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thislovintime · 2 years ago

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“I enjoy passing on wisdom - it's a big part of my life. Everybody has different character traits and it's how you use them that counts. I used to be a busybody but now I help people by listening to them and helping them work things out and it's a virtue.” - Peter Tork, Lancashire Telegraph, May 23, 2008

A letter of advice in reply to a fan from circa 1969 in an older post, here.

Peter Sez #5 -- November 23, 2011 Lorraine G.: I would like to ask Peter what the most important, significant event of his life is. hi, Lorraine - I'm sure that without the ego collapse it took to free me from the clutches of active alcoholism, I would not be alive today. it was, sadly, too long a process, but that it came at all will be my greatest event no matter what else happens to me. Thanks for asking, xo peter

“If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this.”

“In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

“BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes.”

“Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.”

“When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of ‘why me?’ or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question ‘What's the next right thing?’ at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me.”

“Peter is incredibly patient. I have watched him sit and listen to people's problems -- at times people he barely knew -- for far longer than most of us would and in the end give them good, solid advice. Luckily for us, he's both book-smart and savvy in life experience. He's been a TV and music mega-star, had highs that would have killed some people, lows that would have killed others and a career that's lasted longer than some of his fans have been alive. He's a recovering alcoholic now sober for over 25 years, has oodles of relationship experience, he's got great, productive children, he lived through the 60s and is still rocking in his 60s. If that doesn't qualify him to dish out some advice, I don't know what does.” - Therra Cathryn Gwyn, editor (The Daily Panic), February 2008

A very long read of various bits of advice from the Ask Peter Tork columns under the "read more" cut:

“Those of us who came into the public eye did so partly to escape what was awful growing up, be it oppressive households or oppressive social situations. Give us a jolt of acceptance singing or dancing or telling jokes, etc., and we go whole hog for a life of that public acceptance. Unhappily, though, fame is the same as what we're told about collecting possessions; they satisfy for a bit, but if there isn't some way to make you (myself/one's self) whole, the possessions are only temporary satisfactions at best. When a performer leaves the stage, he/she can't take the public acclaim with her. Drugs are another of those things which distract or divert from, or numb us to, the sadness we still carry within. It's a terrible paradox that those who go beyond the normal boundaries in pursuit of fuller self-expression take chances with their lives beyond the normal boundaries as well. Meanwhile, there are answers to this problem. They're simple but not easy. The problem may be seen to be that there is no one trustworthy enough to follow. If you grow up like that, it will be very difficult to find reliable guides in this life. There is a True Guide, however. Many follow the God of their understanding. Others are so turned off by religion and all its adherents that nothing under the name of God will serve. That's okay; the True Guide does not have to have the title God to be useful. It does require an understanding of and a willingness to pursue whatever in life might usefully lead us to an acceptance greater than the temporary one provided by acclaim or possessions. The understanding of this greater acceptance will come slowly, but it comes to those who are willing to keep open their eyes and minds.

Thanks for asking, Peter” (2010)

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"For instance, of course some parents find it easier to kick out their kids than others. That's just natural. But as to the general average of kids today staying more with their parents than in days of yore, well, I partly blame those who let the economy go to hell in a hand basket... or perhaps actively took it there is a better description. It's tougher now than it used to be to find a job, and there is less of a spirit that finding one will give one a real chance to come up in the world. It's therefore understandable that 25-year-olds and some even well older would be discouraged, and have very little incentive to go forth and make their way. Still, I am pretty sure that wanting to work rather than lay about is a preference in human nature, as long as no major roadblocks stand in the way. As to whether it was our hippie lifestyle that led us to treat our kids in ways that made them lazy, well, I wouldn't know for sure. But I do know that every generation is formed by the previous generation's reactions to their parents' generation, etc., etc., since time immemorial. We did the best we could with what we had, and if we don't like what we see, I'm not sure we can do much for the next generation anymore. I believe that my kids appreciate that I am still working on my own life, and that gives them encouragement not to give up, whatever else they may think of me. I don't have much to say about they way they live their lives. Of course, they aren't encamped in my basement, either. Meanwhile, I counsel patience and love, of course. Best of luck, Peter”

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Dear Peter, My name is Mary and I'm in tenth grade. I've been struggling recently because all of my friends and teachers think that I should have a "direction" to my life. They tell me that I need to have my future planned out right now. What college am I going to? What career field will I try to get into? I don't know how to answer any of their questions. Should I know what I want to do with my life even though I'm only fifteen? Thank you, Mary C.

Dear Mary, "Should"? I don't know from should anymore. I once heard someone say "Don't 'should' on yourself." I eventually worked it out to where the word "should" requires the phrase "in order to." You "should" turn left here "in order to" get to the grocery store. Like that. So, the question becomes, "in order to"... what? Check out the letter and answer beforehand. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? No? Well, perhaps a little investigation is in order. When you were little, what did you dream of becoming? Airline pilot? Doctor, nurse, veterinarian or horse trainer? Wonder Woman? Rock star? Newspaper reporter? Or did you imagine that a life of marriage and kids plus a bit of a trade as, say, a hair stylist was heaven on earth? Go back to your early daydreams and see whether any of them still holds a charge. Be careful here: if you don't know instantly what your dreams were, then it's possible that you were discouraged from holding on to them. If that's true, then that discouragement will get in the way of your trying to access those dreams now. Be extremely gentle with yourself, even to the point of sickeningly coddling yourself (for a little while anyway, heheheh). If your childhood dream comes to the fore, you will have all you need to decide whether and where to go to college, or whatever else you may need. One note: it's wonderful to decide to, say, become a musician, but if "famous musician" is your goal, you may be in for more trouble than you want. If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this. Get back to me if it's not working out. Best of luck, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I followed your cancer fight last summer on Facebook and was sooooooooo glad when you got the good news of no more cancer! That was the best news I've ever gotten. Did you learn anything while being sick that you didn't know before you got cancer? Cancer is scary and you were so brave. Love, Kathy

Dear Kathy, Thank you for your good wishes! As to your question: If by "learn" you mean did I change my philosophy after I got my diagnosis, no, I have to say I didn't. I've been at this business of figuring out my life for a long time, and if I didn't have a philosophy of life that included the possibility of having cancer, and even of dying of it, well, then I haven't done a good job in crafting a working philosophy, have I? If, on the other hand, you mean did I discover how quickly and well I bounce back from radiation treatment, well, yeah, I'm a lucky guy, and I learned that to a new extent during the course of this adventure. When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of "why me?" or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question "What's the next right thing?" at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me. Thanks for asking. Keep well, Peter

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Dear Peter, I'm really glad you are doing this gig again. After reading "Ask Peter Tork" in the Daily Panic, I knew that anyone who has access to your "two cents worth" is getting a lot for their money. Ever since the sixties, when I saw that picture of you "reading" the Upanishads upside down, I've wondered about your own spiritual journey. How much and in what ways have eastern religions and philosophies influenced your personal world view? Was it a struggle to leave the belief system of your childhood? What spiritual practices, aside from the obvious (listening in your heart for new songs) are part of your routine? Thanks again for your careful and kind answers in this column. Namaste, Elaine

Dear Elaine, Well, thanks for the question... I think! Someone recently said that people who want to talk to you about their religion rarely want to hear about yours. I am only too aware that my expressing my spiritual/religious views leaves me open to the charge of proselytizing, which I don't want to do. Everyone has to come to their own views, as far as I'm concerned, whether or not certain conventional religions provide a suitable framework. Having said all that, tho', and since you asked, I will try to give you a quick sketch. Firstly, eastern "religions" (I use quote marks to say maybe they aren't religions*) have indeed been a huge source for me. My mom gave me a book on Zen when I was in my teens, and while I didn't get much from it then, I have found in the years since that Zen Buddhism has an attitude that appeals to me a great deal, as far as I understand it. I'm something of a minimalist, I think, at least in these matters, and Zen has been about as minimal as it's possible to be and still say anything at all. Incidentally, I can also recommend anything by Krishnamurti, who might be seen as uncompromising to the limit, but he's great anyway. I grew up in an agnostic/atheistic/non-theistic household. I wondered for years what everybody was on about when they said "God." I certainly wasn't interested in whatever religion the good boys and girls in school were into, usually Catholic, sometimes Protestant. My father didn't believe in the God he was presented with, and I don't believe in that God either. Howsomever, I do believe that awareness of a connectedness of some sort is critical to human well-being. One Zen teacher said "Life is the teacher." That made all kinds of sense to me, because whatever we're talking about here, it has to be real. Unverifiable assertions are useless to me, so if it's real, it will show in real life, some way, somehow, some time. Anyway, all of that is partly to say that I had no particular religion to break away from at home, except the "religion" of rationalism. I did have a set-to or two with my father about my developing sense of connection, which included phenomena he couldn't allow himself to believe were even possible. That part was tough, and we never did completely reconcile over the point, tho' we got along okay thru the rest of his life. As to my routine today, well, I don't believe I actually have one. My sobriety is the critical issue for me now, so I daily take a moment to consider that, and I reaffirm whatever it takes keep me mindful. There's a strong spiritual component to recovery from addiction/alcoholism, so maybe that counts as a spiritual routine, tho' it seems a bit farfetched to call it that. Mostly it's just what keeps me from acting out so badly that I begin a deteriorating slide to hell. That's enough, by Gar! Namaste to you, too, Peter *Some of the schools of thought I follow don't engage with the concept of God at all. Maybe better to think of them as psychologies or philosophies.

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Hey Peter, Great that you are doing the column again! Really great to read. My question is that, I know you love baseball, but being raised on the East Coast, I wondered if you every got into hockey? Hope On... Tyrone

Dear Tyrone, Nope, I never got into hockey, and I don't think that has anything to do with where I live. Or, rather, I don't think that matters where in the U.S. I live; if I was born and raised in Canada, I imagine I'd enjoy it a great deal more. Mostly, I will say, I never attended hockey games in person 'til much later in life, and couldn't follow the game on TV, and mostly what I saw was another football/basketball/soccer-type game, only on ice, and with a hell of a lot of fighting. If you put it that way, who could care? Years later I watched a minor league hockey game, to much better effect. There was nary a fight, and I got to watch the grace of the competition. That was better, tho' not enough to overcome years of apathy toward the game. I imagine you love the game, so I won't go any further with this, except to say, enjoy what you like, and please, please, please, have a good time. Best, Peter

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Dear Peter, I can't imagine you not being a musician or being cute Peter Tork of the Monkees and Shoe Suede Blues. But if you had never been a musician or never wanted to be one, what do you think you would have done with your time and talent? Have you ever wanted to be something else? I am trying to decide between 3 things on what to be. I think sometimes you know what you are and sometimes you don't. I wish I knew. I love you. Cathy

Dear Cathy, Well, you are asking a couple of questions, one of which is almost unanswerable. I mean, change everything about me and then ask who I am, well, that's a puzzler. If you're asking what other fields I've been drawn to to any noticeable degree, I don't mind saying that the law and the kind of counseling I do in these columns have both looked like reasonable and attractive careers. Strangely enough, there's one other thing in particular I wouldn't mind doing, and that's massage therapy. My father had good hands, and he seems to have bequeathed them to me, and though I've never taken training, and it's a little late in life to get started now, it still seems like a useful life to me. BUT! The big deal question you're asking is how do you (or how does anybody) know what to do in life. That one's much more important. Someone once said to me, if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. See, for me, I never realized out loud, so to speak, that music/entertainment was my calling, but I look back on my life, and at every juncture, that's what I went for. So, one way of looking at what you might want to do/be in life is to look back at what you've liked to do so far. One note in particular at this point, which I've made before. Everybody gets shut down to some extent growing up; it's inevitable, and nothing to get bent about. But what it does mean is that it's possible that you haven't thought about the things you liked to do as a child for a long time now. Go back into your past. What turned you on? What gave you the thought: I'd like to do that/be a part of that? Even if it was the way you related to your dolls, there might well be a clue there, if not even an outright signpost with a fanfare. If money is a concern, well, then, money's a concern. There's nothing wrong with striking out for serious independence if there is a concern about being left without resources. I hope, however, that that concern is not the overriding be-all and end-all of your considerations. Money is, of course, critical to civil well-being in this life, but beyond a certain point, more does not improve the quality of life... much. If there seems to be a useful, satisfying career open to you, then follow it unless you're deeply concerned that you won't be independent there, in which case maybe the next more lucrative career path is better for you. Like that. Best of luck, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I've been married for over 30 years, the children have now grown and left home. (I married in my teens) I'd hoped my husband and I could enjoy more time together now but over the last few years the physical side of our marriage has dwindled to almost nothing. He's never been very demonstrative but now he seems to prefer the TV to time with me. I've tried different things including making the first move, without success. And I've tried talking to him about it but he says he's happy the way things are and sees no need to change them. He is in good health, has a good job and no money worries. I really miss the feeling of being close to someone, the romance and the passion but he tells me to "grow up, real life's not like that.” Am I being unrealistic? Is this what I should expect the rest of my life to be like? If so it seems very bleak and lonely. Kathryn.

