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purpleradfeminista · 3 years ago

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"Why is this kind of treatment never even CONSIDERED for a trans person?" cause dysphoria sufferers are considered non-responsive to talk therapy unlike BDD/anorexic patients who can enter remission. Maybe if you actually stepped out of the radfem bubble where y'all theorize out of your butts and did actual reading about older writings on transition you would know, duh. Read about John Money, Harry Benjamin, Magnus Hirshfield, Havelock Ellis, Virginia Prince, Lou Sullivan. If you truly care ofc

Ok sure I'll bite.

John Money: was a New Zealand psychologist, sexologist and author known for his research into sexual identity and biology of gender and his conduct towards vulnerable patients. [bolding mine] He was one of the first researchers to publish theories on the influence of societal constructs of gender on individual formation of gender identity. Money introduced the terms gender identity, gender role and sexual orientation and popularised the term paraphilia. He spent a considerable amount of his career in the USA.

Recent academic studies have criticized Money's work in many respects, particularly in regard to his involvement with the involuntary sex-reassignment of the child David Reimer, his forcing this child and his brother to simulate sex acts which Money photographed and the adult suicides of both brothers.

--I haven't read any of Money's work directly, but I have read the book that is about his patient victim David Reimer, who was surgically "turned into a girl" shortly after birth and used by Money to try and justify his opinions about gender reassignment. Reimer reports that "when living as Brenda, [he] did not identify as a girl. He was ostracized and bullied by peers (who dubbed him "cavewoman"), and neither frilly dresses nor female hormones made him feel female."

Harry Benjamin: seems to at least not have been a pedophile, and I suppose is best known for his treatment of Christine Jorgensen, but I find it significant that he only stepped in to help patients after other therapies had failed.

Magnus Hirshfield: I'm sort of puzzled as to why he's on your list, as his major body of work is about sex, and gay sex in particular, and his only contribution to what you're talking about appears to be some vague writing he did about "transvestitism".

Havelock Ellis: worth first noting that he was a eugenicist....but aside from that he appears to have been the first, or one of the first, to acknowledge that autogynephilia exists and is often a factor in the male desire to "transition".

"Aware of Hirschfeld's studies of transvestism, but disagreeing with his terminology, in 1913 Ellis proposed the term sexo-aesthetic inversion to describe the phenomenon. In 1920 he coined the term eonism, which he derived from the name of a historical figure, Chevalier d'Eon. Ellis explained:

On the psychic side, as I view it, the Eonist is embodying, in an extreme degree, the aesthetic attitude of imitation of, and identification with, the admired object. It is normal for a man to identify himself with the woman he loves. The Eonist carries that identification too far, stimulated by a sensitive and feminine element in himself which is associated with a rather defective virile sexuality on what may be a neurotic basis.

Ellis found eonism to be "a remarkably common anomaly", and "next in frequency to homosexuality among sexual deviations", and categorized it as "among the transitional or intermediate forms of sexuality". As in the Freudian tradition, Ellis postulated that a "too close attachment to the mother" may encourage eonism, but also considered that it "probably invokes some defective endocrine balance"."

Virginia Prince: I am honestly surprised that current TRAs even want to claim this person, as she seems to be like....completely saying the opposite of everything that TRAs claim to believe about their "gender identity".

"Prince helped popularize the term 'transgender', and erroneously asserted that she coined transgenderist and transgenderism, words which she meant to be understood as describing people who live as full-time women, but have no intention of having genital surgery. (bolding mine) Prince also consistently argued that transvestism is very firmly related to gender, as opposed to sex or sexuality.Her use of the term "femmiphile" related to the belief that the term "transvestite" had been corrupted, intending to underline the distinction between heterosexual crossdressers, who act because of their love of the feminine, and the homosexuals or transsexuals who may cross-dress. Although Prince identified with the concept of androgyny (stating in her autobiographical 100th issue that she could "…do [her] own thing whichever it is…"), she preferred to identify as Gynandrous. This, she explained, is because although 'Charles' still resides within her, "…the feminine is more important than the masculine." Prince's idea of a "true transvestite" was clearly distinguished from both the homosexual and the transsexual, claiming that true transvestites are "exclusively heterosexual... The transvestite values his male organs, enjoys using them and does not desire them removed." (bolding mine)

By the early 1970s, Prince and her approaches to crossdressing and transvestism were starting to gain criticism from transvestites and transsexuals, as well as sections of the gay and women's movements of the time. Controversy and criticism has arisen based on Prince's support for conventional societal norms such as marriage and the traditional family model, as well as the portrayal of traditional gender stereotypes. Her attempts to exclude transsexuals, homosexuals or fetishists from her normalization efforts of the practice of transvestism have also drawn much criticism.

Lou Sullivan: was an American author and activist known for his work on behalf of trans men. He was perhaps the first transgender man to publicly identify as gay, and is largely responsible for the modern understanding of sexual orientation and gender identity as distinct, unrelated concepts.

Sullivan was a pioneer of the grassroots female-to-male (FTM) movement and was instrumental in helping individuals obtain peer-support, counselling, endocrinological services and reconstructive surgery outside of gender dysphoria clinics. (bolding mine) He founded FTM International, one of the first organizations specifically for FTM individuals, and his activism and community work was a significant contributor to the rapid growth of the FTM community during the late 1980s.

From what I've read I don't know, it kind of sounds like Lou might have agreed with me that counselling should be a first step before handing out hormones like M&Ms. But unfortunately I can't ask him since he had the misfortune to decide to live as a gay man at the height of the AIDS epidemic.

---------------

Ok I spent some time researching all those folks you mentioned. None of them seem to say, or have the opinion, that counselling is useless for people with gender dysphoria. So my question remains......why is it not considered as an option? You are telling me that it "doesn't work", but not one piece of the "research" you told me to do bears that out, and there is actually quite a LOT of research showing the reverse, that many folks who identify as transgender, especially young children, will eventually desist if supported with counselling but not given a social or physical transition. So. My question is still hanging out there. Thanks for providing me some interesting reading, however!

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tomasorban · 4 years ago

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Human Chromosome 2 Fusion Never Happened; BY JEFFREY P. TOMKINS, PH.D.

One of the more popular arguments used for humans supposedly evolving from apes is known as the chromosome fusion. The impetus for this concept is the evolutionary problem that apes have an extra pair of chromosomes—humans have 46 while apes have 48. If humans evolved from an ape-like creature only three to six million years ago, a mere blip in the grand scheme of the evolutionary story, why do humans and apes have this discrepancy?

The evolutionary solution proposes that an end-to-end fusion of two small ape-like chromosomes (named 2A and 2B) produced human chromosome 2 (Figure 1). The concept of a fusion first came about in 1982 when scientists examined the similarities of human and ape chromosomes under a microscope. While the technique was somewhat crude, it was enough to get the idea going.1

Figure 1. Hypothetical model in which chimpanzee chromosomes 2A and 2B fused end-to-end to form human chromosome 2. The chromosomes are drawn to scale according to cytogenetic images published by Yunis and Prakash. Note the size discrepancy, which is about 10% or 24 million bases based on the known size of human chromosome 2.

The So-Called Fusion Site

The first actual DNA signature of a possible fusion event was discovered in 1991 on human chromosome number 2.2 Researchers found a small, muddled cluster of telomere-like end sequences that vaguely resembled a possible fusion. Telomeres are a six-base sequence of the DNA letters TTAGGG repeated over and over again at the ends of chromosomes.

However, the fusion signature was somewhat of an enigma based on the real fusions that occasionally occur in nature. All documented fusions in living animals involve a specific type of sequence called satellite DNA (satDNA) located in chromosomes and found in breakages and fusions.3-5 The fusion signature on human chromosome 2 was missing this telltale satDNA.6

Another problem is the small size of the fusion site, which is only 798 DNA letters long. Telomere sequences at the ends of chromosomes are 5,000 to 15,000 bases long. If two chromosomes had fused, you should see a fused telomere signature of 10,000 to 30,000 bases long—not 798.

Not only is the small size a problem for the fusion story, the signature doesn’t really represent a clear-cut fusion of telomeres. Figure 2 shows the DNA letters of the 798-base fusion site with the six-base (DNA letter) intact telomere sequences emphasized in bold print. When the fusion sequence is compared to that of a pristine fusion signature of the same size, it is only 70% identical overall.

Figure 2. The 798 sequence of the alleged fusion site. Intact forward (TTAGGG) and reverse complement (CCCTAA) telomere sequences are in bold font. The actual alleged point of fusion (AA) is underlined.

Secular researchers have pointed out this discrepancy and have labeled the fusion site as significantly “degenerate.”7 Given the standard theoretical model of human evolution, it should be about 98 to 99% identical, not 70%. The researchers describing this discovery commented, “Head-to-head arrays of repeats at the fusion site have degenerated significantly (14%) from the near perfect arrays of (TTAGGG)n found at telomeres” and asked the pertinent question “If the fusion occurred within the telomeric repeat arrays less than ~6 Mya, why are the arrays at the fusion site so degenerate?”7 It should be noted that the 14% degeneration cited by the authors refers to the corruption of just the six-base sequences themselves, not the whole 798 bases.

The Fusion Site Inside a Gene?

The most remarkable anti-evolutionary finding about the fusion site turned out to be its location and what it actually does. This discovery came about while I was reading the research paper that reported a detailed analysis of 614,000 bases of DNA sequence surrounding the alleged fusion site. I noticed in one of the figures that the fusion site was located inside a gene, and quite remarkably this oddity wasn’t even acknowledged in the text of the paper.8

A finding like this is highly noteworthy. Perhaps this piece of information would’ve been the nail in the evolutionary coffin, so to speak, which is why the researchers declined to discuss it. This major anomaly inspired me to give the fusion site a much closer examination. This paper was published in 2002, and I took notice of it in 2013. A huge amount of data on the structure and function of the human genome had been published in the meantime, and there was likely much more to the story that needed to be uncovered.

Figure 3. Simplified illustration of the alleged fusion site inside the first intron of the DDX11L2 gene. The graphic also shows two versions of short and long transcript variants produced, along with areas of transcription factor binding. The arrow in the first exon depicts the direction of transcription.

When I performed further research, I verified that the fusion site was positioned inside an RNA helicase gene now called DDX11L2. Most genes in plants and animals have their coding segments in pieces called exons so they can be alternatively spliced. Based on the addition or exclusion of exons, genes can produce a variety of products. The intervening regions between exons are called introns, which often contain a variety of signals and switches that control gene function. The alleged fusion site is positioned inside the first intron of the DDX11L2 gene (Figure 3).9

The DNA molecule is double-stranded, with a plus strand and a minus strand. It was engineered this way to maximize information density while also increasing efficiency and function. As a result, there are genes running in different directions on the opposing strands. As it turns out, the DDX11L2 gene is encoded on the minus strand. Because genes in humans are like Swiss army knives and can produce a variety of RNAs, in the case of the DDX11L2 gene it produces short variants consisting of two exons and long variants with three (Figure 3).9

The Fusion Site Is a Gene Promoter

What might this DDX11L2 gene be doing? My research showed it’s expressed in at least 255 different cell or tissue types.9 It’s also co-expressed (turned on at the same time) with a variety of other genes and is connected to processes associated with cell signaling in the extracellular matrix and blood cell production. The location of the so-called fusion sequence inside a functional gene associated with the genetics of a variety of cellular processes strongly refutes the idea that it’s the accidental byproduct of a head-to-head telomeric fusion. Genes are not formed by catastrophic chromosomal fusions!

Even more amazing is that the fusion site is itself functional and serves an important engineered purpose. The site actually acts as a switch for controlling gene activity. In this respect, a wealth of biochemical data showed that 12 different proteins called transcription factors regulate this segment of the gene. One of these is none other than RNA polymerase II, the main enzyme that copies RNA molecules from DNA in a process called transcription. Further supporting this discovery is the fact that the actual process of transcription initiates inside the region of the so-called fusion site.

Technically, we would call the activity in the alleged fusion site a promoter region. Promoters are the main switches at the beginning of genes that turn them on and are also where the RNA polymerase starts to create an RNA. Many genes have alternative promoters like the DDX11L2 gene.

There are actually two areas of transcription factor binding in the DDX11L2 gene. The first is in the promoter directly in front of the first exon, and the second is in the first intron corresponding to the fusion site sequence. Not only is the DDX11L2 gene itself complexly controlled, with the alleged fusion sequence playing a key role, but even the RNA transcripts produced are very intricate. The RNAs themselves contain a wide variety of binding and control sites for a class of small regulatory molecules called microRNAs.9

Functional Internal Telomere Sequences Are All Over the Genome

The presence of internally located telomere sequence is found all over the human genome. These seemingly out-of-place telomere repeats have been dubbed interstitial telomeres. The presence of these sequences presents another challenge for the fusion site idea. It’s a fact that very few of the telomere repeats in the fusion site occur in tandem. As noted in Figure 2, the sequence of the 798-base fusion site contains only a few instances where two repeats are actually in tandem and none that have three repeats or more. However, there are many other interstitial telomere sites all over the human genome where the repeats occur in perfect tandem three to ten times or more.10-11

Even besides their role at the ends of chromosomes, it appears interstitial telomeric repeats may serve an important function in the genome related to gene expression. In a recent research project, I identified telomere repeats all over the human genome and then intersected their genomic locations with a diversity of data sets containing functional biochemical information for gene activity.12 Literally thousands of internal telomeric repeats across the genome were directly associated with the hallmarks of gene expression. The same type of transcription factor binding and gene activity occurring at the alleged fusion site was also occurring genome-wide at numerous other interstitial telomeric repeats. Clearly, these DNA features are not accidents of evolution but purposefully and intelligently designed functional code.

Bogus Cryptic Centromere Inside a Gene

Another key problem with the fusion model is the lack of viable evidence for a signature of an extra centromere region. Centromeres are sections of chromosomes, often in central locations, that play key roles during cell division. As depicted in Figure 1, the newly formed chimeric chromosome would’ve had two centromere sites immediately following the alleged head-to-head fusion of the two chromosomes. In such a case, one of the centromeres would be functional while the other would be disabled. The presence of two active centromeres is bad news for chromosomes and would lead to dysfunction and cell destruction.

Interestingly, the evidence for a cryptic (disabled) centromere on human chromosome 2 is even weaker than that for a telomere-rich fusion site. Evolutionists explain the lack of a clearly distinguishable nonfunctional secondary centromere by arguing that a second centromere would’ve been rapidly selected against. After that, the disabled centromere would’ve deteriorated over time since there were no functional restraints placed on it anymore by its doing something useful in the genome.

