#me vs being reasonable about leaving school challenge (impossible)

[queerestqueertoeverqueer]

i have applied for the student loan.... i have firmed the university.... i have accepted the accommodation offer.... it is therefore now time to scream for three hours because the prospect of growing up terrifies me to my core.....

[cloud9in]

The Half of It - 2 (Poppy x MC)

Summary: Bea, the town’s outcast is recruited by the school jock to win Poppy’s heart. But what happens when she starts falling for her as well?

HIGHLY recommend you read/re-read part 1

No warnings this chapter

Word Count: 2.6k

Chapter 2: How to write a love letter 101

 “In love, one always starts by deceiving oneself...and ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls romance.”

- Oscar Wilde

I was tasked with what was probably the hardest piece of writing I’ve done in all of my years of highschool, and I wrote eight different versions of the analysis on David vs Goliath my freshman year. That’s besides the point, it wasn’t like any normal research essay. No. For some reason I found that my one and only letter to Poppy would have to be the best thing I ever wrote in the entirety of the universe. Too bad I had to make it sound like it was written by Carter, that big stupid jock. You can guess how severely depressed I became after reading what he had initially written…

 “Dear Poppy, I think you’re really beautiful. Even if you were ugly, I’d want to know you, because you are smart and nice, too. It’s hard to find all those things in one girl. But even if you were only two of those things, I’d be into it. But you’re, like, all three, just to be clear.”

 Bea reads off the paper, turning her head with cringe and confusion at the confident jock sitting next to her. Carter smiles, “She’s all three, like you know all three backs of football. The running back, the fullback-”

 “Thanks for clarifying...:”

 Carter stares awkwardly, waiting for her to continue on. And Bea does, with a big ass sigh.

“...About me. Some people think I’m the cutest one in my family. Those people being my grandma...who’s dead now...Never mind about my dead grandma. All I’m saying is that I like fries. I like dipping them in my milkshake. Is that weird? It’s actually really tasty. Would you like to try that with me sometime?

 CJ, school quarterback.”

 Bea takes a good five minutes to compose herself. Yeah this was definitely gonna be a long week. She lowers the paper slightly and turns to Carter, a puzzled look in her eyes. “So what you’re trying to say is-”

 “I’m in love with her.”

 That confession definitely would have sent her sprawling a few feet back if she hadn’t been sitting. Love? What was love? And why does she despise it now that Carter has mentioned it. 

“...Have you ever spoken to her?”

 “Well...no, I’m not good with words. Besides, would I be here with you if I did talk to her?”

 Bea rolls her eyes and huffs exhaustingly. “Carter, you're not in love. You’re just stubborn.”

 “No I’m not! It’s love, I know it’s love. Love feels different, it doesn’t feel...real. It almost feels impossible. But we indulge in it because of the thrill, the adrenaline of chasing someone mindlessly...and wanting to be present in everything they do. There’s that ‘what if?’, the question that could make or break that love. Even if the ending isn’t what you had hoped for, at least you know how it felt to feel so much joy, so much want.”

 Carter stares up at the ceiling in thought, his eyes seem to be unfocused, staring at nothing and everything. Bea gazes over at him in part shock and part admiration, a smile painting her face. “...Wow.”

 “...Hm, yeah. I heard it in a dating app commercial once.” 

 Bea gasps and smacks Carter repeatedly with the letter in her hand, clearly disappointed. 

 “Wha- Ow!”

 “And here I was thinking you were being original.”

 Bea eventually sits back in her seat, her shoulders slumping as she reads the letter over and over again, trying to make sense of it. That was the problem though, it didn’t make sense, well maybe the fries part did, but the blonde had a lot of work to do. Carter watches her silently until he can’t hold back the lingering question in his head. “...Haven’t you ever felt it? That screwy feeling that love gives you? Poppy makes me feel screwy.”

 Bea continues to read, her eyes glued onto the words that are slightly falling out of the printed lines of the notebook paper. But her mind is fully elsewhere, she heard his question loud and clear. The only thing she could muster was an annoyed “no” in efforts to not become vulnerable.

 He intertwined his hands together, leaning back on the bench. “...Oh I get it, you’ve never been in love have you?”

 Bea’s legs were already one step ahead of her mind as they sprung her out of the seat. She grabs her bag and swats the papers in Carter’s direction, a scoff leaving her lips. “You want a love letter? I’ll give you a love letter!”

 “Yeah but will it be something that makes her fall in love with me and not walk away like you’re doing right now-” Carter’s voice rings out hurriedly yet Bea can’t hear anything except the pounding of her heart getting louder as she stalks out of the church. Love, love, love, what even is it? Will I ever feel it? There is nobody who could make me feel-

 The blonde was cut abruptly out of her thoughts as she crashed into someone, who was most likely on their respective part of the sidewalk. All of the materials in her arms fell to the concrete and Bea rushed to pick them up, “I’m sorry I-”

A familiar blonde set of locks and porcelain skin came into view and she immediately stopped and looked up. Poppy’s eyes were already boring into hers, a look of slight concern, and maybe annoyance? on her face. 

 “...I’m-I’m Bea Hughes…” She could only stutter, all those moments that she pretended to talk to Poppy in her room were definitely not paying off. 

 But maybe it did pay off because a small smile, masked with sparkly pink lip gloss started to form. Poppy bit her lip as her eyes crinkled with amusement, “...Yeah I know. You’ve only been playing my dad’s services on Sunday for, like, four years. He does favour you...even if you are a heathen.” Poppy peers over at the church that Bea had just come out of and raises an eyebrow in curiosity. She picks up a stray book from the ground and grins with an impressed look. “Remains of The Day...Loved it. Mr. Stevens is quite the character.” Okay, so Poppy has great taste in literature, that’s another thing to add to the list that Bea totally doesn’t have stored in the notes app of her phone. Listen, she has to write a love letter to Poppy Min Sinclair, so every piece of information is vital. 

 Poppy hands the book to Bea, their eyes never leaving each other while standing up. Say something Bea. Anything. It’s almost like the strawberry blonde was waiting, hoping, for her to speak . 

 But she said nothing. No, all the insecure blonde could do is stare into Poppy’s eyes, almost as if she wasn’t afraid to turn to stone. 

 The sound of car tires scraping against the pavement caused Poppy to break eye contact before smiling one last time at Bea. “This is me.” Bea watched the shorter girl stroll past her so casually, the complete opposite of what she was feeling in the moment. She didn’t speak until Poppy closed the car door and the driver took off, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips. “I’m Bea Hughes? Really?”

 ***

Bea sat in front of her tv, a pen and notepad in her hand. She couldn’t think of anything to write down. How do you write a love letter, or a confession? This is the one thing she had trouble writing. The tv blasted on with 1987’s “Wings of Desire”. Bea cocked her head to the side when the man started to profess his love. She put her pen to the pad and started writing. 

 Poppy,

 You don’t know me, and truth be told I see that as a good thing. You know that saying, there are plenty of fish in the sea? Well I am not a fisherman, nor do I think you are a fish. Letters are not the form of communication that I would personally prefer, but I am the one writing to you. So no more complaining. I think you are interesting. Like a book I want to read. I’d even read the author’s notes at the end just to get every bit of you. I don’t desire a lot of things, but I long for a wave of love to swell up in me. That’s what makes me so clumsy: the lack of pleasure.

 Yours, 

Carter 

***

Bea pushes down on her pedals, pacing her breath with each turn of the wheels beneath her. The voice of Carter appears as he races behind her, careful not to send her flying last time. Then she’d never write a letter again.  “Bea! She wrote back!”

 The blonde pulled the brakes on her bicycle so hard a wheel might have popped off. She was out of breath but suddenly the reason for it was different. Bea grabs the letter from Carter’s hands and makes haste to read the words she imagined would sit on the paper. 

  Carter,

 I like Wim Wenders too. Wouldn’t have plagiarized him though.

 -Poppy 

“Who’s Wim Wenders and why’d you cheat off of him? Bea I looked up what plagiarism meant.”

 “I didn’t cheat off of him!...Okay maybe I did but this is a good thing!”

 “HOW?”

 “It’s...it’s like a game. She’s challenging us..but in a good way.” Bea nods to Carter but also to herself. There was a response. She didn’t think that Poppy would write back but she did and it has changed Bea’s outlook on everything. She was in, and there was no way it could stop now. 

 “So...are we back in the game?” Carter’s words jumble Bea out of her thoughts and she stutters, “Yep..yes we are.” No you are. “We are definitely back in it.” Nope just you Bea. 

 Bea leaves Carter with an awkward fist bump before peddling away, her mind racing with a million thoughts. But they always seem to close back into one familiar blonde who danced and did everything Bea couldn’t. She sighed, the adrenaline pumping its way out of her lungs. 

 “Game on, Poppy Min Sinclair.”

***

 Bea spent the following days perfecting her next letter to Poppy. This one would be more heartfelt, and less cringe and plagiaristic like her last one. It would come from her and only her...but for Carter of course. The thing is, when Bea started writing again, she didn’t think about the fact that Carter would take credit for everything on the paper, and that he would be the one that develops a *possible* relationship with Poppy. Maybe she didn’t want to think about that part, but the other parts brought just the right amount of serotonin to make her shitty day better. Everything she read, everywhere she went reminded her of the strawberry blonde, and of the unfinished letter. Bea attempted to step into the life of Carter’s and speak like a jock would, without making him seem like something he is not. But that was hard. Because it was her words, her mind. Carter would take that from her, even if it was unintentional. 

 It didn’t help that Carter didn’t want them to be seen together in public. He would slide to the opposite end of the bench in the church when his football buddies would come in. Bea didn’t take it personal. She of course had other things going through her mind. 

 It took 7 days. One week. To finish the second letter, a very short one. Bea wouldn’t describe herself as a perfectionist, but every word that Poppy would read had to be perfect.

Dear Poppy,

 Okay you got me…

 Now that that’s done, let’s start over yeah? I’ll start by saying that I sometimes hide behind other people’s words. For one thing, I know nothing about love. I’m 17 and I’ve lived in Farmsville my whole life. I hang out with my friends, I keep my head down. I’m a simple...guy. Which is to say, if I knew what love was, I would quote myself. But I don’t. I have a question for you, please answer it in any way you want. Are you happy where you are right now?

 -Carter

Bea sat in the church, silently tapping away at the keys of piano, a simple soft melody following the nod of her head. Carter had found her like that but didn’t want to disturb. Except, Poppy wrote back again, so this was big news. They both sat in confession booths as Bea read the letter quietly, her hand gripping the edges a little too harshly. 

Dear Carter,

 You know that it takes eleven muscles to yawn? This is the sort of weird fact I find myself recalling to keep myself from...well yawning. Or showing anything I feel really. And I find myself doing that a lot. So yeah..believe it or not, I turn to other people’s words too. 

 When you’re a pretty girl, and I know it makes me sound conceited, but sometimes I am, but that’s why you’re even writing to me right? I mean my image is what gives me attention, I’ve grown used to that fact. When you’re a pretty girl, people want to give you things. What they really want is to make you like them. Not like them as in, “i like you”, but like them as in, “i am like you.” You may think I’m different, but I’m like a lot of other people. Which makes me kind of no one. It looks like I’ve found my place but I really haven’t. Just a girl who’s lost in the mix. I don’t know why I feel like I can tell you this, but you provide the sort of safety I always craved. You’re interesting Carter, I like you. 

 -Poppy 

Bea read the last sentence more times than she should’ve. Carter watched her silently as she stared into the lines of the paper, maybe hoping that more words would magically appear. The blonde couldn’t describe the feeling in her chest, but it hurt. Physically. 

 “Uh...can I text her now?”

 “Too soon.”

 “No, I'm gonna do it now.”

 Bea felt herself starting to get frustrated, but calmness always overtook any other feeling she had. She was taught to be rational.

 “You do that and she’ll think you’re just like everyone else.” You’re not like anyone else Bea, she needs to know that. 

 Carter lets out a heavy sigh and pulls out his phone. Bea felt a buzz in her pocket and pulled hers out as well. A message pops up alerting Bea of another income of $50 being sent to her. 

***

 Bea slogged through the crowded halls trying to find the exit but before she can walk any further, a firm hand grabs her and pulls her into a familiar classroom. The blonde turns to scowl at the perpetrator which was probably Bradley, but instead she sees bright red lips and black glasses. Ms. Kingsley. But she doesn’t look too happy.

 The older woman holds up a paper which Bea recognizes immediately as her letter to Poppy. How in the world did she get that? 

 “So...this is why half my class is failing their essays?”

 Bea could make a snarky comment back to her, but the sight of the letter sends her thoughts spiraling once again. She lets out a defeated sigh. I mean how did this woman know she’d  written that letter? Ina Kingsley knew everything. “Look...I’ll be reopen for business soon enough.” Bea starts to turn to leave and looks at Kingsley one more time. “I can’t do this for much longer.”

 Bea couldn’t hold in her feelings for much longer as well. But not even Kingsley knew that. She walked out of the classroom with her head down, hoping to avoid eye contact with the one she wanted to see the most. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End Note: Part two is here woah. Thought it would never come. 

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @zigxryanz @uselesslesbianfr @aleiramacaii  @thedaft1 @alexlabhont @iamsimpforpoppy @cloakanddaggerthings @straightlikewetspaghetti 

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous

[septemberlikestea]

(1/3) About the fanfic commentary post you reblogged, may I suggest: 'Maybe he's allowed to want a different end.' I don't know if you'll have anything to comment about it but I'm taking this opportunity to just rant about this line because aaaaaaah MY GOD. This line is now engraved in my brain. It has flipped my perspective on the DLC's 2 routes. I used to think of Brumm’s route as an added perspective on the Ritual, more lore and food for thought.

:^) i am always happy to make people sad about these two :^)

i’m glad i could... shed some light on how i view the whole deal with ritual vs banishment? brumm’s deepnest monologue, the grimmkin master and nightmare’s poems and grimm himself all point to the fact that the ritual has one ending. it repeats itself. in the howling cliffs, brumm says ‘this once, i would see the ritual fail’, so either someone going out of their way to stop the ritual from being completed is really, really rare, or maybe brumm is the first person to ever do it. which would be fucked up! it’d be really fucked up!!! he cares about grimm so much!!!!!!!!!

you see, i am very weak for characters challenging fate because they love someone so much that they do things that are just... almost impossible?? and then succeeding??? because their love is just that strong???? against all odds..... aa. aaaaaa. AAAAAAA. 

you see..... it’s like......... brumm tries to write a new ending for grimm............. just like.......... in music.......... there’s this term........... called volta........ and it’s used with a reprise......... so after repeating the whole song or a part of it.................. instead of playing the prima volta aka the first ending.......... you......... play the seconda volta............ and it’s a different ending of that part.............................. or something like that, idk, i dropped out of music school................................... yea............................................................

anyway. i appreciate that you enjoyed that line :) i think furthest reaches was just me grabbing words and turning them into arrows and then aiming at people with them.

.......i sure hope people won’t mind me stroking my own ego! i’ll be real, i’m kind of tempted to copy and paste the whole fic here. but i’ll just leave a link because... what if... someone who hasn’t read it sees this. i’m allowed.

It wouldn't surprise him if he no longer counts as a bug, he doesn't often think of himself as such.

A nightmarish version of what he once was, a scared child's desire to not be harmed again.

He doesn't regret it. Whether others say that his form is a kind of deception, it is him. He is himself, just as he was centuries ago.

(At least, he hopes so.)

a person in the comments said that brumm is a once-mortal and that’s. a really good way to put it! 

The freedom the Heart grants to the master of the troupe is merely a reflection of how little it cares, how little it is capable of caring for anything besides its survival, masked as a gift. This conversation they've had many times, too many times, and they never came to a conclusion.

In the end, Brumm doesn't believe it's fair. In the end, Grimm doesn't believe it's unfair.

"You sound tired, my friend. I think we should continue this discussion after you rest," he murmurs with forced confidence. Brumm knows that he is just as tired as him, if not more. Grimm knows he does.

Yet again, he closes his eyes, and they don't talk about it when he wakes.

nightmare heart headcanons! sadness! a tiny flashback! this part has it all. i think despite the unresolved tension and the disagreement on whether or not grimm deserves to get metaphorically thrown under a lawnmower and served at the nightmare heart’s dinner table, grimm cares for brumm just as much as brumm cares for grimm, and grimm is very much aware that thinking and talking about the ritual really upsets them both but especially brumm, but it’s not like there’s anything he can do about it except offer brumm a way to drop the topic entirely, even if brumm is Super Mega Ultra Tired of it and just wants to finally resolve the issue. they’re just two goths that are tangled up in God Shit.

also literally the only reason i did not tag the fic as grimm/brumm is because grimm isn’t actually There alkdhgkldjghsfh. 

Grimm does not deserve a death that results in perpetuation of a cycle that does nothing. No matter how many lives are taken to sew veins, arteries, tissue for the realm, it will forever be incomplete. Grimm's death will mean nothing.

i don’t have much to say about this. it just hurts me. but also there’s my nightmare realm headcanon(s)! wooooo.

Far away from his master, who is sleeping for the last time in his life, who will never see his child again, hiding in a someone's abandoned home, now full of corpses, Brumm lets himself be angry not at himself for already missing him, but at the cruelty of the burden laid upon them all by persistent remains of a god.

i don’t know what possessed me to write this. i think i was crying when writing this line. the part about grimm hits me hard every goddamn time, then the part about brumm just kicks me while i’m on the ground. i’m mean to everyone, including myself.

also i think the summary is quite good bc Deepnest Rights.. thanks for reading this and fuck hallownest xoxo!

[sacredlettersspn]

Letter #3: Character (Dead in the Water, 1x03)

Theme: Character

Definition: mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; the way someone thinks, feels, behaves

Welcome to the Sacred Letters of Supernatural. Today we will be covering episode 1x03, “Dead in the Water” while thinking about the theme of character. When I think of character, my mind goes to the first part of the definition above, the “moral qualities” distinctive to an individual. I am reminded of citizenship awards in elementary school and posters in school hallways with slogans like, “Character is what you do when nobody is watching.” Character has a moral connotation to it with the expectation that I should have “good” character. But that is not the only way to define or think about “character.”

Character is also distinctive qualities of any kind that define a person. Being an avid reader and television show watcher, as a well as a writer of fan fiction, this aspect of the definition is also familiar to me. Creating characters for a story involves building distinctive, compelling individuals that viewers will be invested in. Characters can become so defined that we come to expect certain actions and behaviors from them, and when their actions fall short of our expectations, we label them as “out of character.” In fanfiction, keeping characters “in character” can be a challenge for writers. There is a need to place close attention to the actions, motivations, and philosophies of the people that are being written about. Without these elements, stories can fall apart and readers lose interest. Character is important to a story.

In addition to feeling something is “out of character,” we can have other reactions when a character’s actions surprise us, like when the bad guy finds a cause to be heroic or when the grumpy, standoffish character makes a friend. If these unexpected behaviors are written in a compelling way with clear steps of character growth or appropriate catalysts, we enjoy seeing a character change. Humans can also surprise us in this way. The quiet student can stand up against a bully or a person who has been to jail multiple times can decide to turn their life around. 

It seems that most of the time, we enjoy these kinds of stories. But there are limits to the amount of change we can accept, and that limit is different for everyone. There are men who stop being sexist, nazis who leave their ideology, bullies who develop self-awareness and try to make amends. Accepting these changes can be difficult, if not impossible for some. Yet many of us love movie characters like Loki who develop from the “bad guy” into something better and more selfless. There is the real life vs. movie screen distinction to take into account when thinking about why we react differently. We also understand Loki’s past and watch his development, so we can empathize with him. However, it appears that we often like the idea of the bad guy turning good, but we have a hard time accepting it in real life. “Cancel culture” is an example of this challenge to accept change in people or to recognize the diversity of character within one individual. 

This is not to argue what we should or should not accept, to put a label on right or wrong when it comes to character growth and how we respond to it, in fiction or real life. There are legitimate reasons for not trusting or accepting a person who has committed horrible acts against other humans, or who have passed our own personal boundaries in terms of what we will accept. This discussion is meant to be an observation, one that I think is worth exploring. The purpose of thinking about this idea is to learn more about yourself and how you view the world. I think we can look at this concept of character growth on a smaller scale and consider how we relate it to relationships in our personal lives, and then we can take it and examine how we approach the bigger issues. To begin digging a little deeper into our personal perspectives on this issue, we can ask ourselves, what side of the “acceptance spectrum” I lie on?

So with that question in mind, let’s summarize the episode.

The episode opens in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin with the morning routine of the Carlton family. There’s Bill, the father, and his two children, Sophie and Will, who live in a small house by the lake. Sophie is getting ready to go for a swim. The weather and the lake is calm, but once Sophie’s out on the water, the swimmer can’t help but feel that something is underneath the surface. She pauses to look around, sees nothing, but is soon dragged under by an unseen force. She drowns and her body is never recovered. 

Sam and Dean enter as federal wildlife officers after seeing an article about Sophie’s drowning. This lake has already claimed a life that year, and several more in the past. The Winchesters talk to the sheriff in town, Jake Devins, and meet his daughter and grandson, Andrea and Lucas. Sam and Dean learn that the daughter’s husband was the first drowning earlier that year, and that the grandson witnessed the event. Lucas won’t speak anymore, he only draws. 

Dean attempts to gain Lucas’ trust while he and Sam investigate the lake. They try talking to the Carltons, but Bill shuts them out. Soon after this first conversation, Will dies by drowning in the kitchen sink. Sam and Dean visit a second time and try harder to make Bill talk, but he is almost comatose with depression. 

With no other leads, Sam and Dean leave Bill alone and happen to meet Andrea in a park. Dean connects with Lucas and receives a picture from him, a drawing of a house by a church with a boy standing by the fence with his bike. They find this house in town, and Sam and Dean visit the house of an old woman whose son, Peter Sweeney, went missing when he was around ten years old. Sam and Dean realize there’s a connection between this boy and Bill when they see an old photograph in the house. 

They visit Bill again, but find him riding his boat out onto the lake. While they try to get his attention, something knocks the boat into the air and Bill falls into the lake and drowns. 

The sheriff kicks Sam and Dean out of town after the incident, looking up their ranger numbers and finding out the ID’s are fake. But Dean doesn’t listen, he feels like something is off, so he turns around and visits Andrea and Lucas. Lucas is frantic when he answers the door. His mom is trapped in the bathroom, drowning in the tub. Dean saves her, and she tells him she heard a child’s voice in the water saying, “Come play with me.”

Dean looks through Andrea’s old photo albums while in her home and sees a young Jake Devins with Peter Sweeney. Lucas directs Sam and Dean to a random spot in the yard by the lake, and they dig up an old bike. The sheriff finds them and holds them at gunpoint. Sam and Dean tell him they’ve made a connection. They guess that he and Bill killed Peter Sweeney as kids. The sheriff tries to deny it, but while facing his daughter, he can’t lie. He admits to the killing, stating that he and Bill bullied Peter, but one time it accidentally went too far, and Peter drowned.

The adults argue about whether the missing boy is haunting the lake, with the sheriff calling Sam and Dean crazy. Meanwhile, Lucas goes out to the dock, drops a toy in, and attempts to fish it out. He’s pulled in by a ghostly hand. Sam and Dean jump into the lake to save Lucas. Meanwhile, the sheriff runs to the edge of the lake and sees Peter’s face, pale and dirty, pop up just above the surface. While Sam and Dean search frantically for Lucas, the sheriff sacrifices himself by wading into the water and begging the spirit to take him instead. It listens, pulls the sheriff under, and releases Lucas to Dean.

The character in this episode I want to focus on is Jake Devins because of his involvement with the murder of Peter Sweeney. While Bill Carlton was also a participant, I would argue that the episode focuses more on Devins character and family. We learn that he’s a family man by hearing how he helps out with his grandson after the death of his son-in-law. We see multiple conversations and interactions with his family, so we’re able to get a sense of the kind of man Devins is. He comes across as a hardworking sheriff who cares deeply about his family. He appears to be direct as well, sometimes intense or intimidating in the way he talks with Sam and Dean about the lake. In general, we get an idea that Devins is a honorable, experienced man, so it might come as a shock when he later admits to being involved in the murder of a fellow classmate as a child.

While the audience may or may not have predicted Jake’s confession, his daughter Andrea is completely taken by surprise. She wavers between doubt and wanting her father to admit the truth in the scene where Devins divulges the secret he has kept for three decades. She is shocked by learning the truth, never considering her father capable of murder. But the truth doesn’t appear to change how she thinks about her father. At the end of the episode, she tells Dean that whatever Jake did in his past, Andrea knows him as a good father and grandfather who loved and took care of his family. This version of Jake is what Andrea chooses to remember. I can’t help but wonder if I would have the same capacity as Andrea to ignore something like murder. Would I be able to focus on the good parts of a person’s character after learning of an action like that? And why would I want to do that?

While watching the episode, my own appraisal of Jake Devins’ character fundamentally changes after learning that he frequently bullied Peter Sweeney with Bill and this bullying caused Peter’s death. I wonder how someone can go that far with hurting someone and still call it an “accident.” I wonder what kind of child Devins was growing up and the lack of empathy he would have had to be a bully. I think about the inability he and Bill had to tell the truth, which comes across as cowardice to me. Their actions led to the death of someone’s son, and Peter’s mom never gets any answers. She has to live the rest of her life not knowing what happened to her son. 

It’s challenging to reconcile the two parts of Jake’s character that we see, the honorable, family-oriented sheriff, and the bully who killed a classmate. In the end, Devins’ family-oriented side wins when he sacrifices himself to save his daughter and grandson. But I can’t help but feel that doesn’t atone for his actions. Somehow Andrea is able to reconcile these two sides of her father. Maybe it’s because of the family bond they have. I am an outsider watching this happen, but if Jake was my father or my brother, my response might be different. 

Character is not absolute, although at times we’d maybe like to think it is. It would make things simple for the bad guy to be all bad, and the good guys to be all good. But humans, and fictional characters, exist in the gray. Every one of us responds to that gray area differently. I extend lots of sympathy to Sam Winchester, for example, who in later seasons makes many questionable choices and endangers many people. But when I think about Sam, I don’t define him by those bad choices. I understand the reason he made the choices, and I believe that makes up for the actual content of the decisions he makes. Jake, however, was a bully. He wasn’t acting questionably for a noble cause, he was doing it to be mean and exert dominance. The intention behind the actions matters to me when I’m judging a character, but it's more challenging to judge a character when two juxtaposing actions exist in the same episode. Jake is both a murderer and a loving father/grandfather, and that makes his character very, very gray.

Again, there’s no right or wrong way to view this issue, but I’m offering my perspective as a point of observation. I think it can be useful to ask ourselves how we judge character, by what standards and to what degree of absoluteness, and consider when we are able to forgive or overlook bad choices. Understanding this can give us insights into how we punish and forgive those in our personal life, what issues we feel passionate enough about to draw a line on, and how we may vote on certain political issues. Learning how we respond to fictional characters can give us insight in how we respond to people and issues in real life. 

Lectio Divina

The next segment of this letter is called “Lectio Divina,” which is a Christian spiritual practice for reading scriptures that involves interacting with the text on four different levels. I am following Harry Potter and the Sacred Text’s use of this practice and adapting it the best I can to the visual format. Normally, you pick a scripture or a line of text to analyze. I randomized numbers between 1 and 42 (the amount of minutes in the episode), and picked the first full line after the minute mark I was given.

Line: 5:00, “I’m agent Ford. This is agent Hamill. We’re with the U.S. wildlife service.” -Dean Winchester

Now we analyze this line on the four levels of Lectio Divina : literal (narrative), allegorical (metaphors and symbols), reflection (how do I connect to it), and invitational (what is the text asking of us or teaching us). 

Literal: Dean and Sam are knocking on the door of the victim’s family. They’re posing as wildlife agents in order to get information from the family about what happened to the victim. They’re using aliases of actors, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, who are widely known for their roles as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise. 

Allegorical/Symbolic: The names that Sam and Dean choose immediately jump out at me. The first thing I think of when I hear these names is Star Wars and then I think of the characters, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. The choice of these character names for Sam and Dean can give us an insight into how Sam and Dean are meant to be portrayed, and how Sam and Dean see themselves since Kripke has stated that Sam and Dean were originally based off of these characters. Perhaps Dean identifies with Han Solo, the rugged smuggler who’s a bit cocky but ends up having a heart of gold. But I’m not sure whether we can say that Sam identifies with Skywalker because we don’t know if he chose that alias. It seems more likely that Dean chose the alias’ in this situation.

Personal: Here, Sam and Dean are lying for a good cause, but their lie seems dangerous. I tend to think lying is a bad thing except for rare cases. Sometimes I might lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but even the acceptableness of that is arguable. It’s hard for me to imagine posing as federal agents as comfortably as Sam and Dean seem to. I can imagine myself sweating, a knot in my stomach, and stuttering when I attempt to speak, but the fake agent names roll off Dean’s tongue as smooth as his own. In real life, I would argue against people posing as agents, but I’m supportive of what Sam and Dean are doing. Without their ability to pose as agents, their work would be nearly impossible. I can justify the use of their lying, but I don’t often justify lying in real life.

Invitational: I think this line is asking us to compare the characters of Sam and Dean with their alias’ characters, and to see what insights we can gather from this comparison. With these alias’ used so early in the first scene, I can’t help but think their use is significant, not random. And if we can compare the Winchesters with other fictional characters to gain insights into their characters, then I don’t think it’s too far a jump to say we can use fictional characters to gain insights into ourselves. Characters are powerful, just as powerful as the story itself, and I would argue that this ability to compare and relate to fictional characters is what gives power to a story. We can see pieces of ourselves and our own lives in a story, see courage in the face of hardship, and find inspiration to face our own tough choices. So maybe we can ask what Sam and Dean see in these Star Wars characters, and how might they gain inspiration from Han Solo and Luke Skywalker’s stories. 

Before I finish this letter, I would like to end with a question for the audience. This question is for personal evaluation or contemplation, but if you would like a chance for your answer to be featured on the blog or to begin a discussion, please send your answers to my Tumblr inbox.

This week’s question:

Who is your favorite fictional “bad-guy-turned-good” character?

And last, but not least, a special thanks to our patrons!

Jamie S.

[eldunea]

If Lotor was a Pokémon Masters character…

STATS.

LOTOR & ZOROARK. category: strike (special). type: dark. move 1: snarl move 2: night daze trainer move 1: x special attack. specialized trainer move: foul is fair—sharply raises the user’s speed and critical hit rate. sync move name: intellectual eclipse. (causes zoroark to activate bond phenomenon form until end of battle.) passive skill: illusory evasion—this pokémon is harder to hit than others. weakness: fighting.

LOTOR & ESPEON (sygna suit). category: tech. type: psychic. move 1: psychic. move 2: psyshock. move 3: toxic. specialized trainer move: power of alchemy—sharply raises special attack and special defense. sync move name: world-shattered psyche. passive skill: power of alchemy—special attack may increase when hits land. weakness: bug.

TEXT.

Basic dialogue: “Hm.” “Hmph.” “I see.” ”Well, you see…” “I do love a challenge.” “Do the impossible!” “Not a bad idea.” “I would prefer to do otherwise.” Vs. quote: “Your defeat is imminent!” Sending out Pokémon: “Let’s fight!” After Pokémon faints: “I must have miscalculated.” Level up: “My strength is incalculable!” Good Morning Message: “Every day is a day to grow and learn. Use it wisely, [player name]!” Pokémon Center Quote 1: I’m not just a scientist, you know. I’ve studied almost every field, from history to fine arts. But no matter how much I fill my life with learning…it’s simply not the same without my Pokémon. Joining you was well worth it! Pokémon Center Quote 2: On another note, what do you think Lear is up to? He may be a prince, but he certainly doesn’t act the part. A prince must be kind, humble, caring…and he’s none of those things! Who raised him? Pokémon Center quote 3: My studies tell me that Trainers’ strategies fall into two categories. There are those who win by strength, and there are those who win by deception. I prefer to win through the strength of my bond with my Pokémon. …Of course, I could prefer to win by deception, but I’ve lied and told you otherwise. (winks) Pokémon Center quote 4: It’s okay to trick your opponents. It’s very common on the battlefield to make your adversary believe one thing while actually planning another. But no matter what, you must NEVER lie to your Pokémon! That would be unforgivable! Activating Sync move quote: “Shine with the force of our minds!” Flavor text: A stubborn scholar who packs a punch. He and his Pokémon have as much brawn as they have brains, and that’s a lot of brawn!

STORY TEXT.

Honerva: The first experiment showed that the experimental version of X Special Attack increases a Pokémon’s regular move strength by a factor of one and a half. But it increases the sync move strength by a factor of four! Lotor: Well, it could be because the substance inside the X Special Attack causes differing chemical reactions according to the different proteins that are activated by the use of different attacks…Or it could simply be magic. Honerva: I say it’s magic. (Exclamation points appear over both of their heads and they turn around.) Honerva: I thought I sensed visitors. Lotor: And what brings you here? Dialogue options: 1) We want you on our team! 2) Uh…we were just wondering if… Lotor (if 1): You…you really came all this way just to… Lotor (if 2): I can tell by the look on your face. You want me to join your team for the PML, correct? Lotor: (sprite sighs and he looks to the side) I haven’t battled in ages. I’m sorry, but it’s a no. Barry: But this was a two-hour trip! Are you saying we walked all the way up here for nothing? Lotor: I didn’t come here to fight. I came here to learn. I’d be honored to fight by the side of such illustrious Trainers, but…I just won’t have the energy to join a team. Rosa: That’s not true! You studied and beat Leagues at the same time, didn’t you? Lotor: (smiles sadly) I taught myself the secrets of science while I made my way through my fair share of Leagues. That is true. But that’s not the kind of life I want to lead right now. I want all my focus to be on my work. There’s no time for distractions. (All characters look visibly disappointed.) Honerva: Son, do you mind if I have a word with these Trainers? Lotor: I won’t say no. Honerva: All right then. Come with me.

(scene cuts to outside the lab)

Barry: I know all about you. You said to Wallace that Training wasn’t a real job unless you were in a League. You were the one who tried to get Lotor to go back to school! Rosa: If you’re here to lecture us about what we love, stop right there. You’re wrong. Honerva: Oh, far from it, dear. I’m here to tell you exactly how to convince him to join you. (Barry and Rosa exchange looks of surprise.) Rosa: You have what you want from him. He’s studying with you now. Why would you help us? Honerva: In the past, I wanted nothing more than for my son to give up his profession and return to school. I used to argue with Lotor all the time about battling. I said…some truly awful things that I regret. And now that he isn’t battling anymore, I feel like he’s missing something from his very sense of self. I see now what I couldn’t see before. Battling makes his life whole. Rosa: So how do we convince him to battle again? Honerva: Lotor is as stubborn as I am—which means he’ll never back down from a good challenge. If you want his teammateship, give him a challenge that he can’t refuse. Barry: Then why don’t you do it yourself? Honerva: The decision to give up battling was ultimately his, and he hates being questioned by me. If I say a word, he’ll know what I’m up to right away. But if it comes from you, he won’t suspect a thing. (winks) Barry: Give him a challenge? What could we possibly challenge him wi— Rosa: I got it! I know exactly what to do. Come on, [player name]! Let’s go get us a new teammate!

(scene fades back into the lab)

Lotor: Oh. You’re back. Rosa: We have a challenge for you. Lotor: Which is…? Rosa: We want to fight you three-on-three. You defeat [player name] here, and we’ll go home and never bother you again. But if you lose… Lotor: I come with you and join your PML team? (shakes head) Not a chance. Barry (to Honerva): It’s not working! Rosa: O-oh really? And are you just saying that because you’re scared? Lotor: What?! Honerva: That’s right. You’re just scared of defeat, aren’t you? Lotor: No. I’m saying this because I’m being set up. Mom, I KNOW you went out there with them so you could put them up to this! Barry (to Honerva): Busted. Rosa: Please. That just sounds like an excuse. You talk big with all your League badges, but on the inside you’re just…you’re just a big fat scaredy-cat! Lotor: That’s not what I—oh, FINE. But I would like to add one more condition. Rosa: Yes? Lotor: You won’t just have to defeat me. If you want to have me at your side, you’ll have to go through my mom first. Barry: Oh, and I guess now you want to hide behind her so you can— Honerva: That’s enough. Just take the deal. (steps forward) I’ll admit I’m not much of a fighter myself, but I will do my best!

(Battle ensues, with Honerva and two scientists. Honerva battles with the Espeon that belongs to Lotor in his sygna suit.)

Lotor: Well, you certainly gave them a run for their money. Honerva: Didn’t know the world’s greatest scientist was also a damn good battler, did you? I hardly even knew myself! (laughs) Rosa: It was a pleasure, Miss Sincline. And now… Lotor: (smirks) It’s time for you to lose!

(Battle ensues, with Lotor and two scientists.)

Lotor: (hangs head and sighs) Well, you got me. Barry: Why the long face? Your mom said you loved battling. Shouldn’t you be excited? Lotor: I…I was really hoping I could stay here so I could spend some more time with my mom. She and I weren’t always on the best of terms, but now we finally have a chance to make it up to each other. Honerva: But that’s not the real reason you’re so upset, now is it? Lotor: (shakes his head) You read me like a textbook, Mom. You’re right. It isn’t. Rosa: What’s wrong? Lotor: If I tell you this, you must promise not to tell ANYONE. Barry: Sure thing. Rosa: Of course! Lotor: (closes his eyes briefly before opening them again) It’s about Lear. The man who founded this place. I’ve…I’ve met him before, and I can tell there’s something wrong with him. I wanted to believe he was a good person because he brought so much happiness to others by creating Pasio. But bad people can do good things too, and I wouldn’t put it past him to be up to something nefarious. I feel as though by participating in the PML, I’d be putting my stamp of approval on his poor character and whatever he’s hiding from us…But I suppose I don’t have a say in the matter, now, do I? Rosa: You don’t have to join us if you don’t want to. Barry: Wha— Rosa: I’m sorry. I challenged you because I didn’t know how much you wanted to avoid doing this. I shouldn’t have forced you into something you want to stay away from this badly. You can stay. Barry: But— Rosa: He’s right, though. Lear isn’t the best person in the world. And while I want to give Lear a chance, I don’t blame Lotor at all for feeling the way he does. Let’s just leave him alone. (The two of them turn around to leave.) Lotor: Wait! (Rosa and Barry whirl around.) Lotor: I’ll go with you. Rosa: But you just said— Lotor: First, though. Are we all in agreement that Lear is not a good person? Dialogue options: 1) Yes, definitely! 2) I don’t know him well enough. Lotor’s response to #1: Good. Then what I have to ask of you shouldn’t be an issue. Help me keep an eye on Lear. Lotor’s response to #2: Then I suppose helping me keep an eye on him wouldn’t hurt, would it? Lotor: And if anything goes wrong…we’ll just have to take care of him. Rosa: What do you think, Barry? Barry: I mean he’s probably not evil, but if he is, then let’s give it to him! Rosa: All right! Lotor: So…you’ll really do it? You’ll help me? Dialogue options: 1) Yes, of course! 2) You can count on us! Lotor: Excellent. I’ll pack my things immediately. Honerva: If you need someone to take you back to Pasio, I have a teleporter to send you back in a flash. I wouldn’t want you to go walking another two hours! Rosa: Thanks, Miss Sincline. Honerva: You’re welcome back here anytime.

[heteroglossia]

Thirty years ago Ronald Reagan was president here, the threat of an apocalyptic nuclear war seemed very real, a large swathe of the earth lived under the totalitarianism that got called communism, which seemed like it might last centuries rather than another year in Eastern Europe (and three more for the USSR), Anita Hill had yet to speak up and almost no one addressed sexual harrassment in the workplace, colleges did nothing about rape, date and acquaintance rape were barely recognized let alone redressed, same-sex marriage was virtually inconceivable to most people, the Lawrence vs. Texas ruling decriminalizing gay sex nationwide was fifteen years away, native people had been almost entirely erased in public discourse and white popular imagination and representation, and we got a lot of our energy from coal. The world gets better and worse at the same time.... We have gone into bleak periods and emerged from them, the former often through neglect and obliviousness, the latter often through extraordinary effort by a few, the human sparks, who eventually ignite a human bonfire. (It takes a lot of work to create Stalinism or McCarthyism or MAGA too; there are other kinds of catalysts and agendas.) This is a bleak period, and I feel as bruised and weary and aching at where we are and where we're headed in the near term as you probably do. And cognizant that it's still possible, though unlikely, that something will stop the yes vote tomorrow. It's also possible he'll be disbarred or otherwise disrupted. He will never escape what he himself proved he was: an entitled, dishonest, partisan so used to getting his way that his lies were sloppy, a person unfit in much of this country's and most of the world's eyes to be a judge, even leaving aside the credible allegations of sexual assault. This is also a period of clarification. The ugliness of the powers that have always run this country is exposed, because they are genuinely challenged and that's an entirely unfamiliar and shocking experience: Kavanaugh's fit of rage and inability to control himself is the clearest portrayal of that we may ever see. It's clear what patriarchy does to women, and in order to do that, does to truth and facts and evidence and even rule of law, and much the same is true of white supremacy to people of color. It's clear that their claims to legitimacy resting on being the rational, reasoning, just, capable ones turned to something more rotten than dust along the way. It's clear they put babies in concentration camps. It's clear they refuse all knowledge that interferes with their grasping. It's clear they will not last. "History will not be kind to these people. The truth is that even their best efforts to blunt the political power of diverse majorities will eventually drown in a sea of demographic change. They won the battle but they'll lose the war," said Marcus Johnson today. The project now is to hasten the transition and minimize the damage in the meantime. Another USA is coming, and the young are already bringing it into the daylight, and it's as different as the age of mammals was from the age of dinosaurs. The Soviet Bloc seemed unbudgeable, and then it went up in flames in a matter of months, from within, from the valiant efforts of those sparks who toiled when winning seemed impossible. Sometimes profound change is unpredictable. Sometimes it seems sudden, but the forces have been at work for a while. It's seldom foreseen. From Hope in the Dark: The analogy that has helped me most is this: in Hurricane Katrina, hundreds of boat-owners rescued people—single moms, toddlers, grandfathers—stranded in attics, on roofs, in flooded housing projects, hospitals, and school buildings. None of them said, I can’t rescue everyone, therefore it’s futile; therefore my efforts are flawed and worthless, though that’s often what people say about more abstract issues in which, nevertheless,lives, places, cultures, species, rights are at stake. They went out there in fishing boats and rowboats and pirogues and all kinds of small craft, some driving from as far as Texas and eluding the authorities to get in, others refugees themselves working within the city. There was bumper-to-bumper boat-trailer traffic—the celebrated Cajun Navy— going toward the city the day after the levees broke. None of those people said, I can’t rescue them all. All of them said, I can rescue someone, and that’s work so meaningful and important I will risk my life and defy the authorities to do it. And they did. It's kind of get your boats time, but it's also rebuild your levees time, and it's also time to address the climate change that drives the floods literally and in terms of this metaphor. You can mourn and organize. And there will always be lives, projects, communities, hopes, ideas worth fighting for. There are so many. In that sense we are rich.

Rebecca Solnit

[monkey-network]

WarioWare: The Series Season 1 Episodes

52 Episodes. Season 2 Coming 20XX

Wario’s Stand: 9-Volt is getting bullied at school and challenges them to a fight against Wario, with Wario on board. However, on the day of the fight, Wario is a no show and 9-Volt has to investigate his disappearance before his bully figures out first.

Fare and Balanced: Dribble and Spitz take in a customer carrying a suspicious package, only to find that the package is a rare volatile fruit that could mean an explosive end to their business. However, the ride becomes difficult when they continuously try to keep things smooth.

The Crygor Effect: Dr. Crygor is working on an impossible question and, after dozing off, wakes up to find that Penny was able to solve it easily. Trying to wrap his brain around this conundrum makes Crygor feel inadequate, which results in the scientist aging faster than he realizes.

Destroy All Boomans: Orbulon gets a special prize in his cereal box, but throws it away when he loses interest. But, the special prize turns out to be a force to be reckoned with and begins to attack Diamond City.

Peace and Love (NOT) in DC: Diamond City is under attack! Buildings are getting decimated, streets are leveling, everyone’s scared for their lives...except for Wario and the gang, who all left together for a bonding vacation. Honestly, the only shocking thing is that Wario’s less conniving than usual.

The Horror?: Ashley witnesses the most shocking thing ever and this somehow puts a smile on her face. Is it out of fear? Is it the joy of discovery? Who knows, but she looks creepier than before and it needs to stop.

Jimmy’s Play: A self proclaimed master of disco challenges Jimmy to a contest. And while Wario wants to bank off this, Jimmy is invested for different reasons.

Spar day: Kat & Ana vs Young Cricket. Is that an unfair match? Better question: Is the city safe from their match?

Day of the Races: 9-Volt and 18-Volt stay up all night to play the latest kart racer but forget that school is tomorrow... today. So in the spirit of getting to school on time, they must use their skills from the game to book it before the bell rings.

Punch Drunk: Wario’s latest scheme involves a drink that nobody likes drinking but continues to drink regardless. However, the secret ingredient gets leaked and the competition gets rough when everyone thinks they can make better.

What Do You See in Him?: A teen celebrity is swooning over Mona but is shocked to hear of her crush on Wario, so he challenges the big guy to see who can win Mona’s affections. Wario isn’t interested, but goes along with it, believing there’s a scamming benefit to be had.

The “Hero” Returns: After the events of WW: Gold, with nothing better to do in Luxeville, Lulu returns to Diamond City to try to protect it from the dangers that lurk. Playing hero proves to be hard when little actually goes on, so she tries to win a competition against a familiar mask wearing vigilante.

I Am The Red Man: Red grows tired of Ashley’s condescending nature and decides to sneak out of the manor. He finds a cult that seemingly worships him, but only because he appears as the spawn, and sacrifice, of a greater evil.

Ana-lytical: Kat is forced to go on a journey of self reflection, which leaves Ana by herself for the day. Feeling the weight of loneliness, she connects with the others to learn about the meaning of life.

Bump the Mike: Dr. Crygor’s trusty karaoke/cleaning robot Mike is sent out to get bread from the store. But the way there proves to be a journey of dramatic, possibly musical, proportions.

Boxers Be Brief: Young Cricket meets a young boxer that’s light on their feet and packs a mean punch, but is ridiculed and harassed because of their stature. Meanwhile Wario becomes a fight promoter and seeks to put Cricket in the ring for a fixed fight.

Volt Jockeys: 9-Volt and 18-Volt get to do the morning announcements for school and try to make the most of it. Though they become too popular too quickly, overshadowing actual school time, and the staff silently try to put an end to it.

The Smell of Greatness: Penny is doing a science fair experiment on the worst smell imaginable. Wario takes this as an challenge and agrees to help her help him become the smelliest being in the universe.

Let’s Be Fronk: When day turns to night, Fronks try to unleash their fright.

Cricket Hops: Cricket and Master Mantis realizes that in order to be better fighters, they have to be able to jump over the largest building in the world without breaking their legs.

Crack to the Future: Wario gets into a motorcycle accident and wakes up to find that he’s been comatose for years and his friends and the city has remarkably improved since his disappearance. With no way of going back, is this the chance for the big guy to change his ways or will he have the skill to revive the status quo?

Hey, A Quick Fix: Orbulon helps Dribble and Spitz spruce up their cab, leading them to become legendary defenders of the universe.

The Tale of Two Jimmys: Jimmy T. and Jimmy P. find themselves in a bind when they get locked in a mall. Meanwhile, Jimmy’s Folks invited Crygor over for dinner and the wait gets awkward.

Active Ashley: Ashley finds that in order for a particular spell to work, she has to do a good deed for the community. Ashley being... Ashley, she turns to Mona for help.

The Smart Safe: There’s a safe designated to open to those with the lowest IQ imaginable. Orbulon wants to open it, but is too smart to outfox the mechanics. So he sets out to find the dumbest being in the universe.

Edible Gold: 5-Volt has a recipe for yellow pepper wings that everyone is craving for, but the recipe calls for a rare kind of gold which puts the greedy treasure hunter Wario in an uneasy position and everyone else in a pressuring mood.

Mona’s Bet: Jimmy and Mona make a silly gamble where if she can hold a job that’s not just part time for half a year, he’ll shave off his whole fro. Mona doesn’t think it’s too much a juggle, until she’s forced to work at her school as well.

The Breath Mints of Unfathomable Energy: Kat & Ana find a box of mints and finds that each one contains a special power. The two find themselves at a loss between abusing this power for themselves or making sure no one gets them, so they share them with the gang.

The Guy Who Shoved Me: A casual citizen relives the day where he goes from hating to falling in love with... Wario? Wait, is that right?

Magic Mike: 13-Amp, rebounding from her defeat to 18-Volt, is trying to get a groove back and Mike is around to help as beatboxer.

Slim Jimmy: Jimmy T. suddenly loses interest in disco and tracks out to other genres, which puts Club Sugar on the edge of closing.

Welp, The World is Gonna End: Penny’s tiny lie to Dr. Crygor causes the jumpstart to the annihilation of the Earth, with Fronk being the only one to save it.

The “Hero” Rises: Lulu thinks that Wario seemingly rules over Diamond City like a tyrant, so does her best to rally the city against him. And while that isn’t and never has been the case, and with nobody really listening to her, WarioWare Inc. decides to be there for her and make her believe Wario’s tyranny can be brought down, especially when the big guy owes them money.

Tales of the Greedy, Pig Faced, Pot Bellied Biker Man: 9-Volt and his classmates make stories about how Wario became the anti hero that he is.

Cab Rats: Rats start a taxi service that puts a competitive edge in Spitz. The duo try to outdo the new company, but their efforts spiral to an evil entity that makes Wario looks tame.

The Adventures of Trash Nebula: A Road Runner style episode containing Orbulon getting chased throughout the galaxy by Spiff Gibbous, cocksure alien hunter.

The Most Evil: Ashley is told that Wario is the “Most Evil Being Alive” and keeps track of him to disprove this, only to find that there might be some truth to it. In seeing this, will Ashley come around to actually look up to him? Probably not.

The Jimmy T Power Hour: Jimmy T. has lost his groove and he’s... okay with that. But who stole his groove, why is calm about it, what might the stray cats of Club Sugar have to do with this story?

Mona Please-a: Working for Mona Pizza, she continuously has to deliver to a customer that always gives a dissatisfied review. The palace begins to falter, and the WarioWare gang, especially Wario, do their best to retaliate against the sudden swarm of negative feedback.

A Rap Happy Slam: 18-Volt is thrown into a rap tourney for money and bragging rights, and asks 18-Amp for help. Although reluctant, she sees the heart 18 puts in his lyrics and tries to put her ego behind her. Emphasis on try.

Super Wario Odyssey: In a quest to find the purest garlic clove for his dinner, Wario has to prove his strength and ability as the food gods try to stop him at every turn.

Ninja Notes: A con artist tries to trick Kat and Ana out of their money by giving them fake ninja teachings, but their zealous nature proves too much for him. Then it turns out his teachings are actually successful, which makes him question his own identity.

Invincicricket: Young Cricket finds that superheroes are the best role models for pure martial arts training, and steps up to be Diamond City’s greatest force of justice, with Master Mantis in tow. Meanwhile, Wario-Man returns and gets a sidekick of his own.

Crygules: Dr. Crygor accidentally becomes a muscular beefcake and finds this to be detrimental to his work. But when women and men find him attractive, he’s at a loss between science and modeling. Meanwhile, Penny learns about the wonders of muscles through exercising.

Knabmus: Christmas Time is here and Ashley is having none of it. There is no tragic backstory to this, she doesn’t find the holiday all that great to celebrate. Wario agrees to this lack of sentiment, which is why the two join forces to steal the Christmas spirit however possible, because they want to.

The Producers: Mona and Dribble accidentally become stage producers and have to get a full house by one month or else lose everything they have. Knowing nothing about musicals, with Mona and Dribble slowly having creative differences, what won’t go wrong?

Falling Down: The WarioWare Gang gets stuck in an elevator, luckily Wario doesn’t take up too much space, and try to escape before they’re at each others throats.

No More Zeroes: Kat & Ana have to study for a test and get an A in order to get advanced training. But on their way to the testing place, they stumble upon a war between rival biker clans.

Accidental Chaos: Ashley brings hell and destruction to Diamond City because she has an accident while trying to perform a spell before the DC masters of witchcraft. And somehow, 5-Volt is the one responsible and capable of fixing this mess.

The “Hero” Survives: Lulu is at loss at what to do with herself. Diamond City is all she asked for in an exciting lifestyle, yet she’s generally homeless with no money to her name. So in addition to the WarioWare gang helping her out, she seeks guidance from a group of hobos and even gets help from an unlikely source.

WarioWare, The Musical (Part 1): Agreeing that Wario is never gonna change, the gang cuts ties with him and seperate to better their own lives. Wario’s okay with it at first but finds that money isn’t all to his happiness anymore like usual. So, he turns to an old purple cladded friend to help revitalize his life. Also, the characters are gonna try singing in this episode.

WarioWare, The Musical (Part 2): It’s been some time without Wario’s presence, and the gang has all reached a great level of success. Then again, where is success without a wrench to keep things interesting? It’s not that Wario was a great person, but he did mean something to the gang, to their company, overall. What that “thing” is is debatable, let’s not crush the chance for a heart felt reunion. Singing is again involved and Lulu might actually save the day.

[drumpfwatch]

Attack on Abortion

So, it finally has started. For the past...well 50 years really, the Right has been trying their hardest to do everything they can to fight abortion. Recently, they became a lot closer. So let’s talk about what’s happening.

Their most recent take has been Jim Crowing Abortion by making it stupid hard to get for women, regardless of state. In Mississippi for instance, there is one abortion clinic for the whole state. The whole entire state. And if you finally get there, you have to wait 72 hours before an actual procedure can be performed after you consultation.

I won’t get into every single detail of how this was done, but it was piece by piece, and in the name of protecting women.  These legislatures would draw up new regulations specifically for abortion clinics - which, by the way, are only not a part of hospitals because everyone is afraid to admit abortion is a useful and helpful medical procedure - after going and examining all of them. They then would come back with a plan that none of the clinics could abide all of the regulations of. You have to have walls that are certain distance apart (which doesn’t matter because surgical gurneys aren’t used in most, if any, abortions), you have to hospital admitting privileges (which is also not all that important because by the time the situation would reach that point the patient is probably already in a hospital), can’t be within a certain distance of a school (because all abortion-performing OB-GYNs are sex offenders, apparently). Literally every trick they could try to limit access to abortion without banning abortion or otherwise making it completely inaccessible because that would be illegal.

Honestly, I could go on for hours and hours on this topic, so I’ll try to keep it brief while still making the points I want to make. But the big thing to know is that while Roe V. Wade is still law of the land, it has since been...altered by Planned Parenthood vs. Casey. The law is now “Abortions must be accessible, buuuut you can make women jump through a few hoops to get them, I guess, as long as there aren’t too many.”

Which I’m not sure which part of that is more insulting, the fact that these idiots think that abortions are such a causal decision for women that a little inconvenience would discourage them from getting one, or the fact that these are the same standards for dog agility contests.

Let me be clear up front, right here, right now. Women don’t get abortions casually. It’s not like they’re sitting there 7 months into the hell that is pregnancy and suddenly decide “You know, maybe this just isn’t for me” and aborts. Mostly because that’s not what’s actually legal. Neither do they just fuck anyone they want and then decide “OOps, I got pregnant, better go get a quick aborch to fix this mistake laaaawal!”.

Let’s talk about what is actually allowed and what actually happens in an abortion.

So let’s say a woman has sex and the condom breaks. It’s an accident. She might go to the store and get an order of Plan B. Plan B is not an abortion. Plan B needs to be taken quickly, because what Plan B does is prevent the egg from implanting in the uterine wall - a process that begins the actual pregnancy. It’s possible for a fertilized egg to not make this, and when this happens it’s so minor it’s not even considered a miscarriage. If you believe that life begins at fertilization then you have to grapple with all these innocent babies that die without any fault of the mother.

Anyway, let’s say the woman doesn’t know the condom broke. Hey, it happens. It will take her at least a month to find out that she’s pregnant, because it turns out that unless you get a pregnancy test (which, you used a condom, why would you think you need one?) it’s more or less impossible for a woman to know she’s pregnant until she stops having her period. And keep in mind periods are fickle temperamental things that will change when they show up for whatever reason, so it might be 6 weeks before a woman even has a reason to suspect she’s pregnant if something went wrong. So she goes to the doctor and gets an abortion.

At this stage in development, the fetus is more or less vaguely human shaped, but incredibly tiny and really only has the rudiments of various organs. It’s not even aware yet because it doesn’t even have what could reasonably be called a brain.

So, the woman realizes - wisely - that she is not in a position to have a child despite being pregnant. Maybe she doesn’t have the financial resources, maybe she doesn’t have the time to dedicate to the consuming and difficult task of raising a child. Maybe she just isn’t emotionally capable of it. This is the part most anti-abortionists never think of - why might a woman want an abortion? Even if she puts the baby up for adoption (which is its own complicated and expensive process), she still has to go through the actual 9 months of pregnancy. Her entire life for nine months will be dominated by taking care of this thing. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been pregnant understands what it’s like. There’s so much you can’t do or experience while pregnant. It’s like being hooked up to a life support machine for another person for nine months. And if you didn’t agree to it, well then, that’s a problem.

So, this lady goes to a doctor and gets an abortion. Within the first trimester, these procedures will nine times out of ten be either minor procedures of suction or even just taking a pill that will cause a miscarriage. No anesthetic required. The fetus at this point is unable to live on its own, of course, so it dies. At this stage you could freeze the damn thing and unfreeze it at a later point and it would theoretically still be viable if you could somehow implant it back in a woman. Which, Representative Smitherman, is not a thing, but whatever.

Most women who don’t want a pregnancy know they don’t want it and decide on an abortion before three months. Which, by the way, another one of those Jim Crow type laws that they liked to use was putting in weighting periods so that it’d be after the three month mark that it’s illegal to get an abortion for whatever reason.

See, without going into specifics, the further along in a pregnancy you are, the harder it is to get an abortion. Second trimester limitations basically mean you need a reason more complicated then “Nah, I just don’t want it” and it’s actually illegal to get an abortion in the third trimester if the baby isn’t a threat to the mother’s life. And that makes sense.

Most women who go through with a pregnancy that far willingly want the baby. They’ve been planning for it, they have a room set aside for it, they’ve bought cribs and toys and had baby showers. I haven’t ever met a woman in her third trimester who wasn’t excited for her child. So getting an abortion then is always a tragedy.

The only reason they get it is because the child is dying, if it’s even still alive. The baby could potentially survive outside the mother at this point with a bit of medical help, but that’s the thing. The baby isn’t going to survive at all. We’re talking skull deformations that collapse the brain in on itself, lungs that won’t ever form properly, hearts that half the size they need to be. These children are loved, they sometimes have names already, but tragically they’re just not going to make it. This is basically the only reason a woman gets an abortion in the third trimester, mostly because it’s more or less illegal to get an abortion at this point and most of them have made the decision by now.

This is where you get the rather horrible looking and graphic procedures that pro-deathers like to shove in your face - half of which are so graphic because the baby’s already dead, if they’re even real at all - and that’s more or less the story of how and why abortions happen.

So now that we established how the process of an abortion actually happens, let’s talk about these new laws.

Because these new laws that have been showing up in, say, Alabama, have a purpose too. While the Jim Crow Type laws were meant to try and skirt Planned Parenthood V Casey by making abortions as difficult to get as possible, these laws outright ban abortion.  And there’s a reason for that. With Trump loading the bench with people like Brent the Rapist Kavanaugh, suddenly there’s a chance that the Supreme Court may overturn Roe V. Wade.

That’s why these laws are stupid and draconian. When the 25 cis white heterosexual men who voted for the abortion ban voted for it, they were doing so with the full knowledge that even most Alabamians would find it disgusting because as it turns out most human beings have at least some understanding of sexual health enough to know why this is complete nonsense.

No, we have records of them specifically debating things like, say, whether or not they should include exceptions for rape and the safety of the mother, and deciding they shouldn’t because that wouldn’t guarantee a challenge. And that’s what they’re looking for. These fuckheads don’t care about this law coming into effect, they’re not interested in what the actual law says. The purpose of this law is so that it - and every other one of the heartbeat bills and such - can be used as a wedge to burst open the Supreme Court now that it’s stacked with people who hate abortion and don’t care about women and kill Roe V. Wade. But here’s the thing, the law is going to be upheld in the process.

I want you to look at this picture and remember these names and faces as I tell you this. IF the Supreme Court upholds the law, then until Alabama decides to change the law - and that’s a big if - then every woman in Alabama will be unable to get an abortion in the state of Alabama. She’ll have to leave the state, and to where? Well, we’ve already established that Mississippi is horrible to go to, and Louisiana and Georgia aren’t much better. I’m not sure about Florida’s abortion laws, but I’m willing to bet Kentucky isn’t exactly convenient to get one in either. That’s all the states touching Alabama, so at that point you’re looking into a road trip or a plane ticket.

You see the problem? Rich people can still get those abortions by leaving states and going somewhere else, but the poor people suddenly can’t. Now, one mistake is enough to condemn a poor woman to teenage motherhood. Meanwhile the rich bitches can go wherever they need to to get one done quick and cheap, away from any sound of a heartbeat bill.

And here’s the thing. A disproportionate number of those poor women are going to be black, because it’s Alabama and that’s just a thing there. So not only is this law sexist, an argument could be made that it’s racist too! But that’s not the half of it.

Some women are not capable of bringing life into this world. I don’t mean that physically, I mean that mentally. Some are too young, some don’t have the financial acumen, some have mental illnesses that just make it too hard. These women are condemned to motherhood. But it’s not just that.

Say what you will about what pregnancy actually is, you cannot deny it’s incredibly risky. Death is not an uncommon outcome, and increases in all manner of diseases are just a fact of it.

These men are willing to kill the poor black women of Alabama just so they can take rights away from women all over the United States. And that is disgusting.

[ngochasarchive]

There have been many posts recently regarding first years striking out with investment banking recruiting.

Now that we are nearing the end of the recruiting cycle, I wanted to provide an update on a prior post that was incredibly helpful for investment banking and Cornell Johnson hopefuls, linked here

'20-'21 was an undoubtedly challenging recruiting cycle for all involved. Not only were fewer firms across the Street recruiting, but the sheer uncertainly resulting from COVID-19 lent itself to much more conservative recruiting decisions, both in terms of headcount and selection. That being said, I believe Johnson held its ground and placed a significant number of investment banking hopefuls, on par versus prior year.

IB Opportunities

Nearly every firm runs a structured recruiting process on campus. Firms that came to campus this year, in no particular order, include: GS, JPM, MS, BoA, Citi, CS, UBS, RBC, Wells Fargo, Evercore, Lazard, Moelis, Greenhill, Guggenheim, Jefferies, Houlihan Lokey, Cain, MTS, Piper Sandler, Simmons Energy, Baird, TD, Greentech, Marathon Capital, and Harris Williams. We also placed at Rothschild and Miller Buckfire. Several firms that did not run processes this year include DB, BMO, William Blair, and Barclays. Classmates also received round 1 invites at PJT. As mentioned last year with respect to Goldman, some of these firms that don't consider Johnson a "core" school will cut 50-60% off the resume drop and maybe extend 3-4 round 1 invites. Johnson students placed into top groups at their respective firms.

The (Virtual) Process

The process can be largely broken up into two phases: Phase I includes on-campus interviews, briefings held by the banks, and on-campus networking. Phase II includes hours of Zoom/phone informationals and coffee chats. The process was a bit accelerated this year given the late start. Phase I kicked off a few weeks after orientation and lasted until the last week of October. Phase II ran until winter break in mid December. During Phase II, candidates were allocated 8 hours of interview slots to meet with 4 banks each week. While under normal circumstances, there would be logistical challenges of meeting with more banks each week, the virtual environment enabled candidates to meet with as many firms as possible any hour of the day. At my peak, I met with 15 banks in one week with coffee chats beginning as early as 6:30AM and as late as midnight. The virtual environment enabled candidates to cast a wider net. There are explicit instructions on where you need to be, what technicals you should be prepared to be asked, what emails to send, who to send them to, and even what specific time to send the emails. Each week, you may be cut from certain bank’s processes depending on your performance the previous week. Performance could entail a tech-screen, behavioral interviews with alumni, informationals, and all the other soft-skill interrogation that is par-for-the-course during IB recruiting from any MBA program.

While I had the benefit of not wasting 10 hours per week traveling to and from NYC, the process was absolutely exhausting. On any given day I had 2-5 hours of informationals + class. Sunday nights, when banks inform if you've been cut, can be demoralizing, and being on top of your technicals, recent transactions, and firm knowledge is mentally draining. Serious candidates were lucky to sleep 5 hours per night and were on the recruiting grind 7 days per week.

A large reason the process is so exhausting is the extremely high standards Cornell Johnson alumni have for their candidates. Candidates must first pass through Johnson alumni before being put in front of other and more senior members of the bank. Johnson alum take the recruiting process very seriously and expect excellence. Compared to a colleague at Stern I probably had 2x the number of informationals and coffee chats, reaching well north of 100. From a technical perspective, Johnson leverages its own set of technical prep questions and the 400 guide. Each week, Johnson candidates are given a set of technicals to be proficient in. Alumni are aware of where we are in the guides and those questions are all fair game to be asked in our informationals. Alumni are also aware that questions asked in informationals are shared essentially in real time over Slack and really push the boundaries of acceptable questions to ask. In one such coffee chat, the interviewer pulled up a case study over Zoom and asked that I create the pro-forma balance sheet from provided information. The technical knowledge necessary compounds and questions get more challenging week over week. Week 1 may include the simple walk me through $10 of depreciation. Week 5 will feature napkin LBOs.

Evaluating the Process

Candidly, my choice to apply to Johnson on a whim was absolutely worth it. The recruiting process was insane, but gave me the structure I needed to get an offer. The schedule was very demanding, coupled with a heavy fall course load, but the schedule gave me the chance to demonstrate my abilities. Even in a virtual environment, my class was very close and worked together throughout the process. I believe this experience creates a bond amongst first years and alumni immediately share that connection. Year over year, we are making in roads at more firms, achieving "target" status at new shops, and generally have developed an image of having the grindy/scrappy mentality that firms look for in summer associates. Johnson gets a lukewarm reputation on various forums for its place in the rankings, but Johnson is absolutely a heavy hitter in IB placement.

I will plug thoughts on competition, negatives, and closing remarks from last year's post because they remain the same:

Competition:

I did not feel competition with classmates while recruiting IB at Johnson. I am not naive; I understand that at some level IB offers are a zero-sum game. However, at Johnson, the sheer totality of structured opportunities changes the thought process from “PrestigiousBank1 has X offers this year so I am competing with my classmates for those offers” to “There are going to be at least 12 offers from one of PrestigiousBank1, PretigiousBank2, or PrestigiousBank3 where I am in the running and if I stay on my game I can get one of them.” That attitude is emphasized by the finance club and behavior which prioritizes yourself above classmates (such as backdooring processes or telling multiple banks they are your number 1 choice) is explicitly discouraged by Johnson alumni at the banks. Your classmates are your support system and alumni expect you to go through the gauntlet together. This attitude creates strong connections amongst the class which translates to a strong Wall Street network. Alumni emphasized this point repeatedly in informationals.

Negatives:

Some people would consider the structure a negative if they are supreme networkers who perform best in entrepreneurial environments. That person is not me so I can’t really speak to it. I think the largest idiosyncratic “downside” to Johnson is that the structure and close alumni network make it neigh- impossible to hoard offers. Alumni will know through their friends where you are tracking so nobody is able to sit on 5-6 offers. 95% of candidates will only have 1-2 offers at the end of the day. Frankly, I don’t consider this a downside. By limiting hoarding offers, we maximize our placement across the street.

The other downside worth mentioning is difficult to evaluate. As of this date there are a few strong candidates without offers. Still, there should be at least two more offers coming through the pipeline. From talking with friends at other business schools, this was a down year for IB recruiting but apparently there are deserving folks who strike out every single year from every single school. I don’t believe the few deserving candidates we currently have without offers are inevitable, but I also can’t identify a specific weakness in the process that led to their outcomes.

Overall:

Anybody who wants to recruit IB out of their MBA program should send an app to Cornell Johnson. It is an ideal safety for someone targeting CBS or Wharton, and if you can wrangle money out of Johnson vs going to some of the other strong finance programs at full sticker price, I think Johnson could be a no-brainer. If you are a career switcher who just wants to get into IB, Johnson will give you the opportunity to recruit across every name brand BB and EB on Wall Street. And if you are a finance stud who wants to work for the best groups at the most prestigious banks in the world, Johnson will let you control your own destiny.

----

Having a professional background in finance helps from a learning curve perspective. Those with finance backgrounds have to put a little less effort into learning technicals relative to pure career switchers that have never looked at a P&L before.

I recruited amongst CFAs and CPAs and while they were able to get their foot in the door with banks quite easily, I don't believe they were materially better off than career switchers because cultural fit and personality are far more important than technical proficiency. A few classmates had significant M&A and capital raising experience and they were by far the most sought after.

As every banker will say, technical proficiency is a "check the box". Johnson gives every IB candidate enough resources to "check the box" with every firm. At the end of the day, it comes down to cultural fit, being someone that bankers want to work with, and demonstrating interest in the career path.

---

Q:  When (if) they ask about where you see your future career path, is it frowned upon to say you'd like to end up in Corp Dev/Fin after 2 years as an associate or are they looking for the "career banker" response?

A: If you were interviewing for any other job, would you tell the hiring manager that you are planning to leave after a year to pursue something else?Conversely, if you were the hiring manager, would you give an offer to someone who doesn't really want to be there?Play the game, drink the kool aid, you were born to bank.Also, just my opinion, if you go into IB with your eyes set on something else, you will be absolutely miserable.

[dococonutsmigrate]

Self Care

Big breath, now let it all the way out.  Okay.  Caring for yourself is hopefully something you can come to with kindness and gentleness towards yourself and learning to do these things, and is something to learn to do without pressure or worry.  This is just for you, and just for you to make your life easier, and to help you feel better.

A few brief words about selfishness: You might be thinking that some, or even all, of the things on this list look selfish. That's probably because they are. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with doing them, that it's not okay to do them and take care of yourself, or that only you benefit from self-care. Taking care of ourselves, being selfish in that respect is essential to our health and well-being. Self-care and self-indulgence aren't the same things (but we feel like the latter is also okay, too). And if and when we don't take care of ourselves, and either neglect self-care, or set our lives up so that we only look to others to care for us, we can't be self-reliant and independent, we don't tend to do very well, especially through some of the harder parts of life, and it's also nigh unto impossible to have healthy relationships, too. So, this stuff? It's for you, and your life. Your life that is about you, but also your life that includes other people and relationships with them which are far richer and more multi-dimensional than someone being your caretaker or nursemaid.

Some self-care ideas and standbys:

Movement or exercise (the kind you enjoy and feels good, not something solely with the aim of weight loss or changing appearance or which you only do because you feel you should: think dancing like your pants are on fire vs. situps, or a mellow bike ride on a nice day rather than a trainer yelling at you in an air-conditioned gym)

Cooking or baking; eating things that are good for you, but also tasty

Doing something creative, like making music, writing, cooking, painting: you don't have to be an expert at it, you just need to pick something where you enjoy the process

Baths or showers (singing like you were at karaoke in the shower is often a good touch: pick a song that's a guilty pleasure for bonus happymaking points)

Getting outside/out of doors

Meditation or prayer

Watching a favorite movie, reading a good book (or a crappy one if that makes you feel better), listening to music

Slowing your breathing

Visiting a museum

Getting a haircut or getting your hair washed

Talking to friends or family you know you can trust and who are good to you

Hanging out with friends, family or other community for a distraction

Journaling

Turning off your phone ringer. Better yet, leaving the phone behind for a while, period.

Leaving love letters to yourself on the mirror with post-it notes

Gardening, growing or planting something

Take a day trip somewhere, by car, bus or bike: you can even be like a tourist in your own town or city, checking out things you wouldn't as a resident, but visitors usually want to see or do

Masturbation (Partnered sex tends to be a poor choice when we need self-care, since a) it's not just about ourselves and can add stress and b) tends to be a particularly bad fit when not with a partner well-known to us and in a sexual relationship that's going very well. And, of course, if sex is stressing you out, as with any of these things were they stressors, it'd be a truly poor choice for self-care.)

Counseling or support groups

Change up your transportation if it's stressful: if you drive, see about public transit, walking, biking or skating.  If public transit is making you anxious, look into carpooling

Clean up, spruce up or rearrange your room or apartment

Spending as much time as you want at the library or a bookstore

Sitting somewhere comfortable and relaxing. Seriously, just plain sitting.

Watch silly videos online. Like this one. Or this. Or this. Or this. And most certainly these or these. Or, you can watch some music videos from the 80's, which we thought were awesome, but you'll probably find painfully hilarious.

Visualizing something awesome

Making sure to leave school or work on time, rather than overworking or overachieving

Create a new Tumblr feed or blog about something that is fun for you, and is a way to play and relax (once when I needed some extra self-care charge, I made one called Something Small and Beautiful which was about nothing but small, simple things that made me happy)

Playing with toys, or do something else playful and child-like, like futzing with playdough, spending time playing on a playground, coloring in a coloring book (we strongly endorse Unicorns are Jerks) or with chalk on a sidewalk, or reading a favorite book from when you were a child.

Letting yourself cry, especially if you're a bottler

Doing something simple or small that gets you closer to a goal or dream

Volunteering

Scrapbooking (it's so not just for grannies anymore)

Saying nice things about yourself to yourself

Taking time to do something deeply silly or really frivolous

Playing with pets

Learning to do something you have always wanted to do: try something new

Window shopping, or cruising through Pinterest

Finding somewhere you can yell your head off and yelling like there's no tomorrow

Making a playlist of songs you know either cheer you up, soothe you or help you feel the things you're feeling

Having a picnic: can even be all by yourself

Manicures or pedicures

Make a space for yourself in your room that's dedicated to self-care

Taking a minute to recognize and acknowledge your strengths, talents or achievements

Saying no to someone or something: setting a limit

Helping other people in small ways that feel good, not stressful

Doing a face masque (extra bonus, this also ticks the "do something silly" box because everyone looks a fool with a face masque on)

Going to bed early or letting yourself sleep in for a change

Forgiving other people or letting go of anger or upset you have with someone, or more than one someone

Dressing in clothing that makes you feel comfortable, handsome, beautiful, sexy or all of the above!

Having a pillow fight

Massage (self-massage or a massage from someone else)

Daydreaming

Disappearing in the good way: leave your cell at home, unplug from the net, and go get yourself lost and quiet, all by yourself, somewhere you feel safe where no demands will be made of you

Taking yourself out to dinner or lunch

Insisting on self-care time and space with others as needed; insisting on self-care to yourself

When I do well with self-care for myself, I find one reason why is because I'm mixing up the kinds of self-care I'm doing, rather than only caring for one part of myself, or caring for myself in only one way. Your mileage may vary, but I find it works well to think about something I can do -- in a day, or even within the whole of a week -- with my body, a thing I can do for my body, a way I can be playful, a way I can really sit with and feel all my feelings, something I can do that's creative, something I can do to get outside, and something I can do socially. Of course, sometimes you can do something that combines a few of these -- like taking a photo walk with a camera, where you get to get outside, move your body and do something creative. Or, if it helps you to pare this down even more, see if you can't, in a day, do one thing for your body, one thing for your head, and one thing for your heart or spirit.

When we're freaking out, stressed out, or otherwise challenged and at loose ends, one of the ways we can do self-care is to simplify or relax our lives in some ways that we're able. It's probably obvious that when our proverbial load feels to heavy, lightening it tends to help.

Some ways you can lighten your burden and travel through life more lightly:

Do only one thing at a time when you can, rather than multitasking

If a courseload at school feels too tough to manage, see if you can't drop one of your classes, take an incomplete or audit instead

Get rid of stuff you don't need: sometimes clearing your space can help you clear your heart and head

If you're being super strict or rigorous about something you don't absolutely have to be -- like eating, exercise or a training schedule, studying -- see if you can't relax those things at least some. It's mighty stressful living with a drill sargeant

Taking things off your to-do list or out of your life you really don't need to be doing, can delegate to someone else, or can set aside and do later

Do what you can to take steps to move away from or leave from relationships that have gotten very stale, rarely make you happy, or which are controlling, manipulative, abusive or otherwise dysfunctional. Even if you aren't able to, or don't yet feel able to, leave them full-stop just yet, see if you can't start taking some steps to get there. And by all means, don't go to those relationships, or hang with those people, when you need self-care

Spend less time online, unless you limit yourself to sites and spaces you know are 100% good for your emotional well-being. (If nothing else, at least stop reading blog or article comments.)

Reassess your goals: if you're reaching for too much all at once, pare back, sticking with one or two goals at a time.

Try to stop overspending, whether it's money you spend more of than you've got, time or energy. Get a realistic sense of what you've got in these kinds of areas and what your limits are, and try and stay within them.

Pick a bedtime you usually stick to, and walk away from anything that you can that can pose new stresses an hour or two before: the internet, phone calls, television, talks with people who are stressing you out, homework, et cetera

Ask for help.  I know it's hard, believe me.  But just do it anyway. Sooner, rather than later.

On top of the things you can do, there are also some things we know tend to increase or encourage anxiety, depression, or just plain feeling lousy, that you should try and avoid or limit -- that you should try NOT to do -- to best care for yourself.

Some self-care frenemies:

Trying to stop or shut down hard or uncomfortable thoughts or feelings: not only does that not tend to work, and can even make those feelings or thoughts stronger, letting those thoughts or feelings out is really the way to go to best process and sort through them. You need to let those thoughts and feelings be what they are and accept them.

Booze, sugar, caffeine and other things you can put into your body, like junk food, that aren't good for you: when you want to nourish yourself, you've got to nourish yourself. Stimulating, empty or toxic stuff doesn't do that, and also often increases things like anxiety or depression, especially in the long run, so limiting those things when you need self-care is the way to go.

Validating fears: In other words, you are terrified of a thing, and want to find others who are also terrified, in order to basically make your fears seem more reasonable and not be alone in them.  That's all fine well; and good, except for the part where then you end up not just soaking in your own panic or angst, but the panic and angst of everyone else, which most typically will only exponentially increase yours, rather than dialing it down.

Obsessive Googling: Dr. Google is not your friend when you're freaking out. Neither is Yahoo! Answers (which I've started to call Boohoo! Answers, based on how users seem to be feeling when they come to us for help after going there first and how I feel after talking people off a ledge all day who went there then came to me for help after) or other random crowdsourcing sites, medical sites or apps where you punch in a bunch of symptoms and it tells you you might have cancer when, in fact, you just have a bad head cold. If you're going to go to the web when you're in a bad way, pick places you know, for sure, have a history of doing right by you when you're feeling like crap or needing sound information and support. This isn't the time to take chances.

Lazing about: Especially with depression, it can feel like all you should do is what you want to do, which is to lie down and never get up. But while getting enough rest is important, so is getting enough activity. Avoiding sleep or going without sleep is equally problematic. If you're having big troubles with sleep or activity in either direction, a visit to a healthcare provider is a good place to start to get help with that. Messed-up sleep -- way too much or too little -- really, really does a number on a person.

Isolation: It can feel really scary and vulnerable to be in a bad way around other people, especially if you are introverted or have any kind of social anxiety. But totally isolating for long periods of time isn't a sound answer either. See if you can't at least find some ways of being around other people -- even if you're not directly interacting with them -- when you're stressed. On the flip side, do remember the SELF part of self-care: never allowing yourself to be alone, and to care for yourself, by yourself, at all, isn't sage, either.

Stimulating fears or anxieties with things you know trigger those -- like continuing to engage in sex if it's freaking you out, watching movies about things you know scare you or make you upset, etc. One way of treating anxiety does involve exposure, but that is usually done with the help and care of a therapist, and with very specific instructions. DIYing that is rarely a good idea, and only tends to increase your discomfort and trigger more anxiety.

Negative or unsupportive people and, perhaps obviously, abusive, controlling or otherwise big-time unsafe people. P.S. You count. In other words, beating yourself up about things, talking trash about yourself to yourself, and engaging in other kinds of self-harm makes you the negative or unsupportive person. Be kind to you when you're in a bad way.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/selfcare_a_la_carte

[headbandxbowties]

diana-san  Haikyuu!! 265

I always feel like we are getting the wrong idea of Kenma, like sure he doesn’t enjoy physical activity, but that doesn’t mean he’s not good at it or at least good enough at it to fool other people. I can’t wait to see how this arc pans out because I’m 100% here for it.

(Looks like the English scanlation is still not out yet, so beware of spoilers ahead! Thought these are ~character spoilers rather than plot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I had a think about the chapter (whilst I cooked dinner lol), so I shall borrow your reply to jot my feelings down!

Kenma is not physically strong. That is a fact so there is not gonna be a sudden reveal about him being as hyperactive as Hinata but merely staying low key all these years. Ch 265 discloses that Kenma used to develop fever after difficult training camp and matches. I am sure he is fitter now, but energy wise he is average, thus if the opponent purposely makes him run around the court, he will tire out. 

Kenma is Nekoma’s only setter. There is no Suga waiting on the sideline! So he CAN��T tire out!!!!

Consequently, I suspect the key theme in Kenma’s arc will be “the reason I play volleyball”.

From when Hinata first asked if he enjoys volleyball, to Coach Nekomata’s observation during the Nohebi arc (ie. Kenma has no passion for volleyball, he relies only on logic), to this current chapter (ie. I don’t like it but I don’t hate it so I inadvertently continued playing), Kenma’s attitude towards volleyball has consistently been nonchalant. 

Yet as Kai & Yaku point out, it is impossible to force Kenma to do anything he doesn’t like. 

From Kuroo’s POV (during the Nekoma OVA about Lev & in this Ch), Kenma likes beating challenges and “leveling up”. Whether it’s a video game or a volleyball match, beating the opponent and advancing is gratifying. To experience that high, Kenma is prepared to endure and sacrifice a lot. 

What Kuroo doesn’t SEEM to notice (from his own damn flashbacks!!!) is that Kenma is willing to endure volleyball related stuffs BECAUSE OF HIM. 

He started playing volleyball because Kuroo asked. He joined the primary school team because Kuroo asked. He didn’t quit the Nekoma team because Kuroo asked. When he understood bb Kuroo was upset from a defeat, he PUT DOWN HIS VIDEO GAME and SUGGESTED they practice volleyball. (This ch has the prequel to the “practice by the river” memory we saw ages ago!!!!!!)

In this ch, when Kenma once again acts like he doesn’t give much of a damn about volleyball, Kuroo looks SO MELANCHOLY... then he hides it with his fake polite smile!!!!!!!!! 

100% hurt!!! 100% cares!!! 100% not want ppl to know he hurts and cares!!!!

Fucking hell sensei how dare you hit me with full speed kuroken feels after letting it lie dormant for YEARS!!!!!!!! 

Ok SO

What I want to say is... As it stands, Kuroo (still) feels guilty about making Kenma play volleyball all these years. Kenma never admitted it all these years, but he is prepared to go the extra mile if it is for Kuroo/people he cares about. 

Ironically for a pair whose mutual understanding is on par with iwaoi, this expectation/communication gap has existed between them for a long time.

BUT IT WILL BE RESOLVED IN THIS ARC.

Kenma will be put in a corner. Tested to his limit physically.

His teammates need him more than ever. They finally get THIS FAR in the Spring High tournament! The 3rd years have been dreaming about this moment for years!! Kuroo has been dreaming about this for years!!! Win this match then the battle of the trash heap could become a reality!!!!

For someone who always SAYS he doesn’t care about volleyball or tournaments, it is time to confess the truth. 

PS. throwback to Tsukki vs Ushijima arc eh

PPS. I used to think that if Kuroo leaves, Kenma wouldn’t stay. (Well, he gets on with Lev & Yamamoto now, so he would stay FOR them) Finally an arc to shed light on this. :’)))))))))))

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY A “skybike”, a one-man, open-cockpit flying machine, attacks Dogen. Dogen shoots it down and finds one of Syn’s crystals on the pilot’s body. Carved into the crystal is a symbol of a dead tree. Dogen finds a murdered prospector, whose young daughter Dhyana saw him killed by Baal, Jared Syn’s half-cyborg son. Baal sprayed the man with a green liquid that caused a nightmare dream-state, in which Syn appeared and executed him with a crystal. Dogen convinces Dhyana to help him find Syn.

Dhyana takes Dogen to Zax, who identifies the crystal as a lifeforce storage device. Dhyana tells them about the ancient Cyclopians who once used such devices and says the only power against it is a magic mask located in their lost city. Zax affirms this and directs Dogen to find a prospector named Rhodes in the nearby mining town of Zhor.

Dogen and Dhyana are blocked by vehicles driven by nomads commanded by Baal, who sprays Dogen with the green liquid, paralyzing him. Dhyana drives them off and cares for Dogen, who in the dream world finds Syn and Baal looming over him. Syn fails to pull Dogen away from Dhyana: their will is too strong. Dogen awakes, but Dhyana is suddenly teleported away. A summoned monster appears in her place and fires electric bolts at him. Dhyana simultaneously faces Syn in his lair. Dogen shorts-out the creature, and it vanishes.

Dogen arrives in Zhor and finds Rhodes, a washed-up soldier, in a bar. Rhodes denies the lost city’s existence and refuses to get involved. Dogen leaves and comes upon a group of miners beating a captured nomad soldier. Dogen assists him, and the miners turn hostile. Dogen is out-gunned until Rhodes helps him defeat the miners.

Rhodes reluctantly agrees to help Dogen. Deep into Cyclopian territory, Dogen locates a large statue with a single eye and finds the crystal mask. Suddenly attacked by snake-like creatures, they escape, until they are accosted by a group of nomad warriors. Their leader, Hurok, grabs the mask from Dogen and accuses them of trespassing – a capital crime. Rhodes cites nomad law that a warrior can fight for his freedom, so Dogen duels Hurok. When Dogen spares his life, Hurok accepts Dogen as a friend and frees him.

Syn takes Dhyana before a massive crystal and forces her to touch it. Syn says the crystal is powered by captured souls, including that of her father. Dhyana, disgusted, says her warrior will come for her. Elsewhere, Dogen and Rhodes assault Baal’s encampment, and a chase ensues. After evading them, Dogen wears the mask and finds himself in the dream world with a burning tree. In his hand he finds an axe and hacks into the tree. The tree moans like the crystal in Syn’s camp and trickles a stream of blood. Dogen removes the mask and returns to Rhodes. Baal suddenly attacks, extending his robotic arm to spray Dogen, but Rhodes pushes him out of the way and is knocked out. Dogen, struggling with Baal, rips the robotic limb from his shoulder. Baal flees, and Dogen tracks the green fluid to Syn’s camp. He sees the nomads gathered around Syn, and Hurok greets him.

Syn denounces Dogen as an enemy, but Dogen says he has only come for Syn. Hurok refuses to kill Dogen and demands that he be allowed to speak. Dogen says Syn is a liar who wants to enslave them. When the crowd turns hostile to Syn, he activates the crystal, which stuns the crowd. Syn fires blasts at Dogen, but he deflects them with the mask. Baal grabs the mask and it shatters on the ground. Hurok kills Baal, and Syn teleports away. Dogen jumps onto a skybike and chases Syn into the desert, but Syn escapes through an energy portal.

Dogen returns to the nomad camp, finding Dhyana safe with Hurok. Dogen promises to fight Syn if he returns and destroys Syn’s soul crystal. Dogen and Dhyana leave the camp on foot but soon encounter Rhodes in Dogen’s truck. He picks them up and takes them into town.

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION Charles Band-known only for a series of low-budget B-movies had finally cracked the big time, pulling off the success of his career, and doing it on a shoestring METALSTORM is the kind of film that everyone involved with wants to talk about, because so many things had gone right. Unlike other recent 3-D productions, the disappointments and problems during production were minimal. And there was the hope-hinted at during filming, rather than openly stated that they had on their hands that Hollywood rarity: a complete unheralded hit.

Critical response and box-office returns failed to meet that early enthusiasm. By Hollywood standards, METALSTORM fizzled when released. But for producer director Charles Band, his labor of love had struck gold. In the beginning. Band was thinking of METALSTORM in terms no loftier than those of his low-budget 3-D predecessor, PARASITE. “We started with the idea of doing something not much larger than that,” explained the quiet, low-key Band. “But then we began to get excited about the story and got some other very creative people involved, and we decided to go for something much larger.” The final budget figure for METALSTORM was less than $3 million, which makes it a mega budget production after the likes of such other Band projects as LASERBLAST and END OF THE WORLD.

As their concept and aspirations for the film grew, so did its budget and crew, necessitating some sacrifices on the part of those working on the production. Explained screenwriter and co-producer Alan J. Adler: “Neither Charlie (Band) nor I have taken a salary on this movie. We are working for love and deferments.”

But working on the edge has its compensations, according to Adler. “Charlie and I bounce ideas constantly to get the best thing on film that we can,” he said. “If the majors financed this thing, a car full of guys in suits could drive up with some crazy idea, and we would have to do it.”

Free to do their own thing, Adler and Band have come up with a simple story of good vs. evil; cowboys-and-Indians in a galaxy far, far away. METALSTORM’s plot revolves around energy crystals, the source of all power in a barren desert land, which are being exploited by an evil magician to gain ultimate power. Screenwriter Alan Adler conceived the film as a western, with a lot of American Indian mythology.” Working with that metaphor, Jeff Byron fills in for Gary Cooper and Randolph Scott, coming to clean up the lawless town; Tim Thomerson is the old drunken lawman who sobers up to help the hero; Kelly Presto is the shopkeeper’s daughter, kidnapped by the guys in the black hats; Richard Moll is the wise old Indian chief, almost-but not quite duped into supporting the railroad baron who wants to take his people’s lands; and Michael Preston is the all-powerful, black-hearted villain.

“I read everything I could find in the library on the Western mythology before I sat down to write this,” Adler explained. “I just woke up at 3:30 in the morning one day, got into the bathtub and wrote nonstop until I finished the treatment.” Although the setting and time of METALSTORM is left ambiguous, Adler based many of his ideas on the Atlantis legend, a theme he hopes to develop more fully in the proposed sequel.

With METALSTORM, Adler also sought to challenge himself by writing a script with as little dialogue as possible. “The movies started out without any dialogue,” he explained. “Besides, 3-D is a dynamic visual medium, and dialogue seems to stop the action. But just because it doesn’t have much dialogue, it does not mean that there are no characters and ideas in the film. Like a western, everything is very terse; everything means something. Bookish, soft-spoken and unfailingly polite, Adler seems an unlikely candidate for author of films with titles like PARASITE. CONCRETE JUNGLE and METALSTORM. A film buff and genre aficionado since he was nine years old, Adler has been an avid collector of film memorabilia for 20 years, including a priceless collection of old film posters.

Adler learned his craft by writing and producing local television shows in his native North Carolina, where he also attended a graduate school in film. But his life was changed when he saw STAR WARS. “I saw that movie, packed my bags and left town for Los Angeles.”

Band and Adler have a cooperative relationship rare in filmmaking, especially for a writer. “I’m on the set every day,” said Adler. “He helps me re-write scenes, and I stand next to him and make suggestions, constantly, from sunrise to sunset. Directors who do not listen do not have the value of a writer who knows the story and how a character should be portrayed. Charlie is the director, but there is a tremendous amount of give and take.”

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PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY Principal photography of METALSTORM began in February, and stretched for seven weeks. Filming took place in the Simi Valley, as well as the Vasquez Rock formations outside of Los Angeles. Few interiors were utilized, though the company was driven indoors early in the shoot during two weeks of bad weather. To bring Adler’s mythic Western concepts-as well as plenty of action to the screen, Band assembled an ambitious, hardworking crew of relative unknowns and newcomers, who are trying to make major producers sit up and take notice of their talents.

Among them is cinematographer Mac Ahlberg whose deft work in PARASITE, his first 3-D film, was justly praised. “The reason this movie looks good is because we did not follow the rules,” said Ahlberg. “We had a 3-D consultant at the beginning of the movie, but we got rid of him because he was such a pain in the neck.

“There really are no rules to follow,” Ahlberg continued. “Like when you do a painting or write a book, if you keep to the rules, you get boring. But technicians get very upset when you break the rules. Like when color hit the movies. I spoke to someone who was shooting the first color film, and he had to follow so many rules that it was almost impossible for him to do anything on his own. Now with 3-D, you have all these ‘rules’ and everyone is very scared. I think some 3-D films have failed because people have been so tied to rules.”

Some of the standard” 3-Drules call for long cuts, static cameras and avoidance of high-contrast scenes. Band and Ahlberg ignored them all. “I don’t listen to all those 3-D experts, of which there are lots,” Ahlberg said. “We did some high contrast scenes, and they were some of the best in the movie. Also we tried all the time to let the camera move.” A long Steadicam shot moving through the tent city is a good example of Ahlberg’s innovative 3-D cinematography.

“It’s never been done before.” explained special effects coordinator Frank Isaacs. “They were able to hold convergence on Dogen as he walked through a crowd. It’s as if you were walking behind him. You see the exact proper perspective. It’s a long shot, and you just sit back and enjoy the 3-D.

“Ahlberg knows how to dolly in and out of the scene, keep something on convergence and make it look real, as opposed to what everybody else does: anchor the camera down and let the action come at you,” Isaacs continued. “What he has done is to follow the action and let the foreground and background go their proper paths.”

Another 3-D tenet went by the wayside in their filming of a lightning-quick gunfight in the streets of the tent city, with seven or eight brisk close-ups of faces, guns and lasers blasting into bodies. “Everybody said you must have very long takes, don’t cut too much, cuts are difficult to do, and so on,” said Ahlberg with some impatience. “We found that lots of cuts are very exciting, and the camera should move a lot when people walk.”

Though Mac Ahlberg may not have kind words for 3-D consultants, Chris Condon has a few for Ahlberg. Condon designed the StereoVision lenses used by Ahlberg for PARASITE and METALSTORM, and gave Ahlberg his instructions on the use of the equipment. “There are so few errors in METALSTORM, and those that do exist are very tiny, said Condon, who has often been less than kind to films he and his lenses have been associated with. “Ahlberg really understands 3-D.”

The use of 3-D required extreme precision in shooting the live action. The use of multiple cameras for some shots necessitated extra care in the composition of scenes and the calibration of convergence in each camera. If a scene was planned to cut from a medium master shot to a tight close-up, the convergence of each shot had to be as complementary as possible to spare audiences a wrenching shift in focus, and painful headaches. This forced Ahlberg to be extremely aware of how a sequence might be edited while he was shooting it.

“You have to compose the picture so the audience looks at the thing they should look at,” said Ahlberg. “Because if they look at the wrong things, they definitely get eye pain. If you have converged on a face in the foreground and you have a telephone pole in the back, you have two telephone poles. You actually have this in real life, but you never think of it. You make the audience look at the things you want and not at the distracting things, such as the background.

“We tried to have a continuity of convergence and not strain the eyes of the audience,” Ahlberg added. “That’s one of the things I discovered when we made PARASITE, that you have to keep convergence under control. You can’t converge each shot individually; you have to have a kind of convergence sequence. Every shot’s convergence has to be done considering what it is coming from and what’s going to happen next.

Otherwise, a cut really is not a cut.” Ahlberg continued. “It’s a kind of dissolve, because it takes a second or so for the audience’s eyes to adjust to the new convergence.” Ahlberg believes that the best 3D work pays attention to the depth in a scene. “When you compose a flat picture,” he explained in his Scandinavian-accented English, “you do it so you can get some depth in it, using perspective in the foreground and background. If you compose an image like that and shoot it in 3-D, you get good 3-D. If you don’t make a composition which has depth in itself, if you think 3-D is going to supply the automatic depth for you, then many times you fail.”

Another characteristic of Ahlberg’s 3-D work is the avoidance of too many gimmicks. “In METALSTORM. (Ahlberg) has had the good sense not to abuse the 3-D.” said Isaacs. “He just throws in an occasional gag every once in a while, which works very well. It’s fun, but it’s not to be abused, and that’s what every other film has done so far.”

Despite his success with the process, and the near-unanimous acclaim for his work, Ahlberg is no fan of 3-D. “Really, I hope that I never will have to work on a 3-D movie again,” he said. “I find it so boring, so uninteresting.

“When I see actors in 3-D. I always have the feeling that you are looking through a glass window at them, like they are in a show window. In a flat movie, the actors are very present they seem to be right there. Why? Because in 3-D you have the glasses, the double images, all these things that take the actor far away.

“If I have two alternatives, to make a 3-D movie or not, I will always pick not to make one. I have one exception I like to work with Charles Band. I said when I made PARASITE that I would never make another 3-D movie, and still I’m doing them.”

BEHIND THE SCENES/INTERVIEWS

Actor Jeffrey (Dogen) Byron Remembers Metalstorm

You have been in several Empire films. . Jeffrey Byron: Yes. I met Charles Band when I auditioned for METALSTORM. I had never met him before that. I felt confident about getting the role and after I read for him and the casting director, I guess he agreed. I was hired the same day. They apparently stopped seeing actors after meeting me. Once I started work on the film I had a good rapport with Charlie, and soon after (during the filming of METALSTORM) he offered me the role in THE DUNGEONMASTER.

Which Band production was the most memorable for you? Jeffrey Byron: My favorite was METALSTORM. It was tons of fun to make, and when we were filming it, there was a special camaraderie with the cast and crew. We knew it was a low budget exploitation film but we also knew that it had a chance to be memorable. In the end it has turned out to be quite the cult classic. I enjoyed working with everyone. Tim Thomerson my sidekick and I had fun working together. I am sure there are lots of great (and funny) outtakes in the vaults.

We’re trying to imagine the casting process for THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED SYN… Jeffrey Byron: As I said, I was one of the first actors they saw for the part and once they met me they cast me. After they hired me, I read with many actresses for the part that Kelly Preston played including Demi Moore. She was the favorite and would have been hired but she was doing another project and wasn’t available.

METALSTORM was shot in 3D. Did this pose any challenges for you as an actor? Jeffrey Byron: Not really, other than it being a slow process. Lighting a scene for 3D, at least in that era, was time consuming…

Did you have to endure any grueling make-up or perform any of your own stunts? Jeffrey Byron: Makeup was easy. There were a lot of grueling fight scenes which were fun, but tough. And I loved my costume!

What was Band like as a director? Jeffrey Byron: Charlie was fun to work with. His real gift was the promotion part. He knew how to market a film. He was brilliant at that. He didn’t give me any direction, really. He pretty much left it up to me.

Going head-to-head with Richard Moll must have been intimidating..or is he just a big softy? Jeffrey Byron: Richard was a quiet, introspective guy.. .Nice, and easy to work with, but didn’t say a lot.

POST PRODUCTION/VISUAL EFFECTS METALSTORM’s innovative visual effects benefit from the collaborative efforts of 3-D whiz John Rupkalvis, inventor of StereoScope, working with visual effects supervisor Frank Isaacs and assistant Tom Calabrese. One of the most experienced technicians in the field, Rupkalvis served as both 3-D consultant and visual effects supervisor.

While the film’s live-action scenes were shot with Chris Condon’s StereoVision lenses, special effects photography used Rupkalvis’ StereoScope 3-D system, which works with, instead of replacing the prime lens of a regular 35mmcamera. To photograph miniatures in 3-D, it’s necessary to reduce the “interaxial distance” between the lenses from the standard 2.5 inches to as little as a quarter of an inch or smaller to create the illusion of scale. Since the range of interaxial distances on most single camera set-ups is somewhat limited, twin-camera rigs were employed on both SPACEHUNTER and JAWS 3-D.

But StereoScope offers the advantages of variable interaxial with the relative convenience of a single camera, presenting the regular lens of the Mitchell camera with an image already in the proper over-and-under format. Advantages of the single-camera system for effects work include less light loss than a beamsplitter and savings in the cost of film stock and lab work.

The effects requirements for METALSTORM ranged from simple rotoscope animation to complex blue-screen composites combining as many as five elements in a single shot. While 3-D effects were also featured in JAWS 3-D and SPACEHUNTER, the work of Rupkalvis, Isaacs and Calabrese (collectively working under the banner “Fantasy Creations”) was completed independently, and the trio were forced to experiment on their own to solve some of the vexing problems faced by those working with 3-D special effects.

“Hardly a day went by,” Rupkalvis said, “when we didn’t do something and suddenly realize that what we had done had never been accomplished before.

“There may be a model of the skycycles flying through the air, going through a background shot of a canyon, and at the same time it might include a live action shot of a real actor in a vehicle below, shooting rotoscoped lasers,” Rupkalvis added. “What’s really mind-boggling is that it’s all being done in 3-D, and every point, all the way through, matches.”

What makes 3-D effects so difficult, according to Rupkalvis, is the precise positioning required of the different elements within the frame at any one moment. While effects technicians for flat films speak in terms of background plate and foreground model, backgrounds” for 3-D effects are often both dimensionally closer to the screen and further back than the subject of the shot.

To insure that the models were always in the correct location in space, Isaacs and Rupkalvis would take precise measurements of the model at each frame of a particular shot. “We measured things with micro measuring equipment, with divisions as small as 4 millionths of an inch,” said Rupkalvis. “We took the 3-D down a 20-foot track, dividing each frame into increments. In some cases, when a model was on an angle, we had to take different measurements on the nose and tail, because we didn’t want the tail to appear to skim a rock that the nose clears.”

Their care pays off in an atmospheric night shot, where, surrounded by a crowd holding flaming torches, Dogen jumps on a skycycle to give chase to the fleeing Jared-Syn. The scene shifts to a long shot where a one-sixth-scale model of the cycle, matted into the live action, rises up and flies gradually out of the scene, staying in correct size, perspective and depth throughout the shot. The effects team even put the flickering light of the torches on the model, holding cutouts in front of the lights and moving them precisely for each frame of the cut.

METALSTORM’s climactic scenes feature a breathtaking chase on the skycycles through narrow canyons. To put the cycles in their proper places within the scenes, they and the background footage not only had to match in terms of size and perspective, but with convergence as well.

The convergence point determines the position in space of the entire scene; that is, which elements within a shot will appear to be off the screen, at the screen, or seemingly behind the screen. When the right and left-eye images are precisely overlapped, they will appear to be at the screen. The more the two images are “offset,” the more they will appear to be in front of or behind the screen.

A typical shot might involve a model skycycle flying towards a distant mountain. If the background element is improperly converged, it could appear to be much closer to the screen than originally intended. Instead of the skycycle appearing to be miles away from the mountain, it would appear to be flying straight into the side of a cliff.

The problem was compounded by the fact that the model shots were largely done before filming the backgrounds, because of scheduling problems. So, instead of flying the cycles through pre-filmed background scenery, the effects crew had to search through thousands of feet of footage to find cuts that would match the movement of the cycles.

“Since a lot of our shots were from ‘God’s point of view’ above the two models, you could get away with separate movement from the background,” said Isaacs. “It kind of makes it look more interesting. If you are going around a cliff and there is enough space to fit the model in, it doesn’t matter if he’s moving off axis.”

Much of the excitement of the final chase belongs to the dramatic point-of-view shots flying through the canyon. Much of the credit for those, according to the effects crew, belonged to pilot Vance Colvik. “I’ve never seen anyone do the things he did,” said Isaacs. “There’s one shot as the ground is coming up from 100 or 500 feet away. He was spinning and turning so you didn’t know which way was up.”

Al the climax of the chase, JaredSyn uses his evil powers for an escape to another dimension through a tunnel of energy. To create the effect, the effects team builta long, tapering triangular tube of plexiglass and hung it from monofilament wire. They mounted lights on the motion control system and closed off all but a narrow line of illumination.

“In complete darkness, with the camera positioned at the mouth of the tube, we raked the lights down the tube toward the camera,” said Isaacs. “We would shoot one pass, back the film up, shoot another, back it up, shoot another, up to 30 passes on one piece of film. We used multiple colors-reds, greens, blues-by taping colored gels over the slit of light. Sometimes we did more than one color on a single pass. It looks like pulses of light or energy coming at you down the tube. Since it’s made of plastic, everything reflects off the sides, so you get multiple triangles.”

Much of the effects work on METALSTORM involved shots that required rotoscope animation, including lasers, glowing energy crystals, the hyper-space tunnel featured in the climax, and assorted other effects. While rotoscope animation effects appear relatively simple, they’re very time consuming. Ultimately, three different animation crews were brought in at the final stages of postproduction.

An in-house team, Jan Carlberg and Tony Alderson, worked on the glowing energy crystals, the teleportation effect when Dhyana is whisked away to Jared-Syn’s headquarters, and selected laser beams, as well as coordinating the work that had to be farmed out. A second team, headed by SPACEHUNTER veteran Ernie Farino, was contracted to provide additional laser effects and other elements. Finally, a crew at Millenium Studios, the effects facility of New World Pictures, supplied optical enhancement for the sequence involving the “Chimera,” the energy beast that attacks Dogen.

3-D rotoscoping involves making two drawings for each frameone for each eye-drawn precisely to match the two slightly different views of the scene in which the artwork will be matted in. The primary challenge is to fool the audience into thinking that the flat artwork has the same degree of depth as the live action elements in the scene.

“If it’s drawn wrong (with the wrong convergence) in 3-D, even though it looks right on the flat picture, it could go to the wrong place or even come out backwards,” Rupkalvis explained. “The artist has to find the proper displacement in the actual scene where the drawing will be used. The difference between right eye and left eye drawings might not be that much, but you still have to match the scene.

“For each new frame, the drawings have to move a little bit,” Rupkalvis added. It may seem simple, just drawing point to point, but you have to be very careful with the positioning in space. If you have many elements, you don’t want the lasers to hit something in between. Every element that’s added has to relate exactly to every element that’s in the original photography.”

The rush to the theaters also affected the completion of the film’s optical effects. While bluescreen elements had been shot back in March and April, background plates weren’t shot until early June. Frank Isaacs spent three days screening thousands of feet of aerial footage before turning everything over to compositor Greg Van Der Veer, the son of renowned optical expert Frank Van Der Veer.

“Van Der Veer only had four weeks to composite everything,” Isaacs explained. “That included all the blue-screen shots, the lasers, everything. When you realize that it sometimes can take weeks to composite just one or two shots, you can see the kind of job he did for us. He locked himself away in a little room with an optical printer for four straight weeks and saved us!”

MAKE UP AND PHYSICAL SPECIAL EFFECTS Much of what the audience sees in METALSTORM from scars to scarves, from sidearms to Ball’s bionic arm-are the creations of Makeup Effects Labs, a partnership of three relative newcomers, Alan Apone, Frank Carrisosa and Doug White, who have been practicing their craft since their early teens. In fact, two of the partners, White and Apone, have known each other since their days at Culver City Junior High School in the Los Angeles area.

Back in those days, White was fascinated with drawing and building models and mechanical devices, while Apone had ambitions to be an actor. After they met, they haunted the local movie theaters together, sometimes seeing as many as four films in a single day.

They moved on together to Los Angeles City College, where they majored in drama and art. White did make up for the theater arts department, while reading voluminously to learn different techniques on his own. Apone turned from acting and began to concentrate on art direction and set design.

After school (and some excursions into other fields of employment), both White and Apone took positions with makeup artist Tom Burman, building articulated dummies for PROPHECY. In this highly creative setting, they had the opportunity to learn a vast range of techniques and tools of professional special effects makeup. They also met Frank Carrisosa, who would become the third partner in MEL.

In 1979 they decided to weld their varied talents together to start their own studio. Beginning in a modest 1,000-square-foot facility, their first film contract was EVILSPEAK, for which they created special makeup prosthetics and special effects.

Now housed comfortably in a, large industrial space in the San Fernando Valley, the three mesh their talents on a busy schedule of projects, working with a cadre of freelancers to offer a wide array of effects, costumes, props, models, masks and special make ups. Each of the three plays a different role in the team. “When we are working together,” Apone explained, “Doug : does a lot of the designing, I handle most of the business, and Frank I will head the shop as far as the techniques used and how we will rig things.”

For the versatile trio, METALSTORM was a field day, a chance to strut their stuff and exhibit every facet of their talents. Like many others involved in the film, their work was largely done for love, and a chance to show what they could do.

“We’d like to be a one-stop house for a producer,” said Alan Apone. “We want to give the producer everything he wants for the money he wants to spend. Obviously, you can’t do STAR WARS for $10,000. But we’d like to give producers the best they can get for $10,000.”

Some of MEL’s most unusual work involved the facial makeup appliances for the Cyclopeans, a race which is supposedly mutating and losing their features on one side of their face. “We started with a book on human deformities,” said White, but found that the actual way a human would look without an eye was too lifeless. So, we had to sculpt in more character, taking the liberty of adding wrinkles and other features. You have to overdo it even more for 3-D, which needs more light, and that tends to flatten out features. For Dogen’s tan, we had to make it much darker than usual for the same reason.”

MEL also had to abandon an ambitious plan to make sclera contact lenses which would give the Cyclopeans a double-iris effect. “I was going to melt two lenses together to show that their eyes were growing together,” White said. “I was going to do a chrome eye for the machine side of Baal’s face. All the scleral contacts got junked, however, because the actors can only wear them for a half an hour at a time. The eye gets starved for oxygen if you wear them too long, and we just didn’t have time on the production to work around that.”

The creation of Baal, Jared Syn’s bionic boy, was the most demanding undertaking for the makeup effects team, involving appliances and props which took five hours each day to apply. There were seven appliances for the face and skull alone, including one which looks like a surgically-implanted metal skull with staples all around the head to hold it in place.

“It’s all latex foam painted in silver pigments,” White explained. “Latex foam can be made up to be either very flexible or very dense, although it never really becomes hard. You use the flexible foam for the facial appliances, so the expressions of the actor will come through.”

Played by R. David Smith, an accomplished mime who was born without his left arm, the Baal character also has a pneumatically-operated mechanical arm, which shoots a green hallucinatory liquid just before he uses the death crystals. The arm featured three telescoping tubular sections and claws that folded out to grasp objects. Each section was pushed out by air pressure through small tubes attached to a compressor.

In reality, three arms were built: one that actually extended, one that was rigged to be torn off, and one which shot the glowing green liquid. “We shot it from every angle possible,” said White. “We did dolly shots as it flipped out in motion. We telescoped it toward the camera, and we fired the liquid into the camera.”

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The makeup crew originally tried to use Chemlite, the green glow found in “night sticks,” for the liquid in Baal’s arm, but its rumored toxicity forced an alternative. “They were going to use it in POLTERGEIST for the veins in the corridor monster,” said White, “but the story I heard was that the guy didn’t want the chemical near him, since he couldn’t be sure what his next child would be like.” Instead, White used ordinary fluorescent paint, which proved to be a suitable alternative.

Pneumatics were used again for one ambitious effect that never made it past the editing room: a shot in which Baal “mummifies” Dyana’s father as he steals his life force. Small tubes were attached at different points inside a life-like foam mask of the actor’s face. As the life force was drained, the bladders were deflated one by one by Frank Carrisosa, who operated valves leading to an air compressor. The resulting effect makes the face seem to shrivel and dry up. The effect was designed to avoid the use of expensive postproduction opticals, a must on the film’s tight budget.

While the “mummification” didn’t make the final print, MEL’s glowing “energy beast” did. Dubbed the “Chimera,” the electrically charged beast is sent by Jared-Syn to kill Dogen. While the sequence was enhanced in postproduction by a team from Millenium (Roger Corman’s in-house effects studio). it was designed as a simple in-camera effect. An MEL Cew sculpted a full body suit and cast it in rigid latex foam. The suit was then covered with Scotchlite paints, which act on the same principle as highway road signs and front-projection screens: while they look dull gray in ordinary light, they shine with a brilliant glow when light is aimed directly at it, in line with the camera lens. To complete the effect, the light was pulsated with a rheostat. “The idea was to come up with something you could do optically in camera, instead of doing rotoscope animation, White said.

The Chimera short circuits itself by stepping in a puddle of molten metal, which Dogen has blasted out of a wall of rock. Winston Jones, the actor inside the costume, slowly folded up his body, and the details of the costume were lost in the Scotchlite glow. The actor was then pulled from the scene, and a shot was taken of the background. A piece of animation of the beast shrinking into the earth was then rotoscoped onto it.

In addition to creating creatures and prosthetic makeup. MEL also provided designs for many of the film’s sets, props and the rugged, desert-scoured costumes, which were made by Kathie Clark, from concepts by White and H. R. Girard, an MEL illustrator.

The Cylcopeans’ costumes look like heavy leather carved in the shape of an exoskeleton. In reality, they were made from rigid latex foam that was sculpted, molded and painted. The use of latex had an unexpected benefit according to Doug White. “In the dailies, it even sounds like leather, like someone wearing chaps,” he explained. “When the actors moved or brushed up against each other, it creaked.”

The Nomads are outfitted in heavy, concealing robes, topped by menacing masks with energy crystals in their foreheads. Originally numbering only 15, their numbers grew to more than 10 (dubbed newmads’ on the set) for certain crowd scenes. As some scenes got bigger and bigger, eventually even a few ‘crew-mads’ were required. For one shot, even co-producer and screenwriter Alan Adler was suited-up. In low-budget films, everyone gets into the act.

SOUNDTRACK/SCORE For composer Richard Band (the director’s younger brother, by two years), the frantic rush to complete the film meant there was less than a month available to write more than an hour of original music. “In fact,” said Band, “I got the final reel a day and a half before my recording session!”

But Richard Band wasn’t really complaining-it was his brother, after all, who launched his musical career in 1977 with LASERBLAST. And although Band has worked for a number of other producers in the six years since (see 13:5:14), half of his assignments still come from big brother Charlie.

“Since we’ve worked on several films together, Charles trusts me to do whatever I want to do,” Band told writer Randall Larson. “He puts the music in my hands completely. On METALSTORM, he never even heard the main theme unul the recording session.

“Working with your family puts different types of pressures on you,” Band added. “I can exert a type of clout. But I can’t play some of the games I do with other directors when I’m working with family, just because it’s family.”

If Band’s deadline was tight, the musical opportunities were vast. METALSTORM was Band’s first “big” score, integrating a vast array of electronics with a 70-piece symphony orchestra (nearly twice the size of any orchestra he had previously worked with).

The result was thematically simple, yet complexly textured. Band worked with Producers Music Organization and programmer Gary Chang for the electronic portions of the score-performed by four keyboard players using more than a dozen different synthesizers, which was recorded live with the orchestra at the Burbank Studios recording stage.

RELEASE/DISTRIBUTION After principal photography ended in late April, editor Brad Arensman began to assemble the footage. One of his first chores, however, was to complete an 18-minute 3-D demo reel for use at the Cannes Film Festival, where the world’s film buyers gather each year. Both Charles Band and actor Jeffrey Byron made the rounds in late May, and both were elated by the reception the film received. Band returned to Los Angeles to screen the demo reel- which included several completed effects composites-for several domestic distributors. Universal, about to launch JAWS 3-D at more than a thousand theaters, took a strong interest. Reportedly, Universal executives were worried about the financial prospects of JAWS 3-D, and looked at METALSTORM as an inexpensive follow-up to run in those theaters that had already altered their projection equipment to run JAWS 3-D. Unlike the case with most pick-ups, where months may pass between an initial screening and a final deal, Universal agreed to distribute the film in a matter of days.

“When you show a product reel like the one we did, distributors always ask to see the rest of the footage,” explained screenwriter and co-producer Alan Adler. “When we showed it to Universal, they said it was a pleasure to see that the rest of the movie was as good as the product reel. Some people there said they liked the additional footage more. It was a real validating experience.”

There was only one catch. In order to release the film three weeks after the opening of JAWS 3-D, Universal needed a completed print no later than July 27. That gave Band and his postproduction crew less than two months to shoot some badly needed pick-up shots, finish the opticals and to cut, loop, score and mix the film.

Even as Band was completing the score and Van Der Veer the opticals, the marketing department of Universal Pictures was gearing up for the film’s August release. In addition to the standard barrage of print, television and radio campaigns, Universal attached a 3-D trailer to every print of JAWS 3-D, the first new trailer to be shown in 3-D in a generation.

CONCLUSION In the weeks before the film’s release, hopes from Band and his crew were running high that METALSTORM would transcend its humble origins and take on the proportions of a major hit. Alan Adler began work on the script for METALSTORM II, with plans for a trilogy. “We’d already started talking about certain monsters and landscapes,” Adler said. “It was to be one of the most all-encompassing pursuits of all time. Not only would Dogen pursue Jared-Syn through time, but through other dimensions as well.”

There was even talk about merchandise tie-ins. “If Band handles the marketing right,” Frank Isaacs said, “every kid is going to have a little Baal doll. I can see the kids at dinner, squeezing his stomach, sticking out a little arm that will shoot out green water.”

But visions of a sequel-or of millions of Baal dolls pushing E.T. off the shelves-were a bit overenthusiastic. Although it grossed more than $2 million in its opening weekend at 550 theaters, the film was pounded by most of the nation’s critics (except for the two Los Angeles dailies, which gave the film mixed reviews), and grosses dropped off quickly.

We made some mistakes,” admitted Band, already at work on a number of upcoming projects, including the revival of David Allen’s long-dormant THE PRIMEVALS. “But it’s only my second film as a director, so it was a great step as far as practicing my craft. It taught me a lot as far as what not to do next time.

Although hardly a blockbuster, METALSTORM will return a profit to its investors-and to the crew members who worked for little or no money to see that the film got made. Such profits should allow Band the luxury of slightly higher budgets the next time around, and perhaps even a more relaxed pace in which to work.

“The scenes in METALSTORM that looked the best were the ones I took the most time with,” Band said. “With $2.5 million, you can only shoot so many weeks, so you can’t give the time and attention that every scene needs. I took five or six moments in the film-the dream sequences, the scene where Baal gets his arm ripped off, and a few others-and spent a lot of time on them; too much time, in fact, in terms of our overall budget.

CAST/CREW Directed Charles Band

Produced Charles Band Albert Band Alan J. Adler

Written Alan J. Adler

Jeffrey Byron: Dogen Michael Preston: Jared-Syn Tim Thomerson: Rhodes Kelly Preston: Dhyana Richard Moll: Hurok R. David Smith: Baal Larry Pennel: Aix Marty Zagon: Zax Mickey Fox: Poker Annie

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Cinefantastique v13n06-v14n01 Delirium#03 Fangoria#30 Fangoria#28

Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983) Retrospective SUMMARY A "skybike", a one-man, open-cockpit flying machine, attacks Dogen. Dogen shoots it down and finds one of Syn's crystals on the pilot's body.

[pharaohsparklefists]

Darkside of Dimensions Review

Since I’ve seen it twice now and gotten a few asks, I figured I’d share my thoughts on the new Yu-Gi-Oh! movie with ye.

Spoiler-free summary: I really enjoyed this movie, especially Kaiba’s and Yugi’s characterisation, but the duels dragged. The antagonist was an interesting person but an uninteresting duelist so the big duels against him were repetitive and lacking flair. The animation was mostly gorgeous but did suffer from “eh that character is in the background in this shot, it’s fine if they’re just a misshapen blob” syndrome. The plot made as much sense as YGO ever does: it’s supposed to be in manga canon but there are still inconsistencies and the plot could have used more structure. It’s definitely only welcoming to people who already like YGO, I can’t imagine getting much out of it if you’re not a YGO fan! But if you are, it’s excellent fun!

Now for details!

So the plot, if you haven’t seen it but are interested, is as follows: Kaiba is so upset that the Pharaoh / Atem / Other Yugi is gone that he’s trying everything to bring him back, including creating a near-flawless holographic replica to duel, excavating the pit the Millennium Items fell into to find the Puzzle, and, for some reason, building a space station that is reached by SPACE ELEVATOR which is literally the most ridiculous thing he’s ever done and this is Seto fuckin Kaiba we’re talking about here. However, a group of magical teleporting children have been granted the power to reshape the world into a peaceful Utopia, via a magic cube. This power will be lost if the Pharaoh should happen to be resurrected by any grief-stricken, obsessive teenage billionaires, so they’re keeping a close watch. Meanwhile, their leader, Diva, wants to take revenge on Ryou Bakura because he blames Ryou for the death of their mentor, who turns out to have been Shaadi, of all people. Calling himself Aigami, he inserts himself into Domino High, but has to take time away from his plot to confront Kaiba, who has found the Millennium Puzzle, in pieces. Diva/Aigami fails to prevent him from taking the Puzzle, but does manage to steal back two pieces, one of which he entrusts to his younger sister who immediately gives it to Yugi. Kaiba challenges both Diva and Yugi to a DUEL MONSTERS DUEL SHOWCASE TOURNAMENT, ostensibly to launch his BRAND NEW DUEL DISK SYSTEM but actually to get the pieces of the Puzzle back so he can resurrect the Pharaoh. Yugi tries to explain that the Pharaoh has moved on but Kaiba point-blank refuses to listen. Meanwhile, Diva has evaporated Ryou with his magic cube. Yugi duels Diva and wins, rescuing Ryou from ... wherever it was that he went, and banishing Diva to some kind of sand dimension. Then Kaiba and Yugi duel, but at the last moment, their duel is interrupted and they have to team up to take down ... Diva again, but like, now he’s a lizard and possibly Yami Bakura is possessing him?? Kaiba sacrifices himself for Yugi to have a chance to continue the duel, but Yugi is at the point of passing out, when Atem launches himself back into reality to help Yugi draw and play his last card, winning the duel. Atem and Yugi silently say goodbye one more time, then Atem leaves. Yugi et al graduate from high school, while a delighted Kaiba takes Diva’s magic cube and uses it to visit Atem in whatever dimension Atem exists in now, thereby proving wrong everyone who tried to tell Kaiba to maybe have some chill.

The more I think about the plot, the less sense it makes. It suffers from a typical Late Addition To A Series problem, in that, the if this shit is so important, why didn’t it ever come up during the series? If Shaadi was so invested in his cult of adorable children, why didn’t he ever visit them as a ghost or mention them to the Pharaoh? If the Pharaoh’s existence is so tied to this all-powerful world-altering magic, why didn’t he know about it? If Ishizu and Marik held the secrets of the ancient tablet, why didn’t they mention that shortly after the fated duel between Atem and Yugi, some earnest orphans would be teleporting around to literally destroy everything and remake the world into a Utopia? The Shaadi part especially doesn’t seem to make sense. Especially because the Eye is already missing. 

But anyway. The real story is Kaiba’s obsessive need to duel the Pharaoh one more time, and I really enjoyed how his character was handled. I was worried that this angry, upset Kaiba would have walked back his character growth, but he hasn’t. He’s newly angry and upset, and he’s being a dick, but it’s definitely a post-Battle-City Kaiba on screen, one who’s learned from his relationship with Atem. Despite how raw and angry he is, he listens to Yugi, treats Yugi with respect, and is not only willing to cooperate against a dangerous foe, he’s actually the one who suggests it! 

He’s pretty obviously experiencing grief and not really knowing how to deal with it, since he never explicitly named what Atem was to him; he can only admit that Atem was a rival, so he’s channelled all his energy into the idea that if he could just duel him one more time, he could feel better. But his language is all over the place. He’s obviously angry at Atem for leaving: having repeatedly said that Atem was his worthy rival, he now spits at the hologram!Atem that he was never worthy. Sure Kaiba, he’s so unworthy of you that you spend every waking minute and an unimaginable amount of money trying to see him again. He tells himself he bears painful scars of defeat, but then says that if he could duel him one more time, the pain could be made easier to bear. Surely if the pain is just from losing, then winning would erase the pain? But if the pain is from losing someone you care about, then getting to say goodbye wouldn’t erase the pain, it would just make it easier to bear. When he speaks to Yugi, he identifies them as feeling the same way: he tries to get Yugi to admit “you want to see him too”. As the movie goes on, it becomes more and more obvious that this is about more than a duel, this is about Kaiba feeling loss and grief and needing closure. His feelings and Yugi’s feelings are compared repeatedly. Yugi said goodbye and got closure, he misses Atem “all the time”, but he’s able to move on, he talks about his hopes for the future with his friends. Kaiba didn’t, and isn’t, he has abandoned all his trademark talk of the future and replaced it with grandstanding about how he, Seto Kaiba, can do ANYTHING, because that’s what he needs to believe. He needs to believe he can do the impossible because he needs to do it to see Atem again.

Aside from the fact that he risks everything at the end of the movie to transcend dimensions and the veil of death itself to go and see Atem, he also willingly lays down his life in the final duel, and when Yugi asks why, he says “For him. The Pharaoh.” I mean T______T holy gay subtext, Batman

Also apparently he spent a long time recreating Atem’s “perfectly coiffed hair”, which, let me tell you, Atem’s hair is many things, but you definitely have to be madly in love with him to describe it in flattering terms.

But you know, the thing that made me really hopeful for Kaiba was that, near the end, after Atem had said goodbye to Yugi and left after his brief visit, Kaiba came up and I expected him to freak out: he spent the WHOLE MOVIE trying to see Atem and here Atem had visited but not stuck around to say hi to Kaiba or give him the duel he so vociferously claims he needs, and I thought Kaiba would be furious ... but instead, after a whole movie of snapping and bragging and firing people and being ruthlessly sarcastic, he was finally cheerful. He was smiling. He said “I told you so” but really happily. He wished Yugi and his friends well! The confirmation that Atem was out there somewhere, waiting for Kaiba to find him, was all Kaiba needed to cheer up.

And when Kaiba did show up in Atem’s throne room, Atem’s smile was so warm and sweet! I wonder how much he knew of what was going on - enough to know he needed to show up, obviously. He’s obviously very fond of Kaiba, I’d love to see more of how he felt about leaving without getting to say goodbye. Judging by how pleased he was that Kaiba showed up, he must have been sad. But probably coped better with it. Still, it’s hard to rag on Kaiba’s outrageously unhealthy coping mechanisms when he actually fucking did the thing and somehow wrestled a happy ending for himself from the universe out of sheer stubbornness.

Incidentally, I think the dimension-hopping pod and suit and all was all just for show. It seems the cube works based on willpower - I think Kaiba just needed the tech in place to make himself feel better about using magic. Like, now there’s a spaceship involved it’s clearly Science and not magic. But actually it would have worked just as well if he’d just willed it.

Really, my only major problem with this movie is that the duels against Diva were AWFUL. Especially because Kaiba seems to have given up on everything except dragons in his deck. hologram!Yami vs Kaiba was good fun, and so was Yugi vs Kaiba, but Kaiba vs Diva was hell.

Kaiba: SAY HELLO TO MY BLUE EYES MAXIMUM AWESOME DRAGON

Diva: I SUMMON VJAM, AND THEN ANOTHER VJAM, AND THEN THEY COMBINE INTO GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY KING GLORBINFLORBIN AND THEN UN-COMBINE (that’s a word) BACK INTO THREE VJAMS

Kaiba: yeah well, I SUMMON  BLUER EYES EVEN MORE DRAGON, PLUS TWO B-LIST DRAGONS

Diva: MY VJAMS COMBINE INTO EYELORD CUBEMEISTER THE FOURTH THEN ATTACK 27 TIMES THEN I SUMMON ANOTHER VJAM AND THEN ANOTHER VJAM AND THEN THEY ALL ATTACK AND THEN I PLAY THREE MORE CARDS AND END WITH THREE VJAMS ON THE FIELD LIKE ALWAYS NO I’M NOT CHEATING

Kaiba: COME FORTH BLUEST EYES YETANOTHER DRAGON!!!1!

me: kill me

But aside from that and the travesty of a wasted opportunity to combine two hot anime men (srsly who looks at Diva and Yami Bakura and decides that a mixture of them should be a lizard in a cheap wig?), it was an extremely enjoyable movie. I can’t wait to get a DVD so I can recap it! I’m not sure if I want to recap as soon as I get it, or wait til I reach a natural break-point... I guess I’ll see where I am when the DVD is released!

[jelanisaeed]

Chapter 1: VS Venonat - Legends Part 1

Pokémon Adventures: Turquoise, Jasper, & Ammolite

Chapter 1: VS Venonat – Legends Part 1

Location: Twinleaf Town Date: August 4th, 3000 Time: 8:45am

Legends. Tales of mystery and wonder. In ancient times, people created these tales to explain the world about them. From the creation of the universe down to the birth emotions. There was a tale for it all. And they were recorded for all to read. The people of Sinnoh took great pleasure in their mythos. Many even claimed legends began in Sinnoh!

The region of legends. No better title than that, one trainer decided. A sentiment he’s heard from many his age. Many loved Sinnoh for its history. The rich culture matched only by Johto but surpassed by Alola. But never tell a Sinnohian that.

No, they refused to accept that defeat.

This trainer knew the legends well. The tales of mountains that scarped the heavens and punched holes to the other side. Of the great lakes brimmed with human essence. Of times where humans and pokémon dined together as equals and forged bonds of everlasting friendship and love. Of titans of grand power who sculpted the world from raw strength. Or the renegade man who was finally conquered by an extraordinary presence.

Everyone oughta know ‘em, he scoffed, folding his arms behind his head. He took to this quiet trail with ease, eying the wild pokémon who scampered by him. No challengers, he sighed. A quick battle wouldn’t hurt, but he had a mission. Afterwards, he could train to his heart’s content.

Training in Sinnoh became part of the legend itself. Although, there was no legendary town like Kanto’s Pallet Town. That very town spawned the genius, Professor Oak and the first three Pokédex Holders! There was no competition. But Sinnoh had legends for each of its towns and cities.

Many of which he learned in school. The trainer sighed with a smile. Those were the days. He tapped a heal ball on his belt, releasing his partner in a burst of light and small. A small, green and pink creature with leafy scythes for hands. The creature thrilled, soaking in the sunlight before settling into a yawn.

“C’mon, Kiri—we’re almost there,” he proclaimed with a smile.

Back home, the elders talked a lot about these legends. Taught him and others at young for the lessons to blossom into paths of greatness. Legends in the making, his teacher called his class, especially when their eyes shined with wholesome hope and pleasure. Or when their adrenaline pumped through their veins. Words of encouragement never fail to sprout from their lips in times of dread.

He was certain the residents of Twinleaf Town were no different. Especially when they lived so close to one of the three great lakes. He entered the small town with a smile. People moved about their business early this morning with pokémon by their side. All he needed was for one of them to point him in the right direction—

“I tell you it’s true,” a youngster wailed to a crowd. The trainer groaned and rubbed his ears. Leave it to a brat to overuse his squeaky voice. Though it should be for good reason. The boy’s clothes were tattered and ripped—probably from thorns, the trainer reasoned—with mud caked on his bare skin. His youthful tan marred with bruises and, if the trainer’s eyes were correct, a burn across his forearm.

“There’s a monster in the lake! It attacked me and my nidoran!”

A monster in Lake Verity? The trainer frowned. Too farfetched for his taste. Powerful pokémon never lingered along the lakefront, so the merchants told him. The most dangerous any trainer encountered was a choleric gyarados!

There’s no such thing as monsters, he scoffed by opened his ears regardless. The kid had a story, no doubt about it. Perhaps it would prove to be a challenge for him.

Though his hopes weren’t high. In recent years, Twinleaf Town failed to produce capable trainers—

“The boy speaks truth, if only misguided,” the trainer blinked. An elderly man took the boy’s side with a pleasant smile. Eyes narrowed with wisdom as leaned against his cane. “There’s always been a force protecting the lakefront. A guardian blessed by Lady Mesprit herself. It serves to protect the grounds from intruders.”

A guardian, the trainer scoffed. What importance lied within Lake Verity to deserve such a being? A being blessed by the lake guardian herself? Completely unnecessary if you asked him. And the crowd around him shared his thoughts if their whispers were any indication.

Something soft brushed against his leg and he smiled. Kiri stood at his feet, pleading to him with those big, beautiful eyes of hers. How could he resist? He gathered her into his arms and turned back to scene,

Clearly, the elder saw no reason to stop. He only adjusted his kimono and tapped his cane against the lush grass. It amazed him how the soft, melodic sound managed to quiet the confused herd of people. He knew teachers killed to have that superpower, especially on that last day of classes.

“Now, now,” The elder smiled, gingerly tapping the pokéball on his cane. “We all knew of the legend.”

The ball snapped open and released a pokémon before them all. A beautiful one with glowing, white fur. It became the perfect contrast with its pitch-black skin exposed only by its paws, it’s feline face and oval-shaped crest on its forehead. Not to mention the scythe-like tail and crescent horn jutted out from its forehead.

But all its featured paled in comparison to its eyes. Sharp, red orbs that pierced through his soul. He saw glimpses of the wisdom they held, but something them froze him to his core. Those cold eyes demanded something from the trainer that he wasn’t prepared give.

Something he could never regain.

He flinched. Not his proudest moment, but it happened. And the pokémon reacted with a snarl as it tensed its lithe form.

“You feel it, Absol?” The man said in a graveled whisper. At once, the strange pokémon—absol, he heard about the species, but never encountered one in person—eased off but kept those eyes fixated on him. The elder stroked its forehead and locked eyes with the trainer. “Young man, what is your name.”

Part of him wanted nothing more than to flip the old geezer off. If there was one thing, he hated was unwanted attention. But he shrunk under the questioning gaze of the crowd. Of course, they were wrapped up in his every word—baring down him with their millions of eyes.

“Paxton,” he spoke softly, holding Kiri closer for comfort. He was thankful his partner glared at the absol and waved its arms for battle. Kiri was always ready to defend him. “Paxton Lotus of Floaroma Town. This is my partner pokémon, Kiri the formantis.”

The geezer nodded with a strange smile. But Paxton couldn’t place why it disturbed him. “You all remember the legend,” the geezer spoke again. “A child blessed with verity. Discovered by the peaceful flower.” Paxton groaned. Of course, this had something to do with him. No wonder he didn’t trust the geezer. “Tell me, young one. What has brought you to his town?”

This had to be a trick question. No trainers came to this town without one goal in mind. A common decision amongst trainers to explore supposed mystical hotspots.

A rite of passage.

“To see the lake guardian with my own eyes,” So why did the words leave his mouth? What compelled him to answer such an obvious question? “And start my journey with an adventure.”

“An adventure,” The man smiled. A knowing smile Paxton saw plentifully on his father’s face. “An adventure intertwined with the red strings. Yes, you certainly shall receive one. Follow me, please youngling.”

Something tells me I shoulda stayed in Floaroma Town

~~~

Suddenly, staying in Floaroma Town felt like the right move. Paxton sighed and ran a hand through his curly green hair. But he had to admit. He never guessed Lake Verity was like this. Granted, those legends formed his perception. Most of the western Sinnohian legends seemed so farfetched. From the ghosts who spirited away young children to his town being desolate by blessed by a powerful being.

Though he supposed there was some truth to them.

Paxton heard all the legends of Lake Verity. Stories of a grand lake filled with playful pokémon. The young bounded with joyful abundance in search of playmates. The old always observed from a distance. Sometimes rare and foreign pokémon even migrated for solitude and protection under the lake’s grand authority. All made possible by the beautiful being who blessed the land with tranquility.  

Legends, Paxton grumbled, constructed for the public.

The exterior failed to marvel him. Instead…it possessed an eerie aura. Haunting even as the chilly breeze rustled the trees. He wrinkled his nose. He could almost taste it. Thick and heavy as it weighed down on the towering trees. Silencing the young starlies as their chirps echoed sporadically.

Yet I don’t hear a single wing beat.

The interior disappointed him even more. A fog darkened his view just as the geezer told him. Though he hoped he was wrong. For a legendary lake, this place was…dull! Where were the pokémon? He’d even take a random trainer!

Guess the Beast of Lake Verity scared ‘em off, Paxton frowned and folded his arms. To think they really roped him into this. If you asked him, the brat lied, and the geezer just played it up. Twinleaf Town might not have powerful trainers, but he doubted none of them could handle whatever lived in this lake.

Thought it didn’t explain the silence. He couldn’t even hear his footsteps! Or his breath even as it crystalized in front of him.

Wait, what? He froze and exhaled. Sure enough, his breath crystalized before it faded into the fog. But that’s impossible! It’s still summer!

“Kiri, I don’t like this,” he shivered and looked down at his partner. Kiri gazed up him and smiled. She nodded and pointed to a path. “Yeah…let’s get moving.”

He never thought silence rattled him like this. But perhaps it was lake? Lake Verity. The Lake of Emotions. This place almost drained it all from him. And the silence? That was the real kicker.

Lake Verity, the lake of truth, was silent. And with each step, Paxton dreaded he’d discover why.

This is the life of a trainer, right? He gulped, taking the right path like the geezer said.

His father recited tales of adventure and mystery numerous times before bed. As a child, he longed to explore forbidden areas and encounter strange pokémon.

Just like his father.

Shape up, Paxton! You got this!

Confidence. The greatest task of all was its development. Paxton never considered himself timid, but confident was a stretch. He conjured the nerve to set out to this lake, but its aura slaughtered his strength. How did the townsfolk live near this toxic place?

“Kiri, do you feel this?” The young mantis was his only source of comfort as he held her to his chest. She, however, didn’t share his sentiment. If Paxton wasn’t mistaken, she appeared calm. “Kiri?”

Kiri glanced at him. Her sparkling red eyes gleamed with purpose and clarity. She nodded to him and rubbed his arms.

That he heard.

“Do you see something?”

(Fomantis.) Kiri nodded and pointed her arm. A leftward path, he noted. Distinctly different from the elder’s advice. “Keep to the right,” he droned with that absol nodding in agreement. “Keep to the right and you will find your adventure.”

Keep right, Paxton frowned. The rightward path was clearer. Masked in a thin fog but parted perfectly by the trees. But Kiri says go left, a darker path with a heavy fog.

(Fo! Fomantis!)

Sharp pains blossomed from his arms and he bit his lip. His father warned him well of loud sounds. “Nngh, Kiri? What was that for?”

(Fo!) Kiri wretched herself free from his hold and waved her arms. Her features were tensed as though battle was imminent, but he saw no enemies. (Fo—tis! F—a—s! F—!)

“Kiri,” Paxton flinched. His voice—it grew raspy. A hand shot to his throat, but he flinched. Cold and numb. His fingertips especially as he stroked his throat harder to gain sensation. “Wha—ening?”

My voice! Paxton stumbled back and gripped his throat. Only seconds had passed, but the cold deepened. His arms numbed as he fought to keep them in use. His legs trembled as he leaned against something smooth. Paxton hoped it was a tree. What’s happening? I-I can’t breathe!

Spots dotted his vision and his blinks didn’t deter their growth. Thoughts raged in a wildfire as his eyes darted back and forth. Everything blurred. But he felt so cold. So numb. So distant from himself.

The world stopped moving. Kiri vanished.

And Paxton saw darkness.

~~~

I should’ve stayed in Floaroma Town, Paxton groaned. Never had this pain wrecked through his body. The aches reached passed his muscles and rattled his bones as his chest heaved. Lead eyelids struggled to open. Only seconds did he manage before they snapped shut. He had a feeling it wasn’t from the sunlight either.

Is this really what being a trainer’s about? Paxton hoped not. He lifted his back up from the soft grass but didn’t get far. His body couldn’t do it just yet. Damn this sucks.

(Fomantis!)

Paxton finally managed to sit up and when a green blur tackled his chest. A flare of pain burned through his veins and he groaned. The feeling, however, didn’t last long. Not when the bundle of joy bounded onto his shoulder and nuzzled his cheek. The soft bulb caressed his skin as those sickle-arms hugged his skin.

“Kiri,” His raspy voice sounded through the air. “What happened? Where—huh? It’s not cold anymore.”

That odd chill. Paxton frowned and flexed his fingers. Their reaction was sluggish, but without those painful needles digging into his skin. A start, he supposed.

(Fo…Fomantis.)

“I’m sorry I worried you, Kiri,” Paxton smiled and pulled his partner into his chest. Warmth blossomed through his skin and he tightened his hold. The remnants of that deathly chill burned away from Kiri’s presence. And his heartbeat filled his ears. “I’m sorry I dragged us here. I just wanted to prove myself. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

Paxton blinked away fresh tears. Crying solved nary a problem. His father taught him that years ago. However, it felt right once his emotions whirled free from his control. Despite his best efforts, those hot tears streaked down his sienna skin.

He sobbed loud and hard as his body shock and quivered. The strange fear clasped at his heart as dark thoughts ran rampant. All he saw was his body collapsing against that tree, sliding down as his muscles gave in to the cold. The chills snatching at his throat as he fought for air to fill his lungs. The darkness as it swallowed his mind whole and refused to let go.

“I-I’m sorry, Kiri! I’m so-so sorry!”

(Starly!)

Paxton blinked his watery eyes as another chirp echoed through the air. He followed the sound and found the source perched at his side. A starly if he remembered right. An odd bird with timid mannerisms. He never knew one to approach humans without the comfort of its flock.

(Shinx!)

Now, this was odd. A starly was expected. The young birds claimed the lake as their own for numerous reasons. Shinx, on the other hand, rarely strayed this far from their home. Nor did they accept the company of bird pokémon so freely. Yet, here this shinx was, sitting beside the starly with a smirk. A smug one that challenged anyone to test its might in battle.

The abnormal pair recited speeches comprised of chirps and growls before they took off. Paxton frowned. Bizarre, but he supposed it was for the best. He still had to discover this so-called Beast of Lake Verity.

And, Paxton gulped and wiped his eyes, defeat it.

That meant—despite the aches, Paxton climbed to his feet with Kiri in his arms—he had ways to travel if he wanted to make it to the lakefront. No more setbacks, he decided with a grin. He took a step forward and paused once the breeze whisked passed. Fresh with the scent of life and—

Huh? Paxton’s hazel eyes widened. He was here. Lake Verity. It looked just like the pictures. However, there was the strange aura from the exterior. This time, it was subdued. Chirps and splashing water echoed through his ears. He could see it now. The starlies claimed the skies with their chirps and the goldeens danced through the clear waters with elegance. Paxton always loved how their tails billowed like a ballroom dance when they leapt free of the water.

 How did I get here? Paxton frowned and glanced down at his partner. Kiri couldn’t have dragged me. So, what—

(Veno-NAT!)

Paxton thanked Arceus his father trained his battle reflexes. He barely saw the comets of green light slice through the sky before he moved. His sluggish muscles, however, floundered to his commands. A graceful leap disfigured into a stumbling tumble and roll. It was better than nothing, even as his forehead throbbed.

Though, he counted himself lucky his body reacted at all. Whatever that attack was, it scorched where he stood, launching soil and dead grass into the skies.

Th-That coulda been me, Paxton tensed and scrambled to his feet. Kiri needed no commands. She squirmed out of his arms and tensed for battle. Was that the beast?

(Fo!) Kiri’s shout came just in time. Paxton dove again as those comets barreled passed him. Kiri was on the move, launching a barrage of glowing, spiraling leaves at the mystery attacker. Just like they practiced, he realized, she kept moving. (Fomantis!)

Kiri’s on the offense, but where’s the beast? There weren’t many places to hide in this clearing. The tall grass was the closest, but— what was that?

It was fast, but Paxton knew he saw it. A purple mass sped passed and those lime comets followed soon after.

“Kiri, the beast is using the grass to hide! Trim it with Razor Leaf!”

(Fo! Fo!) Kiri wasted no time. Before he knew it, the grass shortened, and sharped leaves ripped through the air. In the epicenter stood Kiri with her scythe arms posed for combat. And that beast circled her. This time, he clearly saw the creature. It moved quite fast with those clodhopper feet.

(Venonat!) The beast paused, but Paxton wished it hadn’t. The title of beast suited it perfectly by his qualifications. Giant red, dotted-eyes, stubby paws, a pincer mouth, and twin antennas stuck out of its unsightly purple fur. Paxton almost felt sorry such a hideous creature existed. No sane trainer would ever raise it.

Hideous or not, this creature attacked him and terrorized the residents of Twinleaf. It was his mission to defeat it. “Kiri, get in close with Leaf Blade!” Kiri rushed forward with his scythes glowing a vibrant green. The beast posed itself to dodge, but it never did. Kiri scored a direct slash across its chest. “Yes! Now, batter it with Fury Cutter!”

Paxton knew not what kind of pokémon this beast was. However, it mattered not once fury cutter came into play. With each slash, Kiri’s attack power increased. And the beast’s buzzes evolved into cries of pain as Kiri continued her onslaught.

“Yes! That’s the way! Kiri, it’s time to kill this atrocious aroma! Leaf—”

(Fo!) Paxton froze. A mangled cry rung through his ears. Nothing like the beast’s vibrating tones. Kiri? Before his eyes, his partner pokémon collapsed, using her arms for support. (F-Fo…)

But how?!

(Veno!) Paxton watched in horror as the air rippled around Kiri before she was smacked away by an invisible force. (Venonat!)

Reeee!

No, Paxton watched in horror as the beast’s giant eyes shined in a lime green light. It shook its mangy purple fur and orbs of a familiar light wiggled free. That’s the move!         

“Kiri!” Paxton screamed, but it fell on deaf ears. The orbs streaked at speeds beyond his comprehension until they moved into comets of lime energy. And pelted Kiri with reckless abandon. “No!”

Paxton didn’t feel himself scramble to his feet and force his tired legs to run and dive for his partner. He scoped her into his arms and pressed her against his chest. Like the fighter she was, Kiri wiggled and slapped his arms. She wanted to fight, but Paxton refused to let her. Not when she sustained—

Poisoned? Sure enough, her brilliant green hair was diluted with streaks of purple. But when?

(Venonat!) Paxton glared at the beast, but his edge melted away. The beast stared at them with those unmoving eyes with those orbs hovering around them. Paxton lost count of how many loomed over them, but the dread weighed heavy on his shoulders. (Veno—!)

“Motha,” A calm, melodious voice washed over the field. And the beast paused. Those orbs dissipated in spark of lime light and the creature settled down. It hobbled passed Paxton with a certain bounce that Paxton didn’t appreciate. “That’s enough.”

Paxton turned around. That beast—Motha, the voice dubbed it—stood at the foot of the lake. Something floated down beside it. Another hideous monstrosity. Light green with beady eyes and red mouth. All concealed within a weird, translucent green sphere. The new creature thrilled and…spoke?

Yeah, Paxton groaned, they’re speaking to each other. Great.

The last thing he needed was a team-up. Though—his heavy hand lingered at his belt—he supposed his team could handle them.

“That’s enough fighting, please,” the same voice spoke and again. Paxton followed it to the source and gasped.

A trainer climbed out of the crystal blue waters. His curly black hair clung to his beautiful, hazelnut skin as the water dripped down his toned body. Clothed only in a pair of black, square leg briefs decorated with bugs and bubbles. He brushed back a lock from his face and revealed sparkling sky-blue eyes. As light as the heavens above, but something about them appeared shattered to Paxton.

Almost like pain marred his soul.

He’d seen that look before. His father wore it plenty when his anniversary came around.

“Who are you?” He spoke again with that same melodious quality. Only this time, there was a noticeable edge like a cliff blocking a powerful wave. “What are you doing in Lake Verity?”

Paxton didn’t know how to respond. His lip quivered as he tightened his grip on his injured partner. This trainer must have raised that beast for it to respond to him. He caused that boy and Kiri to gain such injuries. He was the enemy.

So why was his heart pounding through his chest?

“M-My name is Paxton, Paxton Lotus of Floaroma Town,” he gulped and dipped a hand to his belt. “I’m here to defeat the Beast of Lake Verity.”

The trainer paused at that. It was strange. Paxton felt the heated anger raise through the teen’s body. His features, however, never changed. It was his eyes that gave him way. The shattered look solidified and his eyes darkened with flecks of gray. Like a hurricane ravaged the land and Paxton was powerless to stop it.

“I am the guardian of Lake Verity,” He spoke with harsh gravel. Guardian? So that legend is real? “My name is Turquoise. Turquoise Yukule.”