#me looking from afar as the world crumbles: man why don't you all just... leave paris

[shinewonder]

They can be whatever i want them to be, therefore they’re the otp

[caesthetix]

KIDS IN LOVE — Pt. 1 No Beauty In War

↪Porco Galliard mini-series

↪content; major character death, canon universe, description of violence, unrequited love, admiring from afar, season 4 spoiler, manga spoiler 119

War was cruel and he tried to push you away from it.

Everything used to be so easy before. When your routine was just sending cookies and cupcakes to the Galliards, when your concern was just the blush on Porco's face when Pieck was around, when what you knew was that the Island of Paradis filled with demons.

How beautiful the world was before, for you to have such a mundane life.

You wished you could go back to that time.

"Hey, Pock."

He groaned once the nickname slipped from your lips, making you chuckle in the process with how easy it was to make him agitated. And for that, you really needed to thank Pieck later. "Pock, Pock~ Why don't you look at me~?"

"Seriously, you are such a kid." He grumbled, irritated with how you were just here only to annoy him. Your feet dangling on the tree stump where you sat on. "Why don't you go home? Just drop your cookies to my mom instead of being here doing nothing."

"Well, I am a kid!" You exclaimed. "And what's wrong with being here? I want to hang out for a while." With you, but you bite your tongue to hold that thought from reaching the surface.

The blonde just shrugged and continued his chore, chopping down some of the wood into halves. He was always groaning so loud as he did so, as if he put all of his energy into that. You knew better though, he was more than capable of cutting down a few kinds of wood with a meagre strength.

And knowing that he had changed into a colder person since Marcel embarked on the mission in Paradis, you needed to be extra careful with him.

"Hey, Porco." You called out once again, fingers fiddling with the bag of cookies in your hand.

"What?" He answered nonetheless, despite the annoyance that was dripping in his tone.

You pondered if it was the right thing to ask. But you have made up your mind, the thought had been haunting you for perhaps months now, making you restless at the point it was hard for you to sleep. So you couldn't back down, you need to know of a way.

"Who usually is needed in a war except, well, warriors?"

He stopped his axe midair as the question slipped from your lips, putting it down slowly before giving his full attention to you. You flinched, trying to act as calm as ever under his wandering gaze. His lips shaped into a thin line, eyes scrutinizing your face.

"There are medics, of course." He stated, though somehow he sounded careful as he shared the information. "Doctors, nurses, we all need any kind of help within that field. Then there was a researcher, professor, you know — geniuses."

You nodded, pondering if you could be in one of the fields. Perhaps nurses, yes, you just needed to know all the basics, working alongside doctors. But you didn't know if you could start to be a dependable nurse at the same time Porco would go on a mission.

"And chef."

Your eyes immediately lit up at his last statement. "Warriors and others need food too." Good. Cooking was something that you could do. You even knew that Porco loved some of the cuisines that you made, from how he always asked for a second when the Galliard had dinner at your house.

Deep in thought, you didn't see how his eyes filled with horror at the realisation.

"Then, what can I do to be enlisted in a war?" You looked up, now with confidence in your voice.

"Huh?"

"Tell me, Porco. You must know information like this, right?" You slightly begged, softening your eyes to push down the eagerness on your gesture. "I want to join you, to be there beside you when we win and for us to get our freedom." You rambled on, but your friend just stayed put in his place without saying anything. "Porco—"

"You think war is a game for you?" His voice was low, making your pupils dilated at the bitterness in it. "War needs someone braver, not just someone with a mindless dream like you." You didn't know what was in his head right now, but this side of him scared you.

Porco took a few steps forward, now just inches away from where you sat. His eyes glowering down at you with disgust, you couldn't help but let out a small whimper. "You think your burnt cookies and mediocre food could please the higher-ups? You think a weak kid like you could survive more than an hour on the battlefield?"

"I am not weak." You answered as stern as possible, ignoring the crack in your voice as you challenged his gaze. His eyes twitched at your reply before seething in anger at your words.

