#me with tears in my eyes as elan shows up

[cobaltfluff]

my gundam experience has been "I don't know what the fuck is going on but I am very emotional and maybe crying"

[fervency-if]

Wow the revival ask is definitely touching and intense in a very good way, If the revived MC says ro the ROs, "I'm sorry that you had to sacrifice an important part of you for me. I'm sorry for everything. I love you... I will never left you alone again, I promise." How would the ROs answers and react? Especially if MC is crying.

It was a good question, and it was very interesting to me to answer it! It's fun how I got two different new asks about this situation, albeit one very sad, and one very cute!

The Physician wouldn't say anything else than 'I love you, too.' She wouldn't know what to say. She would wish that they didn't have a guilty conscience, though - it was her choice, after all. She could have turned it down, but she didn't. She would let them cry as much as they needed to - and on her shoulder, should they feel like that.

Aubrey would just laugh with relief at first - and it would be a bit unhinged. Very intense. He would be wholly unable to control his emotions, and that is how they would come out initially. Then he would say 'why in the name of Heaven and Hell would you apologise, my love? What are you apologising for? I have other parts of myself that I appreciate...' Then he would kiss them, if they were a couple, or embrace them, if they were platonic friends, and say 'I love you, too. ...yes, please. Promise.' He would tear up, too, I'm quite sure. Not that he does that often, but this situation is more than extreme. As I mentioned in previous asks about similar matters, he would be completely attached to the hip with them, like glue, almost insufferable so for a while, perhaps, only stopping if the main character sternly told him to knock it off.

Vesa would say 'oh, you're right, darling. Don't you dare leaving me alone again.' She would take the confusing situation with some humour, namely. Some levity. It wouldn't feel forced to her, it would genuinely make it feel easier for her. Therefore, she would pretend to be angry, but in a playful manner, to show the main character that she isn't cross for real. This, while hugging them tightly, tell them how much she loves them, too, and if they were crying, she would hug them even more intensely, since it would seem like they needed it especially bad.

Narciso would simply hush them gently, while, equally gently, wiping their tears for them. He would try to act calm, but a few things would shine through - how rattled he was. He would be a bit shaky. A bit out of breath. Lightheaded. 'Can we sit down and simply enjoy one another's company? I think we both sorely need it...'

Roswhen would give them their biggest, most wet eyes: 'I'm good... I'm just happy... I mean, overjoyed, to see you again. You're right. We will not leave one another alone. Don't cry... No, what am I saying? I'm about to cry... We can do that, can't we?' They would also tell them that they loved them, and ask to relax for a while lest they will both faint from sheer emotion and confusion.

Elan would cry, too. Very intensely, and if the main character was crying... Complete waterfall, basically. If someone he loves weeps, he has a tendency of doing so, too. He wouldn't be able to say anything other than 'don't apologise,' because he would want them to know that immediately. He doesn't care. All he wants to do right now is to hold them tight, and have them holding him, not letting go for hours.

[casspurrjoybell-32]

*Warning Adult Content*

LONGING NOSTALGIA - Chapter 30

Len

I had forgotten that the summer heat could be bad in Alberta if it wanted to be.

A good number of people in the pack spent most of their day outside since it wasn't something that they could do during the long winter months.

Adyen took an interest in gardening and fishing.

We spent a lot of time by the river swimming and floating on our backs.

He didn't like the horses though and stayed behind the fences whenever the children when their caretakers had to make them exercise or eat overall, he got used to the pack quite well and in about a week he knew his way around the campgrounds.  

The pack had been more accepting of Adyen than I had expected. Kaya and Kai took a quick liking to him and so did many of the Omegas and mid-ranking wolves.  

My mum had been temporarily upset that we weren't a pair that could produce children but she got over it, treating Adyen like her own son and showing him ugly pictures of me from when I was about twelve years old.

Everyone liked, Adyen. Including Ahote.    

The two had bonded over tending the garden.

Adyen was interested in learning from him because his own mother had a garden and Naylan just started one in his pack lands.  

"You've stopped being weird around me, good," Ahote had told me one afternoon when Adyen had left for the shed to grab a better watering can.    

I had blinked, rubbing the back of my neck as my lips parted.

Nothing had come out of it and Ahote had laughed at me, shaking his head.    

"Not quite there yet, I suppose," he had said squatting to examine the lettuce while I stood to the side.

Stiff as a log. He had been right though.

As the holiday had gone on, I had started to forgive myself about how I had acted about Ahote and him finding a man that loved him after his mate had broken his heart.

Sure, I still felt silly when I remembered me thinking of my future mate and tearing up at the thought that I would have it give up Ahote but that was all behind us now and I was starting to let it go so that we could be comfortable around each other.  

Adyen also spent a lot of time with the children.

Adults were more educated and had a better sense to not ask why someone looked different but kids... especially children sheltered from most of the outside world... weren't.

Children would pause and stare at him and brave ones would ask him why his hair was so curly or why his skin was brown.

I thought Adyen would get sick of it but he usually just laughed it off and offered to hold their hand.

It reminded me of how they used to look at Alek who had blond hair and spoke in a foreign accent.  

Adyen was enjoying himself here and so was I.

Catching up with everyone was a treat.

I got to see Ahote and Kaya's kids play together and babble amongst themselves as they ran around in stumbling steps.

I heard that Alek was now the second in command hunter.

Elan, Ahote's firstborn, had grown up so much in my time away.  

I didn't regret going to Toronto one bit but being at home... even if it was just a month gave me a longing nostalgia that I decided to do the best with.  

Adyen and I spent most of our days taking walks within the territory lines, curled up in bed, or jumping around and raising our phones over our heads, looking for reception.

Yeah, I had forgotten how terrible that was down here in the middle of nowhere.

Granted, I hadn't had a phone until I left, I had just heard Alek and Zeke complain about it a lot.

Because of the situation with the reception, Adyen and I didn't talk to the folks back in Toronto much. Here and there.

We had video chats when we followed the supply truck to the nearest city once a week.  It was fun.

Day after day passed and today, just like all the others I had woken up in bed next to Adyen who was a human heater.

He was still asleep but I was wide awake letting my eyelashes touch the material of the duvet we had thrown over us.

I turned to my side, reaching out to touch the side of his eyes.

He furrowed his brows, cuddling the pillow under him. 

"Hey, what time is it?" Adyen asked in a yawn, moving against me under the covers.

I blinked, groaning when Adyen pulled the covers away and the light from the window entered my eyes.

We had woken up earlier in the day but it was a carefree Saturday and we could sleep in, so we sort of did that.

Sort of meaning, we had sex and promptly got knocked out again.

That's why we were both naked and had a blanket over us even though it was summer and boiling outside.    

"Len, what time is it?" Adyen repeated his question, reaching out his hand to hold my shoulder and give it a shake.

He didn't seem fully awake.

His eyelids kept on fluttering and he had to force himself to keep them open when I pressed a kiss to his forehead before pulling away. 

"I don't know," I said as my eyes peeled open.

Adyen was pouting at me.

"How am I supposed to know?" I asked him, stretching my legs before rolling until I was laying on my back.

We were both sharing my tiny twin bed in my childhood bedroom.

Our boxes from Toronto took up half the space but Adyen didn't seem to mind.

In fact, he used me as a body pillow at night just pushed the boxes out of the way when he needed access to the door.

We spent most of our time outside with the rest of the wolves, anyway.  

"I don't know," Adyen whined.

He was always grumpy after a nap.

"Do your wolf internal clock thing or something." 

"What?" I laughed.

"That's not a thing."    

"Dogs can do it," Adyen retorted, making me laugh even more.

He frowned, adjusting the pillow under his head, not responding to my jest.

I guessed he was picking to go to sleep again.    

Feeling playful, I rolled to my side and poked his chest.

"So, what does an urban wolf, like yourself, think of a place like this?" I asked, teasing Adyen for being a city boy.

He rolled his eyes, pulling the covers over us again before snuggling into my chest.  

"It's alright."

Those were mundane words but I could hear the fondness and understatement in them.

Adyen was enjoying his time here and it made me happy.

I smiled down at him, letting my fingers comb through his curls.

I could see the two keloid scars that had formed where I had bitten him over two months ago.

The sight of it made my heart skip.    

'Mine.' I heard the low growl of my wolf day in my head as I let myself brush Ayden's shoulder.

'Ours.' I said back, not believing that there was a time that I had thought my mating bond was a bad thing.

I take that all back.

It had given me Adyen, after all.

THE END.

[avernale]

Curious, but what would your Pokemon battle quotes be during a climatic battle? The final boss?

Ah. End game stuff. Guess there's less of an excuse for self-deprecation at that point. Of course, that all depends on whether I am the final boss or champion or what. My relationship to my opponent and the situation and what not. I suppose that's for me to decide, though.

"This it! The final level! Let's not hold back!"

The crowd roars as his voice echoes across the arena. But where is he? The player looks up. There! Atop the big screen! In a large, plumed hat and billowing cloak is the player's number one rival, Elan "Avernale" Rave!

"The stars have aligned for our final confrontation!" Rave slides a finger along the brim of his hat before making a wide, sweeping gesture, throwing his cloak. "Here on the grandest stage! Glory calls, our names racing across the winds!"

With that, Rave dives from the screen, only for his Gardevoir to immediately teleport in, grab him, and teleport them to the arena floor, where Rave lands in a three-point stance.

"The crowd demands it!" Rave hops to his feet, gesturing to the audience around them. "The advertisers crave it!" He gestures the other way. "Our hearts cry out for it!" He raises both hands before reaching out to make a grasping gesture with his right hand. "Blood! Sweat! Tears! The convergence of fourteen souls on the court of destiny! I expect no less of you than to expect no quarter from me."

He wraps his cloak around himself again, an enigma as he approaches his place on the battle court. His intense gaze meets the player's eyes. "Now, let's f██ing do this."

Battle Start: "You're my last real obstacle in this adventure. Neither of us should hold back anymore. Let's clash so hard we both feel it tomorrow morning."

Landing Super-Effective Hit: "Hmph. You didn't even flinch. I didn't think it'd be that easy."

Taking Super-Effective Hit: "Hmph. Nice move, but that's like Pokémon 101. You'll need to do better than that."

Landing Critical Hit: "Like I said, no holding back. But at this level, this is basic stuff. I'm just getting started."

Taking Critical Hit: "Excellent. You're really going for it. But don't think I'm going to fold so easily. Not here. Not now."

[Raves team receives a mysterious boost!?]

Last Pokémon: "Heh. Heh ha ha! Now this! This is the moment we're all waiting for! This is where I show you my true power!"

Gimmick Activation: "Now, my Ace!" Rave throws his cape back, allowing it to billow behind him. "Break forth! True destiny beckons! Raze everything and leave nothing standing!"

Low HP: "This isn't the end of the road! Not yet! Not for me!" Rave uses a Hyper Potion. "This is it, player! This! This is were true legends are born! Ace! Let's do this thing! FINAL EDGE!"

Victory: Rave wraps himself in his cloak again. "You're a worthy opponent. Not 'were,' 'are.' You gave it your best, but today mine was better. This isn't the end, my friend. Next time... Let's feel it for a week."

Defeat: "Heh." Rave's cape stops billowing and his shoulders sag in relief. "Heh ha ha! I guess... I guess that's it... I got nothin'... I gave it everything I had. I think I'm actually relieved..."

Post Battle: Rave wraps himself in his cloak again, an enigma once more as he approaches the player in the center of the court.

"And that's it. We both gave it our best, and today your best was better. I don't know about you, but I think me and my Pokémon are going to be sore for a couple days, at least. As for you, your legend is just beginning. Give the next guy Hell for me. I'll accept little else."

Rave and the player shake hands. Rave walks off for a couple steps, then breaks into a run. He leaps into the air as a Golurk swoops in and catches him. Golurk hovers over the arena as Rave poses over its shoulder.

"Until we meet again, player! Where the winds cross, destiny beckons! Where glory awaits, they shall call our names! Let our next battle be an epic worthy of legend!"

Rave throws his head back and laughs as Golurk rockets into the sky.

[lilyharvord]

The Chain (Part 10)

Main concept: Two love struck idiots get sent back to a pretty UGH time period in their lives (that required me to reread all the books again) and have to hide the fact that they know everything.  

Find the rest of the fic here: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9

Tag list: @delilahlbard, @king-maven-calore, @thatoddgirl777, @elliekratzzz, @evangelineartemiasamos, @evangeline-of-montfort, @scxrletguardsdawn, @freaky-freiday, @petergrantkavinsky, @kuwei, @whatsup-gorls, @katiemoore,  @redqueenetwork, @tranquil-dusk (I’m trying to add you but for some reason it wont @… the same problem happens with @thatoddgirl777 and I have no idea how to fix it)

(/Mare/)

I’ve been freed from Protocol for the time being. Cal pulls the same strings as last time, and I am put into Training. It makes my blood sing to know that I am going to be joining him there too. One more place where we can protect each other and plan without anyone knowing. We are a secret, united front that the Silver’s will never see coming.

         It’s been a week since my first meeting with Farley. I almost expected Maven not to show up to join us, but just as he did before, he appeared out of the shadows with the servant Holland. He was just as full of the righteous fire I remembered, smiling at me and promising things he will never give. Swearing fealty to Farley and her cause for the good of everyone. I wish I had the courage to ask him if he had meant those things.

