#meanwhile everyone was doing hard drugs back in mark's day so hes been doing that shit for 100 YEARS and STILL HASNT KEELED OVER

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

the actor having a cocaine addiction since 1922 and literally doing it off of silver platters vs jack making henrik shoot him up with morphine stolen from the hospital every single night. and somehow both these guys are still alive despite this

[mirrorforevers]

heavenly nobodies (or “the fog”) • graham/reader

this is a bit heavier than usual, ladies. proceed w caution. tw for mentions of abusive relationships, drug abuse and reader has no self-esteem at all. nothing too descriptive in that sense though

on a lighter note, reader n graham are basically two lost adults acting like petty children

a quick disclaimer: its not my intention in *any way* to glorify or romanticize drug abuse or basically anything any of these characters do - its messed up shit. this is fiction, don't take it seriously, please

if this fic was a song, even though its titled after a lush song, it would be lark by angel olsen i guess. might have a sequel someday i dunno

+18, as always. contains smut. this is sososososo long and has went through so many rewrites im sorry. but i do think its my best fic yet!

set in the mid 90s

word count: 3.780

You still remember the day it began.

A nasty fight took place between Graham and Alex. You only got involved because your relationship became one of the topics of the heated debate. Long story short, Graham basically screamed at you two that you, Y/N, were wasting your life away by dating someone like James.

At first you were blind with rage and defended your decadent relationship while insulting Coxon until your throat burned from the screaming match, but afterwards, after you caught yourself thinking a little too long about how James' eyes sometimes seemed to hover over you with an indifference Coxon's never, ever showed, and how it hurt to see Alex in the arms of an entire sea of more attractive women than you - and how shallow you've become for even trying to excuse his behavior with something as empty as the fact you weren't as stereotypically beautiful as the other girls he screwed, you noticed something wasn't quite right about the entire situation, but you still felt shivers at the prospect of telling him you were sorry. He also had a lot to apologize for.

The fog. That's what's been messing with your mind lately. And Graham's. And everyone else's.

It's hard to think about things clearly as they happen in your life when all you feel during most of it is hedonistic, empty bliss. Everything moves in slow motion. The regret, the harsh words, always come afterwards, like a sudden car crash, after people realize the very real consequences of what they said and done while they were immersed in their own very temporary, elusive, pleasures. The fog also made you bitter - not only you, but Graham, Alex and the other boys as well; your relationship with them as a group of friends and individually, each in a different way, consequently turned into a toxic, resentful mess of chaotic feelings and unresolved conflicts. Your relationship with Graham was by far the most affected.

You grew up together. You went to the same college. You very briefly had a thing. He drew you lots and lots of times, you haven't lost a drawing. You realized you didn't love him like *that* and he was okay with it. You were still as close as ever.

Then you met his other friends. In the beginning, he was so excited about this whole "band" thing. The boys were funny, compelling, undoubtedly hard to deal with sometimes, but you got them quickly. Their music very gradually became successful - they deserved it. They sounded so good together. You noticed Graham was a bit jealous of how you interacted with the other boys sometimes. Damon and Dave were the first ones who tried (hard) to bed you, but Alex, effortlessly, was the one who got to.

One night turned into two, three, fifteen. Then into a fucked up prototype of a relationship around the time their stages got bigger, more packed with screaming teenagers and all of you met her – heroin. Graham got proportionally and gradually more distressed and anxious each day. You didn't know which one of these things disturbed him the most, after all, he didn't speak to you (or anyone, for fuck's sake) like he used to. Thousands of little things began to intercalate and swallow everything you've built together.

You've started to hate him - he refused to speak to you about what was bothering him, and you barely talked outside of the inevitable circumstances. Meanwhile, Alex dragged you even deeper into his questionable lifestyle and you shrinked into it until you could pretend it fit you like a glove. You felt so small. Invisible to everything and everyone who truly mattered, even to yourself. You tried to reach out to the one who mattered most plenty of times, but every time you tried to reach out to him it would end up in screams and even more resentment. It seemed like there was no way back - he hated you as well because he thought you were just like Alex. It felt like a knife was twisted in your stomach when he said it the first time. You pretended it didn't hurt the other ones - those were the nights your binges were the worst and you'd vomit yourself to sleep, though.

Everything was leading you to one of those nights again, until you heard a knock on your door. At this time of night, it was definitely Alex.

You tried to tidy yourself up as much as you could in a matter of a few minutes. You thought you weren't as effortlessly beautiful as the other women in his life - as if cheating had something to do with appearance and not with his character, but oh well - and you felt like you had to at least try to keep up with their pace. You washed your face, smeared some foundation on some old stretch (and track) marks and tried to pretend his presence was the brightest spot on your day. He disguised so much criticism under the pretense of worry, leaving you feeling so bad about yourself, but you needed his approval like you needed air on your lungs (or opioids on your veins) for some reason you couldn't quite explain.

You open the door, holding your breath while you tried to ignore the pit that grew on your stomach just to find out that...

"Graham?" You were simultaneously relieved and revolted to see him on your door. Adrenaline ran through your veins. You didn't realize how afraid you were of him - you've only hurt one another with words, but still, you were afraid to cross eyes with him just because you felt like it would start another fight and you would simply never speak to each other ever again, not even to fight. You were afraid of how deep your friendship has corroded.

He was visibly hurting, just like you. It comforted and hurt you to see it.

"You were waiting for him, weren't you?" He noted, vaguely motioning towards the lipstick on your lips. You felt pathetic.

"What are you doing here?" You quickly wiped the lipstick off your lips while he looks around, not really knowing what to answer. His eyes, puffy, somehow indicated he wasn't there to say he was sorry. At that point, you didn't even cared who was in the wrong. You just wanted to know why he was there.

"Just came here to tell you that... I'm leaving Blur, and... I'll be moving to Germany with a friend. Tomorrow."

"What kind of joke is this?"

"I wanted to tell you because... I felt like we got so used to each other's presence t-that... even if you're relieved by the news, uh, I think you should know in advance."

There was no mischief in his eyes. There was no point in joking with something like that. It's not like you were comfortable enough with each other to joke with each other nowadays anyway. That realization crushed you and anchored you to the very confusing and tragic reality just laid out in front of you.

It was so uncharacteristic. You knew of his tendency to run away from these types of situations and this time he simply didn't. Your mouth refused to close. "I-I don't understand. You... You can't... You can't just do that. You have a fucking gig tomorrow!"

"I won't justify myself to you. Just... take care of yourself and... don't let that leech suck the life out of you more than he already did."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. Is this about him? Again?" In yet another wave of adrenaline, you pulled him inside your flat and he just lets you. "Are you moving to bloody Germany because of what went on between us today?!"

"I don't care that you don't love me. I care that I can't go for a fucking day without seeing you waste away your life with him. If he was someone that made you happy... but he's just killing you. I can't deal with that."

Still in shock, you pulled him in a desperate kiss. It was not an attempt of making him stay, but something else entirely new. He had to say he was leaving so you could really know, in a matter of a few seconds, how much you needed him there.

His reciprocity simultaneously broke your heart and filled it with hope - you knew how far your relationship with Alex went and how tough it would be to break free from the chains he's got your heart tangled in, but at the same time, Coxon kissed you in a way no one else ever did. He loved you like no one else could. And that's how you noticed how easily you clinged to any sign of true affection given how much Alex's been neglecting your emotional and physical needs lately. Everything was about him all the time, it was a monologue. Graham and you had a conversation.

(A conversation that lasted all night. Thankfully, Alex didn't show up. He must've been talking to someone else.)

Instead of sweet nothings and love confessions, funnily enough, you and Graham exchanged soft "I hate you"s after the deed was done. You both hated the situation you were in. Hated that even though the passion burned hot as fire between you, you were stuck in a mess bigger than everything that just went through both of you. But never each other. You just couldn't name the feeling right.

Perhaps needless to mention, he stayed in the United Kingdom. Instead of sitting and talking like adults about what you felt about each other though, the bickering somehow became even worse.

Of course you started to take his side on fights more often. Mock Alex's behavior together more often. Something definitely changed between the two of you, but it still wasn't enough. Graham was still furious that you wouldn't give up on James. You were still furious that he wouldn't take your relationship with Alex seriously. It had its many faults, yes, but it was special in a way no one else grasped and you were raised to think that people shouldn't give up on others that easily, a convention that no modern deconstruction of social norms could take out of you out of a sudden. Not even Graham. But instead of raising your voices and breaking things around you, you've found other means to release the tension between you. Usually in dark corners of untidy pubs, his flat or yours. It became so frequent it didn't need any planning anymore.

Following the opposite path of the earlier days of your animosity, the more intense the fights got now, the lower your voices got. Instead of distancing yourselves from each other in the middle of screams, your bodies got closer like magnets. He could be so tender somehow even when his words stung like venom.

You were living and breathing contradictions. Him in the way he conveys his hopeless submissiveness to you in the way every touch of yours breaks him and the way he just isn't able to cum if he sees you're not having enough pleasure, yet he fucks you like he wants it to hurt and pretends nothing happened after you're done; and you in the way you cling to him like he's your lifeline when he's deep inside of you but isn't hesitant to not look him in the eye on some other nights.

The night of one of the parties thrown by Blur's record company following the release of The Great Escape wasn't one of the latter.

While the lower floor of the venue is frenetic with people immersed in different levels of ecstasy caused by all sorts of different substances, the upper floor is reserved to the lovers, or people who were looking for a calmer place to talk or to relatively safely de-escalate from their highs. You, on the other hand, just wanted to run away from the view of Alex kissing another woman in the event he brought you to. You were almost falling asleep in one of the tiny, dimly lit and cramped rooms when a small, familiar voice woke you up. "Why aren't you downstairs with your future husband?"

You feel aloof. The slightest mention of the one you think you love disgruntles you. "Ugh. I should have known it was you," you grumble, giving him room to share the sofa with you. "You know why."

"I don't. Someone once told me I don't understand anything." He accepts the offer almost unconsciously. It's so interesting to see how his actions contradict his words and posture, just like your actions contradict yours.

"I'm still right about that. Why did you come here? To mock me?"

"You're lost."

"And so are you. Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear it."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, calmly, knowing what the answer will be.

It's always a no.

You instinctively move closer to him, as if he's about to disappear in a cloud of dust in any moment. You don't ever want him to leave.

He notices your eyes are glistening when your lips touch, so smoothly and in such a tender way. His hands enter your hair, just below your ears, and you melt at his touch all over again.

The kiss starts out slow, then becomes more and more intense. His tongue slides against yours and you whine, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to this earth. It becomes so easy to let him settle between your thighs. He runs one of his large hands through your hair, fists it, and pulls your head so he can have easier access to your neck, filling it with open-mouthed kisses. “Why the fuck,” you manage to murmur in between heavy breaths, “do you care so much about me?”

He doesn't answer. His fingers trace the hem of your dress instead, skimming up the side of your leg. You whimper as he moves them over the sensitive skin to the apex of your thighs, his lips finding the side of your throat again. He sucks a mark into your skin just as his thumb caress your core so lightly above your underwear and you whisper, voice trembling with desire: "You're so much better than him."

He's not sure if you're just leading him on, and neither are you. He doesn't even know if he has heard it right. The fog really blurs every line. Reason, feelings, motives. "You never cried over me", he answers, seeking to turn that reality around, it seemed. Your hips buck into his touch, and a moan escapes you when his hand coyly seeks direct contact with your clit, stimulating it with precision from the start. "You truly... don't know shit," you gasp, grinding harder against his touch and losing yourself to his ministrations, the fog of an earlier hit helping in enveloping you in a state of so much bliss.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" His raspy voice takes you out of this world. You nod, a little disappointed by having such a great feeling interrupted for the sake of privacy. Your lips were spit-slick and pinkened, your eyes half lidded. The sight made Graham breathe hard through his nose, but he somehow kept his composure. When he goes to lock the door, you couldn't help noticing the tent you helped build in his jeans. You feel proud of yourself.

He returns with the hungry kisses and eager touches, slowly driving you crazy all over again. His kisses lower down, down... and you pat his shoulders, motioning for him to stop. "I want to make you feel good tonight." He accepts the offer.

You scooch downwards, just above his hips, and you pull his pants and the waistband to his briefs down in one swift motion. He's painfully hard, but that was hardly a surprise. Graham straightens his back just in time to watch you take the reddened head of his cock into your mouth. He claps a hand over his mouth, hips bucking upwards into the wet heat instinctively, your warm breath enveloping his dick and clouding his mind.

Wrapping your fingers around it, you gently jerk him off, slowly sliding your hand from the tip back to the base. He groans, watching you as you fill his senses with a dull warmth. You stare back at him, smiling as he groans at your warm breath.

You run the tip of your index finger tentatively along the underside of his cock, watching with fascination as his cock twitches and reacts to your presence. You lean forward, breathing on the head before planting a soft kiss on the tip. Coxon whimpers, his dick aching from your attention. Tired of the teasing, you begin stroking it, your soft fingers loosely bouncing along his shaft. He leans his head back to the ceiling when you kiss the tip again.

You eye his cock excitedly, before you lean forward and lick his head, swirling your tongue around the crown and flicking it across the tip. His hips thrust forward before you can even react, his mind reeling as your tongue slowly traces along a vein you followed from the head all the way to the base. He groans, and was about to say something when his mind went blank. He sees pure white, his brain shutting down almost completely as you wrap your mouth around the end of his cock and set a steady rhythm to the oral stimulation. His chest rumbles as a deep growl of satisfaction leaves him, shaking through the air, the vibrations in your mouth punctuating his growl with a hiss.

He cracks his eyes open, his glazed eyes staring down to find you staring directly at him. The sight of his rigid cock vanishing between your soft lips made his skin crawl. He groans heavily, grasping your head on instinct and thrusting forward.

You gasp lightly as he shoves himself deeper inside your mouth, pushing against your throat. He moans your name desperately, panting heavily as his hips automatically thrust against you. You stand firm, keeping only the front half of his cock in your mouth, slithering your tongue against the crown and watching intently for his reactions. He was close, his mind firmly on fire as his body reacted on autopilot, trying to extract as much pleasure as possible. He could feel his climax approaching, your soft lips and gentle eyes coaxing him on. You look into his eyes and give an experimental bob of your head, taking him further into your mouth. Feeling the characteristic salty taste of precum on your tongue, you take your mouth off his cock, and before his mind is able to form a cohesive sentence of protest, you take off your underwear and sit on his lap. His hands now squeeze your hip, pulling you closer. Your wetness leaves a bit of a trail on his legs before you sink on his hard, already lubricated cock.

"You're addicted to my cock, aren't you," It's fascinating how Graham's behavior changes when he's drunk. In the best and worst ways. He would never say something like that while sober. You nod in agreement, face flush with arousal and need. "He can't even fuck you," he punctuactes with an especially hard thrust, "like I can." he envelops you in a sort of hug as his broad shoulders and arms now dictate the rhythm you both follow.

"He--c-an't, fuck--"

"Do you think," he takes his entire cock out of you just so he can go even deeper when he says, "he'll hear us... if you say my name out loud?" he smiles when a loud moan escapes your lips, feeling completely in control of your body. You can't even talk anymore, just nod, like a marionette.

"So say it." Another thrust. And another. And another. You follow his pace with your hips religiously, not even slightly ashamed of making the name of the one who's giving you so much pleasure public, as he commanded. You take the last atom of control on your body and direct it to your pussy, clenching your walls tighter around him, an action that successfully tears his thoughts apart, making his eyebrows furrow and his mouth, agape. One of his hands move to the middle of your bodies and, as he looks down at where your bodies meet, begins to stimulate your clit to the rhythm of his thrusts. His groans turn louder when your body moves towards his again, and the sound of your moans, along with the sound of skin against skin and your ragged breaths were the only thing you were able to hear, along with the distant sound of It Could Be You playing in the background.

In a daze, he says your name in that unique way that only he knew how to - like it was part of a prayer and your body was his God(dess). You dig your nails into his back while he fucks you without a trace of mercy. You close your eyes, losing yourself in all those sensations as Graham continued his movements. When he punctuates his now even faster thrusts with a string of "fuck, fuck, fuck" - that's when you know he's close, a suspicion confirmed true as he comes hard inside of you, closing his eyes tightly as he reached his climax. You follow him seconds later.

When he recovers enough to be able to breathe calmly and control his heartbeat, Graham rests his chin on your shoulder. Neither of you say anything for a long time.

And when the spasms of pleasure are gone, Graham's brain decides to go back to work and he realizes what had just happened - again. Suddenly, the sensation of bliss is accompanied by that weird sensation of "What do I do now?". He carefully removes his dick from you and pulls his jeans up, zipping up his pants while you straighten your dress and search for your panties in the middle of the dark. Both without saying a single word.

Graham clears his throat, glancing at the mirror behind the door and seeing his state was deplorable. His face reddened by the heat and his hair a perfect mess. You were in no better situation than him.

“Uh,” Graham said a long time later, breaking the silence. “How long is that arrangement supposed to last?”

"I won't count the time." You responded calmly. 

He nods, mystified by you. 

[bbangsoonie]

one more minute

member: sangyeon genre: angst word count: 2,487 synopsis: survival of the fittest is the reigning rule of nature. so when a zombie apocalypse breaks out, you don’t have much hope but sangyeon is set on keeping you safe. warning(s): death

When the apocalypse first broke out, you lost all hope and will. With your physical condition, you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long. And quite frankly, you didn’t want to.

Your chances of survival were low. Your asthma and lack of athleticism didn’t give you a good hand. And on top of that, you weren’t sure if you wanted to survive if it meant being unable to live.

What were you fighting so hard for? To merely stay alive in the midst of chaos?

But Sangyeon refused to let you give up. He claimed responsibility for your life and pushed you to fight. You two banded together with a group of other survivors. And for a while, you created a system that worked. The thirteen of you managed well by relying on each other.

Until you lost Hyunjoon.

Then the group was shaken to the core. Fear kept you all locked up in an abandoned warehouse. And inevitably, food and supplies began to run low. Including necessary medical supplies.

You always felt bad about having to risk everyone’s lives to raid hospitals. You knew that your existence was more of a burden than of help. You couldn’t contribute much but required a lot of things. Honestly, you were tired of it as well. But you were too ashamed to tell that to Sangyeon, who had given his very best into keeping you alive.

After another asthma attack, you were laying on a makeshift bed with your hand tightly wrapped around the last inhaler. And as always, Sangyeon remained by your side.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun, Juyeon, and Kevin had returned empty handed. Their search for food had been futile and only ended up with Kevin sustaining an injury. You watched as Jacob tended to his wounds and Changmin rationed the remaining cans of food.

“This world has gone to hell,” your breath rasped in your throat.

“Hey, it’s not completely unbearable. We still have each other,” Sangyeon forced a smile.

You and Sangyeon had grown up as childhood friends. Of course, you were no longer just friends anymore. Yet, you also weren’t anything more. You couldn’t afford the luxury of dating in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. You were too busy meeting basic needs to pursue a romantic relationship.

The love between you two remained unspoken but you both knew each other’s feelings. It was why you continued to live in such a shitty world. Sangyeon was quite literally the reason you were alive. Without him, you would have died long ago.

But you had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to last much longer. At least, not without obtaining more inhalers.

“How are you holding up, Y/n?” Haknyeon asked.

You weakly offered a thumbs up in response. He understood the true meaning behind your answer.

Chanhee was discussing logistics with Younghoon, who was quietly nodding his head as he listened. Seeing Sunwoo and Eric having a serious conversation brought you a sense of pity. Hyunjoon’s death had stripped them of the last sliver of joy that they had left.

Sangyeon, who had been observing your features, brushed a stray strand of hair away from your face. At his touch, your attention returned to him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you more medicine,” he reassured.

“I want to go alone this time,” you hesitantly stated.

His expression immediately hardened as he quickly rejected your idea. Not wanting to hear more, he stood up to leave but you caught a hold of his wrist.

“I can’t keep placing you guys in danger for me. It’s time I pull my own weight,” you insisted.

“Then I’ll go with you,” he said.

You knew he wouldn’t back down. So with a sigh, you meekly nodded.

When Sangyeon brought up the proposal to the group, Jacob instantly shook his head. He asserted that it was way too risky. The group had always traveled outside in trios, minimum.

But you held your ground, even after Jaehyun offered to go as well. Unable to win over your stubbornness, the group reluctantly agreed to let you and Sangyeon go by yourselves.

When the morning came, you awoke to Chanhee packing you a backpack full of emergency tools. He had tried to stay aloof during his time with the group but you could tell that he had grown fond of everyone. He didn’t show it but Hyunjoon’s death had impacted him a lot.

“You have to return. No matter what. You must come back unharmed,” he demanded as he handed you the bag.

You surprised him with a hug. It took him a second to register what was going on before he slowly patted your back.

“Thanks for everything, Chanhee,” you smiled.

“Don’t say that. It sounds like a good-bye,” he frowned. “You can thank me later.”

Chuckling, you nodded as you slung the bag around your shoulders. You said your farewells to the rest of the members, promising to come back by the evening. Eric, as always, teared up watching people walk past the doors of safety.

You and Sangyeon stepped into the pending hands of doom, unaware that it would be the last time walking down these flight of stairs for one of you.

Sangyeon’s hand tightly held yours as you two navigated your way to the hospital. Luckily, the trip there was rather uneventful. The streets of Seoul were eerily quiet. You could barely remember what the booming city used to look like.

Once you got to the hospital, you snuck past roaming zombies in the hallways to quietly reach the supply room. Carefully closing and locking the door behind you, you let out a sigh of relief.

You began to grab bottles of whatever medicine there was and stuffed them into your backpack while Sangyeon searched for inhalers. Unfortunately, there were only a couple left in stock. A wave of disappointment and stress washed over him.

Peeking at his troubled expression, you tried to show him the bright side. You now had a bunch of disinfectants and pain killers.

At that moment, a crash was heard outside. You clung onto Sangyeon’s shirt and your eyes widened in shock. He held a finger up to his lips, signaling for you to stay silent as he tried to hear what was going on beyond the door.

“Bomin!” a female voice shrieked before another crash was heard.

Then you heard it. The crowd of growling zombies rushing towards whoever was outside. Your heart pounded fiercely against your chest as they struggled to fight off the monsters. And then broke when human voices were no longer heard.

When you and Sangyeon didn’t arrive by nightfall, Sunwoo couldn’t help but assume the worst.

“You don’t think something went wrong, do you?” he nervously bit his lip in concern.

“No. There must have been a slight delay. They’ll be back tomorrow,” Younghoon gulped. His words were more to convince himself rather than Sunwoo.

“Let’s trust them and wait,” Juyeon said, comforting Eric.

Meanwhile, you were stuck inside the supply room. Leaving was no longer a feasible option with the hoard of zombies outside the door. So you spent the night there, sleeping next to Sangyeon to stay warm.

When you woke up, you knew that you couldn’t hide forever. If you didn’t die outside, you would die of starvation inside.

After coming up with a strategy, you and Sangyeon prepared to escape. You waited until most of the groaning sounds faded further away to slowly open the door and check your surroundings. To your relief, there were only a few of the creatures nearby.

Sangyeon’s heart sank at the sight of blood on the floor. It hadn’t been there the day before.

Quietly, the two of you crept towards the emergency staircase. As you went down a few floors, you relaxed, thinking that you were now safe.

It turned out that it was too early to let your guard down.

Right before you got to the basement parking lot, you heard a familiar noise that sent chills down your spine. You didn’t have time to warn Sangyeon before a zombie jumped on him. He fought with all his strength but the surprise attack had caught him off guard. He was struggling to stop it from tearing him apart.

Without thinking, you flung forward to shove it off of him. The action prompted the zombie to focus on you instead. You yelped as you were thrown to the ground and panicked as you tried to avoid its aggressive mouth.

In unlucky timing, you felt a sharp pain in your lungs.

“Oh no,” you thought. You couldn’t be having another asthma attack. Not now. Not when you were already on the brink of death.

That brief moment of weakness was enough for the zombie to gain an advantage. You screamed in pain when you felt another sharp pain. This time, it was on your arm.

Sangyeon barely managed to kill the zombie by bashing its head into the wall. Your hands shook as you desperately rummaged through your bag to find an inhaler. By the time you sprayed the drug, Sangyeon rushed to your side.

In a hurry, you tugged your sleeves to cover the bite mark. He helped you sit up as he made sure you were okay.

“Y/n, are you crazy? What were you thinking?” he yelled.

“You’re safe. That’s all that matters,” you weakly smiled. You tried your best to act fine but your mind was occupied with the pain from your arm.

You leaned on him as you entered the empty parking lot. Finding refuge in an unlocked car, Sangyeon urged you to rest for a few hours before making your way back home.

Home. What a funny word.

In the span of a year, a rundown warehouse had turned into your home. And before you knew it, a group of strangers had become your new family.

Your head was already starting to blur. Flashes of memories flooded your thoughts.

Sangyeon, your best friend. Your could’ve-been, should’ve-been, would’ve-been lover. You still vividly remembered the day he pounded on your door after the mayhem first broke out. Since then, he had been your survival partner. Even throughout all the turmoil, he always brought you a small gift from every outing. In the spring, it was a flower. In the fall, it was a cookie he managed to find.

Jacob, the angel. He was a breath of fresh air in a society where people’s hearts had turned stone cold. He had been the one to gather the survivors together.

Younghoon, the quiet one who took care of people behind the scenes. Like Chanhee, he seemed distant at first. But he was just shy and clumsy at expressing himself.

Jaehyun, the fighter. He was the first to volunteer for any task. He always burdened himself with the responsibility of keeping everyone out of harm’s way.

Juyeon, the one everyone relied on emotionally. He could sense when you were down and brought it upon himself to cheer you up.

Kevin, the selfless one. He prioritized others’ needs before his own. He had trained extra hard to become one of the strongest members.

Chanhee, the secretly soft-hearted one. Your last memory of him handing you the backpack brought a small smile to your lips.

Changmin, the level-headed one who turned into an innocent child when hanging out with the younger members.

Haknyeon, the goofy one who had matured way too early. Despite his young age, he was skilled and dependable.

Sunwoo, the one whose heart was too pure for this world. You hated to see the light in his eyes slowly fade throughout the months.

Eric, the moodmaker who received so much love from everyone. He truly cared for each and every member and never lost touch with his humanity.

And lastly, Hyunjoon. The one who had departed from the world too soon. He had so many unfulfilled dreams and you missed his bright smile.

By the time you regained consciousness, Sangyeon had fallen asleep next to you. You shakily took a breath as you examined the wound on your arm. You knew you didn’t have much time left.

You glanced over at his sleeping face. He seemed at peace. Wanting this to be your last memory, you spent some time watching his chest slowly rise and fall in rhythm. You endured the growing pain as you prayed for just one more minute with him. Just one more second.

Eventually, it became too hard to hold back the groans that fought to escape your throat. You dug into your bag to find the gun meant to be used as a last option. Your grip on the weapon tightened as you trudged away from the car.

Before you got too far, however, Sangyeon stirred from the sounds. Alarmed by your sudden disappearance, he quickly exited the vehicle to see you with a firearm.

“Y/n,” his voice held so much fear. You didn’t have the confidence to face him.

“It’s too late,” you choked.

It was only then that he finally noticed the blood dripping from your arm. He felt his world crumble down as you started to convulse.

“It’s okay,” he said as he approached you. “I’ll still take care of you. I’ll make sure that no one hurts you and that you won’t hurt anyone either.”

“I don’t want to become one of them. You know I’d rather die than become something that’s stuck between life and death. Something that threatens your life,” you cried.

“But I can’t let you die!” he yelled.

“It’s time to let me go, Sangyeon,” you begged as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“Y/n, look at me. Please,” he pleaded.

You didn’t want him to see you like this. But you didn’t have a choice when he tugged at your sleeve to make you turn around. Your skin was already beginning to discolor and he knew what was coming.

Full of desperation, he pulled you in for a hug. One arm clung onto your torso as the other embraced your head. He sobbed into your neck, making you weep as well.

“I lived a lot longer than I should have,” you assured.

“24 years is not long at all,” his voice cracked.

Wanting to spare him from having to shoot you himself, you slowly detached yourself from him. You had to do it yourself soon.

“Take the bag and go back to the others,” you sadly smiled.

“I can’t leave without you,” he cried. But he knew he had to.

You told him to close his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see your end. With your vision clouding more and more, you stumbled away from him and hid behind a van. You fell to the ground and your hands trembled as they brought the gun to your head.

“I love you, Lee Sangyeon,” you whispered before pulling the trigger.

a/n: heavily inspired by the character park yoori from sweet home and golden child’s “burn it” music video

[moribundanchor]

The Pelle/Dani Receipts, Post Ten: Plots

After the Ättestupa, stuff moves very, very quickly. Team Hårga ASSEMBLE. Dani has been broken down both by witnessing a gruesome senicide and being forced to look into Pelle’s earnest blue eyes and confront that not only does Christian not love her, but maybe, just maaaaaaybe, she might could love somebody else. Christian is being broken down both by contending with Josh for his mcguffin thesis and being seduced by a cute underage redhead (SO GROSS CHRISTIAN YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED). Plus Simon and Connie, by virtue of completely flipping out and demanding to leave after the Ättestupa, have unwittingly nominated themselves to be off(er)ed first. Once newbloods start disappearing, they disappear at a pretty rapid clip.

Simon and Connie’s disappearances, and Christian’s shrugging indifference to both, trigger Dani big time, as she confronts both how self-absorbed Christian is and how little credit he gives Dani's thoughts. At lunch, after an upset Connie vanishes, Dani is, as usual, seated between Christian and Pelle. As the scene opens, Dani’s back is to Christian and we can’t even see her face because she is looking into Pelle’s smiling eyes. For several seconds. They’re not talking. Just...looking. Like you do. With your buddy what was holding you on your bed and telling you how you deserved better than Christian. And this is the first time we see them since Ari’s impish smash cut from Dani hesitating on the verge of something to Dan’s crushed head.