Dear Kathryn, Let's start with your husband's quote: "Grow up, real life's not like that." There's more wrong with that than I can get to, but just for starters, real life can, too, be like that. Real life sometimes is passionate and romantic. It's true that sometimes life is bleak, but the worst thing about your husband's quote is that it's manipulative; he's trying to shut you down for the sake of his own comfort. He's uncomfortable with your preferences. Note that that's what's going on here; it's his preferences vs. yours. I regret to inform you that you won't have an easy time of this no matter what. As I am fond of hearing: "You pays your money and takes your choice." I won't pretend to know every possible way to approach the situation, but the two main topic headings are the external, what we call objective, and internal, subjective approaches. As to the external, let's assume for the sake of discussion that you're fine, and it's all him. My take then would be that there are three main ways to go here. The first is to accept your husband as he is with all that means. (There are two subsets here, depending on your codes: you can live without physical demonstrations of affection or get them on the side. Incidentally, while I'm thinking about that, the second sub-option doesn't necessarily mean finding sexual satisfaction outside the marriage; there's a wide range of physical affection that does not step outside the normal bounds of marriage.) The second option is to get out of the marriage, and enjoy what affection you may find in the singles world, and/or get involved with someone who does behave as you'd like. (Watch out here, tho', you know pitfalls await the unwary in this department.) Thirdly, and maybe the most wearying, is to get yourself and your husband into a counseling situation. Pastor, shrink, MFCC, whatever. This one's tough, because if he doesn't see any need to change, you have to provide him with reasons. Like, maybe, he won't have a marriage at all if he doesn't. Divorce is a bitch, as anyone knows, and the woman still takes the brunt of it, tho' that's generally getting a bit better, but if your husband doesn't think that your preferences and desires constitute any reason for him to reconsider his attitudes, you might be better off in every way out of the marriage. I mean, you can hardly get less affection if you never get another hug in your life, can you? Okay, that's the "change the world" approach. You know what's coming next, don't you? Yeah, sorry, it's about checking yourself out. Here the field is vastly more complicated, and potentially vastly more rewarding. Here the questions to ask yourself are more unsettling. Here's where you plumb the depths of your entire life. Not much to ask, is it? Smile. Someone once told me that if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. As I've mentioned before, this one sticks with me. You're upset with your husband. That, I am sure, means that he's breaking some (maybe hidden) rule/s of yours. What is that rule, what are those rules? Where did you get those rules? What would happen if you abandoned those rules? (Will your entire world come crashing down around your ears?) This road is a long and difficult one. It re-engages parental issues (what did it take to get along in your family of origin?) Did you think you deserved a reward for having done right for the last 30 years? (I'm not saying you don't, I'm just suggesting you ask yourself whether what's going on is about your entitlement.) How have you been assuaging your sense of lack? I'll bet you've developed some habits which are not actually supportive of you. Alcohol was my compensatory habit, numbing my feelings of not being truly noticed or regarded. Of course, it really only served to take me away from my own life, not make it better. I didn't know this at the time, finding out only in a supported abstinence. Do you have any such behaviors? Over-eating, shopping unnecessarily, fixing other people, all these serve the same purpose: distracting oneself from one's life. BTW, these may not be fixable without help; seek counsel in your community, and if you don't have one, check out the nearest appropriate anonymous, 12-Step group. Because, it is in one's own life that, finally, all these issues are settled. Don't let me discourage you from the effort, either. The joys and rewards are boundless, a veritable cornucopia of adventure and delight, and up ahead, a better world than you ever let yourself even dream of. Hang in there, do the work, and watch your cosmos change. Let me know how it goes. I'll help as much as I can. Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I hope this doesn't sound stupid. It’s something I've always wanted to know. Why do rock stars get all the women? I figured you would know. Even my sister likes you a lot and she doesn’t really like anyone very much. She says hi, btw. I was thinking of becoming an architect but that doesn't seem to get the girls excited. Should I learn to play guitar? Thanks bro, Jon L.

Dear Jon, Thanks for asking. I've never wondered the same thing; I've been too busy trying to get the women by being a pop star so I've never had time to stop and tell on the roses, as it were. But since it all came up lo, these many years ago, I've actually given the matter some thought. Here's some of what I've come up with: For one thing, those of us who got into show business did so IN ORDER to get attention. This is sometimes an outgrowth of a conviction in childhood that people didn't much care about us, or even notice us. We determined that if we could get the millions (or, say, dozens) to love us, then it wouldn't matter that we weren't much regarded on an individual basis in our youth. For some of us, it worked. Unfortunately, it has its drawbacks. You don’t get to know these ahead of time, so I’m going to tell you. One of them is, that the girls we do get mostly want us for the show we put on. By that, I don't mean only the stuff that goes on onstage, but the way we present ourselves when we meet someone. I have a ready stock of funny stories and sly ways to hook a girl in, but in the end, that's what she goes for, and when it comes time for me to be myself, she's always kind of shocked. [...] Check it out: architecture is a deeply satisfying career and you're going to find a relationship that suits you if you'll only let it happen and what you do for a living will be only one measure of your true value in the eyes of a worthy, intelligent, supportive woman. Good luck, Peter” - 2008

* * *

“Being a hermit is almost certainly the worst approach to the issue. Too bad there isn't a Hermits Anonymous, but who would tell the hermits about it if they won't communicate with anyone? The problem, as I tried to indicate above, is that there is not enough connection with society, with others, with a circle of friends and people who love you.Tell you what: try volunteering at a soup kitchen or other charity outlet. Rely on what those in charge there tell you about your work, and for God's sake, don't let your mind tell you that your low opinion of yourself trumps their observations.There are a few other suggestions available to you, but the point here, I think, is for you to do something on behalf of your own value. Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.” - Peter

* * *

Peter, My name is Scott and I'm 37 years old. I was wondering, as you look back on your experience in the 1960's, how much of the political and social ideas of the youth movement and counter culture are still valid today and whether or not you feel the same about those ideas now as you did back then. Scott

Dear Scott, I won't go nearly so far as to say that everything that came up in the 60's was valid, but as far as I'm concerned, the 60's were to what will come as Greece was to democracy. Remember that in the 60's the political officeholders had lost all touch with the needs of the nation...kind of like the Bush administration now. Back then the voice of the establishment, Life magazine, was discovered to have doctored photos falsely indicating that LSD caused chromosomal damage. That proved what we (then) kids already knew: that those at the top preached fair play and honesty, but had no more need to honor those concepts than what would give them the next dollar without too much trouble. We saw perfectly clearly that we were on our own, that no one in authority cared about us. Now, like any bunch of kids left to their own devices, some, many, went off the rails. Every false step by somebody walking around under the cloak of the liberal hippy 60's was used as a pretext for dissing the entire generation. Those of us who were truly interested in liberty, fraternity and equality, however, knew we were onto something good and real. What had been called democracy was, and to some extent still is, a pretext for wrapping the will of the greedy and aggressive in a mantle of public acquiescence. Now, the business of wresting power away from those who make a specialty of wielding it will be a long and protracted struggle, with a lot of setbacks along the way. The outlines of the new style of governance are only dimly perceivable, and won't become clear for a long time to come. In the meantime, our job is to practice the principles of fairness and service to the extent possible. One thing is clear: there is a much higher joy in service than there is in acquisition of wealth. (Remember that it isn't money that's the root of all evil, it's the love of money.) Hanging together in brother - and sisterhood is so happy-making you want to sing right out loud. Yeah, I feel the same about those ideas as I did then...in case you couldn't tell. heheheh, Peter

* * *

“Again and again, my message is, behave as you'd like to be behaved towards. Not so original, actually, but truer for me the older I get. Putting it into practice, now, well, I get that it's far from easy.” - Peter

* * *

“I do believe that humans are designed to be happy as a general matter. I am coming to believe that, after biology is addressed (clinical depression, etc.), what usually gets in the way is the story/ies we tell ourselves and each other. If you listen, you’ll hear a lot of people tell you, ‘Oh, I’m the kind of person who always…’ or, ‘Oh, I’d never do such-and-such a thing….’ These are the tools by which we keep ourselves on a self-perpetuating circle—what in fact is really meant by karma. If you spend, say, 15 minutes a day just sitting and listening to your own mind chatter away, you’ll probably start to notice some of these patterns in your own life. Try it for a week. Set a timer, and don’t get up out of your chair unless one of the kids breaks an arm or some such. (BTW, you might not enjoy this at all at first, but hang in there. Must be present to win, you know.) As you become more familiar with the almost-automatic workings of your own head you might begin to detect the patterns that shut you down before you can enjoy what’s going on.I’m not one of those who say that everything is for the best. I am sure, however, that in any given situation, you have a range of options, and some of them are more conducive to calm than others. No matter how bad the situation, it’s always possible to worsen it, with a bit of effort. It’s also possible to take the calmest approach, and I am sure that if you make that your effort, your plan of attack, you will find your life slowly becoming happier. Incidentally, you won’t notice when you change over, but I do believe that one day you’ll notice that you’re happy enough. I certainly hope so. I’m sorry for your loss of your mother. Please take care of yourself, Peter”

* * *

“For one thing, I do divert a fair amount. I used to do it more than I do now (progress not perfection), but when I lived in LA, I’d pick a club at random some nights and go watch a band I’d never heard of. Or I’d take whatever paperback I was reading out to a coffee shop and sit for 90 minutes over a decaf Americano.I spend a fair amount of time on the computer, reading news sites, emailing and doing some games and/or puzzles. (I do believe Sudoku improves my brain. I hope I’m not deluding myself.) I also meditate, which greatly changes the dynamic of being alone. I don’t sit in meditation as much as I believe to be good for me, but when I do, my being alone is no longer a burden. Finally, I remind myself that there are a lot of things I like to do that company feels like it interferes: working on my music on the computer, practicing guitar to a virtual rock rhythm section, reading, both time-passing and significant stuff. And then, sometimes, no matter what, I’m lonely. Like I say, this is happening less and less over time. I have to attribute this, finally, to becoming more comfortable in my own skin. That in turn seems to come from being encouraged to do the right thing. My friends and support people are lining up more and more along the lines of, do respectable things, and you’ll gain self-respect.I wouldn’t know of my own experience, but I hear that volunteering for church and community groups get you out of your isolation. If you try it and you like it, tell me, and maybe I’ll try it, too.”

* * *

“[T]o answer your question directly, how one moves on from something that may not happen again is to find some other thought to substitute for that mournful ‘it may not happen again.’ If you hang on to that formulation it will poison your present. Try, ‘not bad, but let’s see if we can’t do even better.’ Or maybe, ‘God must have some wonderful plan for me. Can’t wait to find out what it is.’”

* * *

“BTW, day job, shmay job. When you need money, you’ll do what you have to, be it x-ray tech, or macburgerslinger. Remember to consider what you can bring to the situation rather than concentrating on what the job is going to suck out of you. You might also check out your life style, to see if you’ve gotten yourself more involved with the material world than would allow you to do what you want.”

* * *

“What I am sure about heartbreak is that you will be glad one day that this is behind you, both in the sense of: ‘Whew, I’m glad that’s over,’ and ‘I’m so happy I’m not involved in that anymore.’ In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

* * *

“If you want to hear from someone who’s older than you, you’ve come to the right place. That ‘Don’t quit before the miracle,’ which of course is not remotely original with me, is maybe one of the best general advises I have. (Can that be the plural of ‘advice’? ) Another, which kind of is a bit more original with me, is, ‘Be a hero to yourself.’ By that I mean, regard your life’s story in the same light as those tales of Greek and Roman heroes, who were born to kings and queens and found their lives dashed down to humble circumstances, and who redeemed their lives thru heroic deeds (with a lot of help). Those heroic stories, it turns out, are everybody’s stories, and it’s deeply useful, I am convinced, to regard ourselves as that kind of hero. Hang in there, and don’t quit just before the miracle. Peter”

* * *

“But this above all: if your well-being is threatened, you must take care of yourself first. There is almost no situation that warrants putting future situations over your present safety. If you can find a way to avoid being at risk at the hands of your tormentors without giving up your program, well and good. But your present safety and sanity come before your future. Please take care of yourself. I hope it works out for you. I’d love to know how it’s going. Please keep me up to date.”

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“Firstly, anyone who can’t stand your history doesn’t deserve you, plain and simple.”

* * *

“One other thing: I am totally sure that Zen does not tell us to put up with any and everything that comes our way. I believe instead that the hope and idea is to do what must be done, including fighting for our human rights and needs, but without going into the blame game, doing what we have to do with a will and with best wishes for all involved. I think Jesus meant something like this, too, when he said love your enemies.”

* * *

“You’re not obliged to be where you’re not appreciated under any circumstances whatever. I’m sure of this.”

