#me to my brain when I'm awake and coherent:

[ladylynse]

Something interesting to take note of in The Owl House’s final scene is how it both parallels and contrasts Amphibia’s.

For example, Luz states “it will be nice to see everyone after so long” is a lot like the Future Scene in Amphibia… which then gets contrasted by Camilla’s comment “you just saw them last week”

Not to mention, the Trio Battles gave me similar vibes.

You saying this just makes me want to rewatch both, something I sadly do not have time for at the moment but will try to plan for the future, but I certainly can see some parallels in how it wrapped up.

Edit: Weeks later, I come back and realize that where I'd initially watched this cut out the whole resolution at the end, pretty much chopping it off shortly after the credits started, and it's so much better when you take the ending as a whole. Also some posts I've been seeing make a lot more sense now; I'd been wondering where some of this stuff was coming from.

[gilverrwrites]

Something cute and smutty with either Tim Drake or Roy ?

AND: What about a one bed trope for Tim pls??

Dream a little dream of me

Tim Drake/Reader, ≈1.8K AN: I don't know if theres such a phrases as 'porn first, questions later' but thats what this is lmao. I'm glad theres an audience for Tim, cause as much as I love the other Robins (wink wink Dick), as a bisexual 90s kid, Tim really is my Robin, ya know? CWs: Somnophilia (but not really), dry humping, intercrural sex/thigh job, hand job, Petnames: Baby, sweetheart Tropes: One bed, friends to lovers, porn with feelings. GN!Reader

Sleeping beside you is neither new nor unusual for Tim. You’d been close friends for years, he’d crashed in your bed after many a patrol, you’d had film or study nights at the manor which always ended with you hogging his bed sheets, and in more recent years you’d huddled together on the cramped mattress he called a bed in the lower deck of his boat on multiple occasions. It had always been so natural and innocent, so why was this hotel bed any different? Well, because his budding, inappropriate crush on you had grown in the time since you’d last shared a comforter; Tim had been having not-so-innocent dreams about you.

Dreams where he got to touch, tease, and taste every inch of your exposed skin until you’re a babbling, pleading mess. Dreams where he silenced your breathy cries and begs by telling you to “be good baby”, spreading your legs, and running the tip of his cock along your entrance. Where you look at him with those big, dreamy eyes of yours right up until it’s too much, until he’s bottomed out inside of you and you can’t help but throw your head back, calling out his name as you dig your nails into his back.

“That feels... so… good.” The sound of your voice calls out to him, but your dream self is in no position to be speaking so coherently.

Wait, dream?

His mind is fuzzy as he wakes, still heavy with sleep, part of his brain tries desperately to clutch onto the fleeting imagery in his head until he realises two very important things;  

1. Your body is pressed against his. You’re turned away from him, but he can still feel your warmth, the pressure of your back to his chest, your ass to his… crotch. 2. His ‘crotch’ is rock hard.

Despite all instinct telling him to immediately pull away, he waits. Concerned his sudden movement might cause you to stir, he slows himself. Forcing his body to hold back so he can remove himself in increments. Just a little bit, and then a bit more, and more? He swears he’s doing it, swears he’s at least half a foot away from where he’d been upon waking, but you’re still pushing against him, still rolling your hips.

“Tim~”

It’s at this moment Tim has a third, pivotal realisation.

3. You’re grinding on him.

The sound of Tim’s low voice whispering your name against the shell of your ear slowly coaxs you awake. Every warm breath against your skin sends a rush of heat to your already aching sex. You’d been having such a peaceful, steamy dream in which your best friend, and secret crush; Tim had been tenderly rocking his cock into you from behind. As you take in the hotel room and the hotness of Tim’s body spooning into you, you can’t tell if you’re awake or still dreaming.

“Can you feel that?” His hushed voice pierces the quietness of the room and you’re not sure what he’s talking about until he surges forward, further pressing the hardness of his clothes cock into the curve of your ass.

“Yes.” You murmur, only intending to answer his question but your sleeply lust-ridden psyche keeps talking. “Don’t stop, I like it.”

“Yeah?” He’s so grateful you’re not looking at him in that moment, otherwise, you’d see the undeniable redness currently rushing to his cheeks. Even in the dark of the night, he’s sure it’s glowing through. “I think we’ve been humping each other in our sleep.”

“I’m sorry.” The fear of his rejection is immediately thrown out when you feel his lips on your pulse point, but you have to ask anyway. “Do you want to stop?”

“No, no, god no.” He trails soft kisses along the side of your neck, each one growing sloppier until he finds and fixates on your jaw for far too short a time. “You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasised about this. About you. I want you so bad.”

“I want you too, Tim.” A million and one thoughts run through his head in that moment. How much time had the two of you wasted skirting around the subject? What does this mean for your future and your friendship? The only thing he doesn’t think of as he absent-mindedly ruts against you is the one you ask. “Do you have any protection?”

“I have my Red Robin suit in my case.” It’s a dumb joke he can’t help but make, you laugh anyway and he thinks he might love you for it.

“No, but that’s okay. We can make this work.” You hear the snap of your waistband hitting your hip before you feel it. Tim had playfully pulled it taught before letting go to pull down his boxers. Getting the point, you take his cue, shimmying out of your own underwear just in time for Tim to reattach himself to your back and press his open mouth to your shoulder. “Spread your legs baby.”

As you do, Tim slides his cock between them. You wish you’d turned the light on so you could get a better look, but no force on earth could pry you away from him now. Understanding his plan, you don’t wait to be told to close your legs again, engulfing his length with the soft skin of your inner thighs and slowly beginning to rock your hips.

Tim reached over your body, grazing his deft fingers around your waist and across your stomach. A whine escapes your lips as he dips lower to rub along the length of your arousal, his cock twitches between your legs. Knowing it's so close makes you feel empty, makes you ache to feel him deep inside you, makes the tension in your core coil even more.

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re dripping.” He can hear the wonderment in his own voice as he glides his thumb around you. In response you clench your thighs even harder around his cock, making him groan into your neck.

It isn’t long before your grinding hard and fast around his dick, gripping his arm as you get lost in the moment. The combined sensations feels so good, and you can’t get enough.

Neither can Tim. He could never have dreamed that the reality would feel so good. He’s in awe of the way your body moves, of the pornographic noises you’re making for him. He can barely focus. He wants to hold on longer, wants to bask in your warmth and scent for as long as possible but your merciless rhythm and the feel of your thighs around his throbbing cock has him chasing his climax way too soon.

“Are you close?” He sputters. You answer with a string of incomprehensible whimpers and a weak nod. He isn’t even in you, and you’re already drunk on your best friend. You’d be ashamed if you had the capacity to care in that moment. “Come with me?”

It’s a question, not a command. This is a partnership, he wants you to feel connected, not controlled and that has your toes curling.

Simultaneously your thrusting becomes strained, and more erratic as his pumping grows faster, and sloppier, both of you getting lost in your highs but still determined to ride out the other, filling the room with deep, ragged breaths until you’re shuddering in his arms, savouring every last remnants of pleasure. The way his strong hands cup your body has you feeling safe in your post-orgasm euphoria.

It isn’t until you feel the moisture of your combined cum seeping into the fabric below you that you remember there’s a world outside of you and him. You sit up simultaneously, Tim reaches for the bedside lamp and is stunned by the sight of your sweat-sheened skin and heavy eyes when he turns back. Completely unaware that you’re thinking the same thing about his flushed cheeks and fluffy bedhead.

You gesture to the puddle you’re currently half-sat in and joke; “The hotel cleaners are going to hate us.”

Before you can exit the bed, Tim is on his feet and rushing to the ensuite. He returns a moment later with a roll of tissues and a damp cloth. You’ve rolled over, face down on his side of the bed in an attempt not to spread the fluids even more and he gets to work wiping the cum from your leg in slow, circular motions. It shouldn’t take this long, you both know it, he’s just enjoying the moment.

“That was really…” You’d wanted to fill the silence, but now you’re not sure how to finish, you don’t want to scare him away with your excitement, but you want him to know how good he made you feel. “Really wow.”

“Really wow.” He repeats with a teasing snicker, dodging when you reach out to playfully smack his shoulder. “What? What? It was wow.”

He’s teasing. With a 147 IQ, he knows a better word than wow, but he’s choosing to repeat yours, tone and all. It’s not like he hasn’t messed with you before, and you’ve always been able to dish it back, but now feels different. Now is different.

“So, I take it we’re not just friends anymore?” You ask as he climbs over you to work on the wet patch. Eventually, he finds a position kneeling at the bottom of the bed, and you roll over once more, now seated and positioned to watch him.

“Um, no.” He coughs, not to clear his throat but to prolong his time to think of an answer. Your gaze is making him nervous. He doesn’t know what you want him to say, doesn’t want to come on too strong and ruin your friendship, but he also doesn’t want to seem too lax, to make you think he’s just using you or that he’s not interested in something more than friendship. “Friends definitely don’t do that.”

“So, what are we?” You push, not missing the way his adams-apple bobs as he swallows back his nerves.

“I don’t know.” His chest immediately grows tight at the hurt look that spreads across your face. Fuck it, now or never. “But whatever we are, I’m yours.”

Your expression doesn’t immediately change, and he worries he’s misread your reaction. Assumed that you want him the way he wants you.

“If you want me that is.” He continues, trying to save face.

“Of course, I want you, Tim.” He hadn’t realised how tense the conversation was making him until he heard those magic words. In seconds you’re face to face with him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him close to offer your body as comfort. You’ve always been able to read and react to him so well, like you were programmed for him. “You can be mine, if I can be yours.”

Then he feels your lips pucker against his hairline, and despite having climaxed between your legs only minutes earlier, he’s suddenly more nervous than he’s ever been. Gently, you drag your lips down his face, leaving kisses along his brow line, his cheekbones, and his jowls until you're inches from his own lips.

Your eyes dart back and forth between his own eyes and his mouth, he licks his lips in preparation for yours and then you’re on him, lips locked, tangled in each other’s arms.

There’s a drying stain waiting to be cleaned, and a long day ahead of you both tomorrow, but right now none of that matters.

[roxygen22]

Any of these fever prompts with timothee pls and thank you 😊

Love you 😘

Link 🔗

https://www.tumblr.com/lawrencespen1777/751448171874533376/whump-fever-prompts-comment-your-favorite-im?source=share

Love you, too, doll! 🥰

Prompt: "You're not thinking clearly right now."

Tether

My fingers carded through Timothee's hair, damp with sweat as he lay unconscious on the hospital bed. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor must have lulled me into a trance-like stupor; I nearly jumped out of my skin when the ER nurse pulled aside the blue curtain.

"Oh, sorry hun. I just need to hang a new bag for his meds."

I nodded and stepped aside so she could do her job. I wondered what drug they were switching to now, seeing as how the doctor wasn't even sure why Timothée's fever had spiked high enough to trigger convulsions.