However, the evidence for a second remnant centromere at any stage of sequence degeneration is problematic for the evolutionary paradigm. Functional centromere sequences are composed of a repetitive type of DNA called alphoid sequences, with each alphoid repeat being about 171 bases long. Some types of alphoid repeats are found all over the genome, while others are specific to centromeres. The structure of the sequences found at the cryptic centromere site on human chromosome 2 doesn’t match those associated with functional human centromeres.13 Even worse for the evolutionary model is that they have no highly similar counterparts in the chimp genome—they are human-specific.13

The alleged fossil centromere is also exceptionally tiny compared to a real one. The size of a normal human centromere ranges in length between 250,000 and 5,000,000 bases.14 The alleged cryptic centromere is only 41,608 bases long, but it’s also important to note that there are three different regions of it that aren’t even alphoid repeats.15 Two of these are called retroelements, with one being a LPA3/LINE repeat 5,957 bases long and the other an SVA-E element with 2,571 bases. When we subtract the insertions of these non-alphoid sequences, it gives a length of only 33,080 bases, which is a fraction of the length of a real centromere.

The most serious evolutionary problem with the idea of a fossil centromere, though, is that like the alleged fusion site, it’s positioned inside a gene. The alleged cryptic centromere is located inside the ANKRD30BL gene, and its sequence spans both intron and exon regions of the gene.12,15

In fact, the part of the alleged fossil centromere sequence that lands inside an exon actually codes for amino acids in the resulting gene’s protein. The gene produces a protein that’s believed to be involved in the interaction of the structural network of proteins inside the cell called the cytoskeleton in connection with receptor proteins embedded in the cell membrane.16 The fact that the so-called fossil or cryptic centromere is a functional region inside an important protein-coding gene completely refutes the idea that it’s a defunct centromere.

Conclusion: No Fusion

Due to the muddled signatures and small sizes of the alleged fusion and fossil centromere sites, it’s highly questionable that their sequence was evolutionarily derived from an ancient chromosome fusion. Not only that, they represent functional sequence inside genes. The alleged fusion site is an important genetic switch called a promoter inside the DDX11L2 long noncoding RNA gene, and the so-called fossil centromere contains both coding and noncoding sequence inside a large ankyrin repeat protein-coding gene.

This is an undeniable double whammy against the whole mythical fusion idea, utterly destroying its validity. The overwhelming scientific conclusion is that the fusion never happened.

#science #genetics #dna #biology #creationism #anunnaki #consciousness #history #sumer #ninhursag #ninmah

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studyspiration-coffee · 5 years ago

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how to study efficiently

don’t spend more time more time making your notes than actually revising them

note-taking itself honestly isn’t the best study method when used by itself; you’re overloading your brain with content and you can go on autopilot very quickly

the key to note-taking being extremely useful for your studying is making testable notes. before uni I was into flashcards, but I was definitely guilty of making the mistake I first outlined; taking forever to actually flashcard everything and not using the flashcards enough times. the easiest way to get around this is making cornell notes, and I 100% recommend doing so digitally.

type your lecture/class notes like you would normally, and then in a separate document, create a table with two columns and make the column on the left side significantly narrower. copy the lecture notes you took and paste them into the larger column on the right. colour code these notes if you wish (I recommend it). I personally underline headings, use arrow subheadings, have yellow highlight for terms and bolded orange for any important information.

write the cue questions in the narrower column.

this cuts down the time you take to actually organise/make your revision notes like no tomorrow, so when exams come around you can just say the cue question, recite the information verbally or write down your answer depending on what type of learner you are, and write down the information you missed on a blank sheet of paper.

rule of thumb: don’t handwrite EVERYTHING. it takes forever, and time is of the essence. type the things that will help you understand content, handwrite content that is super vital/you struggle with, which are definitely not mutually exclusive. think of typing as the bones and flesh, handwriting for the bones and any flesh that you keep forgetting about. weird analogy, let’s move on.

don’t listen to music when you study. or at least, try not to. this is crazy for me to say personally, because in high school I HAD to have music to be able to do any work. but first year has led to this bizarre shift of not listening to anything at all, and I recommend trying it out. if it’s still not working, I have a suggestion; listen to a genre of music that you NEVER or RARELY ever listen to in any other area of your life (preferably a genre with limited words). for me that was jazz. that way, you’ll only associate the playlist with studying. sometimes when I have zero motivation, I play my jazz playlist to get myself working, and then around 5 minutes in I have to pause the playlist to focus on my work. i never thought that would ever happen but here we are.

this one’s a little more ~controversial~ but don’t take super rigid and routinely breaks. say you have a system of studying for an hour and taking a ten minute break. a lot of the time, this will work and satisfy you. but sometimes, you’ll get to around the half an hour mark, and already feel tired/drained/antsy/not in the mood/done with the content already, you name it. it’s better to take a micro break then to re-energise so you can plough through that revision than wait for your scheduled break; you’ll probably spend the rest of the hour unfocused and impatient, and by the time you get to your break you'll probably end up taking a much longer one than you anticipated because you were tired long before. will you ever actually return to your work that day? hm.

so, allow flexibility for study and break times.

examples of micro breaks; making a beverage, writing a quick journal entry, decluttering your desk (depending on how messy your desk is tbh, don’t worry, we’ve all been there), checking the news, staring at the wall for a bit (again, we’ve all been there), finding study quotes on google, looking at pictures of Elle Woods etc etc etc

if you’re in a time crunch and you can’t do as many timed essays as you need, please type up essay plans (I say type instead of handwrite because typing makes it 500 times easier to edit and add sections). low-key for certain subjects plans can be more helpful than writing full essays

past papers are your best friend, but only if you; mark them, write down why you got an answer wrong (usually best for calculations or mcq), edit your response with the marking criteria (usually best for short answers), rewrite the marking criteria word for word if your answer and the criteria answer are vastly different (i.e the energy of reading and comparing the two and wondering if the responses were for two completely different questions or alas even courses), redo the questions you get wrong (all of them pls). simply doing a past paper and adding some ticks and crosses here and there isn’t going to do anything, there’s no magic involved.

voice memos are also extremely helpful, especially if you’re an auditory learner. don’t drone out information for each topic word for word (the voice notes will be like three hours long, and if that isn’t enough to demotivate future you, listening to it will feel...well...will you feel anything at all? that’s the true question), but definitely record yourself explaining a topic or question type to yourself. voice memos are also really great for working on assignments. trying to flesh out your thesis? record yourself and title it thesis. trying to figure out what the heck your arguments should be? record yourself and title it what the heck are my arguments. trying to understand a crucial part of set reading? title it help me what is happening with ‘title of set reading’

definitely not saying you have to use all of the above study strategies at once (oh my), but I hope that integrating one of them into your study routine (or even using just one, it’s all about studying less but studying well) helps you out!

#studyblr #studyspo #study tips #study motivation #study #lawblr #fuckstudy #notes #bujo #note-taking #studiix #elkstudies #mine

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guccifloralsuits · 5 years ago

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hi we were talking about books yesterday and i was wondering if you have any good fiction recommendations? 😇😇😇

Yes, I have so many! I broke them down into relative categories, so there’s a little mix of everything. Please read the actual synopsis before diving in though, as some have major trigger warnings.

Books considered “classics”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: a book which I come back to in hard times of my life. There’s something so…necessary about this story. Prose style was great. I would rec this book to every person I know.

Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf: I read this when my life seemed to be changing faster than I could keep up. Beautifully written. Came at a time when I needed it.

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys: written as a prequel to Jane Eyre and a modernist masterpiece honestly. THE original meditation on the ideal of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Color Purple by Alice Walker: you’ve probably heard this name from the adaptation. Let me tell you. This book deserves all of its acclaim. I think I’m gonna re-read soon.

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austin: this is super mainstream for The Literary Circles but it’s for good reason, this book is just? Fun? An honestly enjoyable read? plus when I was taking my SATs way back when they had an essay section, I could use this book for literally any prompt they gave

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: this book is wild. Everyone is a messy bitch who lives for drama & I love it. I just finished it and omg

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: my emo teen- girl rebelling ass ate this shit up back in high school. Is this book overrated? I don’t care. I love it for nostalgic value anyways

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood: startling beautiful lines. I have almost half this book underlined. A popular read in recent times, with good reason.

A picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: I fundamentally disagree with everything written in this book. That is exactly the point. About being gay & sinning. I would not recommend this as a ‘light’ read though. Easy to get swept up in Wilde’s sharp wit & not catch the intentional malice behind what he says, underneath.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: I just. Love this. That’s all I have to say. Yeah.gif

All The King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren: The nihilism of Oscar Wilde but set to a political backdrop in the 30’s with stylistic prose akin what you’d read from Hemingway. Probably not for everyone’s taste. But right up my alley in terms of political intrigue. If ur a stuffy English Major with who likes books about corruption, you’ll like this.

Popularized books that are worth the hype they had:

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: there’s something so…engaging about the way this is written. It’s pretty much about kids who have to act like adults for their shitty parents. I couldn’t put this down though.

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn: as with all her novels, this gets dark. This gets ugly. An absolute thriller, & I can’t recommend her books enough. (You might know her from Gone Girl & Sharp Objects. This story follows similar tone). Honestly I rec anything by Flynn.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman: you’ve probably heard of or seen this movie. Well guess what? the book is even better.

YOU by Caroline Kepnes: aka the adapted Netflix series where dan from gossip girl plays plays joe, who is basically Dan but Unhinged. But like, the books are great. “Hidden Bodies” which is the sequel to this is even better, in my opinion. Just plz don’t romance Joe cus you saw penn badgley in a Netflix poster & were thirsty 4 him

Lesser Known/underrated books which could use your love:

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley: A reimagining of King Lear, set on an Iowa farm in the late 1970s. Powerful and disturbing

The Gold Bug Variations by Richard Powers: specifically for classical music lovers. Basically a long meditation on supernal mysteries of music, specifically Bach’s intricate Goldberg Variations (you’ll wanna have the Glenn Gould recording to hand), & those of the DNA molecule (especially as a code to be broken) It gradually dawns on you that the two couples listening to the music and studying the molecule are themselves engaged in something strangely molecular and musical. You won’t always understand this book, but it keeps taking your breath away.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn: did I buy this book solely because of this tumblr post? Yeah. But it was easily one of the best decisions I’ve made. The way he manipulates letter-language is wild. Woah. Highly recommended.

The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window & Disappeared by Jonas Johnson: a 100 year old dude escapes his nursery home a steals a suitcase full of drug money then goes on a giant crime spree. HIGHLY entertaining. We stan a King

The Sellout by Paul Beatty: probably the greatest satirical comedy written within the last 50 years. I said what I said.

Children’s/teen/YA books you should absolutely read

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: wonderfully creative, beautifully told. Takes abstract constructs and turns them into concrete beings and landscapes in amazing, engaging ways. Please read this. One of my all-time favorite books. Takes the protagonist, Milo, on a fantastical adventure borne through boredom on what he though would be another average day. Seriously. I love this book. So much.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: another beautifully creative foray into a parallel universe where something Not Quite Right lurks beneath a pretty surface. If you’ve seen the movie adaption - great. Still read the book. It’s absolutely worth it.

Love that Dog by Sharon Creech: technically free verse poetry from the perspective of a young boy dealing with the loss of his pet dog who has to write poetry for a class assignment from his teacher. This is…so good. Oh my god. Oh my god? Poetry for non-poetry people.

The Giver by Louis Lowery: Listen. I know you were forced 2 read this in primary English. I know you probably hated it on principle. But this shit was all that kept me going, when I was younger. It made me feel so understood, before I could define trauma or the meaning of depression. This book made me feel seen.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: ya know what? Fuck 2013 tumblr for dumbing this book down into a basic ass Grunge Anthem. I have never seen a book so adequately grapple with how awful romanticizing trauma can be. This book goes into the horrible side of adolescence in a way that’s genuine, and in a way which doesn’t put trauma/mental illness on a pedestal. I needed that shit, when I read it. I still love this book today. The lines will stay with you forever, after you read some of them.

All the Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven: this was another one of those books that I read in an essential time, which lodged into me afterwards. About two teenagers who meet while standing on the bell tower of their school, both contemplating suicide. Highly recommend. Prepare to cry.

You didn’t ask for Poetry but I’m including some because I am poetry TRASH:

Rice by Nikky Finney

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

One Big Self by C.D. Wright

LOOK by Solmaz Sharif

Poetry for people who think poetry is inaccessible to them:

New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood

Our Numbered Days by Neil Hillborn

Depression & Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim

There are literally SO SO SO many books I could also add, but these are the ones that came to mind. Bolded ones are those I especially love. Happy reading!

#book recs #classic literature #children’s literature too #if I could only rec one #I’d pick phantom tollbooth #followed by Their eyes were watching god #words #srry if ur on mobile & this is a long post #quarentine things #recs

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yourultraarchive · 5 years ago

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PREVIEW OF UPDATES TO COME!!!

Hey so it’s been a while since I posted an update on this thing, but I just did a ton of work so here ya go. (To be honest I lost the motivation to work on more updates after the last time I posted an update... for probably obvious reasons. I mean, real life stuff and pandemic aside. That said, just in case another “misunderstanding” happens... I should probably put a disclaimer or something...)

*NOTE!!! This is only a PREVIEW. This update is NOT released yet!

As usual, the original non-updated templates are still available on this blog. Click here to go to the downloads page to check out the other templates too!

Alrighty, on with the news!

tl;dr version:

Same as from last time, text is now editable in-template (preview video just shows a lot more of that)

UI design is hard

New feature: style editor bars!

There are still bugs in the new features

UI design is hard

Help button is more visible and obvious (but suggestions for improvements are welcome)

UI design is hard

Full update under the readmore because it’s 4am, I’m incredibly tired and loopy, and a lot of it is probably technical rambling. :D Anyway, enjoy!

If you’ve decided to read on... here we go!

So I just spent the past... I dunno, 4 or 5 days straight working on this (it’ll probably be day 5 or 6 by the time this pops out of the queue. I haven’t slept. It’s very unhealthy, don’t do as I do kiddos!) and this monster of an HTML page/program was like... nearly 4000 lines? Maybe 3900? I managed to clean it up some and get it down to 3600 or so lines, and it also helped that taking the long break between the last update and now really helped me get a fresh perspective on how to more efficiently get things done so I was able to cut out some redundant code/features. It’s actually still not done though (lol). There’s... a lot going on. (Both in the code and in the update!)

As you can see from the preview video (which I made because at this point it was easier than giffing... my poor near-decade-old laptop nearly exploded on me, it can barely handle making a 3-minute video...), the text may be editable in-template and the new style bars are in (which is a new feature!! That the old online generator didn’t have!! Made to make your template generating easier! So no more trying to figure out where to place HTML if you don’t know any!), but admittedly the style bars are not 100% functional yet, I still have to work out some bugs (like bolding/italicicizing/etc. not working on multiple lines, though as you can see in the video you CAN style the whole text area or individual words). Also the very essential feature of uploading your own images is still not in, and the personal data section is... not working right now. ^_^;;;

Still, kinda excited about the style bars, which as you can see are slightly different from the last update. (There’s a highlight color when you hover over them now! I figured that’s an easy way to show it’s interactable.) I maintain that UI design is hard though (it took forever to figure out how to translate the original online generator’s input forms into dropdown menus and such), because while I do like the rows of circle buttons and whatnot going on right now I might actually change it again because I’m not a huge fan of how bulky it looks for some of the smaller editable areas (like the hero name, the hero aptitude box, the quote sections... actually the hero name was supposed to have some style buttons for the strikeout effect and a few others too, but I’m still trying to figure out how to fit them).

