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bumirang · 3 years

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Turtle, Duck, Dragon, Horse: Ch. 8 excerpt

It’s a chilly afternoon when Bumi sits in on Hana’s worst training session since she arrived at Air Temple Island.

Under Jinora’s supervision, she and six other novitiates were walking the circle in a coordinated effort to create a sphere of solid wind nearly twice her height. Intimidating, but she’d managed it before. She actually wasn’t doing too terribly, until she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. Maybe it was excitement or performance anxiety or just the distraction, but that’s when it all went wrong. She immediately fell out of step with the others, but the more she tried to correct for it, the more unstable their formation became, until the sphere was a roiling squall-ball they were struggling just to contain.

Master Jinora stepped forward and summoned a gust with thought alone. “That’s, uh, impressive, but if you’ll slow down and back away, I can safely disper—”

Then it exploded, with a roar like a thunderclap in reverse. Thankfully, they were shielded from the worst of it by a barrier whipped up by their teacher, but it was a close thing.

Hana’s ears are still ringing when she makes in Bumi’s direction, ignoring the accusatory glances from her fellow novitiates. It’s obvious to all of them who messed things up, but they can’t prove anything, so whatever. Bumi, in contrast, just waves happily, absentmindedly petting Bum-Ju on his shoulder.

She stops five feet away from him and plants her hands on her hips. “What’re you doing here?”

“Hi to you, too,” he replies, slightly offended.

“Sorry, that sounded… I mean, did you need me for something?”

“Nope.”

“So, what, you popped by to watch me be a screw-up?”

“Well, I like to get a feel for where the newbies’re at. Didn’t think you’d be out with ‘em.”

She deflates a bit. “You saw how hopeless I am. I’ll be stuck with the newbies forever at this rate.”

“Nooo, no… Your bending’s just, uh, chaotic.” His smile is wide but not very convincing. Oh no. He’s trying to be nice. Her face burns at the realization. Pity is the last thing she wants from him, of all people.

He continues, “Form was great, though. Right, buddy?” He glances at the dragonfly-bunny, who shrugs. “Yeah, he thinks so, too.”

“…Thanks.” She stares past him, at the ground, wishing she were anywhere else. At the same time, Bumi’s easily her favorite person on Air Temple Island, and it’s usually such a treat being the focus of his attention. If only she could be anything other than a pathetic misfit in his eyes.

He puts a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, kid, don’t get hung up on it. We’ll figure it out.” His voice has gone all serious, worried.

“You don’t have to… be nice to me.”

“…Huh?”

“Because you feel sorry for me. I don’t want…” She feels her eyes flood with hot tears. In a panic, she slaps a hand over her face, harder than she intended. “Ow.”

Bumi clears his throat and calls over her head, across the courtyard, “Hey, Jinora, gonna steal Hana for a bit!”

“Oh, we’re all done!” she calls back, sounding less rattled than she probably feels. “No theft required.”

“Great! Seeya at dinner!” His hand slides down to Hana’s arm, sending a wave of goosebumps shivering along her shoulders and neck. She almost jumps when he mutters into her ear, “I know a good place to talk. No lookie-loos.”

Then they’re hurtling through the air, and she forgets about her shame for a sweet thirty seconds. His grip on her arm is firm, but she latches onto him anyway. Just survival instinct, she reminds herself, as she hears him laugh with her ear against his chest. He wraps an arm around her then, and she feels safer than she ever did on the ground.

Bumi sets them down in a little grassy clearing on the eastern edge of the island. It’s not far from one of his favorite places to have class, but without any obvious paths to it, you’d have to survey the island from the air to even know it exists. Or just know its layout like the back of your hand. It’s late afternoon, leaving most of it in the shade from nearby trees. What sunlight there is glows gold on dead grass. Framed by two stunted trees jutting from the cliff’s edge is the skyline of Republic City, painted gold as the grass. Bumi pulls a little ta-dah pose in front of it, which gets a smile out of her.

“That’s more like it,” he says, wearing his own smug grin. “Now what was that about you not wanting me to be nice?”

“I just meant…” She grasps at the air, like the words she needs to complete her thought are buzzing around her. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to go out of your way. For me.” It seems like a moot point now.

“Why not you?”

“I’m not cut out for this. You’re wasting your time.”

He laughs softly to himself and crosses his arms. For a moment, Hana’s terrified that he might be mocking her, but when he looks back up at her, his eyes are kind, and a little sad. “I know how ya feel,” he says with a shrug.

“How could you poss—”

Bumi just raises an eyebrow at her, and she slaps her hand over her face again. It stings worse than the first time, but she figures she deserves that.

“Fu— Nngh! I’m such an—” Hana drops down onto her haunches, holding her throbbing face in both hands. Maybe with enough pressure, she can shove the tears and snot back where they belong. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.”

She hears him sit down across from her. “M’not mad, kid. Like I said, I’ve been where you are. More or less.” She steals a glance at him, seated maybe a foot away and wearing the city itself like his own personal aura. “I see you busting your ass to do what comes so easy to others, and I know what that does to ya. Shame and doubt. Anger. A lot of anger. It can make ya feel worthless…”

She nods and eases into a cross-legged sit, mirroring him.

“S’not true, though. Everyone’s worth something. You’re worth a lot. Trust me, I’ve got an eye for talent.” Bum-Ju, who’s been hovering at a respectful distance, picks that moment to park himself on her head. “See? So does he.”

Hana wipes her runny nose, trying to hide it at first, but Bumi’s expression is so genuinely affable that she feels silly for thinking he might judge her. He’s on her side. A goopy face won’t change that. For lack of better options, she wipes up with a sleeve.

Hands dry, she reaches up, tentatively, to pet the dragonfly-bunny. “Is it okay if I…?”

“That’s up to him.”

The spirit doesn’t flee at her touch. In fact, he leans into it. She gasps as she runs her fingers through his fur, which is easily the softest, silkiest texture she’s ever felt, like yarn spun from cloudstuff. To her surprise, he gives a happy little chirrup and plops into her lap, landing on his back.

“He says to tell you he wants belly rubs.”

“Heh. Okay.” Petting Bum-Ju is supremely soothing, like lemonade on a summer’s day. His quiet little chirps merge and blend into a purr, and she smiles again. How could she not?

“It… It’s humiliating. I knew training wasn’t gonna be easy, but this is like being a little kid all over again.” She runs a finger along the edge of one of the spirit’s strange insectoid wings. Like the fur, it doesn’t feel entirely substantial. “I was supposed to be an earthbender, y’know.”

“Yeah? Says who?”

“…My dad.”

“Hah! Ain’t that always the way?”

“Heh…”

“You don’t give me earthbender vibes at all. You’re too… squishy.”

Her head shoots up to glare at him, and she notices how the sunlight’s shifted since they arrived. Twilight’s creeping up fast. “Did you just call me squishy?”

She’s caught him off-guard, and he blushes at the unflattering implications of such a word choice. “That’s to say… Well, the way rocks aren’t, right? Does that make sense?”

“No…?”

“You’re, I dunno, airy.”

“So I’m squishy like air…?”

Bumi runs a hand through his hair in actual frustration. “Forget I said you were squishy!” He looks relieved when she giggles and clues him into her teasing.

“My point being,” she continues blithely, “I may be the worst airbender here, but I had no earth talent whatsoever. Dad was not pleased. I never even wanted to do it, except to please him.”

“Sorry.”

“I have a little brother, though, and he’s brilliant with earth. Stone, glass, metal. You name it. Guess it worked out for Dad in the end, but I always… Even though it was crazy, I always wanted to fly. Not in an airship, but like the birds do. It never seemed fair.” She winces at how naive that sounds. “After Harmonic Convergence, I thought, y’know, finally. This is who I’m supposed to be.” Sympathy fills the lines around Bumi’s eyes and mouth, and she looks back down at the fuzzy spirit in her lap. She gives him some experimental chin scritches, which seem to go over well. “But it’s been more than three months now, and I’m still… I’m just a screw-up.”

“You’re the best teaching assistant I’ve ever had.”

Hana blinks. “Aren’t I the only one you’ve ever had?”

“Nah, I used to spend summers teaching new recruits arts ‘n’ crafts.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Says somebody who has no idea how boring it can get on a tour of duty! Keeping your hands busy staves off Sea Madness. And fistfights… Well, that is until somebody badmouths another guy’s macramé. I’ve been called as a witness at some crazy court martials, lemme tell ya.”

“I… Wow, okay. I guess you’d know.”

“And before I forget, let’s get one thing clear,” says Bumi, leaning forward and pointing right in her face. “I like being around you. Aren’t we friends?”

What’s the appropriate response to that? “You… friend… with me?” Well, it’s definitely not that. “I guess I didn’t… I thought you were just trying to figure me out. What’s wrong with me, I mean.”

“That, too, but hey! We have fun, right?”

“Yeah?”

“There ya go! Friends!”

She laughs. She can’t help it. Seeing the way Bumi’s face lights up only makes her laugh harder. Bum-Ju launches clear of her lap as she doubles over. Collapsed on the grass, she finally admits, “Okay! We’re friends! I guess!”

“So…” Only when she sees his shoulders relax does Hana realize how tense he’s been this whole time. “You always wanted to fly, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. More than anything. Thought I could grow up to be a bird if I put in the effort, but I was forced to develop an overactive imagination instead.”

“Sounds like a fun story.”

She pushes herself back into a sitting position and picks bits of grass out of her hair. She could do with a trim, now that she’s thinking about it. “Not a whole lot to tell. I was basically a toddler, and I don’t remember much.”

“Yeah?” Bumi’s grinning at her. He grins a lot, to be fair, but he has a different style for every occasion. Goofball, smart-ass, encouraging, nervous, and so on. This is a pure look of amused contentment, just for her. It makes her feel all gooey inside, but in a nice way, no snot involved.

“Hm. Well, okay. Mom did tell me about one time she found me eating worms out of the garden.”

“Hah! What’d it taste like?”

“Slimy dirt, probably? I only know it happened from Mom. Like I said, toddler.”

Bumi scratches his neck and looks off to the side, like he’s debating something with himself, then says, “I jumped off cliffs a lot.”

“Wow. Dark.”

“Into the water! Got pretty good at climbing. Diving, too, but that’s just, y’know, falling with style.”

“Umbrellas.” He looks at her expectantly, eyes glittering like chips of ice. They might be the palest she’s ever seen, and if they aren’t the most beautiful, they’re definitely in the top five. That’s a strange thought. Despite his age, he’s actually quite handsome. In fact, the wrinkles themselves emphasize his features in a way she didn’t realize she appreciated until just now. They tell a story of a life well-lived.

A quirk of his eyebrows reminds her that she’s in the middle of a conversation, during which she’s just said “umbrellas” and stared at him for ten seconds.

“W-well. Um. I saw this character in a storybook who flew around with an umbrella, so I found the biggest one I could and ran down the street, screaming my head off the whole time.” Hana feels herself blush at the admission. “That part seemed important for some reason. I was, like, five.”

“How’d that go?”

“As I recall, I broke the umbrella, and several people called the cops. They thought I was escaping from a murderer or something. Can’t imagine why.”

Bumi just laughs. Hana revels in it until he quiets enough to keep telling him embarrassing things about herself.

“Then there was the time I spent a month collecting loose feathers around my neighborhood and stuffed them all in my shirt,” she says, with a bit of added pantomime. “Was gonna jump out the apartment window, but I chickened out.”

“So… it worked?”

“Shut up. You are horrible, and I hate you now.”

“Minus 57 points for disrespecting your elder.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault they dress me like a giant baby.” She tugs at a corner of the scarlet shawl sewn around the shoulders of her standard-issue Air Nomad pajamas. They both snicker.

Then Bumi sits up straight like he’s been struck by lightning. “I got it!”

“Hm?”

“A wingsuit. Try one on!”

“That’s not really allowed unless you’ve qualified, though.”

“Eh, if you get in trouble, I’ll smooth it over,” he says with a little hand wave. “It could be just the confidence boost you need to get over whatever mental block is tripping you up.” He gestures at his own outfit. “Think about it. The right uniform can totally change how you see yourself. And I should know.”

“That’s a good point, but…” Hana shrugs and makes various non-committal noises. What she doesn’t mention is her discomfort at the snugness of the wingsuit’s fit. As ridiculous as the pajamas look on her, they’re at least loose and comfortable. Squeezing into a skintight flight suit to practice—probably clumsily as ever—is just another humiliation waiting to happen. It does give her an idea, though.

“Remember when I told you how I’ve had a bit of Kyoshi Warrior training?” she asks with a little smirk.

“I remember you not flipping me, even after I asked nicely.”

“Well, I might still have my fan lying around somewhere…”

#text #bumi ii #lok bumi #lok fanfic #fanfic #tddh #oc hana #hana #hanumi #yes i'm shipping bumi with my oc fight me

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sinnamonn · 3 years

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Welcome to Hell Ch2. “Meet Mammon”

Gia meets their new guard demon, “Mammon”. It does not go well. Also because this is my fic and I can do whatever I want Obey me is now in the same universe as It’s Always Sunny.

Word count: 1.7 K

The demon pointed an accusatory finger at the redhead.

Gia resisted the urge to bite it right off.

“Listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once!” He barked, “If you value your life then you’ll hand over all your money now! And anything else of value!”

Was this guy for real!? This bitchass was trying to rob them!? Oh hell no, Gia was not going to get robbed by some twink that still used fucking axe body spray!!

“Otherwise I’ll wipe that—“

“Fuck that and fuck you!” Gia yelled, cutting the demon off mid-threat, “Listen here, asshole, I’m not getting robbed by some twink!”

“Who’re you callin’ a twink!?”

“You, dumbass!”

“You don’t know what you’re dealin’ with, little bitch.” He spat, snarling down at them. Gia only bit back,

“I’m dealin’ with a punkass that’s about to get their shit rocked!”

“Mammon! Shut up or I’ll punch you!” Lucifer snapped, “And Gia, language!”

And then Lucifer just punched Mammon, causing him to stumble back a bit while gripping his head.

“GAH, OW! Hey, what’s the big idea!?” Mammon whined, “I thought you were actually gonna give me a chance to shut up before punching me!”

Satan gestured to his older brother, “Gia, meet Mammon, Avatar of Greed. He oversees all forms of it,” he explained, “whenever he takes a liking to someone they suddenly find themselves awash in money.”

“And he’s a masochist, that part’s important~!” Asmo added, “So I can’t wait to see you put him in his place some more!”

Ok. Ew. Gia didn’t need to know that.

“I didn’t need to know that.” Gia replied flatly.

“And it just so happens I have a job for my masochist of a brother.”Lucifer stated, only to be cut off again by Mammon.

“Quit tellin’ lies! I ain’t asked for that punch and I ain’t a masochist!”

“Mammon, you are going to be charged with seeing to this human’s needs during the exchange.” Lucifer ordered, “I expect your full cooperation.”

“WHAT!?” Both Gia and Mammon yelled at the elder demon.

“Wha!? Why me!?” Mammon exclaimed.

“Yeah, why him!? He literally just tried to rob me!” Gia argued.

“As, lucky you, Mammon! I’m so jealous.” Asmo pouted.

“Then you take them!”

Wait no, Gia got the feeling staying with Asmo might just be worse than Mammon.

“Huh? Hell no. Watching them match your energy is too funny.” He replied quickly.

“You just said you were jealous!” Mammon all but screeched.

“Just give up Mammon. There’s no getting out of this.” Satan looked at though he was holding back laughter, “You know you can’t deny a direct order from Lucifer.”

“But why me!? Why can’t Beel do it?” He whined

“If we hand Gia over to Beel we might as well just tell him to eat them.” Asmo said, now scrolling through his DDD.

“Yeah, I can’t promise I wouldn’t.” Beel agreed.

“...Mammon?” Lucifer asked lowley , his tone was dangerous.

“W-What?”

“Surely you’re not going to tell me you object to this arrangement, are you?”

For the first time, during his introduction, Mammon was quiet. He only held a sour look on his face before loudly groaning, “Ugh, I hate you guys! Fine, I’ll do it, ok!?” His attention turned back to Gia, “As much as I don’t wanna look after you, I’ve got no choice. It’s a huge pain in the ass and I’m too important for this kind of thing.”

Sure buddy, keep telling yourself that.

“But Lucifer told me to do it, so I will. But in return you better not cause me any trouble, got it?!”

Gia took back what she first thought of Mammon. He was worse than the high school boys that got stupidly mad when you didn’t stand for the pledge.

“If you can stay off my dick,” Gia sneered, “we might have a deal.”

“Fine by me, human. Just don’t forget whose boss around here.” Mammon shot back.

“Now that that’s settled,” Lucifer cut in before Gia could say anything else, “Mammon, show them to the house and try not to kill each other.”

‘No promises.’ Gia thought, reluctantly following Mammon out of the hell.

———

That lack of depth perception was really biting Gia in the ass. They felt more like a bird trying to escape a hall of mirrors, bumping into and bouncing off of walls. It also didn’t help that Mammon was practically speedwalking away from them.

“Oi! Human! Would ya pick up the pace, we don’t got all night!” He shouted over his shoulder.

“Oh sorry! Lemme just pop my eye back in and magically gain perfect vision!” They sarcastically called back, “OH WAIT! I can’t!”

Mammon stopped mid-step before turning on his heel and striding over to Gia.

“Wait...you’re missing an eye?” He questioned.

Oh great, was he gonna do that mock-sympathy schick they got more than enough back in their world?

“Damn, Lucifer couldn’t even get a human with all their parts!” He cackled, clenching his gut, as if this were the funniest thing in the world, “He had to grab some broken fucking human! That’s hilarious! ”

Broken....

Did he really just call them BROKEN?

Gia saw red, their lip pulled back into a venomous snarl. How fucking dare he! They were a lot of things but broken was not one of them.

“Oh, I’ll show you broken!”

The redhead kicked the demon’s kneecaps with all this might.

“OW! YOU BITCH!”

Satan and Asmodeus watched as the two left for the House of Lamentation, absolutely transfixed on the two’s interaction. It was like one of Asmodeus’ trashy reality tv shows came to life, neither of them could look away.

“Uh, Lucifer, they’re already fighting.” Satan said, earning a groan from the eldest. Lucifer could feel a migraine coming on, a bad one.

“Oh my god the human just kicked Mammon’s kneecaps!” Asmo laughed, he was recording the entire interaction, “Oh he’s mad!”

“Shit, do I need to intervene?” He asked with only mild concern.

“Hmm, maybe..” Satan watched as Mammon grabbed for Gia, “wait, no he’s just carrying them back to the house.”

————

“PUT ME DOWN!” Gia beat on the demons back, “This is demeaning!”

“Just be happy that the Great Mammon was kind enough to help you!” Mammon shot back, “If you think this is demeaning then imagine how I feel! Why should I have to look after some human !?”

“ Um,bitch, I got isekaied to hell without my consent and now I’m stuck with a bunch of rich boys who reek of ‘I peaked in high school’!”

Mammon gasped, “I did not peak! The Great Mammon only goes up!I’m practically a golden god!”

Why did they feel like they heard that somewhere before? Maybe...back home? Oh shit yeah, Mammon talked exactly like this one guy who owned a bar they’d always go to when they were bored. Wasn’t his name Denny or something?

“And just so we’re clear,” Mammon continued, “it’s not like I can’t say no to Lucifer, okay!?”

Gia didn’t ask.

“I only agreed to babysit you because, um...Well you know, because…...uh…”

“It’s ok, take your time.” Gia said

“Grr! It doesn’t matter! Just don’t go thinking I’m scared of Lucifer or anything! Because I’m not!” He snapped.

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Mammon finally put them down when the two got to the house.

Gia whistled, taking in just how...elegant? No, elegant wasn’t the word they were looking for? A better way to describe the house would probably be maximalist. When they entered they were met with a double stairway accented by two gigantic gargoyle statues. Purple wallpaper clung to the walls littered with paintings of people, Allistar Crowley being the only one Gia recognized.

“This is the House of Lamentation. It’s one of the dorms here at RAD.” Mammon explained, stepping forward, “Well, it's not just one of the dorms. It’s the dorm reserved for student council members….and you I guess.” Mammon prattled on, mostly about himself, “Lucifer, Asmo, and the others take every chance they can get to insult me. Callin’ me scum, sayin’ I’m a money- grabber and stuff…..”