Flashbacks of my best friend writhing on the couch plagued my mind and seared into my brain. He had been feeling unwell for a couple of days and had to cancel a work trip that he was looking forward to. Knowing he would be bummed, I decided to go visit, bearing his favorite snacks and a couple of movies I thought he'd enjoy from my DVD collection. He hadn't answered my texts, so I figured he was resting. I used the spare key he gave me to let myself in and-

I shuddered and shook my head to clear my thoughts. He was more than just my best friend, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise because he didn't feel the same.

I don't know what I would do if I lost him.

Once the nurse left, I resumed my position by Timothee's side, slowly drifting off as I rested my head on the bed, my hand clinging to his. I thought I was dreaming when I felt his fingers clasp mine. I quickly sat up, blinking and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I couldn't tell if hours or just minutes had passed.

"Hey," he said through a strained whisper as we locked eyes.

"Oh, Timmy, you're awake!" I lifted and kissed the back of his hand and pressed it to my cheek. "I was so scared."

"How did I get here?" he questioned, looking around as he became more lucid.

"I- I found you. I came to check on you, and...and-" The dam broke, releasing the flood of tears that had been held back by a thin veil of adrenaline. He flipped his hand to gently wipe them away with his thumb.

"You have a knack for always being there when I need you. [Y/N], I- I love you."

"I- you-?" I struggled to form a coherent response as my face contorted in disbelief. I loved him dearly but never thought he saw our friendship as anything more than that.

"[Y/N], I could hear your voice while I was out. I grabbed onto it like a tether. I wanted desperately to come back to you. The thought that I may die without ever telling you how I feel was killing me over and over again. I love you and I want to marry you."

I felt my jaw drop as my words failed me. Time crawled before my neurons fired again. "Timmy, I- I love you, too. So, so much. But I'm afraid you're not thinking clearly right now. How about we talk about this later so you don't say something you regret. Who knows if these meds have made you loopy. They wouldn't tell me anything." I stood and anxiously walked around the bed to look at the IV bag for a clue of how genuine his declarations were.

Timothée shook his head and grabbed my hand again with surprising swiftness for someone who just regained consciousness only a few minutes prior. He nervously rubbed his thumb over my left ring finger. His eyes brimmed with tears, and his voice cracked. "My [cleared throat]- my only regret is not saying it a long time ago. I know it's a little backward to ask you to marry me and then ask you out on a date, but -"

"Ask me again when we aren't in a hospital, and I will say yes to both." I bent down and kissed him gently for the first time, but certainly not the last.

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

@croatianprincess @bluizh @jindongdongie @groovy-lady @pmak2002

[burningcheese-merchant]

burningcheese evidence part 2 because yes

I'm kind of foaming at the mouth right now, I'm not really going to be 100% coherent in this post, episode 6 has melted my brain and I need to cool off (also I have actual work to finish irl lololol)

Spoilers under the cut, don't want to be That Asshole

Also for the 1,000th time, it is perfectly okay and understandable if you do not like this ship, I'm not holding a fucking gun to anyone's head, I know it's not really canon or anything, just let me have my dark hero/villain relationship in peace

"Hey where's Golden Cheese? Is Golden Cheese awake yet? Can she wake up now? No? Why isn't she awake? I want her to wake up already, why won't she wake up already? It's implied that I've asked this question multiple times, when will someone give me the answer I want? I want her here, I want her attention, I want her to wake up already-"

He thinks so highly of her in his Joker-esque way. She's so strongggg. He knows she's strong. Why wasn't she strong before? This isn't like her, he knows that. He knows her. He knows she's strong. He wanted to see her be strong. What happened?

Wanting to straight up get high with her. Wanting to watch her let loose. Calling her a combination of "little thief" and "little bird", two pet names the BurningCheese community (spearheaded by yours truly) has had Burning Spice assign to Golden Cheese

"I KNEW SHE WOULDN'T DISAPPOINT ME" bro thinks the whole damn world of her and had faith she wouldn't let him down, look how fucking happy he is she broke out of prison. She's just like him right now fr fr

She's giving him precisely what he desired, which is a struggle. Which is a chase. Which is a hunt. Which is a FIGHT. Which is HER. HE WANTS TO HAVE FUN WITH HER.

Bro is literally SMELLING her everywhere dude. He's attuned to her. To her presence.

"Hey bring her back to me, I miss her. But I swear to God, if y'all hurt her, if y'all ruffle a single one of her feathers, I will KILL YOU, YOU GOT THAT? SHE'S MINE! ALL MINE! BRING HER TO ME ALIVE AND THAT'S IT! YOU GOT IT?!?!?!"

God the cute sing-song voice I can't right now. Jesus Christ, my guy. Calling to her like that, really??

Sniffing her out again because he's fucking deranged and obsessed with her. He's got her whole essence on lock. Tracking her down like a fucking bloodhound. He's hungry for her, he's STARVING, he's BARKING MAD THAT ANYONE IS TRYING TO GET IN HIS WAY

Little bird? Little bird?? Little bird??? LITTLE BIRD??????????

THE NAME I HAD HIM GIVE HER IN MY FIRST BURNINGCHEESE FIC, WHICH I WROTE DAYS BEFORE THIS FUCKER EVEN RELEASED? THE NAME ALL THE OTHER SHIPPERS HAVE HAD HIM CALL HER TOO? YOU CANONIZED THAT? YOU MADE IT REAL? YOU MADE THE PET NAME HE HAS FOR HER REAL??? I CAN READ THIS IN A DIALOGUE BUBBLE FOR REAL? THIS IS IN THE GAME FOR REAL? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW???

"How good it is to see you in one piece" SMILING AND LAUGHING BECAUSE HE'S GLAD SHE'S OK? TELLING HER SO TO HER FACE? MY GUY

Every step she takes that is wrong to others is right to him. Bust out of jail? Yes good I like that, I want it, I knew she wouldn't disappoint me. Lead him on, make him chase her, have them play hide-and-seek? Yes good, this is fun, I love the thrill of a chase, I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE I CAN FUCKING SMELL YOU I CAN FEEL YOUR FUCKING SOUL YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME LITTLE BIRD. Not taking his own goddamn power back? What kind of fool would make such a stupid, regrettable decisi- JK HE'S GLAD HE MADE THIS DECISION, THAT MEANS SHE CAN BE HERSELF AND KICK HIS ASS STILL, THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED, THIS IS EVERYTHING HE WANTED, SHE IS EVERYTHING HE WANTED! YES! (Also, one Freudian slip of several where he says it's HER Soul Jam and not HIS. He's already handing it over to her in his mind. Why? Why tho? Didn't he want it back? Guess not, huh? Guess having the pretty cheese lady beat his ass was too much of a turn-on, huh???)

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL? HE SAYS THIS TO HER? WITH THAT FACE? WITH THAT TONE OF VOICE? SAYING SHE'S LOVELY? THAT WHAT SHE'S DOING IS LOVELY? CALLING WHAT THEY'RE DOING A "DANCE"? TELLING HER TO KEEP IT UP? TELLING HER HE'S THOROUGHLY ENJOYING THIS?

HE KEEPS TRYING TO REASON WITH HER. HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK TO HER, TO GET THROUGH TO HER, TO GET IT INTO HER PRETTY LITTLE BIRD SKULL THAT HE'S RIGHT. THAT DESTRUCTION IS THE ONLY WAY. Why go to that trouble? Why does he give a single, solitary fuck what she thinks or feels? Why even bother speaking on the matter at all, if it's a fundamental truth in his eyes already? WHY KEEP TELLING HER TO FIGHT, TO KEEP PUSHING, UNTIL SHE UNDERSTANDS HIM? WHY DOES HE WANT HER TO UNDERSTAND HIM? WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? And what's this about "and see the day"? Didn't you want to kill her, Burning Spice? Didn't you want to crush her, break her to pieces? Was that another Freudian slip there? Did your mask fall off for a second? DO YOU NOT ACTUALLY WANT HER TO DIE? DO YOU WANT HER TO LIVE, TO STAND UP AND FIGHT, JUST SO SHE'S FORCED TO RECKON WITH THE TRUTH OF YOUR PHILOSOPHY? WHY DO YOU CARE, MOTHERFUCKER? HUH? WHY???

"Stop teasing me" my brother in the Witches we ALL know you don't mean that. You've been BEGGING her to tease you the past two fucking chapters. Stop lying you dumb fuck, your face is giving it all away anyway

He's still clamoring for them to get fucking high together, honestly wtf is wrong with him? Drug-fueled combat, is that his kink? Also boy he sure has a vested interest in her enjoying their battle, doesn't he

She wants more? She wants more of him? She wants more of what he's got? She wants more fun? She wants him to strike a pose that clearly shows off his arms and chest more? YOU GOT IT BABYGIRL-

"You would destroy everything you have, just to get to me?"

"FUCK YES!!!"

My guy. My man. My cookie. My bro. My dude. Your mask fell off. Your mask fell off, my guy. You just told her point-blank that you'll kill people to get her. You'll blow up your own house to get her. You'll trash everything you ever owned to get her. You even have excuses ready to go to justify it. "Oh, it's all garbage, if you want it go ahead. This place ugly as fuck, I hate it, I wanted it gone anyway." Burning Spice. Burning Spice Cookie. You just admitted out loud that you are so obsessed with her that you will tear down your entire life for her. You just told her that to her fucking face, with a big, dumb grin. You've got the "happy" sprite equipped, buddy. You're HAPPY to tell her in no uncertain terms that all that matters to you is going after her. Fighting her. Getting to her. HER. ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU IS HER!!!!!!!!! YOU JUST FUCKING SAID THAT SHIT OUT LOUD!!!! CAUGHT IN 4K AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN MAD!!!!! YOU'RE NOT EVEN DENYING THE ALLEGATIONS!!!! THIS CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU IN COURT, BURNING SIMP COOKIE!!!!!!

If he doesn't compliment her in some way, even indirectly, at least once per conversation, he will spontaneously combust. Pointing out how different and interesting she is, how she breaks the mold, how she defies the cycle of change and history even after it's already chewed her up and spat her out. Just say you want to put your dick inside of her, dude, please this is fucking embarrassing-

Ok nvm bro is straight up having the biggest, hottest orgasm of his entire fucking life right now, he's straight up speechless, he says like 3 coherent words to her after she awakens and then he's just looking like THIS and smiling so hard his damn is about to be split open by that ecstatic grin. Laughing his stupid, horny, obsessed, creepy ass off. Bro looks like he's CHEERING FOR HER in this shot, are you fucking kidding me? He's HAPPY she got back up, he's HAPPY she got a power boost, he's HAPPY she's kicking his ass, JUST LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE, HE'S SO IN LOVE IT HURTS

And last, but not least:

Was this really necessary lol

BurningCheese is canon, Burning Simp Cookie is down terminal, we can all fuck off home and die now, I will now be ascending to Heaven (for 5 seconds before God smacks me back down to Hell, because no way I deserve paradise for all of my bullshit lol), thank you goodbye

[applesaucesims]

After a while of laying awake with his thoughts, Louis had only just fallen asleep, when he heard the faint melody from "Waltz of the Snowflakes." Of course, he immediately knew whom he was going to find sitting on his desk. He had not dreamt of dancing with his nutcracker in a while, especially since taking real ballet classes, and he was a little confused why he'd appear again now. There was no need for Sammy to teach him anything that he could learn from his teachers anyway.

