#meanwhile I was stung a few weeks ago and it hurt so badly!

[harmonizewithechoes]

Today was such a mixed bag in terms of events that happened (so much happened 😳) but I’m currently riding the high of having found the perfect dress that makes me genuinely feel pretty and happy about my body! The last time that happened was prom 10 years ago with a ridiculous ball gown I’ll never wear again lol but that’s not even the best part! The best part of this perfect dress that will work for all occasions- casual get togethers, weddings, date nights, etc depending on jewelry and outerwear- is that it was found at a thrift store for $5!! Literally could not have been more perfect 🥰 after 3 kids I had kind of resigned myself to never really liking my body again and was focusing on body neutrality. But this dress gave me such a confidence boost! I didn’t even know it was possible.

[calliecat93]

Well didn’t get this done before Chapter Five came out, but I’m still MUCH more caught up than I had been. Good thing they’re going on a six week break here soon since that’ll not only let me catch my barrings... but let my soul have a break, GOOD GOD THESE PAST TWO CHAPTERS HIT HARD!As far this specific chapter goes... boy I did not expect me to shock me as much as it did. So w\let’s not waste anymore time and jump right into it.

Overview

Robyn is recalling a story about Joanna in prison, but neither Jaques or Qrow are all that into. But she does manage to get Qrow to finally smile, as well as notice him still holding Clover’s badge. She apologizes for what happened, which lets Qrow vent about the entire fiasco and how for the first time in so long, it felt like he had made a connection without having to fear his Semblance ruining it. Robyn... actually understands, herself having been ostracized due to her lie detecting Semblance making people fear her revealing their secrets. Harriet and Marrow enter, throwing Watts ack into his cell. Harriet doesn’t believe Qrow declaring his innocence, even when Robyn offers to use her Semblance. Robyn also calls Harriet out on essentially blaming others and not caring about the truth since it’s easier for her to not accept her own blame. Before Harriet can act, Marrow stops her and the speedster storms off/

Back in the tundra, JYR are still giving chase to The Hound, Jaune even launching Ren at it. It doesn’t work and The Hound even calls for backup, summoning more Grimm. It leads to a giant chase sequence, including a new song that IDT has a title yet, but it is dark as Hell. The chase ends with two of the bikes being destroyed, Yang and Jaune almost falling over a cliff until Ren uses his grappling features to save them, and the three are forced to watch as The Hound escapes with Oscar in it’s clutches. Back up in Atlas, RWBNM have gone to, surprisingly, the Schnee Manor to lay low and tend to Nora. Whitley is less than pleased, especially with what Weiss did not even 24 hours ago in-show, but Weiss makes it clear that they’re not leaving and she sends him to his room. As Weiss and May tend to Nora, Blake sees Ruby worried about the others. She suggests that Ruby can still call Yang... but there’s one problem, Ruby already did.

JYR are out of signal range, forcing them to make their way back to Mantle on-foot. During the trek however, Ren’s closed up attitude is flaring up, which eventually causes Yang to get on his case. Ren i9s frustrated due to not just losing Oscar, but everything that has happened. Losing the Relics, Ironwood’s betrayal, the current Grimm attack with Salem just outside the doorstep. Even with yang pointing out their accomplishments and admitting that they have made mistakes but still pulled through, Ren’s anger flares as he points out that they are WAY in over their heads. Jaune tries to calm them both down, but Ren continues to point to how Ruby is leading them despite still being a kid, he himself is an orphan form the middle of nowhere, and the biggest shock is him getting after Jaune for forging his way into Beacon. This shocks everyone, even Ren himself, but Jaune simply says that he’s getting out of the cold and walks on. Yang asks if Ren just wats to push everyone away before following, leaving Ren shocked and upset.

Meanwhile... oh boy, this scene. Oscar wakes up and standing right across from him is Salem. She addresses Ozma and how long it’s been since she’s seen him and... yeah it’s pretty unsettling. Oscar tries to act like Oz, but Salem sees right through it and tries to get Oscar to give her answers. He genuinely doesn’t know where the Beacon Relic is, so Salem tries to get the password to the Lamp out. When he tries to use the ‘out of questions’ ploy... Salem uses her magic to... magically torture him... yeah it’s... rough. Oscar still doesn’t talk, so Salem brings out Hazel... you know, the guy who hayes Oz probably more than anyone and has sworn to kill him? Yeah...

Cinder meets with Salem, taken back by The Hound which Salem calls an experiment. Cinder again tries to convince her to let her go after Penny, but Salem again orders her to stay put. Cinder agrees... well, verbally anyways. But she knows that the heroes are likely going to still try and launch Amity, so sh decides to go for the Maiden Power anyways. Neo is less than thrilled with this plan, but Cinder has another person willing to help her: Emerald.

Back in the tundra, JYR have found shelter for the night and Jaune admits that Ren is correct about how he cheated his way into Beacon. But he’s since realized that he was above his mistake and tries to convince Ren to not push them out, knowing fully well how all that it does is hurt you more. If it did any good, Ren doesn’t show it as he goes to sit outside. Yang has found a part to fix the bike and also assures Jaune that she knows that he worked hard to get to where he is now. She starts working on the part before asking Jaune if ‘she’ thinks any less of her. Jaune, assuming that she means Ruby, assures her that they’re sisters and will be fine... but Yang was talking about a certain cat girl. Our episode ends here... but not before showing us the ice nearby beginning to crack... thanks a lot CRWBY!

Review

Like I said in the intro, I didn’t expect this chapter to shock me like it did. Did I expect intensity? Of course, especially after the last chapter? Did I expect what we got? Nope, but it was perfect!

Let’s talk about Ren first. Ever since last volume, it’s been clear that he’s been unraveling. He wasn’t engaging in Nora’s antics anymore, was more closed up than usual, seemed in agreement with Ironwood at one point, and of course his mini-breakdown in the finale Not even Nora and him kissing helped, heck considering what happened after it only seemed to make him worse. Even now he’s at serious odds with Nora for the first time since childhood, something that is clearly bothering him despite him keeping it to the chest. He’s trying to keep his focus on his duty, but with everything going more and more wrong, the facade is not only shattering, but the cracks are causing him to push those close to him away.

His argument with Yang was a tense moment. I like it though. Not only for more unique character dynamics, but out of every character Yang will lay it out as it is. If Ren’s going to have an attitude problem, then she will call it out and not give a damn about the reason why. Since Nora can’t get though to him, the harsher approach is kind of the only thing left. Ren’s breakdown was hard to watch... and he is right to an extent. They are in over their heads. Their decision, even if the right one morally, is creating more problems and endanger more lives. Ruby is still a kid and she’s placed far too much on herself. I think he is underestimating himself and the others about not being ready, but his concerns are completely understandable and he has some good, if harsh, points.