As if something snapped within him, he grabbed your wrist and raised it abruptly, so fast that you couldn't hold your grasp on the bag of cookies. You gasped as the crumbs scattered on the ground, but you couldn't move to save it as his hand tightened. "Porco, let me go—"

"See? You are weak." It felt so brutal at the reminder. "I am here gripping your wrist with a little force and you are already cowering like a kid." He smirked, but it was not the same smirk that he usually had when he teased you. "Oh, yeah, you are a kid." He wrecked you, slapping the fact on your face. "And a kid like you will die in a war."

He gritted out every word with mockery. You knew that being a part of the war meant that you had to be more assertive, braver. But wouldn't everyone work together to win the war? If one of the warriors was in need of assistance, wouldn't they help each other?

But Porco being Porco, he knew what clouded your mind. "Never think that someone would save you. Not even me. You know why?" His face grew closer at the point you could feel his hot breath on your face, making you suck your breath. "Because you are not worth saving."

You kicked him with all of your might, turning your face in another direction as you jumped down from the tree stump and ran. You didn't want him to see the tears threatening to fall, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction that his words impacted you deeply that you knew it would leave a scar on your heart.

"You go, kid! Run!" You heard him shout. "Do the only thing that a kid could do! Run!"

Yes, you were running away from him. But as you run, you balled your hand into a fist.

You promised that someday you were going to prove to him that you were not just a useless kid.

War was an endless nightmare, and how everything turned out in front of you became a reminder of what it was capable to do.

You heard the scream, a familiar scream that threatens to tear your eardrums. It was Zeke, that howl belonged to the beast titan. And just like that, you could see all the glows around you. One, two, no, you couldn't count how many of the Eldians in Paradis rapidly turned into titans. The city lit up with almost everyone becoming a monster inside their blood.

As you lay low on the tall building, you wiped your eyes from the dust and dirt, wanting to see more clearly of the condition in the battlefield below you. You gasped when you saw two familiar light blondes that belonged to the Grice brothers.

He glowed, Falco's body covered with a yellowish light. That was when you realised what was going to happen. The boy might have ingested Zeke's spinal fluid, and from the range he stood right now, the power inside him would be activated.

That little kid had so much in his future, and you wondered if he ever told Gabi about his feelings. And now, he was going to be a titan.

But your eyes watered even more when you saw as Colt stayed still, he was there hugging his little brother, not caring anymore that it would kill him in the process.

"Colt—"

You cracked your neck to the left and right, stretching your limbs as you let the tiredness start to sink in. Today, you were helping Niccolo to feed the Eldians warriors, saying that it would be a good time too to get to know some of the warriors who fought for Marley.

Ever since you received the invitation from Commander Magath, you had been working nonstop. He praised your skills in knowing nutrition and your capability of making a personal menu for each warrior, informing you that you would be a good addition to the military.

There was no time to slack off, you sharpened your mind and tried a lot of new recipes that could please the warriors while sticking to their diet.

"Hey, you can go there, you know? Some of them asked to meet the new chef behind their, let me quote, magnificent food." You snorted as Niccolo cleaned his hands with the towel. "Take off your apron and flaunt! You are only young once."

"You are young too, remember that?" You chuckled at his remark. For a pure Marleyan, you were surprised that he didn't look down at you. He respected your skills, not caring that you were an Eldian, and treated you like you were family most of the time. "But okay, I will take your advice."

Cleaning your hand and taking off your apron, you looked at the small mirror in the kitchen to make sure that you look proper. You heard a chuckle from your friend, somehow knowing that you were always a worrywart when it came to how people looked at you.

"You look fine, just go on, they are begging to meet you."

"Alright, alright you impatient old man."

You ignored the surprised gasp from him and went outside to the room where he assigned the warriors to. To say that you were nervous would be an understatement, you were afraid that you would flinch or ended up being too timid.

No, you were not a kid anymore. A few intimidating warriors wouldn't make you crumble.

You heard a loud chatter as you stood in front of the door. It was wrong to eavesdrop, but when you heard someone mention how good your cook was, your heart swelled with appreciation. Alright, that was enough, it would be better if you announced yourself.

Knock knock knock.

You heard a shout telling you to come in, and you didn't waste your time over it. The second you came in and closed the door behind you, you straightened your posture and gave them a small bow.

"See? Now you owe me another meal here."

"It's a young woman, I did not expect that."

"Wait, (Y/n)?"