Not entirely sold on the help box either. Not sure why? I think it’s the red color. Red was a good color for the button, but not the help box. I’ve always kinda felt like “pale yellow” was the color of “help” so this is throwing me off. Is it just me? Red just doesn’t seem friendly or conductive to helping?? And I’m not totally happy with the positioning either. (Not sure I’m liking that it’s just. In the middle of the page like that? Maybe it needs a shadow or a border or something... it just looks a little off somehow to me? Maybe I need to make it bigger/smaller??) On the plus side, though, the help box is much bigger and more obvious than the tool tips from the original generator.

Right, one last thing before I stop rambling: the style bars currently have buttons for small text, bold, italics, underline, and strikethrough. If you wanted any other font features let me know and I’ll take it into consideration! (I thought about adding a “color” section but honestly I’m not entirely sure how I’d do that... or how many people would use it.) Though that being said, I did have to exclude some font effects from certain areas (as you can see in the video)--like, the strikeout style doesn’t even work on the “manga temple” font (I mean, it DOES, but it’s less of a strikeout and more of an underline) so I just didn’t include it on the bar. So stuff like that might happen if the font effect suggestions don’t work out. (Also more buttons contributes to the bulkiness of the style bar...... again, something I’m working out. Gotta find a way to redesign it, uhg...)

Anyway that’s it for now?? I know it doesn’t seem like much on the front-end of stuff, but I’ve got a list of at least a dozen bugs in these new features/UI alone that need fixing (beyond needing to add image uploading to this new UI and re-implementing save data exports, among other non-debugging stuff I need to do) so it’s... kinda a lot, on the back-end. Still, I hope you enjoyed this preview and didn’t mind my rambling too much!

On the issue of the help box and style bar setup, if yall have any suggestions, I welcome and encourage them!

#archivist #updates #video #I'll probably be refreshed and inspired for some of these issues after a good night's rest... but tonight is not that night

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resourceanime · 6 years ago

Photo

RESOURCEANIME’S: MAGAZINE GRAPHIC TUTORIAL

Hi guys! I’ve had a lot of fun making these magazine covers (and inside features) so I thought it would be cool to do a lil tutorial on the whole process. I will be going into detail for all the steps to create both the covers and the inside features, as well as giving helpful tips and ideas such as font suggestions.

Difficulty: Easy/Medium (depends on complexity)

Likes/Reblogs appreciated if you found this helpful!

First let’s do the main magazine cover. I will go over the inside features afterward.

I will be using this edit as an example for this tutorial.

Step 1: Creating the Base Cover

Going by Tumblr sizes, I’ve done all my covers at 540px x 750px (or 800px - this is the maximum length you can do). Select File >> New and create your canvas at the sizes suggested. Go ahead and fill it with a background colour of your choice.

💡Tip: I used colour palettes to help me create my covers so that they all have some variation of colours that will look good together in text while also complimenting the cover itself. Try to choose at least one light colour and one dark colour for contrast. This will help you later on when you write headliners on the cover.

For the Iwaizumi cover, I simply used the box tool to create a box and filled it in with the light purple colour that you see. This allows a white border around the edges of the cover.

Step 2: Name the Magazine

Generally, you see the title on the top more often than not, but please feel free to put that title wherever you see fit. The thing with these covers is that you have a lot of freedom on how you place things, the main thing to be cautious about is readability and style.

I believe that the magazine title is one of the focal points of the cover itself. Graphic viewers should be able to decipher that this is a magazine cover edit immediately when they see it - that’s kind of the whole point. So, font choice for the title is pretty important.

💡Tip: use fonts that are easy to read - doesn’t need to be plain, but it does have to be simple in my opinion.

💡Tip: Avoid using Script fonts as they are harder to read. As mentioned before, the title is a focal point.

💡Tip: Be wary of Decorative types of fonts. If you can find one that is not hard to read, then by all means use it!

👍Font Recommendations for Magazine Titles:

Croco

Ginebra

Muara

Groce

Almonte

Salvalyn

Aliens & Cows

Bohem Press (used for the Reigen cover shown above)

Ranger (not free, used for the Iwaizumi cover shown above)

Now I have something small that is written as a subtitle below the actual title like “monthly” or “magazine”. This is totally optional! If you do end up using it:

💡Tip: I recommend you use a different font just to add some variation. For example, if you used a thick, bolded font, try contrasting it with a thin font. Script fonts would definitely work here if you so choose to use one.

💡Tip: If you’d rather use the same font - which is totally ok - try changing the colour of the subtitle or play around with italicizing/underlining it, etc.

💡Tip: As for what the subtitle should be....maybe showing what kind of magazine it is. I was being simple and used just “magazine” for the Reigen one, but I used “monthly” for the Iwaizumi. You could try weekly, daily, or even point out the city which the character is from (i.e. Vogue: India)

Step 3: Add Render of Character

I will not be showing how to render a character for this tutorial, but please feel free to refer to Step 1 of this Graphic Tutorial to see! Essentially, please be sure to have a render that is somewhat large in size. You want the character to take up as much of the space on the cover as possible. You don’t have to feel like they gotta be in the middle, arrange them however you please! But, they are the focal point of the cover itself, so be sure to have them cover the space as much as possible.

And at this stage I will be adding a psd colouring to Iwaizumi.

Step 4: Add a Background (optional)

I like being Extra with my edits so I usually add something in the background, whether it be a png or a pattern. This is totally optional, if you’re not into filling up spaces as much then by all means skip the step!

For the example cover, I put some floral pngs behind Iwaizumi to add more to the empty space in the background.

I also added a psd colouring to it so that the flowers adhere to the kind of colours I was using.

Step 5: Headliners and Features

This is the part where you will showcase exactly who is being featured and what are some of the contents you will be reading about inside the magazine. This is also the part where you get to play with fonts a lot! Again, readability is key, but you have lots of ways you can work around it.

Here is what I came up with at the end:

This anime was about volleyball so I centered a lot of content around working out and training. At this stage I can only really give tips as this is something you will have to experiment with, but I hope these help!

For Headliners & Subheadings:

💡Tip: I used about 4-5 fonts for the headlines/subheading. I recommend that you do the same thing, but just vary the format/arrangement. For example, I used the same font for “Trying to Get Scouted?” headline and “by Iwaizumi Hajime” subheading. They’re both the same font, but they’re in different sizes, different colours, one is a title while the other is subheading.

💡Tip: Use smaller/thinner font for the descriptions as they are not as important as the headlines. For headlines, use eye-catching stuff - bold, contrasting, even use script if you have to.

💡Tip: As shown in my example, I think varying the colours also helps.

💡Tip: As for the actual content, as I mentioned before, go with a theme like I did since my character plays volleyball. But don’t feel like you can only have lines that need to hook! You can always make like a little sticker that says “poster inside!” or write a quote from the character.

👍Font Recommendations for Headlines & Subheadings:

Krinkes

Coyote

Black Jack

Elephant (see: “workout, not burnout” on Iwaizumi cover)

Alien League (see: all thin subheadings on Iwaizumi cover)

Almyra (see: “Naturally Handsome” on Iwaizumi cover)

Ever After (see: all subheadings on Reigen cover)

For Features & Names:

💡Tip: This is another focal point of the cover, so be sure to make it BIG, make it bold, and make it P O P.

💡Tip: I tend to use script fonts for this because making the size bigger helps with readability so it seems appropriate. Don’t feel obligated to use script here tho!

👍Font Recommendations for Features & Names:

Bebas

Lactosa

Balqis

Sant’Elia

Valairya (see: “Iwaizumi Hajime” name)

Roadway (see: “featuring seijou’s ace” on Iwaizumi cover)

Jovanka (see: “Reigen Arataka” name)

Step 6: Create Base for Inside Cover

For the inside cover, I find that this can literally be anything. I’ve normally just stuck a quote in there but be as creative as you like! Go to File >> New at the same size as your cover. I would honestly just duplicate your background (and border if you had one) from the cover onto this new file. Starting back here again:

Step 7: Add Render of Character

Just like before, try to make sure that the character takes up as much space as possible. Place them where you like and add a psd colouring to them!

Step 8: Add a Background (again, optional)

So again, I like filling up the spaces so I added another floral png in the background with a psd colouring. This is optional!

Step 9: Adding Content

Now this part is more so dependent on how you want to do things. I like filling up spaces and playing around with typography, so that’s basically what I did here. I used two character quotes and formatted them in such a way that they take up a lot of the space.

Again, this all depends on the theme and style you’re going for. I can’t really help you at this stage as this is more so about how you would like to go about it, but I am happy to give some tips:

💡Tip: I would recommend trying to fill up the space as much as possible again. Maybe make a section that actually has an “article” or do a photo collage of the character, or even just a quote, whatever works!

💡Tip: Try using eye-catching headlines and have subheadings just like before on the cover.

💡Tip: Use varying colours and fonts again! Keep things consistent by using the same 4-5 fonts and colours, but try playing around with the arrangement and formatting of them just like we discussed earlier for the cover.

Step 10: Save!!

And you’re done! Nice work!!

Final Thoughts

So, I think the main takeaway from this is that you’ve got a lot of room to be creative, but you end up having to play around and experiment a lot in order to make things work. The best tip I can give you is to prioritize readability over aesthetics (even I am guilty of trying to choose aesthetics over readability lol).

Hope you guys found this helpful!!

{ Iwaizumi Magazine Edit } ~ { Reigen Magazine Edit }

#tutorials #sibylresources #chaoticresources #resourcemarket #yeahps #tut:mine #tut:graphic #haaaa this took me so long i didnt even realize the time go by heck

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forestwater87 · 5 years ago

Text

Cutting Myself on all this Edge

This post has no reason to exist, except that I keep bothering my friends with literally dozens of messages making fun of this and I need a place to keep it all.

What is “this”? Oh, just some people having some Fucking Strong Opinions about how Harry Potter is the Pied Piper (they use that comparison multiple times. It gets old fast) leading our children into the End Times with its pro-illuminati Satan-worshiping witchcraft lessons. You know, the usual.

And no, this isn’t a battle of Forest vs. the Crazy Christians; I’m like 94% sure I’m not working through any sort of religious trauma, partly because I never went deep into this kind of mentality but mostly because I’m just delighted by The Cutting Edge, a website for a very specific type of Christian (no, not you, Catholics. You’re specifically not invited to the Cutting Edge club because you worship demons) interested in the New World Order, the evils of public schools, and Satan’s favorite color.

No, really.

Satan’s favorite color is green. They don’t . . . really explain why.

This site still exists and is the best thing I’ve ever seen. Hours of fun for the whole family. I mean, look at their logo:

And look at their illustration that goes along with their particular Harry Potter series:

Are you not entertained?!

I cannot stop reading these amazing essays -- which delve surprisingly deep into Potter lore, considering they say that there is no sufficient reason for a Christian to ever read a single page of these books -- and I can’t keep harassing my friends with thousands of notifications, so here we are.

Starting small, let’s read the book review for Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s/Philosopher’s Stone. Or, as they prefer to call it:

This book chronicles Harry's first year at the Hogwart's School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. Prepare to be shocked for the bold, blatant, and bodacious raw Satanism that underlines this story! Since "proper"Drug Use is essential in opening the centres of vision and achieving higher consciousness, we should not be surprised that First-Year students learn Drug Use, Drug creation, in a way that makes Drug use seem glorious! You will be shocked to see '666 ' in the story line, and symbols of Antichrist receiving a "fatal wound"!

That’s the entire subtitle. That’s just how they roll on

THE CUTTING EDGE

Part 1: The . . . Plot? I Guess?

This story introduces us to Harry Potter, an orphaned boy sent to live with his "horrible" Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and their fat, obnoxious son, Dudley.

I feel very comfortable with the fact that Cutting Edge has chosen to put scare quotes around the word “horrible,” like that’s up for debate. Combined with the very normal and sane opinions expressed elsewhere on the site, this really bodes well for their ideas about parenting and childcare in general.

all through this book, any non-witch folk -- like Vernon and Petunia -- are depicting in disgusting language.

Typo is theirs, as is the apparent offense they take to the fictional depiction of people who are very much not real. While there hasn’t been any exciting formatting going on yet in this essay, I will replicate it as much as possible, and any changes made will be clearly indicated through square brackets and ellipses.

Non-witch people are known as Muggles , and they are depicting as being "dumber than a box of rocks", of being physically obscene, and of living the most boring, unimaginative lives possible.

I was going to argue that this isn’t true, but I suppose we don’t really meet any cool Muggles in the first book. I guess I have to give them this, but I don’t feel good about it.

Witches, on the other hand, are depicted as being very smart, very "with it", of being physically normal, and of living wonderfully exciting lives

It bears repeating:

a flashback scene to the time 10 years earlier when Harry's Mom and Dad were psychically murdered by evil Lord Voldemort

Okay. Now I’m no Potterologist, and so I’m hoping any true believers will correct me if I misinterpret the holy texts,* but I don’t think Harry’s parents were psychically murdered by anyone. I’m pretty sure they were quite literally, physically made dead. Just because it’s a beam of magic doesn’t mean it’s not physical anymore, does it? Voldy didn’t Professor-X Harry’s parents and they died of three D10 psychic damage or anything; he just fucking killed them with a wizard gun. Am I wrong here?

*By which I obviously mean Harry Potter. It teaches children how to become Satanists; we’re clearly dealing with a book of immense spiritual relevance.

Skipping a little bit of plot summary, which is a combination of, well, summary of the plot, although Cutting Edge is determined to get Hogwarts’ name wrong, and a little bit of baffling End-Times(?) nonsense thrown in for funsies --

Of course, a Christian would be immediately alerted to this turn of events [in which Harry defeats Voldemort and is scarred] because soon a supernaturally powerful global leader will demand everyone on earth take some sort of a mark in exactly this place on the body.

What?

-- and there’s some weird formatting things going on that I think are supposed to imply something sinister but really just come off as goofy:

They have Harry on a boat headed for nowhere and they had every intention of keeping Harry from ever attending Hogwarts School. However, Harry receives supernatural assistance.

(It’s not letting me do colors on desktop, which is stupid, but that “supernatural” is supposed to be both bold and red)

There’s a long description about the difference between the Real and Fantasy worlds, which apparently Satanists try to live in both of (and so does Harry, making him also a Satanist. This is actually one of the less-stupid arguments Cutting Edge has for Harry’s Satanism, so just go with it) that’s honestly more boring than funny so I’m skipping it. Then we get to a much more fun section: why Rowling’s descriptions of Muggles are . . . teaching children to hate Jesus?