* * *

“But I can promise that your situation is not remotely hopeless. As to those who are giving you grief about your grief, well, basically, and not to put too fine a point on it, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

* * *

Hi, Peter! First, we just want to say that you are the BEST THING EVER. Second of all, I have a question for you involving what your opinion is on gay rights. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for three years, and in that time, have come across more example of discrimination than I would care to recap. We would like to know: what is your opinion on gay rights? Should we be treated with common decency and respect, or are we subhuman because we happen to be in love? Do we not deserve the right to marry, or adopt children? And why do people who think of themselves as good people treat other human beings this way? Best wishes, Mike

Well, Mike, Is this a trick question? Because the answer(s) is (are) the same whether you’re gay, black, a woman, Jewish, Catholic, handicapped, poor…have I left anyone out? (And I don’t want to hear middle-class straight white males try to tell me that they’re discriminated against in this modern, PC world. We m-c, s, w m’s are incredibly privileged, and while I’m sorry for the poor shlub who feels his place has been taken by somebody less qualified, etc., I think of the deprivations historically visited on all the above-mentioned before I get too indignant.) Oh, and one more thing. Everybody, believe it or not, believes that they are good people doing the best they can. There are very few exceptions, and even most of those few exceptions believe that they’re only getting back what was rightfully theirs in the first place. The very, very few exceptions left have errors in their brain circuitry that block their learning about such a thing as real, as opposed to public, consequences. These people are called sociopaths, and there seems to be no help for them. Everybody’s scared, you know. Everybody, to some extent or another. Trembling, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I am 16 years old, and am a huge fan of The Monkees!!! When I saw your advice column, I was wondering if you could help me out. Being 16, I feel like I'm being forced to grow up very suddenly. My parents keep talking about getting my permit, taking up part-time jobs, and they're even already asking me to look at colleges! To be honest, I don't think I'm ready for any of it. Driving scares me to pieces, and so does getting a job. As for college, I don't even like leaving home to stay at a friends house!! How could I possibly be ready to leave home just yet? I recognize that I've still got a few years before that happens, but the I'm jittery just thinking about it! The driving situation scares me a lot mostly because the thought of myself having the control of a car freaks me out. I don't know what to do. How do I get rid of all this fear and anxiety?? Forever your loving and adoring fan, Lydia P.S. I was just wondering if perhaps you could come perform somewhere in the Albany area. I'd LOVE to see you in concert very much!

Dear Lydia, my loving and adoring fan, I’m sad to hear of your anxieties. You must realize that there is no earthly reason why these thoughts of future activities should be scary. I underline “earthly” to say that your anxieties can not, rationally, arise from what is normally an excited anticipation. Therefore and hence, you have issues. Don’t despair, everybody does, to some extent or another. They can be dealt with. The point is that something is dogging you. I believe, on scant evidence, that it’s likely that you have childhood issues that cloud your sense of pleasure at the coming adventure of your young adult years. The other possibility is that you have anxiety disorders stemming from some genetic distraction. Don’t freak out here, either. This, too, is treatable. There’s one more possibility that occurs to me: your parents may be only too anxious to get rid of you. Maybe they want to have wild sex all over the house, and believe your living there is getting in the way…heheheh. I don’t know, but (ok, joking aside) it’s possible that they’re pushing you too hard for their own reasons, unrelated to the natural course of your leaving the nest. If this is true, it would explain to some extent your dislocation on the matter. By the way, if that is the explanation, you probably wouldn’t be able to get them to say so; I’m sure they’d regard it as too shameful an admission to come clean about. That would leave you in a bit of a pickle. BUT here’s the good news: none of this is fatal. It doesn’t even have to be crippling. No matter where it came from, it can be dealt with. Firstly, as you note yourself, you don’t have to face the stuff right away. Your anxiety may disappear as you get nearer to it all. In the meantime, and alternatively, you may find the psychological and spiritual counseling it takes to get past this. I also recommend meditation as a means of calming the soul. My favorite brand of that is Zen, but whatever you prefer you should do. Good luck, Peter PS, I’d love to bring the band to the Albany area. Keep your eyes open. It could happen.

* * *

Dear Peter! I have a problem with my volume in choir. My director is always telling me to sing louder, but I'm afraid of not sounding good/messing up, so I tend to veer away from singing out. I just don't want to mess up. I was wondering, do you know of any good ways to squash that perfectionist side of me? Bay, 13

Dear Bay, Yeah. Sing out loud, mess up a bunch and laugh right out loud at yourself. Also, check out the others in choir. Any of them singing worse than you would? Yes? I thought so. OK, then. Singing well at a new volume level takes a bit of practice, tho’, and you might want to warn your director and everyone around you that it may take a bit of time before you are singing loudly and well. BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes. Keep rockin’, Peter

* * *

“I believe very much in all that I believed in back in the 60’s. I hope I’m more aware of the practicalities than I was then, but I am positive that the values and principles I held then are critical to the well-being of the planet, or at the very least, critical to growth and contentment in the population. As to the practicalities: the chance of no more war in our lifetimes is so close to zero that I don’t imagine it possible, tho’ there well may be progress along these lines. May be. Sometimes I see the world as an eternal horse race between salvation and dissolution, now one, and now the other gaining the lead. But to the extent that we can learn, each and all of us, that the cooperative good is good for the greatest individual good (with safeguards, to be sure), that forgiveness is the route to true inner peace, and that not everything we deem wrong or bad may be so, to that extent hassles of all shapes, sizes and colors will diminish. I am so sure of all this that I would, I hope, be willing to bet my life on these principles.”

* * *

For starters, I will report that my kids mom and I never told them to be polite. Because we were polite to them, they naturally said "please" and "thank you" without any extra prompting on our parts. As to broccoli, well, 3-year-olds cannot be expected to be tactful, and whether they eat it or not must be a matter of negotiation, not of coercion, I'm sure. I used to gag at the taste of Brussels sprouts, and nothing could get me to eat them. I still don't like them much. heheheh Peter

* * *

“Let me say, tho', that I am not one of those who believes that everything is for the best. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can bring the best attitude possible to the situation. It seems to me that you believe you had a bargain with the forces of Karma, and that you feel betrayed. Betrayal is very infuriating, to be sure, but the laws of God and/or Karma are not actually known to us, merely guessed at. I've learned recently to ask myself one question: Would you rather be right or happy? I urge you to let go of what you thought was your due, and find the best way to live with what you got. There's still a lot of joy to be had regardless, I am sure.”

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yanderegremlin · 3 years ago

Note

How would yanderes Erasermic (poly) react to the reader’s parents scolding them and calling them a disappointment after they get not so good grades in a test? Like they didn’t really fail but the marks aren’t good for those ‘perfectionist’ parents. And after they’re done scolding the reader, reader starts crying, how would they react?

Arthur’s note: this one was a little sad and hard to write tbh so I hope it lives up to your expectations 😅. Also I hope you all know that even though grads are important, but they are not the end all, be all. People are not perfect and we will never be, it’s all about improving no matter how small that is! That’s life, this life isn’t about being “perfect”, to me it’s about being the best person I can be. NO ONE should judge your value based on your grads, that includes yourself 😤😤

Anyways now that my Ted Talk is over on with the warning lol (if anyone needs to talk or vent my DM are open, weather your my Mutual or not. Much love ❤️)

Warning ⛔️: sad reader, establish polyamorous relationship, reader parents are jerks, sabotage, comfort, Yandere behavior, 18+ content MDNI, yandere behavior

Today was a mistake, that was all you could think of on the drive back home after your dinner with your parents. Why did you think this was a good idea in the first place, you knew how critical they could get, especially when it comes to your grads. It was supposed to be a lay-back dinner, just check-in, and fun together, but the moment your mom asked about your grads you know where this dinner was headed.

You sighed when pulled into the driveway and saw the light to your shared bedroom with your husbands, Yamada Hizashi and Aizawa Shota. You know they're waiting for you or at least one of them is. Both Hizashi and Shota have shown dislike towards your parents and some of your other family members but you chalk it up to the paranoia that came with their jobs.

You slowly open your front door to be greeted with an empty room, which both surprised you and relieved you. (you don’t feel like having an “I told you so” lecture at the moment) after putting your bag and coat away, you head to the kitchen to get a cup of water for your vitamins, just when you grab a cup from the cabinet the front door opened.

“Lovebug? What are you doing here? I thought you would still be at your parents.” Shota’s tried voice rang in your ears, eyes starting to fill with tears. You didn’t want to cry not over something so small and especially didn’t want to cry in front of them. A hug and a hand come from behind, taking the glass out of your hand, pulling you close as you tried to hold back the tears. “It’s okay, no one can hurt you.” After a few minutes, Shota sends you to bed promising to bring you a glass of water when he gets there.

Knowing that Hizashi is asleep (because if he was awake he would be on top of you the moment you stepped in.) you carefully navigated to your dresser as quietly as possible but another downside to being married to pro heroes is no matter how quiet you are you will always end up waking them up, so when Mic grabbed you to pull you under the covers, you didn’t fight it.

Just as you were dosing off Mic asked you the question you’d been dreading “how was the dinner?” you didn’t want to lie but it was tempting… so instead of answering him you pulled him closer, buried your face into his chest. “That bad huh?” you nodded just wanting the day to be over and done with. Soon Shota come in, helping you to take your vitamins and you were out like a light dreaming about a better tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Hizashi and Shota shared a victorious look. Don’t get them wrong it hurt them a little bit massing with your grads but they just want to show you how horrible your family is, but they’ll make it up to you by helping you study and making you your favorite dishes. 😌😌

#polyamarous #tw: yandere #yandere erasermic #shota aizawa #present mic #yandere mha #mha x reader #mha x y/n #bnha #romantic yandere #mdni

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amazingmaeve · 4 years ago

Text

All to well ↠ Fred Weasley

━ “can i come over. i need to talk to you.”

summary ━ y/n and fred had an amazing relationship during there time at hogwarts. then he broke up with her then left. fred ends up calling y/n one night after the war because of his nightmares.

warnings ━ angst, insomnia, mentions of the war, depression, and fluff

a/n ━ some what based on all to well by taylor swift. also can relate to the dad part of the story.

word count ━ 6.2k

Ever since Y/N was young her fathers been her hero.

When she fell off her bike, her dad was there to swoop in and save the day. He put a bandage on her sore and kissed her forehead, reassuring her while she cried against his chest.

That was one she was 5.

After Y/N had gotten done with her tonsils being taken out. He was there holding her hand throughout it all. Her mom was there and Y/N was close to her but Y/N was an extreme daddy’s girl.

Her dad was there for when she got into Hogwarts and helped her with everything in her first year.

Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

When Y/N got back for Christmas she noticed how distant her dad was. He didn’t come in and read her a bedtime story or even to say good night.

Her mom was the one to do that. Y/N noted that she had bags under her eyes and even being 11 years old she could see how stressed her mom was.

Her mom reassured her everything was fine. But she didn’t believe her because one night during Christmas break, her mom and dad got into a huge argument. They were screaming and yelling at each other while Y/N stayed up stairs right by her door, tears strolling down her eyes listening to the people, who she thought loved each other so much, argue.

Y/N came out of the room with the stuffed animal her dad got for her fourth birthday, tears stinging her eyes. She heard someone come up the stairs loudly and angrily.

She looked up and saw her dad look straight at her and walk past her to her parents room. Y/N’s lip quivered as she saw her dad get his suitcase and pack everything, walked past her without even looking at her. He didn’t even say goodbye.

Y/N flinched as the door slammed and she heard her mother sob down stairs.

Y/N slowly walked down stairs hugging her bear to her chest. She saw her mom crying on the couch, tears coming out at a fast pace.

“Mommy,” Y/N voice wavered as she said it. Her mom's trembling body turned towards her with a shocked look. She tried wiping the tears so her daughter didn’t see as she walked up to her.

“Sweetie what are you doing up,” She asked, kneeling down next to her.

“Where’s daddy,” Y/N asked as her tearful expression brought some tears to her mothers eyes.

“It’s just us now baby,” Her mother wiped some tears away from Y/N’s eyes as they kept coming. Her mom's arms came to wrap around her hugging her while Y/N cried.

That’s when Y/N could never trust any man. Her father made such an imprint on her life that it made her not want to trust anyone. She was willing to give up love for it.

Christmas came the next day just Y/N and her mom and that’s all she needed.

For the next 5 years Y/N had to stay strong for her mom when she was at home. Y/N heard her mom cry herself to sleep when she was home and it broke her head. She hates her dad for what she did not only to her but to her mom.

Y/N stayed lonely for the next 5 years not wanting to get attached to anyone and break down again. It got lonely at some times but it helped with her studies.

Her mom was proud of Y/N. She’s got good grades and is even a prefect. She's everything she wanted her to be.

As Y/N walked down the halls doing her prefect duties as she noticed the Weasley twins playing around probably going to prank someone. Y/N rolls her eyes, she doesn’t know the Weasley twins all she knows is that they cause trouble and Y/N hates that.

“Weasley,” Y/N sneered walking up to the twins who had feared expressions on their faces.

“Actually Weasleys,” Fred corrected her with a smirk on her face. Y/N sighed out of annoyance.

“What are you doing up past hours,” Y/N impatiently asked while crossing her arms over her chest.

“Studying,” George shrugs innocently. Y/N lets out angry huff.

“Where’s your books,” Y/N asks, giving them a look. She didn’t understand why they were so damn popular they were getting on her never right now.