The mention of his teachers was immediately regretted, when Sammy suddenly disappeared in a shimmering cloud, instead appearing right next to Louis - but looking and sounding just like Miss Lambert. Louis was barely able to stutter a few words, when the figure next to him disappeared again, appearing in front of him as Mr Booth, gently caressing his face.

The thoughts were racing in circles inside Louis's brain. Only when he covered his eyes, letting out a quiet mix between a scream and a groan, could he finally utter some coherent words again. Sammy seemed to think his humiliation was the funniest thing in the world, as he could hardly stop laughing at him. However, he was quick to make up for it, spinning the topic back to the dance he promised to begin with. And dance they did.

[TRANSCRIPT]

Sammy: *humming Waltz of the Snowflakes (from the Nutcracker)*

Louis: *yawns* "Sammy?"

Sammy: "That's me."

Louis: "What are you doing here?"

Sammy: "I'm here to teach you dancing, dummy!"

Louis: "You know I've got teachers for that now, right?"

Sammy: "Is that so? My mistake."

Sammy/Renée: "You'd prefer someone more... authoritative?"

Louis: "Uhm, I-"

Sammy/Albert: "Or perhaps someone... stronger?"

Louis: "M-maybe-"

Louis: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Louis: "Why are you doing this!?"

Sammy: *laughs* "You should see your face! That's true entertainment!"

Louis: "I think it's pronounced 'embarrassment.'"

Sammy: "Ah, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

Louis: "It's not like you can tell anyone."

Sammy: "True, but I can dance!"

Louis: *laughs* "You still want to?"

Sammy: "Of course! That's what I'm here for, isn't it? Just like old times?"

Louis: "Well, almost. I've had some training now!"

Sammy: "Well then? Let's see what you've got!"

[jbird-the-manwich]

I was talkin to a friend about covid yesterday and like... I haven't seen a lot about it lately but talking about it got me thinking about how absolutely fucked up and freaky, in hindsight, my last bout of covid was, like... if you've not had it/been asymptomatic, I love that for you, but like... seriously. do still be doing the masking if you can, avoid crowded places with poor ventilation as you're able, try to keep a handle on not letting strangers breathe directly on you, etc. I got the shit last year, before thanksgiving, KEPT it till this spring, (long covid) and it fucking sucks.

Like. It SUCKS. it SCARY sucks. I had nausea, chest pain, tachycardia, extreme weakness and fatigue... like... I had OG-covid, back in 2020, and another couple bouts in the years since then, but that last one? that particular Covid was not fucking playing with me.

That shit tried to kill me. I had a fever so high I was having delirium. I didn't experience any weird horniness, like in the meme, personally, but I did have weird SCARY neurological symptoms, I was so nauseated I wanted to die, the fever (which was recurrent, and intermittent, at 104f, for *months* off an on) had me acting fucking weird, I'd get nauseus, then super aggressive and fighty, had episodes of extreme confusion, not being able to remember simple words and phrases, (I don't mean standard adhd either I mean I could barely talk coherently at times, when I wasnt fucking losing my shit rambling about nonsense) random crying spells, tremors, inability to stay awake, It affected my memory, my ability to walk, and still affects my basic levels of strength and ability to do shit.

for real the shit is serious. I went to the hospital and my tachycardia was so bad the nurse pulled my sister aside (who is not authorized to receive any information, btw) and told her not to let me leave the hospital because they thought I was going to have a heart attack. Cuz my heart rate was so fucked from the fever. I was fucking holding on to walls and shit, could barely walk, I was taking phenergan so consistently it straight up stopped working, and I'm negative, now, but like... I lost 20 lbs by the end of it. No shit. from 151 to 129. and I'm still not entirely better.

I'm still having memory issues, I barely remember the last year aside from bits and pieces, and the fatigue is fucking unreal. like. I was *stout*, pre-covid, and had a pretty solid vocabulary, and now I feel like half my brain is missing. my energy levels are on the upswing, but that's taken months, and I'm still not half as strong as I was before I got that last round last year, so like... I know not a lot of people are masking, and very few people are still talking about it, out and about, but like... seriously. it is real. It is fucking debilitating. it can affect your goddamn brain.

Do try to avoid getting that shit. I would not recommend it. As diseases go? It's a total bitch. wear a mask if you can. I was a *very* fit, quite strong 30-something, built like a brick shit house, and I lost almost *all* of my muscle mass, and it feels like I got *extremely fucking dumber*. I had projects I was working on, and I don't remember how they were supposed to go together. in the span of less than a year, cuz fuckin covid set up in my (vaccinated) body and was like "oh, I think I'll stay". So yeah. not a hot news topic, right now, anymore, but... for real. It is still there, and it will fuuuuuuuuuck your whole shit up. I am *still* having to have blood panels run, pretty much every doctor I see is just like. "huh. Well that's... pretty shitty..." And I mean im very lucky. I'm alive and mostly undamaged, barring a couple things, but yeah. It is for real still a thing and will totally wreck a whole ass year, if it takes a mind to, so... try to avoid it, where you can. Get vaccinated, if you're not, wear a mask, if able, and don't listen to the people that aren't taking your safety into consideration in their rationale for not taking it seriously as a potentially debilitating disease, particularly if you have any kind of pre-existing risk factors, including previous covid infections. I don't wanna scare anybody but like... the shit is real and it will lay you low, is, I guess, is the point I'm trying to make.

[tildeathiwillwrite]

Whumptober Day 31

31 ASKING FOR HELP | Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well."

Whumptober Prompts List | Masterpost

Hero x Villain Masterpost

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 800

Tag List: @fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @pigeonwhumps @mr-orion @scaewolf

@the-ellia-west @doctorsawyer @pinkrangerv @aloafofbreadwithanxiety

CW: nightmares, insomnia, self-deprecation

A/N: Aaaaaaaaand that's a wrap for Whumptober 2024! Thank you so very much to all the lovely people at @whumptober who organized the event and helped reblog!

I felt like writing a sort of fluffy Hero x Villain snippet because I love seeing these two helping each other overcome their traumas after everything.

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The kitchen was silent, save for the constant drip… drip… drip of the coffee pot and the soft humming of the refrigerator.

Villain folded their arms and leaned against the counter, watching the dark brown liquid pool in the bottom of the glass carafe, ignoring how raw their eyes felt, how much their body craved sleep. Their body desired sleep, but their brain wouldn’t let them truly rest.

“Villain?”

They jumped as Hero appeared in the doorway, rubbing the exhaustion from their eyes. “Uh… ‘morning.”

“It’s…” Hero squinted at the wall clock, “it’s three a.m. What are you doing making coffee?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Villain replied matter-of-factly. “Happens from time to time. I usually just get an early start.”

Hero frowned. “How often?”

Villain shrugged. “Does it matter?”

Hero sighed and crossed the room to stand in front of them. “Villain, this is the third time in the past two weeks you’ve woken up at ungodly hours. The last two times I wasn’t sure, but… it’s the nightmares, isn’t it?”

“I…” Villain hesitated, gaze falling to the floor. “Yes. Usually I can just go back to sleep, but this one… it’s better if I get up and be productive than lie awake in fear.”

They couldn’t see Hero’s face and didn’t want to make eye contact, but they knew Hero was biting their lip in an expression of concern. “It’s just a bad dream,” Villain said quickly, “nothing really to worry about.”

“A dream bad enough that you don’t feel safe falling asleep?”

“Uh….”

Hero turned and opened one of the cabinets, pulling out two mugs. “You need to stop trying to cope by yourself.”

Something in their tone made Villain inwardly cringe. They opened their mouth to protest, but as Hero poured the coffee from the pot into the mugs and moved over to the fridge, the words died on their lips. Hero grabbed the cream off the shelf and the sugar bowl from the counter before moving to the dining table, gesturing with the milk container for Villain to bring the two mugs over.

Villain complied, sitting silently as Hero prepared their coffee exactly how they liked it. Hero pushed the mug towards them before sipping from their own. Villain waited for them to berate them with questions, and accusations about what other coping mechanisms they were hiding from them. But Hero said nothing.

Another minute passed, and Villain couldn’t take it anymore. “Why do you put up with me?” They burst out, gripping the handle of their mug.

Hero raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Villain pressed their free hand to their chest. “Look at me! I was your sworn enemy for years, I don’t even have powers, I… I’m….” They looked away, eyes welling up with tears.

Something brushed against their knuckles, and Villain glanced back as Hero laid their hand upon Villain’s. “Broken? Unworthy? Worthless?”

Villain didn’t answer. They didn’t think their vocal cords were even capable of responding, let alone forming a coherent reply.

Hero smiled softly, a knowing, reminiscing smile. “You remember when you saved my life, so long ago, and I asked you a similar question?”

Villain blinked. It wasn’t that long ago, only… only a few months. A few months that felt like a lifetime. “...yes…” they managed to choke out, voice breaking.

“You remember what you said?”

Villain was silent for a minute, which could have been an eternity. They nodded, slowly, as the memory came back to them.

“I care about you, Hero. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I abandoned you.”

“You saved my life,” Hero said, “you gave me food, shelter, a friend. And, later on…” their fingers laced with Villain’s. “I put up with you because I love you. Because I care about you. We saw each other through things that others can barely imagine, and we made it out alive, together.”

“I’m alive,” Villain agreed quietly, “I’m just not well.”

“And you’re lying to yourself if you think I’m well. You can’t get the help you need if you don’t ask. And that’s a hard lesson to learn when you’ve gone so long having to rely only on yourself.”

“I know how to ask for help!”

Hero rolled their eyes. “Asking Antihero for an extra pair of hands for vigilante work is not the same as inner healing.”

Villain sighed. “You’re right…” they mumbled, taking a slow sip of their coffee.

“Describe the nightmare that keeps you from going back to sleep.”

“Why?”

“So I can help you affirm that it’s not real, that it was never real, that it will never be real.”

Villain hesitated, suddenly afraid to confide one of their deepest fears. Until they realized moments later just how silly hiding it was. If anything, Hero already knew. “Okay,” they began quietly, “it always starts at the collapsed building where we rescued Youngest….”