Part 2: Rowling Hates Muggles

Rowling consistently depicts people who do not practice Witchcraft in most obnoxious terms. They are depicted as being really, really dumb, boring, and living a life not worth living . We share these examples, below, with you so you can appreciate the truth of this statement. Uncle Vernon was also the only Muggle quoted in the book as being really opposed to Witchcraft; therefore, when readers see how stupid, ugly, and boring Vernon is, they get the idea that all people who are opposed to Witchcraft must be as stupid, ugly, and boring as Vernon is.

... Are all people opposed to Witchcraft cowardly bullies?

I mean, you are the one going after a children’s book for daring to entertain children, so if the shoe fits . . .

"Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang ... Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader." [p. 31] How do you know your own child does not think of you in these terms? After all, you are a non-magical Muggle.

I actually can’t complain, because this is just accurate. I 100% hate my parents and think they’re stupid because they’re not literally witches/wizards. Our relationship has never fully recovered.

"Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on." [p. 47] Remember Adolf Hitler, the most famous Black Magick wizard in modern history? He depicted Jews as Rats in his Propaganda Machinery, convincing the Germans they should extermination the "vermin".

GODWIN’S LAW HAS LANDED!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OR IN-BETWEEN, WE HAVE OFFICIALLY COMPARED HARRY POTTER TO HITLER!

We find it highly interesting that, later in the book, when the Evil Lord Voldemort is supposedly killing the unicorn in the Forbidden Forest, the color of the blood of the unicorn is silver!

Okay, but like . . . why? I mean, it immediately follows a description of the Bloody Baron, who is depicted with silvery blood because he’s, like, a ghost, but I’m not sure what that has to do with unicorns or with Satan. Are unicorns associated with Satan? Is silver associated with Satan?

Is everything Satan? Am I Satan?

There’s a lot of rage at a gentleman named Chuck Colson throughout this section, who apparently made the grave error of telling parents it was okay for their children to read Harry Potter because it doesn’t involve contact with the supernatural. And I’ll admit, that seems like a pretty bad defense of the books, because if you define “supernatural” as ghosts, poltergeists, or whatever the hell Voldemort is, then there is absolutely a metric buttload of supernatural stuff in here.

Arguably, a better defense of why it’s okay for children to read these children’s books is that they are books made for children, but YMMV on that one. Probably depends on whether or not you think children are sitting in the giant metaphorical (or literal? Not sure Cutting Edge gets metaphors) lap of the Antichrist every time they pick up the books.

(A visual reminder.)

Part 3: Basically Part 2, But This Time There Are Colors

The next section is on colors, which are very important to Cutting Edge. As linked back in the very beginning of this post, there is an entire essay devoted to the demonic colors used in the Harry Potter books, but we get just a taste of it here:

Rowling makes use of vivid colors in her story line. Some of these colors are consistent with the colors preferred by Satan and his followers in the Occult. Rowling's use of such vivid colors also enables her to paint the Fantasy Reality of Witchcraft as THE most exciting place to live. Wizard of Oz uses the same technique: when Dorothy is in her real world in Kansas, the color is black and white, but when she steps into her Fantasy Reality, the scene explodes in the most wonderful color.

Interesting interpretation. An alternative view is that Rowling needs to use more descriptors for things within the Wizarding World, because her readers won’t have the same frame of reference to draw from that they do with real-life objects and events in the Muggle World, and one can assume that these lovely descriptions are part of her being a, y’know, good and evocative writer, and the colors are just related to how she pictured the world she was creating.

But I mean, yours is good, too.

Actually, the citations provided by Cutting Edge don’t depict anything especially vivid; it’s not like she’s throwing massive amounts of purple prose at the descriptions of the Satanic green of Harry’s eyes. In fact, the only enhancer used is “emerald” at one point. For the most part, this essayist is just . . . noticing when the word “green” appears in the text and calling it a siren song to entice good Christian children out of the colorless world of reality and goodness and into the technicolor dreamland of magic and mayhem.

Also, please remember that Satan has a favorite color, and it’s green. For all birthdays and Christmases (or wait, whatever the Satanic version of Christmas is! Halloween?), please make sure all gifts are green or green-adjacent.

Even though Harry is nearly as powerful as a Black Magick practitioner, and could easily have decided to go over to that side, he declines to go over to the Dark Arts. Dumbledore assures Harry that he is not evil as Lord Voldemort. However, as a symbol of the Black Arts he could perform, Rowling makes Harry's eyes green.

This observation -- and I use the term loosely -- implies that every single Slytherin and villain of the Harry Potter series would have green eyes, to demonstrate their capacity for evil. The fact that this is obviously not the case must just be a red herring.

Part . . . 4, I think?: Drugs, Magic, and Magic Drugs

Harry and his friends learn how to makedrugs, and the glory of taking them.

The fact that they don’t actually take any in this book is entirely irrelevant. (”Drugs” should also be red as well as bolded. It’s very serious business.)

The plant, wormwood, contains thujone, an hypnotic drug, banned by the FDA since 1915 [Christian News, "Latest Potter Book Meets Cautionary Response From Christians, July 17, 2000] ; further, wormwood is used to make Absinthe, a hallucinogenic liquor. Therefore, the drug to which Rowling makes reference is very real, and is so dangerous the FDA has banned it -- to this day, it is banned!

While thujone was illegal at the time of this essay in the United States, it was actually never banned in the UK . . . you know, where these books take place and were written? I don’t think Rowling gives a solitary fuck about our FDA standards. Also, I don’t know if you could just straight-up buy wormwood on whatever the equivalent of Amazon was in 1998 (was it just Amazon?), but you sure can now. Can’t be all that scary.

You can hardly get a better description of drug use, and drug glorification than this!

I wonder why they keep using red to emphasize all these evil things . . . you’d think they’d go with Satan’s favorite color/the sign that Harry is the Antichrist to really jazz up all of the evil.

"The drug message in this book is clear. To reach your goals in life like Harry Potter, you need to know how to make drugs and take drugs in just the right way or else you are a 'dunderhead' and will never succeed." [http://www.fflibraries.org/Book_Reports/HarryPotter ; written by a physician and father who asked to remain anonymous].

The fact that this URL doesn’t lead me to that review is one of the saddest things I’ve faced all month.

The sections on spellcasting are far less interesting, reiterating a pretty simple refrain: all magic is bad, because the books say some magic is good then the books are bad, it’s all teaching children about Satanism. Rinse and repeat.

During final exams, teachers passed out special quills with which to write; these quills had been "bewitched with an Anti-Cheating spell". The reason none of the teachers felt they could trust the honor of the students to not cheat is obvious enough; in Witchcraft, no Absolute Good and Evil exists. All objective, eternal standards of conduct and morality have been rejected. Therefore, teachers knew full well that all the students would cheat on their final exams if they thought they could get away with it. It is a sad commentary that teachers had to place an Anti-Cheating spell on the quills to prevent exams cheating. Christian parent, is this the "morality" you want your students to learn?

Now, it might just be my obvious Satanist addiction to witchcraft talking, but doesn’t it seem more likely that there’s an anti-cheating spell because sometimes . . . children cheat? And no amount of Good Wholesome Christian Teaching is going to completely eradicate the desire to cheat on a test, because of course it isn’t.

It’s not because the school has taught the students that cheating is okay and cool and sexy or whatever -- in fact, if you want evidence that there is an absolute moral standard against cheating, it would be that the teachers are actively taking steps to prevent it! If witchcraft really was all about how there’s no such thing as good and evil . . . well, for one thing they wouldn’t teach Defense against the motherfucking Dark Arts, but they also wouldn’t care if their students cheated enough to provide anti-cheating quills, because they wouldn’t consider cheating a bad thing, because they wouldn’t consider anything a bad thing!

Also, I’m not sure what listing all of the spells in the book and what they do really says about Satanism, except that . . . spells exist, and are used? Which I feel like you should really expect from the book about magic and wizards; if that’s an alarming surprise, then you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere way earlier down the road.

Part whatever: Seriously, Rowling is just ALL ABOUT Satan

This entire section is basically about how JKR must be a Satanist, because she apparently depicts the world of magic and the occult with perfect accuracy, and how could she do that except through being an active practicing witch herself?

Mirrors are believed to be a portal to another dimension, including Time. Occultists believe they can go forward or backward in Time with a mirror being one of the Dimensional Portals. Harry encounters a mirror, "magnificent ... as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet ... Harry stepped in front of it. He had to clasp his hand to his mouth to stop himself from screaming ... for he had seen, not only himself in the mirror but a whole crowd of people standing right behind him ... 'Mom?', he whispered. 'Dad?' They just looked at him, smiling ... Harry was looking at his family, for the first time in his life." [p. 208-9]

Intriguing theory, except of course for the fact that the mirror isn’t a portal to jack shit; unless you count the weird trick where he can get the stone (and only the stone) through wishes or whatever the fuck these idiots do, and all it does is show someone what they want. It’s not actually reaching into the past to find Harry’s parents or whatever, just like it’s not actually reaching into a parallel dimension future where Ron is the king of everything. It’s just . . . idk, reading their subconscious and throwing up a neat visual or something. With magic. It’s complex, but it’s definitely not what Cutting Edge says it is.

Not pictured: a portal to another physical, metaphysical or temporal dimension. It’s literally . . . just a mirror, but a mirror that reflects your insides instead of your outsides. It’s clever or something.

Do you realize Rowling has just made the creator of the Sorcerer's Stone 666 years old? Do you realize what this means? Since the number, '666', is a symbol of Antichrist and his Mark of the Beast [Revelation 13:18] and since Rowling ties this number to the Elixir of Life, Harry Potter is teaching children that the way to achieve eternal life [Elixir of Life] is to obey the Antichrist and take his Mark of the Beast!

Fucking. Yes. I don’t even have witty commentary for this, I’m just delighted by every word in that section. I’m smiling so much.

This is a gift and we’re reading it for free!

Wonderful! We have the forbidden practice of drinking blood in this Potter book, forbidden in Scripture [Genesis 9:4-5] but practiced regularly in Satanism. I wonder if Chuck Colson, Focus On The Family, and Christianity Today ever told their Christian followers about this? Have they even read this book, before they issued their acceptance of Potter?

Don’t you dare try to employ sarcasm. People who believe in the Illuminati and New World Order are not allowed to be sarcastic -- even if the thought of this faceless stranger typing that little clever “Wonderful!” and smirking to themselves about how witty they are is a very, very good mental image.

Also, what the fuck did unicorns do to deserve being associated with the Antichrist? I mean, I get the color green; it’s the color of nature and the outdoors, and that shit fucking sucks. (Fuck you, trees!) But unicorns?

Unicorns have never done anything to anyone, ever. Unicorns couldn’t be Satanists if they tried.

This means evil Lord Voldemort -- whose killing curse upon Harry, his Mom, and his Dad had rebounded against him when Harry did not die -- is near death, and is seeking to drink the Unicorn's blood to stay alive long enough to finally achieve eternal life through drinking the '666' Elixir of Life.

Yes, that is -- sort of -- the plot of this book.

This is the specific New Age doctrine being taught here: people will have to draw their temporary spiritual life from The Christ until the time comes when their individual consciousness will have been raised so much they will achieve their personal godhood, and live forever!

This concept is genuine New Age, is consistent with prophecy, and Rowling depicts it very well!

Christian parents, do you want your child to be taught this New Age doctrine? Can you see Harry Potter playing the Pied Piper and leading your children straight to the Mark of the Beast?

Pied Piper count: 1 (that’s not a lot so far, but it’s used in like every essay. It’ll come back)

I don’t know how to tackle this, because I’m not sure Cutting Edge really understands that Voldemort is the bad guy in these books. Children aren’t going to read this book and then go, “Cool! I’m gonna go stab a unicorn and drink its essence because my favorite role model You-Know-Who told me to!”

The unicorn blood thing is unilaterally portrayed as a pretty bad move. Voldemort’s goals in general are pretty obviously not great ideas. I know Cutting Edge doesn’t have the benefit of hindsight here, but Voldemort’s quest for immortality and how bad and wrong and fucked-up that is, is kind of one of the major through-lines of the entire story. It could be argued that it’s not Voldy’s desire to live forever that’s wrong so much as his whole, like, genocide thing, which is legit . . . except that all the methods to attain immortality involve killing someone, or stealing something, or otherwise being Not a Good Dude.

Voldemort is Not a Good Dude, and I don’t know how to communicate that any clearer than the books written for third graders already did.

Part 6: I don’t really know, I just wanted a chance to break this endless essay up and this seemed like a good place to do it. So let’s talk about spells some more

Many spells require both the taking of drugs and demonic possession, so it is a matter of gravest importance that Harry is actually going to learn to cast spells. When Chuck Colson dismisses the casting of spells as innocent and of no real importance, did he know this fact?

I seem to have missed the part where Harry goes off his ass on LSD and gets possessed by B’aal. Was that in the Silmarillion?

whenever a witch changes the physical characteristics of something, he or she is practicing very high-level witchcraft, has a high level of demonic possession, and has had to carry out human sacrifice themselves or have someone else do it for them.

“It’s fiction” is often a bullshit excuse to justify bad framing, but I feel like it applies here, because maybe in the “real” world spellcasting requires you to trip balls and summon demons, but it’s extremely obvious that it doesn’t work like that in Harry Potter! You can’t just say that’s what the books are teaching when the books aren’t actually teaching anything even close to that!

(I’m starting to feel like my emphasis italics are having a similar effect to Cutting Edge’s red bolded letters. Fuck if I’m gonna stop using them, though.)

If Harry and his pals were wearing goat heads and putting virgins into a giant blender or something I think you might have an argument here, but when the people reading your essay have eyes and can see that the things you’re describing aren’t anywhere in the books, you’re just lying. And it’s very obvious, and I still love you, Cutting Edge, but you’re being disingenuous and it’s starting to kill my joy-boner to constantly have to point out the ways you’re misunderstanding a children’s book, especially when I think you’re kinda doing it on purpose. So how about you chill just a little bit and we’ll all read some Harry Potter together.

Magical Drafts and Potions , by Arsenius Jigger. Some of the potions are very real, very deadly.

Wait, did Rowling publish this one, too? How do you know what’s in the book? Does the book list some real potions and how to make them, or is this another thing that’s only available in the Cutting Edge’s copy of the books?

Students were told they could also "bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad." [p. 67] These three creatures are important to an occultists. Satanists have always revered the cat because of its reputed "nine lives", which is a symbol of reincarnation. Cats are also symbols of a witch's familiar spirit.

They have revered the frog because his prominent bulging eyes represent the All-seeing nature of Lucifer. Frogs are also consistently used in many of the potions witches concoct. They revere owls as a symbol of occult wisdom and omniscience -- again because of their eyes.

So fuck cats, I guess. They’re being pretty unfair to owls and frogs too -- especially insulting their poor eyes. They can’t help it! -- but I’m a crazy cat lady and I’m not feeling this slander.

Actually . . . my cat looks pretty high right now. Maybe she is channeling Satan.

Okay, never mind. Fuck all these animals. They’re all evil. This article is entirely right, and I renounce all of my previous statements.

