#me personally if i was megan i would Die

[stars-and-birds]

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

absolutely obsessed with Megan reminding us all with this album that she is a massive fuckin anime nerd and she’s STILL hotter than any of us

[kenjioharashotspot]

🎥 | the campaign

pairing: kenji sato x fem!reader

words: 3758

synopsis: [name] [surname] is a world-renowned model and was scouted to do a campaign with Japan's sweetheart, Kenji Sato for the well-known brand, Calvin Klein.

author's note: the one-shot is intended for mature audiences, as it contains sexual descriptions.

Owner of a caring personality and a body to die for, [name] [surname] has conquered an assertive place in the industry as one of the highest paid models. You always wanted to pursue a career in modeling; living abroad and helping out your family as you climbed the social ladder with the main goal of rubbing shoulders with the most influential people. It seemed to you, like an amazing idea, and closer to obtain than you could ever imagine.

In this particular day, [name] was absolutely stoked about the new campaign ahead! She had been working out, taking care of her body and maintaining a healthy diet. Everything in her power to be as prepared as possible for the photoshoot, later in the day.

At this moment, Reika, your best friend and manager, is lecturing you about how everything is going to happen. Brand details; location; the campaign itself...you always loved to get ready for a photoshoot. The thrill of meeting a new team was different every time and the butterflies, anxiously flying inside your stomach were no different as well.

"So, Reika, can you please stop with all this secrecy thing and tell me about the campaign! I know it's a "couple's" photoshoot so...who'll be my pair??" your air quotes, paired with your disgusted expression and eye roll, made Reika laugh at the sight of you. She knew the time would come, when she would have to reveal it to you...she was hopeful your attitude about it would be professional. She knew how much you hated Kenji Sato.

"Sooo...you'reshootingthecampaignwithKenjiSatothat'sit" the manager's fast speech caught you off guard, [name] could tell the information Reika had for her wasn't gonna be to her liking and she was right.

"Can you stop joking around and just tell me, like a normal person?"

Sure, she could announce that information to you but Reika knew that, even though your job required professionalism and seriousness, you couldn't maintain those attributes when it came to working; interacting; or even talking with/to Kenji. Reika knew how you fell about him and, consequently, your reaction was deeply awaited by the woman in front of you.

"You're shooting the Calvin Klein campaign with Kenji Sato... — you open your eyes, as wide as you possibly can, Reika doesn't even let you start a sentence, immediately interrupting your train of thought — I know! You don't like him and even though, I'll never understand why...I feel obligated to tell you that this photoshoot is more important than anything else"

You muttered in utter disbelief, baffled by such a disrespectful decision made by the people surrounding you. Reika crosses your arms, looking at you and as she frowned, you stopped.

"Right, okay, fine! Let's do this shit! The sooner we launch the campaign, the faster I can get rid of that cocky player" your reply caught Reika off guard as she was expecting you to react obnoxious and childish. She smiled and placed a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it up and down, showing you some sort of support.

"That's the spirit! Now, get ready! We need to get going." her eye smile makes you relax a bit, reaffirming how calming of a personality Reika has and how it affects your mood.

Grabbing the keys to your convertible on top of the kitchen counter, you two leave the house, full of excitement and expectations about the important photoshoot ahead you. "Body" by Megan Thee Stallion blasted on the radio, listening to music was your way to get into the photoshoots and interviews. One of the instruments you adopted to feel yourself and hype, music! Oh, and what an amazing way to calm your nerves, always worked. You always made sure to show up to your events or shoots with some treats for the team, and this time was no different! You stayed up, baking the night away, but the little cupcakes tasted, not to brag, divine.

As you pull up to the studio, Reika helps with the cupcake boxes. The ambience smelled so delicious, who knew that, besides being the hottest model in the world, you could also dribble in the kitchen world. A box full of surprises.

The photographers were awaiting you, as you were the last one arriving at the studio. Seeing all those people looking at you made you feel somewhat uncomfortable, as your cheeks automatically gained a dusted shade of red. You are a model, but you hate being the center of attention, especially the wrong one.

"Hello [name], I'm Kaito Hamato, I'll be the director for this shoot. It's so nice to meet you. Behind you it's your fitting room, the clothes are organized accordingly so, whenever you're ready" his smile was patient, you could tell he was nice by the way he guided you to the fitting room. The moment you enter that room, everything clicked! You'd be wearing lingerie in the same vicinity as that cocky player who thinks everyone is obsessed with him. You hated that. Sure, you couldn't deny, he sure was nice to look at, but either way, your focus on your job was way bigger right now.

Sitting in front of the mirror with your eyes closed as the makeup artist finishes your makeup, you couldn't help but to feel another presence in the area. Could be a heavier presence, meaning, a male one. It was until you heard the squeak sound of the makeup chair a few inches from you, that you slowly opened your eyes, only to see THE Kenji Sato sitting next to you, getting his makeup nice and fresh again.

The slow eye roll you gave him, made him chuckle. That reaction of yours was always  automatic at the sight of him.

"Wow, I didn't even said a word! Is that the power I exude over you? I'm flattered" his sarcastic and overconfident tone was sending you through the roof, you couldn't help but to squeeze your hands as hard as you could, making them get a shade lighter, such was not your annoyance expression.

"You're a complete prick, I hope you know that" your disgusted semblant is noticeable for miles and miles, you promised Reika to be civil and respectful but...with such an idiot by your side, those promises are sort of impossible to keep.

"Prick, huh? Trying out a new nickname, are we?" Kenji slightly lifts his eyebrow, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek and looking at you for a hot minute. He won't even try to deny, he loves that game you two play. Still, he seems to not understand why the cold shoulders from your end, but how he loved to tease you. You were so easy for him to tease and make angry.

"Baby, you wish you had that much importance to me" the makeup artist gives you permission to get up from the chair, telling you to step into some other room to change outfits. The talk between you two ended as soon as you told Kenji you'd see him in a few minutes for the photoshoot.

In the makeup room, he runs his hands through his hair, shook by this interaction. It's not that he didn't want to have that intimacy with you, because believe me, he was thirsty for it.  But reaching you seemed too impossible, not even the most difficult women to conquer were as difficult as you have been.

When he received the campaign's proposal with you, he was thrilled, as he thought that, finally, he would have a chance to spend more time with you. Your encounters always seemed too fleeting for him, and he hated that.

"Mister Sato, [name] is ready to start shooting the campaign, we just need you, to start." Kaito informs, with the tender smile that characterizes him. Kenji nods and then gets up. His pecs, covered in oil for a wet look and the boxers that highlighted his body in a completely sensual way were all the directors needed to make sure the campaign was a success! Kenji was Japan's sweetheart after all, so would it be too soon to say, the campaign would be a worldwide phenomenon? I guess not.

"Is the princess ready?" your voice echoed in his ears, he was about to talk back at you when he completely froze. The body that stood in front of him, was also oiled up, highlighting your muscles and abs, as you crossed your arms the Calvin Klein bra made your breasts the center of attention. Seeing you like this drove Kenji wild, it was like he was seeing you in a different light, like a woman and not one of his one night conquests.

"Let's do this thing!" his absence of a comeback made you wonder what happened, he always had something to say and something to do in order to make you mad. You frowned but soon relaxed and agreed.

"So, this is a couple's campaign. I'll give you the directions, just follow them to the best of your abilities. [name] please, kneel in front of Kenji and straddle his legs. Make sure to lean forward."

While you're getting ready, one of the other photographers is helping Kenji out with his pose. He is seated with one leg bent and the other extended, holding your waist with one hand while his other hand rests on your thigh. You're are facing each other closely, foreheads touching, creating an intimate and affectionate moment. His cold hands make you instinctively shiver in contact with your warm skin. Your reaction caughts Kenji by surprise but it's pleasant to him, seeing you react to his touch.

Reika is happily observing the moment, feeling butterflies in her stomach and obsessing over your interaction with Kenji. She always thought you guys looked amazing together and when Calvin Klein reached out to her to discuss the next campaign, she was actually more excited about it than you.

"You smell really good" Kenji whispers, trying not to draw the photographer's attention as they're correcting your positions. You can't help to shyly smile as you hear his low voice next to your ear.

"T-thanks! You smell really nice as well" your voice sounded different than before. It was smoky, almost soft spoken, way different from the rough tone you used with Kenji earlier. Your cheeks, now painted a dusted coral shade, showed Kenji how comfortable you were with him. His broad smile, showing off his straight teeth could make you melt right there.

"Right kiddos, let's try another pose, this one was amazing. We're leaving for lunch after this one. I want to see something fun, out of the box. Kenji please use this chair, you sit on it and spread your legs. [name], you go sit at the edge on Kenji's knee."

You two do as you're told. However, you can't help but to add some details to the pose as you slightly bend down at the waist, leaning forward with your hands on the thighs. You're now dressed in the same grey lingerie and a denim jacket. Both of you can see the contentment in Kaito's face, his semblant was contagious.

Kenji's knee in contact with your pulsating cunt makes it hard for you to keep controlling your moans. He can feel this pose has some affects, as your pussy keeps getting warmer by the pose you guys are doing. Sato smirked and decided to add his own twist on the pose, grabbing your hair making you face the ceiling as your hands automatically go behind your back, holding onto his thighs. The photographers watching could feel the heat of the moment surrounding the studio, Kaito was living for every second of the photoshoot, he could see the billboards; the money; even more fame for the both of you; it was all coming together.

"Perfect! I can see this campaign will be grand guys. We'll have a lunch break now, feel free to change Kenji and [name]. See you in 40 minutes."

While the team prepared to head out for lunch, Kenji and you completely desfigured the pose you were in, relaxing a bit and heading off to each other's fitting rooms. Your heartbeat was increasing it's pace, you thought it might explode! Suddenly, he didn't piss you off that much? It was weird to think but, having in consideration the state he left your pussy during that fucking pose, it was appropriate to claim he left your heart skipping a beat.

It was just you and Kenji in that studio, he was in his fitting room and you in yours. For some odd reason, his shoulders and back hadn't left your mind, it's like those attributes of his were glued to your memory and refused to leave.

"Did I turned you on that much?" you froze, causing a huge vibration to run through your body, almost causing your trembling legs to collapse right there. Looking in the mirror in front of you, Kenji was pervertedly checking you out, measuring every inch of your almost naked body. His side smirk just caused you to feel even warmer for him.

"D-dont, don't know what you're talking about" The undeniable shake in your voice was everything Kenji needed to hear before turning you around to face him. Your face in between his long fingers as he squeezed those soft cheeks of yours, he loved when you had to look up at him and he loved putting his strength upon you, so those pretty eyes of yours would become teary.

"C'mon baby, I felt it! That warm pussy of yours gave you away"

As he kept squeezing your face in between his fingers, his other hand made a sinful path from your breasts, down to your stomach, reaching the soft material of your underwear. He'd look down and up, seeing you widen your eyes at his bold attitude. His cold hand, making it inside your underwear, touching your pussy, made you whimper and close your legs as the cold impact sent you shivers up your spine. Your hand, griping onto Kenji's forearm, would be filled with nail digging marks. The stimulation felt good and all but you needed freedom to talk to him when the moment required you to.

"Don't be so full of yourself Kenji" your words came out with some difficulty, that muffled voice of yours, by the position your mouth was in was making you anxious. You wanted to use your words as clearly as possible, without shaking or revealing any weakness, but how could you? Kenji was driving you crazy.

"You've been playing hard to get ever since you arrived, darling" Kenji slowly releases your face, caressing your cheek as a final contact. Your eyes meet, staring at each other, communicating everything you wish to say in words during your eye contact.

"I don't think I'm gonna last that long if you keep teasing me like that" your voice was needy, your entire body craved his touch. Surprise clouded his features, as Kenji's cat eye looking eyes darkened in pure desire.

"Always so impatient, beautiful? I can work with that." He remarked, guiding you towards the fitting room's couch, laying you down gently.

Kenji can't resist to pinning you down, placing each arm on each side of your shoulders and opening your legs with the help of his knee, positioning his leg in the middle of your bottom limbs. Your impatient whimpers make Kenji smile in satisfaction at the effect he has on you. The female body underneath Kenji, trembling at his invested knee contact against the thin fabric of her panties.