[frogchiro]

So this was kinda inspired by your morax massage post and I hoped you might enjoy it. Fem reader as usual, they're married, extensive mentions of somno but they don't actually do it(morax loves those noises). I suppose this isn't full porn, just thirst, but bon appetit.

You loved him dearly, you really did, but your husband was an insatiable lover. Every night he fucked your brains out, left you gasping and gulping for coherence. So, in an endeavor to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, you'd suggested that he fuck you while you slept.

"Do you like the idea? Doing whatever you might want to your pure, innocent wife's pliant little body while she's none the wiser?"

A disapproving growl rumbles from his chest, and when he speaks, his tone is sharp with derision.

“Any common whore off the street can lie unconscious while I use her. You are not a common whore. You are my wife.” Morax lifts your chin up as he presses you into the pillows, chest to chest. “My wife is my beloved, the apple of my eye. My wife is not something to be used.” He moves to your jaw as he begins to mouth the skin under your ear, and you gasp at the press of his fangs on your skin. He hums in approval. “My wife makes the most beautiful sounds, when she is awake,” he nips your skin, and you give a strangled whimper, “and alert.”

“Calling yourself ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’. How absurd. Do you expect me to forget how you beg me every night, weak with desire? You may be my cute little wife, but you are not pure.” He kisses you again, long and passionate enough to steal the air from your lungs. Your foreheads knock together as he speaks, hot breath brushing your lips, voice deliciously hoarse with arousal. “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“You and I have a contract. A marriage contract, to be specific, which establishes that each of us have certain duties. One of my duties is to satisfy you, and vice versa.” His voice drops, even further than it usually does when he’s dirty talking. “And I will not be satisfied unless my darling wife is screaming my name loud enough to deafen while she creams all over my cock.”

I'm looking through my inbox rn and dear god this is a gem <33 it's been sitting win my box for so long I'm actually ashamed with myself ;;

If you're reading this nonnie please know that you're super talented and this morax piece brought me great joy and thirst for my dragon hubby <33

[madrone33]

THE WISDOM SAGA IS OUT AHHHH

It was SO much better than I anticipated. Like, I knew it'd be amazing to listen to - 'cause practically all of Jorge's stuff is - but I was less attached to Telemachus as a character than Ody, so while I was settled in for a fun time I wasn't as invested as I had been for the previous sagas.

Little. Did. I. Know.

HOW DO THE SAGAS JUST KEEP BEING SO GOOD LIKE WHAT JORGE DO YOU SLEEP

Anyway, now that it's officially out for everyone, here's 1000+ words worth of excited screeching/rambling/word vomit from my immediate reaction to the audio, when it released at midnight for me! (I'm australian, so I got it 15 hours ahead of the americans lol, but also means I hadn't seen the animatics from the Live at this point)

Also, heads up there's a lot of swearing and I wasn't very coherent, 'cause my brain-to-type filter was non-existent at midnight while in the middle of a HYPE adrenaline rush lol

I feel so awake rn, even though it's midnight lol.

Started smiling as soon as I heard him. He sounds so GOOD!! MICO you're knocking it out of the park!

"Come and give me a sign!" Ayyy the Athena motif!!

Ooh they merged MICO's audition way of saying "if you're dead... or just tooo far"!

"Can I do whatever I takes to keep my mum safe?" aww don't worry bebe Athena's coming!

"Where is the man who'll have to wife?" ooh they really did use the Man of the House lines!

And they dropped that it's been 20 years! That's good, a proper timeline needed to be established at this point or newcomers might get confused.

ohhh shit! That growled "Boy!"

(Also, edit from after I watched the Livestream: HE DID NOT JUST THROW A BOWL AT MY BOY OH HELL NO-)

"Why don't you open her room so we can" oh FUCK OFF ANTINOUS!

oh the LINE! The CHAMP line!

"If I fight this monster" THS MONSTER! It changed from those monsters to this monster, because while he might be having fun thinking of conquering distant monsters out in the world, the real monster is living in his home and he needs his father's strength more than ever and AHHH

(Another edit from post Live: he decided to fight for his mum's honour and thought he'd get a beatdown or DIE in the attempt and STILL put his fists up oh my goddd!! And also, HIM STEPPING INTO THE SPIRIT OF HIS FATHER AHHH)

Ok I hate Antinous already. Like, I really love his voice, it's perfect, Ayron did amazing, but Antinous? What the FUCK! FUCK HIM! And I decided I love Telemachus. He sounds so helpless in that last line 🥺 ATHENA STEP IN!

Listening to Little Wolf now! Oh god I'm scared for Tele

(Edit post Live: YOOO IT'S FULL ON STREET FIGHTER STYLE!)

"Wanna entertain me?" oh EW Antinous!

I just have a permanent stink face on rn lol

"Wanna entertain me?" Still ew, but also aww he didn't do the growl like in the demo

Clock sound effect! ATHENA!!!

she's giving TE/MO type vocal vibes, more than Act 1 Athena lol

"What's going on here??" lmao he's confused about Quick-Thought, like ody wasn't

"Uppercut him. Now." AYYYY FIGHT ADVICE

she's doing the verse melody but for him!

wait what'd she say? "I've no respect for bullies! Those who [something something] will!"

SHE CALLED HIM A DOG HA! What's a dog to a wolf hey antinous >:)

"One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined!" awww Athena <3

YES!! SHE'S SINGING THE CHORUS BUT IN HIS FAVOUR!!

the HARMONIES!!

"Oooh, maybe I pushed you a bit too hard..." lol she's too used to ody who is used to her

oh FUCK OFF antinous!

"Tell me, Athena, why you came to my aid..." wait WAIT HE SUNG THE "what keeps you up so late at night myyy friend?" MELODY??? HOLY SHIT!!

Ok that was awesome. We'll Be Fine time!

SHE CALLED ODY HER FRIEND!!

OMG SHE'S DOING THE "MIIIND" RIFF!!

awww she regrets <3

NO THE "SLEEP AT NIGHT" CALLING BACK TO ALL THOSE TIME ODY COULDN'T SLEEP FROM REGRET

omg but her HIGH notes

ooh? 👀 The line changed from "sailed to an island" to "and I didn't die?? What does this mean for HTD's "I heard he's on a diplomatic mission" line?

oh now HIS high notes!!

THEIR HARMONIES!!

awww their motifs mixing! <3 <3

(Edit post Live: lmao him trying to lean on her shoulder and accidentally falling through her instead XD)

Well that was nice! Time for LIP... What am I in for bro

AHA I was RIGHT! The music from the cover art reveal IS here at the start of this song!

OH HOLY HSIT NOT HIS "REMEMBER ME" OMG WAIT GO BACK

The "ohhhh" motif from Remember Them!

TIME DIVE! WITH LYRICS!

oh yo! THESE scenes! We called the Sirens, Scylla, and Thunder Bringer on the discord, but the lines that are being used are INTERESTING

(Edit post Live: the animatics are going CRAZY this saga!)

calypso time...

Ooh calypso's voice is much gentler than the snippets! (I'm determined to not let my bias against her character in the Odyssey colour how I feel about her performance, because Wangui is a lovely person, and her voice is beautiful.)

lmao the awkwardly long pause and then "... ANWAYS!" is always funny XD

the electronic elements when she reveals what she is!

"Time can take a heavy toll." uh oh what's that mean

Damn not the "all I hear are screams"-

...

... holy fuck. Um. My jaw literally dropped what. What. Ok first, her "ody" fuck that. Second, the LEDGE?? Um. UM. I need to rewind please

Oh shit

Oh my goddd JUST LET HIM GO

NOT THE OPEN ARMS NO WHAT THE FUCK NOT POLITES OMG EURYLOCHUS OH FUCK ANTICLEA TOO OH SHIT

no him calling for athena! 😭

the slow clock omgggg

YES GO HELP HIM HE NEEDS HELP

... wait I need to rewind wait shit I'm shaking

ok. Pause. That was.

I guess I called correctly, but it turned out to be a BIT of an understatement when I said there'd be an UNEXPRECTED EMOTIONAL MOMENT! What the FUCK. Oh god that was incredible and I teared up and ah fuck wtf fuck who gave him the RIGHT

TIme for God Games. Shit. Am I ready for Beast Mode Zeus??? No. But I'm doing it anyway! :D

ok that was beautiful. Also her calling him "father" was unexpected but welcome

"... Odysseus." commander motif!!

god I love his voice but I hate him

ok I love how he says "AphroDITE!" I'm smiling, I'm getting into this

also, wait why does he say "or" instead of "and" like the snippets did?

The voice teasers! Ah shit I can't believe I'm going to HEAR THEIR VERSES IN A FEW SECONDS WHAT. Also Hera's voice is VERY interesting!

Apollo? YO?? Wait wait I have to go back and actually listen to the words lmao his voice is cool!

oh the sirens??

Huh. I... don't really get that logic? Athena just said "yeah but they had it coming and now they'll know better" and he replied "understandable have a nice day"?

wow what is that accent? Lemme go back and understand lol

damn those went by quick. Also, not what I'd thought their issues would be. Tho I think someone called the sirens one!

ooh wait I've always loved aphrodite's, this is BEAUTIFUL. I need to go back to the start of the song so I can get her full impact after pausing so much.

ohhh she's the first one to reject athena!

Ares!!

"HOLD YOUR TONGUE NOW! HIS SON'S MY FRIEND!"oop you done fucked up ares

oh I LIKE hera's voice! It's kinda airy but still hella powerful!

damn my jaw hurts from smiling

I hear cheering 👀

ohhh THAT'S what he meant by "or"! Athena was supposed to face either the five gods or Zeus?

"You DARE to defy me!" DAMN Zeus! That growl!

THUNDER BRINGER CHORUS!

lightning bolt to the face lmao

oh? The Wotm motif?

wait. Is the. Is this the "anime character on brink of death thinks of their friends and powers up" moment???

(Edit post Live: shit, zeus. Someone call CPS)

"Let him go..." oh wait that's IT?? NO WHAT SHIT

... lemme hear that end bit again.

WAIT reading through the comments and JORGE'S DAD VOICES HEPHAESTUS?? HOLY SHIT THAT'S EPIC! Now we just need his sister lol.

Oh that's right, I can see the cast now! Brandon McInnis as Apollo, POSEY as Hera, and Mike Rivera as Hephaestus. Nice.