But then he brings up Jaune cheating his way into beacon. Yeah, been a while since that came up, huh? I actually gasped when that came up. While Ren clearly didn’t mean for that to come out, the fact that he did when pointing out that they’re way over their heads does display at least some doubts he has about his leader. JNR have grown close over the past few volumes, Ren and Nora essentially considering Jaune family by the time of Volume 6. So hearing this was hard, especially since all that Jaune was doing was trying to calm him and Yang down.

I do, however, like how Jaune reacted. Back in the early volumes, he likely would have taken it as a blow to his confidence and gotten huffy about it. Now? While the blow clearly stung, he keeps himself in check and keeps focus on finding shelter. Then once there, he outright admits that Ren’s right and tries to comfort him. He tries to advise him on opening up and how closing yourself off doesn’t help. Considering that he tried this both in V1 when we found out how he cheated and after Pyrrha died and only getting better when he allowed others to help, he absolutely knows how Ren feels. But the fat that he handled this so maturely and tried to help his friend instead of get angsty about it shows how much he’s grown. It’s really nice to see.

Now let’s talk about Weiss and Whitley. So this got some... mixed reception. Some were upset about Weiss pointing her weapon and Whitley and her general harsh behavior towards him this chapter. Now I do understand the first part since I was similarly annoyed at Yang for threatening Qrow in Volume Six when all that he was trying to do was be reasonable about the Lamp. It was likely too harsh, but in farness Weis sis not only trying to help save the kingdom, but one of her teammates is in critical condition and she has no time for Whitley to be angry at her. The Manor is the safest place at the moment, and she needs to get Nora care now. Not saying it’s a justification, but it isn’t her being mean for the sake of it either.

But even so... guys I’m sorry, but do you seriously expect Weiss to suddenly forgive and coddle Whitley this soon? After years of him belittling her and rubbing his success in her face while she was punished, not to mention seeming more concerned about the family reputation than the current conflict? I’m sorry , but it’s not that simple. Yes, Whitley is also a victim who was manipulated and groomed by his father and unlike Weiss, he was never able to get a proper support system or have any family to help like how Weiss had Winter. I do feel bad for him, and I do think that Weiss will take her mother’s words form the last volume and will help Whitley later in the volume. But they’ve both hurt each other. Whitley by treating Weiss badly, and Weiss not giving him support like she was given. They’re both victims AND hurt each other. Some try to paint it as one is problematic and the other is an innocent child, and that’s simply untrue. They’re only going to realize that if and when they talk out their problems with each other out, it’s just a matter of when it’ll be. It takes time to mend these kinds of things, sadly.

Next is the villains scene... ho boy. So I’m gonna wait on Cinder for the next chapter, but her ignoring Salem in favor of power isn’t a shock at all. No, let’s discuss Oscar. Just... this poor, poor kid. He’s trying to be brave, but seeing him get tortured and especially the screaming?! Aaron Dismuke, why do this to me you jerk?! I do admire him for trying it imitate Oz and keep his composure, but it was just so... brutal to watch. Salem doing it so calmly and being perfectly willing to wait for the answers since she can just make Oscar suffer is... well, evil. And don’t think I missed her with the shadow versions of her daughters. Some say that humanizes her, but since she remorsefully tortured a child and sicked an emotionally unstable brute to physically harm him without a care in the world... no. It didn’t excuse Ironwood, and it sure as Hell isn’t excusing Salem. Tis just makes her all the more terrifying.

Okay... last thing is that scene at the end. The Bumblebee implication scene. So... I won’t lie it did annoy me at first. Before anyone says anything, it was NOT because of hating the ship or anything stupid like that. I’m not a huge Bumblebee fan, but anyone who keeps saying there’s nothing there at this point is living in denial. It’s happening people and since at least Volume 6, I think they’ve been doing it pretty well. My issue is mainly just because... we’ve had plenty of Bumblebee content. Volume 7 had them together in pretty much every scene, and I just don’t like having a pair of characters limited like that. I had the same issue with Renora, especially in Volumes 1-3, and with shipping in general. The main reason though is that I want there to be some more focus on Ruby and Yang because I feel like it’s been a long time and that there is a genuine conflict between them that can bring some interesting things for both. I’m not saying they need to be at each other’s throats, but siblings DO argue and no, it doesn’t always get easily resolved and I am speaking form experience here. To be fair it could happen later and Ruby herself hasn’t been pondering on it that much either. Heck Blake seemed more concerned about it than either of them have. But I would like to see more than just the one pair that I’ve already seen focused on plenty of times because it’s limiting. That’s just a personal thing though and I’ve always enjoyed sibling stuff more than romance, so yeah just a me thing.

That being said, those saying that Yang doesn’t care about Ruby need to calm down. No, that is NO the case. Did we forget Yang trying to console a broke Ruby despite her own grief just last volume? Mere hours ago in-show at that? Despite what I said above and while she’s clearly concerned after Ruby’s recent choices, Yang still loves and ultimately trusts her sister. She never said that she didn’t think that Ruby would fail or was wasting her time, she just felt like Mantle needed them more and the consequences to trying were too much. Heck this is a spoiler, but considering her reaction in the next chapter, it only reinforces that belief. At least with Blake, this is the first time they’ve willingly split apart and Yang clearly still has some abandonment issues and concerns. Plus... yeah, it’s natural when you have feelings for someone to worry if they made a bad choice that may make them doubt them. Blake won’t, but it’s understandable. Heck, Blake was clearly concerned about Yang when trying to get Ruby to call. I think she was trying to comfort Ruby as well with the suggestion, but it was still pretty evident... also Ruby and Blake interaction, yay! Still yeah guys, let’s just... chill a little bit and see what more comes of anything.

Okay, got that out of my system, and I apologize if it came across wrong. Whatever annoyance I had I’m over anyways, especially after the recent chapter. Anyways, the chapter had so much good. Plus we not only had a badass chase sequence, but a new song! Again, IDK the title, but it was another banger for sure. The opening scene with row and Robyn bonding and Robyn calling out Harriet was great. Marrow’s subtle expressions showing how not okay he is, and I’m seriously hoping that he may be the one to free the others. It would be a really good move for his character in him deciding that being lawful doesn’t equal the right thing, and making it right especially considering his interaction with Robyn last volume. The animation was good with the backgrounds looking fantastic, the pacing has been on fire, and of course that ominous ending. God they’re trying to keep us on edge, and I love it!

Chapter Stats

Favorite Character: Lie Ren Favorite Scene: Ren losing it in the tundra Least Favorite Scene: Probably the wrong term, but seeing Oscar be tortured while well done was hard. Favorite Voice Actor: Neath Oum (Ren Favorite Animation: JYR chasing The Hound Rating: 9.9/10

Final Thoughts

This was fantastic, especially in the character department. I haven’t been this shocked in a good while. It hurt no doubt, but the writing and voice performances were so well done. Seriously, this is probably Neath’s best performance to date. Add in the great animation, the tone being on point, and the set-ups with the Schnee Manor and cracking ice and the fact that this is only Chapter Four is crazy. But it’s only going to get crazier people... oh so, so much crazier. Only one review to go until I’m back to being caught up... my poor heart XD

[rhapsody-under-pressure]

Words to Remember

Life can change in a second. Freddie learned that the hard way. Words that are said, things that are done, consequences that could never have been foreseen; the future is always changing and one can only look to their memories and the past to make sense of what's to come.

