#me? absolutely hating journey for not giving my daughter the attention she deserves??? YES YES I AM

[sigulary]

pokeani really gave dawn a new contest dress to do absolutely nothing interesting with it.....

[Image description: A pixel illustration of Pokemon characters Dawn, Pachirisu and Piplup jumping in front of a pink background and surrounded by yellow lightning and multicolored bubbles. Dawn wears a star themed dress thats fades from white to blue and night sky accessories while smiling with closed eyes. Pachirisu wears bowtie and Piplup a pearl jewelry that matches Dawn’s and both smile with open mouths. End description]

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

[believingispowerfulmagic]

“Once Upon a Time” Chapter 21: Return to the Dreamscape

I need you tonight I need you right now I know deep within my heart It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right I really need you tonight

(“I Need You Tonight,” Backstreet Boys)

Chapter 21: Return to the Dreamscape

           I laid Emma down in her crib, covering her with the blanket Granny had made for her back in the Enchanted Forest. Pressing a kiss to my fingers, I touched her forehead. “Good night, princess. Sweet dreams.”

           After checking on Rachel, who slept soundly in her crib, I grabbed the storybook and headed back to my room. Robin looked up from where he already lay in bed, smiling at me. “She asleep?”

           “Finally,” I said, putting down the book so I could grab my pajamas. “I’m going to change in the bathroom so I can get everything done at once. I’ll be out in a little bit.”

           “Take your time,” he told me, going back to the crossword in the newspaper. He had discovered them recently and was absolutely obsessed with completing them. I thought it was great for him.

           I changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Once all that was done, I left the bathroom and placed my clothes in the hamper to be washed. I climbed into bed, pulling the storybook with me.

           “Going to do some light reading before bed?” he asked me, setting down his crossword puzzle.

           “I’m going to do some research,” I said, flipping through the pages. “I want to read Zelena’s backstory.”

           He moved closer to me, wrapping his arm around me. “Care if I read over your shoulder?”

           “We can read it together,” I told him, moving the book so half of it was on his lap as well. “Just try not to skip ahead.”

           “I won’t. You can turn the pages,” he told me, kissing the top of my head.

           I leaned into his embrace as I found a picture I was looking for, one that showed a young woman who looked just like my mother when she married my father. “This is the start of Cora’s story, a young woman working to help support a drunken father and the mill he can barely keep running.”

           “Cora?” Robin asked and I could hear the frown in his voice. “Why are we starting with her? I thought you wanted to read Zelena’s backstory?”

           “I do. And we are. Her story starts with Cora after all. And if we want the whole picture, we need to start with Cora having her,” I explained, looking up at him.

            He pressed his lips together but nodded his head. “You’re right. Go ahead.”

           Together, we read about how Cora had been tricked by an unscrupulous man who rejected her when she showed up pregnant, hoping to lead the glamorous life he had promised her in order to bed her. Distraught, she had been comforted by then-Prince Leopold, who fell for Cora. However, the young gardener who had rejected her started to blackmail her. Cora tried to pay him off but she was caught by Leopold, who had been informed by Princess Eva. Unable to trust Cora, Leopold had dismissed her and she fled from his palace back to her tiny town, disgraced.

           “I do not feel anything for her,” Robin said, “but that cad ought to be strung up.”

           I nodded, feeling a bit bad for Cora. “She didn’t deserve to be deceived and abused like that. It’s surprising to think that the Eva in the storybook is Snow’s beloved mother, the one she said taught her about being kind and selfless.”

           “Queen Eva’s kindness was well-known throughout Mist Haven and the Enchanted Forest,” Robin replied, “but I guess even she needed to mature into that person.”

           “She is supposed to be a teenager here,” I mused, looking over the dark-haired young woman in the painting. I then frowned. “And Leopold is already a bit too old for her, if you ask me.”

           He shrugged. “An age gap like that was not uncommon amongst the royals and even nobles but most couples were more like Snow and Charming, close in age.”

            “It still seems weird, but I guess they were happy,” I said, turning the page. “Let’s read on.”

           A local midwife took care of Cora and was present when she gave birth to her child, a girl. Cora knew she would be unable to better her life as a single mother with an illegitimate child. She swaddled her daughter and placed her in a basket, leaving her in the middle of the woods so Cora could go live her best life. The baby girl was left exposed to the elements and the creatures of the woods, no doubt a death sentence had a magical tornado not come through and picked up the basket. It transported the girl to Oz, where she was adopted by a woodsman and his wife. They named her “Zelena.”

           “She just left her?” I shouted at the book. “A helpless baby and she just left her in the woods? What kind of a monster is she?”

           Tossing the book aside, I scrambled out of our bed as Robin tried to reach out for me. He frowned. “Where are you going?”

           “The nursery,” I replied, yanking open our bedroom door. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go on without me, please.”

I didn’t wait to hear his response as I stormed down the hallway. Entering the nursery, I stopped and checked on Emma. She was sound asleep in her crib, her blanket bunched around her legs and her little hand closed on Princess Bear. Emma looked peaceful and her pink lips were curved up in a soft smile.

