#me versus feeling like i annoy everyone i talk to

[yoichist]

hi pooks i’m curling into a ball on ur lap like a kitty

[chastiefoul]

regret | alhaitham

a/n: a very messy drabble based on some idea that popped into my head. basically about a y/n who's very in touch with their feelings vs alhaitham handling those feelings (to nobody's surprise, it didn't end well)

tags: angstyyy

part 2 here

1.5k words

to say that you get along with alhaitham would be a stretch.

anyone would agree that your interactions consisted only of you always pestering him and alhaitham barely tolerating it. this causes amusement but also worries, you both being the polar opposites and all.

the arrogant and cold scribe versus the bright and cheery you. there’s a line, a wall if you will; that made everyone wondered, how long would the strange dynamic last before something eventually went wrong.

and it finally did.

❀

hanging out with kaveh is something of a routine, with you studying the same subject; architecture. people were always naturally drawn to you, kaveh wasn’t the exception. you both get along with each other pretty quickly, and he’s been a close friends since. you even got to know alhaitham through him.

alhaitham said once, that you both were pretty similar albeit with different words—or to quote him as he spoke with such exasperation, “archons, now there are two of them.” still however alike, he quietly also thought there’s a key difference, a very apparent contrast that he couldn’t help but notice, even he didn’t try to.

you and kaveh both were very in touch with your emotions, meaning all of your actions often solely driven by feelings. although with kaveh he wasn’t ashamed of this, always stating clearly—or unnecessarily,  if something had upset him. but you on the other hand chose to hide that displeasure, masking it with an uncertain smile, one that’s clearly forced. as though wanting to halt any further argument. that somehow infuriated alhaitham.  

everyday you would always greet him without any care in the world. even though every conversation you had with alhaitham, somehow always turned into something he had to won, that he had to have the last word. he also couldn’t figure it out himself what got him so worked up every time he talked to you.

❀

“kaveh, don’t you think alhaitham is a nice person?” one a peaceful lunch you asked. he shot you a disgusted look, as if the question had offended him. “are you in your right mind?” he quickly retorted. “well despite him looking so fed up and all that, he still talk to us, doesn’t he?” you played your food with your fork. “... and that’s why he’s ‘nice’? dear god the bar is in hell—no it’s even below the devil’s foot itself.” he sighed, really couldn’t believing his ear. what got you so infatuated with him anyway? in all honesty kaveh was having a hard time remembering if there was ever a time where alhaitham was nice to you, he only recalled your cheery attitude getting shot down by alhaitham’s apathy every single time.

wait. he knew what this is.

“you like him.” kaveh suddenly said. you couldn’t turn your head to him any quicker. “what?” you panicked. “you heard me. now i just need to hear you admitting it.” there’s a playful smile on kaveh’s face, he’s teasing. “you won’t, cause i don’t.” you said, trying hard to be calm while eating your food. “mmhm,” kaveh hummed knowingly, an annoying smirk plastered on his face. “you know what? i don’t have to listen to this, i’m leaving.” you pouted, gathering your stuff. “yes, and you know what your in-denial self should listen to instead? me.”

“shut up!”

❀

“good morning, alhaitham!” you greeted him per usual with high energy. he hummed a reply, acknowledging your presence. when you just lingered there showing no sign of leaving he sighed. “how many times do i have to tell you my office is not a playground where you can hang around however you please?” he asked, preparing to sort out the documents from the fresh pile that just came. “i was just—nevermind that, do you need any help?” you asked with a smile. however the harmless question just tick something unpleasant inside of the scribe, he knew you meant well, truly he knew that. “do i look like someone who’s incapable of doing my own job?” he questioned in a cold tone.

“of course not! i just thought since i was a little free-“

“right. you thought, that never went well though, did it?” the viciousness was out of nowhere, you were caught off guard.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you narrowed your eyes at the harsh words—like he was saying that you were some kind of an idiot. he was always ill-tempered towards you, but he didn’t need to be this harsh over a mere offer to help.

alhaitham could feel he was being unreasonably mean, but he just couldn’t stand it. your useless kindness, your warmth, your concerns over his well-being all of these were so strange for him and his initial reaction was to reject and mock them. alhaitham felt like he was above it, it was too troublesome. he was fine living up to this point without the concerns from other people, and he was sure as hell he wasn’t going to start not being fine without it anytime soon.

 “why do you always think i need help? or do i need someone to remind me when to have my meal, or telling me to be conscious of my sleep schedule? frankly, it made me very uncomfortable,” once he started he felt like he couldn’t stop. alhaitham was mad, but if someone had asked him why he also wouldn’t be able to find the words to explain. he just was.

“well excuse me for trying to look out for my friend!” you raised your voice.

“friend? i never once thought of you that way,” he said. that shut you up real quick. the confession left your mouth agape, your chest ached. just what you are to him then, for the past half-year? but then when you think about it again, when has he exactly treat you as if you were something more of an acquaintance? in the end it was on you to assume, but it still hurts nonetheless.

in the brief silence alhaitham found the answer as to why was he so aggravated every time he talked to you.

alhaitham was blunt, he was ruthless in commenting on things that are out of place according to him. he was arrogant, often thinking that he’s above everything else, this include his way of life. a life of solitude; without the need of other people. but then you came, and his principles was shaken. alhaitham was a lot of things, but none would say that he’s fickle. yet, his rage right that second was a living proof that perhaps alhaitham was never the winner of those meaningless conversations he had with you. that truthfully, you already had him at the first good morning greeting you had given him with a bright smile.

and that is alhaitham’s hardest pill to swallow. you, a single person managed to make him almost change his entire life principles he had believed his whole life. and that’s as terrifying as it is infuriating to him. he couldn’t let you sway him more than this.

after what felt like eternity you finally responded.

“there’s a limit to being heartless, don’t you think?” you weakly said, you don’t even know what you were hoping for as a reply honestly. “there’s also should be a limit to your groundless assumptions.” he didn’t even look at you as he said these things, which perhaps good since you seriously couldn’t hold your tears anymore.

you had never believed rumors about people, as you will never know the truth unless you verify it yourself. but there, standing quietly as your tears wet the floor; there was no denying it anymore, alhaitham was indeed a heartless man who has zero empathy towards other living being.

“maybe i was wrong about you, alhaitham.” you smiled sadly.

it’s better this way.

“you were. now if you don’t mind, i have work to do.” he stated firmly, meaning: get out. which you will do gladly once you said your piece.

“it’ll do you good in the future to not be so driven by your emotions,” he still thought he was in a position to lecture you.

“yeah? and it’ll do you to good get off your high horse once in a damn while, you’re not fucking better than everybody else, alhaitham.”

“maybe so, but i certainly know i’m above acting solely over any emotion i’ve felt in the moment. i stopped doing that after i turned six, actually.” to think he'd mock you for crying.

“fuck you, alhaitham. enjoy your ‘alone’ time, i hope it stays that way forever.” you walked away from his office, swearing to yourself that it will be the last time you set foot on that damn place. alhaitham rarely see you frown, and to see you that angry and he was the cause of it.. silence got the better of him, the insides of his chest was swirling, he wasn't sure what to feel.

when your footsteps was finally out of hearing, alhaitham brought his palm to his face, his emotions getting the better of him. he saw the the hurt in your face, it was beyond saving. there’s nothing he could possibly say or do to get you to forgive him. and that was his intention of course, to get you to hate him. but he never thought he’d be ready for that.

alhaitham days quickly returned to the monotous routine. a quiet cycle, he thought he loved that. it's easy to realize that he did not anymore.

he's already so used to you. he kept waiting for you every morning, maybe if he wished hard enough you’d forget everything and just came back like nothing happened. but those days didn’t come, the memory quickly turns into anguish but more than that, regret.

aside from his ego, perhaps this regret is also something he would take to his grave.

-

part 2 maybe??

[concretecultist]

Sunshine (muscle memory pt. 2)

summary: "true love never leaves, sometimes it just gets lost temporarily. lost in pride and ego, lost in confusion and misunderstanding. but love being lost is never the end; sometimes love needs to breathe before it finds home again."

word count: 17.6k

pairing: reader x noah sebastian

warnings: angst, talks of mental health, feelings of guilt, mentions of marijuana usage, crying, dad!noah, FLUFF

THIS IS PURE FICTION AND IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!

A/N: yeah so idk how to write short stories really 😭 so this is a long one!! Please make sure to comment and reblog as it helps us writers out immensely!! Much love!

~Berry🫐

“You’re so full of shit!,”

Matt had come back into town, rushing to tell Noah and the guys what had happened while he was out. Noah, Nicholas and Jolly were playing a video game on the big screen when Matt rushed in, Folio nodding in and out of sleep with a bag of chips in his hands after facing a whole blunt by himself.

“Bro, I know what I fucking saw,” Matt was seething, does Noah really think he would lie about something like this? “This wasn’t some Y/N doppelgänger, it was Y/N and she had a baby, a little girl.. who looks just like you might I add. It’s weird!,”

Noah felt like his stomach fell out of his ass. Matt has to be bullshitting. Maybe you were babysitting? There’s no way you had a baby. There’s no way he had a baby.

“It’s hard to tell who babies look like when they’re still that young. Maybe the guy who told you to go away was her new boyfriend,” Jolly tried to justify.

Matt frowned at Jolly’s disposition. Everyone in this room knew you like the palm of their hands. It took you a while to open up to Noah and become his girlfriend and even longer to open up to them to consider them playfully-annoying brothers.

“She’s not like that,” Nicholas clicked away at his controller, brows furrowing as he soaks in the conversation.

Matt clapped his hands and pointed to Nicholas as if to say that the point he made was based, and it was.

Nicholas continued speaking while keeping his eyes trained on the screen, absolutely obliterating the characters within the game, “I mean think about it. If what Matt is saying is true-,”

“And it is!,” Matt interjected but all Nicholas did was roll his eyes and continue speaking,

“-Then the time between Noah and Y/N breaking up versus now, would not be enough time for her to get pregnant by someone else,”

“One night stand after they broke up?,” Folio answered absentmindedly.

“You know damn well that’s not how Y/N is,” Matt just wanted to pull his hair out, “If you saw that baby then you guys would see I’m not lying,”

Noah felt like he might be sick. Even if you two broke up, you would tell him that you were pregnant… right?

But then again, the last few months of your relationship, he wasn’t there, emotionally nor physically so he can’t blame you if you didn’t. It doesn’t hurt any less though and he doesn’t know what to believe.

“Where the hell did you even see her? I figured she jumped ship,” Noah shrugged, “And even if this is the case, Matt. She blocked all of us on… o-on everything so how do you expect me to go about this?,”

The silence from the blond was enough of an answer for Noah but Matt’s silence didn’t mean he didn’t have one.

“Why are you so adamant on denying this?,”

“I’m not!,” Noah let his character go idle long enough for Nicholas to say fuck it and actually pause the entire game, “I just don’t know what to do! I mean, if she acted like she didn’t want to see you then what makes you think she’ll want to see me?,”

The guys knew Noah had a point, but he should still try.

“It’s Sunday. Every other Sunday she goes to the markets and you should know that because you would always be at the studio with Jolly so she would take me with her,” Matt stood there with his arms crossed, he watched the gears turn in Noah’s head but he knew the brunet still wasn’t getting it.

“Okay?,” Noah was stumped.

“Which means she still has her routines, dork!,” he tapped his fingers to his temple as if to tell Noah to ‘fucking think’

“Meaning on Wednesday, she’ll be at the actual grocery store getting what she couldn’t at the market,” Nicholas answered for Matt.

“Are we sure any of this is a good idea?,” Jolly probed, “If you guys ended mutually then one, why would she not tell you, two, why would she block all of us, and three, why would she act like that when seeing Matt?,”

Jolly, Matt and Nicholas had their suspicions about the breakup. Noah had told them it was pretty cut and dry but they could never get your side as you pretty much went off the grid.

“I don’t know!,” Noah held his hands up in frustration, “I don’t know why you guys are acting like I’m not blindsided here,”

“There’s only one grocery store within the town I saw her near. Don’t be on any stalker shit but I’ll bet you my fucking mixing equipment she’ll be there on a Wednesday at 4:45 before the after work rush comes,” Matt refuted.

It felt strange to Noah that all of his friends seemed to read you like a book, but when he thinks about you, you seem like a mystery. Maybe it’s because you had no choice but to become one after a while. It’s his fault you closed yourself off. You tried until you couldn’t yet Noah made your efforts seem pointless. Noah had neglected you, he became a stranger who wasn’t involved in your routines anymore and he’s had more than enough time to realize that after you left.

When you left it felt like his world had stopped. How did he fuck up so bad? Letting the voices in his head get to him, pushing you away with the idea that you’ll someday be with someone who deserves you. The demons in his head convinced him that he wasn’t that someone.

He let the weight of the world crush him. He let the brain fog cloud his vision, his judgment and now here he is, doing his best to get better. Now has the news that he may or may not be a father. He’s spooked by the idea. If he couldn’t be a good partner how does he expect you to let him in for a chance to be a good father… if he can find you that is? He’s petrified.

Except he knows damn well it doesn’t outweigh the panic you felt when he pushed you away, forcing you to go through it all alone.

It had been about two and a half weeks or so since your run in with Matt and it has done nothing but prompted you to stay inside more than you already have been. Reid agreed to drop off your needed items and even stuck around to help around the house. He’s even brought Ms. Ernie by as she’s missed you.

You wanted to get out though. You missed going on walks around the woods, missed stepping foot on the outskirts of the city. You couldn’t hide away forever and you really couldn’t do that to Noelle, she needed to see the outside world.

That’s how you found yourself in the supermarket in town with Ms. Ernie as she asked you what you wanted for dinner.

“I think some mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli will be good sides,” you suggested.

“Want gravy?,”

“No, I’m more of a butter and pepper kinda gal,” you lightly nudged her, patting Noelle’s bottom as she laid quietly in her baby wrap against your chest.

“You kids don’t appreciate good gravy anymore,” she playfully rolled her eyes.

This is something you really needed. Was this a friendship you expected to have? Absolutely not, still it helps you feel normal. You share your eggs from your chickens and she makes you milk and yogurt, she always invites you over for Wednesday dinner, you invite her over for a nice cool lunch while she’s on break from the truck.

“What do we want for dessert?,” you ask, looking at the array of fresh baked goods.

“Pick whatever you want, sweetie. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go look at the teas, I’m running low and I think they’re on sale!” she waved, taking the cart to go get her favorite brand of iced tea.

“What are we feeling, Sunshine?,” you lightly bounce, her hand reaching up to feel your cheek, “Do we want carrot cake, red velvet? Ouuu that caramel crumble apple pie sounds gooooood,”

You look at her, heart swelling while she just squeals and smiles at you. You never expected yourself to be a parent, a single parent at that- but smiling down at this face, with the cutest, chubbiest cheeks and big, animated eyes, you wouldn’t trade this for anything.

“I know, I think we should get all of them too,” you rub your nose against hers just to hear her babble again. You would never get tired of that sound, it became your favorite song.

“But!-” you open the cooler door and begin reaching, “-Mama is really craving the red velvet,”

Unfortunately for you though, it was on the top shelf and you just weren’t tall enough. You hear yourself grunt as you reach and honestly it’s rather embarrassing. You try again and see no one nearby to ask for help and you feel defeated. All you wanted was a nice piece of cake. Deciding to give up, you slap your hand down against your thigh and look to Noelle to pout at her, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be”

While you were looking at her, you were in your own world. Everything just seemed to stop when you peered into those eyes. Noelle nuzzled her cheek against the back of your finger as you caressed it. All you wanted was a nice dinner followed by eating cake while she slept on your chest, a nice night with you and Ms. Ernie competing against each other while watching a game show.

You were so caught up in adoring your daughter that you didn’t see the large hand that reached over your head to grab the cake you desired.

“Here you go,” a hopeful drone made its way into your ears.

You were so set on having a good night except when you looked up, your smile immediately fell and you were frozen. Your eyes seemed to deceive you because there was no way this was real. You had to be dreaming. There’s no way he’s standing in front of you.

Your body betrayed you. Everyone speaks of fight or flight and a part of you always believed that if you were in a situation where you had to choose, that you’d choose flight, not being the fighting type and opting to always run and hide. But… Now that you’re in a situation like this, there’s a third option many don’t acknowledge.

Freeze.

There’s fight.

There’s flight..

and then there’s freeze…

And you froze.

Your mind and body let you down. Your feet should be carrying your body as far away from his as possible but you just can’t move. You’re trying but they won’t budge.

That smile he shines isn’t helping either. It's an expression you want to wipe off his face but for some reason you can’t help but continue to stare because it’s a smile that you never expected to see again. It clicks that your mind is betraying you again because why are you finding comfort in it?

His eyes were tired but still so beautiful. You notice they hold hope as well as hesitation.

“You always did like red velvet,” he snickered but you didn’t find anything funny. What kind of sick joke is this?

“Get away from me,” you whisper. It sounded more confident in your head, you didn’t want to sound weak. Another bodily betrayal.

“I’m not here to scare you or hurt you. I just want to talk,” he caught a glimpse of the gorgeous baby in your wrap and his breath was taken away.

Matt was right and not just about the baby. But your routines. You never strayed far from your habits, so to see you walking in the store with your baby to your chest made this much more real than Noah could process at once. The poor guy doesn’t know if he’s relieved or scared shitless.

“There’s nothing to talk about. She’s not even yours,” your eyes flit as the tears fall down your cheeks. It felt like you were suffocating now. You know Matt spilled and really, you couldn’t blame him because if you were in Noah’s position, you’d want to be told as well. But then again.. you wouldn’t be in this position if you were him because you would’ve tried to save your relationship.