Gia was really only half paying attention, they opted rather to try and figure out who the other people in the photos were. Cultists, perhaps?

“...In other words, I’m a big shot. A real big shot. Like, even other big shots are impressed by—hey are you even listening!?”

“Hm? Sorry, what? I got distracted by the pictures.” Gia gestured loosely to the walls.

Mammon growled, “I was just saying, don’t you go thinkingI’m just some ordinary demon. I’m nothing like those other peons walking the halls here.”

“Ok, cool. Figured as much.” Gia shrugged

“So I suggest-wait what?”

“I figured all of you were pretty powerful, why else would Diavolo leave me with all of you? Demons eat humans, so you put the human with your most powerful and loyal demons as protectors.” Gia elaborated, “So that implies that you’re the most trustworthy and capable of this task, right? Even if you did..try to rob me. But why else would Lucifer and the rest of your brothers leave me in your care?”

Mammon stared wide-eyed down at Gia, they could practically see the gears turning in his head—wait did his cheeks get darker?

He turned around before Gia could really tell, “Well-I’m—I mean!—Duh, of course the Great Mammon is capable!!” He sputtered, “B-But don’t think flattery is getting you anywhere! You’re still just some stupid human!”

“I wasn’t trying to, it’s just logic.”

“SHUT UP. Just-! Let’s just go to your room, OK!?”

Instead of lugging Gia over his shoulder, Mammon instead grabbed their wrist and began dragging them up the stairs, avoiding looking at them.

“Ow! Fine! Lay off the dragging, though!”

Gia’s room was cottagecore as fuck. That was the only way they could best describe it. The room looked like it had been taken out of a fairytale book, it wasn’t exactly Gia’s style but they could appreciate the aesthetic. Objectively, the room was very pretty. That idea was hammered in the more Gia explored it.

It was bigger than the apartment they shared with their mom. In truth, it was more like a closet that somehow fit a bed and dresser.

“Holy shit this bed is soft.” Gia commented once they flopped onto the comforter, “And these pillows! They’re not flat! I forgot they could be fluffy.”

“Oi, human, I got some advice for you,” Mammon leaned over the bed, “ If you wanna survive even a day here in the Devildom, you’d better listen real close to what I’m about to say.”

“Aight.” Gia turned their attention back to the demon.

“If it ever looks like a demon is about to attack you..run. Either that, or die.” Mammon said grimly.

“That’s...Honestly not the worst advice I’ve ever gotten.” They replied.

“How about I vote you to die, Mammon!”

Gia jumped at the new voice, shooting up out of the bed and looking towards the door frame. There stood a pissed off looking guy with purple hair, glaring daggers at Mammon

“AH..! Levi…!” Mammon exclaimed.

#🏩self insert🏩#self ship #🖤 romantic #mammon💵🪶🤑#obey me fic #obey me shall we date #self insert writing

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acciostorian · 4 years

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mae reads the kane chronicles: the serpent’s shadow the red pyramid

(aka we see mae go through many emotions in the space of 2-3 days)

holy fuck ive only got to the contents and the chapters have those classic pjo click bait titles i’m so happy rn

WAIT IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT- the serpent’s shadow is the THIRD BOOK. uh-oh i almost fucked this whole series over lemme change the book real quick....

i’m literally on the first page and i’ve already been sent on a mission, so the kanes are THOSE bitches

SADIE AND KANE ARE BRITISH???? omg yes please

THEYRE IN LONDON MY HOME

never fucking mind they’re from LA

oh wait sadie was raised as a british kid. that’s very sexy of her.

carter be like, “you wouldn’t be interested in my dad’s lectures.” SHUT UP CARTER I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT EGYPTIAN PUNISHMENT

so sadie was raised in east london???? THATS SO SEXC BECAUSE ME TOO BOO

sadie has a british accent. a b r i t i s h a c c e n t.

FIT

“six years in london and she thinks she’s james bond” LMAO

sadie’s so emo/alt i love it. does rick always write his characters like this??

sadie pronounces it “mum” and carter says “mom”

it’s so refreshing to read mum ngl

sadie said bloke omg

i’m feeling carter’s pain. little sisters are shits and honestly sadie has the same vibes as my little sister and me and carter are quite similar. i hate this.

oh wow they really said sadie was too white for their family...

sadie did not HESITATE to be like, “yeah dad we’ll lock that guy in his office. mint.”

sadie telling the story is an experience

sadie said “maths” and “mates” in the same sentence. this is some refreshing shit.

sadie’s friends saying carter is hot is fucking hilarious. like it’s a classic piss-off to thirst over your mate’s sibling

THEYRE GETTING DEPORTED????

LMAO AMOS WAS LIKE, “yeah we don’t talk about manhattan. they’ve got their own problems. *cough percy jackson cough*”

i read thoth the god of knowledge as thot the god of knowledge

carter is right, amos has undeniable swag

philip of macedonia. the crocodile. cool.

i love how the greeks and romans be like “if we don’t honour the gods we’ll get SLAUGHTERED” and the egyptians are like “you know what? fuck the gods me and my homies hate the gods”

sadie kane would stab you in a back alley and dance to mcr as you bled to death and carter kane would take you to a museum, tell you everything about everything and then commit a terrorist attack

amos really went “don’t touch anything, the cats in charge and peace out bitches” and then fucking jumped off the balcony of his five storey mansion

sadie made that door go BANG

that fucking clay statue came to life and not one of them screamed. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF.

i’m giggling, all the greek/roman gods have really long/scary/cool sounding names like tartarus and chaos and nyx but the evilest guy in egyptian myth is called set. S E T.

please make muffin some crazy badass animal like crookshanks or swiftwind.

WHO DARES THROW HANDS WITH PHILIP?????

THE SHABTI FUCKING STOLE AN ARTEFACT THATS AMAZING

i love carter sm, even tho he’s scared as fuck he still picked up that ancient sword and was like “ig i’ll bash some heads in whilst sadie holds the cat”

MUFFIN JUST TURNED INTO SOME WARRIOR CAT LADY AND SHE INSTANTLY GAVE ME CATRA VIBES

every cat in new york is helping them

bast jacked that car like it was nobody’s business

i used to think the greek gods were stupid for having so many things to control but honestly the egyptians are taking the piss, do you really need a whole scorpion goddess?

the kane siblings are written so well. like i actually BELIEVE they’re siblings

i think carters gonna become a comfort character now... like i relate on another level. little siblings always take the spot light and you have to act level headed and calm because the younger ones start shit and you’re like “i gotta be the good one because my family would fall to shit if i didn’t behave.” so big kudos to carter, i love you

so carter’s a king huh? I DIDNT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT RICK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS

zia was like “king tut?? ugh he was such a boy, there were waaaaay cooler tombs out there x x”

i read “nectanebo II” as “nintendo II” and i was like ??? when was that a thing

i drinking camomile tea whilst reading this and i feel so peaceful uwu

sadie really can do magic like THAT like bitch be like “i just copied what zia did and yeah it worked lol”

okay so i’m sorta feeling bad about sadies life rn but i’m still very pro carter

set’s laugh makes me uncomfortable. because when most villains laugh it’s usually described like “their laugh was like a knife, cold and sharp. i hates it.” but when sadie discribed set’s laugh she was like “it was warm and friendly. beautiful.” LIKE AAAA THATS A RED LIGHT

set: the god of theatre because gods dam is he a good actor

sadie saw some hot emo guy and was like “omg marry me”

iskandar be like “lmao imma speak in alexandria greek all the time but this girl bouta die? i switch to perfect english for dramatic effect”

woooOooaaaah SLOW DOWN THERE BUDDY, tongue tattoos???

zia: you guys will probably suck at this at first but oh well we all can’t be great

sadie: *makes fire first time* wooosh

sadie and kane: *doing cool shit* me and my tea: sluuuurrrp

bast is so sassy i love it

me when it’s a sadie chapter: okay ig :/

me when it’s a carter chapter: HOLY SHIT CARTER HEY OMG YOURE DOING CRAZY STUFF???? COOL. i love you.

bast: so yeah, you’d be stupid to teleport to paris, this is desjardin’s home territory

sadie and kane, lying in the streets of paris: oh cool cool

sadie: like i might die rn but i don’t care, as long as it doesn’t get filmed and put in youtube, that would be embarrassing

like ???? sis get your priorities together smh

sadie: *sees hot emo guy again in her spirit adventure, he hints that’s he’s dead or something*

also sadie: so will i see you again?

“no, an egyptian drink. you’ve heard of hot chocolate? this is rather like hot vanilla.” dam now i want some.

carter is an amazing older brother. he’s written perfectly and he’s a great character to relate to for me. even though sadie can make his blood boil, he dropped everything to calm her down when she was panicking about not being able to change back from a bird. i too have to do that for my little sister - sadie and ava are ironically the same age - so i find that very comforting that there is someone like me to relate to!

‘a businessman with a rolling suitcase was waiting by the doors. his eyes widened when he saw me. i must’ve looked pretty strange — a tall black kid in dirty, ragged egyptian clothes, with a weird box tucked under one arm and a bird of prey perched on the other.

‘“how’s it going?” i said. “i’ll take the stairs.” he hurried off.’ LMAO THIS IS WHY CARTER BABY I LOVE YOU

highkey pissed that carters like “i’m always edgy around the police. once i turned eleven they started giving me the Look. when it doesn’t happen it’s always a pleasant surprise.” LIKE FUCK NO HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND UNHASSLED WHATS WRONG WITH HIM

lmao bast be like “imma jump off this national monument. see ya at the airport in my finest clothes and jewellery x”

FOOD UPDATE: i’m eating a chocolate covered waffles and having some tea and i feel so happy rn sorry i know you don’t care but like aaaaaaa

bast called carter her little tomcat and my heart exploded

bast really likes convertibles huh

thoth: i hate rereading my old writing, my present self would never write like this now!! SOMEONE GET ME A RED PEN

are they... are they going to dig up elvis presley?

might put some elvis in for this part, y’know, to set the mood?

i cant stop reading ‘thoth’ as thot even though i know how to pronounce it

the captain with a axe for a head: my name is bloodstained battle axe 😸

yuh bast did some shit ...

imma stop now because spoilers, GO READ THE KANE CHRONICLES THEY ARE THE MOST UNDERRATED RIORDANVERSE BOOKS X X

#the kane chronicles #tkc #carter kane #sadie kane #tkc bast #mae waffles #rick riordan #riordanverse #did someone say queued?

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bloodshot-interactive · 4 years

Text

Our Love is Nothing but a Game

A one-shot drabble about how Bliss and Madison’s breakup went down. Be warned of implied sexual themes

Story under the cut

The Grand Metropolis skyline illuminated brightly with pride throughout the late night sky as the motorcycle sped ahead of the other vehicles on the road. Madison was clearly upset as he drove his way to a bar. Not only does he like and want to drink, but it was also his way to cope, to let loose and clear out whatever was holding him back.

Speaking off holding back.

He got reminded of what happened earlier…

Flashback a few hours…

As Madison returned to a cheap hotel from his gig, the entire suite was quiet. He assumed Bliss was already asleep so he walked further to the living room calling for Bliss that he was home. No response. The only noise was a cheesy old sitcom on TV.

“Come on, Bliss…” he muttered under his breath as he picked up the remote from the table and turned off the TV. He walked over the only bedroom in the suite.

Bliss wasn’t sleeping. She wasn’t there at all. The only things left lying about on the bed was a small note and a banquet of pink and red roses. The raven’s brow was raised as he picked up the note and read it.

“Sorry Maddie. It’s time we move on...” followed by a kiss mark…

End flashback...

He sighed, rolling his eyes as he parked in front of the bar. He took off his sunglasses, and stuffed it inside his leather jacket before walking inside. ‘Don’t worry about that, just have fun…’ he thought to himself.

Everyone at the bar is living lively, having a chill time talking, laughing and dancing, lights dimmed purple, magenta and blue. Madison sat down at the barstool and waved at the squirrel tending the bar.

“Gimme a glass of whiskey, extra ice” he ordered to the squirrel, and with that they were quickly right on it as requested. They slid the drink over to Madison as he caught it. Taking a small sip of the drink, the bird smiled. Cold. Exactly how he liked it.

As the raven turned around to watch everyone having a good time, he saw a couple making out in the corner, and another pair leaving the bar, happily drunk, holding onto each other for dear life and giggling at whatever. He sighed, leaning back on the counter, taking another sip. He really wished it was him….and Bliss.

There's a sudden faint floral smell in the room. That fragrance was all too familiar to him. Putting his drink down, he hopped off the barstool to follow it.

Is that really who I think this is?

That can’t be. Right?

The floral smell got stronger and warmer as he stood at the round table staring directly at who it belonged to. Madison’s eyes widened. Heart skipping a beat.

It was her.

“Bliss?”

As the moth was in the middle of her waiting daze, surrounding herself in heavy pink smoke from her e-cigarette, she turned to the voice belonging to the familiar raven. She tilted her head and gave him an unnoticeable, fake smile, her small, crimson sunglasses gave off a shine from the dimmed multicolored lights.

“Ohh, hi, Maddie! I didn’t think you’d find me here of all places. What brings you here?”

Madison folded his arms and glanced away at the silk moth. “Ah ya know, just trying to let loose, meeting new people, just vibing… ya know?” He chuckled sheepishly, hiding the fact by how hurt he was. He’s having the urge to ask her a question, biting his lower beak.

Bliss chuckled softly, taking a drag of her e-cig. She then blew out more smoke as she spoke, “That's good to hear. You deserve to vibe after all that hard wor—“

“So what’s up with the note?”

The moth’s antennae flicked at the sudden question from the raven. She switched her e-cig off and stuffed it into her hot pink purse. “Excuse me?”

Madison’s voice was a bit firm, held out his hands for gesture as he leaned a bit forward, “The note! And flowers on the bed. You left me!” his arms drooped down in a bit of defeat “Why? I thought our relationship was strong.”

“The note…” the silk moth thought for a moment with a mutter, “Oh right, the note! Yeeeaah, about that” she pushed her sunglasses down a bit, her pitched black eyes staring up at the bird. She clearly has no pupils but Madison can tell she was looking at him. “I got bored. So I left.”

“Bored…?” He muttered monotonously in question

“Yup” she laid back on the cushioned seat, one leg over the other, giving the raven a cold smirk, “honestly, I never actually loved you. I only wanted you for your money, but it seems like you have nothing left on you after you waved goodbye to that degenerate gang of yours. You really believed that our love lasted that long?”

“I DID!!” The raven’s yelling caught everyone’s attention to the former couple. They all stopped talking and everything they were doing, even the music came to a halt. All eyes are on them now. It made Bliss flinch quite a bit but it didn’t bother Madison none.

His feathers bristled, leather gloved hands clinched to fists, “You think our relationship is a game to you?! I put so much effort on my love for you! I gave you everything you wanted!!”

Madison’s brows furrowed with the sign of confusion and anger but didn’t break eye contact with Bliss. The poor guy was heartbroken. “Bliss! I loved you!!”

The silk moth frowned and turned away, crossing her arms impatiently. No response.

“I spent most of my money on a fancy dinner, an amusement park, the goddamned movie theatre! And on top of that, I ditched my fucking gang so I can spend more time with you while on a solo gig!” Madison facepalmed at the last thing he’s ever done. That was the biggest mistake on his part.

“My boss is gonna want me dead by now…!”

Bliss turned back to Madison, a sultry, cat like smirk returned to her face, “That's good! Dirt cheap men like you deserved it. Anyone I touch will suffer beautifully. And you’re one of them. I can see it on your pathetic little face...” her dangerous smile grew wide.

The raven was disgusted by her statement, “So you want me dead after everything we had together?! Are...are you fuckin’ hearing yourself right now??”

“Nope.” The silk moth got up, snatching her overcoat and purse off the seat, “I honestly don’t have time to deal with you right now. You men are nothing but sorry excuses who don’t know to treat a lady. It’s over between us. At least there’s someone else out there with better class!” As soon as she’s out of her seat, she sees someone calling her name. Her wings fluttered as she flew quickly away from the bird, calling out sweetly to the one bulky grey wolf. “Big Daddy~!”

Madison looked on at his ex and that wolf in disbelief.

“Aye, there’s my lil’ Creme Puff! Sorry I took so long, hadda take care of some business.” the wolf gave the moth a toothy smile, gently squeezing at her ass with a hug. He then took a look at a confused Madison across from him. “That bird botherin’ ya?”

Bliss’s gloved claws gliding elegantly, at the wolf’s broad chest, nonexistent hues staring pleadingly at him, “Oh Big Daddy~ indeed~! That mean ol’ bird won’t leave me alone!” She pushed herself against him, “Please, Big Daddy, make him stop!” As her silky, seductive voice and wanton touch puts the wolf under a spell, his clawed hand gently slides down at the moth's soft hair with a huff, smirking at her.

“Aight, let Big Bad handle this one. Ya stay put, my lil’ Creme Puff” the Wolf, known as Big Bad walked over to Madison, towering over him. “Ya gotta problem with my girl?”

“Your girl?” Madison scoffed and folded his arms, grayish blue eyes locked at Big Bad orange ones, “You mean, my girl, right. You hardly ever met her!”

“Oh yeah?” That’s when Big Bad grabbed Madison by the collar of his jacket, bumping each other’s heads. “Lemme tell ya somethin’, buddy, Bliss is my girl now. So ya betta stay away from her, or else we gon’ have some problems, ya feel me!?”

The raven growled in anger as he looked over at the wolf’s shoulder and spotted Bliss, who’s smiling deviously at the both of them. He looked back at the Wolf and pushed him away. “Yeah, I understand perfectly. Though, I got one advice for you, my man. You better keep ya eyes open, ‘cause you’re dealing with something that you’re gonna regret!”

“Tha fuck’re tryin’ a say?” Big Bad’s orange hues staring up and down at the bird, looking to punch this guy senseless.

“All I’m saying is, to her, you’re nothing but a pot of gold, but she’ll leave you to rot if you ain’t got shit for her like she did to me just now. So you better count your fucking days, bucko, you’ll be biting the dust before you know it!”

As soon as Madison was on his way out, he was grabbed from the back of his jacket by Big Bad, and was tossed towards the very back where the DJ was playing his tunes, crashing forcefully at the wall in the process. Everyone gasped and muttered about as to what’s going on.

Madison slowly sat up and took out his handgun

from inside his jacket. This caught everyone’s attention. “That does it, you’ve crossed the line!!” But before he attempts to pull the trigger, Bliss was in the way, hugging Big Bad lovingly, pecking kisses at his face. Madison lowered his weapon and stuffed it back into his jacket in defeat.

“Oh~ Big Daddy, you’re such a big, strong man~! You're turning me on already!” Bliss’s voice was too sultry, too sweet to resist, but her stare at the poor raven was deadly and devilish for sure.

“Heh, what can I say, they don’t call me Big Bad for nothin’ ya know?” The grey wolf wrapped his arm around the silk moth before they left the bar. “Let’s head over to my club, too many creeps n’ freaks up in this joint”

Watching this newfound duo leave, Madison brushed himself off in anger and kicked the dirt off the floor. He aggressively took off his jacket and threw it to the floor. He noticed all the patrons, even the DJ and the bartender were watching this in concern and fear.

“What the fuck are are you all looking at??” He muttered, grabbing his jacket off the floor and stormed out of the bar.

Driving back to the hotel, he smirked and started laughing to himself. What a fool he was; and to think he and Bliss had something special and now he’s been played. He should’ve listened to ZigZag and Diesel about leaving the gang, but he was too blindly in love with the moth that he had to. Now he’s a dead man walking and he had to figure out ways to not be seen by the bikers to get himself killed. Fuck that! He’s not gonna take shit from anyone. He’s gonna let everyone in Grand Metropolis know that he’s not a game, that he’s not the man to mess with.

And he sure as hell, karma will soon creep at that Bitch.

Their love was nothing but a game...

