#means i side with the oppressor
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thinking about how we never have an actual flashback from the Ouyang clan execution and how that adds to the unreliability of Ouyang's narrative about his life and death. [sorry, long rant incoming bc i have feels]
Especially in regards to the scene when Ouyang is tasked with execution of Zhang Jr.: he thinks that he willingly chose to avenge his father and to bear the suffering of his fate when he was 10. But did he?
''He was giving him a chance for his death to have meaning. He should be grateful", he thinks in regard to Zhang Jr. So did he himself just stay alive for his death to have meaning? Or - what I suspect - did he just invent all this a posteriori to justify his will to live?
Apart from the fact that the scene with Ouyang killing Zhang Jr. is one of the most memorable in HWDTW for me for the layers that it has, it highlights one of the most fascinating facets of Ouyang: his will to live vs. his deathwish.
Obviously as his whole arc is about falling downhill, we as readers don't see much of the former, while the latter is in abundance especially in HWDTW. But nevertheless this tension is very much there.
As I said, we don't see - even through Ouyang's eyes - what went down that fateful day of the massacre; did he really beg for his life to avenge his family or just for the sake of it. But personally - I'm betting for the latter. Like, come on, he was 10 AND - more importantly - he DIDN'T know that Chaghan would have him castrated as he begged for mercy. He had no idea what the consequences would be. He might have thought about revenge; it's evident that even at 10 yo, the masculine ideals were already drilled into him. But he DIDN'T choose that with full awareness; it's something he told himself over the years to justify his will to live.
And I think this is the deepest root of his shame: that he so desperately wanted to live he could do anything. Him being an eunuch was shameful too, but not so much as the fact that he PREFERS it to being dead. This is what Chaghan calls him out on and this is why the scolding is such a turning point (something I didn't catch at first): Ouyang realizes that if he wants to live free of shame and justify his existence, he must have his revenge. But to do that - ironically - he must destroy himself.
The excuse he came up with over the years to make up for his will to live is that he is a tool of revenge; he is allowed to exist as long as he is this tool. Where the tragedy lies is that he never allowed himself to imagine that he could exist after his revenge is complete. Which is, I think, part of the reason why it took him so long to start plotting it: he wanted to live. He wanted to be with Esen. (The passage "He felt a surge of hatred towards the monk. [...] Without him, how much longer might Ouyang have had with Esen?" is one of the most heartbreaking in SWBTS imo). And I think that deep down he didn't even think his revenge was actually doable.
"[...] the monk had triggered the start of his journey towards his purpose. He couldn’t find it in himself to be grateful. It felt like a violation. A theft of something he hadn’t been ready to give up. Not innocence, exactly, but the limbo in which he could still fool himself that other futures were possible."
I think that these ''other futures'' were futures in which the opportunity for revenge never came; not so much as in ''his enemies were dead by other means'', but as in "Ouyang kept waiting but he just didn't get to meet the Khan" etc. And I think that in his mind, it would have been the best possible option - he could keep on living, waiting for the opportunity that somehow never came, but hey, his excuse of being a tool for revenge was still valid, right?? nobody could tell him that he didn't want it or forgot! he just didn't have the opportunity! oh, such bad luck, sorry not sorry. (And one day he would have died on the battlefield, possibly in Esen's arms, and it would be the best life he could have imagined).
But Zhu gives him the opportunity and he feels he must act on it, which means that his excuse for existing will soon be no longer valid, and it makes him so angry. I still don't get why he couldn't imagine a life after revenge; possibly because despite everything he LIKED this life - or, at least, liked it more than the alternative. Revenge meant destroying everything he enjoyed: his life as a general of the Yuan, and - more importantly - Esen. He probably didn't imagine a life for himself after revenge not only because he thought himself a tool to be discarded, but also because he didn't see in there anything worth living for. And this is when his deathwish comes in. It practically appears as soon as Esen is dead; and the rest is history, with Ouyang's ''I have to live because I must have my revenge and I sacrificed too much for it to walk away now!". But still, it strikes me how at the beginning of SWBTS he's clinging to life as he knows it despite it not being ideal, and how in HWDTW he is awaiting death eagerly.
And - circling back to Zhang Jr. - this is why Ouyang kills the boy: for Zhu it might have been tying up loose ends, but Ouyang at this point sees that staying alive wasn't worth it. He does what is better for the boy in his opinion; he even lets him die with honour, something he himself wants. He wishes he had chosen death all these years ago.
#i mean. i can't wrap my head around the fact that Ouyang wants to live but he feels he lives on borrowed time#this was supposed to be about the execution of Zhang Jr. but i lost control#this scene still makes me feral though#the implication that if Ouyang could go back in time he wouldn't have shown mercy to himself at 10???#the implication that he understands Chaghan at this moment??? that he identifies with his oppressor??#and the chilling implications of ''he stared at [the forearm slash] fascinated. it seemed to have had nothing to do with the boy''#(in a book full of Ouyang's self harm this moment was def the most disturbing for me)#also the cruel irony that HE SHARED THE WILL TO LIVE WITH HIS FATHER!!#THIS WAS WHAT MADE HIM HIS FATHER'S SON!! HE INHERITED THE SAME WILLINGNESS TO LIVE DESPITE SHAME!!#the fact that he thought himself so different from other male ancestors when in fact they were so much alike!!#anyway. bye#also food for thought: if Ouyang stayed by Zhu's side - lived past his revenge and never found out about his father -#would he be able to keep on living with the fact that he killed Esen? would he be able to have even a shred of happiness?#the radiant emperor#he who drowned the world#he who drowned the world spoilers#general ouyang
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Guys I understand the gatekeepers now like y’all didnt even know who spiderpunk was let alone his name till a few months ago STAY AWAY FROM HIM
#this is about white ppl btw#not to be toxic but if u have EVER said violence isn’t the answer hobie isn’t for u#if ur a liberal or centrist hobie isn’t for u#if u get mad at black ppl calling out racism hobie isn’t for u#if u tone police black ppl hobie isn’t for u#if u say informing ppl of lace code bc it’s dead doesn’t matter hobie isn’t for u#if u ever called miles a thief or even entertained that hc hobie isn’t for u#if UR WHITE HOBIE ISNT FOR U#thats only the start of my list#pretending that idc that I KNEW HIM FIRST NONE OF YALL CARED WHEN I WAS IN THE TRENCHES WITH MY THREE PUNKFLOWER FICS#😐😑😐#anyways…#that was a lil too toxic#but in conclusión#not excited for the influx of white hobie fans#who will say shit like ‘guys maybe violence against the oppressor isn’t bad! spiderverse taught me that :)’ and be completely serious#or even ‘i like hobie but he was too mean’#AND THATS ALL ASSUMING MARVEL DOESNT FUCK HIM WITH THEIR LIL COPAGANDA BOTH SIDES ARE VALID THING#like Im still half convinced they’re gonna do that thing where he overreacts to every little thing to make anarchism look stupid#so far it’s looking good but u never know#anyways.