“In the library,” Fred starts to say as he looks Y/N up and down with a smirk on his face.

“Just stretching our legs,” George finishes with a smile. Y/N thinks on what to do and if they are studying she doesn’t want to ruin it for them.

“Fine but get to your dorms when you’re done,” Y/N sternly says, walking away from the twins hoping she did the right thing.

Y/N takes a deep breath leaning against the wall. She had to admit they were attractive and she’s always had an interest in Fred but acted in anything since she barely even saw him. And she didn’t get the butterflies that often.

It didn’t matter she wasn’t going to get her heart broken by a boy, or anyone ever again.

The next Y/N did her morning routine. Got dressed, put a little makeup on, get all of her books, and went to breakfast where she got her food and started eating.

Y/N was a perfectionist and always stuck to a routine and hated when someone ruined it.

As she was eating her toast two people sat on each side of her and she immediately knew who it was.

“Fred George,” Y/N greeted coldly, not looking up from her food to look at the twins.

“We just wanted to thank you for last night,” George began to say as he looked at the girl who didn’t look up from her food.

“It helped us big time,” Fred finished for his twin. Y/N had always intrigued him. She never talked to anyone unless she had to. Fred wanted to know what happened to her.

“Well you guys were studying right,” Y/N snaps looking from George to Fred.

“Who knows,” Fred innocently looks at her making butterflies erupt in her belly. She ignored them and rolled her eyes at the red head.

“Great so you lied to me,” Y/N sighs. She can’t blame them. She had a bad feeling in her stomach last night. She should have done something.

“Not exactly,” George giggles.

“Whatever,” Y/N grumbles. Her appetite is gone as she thinks about losing her role as a prefect.

She grabs her books getting up to leave since it’s almost time for her potions class. It’s her sixth year and she still hates potions.

Snape was a hard teacher to deal with. She had to be on time or points away from Y/H. So Y/N had to pay extra attention so she didn’t fail the class.

Y/N sat and got all her books out as students rolled in the class talking and chatting with each other. Meanwhile Y/N sat in her seat doodling in her note book trying to block out the noise. Unbeknownst to her a certain redhead was curiously looking at her.

Snape entered the class dramatically as always. Y/N closed her notebook getting ready to pay attention to the glass.

When she was taking notes Y/N felt paper hit the back of her head. She turned around to see Fred Weasley smiling at her.

Y/N rolled her eyes turning to face the front again. Y/N tried to ignore everytime Fred Weasley threw paper at her. It disappeared when it hit the ground so no evidence.

“Will you stop,” Y/N whispers angrily as he keeps throwing the paper at her. He holds up on defense.

“Miss Y/N do you have something you’d like to share with the class,” Snape's sharp tone seemed into Y/N’s brain.

“No sir,” Y/N shakes her head not wanting to get in trouble.

“10 points away from Y/H,” Snape snapped as Y/N looked down at the table. This was the first time she’s ever gotten house points away.

Y/N keeps her head down while Snape talks. She takes note trying to pay attention but it’s hard when she just got into trouble for the first time.

Fred didn’t try anything else with Y/N during the rest of the class and Y/N thanked god for that. If he didn’t that one more time she probably would’ve hexed him with something.

Snape dismisses everyone and Y/N grabs her books getting ready to go to her next class which is empty so she goes to the library to study.

“Hey Y/N wait up,” Y/N heard Fred yell which made her roll her eyes. She didn’t wait but Fred caught up to her anyways.

“What do you want Fred,” Y/N stops and looks up at the boy who gives her a charming smile.

“Just wanted to ask if you wanted to go and get a butterbeer tonight,” Fred says eagerly. Y/N can feel her heart racing again as the butterflies in her stomach start to flutter even faster than before.

“Why would I do that if you just got me in trouble,” Y/N asks, trying to hold all of her books up in her hands.

“I was just trying to ask you something,” Fred says happily as his eyes brighten while Y/N’s stay the same. Gloomy and uninterested.

“You could’ve done it in a different way,” Y/N mutters looking down at her feet to avoid eye contact with Fred.

“Here let me help you,” Fred grabs Y/N’s books. Y/N was about to interject and deny but he took the books out of her arms.

Fred didn't want to admit but he’s always been intrigued by Y/N. She was alway by herself and only talked to teachers, class partners and so on. Fred also never saw her smile which made him want to make her smile. She made him nervous for some reason.

He never got nervous around anyone.

He wanted to know what happened to her that won’t make her smile. Fred loves to make people smile. Especially people he likes/loves.

Y/N pinches the bridge of her nose. He’s being nice to her and she doesn’t want to be rude to him.

“You don’t have to do that,” Y/N retorted as Fred rolled his eyes at her stubbornness.

“Come on just let me help you,” Fred pleaded just wanting to be around her.

“Fine I’m going to the library,” Y/N gave in. She couldn’t say no to him and look him in the eyes at the same time.

They start to walk towards the library in silence til Y/N breaks the silence.

“I just wanted to apologize for being mean,” Y/N apologizes. She feels bad for being mean since he’s the one who’s helping her out. She doesn’t get that offer often.

“No need to apologize, you helped me and George out last night,” Fred sends her a wink which makes her shake head looking at the ground strolls on the ground, her heels clinking against the hardwood floor. He makes her feel things she doesn’t want to feel. She’s only known him for a day.

“I thought you were only studying,” Y/N corrects him trying to see if her gut reaction was correct.

“What do you think we were doing,” Fred avoids the answer, not wanting her to be mad at him. He doesn’t want to screw this up.

“I think you weren’t studying,” Y/N ponders, crossing her hands over her stomach as they stop in front of the library.

“You aren’t mad,” Fred asks astonished. He thought she’d lash out at him while kicking him in the balls.

“Just a bit, but we don’t know each other and I’m the one at fault. If I didn’t turn you in that’s my decision not yours,” Y/N explains running her hands through her hair. She pulls a few knots out while at it.

“Why did you let me and George go,” Fred speaks his mind. Y/N bites the inside of her cheek. Why did she do that?

“I don’t know,” Y/N answers, not looking at him. Fred gives her a smirk.

“So how bout that date,” Fred says, very optimistic. He hands her the books as he leans against the wall.

“I-I don’t know,” Y/N stutters looking around. Maybe dating wouldn’t be so bad but what if something bad happens and he doesn’t care about her?

“Come on one date and if you don’t like it we don’t have to go out ever again,” Fred offers, making Y/N let out a sigh and for the first time in her life she lives in the moment.

“Sure pick me up at 8,” Y/N accepts running into the library not wanting to see his reaction or him to see how nervous she was.

Y/N sits down and lets out a tiny smile feeling a bit of happiness inside of her. Happy. She hasn’t felt that in a long time.

She’s just met him and she’s already very happy. She wonders what will happen next, hopefully more happiness.

All she hopes is that this feeling doesn’t go away.

For the rest of the day Y/N felt something she could describe as giddiness. She can’t wait for the date. Years ago if someone told her she would have been going on a date Y/N would laugh in their face.

Y/N didn’t believe in love. But maybe Fred can be the exception. No she’s not in love with him right now but if they start dating Y/N can see that as a possibility.

She gets ready with the best clothes she gots which is a dress her mother bought her. Y/N puts a little more makeup on to make herself more presentable.

Y/N prances down the stairs to the common room where she sees Fred sitting on the couch. His knee is bouncing up and down out of nerves. When he sees her he looks her up and down and notes how beautiful she is.

“You look beautiful,” Fred compliments her as she brushes some of her hair behind her ear. She smiles at him as he puts his hands outstretched wanting her to take it.

Y/N takes his hand and her heart races. She’s never been this nervous before, it’s a new sensation that makes her feel weird.

They talk on the way to Hogsmeade about their interest. What they have in common and what they don’t have in common.

Fred told Y/N about his and George’s dream to open a joke shop while Y/N listened fascinated. She’s never liked pranks but Y/N can’t lie when people like Malfoy get pranked on.

When they get to Hogsmeade he orders them some butterbeer while Y/N taps her nails against the wood of the table, nerves rattling in her stomach.

“You okay,” She heard Fred ask her as he sat the butterbeer down and took a seat next to her. He had a happy expression on his face as he looked Y/N.

“I’m fine just kinda nervous,” Y/N admitted taking a drink then looking at Fred who had a confused look on his face.

“Do I make you nervous love,” Fred asks with his signature smirk on his face.

“Maybe,” Y/N says looking at him. “It’s just my first date and I don’t want to screw this up,” She nervously laughs looking at her hands where blue nail polish is being picked off.

“I noticed,” Fred added and Y/Ns head snapped towards his direction.

“How’d you know,” Y/N asks, narrowing her eyes at Fred.

“It just seems like you never talk to anyone,” Fred confesses, making Y/N frown. She didn’t know anybody knew about this but then again Y/N always thought she would be invisible. “I didn’t mean to make you upset,” He freaks out as he notices the look on her face.

“I’m not, I just always thought I was invisible,” Y/N elaborated. “Guess I was wrong,” She smiles.

“Trust me Y/N boys notice you,” Fred laughs as Y/N narrows her eyes in confusion. Y/N barely talks to any boys unless it's for a school project. “Guys talk,” Fred admits seeing the confusion spread on her face.

Y/N made an ‘oh’ face.

For the rest of the night Y/N and Fred chatted and got to know one another. She knew that she wanted to see him again. She wanted to get to know him more and vice versa.

At the end of the date Fred leaned in to kiss her and Y/N paused for a second. She’s obviously never kissed anyone so when Fred kissed her she just froze. Until she moved her lips along with his copying his movements.

Fred put his hand in her hair and pulled her head closer. While Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck leaving nothing between the two.

Y/N takes a deep breath leaning out of the kiss. It was so passionate it made her feel like on cloud nine. Y/N noticed Fred looking at her and buried her face into his chest not wanting him to catch her embarrassment.

“You’re so cute love,” Fred chuckles, bringing his arms around her and pulling her into a hug.

From then on everything was bliss. Y/N started hanging out with Fred and George more often since Fred asked her out on their second date. On her prefect duties she tried to ignore the two pulling pranks not wanting them to get into trouble.

Even in her sixth year at school Y/N could only describe the feeling in her chest as love. She felt as if she was in love with Fred Weasley and she hoped he was feeling the same about her.

Y/N told him about her dad when they were in the last week of the year and sixth month into their relationship. She felt like she needed a reason to tell him why she was so closed.

“You know how closed off I was,” Y/N asks Fred pushing some of her hair behind her ear feeling nervous about telling him this.

“Yes feels like centuries ago love,” Fred says as he rolls his head to look at her. Fred was laying down in his bed while Y/N sat criss cross picking at the skin around her nails. Fred picked up on this and leaned on his arms to look at her.

“Hey what’s wrong,” Fred grabs one of her hands and kisses the top of it.

“My dad left me and my mom when I was young,” Y/N begins to explain. “He was my hero. He was my best friend and then one day around Christmas he just left,” She explains her eyes brimming with tears. “I never found out why,” She whispers as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Fred puts his hand on her cheek and wiped the tear away with a sorrowful expression on his face. He didn’t know this was the reason why she never talked to anyone. He thought she just hated everyone not this. Fred sits up to pull her into a hug as she sobbed into his chest.

Y/N didn’t know she still felt so strongly about the situation as buried her head into his chest.

“It was my fault,” She sobs into his chest. Fred comfortingly strokes her back.

“How can you possibly think that love,” Fred says, scrunching his nose. He pulls her back from his chest with a stern look on his face. “This is not your fault you were just a child darling,” He enveloped her cheeks between his palms.

“Then why’d he leave,” Y/N whimpers tears coming out of her eyes at a faster pace. Fred does his best to wipe away all the tears but they keep coming like a waterfall.

“I don't know love but all I know it’s not your fault,” Fred kisses her forehead. He lays both of them down and pulls her head to his chest as her sobs start to calm down.

“I love you,” Y/N whispers after a while and her voice is raw from the crying. Fred looks down at her shocked by her words.

Fred doesn’t know much but he knows that he wants to have the joke shop with his twin and that he is absolutely in love with this girl.

“I love you too,” Fred whispers, hugging her harder. Y/N leans up to kiss him and Fred holds her hand as they kiss pouring their love into that kiss. Fred's hands travel to her hair as they kiss for a minute.

Y/N smiles as they part and pecks his lips again leaning her head in the crook of his neck feeling exhausted from all the crying.

She falls asleep in minutes while Fred stays awake admiring how peaceful Y/N looks. She looks completely stress free and even though finals are down that doesn't mean there’s stress and Fred loves it when she just relaxes.

Fred falls asleep soon after his thoughts are filled of Y/N.

A week later they both parted to their houses where they sent owls to each other where they explained how much they missed each other. Y/N explained how the lake she visited reminded her of him.

When at Hogwarts Y/N and Fred usually laid in the field talking about their day or just making out. That of course if they weren’t in class.

Y/N often helped Fred with school work but it usually ended up in a make out session.

Meanwhile at the Weasley household they noticed a change in Fred. They noticed how much happier he was. Whenever an owl was delivered to the house Fred was the first to get it. He had a smile on his face as he read it.