"Please...I beg you Kenji, fuck me" you desperately gasped at Kenji's touch against the fabric of your panties, almost begging him to tear them off your body.

"You sound so good using that pretty mouth of yours to beg for it. I'll make sure you have a great time" his lips get stuck like glue to your neck, you could mentally count the kisses and melt at the same time. Your nails, scratching his nape made him go wild, he couldn't control himself anymore, Sato needed you.

With one fast move, your panties are long, ripped apart, forgotten in some corner. You open your eyes in surprise, feeling thrilled at the moment. As your faces drew closer, the world around them seemed to fade away. His lips were soft and inviting, a perfect match for the warmth of your own. Their breaths mingled, a sensual and needed dance of anticipation and desire. A tentative brush that sent shivers down their spines, growing deeper and more urgent as you two surrender to the moment. Your tongues, working in unison to create a hot environment, you both needed each other.

"O-oh my...God! I can't- please- fuck me-" You said in between the kiss, your hand gently reaching the waistband of Kenji's boxers, feeling his pulsating cock in the palm of your warm hand. He grunts as soon your hand touches his member in despair.

He stands up quickly, Kenji's boxers already around his ankles. His massive cock makes you gag in shock by the size of it. Precum already sliding down his swollen tip, making you salivate.

As you're admiring his full body, you feel in your mind the need to sit down on the couch, opening your legs to him. The bralette is long gone as well, revealing that amazing set of tits of yours.

"Sit on my face, I want to taste you" Kenji walks towards you, laying down on the couch. He bites his bottom lip, seeing you get close to his face. Each leg of yours on each side of Kenji's head, his warm breath in contact with your clit makes you shiver. He pushes you down, grabbing onto your thighs, squeezing them tightly and aggressively. Your loud and startled moan echoes in the fitting room, his wet tongue drawing circles around your clit makes you reach out for his hair, grabbing onto it. With one hand on Kenji's locks, the other one is free to start masturbating the man underneath you.

The man's vibrating whimpers make you ride his face as you feel your pussy getting wetter and wetter. His cock is too big in comparison with your hand, that keeps stroking the full extension of his pulsating member. He was looking at you, riding his face without mercy, like a life size dildo, he was enjoying it so much.

"FUCK- I'm- gonna come" you thirsted your hips back and forth, riding Sato's face faster as you start feeling a buildup of pleasure, the tension accumulating in the lower region of your stomach was an indicator of the orgasm ahead.

His tongue movements increased rapidly, he wanted to provide you with the most intense orgasms.

As you're feeling contractions in your genital area, accompanied by involuntary muscle spasms, a sense of euphoria feels your body. You can almost hear your hear beat increase abruptly as you reach your climax. Can't help but to smear your cum all over Kenji's face who, satisfyingly smiles seeing how much he made you cum.

"Lay down gorgeous, I'll make you cum again...but now, on my dick"

With a fast and simple move, for Kenji, he switches positions, getting on top of you. He positioned himself between your legs, rubbing his wet hardness against your needy opening, begging to be ravished by Kenji's hard wood.

All this teasing got your body going into a frenzy, as he pushed his cock inside you, you pushed him closer by hugging him. Your lips went directly into Kenji's neck, biting it and sucking on it, suppressing your gasp as your pussy was getting stretched by the extension of Sato's dick.

Kenji's manhood, hitting your g-spot several times made you dig your nails through his entire back. He was loving the way your body was reacting to being fucked by him, your eyes, getting blood shot from all the pleasure and all the heat was unbearable for him to watch without wanting to destroy you.

"My dear Lord, you're so mesmerizing like this, I could get used to fucking you every day" Every word, every stroke, every moan was a demonstration of how much the both of you were enjoying each other's bodies.

You put your wrist on your mouth, biting down onto it, you're grasping for air at this point! Feeling your neck tense up, hurting so hard that it's good. Kenji's blood flow on his genitalia was building up, indicating an orgasm. He feels his heart rate, muscles and neck tense as your pussy walls make it hard for him to escape your insides. Both of you are going to come, sooner or later.

"You're- that- fuck...that pussy of yours...so addictive...I'm gonna cum baby" His face, now facing the ceiling, reveals to you, his climax is near, as well as yours.

"Me to-too daddy...cum inside me...p-please cum inside my pussy" Your voice sounded desperate, you needed this, completion for both of you was near and you couldn't stop thinking about his warm cum dripping from the inside of your needy cunt.

You arch your back and squeeze your tits as your eyes seem to go crazy, going into the back of your head. Kenji on the other hand, pushes one hand down on your stomach, feeling his huge cock inside your body and it makes him go feral. By instinct, you wrap your legs around his waist, making it impossible to escape your embrace and carve nonsense lines with your nails all over his back. You two were coming in tune, each other's cum getting mixed up inside you felt so good.

"You're such a good girl!" He says, a little out of breath, while removing his cock from your inside your pussy, admiring how much cum is dripping onto the couch.

"And you're a sex god!" You smile, stealing a passionate kiss from him. Your body felt totally different, lighter, almost like you were getting drunk off the smell of sex hovering everywhere in the fitting room.

"Kenji? [name]? Are you guys in there? Let's continue on with our photoshoot!" Kaito's voice was heard from the outside of the fitting room. The two adults inside got up, eyes widened. Analyzing the room would give the impression an hurricane went by and destroyed everything (and everyone! *wink wink*)

"We. Are. Fucked."

Both of you said in unison. You guys were in fact, fucked!

[kokorose]

Champagne Kisses- LN4

Lando Norris x Actress!gf

Faceclaim: Jessica Alexander

Usually I would say no hate to the girl the person I’m writing about is dating/interacting with in real life but Lando is getting cozy with a racist so…

Photos: Pinterest

Yn_Ln posted

📍London, United Kingdom

Liked by LandoNorris, RiaBish, HalleBailey, matthewdiddario, MasonMount, LilyMuniHe, DanielRicciardo and 463,738 others

Yn_Ln: Life

See all 5,739 comments

User: Minnie!!

User: who is that?!?!

User: is that Lando????

User: Lando in the likes!?!

User: Lando what are you doing here?!

User: Mason in the likes!! Yn is that Mason?!

User: girl, does that look like Mason?!?

User: DANNY?!?

User: wait what’s Lily doing here?!

RiaBish: pretty girl 💚💚

User: Ria?!?

User: now I’m convinced that’s Lando!!

📍Italy

LandoNorris, RiaBish, Quadrant, LilyMuniHe, francisca.cgomes, Carmenmoneromundt, alexandrasaintmleux, f1wags.fashion, HalleBailey and 526,738 others

Yn_Ln: couple things.

P.s. yes I was freezing taking these photos

See all 162,738 comments

LandoNorris: Hey, I warmed you up after 😁

User: LANDO?!?!

LilyMuniHe: Alexa play Body by Megan Thee Stallion

Quadrant: our favorite power couple

User: POWER COUPLE?!?

User: wait what?!? Lando’s dating again?!?

User: who’s this?!?

User: this is Yn, she’s an actress. She played Vanessa in the live action The Little Mermaid.

User: omg I thought she looked familiar. But when did she start dating Lando??

User: They were seen together a couple times since I think around Singapore. But definitely more consistent since Brazil, that was her first paddock appearance. So they’re fairly new.

User: The hardest of launches.

HalleBailey: 😍😍

User: omg is that Olivia from Get Even!?!

Yn_Ln posted to their story

Seen by LandoNorris, LilyMuniHe, RebeccaDonaldson, HalleBailey, f1wags.fashion, and 18,839 others

Yn_Ln: I Spy with my little eye, a really cute guy 🥰

See all replies

LandoNorris replied: I spy with my little eye, a girl so fine I made her mine.

Yn_Ln replied: oohhh Mr. Norris with the rhyme 😘

LilyMuniHe replied: 😂

RebeccaDonaldson replied: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

HalleBailey: you guys are too cute!!!

User: ❤️

Yn_Ln posted

📍Bali, Indonesia

Liked by LandoNorris, LilyMuniHe, bffusername,RebeccaDonaldson, HalleBailey, alexandrasaintmleux, RiaBish and 578,279 others

Yn_Ln: Vacay with my Baby ☀️☀️

See all 28,829 comments

LandoNorris: ☀️❤️☀️

RiaBish: too cute!!!!!

Bffusername: cuties!!!!!!!

RebeccaDonaldson: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

User: So cute!!

User: he took her to Bali!!!

User: cutest couple ever!!

User: Yn!! Does Minerva approve???

Yn_Ln: Yes! She absolutely loves him.

User: who’s Minerva??

User: YN’s dog.

LandoNorris posted to their story

Seen by Yn_Ln, CarlosSainz55, McLaren, OscarPiastri, CharlesLeclerc16, and 627,739 others

LandoNorris: Walks with Miss Minnie

See all replies

Yn_Ln replied: my baby!!

LandoNorris: hey!! What about me?!

Yn_Ln: you’re my love!

LandoNorris: 😁

CarlosSainz55: She’s got you hooked cabrón.

CharlesLeclerc16: I need to get a dog

OscarPiastri: so this is Minnie.

LandoNorris posted

Liked by Yn_Ln, CarlosSainz55, OscarPiastri, LN4, Quadrant, MaxFewtrell, MaxVerstappen, and 1,638,638 others

LandoNorris: life with my girls.

See all 255,729 comments

Yn_Ln: 😘😘😘😘

User: “his girls” what if I die right now?!

User: Minnie!!!

Quadrant: The real Royal Family.

MaxFewtrell: P says to bring Minnie over more often.

LandoNorris: ask Yn, you have her number. And she’s in London more than I am.

OscarPiastri: 🐶

User: not Yn and Lando’s ex having the same breed of dog.

User: it’s not that f*cking deep.

Yn_Ln posted

📍Miami, Florida

Liked by LandoNorris, McLaren, LN4, Quadrant, F1, RebeccaDonaldson, RiaBish, MaxFewtrell, Adam_Norris_Electric, OliverNorris, HalleBailey, bffusername and 829,739 others

Yn_Ln: You’re a winner baby! 🏆🏆🏆

But honestly darling, I’m so proud of you. I might not have been there personally for you’re whole career but to witness you finally achieve that hard earned win is everything. All that blood, sweat, tears. All the work, all those nights you stayed up going over what you could’ve done better. All of that lead to this moment. You did it baby!!

I love you so much!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡

Tagged: LandoNorris

See all 15,466 comments:

LandoNorris: stop you’re gonna make me cry. I love you!

Yn_Ln: 💋💋💋

User: Yn we all saw you crying in the garage and under the podium!!

Yn_Ln: yes, and I’m still crying.

McLaren: Stop. We’re crying!!

RiaBish: 😭😭😭 I just stopped crying Yn!!

Aravaa: she has

User: omg 😭😭😭

User: YN! 😭

HalleBailey: omg!! Congratulations Lando!

Bffusername: Yes!!!!!! 🙌🏻

Yn_Ln Posted

📍Miami, Florida

Liked by LandoNorris, RebeccaDonaldson, LilyMuniHe, RiaBish, Aravaa, alexandrasaintmleux, bffusername and 738,839 others

Yn_Ln: Long Live Miami!

See all 23,729 comments

LandoNorris: 😎😎

RiaBish: party time!!!

User: who’d they make take the picture of them making out?!?

Aravaa: me

User: YN’s body though!! 🥵

User: I was at the club they were at. They were literally all over each other. Yn had the biggest smile all night.

LilyMuniHe: girl, how are you up yet?!