         I’d gone back to my rooms cold and shaken, feeling in all senses of the word numb. Walsh had to practically guide me back to avoid me taking wrong turns and getting lost. In bed, I drown in the memories of the future that I am rapidly stumbling towards, trying to keep my head up as the tides suck me deeper. I toss and turn for hours, kicking the blankets off before pulling them back on when I wake from my hazy doze shivering uncontrollably because of invisible silent stone walls.

         I’d slipped through the secret door in my closet and felt my way through the dark tunnel to Cal’s rooms. It was silent in them, not even the sound of his breathing disturbed the space. Sure enough, his bed was empty and neatly made. He wasn’t even in Summerton. I’d sunk onto the bed before slipping under the blankets and burying myself in his smell.

         I’d woken to warm hands lifting me out of the blankets. Gripping his shirt, I’d whispered sleepily to him as he carried me back to my rooms. His voice was soft as he’d replied with a gentle, “you’re fine. I’ve got you.” I had to enter my room alone though, just to avoid the cameras seeing him.

         Now standing in the training room a week later, I still can’t shake the blanket of cold that envelopes me. Dread pools in my stomach the closer we get to the Ball and the closer I get to those names Maven will deliver. Everything is working perfectly, I have no reason to worry. And yet, a part of me quivers with nerves. Maven is as charming as ever, but something bubbles behind his eyes. Maybe it’s because I know what to look for now and I see it. But I had been just as untrustworthy the first time around. I would have seen it then too.

         Standing off to the side with my arms crossed I watch the young Silvers prepare for a session of tearing each other apart. Inhaling slowly, I take in the scent of the freshly washed matts and the summer breeze from the open windows. It’s been sweltering for the past few days, and sure enough a bead of sweat rolls down between my shoulder blades, tracing the track of my spine.

         On the other side of the training room, Cal catches my eye. He quirks a brow before pushing off the wall he’s leaning against. Strolling across the room, he tucks his hands into the pockets of his training jacket. When we’re standing side by side he rolls his shoulders a few times and says, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there a few nights ago.”

         “You were off being a crown prince.” I say and wave my hand for emphasis, “doing crown prince things.” My lips quirk up a little bit at the edges when his frown deepens. I haven’t teased him much since we got stuck here, I forgot how much fun it is.

         “I won’t lie; I did think someone put a dead body in my bed.”

         “Don’t be dramatic.” I tease him, hiding my smile behind my hand. On the other side of the room, Evangeline holds court around the targets. She hasn’t made any moves like she did in the breakfast room weeks ago, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have something planned. If I recall, today is dueling day, and this was when she decided to take a piece out of my face.

         “Hard for him not be, he’s so very good at it.” Maven’s voice cuts the air between us like a knife. I spin to face him quickly, throwing up a smile to hide the fear that rushes through me. He tilts his head to the side and smiles as well. “What is he being dramatic about now?”

         Cal clears his throat, and hides his discomfort with a laugh. Setting his hand on Maven’s shoulder and squeezing he says lightly, “something to do with Shadow Legion. It’s been… difficult.”

         If Maven is fooled by our game, I cannot tell. A part of me sends a silent prayer that he didn’t hear anything. But a smarter part of me chastises myself for even falling prey to my fears and searching out Cal. Have I doomed us with my little slip up?

         “So I’ve heard, has Rhambos been giving you trouble again?” Maven grins at Cal in the way only brother’s sharing a private joke can.

         “You have no idea.” Cal’s relief is near invisible, and I have to force my own to be that way as Maven comes to stand next to me. His eyes dart to me and he gives me a small, tentative smile. I return it, wondering exactly what is going through his mind. What I wouldn’t give to be a Whisper just so I can know if we are in the clear.

         He turns his eyes forward as Arven calls Tirana forward to duel. His name comes next, and as he leaves my side, the little bubble of heat I didn’t notice him exuding leaves with him. His shoulders are tense as he steps into the makeshift arena to face the nymph. Next to me, Cal’s hands clench into fists.

         When he comes sulking out, dripping water all over the floor, his eyes are burning. They dart to me and soften for a heartbeat before hardening once more. Mercifully, Cal keeps his mouth shut and turns to watch the next match when Maven steps in between us. The air crackles with heat, and a few of the other Silvers take a step back, making it appear as if they are simply interested in something else.

         “Nothing to say?” Maven murmurs when Cal continues to sit in silence. My eyes dart to them, and my hand slowly closes in a fist at my side.

         “There’s nothing to say.”

         “You always have something to say, forgive me if it’s a surprise when you don’t.” Maven turns those eyes on Cal, and I imagine his stare could turn Cal into a puddle of human parts if he weren’t a burner as well. He’s instigating, something I never saw him do. Or maybe it’s happened before and I never got the chance to see it. Cal makes no move to show me panic, so maybe Maven being this bitter has occurred sometime in the past before I met them. Maybe nothing is wrong and he’s picking a fight because he’s upset about the embarrassment of his loss.

Straightening his shoulders, Cal turns a neutral look onto Maven, sweeping him over with his eyes. “You could have beat her if you had given her a bit more space. You were stronger than her the whole fight.” Cal assures, his eyes dancing to me for a moment. We both know that isn’t what he said last time. But this didn’t occur last time, and without a script Cal struggles.

Maven’s entire body tenses, even as his expression cools. It’s such an odd contradiction that I’m not quite sure what will happen next. Reaching out, I close my hand around his wrist and squeeze. He’s cold as ice, and I shiver involuntarily as my skin makes contact with his. I don’t know why I expected heat.

His flips around to look at my hand, his lips pursed in a tight line. I swallow my grimace and offer him a gentle, knowing smile.

“There will be more fights. More important fights.” I raise my brow, hoping he takes my hint. The anticipation of his reaction practically drives me to dig my nails into his skin. I’m surprised he doesn’t flip around and demand to challenge Cal right here, right now. It would be a short fight, but it would be no less damning.

His shoulders soften though, and his stance shifts to one of embarrassment. “Of course.” He murmurs, his other hand coming to rest on mine. “There always are.”

 Hiding my relief behind a smile, I try to pull my hand away. I can’t believe I thought he would actually go to blows with Cal. He’s smarter than that, and better at playing the long game than I give him credit for in the moment.  

Before I can pull my hand away completely, he grips it tighter and stares me down, daring me to pull away. He puts up the mask then, the one that I loved dearly and searched for during my months with him in Archeon.

 “Even if some battles are already lost.” He whispers as he leans close to me so his words are only for me.

He’s a desperate boy now. I can hear the ache in his voice. What does he know? What does his mother know? Nothing, I’m certain they know nothing. Elara didn’t get anything from me, and she hasn’t gotten anything from Cal. We’ve been careful enough, we’re never together in a way that anyone could question. We haven’t even gone into that moonlit room yet. I haven’t put a knife in Maven’s back yet. Maybe he was more jealous of my escapade to the Stilts than I initially noticed. That’s the only thing he has to work with, and maybe the fact that Cal and I were obviously teasing each other before training just now. He’d never been so outwardly jealous of Cal though. His jealousy was always a quietly simmering pot that never overflowed. He was so much more dangerous because of that.

Pulling away from me when I stay silent, he gives me a rueful smile and turns to face the arena where Elane and Sonya are tearing each other to pieces. I can’t focus though; my mind turns into a tail spin of panic. Have we slipped up? Did I damn us a few nights ago? Are we even off track? What if we are? What has changed?

I am so lost in my own thoughts I almost miss Evangeline demanding our fight. Lifting my eyes to her, I take in her gloating smile. She senses my panic, but has no inclination of the source.

Maven jumps to my defense like a cat would to a mouse. Evangeline doesn’t back down though. I should be grateful for this, at least something is back on track. It’s been a while since I’ve been glad for Evangeline Samos, and even though she is not my friend now, she is the closest thing I’ve seen since training started.

 (/////)

 Sitting in the darkness of my room that night, I watch the moonlight as it passes over the floor. Are the Sentinels watching me on their screens, wondering if I’ve lost my mind? I doubt it. Unless Elara had told them to keep a closer eye on me. I wouldn’t be surprised, when she’d corned me and Maven in the hallway I had felt her creeping in my mind, searching in the mirrored halls I’d barely had enough time to drag up to protect my memories.

Sighing, I let my head fall into my hands as I breathe. Focusing on the hum of the cameras, I follow the source of the electricity along the wires. The purr of the current fills my senses and drowns me. For a moment, I let myself just exist in the peaceful darkness behind my eyelids. Things will only get harder from here. I regret not tuning for Montfort more than anything now. 

A gentle knock on the door drags me out of my meditation. Raising my eyes to the door, I wrap my robe tighter around me as I stand. My steps are near silent as I creep across the room and crack open the door.

Leaning against the frame of the doorway, Cal looks more exhausted than I’ve ever seen him. With a shadow creeping along his jaw, he looks more like he did in Montfort. He was on the verge of doom and greatness here, and there too. He wears the years he’s already lived tonight in the bags under his eyes and the weariness of his shoulders. 

When he spots the sliver of my face behind the door, he gives me a tentative smile. “Up for a dance?” He asks quietly as I open the door a little wider. 

Nodding, I let him pull me out of my room and toward a moonlit room where I can at least pretend for a little while that I’m safe even if I’m the furthest from safe that I’ve ever been.

 (////)  

 In the hours leading up to the ball, while I am being painted and primed, the names Maven gave as targets ring through my head. When he had visited me late in the dark to tell me them, I had expected him to give me different names. I’d whisper to Cal that I thought I had messed up, and given us away. He’d tried to assure me that everything would alright. And when we kiss this time, there was a desperation to it. Like Maven, he is terrified to lose me, and he poured that fear into the kiss he gave me. 

Reynold Iral, Ptolemus Samos, Ellyn Macanthos. Belicos Leorlan. Those names chase me and haunt my waking hours. The prospect of them being wrong, and Maven adding more names, or different ones, haunts me even more. 

Belicos with his two young children who will die tonight too, Ptolemus Samos who will live to someday kill my brother but father a beautiful daughter with Wren, Colonel Macanthos with her sly eye that can see right through Elara’s schemes, and Reynold, a man I’m pretty sure is lost somewhere anyway dance behind my eyelids and in the corner of my eyes. I don’t think I will ever be rid of my ghosts. 

I couldn’t breathe when I stood before Mareena and saw her in the mirror. She was lovely and wicked in the light of my room, and I’m sure she’ll look the same way at the ball tonight. The dress is the same riotous mess of gemstones and purple fabric that I hate even more this time around, especially when I have to stand next to Maven and observe him in his beautiful charcoal suit. He is beautiful in it, as beautiful as I remember. It makes my stomach twist every time I look at him.

The pleasantries leave me just as breathless, and I can feel Evangeline’s eyes on me as she glares down the line at the people who are to come. It’s almost a relief when Maven pulls me out onto the balcony, just so that I can inhale fresh air. As we go, I feel the brush of Cal’s hand as he reaches back to catch my skirt. My eyes dart to him in warning, but he’s already hiding the movement behind setting his hand on Evangeline’s back and smiling at Belicos as he steps forward to greet them.

Even as Maven pulls me onto the balcony, my heart is pounding. Seeing Belicos a second time does nothing to ease the ache in my heart. His children, I remember their bodies laid out next to his like they were nothing. Was Maven’s emotion in the moment a scam? Had he felt anything seeing their little bodies. I don’t know what’s real and the closer we get to the moment, the more my fear increases. .

         “You’re giving them a father.” I whisper, the words like poison on my tongue. He’d give anything to topple the Guard, and he did give everything. Even if I hadn’t been enough to completely crush us. At the same time though, he wasn’t the one to truly give those names. Elara told him who to pick and he acted like a good little mouth piece.  He could have chosen not to give that name though. In the moment he could have chosen to spare a father and his children. He’d made that choice. I know he’s braver than he claims, especially where Elara is concerned. Farley was right to call him a coward.

         He lets go of me but doesn’t step away when I speak. He stays close instead, his hands just ghosting over my skin. He looks like a marble statue in the moonlight, his lips drawn in a tight line. Achingly beautiful, a boy on the cusp of manhood and his own demise, an angel teetering over the edge of the abyss. 

He backs me into the wall, his eyes like chips of ice in the pale plane of his face. Slowly he places his hands on either side of my head, trapping me so that I have to listen to him.

         “Reynald is a father, too. The Colonel has children of her own. Ptolemus is now engaged to the Haven girl. They all have people; they all have someone who will mourn them.” The words are forced and cold. A part of him believes those words but the larger part of him, the one Elara has groomed to be king someday knows it must be done. “We can’t pick and choose how to help the cause, Mare. We must do what we can, whatever the cost.”

         My skin feels like it’s alive. I might electrocute him right here, right now, until he backs away from me. I have half a mind to press my hand to his chest and shove him over the balcony. It would take one push, and I know all the weak points to knock someone of balance now. It would be so easy. I could claim it was the Scarlet Guard, that they appeared on the balcony and pushed him.

         His breath is warm on my face as he whispers, “I want this to be done with the least blood shed possible.”

         His hand trembles as he brings it up to brush his fingertips along my cheek, a ghost of a touch, like he can’t bear to let his skin connect with mine. “Tonight will change everything.”