#[Stories to Tell]: Literature #[Tough Love]: MadiBliss #[Maniacal Shooter]: Madison #[A Femme Fatale with a Flowery Scent]: Bliss

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lihikainanea · 5 years

Note

Ok buuut is there any way that when tiger and Alex get drunk together, Alex *doesn't* ask her about Bill? And is there any world where tiger *wouldn't* ferociously deny it? And any way that Alex doesn't figure it out based on the strength of her denial...? But maybe he just thinks she's got feelings for Bill that aren't reciprocated... Ohhh.

I low key kind of love this concept. And it definitely wasn’t his intention because he’s not a sleaze ball who is trying to get her all loose-lipped, but maybe he’s a little tipsy too. And---guuuuuuuhhh hang on my heart just did a PANG PANG thing--maybe Alex is a little protective of Bill, always has been, because Bill’s a sensitive guy you know? And somehow he’s always getting mixed up with girls who are no damn good. Alex isn’t questioning her intentions by any means, but maybe he just wants to know what the deal is.

But my girl tiger--hey listen, tiger has spent her entire friendship defending Bill--and protecting him. She knows when somebody is sniffing for details, and tiger is a hard nut to crack. So maybe when Alex downs his entire pint in two gigantic gulps, belches, and asks her what exactly is going on between her and little bro, tiger grins mischievously.

“He’s great in bed,” she deadpans,”My god, can he hit it.”

Alex blinks, and doesn’t quite hide his surprise in time.

“What?” he asks, “No, I mean are you--”

“Fucking like rabbits? Oh buddy. Lemme tell you something about your little bro,” she continues,”He’s a freak. A straight up freak. He’s into all kinds of--”

“Stop,” he holds up a hand, “I’m just trying to ask if you and him--”

“Have tried some bondage shit? Basic, really. Hey if you know of a few tricks or knots he can use to tie me tighter, maybe when we get back you can--”

But Alex like, deadass gets up from the table. Scrubs a hand down his face. Looks at her with an annoyed glare and it hits tiger like a ton of bricks, how much he resembles Bill in that moment.

“I am going to take a piss,” he grumbles, “And when I get back, this conversation never happened.”

Tiger smiles deviously, victoriously.

“Okay,” she says, chipper.

Alex texts Gustaf that night, to ask him. Because Gustaf knows everything, and Alex knows Bill would have told him. Gustaf tells him to ask Bill.

And I’ll bet--you know, I don’t give Alex enough credit for this but he’s the oldest of 80009798 siblings so he also has a wicked protective streak, and Alex watches. He observes. And he absolutely gets his answer one day when they’re all on a hike somewhere in the woods, just a small one, and tiger points out an eagle overhead.

“Oh my god, it’s beautiful,” she gasps. She’s watching the bird, Alex is watching the bird, but when he turns his gaze to Bill--Bill is watching her, amazement and sheer joy on her face, and the corner of his mouth is tugged up into the stupidest small smile.

#funny #family drama #bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble #BFF!BIll

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unofficialkfamtranscripts · 4 years

Text

King Falls AM - Episode Twelve: All the Pretty Flowers

View on Google Docs

Summary: October 15, 2015 - Against Ben's wishes, Sammy broaches a touchy subject after witnessing a hearse delivering white roses on his way into the station. Is it a King Falls Halloween tradition or could it be something more sinister? #RedRumRoses

[podcast intro music]

[jazz music]

Chet Well the clock on the wall is telling me that’s all, y’all. So I’m gonna mosey on down to The Red Rock bar and buy all the ladies a drink on me. But don’t try to fool me again, Dennis. This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz Corner. Until next time… keep it cool King Falls.

[Sammy & Ben Show intro music]

Ben Good evening, you’re listening to King Falls AM [door closing]– that’s 660 on the radio dial. [slightly irked] And this is the Sammy and Ben show— sans-Sammy at the moment.

[footsteps]

Sammy Sorry about that, Ben! everybody at home. I was just running a little late. I was j- Y-you know, I just saw the weirdest thing!

Ben Was it Chet leaving? I told him to take that fur coat off. Guy looks like he walked off a set of a Blaxploitation[1] film.

Sammy *laughs* No, I wish I’d seen that. But I was driving in tonight- I was running a tad bit late, as you can see, and I swear to you: I’m coming up Main Street, I got behind a hearse delivering these giant white rose bouquets! Like, every couple of streets the damn thing’s stoppin’!

Ben No.

Sammy No *laughs* yeah it did.

Ben … SOOOOO… Weee’ve got a great show for you folks tonight. Uh, Ernie Salcedo…

Sammy Ben.

Ben *pointedly clearing his throat* … Yes?

Sammy Okay, I can see you slashing at your neck furiously and shaking your head “no”, but the audience can’t. Sooo, what’s the issue here?

Ben *nervously* I’m sorry we… just don’t talk about this, Sammy.

Sammy So you know of it! Is it like some kind of weird Halloween thing?

Ben [flatly] Halloween? Are you serious? We don’t celebrate Halloween here in the Falls, Sammy.

Sammy WHAT? This is like friggin’ Halloween Town! You know those shops that open up every year around Halloween and close the day after? King Falls is where all those shops should move to when it’s not Halloween.

Ben Two things. 1) That’s a horrible business model, and 2) Halloween is one, big, diabetic pumpkin.

Sammy Come on? You don’t like decorating? Trick-or-treating?

Ben ALL OF IT. It’s like you’re— tempting these ghouls and goblins to come and mess with you. We get enough of that here. And again, diabetes.

Sammy Okay, I can see where you’re coming from, but I’m not gonna lie— this is kind of a surprise.

Ben What can I say? We’re more the Christmas or Arbor Day types.

Sammy Okay, so the hearse is delivering flowers. What’s the deal if it’s not a Halloween… ritual?

Ben Did you really see that? Did someone tell you to mess with me about this?

Sammy Scout’s Honor. I was late because of it! I illegally passed on a double yellow line (sorry Deputy Troy) just to skate around ‘em and make my way up the mountain.

Ben … I don’t like this. I-I don’t know that I’ve ever known anyone that saw the flowers delivered. Usually businesses and people just find the wreaths the next morning. D-Di-Did you see inside the hearse? Was it… people?

Sammy You know, I didn’t look, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say… it was a human being.

Ben Well, that’s good. *breath* It’s something.

Sammy Okay, so the roses…

Ben [voice breaking] Damnit, Sammy! We got a show scheduled, ya know?

Sammy I’m well aware! Just fill me in about the roses and we’ll move on.

Ben [muttering] Yeah yeah, okay, so… *deep breath* Every year, around this time—

Sammy Halloween…

Ben OCTOBER.

Sammy Uh-huh…

Ben Every— October… there is a certain society of people— and I use the term “people” loosely— that congregate and deliver the rose wreaths to individuals and businesses. That’s— a fact.

Sammy And?

Ben Annnd… nobody really knows what happens after that.

Sammy [audible grin] But legend has it…!

Ben Don’t “legend-has-it” me! Nobody knows for sure! Why gossip?

Sammy Okay. What do you think happens, Ben?

Ben *breathes in* Uuuugghhhh… Well, I think people either accept this weird— invitation or… they don’t. But I can tell you, the people that don’t? Well… they don’t, last long after that.

Sammy Okay. So we’ve just went from spooky 1-800-Flowers to murder in only a few easy steps.

Ben Not- murder- per say, but… businesses that decline tend to… move away or go under. Or tragedy strikes. Sure, I-I’ve heard stories of these folks winding up on the wrong end of a funeral ceremony, but… I couldn’t prove it. Are you satisfied now?

Sammy Of course. Thank you, Ben. King Falls, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours!

Ben DON’T open the phone lines!

Sammy We’re-opening-up the phone lines here at the station! 424-279-3858. Have you had contact with this demonic annual floral delivery? Hit us up!

Ben Don’t call or tweet us. Please.

Sammy Give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM, [smugly] Ben will personally answer every tweet #RedrumRoses[2]

Ben NOPE! Not gonna happen.

Sammy Ben…[faux sympathy] It looks like the phone lines are lighting up, buddy.

Ben I expected better of you, King Falls.

Sammy Lucky Line 1, you’re on the air with Sammy And Ben.

Pete Low-down, gossip-mongering, muckraking filth.

Ben [flatly] Pete?

Sammy [quiet and amused] Escobar?

Pete N-uh- it’s Pete. You know damn well I’m listenin’.

Ben Wwhat’s on your mind tonight, Pete?

Sammy Did your mom teach you to start off phone calls with name-calling, Pete?

Pete [faint creaking in bg] My mom taught me to… stand up for myself! Don’t start a fight, but don’t be afraid to end it.

Sammy Who’s fighting?

Pete Oh, what a short attention span you have, Sammy. Not dwelling on you and Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III issues; you’re picking a fight with the Unknown! Ben told you to shut your trap. [very faint sounds of driving]

Sammy Heh, lemme tell you, this would a long four hours if we didn’t talk and, y’ know, sometimes you have to—

Pete Yeah yeah, I get it, Mr. Nincompoop Radio Host. [creaking] You gotta blab. But that’s something you don’t trifle with. You should know this.

Ben Sammy, you know I hate to say Pete is right about anything, but—

Pete But I’m right about this! I know you know, Ben. That’s all I need to know. Stop yapping about things you don’t understand.

Ben Thanks, Pete.

Sammy [mostly resigned] Did you have a question or an experience with the flowers, Pete?

Pete Abs-absolutely not! I– d-don’t try to get me in trouble. [car door closing]

Ben You okay over there, Pete?

Pete [failing at being nonchalant] Yeah I’m just out, and… uh, just out.

Sammy [incredulous] This time of night?

[car door slamming]

Pete Yeah! I’m- runnin’ errands and- stuff like that, y’know. ‘T’s- It’s not- it’s not your business!

Ben [literally tongue-in-cheek] Uh-huh…

Pete You’re makin’ something of this. Yer- you’re doin’ somethin’, you’re getting me invo— Stop.

Ben It’s just weird, Mr. Beauregard’s gardener is out at 2 in the morning, running errands.

Sammy So your boss doesn’t have anything to do with the roses, does he, Pete?

Pete Ben Arnold. If you’ve got a lick of good sense, I wouldn’t walk too close to Sammy for the next feww… mm— mmmm… lifetimes! He’s gonna wind up on the bottom end of an anvil.

Sammy You know, I just don’t think asking questions is the equivalent of buying ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird.[3]

Ben [semi-stern] Y’mind answering his question, Pete?

[creaking]

Pete Oh, HELL NO. You two are a couple ‘a horse patoots. I’m never listening to this show again.

Ben Until tomorrow.

Pete PETE OUT! [click, dial tone]

Ben Are you happy, Sammy? Is this what you were hoping for?

Sammy Civilized conversation is the only thing I look for. That said… I’m gonna say, it’s a tad bit suspicious.

Ben There are dots we don’t need to connect. MOVING ON!

Sammy Maybe you’re right.

Ben Folks, we’re gonna take a break to pay some bills, and we’ll be right back and on schedule.

[rattle, guitar strums]

Dale (presumably) [voice is a low murmur (for lack of a better word)] Dale’s Dollar Tree… [strum] at dirt cheap prices… [strum] it’s almost free. [guitar,western music] Hi, everybody, I’m super excited to tell you ‘bout some unbelievable deals we have right now… at Dale’s Dollar Tree. Let’s segue to the savin’s [eagle screech] Our low prices are guaranteed… Who’s guaranteeing it, you ask? … Me… [guitar stops] How do you take advantage of these savings? [strum, rattle] 1) Walk into Dale’s Dollar Tree [strum] 2) Throw somethin’ in your cart [strum] 3) Savings. [guitar] Dale’s Dollar Tree. [eagle screech]

[S&B theme]

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, we are back and you’re listening to King Falls AM. Now we were just talking about me running late this morning, because of a, uh, hearse—

Ben [cutting Sammy off] So we’ve got a great show scheduled tonight. We’ve got Mr. Eli Goldblum on later in the hour.

Sammy And who is Mr. Goldblum?

Ben Are you kidding me? Only the most renowned post-mortal psychologist known to man! He’s on his spoken-word world tour, and this Thursday, you can see him live at the King Falls Convention Center.

Sammy … That’sss-something.

Ben Indeed! So that’s in about… forrrty minutes. Uh, we got Rose, (from Rose’s Diner, of course) calling in to talk about how the Bee Crisis is affecting her honey-baked ham specials for the- foreseeable future.

Sammy [TIL] Really? That’s something that’s happening?

Ben Come on, Sammy. This bee situation is serious business.

Sammy You get points for not buzzing or saying “beeees-ness”

Ben You don’t wanna know how hard that was…

Sammy -eh- Okay. So, how can we help with the bees?

Ben Uhhh… cut- back- on swatting them?? *awkward laugh* I-I-I don’t know for sure that’s-that’s why we’re talkin’ to Rose.

Sammy Gotcha!

Ben And our first topic of discussion this evening— was gonna be—

Sammy About the flowers.

Ben Don’t.

Sammy Okay, look. Can we open up the phone lines again? I’d like to talk about these flowers. Uh, you tell King Falls your topic, and then we’ll see what they wanna talk about.

Ben You know they’ll talk about the damn rose wreaths!

Sammy You heard it here, folks. Line 7, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Herschel Ugh, I can’t sleep with all this damn racket going on! You two DINGLEBERRIES keep it down!

Sammy *laugh* Herschel??

Herschel Oh, hell. Don’t make me get out of bed and give you a full blast so late at night! [muttered] Don’t even know where my slippers are…

Ben Mr… Baumgartner, you realize you called us, right? This is- the radio station.

Herschel I know who and what I called. I dialed you DICKWHISTLES because all this [mocking] cry-babying about the damn flowers. Turn that jazz fella back on so- so I can get some rest!

Sammy Chet is on from 10 to 2, Mr. Baumgartner. This is Sammy and Ben and we- talk about—

Herschel I don’t give a damn if it’s Tricky Dick Nixon calling to give me a Congressional Medal of Honor! You shut your nose holes about the damn funeral flowers. And play me some heroin-fueled American art! [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy We’re gonna count that as one for the flowers…

Ben Line 14, you’re live on the air.

Creeper Long time listener here!

Sammy [click, dial tone]

Ben Did you hang up, Sammy?

Sammy Yeeaah, sorry. I hate that guy.

Ben Line 3,*chuckles* this is King Falls AM.

Beauregard Good evening, Benjamin. Samuel. This is—

Ben Beauretard?![sic]

Beauregard *sigh* Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard the Third. My man told me that you were spreading more lies than usual on your little “radio show.” I thought I would call and clear the air.

Sammy Mr. Beauregard, can I just say, before this call goes ANY further— that we will not accept any abuse towards us or the listeners of this show.

Beauregard How cute that you think people listen to you two buffoons.

Ben That’s abuse! That’s exactly what we were—

Beauregard Oh, that’s a joke where I come from. You millennials would never have lasted back in my day. With your emotions and feelings and the like.

Ben When was that day, again, Mr. Beauregard?

Beauregard Information about myself and my family, can be found in my international, best-selling e-book, “King of King Falls” … I don’t have to answer to— well— you.

Sammy *sigh* Did you have a reason for the call tonight, Beauregard?

Beauregard Indeed, I do. While men with any couth wouldn’t speak about festivities that they know nothing aboouut—

Sammy So, you’re behind these deliveries?

Ben Also, while I would never name names and throw my friend under a bus— you should know this wasn’t the agreed upon topic of the show.

Sammy Oh, stop it.

Beauregard [agonizingly insincere] I don’t know a thing about the supposed yearly white rose deliveries you speak of. My family, nor myself, have ever been involved with such jovality.[sic] In fact, in all my years I can’t recollect such a thing.

Ben I don’t buy that for a second. Maybe you’ve never sent the roses, and— let’s play devil’s advocate and say, sure, you’ve never received them (which I doubt), but there is No Way you haven’t heard of this.

Beauregard Maybe it’s something you commoners have made up, like, uhh- the tooth fairy or the Illuminati orrr— equal rights for the sexes.

Ben I can’t deal with this guy! Just dump him and let’s take another line.

Sammy Wait… Mr. Beauregard. If you don’t care about this— and, in fact, haven’t even heard of it until tonight— why would you bother to break your Hate-Silence with us to call in?

Beauregard You’re not nearly as dumb as you look, Stevens! And while I continue to honor my statement before— I’d have to assume that this “rose” ordeal is a real thing. It’s probably a very special thing! An intimate invitation sent by the upper echelons of King Falls. A way of making amends or bring people worthy of attention, into a conversation that normally would not have been invited to have.

Ben Just for everyone keeping score at home: I took a college course on Crazy and I believe he is saying he knows that the wreath deliveries are real, and he is probably behind them.

Beauregard Time is money, gentleman. Not that you understand that concept. But instead of painting a ceremony you know nothing about as tragic and scary— perhaps it’s not. Perhaps it’s something more than that, entirely. In any case, it’s not something that should be spoken about in public. [phone pings] Ahhh… I’ll be going now, “gentlemen.” And while I do use that word lightly, perhaps take a break from your radio program and… check your door.

Ben Isss that a threat?

Beauregard Trick-or-Treat, Samuel… Benjamin. [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy I wonder what he sounds like when he has something nice to say to people.

Ben He probably hasn’t said anything nice to a person since the 60s… The 1860s.

Sammy Ya know, I didn’t mean to ruffle anyone’s feathers tonight. Especially crazy old billionaires who try to drive us off the air— so let’s just—

Ben I’M GONNA GO CHECK THE DOOR.

Sammy What?!

Ben Yeah. [chair sliding out] I’m sorry, man. Beauregard gives me the willies [squeak] and I wanna make sure there isn’t—

Sammy A sugar-glider on a noose?

Ben Too far. I was just gonna say— that he hasn’t had Pete ding-dong-ditch us- or something.

Sammy And here I thought the Williams boys had that market cornered.

Ben I’ll be back in a sec. [footsteps rushing off]

Sammy [shouting after him] Don’t talk about Pete that way, Ben! He’s never gonna listen to the show again! Alright, folks. We are just a few hot minutes away from Eli Goldblum coming into the studio to talk about, [ominous bg music starts] uh… I’m guessing- ghosts with lingering mental issues? Ah, sorry— apparitions. [footsteps rushing back] I’m holding out hope for an apparition with multiple personality disorder, but I don’t know if that’s a thing or not… [chair squeak, Ben sitting] Ben? You okay, buddy?

Ben [upset] How many times, did I ask you to stop talking about the stupid, hearse, Sammy?

Sammy What’s wrong?

Ben [sarcastic] Oh, nothing. You wanna go outside and take a look?

Sammy You know, I don’t think I want to. I’m happy with you filling me in.

Ben Well, I didn’t go outside, Sammy! I didn’t have to. I looked out the front window.

[ominous bg music getting louder]

Sammy Yeah? And?

Ben [hissed] damnit

Sammy … Ben. What is going on? Do we need to call Troy?

Ben The whole parking lot- your car, MY car— as far as the lights will let me see— Nothing but white roses, man.

Sammy … Are you serious?

Ben Go look!! Just don’t go out there, huh? It looked like it was snowing, that’s how many of those damn things are out there.

Sammy [scrambling for optimism] What’s the chances that it’s just a non-Halloween bouquet from Emily to you?

Ben ZERO. Zero percent chance, Sammy.

Sammy [seriously] Folks, we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Blaxploitation - Blaxploitation or blacksploitation is an ethnic subgenre of the exploitation film that emerged in the United States during the early 1970s. The films, while popular, suffered backlash for disproportionate numbers of stereotypical film characters showing bad or questionable motives, including roles as criminals.

[2] #RedrumRoses - Redrum is from the psychological horror film The Shining. It’s “murder” spelled backward.

[3] “ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird” - I sincerely hope no one will ever be too young for this reference, but I once had my little brothers ask who Mr. Rogers was so: this is a reference to the Looney Toons cartoons, Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. In each episode, Coyote repeatedly attempts to catch and eat the Road Runner, a fast-running ground bird, but is never successful. In order to catch the Road Runner, Coyote uses absurdly complex contraptions- most acquired from the mail-order company ACME- to try to catch his prey, which all backfire comically with Coyote often getting injured in slapstick fashion.