Yn_Ln: 🤷🏻‍♀️

YnLn posted to their story

Seen by LandoNorris, alexandrasaintmleux, RiaBish, KellyPiquet, HalleBailey, and 13,729 others

Yn_Ln: good night

See all replies

LandoNorris replied: 🥵

Bffusername: girl…

User: omg

[ushiko]

pull up, pull down

ushijima wakatoshi x reader

summary: you have a really bad crush on the local gym hottie like you are down bad. but let's see if he can teach you a pull-up.

a/n: idk what this is. wrote all of it in one sitting on my phone so don’t judge me. but either way enjoy!

all you needed to do were some hip thrusts and the smith machine is right there! but not when he is right across doing pull-ups like it was the easiest thing in the world. you would die of embarrassment. it was already hard enough to not get caught staring at him every time you came but this is beyond that. glute day is officially canceled.

there is no way you get away not looking at him when he is right across from you. you wouldn’t be able to control the path your eyes take down his face to the veins that bulge through his skin. it’s time to change exercises or your entire workout for that matter. never hurt anyone to have a good back day. you slowly walk towards the lat pulldown machine when out of the corner of your eye you see his shadow move toward your direction. he couldn’t possibly be heading to this area right?

you were very wrong. he was practically right beside you as he pulled the bar towards him only making his muscles tighter and the veins even more noticeable. he couldn’t even hide since he decided today to wear a white cut-out tank that left little to the imagination. little did he know that he was about the kill the poor person a machine down from the way he pulled on the cable.

this crush began weeks ago when you decided to change gyms after a run-in with an ex that left a sour taste in your mouth. plus this one was a lot more quiet than your last gym. your first day it was going well until a god-like man with the physique of Aries and the beauty of Aphrodite walked past you in a mid-set. you almost hurt yourself as you watched him walk past. his face was stern but held a strong pose as he walked with an unknown confidence. it didn't help that he would wear the shortest of shorts that showed off his tree trunks of legs and the ass to fit. you’ve never seen him speak to anyone or bring any trouble telling you that he is more likely than not a shy man. he was just supposed to be your gym crush and nothing more but the more you saw him the more you wanted to know.

from his attire, you could tell he was a part of some sport as he owned many pieces of clothes from the same team. however, none of it had his name on it… unfortunately. he only came during the late afternoon or evening on weekdays but never on weekends. he walked in with only a bottle of water, keys, and headphones and left the same way. you only noticed him smile once when he was looking at his phone but it was only a lifting of the lip but it’s the best you got. you didn’t want to be a stalker but you couldn’t help but be intrigued by the mysterious man.

“excuse me, how many more sets do you have?”

megan thee stallion does not have a deep voice who is that?

looking up from your lap, the man of the hour is towering above you when a barely there smile or is it just your imagination? the sweat on his face was somehow making him glow even brighter than an angel’s halo. how is that even possible?

you clear your throat and hop off the seat, “oh I’m actually done no worries.”

“ but you only did one set.”

you blink wildly and glance back on the seat you were just sitting in. how did he know that?

“umm well just not really feeling it today, i guess,” you mumble while fiddling with the skin on your thumb.

he hums and looks at the weight you had it set on.

“you were pulling higher last week maybe your body is in a resting period today, “ he rambles, “ you should still finish out the rest of your sets to see if you can go higher today before you do other weights.”

you just stare at him like a deer in headlights. how did he know all this? you didn’t even realize that you were pulling heavier last week. your brain froze as it scrambled to think of anything to say. the little person in your brain was scrambling through everything to find one little word to say.

“okay.”

that’s all it could come up with. it was too hard to think of anything else when the man you had been crushing on for weeks was standing right in front of you with a determination to get you to do two more sets. this also made you see that he had hazel eyes with the way the sun only seemed to shine brightly down on him through the large window.

“you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it. never pressure your body into something it doesn’t want to do. it’s not good for building your muscles or stamina,” he states while looking at you almost into your soul.

“no, you are right! i should wouldn’t be a proper workout if I didn’t do it all,” you stutter out.

you swear you catch a shadow of a smile lifting from his lips but it could have been your imagination.

you take a seat back down on the machine and begin to adjust your weights noticing that he stood by leaning against the machine next to yours. the gym felt awfully quiet as you clear your throat trying to focus on the machine in front of you.

as you go up to reach for the bar, he already grabbed it for you bringing it down to the palm of your hands. he pulled it down like it weighed as heavy as a raisin.

“thank you,” you mumble. you begin going through the motions as you continue to glance out of the corner of your eye seeing him still standing there. he stood firmly with his arms crossed and his eyes set on you.

the sweat was pouring down your back as his gaze sent an unknown heat down your spine. this was something you had never felt before and your body surely did not know how to handle this type of reaction.

after finishing the final set, there were barely any words spoken but plenty of awkward smiles and short eye contact. your mind swirled with the idea that he was also watching you too to a degree in which he knew you were lifting more last week than now. who is the stalker now?

“ im sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all,” he suddenly says as you grab your water for a swig.

you lift your brow and shake your head, “ no you’re okay you didn’t! I was just shocked that’s all.”

“shocked by what?” he asks quickly as he begins adjusting the machine to his weight.

you clear your throat, “that you knew how many sets I did and how much weight I had done.”

he stayed silent for a moment before he sat where you previously were.

“ not hard to notice some as pretty as you in here. just started to pay attention more that’s all.”

if steam could come out of ears, both of yours and his would be blowing a hot stream of steam right now. you watched as the tips of his ears glowed a bright red as you felt heat rise towards your face and tingles in your toes.

no words were passed between each other for a couple minutes as he blazed through his sets and you were gathering your wits. how were you supposed to respond to that?

as he was about to begin a new set the words ran out of your mouth like a track star crossing the finish line.

“ can you teach me how to do a pull-up?”

his shoulders jump as he lets the bar fly to the top of the machine. you stand with your hands behind you with a slight sway in your feet. he stares at you with no trace of emotion on his face besides the slight glow of redness sitting on the apple of his cheeks.

then suddenly angels begin to sing and heaven shines down as his lips spread to a wider smile with teeth showing through. you could have died right there.

“yes, I can. let’s do it now.” he rushes off the machine and heads toward the pull-up bar.

“wait you need to finish your set!” you exclaim as you try to quickly catch up with him.

a chuckle passes his lips as he looks at you over his shoulder, “ i didn’t need to do those anyways.”

no one has ever made you more silent in the moment till now.

you both now stand at the pull-up bar waiting for someone to make the first move. or at least speak or move. his words have your brain frantically looking for anything to say.

“my name is wakatoshi ushijima by the way. never really introduced myself,” he lets a slight chuckle while rubbing the back of his neck.

“im (y/n) (l/n), it’s great to finally meet you,” you joke as a laugh passes your lips.

he laughs back, “you as well. now are you ready for a pull-up?”

that’s how you ended up being at the gym on a thursday night for two hours with your gym crush. truly a heavenly night. with his contact info now in your phone as ‘ toshi <3’.

gym days just got ten times better because now you have your gym crush as your gym partner.

thank goodness for a canceled glute day.

✿ ushiko inc. all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, repost on any social media, or plagiarize

likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated!

[maybege]

What If - Part 4

Summary: Mandalore approached and you cannot help but feel like something is about to go terribly wrong.  

Pairing: alpha!Paz Vizsla x omega!fem!Reader

Wordcount: 6.2k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, explicit sexual content, size kink (Paz is big-big), (semi-)public sex, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampies, knotting, cockwarming, dirty talk, praise kink, Angst with a capital A, fluffy fluf

As we say in German “Was lange wärht, wird endlich gut” which is what I am using as my excuse for why this took so long. The truth is: depression is a bitch, real life is a bitch and creativity and time for writing are like the same side of two magnets that do not want to even go near each other. Anyway, we made it!!!

There are a few people I gotta thank for this. First and foremost the iconic, the brilliant @mostly-megan who not only suffers through all the random AU ideas I have (and there are a LOT of them) but also brainstorms with me. The Ragnar Scene and also a very (very!) lovely scene towards the end of this part would not exist without her and for that, I am very grateful. Then, of course, the ever-present, ever-lurking genius that is the Boba Tea Anon who is in the Paz trenches right there with me and encourages me in everything I do (even if it is just a – I promise one day I will do a Lord Huron Paz piece!). Also, a very special shout out to Neyo (@galacticgraffiti) who gave the Mando kids their names, suffers through The Horn Knee with me and is always there to cheer me on. And then, of course, all you Paz girlies (gn) who make me feel like a sane person while I ramble about a faceless man who appeared for a total of 23 minutes (if that) and is – canonically – dead anyway. You make sharing my writing worthwhile in the first place and I will be forever grateful for getting to share my writing with you.

And with that – on to the last part (and the new canon for me lol). Please let me know what you thought in a comment or a reblog!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

There was a certain impatience to him you had not expected at the last meal. When the announcement came that you were approaching Mandalore, Paz – who had spent the dinner between you and Ragnar – had pulled you into his lap, his arms like iron around your body. Ragnar had wandered off to the front with all the other foundlings, expectantly looking up at the clan leaders.

You had turned your face into Paz’s neck, trying to get his scent on you. You could not believe how you had only known this man for a few days – a week, at most! – and yet his scent was the only thing that seemed to calm you down. And it was no different for him.

The alpha’s hand immediately found your scent gland and you shivered as the soft leather brushed over your skin. It did not take long until he pulled his gloves off, settling them into your lap, before resuming his motions.

The nervous energy in the room was palpable but it was practically radiating off him and it inevitably affected you as well. Where you had been excited, if a bit reluctant, a few weeks ago at the prospect of reclaiming Mandalore, now there was only a strange sense of dread in your stomach. One that even the alpha could not dissolve.

“When you wake up tomorrow, some of us will set foot on our homeland for the first time in too many years,” Briggs announced, his serious gaze roaming over the packed hall, “I cannot promise you it will be easy. I cannot promise we will all wake up to the sight of Mandalore. But we will die trying.”

You could see Ragnar looking back at his father who tilted his head. A gesture meant to be reassuring but only resulted in you questioning whether Paz would be one of those dying. You shifted nervously, causing Paz to tighten his hold on your waist.

“Calm down, love,” he rumbled quietly behind you, “It will be alright.”

Forcing yourself to nod, you gripped his large hand tightly, trying to burn into your brain what it was like to touch him,

“Rest well and rest assured that tomorrow will mark the start of a brand new era,” Briggs raised his glass, “And let us toast to our home!”

“To our home!”

Everyone lifted their glasses and the conversations resumed, a constant background roar that reminded you of the countless fates that were tied to the success of this mission. A strange feeling started in your chest, and not the kind that Paz’s presence usually caused.

You shifted again, watching as the crowd dissipated and the foundlings were walked off to bed. Their excited chatter moved down the hall and something cold clenched your heart when you watched Ragnar wave at his father.

Immediately everything quieted down. With everyone returning to their own conversations and the hall being considerably more empty now, Paz did not waste any time. His hands landed on your thighs and you managed a wobbly smile.

 “What is going on in your pretty head?” he asked you, his fingers skimming over your thighs, “You’ve been squirmy all evening.”

“Who says something is on my mind?”, you popped a berry into your mouth, grimacing at the sudden sour taste.

“True,” he laughed, “You might have just spent dinner thinking about when you can finally sit on my cock again.”

“Paz!” you gasped, “you cannot – I mean – what if –“ You glanced around with flushed cheeks, relieved to see that no one had seemed to hear his indecent theory.

He laughed again and the sound made your heart and body melt. “I will never tire of making you flustered,” he murmured, his big hands pulling you closer, “Though I actually would not mind having you cockwarm me tonight, sweet omega,” his fingers brushed the underside of your breasts and you shivered, “I would be lying if I said I could ever get enough of you.”

“I actually had something similar in mind,” you admitted shyly, slipping off his lap and enjoying the way his hands followed you and his body leant into you. As if he wanted to keep touching you, as if he never wanted to let you go. Your heart skipped a beat and you smiled.

“I … would like to try something?”

He leant back, his legs spreading with the movement and your teeth dug into your bottom lip at the sight of the obvious bulge in his pants. “Oh yeah, omega, and what would that be?”

You made a few steps away, making sure that your robe (a dark blue, just like his armour) swished around your form as enticingly as possible. Paz’s head turned to follow your movement from your place in front of him to a chair in a dark alcove, dressed in shadows where you knelt down right in front of it.

The big alapha hummed, rising to his feet, knowing exactly what it was you had in mind. “I think I can get behind that idea.”