         My heart pounds harder against my ribs as he pulls back enough to give me space. His eyes dance away from me and back to the line of dwindling nobles. The pleasantries are over, it’s time. Even if I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready though.

         The shadows break again and I recognize Cal’s familiar outline as he steps onto the balcony. “You two all right out here?” His expression is hesitant, probably worried that he’s interrupted a moment that I am supposed to be getting information. His eyes linger on me, his expression softening. These next moments will be the hardest. “You ready for this, Mare?”

         Maven jumps on my silence. “She’s ready.”

         Taking my arm in his, he pulls me along. He was never this aggressive with me. At least, not that I remember. Maybe I had been so blinded by my emotions of the night that I hadn’t realized how he was acting. He’s agitated though, and monsters are dangerous like that. 

         Still, Cal’s fingers brush against my wrist, his touch somehow colder than Maven’s. I wish he actually took my hand and held it. When I look over my shoulder at him, his expression is stormy. He’d never been so outwardly nervous about Maven. At least he’s not afraid. We know what comes tonight. I told him what to expect, and he knows what he has to do. I wonder if he will be able to put Farley through the pain of the Gilican shiver’s torture now. I have to rely on him to do just that though.

        Evangeline appears at his side, her jewel encrusted fingers enclosing his arm. She squeezes tightly when she sees my eyes lingering on him. 

     Oh Evangeline. I wish I could help her now. She has her own battle to fight though. 

         Maven’s lips almost brush my ear as he whispers to me, “This is the hard part.”

         Even with all the eyes on me, I don’t blush. He pulls me into the frame but his skin is warmer than I remember. And as we start the dance, his eyes never leave my face. What is he looking for there?

         As we move in the box formation, he raises a brow and his lips curl into a smile. “You’ve been practicing.”

         “A bit, didn’t want to step on your toes.” I reply with my own smile. I put as much true joy as I can behind it. 

           His eyes flash for a moment and he leans a little closer to whisper, “You’re just full of surprises.” He chuckles, and the grin he gives me as he pulls back makes my stomach flutter. There is the boy that had captured my trust and my heart. I turn away at the sight of it, my stomach dropping.

         I spot Cal spin Evangeline, who looks more like a glittering ball of spikes than a human. I’m surprised she doesn’t slice Cal’s hands open when he rests them on the back of the dress. I miss her more casual regalia that she wears in Montfort. I never saw her casual outfits that she wore here, but I imagine she carried that style into Ascendant.

Sensing my gaze, Cal’s eyes meet mine. His fingers close around Evangeline’s waist, and a million memories of him doing the same thing with me come back. I can almost feel his hand sliding around my waist in the tiny living room of our apartment as he hums the song playing on the radio. I can remember laying my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat and the sound of his humming reverberating in his chest. He can’t carry a tune to save his life, but it is still wonderful.

We spin through two songs until I feel dizzy with anticipation. Just when I think Maven will pull me to the side though, he leans close to me. I almost pull away, but instead force myself to stay close and turn my head slightly to give him a shy smile. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them though.

         “I told you that everything changes tonight.” He breathes against my ear. I nod, confused where this is going. “And I do have to admit that I’ve… kept something from you.”

What? What is he getting at? I pull away, panic flaring through me as I search that face for the truth. He’s too good at hiding it though. I grip his hand tightly, prepared to push as much electricity through his body as I can muster.

His hand burns in my grip instead. My lips curl in pain, but he ignores it and spins me so that my back is to the crowd around us. Forcing me to step into the next dance, he tilts his head forward again to whisper. “I did give Farley four names. But I lied to you about one of them.”

“What are you talking about?” My voice is cold, dangerous too. He senses it, pulling back a fraction. We stop dancing, and his hands drop to his sides. My heart beats so erratically, I worry it might beat right out of my chest.

He tilts his head to the side, his lips falling. “Ptolemus is a good target. Removing him would send the officers into chaos. But there was… a better target, one that would cause more chaos.”

“Who did you give?”

Who did your mother give? I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake it out of him. His lips curl up slowly, a remorseful smile if I ever saw one from him. My blood goes cold at the sight of it.

“Farley agreed with me that you were getting too close, that your attention was becoming divided. She also agreed that if there was ever a time to cut the head off the snake it was now.” He takes my hand and squeezes my fingers. “I’ll step up in his place. My father will never recover from the loss, so Farley can do what she pleases. It is a win for all of us.”

Realization burns through my stomach, followed immediately by frozen panic. “What have you done?” I wheeze as I flip around, searching the crowd, desperately trying to find Cal’s silhouette. In the mass of bodies, I can’t find him and my fingers twitch at my sides as I glance up in the rafters. The Sentinels pace, searching the crowd but they are looking in the wrong places. Above them, shadows move too. The Guard is already in position, ready to carry our Farley’s plot. 

“I know that you two have become…friends.” Maven begins, taking my hand and pulling me back around so that I face him. I try to turn my head and search the crowd still, but he grabs my chin and drags my eyes back to his face. “That’s why I asked Farley to take the shot. She’ll give him a quick end. One bullet and a dynasty will end.”

One bullet that won’t miss. One bullet that will tear my future away from me. One bullet that will break me, because Farley never, ever misses.

My blood boils and sparks dance on my fingertips as I glare at him. Cold calm washes over me as the rush of adrenaline leaves. I am in battle mode now; survival is all I can think about when I stare down the man before me.

“Farley removed you from the mission. That’s why I didn’t tell you I gave her his name. She thought you might compromise us.”

We were wrong. I gave something away. Elara never would have dared to target Cal. She needs him to get rid of his father, she needs a scapegoat. But if she looked in my head or his and saw the future, she would have seen that he is more trouble than he’s worth. She would have found out that cutting him from the equation might someday save her and Maven.

If I turn and run after him, I will confirm whatever they believe about us, whatever they have found. But if I sit here, I will lose everything. I can’t go after him; I can’t save him or else I risk Farley and compromising this whole mission.

I am a selfish creature though. I always have been, and I always will be.

Ripping my hand from Maven’s grip I flip around to push my way through the crowd. I have time, there’s still time. I am racing against a clock I can’t see though. It’s like push through mud as I shove my way through the crowd. People gasp and glare at me, but I have eyes only for one person and I can’t find him.

My eyes start to water, and my breathing comes in ragged gasps.

Farley doesn’t miss. And she will make sure she doesn’t miss this time.

Memories of him lying on the sand of Harbor Bay, grey and lifeless threaten to overtake me. I shove them down. He won’t be made into a symbol tonight. I still have time.

There.

He stands with his back to me, speaking quietly with some military personnel or another. I shove through the last of the crowd, my hand extended for him. Elara’s eyes are on me, I can feel them, but I don’t care. I don’t care about keeping things on track. Jon can damn himself to the hells. I won’t lose him.

“Cal!” I scream his name, making him turn. His brows furrow, his expression confused by my panic and fear. I’m five steps away. Then four, hand outstretched as he takes a tiny movement forward as if he might meet me halfway. He never gets the chance.

The lights drop and four guns fire at the same time.

I scream so loud that my own ears ring. The lights around us flare to life on their own by the sheer force of my ability. My vision tunnels, even as someone slams into me from the side, screaming in panic as the lights directly above me explode in a shower of sparks. 

I shove them away from me and sprint to his downed form. The man he’d been speaking to is gone, probably lost in the panic. People are screaming, shouting and pointing to the roof.

I slide the last foot between us on my knees and come to his side. Blood, there’s so much blood. I choke on a sob as I try to find the source of it. His eyes are open though, and his mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish.

Relief like nothing I’ve ever felt rushes through me, and I choke on his name as I feverishly try to find the source of the blood. It’s staining his uniform and pooling around his shoulder. His hands press to his chest, and I immediately press my hands on top of his. Sticky, burning blood pours through my fingers though.

“Mare.” His voice is ragged as he gasps my name, and I tear my eyes from the wound long enough to meet his eye. His going grey, the black undertones starting to appear under his eyes.

“No, stop trying to talk. You have to keep breathing.” I cry as I press the heels of my palms harder into the wound. More blood pours out and I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle when I reach down and rip some of my dress off to press it to the wound. “Healer! Someone get a healer!” I scream to the panicked crowd. They’re like spooked animals though. No one notices their crown prince on his back bleeding out.

His hand closes weakly around my wrist and squeezes, trying to get my attention. His eyes are wide, but his expression is anything but fearful. “Don’t—” he begins, but ends up coughing on blood instead.

“No, no, no.” I sob as I push harder and glare at him. “No last words Calore. Not tonight. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to sit and drink coffee and talk with Julian again, and see Clara and my family again. And—and we’re going to see our baby, we’re going to hold him and watch him grow and become a better person than either of us. It’s going to be fine. Everything will be fine!”

His grip weakens on my wrist even as he smiles. My throat closes and I drop my chin to my chest. It’s a pretty picture I paint, but it fades with every slow beat of his heart. “Help!” I scream uselessly one more time, hoping someone will hear, that someone will come to my aid.

The crowd parts for a moment, and Sara who whipped around at the sound of my scream finds me. She barrels her way to us, and drops to her knees on Cal’s other side.

“Help him, save him.” I sob at her.

Her lips twist at the sight of all the blood, but she immediately pushes my hands away from the wound and replaces my hands with hers. Cal’s head falls back and his eyes close the minute she does. I leap for him, grabbing his face and trying to get him to open his eyes again. His neck falls slack in my grip through and I end up almost shaking him.

“Open your eyes, open your fucking eyes.” I scream at him, tears pouring like rivers down my cheeks. Hands grab me and try to pull me away, but I thrash against them and scream. When I’m flipped around, I meet Julian’s tortured expression.

He pulls me to him, keeping me out of Sara’s way as she works. His eyes never leave his nephew’s face. I wonder if he is seeing his sister in his grey features. Cal looks like a corpse, and my entire body feels like a live wire set to explode at any second.

“Don’t let him die. Please, don’t let him die.” I beg Sara, reaching a hand out to grab Cal’s hand. It’s cold in my grip and I almost vomit when my stomach clenches.

Her eyes dance up to me, and I see the resolve there. Is he lost? I don’t know if I will be able to bear that burden, if I will be able to survive this crushing blow.

She pulls her blood stained hands away and I dive out of Julian’s arms to grab at Cal. For a moment, I think he’s truly gone and a pained sob leaves my chest, sounding more like a scream than a moment of weakness. Underneath my hands though, his chest hitches with a breath, and then begins to rise and fall slowly.

The ballroom is practically empty around us. The royals have fled, the Sentinels have gone after Farley and the others. All that is left is us and the corpses. But there is one less among them.

“Cal,” I whisper to him as I brush his hair off his forehead. His eyes open for a moment only to close in a grimace.

“I wasn’t one of the targets.” He breathes, and I slowly let my forehead fall to rest on his chest. He wasn’t, but he survived. Turning to answer my call had saved his life. He’d changed his positioning, too fast for Farlet to correct her shot before the lights went out. She’d shot blindly, and almost succeeded in killing him.

“This sounds like a conversation for more… private chambers.” Julian’s voice is a dangerous rumble. I glance at him over my shoulder, belatedly realizing that he saw me sob over a prince that is not mine. He heard Cal mention targets, and judging by the fury behind his eyes, he is rapidly putting two and two together.

“Julian,” I reach for him, but he pushes to stand and then steps up to Cal’s other side.

“Sara will finish her work in my rooms. You two will come with us.” He bends down to grab one of Cal’s arms and help him sit up. I almost try to stop him, but he glares down at me. “Help me get him up and moving. We will have to move quickly.”

I crawl over Cal and grab his other arm before helping him to his feet. He stumbles, barely able to take his own weight. I grunt underneath him, and press into his side. Already I can feel the heat returning to his skin, and it sends such a thrum of relief through me that I have to swallow more tears.

 (////)

 Julian’s rooms are dark and after he helps me deposit Cal on one of the couches, he works quickly to shut all the curtains and lock the doors. I search for the cameras, but there are none for me to turn off.

He lights a few candles and brings them to the side table to light Sara’s work space. She shoes me away and takes my place at Cal’s side before tearing his ceremonial suit off. While she healed the artery that was severed, there is still a bullet in his chest. I can just catch one of the edges reflecting in the dim light.

Sara holds out an expectant hand and not even a heartbeat later, Julian sets a small cloth wrapped set of tools in her hands. She sets them in her lap and goes to work as I edge around the back of the couch and take one of Cal’s hands in my own. His pulse is getting stronger with every passing second, and his grip increases as Sara digs the first tool in to get the bullet out.

“Both of you, talk.” Julian’s fury is like nothing I’ve seen before. Even when I came to him for help in freeing Farley and Kilorn, he had still been soft, quiet. This fury is the fury of a man that has seen horrible dark places and is terrified to be forced back into them. 

I glance at Cal who grimaces and grinds his teeth together when Sara starts to tug on the bullet. He won’t be able to make this decision right now.

“You wouldn’t believe us.” I say quietly before looking up at Julian and begging him to understand my hesitation. 

“Try me.” He grinds out past his clenched jaw.

My stomach turns and Cal squeezes my hand. I glance down at him, and he nods slowly. We have been compromised. It’s time.

“You have to… listen the whole time. Don’t waste time with questions.” I urge, and in the low light, Julian’s nod creates dark shadows across his features. He looks older than I’ve ever seen him. Bowing my head, I inhale slowly and then launching into the story, starting with the most dangerous truth.