The sun had long ago set, the clock was ticking closer and closer to three in the morning, and there hadn’t even been a single knock at the door to tell him that he was coming home. What was his excuse this time around? ‘I was just with my friends’ Yes for the tenth time this week instead of being home or telling me. ‘I was working at the studio’ Let me come, I can help and I know you need me. ‘It was last minute and someone needed my help with something.’ Then let me know! Dammit I don’t spend time waiting for you to go out with your friends and do everything with them first instead of coming home or at least telling me that you’ll be out instead of making me sit here wondering where the hell you have been for the past eight hours.

John sighed in defeat, collapsing against the cushion of the couch as the clock finally struck three. What was it with Freddie? He’d been so clingy back when they had first gotten together and had been so protective over him that he barely left his side. Apparently it just took a few years for it to vanish and now he was all the more stubborn and absent. He knew he still loved him, the times when he was in the mood for being romantic or even remotely intimate were truly memorable since their singer was such a lovable flirt. But with that came constant periods where he’d take a break from all that and would just leave to do his own thing. With all the absences he couldn’t help but fear that he might be getting around to doing things with other people, even if they meant absolutely nothing to him and they’d just be a phase in his life that he probably wouldn’t remember in less than a week. It all stung. The knowledge that he wasn’t good enough for him to get a remote phone call or even him leaving a damn letter on the kitchen counter about where he was going and whether or not he’d be back late was making his blood boil while also making his heart ache.

“Hey…”

A sudden voice startled him as he looked up at their hallway, seeing Roger smile gently towards him as he flattened out his own nightshirt. He shook his head, swallowing back his anger towards his lover and taking in a shaky breath.

“He hasn’t come back yet, has he?”

“No.”

Roger paused for a moment, his hands slowly falling slack to his sides before he shrugged. “I-I’m sure he’ll be back in the morning.”

John scoffed, his jaw clenching. “Like you know. You got a boyfriend who loves to spend time with you every day and night even after so many years while mine is so promiscuous and irresponsible that he can’t fucking call me.”

Roger immediately flinched at his harsh response, guilt washing over him as he bit back his anger that he was feeling towards his lover and uttered a quick apology, leaning back against his seat and dragging his hand across his face. What on earth is it with him and all of this? And he’s the hypocrite who’ll throw a huge fit if I fuck up but if I say a damn thing towards him, it’s meant to ‘not be taken seriously’ and for me to ‘cheer up’ every damn time.

“It’s like he doesn’t bother with me anymore ‘cause he’s got all his friends out there to go fuck around with but because I don’t go out with him all the time to follow them around, I get left here.”

“Well, why don’t you go out with him then?”

“Do I look like the kind of guy who’d go out to some S&M bar at three in the morning?"

“I’m sure he doesn’t mean to forget.” Roger stated, trying to add a hopeful spin on top of his words. Yet they proved to be rather contradictory as John shot up from his laid back position on the couch and kicked at the coffee table in front of him. Tears of frustration hung at the corner of each of his eyes. He doesn’t get it; he gets Brian hanging onto his side like he had ever since you met them. Even when they argue, they fix what they’ve done wrong.

“Right, cause he always seems so giddy to come home and listen to what I say instead of passing out on our bed because he’s tired after staying up until bloody five in the morning with enough alcohol stuffed into him to kill a horse! And then what does he do? Not even let me ask a damn thing ‘cause he’ll blow it off for the next few months before he calms right down again and repeats it over and over and fucking over!”

Their drummer didn’t bother responding, the despair that followed his outburst showing that he wasn’t in the mood for arguing with him about his relationship with his boyfriend. He should know better. He’s the one with the boyfriend who listens meanwhile mine’s just an overgrown infant! Roger ran his hand through his hair, flashing a worried glance down the hall towards his own boyfriend as a hard crack of thunder sounded from outside their flat, the flash of lightning that followed illuminating the slight darkness of their apartment for a quick second before dimming again.

“Good night John.” Roger told him bluntly before turning down the hall to return to his bedroom, his own anger soon returning to the surface as John muttered another insult about their drummer’s naivety. He wished there was some damn way to show someone, anyone, what he wanted to show them. Just so that he wouldn’t have to have someone get annoyed with him because he isn’t up for dealing with this again or have to deal with someone telling him that he’s being too controlling when he knew damn well that he wasn’t.

Guess I’ll wait until morning again before I see him. John thought bitterly as he got up from his seat and made his way down the hall. He slammed his door closed behind him, his fist coming down hard on the wooden frame behind him as he saw the empty bed once again, his worry quickly growing sparser as he wanted something to change for once, any one thing so that he won’t have to listen to any more of Freddie’s childish excuses and for him to claim that he’s too “overbearing” or whatever it was that he saw that he was doing wrong that time again. It’d just repeat itself again and again and again and John couldn’t help but want for it to just stop. 

...

Daytime came around, the rays of sunlight from his opened window yanking him out of the final phase of sleep as his eyes stiffly opened, reducing themselves to a mere squint at the harsh light that filled his room. It was a lovely sight and a nice contrast to the previous night’s storm that had ravished their neighborhood for the past day. He turned over, just grabbing on to the sliver of hope that he’d see his sleeping boyfriend with the duvet pulled over his shoulders and jaw slack against the pillows. Alas, all he got was the empty spot, not a disturbance in the mattress to be seen. Not even a note left on either one of their nightstands so that he would at least know if he made it home and was out in the living room or just anything.

He groaned out of half sleepiness and half annoyance as he tugged the blankets over his head again, hoping to drown out the insulting sight of the pleasant day that was occurring outside while his own mind was darkening with rage once again. He’s not a damn child John, he can take care of himself. But he does this every single time he goes out. Even a phone call to tell me that he’s at a hotel or something would be better. I trust him that he’ll get home okay but he just needs to stop doing this day in and day out. He could get hurt or worse. God knows what’ll happen because he’s so damn reckless...You’re not controlling him...you know that! So why does everyone else seem to think that when you just want him safe?