In between all of the noises from the men, who apparently made a bet about how the chef would look, you heard a feminine voice coming from one of the chairs. Your eyes fleeting towards their direction, finding a woman with slightly dishevelled black hair and relaxed eyes.

"Huh?" You blinked, recognition dawned upon you. Then your eyes widened. "Pieck?"

Your hands were sweating as you tried to lock your gaze on her. She blinked as she saw the distress in your eyes, yet you kept staring at her. If she was here, then that would mean one thing.

Porco was here too.

Well, that explained the feeling of someone glaring a hole in your skull.

"Pieck, you know her?" Someone spoke up, it was the same man whose voice you recognised praising your food before. Before she could answer, he walked toward you with a giddy step, a soft smile plastered on his face as he extended your hand for you to shake. "Name's Colt, Colt Grice."

His presence brought you back to reality. You were here to impress them, a ghost from the past could be taken care of later. Shaking his hand, you gave him a polite smile as you looked at him with your warm gaze. You tried not to think too much about the blush on his face at the moment.

You still could feel someone drilling holes in your direction. The man in front of you seemed not to notice. Colt was saying a lot of things to you. He ignored some groan in the background about how he was taking all of your attention, he continued praising your food and how everyone didn't expect to see a beautiful young woman to be the one behind their marvellous food today.

"I thank Commander Magath for assigning you to the military branch."

Someone stood up abruptly from their chair, making you flinch a little before composing yourself in a second. Both you and Colt, interrupted from the light conversation from before, now focused on the commotion behind you. There you saw a man with his gaze darkened, hands gripping tight on the side of the table. His friends were worried about his drastic gesture.

"Hey, Porco, are you alright?"

But his flaming eyes never left your face.

The aftermath of the titans' transformation was hell. All of the warriors were scrambling around to save themselves, only resulting in a delayed death. Their end was impending, and yet they were all wriggling and running, fighting for their own life.

Your gaze was still fixated on the spot where the brothers stood before. It was as if there were hundreds of bombs that detonated at the same time and now your vision filled with dust and rubble, blinding you from what was happening.

You whimpered as dried tears stained your cheek. For the past few hours, you have cried so much as you saw the cruelty of war. But Colt, oh, Colt — a man who was too good for this world, someone who cared deeply for his brother, someone who always hyped you up even when your old friend seemed to try to kick you out from the military.

War was evil, that was what Porco always tried to say to you. And yet here you were, in the middle of it all, watching how your race tried to kill each other. Watching; how your comrades died one by one in the most gruesome way.

No, there was still Porco. You still had Porco, Pieck, and Reiner. You couldn't see where the jaw titan was before, unlike the others. The last time you saw him was when he worked side by side with Reiner before all the debris concealed your vision from the event under you.

But as your vision finally cleared, you felt like someone just shot you through your chest.

"No. No."

A titan tried to eat Reiner. His jaw was fixated on the Armored Titan's nape. Somehow the titan looked familiar, and your eyes widened when you connected the missing puzzle.

It was Falco, and you didn't dare to look around, feeling sure that Colt was gone for certain from how close he was with his brother when he transformed.

Searching through the battlefield, you squint your eyes, trying to understand what was happening right now. Then you saw it, the jaw titan. Porco's titan. Laying idly on the ground not too far from Reiner.

Then just like that, you were reminded of how cruel war could be.

Falco's titan retracted his jaw from Reiner's nape. His long neck whipped to the side, murderous eyes locked to a new prey that was out in the open. A human flesh, without anything concealing them.

It was him, Porco, your old friend, the one who never wanted you to be here in the first place. Half of his face was gone from the impact that he took as a titan. You couldn't hear what he said as he walked to where Falco and Reiner were.

Everything happened so fast after that, yet you could catch every detail of how it took place.

You watched as he just accepted his fate, the pace that he chose was slow, though certain as he was ready to embrace death. He didn't scream, he didn't do anything as Falco's titan ran towards him, with one goal to devour him alive.

That was what he always did, saving children and comrades.

No matter how many humans he killed, no matter how his face often turned into a scowl for certain people, he was always the same Porco Galliard who would prioritize kids and his friends. He never changed. No, that was wrong. He did change.

But even though he changed, he had become a better man for every day that went by.