Reaching down, I stroked her cheek. Her parents had to send her away but to give her her best chance to have a life, not because of their own selfish desires. They also had trusted that I would find her and raise her for them. While it had taken some time, I had managed to do just that. Cora hadn’t done any of that for Zelena.

I pressed a kiss to my fingers and placed them on her cheek, letting her sleep on as I moved over to Rachel’s crib. My daughter slept soundly on her stomach, her little body covered by her pink blanket and her hand right by her face. She looked like an angel.

Leaning against her crib, I remembered when she was born. I saw her tiny form on my chest, her skin pink and her blue eyes looking up at me. She had been so defenseless and had to rely on me for everything. As I had held her, I vowed to make sure she always had everything she needed and would always be safe. I couldn’t imagine being able to leave her alone in a basket in the middle of the woods and just walk away, damning her to an inevitable death. It made me sick to even think about it.

I reached in and picked her up, holding her close. Right now, I needed her with me as I reassured myself that she was okay. I kissed her forehead and carried her back into our bedroom. Along the way, I doublechecked on Roland, who was sound asleep with Bandit resting next to his bed. My children were all safe and sound.

Robin didn’t seem surprised when I came back with Rachel. He just held the blankets up so I could climb under them with her my arms. I kept her cuddled against my chest and she slept on, unaware she was no longer in her crib.

“Are you ready to continue?” he asked softly, wrapping his arm around me once I was settled in bed again.

“I guess so,” I replied with a scowl. “Let’s see how much worst this can get and how much more I can loathe Cora.”

We read as Zelena was raised by the woodsman and his wife, who sadly died while Zelena was still a child. It was clear that she adored her adopted daughter, even with all the signs that she had magic. Her husband, though, did not have the same feelings and was convinced that Zelena was evil. After his wife died, he became an alcoholic who emotionally abused his daughter and made her self-conscious about her magic.

“She got left by a selfish mother and ended up stuck with an asshole of a father,” I said, scowling still. “No wonder she’s the way she is.”

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow as a smile toyed on his lips. “Is that sympathy I hear?”

“Yes,” I said, not hiding the truth. “Feeling sympathetic toward her doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop her. I just understand her a bit better. Don’t you?”

“I do,” he replied, voice softening. “But we’ve all had suffering in our lives. We’ve all had awful parents. You and I certainly didn’t go down the same path she did.”

“We had a good influence in our life longer than she did,” I pointed out, thinking of my father and his mother. “And you did go a bit dark there for awhile by your own admission. Right?”

He frowned and I could tell he wasn’t sure where I was going with it. I held up my hand as I kept my grip on Rachel. “I don’t want to try to excuse her behavior. She made her choices as did you. You chose to turn away from the dark path. She didn’t.”

Robin was silent before nodding. “I easily could’ve chosen to continue down that path. I understand how seductive it is.”

“Which helps us understand her better,” I pointed out.

“And helps us figure out her weakness,” he said, rubbing his chin. He turned back to the book. “Continue.”

Shifting Rachel in my arms, I flipped the page as we watched Zelena grow up into a young woman who wanted to escape her dreary existence and to find people who would accept her for who she was. She journeyed to the Emerald City and met the wizard, who told her about her real mother. He gifted her a pair of silver shoes that allowed her to travel between realms so she could meet Cora.

“Oh, sure, let’s go surprise the mother who left you for dead,” I muttered, turning the page. “That’s going to go so well.”

To no one’s surprise, Zelena was rejected again by Cora when she showed up at the manor house Cora called home. Dejected, she refused to go home and started to wander around Mist Haven. When she used her magic to stop a would-be thief, she drew the attention of the Dark One.

I groaned. “I knew he had to enter the story at one point but I’m still not happy he’s in it. He seems to be the last person Zelena needs.”

“He’s the last person anyone needs in their story,” Robin replied, scowling. “I hated having to go to him but I had no choice.”

“You did it to save Marian and Roland,” I said, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

He nodded, looking down at Rachel. “I would’ve done it again in a heartbeat to save you and her too.”

“I know,” I said, releasing his hand to close the book. “I think we’ve had enough of Zelena’s story for tonight. We can continue later.”

“Do you want me to take her back to the nursery?” he asked, holding out his arms for Rachel.

I glanced down at her before shaking my head. “I want to snuggle her a bit longer. Is it okay if she spends the night here?”

“You know I’m always okay with our children sleeping in the bed with us,” he pointed out, teasing me slightly. “You were the one who didn’t want to co-sleep.”  

“I know,” I replied, lying Rachel down on the bed between us. She rubbed her face with her little hand but slept on. I smiled at her. “But I’ve always made exceptions.”

He nodded. “True. So as long as you’re really okay, then I’m okay with it.”

I leaned over and kissed him. “I’m really okay with it. Good night, Robin.”

“Good night, Regina.” He slid down until he was lying next to Rachel, taking one of her hands in his. Robin kissed it before closing his eyes.

After kissing Rachel’s forehead, I turned off our lamp and laid down in bed. I buried my nose in my daughter’s curls, taking in the fresh scent of her baby shampoo. With her little body next to mine, I quickly succumbed to sleep and some pleasant dreams.