McGonagall has obviously mastered her Craft because she was the tabby cat seen by Uncle Vernon reading a map, back in chapter one. Remember that any time a witch or wizard practices transfiguration, they need expert spell-casting, and demonic possession. I bet no one ever told you that little fact, did they?

No, they didn’t, because it’s not even remotely relevant to the fictional book written for children.

Like, I’m trying very hard to not question anyone’s religious beliefs, so if you believe in the occult and magic and all that then more power to you, and maybe it’s totally valid to think that real-life magic spells requires demonic possession. That doesn’t make it true in the books, though! Stop making shit up!

Potions Class -- taught in one of the dungeons [p. 136] How disgusting must the atmosphere for this class, and others, taught in a dungeon, which was built to torture people to death?

If only the classroom, teacher, and overall environment for the Potions classes was meant to be as viscerally unpleasant as possible. Then putting them in the dungeons would be a really good idea, to reflect the Slytherins’ backwards beliefs and the misery of their intolerance.

Like, JKR isn’t this subtle. When you name one of your antagonists “Bad Dragon,” you’re not aiming for this subconscious-symbolism bullshit.

Part 7: Did you think this book had a good moral? Fuck you!

The fundamental occult/Communist philosophy

Well, I guess we’re talking about Communism now! Because if there’s anything Harry Potter is interested in above all else, it’s Communism.

My favorite things about these essays is how they will pull in other social ills -- abortion, public schools, communism -- and slap them into their argument regardless of if it makes any semblance of sense.

Anyway, Cutting Edge actually has a legitimate argument here, although they take it about 50 steps too far:

the "Ends Justify The Means" permeates this entire book. To achieve a goal deemed good, Harry and his friends consistently break rules, steal, and use Witchcraft against others.

It is true that Harry and his friends break the rules, lie, and otherwise do “bad” things in the service of an ultimate good, and that they suffer relatively few consequences for it. This is a legitimate point, and actual people who know things agree.

I’ve been struck speechless by this article before, but this is the first time it’s because I think they might have an actual point.

Hermione was very mildly punished [for her lie to the professors about why they were fighting the troll], but her lie cemented a friendship with Ron and Harry, leading a child to conclude that her lie served an excellent purpose, and could not be considered 'wrong'.

I mean . . . yeah? I don’t think it’s entirely reasonable to assume that children will take that lesson away, but I read it as a child and I certainly didn’t think Hermione was wrong to lie -- nor do I now, which I suppose proves just how powerful the Satanic conditioning was.

Professor Quirrell told Harry, "There is no good or evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it ." [p. 291] This is standard Witchcraft, and standard Illuminist doctrine. This doctrine is the guiding light to those Illuminists who are driving the world into the Kingdom of Antichrist. This doctrine is very seductive to those immature children trying to grow up in our current culture; since a child's inherent nature is evil, he will find such philosophy more appealing than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Christian parents, beware!

Oh thank God Satan, we’re back to the bullshit. I was getting seriously weirded out by the idea that they had good points buried in here somewhere, but now we’re just faced with the argument that the bad guy says . . . bad things . . . and is defeated because his bad ideas are obviously bad and wrong . . . and this proves that the book is teaching children to believe the bad things?

No one reads these books and wants to be the bad guys, Cutting Edge. Kids aren’t buying Harry Potter wands and robes to pretend that they’re Quirrell, trying to keep people from finding out they have a Dark Lord on the back of their head. (Though now that I’ve mentioned it, that sounds like a very fun game.)

Depicting bad things in a way that makes it clear -- to children, I must reiterate -- that they’re bad isn’t the same thing as romanticizing or promoting those bad things. This is basic stuff, CE.

Revenge Motive : "Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Countercurses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying, and Much, Much More , by Vindictus Viridian." [p. 80] Throughout these books, seeking revenge and attacking your enemies is high on the priority list of Harry, his friends, and other students. Do you want your children to adopt this most Satanic attitude? Notice the first name of the author of this revenge book, above, is named "Vindictus, i.e., Vindictive".

Students are taught to depend upon Witchcraft for every part of their lives . All food is conjured up rather than prepared, all the dishes are conjured clean, and even the hospital depends upon Witchcraft to get students well [p. 156]. Neville Longbottom, one of the more clumsy students, received a crystal ball from his grandmother called a Remembrall . The ball glows scarlet if you have forgotten something you should have done. [p. 145]

That’s . . . fuck, that’s actually kind of another good point. Stop kinda making sense, goddamn it!

A lot of the criticism is just that the things wizards do are cool, which will make kids want to become witches/wizards in order to do those cool things, too. And to be fair, the stuff Harry et. al. does are cool, and I did want to be a witch when I grew up. Fortunately, I was in third grade, and so my options for witchcraft were relatively limited; by the time I was old enough to pursue the endeavor properly, I was also old enough to know that it was actually nothing like Harry Potter. If magic actually was anything like those books make it seem, we’d have a lot more witches running around, zapping shit.

Possible reference to homosexuality . When I was first researching Harry Potter, I examined several pro-Potter websites. The author of one of the articles said that one of the probable developments she felt would occur in the latter books was the advent of homosexuality in the story theme. She said such activity was only hinted at in the first books.

Oh dear god, Cutting Edge found the shippers. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

(I wonder if this means they’ve also read the Draco Trilogy.)

I do have to take issue with one last point in this bit about morals, where they talk about how scarring it might be to a child to see Voldemort possessing the back of Quirrell’s head:

Rowling could not have created a better description of demonic possession by a dark and powerful demon! Christian parent, is this the type of thing you want your child to bring into their minds?

Thing is, I’ve been in a lot of Christian circles for most of my life, and this sounds exactly like the kind of dark, traumatizing thing many religious parents would be happy to put into their children’s minds.

Part Almost Done: Definitely Intentional Satanic Symbols, Really

Hey, did you know the number 11 was occultist? I didn’t, and when I Googled it, 4 of the front-page results were Christian or conspiracy groups making this claim, 2 were unclear, and 3 actually seemed to indicate some level of belief in the power of the number 11. Though I might’ve stacked the deck with the word “occult”; when I changed my search term to “magic,” I found almost exclusively positive articles about the symbolic power of the number 11, so . . . Cutting Edge isn’t necessarily wrong.

But boy, did you know how many times the number 11 shows up in Sorcerer's Stone? Not very much, but if we stretch our credibility a little bit, we might see something spooky!

Harry was eleven (11) when he was admitted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The number eleven is considered sacred to the occultist, as it is the first primary number. Occultists will also add up numbers to get an occult number that is sacred; thus, I was highly interested when the bank vault maintained for Harry by his Mom and Dad before their death was numbered '713' [p. 73]. When you add '7 + 1 + 3 = 11'. Then, we learn that, in the money of the Fantasy Reality, "twenty-nine Knuts to a Sickle". When you add 2 + 9 = 11.

When Harry found the wand that was meant for him, it turned out to be 11 inches long! [p. 84]

The Hogwarts Express Train left at 11 o'clock from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. [p. 91]

Oh man, that’s some convincing evidence. Evidence of what, I have no idea, but it uses math and I’m sure it’s very alarming!

" Sorcerer's Stone " is also called the "Philosopher's Stone", and is very, very Satanic! Rosicrucianism teaches that an Initiate will pass through five stages to become the highest Adept possible, to be most proficient in exercising the power of Satanism. They call this process the "Five Stages In The Transmutation of the Soul". The final stage is depicted by the Phoenix Bird; the Adept is then said to have achieved the "Sorcerer's Stone". Thus, the fact that the term, "Sorcerer's Stone" is in the title of this book suggests that the ultimate goal of all students at Hogwarts is to achieve the Sorcerer's Stone.

Wow, that sure is an interesting interpretation of the rock that shows up in the book for like 6 pages and then is immediately destroyed! Alternate theory, if you’re open to it: It’s a rock, named the Philosopher’s Stone because the Philosopher’s Stone is historically the name of a rock, called the philosopher's stone, and it's literally just a rock and doesn't mean anything Satanist because it's a fucking ROCK.

(Pictured: A rock)

There’s a really odd part right after the long discussion about how alchemy and unicorns and whatnot are Satanic Illuminati symbols, where CE just takes a moment to explain the game of Quidditch. No commentary beyond a sassy little “[Even the Quidditch balls are 'enchanted'].” Just . . . sort of letting you know how the game is played.

To be fair, this is quite a valuable service, since I don’t think anyone actually understands how Quidditch works, but I’m not sure what it’s doing sandwiched between two declarations of Harry Potter’s obvious evil.

PART THE LAST THANK GOD: WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A SUBTITLE IT’S ALMOST OVER

The first few paragraphs are standard boilerplate conclusion stuff, reiterating the rest of the story, continued misunderstanding that bad things are done by the bad guys, no there really are drugs and Illuminati propaganda in here I promise, yadda yadda. Nothing noteworthy except for the fact that I found this sentence absolutely hilarious:

But, most horribly, we see depictions of Satanism that are truly End of the Age. We see the symbol of Antichrist, the Unicorn.

And so I leave you with this one final thought, because it’s all I can fit into the saggy mush that was once my brain:

From Genesis through Revelation, God demands His people separate themselves from the evil around them! SEPARATE! SEPARATE! SEPARATE!

S E P A R A T E

#harry potter #hp #rowling #jkr #this doesn't really count as fandom history does it?#i did discover this amazing site through f_w #tagging this as Christianity would be mean i think #but i'm ignoring the wank mostly and sticking to the FACTS #'facts' like 'harry potter's eyes are the color of satan'#WAKE UP SHEEPLE #this is the world's longest post and i'm not sure it's interesting to anyone except me #i got very tired at the end of this can you tell #i refuse to even consider editing this #you will take my thoughts as i have them #if the 'read more' doesn't show up IT IS NOT MY FAULT I FUCKING PUT IT THERE I SWEAR IT #quotes aren't showing up on mobile #can't do red text or fun fonts on desktop #this post is a goddamn disaster and it's what both i and this essay deserve

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ac3has6l00d · 5 years ago

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Shit my band director has said

I have been keeping track of a bunch of the funny shit my Band Director has been saying to us since like, halfway though the school year-last year. Here is what I have so far. If it is in reference to a person, I will put their instrument and if It's a song I'll put the song (if I remember it). He is referred to as Barr (an ironic last name). Also don't clock me for spelling I'm not meant to have my phone out during band and yet here we are.

-Highlighter of a thousand suns

-YESSS, Cole (a french horn player) no, BUT YESSSSS

-Dee dee, I'm part of a drum set

-He dead, but a surprise ending

-Haha, I am the sailor, you fell in love with

-Santas Depressed (Minor Alterations)

-Though the woodwinds I heard the buuuRR

-It's the best of all possible worlds, and then they get invaded (Candid Suit)

-harcan back to the yesterday of your, when we had counting issues

-horns, a little more, yes, I am sure

-let it ring

-no, no *disgusted face* no

-do it again!

-can I hit you with some scary knowledge

-this is good enough, thanks, this is never wrong (talking about Dr. Beat)

-the raseing of the prevorial oooohs

-goodjob Joel (a trumpet player), you rythemmaster you

-i can say this because I am one and I'm raising a girl, but boys are weird

-Alright, Angelic fruity boy (in reference to a trumpet player)

-Horns... the heroes instrument

-i actually didn't hear you at all

-did they take your triangle?

-Right notes are also important

- Teacups? It's a small world? *Ian (a french horn player)- Mt. Everest* You got sasquatch on the brain?

-morse code people

-a shade under the tempo

-woofie woofie woofie all the way around

-That isn't our Forté in the horn section to play lightly (He played french horn)

-can I get a rallintado amen

-tess (flut/piccolo player), Jordan (percussionist) - Jordan tess, Piccolo tambourine, - tambourine Piccolo

- we have plenty loud in this piece, enjoy the soft

-thats when they get invaded (Candid Suit)

-thanks trumpets... yah yeah yeahh

-flute hanger-oner

-Bold, Underlined, and in all caps

-music land

- *impersonates Kristin chenoweth* (Candid Suit)

- coming in from the basement

-were you trying to roast me? i will defend myself

-all a Twitter about arby's or something I dunno

-that was also a bold, all caps email

-unicon has a limp

-where have you been all my tambourine life

-can we agree on right notes then?

-melody melody melody, finnaly finnaly finnaly (trombones getting the melody)

-slip the surely bonds of earth

-ah please, decapitate all the invaders

-good for you... breaking norms

-christmas arrived early for you but not for anybody else

-ill write you an invitation next time

- but shut up

-stare out the window

-you may be alright young man

-seniors is theirs enough of an amen? (Chosing to Play Angel's in the Arcatectur by Frank ticheli)

-if I see that guy in a dark allyway... I'll play him a recording of Angel's in the arcatectur (To they Guy that gave us a bad score on our MPA)

-whah whah what is like a bad joke on the trombone

-gone fishing be back in a hour

-im just music roasting you

-i dont like this key HAAAAAAHHHH

-empty that spit

- everyone is still standing, so that's good

- im monolouging, you get that input later

- that's a really anticlimactic chord trumpets

-three f's. And your all thinking rainbows and unicorns

-Joels (a trumpet player) paying attention

- twirling the wherlys (tubes at the beginning and end of AitA)

-i dont mess with my post-its

-dropped mute isn't apart of my score

-i wanna see fire coming from your nostrils... like GOT IT

- it's muddy but we're getting there

-alive and well

-i would expect guys from he middle school band .... that's the only roast I have

-rob (a percussionist), we need to do spinning practice

-the devils intervals

-we can end on an amen

-it's like a great dane with crippling anxiety, its scared of everything. So what do you do, you put it on a treadmill and start popping balloons around it... this is training

-if I cant trust you then give it back to me.

-it's about me not you, me not you.

-for trombones, not toilets

-im going to let the trombones use their new toys (some trombones got plunger mutes (I was not one if them, Bass trombone life, bro))

-like... poof

-the devil in band

- satan himself... in the form of your phone

-welcome to band

-it's kinda hard, if you havent noticed.

-please hold for your next representative

- you are playing the elevator muzak version

-some of you are counting... and some of you play the alto. Sax (actual shade ngl)

-the best bond song from one of the stupidest bond movie (this nerd had us playing James Bond music at the end of the school year)

-jordan, finally, a use for your whistling.

-the first thing ella (his daughter) said to me, was flower

-impeckable german

-im going to save you all from this and mute it

- for those of you unitallans

- they chuck 'em

- bread and butter band keys

-there is no humor in marching band

- the fads you kids are into these days.

- our boiiis

- instrament of mass destruction

-ahoy mates

-is there a pre malone

-the newest version of mac... high Ciara (a chick in my Music Production Class)

-your in your pre stages

-thats a great beat son

-were on a bus my child

-if you don't music speak

-where is the beat, I am trying to adjust accordingly

-Ich Bin confused

- if you use the word angelic I will come back there (One of the Horns said it as a joke)

-it's like the piccolo of the percussion section

-mr. Barr is now in his office

-boys, why and no

-why are you whistling Hawaii 5.0?