Being found so easily wasn’t something you planned and now you’re battling the feelings of wanting to slap him or run in his arms because while he hurt you- Noah was it for you. He was endgame. Seeing him stirred all these feelings inside that were now giving you vertigo, causing your stomach to swirl and a lump to form in your throat.

“Y/N, she looks just like me. There’s a lot to talk about,”

He tried to get another glimpse but you shielded her in the wrap. No, no way in hell. Taking a giant step back, you hold her closer, “I won’t let you take her away from me. She’s all I have, Noah. I won’t let you,”

Noah took a step forward and could only brandish defeat when you took yet another step back.

“I’m not trying to take her from you,” Noah knows he has no right to be offended. Like, let’s think- you two broke up and his best friend bumped into you, now Noah knows about his child and he found you in a random supermarket after you fought tooth and nail to stay away from him. It would make sense why you think he’d take her from you, but that’s far from what Noah wants. It’s a long shot but he wants to make this right.

Noah understands that he fucked up in the past but he wouldn’t do that to you, “That’s why I want to talk. I want a chance to be there,”

A scoff from you echoes in the empty aisle. How rich.

“You weren’t even there for me and you expect me to believe you’ll be there for her?,” You grit through your teeth, “She is too precious to be let down by you, Noah. Do it to me all you want but not when it comes to my daughter,”

A frown etched its way onto Noah’s face, waving his hands as if to say ‘wait, hold up’. He knows he hasn’t been there but he’s not about to be some deadbeat.

“Our… daughter,” he corrected, “You didn’t even give me a chance to know so I could be there,”

“You’ve got some fucking nerve!,” your voice had gone shrill and you were thankful that there was little to no people in the store. You wished he would have approached you outside, then you really wouldn’t have to worry about keeping your voice down.

“ ‘Our’ daughter, Noah? Really?! If you weren’t there before I was pregnant-,”

“I told you I just needed time,” he interjected, still holding onto that sentiment.

“I gave you four years!,” you spat, “Four years of me, Noah. I gave you four years to learn how to love me. To learn how to communicate even up until the end,”

Who knows how much time he would have needed. Who knows if he’d have even gotten his shit together by the time you found out you were with child and gave birth. Having Noelle now, you know for certain you couldn’t have just sat with idle hands.

“Y/N please,” he begged, still holding the cake in his hands, “I love you and I fucked up. It’s been killing me since the day you left and how I never had to chance to make it right, then Matt told me-”

“Matt is wrong. Matt doesn’t know what he’s talking about!,” you really weren’t trying to make a scene here and you were still trying to convince Noah that Noelle wasn’t his.

“She has my eyes, Y/N. She’s a perfect mix of you and me. Please, just, can we talk about this over coffee. I know you don’t owe me anything but can we meet for lunch or something?,”

Before you could answer with a fat ass denial, Ms. Ernie is coming up with her noisy cart, scooting along with a small frown on her face.

“They done moved my tea, I had to ask for help,” she frowned. She was never the type to like asking for help in stores, she liked it when things were easy to find.

She moves to stand beside you, waiting for your response but then she notices the look of shock you’re wearing and meets Noah’s eyes. It took her a second before she gawked, looking to Noelle and back to Noah.

“That’s that baby’s daddy!,” she looks over her glasses and you loudly sigh at her statement. She didn’t always read the room well.

“Ms. Ernie!,”

“Sorry, honey but it’s undeniable,” she shrugs, looking back to Noah, “You gonna put that cake in my cart or just stand there looking pretty,”

Noah stammered before rushing to set the cake down in the cart and turning to you. Words seem to catch in his throat, not exactly sure what to say.

“I know you blocked us all on everything so just… reach out when you’re ready. I really would like to talk about all of this,”

“I gotta go” Looking to Ms. Ernie so that she would get the hint to start walking. You knew you were in for a long night of her lectures, no matter how insightful they always were, you weren’t ready.

You had a feeling for how the night would go now. This feeling had your stomach queasy as if you’re on a boat, feeling the waves rock you to and fro. It was hard to face the music but she was going to make you. That’s just how Ms. Ernie was, you just weren’t ready for her to be right about it all.

“Give him a chance, sweetie,”

Noelle was fast asleep while you leaned on Ms. Ernie’s shoulder, eating your cake and watching Wheel of Fortune. You wanted your night to go just like this but it wasn’t enjoyable, not with all that was plaguing your mind.

“I can’t let him back in,” you think about it, recalling how bad it hurt you the first time around, “Now that Noey is involved, I can’t let my guard down. I’m a mom now, I have to protect her,”

“I’m not saying throw your whole hand in,” she sipped her tea, “Have a drink with him. I can call Reid to help me with our cute lil plum,”

It wasn’t a secret to how badly you were emotionally wounded when you and Noah parted ways, but it also wasn’t a secret to Ms. Ernie just how bad you love him. From the day you met her, she claimed you and Noah would find your way back to each other. You always told her it was a fat chance. Even now, your heart was playing tug of war.

Do you stay away? Leaving him to wallow in his bad decisions? or do you lean into the possibility of mending things?

“I never stopped loving him, that’s why I’m scared,” you sit up to look at her, she looked so noble when looking at you over her glasses like that, “I watched him love me less and less until our love just became an empty shell. I watched him pick his job over me and I can’t put her through that,”

Ms. Ernie reached over to wipe your tears when she caught sight of your trembling chin. It was comforting, like a grandma tending to her grandchild while they experienced a melancholic mood.

“Take it slow. Take time to get to know the new him and he can take the time to get to know the new you,”

“Does he deserve that though?,”

“Mmm,” she shrugged, “Sometimes a lot of good can come out of a second chance. What if you and him were meant to part ways, only so you two could find each other again?”

“Love shouldn’t come to that, no?,” a twinge of confusion worming its way into your tone

“Oh honey. You’ve got a lot to learn about love,” she lightly swatted your leg, “No amount of time and space can separate you from those that are meant to be in your life. This is a second chance to create a new story,”

You called it. You knew she was gonna get all philosophical on you and be right about all of this.

“Don’t rush into it but…” she sighed, “Give it a shot,”

You don’t even know if you were strong enough to lift the metaphorical gun to give it a shot. Pondering her words each bite at a time while you finish your treat, how do you go about this without immediately falling in love with him again? He was so easy to love even when you didn’t want to, even in his faults. One look at him and it felt like the first day you met him.

You were standing at the bus stop one day, sighing at having to take public transportation as your anxiety has been in overdrive since your car was in the shop. Public transportation meant a lot of people in close quarters and you just couldn’t handle that right now.

In the midst of your mind being in a flurry, a group of rowdy men are approaching. You’re too caught up in trying to reduce your apprehension to notice them getting closer until a nameless man bumps into you, knocking your token out of your hand.

Watching it fly from your hand, floating in mid air, all you can do is try to catch it but it just wasn’t your day. Your token falls down the street drain and your gasp causes the rowdy group to stop.

“No! No, no, no, no noooo!,” you fall to your knees and look down the drain to see the token shining up from the bottom. It was mocking you.

“Dang it!,” your head falls in your hands, wallowing in embarrassment. The token station was 9 blocks away, there was no way you’d make it there and back in time. Of course the transit app wasn’t working on your phone either, you’d been telling yourself to get a new phone carrier for months now, now look at you.

“I’m… so sorry!,”

Removing your head from your hands, your eyes move in the direction in which the voice came. Your breath is instantly taken away once again but for a whole other reason.

“I can pay for another token,” he offers, helping you up, his large hands grasping your biceps to get you up right.

“No it’s okay I can-,”

“Please. It’s the least I can do,” the tall brunet insisted. Your words are caught in your throat, eyes trying to drink in his beauty before he becomes only a memory.

“Nice going, Noah!,” a tall blond wearing a hat pushes him.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole,” another chuckled, he was also decked out in tattoos, gorgeous black hair and glittering eyes.

But your eyes were on the inked man in front of you, the one who made your day even more of a rollercoaster than it already has been. While his friends make fun of him, your eyes are tracing over his tattoos, you’d never seen so many on one body in person before.

“Is… is that a Garden of Eden reference?,” you point to his neck.

He touches his throat and chuckles, a noise that you weren’t aware would change your life.

“Yeah, yeah it is,”

“It’s nice,” you mutter, afraid to speak above a certain octave. You don’t talk to people much, you were only a lonely librarian who went to work, staying in the basement all day to organize books and then go home.

“Thanks…?” he trails off but points to you ask if to ask you a question

“Y/N,” you spill out, “M-my name is Y/N,” you anxiously stick out your hand for him to take and shake, “I think he just called you Noah?,”

“Yeah that’s me,” his smile… my God his smile was hypnotizing. His smile could cure all sadness

“You owe me a bus pass,” you point out, “A-and… and I can pay you back over a cup of tea and some fresh scones at my favorite bakery downtown,”

Your confidence not only caught him off guard, but you as well. You’d never suggest something like that to someone and now you’re overthinking the fact that you’ve made such a fool of yourself.

“Sorry that was… that was abrasive and demanding. That was so rude. Y-you were just being nice and I just… you’re just so pretty and oh my God… Y/N shut up-,”

“Hey,” he softly talked over you, wanting to calm you down without scaring you.

“We’ll stick around until the bus comes so I can pay for your pass and we can trade numbers to set up a date for those scones,”

A date… a DATE?! You’ve only ever been on a handful of dates before and they all went terribly. Surely he didn’t mean like… a date-date, right? Like, you’re sure he just meant a little meetup so you could actually pay him back.

“O-okay!,” wide eyed, you nod your head and look around to his friends that are smiling and laughing and you don’t know if they’re laughing at you. It’s okay if they are, you’re used to it.

“Don’t mind them. They’re assholes,”

“We are not!,” a shorter man punches his arm, “I’m Nick by the way, but you can call me Folio. That’s Jolly, Nicholas, Matt, Davis and Bryan!,”

You nod to them all, making a note of their names.

“Y/N,” you sputter, “I’m Y/N,”

“We heard,” Jolly smiled.

“Right,” you give a bashful smile and turn from them to sit on the bench, “The buses are running 20 minutes late today so you really don’t have to wait,” you set your book in your lap.

“I insist. If these jerks are in a rush, they can go without me,” Noah throws a hand back at them. He’s not surprised that that’s exactly what they did.

They left Noah there, giving you two the chance to talk about the most random things, like your favorite book genres to read, things on your bucket list, aliens, paranormal shit. Just fun things. This is the most you’ve talked to any stranger you’ve ever met, you don’t even talk to your co workers like this.

Noah let you yap about your interests, he admired the way you animated your speech with your hands. He was absolutely enamored with the way you bounced in your seat when he brought up a topic that excited you and he made a mental bookmark so he could memorize the way your eyes close when you laugh.

Noah didn’t believe in love at first sight but this felt like it.

While discussing your favorite twilight characters, the noise of the approaching bus pulled you from your conversation, Noah can see how your face dropped. Your conversation went by too quickly.

“We can have more conversations like this,” Noah shows you his screen, displaying his number and you curse to yourself, knowing he can see you shaking while you hurry to type it into your phone. Your heart was beating out of your chest, he is so sweet and so fricken cute and his tattoos are so cool and he just sat here to talk to YOU?! No one ever just talks to you.

He’s even nice enough to help you onto the bus and get you seated before saying his saddened farewells to leave you. His demeanor gave off reluctance and you felt like you were in a rom-com when he stood outside the bus, waving as it began rolling away.

Your face was hotter than hell, there’s no way any of that just happened. Your phone felt heavy in your hands, demanding to be opened. Gnawing at your lip, your fingers dance on your screen, trying to figure out what to say.

You went with a simple text, something quirky. Something that you hope he’ll answer to and not ghost you after the way you opened up to him so easily.

“So… about those scones?”

All those memories flood back and you can feel the dampness of your face. Where did that Noah go?

How did your once grey world that become so colorful so quickly with his presence, fade into grey once more with his absence in the blink of an eye?

What happened to him that he became so detached? What was lying beneath the surface that he let fester until he let it impact your relationship?

You feel Ms. Ernie takes the plate away from you and rests her hand on your cheek, pulling you out of the pit you were digging with your overactive questioning.

“I got the spare bedroom ready for ya, go get some rest,”

Taking her advice, Noelle snuggled into you as you carried her to the spare room where Ms. Ernie had set up a spare bassinet. You had tucked her in, making sure she was safe and secure before plopping down on the bed with a large sigh, heels of your palms pressing into your eyes to subdue your flowing tears. Now that you were alone, the weight of everything came down.

Tired of feeling so scatterbrained, you grabbed your phone, tapping away at the screen to have your thumb hovering over his name. Was this a good idea? Do you give in this easily? Would this be healthy for your mental state right now? Maybe Matt was right, this wasn’t about you, this was about Noelle, she deserved her dad, right?

But what about protecting her? You didn’t want to introduce him into her life just for him to turn around and jump ship when things got too hard.

Here goes the vicious cycle of overthinking and all the possibilities that made themselves known with the heaviness, giving you no other choice but to feel it filling up your chest. How soon did you want to do this? Did you even want to do this at all?

You’ve been blaming yourself since that day at the market. Had you gone earlier like you always do, you wouldn’t have bumped into Matt, or if you had paid attention, you could have avoided him. There were so many outcomes the universe shuffled in its hand and yet the card you were dealt was the situation you were facing right now.

Finally having enough of your own inner dialogue, a deep breath escapes you when clicking on his contact, closing your eyes when hitting Unblock Caller

Just like the day you met him, you’re faced with the challenge of what to say, except this time there was nothing cute or quirky to say. It was simple and serious.

Tomorrow 12pm at the bakery downtown.

That’s all you could come up with before pressing send. It’s almost like he was waiting by his phone, waiting for you to reach out and it makes you kick yourself. What if this is a set up and you’re falling into his plan.

Wait, no.

Noah has messed up but, He wouldn’t do that… would he? He wouldn’t hurt you any further. You hope you’re right because now this is happening.

I’ll be there.

Sleep fought you all night. In and out of sleep to either tend to Noelle or simply because your mind wouldn’t power down for the night. When you were finally able to get some shut-eye, it was like it was already time for the sun to rise.

Ms. Ernie had breakfast ready for you after you fed Noelle, scooting around her quaint kitchen humming the tune of a classic she grew up listening to. Your nerves were bad as you thought of the day ahead.

“So, what are your plans today?,” she questions.

Slowly chewing your food, your eyes avert down to the table. Why do you feel so embarrassed to admit that you’re meeting him today despite her calling it?

“I uhm, I was going to ask if-,”

“Yes. Reid is already on his way,” the elderly woman delivered a smug expression, she’s been on Earth long enough to know how young love works.

You chuckle at her and shake your head, “You don’t even know what I was going to ask,”

“Baby, I can read you like a book. You’re gonna go see him. I could tell before you went to bed last night. We’ve spent enough time together for me to know you’re not over him,”

Knowing this fact made you feel an ounce of shame. You should be over him. He showed his ass last year yet you’re not sure if the alarm bells that are going off in your head are due to actual warning or if they’re sounding off because you can’t seem to do anything other than overthink. It’s a terrible habit and an even more terrible predicament to be in.

“Am I jumping into this?,” you rub Noelle’s back absentmindedly, enjoying the weight of her in your arms to ground you. Maybe you should have given it a couple days. Did it seem desperate to message him so soon? You were supposed to hate his guts

“It was going to have to happen at some point, dear,” she shrugs while cleaning the kitchen, “You’ve left some bricks of milk in the freezer, you’ve left some spare bottles, diapers, all that. With Reid here to help me she’s in good hands times 2,”

Almost as if she had summoned him, Reid knocks and enters through her front door, a bright smile on his face that you’ve come to learn really helps calm you down. You were thankful for the connections you’ve made since being on your own.

These people were your village and you were in good hands, meaning Noelle was too.

“Gooooooood morning!!,” he claps, hugging Ms. Ernie before moving to you to steal a piece of bacon off your plate. Reid hugs you as well, taking Noelle from your arms.

“I can’t forget you, sunshine!,” he holds her up in the air and she screams in excitement, dropping her head on his chest when he pulls her in.

Ms. Ernie could tell your nerves were getting the best of you, it’s happened enough times to know that spaced out look on your eyes.

“Finish eating and get ready. You can take my car,” she scoots around the kitchen to set her keys on the counter.

“I can call an Uber” not wanting to impose

“Nonsense!,” she waves her hand with a frown, “Your car is back at the cabin, my car doesn’t get much use cause I always take my truck. It’s not a problem,”

Reid sits beside you and rubs your back as a means of comfort, it’s written all over your face that you’re distraught, you never did master your poker face.

“Hey, you got this,”

You drop your head on the table and can feel the tears welling once more.

“Am I stupid for letting him in so easily?,” the familiar knot was forming in your throat, warning that tears would soon begin to fall if you didn’t pull yourself together, “He literally told me he didn’t love me like he used to, then last night says he never stopped. It’s hurting my head. I went about year without him and now I’m going to meet him and I’m terrified,”

“Y/N,” Reid began, “How do eat an elephant?,”

You turn to him and frown at his question. But this is Reid, you know he’s about to say something corny.

“How?,”

“One bite at a time,” he comforts, “It’s okay to feel nervous. It’s okay to overthink all of this and it’s okay to think about the cons. But what if this turns into something good?,”

“It was supposed to be something good the first time,” you hiccup. It’s just tearing you apart all over again to think about what could have been if he’d tried harder back then. You could have been a happy family instead of going through this.

“But then I guess I wouldn’t have met you guys,”

“Exactly. Everything happens for a reason,” Ms. Ernie interjects, “But if you get back with him, you better not forget us,”

Her words were jaw dropping, you know she was saying it as a joke but there was a twinge of truth in them. You all have gotten so close and it would crush her if you left and never looked back.

“I would never dream of it,”

You arrived at the bakery an hour early. Your thoughts wouldn’t slow down unless you did and your nerves were on fire the closer it got.