Continue reading on FFN, AO3 or Wattpad

[adventuresinawonderland]

Chloe’s Vulnerability & Emotional Journey

(In Defense of Chloe Decker Part 2)

So it’s official, Chloe & Cain are dating, or have been for a wk or 2. For clarity’s sake I’m not counting the Axara concert as a “date”. Nor the alluded to “dinner date” at the end of 3x18. As far as what’s been shown on screen, they’ve only been on one date. And things seem to be moving along quite normally for these two. Or as normal as can be when Chloe is using the relationship to mask her unresolved feelings for Lucifer. While Cain sees & exploits her emotional vulnerability & uses it as a means to an end.

Same Amenadiel, same... I know, it’s A LOT to take in. But don’t worry we can get through this. Just a forewarning, things may get salty. I’m just as protective of Chloe, as I am of Lucifer. And there have been things said about her that have really grinded my gears. The Mama Bear claws are out & sharpened. Our favorite detective has been through so much this past year & it’s about time we talk about it. Let’s dig in...

Since “Orange Is The New Maze” has been released, & even a bit before that, I’ve seen the term ‘OOC’ thrown around. Especially concerning Chloe Decker & a certain relationship she’s found herself in. People shouting into the void: “WHY IS SHE WITH HIM, DOESN’T SHE SEE HE’S TERRIBLE!?! FUCKING OOC!”  “THE WRITERS HAVE CHANGED HER JUST SO SHE COULD FIT INTO THIS LOVE TRIANGLE! UGHHH OOC BS! (these aren’t actual quotes from fans, but you get the gist)

Let’s start with the term ‘OOC’. According to Urban Dictionary aka the most reliable source of information next to Wikipedia... 

It’s an acronym that stands for "Out of Character"’; which is frequently used in one of two situations. Two situations that I’m fairly well versed in. As I’m sure most of you are too.

in role-playing, indicating that a person is making a comment, suggestion, etc., that isn't coming from the character but from the person him- or herself or their-self.

in fanfiction, signaling that the way the author chose to portray the characters (or perhaps unintentionally portrayed them) may not be consistent with how the characters act, think, or speak in the original work on which the fanfiction is based. 

Now I’m not saying it’s IMPOSSIBLE for writers to loose sense of a character’s personality, morals etc. on a tv show. Believe me I’ve seen it happen, & have the emotional scars & frustrations to prove it. Thankfully this show has had the rare luck of having the same writers for the vast majority of it’s run. Something that’s largely unheard of. With that in mind, we can assume that most, if not all the writers have a good grasp on who Chloe (& the others) are at their core. 

Also Chloe isn’t the main focus; Lucifer is. I mean his name is in the title ;). Not to mention all the other characters the writers have to cultivate & give as equal screen time as possible. Meaning her journey isn’t always going to be at the forefront; which can be frustrating at times. There have been hints at the inner struggle going on in Chloe. It’s subtle, but it’s there if you’re willing to look for it.

One of the similarities between Chloe & Lucifer is they keep their hearts heavily guarded. They’ve been hurt in the past, & those events have shaped them into the characters they are today. Another similarity between them is their tendency to keep their inner turmoil locked up. Putting on a smile & pretending like nothing is wrong. 

“I love making you believe, What you get is what you see. But I’m so fake happy, I feel so fake happy. And I bet everybody here, Is just as insincere.  Fake Happy, Paramore

“I can let my guard down with you. I don’t do that with anyone else. You make me vulnerable; & maybe that’s ok.” - (Chloe/1x11) Thus one of the tethers that bonded these two characters was formed. Now how they both deal with this vulnerability is what’s really interesting. Lucifer, we can all agree, has a flair for the dramatic. Mostly stemmed from the fact that he’s never had to deal with these kinds of emotions while ruling Hell. Jealousy, fear, love... these are all brand new to him; & his reactions to them are powerful. Chloe, of course being human, is used to feeling these emotions. For her it’s just another part of life. Her reactions to things that hurt her are going to be subtle. There have only been a handful of times where Chloe let what she was feeling on the inside out; ‘My Little Monkey’ being a prime example.

Our detective was introduced in the pilot as a ‘by the book’ cop. She keeps her feelings close to her chest; & only when provoked do we see her roar. In fact the only time I’ve seen a break from this is during her interactions w/ Cain. From day one he placed Chloe at the bottom of the totem pole. All she did was politely introduce herself & in the next breath he was lessening her importance. As I’ve stated in previous posts this immediately causes there to be an imbalance in their relationship. Them being together hasn’t changed that; if anything it’s made it worse. Do you have a pin handy... well it’s time to break it out. We’ll get back to ‘Carcus’ in a bit; for right now it’s all about Chloe.

Remember that old saying I referenced in my post about 3x18; “Can’t see the forest for the trees” Boy do I love a good callback. In this situation “the trees” is Chloe’s relationship with Cain & “the forest” is her emotional struggle that has led her to this point. Now it’s time I say we shed some light on it.

Chloe Jane Decker is hardworking & put’s her all into every case that comes her way. The people she cares about always come first, & she’ll gladly suffer in silence to make sure none of them feel any pain. Chloe is a strong, multi dimensional character that has been an absolute joy to see on screen. She has been portrayed beautifully by Lauren German, who deserves all the praise in the world. All of this shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of you.