Eventually he shoved himself out of bed, his heart and stomach sinking at the prospect of having to wait till midday before he got home and he’d go through his usual apology that he had been drunk and didn’t remember to call him and didn’t trust himself with walking home so he crashed at one of his friend’s houses again. He shuffled over to his dresser after cleaning up in the bathroom, tossing on one of the shirts Freddie had gotten for his birthday a few months back. He headed down the hallway, still trying his hardest to soothe his anger back down so that he won’t explode at Roger or Brian if they were out in the front room once again. Yet instead he was greeted with the sloppy sight of their singer, laid out on top of the couch face first, his shirt missing, hair badly unkempt, a smear of dirt across the side of his face, and a dark red stain atop the side of his jeans. All his previous efforts were proven futile, his nails digging into the palms of his hands as he curled them into fists once again at the lazy sight of Freddie, who had indeed managed to come home last night but hadn’t bothered to do anything of the sort prior to let him know that he was alright.

“Freddie-fucking-Mercury!” He seethed through clenched teeth in a low, threatening voice. “Get your ass up from the fucking couch now.”

John grabbed Freddie’s arm and yanked him into a seated position, his dazed and tired expression only irritating him more. God it was exactly like watching after a child who didn’t know left from right: having to wake them up, make sure they’re alright, and everything else that accompanied it.

“I’m up, I’m up! Jesus Christ it’s only ten in the morning.” Freddie groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he released his hard grip around his arm.

“Yes and what time were you up with your friends until? Four? Five? Hell, probably six knowing you!”

“Knowing-The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Dammit Freddie it’s the tenth time in the past two months that you’ve gone out with your friends without me and didn’t call me or message me at all to let me know that you’re alright!”

“Is that what this is all about again? John, I’m not your damn child-”

“Then stop fucking acting like one! God dammit it’s not that hard to call at least once to let me know that you’re alright or coming home or dammit even if it’s just to say hi and to hang up immediately!”

“I’m older than you and I don’t expect you to do the same when you go out on your own!”

“That’s because it’s broad daylight and it’s for an hour or two at the most and you go out for nearly twelve hours at night. Look at you! What the hell even happened last night? Or are you too hungover to even remember?” John growled in response, taking a challenging step towards his partner whose unrelenting gaze met his in an act of defense. “I shouldn’t have to wake you up in the morning and baby you because you decided to drink your weight in alcohol the night before!”

“So what? I haven’t died or gotten hurt from going out? Plus, it’s not like you’re any better! Every damn time you get drunk I’ve got to lug you around so you don’t get hit by a bloody car! So don’t go and act like you’re some saint because you know damn well that I can at least operate in the morning.”

“Operate?!” John spat. “You sit there on the couch and pass out until noon!”

“And you can’t even function for the rest of the day! Hell at least I will do my job regardless if I’m hungover or not. You sit there and act like you got a concussion!”

Freddie stepped forward after shouting his own retort, glaring at him directly in his eyes as he dug his index finger into his chest. “And don’t get me started on trying to wake you the hell up after I listen to you whenever you want my damn cock up your ass.”

“Amazing! You can’t even go five minutes without talking about sex you pervert.” John replied, knocking his hand off of his chest and raising his hands up in defeat. “I give up with you. It’s a constant state of me needing to watch after you but I go ask for one thing and it’s like pulling teeth to-”

“Stop acting like you always are perfect you fucking prick!” Freddie interrupted. “You’re the one who’s completely unable to open that thick skull of yours to think past what you believe to be true and to see my point of view! I’m out with my damn friends and I always come back home every single morning don’t I?” He asked in a low, threatening tone. “Jesus Christ like you would know about getting outside! You don’t ever want to go anywhere with me but when I do by myself, suddenly I’m the bad guy! I offer to go to quieter places just to get you out of the house but you’d rather stay home and sit on your ass all night long!”

John growled in frustration once more. It was useless trying to break through his demeanor. Why was he even bothering with it anymore? All he was going to get was the same useless excuses and the same things thrown back in his face whenever he brought this back up. It was useless. It was repetitive. It was exhausting. And he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know what Freddie, why the hell do I even bother anymore? I just want you to stay in contact with me-”

“Fuck that, you wouldn’t do the same thing with me if it was just you going out so stop acting like some fucking hypocrite. You just don’t trust me. Mr. Promiscuous is just going to go out and fuck any guy who’s got a big dick right?” He accused, his eyes ablaze with fury.

“Prove me wrong for once then! The amount of times I’ve seen you come home with hickies all over your neck and you’ve the nerve to try and say you don’t go and cheat on me!” Freddie rolled his eyes and groaned loudly. “Then you tell me why the hell you’ve got bruises all along your neck then! Hm? What is it then?”

“It doesn’t bloody matter what they are! You sit here acting controlling every time I go out and treat me like some teenager who didn’t shoot their mother a call from a payphone or whatever! I have to go out and drag your damn ass around every time we do go out because you get any alcohol in you and you have your hand in a cast or nearly crash the car cause you can’t function with it!” Freddie barked. “Can’t trust me for a minute, can you? But you go out and snog some broad in public and then it’s perfectly fine when I’m around!”

“I don’t go out enough then? Fine then, maybe I should go out!” He spat, already marching towards the door. “See how you fucking like it without knowing where I am!”

“Oh piss off already you cynical bastard!” Freddie snarled, John grabbing his keys and slamming the door behind him, hearing Freddie give another harsh “Fuck you!” from behind the door.

John slammed his car door shut, grabbing the steering wheel and tightening his grip until his knuckles turned white. Blood boiled beneath his skin and tears of anger burned at the edge of his eyes. What on earth was wrong with him? Did Freddie honestly think he had the edge over him? All those times he’d gone out without him because he can’t sit still was absolutely ridiculous and then he has the nerve-the absolute gall-to go and say he’s wrong.

He turned the engine on, revving it for second before blaring the horn for a straight five seconds, hoping that Freddie heard it so he knew he was gone and not just standing in the stairwell. While ignoring the startled stares of the nearby pedestrians and the next string of honks from a few passing cars, he pulled out of the parking space and drove off.

I should just go out for the whole night. Scare the living shit out of him so he doesn’t hear a damn thing from me and see what it’s like! John thought, a plan already starting to form in his head. Just a simple taste of Freddie’s own medicine. He didn’t necessarily have to get drunk, though he did plan on going somewhere to get something anyway just to worsen Freddie’s worry. A bottle of whisky or brandy would do the trick. Then just stay at a hotel until the next day. Or stay another two or three to really make him worried. Slowly, his speed continued to increase. John barely noticed his foot moving down even more and more onto the pedal as he zoomed down the street, his autopilot taking over as he swerved around the cars around him and tried to get somewhere he wouldn’t have to even hear Freddie’s name for a good few days. 

God that damn prick doesn’t get it, does he? What a naïve bastard. John thought venomously. It wasn’t his fault, it was Freddie’s and he knew Roger or Brian would agree with him if he ever told them. Even when he did come back, he didn’t want any of Freddie’s bullshit apologies. He’d end up accepting it and then he’d go right out and do it again. He wanted proof he’d change. 