Maybe this was a bad idea. No… this definitely was a bad idea, right? This bakery brought so many memories. What kind of self torture is it to recommend meeting at the place you two had your first date?

It’s 12 now and he’s still not here. Your chest starts to ache and you don’t know if stress is the cause or if it’s because you knew this was too good to be true.

The reality of having a baby scared him off. He wasn’t ready to be a parent. He’s a big shot rock star, sitting here with the realization made it click that he’s not ready to give that up. He loved his job too much.

It was now 12:06 and there was still no sign of him. You weren’t going to text him, he shouldn’t need a reminder, especially because he never followed up today.

Exhaling mournfully, you gather your belongings, standing up to leave when you hear the bell to the front door and heavy, pattering feet-

“I’m here!!,” panting, hands on his knees as he gets to the table, “I’m here! Accident blocked off the highway- had to take a detour- sped here, no parking. Had to park 2 blocks away so I ran,” he slid into the booth, running a hand through his hair to calm down.

His face was cherry red, chest rising and falling quickly, he looked beat. You don’t say a word, you just slip him your water and he whispers his gratitude just as he chugs it, taking a napkin to wipe his mouth.

“I don’t have her here with me,” a monotonous tone leaves you.

He nods, taking a second to compose himself, trying to get his heart rate down so that he could have a calm conversation.

“I expected that,” leaning back in his seat, his eyes settle in on you and you start to feel self conscious, “You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you,”

“Noah,”

“No, I know I fucked up, Y/N. Trust me, no one knows more than me,” he leans his elbows on the table, dipping his head to catch your eyes that way you can see he was being honest, “I’ve kicked myself in the ass ever since then,”

“I can’t just let you back in, Noah,”

“And I don’t expect you to,” his hand comes to his lips, pressing on them as he thinks, “Everyday I thought about you and what I could have done better. I have therapy now, I learned better coping mechanisms. I know that’s something I should have done before I got that bad, but I didn’t just do it for you I did it for me because I wasn’t treating myself the nicest either,”

Maybe you should have taken a page out of his book and gotten help, but with being a single parent, you didn’t really have time for that.

“I loved you and I still do. You said that you probably weren’t the one for me but you’ve got it so wrong,”

His words reverberate off the walls of your ear canal. This is why all of this is confusing. If he was going through something mentally, why wasn’t he honest instead of shattering you to pieces?

“You’re just saying that because there’s a baby in the picture,” you accuse.

“Ask Matt… ask Nicholas even. This has been going on since the day you left. Finding out about our daughter only solidified it even more that I want a life with you,”

There’s no way this is genuine.

“Noah, I can’t just trust y-,”

“I know. You set the pace, I will respect that,”

There.

Those words started to chip away at the walls that you’d built up. They must not have been very thick, or very strong. Or maybe Noah just had that ability.

“Do you… can I see pictures of her at least?,” He asks as if he’s nervous almost, “I get it if you don’t want to I just-,”

A part of you wanted to tell him no. You didn’t want to reveal her to him just yet. He should work a little harder to prove that he’s legitimate in his stance. A few words shouldn’t grant him this opportunity. Nevertheless, your iced out attitude began melting at his expression, showing him a couple pictures wouldn’t hurt.

“No I can,” you open your phone to your camera roll, having a whole album of her. You’ve taken pictures of her since the day you had her. She’s a beautiful baby and you suppose he could see pictures of his own child, he’s missed out on enough, hasn’t he?

“This is when she was born. I did a water birth,” you show him a picture of you holding her, umbilical cord still attached, “My medical staff was great,”

Then you slid through the album showing him other pictures absolutely adoring your daughter and how cute she is

“This is the first time she smiled at me,” you look at him and you can see the sparkle in his eyes as he stares at the screen. There was a gentle smile on his lips, registering in his mind that this little human was a piece of him.

“She’s a sweet baby. Doesn’t really cry, she’s a squealer when she laughs,”

You play videos of her giggling and babbling and he is instantly in love, seeing this look on his face stirs a guilt inside of you that you never felt before. Maybe he should have known. Things could have been resolved by now had you not been selfish.

But there’s that nagging little voice telling you that you deserved to be selfish at least once in your life. It felt like your mind was in a blender.

“What’s her name?,” he looks to you hopefully. Were you ready to give him that information? It’s silly but the more he knows, the easier it will be for him to tear down the walls you built around yourself. It’ll make it easier for him to weasel his way into the picture again and you weren’t sure yet if you wanted to keep this a co-parenting arrangement or what.

“You don’t have to tell me right now,” he sees the hesitation on your face.

“Noelle,” you answer softly, “Her name is Noelle. I named her after you. But we also call her Sunshine, Plum or Noey, that one’s new,”

He broke out in the brightest smile you’d ever seen. You missed that smile, those beautiful lips framing his beautiful teeth. It was a smile that once brought you peace that is now bringing confusion.

“That’s…,” he gives a breathy chuckle, using his fingers to press into his eyes to keep the tears at bay, “That’s lovely,”

“Yeah, look at who her mom is,” you flip your hair as a joke and suddenly the tension isn’t as heavy. You’re supposed to be icy right now but the hopeless romantic within you is fighting the broken-hearted girl. One could only guess who is winning.

“Yeah, exactly,” Noah is seen getting nervous as the conversation progresses, he doesn’t know what questions are off limits, “So what are you up to these days? You’re not at the library anymore,”

“You looked for me at the library?,” you frown. You left that place a long time ago.

“I sat out on the bench everyday for at least three months before we had to leave for tour,”

Why couldn’t he give you that energy before? Where he used to meet you outside on the bench after you got off, sometimes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and sometimes with your favorite take out and you’d have little date nights on the library bench. Why did that flame have to die?

Was life about to present you with new, better tools? Improved ways to bring it back? To make it a raging forest fire that can’t be put out? A lover like you can only hope.

“I work from home. With finding out about Noelle I needed something relaxed, I’m still in the field of library science. I work as an analyst,”

His eyebrows perked up, just like the first time you two ever met when you told him what you did for a living. His interest now was a big 180 from last year.

“Y/N that’s.. that’s amazing,” he leans forward, prompting you to talk about it more. You go on and on about your job, about how cool it is to you and he sat there and listened. Not once did he break eye contact, he interacted with the conversation and it felt like things were how they used to be.

“How’s the Bad Omens life?,” you ask, finally getting winded from talking about yourself.

Noah plasters a look of pride on his face. You wanted so badly to keep up with them but that would do you a disservice while trying to mend what was hurting you.

“It’s great! We’re blowing up, so many more places we can tour now, merch sales are off the hook. We have a new one dropping soon and I uh… I designed one for Noelle, I’ll just need her size,”

His words caught you off guard. How does he have something planned for her already?

“Noah,” he’s got you swooning so easily. This was your Noah.

Snap out of it, Y/N!

If he’s serious, make him work for it.

“I think it’s pretty cute! Nicholas and I brainstormed on it together, it’s a Bad Omens x Noelle exclusive,”

The laughter that escaped you was a melody Noah thought he’d never hear again. When it dies down, his mouth begins to itch with a question he’s been wondering for a long time now.

“Are you,” he clears his throat, “Are you seeing anyone?,”

Your eyes flicker at his question, adjusting in your seat. Snatching the cup of water that was on the table, looking him in his eyes when you set it down after a sip.

“I told you,” tongue in cheek, playing with your fingers to ease your mind, “I wouldn’t be able to fall in love with anyone else. You were it for me,”

You search his eyes, wanting to cry for the sole basis that you never thought you’d see them again. They were the eyes you looked to whenever you were desolate, excited, or livid. No matter what you were feeling you could simply look at him and he was always there, until he wasn’t.

“I meant it when I said I loved you and you fucking sat there and told me that you didn’t love me like you used to,”

“I don’t know why I said that-,”

“It gutted me,” anguish covers your face like a mask, trying to keep yourself from crying while that night replays in your mind like a movie, “You just sat there like it didn’t even hurt you,”

“It hurt me like you wouldn’t believe,” he persisted

“So why didn’t you try?,” your lip hurts from biting it so hard, if you don’t stop it’ll bleed soon enough, “I gave you so much of me, even up until I couldn’t, when I had nothing left and you just… sat there!,”

“I was an idiot,” he admitted, “I fucked up when I decided to love my career more than anything. I messed up when I let it weigh me down,”

“I don’t care that you loved your career, Noah. I cared whether you showed up for us or not. You did until you became complacent,”

“I know I didn’t,” he answers, “I know I didn’t try hard enough. I know I gave up too quickly and those decisions have been haunting me every fucking day. I know I made this bed but I don’t wanna lie in it anymore,”

Taking a napkin from the table to wipe your eyes, you look around to make sure no one is looking at you. You thought in your mind that you’d be stronger but deep down, you expected the tears even though it’s embarrassing to be this emotional in public.

“Were you even honest with everyone or did you make me the villain?,”

“I told them it was mutual,” he confesses in shame.

Choking on your sobs, you shake your head and just look out the window, “So you made them think I just skipped town? That’s so fucked up, Noah. I would have never done that to you,”

“I will tell them the truth,” He panicked, “I don’t know why I lied to them I just… I knew they’d make the guilt worse and I figured the damage was done. I knew if they knew the truth they’d make me reach out but after that I didn’t have the right to reach out to fix it,”

There’s a silence that floats between you two after his words. The culpability of hurting you ate at him while the heartache gnawed away at you.

Both were parasites feeding on their hosts. Ruining their lives, doing their best to reduce them to nothing.

The parasitism ends here though.

“If-” you hiccup, gathering your things, “If you want even a sliver of a chance of being in Noelle’s life… of us getting back together, of us being a family… then you’ll start with being honest with our friends,”

Noah was so anxious that he just might throw up. He wanted you back and he didn’t want to miss out on having a family. He’s missed out on enough due to his own transgressions.

It took Noah a few days to muster up the strength to tell everyone. Every time he tried, he stumbled over his words and gave up. He had to do this though, it wasn’t fair to lie on your name to save his face.

Noah found himself with the guys, all gathered for game night. Snacks spread out all over the table, Folio was high, laughing while throwing a squid at Matt on the course, fucking up Matt’s winning streak. All of them were having a good time but Noah couldn’t focus on having fun, what he was about to confess wasn’t fun by any means. After a few rounds of Mario Kart, he paused the game and sighed, many groans of dismay being heard around the living room.

“What’s your problem?,” Jolly questioned, “I was about to whoop your ass on the Bone-Dry Dunes!,”

Noah felt his breathing pick up. It was now or never.

“It wasn’t mutual,” he blurts out, heart racing in his chest, he can hear his blood rushing in his ears.

“The fuck are you talking about?,” Folio burps obnoxiously loud and Bryan kicks him for being gross about it.

“Y/N and I, the break up wasn’t mutual,” he finds his switch controller a lot more interesting than the feeling of their eyes burning holes into his skin.

“Again, that begs the question… what the fuck are you talking about?,” Matt’s voice sounds strained, like he knows and is getting irritated with the suspense.

“Before she left. I told her that I didn’t love her like I used to. I got overwhelmed with the band. I was… I got deep in my head and started to self sabotage. I neglected her and I fucked up,”

A stillness dresses the air, Noah can feel the tension. He can’t bring himself to look up and see their expressions, he’s ashamed, he should be. How did he go so long with this secret? How did he go about his life knowing he broke the trust of one of the sweetest souls that walked this Earth?

“Woah…,” Davis muttered in a daze. His single word response was enough to have all hell breaking loose.

“I’m going to kick your fucking ass!,” Nicholas threw his controller at Noah, heat from his frustration reddening his cheeks, “Are you fucking kidding me, Noah? Is that why she ran off?,”

“That’s exactly why,” he nodded, cursing at himself. He feels so embarrassed to say it out loud. This is the first he’s ever admitted this outside of therapy. These are people that mattered, people whose opinions mattered the most.

Matt sat up like he’d seen a ghost, a light bulb moment happening for him, “That’s why she didn’t tell you about the baby,”

“BABY?!,” Folio screeched, “where the fuck was I?!,” Hands stuck out as if to gesture “wtf” Folio was always ten steps behind everyone else, even when he was in the room at the time of conversations.

“You were super high, you passed out,” Jolly waved at him to shut up, turning to Noah, “You’re our brother which means I have to be honest. That is a dick ass move, Noah. She was nothing but patient with you. She loved you, supported you even when it was hard because you were gone all the time. What the fuck?,”

“She was always there no matter what you needed,” Bryan added, while it took a while for you to open up to everyone, when you did, they became your little family, “She was always there for you, always there for us,”

“I miss when she packed our lunches for the studio,” Folio sighed like he was daydreaming. Once again finding it hard to read the room.

“Not the time!,” Nicholas gritted through his teeth

“I’m just saying!,” Folio defended, “She took care of all of us,”

Nicholas stuck out his hand to shut Folio up. If there was anyone up in arms about this, it was him. They all became your family and it hurt them when you left without a word. Now that he knows the full story, it makes him livid to know it was Noah who pushed you away. This could have been avoided.

“We were worried sick about her, Noah!,” Nicholas was more upset than any of them, and that’s saying a lot, the others were quite upset, “That girl who stuttered over her words the first time she met you still stuttered after years of being with you because she loved you, because you still made her nervous! After years of being with you she was still smitten and because of the stress.. you… y-you say that shit to her?,”

Noah really had no rebuttal. He knew Nicholas was right. There were no words for him to defend himself with. It almost brought him to tears, unsettled by his own behavior and now that other people know… now that the people closest to him know- it changes everything and forces him to reflect even more.

“Instead of talking to her, talking to us to keep you from doing something so stupid- instead of doing.. anything! You pull a coward ass move!,”

Nicholas viewed you as if you were a younger sibling, taking you under his wing, understanding your reclusive personality. He was the first person you connected to outside of Noah. He had a feeling when he only ever got vague answers when asking about the break up.

“It was time I was honest. I want to make this right with her. I want a chance to see my daughter and be a dad but it starts with honesty.” Noah mumbled, “I just want her back and I want a second chance whether I deserve it or not. I want to be there for Y/N like I always should have been. I want to be there for Noelle. I’m sorry it took so long to come clean.”

“Yeah?,” Matt’s jaw clenches as he ponders what has been said. He has his own thoughts regarding the matter but Nicholas seemed to cover them all for the most part, “I hope she makes you work like hell for it!,”

All Noah can really do is agree, they’re right. He was a coward, he did take the easy way out instead of facing his own problems and insecurities, and you should make him work like hell to get you back, to earn his place in Noelle’s life.

“Noelle,” Folio trails off, giggling to himself as he says the name, “Noeeeellee,”

“Dude, shut the fuck up!,” Jolly shouted with a bit of laughter layered underneath, Folio is such an airhead, it’s hard to have serious conversations like this around him. At least it eases some tension.

“It’s a cute name!!,”

“She’s an adorable baby,” Matt confirmed, “I only got a glimpse of her but she looks just like Noah,”

“Nah,” Noah shook his head, “She has my eyes but she has the curl of Y/N’s lashes. She has my lips but she has her mama’s chin. She has my dimples but Y/N’s cheeks. She’s both Y/N and me. She’s beautiful,”

Davis scoffs, raising his eyes, “Well you better get your shit together,”

“Yeah! I’m ready to be one kick ass uncle!,”

“Shut up, Folio!,”

You had taken it upon yourself to unblock everyone, figuring that if Noah told them the truth that they’d want to reach out, which they did.

It was scary at first, Noah had been a coward but you had your cowardly moments as well. Running off and not saying a word to people who cared about you- it wasn’t the nicest thing to do. Going through this with Noah had you realizing there are some things you would have done differently. This is a time of self reflection for everyone.

Although you’d been talking with them over the last week or so, you didn’t let the conversation stray too far from how you were doing. You weren’t ready to introduce them to Noelle or the idea of her just yet, you’re sure Noah has talked about her a bunch but you didn’t want to get too close to everyone again as of right now.

Ms. Ernie and Reid have been watching Noelle while you and Noah rebuild yourselves.

Dates that you made sure to let him know weren’t ‘actual dates’, walks at the park that turned into introspective discussions. It was all a work in progress and it made Ms. Ernie’s words hit even harder, there’s a lot to learn about love and that sometimes second chances are worth it.

You made him work like hell, but he was doing pretty well. He had different plans each day you guys hung out. He was attentive. He was gentle, he even told you about what he and his therapist talked about after each session.

In reality, you could tell he was doing better. You still had some reservations and there was still a long way to go but ultimately he was making a true effort. You could see the change he was making. Granted, it was a change that should have happened a long time ago but things happen the way they’re supposed to and when they’re supposed to.

That sentiment itself was a hard pill to swallow.

Today he took you on a picnic in the park, packed your favorite foods and drinks. He was really laying it on thick, others might find it cringe but it was making your heart flutter.

“I never did thank you, for telling them the truth,” popping a grape in your mouth, “I know it wasn’t easy,”

“It needed to happen. I knew better and I shouldn’t have lied to them but most importantly, I shouldn’t have lied on you. I was a coward and that’s not who I want to be to you… or Noey,”

A pleasant hum emitted from your chest, brows raising at the nickname that left his mouth.

“That one seemed to stick, huh?,”

“Noey is different… and it’s super close to Noah,”

“Noelle is already close to Noah!,” you bicker, both of you in high spirits while you go back and forth

“Noah has four letters and so does Noey,”

“Oh you’re such a kiss ass!,” you push him and he falls over dramatically.

“Help! Someone help!,” he shouted, feigning like he was injured

“Oh my God, Noah, stop! Someone is gonna think you’re serious!,” you reach over him to cover his mouth but he licks it and you squeal

“EEUUUGHHH!! You’re so gross!!,” you yank your hand back, he’s laughing like a hyena. Eyes wrinkling, hand in his chest and head thrown back.