I feel it’s safe to assume that Chloe has never “made the first move”. She’s more of a slow & steady kind of woman. The only ex we know of is Dan; & I’d classify him as the ‘safe option’. It was easy for Chloe to warm up to him, date him, & the rest is history. Which is why it’s shocking to her when she realizes that she’s developed feelings for a person like Lucifer. He’s spontaneous, outspoken, loves to be the center of attention; everything she’s not. Made even more shocking when she starts to believe that Lucifer may have feelings for her as well. Feelings she tries to deny repeatedly, especially in 2x11. Claiming they didn’t have a moment, they’re too different, etc. I personally love these instances with Chloe; I refer to them as her ‘thinking out loud’ moments aka ‘me everyday of my life’. The things she’s voicing aren’t for anyone’s benefit, but her own. It’s like Chloe’s trying to rationalize her emotions. ‘Maybe if I say out loud that Lucifer & I wouldn’t work, then maybe it’ll be true.’ 

^^^Sorry not sorry This tactic of course is futile, as shown by the surprise smooch she lays on our devil. Not ONCE but TWICE!! Chloe made the first move; she put herself out there. That’s a big deal. From day one Lucifer has been very heavy handed w/ the sexual innuendos. Going so far as to try & sleep with her in 1x04. But in the end he thinks better of it as he becomes more aware of Chloe’s boundaries. The only other time Chloe’s made a move was when she arrived wasted at Lucifer’s penthouse at the end of 1x10. To which Lucifer refused her advances immediately. Because the devil is, if anything, a gentleman; also consent. When Chloe kisses Lucifer; she’s at her most vulnerable. She’s letting him in in a way she hasn’t before. Letting him know that she believes him to be more than worthy of her; no matter what he believes his flaws to be.

As I’ve stated, Chloe feels it’s her duty to shoulder the pain that everyone around her is feeling above her own. A trait I’m sure is the product of loosing her father at such a young age. She has to be strong; for her mom, her daughter, everyone. While at the same time pushing everything that’s effecting her to the back burner; 2x07 being a perfect example. I lost count of the amount of times Chloe looked like she was ready to collapse in a pool of tears. But she didn’t, she had to be an unbreakable force of nature. It’s only during the final scene with Lucifer that she finally lets herself go. You can see the thoughts playing out on Chloe’s face the second before she rushes into his arms. She’s at war with her emotions. Until finally she exclaims “Oh just... Shut up!”; again we have another ‘thinking out loud’ moment. Luci doesn't need to shut up; it's her thoughts that need to. Chloe is making the choice to ignore the consequences, no overthinking it. All she wants right now is to be comforted, & Lucifer is the only person she feels the safest with.

^^^That single tear gets me every time. My precious baby. Now, what could cause a character as strong & caring as our detective to fall into an abusive relationship? The answer lies in 2x14; & the episodes proceeding it. Just like how the events in 2x12 were the catalyst to Lucifer’s actions in 2x13. Lucifer’s response of ‘Friends, yes that’s exactly what we are.’ in 2x14 shatters Chloe’s world. Again she looks like she’s about to crumble; her voice is shaky, her breathing is uneven. Only this time, she can’t run into Lucifer’s arms to find comfort. He’s worlds away from her now. What she thought they had was & is an illusion. A hug, a touch, a kiss; moments that meant everything to her, clearly meant nothing to him. So she sucks it up; suppresses those feelings of rejection & a love unrequited.

”I can’t call you a stranger, But I can’t call you. I know you think that I erased you. You may hate me, But I can’t hate you. And I won’t replace you. Tell me how to feel about you now? Oh let me know, Do I suffocate or let go? Tell Me How, Paramore

There’s a clear line connecting the catalyst of Chloe’s emotional spiral in ‘Candy Morningstar’ to the present time heading into ‘The Angel of San Bernardino’. Most of these moments were subtle, but powerful when looked at closely. In my mind it proves Chloe’s actions or in actions aren’t the product of bad/lazy writing. And they’re most definitely not sacrificing her character in order to make this ‘love triangle’ happen. Or as the kids like to call it ‘OOC’. 

Let’s do a bit of reading between the lines shall we?!

“Our partnership ended when you ghosted me & the entire department.

“...What good is a partner if I can’t depend on you.” 

“How could you... I thought we were... I thought we were friends.”  (2x14)

unsaid: -I kissed you; I let you in & you left without a word. Why? -I put my trust in you & you abused it. I need someone I can rely on. I thought that was you. -Where do we stand. I have feelings for you; I thought you had feelings for me. That’s why I kissed you, why I let you in. But now you’re married & I don’t know what to think & how to feel.