It's 1 am now. Holy shit that was a wild ride. Damn. Hats off to Jorge and all the cast and editors and EVERYONE, that was absolutely incredible!! 💙🙌🏼🎉

... but also JORGE! WHEN I CATCH YOU JORGE-

[todorroki]

HEY GIRLS........ I'M DEAD (love sea ep 2 thoughts)

do you think mame watched kp and nodded to herself like "yes... exactly..." while rubbing her hands together because that's the only reasoning i can come up with for what we got today. anyways nothing too coherent will be said this week sorry. my mind is still [metal bar crash] [car siren] [truck horn] [glass shattering]

let's just say when i started this ep i was sitting upright on the sofa and by the 8 minute mark i was sliding down my seat, and by the time they got to the SHOWER? clutching the armrest, practically parallel to the seat cushion, scandalized as though i haven't been filtering by E on ao3 for years now. MY EYES! no warning full on horny beam blast to the brain. and i was wondering how they were going to measure up to their nc scenes in LITA. me to my past self: u know nothing. fool.

first line in is rak wondering about sex with mut like LMAO talk about setting the tone. i love this episode because the direction said absolutely no nonsense we're gonna dial up the horny right away and they're so valid for that. the tension was Chef's Kiss. when rak just went ahead and sucked on mut's finger i screamed (silently). mut's expression here is ME

tongrak's resistance is weaker than wet paper! what happened to don't go for him LMAO even the cockblocking seashell wound was forgotten by the time mut started sucking on his arm.

and MY GOD there was so much Tongue. OPEN YOUR MOUTH?????? HELLO??????? as someone who has greater-than-anakin levels of hatred for sand, i was not even CLOSE to thinking about the sand in this scene so hats off to fortpeat. drove the surrounding setting completely out of my mind. then the nc back in rak's room afterwards?? i was mentally screaming HEELLP! shooting terrified glances at the closed door by the tv hoping no one else in the house was awake because jesus peat was Moaning.. tongrak took ride dick bicycle SERIOUSLY! and fort's low "im expensive" and "woof" line delivery is PEEAK I SAY. SO GOOD. they've truly outdone themselves with this one. im practically speechless. and BEST BELIEVE IM REWINDING IT LIKE A MADMAN!!

this is Not the horny speaking btw, peat's face is so cute here. when his eyes go a little wide ↓

nc aside, the motorcycle ride is so cute. rak clinging onto mut with both arms like OKAY!! I SEE! mhm mhm olivia wilde nod

tiny break from our main couple- we get vimook this week!! even a forehead kiss and the preview for next week asking mook out?? wow we're moving fast!! side note: are those chanya's real tattoos? because the small flower one on her arm is pretty. also enjoying palm just popping up constantly out of nowhere. he's simply a chill dude.

i liked that scene at the restaurant a lot. both the scenery And the food on the table looked great. i think that was the first time mutrak actually have a nice, proper conversation with each other. and they were very sweet! we get mut's backstory, and a bit of rak's thoughts on his job.

now i have No idea if anyone else has this error, but when i watched ep2 on the iq app on my tv, there was a line of subtitle here right before rak says because it's fun, though there was no actual dialogue:

it was something along the lines of 'actually, it's an escape' which would match rak's line of thought in the book. but it doesn't show when i watch the episode on the iq website. not sure if they forgot to put the audio into the scene or what.

similarly, when mut texts kom in the scene afterwards, the iq site only has the punctuation while the tv app showed the texts' translation. same thing with some of tongrak's flashbacks at the end. i don't know if it's just on my end or anyone else has this problem! not surprised tho the eye kew site n tv app both operate terribly imo :-) why are the subs placed so high on the website :-) ui and ux nightmare :-)

my hatred for this corp aside, WE GET DIVING AGAIN THIS WEEK!!!!! i'm so excited to see the behind the scenes for this part. i love seeing the logistics of filming underwater. and because this one involves a panic almost-drowning scene, it must've been hell to film, especially if they had to do it more than once. really looking forward to it. the visuals so far in both episodes are killing it.

shoutout to fort in the wetsuit... he's so hot

i really like how they're slowly dropping rak's trauma in bits and pieces in these 2 eps. (and i know we're supposed to focus on the trauma, but my brain went 'omg peat with his hair down so cute' during that scene with rak's sister sorry). compared to mut, who spells out his past with ease because he's made peace with it, rak outright avoids talking about his problems.

also, i LOVE mut's character when he's being serious. any time fort's tone drops to talk lowly or softly, i ASCEND. please give fort more serious roles!!! he deserves them!!

and we end with the title drop tongrak mahasamut!

the ending song changing from rak by himself in the first ep to mut sitting with him in this ep is a nice touch! it's the little details.

overall, pacing for this ep was good. i love it more than ep1, though idk if my opinion is influenced by the nc frying my brain. also, the boy next world poster!! just in time for their workshop starting this week whoop whoop

as always, if you found this post and read til this point, thank you so much for your time! anyways, if you'll excuse me, i have to rewatch some uh parts of this episode again haha. my screenshot folder is um. quite filled. just like tongrak. alright im out.

[roo-bastmoon]

Fractured and Adrift

I was going to write a big huge post with lots of screen shots and chart data and analysis that I'd saved on my phone, but honestly I'm too sick right now to sit up and organize all that. If you go on twitter, you see in real time what is happening, anyway.

Bottom lines:

it's very clear to me that ads, payola, pay to play, vpn and other "networking" tactics that go against what BTS has always been about have pretty much come into play--for a catchy, but ultimately impersonal and generic, pop single that was given to only one member.

I'm not just disappointed, I'm gutted. I don't know where to go from here, as someone who used to take pride in being an ARMY and stanning artists who made it to the top the organic and hard way, by being genuine and talented and real with us.

As always, I look to my ult-bias, Jimin. His debut album was abandoned the moment he hit #1, yet he continues on with this company and to be a team player. He was with JK on private time during a couple's holiday. He's been filmed with and is likely working on some sort of project with JK right now. These are my cues. So without any further information about what is happening, I will continue to follow Jimin's lead.

I am a person who believes in the potential and the very best of others until I just can't any more. But I also cannot hide from the glaringly obvious. Jimin was mistreated, and Jungkook was prioritized in ways I personally find dishonorable.

I don't know how much, if any, input JK had in this. He's got a Masters in Communications, a decade of industry experience, and owns stock in his company; but I also know that talent are very rarely given complete insight or say over sales and marketing strategies--that's external, executive business decisions. I don't know what conversations, trade-offs, or internal pressure came into play here.

At this point, I would say I'm very adrift.

I'm a good soldier. I bought the CD, I bought each version of the song, I added it to my playlists. But I no longer feel needed as a fan for Seven; I feel replaced by Scooter's dollars. And I don't feel any personal connection to this particular song, as catchy as it is. I was excited when the styles JK helped choose seemed to be an homage to Jimin's Face, but... now a lot of the elements of this work seem rushed and disjointed. I just don't know.

I'm very worried about what this rollout means for our 7, especially how they are supposed to come together in a fair and equitable way after military service. I'm trying to read through their book when I can stay awake long enough. Trying to trust and hope and manifest the best.

I wish there was more transparency, more communications around what the game plan is, and if the members are all on board with everything.

All I can think to do is to keep loving Jimin and the people who are good to Jimin, keep working hard for what I want and not invest energy and time into what I don't. I do believe that Jungkook and Jimin love one another.

But I'm... fracturing... inside. It hurts.

I'm very ill. Maybe I'm just too emotional right now because I'm so sickly. Maybe I just need more time and more data to have a more rational perspective.

All I can think to do is hang in there and wait to be more anchored in facts before I can decide what all this means--for Jikook, for BTS.

I'm sorry if this post isn't very coherent. I'm on a bunch of steroids until I can get to a specialist and the brain fog is immense. I'm gonna go rest now. I think I might stop posting memes and thirsts and other things for a bit, while I just focus on getting well. But I'm sending you all so much love.

Hang in there. Deep breaths. We will find our way. We will make our way, if necessary.

[amberstormblade]

It's almost 3am here so I'm gonna try my best to make this coherent! TwitchSMP Viking lives in my brain rent free along with about a million other Vikings. Recently, he got messed up in lore! And my brain came up with this idea and wouldn't let it go so here's T!Viking having a really bad time!

Ruby was sick. Ruby was sick. His sister best friend was sick and maybe even dying because some weird fourth dimensional being decided to destroy her body whenever she possessed her. Ruby was sick and Viking was doing his best not to panic but it wasn’t going very well. Especially since his head wouldn’t stop pounding. Part of it could have been that he hadn’t slept properly in days, too concerned that Ruby’s condition would worsen and that they would be left to suffer alone. He also kept thinking through the conversation he’d had with the other Ruby, trying to remember the moments surrounding his blackouts and failing miserably.

That’s what led him here, prepping another round of health potions in a brewing stand while simultaneously making up another batch of soup and trying not to scream as it felt like something was pounding at the inside of his skull. He’d take another potion in a bit and pretend he was fine for Ruby’s sake. He didn’t want to make them worry so it was best to just act as normal as he could until they were better. Once that happened, if he still felt like crap, he’d probably just hide away in some hole somewhere until things were better, more manageable. He laddled some soup into a bowl just as the potions made a gurgling sound, letting him know that they had finished brewing. He quickly chugged one and sighed as it gave him a slight reprieve from the attack in his skull then stowed the other two away to give to Ruby with their meal.

Viking walked the short distance between their houses and knocked on the door before letting himself in. Ruby sitting up and mostly awake was a very welcome sight, as he’d been sleeping most of the time to keep the pain and misery at bay. Gritting his teeth, Viking gave what he hoped to be a reassuring smile as his headache struck again, a sudden sharp pain spreading from his temples to almost behind his eyes. 

“Hey Ruby, how’re you feeling this lovely evening?” He crossed the room to his bed and set the soup in order to grab the potions out. He reached out a hand to feel for a fever and noticed it had gone down quite a bit.

Ruby gave a little cough and cleared their throat. “I’m actually feeling a lot better, I guess bedrest and potions really do wonders for a person. I think I might try stretching my legs for a bit tomorrow. A walk around the beets sounds nice.” They gave Viking a tired smile as they accepted the first potion from him, humming as it took effect.

“Oh? Are you sure you’re ready for something like that? Do you want me to come with you?” The sudden panicked feeling that had overcome him was making it feel like someone was going crazy on a drum in his skull. Viking knew he wouldn’t be able to hide this much longer but he needed to make sure his sister was going to be safe. He didn’t know what he would do if she collapsed by herself out in the fields.

She gave a slight laugh. “Since when were you so protective? Besides, I’ll be fine! Vintage is going to be with me. She knows I’ve been sick lately and wants to help keep me company, she’s just been busy. I’m sure you’ve been dying for some free time too, taking care of me for almost an entire week can’t be very fun.”

“Hey now! Don’t put yourself down like that, you’re my-my best friend, of course I’m gonna worry.” He stumbled over his words slightly, almost calling her something else, something that he wouldn’t know how to explain. “I’m here to help you out for as long as you need it, and that’s a promise. If you’re sure you’ll be okay with Vintage tomorrow, I’ll give you two space! I just, I want to make sure that you’ll be okay.” Viking could feel his eyes starting to water. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the conversation, the pain spiking in his head again, or a combination thereof. He cleared his throat and stood up a little too quickly, having to blink spots out of his vision. “You should probably get some more rest, can’t wander the fields while napping now can we!”