Dani does eventually ask after Connie, prompting Jarl to give her the super believable official story that she was driven to the train station. Sure, Jarl. And Dani is still having a hard time buying that Simon would just leave without Connie. Especially in the Director’s Cut, we see how Dani notices how devoted they are to each other. But Christian is dismissive, and Dani goes cold. “I could see you possibly doing that,” she says. YASSSS QUEEN. She’s looking straight ahead, jaw set and eyes flinty, as Christian asks her, “What that’s supposed to mean?” She doesn’t answer and Christian should be grateful because the energy is very FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. As it is, we just see Pelle notice and quickly look away, hiding a spreading smile that is practically another hit of the sunshine motif. Meanwhile, Mark is lured away by Inga, a different kind of fool for love.

Simon, Connie, and Mark down; who’s next? Josh! Thesis Goggles strapped on tight, Josh sneaks into the temple to take pictures of the Rubi Radr and is summarily dispatched by an unknown Hårgan male. (2000 quatloos on Ingemar.) We do get a little gratuitous Pelle shirt changing the next morning (which Dani notices and quickly looks away from), and that’s important, but not as a hint that Pelle killed Josh. To begin with, there’s a bunch of reasons Pelle is unlikely to have killed Josh, not least of which our theory about why he isn’t sacrificed at the end: a) We see Pelle in bed when Josh sneaks out, b) even assuming there’s a secret door, Pelle really would have had to book it to get in there behind Josh and we see Josh make it to the temple without any indication of being followed, and c) assuming Pelle was involved in murdering or butchering Josh, we think he probably would have brought a spare shirt. Come on. He did the cake thing.

Pelle changing his shirt is not just eye candy/misdirection though. It’s actually a clever direction from Ari. If you notice, from this point until the Fire Temple ceremony, Pelle is wearing a different shirt with a different rune, Wunjo in black thread, NOT Fehu in blue. We will get more into this in Post Twelve, but Wunjo (”joy”) is an incredibly positive rune that represents everything we know Dani craves: joy, perfection, harmony, overcoming alienation, kinship and family. It literally describes positive, healthy wishes coming true. Pelle wearing this rune on the day Dani wins the dance competition and he kisses her is incredibly significant and indicates not just his intentions, but it shades the meanings of Dani’s runes as well. He is practically wearing a nametag that says, Hi, my name is Dani’s True Love.

At breakfast, Christian is icy about Josh, butthurt that Josh isn’t letting him steal his thesis with good humor, and Elder Sten announces the Rubi Radr is missing. Pelle, as usual, sneaks a look at Dani, presumably to see whether she’s buying it. The real Pelle/Dani content comes afterward, when Sten and Arne question them about Josh and Mark’s whereabouts and make insinuations about the missing Rubi Radr. (Everyone just step back and consider for a second this is all really for Dani’s benefit. While Christian's [sort of] consent clearly is important, they could have drugged him and gotten what they wanted from him at any point here. Dani is the one they want for keeps, and all these elaborate ruses only further isolate Dani from Christian and cushion her absorption into the family.) Everybody just...sort of assumes Mark is snuggling Inga still, I guess, but Christian cannot sell out Josh fast enough, and Dani and Pelle both look at him with undisguised revulsion. Meanwhile, Pelle does take responsibility for his missing friends and the missing holy text, and thus Odd magically appears (Pelle might be fidgeting his fingers or he might be affekting a secret message to Arne during this scene, too) and he’s given leave to go...look for them. [shifty eyes] 

It’s much like the birthday plot. Pelle gives Christian an opportunity to basically be himself, which makes Pelle doing the right thing, even something as simple and baseline human as not immediately forsaking your friend, a total repudiation.

Speaking of Christian being himself, while we don't believe Pelle killed anyone, he's laser focused on helping Christian get himself sacrificed. He takes every chance to stoke Christian’s most selfish impulses from his very first line, and more than that, he really seems to enjoy Christian’s fall. Again, Ari Aster doesn’t make many things in this film simple and plain, but Pelle’s delight in Christian’s corruption is one of those things. We already talked about the smirking in the Director’s Cut version of the car scene and the birthday setup, but once the plots start spinning, we get so much more. 

First, Pelle encourages Christian to think of Maja sexually by teasing him about her “taking a liking” to him and informing him she is of the age of consent. His affect is so permissive and tempting, as though Dani doesn't exist and Pelle is only being his wingman, and when Christian replies "Good for her" a little too grumpily, we know Pelle's aim was true. Pelle visibly savors Christian’s predicament. And he's aware of every bit of the spellcasting on Maja's end. When Christian eats and drinks the pie and beverage with (ahem) a little love story added by Maja, Pelle restrains a smile and a laugh. (This is the same lunch scene where Dani snipes at Christian, so he must have been high-fiving Ingemar behind the chicken coop afterward.) Later, Pelle smirks and watches from the corner of his eye as Ulla tempts Christian with special tea during the dance competition. This scene is particularly loaded in the Director's Cut, where Siv has made it explicit to Christian that Pelle showed Maja his picture prior to their arrival in Hårga. Yet when Christian takes a seat next to Pelle, he says nothing, knowing everything, and neither does Pelle. The masks are all but off. Christian knows what he’s going to do, and he’s ashamed; Pelle knows what Christian is going to do, and he’s triumphant.

And most sexily damningly, when Christian succumbs to a nice puff of paralysis powder courtesy of Father Odd, we see (and Christian sees) Pelle peep in through the chicken coop door. In the script, Pelle is described as looking away in shame, but that’s definitely not the Pelle we have on film. Film Pelle is HERE FOR IT. Film Pelle is gloating. And we think he really wants Christian to know it was him in the end, not out in front, but behind the scenes. While one could look at all of this as a refutation of Vilhelm Blomgren’s emphasis in interviews that Pelle is full of love or proof positive that Pelle is actually a (gasp) villain, consider that, flashes of annoyance at Mark aside, he doesn’t show that kind of animosity toward the others. Mark is willfully ignorant and gross; Josh is disrespectful in the sense that he wants to mine Hårga for his own gratification and ambition. But Christian is the only one he clearly delights in destroying, and that destruction is consonant with his love. Because of Dani. Soft, love-filled Hårgan boy loves Dani enough to hate someone for her sake, and that is a fucked-up wish fulfillment fantasy, make no mistake, but...it is still a very valid and common and powerful wish-fulfillment fantasy. That chicken coop smirk is, at its core, just as much an act of love as the birthday sketch. Dani is one of his family. He will lure his friends to their deaths for all of them, but he will scheme Christian to death just for her.

What? Just because it’s unhealthy doesn’t make it less true.

For more, click on The Pelle/Dani Receipts Masterpost

[springday-aus]

Enemies to Lovers!AU with Xiaojun

—

Group: NCT [+ WayV]

Member: Xiaojun / Xiao Dejun

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 2.4k

so, you’re Xiaojun’s enemy (he thinks of it more of his number one attacker tho)

it wasn’t hard considering he’s always on fight or flight mode and considering his friend group….

fight mode is always activated

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

so it started when you became friends with Ten

the guy is so sociable, so you were bound to meet him and his other friends someday

but jesus christ, there were soooo many of them

it was a party; he threw a literal party of just him and his friends

and then there were others who turned it into a rave (i.e. Hendery, Yangyang, Chenle and Donghyuk)

anyways, you got to mingle and make so many new friends

it was going really well

until Xiaojun entered the picture

things went well with him too, until you made a joke that didn’t exactly land with him

but it landed well with the others

Lucas: “who in their right mind would like mint chocolate”

Xiaojun: “but I like mint chocolate”

You: “then you’re not in your right mind lmao”

YangYang: “I mean, is Xiaojun ever in his right mind tho”

everyone laughs

except for one person

Xiaojun stood up, staring you down for a hot second, before trying to argue back

in which YangYang was the main responder

you didn’t really think much of it, laughing away with the others

but, to him, you just declared war that day

it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did

but it did

so, from then on, things just got rockier

bc he started picking fights with you over the littlest things or he would argue with your points no matter what

you didn’t really think much of it bc he was also being picked on everyone else and you were like

every man for themselves huh

it wasn’t until he personally attacked you

it happened on Halloween

and he made an underhanded comment about how he’d look better in anything compared to you

so you made a “friendly” bet

but then you lost

bc Xiaojun looked better in the Jasmine costume than you and he def knew it too

and when he smirked at you

the grudge had been built

that’s probably when the mutual enemy status circulated around your friends

although, if they’re being honest, it’s so entertaining

especially since most of them like to gang up on Xiaojun too

and because of that unity, it’s only made things worse

from what the others can tell

you two don’t hate each other, but you def don’t get along

it ranges to food (e.g. mint chocolate chip incident that NO ONE lets go)

Lucas: “mint choco ain’t shit”

You: “retweet”

Xiaojun: “the attacks”

YangYang: “we cannot trust a man who eats bread with fucking lao gan ma”

You: “you eat what with bread?”

Xiaojun: “shut up. all of you.”

to activities

cue you two fighting about what movie to watch

Xiaojun: “Titanic is a classic!!!”

You: “it’s a joke, there was rOOM ON THE FUCKING DOOR”

Xiaojun: “IT’S ROMANTIC. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO SHE CAN LIVE.”

You: “THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC. THAT’S SUICIDAL, DUMBASS.”

this feud is def bc you’re both petty as fuck

the bickering is nonstop

but, if the nct boys are being honest

they’re lowkey confused bc Xiaojun is supposed to have a really high emotional tolerance

he doesn’t even yell this much at YangYang or Ten

(excluding that one time he hit YangYang with that pillow very hard)

but he does blow off his top when it comes to you

which is sus to a lot of the boys

whenever someone does ask him tho

he just kind of……………

mumbles underneath his breath and then moves onto something else

meanwhile, Yuta: “isn’t he always like that?”

Kun: “who wants to tell him”

lmao, I’m kidding

kind of

anyways, you two are really just going at it

what changes?

you have to go to the dentist and get your molars removed

which means someone has to take you and go pick you up

obviously, Ten was going to do that, considering you two were the closest

so he dropped you off and you had your surgery

so what happened?

welp, your buddy Ten forgot he had a prior engagement and, hence, was unable to pick you up

cue him spamming the groupchat

and Lucas exposing Xiaojun

Lucas: Xiaojun isn’t doing anything Xiaojun: you don’t know that Lucas: I do tho, go pick up (Y/N) Ten: I’ll buy you anything from that green tea cafe you like for a week Xiaojun: deal.

so he came to pick you up, both willingly and unwillingly

and you……. you were more than a hot mess 

you were just a mess 

you basically were just blacked out that entire time after they gave you the laughing gas and completed the surgery

so you remembered absolutely nothing.

your roommate: “this is what you get for doing drugs”

You: “IT WAS PURELY FOR MEDICINAL USE”

You: “IT’S NOT LIKE I DID CRACK”

either way, your roommate let you know of the situation, taking note of how your enemy had to take you home

which

again

no recollection

your roommate: “he’s fucking hot tho”

You: “ugh, I know”

but that’s also when you decided

Ten is a dead man :)

Ten: “I’M SORRY”

You: “YOU BETTER FUCKING BE”

Ten: “I KNOW”

Ten: “............................................but………………………………….”

Ten: “maybeyoushouldalsothankhimfortakingcareofyou”

You: “sorry not sorry, I’m contemplating murder rn”

Hendery: “what do you call a murder against a friend?”

Kun: “don’t”

Ten:

You:

Hendery: “it’s a homie-cide”

You and Ten: “NOT NOW”

anyways

you knew he was right

so after you calmed down, you went to Xiaojun’s place (thanks to Ten), with some sweets to thank him

Lucas opened the door, let you in, and left to go to the gym with Sicheng

Xiaojun came out of his room, a couple of minutes after, disheveled from his nap

and when he saw you in his living room couch, his eyes widened, darting around to avoid looking at you

You: “hi”

Xiaojun: “hello”

You: “why do you look so scared? I’m not gonna jump you”

he stays quiet, the blush becoming more apparent on his cheeks

You: “Ten told me you took me home after my surgery, so…………………… thanks”

Xiaojun: “he bribed me with pastries”

You: yeah, sounds about right

You: “still”

You: “um, I didn’t know what you would like, so I brought some sweets you can just go through”

Xiaojun: “thanks”

it’s silent for another moment and you consider bolting out from the apartment, Wizards of Waverly Place, Harper-style: “see ya in p.e.!” kind of a thing

but he speaks up once more

Xiaojun: “are you feeling okay now?”

You: “uh, yeah, my jaw still kind of hurts”

You: “but I have meds they prescribed to me for the next month or so”

he decides to stop beating the bush: 

Xiaojun: “so do you remember what happened yesterday?”

You: “to be completely honest, no”

Xiaojun: “you… did a lot of things”

You: “what do you mean I did a lot of things”

Xiaojun: “you also said a lot of things too”

You: “..... are these things recorded?”

Xiaojun: “maybe”

Xiaojun: “some”

You: “dELETET HEM”

you actually considered tackling him, but deemed as too Yang-Yang-like

You: “what did I say”

Xiaojun: “I didn’t realize you thought I was handsome”

You: “wait what?”

Xiaojun: “you said, you had a crush on my ‘fine ass’”

You: “you know what? I think I’m gonna pull a Jack and commit suicide, goodbye”

Xiaojun: “ah, ah, ah, you said like, which is… present tense”

You: “semantics”

Xiaojun: “but did you like me at some point?”

You: “does it matter?”

Xiaojun: “yeah, it kind of does”

Xiaojun: “bc even tho we bicker, it’s, like, our thing”

Xiaojun: “plus, you’re kind of cute when you’re threatening to rip off my eyebrows”

You: “I did what?”

Xiaojun: “it’s no different from how you treat me now”

You: “I thought it’s because you don’t like me”

he just kind of shrugs, rubbing his neck rather sheepishly

Xiaojun: “you’ve seen my friends; arguing is our way of showing our affections”

You: “so, you’re saying this is your way of telling me you like me?”

Xiaojun: “I mean………“

Xiaojun: “are you saying you like me?”

You: “are you saying you like me?” 

*cue another argument about who likes who*

eventually, he found a way to shut you up

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cut to Lucas and Sicheng coming back from the gym to you and Xiaojun making out on the couch

Lucas: “NASTY”

Sicheng: “what did we…. miss?”

Ten somewhere: I fucking called it.

anyways

you both decided to date that day

and you two still bicker an insane amount, which includes you nitpicking Xiaojun’s tastes to Xiaojun refusing to delete those videos of you under the laughing gas despite your threats

but, the only difference is, your arguments can end with a kiss

and it always freaks out the guys whenever you do

Donghyuk: “I’m too young to be seeing this monstrosity”

Mark: “ngl, this is nice for them—they’ve stopped arguing”

YangYang: “I weirdly prefer them arguing over them with those sappy eyes tho”

You: “we can hear you”

Chenle: “but when have we ever cared?”

You: “I’m gonna beat your ‘01 liner ass istg—”

Xiaojun: “calm”

oh, you know what’s fun about your relationship?

you two can’t agree on some stuff right?

so whenever you have to decide something, say a movie or dinner, you two just heads-or-tails it

(there’s also this cute app where you put your options on a wheel and let that decide—the amount of times you’ve used that on your dates…… anyways)

most of the time, on these dates, you seem more like an old married couple and it’s super cute

it’s bc you’re already used to your worse sides coming out—the really petty ones, the screaming ones, the ugly ones

ofc these aren’t from serious arguments that occur

(remember folks, it isn’t healthy for you and your partner to always be fighting)

but when serious arguments do occur, you both take time to sit down and talk face-to-face

it’s hard to get into actual arguments with him, especially since he really is understanding and tries to pay attention to the smaller details

Xiaojun: “I like learning more about you”

You: “you can’t just say that kind of shit to me”

like, yeah, he’ll debate with you all night about why he needs to read the words of his book out loud but, by the end of the day, you’ll lay your head in his lap and listen to his voice as you fall asleep

speaking of which, you love listening to him sing to you

he gets a bit embarrassed sometimes about it, but seeing you smile so brightly at him makes him forget about it

because even tho you two bicker about little things, in the end, it just makes you two laugh at one another and how ridiculous you’re being

I almost forgot, so Ten thinks of him pairing you two off right?

so, whenever he does something annoying to either of you, he’ll constantly bring it up

Ten: “I guess this is how you two treat me, your personal cupid—”

Xiaojun: “yes, yes, we are grateful for you”

You: “but it would be nice if you would stop making those annoying sounds”

Ten: “what annoying sounds?”

YangYang: “that’s just you talking”

okay, no, but yeah—the nct boys are glad this rivalry is over because it was really just…. stupid to the core

but also bc you two look super sweet together and seeing you two making each other happy rather than annoyed is adorable

but just bc you two got together doesn’t mean the pettiness isn’t still there

You: “what type of freak sleeps with their eyes opened?”

Xiaojun: “I’m sleeping next to you, of course I need to keep both eyes open”

You: “RUDE”

Xiaojun: “and yet here we are”

You: “son of a bitch”

Xiaojun: “YOUR son of a bitch”

You: “eh, I’ll take it” 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

a very merry sebmas - day 3

pairing: destroyer!chris x reader

a/n: day 3, this time with chris from destroyer. hope you guys like it xx

holiday divider by @firefly-graphics​

there it was for the first time in eight months, the black citroen beaten outside the diner and he didn’t know if to feel happy or scared.

slapping some crumpled up dollars against the table, he exited the diner, walking straight inside the car where one of his handlers was waiting, feet up on the console of the car

he wanted to yell at his handler, yell at them for lying, for not allowing him any sort of communication with his wife who had just given birth the moment he left. he wanted to lash out at them, quit the undercover assignment and just return home but that would only make things worse.

“excited to speak with the mrs?” “just give me the goddamn phone”

eight months. that’s how long it took for them to allow him to call his Y/N.

it killed him not to see her, not to see his baby daughter, but he was smart enough to know if he tried he’d only be putting them in danger.

as the phone rang he started to think about what to say, what should he say? hey sorry for leaving an hour after you gave birth to our daughter? that is if she even answered 

“hello?” from the other line came the most melodic, beautiful sound in the world “sweetheart? it’s chris, please don’t hang up” “oh my ... chris are you okay? erin hasn’t told me anything and no one will tell me anything. i even tried the burea ...” “yes, sweetheart i’m alright. god, how are you? they’ve only let me talk to you now” “yeah i’m okay. my mother has been coming by quite a lot to help out with diana” “how is she? is she still as beautiful as i remember?”

chris could’ve stayed forever on the phone on her, listening to the love of his love tell him about how his baby girl was doing but his handler had different plans, warning him about the time he had left

“hey sweetheart, i have to go” “when can you call again?” “i don’t know, sweetheart” “do you know if you can make it for christmas?” 

chris sighed, feeling his heart break at the hopeful tone of her voice. he knew the answer, it was a clear no. not only had he missed bringing his daughter home for the first time but now he was also missing her very first christmas

“i don’t think so. i’m sorry, sweetheart” “it’s okay, chris, it’s your job” “i’ll make it up to you, i promise” “just come back home safely please” “i will” “me and baby diana will be waiting for you, chris.” “i love you, sweetheart” “i love you too, chris. stay safe” 

he turned off the burner phone handing it over to his handler who shoved it in his pocket “is there no way i can make it to see my wife on christmas? just for a few hours?” “not until you get the location of the drugs cargo” “c’mon man, i haven’t seen my kid since she was born” “work harder then”

he decided to get off the car before he punched the guy hard enough to knock of all his teeth, closing the door on him with a vice.

arriving back at the home, he sat down on the couch, opening a beer with the corner of a table. he knew he should’ve quit when he could, he should’ve just quit when she told him she was pregnant but he stupidly decided not to and now he was paying the price. 

“you look like shit man, what happened?” vince was one of the main men in the gang, someone chris had been assigned to become friends with. all he wanted now was for him to tell him where the drug shipment was being sent to so he could go home “some guy tried to pick a fight. idiot” “ah man, bottom feeders, always do that” “yeah” “cmon let’s go to lusty i’ll pay you a lap dance” “isn’t the new shipment coming in? last time we weren’t here mark lost his fucking head” “some guys are receiving it in the docks” score.

chris waited until they were in the strip club, something y/n would definitely never hear about, to text erin about it. 

god y/n was never to know the amount of time he was spent in this strip club or she’ll have his head on a platter

as another song was about to begin, his squad broke into the club, heavily armed which let them with no choice but to raise their hands up

erin was to one to pretend to take him in, opening the car door and immediately shutting it “great job, chris. took you long enough.” “bite me, erin.” “i’m guessing you wanna go home to y/n and diana” “i don’t want to hear about any undercover assignments until my daughter’s in college” “deal”

meanwhile y/n was walking around her fully decorated house, showing her baby daughter the baubles hanging from the ceiling

“and that one” she pointed to a big golden one “that one your dad gave to me when we first spend christmas together” baby diana cooed reaching to grab the bauble. y/n smiled at her daughter, kissing her chubby cheeks.

as she was about to hand her the christmas tree topper so she could put it on the tree, she heard someone walk up her door. looking around her opened the door of her under the stairs cupboard, laying diana on her belly there and grabbing one of her old tennis racket. 

as the knob of the door jiggled and the door opened, she readied herself to swing the racket into action 

“it’s me!” chris held his hands up “it’s me, lower the racket”

y/n didn’t even have time to process the fact her husband has a completely different haircut, was skinnier than before and had a few tattoos which definetely weren’t there. all she did was just wrap her around him and hold on tight “you’re here” “yeah, i’m here” “how long are you here?” “as long as you want sweetheart.” “but you said ...” “well, y/n, you better than everyone should know i’m very persuasive” “could’ve been persuasive earlier” “hey where is diana? is she awake?” “she’s in the under the stairs cupboard” “i’m sorry is our daughter harry potter now?” “well i thought you were an intruder and an intruder is not gonna check under the stairs” “why would an intruder come here?” “well christopher you have several enemies and as such i have several plans”

chris laughed, leaning to kiss her, tasting the chapstick she always had on before opening the cupboard, his giggling daughter on her belly. he couldn’t help but immediately pick her up, kissing her cheeks and tummy which only made her giggle more.  “did mumma put you in a little christmas outfit?” she only stared at him, leaning her head which she still could barely hold against his chest “she’s so precious” “i know. we were just about to put the christmas topper on the tree” “let’s do it”

y/n handed the little angel to diana who grabbed it with a might, holding it against her chest as chris walked to the living room where the christmas tree was. 

“wait, i have to film this” y/n grabbed the phone off her jean pocket, holding it front of her face as chris slightly rose diana who just dropped the angel of a tree, which was then fixed by chris.

he was home and he was home to stay. 

[icedthoma]

Out of spite with Todoroki, please. Congratulations on being here for a whole year! Hopefully you will be here for many more!

6. Out of spite

Pro hero AU! 

Thank you so much lovely anon!! Hope you enjoy! (Also a big thank u to @katsukiscaramel for all ur help)

You were pretty sure you were the only person in this entire agency that hated Todoroki Shouto. 

Well, hate might be too harsh. You didn’t love him, that was for sure. A graduate from the prestigious UA high (who got in on recommendation), a powerful quirk and connections to the hero world, his future had always looked bright. Meanwhile you were over here having tragically failed the entrance exam at UA, having to go to a hero study course at a lesser known academy instead. 

Well, you were thankful for all the hard work you had put in over your high school years that helped you become the hero you were today. It just seriously pissed you off how some people had everything laid at their feet from a young age solely because of their renowned last name. And to you, Pro Hero Shouto was one of them. 

Which was why you felt absolutely no guilt whatsoever working at his agency just because of the good reputation it would give you. If he could use his father’s last name to get him into UA, why couldn’t you use his hero name to add to your resume? You honestly needed all the help you could get. 

It wasn’t uncommon for you to watch several of your coworkers develop a hopeless crush on Todoroki, only to get crushed themselves as they came to the eventual realization that they absolutely had no chance. It also didn’t help that he was painfully blunt with his words, yet frustratingly oblivious at the same time. Todoroki Shouto unknowingly left a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he went, and you were definitely not going to be one of them. 

“Y/n.”

Shouto’s voice called out to you from where you had just passed his office, back at the agency for a short break before you resumed patrols, and you instinctively groaned. Plastering a smile on your face, you backtracked and stuck your head into his room. “Yes?”

“Come in, please.”

Wondering briefly if you were about to get fired, you edged in and stood with your hands behind your back, looking anywhere but the hero sitting at his desk. “Did I do something wrong, sir?”

“No,” Todoroki said quietly, and you were uncomfortably aware of his gaze on you from the corner of your eye. What could he possibly want with you? 

The silence stretched on for an uncomfortable minute before he sighed and grabbed a stack of papers, straightening them despite the fact that they were already neatly together. “The--the coffee machine is empty.”

“W-what? Do you want me to refill it?” you asked. You couldn’t believe your ears. He called you in here to refill the stupid coffee machine? 

“Yes.” You couldn’t see his expression because of the papers he was holding. At least you were spared the view of his smug face that had succeeded in wasting your time. 

“Yes, sir.” Biting down the rising retort on the tip of your tongue, you quickly dashed out of the room before he could say anything else, and so he couldn’t see your fuming face. Who did he think he was? You were just as much of a hero as he was, not his personal assistant. 

“Hey, Y/n!” 

“Save it. I’m not in the mood right now,” you spat out, walking right past your fellow coworker on your way to the break room. 

“Woah, cool down. Aren’t you supposed to be out on patrols right now?”

“Yeah, before someone called me into their office and had me stand there for a whole minute just to tell me to refill the coffee machine.” You let out a noise of frustration, hands tightening into fists at your sides. “I honestly don’t get what you see in him.”

“Not this again,” your friend groaned, rushing forward to keep up with your brisk walking speed. “I swear you have some personal vendetta against him or something. Is that why you decided to apply here? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer--”

“I am not,” you protested, refilling the machine like the dutiful sidekick you were. “Do you actually need something from me?” 

“Oh, right!” she exclaimed. “I almost forgot. I was asked to tell you that you were requested to be at a mission briefing after you got back from patrols. Which was why I was surprised to run into you!” 

“What? By who?”

“Who else? Todoroki, of course.” 

------------

This day could not get any worse. 

Folding your arms even tighter against your chest, you forced yourself to focus on the folder in front of you and not on the red and white-haired man across the table. You and Shouto were to go undercover at a large party happening in a few days to apprehend a villain involved in several illegal drug deals--or something along those lines. 

Awkward silences always seemed to follow you and Todoroki around, and this time was no exception. “I...look forward to working with you,” he offered after a moment, holding his hand out. 

You may not like him, but that didn’t mean you were going to be rude. Plastering a smile on your face, you reached out and shook his hand firmly. “Likewise.”

Sidekicks usually patrolled around the city or were backup when necessary. So why were you the one chosen to go on a mission of this type with him? 

Probably because fate hated you.

In a few days, you and Todoroki were headed over to the party, dressed somewhat formally and masks in hand to match the theme. You had to admit Shouto did look rather dashing in his white suit that complimented his eyes well. Next to him, you felt like a boring mud puddle. 

“Do you see him anywhere?” he asked quietly from where the two of you were seated at the bar. His eyes seemed to shine from within the mask he was wearing, dual colors of blue and brown glittering at you. 

You shook your head. “No.”

“Well, in that case...” Shouto took a sip of the water glass he was holding. “Let’s talk.”

Raising an eyebrow, you mirrored his actions and drank from your own glass, looking at him from over the rim. “About what?”

He shrugged, one hand supporting his chin and the other lazily spinning his drink around. “Anything.”

“I really do think we should be focusing on the mission,” you said, ignoring the prickly feeling settling upon you to do another quick once-over around the slightly crowded venue. You couldn’t believe him. Why was he wasting time trying to make small talk? 

“Well, we came early,” Todoroki pointed out. “It’s likely he won’t be here for a while. So...why don’t you tell me more about yourself? While we wait.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought the two of you were on a date from the way he was acting. “Um, okay. I’m Y/n L/n, and I’ve been working as your sidekick for a year and a half.”

He laughed at that, a quiet chuckle that he tried to muffle with his hand over his mouth. “I know all that already. What about what got you into wanting to be a hero?”

Sighing, you went along with his antics. "I wanted to make my mark in the world of heroism. Everyone told me it would be hard since I couldn’t get into all the fancy schools like UA, but I’m going to prove them wrong.” 

 “You applied to UA?” You could hear the surprise in his voice. 

"Yep, though I failed the entrance exam. But you went there, right? What was it like?”

“Well, I had to meet very high expectations because of my father’s legacy,” he sighed, forming a small cube of ice within his fingers to plop into his water. “I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough.”

“But you’re practically perfect--” you blurted out before you could stop yourself, instantly slamming a hand over your mouth afterward. “Crap--that was out of line, I--”

“You...you think I’m perfect?” Todoroki repeated, and you really couldn’t tell whether he thought that was a good thing or a bad thing. You also weren’t sure which you would have preferred. 

“Well, yeah. You have a strong quirk, graduated from the UA to start your own agency only a few years after, and you’re popular with the ladies. You’re on your way to a shining career in herosim.”

“Did you really have to mention that last bit?” 

“I mean, it’s true. I can think of five people who’ve had a crush on you in the past month.” You couldn’t stop your tone from going a little flat at the end, mostly because the fact so many people wanted him romantically was the bane of your existence. Why was he acting embarrassed about it, anyway? As far as you knew, getting people’s hopes up was his hobby. “We’ve been sitting here for too long,” you murmured, grabbing his hand to tug him to his feet. “Let’s dance.”

He allowed you to pull him to the center of the dance floor, lacing his fingers with yours and letting his other hand rest on your waist before you even had to ask. In between glancing around the room for the villain you were after, you cast multiple side glances at the side of Shouto’s face. Calm and collected as usual. 

Todoroki Shouto had the life you could only dream of. Regardless of your every struggle to claw your way up in hero society, you knew you would never attain his level. You were destined to be nothing more than a sidekick who could be ordered around at a higher ranking hero’s whim. You still hadn’t forgotten how he had made you stand in his office for a whole minute in silence before sending you off to refill the coffee machine, of all things.

It wasn’t fair, and you hated it.

“Todoroki.”

“Hmm?” You almost went cross-eyed at how close he had ended up being after turning his head your way. His nose was barely brushing the tip of yours, his every exhale like a ghost whispering across the surface of your skin despite the mask you were wearing. “Did you spot...him?”