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Honestly I really want to be able to side with Solas in dreadwolf. I think it'd be super interesting to play as an elf in Tevinter and be able to just go "yeah actually I think Fen'Harel is right let's tear down that veil." I mean I assume the main conflict will be Solas trying to convince your character to join him, or your character being told they have to try and stop him, and there are not enough games that let you side with the presented "villain" character. I want to see what the world is like with no veil I'm so interested. Also so interested to see what full-on Fen'Harel Solas is like. Is he still as empathetic? Or is he more conniving and distanced from "mortals" like the old stories would have us believe?
#side note it's been a hot minute since I've played trespasser I've been obsessed with origins and anders and justice recently ok#i don't have super high hopes cause bioware sucks ass#Idk if they'll have the balls to introduce the player to that level of moral nuance#i just think it would be fun and cool to have some choices on the final outcome#*with the main villain character I should say#instead of 'player character who is awesome hero defeats evil mean bad guy'#i feel like the past games have always tried to paint a very clear target of who the 'bad guy' is#when in reality that's rarely ever so simple#i want a story that lets you decide if you actually think the bad guy is bad or not#and then lets you choose what to do about it instead of directing you to kill this one guy to save the day yknow?#and I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to explore that#and I mean we did get this is 2 if I'm honest#there's not really a singlular villain#you can choose if you think the mages or the Templars are right and side with one or the other#dragon age dreadwolf#fen'harel#solas dragon age#i just like complications in stories that make decisions very hard#make solas the players friend or something again make him seem like a person and not an evil mage entity bent on killing everyone#maybe I'm just tired of how often the writers have done moral gymnastics and tried to swap it around#to make it seem like actually the mages should all be locked away and treated like shit cause they're all egotistical maniacs#and that the Templar/mage issue is a both sides have a point thing when it is clearly not#maybe I just want them to direct us towards taking the side of the oppressed instead of the oppressors for once#Hope you enjoyed my longish rant I hide in the tags as usual
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imagine thinking that trans men are inherently bad or evil or predatory on the basis of gendered privilege and societal power structures. cringe
#transmasc discourse#like the idea that trans men gain male privilege and kick down the ladder to beat on the queer community is astonishingly stupid at best#the idea that transphobia or queerphobia as a whole doesn't affect them because they're Assimilating With The Oppressors is like#man fucking what is up with people yknow#gender essentialism is fucked up and it's the same force that's beaten down on bi ace and transfem people#the fact that this has turned into 'trans rights but only for the women' by some dumb-fuck shitstains is awful#no. trans rights for all.#like let me explain what I mean here: trans men aren't seen as men by transphobes#it's not 'oh you're a fella? crack a cold beer and let's bash some gays'. passing as a man has just as much risk to it as passing as a woman#because a man who will attack a trans woman as someone who is not a woman will most likely attack a trans man he does not see as a man#with the same violence he might level against a cis woman#that's just on the masc side. i can't speak for any violence against trans men by cis women but I can see how cis women discredit trans men#by claiming them as Lost Lesbians and Sisters In Arms who've been lost due to the Trans Agenda#like people shit on bi people because they have 'passing privilege'. but we know that bi people face homophobia#and other issues about their orientation. the idea that trans men get their Boys Will Be Boys card is to focus on a tiny selection#that *potentially* has the power to he a shithead - like a queerphobic asexual person or a malicious bi person#and paint an entire group of diverse people as literally the worst interpretation you can imagine about them#like consider that you have your own issues and/or biases in regards to people you like and want to hang out with#and stop calling entire groups of people invaders and oppressors whose entire goal is to upend the community#and turn the power of queer people against them#i understand how it feels to feel powerless and to have somewhere where you feel supported and safe#but if you're going to see pain and hate in every group who shares your experience but gives you an ick for whatever reason#there's a solid chance that the Righteous Crusade against them is - in fact - your own personal dislike wielding a modicum of power#that essentially functions the same way that hetero- and cis-normative standards and people have rejected you.#it is essentially you becoming the bully. and just like bi and ace and transfem people before I won't stand for it#trans men are my people.
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had to block a whole new round of ppl on my socials for being zionists or "why cant u just wish for peace" ass neutrals. AS IF I HAVEN'T BEEN WISHING FOR PALESTINIAN PEACE SINCE I COULD REMEMBER!! but no these weirdos dont want "peace" they want the status quo of palestinian's being oppressed and for my friends and their family to suffer in silence bc the alternative would them be admitting to supporting a genocidal government backed by their countries and taxes.
fuck them. if u support that settler colonial state fuck you. pls block and unfollow me now.