- yeah, I need a highhat to subdivide too

-we got new old bessy back there (about the new bass drum frame since the old frame broke during the MB season)

-oh I've used dumpsterfire, I've seen quite a few in my day

-dumpsterfire? (I used it and he picked up on it)

-you went even alive, why am I telling you?

-do I sound hip?

-thats the right answer

-if I don't do that to yours, it doesn't mean you are not a great person

-you found 8th position (I'm pretty sure this was him talking to me about bass trombone stuff)

-i see what I did there

- don't get old, you wake up and then you can't feel your leg.

-the sparks were there but it's not raging yet

-long live the king

-i will brb

-thats annoying

-its quitten time y'all

-Barb Peterson (Our lovely Colour Gaurd instucter) Hotline

- please escort this out, I hate it

- is Seth's (Clarinet and Pit) head one of those two way mirrors?

-that's incredable seth

-should I not make spinal tap references?

-nevermind a reference I will put away for this class.

-i now live in fear of that.

-this is bumpen

-im having some real memory issues.

-death star trench run

-think the towel, be the towel

-dont poke the barr

-my wife watches garbage tv when I'm not there

-the most dramatic little people show

-soundtrack, moving on

-twiggles (there is a teacher with the last name of Twig)

-saf to say

-i like you, but not that much

-im going to give you the confused dog look

-this is not open roast time

-zing

-i love how it creeped into your subconscious

-nooooohhoo

-what a quick roast of me annie (a very, very, very good clarinetist)

-it's like the end of the commercial where they add all the legal stuff.

- the flex tape tape

-am I going to have to sound really aloof and do commercials

-i love how you are all responsive

-let me finish!

-don't juule

-i have my box o' toys (MTP we were recording sounds for a project so he pulled out a bunch of percussion stuff)

- if i squint I can hear the right thing

-I feel like hot garbage

-if only we lived in the information age

-were hitting the gym annie... I don't know what that means

-the gong is in the room

-i blew up the death star

-25% of people who conduct this come down with this crazy illness

-your like the studio aduiance for like QVC, "what do you do?" "SCRATCH IT OUT!"

-i dont understand your generation

-youve poisoned me. I hope you are happy

-weight not wait

-oh wow

-shut up

-you just lead your sled into a ditch (Midnight sleighride)

-i love his vocal signature, like "I did this song and I'm jason derulo"

-the power of pan

-wait, what's tic-toc

-shut it

-its like a hippo with Ballarina shoes on

-it's thick with a whole bunch of K

-im trying to throw him a gong bone

-Trombasusaphoneabone

Yeah I have no clue if he knows he is saying that stuff

#band #concert band #marching band #my band director is crazy #but we all love him #we are his other children #trombone life #bass trombone life #heyy #red rants #red posts

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distant-rose · 6 years ago

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Seal of Fate Ch. 3 (4/8)

Notes: Alright before anyone of you read this chapter, I feel the need to remind you that Emma Swan is not a bitch. Emma Swan is an amazing character with some flaws and whose life has been filled with all sorts of trauma. She has trust issues and most certainly PTSD. If you think someone with that background is going to have no issue trusting people, especially a magical seal man whom she’s known for like two weeks, without some issue then this story isn’t for you. This is a kind reminder that the canon events of Emma being abandoned, put in foster care and being pregnant with Henry in prison after the bullshit Neal pulled with her when she was 17 years old are canon in the Seal of Fate universe. So, with that being said, this chapter is mainly about Emma’s trauma and how it’s lead to her having a lot of trust issues. Do not come into my comments section and tell me that Emma Swan is a bitch for pushing away a seal man who she met two weeks ago. I will fight you. End of story. With that being said, there will be pay off for all the angst, anger and frustration here in the next chapter. I promise. I’m not pulling the rug out from underneath you. A special thanks to @aerica13 for being an amazing beta and for pushing me through this difficult chapter. I literally couldn’t have done with this without you. Thank you to @cssns and @drowned-dreamer for making my event experience so far amazing. Another big thank you to @katie-dub and @shireness-says for being my cheerleaders. Even though this story isn’t attracting a lot of traffic and it’s been a bit demoralizing, you make every word of this story worth it. Summary: Emma Swan is looking for only one thing - answers. Abandoned outside a police station in Menemsha, Martha’s Vineyard, Emma has dedicated her life to finding out where she comes from and why she was given away. She finds an unlikely partner in Killian, a selkie she inadvertently summons in a fit of frustration over her cold case. Word Count: 4,600+ AO3: [LINK] Chapters: Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Epilogue Rating: T+

Emma Swan’s life was regulated by series of long, self-imposed rules. She always filled her gas tank whenever she hit the quarter ‘til empty mark. She didn’t trust food that didn’t come prepackaged. She always wore bike shorts under her dresses because of that punk kid in her fifth group home that skirted her. On top of that proverbial list of rules, written in bold red ink and underlined three times, was that Emma Swan did not ever, under any circumstances, sleep with men.

She didn’t sleep with men. Period.

Well, she slept with men but a purely utilitarian fuck-and-run way that satisfied occasional itches and abated the loneliness for awhile. She didn’t spend the night and she absolutely did not cuddle. Those sort of things led to issues. It meant conversations that were best not had. It meant being completely vulnerable with someone who was more likely than not a stranger she picked up in a bar.

Hence why she went into a full meltdown mode when she awoke the next morning still on the beach, sand in her pants and Killian curled around her like a clingy octopus. The very sight of him drooling on her shoulder sent off vaguely Kill Bill sounding sirens in her head.

So Emma did what she did best.

She ran.

And she didn’t look back. Not even for her shoes.

She went back into her house, grabbed her cell phone and keys, then got in the Bug and drove all the way to Oak Bluffs. Never before had Emma been so happy with the lack of a real police force on the island because she was sure to be have been pulled over with how fast she drove. The drive had been tense. She hadn’t been able to relax and no amount of tinkering with the radio assuaged her chaotic thoughts.

Killian was getting under her skin. He had been barely been in her life for more than two weeks but he had already gotten closer to her than anyone had in the past decade. It was something she needed to rectify and fast.

“He’s going to leave,” she mumbled to herself, slapping her hands against the steering wheel. “Once this is over, he’s going to leave and everything is going to go back to normal.”

The switch from West Tisbury to Oak Bluffs was a noticeable one. Where Chilmark blended in the West Tisbury almost seamlessly with the long line of white oak trees and the overgrown shrubbery that guided the poorly paved roads, the boundary leading to Oak Bluffs was noticeably more populated with houses and stores. The Cape Cod style that dominated Menemsha and Chilmark wasn’t so common and Emma was surprised to see some of the buildings actually looked like they had been built after 1970. Where the majority of the houses Emma had previously encountered tended to stick to the gray scale, these buildings were flamboyant shades of flamingo pink, soft orange and lime green. They reminded her of the elaborate gingerbread houses she had seen in the windows of bakeries as a child. It was fresh and new side to the island that she not yet explored and she allowed her curiosity to overtake the anxious energy that had dominated her mind since she had awoke.

As she got further into town, the scenery became more settled and more urban in its demeanor. If it weren’t for the occasional gingerbread house, she wouldn’t have known that she was still stuck in the Vineyard. It felt good be somewhat back in civilisation again.

It wasn’t until she was washing up in the bathroom of the infamous Black Dog bakery that she finally took notice of her unkempt appearance. She had mascara lines running down her cheeks, her hair looked like a rat’s nest and her clothes were rumpled. No wonder the cashier had given her an odd look when she had bought a bear claw. She looked like hell.

After running her fingers through her hair and washing her face, Emma tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. Her attempts were met with limited success but there was only so much that she could do given the circumstances.

As she walked over to the hospital, she couldn’t help but feel bereft. Over the past week and half, she had gotten used to Killian’s persistent commentary and suggestions on how to proceed. His absence sat heavy in her chest, pressing down on her ribs like a stone.

She didn’t want to but Emma couldn’t help how much she missed him. The realisation made her angry. She hated herself for growing so fond and so dependent on his company. He was merely a temporary fixture in her life, just like everyone else.

She didn’t need him and was probably better off without his help anyway.

The thought became a mantra, a mental war cry, as she straightened out her shoulders and walked towards the reception desk with the same dread and determination of a gladiator entering an battle arena.

The receptionist was a surly looking woman who eyed her with an expression that made it clear she was less than impressed with Emma’s appearance.

“This isn’t a recovery center. If you’re looking for one, you’ll have to take the ferry over to Hyannis. There’s a pamphlet for it on your left.”

Emma bristled at the comment, self consciously smoothing over the wrinkles in her shirt.

“My name is Emma Swan, I’m private investigator. I was hoping to look at your birth records.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no,” she repeated, this time with a hint of an edge to voice.

Emma sighed, fishing out her wallet and handing over her identification and investigator’s permit. The woman didn’t even in look at them, merely looked up at her with the same disapproving scowl.

“That’s my private investigator’s licens-” “I know what it is,” the woman cut her off. “If it’s not a court ordered document, I’m not letting you look at our database. I don’t know if you’re aware, Little Miss Investigator, but there is such a thing called HIPAA which means those documents are protected.”

“HIPAA does not cover birth and death certificates,” Emma replied through gritted teeth. “Those are a matter of public record.”

“Oh goody,” the woman replied in a sarcastic tone, “then go bother the Registry of Vital Records like everyone else.”

“I can’t do that. I don’t know exactly the specific person I’m looking for. Only that I’m looking for a female born in October 1983. This is related to a police investigation of an abandoned child out in Memensha.”

“You’re wasting your time,” she snorted. “The police probably looked at it in the 80s. You honestly think you’re better than a bunch of cops?”

“Yes,” Emma replied bluntly, bracing her hands against the desk and staring down at the woman with a look just barely short of contempt. “Because they didn’t investigate it. Now, I would like to look at your October 1983 birth records please.”

“HIPAA says-” “I give zero shits what HIPAA says. Please get me your supervisor.”

“No.”

Emma let out a frustrated sound, yanking her hands off the table and running through her hair. Killian wouldn’t have run into this kind of trouble. He would have just smiled and made a comment about how pretty her disgusting hair looked and that woman would have been willing to hand over her own social security number. The very thought made her even more angry.

She pulled out her phone and immediately looked up the number for the Martha’s Vineyard Hospital, specifically for the medical records department. When she found the correct number, she punched it and stared the receptionist directly in the eye as she held the phone up to her ear.

“Martha’s Vineyard Hospital, Department of Records, this is Astrid speaking,” a woman on the other end of the line stated pleasantly.

“Hello Astrid, my name is Emma Swan, I’m a private investigator who is licensed in the states of Massachusetts, Maine, Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York and Florida. I’m investigating a cold case involving abandoned child in Menemsha October 1983. I was hoping I could look at your birth record files…”

There was a pause on the other end and Emma could hear the faint sound of conversation on the other end as she continued her staring contest with the nasty receptionist. A few moments passed before Astrid came back on the line.

“You wanted to look at the birth records during October in 1983?”

“Yes.”

There was another long pause. Emma counted the seconds in her head.

“Do you have a court order?”

“No,” she admitted. “But birth certificates are a matter of public record and as stated previously, I’m a licensed private investigator in the state of Massachusetts.”

“When did you plan on looking at the records?”

“Now, if that’s possible.”

There was a loud coughing noise on the other end followed by even more muffled conversation.

“Miss Swan, we need a little more time to get the records prepared for you. Give us a few hours, say after lunch around 2:30 and you can come down to the Records Department and have supervised access to the requested documents. Do you have more specific dates in mind or just the month of October?”

“Let’s keep it at the entire month of October just to be safe…”

“Okay. We will meet you at reception then and bring you down to Records at 2:30 then.”

“Thank you,” Emma replied, smirking at the receptionist. If she was feeling a little more immature, she would have fist pumped in her face. “I will see you then.”

After leaving the hospital, Emma wandered the streets of Oak Bluffs. She couldn’t help but feel that she was Martin Brody walking the streets of Amity Island. Everywhere she looked, it seemed to be tourist shops and ice cream places that had shut down for the winter. The only things that seemed to be open were the few restaurants like Sharky’s Cantina and Nancy’s. A large arcade on Main Street was also open despite the fact that there were only five kids inside, all of them crowding around some obnoxious game that involved loud shooting.

As she reached the docks, her phone buzzed. She frowned as she looked down at the screen, not recognising the number. She hit the ignore button as she began to examine the large yachts and fishing boats that were lined up. Some of them had clever names such as “The Codfather” and “The Aqua-holic.” Though the ship names held some amusement, she was shocked to see how far some were from home. Many of the ships docked were from Florida and South Carolina but there were a few from Jamaica and Bermuda. She couldn’t fathom why anyone from such sunny places would want to be in Martha’s Vineyard, especially in October.

It wasn’t until she was eating lunch at Dockside Marketplace that she realised whoever called her had left a message. Curious, she went to her voicemail and punched in her password.

It was Killian.

“Swan! Where are you! I woke up and you were gone! Your yellow death trap is gone! Are you alri-” Emma didn’t wait to hear what else he had to say. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. In a fit of pettiness, she turned off her phone and spent the rest of her lunch in petulant silence, listening to Top 40s pop music as she munched unhappily on her onion rings.

When she returned to the hospital, the receptionist from before was gone and replaced by a young blonde with tired eyes and a kind smile. She was chatting with a brunette in scrubs that was leaning against the desk. They looked up as soon as she came in and gave her cautious smiles.

“Are you Emma Swan?” the brunette asked politely.

“Yes.”

“I’m Astrid Acker, I work in the Records Department. Do you mind showing me your ID and private detective’s license?”

Emma fished them out of her pocket and handed them over. Astrid looked at them both for a moment before nodding satisfaction and handing them back. She motioned for Emma to follow her down a long hallway. They reached a stairwell and descended down into the basement levels. It had a cold industrial feel to it, with exposed pipes lining the walls and sterile colored tiles. Astrid led her down another hallway before taking her into a sparsely decorated office. It was cluttered as hell and it immediately made her feel claustrophobic. There were three oversized desks, two that were covered in sprawling documents and dated computers while the other was completely clear save for a single case box.

Astrid pulled two chairs over to the clear desk. She held the first chair out to Emma before sitting in the other one. She pulled the lid off the box and glanced back at Emma.

“Martha’s Vineyard sees an average of 176 births per year,” she said quietly. “In 1983, there was a total of 216 births. 23 of those were born in the month of October. All of them are in that box.”

“23?”

“23,” she confirmed. “You can look at the records but you cannot take them, make copies or photos of them.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

Emma’s hands shook as she pulled the files from the box. Immediately she separated the males from the females, heart hammering in her chest as the number of files dropped from twenty-three to eight.

Six were born in the beginning of October. Only two fell into the potential time period that Emma was looking for. One was named Jennifer Cameron and the other was Julia Wright. She glanced up from the documents and back at Astrid.

“What’s the population size of Martha’s Vineyard?”

“Roughly 15,000 people.”