“You used to do that to me all the time!” Justifying his action, you stick your tongue out at him while wiping your wet palm on his cheek

“Which means you can’t steal my move!,”

It was tense the first couple of meet ups and each one gets you closer to bringing Noelle around. These past couple of times had broken the ice and it started to feel like time hadn’t passed.

“Hey uhm, are you?- do you still live at the house?”

Noah settles down, feeling the energy shift to something a little more serious.

“Yeah. Didn’t have the guts to move. Why?,”

You twist grapeless vine in your hands, afraid to say the words now that you’re feeling comfortable to bring it up. It’s about 2 months of this and Noelle is a little over 6 months now.

“I’d like to bring Noelle by,”

Noah struggled for air, coughing up his drink and you can’t help but snicker at the liquid dripping off his chin.

“What?,” his eyes are as big as saucers

“Unless you’re not ready. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,”

“No! No, I.. Y/N you have no idea how much I would love that,”

If you weren’t mistaken, you swear you see tears welling in his eyes

“I’d love to meet my daughter,”

This was a big step for you and an even bigger one for Noah. Both of you were scared beyond your wits.

“I’d like for it to just be us and then we can work up to getting the guys to meet her? And then you can meet Ms. Ernie, Reid and his husband, Morgan,”

You had to make sure to set some ground rules, Noah responded without any issues knowing that at the end of the day- you call the shots and he has to abide by them if he wants this to work. Yet despite feeling good about all of this, there’s still a smidge of uncertainty.

“What’s on your mind?,” even after all the time spent apart, reading you was like muscle memory.

“I still feel resentful,” you look to him to see his shoulders sagging, “I know you’re tired of it,”

“I don’t expect you to get over any of this anytime soon. In a way, you’re grieving and I can’t police how long you mourn. I can only help ease it,”

You didn’t really think of what you were going through as mourning but you guess you can see the similarities. What you two had was long gone and even in the face of starting over, albeit with the same person, you were still allowed to miss how things were and feel a bit out of sorts about what happened.

“It’s just,” you watch his hands as he picks at his palms, a nervous tick he’s always had. You’re once again feeling a sort of guilt making him feel like this but it’s a price he has to pay, right? You didn’t ask to be hurt to begin with.

“Resentment is so weird. I want to forgive you, Noah. So fucking bad I want to forgive you because I can’t keep doing this with you, I wish I could forget so I could just… hug you, kiss you, hold your hand like we used to,”

“You set the pace, Y/N. I told you no matter what, I respect it. I wish I could take it all back. God, I wish there was a way for me to go back so I didn’t fuck up and hurt you,”

“And my mind is struggling to comprehend why the fuck you would do that to me,” anger bleeds into your tone.

Noah is seen blubbering like a fish out of water as he tries to find his words. You can see the cogs turning in his mind, recalling the very night he ruined what you two had.

“There’s no explanation,” he declared, there was nothing good enough to excuse why he did what he did.

“No excuse, no reasoning that will ever be good enough for what I said to you. For how I treated you. It was unacceptable and there are no words to describe how apologetic I am. All I can say is, is that I’m so thankful you’re here, even giving me this chance,”

“You were all I could think about,” turning your body to him, he needed to know the turmoil you endured, “You hadn’t touched me in almost 3 months by the night I left. I was so consumed with the stress I didn’t realize I missed my period. I went to the doctor and that’s when I heard our little girl’s heartbeat,”

It didn’t get past him that you finally said our daughter and not just “my”. At this point, he has turned to look at you, listening closely, making sure you knew he was paying attention.

“I moved to the countryside and that’s where I met Ms. Ernie and Reid. They were my people while I was managing heartbreak. Keeping myself physically and mentally healthy so I could bring Noelle into this world. You… you should have been there Noah, you could’ve been there,”

“I know,” he blinks, tears falling down his cheeks just like yours were, “I missed out on so much because I couldn’t get my own shit together,”

“I took that pain and restructured it to fuel me so I could be the best parent I could be. I never thought I’d be sitting here in front of you. I never expected to see you again. Ever. But despite all the alarm bells, I am so fucking glad I am because I missed you, Noah. But I hate you so much at the same time,”

His face fashioned that of anguish at your last few words. It was hurting him but he didn’t look away from you, he didn’t hide his eyes, he’s now feeling what you felt that night and then some.

The anxiety. The fear, the fucking aching that burned from his gut all the way up into his throat. The pounding in his head, the heat that blanketed his skin. He can’t believe he did this to you. He can’t believe he sat across from you at the table that night, watching you fall apart and still said what he said.

“I don’t know how you expect us to rebuild anything,” your voice flows into his ears and he can feel his chest tightening, finding it harder to keep his breathing at a normal pace.

“Hell, I don’t even know how I expect us to rebuild anything but I’m going to try because that’s what you should have done!,”

“I-I know. Fuck, I.. I’m aware,” taking a deep breath to try to swallow his cries.

“I’m going to do what you couldn’t do,” a wild fire burns behind your eyes and he realizes this is a new you. The soft spoken Y/N is still there but this version of you takes no shit. You have a daughter now, you had to build tough skin

“I’m going to prove to you that fighting for what you want isn’t a lost fucking cause. I’m going to show you that no matter what is going on in your head, no matter what the voices are telling you- that I am here and I will be here until we are dust returned to the universe, Noah,”

You hated to see the way he dug his fingernails into his palms and you wanted nothing more than to grab his hands to massage the tension and cramps away.

“I know this is eating at you,” you whisper, “For the longest time I wanted it to. But not anymore,”

A great tremor overtook him, flexing his jaw to ease the ache from clenching it so hard. He had to break eye contact just this once to look up at the sky to will the tears away.

“Just take a page out of my book and take what you’re feeling to change and be better. No more apologies. Don’t be sorry, be better,”

“You sure you got everything?,” Reid packed your diaper bag into the front while you buckled Noelle into her carseat.

“Yeah I got my cooler for the bricks. My pump, extra clothes, extra wipes-,” you continue to list other items and at this point you’re not listing them to Reid, you’re listing them because you’re scared. 

“You got this,” Ms. Ernie kisses your cheek and you look at her with worry, “Don’t look at me like that. You both are going to be okay. He’s been groveling for weeks on end, he’s been respectful, if you want to back out I’m sure he’d understand?,”

“No! No. I think I’m ready. She’s already 6 months old now, he deserves this much,” It’s crazy to think that you’ve been at this with Noah for about a few months now.

You’re wrapped in an embrace of them both, Reid whispering words of reassurance as he pulls away, helping you settle in the car.

“Let us know when you get there, okay?,” Ms. Ernie waves from her front step.

You assure her that you’ll do just that. A lively wave is sent their way as you pull out of the driveway to make it to a house that you once called home, a house that could have been a home for Noelle. 

You didn’t need a GPS, you’d never forget the way there even if you tried. You could drive there blindfolded. The drive really wasn’t that long and a part of you wishes it was because when you pull up your stomach is full of butterflies. 

He’s probably nervous too. Don’t stress about it. As if he was waiting by the door, he’s out on the porch, wiping his hands on a paper towel when you exit your vehicle.

“Need help with anything?,” a nervous smirk across his face, he looks like he’s going to throw up at any second.

“Wanna grab the diaper bag and cooler?,”

He didn’t give a verbal answer. He was already down the steps and to your car before you finished asking. You grabbed Noelle’s carrier and waited for him to get the other items. Seeing him with the lavender diaper bag on his shoulder stirred a feeling inside of you. He looked like a dad, he looked good. A yearn made itself present in your body, you just wanted to be a family.

“Follow me,” 

You could tell he was excited, excited but tense. He didn’t want to fuck this up. 

Once you’re settled in the house, he heads upstairs, mumbling that he’ll be right back. When taking your jacket off to hang it on the second hook on the back of the door, you realize the hook still has your name on it. He never took it off, this was your hook, everyone knew not to hang their things on it. And beside yours, you see one for Noelle. Noah, Y/N and Noelle. Your fingers brush against the names and a smile creeps on your face.

“I know she probably already has one but I figured it would be nice if she had one here. She’ll probably end up falling asleep depending on how long you stay,”

You turn around to see a lavender playpen with her name on the side.

“In a lot of the videos and pictures you showed me, she’s wearing lavender so..,”

“Noah,” you coo, stepping over to him, “That’s so sweet,” 

You turn to Noelle in her carrier and unbuckle her, “If you wanna go wash your hands, you can hold her,”

“Yeah?,” his eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas. He didn’t even wait for you to answer before he’s jogging into the kitchen to scrub his hands clean. About a good minute later he’s rushing back in but he seems hesitant. 

“Don’t worry,” you assure him, “I show her pictures just like I show you pictures. She knows you. She won’t really be fussy” 

You cradle her while handing her over to him.

“She likes to be held like this, just support her neck,” 

Noah takes her from you softly, his large hands make her seem so small, even at six months. He stares at her in awe and sits down gently. Noelle babbles at him, waving her hands and smiling. 

“Hiii, baby girl,” 

You can hear the tears as he speaks to her and you take a seat beside him, not bothered by how close you were.

“I’m your papa,” he chokes on his words, caressing her cheek with the back of his finger, “You’re so beautiful just like your mama,”

There weren’t many words said as Noah soaked in this moment with you watching. His breath is silently hitching from his tears but he only cries harder when Noelle reaches out and touches his cheek, seemingly wiping a tear away.

Noah sits back on the sofa, setting his feet flat on the cushion so he could lay Noelle on his thighs so that she was sitting up.

“You’re so sweet,” he kisses her hand, causing her to squeal and giggle. He looks to you with wide eyes and a bright smile

“You were right!,” 

“I told you!!,” you lean closer and watch the way Noelle is taking in the moment as well. She stares at Noah with a look of bewilderment, she’s never been around him physically yet relaxes into him like she’s known him since day one. She knows that’s her papa.

“Thank you,” he says simply, “I’m far from deserving but thank you so much, Y/N,”

“You deserve to be a dad, Noah. And she deserves one,”

“I won’t fuck this up,”

“You better not,” you poke his cheek, “Because she needs you… we both do,”

You let Noah record videos of him and her, letting him make up for lost time. He carefully danced around the living room with her while playing happy baby songs.

“I heard songs like this make them happy!,” he insisted. Each time she squealed he hugged her tighter, absolutely adoring the sound of his baby laughing with him. You couldn’t help but record some videos of your own, wanting to look back at this moment. 

The foundation still needed some work but what is life without the effort? What’s love without effort? He said he wouldn’t screw it up this time and you’re holding him to his word.

“She’s down for bed,” Noah comes down the stairs, heading to the kitchen to return with two mugs 

“She’s never fallen asleep that fast,” taking a mug from him, you smell your favorite tea in the way he used to make it. 

“Does she wake you up throughout the night? I can be on baby duty so you can rest. U-unless you planned on going home tonight. I can drive you home, I don’t want you driving while you’re tired,” he offered.

“Can we stay?,” circling the rim of your cup, finding the heat from your tea comforting. 

“You two always have a place here,” he sets the baby monitor on the table and takes a sip of his coffee. He was always a late night coffee drinker, at least it was decaf, he just liked the taste. 

There was a comfortable lull that fell over you two and sitting on this very couch in this living room felt like home, like you belonged here. You made a home out of the cabin in the countryside but *this… this is where you felt like you were meant to be. Drinking your warm beverages on the couch while your child slept, simply enjoying each other’s company.

Noah randomly stands up and turns the tv on. He’s getting a game console, plugging it up and connecting the remotes. You’re watching in confusion while he does this all as if he’s on a mission. 

Once he gets everything connected he pulls out a game case. 

Michael Jackson: The Experience

“Nooaaaaaah,” you say suspiciously, “What are you doing?,” setting your cup on the side table, you watch with a questioning frown when he moves the coffee table

“Stand up,” insisting with a wide grin, he takes your hand despite your wariness

“What are we doing, Sebastian?” 

“We’re putting all those nights practicing with the music videos to use. I scored these at a yard sale and figured we could dance to some good ole Michael like we used to,” 

He hands you a Wii remote and the butterflies erupt again, spotting the same broken lampshade that he still hasn’t gotten rid of. 

“You think you still got it?,” you tease, wrapping the band around your wrist. 

He scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes, “You wish I lost it,” 

“Put your money where your mouth is,” 

He side eyes you with a little smirk, choosing the song he wanted to dance to. You expected Thriller, hell maybe even Ghosts. But he surprised you when he chose Do You Remember the Time

“If I win. I get to take you out on a romantic date,” he sighs triumphantly, he knows since you two started to rebuild something new, you didn’t want to get too romantic just yet.

“Okay,” you nod confidently, much to his surprise, “But if I win… you’re on baby duty for a night. That means getting up to feed her, change her diaper, cuddle-,”

“All I’m seeing is a win-win situation here,” turning back to the screen he hits play, “Bring your A game. I’ve been practicing for this very moment,” 

He says it as if he’s joking but he was serious. This was a song you two spent many nights listening to, belting it at the top of your lungs during late night drives, to dancing in the kitchen to it after date night. 

This little gesture may seem like just a night of dancing to a game to you but it was much more to him. So when the gold room appeared on the screen after picking your characters, he became timorous.

The beat begins and you feel a little silly following the movements at first. You hadn’t danced with Noah in ages but he probably feels just as goofy. You notice him missing a few beats and peak to see him adoring you, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, the way your eyes move across the screen, trying to focus.

“You’re not gonna win if you keep staring at me, Sebastian!,” 

“Fuck!,”

~Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then~

You trip over your feet as the dance begins to incorporate footwork, glaring at Noah when you hear him laughing at you.

~Do you remember, back in the fall? We’d be together all day long~

You bend your knees and shimmy your feet along the carpet while Noah stands tall and moves in the opposite direction over you. Feeling him this close, despite just playing a game, had your heart palpitating. 

You never thought you’d have nights like this again. With anyone, let alone Noah. 

You hear Noah singing to himself while he follows the dance moves to a T, seeing his score get higher than yours had you ready to wreck his streak.

“Do you remember the time when weeee first met, girl?” He sang obnoxiously while looking at you, purposely singing off key. You snicker at his expressions, missing a move but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

Noah seemed so carefree and comfortable in this moment that it started to overshadow what had once hurt you, somewhat putting it on the back burner. 

~Those sweet memories, will always be dear to me~

You and Noah are now face to face, chest to chest, you two seemed to forget the game. Both of you breathing heavily from laughing and going all out on the dance moves.

“You’re gonna lose,” you pipe up, turning around to focus back on the game. You knew that if you stood there any longer you’d have kissed him. 

Noah seemed to snap out of his daze, immediately hopping back into where he was. You have to squat in front of him for the next move and it seems to last forever, feeling the burn like you’re in the gym.

“Oh my God!,” groaning in relief when you’re finally able to move from your position but the relief doesn’t last long when you’re made to go back, moving your arms up and feeling his hands touch yours. 

It sounds dramatic but you swear you feel a little tingle when he touches you. Maybe it was static or maybe it was the fact you missed his touch. A sensation that you felt so safe in, so comfortable and loved. 

You two slide away from each other, swinging your arms back and forth. You’re still following the screen but Noah decides to freestyle. Falling to his knees to sing the song to you, you’d worry about waking Noelle up but she was a deep sleeper. 

“Do you remember girl?,” he holds his fists up, singing passionately, “On the phone! You and me!! Till dawn, 2 or 3. What about us, GIRL!!,” 

You can’t help but throw your head back in entertainment at his dramatics. He was a performer for sure.

“Do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya- in the park, on the beach! You and me, in Spain! What about, what about- rrrap tap tap, rrrap tap tap!,”

His ad libs bounce off the walls and you’re losing it.

“You look insane!,” you say over his off-key singing. 

He continues to sing despite your judgment, standing up and grabbing you by the shoulders, shaking you playfully

“Yeah! Yeah! Wooo!!,” 

The game is now complete and you fall back on the couch to catch your breath.

“I freestyled and I STILL won!,” he claps and points at you, “Pick out your prettiest dress, doll face because we’re going on a DATE!,” 

He stands in front of you, hands on his hips in victory and all you can do is cherish the view.

“Come here,” you stand before him, hearing your heart pound in your ears as he steps forward until his chest is level with your eyes, his famous chain glinting in the light on the room.

“What’s up?,” the confidence he just displayed was now replaced with diffidence. 

“You better not hurt me again,” it was strange being this close to him, “If you hurt me you’ll not only lose me but Sunshine as well and I don’t want that for her. So if this is going to happen- you talk to me when your insecurities set in. You talk to me before you self sabotage. You talk to me no matter what so that you continue to show up for our little girl. Do you understand me?,”

Noah nods his head so quickly that you think it just might fall off and roll away.

“I understand. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I love you and I love our baby. I was a fool to fuck up the first time. I won’t be that again,” 

“Good,” you nod, stepping away before patting his cheek with a sly grin.

“Because you’re on baby duty tonight,” 

His jaw drops at your antics, he doesn’t mind really. He’s starting to feel like an actual father now.

“But I won!!,”

You wake up abruptly to Noelle screeching, a type of cry you’ve never heard before and you turn to see Noah’s spot empty. Scrambling to get out of bed, you rush downstairs to see him panicking, tears in his eyes and red in the face

“I’m sorry,” he muttered to her, frantically trying to calm her 

“What happened??,” you kept your composure, not wanting to stress him out anymore than he already is. He hands you Noelle and he pulls at his roots, absolutely distraught and upset with himself.

“She was hungry and I… I heated up her milk for too long. Fuck, Y/N I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-,”

“Noah,” a soft hand on his chest, “It happens. She’s okay,” 

“I made her cry,” 

“She’s okay,” you reassure, “See,” you wipe her tears and she’s just left whimpering now.

