#Algjdls that summary sounded emo

[rhapsody-under-pressure]

Words to Remember

Life can change in a second. Freddie learned that the hard way. Words that are said, things that are done, consequences that could never have been foreseen; the future is always changing and one can only look to their memories and the past to make sense of what's to come.

The sun had long ago set, the clock was ticking closer and closer to three in the morning, and there hadn’t even been a single knock at the door to tell him that he was coming home. What was his excuse this time around? ‘I was just with my friends’ Yes for the tenth time this week instead of being home or telling me. ‘I was working at the studio’ Let me come, I can help and I know you need me. ‘It was last minute and someone needed my help with something.’ Then let me know! Dammit I don’t spend time waiting for you to go out with your friends and do everything with them first instead of coming home or at least telling me that you’ll be out instead of making me sit here wondering where the hell you have been for the past eight hours.

John sighed in defeat, collapsing against the cushion of the couch as the clock finally struck three. What was it with Freddie? He’d been so clingy back when they had first gotten together and had been so protective over him that he barely left his side. Apparently it just took a few years for it to vanish and now he was all the more stubborn and absent. He knew he still loved him, the times when he was in the mood for being romantic or even remotely intimate were truly memorable since their singer was such a lovable flirt. But with that came constant periods where he’d take a break from all that and would just leave to do his own thing. With all the absences he couldn’t help but fear that he might be getting around to doing things with other people, even if they meant absolutely nothing to him and they’d just be a phase in his life that he probably wouldn’t remember in less than a week. It all stung. The knowledge that he wasn’t good enough for him to get a remote phone call or even him leaving a damn letter on the kitchen counter about where he was going and whether or not he’d be back late was making his blood boil while also making his heart ache.

“Hey…”

A sudden voice startled him as he looked up at their hallway, seeing Roger smile gently towards him as he flattened out his own nightshirt. He shook his head, swallowing back his anger towards his lover and taking in a shaky breath.

“He hasn’t come back yet, has he?”

“No.”

Roger paused for a moment, his hands slowly falling slack to his sides before he shrugged. “I-I’m sure he’ll be back in the morning.”

John scoffed, his jaw clenching. “Like you know. You got a boyfriend who loves to spend time with you every day and night even after so many years while mine is so promiscuous and irresponsible that he can’t fucking call me.”

Roger immediately flinched at his harsh response, guilt washing over him as he bit back his anger that he was feeling towards his lover and uttered a quick apology, leaning back against his seat and dragging his hand across his face. What on earth is it with him and all of this? And he’s the hypocrite who’ll throw a huge fit if I fuck up but if I say a damn thing towards him, it’s meant to ‘not be taken seriously’ and for me to ‘cheer up’ every damn time.

“It’s like he doesn’t bother with me anymore ‘cause he’s got all his friends out there to go fuck around with but because I don’t go out with him all the time to follow them around, I get left here.”

“Well, why don’t you go out with him then?”

“Do I look like the kind of guy who’d go out to some S&M bar at three in the morning?"

“I’m sure he doesn’t mean to forget.” Roger stated, trying to add a hopeful spin on top of his words. Yet they proved to be rather contradictory as John shot up from his laid back position on the couch and kicked at the coffee table in front of him. Tears of frustration hung at the corner of each of his eyes. He doesn’t get it; he gets Brian hanging onto his side like he had ever since you met them. Even when they argue, they fix what they’ve done wrong.

“Right, cause he always seems so giddy to come home and listen to what I say instead of passing out on our bed because he’s tired after staying up until bloody five in the morning with enough alcohol stuffed into him to kill a horse! And then what does he do? Not even let me ask a damn thing ‘cause he’ll blow it off for the next few months before he calms right down again and repeats it over and over and fucking over!”

Their drummer didn’t bother responding, the despair that followed his outburst showing that he wasn’t in the mood for arguing with him about his relationship with his boyfriend. He should know better. He’s the one with the boyfriend who listens meanwhile mine’s just an overgrown infant! Roger ran his hand through his hair, flashing a worried glance down the hall towards his own boyfriend as a hard crack of thunder sounded from outside their flat, the flash of lightning that followed illuminating the slight darkness of their apartment for a quick second before dimming again.