They both couldn’t just wait to get back at school to see each other again. But what was waiting for them at school would make them wish they stayed in summer forever.

Professor Umbridge. Or as Y/N liked to call her an evil shrew.

Y/N was demoted from her prefect duties as soon as she covered for Fred and George. Y/N went to Fred rambling how much of a bitch Umbridge was.

Fred couldn’t have agreed more.

Throughout the year Y/N had Fred with her by her side which was all she needed. Fred was there for when she was demoted and she was there when he was taken off of the quidditch team.

Fred that year was extremely protective over Y/N. When she had the blood quill Fred almost went to curse Umbridge but she stopped him not wanting Fred to get hurt.

Y/N was also muggleborn which meant Umbridge used that against her. It didn’t bother Y/N that much since Umbridge was a blood supremacist. But it bothered Fred very much.

When Malfoy called Y/N a Mudblood, it didn’t bother her since she was so used to it, especially from Malfoy.

But when Fred heard about it he went to Malfoy and punched him square in the face.

“Fred why the hell did you do that,” Y/N snapped at Fred as she looked at his hand and cleaned up the blood.

“He had it coming angel,” Fred told Y/N. Angel was a new nickname Fred came up with over the summer.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Y/N softly explained, wrapping his hands up in bandages.

“It’s not like we have quidditch anymore,” Fred sadly says rolling his eyes.

“Freddie,” Y/N says with a somber expression in her eyes as she cups Fred’s cheeks with her hands. She plants a kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry if I could’ve done anything I would’ve,” She says as she sits in his lap.

“It’s not your fault angel,” Fred reassures putting his hands on her hips gently massaging them.

Y/N leans in and kisses him, her arms on his shoulders as she does so. He kisses back his hands traveling up her back. As the kiss deepens he takes off her shirt leaving her in a bra.

After that Y/N takes off his shirt and they continue to kiss passionately. Her hands wrapped around his cheeks, kissing him harder.

Before anything else happened someone opened the door.

“MY EYES,” George screamed covering his eyes as Fred rolled his eyes at his twin. George ran out of the room. Y/N giggled at the boy.

“I have a question,” Y/N asks, getting her shirt back on.

“You already did love,” Fred teases, pulling the shirt over his head and back on his body. Y/N rolls her eyes smiling at him. “What is it angel,” He asks, walking over to her and pulling her into a hug.

“Will you always love me,” She asks, burying her head in his chest.

“Always,” He promises kissing the top of her head.

It was nearing the end of the year and Fred and George were sitting down on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. They were going over plans for the joke shop.

George was rambling on about something as Fred thought of Y/N. He knew what he had to do. Let her go so she wouldn’t get hurt. By Voldemort or Umbridge.

“Fred, what's wrong,” George asks, concerned for his twin.

“I have to break up with Y/N,” Fred says and the thought of doing it even nauseated him. But he had to do it for her.

“What,” George asks flabbergasted. Y/N and Fred were good for each other. George also knew about her past and also knew it would break if he did this.”You can’t do this,” George scoffed.

“I have too for her safety,” Fred says looking at his fingers.

“Fine but you’ll have to deal with consequences,” George states.

Fred nods and stands up going to Y/N’s dorm getting ready for this. But he doesn’t feel ready as he climbs the stairs.

When he reaches her room he takes a deep breath before opening the door but frowns when he realizes when she isn’t in there. She must be in the astronomy tower. That’s where she goes to think.

Fred runs to the tower wanting to get this done and over with so he doesn’t have to see her cry. Jesus he didn’t want to make her cry but it was inevitable.

Fred sees her leaning on the railing and watching the stars. Her hair flowing in the wind. Fred didn’t want to leave her but he had to.

“Hey Y/N,” Fred gloomily said as she turned around he noticed the happy smile on her face and hated himself as he knew that smile was going to be wiped off. He walks towards her

“He Freddie,” Y/N says smiling wrapping her arms around his shoulders planting a kiss on his lips. When he didn’t kiss her back she frowned. “What’s wrong,” She asks worriedly.

Fred takes her arms off his shoulders and she looks hurt as he does. “Me and Georgie are leaving to make a joke shop,” He explains.

“Dropping out,” Y/N asks and he nods and she nods at him as well. “It’s only a couple more months and we can be together again,” She says smiling. Y/N didn’t know what’s wrong but she had a bad feeling in her stomach. Maybe it was the look on Fred’s face.

“I think we need to break up,” Fred blurts out with a sorrowful expression on his face.

“What,” Y/N replies shocked. She didn’t want to break up with him. “It’s only a couple of months,” She tries to explain.

“I don’t want to be with you,” Fred snaps, making Y/N’s eyes water.

Why do the people she always loves leave her? Why can’t one person just stay and be there for her whether it was platonically like her dad or romantically like Fred.

“Okay,” Y/N says rolling her tongue in her mouth trying not to cry. But she can feel tears brimming her eye begging to be let out. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten close to you because all it would end is in heartbreak,” She whispers, her lip quivering as tears start to cascade down her cheeks.

“Y/N-,” Fred tried to say as he approached her. She takes a breath as the wind makes her wrap her arms around herself.

“I knew it everybody in my life eventually leaves me,” Y/N lets out a laugh with tears still coming out. “And you said it wasn’t my fault,” She finally breaks down and lets out a choked sob.

“Angel-,” He tried to approach her tears glistening his own his.

“Don’t,” She whimpered, running away to her from where she finally collapsed on her bed sobbing into her pillow.

She should’ve focused on her studies and not let Fred in. If she did, she wouldn’t be here sobbing against her pillow curled up in a fetus position.

Y/N loved him so much and she thought he felt the same but she was wrong. She wished she had a time machine where she could’ve said no to the date.

If she would’ve Y/N would still be somewhat content. Now she’s just downright sad.

Fred promised her he would always love her. Y/N scoffed at the memories wiping the tears away but they kept coming.

When Fred left the next day with George she had to hold in the sobs so no one knew how bad she was hurting. They left with happy smiles on their faces as they left leaving a depressed Y/N.

Y/N finished school passing luckily. School kept her mind off Fred. It didn’t stop her from crying herself to sleep. And then she was finally out of Hogwarts.

Y/N got a job at a muggle coffee shop where she tried to rebuild her life. But things quickly fell again.

Her mom revealed to her that she had stage four breast cancer. Y/N was shocked she didn’t see the signs. She’s been so caught up with Fred she didn’t see her own moms pain.

Her mom reassured her it wasn’t her fault as Y/N cried against her moms chest.

For the next few months she was there for her mom and helped her with everything. When her mom was bed ridden she cooked her food and helped her bathe.

Y/N paid the bills with her unemployment and her money from the coffee shop.

Even in such a dark time for Y/N, her and her mom joke around. Her mom always made everything better for her.

Y/N would sometimes stay in the room in the rocking chair making sure she was okay. Y/N knew what was coming she couldn’t avoid. Her mom was going to die and she couldn’t prevent it. Y/N had to accept it. But she couldn't because her mom was the last person in her life that cared about her and she wasn’t ready to let go.

During the wizarding war Y/N stayed with her mom. She couldn’t do that, leave her all alone. Y/N had to be with her mom through the pain.

One morning Y/N woke up in the rocking chair. She opened her eyes stretching her joints before looking at her mom smiling. Then she noticed something.

“Mom,” She whispers worried as she shakes her hoping for her to wake. When she doesn’t Y/N starts to cry. “Mommy,” She whispers, shaking her hoping she wakes up. “Please wake up you’re all I have,” Y/N sobs as she hugs her mom. “You’re all I have left.”

Sobs rack throughout her body as she realized something. Everyone she’s ever loved left her. Her dad and Fred. And now her mom.

After a few more minutes of sobbing and hugging her mom she called the ambulance with tears running down her face. Voice hoarse from crying.

Y/N decided to cremate her mom and just to put a headstone so she could still visit. She put some of her mom's ashes in a necklace so she will always be with Y/N.

“I’m gonna miss you mom,” Y/N weeps as she places the flowers on the headstone. It was a sunny day contrasting her gloomy expression.

When Y/N’s mom died the war was over for a few days. Y/N didn’t worry about that since her mom was her priority.

For the next few months Y/N is almost robotic. She gets up, eats breakfast, goes to work, gets home, eats dinner, and then goes to sleep.

It feels like she can’t feel anything. She still cries herself to sleep. One day while at the coffee shop she sees some she recognizes.

“Y/N,” Fred says surprised. Y/N is too and notices he’s changed. He looks older in a good way. But Y/N doesn’t show her surprise as she stares at the red head.

“What will you be having,” Y/N asks in a monotone voice.

Fred notices something wrong with her. It doesn’t feel like the Y/N he knew. But that’s none of his business, he broke up with her.

“Just regular coffee,” Fred says quietly. Y/N nods walking away getting the coffee and walking back setting it down. “Thanks,” He smiles at her.

Y/N doesn’t say anything just walks away going to another customer. Y/N notices when she collects the money he gave her an extra tip. She rolls her eyes as she walks to the counter.

That night Fred has the same nightmare. Him dying with a wall falling on him. He wakes up in a sweat with a few tears rolling down his eyes.

Fred gets up to the phone book and looks for Y/N’s number and calls her shaking back and forth.

Y/N wakes up to a ringing and then realizes that it’s the phone. She lets out an annoyed sigh before answering it.

“What,” Y/N snaps.

“Hey it’s me,” Fred’s soft voice comes through the phone.

“Fred what are you doing calling me at,” Y/N sits up to check the time. “3 o’clock in the morning,” She sighs.

“Can I come over? I need to talk to you,” Fred asked desperately. Y/N doesn’t even know why she’s considering it. Maybe it’s the desperation in his voice that makes her worry.

“Fine,” Y/N sighs.

“Thanks,” Fred sighs out of relief getting ready then apparates to her front door and rings the doorbell.

Y/N gets her robe on and walks down the stairs. Her mother left the house in her will. She basically left everything in her will.

“Hey Fred,” Y/N sighs, opening the door wider gesturing for him to come in.

“I’m sorry for showing up so late,” Fred apologizes as Y/N goes to the kitchen to make them some tea to relax.

“Why did you even call me Fred you don’t even want to see me,” Y/N huffs before taking a sip out of her tea.

“I broke up with you for your safety,” Fred admits. Y/N scoffs not believing him. “I’m not lying, I didn’t want Voldemort or any other death eater to hurt you,” He explains with sadness in his eyes. “I know that’s not a good excuse but I just wanted you to be safe,” He pinches the bridge of his nose out of stress.

Y/N sighs and moves to the couch which Fred follows her with his cup of tea.

“Why did you even call me,” Y/N asks, leaning her arm on one of her cushions on the couch.

“During the war a wall almost fell on me and I almost died,” Fred explains making her eyes soften. “I keep having repeated nightmares over the situation and I thought talking may be able to help.”

“Oh Freddie,” Y/N cooes wrapping her hand around his cheek. “You know even being with me won’t cure this,” She explains rubbing his cheek.

“I know but it might help to have someone. I mean there’s George but I think he’s getting annoyed,” Fred lets out a little chuckle making Y/N smile. “Do you think I can have another chance,” He asks, a bit hopeful.

“Yes but we have to take it slow,” Y/N sternly says making Fred smiling

“Okay I can go with that,” Fred accepts that. “Where’s your mom,” He asks knowing this is her house.

Y/N’s face falls and Fred gets worried scooting over to her.

“Uh she died of breast cancer a few months ago,” Y/N admits, trying her hardest not to cry. She plays with the necklace with her mother’s ashes.

Fred pulls her into a hug and she rests her head on his shoulder as Fred comfortingly rubs her back up and down.

“I’m so sorry Y/N,” He whispers.

“It’s fine I think I’m finally starting to move on.”

#fred weasley one shot #fred weasley smut #fred weasley headcanons #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x oc #fred weasley fic #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley #harry potter #harry potter smut #harry potter x reader

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miyaniacs · 4 years ago

Note

Hello I saw that you opened requests so I thought I would send something (if you don’t want to write this please don’t feel like you need to 🥺 you’re amazing okay?)

ANYWAYS! Could I request how the haikyu boys (you can choose who!) would react to their S/O feeling overwhelmed and accidentally blowing up on them/pushing them away?