You take his hand to sit him down at the table and give Noelle back to him despite his fear

“Don’t tense up. She’ll feel it and become fussy. Relax,” 

He took heed to your words, relaxing so that Noelle could follow suit.

“I should have put a brick in the fridge to thaw,” you mention, “I usually do if I know I’ll be too tired to breastfeed but I was exhausted so it slipped my mind. A brick will usually thaw in the fridge overnight and when it’s time, just set it in a cup of warm water for a few minutes and you’ll be good to go,” 

You take her bottle and run it under some cool water, testing it on your wrist, deeming it cool yet warm enough for her to drink. You sit beside Noah and hand him the bottle. 

“Here, you’re all set. 45 degree angle while she drinks,” you instruct. He follows your words and Noelle hums around the bottle, cuddling into Noah’s shirtless chest, “She likes skin to skin contact while feeding. Now she’ll really know you’re her papa,” 

You realize this is the same table he broke your heart at, tracing the pattern of the mahogany wood. You wouldn’t let that night haunt you anymore. Here’s to new memories. Now, this table will be remembered as the table that he fed your daughter for the first time, a learning experience for him. 

“I’m so sorry for hurting you, honey,” he whispered to her, kissing her forehead while her eyes fluttered sleepily, “I’m still learning but it won’t happen again,” 

You know his words were directed to you as well, finding solace in the reassurance. 

Once you teach him to burp her, the three of you make your way upstairs and back to bed.

“You can put her in the crib,” climbing into the bed that was once yours to claim. He took the time to build her crib and didn’t even wanna put her in it.

“I will once I’m ready to sleep, I just want to spend time with her is all,” 

Despite the infant sleeping, he wasn’t ready to put her down. His hair was thrown all over his head, his eyes here heavy but he was willing to fight sleep just to hold her in his arms for as long as he could. 

“I missed out on enough, I just wanna hold her,” 

“Okay,” you nod, sitting up and scooting closer to rest your head on his shoulder, “Sing, you are my sunshine, to her. It’s her favorite song and I think she would like to hear it from you,” 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” he begins with ease, “You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,” 

“You are my star shine,” you add in, “My only star shine,” 

You reach over to hold her small hand, resting your hand on his chest,

“I love you so much, each night and day,” 

Noah leans his head on yours, finding comfort in the words you sing. 

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my star shine away,” 

You look up to Noah, refusing to move your head off his shoulder so he rears back to look at you, your face being illuminated by the little nightlight you had plugged in for Noelle.

“You are my love shine, my only love shine,” he sings lowly, surprising you that he even knows the third verse of the nursery rhyme, “I miss you so much when you’re away,” 

The smile that appeared on your face was one he’ll never forget, especially when you begin to harmonize with him quietly, watching the way Noelle snuggles into his chest as if she can’t get close enough to him. 

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,” you two sing together, curling into him even more when he plants a kiss on the crown of your head.

“Please don’t take my love shine awaaaay,” 

Days had passed since that night. You and Noah alternate every couple of nights of whose place to stay at. He finally got the pleasure of meeting Ms. Ernie and Reid officially, offering his gratitude to the people who kept you and Noelle safe when he fell short. Despite his own shortcomings, they welcomed him with open arms. 

Reid currently had Noelle in the living room, both of them watching some cartoon movie while Ms. Ernie helped you with your hair, preparing for the night Noah had planned for you. 

“Do I look like I’m trying too hard?,” you turn to her, concern painted all over your face.

“You look like a beautiful youngin who is about to steal the heart of the love of their life,” 

“You flatter me,”

“Well it’s true,” she boops your nose and tucks your hair behind your ear, “You’re going to have fun!,” 

Noah wouldn’t exactly tell you what he had planned. He just said to dress in something comfortable and cute, so you stepped out of your comfort zone, going with a light floral dress, styling your hair to your comfort and a light face of makeup. 

When you heard the doorbell to your cabin go off, your stomach sank.

“Oh goodness!!,” turning to the smiling woman above you, “He’s here!! He’s 10 minutes early!,”

A light rumble comes from her, shaking her head and standing you up, “You would have still freaked out even if he showed up on time. Head up there!,”

You didn’t have time to respond due to the doorbell ringing again. A nervous Noah stood on the other side, worried that maybe you changed your mind. When the door swung open, both of you were speechless. 

You stood there, radiant as ever with Noelle in your arms. A nervous grin framed your teeth and Noah watched as you rubbed Noelle’s back, not for her comfort but for yours. You were antsy. Just as beautiful as the first day he met you when he knocked your bus token out of your hand.

Noah stood there in a plain, white shirt tucked into a pair of sleek black joggers. You noticed he cut his hair, cutting the sides short and keeping the top longer. He recreated the outfit he wore when you two first bumped into each other.

“Hi,” your throat tight around the simple word.

“H-hi,” he had a hand behind his back and stuck the other out, “Nice to meet you, my name is Noah,” 

You frown at his words until you realize this is a reintroduction.

“Hi, Noah. My name is Y/N and it’s wonderful to meet you,” 

Both of you are similar to giddy teenagers falling in love for the first time. He handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers and you were quick to gasp. You loved flowers, you loved it even more when he gifted them to you.

Inviting him in, Noelle was quick to reach for him and he spun her around while you retrieved the glass milk bottle you received from Ms. Ernie to use as a vase.

“Looking gooooood!,” the elderly woman entered the room and pinched Noah’s cheek lightly.

“I can clean up nice!,” 

Reid entered the space and gave his compliments to the both of you and caught sight of the flowers, nudging Noah.

“Nice choice,” he whispered.

Once both of you give Noelle a ton of kisses, Noah takes your hand and guides you out to the car so you all could get your evening started.

“You gonna tell me what you have planned yet?,” hounding him as he begins to drive. 

“Dinner,” he answers, a smirk on his face to tell you that it wasn’t just dinner.

“Why so cryptic?” you poke him

“Relaaaaax,” he reaches over to grab your hand and squeeze. The two of you missing this simple gesture, feeling safe like this, like all will be okay, it will- but you’ll never get tired of the warm feeling of security. 

Noah took you out to your favorite restaurant, a nice night of expensive wine and taking bites of the other’s food. A bunch of blushing, a bunch of butterflies, laughter and unspoken I love yous. 

Now you find yourself with your hand in his, strolling downtown, him insisting that the night isn’t over. When you stop walking, you peer up to him and see an uncertain smirk on his face. Looking up to the sign on the building, you see what he had planned.

“Kiln of Sunshine,” you read aloud, “Couple’s pottery?”

All he does is laugh at your surprise and leads you inside. There aren’t many couples but it’s a nice intimate place. Dim lights strung up on the ceiling, custom printed aprons with your names on it, which he helps you put on and tie. 

When you’re directed to your designated spots, he sits behind you while you sit in front of the wheel.

“Welcome to the Kiln of Sunshine! We are a couple of potters who met through our love of art,” a young woman stands in front of the class, it’s hard to listen when Noah is so close like this. He still makes you so damn nervous.

“We created this abode to help other couples not only find a new hobby, but also grow together by means of communication and teamwork through making art!” The woman’s husband added with excitement. 

You look over your shoulder to see Noah already looking at you

“You look so beautiful,” he whispers. You have to tuck your chin into your shoulder to hide the fact your face was burning up at his compliment. 

The couple teaching gives you all step by step instructions to begin and then it’s just you and Noah left to your own devices. They gave you the guidelines but now it’s up to you and Noah to decide what you two create.

Much like a relationship. 

“Here, let’s try this,” Noah’s large, clay covered hands form to yours, his chin resting on your shoulder, “Pinch here,”

“Maybe we should coil instead,” suggesting lightly. 

“Okay, yeah,” he nods, taking in your point of view, “I think it’ll turn out better that way,”

Noah hands you the wet sponge, watching the way your tongue sticks out from your lips as you concentrate. 

“I brought us here because I came to a lot of conclusions during our time apart,” his body frames yours like a puzzle piece, after a while, instead of you taking the lead, you let his hands guide yours now.

“Yeah?,” 

“Pottery teaches us a lot about accepting faults- appreciating the imperfections and flaws that can turn into something beautiful,” he moves your hands to pinch the clay in certain spots and watch your piece come to life. 

“Furthermore, we have patience and persistence- pottery, like relationships, demands patience at every turn. To keep going in the face of difficulties, even if you don’t see the results right away. It takes time to mold something beautiful” 

Noah kept going and you’d be lying if his words weren’t tear jerking. While you two were rekindling, you had some introspective moments of your own. Realizing that there are some things you could have done differently yourself. Especially since finding out about the mental battles he was facing during the last few months of your relationship, which caused him to break it off.

You were so caught up in your own mind that you didn’t realize Noah’s actions were due to the fact that it wasn’t Noah- he pulled back from you because he was trying to figure his own labyrinthine mind out, that’s why he kept asking for time, he just felt ashamed to say it out loud. 

Both of you got time, even if it wasn’t in the most ideal form.

“I’m still learning and growing and I know I have a long way to go for you to fully trust me because of those faults, but I’m patient and I’m not going anywhere,” 

You felt him kiss your shoulder, causing goosebumps to flourish on your skin.

“Well… maybe we won’t need the water bowl to wet the sponge anymore since you’ve got me crying over here!,” 

The laughter that erupts from the two of you is boisterous, providing comedic relief in the midst of him expressing his emotions. 

“You two are doing great over here!!,” the instructor complimented the piece the two of you were crafting.

You felt the swell of pride in your chest because whether she was talking about your pottery piece or not, you and Noah are doing great.

The night progressed beautifully. You had to leave your piece at the place overnight so it could get fired and glazed before you took it home to decorate yourselves. So, Noah took you on a stroll, your hand in his, taking in the view of the pretty lights set up downtown. Finding yourselves in front of the big fountain in the center, you stick your hand out to him

“C’mon, big money. Hand over a quarter,” 

He quickly digs in his pocket and hands you a shiny coin in which you hold up to your mouth, whispering to it before throwing it in the fountain. The light plopping sound it made was satisfying to you.

“What did you wish for?,”

You notice him taking his shoes and socks off, rolling up his pant legs and you feel suspicion rising in your belly.

“That would beat the purpose of a wish!,” 

“Take your shoes off,” 

“No! I know what you’re about to do and I spent too much time on my hair and make up!,”

Noah sat you down on the edge of the fountain, removing your shoes for you

“You know that you don’t need your makeup and hair all done up for me to find you absolutely breathtaking… right?,” 

He gives you no time to reply before he’s standing you up and bringing you into the fountain, twirling you around under the raining streams. 

“Noah we’re gonna get in trouble!!,” squealing in his arms, trying to get out of them. He sets you down but before you can scold him, his wet hands are framing your face to pull you in for the long awaited kiss that he’s been wanting to give you since the day you left. 

You felt like you were in a movie. The hopeless romantic that lived within you was thriving. You were stuck in your spot for a second, realizing that since starting over, this is your first kiss and he made it so damn romantic. Pulling him in by his shirt, your lips follow his, flowing with the same desire and unspoken words.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

We’re going to be okay.

I don’t hate you

I love you.

I always will.

Damning your own instinctive need to breathe, you pull away from him, pressing your fingertips to your lips, still completely shocked by it all.

“I’m sorry I just… I couldn’t fight it anymore,” he looked so ethereal, wet hair sticking to his face, droplets on his cheeks and big, brown eyes staring back at you with blown pupils.

“Until the day we are returned to dust to the universe, I will love you and cherish you. I will be what I should have always been. And even then… even after we are just dust- I will find you in another timeline and continue to be that and more”

Life is a beautiful thing now. It was no longer grey and neither of you felt like you were just getting by, you were finally living. 

You didn’t want to give up your cabin, so despite all the memories the house back in the city had, you two decided to make more memories out here.

Your house was full now, filled with friends you missed dearly, all of them soaking up time with Noelle, getting used to being uncles. 

“Nuh uh!,” Noah shouts, “Folio, wash your hands before holding her,” 

“What the hell! I just did!!,” he defended, arms halfway out, ready to reach for his niece.

“Not long enough! Sing happy birthday twice if you have to- and don’t swear around my daughter!,” 

Noah fit the dad role real well. He was proud to be the father of your child. He doted on Noelle, always took pictures with her, sang to her (a lot better than you ever did) and though Noah had a love for the city, he loved being out here with you two, taking her on daily walks around the countryside while you tended to the chickens and garden. 

You thought he’d put up a bigger fight due to his career but- things were simple out here and being out here made him feel normal and domestic. This is what life was always supposed to feel like and it’s what the two of you had always envisioned. 

“Everyone get ready, dinner’s almost finished!,” Ms. Ernie hollered. She loved the guys, it didn't take long for her to warm up to people and just like she took you under her wing, she did the same for them. She even listens to their music now, she says Hedonist is her favorite. 

Folio doesn’t care to make his plate now that he has Noelle, making her squeal and laugh at his silly faces. 

Matt bumps you as he moves past you to get a drink out of your fridge, “I told you he wouldn’t take her from you,” 

“You only get one ‘I told you so’ in our friendship and you used it well. Thanks, Matty,” 

During the time you and Noah were reconnecting, you had to rebuild your friendships with the guys as well. You and Matt now have your farmer’s market dates back. You, Jolly, Davis and Folio have your bowling on Thursday nights while you and Bryan go to the movies every Tuesday because they’re half off. And Nicholas- the one who truly is like a brother, both of you had your chess game that you abandoned but he kept the board set in hopes that one day you’ll come back. 

He taught you how to play ages ago and when you finally got the hang of it, you two matched all the time, some matches going for days, this match being the longest ever due to a hiatus. 

He had the board with him, setting it up on the counter, both of you moving your pieces throughout the day.

“I know how to beat you,” staring at the board, he comes to stand beside you.

“Yeah?,” grinning as if he wasn’t about to lose.

“You have nowhere to go, Nicky,” you pick your Queen up, moving her to h5, threatening his f7. You watch him frown at your movements and you have to hide the smirk on your face. If you win, you’ll no longer be tied. 

You move your Queen to take his f7 and you check his king.

“No!,”

“Checkmate!,” clapping in victory, you jump up and down, “I still got it!!,”

“You got lucky!,” 

Despite him losing, he was always a good sport. He did teach you after all.

After dinner, Reid provided dessert, topped with a delicious honey glaze he made from his bees. Matt started a fire pit outside which left only you, Noah and Noelle in the kitchen as you two arranged to put her down for bed. He had her wrapped up against his chest while you prepared his coffee and your tea.

Noelle cooed against his chest, eyes fluttering and trying to fight sleep.

“I love you,” he searched your face, feeling blessed that he can say the words to you again. Your eyes sparkle in the warm light of the kitchen, feeling blessed to hear those words once again. You’ll never get tired of hearing it, especially because it’s all different now. It’s healthier, happier.

“And I love you,” of course you do- it was muscle memory. 

After lightly clinking your mugs together, your eyes catch sight of the fruit bowl you and Noah made in your pottery class. Your painted hand print on one side, his on the other and Noelle’s in the middle with 4 simple words written across it.

You are my Sunshine.

Stepping closer to him, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you stood in silence just enjoying each other’s presence. Finding joy in the laughter of your loved ones outside. 

All is well and always will be. Ms. Ernie was right. Sometimes second chances are worth it. 

“Thanks for adding to the sunshine instead of taking it away,”

Noah could hear the relief in your voice that things turned out for the better. He’d never give this up. Home isn’t a place, home is this moment right here and every moment after.

“Until we are dust returned to the universe.”

First and foremost i wanted to thank everyone for their patience while i worked on this!! this story means so much to me and i am grateful for the love i received on part one and hope you all enjoy this part even if it’s a little long!!!

Please be sure to reblog and comment as it helps us writers out a lot!!!

much love!

~Berry 🫐

tags: @dravenskye @babs-96 @tech-depression-inventory @magnificentstrawberryomen @mrscevans @tinyfairies @mxddymay @themorticians-world @rainy-darling @lma1986 @darknightstarryeyes @thisbicc @lilhobgobbler @lovethe-void @cind6547 @flowery-mess @widowsofchaos @abiomens @amelia-acero @collapsedglasshouses @poppy-in-the-woods @rostoken @dkxxm @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @fadingintothegrey @blairboo

[so-long-soldier-writes]

No Longer Yours

kol mikaelson x reader | requested

summary: you watch as the love of your life starts to love someone else

tags: angst, heartbreak

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: remembering the plot of the originals was so hard tf, i need to rewatch it

When Ester brought Kol back, you were both shocked and delighted. It was such an uncharacteristic thing for her to do, but yet, you couldn’t complain. For decades, you were lovers, on and off waiting for him as Klaus re-daggered him every couple years. Then, after the whole family was rejoined in Mystic Falls, he was killed by two teenagers way in over their own heads. His death broke you. So much so that his sister offered sympathy, something you’ve never received from her. When the bunch moved back to New Orleans, you took her offer and followed, not living with them, but near them. Away from the brother that so often hurt him, but near the sister that now comforts you. You learned to be okay. 

But now Klaus has stirred up something new, and all the species of the city are fighting, and everyone is gathering forces to try to fight him. It’s the witches, versus the werewolves, versus the Mikaelsons, versus the New Orleans’ vampires that pre-existed in the city. In the midst of it, the Other Side was collapsing, and Esther made a desperate act to bring her family back together. 

Kol isn’t the same. Not one bit. His body is different, as is his mind. He’s on edge, understandably, but no longer only seeking you to tame his restlessness. He’s been put on a mission, you know that, to manipulate the young witch for his mother’s benefit, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

And Finn. Finn’s been in your ear nonstop, taunting, updating, day-to-day, on how the progress between the two is going. You’re not sure when you hurt him, but he’s surely out to hurt you. 

“He has this look in his eyes, when he talks about her. Like he knows his task is to trick her, but he doesn’t want to do it. He’s going soft, and it’s not for you anymore,” he’d whisper. You were on the street corner, watching them walk out of the pub, when the eldest snuck up behind you out of nowhere.