From the other sounds that were floating through the cantina, you knew that illicit things were already well underway. Most of them likely more graphic and adventurous than what you had in mind. Still, you felt a little nervous at the prospect of sucking Paz Vizsla’s cock.

But for some reason, this was exactly what you needed. You wanted to bring him pleasure, so much pleasure.

You watched as he pulled off his cape, folding it expertly before motioning for you to stand. He dropped it on the floor, his hand steadying your elbow as you sunk down on the soft fabric. “Don’t want you uncomfortable,” he announced, before sitting down in the chair.

He looked big like this, bigger than usual. And oh so confident it already made your panties wet. His knees spread, the trunks he called thigh caging you in and you watched with bated breath as his fingers undid his codpiece, expertly freeing his cock.

He was already hard and dripping precome, the knot at the base slightly inflated and you squeezed your thighs. It was not like you had never seen his cock before and it certainly was not as if he had not fucked you before. Yet, the sheer size of him and the thought of taking him in your mouth overwhelmed you a little.

Where were you supposed to start?

But when one big rough hand closed around his shaft and Paz started to jerk off right in front of you, you could not help but to simply … dive in.

Opening your mouth as far as it would go, you closed your lips around his tip, one hand struggling to fit around him. The grunt he let out, paired with a twitch of his hips, had you smiling around him.

“Stars above,” he cursed, “Warn a man next time, won’t you, love?”

You looked up at him, teary-eyed, while your tongue licked the underside of him. Or at least the part you could reach. He was heavy in your mouth, heavy and big and he tasted of something that made you want more. Slowly, you moved forward trying to take more of him but soon enough, he bumped something at the back of your throat and you sputtered.

Before you could panic about breathing, Paz had pulled out of you, his large hand cupping your cheek while the other was still wrapped around the base of his cock. “Deep breaths, omega,” he soothed you, his hand leisurely stroking himself, “You are doing so good for, trying to take it all.”

“You’re so big,” you marvelled, wrapping your hands around him, “I want it all, alpha, I – Paz, I really want it all.”

“Want my help?” he asked, “Might have to be a little rougher, though, sweet omega, and I can smell how much that turns you on but I need you to tell me – Are you sure?”

You nodded eagerly, darting your tongue out to lick at him. “I am sure, alpha,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to the tip, “I promise.”

“If it is too much, tap my thigh three times, understood?”

You nodded again, shifting on your makeshift pillowed. Your thighs were already drenched at this point and you wondered whether you could come just from sucking him off. It seemed like you would be able to do a lot of things when it came to Paz.

His grip on your face loosened just the tiniest bit. “Open up for me,” he ordered, pulling your face towards him, “There we fucking go. Gorgeous.”

“I will never tire of this sight,” he groaned, “You struggling to take my size, trying to be so good for me,” he shifted, his hips surging forward and you smiled with pride when you did not gag this time, “Can I go deeper, love? Is that okay?”

With your position between his legs, your jaw wide open around him, you could not really nod. But Paz seemed to recognize the excited twinkle in your eye because you could hear the grin in his voice when he muttered a “Stars, you’re perfect.”

You took great care to keep your breathing even and through your nose, experimentally swirling your tongue around him every time he pulled out of your mouth. His thrusts grew heavier, his hold on you tighter and you swore you were this close to coming just from the sheer sight of his shaft covered in the sheen of you.

It was not long before he came in thick spurts on your tongue. You struggled to swallow it all, your throat working overtime as you did your best to swallow around him. “Good girl,” he praised you, “My good fucking girl.”

Your heart jumped in your chest as you licked him clean, not quite ready to let go of this intimacy.

His hand came to your chin, gently scooping up some of the come that had spilt from your lips. “Here you go,” he offered his coated thumb and you sucked the digit into your mouth without hesitation. You could never get enough of his taste.

“Let’s retire for the night, love,” he suggested, “We have a long day ahead of us.”

*

By the time you got settled in your bunk, you knew it was only a few hours before everything would start. Before you had to say goodbye.

Paz had excused himself, leaving you to get ready for bed alone before he appeared by your side, dressed completely in his armour.

“Are you okay?”

“Said goodbye to Ragnar,” he explained, sitting down on the little cot, hunching his shoulders over so he would not hit his head.

“Oh.”

Somewhere behind the curtains, someone snored.

Paz grunted when he laid down, his giant arm reaching out and pulling your back to his front.

“Is this okay?” you asked quietly, “It’s a tight fit.”

“It’ll be okay,” he murmured, grunting when he pulled the curtain closed, “I will not spend my last night without my calmer.”

“Aren't you uncomfortable?” you asked, your voice small, “With – with the armours and me and all the …”

“I will not spend my last night without my calmer,” he repeated, leaving no room for doubt. It took a bit of shuffling to turn you around but when you finally were facing him, you already felt much better. You tucked your face into his neck, breathing in his scent as he wrapped both arms around you.

Your heart was squeezing so hard in your chest that the emotional pain became physical.

What if this was his last night? What if you would never see him again?

And what if you did? Would it ever be like this again? Would he want to keep you as his calmer (or more?) when Mandalore was finally reclaimed?

Paz shifted, his large hands running over your back until one settled at the back of your neck.

“I got you,” he rumbled, “You’ll be safe, omega, I promise.”

You swallowed away the need to tell him that it wasn’t your safety you were worried about.

 *

The next morning was worse. It barely qualified as morning and you were sure you had not found any sleep. You had just been shifting all night from side to side, desperately burying your nose in his neck to soak up every little bit of his scent that he could give you.

You were not sure if Paz had slept either but when the alarms sounded in the room at the same time, it took him a minute to get up. Everyone was shuffling around the packed room silently, most of them already dressed and armoured. Ready to descend to the surface of Mandalore.

Despair was clawing at your insides. You felt like you were watching something from the outside that you knew would fail. That you knew would destroy everything you held close to your heart.

And yet, you watched helplessly as they lined up, preparing to board the ship that would take them into the atmosphere.

It was silent – eerie – as if everyone knew something big was about to happen. And you couldn’t move from his side. You couldn’t even if you wanted to. You needed to be here with him.

You watched as Paz double-checked his weapons and your mouth quirked up as you remembered how the man had seemed like a weapon on his own the very first time you had seen him. And how true it was, now that you saw guns and rifles packed to every piece of his armour that could carry it.

Your smile fell just as quickly as it had appeared. Would this be the last time you got to see him?

You had been scared a lot of times in your life. Like when your parents had taught you how to swim and you had been convinced you would sink to the bottom of the sea. Or when you had taken a bad fall in one of the hiding places and scuffed your knee. But that childish fear of creatures and heights was nothing compared to the existential dread that settled in your stomach.

It wasn’t fear that something could go wrong it was fear that you knew something was going to go wrong.

And could you really risk this?

“You, uh, you will come back, right?” you whispered, already hating how needy you sounded. But you needed to hear him say it. You needed Paz Vizsla’s words to be the ones to tie you to the hope of a future together.

“Someone already scared for me?” Paz tilted his head and while you knew this was supposed to be a joke, his voice did not sound very light. Like he knew it too. That feeling.

“Well, I mean you have Ragnar,” you shrugged, pulling the cloak closer around you, “And I mean your tribe needs you, you are a great warrior and –“

“Exactly,” he interrupted you gently. You watched as he approached you, his steps heavy and measured and you swallowed. “I am a great warrior,” he repeated with his fingers under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him, “Which is why I will come back to you.”

“But –“

“Listen to me,” he whispered, his hand cupping the side of your neck, scenting you so gently your eyes fluttered close, “I vow to the stars, I will come back to you, love.”

That was the last thing he said to you before he boarded the ship.

*

If somebody asked you what happened during the time you were waiting, you would not be able to tell them. As soon as Paz embarked on the with the scouting group, it felt like time stood still. You barely knew what you were doing. You were pacing the entire length of the ship it seemed, Ragnar keeping you company for a few of those pacing trips before he distracted himself by playing with the other foundlings.

You tried to approach your feelings rationally. You had spent a lot of your time these past few days in close proximity with Paz. He was an alpha, you were an omega, obviously there were some biological components that could have contributed to your feelings for him.

But that was exactly it. Your feelings …

At the thought of Paz not coming back, it felt like your heart ripped into two. You could not fathom a world without him in it and, more importantly perhaps, you could not fathom your life without him in it. You wanted him to come back and when all the tribes settled in their parts of Mandalore, you wanted to be as close to him as now. You wanted to spend your evening with him and Ragnar and you wanted to know what his days were like, what his role was in his clan.

Whether he wanted to keep you in his life as well.

Waiting was pure torture. Communications were cut and all that remained was the cold silence of the ship. You avoided the cockpit and strategy meetings, Briggs (thankfully) seemed to understand your reluctance and did not press you on the matter. Until Axe Woves came to warn the ship of the Imperial that had settled on the planet and the fight that had broken loose.

That was the meeting you had insisted on attending, hoping that – in whatever capacity – the stoic alpha might drop some comments about the people on the surface.

“Is,” you swallowed, “Is he well?”

The beskar-clad man, much to your frustration, said nothing at all.

Which was not very helpful.

The fight continued and troops were dispatched and you stayed, keeping the foundlings safe and quiet. In fitful dreams, you heard yourself confessing your love to him just before he disappeared never to return again. You woke up with cold sweats until you crawled into his bunk, pressing your nose into his pillow and willing yourself to think of a future in which he came back to you unharmed.

Sometimes, you could hear Sluice and Chants converse about what to do if it all failed. Whether to settle back in Nevarro was another possibility or if the tribes should stick together to find a new home.

All you could think was that you would not leave Paz on this planet.

You could not leave him.

It was morning when the announcement came. You had buried yourself in his cot, his sheets pressed to your nose as you took trembling breaths when the PA system stuttered to life, the mechanical voice echoing through the empty hallways.

You had retaken Mandalore. The air was breathable and you could safely land on the surface to meet the victorious troops.

The joy and excitement that spread through your entire body could not be described. Nothing could happen to wipe the smile off your face as you frantically searched for the one good dress you wanted to wear when you saw Paz again. You wanted to please him and kiss him and tell him you loved him. And maybe, if you were very lucky, he loved you too.

Stars, how you hoped he would.

But that elation stopped short when you set foot onto Mandalore. You could not even look at the surrounding landscapes, the fallen home of your ancestors – when you spotted the group but no Paz. A quick glance around did not reveal him either and suddenly the feeling of dread was back again.

Briggs was standing there too, and you knew the man long enough that when you saw his eyes getting glassy at your sight, he did not need to say anything anymore for the tears to fall.

This was it then.

You always wondered what it would feel like to live with a broken heart. Now you knew.

The pain in your heart was unbearable and you suddenly wished that you had never left the bunk this morning. That you were still curled up in his scent and his blankets without the knowledge that the alpha you wanted to spend your life with was dead.

“Where is my buir?” Ragnar asked somewhere behind you and you could hear it in his voice. How he tried to sound strong but he was just a child. A child without his father.

He made his way to the front and stopped by your side. You put your hands on his shoulder.

“I am sure he will be fine,” you assured him, not believing your own words, “He – he must have … another mission somewhere, right?” you looked to Axe Woves who avoided your gaze, “Right?”

Ragnar grabbed your hand. “Bu said if he is late, I need to distract you.”

“What? Why?”

“Because we're family,” he said it so effortlessly, “and because I know he will come back but you might worry and you shouldn’t worry.”

You were not sure what happened first: the stopping of your heart or the break in your breath. Paz told him you were his family? Ragnar considered you … his family?

“Do you wanna play a board game?” the boy asked and the breath rushed back into your lungs, “Bu taught me a few games for when I wait for him to come back.”

“He did?” you asked, your voice faint as you followed him back to where someone had set up a small open-air cantina at the ramp of the ship. You ignored the looks Briggs and Chants gave you. Ignored the way that Bo Katan bowed her head as if to pay respect to you as if you had something to mourn.

Not now, you told yourself as your heart cracked in your chest. Maybe tomorrow you could bury yourself in Paz’s bunk, breathing in his scent until there was nothing left but your own grief.

Tomorrow, you promised yourself, Tomorrow I will know he is dead.