Ruby sighed a bit, tired eyes searching him for something they couldn’t quite find. “You better get some rest too! Can’t have you being a hypocrite.” They smirk a bit as they once again snuggle into their bed, soup and potions finished and energy slightly more depleted. “Good night, Viking.” They yawn.

Viking whispers back “Good night, Ruby. May your sleep be dreamless.” Seeing his sister actually comfortable for the first time in days was amazing.

Quietly closing the door behind him, however, he knew he was on a timer now. The potions never seemed to help him for long and the headache was coming back fast. He was starting to panic at the thought of being caught in such a weakened state so he did the only thing he knew. He ran. Passed his house, through the beets, down the hole, passed the cactus, not thinking about anything except needing to get away from any prying eyes, about needing to hide.

For reasons unknown to even himself, he ended up back at the clock tower, the place where things turned for the worst it seems. He’d had headaches before, had moments where he figured someone else had been in control but he wasn’t too worried about it since Vikings help Viking after all. Everything seemed to have shifted after Sapphire knocked him out. The headaches were stronger, more frequent and he felt like he was constantly teetering on the edge of something bigger than himself. The thought that maybe not all Vikings were wanting to be helpful was terrifying. He found himself resisting letting anyone else through but the more he resisted, the worse the pain got. He tried to safely make his way to the bottom of the cavern, not wanting to go in the tower itself and ended up slipping halfway, just barely landing in a pool at the bottom. Quickly crawling out and coughing up the little bit of water he had ingested, he started to shake and curl up into a ball. Something was trying to break out of his head, that was the only explanation for why it was practically killing him. Knowing he was alone down here and that no one would probably come looking for him for a while should have been a relief but it just added an extra level of pain. The first tears started to spill as he began to scream. Thrashing around as though possessed, he accidentally hit his head on a rock causing his vision to go white with the pain. He caught a glimpse of himself in the pool. He didn’t recognize his own reflection, face contorted in agony, skin pale as snow, his eyes almost didn’t seem to be the right color for a second. His own shrieks were echoing back at him and the shadows seemed to laugh and jeer at his misery. At some point, he’d rolled over to an area that was just pure stone, no moss covering it or anything. He pressed his head against the cold slab beneath him and started beating his hands against it to stop them from tearing out his own hair. This went on for ages, a performance of agony for a crowd of ghosts, echoes of a forgotten past cheering as it continued. His voice had died long ago and yet screams still crawled from his throat. Viking could barely move now, it was all he could do to just hold his head and hope it stopped soon. He couldn’t see anymore, vision too blurred and spotted to make anything out. Dry sobs wracked his body as it hopefully came to an end. Maybe the pain was finally gone or maybe he was too far gone to feel it. Either way, unconsciousness came calling and he had not the strength to deny it. As everything finally faded, he swore he heard someone calling his name.

[celestialtitania]

12 for the kiss prompts!!

Ahh this one is so cute!! (I definitely went a little overboard so here it is on AO3 as well!!) Thank you for sending in this one!! 💜🩷 #12: Sleepy/Half-Asleep Kiss from this list by @kisspromptsforthelovesquare!!

“Ladybug?” Adrien asked in surprise before immediately hating himself for it. 

The superheroine was curled up into a ball behind the dumpsters, looking dead for all the world. Her eyes slowly blinked open at the sound of her name, gaze remaining cloudy and unfocused.

“Chat?” she whispered.

And there was the self-hate. He should’ve transformed before waking her up, but Adrien couldn’t help himself. Out of concern, his knee jerk reaction had been to get to her as quickly as possible, forgetting he was out of the suit. That as far as Ladybug knew, he was just a random civilian. Or at the very least, nobody worth noticing.

If only he’d transformed. If only he could lie now.

“No, I’m sorry, Ladybug,” he said, “I'm not Chat Noir.”

Ladybug reached up, a gloved hand patting his cheek, even as she continued to lay there, looking for all the world a lifeless doll. 

“Oh, you're not,” she agreed, voice alight with wonder. “Who are you, pretty boy?”

She was delirious, he reminded himself firmly, but that did absolutely nothing to help stop the flush that was crawling up its neck.

It absolutely didn’t help when Ladybug began to lazily stroke her thumb back and forth on his cheek. 

Adrien’s breath caught in his throat; his heart was playing a staccato in his chest. He needed her to stop, he wanted her to never stop. 

“How are you so pretty?” Ladybug asked, her eyes flitting over his face. “It’s not fair.”

“You’re even prettier,” Adrien replied immediately. It was true. She was the prettiest person he had ever met, with a heart that was big enough for the entire world.  

Ladybug laughed— a soft laugh, the kind that dissolves into a sigh, warm and contented. “I don’t want to stare at myself all day long.”

“I do,” Adrien blurted out, before the implications of her statement hit him. Before he realized what he himself was saying.

“You want to stare at me all day, pretty boy?” Ladybug said it like it was all a big joke. 

“Always,” Adrien replied. He could’ve told her about his photo collection, how often he clutched his phone wishing he could talk to her, but he didn’t know how to find the words. Nor was she coherent enough to listen.

Ladybug smiled. “You’re the sweetest boy in Paris. I love you so much,” she said. Adrien froze. She did what now?

She yawned right as she finished speaking, pulling her hand (and his head) down as she did. Still frozen, Adrien followed without much (any) resistance. Next thing he knew, bluebell eyes were looking into his, an almost negligible distance between them. 

His eyes widened, as he stared back at her, unable to move. 

She sighed again, her warm breath hitting his cheeks, the scent of mint and coffee invading his nostrils. 

“I wish all my dreams were as nice as this one,” she whispered. Dreams? There was no time to correct Ladybug’s assumptions or even begin to comprehend what she was saying. 

Before he could even begin to react, he found his lips pressed to hers. His first thought? Soft. The pressure was unexpected but comforting. Then he regained his sanity.

What was he supposed to do? Return the kiss? Try to move? She clearly didn’t know she was awake, so did she really mean to kiss him?

His brain was racing trying to come but his limbs refused to cooperate. So instead, he just stayed where she wanted him. 

The kiss lasted for all of a moment, maybe two, before Ladybug stiffened. She pulled away, all traces of sleepiness gone now.

“You’re real?” she asked, looking a little horrified. “I thought…” she licked her lips before freezing, unable to do much more than stare at him.  

Adrien gave a helpless shrug.

She let out a squeak, clasping a hand to her mouth. Moving back to sit up, there was a terror in her eyes. “What have I done?” she mumbled to herself before looking up to meet his eyes. “I am so sorry,” she cried. Shame was flooding her features; she looked utterly miserable. 

“I wasn’t complaining,” Adrien interrupted. He would have said anything to get that look off of her face, but this one had the benefit of being the truth.   

“What?”

He’d never seen Ladybug look more confused in his life. And they’d faced some pretty perplexing akumas together. 

“It was you. I would never complain about that. You can kiss me whenever you like.”

“Adrien,” Ladybug shook her head.

“Besides, I have it on good authority that you love me,” he interrupted before she could try being self-deprecating. 

Somehow that realization seemed to be even more devastating to Ladybug. “I thought I was dreaming,” she half hissed, half wailed. 

“I love you too,” he said gently. He never had a problem telling her how much he loved her, but somehow it felt different out of costume. More intimate. Or perhaps it was the fact that this time he knew his sentiments were being reciprocated. 

Ladybug searched for something on his face. “I—,” she reached out for him before dropping her arm. “I’m in the suit,” she muttered, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t…Not like this.”

He wasn’t surprised. Ladybug was nothing if not a professional. And that was fine, just knowing she loved him just as much as he loved her was enough for him. One day, they would reveal their identities and would be able to be together, without anything getting in their way.

Adrien could wait. 

Until then…he smiled at Ladybug. “I understand. But how about one more kiss, for the road?” he asked, having summoned all of his courage to say the words aloud.

“I never realized how cheeky you can be,” Ladybug murmured. She seemed to be looking at him in a new light. 

He gave a wry smile. “Is that a no?” he asked, pushing his luck. 

Ladybug shook her head and that was fine. Adrien was only a little disappointed, but then she was placing her hand back on his cheek and leaning in.  

Adrien brightened. He began to lean in himself but before their lips could meet, Ladybug turned her face to the side, her lips meeting his cheek instead.

“That will have to do,” she said, pulling back. “I should get going.”

“You’re okay right?” Adrien checked, ignoring the way disappointment and butterflies were swirling in his stomach in equal measures. “I mean, this isn’t exactly the most comfortable place,” he said, gesturing towards the dumpster.

Ladybug grimaced. “I was cutting through here to get home and ended up falling asleep mid-swing. It had been a long night. It’s fine, I should be okay to get back now.”

Adrien nodded. “I’m glad.” He darted forwards, quick as can be, pressing a kiss to her cheek this time. “Get home safe, Ladybug.” 

She gaped at him, launching her yoyo and swinging out of there without another word. Adrien didn’t mind. 

He was fine watching her leave. He had a new hope now and it was all he needed to keep going. 

[gojoest]

ai i'm hugging you so hard!!! do you maybe have some cute gojo thoughts to share? he's been eating my brain all weekend :(((((

rika i am hugging you back just as hard!! i try not to think about him too much bc it makes me so sad right now but still it appears to be a mission impossible, he’s in every cell of my body, in each ridge of my brain, in my heartbeat :/

sometimes, when’s very very tired and falls asleep right away, he talks in his sleep. it’s very cute. often it’s a complete nonsense, chaotic and cut out sentences. but sometimes he speaks the most heartfelt things, very coherently at that — as if he’s walking you through his dreams, not the ones you see in your sleep but rather those you want to live, to see when awake. he speaks softly, with slumber in his voice. tells you how he wants to build you a house — with his own hands — where you will live together. he’d rather make it small so he could be close to you at all times. one floor’s enough, he says and — three rooms are perfect, he then adds — living room, kitchen, bedroom. each room tiny and cozy so his hands can reach yours easily, so when you turn around in the kitchen you bump into him and then cuddle for hours risking to burn the dish cooking on the stove. but that’s fine, you’ll order takeout. and then he tells you — we’ll have only one key! — because neither of you will ever have to go back home alone. one’s enough for us, right? — he mumbles. there’s this soft smile on his face, the one he shows only to you, even when in slumber. so yeah, he talks sometimes in his sleep. about his dreams. and you can’t help yourself — place a soft peck on his lips. he smells sleepy and tastes a little bit salty.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

All right, I did a post yesterday about the Cowgate incident of 2003, which started because I read the disappointing news that the site of the incident will be closed to the public when I'm in Edinburgh this summer, and I literally read it during a brief period of being awake in the middle of a fever dream. And then of course I made a post about it, because if you wake up in the middle of a fever dream, you always have to post about the real-life incident that most resembles the content of an actual fever dream.