“Good night John.” Roger told him bluntly before turning down the hall to return to his bedroom, his own anger soon returning to the surface as John muttered another insult about their drummer’s naivety. He wished there was some damn way to show someone, anyone, what he wanted to show them. Just so that he wouldn’t have to have someone get annoyed with him because he isn’t up for dealing with this again or have to deal with someone telling him that he’s being too controlling when he knew damn well that he wasn’t.

Guess I’ll wait until morning again before I see him. John thought bitterly as he got up from his seat and made his way down the hall. He slammed his door closed behind him, his fist coming down hard on the wooden frame behind him as he saw the empty bed once again, his worry quickly growing sparser as he wanted something to change for once, any one thing so that he won’t have to listen to any more of Freddie’s childish excuses and for him to claim that he’s too “overbearing” or whatever it was that he saw that he was doing wrong that time again. It’d just repeat itself again and again and again and John couldn’t help but want for it to just stop. 

...

Daytime came around, the rays of sunlight from his opened window yanking him out of the final phase of sleep as his eyes stiffly opened, reducing themselves to a mere squint at the harsh light that filled his room. It was a lovely sight and a nice contrast to the previous night’s storm that had ravished their neighborhood for the past day. He turned over, just grabbing on to the sliver of hope that he’d see his sleeping boyfriend with the duvet pulled over his shoulders and jaw slack against the pillows. Alas, all he got was the empty spot, not a disturbance in the mattress to be seen. Not even a note left on either one of their nightstands so that he would at least know if he made it home and was out in the living room or just anything.

He groaned out of half sleepiness and half annoyance as he tugged the blankets over his head again, hoping to drown out the insulting sight of the pleasant day that was occurring outside while his own mind was darkening with rage once again. He’s not a damn child John, he can take care of himself. But he does this every single time he goes out. Even a phone call to tell me that he’s at a hotel or something would be better. I trust him that he’ll get home okay but he just needs to stop doing this day in and day out. He could get hurt or worse. God knows what’ll happen because he’s so damn reckless...You’re not controlling him...you know that! So why does everyone else seem to think that when you just want him safe?

Eventually he shoved himself out of bed, his heart and stomach sinking at the prospect of having to wait till midday before he got home and he’d go through his usual apology that he had been drunk and didn’t remember to call him and didn’t trust himself with walking home so he crashed at one of his friend’s houses again. He shuffled over to his dresser after cleaning up in the bathroom, tossing on one of the shirts Freddie had gotten for his birthday a few months back. He headed down the hallway, still trying his hardest to soothe his anger back down so that he won’t explode at Roger or Brian if they were out in the front room once again. Yet instead he was greeted with the sloppy sight of their singer, laid out on top of the couch face first, his shirt missing, hair badly unkempt, a smear of dirt across the side of his face, and a dark red stain atop the side of his jeans. All his previous efforts were proven futile, his nails digging into the palms of his hands as he curled them into fists once again at the lazy sight of Freddie, who had indeed managed to come home last night but hadn’t bothered to do anything of the sort prior to let him know that he was alright.

“Freddie-fucking-Mercury!” He seethed through clenched teeth in a low, threatening voice. “Get your ass up from the fucking couch now.”

John grabbed Freddie’s arm and yanked him into a seated position, his dazed and tired expression only irritating him more. God it was exactly like watching after a child who didn’t know left from right: having to wake them up, make sure they’re alright, and everything else that accompanied it.

“I’m up, I’m up! Jesus Christ it’s only ten in the morning.” Freddie groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he released his hard grip around his arm.

“Yes and what time were you up with your friends until? Four? Five? Hell, probably six knowing you!”

“Knowing-The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Dammit Freddie it’s the tenth time in the past two months that you’ve gone out with your friends without me and didn’t call me or message me at all to let me know that you’re alright!”

“Is that what this is all about again? John, I’m not your damn child-”

“Then stop fucking acting like one! God dammit it’s not that hard to call at least once to let me know that you’re alright or coming home or dammit even if it’s just to say hi and to hang up immediately!”

“I’m older than you and I don’t expect you to do the same when you go out on your own!”