#being neutral in this means u side w the oppressor#free palestine#and if i see any asks about this in my inbox that isn't free palestine you will be blocked too
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if you’re pro-israel or neutral, please unfollow me
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My unpopular opinion abt the new Castlevania series ig is that I just don't have any care or sympathy for these little church goons that they were trying to humanize this time around... Like Olrox revenge kill go off, I watch u kill that boys mom minute 1 but I'm still in ur corner bbygirl! I see ur thru line.
But then his little shitty church bf sanctioning and standing by all the actions of the church and also we don't talk about the homophobia he's supporting while also being gay and also sleeping w a man his church would have (and did) sanctioned the genocide of several times over... I'm supposed to think the way he shut Olrox down was anything worth feeling bad for, I just rolled my eyes at his self righteousness. Walk away from that man, Olrox!! We saw where this manic Christian love leads, and it's what ur Abbott did (who I also don't give 1 fuck about him or his white xtian guilt especially after That LOL)
I guess I can tentatively respect that the church guard's storyline is gonna potentially be about deprogramming him, but I hate that they seemed to be posing him as correct in accusing Olrox of having no soul, when we as the viewer know it was an act of love that he didn't think he was capable anymore, after what was done to him at the hands of ppl that the church guard. To me all i felt was the heartache from his POV so common in these communities where u thought you have a Good Christian that saw you, but he still sees you as the monolith of his imaginary enemy the second push comes to shove, even though your actions have shown again and again that there's nuance to be had
#the only whites that gave gotten a pass from me is baby belmont and the speaker mom#who's daughter I'm sure will mature i want to like her but she got shackled into a plot w the abott#which means we have to spend a lot of time on his white man pain about how he had the power to do so many terriblw things and chose to do i#anyway just wanted to get this off my chest i couldn't watch it fast enough and don't remember the guards name#and didn't look it up bc i don't want someone looking for him and starting a fight w me#just sucks bc i love Olrox so much and a lot of his fan content is him w this man i can't stomach tbh#i hoped he would be different i hope he can change or that Olrox finds someone else#text posts#i don't want to get into it too much more i have to rewatch this show bc baby belmont and Annette are my kids and Edouard is so special 2 m#bls im not a hater so if u like the guard i don't care#i just have a lot less interest in these types of threads ik some ppl who have been victims of the church find them cathartic#but i often find the storyline too much in the business of comforting the oppressor being represented and find them tedious#raised in American South where a lot of the cultures being examined exist and have flavored it#particularly this time period being looked at w plantation slavery plus French and native relations being v highlighted in my region#ugh anyway let me not get started x2 plus i don't care who's side drolta is on#she's bad and unjustified just insane and likes murder and looks very hot while she does it the end#(i love her every show putting black girls in it take note of the way they treated her hair so many styles 🥺💕)
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I love when you ask a zionist if they're a zionist or not and they say "I'm neither ❤️"
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Oh hey are you into one piece now :D
Yeah, I'm working my way through it slowly. So far I really like the characters the most. I generally prefer more grounded world building in the stories I read, but when it comes to One Piece I find the over the top and silly stuff more fun because Oda makes it clear from the get go that's the kind of story it is so I was prepared for it going in.
Right now I'm still pretty early on--they just got Chopper (which is about where I stopped reading OP back when I was a kid ironically). I know a lot of what happens later on though because before I even watched the live action and got back into it, I watched video essays on the characters because I love video essays.
I've also been reading parts of the Fishman Island arc because my brain decided Arlong was my new favorite minor villain to love. It's been really hard to read parts of it though because sometimes the way it deals with the topic of oppression when it comes to the Fish-people/merfolk really bugs me and I have to put it down for a while.
But yeah, for now my posts will probably be about One Piece, particularly Arlong and the other fish-men because I find them neat. I still keep up with My Hero, but nothing in it lately has really got me to write about it.
#ask#thanks for the ask!#one piece#it's very slow going--i like but it's so long#so i need breaks#shonen has fun characters that I love#but from my very first time watching DBZ#i was always a little board by the fights#and so once the arc enters the shonen end of arc constant fights my brain wants to check out so bad#and idk how i'm going to finish fishman island#like i get the message but like so many stories that try to tackle racial oppression#it just really misses the mark#and falls into the trap of 'what if the bad guys was just an oppressed person who decided he wanted to be an oppressor?'#and also we are not actually going to engage much with the very valid reason they might be really angry#and the right way to fix oppression is not get mad and try and reach across the divide#even though no real work or change has been done by the offending party#like Otohime kind really pisses me off and I'm kind of happy Hody killed her and sort of felt like she deserved it#i mean the arc really wants you to like and side with the royal family but wow the stuff i have gotten through so far does not do that#like Arlong and Hody are really their own fault and although they admit they dropped the ball#it comes across as less 'we didn't protect our people from constant murder and kidnappings by humans which lead to hate'#and more 'we didn't realize these people started to really hate humans for a reason we won't really mention'#but idk maybe once I finish it it'll be better?#i mean i very rarely see people complain about it in this way so maybe I'm just misreading it idk
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(sorry in advance for the more personal ask, you're the most intelligent person i know of when it comes to these things)
genuinely, how are we supposed to find the strength to go on? it feels like capitalism has won. only a few decades ago my country was openly and proudly socialist, and now we're nothing but an american military base with an economy. everything's been privatised, the unions are broken, the people are starving, and we keep voting for more of this! people are gleefully begging for yet more exploitation! sometimes it feels there's not a drop of class consciousness to be found in the entire country, and that it's pointless to even hope for change. how can i stay sane?
The class struggle is not a team sport which either side can win or lose. It is a historical and economic process, one that's inevitable. As long as capitalism exists, there will be a social majority of workers it must exploit, alienation will still happen, and a portion of these workers will be aware of this fact. The class struggle is also a long process, one that, most of the time, is imperceptible to the individual in physical and time scale. Only sometimes, it accelerates to dizzying speeds and the conditions necessary for taking power are met. We can talk about victories and defeats, but we can't lose sight of the fact that those "only" are points in time, momentaneous advances or retreats in the process that is the class struggle, but they never mean the paralization of this process.
We can only really talk about the bourgeoisie taking power and creating the first properly capitalist states in the late 18th century and early 19th, but the bourgeoisie had lead or taken part in attempts at or glimpes of revolution as far back as the early 16th century. The bourgeoisie never really had an unifying theory of the class struggle, most were never really fully conscious of it. But they still eventually took power, once the development of the national economies advanced so far that it forced the replacement of the feudal mode of production, the bourgeois revolutions became inevitable. Marx and Engels only ever saw one real attempt at the proletariat taking power, in the Paris Commune of 1871, but it only ever lasted a few months. They both were long dead when the first actually (relatively) long-lasting instance of the proletariat in power broke the oppressor classes' veneer of invincibility.
When Marxists talk of inevitability it is not in a conspiratorial manner, or an expression of satisfied optimism, we never mean that "one day the capitalists will get what's coming to them", in a vague way. We mean that, only if communists continue to work towards the revolutionary organization of our class, is a complete overthrow of capitalism inevitable. We should all do an exercise is historical perspective when it comes to analyzing progress, take the Marx and Engels example from the previous paragraph, they never got to see an effective application of their theories. Class consciousness will fluctuate continuously, it always has. The bolshevik party in 1913 had nothing to do with the party that lead the October Revolution, and 8 years after the defeat of the 1905 revolution, I bet many felt like their work was hopeless. My point is that, while the borders of the Communist Party may shrink, grow, or even disappear, and while we might be savagely oppressed, no system of oppression has ever lasted forever.
When it comes to revolutions, there are objective and subjective conditions. The objective we can never control; it's the stability of capitalism, the characteristics of its suprastructure, if there is a crisis or not. The subjective is what's under our control; our own work as communists, the state of the revolutionary party, the degree of influence of communists at the core of the working class. These two sets of conditions interact with one another, with the objective conditions influencing the possibility of development of the subjective conditions much more than the reverse. What makes you hopeless is in part the objective conditions. Capitalism is quite stable right now (though not as much as it ever seems), and, for now, we can't do much about it, because the subjective conditions, the other part of your homelessness, are also very delayed. But these we do have control over, at first very little, but as they improve, the control we have over them also increases. Essentially, friend, all we can do is prepare our class, do our best to gain more workers to our cause, bit by bit, so that once capitalism shows one of its cracks, we can be ready to pry those cracks open and bust the whole system. The Russian soldiers in WW1 were already discontent when the bolsheviks began to agitate up to the trenches, Mao's guerrillas grew to an army taking advantage of the deep fragmentation China suffered throughout the first half of the century, etc.
Once again, class struggle is not a straight line that we move in two directions. It is a complex space. The overthrow of the USSR was a very profound blow to revolutionary organizations all around the world, of course, but the state of communism in general in 1995 was still in a much better position than it was merely 90 years prior. Every defeat also sharpens the tactics and strategies we use. Eastern Europe (where I assume you're from) did use to be socialist, and those worker's states were overthrown. But you are still in a better position than a communist in the interwar period, facing borderline fascistic dictatorship and a future of Nazi-Fascist occupation. They did not have any precedent or much practical experience to learn from, but you do. Every day that we delay work, even in the most hopeless of contexts, is a day more that our grandchildren will have to bear in capitalism, and a day more they're deprived of true freedom and self-government
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When I want to read dark fics, your writing just hits. One of my guilty pleasures recently has been dark!winter soldier stuff and I was hoping you could write one.
If you can, can you make it where Bucky is still the Winter Soldier and finds himself completely enamored with the reader. He stalks her briefly and decides he has to have her. So where it gets dark is mean, brooding soldier kidnaps reader and makes her his housewife. (I’d like to think that some of Bucky’s 40ness is still there along with some good old fashion 50s idealization where he basically molds her into being his perfect little housewife.)
He can still be with hydra or not but this thought has been buzzing around in my head recently and I personally am not good at writing dark fics.
Um, hell yes I can! Also, not me having almost exactly the same idea (it was in my drafts and I totally merged it with yours). Sorry for being late uni kicks my butt hard TT. Also, please note that this is a headcanon kind of situation type deal but apparently there's a limit to how many bullets you can put per post so that's why it looks the way it does! Hope you like it still. Unedited ❤️
Warning(s): Dubcon (just to be safe), stalking, kidnapping, housewife kink, stockholm syndrome, spanking, misogyny, domestic discipline, breeding kink (dash), age gap (I mean, man is over a century old). Contains mature content. Browse at your own discretion. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
You are absolutely shit faced as you stumble out the backdoor of the club with two of your girlfriends tangled around each arm.
You are all giggling, stumbling and slurring out curses, trying to shush each other as you trudge your forms to your apartment complex that is close by because driving is obviously out of question now.
Were it not for your overly intoxicated state, you would have totally noticed the dark silhouette that stills in the dark alley facing the backdoor.
The man masked in the darkness tilts his head to the side as he tries to read your party, having gotten caught off guard by the sudden bursting open of the door.
One of your friends stagger in his direction and he moves back, his labored breaths warm in his mask, watching the girl as she retches her guts out.
Silence follows the wheezes and gags of the girl.
Then there is a sound– a melody in the air.
Soldat feels something stir within himself.
Something his masters did their best to suppress.
Not that they would be doing any more of that.
They needed to be alive to do something like that ever again.
His eyebrows furrow as he scans your group for the source of the sound; you.
You are laughing.
At your friend that is throwing up.
Hands clutching your hurting sides, eyes scrunched, head thrown back, flushed and sweaty face vibrant under the bright moonlight as your hair frames it in the most perfect way possible.
A shaky breath escapes the man covered in tears and blood of his captors and oppressors.
His eyes scan your form.
Beautiful.
His metal hand clenches into a fist and he makes his resolve almost instantly;
Mine.
Soldat cannot recall much of his past except for a few things like his name.
But he knows that it has been a long, long time.
And it's time to go home.
But a home is not walls and concrete.
It is the people that live in it.
His head is a mess as he scales a wall and follows you to your building, skipping from roof to roof effortlessly with a careful eye on your form.
James had finally broken free against hydra yesterday morning while they were experimenting something more brutal.
And during the following hours, all various leaders that made the organization what it was were dead.
For what is a structure without its pillars?
He had plundered them single handedly.
And now he was a slave no more.
James would live, and he would take.
Just as had been taken from him.
You woke up the next morning, sprawled across your bed.
As you winced and sat up, you could swear you had knocked out on the couch last night.
But since you couldn't teleport, it was probably just a gap in your memory.
Right?
The second sign was the painkillers and water next to you on the bedside table.
The third was the window of your room that was open wide.
But you shook your head as you were behind on your schedule for the day and got on with your busy university student life.
You should have taken notice of the signs.
How things would always somehow work out when you were struggling with some sort of a problem.
Regardless of whatever type of an issue it was.
Your friends joked about it as Divine Providence.
And Divine it was, you lived to learn.
When it happened, it wasn't after a dramatic chase or anything.
You had simply woken up in a room you had never seen before, tucked in the bed like it had been yours for ages.
What even happened?
You had finished an assignment before heading to bed for an early class the next morning.
But now you were timidly surveying the room, more and more panic filling you by the passing second.
The house is beautiful and bright outside the dark room you had woken up in, big glass windows facing tall trees and various other type of greenery outside.
A loud gasp escaped you when you were somewhere in the middle of the living room.
You turned around to find a huge and by that you mean, giant man standing a few steps away from you.
You could swear he wasn't there a minute ago.
But now he is towering over you, head tilted to the side as if interacting with something from an outer planet, eyes scanning your form slowly.
As if he's savouring the sight of you in a…
Your blood runs cold as you look down to realize that you are dressed in a white sundress with yellow and red flowers printed on it.
Your eyes widen in horror.
Because you had been wearing your PJs last night–
Or, rather, the last time you were awake.
Before you can say anything, he extends a hand towards you invitingly, nodding sideways to what seems to be the kitchen.
Something in his hand glints in the sunlight coming from the windows.
It is when your panicked vision realizes that the hand and the whole arm is made up of metal, your body backs away.
With your mouth agape, you demand shakily.
"Who the hell are you?"
He sighs.
"What the hell is this place? Why am I here? What the fuck is going on?!"
The man's features scrunch in disapproval.
Your choice of words is much unappreciated.
"Good little wives don't ask questions."
In his angry, fried and entitled delusional mind you are as much in love with him as he is.
Otherwise, why would you just accept all the favours he did for you during all these months he was building a perfect home for the both of you and your future children?
He takes a step in your direction and you leap back.
After a short game of cat and mouse, you are trapped against the glass window.
He is too close.
There is a heavy looking vase on the table next to you.
The shock on his face is evident.
He hadn't expected you, his wife, such a small and innocent girl to disrespect her husband like this.
You whimper in horror when he doesn't budge against the decoration piece exploding against his brow bone.
James' eyes narrow as he leans in, a thick stream of blood running down the hurt side of his face.
"Bad girl" and you take off without a second thought.
Thankfully, the door is straight ahead and surprisingly unlocked.
You run without looking back.
The man is not chasing you like you expected.
But you don't want to stick around and find out why.
Though the reason is soon revealed when you race through the little garden and out of the fence door.
You are looking behind you and at the house so it is not until you are a good distance away from it do you turn your head to look ahead.
Icy horror pierces its way down your spine.
Sand and palm trees dominate your vision as far as you can see where you are and your right side.
A devastatingly vast ocean washes the shore you are running on from the left side.
That doesn't stop you until your body gives up after a few minutes.
You ran into the jungle for some cover.
Sobs and tears burst out of you as you collapse on a blanket of leaves.
Your body is weak and confused.
Many hours pass.
You wander and starve.
You hide and shake.
You tip toe and give up.
There are wild animals all around you.
You can hear them.
It's terrifying.
So terrifying that when you hear the stranger's voice some time after dusk, you are almost glad.
Are you done? His bright blue eyes that you can make out even in the dim light ask you silently.
"How'd you even find me?" You were sure you had run a good couple miles.
He refuses to respond until you place your shaking hand in his awaiting metal one.
"I can smell you" his accent is almost foreign as he pulls you up, frowning at your hurt bare feet.
It took you hours to get to where you were but it only takes James a few minutes to get you back home.
"Before I clean you up, I need to punish you." You are baffled. "Good wives don't run away from their husbands."
He doesn't listen to any of your protests and reason that day or ever.
"Little girls don't know what is right for them. Only their husbands can decide that."
He thoroughly washes you that night after giving you the worst spanking, paying no mind to your begging and crying.
You are sniffling as you sit on the bathroom counter wrapped up in a towel an hour later, your sore ass buzzing under you.
Your captor is kneeling in front of you as he tends to your hurt feet.
He tells you your rules as he does so.
"First, you are to always obey me no matter what. Second, your body belongs to me as I am your husband, so you should not try to deny me of it because it will never end well for you. Third, you will respect me or you will live to learn to do so. Four, you will do your chores like a good wife and fulfill your wifely responsibilities. Five, you are to always accept your punishments and thank me for disciplining you after I am through with you, should you choose to break a rule or misbehave. Six, you will not indulge in any activity that can potentially corrupt your little mind. Seven, you will speak with respect and never out of turn. Eight, you are to always greet me when you wake up or if I have been gone a while. Nine, you can try to run. I will never stop you. But when you return home after failing, you will take your punishment obediently. Ten, you must never touch yourself. You are mine and mine alone."
Since the spanking is still fresh on your skin you panic a little and fear forgetting them.
But you find them pasted on the fridge the following morning because he knew you were too dumb to remember them.
A few days pass before you explode about not being his wife and call him crazy.
"You weren't saying that when I did you all those favours."
Horror dawns upon you as you realize that it was him all along.
You don't give up easily, though.
You try to run more times than you can keep count.
Every direction, every plan and every map you make proves to be useless.
Because the last time you do so, you realize that you are on a fucking island.
And since there is a dock near the house with the pantry never running low on groceries, James has a means of transport hidden somewhere is no mystery.
But you don't know when he does it.
So far you haven't been able to figure out a pattern.
Either he was right about you being dumb or your captor was really good at staying one step ahead of you.
Anyways, you have no choice but to return to him crushed and sobbing as always.
He is reading something when you collapse between his legs; ready to accept your punishment as you have learnt that hiding and denying only makes it worse.
James isn't so bad if you follow his rules.
He is just a kidnapper and a misogynist with dangerous reflexes.
His face is smug as he puts the book away. You have noticed that he is not as stiff and troubled as he used to be when you first woke up here months ago at this point.
"How was it, doll?" He loves to hear you talk about it as he bruises your ass. "Any luck?"
Today, though, something different happens.
You don't know if it's resignation and surrender finally settling in or if you have actually started to like this life.
How James gives you a nod of approval and pats your head rewardingly whenever you follow all your rules without any trouble.
The way he lets you stay up past your bed time (yes you have one because good wives are healthy for their husbands) to read a book or watch a movie.
If you were extra good and talked to him (though he was a man of a few words) and helped him out with a little farming thing he had going on in the backyard/patio, he would even let you sleep in the following morning.
No stress or pulling yourself through classes and tight budgets.
Just being what he considered good and then whatever you would mention briefly would be in the house within the next few days.
When he is done punishing you, you thank him and apologize according to routine. But then you hug him.
You tell yourself it is due to the sad reality that your torment is your comfort.
Has to be.
You have no choice.
And then something unexpected happens in the course of the next few days.
While trying to make the best out of this situation, you start to notice the little things, quirks and rituals, habits and mannerisms of this man.
How he doesn't say anything if he doesn't like a certain ingredient or condiment in something you cooked but pushes it aside to use as compost later.
The way he holds you extra tight some times when he mutters a foreign language in his sleep.
How he stares at the scary metal arm after a long day while waiting for you to finish up dinner.
Or the way he struggles to hold himself back whenever you are in a close proximity to him because you cried once he crept his hand up your ass in a sexual way.
You don't get him sometimes.
His morals are as mysterious as him.
Because he kidnapped you and forced you to be his wife in a '40's way, strips you to spank and humiliate you during punishments, then bathes and comforts you in his own way of silently holding you against his chest in his arms until you calm down.
Your tears don't effect him.
But then he refuses to touch you sexually after the one time he tried.
It takes you a while to make the most peace that you can with James, but it happens eventually because you don't have a choice.
The loneliness starts to drive you mad otherwise.
You are helping him with his farming one day when you collapse.
James isn't happy to find out that you haven't had any of your daily water intake for the day.
After he is sure you are hydrated, it is punishment time because caring for yourself is also a rule you are supposed to never break.
Your ass is red and seething by the time he's done. Everything is pretty much routine except that you don't sit up to apologize and maybe hug him like usual.
Not even when he pats your ass to signal that he's done.
"H- Hubby?" You sniffle as you use the endearment.
It had been a proud discovery of yours.
James always gave in a little whenever you used it.
"Yes, little mouse?" You bite your lips as your thighs tremble.
Fuck.
"Y- You say we are husband and wife…"
"What about it?"
You bite your lip as you push your ass out and towards him, letting your legs part.
"Then why don't we act like it?" James is good at concealing his emotions and showing restraint.
But he can't help the way his cock hardens at the sight your pretty red thighs reveal to him.
Your perfect pussy is glistening with your creamy arousal, the entrance of your vagina blinking to indicate its need to be filled.
Fuck.
Though James starts off small and slow with his fingers rubbing your cunt, the night ends with him balls deep into your pussy with his length rearranging your organs.
Whatever was left of you to own for him, he does so after that night.
You cannot go on for long without having some sort of physical proximity to him.
The sex is wild and it's amazing with his stamina.
It is also instrumental in bringing you two closer than ever.
James opens up to you slowly, but only when you ask about it.
You had done so in the past as well.
But since it's genuine curiosity now, he feels comfortable telling you all about it.
It is a lot for you to take in and you almost don't believe him until he shows you some of his belongings from his time.
Things drift on as smoothly for a while as the waves outside your house.
And then comes the ultimate test.
Which decides the course of your future with him.
He is still asleep one morning when you wake up.
It isn't a usual occurrence.
But you had introduced him to comics lately and he had been obsessed with them despite claiming that they were too childish and unrealistic.
While he had a metal arm himself…
You adjust the quilt before getting ready for the day and heading out to make breakfast.
It is when you realize in panic that there aren't any apples left even though James had asked you to make a grocery list (that started when he started trusting you more) and you had assured him that you had enough apples for a while.
"I am gonna get the hairbrush today, I swear to God!" You mutter to yourself as you rush through the house like a headless chicken.
Thankfully, your garden had an apple tree so you could save yourself from a breakfast spanking at the very least.
But something standing next to the dock catches your attention before you can the apples you try to budge free from their branches.
A motorboat.
Before you can decide what you think of it, you are standing next to it on the dock.