Yet he wouldn’t and he knew he wouldn’t. Freddie was stubborn and did what made him happy. While he loved to preach about making others happy, he always somehow put himself among that group. John clenched his jaw, his nails now digging into his palms. It was always about him and he wanted to make sure everyone knew that. He didn’t care about him. It always has and will always be Freddie, Freddie, Freddie-

A loud scream sounded from in front of him. John snapped back into reality and out of his thoughts, seeing a woman and her two sons screaming as she tried blocking him and shielding them. In a split second, he yanked the wheel to the left, narrowly dodging the group, before seeing the telephone pole appear before him.

...

“I mean honestly! Does he really think he’s right in all this crap!” Freddie shouted, flailing his hands around as though that was going to help Roger or Brian understand what he was getting at. “I’m not fucking ten! Hell I’m older than him! I’m right aren’t I? I mean you wouldn’t be happy if Brian got all pissy with you cause you went out without him?! Or if Roger blew up at you for the same thing?! Besides, is it right for him to hover over me like that? Wonder where I am like I can’t handle it myself?!”

Freddie whirled around, slamming his hands down onto the counter and staring helplessly at the other two. He knew he was right. Why the hell did John think he was wrong? It’s on him that he can’t get over him merely kissing someone else when he did the exact same thing! He groaned out of annoyance, throwing his hands back up and marching back around the flat.

“Then he’s got the nerve to just storm out like that! Jesus and I’m the one who’s got the short temper!”

“He’ll come back anyway. You two can talk more about it then.” Brian tried.

“He better apologize.” Freddie muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And you too. You both blew up at each other. You’ll recover anyway.”

His anger began to subside, Freddie trying to calm himself down even faster by slowing his breathing. He knew Brian was right about apologizing to one another, even though he still didn’t feel like talking to John for another four days.

“I know we shouldn’t have fought again but it gets so frustrating at times. John claims he’s concerned but-”

“But he is concerned Fred.” Roger finally said. “You should’ve seen him last night. He was worried.”

“It still doesn’t give him the right to treat me like a child. Or to say that me kissing someone else is wrong while he does it to some random broad.”

“Yes, that’s hypocritical but it’s just something from the spur of the moment. Look, when he gets back, you two can talk it out.” Brian said, laying his glass down onto the table and swirling around the last bit of juice.

“You two still love one another, that’s what’s important. Both of you always find a way to move on when you two fight. That’s a good thing. If you two broke up after every fight then that’s what would be worrying.” Brian told him.

“Of course I love him…I just wish he would understand that I’m fine when I go out on my own. It’s not like I’ve a portable phone in my pocket so I can call him whenever.”

“Explain it to him. If things get too heated, we’ll come out here to help settle it down. You need your own space away from him, that’s fine. But you also have to know that John does worry about you when he has no way of hearing from you for hours.”

“I guess…” Freddie finally admitted as he crumbled down onto the couch. “Great…Now I just feel awful…” He said, guilt now replacing all the heated anger than had once been there. “I just wish it wouldn’t escalate that quickly…”

“As said, talk it out with him. He’s cooling down right now too and you two can talk about it when he gets here. You’ll reconcile and laugh about it at some point.” Roger continued, giving a genuine grin his way.

He reciprocated it. They’d be fine. In all honesty, he couldn’t imagine losing him over this stupid argument. It surely wasn’t the worst thing to happen between them, Freddie now thinking when he had actually smashed a plate against John because of a particularly harsh row between them roughly two years prior. To his knowledge, he couldn’t even remember how that one even started! If that one was something that he could forget, this one would be too. Confidence began to overtake the guilt, although he still felt an annoying sense of dread over when that door did open and they would have to talk again.

“I’m gonna head out then. I gotta get something a few blocks away. You know that corner store I’m talking about, right?” Roger suddenly said as he rummaged through his pockets.

“The one with that vodka you like that’s always on sale?” Brian asked.

“Gotta get more of that to be honest. Haven’t had it in a while.” Roger told them as he got up from his chair.

“Mind if I tag along?” Freddie asked. “Not gonna waste time sitting here.”

Roger only shrugged, motioning towards the door while he tugged on his coat. Brian bid them farewell just as Freddie tugged on his own jacket and left their flat with Roger in tow. He toyed around with the spare change that was in his pocket, rolling it around in his fingers while Roger mindlessly played with his keys that were to go unused.

Once they got outside, an odd air surrounded them. His earlier thoughts began to resurface along with what he had thought was quenched anger. That whole fight was John’s own fault for not trusting him. Not his for wanting to go out. But now it was the exact opposite and he couldn’t help but feel that occasional nervous twinge about his boyfriend’s whereabouts. He knew where John was coming from, he just really wished he would know that he wasn’t going to cheat on him with anyone or kiss every guy he came across. John knew that. He knew that. So why did it irk him that much?

“You know…He’s gonna be okay with this later on.” Roger spoke up.

Freddie shot him a confused look.

“Fred you look like a student during their finals. If you’re worried about how he’ll take all this, he’s gonna be fine. John’s not one to hold a grudge. If anything, that’s you!”

“Oh shut it.” Freddie commented as they turned the corner. “Yes, I’m worried about him. I can’t stand the thought that this would drive him off.”

“And it’s not. It’s John we’re talking about. Yeah, he gets ticked off but really all you have to do is show that you’ll try and listen to him about what’s bothering him. Even in the slightest, you’ll be alright. We know him, he’ll be fine once he gets back.”

“I know…I know…It’s just worrying to think that he might be out there doing something else.”

“Now just remember that that’s what he feels like. Sure, the guy needs to relax but it’s just instinct at times.”

Freddie only hummed in response. He was just hoping that John would be alright and ready to talk when he came home. If he could just let go of certain things then we’d be fine! Just leave it Freddie…What good is it going to do if you keep rehashing over the same shit-What good it’ll do is that he might calm down if you go out for a few hours!

He inhaled deeply, tossing those thoughts out of his mind. This was just another argument and in another day or two they’d be fine again. It happened to the best of relationships, hell worse ones happened between all four of them at the studio. You know it’s another argument. It’s fine! It’s completely fine.

They turned the last corner, Freddie squinting his eyes to see if he could finally get a glimpse of the corner store. Instead he caught the faint flickering of blue lights against the buildings near the end of the street. His interested piqued, Freddie eagerly tugging at Roger’s coat.

“Oi look!” Freddie said. “Cops again. How much you wanna bet it was a robbery?”

“Nah, if anything it’s an idiot driving off from whatever they did instead of taking the arrest.” Roger commented as they rushed down the street, now sharing his curiosity at the situation.

Yet as they grew closer, Freddie couldn’t help but feel his prediction was terribly false. Those who stood by were all trying to get a look at what was going on, Roger taking the lead for a second to push a few out of the way. As they continued to walk, the expressions began to change from curiosity to shock and pallor. Police cars and two ambulances surrounded the area, a sole policeman talking to a young woman who wasn’t too interested in his questions as she tried talking to what he assumed was her son who looked like he had seen a ghost.