“That’s because it’s broad daylight and it’s for an hour or two at the most and you go out for nearly twelve hours at night. Look at you! What the hell even happened last night? Or are you too hungover to even remember?” John growled in response, taking a challenging step towards his partner whose unrelenting gaze met his in an act of defense. “I shouldn’t have to wake you up in the morning and baby you because you decided to drink your weight in alcohol the night before!”

“So what? I haven’t died or gotten hurt from going out? Plus, it’s not like you’re any better! Every damn time you get drunk I’ve got to lug you around so you don’t get hit by a bloody car! So don’t go and act like you’re some saint because you know damn well that I can at least operate in the morning.”

“Operate?!” John spat. “You sit there on the couch and pass out until noon!”

“And you can’t even function for the rest of the day! Hell at least I will do my job regardless if I’m hungover or not. You sit there and act like you got a concussion!”

Freddie stepped forward after shouting his own retort, glaring at him directly in his eyes as he dug his index finger into his chest. “And don’t get me started on trying to wake you the hell up after I listen to you whenever you want my damn cock up your ass.”

“Amazing! You can’t even go five minutes without talking about sex you pervert.” John replied, knocking his hand off of his chest and raising his hands up in defeat. “I give up with you. It’s a constant state of me needing to watch after you but I go ask for one thing and it’s like pulling teeth to-”

“Stop acting like you always are perfect you fucking prick!” Freddie interrupted. “You’re the one who’s completely unable to open that thick skull of yours to think past what you believe to be true and to see my point of view! I’m out with my damn friends and I always come back home every single morning don’t I?” He asked in a low, threatening tone. “Jesus Christ like you would know about getting outside! You don’t ever want to go anywhere with me but when I do by myself, suddenly I’m the bad guy! I offer to go to quieter places just to get you out of the house but you’d rather stay home and sit on your ass all night long!”

John growled in frustration once more. It was useless trying to break through his demeanor. Why was he even bothering with it anymore? All he was going to get was the same useless excuses and the same things thrown back in his face whenever he brought this back up. It was useless. It was repetitive. It was exhausting. And he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know what Freddie, why the hell do I even bother anymore? I just want you to stay in contact with me-”

“Fuck that, you wouldn’t do the same thing with me if it was just you going out so stop acting like some fucking hypocrite. You just don’t trust me. Mr. Promiscuous is just going to go out and fuck any guy who’s got a big dick right?” He accused, his eyes ablaze with fury.

“Prove me wrong for once then! The amount of times I’ve seen you come home with hickies all over your neck and you’ve the nerve to try and say you don’t go and cheat on me!” Freddie rolled his eyes and groaned loudly. “Then you tell me why the hell you’ve got bruises all along your neck then! Hm? What is it then?”

“It doesn’t bloody matter what they are! You sit here acting controlling every time I go out and treat me like some teenager who didn’t shoot their mother a call from a payphone or whatever! I have to go out and drag your damn ass around every time we do go out because you get any alcohol in you and you have your hand in a cast or nearly crash the car cause you can’t function with it!” Freddie barked. “Can’t trust me for a minute, can you? But you go out and snog some broad in public and then it’s perfectly fine when I’m around!”

“I don’t go out enough then? Fine then, maybe I should go out!” He spat, already marching towards the door. “See how you fucking like it without knowing where I am!”

“Oh piss off already you cynical bastard!” Freddie snarled, John grabbing his keys and slamming the door behind him, hearing Freddie give another harsh “Fuck you!” from behind the door.

John slammed his car door shut, grabbing the steering wheel and tightening his grip until his knuckles turned white. Blood boiled beneath his skin and tears of anger burned at the edge of his eyes. What on earth was wrong with him? Did Freddie honestly think he had the edge over him? All those times he’d gone out without him because he can’t sit still was absolutely ridiculous and then he has the nerve-the absolute gall-to go and say he’s wrong.

He turned the engine on, revving it for second before blaring the horn for a straight five seconds, hoping that Freddie heard it so he knew he was gone and not just standing in the stairwell. While ignoring the startled stares of the nearby pedestrians and the next string of honks from a few passing cars, he pulled out of the parking space and drove off.