It takes more time than I want for Sara to finish with Cal, and for me to finish the story. As he gets stronger, Cal interjects, adding bits and pieces that I forget. Julian keeps true to his word and stays quiet, but his expression pulls into a deeper and deeper frown as we go. 

“How could you not trust me with this. If you know what I am to be to you, why would you not seek out my help immediately?” He pushes to his feet and begins pacing the space before us. Sara watches him, her eyes solemn.

“We—I didn’t want to put you in danger.” Cal whispers, pushing to a sitting position. I try to push him back down, but he fights me off.

“I end up in danger anyway.” Julian turns his gaze on Cal, but it’s softened considerably. I relax as he steps forward to look both of us over. “You’re certain Elara knows the truth?”

“Cal wasn’t a target. But Maven made him one tonight and pushed me off the mission. He knew about me and Cal and if he knows about that, then he knows about everything else.” I whisper, and take the rag Sara had brought a few minutes ago. Wiping some of the blood of Cal’s chest, I shake my head. “I gave us away completely tonight by saving you.”

Cal closes a hand over mine and squeezes softly.

“You must have given yourselves away some time before that.” Julian stops his pacing to set his fists on his hips. Glaring at the carpet like it is the sole reason for his worry, he says, “and now you are once again at the mercy of Elara’s mechanisms.”

“Not exactly.” Cal argues, sitting up completely and starting to shrug his uniform jacket on. Julian raises a brow at his words, but waits until Cal gives up with the buttons to let him speak. 

“We know what her ultimate end game is, and there is more than one way to get to the point we want.” Cal glances at me warily. “You and Maven are supposed to meet with Farley when we get to Archeon. You are going to have to warn her, and tell her the truth. All of it.”

I jump to my feet, shock coursing through me. “Have you lost your mind? Julian would understand, but Farley?”

“Farley will understand if you tell her the truth and give her proof.” Cal urges.

Sara and Julian watch our responses bounce back and forth like spectators at some sports match. It’s my turn to pace though, so I start wearing a trench into the floor, grabbing fistfuls of my gown as I do so. “Even if I did manage to get her to believe me, what are we going to do?”

“Elara doesn’t know that I know right?” He reasons with a tilt of his head. I pause my pacing to glance at him. He finishes buttoning up his jacket and nods at whatever plan is forming in his head. “She may think you are the only person that knows the future. That only you are here.”

“What are you talking about? If she’s seen my memories—”

“Then she’s only seen the ones formed before.” Julian jumps on the plan. His eyes dart between the two of us. “You would know if she was in your head Cal. And you are certain she has not looked. She has only seen your memories Mare. As far as she is concerned you are the only person with knowledge of the future.”

“Then why get rid of Cal tonight?” I wave a hand at him for emphasis. My fingers are still shaking, and my body still feels numb from the near death scare.

“You said so yourself. He plays a role in toppling her and Maven. Remove the tumor before it becomes cancer.” Julian offers with a shrug. Setting his hand on my shoulder, he gives me a tired smile. “You may still have a card up your sleeve. Go to… Farley, and get her to believe your story. Make a new plan, one that will put you back on track.”

How am I going to do that? How will I keep Maven in the dark? I’m smart, but he’s always been so much smarter than me, and with the knowledge Elara now has, the game has just become that much harder.

Cal rises on shaky legs, his expression cold. “Speaking of Farley, she might be done in the cells now.”

My blood goes cold and I blink stupidly. “But you didn’t catch her this time. She got away.”

“I didn’t catch her the first time. The Sentinels had already apprehended her by the time I caught up to them.” He nods to Sara and with a slow dip of his head whispers, “thank you, for saving my life.”

She smiles at him, a tiny weak expression but it lights up her face. She takes Julian’s hand and rises from her chair.

It feels good to have the two of them on our side now, playing the game with us. Maybe with them, we can actually win this time around.

[veliseraptor]

do you have any fics (in any fandom) that you wish had got more attention? and would you like to highlight them now? :D

oh this is a fun question. I feel like every writer has those fics that they wish had gotten more attention and I am certainly no exception. to pick a few...of course, some of these are in small fandoms so the fact that they got less attention is inevitable. but still, they’re ones I’m proud of. (I did not put the Lymond fics on here, though, because my expectations on that scale are sort of ‘if three people read it I’m happy.’)

Girls Like Me, Death Note. 2.1k. This is one of those fics that’s like...kind of a weird one, and I get why it didn’t get a lot of attention, but I’m very fond of it. It was for the concept of Misa/Takada as a pairing, brought on by a rewatch of Death Note with some other folks that included, among other things, a lot of consideration of the way Death Note treats its women. 

Mostly it ended up being more about Misa and misogyny, and very much inspired by the lyrics of the song it’s titled after (by ThouShaltNot):  Girls like me have given up on lending out our eyes / For if and when you bring them back, they've shrunk another size /Your tiny tweezer hands are so precise, but cold as steel /Girls like me are sick of being flesh they touch, but never feel

all my wastelands flower, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 3.8k. I don’t know that I’d actually written explicit Mildmay/Felix before this fic? I can’t remember doing it, anyway. And it’s very much in line with my “service top Mildmay” agenda, which is the only way I can really see him playing that role for Felix, ever. 

And I’m just pleased with how it ended up taking shape, and the fact that for all it’s a very...tender fic, the dysfunction is still very present. I love balancing those things and I felt like I did a good job here.

Iron-black Wolves, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 10.3k. Look, I’m not sure how good this one is but I’m damn proud of it in concept and pretty pleased with the execution, too. Longest fic I’ve written for this fandom thus far (I have longer ones in progress oops), and I just...had fun playing with a whumpy relatively minor canon divergence that doesn’t necessarily actually change much about canon moving forward, but is certainly delightfully self-indulgent in multiple ways.

Still, On With the Show, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 2k. This is an older fic (I think maybe the oldest on this list? other than possibly Girls Like Me, I’m not checking dates), but I’m still pretty pleased with it. The concept was basically “Felix, pre-series, dealing with his anxieties about his old life catching up” - it’s a period of his life that I find interesting and haven’t personally explored much except for here (and in one other fic). I was proud of feeling like I got into some of the headspace of a Felix who is in a very different place than the one I write most of the time.

post war blues, Wheel of Time. 4.8k. This is another one where I’m like. Yes, I know why this didn’t get more attention, I’m not surprised, but I personally really like it, so there. What do you mean, everyone didn’t want post-series fic featuring Min and resurrected Ishamael/Moridin/Elan Morin Tedronai? I mean, I guess I didn’t know that I did until @taimproblem pointed it out to me, but.

Sin to Heaven, Dragon Age. 2.9k. My one and only Dragon Age fic! and of course it is pretty much just “make Cullen suffer, psychologically.” You hand me a situation like we’re given in Kinloch Hold, from a character I’m stupid fond of who is a traumatized mess and a half, and I’m not going to do something with it? Who do you think I am?

tear out all your tenderness, The Untamed. 7k. This is relative, obviously, because by nature of this being a bigger fandom this and the next fic are more popular than many others, but it is a personal XueXiao favorite and I feel like has gotten less attention than some of my other fics for them. Which makes a certain amount of sense! I feel like it doesn’t quite neatly slot into the dynamics I’ve mostly found in my reading, but that’s kind of what I was trying for.

And I really like some of the writing in it. 

Unnatural Selection, The Untamed. 3.1k. Again, relative, and XueYao is always going to be a more minor pairing, but this is the...less popular of the two of those I’ve written (there’s a third in the wings and you know I’m going to do more, right) and I think I actually like it more. The dynamics in both are a lot of fun, and there are certain things about I Come With Knives that I like more, but this one I’m pleased with because it is very much the push-pull of who is in control/who isn’t that I love with these two. 

And the way that they like. Like each other and also really don’t. And just the concept, too, because I didn’t know how much I wanted “fucked up sex in the vicinity of Nie Mingjue’s corpse” until I started writing it. 

we’re not the only ones, MCU. 4.8k. This one is like. Buried deep in Remember This Cold and doesn’t feature the main characters of the verse it is part of, but it’s one of my stealth favorites of the series (with Retrospective another of those). This was my first time writing Sam Wilson POV, and this fic was fun because it let me really...dig into and play with dynamics that don’t usually get to take center stage. 

Also I just had a lot of fun writing Sam trying to wrangle his disaster friends, and basically picking up the team leader role in Steve’s absence, and actually doing really well with it, because he would.

what little girls are made of, MCU. 3.5k. This one was an exchange fic that I wrote intending it to be Sharon/Natasha and it ended up only sort of being a pairing fic, and sort of more being about Natasha’s mild social dysfunction and the ordeal of trying to make friends with a spy who doesn’t really make friends in a normal manner.

I’m really proud of it, actually, and I wish it had gotten more attention.

[ranma-rewatch]

Episode 24: Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen

I cannot believe it’s here. Welcome back to the Ranma Rewatch, and it’s time to finish the Phoenix Pill story arc with this episode. I think. I’m pretty sure. I...do not remember this episode at all, really. Like I said last week, most of what I can recall is from the mockery of a YouTuber I used to follow. But I am unshackled from his opinion! I watch this episode with new eyes! Let us see what sights I shall witness!

...

I should have listened.

I wasn’t prepared for this.

So, here’s the plot. They’re on a snowy mountain. Why? No clue, I guess they just wanted to go skiing. Ranma isn’t skiing, Cologne shows up, they start to fight a little, and she reveals that there’s some competition going on, and the winner gets a date with Shampoo and if Ranma wins he gets the Phoenix Pill.

Everyone gets made because of the date with Shampoo part, even though...like, it’s really obvious that he’s just doing it for the pill. There’s a lot of forced conflict over that, and it ends up being just Cologne vs Ranma. It looks like he’s winning, she offers to make this all about their duel. If he wins, he gets the pill, if she loses, he has to marry Shampoo.

When Ranma accepts those terms, she immediately starts wiping the floor with him, and nothing he does makes a difference. In the end, the only way to win is to get Shampoo’s help. She turns into her cat form, which terrifies Ranma until he starts using Cat-Fu. That is actually able to kick Cologne’s butt, and eventually she gives up and hands over the pill. Ranma turns back to his uncursed state, happy to be cured, but he did it in a women’s bath so he looks like a pervert. THE END.

I’m...going to start by talking about the few things I liked here. I think having Cat-Fu being the way to defeat Cologne is a pretty cool idea, especially since it was that story that began this arc. Little bit of a full-circle thing.

There was a decent smattering of cute Akane stuff, and I like that she once again is the one who can immediately calm down the raging Cat Ranma. Not only that, but the Shampoo stuff wasn’t bad. The episode showed off her more scheming side, as she was happy to use Cologne’s plan as a way to steal Ranma’s affections and get a date from him, but in the end she was also happy to work against that plan just to help Ranma out. Plus, Ranma purposefully playing on her love for him was a pretty classic Ranma thing to do.

That’s all my niceness.

This was, by my estimation, one of the biggest drops in animation quality I’ve ever seen. That episode of Gurren Lagann where everyone is super off model? That looks like that show at its best compared to this episode. There’s just...so little animation, and what we do have is frequently full of errors. It’s an action-heavy episode, too, and none of it looks good.

It was bad-funny at first, but after a while...it just became hard to watch. So much reused animation, so many errors, so much still shots. I am not an animation person! I normally don’t care about any of this! But is actively made watching this more difficult.

It’s also just...an underwhelming way to end the arc. They’re just randomly in the mountains, no reason why. Cologne bets everything on a fight against Ranma, he finds a way to win, here’s the pill. Some of the ideas could have worked, I think, if given proper backing. But there’s just nothing here.

Not only that, but wow the dub was bad here. Not only was this a case where, because I preferred Cologne’s Japanese actress and she was in it a lot it was better, but also because the translation for the dub was terrible. There’s one line change that is so baffling, it turns a kind of okay line into something incomprehensible. I was looking forward to my watch on the sub, if only so I could figure out what had just happened.

Hey, why not, the arc is done, let’s talk about Cologne. Neither of her voice actresses are incredibly well known, but at least her Japanese voice actress, Miyoko Aso, has also been Pinako Rockbell in Fullmetal Alchemist and Shoga from Inuyasha. (She also passed away in 2018, after living quite a long life. Rest in peace.) The english voice actress, Elan Ross Gibson, is also fairly unknown, with her biggest work being as Baba in one of the Dragon Ball Z dubs.

As I mentioned before, they do play the character differently. They’re both going for “wizened old woman”, but Gibson’s Cologne is a lot more...toothless? She mostly sounds tired and bored. Aso gave the character a lot more life, more energy, and it’s that performance that’s working much better for me so far.

As a character, Cologne is...okay. She’s a very old Amazon warrior, the first character to appear who is, flat out, far stronger than Ranma. She serves as both an obstacle, what with the whole pressure point scenario, and a mentor, teaching him his signature move. There’s a sense that as much as she is trying to get one particular thing for him, namely marrying Shampoo, she’s also interested in seeing how he’ll develop, she’s impressed by his potential to grow stronger.

That said, she’s not even close to being among my favorite characters. She’s useful for dispensing exposition or teaching techniques, but her plots to get Ranma to marry Shampoo just...feel kind of boring to me. That’s genuinely all I have to say about her, at least for now. But who knows? Maybe one day my tune will change with this rewatch.