“Why are you telling me this?!”

“Thought it’d be something you want to know.”

Finn in his old body was annoying enough. Him in this one, this vessel that seems to carry a hundred times more sass than the last one, is so much worse. 

And it’s not like Kol doesn’t know you’re here. One of his first days back, he spotted you from afar and whisked you away into a quiet corner, declaring his love and kissing your face. You still see him every day, too, even though his return is being kept quiet from the rest of the Mikaelsons. The fact of that makes it even harder to separate him from Davina. You only see him in stolen moments; she seems to be everywhere, in everyone’s business. 

What also hurts, is that you can’t hate the girl. She seems to be Klaus’ number one hater and that warrants some respect. She’s been planning to control Mikael to help take down Klaus, and that’s something no one has ever been able to do. She’s a badass, powerful witch, who Kol is falling for, and that’s not her fault. 

Though slowly, you see it going both ways. She’s falling for him as much as he is her, and honestly, you can’t blame her. Kol is so much more than his narcissistic siblings make him out to be. He’s charming, funny, protective, and up until now, loyal. But then again, maybe you’re overexaggerating this. He’s around Davina for a task, maybe this is just him playing a part. 

You know, deep down, that it’s not. 

It’s one of the days you get Kol alone. Truly alone, without Davina, nor Finn, nor any other supernaturals lingering around, overhearing your conversation. Things feel back to normal, you feel happy, like maybe you have been overthinking, and everything’s actually fine. 

“So, um, how’s it been with your mother?” You didn’t mean to bring up his mother. It’s an awkward subject, and the woman has never been a kind one. But after ten minutes, your dinner date begins to run dry, exchanging small smiles and short laughs rather than the deep thoughts and strong opinions you once shared. 

“She’s fine. She’s my mother. The same, horrible woman she’s always been.” 

His accent is so much thicker in this body. 

“Hm. And Finn? Personally, he’s been annoying the hell out of me, and if he doesn’t stop, I’ll send him right back.”

It earns a chuckle. “I’m about to send him there, too. Little brown noser, always desperate for mother’s approval. What’s he bugging you about?”

“Nothing important, just… the usual.”

“He’s so much worse as a witch. He always hated vampires and now he isn’t one, yet he still wants to bring the rest of them down. Him having access to magic is not great, either.”

“Oh, I bet. Glad I’m only on his ‘hate’ side and not his ‘kill’ side. If I ever defended Klaus in my lifetime, I would have a much different fate against witch Finn.”

He laughs a bit louder. “I’m pretty sure I’m on his ‘kill’ side. Mother giving me chores is the only reason he hasn’t struck. But I wouldn’t let him kill you, Y/N. You’ve always been mine, and even Finn knows not to mess with us.”

His words make you feel some warmth inside, some comfort, that maybe, again, you’re just overthinking all this. 

“He better not, or I’ll send Matt after him again. Bet he’s only a click away, if I tell him I need to extinguish a Mikaelson.”

“Oh, he would be so upset to learn mother brought him back to life. All his hard work, gone! I think Matt would have a lovely time here in New Orleans. So many things he hates in one city. Bet he’d come up with an elaborate system to bomb every vampire in a fifty mile radius without destroying the city itself.” 

“And he’d find a way to make a protective bubble around Rebekah, saving her, and no one else.”

“Oh, don’t remind me of that crush! Any man my little sister could’ve picked and she chooses the vampire-hating prick. Her taste in men has never been good.”

“I don’t know, Marcel’s kind of nice to look at,” you tease.

His eyebrows raise playfully. “Marcel? You should’ve known him when he was a child, then. Little misfit.”

You laugh. It feels like old times. Like going on adventures, pushing peoples’ buttons, grabbing life by the neck. It feels like the love you and Kol shared way before the collapse of the Other Side, and even before Mystic Falls. It’s reckless and exhilarating. 

But now, it’s short-lived. And you feel the light dimming day by day, and you’re not sure how much longer you’re willing to pretend like it’s all okay. 

“I should be getting back soon. Mother’s going to think I ran off.”

“Totally understandable, she is not one to cross.”

“Definitely not.”

“What’s in your plans for next week? Any time we’ll be able to steal like this again?”

“Not sure yet. Klaus is so sporadic, and she bases her plans around his hourly attitude changes. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Okay.” You don’t want to ask it, but it’s been sitting on the tip of your tongue all night, and if you don’t, you might go crazy. “Kol?”

“Yes, love?”

“Your ‘task’ she puts you up to, with Davina.”

“Yes?”

“You care for her.” It’s less of a question, more of a statement. You meant it to be a question, but your mouth spoke before your brain could catch up.

Kol pauses, halfway getting up, to sit back down. He’s never been one to lie to you. You’re not sure if this is when he’ll start. 

“I do,” he replies truthfully. “I don’t want her to get hurt trying to take down my family. I see why she wants to, and I believe she can, but she’s still young. I’ve been trying to best Klaus for centuries and have never been able. But while I’m protecting her the best I can while my mother is actively trying to manipulate her, I don’t feel anything for her, if that’s what worries you.”

You nod, confirming his words about your concerns. “It’s good that you care. She’s been through a lot. She deserves someone who will stand up for her.” 

You wish it didn’t have to be him. 

“I try, while mother and Finn constantly berate.”

“When do they not?” You half-joke, smiling softly. 

“You’re entirely correct.”

Kol might not believe he’s growing affection for the young witch, but you know differently. You can see it in his eyes and the softness of his voice. You can see it on the dimples that form on her face from smiling so wide. 

Klaus finds out that ‘Kaleb’ is Kol, and everything gets much more difficult. It’s such a big tangled web of emotions that you take a step back from the family altogether. Mikael’s on the loose and Klaus is vengeful. New Orleans is in a city-wide panic as the vampire-killing vampire runs rampant without Davina’s control. It isn’t her fault that he got loose. 

It isn’t anyone’s fault when he rushes to her side, more than once. 

It isn’t anyone’s fault when he kisses her, and she kisses back. 

It’s just circumstance. Time and place. People grow apart and others grow close, and sometimes, nothing can be done to stop it. You have to learn to let it go; to understand that he’s happy, and that’s truly the only thing that matters. You’ve survived without him before and you can learn to do it again. 

New Orleans is in the midst of an all out war. Klaus kills anyone who stands in his way. It’s nothing new but it’s nothing short of terrifying. You realize, now, as Kol grows closer to the young witch, and Rebekah starts to take the side of her brothers, that you’re just as vulnerable as the wolves he hunts. A lone vampire cannot survive any greater than a lone wolf, and Klaus doesn’t care who he slaughters in his act of vengeance. It’s with great sorrow and even greater heartbreak that you leave the city, middle of the night, with only a note to explain your absence. Kol will be okay. He’ll be safer with her than you; Klaus has never liked you too much, and his second chance at life matters more than your love for him. 

You’ll always love him, but he’s no longer yours.

He may still love you too, but not in the way it once was. 

And with that, you have to learn to be okay. 

[tex-now]

Hey is it just me or do certain fans complain about how much they hate the other groups instead of loving theirs.

I don't think calling out the misogyny in this fandom is wrong, not in the slightest (my most popular post is calling out the way people treat ena versus akito because of their gender), but most of the time these call out posts just result in more negativity and arguments rather than any like. Productive discussion.

I don't wanna hear about how minoharu and anhane are more canon than ruikasa and akitoya and are Therefore More Valid And Liking Ruikasa More Is Wrong And Bad (exaggerated but most of the time people do insult a ship in order to promote their own) (also sometimes implies that rarepairs are less valid which is a dick move). I wanna hear about the interesting (and I mean very interesting) relationship that an has with kohane, her feelings of inadequacy and slight envy, I wanna hear about how minori (and the rest of mmj) inspired haruka to get back on the stage, and how minori finally got to "repay" haruka in a way.

I didn't start liking ichika because of people endlessly complaining about how underutilized she is and how You Guys Just Don't Get Her, Read The Stories And you'll Discover That She's Actually Perfect Actually (this one isn't an exaggeration but it was on YouTube not Tumblr so in it goes), I started liking her because I learned about her character, her sheer determination and love for her friends, and her want to resonate with people's hearts from people who really like her.

I'm not gonna pretend the Ruikasa fandom and akitoya fandom can't be annoying, a lot of them are toxic and have a habit of making everything about Ruikasa/akitoya while reducing their relationships with other characters to push their shipping narrative. It pisses me off. A lot. I could write (and probably will write) an entire essay on how entitled and bitchy Ruikasa/akitoya fans can be, and I definitely understand how it can build up resentment towards a ship, and how their mass popularity is most definitely attributed to the fact that they are men (which results in an extreme lack of understanding of their actual characters and overall dynamic, reducing them to "top tall sexy one" and "bottom cute feminine one" which upsets me to hell and back). And calling this out is not wrong in the slightest.

but needlessly attacking a ship that someone likes is not a call out. calling Ruikasa and akitoya "a stupid ship" is not a call out. Actively insulting people for liking it is not a call out. Adding Ruikasa and akitoya tags to your post bashing them is not a callout. It's being a dick. You are not doing anything productive by calling Ruikasa and akitoya shippers idiots or stupid or insulting their taste you are only going to piss people off and you know that you are going to piss people off.

Acknowledge but do not attack. Be civil. And if you cant be civil then save everyone some time and keep it private.

Oh yeah. And be annoying about your blorbos. Make KING kanamafu art. Put shizuairi in Fragile. Talk about how much you love your girl ships and your girl characters and don't event mention the guys, make fanfiction and fanart of the girls, I really really want you to, genuinely, because they do get less rep in the fandom than their male counterparts, so more content of the girls is always great. It feels a lot better than complaining about a ship you don't even like, I promise

(Btw I mention this in the tags but if anyone wants to add input or correct me on something you totally can. My words aren't law and this post is just me stating my thoughts, and I invite you to share yours if you want.)

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i just have so many feelings about ted and trent both being lowkey perpetually surprised at the other's genuinely high opinion of them

like. ted repeatedly being a little confounded that trent crimm (!!!!) honestly just thinks so incredibly highly of him and really honestly cares about his opinion and what he thinks and wants his approval, like. cool cat trent crimm cares what ted thinks and thinks ted is wonderful and genuinely likes him and his company and likes listening to him talk

versus like, trent being shocked and bewildered to realize that ted like, actually likes him??? as a person??? not just ted's tedness where he likes everyone and is nice to everyone but like he actually, sincerely likes him more than most people and enjoys his company and thinks he's neat. and like part of that is his early realization in s1e3 where he like, realizes ted earnestly enjoys meeting people and finds nice things in everyone he talks to, even trent, but also it's later, him realizing ted specifically, genuinely likes trent. just like, as a person. not just as a writer or a reporter, which was already a bit baffling, but trent, as a person. in a deeper way, in a specific way, he just likes trent??? for real????? and cares about his opinion????

like both of them being mystified that someone so cool and wonderful and smart and handsome could ever think they're interesting and captivating and care about their opinion.

and extending that more blatantly into romance (although honestly this is excellent without it) like. both of them being bewildered at finding someone they earnestly like who also.... doesn't think they're annoying??? and likes listening to them talk??? and talks back because they were paying attention??? having long conversations just the two of them and both of them just being endlessly interested in what the other has to say and being quietly confused and pleased that the other cares what they have to say and about their opinion???

and also like. both of them being like. how does this incredibly handsome man find me appealing in any way??? he's so hot and i'm so... not?? like they're both just lowkey utterly convinced the other is out of their league. and are endlessly confused when the other continues to just. think they are the best thing since sliced bread. ted definitely calls trent the bee's knees btw.

anyway, the point is. ted being perpetually pleasantly bewildered that trent crimm earnestly cares about his opinion and thinks the world of him. trent being perpetually pleasantly bewildered that ted lasso earnestly cares about his opinion and thinks the world of him. they're ridiculous and they deserve each other

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Spare showed me how insecure and envious Harry actually is, but do you think Harry’s polling numbers when he was ranking high made William jealous?

Royal journalists and authors often use examples of when William and Harry were kids and say William would feel uncomfortable when Harry appears to be better at skiing or whatever. Whether this is true is hard to assess, but it’s certainly a narrative the rota like to spread.

And in that infamous video of them “bantering” when they were learning to fly (that video is like their version of Charles and Diana’s engagement interview where we can look back at it and say the signs were there all along), Harry was teasing William about how he was better than him, which obviously annoyed William (tbf, Harry was being very annoying in that video). William defended Harry when the interviewer straight up asked Harry if he felt pressure to live up to his brother who’s academically better, but some people can interpret that as William being condescending in a way that he only defended Harry because the interviewer already put him up on a higher pedestal. I think there’s a lot to unpack in that interview lol.

Harry started Sentebale in 2006, and I’m not sure what William was doing in 2006. Also, it is known that William wanted to be deployed but was not allowed, so he chose to work in search and rescue. One could say it mattered to him that Harry never outshone him. Of course, William’s motivation for his work and path could be about self-actualization and all that stuff, but I think what Harry really wanted to show in Spare was that his achievements bothered William (e.g. Harry saying William wanted to have African conservation projects all to himself, etc.). How much do you think did it bother William? Do you think the competition is one-sided? Well, tbh, in my opinion, Harry writing all about it in Spare is what made me think the competition bothered Harry more because he wanted to have control of the narrative and come out looking like the envied one. But without that factor, objectively, one might say William has enough reasons to be jealous of Harry.

Yes. But not jealous. Envy.

They're easily and often interchangeable, but they're very separate feelings. Envy is when you want what someone else has. Jealousy is when you think someone's taking what you have.

I do believe William was envious of Harry at times, particularly when they were younger and I think the few comments William has made about their relationship - as well as the "Harry gets to go to Afghanistan but I can't" situation you described - strike me more as envy. Who wouldn't be? Someone whose life is fully preplanned before they could even talk versus someone whose life had a lot more flexibility and a whole lot less expectations? Of course William would envy Harry. It's perfectly natural.

But Harry, meanwhile, was jealous. In reading Spare, Harry talks a lot about what he had that he felt William was taking away - Diana, for one. Africa and environmentalism/conservation for another. He often saw it as William encroaching on his territory, William being favorited, William getting what Harry wanted.

That's not to say that William was never jealous and Harry was never envious. I think Harry envied William's relationship with Kate and I think William was jealous Harry got to serve active-duty while he was only able to do training missions. But boiling it down to the bare essence, William's "main" emotion towards his brother was envy and Harry's "main" emotion was jealousy.

Having these feelings is perfectly normal. Everyone deals with envy and jealousy. They're practically the foundation on which sibling rivalry is built.

The difference is William didn't let his envy/jealousy consume him. Whether he grew out of it or he found healthy solutions for letting it go (for instance, finding satisfaction and joy to serve through search and rescue work) or whether therapy helped him or whether it was Kate coming into his life and steadying him, I don't know.

Harry's still stuck in it. He's completely consumed by those feelings, whether that's his own doing or his own psychosis or someone else is feeding it. I don't think Harry will truly find peace and happiness until he deals with it. He seemed better able to control it - or at the very least, hide it - in the mid-10s (2013-2016ish); was that because he was in real therapy? Because he was able to travel and work away from William? Because of Cressida? Because the media paid more attention to George and Charlotte, which left Harry to do his own thing unwatched? I don't know.

I feel like William stopped having those feelings of envy or jealousy towards Harry sometime in the 2008-2010 years, and I do think that's perhaps because of his relationship with Kate, and them being solidly on the path towards marriage and family.

[666writingcafe]

I'd like an order of “Look at your reflection. Look at how gorgeous you are. So fucking gorgeous when we're fucking you like this." "So pretty for us, and only for us.” Beel and Satan pretty please!

Order #3

"Look at your reflection. Look at how gorgeous you are. So fucking gorgeous when we're fucking you like this." "So pretty for us, and ONLY for us." Beel x MC x Satan

Author's Note: I'm going to be referencing this. The more I wrote, the more this turned into a mini fic, so it'll take a while to get to the juicy stuff. Also, I altered the requested line slightly to make it a little less wordy, but it's the same general message.

One

Before Project Friendship, Satan and Beelzebub weren't that close. It was the classic case of brain versus brawn, and Satan didn't think he had much in common with his brother. He certainly didn't understand why Beel would constantly stare at him. The first couple of times, he thought Beel was simply zoning out, but then it kept happening, and Satan began getting annoyed. Why was his brother looking at him like that, anyway? Did he think Satan was a freak, just like everyone else did?

Satan initially found it odd that the two of them were paired together for this little sleepover at the castle, but he decided it would be the perfect opportunity to confront Beel about his staring, because it was sure to happen at some point during their stay.

And it did, on the very first night as the two of them were getting ready for bed. Satan was reading one of the books he brought along with him when he felt eyes intently on him.

"Why do you do that?!" he snarls, snapping his book shut and nearly slamming it on the bedside table. "It's bad enough when Belphie does it, and he's a lot smaller than you are. You doing it is downright creepy." Beel mumbles something, and Satan feels more enraged.

"Oh, so you're brave enough to gawk, but not to speak? Typical air-headed jock. Is there even an actual thought in your head, or is it stuffed full of cheeseburgers and french fries?"

"And you wonder why I don't talk." Beel's bluntness paired with a sudden glare shuts Satan up. "I've wanted to develop a better relationship with you for a while, but I was afraid you'd push me away like this. After all, what do I have to offer? I'm not nearly as intelligent as some of your other friends, right? I couldn't possibly understand the intricacies of the subtexts in the books you read; I'm just an air-headed jock."

The only thing Satan can manage to reply is,

"You've been reading my books?"

"Well, not your copies. I didn't want to damage them, because I know a lot of them are really valuable. But what I could find in RAD's library, I have read, including the one you brought with you." Satan glances at the book on the nightstand.