#king falls am #king falls #kfam #sammy stevens #Ben Arnold #kfam transcripts #kfam ep12 #pete myers #herschel baumgartner #hfb3

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rareficsnstuff · 6 years

Text

Flub [Oikawa, Bokuto, Kuroo, (Iwa, Makki, Matsun)]

Summary: Oikawa arranges a three-on-three practice match featuring Bo and Kuroo. But he happens to be a little off his game today, leading to stupid mistakes and consequences. Also: since when was Bo so perceptive?

Words: 3,200

__________________________________________________

“I guess this is the place,” said Oikawa as he, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki stood in front of a municipal gym somewhere in Tokyo. How did they end up here?

It was summer after their graduation and, somehow, Oikawa had started texting Daichi about what their plans were for the future. Oikawa had mentioned that he would’ve liked to have some sort of practice match with a bunch of strong players separate from regular training, but outside of his three third-year buddies from Aoba Johsai and the third-years from Karasuno (who were largely unavailable at the moment), he didn’t really have any connections to people like that. That’s when Daichi brought up Karasuno’s summer training camp where they had been continuously ‘harassed’ by Nekoma and Fukurodani (specifically their highly spirited Captains). He told the setter he would ask them if they were interested in a match with the former Seijoh players and that he would get back to him with the answer. Long story sort: they were very interested. So Oikawa received their contact info from Daichi, and they set a place and time for the match.

Oikawa really hoped this practice would somehow give him answers to help him break through this wall he recently found himself stuck behind. He would never tell anyone, but Oikawa was terrified that he would never reach the potential of a national team level. After all, in all of middle school and high school, his team never was able to beat Ushiwaka and his protégé ended up defeating his team at the end of his high school career. He was beginning to doubt himself again. And he hated himself for it.

“This should be interesting. One last hurrah before the Seijoh third-years go their separate ways, huh?” mussed Iwaizumi. “And against Bokuto. He’s one of the top 5 spikers in the nation, right?”

“Yeah, I gotta say, I’m really looking forward to this!” said Hanamaki.

“Well, we’d have to make it inside the gym first,” Matsukawa drawled.

“Right you are, Matsun! Well, then! Shall we, fellas?” Oikawa flourished and without further comment, they entered the gymnasium to meet the two former captains.

___________________________________________________

“Yoooo!~” said Kuroo.

“Hey, hey, hey! You guys must be the Seijoh formers, yeah?” Bokuto said, flamboyantly. The four stood, only slightly dumbfounded by the energetic welcome before Oikawa replied.

“That we are! It’s wonderful to meet the two of you! Thank you so much for indulging us!” As per usual for the setter, each word was carefully selected and soon, everyone was exchanging greetings and introductions.

“Alright, so how do you guys wanna split the teams up?” Kuroo asked a little later.

“Well, all together, we have three wing spikers, two middle blockers, and one setter. But, Makki here could just as well play the role of setter under the circumstances. I think Bokuto and Iwaizumi should be on opposing teams and Matsun and Kuroo would oppose each other as well,” Oikawa reasoned.

“Alright then: how about Bo, Oikawa, and Matsukawa on one team, and Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and myself on the other. Sound good?” Kuroo asked and everyone nodded and murmured their approval.

____________________________________________________

About ten minutes later, everyone was finishing their warmups and Bokuto’s attention was drawn to Oikawa who was practicing his serves; his eyes closed, head bowed, and gripping the ball as though it were something truly precious. He was oozing with intense focus and, frankly, Bokuto just couldn’t resist. He was so serious. He just had to.

Creeping up behind him, he carefully moved his hands towards the setter’s sides. The sound that suddenly resonated throughout the gymnasium startled everyone, causing them to look towards its source. Bokuto had tasered his sides and he uttered something akin to a strangled sea bird as his elbows slammed against his sides and he doubled over, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. The whole room stilled.

For a couple seconds, the only sound that could be heard was the ball bouncing as it slowly came to rest on the ground after falling from Oikawa’s hands.

“Huh- W-wha-?!” Oikawa stuttered, looking cautiously back at the guy behind him, his cheeks pink.

“Heh… Oops. Sorry, man, I just wanted to see if I could break your focus. I mean, you were so serious!” said Bokuto honestly. The other four boys chuckled under their breath as Oikawa began to pout.

____________________________________________________

As the match settled into a steady rhythm, the incident was more-or-less forgotten while everyone focused on their opponents. Into the second set, it was clear that Bokuto, Oikawa, and Matsukawa’s side was the more powerful. But only just. Regardless, everyone could tell that Oikawa was a little… off.

“Alright, make it a good one, my man!” Bokuto shouted as Oikawa prepared to serve again.

“Yeah, and if you make us lose because of your shitty serves, you owe me dinner,” said Matsun dully.

“Oh common! Would you drop that threat already! I’m doing my best!”

“If you lose, your side’s getting a penalty,” said Iwaizumi from across the net. Makki and Kuroo nodded.

“Stop it! Lemme work!” Up went the ball, and up went Oikawa, slamming it down hard on the other side of the net…

“…”

“way’ta knock it outta the park, you piece of garbage,” said Matsun. Needless to say… it was out.

“Thanks, dude!” said Kuroo mockingly as Iwaizumi and Makki laughed.

“GAAAA! Damn it! I’m sorry! I’ll get it right next time, I promise!”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, okay?” said Bokuto brightly.

“If that were you, Bo, you’d be all mopey now,” said Kuroo.

“Shut up, I’m getting better!”

With Oikawa’s flub, their side lost their one point lead and the two teams were now tied, causing a deuce. The tug-of-war on the lead went back and forth for some time until Oikawa was up to serve again, with various jeers and mockeries in tow. Oikawa grumbled. He could only imagine what kind of hellish penalty those jerks on the other side of the net would come up with and their mocking was not helping him concentrate.

He took a deep breath and tossed the ball, jumped, and brought his hand down on it, slamming it down with everything he had...

Except… it didn’t make it to the other side.

Everyone froze, their jaws hanging and wide eyes locked on Bokuto who seemed to have stopped breathing. Oikawa went pale.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, Bokuto! Are you alright?!” the setter panicked.

“Is he okay?! Did it hit him in the head?!” asked Iwaizumi.

“Nah, it was his back, but…” said Matsun.

“Hey, man, say somethin’!” said Makki.

“Bo. You good, bro?” asked Kuroo.

Oikawa stood behind the group, holding a hand to his lips and shuffling nervously from one foot to the other as everyone waited for Bokuto to respond. Bokuto’s face was downcast and shadowed, his shoulders unnervingly slack. It was weird to see him so quiet.

Everyone startled when he suddenly turned his head sharply to look behind him at Oikawa. He was glaring. To everyone else in the room, the threatening effect was lost on them by the way Bokuto’s lip stuck out in a pout, making the glare look more like a child having been denied ice cream. But to Oikawa; who, for one thing, wasn’t familiar with him as a person, and, for another, was the cause of his agitation, it was definitely effective. If Oikawa was pale before, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. His eyes were like saucers.

Without warning, Bokuto spun on his heel and began making his way towards the setter in long, heavy strides. Seeing this, Oikawa squawked, turning away from him to fall on the ground in a cowering ball, his arms covering his head in defense.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorr-!“ he chanted in desperation. He was at a loss of what to do. He just didn’t know Bokuto! He seemed like a pretty cheerful, easy-going guy, but Oikawa didn’t know what would happen if someone pushed his buttons! He didn’t know what would make him snap!

His panicked thoughts were interrupted by a sudden contact and Oikawa screamed. He couldn’t believe this was happening right now; the guy was tickling him! Bokuto had his fingers planted in the spaces between his ribs, vibrating them there and making Oikawa cackle in surprise.

“WHAHA- NAHahahaha!”

The others chuckled, Iwaizumi rolling his eyes as his former Captain was tortured for his mistake.

“Geaaahahaha! WHYEEEHEHEHE?!” he asked through his laughter, rolling to his side and pawing weakly at Bokuto’s hands.

“This is what happens when you’re too tense during a match; you make stupid mistakes and someone ends up hurt!” Bokuto lectured. But the goofy smile on his face told everyone that he wasn’t really angry: just Bokuto being Bokuto.

“Naha! I-hehehe! I-I’m sorryyyyhehehe! It was an a-hAHAHAhaaa ahaccidehent!” Oikawa tried, his laughter and squirming getting a little more desperate when his tickle monster switched to attacking his exposed hip with one hand, while his other began worming itself under his arm.

“Nope! Too late for that, buddy,” said Bokuto, still smiling like an idiot.

“Yeah, be a man and accept the consequences!” Makki cheered.

“Hey, I think there was a water fountain right outside. Do you wanna go refill our water bottles?” Matsun asked passively.

“Sounds good,” said Makki. Iwaizumi nodded with a grunt of agreement and the three of them turned from the spectacle before them and began making their way out of the gym.

“Wahait! IWA-CHAHAN, HEEEHEHEHELP!” Bokuto laughed at the desperate plea.

“Maybe later, Shittykawa. Thirsty,” he said bluntly. Oikawa spit something that sounded a bit like ‘traitor’ through his laughter as they left and Iwaizumi chuckled to himself. The idiot deserved this right now. And he kinda needed it, too. He had been way too tense lately. Maybe Bokuto had just noticed that too and decided to help in his own way.

“Geeze, Oikawa, you sure squirm a lot,” said Bokuto while he was currently busy attacking his stomach and sides. “Hey, Kuroo, could you gimme a little help here?”

“Sure~” he sang eagerly.

“Get his arms outta the way for me, yeah?”

“NAHAOoo! Goho away, Shihit hahahair!”

“Excuse me?! What was that?! You makn’ fun of my hair now?! You better get’em good, Bo,” he teased as he knelt on the floor above Oikawa’s head and pried his arms away from his middle to hoist them above his head. Bokuto himself moved to sit on his thighs, just above his knees, effectively pinning him down.

“Heh! Oh, I intend to, dude. You know, I’m gonna have a welt on my back for weeks from that serve!”

“NO, NO, NOOOhoho! Lehemme GO!” Oikawa pleaded.

Before he could get another word out, Bokuto began massaging his upper ribs and the setter was overcome by laughter once again. With nowhere to move, the only option he was left with was to arch his back off the floor and throw his head back in desperation. This action, however, drew Bokuto’s attention to his hips. So he moved the attack there, causing Oikawa’s hips to come crashing back down as he contracted his spine in a frail attempt at escape. When he started squirming form side to side, Bokuto moved back up to his ribs, and the cycle continued like this until tears began to form in his eyes.

“Stahahahaa- ahahaha! Naha- pleahehehaha! I-hhahaha!”

“You really gotta learn to relax, man. You’re aimn’ for the national team, yeah? You keep freakn’ out about what people think of you as a player, and you’re gonna hit a wall real fast. Don’t waste your energy comparing yourself to other athletes and just kick some ass,” said Bokuto over his victim’s loud laughter.

“Yeah, bud, just forget about all the critical jerks out there and just do you,” said Kuroo calmly from above him. If it weren’t for the incessant tickling Bokuto was putting him through, their words would be calming and even encouraging to Oikawa’s stressed, stubborn mind. But the fact of the matter was, he was being tickled to near death right now and it only got worse when he suddenly became aware that Kuroo was adjusting so he could hold both his hands in one of his, freeing up his right hand to torture him as well.

“NAHAhohoho! Kuhuroo- pleahaha!” Kuroo had begun walking his fingers from his inner forearm, down to his inner elbow, and to the underside of his bicep (which, apparently, was very ticklish). He spidered his fingers there for a moment longer than he had planned, reveling in the way it made the guy cackle and his nose scrunch.

“Did you find a sweet spot, Kuroo?” asked Bokuto, grinning happily. Oikawa wanted to crawl out of his skin.

“Seems like,” Kuroo chuckled. “Try his legs, Bo.” Bokuto’s happy grin turned wicked and he quickly shifted to sit backwards on Oikawa’s upper thighs so he could have better access to his thighs and knees, but still keeping them pinned to the floor. Still suffering from Kuroo’s mild attack, Oikawa’s panic rose a little when he felt Bokuto begin to slide his knee pad and brace down to his ankles. He put up a commendable effort trying to kick the big guy off, but big Bokuto was. 78.3kg was a lot of weight to throw under any circumstances, and Oikawa was already so weak from laughter. He was stuck. Doomed to continue suffering in this torment until his monsters chose to show him mercy.

“Noho- ha! S-stop thahat! Bohokutohohooo! DON’T!”

With an eager glance back at Kuroo, the two shared a knowing look before both Kuroo and Bokuto went in for the real attack.

“GEYAHAHA! DAHAHA! NOOHOHO!” Gruff, broken cackles tore their way form Oikawa’s throat as Kuroo began scratching at his underarms, making his shoulders shift spastically, and Bokuto started squeezing at the meat of his thighs and his legs squirmed weakly, trying in vain to bring his knees up in some kind of defense.

“So, you think you’re relaxed enough to actually play with your head in the game, Bud? No more nailing people with your cannon serve? That really hurt ya’know. I can already feel it starting to swell up,” said Bokuto good-naturedly as he glanced behind himself at the writhing setter.

“AAAAHAHA! IHEhe I’M SOHORRYYYHEHEHE!”

“But are you gonna chill out and play cool, or are you gonna keep stressing about pointless stuff like comparing yourself to other players and what-ifs?” said Bokuto, shifting his attention to Oikawa’s knees. Kuroo glanced at him curiously. Did he miss something? This was the second time Bokuto had said something like that. But Oikawa hadn’t mentioned anything about that. He figured Bo was just looking for an excuse to justify his actions. Shrugging, Kuroo played along anyways.

“Yeah, man, that’s the deal-breaker. All baggage was supposed to be checked at the door. You can let loose here,” Kuroo added, never once stopping his own torture on Oikawa. Left underarm, right underarm, left, right, left, neck…

“Gehaha! Ahalrihihight, alrighihight, I-AAAAAAAA!!” Oikawa released a none-to-masculine scream into the air and all movement briefly stopped. Bokuto and Kuroo looked at each other in excited astonishment.

“Which one of us made’em do that?” Kuroo asked, grinning as Oikawa took the opportunity to greedily heave oxygen into his lungs. Bokuto shrugged with a shake of his head before he nodded to Kuroo to try his spot again.

Kuroo obliged eagerly, spidering his finger along his neck, jawline, and ears. Although this produced a startled, high-pitched string of giggles (a beautiful reaction), it was not the reaction they were looking for. Kuroo looked back up at Bokuto and shook his head as his partner in crime grinned, turning back to their victim’s legs.

Bokuto had chosen to target Oikawa’s inner knees with light spidering tickles when he screamed, so he returned there to torment him with the same touch. Another scream; not unlike a woman’s. The pair’s grins widened and Kuroo laughed.

“Bingo!” he cheered.

“Oikawa~ Did I find your weak spot?!~” Bokuto teased gleefully.

“Nohohooo! Guhuys, please! I-I’m sohorry, I’m sorry! Pleahese dooon’t!” he begged, giggling tiredly. Bokuto chuckled, giving Kuroo a mischievous glace.

“Thirty seconds?” he prompted. With a cheshire grin, Kuroo nodded.

Both attacked again; Bokuto at his weak spot and Kuroo switching between the undersides of his biceps and his neck. So that they could stay true to their word, they counted down loudly and obnoxiously, somehow making time move slower and the sensations shooting through his nerves ten times worse.

Oikawa wasn’t even technically laughing at this point. He was all screams trailed by high-pitched, obnoxious cackles and interjected by deep, sharp inhales only to let the sequence start all over again. The poor guy’s face was glowing red and wet with tears as he finally fell into silent laughter, occasionally interjected by a desperate, hiccupping gasp for air.

“ZEROOOOO!” Bokuto and Kuroo shouted in tandem and immediately withdrew their hands. As Oikawa attempted to restore his regular breathing pattern, the two climbed off him and backed off to give him some space. His labored breathing was speckled with hiccups and leftover giggles as he lazily slung his arms over his middle, his eyes closed in exhaustion. But in all his efforts to compose himself, he couldn’t wipe the giant, dopey grin off his still very red face.

“Is he dead yet?” Iwaizumi’s gruff voice asked from behind them as he and the other Seijoh forms returned, smirking at the flustered, spent state of their former captain. Kuroo and Bokuto laughed.

“Not quite, but close, I think,” said Bokuto, giving the heap on the floor a pat on his thigh and making him flinch. Everyone, including Oikawa, laughed.

“Hey, man, you alright?” Kuroo grinned fondly.

“Y-yes. Ihi’m good,” Oikawa panted.

“Dammit, I thought you had killed him. Oh well,” Matsun said dully.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” shouted Oikawa, finally sitting up. The others chuckled.

“Hey, are we gonna finish this game, or what?” Makki asked.

“Yeah, yeah!” Bokuto responded excitedly. “Oikawa, you should get some more water before we start, though!”

“Sure,” he said as he stood and went to get his water bottle.

On his way to the fountain, Oikawa couldn’t help but recall Bokuto and Kuroo’s encouraging words to him. He noticed it had been Bokuto who brought it up first; his insecurities. But how did he know all that! He hadn’t said anything about his hope to join the national team, or how he had a bad habit of comparing himself to genius prodigy players, or the suffocating weight he felt when he considered what other people thought of him and his acquired skills! Iwaizumi was the only one who knew he wanted to represent Japan one day and he hadn’t told him that he’s been struggling with the other stuff again! There’s no way Bokuto could have read all his insecurities and aspirations in the short time they’ve played together! Or was there…

As he screwed the lid back on his bottle, he decided that, for now, he concluded that Bokuto Koutarou was the kind of guy who was just full of surprises.

#haikyuu!!#ticklefic #bokuto koutarou #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #very mild swearing #comfort #this ended up longer than expected #and deeper

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disappearinginq · 6 years

Text

Jinx

For @blazeofobscurity, who helps more than she knows with plotting out things for Magnum-verse. I am a solid 99.9% positive this isn’t how first meetings went down between Rick and TC, but it’s totally my head canon and you can pry it from my cold, dead fingers (even if they cover it in the show). Oh, and @chrisii-the-random-whump-writer - this might count as whump, so I don’t know if you want to be tagged in this or not, but lemme know if you don’t, and I’ll fix it!

Three gunners in six months. That had to be a new kind of record.

“I think I have just the guy for you,” Greico said, a slow, Cheshire like smile forming. “Yeah. I know I got just the guy.”

“He good with guns?” TC asked. “And heights?”

Greico shrugged. “Who fucking knows? He’s a scout sniper. Lost his spotter to a case of nerves, or so he says. Personally, I think he’s the one who scared the guy shitless.”

TC raised an eyebrow. “And you’re gonna give him to me? It’s not even the same MOS.”

Greico waved his hand. “It’s the Sandbox. It’s like Kansas. Nobody cares about us here. But he’s the best shot I’ve seen in…shit, years. And he’s good under pressure. Last place he and his spotter were dropped was shy of the Korengal and nary a scratch on them.”

TC whistled appreciatively. The Korengal was a nightmare to fly. High mountains, trees obscuring the ground, radio interference, no place to pick up or set down and crawling with Taliban looking to take pot shots at low flying hueys with everything from rocks and slingshots to RPGs. Visibility was crap in the air. He didn’t want to imagine what it was like from the ground.

“Who is he?”

“Orville Wright,” Greico said, and TC accidentally inhaled his water instead of sipping, coughing and spluttering as he tried not to die.

“Are you fucking serious? That’s his name? His actual name? Not just some weird ass nickname I don’t even want to guess the origin for?” he wheezed in between breaths.

Greico edged another glass towards him, curling his lip slightly at the spit all over his desk. “God given, apparently.”

“Christ,” TC gasped. “No wonder he likes shooting people.”

“I didn’t say he liked it, I said he was good at it,” Greico amended, then looked thoughtful. “Though to be fair, he has been known to whistle on his way to work, so…who knows. He might be a psychopath. We don’t screen for that type of thing anymore.”

TC frowned. “Budgets?”

Greico snorted. “I wish. Nah, now it’s considered discriminatory to ask about someone’s mental health before we hand them a rifle and ask him to kill on behalf of Uncle Sam and the Sons of Liberty.”