Y’all, I think it’s obvious, but I didn’t like this episode. I have no hesitation saying it was worse that Dr. Tofu’s mom’s episode. But the real question is: is it worse than the clip show? One was basically nothing, the other the active presence of bad. How you weigh one versus the other is a matter of personal preference, but for me, I’m going to say this episode was worse. At the very least, the season 1 finale had the animation from good episodes to show us.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’  

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 19: Clash of the Delivery Girls! The Martial Arts Takeout Race

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 23: Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan

Episode 17: I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye

Episode 20: You Really Do Hate Cats!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 21: This Ol' Gal's the Leader of the Amazon Tribe!

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Episode 18: I Am a Man! Ranma's Going Back to China!?

Episode 24: Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen

But that’s it! The story arc is done, and next week...I can’t believe it. I’m so happy! With next week’s “The Abduction of P-Chan”, we’re starting a little arc I’ve been dying to revisit for ages! If you’re watching it on the Hulu order, then you’ve already seen it, but I’ll talk more about that next time! See you then!

[evangeline-of-montfort]

ash garden (ii)

chapter 1 read it here on ao3

The words leave me in a jumble, trying to push from my mouth before the enemy arrives. Trying to call for aid before I am utterly trapped. “Elane, there’s an active raid. I’m in trouble: Sector E-1. Please– ”

The ground itself shakes with the force of drumming hooves as figures burst from the treeline, surrounding me in seconds. I don’t get much further before a gust of wind rips the wireless broadcaster from my fingers and sends it flying over the ledge behind me. Windweaver. 

Now I’m well and truly on my own. I pray that the raiders hadn’t interfered with the second broadcaster, that Elane heard me and sent aid. 

If not, I could die here. 

I count a dozen other raiders, each sitting astride a wall of shaggy fur and horns.  Bison. From experience, I know that they can sustain over a dozen bullets before going down. The animals’ eyes are flat and glassy, a sure sign they’re under the control of a Silver animos. 

Fuck. 

“You weren’t broadcasting for aid, I hope?” the lead raider asks coolly. Her nose and mouth are covered with a black bandana; above it, her eyes are hard and unforgiving. I reach out with my ability, scanning her up and down. She carries two pistols with eight rounds each, bright copper and heavy tungsten; her belt buckle is silver. 

I weigh my options, wondering how many enemies I could cut down before the bison trample me into the earth. The odds are not good, so I start talking. “No help is coming for me, I’m afraid. I seem to have been cut off from my unit.” 

The raider shrugs. “I apologize—we may have interfered slightly with your broadcasting capabilities. It wouldn’t have been ideal for newblood freaks to rush us from all sides as soon as we got close to you.”

As soon as we got close to you. Any lingering hope I had of this being a random attack vanishes. They targeted me specifically, but why? 

I choose my next words carefully. The voice I use belongs to a lost princess from a lost court, but it serves me well here. “Why waste thirteen seasoned raiders on one patrol officer? You must think quite highly of me. Either that, or you aren’t sure of your own abilities in the slightest.”

As I talk, I study the raiders, trying to pick out the details that might save my life. Why are they here? Who are they? 

Each of them wears a black bandana covering their noses and mouths. Their eyes are all hard and cold, veined with gray. Their clothes seem relatively new, a far cry from the mismatched rags that raiders usually wear. I spot an emblem of some sort—a shield emblazoned with a silver stripe—and it looks disgustingly familiar. 

My stomach drops as I realize what it is. 

The Nortan Silver Secession is here.

One of the raiders slides off her mount, moving with a liquid, easy grace.  Silk. “Why waste thirteen raiders on one person? Well, that would be very simple,” she says, talking like she would to a child. “We do indeed think a great deal of you, Your Majesty.” 

She stops before me and sinks to one knee. It feels like a mockery, and it may very well be. “Lady Evangeline Samos. Daughter of Royal House Samos and House Viper. Betrothed of not one but two Calore kings. Former Queen of the Rift.”

My legs go weak at her words. They call me back to an old life, titles won in a country that no longer exists. What game are the Secessionists playing now? “I am no longer any of those things,” I manage. “What do you want with me?” 

The silk tuts as she rises and approaches me, swaying almost hypnotically in my vision. Something in her face reminds me of Sonya and her family. They’re probably related, after all. “I am no longer any of those things,” she mocks. “I see our poor queen has been brainwashed by the Montfort bastards. I hear you have renounced all titles and family ties, my dear. That you walk as equals with Red rats in the streets. That you take a girl to your bed each night—”

“Enough!” I snap, sounding braver than I feel. Her words struck deep, an unwelcome reminder that I am the antithesis of all I was born to be. “Cut the bullshit. What do you want?” 

She is unperturbed. “Why, we want to restore you to your throne, Your Majesty. To crown you queen of all of Norta. Second to no other. And, if you so wish—” She leers, and I can see the disdain in her eyes—“the Lady Haven shall be named your princess consort.”

Her words release an old yearning inside me, a longing for power and for freedom. It tears through my insides before I can control it, and the greed has to show on my face.

“That’s it, little magnetron,” the silk coos. “You need not resist. Blood need not be shed. And before the week is out, you will have a throne and a crown.”

She is offering me what I was raised to want. I was  born to be the queen of Norta. Such a deep-seated desire does not simply disappear. I feel my old ambitions surge to life, a roaring tide inside my head. 

But I know now that what the silk offers is not true. To wear a crown is to lose your freedom of choice. Power given can be just as easily taken away.

And here in Montfort, with its too-close sky and sheer granite cliffs, roaring whitewater falls and dark green pines, I have everything I want. Ptolemus and Wren are here. I am free to love Elane, to marry her, and to grow old and die with her. I do not need a throne. 

What I need is to get out of here alive. I need to stall for more time and hope that backup is on its way.

“A crown and a country,” I say slowly. Every word is an extra second I’m alive. My mind searches frantically for an escape route and comes up empty. Please, Elane. I need you. “Now, that’s a hard offer to beat, Lady…” 

“Tana Iral, Your Majesty.” So she is related to Sonya, maybe a cousin or aunt. Her eyes gleam with barely-suppressed excitement, watching me as a cat watches its prey. As my mother’s wolves used to watch me. 

I briefly wonder what will become of me if they have their way. They could make me their puppet, controlled in every action by a Merandus whisper. The thought terrifies me like no other. 

Keep talking. It’s all I can do. 

“But… enlighten me,” I continue, forcing the fear away. “There is already a stable government in place in Norta. Democracy. Equality of blood. You speak of a waiting crown, but I see no throne.”

Tana laughs, showing even white teeth. “ Yet, Your Majesty. A government led by Reds and their allies is no government at all. They cannot hope to stand against us for long.”

My stomach twists even tighter. “You propose civil war.”

“A restoration of the throne to its rightful owner.” 

“Countless lives will be lost,” I say slowly. “Silver lives. Valuable blood.” I try to fall into my expected role: a blood supremacist, a Silver lady. It isn’t difficult—after all, it’s who I used to be. 

Another one of the raiders shifts impatiently. “Those Silvers forfeited their lives when they betrayed their people. We have no qualms about clearing them out of the way. Will you, Your Majesty?” His words carry a thinly veiled threat. 

They’re getting tired of stalling. My time is almost up.

I don’t know what I would’ve done if left to my own devices, but suddenly, several things happen all at once. 

Tires screech on asphalt as a cycle roars down the Hawkway. Someone dismounts and runs towards me, and a glowing blue shield erupts across my vision. My heart jumps in my chest. Davidson. Elane came through.

I scan the Hawkway for more reinforcements, but there are none. The premier’s the only person I’ve got, but I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have here except Tolly.  

The raiders overcome their surprise and attack. I feel exactly six guns fire at once, and without blinking, I stop the bullets in midair and throw them back. Two of them cut through flesh, and the rest go sailing into the woods, missing the raiders entirely. I grit my teeth—I’m out of practice. 

A gale-force wind picks up. I stagger and lose my balance, and it throws me to the ground. My ribs slam into the dirt, knocking the wind from my chest. 

The air itself turns into a vacuum, sucking the breath from my lungs as I scrabble uselessly for purchase. I try to shout as I’m flung towards the edge of the cliff, but my own breath chokes me, forcing the sound back down my throat. Stars swim across my vision, bright spots of color that almost hurt my eyes. 

The windstorm is cut off as suddenly as it began. The sounds and sensations of battle abruptly disappear as a dome materializes around me and the premier, blue as a robin’s egg and nearly an inch thick on all sides. 

Still on the ground, I cough and gasp for air, stunned by both the impact and the sudden silence. My heartbeat pounds in my ears, and every breath is unnaturally loud.

“Can you stand?” Davidson bends over me, his eyes alight with concern.

I grasp his offered hand and gingerly pull myself up. Nothing seems broken—I can already feel the bruises spreading, but I’ve definitely had a lot worse. “Thanks for the save. You’ve clearly been practicing.” 

He smiles at that. “Even old dogs can learn new tricks.” 

I suddenly lose my balance again, catching myself on his arm. At first, I think my brain hasn’t reoriented itself properly, but then I realize it isn’t me. 

The ground is trembling again. 

I look up in time to see the bison charging us, a moving wall of pure muscle. A mountain of shaggy fur slams into the shield, inches from my face, with enough force to knock down a small house. The dome shakes under the impact. Despite myself, I flinch back, nearly colliding with Davidson. 

An awful crunch filters through the muffling effects of the shield. One of the animals collapses sideways, its neck bent at the wrong angle. The others begin to sway uncertainly, stamping at the ground, but their eyes go flat as the animos reasserts control. They shake their heads, stunned, and charge us again. 

The dome flickers, growing weaker with each impact, each passing second. It’s incredibly disorienting, like the entire world is underwater, distorted. Everything is blurry except for Davidson at my side. The ground shakes, my vision flashes blue, and the drumming of hooves rumbles in my ears like thunder. I want to curl into a ball on the ground and put my head between my knees until it’s over. 

Instead, I put a hand on Davidson’s shoulder. It trembles with strain, nearly in time with the flickering shield. “Don’t give out on me,” I say, trying to bolster us both. “I’d like to get out of this alive.” 

His eyes meet mine for the briefest second, the only acknowledgement he can manage. I can’t begin to fathom the amount of willpower it takes to maintain that dome. He doesn’t look it, but the premier might be the strongest Ardent I’ve ever met—and I’ve fought the lightning girl. 

My legs brace automatically as another charge begins. I can feel the vibrations in the iron soles of my boots, like standing on top of a rattling transport. Next to me, Davidson grits his teeth. His stare is so intense I can feel it, even though it’s not leveled at me. 

“How much longer can you last?” I ask, and my voice echoes around the tiny space.

He only shakes his head, the smallest of movements. We don’t have long at all.

The Nortans prowl around the edges of our bubble. They don’t waste energy attacking—they don’t have to. All they have to do is wait for Davidson to give out, and they’ll have us outnumbered eleven to two.

Who has the advantage? Lord Arven’s voice echoes bitterly through my brain. That question has an easy answer. 

The hard part is neutralizing the advantage. 

“We have to kill the animos,” I realize suddenly. 

Briefly, I wonder if their animos is family. One of my mother’s Viper cousins, here to drag me back to Norta at long last. I can only think of a few nobles who could control half a herd of bison for this long.  “Which one of them do you think–”

Even with the bandana, even through the uncertain light cast by the dome, her face is familiar. We have the same eyes, after all—Viper eyes—but hers are brown to my gray.  There’s no mistaking it.  

“Atara,” I whisper. 

In another life, we were friends and allies—cousins—at court. She helped organize my birthday gala when we were fifteen. I cheered her Queenstrial, even though I knew she didn’t stand a chance. She was my mother’s favorite niece. 

Davidson seems to realize. “I’m… sorry,” he says. “If—if there were another way…” 

The strain in his voice surprises me—the premier isn’t one to display exhaustion. We’re out of time. This isn’t the place for doubt, or morals.

“There isn’t,” I say flatly. “She’s chosen her side. I’ve chosen mine. Drop the shield on ten.” 

The premier nods, unable to manage words. A sheen of sweat coats his brow. I slide a steel ring off my right hand, forming it into a bullet with a burst of willpower. 

The blue shield disappears. Sound and color rush back to the world, but I barely notice. My vision tunnels until all I see is Atara’s black-clad figure. I take a deep breath and let the projectile fly, and like an extension of my own arm, I feel its trajectory across the clearing. I feel the miniature crosswinds as it slices through the air. 

I feel it puncture fabric, flesh, and bone, in that order.

Atara crumples to the ground.

I’m sorry. 

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: January 2019

I've decided to do my Current Music Obsession posts once a month now! There will be two ranks for honorable mentions: songs I really liked and ones I loved. This means only my two favorites from each week will have a little bit written about them, but those favorites and the tracks I loved will have links so you can check them out if you're interested in them. So without further ado, let's see all the honorable mentions for the month of January!