*

The sun was setting over the mountains and Ragnar made no sign of stopping the game anytime soon. He had patiently explained the elaborate card game to you before dealing the cards. And then he had continued to play with you the entire day. Sometimes, people joined you for a round or two. The first had been Din Djarin – the man with the green baby. He had not said anything but you could feel the sadness coming off him in waves.

Then there had been The Armourer who had stayed for only one round, occasionally speaking to Ragnar about his helmet ceremony (the first having been interrupted only a few weeks prior). She was followed by Sluice, Bo Katan and finally, Briggs.

“Mind if I join?” the older man had asked, only sitting down when you nodded.

“Not at all,” Ragnar spoke up, relieving you of the to find the energy, “Do you know the rules?”

Briggs had left after two rounds, his warm hand on your shoulder the only indication of what he had come here to say. My condolences for your loss.

The tears had burned hot in your eyes but you forced yourself to keep playing. Ragnar won most rounds and the one he did not, you were fairly sure he lost on purpose. “No worries,” he assured you with childish wisdom, “Sometimes it takes a little longer to get the rules.”

“That is okay,” you forced yourself to smile, “How about we take a break for some food?”

“Good idea!” the boy jumped up, “I will get some of the berries and you stay here and watch the cards!”

Before you could protest, he had raced to the small buffet table.

You both welcomed and feared the moment of solitude this afforded you. It allowed you to take a deep breath, to let your shoulders and your guard fall. Maybe even a few tears if you were quick about it. You did not want Ragner to see you like this. He seemed to be determined that his father was alive and well – that he would return – that you could not bear to be the one to break his heart.

“Bu!” Ragnar shouted and you whipped around immediately. It took you a moment to find Ragnar but when you did, he had his arms wrapped around the legs of a large man. A man dressed in dark blue armour.

 “Paz,” you sighed, feeling tons lighter. Ragnar threw himself at his father who caught him though you did not fail to notice the way his legs almost buckled.

Stars he was hurt.

A new wave of panic washed over you and you did not realise you had stood up until the stoll toppled behind you. Several pairs of eyes were on you but you only cared about one.

Paz set Ragnar down and whispered something to him. You watched as the boy nodded, skipping off to Din and the Armourer. And then Paz walked towards you. Though walk seemed too weak a word for the way his heavy steps came closer and closer, his looming figure soon right in front of you.

Paz was right in front of you.

“You,” he growled, taking your hand without slowing his stride, “Come with me.”

“Paz, what happened?” you asked, trying to look him over, “Are you hurt? Did – Were those Imperials we spotted on the radar? Axe Woves and Briggs and – oh stars, we need to get you checked out and wait – are you bleeding? Where does it hurt maybe I can –“

A door swished open and you glanced around in confusion. This was not the infirmary. This was not even a proper room if the cleaning supplies on the shelves were anything to go by.

“Paz, you need – oh!” your hands gripped his shoulders tightly when he lifted you onto a surface. Was it a table? A counter? Stars, you could not bring yourself to care. Not when he was standing in front of you, panting like he had the fight of his life behind him.

Which he probably did.

Your heart clenched again, from fear or joy you could not tell.

His large hand fiddled with your dress and with a rip, your entire front piece was hanging off you in tatters.

“Alpha,” you cried, moving your hands from his shoulders to his chest, “Alpha, are you all right? I was so worried.”

The big man stepped between your open legs and you took a deep breath. The smell of adrenaline burned your nose but you could not help but notice the arousal that was in the air as well. He was angry and determined and the way he did not even look at his hands when he tugged on his belt made you glad you were already sitting down.

“Keep calling me that and I will be,” he grunted, opening the snaps of his armour and finally his fly.

Your eyes were fixated on his hand around his cock. “Pull down your dress,” he instructed instead, “I want to see your tits.”

You hurried to do so, almost ripping the fabric entirely in the process but you could not care less. Not when you had your dream of an alpha standing between your open legs, getting ready to fuck you. The ruined fabric pooled around your hips and the cool air made your nipple pebble. But then Paz was right there, the bulk of his body between yours and you could feel his cock against the inside of your thigh.

He pushed the tip of his cock against your folds, slowly circling your clit and you whimpered. Why did everything he did feel so good? “Ready?” he asked, spreading your wetness around and you found yourself wishing that you could see. That you could see how big he was against you, how his hand gripped himself, how his brows might furrow in determination and the set of his lips as he pushed inside you.

But you could not have everything in life. And for this moment, the feeling of his cock stretching your walls was enough. He was here, he was alive and he made you feel so stars forsaken good.

“Fuck,” you sighed, “Paz …”

“That’s good, huh?” he grumbled, slowly pulling out before pushing back in. You could feel your walls ease around him, your juices covering his shaft and the gland on your neck pulsed with the need to have him scent you.

He remained still for a few moments and you took a deep breath, breathing him in again and trying to get yourself to realize that he was alive. Your alpha was alive.

Paz started to move, then, and slowly pushed inside you again before building up a steady rhythm that had him deep, deep inside you. And all you could think, between bouts of pleasure, was that he was alive. Paz was alive.

“Fuck,” you whispered, your hand shaking as you gripped the edge of the table, overcome with emotion, “A-alpha, I was so scared. “

A particularly hard thrust had your hands fly around his neck. “I was protecting you,” he replied, his voice shaking, “You were never in any danger, omega, I would not allow it.”

“I wasn’t scared for me, you di’kut,” you cursed as you hastily wiped away the tears streaming down your face, “I was scared for you!”

Paz grunted at your admission, pushing inside you again and pulling you as close as he could with the armour in the way. “And I was scared of never seeing you again,” he confessed into the darkness between your faces, “That I was breaking my promise to you.”

“Wh-What,” you gasped, feeling his cock grow inside you, “Alpha, what is happening?”

“Oh fuck,” he grunted, “Sorry, ‘mega, sorry, I didn't mean to – oh shit, love, you gotta stop squeezing me.”

Easier said than done. In fact, it seemed impossible. Because as soon as you realized that it was his knot swelling inside of you, all you could think about was what it would be like to be knotted by him. Which turned you on beyond belief.

The mental image of him filling you up to the brim, the giant size of him staying inside you, made your walls flutter and your high approach so much faster. Paz’s movements did not stop and you could feel the ring at his base growing and growing, catching on your entrance with every thrust and making you yearn to keep him inside.

“Alpha, will you – Can you – oh!” he hit that spot inside you again that made your blood sing and you fell back against the wall, completely at his mercy.

And then the light went out.

Your body tensed with fright and you squeaked, thinking something had gone horribly wrong. But Paz did not seem deterred and you faintly remembered that the light switch was somewhere on his side of the room.

There was a sound you could not pinpoint, followed by a loud clatter and then his hand was at the back of your neck, pulling you to him and you squirmed at how he folded you in half, his cock still nestled deep inside you and then he was … kissing you.

You gasped, the feeling of his lips familiar against yours and everything you had dreamed of.

“Fuck it feels good to fill you up,” he murmured, the praise making your cheeks warm.

Your legs were still trembling around his hips and you tightened your hold around his neck. Your nose bumped against his scent gland. Add that to the feeling of his smile against your shoulder and even retaking Mandalore could never rival the feeling of being scented by him.

“That good, huh?” he teased you, his lips moving against your skin.

He had some stubble that tickled your sensitive skin and you gasped, the sensation opening you up even more.

And then he pushed inside you one last time as you came around him. The knot at his base swelled with no signs of stopping, locking you together as he filled you up. You shivered at the feeling of him twitching inside you, spurts of come filling you up in a way you had never experienced before, increasing the pressure inside you that made your walls clench. He continued to rut against you, causing your clit to rub against his pelvis again and again, prolonging your peak.

After what felt like an eternity, you came down from your high, relishing in the feeling of him still pulsing inside of you. It was strange, something you had never experienced before, but the closeness made you sigh contentedly against his lips.

Paz was quiet save for a few grunts, his hands grabbing your hips, keeping you as close as possible.

“I’ve never been knotted before,” you admitted between kisses.

“Really?” Paz asked, his mouth pausing on yours, “How does it feel?”

“It feels kinda nice, alpha,” you whispered, pulling his face closer to yours again.

Paz did not say anything for a moment, his laboured breath loud in the small room. Then his hands cupped your face and you could feel his eyes on you and you wondered if he was able to see you despite the darkness. Probably not, after all, it was his visor that usually enabled him to do so. But he made you feel seen with how his thumbs brushed over the apples of your cheeks, still wet with tear tracks or how his lips softly landed on yours.

“I don’t think I told you yet,” he said against your mouth, “But you are beautiful. To me, you are the – the most stunning omega I have ever seen. When I was down there – when I … I dreamt of what it would be like to see you with my own eyes.”

A flutter started in your chest. An awful flutter of hope that had you thinking of futures beyond the next few days. He could not mean what you thought he meant, right?

“But you helmet –“ you started, trying to rationalize away the hope in your voice.

But Paz had other plans. “I want to court you,” he said, sounding as determined as ever, “Stars, I want to properly court you, love, whatever that entails for your clan but I asked Briggs and –“

“What?”

“I wanted to make sure that I did everything right,” he explained, his hand warm on your back, “So I asked him about any customs I might have to know, that last night before we left and – and for a second there it looked like I would never get to ask you. But I can, love, I can ask you now. Will you let me court you, ‘mega? Will you let me spend the rest of my life with you and Ragnar and all the other foundlings the stars let us have?”

“You – you want children, too?” you asked, feeling like the breath was stolen out of your lungs, “M-more than Rganar, I mean?”

You could feel his smile against your neck, the tip of his nose buried in the valley beneath your ear. “Course I do,” he confirmed, “Ragnar is the biggest gift of my life, I won't say no to that joy again.”

A laugh bubbled up in your chest and you could feel your walls clench around him. Paz moaned, his cock twitching inside you. “Is that a yes, then?” he asked carefully, his hand wandering up to cup the back of your neck. He moved away from you,

“Yes,” you breathed out with the biggest smile on your face, “Yes, Paz.”

The scent that surrounded you made you euphoric and you realized that it had been Paz all along. That sweet scent that made your heart beat faster and a smile appear on your lips? Paz fucking Vizsla.

“Open your eyes, mesh’la,” he asked you quietly, his breath warm on your face, “Look at me, sweetheart.”

And you did. Your eyes blinked open and it took you both an eternity and a second to get your eyes used to the seemingly blinding light of the storage room. But then your eyes met his and you saw Paz Vizsla for the first time.

He had dark eyes, just like you had daydreamed, and his hair looked just as soft as it had always felt. It was matted to his forehead in places and he looked … exhausted, like he had not slept in days. There were bruises on his cheekbones and you could see some dried blood and dirt on his jaw. But all of that was overshadowed by the brightest, biggest grin on his face.

It made the corners of his eyes crinkle and you could not help but smile back, absolutely in awe of the man in front of you. What were you supposed to say the first time you saw the face of the man you had fallen hopelessly in love with?

“You are handsome,” is what you settled on finally, carefully brushing your fingertip over his crooked nose.

He huffed out a laugh, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “Thank you, my love,” he rumbled and your heart skipped a beat at him calling you his. Because you were, truly, whether you had realised it before or not, his.

“I love you,” you blurted out, feeling oddly shy.

“I love you too,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, “There is no version of this life in which I do not love you.”

“You will have to tell me about your scars,” you whispered, your eyes roaming over his face, catching on one that cut through his eyebrow, “Every single one.”

“I will,” he promised, kissing you again, “We have a lifetime for it.”

[astroismypassion]

Astrology tea 🍵🍵🍵

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

Trigger warning mentions of de**h, d***s

🍵 You know how Sagittarius Sun truly express their feelings? It shimmers through just a bit when they exaggerate a story. If they exaggerate a piece of information, you bet they were very surprised, too stunned to speak at the time it was happening. And them being surprised, shocked often equals exaggeration of a story.

🍵 Try to see where Juno and asteroid Groom overlap. If you have a Cancer Juno, yet Groom at 28 (Cancer degree), it could be a Cancer Sun that ends up proposing you.