Without thinking, you closed your eyes and leaned in, raising your mouth to his before the rational part of your mind caught up with you. His lips were soft and fit perfectly against yours (though, to be honest, anyone would probably say that if they were kissing the Todoroki Shouto). You didn’t expect him to reciprocate the kiss, however, his lips opening slightly for a moment only to press harder against you a second later. The crowd was your ally, no one bothering to look upon the two of you when there were many more masked figures around you doing the same thing. 

You broke away, only noticing now how his grip on you had tightened ever since you had initiated the kiss. Your face was burning with shame, and you couldn’t believe that you had kissed him in the middle of your frustrations, in the middle of a mission. In a complete contrast to what you were feeling at the moment, Todoroki was actually smiling. His mask was slightly askew and his face was beet red, but he was giving you the biggest grin you had ever seen from him despite the terrible mistake you had just made. 

“Wow,” he breathed, the hand on your waist flying up to run through his hair. “I never thought...you felt the same way I did.”

What? 

Shouto was rambling now, voice uncharacteristically brighter and not letting you get a word in edge-wise. You listened with growing horror as he told you briefly about his past, and how his friends at UA helped him work through his trauma to become a better person and believe in relying on others. “I love how you’re so hard working and determined to pursue what you’re passionate about,” he said earnestly. “I feel like we have that in common, because we’re so different from what everyone else says we are, or what we should be. I tried to find reasons to talk to you more often, but I only ended up making things weird, like--”

“The coffee machine,” you finished vaguely. 

“Yeah,” he said, giving your hand (that had been encased in his this whole time) a gentle squeeze. “I apologize if I’m talking too much, I’m just so...”

You had been horribly misinterpreting this situation the whole time. It all made sense now. From the awkward way the two of you always interacted to why you of all people were requested to go on a mission like this...

How could you have judged him upon first glance, without even knowing his full story? You saw his family fame and strength and automatically assumed he had no problems in life whatsoever. The scar on his face was a sign of the pain he had faced in his past and overcome. How could you let your jealousy over something you couldn’t control overwhelm you to the point that you had kissed him out of pure spite? 

He didn’t deserve to be lied to. Out of all the people he could have chosen to crush on, he chose you (a horrible decision, really). You had to tell him the truth. 

“Todoroki,” you began hesitantly, already dreading the conversation to come. “Listen, I--”

“Wait,” Shouto hissed, pressing a finger over your mouth to gesture at a spot behind you. “He’s here. On your left. Are you ready?”

It was unnerving how quickly he slipped from looking like he was on cloud nine to focused on the mission, and it only made you more uneasy. Not trusting your voice at that moment, all you could do was nod, and he gave you another of those rare smiles you never saw offered to anyone else. 

“Oh, and you can call me Shouto.” 

------------

Apprehending the villain was child’s play while working with pro hero Shouto. You had to admit you were slightly distracted the whole time at the fact that he had allowed you to be on first name basis with him literally seconds before. 

But in no time at all the villain was being carted away by the police and you were standing in front of Todoroki once again in the middle of the road, his face illuminated by the bright lights of the city at nighttime. “Good work today, hero,” he said, taking off his mask to put it in his pocket, and you winced. After you told him the truth, would he still think the same way about you? 

"I’m sorry,” you said, voice shaking despite your best efforts. 

“What? What for?”

You explained everything to him. How you hated him in the beginning, purely because he had (or seemed to have) the life you wished you had out of your own self-interest. How you had judged him without even getting to properly know him first outside the rumors. 

You could see the light in his eyes visibly fade the longer you kept talking. “Why did you kiss me, then?” he asked, voice pleading at the end like he was still trying to hold on to any hope that things between the two of you were going to turn out okay. “You wouldn’t have kissed me if you didn’t return my affections, right?”

“I kissed you out of spite,” you whispered. “It didn’t mean anything.” 

He scoffed, turning away so all you could see of him was his back. “To you.” 

As he began to walk away, you saw that he had taken the mask from the party out of his suit pocket. There was a small thud as he  let it fall from his fingers onto the concrete sidewalk, continuing down the road and leaving you on the sidewalk with nothing but your own regret to keep you company. 

------------

one year event masterlist

[ahgaseda]

two can keep a secret || chapter 07

⇥ synopsis : when your father reveals his intention to remarry, you find an unlikely confidant in Mark, your soon-to-be stepbrother, but what began as a revenge fling ironically becomes far more complicated...

⇥ warnings : this story in its entirety includes but is not limited to strong language and dialogue, recurring alcohol and drug use, and explicit sexual content, and is intended for an adult audience only!

Only the sound of forks and knives clinking against dishes filled the dining room. Your parents always insisted on at least one family dinner per week. It had been less than a day since your fight with Mark and now you were forced to sit across from him until everyone had cleared their plates.

Mark ate like a man starved, uncaring as he stuffed his face. Your father was no different. The men said nothing whilst they filled their stomachs. Meanwhile, you poked at your steak and Mark’s mother kept looking around the table.

“Did the two of you have a fight?” she asked suddenly.

You glanced up, like a deer in headlights. Mark didn’t slow down. He swallowed what was in his mouth and simply shook his head, as if anything between you and him was inconsequential.

His mother turned her gaze to you, expectant.

“I’m sorry. I just… don’t feel very well,” you told her, offering a placating smile. It wasn’t a lie. Your stomach was in knots almost constantly since you saw those positive pregnancy tests.

“You do look pale, honey,” she crooned.

You swallowed nervously. Did you?

Mark looked up at that, giving you a scrutinizing glance. His first instinct was to worry. Had the fight and pregnancy scare stressed you to the point of illness? Before he could say something potentially damning, your father spoke up, “My daughter never complains of being sick.”

You could hear the concern in his voice.

“Don’t force yourself to eat if you feel unwell,” he continued. “You can be excused and go lie down if you need to.”

“Thank you,” you said softly, tears gathering in your eyes. You desperately wanted to get away from Mark. Rising from the table, you grabbed your plate and pushed your chair back into place. After discarding the uneaten food in the kitchen, you placed a kiss on your father’s cheek.

Then, you bolted. Locking the bedroom door behind you, you hid yourself beneath your blankets, crying until you nearly fell asleep. How were you going to tell your father that you were pregnant?

Mark set down his fork and leaned back against his chair. Was being in the same room with him that torturous for you? Because it damn sure was for him, but at least he managed to endure it.

He missed the feel of your skin and his fingers in your soft hair. The way you laughed when he tickled you or showed you something funny on his phone. How you snuggled up to him when you were sleepy and tangled your legs through his when you were cold. And the handful of times you had spoken his name in your sleep, letting him know he was on your mind even in your dreams.

Mark sharply cleared his throat and decided he needed to bury himself balls deep in another cunt until he forgot about you.

Jackson was reliable for two things: hyping up his friends when they felt like dying and organizing booze-filled parties on extremely short notice. Mark was in need of both, though he favored the latter.

When you stepped out of your bedroom, Mark was doing the same across the hall. Another downside you had forgotten about; your rooms faced each other.

You stopped in your tracks, still clutching the doorknob. Mark finished pulling on his leather jacket and met your eyes.

“Jacks is having a party,” Mark said, emotionless.

That stung. Jackson always texted you an invite to his parties. If he hadn’t, that meant Mark told him not to, which meant Mark didn’t want you to know how fucked up he was going to get.

Or that he was going to fuck around with other girls.

Flashing a brief, awkward smile, you told him, “Have fun.” Then, you brushed by him before any more words could pass between you.

Mark stood there, watching you go and battling with himself. Guilt manifested first, but he shook his head, hoping to shake the feeling away.

You hopped in the car and drove off into the night. You wanted to stay at your best friend’s place for as long as you could get away with. You didn’t want to be in the same house as Mark for a while. The secret was smothering you. Only you knew about the baby in your womb. Every time you laid eyes on Mark, you remembered you were carrying a piece of him inside you. And he had no idea.

Mark preferred drowning in alcohol than in his sorrows. Even as he chased another shot, throwing it back with a grimace, he thought about you. He couldn’t shake the image of you in his head, naked in his arms as you lulled him to sleep.

And now he couldn’t have you. He fucked it up.

You had given him a peace Mark didn’t think he was capable of anymore and it was gone as quickly as it had come. Gripping another shot tightly in his hand, Mark stared off into the distance as a realization sank in.

Jackson appeared at this side, clapping a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “How goes it, brother?”

“I’m in love with her,” Mark whispered.

Jackson froze. He knew exactly who his best friend was talking about. Rubbing his chin, Jackson glanced around to make sure no one was listening in and whispered, “I didn’t invite her. Like you wanted.”

“Good,” Mark said, downing another shot.

“Mark, do you need to talk about…,” Jackson started.

Mark rose from his seat and growled, “Where’s Leah? I know she’s around here somewhere.”

“Yeah…,” Jackson trailed, voice sympathetic. Leah was known for being easy. She was also known for having her eyes on Mark since the first time she saw him.

Mark spotted her in the crowd and headed toward her without another word. He approached her while she danced, wrapped an arm around her waist, and whispered in her ear, “Still want me to fuck your brains out?”

Leah couldn’t drag him upstairs fast enough.

Mark kissed her hard and rough, but she wasn’t you. Her hands felt like ice against his warm skin. Her legs were stiff around his waist. Mark could only picture you beneath him.

Leah, on the other hand, was ready to devour him. She stripped down to her bra under him and unbuckled his pants, reaching for his cock and letting out a moan. She gripped his half-hard shaft and nipped at his neck.

Then, Mark did the unthinkable.

He whispered your name.

Leah grabbed his face, pushing him back and scowling at him with wide, shocked eyes. “What did you just say?”

Mark blinked through his tequila-induced daze. “What?”

“Oh my god, you said her name,” she exclaimed in horror and quickly rising jealousy. “Your fucking stepsister!”

“No, I didn’t,” he stammered.

“I heard it, Mark. Holy shit. Are you screwing her?”

“What? No!”

Leah scrambled out of the bed, snatching her shirt and tugging it back on like she had finally discovered shame. “That’s disgusting.”

Rage and hurt boiled inside Mark until it spilled over and promptly exploded. Angrily, he shouted, “She’s not my stepsister!”

Leah blinked, a twisted smile pulling at her lips. Rather than deny, he justified it. “Oh, you are so fucked.”

Mark understood by the look on her face that life as he knew it was officially over. “You have no idea…,” he huffed in defeat.

You were a mixture of relieved and devastated that you didn’t see Mark at classes the next day. There were a few times your schedules overlapped and you would pass each other in the hall. He must have gotten drunk enough to warrant a hangover from hell.

But Leah made sure to shoulder check you as the two of you crossed paths.

“What the hell…?” you snapped, ready to slug her for staggering you backwards.

“Slut,” she snarled back, shoving past you to continue on her way.

You stood there shell-shocked. Leah never went toe-to-toe with you and you were tempted to pound her into the concrete as you protectively put a hand over your lower stomach.

Fortunately, your best friend appeared and looped her arm through yours, whispering, “Honey, haven’t you heard the latest gossip?”

You rolled your eyes. Never did you give a shit about gossip. “You know I have zero social media presence.”

She pulled you behind a corner and spoke in hushed tones, “It’s about you!”

“Me? What did I do?”

She bit her lip and told you, “Mark was in bed with Leah at Jackson’s party last night.”

Your heart sank somewhere below your chest, into some bottomless pit never to crawl back out again. “Oh.”

“And he said your name!”

The world came to a grinding halt around you.

Mark said your name while he was in bed with another woman. For all you knew he was finishing inside her and he literally called out your name.

You would think about the implications of that later, but for now, your focus was on the fact that it was becoming common knowledge on campus. Which meant word was spreading like wildfire.

“Oh god,” your friend murmured, saying your name in disbelief.

Your brow furrowed. “What?”

“I see your face. It’s true. You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”

There was a pause while you swallowed the lump in your throat. Eventually, you muttered, “It’s complicated.”

She tilted her head and tried to be gentle. “Sweetie, I know he’s technically not your stepbrother yet, but your parents are getting married. It’s happening.”

You seethed, “I’m well aware of that.”

Your best friend hesitated, watching you carefully and noting the emotions gathering on your face. “How long has it been going on?”

You didn’t hesitate to answer, “Since they got engaged.”

She gaped. “For Christ’s sake.”

“He made it better, okay? We feel the same way about them getting married and it just… we were gonna get into self-destructive behaviors anyway. Turns out fucking each other was the most convenient.”

It was hard to tell who you were trying to convince.

She simpered, but certainly didn’t condone it. “You’re in love with him.”

You wanted to scowl. “Am I?”

“When I said he was in bed with Leah, you were devastated.”

You shook your head and shrugged. “I just felt betrayed, that’s all.”

She placed a tender hand on your arm. “They didn’t screw. Apparently they were about to and he dropped your name. She hauled ass out of there.”

That surprised you.

You held up your phone, expecting a text or missed call from Mark and finding nothing. “I need to go,” you told your friend, bidding her goodbye and heading for your car before she could grill you for more juicy gossip.

Hopping behind the wheel, your phone rang and you immediately answered, “Hello?”

“Hi, we got your message about seeing Dr. James. You’re not due for your well woman’s exam just yet, so I was calling to see what kind of appointment you needed.”

It was your doctor’s office. You forgot you called.

Fighting back tears, you looked around the parking lot and whispered, “I… took a few home pregnancy tests and they were all positive.”

“I understand,” said the receptionist kindly. “I can work you in the day after tomorrow. She can confirm the pregnancy and discuss prenatal care or other options with you. Does that sound alright?”

Voice trembling, you replied, “Yes, that would be great. I really appreciate it.”

Meanwhile, Mark ditched the rest of his classes to drown himself in a video game. He was screwed, there was no doubt about it. He checked his phone again for the thousandth time - still no word from you.

He let his head fall back with a groan. You would have heard by now. The girls you tended to hang with were some of the mouthiest he had ever known. They would be itching to spill the tea all over you.

There was a knock at Mark’s bedroom door. He set the controller down and leapt up anxiously, expecting it to be you. God knows, he just wanted you to hold him and lie to him that everything would be alright.

When Mark opened the door, his heart sank.

There stood your father and his cheeks were the color of the fires of Hell itself.

“Mark,” he said stiffly.

“Yes, sir.” Mark held his breath, his heart beating violently against his ribs.

Your father clenched his jaw and hissed, “How long have you been having sex with my daughter?”

chapter 06 ⇤ chapter 07 ⇥ chapter 08

Hey there, beautiful! If you enjoyed this, please leave a like or reblog or follow me! Or maybe buy me a coffee so I can keep writing? Or check out my masterlist here for more stories! Thanks for reading :) - Katya

This work is fictional and for entertainment purposes only, but is licensed and protected under a creative commons attribution-noncommercial-noderivatives 4.0 international license. Any instances of plagiarism will be dealt with accordingly. Do not re-post or translate without my permission.

{ copyright 2018-2020 © ahgaseda // all rights reserved }

[thatesqcrush]

Soul Savin’, Pt. 3

Rafael Barba x Reader. AN: Taking a lot of liberties and using a lot of prompts and part of a challenge here, specifically: @madpanda75‘s “from your smutty prompt list, can you please do “Friends don’t do this kind of shit!” where Barba and the reader go to a bar, have some tequila, then do some body shots” as well as @delia26‘s “I turned out liking your a lot more than I originally planned.” Finally, using Jewel’s “Who Will Save Your Soul” as part of @thefanficfaerie‘s birthday challenge. 

CW: language, eventually it’ll be NSFW. Angst, continued slow-burning.

CW: for mentions of 9/11. 

WC: 2500

***

You woke up the next day to pounding on your apartment door. You groaned as you shuffled out of your room. “Just a minute,” you called as you pulled on your fluffy purple robe. The banging on your door intensified. Irritated, you called out once more. “Coming!” You found a lone hair tie on the end table by your couch and you took it, pulling your hair into a low pony-tail. You opened the door and found no one there. Confused, you were about to close the door, when you noticed a package with a note. Your heart began to pound and you crouched down to get a closer look. You sighed in relief when you realized the lettering on the box was from the NorthFork donut company, a small artisinal shop that you were obsessed with.  Your eyes darted past the box and there was a growler of coldbrew coffee, from your favorite local roaster, SailAway Coffee Company.

You took the package and growler and shut the door behind you. You could smell how fresh the donuts were from even outside of the box and your stomach growled. You made your way back to the kitchen and set the goodies on the island before going to get a glass for the coffee. You spooned some sugar into the glass and then opened the growler to pour the coffee in.

Carefully, you opened the donut box and instead of getting caught up in the delicious sight before you, your eyes settled on the note that was taped on the inside lid. Your name was scrawled in Rafael’s handwriting.

Y/N, I am sorry for last night. Mea culpa. I just really miss my friend and hope I didn’t fuck it up for good.

You sighed and pondered Rafael’s note. You wondered had you not had a thing for him, would you even be so forgiving. You grabbed a fancy looking chocolate donut and then went back to your room to grab your phone. You hopped onto a barstool and wrote Rafael back.

Thanks for the donuts and coffee. Didn’t take you for someone to be so cliched. Come over, help me finish the coffee. Can’t make any promises on the donuts.

Rafael texted he would be over within the hour. You were tempted to eat another donut, but instead chose to shower.

--

“Do they just let anyone on the roof?” Rafael asked in disbelief as he took in the view of the city before him from your rooftop.

“No, but sometimes being a cop has its perks,” you winked before taking a sip of your coffee. “I like to come up here in just when it gets a little too much for me down there, it's like...like my New York version of a mountaintop.”

The sun was beaming down brightly but there was a cool breeze, not making it overly warm. You brought over the donuts to the little table that you had set up. Rafael leaned against the railing, watching you as you set up the donuts.

“I’m sorry.”

You paused your actions and stood straight up, to face him. “I know. I got your note.” Rafael walked over to you. His hand rested on your forearms. You searched each other’s eyes.  Part of you wanted to do nothing but smooth back some of his hair that had fallen out of place but you refrained from doing so. “Look Rafael – I don’t understand our relationship. Sometimes we’re friends… sometimes it feels like we’re strangers. You have to be honest with me.”

Rafael Barba, the silver-tongued prosecutor suddenly found himself at a loss for words. His mouth went dry and he swallowed hard. His stomach was in knots. Unable to look at you, he turned away, facing the skyline once more.

“It’s complicated.”

“Bullshit.”

You marched back up to Rafael and stood to face him. “Talk to me. What is it? Please.”

Rafael looked at you and he felt awful for being the reason your face was laced with worry and concern. He wished he could tell you how he felt about you – that all he wanted to do was to kiss you – and then some. You crossed your arms and bit your lip, anxious at his pending response. Something – you weren’t sure what – flashed across Rafael’s face and all you wanted to do was rush up to him and kiss him. You stepped closer to Rafael and he stepped closer to you.

“It’s work,” Rafael lied. “Just have been stressed. It’s the summer so a lot of people are off and I just bit off more than I can chew.”

You sighed. “Okay. If you say so.” Rafael did not miss the hint of disappointment in your voice. You walked back over to the table and grabbed a donut before sitting down on a wicker love seat. You chewed slowly as you looked up towards the sky. A pigeon flew overhead before settling on the ledge. The bird cooed at you as it eyed your donut. You tore off a piece of your donut and tossed it towards the bird.

“I don’t think donuts are part of a well-balanced diet for a pigeon.”

You snorted. “Are you some kind of pigeon expert? Is that your side-hustle Rafael Barba?”

Rafael guffawed as he sat down next to you. You reached over and handed him the donut box. Rafael chose a black and white donut – it was just like the cookie – but in donut form. You leaned your head on Rafael’s shoulder and the two of you sat there in silence, for what seemed like forever. The heat from the sun melted the glaze from the donuts and your fingers were sticky. You sucked the sugary coating off of your fingers slowly, not realizing Rafael’s gaze was hyper-focused on your movements. You closed your eyes and hummed and Rafael felt his desire shoot southward.

Rafael stood suddenly. “Anyway, I have to get going – I am glad we’re okay.”

You stood, brushing off invisible crumbs from your lap. “No – stay.”

Rafael pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly before pulling away to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll see you, Y/N.”

--

Strip clubs have reputations for being havens for drugs and sex trafficking for a reason. And that is was the scene of your next case – a stripper was brutally assaulted by a pimp there. Olivia had the idea of setting up a honeytrap with you going undercover. You showed up to the precinct all dolled up with a face full of heavy makeup and your hair in half-up and half-down in soft sexy curls.

“What are we working with?” Olivia asked, pointing to your trench coat. “I don’t think that is going to fly on the stage.”

You opened your trench coat revealing your actual outfit: you were outfitted in pure sin: a matching purple lame crop top, with a deep neckline, which accentuated your breasts and booty shorts with a ruched backing. Obscenely large hoop earrings hung off your lobes and your wrists were stacked with bangle bracelets. Finishing your outfit were shiny black patent five inch heels that accentuated your well defined calves.

At that moment Amanda came in with Rafael and Carisi on her heels. “We’re all set up to go… hey, hey, looking good, Y/N.”

“What is she… “ Rafael began but found himself at a loss for words as he took in the sight of you. All the blood in his body headed south. “Do I want to know why you're dressed like that?  Wait a second… Y/N – you’re the mark for the honeytrap?” he asked in disbelief.

“Well who else would it be?” you asked. “Liv’s mug is all over the paper – Rollins is … you know…” you waved your hand over Amanda who was very clearly pregnant. “And Kat is on vacation visiting her mom in San Diego.”

“Liv, I don’t like this,” Rafael replied quietly. “This could get dangerous. I am worried about Y/N’s safety.”

“We don't need to get your approval. Besides, Y/N is tough – she can handle her own.” Olivia replied, giving Rafael an incredulous look. “Besides, we’ll have eyes and ears on the place. The first sign things are not going well, we’re moving in.”

“Hello? Hi – let’s not talk about me, in front of me,” you replied, waving your hand in between Rafael and Olivia. “Rafael – I got this,” you replied with an eye roll. “It’ll be fine.”

--

Rafael sat inside the stakeout van, cramped and uncomfortable. Inside the van was Olivia and Carisi. Olivia was feeding information to Fin who was inside the strip club, also undercover as a customer. Clipped in your earrings was a tiny camera recording every move.

Rafael watched as you were announced on the stage as “Sage Whisper.” You were nervous initially, especially as you knew Rafael was watching you. You chose to dance to “Lady Marmalade.”

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahHe sat in her boudoir while she freshened up Boy drank all that Magnolia wine On her black satin sheets' where he started to freak, yeah

As you swung your body around the pole, you allowed yourself to get lost to the song and got really into your performance. You bent down to touch your toes, in front of the audience giving everyone a view of your ass, the material of your shorts rising up, almost being eaten by your cheeks when you stood up. You sauntered back to the pole and gyrated your hips as you shimmied off your shorts, revealing your black G-string. Just as you were about to clip off the back of your top, you were requested to go to a private room by the pimp your team had eyes on.

Meanwhile in the van, sweat dripped off Rafael’s brow. He wasn’t sure if it was you, the closed quarters, or both. Judging by how tight his pants were growing, he was sure it was you. He shifted uncomfortably as he watched you saunter off the stage and head to a backroom. The pimp had his hand low on your back, before moving down to squeeze it.

Rafael wanted to throw up.

--

You played your bit to the pimp, egging him on and teasing. Finally, the pimp had enough and he had backed you into a corner, his hand gripping your hair tightly, cocking your head.

“Watch it bitch – or I’ll do to you what I did to the last slut who came in here.”

You raised your brow in defiance. “I’d like to see you try.”

What you didn’t expect was to be pistol whipped. You collapsed to the ground and groaned in pain as you were kicked in the ribs. Around you was a cacophony of sounds – you could hear Olivia and Fin in the background along with several other police backup entering the room with their guns raised.

You could barely hear your name as your ears continued to ring. Finally, a pair of hands pulled you up and helped you out of the room.

Back outside, you shivered as you sat in the back of an open van, your head still pounding. You wore Liv’s police jacket in a futile attempt to keep warm. “Y/N, you did good,” Olivia replied softly. “I have your change of clothes. I’ll bring them by while you get checked out.”

“I don’t need to be checked out; I am fine,” you protested. Olivia raised her hand and shook her head.

“You need to be checked out. You are probably concussed and you might have a bruised rib or even a broken one.”

You sighed. “Okay. I’ll come up to the station after to finish up my paperwork.”

“Nonsense – you can do that on Monday. Take the rest of the weekend.” You began to protest when Oliva held a hand up. “That’s an order detective.”

“Ay, ay Captain,” you muttered weakly. Olivia waived over an EMS worker and as you were checked out, Rafael rushed to the van.

“Y/N, are you okay? Jesus fucking Christ!”

“I’m fine, Rafael. I promise. Just some bruises. Nothing that won’t heal in a couple of days.”

“Olivia gave me your clothes.” You nodded and gave him a small smile of appreciation as you took the duffel bag. You climbed into the van and began to shut the doors. “Make sure no one drives off with me in it – I am going to change.”

A few minutes later you emerged in a ratty sweatshirt and your most comfortable, broken in jeans. Your appeared out of place with your heavy makeup and costume jewelry still on. You winced as you removed your fake eyelashes. Rafael felt horrible for what you went through. “Do you have to go back to the precinct?”

“No. Liv gave me the weekend off; told me to finish my paperwork Monday.”

“Come on – let me get us a cab. We’ll go get some food.”

You smiled brightly. “That sounds perfect.”

--

You winced slightly as you laughed as Rafael told you an embarrassing tale of him as a kid. You popped a French fry in your mouth, reveling in the hot, salty carb. You were both back at the bar in Midtown.

“So you never told me why you ever came to this bar in the first place. Those many weeks ago.” Rafael trailed off, taking a long sip from his beer bottle.

You plucked a fry from Rafael’s plate and chewed it slowly, mulling over your next words. “I went to high school in the city and I was a senior when 9/11 occurred. When my friends and I were let out, we could not find a subway out of the city. So we ended up holed in this bar – this very bar. The owners of the bar – fed us never ending fries and sodas until we were able to connect with our parents. A cop came to get us a few hours later and drove us home. I have been a frequent flyer since I turned of legal age – more or less,” you chuckled. “And then Sean – one of the owners - died a few years ago to ALS.” Your voice warbled at the last bit and a tear threatened to fall. You wiped your greasy hands on a napkin and then used the back of your hands to wipe your eyes.

Rafael reached over and took one of your hands into his and squeezed it. You gave him a small smile and took a deep breath and a look around. “Okay, lets have a shot for Sean and for this night being an overall success despite…” you trailed off, casting a hand over yourself.

Rafael signaled for the bartender.  Six shot glasses were lined up. And then again. And again.

When you first got ready for the evening, you never thought it would end with you and Rafael doing body shots. As Rafael sucked a mark into your neck, you gasped, “Friends don’t do this kind of shit!”

“Then I guess we were never friends,” Rafael husked in your ear, before pulling away to toss the shot back.

TBC.

Tags:  @melsquared79 @madpanda75 @youreverycolor @tropes-and-tales @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @delia26 @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolon @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoollike @fanficfaeriesrafaelbarbalibrary @theenchantedgalleryofstories @thefanficfaerie @trekinthruthestarwars @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty​ -anyone else, just ask, xo

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukaang soulmate au part 10

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

Standing in front of the pillar watching the rest of the group go in through the window was interesting to say the least, Iroh had decided to stick around in the town of sorts while the group went flying, not really wanting to go into a desert. Zuko leaned against the stone wall and let out a sigh.

"What's up?" Toph asked without looking in his direction

"Me or Appa?"

"You, sparky"

"Ew what kind of nickname is that?"

"The kind of nickname you get for being all oogie with Aang in my own home"

Zuko cleared his thoat awkwardly at that "right, sorry about that"

"No need, its funny watching you two be all awkward around eachother... well figuratively watch anyways" Zuko let a smile form on his lips at her joke "but seriously what's up? You've been sighing around since the others went in the library"

Zuko hugged his knees to his chest "i don't know really, Im just, scared? I guess... I know Aang is powerful, much more powerful than I am, but I'm scared somethings gonna happen to him and I won't be able to help him"

Toph didn't say anything for a second "I know what you mean, I guess? Not exactly, but I understand the feeling of wanting to protect someone even if they don't necessarily need it." She paused and turned her head in his direction "if its any consolation, I know Aang appreciates your protective nature.. and I for one can always be the backup protection, nothing can stop me"

Zuko let out a full belly laugh at her words, to which Toph grinned "you know, Ive never heard you laugh like that, now I understand why Aang tries so hard to make you laugh"

Covering his face with his hands Zuko let out a small groan. "Its just a laugh! What is it with you guys and my laugh?"

"Its cute"

They sat leaned against the library for a good bit befote Toph shot up "library sinking.. Library sinking!" She took a stance and slammed her fists into the stone wall to hold it up. Meanwhile sandbenders were closing in around Appa.

Zuko fired a blast at one of them and dodged a bit of sand thrown at him. The went back and forth for a bit until Zuko made a bad step and the sandbenders managed to make him sink down to his hips in sand. Panicking he blasted fire at the benders who were actively taking Appa away from them "No! Get back here! Appa!!" He tried tirelessly to get out of the sand but from where he was stuck it was nearly impossible. Zuko was still struggling against the sand by the time the library fell and Aang flew out with Sokka and Katara.

"Zuko!" Aang shouted while running up to him and getting him out. "Are you okay? Where's Appa?"

"Im okay... I'm fine, the sandbenders, they... they took him. They took Appa, I tried to stop them, I really tried but they got the upperhand" he hung his head, not daring to look at Aang who was rightfully angry.

"Why didnt you do anything!?" He turned to Toph

"Aang she can't see out here! Not to mention she was holding up the library!" Zuko shouted as he stood up

"And you!" Aang jabbed a finger into Zuko's chest "why did you let them get you!? If you cared enough not to make that missed foot they wouldn't have gotten you!" Zuko couldnt say anything, he just looked at Aangs fierce expression. His mark stung, it felt like it was burning and freezing at the same time. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes just from being scolded for even trying.

"Aang stop it! Toph and Zuko did everything they could, now we need to focus on getting out of here" Katara gently scolded the angry airbender

"All you guys care about is yourselves! Do you even care that Appa's missing!"

"Of course we care about him, but we can't go look for him unless we get out of this desert alive"

At that Aang opened his glider "im going to find Appa" was all he said before shooting up into the air.