You couldn't hear anything as your eyes never left the nightmare in front of you. All the bodies that scattered around the ground, your comrades, fellow Eldians from Marley, even some citizens that you met here in Paradis, and Colt. Their deaths would be imprinted forever in your head.

Porco was right after all, just like usual, maybe this was why he didn't want you to be here. There were so many times he would pull you to the side after a meeting, just to tell you about the terror that followed in war. He told you about the horror inside the dead bodies, bloodshed, and screams that flew nonstop.

He tried so hard to show you that war was something that couldn't be stopped. That one day all of your comrades would die, some couldn't be recognised anymore, and neither would you. After all the war that you had been through before, you kept looking forward and never let yourself linger for a long time.

You always shrugged it off before, knowing for certain what you were signed up to. Of course, there was no beauty in war, you even knew there was no winning side at the end of the day. Just people who died on the battlefield, and those who survived.

Every time you imagine what war looks like, you were always ready. No matter how many deaths that you have seen, your eyes kept fixated on the freedom that would follow soon.

But perhaps, it was not the war itself that he deterred you from stumbling in — it was this.

Your hand clasped your mouth as you let the dam break, new tears replacing the previous stains that were glued on your face. Falco's titan crashed to the ground as he had Porco's body in between its teeth. You wanted to scream out, but you couldn't, or else the titans surrounding you would eat you alive.

The worlds crumbled the second you knew there was no tomorrow for Porco.

He was gone, half of his body swallowed down in an instant. And you could do nothing except push down your pain and hide yourself even further inside the rumbles where you hid.

You tried to calm down as you processed what happened. There he goes, he leaves and wouldn't come back. Your heart was racing and not from a reason that you wanted to remember. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you realised — that was the last time for you to take a look at your dearest friend.

And you would never have a chance to tell him.

Neither of how right he was about war.

Nor how beautiful he was in your eyes.

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[lostadrianda]

The house of wolves

Part II

Ссылка на русскую версию: https://ficbook.net/readfic/8551009

I move on along the familiar path. My feet are dragging themselves. I’m getting closer to the aim. I know it, but I won't admit it to myself. I bend the branches of trees that block the road. I scratch my foot on some sticks and don't even pay much attention. My head is spinning… Yes, but no wonder, with such a life it is easy to go mad, it was I who held on for a long time. The noise gets louder. I go to it — the most accurate reference point. It's already rumbling in my ears. I climb up on a black rock, my foot slides a little, but I hold on, jumping on until I reach the edge. The water breaks down, whipping up white foam. Small drops keep falling on my skin. I shiver from the cold. And the answer is so simple. Waiting for five years is, of course, a very long time. I should have met you then, Death. You know, you too have the power to defeat the Fox. But you keep waiting and taking only my loved ones. Here I am! Maybe you needed me all this time.

The river breaks on sharp rocks. It pulls leaves and small twigs down with it. I can't look away. And my heart is so calm… I can't remember the last time this happened to me. I can still control something in my life. What's the difference? A month or two, they'll be done with me soon anyway.

"Have you decided to go down?"

I look back at the voice. Among the spruce branches, the guy stands, only his skin turns white. I look at him and give him some time. Everyone recognize me. But he doesn't say anything. Too bad, I'd like to get this over with.

"Are you a son of the Tsar's?"

"I am. Since when is it customary to talk to traitors?”

Come on, you know what to do. Are you too young and not brave enough yet? No, you're about my age. The guy steps forward.

“I was trained to shoot traitors like mad dogs”.

“Then why do you hesitate?"

“You're not a traitor".

My foot slides down and I have to jump off the rocks. I haven't heard anything like this in a long time. I squint my eyes and can't find any good words.

“Who are you?"

"Go back, or they'll start looking for you in the camp. Tomorrow at dawn, come to the house on the edge of the forest”.

“Why would I do that?"

“What else can you do?"

The grass under my feet rustles, clinging. I turn deeper into the dark trees, and the guy still stands there and looks at me. Where did he come from? Is it possible that someone sent by the Fox wants to check me out? Then I should stay away. But the guy is right, even though he knows nothing about me. What else can I do?