🍵 But when you look at your own asteroid Briede (19029) sign, this is the Sun sign YOU might be the most serious about and who you would propose to.

🍵 Cancer Venus always gives a thoughtful, yet small, sometimes a cheap gift that relates to both of you, connects you two. For example you both like drinking tea and they buy you a tea cup and tea bags. Or you both really enjoy vinyl records and they buy you one. It’s always something that connects you two. 😀 You guys are really thoughtful gift-givers!

🍵 Aries Mercury gets really bored of one way of communicating for too long. For example, if you were sending each other audio messages for too long, they will want to change it and do phone call instead or video call etc.

🍵 Gemini Chiron and Gemini Lilith often gets scars, bruises on their fingers, hands. Or they may get skin on their hands, fingers easily burnt when cooking, when starting a fire.

🍵 Virgo over the 5th house might develop a crush on any person that they share the same ideas, viewpoint. If they like someone’s arguments, life philosophy, habits. They might develop a crush on someone when they think “This (wo)/man thinks just like me!”. They could also strongly relate to certain book authors and writers, because of the way they think, they might have a strong liking of their work. They might be prone to cheating mentally, if this would exist. When they are starting to agree more with someone else’s viewpoints, opinions than their partner’s, you might be losing them. 😬

🍵 Sagittarius Suns with Scorpio Mercury are oddly preoccupied with the idea of death and them dying and how they will die. Some have special requests on how they wish to be buried or which song they would like to be played at their funeral.

🍵 I noticed Scorpio Mercury are controversial, but for some reason Taurus Mercury seem to be too. Like Taurus Mercury celebrities Kanye West, Megan Fox, Kristen Stewart, Lena Dunham, Miranda Kerr, Donatella Versace, Abigail Breslin, Cher, Kirsten Dunst, Renée Zellweger. They had some controversial views and opinions throughout years. They are just likely to be canceled on the internet or just really disliked due to jealousy, envy they evoke in others as much as Scorpio Mercury. They could also receive public dislike online.

🍵 If you have Aries Part of Fortune you might find yourself in struggles in life (difficulties in college, financial issues etc.) that not even your family members will be able to advise you on or support you. In times of conflict and stress you will often be alone to find the real courage and strength needed.

🍵 People might not believe Pisces Moon when they say they don’t do drugs. Also, they could experience random drug tests.

🍵 However, also on Pisces Moon: they have weird fascination with psychedelics, yet dislike weed and drugs. Some believe psychedelics could heal their trauma. 🤷🏼‍♀️

🍵 I noticed Aries Moons often have a female sibling. They grew up around strong women in their family who are very independent, unmarried or career driven.

🍵 Sagittarius Sun when younger might have often been the butt of the joke in their friend group. This is one side of Sagittarius Sun that hasn’t been talked enough. People have made fun on their expense often times when their were feeling insecure enough on their own. That’s why they try to not show much emotion, appear unfazed and diffuse things back with humour.

🍵 Aquarius Venus might date their friend, or multiple people until committed or could ghost. But Uranus in the 2nd house?? These guys don’t participate in hookup culture (and rebel against it), don’t entertain multiple people (doesn’t have a roaster), don’t do ghosting.

🍵 Taurus Venus has a love language of gift giving and this is also how they flirt, they just start buying you things or food. Yet, sometimes this can come across trying to buy their loved one’s love. 😬

🍵 Venus in the 6th house looves using hand cream. People compliment them for their soft hands more than they would any other placement.

🍵 Asteroid Kiss sign in the Kiss Persona chart could indicate the Sun sign of the person you will share your first kiss with.

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

[grapejuicestyless]

No One Wants To Die In The End.

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: United through grief, Harry and Y/n have to navigate the same fates they witnessed as young children as understanding adults. After all, no one wants to die in the end, we can only hope death comes easy for us.

“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”

I hear my mother ask in a hushed tone, the nurse who came to send my grandma away giving her a tight lipped smile.

I sit on the bed pretending not to be able to hear them, pretending the sound of my grandma choking on her own saliva is normal and the staggering of her breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while I tell her all about what I learned in fourth grade.

She doesn’t remember me, not much anyway. Ever since the illness started taking pieces of her brain, I’ve been stuck in time. She only knows my name now, and my mom warned me on the way here today not to cry if she couldn’t even remember that. It was her illness forgetting, not my beloved grandma.

Mom says she loved me with all my heart, and that once the illness passes through her, she’ll remember me again fondly. I’ll get to tell her all about my life and growing up and she’ll understand what I’m talking about. She won’t give me the blank stare she does now while I hold her hand, and her skin won’t be so frail.

“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.” The nurse says, and though my mom doesn’t cry, I can see her skin hugging her throat constricting it and the soft fluttering of her wet eyelashes.

My mom pulled me away soon after, telling me to say goodbye. This time felt different though, even at age nine I knew that. So I told my grandma I’d be back, even if I wasn’t sure just because it always made her smile, and I promised to keep dancing around in my pajamas before breakfast like she loved.

That day at school, the one after I left my grandma with hundreds of promises to live freely and trust with my heart, I found my mother sat out on the front steps by our old white porch with her head in my hands.

“Hi mama. Can I go to Megans?” I had asked her cheerfully, excited about seeing my best friend, my neighbor and my sister.

Mom had this sad look in her eyes, one that told me to come close without her having to say it. And as I stood between her bent knees and felt her hands on my hips, I saw her shake her head.

“Y/n/n, grandma didn’t make it, baby.” She declared softly, and at the time I didn’t know how to process it, the idea of someone being gone forever. As mom told me how she had only left for a minute to go home and shower and came back to my grandma unresponsive in her sleep, I didn’t think about the fact that my grandma’s laugh would fade with the years, but rather how sad it was that she had to go alone. I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.

I didn’t tell mom this, my feelings on the death of grandma, the death of her mom, so I did what I knew how to do best, and I ran, begging softer this time to be able to go across the street just until dinner.

When I got there, I was greeted by Megan, and she looked sad. That’s how most people in my life seemed to look these past few hours, ever since the way my grandma breathed changed.

She pulled me into a hug and cried on my shoulder, promising to be there for me always, that it would get better. At the time I didn’t get it, why my best friend as a child would feel so much grief for a woman she barely knew, how she could feel so much more than I did, but grief hits differently in every person, I wished that someday I’d be able to process it openly instead of suppressing it somewhere I’d never find it. I wished that someday I’d learn how to cry.

Grandma didn’t get a funeral, they stuffed her ashes into a pretty vase with golden birds and her favorite flowers and held the wake early in the morning. Most of her friends I’d never met. It was a small service, a slow one. I spent most of my time playing hide and seek with my cousins and stealing the mints the funeral home left out for guests while my mother cried shaking each guests hand.

“How should we send out the letters?” My mom whispered to my father quietly, like it was something she didn’t want her children to know about.

“What’s the difference? Word spreads fast about people like him.”

People like him, that’s how my dad worded it. People like him, veterans who fought in a war they couldn’t even remember by the end of their lives and refused to replace the old wood paneling on their living room walls from the eighties.

My grandpa was the definition of people like him, he had lived enough lives to grow in white hairs by fourteen years old. Fighting alongside Elvis in the war and dancing with his dying wife in the afternoon.

I never met grandma, my dad said cancer took her before I was born, he says that’s why my name is the way it is, she picked it. But, I did meet grandpa.

He had white hair and a soft stomach from all the Swedish meatballs he made in his spare time. War does funny things like that to a man, make someone so against cooking love the simplicity of it, the safety of food consuming him.

I never really liked his Swedish meatballs, I didn’t like how he made them without sauce, when I was ten my world revolved around marinara sauce.

When I was twelve years old, I remember missing the softness of my grandpas stomach when he hugged me and the lingering smell of Swedish meatballs in his kitchen at dinner time. Which was weird because I never liked it before, but maybe my nose had changed while grandpa was changing in his own ways.

Cancer seemed to run in the family, something that was so small nobody ever suspected it was invading their bodies until the doctors became frantic to get it out.

My grandpa has bright white hair before his treatment, and small silver glasses perches on his swollen nose while he sat in his old brown chair and watched his grandkids school plays through the CD’s my parents would send him.

What a lonely life to live as he got older. The death of his wife and the absence of his grandchildren as they became less and less interested in family time and more focused on running outside freely with their friends.

I was so sidetracked I didn’t even know when grandpa died right away. Not until my father sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch where I laid with my mother rubbing his back slowly, a heavy look on his wrinkled face.

“Grandpa passed last night, Harry. He loved you very much.”

I didn’t cry as my father spoke, simply nodding before walking to my room to toy with my baseball cards and gameboy. I didn’t cry thinking about his passing, which confused me because I was twelve. I understood what death meant and how there was no one who had the power to reverse it, but I felt incapable of crying.

I went to school the next morning like my parents hadn’t told me the news, and my history teacher pulled me out into the hall during second period. He looked sad for me, his hands on my shoulders as he told me he would give me all the time I needed, not to try snd jump back into normalcy during such a tough time.

It made me feel embarrassed, which felt weird considering the context. I felt fine, completely indifferent to something I should have been breaking down over. But I guess grief is weird like that, and I wish I had the strength to be weak.

Grandpa had a big funeral, open casket with formal attire. He didn’t look like grandpa with all that makeup on him. I wanted to open his eyelids to see the colors in his eyes one last time. But that’s unacceptable to do, so I simply kneeled by the casket and prayed for him.

A big black limo took us from the boiling hot church to the graveyard where uniformed men loaded their guns and fired at the sky in honor of my grandpa. The smoke smelled like the low tide at the beach, and some people I’d never seen before sobbed a few rows behind me.

A lot of people showed up for grandpa, veterans from around the country and school friends from when he still had all his youth. Looking around at the crowd, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.

“When did you find out?” Harry asked softly, his large hand capturing mine in a paw-like grip over my knuckles.

I swallowed, wondering when I suspected it in comparison to when I finally got the guts to ask someone for help.

“I’ve known for a while, probably since I was nine. It runs in the family, you know? All these health issues that eat away at our brains?” I laughed, but neither of us found it funny, not when I ran my fingers through my hair to calm down and chunks cane out between my knuckles.

“I just thought I’d be gifted more time, thought biology would be kinder to my bones.”

Harry looks at me with a broken stare, one that hits me in the heart. We both tear up, but neither of us cry. We are our parents, we are the spitting image of them sitting us down to break the news. But at least they went peacefully, right? I know no peace, but still I don’t cry for myself, I feel too pathetic to even try.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask, looking bitterly at the youthful green eyes in front of me, how his curly hair seems even more vibrant than nearly a decade ago. He ages backwards and I am already one foot out of the door.

Harry shakes his head.

“You did everything right.” He tells me, fingers pulling the hair from my hands to hide it behind his back.

“Then why do I feel like I have?”

“Nobody wants to die in the end, Y/n/n. It’s a game of chance, each day we live we gamble on how long we have left. Some people search for that end and others stumble on it accidentally, it’s just the chances.”

When he puts it like that, it makes me feel even worse, knowing how quickly I’ll be gone. How I’ve failed my future children I’ll never get to have, my husband who would have loved me I’m sure, and my poor old dog who waits by the food bowl only to find it empty each day I’m gone.

“I don’t like these chances.” I laugh with tears in my eyes, hands holding onto his as our forehead touch, my best friend holding me like no one ever has, not even Megan, who had long grownup into a woman I barely knew, a friend who drifted from me when we were thirteen and cried to her mother about how she missed me when she was sixteen.

Megan held me when my grandma died that day when I was nine, and I was confused as to why she was so sad, but with Harry holding me now, I understand it all better.

“I’m only twenty nine, Harry. At least my grandmothers dementia took away the intense pain of remembering what she was leaving behind.”

“And she lived not knowing who her daughter was for the rest of her life. She must have been so alone.”

I look down at my lap, my palms still pressed against his.

“I’d never forget you, even if my memory starts to go. I’ll never forget you because you’re too important to forget.” Harry smiles when I say that, pulling his hands away from mine to tap his chest quietly.

“And I’d never forget you, even when I’m old and crazy. I’ll keep photos of us on my walls and talk to them when I get bored.” He promised me, the dull light from the sun making the once lavish room feel less like a clean living room and more like a cold hospital.

As the months pass, my hair has been traded for one of Harry’s favorite hats. My shirts switched out for backless gowns with blue dots on the paper like material. My arms are not decorated with the same ink as Harry, but wires and tubes that come from the table beside my hospital bed.

I am twenty nine, but I must look about sixty now with how tired I am from simply trying to steal back the life that was ripped from me unfairly.

And as I fight to keep up with the beeping of the monitors hooked up beside me, I feel my throat rejecting my saliva and my sick coughs stuck behind my teeth.

I heat the same cracking sounds that my grandmother made when I was nine, and I feel relaxed knowing now that it doesn’t hurt to breathe this way, not right now anyway.

And in the silence I can hear an echo of my mother’s words from outside my door, her feminine voice exchanged for the deep one I’d grown rather fond of.

“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”

Harry asks in a hushed tone, the nurse different but her answer just the same.

“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.”

It’s happening again, the spirit leaving my bones to join everyone I’ve ever loved before, my father and my grandma. My mother and my old cousins. I only wished I didn’t have to leave Harry behind, I wished I could dance with him in our college dorms just one more time like we used to, and set fire to the box mac and cheese just one last time.

I remember everything about Harry, the nurse warning that my image of him might waver as my blood begins to slow under the skin. She tells him not to worry when my skin gets cold, it’s natural for people to cool down as their heart gives out.

Harry comes in and holds my hand, pretending the sound of my breathing doesn’t bother him and the sound of me choking on my own saliva is normal and the staggering of my breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while he swears to every single higher power he can think of that I’ll be okay.

And I believe him.

Because while he holds my hand in death, he’s fulfilled the one wish I prayed so hard for a a kid. The one selfish wish I made for myself in a time of need.

When I was nine, standing between my mothers legs with my nails between my teeth I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.

And here Harry was nearly two decades later, holding my hand and promising serenity in the afterlife.

What he doesn’t know is that I am one of the lucky ones. Even after my heart has stopped, I am given one last gift as an apology for such a short life. I am given an extra second of my brain living on, the soft cries of “I love you’s” from Harry the last thing I hear as my dying gasp is cut short from my death rattle breathing.

I have a small service, Harry and some college friends standing in line shaking the hands of the few guests who walk by to look at my body. My nephews and nieces play hide and seek with each other until the ceremony was over, mints stuffed deep in their pockets as they filed out of the funeral home like nothing had happened.

Being famous is weird, especially after a loved one has passed.

We send out prayers to the families of those affected, the media says, but how has the death of this person affected Harry? How has Y/n’s slipping away crushed him beyond belief? Will he dedicate his next album to her?

They don’t care about Y/n, they only care about how she makes a good headline for their companies, and it makes me sick to think about. How they profit off of my grief while I try to stop memorizing the sound of her broken sigh as she went.

I wonder if I was enough for her during her final days. If my touch was enough to cure her for just a brief second.

It’s no wonder I turned to move-on pills. Ones that lift me up and break me down further until I am face up on the bathroom floor we once shared, my eyes wide as I choke on my breathing and count how many times the lights multiply as I look up to the sky.

It’s not a shock that the headlines are out by the end of the day, the sirens enough to alert all of Hollywood of my dying dreams and my perfect execution.

My family stands in a line while they put my casket into the hearse, makeup on my face like they put on my grandpa, I can barely recognize myself as I watch the funeral service from another space.

And as they bury me under the ground, the media announces their grief and well wishes to all that attended and the millions watching from their televisions.

As a kid, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.

But now that it’s happening, I only care for one thing, I only asked for one thing in the letter I left behind. Lay me beside my best friend, so I can keep holding her hand through death, and we can laugh in the afterlife like we did when we were healthy, happy, and together.

[things-that-weevils-do]

ive been turning these 2 around in my mind so so much lately... id like to share why i like them, so ill do so under cut :)

what draws them together? both of their traumas are part of them. neither of them are going to 'get better' in the expected way. they can learn to cope with their struggles, possibly get medications to help with that, but that's it. theyre similar in many things ('their trauma isnt leaving', both are suicidal "feeling suicidal/i wish i wasnt alive" "i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL"), neither like who they are as people "all the pretty girls make me not wanna be me" "do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?") and both of their songs are about their relationships with other people, even if its not the main theme

weevildoing said this about disposable girl. with chemical girl, its more obvious

this gives them both a deeper understanding of each other !! even though their traumas are still different, theyve got this similarity. they could talk about that, relate to each other, etc...

another thing that draws them together: their interests, id say! she was a skater girl she was a fitness girl, can i make it any more obvious... most of their hobbies arent the exact same, but they are at least in a similar vein id say - anime and gundam, skating and fitness, rap and megan thee stallion. they could easily enjoy each other's interest, i think!:)

what stands in the way? misunderstanding and miscommunication. i think that (when theyre first getting to know each other, at least) disposable wouldnt stand up for herself/tell chemical when shes uncomfortable/when chemical says something that upsets her ("being mistreated would at least mean im real" "that at least means youre someone that they wanna be around"). she'd feel like voicing these things would cost her her and chemical's relationship. i also feel like she wouldnt see this as something worth communicating, possibly

thatd be a problem in all relationships ofc, but itd upset chemical girl especially. she has a hard time forming relationships ("i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?"). she pushes others away so that she cant hurt them ("theres no point in getting close, leave me alone"). i think that if she and disposable got close, and she found out that it isnt communicating its feelings, shed be upset !! yknow ?? thinking that youve finally found a friend that likes you as you are, when in reality ur just hurting them with everything that you say... getting close to someone for the first time in forever, opening up, just to find that out would probs frustrate her

have an example of smth that i think that would happen when theyre first getting to know each other

i think they'd communicate this eventually tho:) yay yippee! im communication and im understanding🏳️‍🌈the girlfriends

what are their good traits? they want to be there for each other, to help each other grow, to understand one another!! like in "what draws them together?", they understand each other more than the average person. they could help each other accept this - like, its easier to accept people for things that you beat yourself up about, yknow? were more strict with ourselves than other people, its easier to deem someone else as deserving of love than yourself, etc etc... since theyre similar in many things, they could learn to love themselves while they start to love each other !! i hope that makes sense..

them sharing hobbies would be SOOO so cute!!! chemical teaching disposable fitness so that she has an outlet for her frustration, disposable teaching chemical how to skate... chemical showing it gundam, her figurine collection, disposable showing her anime, them listening to rap together.... it would be so cute !!!!! i think disposable would enjoy fitness, but would be embarassed by being bad at it/being slow/sweating a lot/etc. chemical would be cheering her on, proud of her for the smallest improvements... likewise, i think chemical would suck at skating. steps on the skateboard and it explodes. u know how it is

what makes them hopeless at romance? ARGHHH "what to do, when everybody that ive loved has only up and left me?" "im alwasy left out of everything" "nobody fuckinf wants me" vs "theres no point in getting close, leave me alone" "i dont think you should come by my place tonight" "nobody can keep up with me"... need i say more...

i think they should latch onto each other like leeches and never let go

thank you if youve read this far:) theyre so everything to me !!!! theyre sooo... god... shaking them!!!! arghrrrr!!! chemwaste!!! save me chemwaste!!!

(both of these poses are from mellon_soup)

[thepersonperson]

omg i'm so excited to find your blog!

its genuinely hard to find someone out here in the wasteland of jjk fandom who reads the manga and also doesn't discard the queercodedness of the characters and the interpersonal relationships between them!!

I'm curious if you have any ideas on how this all might end? Gege keeps saying the manga will end by the end of 2024 but it feels like there's so many things to be addressed.

I personally think it might end in either two options: cursed energy ceases to exist altogether (all sorcerers die and humanity is left to fend of for its own curses it creates) or everyone becomes like Maki (no/minimal cursed energy but can fight curses- too optimistic). Knowing Gege there might be a secret third, forth or fifth thing as well :D

I also think Megumi will be saved for sure and he will activate the merger, but also I'm thinking there might be a small little moment something like happened between Gojo and Geto in Shibuya otherwise Yuta laying there useless is so much wasted potential.

Do you have theories?

The burden of proof for queer readings is really high because the default reactions to them are 1) you’re reading too much into it due to personal/shipping biases and 2) unless the creator is explicit, it’s unreasonable to assume they would include queerness on purpose.

So it’s not uncommon for those who would otherwise have these readings to overcorrect and minimize the queerness to show they aren’t biased in that way. I find that to be incredibly unfair to creators that have to be subtle because of the political landscape or laws limiting queer expression.

What makes me comfortable being so overt about queerness in Jujutsu Kaisen isn’t Gege’s personal interest in yaoi and inclusion of characters indisputably outside of the gender binary. It’s the fudging dudebros.

You have to understand. I grew up on an internet where dudebros loathed any ounce of queerness. They unilaterally hated gay ships. There’s also the entire existence of the trap meme and slur used to erase the identities of characters that are trans or genderless.

But with Jujutsu Kaisen? Even notoriously homophobic Black Twitter is posting things like this.

This is unheard of. Instead of denying the queerness in Gojo and Geto’s relationship they are arguing over who tops or bottoms. (Honestly I am fascinated by how much black people, myself included, love this series. I’ve never been in a fandom where black culture is the default for memes. Calling Sukuna The Unc? Famous music artists Usher and Megan Thee Stallion like doing cosplays. I should probably do a whole post on that.)

And it keeps happening. I keep seeing dudebros have takes that put all of tumblr degenerates to shame.

They fudging reinvented mpreg with canon compliant mechanics.

It's not just limited to Satosugu. Just look at this.

And when you look at these people’s profiles, they are straight men. Most of their timelines are powerscaling, sports, busty women, or hentai.

If the dudebros are acknowledging the queer subtext as a part of canon, it’s no longer reaching to interpret the text that way as far as I’m concerned.

For your other points…

I doubt the manga will end in 2024 because of all the unexpected health related breaks Gege has taken. That statement was made before these breaks and likely under the assumption things would meet a specific schedule.

I don’t really have theories for how the series will end. Every time I try to guess the direction of the plot it’s always wrong. The only predictions I can make with some accuracy are things with respect to character relationships and motivations. I sure hope to get more character interactions and less death though! (<The delusions of a foolish creature.)

[cosmicmaars]

watched a full gameplay of c09 the flipside and i have the same opinion on it as everybody else,, yea its bad lmao

imo the best endings are the ari dies ending (unfortunately, rip one of my favorite lesbians) and the nicoles suicide ending. i felt like those two were the ones most written like the two previous games and didnt leave me a bad enough taste on my mouth,, apart from those id like to completely ignore the fact that theres other routes.

but maybe later though because something that striked me as weird is ive been seeing people defend the characterization of nicole in the scene with jecka's dad (yk the one) and its like ??

i know that nicole is not a good person and she does petty and cruel things to people just because she can, but its to who shes doing that petty and cruel thing to that is the problem. nicole is shown (although kinda subtely) to actually care for jecka. i mean come on,, she causes trouble intentionally just so the counselour can focus on her and leave jecka alone to smoke in peace all so jecka would talk to her again. if nicole saw her in the same light she did megan or ari she wouldnt have cared enough to do anything.

hell honestly i dont think nicole would even stoop that low! the only times she does anything that would be considered a sexual act is when shes literally broke and homeless. im pretty sure she would rather die than ever touch that middle aged man,,

in conclusion the game was shit and i hate how that scene destroys a part of nicoles character and how its basically just jecka torture fest with nothing in it to make it even mildly funny (except maybe the hatman scene)

[xxrhxysxx]

John Price headcanons #1

this will be multiple parts because I love this man also I'm really trying to write more.

(TW: nothing really, some swearing and very little talk on sexuality and what he finds sexy)

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He likes chocolate ice cream. It is literality his favorite flavor ( he used to eat an unhealthy amount when he was a kid lol)

He’s more of a coffee person than a tea person.

When he was a kid he used to have a cute little doggy named Valorie. He lost her to old age and now really likes the song by Amy Winehouse.