"The Blighted Marigold? I didn't think you were into mysteries."

"The author is behind a series of books that inspired some of Levi's video games. Mercury's Demise, I believe it's called. Belphie and I played them a couple of times with him, and I found myself sucked into the game's story. I ended up binging the entire series in a month. The way he writes made me feel like I was one of the characters, and I wanted to see if he'd published anything else."

"When did you find the time? Those books are massive!" Beel shrugs.

"I made time, Satan. Isn't that something you're familiar with doing?" Beel has him there. In some ways, their schedules are similarly packed with extracurricular activities.

"Did you finish this?" Satan asks, picking up the book again.

"Yes."

"I'm about halfway through this, and I can't figure out who the killer is. Usually I can by this point in a mystery, but for some reason I'm completely stumped."

"That's because the suspects are all red herrings." Beel can tell that his brother's completely dumbfounded. "They all have motives for killing Mr. Marigold, which makes it more difficult to discern the killer. But it's not any of them. It's someone that almost fades into the background but shows up time and time again. They don't say much, but that's intentional. By remaining quiet, they can get away with the murder and have one of the loudmouths put behind bars."

"You mean..." Satan trails off, his eyes suddenly widening. "Isabella?!" Beel nods his head. "But how? Why?"

"Standard poisoning. As for the why, I don't want to spoil too much for you, so I'll just tell you this: in the first couple of chapters, there are a couple of seemingly throwaway lines, but they turn out to be the very thing the detective needed to solve the case."

"And when did you figure this out?"

"After the reading of the will and Isabella's reaction to it in the next chapter."

"But that takes place in chapters two and three!" Beel shrugs.

"Pays to observe people."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Have you ever wondered why I don't say much?"

"I just assumed you didn't have anything to offer to the conversation." Beel sighs.

"So does everyone else. Even Belphie, and he knows me better than most." He pauses. "The truth is, I spend a lot of time people-watching. I make mental notes of their behavior so that I can interact with them better."

"For example?"

"Levi rambles around people he finds cute. He used to clam up, but he realized people found that weird, so he's overcompensating by talking a mile a minute. He's lucky MC finds it endearing, because his info-dumping would annoy anyone else he was trying to pursue." Satan tilts his head.

"Now you've made me curious. What else have you picked up from us?"

"The shade of Asmo's nails matches his mood. Lighter colors mean he's generally happy, while darker colors indicate his moodiness. Lucifer will grant permission to anything you ask him after four glasses of Demonus, but five will have him crying about the war, and six will make him angry and irritable. Mammon sometimes sneaks out at night to various orphanages and entertains the kids there for a few hours. They like giving him cheaply-made fabric pins, usually shaped like stars, and he attaches them to items he rarely uses as to not damage them."

"What about me?" Beel looks directly into Satan's eyes.

"You grip the spines of your books whenever you're angry but trying not to blow up in someone's face. That's how I know to keep my distance."

~~~

Two

"Diavolo's going to drop out soon." Satan glances up from his script with a confused look on his face.

"Did he say something to you?" he asks, prompting Beel to shake his head.

"His performance isn't quite as convincing as it once was. His character is supposed to be betrothed to Lucifer's, and yet it seems as though his heart's not in it anymore."

"Maybe he's having a hard time focusing." Beel snorts in bitter amusement.

"That's an understatement." Satan sets his script down on the nightstand.

"Clearly you're seeing something that I'm not. Would you care to explain what that is?"

"The nature of the love triangle is changing. Diavolo and MC are no longer at odds with each other."

"I have noticed that," Satan replies. "MC's stay here at the castle has allowed them to form a pretty solid friendship."

"I'd say it's more than friendship at this point." Satan's eyes widen. "It's possible that MC's oblivious to this, but Diavolo's developing a pretty strong crush on them. His touch and gaze lingers on them a bit too long for it to be him simply protecting them as they're healing from their mental breakdown."

"It upsets you, doesn't it?" Beel sighs.

"I know it shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to sound judgemental, Beel. I was simply making an observation. I can tell that talking about this is making you tense up." Silence. Beel looks down at his script, but he's not reading any of the words on the page. Instead, he's hoping to zone out long enough to block out his simmering rage.

"You're doing that in front of the wrong person," Satan warns Beel. "My presence tends to shorten others' fuses. It'd be better if you simply let it out while you still have control." Another sigh as Beel sets his script down on the bed.

"I want them. For myself. I know it's silly and never going to happen given how we all feel about them, but it's something that I continue craving. There are times where it overtakes my hunger for food. I can eat and eat and eat, but there isn't a single dish that's an adequate replacement for MC. Not when I get in that kind of mood, anyway."

"There's something rather addicting about them, isn't there?"

"Yes. It's like a constant sugar rush."

"Dopamine."

"Same concept, though. The more you have it, the more you want it, which makes you have it even more. It's a vicious cycle."

"And Diavolo has a tendency to hoard things he really enjoys." Satan briefly pauses. "Like a dragon."

"Exactly. Theoretically, he could order us to stay away from MC so that he doesn't have to share them with us, and we'd be powerless to stop him." Beel looks away from Satan, suddenly feeling ashamed. "And we wonder why MC's growing more annoyed with us. We're treating them like an object and forgetting that they're capable of making their own decisions. If they want to spend more time with Diavolo, then who am I to stop them? It's not like they're exclusively tied to any of us." The two brothers sit quietly as Satan mulls over Beel's words. In a lot of ways, they mirror his own internal dialogue regarding MC.

"I have an idea," he states after a few minutes. Beel narrows his eyes.

"It better not get us in trouble. We're still in hot water for what happened last night in the kitchen."

"Don't worry, it's nothing that destructive. In fact, it won't even happen until MC's settled back in at the House. But it does require some planning. Our schedules--" Satan gestures between the two of them. "--have to line up during a time when everyone else--" His fingers quickly circle the air. "--is busy and, more importantly, out of our hair."

"Why?"

"Because we need to tell MC how we feel without worrying about someone interrupting us. It might take a while, and it may get a bit noisy."

~~~

Three

A Few Weeks After MC's Return to the House of Lamentation

MC's not entirely sure how their evening turned out this way. They were studying when they heard a knock on their bedroom door, and opening it revealed Satan and Beel on the other side. When the two brothers got settled, they began telling MC how they were feeling, and the three of them had a rather long but insightful conversation. Given its length, MC thought that Beel and Satan merely wanted to get some things off their chest before it drove them crazy.

As it turns out, they had other plans.

The second Beel had finished talking, his lips were on MC's. A moment later, Satan was nibbling on their neck. Beel had lifted MC onto his lap, and their hands were buried in his hair as he continued kissing them. The sensation of Satan's teeth was driving MC wild. They had no idea Satan was this good with his mouth, and they were already anticipating where else he could use it.

Once Satan felt like he'd left a satisfactory mark on their skin, he gently pulls on MC's earlobe with his teeth.

"Would you like us to fuck you, darling?" he purrs. "We'll take such good care of you. Just say the word."

"Please."

"Hmm?"

"Please, fuck me." Satan smiles against their neck.

"Your wish is our command."

Beel lifts MC into his arms and carries them over to their bed, carefully places them in the center. MC watches as Satan and Beel remove their shirts. Their eyes drink in the sight of the brothers' exposed skin. No matter how many times they've seen the brothers shirtless, MC can't help but marvel at their physique. While Beel is certainly more muscular and toned, Satan isn't nearly as scrawny as he might appear with clothes on.

The two of them crawl onto the bed, each settling on either side of MC. Satan gently cups their face, running his thumb along their cheek.

"You are so precious," he murmurs.

"Like a piece of candy." Beel's lips graze the side of MC's neck. "Sweeter than anything I've ever tasted."

"A sweet delicacy that's all for us." Beel's mouth captures MC's again as Satan begins undressing them.

"You're going to make such beautiful noises for us, aren't you?"

"I'll scream your names loud enough to wake the dead." The two men chuckle.

"Now that would be an interesting conversation to have with the others." Beel's kisses slowly move downwards, eventually landing on MC's chest. His tongue flicks over their nipple before his teeth graze the skin, drawing out a sharp hiss from MC.

"Be gentle," they whine.

"Don't mind me. I'm merely playing with my food." His fingers pinch their other nipple, causing MC to whimper.

"That's an understatement," Satan scoffs.

"They're so sensitive." Beel's fingers tug and twist, the motion drawing louder and louder moans from MC. "I could do this all day." Satan quietly moves closer to the pair and slides a hand down MC's pants.

"Well, well, well. Did being teased turn you on that much?" His fingers push past the waistband of MC's underwear, and he begins gently stroking their slit.

"So soft," he hums.

"Can I have a taste?" Beel pleads.

"I suppose." Satan's hands move away from MC's center, allowing Beel to finish undressing them. Once MC is nude, Beel spreads their legs wide. He leans in and takes a deep inhale, his eyes briefly closing.

"Heaven," he breathes. His tongue darts out and swipes along their folds, causing MC to shudder.

"You taste amazing," Beel purrs.

"I think I'll have a taste too." Satan's mouth lands on the side of MC's neck, kissing and biting the flesh. MC's back arches, pressing their center against Beel's face as they begin riding his tongue.

"Oh, they like that," Satan chuckles. His hand slips underneath MC's ass, and his finger lightly strokes their hole. "What do you say we give them some more pleasure?"

"Yes, please," MC whines. Satan grins.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." His mouth moves away from their skin, and MC immediately misses the feeling of his teeth on their neck. The sensation is short-lived, however, as Beel's fingers slip inside them, quickly finding their g-spot.

"I think it's only fair if you also give me a treat," Satan tells them. He sits up and removes his pants, letting them drop to the floor. That's all the instruction MC needs. Soon, they're sucking on his dick like their life depended on it.

Satan moans and his fingers thread through MC's hair, gripping it tightly.

"That's it. Let me fill your throat with my cock. You're taking me so well." As they suck him off, MC can feel Beel's fingers curling, the tips grazing their g-spot. A third finger joins the first two, and soon MC is seeing stars. The pleasure's so intense, and they can't help but buck their hips against Beel's hand.

Satan briefly glances at MC's mirror before doing a double take. Its current image, in his opinion, is nothing short of a work of art.

"Look at your reflection," he murmurs. "Look how gorgeous you are when we're fucking you like this."

"You're so pretty for us," Beel quietly adds. "And ONLY for us."

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[the-offside-rule]

Mick Schumacher (Mercedes) - Euros

Requested: nope

Prompt: Mick drunk while watching the Euros in 2021

Warnings: dunk Mick

Mick was sat alongside his mechanics and engineers as he watched on painfully. England versus Germany. He had this lovely barbecue planned out, drinks and everything paid for and then the final whistle had gone, leaving Germany to lose. The team celebrated and sang countless football chants about how England is gonna bring it home and what not while Mick just watched on. It had been an hour or so since the match had finished and Mick just wanted to go back to his hotel room but the mechanics weren't exactly having nay of it. "How about you just drink mate?" One of his mechanics asked. "Oh no, I'm fine." Mick reassured him. "Why? Is something wrong?" Mick shook his head. "No, my girlfriend is going out with her friends from Alfa Romeo tomorrow so I don't want to keep her up too late worrying about me." Mick explained. His engineer understood but was persistant to have some fun with Mick, so was everyone else. "Okay, how about this? We'll stay until seven or eight and then you can go home. Sound like a good idea?" Mick thought for a while and agreed. "Okay, okay that's fine. Let me just text her first and we'll get to drinking."

It had just gone 1 in the morning whne the door to your hotel room was knocked. Your eyes flew open as your sleep was disrupted but you knew it must have been Mick. You got up and sluggishly walked towards the door before opening it, surprised to see his mehcnaics Ryan and Dylan there instead. "Thank God you answered. He's had a bit too much to drink." Dylan said. You looked over to see Mick half asleep and looking down. "Mick?" Hee loookeed up and smiled lazily upon sering you. "Heya Liebling. I missed you sooooo much." he slurred. You chuckled a bit and turned back to the mechanics. "How drunk is he?" you asked as he collapsed into your arms. "Very. He's had loads of Heineken, Budweiser, we aren't even gonna talk about the Jagermeister." Ryan said as he helped you bring Mick into the room and plopping him down onto the couch. "Well he's definitely gonna have a hangover." You sighed. "Yeah, probably. Look, we have to go but goodnight Y/n." Ryan said. "Goodnight, I'll talk to you later."

You closed the door and spotted your boyfriend on the couch, doing nothing but breathing. "You doing okay over theeree Mick? How about some water?" He lifted his hand and gave a thumbs up. He must have been shattered. "Right, here you go. Don't drink it too quickly though, just little sips." Mick took the glass and shakily brought it to his lips, sipping little by little as he was instructed to. "How are you feeling now?" you asked him. His head dropped onto your shoulder and his eyes closed a bit. "I'm sleepy." Mick whispered. "I know. Do you want to go to bed?" you asked. Mick shook his head but then, came a little spurt of vomit coming from his mouth and onto your hoodie. "Jesus christ." you muttered, a little annoyed. "I'm sorry." he mumbled. "It's okay, it's okay. This happens to everyone. Let's just get you somewhere to sit and throw up whatever you need to."

The toilet. That's where Mick sat for a good thirty minutes just vomiting and getting sick while you sat on or in the bath, it really depended. "This is horrible." Mick groaned before spitting into the toilet. "I know. That's why I don't get drunk as much anymore Mick." You replied. "Are you disappointed with me?" he asked. You were taken off guard by that question. "No, why would I?" you asked, moving his hair to the side a little. "Because you are supposed to be up and going to meet up with your friends really early tomorrow and you're here taking care of me like I'm a baby or a child." You smiled a bit and rubbed the side of his face. "That's my job." You chuckled. "Your job is to put a car together." Mick mumbled tiredly. "Wiring but okay." you replied. He smiled a bit. "No but seriously, your job is to love me." he said. "So caring for you falls into that category." Hee opened his eyes to look at your caring face. "But now you can't go out tomorrow morning because of me."

"I don't mind. I can always wait until Thursday. You've got media anyway." He nodded and began to doze off so he probably had thrown up everything there was. "Okay,ets go to bed Schumi." You said climbing out of the bath to help him up. "Can we have a sleepover?" he asked excitedly. "Of course we can." You replied. Youu opened the bedroom door and turned on the light, Mick barely standing and relying solely on your shoulder for balance. "Okay, into bed. Come on." Mick slumped onto the bed and curled in under the blankets to get warm. You just hope din beside him and turned the lights off since you could both only sleep in the dark. You were about to fall asleep when you heard a little German voice beside you.

"Hey Y/n?" Mick asked, his eyes closed as he prepared to go to sleep. "Yes?" you replied. "Do you have a boyfriend?" You made a face at the question, slightly confused but it made sense that his head wasn't in the right mindset at the time. "Mick, you're my boyfriend." You said. Mick scoffed. "That sucks." You were taken back by that remark. "Excuse me?" you asked, a little hurt by his last reaction. "Why aren't you my wife yet?" It took a few seconds for it to settle into your brain but it warmed your heart and set the butterflies swarming around your stomach when it eventually did. "Wait Mick, do you mean that?" you asked, turning around but by the time you had, he was already softly snoring, fast asleep.

[anonymous-dentist]

the thing that has been pissing me off the most in those whole qjaiden/fear room situation is the hypocrisy, really (and not talking about the charater hypocrisy even if she was actually being kinda of hypocritical)

i'm talking about the hypocrisy of the vast majority of the fans lmao like when qforever came up and invaded bobby fields everyone went for his ass (rightfully so) but when it's her doing something similar it's ok and she's just being silly! bc apparently it's just her who can have a secret safe spot and have her feelings hurt ig

it's a very curious phenomenon in this fandom that i think it came from it having different povs and each being in a different language probably, but it really seems to me that to some people the only characters that have the right to be defended, and do something wrong and all of that is the ones they keep up with. otherwise, then they can be execrated and all of that

It's because the only characters allowed to be criticized are the Brazilian characters tbh, the English fandom gets really pissy when you criticize their favs, the French fandom is too busy criticizing itself half the time to pay attention to the others, and the poor Hispanic fandom is down to two active povs to pay attention to. But, if you've paid attention over the last several months, it's always the Brazilian characters getting shit for things the other characters have also done.

It's like you said with qForever and qJaiden's parallels here, but there's another parallel between them that people went crazy over last month with the Happy Pills arc when qForever made that fake house for Richarlystone and qJaiden fans went "Good, it's what he deserves", and like. No? Nobody said that qJaiden "deserved" to lose herself briefly in her grief and build Bobby Fields, but qForever "deserved" to be forcibly drugged by Cucurucho and deluded into building a house just like Bobby Fields to memorialize his son as best as his fuzzy mind could.

And then there's everybody always giving qCellbit shit for him infiltrating the Federation and pretending to be Normal about it while actively encouraging qFoolish's very similar arc, because qCellbit is apparently the evil one here because he isn't telling other people, even though he has been telling people it's a literal infiltration mission for months now.

qForever starting to sort of get along with Cucurucho? It means he's been corrupted by the Feds and he's evil and should be kicked out of office. qJaiden being actual best friends with Cucurucho? She's just being silly!

qBad being right for getting upset over characters getting into his closed-off areas of his base versus the English fandom getting very angry at Brazilian fans getting annoyed over qJaiden breaking into a very very very closed-off area of qCellbit's base.

qFoolish was just silly when he arrested qPac and qMike, but I can guarantee that if it was qMike arresting qFoolish or something that he'd be given so much shit for "false imprisonment" or something. Because that's just how this fandom works.