I should just go out for the whole night. Scare the living shit out of him so he doesn’t hear a damn thing from me and see what it’s like! John thought, a plan already starting to form in his head. Just a simple taste of Freddie’s own medicine. He didn’t necessarily have to get drunk, though he did plan on going somewhere to get something anyway just to worsen Freddie’s worry. A bottle of whisky or brandy would do the trick. Then just stay at a hotel until the next day. Or stay another two or three to really make him worried. Slowly, his speed continued to increase. John barely noticed his foot moving down even more and more onto the pedal as he zoomed down the street, his autopilot taking over as he swerved around the cars around him and tried to get somewhere he wouldn’t have to even hear Freddie’s name for a good few days. 

God that damn prick doesn’t get it, does he? What a naïve bastard. John thought venomously. It wasn’t his fault, it was Freddie’s and he knew Roger or Brian would agree with him if he ever told them. Even when he did come back, he didn’t want any of Freddie’s bullshit apologies. He’d end up accepting it and then he’d go right out and do it again. He wanted proof he’d change. 

Yet he wouldn’t and he knew he wouldn’t. Freddie was stubborn and did what made him happy. While he loved to preach about making others happy, he always somehow put himself among that group. John clenched his jaw, his nails now digging into his palms. It was always about him and he wanted to make sure everyone knew that. He didn’t care about him. It always has and will always be Freddie, Freddie, Freddie-

A loud scream sounded from in front of him. John snapped back into reality and out of his thoughts, seeing a woman and her two sons screaming as she tried blocking him and shielding them. In a split second, he yanked the wheel to the left, narrowly dodging the group, before seeing the telephone pole appear before him.

...

“I mean honestly! Does he really think he’s right in all this crap!” Freddie shouted, flailing his hands around as though that was going to help Roger or Brian understand what he was getting at. “I’m not fucking ten! Hell I’m older than him! I’m right aren’t I? I mean you wouldn’t be happy if Brian got all pissy with you cause you went out without him?! Or if Roger blew up at you for the same thing?! Besides, is it right for him to hover over me like that? Wonder where I am like I can’t handle it myself?!”

Freddie whirled around, slamming his hands down onto the counter and staring helplessly at the other two. He knew he was right. Why the hell did John think he was wrong? It’s on him that he can’t get over him merely kissing someone else when he did the exact same thing! He groaned out of annoyance, throwing his hands back up and marching back around the flat.

“Then he’s got the nerve to just storm out like that! Jesus and I’m the one who’s got the short temper!”

“He’ll come back anyway. You two can talk more about it then.” Brian tried.

“He better apologize.” Freddie muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And you too. You both blew up at each other. You’ll recover anyway.”

His anger began to subside, Freddie trying to calm himself down even faster by slowing his breathing. He knew Brian was right about apologizing to one another, even though he still didn’t feel like talking to John for another four days.

“I know we shouldn’t have fought again but it gets so frustrating at times. John claims he’s concerned but-”

“But he is concerned Fred.” Roger finally said. “You should’ve seen him last night. He was worried.”

“It still doesn’t give him the right to treat me like a child. Or to say that me kissing someone else is wrong while he does it to some random broad.”

“Yes, that’s hypocritical but it’s just something from the spur of the moment. Look, when he gets back, you two can talk it out.” Brian said, laying his glass down onto the table and swirling around the last bit of juice.

“You two still love one another, that’s what’s important. Both of you always find a way to move on when you two fight. That’s a good thing. If you two broke up after every fight then that’s what would be worrying.” Brian told him.

“Of course I love him…I just wish he would understand that I’m fine when I go out on my own. It’s not like I’ve a portable phone in my pocket so I can call him whenever.”

“Explain it to him. If things get too heated, we’ll come out here to help settle it down. You need your own space away from him, that’s fine. But you also have to know that John does worry about you when he has no way of hearing from you for hours.”

“I guess…” Freddie finally admitted as he crumbled down onto the couch. “Great…Now I just feel awful…” He said, guilt now replacing all the heated anger than had once been there. “I just wish it wouldn’t escalate that quickly…”

“As said, talk it out with him. He’s cooling down right now too and you two can talk about it when he gets here. You’ll reconcile and laugh about it at some point.” Roger continued, giving a genuine grin his way.