In the Woods... - Transcending Yesterdays Voices from the Fuselage - Vestibule of Hell Beseech - Drama (live) Circles - Resolution Voices from the Fuselage - Via Voices from the Fuselage - Domus Decembre Noir - A Weeping Sunrise Exxiles - Last Common Ancestor Lyria - Let Me Be Me We are the Catalyst - Where the Mountain Stands Ravenface - Colder Synkvervet - Secret Silence Elane - Sabatea's Song (You are the Princess) Kiana - Scars Fleshgod Apocalypse - Minotaur (orchestral version) Witchcraft - В объятиях темноты (dark ver.) 0010X0010 - She'll Never Be Me Disgaea 5 Main Theme Profusion - Vanity Fair Third Realm - Last Forever Tales of Berseria OST - The Evil Surging on Prison Island Lesbian Bed Death - Fury Xandria - Fire of Universe Be Under Arms - No-Go Zone Rhapsody of Fire - Rain of Fury Roniit - Visceral

The Anix - Interchanger Sapphic Musk - Kittenz Nostalghia - Kingdom of Disturb Kid Harlequin - Hounds feat. Marcela Bovio Evereal - Psycho Lemuria - A Plague Upon the Land Nonamen - The Eye of the Storm Voices from the Fuselage - Destitute Hämärä - Villi Länsi The Synthetic Dream Foundation - Glittered Ripples from the Depths feat. Marcela Bovio Rïcïnn - Drima Öxxö Xööx - LMDLM Post Malone - Wow New Zone - Demons (demo) Fen - Ghosts of the Flood Donny - Blind for You

And now for the real obsessions for the month.

Imperia - Fear is an Illusion

This is their first single off their upcoming album and it's amazing. Helena's screams have improved so much since the release of Tears of Silence, and she screams a lot on this track. It's such an empowering song and is full of so much bombastic energy. I can't wait for the release of the second single.

Delain - Masters of Destiny

Ok, they did not have to snatch my wig like that. They fucking slayed this track. Charlotte's voice just keeps getting stronger and stronger as time goes by, and this track is pure proof of that. It's so powerful and beautiful and so different compared to their previous works. Hunter's Moon is looking to be an outstanding release and I need that box set. Also, the music video is absolutely beautiful.

The Hardkiss - Does it Feel

This is such a fun track from them. It's very high energy and one of the more poppy tracks off their latest album. But one of the things that I absolutely love about this track is that it shows off Julia's range. She sings in a way I've never heard her sing before and she hit some notes I've never heard her hit before. Definitely a cool track from them.

Caelestia - Thanatopsis

This is a great introductory track for people if they've never listened to them before. It's very solid and perfect to be a single. It's not super chaotic and technicle like some of their songs can get at times, but it definitely works. Also the video is so dark and creepy, but in the best ways possible.

Akoma - Hands of Greed

I wound up rekindling my love for the Revangels album after getting a physical copy of it and I wound up rekindling my love for this track in particular. It's so simple, but it's so insanely beautiful. The choirs are everything and are what truly make this song. It's such a wonderful song.

Asrai - In Front of Me

I decided to listen to Touch in the Dark since I was thinking about ordering a copy of it and wound up falling in love with this track. It's very fun and great start to the album. If more 80's goth bands that had singers like this, I'd probably like more of them. They're the perfect blend of trad goth music and gothic metal, and this track is a great example of that.

Flowing Tears - Kismit

I recently decided to give Thy Kingdom Gone a listen after not doing so for a couple of years and wound up falling in love with this song. It's so different and unique compared to the other stuff I've heard from them. It's so dark, gloomy, and melancholy and I absolutely love it. I really do wish they were still together, but knowing that Helen is still making music with Lighthouse in Darkness is good enough for me.

Swallow the Sun - Upon the Water

This is absolutely stunning. These guys really know how to make an a beautiful track aggressive. It's such a gorgeous track, but it still packs such a wicked punch. I also can't help but wonder if this song was maybe somehow dedicated to Aleah Stanbridge. I know she had strong ties to this band, so it wouldn't surprise me. The reason why I wonder this is because of them referencing the nightingale. Since her passing, people have referred to her as a nightingale. It's just something I've noticed that I figured I'd mention. Anyways, go check this song out.

And that's it for the month of January! I hope you guys enjoy this new format for these posts! I can't wait to see what songs will make it onto my list in February, especially since I'm going to start listening to new releases for the year this month. Let the fun begin!

[crunchy-multi-fan-one-9]

Star’s Regret. Draft.

This is a rough draft of an upcoming part of my story New Face At Echo Creek.

Star made her way to Elan's room, she was going to wake him up. She was feeling better now then when she did last night when she yelled at him. She like Marco had already gotten dressed.

Thinking back on it, she felt bad now. She realized that she let jealousy get the better of her. She's so used to being the guest living here.

It was the Gustav/Charlie Booth thing all over again. But it wasn't like this as Star herself, liked Elan and saw him as a friend. Though she had to admit even before yelling at him, lately she wasn't acting much like a friend.

Star was feeling more and more guilt welling up inside her. She then stopped herself.

"Come on Star. Don't beat yourself up like this, sure you made a mistake... But that's all it was..." She says to herself.

As she nears his door "All you have to do is wake him up, get him down for breakfast and then apologize later.."

She knocks on the door, there is no answer. Star frowns at this and she knocks again. Still no answer.

Knocking once more she says "Elan? It's me Star. I'm.. Sorry about last night... But Mr and Mrs. Diaz have breakfast ready."

She sighs, she really was starting to get annoyed. She starts to walk away with a sigh. If Elan was just going to be a jerk to her, ignoring her when she tried to say sorry. She didn't care.

She then gets fed up and runs back to the door and opens it up. She then sees that no one is in the room. Star walks inside of the room she herself made for Elan.

"Elan? Are you in here?" Star says looking around.

Soon, Star sits on Elan's bed with a sigh, she notices something on his pillow. It's a piece of paper that is folded and has the words "For Star" on it. Star curiously picks it up.

She opens it and sees that it is a note. Parts of it looked tearstained, suggesting that Elan cried as he was writing it. Star starts reading it.

"Dear Star,

I am so sorry about everything. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself in anyway. I know how that feels and I would never wish that on anyone. Especially not you as I think you are a very kind and sweet person."

Star stops reading after that. She was surprised that he thought of her as kind. After his she had been to him lately. Star was starting to feel bad. She continues to read on.

"Maybe I shouldn't of seemed so open and eager to the Mr. Diaz and Mrs. Diaz's hospitality. It's just... The way I felt.. I felt so happy, loved and warm inside. I loved living here with you, Marco and his parents I haven't felt like I had any real family, outside of Master Warlick, for years.. But... I can't live here knowing that it upsets you so much, making you act cruel when I know you aren't."

Star was feeling a strange feeling in her stomach. There was a heavy feeling within her stomach. This guilt building up in her stomach felt bad.

"I wanted you and me to be friends, heck maybe close best ones. You, me and Marco and Janna too even and Jackie. But well it looks I screwed everything up. I'm so sorry I wish I never came to Echo Creek.

Last night when you snapped at me, I felt so, so guilty afterwards. I... I must've been selfish. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it if I made you feel left out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I... I am such a creep. You were here before me and I should of respected that... I will message Master Warlick in a few days to pick me up.

I am too embarrassed and ashamed to even show my face to you again. I'm so... Sorry... I'm... sorry... You won't ever have to see me again, or hear from me. Good bye and I hope you, the Diazes and the others all live good lives. I'm leaving because I can only stay in this house if we're all happy, if you aren't though and it's because of me... I must go.

Sincerely, Elan."

Star felt tears falling down her cheeks when she was done. Reading this made her realize how much of a jerk she had been to Elan. She thought back to the times when she had been mean and harsh to Elan.

She also thought back to what she said to Elan out of jealously and anger last night. She felt so disgusted of herself. She was wondering why she had to have been so mean. It was all because she was jealous.

Star wiped the tears out of her eyes. She wondered what she would say to Marco and Mr and Mrs. Diaz. Star feeling utterly horrible and guilty, holding the letter.

[dkarchives-blog]

Mack Loses Another Award | Mackaaron

Mack was disappointed but honestly, she had quickly come to terms with her loss. It was easy to do considering that this was the fifth award show she'd attended and the fifth one she'd lost. Now, Mack wasn't a sore loser. She was grateful just to be there. But Mack knew she had a great voice, or at least she thought she did. Now, she was starting to doubt herself. It was hard not to. Mack didn't know what more she was supposed to do. She showed up to each award show hoping more than anything to receive some kind of recognition. Yet, it seemed as though everyone but her was getting their moment while Mack was waiting on the sidelines. Mack couldn't help but begin to question everything. Was her voice good? What if music wasn't for her? What if she was wasting her time? What if people simply weren't interested in her? It hurt. Mack was working her ass off these days to get something, anything, in return and she was getting nothing. She was tired. The fact that she had to endure the night without Aaron at her side made it all that much worse, honestly. Mack changed out of her gown as soon as she entered her room, wiping at her eyes now that she had taken off her makeup. She collapsed onto the bed, laying on her back and immediately squeezing her eyes shut before running her hands over her face. She didn't want to cry. She was just so...tired.

Aaron already knew that Mack had losther award, whichmeantthat he was a little sad too. He knew that Mack deserved it all. She was an amazing girl and person, she could sing like no other and it was unfair that she hadyet to get an award. Aaron knew her really well and he knew that she needed reassurance about all of it. He had been on the plane from Europe when all of this was happening, so by the time he arrived. He was taken to the hotel. Where he knew Mack would be and got the spare key that he asked for in reception. So he slipped inside, setting his duffel bag down and made his way over to the bed with Mack. "Hey, there. Surprise.".

Mack moved her hands from her face as she heard the front door of the suite open, slowly pushing herself up. Mack let out a small breath of relief as she saw Aaron, immediately standing to make her way over to him. Meeting him halfway, she slipped her arms around his neck tightly to envelop him into a hug. She closed her eyes as she held him close, exhaling softly. "My favorite surprise," Mack replied gently before pulling back and looking up at him intently. "Was your flight okay?" Mack tried to keep the topic away from herself, mostly for the sake that she was avoiding breaking down completely.

"Yeah, it was okay." Aaron said easily, not really caring much for it. He was so used to all the constant flying, he barely kept awake. He used them for naps. Leaning down and kissing her head several times, Aaron hugged her tightly and sighed softly. "Feels nice to have you back in my arms though."

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, glad to hear it. She closed her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her head several times, managing a small smile as he arms slipped around him once again. "The feeling is mutual, love," Mack replied softly as she held him close.

Aaron laughed a little, pecking her lips and then looking down at her with soft eyes. "Hm? Yeah, I know. How are you feeling though? Everything okay?"

Mack kissed him back gently before frowning a little at his question. Mack shrugged her shoulders a little, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm fine," Mack replied softly even though it was far from the truth, looking up at him and forcing a small smile.

Aaron took off his jacket as she pulled away, frowning a little and moving to take a seat next to her. "Hm. Okay. But if you aren't completely okay, then that is okay too. Because its okay to be a little disappointed." Aaron said softly, his hand tangling in her hahir carefully as he stared at her.

Mack watched Aaron intently before looking down as he sat next to her. Mack shook her head a little, closing her eyes as he tangled his hand in her hair. She exhaled slowly, licking her lips before speaking up again. "I'm disappointed, I'm sad, I'm embarrassed, I'm all of that. But it's nothing new when it comes to this," Mack replied softly, placing her hands on either side of herself.

Aaron watched her intently as she spoke up, clearly intending on hearig her and paying as much attention as he had to. "Mack...calm down. It's an award. We all lose them." Aaron knew that she deserved them, but she was young still. Maybe her time wasnt it yet, who knew. "You cant let this bring you down, okay?"

Mack turned to look at him as soon as he spoke up. "Calm down?" Mack asked gently, sounding defeated more than anything. "It's not just this award. This is the fifth show I've gone to and gotten nothing, Aaron. They don't want to play my songs on the radio, no one wants me to perform, I'm not winning awards. My record label is considering dropping me because I'm not doing well, okay?" Mack was growing more upset by the second, that much was evident as the tears began to brim her eyes. "All of this is easy for you to say because you're successful with your career, Aaron. And I'm /so/ happy for you, but for once I'd like for things to go my way too. I've been working so hard and giving everything I have any it's...it's just not enough. Maybe this was all a mistake and I'm not meant to do this I don't know." Mack said quickly as her hands moved to her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

Because Aaron knew Mack, he already knew in a way, that what was coming, wouldnt be easy. He had noticed that Mack wasn't having a good day. That she would be uoset and he couldn't blame her. So Aaron just let her at it, he let her say it all out loud because it was easier that way. And once she was done, he nodded slowly and hugged her tightly. "I understand, baby. I know. You think I dont pay attention but I do. I understand things are really tough right nowm they have been for a while but it is gonna get better, baby. It will. Because you are far too talented not to have it happen for you, okay? Fuck the record label, fuck the awards. You are gonna be huge. Because you are amazing, okay Mack? But...sometimes it takes longer. You know how long I have been playing soccer. Since I was a little boy. I didnt just wake up one day and played. It has taken time. So will your music, but it will all pay off. We just need to give it more time."