”You know I keep caring... & you, you just... Lucifer.” (3x01)

“These feelings are stupid. Lucifer & I are friends, partners. I’m past anything romantic with him. Full on rear view, in the past.” (3x06)

“Are you really that self absorbed that you don’t realize your actions hurt people, hurt me.”  “Then why are you still here?”  (3x12)

unsaid:  -I open my heart & you keep taking advantage of it. Are you stringing me along; is this a game to you? -I love working with him, & being around him; but it hurts. One min we’re hot, the next we’re cold. I want to be over him, but I don’t think I ever will be. -If you don’t care about me, then why do you do these things. I’m still heartbroken; & I’m even more confused than before. I need to know where we stand cause I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

Lucifer broke Chloe’s heart in more ways than one in 2x14. And that pain is prolonged due to his attempts to “protect her/almost let her in/etc.”. To Chloe it feels as if he’s stringing her along, taking two steps forward than a giant leap back.

You keep me up with you silence Take me down with your quiet Of all the weapons you fight with, Your silence is the most violent.” Tell Me How, Paramore

All these emotions swirling inside has left Chloe vulnerable. If you’ve ever suffered from any kind of lapse in mental health you know how easy it is to let someone in that may have a negative influence on you. In this confusion & inner turmoil, is where Cain pounces. He seems nice enough, the perfect distraction to Chloe’s unresolved feelings. She just wants to find happiness outside of the yearning she still has for Lucifer.

Cain can see the bond Chloe & Lucifer have, as well as the ocean that now separates them. Realizing that maybe he went about it all wrong the first time. Maybe if he forms a similar bond w/ Chloe he’ll be on the road to what he’s always wanted. So he lays what little charm he has on her strong. Tells her everything she wants to hear in order to lull her into a false sense of security. Those walls he appeared to have before, are gone all because of her. Normally this is where a million red flags would be going off in Chloe’s mind; & they are. Unfortunately because she’s been so weighed down by everything that’s gone on w/ Lucifer she overlooks them. It’s easier to pretend everything is fine, than to feel the pain. 

I know I said that I was doing good, And that I’m happy now. Shoulda known that when things were going good That’s when I’d get knocked down. Fake Happy, Paramore

Chloe has every right to feel how she’s feeling. She has every right to seek out a relationship w/ whomever she wants. It’s just annoying that she’s having to figure all this out while being saddled w/ a person who doesn’t respect her. Part of Chloe is trying to move on from Lucifer, but the other doesn’t want to; sound familiar? -cough; Lucifer -cough;. It’s frustrating, confusing, & completely in character.

This is a valid part of Chloe’s journey. It wasn’t plucked out of thin air for the sake of a ‘love triangle’. The writers laid the groundwork for it in S2 & have connected it through to S3. Parts may have gotten lost along the way but it’s there. If they’d had Chloe ignore these feelings, made her pretend like everything Lucifer has said/done wasn’t effecting her it would’ve been a disservice. Not only to Chloe, but to the story, & to us the viewers.  Truthfully I feel people have been a lil too heavy handed w/ the ‘OOC’ term. I’ve mostly seen it used as a means to say they disagree with what Chloe or -insert character here; has been doing. All I have to say to that is: Do you know how many times I’ve disagreed w/ a characters actions? A LOT! I’ve disagreed w/ Lucifer multiple times. I love my son, but sometimes he needs to be put in time out. It’s what makes a character unique, what keeps us watching. Do you know how boring it would be if we agreed w/ every thing a character did? Extremely.  Part of storytelling is putting characters into different situations & seeing how they deal with them. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. In the end they’ll come out stronger, & more fleshed out than they were before. 

Each one of the characters on ‘Lucifer’ is dealing w/ their own emotional/mental health struggles. Our devil isn’t the only one who needs to hire a therapist. When I see people praising Lucifer’s or Maze’s growth from S1 to now, while at the same time denouncing Chloe’s pisses me off. It’s as if because Chloe is human she’s already a fully realized character with no more room to grow. So many of you have been complaining that she hasn’t “been doing anything” this season. News flash, yes she has. Chloe’s juggling being a single mom of a 10 yr old while managing a  full time career as a homicide detective. On top of that she’s been struggling w/ her unresolved feelings for Lucifer. We should be praising her for staying strong & not completely breaking down under the pressure.

^^^Maze is on the prowl, you know I mean business. Consider yourselves warned. #ChloeDeckerDefenseSquad I applaud the writers for taking this route with Chloe. Rarely do we ever see the beginnings of an abusive relationship portrayed so accurately. I’ve watched it be attempted, but more often than not the outcome is lackluster. Almost like the writers got spooked halfway through, or one of the higher ups told them to make it more palatable. People like Cain exist & should be talked about. Just because Chloe is overlooking these signs at the moment, doesn’t mean we should. Take away Cain’s immortality & he’s your average dude bro preying on women, or anyone. Everything is a game to them, a means to an end. I’m certain that if Chloe didn’t have a good head on her shoulders & an army of people to defend her, things would only escalate further. I’ve had the misfortune of being witness to these types of relationships on more than one occasion. They’re terrifying & I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. If we can find a positive from this plotline it’s to recognize Cain’s actions & words for what they are. Words of an abuser, a manipulator, a sociopath, etc. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel less than. You deserve to be loved & treated respectfully. Take note of these signs & protect yourselves & others. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Now that the main discussion is out of the way, let’s do a bit of spring cleaning if you will... Welcome to ‘Em’s Salty Corner’ aka ‘People Need To Find Their Chill’ This week we’ll be discussing the infamous ‘Bullet Necklace’ circa 3x19 Some of you were more than a little pissed at Chloe’s dismissal of it. “How dare she think this gift was a joke?!!?!!?! LUCIFER GAVE IT TO YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU YOU BITCH!!” (again I’m paraphrasing here...) Now, look I’d be lying if I said Chloe’s line didn’t hurt my heart, cause it did. But instead of jumping to conclusions over it I paid attention to the whole scene. Her body language, her tone of voice, everything. And do you know what I see? I see a woman trying to lessen the significance of an item so as not to trigger her abuser. Followed later by an apology from the woman for hurting said abuser. When in reality there was nothing for Chloe to apologize for.