He reciprocated it. They’d be fine. In all honesty, he couldn’t imagine losing him over this stupid argument. It surely wasn’t the worst thing to happen between them, Freddie now thinking when he had actually smashed a plate against John because of a particularly harsh row between them roughly two years prior. To his knowledge, he couldn’t even remember how that one even started! If that one was something that he could forget, this one would be too. Confidence began to overtake the guilt, although he still felt an annoying sense of dread over when that door did open and they would have to talk again.

“I’m gonna head out then. I gotta get something a few blocks away. You know that corner store I’m talking about, right?” Roger suddenly said as he rummaged through his pockets.

“The one with that vodka you like that’s always on sale?” Brian asked.

“Gotta get more of that to be honest. Haven’t had it in a while.” Roger told them as he got up from his chair.

“Mind if I tag along?” Freddie asked. “Not gonna waste time sitting here.”

Roger only shrugged, motioning towards the door while he tugged on his coat. Brian bid them farewell just as Freddie tugged on his own jacket and left their flat with Roger in tow. He toyed around with the spare change that was in his pocket, rolling it around in his fingers while Roger mindlessly played with his keys that were to go unused.

Once they got outside, an odd air surrounded them. His earlier thoughts began to resurface along with what he had thought was quenched anger. That whole fight was John’s own fault for not trusting him. Not his for wanting to go out. But now it was the exact opposite and he couldn’t help but feel that occasional nervous twinge about his boyfriend’s whereabouts. He knew where John was coming from, he just really wished he would know that he wasn’t going to cheat on him with anyone or kiss every guy he came across. John knew that. He knew that. So why did it irk him that much?

“You know…He’s gonna be okay with this later on.” Roger spoke up.

Freddie shot him a confused look.

“Fred you look like a student during their finals. If you’re worried about how he’ll take all this, he’s gonna be fine. John’s not one to hold a grudge. If anything, that’s you!”

“Oh shut it.” Freddie commented as they turned the corner. “Yes, I’m worried about him. I can’t stand the thought that this would drive him off.”

“And it’s not. It’s John we’re talking about. Yeah, he gets ticked off but really all you have to do is show that you’ll try and listen to him about what’s bothering him. Even in the slightest, you’ll be alright. We know him, he’ll be fine once he gets back.”

“I know…I know…It’s just worrying to think that he might be out there doing something else.”

“Now just remember that that’s what he feels like. Sure, the guy needs to relax but it’s just instinct at times.”

Freddie only hummed in response. He was just hoping that John would be alright and ready to talk when he came home. If he could just let go of certain things then we’d be fine! Just leave it Freddie…What good is it going to do if you keep rehashing over the same shit-What good it’ll do is that he might calm down if you go out for a few hours!

He inhaled deeply, tossing those thoughts out of his mind. This was just another argument and in another day or two they’d be fine again. It happened to the best of relationships, hell worse ones happened between all four of them at the studio. You know it’s another argument. It’s fine! It’s completely fine.

They turned the last corner, Freddie squinting his eyes to see if he could finally get a glimpse of the corner store. Instead he caught the faint flickering of blue lights against the buildings near the end of the street. His interested piqued, Freddie eagerly tugging at Roger’s coat.

“Oi look!” Freddie said. “Cops again. How much you wanna bet it was a robbery?”

“Nah, if anything it’s an idiot driving off from whatever they did instead of taking the arrest.” Roger commented as they rushed down the street, now sharing his curiosity at the situation.

Yet as they grew closer, Freddie couldn’t help but feel his prediction was terribly false. Those who stood by were all trying to get a look at what was going on, Roger taking the lead for a second to push a few out of the way. As they continued to walk, the expressions began to change from curiosity to shock and pallor. Police cars and two ambulances surrounded the area, a sole policeman talking to a young woman who wasn’t too interested in his questions as she tried talking to what he assumed was her son who looked like he had seen a ghost.

“I don’t think it was a robbery Fred. Some poor bloke must’ve gotten in a car crash.” Roger said as he continued to survey the scene. Freddie’s focus stayed on the mother and her sons, only barely registering what he had said. The second child was bawling while one of the nurses laid a security blanket on his convulsing frame. He seemed to be trying to say something, yet all that came out were shaky beginnings of words that were barely intelligible.