Mack leaned into Aaron completely as he hugged her tightly, slipping her arms around his middle and nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck as if to hide. She finally let the tears fall freely as she listened intently to him, keeping her eyes shut to focus entirely on his words. She knew that he had a point, but what more did people want from her? Mack was giving it everything she had and clearly that wasn't working. There was nothing left. Mack was concerned that time would only break her more. It would allow more room for things like this to happen. Mack pulled back as he finished before shaking her head a little, unsure as to what to think of it all. She wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath, just trying not to break down completely. "I guess," Mack replied softly, evidently not convinced. It seemed to be working out for everyone else. Why not her? What was wrong with her?

Aaron sighed softly, his hands moving up to cup the sides of her face and leaning his forehead against hers carefully. "It's okay. You know that you can do whatever you want, right? Ofyou want to give it a break, I get it. This is all your decision, babe. I will support you through it all. I just dont want you to focus on sonething as small as an award. What matters most is that you feel good. And if you aren't feeling good enough, then I understand too. I just want you to know that I am proud of you. I will always be proud."

Mack opened her eyes as Aaron cupped the sides of her face, looking up at him intently. "Yeah," Mack replied softly in confirmation to his words before nodding as much as she could. She exhaled slowly, her eyes moving to his dark ones. "I know you are. That means the world to me, really. I don't want you to think it doesn't it's just...getting invited to these things time and time again and sitting there, thinking that you have a chance up until someone else's name is called. It just...it hurts, you know? You're the one and only thing that's seemed to work out for me. Everything else has always just been...like this. I guess I should be used to it."

"I understand...losing isn't easy." Aaron had rough days when the team lost too, so he knew all about that, really. He just wanted to make sure that she didnt feel completely lost. Awards and things like that were popularity contests. "Never get used to failure though. Never. Because sooner or later, while you continue doing what you love, its all going to come right in front of you. And it will all be worth it, baby."

Mack listened to Aaron's words although she moved to stand and proceeded to the window. She crossed her arms over her chest as her gaze fixated on the New York skyline. She didn't respond to Aaron's words although she definitely kept them in mind as she nodded. She could only hope that he would be right. Mack felt lost more than anything right now.

Aaron stayed silent when she did so too, his eyes not leaving her as shr moved away from him and waiting a few moments to actually move towards her and wrap his arms around her. He didnt say anything, just stood there, eyes closed as he elaned his head against hers.

Mack leaned her back against Aaron as his arms wrapped around her, managing to relax a little as her eyes closed. She rested her head against his, exhaling softly as she did so. "I love you so much," she whispered.

Aaron smiled a little as she still spoke up, thinking that she would probably try to close off but glad that wasn't the case and kissing her head gently. "And I love you, sweetheart." He murmured gently.

Mack turned around in his hold and rested her head against his chest, slipping her arms around his middle to hug him tightly. "I'm sorry it's just...I don't know what I'm doing wrong, you know?" Mack asked gently, pulling back a little to look up at him intently. "I'm so frustrated."

Aaron sighed gently as she wrapped her arms around him, jissing her temple and nodding. "You aren't doing anything wrong, baby. You are just starting. You have to stop being so hard on yourself, okay? This is your first album, not your last. It'd gonna be okay."

Mack closed her eyes as he kissed her temple, nodding gently at his words since he was absolutely right. "You're right," she mumbled gently, then leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Always right," she told him with a smile. "Can we go like, swimming downstairs or something?"

Aaron managed a small smile at her words, since that was definitely not the case, but he would let her have this. Aaron nodded a little. "Of course. It is a hotel pool so we gotta get our swimming suits though. Or whatever."

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, not being able to help but laugh softly at his words. "Yeah, of course. Right again," Mack replied gently before leaning up to kiss his cheek gently. She just needed a distraction. She took his hand to lead him inside, making a beeline for her suitcase.

Aaron chuckled softly. He was already in shorts and a shirt so he saw no point in changing, instead let go of her hand to let her change into her suit. "You want me to call the restaurant to get some food?"

Mack let go of Aaron and quickly found her bathing suit. She changed quickly, truly not caring what Aaron saw or didn't see since it wasn't new. Mack put on her top before walking over to Aaron, facing her back to him so that he could tie it for her. "Yes, please. I haven't eaten since lunch."

Aaron checked his phone as she changed, not really making a big deal out of it all since they were just used to all of it by now and then smiled, tying her top for her carefully. "Okay. What would you like to it? I am sire theres everything in there."

Mack turned to Aaron as he finished tying her top, looking up at him intently. Mack thought about it for a moment, eyebrows furrowing before she decided. "French fries and...ice cream?"

Mack flashed him a small smile at his response, moving to grab some towels from the bathroom for them. Mack returned to him and nodded her head gently. "Ready," she replied easily, extending her free hand to him.

Aaron took her hand and began leading her out of the room and to the pool. He knew that Mack loved swimming whenever she had something in her mind, so he would go along with this. He just wanted her to feel better about it all.

Mack followed closely behind Aaron as he led her out of her room, trying her best to forget about everything. She would deal with it tomorrow. All of it. Tonight she just wanted to focus on Aaron and how happy she was to be back with him. At the end of the day, he was the only thing. That truly mattered. Mack had even left her phone behind to focus entirely on him. As they reached the pool, Mack proceeded to two chairs and put the towels over them. There were a few people there, but it wasn't crowded by any means which Mack was thankful for.

Aaron smiled at her as they got to the chairs, moving to take off his shirt and then looking over at her. "Its been a while since we last came to LA, huh?" He asked excitedly. There were people here that loved them and for that he was grateful.

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, pulling her hair up into a ponytail easily. "Hm, yeah. Too long," Mack replied gently. "Are you going to meet up with the boys?" She asked curiously before moving to the edge of the pool.

Aaron shrugged a little, pecking her lips and then moving to jump into the pool. He came back out with a small laugh. "Dont know. I haven't planned anything yet, love."

Mack kissed him back quickly, opening her eyes when he pulled away and she heard a splash. Mack couldn't help but laugh gently, moving to the edge of the pool and sitting on the edge of it. "I think you should," Mack replied softly, setting her legs in the water as she looked at him intently. "I'm sure they miss you. You were the baby of the team, after all."

Aaron swam to where Mack was sitting, grinning a little. "Hm, true. Well, I'll plan something, babe. And we're gonna have fun." He said excitedly, nodding and setting his hands on each side of her.

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, placing one hand on the side of his neck while he other moved to his hair which was now wet. "Sounds like a plan. It'll mean that this trip wasn't a complete waste," Mack replied honestly.

"Hm, a trip with you is never a waste."  Aaron said gently, leaning into her touch and smiling softly. "What else would you like to do in LA while we are here though?"

Mack smiled at his words since she knew they were sincere as ever. She leaned into him and kissed his forehead before pulling back to look at him intently. "I haven't gotten that far. I need to meet with my label tonight. But that's it. Did you have anything in mind?"

"Yeah? Well. I have nothing planned right now. But I'll come up with something." He said gently, letting out a small laugh and grinning as she kissed him. "Are you enjoying the english environment?"

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, relieved to hear it since he typically excelled at things like that. Mack slid into the pool easily, causing her to be in front of Aaron and pressed against the wall. She laughed softly, nodding a little. "It is nice, I won't lie. I don't have to ask people a million times what they're saying. But home is nice too, you know."

Aaron grinned as she slid down into the pool, kissing her cheek and standing right on front of her. It was clear that she needed that closeness and Aaron really didn't mind giving it. "Ah, I know. Its a relief. But yeah, I love home too. I just...I feel at home wherever we are as long as I'm with you."

Mack managed a small smile at his words and she nodded her head a little. "Oh, yeah. I feel the same way," Mack replied sincerely as she looked up at him, eyes scanning over his face slowly. Mack still didn't understand how she'd gotten so lucky that such an incredible man had managed to fall for her.

"Hm, I know." Aaron said eagerly, smiling wodely at her and pecking her lips carefully as he did so. "You're the best, you know that? No matter what you are thinking right now that you dont feel like enough, I promise you. You are the best person I have ever met and the most talented too." He said softly, slipping his arms around her as he did so.

Mack kissed him back gently before she leaned up and slipped her arms around his neck. She moved up easily and wrapped her legs around his middle, then resting her head against his. She listened intently to his words, pulling back as he finished to look at him intently. "You don't think you're a little biased?" Mack asked gently, a hint of teasing behind her tone.

Aaron chuckled a little, nodding eagerly. "I am terribly biased. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. Promise. You could any other person you know, and they would think the same." He said eagerly, leaning his head against hers gently.

Mack rested her forehead against his although she continued to look at him intently, not being able to help but smile widely at him. "You're the most incredible person I've ever met, you know that?" She asked him gently.

"Hm, thank you, babe." Aaron said gently, his eyes soft as he stared at her and then pecking her lips again. "I habe a few weeks off before the season starts, you know?"

"Of course," Mack replied softly. She couldn't help but blush under his gaze before she leaned in to kiss him back gently, settling her hands on both sides of his face. She pulled back as he did, raising an eyebrow at his words. "Yeah? Did you have something in mind?"

Aaron leaned into her touch, humming a little. "Hm, no not really. I just want to spend it with you. But I havrnt come up with anything out of the ordinary, you know?"

Mack ran her thumbs along his cheeks as she looked at him intently, nodding a little at his words. "Hm, yeah." Mack replied softly. "I wonder how soon Drew and Robin will have their wedding," she mused curiously as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Aaron smiled widely at the mention of his best friend getting married. It seemed surreal that Drew had finally found someone that treated him well and that he loved too. It was impprtant to have someone's support like that. "Hm. I dont know if they plan omngetting married real soon. Thought it would be nice, right? Now that you mention them, we might have to go to NYC soon to check out a nice place to set up our tattoo shop and stuff."

Mack smiled at the thought. Sure, Mack didn't know Drew as well as Aaron did, but she didn't have to to see that Robin had turned his whole world upside down for the better. She couldn't have been any happier for hi.  Mack nodded her head gently at his words, leaning into him to kiss his cheek before pulling back a little to look at him intently. "I could hang out with Robin if you do that, you know. I'd really like to get to know her better." Mack murmured gently.

"Hm. That would be nice. I'm sure she would love it." Aaron said easily, pecking her lips and sighing in content. He knew that Mack also needed someone like Robin as her friend. She needed that. "I missed you. I don't like being away."

"You think so?" Mack asked gently, grinning up at Aaron after she kissed him back easily. Mack pulled Aaron even closer after hearing his admission, nodding in agreement. "I missed you too, baby. Award shows are no fun without you, you know that?" She asked gently.

"Hm, I figured you would miss my making fun of everyone there. Cant blame you for that." Aaron said playfully, since he always had something to say. Where Mack was quiet, Aaron was simply funny.

Mack couldn't help but giggle at his words, shaking her head a little at him. "You got that right. I did contemplate like, facetiming you. That's how much I missed your commentary."

[lilyharvord]

The Chain (Part 4)

Main concept: Two love struck idiots get sent back to a pretty UGH time period in their lives (that required me to reread all the books again) and have to hide the fact that they know everything.

Find Part 1/Part 2/Part 3

Tag List: @delilahlbard, @king-maven-calore (you didn’t explicitly ask to be tagged but I saw your tags on part 2), @scxrletguardsdawn, @freaky-freiday, @whatsup-gorls, @kuwei, @redqueenetwork, @elane-in-the-shadows. If you want a tag please ask (((:

Chapter 4

I run. 

I run until my lungs burn and my legs can’t go another step. I had left as soon as Gisa had gone through the front door. She’ll tell our parents what happened. I don’t need to be there, not to see what I had done once again. I could have prevented this. I could have stopped this stupid little misfortune. In the grand scheme of things, it had meant nothing. I had been only thinking about myself though, and following Jon’s words to get me back. I guess I really hadn’t changed that much over the years. 

I brace myself against one of the light posts that illuminate the inn. It’s crowded with patrons, all of them filtering in and out like fish in a stream. These are the people who work in the court. This is where Cal hides. 

My heart pounds, and my face which is still wet with tears burns. Now I would have to face this. I would have to face the man I loved, but he wasn’t that yet. He was still the boy who thought he would be king. I could laugh. From the moment Maven was born, Cal was never going to be king. Maybe I can convince this Cal of that. This nightmare is full of ghosts, and it chills me to the bone. 

I take quick steps forward, my blood boiling again as I think about Gisa delicate fingers shattering under a gun, and Kilorn’s bloody knuckles. A prince, I need a prince. I need a crown prince to be specific, to get me a job in the palace, to save Kilorn, and to save Gisa. I need him, whether it’s my Cal or not. 

I feel like an idiot as I choke back more sobs and push through the crowd of men that stumble from the inn. I take some of my fury out on their sides as I elbow my way through them. They simply laugh though, drunk and happy. They couldn’t care less about a girl shoving her way through them. I kick the door to the inn open, drawing the attention of a few eyes near the entrance. I never came in here; I wasn’t allowed to because I was too young. 

I don’t care anymore though. I stalk through the room filled to the brim with drunk servants and seasonal workers. I look for a pair of golden eyes. He’d be in the shadows. It’s too bright in here for him to be out in the open. These people would recognize him. I need to find him though, so his hiding only infuriates me more. 

I search every corner, but he’s not here. My blood runs cold and I flip around in a circle thinking that there must be one more place that a prince could hide. As I do though, the barman catches sight of me. He points a finger at me, shouting in disbelief, “Hey, you, girl!”