“So your plan is to give me a sniper who may or may not be a serial killer in uniform who doesn’t even have the right MOS for the job? Is it because you hate me?”

Greico snorted into his coffee cup. “No, that’s because of budgets.”

TC sighed. Perfect. Just what he needed. Another ulcer.

“You want to meet him?”

“No.”

“Good,” Greico said, slapping his hand on the desk as he put his feet on the ground. “Come with me.”

*&**&*&

“Besides being a possible sociopath, anything else you can tell me about him?” TC asked, easily keeping stride with the senior officer as they made their way across base.

They were considered a combat zone, despite being on base, so fortunately no one saluted. It was one of the things TC hated about being an officer, but if it meant he got to fly, it was a small price to pay.

“You mean besides his parents clearly hated him?” the colonel asked, snorting. “Yeah. His enlistment papers are bogus. But he’s good enough at his job no one cared enough to look into them. No drug history, so that’s a solid. A little temperamental.”

TC pulled up short. “Hold up. How ‘temperamental’ are we talking here? I ain’t flying with a moody itchy trigger finger.”

Greico didn’t even break stride, forcing TC to jog a few steps to catch up. “Nothing too extreme. Can’t be too twitchy if you’re gonna hit a target at 2000 meters.”

TC blinked. “2000 meters? Was that a freak shot, or what?” That was over a mile.

“Don’t know. Kid’s been in closer quarters ever since, but I betcha if money was on the line, he could make it at 2100. Or further.”

Well, shit. No wonder the Marines didn’t go poking to heavily at his history. The longest sniper shot on record currently was just shy of 2500 meters, a little over a mile and a half.

“He’s not a bad kid,” Greico said. “Got a hell of a chip on his shoulder for reasons unknown. The ladies seem to like him well enough. Hasn’t stabbed anybody, on purpose or otherwise, so that’s a plus. Got an attitude problem though. Thinks he’s the toughest guy around, and so far, he’s been right. Naturally, it’s caused a little…friction with some of the other men.”

“Wow, sir. Way to upsell this kid. Sounds like I’ve struck gold.”

Greico snorted at that. “Ha! Like you’re one to talk. You’ve lost three gunners, Major. And no, it doesn’t matter that only one of them died it was just a lucky shot by some haji with a rifle. No one wants to ride an unlucky bird.”

They were getting towards the enlisted quarters now, which were just row upon row of numbered Quonset huts. The air conditioning units by the doors shook and rattled and sounded like they were on their last breath – which they probably were.

“Here we are,” Greico announced proudly. “Lucky number 13, Major. Looks like it’s fate.”

TC fought the urge to roll his eyes as he followed the colonel through the door.

&^&&^

It sounded like Fight Club.

It looked like Fight Club.

Over a dozen enlisted in various stages of dress – some in their full BDU’s, some still in their tees and boxers, and everything in between gathered around the far end of the Quonset, shouting at the top of their lungs. They stood on tip toes and braced against their friends’ shoulders to see over heads, stood on top of bunks and whatever available piece of furniture there was to see whatever the hell was in the middle of the circle they’d formed.

“What the hell is this?” TC shouted to be heard over the cheering.

There was a crash, and a roar erupted from the crowd. TC could just see someone being lifted and slammed like a linebacker onto something that broke with a crunch.

Greico offered a shrug and tapped the shoulder of the closest Marine. “Hey, who’s winning?”

The younger Marine whipped around, clearly about to rip the colonel a new one for interrupting when his eyes caught the eagle on Greico’s collar.

“Officer on deck!” he shouted, elbowing his buddy hard in the ribs as he jumped back a step to the foot of a cot, snapping to attention. As Marines noticed what was going on, and who was suddenly in their midst, they scrambled for their position in front of any rack available.

As they jumped to either side clearing a path, TC could finally see what they’d been cheering on. Two Marines, still oblivious along with the edge of the circle who were only now realizing what was happening, were in the middle of a fight.

Both of them looked like they were giving as good as they got – the one still standing was tall, broad shouldered and the poster child for the term jarhead: tattoos up and down both arms that were as big around as TC’s neck, boot camp styled high and tight haircut and wearing his BDU’s. His nose looked soundly broken, or at the very least, sufficiently bloodied, one eye darkening with an impressive shiner.

The one on the ground was only slightly smaller and a lot younger, built less like a brick shithouse and more athletic and considerably shorter, dirty blonde hair just shy of being too long to be in regs and the beginnings of an unauthorized five o’clock shadow darkening his jaw – though that might be more bruise than beard. He only had his BDU pants on, though they were comparably faded from what they should be. Like other guy, one eye was starting to swell shut and his teeth were stained red from a sliced inner cheek and he was lying amongst the wreckage of what was presumably once a table he’d just been slammed into by the Hulk towering over him.

Neither one seemed to notice the officers, until one of their buddies shouted, this time much louder without the added jeering of the crowd to cover it, “Officer on Deck!”

The tall brute of a Marine snapped to, hands obediently and expertly snapping to his sides as his heels audibly clacked together.

The one on the ground stayed there, breathing hard and not impressed enough by a colonel and a major to pick himself up off the ground.

“I present to you sergeant Orville Wright, Major,” Greico said proudly, stepping to one side as he gave a Vanna White impression. “Your new door gunner.”

TC eyed the muscle bound Marine dubiously. He looked like a serial killer. Or a flunkie bad guy from a Rocky sequel. He would be surprised if the man could even fit in a ghillie suit, but Greico seemed impressed enough with him, so TC figured he at least owed the guy a shot.

“Nice to meet you,” TC said, about to extend his hand in greeting.

The Marine on the ground took that exact moment to rear his knee back and slam his foot into the other guy’s groin.

The jarhead made a noise that wasn’t quite a scream, and not quite a squeak as he curled in on himself, doubling over and collapsing to the deck in the fetal position as he turned a violent shade of red and purple as every other man in the room hissed and winced in sympathy as one entity.

“Nice to meet you too, Major,” the kid on the floor huffed. He turned his head to the side and spat out a wad of red before turning back to TC, looking at him upside down from the ground as he held out his hand, knuckles torn and bruised. “You can call me Rick.”

#magnum pi 2018 #magnum pi reboot #magnum pi #rick wright #tc calvin #first meetings #fanfic #magnum fanfic #beginning of a beautiful friendship #maybe

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verdigrisprowl · 6 years

Text

Jan 28 Dancitron Movie Night - Gotham s2 e20-22

lmao this was two weeks ago idk what they did. i ain’t rereading the log. they finished the season. before the stream Prowl showed off his human avatar’s new t-shirt and after the stream he did some fancy bridging, and I only know that because I accidentally glimpsed it while preparing the log for posting. what happened during the stream itself is a mystery.

Today NoodlesAtNight 7:46 pm *Nothing new under the sun - he's just sitting on the couch, legs crossed at the knees, hands folded on his lap. Every now and then his foot bobs as if to say that, yes, he is in fact still alive.* Today SCProwl 7:53 pm *doesn't need to feel the subtle vibration from Soundwave's occasional foot movements to tell he's alive, but it's nice to know the energy signature that represents him on her visor is indeed alive* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:55 pm *scrambles indoors, covered in soot and excitement* HI NoodlesAtNight 7:55 pm *He'll ping his timeline's Prowl hello and get her set up with a feed and description. He is /prepared/ for tonight.*

[[Good evening, Swoop. He's going to start charging you a vacuuming bill.]] NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm ((lol "the only cop u like" it's true)) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:56 pm Why? :V verdigrisprowl 7:56 pm *shows up as a fifteen-foot-tall human* Soundwave. NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm *Casually points at the greyish-black smudges around Swoop's feet. That's why.* SCProwl 7:56 pm *ping of thanks before she finds her usual seat* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:57 pm *looks where Soundwave points, crouches down and immediately gets down to work doodling * NoodlesAtNight 7:57 pm *Soundwave finally shows something more than a minor movement when the human appears. He twists his whole upper body to stare for a moment, perplexed. Humans ddddooooon't come that tall. What is...?*

[[........Prowl?]] NoodlesAtNight 7:58 pm *Silently despairs over Swoop's nonsense.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:58 pm *has plenty of nonsense for the whole floor* verdigrisprowl 7:58 pm Look. *he pulls out his t-shirt for Soundwave to observe. It's a black shirt with a white drawing and text of a baseball diamond, with each position labeled with the players' names from Who's On First.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:00 pm *the dragon comes in with the cart full of treats, opens her freshly unbandaged mouth to speak, and nearly bites her tongue clean off at seeing a giant human. okay. welcome to cybertron, it's full of nonsense. she'll just... put the treats on the bar. like this isn't happening.* NoodlesAtNight 8:00 pm *Soundwave leeeeans and squints behind the half-visor. ... And his face splits into a horrible, toothy, open smile.*

[[/Delightful./]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:00 pm *writes out BIRD WAS HERE because nothing says "I love you" like a pitifully obvious attempt at vandalism* NoodlesAtNight 8:00 pm *Laserbeak will love it as soon as she stops stuffing her face and actually shows up* NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm [[Do not worry, dragon. That is not a real human.]] SCProwl 8:01 pm *fails to notice anything wrong with the Captain's appearance. holomatter is energy is holomatter is energy is--* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:01 pm *will spend his BIrd-free time writing other equally inspired sayings around the place in ash, insulting Buzzsaw, Shockwave, and so on* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm *let no one say he doesn't SORT OF half listen* NoodlesAtNight 8:02 pm *Soundwave stretches a feeler over to smudge out the one about Shockwave.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm :V Rude NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm *...After a minute, adds "Soundwave: also here" to the graffiti. If you can't beat them, join them.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:03 pm *snickers* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:03 pm Smokescreen shows up to these movie nights. I take nothing for granted. *chuffs a little* But I suppose a real human would suffocate to death. NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm ((ten minutes til start, get whatcha need now)) NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm [[Only downstairs.]] verdigrisprowl 8:04 pm *he showed up in a funny shirt and as a reward got the most beautiful smile. the shirt was a good idea.* *he switches back to his usual avatar and sits* NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm *Glances back to Prowl.* [[A greyface gave him a shirt once. Perhaps he should program it onto his own human form.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm *starts wandering around leaving handprints on things* NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm [[Swoop! Go wash your hands.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm *stares at Soundwave* *licks both his palms and then holds them out for inspection* NoodlesAtNight 8:06 pm *Is still for a long moment. Then shudders.* [[What /are/ they teaching them over there...]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:06 pm : > verdigrisprowl 8:06 pm What's the shirt? NoodlesAtNight 8:08 pm *Soundwave taps his chin, looks upstairs, and mentally adjusts one of the cameras in his storage quarters. He then lets the feed sit on screen for a moment.* verdigrisprowl 8:08 pm *looks at the xenomorph shirt* ... It'd suit you. NoodlesAtNight 8:09 pm [[Do you think so? He knows very little about human fashion.]] ((six minutes!)) SideswipeStriker 8:10 pm -just going to slide in, and sit. Blaster couldn't make it today- verdigrisprowl 8:11 pm From what I can tell, all humans are able to wear t-shirts. And they generally wear t-shirts with pictures of things they like on them. And that's a thing you like. NoodlesAtNight 8:11 pm *A nod to Sideswipe. He wonders, does everyone at that base share all the episode or movie data between themselves? They must. How else would they know what they were watching?* NoodlesAtNight 8:12 pm [[That is true.]] *Perks.* [[Did you get the base for the one you had from Earth?]] verdigrisprowl 8:12 pm It's actually kind of interesting. I can't think of any other species that have designed a specific garment that serves as a wearable art canvas. SideswipeStriker 8:12 pm -They do. Don't worry, the room chatter is filtered out before it's shared.- NoodlesAtNight 8:13 pm ((two minutes, lemme get some warnings up)) SideswipeStriker 8:13 pm -still, quick nod back to Soundwave- verdigrisprowl 8:14 pm The base for the t-shirt, you mean? No, it came default with the updated holomatter program I got on the Lost Light. The color is adjustable and it's even got a little layer where you can insert your own image to display on the shirt. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:14 pm *half listening to the t-shirt talk* Him Sideswipe do costume stuff. NoodlesAtNight 8:14 pm ((GOTHAM S2 20-22 // Violence, blood, death. Poor depictions of mental illness, ableist language, psychiatric and medical abuse. Flashing lights, rat, mild body horror, gross rotting head, needles, spider, weird eye, uhhhh... "meat dust", I don't know how else to describe what happens there without spoiling it.)) SideswipeStriker 8:15 pm I do what now? SCProwl 8:15 pm ((meat dust bwahaha SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:15 pm *if soundwave doesn't mind, the dragon will get loafed up on the couch by him and prepared for Movie* verdigrisprowl 8:15 pm ((so, bacon bits)) NoodlesAtNight 8:15 pm [[That is helpful - but he also meant the image. It is brilliant.]]

((oh my GOD)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:15 pm ((snort the meat dust like cocaine)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm *blinks owlishly at this sideswipe* NoodlesAtNight 8:15 pm *Soundwave scootches closer to Prowl to make room for the dragon on his other side. He's pretty sure Prowl won't mind.* verdigrisprowl 8:15 pm Oh. I found it on the internet. SideswipeStriker 8:16 pm -waves back- verdigrisprowl 8:16 pm *An alien on the couch? ... Not enough to say anything about it.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:16 pm *to be fair, it's not like she needs a lot of room. tiny dragons be tiny.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:16 pm Not YOU. Him Sideswipe. At Ark. Him do costumes alllll the time. Him do Dinobots as Power Rangers for Halloween! NoodlesAtNight 8:17 pm *True, but Soundwave does tend to stretch out when he can.*