This made me realize it's been a little while since I've actually watched that video, I went through a year or so of re-watching it at least once a week (mainly because it became a go-to re-watch when drunk, particularly near the end of the night when I no longer wanted to focus on anything coherent or longer than a few minutes, personally I'd never want to be at a comedy show while drunk but I do see why they'd do this for a drunk crowd, it appeals to that side of the brain), but I hadn't seen it in six months or so. I thought, I've probably been building this up in my head a bit in the six months of not actually watching it. The idea of Cowgate as a weird drunken fever dream (though one enjoyable thing about it is that besides Adam Hills and the entire audience I'm pretty sure the people involved were sober, as that was sort of the Chocolate Milk Gang's thing, getting their name specifically because they were the only people who didn't get drunk at late-night Edinburgh shows, instead they went for milkshakes across the road) had become a running joke in my mind and sometimes my Tumblr references, but at this point it's more of a symbol than anything else. After writing that post that ran with the joke of it being an iconic violent ritual, I thought it would be fun to spend some of my sick day at home re-watching the actual video, expecting to find that it just looks like relatively expected raucous comedy show shenanigans, not quite as mind-breakingly weird as I remember.

...Guys, it's exactly as I remembered. It's so weird. I've made multiple deep dive Cowgate posts before, but not for at least six months (I think the last time I did it one was for the 20th anniversary, August 26 last year, so almost exactly six months, actually), and I think six months should be long enough to make me allowed to repeat myself on the subject. Because there's almost nothing I haven't said before, but watching it again made me want to say it all again. And I do mean almost - I think I did discover one new detail while watching it between fever dreams yesterday. It's pretty good.

Okay, first of all, here's the video in all its glory:

I cannot emphasize enough how much the first time I came across this it was 2 AM and I had no context for understanding where they were or what was going on. Since then, I have figured out: it's a show called Late 'n' Live. It takes place on many nights throughout the Edinburgh Festival, at a venue called the Gilded Balloon. The Gilded Balloon is owned by Karen Koren. It burned down in 2002 and was rebuilt nearby, this video is from 2003, in the rebuilt venue on Teviot Place. The Late 'n' Live event runs from around 11:30 PM to around 3:30 AM and consists of a bunch of comedians who come on, sometimes to do their own sets and sometimes to do shit like this, managed by a compere, and after that they bring out a band and it turns into a dance floor. At this time, it was known for being a bearpit with a drunk and rough crowd that sometimes got violent. For several years in the late '90s and early '00s, it was famous compered by Johnny Vegas. It was then compered, throughout the early- and mid-00s, by Daniel Kitson. I mean I think there was some crossover, obviously they didn't just have one compere for an entire month and people besides those two guys did it too, some people had to get some sleep at some point. Anyway, these are all things that I know as a direct result of the rabbit hole I went down after finding this video and needing to understand what the ever loving fuck was going on in it. I actually know a lot more than that about Late 'n' Live, but there isn't time for it all right now. I've watched a four-part BBC Scotland documentary series about the history of Late 'n' Live. I watched a Tim Minchin documentary mainly because I like Tim Minchin but a little bit because it had a lot of the Gilded Balloon in it and that was relevant to my Late 'n' Live research. I have an entire folder on my hard drive called Late 'n' Live and it has too many files in it.

One of them's a gif of David O'Doherty throwing his entire body with abandon onto different things at Late 'n' Live in different years: onto Jason Byrne in 2003, onto the floor in 2005, and onto Daniel Kitson in 2007. All clips I found in entirely different sources and decided they needed to be together.

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. Already. Cowgate. The point is Cowgate. I named the incident Cowgate because that's the name of the neighbourhood where the original Gilded Balloon was, and, you know, it was a cow. A cow and what looked like it had to be some sort of scandal. I think it's very clever.

So here's the thing. After I first found that video, which seemed like a tiny relic of one of many moments of one of many nights on one of many years that this stuff went on, and I set about obsessively looking things up for weeks to try to figure out what they were doing, in the process I came across a second video that also happened to capture the same moment. Amazing stuff.

The former video was on the Gilded Balloon's YouTube channel, and seemed to have been filmed officially by the venue staff. This latter one was a montage of videos taken throughout the night by an audience member who apparently had whatever people used to film things at gigs in 2003. Wouldn't have been a camera phone back then.

This video shed a bit of light on some of the essential mysteries of Cowgate, but didn't actually answer many, and to be honest it asked more questions than it answered. Obviously, one of the main questions I had about Cowgate was "Where did the cow come from?" I'd wondered whether the Chocolate Milk Gang had somehow procured it, or whether they took something that was already there. Both options would open up a lot more questions, such as where did they get it, and if it wasn't there because they specifically put it there for the purposes of taking it apart, how did they get permission to take it apart?

The longer video suggests that it's the latter. It shows Daniel Kitson earlier in the night, messing around with the cow the way he might if its presence on stage were a surprise to him as well as to the audience.

The other essential question is "Why did they attack it?", and this earlier scene may suggest a possible reason. From the dialogue, it seems that Kitson jumped on top of it because the crowd told him to, and then the crowd keeps shouting other cow-based challenges at him, and he makes fun of them for suggesting challenges that are too easy (jump off it, touch it, etc.). The video then cuts, but it is possible that he challenged the crowd to ask him to do something difficult with it, and they said to tear it apart, and then it escalated. That scene seems to be from the beginning of the night, and we know the actual Cowgate ritual was the last thing that happened in the night, because right after they finish Kitson brings the band out and that occurs after the comedy ends. So it's possible that they could have come up with the challenge at the beginning, spent a few hours sourcing various weapons, and then done this at the end.

That theory of course brings up other questions, like how they decided on the weaponry. And, again, why they were allowed to do that. The answer to that question depends on where the cow came from, which I still don't know. I once spent a week looking up the International Cow Parade because I thought maybe it was part of that, but I don't think so anymore. It has the word Metro on the side of it, and someone in the YouTube comments called it the Metro cow. So it was probably an advertisement, not an art piece. But I wouldn't have thought your allowed to take apart a company's advertising installation. Maybe it was going to be destroyed after the festival anyway? Also, why was there a cow-based Metro advertisement on the floor at a comedy gig anyway?

I'd like to go through the video in further detail, as I've done many times before, but not for six months so I think I'm allowed a new one, and also I've come up with one (1) new fact (theory) so that's worth doing the whole thing again. I've just spent two days sick in bed, please allow me to indulge in this.

- Right at the beginning, the "three chances" thing still confuses me. That line really suggests that this is a challenge, not just a weird stunt, that they are being tested to see if they can do it. Possibly tested by an audience that was told to come up with a more difficult idea for something the comedians could try with a cow.

But what are the paramatres of the challenge? To take the cow apart, sure, but the "three chances" line implies more specific restrictions. Did they try this two other times earlier in the night and weren't able to do it? Perhaps tried it earlier with fewer weapons? Or did "three chances" mean three people are allowed to work on it? Doesn't seem likely, as Kitson jumped in fairly quickly and made it four.

- Adam Hills sounds like he's referencing something with "literally bottle it". I know "bottle it" is a expression that means "fuck it up", but I don't see how that's literal in this case. Was there a bottle involved? What would bottling it mean in this instance? Failing the audience's challenge? I don't even know for sure that it was an audience challenge, that's just a guess based on the beginning. It could be something else entirely.

- The part where John Oliver, Demetri Martin, and David O'Doherty scurry across the stage like squirrels makes me laugh every time. Why are they all bent over? What are they hiding from?

- David O'Doherty appears to be the only person who came out carrying a weapon. In the first shot of the guys attacking the cow, DO'D is hitting it with a hammer that he presumably brought from backstage. The other two are pulling on it with their bare hands. Then, in a detail I find hilarious, Demetri Marin reaches behind him and grabs what appears to be a chisel off the floor. I guess what probably happened is he did bring that with him from backstage, then put it down, and we just see him pick it back up. But the editing makes it look like he's tried pulling the horns, it didn't work, so he turned around and grabbed the nearest tool, like a character in a video game that just finds useful weapons lying around.

- It also makes me laugh that Adam Hills used his rap-based narration to make sexual jokes about the cow, while Kitson puts his hand over his mouth/in the air like a rapper, to show he's totally on board with this gangsta rap thing, but also, they have shit to and it's (presumably) nearly 4 AM, so the actual content of his lyrics is going to be to give useful practical advice on how to get this job done. Because they're not combining the tools, and you really need to use the chisel and hammer together or it'll never work.

I enjoy the way at this point, John Oliver takes just the briefest break from attacking a facsimile cow with his bare hands to look up Kitson, looking quite impressed with his approach to the situation. "Yes, thank you Daniel, finally some helpful ideas instead of just cowfucking jokes, now let's get that chisel over here."

- It can be hard to see in the darkness, but this whole thing is basically a Kitson and Oliver-oriented plan. Kitson shouts at DO'D to "combine the chisel and the hammer". John Oliver then points like he's directing a play, getting DO'D to bring his hammer to the other side.

DO'D does this, but puts the hammer down on the ground over there, instead of combining it with anything. That's when Kitson taps DO'D on the back like a pretend wrestler tagging in, possibly deciding that if he stays on the sidelines rapping all night, they'll never get this done and be allowed to leave. So he pushes DO'D out of the way, and takes his spot next to John Oliver. Then he reaches down and grabs a random chisel off the ground, again like a video game character. Then he reaches over the cow and picks up the hammer that DO'D has discarded (like a video game character), so he is now combining the chisel and the hammer. At the same time, John Oliver has physically taken the first chisel out of Demitri Martin's hand, and starts working on the same end as Kitson. Now they're getting somewhere.

- This is one of those videos that's funny every time if you keep running it back to watch the same eight seconds over but this time focus on a different person. DO'D tries to get in after Kitson straight-up stole his spot, leans in but can't find an opening, gives up and walks all the way around them both to try the other end of the cow because clearly the Kitson and Oliver dream team have this end sewn up.

- Then, there's a curveball: someone with the word CREW on the back of their shirt comes out of absolutely nowhere, and hands John Oliver a lead pipe, like a character fucking Clue(do, depending where you live). Where did this come from? Do most stages have large bits of piping lying around backstage? Was John Oliver supposed to bring it on stage with him but forgot it so they had to run it out to him? Or did those crew people decide that they're not making enough progress, someone had better find a large pipe and bring it on stage and hand it to John Oliver so we can all go home.