“It’s unfair of me to ask you to deal with this” Deal with what? A gift you received months before y’all were dating? He has no right to tell you what to do, how to act, how to feel, what to wear, etc. You’ve been dating him for less than 2 wks; Chloe this is BS & you know it somewhere deep in your heart. These are the classic signs of a dysfunctional relationship & yet y’all are focusing on whether or not Chloe thinks Lucifer got her a ‘joke gift’

^^^Lucifer & I are not amused. You saw the heart eyes Chloe was making while talking about that necklace right? She loves that necklace, & cherishes the memories she has when receiving it. Not to mention the look of longing she had aimed at Lucifer in the parking garage. There was more electricity in those missed glances than in all of Carcus’s scenes combined. Seriously what even was that peck; their lips barely touched. It looked like the kind of kiss you’d give an aging relative you haven’t seen since you were 3. If anything it was the perfect example of when 2 actors with no chemistry are made to pretend like they do.    Chloe referred to this gift as BEAUTIFUL upon first receiving it for crying out loud. If Chloe was really under Cain’s “spell” she wouldn’t be wearing it. Paraphrasing what I’d said in my previous post: Our detective openly wearing this is her way of telling Lucifer that he’s still important to her. Chloe’s heart belongs to him, he was her first choice. She’s trying to move on, but she’ll soon realize it’s with the wrong person.

“Do friends give you jewelry” Yes Cain, they fucking do. Especially ones who are destined to be together. So she was wearing a necklace, big deal! You’ve been dating for a min, chillax. I don’t see a ring on her finger... too much? ;). And even if there was, Chloe’s her own person with her own free will. What’s next, are you going to tell Chloe she can’t put one of Trixie’s alien drawings on the fridge? God I can’t wait for your ass to be grass. And thus concludes “Em’s Salty Corner”; we hope to see you again soon! :)

^^^Remember wuss’s don’t get any. Speaking of everyone’s favorite pigtailed, alien loving little cutie. Before I sign off I’d like to direct you to a post I & a bunch of other awesome people contributed to. It’s mostly us speculating about 3x20 & the rest of the season (prior to the release of 3x20/21/22 synopsis’s). I especially want you to focus on my section theorizing/discussing Dan’s “Cat Analogy”. All I’ll say here is that I believe Dan’s assurances that Lucifer is the ‘cat’ in Chloe’s life is false. Think we can all agree that a certain little girl holds more weight when it comes to Chloe making “life changing decisions.” Cain isn’t gonna know what hit him when he meets that little girl. As we head into the final 5 episodes remember to keep an open mind, have faith in the writers, & keep a steady grasp on your sanity. There have been a lot of crazy theories floating around; some intriguing, & some are out of this world. But that’s one of the best things about being in a fandom, we each see the thing we love differently. Even better when we’ve created a space in which we could converse w/o fear of reproach. Keep spreading the positivity & love! Whatever this show has in store for us will be amazing, as it always is. Till next time!! xoxox Em

Tribe:  @psychicninja90 @mametupa @aeruthien @boundtobeafraid @deckoutinstars @ships-sailing-in-the-night @ohmymorningstar, @youcantmakeme, @frankcastle, @sanoiro @wpbianca99, @mischief-with-sandra, @mendokayalways, @lux-i-fer, 

[reader-imagines-blog]

Vows [Part 5] (Jaime Lannister x Stark!Reader)

a/n: aaahhh! hi! im back! im sosososo sorry that i was gone for so long oh my gosh! school hit me like a ton of bricks and i needed some time to get in the swing of things! take this and enjoy and guess what? i'll have part 6 up tomorrow along with a filled request! enjoy, loves, and thank you for being so patient and understanding! 

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9

TAG LIST: @queen-of-the-north-amina @avistella @chippychipmunks @buckybarnesisalittleshit @chloehamiltonn @millie67 @doctorwhoandrory

WORD COUNT: 2,093

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"Choices, choices. Take the bridge and risk being seen by anyone or cross the water and," 

Brienne tugged on Jaime's chain, the not-so-golden-anymore Lion stumbling. Although he had almost fallen flat on his front, Jaime's smirk held strong.

"Silence, Kingslayer." 

His smirk fell. 

Out of habit, Y/N corrected her. Y/N corrected anyone who called Jaime by that title, no matter who they were. After Jaime had confessed to her that he hated it, she began hating it too. 

"His name is Jaime." 

Both knights looked at Y/N curiously, but she paid no mind. Jaime's eyes lingered but Y/N was determined not to look his way. 