[[Their datanet is full of good visuals. He will have to look for some others...]] SCProwl 8:17 pm They could put those documents back together. SideswipeStriker 8:17 pm Oh. Heh. My alternate is really creative, ain't he? NoodlesAtNight 8:17 pm [[It would take time they do not have.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:18 pm yup verdigrisprowl 8:18 pm Gym shouldn't even be there. This is a police investigation. SideswipeStriker 8:18 pm Freelancing MedicalMurdersaurus 8:18 pm Me Swoop want alternate. Me Swoop never ever get to meet other Swoop. Us need more Swoops! Kehehheh! NoodlesAtNight 8:18 pm [[They can ban him despite his contract to investigate, eys?]] [[Primus. One Swoop is enough.]] verdigrisprowl 8:18 pm Clearly, they should confiscate the documents anyway. Maybe they don't have the time now but they could have it—and need the documents—later. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:18 pm ((my favorite part of returning to college is hearing my roommate delightedly go "hi meeper!" as princess nugget /catapults/ herself at the roommate)) SCProwl 8:18 pm Exactly. NoodlesAtNight 8:18 pm ((hee hee!)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm Ten Swoops NoodlesAtNight 8:19 pm ((also: again, i apologize for probable skips and stutters now and then, this is the best rabbitcast i could get tonight)) SideswipeStriker 8:19 pm You're ten by yourself, buddy MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm Two hundred :V NoodlesAtNight 8:19 pm ((i so don't feel sorry for this priest tbh)) SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm ((yeah, that's kinda God's bag SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:20 pm ((my great aunt would've thrown him through a plate glass window)) ((my great aunt is, for context, a nun)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm ((A+ suit)) SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm Swoop, buddy, let's /not/ NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm [[You two have got a point. He generally assumes the GCPD is not competent enough to think about that.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm A miiiiiiiiillion Swoop :V NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm ((and i can see why she would!)) verdigrisprowl 8:20 pm That's fair. SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm -snorts- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:21 pm Penguin human. Clean up your den. That's a good way to become ill. SCProwl 8:21 pm They generally aren't unfortunately. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:21 pm ((my great aunt is badass)) SideswipeStriker 8:21 pm ((pffff verdigrisprowl 8:21 pm ((why the hell did jim even quit, like,)) verdigrisprowl 8:22 pm (("oh i'm not being a cop anymore. ...... but i'm doing everything a cop does anyway, and hanging around the cops, and being constantly inconvenienced by the fact that i'm not actually a cop")) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:22 pm Is that even a real sword. It broke like stick candy, and it looks fake. NoodlesAtNight 8:22 pm [[It was a prop sword.]] verdigrisprowl 8:22 pm If it's shaped like a sword and it's made out of metal then it's a real sword. That doesn't make it a good one. SideswipeStriker 8:23 pm .... MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Guardian meansssss.....? Caretaker? SideswipeStriker 8:23 pm Yeah NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm [[Yes. Guardian, someone who guards.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Him Sunstreaker is Bob guardian NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm [[Yes, he is.]] SCProwl 8:24 pm Human children need to be tended to, correct? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Ratchet is Swoop guardian Wheeljack also guardian NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm [[Very often. Few of them can stand on their own until close to their second decade.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Buuuuuut them not GUARD us Dinobots keheh. Us not need guards. verdigrisprowl 8:25 pm Actually, they typically learn to stand within about a year. NoodlesAtNight 8:25 pm *Leans back.* [[What?]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:25 pm Blooooooooddddd *giggles* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm It /was/ fake! SCProwl 8:26 pm Hm. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm Well. It was a fake of a real sword. It was, however, made of bad metal and utilized for the purposes of stabbing people. verdigrisprowl 8:26 pm *looks at* ... New humans can stand on their own within about a year? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:26 pm *suddenly serious* Soundwave. Where Her Bird? SideswipeStriker 8:27 pm It was a copy of a sword SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:27 pm Unless that's a fascinatingly resilient sword, it is going to be very rusted from being buried with a dead body. SCProwl 8:27 pm So he's going grave robbing. SideswipeStriker 8:27 pm Good enough to stab a few, yeah? But, not good enough for a sword fight SCProwl 8:27 pm Only if it's made from a metal that rusts and whatever mythic properties it has might also prevent it from deteriorating. NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm *Stares in confusion for a few moments before getting what Prowl is saying.* [[Oh. No, not - that is, he meant they are typically incapable of surviving by themselves until that age.]] *Shakes his head.* [[He supposes you are right in the literal sense. Still - even a year is a /long/ time for any newbuild not to know how to stand up.]] [[There are creatures on Earth that learn to stand and walk and run in minutes.]] verdigrisprowl 8:28 pm Oh! Yes. SideswipeStriker 8:28 pm ...... Sounds like a challenge NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm *Bird is coming! She's dragging a small rag bundle filled with snacks.* {{Hiiii.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:29 pm Do humans make swords of any material? *the dragon shrugs her wings* I guess it makes sense- what dragons use swords for and what other species use swords for can be different. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm *chirps with excitement* Hi, Bird! NoodlesAtNight 8:29 pm *She spots the graffiti on her way to Swoop and pauses to circle it.* {{Neheh. That lie. Bird not there early time.}} *She says while writing "It true" just beneath it.* verdigrisprowl 8:30 pm To be fair, most species' development rates seem slow to me. Even other Cybertronians. SCProwl 8:30 pm I don't know what humans make swords from but Cybertronian weapons are made from many different alloys. NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm ((incoming skellie)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:30 pm *is absolutely delighted by her reaction, all grins from audio to audio* SideswipeStriker 8:30 pm -snorts again. Crowbars work too- NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm [[That is true. He still does not know how they fit everything they must know in two weeks...]] verdigrisprowl 8:30 pm There are swords on top of the coffin. They could at least TRY to grab those swords before opening up the crypt. SideswipeStriker 8:31 pm Aw, c'mon, the guy is dead, hush ...whoops NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[She has seen the sword before; she would know if the ones atop the crypt were what they wanted.]] verdigrisprowl 8:31 pm Fair. verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm She's going to die. NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm ((flashing lights, i think)) SCProwl 8:32 pm Stealing from the dead. *shudders* verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm Oh, never mind, she's going to change sides. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:32 pm The dead can't use it. NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm *Bird paps Swoop's cheek.* {{You good friend. Now Bird got alibi.}} SideswipeStriker 8:32 pm What's wrong with that? The dead thing. SCProwl 8:32 pm At least it wasn't part of the body. verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm Nope, she's trying to bring his memories back, I'm back to "she's going to die." SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:32 pm From a cruel, pragmatic perspective? The dead don't need to survive. Of course, no one really needs this sword, so I suppose the point is moot. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:33 pm *would blush if that was a thing Dinobots could do* Me Swoop helping : > SideswipeStriker 8:33 pm Oh. She's gonna die verdigrisprowl 8:33 pm Yep. NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm [[Pity. He likes her.]] SCProwl 8:34 pm She reminded him of his real objective. SideswipeStriker 8:34 pm Not surprised you were right, Prowl SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:34 pm Did he gut-wound her? She might not die immediately from that. NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm [[It is unwise to bring back the memories of a person who threatened to kill you shortly before they died.]] SideswipeStriker 8:34 pm Just alot NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm [[Humans succumb to gut wounds very quickly, from what he has seen.]] verdigrisprowl 8:35 pm Their guts are minced very easily. NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm [[Their own insides poison them.]] opatoes 8:35 pm /Smokescreen's coming in late, but is waving at Soundwave and Swoop and Round Prowl!/ Hey everyone! What'd I miss? SCProwl 8:35 pm I'm aware of the pragmatics of taking from the dead. It was a valid survival tactic during the war. SideswipeStriker 8:35 pm Death doom and destruction MedicalMurdersaurus 8:35 pm *waves* SideswipeStriker 8:35 pm And graverobbing SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm Yes. But, in dragons, it can still be sometimes survived with immediate medical intervention. If you intend to kill someone with a gut wound, you ought to be watching them die to ensure their death. NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm [[You are missing the Galavan-Azrael human gathering his true sword and going after Bruce Wayne.]] verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((seriously why doesn't jim just rejoin the cops)) NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm ((because he's still a dumbass who thinks Lone Wolfing it is the way to go at this stage)) SideswipeStriker 8:36 pm ((because plot bs? verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((there's. there's no sensible reason for him not to.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:36 pm ((man pain)) verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((literally the ONLY thing he's been doing is "cop things" and "pouting about being unable to do cop things")) opatoes 8:36 pm His true sword? I missed SWORDS? Man, I always miss the good stuff SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:36 pm ((okay, I'm face blind as hell, but is this the same selena as before?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((she doesn't! look! right!)) NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm ((and also because he wants to solve bruce wayne case and wouldn't be allowed or something since barnes has told him to let it go before)) verdigrisprowl 8:37 pm ((she straightened her hair, i think that made her look different)) NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm ((it's her, she's just got straightened hair)) opatoes 8:37 pm ((wait yeah her hair looks- oh SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((augh. why must my brain be constantly confused)) verdigrisprowl 8:37 pm ((i seriously wondered too. i had to look away from the sceen and see if her voice sounded the same)) ((i don't like straight hair selina)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm ((the straight hair is weird and inexplicable. Why would she waste time straightening it? SHe just shoved it in a beanie right after.)) opatoes 8:37 pm ((that's a mood asdczxnb SideswipeStriker 8:37 pm Ah, vents, always fun opatoes 8:38 pm ((I once thought a coworker was a different person because he cut his hair... NoodlesAtNight 8:38 pm ((wig?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm Do humans typically keep food in their air vents? opatoes 8:38 pm I do! But I'm also not human SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm ... *stares at smokescreen* verdigrisprowl 8:38 pm ((her hair spontaneously straightened out of grief when bruce moved back home)) SideswipeStriker 8:38 pm ... opatoes 8:38 pm ... What? Sometimes, you need a good spot for snacks. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm *mock whispers* You Bird food in air vents? Kehehh NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm *Bird whirls round on Swoop.* {{What you know? Who told?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:39 pm *briefly startled before laughing* NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm ((upcoming scene is one of the ones that convinced me to watch Gotham at all)) ((this one here)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:39 pm *laughs* Hello, riddling human. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:39 pm *assumes they are playing because why wouldn't this be play fighting* Me Swoop never tell! SideswipeStriker 8:39 pm -gigglesnort- verdigrisprowl 8:39 pm They could just crawl around each other. SCProwl 8:40 pm ((same. i saw a gif set of that exchange and was like yup gotta watch this *tilts helm slightly toward Swoop and Laserbeak's conversation* NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm {{What you Swoop want for telling?}} *HUFFS* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm I think she'd bite him if he tried to pass her. And she probably knows how to bite. NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm [][][]Can you pick--[][][] opatoes 8:40 pm I wanna learn how to pick locks... opatoes 8:41 pm Like, I don't need to learn, but I wanna learn. NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm *Shaking like a piece of tinfoil in a tornado* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm Ah, see? She's still alive. Just being poisoned by her guts. SideswipeStriker 8:41 pm Depends on the lock, Smokes MedicalMurdersaurus 8:41 pm Ahhhhhhhuuummmmmmm! *doesn't have a good answer, normally this is the part where someone tries to punch his lights out and the wrestling starts* You Bird.... ummm..... NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm ((butch ;; <3 )) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:41 pm ((Buuuuutch)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm ((I'm having... feelings...)) SideswipeStriker 8:41 pm ((noooooo SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:42 pm ((Butch, just tell her that Galvan stabbed her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm ((him)) ((I cannot fucking /brain/ today)) NoodlesAtNight 8:43 pm ((png telling it like it is)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm ((ah, png knows, nvm)) NoodlesAtNight 8:43 pm {{Me Bird what? What?}} verdigrisprowl 8:44 pm He didn't even signal before making that turn. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm So. Who thinks that the Azrael human is just following the Jim human to find Bruce? NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm [[It was a nice turn, though.]] SideswipeStriker 8:44 pm -raises hand- NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm {{Bird think it!}} verdigrisprowl 8:44 pm It would've been nice if he'd done it without squealing. NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm {{Oh. Maybe him Azrael already know.}} verdigrisprowl 8:45 pm And doubtful. Gym has a car. Galavant doesn't. SideswipeStriker 8:45 pm Yeah, that sounded paaaoh shit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm Mhm. I was wrong. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:45 pm *looks up at Bird sheepishly, twisting back and forth* Youuu Bird... ahh... *wants to say a thing but DOESN'T WANT TO SAY A THING* UMMMM! NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm {{...Ravage got Swoop tongue?}} [[Fool. At least put your escape route back correctly.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Well, there's more than one way to bait a hook, I suppose. Perhaps I oughtn't make predictions. verdigrisprowl 8:46 pm Amateur. SideswipeStriker 8:46 pm Not very smart MedicalMurdersaurus 8:46 pm yah :X NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm {{Bird go shoot him. Coming back in minute.}} *She zooms up the stairs* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm *covers his face with his hands and giggles* NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((get him alfred!!)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:48 pm *remains in his giggly, unseeing state the whole while she's gone* SideswipeStriker 8:48 pm That's not good Arcee-Autobot 8:48 pm [[ Hey everyone! I'm actually awake late enough to Join this since I haven't in a while lol]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:48 pm Suspicious elevator. NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm ((heeeey! haven't seen you in forever, welcome back!)) Arcee-Autobot 8:49 pm [[ Thank you! I can actually see things again!]] opatoes 8:49 pm ((: O !! Hey!! Arcee-Autobot 8:49 pm [[ Long story short I used a Hair dye and I had an allergic reaction that caused a lot of swelling around my face , But i'm okay!]] NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm ((oh damn - i'm glad you're all right!!)) verdigrisprowl 8:50 pm ((oh yikes)) NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm ((it early Croc)) SideswipeStriker 8:50 pm .......so SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Um... NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Yes?]] SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Humans aren't supposed to look like that MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm *looks around to see if there is a nearby pillow or blanket* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm I mean, it could have been a much worse look for a human. NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Generally not, no. One of Strange's experiments, he expects.]] SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Yeah, but what the frag? And yikes SideswipeStriker 8:52 pm Strange is kinda like....Shockwave verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm The shoes are a decoy. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:52 pm *yanks a nearby blanket away from its home and throws it over himself for maximum giggly hiding* NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm [[He gave the human girl a reptilian arm, after all. Simple work to give this human... they looked like scales. He will go with scales.]] verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Yep. NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm *Pings Prowl. Good work, there.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm I would assume scales. NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm [[And yes, he is.]] verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Back up. SideswipeStriker 8:52 pm Ah... verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Double tap. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm If you have to look for a corpse, your foe is not dead enough yet. Kill it again. verdigrisprowl 8:53 pm At any rate, don't get out of the car. Keep driving. SideswipeStriker 8:53 pm Ah. NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm *Laserbeak comes down with Ravage, who has a mouthful of something. He wanders over to Swoop and promptly deposits it at Swoop's feet. Behold: a severed tongue.* {{Bird got it back.}} verdigrisprowl 8:53 pm Seriously? He blows off HOW many bullet shots, and now he's conveniently not wearing bulletproof armor? When and why did he take off his bulletproof armor? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:53 pm *peaks out from under the blanket, sees the tongue, and immediately starts SHRIEKING with laughter* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm No, he's not dead. SideswipeStriker 8:53 pm Ooooor not NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[Oh, really, Ravage. He thought he told you to get rid of that thing.]] opatoes 8:54 pm throw the gun at him! SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm Oh slag SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Throw the gun. NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm ((AW YEAH)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm ((PENGUINO)) Arcee-Autobot 8:54 pm Arcee took a seat on the Floor and Hugged her Knees watching what was on [[ Its a Pengu boiii]] verdigrisprowl 8:54 pm HA! NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm *Bird CACKLES* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm ...Oh no. SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm HAH opatoes 8:54 pm PHFFHF MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm *looks over at the sound and OADSIHFIAUDSHFJDSFHGKHDFKJND* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Finally, enough kill. Arcee-Autobot 8:54 pm That's going to leave a mark SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm Oh, oh that's a fun feeling SCProwl 8:55 pm *laughs* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm *could not laugh LOUDER than he is right now* *on the floor* *dying* verdigrisprowl 8:55 pm *covers mouth and collapses against Soundwave, shaking* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm *SO GOOD* SCProwl 8:55 pm W-well that's one way to make sure he won't come back a second time. NoodlesAtNight 8:55 pm *Soundwave valiantly tries to stay upright so Prowl has a support to laugh into. He's a bit wobbly himself, though.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:55 pm ((I can't fucking breathe, that was /hilarious/)) SideswipeStriker 8:55 pm ((THAT WAS AWESOME SCProwl 8:56 pm ((that was the best scene this entire season NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm ((i have been waiting m o n t h s in the hopes we would get to that so i could see y'all react)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm *the dragon hums contemplatively* They could have burned the rest of the effluvia as well. Leave no scrap behind. verdigrisprowl 8:56 pm ((it killed me)) SideswipeStriker 8:56 pm -face in knees, laughing still at the rocket launcher- MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm *actually flailing he's laughing so hard* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm ((I spat water on the computer and also the cat)) NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm {{Him Swoop dead. You Ravage take outside, bury.}} ((oh dear, poor cat)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:57 pm *lets out a squeak at the "threat" and is just so delighted by the entire world right now* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm ...Oh no. opatoes 8:57 pm ((i might head out because i'm too busy to stay but that was a good scene and D : NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm ((i'm glad you got to see that at least!!)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm ((the cat will forgive me later)) opatoes 8:57 pm Soundwave- Something came up in my universe, and I've gotta go, but- I'll catch up with you later? SideswipeStriker 8:57 pm ((awww ((g'night then! NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Oh? Be safe, then.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm Strange is starting a cult. Arcee-Autobot 8:59 pm *Arcee was pretty content hugging her knees wathcing* If she doesn't remind me of airachnid? SideswipeStriker 8:59 pm Yikes NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm ((also, while i have most of you here: starting s3 in about two months from now, y/n? i do warn that it has a creepy opening storyline because the mad hatter's in it, and that you're going to fucking hate the riddler if you don't already, but aside from that it's good stuff)) SideswipeStriker 8:59 pm Goddess of Fire huh? verdigrisprowl 8:59 pm I wonder what would have happened if she'd held still and refused to run. If she didn't serve as a "test," would Firefly refused to fight her? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:59 pm ((I'm in it for the long haul, man.)) SideswipeStriker 9:00 pm ((yeeeees MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm *flops out, limbs sliding out all over ot make himself into quite the lanky mess* ((I love harvey)) NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm [[He expects Bridgit would still burn her.]] verdigrisprowl 9:01 pm Mmm, yes, the fact that they're talking about sacrifices leads me to believe she might have just killed her anyway. But until then, it could've gone either way. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:01 pm Bird! You funny. Me Swoop love You : > NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm ((any other votes for y/n?)) verdigrisprowl 9:01 pm ((fine by me)) SCProwl 9:01 pm ((y SideswipeStriker 9:02 pm .....oh damn, there are more like Strange? NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm ((in two months it is then)) [[...Fascinating. His eyes have no color.]] SCProwl 9:02 pm ((i want to get us to s4 because. reasons NoodlesAtNight 9:03 pm {{You Swoop silly.}} *She pats him. Ravage goes over to curl around Soundwave's ankles.* Arcee-Autobot 9:03 pm *Arcee felt herself Physically cringe as she covered her face* gross.. verdigrisprowl 9:03 pm ((his superpower is that he's a comic book character)) SideswipeStriker 9:03 pm .............. NoodlesAtNight 9:03 pm *Perks.* [[Octopod DNA? Then that is the ability to-- oh, fascinating. Fascinating.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:04 pm *leans into the pats a bit* NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm @P: [[Strange has obviously never met Tarantulas.]] SCProwl 9:04 pm ((FIIIIISH verdigrisprowl 9:05 pm @S «Mm.» *he's too bothered by the whole "design their personas" bit to offer more of a reply than that.* SideswipeStriker 9:05 pm I....think it's a good thing I came tonight NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm *That's less amused than he would have expected in an ideal situation. He suspects they've reached big discomfort levels again. He'll make a hand available* NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm [[Oh? Why is that?]] SideswipeStriker 9:06 pm Uh....reasons verdigrisprowl 9:07 pm *... it was only a momentary flash of discomfort. ongoing comfort isn't needed. how does he indicate that?* NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm *Oh, and cuttlefish now? He's obviously getting into the good Earth animals. Too bad this is how he chooses to do it.* verdigrisprowl 9:07 pm *............ low-fives Soundwave's hand.* NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm {{Him got point.}} ((big flashy)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:07 pm *was too busy mooning over Bird to pay attention* Huh? NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm ((when it returns to her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:09 pm ((poor ed)) NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm *Soundwave tilts his head, trying to process what the hand slap means. It's not a proper slap - not angry - so that would make it... acknowledgment of hand presence? Which didn't linger. So Prowl knows it's there and didn't take it, yes? Then he's either all right or doesn't want that particular form. Soundwave will give a tiny nod and then let his hand settle back in his lap.* NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm {{Them bit about - "her already dead," about electric damage. It good point.}} *She's pretty sure Swoop wasn't listening but she tries anyway.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:10 pm Oh. *has no clue what Bird is referencing* Okay. : > NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm *Yep, that is one blank Swoop.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:11 pm You Bird tiniest visor eeeeeeever : > NoodlesAtNight 9:11 pm ((i LOVE this damn suit god)) verdigrisprowl 9:11 pm *look at that, Prowl aced that communication.* SCProwl 9:11 pm ((yass queen SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm *cackles* SideswipeStriker 9:12 pm Well SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm ((precision "bitch")) SideswipeStriker 9:12 pm Looks like, she came back with her memory Arcee-Autobot 9:12 pm *Arcee gave a little Happy Clap* verdigrisprowl 9:12 pm They mentioned that cuttlefish DNA enhances brains or something, didn't they? NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[That they can repair brain cells.]] *Nods. And smiles. Such good creatures. How happy he is that she can't be fed one of Strange's stories.* SideswipeStriker 9:13 pm Ooooo that could have done it verdigrisprowl 9:13 pm Yes, that. ... Cuttle Fish Mooney. NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[Heh.]] SCProwl 9:13 pm *huffs* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:13 pm Cuddle? :V *glances at Bird* NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm {{Oh, look there! It Arcee. Hi, Arcee.}} *Floats over to escape any possibility of huggy Swoop.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm *wilts just the tiniest bit* NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm *Attempts to perch on Arcee's head with both feelers.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm : < Arcee-Autobot 9:15 pm * Will only allow this because She is in a good mood* NoodlesAtNight 9:15 pm *...Bird wasn't expecting to be allowed to do this. She now has no idea what to do with this power.* *Sit there and preen, she supposes.* verdigrisprowl 9:15 pm ... They just, have him—hidden in the trunk, like— ...... Okay, I guess. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:16 pm *rolls on the ground to turn himself into a burrito* NoodlesAtNight 9:16 pm [[Oh, he kept his uniform?]] verdigrisprowl 9:17 pm ((i appreciate mr. fox subtly calling out how messed up the prison uniforms are)) SideswipeStriker 9:17 pm -snorts- NoodlesAtNight 9:17 pm ((same)) NoodlesAtNight 9:18 pm [[Do not drink it unless he does.]] SideswipeStriker 9:18 pm If he's smart he won't NoodlesAtNight 9:18 pm [[Rather a harsh punishment for bad joke telling.]] verdigrisprowl 9:19 pm *... suddenly huffs a laugh* NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm *Glance and tilt.* NoodlesAtNight 9:20 pm *Oh, it IS Shockwave. Hmm.* verdigrisprowl 9:20 pm Ah—reminded me of—something Tarantulas did. NoodlesAtNight 9:20 pm [[Ah.]] SCProwl 9:21 pm Ugh. SideswipeStriker 9:22 pm ......... verdigrisprowl 9:22 pm That's some spectacular victim blaming. SideswipeStriker 9:22 pm Kid, up your acting skills NoodlesAtNight 9:22 pm [[Isn't it, though.]] [[Good youngling.]] SideswipeStriker 9:23 pm Good kid, bad idea verdigrisprowl 9:23 pm Good, but stupid. Agree with the killer while you're in the room, go home, work against him. NoodlesAtNight 9:24 pm [[He does have much to learn.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:24 pm She did something. verdigrisprowl 9:25 pm ... ugh. *more mind control* verdigrisprowl 9:26 pm They have no appreciate for the scientific process. The fact that he hasn't succeeded /yet/ doesn't mean he's failed. That's nonsense. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:27 pm ((he did)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:27 pm ((of all the things to demand, I'm very entertained that's what she picked)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:28 pm ((to be fair, grilled cheese sandwiches are Tastey)) verdigrisprowl 9:28 pm ((on the one hand, the fact that she can control people to do her bidding is cool)) ((on the other hand, she's fish mooney. she already could do that.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:28 pm ((and goddamn is her hair perfect despite just being a corpse like half an hour ago)) SideswipeStriker 9:29 pm -back to silently watching the film- NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm *...Quietly hopes she will get her claws on Hugo Strange. If she has it, at least she could do some good for everyone with it.* {{What DNA them give her, dragon?}} [[No, no. It is the suit she had before.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:29 pm *is a wiggly burrito who is having a hard time not bursting into sympathy flames* : > SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm Her face didn't burn, either. NoodlesAtNight 9:30 pm [[They did say she'd become fireproof last time we saw her.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm Although, I must say, /I'm/ not fireproof. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm Me SWOOP am fireproof!!! NoodlesAtNight 9:30 pm {{...Maybe you dragon get him Swoop power.}} SideswipeStriker 9:31 pm Oh nice verdigrisprowl 9:31 pm Oh look, probable cause. ... They're going to be blown up, aren't they. SideswipeStriker 9:31 pm Probably SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:31 pm I think I'd have to eat him to get his power, and I don't want to do that. verdigrisprowl 9:31 pm This police department has the highest mortality rate. NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm [[It /is/ Gotham. He doesn't know many human cities with these kinds of superhumans in it.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:32 pm *Amused by Prowl's complete lack of faith in them, though.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:32 pm ((I love this Bruce but he is going to be so obviously, blatantly Batman once that time comes.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm [[...How does Strange know? A mole? Not that he would be surpr-- what in the Pits is that.]] verdigrisprowl 9:33 pm ((jim goes "who are you?" and bruce growls "i'm batman" and jim goes ah god fuck bruce kid that's not even convincing)) NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm [[Are they baking him...?]] SideswipeStriker 9:33 pm Um NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm ((lmao)) verdigrisprowl 9:34 pm ((turtleneck)) NoodlesAtNight 9:34 pm [[His neck looks nothing like a turtle's.]] verdigrisprowl 9:34 pm ... I don't actually know what a turtle's neck looks like. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((OH IT'S CLAYFACE)) NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm [[Very wrinkly, shades of green, black, grey, and brown.]] ((YES IT IS 😀 )) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:35 pm ((This Riddler is so strong at some points and so wat at others.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm ((octopuses can mimic, after all)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((that took me a lil too long)) SideswipeStriker 9:35 pm Um.... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((durr)) That is decidedly not how evolution works. SideswipeStriker 9:36 pm Okay, I'm a bit worried They're all nuts NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm [[Well, yes.]] SideswipeStriker 9:37 pm ......right, asylum NoodlesAtNight 9:37 pm [[A human Makeshift, then.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm *As he suspected.* SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm No idea who Makeshift is, but damn SCProwl 9:38 pm Shapeshifter. SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm Good disguise SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:38 pm ((BRB, gotta restart computer. it is drunk)) SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm Oh! Nice. NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm ((go go go good episode)) SideswipeStriker 9:39 pm Well shit NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm *She stretches a feeler out to the rag filled with food and brings it close to herself for maximum munch.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:39 pm ((My internet is so jumpy tonight I can barely watch. It's getting too crunchy. Everyone enjoy just having a swoop burrito asleep in the middle of Dancitron. Feel free to trip on him lol)) NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm ((aaaaah okay ;; i'm so sorry)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:39 pm ((later!)) NoodlesAtNight 9:40 pm *Oh, yes. Ravage told him about this. Hand available again.* verdigrisprowl 9:41 pm *shudders* *this time, he'll take it.* Arcee-Autobot 9:41 pm *Arcee Physically covered her face and winced* verdigrisprowl 9:41 pm *a needle in your neck that forces you to give up your secrets* NoodlesAtNight 9:41 pm *Squeezes it gently. Prowl can crush his hand as much as he needs for this.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:41 pm ((am back)) NoodlesAtNight 9:41 pm *Laserbeak pats Arcee.* ((wb)) SideswipeStriker 9:41 pm ......................... SideswipeStriker 9:42 pm -mutters- VERY good thing I came today SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:42 pm ((this is not a good jim)) NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm ((one of my favorite things in any tv show/movie is an actor having to pretend to do a bad job of their own acting)) ((this episode is, therefore, utterly delightful)) verdigrisprowl 9:42 pm He's a very bad Gym. ((it's a delight)) NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm [[For one thing, he smiles far too much.]] verdigrisprowl 9:43 pm And Gym would never say "he's connected to people we can't cross." He'd drive directly to those people's houses, and cross them. NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm *Soft snort.* SideswipeStriker 9:43 pm From the sounds of the guy, he'd more run them OVER NoodlesAtNight 9:44 pm [[That is technically still crossing them. Just... more directly.]] verdigrisprowl 9:44 pm No, running them over wouldn't let him punch them in the face. SideswipeStriker 9:45 pm Fair enough, but damn he'd not say that NoodlesAtNight 9:45 pm [[She is a living being.]] SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm She's kinda...uh....wow SCProwl 9:46 pm Scientists like her and Strange don't care. *the Shockwave is implied* NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm *Approves of Penguin's trophy-keeping habit.* SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm That's decaying verdigrisprowl 9:46 pm ((i think this is the only moment i've ever liked barbara)) SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm Be better if it wasn't NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[He's a criminal overlord, not a taxidermist.]] SideswipeStriker 9:47 pm ......true NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Yes. Yes, it was, Jim.]] *Bristles at this "imagine I am god" business* verdigrisprowl 9:48 pm *squeezes* NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm *Squeezes back.* SideswipeStriker 9:48 pm So. I don't like him NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm [[He does not blame you.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:49 pm [[...This is an intriguing question.]] verdigrisprowl 9:49 pm Well, NOW he's heard of a secret council. SideswipeStriker 9:50 pm ...... SCProwl 9:50 pm I doubt Strange intends to let him live. NoodlesAtNight 9:50 pm [[It sounds as though you are correct.]] verdigrisprowl 9:50 pm Ah, fair. SideswipeStriker 9:51 pm -huffs- NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm [[Oh, that is cruel.]] *He wanted to know.* verdigrisprowl 9:51 pm I think Strange gave us the answer. NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm [[Well, yes. But he wants to know who this masked council IS.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:52 pm [[If they control Gotham, they do a terrible job of it.]] verdigrisprowl 9:52 pm I doubt he'd have told Add. SideswipeStriker 9:52 pm Um..... NoodlesAtNight 9:52 pm [[Probably not, no.]] *That is some Disappointment tone.* [[He must have hit the wrong button.]] SideswipeStriker 9:53 pm Pffff NoodlesAtNight 9:53 pm [[So do it. He wants to know.]] verdigrisprowl 9:54 pm ((i could make that mask)) NoodlesAtNight 9:54 pm ((they're gorgeous masks)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((lmao very very bad jim)) SideswipeStriker 9:55 pm Heh NoodlesAtNight 9:55 pm ((COMPLICATED POLICE BUSINESS)) SideswipeStriker 9:56 pm Disguise ain't good if you don't have the facts to back it up verdigrisprowl 9:56 pm I suppose the disguise only needs to work for a few hours. SCProwl 9:56 pm *huffs* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:57 pm *snickers* NoodlesAtNight 9:57 pm [[He didn't deny it.]] =She is good cat, for a human.= SideswipeStriker 9:57 pm True verdigrisprowl 9:58 pm *moving people like cargo.* SideswipeStriker 9:58 pm And.....holy shit. verdigrisprowl 9:59 pm *why is there always MORE of this stuff?* *why does the quantity never decrease? one person stops being mind-controlled and a new person learns to mind control. it never ends. prowl can't stand it.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:59 pm She's going to eat him alive. SideswipeStriker 9:59 pm -because this series hates Prowl and anyone that went through what he has- verdigrisprowl 10:00 pm ((she didn't even mind control the other orderlies. they're just like "yeah okay we're following patient 13 now i guess")) NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((they get paid either way, what do they care lol)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm ((to be fair, if Strange was my boss...)) SideswipeStriker 10:01 pm ((true enough NoodlesAtNight 10:02 pm *At least they have a vague idea something's wrong here.* *Too bad they think it's because he's ill.* SideswipeStriker 10:02 pm -heavy sigh- verdigrisprowl 10:03 pm Is she going to be the one who figures it out. Ah. NoodlesAtNight 10:03 pm [[...Oh, that is disgusting.]] [[At least /someone/ worked it out.]] SideswipeStriker 10:04 pm Hoooo boy NoodlesAtNight 10:05 pm ((i love that shot)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm ((fight! fight! fight! fight!)) SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm ((it's awesome SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm Oh, dear. He's dead. SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm HOLY SLAG verdigrisprowl 10:05 pm ((damn, i was looking in another window)) SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm Buddy, he ain't wakin' up NoodlesAtNight 10:05 pm ((i'll screencap it in a bit)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:06 pm Huh. He's /not/ dead. NoodlesAtNight 10:06 pm [[No doubt he is not well, at least.]] SideswipeStriker 10:07 pm WHAT SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:07 pm FAIRLY LOW IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER NoodlesAtNight 10:07 pm [[...He must be very scared of this council if that is his answer.]] SideswipeStriker 10:07 pm Hooooooly shit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:08 pm ((lmao "fair enough")) verdigrisprowl 10:08 pm Don't say "just do it," "there's going to be a radioactive explosion if you don't" is a perfectly good explanation. SideswipeStriker 10:08 pm Good answer verdigrisprowl 10:08 pm What do you have against giving a normal, reasonable explanation. NoodlesAtNight 10:08 pm [[A temper?]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:08 pm Huh, the riddling human is as clever as before. NoodlesAtNight 10:09 pm [[Why would he not be?]] verdigrisprowl 10:09 pm ... Would pushing the red button again pause it. SideswipeStriker 10:09 pm Or it could set it off. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm [[Likely not. Large red buttons tend to be... final.]] *Nods in agreement with Sideswipe* *VERY scared, if he's not even running after all his self-preservation behavior* verdigrisprowl 10:10 pm They took the time to lock him up again? Why? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:10 pm ...I feel like that should not work. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm [[He can't imagine they want him running around again.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:11 pm [[--Oh!]] *Huffing* SideswipeStriker 10:11 pm HAH Oh man, the luck on those two verdigrisprowl 10:12 pm Nobody's here, he can just climb out the vents again. NoodlesAtNight 10:12 pm [[Perhaps he will, when he calms down?]] verdigrisprowl 10:12 pm He'll have to do it fast, police are swarming the compound now. SideswipeStriker 10:13 pm Um.... NoodlesAtNight 10:14 pm [[That car is too small to win a game of cryochicken.]] verdigrisprowl 10:14 pm A moment of silence for the cop car that's about to get flattened. SideswipeStriker 10:14 pm That's an armored bus BAD IDEA NoodlesAtNight 10:14 pm [[But a valiant car nonetheless.]] [[Well. Human.]] SideswipeStriker 10:14 pm -winces- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:15 pm *oof* SideswipeStriker 10:15 pm Oh, that's right, she used to be his boss SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:15 pm He shot her in the knee. He also shot the Penguin human in the knee, though. NoodlesAtNight 10:16 pm [[So much for loyalty.]] *Pause.* [[But then, he supposes he would be disturbed by an undead version of his bosses.]] SideswipeStriker 10:16 pm Yeah, I'd be running too verdigrisprowl 10:16 pm Did he know she'd supposedly died? I thought she was... off by herself when that happened. SideswipeStriker 10:16 pm ....ish NoodlesAtNight 10:17 pm [[He knew. He was there when Penguin pushed her over the cliff wall.]] SideswipeStriker 10:17 pm Kid is going diggin verdigrisprowl 10:18 pm ... Didn't she survive that and end up on that island? He's made too many attempts on her life, I can't keep track. I don't remember which one actually killed her. SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Um.... NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[No, no. The island was before that. She came back, attempted a coup, and was killed.]] SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Oh no NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[...Oh, this won't be good.]] SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Lady, RUN verdigrisprowl 10:19 pm ((they'd BETTER be nice to her, she let them out)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:19 pm ((no good deed goes unpunished)) NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm [[....What.]] SideswipeStriker 10:19 pm WHAT verdigrisprowl 10:20 pm ((GOOD. they were nice to her.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm [[Well. Now he has TWO things he wants to know.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:20 pm *the dragon stretches* Thank you for movie night, Soundwave! SCProwl 10:20 pm Only two? NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm [[You are welcome, dragon.]] [[Well. Two /main/ things. He always wants to know much, much more than that.]] SideswipeStriker 10:20 pm The mimic thing, guy, wasn't on the bus! NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm ((time marker, 10:41)) [[Of course not. He had already gotten out to play Jim.]] SideswipeStriker 10:21 pm The what was that? NoodlesAtNight 10:21 pm [[He has not the faintest idea.]] verdigrisprowl 10:22 pm Maybe there were two. NoodlesAtNight 10:22 pm [[...Actually - he does wonder. The Loeb human kept his daughter hidden because he did not want anyone to know about her. Perhaps this is the case with this human? Bruce's father already kept secrets.]] verdigrisprowl 10:22 pm Secret twin? SCProwl 10:22 pm A clone or a twin. NoodlesAtNight 10:22 pm [[Perhaps?]] SideswipeStriker 10:22 pm Huh Could work NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm [[Then again, he did seem pleased with Basil's ability. Perhaps they /did/ make another shapeshifter. It would be useful.]] *Tapping his fingers.* SCProwl 10:23 pm Though them being a twin seems to go against everything we've heard about Bruce's father. SideswipeStriker 10:23 pm Soooo a clone verdigrisprowl 10:23 pm Maybe the twin was kidnapped at birth and Brace's parents were told the second one died. SCProwl 10:24 pm That is a possibility. SideswipeStriker 10:24 pm Wouldn't they want to see the body at least? NoodlesAtNight 10:24 pm [[He /has/ heard stories of humans kidnapping offspring while still in the hospital.]] [[Oh, that is a good point too... of course, a Gotham hospital /would/ be so corrupt as to find a way to lie about it.]] verdigrisprowl 10:25 pm ((until i find out who he is, i'm dubbing him Woose Brain.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm [[Surely not /every/ human newbuild survives...]]