Zuko brushed himself off and avoided eyecontact with everyone until Katara reached her hand out and grabbed the back of his tunic "He's right to be upset, but he shouldn't have said those things, just.... look, Zuko he's never been apart from Appa for more than a day so he's going to freak out-"

"Appa is his animal guide" Zuko said bluntly "of course he's freaked out, it's like he lost a part of himself"

Katara gave a sad expression at the bluntness in Zuko's tone "well, lets not stand around, we have to try and get out of here"

And so off they went, walking in the heat was nearly unbearable to say the least, it was absolutely worse for the others give ln that Zuko grew up in a volcano. But it was certainly not the best situation to be in with very little water to share among multiple people. So Zuko couldnt blame Sokka for running up to the cactus.

"Wait Sokka! Cactus juice is a hallucinogen!" He tried to warn

"Whats that?" Katara asked with a scrunched nose

"Well its sold around the fire nation as a drug that makes you hallucinate" with that they turned to see Sokka had already drank quite a bit of it "usually you only have a small bit of it and it lasts you about an hour, but he, he's gonna be out of commission for a good day at least"

And with that they had to drag a drugged up Sokka and Momo through the desert with Katara leading them, holding tight to Zuko's hand who was holding onto Sokka's wrist given that his hand would likely slip out, Toph held onto Sokka's other wrist and Momo's tail so he wouldn't fly off and get lost.

After a while Aang landed near them and Zuko went running to him but stopped short when he glared over his shoulder. Seeing the fear and hurt in Zuko's eyes Aang softened his expression and let out a sigh "sorry" he mumbled and then moved towards him "I couldn't find him"

After that Aang was added to the linked congo line of dehydrated kids attempting to get out of the desert. They managed to find a sandbender sailer and sail it to a large rock formation in the middle of the desert, which happened to be a giant nest of whatever these jerks of bugs were called. The sandbenders arrived and managed to get the bugs away for good but ended up accusing them of stealing the sand sailer.

"I know that voice, hes the one who stole Appa" Toph said in a slowly angering tone

"You stole Appa!? Where is he!? What did you do to him!?"

"We didn't steal anything! You have the wrong person!"

"You said to put a muzzle on him!" Toph shouted at the bender

"You muzzled Appa!?" Aang's emotioned boiled at this point, the avatar state activating all to quickly. Katara grabbed Sokka, who by this point sobered up, and Toph and ran.

Zuko on the other hand stayed behind with Aang. He reached his hand up, taking a gentle hold of Aang's wrist. The contact made Aang jerk his attention to Zuko, who just stared into the hurt glowing eyes and pulled him down, easing him out of the avatar state and holding him as if he'd fly away and never return. "Im sorry" he whispered against the airbenders shoulder.

Feeling the front of his tunic soaked with Aang's tears was worrisome given the situation they were in, but the sandbenders helped them escape the desert and get back to the small rinky dink town where they rehydrated themselves and made their way on foot to their next destination.

Ba Sing Se.

[ksj-com]

Request #2 My Little Secret

- Pairing: Namjoon x Reader - Genre: Highschool!AU, smut, angst, slight fluff - Warnings/Tags: secret relationship, making out, teasing, alcohol mention, drug mention, flirting, flashing, drunk reader, grinding, drunk sex, choking, possessive Namjoon, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), mark making, rough sex, fingering, doggy style, hair pulling, restraints, riding, squirting, supportive best friend - Word Count: 5,211 words - Summary: You and Namjoon have been in a very intensely lustful and loving relationship for some time, but it’s been kept a secret. Namjoon was nerdy, being the captain of the math team. While you were one of the popular party animals of your grade. Fear of judgment and open commitment kept both of your mouths sealed, but Namjoon is growing impatient. It’s time for you to step up and forget about what people might say. 

|| To read Chloe’s story with Jungkook, click here ||

     High school was a drag. Everyday we ate the same kind of food, dress the same, sit in front of the same kind of teachers...yeah school was just that kind of hell.

     You found yourself sitting at lunch with your friends Olivia, Lucy, Hannah, and Chloe. Chloe was your best friend out of the group by far, you both couldn’t do anything without each other.

     Your fingers dug into the cold hard french fries and brought it to your mouth. Yuck. School lunches really were the worst, but you were too lazy to make yourself lunches everyday. You couldn’t even say anything because, no matter how stale the fries were, you still got them everyday. 

     Other than the food, lunch was the best part of the day. You always found yourself wheezing your head off from laughter with your friends over the dumbest stuff. Just as you were right now, hand slapping on the table as you tried not to choke on the fry in your mouth. The inside jokes you guys had always got you the most. It took you a couple minutes to wipe the tears forming on the corners of your eyes and to catch your breath.

     Everyone had already started a new conversation by the time you were able to function again. Looking up, you locked eyes with Namjoon across the room. He probably saw you laughing your ass off before, guessing by the humored smile spread across his face. He pulls his bottom lip in while looking at you, standing up and leaving the room immediately after.

     “Hey guys, I’ll be right back... gotta use the bathroom,” you spring to your feet and walk out of the cafeteria as casual as you can. Your feet quicken when you hear the doors shut behind you. The light taps of your sneakers hitting the school floor bounced through the locker halls. Your tongue brushes over your front teeth to make sure there’s no food stuck in them. You turn to a different hall where the janitors closet it. What a clich��.

     You open the door to see Namjoon inside waiting for you. The room had one dim lightbulb dangling from the ceiling. You close the door lightly behind you and look back at him.

     “You look good today,” he grabs you by your hips to pull you close to him. 

     “Not so bad yourself,” you look up at him. He looks down at you smiling with his cute dimples and ash blonde hair. Tip toeing up to him, your lips meets in a string of kisses. Smiling and giggling between some kisses from being in a janitors closet. It wasn’t new for you two to meet here occasionally to talk and kiss, but you couldn’t help but think it was a little ridiculous.

     His hands slide into your back pockets as you glided your palms across his chest. Providing a little space between your bodies so it wouldn’t get too heated in school. He almost pulls you over the edge when his hands give your ass a slight squeeze in your pockets. Your breath hiccups into his mouth, causing him to smirk. Your hands slide up to cup his face just before you disconnect the kiss. A little laugh rises in your throat when you both stand there looking at each other with goofy smiles on both faces. You flick your tongue on the tip of his nose and step away from him a bit. Stepping away revealed the visible boner he already had. You peel your eyes away from his dick to look at his face.

     “I’ll see you at Chloe’s party tonight, right?” You ask.

     He pushes his hands down his front jean pockets, creating space in order to make his boner not as noticeable. His eyes raked down your body while he rocked back and fourth on his heels. “Of course,” he nods.

     “Trust me, those blue balls won’t be there by the end of it,” you wink playfully before pushes the door open behind you. You couldn’t hide the smile on your face as you walked back to the cafeteria.

     For about 5 months, you and Namjoon have had a ‘thing.’ You both were basically dating and loyal to each other, but you wouldn’t call it dating since you both kept it a secret. You both hang out with completely different groups of people. Namjoon was the more nerdy side, while you were the party animal. You both were scared of the judgement and the drama that may be created once you both were together, so to solve that, you kept it to yourselves. Although, the hiding got old. The longer you both hid, the harder it grew to tell your best friend. If she accepted you, then no one else mattered. But, you never could find the right timing to tell her.

     You wiped the smile off your face when you walked through the cafeteria doors once again. Sitting back down to your table to meet your cold fries again.

     “Damn, is everything okay? Or did you just take a massive shit?” Chloe asks, followed by everyone laughing. You couldn’t help but join in on their laughter too from the question. The rest of lunch was discussing the party plans for tonight, which was all a blur to you.

     You notice on the corner of your eye that Namjoon walked in a little bit after you. Continuing to zone out, you thought about Namjoon and what it would be like if he sat over here— or if you sat over there. Would people be so used to the typical highschool stereotypes that people would talk about it, or would people not care at all?

     Fingers snap in front of your face to get your attention again. You blink a few times before realizing everyone at your table was looking at you confused. “What were you guys talking about? Sorry,” your words fumble out of your mouth.

•••

     Chloe examined her body in the mirror while complaining about a guy named Jungkook. They have been enemies, forever it seemed, and you never really understood a good reason as to why. Apparently he’s throwing a party tonight just like Chloe is, so she’s ranting about it. Meanwhile, you try to convince her that tonight will be a blast and her party will be the best, no matter whoever else is throwing a party.

     “Now move bitch so I can see how I look,” you laugh and nudge her aside. You fluffed up your blonde loosely curled hair in your hands and made sure your light makeup on your face was freshened up enough. The makeup was light enough to still be able to see the faint freckles that bloomed on your nose and top cheeks. The mascara making your blue eyes pop, contrasting your originally blonde eyelashes.

     You skimmed down to your outfit for tonight; you made sure to change before going over to Chloe’s house. A silky light tan blouse loosely covered your chest. It was a button up, but you left the top few buttons open. Your chest and upper stomach visible and bare, other than the simple necklace dropping to the middle of your chest. The blouse was tucked into a pair of light blue, high waisted, denim jeans. You had to admit that you looked damn good. Usually wearing leggings and sweatshirts everyday, you were surprised you had this kind of stuff in your closet.

     Excited for tonight, you twirl around to face Chloe with a smile on your face. You ask her if she has her eyes set on anyone for tonight, hoping it would create the perfect opportunity to tell her your secret.

     “What about you?” she asks. You were a bit nervous when the moment actually came.

     “Namjoon,” you say in a low tone voice in order to make it seem like you were half joking. It was a good thing you decided to test out the waters before telling her seriously.

     She scrunches her nose. “Going for a straight edge tonight? Changing it up I see.” You both laugh, yet you couldn’t help but feel you sink into yourself in slight embarrassment.

     Maybe next time, you think to yourself. The sound of the doorbell saved you from trying to explain yourself to Chloe. Your step brother, Hoseok, always hooked you guys up with alcohol and drugs for Chloe’s parties since he was of age. Everyone helps set up for the party and you both say goodbye to Hobi.

     “A little pregame never hurt nobody,” you nudge Chloe, making her giggle. You could handle your liquor way better than her, but that didn’t stop you guys from taking a couple shots and snacking a bit before the party started. You hoped that the drinks would loosen you up a bit to tell Chloe what’s been going on. You both joked with each other while eating chex mix and chips, waiting for the people to start flooding in. The doorbell rang and Chloe rushed to the door.

     Namjoon and a few other people stood at the door, waiting to be invited in. Chloe stood to the side, followed by greeting everyone inside. You couldn’t hide your smile when Namjoon made his way over to you in the kitchen. He was wearing a white shirt with a jean jacket and black jeans. He let his hair have a messy appearance, yet it still looked good.

     You hand him a drink in a red solo cup. You both end up taking a drink at the same time, fluttering your eyes up to meet his while drinking the painfully sweet liquid. Shooting you a wink while the cup was still up to his mouth made you giggle before you both disconnected the cups from your lips.

     “Shots anybody?” you lay a few shot glasses on the counter, the couple people at the party joining in. You pour some vanilla vodka in each cup, dribbling some between each glass. After clinking shot glasses with everybody, the drink burns down your throat and chest. Everyone does a couple more before people started to complain about how no one else was coming in.

     Chloe yanks you outside on her front porch and pushes her mouth next to your ear. “Flash the people over there when I say. Jungkook stole all the people away from my party and we have to get them back,” she whispers.

     Bordering drunk now, you went with it and shrugged for an answer. You waited for her to count down, unbuttoning the shirt buttons a little further down.

     “One, two, three!” she lifts her shirt up while you pull your blouse to each side. Chloe calls them to get their attention, and sure enough, her plan worked. You both started laughing when the people started flooding in from across the street. Since your job was done, you headed back inside to Namjoon who was still in the kitchen. You resume taking a couple more shots until you tap out for tonight. Taking so many shots in such short time might’ve not been the smartest idea.

     When you heard the song No Flockin by Kodak Black, you stumbled out to the floor as quickly as possible. This was your song and no one could stop you from making a complete fool out of yourself. You jumped around, waved your arms and head to the beat of the song. The room was almost spinning around you, but you didn’t care since your eyes were closed while dancing anyways. 

     You felt a body next to you and you look to see Chloe dancing next to you. She jumped around with you, both not caring how stupid you guys looked. You notice her look behind you before a presence was pressed up against your backside. You knew who it was, but acted confused since Chloe was there. You turned around to meet eyes with Namjoon. He gives you a lazy smile, clearly buzzed. When looking back at Chloe, she gives you a thumbs up with a big smile on her face.

     You begin to dance with him as Chloe walks away after noticing Jungkook. You grind into him, the harsher you grind the more his fingers grip your waist. You lean into him before dropping to the ground and popping back up, making sure your ass is back against his dick. When you lean back into him again, his hands slide around your waist to pull you as close as possible.

     “You’re so sexy, but you need to be taught a lesson from earlier. Can’t be teasing me like this just yet,” he drops his head to your neck while your bodies press against each other. You twirl around to lead him to one of the guest bedrooms. Even though this wasn’t your house, you knew Chloe’s house like the back of your hand.

     You shut the door behind you, watching the light from the hallway shrink to nothing. Namjoon takes no time to scoop you up and walk you over to the bed. He drops you down, you laughing from bouncing when hitting the bed. His lips smash against yours roughly, your tongues wrapping around each other’s. His hand wraps around your neck as he sucks your lips raw. You squirmed underneath him, wanting more. He pulled away just barely enough that your lips were still slightly touching his.

     “You’re mine. I want everyone to know by the end of tonight,” his lips suck harshly on your neck. Making sure to leave marks down to your chest. You moaned at his words, arching your chest up towards him. “All those guys looking at you. Not knowing that you’re take my dick. Only mine isn’t that right?” he mumbles and bites on your sensitive skin.

     “Yes. Only yours, Joonie,” you whine.

     “Good. And we’re telling them tonight babygirl,” he wraps his mouth around one of your nipples, sucking harshly while he flicked the other one rapidly. You suck in your bottom lip and bite down to try to stop yourself from making noise, but it was too much. You squeezed his hair in your hands and moaned his name. “It’s my turn to tease,” he shakes your hands off his head. Pinning your wrists to your sides as his tongue glides up your chest. You were both grinding into each other, feeling his massive length being restricted by his jeans. You cause him to groan when you lift your hips up to him to press against him harder.

     His lips meet yours again. Fumbling fingers ripped your blouse completely open and peeling your jeans off. He looked down at your body completely bare other than the baby blue lace underwear you had on. His fingers curled around the underwear band and slid them off slowly. He pulls you to the side of the bed and kneels down, so his face is in front of your pussy. He was still fully clothed while he licked and sucked your damp inner thighs. You jolt from the sudden roughness, snaking your body closer. You wanted nothing more than have your thighs be ear muffs to him right now. He took his time before reaching your pussy, pinching your lips and rubbing them together between his fingers. Everything was soaking wet and ready for him to do whatever he pleased to you. He continued the motion as he dug his tongue around your clit. Beginning to swirl it around in circles, and then, he started to suck. You whimper when he blows cool air before he switches his mouth and fingers.

     His tongue curls inside of you while his hand flicks and rubs your engorged clit. A sudden light smack to your pussy causing you to jump from the electrifying feeling running throughout your body. Your fingers pulled at the bed sheets and you could feel your core ignite. As you were heaving like a mad man, he switched again. His fingers slammed inside of you at an unholy pace. He brings himself up to kiss you roughly while doing so. Your tongues messier than you both think, the alcohol in your systems causing you to not really care either way. You pull his lip in between your teeth, causing him to moan.

     When his lip snaps back, he pulls his fingers out of you to flip you over. He quickly takes off his clothes before kneeling behind you on the bed. He pushes your face down and pulls your ass up to his raised cock. You arch your back to glide your pussy up and down his cock. A moan rises from his throat from the feeling of being pulled between your folds. He grabs your wrists again and pulls them both behind your back. He holds them in place while his other hand guides his cock into your pussy. He slides in with ease from how dripping wet you already were. 

     Moments later, he begins smacking inside of you quickly. Your skin ripples from the force of his hips against your ass. He smacked your ass and uses his free hand to grab your hair. Your cheek was still against the mattress as he fucked you senseless. Moans fill the room with the sound of the bed scooting across the floor each time he thrusts into you. He smacks your ass over and over. The pain of the blotched handprints on your ass cheek made your moans grow louder.

     “You like it when I take control, baby?” he pants. Sweat beaded across his chest and forehead.

     “Yes Joonie,” you muffle a whine.

     His hand let’s go of your hair and moves to your neck. He pulls you up while still pumping into you. He squeezed just enough to not fuck you into passing out. His thumb slightly pushing into your airway. Your moans squeak passed his grip and your vision was getting a little worse than it already was.

     He let’s go just in time for you to catch your breath. You spread out your legs further, his hand dipping between to rub your sloppy wet pussy. Your toes curl as you scream his name.

     “Just like that,” you whine. You feel yourself cum on his dick still slamming in you. The feeling of you clenching on his dick sends him over the edge. He pulls out and releases his cum on your back. You lay flat on your stomach as you feel the hot liquid rest on your back. Namjoon leaves and returns quickly with a rag to wipe you off with. He gently rubs your back until it’s dry and collapses next to you. His arms props him up so he’s facing you as his other hands traces up and down your spine. His finger traces further and further down until he gives your butt a little squeeze before resuming to his previous actions.

     “(Y/N)?” he says softly, completely going against how harsh his voice was from before. 

     You hum in response. Too fucked out, drunk, and tired to put together a proper sentence. 

     “I want to be exclusive with you for real. It wasn’t just me saying that in the heat of sex,” he looks at your soft skin. He isn’t drunk like you are and he was hoping this wasn’t going to be forgotten about in the morning.

     You pull his hand in yours and kiss his knuckle before laying your head on top of his hand. “I know. When we go back downstairs...” you drift your sentence off to nothing. You knock out before even finishing your sentence, making him chuckle. He kisses your temple and pulls a blanket over the both of your bare bodies. It wasn’t long before you both doze off together, yet it wasn’t long before you got back up as well.

     About 30 minutes later, you wake up dying of thirst. You roll out of bed and slip your clothes on blindly. You didn’t care if they were inside out or backwards. Wobbling down the steps, you notice Chloe cleaning up the party mess with no one else in the house. You knew it wasn’t late enough for everyone to have left yet, so you wondered what could’ve happened.

     “Where did the party go?” your words slur into one another. Your feet dragged over to the fridge to fill up a cup of water to the brim. You watch her throw away dirty cups in a garbage bag as you waited for your glass to fill from the fridge.

     “I’ll tell you when you’re not drunk,” she says in an annoyed tone. Your drunk mind almost tells her your secret right there, but the sliver of good judgement tells you it’s definitely not the time. She was not in a good mood. The only way you could stop yourself from spilling your secret was to slam the glass of water. You chugged the whole glass, water dripping past your chin. You guys talk for a bit while you fill up your glass for a second time.

     After tripping upstairs, you met Namjoon again upstairs just how you left. “Hey, I brought you some water,” you whisper while setting the glass on the nightstand. He groans and pulls you back in bed next to him, burying his head into the crook of your neck. He left soft kisses where he laid his head, causing your eyes to flutter closed. You sighed happily from the feeling of his soft breaths and his hands pulling you into his embrace.

     “I love you,” you blurt out for the first time. His head rises and he looks at you with wide eyes. You shrink into yourself and shy away, maybe you said it too soon? Answering your worries, his body twists on top of yours. He leaves kisses all over your face, causing you to smile and laugh. He looks at you with a smile on his face.

     “I love you too,” he breathes. The silence in the air reveals the sounds of moaning coming from downstairs.

     “Damn she’s really getting it down there,” you laugh. You couldn’t help but wonder who the hell would she be fucking when she was just cleaning up downstairs by herself.

     “Yeah. We might as well be getting it up here too,” he kisses your lips slowly.

     “You wanna go for a round two?” you cock your eyebrow.

     “Mmm maybe,” he mumbles against your lips before kissing them again. You twist so you’re on top of him. You slip off your clothing, him watching since he was already naked from before. You crawl back on top of him and roll your hips around his dick causing his head to fall back. Your hands trail up his bare chest. You were already wet from feeling him grow in your folds, so you guided him. You bit down as you sunk into him. He scoots up so he can lean on the bed’s headboard and he’s facing you.

     You swirl your hips around him while he’s inside before beginning to bounce on his lap. He watches your figure jiggle deliciously on top of his, but his hands grip at your breasts to hold them in place and lick every inch of them. His tongue teasing your nipples, making you moan and wrap your arms around his neck for support. He nibbles on your skin before his lips reach yours once again. His kisses were slow and passionate as his hands cup your face.

     Every thought that flooded his head just hoped that this would last forever. He really did love you and he hoped that tonight isn’t happening just because you’re drunk. He wanted you and everything that came with you. The worst thing that he could think of is that you would regret telling him that you love him. It would break him.

     His thoughts ran wild throughout his head, but pushed aside from the pleasure he was feeling. He watches you lean back and rest your hands on the tops of his thighs. Your arms resting behind you as you continued to grind and bounce on him. Your body rolling against him to still feel the friction against your sensitive clit.

     Namjoon turned on one of the lamps while you left the room earlier. Silently praising himself over it while he watched your gorgeous body. He began to claw at your waist and push you down further, taking in the last bit of his dick. He guided you to roll around his hips at a constant pace. He couldn’t contain his moan as he watched your pussy drip on him as he fucked you harder. His eyes travel up your body to your face.

     Slightly covered by hair, yet you could still tell you were on your last strings. Eyes screwed shut and biting your lips closed. Your mouth opened as your moans turned into cries. You were so close and he quickened his pace to watch you release on him.

     “Cum, baby. Let go,” he croaks in a low tone.

     You rub into him quickly until you feel yourself squirt all over him, dripping down his thighs and stomach. Your head falls back with your eyes screwed shut. You cry out from the intense pleasure until you feel him yank out of you quickly.

     He holds his dick in his hands as his cum falls over his fingers. He looks at you with wide eyes as he says, “Jesus I didn’t want to pull out— almost came in you.” You laugh in response as you wipe up his mess, taking the cloth out of your hands to wipe it up.

     “Do you-“

     “Shh...wait,” he interrupts by placing his finger against your lips. You both stare at each other in complete silence. The key part: silence. “Perfect. They’re done fucking. Let’s go join the party,” Namjoon starts to pull his clothes back on.

     Gulping back your nervousness, you join him by putting your clothes back on as well. “When I went down there, there was no one but Chloe so I think they went back over to Jungkook’s again,” you comb your fingers through your hair to tame the messiness. He stands behind you and watches you in the mirror, admiring how beautiful you looked even when you weren’t trying. He wrapped his arms around your waist to dip down, leaving a kiss on your cheek.

     “You’re so cute,” he smiles at you.

     You wrinkle your nose at him from the compliment. “No, I look like the definition of fucked up.” You looked at yourself in the mirror. Mascara crumbling and smeared down your cheeks, lipstick sucked off, and hair a frizzy mess.

    He laughs and shakes his head. “Come on. You look great,” he holds out his hand for you to grab. You made sure to wipe your under eyes clean before taking his hand. Your nerves are shown through your worrisome eyes and Namjoon can read right through it.

     “Hey, listen we can do this. But remember, the gap in the door is a separate reality. You may feel confident in us behind closed doors, but you need to be able to feel that same confidence outside. The only me is me. Are you sure the only you is you? You have to live like it, because at the end of the day, who cares what people are going to think?” He rubs your shoulders to comfort you before taking your hand again. 

     The first thing you saw when you walked over to Jungkook’s party was Chloe cuddled up at Jungkook’s side. The sight of them holding hands and kissing made your eyes almost pop out of your sockets. You walk over to her with Namjoon behind you.

     “What’s this?” you yell over the music.

     “We’re, like, dating now! Crazy right?” A smile grows on her face. Jungkook hugs her to his side as he talks to his friends.

     “Well...” you trail off as you look back at Namjoon. His smile widens as he meets eyes with you, he knows that you’re finally going to rip off the bandaid you both have had on your relationship. Now was the perfect time to finally start being everything you both wanted to be. You look back at Chloe who still had her goofy smile planted on her face. You clear your throat before saying,”Namjoon and I have been kinda...dating for awhile now.”

     Chloe’s mouth drops and she whispers in Jungkook’s ear that she’ll be right back. He let’s go of her waist and she pulls you aside. “Are you serious?” her eyes scan across your face, waiting for the joke’s punchline.

     You nod, ashamed that you didn’t tell her sooner.

     “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me?” she questions.

     “I don’t know. Scared of judgement, drama, people butting into something that isn’t their business,” you bite your cheek. You dug yourself a hole by not telling anyone.

     She scoffs and crosses her arms. “Why would I judge you? You’re my best friend,” attitude ringing in her voice, she was clearly offended that her own best friend would hide something like that with her.

     “I- listen. I was just scared. You know me, I’m not the type to be in a relationship. I thought they just weren’t my thing, but he’s different. He makes me so happy. I thought that if people knew about us, then it would change things between us. And I like how we have been, but I think I’m ready to take it to the next step like how he has been.” You spill everything that has been on your mind, hoping it wouldn’t make the situation even worse.

     She pulls you in a hug. “You’re my bitch. You don’t have to be scared to tell me anything. If he makes you happy, that’s all that matters. You guys look cute together, so don’t be scared of what people say. Who cares, they’re probably just jealous anyways,” she shakes your shoulders. “Now go get your man. He’s waiting for you.”

     “Hold up... you and Jungkook though? How did that happen?” you laugh.

     She rolls her eyes as her smile grows on her face once again. “I’ll fill you in tomorrow...trust me.” She spins you around and you can see Namjoon across the room. He looks up at you with admiration and love in his eyes. You both walk back over to your previous places. 

     “How’d it go?” he whispers in your ear. 

     You lean back into him, the weight lifted from your chest. “It went good. Now let’s show everyone that we can’t be fucked with.” You flip around to face him, arms wrapped around his neck. You pull him into a kiss, you felt on top of the world. After that night, he was more than your little secret. 

Requested by: @pjm-com

[andyparxia]

Military

A boy was crying and yelling. “I don't want to go to military when I grow up,” The mother annoyed assured him that since he is only 12, there is still 6 years to go. That is a long time, perhaps in 6 years the rules has changed. Maybe its not a requirement anymore, and more of a choice. The stupid fucking boy stopped crying and thought "perhaps you're right mother, perhaps indeed."

6 years later

The boy now 18 years old was quite miserable going to carpenter school. "I don't want to go to school today," he said to his mother. "Just finish this year and you can do something else," the mother said. Little did he know that there was a surprise for him in the mail box. A letter just for the boy. "Who would send me letters?," the boy thought. He slit open the letter and got quite nervous. "Yikes, its from the government."

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO A BUILDING WHERE WE CAN TEST IF YOU ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE SUBBMITED TO THE MILITARY. IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL LOL" - The Military

PTSD from 6 years ago came rushing down. "Mother was wrong all along" he said. How can a mother be wrong? How can the government do this to a little boy like me? Barely out of the womb and now straight into fucking war.

Day of the testing months later

Lucky for the boy he had legit reason to take a day of school. "I'm so happy I won't get a mark on my day of from school". Only times you have a legit reason and wont get punished at school for it is for testing like these, or funerals. And it did feel like a funeral, the boys freedom had officially died. "My freedom" he cried inside while on the train.

The boy had to follow people that was going to the same place, because he had no fucking clue where to go. He wasn't used to being on the road alone. Eventually they did find the place and the waiting started. Hours later sitting at a very uncomfortable chair someone called his name "ANDRÉ". It was for the doctor. The boy sat down and the doctor asked all kinds of questions. "Any mental problems?" "Any health problems?" "Problems in the family?" Nope nope nope the boy said to it all. "what a dull boy," the doctor probably was thinking. Time for sound test. The Doctor put the boy in a soundproof box and played certain tones. The boy had to click a button for every time he heard a tone. Little did the doc know that this dull little boy was being a little cheeky. He didn't press every time he heard the tone. "that'll show him," the boy badly smiled. "looks good," the doc said happily. "Fuck". The boy was disappointed. Back to the chair with him.

What felt like hours later they gathered all the boys for math tests. "Another chance to fake my results" the cheeky little boy thought. He suddenly noticed that by every random answer on the page, there was a very subtle dot drawn by a pencil. The military had just reused old papers from older contestants. The boy stupidly picked every answer that had the dot and it probably made him look like some math genius. So by picking all the wrong answers he picked the right.. Back to the chair. Hours later he was called in one last time by a dude that asked him all kind of questions. "Do you want to go to the military?". "Fuck no" the boy thought, "No," the boy said. After bunch of questions the boy was free to leave and head home. "I probably wont get called in for military in 1 year time" he thought to himself. Surely my answers was dumb enough for me to not get called in?

One year later.

Another letter in the mail.

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO THE MILLITARY, THE SEA MILITARY SPECIALLY BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU HATE THE SEA AND GET SEASICK VERY FUCKING EASILY. IF YOU DONT GO WE SEND YOU TO JAIL LOL" - The Military.

The boy was not amused. Finally done with school and now to military. 

The day of

The boy couldn't sleep, he only had hours before he had to leave. He got a brilliant idea to watch a 3 hour long new Lynch movie that just came out. So instead of sleeping, he watched a 3 hour long acid trip of a film. Brilliant idea.

The mother was teary eyed knowing she wouldn't see the son for a couple of years. Meanwhile the sleep depraved boy was sure he was coming back soon. "No fucking way I'm staying" he thought. "Told you so" he said to his mother while giving her a hug and off to military with him. 8 hours train ride went quick, he was listening to some bad Dane Cook show while thinking of that fucking film. "What the fuck did I watch".

He arrived at the station. Yet again no idea where to go. The boy found some poor souls that was going to the same camp, together they found the bus and away they went. The camp wasn't far away, 15 minute bus ride. The boy was surprised how local the camp was compared to the city. Like a big playground in the middle of civilisation. But instead of children running around playing, these grown ass men are running around playing war. The gates opened at the first thing he saw was people walking in groups, mighty impressive coordinated groups. Rifles on their shoulders, swinging them around like a show.