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When he was a kid he also had a big fat crush on Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog.

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He almost got married once but it really didn’t work out…

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I personally HC him as unlabeled sexually. he likes both men and women, and if had to pick he would say bisexual but he isn’t sure. He really doesn't care as long as he and whoever he's with are both happy.

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He had a shit ton of black friends growing up lol ( this is probably why he's so fond of Gaz) He most likely had a black girlfriend at some point. Long term too!

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He takes really good care of his beard.

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The first time he had non-British food he damn near left the country permanently. This man was in love ( he specifically loves Indian and Jamaican cuisine)

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He loves 80s-2000s rock but also listens to jazz and R&B.

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Probably has a small crush on Megan Thee Stallion ( it really is not that small lol breaks his neck whenever her name is mentioned in conversation) Gaz is on his ass about it lol

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He has a slight dad-bod

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He thinks open-backed clothes are sexy

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He lives in an apartment it is quite big but it's nothing special. He wants a pet to come home to but he’d be too worried it will die while he is gone.

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He would love his partner no matter what. You would need to do something world-shattering for him to stop loving you.

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He snores so fucking loud omg... (It's bad guys... Real bad)

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. That's it. I had a lot of run writing this and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it my request are in fact open so if anyone what to sent a request I'd be happy to answer it. Tho it might take me a minute because in a slow writer and school is hard lol-rhys☆

[robby-bobby-tommy]

As it is obvious from my blog, I adore TFP. It is the first Transformers show I've watched (I remember watching tf content before, yet i can't remember which it was). Yet as always, I have some criticism even to my most beloved things and now I want to talk about one of these. And the name to him is Dreadwing.

Dreadwing is particularly interesting cuz he seems like one sane person in the whole Nemesis, who is undeniably loyal to the cause. Something that even Megatron isn't anymore. Dreadwing is a great example of what the decepticon should be. Fierce, strong, yet smart, noble, loyal and respectful to his own team. And this is an interesting since we've never seen this before, cuz everyone else on Nemesis strayed from this path and just using this cause as a way of manipulation. And still Dreadwing was most loyal to Megatron, with the only thing standing between him and total obedience is his love for his late brother (Skyquake, hun, sorry, but I literally forgot abt you the moment you died).

And this is a great start, but all this potential was, at least for me, wasted.

Firstly. His position which he came in the show. He was presented to us as a) a threat; b) Wheeljack's enemy/rival. And that's when my first problem starts here. Let's look at the statistics.

Optimus prime — Megatron

Ratchet — KO (or Shockwave)

Bumblebee — KO

Bulkhead — Breakdown

Arcee — Arachnid

Smokescreen — KO (why does he have a beef with every child in the group?)

Ultra Magnus — Predaking

And then Wheeljack is like — ?????

And yeah, I am upset abt lack of Wheeljack in TFP, but it's relevant to my Dreadwing rant, since all the others I've mentioned has met at least once/twice and had some resolution to their rivalry (even though not the good one), but cowboy loose cannon and a flying samurai never even mention each other after their episode. It is cuz Wheeljack really likes to disappear from the plot for Primus knows how long, while this Seeker stays through all the season 2 until my greatest disappointment came.

Secondly, Dreadwing's death is the dumbest scrap I've seen and looks like a very rude way to get rid of character. I still have no idea of why Megan chose Starscream over someone who's loyal to you to the point of disobeying to save ur tailpipe! And don't start the 'but DW disobeyed him', WING BOY WAS PROMOTED FOR IT.

Furthermore, from the moment I saw him even if I thought DW was to die, I considered it would happen in a battle with Wheeljack. It would be so interesting to see a death match between two guys, madly loyal to their friends/family/team. But nahh, Jackie never tries to go after winged edgelord ever again and never even ask if he's up to rematch.

(Also, funny how Dreadwing is so mad at SS for bringing Skyquake back to life as a zombie, but not at Bee and OP for literally killing him..... Priorities, huh.. Just another scrap u to Starscream for no reason.)

[goodluckclove]

WRITERS - Read More Nonfiction! (With Recs)

Okay so before I start I'm making it very clear that I don't say this as some generalized statement about how All Online People Aren't Reading Right. I doubt that's true! But based on some of the threads and discourse I see on my corner on Writeblr, it definitely seems like a lot of you would greatly benefit from expanding the scope of what you read.

I think there's probably a big stigma against nonfiction for a lot of people - there was for me for the longest time. Maybe six years ago, though, I stumbled into the genre and found that it can actually be rad as shit. It's been an invaluable form of research from people who definitely know what they're talking about, as well as a way to open myself up to new ideas.

You have chronic writers block? It could potentially be because you're consuming exclusively one genre of media. If that's the case, this will definitely get the gears turning!

Below are a collection of my favorite nonfiction books from my own shelf. The funny thing I immediately learned about suggesting more than like three nonfiction books at a time is that it does paint a kind of intimate picture of who I am. Feel free to tell me if these recommendations surprise you based on who you view me to be.

Clove's Favorite Nonfiction Books!

The Mystery of the Exploding Teeth by Thomas Morris - a collection of historical medical cases back when someone would see a doctor for a gunshot wound and the doctor would treat it with a laxative. WILD stuff.

American Monsters by Linda S. Godfrey - US cryptids! Lots of first person accounts.

Cursed Objects by J. W. Ocker - Famous cursed shit. Quick read but very fun.

The Cloudspotter's Guide by Gavin Prector-Pinney - this was written by the founder of the Cloud Appreciation Society, a real organization. It tells you everything you need to know about clouds. Fascinating.

Gory Details by Erika Englehaupt - stories and studies of more morbid and "gross" aspects of science, like the guys who stung themselves with instincts to measure the pain or that beach that feet kept washing up on for a while. Cool interviews with science people.

Fuzz by Mary Roach - wild animals break the law a lot actually and we still as a species don't really know what to do about that.

Spook by Mary Roach - an account of Ghost Believing from all sides of the argument. There was a guy who measured dying bodies to see if he could see them get lighter as their soul escaped.

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimberly - an indigenous-influenced look at our relationship as a species to nature around us. Really beautiful prose from someone who I believe is primarily a botanist and activist?

All the Living and the Dead by Hayley Campbell - stories and analysis from different aspects of the death industry! Embalmers to crime scene cleaners! Super interesting!

American Afterlives by Shannon Lee Dawdy - I have. A lot of death culture books. A lot. This one talks about all the neat things people in America do with their bodies after they die in the modern age. It's fun!

Dark Archives by Megan Rosenbloom - so this IS a book on the history of Anthropodermic bibliopegy, or books bound in human skin. I'm actually midway through this now and it's super fascinating and cool. Also my wife refuses to talk to me about this so I'd love someone else to talk to.

The Secret Lives of Color by Cassia St. Clair - I read like four books on color theory and pigment for a novel I wrote a few years ago and this was my favorite. It's a look into a ton of major hues and pigments throughout history as well as a peek into the timeline of color making. Did you know making green fabrics used to be illegal?

Atlas Obscura - a fucking cool look into weird and unique spots across the globe. Every artist who works with places should have access to this. It's awesome.

Every Caitlin Doughty book they're all great. She's a modern mortician and founder of the Order of the Good Death. Just an incredible human being and a super engaging and informative writer.

If someone wants to reblog with their favorite nonfiction books and what they got from them, be my guest! Maybe someone could use a new read to get their next idea or refine what they're currently working on!

[hoshigray]

hoshi~ i have a request for you. more like a question. between the jjk men who do you think would like megan thee stallion, please this is purely for my enjoyment.

Omg, noonie, this is such a cute and funny question!! As a mega Megan enjoyer, walk with me on this one, okie? Hehehe~ (yes, I did edit Gojo's face in that third photo, LMAO i was bored!!)

He wasn't the first person that came to mind, but out of the MEN, I'd say Gojo would be a proud Thee Stallion enjoyer—wait, here me out, hear me out‼️‼️You know those memes of those brawny gym dudes who you think are listening to heavy or aggressive metal, but they're actually listening to cute shit like the childhood theme songs? Picture that, but with tall ass Gojo taking the train, looking intimidating tapping his foot on the floor with headphones on... but he's really just vibing to Freaky Girls and Consistency😭 🎧🎶

you cannot tell me that man wouldn't have Pull Up Late, Ain't Equal, or Girls in the Hood as his ringtone 🫤🫤 (please, he'd sing along with the tune before answering the call LOOOL) he most definitely sang W.A.P and Don't Stop, verbatim, just to piss off or annoy Megumi 💀💀 but outside of the music, I think he'd like her regardless!! Like they share so much in common: tall, exercise, know they're the shit, AND they're both nerds (she loves anime and video games like him, and he loves Digimon)!!! oh yeah, he's def a Hottie inside and out 💁🏾‍♀️✨️✨️ omg stop he'd definitely have a poster of Tina Snow bc he likes how Megan looks with white hair 😭😭😭 oh God he loves her cosplays, but he'd suck his teeth when he sees she did one for Sukuna 🤭🤭 sorry Gojo bby

So yeah!!! While I believe some of the other men would give Megan a listen, either out of curiosity or they randomly stumble upon one of her songs, I think Gojo would dial his liking to more of an actual fan of hers, both in personality and lyrically 🙇🏾‍♀️💕 if he doesn't hum or mumble the lyrics to Ain't Equal or What's New at least once a day, he just might die no joke 🤷🏾‍♀️ wait actually imagine his VA actually singing the lyrics 💀💀 that'd be so cute and hilarious!!!

[roastingyourfave-again]

You completely omitted the court documents on purpose? I'm guessing to keep yourself from looking disingenuous? I'm not sure. But zayn never pleaded guilty he plead No contest to A3 harassment charges. And if you want to know what A3 harassment is:

Which in the state of Pennsylvania is a misdemeanor charge -- which brings me to the next point. You stated that zayn would be deported or lose custody of his child if he didn't plead guilty?

1. No, zayns charges were not considered crimes of turpitude and were considered minor also we don't know if zayn has or hasn't applied for US citizenship so deportation (if he is a citizen) would not exist for him.

2. We also don't know if gigi and zayn did a legal custody hearing so again I don't think you know what you are talking about.

Gigi Hadid did press charges. Everyone zayn yelled at pressed charges against him which is where the 4 counts come from. Which is also why he had to take anger management classes for 6 months.

Also "zayn said he himself was an abuser" I don't think you know how plea's work, zayn pleaded no contest which means this:

"He pushed liam against a wall which is proof of his violent behavior" it literally isn't, and again we don't know what transpired before then.

Again omitting information to serve yourself. This is embarrassing. Megan Smith never said that harry was dating and cheating on Kendall. Megan Smith said that Mr. Harry styles actively pursued her told everyone that she was his gf and then ghosted her only for Megan to find out that he was hooking up with Kendall on the side. She then said she confronted him and he blatantly ignored her.

Here is the article:

"Harry never had a girlfriend on tour" did he tell you that? Because as an og 1d fan that's simply not true. The only reason why his Fandom thinks this is because he doesn't claim any of these women publicly. But the north remembers.

I think this part is what made me the most upset. Shoving someone against a wall and sticking your tongue down their throat is absolutely harassment. I know that's a hard pill to swallow but it is. I'm personally not trying to say harry styles is a bad person because I can only assume that it happened once. But hypothetically, if this is something that he did all the time how many women do you think would feel uncomfortable because of it? Also perpetuating this as something that is OK to do because he kissed her in the parking lot once? That doesn't make it okay to force yourself on someone on a different occasion.

This is very dangerous rhetoric. "She was happy it happened she was smiling ear to ear" wow, is this the hill you want to die on?

Keep in mind, the original post to her wasn't even demonizing harry. They was using his stories as examples of why it would be irresponsible for them to consider him a predator based off the things they heard about. Like her calling zayn a domestic abuser when he's not.

Also, that video is public. The girl blatantly says that as soon as she walks into Harry Styles home, he pushes her against the wall and kisses her against. Which was not consensual. After they interviewers ask her if he ever got in contact with her after, she replied no that was the last time they spoke, which, again, is very odd.

@cantcompetewhereudontcompare