“I don’t think it was a robbery Fred. Some poor bloke must’ve gotten in a car crash.” Roger said as he continued to survey the scene. Freddie’s focus stayed on the mother and her sons, only barely registering what he had said. The second child was bawling while one of the nurses laid a security blanket on his convulsing frame. He seemed to be trying to say something, yet all that came out were shaky beginnings of words that were barely intelligible.

Roger’s hand suddenly grabbed his jacket sleeve, making him lose his balance and tear his focus away from the family. His other hand was covering his mouth as his eyes stayed locked on the scene ahead. Few people had left, but it was just enough for Freddie to now see the line of tire tracks etched into the road and the car that was completely demolished.

John?

Horror gripped at his body, kicking it into action as he rushed ahead of Roger, forcing people out of his way so he could get closer. Shards of glass littered the road, blood staining the pavement and the silver exterior of the car. The windshield was gaping open while a large dent sat in the middle of the hood, or what was left of it. Majority of the front had been smashed in, leaving a terrible indent inside of the car that must’ve ruined all that was inside. A few wisps of smoke continued to curl out from under the hood, but Freddie could still smell just how much had already been here.

“W-where is he?” He asked, a lump in his throat slowly starting to form as he looked for any officer or doctor who could help. “Where the hell is he?!” He shouted as a primal fear began curling its fingers around his mind.

“Freddie-” Roger started, reaching out and grabbing his arm.

“Where the bloody hell is he?!” He snarled once more, earning a few concerned stares from the surrounding crowd as his heart began to race.

“Sir, please don’t yell.” One of the nearby paramedics said. She walked over to them. “Some of my colleagues just took someone to the hospital about ten minutes ago.”

Uncontrollable trembles wracked his body as he looked desperately up at the paramedic. Roger stared dumbly at her, his face looking lost and frightened as he continued to hold him back.

“I-I can take you to the hospital if you’re a relative-” She began.

“I am not a bloody relative!” He growled, every bit of logic rushin from his mind as he yanked his arm from Roger’s grasp. “I’m seeing him and damn it all if I’m waiting a second more because I’m not his brother or some shit s don’t go spewing bullshit you slag!”

“Freddie!” Roger shouted as he felt his hand on his shoulder.

She raised her hands up, obviously not sure of how to tackled the situation at hand. An older woman walked over, tapping her back and motioning towards the family next to one of the ambulances. She nodded and walked off, leaving the older woman with both of them. Freddie grabbed both sides of his jacket, tugging at them viciously to try and stabilize himself. That attempt only proved futile as tears began to stream out of the corners of his eyes. He gave a pleading look up at the older woman whose grey eyes were filled with worry as well.

“We’ll get you a ride sir.” She said in a low voice. “Martin!” She called out, a young man turning his head from one of the nearby members of the crowd. He rushed over, standing erect like a new military recruit.

“Take him and his friend off to the hospital. They’re friends.” She explained, giving nothing else for him but he seemed to get the urgency in her voice.

Freddie barely heard anything that they had said, all of it going in one ear and out the other. Dizziness began to overtake his body, Freddie reaching out for Roger to try and regain his balance, Roger gladly doing so as he seemed to need to hold onto something as well. The same paramedic lead them over to the ambulance, holding the door open for them and letting them sit inside, Freddie immediately holding onto the seat, trying desperately to bring himself back to reality.

Everything was a blur. He couldn’t breathe right, he couldn’t see or hear anything properly, even those calming words from the driver weren’t helping. Once they gave him one of those hideous orange security blankets, he latched onto that, hoping that it too might help his shaking. None of it was helping. Not the soothing words, not the blanket, not the hope that John would be alright: not when the chance that the reality was something only his nightmares would bring to him.

“I don’t wanna…He can’t be that badly h-hurt…” Freddie whispered in a small voice, every sense of logic and common sense leaving him behind.

“H-he’ll be alright. He’s gonna be. We’ll see him once we g-get there…” Roger told him in an uncharacteristically calm tone, even though it seemed like that sentence was more directed at himself to try and change whatever he was thinking.

The devilish thoughts continued to make him think otherwise. His mind instantly went to the worse and it only made him feel sicker. More sobs ran through his body, his body seeming to cave into itself as he tried to make himself smaller and smaller, every part of him wishing that this was all just an awful dream and he’d wake up next to him in bed, as if nothing had even happened: no crash, no yells, and no fight.

[littledreamybeth]

Tears & Fear

Okay this one is so messed up but blame it on my feelings! I recommend to listen to “Stockholm Syndrome” while reading because this song kinda inspired me to write this imagine. I don’t know how you feel about it so let me know! Picture is not mine and the GIFs belong to @stylesinthewild! Thank you for letting me use them! One question: Can you understand Y/N and the way she acted? I’d like to know!

Something wasn’t right. Something was definitely off with Y/N.  She had been acting completely strange for a whole week for some reason. Harry couldn’t tell what exactly was wrong with her but he was absolutely sure that she somewhat tried to distance herself from him.

First, he didn’t really notice her change of behavior. She only had been very still and not very talkative. However, the lack of interaction they had in the last couple of days caught Harry’s attention after a while. He realised that they only exchanged a few words throughout this time which consisted of “How are you?”, “Are you hungry?” and “I’m at the studio”. Harry thought it was because of her recent working shifts till late hours and maybe she had been too fatigued to handle a conversation with him. Amongst other things, he wanted her to rest instead and they could always talk the day after anyways.

That’s what he thought. But Y/N proved him wrong. It almost seemed like she intentionally wanted to avoid him. Whenever he entered the room, she made sure to go to another and sometimes she didn’t even greet him fully like she always used to do when he came home- with a hug and a kiss on his lips. Harry missed that physical touch.

Sometimes she didn’t even look at him in the eyes when he was trying to talk to her, searching for something else to lock eyes with. And when Harry tried to reach out to her, asking her if everything was okay, she just let out a nervous laugh and claimed she was finer than she ever could be.

He knew she was lying which stung badly but never pressured her into talking to him, I mean if she had a problem or something bothering her she would come to him by herself. Besides, he thought maybe she was going through a phase – she often had one- and just needed some alone time to gather her thoughts and be the old Y/N again.

At week two, Harry finally decided to break the ice at dinner. Not a single word was spoken between them, they just silently ate their meal. Well, at least Harry did. Y/N just sat there, one hand rested against her cheek while she poked around in her plate with her thoughts being miles away from their apartment.

“Y/N?”

When she didn’t reply, Harry tried once again.

“Earth to Y/N. Are you still with me, miss?” He waved at her.

She lifted her head when she perceived his movements on the other side of the table. Furrowing her eyebrows at him, she let out a short, “I’m sorry?”

“What’s going on with you recently? Is something bothering you?”

Y/N just shrugged her shoulders. “I’m tired, that’s all. Work is taking a toll on me.”