The boys got showed around and eventually ended up in a big gym. Bags in the floor while police and dogs sniffed out for drugs. Even though the boy was clean he was still nervous that the dog found something. Couple stoners was sweating beside him, and the dog barked. The boy was jealous of the stoners, "lucky them" he thought. They can leave and he was stuck here. After the drug sniffing, all the boys was pushed to the cinema of the camp. There they had to wait for all the other people getting sniffed out. A film were showing the the people waiting, it was "The Hills Have Eyes 2" from 2007. The boy found it a bit weird to sit in a cinema in a military camp watching a film with gore and people getting raped, but it was what it was.The film turned off suddenly. All the boys were done getting sniffed. Everyone was now in the cinema. 

"PEOPLE THAT ARE STAYING SIT IN ROW 1-3". "PEOPLE THAT HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO LEAVE, GO SIT IN ROW 4 AND UP" a dude yelled. "Oh fuck what do I do? I don't want to stay, but I have no legit reason to stay other than a note from the doctor that say that I have "snapping hips"". “Fuck it”, the boy went to row 4 and sat down. Luckily a bunch of other people followed suit. They were around 10 all together. "THE PUSSIES, FOLLOW ME", the man yelled (not really but he was 100% thinking it). All the pussy boys follow the man trough the playground. He stopped at a house. "Here you sleep for tonight, tomorrow after breakfast you are going to see a doctor to see if you have a LEGIT reason to leave. Good night." The boys went inside. There were pool tables, tv with news playing. All kinds of fun shit to do. The boy sat in the corner while all the other pussy boys were bitching about how they wanted to leave. This felt good to the boy, knowing there were other boys like him there. 

It was getting late and all the boys went up to the bedroom to sleep. The boy was shocked to see that all the beds did not have the beddings already put on. The boy had never done it himself. He struggled getting it on, so he eventually he had to ask for help. Ashamed the boy went to bed, very quickly falling asleep. A sleep that was quite comfortable and he slept very well. (No kappa).

The next day

A dude with a fucking bell in the hall woke up all the boys. "Time for shower and breakfast". The boy had never showered with other people in his life, he always avoided it like the plague, so he avoided it this time as well. The boy grew more pathetic by the minute. They all went outside to the dining hall, it was dark as fuck. Dark and cold. There was a long line outside of the dining hall. It took about 20 minutes to finally get in, eat stale bread with cheese while listening to a hall for of noise. "I got to get the fuck out," the boy thought. After the food all the pussies got pushed to a building where all the doctors were located. There was a tv in the waiting room playing "Band of Brothers". Nothing more ironic watching people getting blown up in the war on tv in the waiting room of a military camp. Outside the window the boy was watching people doing push ups. "Thank God I'm not one of them, I literally cant even do one push up". DING, the boy got an idea. He has a note from the doctor about snapping hips (Which means that many of his joins snaps every time he moves them in a certain way), which makes push ups and sit ups quite painful. Not to mention that he doesn't shower with other people, because he often got to clean his hairy asshole in a hard way. "Cant bend over like that in the shower in front of people, neither can one go around with poopy asshole", the boy thought. The boy now had an legit excuse. Hairy asshole and snapping hips.

Literally hours later the boy got called in. He now has a plan. "So why do you not want to stay?", the doctor asked. "Well I don't want to shower with other people and I have snapping hips.". "Why don't you want to shower with other people?" the doc asked. "Well I'm very hairy... a certain place." he said. "Most boys are hairy, its very normal" doc laughed. "uhm, I got a hairy asshole", the boy shamefully said. "Oh, and snapping hips, I can write a recommendation to release you." The doctor said. The boy could breath out in relief.. The doctor printed out something, made the boy sign it. "Take this to the gate, show it and wait for your bags to be delivered". The boy shook his hand and walked to the gate. There he met other pussies also waiting, "lucky them" he thought, "Maybe they have hairy assholes as well". 

He waited for his bag and he could finally leave. The boy looked back at the adult playground, smiling at all the grown ass dudes running around like it was important. "So long" the boys menacingly thought. The boy took the bus back to town. He has never felt that free, free to  do whatever (not even 12 years later that feeling has been that strong). No more Military, no more school. He walked around the town in a bliss. Visited a local DVD shop and bought a bunch of DVD's. A imported DVD of Eraserhead was one of them (which he sold 12 years later kind of regretting not keeping it for the memory). He then sat at the station waiting for the train to come, looking at his shiny new DVD's. The train ride back was quite painful, the boy had forgot to take a piss this whole trip, and a cute looking lady was sitting beside him blocking the way. Better not disturb the lady and just be in pain instead. Eight hours later he texted his sister to ask come get him, not even telling his parents of his arrival. A funny prank he thought. The sister drove him home and he ringed the bell. "I'm home", he said. The parents was probably very disappointed learning that they couldn't get that 1 year break away from him, but the boy couldn't care less. The boy can now go back to watch movies and game. And he gamed happily ever after.

[kweebtrash]

Messy (M)

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny (features other members)

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: drugs, alcohol

Word Count: around 16k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose.

Messy Masterlist   Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

Three months didn’t seem like a long time, especially with how fast summers usually flew by, but it felt like ages since my last hook up. Most of the guys in my “little black book” were away for the summer while I remained stuck in my stupid college town, holed up in my tiny apartment, only going out to suffer at my mediocre job. Meanwhile, my roommate had Tinder hookups out the ass and was gone almost every other night. I guess I couldn’t complain too much. I had always been pickier than them and maybe, just maybe, I had gotten used to my steady rotation of boy toys. Sooner or later I would have to break the cycle especially since there wasn’t any guarantee that I would see them this semester. Half of them still lived in the dorms because of the exchange student program which sometimes but a hamper on our hookups. I would probably have to get a new bunch to play around with and maybe once in awhile I could hit up an old fling or two when i was really bored. But right now I was suffering and unfortunately craving what I hadn’t had in months. A vibrator or my hand could only do so much. With my upcoming class schedule I felt like i wasn’t even going to have time for hookups no matter how badly I wanted them.

it was the first weekend of the new semester and already I was having sad and pathetic thoughts about my sex life. Thankfully, they were interrupted by my evening alarm going off. Since last semester, I had gotten into the habit of listening to student radio every Friday at midnight. Normally I would never take interest in radio as it was boring, uninteresting, and doused with political commentary but one show had caught my attention.  It was pretty stereotypical; a steady rotation of songs, promoting local music shows, really annoying and irritatingly stupid comments and banter. Nothing too special- except for their voices. It was why I wasted many a nights in my room thrusting whatever instrument of pleasure inside me while I thought how good that voice would sound in my ear while the owner was fucking me from behind. I don’t know why I was so wrapped up in the way it sounded. I just knew the deep and husky tone was the most sensual thing I had ever heard.

I clicked on the radio app and gave it some time, letting the hosts mull over their introductions (the most annoying part) and settle into their planned topics. In between songs, i closed my eyes waiting for his voice to return before slowly creeping my hand into my pajama shorts. His laugh would send tingles throughout my body and I could always tell when he got closer to the microphone. I could hear his shallow breaths, soft clicks of his tongue, and that small hissing sound he made as he sucked air between his teeth when he was thinking about something. There was usually a little ‘hmm’ afterwards and i basically realized I had spent way to much fucking time thinking about it and way too much time jacking off to a disembodied voice that possibly could have belonged to someone ugly and no where near my type. Not that I had planned to meet him anyway but it would have been nice to put a hot face to the even hotter voice to fuel my wet dreams. The hour seemed to fly by and just at the tail end of their outro i came hard, his smooth chuckle fueling the quick circles I made to my clit while my other hand thrusted inside me. My back fell against the mattress, coming down from the small arch i made as I regained my breath. I sighed deeply, realizing i had to get up eventually to wash my hands. I exited out of the radio app and slowly peeled myself from the bed, tossing on my shorts to shuffle out to the bathroom.

My roommate, Quinn, was already sitting on the sofa in the living room, bowl of cereal in hand. “Did you jerk off to the radio show again?”

I threw my head back and sighed, cursing the day that I told them about my secret. Though we shared the same thrill of pleasuring ourselves to the pair of voices, I still felt a little embarrassed about it. “Yes Quinn. I did. Thank you very much for asking.”

“I mean, same. Got 3 out before the half hour mark.” They slurped the milk from the bowl and crunched away at the cereal, absentmindedly watching food shows on our modest sized tv.

“Jesus Christ.” I shook my head at their physical capacity, slightly jealous, but i guess i was more about quality over quantity. “We really gotta stop doing this. It’s kinda sad.” I half joked as i kicked the door to the bathroom partway shut and sat on the toilet.

“Not really. Besides I’m prepping for this semester.”

“Prepping for what? To sleep with everyone on campus?” I laughed.

“Precisely.” They responded in between another round of crunches. “Oh, by the way, Lucas just texted me about a party tomorrow. Well tonight. Want to go?”

“Who’s party is it?” I finished and washed my hands, shaking off the excess water as i headed over to the couch. I plopped down beside them.

“I don’t know. He just said it was some people he met over the welcoming weekend activity thingy. I guess they work for the radio station or something. Anyway, can we go? I wanna drink!” Quinn said.

“You mean, you want me to be D.D. while you and Lucas get hammered and I’m stuck dragging you two home again? No thank you.”

“Aww, c’mon! It’s not always like that! We let you have fun! Pllleeeaassseeeee! What if there’s hot guys there? Oh what if those radio guys are the ones Lucas met!” They gasped and stood up suddenly. “What if we could fuck the hot radio guys?!”

“Oh my god. How about we don’t and say we did? Besides, what if they're gross? I don’t have time for that significant of a let down.”

“Don’t be so mean. People with voices that hot are bound to be good looking.”

“Call me a shallow bitch because I hope to god so but knowing Lucas, they're probably some dumb frat fuckboys and I SEVERELY don’t have time for that. Regular fuckboys are fine, but fraternity ones are the devil.” I sighed and set my feet on the coffee table.

“Well you won’t know until you find out! Please? Please? Please? Please? Pleeeaasseeee?” They whined. “If all else fails you can just hook up with Lucas again!”

I groaned and rolled my eyes far back into my skull. “Fine! Fine. I will take you and Lucas to this party. But if ya’ll get drunk I am leaving you there. Point blank.”

“Ok. Ok. I promise I will try to not get black out drunk this time. I’ll behave.”

I scoffed, knowing damn well that promise wouldn’t be kept and I would still be dragging their ass home at three am with Lucas in my backseat. Suddenly I heard my phone ping from in my room, signaling that I had received a text message. I hauled myself up from the couch with a groan and grabbed it from atop my bed. Well, speak of the devil.

Dumbass Baby Lucas: wyd?

--

I woke up sometime in the late afternoon with Lucas’ arm strewn across my face and him snoring into one of my pillows. I pushed his arm off me and felt around the floor for my phone, groaning as I felt the soreness of my thighs which was  partly from the exertion and partly because i had to be squished to the edge of my small bed to accommodate Lucas’ giant frame. I managed to find my phone and turn the screen on, wincing at the bright light that illuminated my face. I sighed softly, realizing I had to get up at some point, take a shower, eat, and be at least semi productive. Otherwise I would stay home and just fuck Lucas some more and my body needed a few hours to recover before the party. Suddenly I felt his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me close to his warm broad chest. He was always such a cuddler.

“It’s 4 in the afternoon.” I mumbled.

“Yeah, so?” He replied, partly muffled as his lips were buried in the crook of neck and shoulders. “Party’s not until later, we have all day.”

“i would like to get up and eat something at some point in time. And shower. Which you should too. You smell funky.”

“Can we shower together?” I could feel the smirk imprinting my skin.

“You know damn well we cant. As soon as we get in there you won’t keep your hands to yourself and I wont actually get clean.”

“You know i hate keeping my hands to myself. Besides I missed you. You've been stuck here and I couldn't fuck you or Quinn all summer!”

“Boohoo, you big baby. You'll be fine without one shower fuck.” I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, yawning deeply. I shone my phones flashlight on the floor so I could guide my way to my room’s lightswitch when something caught my eye. “Lucas.” I growled.

He let out a childish groan. “Whaaaattt?”

“Didnt i tell you to throw the condoms IN the trashcan?”

“I did!”

“No, you didn’t. You threw them on the floor and now they’re all over my carpet!” I gave his bicep a hard whack. “Get up and clean it!”

He held his arm wincing at the sharp sting. “Ok! Ok! I’m going!”

I turned on the light and grabbed my robe, pulling it on and shuffling out to the kitchen. Quinn was attempting to make breakfast, the smell of burning bread and melting cheese in the air. They took one look at me and shook their head. “Why are you so grumpy? Your dry spell is over no?”

“Lucas didn’t throw any of the condoms in the trashcan that’s literally right beside the bed and they're all over the floor now.”

“Eww, like the used ones?”

“Yes. Cum and all. Go handle your dumbass best friend before I strangle him.”

“Ok, I’m going. Just watch my grilled cheese.” Quinn sighed as they put the spatula down and trudged over to my room. I looked over the grilled cheese, nudging it with the spatula and checking the underside. Way overdone. I sighed and grabbed a plate from the cabinet, sliding the sandwich onto it before retreating to our fridge. It was the end of the month which meant no food as always. The last of the cheese gone. I looked over at the two ends of bread left in the bag on the counter. Last of the bread gone. My stomach growled loudly and i slammed the fridge shut. I didn’t have money but if I begged hard enough I could convince Quinn to let me use their credit card to buy pizza.

I went back to my room, almost kicking the door open as I heard Lucas’ pouty puppy whine which was probably the result of not getting enough cuddles this morning. He was always so needy when he was sleepy. 

“How much money you got?” i asked.

Lucas had gathered the condoms in his hand, finally tossing them in the trash before wiping his hand on his thigh. “Uh...i mean like i got my refund check?”

“No I meant Quinn. How much money do you have on your credit card. I’m hungry, there’s no food, and I need pizza and another 6-pack. I’m running low since Lucas’ drank most of them last night.”

“I have enough. Don’t worry.” They replied.

“I’ll give you money for them i swear!” Lucas interjected. “Or maybe more head? For like a week straight?”

“Head doesn't get me tipsy Lucas. But you can still do that if you want.” I smirked before turning to Quinn. “Can you order it please? I want to shower first.”

“Yeah, yeah...i burnt my dang sandwich anyway.”

“Sweet.” I grabbed my towel from the hook behind my door and shuffled over to the bathroom, feeling the looming presence behind me. “Lucas.” I said sternly.

“I have to pee! Cant I pee?!”

I glared back at him. “Fine. But get out once you're done.” i tossed off my robe and stepped into the shower, yanking the curtain harshly so i could block his view of me. I was ready to have the cool water on my skin to wipe away all the sticky sweat from my body. It was already too hot today.

“Where's the toothbrush i keep here?” he asked after flushing.

“In the medicine cabinet” i grumbled. “Where it's always at.”

I set myself right under the spray of water letting it flow over my hair. My purple dye was looking more like a grayish lavender, making me frown. I was going to look like a hot mess at the first party of the year. Wonderful. Suddenly, Lucas’ hand was in the shower, holding my toothbrush and toothpaste in his fist. He scared the shit out of me but i took them anyway, grateful to get morning breath and the taste of his dick out my mouth.

“When does this stupid party start?” I asked between scrubbing my teeth.

“Whenever we wanna go.” He pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower making me groan.

“What did i just say?”

He kissed my cheek before picking me up and moving me to the other end of the tub. “Whatever. You love me.” He stuck himself under the shower head while i leaned against the tiled wall in the cold spot.

“Hurry up and get out so i can finish.” I nudged him so he would move out of the trajectory of my toothpaste clouded spit.

“I will.” he said, stepping out of the way. “Quinn and I have got some catching up to do anyway.” He winked at me before leaning over to get the bar of soap in the shower caddy beside me. “You could join us if you want.”

“Not today. Too tired for that.”

“Boo, you're no fun.” He gave me a quick kiss but hovered a little longer by my lips.

“I think the ‘Oh fuck, Eri! SHIT! YES!YES!OH GOD FUCK YES!’ said otherwise, no? Loud ass.” I gave him a slower kiss this time, cupping his chin in my hand while his instantly went to my ass, grabbing it harshly and pulling me closer.

“Are you sure we cant have a little fun in the shower?” he whispered. He placed soft kisses all over my neck and chest making his way lower until he was onto his knees. I saw his brown puppy dog eyes look up at me and he knew i couldn't resist.

“Fine. But just a little bit, ok?” I held his head close as he dove between my thighs, sighing softly as he did what he knew how to do best.

--

Lucas practically ran to the back of the apartment building following the sound of obnoxiously loud music. There were sliding doors that were wide open letting people flow in and out of the first floor apartment to the community pool close by. Wafts of smoke circled the party goers as they chugged bottles of beer, laughing and dancing as they went. “Hurry up!” Lucas called out to Quinn and I. Quinn was a bit faster and more enthusiastic while I took my time, shifting around someone who was already too drunk to function. It was only 10:30 too.

I finally stepped into the apartment, instantly annoyed by the smell of cheap weed and the remixed versions of some top 40 hits blaring from a macbook and speaker hookup. Before i could even make a complaint Lucas was shoving a bottle of apple ale into my hand while Quinn scoped out the party for their next target. “I'm gonna go find the guys I met. I'll be right back!” Lucas screamed over the music. I nodded and waved him off, my eyes honing in at the free bar stool by the kitchen counter. Quinn had followed Lucas leaving me on my own as usual.

I sat down on the bar stool and sipped my ale slowly, having to pace myself in order to be able to drive everyone home. I rested my chin on my hand as i scrolled through my instagram, already yawning and wanting to go back to bed. Even though i slept for about 12 hours i had still spent the night tossing and turning and getting woken up to wandering fingers between my thighs. I took another sip and double tapped my screen, liking some random makeup pic. I barely even noticed the person slide beside me until a plastic shot glass was waved in my face. I moved my head back, surprised at the intrusion before I saw who was offering it. Fuuuuuccckk.

“Well if it isn't my favorite kitten. I didn't know you'd be here.”

“Hi, Ten.” I groaned. He nudged the shot glass towards me again and I took it, knowing i would need it for this conversation.

“Almost didn't recognize you without your collar on.”

“You took the leather one back home, remember?” I rolled my eyes and tossed the shot back, wincing at the burn. “I got stuck with the pink one with the giant bell. Which is not subtle at all by the way.”

“Who said anything about wanting to be subtle?” he took a sip from his solo cup and tapped his fingers on the plastic. “You're my kitten after all.”

“And you’re my puppy whenever you want to not be a brat.” I stole his cup and tossed back a heavy gulp. “What the fuck are you even drinking?” I asked, feeling the sweet and sour taste on my tongue.

“Jungle juice. Whatever favor the purple one is. Anyway...so what's your semester look like?”

“Want to see when I can pencil you in to fuck?” I stated flatly knowing that he wasn't one to beat around the bush.

“Yep.”

“You still rooming with Yuta?”

“What about Yuta?” An arm was tossed around my shoulder and i was pulled into Yuta's chest without warning.

“Is everyone i've ever fucked here??” i almost screamed. Yuta and Ten both looked around.

“Well, there's me, Ten, Taeyong, Lucas and uh….Jungwoo.”

My eyes went wide. “You're shitting me. Please tell me Jungwoo is not actually here.”

“Oh you better believe it.” Ten smirked. “You're number one heartbreaker, honey. Congrats on still being the source of his vendetta for almost the third year in a row.”

“More drinks please. I can't do this right now.” I rubbed my temples while Yuta just laughed at me. Ten retreated to the kitchen, wiggling his smaller frame through some people and filling up a cup with another flavor of jungle juice.

“Aww, Eri. Don't pout. He's just going to hate you for all eternity that's all.” Yuta dug his hand into the bowl of chips in front of me, shoveling them into his mouth. “So like…” He paused to chew and swallow. “When can i tie you up again?” He didn't even look me in the eye when he asked, just took another sip of his beer.

“Gee, i dont know. I had a dry spell for the entire summer and now suddenly everyone I've ever fucked is at this party and i have to get a planner for my dick appointments.” I kinda laughed, trying my best to loosen up. I especially couldn't resist Yuta's smile that made me feel as if the sun radiated from him.

“You complaining about how much you get laid now? When has that ever been a problem for you?” He leaned in closer, his lips dangerously close to mine. I pulled away before he could sneak the kiss that he wanted.

“i'm not complaining, i guess I'm just a busy person after all. Still got it.” I smirked as Yuta nudged me.

“We fuck you because of your devil vagina magic and because you do just about everything.”

“Ok, first of all, it's not devil vagina magic. Second of all, am i the one who had a fucking machine in his dorm room last year? No.”

“Yeah but you're one it got used on.” Ten interrupted. He set my cup in front of me while he and Yuta put me between them like some sort of kink sandwich.

“Yes, thank you for your input, Ten.” I could feel my cheeks flushing as I remembered that wild session that lasted over six hours.

“Dont you mean ‘sir’?” Yuta chimed in.

I set my head on the counter top and groaned. “Why do ya'll always have to torture me??”

“But baby, i thought you loved getting tortured! I mean that's why you end up up tied and gagged at our place right?”

I whacked Ten upside the head. “AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT TEN. I don't need to be reminded about what we do.”

“Or maybe you do?” Yuta smirked. “Hows next friday sound?”

“Hmm, maybe not Friday. I think I want her on Thursday. What if you take her on Saturday?”

“I could do Saturday.”

“I'm so glad you both are taking what I want into consideration.” I said sarcastically. “Anyway, Thursday and Saturday is fine. Bring your best shit. We’ve got to start the year off right.” I slid off the bar stool, taking my drink with me and leaving both my doms behind. Playing hard to get and being a brat was my favorite past time with them. I didn’t even take a look back as I exited the apartment, though the temptation was definitely there.

Outside wasn’t much better. It was still hot as hell for the beginning of September and with so many people packed into a small space it made everything hotter. I could feel the sweat start to bead on my forehead. I fanned at my face wishing i had some ice in my solo cup. Across from the pool, I could see my one night stand Taeyong eyeing me though I tried my best to ignore his hungry stare. I also tried not to think about how he pressed me against the door of the empty student affairs office and fucked me so hard it had started to rattle. It wasn't bad at all. In fact it was incredibly hot but we just never talked about it after and I didn't crave him as much. It was a simple fling but maybe he didn't think of it that way. I had been mostly occupied with Ten, Yuta and Lucas for the rest of last semester anyway. Oh and that whole actually going to college thing.

I sunk back against the rough brick of the building, trying to ignore Taeyong and instead scanned the area to see if i could spot Lucas or Quinn. No luck with that.

“Did you come here by yourself?” I heard a quiet voice say beside me.

I looked over at the guy scrunched against the wall, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. He was gorgeous to say the very least. His jawline was from the gods, his eyes were the most perfect almond shape, and his flaming red hair suited his golden skin so well. As soon as i saw his lips pressed against the rim of his cup i knew i wanted to kiss him. “H-huh?” was all i could really manage to say and i hoped to all hell he didn't notice me staring.

“Oh, sorry.” He spoke a little louder. “Did you come here by yourself? You looked like you were trying to get away from the party.”

“No, i'm not by myself but my friends ditched me. I can't find them. I also ran into some...uh...people i knew but i needed a break from socializing.”

“I'm the same, but...were kinda socializing now.” He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat for a moment. He was definitely going to be my next mistake. I took a long slow sip of my drink before it finally clicked in my head that I should actually introduce myself.

“I'm um-” Shit, what was my name? “Eril- Eri. Just Eri.”

“I'm Taeil. I haven't seen you around before. You go to our college, right?”

“Yep, suffering and in debt like everyone else. Im in journalism so maybe it's because im stuck at the way back of campus with all the writing buildings that we haven’t seen each other before. It's basically a dungeon. I'm trapped.” I let out a bit of nervous laughter which he reciprocated. I figured he was the shy type and I had normally stayed away from those. Too many reminders that I was a shitty heartbreaker. But he was cute and I liked his smile. That was what usually got me in trouble anyway. Taeil was a breath away from responding when the sound of Lucas’ booming voice interrupted us.

“ERI!”

“There you are, you ass.” I was at least relieved that he had found me. “You guys left me all by myself like always. Where the hell is Quinn?” I turned back momentarily to Taeil. “Sorry, i'm babysitting him. He's like a lost puppy.”

Taeil replied with a strained smiled and tipped his cup all the way back. Before i could even say anything else Lucas was dragging me away, his big hand around my arm preventing me from even trying to escape. I looked back at Taeil longingly which he returned with a confused expression. I mouthed another apology to him, hoping that i could maybe resume our conversation later (and get his number). Lucas pushed me into a ring of people, two of which i'd never met before. They were all passing around a blunt, the air surrounding them so thick with smoke that it was almost burning my eyes. I coughed and looked up at Lucas. “Why'd you bring me here?”

He put his arm around me and lowered himself to my ear. “That's Johnny and Jaehyun. The hosts of that radio show you love so much.” He said the tail end of that sentence with such a teasing tone that i just knew Quinn had told him about what we did when we listened to their voices. But now that voice was in front of me and my worst nightmare had turned into the best wet dream. I thought Taeil had made my heart stop  when I saw him but I was fucking deceased when I looked at Johnny. He was tall with shoulders like a goddamn linebacker. His biceps looked absolutely perfect to grab onto while he plowed into me. And though i wasn't much of a fan of smoking the way he exhaled from his full lips gave me goosebumps.

“Well, aren’t you going to talk to him?” Lucas smirked.

“And say what? Let me suck your dick?”

“I mean, it's what you want, isn’t it?”

“Shut up.” i said bitterly as I shifted my weight and stared into my mostly empty cup, trying my best not to drool over Johnny.

“Hey, i'm a good friend and I'm doing you a solid. You need to have some more fun. I mean with someone besides me. Though we can still do that later tonight, if you want.” He followed up his half assed flirtatious statement with a wink.

“For your information, Ten and Yuta are already lined up for next week. But i’m sure you'll come knocking on my door too.”

“Always. You still owe me and Quinn a threesome.”

“We'll see.” I shrugged and finally turned my eyes up. Johnny had been looking at me- or rather looking at my figure-his eyes mostly resting on my thighs. I adjusted the band of my thigh highs self consciously, wondering if he was thinking about my legs wrapped around him like i was. My teeth were starting to dig into my bottom lip as i tried to not focus on those thoughts. Our eyes met again and instead of saying anything he just offered the blunt to me, which i denied. He shrugged, and instead passed it over to Jaehyun who was more than happy to take another hit. Quinn was beside Jaehyun, seeming to already be plotting how to get Johnny's partner in crime into bed. I knew they would convince him soon enough and i'd have to find a way to get them out of his bed in time for us to leave. Lucas had resumed his nature as a social butterfly, ignoring me to settle into another conversation. Everyone had seemed to be paired off now except Johnny and I. He took a sip from the beer bottle in his hand, a quick flash of disappointment on his face as he realized it was empty.

“Fuck.” i saw him mouth. He looked over at me, leaning in close with his hand resting on my lower back. “Want another drink?” He said into my ear.

“N-no um...i'm good. Gotta drive back so...i'm trying to pace myself.”

“That fucking sucks. This is the first party of the year. You should be blackout drunk.”

“Yeah, i’m not a freshman anymore, so that's so not happening.” I chuckled.

“Come get another beer with me then?” he asked which i agreed to a little too eagerly.

He lead the way, wrapping his hand around mine so we wouldn't get separated from the constantly moving crowd. My hand seemed to disappear within his fingers which made me want to melt into a puddle. Big hands were an absolute weakness of mine. We flowed into the kitchen that was even more crowded now as someone had brought in a few more cases of beer and the last of the jungle juice was escaping the pitcher into used cups. Johnny reached into the fridge and got another bottle, pulling his keys out from the pocket of his basketball shorts and flicking the top off with the bottle opener keychain. We moved towards the back of the kitchen to have some room away from the crowd. He didn't say anything, just sipped his drink slowly as i watched his adam's apple bob with each swallow. A partygoer asked us to move so they could reach the trash can behind Johnny. When he complied I was suddenly between his 6 foot tall frame and the wall. His hand rested way above my head as he nodded towards the partygoer with a tight lipped smile. My fingers dug into my own cup, crushing the plastic ever so slightly as i looked up at him. I was rarely nervous to be around a guy no matter how much their smiles, sultry voices, or tall bodies affected me. I had to remind myself that men were toys to me, a way to feign confidence and still get what I wanted. No strings attached with the joy of playing hard to get and emotionally unavailable.

But Johnny was making me feel different and I hated it. I wanted to crush it like an empty beer can and toss it in the trash and never think about it again. Except now he was looking down at me and i couldn't help but notice how the fluorescent lighting of the kitchen caught his brown eyes and turned them into the color of warm honey. If i was a puddle before when he held my hand i was a river now creeping closer to being an ocean and losing a grip on myself.

“What's your name?” He spoke at last.

“Eri...just Eri. You're from the uh….radio show? Lucas told me about you. Well that you guys met…”

He shrugged. “Yeah, he's cool or whatever. He reminds me of how I used to be when I first started college. You friends with him or something?”

“To say the very least.” I laughed nervously and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. Johnny tipped his bottle over, spilling some of his beer into my empty cup.

“So you fuck him? He your boyfriend?”

“God no. I mean i do fuck him but he's not my boyfriend.” I took a sip of the beer, instantly regretting it. The disgusting bitterness reminded me of regurgitated piss in a bottle but my mind was making me keep up my aloof appearance and i forced myself to drink more.

“Cool…Thought i'd ask just in case.”

“Just in case?” I swallowed thickly, knowing exactly what he was insinuating.

“Mhm...just in case.” He lowered his head, reaching down to my level, and pressed our lips together. No other words exchanged, just the feeling of the soft skin on skin, melding together in a way that wasn't sloppy or rough but rather a slow and sensual torture. I wanted to push him away; i even pressed my hands against his chest but my body failed to do it. He stepped a bit closer, his bottle free hand coming to cup my chin as his tongue pushed past my lips. I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and instead kept my hands on his chest, feeling his muscles underneath his thin tank top. My nails dug into him slightly and i could feel the quietest of moans reverberate against my tongue. The way he overwhelmed my mouth had me being dragged back in, over and over, until i was breathless and lightheaded. When he finally parted from me, he stepped back as if nothing had happened. He resumed the need to quench his thirst, momentarily dragging his thumb over his lips and looking at it-presumably to check if i had left lipstick behind.

“What was that?” I asked, definitely confused about how he just kissed me and was acting like it didn't phase him at all while i was feeling like i was crashing down from cloud 9.