It has fuel and a map. The key is in the ignition.
You narrow your eyes and feel your head splitting.
A lot goes through your mind.
Flashbacks play before your eyes.
It is almost a full circle moment.
And then you are standing in front of James who is seated on a stool next to the kitchen counter you use for dining.
His head is lowered as he sips on his coffee and stabs at the breakfast you prepared with a fork.
"Hubby?" Your captor freezes before he slowly looks up at you.
The blue of his eyes is troubled. He is in disbelief. As though he wasn't expecting you to be standing here.
"There is a boat outside. Do you think someone could be–"
"You didn't leave." His voice is heavy.
"What kind of a wife leaves her home?"
You two just stare at each other for a while.
No words exchanged.
Then, for the first time ever, James gets up and hurriedly closes the distance between you two, enveloping you in his arms before pushing you against the wall behind you.
"I felt so angry and wronged that I thought I could take anything because I deserved it after everything that happened to me but… I love you too much, mouse."
He has never spoken this earnestly before.
"I just realized that I do too."
James kisses you passionately before you wrap yourself around him and close your eyes blissfully.
He tightens his own arms around you gladly.
He would have hated to end up back on square one with you had you chosen to try and escape.
The boat would have blown up a small fuse that would have been loud enough for his enhanced hearing if someone– you, were to turn the keys in the ignition.
Yes, he wasn't expecting you to be back but only too soon.
It was a test and you passed.
As always, James stuck to his ways and rewarded you for being such a good wife.
By giving you a ring, a new wardrobe and a baby that was the first of many to come.
.
What do you think hAH-
#ask kai#anon love#bucky barnes#bucky barnes smut#winter soldier#winter soldier smut#dark!bucky barnes x reader#dark!bucky barnes#dark!bucky x you#dark!bucky x reader#dark!bucky smut#bucky barnes x oc#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barns x reader#bucky barns fanfiction#bucky barns imagine#bucky barns x y/n#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x you#winter soldier x y/n
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by the way July is disability pride month, so let's go over some things, shall we?
are you normal about incontinent folk needing aids such as diapers or catheters? if you think they're wearing one for fetish reasons or think they're inherently gross for something they cannot control, you're ableist full stop. stop assuming incontinent people are immediately sexual for having a disability aid! this can be applied for countless other disability aids that have been unfortunately sexualized (especially from people who have no idea what consent is) too!
are you aware about the fact that finding a good therapist can take a really long time, especially in the United States in which healthcare is seen as a privilege and we're still fighting for universal healthcare? if you don't like someone, especially if someone is mentally ill and struggling, stop weaponizing therapy towards them and acting like therapy will cure every mental illness ever instantly. you're not only ableist, but classist when you say "go to therapy" or "seek psychiatric help" towards someone you don't like for something VERY trivial. HEALING. IS. NONLINEAR. there are so many therapists that absolutely suck and will invalidate your struggles and finding the right one that will fit your needs is a literal treasure hunt that can take YEARS.
are you trying to reclaim the r slur? guess what! i hate you! even if you are disabled, you cannot reclaim a slur that people still use as a means to discriminate against intellectually and developmentally disabled folk, and you sound like a conservative dipshit! even if you say you are disabled and "reclaim" it, i do not trust you. a good chunk of people in the disabled community will gladly beat your ass.
are you autistic? if so, are you going to shame other autistics for having autistic traits that you don't have? if yes, you are 100% selfish. even comparing autistics you don't like to people like Chris-chan is also dehumanizing and adding to the stigma that we're dangerous and should be dehumanized and made fun of for having autism! Wow, sounds familiar, huh?
remember this too, that you cannot pick and choose around disability advocacy for your own comfort. Disability advocacy is about unity around all disabilities and we will fight tooth and nail for our rights to be respected and acknowledged. Even if you do not like someone who happens to be disabled and mock their disabili(ties), perhaps you should side with the oppressor with all the infighting you're doing.
(disabled folk feel free to add on, abled folk can reblog!)
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I'm both trans and intersex. Not just intersex by technicality either.
I was born with both male and female primary sexual characteristics, it affects me every day. Chronic pain, discrimination from doctors, you name it. My life is a constant attempt at convincing the world that my body genuinely does not fit the binary of male and female.
I was still assigned male despite this, so most of my life has been shaped by that, most of my trauma around my gender comes from being trans. But still despite that, I identify closer with my intersex identity.
I do that because even within the trans community there is little understanding or respect for intersex people, we're often made to fit a perisex trans understanding of sex and gender, and that's frustrating.
This means that I primarily fight for intersex rights, even more so with how most of the world refuses to acknowledge our existence even in this age of better understanding of trans people.
I simply have to with how the world works.
But...
The fight for intersex rights and the fight for trans rights is essentially the same. It's a fight to not be limited by the majority, a fight not to be forced to conform to the status quo rejecting out nature.
It's as unnatural to force a trans person to comform to their AGAB as it is to force an intersex person to undergo surgery or forced HRT.
Both are violations of our individuality and our bodily autonomy, both are entirely fueled by a refusal to understand or adapt to reality.
The reality is that trans people are the gender they claim to be, and that intersex people don't have to be clearly male or female to be complete people.
This is why transphobes will ALWAYS be at odds with intersex people
To any terf or otherwise transphobe out there:
You're not our friend, you're not on our side. And you'll never be speaking for us when you try to put down trans people.
You'll always be our enemy, you'll always be our oppressor, and ultimately, you'll be left in the dust. Being nothing nothing but a villain in the grand scheme of human history, just like all other bigots before you. You can claim to be right all you want, but in the end. Life proves you wrong. You can't fight that forever.
Edit: When I say intersex by technicality I don't mean to exclude anyone, no matter how minor your intersex condition may seem, no matter if it's visible or not to those around you. You're still intersex, and your experience matters.