I lay there all night with my head up. Highlights move on the walls of the tent and some vague shadows appear. The camp life is not easy. While we were in the houses, not everything went smoothly either. But here it is unsettling. You are never alone; somebody all the time is keeping an eye on you. You can't hide. And if our camp has already been found and they decide to attack at night, they will kill everyone. The whole life is in constant fear. I thought I got used to it. I turn over from side to side and listen. All the sounds seem to be strange to me. The mind is inflamed, irritated by feelings. It's overreacting to everything now. I don't like these woods. I may not know much about the Islands, but I've heard that there are scary creatures here. I close my eyes. It feels like the world is swaying. I hear the drops begin to hit the tent, one at first, and then dozens, and the trickles run down. I’m about to fall asleep, but thoughts don’t let go. I'll have to leave early tomorrow because of this weather. If only it would be quiet by morning. I don't want to get wet from head to toe. For some reason, of all the troubles, this is the only one that bothers me. People may be digging a hole for me and I'm worried about the rain. But I'm tired of thinking about other things. I'll take my rifle with me, and then come what may come.

Drops clatter… A little quieter, but the storm does not calm down. And it hits the leaves of the trees; you'll see all the fires will be extinguished. Tomorrow the camp will be filled with mud. They can see my tracks, too... that's enough, that's enough with me. Strange, it turns out, I still want to live. I'm still hoping for something. Probably, you can never break it in a person. Why the dream is not…

The first bird screams somewhere. In the morning, drops hang on the needles of fir trees. I brush my shoulder against them as I pass. Everything is silver, and the air is damp. There is no sun yet, but it is already light, and the sky is as smoky as all the days before. How can you tell when it's dawn? A rifle is slung over my shoulder. It keeps hitting my back and I pull it closer to me. A little out of the woods, and on a hillock you can see the house. It is an old, low house that goes into the ground. I am about to get up to it.

“Your sister came to us before she disappeared”.

I turn around. All the way I thought I was being followed by someone from the camp. I thought the Fox was watching. But no, it is the same guy. His eyes are as light as the sky, but his gaze is heavy. And everything about him is so... right. He's not one of the squads, he's local. Too used to everything. He doesn't carry a weapon. And while we were standing on the Islands, one thought each of the camp learned well: a man without a weapon here is more dangerous than ten to the teeth stuffed.

“Why would she need you?" — I say 'you' and I wonder who they are. My sister didn't trust people easily.

“She had to hide something. Something your chief needs so much, that he has thrown all his forces to that place. But he can't find it without your sister”.

So, she went to the teachers, those who govern the Islands. She is a smart girl.

“The Fox, like everyone else in the camp, thinks she's dead”.

“The Fox is more afraid of your sister than of fire. And he'll never forgive you for saving her, do you hear? He prays that she is dead, even though he doesn't believe in any of the gods above. Only he'd already found out that she'd cut him off. He needs you because he knows your sister will come back for you. And without her, the Fox will get nothing”.

“Why do you have such bold thoughts?”

“Those are observations from afar. To make sure, we need you. Your chief is building a permanent camp, decided to lay low here. And soon he'll be looking for your sister. He's desperate. We need to know what actions he is preparing before he covers the whole earth from the South to the North Sea with blood.

“The words are beautiful. But — I look back to where the water runs, further down, among the tall grasses — why would I do that?”

“Your sister still needs you”.

“No, the dead don't need anyone," — I say, not looking at the guy.

"Then help the once who is alive".

All of them, these teachers, are like that. They believe everything is fine. Beautiful phrases are selected. They think high and talk about high. But they don't know life as I have seen it. As if they exist in their own fairy tales. My sister believed them, but I did not…

“I have no one left alive”.

“It just seems to be that way. There is always something to lose and someone to lose”.

I think, closing my eyes. The river is still noisy.

“You want to make a spy out of me?"

“Yes, until you jumped off the cliff."

How desperate I was. But the guy is right, something is wrong with the Fox lately. Not from a good life, he went into the woods and climbed on the enemies. If he knows something, I should know it.

Slowly, slowly, but no matter how solid it seems, this house of wolves will fall brick by brick. The walls will start to crumble until everyone is buried under the rubble. I'll wait for it. I'll do anything to spite everyone, but I'll survive.

Dawn glowed over the mountain, like my sister's eyes once did.