This issue used to actually apply to the Hispanic characters, too, because I remember the English fandom getting furious when qVegetta set up turrets specifically because qBad kept breaking into his house back in early April, because that was unfair!! qSpreen challenged qBad to a fight and, if he won, he was going to be allowed to take one of Dapper's lives was evil and irredeemable, but qSlime running around for several hours trying to murder every single egg on the server was just him being silly. qMariana being called a murderer for legitimately accidentally misclicking poor Flippa versus qSlime killing Tilin being called an accident (which it was, to be clear.)

I can guarantee that qRoier would have gotten So Much Shit from the English fandom back in April if they actually watched his pov and realized that he was the one that started spreading rumors about qQuackity trying to kill the eggs and effectively rigging the Strip Club Interrogation to make qQuackity look more evil than he actually was and basically singlehandedly causing poor qQuackity's downfall just as he swore to in early April that the English fans would have been furious. But, because he doesn't interact too often with the English members outside of Foolish and Jaiden, he's labeled Just A Silly Guy and he's promptly ignored, which is probably for the better tbh considering how they treat the other Latin American characters.

TLDR; the English characters are the only ones not allowed to be criticized while the Latin American characters are always the ones criticized, especially the Brazilians, and it's super fucking weird considering this is a global server and everything

[romchat]

following up on my prior ask! i found the luyang arc pivotal for xff and xh (i mean, who wouldnt? we got that beautiful rain scene!), but so much of their conversations confused me because of the way they use metaphors and dance around answers! i apologize if i come off as spamming ur inbox, lol!

some things i wanted to understand more:

-ep 16 tearoom: when xff talks about him inviting her over after every "show" and how what he says is apathetic but always hits the mark and makes her in debt. but now hes showing his cards and asks him if he wants to join?

ep 17 in the rain: when she says "you never tell the truth" and he says "what about you? even after drinking you havent told the truth once" what is she referring to? him i can kinda guess but her? idk!

-ep 17 eating dumplings: when xff offers to invite him to watch a play (her helping the ye family) and he says "i dont watch plays" why is he mad?! lol and why does she respond "if you like these buns and want them in the future, ill settle everything" when he says that when its found out to be a "misunderstanding" who does she think has to take the blame (referring to himself as he would tip them off)

-ep 18 eating dumplings (again): when she asks about how he tried cases in the past and he tells her she doesnt have to make him put up an act before she confesses? where did this come from? did i forget something in the past?? and then even more... "today onward, i am once again despised by everyone" what does he mean? when wasnt he? why does she respond with luyang is beautiful and the night duty is coming??

idk theres so much i think i grasp but then i relisten to it and confuse myself lmao! theres definitely more (like the huixiang pawn speech she had with him) but the luyang parts im most interested in! so sorry that this is so long and such word vomit!! thank you so much if u do take the time to respond! i think you have such a good comprehension and a way with words that seriously has added to my enjoyment of this show SO much more. thank you!!!!!

I welcome all word vomits but oh boy you're really stretching my memory here 😂

Ep. 16 Tearoom

Fangfei is still annoyed at Duke Su because of her jealousy over seeing him with another woman at the brothel in Episode 15. In that episode, she had assumed he was following her to Luyang but then thought differently once she saw him with Wu Lan. I think her calling out his sudden "apathy" is essentially her implicitly asking if their odd little relationship has changed (i.e., why are you acting differently?). Which is why he asks:

Duke Su: Are you getting angry at me? Fangfei: Can't I? Duke Su: Your words are really pleasant then. (smiles)

He just confirmed that she's behaving the way she is because she's jealous, which is why he finds her words "pleasant". So he reassures her by telling her who Wu Lan is even though she has nothing to do with Fangfei's dealings with the Ye family--he's like a husband keeping his wife informed about his struggles at work lol

Ep. 17 In the Rain

He's referring to her real identity as Fangfei (which he's known about for a while but wants to hear directly from her about) and I believe she's referring more generally to all his private dealings, which keeps entangling him in her plots (e.g., General Biao, who they had that drinking competition with).

Ep. 17 Dumplings

This was the day after Fangfei's drunken flirtatiousness in the rain so my guess is that he was fishing for her to reveal her true feelings about him ("does that mean you remember what happened that night?") and he gets frustrated when she friend-zones him by wanting his help for her scheming versus talking about this shift in their relationship. Especially since one of the last times they talked about theater, it was when he tricked her into being his cover during the theater attack and she told that him that she now clearly sees what their relationship actually is. Her talking about the theater after their almost kiss probably feels like taking one step forward and two steps back for him!

But Fangfei's "If you like these buns, I'll settle everything" is ultimately her asking for his help to execute her plan and trying to settle the score. Remember, at this point in the drama, she's always counting how much he helps her so she can pay him back and not have to owe him. (Which is why one of my favorite flirting moments of theirs is in Episode 16 when he swoops in during her drinking competition and tells her that his help won't be put on her tab.)

Ep. 18 Dumplings Part Deux

Oh that's just another flirtatious way of giving Duke Su permission to ask her questions about her real identity! By this episode, he's interrogated her at the nunnery as well as his residence but they're always interrupted and/or she leaves when he gets too personal. She's telling him she's willing to share more about herself because of how much he has helped her up to this point.

I'm not quite sure what "today onward, I am once again despised by everyone" refers to (maybe if the palace finds out how he has helped Fangfei given that I think at this point he knows of Princess Wanning's involvement in Fangfei's death?) but I wonder if Fangfei's night duty comment is her reflecting on how even though she just experienced momentary success there is still a long road of challenges ahead of her. That's why Duke Su reassures her that she's strong and a survivor ("right now, all the lights in Luyang are on. If you were a restless spirit, you would have long been reduced to ashes") and she promises him that she "will live on well."

--

Hope these ramblings were helpful!

[creature-wizard]

Even as a believer in loa(I've practiced it for a while now). I appreciate your post so much. I was shocked at first because it's such a niche topic that only followers really know about? So I was shocked to see your post expecting it to be sarcastic in the beginning. I personally think Law of Assumption Tumblr is a whole different breed? I mean I didn't know of the void at all until I came on here. Most traditional believers of neville don't even know what the void is? It's like entering different worlds when encountering loa believers anywhere else like youtube/reddit. Versus tumblr. I sort of feel like tumblr is a different beast though? Cause they seem to mostly focus on the void, which I'm not even sure if this is something Neville talked about? I've only heard traditional followers mention SATS. Like I said the void seems to be a tumblr thing? I was shocked that people on here were claiming they've manifested billions of dollars, looking like ariana grande, living in a totally different home(???), someone's brother has wings(???). I really don't know? If these are neville's teachings or not. But I think one of the main reasons your post blew up so much is because the attitude in this community specifically. I've never met such righteous people in my life. I'm guessing a lot of those people who like me really questioned these people because they never showed proof but for some reason you're dumb or lazy? I've probably seen more posts of people criticizing everyone who weren't able to wake up in their mansion as if they're dumb or annoying them? Instead of helping them. Like "OMG SIS IT'S SO EASY TO ENTER THE VOID!? STOP BEING DUMMMMMB IT'S LITERALLY THE EASIEST THING EVERRRRR." Why am I dumb because I find it hard to believe something that seems impossible? Why are you leaving the community or calling it toxic because people are questioning things that seem impossible? I got really caught up in trying to get into the void. And I'm not even sure if loa tumblr is following neville's teaching's cause if anything it seems to fall more into shifting? Anytime I look up loa tumblr it's 85% about shifting or the void? Also I'm pretty sure most of these people are children so you're better off not even trying to argue with them. Lmfao.

I think another reason it might have blown up is because somebody (it wasn't me) blazed it, lol.

I agree that most of these people are probably teenagers, which is kinda why I post so much - not to argue with the ones who won't budge on it, but to reach the ones who are still on the fence, or questioning, and save them from a bunch of trauma from the types of people you described.

I don't think Goddard used the term "void state," but he did describe a practice that sounds similar to it. But yeah, the posts you're talking about are absolutely ridiculous and that kind of rhetoric is going to be horrible for a lot of people, because if we're defining "void state" as a really deep state where you experience full detachment from your body and full ego death, that's just not a state that everyone can reach for some reason. (I know this because I'm one of them! And I know for absolute fact that my problem was not some kind of blockage, self-doubt, or trying too hard!)

As to what Goddard said you could or couldn't do, he never explicitly said that you could manifest fantastical results like wings, but he did say that you could manifest anything, and nothing was impossible. I'm pretty sure Goddard was at that point talking to the kind of people who just wouldn't think very far outside of the box. But you give that kind of rhetoric to a bunch of people exposed to a lot of fiction and to modern celebrity culture, and of course you're going to get a lot of people who want something a little more... exciting, shall we say.

And yeah, the whole self-righteous know-it-all attitude so prevalent in this community is a thing that really stood out to me. The way these people talk down and insult people is just yikes. Like, I know from experience that if I tried to take people who act like this seriously, it would be an absolute disaster for my mental health. (This kinda shit does not play well with scrupulosity OCD.) Angry anons will be like, "you're just angry because you failed!" but like, mmmmm no, I just recognize a potential scrupulosity OCD trigger when I see one, lol.

For anyone reading this: If you are leaving or questioning the Law of Assumption and need help, please see this post.

[uchihaxitachi]

Important PSA:

Warnings: Anon blogs versus other RP drama, 🎭 skip if you want to. Read if you want to know what is my final course of action about it

I feel like it’s about time I had to make a post, I hate typing a lot (I hate it lmfaooo especially when it’s not a fic or a RP plot I’m dangerously excited about) 😮‍💨 but two months ago shit happened. I get it. The “Anon” thing started from me, a bored Covid struck Itachi simp who just created Itachi-anon for funsies. I had seen roleplaying in other fandoms (BNHA) and that’s how I decided to create Itachi anon. I just wanted to embody the character I loved with all my heart. Asks/RP plots, everything is a part & parcel of this. Sasukeanon joined in, (from the very beginning) annoying Itachi as his little brother. They made the blog just for my Itachi, and I was the one who nudged them to make it an Anon blog. (Others joined and yada yada).

The purpose was to have fun and to RP. It’s been four years since I’ve been on Tumblr where I’ve deleted this blog multiple times because I was sick of the mundane toxicity this fandom as a whole invests in. I thought it was a Covid thingy, hey? Everyone gets bored & gets frustrated, y’know? Clearly not. With the whole feud that happened between various blogs and the Anon blogs, it was pretty clear people had things which they shouldn’t give that much importance to, given drastically astronomical importance. Who gives a shit ffs? 🤦🏻‍♀️ These characters aren’t real, we have real lives (most of us) outside this platform. I couldn’t care less about what happened, and I don’t care about what’s happening right now.

Now, you’d say if you don’t give a shit, Itachi-Mod, why did you get involved. See? I don’t give a shit about this stuff, but — I do give a shit about people I call my friends, people I consider close, people who know a tad bit more about me other than the fact that I go by Ena (Online name) and I moderate this blog. Even if in the near future, if someone comes for my friends, I will defend them unperturbed and uncaring of how it makes me look like. Cus I couldn’t care less what a bunch of unknown strangers think about me over my friends. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That being said, I don’t want to be a part of the whole “fixing things” or, “X apologizing to Y, Y apologizing to Z.” Because I’ve burnt the book long ago. If it were Sasukeanon and I, (who have fought in the past before mind you). I would be interested in doing whatever it takes to make things right. If it’s someone who I didn’t even know well, I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather protect my peace that’s already fucked by my Corporate job.

In conclusion, don’t talk to me about this anymore. Choose your sides, us or them. Or both. I couldn’t really care neither will I make anyone choose like an insecure teen. If you want to RP with my version of Itachi, let’s go! 💓 If not, that’s okay, there are other, lesser canon (sarcastic) versions of him out there. 😛

Peace out! ✌️ if you’ve read this much imagine me giving you a bear hug 🤗 and loads of kissies xx because holy shidddd I wouldn’t read this much ngl (Maybe I have ADHD) 😔😭

-Mod

[ladyfromaspookyforest]

This is in response to this post by @cluelessbees which was in response to this post by @howtobecomeadragon (this is so annoying of me, I'm so sorry). But I love to talk about the clothes in shows, so I couldn't stop myself. Both posts are good reads if you haven't already seen them. The gist of the first one is that Will's clothes in season 4 blend into the background and the gist of the second is that despite blending in, Mike is always aware of Will.

And I was thinking about framing. Here's the scene when Mike comes to talk to Will before leaving Lenora. This is the first time he manages to articulate since he's arrived that he misses Will and still wants Will in his life.

As that scene goes on and the camera focuses more closely on both Mike and Will's faces, we see less of the yellow wall and the dresser. As Will begins to feel more and more seen, he is positioned further in front of the white door.

When we get scenes of Will and Mike connecting, Will is contrasted against the background from Mike's POV, but he still matches the color scheme. It's like Will is intentionally trying to disappear but Mike can see him anyway.

He's also generally more visible in scenes when Mike looks at him versus scenes where we don't see him through Mike. Take these two. Mike never fully turns around to face Will in Suzie's room. In the second shot, he is fully facing Will and Will is contrasted against the blue sky.

And sticking out more as the scene goes on and Will begins to feel more seen doesn't only apply to Mike.

When he's feeling sad and left out in the pizza kitchen, he's standing in front of this yellow wall, but when we're seeing him from Jonathan's POV, he's in front of grey. He's more visible.

And some of my personal faves:

Once he returns to Hawkins, Will's yellow doesn't blend with the landscape anymore. He's surrounded by greenery and almost everyone else in the final shot is wearing blue. Because now that he's back, Will is being seen again. By the Mind Flayer (or Vecna idk). This is a great way to signal to the audience that Will's brief stint as background/B Plot is over. He's Important again. He's someone to be looked at.

[writtenjewels]

Day Twelve: Situationship

Everyone had their own way of coping with the stress of their mission. Garrus talked about friendly sparring; Gabby and Kenneth bantered constantly; Grunt just wanted to fight; Shepard bought fish and model ships. As for himself, Rupert kept to what he did best and cooked.

It was hardly the job he expected to have when he joined up with Cerberus. It wasn't even technically the one assigned to him. But once he heard what the mission was, he knew he had to take this on. The people at the top tended not to think about the little things. And there was nothing more simple yet more important than food in your belly.

One bonus of being the cook that no one ever considered was just how much gossip Rupert overheard while everyone was eating. That was how learned about all the tension floating through the ship.

It started with Joker. From day one, the man would not shut up about how much the AI annoyed him. He was constantly complaining about EDI interfering, or spying on him, or saying something that inspired the mute button, and on and on. It got even worse when she started doing things that messed with him.

“If I didn't know any better,” one of the crew members remarked after hearing a friend relay the latest Joker-versus-EDI argument, “I'd say he wants to fuck that AI.”

Gabby and Kenneth were more of a puzzle. Kenneth talked about the women onboard, particularly their bodies, but never seemed interested in pursuing things beyond that. Rupert felt bad for Gabby listening to that every day. Then he heard that they were recruited together. He wasn't sure which of them was brought on first, only that the other followed.

No one speculated out loud, but as the mission drew closer to its conclusion, Rupert was sure everyone wondered. Something might happen between those two when Shepard announced they were going for the relay.

The one Rupert really didn't expect was Zaeed. The only tenderness the gruff bounty hunter ever showed was in talking about his rifle. But as they drew closer to the final push, Zaeed's attitude shifted. He would wistfully speak of beauty and sweetness, and he would find reasons to talk to Samara.

He never suggested anything and she would have never agreed anyway. It stood as another sign that everyone was feeling the tension, and everyone was looking for a release.

One day Shepard approached to order a meal. The look on the commander's face was something like shell-shock, but strangely amusement as well.

“Anything wrong, Commander?” Rupert asked.

“I'm not sure.” Shepard thought about it for a moment before asking, “Is there such a thing as reverse propositioning? Because I'm pretty sure Mordin just did that to me.” Rupert raised an eyebrow. This he had to hear. “I was just talking to him,” the commander explained, “when he started talking about stress and our situation, and how species sometimes cope with it. He told me he wasn't interested in me that way.”

“You're joking,” Rupert snorted.

“I'm afraid not.”

Rupert didn't know what to say. This was why he stuck with food.

[screechingcheesecakecheesecake]

LAMBCAT. L A M B C A T.

Blaine talks time fcukerz:

Blaine is truly an interesting character. We've seen other characters who were pressured so much by their parents' expectations to the point that it broke them. Example, Prez and Whitney.

There's an interesting thing to me about Frederick, despite Leland being the way he is, right before Frederick went to military school, he was more innocent and naive. I don't think Leland is capable enough to raise his son like that so I think it was Blaine and Lance who was very permissive to him to be immersed in his hobbies as a child. Like, the thing about Frederick is that his trauma started because of the bullies, not Leland himself.

He never blamed Blaine for his trauma. He acknowledged that he and his brothers are too different and he never tries to take them down, even if he is annoyed by their meddling.

And the thing is, Blaine did see Frederick as a hindrance to whatever Leland is forcing, but the flames of competition is being fanned by Leland. Frederick never tried to take Blaine down for the throne or whatever. He just wanted to get closer to Gwen. Frederick NEVER knew about whatever Leland was planning UNTIL the proposal. He was literally just a pawn!

And that, after the fucking abuse Blaine experienced after the proposal failure, Leland had severed the ties between Blaine and Frederick.... Or so Blaine thought.

Blaine has been fighting against all the conflicted feelings inside him. Everyone telling him off versus how deep Leland's manipulation got to him Confronted with Frederick telling Blaine to kill him, it's really pushing him on the edge. In the end, he truly loves his brothers. He cared so much about Frederick that he beat up his younger brother's bullies.

I think Prez is such a great opponent for him because they are both extremely similar. Whitney was sort of telling him what he might become if he doesn't stop, but Whitney has become too passive for it. Prez is great because she'll really cut through him, she, like him, refused to acknowledge her trauma for so long. In other words I can't wait for the next chapter.