All the patrons turn to look at me, a few of the men raising their brows and stare more than necessary. I freeze on the spot, unsure of what to do. I know what I look like though. There’s dried blood on the back of my neck from where it hit the pavement during the fight with the cloner, and my eyes are puffy and red from crying. I look like hell. I’m surprised no one questioned me until now. The barman shoves his way out from behind the bar and grabs my arm in a vice. I struggle against him as he spits, “You’re too young to be in here. How’d you even get in?”

I claw at his hand but he simply drags me behind him through the rows of tables and chairs spitting, “Stay out of here until you’re old enough. Whore yourself out somewhere else.” 

He grabs the door and rips it open before tossing me out into the darkness. I hit the dirt hard enough that the air in lungs escapes in a wheeze. Behind him I can hear a chorus of laughter and cheers before the door slams. 

Propping myself up on an elbow in the middle of the road, I swipe at my eyes, embarrassed at myself for just standing there and letting him throw me out like common garbage. Lightning blazes to life between my fingers but I stifle it, and slam my fist into the dirt. I can’t believe I thought that storming in and dragging someone out was going to work. I push myself to my feet even though every part of me aches. Cal has to be here. I never saw him go in while I was pickpocketing everyone on their way out. He was inside when I got here, he had to be. 

The door opens again, and I turn away from it, my hands wrapping around my elbows to hug them to my chest. I don’t care what happens anymore. If any man or woman tries to grab me right now, I’ll fry them where they stand. 

Starting down the road at a brisk pace, I resolve myself to fact that I’ll have to find some other way into Queenstrial. 

Boot crunch through the dirt behind me, and I tense in anticipation before releasing one of my elbows to glance down at my palm. It’s covered in dirt and little cuts. This will never end; this miserable experience will be worse than the first time around. 

“Thief?” a voice questions from behind me, uncertain and hesitant. It’s the softest someone has spoken to me since I woke up in my loft again. I know that voice though. It’s whispered a thousand things against my skin and underneath sheets. It’s soothed me after nightmares, and argued with me, and done everything in between.

I flip around, hope flaring, even though I try to crush it. The last thing I need is to face him and it not be him. My chest tightens when I see him though, standing in the limited light, his eyes burning just as much as I remember. I want to touch him, to reach out and make sure he’s real. His shoulders are so tense as he waits for my response, his eyes darting over me, taking in everything. 

“Obviously,” I whisper the word, wondering if this Cal knows what that word means. Maybe he asked because he was curious, maybe this is all just a ploy for him to understand some Red girl who came careening into a bar like a bat out of hell. 

He scrutinizes me for another second, until I take a step forward my hand shaking at my side. “Cal,” I beg softly, knowing it’s a mistake to call him by that if it’s not really him. He surges forward though, his arms wrapping around me and almost crushing me in an embrace. I panic for a moment, thinking he might be trying to kill me, only to feel a soft hand running along my hair as he chokes in my ear, “Mare.”

I melt in his arms, fresh sobs coming as I wrap my arms around him and ball his shirt into my fists. I could scream with joy for the first time in days. I’m not alone, he’s here, he’s with me. I don’t have to go through this horror show without him. 

When he peels me off of him, he reaches up to wipe at my eyes, his touch warm. I grab at his hands trying to feel them, to know this is real. “I thought,” I choke, as I touch his forearms, and then his shoulders, “I thought you weren’t here. That I was alone.” 

He shakes his head, before pressing his forehead to mine. I close my eyes and trace my hands up to his neck before cupping his jaw. 

“I’m here,” he breathes to me, and my legs almost give out in relief. “I thought you weren’t here, I thought I was alone too.” His breath is hot on my nose, but I relish it. His hands drop to my waist, and he exhales sharply. I pull away for a moment, panic flaring in my chest until I see the pain behind his eyes. 

“I forgot how small you were,” he manages to say. How thin and frail is what he means, and I know it. 

I give him a weak smile in response and look him over. He doesn’t look much different from the man I had seen only a few mornings ago. That haircut though, forgotten gods I forgot how much I hated that stupid military cut. I run my fingers along the short crop at the side, trying to stifle a laugh. He looks so young with it. He reached up to grab my hand and bring it to his lips. 

“I know it looks stupid,” he chuckles to himself, before pressing another kiss to my palm. 

His skin is clean shaven, that hadn’t been there when I had last seen him. I press a kiss to his cheek, smelling the soap he uses. He hugs me close in response, like I might disappear if he doesn’t hold onto me tight enough. “I practically tore apart the market looking for you today. Where have you been?” He asks against my temple. I tense for a moment and then whisper, “Living through the shit show that was the days before I met you.” 

His hands stop traveling along my ribs and he pulls away before asking, “Does anyone… does anyone remember you?” 

I shake my head in response. “Do they remember you?” I’m almost afraid to ask. He’s in more danger than I am if they do. If Elara knew the truth about him and what was to come though, she would have killed him at the first chance. “Not that I know of.” 

He exhales in relief. 

I have to tell him; I know I do. “I saw Jon,” I whisper, and his eyes harden. “I saw him in the Stilts.” 

“Why was he there?” 

“He… he’s the one that killed Kilorn’s master. He’s the reason I even took Gisa to Summerton and met you.” I whisper the words as a few patrons leave the inn. They spot us and two of them whistle and tease before traveling up the road. Cal’s eyes follow them in the dark until they vanish around a bend. He turns his attention back to me and says, “What did he tell you?”

Always right to the point with him, I suppose I need that though. Gripping his hand I whisper, “He told me we have to stay on the original path… if we want to get back.” 

“You didn’t ask him where to find Giselle?”

“No,” I reply coolly, “I was too busy trying to save my friend.”

“He ends up fine anyway.” Cal argues, his expression hardening. We need Giselle, we need her to send us back, if she even can. I squeeze his hand, now is not the time for us to fight over this. “He’ll be back.” 

“But not for months, Mare.” Cal urges me to understand. 

“He wouldn’t tell us the truth anyway. He’d send us on some roundabout goose chase to help his cause. I hate saying this, but we need to trust his word.” I wish I could throw up after saying that. I trusted Jon about as far as I could throw him. But my goal aligns with his for now. He wants to see a future where Norta is no longer a monarchy. I want to go to Montfort with Cal and go back to our lives. Those lie along the same path.

Cal sighs at my words, knowing they are true. “What do we do?” He finally asks, as we break apart for a moment. I shiver without his blanket of warmth. Rubbing my arms to remove the goose bumps I say, “We have to make sure things go to plan.” 

“We have to let things go to plan.” He clarifies, before raising a brow at me questioning stare. “Things are already snowballing. I sat in two meetings today that I remember vividly because of what was discussed. Word for word Mare, everything is already occurring.” 

“So we just have to ride it out.” I agree, even though a part of me knows that will be the worst part. Before I had been a participant, now I will be a bystander. 

“Come back to Summerton with me tonight,” he pleads, and I look up in surprise. He chews on his lower lip before explaining, “You’ll be there tomorrow anyway, and I’ll know you’re safe.” 

“I’ll be there tomorrow because you’ll get me a job,” I say with a smirk. I wish I could go with him to Summerton, but I have to be picked up by the officers and Walsh tomorrow. I squeeze his fingers once more and say, “Just send for me like you did before. I’ll be there after that and we can sort this whole mess out.” He looks uncertain about that, and I have to set my hands on my hips to glare at him. He grimaces at that look, knowing it means he won’t be able to make me budge. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t come.” 

“Did you not just hear what I told you? We have to follow everything—”

“And that’s fine, until Elara looks inside your head like she did before and sees everything.” He interrupts, his voice collected and calm. It looks so odd for a younger Cal to be talking like that. If he were actually his twenty-year-old self, he would have been shouting by this point in time. 

“She was looking for my past, to make sure I was Red,” I say with an annoyed wave of my hand. He laughs at my words and run a hand down his face replies, “until she finds out there is a whole bunch of time that is repeated, and that you have all these years of your adult life that an inexplicable. You don’t think that would trigger any red flags?”

“Well are you going around putting red flags everywhere that would make her look for that time?” I grumble, wondering if he has been doing exactly that. Or was he doing what I did, and just trying to tip toe around everything and get a feel for the situation?  

His face pales, and he looks away for a moment. My heart flutters in panic. What have you done you idiot, I want to demand. “Did you give them a reason to question you?” I ask softly. Screaming at him isn’t going to change anything. He might have thought this was all some coma dream anyway. 

“I almost killed Maven.” Cal whispers the words and my skin burns with lightning at the mention of them. 

“Almost killed him?” I breathe, and he grimaces before pressing the heel of his palm into the bridge of his nose. “I was walking around a corner, trying to figure out what had happened, and I slammed into him. I thought I was having a stroke and I—I almost killed him.” 

“As in took a knife to him?” I gasp, but he shakes his head quickly and replies, “No, I almost lit him on fire. As if that would have done anything.” He grumbles the last part. My shoulders relax though. Maven would have thought he had just startled Cal. Nothing had happened. I end up laughing. He glares at me as I slowly lean against a lamppost and laugh until my sides ache. 

“I don’t think that’s very funny.” He spits, which only makes me laugh harder. When I finally have enough air in my lungs I gasp, “I would have fried him on the spot and actually killed him if I came around a corner and smashed into him.” 

Cal’s lips curl up in a smile as he says, “I ran too. I think he thought I was having an attack or something.” He laughs too, realizing that no damage has really been done. I shake my head slowly and then whisper, “As long as we don’t give them a reason to go digging, they won’t go digging.” 

“So you want to do this? You want to fall into a force field, get captured, be interrogated and then shoved into a dress?” Cal asks carefully, all humor gone. I shake my head slowly as I glance down the road in the direction of the Stilts. “I want to be able to do everything without going through that process. I have to be in the palace though, because I have to be the one that Farley seeks out.” 

His lips draw into a tight line before he says, “I’ll join with you.” 

“Cal,” I groan as I let the back of my head rest against the post, “you can’t. It has to be Maven, because you have to turn me down on the bridge, and you have to bring me into the palace because Maven has to betray us.” The stubborn ass just doesn’t get it. 

“Well I end up a traitor anyway, I might as well do something with that. I can get you better information than Maven anyway. He only sat on some of our father’s councils. I sat on all of them.” 

“And that’s great, until Farley takes one look at you and puts a bullet between your eyes.” I huff. It would be great to have him as my partner rather than Maven, because at least then the information being given was honest. He looks furious with the whole idea, and I know why. Reaching out I take his hand and run my thumb along his knuckles. “I’ll be fine. I know what he is.” 

“That doesn’t mean—“ he trails off, his eyes going up the road in the direction he has to go. I know what he’s thinking about now too. He’s thinking about the question he asked me years ago, when we first decided to try this again. I have the choice now. I could save Maven, and choose him. My heart aches at the idea. I told him I could never answer that question. I still believe that I could never answer that question. I push off of the post and step closer to him, letting his arms slide around me and bring me close. Resting my cheek on his chest, I whisper, “I love you. I loved you in this moment, and I still will love you years later.” 

He doesn’t look too certain with my words, but I grab his face and pull him down for a short kiss. When I trail my lips up to his ear I whisper, “I agreed to marry your dumb ass didn’t I? I didn’t run for the hills when you asked, what makes you think being back here will change that?”

“That you are going to be reminded of the man I was,” he grumbles as he glances down at me. Tilting my head to the side to see him better in the light I reply, “But I know the man you become. I’m not going through this whole mess with Tiberias. I’m going through this with Cal. I know I can trust him, and that he loves me. I know that what you will do is all to get us through this. Just like you have to know that everything I do is to get us to the end.” 

A kiss on a boat, and many, many hours with his brother. I’m a good actress now, better than I was when I first came to the Hall of the Sun. I’ll need to be to beat Elara and Maven though. I learned at the feet of the master and I’m ready to turn that against him. Cal needs to be just as good though. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he whispers into my hair, and I close my eyes as I wrap my arms around him. I’ll see him tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. I’ll be with him through this whole thing and we will work this out. 

“We can stay here for a bit.” I whisper to him, and his eyes dance to mine. There’s no storm approaching this time, but I still remember the way his eyes flashed in that Peidmont glen. “Only for a bit though,” I whisper as I trail my fingers up his sides, letting little sparks follow my touch, “I have to get back so that Walsh can find me early in the morning.”

The side of his lips quirk up and I return the smile as I bury my face in his shirt. I try to memorize the smell. I won’t be able to be this close for a while, and I need to remember how it feels. 

He trails his nose along the lines of my face, and I smile while tangling my fingers in his hair. “If you get nervous during your big moment tomorrow, you can look down into the Samos box. I’ll be there.” 

He chuckles as he presses a kiss on the edge of my jaw. “I’ll be looking for you in the same hallway I found you in last time.” 

“Go easy on the smoke this time please.” I tease before delivering a pinch to his side. He laughs at my words and murmurs against the curve of my ear, “Blow the cameras when you get there so that we can come up with a plan.” 

I nod, until he nips at my ear. Damn him. Gripping the front of his jacket, I tilt my head up and whisper, “Always the soldier having to come up with plans, can’t you have a little fun and just wing it?”

Something sparks in his eyes as he pulls me into the shadows. “You know I’m very good at having fun.” 

I wish that the next few weeks could be this. We will not be able to escape Elara’s omnipotence in the palace, but we might be able to sneak a few moments. Those might be the only things that keep me sane too.