“Come on, love. We both know that’s not the entire truth. You can talk to me, you know that.”

Harry didn’t miss to see the glistening in her eyes, making him worry about her condition and before he could say anything further, she rose from her chair and took the plate in her hands, placing it on the sink.

“I’m gonna go to bed. Goodnight.” she said bluntly, avoiding eye contact with him.

“But it’s not even nine PM and what about our movie night? We already skipped last week because you claimed you weren’t feeling well.”

“Harry, please, I’m not in the mood right now.”

“You’re not in the mood to do anything with me for what two weeks?” He commented with a sarcastic undertone.

“Goodnight, Harry.” She ignored what he said before and left him all alone with his thoughts drowning his mind.

The desire to continue eating was gone as soon as Y/N went away and out of anger because she refused to talk to him, Harry threw his fork on his plate with all the force he had. She had never been like this so what in god’s name was going on?

But as we know Harry, he was never willing to give up until he put a smile on the faces of people that he loved. Right after placing his own food next to Y/N’s, he made his way to their bedroom in which Y/N fled into not even five minutes ago.

He knocked on the door to make sure she knew that he was there and then let himself in.

“Love, can we talk please? I really don’t understand why you’re so off lately. Y/N? Why are you crying?” He immediately ran towards the bed on which she sat, her upper body resting on her knees and her arms being wrapped around her legs.

She felt the bed shifting under Harry’s pressure but when he intended to bring her body into a warm embrace she stopped him in a second.

“Don’t! Please, I- I want to be alone.”

“What happened, Y/N? What made you cry, love? Why won’t you tell me?”

“Please, don’t ask, just leave me be. I wanna be alone.”

“Love-“

“Out! Get out!” she said by interrupting him harshly, pointing at the door. Harry’s heart broke in an instant due to the harshness she was treating him with. He only wanted to help because hell he cared for her so much.  Was he doing wrong? Shouldn’t a man comfort his woman when she was in distress?  Nevertheless, he let her mourn whatever she was mourning over and if she wanted to be alone there was nothing left for him except to live with her decision.

He went back to the other side of the room, grasping the handle of the door. He didn’t exit the room before Y/N knew how much he loved her despite the quick argument they had. “I love you, petal. I’m at the study if you need me.”

If he just realised what kind of emotions his words had triggered in Y/N. Once he was out of reach, she couldn’t contain another wave of tears and went back to her crying mode. She slipped under the covers despite being still dressed in her normal clothes but she was too drained of her strength to get changed.

She turned on the radio on her nightstand. The first melody to the song she was listening to now along with Harry’s voice hit her ears. No matter how much she kept listening to this special song, it always managed to make her cry for two weeks straight. When Harry wasn’t at home but in the studio instead, she would turn it on and cry for hours. It was not the entire lyrics she could identify herself with but just a few phrases which applied to her emotional state.

“Who’s this whisper telling me that I’m never gonna get away?”

Stockholm Syndrome described perfectly her inner debate that she had for so many days. The “whisper” in her case was her emotion, her love for Harry, telling her she would never gonna get away from him. All this time, Y/N was being cold to Harry because she realised that she was on her way to become a lot dependent of him. She could never live without him. She was so emotionally bonded to him that her love for this human being tore her apart. It hurt so much but yet was so beautiful at the same time. She would have done everything for him.

“But I feel I’m getting used to being held by you”

This line described how there was no way she could escape from Harry’s cage made of pure love because she knew he would never let her run away from him. He had her completely under his power and Y/N would never want to resist breaking out which made everything even more complicated.

“Baby look what you’ve done to me /Baby you’ve got me tied down”

“Baby I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way”

If she couldn’t find a way out of this dependence she would be lost, at least that’s what she thought.

“Yeah I fell for you...”

“I love you, too...” she choked, her heart hurting so much that she struggled to breathe. “So, so much.”

She cried the entire night, lulling herself to sleep this way.

 Meanwhile, Harry was sitting in his study, scribbling something in his diary. Jeff had texted him if he wanted to join them to go out however he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he left Y/N alone with her situation. So he declined the offer.

After midnight, he chose it was the perfect time to stop his doings and finally join his love in their bed. It is an understatement to tell how much he wanted to be with her when yearning is the exact word to describe how he felt. He yearned for her. There was only a certain amount of time in which he could endure without her presence however his limit was already crossed a few hours ago. Whatever it was that bothered Y/N and made her push him away, left him in complete darkness and gnawed on his mind. For five hours straight, Harry was thinking about what he could’ve possibly done that she shoved him away and to be honest it made him damn crazy. Not knowing why and what your girlfriend was crying over is enough to make you wanna rip your hair off your head.

Her behavior confused him. Whenever she felt upset or down she always gladly accepted his attempts for a comforting embrace until she would relax and feel better again but this time she didn’t even gave him a chance trying to soothe her. The way she had reacted gave Harry even more determination to find out what was going on in that pretty little head of hers.

Rubbing over his eyes, Harry shut his diary close in which he wrote down some new songs ideas and placed it in the drawer of his writing desk.  Standing up from his chair, he left his study and went straight ahead to their bedroom.

The lyrics to “Stockholm Syndrome” hit his ears when he arrived at their private paradise, sending Harry to a complete bewilderment because she still had that song on permanent loop. But why? What was special about it so that Y/N kept and kept listening to it for hours? He couldn’t know. The only solution was to ask her himself.

He carefully opened the door and peeked through the door gap just to find his girlfriend covered in the thick blankets. A sheet of handkerchiefs decorated her bedside table, indicating of how much she must have cried throughout these hours.

“Y/N?” he called for her but when he got no response in return, he assumed she probably fell asleep.

Therefore, he switched the radio off, leaving the room in complete silence.

Observing her profoundly, his heart pained at the sight of her. The image that was provided to him left him utterly speechless. The spot under her eyes and her cheeks were totally red from her crying, redder than anything he had seen before, her lips chapped and bitten until they bled. She breathed through her mouth because of her blocked nose and her fingers tightly clung onto the bed sheets.

She was a mess and it literally shocked him to see this side of her. Entirely broken and lost.

His hand reached out to her head, softly wandering through the strands of her hair. Such a simple gesture as this was filled with so much love and devotion for the sleeping beauty in front of him.

“Why wouldn’t you talk to me, love?” he sighed, then got up to get changed from his daily clothes into his pajamas. He neatly folded his shirt and jeans and put them back to their usual place in his dresser.

With his bare feet, he tiptoed back to the bed after he turned off the lights, lifted up the covers and slipped beside the woman he loved. A wave of relief washed over him now that he was able to hold her again. He spooned her from behind, wrapping his arms firmly but yet gently around her waist and pressing himself against her back. His face nuzzled her neck, one of his favorite places. His lips touched the bare skin of her shoulder. Leaving a content breath, he felt his limbs slowly getting start to become heavy.