Roger’s hand suddenly grabbed his jacket sleeve, making him lose his balance and tear his focus away from the family. His other hand was covering his mouth as his eyes stayed locked on the scene ahead. Few people had left, but it was just enough for Freddie to now see the line of tire tracks etched into the road and the car that was completely demolished.

John?

Horror gripped at his body, kicking it into action as he rushed ahead of Roger, forcing people out of his way so he could get closer. Shards of glass littered the road, blood staining the pavement and the silver exterior of the car. The windshield was gaping open while a large dent sat in the middle of the hood, or what was left of it. Majority of the front had been smashed in, leaving a terrible indent inside of the car that must’ve ruined all that was inside. A few wisps of smoke continued to curl out from under the hood, but Freddie could still smell just how much had already been here.

“W-where is he?” He asked, a lump in his throat slowly starting to form as he looked for any officer or doctor who could help. “Where the hell is he?!” He shouted as a primal fear began curling its fingers around his mind.

“Freddie-” Roger started, reaching out and grabbing his arm.

“Where the bloody hell is he?!” He snarled once more, earning a few concerned stares from the surrounding crowd as his heart began to race.

“Sir, please don’t yell.” One of the nearby paramedics said. She walked over to them. “Some of my colleagues just took someone to the hospital about ten minutes ago.”

Uncontrollable trembles wracked his body as he looked desperately up at the paramedic. Roger stared dumbly at her, his face looking lost and frightened as he continued to hold him back.

“I-I can take you to the hospital if you’re a relative-” She began.

“I am not a bloody relative!” He growled, every bit of logic rushin from his mind as he yanked his arm from Roger’s grasp. “I’m seeing him and damn it all if I’m waiting a second more because I’m not his brother or some shit s don’t go spewing bullshit you slag!”

“Freddie!” Roger shouted as he felt his hand on his shoulder.

She raised her hands up, obviously not sure of how to tackled the situation at hand. An older woman walked over, tapping her back and motioning towards the family next to one of the ambulances. She nodded and walked off, leaving the older woman with both of them. Freddie grabbed both sides of his jacket, tugging at them viciously to try and stabilize himself. That attempt only proved futile as tears began to stream out of the corners of his eyes. He gave a pleading look up at the older woman whose grey eyes were filled with worry as well.

“We’ll get you a ride sir.” She said in a low voice. “Martin!” She called out, a young man turning his head from one of the nearby members of the crowd. He rushed over, standing erect like a new military recruit.

“Take him and his friend off to the hospital. They’re friends.” She explained, giving nothing else for him but he seemed to get the urgency in her voice.

Freddie barely heard anything that they had said, all of it going in one ear and out the other. Dizziness began to overtake his body, Freddie reaching out for Roger to try and regain his balance, Roger gladly doing so as he seemed to need to hold onto something as well. The same paramedic lead them over to the ambulance, holding the door open for them and letting them sit inside, Freddie immediately holding onto the seat, trying desperately to bring himself back to reality.

Everything was a blur. He couldn’t breathe right, he couldn’t see or hear anything properly, even those calming words from the driver weren’t helping. Once they gave him one of those hideous orange security blankets, he latched onto that, hoping that it too might help his shaking. None of it was helping. Not the soothing words, not the blanket, not the hope that John would be alright: not when the chance that the reality was something only his nightmares would bring to him.

“I don’t wanna…He can’t be that badly h-hurt…” Freddie whispered in a small voice, every sense of logic and common sense leaving him behind.

“H-he’ll be alright. He’s gonna be. We’ll see him once we g-get there…” Roger told him in an uncharacteristically calm tone, even though it seemed like that sentence was more directed at himself to try and change whatever he was thinking.

The devilish thoughts continued to make him think otherwise. His mind instantly went to the worse and it only made him feel sicker. More sobs ran through his body, his body seeming to cave into itself as he tried to make himself smaller and smaller, every part of him wishing that this was all just an awful dream and he’d wake up next to him in bed, as if nothing had even happened: no crash, no yells, and no fight.