After discovering that she was with child, Y/N had taken to avoiding her husband. Her time in her brother's camp, two months to be exact, was filled with sneers and taunts thrown her way each time she ventured from her tent. 'The Lannister Bitch' they called her. These men, pledged to her house and sworn to be loyal. Calling her child a bastard because of her marriage to the enemy. A marriage she had no say in. To a man she had grown to care about despite the devastating heartbreak he had put her through. 

Y/N felt that she deserved every taunt thrown her way. 

 Y/N felt like a coil, wound so tight that she may never straighten again. She had been forbidden to relieve her stress in the tilt-yard as she had throughout her childhood. The second that she had picked up her sword, Catelyn was there to scold her for endangering her heir. Her sword was confiscated and Y/N felt defenseless. Left to sit and watch her twin plan and do the fighting, Y/N was constantly on edge and ready to argue. Hormone imbalances due to pregnancy didn't do her any favors, either. 

Robb had finally snapped and confined her to her tent when she questioned his betrayal of the Frey's in front of his counsel. Her twin had accused her of siding with the Lannisters, all but calling her a common whore, before banishing her from the tent. Y/N felt like a prisoner among her own family. 

When Catelyn approached her that night, telling her that she needed to get Sansa and Arya back, Y/N had been immediately on board. Anything to feel free again, even if only for a short time. 

Catelyn knew that traveling while with child was especially treacherous, but she also knew that where Jaime went, Y/N would have to follow. She was a Lannister now, pregnant with a Lannister cub. It broke Lady Stark's heart to send her daughter back into the lion's den, but Y/N knew she had no choice. It was expected, and would lead to less conflict. 'From this day until my last day' they had said. 

So, in the dead of night as Robb and the camp slept, Catelyn watched as Brienne's horse led Jaime's out of the camp by a chain, Y/N following on her own. In the pit of her stomach, Catelyn knew that she would never see her eldest daughter again. It was a mother's intuition, and it was painful. Her family was being torn apart before her very eyes, and she was all but feeding Y/N to lions. 

A week into their journey, Y/N knew that Jaime was purposefully being a pain in the arse to inconvenience Brienne. This irritated Y/N to no end. 

Constantly plagued by nausea and forced to sleep on the forest floor, only three dresses in her pack and hardly any chances to bathe, Y/N absolutely loathed Jaime's attitude. She wanted her husband's support and maybe some gratitude for helping him escape. Instead, Y/N got snark and constant sarcasm. Putting Jaime in his place became a common pastime for Y/N. Jaime would never say it aloud, but he absolutely loved it when Y/N would bite back at him. 

Currently, Y/N stared at the rushing river in front of them with hungry eyes, feeling the weeks worth of grime on her skin all the more now that the prospect of a bath dangled in front of her. She knew there was no time, and it took physical restraint not to rush into the cool water. 

Jaime continued to talk, his usual condescending tone light on his words. The tone brought Y/N back to the situation at hand, causing her heart to ache as she thought back to the early days of their marriage, before their world went to shit.

"Cross the bridge and risk being seen by anyone passing by, but cross by water and risk being taken by the current or my escaping down stream." 

Y/N scoffed, "Good luck with that, dear husband. You'd drown and I'm not jumping in to save you. Neither is Brienne." 

Jaime shrugged, smirking. "It's wonderful to watch you struggle with these dilemmas, darling. You're jaw clenches and it's really very endearing." 

Y/N didn't acknowledge Jaime's term of endearment. "The bridge is safer. In the water we risk being overturned with a boat of that size and three people. Again. The water is cold and the current is too strong. It's too dangerous. We'll cross casually and hopefully raise no suspicions." 

Jaime rose an eyebrow, still smirking. "Well, well. The new Lady Lannister, a gambler. The country will have an absolute fit." 

========================= 

Stepping onto the bridge, Brienne took the rear with Y/N at the head. 

The threesome walked briskly before Jaime decided to sit, complaining that he needed to rest. 

Y/N knew exactly what he was playing at and she hoped she could keep him moving. "Jaime, sweet, please. Now is not the time for thi-" 

"I've been on my feet far too long, darling. Corns. I never used to get corns. Of course, I used to ride everywhere." 

Brienne pulled on Jaime's chain, looking around in paranoia. "Get up, now!" 

Y/N was about to speak when Jaime reached and stole Brienne's sword from it's sheath, cutting his weak chain and standing at the defense. 

Brienne was down a sword, but still prepared to fight. She was completely prepared to defeat the Lion of Lannister, but Y/N held a hand up, stopping her.

Brienne paused, hoping that Y/N had not hoped to side with her husband. She wouldn’t be able to hold them both off, unwilling to harm Y/N. Brienne’s  eyes widened in shock as she was proven wrong. 

"Brienne, your sword if you would?" 

Brienne hesitated, as did Jaime. But the knight conceded nervously and Jaime stood his ground. 

Y/N tested the sword in her hands, the hilt feeling at home as it pressed into her palm. Y/N had missed swordplay. Desperately. 

"Stand down, Jaime." 