Life has really pushed me to my limits and I could use some comfort 😪

A/N: goshhhh I feel that omg - but please try to relax a bit and take a few minutes for yourself to calm down a bit - Sorry if this is more on the shorter side tho:( i can make those more easily when I make them shorter and don’t feel pressured to write a whole page for each one - yes I put myself under way too much pressure and I’m also a perfectionist so I really feel the blowing up part here lol

characters: Iwaizumi, Kurro, Bokuto

form: headcanon

masterlist

H/C : S/o blowing up on them

Iwaizumi:

When he ate your last pudding and you snapped at him as if he lost the wedding ring of your grandma he just stares at you

Then he blinks

Then he takes a few breathes

And storms out of the room

He doesn’t want to raise his voice at you so he just leaves to calm down too

A few seconds after he left the room you broke down and started crying bc on top of all your stress you now also fear to also loos him too

But as soon as he hears your snobs

He storms back into the room and pulls you into a hug - rocking you back and forth

Pressing gentle kisses on your forehead

Pulling you even closer

He‘ll realize what’s wrong after you mutter a soft “I’m sorry it’s just all too much”

Now he’s apologizing

And telling you that it’s okay and that everyone has those moments

He’s constantly rubbing your back too

You two are literally sitting on the kitchen floor at 10pm telling each other how much you love them & that you’d never leave because of something this minor

After you calmed down he puts you - yes he’s dressing you as if you’re a child - in your favorite hoodie of his & puts on your jacket

Now you’re on a walk to the nearest grocery store to get some new pudding and whatever you crave and need to have a relaxing night - which for you will be spent in Iwaizumis tight embrace

Kuroo:

This boy oml

You painted your nails and he bumped into you wich causes you to ruin your almost dried nail polish

And dear lord

How you escalated

You screamed

And cried

And screamed

Hitted his chest

Cried again

And all over again

Until you stand in front of him panting, not tears left hands on your knees bend over

And he‘s still standing there, same expression as the Second you began this mess - which is his usual neutral, sassy look

“All good now?“ he simply asks

( that for me would lead to a new breakout bc how dare he?! How dare he be so calm now???)

but I assume you’re not me so you just nod exhausted

“Good“ he says and walkes away leaving you confused ??? Again HOW DARE HE????

What you didn’t know tho: he knew you’ll reach your breaking point soon and he’s prepared

But then you hear the water running and you walk to the bathroom just to find him lightening up some candles, in the bathtubs there’s already countless bubbles forming too

“Now strip baby and let me help you relax.”

Yes your mind is clearer after that night

Not only a cleaning the bathroom from all the spilled water is included also NO you also get a massage, chocolates, a marathon of your fav movies, an UNO match and ... bed time

And yes he offers you to let out all your frustration in another way the next time or for him to ... help you relax too

Bokuto:

Bby boy would be so sad when you pushed him away the second he wraps his arms around you

He thinks you don’t love him anymore :(

Emo mode actived

Which makes you even more pissed

You can’t deal with this shit rn

Soooo you leave to clear your mind

Bokuto will sink down on the bed, hugging his knees, eyes big and glassy, hair flat

But then !!! He gets an idea!

You’re the love of his life??! He won’t let you go without fighting

So his hair spikes up again and he hurries outside

Meanwhile you come back home, an apology ready to be told

You felt bad - yes. It wasn’t his fault - he didn’t knew since you haven’t told him that you’re stressed

But again - you didn’t want ti stress him / make him worry with your problems

So when you come back home to find the apartment empty you panick

Walking up and down the room you ruff up your hair, akaashi’s number already about to be called when you hear the door open again

“KOU?!” You screen and rush towards him

He immediately drops everything and opens his arms to wrap himself around you

“I’m so sorry kou! I’m just- it’s just all too much” you mutter into his chest and he pulls you closer into a bone crashing hug

“Nooo I’m sorry, I should have noticed that you aren’t feeling your best and -“

Well ... it’s a constant back and forth with countless I love yous and kisses

Until he remembers something

“THE FLOWERS!!!”

“The what?!”

Then he points to the beautiful bouquet laying on the floor

“You got them for me?” You look at him with big eyes

“YES! And this one too!!” He points to the other side - a big plushy owl lays on the floor

Bokuto scratch’s his head and picked both up - now it’s his face between flowers and a plushy owl

“For you my love!”

#🔪#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #hq headcanons #iwaizumi x y/n #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader #bokuto headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons #kuroo headcanons

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wh6res · 4 years ago

Text

sedan | jaemin

—part 2

synopsis. it was only a matter of time until he snapped. he was right, you should've seen it coming.

warnings. noncon, swearing, yandere themes, there’s a knife lmao

note. yalls idk :( it keeps deleting paragraphs when i add a readmore wtf is this sorcery IM SO SORRY

[read part 1]

apparently, your captor had enough respect for your dignity not to take you in the backseat of his old sedan. saying something along the lines of how you had completely ruined the mood by how much you were crying underneath him. “it’s not even pretty crying!” jaemin had exclaimed, hauling you up to your feet and carrying you bridal style towards the house.

respect? pft. he has long passed the line of respecting your dignity—the moment he forced that drug into your system and shoved you inside his car, he was a goner.

you don’t bother thrashing against his arms, having thought better. with your wrists and knees duct-taped together, running seemed like a joke. instead, you stare longingly at the outside world over jaemin’s shoulder—it definitely isn’t the last time you’ll see it, but if you were here because of his fucked up possessiveness over you, then escaping will be a challenge.

three months of working alongside jaemin is enough for you to know how thorough he can be. he’s quite the perfectionist, and you remember admiring his keen attention to detail but now you only fear for the things he has in store for you to make sure you’ll never leave his side. it was due to this train of thought that you involuntarily start shaking against him. the automated lock in the front door beeps into place and now you were stuck here with him, once and for all.

before you are able to take a look around the house, scoping enemy territory, a hand comes up to cover your eyes. the moment your fingers wrap around his wrist to pry it away, he hisses, and you let go immediately.

“stay still or else,” you obliged, scared of what he can do now that he has you all to himself inside the house. “i know what you’re thinking. still so fucking predictable. you’d have to earn my trust until i let you roam around here.”

the loud clicks of your restraints locking together prove that he is a man of his word.

the basement he keeps you in is disgusting. the tiles beneath you are cold, a few leaking pipes in the corner, dust everywhere, and a tiny window across the room—you doubt your chains can reach that far. but what captured your eyes the most is the numerous pillows stuck onto the walls and ceiling. the colors of its casings are faded, none of them matching one another at all. it was as if everything was messily put together at the last minute and you almost feel a tiny bit of relief that maybe, jaemin isn’t as thorough as you thought he’d be.

“i soundproofed the walls and everything, isn’t that romantic?”

you don’t answer, too caught up thinking about how you’ll stay warm that you don’t notice the way his eyes trail over your shaking figure, knees tucked under your chin, pressing yourself firmly against the wall to appear smaller. to create as much distance from him as possible.

jaemin frowns in distaste, a low hum resounding in the back of his throat as he thought; no, this won’t do.

“are you cold?” he asks.

once again, he’s met with silence.

if there is one thing jaemin absolutely hates with a passion, it was being ignored. the feeling is so foreign to him. maybe it was because of how much he naturally expects to bear the spotlight, that when you refused to even slightly acknowledge him as anything, he was confused. fascinated but frustrated at the same time.

it is the same frustration he felt when you turned him down. the same frustration he felt when you fought against him. the same frustration he felt when you don’t stop crying underneath him. the same frustration he felt right at this very fucking moment.

“i don’t think ignoring me will do you good, sweetheart. i asked you a question, didn’t i? i’ll say it again, one last time,” the edge in his voice is unmistakable. “are you cold or not?”

at this point, jaemin feels stupid for even thinking about granting you the slightest bit of leniency by leaving you alone tonight. jaemin had been willing to put aside his desires and wants for you. but his patience can only stretch so far until it comes snapping back.

and boy, were you in for it.

he utters your name, low and threatening and you just knew what it meant. as the victim, it should’ve been in your best interest to keep your captor from losing his shit and hurting you… and yet, you remain silent. you don’t know what’s gotten into you. the words are right at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say anything. it was as if time had stopped and your brain had short-circuited, making you forget how to speak.

when he stood up from the stool and started stalking towards you, you knew it was too late.

“jaemin…” your voice shakes. “jaem—yes, yes—i feel—i feel cold—”

the sting on your right cheek is the only thing to register in your mind for a few good seconds until it all clicks into place. he just backhanded you.

“i never thought you’d be such a fucking bitch,” he hisses, pulling at your restraints. “you were so silent, i thought you went mute, baby. how can you treat me like that? it’s no way to treat your lover.”

his soft tone catches you off guard for a fraction of a second. it was the same way he spoke to you before… all of this. it was the same tone that had once lulled you into a sense of security when you were stuck in a new environment, scared, making mistakes left and right, but jaemin had proved he can be someone you can depend on.

and look at what that cost you.

jaemin’s eye twitched when he noticed the slightly dazed look on your face, eagerly slotting himself between your thighs before holding your legs down with his shins. his hands dart out, grabbing your jaw in one hand before placing the other snug around your neck. the man can feel the rush of his blood flowing through his veins, ears ringing as he admires how pretty you were underneath him—pretty and helpless.

with a sudden urge, he darts his head forward to take a long whiff of your hair, eyes rolling back in ecstasy. he barely even registers the tears wetting the hand holding your face. jaemin is too far gone in his head because finally, fucking finally, he has you right where he wants you and absolutely no one can steal you away from him anymore.

meanwhile, you try hard to push him off of you but the pressure he’s applying to your legs proves too much. the hand encased around your throat pulls away and your happiness was short-lived as jaemin reaches for something above your head. it glints against the sole fluorescent light in the basement—

you freeze at the sight of his pocket knife.

he laughs, sounding too sweet and lighthearted. “now, now. i won’t hurt you…”

you hold your breath when he drags the knife across your body. from your collarbones, down the valley of your breasts, and finally settling at the bottom of your shirt. “i won't hurt you if you don’t move around too much.”

the sound of fabric ripping against the sharp blade made you want to thrash as hard as you can but jaemin had purposely angled the knife so the tip dragged against the surface of your skin. bile rises up your throat when you notice the way he eyes every inch of your torso as its slowly revealed to him.

“see, i know you’re a good girl. i just have to force it out of you sometimes, huh?” he mocks, quickly hooking the knife under your bra so he needn’t struggle reaching for the hook in the back.

his reaction is immediate the moment he sees you bare before him. he doesn’t even grant you the chance of hiding when he’s managed to hold your wrists in one hand, the knife clattering loudly on the floor as he surged forward, lips latching onto one of your breasts as his free hand feels the other one up. you turn your head to the side, not wanting to see his ministrations. until one particularly hard nip makes you yelp, his teeth latching painfully against a nipple before glaring at you through his eyelashes.

“eyes on me.”

jaemin can’t have you turning away from him. it simply looks like another act of defiance, as if you were depriving him of the expressions of pleasure found in your face as he continues to lick and suckle at the skin of your breasts, purple and red blooming on your skin.

when jaemin retracts from you to pull his shirt over his head, you made the last feeble attempt of trying to escape him. you’re able to free one of your legs from underneath him and have successfully delivered a kick to the groin. jaemin folds in pain. you managed to flip onto your stomach, dragging your body away with just your arms. you’ve only managed a few inches, chains rattling aggressively, when you felt his nails dig into the back of your thighs.

“fuck,” he grunts. “you’re going to fucking pay for that, pretty thing.”

he turns you around with one hand, unfazed by the pitiful look of your tears and snot cascading down your face as he looms over you, his knife in one hand as he fists your hair.

you shook violently as you brace your hands against his bare chest. jaemin would’ve revelled at the feeling of you touching him if you hadn’t kicked him in the balls only seconds ago.

“jaemin, please… i don’t want any of this—”

“you’re so cute, begging like anything could get you out of this.”

you flinch, eyes shutting closing on instinct. you feel something sharp poking on your neck, and it only takes you a fraction of a minute to register that jaemin is now holding his knife against your throat. digging the blade enough for you to know it’s there but not hard enough to draw blood.

“look how much you’re shaking, baby,” he coos, the tightness in his pants becoming unbearable as he gives you a one over. “such a sheltered kid, aren’t you? no wonder you’re so fucking naive, always making mistakes. always making the wrong judgement. you’re used to depending on someone, right? well…”

jaemin slices the skin above your collarbone. you don’t scream, the fear of him slicing your throat all together lies heavy in the air.

“…it’s a good thing you met me, huh?”

fuck you.

“i’m here, baby. you can depend on me all you want,” the giddiness and the sudden spark in his eyes make you dread what he’ll do next—you hear the sounds of a belt unbuckling. “i’ll bathe you, i’ll feed you, dress you up, but…”

there are no tears left when you feel his fingers pulling your shorts down together with your underwear. no tears left when you feel the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance.

“…you’ll have to give me something in return. that’s what good girls do, right?”

you screamed.

#yandere nct #yandere jaemin #yandere kpop #tw noncon #tw dubcon #tw knife

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quiche-draws · 4 years ago

Photo

Been feeling restless all night and realized I hadn’t drawn for myself in ages, so I decided to decompress a little and depict this scene that’s been playing in my mind for a few days now (took me an hour cuz I ended up getting perfectionist on a couple parts). Here is a scene from my Diverge AU.

After Ben Solo disappears from realspace for two years, he finds himself before Rey and co. during a mission in Coruscant where they both just happened to be there at the same time. Unfortunately, it’s not a very warm welcome for him initially. More details below the cut.

(PLEASE REBLOG ONLY. DO NOT REPOST.)