“Harry?” Y/N’s voice called for him in the dark. Her sudden talking took him by surprise as he was about to fall asleep. He thought she slept already but what he wasn’t aware of was that Y/N woke up as soon as he had entered the room.  He opened his eyes again.

“Hmm?”

“Let go.”

His head, which rested comfortably on the cushion before, shot up in an instant. What the hell? He turned on the light on his nightstand beside him. Furrowing his eyebrows confusedly, he moved forward so he could have a better view on the side of her face. There, he discovered that she had her eyes trained on the large bookshelf opposite of their bed.

“Excuse me?”

“I said let go. Please let go of me.” she said with her voice laced in a monotone tune, not pointing any hint of emotion.

“Why is that, love?”

“Just let go.”

“Did I do something for you to push me away?” he said, slightly angered, untangling his arms from her body. “Because if there’s anything then I have no fucking clue what I did.”

“Don’t be a baby because I won’t let you hold me, Harry. And no you did absolutely nothing.”

“What is this about then?”

“You’re asking too many questions tonight.”

“Because you gave me no other choice, for fucks sake!” Y/N flinched at the sudden rise of his voice. “For almost two fucking weeks, you kept ignoring me and never talked to me except if I talked to you. Fuck, you didn’t even look at my face so how can I not feel like I’ve done something for you to behave like this?”

“Stop, Harry. I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to disappoint you miss, but that’s exactly what were gonna do now. We’re gonna talk, whether you want it or not.”

The next second, Y/N jumped out of the bed, throwing the covers aside which hit Harry’s face without hurting him. Harry was shocked about her outburst.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t. This is too much!” Y/N sobbed into her hands, then immediately ran out of the room to the guest room next door.

Harry was hot on her heels. He couldn’t tell enough how his girlfriend’s behavior just confused him.

He heard how Y/N locked the door, shutting him out.

“Y/N! Open this god damn door before I crack it!” Harry screamed, punching hardly against the door and getting even desperate every passing second. “Come on, love! Open up!”

“Go away, please just go away! I don’t want to see you!” He perceived her muffled cries from the other side.

“Love, I’m worried about you, can’t you see that? Tell me what I did and I swear I’m gonna leave.”

The fast the door was locked, the fast it was opened again, with Y/N having a distraught expression attached on her face. Her eyes spit nothing but fear and worry. She shook her head in denial.

“No.. no no no no no.. Don’t leave... Don’t leave… Don’t leave… Don’t do that to me… please…”

She tugged at her hair, almost ripping those strands off her head and Harry was afraid she could hurt herself.

“Yell at me, scream at me, punch me in the face but don’t leave me, I’m begging you,” she choked, her breath labored and her heart paining and aching terribly.

“Hey, I would never leave you, love. I didn’t mean it like that.” Harry stepped closer to her.

“Easy, love, at ease,” Harry said, grasping the apple of her cheeks despite the tears that were streaming from her eyes and stroking them gently. Her breath faltered the more she cried and Harry noticed that if he wouldn’t find a way to calm her down, she may have a panic attack. He had her face firmly between his palms now, forcing her to lock eyes with him.

“Breathe, love, just breathe for me,” he ordered. “In and out, in and out. You’re doing so well, baby.” He pecked her slight sweaty forehead, assuring her that he was there for her and that everything was going to be fine.

“It hurts,” Y/N choked, feeling her pain tightening her lungs and cutting her from getting access to oxygen. “It hurts so much, Harry. I can’t take it anymore!”

“What hurts, baby? Tell me what’s bothering you. Let me help you.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” she rambled on and on, clinging onto his body, her hand fisting the material of his shirt while she cried on his shoulder.

Harry didn’t understand the world anymore.  Was Y/N really crying because she loved him?

“I love you too, love. But what’s going on?” he asked nervously.

Y/N pulled away so she could look at his face. Her fingers played with the little hair at the end of his neck. She observed his beautifully sculptured features which shot another stream of theirs into her eyes. Her lower lip trembled enormously.

“I’m afraid, Harry.“ Her voice cracked. “I’m afraid of my own feelings. I’m afraid of loving you.”

Harry bent forward to capture their lips to a kiss. He felt like it was all she needed to relax. But deep down, he was still utterly confused.

“I don’t understand, love,” he stated. “Please, explain.”

Y/N, finally getting the control of her body back, took a deep breath from her nose before she replied, also giving him an answer why she acted the way she did throughout these days.

“What I feel for you is more than I can handle and it scares me. It scares me how much I love you. You- You’re gonna leave me. You’re either gonna leave me for somebody else or you gonna die on me one day but it’ll happen one way or another and I don’t know if I can deal with such a loss. I don’t know what I would do and I’m so anxious about it. Harry, my love for you is wider than the entire universe. Damn, if only words were enough to describe how I feel about you but they’re not. I don’t want to love you if it means it’s going to drag me down eventually. I don’t want to love you more than you will ever love me, Harry.”

Harry had the urge to laugh, but there was absolutely nothing to laugh about it. The whole time he thought he messed up something. However, the words Y/N spoke stung terribly. “I don’t want to love you more than you will ever love me” kept repeating in his mind. How could she say something like that? Didn’t she know already that Harry was willing to give everything up for her? That he would tear down the entire world for her?

“First of all, there is no way that you can love me more because I love you more than a man can ever love a woman. Y/N you make me so happy and so madly in love with you, I don’t even understand why you worry so much. You’re stuck with me forever, beautiful. I will never give you away because you’re mine and always will be. I wished you would have talked to me sooner about your feelings.”

“I’m not gonna force you to make a promise you can’t probably keep. It’s neither fair to you or me.”

“Do you doubt my love for you?”

“No.”

“Then stop talking nonsense. I already told you that you belong to me once and forever.”

“I’m sorry I was a bitch to you,” Y/N said sheepishly. She needed to make it up to him in the shortest time possible.

“Ahh, I’m not having you cursing at yourself, love. I’d rather know what had triggered this sort of feelings in you because this doesn’t come out of nowhere.”

“Both of my best friends lost their boyfriends and their relationships were the ones I admired the most. They were perfectly in love with each other just as we are, but then everything went downhill. One died in a car crash and the other one ended things with my friend. I couldn’t help but compare us to them. And it made me realise how much you have me wrapped around your finger,” Y/N confessed, slinging her arms around Harry’s body and pressing him against her.

“I won’t leave you anytime soon, love. I’d put my hand in the fire for that.”

He connected his lips lovingly to hers, showing all his love and affection with one single kiss.

Back in their bed , Harry was lying beneath her and she had her head rested on his chest. One of his hands ran softly through her locks while he let his other on run up and down her back soothingly. Y/N listened to the beating of his heat and felt the vibrations of his voice as he hummed the lyrics to “Just a little bit of your heart” that he wrote for another artist. The soft tune coming from his mouth lulled her to sleep.

“Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart is all I want

Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit is all I’m asking for...”