“Small.”

“I guess you can say that.”

Emma moved the eight files towards Astrid, every single atom of her being vibrating with tension. “Out of these eight files, do you know any of them personally?”

Astrid looked startled by the question. She gave Emma a long inquisitive look before opening each file and rattling off what she knew about each one.

“I don’t know Teresa...I don’t know Kayla either...or Laura….but I know Brenda. She dated my brother. They have two kids named Tony and Alana. Alison….if it’s the Alison I know, she left the Vineyard back in the tenth grade. Jen used to be friends with my brother but something happened and I don’t know what. Julia and Sarah were the mean girls growing up. Julia is married and owns a bed and breakfast in Chilmark and Veronica owns Vineyard Scoops in Edgartown.”

And just like that, all the energy, all the hope that Emma had, died. She felt like a popped balloon, scattered and deflated. Another dead end. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to be sad. She wanted to feel something but all she felt was numb.

“Thank you for your time,” Emma said after a moment before gathering all the strength she had left and standing up.

“I’m sorry.” Astrid was confused.

“None of these women are who I’m looking for.”

It wasn’t until she felt the hospital and was back by the docks that Emma felt something. A powerful and raw rage burned in her veins. She wanted to scream but she settled to for kicking a trash can and startling a small colony of seagulls.

Drawing a heavy breath, she turned her phone back on. She regretted the decision almost instantly. Twenty missed calls and nine messages left for her. All from the same number.

“Jesus Killian,” she mumbled under her breath as she called her voicemail.

“You have nine new messages…first message received today at 12:05pm...Swan! Where are you! I woke up and you were gone! Your yellow death trap is-” Emma deleted the message before it finished.

“Next new message received today at 12:34pm...Swan! Where are you! I’ve been looking everywhere-” She hit the delete button again.

“Next new message received today at 12:46pm...Swan, it’s me. I’m hoping you just went into town and got Granny’s or something...I’m going to go down and meet you. Call me back when you get this.”

“Next new message received today at 1:13pm...I just stopped by Granny’s...Ruby said she hasn’t seen you...Where are you? Please call me back.”

“Next new message received today at 1:19pm...Swan! I’m worried now! Where are you? I don’t understand what’s going on or why you won’t answer your talking phone.”

“Next new message received today at 1:27pm...Swan...please just answer me...I want to know what’s going on…Just talk to me…”

“Next new message received today at 1:31pm…I don’t know where you are but please just call me. I just want to know you’re okay.”

“Next new message received today at 1:45pm...You left me...”

She dropped her phone. All the emotion she thought she would feel after her latest failure came at the broken and defeated tone of Killian’s voice. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes and she held her hand up to her face in order to stifle the cry that desperately wanted escape her lips. She felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

She took a moment to try and gather herself, wiping at her sniffling nose as she stared out into the marina, watching seagulls dive at the water in search of fresh prey. She almost forgot to listen to the final voice message that Killian had left her.

“...End of new message. To listen to it again...press one...To save it...press two...to erase it...press three…”

She pressed down on the first option, knowing it would be unpleasant and Killian would more than likely be screaming at her but there was a part of her, the self-loathing part, that felt she deserved it.

“New message received today at 2:56pm…Emma…” The way he said her name wasn’t angry. It was strained and filled with an emotion that words could not identify but she knew it on a fundamental level. Her blood went cold in her veins.

Something was wrong.

“Emma…” Killian repeated again and his time his voice wavered a bit. “The pelts...The pelts on Gold’s property...they’re...They’re selkie pelts.”

“Oh shit,” she whispered as the color drained from her face.

She had left Killian alone in Menemsha with a man who more likely than not hunted his kind. And more than that, she had left him without any means to defend himself; her taser and pistol were in the glove compartment of her car. Now, she was officially the world’s biggest asshole.

In the long list of self-imposed rules that Emma Swan had, near the top of the list was that she didn’t push the Bug faster than sixty miles per hour. There were practical reasons for this, mainly because the Bug was nearly two decades old and she didn’t fancy replacing it any time soon. She pressed the pedal to the floor as she raced down State Road and North Road on her way back to Menemsha, the needle on her speedometer jumping between seventy-five and eighty miles per hour.

She may have nearly killed more than a dozen rabbits on her way.

The Bug made its grievances known, sputtering and whining as she came to a grinding halt in front of the beach house. Emma barely acknowledged it over the thundering of her heart ramming against her chest as her eyes scanned the property, hoping against hope to see any sign that Killian was in the house and that he was alright.

There were no lights on in the house, but she didn’t expect any. Killian was practically an old man and had an almost amusing dislike for electricity. He had a habit of leaving the lights off as long as possible until he couldn’t read without them. It made Emma privately question a lot of what happened while he was stuck with Cora and her daughter during his five years stuck on land.

“Killian?” She called almost tentatively when she stepped into the house.

Only silence came to greet her. The stillness of the house unnerved her and she could feel her anxiety skyrocket in response.

“Killian!”

Various scenarios flashed into her mind but at the forefront was seeing his pelt hanging from the blood soaked rack on the front lawn of Gold’s property. Immediately, she scrambled up the stairs and into the guest bedroom. She didn’t bother with any pretenses. She knew exactly what she was looking for and where it was. She made a beeline for the large white dresser and pulled open the third drawer.

The sight of Killian’s pelt caused her to let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Without thinking, she pulled it out of the drawer and brought it to her face. She buried her nose in the thick fur, trying to take comfort in the fact that it was still in the house and not on the rack up the road.

She was almost surprised at how soft it was. Emma didn’t have much experience with fur, let alone seal fur but it felt incredibly silky and all she wanted to do was keep it against her skin.

“Swan?”

Emma froze, her cheek still rubbed against his pelt as she craned her head towards the doorway. He was looking at her with a guarded expression, shoulders tense and hands curled into tight fists. If she didn’t know any better, she would say that he was preparing himself for a fight.

“Where the fuck were you?” she hissed. “I got your message and I was scared out of my mind!”

“Got my messages, did you?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest and raising his eyebrows at her. The coolness of his tone nearly made her flinch.

“Yes. I freaked out! You can’t leave messages like that and just run off! You could have been hurt! You could have been killed! I was fucking terrified that I was going to come home and see your pelt out there on that fucking rack!”

“I could say the same to you, love.”

“This isn’t a game, Killian!”

“I never said it was. I’m merely pointing out the hypocrisy as I’m seeing it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to quell the chaotic squall of emotions that wanted to bubble up to the surface. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to lash out but she couldn’t necessarily deny the truth in his words.

“I should have called you back, I’m so-” “No, it shouldn’t even have gotten to that point,” he cut her off. “You should have woken me up, Emma! We’re supposed to be partners!”

“We’re not supposed to be anything.” The words leapt from her throat before she could stop them.

As soon as she said them, Killian reared back as if her words had hit him with physical force. He stared at her as if he had never seen her before in his life. They stood there for a brief moment in tense silence. The distance between them was only about eight feet but it felt much larger than that. It felt like a canyon that Emma wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to bridge.

“Where were you?” she asked again, this time in a softer tone.

Killian looked somewhat bereft, swallowing his words and looking away from her. For a moment, Emma wasn’t sure he was going to answer her.

“I went into the house.”

She gasped at his explanation, staring at him in disbelief. “You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t, Killian.”

“Considering all of today’s revelations, I’m shocked you care.”

“Of course I care! You could have been killed!”

“He wasn’t there,” he replied, still not looking at her. “He...I...He doesn’t just keep the pelts, Emma. There was a jar on the mantle...It was full of teeth...”

A cold shiver went down Emma’s spine. Ruby’s warning from her first day in Menemsha echoed in her head and a part of her wished she had given it more thought.

“How many?”

“I didn’t count,” Killian laughed humorously. A brittle smile crossed his lips and it made Emma feel sick. “I didn’t get close enough. I didn’t want to but countless...That whole place reeks of blood.”

“You shouldn’t have gone in there, Killian.”

His eyes cut to her. “And what should I have done, Swan? Waited for you? You cut out of here so swiftly, I wasn’t sure you were even going to come back.”

“Of course I was coming back. Don’t be an idiot. But Killian, think about this. Gold owns this town. No one knows who you are. You technically don’t exist here. He could have gotten to you and no one except me would have known something happened to you.”

“I’m very much aware of that, Swan.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, despite what you think, I’m not just a dumb animal. I’m quite intelligent despite your constant willingness to overlook that fact.”

“I know you’re smart-” “Yet you insist on treating me as I’m nothing more than dumb pet, not even worthy of leaving a note or even communicating with. Are you going to get me a ball to play with next? Make me eat out of a bowl?”

“You’re making a bigger deal of this than it actually it is,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“No. I’m just seeing the clear picture. You don’t trust me, or anyone for that matter! You would rather be alone than let yourself get burned again! Whoever he is, he must have done quite the number on you that you would rather be unhappy and alone than take any risks and let anyone in. Being alone is a bitter existence, take it from someone who knows.”

“Oh! Because you know everything!” Emma jeered.

“When it comes to being alone? Yes! I told you what happened to me. I told you about losing my family, losing Milah. I’m not unsympathetic to your plight, Emma, but you need to get it through your head that you’re not alone.”

She wanted to punch him; wanted nothing more than to break his nose. He was so full of shit and she couldn’t stand the sight of him.

“Oh fuck you,” she snarled. “Stop the bullshit. You don’t actually care. The only reason you’re still standing here is because you’re trapped. As soon as this is over, you’re just going to back. You won’t even blink.”

“If you honestly still believe that then I can’t help you,” he said softly with a disappointed look on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair before looking back at her with a beseeching expression. “Look, I can’t do this right now. Just give me back my pelt.”

Emma froze. Her mind went blank at his request and she stared down at the pelt in her hands. Her fingers were curled into it so tightly that her skin was stretched white over her knuckles. She knew that the appropriate response was to give it back to him and let him go on his merry way but she couldn’t bring herself to let go of it. Without thinking, she instead tightened her own hold on it.

Killian stared at her, absolutely stunned. There was no mistaking the look of betrayal in his eyes. He stretched out his hand and Emma couldn’t help but notice that it was trembling.

“Emma…” He sounded broken.

Reluctantly, she let go of his pelt; depositing it in his hand before she could think more on her hesitation. She practically ran past him and took sanctuary in her room, trying to put as much distance as she could between them.

The tears didn’t come until she closed the door and it was firmly against her back.

#captain swan #cs ff #cs fic #cs fanfiction #cs fanfic #cssns #seal of fate #my fic #my shit

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annalynnaeus · 6 years ago

Text

Lymond playlist

Because this is my life now

Link here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX1j0sgNhs4&list=PLTcxkqgFNIFFfR0CQnR2woOkTM0TKdBd5

Index and annotations below the cut

So this is organized with roughly 3 songs per book.

Game of Kings:

Garbage, Cherry Lips (about Lymond, obviously)

She gave you everything she had But she was young and dumb She'd just turned twenty-one She didn't care to hang around So when the shit came down Why she was nowhere to be found

You hold a candle in your heart You shine the light on hidden parts You make the whole world want to dance You bought yourself a second chance

Johnny Cash, God's gonna cut you down (justice comes for a few people in book one...)

You can run on for a long time Run on for a long time Run on for a long time Sooner or later God'll cut you down Sooner or later God'll cut you down Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand Workin' in the dark against your fellow man But as sure as God made black and white What's down in the dark will be brought to the light

Celtic Woman, The Voice (IDEK...I just like this song, and wanted to find a place for it. The fixation on national spirit and history might actually fit better with Oonagh. But I think GoK does have kind of a theme of history following cycles, and wheels of luck, sacrifice for a nation, and so on)

I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain I am the voice of your hunger and pain I am the voice that always is calling you I am the voice, I will remain... I am the voice of the past that will always be Filled with my sorrow and blood in my fields I am the voice of the future Bring me your peace Bring me your peace and my wounds, they will heal

Queens Play

Gaelic Storm, Johnny Tarr -- (This is totally about Thady Boy-- a fictional narrative about a fictional Irish stereotype)

Lemme tell you a little story about a man named Johnny Tarr He was a hard drinking son of a preacher, always at the bar Lager from the tap or shots of Paddy from the shelf He could open his throttle and throw back a bottle as quick as the devil himself ... Johnny Tarr! ... Even if you say it yourself, you wouldn't believe, And I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true!

Dua Lipa, New Rules-- (Poor Robin Stewart. Though this could also work for Jerrott, and many other characters in Lymond’s orbit).

One, don't pick up the phone You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone Two, don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three, don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him You ain't getting over him

Ladytron, Destroy Everything you Touch (Lymond, obviously. You know the quote I’m thinking of.)

You only have to look behind you At who's underlined you Destroy everything you touch today Destroy me this way Everything you touch you don't feel Do not know what you steal

The Disorderly Knights

Broken Bells, The Ghost Inside (Oonagh. Watch the music video...the lyrics aren’t super literal, but I think this song is very appropriate for her)

Just like a whiskey bottle drained on the floor She got no future, just a life to endure This good samaritan is shaking her hand Too late to leave here now, the songs in the can

Nickelback, How You Remind Me (So this is down as my Gabriel song. On paper, really sweet and catchy, but then you start to wonder if something so straightforward might be a little...fake)

This is how you remind me Of what I really am It's not like you to say sorry I was waiting on a different story This time I'm mistaken For handing you A heart worth breaking

Lorde, Loveless (JOLETA. This is normally part two of a two part song, but THIS PART IS JOLETA

Bet you wanna rip my heart out Bet you wanna skip my calls now Well guess what? I like that ‘Cause I’m gonna mess your life up Gonna wanna tape my mouth shut Look out, lovers

Pawn in Frankincense

Moby, Lift Me Up (I don’t have much justification for this song, other than that I like it, and wanted more male artists, and it kind of felt right here)

Plain talking (plain talking) Making us bold (making us bold) So strung out and cold (strung out and cold) Feeling so old (feeling so old)

Halsey, Gasoline (This song is for both Lymond AND Marthe. Favorite song in this playlist. The entire playlist could really just be this song, over and over again. I could write a whole essay connecting this song to the plot of PoF)

Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me? Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?... Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?... Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline I think there's a flaw in my code These voices won't leave me alone Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold

Beats Antique, Rising Tide (Philippa, to some extent. I was a little tempted to use this song in GoK for Christian Stewart, instead, swapping it with the Johnny Cash, but the beginning of the playlist was already dominated by female vocalists. And I think it kind of does work for Philippa at the end of PoF, going back home to her old life, leaving behind these bizarre and horrible experiences, she’s changed and Flaws Valley is still the same.)

You're an ocean of a girl Surrounding a world with a blackening tide You know that the coming storm is going to be a crazy ride With your alters made of bones The aftermath of disposable wings... I would write you a song that sounds like A faded photograph of your favorite night Just a little something to remember me by

The Ringed Castle

Alice Merton, No Roots (This doesn’t need much explanation)

I like digging holes and hiding things inside them When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them 'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down Then pack it up in boxes, head for the next town running... And a thousand times I've seen this road A thousand times I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

Barns Courtney, Glitter and Gold (again, doesn’t need much explanation...)