“What? Don't act like you've never made out with someone at a party before.” He said simply.

Of course I had, plenty of times but never with someone who's voice i had dreamt about for nights on end. Even though I had connected my fantasy to real life and he had kissed me, I still had to see him as just a voice. I had to keep him at a distance to avoid drowning in him. He also had solidified his stereotype of a party fuckboy only looking for one thing. I couldn't be too mad at him. My list of one night stands was ever growing as well but he was kinda being a douche about it. “I've done a lot of things at parties but-”

“Good, then you know how this goes.”

I wanted to deck him right in that perfect pouty mouth of his. And worst of all, it made me want to fuck him even more. My ability to respond was tossed aside as someone he knew came over and they exchanged loud greetings, slapping each others hands before caving into a ‘no homo' bro hug. His care for me seemed to have been thrown out, leaving me stuck in a corner. I quickly texted Quinn, hoping they weren't sucking face (or dick) as of yet and we could meet up. Johnny continued talking, his radio personality showing through more than when he was with me. I mulled over my next move- to ditch Johnny or wait until he was done talking to see if i could get another breathtaking kiss.

I gave my phone one last check to see if Quinn had responded before pushing myself off the wall and moving through the kitchen. My chest slightly brushed against him as i squeezed past. Taking a quick glance back, I caught him watching me from over his friend’s shoulder. I tossed my hair back and kept walking, smirking to myself a bit. He could chase after me if he wanted but i wasn’t going to wait. I made my way towards the sliding doors, ready to return outside when I was surprised to see another boy I knew. Luckily, he was one that I hadn't slept with. Instead, Doyoung was one of my good friends. Usually he was the one to reel me back in when I got lost in sex filled hazes and needed to concentrate on my life, my job, and school. Having me as a friend was never easy when you had to be the voice of reason. I had never actually seen him at a party let along drinking. I wanted desperately to go talk to him, especially since I hadn't seen him all summer, but he was sitting next to Jungwoo. I was too much of a coward to go down that road so I settled for a small wave, hoping that I might catch Doyoung’s attention instead. His big bunny eyes zeroed in on me and he waved frantically before making his way over.

“Eri! I missed you!” he said before squeezing me to his chest. I could feel the icy cold glass of his beer bottle between my shoulder blades as he held me.

“I did too but more importantly what are you doing drinking?”

He blushed and hid the bottle behind his back, feigning innocence. “Me? Drink? No way! This is uh...um...you know, soda.”

I poked his shoulder playfully. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You're supposed to be the good one.”

He shrugged and stared down at his shoes. “This was the first time i was ever invited to a party so I thought i'd at least try it. Who did you come with?”

“Lucas and Quinn, the usual. I was babysitting them but Lucas is bouncing around and Quinn has their eyes set on Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun? The guy from the radio show?”

I nodded.

“Ah...tell her to be careful with him. I've heard some stuff about him and Johnny.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow, my interest peaked. “Like…?”

“That they’re notorious for sleeping around.”

“I mean apparently me too. Have you seen who is at this party?” I laughed.

“Yeah but you don’t have that much under your belt. I’ve heard that they’re like in the 30s or higher for the number of people they’ve slept with. They're kinda gross.” Doyoung made a face of disgust before he took another sip of beer. “Just please tell Quinn to be careful. I don’t want her getting hurt.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wanted to hook up with Johnny. He would be even more worried and i needed to do my best to keep an eye out on him now that he was drinking. I couldn’t take care of three drunks all at once. I gave him another hug and sighed. “I promise i'll take care of them. And i need you to promise me you wont get too crazy with those beers.”

“You won’t see me passed out i swear! Anyway, come sit with us. We need to catch up.”

“Uh...Jungwoo's there. It's gonna be weird.” I said, nervously.

“No, no. It's totally fine. Besides Ten and Yuta are there too. Taeyong went to the bathroom for a sec. It'll be fine.”

He took my hand and lead me to the group that had taken over the sofa. Jungwoo left as soon as i sat down much to my dismay. I wasnt surprised though. Doyoung tried his best to make him stay but it didn’t help that Ten and Yuta started teasing me for being a heartbreaker. I rolled my eyes and hit them both while Doyoung tried to tell us to behave like he was our mom, making all of us laugh. Somehow hanging around the people I fucked made me feel better and less miserable at this party. It wasn’t so bad after that and our alcohol fueled antics lasted hours. It was full of flirting, a few neck kisses from Yuta, and cute smiles between me and Taeil once he joined our little group. Ten kept close to me, whispering about his plans for next Thursday. Every once in awhile i would catch Johnny circling around. He was keeping his distance from me but our eyes kept meeting every chance they got. He was making a show of wrapping random girls in his arms, smacking their asses, running his fingers through their hair or pulling them close for a kiss but never completing it. He was being a tease and i didnt know if it was solely for them or to be an asshole to me. We knew we had our eyes on each other. I had to admit the best part was having a bunch of guys lust over me while i pick and choose who i wanted for the evening. Johnny was still top tier in the back of my mind. Those basketball shorts barely left anything to the imagination and I was falling deeper into his thirst trap.

Around 3 am the party had died down leaving just a few of us behind. We had gathered by the pool this time, even though it was after the allowed hours, preferring the cool summer night breeze than the stuffy apartment. I sat on a lawn chair, my mind fuzzy and tingling with the small buzz I had going on. I had continued to down a few more ales, some bourbon, whiskey and 1 terrible harsh shot of vodka. Even though i knew i was going to feel like shit tomorrow and that i was supposed to be driving home, i couldn't help myself. For the moment i had forgotten about Johnny, especially since he was still dipping in and out of view. I had instead turned all my attention towards Taeil who was getting closer and closer to taking me home. His sweet demeanor was taking over and I loved the way his cheeks flushed and how his lips curled into a smile with every one of my coy laughs. He pushed his bright red hair back, pretending he wasn’t noticing how close i was getting to him. I listened intently to how Taeil was going to be a tutor for some core classes at the library and I made sure to put emphasis on the fact that i would be definitely needing his help sooner rather than later. His hand came to rest on my knee, slowly edging towards the band of my black thigh high. I joked about having a school fantasy and hoping he would punish me which sent his hand back to cover his face as he blushed harder. Oh, he was just too damn cute. I scooted the lawn chair closer and took his hands in mine, running my thumbs over his knuckles and wondering what his fingers would feel like down my throat.

“I mean, we dont exactly have to wait until next week. We could...have a little study session of our own tonight. I’m so terrible at math.” i giggled.

Taeil folded our fingers together and cocked his head to the side, leaning in just a bit. “Well i should probably tell you something first…”

“Tell me anything, Tae.” I closed my eyes and waited for his lips but instead i felt a harsh yank on the belt loop of my shorts. Taeil backed away again, releasing my hands instantly and looking up at the person behind me. I craned my head backwards to see Johnny looking down at me. He had yet another blunt in his hand, his eyes looking much redder than the last time I saw him.

“We're playing ‘Strip Never Have I Ever’. You want in?” He sniffed.

“What is ‘Strip Never Have I Ever?” Taeil questioned.

“Basically you say something promiscuous that you haven’t done and everyone who has done that thing takes off an article of clothing.” I explained.

“I think I should sit this one out. I'm not one for getting naked in front of strangers.”

“Come on Taeil. Dont you want to see her naked? Even just a little bit?” Johnny seemed to be glaring at Taeil now, a bit of tension rising between them.

Taeil scoffed. “I'm not like you Johnny. I’d rather take my time.”

“Still playing that innocent shit, huh?” Johnny took another toke, the fingers of his free hand still wrapped in my belt loop, pulling me back towards him.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Johnny scoffed. “Of course you dont.” He rolled his eyes. “You never do.”

“Johnny, your jealous side is showing again.” Taeil set his chin on his hand, a smirk tweaking at the sides of his lips.

“So…are we gonna stop this pissing contest and play or…?” I said, a bit annoyed at their tense banter.

“Yeah, sure babe.” Johnny said as he finally broke the glaring contest between he and Taeil.

I removed Johnny's hands from my shorts and stood up, focusing my attention to the other man. “Would you mind getting me another beer and whatever else is laying around, please?”

He nodded and stood up, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Sure thing. Save me a spot by you. I'll play just because you are.” He headed back towards the sliding doors leading to the apartment leaving Johnny and I by ourselves.

“Dont let him fool you.” Johnny said once Taeil was out of ear shot.

“Oh he's fooling me? Funny. I kinda heard the same thing about you. It also just sounds like you might be jealous.” I crossed my arms under my chest, looking up at him.

“Jealous is hardly the right word. But if you want to be disappointed tonight then go with him.”

“You dont think i’d find you disappointing? Not even in the slightest?” I teased.

“I know you wouldn’t be. I’m not fooling you on anything. You can see for yourself later.” He grabbed a hold of my hip and pulled me closer to him.

“How many girls did you use that line on tonight? The blonde? Both the brunettes? The girl with the orange hair?”

“How many times did you let Yuta kiss your neck? Or let Ten almost try and choke you in front of everyone?”

“He wasn’t going to choke me...that time. But i guess you were watching me as much as i was watching you.” I said, knowing it was the truth.

“I just want to get you out them shorts is all. Who do you think suggested the game?” He winked at me before heading over to our circle of friends who were drunkenly calling out for us to join them. Taeil came back then with some beers and a cup of whatever he had concocted. Our spot was between Ten and Johnny but I had noticed Doyoung swaying while Yuta tried to steady him. I went over to them giving my sweet boy the once over.

“How many has he had? I asked.

“Literally like three beers. He’s such a lightweight.” Yuta teased.

I hit his shoulder gently. “Be nice. Doyoung, do you want to go home with me later? You can sleep on the couch.” I pet back his dark hair as he giggled.

“Im cool, im cool, im coooooolll. I got this!” Doyoung pawed at my hand, willing me away from him. “I'm not a baby, Eri!”

“I'm just worried about you is all. Don't get too crazy.”

“Let him be, you party pooper!” Quinn chimed in.

“You hush! You're already sloshed and I’m surprised you're not already naked.”

“Isn't that what this game is for?” They replied.

I sighed. “I guess I will have three babies to take home tonight.” I booped Quinn on their forehead gently before sitting back in my spot. “Who's starting first then?

“I'll do it!” Quinn offered. “Never have I ever been tied up.”

“Oh come on! Really?!” I said as Ten, Yuta, and I booed at them. Of course we were the easy targets with all the shit we had done together. I tossed off a sneaker while Ten went to take off his collar.

“Nah-uh. Jewelry doesn’t count. Clothes only.” Taeyong interjected.

“Damn, dont be so eager to see me naked.” Ten tossed off his black v-neck while Yuta kicked off a sandal.

Quinn nudged Doyoung signaling him to go but he had such a bad case of the drunken giggles it took him minutes to compose himself and think of something. I resisted the urge to facepalm as i watched him. “Doyoung, honey. Go lay down.” I pleaded.

“No! I got it! Never have i ever s-smoked weed!” He burst into another round of giggles before Jaehyun scoffed.

“That's fuckin’ wack! Here.” Jaehyun took the blunt out of Johnny’s hand and handed it over to Doyoung. “Inhale and hold it in for a bit.”

“No! No! Dont you dare!” I blocked Jaehyun from passing the blunt over. “Hes already drunk from a few beers. He's gonna lose it from one toke. Just take off your clothes so we can move onto Yuta.”

“You first.” He snapped back at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “It doesn’t apply to me, jackass.”

“Well maybe if you smoked a bit too then you wouldn’t be so bitchy. Let him have fun.”

“Why dont you fucking eat my ass, dipshit.”

“Wait no, can you please do that to me instead?” Quinn said suddenly.

“Will ya'll shut up and get back to the game? Doyoung’s smoking anyway.” Yuta snorted before falling into a laughing fit himself. While i had been fighting with Jaehyun, Doyoung had stolen the outstretched blunt and inhaled deeply. I could tell the moment he felt the burning in his chest. His eyes watered as he sputtered and coughed. Jaehyun cackled as he took the blunt back, getting in a hit of his own.

“You sure you don’t want any, goodie two shoes?” Jaehyun offered again.

“Id rather not.” I flicked his snapback off his head. “There. One article of clothing down. Yuta, please go before I strangle him.” I scooted back to my spot, a permanent pout on my face.

“You need to chill out.” Johnny whispered as he leaned in close to me. “You’re so tense. You know what would help with that?”

“Having my friend returned home safely and not passed out in his own-”

“Never have i ever had office sex!” Yuta exclaimed.

My mouth hung open, the rest of my statement dissipating in the air.

“Oohhh he got you and Taeyong!” Ten laughed. “Take it off, baby! Take it off!”

“Did you two really fuck in an office?” Jaehyun asked, staring at Taeyong and I. “Where even at?”

I chucked off my other shoe and grumbled as Taeyong pulled his shirt over his head. “Office of student affairs last semester.” he answered.

“Well damn, student affairs is right.” Johnny laughed.

I shrugged. “Shit goes down in offices and so does Taeyong.” There was a chorus of ‘ooohs’ as Taeyong gave me the finger.

“Fuck off. I made the door shake, didnt i?”

“It was up against the door??” Taeil asked, surprised.

Dammit, I really didn’t need him to hear my history now. Yuta was out to get me, Doyoung was already fucked up, Taeil was going to find out all the dirty things I’d done with almost everyone in this group and it was only the 4th round. Ten cleared his throat as I dodged Taeils question even though he was poking my side to tease me.

“Settle down children, settle down. I got a semi decent one. It’s easier to think about what i have done instead what i haven't. Anyway, never have I ever had like slow or sensual sex.”

“What!? That's a fuckin’ lie. Even i've done that. What about your first time?” Lucas interjected.

Ten shrugged. “Nope. Not really. I wasn’t nervous so we just kinda...did it. So, come on. Give something up.” Most everyone lost an article of clothing. I was curious to see that Taeil had only lost a shoe during the weed round but didnt remove anything else this time around, which meant he was either just as kinky as Ten or a complete virgin. I didn’t see him as the latter so my interest was extremely peaked at this point.

“Aren’t you going to take something off?” I asked him, returning his teasing notion.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” He winked at me and i couldn’t help but giggle as I felt the blush start to creep back into my cheeks. I tried to hide it by busying myself with trying to get one of my thigh highs off and deflect my infiltrating thoughts of a kinky Taeil when i felt Johnny's hand over mine.

“Leave those for last.”

“What for?” I asked, barely looking back at him.

He smirked and rubbed his thumb gently across my thigh. “I like them. They look good on you.”

“You're going to have to do some better convincing than that.”

Johnny grabbed the collar of his tank top and pulled it over his head leaving him bare chested and my mouth watering. I drank in each muscle he had on his torso, wanting to kiss every inch of him and follow that cute little happy trail to what was under his shorts. I was silently begging to get more rounds in as soon as possible.

“Convinced yet?” he asked, cockily..

I rolled my eyes, pretending that it was such a hassle for me to leave my socks for last. However, I stood up and undid the buttons of my high waisted shorts, shimmying them down my thighs before kicking them behind me. I adjusted my lacy black panties, feeling all eyes on me.

“Why is there even a bow on the back?” Taeyong asked.

“Because my ass is a present, thanks.”

“Gimmmeeeeee!” I heard Quinn say, making grabby hand motions at me.

“No, you get it tomorrow, if you're good!” I joked.

“You guys are gonna fuck?” Jaehyun asked, looking at Quinn curiously. “Can I watch?”

“Nope sorry, that is off limits. For my eyes only.” Lucas said, beckoning for Jae to share the blunt he was still working on. He passed it over to Lucas who took it graciously.

“What do you mean for your eyes only? Share the wealth.” Jae said.

“How about no one watches anything. We’re not a damn spectacle. What Quinn and I do is none of your business. ANYWAY, Taeil your turn. Please go. Please.”

“Shoot. Uh…” He looked around at all of us trying to think of a good statement. “Um...never have I ever had a one night stand?”

“Really??? That's literally like...my entire life.” Lucas laughed.

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Never had a one night stand...pfft okay.”

Taeil just laughed. “Dont be mad because you're losing, Johnny”

“Yeah me and practically everyone else.” Johnny tossed off his snapback while i realized i had to discard my shirt. Technically, i didn’t but i decided to appease Johnny a little bit longer and leave the thigh highs for last. I pulled my crop top over my head, revealing my bare chest (who had time for fucking bras anyway) before pulling my hair over my shoulders to have a little bit of coverage. Lucas whistled at me, giving me a wink which made me roll my eyes. Johnny licked his lips, a smile on his face while Taeil tried to sneak looks without being too obvious, which he was failing at. I hugged my knees to my chest and realized that it was actually my turn to go.

I had to think of something i had never done. Not that it specifically had to be something sexual, but that was definitely more fun than ‘Never have i ever been to Korea’. “Oh! I got it. Never have I ever eaten ass before.”

“Boo, you whore!” Ten said, taking off his fishnet shirt and tossing it at me. I caught it and laughed, knowing that we were still neck in neck in the race to lose first. Quinn, Ten, and almost surprisingly Yuta discarded another piece of clothing. Only a few more rounds and someone would be naked. Lucas was coming up quick, only having his underwear (presumably) and shorts on.

It was up to Johnny now. I looked over at him as he switched his preference to a cigarette. I definitely was wondering what he was going to say. He exhaled slowly before speaking. “Never have i ever done anal.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Taeyong slurred a bit as he had been nursing his drink. “Giving or receiving?”

“Either or. Any anal at all.”

Quinn, Lucas, Ten, Yuta, and I pulled off yet another article of clothing. I wasn’t going to take off my underwear just yet so one thigh high came off. I set it in Johnny's lap, mouthing a fake apology coupled with a shrug. He tapped his ashes into an empty beer bottle and sighed. “Damn, was really hoping you'd take those panties off first.”

“Of course you were.” I snatched his cigarette from him and took a deep drag, frowning when i tasted the menthol. Ugh, fuckboys always smoked menthols. He let me keep it though, enjoying the disgusted face i made.

“Alright, Taeyong, Lucas is down to his undies. How are you gonna get him out of them?” Quinn asked as they leaned on Jaehyun's shoulder.

“Not that I want to see him naked but never have I ever had public sex.” He said.

“You fucked in an office!” Yuta protested.

“I meant like a park or parking lot or something!!”

“Well, there we go.” Lucas stood up and dropped his briefs before sprinting towards the pool, landing with a huge splash and getting water everywhere. “We better figure out who's runner up so I wont be in this pool by myself!”

“You're the idiot who jumped in there! Besides it's your turn!” Taeyong tossed a beer cap at Lucas who dodged it. I had to rid myself of the other thigh high for the public sex and i was definitely afraid of having to lose my underwear from what Lucas was going to say.

“Shit. Ok. Uh… got it! Never have i ever sucked dick before.”

Ten and I both collectively groaned as we were deemed the next losers. Johnny had the biggest smile plastered on, his eyes glued to me as i rested my hands on the waistband of my panties. I didn’t want to take them off and was hoping that everyone would magically forget that i had ever sucked their dicks before. Ten on the other hand was already tossing off his pants. Ten rarely wore underwear, if ever, so his pants were the last article of clothing he had on. Never ashamed of being naked, he joined Lucas in the chilly pool water.

“Eeeerrrriiiiii. Come on. Be a good girl and take them off!” Lucas teased.

“Shut up! Maybe i don't wanna!” i buried my face in my knees. I was already losing my buzzed feeling and embarrassment was taking over at the prospect of losing my last bit of clothing around 3 new people and my baby Doyoung.

“Dont be a wimp.” Johnny said as he dug his finger into the waistband of my panties and snapped it against my skin. “These definitely need to go.”

I didnt bother looking up, only swatted at his hand, trying to get him away from me. “Will you stop it!”

“Toss her in if she doesnt do it!” I heard Ten yell.

“What! Don't you dare!” I felt Johnny's strong arms wrap around my waist as he hauled me up easily. I kicked at him as i tried to cover my chest but he wasn't budging.

“One last chance, sweetness.” He said lowly against the sensitive skin of my neck. It was that voice...the one i listened to, the one i dreamt about, the one that turned me on in an instant. I shivered against him, suddenly taking in how warm he felt and the bulge in his boxer briefs pressing into the small of my back. I looked up at him, my breath a little heavier. There were plenty of chants and whistles especially since almost everyone was abandoning whatever they had left on and jumping in.

“Let me go! I have to check on Doyoung!” I half lied. I actually did want to check on him as he had curled up in a small ball and passed out.

“Dont worry. I'll take care of him. You two have fun.” Taeil said tensely as he hauled Doyoung to his feet.

“Oh we fuckin’ will. Bye Taeil.” Johnny smirked. I wanted to elbow Johnny for being a dick to Taeil. I tried to hit his chest but he just grabbed onto my boobs and squeezed them. I tried to pry his hands off me, telling him to let me go as Taeil passed us.

The redhead turned back to us. “Hey Eri.”

I looked up at him, mid-squirm. “Y-yeah?” 

“Don’t forget to come to the library, ok? Ill give you a good lesson.” He winked at me before leaving the pool area with Doyoung stumbling beside him.

My mouth hung open momentarily but i was finally able to shove Johnny off me. I covered my chest and smiled at him. “Um, you bet...see ya.”

“Are you gonna get fucking naked or keep making kissy faces at Taeil all night?!” Ten yelled before splashing water at me.

“Ass!!” I screamed. Suddenly i felt a hand on my back and i was pushed in, sinking into the deeper part of the pool. My body struggled to accommodate my lack of height and inability to swim. Lucas scooped me up against him and i was grateful he stopped me from choking. 

“I hate all of you.” I sputtered.

“We just love seeing you wet is all.” Ten chimed in sarcastically. I splashed water in his direction as Lucas still tried to hold me up. Ten stuck his tongue out at me. “Dont you have to go to the kiddie side of the pool?”

“Oh youre one to talk!” I said splashing at him again. “You little shit!”

“Why are you so angry all the time?” Taeyong said as he finally slid into the pool along with Jaehyun and Quinn.

“Dont you know, all she does is bite and scratch.” Yuta snorted.

“I haven’t had any complaints yet.” I shot back at him. “Lucas will you let me go? Im leaving you fuckers and going where i can’t drown.”

Lucas shrugged and let me waddle to the opposite end of the pool. I was hoping that my makeup wasn’t running down my face and making me look like a Dali painting. I was busy pressing my index finger to my lashes trying to make sure my mascara wouldn’t fall into my eye that i had hardly noticed that i couldn’t move any further. I was up against the side of the pool, a position i was apparently getting used to being in tonight with Johnny around. He had his hands on either side of me, that same smirk on his lips as he knew he had me right where he wanted. “You still haven’t taken off your panties.”

“Yeah well you haven’t taken your underwear off either!” I said looking down at his waist through the blue tinted water.

“I didnt lose. You did. And you have to play by the rules.”

“Hah. Playing by the rules didn’t get me where i am today.”

“Almost naked in a pool about to get fucked, you mean?”

“Precisely.” I replied, thrilled at his renewed interest. “But i'll give you the age old ultimatum. I'll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Done.” He reached under the water and wiggled out of his boxer briefs, throwing them poolside. I swallowed hard, my head tilting to the side as i saw him. “Off. Now.” he commanded.

I stood frozen for a second still staring until i felt his hands on my hips pulling the soaked fabric down, not waiting for my go ahead. I kicked my legs out of my panties and he set them beside his. “There, now was that so hard?”

“No but Im sure you will be.”

“Halfway there.” His hands slid down the curve of my hips to cup my ass and pull me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, almost afraid that he was going to somehow launch me back underwater.

“I take it you're an ass man?”

“I'm an everything man. I don’t normally go for chicks that look like you but…” He licked his lips as he looked down at me flushed against his chest.

“Well don’t i feel special! I’m not the fuckboy's type but he still wants to fuck me. Oh me oh my!”

“Well compared to your track record over there.” Johnny nodded towards the band of idiots that i had all slept with. “I say i'm not your type either, Ms. Kink loving, anal-having, office sex wanting fuckgirl.”

“Did you take a look at Lucas? You're both big and tall with hands that could…” I refrained from saying what was on my mind.

“Hands that could what?” He tilted my chin up and traced the outline of my bottom lip with his tongue before giving me a chaste kiss. “That could finger you so deep and hard that you cum in minutes?”

“W-well i-”

He gave me another kiss, tugging my bottom lip between his teeth just a bit and sucking on it. “Or hands that could bruise your hips as i fuck you from behind?”

“You really think you're that good?” I panted as I managed to find my voice again.

“So i’ve been told but the dozens and dozens of chicks that have been in my bed.”

“Well you've never had me in your bed and to be honest i'm the only one that matters.”

“Damn. Where was that confidence when you needed to take off your panties, huh? Or do you just like to be a cocky little shit when you're about to get some?” Johnny said.

“Ask Ten. He'll tell you I can be a bit of brat when I want to be.”

Johnny chuckled. “I can definitely see that. Gonna have to find a way to occupy that mouth instead.”

“I can think of a few ways.” I pulled his head closer to mine and closed that minuscule distance between us again. I was eager to make him stop talking and instead focus everything he had on kissing me. He hoisted my leg around his waist, digging himself deep between my thighs. His hand then slid up my leg until it gripped my hip, guiding me to grind against him. Barely audible sighs of pleasure were exchanged between us. Every parting of our lips was a chance for our tongues to collide while every closing enacted bites and warm sucks. His other hand slid down my stomach to my parted thighs, his thick fingers caressing what i wanted him to touch the most.

The first finger was tentative, easing in with languid rubs and curling every time my breath would catch in my throat from his kiss. The smirk against my lips told me he was toying with me, wanting to draw out my torture for as long as possible. He pulled one last kiss before moving his attention to my neck. My forehead rested around his shoulder, my hands pressed between his shoulder blades. “You like this, dont you?”

“You’re hotter when you dont talk.”

“What?”

I looked up at him and pressed my finger to his lips. “Dont talk. Just keep fingering me.”

His tongue clicked against his cheek as he shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t stop his fingers though, instead he pressed another into me as his teeth sunk into the sensitive skin of my neck. My teeth bit down onto my bottom lip, shielding my moan from escaping. I rolled my hips deeper, wanting him to prove exactly how fast he could make me cum.

Suddenly a huge splash doused us, making Johnny pull away from me completely. “What the fuck!?” He yelled, wiping the water away from his face. Lucas had a giant grin on his face while Ten and Yuta were making fake orgasmic sounds and screaming “Yes daddy!”

“Are ya'll really about to fuck in this pool in front of us?!” Lucas laughed.

Crap. I had literally been so caught up in Johnny i totally had forgotten we were basically putting on a show. I shoved Johnny away and tried to cover myself knowing full well those three idiots would give me shit for it later. I tried to find an escape route but i realized my clothes were strewn about and there were no towels in sight. I would have to rush out naked and try and gather everything while the boys continued their bickering. I walked up the small ladder and out of the pool, hustling to gather my clothes and tiptoe through the grass, hating the way the blades were sticking to my feet and the dirt was becoming muddy from my dripping.

I went into the apartment, awkwardly standing around since i didn't know which room belonged to him. I needed a damn towel asap. A breeze was flowing through the open doors making the pool water turn icy on my skin. “Tell me again why you fuck those idiots?!” Johnny shouted as he came into the apartment.

I shrugged. “Same reason we were gonna hook up. I’m horny and you’re hot. But right now I’m freezing. Do you have a towel?”

“Yeah,” He rolled his eyes and headed over to the door on the left, kicking things out the way as we stepped through. “Come on.” I followed him into his room. There were clothes everywhere as well as old condom wrappers, fast food bags, and empty starbucks cups. I stared at the mess in disgust then up at him as he handed me a towel. “Did you get that from the floor?” i asked.

“You wanted one, didn’t you?”

I stared at him, squinting slightly. “Did you get this from the floor?”

“It was from behind my damn door, ok? You gonna dry off so we can fuck or what?””

I rolled my eyes and took the stupid towel, drying off as best as i could. My hair was a mess and I pulled it up into a bun, still feeling the pool water drip down my neck. Johnny tossed his own towel on the pile of dirty laundry after he dried off and stepped closer to me. “Now where were we?”

I sighed. “I actually should probably get going. It's getting late…”

“And?”

“And i'm tired. I'm gonna have to fish out Quinn and Lucas.”

He licked his lips and pushed his jet black hair back. “You literally were begging me to keep fingering you in my pool. You think i'm gonna let the boys you play with ruin the mood? Come here.”

“They don’t matter right now but I-”

His hands were on my hips then, lifting me up easily. My body instinctively wrapped my limbs around him, shocked senseless at his first move. My mouth was suddenly dry as we were now on the same level and his eyes met mine. I was trying to say something, anything at all, but i was sure my mouth was just doing the motions and making me look like a gaping fish. He carried me over to his bed laying me down and spreading my knees apart. “We were here, right?” He asked as he rubbed his fingers through my folds, making purposeful stops at my clit and rubbing the smallest of circles before diving his fingers back down again.

My eyes fluttered closed and I nodded my head. My hips followed each languid stroke, wanting him to touch every nerve i had. I could feel the droplets of water from his bangs splatter onto my stomach, the iciness making me twitch as my skin started to heat up. His lips kissed away the droplets, his tongue tracing intimate patterns into my skin. I felt a small bite right above my hip bone and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, keeping my decibels down. His eyes flickered up towards me, an expression of curiosity within them.

“You’re quiet.” He stated, almost surprised. “Aren’t you going to start moaning?”

“You haven’t don’t enough to make me moan.” I fibbed. “Remember what i said before? You're hotter when you don’t talk.”

“Fine. Whatever.” He moved himself slowly up to meet my face as his fingers dug into me, a steady beat of push and pull while his thumb focused those teasing circles against my bundle of nerves again. “I just figured you’d start screaming my name sooner or later.”

“Ugh, no thank you. You still haven’t proved any-” The end of my sentence turned into a sharp inhale of breath as he curled his fingers against my walls, pressing into a spot i could rarely reach on my own.

“What was that?” he smirked.

I gripped onto his bicep, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to match his motions. I rolled my body with each curl of his fingers, bounced my hips with each harsh thrust, and arched every time he would graze against that devilish spot. I could feel him watching me beneath him, my chest heaving as i desperately wanted to cum already. My tongue parted my lips, licking them slowly before i caved in and moaned. At this point I was still determined not to say his stupid name or beg for that matter but he sure as hell was making it hard. I dug my nails into his tender skin just as his knuckles hit my entrance, filling me completely with the thickness of his fingers.