Rey immediately lashes out at Ben the moment he reveals himself because she's so angry at him for leaving & thinks her mind is playing tricks on her. Everyone else watches in shock as she starts fighting their mysterious ally in brown robe. Meanwhile Ben goes on the defensive immediately, and ignites Luke's saber without taking a swing at her this time unlike TROS, and he keeps yelling at her to stop, trying to calm her down "Rey please!" Even her other friends are telling her she's going too far.

It takes her toppling and disarming him before she realizes he's real, as he stares up at her with pleading, fearful eyes, the same eyes she saw in her visions when Luke nearly killed him too..except there's a hint of awe. She's never seen his fear in person before.

Realizing he's real, she lowers her lightsaber and falls to her knees in tears while Ben is still shaken by the entire thing. He tries to comfort her but her friends arrive as soon as the fighting stops. One of them glares at Ben and he can only lower his head.

As expected, the Resistance doesn't take too well to him and he's cuffed and brought with them in custody. But during the trip back, Ben and Rey exchange confused but oddly relieved glances at each other and she sneaks a smile at him after she's done crying.

#star wars #sw #reylo #rey #ben solo #diverge au #sw diverge au #kylo ren #qooky art #doodles #fan art #sequel trilogy #st

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aonogifreactions · 4 years ago

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Minecraft headcanons no one asked for

a/n: olcvfgmlkfm this hit me so randomly i dont even know. enjoy!! under the cut due to length!

★ Characters: Rin, Yukio, Mephisto, Amaimon.

★ Words: 1,6k.

Rin:

this sweetheart loves playing with you whenever you ask him to! it relaxes him a lot, plus just having fun with you is making him really happy.

he stays somewhere near you, ALWAYS. he’s way too embarrassed to admit he’s scared (same Rin, same), so whenever he yelps or jumps on his bed because he heard a zombie growl, you can laugh as much as you want, but don’t be surprised if he shoots a glare at you and pouts.

he’ll bring you whatever you want. wood? fine. iron? no problem, he’s already on his way to find a cave (even if he’s afraid of caves.. he’ll do it for you).

he’s not very good at building, so usually he leaves it to you, and it doesn’t really matter whether you live in a “house” made out of dirt or a full ass mansion; no matter what your building skills are, he’s gonna praise you anyway.

sucks at parkour. DON’T ask him to play a parkour map, he’s gonna whine and barely make one jump.

speaking about bad jumping, he’s really clumsy and somehow always ends up with the highest death streak. for example, he’s sprinting to kill a pig, but somehow doesn’t notice a fucking lava pool below him and jumps right into it. accidentally hits a zombie piglin (or pigman, depends on what version you play on) and he’s dead.

HOWEVER, he’s the guy who gets really lucky. do you remember/have a person/friend that always manages to get diamonds first? yep, it’s him. gets the best enchants. both on books and tools or armor. he also gets the ender dragon kill first too.

he won’t play without optifine and texture pack other than the default one. he hates it. his fave is faithful and if it doesn’t work, he’s constantly commenting on how the default one is hurting his eyes.

he will NOT survive listening to both disc “11″ and “13″ he hates it. don’t play it unless you want him to cry.

hasn’t played alpha nor beta versions, but he likes watching vids of it! he gets very nostalgic, which honestly bewilders him because he started playing way after beta. sometimes you can catch him listening to the old soundtrack all teared up, or falling asleep to it.

LOVES GREEN PARROTS. one of them is named after you.

MAY I INFORM YOU, HE DOES PLACE HIS BED TOGETHER WITH YOURS.

Yukio:

unlike rin, he’s always complaining about you asking him to play, but he’s obviously gonna do it (because he loves u,, even if he says he doesn’t). it also relaxes him, but mostly, he likes it because he’s able to get his mind off of “adult things” and finally get some rest.

wooo, he’s the brave one. he isn’t afraid of zombie gurgles or anything like that, so he’s always going to caves first (and gets lost because he’s literally going deeper and deeper FDMKFMV). however, there’s one thing that always startles him... cave sounds. he doesn’t scream, but if you’re near him, you can sometimes witness his character spinning or jerking his head in another direction because of it vcxkvnjhbv

don’t, i repeat, dON’T make fun of him afterward. he’s gonna go all the way back to you and kill you (and then go back mining.. like nothing happened).

the perfectionist. always mines all the resources he sees; during building something he also always makes sure everything’s proportional. gladly counts blocks for you, if your brain can’t work anymore.

now, building! not very skilled with building houses, but he likes building simple decorations, like fountains, gardens or farms. despite him always claiming it’s bad, his work always looks very detailed. not very good with ideas of those things at first, so mainly at the beginning he always finds some inspirations on the internet, but later gets the hang of it and builds his own ideas!

his favorite place to have a house in is somewhere near the ocean.

likes default textures. too used to have anything else.

doesn’t like listening to in-game music, unless it’s something from beta or alpha versions (like “Haggstorm” or “Wet Hands”). Usually listening to his own favorite songs on Spotify.

His favorite disc is “Far”. It used to be “Cat”, but due to him obtaining it like 3000 times he stopped liking it. nor hearing it anywhere near.

when he goes out to get resources and/or food, he comes back with full inventory and shulkers, just like a father that’s about to feed his kids. minimum 10 stacks of iron, coal blocks and food. the nearest 10k chunks of caves is already explored, so you better be ready for a long, lONG WALK to get something new.

he’s also fond of beta versions, but rarely plays them without you.

Mephisto:

this motherfucker wants to literally speedrun every fucking game. meanwhile you’re busy making a wooden pick, he’s out there typing “can’t wait to beat the dragon and get elytras~! ★”

remembers literally every recipe for all items and alchemy. personal minecraft wikipedia right there.

he MUST have a fucking mansion, otherwise, he isn’t playing. fortunately, he’s tried building before, so he’s perfectly capable of building one himself. it’s all made out of pink wool and concrete, along with white concrete accents here and there.

adding to the previous one, he also has a great decorating sense. the rooms look very good, space is filled nicely and is both pretty and practical. the mansion itself looks very good on outside and inside.

of course, the main bedroom that’s designed especially for you two looks WAY TOO GOOD. I'm not even gonna start on him messing with plugins and making it even prettier.

his skin is a random, pink anime girl.

master with redstone. everything’s automated, there also might be hidden rooms with surprises. there’s a hidden shrine dedicated for you. he hasn’t told you about that though... >_>

even though he gets many useful things from the swamp biome, like lily pads or that cyan flowers, he hates this biome with a burning passion. if he sees it anywhere near his render distance he’s spasming and immediately voicing his annoyance. hates that specific, “dirty and unsightly” green water and grass color.

he doesn’t do much mining, but happily goes with you if you ask him to. even if he has no armor on, he never dies. NEVER. there might be 6 creepers but he somehow survives their explosion.

not scared at all. he knows this game like the back of his hand. he might, however, attempt to scare YOU instead. on purpose. or accidentally hit you so you fall from a large height and die. if you get upset at him afterward, he’s gonna give you even better stuff you’ve had before.

HE LOVES PLAYING ALPHA AND BETA. he started to play probably around very early alpha, so coming back to such simpler times is making him somewhat nostalgic (even if he denies it). on those versions, he builds things that used to be popular back in the day, like simple towers of cobblestone or houses inside mountains. it hits him hard when old soundtrack plays.

Amaimon:

he’s very, very confused. first off, he’s not used to the game at all, but then, he googles almost any recipe or asks you thousands of questions about how to make things. after some time, he finally figures out that there’s a book with recipes in game.

he might steal your items, but usually, he gives you back better items. for example, you notice your iron pickaxe is missing, but suddenly he sprints into the house and throws at you diamonds.

oh, he’s aware of the existence of chests, but for some reason, he likes throwing various items at you. he runs off afterward, leaving you with everything on the ground.

don’t introduce him to bedrock edition, he hates playing minecraft with a gamepad, and will smash it immediately. java edition is the only help for this man.

he’s also clumsy, like Rin. he manages to do that less than him somehow, but he tends to die pretty often anyway. his deaths are the stupidest, sometimes he doesn’t even bother explaining it. he literally can die with gravel suffocating him.

once he goes to the nether, he doesn’t wanna go back to the overworld. he says something along the lines of it being similar to gehenna or whatever, but. no matter what version it is - pre- or post- update 1.16, he likes it and that’s it.

his favorite biome in the overworld is jungle - mostly because of the lively color of grass, but also tall trees. he likes having there treehouses and always asks if you can build one (because he sucks at building. even worse than Rin >_>). his fave in the nether is blue forest or basalt biome - however, he becomes mad quickly on the second one due to frequent gaps filled with lava and magma cubes.

he likes normal slimes though. he even has a pet slime!! QwQ

he named his pet slime after Behemoth. keeps it safe in a glass cube and checks on it regularly. Behemoth doesn’t know about it doe.

he bullies every single villager that’s within his sight. burns their homes. the only thing that survives is the iron golem because he thinks it’s cool.

plays with the basic Steve skin. partially because he doesn’t know how to change it and that he isn’t determined enough to look for any.

forgets that crouching exist and falls off almost every cliff or anything that’s considered high.

#Ao no Exorcist #blue exorcist #rin okumura #Rin Okumura x reader #Yukio Okumura #yukio okumura x reader #mephisto pheles #amaimon #Headcanon #Pure

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chateautae · 3 years ago

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Helloo, this might be the weirdest ask you ever got BUT let's just let it be.

So, I am 20 y/o. I am in my second year of a glorious STEM major (my butt is being kicked by plant biology;; shut the fuck up trees and other green things -other than Shrek ofc.)

I truly love what I major in. I don't think I would ever want to change it. Even though my ass is being beaten up, I wake up every day thanking God for studying biology. (Was this too nerd? Are you scared?)

HOWEVER, like many STEM majors, I am afraid of that sweet uNeMPloYmeNt. My dear university now offers 4 years of bachelor degree in digital marketing for its students. The offer will stay even after I graduate, and its fee is quite cheap. So I could continue bio and have a couple of evening classes for digital marketing. Then, voila, graduate with a double major.

The degree is about everything from e-commerce to web and app designs to cyber security to legal regulations behind companies to ICT to marketing to finance (?? what is finance ?? is it a type of bread? Qu'ils mangent de la brioche! )

I am intrigued by the programming side of this degree. I do a little bit of programming outside my own degree, and it wouldn’t hurt to take formal lectures. Also, I could grit my teeth and bear the finance side of it. I could possibly pass the classes. They don’t seem too difficult (no offence to anybody, I just became an academic creature whose parents are Hulk and Shrek )

However, I have zero interest in e-commerce and marketing. I am mostly sure that I will not enjoy it as much as I do biology. But adults don’t have to enjoy what they do, right? They just DO IT 👌🏼🥺

Considering I have terrible time management, I could just fail two degrees and in my job as well. Either way, this degree may just sit on my CV (At the same time, I have zero lab experience due to c*rona bullshi*🦠, so who knows which degree will sit on my CV 😉)

On the other hand, I am a fricking perfectionist. So I might just graduate with honours.

Nonetheless, E-commerce and digital marketing is the FUtURe of our society. And It is the reason why my head got stuck to it. I just think whether if I would regret not doing it in future. What if in future I ask myself “why the fuck didn’t you do it?” while crying between failed experiments and unpublished papers?

I could get certificates for digital marketing if I desperately need it. But a degree sounds way ✨ FULLER ✨ (Meanwhile Karl Max: 😦)

Plus, while I was writing this, two of my friends texted me and said “it’s okay, you can do it” I dunnooo, can I? should I?

I am very indecisive AS YOU CAN PROBABLY SEE. Please be a dear and give me your opinions.

Thank you so so so much for your answer. I am very sorry for dumping my life stress on you, but I see you as a supportive girl friend ( me 💘 you ) I would appreciate it if other people comment their opinions as well.

I love you all my Internet friends

Note: Mr Kim Taehyung if you are reading this: HAVE MY BABIES, PLEASE.

Note2: Dear Kim Namjoon, please fvck this stress out of my body.

*Should I just try it for a year and see if it is good for me?