I've been writing this post so far while watching the official video - the one off the Gilded Balloon YouTube channel - but I think you get a much better view of this specific part from the way it was captured in the montage by an audience member. It's another part that I find incredibly funny. John Oliver is methodically working away with Demitri Martin's chisel and his own hands. Then someone hands him a large weapon, and he immediately raises it above his head like a sword and starts whacking the thing full tilt. Scares the shit out of Kitson on one side of him and DO'D on the other. They both jump, Demitri Martin just cautiously circles away.

In the words of a John Oliver bit that is long outdated but lives on in our hearts and my DVD collection... whaky stick. Whacky stick!!!

Kitson, after initially jumping, responds by choosing to imitate John's style, and starts raising the hammer over his own head to attack it with full force in the same way. While DO'D literally cowers in the corner:

And Demitri Martin continues to do what he's been doing since John took his tool away, which is to run his hands over the body of a cow like a mechanic sizing up a car. He has contributed almost nothing to this operation. I don't even think Demetri Martin knows how to take cows apart. Too busy turning letters into numbers and stuff.

- After getting over the initial excitement of waving a pipe around wildly, John Oliver employs the more thought-out strategy of using it like a lever, trying to prise it open at the seam. Kitson gets in beside him and starts attacking this same seam, striking the weak spot repeatedly with the hammer. In the background, DO'D and Demetri Martin appear to try jumping on the thing.

This is the strategy they're still employing the moment the cow finally comes apart:

I've observed this from multiple angles, and at first I thought Kitson deserved the most credit for breaking it, but now I think it was mainly John Oliver's work. Definitely a team effort though (or at least a dual effort, not sure how much the other two helped, though to be fair the bigger boys took their tools away). It comes apart at the exact spot where Kitson was hitting it with the hammer, you can see Kitson give it a hard kick, then one more strike, then put his arms up in celebration as this strike breaks it in half. But I'm pretty sure it was John's leverage from behind him that allowed him to split the thing.

- At this point they all contribute to pulling it the rest of the way apart; Kitson and Martin hold the top half while Oliver and DO'D take out the bottom. This is another part I find very funny - the way they're so matter-of-fact about handing it out to the audience. Look at John Oliver and David O'Doherty marching this across the stage like they're workers delivering a coach or something:

- Then the camera shows the cow being crowd surfed. The YouTube comments say: "The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door". In his lyrics, Adam Hills talks about taking it up the Royal Mile. The Royal Mile is the street outside, so all this suggests that they continued to take the cow outside and down the street. Was that part of the challenge? Was the initial plan to take the thing apart and then have it carried through the streets of Edinburgh? How far did this cow go?

- I have so far compared them to video game characters, board game characters, tag-team pretend wrestlers, a mechanic, and delivery workers. But my favourite thing to compare them to is probably at the end, when they celebrate like football players who've just won a big match.

"Great work everyone, good hustle out there, really pulled together as a team. Okay, now hit the showers. I want to see you all dressed and ready for milkshakes in ten minutes flat."

- There is so much going on in this video that I find it easier to not try to focus on it all at once, I have to do one thing and then backtrack. So now that I've gone through the whole video while looking at what the rest of them were doing, I need to backtrack and go over the lyrics to Adam Hills' song.

Question: Did Adam Hills think he was going to have to do this alone, or was he supposed to have Kitson co-MC-ing, but then Kitson jumped in partway through? Because I think the latter may have happened. Kitson was the compere for the whole night, as we see in the montage video.

Adam Hills If you had three chances Would you take them? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

As I said before: don't know what he's talking about there. What got literally bottled? Why three chances?

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty He's ready to shoot spaghetti He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

This is veering wildly off topic, but I just want to mention that that Adam Hills got his off the cuff "stage/all the rage" rhyme because he'd heard DO'D use it in a freestyle rap battle with Daniel Kitson, that we know from the montage took place earlier than night (another one of my favourite videos, but we don't have time to go into this one right now):

It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer Kitson's on the stage, he's [?] with a hammer

Again, how far did the cow go? They had clearly planned from the beginning (of this song, at least) to have it out on the Royal Mile. YouTube comments confirm it left the building.

David O'Doherty's going up the ass It's time to fuck this motherfucking class Fuck the udder (x4) Let's get this udder fucking cow out of here

After all the times I've watched this video, this is the first time I've noticed that Adam Hills tried a pun on "mother fucking" there. Glad he's having a good time.

Daniel Kitson Davey, Davey, what you need to do Is combine the chisel and the hammer

Finally, some useful fucking advice.

Adam Hills There's Martin, Demitri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin'

This was August 26, Hills' song mentions later that it's the last night of Late 'n' Live for that year, so the Perrier Awards had just been given out. In 2003, Demetri Martin won the main award over other nominees: Reginald D. Hunter, Flight of the Conchords, Howard Read and Little Howard, and Adam Hills. Adam Hills, who had also been nominated the previous year, when he lost to Daniel Kitson, and the year before that, when he lost to Garth Marenghi. So he is actually being, as a YouTube comment said, a pretty good sport to jump in and have fun about it. If I were him I'd probably resent losing out an award again and then not even getting to smash shit up.

John Oliver, he's the man If that pipe won't do it, nothing can David O'Doherty, he comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he's got a hammer He's also got one motherfucking stammer

I quite enjoy the way no one responds to any of this. Adam Hills starts calling them out by name, including bringing up Kitson's stutter and DO'D nationality and his awards rivalry with Demetri Martin, and none of them even briefly looks at him. They are all very busy and focused on the important task of destroying a cow.

It's time to break this cow down It's time to break this cow down It's not time to chow down It's time to break this cow down

I want this verse embroidered on a throw pillow. Actually, I think I want these entire lyrics printed out and framed on my wall.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send it out the front, send it out the... [cow breaks apart] Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Once again, talk of parading this thing around outside the venue. Where were they taking it?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

That, of course, is a reference to the Gilded Balloon's history. It burned down in a fire in December 2002. It's now August 2003, and they're in a new venue that was rebuilt nearby. Karen Koren is the venue's owner. I'm pretty sure Adam Hills is implying that she's going to burn down the new venue if the performers don't do well enough. Actually, he's not implying that, he's outright stating it. What he's implying is that she burned down the first venue, presumably for the insurance money, and she is currently outside ready to burn this one down too, if they perform badly enough to make the insurance money worth more than the shows bring in.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half!

This is like that famous poem that was allegedly written by a child about a tiger breaking out of its cage. Sheer poetry.

Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

What's interesting about this is that these are the lyrics to Stan, which is a different Eminem song from the one he was (sort of) singing at the beginning, which was lose yourself. This may or may not be related to the fact that Adam Hills is the only person in this performance who was not a member of the Chocolate Milk Gang, which was a group of comedians known for not getting drunk during or after late-night Edinburgh shows.

It may also be related to the fact that this is a clip of the Edinburgh show that Adam Hills had just spent a month performing:

So he had Stan in his head all month anyway, he was on stage and remembered he was supposed to be singing an Eminem song, his brain told him that the Eminem song he sings on stage is Stan. Fair enough.

Though it's worth noting that those aren't the correct lyrics to Stan either. The Eninem song says the clouds come up the window, not the sun. Why would it be all grey and hard to see if the sun came up the window?

Crowd surf the cow, people.

I want all those lyrics printed out in fancy calligraphy font. And ornately framed. And on my wall.

So that's Cowgate, in case anyone wants to know. But this is just stuff I've said before. I said I had a new detail, didn't I? Well here it is:

Who is that man, sat unobtrusively in the background, playing the percussion set? Of course we have no way of knowing, in such low quality video without any clear shots of his face. Or do we? Because here is a screenshot of Flight of the Conchords, sitting on that very cow, earlier in the same night! (We know it was the same night because it was taken from the montage of the whole night, which ended with a second angle on Cowgate.)

Am I wrong? I might be wrong, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think that's Jermaine Clement playing percussion back there. Based on the evidence that: He was there that night. He does play the drums. He's a bona fide member of the Chocolate Milk Gang. And he has the same vague outline and shirt colour as the guy in those screenshots. And he was in the background of the Kitson/DO'D battle rap video, playing guitar, so he does sometime play music to accompany other comedians doing weird shit at Late 'n' Live. My new detail is I think Jermaine Clement was on the stage during Cowgate.

It is cool, really. I mean, I'm obviously being vaguely ironic by treating this late-night comedy show stunt as a vitally important mysterious ritual. But I genuinely think that what happened there is fucking cool, if you look at all those people being on one stage doing something so stupid together, and then consider where they all went after that.

And if Jermaine Clement was there, that just adds to it. The variety and international breadth of all the different comedy careers all in one place just as they were on the cusp of taking off. I mean, by plenty of definitions some had taken off already, but they have all taken off significantly more since then. Almost as though on one night in 2003, they all sacrificed a cow to the gods of success and it worked. Of the main five people involved in the sacrifice rituals, there are three Perrier Awards (Kitson, DO'D, Demetri Martin - though to be fair two of those were won before Cowgate happened so I guess we can't attribute it to the sacrifice), an MBE (Hills), and a shitload of Emmys (Oliver). Which I think they should all bring in for the prize task of the Taskmaster episode that I imagine with those five as the contestants (it's okay, I think this is worth setting racial and gender representation on panel shows back by 20 years), the studio task is to take a cow apart, the winner gets all the trophies.

That's a lot of countries. The Australian Adam Hills, the British Daniel Kitson, the American Demetri Martin, the Irish David O'Doherty, the Kiwi Jermaine Clement, and the now-British/American John Oliver. All with wildly different types of careers. All, for different reasons, among my favourite comedians. I have seen or heard all of the official video or audio stand-up releases by all six of those people (and possibly 1 or 2 or several hundred or so unofficial ones as well). And not because of this video or anything, I sought them out because those are among my favourites and then they were all on stage doing this unhinged thing together.

It's the great mystery of my lifetime, I still want to know where the fuck they got that cow. And I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to see the stage where it happened when I go to Edinburgh this year, but it's all right, I'll look at the outside.

If I ever get to meet any of these people, this is the first question I'm asking. No I don't need to know anything else about your career, just please tell me, what the fuck was going on with that fucking cow in 2003?

[duchessonfire]

Hi! I literally just woke up to the notification of the last chapter and absorbed it into my brain immediately. I'm definitely not awake or coherent enough for a real, thoughtful comment yet but ahhhh hhhhh asdfghjkl it's so good. It's SO GOOD oh my god!

When I'm for reals awake you'll get more from me but I wanted to shout at you asap, thank you for your writing, it's PERFECT 😍

Aaaaaah thank you so much, I'm so absolutely thrilled you enjoyed it 🥰 This chapter has been a long time in the works (3 years!) so I'm beyond overjoyed to finally be able to share it.

The story has changed quite a bit since I started posting this fic but the "I get something, you get something" part was there from the start. I was a lot of work to build up to it properly so I'm happy you enjoyed it.

For anyone curious about the fic, it's from a The Walking Dead, Carl/Negan series that you can find here: