#meaning 'who the hell is jordie' will never happen

[singin-salmon]

ep. 4 shadow and bone spoilers...

WHY THE FUCK IS HALF OF CROOKED KINGDOM HAPPENING RN?????? ik that they're trying to pack as much in as they can just in case the show isn't renewed but all the plots are just so messed up.

[misscongeniality18]

Hi! I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS SO MUCH SO I'M HERE AGAIN! This time I would like to ask you to write something about Kaz Brekker and reader where she is like a longtime friend and a member of the Crows. The two have always had feelings for each other but never spoke about it so, when they argue because something dangerous happens, the truth comes out and a smut at the end?! I love this prompt so much. I don't know why but I'm so obsessed with best friends to lovers!

OMG girl yes, I love this trope too! This is my first fic with any smut, but I'll try my best! I also didn't mean to make this so long, but it just sort of happened?

Movement - Kaz Brekker (18+, Minors DNI)

Synopsis ! You and Kaz have been friends forever, but lately, you couldn't help but want something more. When the two of you are put in danger's path, both of your truths are out in the open. Pairing ! Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Genres ! Friends-to-lovers, angst, fluff, smut Warnings ! Violence, blood, danger, language, reader is the only one who can touch Kaz, maybe slightly ooc Kaz?, kissing, nudity, sexual content (fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex [wrap it up people]) Word Count - 3047

" When you move

I'm put to mind of all that I wanna be

When you move

I could never define all that you are to me "

- Movement, Hozier

Masterlist Request Guide

You and Inej ran across the rooftops, jumping from gable to gable. Tonight's heist had a plentiful bounty that sat nestled in Inej's pockets. The two of you had been charged with stealing some pieces of the Ravkan crown jewels that had been taken from the palace and illegally sold.

What did Kaz want with stolen jewels? He may be your best friend, but not even you could read his mind. He had tells, of course, as did almost everybody, but Kaz’s past made him especially skillful at hiding them. You knew this all too well.

After all, you had been the one to pull him out of the harbor.

You had been infected with firepox like Kaz and his brother, but Jordie was the only one who perished out of the three of you. You didn’t know them personally at the time, only in passing. When you and Kaz were both dumped into the harbor with the others who had died, thought to be dead yourselves, you had woken up to same horrors of rotting corpses around you and the feeling of cold, mushy flesh.

While you had been around death and illness before—witnessing your parents die of the disease—Kaz hadn’t seen anything like this until then. He’d had to use his brother’s body as a life raft to swim to shore. You’d grown up swimming in a nearby fishing village, so you swam to shore easily. When you saw Kaz struggling, you’d reached out to him, and he’d hung onto you for dear life.

That night had been traumatizing for him, and for years afterwards, he was unable to touch anyone. It took several more years to get him to touch you, and you’d been patient and worked with Kaz to get used to the feeling of skin on skin again. But it could only be you. Anyone else, and he’d be right back in the water.

You were always there to pull Kaz out of the murky depths, witnessing him at his lowest. You were also there to see him in his triumph of leading his Crows and defeating Pekka Rollins. Finally, he could rest, and Kaz wanted to do it with you.

While planning heists, of course.

Kaz didn’t want you going along, and he’d always try to persuade you to stay behind or at least stay by his side. He always had a soft side for you, so he’d usually meet you halfway. You were in the same boat; your connection to Kaz originated from your soul, and you’d do anything to appease him. But tonight, Kaz wasn’t there, so you took the opportunity to join Inej on the rooftops.

You just didn’t expect anyone to shoot you.

Kaz stormed into your room at the Slat, the door slamming into the wall behind him as he took in your white undershirt lifted just enough to reveal the bloodied gash on the side of your ribs. “What the hell happened?”

You rolled your eyes as Jesper held you down while Nina worked to heal the wound in your side. “It’s a scratch, Kaz. I’m totally fine. The bullet didn’t hit anything serious.”

“Bullet?!” Kaz exclaimed in shock. “I was told you fell off the roof.”

Wylan, from his spot in the corner of the room, hummed in opposition. “That was after she was shot.”

You suddenly let out a groan, squirming in Jesper’s arms. Kaz rushed over as fast as he could, ignoring the searing pain in his leg. “Move, Jes.”

Kaz took Jesper’s spot in keeping you still while Nina finished healing you. “It’s going to leave a scar, but you should be fine by the morning. Good thing the bullet never actually went through you.”

“That will be enough, Nina,” Kaz said lowly, and everyone knew to clear the room as fast as they could.

As soon as the others were gone, you sighed, pulling your undershirt down to cover your bandage. “Say what you’re going to say and get it over with.”

“How the fuck could you be so stupid? Joining Inej on the roof, of all places? Why not be with Nina or Jesper on the ground? We all know how clumsy you are, so it was just a matter of time before you fell off, and oh, look. You did!”

You snorted. “Like Wylan said, that was after I was shot.”

Kaz glared at you as he paced the room, leaning heavily on his cane. “That doesn’t make it any better.”

“Nothing ever does. You never let me do anything.” A child-like pout formed on your lips, and Kaz wanted to tuck your bottom lip back in place.

He refrained, however. “I have my reasons.”

“Saints, Kaz,” you huffed, sitting up and carefully standing, trying to keep your bandages in place. “If you’re not going to let me go on jobs, why am I even here?”

Kaz met your eyes, the most intense and unique shade of blue you’d ever seen. “When we were young, we promised to stick together. Don’t you remember?”

You swallowed, memories flashing behind your eyes; pinkies interlocking, teary eyes, and yes, the promise that the two of you had made.

“Of course I remember, you idiot,” you replied, holding out your pinkie finger.

Kaz glanced down at it out of the corner of his eye, dead set on refusing, but he could never say no to you. He sighed, linking your bare finger with his gloved one. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he whispered, deep and low in his throat.

You shook your head, lips turning upwards. “You will never lose me, Kaz. I’m yours forever.”

Something crossed his eyes for a brief moment, something you’d never seen before.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Do you mean that? That you’re mine?”

You furrowed your brow, searching his face, but he turned away. “Kaz? What is it? Why are you asking me this?”

He sighed your name, closing his eyes. “I—I think I…The way that I feel about you…I think it’s…I think…”

Kaz trailed off, his chest rising with every breath, unable to finish his sentence, and he turned away. But his shield dropped, and you were able to see every emotion he was feeling.

Now you recognized what you were seeing. You’d just never seen it in Kaz before. It all made sense. The way he never wanted you in harm’s way, how he would always turn to you for advice, secrets that only you knew, the smiles that appeared only when you were around. Kaz cared for you. He…

He loved you.

Your heart soared because you loved him too. You have for a while now, but you’d never been able to act on it. Yes, Kaz was able to touch you, but in this capacity, you weren’t sure.

Taking the small step to close the distance between you was terrifying, but you were meant for terrifying things.

“Yes, Kaz,” you whispered. “I’m yours.”

You looked down at his lips, the palest of pinks. Your breaths intermingled, you were so close. “Are you… Can I…?”

You hated that you couldn’t get the questions out. It was Kaz, but you still felt like you should know him well enough not to ask. But since it was Kaz, you had to. You didn’t want to do anything he wasn’t ready for.

“I’ve never… I don’t know how,” he admitted, turning away from you, cheeks turning the color of his lips.

“It’s okay,” you said, slowly lifting a hand. At your inquiring gaze, Kaz nodded. Your hand was warm against his cool skin. “I’ll follow your move.”

Kaz inched closer, noses brushing. “Is this okay?”

You nodded, eyelids fluttering. “Yes. Are you okay?”

He let out a breath, sending gooseflesh over your skin. “Yes,” he answered, and then his lips touched yours.

It was like no kiss you’ve ever had before. The others you’d kissed had been rushed, a frenzy of lips and tongues and teeth. But Kaz’s kiss, it was slow and deliberate, like he wanted to stop time itself and stay in this moment with you.

All in all, you were seeing a different side of Kaz. He usually had a hard exterior, the ruthless Bastard of the Barrel persona he had created. When he was alone with you, he was more relaxed and open, but still haunted by the ghosts of his past. You’d never gotten to know the boy he was before, only the one you had helped out of the harbor.

Was this who you were seeing? Not Kaz Brekker, but Kaz Rietveld? A boy who was curious and sweet-natured, tender and benevolent?

Then his tongue stroked your bottom lip, and you jumped in surprise.

“Was that wrong?” Kaz asked, panic lighting up his eyes.

“No,” you said, shocked. “It was right.”

Kaz grinned at you, a true smile this time, not the little thing he did as the notorious gang leader, and his gloved hands gingerly touching your waist, careful of your injury. “Can we do it again?”

You returned the smile. “Yes.”

He kissed you again, much more confident and sure than before. When his hands moved across your waist, brushing your bandaged side, you gasped.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against your lips between kisses.

You hummed, chills running down your spine when his hands gripped your hips. “It’s okay.”

“I’d like to try something else, if that’s okay?”

You pulled back a hair’s breadth to look into his eyes, his pupils blown wide, and you knew how much your kisses were affecting him. “Are you sure? This isn’t moving too fast for you?”

“I’ve wasted enough time, and I don’t want to wait any longer. I just…” He lowered his head, stray bits of his hair brushing against your bare shoulder. “I’ve never done this before.”

You brushed away the hair that had fallen forward, lifting his head to you. Your fingers tangled themselves in his dark locks, silky and fine to the touch. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

Kaz leaned forward and kissed your forehead, a simple, gratuitous kiss, and then he brushed his lips across your temple, your cheekbones, your jaw, and then the crook of your neck. He was experimenting, finding each touch a new and thrilling way to explore you. “Is this okay?” He mumbled against your shoulder.

You had your head tilted back, eyes closed. Every single one of Kaz’s kisses tingled against your skin, and your breath came out in pants. “Yes,” you gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Kaz continued to press kisses to your shoulders, across your collarbone, against your throat. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered.

“Do whatever you want,” you breathed.

“And if I want to take your shirt off?”

You opened your eyes, lids heavy with want. Kaz’s eyes were blazing with a fire you’d only ever seen when he’d defeated Pekka Rollins, but that had been a sinister and triumphant flame, and this was burning only for you out of desire.

“Then take it off.”

Kaz fingered the hem of your shirt, lifting it ever so slowly. He avoided the bandage on your side, and when the garment was over your head, he tossed it to the floor.

“Saints,” Kaz cursed, gazing at your bare skin and breasts. “You’re so beautiful,”

You pulled him towards you, kissing him feverishly. “Touch me, please.”

Kaz ran a hand over belly, up your ribcage, and lightly trailed his fingers over the swell of your breast, causing you to gasp in his mouth. “Is that good?” He asked, his voice low and coarse.

“Yes.”

“What about this?” He inquired as his thumb brushed against your nipple.

“Yes,” you whined, enjoying his experimentation. He wasn’t trying to be seductive, you knew, but Saints, he was doing a very good job. Your lower belly fluttered, and desire pooled between your legs.

“And if I were to…”

A gasp left your lips as his mouth closed around a nipple, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud. One of his hands squeezed the breast not occupied by his mouth, and the other settled low on your hip, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your ass.

Your own hands gripped the collar of Kaz’s shirt, and you pulled him towards your bed. He moved to support you as the two of you lowered to the mattress.

Kaz gazed down at you, bare and flushed for him, glowing in the candlelight. You really were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. If it was between you or mountains of gold, he’d choose you in a heartbeat. Hell, he’d even give the gold to Pekka if it meant keeping you forever.

You trailed your fingers over the expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath. Then you undid one button, and then another, and another. You blinked up at him, searching him for hesitation. “Is this okay?”

Kaz nodded, starting to undo some buttons himself, and your fingers met in the middle to slide the fabric over his shoulders together. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close to you, feeling his bare chest against yours as your lips met again. Legs opening to accommodate his body, you held him to you, and you never wanted to let go.

Hands were everywhere, to your surprise. Never before has Kaz touched you like this, so unreserved and wanting. Before, he would give you a hand to help you up, or a simple pat on the shoulder for a job well done. But this, you didn’t want him to stop.

His hands brushed against the fastenings of your pants, and the hesitation set it. Kaz’s throat bobbed, and before he could say anything, you reached down and undid the buttons yourself, shimmying the material over your hips and kicking it to the floor.

Kaz raked his gaze over you, a faint blush creeping over his skin. He licked his lips, his fingers sliding down your hip, over your thigh. His eyes met yours, and you felt yourself melting under the intensity of his desire. “Can I?” He asked, and you opened your legs in answer.

One finger ran over your seam, and your breath hitched. Then Kaz spread you, the pad of his finger brushing against the tiny bundle of nerves that made you moan. Kaz looked up at you, mischief gleaming in his eyes, and he touched you there again.

Your head thrown back, you gripped your sheets tightly, the anticipation making you squirm. Kaz followed the trail of your wetness to your entrance, and he drew tiny circles around you, and your hips bucked in search for more. This made Kaz curious, so he slowly pushed his finger into you, and you sighed.

You were so warm and wet, Kaz found. And the more he moved his finger, withdrawing it from you before sliding back in, the wetter you became. The sounds you made stirred something within him, setting his heart to pounding.

Then you moaned his name when he hit a certain spot inside of you.

“Kaz.”

He lifted his head to you, and you were watching him, your pupils so dilated, they covered the beautiful color of your irises. Your chest was rising and falling as you stared at him, and then you sat up, causing his finger to leave your warmth.

You reached for him, pulling his face to yours in a kiss. “I need you,” you whispered against his lips, and your hands were creating a trail down his chest and to his belt. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Kaz said, and his hands joined yours in unbuckling his belt. Together, you removed his pants, and Kaz kicked off his shoes.

You slid a hand between you, touching the hard length of him with your fingertips. A groan left him, and his head dropped to rest against your shoulder. You pressed a kiss to his hair as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly moving up and down. He grew harder with every stroke, and he began to press kisses to your neck and shoulder.

An idea sparked in your mind, and you hooked one leg around his hips, flipping so you were on top. Kaz’s eyes went wide, and he met yours as excitement and expectation set in. You continued to stroke him, and as you moved to hover over him, you asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” he replied, and he crashed his mouth to yours as you slowly lowered onto him.

Saints, this was better than your hand. You were extraordinary. Mouths moving against one another, bodies joined in a way that was so intimate, nothing would ever take its place. This was heaven, and Kaz would never be the same after this.

You moved, sliding your hips away from his before returning back to him. Every stroke of you around him made Kaz’s insides tighten until it felt like he was going to burst. He ran his hands over every inch of you he could reach, over your arms and shoulders, your waist, and following the movement of your hips.

The moans continued to leave your mouth even as you kissed him, and when you muttered that you were close, he felt you tighten around him, and that was his undoing.

Everything within Kaz shattered, as if something snapped within him. He held you against him, not wanting to let you go. When your breath returned, you slid off of him, the evidence of his release sticking to the insides of your thighs.

“Will you hand me my shirt?” You asked, collapsing beside him.

Kaz leaned over the side of the bed, grabbing the thin undershirt you had been wearing. You cleaned him off first, then yourself before throwing the shirt back to the floor. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, Kaz held you close, and you tucked your head underneath his chin. Your legs were intertwined, and so were your fingers, the sweat making your bodies stick together.

This moment was perfection, Kaz thought, and he nuzzled your hair.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your lips turned upwards in a smile as you pressed them lightly to his chest, eyes growing heavy with exhaustion.

“I love you, too.

[jkriordanverse]

soc but we don't really talk about the ways the characters grieve over matthias's death much so i'm doing it.

Note: since @clarissaweasley-10 is still grieving i thought i'd make this to soften the blow

Kaz - This guy lost one of his crows. They were supposed to be under his care, he was supposed to protect them. They were all supposed to make it. But they didn't. And it scares him because what if it hadn't been Matthias but Inej, or Jesper, or Wylan, or hell, even Nina. This is Jordie all over again, he let someone get a bit too close and now they're gone...it hurts. My personal hc is that he doesn't really allow himself to grieve, and chooses instead to overwork himself until finally Inej confronts him and tells him it's okay to miss Matthias.

Inej - It upsets her that he died, given their situations were so similar to each other, both having their families taken away from them at a young age, then going into something that wasn't good. But Matthias, he had his whole life ahead of him. I mean, Inej wasn't sure what she was going to do after Kaz and the heists and all of that, but Matthias was going to settle down with Nina, and then all this happened. And it's just wrong that he was taken away so early and maybe the gods she believed in hadn't been so giving as she thoguht they were. But overall I think she'd be the first to make peace with it.

Wylan - It scares him. I mean, from his time with Van Eck leading up towards his incident in the canal, he's been on edge at the thought of death and he might die alone, too. But now he's with his friends, and his life is going great, and he has what could possibly be the love of his life, he feels invincible and it was perfect. But then Matthias died and hell, he wasn't even really there when it happened. and it wasn't perfect anymore, and it reminds him that maybe life is more fragile than he remembered.

Jesper - It haunts him like it haunts Nina. I mean, what if he had been the one who took parem instead, then maybe, just maybe, Nina would've still had her powers and might've been able to heal Matthias back, or at least control his blood pressure to a stable level until Kaz got a healer. I think like Inej, he knows that Mattthias had his whole life ahead of him, and it kinda gives him the thought that maybe he should've been the one who died instead of Matthias. or he should've been there, maybe his Grisha powers could'ved deflected the bullet elsewhere, there were endless possibilities. It haunts him, and he never really gets over it, even though he acts like he has.

[vole-mon-amour]

2x03, part 1.

Oh wow. OH WOW???? I'M— That's is soooo uncharacteristic for Kaz. And for once, it fits.

She's the only one who can beat his ass and stay untouchable. Get his ass!!

Damn it. I think they nailed it. Even the memory of that in the book gets me all riled up. I'm so mad at Rollins and what he did to those kids. I'd say "Damn it, Jordie", but really, it wasn't his fault. They were just orphans against the entire world, and Jordie wanted the best for him and Kaz. He could he could trust this man. The question of rolling robbing them and leaving them to die, though? How can somebody to that is another topic.

And that's why I disliked you even in the books. :) Funny, though, and very convenient to turn back into the prince when the situation needs that. "My Tsarevich."

For once, I agree with Alina. Show him who's the boss.

I have an ao3 tab open since 2x01. And I am definitely reading that after finishing the season. :) This is a good moment.

Honestly, the way they mixed up the books and something that didn't exist in it.

Wait, WHAT??????? Somebody explain pls. Surely they're not hinting at Jesper and Wylan having sex before????? Surely it's something else???

Jesper is precious.

A Merchant's son. The one whose father hired people to kill him. My good, their stories! The book is sucking me back in.

Yeah, Jesper, you're a goner. :') Just like you were with Kaz. I'm still convinced that if Kaz was more... available, maybe? Then something would have happened. Bc there's no wonder in my mind that Jesper has a crush on Kaz in the books.

I mean, technically, she may be right. But she constantly demands of him. I mean, yeah, she's loyal, but so are other crows? And they don't ask anything in return because they know who they are dealing with and what comes with it, pros AND cons? Sorry if I stick with Jesper that will follow Kaz to Hell and accept that maybe not blindly, but quietly. He'll be ok with Kaz scolding him or whatever. Doesn't mean it should be that way forever, but Jesper knows what comes with it. He trusts him. He loves him. So why's Inej special, huh? The fact that she pushes Kaz into telling her = pushes him away. Let him have this at his own pace. "Oooh, I don't care about your trauma, oooh, tell me immediately." Piss off. Perfect couple, my ass.

Like here. Jesper ACCEPTS it. Jesper will follow him. Kaz means so much to him. He doesn't entirely understand Kaz, but he TRUSTS him & waits for him when Kaz needs him to.

And before anyone says anything, K*nej is my absolute notp. Choose the reason that suits you, but I will never ship Kaz and Inej. Kaz can stay with Jesper and Inej can stay with Nina.

Gorgeous. Stunning. Breathtaking.

No fucking way? Wait, did Kaz tell her in the books? I believe he didn't, and definitely not at that moment? HELLLOOOOOO??? I'm not really sure. A re-read is a must now.

That is a beautiful gesture. *sigh* His hands are shaking, and yet.

It was Kaz's trauma that pulled him back from Inej in the books. Not Nina. I don't need this implication that they would've kissed if it wasn't for Nina. Yeah, I'm having a hard time watching those scenes, just like I knew I would.

Now THIS I ship. "She missed Nina." Girlfriends. <3

He. Him.

A badass!!

Not Genya :( Get fucked, Sasha. Get fucked.

Are they... holding hands? I'm so confused about how they portray Wesper. It's out of nowhere!! C'mon, they hold hands the entire time & I'm so disappointed??? Jesper doesn't know him at all. He calls him a stranger. It's so logical in CK, what happens here????

Kaz прикладывается к бутылке? Like, yeah, he drinks when he stressed out, but to carry a drink with himself, everywhere? Is this the Kaz we know?

[fiixer]

A couple Misc. Little Headcanons that won't go away, so I'm posting them here:

Will never be seen in public, or in private with people he's unfamiliar with (or purposely keeping at arm's length) in anything less than business casual. Seeing him in anything less is a big sign you're in good standing, as it probably means he's invited you into a private residence, doesn't feel the need to be the intimidating fixer everyone knows him as, and is okay with allowing you to see that image.

Everyone picture tiny, chubby baby Jordi right now. This isn't a headcanon, I just thought about it and now I want all of you to do so, too.

Doesn't date, but has no hesitation about taking someone on a date. You're not getting a commitment of any sort of out of him, but if you're down for the peripheral stuff? Nice dinners, a long walk by the lake, spending a night wandering around some sort of festive thing that the city has going on (ie. the Taste of Chicago), that sort of thing? Hell yeah, sure, he can play the part for a night. He'll even be a gentleman while he's doing it - to some degree, I mean Jordi's still...y'know, Jordi, but you're not going to open your own doors, or pay for anything, and might find his jacket over your shoulders if you're obviously cold, so that has to count for something, right?

If his first impression of you is good (you're straightforward with jobs you want done and pay him well if you're contracting him, or you do your damn job and deliver results if you're working for him), later on you can ask for damn near anything and he'll provide, sometimes at a discount or sometimes simply out of the goodness of his black little heart. A favor for a favor is big in his world, and he always repays his debts. So, you help him out, and you might be surprised by the things he can and will do for you in return.

Grew up speaking both English and Mandarin at his parents' insistence, as they figured knowing both would give him the best advantage later in life. And they...weren't exactly wrong. English not included, Mandarin is the third most commonly spoken language in Chicago, so a few additional doors are open to him when it comes to potential jobs; be it jobs he's actually accepting or digging up information, it helps a lot being able to, y'know, talk to people.

Random, small child babbling absolute gibberish his way, and he'll be the guy who's basically like cheers, kiddo and continuing on his way. Screaming and/or crying children are another story and he's just gonna nope the fuck out of that situation because that is just a migraine waiting to happen.

You're probably not going to find any one consistent genre of music playing with him, whether it's in a car he's using or in hideout/residence of his. His taste is pretty varied, and even he's been a little surprised by songs and artists he ends up liking.

He's got a few properties scattered around, hideouts not included. Chicago is the main point, where he has three: one is a condo considered his personal residence, and the other two are rented out. He's got other rentals in San Fransisco, Seattle and NY - one in each, he didn't go crazy with it - all for a little extra cash in his pocket. Having those properties also provides a little bit of cover for himself, because if anyone goes poking around, he can play himself off as a real estate investor.

Want an easy way to get on his good side? Give him anything sweet - sickeningly sweet - with a bunch of additional bonus points if that sweet thing is strawberry, salted caramel or white chocolate.

Aiden gives Jordi crap for being an inch shorter than him. Jordi gives Aiden crap for being 1 year older than him. Karma decides to side with Aiden for a change and Jordi starts going grey first.

[the-strange-world]

Songs that feel like a hug! 🤗 Part 1

I hope these songs can give you a little comfort, make you feel less alone, help you in any way, etc! ❤️ I added my fav parts of the songs too

There’s a bunch of different types of songs/genres in this list! Pop, kpop, broadway, singer/singer-songwriter, etc.

come out and play - Billie Eilish ~ “you don’t have to keep it quiet”

Take Care of Yourself - Maisie Peters ~ “and I hate how you’re going through hell, yeah, when you’d never let anyone else”

Definition of ugly is - THE ROSE ~ The whole song

what is life? - Nlve ~ “yeah, I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine, I just need my own time, I know”

Tired - Nlve ~ “how do I breathe when I’m underwater?”

Daylily - Movements ~ The whole song

Hug - SEVENTEEN ~ The whole song

Circles - SEVENTEEN ~ The whole song

Not Alone - SEVENTEEN ~ The whole song

That’s Okay - D.O ~ The whole song

Pink Cloud - Whee In ~ “like a pink cloud, let me shine”

Anxiety - Sein ~ The whole song

Best Regards - youra ~ “this is fearless. No, no, no judgement”

Not Your Year - The Weepies ~ The whole song

Comfort - Deb Talan ~ The whole song

Camp Anonymous - Cautious Clay ~ “I feel liked but not loved”

Fine - TAEYEON ~ “it’s not fine”

Under the Weather - KT Tunstall ~ “constantly bailing out water but still feel like I’m gonna sink”

Hands - Jewel ~ The whole song

Good Night (Healing Song) - Standing Egg ~ “healing your heart til morning comes”

You Deserve an Oscar - Matt Maltese ~ “and I think you deserve an Oscar for pretending nothing’s wrong”

Smile in the Face of the Devil - Matt Maltese - “good things happen to the bad ones but you’re a tortoise and they’ve got bad hair”

ICU - aespa ~ The whole song

Who You Are - Jessie J ~ The whole song

This Life - KEY ~ “gotta think yourself first”

Idle Idle - sunwoojunga ~ The whole song

Liability - Lorde ~ they say “you’re a little much for me, you’re a liability”

Have Mercy - Eryn Allen Kane ~ “my hearts still hurts for the world that I know”

Paint - The Paper Kites ~ “how little you know, how little you know”

Closer - THE BOYZ ~ The whole song

Rainbow - Kacey Musgraves ~ The whole song

new light - Nlve ~ “good night, baby, I wanna say you’ll be fine”

I Am Here - P!nk ~ “I can make anywhere home”

All I Know So Far - P!nk ~ “let the walls crack ‘cause it lets the light in”

Mirrorball - Taylor Swift ~ “I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me” or “I’ve never been a natural. All I do is try, try, try”

this is me trying - Taylor Swift ~ “I just wanted you to know that this is me trying”

Matilda - Harry Styles ~ “you showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days”

six speed - ROLE MODEL ~ “pretty people seem so unhappy with themselves. If I had a face like that, I’d never love no one else”

Good Not Great - JORDY ~ “I’m just a little bit good, not great”

Love Me More - Sam Smith ~ “maybe I am learning how to love me more”

Waste of Emotion - ELIO ~ “feelings. Oh, why can’t I just feel them”

This Is Me - The Greatest Showman (musical) ~ “there’s nothing I’m not worthy of”

For Good - Wicked (musical) ~ The whole song

Seasons of Love - RENT (musical) ~ The whole song

Another Day - RENT (musical) ~ “forget regret or life’s yours to miss”

You Will Be Found - Dear Evan Hansen (musical) ~ The whole song

Disappear - Dear Evan Hansen (musical) ~ “if you never get around to doing some remarkable thing, that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth remembering”

Words Fail - Dear Evan Hansen (musical) ~ “would they like what they saw or would they hate it too”

Over At The Frankenstein Place - The Rocky Horror Picture Show (musical) ~ “there’s a light, a light, in the darkness of everybody’s life”

The Wall in My Head - Everybody’s Talking About Jamie (musical) ~ “but this wall, is harder to beat when it’s one you helped build”

[promenadewithme]

For you fluff/general prompt list could I please get 27. “You’re hurt. Please let me help.” “No.” “At least let me clean it!” with Kaz Brekker and gender neutral reader? I hope you are having a wonderful day!

I love this!! Thank you so much for the request!

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x GN!Reader

Prompts: 27 (”You’re hurt. Please let me help.” “No.” “At least let me clean it!”)

Warnings: blood, fluff, Kaz being Kaz, Six of Crows spoilers.

Word Count: 1025

Stitch you up

“No.” he said, simply turning his back and walking away, you following suit.

“What do you mean no, Kaz? I’m the best at demolitions you’ve got!” you answered, absolutely fuming. “Besides, you know this job will pay good money and I need it if I’ll ever pay my debts in full.”

“The answer is no, (y/n). Don’t fight me on this.” he spat, limping up the stairs. Anyone else would have stepped back, except you weren’t afraid of Kaz. You were aware of what he could do to others, but, despite denying it, you knew he cared for you. In his own way, of course.

“I will fight you on this because I need the job.” you replied, on his tail as he entered his office.  

“Close the door behind you.” was all he said before sitting down at his desk. After following his order you leaned on the table and glared at Kaz, who was now taking off his gloves.

“Give me one reason, just one good reason and I’ll stay behind. And don’t you dare say it’s because Wylan is better than me, since we both know he isn’t.” you declared, narrowing your eyes at him as he glared back at you.

“You are my most valuable investment and I protect my investments. It’s a dangerous heist, you will stay behind and that’s final. Close the door on your way out.” indignant, you stomped away from the boy, banging the door as you went.

“What on earth is taking them this long? It’s been hours!” you exclaimed, hopping off the table you were sitting on. 

Kaz, Inej, Wylan, Nina and some other crows went on a heist earlier tonight, leaving you, Jesper and Matthias behind. The sharpshooter was spinning his guns, while the fjerdan stared out the window.

“I’m sure your boyfriend is fine, (y/n). Kaz is always ready for anything and everything.” Jesper said, smirking at you.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Of course not, and I’m not the best sharpshooter in Keterdam.” he remarked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Can you be nice for just 2 minutes?” asked Matthias. Jesper gave him an amused look and pretended to think for a few seconds.

“I’ve given it some serious thought, but I’m afraid it’s not possible.” he replied with yet another smirk and Matthias went back to watching the street.

“They’re here!” Matthias called out and you all but ran to the door. Inej and Wylan were helping a limping Nina, Matthias rushing to her side.

“What the hell happened?” you cried out.

“Ambush.” was all Kaz said before pouring himself a glass of something behind the bar and taking a rather large sip.

“The Black Tips and the Razor Gulls showed up.” explained Inej. 

You looked back at Kaz just in time to see him going up the stairs and followed him into his room. He didn’t look at you as he took off his gloves, followed by his jacket and vest, wincing slightly. He had a gash on his upper arm that bled into his white shirt and a small cut on this forehead. You took a few steps towards him, trying to take a closer look at the wounds, but he turned away and removed his shirt.

“You’re hurt. Please let me help.” you said softly.

“No.”

“At least let me clean it!” he looked at you for a few seconds before giving you a curt nod.

You acted quickly before he changed his mind. Grabbing a towel and some water, you made your way back to Kaz, who was now sitting on his desk looking at you. You knew about what happened to Jordie, he confided in you a few years ago, so after wetting the cloth you looked at him and asked “May I?” He only answered with another nod.

You pressed on the wound gently, but he still winced and you apologized. You continued to clean the dried up blood and some of what was still spilling out. The entire time, Kaz never took his eyes off you, not out of suspicion, but with a certain awe. 

The infamous Dirtyhands had to learn to fend for himself in the barrel, never having anyone to take care of him. He thought it felt nice.

“I’m going to have to stitch this up...” you mumbled, looking into his deep brown orbs. You gazed at each other for a moment, his eyes staring deep into your soul. He was the first to look away, saying “Second drawer to the right.”

After fetching what you needed, you placed yourself in front of his wound and right when you were about to touch him, he said “Use my gloves.”

You hesitated for a moment before putting them on. They didn’t fit perfectly, but you wanted him to be comfortable, so you proceeded with your stitching, apologising every time he grimaced, then bandaged his arm tightly. He continued staring as you positioned yourself between his legs and started cleaning the wound on his temple. One hand holding his hair up, the other pressing on the small cut, you dared to look back into his eyes.

His stare was so intense it left you paralyzed, then he did what you least expected. He grabbed your hands, put the cloth down on the desk and slowly removed the gloves. He just looked at your palms for a few seconds before intertwining his fingers with yours.

Kaz closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He held on for a few more seconds before letting go.

“Thank you.” he said softly and you thought that was the most vulnerable you’d ever seen him.

“Anytime.” you replied, smiling softly.

“Go check if they need any help with Nina.” he uttered, standing up and walking to the window. His whole tough demeanor coming back in seconds. You gave a nod and walked out the door. 

Despite the unsuccessful heist, Kaz felt something he hadn’t in a long time, a certain warmth in his chest. Although no one saw or would ever know, the Bastard of the Barrel went to sleep with a smile on his face that night.

[persephones-wren]

Hi, so I had this idea for a Kaz Brekker x reader one shot were kaz is have trouble sleep and is becoming tired and grumpy during the day. So, the reader starts secretly putting lavender in his room and clothes (lavender is a good herb to aid sleeping). He starts sleeping better and doesn’t know why until he finds the reader in his room and then they can have a bit of fluff at the end of something. Idk hope you find this useful <3. Have a nice day/night!

Lavender (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

First request! Thank you for the idea anon <3 sorry this took a bit long, but I really enjoyed writing it and I think it turned out alright! I hope you like it as well :)

Warnings: spoilers for Kaz’s backstory

Genre: Angst to Fluff (?) 

Word Count: 2082

He thought he had outrun the nightmare of his past.

The gloves had protected him, becoming his weapon, and the reputation that followed him had been another impenetrable fortress. How ironic that the one who led him back to his past was himself.

...

It was on a mission gone wrong, where the only way of escape was down, back in the cold harbors of Ketterdam. The frigid waters had brought his brother’s bloated and ice-cold corpse underneath his hands, fighting to keep his vision from blurring, fighting to keep himself alive.

“...Kaz!” 

You were treading the water lightly, trying to stay afloat while supporting him. He tried to say something, anything, but he felt as if he were drowning as you half-hazardly pulled him onto the dock, your breath ragged and your shoulders sagging. He seemed to see right through you, and he was pale and shaking slightly, not just from the cold- something there had haunted him, though. It was obviously more than just the cool waters.

“Kaz, are you alright?” Your inquiry went unanswered, and you waited patiently, before he somewhat snapped to attention, roughly pushing himself off of you, probably bruising your shoulder as he stood and backed away furiously.

“Don’t touch me, get off of me-” he forced a shuddery breath in- “I’m fine.”

Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, and he cleared his throat and refused to look at you. He didn’t apologize, nothing of the sort, because Kaz Brekker never apologized, even rare and brief moments of weakness.

Kaz Rietveld might’ve apologized to you.

“Right, okay,” your voice was soft, but firm. “We should find the others, they’ll probably be at the meeting spot.”

You both got up slowly, muscles sore and stiff from hitting icy waters, but you swiftly and quietly towards the carriages Jesper had prepared. Neither of you said a word on the way back. Upon your arrival, both Inej and Jesper grew increasingly concerned at your condition.

“What the hell happened to you two?” Jesper had asked.

“Are you two alright?” Inej echoed.

“We survived,” you muttered, sparing a small glance at Kaz, who still wasn’t saying much. “It’s a long story.”

...

Long story indeed.

Kaz had presumed that you had told them what had happened, but he was almost praying to the Saints that you had left out the details of his condition. It wasn’t that he would necessarily be too ashamed to ever tell Jesper or Inej- but they needed him for his reliability, and any moment of weakness could be used against him, both by friends and enemies. He’d prefer that Jordie be kept with him only. After all, it only took a couple shots for Jesper to reveal almost anything.

He didn’t sleep well that night, hell, he didn’t think he’d sleep right for at least a month. His normal sleep schedule was one that could barely keep a normal person running, but with his brother lurking in every corner of his unconsciousness, it was better to stay awake, where he could be in control.

It was affecting his mood, he knew that. He had to heavily restrain himself not to snap at people, but even without snapping, his words were still scathing. He’d find more to criticize, more to hate, and he’d probably scolded every member of the Dregs in the last week. Everyone, except you. Whether it was because you were there with him or it was something more, that wasn’t something he wanted to think about.

Then suddenly, the insomnia stopped.

It had only been a week, before his sleeping schedule reverted back. Jordie was there, but it was more of what he could remember in life than death, smiles and sunshine rather than plague and death. It was a bittersweet sadness, but it had been one he’d grown used to, one he could get past quicker. He fixed himself back into his office, working on another plan rather than hovering over everyone just to find something to criticize. 

What had changed?

It might’ve been the light smell of herbs, was that lavender? that permeated his office now, but he’d never caught the culprit of who had done it. And despite his ability to find cracks in any facade, he had caught no lies in any members of the Dregs. 

His first thought had been you, admittedly. He knew you knew something the others didn’t, you saw him panic on the docks, and he knew you could act your way through nearly anything. It didn’t seem hard to put two and two together.

But you seemed honest enough, when he had asked you. Perhaps it was his like of you that clouded his judgement, but you genuinely didn’t seem to know anything.

…

“Stop that.”

“Huh?” you whirled around, and Kaz was there, cane in hand, glare piercing through you.

“Stop putting whatever herbs in my room.”

You stared at him, confused, before you burst out laughing. “Is someone putting herbs in your room? That’s why your office always smells like lavender now...I’m sorry, Kaz, but that isn’t me, although it would be funny if it was. Ha...I don’t think I could get away with sneaking in your office if I tried.”

“Any ideas who it could be, then?” He asked impatiently.

“I’m sorry, I have no idea. It could be anyone, really. Even though I-” was the one who saw you at the docks, the words hung unspoken, “um, yeah, everyone’s noticed you’ve been different. Truthfully though, I think they just think it’s because a mission went wrong.”

“Fine.” He nodded at you, and then he’d went to go find Jesper at the Crow Club.

It was a truth, in a way. You couldn’t go around sneaking herbs in his room. You weren’t silent enough for that, you were an actress, not a shadow. Inej, however, was the Wraith, and if anyone could get away with it, it’d be her. 

So you’d ask for her help, whether it was distracting him or asking her to put the herbs in herself.

And you’d both play dumb until he was back to the person you knew.

…

It had only been one unfortunate night, where you were finally caught putting the lavender on his desk.

You had gotten better at just sneaking in and doing it yourself without Inej’s help, as you’d successfully done it for at least three nights in the past month. Tonight, though, Inej had been running some other task, probably nightly reports for Kaz, and luck had finally run out without her assistance.

“Y/N.”

You froze, and a chill ran down your spine. Though Kaz Brekker was never exactly friendly by any means, the slight warmth of his tone towards you had withered into frost. You were completely fucked. If he was lucky, maybe he’d let you out of the Crows alive. He doesn’t think you’re the one putting lavender in this room- he probably thinks you’re a traitor. Have fun talking yourself out of this one without admitting to it, you berated yourself. Saints know you’ll need the luck.

“If you’re here to steal plans and distribute them, then it’s certainly a pity that I liked you,” he muttered. “And I suppose even more impressive that you had me fooled.” He advanced forward, and his slammed his cane into the ground next to you, making you flinch. “How did you do it, then?”

“I- um, well, it’s,” you tripped, frantically trying to find the words, “it’s nothing like that. I’m not taking your plans. They have no use to me. I dislike Pekka just as much as you do. Do you think missions I’ve done with you would’ve gone successfully if I was working with him?”

“If you aren’t, then why are you in my office?”

“I’m just trying to-” you cut yourself off and sighed. Help was not going to be a good word to use. Kaz didn’t need help, and he’d probably just be more furious it you stated it for how it was. “Lavender is good for sleeping.”

He had long forgotten that someone actually had to be putting the lavender there. It just showed up now, for a month. He’d just accepted it.

“So it’s you, then?”

“Yeah,” you say sheepishly. “I’m sorry I lied to you, earlier. I don’t like seeing you in pain, though. People rely on you, they need you, Kaz, and well, I thought- never mind what I thought. I just hoped you would rest better, after...”

“You didn’t tell them what happened?”

There’s an odd vulnerability in his words, but you don’t remark on them. “No.” A faint smile is etched on your lips at the thought of your lie. “I told them that you were upset that the mission had gone wrong, and that it was mostly my fault. You scolded me on the docks and gave me the silent treatment in the carriage, that’s all it was to them. If you want to talk- I mean- what happened there?”

You know you’re seconds away from breaking the ice you’d been treading on lightly, but curiosity takes the better of you for a second before you’re rapidly apologizing, getting ready to leave the office before he kills you.

He found you in his office, he thought you stole plans, and then you admit you’ve been there more than once because you’re the girl who put lavender in his room. You really need to think things through more. 

“Good that you didn’t tell them. Stop apologizing. Take a seat, for a second.”

You do so, keeping your questions to yourself. He stares at you for a long moment, conflicted, before he gathers himself again. “What happened at the harbors. I had a brother, Jordie Rietveld. He died during the plague. We both got thrown in the harbor. He was dead. I was alive, surrounded by death.” He’s quiet for a bit, but when he glances at your expression, there’s no pity, no horror on your face, you don’t believe he’s weak. You’re quietly waiting for him to continue. So he does. 

“I needed to get back onto land. I got there using my brother to hold onto.”

“You wear gloves because of that now,” you point out quietly. 

He takes a shuddering breath in. “Yes.”

“When we had to dive, it came back to you. Kaz,” you whisper, “thank you for telling me.”

 “Thank you,” he echoes your words. He’s shaking and vulnerable, even though he hasn’t said much. Even then, there’s no look of fear or judgement of anything he’s done in your expression. The respect he has worked to earn is still there, and he could sigh in relief.

He’s twisting at his hands, before you realize he’s slowly slipping off his gloves. Your voice cuts through the air, talking frantically again. “No, no- Kaz, we don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to do this if you’re not ready- you don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

His voice is quiet, but full of resolve.

“Okay.”

His hands are normal. They’re not ugly, or disfigured, or strange. They fit him.

“Your hands are pretty.” The words slip out of you before you realize.

He laughs, a little breathless, and the tension eases a little. “My hands are pretty?” 

“Yeah.”

You outstretch your hand, and he waits a couple of moments before slowly interlocking it with yours. It’s sickening and he has to will himself to hold on, but he does. He feels content, content that you’re here, content that you’re willing to help him.

“You can let go if you need to.” Your voice sounds far away.

“I’m alright.” He’s not, but you’re warm. You’re alive, you’re not Jordie. He’s in his office, with the girl who put lavender in his room, not in the cold harbor with death.

You both stay for a long while, before he lets go.

“Thank you,” he repeats, before he slips on his gloves again.

“It’s nothing,” you answer, but you both know it’s everything, everything to you, everything to him. 

You start to walk towards the door, before his voice calls out again. “Tomorrow. I can’t promise I’ll-” be a good person, be the person you want, be there for you-

“Tomorrow,” you agree. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

The smell of lavender lingers in his room. He picks up the flower you had left on his desk, and an uncharacteristic smile blooms on his face.

Tomorrow.

[usmsgutterson]

Are you Really Okay?- Kaz Brekker

I am in no way trying to romanticize depression or suicidal ideations. I’ve dealt with them my entire life and it’s been no easy feat, and I know several others who’ve dealt with them the same. I am merely basing this off my own experiences and how I’ve dealt with it when things have gotten tough in the past, this is in no way meant to put down others who’ve had different experiences to me. 

Trigger warning- talk of depression, suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideations. If you are sensitive to those topics, for your safety, I advise that this be a work of mine that you stay away from.

Fic type- angst t

Warnings- mentions of Kaz’s trauma

Kaz couldn’t understand what’d happened. A few weeks before, you’d seemed fine. You were smiling, laughing with Inej and joking with Jesper. You’d gone to every meal, ate every last bit of your food. In between bites, you indulged Jespers talk of his guns, talked to Wylan about his flute, spoke with Kaz about a plan for a heist. You were okay. 

But that’d been the weeks before. That hadn’t been the two months it took to plan the heist, or the heist itself. 

The first thing that ticked him off that day was your failure to meet everyone for breakfast. You never missed out on a good meal, especially not when good conversation came with it, and Kaz had sent Rotty up to your room to see what’d happened.

Rotty came up empty, with just a note in his hand. In the note, you’d apologized, but promised to be on time to the first rendezvous point. Kaz wouldn’t reprimand you for it. He knew you’d come and go as you pleased, whether or not you had his permission to do so, so there really was no point in reprimanding and starting a fight. 

The heist went well, as they normally did, but you didn’t go out for the victory dinner, either. He’d gone, but as the six of them walked, slowly, back to The Slat, Kaz made sure to ask Inej what the hell had been up with you, see if she knew anything.

Inej, to his delight, hadn’t come up empty. “They have depression,” she’d said. “I can’t explain it, though. I just have a baseline understanding.” 

“Tell me,” Kaz demanded. “I want to know what’s wrong. They’ve been off for weeks now.”

“Careful, Brekker,” Nina taunted. “Keep going the way that you are, it might start to sound like you actually care!” 

“He doesn’t,” Jesper quipped, and for once, Kaz found himself grateful for Jesper and his constant need to be involved in conversations. “They’re not more than an investment to him. Isn’t that right, Kaz?” He said nothing, just glanced at Inej expectantly.

“They’re sad,” Nina input before Inej got the chance. “Isn’t that what it is?”

“It’s technically defined as a severe feeling of despondency and dejection, actually,” that was Wylan. “It’s coupled with a constant feeling of sadness, emptiness and not wanting to do what might’ve once peaked their interest.”

“It goes along with suicidal thoughts, too,” Inej spoke. “And ideations. They go hand in hand. You can’t treat one without also treating the other.” Kaz felt tempted to run the rest of the way back to The Slat, all the way up to your room and demand why you’d not told him, but he resisted.

“They should’ve gotten their meds refilled a while ago, though,” Inej matched the pace when Kaz began to move just a bit quicker. “I don’t know why they haven’t, to be completely candid.”

The rest of the way back, Nina and Matthias conversed with Inej and Jesper and Wylan laughed so loud they almost woke the city up, but Kaz kept quiet, his brain overtaken with questions.

Why haven’t they told me? He thought. Why didn’t I know? I care about them, don’t I? And isn’t that a bit of a crucial detail?

It slowly began to make sense to him. The red rimmed eyes some mornings, coupled with puffy cheeks, it should’ve been clear to him that you’d cried at some point through the night while he slept. The bags under your eyes slowly becoming more pronounced as you began to stay awake later; your reluctance to tell him anything, despite how close you were. All the meals you’d missed. 

Your smile.

You’d stopped smiling so much.

Kaz missed it. The sound of your laugh circulating through the room, your smile that managed to brighten his entire day. 

He felt like an idiot for not seeing the signs when they were right there, seemingly right in front of his face. He could’ve helped you, could’ve made sure you stayed on track with the medication, he could’ve done so much, and yet, as he walked, he felt as though he’d done so little. It infuriated him.  

When the six of them had arrived back at The Slat, he turned to Inej. “I’m going to go up to their room,” he whispered. “See how they’re doing.” Inej tossed him a smile.

“You do care, don’t you?” She asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Only a little,” Kaz murmured, almost hating that he admitted it to someone other than himself. “I just want to make sure that they’re okay.”

“And if they aren’t?” Matthias’ voice almost sounded like a scold. “What will you do then, demjin? Comfort them from a doorway?” 

“Matthias!” Nina scolded. “Let Kaz do his thing, okay? You don’t know Y/N like he does. He’ll comfort them in whatever way he sees fit.” Kaz shot a grateful nod at Nina as he made his way over to the stairs and up to your room. 

After a quick break in front of your door to catch his breath, he knocked three times.

“Come in,” you called, but your voice had waivered. “Just a moment, though, okay? I have to clean some things up!” Kaz went in anyway, opening the door just enough to slide in and closing it using his back. 

“Brekker,” you whispered, pulling at the sleeves of your shirt. Kaz noticed scarring, but he decided not to say anything. “Hello.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, not at all caring that he was being so blunt. “Are you really okay, Y/N?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” you murmured as you went around the room, plucking laundry off the floor and putting trash into the small trash bin you kept beside your bed. “Why are you asking if I’m okay when I’ve done nothing to say otherwise?”

“You’ve missed meals. You’re slower than normal. You smile less,” part of him wants to reach out, take your hand in his and rub your knuckles with his thumb and be a man who can touch another human being without issue, but he knows it’s unrealistic. 

“Well, forgive me for thinking that The Bastard of The Barrel wouldn’t pick up on how many times I smiled throughout the run of a day,” you quipped. “The heist was done just fine. We all got our shares of the money, and we all returned unscathed. I fail to see why you’ve put so much effort into caring.”

“Because it’s you,” he whispered.

“I’m just another investment, Brekker. You’re welcome to stop caring now. I’m going to sleep, and I’d as soon do it without the knowledge that your back is pressed against my door.”

“You’re more than an investment,” he whispered. “I care about you. I want to know when somethings wrong. Depression isn’t the kind of thing you keep from me, Y/N.” 

“I’ve kept it from you just fine, Kaz,” you shot back, wiping at your eyes. “I’ve been able to live with it since I was a kid without issue, without you noticing, so why notice now? Is it because I’ve been slower? Because I’ve slept in and missed breakfast? Because I’ve not felt the motivation to get and up and do what we do everyday?” 

“It’s because I care, Y/N,” he took a step toward you as you set to making the small bed that you slept on. 

“How many times have you considered climbing to the roof and jumping off it?” You winced at the question, and Kaz felt his heart clench for a single moment in time. 

“Are you asking me if I’m suicidal, Brekker?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes, I think about it. I think about going down to Fifth Harbor, jumping into the lake and swimming until the bottom is so far down that I wouldn’t be able to reach it without drowning,” Kaz moved to sit on the bed next to you, keeping a little distance.

“When I take my meds, I’m not even happy,”

“So what are you?”

“Numb. I don’t feel anything. All of the pain goes away, but so does the happiness. The joy. The smiles.” Kaz winced. He’d gone through enough days without getting a smile from you or hearing your laugh that he was almost completely sure another of them might’ve been his breaking point. 

“And without your medication?”

“Highs and lows. Mostly lows, unfortunately. Depressive episodes, no motivation. Without my meds, my emotions are a tsunami and my conscious mind is the city that it runs through.”

“How can I help?”

“This is helping,” you admit. “It’s just--I’ve talked with Wylan and Jesper about it before, but neither of them ever have anything to say about any of it. They’re understanding, but sometimes, it just...”

“Wylan says things that’d come off a motivation quote poster and Jesper cracks a joke?” Kaz questions. 

You laughed then, and Kaz, completely and utterly unsure of himself, wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

For a couple of long lasting seconds, he was there again. In the barge, with Jordies slippery, slimy body beneath him as he kicked his way back to shore, but then he glanced at you. Saw the fear in your eyes as you registered what he’d done, trying to study him and figure out if you’d crossed a boundary, but all Kaz did was nod.

“I’m okay, L/N,” he whispered. “I’m fine.” 

You two stayed like that for a long, long time, until both of your eyes fluttered closed and sleep dragged you under. 

[southslates]

full in all your veins

@kanejweek day one: mythology (soulmates) / kanej / one-shot - rated T / read on ao3! / 1545 words

Kaz teaches Inej how to read Kerch uncharacteristically, patiently. She sits at his window, on his floor, and he tosses books at her. Between doing the Crow Club’s numbers and dreaming of revenge, he listens to her speak his language and make it her own, like so much more. On her tongue, the dreary words he’s spent his whole life fitting into his mouth flow like water down the mouth of the Beurscanal.

He tells himself that he does this because it is what makes sense. Inej is always in his rooms, and it is necessary that his best spider read Kerch. She’s a quick study, a quick study with the knives, with the letters, with hearts. She’s been with the Dregs for barely a month and she has their respect; she is like him, who knows that’s enough. He’s seen the brass knuckles she keeps in her pocket, stained at the tips. He’d told her he couldn’t promise her safety. He told the truth. He doesn’t know why there’s an ache in his chest which contests that.

One day, she sits on his desk as he’s filing papers. She’s feet away from him—he couldn’t reach out and touch her. It’s closer than he lets most people get, but he knows she will not touch him. She will not even try. He doesn’t want her to try.

He doesn’t.

“Kaz,” Inej asks, “can you . . . can you read my mark?”

“You have a mark?” he asks, without calculation, in surprise. There is something cold creeping down his spine, Jordie’s voice whispering in his ear, asking him what exactly he’d thought of in the dredges of his mind, what he’d dared hope for. She is good, the voice says, have you looked at yourself in the mirror, monster?

Kaz shoves it down into a box he doesn’t want to open. Inej is barely a friend. She’s pretty, but he can take his eyes off her. This kind of desire is the one thing he cannot conquer, and he is not one to abet his weaknesses. He will ignore this, and he will best it.

“I got it in the Menagerie,” she says quietly, and he suddenly regrets his snapping. That can only mean so much. “I don’t want to know who, if it’s terrible. And I don’t—I don’t know who came there. Could you tell me?”

Kaz Brekker has no room for weakness, no room for soulmarks and the tales his father had spoken into existence on cold Lij nights. His father and his mother had not shared the mark, never had letters carved into their skins. Few did—there were far too many people in the world, from Fjerda to Ravka to Novyi Zem, for most to meet theirs.

He knows the world is cruel, but his opinion of it sinks lower and he finds himself needing to hold his breath as he considers that Inej—who he can admit is fundamentally good—was cursed with the mark of someone who came to the Menagerie. At best, the name will be that of a married Kerch man—at worst, a rapist.

“Kaz?” Inej asks again. She seems vulnerable, and Kaz allows himself this concession. He breathes out as though he’s exhausted, as though his heart is not beating through his chest, and nods at her with a scowl.

“Show me,” he says gruffly. He can’t hold in his shiver as she lifts up her leg and shows him the side of it. She is feet away, he thinks, looking at her skin, smooth and brown and gorgeous and disgusting, and you are weak. It’s just flesh.

He focuses on the letter and the word carved into her skin. He wonders if it would be Charles Loeder or Petjer Sasker—he will tell her the truth.

But the mark tattooed into Inej in glaring white, in Kerch, is not the name of a rich mercher, a slaver, a man meant for hell. It’s a silent name, and it makes Kaz reach for the gun beside him.

“Is it that bad?” Inej asks.

Kaz looks away from it as quickly as he can, sees the tears welling in her eyes. “It’s . . .”

One pushes over. She will eventually be able to read it as he can, so he tells as much of the truth as he can muster. “I’ve never heard of them, so they can’t be the worst of the lot.”

“Kaz,” she shudders out. “What does it say?”

“K Rietveld,” he breathes out. “This is a waste of time. Go get Jesper.”

He turns back to his papers as she turns with a small sniffle and leaves out the window. There is a single tear where she sat on his desk, and he stares at it for a long moment before grabbing his cane and stalking out of the attic. Surely there’s someone in the club who needs to be roughed up tonight.

/

Kaz searches his body for words, words in places he might have missed. He twists in the mirror, his shirt off, so close to drowning for so long, until he notices the white letters written in an unfamiliar script at the small of his back.

He goes to the university library and steals a global translator’s book, and then he spends hours trying to read the letters. He knows what they will say, but he needs confirmation. He needs—

When the club’s latest dealer skims thousands of kruge out from under Jesper’s unwatchful eyes, Kaz takes him to the Dregs’ backroom and breaks his wrists. He means to rough up the Suli man and then let him go—Kaz Brekker always has a reason—but a little boy dancing in rain puddles in Lij dances in front of his consciousness, hurts his heart. He takes off his shirt and stands with his back to the man, his skin crawling with insects, dead hands in every crevice of the pale flesh which hasn’t seen the sun in years. “Read that,” he commands.

“I,” the man stutters out the first letter. He’s lost teeth, and his mouth is a bloody mess. “Ghafa.”

The man works—worked for the Dregs, so he’s well aware of who the Wraith is. His eyes grow large before Kaz takes his cane and shoves the end of it into his mouth, and then quickly shoots what’s left of his face. He crumbles to the floor, a mess of blood and gore, and Kaz stalks back to his room. On his way, he tells Pim to take the body out.

“Why did you kill Saran?” Inej asks at night in his window. He can hear the heart-hurt in her voice, so he ignores her. She jumps off in a huff, and he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t care.

/

“Johannes Rietveld,” Inej repeats the name he’d given Colm Fahey to him slowly, like an incantation. “Rietveld.”

“Yes.” Kaz doesn’t look at her. He looks at the bandages, at the wound at her shoulder. That fucking net.

“Tell me,” Inej asks him. Her breath catches, and he feels himself move in-synch with her, the same souls, the same heartbeat. He wants to let this go, he wants to let her go, he never wants to let her go.

He doesn’t say anything. He leans back and takes off his shirt, his undershirt, the layers of cloth he uses to armor himself, and then he takes in a deep breath and lets the rest of the gold shake off too.

She is sitting on the bathroom sink, so he turns to her. He can hear her gasp when she sees the white etched into his back, in swirling Suli script. It’s a quiet sound, but to him, it’s a melody. He feels it reverberate in his chest. It pains, it feels like death, it feels like salvation.

“Okay,” Inej says simply, and he turns around to face her. He is vulnerable like this, so vulnerable, planes of scarred skin in front of her eyes. He has trusted Inej with his pride, but never his shame. But he has faith in her convictions. “Why?”

She is looking at him, he is not looking at her. He thinks the world has stopped spinning, that it could end like this, him just steps away from the circle of her arms. He is so close and yet he is eons away. To move closer, he needs to admit a weakness.

“You deserve him,” he says simply. “And he’s dead.”

It happens slowly, the pressure against his face. He’s looking down, and Inej wraps her fingers in bandages, ripped from his shirt, and places them against his face. The fabric is crisp, and cool, and he finds himself wanting more, wanting nothing.

She’d told him she wanted him without armor.

He raises his eyes to her, because he is Kaz Brekker, and he is going to fight for her—for him—for them.

“I think you’re worth saving, Kaz,” Inej says quietly, tracing his cheekbones. She is bleeding out on the sink, and he thinks this is what religion must feel like. “Kaz Rietveld.”

He looks into her eyes, puts down her hand, grabs her bandages and decides he is going to finish the story written into his soul.

[davidmann95]

Sooo… Superman and the Authority?

magnus-king123 asked: Your thoughts on Superman & the authority Give it to me...lol

Anonymous asked: Seeing Bezos take his little trip into space the same day Morrison puts out a Superman comic that touches on how far we’ve fallen from the days when we dreamed of utopian futures where everyone explored the stars was a big gut punch. Not used to Superman being topical in that way.

Anonymous asked: What'd you think of Superman and the Authority#1?

This is far beyond what I can fit in the normal weekly reviews, so taking this as my notes on the first six pages, with this and this as my major lead-in thoughts:

* Janin's such a perfect fit for Morrison - the scale, the power, the facial expressions selling the character work, the screwing around with the panel formatting as necessary to sell the effect, the numinous sense of things going on larger than you can fully perceive amidst the beauty and chaos. It's a shame he wasn't around 25 years ago to draw JLA, but I'll take him going with Morrison onto other future projects.

* His intro action sequence is such a great demonstration of why Black actually does have something to offer, and also how he's such a dumbass desperately needing Superman to save him from himself.

* While Jordie Bellaire didn't legit go with an entirely monochromatic palate the way early previews suggested, it's still an effect frequently and excellently deployed here. And glad to see Steve Wands carry into this from Blackstars since there's such an obvious carryover from its work with Superman.

* "Gentlemen. Ladies. Others." Great both because of the obvious - hey, Superman's nodding at me! - and because it's a phrasing that reinforces that this take on him (and let's be real Morrison) is old as hell.

* I'm mostly past caring about whether this is an alt-Earth Superman until it becomes indisputable one way or another, this and Action both rule so what does it really matter? But while there are still a couple signs in play suggesting some kind of division (the Action Comics #1036 cover, Midnighter up to time-travel shenanigans) the "lost in time" quote clearly thrown in after the fact to explain how he could have met Kennedy outside of 5G that wouldn't be necessary for an Elseworlds, the assorted gestures towards Superman's current status quo, the Kingdom Come symbol appearing in Action, and that Morrison would have had to completely rewrite the ending if this wasn't supposed to be 'the' version of Clark Kent going forward as was the intent when they first planned it all say to me that no, no fooling around, this is our guy going forward one way or another.

* Janin and Bellaire making the first version of the crystal Fortress ever that actually looks as cool as you want it to.

Anonymous asked: I like that Superman and The Authority is basically the anti-All-Star; instead of the laid back, immortal Superman who is supercharged, we have a stressed, ageing Superman whose tremendous powers are fading. The former will always be there to save us, but the latter is running out of time and needs to pull off a Hail Mary. Also, he mentions in his monologue to Black that he was "lost in time" when he met JFK, so maybe he is the main continuity Clark. Or he's the t-shirt Supes from Sideways.

* You're absolutely right - the power reversal is obvious and the ticking clock in play seemingly isn't for his own survival but everyone around him as he wakes up and realizes all the old icons grew complacent with the gains they'd made and he's not leaving behind the world he meant to. Both, however, are built on the idea of preparing the world to not need them anymore - it'll still have a Superman in his son, but that'll only work because of the others he empowers and inspires. The question is what happens to Clark if he's not going to live in the sun for 83000 years.

* Clark's 'exercise' here does more to sell me on the idea of Old Man Superman as a cool idea than however many decades of Earth 2 stuff.

* Intergang being noted alongside Darkseid and Doomsday speaks to how much Kirby informed Morrison's conception of Superman.

* This isn't exactly the most progressive in its disability politics but at least it makes clear Black's being a piece of shit about it.

* It's startling how much Clark can get away with saying stuff in here you'd never expect to come out of Superman's mouth. "I made an executive decision" "Privacy, really...?" "You have nowhere to go, Black. Nothing to live for." "There are few people in my life who I instinctively and viscerally dislike, and you've always been one of them." It only works because there's zero aggression behind it, he's just past the point of niceties and being totally frank while making clear none of these assessments preclude that he cares and is going to unconditionally do the right thing every time. He is absolutely, per Morrison, humanity's dad picking us up when we're too drunk to drive ourselves home.

* The story doesn't put a big flashing light over it, but it's not even a little bit subtle having the material threat of the issue be a ticking timebomb left by the carelessness and hubris of generations past.

* Manchester keeps trying to poke the bear and prove his hot takes about Superman and it's just not working. The front he put up under Kelley is gone after decades of defeats, and as Morrison understands what actually conceptually works about him as a rival to Superman underneath the aging nerd paranoia he's exposed as what he absolutely would be in 2021: a dude with a horrific terminal case of Twitter brainworms. I was PANICKED when I heard there was an 'offensive term' joke in this, I was braced for Morrison at their well-meaning worst, but it's such a goddamn perfect encapsulation of a very specific breed of Twitter leftist who uses their politics first and foremost as a cudgel and justification to label their abrasive, judgmental shittiness as self-righteousness (plus it's a killer payoff to a joke from way back in his original appearance). Cannot believe they pulled that off when they're so very, very open about basically not knowing how the internet works.

* @charlottefinn: Manchester Black using his telekinetic powers to force someone he hates to fave a problematic tweet so that he can screenshot it and start a dogpile

@intergalactic-zoo: “Once they cancel Bibbo, Superman won’t be *anyone’s* fav’rit anymore!”

* Friend noted this issue had to be fully the conversation because the whole premise stands on the house of cards of these two somehow working together, and with three 'silent' inset panels the creative team pulls off that turning point.

* So much of this feels on the surface like Morrison bringing back the All-Star vibes with Clark, but when he drops a "That's all you got?" in a brawl you realize what's underlining that bluntness and confidence in the face of failure is that deep down this is still the Action guy too. This dude ain't gonna get wrecked in his Fortress while the other guy chuckles about him being A SOFT WEE SCIENTIST'S SON!

* Bringing up Jor-El made me realize that Morrison already spelled out that this is the final threat to Superman, what he faces at the end of the road:

"Now it's your turn, Superman."

* A l'il Superman 2000/All-Star reference with the Phantom Zone map!

* There's so much intertextuality going on here even by Morrison standards - Change or Die with the old hero putting together a team of morally nebulous folks out to 'fix' everything, Flex Mentallo with the muscleman trying to redeem the punk, Doomsday Clock with the fate of the world hinging on whether Superman can get through to a meta stand-in for an idea of 'modern' comics cynicism, DKR and New Frontier and Kingdom Come and Multiversity and Seven Soldiers and What's So Funny and All-Star and Action and the last 5 years of monthly Superman comics and Authority and probably Jupiter's Legacy and Tom Strong - but none of that's needed. You could go in with the baseline pop cultural understanding of the character and not care about any of the inside baseball shit and get that this is a story about a leader of a generation that let down the people they made all their grand promises to as inertia and day-to-day demands and complacency let him be satisfied with the accomplishments they'd made long ago, looking at a new era and seeing the ways its own activists are dropping the ball. The only thing that fundamentally matters in a "you have to accept you're reading a superhero story" sense is that because he's Superman he's willing to own up to it and listen to people who might know better about some things and try to set things right while he and those who'll take his place still have a chance. And yes, the oldster looking back on their legacy with a skeptical eye and hoping for better from the next generation, hoping most of all that their little heir apparent can fulfill the promise inside of him instead of being a provocating little shitkicker, is obviously also autobiographical.

* The overlaying Kennedy reprisal is such a great visual of a sudden intrusive thought.

* The Kryptonite secret is the obvious "This is going to matter!" moment, but "He lied about his son" is a bit that doesn't connect to anything going on right now so maybe that's important here too? More significantly, the Justice League can't actually be the villains here but that Ultra-Humanite's crew are in an Earth-orbiting satellite makes pretty clear what's up.

* I've said before that between Superman, OMAC, and a New Gods-affiliated speedster this was going to use all of Morrison's favorite things. King Arthur playing a role isn't exactly dissuading me.

* Love the idea that all the antiheroes have their own community in the same way as the capes and tights crew. They definitely all privately think the rest are posers though and that they alone are Garth Ennis Punisher in a mob of Garth Ennis Wolverines.

* Manchester's fallen so far he's gone from trying to convince Superman to kill to convince him to dunk on people for their bad takes and Clark just doesn't get it. Official prediction of dialogue for upcoming issues:

"According to these bloody Fortress scans, the only thing that can restore your powers is an unfiltered hit of dopamine. Don't worry, Doctor Black has a few ideas."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll plant a nice tree?"

"...fuck you."

* Ok I already talked about how great the Fortress looks in here but LOVE this library.

* A pair of pages this seems like the right spot to discuss from Black's original appearance that underlines both his and Superman's inadequacies up to this point:

Responding to the problem of "the government and penal system are hopelessly corrupt" neither of them has any actual notion of what to do about it in spite of their respective posturing beyond how to handle individual outside actors - each is in their own way every bit as small-minded and reactionary as the other. Clark's coming around though, and he's holding out hope for the other guy.

* Superman: Have a lovely mineral water :) proper hydration is important :)

Manchester Black: *Is a dude who can get so mad he vomits and passes out. At water.*

* That last page is the one to beat for the year, and does more to put over the idea of this as an Authority book than that Midnighter and Apollo are literally going to show up. It also feels like Morrison tacitly acknowledging all the ways the premise could go or at least be received wrong - from Superman saying 'enough is enough' to who he's bringing into the fold to go about it - in the most beautifully on-the-nose fashion imaginable. Maybe they'll save us all! Or maybe they'll drown us in their vomit.

[angelz-dust]

masters of none - part 4 (jason todd x reader)

summary: after many months, we are back in action and back in reader’s head. pls enjoy these jason crumbs. if you need a refresher on the plot, the other chapters will be linked below!

word count: 3.7k

warnings: food/eating. alcohol. cursing.

part 1 /// part 2 //// part 3

gravity

ever since i ever felt ya, right there life couldn't seem better. tulip flowers in my sweater. ask me now, is this forever?

…

you rested your chin on the table before you, your arms hanging limply between your knees as you listened to your manager, dana. you were really just watching her mouth open and close while she pointed at a powerpoint. god, what you would've given for an extra hour of sleep. the all nighters in the studio were starting to take a toll. 

the feeling of the back of daisy’s soft hands brought you back to earth. the smell of cocoa butter dancing beneath your nostrils as her smooth engagement ring rolled across your cheek. you breathed in her smell, exhaling in content through your nose.

“you good?” she mouthed and you closed your eyes, giving her a little nod. the bassist rubbed her calloused fingers against your forehead, pushing strands of your hair past your hairline. you pouted when she eventually pulled away, leaving you only with the sensation of touch that once was.

you heard tyler shift in his seat and then felt some air graze against your hand. you looked under the table, noticing he was holding something out to you. you two made eye contact briefly before you scooted back in, grabbing what felt like an envelope. looking down at your lap, you saw a sticky note attached to it. jason’s money was what it said. you carefully put the envelope in your jacket pocket, sitting back in your seat now and looking at dana’s powerpoint. she was going over reports from your publicist, jerry, which you didn't particularly care about.

“now, i have to ask,” dana’s words pierced your bubble of inattention. “have you all thought about what i said about this next album?”

jordy raised his hand like a school kid. “yes?”

“y/n and i decided that we'd be okay with making our album a group project. it has been, admittedly, kinda hard and boring without everyone else. we’d honestly be doing ourselves a disservice by not doing it together,” jordy explained, dana clapping her hands together.

“wonderful,” she nodded, keeping her hands clasped. “i know you two were excited to do your own thing, but i was talking to jerry and he was really pressing me to get a group album from you guys. the people wanna see you guys as a unit of established artists, which you all are. so what's the concept? we never discussed it.”

“uh,” you verbally paused, raising your arms above your head to stretch. “disco, jazz, and funk. it's a mix of those.”

“retro is in right now,” dana nodded, pacing around the room. “how far back will this set us on a release date?”

you grimaced, leaning back in your seat, the back of the seat lightly bouncing as it absorbed your weight. you pondered the question for a moment. “if it’s gonna be a group thing, it'll have to be significantly longer. we have a decent starting off point but i'm gonna need way more songs now.”

“what about the rest of you? any tracks that we could swing?” dana asked, looking at the rest of the group. 

grabbing a pen and piece of scrap paper, you started jotting down notes as everyone spoke out to you. dex and quinton didn’t have anything, but they wouldn’t be a problem. you just needed to give them a beat to rap over and you’d be set. the twins had a finished song already that fit the concept, which was good. with tyler’s voice and aly’s excellent song writing abilities, you doubted very seriously that anything else needed to be done to it. daisy and hector had plenty of lyricless songs, too. funk and soul was their specialty, after all. misha even had a demo track she was willing to share. 

you looked over the notes you had taken, tapping your pen on the table as you hummed to yourself. “this could probably work. we’ll need to go over everything in the studio, though.”

“we should just do it now. no one is doing shit else today, right?” dex asked the group, who all shook their head. 

“i have a request,” you raised your finger, looking at dana. “i want gotham to be involved in this project.”

“gotham…” dana repeated slowly, unsure of what you meant. “care to elaborate?”

“music videos directed by student directors from gotham university, commissioning local artists for album art. dancers, actors, musicians, whatever. all of them have to be from gotham. i don't want any of the money we put into this project leaving this city,” you stated firmly, dana giving you a blank look. 

“i like that idea,” hector said, giving you a kind smile before turning to dana, shifting in his seat. the drummer was like a big brother, always backing you up in moments like these. “accessibility to the arts is really limited here and we should change that.”

“i’d rather give back to the city, too,” quinton agreed, playing with the gold cross hanging from his neck. “we’re one of the only groups in gotham known outside of gotham. we should use that as an opportunity to rep our city.”

“it sounds like you have your minds made up on this,” dana narrowed her eyes, letting out a sigh. “it would definitely be good PR.”

“because god forbid we do something out of the kindness of our hearts,” misha laughed, rolling her eyes. “we're trying to put the city on and you're worried about how it makes us look.”

“that's my job, misha. don't you want me to do my job?” dana retorted. “besides, i'm more concerned with the funding. you all don't have disposable income, believe it or not.”

“but i know someone who does,” she said with a singsong tone, giving you a look.

“i hope you're not referring to me,” you deadpanned. your income was far from disposable.

“i’m referring to our good friend, bruce wayne,” she explained, grabbing a business card out of her purse, handing it over to dana. “ever since i got invited to that charity gala, i've had a direct line to a representative with the wayne foundation. i say we ask them to help fund the project.”

“now that could work,” dana admitted, eyeing the card as she tapped her foot. “if we pitch for more youth involvement, it'll probably go over better. we all know how much bruce wayne loves saving the children.”

you frowned at how dana described bruce’s initiatives as a philanthropist. you were sure his motivations for favoring youth projects were good intentioned, considering his parents had been killed when he was just a little boy. you wanted to go into this good intentioned, too and you hoped that they'd agree. they being the wayne foundation and subsequently, bruce himself.

“ty and quinton could do something with forrester. if we’re going for the youth involvement route, i mean,” aly spoke up. 

“forrester correctional. our old stomping grounds,” quinton sighed wistfully as he patted tyler on the shoulder. “i think that would be a good idea.”

“they use the arts as an outlet for them, so it could be beneficial for everyone,” tyler nodded. “there are a lot of good kids there. just unfortunate circumstances, that’s all.”

“wasn’t one of bruce’s son’s a troublemaker before he was adopted?” aly continued, not noticing the look you and tyler shared. “i’m sure he’d probably be interested in doing something with them if his son comes from the same background.”

“it’s settled, then. you all keep working on the music. jerry and i will handle the rest. we need this album out before hector and daisy’s wedding,” dana said, grabbing her suitcase. 

…

hey, i have your money. did you still want it?

you stared down at the unsent message, your thumb floating over the send arrow. you hadn’t spoken to jason since that night after the race, as per his request. your mind kept wandering back to it, even as time still went on. what happened was scary, to say the least. fun, but scary. you wondered how the hell jason didn’t get the two of you killed. that part, you didn't want to think about too hard. everyone in gotham had their secrets and it was an unspoken rule amongst citizens to not pry. secrets were secrets for a reason. nothing good ever came from unearthing them.

speaking of secrets, you hadn't exactly told tyler and quinton what happened that night. not in detail. you conveniently left out the chase and stopping to get something to eat. omitting the first part was obvious, but the second one was for your own sanity. you didn't need them teasing you over nothing. besides, all that mattered was no one was dead or arrested. and for the way the three of you used to get down, that was a win. 

you considered texting jason earlier this week, just to check in on him, but you decided against it. he obviously wanted you to text him and you obviously had to do the opposite. his little mind game wasn’t going to work on you. you pressed send, frowning immediately as you did so.

maybe it already had.

“it’s too many people in this bitch,” dex sighed, the cold of the water bottle you had asked him for against your hand bringing you back to reality. blinking, you were suddenly very aware of the chaos surrounding you in the studio as you put your phone back in your pocket. you looked to your left, where jordy was leaning against the wall and scrolling through his phone. to your right was aly, who was scribbling in her songbook in the chair next to you. you remembered you were supposed to be working, too. “we need a new stu.”

“i’m working on it!” hector hollered from inside the booth as he and daisy were setting up equipment and instruments. you glanced up at the glass in front when you heard his voice, accidentally catching the pair share a little kiss. you quickly averted your gaze, smiling to yourself.

“new stu, new view, what it do?” quinton began to freestyle to a beat he was making on the coffee table in front of him. “off 92, posted up with southside crew.” 

“okay,” dex laughed, noddinh his head as he was vibing with the beat, making his way out of your line of sight. you heard someone, presumably tyler, join in and add some depth to the beat. it sounded like he was hitting a pencil against a shot glass.

“i got a new boo, but i’m tryna slide with misha, too,” quinton continued, dex adlibbing in the back as quinton lowered his voice to his signature melodic whisper. “on the low, nobody gotta know.”

“would you shut the fuck up?” you heard misha say, followed by a barrage of muffled smacking noises and verbal objections from quinton, who you assumed was on the receiving end of what sounded like an assault by pillow.

laughing to yourself, you leaned your head in aly’s direction, not fully facing her. “pass me the flash drive?” you held your hand out weakly. once you felt the plastic in your palm, you leaned back over and put it into the computer, pulling up the proper files. 

“we’re done back here,” daisy smiled at you, she and hector coming out from the booth. 

you clapped your hands together. “wonderful. everybody shut up, please.”

you pulled up the twin’s song and let it play, your eyes fixed on the colorful audio loops on the screen. the green ones were tyler’s vocals, the purple were aly’s. it looked like blue was reserved for instruments and red was any added sound effects or layered sounds. 

“you two sound really great,” jordy walked up behind aly’s seat, leaning against it as he swayed his head to the beat. 

“thanks. i wrote it with our mother in mind,” aly said, the words coming out of her mouth uncomfortably. you placed your hand on hers and gave it a little squeeze, which earned you a look of appreciation.

“it's missing something, though,” tyler scratched the back of his head. “i need the producer squad to give us some assistance.”

“oh, say less,” dex laughed, snapping his fingers to the beat with one hand and holding his glass of hennessy in the other. he danced his way over, taking aly’s seat as she, tyler and jordy moved to give you all some space. 

misha sauntered her way over, sitting against the table and flipping her hair over her shoulder. the smell of her sweet perfume floated in the air around you. “i think it just needs some fluffing up. some snapping might work. more vocal layering in certain spots.”

“i agree,” you nodded, dex letting out a satisfied sigh as he took a sip of his cold drink. 

“is it good?” misha asked him teasingly and he took his final swig, letting out a more dramatic and drawn out sigh. this time, though, it was on beat with the song. you were pretty sure it was unintentional on his part, since he and misha just shared a laugh before returning their attention to the screen.

after a moment of pondering, you swiveled around in your chair, looking at tyler. “okay, hear me out…”

…

two weeks of very diligent working between the nine of you had given you a lot to work with for the album. all that was left was to start putting things together. you still had a ways to go, but you had a good starting off point. as much as you hated to admit it, it was a good call on dana’s part to have you all do a group album. the fans seemed to be greatly anticipating the release and the work ethic the nine of you shared was incredible. even in that cramped little studio, you all made it work.

you all agreed to take the day off, but you were still working at some capacity. you had just traded one small space for another, working in your walk-in closet/home studio for the day. you still needed said walk-in to function as a closet, so there were still garment bags pushed up into a corner and shoe boxes haphazardly stacked, surrounding your desk that you had shoved in there. there was just enough space for you to move your chair and safely get out without twisting an ankle, a fate you often flirted with in that room.

in the spirit of your day off, you hadn't done anything too difficult. you were just trying to decide what order you wanted the completed songs to go in. it may seem like an insignificant detail, but the order was important. the transitions between songs couldn't be jarring for the listener. everything had to flow together with natural progression. at this point, it didn't matter since you weren't done with the album, but it was just giving you an idea of how to fill the gaps with future songs. 

the sound of your growling stomach indicated that it was time to stop for the day. you quickly saved all your work and headed to the kitchen. you popped some leftovers in the microwave and scrolled on twitter while you waited. the microwave beeped at you, so you set your phone back down and grabbed the bowl, mixing up the contents with your fork. the flash of light coming from your phone got your attention. a text notification.

are you home?

oh, so now he wanted to respond? cute.

despite your annoyance with the situation, you quickly responded with a yes and set the phone back down. you leaned against the counter, eating what little food you had in your reheated bowl. you mixed the contents around with your fork, grumbling. stupid jason and his stupid inability to text back. he could have at least had the decency to leave you on read. he probably didn't even have read receipts on. you weren't sure which was worse. tossing your now empty bowl into the sink, you grabbed your phone to read his next message.

i’ll be over soon. 

soon was very vague and you wished that you would've demanded an exact time, but that opportunity had passed by the time you thought about it. you busied yourself with tidying up, trying to make your place look presentable. you even lit your new candle, which you found yourself focusing your attention on while you waited for him to show up. staring at the flame was much more entrancing than you anticipated.

you heard the door buzzer go off. you weren't expecting anyone else, so it had to be him. you leaned against the wall, pressing your finger to the button.

“who goes there?” you presented the question as a joke, but your tone was a little flat.

“it’s the irs,” jason’s voice came through and you buzzed him in. 

not too long after, you heard him knock on the door. you cracked it open and the first thing you noticed was his cologne. it was a strong but pleasant scent. spicy and sweet. it was very intoxicating, actually. so much so that you almost forgot you were angry at him.

“hi.”

“hello.”

you opened the door fully and handed the envelope to him. jason eyed it suspiciously. he opened it up and began to count it out in front of you. he made an effort to do it very slow, the sound of the crisp dollars echoing in the quiet hall. his eyes stayed glued to yours as he counted out loud. you leaned against the doorframe as you watched.

“six… seven… eight,” he said, pulling out his wallet and stuffing it with the cash. “thought you would've skimmed some off the top.”

“i should have with how long you made me wait,” you said matter of factly, letting your annoyance be known now. 

“i know. i’m sorry,” he sounded honest but you couldn't see it in his face or in his eyes, which was worrisome. it was a nice alternative to listening to a sputter of excuses, though. “let me make it up to you?”

“how do you plan on doing that?”

“i’m so glad you asked,” he smiled. “as it turns out, i've recently come into some money. let me spend it on you?”

“so you like throwing money at your problems?” you asked him. well, you weren't really asking. it was more like you were telling him. 

“no,” he said, sounding a little offended. “i just thought-”

“you just thought that throwing money at me would make me forget about the fact that you ignored me for a month.”

“no, no,” he shook his head, sighing in frustration. “listen, i-”

“i really don't wanna hear it,” you said honestly, watching as his frustrated look turned into kicked puppy. you almost felt bad. “i don't like feeling stupid, jason. that's how i feel right now. i want you to make it up to me but you'll have to be a bit more creative than this.”

“you want me to make it up to you?” jason had repeated, confusion on his face. 

you poked him harshly in the chest. “you do that or you leave me alone. those are your options. goodbye.”

you shut the door in his face and let out the breath you were holding in. you weren’t sure how jason was going to react to your little ultimatum, but those were your terms. you liked him but you weren’t going to stress over someone you barely knew, especially with your assumptions about him floating around in your head. 

“i’ll be right back,” you heard him say through the door, catching you off guard. 

“what?”

“don’t go anywhere.”

you didn’t respond but you heard his footsteps getting quieter as he walked down the hall. the elevator ding indicated that he had left. you stood there, confused as to what it was he was trying to do. you were still stewing in your negative emotions, so you went and busied yourself again. you decided the dishes needed washing and got on it right away. in the middle of scrubbing the stubborn sauce stains out of your plate, you heard your door buzzer go off again. 

so he did come back after all. interesting.

you buzzed him in like you did before and waited by the door for him. he knocked and when you opened it, you were met with two gifts: a bouquet of pink tulips and a small box of something from the bakery around the corner. 

“i shouldn’t have ignored you. it was rude and stupid and i’m sorry. it won’t happen again,” he said to you, holding out the items to you. you hesitantly accepted them, taking the opportunity to look through the plastic opening of the box to see chocolate covered strawberries. 

“it better not happen again,” you pouted, looking up at him. you had to appreciate the effort he put in at such short notice. it was a sweet gesture and he actually looked sorry this time. 

“it won’t,” he assured you and you smiled.

“i forgive you. but you’re on thin fucking ice,” you reminded him and he grinned at you with a nod.

“i’m going to make it up to you. just you wait,” he said confidently. “not all of us are naturally creative like you, though. you gotta give me some time to think of something else.”

“seems like you’re getting your feet wet with the flower selection,” you noted, taking a whiff of the delicate and fresh scent. they’d look nice on your coffee table.

“lady at the shop said they would convey my sincerest apologies,” he explained, a hopeful look in his eyes. “did it work?”

“for now,” you shrugged, setting the items down on the table next to the door. 

“i can accept that.”

“you’re gonna have to because that’s all i’m giving you,” you said firmly. his charm wasn’t going to get him out of this one. not completely. “now go away. i want to eat my berries in peace.”

“i’ll text you as soon as i get the chance,” he told you as you were shutting the door. you peered at him, narrowing your eyes before shutting it again. “i’m serious!”

“goodbye, jason!” you said through the door. you heard his faint farewell as you walked away, plopping on the couch with your dessert in hand.

were you still a little mad at him? yes. but you weren’t going to pass up free stuff, even if you had made all that fuss about the money earlier. at least the gifts had some thought behind them. so long as he held up his end of the deal, you had a feeling being friends with jason wouldn’t be that bad.

hopefully, anyway.

[hyperfixatinglove]

3, 4, 7 & 13 for the meta questions? The f/o is your pick 💕

Aiden meta go brrr

3. describe the first time you watched/played/read your f/o’s source content.

It was like having a specimen under microscope lmao. I wanted to closely study Aiden's psyche and how he operated, why he did what he did, where his actions and thoughts come from, why there was such dissonance between his actions, words vs others. It was interesting to see him associate with Clara and T-Bone while still being apart and isolated from them to see him embrace the vigilante persona he created in rather disturbing end monologue.

I found wat//ch dogs to be interesting subversion of typical realistic superhero story and the motion that in order to have protagonist they must be good as person. Aiden is NOT good person, not by long shot. But you might understand why he does what he does, why he thinks how he thinks. I just loved how in this game protagonist doesn't mean morally good. I think we need more video game protagonists like Aiden.

Anyway seems like I went off again abt Aiden specifically while I meant to explain abt his source.

I do remember being annoyed how little hacking there was in main story. Personally my favorite quests in the game are ones involving sneaking and hacking and take downs. But the game has far, far FAR too many car chases, especially police chases or chasing after someone for story reasons. Those were frustrating and not particularly interesting missions.

I remember being in awe of the way profiler works, the app Aiden has that allows him to know intimate details abt npc's in game world. My favorite aspect of the game, just walk down a street and get all kinds of info tragic or funny.

I tend to watch walkthrough on yt first in order to determine should I buy a game - because I need to know what kind of shit I get myself into, such as is there club scene = annoying flickering lights, colors etc or is there possibly frustrating missions. That's what I did for Aiden's source too, when I got sudden hyperfixation and interest in Aiden as character that I never had before.

The story was meh I have to say, but I tend to overlook or forgive a lot if I enjoy characters or you give me crumbs of interesting story (without delving deep into it) and that happened here as well. Majority of the game is spend trying to find Nicky, Aiden's sister because Damien, his former partner kidnapped her bc he's super petty "boohoo my ex partner doesn't want to team up anymore" tantrum. Damien reminded me of Rais from Kyle's game, stereotypical, lazy depiction of villain that's simply just boring as hell. At least Iraq had some sort of presence and carried himself well even though even he is one sided.

Actually all villains in watch dogs are boring lmao. Only ones I actually liked somewhat were Iraq and Defalt and Iraq only bc he has nice banter with Aiden and unique laugh. Defalt was just this wacky, sexual humor troll hacker who I feel would've been good in sequel but they get the job done in passable way I guess.

T-Bone, Jordi and Aiden carried the whole damn game on their backs I swear. Oh and I'm still salty about Clara's death like just toss her into the wolves without any memorable scenes or presence ok.

Playing through his game myself was chore most of the time, but I kept going bc I just adore Aiden and other characters too much to give up. That and the satisfying feeling of slapping someone with a baton.

4. who was your first favorite character when you initially got into your f/o’s source content? was it your f/o from the very beginning?

I actually think my first favorite was Jordi! He just instantly establishes himself as someone who stands out and who's simply hilarious but gets shit done. I love how he just says "I called the cops" the convo is one of the best with Aiden and Jordi!

Also the "Its not the pizza guy" mission start convo but that's bc Aiden just happened to scratch his lips with him thump and I went OOOOH like a horny bitch while I just finished laughing at Jordi's antics.

Anyway Jordi is simply great! Perfect balance between wacky antics yet someone to be taken seriously.

Other candidate(s) for this were T-Bone and Tobias! T-Bone especially is so interesting (and he literally has his own DLC), he's easygoing but has lot of guilt and I'm sad we never get to any specifics abt his past as ctOS employee/creator. And something abt Tobias just caught my interest, he was friends with T-Bone and had this friendly rivalry with him and he has neat dialogue with Aiden (notice trend? I just love the contrast between Aiden vs everyone else)

I liked Clara as well, but honestly she was so underutilized it's a crime. We don't even know anything about her expect she worked with Dedsec and Quinn formerly and she's tattoo artist as well as hacker. There was opportunity to make her interesting but they just? Decided not to bc she dies? I'm still calling bullshit on it. Aiden saw the texts in Quinn's office he could've easily warned her! The game just doesn't?? Allow you to?? (Imagine AU where Aiden actually warns her and she goes underground bc she said in voice mail she's good at disappearing)

7. are there any specific scenes/chapters/moments of your f/o that you find yourself going back to revisit more often than any other? 

Let's see.

I quite like visiting Aiden's interactions with Nicky (particularly mission Big Brother). Other missions include Dressed in peels (the prison in and out break), Thanks for the tip (Aiden's lines to Damien in this mission make me swoon I swear), Any mission with Bedbug (since his and Aiden's interactions are gold) also By any means necessary (Iraq & Aiden showoff is so good) and finally Ghosts of past for Nicky & Aiden goodness and No turning back because hoo boy Aiden when he crouches to watch Quinn die is holy shit great af.

Also as I noted a while ago with my Ushio ask, I like to watch stealth videos of Aiden slapping people with his baton while no one notices. Such as some missions here and there, gang missions..

I also love to watch playthrough where Aiden is as pacifistic as possible.

But as individual cutscenes go, I like watching the one where Aiden blackmails someone in prison, he's such little shit AND he's without his usual regalia so he looks so good jlsllasja

Also the scene where he rough houses Damien in Nicky's kitchen with his baton is golden hoo boy I love aggressive Aiden

Oh and the cutscene where he meets Lucky Quinn after elevator and is for a while held captive and he breaks himself free of it (and later kills Quinn but I mentioned THAT scene already)

And the scene with Jacks in the train bc Aiden is the softest he can be (or at least tries to be comforting to his nephew)

AND FINALLY the bar scene with T-Bone and Aiden is so good! And Aiden's "Hello Ray" is such good line the way he says it sdhsaidhkdak

13. do you have a favorite line your f/o has ever said?

Almost everything he has said? Ever? No?

Okay, I have to do some research!

My first personal fave is upon asked "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" his answer is poignant "I wouldn't know where to begin"

Also when he chats with Damien for first time he quips: "Your problem is I don't need you"

The line he says in the car when he drops Jacks his nephew to safe place makes me melt "When I deal with these bad guys i need you someplace safe. That's what makes me strong" I just jhjjjj ♥♥♥♥

"You did good bedbug" sjkljslljdkldsld he sounds kinda soft there?? I just kskhhk

"You took something far more valuable from me" at Iraq when he rambled abt Aiden messing up his masterpiece of blackmail job? Amazing. I have to say Iraq's answer "Motherfucker I don't even know you" is gold and it's lowkey stim of mine sjkhkahdkd make it stop

He has SO MANY good lines I'd be here all day listing ALL of my favorites.

[mizelophsun11]

Mizeloph's Tale Chapter 8

Pairing - It is still General Kirigan x OC Sun Summoner and will eventually shift to Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary - First the little group from Ketterdam has to make it through the Fold before they can get to Eastern Ravka. As they travel through the Fold a past that Kaz does not like to talk about haunts his thoughts. A promise that he never intended on breaking brings more to Kaz than he cared to admit.

Word Count - 2550

-

“They want you to believe the Sun Summoner has been found to finally tear down the wall that divides us. But how many times have we been fed a story like that?! And how many times have we in the West been told to send our sons and daughters through the Fold for another year? It is time to accept that we need to break away from the old country! Now is the time to form our own country, to keep what we make and what we earn instead of sending it to the East! For the true Ravka!” Zlatan finished his speech and walked off towards the entrance of his tent where he shook hands with Arken who had an interesting proposition

Out in the open Kaz Brekker watched their exchange, he had not been too thrilled about this, but knew that they needed Arken to get them across the Fold. He would be able to come up with a plan to deal with Arken later. Kaz spotted Inej looking at the stones with names of people from the West who had gone through the Fold and died or never come back.

Inej noticed Kaz walk up to her with the tiny goat “he’s adorable”

“Don’t get too attached” he looked between her and the stones “I didn’t think I’d have to specify no detours for you”

“Even if just a few minutes could end a lifetime of questions?” Inej asked

Kaz sighed “I have looked at these stones for answers, when I couldn’t find her name these stones felt useless, just another reminder of an unknown”

“Maybe because she was able to survive the Fold, she is now the Sun Summoner, you cannot continue to deny it forever, there is hope you two will see each other again” Inej knew that they both were trying to find a name to have some closure, but it was not always that easy

“Hope is dangerous, it can cloud anyones judgement, including our own. Just like your mind has been clouded by your questions of my past with Anna Mizeloph, I told you I wanted your complete focus on this job” Kaz said adjusting the goat he was holding in his arm

“I will, this will be the last time I promise” Inej could tell that she was pushing on Kaz berries with talking about Anna

“Don’t forget Inej, we all have debts to pay” Kaz walked off to meet head towards the meeting point with Inej walking behind him

Once it got darker everyone had met at the disclosed location near the edge of town so they could start their journey, but there was one person missing, Jesper. They still made their way towards where the train would be when Inej stopped to read the sign.

“Wait, there are landmines here..” Inej said looking to Arken

“I put those signs up there to keep people away” Akren informed them

Kaz looked behind “where the hell is Jesper?” he did not want to be delayed

They walked over to where the machinery was hidden that would get them through the Fold “It’s one thing to hear about it, but.. This is..” Inej looked at the looming darkness as they got closer

“Nothing compared to what lies within” Arken went through the thick shadow and pulled the train out “there, so the goat, jurad.. Thank you. Now we are just waiting on the coal..”

“Wait for me!” Jesper yelled as he ran, followed by gunshots

Arken began to panic as he saw Jesper running towards their location with people following behind “they can’t see the train!”

“Leave the lantern!” Inej yelled

“Landmines!” Jesper looked at the sign

“Come on!” Kaz knew it was going to be close

Jesper tossed the lantern onto the ground and ran to the train in the dark making sure to watch his step. Once he got in he felt a slight sigh of relief wash over him, he had gotten coal and not been blown up.

“Please tell me you have 20 pounds of alabaster coal” Arken pleaded

Jesper gave him the bag “slight snap in the plan, turns out the kid who was helping me buy the coal didn’t exactly know how to, um, buy coal”

“We know you gambled it away” Kaz knew Jesper too well

“I lost a bit of the money.. Well, I lost all of the money, but! I was able to steal 20 pounds of alabaster coal” Jesper smiled a little

“No no.. there’s only 16 pounds” Arken was slightly panicking

Jespers smile faltered “16 pounds of alabaster coal”

“Can we do it on 16?” Kaz asked

“Never been done before, now I need you three to sit down and never shift your weight” Arken started to set everything up to get the train to start moving, then they suddenly heard the sound of an explosion and men screaming

Jesper shook a little “Landmines..”

Kaz looked up a Arken from his spot “I thought you said they weren’t real”

“I said no such thing, I just said I put the sign up” Arken began to put coal in and the train started, they entered the Fold.

It was quiet in the train so far, everyone was thinking about anything else than being inside the Fold. As the train chugged on Kaz knew that right now he should be thinking about what they will do to get into the Little Palace, but his thoughts drifted to Anna Mizeloph. He knew better, but Kaz could not help it, the little girl with white hair that he remembered was now the Sun Summoner. He remembered when they were younger, imagining their lives and how everything would work out.

-

Little 8 year old Kaz and Anna were holding hands as they ran down an alley holding a few items of food. Once they got to their safe spot they sat down and started to nibble at the food, Anna looked over at Kaz.

“What do you think our lives will be like once we are older Kazie?” Anna asked

“Honestly, I’m not sure, I want to get back at Pekka for putting me and Jordie in our current situation” Kaz was angry, he and his brother had the chance to start a new life when their father had died, they should not be in this situation

“But you met me.. You mean a lot to me Kazie” Anna said looking at the small amount of food she had left, this was all she knew, living on the streets

Kaz sighed “the future also involves me and Jordie becoming rich and you will be a part of that Anna, we will stick together” he smiled a little at her and pulled Anna close

“Good” she rested her head on his shoulder “but if you become rich can we travel the world? Maybe see Ravka? I’ve only heard of it from others travelers, but it sounds beautiful”

“Anything you want Anna” Kaz adjusted Anna and began to run his fingers through her hair to try and get a few tangles out “when we are older you will get whatever you want, I promise”

Anna smiled and closed her eyes feeling Kaz run his fingers through her hair. While she hated that Kaz and Jordie were cheated out of their money to survive, Anna was thanking every saint that she had known for meeting Kaz. She felt beyond lucky to have a best friend like Kaz and wished that they had met under different circumstances.

“Hey Kazie?” Anna said softly

“Yes Anna?” He continued to run his fingers through her hair now for comfort

“Can you make me another promise? This one is more important..” Anna could not imagine her future without Kaz

“Anything you want Anna” Kaz smiled a little finishing his combe through of her hair and pulled her close into a hug

“Promise me that we will never be separated, that we will grow up together and never leave each other, please promise me this” she pleased

“Yes, I promise” Kaz said, not knowing what the future held and that in a year he would break that promise. However, he didn’t know that, so with his ignorant bliss he made the promise

“Can we pinkie promise?” Anna asked looking at Kaz

Kaz smiled and nodded holding his pinky out “I promise”

Anna held her hand out and linked their pinkles “I promise” she continued to stay close to Kaz as he kissed the top of her head, their promise.

-

Kaz thought about that promise more than he would like to admit, he was the first one to break it. Even though it wasn’t really his choice because the people who collected him and his brother thought they were dead. However, that was still the moment of separation and Kaz wished that things could have been different. Anna was and still is an important girl to him and it made him think about what would happen when they were finally face to face. It would eventually happen since Anna is the key to the million kruge mission. Kaz wondered if she would recognize him or not, if she did how would she react? There was a lot running through his mind about Anna that was suddenly jossled when the train jerked.

With the sudden motion of the train came a strange noise snapping Kaz out of his thoughts “what was that?”