((omg)) SideswipeStriker 10:25 pm But against a couple like the Waynes? NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm [[Why not? Strange kept secrets from him.]] [[And was his best friend.]] verdigrisprowl 10:25 pm Worth millions in hostage fees down the line. SideswipeStriker 10:25 pm -huffs- True SideswipeStriker 10:26 pm Forgot this is Strange we're talkin' about Arcee-Autobot 10:26 pm [[ Im currently Video chatting with a New Knockout Page, so Knockout says Hello!]] NoodlesAtNight 10:27 pm ((hi knockout!)) [[That is a long, long term game for a human. The hostage fees. It would be most impressive... and within Strange's ability to scheme, he'd think.]] SCProwl 10:28 pm Well, I suppose we'll find out eventually if you show more recordings of that universe. NoodlesAtNight 10:29 pm [[He thinks he would like to, as... mm, aggravating as some things about it can be, sometimes. He really would like to find out how deep this conspiracy goes.]] SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm Same here SCProwl 10:30 pm Agreed. Either way, I need to be getting back. Good night, everyone. SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm 'night! NoodlesAtNight 10:30 pm *"Aggravating" being polite term for "all this damn mind control", and all.* [[Ah. Goodnight.]] SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm Annnnnd on that note, I gotta get goin' myself SideswipeStriker 10:31 pm Later! NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm [[Very well. Tell Blaster and Sunstreaker hello for him, would you?]] Arcee-Autobot 10:32 pm *Arcee is still very much Here, and Enjoying a cold drink* NoodlesAtNight 10:33 pm *She may be if she wishes - for another eight minutes, at least.* [[You have been gone quite a while. No great threats to your timeline, he hopes...?]] Arcee-Autobot 10:34 pm No great threats I promise Arcee-Autobot 10:35 pm Just Knockout constantly asking for my attention 😅 NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[Hm. Can't reach a spot on his back with his buffer, he expects.]] Arcee-Autobot 10:37 pm Exactly correct actually but now its handled NoodlesAtNight 10:38 pm [[Good, good. The Doctor can be temperamental when he isn't in tip top shape.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm [[But now, he must close for the night. There is much cleaning to do.]] *Stares at Swoop's soot marks.* [[Much, much cleaning.]] Arcee-Autobot 10:39 pm *Arcee will have to go soon, but wouldn't mind if anyone wished to invade her Ask box* verdigrisprowl 10:39 pm I'll help. NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm *Perhaps he will do so soon. He's been Quiet lately.* [[Ah, thank you, Prowl.]] verdigrisprowl 10:39 pm *"""lately"""* Arcee-Autobot 10:40 pm Alright I'm going to go, See you both Later NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm *Listen here, you.* [[Farewell, Arcee. He hopes you will attend again soon.]] verdigrisprowl 10:40 pm *LISTEN TO WHAT* *vague farewell nod to arcee* NoodlesAtNight 10:41 pm *LOOK, HE TALKS IN HEADS. IT COUNTS.* [[Thank you for your offer of assistance. The day the Autobots in that timeline ever teach Swoop manners is the day he will have to retire.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm *Vents and stretches feelers back to get rags and a spray bottle of solvent to get to work on the floor. From a sitting down position for the moment, because he'll let Prowl decide when to get up.* verdigrisprowl 10:43 pm *he was about to head for them himself. He thought he was going to clean the floor. apparently not.* ... Who's doing what? NoodlesAtNight 10:44 pm [[He thought he should tackle the graffiti soot, as he did draw in it himself as well. If you would like to handle the furniture...? He is certain you have seen him put the pieces back more than enough times to track where they go - and likely better than his own deployers, at that.]] verdigrisprowl 10:46 pm Yyyyes, I know where they go. *can he LIFT them is the question. how much of a load can a holomatter avatar carry. how heavy are the chairs.* NoodlesAtNight 10:47 pm *Soundwave pauses mid scrubbing motion.* [[Hesitation?]] *Prowl doesn't usually elongate a sound like that.* verdigrisprowl 10:48 pm ... I don't know if I can lift them. *TIME TO FIND OUT* NoodlesAtNight 10:49 pm [[...Oh. He never thought of that.]] *He stops to watch, curious as anything now.* *The couches are fairly heavy, but the tables and individual chairs shouldn't be too bad. It's not as though he ever needs to use the Tyton-sized ones for these nights, after all.* verdigrisprowl 10:50 pm *he'll start small and work up. tables first.* NoodlesAtNight 10:51 pm *Brings a hand up to rest his chin on his knuckles. Nothing wrong with a good bit of observing a handsome mech in action.* verdigrisprowl 10:52 pm *he's a couple tables in when he realizes that he may, in fact, actually be slowing productivity down.* ... So far so good. NoodlesAtNight 10:53 pm *...Oh! Oh. Yes. He should. He should be productive, shouldn't he. While he watches. He was supposed to learn that lesson last week, after - er. After that conversation.*