Y/N's voice was steel, cold and hard. Jaime had never heard her speak that way. Upset? Yes. Broken? More times than he'd like to think about. But the steeled and passive way she spoke now was something Jaime had never heard. 

"Now, now, Y/N. Gambling and threatening your Lord Husband? I thought Starks were honorable?" 

Brienne went to step forward, but Y/N again stopped her. 

"Let me handle this, Brienne. You swore a vow to my mother not to harm him. I swore nothing. Keep watch." 

Y/N could see that Jaime faltered slightly, fighting to keep his cocky facade. 

"You wouldn't kill me. Our wedding was nothing but vows. You did swear."

Husband and wife danced circles around each other, both staying on the defense but neither quite willing to make the first lunge. 

Y/N smirked, Jaime noting just how intimidating the facial expression made her appear. 

"I swore to be yours. I don't remember anything about me swearing to protect you. However, you swore to protect me, did you not? The only one breaking vows here is you, darling." 

Using Jaime's slight hesitation at the mention of their vows, Y/N lunged and attempted to disarm him. Jaime blocked her quickly, eyes hard as he began lunging. 

Now on the defense, Y/N blocked three blows before yet again moving to disarm Jaime. 

Still finding ways to shock her husband, Y/N's expression gave nothing away as they fought. Jaime was pushing his sword down hard onto Y/N's, the steel clashing right in front of her face. 

"Jaime, enough! This is ridiculous!" 

Y/N pushed up with surprising strength and Jaime staggered back. 

Jaime stabbed at Y/N again, his wife stepping back and blocking. "You're right, my love. It's ridiculous that I never knew my wife could fight this well." 

As the pair fought, Brienne stood back, worried about the attention that the fight would draw to them and terrified that the pair would hurt each other. As the fight progressed, the couple grew more and more intense, swinging harder and aiming to injure. 

Stepping back to breathe, Jaime and Y/N stood poised in defence should the other one attack. 

"You're graceful, Y/N. I'll give you that."

Y/N's eyes narrowed. 

"You'll give your life soon if you don't stop acting like a fool, father of my child or not." 

Jaime lunged at her, angry that she would threaten him with their babe, hearing a hiss of pain before he was forced back with a kick to the stomach. 

Y/N was breathing heavily and Jaime's heart dropped painfully when he noticed a shallow cut on her collar bone. He had hurt her. Another vow broken because of his pride. 

"You're a fool." 

Before Jaime could respond to his wife's harsh whisper or even think, Y/N had stepped forward and kicked his legs out from under him, using his distraction to her advantage. 

Jaime landed on his back, the breath stolen from his lungs as he made impact with the ground. Y/N caught his sword before it fell and tossed it over the bridge, her other hand holding the tip of her blade to Jaime's throat. Her grey eyes were ablaze and Jaime knew that he had only experienced true, unadulterated fear of this nature one other time, ten-and-seven years ago when he murdered the Mad King. 

"Do you concede?" 

Before Jaime could even attempt to force words out of his throat, slow clapping came from behind Brienne, and the two women turned quickly. Jaime's eyes remained on his wife. Sword in hand, hair mussed, the sun casting a glow over her lithe form. Had she always looked like such a goddess? Jaime was so enthralled with Y/N that he didn't hear the man address him. 

"Well, looks like your woman has gotten the best of ya." 

Y/N looked to the flayed man of House Bolton flying on their banners and tensed. She remained composed, years of lessons coming back to her as she held herself as a lady should. At least, as regal as one could look while holding a sword to their husband's throat. 

"Yes, well, passion and anger make for weak swordplay." She didn't lower her sword and Brienne felt defenseless without her own weapon. 

The man at the head smirked, appraising Y/N, eyes raking over her body. Jaime's jaw ticked angrily. 

"What's your name, love?" 

Y/N, quick and calm as a Stark should always be, responded smoothly.

"Alessandra Snow. I was a handmaiden at the Stark camp." 

The man laughed heartily, his men laughing with him. "Don't take me for a fool, Lady Y/N. I'd recognize The Flower of House Stark anywhere. Little Lyanna. Your brother's been lookin' for ya." 

Y/N ground her teeth at the nickname, not bothering to cover for her lie or even apologize. Her gaze remained level with his until his eyes shifted. 

Tilting his head to look at the man behind her, the man’s smirk grew. "And that makes you Jaime Lannister. Just the man we need." 

Jaime stood, stepping in front of Y/N. She didn't continue to point her sword at him. 

"Let us be. My father will give you whatever you want." 

Y/N rolled her eyes, looking to Brienne to find a similar, painfully annoyed expression on the knight's face. Her jaw clenched as she looked to Jaime, knowing that he was completely serious. Almost four-and-ten and still calling on his father's money to get him out of tight situations. 

The Bolton man scoffed, "Enough for a new head? If the King in the North hears that I had the Kingslayer and his sister and then let them go, he'd cut it right off." 

Y/N's eyes hardened and she raised her sword, but she didn't remain on the defensive for long as they were all seized. Jaime had grabbed her wrist, stopping her from fighting, his eyes focused on her stomach. Y/N's eyes were still ablaze with fury when she looked at her husband, on her knees in front of the Bolton bannermen. 

 "I'd rather he takes yours."