“Bits of metal hun on the poles, when they collide with the one on the train it markes where we are in our journey, right now we are on time” Arken said while looking at his watch

“How did you know where to put the poles?” Kaz asked

“Physics and engineering are a part of.. Most of my success” Akren continued to focus on his watch, he would glance at the coal then back at his watch

“And the rest?” Kaz glanced up at Arken

“What we might call divine intervention” Akren checked the coal against

“What other might call luck” Kaz never enjoyed relying on luck in anything

“And after all, the Fold is thick with volcra, and the tracks are not complete. Coal please” Arken said, Kaz threw some coal in

“I’m sorry, did you say the tracks weren’t complete?” Jesper asked starting to feel a little bit nervous and began to move

“Ah, ah! No moving” Arken said “it seems like we are falling behind, by my calculations we are now a tad late, more coal” Kaz put some more coal into the flames, fueling the train to continue going

“Back to the real issue, we are on tracks that don’t connect to other tracks” the amount of panic in Jesper was beginning to rise

“There is a gap, but..” Arken was going to continue but Kaz cut him off

“You said you could get us through, how much of a gap?” Kaz asked

Arken sighed, continuing to watch the coal and the watch to see if they could get back to being on time. “I built slats on the car, they roll into place under the wheels and the turbine generated enough wind to push all the way to the eastern tracks. This only works if we did not shift our weight, now we are about to go past a nest, the noise may attract volcra but it is the only way across”

As they continued through the sound of growling volcra echoed “now we have a problem, but we should be fine if they haven’t attacked us by..” the flapping wings of volcra got closer

Kaz looked at how Arken reacted “if need be how do you fight them off?”

“There is no way to fight them off, I can only outrun them to give a fighting chance. Open the throttle and toss all of the coal in, if we had 20 pounds this would work” as the coal was tossed in the train was gossled, Arken looked out to see what had happened “Damn! One of them impaid itself onto a spike”

The blood from the Volcra seeped through the ceiling and into the train “we need to get it off or else the other will stand on it” Kaz said

“More coal!” Arken commanded

Kaz threw the rest of the coal in and the bag it came in “we are down on fumes!”

Everything was beginning to unfold against them, they were behind, volcra were now attacking their only means of transportation through the Fold. A true nightmare, it almost had seemed too good to be true in the beginning when everything was running smoothly. Kaz could tell that they would be cutting it close, if they could even make it through.

Arken nodded “we won’t make it with this extra weight” he continued to try and get the dead volcra off the spike

“This is how we die” Jesper said

“Jesper grab the goat” Arken looked down at his watch to see if they were any close to the other side of the Fold

“I’m not throwing out the goat!” Jesper yelled

“Damit it Jesper, grab the damn goat! It’s not bait, it is for you now I need you to calm down and hug the goat!” Arken yelled back at Jesper

The sound of metal meeting metal rattled through the train “no no.. we should have hit that mark 20 seconds ago”

This caught Kaz's attention “20 seconds? Meaning..”

“My timing is precise in order to get us through, even 20 seconds behind means the train could stop inside the Fold which means.. Death for all of us” Akren looked down at the flames keeping the train going, but his attention was pulled away by the sound of volcra “there are more coming.. You may want to make your peace..”

Kaz never hoped for anything, until now he was hoping to make it through the Fold to see Anna. He had never been afraid of death, every mission in Ketterdam was a risk. However, this was different, he could die right here and never see Anna again. Within his thoughts he realised that there was so much more to this mission. Once her name left that man's lips the night of the job, that night he knew that this would be his chance to see her again. He needed to stay alive in order to see her and that would not be possible if he died in the Fold.

Arken looked up as the contraption that had taken him across the Fold too many times to count, it was now being torn apart by a few volcra. Jesper knew what he had to do, he had the guns, with his skills in hand he approached where the volcra were tearing through the top. The monsters screamed and with collection Jesper began to fire off shots at the swarming volcra killing all of them. It was a moment of silence before another metal ping rang, the sun shone through the hole made by the dead volcra. A sigh of relief left everyone in the train, they had made it through the Fold, alive. Now they had to figure out what the next plan was in order to get them into the Little Palace and get Anna Mizeloph.

-

Author Note - I am so sorry this chapter came later than I had hoped! These seem to only get longer and longer XD However I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! I originally did not plan on adding this chapter, but I thought it would be good to see more of Kaz and the past he has with Anna Mizeloph. Like always feel free to pm me if you would like to or leave a comment, I love reading what everyone has to say!

Tag List- @rika90 @itsemy01 @hotleaf-juice @teatimeforusreaders @benbarnes-supremacy @graciefullygracie @aleksanderwh0r3 @klaudosh @herbatkazmilosica

[emmaannaelisabeth]

THIS IS WHAT YOU DIDNT THINK YOU NEEDED. kaz having a religious experience. or at least how that might/could turn out. (aka me experimenting) and I GOT EMOTIONAL WRITING THIS. TEARS.

kaz closes his eyes. what if i can't be fixed? what if he'll always be this messed up creature that he is?

what if i'll never be unbroken enough to hold a girl in my arms? kaz feels his chest tighten. not just any girl, that girl. my girl.

something wet gathers in the corner of his eye, but kaz ignores it. his hands shake, tremble. the world blurs. what is this? why am i feeling like this?

he sinks to the floor; finds himself doing something he never thought he would do, he finds himself letting the fraction of a prayer flash through his mind. fix me.

a sound, the fluttering of wings, makes him look up. his gaze falls on a crow in front of him. black feathers glisten in the damp light, and the crow tilts his head to the side, looks kaz in the eyes.

kaz tenses, what?

you know what, a voice says. you know who i am. kaz stares at the crow, eyes wide. does it talk? it's not an ordinary crow, it's much bigger, and it holds a golden key in its beak.

"what are you?" he whispers.

the crow moves one of its wings, corrects a feather. who, the voice corrects.

kaz's blood runs cold. jordie? the crow doesn't answer.

kaz swallows hard. "i- i don't know." Ghezen, why can't i...

yes, the voice says.

"what?" kaz mumbles, suddenly feeling his heart start to race.

you called for me, the crow says.

"what?" kaz's eyes widen, he stops breathing. "are you..?"

yes, the crow says. i am. i am who i am.

kaz feels his eyes fill with tears, why, he can't say. "you're.." Ghezen?

the crow nods. and kaz wants to run away. he shakes his head. no, no, you can't...

i can. i am.

kaz stares at the crow, petrified and at peace at the same time. his breaths tremble, what is happening?

you don't need to be afraid, kaz.

he gasps, his lips quiver. what? what?! he wants to scream.

i'm here, i always have been.

kaz shakes his head frantically, feels the tears fill his eyes, then spill onto his skin. "no", he chokes. "no, you haven’t."

the crow tilts its head to the side. some things happen, things i can't control.

"you could have fucking saved him!" kaz yells, sobs, runs his trembling hands through his hair.

no. I could not.

"what do you mean no?" kaz looks up, stares at the crow, stares at Him. "he was thirteen..." kaz sniffles. the crow doesn't answer.

"you let him die!" kaz chokes on the words, his voice breaks. what the hell is wrong with me??

i saved you, did i not? kaz doesn't answer.

didn't i give you your life back? the crow’s voice rises in strength, makes the floor vibrate. didn't i give you strength? kaz shudders. didn't i spare you, by giving you one broken leg, instead of two? kaz tenses, the voice is too loud.

didn't i send them your way? jesper. inej. nina. matthias. wylan. the voice is scraping on his mind, fiddling with his heart. WHAT IS HAPPENING? kaz screams in his head.

didn't i save you? kaz sobs, covers his ears, curls up on the floor.

then, silence. kaz trembles, he's crying. he can't stop the tears.

oh, kaz. the crow's voice is soft now, soft like a sweet summer breeze. you don't need to be scared.

light, there's light, light surrounding him, and kaz looks up, sees the crow stand there, glowing. i'm here kaz, i've always been here.

kaz sobs. you were right, inej. she was right, she was fucking right.

she was, the crow says. kaz looks up.

you know i see all of my children. you know i see their work.

kaz nods numbly. he feels warm.

you have worked hard, kaz. i will answer you.

Ghezen lifts his wings. and then He's flying, grabbing kaz around the shoulders with his claws, digging deep into his flesh. kaz whimpers, but he doesn't fight it. there's peace in his heart.

the world swirls, feathers are all around him, air plays with his hair and clothes, he's flying. then, suddenly, he's back on the floor, in the same room, panting.

he huffs, feels as a wide grin spreads across his face. he pulls a hand through his hair, sobs and smiles. he feels light, he feels free, he feels happy. he wants to run, he wants to jump, he wants to laugh, he wants to...

there's a knock on the door, and before kaz has had the time to spin around, inej stands there and, without thinking, he wraps her up in his arms and spins her around.

inej laughs. "what?" she aks, looks at him, amazed. "what happened?"

"what do you mean?"

"kaz, you're touching me."

he looks down, sees his hand on her cheek. when did i put it there? an amazed huff passes his lips. he can't believe this. he… can do this?

"i..." he begins. "you were right", he says. "they do exist." inej looks like she can't decide if she should smile or frown.

"Ghezen", kaz whispers, smiling. "he's real. you were right."

she closes her open mouth, nods slowly. tears prick in her eyes. "so you do believe", she smiles.

"he..." kaz's face relaxes completely, his mouth hangs open. he fixed me. i- i can touch her, i can...

he looks into inej's eyes. "can i kiss you?" he asks. "can i try?"

inej's cheeks flush with the red of blossoming roses, then, she lifts her small hands to his cheeks and pulls his face gently towards hers.

their lips meet like the first waves that come in towards land after a storm. are one.

remember, kaz, the voice says, echoes in kaz's mind again. Ghezen's voice. i did mend you. i have locked away your fears with this key in my beak.

kaz's heart floods over. thank you.

[fiixer]

is there any kind of job you won't take?

" Y'know, most people don't ask stuff like that unless they want something reeeally weird."

That was generally how it worked, in his experience.  Either a potential client was going to ask for something bizarre, or they were too nosy for their own good, perhaps as a poor attempt at small talk to get a chummy vibe going with him.  Jordi has had a few of both in his time, the latter of which never worked, but he had to admit the attempts were adorable.  "I'm good with weird and all.  Cash is cash, I usually don't care how I have to get it, but believe it or not,  I do have standards - I know, it shocked the hell outta me, too, but there it is.   So, yeah, there's a few jobs I won't take - but, I also won't let anyone else take them, either."

What that means will come in time.

"Kids. I don't deal with shit involving kids.  And I don't mean like, holding a kid for ransom, scaring the hell out of them…that kind of thing is alright.  Not my favorite, but it pays, so I can't complain.  No, no, no, when I say 'involving kids', I mean putting them on the business end of my .45.  And before anyone starts spewing bullshit like who would do that - " For that, his voice climbs a derisive octave or two, only to drop back to normal in barely a breath. " - people do.  Not a lot of people, but people.  I've had one."

It's one he doesn't think of often anymore, now that so many years had passed.  Thus far, it had been one of a mere handful that he'd refused, and one of two he'd turned down because – well, he'd rather not get into the reasons why he'd shot them down.  Introspection sucks, he'd not here for that mess.  Oh, no, instead he's thinking an explanation is in order here.  A man like himself doesn't say no to paying work without good reason, after all.  So, guess what?  It's story time.

"I don't think I was in Chicago a year when this guy contacts me.  Says he wants to get back at his ex-wife.  They split the year before, she got their kid, she was seeing another guy and I dunno, some other bullshit, I stopped listening by that point.  I just remember thinking This is why I don't do the relationship crap.  It gets messy way too quick and then you end up with freak shows like that nutsack who can't leave shit alone.   Just thinking about it gives me a headache…" Trailing off, he comes to a pause.  A breath, and then a tense, albeit distant,  "Where the hell was I…?"

Chicago, relationships…divorced creep.  Ex wife, job refused because -

"- oh, yeah.  So, anyway, we meet, he tells me he wants to 'teach her not to fuck with him', but he doesn't want her dead, because everyone points fingers at the ex when stuff like that happens.  He just wanted her fucked up.  Not physically, 'cuz that would heal too quick and, again, everyone always thinks it's the ex.  He wanted to fuck with her head, permanently, and how'd he wanna do it?  By hiring me.  Not to mess with her or scare her or whatever- that'd be fine, I'd done it a thousand times before.  Nah, this asshole wanted me to take out the five-year-old she had custody of.  Yknow, really hit her where it hurts."

In theory, Jordi's previously mentioned tactics - ransom, threats, etc. - usually worked just fine, and probably would have in that instance, too.  Most parents would lose their minds over that kind of stuff, but a client wants what a client wants.  His part in the deal was to listen and do what he's paid to, no questions asked or input placed.

"I said I'd take it.  Told him to pay me upfront and then, when the job was done, I'd clean the mess and he'd never have to see me again, and y'know what?  He did.  Transferred it over, didn't even question it, and after he did, I was about to head out to get the job done, but before I could, the craziest shit happened.  I stood up, went to leave, and the next thing I know, there's a bullet right in the middle of his forehead - fuckin' dead center.  The second one wasn't too far off, either; think it was like…in his eye or something, I dunno, hard to remember now, but I do remember, with all of his blood flying around, some of it ended up on my jacket.  My brand new Patagonia, can you believe it?! "

The audacity of some people. Even as a corpse, the guy was a dick, which could have almost been respectable if Jordi wasn't on the receiving end of things.

He really liked that coat, too...

"So, I popped the fucker a third time, went home to change, and took myself out to a nice dinner on the lakefront.  I got my money, and no one was around to claim I didn't get the job done - which actually reminds me, you breathe a word of this to anyone, just know, I got three bullets on me just for you, got it?  Cool, cool.  But, uh..yeah, that was that."

That one felt good.  If pressed, Jordi couldn't put a finger on exactly what made that particular request much different than the countless others he'd handled; maybe it was just because it was a kid involved, maybe he'd started going soft a little sooner than he'd noticed.  Whatever the case, it was a hard limit on his end.  What should have been a meeting like any other had left a hollow pit in his stomach the whole time the guy talked, after he'd revealed intentions and explained exactly what he wanted Jordi to do.  Such a pathetic waste of space, that one, drawing a target on someone who couldn't fight back...

As far as he's concerned, he fulfilled a contract, albeit an unspoken one, for saving some random woman he'd never meet the hassle of her ex-husband's existence, and spared a kid the trouble of being caught in the middle of that whole disaster. Look at him - making the world a better place, one well-placed bullet at a time.

"Moral of the story is, a job like that?  Nope, won't take it, and anyone who comes to me with shit like that it's gonna end up like ol' what's-his-face…I can't remember it now, it's been a while.  So far, that one's been the only time I've been asked to off a kid, but if I know anything about people, it's that someone, somewhere out there, is just fucked up enough to want it, too."