*So he'll keep his optics on Prowl and scrub at the soot again. There we go.* NoodlesAtNight 10:54 pm [[What happens if you cannot lift it in your avatar state? Does it--]] *Wiggles the fingers under his chin.* [[Slide through your hands, or...?]] verdigrisprowl 10:55 pm If an avatar is hit with a load that will shatter it, it turns off and reboots. I suspect trying to lift something too big for it to support will yield the same results, although I haven't tried. NoodlesAtNight 10:56 pm [[...We could find out. Unless the shattering is painful.]] verdigrisprowl 10:56 pm Only a little. verdigrisprowl 10:57 pm Anyway, I'm about to find out one way or another. *he's about to the couches.* NoodlesAtNight 10:58 pm *Scrubs faster in anticipation and leans forward. That floor is going to be SHINY clean with how productive he's trying to be to make up for his distraction.* verdigrisprowl 10:58 pm *surveys a couch criticially. circles it once. hmmm.* verdigrisprowl 10:59 pm *crouches down and attempts to lift it from the middle. nope. not moving.* *moves to one side and tries to lift the end. it barely lifts. sets it back down.* *regards it contemplatively.* NoodlesAtNight 11:00 pm *Oh, this is damned thrilling. It's like a movie. Will he lift it or won't he? It's ridiculous and such a little thing but Soundwave just Has To Know.* verdigrisprowl 11:00 pm *heAVES UP THE END* verdigrisprowl 11:01 pm *his avatar pops and resets, standing up, a few feet away. the couch crashes back down.* Hm. ... Sorry. NoodlesAtNight 11:02 pm *Soundwave lets out a long vent and collapses back against the couch he's currently sitting on, disappointed and yet not at all.* [[Do not be. Now he knows, and that is his favorite thing.]] verdigrisprowl 11:02 pm No no, I meant for dropping it. I'm not done. NoodlesAtNight 11:02 pm [[Oh, and he has gotten all the soo--]] *Sits up again and peers at the couch.* [[You're not done?]] verdigrisprowl 11:02 pm No. verdigrisprowl 11:03 pm *another moment of quiet calculation.* NoodlesAtNight 11:03 pm *Debates getting up to clean something else. ... One feeler to grab himself a snack while the other one puts the rest of the fuel away. He's right here munching and mesmerized.* *He does so love having extra limbs at times like this. Especially ones that do their own seeing.* verdigrisprowl 11:03 pm *then he scales up to 41 feet and... 3.2 inches.* NoodlesAtNight 11:04 pm [[Primus--]] *Oh no, he's hot. Ter.* verdigrisprowl 11:04 pm *the couch is MUCH easier to lift now* *sets it in place, and shrinks back down.* Yeah, I didn't like that. NoodlesAtNight 11:05 pm [[That's - it's quite all right. It's fine. You do not have to do it again. Though it was - impressive.]] verdigrisprowl 11:05 pm New plan. NoodlesAtNight 11:06 pm *Faintly, and bordering on hysteria* [[New plan?]] *Prowl's going to kill him. This is a murder attempt.* verdigrisprowl 11:06 pm *a space bridge opens underneath one couch. rather than the couch falling through the bridge, the bridge lifts up around the couch, until the couch has disappeared and the bridge shuts off.* verdigrisprowl 11:07 pm *the process is repeated where the couch is supposed to go, except this time the couch is emerging from the bottom of the bridge instead of disappearing into the top.* *ta da. didn't even drop.* NoodlesAtNight 11:07 pm *Stares. Openly. With a tee tiny o shape to his mouth.* NoodlesAtNight 11:08 pm [[...Why has he never thought of that?]] verdigrisprowl 11:08 pm Probably because you can lift them yourself. verdigrisprowl 11:09 pm *gets to work neatly banishing and re-summoning the remaining couches, one by one* NoodlesAtNight 11:09 pm [[Oh. Yes, he - he can, yes. That does make sense.]] *He'd be more composed there but he's watching Prowl pull this stunt multiple times, and damned if he isn't happy that he helped Prowl with what little bit Prowl didn't already figure out on his own. What a brilliant, creative mech his Prowl is.* verdigrisprowl 11:11 pm *and the deed is finished.* *looks at soundwave.* *completely deadpan:* Trap doors. NoodlesAtNight 11:12 pm *Slooooowly slides his face into the hand that was supporting his chin* verdigrisprowl 11:12 pm *proud* NoodlesAtNight 11:13 pm *Three affection pings. Even if he's quietly puffing into his skinny stick fingers while he does it.* verdigrisprowl 11:13 pm *ping ping ping* NoodlesAtNight 11:14 pm [[When should he expect--]] *Deep vent in. Come on, pull yourself together.* [[When should he expect your transfer to the arts and entertainment sector?]] verdigrisprowl 11:15 pm *barks a laugh* verdigrisprowl 11:16 pm When two plus two equals five. NoodlesAtNight 11:20 pm [[Pity. You would probably be a popular stage act here with some of the skills you've shown him over the years.]] *Finally gets up to offer a tiny bit of clapping and then finish up the bar cleanup.* [[But, you are an enforcer at spark, and who you are at spark is who he likes best. He will simply have to enjoy your juggling, balancing, and bridging in private.]] verdigrisprowl 11:21 pm *stops and thinks about that* ... I /do/ have enough tricks for a stage show. NoodlesAtNight 11:22 pm [[You do. You've never thought about that?]] verdigrisprowl 11:23 pm I can't say I've ever contemplated putting on a stage show, so no. NoodlesAtNight 11:25 pm *Nods. He's not that surprised by it.* [[Well, at least you know you have another potential cover should you ever have to be part of a big operation somewhere.]] verdigrisprowl 11:26 pm The ruse would fall apart the moment I opened my mouth. I do not have the demeanor of an entertainer. NoodlesAtNight 11:28 pm [[/That,/]] *waving one of the last snacks he's putting away before popping a piece in his mouth* [[is what long-distance audio broadcasts are for. Besides - there have been plenty of silent actors and entertainers. Some of the old human Earth ones he's seen you enjoy, even.]] verdigrisprowl 11:29 pm I do not have enough mobile parts in my face, much less the knowledge on how to use them, to be a Harpo. NoodlesAtNight 11:31 pm *Lightly dismissive gesture.* [[Masks only add to the mystery. But, he does not mean to push - only to offer ideas. If they do not suit you, they do not suit you, and that is as it is. Besides, there are already artists and entertainers in this building. A police officer - now that is a very different thing.]] *That is a very wide grin. He knows how shady they can be, and he knows Prowl knows too.* NoodlesAtNight 11:32 pm [[Thank you for moving the furniture. It was a welcome display of persistence and intellect.]] verdigrisprowl 11:32 pm It was also slow. It'll be faster next week. NoodlesAtNight 11:33 pm [[Oh? You mean to do that again, then?]] *Chews on that thought a moment.* [[Perhaps he'll trade a few of the pieces around from where they usually are on movie nights. Give you a bit of a game.]] verdigrisprowl 11:34 pm ... I'm trying to help you clean. I—I think we might have lost sight of that objective. NoodlesAtNight 11:35 pm [[There's no reason we can't enjoy the cleaning we do. It's certainly a mood lightener after half of Swoop's messes.]] NoodlesAtNight 11:36 pm [[In any case, it's clean in here now. The objective was completed.]] verdigrisprowl 11:37 pm Eventually, yes. I wouldn't call it a job well done, but at least it's a job done. NoodlesAtNight 11:38 pm [[It will do. He is coming to accept the realization that the first floor of his club will only be spotless from Tuesday nights through Friday afternoons.]] verdigrisprowl 11:40 pm ... Next week you'll be less distracted and I'll be faster. *he wants you to have that spotless club, soundwave* NoodlesAtNight 11:42 pm [[Oh, it isn't your fault. It is the nature of the general company he keeps. But he appreciates that. He is sure that between us, we will get as close to that as is possible.]] *You're so sweet, Prowl. Also, you can probably see why he tends to keep the apartment as close to sparkling as possible.* verdigrisprowl 11:43 pm It's not my fault, but it doesn't mean I can't help. NoodlesAtNight 11:44 pm *And helpful. Sweet and helpful. A proper good cop in the works if ever he saw one.* [[Thank you for that.]] *Offers a bunt?* verdigrisprowl 11:45 pm *he will lean in to accept it* NoodlesAtNight 11:47 pm *Bump. ... And quick affectionate nip. He just - has a lot of things he thinks and feels but cannot say, even if he /is/ the one of them that manages to talk about such things with less trouble.* NoodlesAtNight 11:48 pm [[So, then. What do you care to do with the rest of your evening? More bridging tricks? Rest? Ticket writing for Swoop's soot?]] *Curious tilt.* verdigrisprowl 11:48 pm *... he's gonna lean into that, too.* NoodlesAtNight 11:48 pm *Oh, oh, that's lovely. Good. Good.* verdigrisprowl 11:49 pm *that may end up being the answer to Soundwave's question.* NoodlesAtNight 11:51 pm *Oh! Well, then. He'll test tugging Prowl up closer to see if he can get away with settling his hands on those hip lights and nibbling again. Have to make sure. Good communications officers always double-check their work.* verdigrisprowl 11:53 pm *soundwave will be pleased to learn that he can, in fact, get away with all of the above, provided Prowl is allowed to get his hands around Soundwave's waist and find some biolights to trace* NoodlesAtNight 11:55 pm *Pleased isn't the word for it, but if it were? Yes. Yes, he is. And so is Prowl. Best they be left to that in peace - only one person here is a spy, after all. It'd be rude to step on such a fine, upstanding professional's toes.* verdigrisprowl 11:56 pm *indeed it would. a little privacy, then.*

#chat

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bluepenguinstories · 5 years

Text

Intention Headaches Chapter Four

Croaking, creaky, doors to heaven or a flash of bright lights reminiscent of a distant city for gambling purposes. Seed or glitter tossed to the audience of bird; dove and pigeon swooped down from above in the guise of hundreds of humans, all ready for a night of party. Sign changed to that of a welcoming invitation, an embrace fulfilled.

Swooners and swingers, uppers and downers. Sitters and stands found their places, some on stages, some in the dimmer recesses. In the middle of it all, a mild-mannered strict enforcer of peace among chaos cleaned glasses.

Some folks, card and dice in hand, bet high stakes; those playing Russian Roulette with a full clip. Some were on their last leg. There was one, solitaire player, alone at a table, with two legs, and mouth full of stake.

She had become without arm nor ornament, having to chew the fat and whatever else was left through the means as one would have at a pie-eating contest; mouth against the table, table against the grain. Although a steak, recent losses also reduced the quality to that of a super rare rather plus ultra.

“How goes your loss of arms?” One privateer sans privacy peeked at two stumps beside a line added.

“Shit's easy 'cept can't afford prosthetic 'til our gang gets a win. Love usin' my mouth, however.”

Sage nod, wisdom as a slow up and down motion.

“Experience any phantom limb?” Phantom crook hovered over, pale and ghastly gourd in hand.

“Don't believe in ghosts.”

Damned nod dawned on hovering attention hoarders.

Toward center:

“I had a wife once,” said old friend to tender of bars.

“I know,” gave a master of tender bars.

Old friend man strolled toward former owner of arms. He relaxed a pat on a shoulder, lest a back be pat.

“One day my story will be told,” he assured more lines added.

“Yeah, and who's gonna tell it, asshole?” She shot back, less with a gun and rather chunks of meat flying from a gaping hole in a face where food at times enters. “'Cause if it's from you, it's not worth hearing about!”

His stature was far from a statue, yet his manner was monumental. Rather chipped shoulder came crashing down, upside on a frown.

“It becomes more clear.”

However, smudged was what entered from behind a hue.

“What do you have against autobiographies? My dear, a automatic biological response toward the self is a circular motion. Jerking, ever forward, sliding sleight of hand marks for a rotary notary.”

Add a shiver to a line. Creep tingled spine.

Behind, vociferous virginal cackle crackled. Stooped stature. One and only entrance, where all else was least expected.

“It has come to my attention that my family of misfits have suffered some losses!” Such an announcement. “No more! I say! We shall overcome this laboratory love, seek shelter from ourselves! Turn inward and a new leaf forward! All who join my gang today gain free drinks on me!”

Thunderous lightning in bottles.

Adeline kept head down, as head above water came skin deep.

“There are two I fear: Sylvie and Virginia.”

To the other Woolfs, howls were deafening. Fangs were spiked in drinks. Yet, when in the presence of a Virginia, her commands were akin to carrying rocks in one's pockets and heading out to sea.

Right on cue, a tunic beat sprung from leaps and bounds of snapping fingers, rickety floorboards, and pickled shoelaces. Such a hall dedicated to tango. Dancers took a new center stage. Pinstripe, tuxedo, tutu, and tunic.

“May I have this dance?” One said to the other.

“No,” other said to one.

The two proceeded to tango. Separately. Creating their own moves. Spun and hiss from the potter's wheel.

“Sing us a song, piano man!” One in the crowd cheered and jeered, a jaunty musk enchanted a nostril torpedo humanoid.

Tune in minor D, flat. Singing in major G, sharp.

“I was born in an institution, so take me to the institution. Hollow out my skull for me, baby.”

Everyone snapped their fingers, sans those without or those with taste buds. Budding tastes abased. Upper right square, centerfold, holy ritualistic loneliness devoured a devout silent speaker.

Muttered, a sufferer. Alone, red wine.

“The church claims to hand out prayers to those in need. The church claims to heal all those with wounds. But how can such wounds be shaved when they come from the hands of one above? How can prayers reach, how can one pray, when one is prey to a praying mantis?”

Her words were a sermon, to and from her alone. All those to see, herself. Though there were two, seeing her.

“Annie, the sharpshooter. Tricky, thick needle. Not one made claim to touch her.”

One of two. Pointer. Point and jeer.

“Sharpshooter or fragile flower?”

Other, drinker. Just as most. Mostly morose.

“Church. We've been over this. Bullets. She knows this.”

“Her mother keeps a keen eye.”

“Of the Sextons?”

“Not one made claim to touch her, but one.”

Turtle and porcupine pawned a torch through a blazing trail, overheard outcrop of silent words.

“Yo, Buddy?”

Turtle had a back, no shell.

“Was that my name?”

“Such a dilemma, that Annie case.”

“Which one?”

Porcupine did a sit, then pointed to a sit, then took a stand. Syd was still on the fence. Respect on a mend.

“I respect women, but what about women who disrespect women?”

Turtle dove, diving down a crown.

“Respect a little less?”

Adeline, minding less of a mind and a little more risky business, less stake for steak, took to munching carpet. Similar texture, less cost.

Decimation, ten of them. Torturous conditions. Smaller and smaller, then lesser and greater than the sum of their tears for fears. Out on the other end, next kareoke session.

“My cue!” Glee, jitter bug and shut-in cough tourist.

As all else, empty, Syd, short for a name forbidden, spoke aloud.

“MOOD CHANGE TONIGHT!” Brought impassioned introduction, then a sing along to a line of lyric. “GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUUUUN!”

Abridged, bridged gaps, two ladies took hands. Unmarried, unbridled, in bridal regalia as regal as larked tongue.

“Why do you date him?” Lustrous loss owner inquired.

“He's harmless. Undangerous man, a safe, sure bet.” She curled over her hair, flexing her neck, sticking it outward in case ladies were to observe. Star tattooed, shoreline above the mantle.

Annie, less drink, more sorrow. Sylvie, more observant, sharp gaze.

“I prefer not to comment.”

“Leader of Sextons, her mother. Weren't the three of us in the same hospital?” Less Victoria, more Virginia mouthed audible.

“I share not her views. We begin and end with being acquainted.”

“Oh, come on, dear,” Sizzled, swizzled nails. Swerved, curly hair. White, silver, grey, painted. Glasses that zoom in and out of frame. “Do we not share our fascinations with death? Look around us, we have all suffered losses. We are dead among the dead. Is that not cause for celebration?”

Silent. Serene. Hostile.

“There are a million reasons to die. There are a million reasons to live. Regardless, we all experience one and the other at one point or another.”

“Hmph. Well, darling. We could talk for days about it.”

“Between nature and nurture, I do not force hands.”

She strode her stroll toward a grassy knoll within inner chambers of a table toward the back, varnished and vanished driftwood matte. Drink, had hand tilted with glass. Knotty bramble ale, crisp to the core of an apple and cider.

“I think I don't want society, but then I think I want society because society wants me to want society,” silver, slivered Syl.

“Societal pressures?” Verge in a woman inquiry.

“More that I don't know what I want if I don't have it. But do I only not want it because it wants me to not want it? And when I want it do I want it because it wants me to want it or is it my own desire? Do I desire to live in a society, or live outside? Do I desire to live, or without?”

Another fucking sip, babes took their places, hips and waist belly dances. Boomed a bounce off another end of another corner, crowd gathered to sharks and gatherers.

“I once knew a man named Dave,” dealer dealt shame.

“Say, pal, y'bought any penises recently?”

“Couldn't afford it. Couldn't win enough missions. Tried going in, trying on different dicks. Saw a penis I liked and asked the register. Clerk clocked me. Caught me and coughed up foul interplay of lessons in lack of funds and lack of missions won. Said come back when gang's more renowned. Screwed up, balls of screws.”

“What about a vagina?”

“Those are in even rarer supplies, mate. Try buyin' pussy and folks say 'our selection is for higher ranks. Come back with a little more, no a lot. Lot and lot of renown. Everyone wants one, those who can fit into one can't afford to have one. Now, them Hemingways, too good, little respect. Ain't know what to do. Men who love men, ain't go for dick, ain't try on pussy. Tell ya what's what?”

“My life's a litter box,” interjected strands of hair attached to a face, earl and mache.

“What, Dave?”

“We talking about cats? Because I own a house full. Over 20.”

“Yes, we know, Dave.”

“Y'know,” sized up undulate leader sliced up with a ruler lines of coke. “People think I do drugs, but I DO NOT DO DRUGS. What especially gets me is when they think I do heroin. No. None in this household. I am a vegan. I AM KOSHER. There are those who would call me a post-modernist, but lemme tell you guys somethin': if you measure out the diameter of a filthy swimming pool, describe the height, length, width, dimension, how clean the pool is and what made up the filth in the pool, in details, y'know what that is? REALISM. The real post-modernism is modernism, if you ask me. If you're too afraid to do a little research, then maybe DON'T GO OUT IN THE FIELD.”

Spread out were the cocaine powder locomotive rollercoaster. Salt or sugar, bitter pickle, all snow white.

“Now, anyone want some? I can't have any, I'm allergic.”

Grime, grit, salami-based muscle, pungent four fingers and a thumb attached to a potato called a palm reached for the flour, only for Dave to slap it away.

“Just so you know, a footnote is an endnote if it's at the end.”

Syl emerged from her drink, still in.

“Problem with Hemingway, when us women are ill, we are seen as the illness. When those men are ill, they are martyrs, brave soldiers. We are sent away to a hospital. To get better. Do we get better? Do we get worse? I think we change, in and out, there is a change, no doubt.” Slow sips.

“I'M JUST A GIRL, THAT'S ALL THAT YOU'LL LET ME BEEEEEE--”

Syd's singing. Unprompted.

Syl laugh. She does on alcohol.

“Do you love him?” Virginal census.

“I think I love love,” first responders. “I think I love loving love. But do I love? I think I would love to.”

“Are you in love?”

“Is love something to you as it is to me? I love love as a being, in or out. Am I being in love? I am loving being.”

Hunched, secrets whispered, lungs scattered. Liquids spilled. Glass intact. Bile of much knotty bramble.

“With me,” virgin of the wolfs. “We have much to discuss in the toilets.”

Two ladies followed the vortex of a single file line toward a horizontal stadium of stalls for all to enter. Few leave 'til close. Moss turns, moss directional, director of dissection, wash basins full of mossy oak. Ultimate of bidets on display, only few take. Most wash, some sign off on air.

Some folk wondered what the house special of the night would be, others wondered who belonged to which gang, or which gang belonged to who. There were those who wondered what constituted ale and bourbon and who owned the bonbons.

“You're probably wondering why I decided to show my face tonight,” leader of a ton of sex, hands spread, pose in a alphabetical T.

Nobody wondered that.

“Have mercy...” Mumbling Annie chit-chattered, tiptoed through tapped toes. No one took notice.

“Our gang has received a mission. Simple one at that. Simple, poetic. Seek out a member of the church,”

Others mumbled. Muttered, even.

“I know some of my children are in the audience tonight. Sippin' on some whine, wine, whinge, chardonnay. I ask: who would be willing to make me proud? My dear husband, perhaps? Or maybe I'll return to the hospital and seek if one of the doctors would be willing to join my family,” toot, tort, ruptured spinal speech, with a hoot and a howl to boot mixed in with something afoul afoot.

Splash spot, stood up was fraught fair-minded resolute, daughter with resolve.

“I'll go.”

Crone critter crept forward, slithered toward child (adult as she were).

“Ah, yes. Annie, my dear daughter,” hands upon Annie's shoulder, only her shoulder. Only her shoulder. Still, a flinch. Nerves before determination. Flushed, relieved, two faces attached to complete figures emerged and heard.

“Knowing how she operates. Disgusting.” Silver leadership spoke up.

“No flame, no phoenix. Speak of passion, yet dejection,” verge in a wolf shared opinion.

“True leaders fight alongside their people, or better yet, be the first to die.”

“At the least, inspire passion.”

“Instead, modifications.”

More shivers, between Sylver (if ever her name), Annie (a face green of gables expressed), or the great wolf.

Outside of it all, smokers smoked in the smokers' lounge.

“Wanna go back inside?” One asked.

“Nah. Hear some of the gang leaders are in there.”

Shackled awe, tight spot for jaw.

“What would they be doing here?”

“As private as they are, leadership have every bit of access to ales and spirits as any of us.”

“Now that I think of it, Ernie's always there.”

“Ah yes, 'blood of a unicorn' kid.”

“Blood of a unicorn?”

“Very same one.”

“Damn. Blood of a unicorn. I've been to the woods once or twice. No unicorns spotted. Rabbit, yes.”

“Rabbit? In the woods?”

“Very live rabbit!”

“Rabbit?”

“Hopped along.”

“Deadass? Rabbit?”

“No, alive rabbit.”

“No way. Those haven't existed for a while.”

“Anyway, we should head back inside. Bar's about to close.”

“Still, a rabbit.”

Some shady men, couple in fact, hand in hand, looking inward. Last drinks ordered: Brisk Bristol bourbon and Tempura Tequila.

Soon after, or not long, rather seconds after counting down the hours, safety in numbers huddled from day-to-day monotony began to rain away as seconds ran dry, as did the barrels.

“My doors will close,” bartender took to announcing, image appearing within every visible area of the distracted establishment. “Get your asses out and have a lovely hunt.”

Hemingway leader set down a sturdy book.

“War is ongoing,” Ernie walked, stuck to a miniscule cycle.

“Yes, my friend,” tip of the bartending hat toward world weary pint.

Other nights, others less dry. For a street of blood, oft wanted is a lick of water.

#writing #stories #crime #cyberpunk #bar #anne sexton #hemingway #virginia woolf #sylvia plath #urban fantasy #surreal #fiction #sexism #social commentary #intention headaches

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