“Damn…” I heard him whisper amidst my whimpers and the sounds of him working through my slickness. His lips brushed against my ear, his warm breath tickling my lobe as that deep, silky smooth voice left him. “You're gonna look so good wrapped around me.”

That was the cheesiest and wackest line I had ever heard but that voice made my entire face flush and my body clamp down on him tight. That stupid voice. I hated what it did to me. I hated that it sent my mind reeling back to all the nights I had masturbated to it over the radio. I tried to protest but no words were coming out. He was working himself faster now, a rough cycle of ‘come here’ motions and thrusts that had me helpless. I arched my hips again, my toes digging into his calves as i was ready to fall into my orgasm. Then he pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the sheets, and leaving me out in the cold. He got up from the bed and went over to his dresser, rifling through his top drawer.

I glared at him, a rough and annoyed breath slipping out. Did he really just leave me hanging like that? I sat up on my elbows, seeing a flash of gold in his fist. “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, why did you stop, you shitty tease?”

“I had to get a condom? Im not gonna fuck you without one.” He tore open the package and slid the rubber on before making his way back to me. He was ready to resume his place above me but my heart leapt into my throat as I saw him fully.

“WHOA! PAUSE! PAUSE!” I exclaimed, outstretching my hands to keep a bit of distance between us. “Why didn't you tell me you had….all of that!?”

He shrugged simply. “It was kinda cold in the pool. Does it matter?”

“Yes it matters! That’s...!” I covered my face as I flopped back onto the mattress, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t going to be so bad. So far Lucas had been the biggest I had ever had and he was mostly length. Johnny was on a different level and i was convinced i was going to die from him scrambling my insides. I felt him ease my face back towards his before pulling my hands away.

“Chill. Im not gonna barge in there. I have done this a few times before, you know.” His eyes raked over my body as he licked his lips. “Just relax for me, baby. I swear i'll treat you right.”

I almost gagged as his tired old lines. “Yeah that's easy for you to say. You're not the one about to have your guts in your throat.”

“Jesus, if you want to puss out on me just tell me so I don’t have to waste my time anymore. I could’ve had someone else here instead.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, i doubt it with the way you were begging me to keep my thigh highs on and sit by you.” I sighed softly. “Just….go slow. Or else i'll hit you.”

“If you do i'll kick your ass out. I dont care.”

I pouted and looked away, my cheeks still warm. “Fine….sorry.”

It was his turn to sigh before pressing his lips to mine way softer than he had before. The tip of his cock was already trying to sink into me and i forced my body to relax as much as possible. I focused on his lips, the way he felt against me, his hands rubbing up and down my hips and thighs, and the soft groans he was slipping into my mouth. He would stop every so often when i would wince or become too tight for him.

I adjusted myself beneath him, trying to gauge how much he had left until he was almost completely inside me. We avoided eye contact this time though his thumb was making lazy swipes on my hip. I did appreciate that he wasn’t so much of an asshole and took his time with me. It was actually pretty...cute. I wanted him to feel good, for us to feel good, while he fucked me. Feeling him already so warm and stretching me to my limits was starting to make me squirm in anticipation.

Minutes went by as he alternated between minuscule thrusts and sucks to all my erogenous zones, trying to turn me on more to pull my wetness around him. Eventually his thrusts became more fluid and less overwhelming as I finally adjusted. I pulled his head closer, licking his lips slowly before giving him a firm chaste kiss. “I want you to fuck me, ok?”

He nodded quickly, switching his tactics instantly. He took control of my mouth again, commanding my tongue as he pulled his hips back slowly. The returning thrust was a harsh snap and it made me sink my nails deeper into his flesh. He paused again, gauging if it was too much for me to handle. I shook my head and breathed out a shaky ‘dont stop’. He gripped the edge of the mattress just above my head, using it as leverage to work himself into a faster tempo. The pain was underlying the pleasure still but i didn't mind it at all now. I was faltering back against him, a cadence of mewls and strangled breaths tumbling from my lips. His teeth found my neck once more, nipping at the weak spot just beneath my jawbone. I slid my fingers up the length of his broad shoulders and neck to the soft fuzziness of his undercut before grabbing a hold of his longer tresses and pulling.

“Bite harder. I'm not fragile.”

“Oh now you're tough shit, hmm?” he chuckled before yanking my hand from his hair.  “You sure you don’t want me to keep going slow? Those sounds you make are pretty cute.”

“I’m positive, asshole. And i wasn’t making any sounds. It was just breathing or whatever. Shut up.” 

“Get on your stomach then. And don’t give me any complaints either.”

I swallowed hard, staring up into the dark pools of his eyes and trying to register a command I wasn’t prepared for. When i didn’t move fast enough he forced my hips down, my stomach meeting the mattress for a microsecond before I was pulled onto my knees. My thighs rested on the outside of his, my small legs struggling to accommodate fitting him between me. His hands made my wrists disappear in his grip and kept me pinned down firmly. The breath felt like it was getting knocked out of me as his thrusts were painting vivid stories of pleasure throughout my entire being. My skin was blooming with sinfully hard bites on my shoulders. A low short growl rumbled against my skin and for the first time i whimpered his name, wanting it to be the only thing that ran through my mind.

His name on my tongue only spurred him on further. His blunt nails made crescent marks on the underside of my wrist as my veins pulsated against the tender skin. He moved one of them from beside my head, guiding my hand down to the incredibly pleasure filled center he was invading. His finger tips folded over mine, leading me to resume the attention to my clit that I so desperately needed. My face pressed into the mattress as I wanted to muffle the acute sobs building in my throat. My idle hand bunched the fitted sheet in my fist tugging it from the corners of the bed. “Please...” The word escaped before I could even think to stop it.

“Please what?” He teased, that sultry voice making my entire body shudder. Of course he was one of those guys that got off on making me say what i wanted and inflating his ego. I pushed my face into the mattress deeper, not wanting him to see the begging look on my face. Johnny let out a stiff grunt before he pressed his hand into my spine, making my back bow more. His other hand tore my hips higher, the tips of his fingers finding the dip in my hip bone that never failed to make me squirm. My thighs quivered as he pushed into it more, the V of his waist hitting my ass repeatedly. My teeth grabbed at my lip again as my toes tried to steady my weakening form. I tensed, clenching around his thickness as the head of his cock tormented the deepest part of me. I felt him shudder, a strained groan coming from him.

“F-fuck...babe. Relax for me.”

Easy for you to say. I thought. You’re not the one getting railed in half.

He pressed harder into me, if that was even possible. Every ridge, every vein, riding against me. Little by little, he eased his hand from my hip to rest on my shoulder dangerously close to my neck. He was trying to steady himself, to reel back his control and resist the urge to cum just yet. He cursed under his breath as his panting was getting heavier. I tilted my head towards my shoulder, trying to urge him to grab my throat. Choking always got me closer to cumming faster than most things but he pulled away his hand quickly as if i had burned him. I looked back at him momentarily, about ready to ask if he would just do it but i saw the way his lip was caught between his perfect teeth, his eyes closed shut, eyelashes dusting the tops of his cheeks. It turned my stomach into a gooey mess of emotions especially after he let out a deeper groan, his chest tensing just a bit as his brows furrowed. “Johnny...”

He nodded, letting out a simple ‘mhm’ before pulling me up to his chest. He forced my head towards his, engulfing my mouth in a rushed heated kiss while both our hands melded together once more between my folds. I reached my other hand back to cup his head, twisting my fingers in his hair again. Our fingers were working faster together against my clit as he rolled his hips up into me, making us both teeter on the edge. He swallowed hard, pressing his forehead against mine as i felt him throb inside me. A warm feeling filled my stomach, making me shudder and whine as i followed his orgasm. I slumped back against him as i tried to regain my breath and stop my legs from quivering. I was definitely going to feel that tomorrow.

Only a few sparse moment passed before Johnny cleared his throat.“So…You good to leave?”

I blinked a few times in disbelief. I rarely stood over with one night stands but we had barely just finished and already he was kicking me out? My entire demeanor changed. “Yeah, I’m fucking good to leave. Just give me a sec, damn.” i hissed.

He pulled out of me slowly, leaving me to collapse onto his mattress. I heard him rummaging around his room, the flick of a lighter going off at some point. I was curled up on my side, my body betraying my will to move and not give him the satisfaction of kicking me out. I was trying my best to get but my eyes were fluttering closed. Johnny tapped my ass before shaking me by my hip.

“Up. Now.” He yawned deeply before crawling into bed. “You’re not staying here.”

“I know jackass.” I said, following up with a yawn of my own. “Two seconds though.”

“Two seconds.” He closed his eyes and folded his arm across them, settling beside me. I was getting up. Right now.

--

“Fuck!” I gasped as i shot up from my sleep. I had felt a shift in the bed beside me as Johnny had rolled onto his side. I realized that i had fallen asleep at his place. Shitshitshitshitshit. I wasn't supposed to stay here. I was supposed to get up after a few seconds, leave, pretend that i didn’t just have the hottest sex of my life and that i totally didnt want him again. Now my plan was ruined because it was probably around 6 am when we were done. I barely got any sleep and time was starting to feel like a joke that made me more disoriented. I looked at the wad of my clothes on the floor and slipped out of bed, hissing as my stomach clenched in pain. Great. Just great. I scrambled over to my clothes and pulled on my shorts and top, not even bothering with my socks. i stuffed my feet into my sneakers and hobbled into the living room.

Luckily, I found Lucas facedown on the couch. He had managed to pull his shorts on at least after the escapade in the pool. Quinn was curled up on top of him, still mostly naked. I rushed over, shaking them violently awake. “Let's go, let's go, let's go!” i whispered harshly.

Quinn woke up first. It looked like they hadn't been asleep for long. “Finally! I was waiting for you! You made me sleep over and i NEVER sleep over.”

“I’m sorry! I accidentally passed out. Trust me I didn’t want to sleep here either but Johnny wore me out. It took forever to get him mostly all the way in.”

“Well damn...how big was he?”

“Magnum size big. Lets go.”

Quinn clutched at their chest. “Ohh girl...that's a journey.”

“I know. Will you come on?! I don't want to be here any longer than you do.” I slapped Lucas on the back, watching as his head popped up.

“H-huh?”

“Get up. We're leaving.” He rolled over as Quinn jumped off him and started putting on their clothes.

“What time is it? I feel like shit.”

“Doesn’t matter. Up. Get your shoes on.” I sighed. It was like corralling toddlers.

Lucas was finally able to get up and i practically pushed the both of them out the door. Lucas was able to find a few more of his clothes over by the pool as we shuffled along, making our way slowly to my car. I needed to sleep for 80 years and hoped to god i would be able to walk normally later.

--

The Boys Group Chat

Johnny: whaddup

Johnny: i lowkey only remember like half of last night lol

Yuta: fuckin mood

Yuta: we got naked in the pool didnt we?

Taeil: yall did. I didnt. I took care of DY. He was passed tf out

Johnny: aww damn does that mean you didnt get to see me fuck that girl you wanted

Taeil: I saw you acting like a damn fool. I’m not too worried anyway. Im gonna tutor her soon enough👅

Ten: and use that tired ass ‘im a virgin line’? Lmao

Taeil: listen it gets me more pussy than you will ever know. Chicks dig that sensitive innocent guy shit. The library is my sanctuary

Ten: one day somebody is gonna call you out on that whack ass shit or find out that youre always lying about being a virgin

Jae: what you gonna do then? Youre gonna have to find some other shit to lie about lol

Taeil: no ones gonna find out. Shut up. It works every year

Yuta: im surprise u havent lost ur damn job yet tbh

Taeil: what can i say im good at what i do

Johnny: anyway wtf was that chicks name that i hooked up with? I cant remember

Ten: johnny ur a damn idiot

Johnny: what?????

Yuta: ur kinda going down a dark hole so good luck with that

Taeil: she doesnt seem that bad

Yuta: LMAO

Ten: 😂😂😂😂

Johnny: whats wrong with her? She postal or something? Aint u two fuckin her too???

Ten: well yeah but she’s a handful

Yuta: to say the very LEAST

Taeil: ok we get it. Shes kinky and has poor lapses in judgement to hook up with you guys over and over

Ten: im sure you’ll find out soon enough. Shes something alright

Johnny: what do you mean? Shes not gonna like key my car or something right? I dont have time for that shit again tbh.

Jae: i havent talked to the girl I fucked about her much but like i can probs get u her snap. Or ask lucas. I think hes up her ass too

Johnny: who hasnt she slept with???

Taeyong: oh are we talking about who i think we are?

Yuta: way to come in late lmao but ya

Taeyong: oh shit lol. i mean we went over this during truth or dare.

Taeil: you mean never have i ever

Taeyong: same shit. anyway out of all of us she hasn’t touched taeil (yet), Dy or Jae….well Jae might be in waiting

Jae: fuck no. Not my type at all. she seems too damn mouthy

Ten: i mean once you gag her shes fine lmaoooooo

Johnny: yeah she kept telling me to shut up

Johnny: and she barely like….screamed or moaned or anything

Johnny: it was all these tiny little sounds

Taeil: maybe you didnt give it to her good enough

Taeyong: no. Thats literally her. I was fuckin destroying her hips against the door and she barely made a peep. Idfk whats wrong with her

Yuta: i think shes made the most noise with me and thats probably because i work her hard enough but even then i cant get a scream out

Jae: meanwhile the chick i slept with wouldnt fuckin stop making noise.

Johnny: jae your ass is loud too. sounding like a monkey thats out of breath

Taeil: fuck🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ten: lmaooooooo

Yuta: get WRECKT

Jae: fuck all of you

Jae: forreal

Jae: i cant stand yall

Jae: anyway maybe its good that shes quiet all you fucking get are screamers anyway

Johnny: i know! Especially that one chinese chick i hooked up like last semester. Jfc she wouldnt stop.

Johnny: Idk i didnt mind her not saying much i guess but it was just weird to me

Jae: bro u barely make any sounds either. All i be hearing are your girls

Johnny: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Johnny: anyway wtf is her name lol

Ten: Eri you idiot

Yuta: just Eri lol Thats what she always says

Johnny: whats her @ on snap?

Yuta: fuck

Yuta: hold on

Taeyong: its mistresseri13

Jae: LMAO

Taeyong: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Yuta: the bigger point is johnny fuckin suh KING of one night stands is whipped for a girl and actually wants to talk to her again

Ten: oooohhhhh true. U never hook up with the same person twice

Taeyong: i mean shes good but you really want to hook up with her again?

Yuta: ty uve been tryna hook up with her since the office thing dont lie.

Taeyong: stfu

Taeil: lmao. So now johnny's whipped for her. she must be good in the sack then

Ten: mostly shes just nice to play with. U can do almost anything with her

Lucas: why are yall blowing up my fuckin phoneeeeeeeee!!!!! im tryin to sleep

Jae: bro its like 4 in the afternoon

Lucas: yeah and? Im hungover af

Yuta: are u at the dorm?

Lucas: no. Babes making me pancakes

Taeil: babe? Babe who??? Who the hell did you get to actually cook for you?

(Downloading picture)

Taeil: is that Eri in the kitchen? in her underwear?

Johnny: excuse me

Jae: HAH

Ten: oohhh now johnnys gonna be jealous

Johnny: Shut it ten.

(Downloading picture)

Lucas: I get morning kisses too lmao

Yuta: are we sharing pics of her now bc ive got plenty.

Lucas: shes still my friend tho. Dont do that.

Ten: not like we all havent seen it before tbh

Jae: i mean i kinda wanna keep it that way. You can have her.

Taeyong: spoiler alert dumbass, we've all slept with Quinn too. You aint special. Shes literally at my place rn

Taeil: oh fuck is that what you've been doing?

Taeyong: lmaooo yeah. Working on a “project”

Taeil: thats what i kept hearing. Im leaving.

Taeyong: shes heading out now actually. Going back to her place. Jae ill tell her you said hi

Lucas: i guess johnnys not the only one whos jealous

Johnny: im not fuckin jealous. Im not even gonna snap her

Ten: uh huh

Yuta: yep sure

Taeil: yeah right

Lucas: well i gotta go eat pancakes and maybe eat something else later👅👅👅👅💦💦💦

Johnny: ew

Taeyong: thats probably why she'll ignore your ass lol

Ten: get that tongue in j-suh or else she wont ever text you back

[quakerjoe]

In the first employment report after social distancing measures had taken hold in many US states, the Department of Labor announced that 3.3 million people had filed jobless claims. A week later, in the first week in April, an additional 6.6 million claims came in—almost unfathomable compared with the previous record of 695,000, which was set in 1982.

As bad as those numbers are, though, they greatly understate the crisis, since they don’t take into account many part-time, self-­employed, and gig workers who are also losing their livelihoods. Financial experts predict that US GDP will drop as much as 30% to 50% by summer.

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In late March, President Donald Trump warned against letting “the cure be worse than the problem itself” and talked of getting the country back to business by Easter, then just two weeks away. Casey Mulligan, a University of Chicago economist and former member of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers, warned that “an optimistic projection” for the cost of closing nonessential businesses until July was almost $10,000 per American household. He told the New York Times that shutting down economic activity to slow the virus would be more damaging than doing nothing at all.

Eventually the White House released models suggesting that letting the virus spread unchecked could kill as many as 2.2 million Americans, in line with the projections of other epidemiologists. Trump backed off his calls for an early reopening, extending guidelines on social distancing through the end of April. But his essential argument remained: that in the coronavirus pandemic, there is an agonizing trade-off between saving the economy and saving lives.

Evidence from research, however, shows that this is a false dichotomy. The best way to limit the economic damage will be to save as many lives as possible.

A novel recession

Part of the difficulty with setting policy now is that the situation is unprecedented in living memory. “It’s impossible to know how the world is changing,” says David Autor, a labor economist at MIT. “It isn’t like anything we’ve seen in a hundred years.” In any past recession or depression, the economic solution has always been to stimulate demand for labor—to get workers back on the job. But in this case, we’re purposely shutting down economic activity and telling people to stay at home. “It’s not just the depth of the recession,” Autor says. “It’s qualitatively different.”

One of the biggest fears is that those least able to withstand the downturn will be hit hardest—low-wage service workers in restaurants and hotels, and the growing number of people in the gig economy. For the last two decades, service workers have become an increasingly large part of the labor force as many of the midlevel office and manufacturing jobs previously open to people without college degrees have dried up, says Autor. It’s people in these service jobs, already low paid and often with few health and other benefits, who will struggle the most.

“On a good day they are vulnerable, and on a bad day they are even more vulnerable,” Autor says. “And this is a very bad day.”

Provisions included in the $2 trillion legislative package passed by Congress in late March were meant to give affected workers and businesses the means to weather the shutdown and, once the outbreak is under control, help restart the economy. Each adult earning less than $75,000 will be given $1,200, and for the first time, gig workers and self-employed people will qualify for unemployment benefits. Hundreds of billions of dollars will also go to helping businesses stay afloat.

But it almost certainly won’t be enough, especially in the hardest-hit areas of the country. Cities like Las Vegas and Orlando, “places with gargantuan leisure hospitality economies,” will be badly affected, says Mark Muro, coauthor of a report from the Brookings Institution analyzing the numbers. But any region with a large service economy is vulnerable. Muro points out that many of these places never recovered from the 2008 financial crisis.

The people losing these low-wage service jobs were already experiencing skyrocketing mortality rates from what economists have begun calling “deaths of despair,” caused by alcoholism, drug abuse, and suicide. The coming crash could make things much worse.

The value of a life

Yet shutting down businesses is the only real choice, given that an unchecked pandemic would itself be hugely destructive to economic activity. If tens of millions of people become sick and millions die, the economy suffers, and not just because the workforce is being depleted. Widespread fear is bad for business: consumers won’t flock back to restaurants, book air travel, or spend on activities that might put them at risk of getting sick. In a recent survey of leading economists by Chicago’s Booth School, 88% believed that “a comprehensive policy response” will need to involve tolerating “a very large contraction in economic activity” to get the outbreak under control. Some 80% thought that “abandoning severe lockdowns” too early will lead to even greater economic damage.

Meanwhile, any measures to slow deaths from the virus will have huge downstream economic benefits. Michael Greenstone, an economist at the University of Chicago, finds that even moderate social distancing will save 1.7 million lives between March 1 and October 1, according to disease-spread models done at Imperial College London. Avoiding those deaths translates into a benefit of around $8 trillion to the economy, or about one-third of the US GDP, he estimates, on the basis of a widely accepted economic measure, the “value of a statistical life.” And if the outbreak is less severe than predicted by the Imperial College work, Greenstone predicts, social distancing could still save some $3.6 trillion.

“Our choice is not whether we intervene or whether we go back to the normal economy,” says Emil Verner, an economist at MIT’s Sloan School who has recently looked at the flu pandemic of 1918 for insights into today’s outbreak. “Our choice is whether we intervene—and the economy will be really bad now and will be better in the future—versus doing nothing and the pandemic goes out of control and really destroys the economy.”

Overall, Verner and his coauthors found that the 1918 pandemic reduced national manufacturing output in the US by 18%; but cities that implemented restrictions earlier and for longer had much better economic outcomes in the year after the outbreak.

Verner points to the fates of two cities in particular: Cleveland and Philadelphia. Cleveland acted aggressively, closing schools and banning gatherings early in the outbreak and keeping the restrictions in place for far longer. Philadelphia was slower to react and maintained restrictions for about half as long. Not only did far fewer people die in Cleveland (600 per 100,000, compared with 900 per 100,000 in Philadelphia), but its economy fared better and was much stronger in the year after the outbreak. By 1919 job growth was 5% there, while in Philadelphia it was around 2%.

Today’s economy is much different—it’s geared more toward services, and far less toward manufacturing than it was 100 years ago. Nevertheless, the cities’ stories are suggestive. Verner says that even a conservative interpretation of the data suggests there is “no evidence that interventions are worse for the economy.” And most likely they had a significant benefit. “A pandemic is so destructive,” he says. “Ultimately any policy to mitigate it is going to be good for the economy.”

The cure, then, isn’t worse than the disease. But for every day that normal economic activity is shut down, a huge number of Americans won’t be earning an income. Many already live paycheck to paycheck. Many may in fact succumb to diseases of despair. Families will fall apart under the stress. Hard-hit cities will feel abandoned. The urgency to open the economy will only grow.

However, a number of influential economists and health-care experts are saying there’s a way to get America quickly back in business while preserving public safety.

Reviving the economy

These days Paul Romer sounds exasperated. “We’re caught up in the trauma: kill the economy or kill more people,” he says. There is so much “learned helplessness, so much hand-wringing.” The New York University economist and Nobel laureate believes he has a relatively simple strategy that will “both contain the virus and let the economy revive.”

The key, says Romer, is repeatedly testing everyone without symptoms to identify who is infected. (People with symptoms should just be assumed to have covid-19 and treated accordingly.) All those who test positive should isolate themselves; those who test negative can return to work, traveling, and socializing, but they should be tested every two weeks or so. If you’re negative, you might have a card saying so that allows you to get on an airplane or freely enter a restaurant.

Testing could be voluntary. Romer acknowledges some might resist it or resist isolating themselves if positive, but “most people want to do the right thing,” he says, and that should be enough to snuff out the spread of the virus.

Romer points to new, faster diagnostic tests, including ones from Silicon Valley’s Cepheid and from the drug giant Roche. Each of Roche’s best machines can handle 4,200 tests a day; build five thousand of those machines, and you can test 20 million people a day. “It’s well within our capacity,” he says. “We just need to bend some metal and make some machines.” If you can identify and isolate those infected with the virus, you can let the rest of the population go back to business.

Indeed, in an early April survey by Chicago’s Booth School, 93% of the economists agreed that “a massive increase in testing” is required for “an economic restart.”

In a piece called “National Coronavirus Response: A roadmap to reopening,” former FDA director Scott Gottlieb also argued for ramping up testing and then isolating those infected rather shutting in the entire population. Likewise, Ezekiel Emanuel, chair of the University of Pennsylvania’s department of medical ethics and health policy, called for increasing testing in a New York Times piece called “We Can Safely Restart the Economy in June. Here’s How.” Harvard medical experts, meanwhile, have outlined similar ideas in “A Detailed Plan for Getting Americans Back to Work.”

The proposals differ in details, but all revolve around widespread testing of various sorts to know who is vulnerable and who isn’t before we risk going back to business.

There is, however, little evidence that massive and frequent testing will be implemented anytime soon. Despite the appearance of new tests, screening is still largely unavailable for anyone but the most severely ill or those at the medical front lines. Test kits and equipment to perform them are still in short supply. Many hospitals and doctors complain they can’t get needed tests; and Roche’s CEO said at the end of March that it will be “weeks, if not months” before there is widespread coronavirus testing in the US.

It’s the type of inertia that clearly frustrates Romer. He calls the $2 trillion legislation passed by Congress “palliative care” for the economy. If you took $100 billion and put it into testing, he says, we would “be far better off.”

One day we will have to reopen the economy. Perhaps we’ll be able to hold out until the pandemic is showing signs of receding, or perhaps the economic suffering will prove intolerable both to those in charge and to those living in hard-hit regions. When that day comes, if we do not have widespread testing, we will be sending people back to work without knowing if they’re at risk of getting the virus or spreading it to others. “We’re thinking about this the wrong way,” Romer says. The idea that one day you will be able to restart the economy without massive testing to see if the outbreak is under control is just “magical thinking.”

It could be a gradual process—those who are found to be free of infection or immune might be allowed back first. But without testing we won’t know how to manage this transition. In that case we will in fact be left with the Trumpian choice: between salvaging the economy and risking countless deaths.

[spaceorphan18]

SO’s Guide to JAM (The Office)

And no, I don’t mean preservatives.  ;)  For @redheadgleek - because she wanted to know.  

So - the thing about the Office is that, unlike lots of sitcoms where you can jump right in during the middle, The Office (at least at the beginning) benefits from character development - and a lot of things later on don’t resonate as well if you don’t have the context and backstory to set them up.  There are plenty of things to skip, but it’s worth sitting through some of the uncomfortable things to appreciate the story.  That said - hopefully, this guide will help you decide if you want to pass or not.  

I am going to use a ** to designate episodes I think you should watch.  

Season 1

I think Season 1 is the hardest for people to get through.  They were very much trying to model the British version, but the British version is very dark at times, and the American version just won’t allow itself to get that way, so season 1 feels really weird tonally -- and honestly different than the rest of the series.  Plenty of people skip it all together, but there are some things worth watching. 

Pilot - They used the script from the British pilot, and even that was kind of bland.  I find this episode boring, and while it introduces Jim and Pam, it’s entirely skippable.  

Diversity Day - So, there’s a lot of cringe here, but this is what made me really enjoy Jim and Pam, because Jim’s entire day sucks, and then at the very end, he and Pam have a special, sweet moment.  This worked for me, but I can understand wanting to move past all the Michael. 

Health Care - There are some fun Jim/Pam hijinx against Dwight in this one.  The Michael plot is entirely skippable if that’s too much.  But not huge in the Jam story. 

**The Alliance - I would recommend this one, if only because the show comes back to it a lot.  Jim and Dwight form an alliance, which is really Jim messing with Dwight.  Again - the Michael portion of this episode is entirely skippable - so you can fastforward through that if you don’t want to endure it. 

Basketball - Everyone plays basketball.  It’s not really that interesting - but there are some flirty moments between Jim and Pam. 

Hot Girl - I think this is the funniest of Season 1.  Amy Adams shows up to sell purses at the office.  There are great little Jam moments, but the only thing to really take away from this one is that Jim ends up asking Amy Adams out, which sets up season 2.  

Season 2

Season 2 gets rid of a lot of the cringiest stuff from season 1, and lets the show be itself.  While there are definitely Jam heavy/focused episodes, a lot of why the story line works is that there are little moments that build up in each episode that make it worthwhile. 

**The Dundies - This is a great introduction to the show.  Michael is more tolerable than he usually is.  A ton of great Jam stuff in this one.  Really a must see. 

Sexual Harassment - There is a lot of cringe in this one.  However, Pam’s mom shows up, and there are a few smaller Jam moments. 

**Office Olympics - Michael (and Dwight) are out of the office and everyone goofs off.  It’s a fun episode, and the Michael subplot is entirely skippable (though it’s not really that bad) 

The Fire - There’s a fire in the office, so everyone goes outside and they play games.  Lots of fun Jam stuff, though nothing life changing.  The Michael/Ryan stuff is a little awkward.  But the episode is good at expanding all the side characters so it’s recommended, even if it’s not a must see.  

Halloween - Michael has to fire someone, so it is cringy in that regard.  Jim and Pam have a subplot of getting Dwight to go to another job, which leads to some delicious angst.  

The Fight - Michael and Dwight physically fight.  Jim and Pam kind of parallel with a mini-fight of their own.  The episode as a whole I’m a little meh on, but if you just watch the Jam scenes, you’ll get what you need. 

**The Client - Michael goes on a sales call - and is actually a good salesman.  Meanwhile, the office reads a script Michael wrote.  It’s great, classic Jam stuff in this one. 

Performance Review - I personally find this one funny because it’s fallout from The Client, but not Jim/Pam heavy.  They have a minor subplot where they prank Dwight. 

**Email Surveillance - Not entirely essential, but Jim throws a BBQ at his house, and there’s some good development here.  The Michael plot at improv can be completely fastforwarded through. 

**Christmas Party - I actually used to find this episode difficult (until I became really desensitized to it), but it is sitting through the terrible Michael stuff to get to the Jam stuff that will be relevant for years to come.  

**Booze Cruise - The office goes on a Booze Cruise.  Yes - watch this, feel angst, feel joy, feel all the things. 

The Injury - there’s really zero Jam in this, however, it is incredibly funny and Pam and Dwight become friends, and I love that.  Oh, the plot is Michael cooks his foot. I do recommend it, even if it’s not essential.

**The Secret - Jim tells Michael his feelings for Pam. Yes, lots of Jam-y stuff in this. 

The Carpet - Someone puts weird stuff on Michael’s carpet forcing Michael to work in the office.  I like it - there’s a lot of good Jim stuff (and a lot of angst) but not a lot of Jam.  The ending is classic, though. 