I was just trying to shut up bad faith actors who've tried to attack me by implying I wasn't truly intersex in the past. Which ironically is what I have done here.
For that I am sorry
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I'm not actually sure what Very Online types think should happen in Palestine and I don't think they're sure either bc what is this
We shouldn't praise a teenager resisting the draft too hard bc. Bc...? I struggle to even parse what's being said here. It's guff about how "the bar is really this low" and then a reminder of how "we are seeing what is happening to Palestinians...and this is what people are uplifting?" but like. What does that mean though
They want Israeli oppression of Palestine to cease, but we can't be happy that a teenager refused to join in that oppression? So what should we do. Should we not encourage teens to resist the draft in a country with mandatory military service, heavy propaganda, and that has organized society to heavily stigmatize resisting military service? No, genuinely, what do they want people to do? We need the occupation to end, but also can't support anyone who's fighting for that to happen, since uhhh is the bar really this low??? Would it have been better if he joined the IDF
(do people not know Israel has mandatory military service? I've seen people agreeing with this by saying "refusing to join is the bare minimum, deciding to enlist is horrific". But they're not enlisting, it's conscription. Do they think this person enlisted then withdrew or something...? And why would that not be worth celebrating???)
The answer is ofc this person hasn't really thought about any of this. It's just raging id and an idea that engaging in online discourse is what's truly helpful. It's like the people who treated Hozier as if he was some pro-genocide goon for saying there needs to be "peace" in a statement far more condemnatory than most, since...I still don't know. "How can you talk about peace when one side's oppressing the other?" Well ending that is what peace is, definitionally speaking. How else will it end but with a treaty
The scenario here seems to be, we need the genocide and occupation to end. But also we can't support any Israelis trying to stop it, and should be sus of activism in general. Also we can't talk about "peace" in any way. We just need to post about how it should happen
Anyway when people pointed this out they instantly locked replies and said the "kumbaya libs found it 💔"
It reminds me of those people who swarm any story about Russian anti-war activists by saying it doesn't matter unless they personally assassinate Putin. Like cool. I guess people in the oppressor state should just do nothing to oppose it then if they can't fix anything. Screaming at someone who refuses to join the military that it's actually very problematic that they aren't joining in the oppression, when there's so much oppression to oppose instead of praising them for refusing to join the oppression
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i mean, i guess i have to respect the total commitment to his heel turn?
Maybe someone could remind The Rock that choosing neutrality in the face of oppression is to side with the oppressor.
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Sorry one more thing I wasn't going to talk about but if you had asked me about the binational state/land thing maybe... in 2016, I might have given a somewhat positive answer but I think that since then, Israeli society has become exponentially more racist and anti-Palestinian. Since then we had the Abraham Accords, Sheikh Jarrah, Massafir Yatta, the highest child martyr count in years, and now finally a full blown genocide. Many Palestinians who previously advocated for equality in a single state look at all this, especially in recent months and think "how can I live side by side with these people?"
The vast majority of Israeli society is not against war for the sake of the Palestinians, they're against war for their own safety. They say as much. Hell, look at standing together. The founder guy says "our security is tied in with the Palestinians'". So if it wasn't tied with the Palestinians', you wouldn't care? And I get sometimes you need to introduce people to ideas gently, but their entire organization language emphasizes "shared pain" when there is an oppressor/oppressed dynamic they aren't even hinting at. How can anyone achieve safety if you won't even admit you have power over your Palestinian org members?
Even Brothers in Arms claims to want to "strengthen democracy" but they completely ignore Palestinians have never experienced democracy in "Israel". So what's the point strengthening your own standing when the most disadvantaged still are at rock bottom?? Plus your whole group represents the IOF reservists/members, you have no intention of helping Palestinians when you are the primary oppressors. And this is not an insignificant group in israel!
Not many Israelis are willing to put themselves on the line to protect or even advocate for Palestinians. I mean 7+ months into a genocide and what did israeli society do other than protest *netanyahu*? Hold up flour bags during the flour massacre??? The people serving in the idf are your friends and family and community. Tel Aviv is an hour away from Gaza. Surely you can do *something* physical!! They had people at their Gaza borders starving Palestinians on purpose and people just... watched it happen. Not to mention the IOF, which many Israelis are a part of, participates in the genocide and has been lauded for their "heroism". I look at that and I think "how can I expect you to seriously consider my rights as a person? How do I know you won't miss your old status and reclaim it?"
We've seen Israelis *celebrate* and *ridicule* our martyrs and people. So like where us the good faith in all this? Where can we work with some of these people and think "Yeah I believe they'll respect my inherent dignity as a person"?
Which binationalism relies on this. You need to have good faith between communities for this to actually happen. But when one community won't even acknowledge it's status as an oppressor at the height of oppression? Then what?
Israel as a country has never faced any retribution for its actions for 75 years. No one is holding them accountable. The country teaches propaganda in its schools about the Nakba. There is not serious consideration for Palestinian rights in Israeli society. Why would they suddenly decide to participate in a project that puts Palestinians as equal to Israelis when they learned all their lives that Palestinians are ruthless, unreasonable people who can't be reasoned with, and Israelis are logical, poor victims who are actually the ones who need protection from the Palestinians!
It just is mind boggling because I see people constantly complain about the way they hear things from Palestinians these days like "all Israelis need to leave". And they go on to say "why would you be so hateful/why would you say that" and don't think for a minute they're experiencing a televised genocide of their people (which they could have ended up in their shoes! People forget that Gaza has multiple refugee camps! Any one of us could have lived there!) And conversely are looking to Israeli society for them to do anything and they see nothing. At least think for a moment why they would say these things given the context of the situation. There's a genocide going on! And you're worried about what the people who are experiencing their people's genocide are saying because you're worried for the society conducting said genocide?? Let's deal with the matter at hand first!!!!!!
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