** You know what,,, I am going to cry and get someone to read my tarot cards

*** My dad offered that I should flip a coin

Not a weird ask at all bubs ❤️ ugh this is such a hard thing to comment on because I can’t exactly tell you how to live your life. I completely understand the way you’re thinking, but the best thing I would say to do is weigh the pros and cons and honestly, maybe think about what you see yourself doing in your future. There’s also another idea where if you do flip a coin, usually when the coin’s in the air we already make up our mind of what we want the decision to be. Wherever your heart is loves, possibly think about what’s more important to you and what you value. It’s always better to live a life where we do something with our heart in it, because it’ll always be that much more worth it 🥺❤️

#anon #inbox #sammy’s advice

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llycaons · 4 years ago

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28, 2/2

oh right, duel. I thought it was kind of dumb? this is one of the things that’s boring on a rewatch because you know it’s a ruse. still, jc totally stabbed wwx and that sucks because it’s not like wwx needs to convince anyone they’re fighting, jc just felt like being hurtful. wwx was hurt worse than jc anticipated bc jc didn’t know wwx had no core to help him recover, but it sucks anyway. wwx was mad coming down, he didn’t expect it

the blood looks so realistic here damn

wwx was looking so so hot and righteous and cool and jc was just looking overdressed and tacky with a giant forehead, days after getting rejected by a girl whos persecuted family he refused to help whatsoever despite being one of the only people with real political power in their world...cringe

like I know he’s in a tight situation but when he asked her “why didn’t you ask me for help” and she was like “would YOU have dropped everything and broken into a prison camp for me? would YOU have revived my dying brother and brought my family to a safe place and made a home there? huh? let’s not kid ourselves” it was so ajsdkdfdsf

wait wwx doesn’t even touch jc how does his arm break? did the spirits break his arm? why is he coughing up blood?

did jc give wwx money? is that how he could buy meat? I’m pretty sure lwj gave wq money but it’s not really even strongly hinted at for jc

I cannot fucking believe wwx lost his toddler in a crowded market. like the first time I saw this I was in actual denial. I was like ‘there is NO WAY an adult would be so irresponsible with a child’. wwx is a good parental figure later but not here lol he’s a mediocre babysitter at best. losing a child

maybe this is my older sister brain but HOW DO YOU LOSE A CHILD. HOW. HE’S THE CLINGY TYPE EVEN.

if yanli had less patience for bullshit maybe wwx and jc would have had better communication. love her, she’s an angel, but if my brothers treated each other that way I would give them a very serious talk at the VERY least

anyway. lan wangji is here finally I missed him so bad. he has such beautiful eyes. so does jzx. we get a lot of eye closeups in this episode actually. dark brown eyes...spectacular

lwj in the marketplace is so ajksdfsfkhf he’s terrified and these old guys are giving him advice so earnestly and all he can do is softly whisper he’s not the dad. perfect example of “not knowing how to do something, lwj just doesn’t do anything” PERFECTIONIST. meanwhile wwx is losing his shit on the sidelines

I’m actually very proud of lwj learning how to properly show care to a child, having zero experience and being terrified of failure. but to not try to be a good caretaker is unthinkable. so he gives it his best shot and gets better at it and learns how to interact with kids...love that for him. and I think he remembers the advice from the elders too.

ahh the slo-mo reunion shots with long tender gazes...missed these

wwx calling lwj pretty but mean-looking lksdskjdksf

once I saw a post like “wwx would NEVER tease a child with a toy! he’s an angel, he totally knew lwj would buy it for him and was benevolently offering him the opportunity” it’s not that deep, wwx was poor and has rules about spending money and was looking for a quick way to cheer up a-yuan. distractions work really well for that, even if denying him the toy makes me upset

but the very straightforward mindset lwj has of just giving kids what they want must be so out of line with lan practices I feel like? such restraint and humility emphasized, and he wants to give this kid the entire toy store. principles out the window as soon as you see a crying kid, huh hanguang-jun

not to overanalyze a very quick shot but when he looks at wwx and visibly swallows I mean. he wants to raise kids with wwx so bad he wants to be a dad with him and have a family and stay together with him he wants that so bad. this word is overused but yearning

postcanon! adoption! I am a passionate advocate for postcanon wx kids! after maybe like, a year or two. honeymoon phase. wen ning and SL can babysit

I’ve seen postcanon stuff where the kids are how jc and wwx reconcile and I don’t see that. children are not a tool to use to emotionally reconnect with your estranged brother, that’s not fair on anyone. (this includes jin ling. also lsz. adults using children/juniors as crutches to deal with their emotional problems had devastating consequences on wwx’s family and I don’t see him or lwj doing that to anyone else)

it kills me that wwx never got to see a-yuan grow up AND that the audience never sees lwj and lsz together during his youth. hearing about it secondhand is cute but it’s hard to really pinpoint how a serious, stoic, very literal, grieving 20-something who speaks like he’s talking out of a textbook is able to connect with an eight-year old, or inspire such love and trust and reverence in the juniors, or even how he is with a-yuan after he leaves the cold pond cave. we don’t even get to see their farewell discussion! robbed! we were robbed!

#cql rewatch #oh im doing this from now on #the bunny story was cute :)#arg emotional payoff won't be for another 15 episodes

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kihyunswrath · 4 years ago

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what are some tiny details you love about kihyun? details that maybe people wouldn't notice at first until they've biased him for awhile?

Shit like... do you understand what you just did???? I avoided responding to this for a second because I was like what the hell do I even say and how do I avoid making this into a FIVE MILES long post?

There’s no tiny detail about Kihyun I DON’T love so that’s the ultimate problem.

But okay. You asked. Blame yourself.

I’m going to mainly focus on things that are not mentioned very often, because like you said, these are the details people don’t either notice, pay specific attention to or know how to put into words, unless I guess they’re like me and spend all day thinking about Kihyun.

1) First let’s talk about his personality and the way he handles his relationships and reacts to other people:

I love how he shows intimacy and closeness to his friends. I mean I’ve said it before, he has a pretty big personal space for someone raised in a Korean culture (where personal space is somewhat... challenged by the cultural norms) and he definitely doesn’t allow anyone to come too close. He doesn’t get hugged, kissed, held or squished by the other members and he doesn’t do that to them either so it makes me believe he just isn’t comfortable with such intimacy. However he does initiate intimacy by doing other things - and one thing I love is how he pets other people’s ears:

LIKE WHO DOES THAT? WHY EARS? It would never in one thousand years occur to me to touch anyone’s ears but he has done this occasionally. I love it so much I want to cry. Like I become teary-eyed now looking at those stupid gifs. Maybe that’s just because Changkyun starts looking so soft and shy after being touched but still.

Even in general when he does reach out for his members and is not intending to slap or hurt them, his touches are like. VERY gentle. Like I don’t even know why he decided to hold Hyungwon’s head like that but. I love it:

And if he’s really excited and giddy he might start lifting people in the air despite the size difference. He does this surprisingly often too, it’s his thing:

Also I’m guessing his eagerness to take pictures of his friends is his other way to show he likes them and it’s pretty cute, even though Jooheon right here thinks he’s being a nuisance:

In general I love that despite him being pretty dominant, controlling and demanding, he isn’t cold, merciless, cynical or hard to impress. Like for being so perfectionist and eager to scold others, for being so interested in maintaining his cool image in front of the cameras, you could imagine those being his most defining characteristics in his personal relationships, but they’re not. His most defining feature, in my opinion, still seems to be his endless curiosity, genuine interest and sense of wonder. The members have said it before that he’s actually rather gullible and I don’t know about that, but I love seeing that curious, gentle and very tuned in look on his face when he follows whatever the other members are telling/showing him:

I also love how easy it is to impress him:

And to make him slightly intimidated, confused and still 200% involved:

How easy it is to make him die from laughter no matter what you tell him and whether it actually even is that funny:

And that no matter how much he nags and scolds and how people love to make that his biggest personality trait, I don’t think people give him enough credit for ignoring and “true neutraling” his friends’ (Minhyuk’s) bullshit just about as often:

And I mean, how could I not again mention that one thing that never fails to amaze me:

He just does not get tired? Ever?

Like yeah, obviously he looks a bit swollen and exhausted right after waking up and you can technically tell him to go sleep and he probably then does. But that’s normal. I still don’t think we’re talking enough about how he’s constantly 100% present, alert, bouncy and involved when the cameras are on, no matter how hard he has worked, how exhausted he is, how tired the others are, how boring the situation is, how stressful it might be and how long they have been awake. Like. It’s funny when people mention Hyungwon’s sleepiness as one of his personality traits, when that’s not a personality trait at all, he’s just acting exactly like 99% of the world’s population if we became idols. Let’s face it, we would all be like Hyungwon. Or Changkyun, or Shownu, or Wonho, or Jooheon, who all visibly look tired and fucking fed up sometimes. Even if we were like Minhyuk, full of energy, sometimes we would still run out of battery and just stare at nothingness eyes wide. Or become fucking angry like he sometimes does. Minhyuk might be the hyperactive member in the group, but oh boy does he sometimes show that he isn’t feeling good.

Meanwhile, Kihyun is still out there kissing dogs and cats and tiny babies, taking 5678 selfies and posting them all at once, jumping up and down, slapping people he passes, filming cover songs in his tiniest little recording booth, laughing at staff members or nonexistent things, making incoherent dance moves, preparing noodles for the entire group to eat, singing ear-piercing high notes, dumping the entire fucking refrigerator to the bathtub and washing it, and playing drums with his thighs and hands when there’s nothing else he’s allowed to do.

You physically cannot find me a video (that isn’t taken right after he woke up), where he actually shows his exhaustion, where he puts his guard down and either lets his gaze go out of focus or shows he doesn’t fucking care. You cannot, that kind of footage simply does not exist. You won’t be able to find a video where the others would say something like “yeah Kihyun won’t participate, he’s tired”. That’s just not a thing.

I mean sure, it kind of scares me too. I want him to just fuck off sometimes and look at the camera like he just didn’t give a shit, because that’d be a sign of humanity in him, but at the same time? It’s fucking impressive and a whole talent on its own, and even if the other members don’t often say it out loud, I think it keeps their spirits up too.

So unlike Hyungwon, whose exhaustion is just a normal reaction and not a personality type, it says something important of Kihyun, in my opinion, that he has decided to just push through whatever obstacles and emotions he might actually have, in order to focus on whatever he thinks is important.

I mean I’d like to have this kind of a determined nuclear factory somewhere near me too:

2) There are many other things too of course, but let’s move on to his outer appearance / his tiny mannerisms I love the most:

There’s this thing he does with his mouth when his laughter is dying down or when he’s generally thinking of what to say, or sometimes just because. He tightens his upper lip a little and it forms this bow shape and I just. Yeah. He also jolts his head back like someone literally shot him in the head with the joke, and it’s very endearing to me. Here he does both:

Then there’s this absent-minded tongue-thing he does occasionally. Yeah I know, most people think anything involving tongues is probably sexual, but no, this is just fucking cute. I mean look.

Then there’s the fact that is related to what I said earlier about his curious and 100% involved personality: he often reacts to things with not just his face, but his entire body. Every time he does that I want to hug him:

And of course, just like all Kihyun fans, I love his smile a lot in general, but I especially love the one that starts from his upper teeth and slowly opens downward to reveal his lower teeth while his eyes become rainbows:

I love that gif for other reasons too of course. Like despite Kihyun being kind of annoying and scaring Jooheon often, he never goes out of his way to do it. Like I wouldn’t let him to do that to me because my responses to being scared are wildly unpredictable, but I love how he never continues with the prank or seriously tries to make anyone uncomfortable. Here he left his hands on Jooheon’s shoulders for a while to make sure he couldn’t get too scared.

Then there’s this entire video the gif below is from that people like to pretend doesn’t exist but I think is the best video ever made. No one aces that kind of cringey but cool but cringey concept like Kihyun. No one does this “fuck you looking at” face like Kihyun.

And of course no one holds dogs like Kihyun, like he’s an almighty dog deity whose lap any puppy can climb into and then doze off in heavenly peace while he’s gently rocking them:

And then there’s the way he sniffs:

He actually sniffs with just one nostril, like Minhyuk who blinks unevenly. Anyway I also whole-heartedly support his outfit and nonchalant munching in the latter gif.

And then let’s face it, one reason why many Kihyun fans end up liking him so much is because of how expressive and lively face he has in general. Like he might not show his real anger and exhaustion in front of the cameras very often, but otherwise he walks through all the stages of grief, anger, regret, pain and giddiness and his facial expressions definitely reflect that. He just throws himself into those experiences, and although that can’t be heard from these gifs alone, he also constantly lets out sounds of displeasure, excitement, fear or amazement. Like he’s a person with a noticeable presence, even if he isn’t quite as vocal and loud as Minhyuk.

Here you know exactly how cold that ice cream is:

And here his entire face changes shape after he just got slightly scared of that whatever DJ machine:

And I don’t know exactly how to describe this combination of mild irritation and sun-shining-on-your-face but we have all been there:

And obviously there’s this “I’m trying to smile while slowly transforming into a walnut because of how fucking much I reject all of what you just said”:

And whatever this is:

He can visibly express politeness, curiosity and anticipation by just flaring up his nostrils:

And other times he shows emotions with just his cunning eyes:

Occasionally he even reminds me why he once felt connected to Ron Weasley. I mean that’s Ron if I have ever seen one:

He’s also one of those people who can’t wait to get to tell you the story and he’s just spitting around a little as he does it and it’s annoying but endearing at the same time:

Like.

Yeah. I could continue forever, I really could. I love him because of these things and thousands of others, and I have no intention of ever stopping. He inspires me, soothes my soul and pisses the hell out of me and he is also a genuine human being that exists and breathes out there somewhere and just that alone makes me happy.

I hope he is too.

Bonus: here is Kihyun released into the wild, existing in his natural habitat, in harmony with the world. I hope he can do plenty of this after he finishes his idol career. Let him go soon Starship, can’t you see him thriving there on the rocks?

None of these gifs are mine but I thought I couldn’t respond to this ask without them. Thanks to the MBBs who made them 💙💙💙💙

#kihyun #asks

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