Boys and Girls - Jan throws a women in the workplace seminar.  There’s some good Pam development in this one, so I recommend at least watching the women scenes. 

Valentine’s Day - There is zero Jam stuff in it, but that’s the point.  I think it’s really cool what they do with this - but not essential.  However, it does have one of my favorite Pam/Dwight scenes. 

Dwight’s Speech - Dwight wins salesman of the year.  I’m a little meh on this one, too, tbh.  Jim decides he’s not going to Pam’s wedding, but that’s the only Jam stuff in the episode. 

Take Your Daughter to Work Day - People bring their kids to work.  There’s some tiny bits of Jam in this one, but another I’m slightly ‘meh’ on.  

Michael’s Birthday - No one pays attention to Michael on his birthday.  Jim and Pam take a shopping trip that’s kinda cute, but there’s a lot of Michael pouting in this episode that makes it difficult. 

**Drug Testing - Dwight finds a joint and grills the office.  Has one of the best Jam subplots of the show. 

**Conflict Resolution - Michael decides to resolve all the office conflicts.  Of course this goes over well.  Not a ton of Jam, but some relevant stuff, and some fantastic Jim stuff.  

**Casino Night -- Yes, watch this.  Enjoy this.  One of the best Jam episodes, and one of the best episodes in the series hands down. 

Season 3

The thing about Season 3 is -- while Season 2 was kind of Jim’s story, Season 3 is Pam’s story - and it’s one of my favorite arcs of any TV show.  Again, while not all the episodes are essential, Pam (and Jam) get developed in every single episode - so I do recommend seeing all of Seasons 2 and 3, but it’s not required. 

Gay Witch Hunt - Michael finds out Oscar is gay.  Jim and Pam miss each other.  Not essential, and does contain one of the most cringy moments of the show, but it does show the resolution of Casino Night, and you’ll probably end up watching it anyway, even if I don’t mark it as essential. 

The Convention - Michael and Dwight meet up with Jim at a convention.  Pam goes on a date.  Good episode, little things sprinkled throughout. 

The Coup - Dwight tries to get Michael fired.  This one is dark.  Pam gets new clothes, Jim plays Call of Duty.  It’s well written, but again, very dark. 

Grief Counseling - Michael is upset that his former boss has died, and so Pam helps him grieve.  Great Pam development in this one. 

**The Initiation - Dwight takes Ryan to his beet farm.  I love this episode, it’s hilarious.  There’s also a huge Jim/Pam thing at the end, worth watching. 

Diwali - Kelly invites the office to her Diwali celebration.  This one is a bit cringy.  Some good bits, though, with Pam coming out of her shell a bit. 

**Branch Closing & The Merger - kind of a two parter. I recommend both of them, because they’re both good episodes (though The Merger has some high cringe) and some good Jam development going on. 

The Convict - Michael finds out one of the employees has been to prison.  I don’t think it’s as cringy as it might seem.  Jim gets Andy to hit on Pam by using all the things she hates - it’s classic, and the main plot can be skipped if you only want to see the Jam stuff.  

**A Benihana Christmas - It’s hard to explain - lots of Xmas things going on - and possibly the best Xmas special they do, so I do recommend it. 

Back from Vacation - Mostly about Michael trying to cover up the fact that he sent a nude photo of his gf to the company.  It’s not that bad.  There is an essential Pam moment where she breaks down and is comforted by Dwight, but the rest of the episode isn’t essential at all.  

**Traveling Salesman & The Return - All the salesmen pair up to go on sales calls, and Oscar returns to the office.  Another 2 parter of sorts.  Andy gets a bit much, but otherwise, they’re really solid and entertaining episodes across the board, with a bit of Jam development.  

**Ben Franklin - Michael throws a bachelor party in the office, and to even it out, throws a bachelorette party for the girls.  Their stripper is Ben Franklin.  Some cringy stuff here, but not too bad - and I think the Pam story line is worth it. 

Phyllis’s Wedding - this has some of the most cringy stuff in the show.  However, if you skip the wedding and go to the reception, there’s some great stuff -- including some delicious angst for Jam. 

Business School - A majority of this is Michael going to Ryan’s business school, and Jim convincing Dwight he turned into a vampire.  Not a lot here - but the ending with Pam’s art show is great in Pam’s arc. 

Cocktails - Michael, Dwight, and Jim go out to a corporate party while Pam and the rest of the office go out for drinks.  I’m a bit meh on the episode, but some good Pam development in this one. 

The Negotiation - A lot of it is focused on Darryl wanting a raise, and therefor Michael asking for a raise.  This ties up some Pam story loose threads so worth it for that. 

Safety Training - Like the Injury, this is not essential at all, but I think it’s one of the funniest episodes, and I do recommend it on that merit alone. 

Product Recall - the office deals with having to recall a product.  There is really zero Jam stuff in it.  This is really the only one of seasons 1-3 that I have a tendency to skip when I’m just wanting to watch for Jam related stuff.  But it’s not that bad (comparatively to stuff later on). 

**Women’s Appreciation - Phyllis is flashed, so this leads to Michael wanting to appreciate women more.  It’s actually very good, and a great Pam story line.  

**Beach Games -- Yes, watch this episode, it’s amazing, and possibly one of my favorites -- plus one of the best Pam moments on the show. 

**The Job -- also yes, watch this, it’s kind of the conclusion of the original Jam arc.  

I can’t stress it enough, though, in order for The Job to land, I really, really recommend watching all of seasons 2 and 3.  

Okay, so because there are a lot of episodes here, and seasons 4+ are a little different, I’m gonna change up this guide a little.  

Season 4

Season 4 is shorter because the writer’s strike happened then.  There are a lot of delicious Jam moments, and the show is still functioning pretty well as a sitcom (though it steers into more cartoonish when Michael drives literally into a lake).  I recommend watching the whole season, but highlight episodes are ---

Fun Run (not the best - but great Jam stuff, and resolution to The Job); Money (Jam visits Dwight’s farm); Local Ad (it’s just a fun episode); Dinner Party (Michael and Jan host a dinner party - considered one of the best episodes of the show, but I think that hinges on knowing the characters, so don’t start here, lol); Chair Model (Michael is annoying but great Jam stuff); Goodbye Toby (season finale, lots of good Jam stuff.  

Season 5 

Season 5 I also recommend watching all of.  Jam stuff in pretty much every episode, and it’s still a funny and solid show.  However, highlight episodes include --

Weight Loss; Crime Aid; Customer Surveys; Business Trip; Frame Toby; The Surplus; Stress Relief; Lecture Circuit; The Michael Scott Paper Company Arc (Eps 5x20-5x25); Cafe Disco (one of my favorites), and Company Picnic. 

Season 6

I feel like if you reach Season 6, you know whether or not you want to keep going.  This the first season where I think you can really see a decline in quality.  It’s also the first season that doesn’t heavily feature Jim and Pam as earlier seasons, (they are still main characters, so they do get things in every episode, even if it’s not much) and while there are some great episodes, a lot of this season (to me) feels a little meh and boring.  However - essential episodes -- 

Gossip; Niagara; Murder, Sabre (if you want to understand what’s going on in the rest of the show); The Delivery. 

Okay, I guess that’s not a whole lot.  However -- this season also features an episode I do not go back and watch -- that is the infamous Scott’s Tots.  The less said, the better. 

Season 7 

I like Season 7 a lot better than season 6 - the episodes are better all around, and it’s Steve Carell’s last season.  There’s not a ton of Jam stuff here, but more than season 6.  (I also like Jim and Pam’s dynamic in this season more than season 6′s).  Essential episodes -- 

Nepotism; Andy’s Play (it’s a musical!); The Sting; Costume Contest; Viewing Party (for the Glee!); Classy Christmas; The Search (if you want to know where my URL comes from); PDA; Threat Level Midnight; Garage Sale; Goodbye Michael (minus the subplots).  I don’t really recommend the season finale - Search Committee - but it does set up season 8.  

Season 8

Season 8 isn’t very good.  It’s not that Steve Carell left, it’s that the show didn’t know what to do because he left -- and despite having some great characters to work with, they end up focusing on Ed Helms and James Spader, too much.  You can probably skip to season 9 without missing much, however, there are a few half-way decent things.  I wouldn’t call these essential, but in case you want a taste of season 8

The List; Pam’s Replacement (which is really the only Jam stuff this season); Special Projects, Test the Store.  

Yeah, that’s kinda it.  The post Florida episodes are really terrible (Get the Girl-Fundraiser), and are possibly the worst episodes of the show, so I recommend burying them in the sand and not thinking of them. 

Season 9

I think season 9 is a little underrated, and while a far cry from its heyday (and still way too much Andy), I think overall it’s rather enjoyable.  Also, Jim and Pam get a story line spanning the entire season for the first time since, maybe, season 5 - which is a nice change.  It’s a little hit and miss but it’s nice to see them treated as main characters again.  Honestly, it’s hard to recommend just a handful - so, really, just watch all of it and skip the Andy stuff.  

[happymetalgirl]

May 2020

Umbra Vitae - Shadow of Life

Converge frontman Jacob Bannon is so impressively artistically prolific, sometimes to his own detriment, that I am hardly surprised by the arrival of and results of Shadow of Life, a more death metal-oriented project that still has Converge’s DNA all over it. Still teeming with wild hardcore energy, Shadow of Life is really not all too different in approach from any of Converge’s most direct work, Bannon pulling from a different elemental this time. The project’s brevity works in its favor, but despite being so short, it feels quickly exhausted of its creativity. Converge is made great largely by the dynamic of the band’s direct metalcore aggression and the variety of curveballs they throw in, but Umbra Vitae reduces that to the raw aggression that sure hits hard, but becomes easy to predict after not too long.

6/10

Havok - V

So it’s not as good as Conformicide, but Havok still deliver the goods on their unfortunately unimaginatively named fifth LP. The band’s Megadeth-esque brand of politicallly charged thrash shredding certainly comes at a particularly apt time and the riffs they deliver indeed sound inspired and the performances ripe with frustrating at the various systems that got us to this seminal moment in history. David Sanchez’ piercing, throat-grating screams are as fierce and fiery as ever and impressive in how quickly he’s able to rattle some of his lines off, and the rest of the band remain tight and cohesive across the album’s eleven experience-crafted thrash tunes. Compositionally I feel like there aren’t as many individual high points within songs that made so many tracks on Conformicide such ferocious bangers, but the band certainly still show themselves to be a good few leagues above average when it comes to writing potent thrash. Where I wish the album went harder was the lyrics. Granted this came out right at the beginning of May, before the killing of George Floyd, and was probably recorded and written before if not early on in the pandemic, but it still feels like it could have gone for more than just the usual targets. I appreciate the band’s tackling of the crisis of credibility of modern media on “Post-Truth Era”, their explicit condemnation of the United States’ unhinged military bullying overseas on “Merchants of Death”, and their acknowledgement of the bias/lies of retelling of history by the powerful and how the lies get bigger over time, but I wish the band were this precise and cutting most of the time on this album because so much of its lyricism is super vague, sometimes in a kind of non-comittal way. The song “Fear Campaign” points out the various ingredients in a fascistic rise to authoritarianism happening right now, but it never moves beyond the usual thrash tropes of distrust of government and corporate media. Meanwhile songs like “Don’t Do It” speak just a bit too generally of social despair to pack much of a lyrical punch, while the lyrics to the track “Phantom Force”, whole not particularly offensive, just repetitive paranoid gibberish. It’s not directly related to the music, but it doesn’t help that the band, who have built their identity so heavily on musical political commentary have been rather quiet in the wake of George Floyd’s death and the sharp heightening of the volatility of the political climate. You could argue it shouldn’t impact their music, but it does suggest that they’re intentionally trying to maintain a level of ambiguity in their railing against the system that will allow anyone to read their own ideology into certain crevices, an approach to artistic sociopolitical critique that isn’t really right for this time. Despite that criticism, I still quite enjoy this album for its continuation of the hypercharged thrash the band has been doing so well.

8/10

Green Carnation - Leaves of Yesteryear

Joining the ranks of recently reawakened bands, Green Carnation returns from their fourteen-year slumber with a five-track slab of their trusty slightly gothic/doomy prog and for the most part it goes pretty well. The band’s performances are solid and it sounds like they never even left. The album likes to sway between melancholic (but not entirely hopeless) forms of gothic sorrow and slower classic heavy metal forms of inspiring melody much like Khemmis, Spirit Adrift, or even Pallbearer. I’d say the opening title track is the example most rife with sweet guitar melody that hits this spot well, and while the rest of the album isn’t a drastic drop in quality, the band definitely hit with their best shot first, and overall make a pretty worthwhile comeback.

6/10

Vader - Solitude in Madness

The Polish death metal icons are on their twelfth album now and at this point for them it’s just a matter of proving to themselves that they’re worthy of their status as aforementioned icons of the genre. At this point their solid and consistent discography speaks for itself and justifies the band’s similarly consistent approach. While never being one for overly lengthy projects, Vader’s twelfth is one of their shortest projects to date, not even breaking the half-hour mark, but making great use of its brief runtime nonetheless with vibrant, pummeling performances and just enough compositional dynamic to bring out the quality in everyone’s performances. Sure it’s kind of predictably direct, but that has been Vader’s MO for decades and it continues to deliver ripe, juicy organic death metal, so I’m fine with them not changing their style up with how well they can consistently conjure a half hour or so of sufficiently exciting and potent death metal. What they decline in stylistic evolution they continue to make up for in raw, experienced, and expressive performances, and Solitude in Madness is just another example of it.

7/10

Chaos over Cosmos - II

Dazzling with proggy guitar technicality again on this quick response to last year’s EP, Chaos over Cosmos take another diversion on the vocal front, with the vocals on this album being both much less present and more predominantly unclean. The third track “One Hundred” is probably the standout cut of the four tracks here, layering on the synths and the whispered passages between space-traversing guitar leads. I still think the band could work on making the production a little more crisp and the compositions maybe a little more frequently injected with flair, but I definitely think they’re on the right foot going forward.

6/10

Witchcraft - Black Metal

Going the route of Thou on Inconsolable, Swedish doom occultists Witchcraft bust out an entirely acoustic album quite fit in its ultra depressing tone for these ultra depressing (or enraging) times. Taking such a minimalist approach does pose a bit of a gamble for any band used to a more bulky instrumental arsenal on the make-up-less appeal of the performances at the core of their ethos. Thou absolutely nailed it, and I’d say that Witchcraft are pretty successful here as well, for just how committed to potent acoustic depression Black Metal is. It’s a bit heavy handed at some moments, but for the most part it’s a well-measured half hour of candid sorrow at a rather fitting time for it.

7/10

Tortuga - Deities

I feel like at this point, I’ll give any band points for playing stoner doom and only half sounding like a Black Sabbath rip-off, and Tortuga definitely earn those points. This album actually released on the first day of the new year, but I didn’t hear about it until now, and I figure it’s worth propping up. Deities is the Polish outfit’s sophomore full-length after their eponymous debut in 2017 (which I also missed of course), and it is definitely a breath of fresh air for the genre it represents. Relying not on monotonous Iommi-imitation to carry otherwise thin compositions, Tortuga follow their own uniquely ambient approach to the genre that focuses more on building a dense atmosphere and mood with the thick, hazy guitars and rumbling bass lines than on numbed, bong-worshipping psychedelia. We get a few of the other staple elements of the genre: wild effects-pedal psychedelia, lyrics about mythical Lovecraftian monsters, and audio samples of old-timey Christian fundamentalist preachers fear-mingering about drugs; but none of it sounds contrived or unoriginal. Deities sounds like if Dopethrone-era Electric Wizard had a little more atmospheric dynamic and less on-the-nose Sabbath worship. Granted the vocals on Deities aren’t as fuzzed the fuck out and the bulk of the album is not dedicated to pissed-off, drugged-out, gargantuan heaviness, but it sure is a solid album in the path it walks for itself.

8/10

...and Oceans - Cosmic World Mother

Despite checking all the productional and stylistic boxes for a modern death metal record, Cosmic World Mother offers not very much in the way of anything compositionally or aesthetically unique or exciting. It feels almost like it’s just embodiment of the Emperor/Behemoth-inspired wing of the genre as a hive mind just on autopilot. The band crank out a few brief highlight motifs here and there, the occasional epic pairing of synthetic strings and tremolo-picked guitars, but most of the album is (while competent, no doubt) pretty one-note and predictable in a way that really only becons repeated listens to make sure you’re really sure you’re not missing anything from the homogeneous blend of songs together you remember from your last attempt to stay attentive through it.

6/10

ACxDC - Satan Is King

After a long road to their debut album back in 2014, grindcore stalwarts ACxDC finally follow up with a worthy sophomore effort this year, during which time Full of Hell have happily risen to the occasion on at least two stellar modern grindcore full-length (as loaded of a term as that is for grindcore) releases. But the L.A. quartet is back and quite fired up in the midst of the sociopolitical turmoil that we’ve all been submerged in. While more traditional in its instrumentation, not as laced with industrial noise elements as Full of Hell’s music tends to be, ACxDC captures a similarly powerviolence-adjacent thrashing intensity and the band do not take their foot off the gas at all throughout the 23-minute affair. The guitars blare with a shout all their own and chug with the kind of mechanically smashing crunch found in modern death metal, the drums and the bass lines are never over-the-top in terms of speed or technicality with the band opting more often for synchronized hardcore punches than grinding through blast beats, which probably puts this album deeper into powerviolence territory than I initially let on. And Sergio Amalfitano’s vocals shift from intense death howls and growls to fast-paced blackened hardcore shrieking with respectable fruidity, probably not as erratically as Dylan from Full of Hell, but certainly quite capably. I’ve been turning to a lot of intensely aggressive and violent metal in these infuriating times, particularly grindcore, and Satan Is King has been a solid addition to that alongside the new WVRM and Caustic Wound albums.

8/10

Old Man Gloom - Seminar VIII: Light of Meaning

The prequel to the band’s previously released full-length this year (Seminar IX: Darkness of Being) finds them in an even more esoteric vein than what they were in back in March. Oscillating between Sumac-esque sludge (which Aaron Turner’s vocals make those parts of the album featuring them all the more uncannily similar to) with subtle experimental flair and more modern-Mastodon/Isis-esque sludgy post-metal to full-on noise music experimentation, the band’s “eighth” “seminar” at the very least makes for a dynamic and interesting listen. Some of the band’s exhibitions in certain styles don’t really do much convincing for their branching off into those directions; some of the noise passages feel kind of like waiting at a traffic meter for a more invigorating portion of the album to kick in, as do some of the less-imaginative sludgy sections. But for what the collective do with their array of experiences, influences, and artistic instincts they come through with more hits than misses, I’d say. The longest track on the album, “Final Defeat” is impressively cohesive in its amalgamation of so many sonic elements. though the subsequent and similarly lengthy “Calling You Home” is an example of the other side of that coin, dragging and uneventful. It’s worth at least a cursory listen for its eccentricity alone, it may vibe with you even more than me, if not, at least it’s an interesting meeting of various creative minds in the post-metal sphere.

7/10

Xibalba - Años en Infierno

Offering an especially weighty slab of sludgy/doomy death metal with some tasteful streaks of hardcore and sludge metal mixed in to the dense swirl, Xibalba bring slow-churning, bulky death metal to the conversation of the various injustices and catastrophes of this year, and the band’s hardcore energy and knack for pummeling rhythms in that vein are exactly the kind of pissed off that such an album as Años en Infierno needs. And that hardcore compositional approach and/or mindset means that Años en Infierno is no homogeneously sluggish record; Xibalba pick up the tempo for rapid-fire hits of deathly hardcore punches and slow down to wind up for devastating finishing blows all with magnificent smoothness. Whether trudging through thick, filthy riff sludge like a massive beast stomping its way through a knee-deep muddy battlefield on slow burners like “La Injusticia” and the doom-laden “El Abismo, Pt. 1” or like that same muscular hulk sprinting on dry land on songs like “Santa Muerte” and “En la Oscuridad”, Xibalba are an organic, brutish force in all the ways I like my death metal and hardcore to be, at the same time.

8/10

Behemoth - A Forest

Named after the cover of The Cure’s “A Forest”, Behemoth’s EP-sized mark on 2020 is ultimately a mild one. Intended clearly to show a more eccentric side of the band with the theatrically tortured guest vocals from Niklas Kvarforth of Shining, the band’s cover of the titular track is really not all that wild for a band who came up from raw shitty black metal roots and traversed their way through blackened death metal to the biblical glory of The Satanist; the band have already shown their vast capacity for branching out from and expanding death metal and black metal, and this cover of The Cure happens to be just a more clumsy, rather than illuminating, display of that ambition. It’s not a terrible cover or a poor representation of Behemoth’s ambition, but I don’t think it’s quite the grand statement the band is making it out to be. The same can be said of the redundant inclusion of the live cut of the cover song. As for the other two tracks on here, “Shadows ov Ea Cast upon Golgotha” (which kind of drags and meanders with no real direction) and the more fast-paced “Evoe” (which is at least a lot more fastinstrumentally vibrant), both are solid enough cuts that sound very well like they could have come from the I Loved You at Your Darkest sessions, though not surprisingly notably below par for that course, much less the high bar of The Satanist, which ultimately makes this kind of a benign addiction to Behemoth’s catalogue.

6/10

Helfró - Helfró

This actually came out in April, but I’m late as it is so what the hell, hailing from the small, but mythic black metal scene of Iceland, Reykyavík’s Helfró make quite the standout statement with their self-titled debut record here. At a modest thirty-seven minutes, Helfró is a stinging and searing, but also impressively aggressively balanced display of black metal and blackened death venom. The guitar riffs are sharp and cutting when they need to be and also quite full-bodied while able to keep up with the high-flying tempo set by the double-bass-blast-beat drumming to capture the delirious hysteria of . The band takes their attack from the icy piercing of mountaintop blizzards of speed and distorted dissonance to fiery rumbles of hellishly low guitars and demonic bellows of damnation, and all with such control and gracefullness; I am all for it! This is a hell of a debut record and I will certainly be looking for more from Helfró to come.

8/10

Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

After being completely put off by the band’s self-titled album a couple years ago, I have not returned to Asking Alexandria at all since then, until now with Like a House on Fire. Honestly, I was kind of expecting some sort of response from the band after such a light and messy album to prove to people like me that they can excel with heavy music still, and I mean the only way to go was up after the catastrophe that was the band’s self-titled album, right? Well I was wrong in the kind of response the band came through with; doubling down instead on their departure from metalcore, Asking Alexandria go all in on pop rock and arena rock in a way that I suppose constitutes a mild improvement, but not a justification for their doubling down. The band bit off way more than they could stylistically chew as they clumsily try to chameleon their way into several styles of pop rock. The class consciousness anthem “They Don’t Want What We Want (And They Don’t Care)” and the alternative metal power ballad “In My Blood” offer a brief glimmer of hope for some vital, conscious arena rock for the album, but the shitty motifs and writing decisions don’t take long to follow. With its gratingly annoying vocal riff, “Down to Hell” sounds like a rejected 2000’s Shinedown song (or a 2010’s Shinedown song). “I Don’t Need You” is a glam rock ballad brough to the 21st century with a knock-off-Halsey feature before “Take Some Time” comes through with more annoying vocal wooing. If not outright awful, Like a House on Fire is most often just aggravatingly wash-rinse-repeat boring and banking on current pop rock trends that Asking Alexandria don’t even have a great handle on. Danny Warsnop’s clean vocals and uncomfortable attempts at coming across sultry are especially hard to listen to, as are the completely out of place and unmeshed EDM elements that pop in and out of various tracks. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Bring Me the Horizon’s last album’s blatant pop campaigning, but holy shit at least they were competent and showed they could handle the variety of styles they implemented. Asking Alexandria are clearly trying a similar angle here but they’re not capable of mimicking Shinedown and Imagine Dragons better than either of those bands, and that’s saying something.

2/10

Revenge - Strike.Smother.Dehumanize

Coming up among all the great new grindcore I’ve been finding these past few months, Revenge bring a distinct blackened edge to the brutish force of grindcore and powerviolence. While a pretty effectively churning grind of manic drumming, chaotic bass lines, and jagged guitar galloping, Strike.Smother.Dehumanize is one of the more homogeneous grindcore records I’ve heard this year, spiced up mostly by the artificially low-rumbling toilet bowl growls (that do lose their novelty before the album’s finish) and the consistent individual flair brought by each members’ performances. But compositionally, the band doesn’t really abide by much more than the usual grindcore mantra of constant intensity, but at that it sure is successful.

7/10

Bleed from Within - Fracture

The fifth album from Glasgow’s Bleed from Within brings such a pedestrian and unambitious of a forty-two-minute offering of melodic metalcore as seemingly possible. It’s just like the definition of a baseline, C-grade performance with passable performances of predictable resortings to of metalcore’s most trodden out tropes; like I saw the opening track’s title, “The End of All We Know”, and I knew exactly how that chorus was gonna go before I even heard it. For its few sick breakdowns like those on “Pathfinder” and “Utopia”, there’s just so much more filler generic metalcore (and some completely unsatisfying breakdowns too) to get through. I’ll give Ali Richardson credit for coming through with some impressive double-bass syncopation that sometimes breaks from the metalcore mold to give the music som brief flashes of being more than ignorable metalcore, and I’ll acknowledge the considerable gusto of Scott Kennedy’s vocal performance across the album as its most consistent positive feature, but it’s not enough to make me eager to return to Fracture as a whole or even throw any tracks into my workout playlist.

5/10

Okkultokrati - La Ilden Lyse

In their prolific first decade or so of action, Okkultokrati have done a decent job injecting grimy hardcore crust punk and a head-turning variety of other styles into the kvlt black metal of their Oslo hometown. After nearly four years of crafting since their most aesthetically ambitious effort to date, Raspberry Dawn, La Ilden Lyse is a bit of a regressive and stylistically reductive letdown after its lush and fascinating predecessor. The production of the black metal elements is much cleaner now, but the trade-off isn’t worth it, especially given that the fuzzier production of the previous albums kind of partially contributed to the unique aesthetic the band cultivated. I don’t know what the point was of going more traditional/typical this time around, but the band certainly aren’t making a stronger case for themselves by blending in MORE with their contemporaries. I hope this is just a one-off and the band get back to making more interesting black metal again soon.

5/10

Alestorm - Curse of the Crystal Coconut

I said in my review of Alestorm’s previous album that I am continuously amazed at how the pirate metal masters are able to keep finding material in their super specific vein, especially with how fresh 2017’s No Grave But the Sea sounded while returning to the more “traditional” sound that characterized the band’s debut album. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Curse of the Crystal Coconut finds the band playing around with their sound a bit in a similar way to what they did on Sunset on the Golden Age, and I would say this year’s effort to grow their sound went a good bit better than it did on that aforementioned preceding album. The band are as irreverent in their wacky sea shanty storytelling as ever (and I wouldn’t have it any other way), though they bring a few “futuristic” (for pirates’ times) elements to the table here, which a folk metal purist could certainly argue are blasphemously out of place on a record about pirate life, but if you’re a purist like that I doubt you’re listening to a sixth Alestorm LP to begin with. I actually think the band did well to make these new elements a part constructive to the overall campy aesthetic of their sound. Opening the canon hatches is “Treasure Chest Party Quest” with a hedonistic schlock rock mission statement that sounds like if Kansas were a bunch of Viner douchebags, but moving into the melodic shanty “Fannybaws” right out of the gate reaffirms the band’s folk metal chops. But it’s the introduction of hip hop elements on “Tortuga” that shows Alestorm is here to sail pirate metal to the farthest corners of the seven seas as they can; the band’s foray into trap territory under the influence of this lighthearted and loveable ambition with Captain Yarrface on this track is honestly impressive. And the band’s experimentation doesn’t end there, with “Zombies Ate My Pirate Ship” also featuring the unexpectedly beautiful vocal feature from Patty Gurdy. All these modern music elements made me ponder the possibility of a modern, internet-pirate-themed Alestorm record; perhaps someday... Beyond just the introduction of electronic elements, the thrashy folk bangers like “Chomp Chomp” and “Pirate’s Scorn” are welcome shots of liquor to jolt the album into pirate eager mode while melodic folk metalcore bangers like he nonsensically gorgeous “Zombies Are My Pirate Ship” are surprisingly invigorating. The quick metaphoric jab at the band’s imitators (or detractors) on “Shit Boat (No Fans)” is a good bit of fighting pirate spirit breaking the fourth wall creatively. There’s also the ridiculously overly epic sequel to the fast-chanting nonsense track, “Wooden Leg”, from Sunset on the Golden Age, whose conclusion is so beautifully stupid *chef’s kiss*. Honestly, I needed this album so badly this year, and I’m glad Alestorm came through with such a fun expansion pack of pirate metal tunes.

8/10

Sorcerer - Lamenting of the Innocent

I don’t know what happened. I loved this album the first time I heard it, but my enjoyment with every subsequent listen since then has been significantly diminished. Perhaps I was just appreciative of the dose of classic heavy metal with tasteful modern production updates to liven up my repertoire of new albums to listen to. As grand, nostalgic, and even 2000’s-Maiden-esque as Sorcerer’s sixth album is, I can’t help but feel at least somewhat distracted by how heavily derivative it is of the NWOBHM, even as it takes some cues from Candlemass and Dream Theater to elevate its grandiosity through proggy, epic doom metal. Now all those influences do combine into a generally effective and exciting aesthetic, and I do think the core sound the band have tapped into is potent and worth chasing, as evidenced by songs like “Institoris” and “Dance with the Devil”, but that sound at its best doesn’t show up in full enough on this album. Lamenting of the Innocent is hampered so heavily by its length and the proportion of that length that is comprised of filler balladry like “Deliverance” or the just slightly too dragged out “Where Spirits Die” and unnecessary repetition that draws out even the better parts of the album like the title track. For all this nit-picking, I feel like I should at least emphasize that I do still quite like this album for its solid performances, especially Anders Engberg’s tactful operatic vocals and the distinctly NWOBHM-style duel-guitar soloing from Kristian Niemann and Peter Hallgren. I do hope that Sorcerer do continue to distill their sound down to its best elements because I could see them being a shining beacon for the continued reverence for the era of heavy metal they so heavily emulate.

7/10