Do you walk in the valley of kings? Do you walk in the shadow of men Who sold their lives to a dream? Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark The dark, the dark, the dark

Guster, Fa Fa (Ringed Castle just speaks for itself, doesn’t it)

Go and run through the hallways, and find your way to the door You will end up like always, back where you were before Can you look in the mirror, wish you were somebody else But it's still your reflection, you and no one else You were always saying something, you swear you'd never say again

Checkmate

Elefant, Misfit (Lymond and Philippa, to some extent. Also I like the song.)

Tell me your name, tell me your story Cause I'm into it, runnin' through life like a misfit

Sia, Alive (this whole song...)

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go Where the wind don't change And nothing in the ground can ever grow No hope, just lies And you're taught to cry into your pillow But I survived

Garbage, When I grow up (could have also fit in the GoK section)

When I grow up I'll be stable When I grow up I'll turn the tables... Don't take offense Better make amends Rip it all to shreds and let it go

Additional songs I thought of, but scrapped:

Game of Kings Bad Reputation, Joan Jett I don't give a damn 'Bout my reputation I've never been afraid of any deviation An' I don't really care If ya think I'm strange I ain't gonna change

Joanna Newsom, The Things I Say If I have the space of half a day I'm ashamed of half the things I say I'm ashamed to have turned out this way And I desire to make amends But it don't make no difference, now And no one's listening, anyhow And lists of sins and solemn vows Don't make you any friends There's an old trick played When the light and the wine conspire To make me think I'm fine I'm not, but I have got half a mind To maybe get there, yet

America, Sandman (for Jerrott, or Richard) Ain't it foggy outside All the planes have been grounded Ain't the fire inside? Let's all go stand around it Funny, I've been there And you've been here And we ain't had no time to drink that beer 'Cause I understand you've been running from the man... Ain't the years gone by fast I suppose you have missed them Oh, I almost forgot to ask Did you hear of my enlistment? Funny, I've been there And you've been here And we ain't had no time to drink that beer

Queens play Blink 182 What's my age again "And that's about the time she walked away from me, no one likes you when you're twenty-three..."

Jessica Hernandez and the Deltas, Picture me with you (the bisexual anthem, lol) "I've been sleeping with your girlfriend. I' ve been sleeping in her bed. Don't picture me dead Picture me with you... I've been sleeping with your boyfriend. I' ve been sleeping in his bed. Don't picture me dead Picture me with you..."

Ringed Castle Joanna Newsom, Good Intentions Paving Company "Twenty miles left to the show Hello, my old country, Hello Stars are just beginning to appear And I have never, in my life Before been here"

Checkmate Metric, Satellite Mind "Hold it I'm about to drop off Let me tell you my last thought Drift into a deep fog Lost where I forgot to hold it I can feel you most when I'm alone"

Joanna Newsom, Leaving the City "I believe in you Do you believe in me? What do you want to do? Are we leaving the city? On the black road Through the gold fields While the fiends are plowed Towards what we are allowed"

#Lymond #the lymond chronicles #dorothy dunnett #I'm going to regret posting this because I'll think of fifty more songs that belong here #Do any of you have any recommendations for songs that would fit with one or more of the books or characters?#or lyrics or poetry #talk lymond chronicles to me!

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jacobsmith321 · 4 years ago

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Books: Design Your Life by Vince Frost

I brought this book because I did research on Vince Frost’s editorial design and wanted to gain some experience and interest in his page layouts when it comes to typography.

His books seems to mainly use 1 type face and a few fonts of various sizes and weights, but it’s all mostly bold and sans serif. This isn’t a bad thing as his page layouts seem to break traditional norms and he has fun with type, characterising it and giving it life.

When it comes to the cover, it already oozes with personality, having a balanced, spaced filling front cover, with strong amounts of hot pink and crimson. The U is turned into a smiley face to make this book more positive (even have the the U be in the same shade as Vince Frost’s name, so say he’s going to guide you and it’s going to be a very positive experience).

Here are some examples of page layout which I really enjoyed looking through this book.

The pages aren’t numbered, so instead they’re divided by smiling, colour coded faces when you reach to a certain section, but the faces have 3 sets of numbers to make the face and what I really love, is the underline is made to create a smile, as if it’s saying “you’re gonna have fun, don’t think it’s going to talk at you and everything has variety”. This is the contents page and the fonts used are elongated and squished for the section description and when cut off by a line, a regular font that resembles myriad pro is the subheading and it adds more context, such as ‘Preface’ is defined by ‘Design & Evolve’. (Frost, 2014, p.4)

For the information based spreads/pages, I like this one on David Allen as the header used is the same as the content page’s headers, with the Kicker ‘Getting Things Done’, a lede under the kicker, a profile picture David Allen with the name on top.

What this page does well is I can tell that the page layout is column based with the fact that the body copies are divided by 2 and that letters and images are aligned to fit with the appropriate section(apart from the header which takes up both.

Subheadings are slightly bolder and the pull Quote is really amazing on the right, as it’s in the header’s font style and there’s only 1 colour and black to help separate the words of ‘YOUR MIND IS HAVING IDEA, NOT HOLDING THEM’ (green) (Frost, 2014, p.210, p.211)

When it comes to fun page layouts, he uses that basic, bold typeface and though the typography isn’t outlandish, it’s still great as it mainly serves as a building block to build creations.

The quote ‘try and avoid mistakes’, does so well at being made with personality, Vince had the words ‘try and avoid’ slowly curve and leap over mistakes, so further illustrate the idea of staying away from making errors (Frost, 2014, p.25, p.26).

I mentioned before that this book breaks rules and what I love about this page is is does that; the ‘l’ in ‘Rules’ is split apart and the ‘es’ hanging off the end of that ‘l’ is descending faster and the word’s placed randomly on the page, which really works to enhance the idea that if it looks good, you can break rules within reason (Frost, 2014, p.76, p.77).

Adding more on personifying, what’s great about the type used here is that you have giant word of ‘leap’ and the word ‘frog’ going over it. This adds so much action and energy having the actual game of ‘leap frog’ being played out by type, even having the word ‘frog’ as green (Frost, 2014, p.16, p.17

This editorial’s design and page layouts taught me that I don’t need to be complex or detailed and that I should have fun and with my layouts and express in different experiments, mess with type and always keep in mind to add some logic to my work, even if it breaks rules.

Frost, V. (2014). Design Your Life. Clayton: Penguin.

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bekicotwrites · 7 years ago

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Hey guys! Over the years I’ve sort of have my own way of taking notes, but have finally ‘settled down’ during university. Some of my friends who took a look at my notes asked about how I write them and found some useful tips after I told them about my note taking technique. If it’s useful for my uni friends, then maybe it’s also gonna be useful for more people (I hope)! By no means this style would work for everyone, but you guys are welcome to copy my method if it works for you or develop your own style after seeing mine.

I’m going to break it down to some parts, which are:

1. Basics

2. Header

3. Symbols

4. Color Coding

5. Note taking (sort of an analysis of my notes)

6. Tips

Before we get into the explanations, here’s a mock page of what my usual notes looks like (plus a mini summary if you’re too lazy to read under the cut haha). You can refer to this as you read through the explanations below.

BASICS

1. SUPPLIES

Ah yes, supplies. Can’t take notes without pens, can we? The essentials for writing notes for me is a black, blue, and red pen, a pencil/mechanical pencil + eraser, and at least 3 colored highlighters.

Here are my go to supplies when taking notes, and basically this is what’s inside my pencil case as well.

For the pens, the left to right order is:

Uni Jetstream Black 0.5

Uni Jetstream Blue 0.5

Muji Gel Ink Pen 0.38

Muji hexagon retractable gel ink pen 0.38

Uni Kurutoga Mechanical Pencil 0.5mm

Tombow Fudenosuke Soft Tip (Nayaka)

Mono Dust Catch eraser (any eraser will do actually)

For the highlighters, currently I’m using Daiso bright colors highlighters in red, green, blue, and yellow.

Grey is usually for my bujo like I rarely use it for notes... Another reason is because my current notebooks are Muji A5 notebooks, and I find that Daiso highlighters doesn’t bleed the paper like Mildliners or the pastel Stabilos.

2. LEFT COLUMN

The first thing I do whenever I have a new notebook/a new module is to always line the left side of the paper to make a column. There is no set width for this, it’s totally up to you. I usually use up around 5-6 of the little lines in Muji notebooks (or other Japanese notebooks??) for that left column.

The purpose for this section is for additional notes/vocabs that you need to add or you forgot to add when you’re making notes. By far, this is a very useful feature and I’ve been sticking with it ever since I found out about this method.

I was inspired by the collegeblocks notebook I used in Germany during my exchange year there since the small space seriously changed my life because it’s so useful lol. Then I started to buy Kokuyo pre-lined notebooks, but those are too expensive for me now because one notebook costs around $3. Loose leaf just doesn’t work for me to take to class (I only use loose leaf to make quiz flash cards or quick reviews at my dorm) because it’s not practical. Finally, the most economical decision for me was the Muji A5 notebooks pack and line them myself using a pencil.

3. SHORT, SIMPLE, POINTERS

Unless it is very necessary, do not, I repeat, do not write in paragraphs. Keep it short, simple, and in pointers. By summarizing a long passage to something you understand and/or with your own words, you also have a better understanding of the subject = another ticket to straight As.

For me, note taking isn’t the same as copying a textbook or writing what your lecturer is saying word per word. It is a tool to help you study, understand better, and to make a summary of your lecture or textbook. Your notes isn’t supposed to make you feel sleepy because you’re looking at a wall of text, but to help motivate you and understand main points better. So, I try hard to not write in long sentences or paragraphs. 3 sentences in a single point is my limit. If it’s really long, I try to break it up into pointers instead. Seeing pointers instead of long paragraphs also helps you to study because (in my opinion) it’s easier to read & review your stuff.

4. ORGANISING

I highly suggest you guys to write the date and lecturer’s name. It’s going to be handy if you want to track back your notes or to find specific topics. For me, giving dates to my notes makes it easier for me to pinpoint which subjects I learned before/after the mid-module exam (which is useful for me to make a study plan for the end of module exam.

Also, “I think that topic was covered by lecturer X, I’ll just search through their notes,” will come in handy because you could just search for notes from that certain lecturer and you don’t need to search throughout everything.

HEADER

Not going to go much into this because it’s a matter of preferences, but writing the title of your lecture is useful. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. A simple header would do the trick, written with any color you want. I write it pretty big so I can skim my notebook easier if I need to look for notes.

SYMBOLS

Now this is where it gets fun if you’re developing a note-taking system—making your own symbols and abbreviations!

It’s much easier to replace words with symbols/abbreviations because it’ll be faster to write down, which makes your note taking session more efficient. This is super useful if you have lecturers who talks really fast.

For example, writing and highlighting (highlights in bold):

• Root canal prep = achieve straight line access to apical foramen

• Use K-files in order (small --> large)

• Prep in wet environment --> irrigate + use EDTA

is in my opinion, much better than writing:

Root canal preparation is done to achieve a straight line access to the apical foramen. To prepare a root canal, use K-files in order of the smallest file to the largest file. Root canal preparation needs to be done in a wet environment. This could be achieved by irrigation and using EDTA.

You save time, save space, and it makes it easier for you to review afterwards too. Remember, keep it simple and try not to write long sentences/paragraphs.

COLOR CODING

For some people, highlighting or using different colored pens are a big no-no because it confuses them if they see too much colors. For me, color coding has saved my ass countless of times because sometimes I associate that color with stuff I need to remember for my exam. I think the important thing about color coding is how you apply that method, because you need to be smart about it. What do you think is the most important? What information is relevant? This is to prevent you highlighting all of the text in your notes, which defeats the purpose of this method.

As I said in my FAQ, I have my own highlighters colors hierarchy (??). Basically the higher the rank is, the more important that piece of information is. My highlighter ranking is red --> green --> yellow. Blue is used for vocabularies or terms.

As for the text, my main body is always in black. A kind of stupid but important (for me) reason is that black pen is the cheapest piece of stationery you could afford so you don’t need to worry about running out of ink/breaking it too much, and second is that I think it’s the most general and the most easy on the eye. Like you could (almost) never go wrong with a black pen. Additional details for me are written in blue (light blue for even more smaller details), and red is for the more important stuff.

NOTE TAKING

Now that I’ve told you about my system, here’s the part where I show you guys how all this works out in the end. I’ll give out a few examples.

Here’s my notes on endodontic materials; I took a picture of a section where I talk about endodontic sealers.

Here you can see that I highlighted the word ‘SEALER’ using orange (since I didn’t have red at that time) as it is my main topic. Then I highlighted the words ‘fill space - core - root canal walls’ and ‘use’ as they are the secondary important things inside of the main point. As for the yellow ones, it’s also derived from a main point (use of sealers), and I only highlighted the keywords instead of actual sentences, which are ‘filler, cementation, lubricant, anti-bacterial (agent)’. It’s to make it easier to read through notes and identify which stuff I need to memorize as well.

Also, you can see that the left column is also filled with more additional notes in blue and some important things in red. I’ve also used red to circle and underline some important things in the main note taking area (the right column).

Here’s a more hectic version of my notes, and this is also a good example on why the left column is very useful.

Same like the usual; use red for important stuff, blue for additional details, light blue for even more details (not as important as the ones that are written in black, though).

These notes were taken during class, and during class the lecturer might add/correct/emphasize things suddenly which is super annoying for me, but hey I’m not the one giving the lectures. For example, after you finished writing something, the lecturer explains a certain topic, finishes, starts a new topic, but tells you something important about the previous topic because they forgot/just remembered/whatever reason it is. With the left column, you could just add stuff and even put arrows if the additional information is related to the main point.

They would also babble for a long time about a single topic but going at it in a roundabout way. By identifying the main points (by writing them in short & simple sentences in pointers. Remember point no.3 in the basics section!), that means even during the lecture you’ve understood what the main topic is and summarized it (without you realizing it maybe??), what is the most important information your lecturer is trying to convey, and usually, what will be in the exam.

Writing your notes using symbols and short points is also good. That way because you take notes faster, it’ll also allow you to be able to keep up more with the fast paced talking. Because believe me the lecturer at that time was talking like a shinkansen train, it was so fast and intense, you couldn’t even think if the sentence you’re writing is gramatically correct or what your next door seatmate was asking about the lecture.

For example, in the very bottom left I wrote some notes about needles like this:

Adult = 23G

Children = 26-30G

--> the bigger the gauge

--> the thinner the needle

=> LESS PAIN

I put emphasize using capital letters and circling the word ‘gauge’ too. In long paragraphs, the notes above sort of translates to:

Adults usually use a 23G needle, while children usually use 26-30G needle. The bigger the gauge, the thinner the needle will be, which means it would produce less pain for the patient.

The first one is much simpler, right? It also makes it easier to understand because you also have less words to memorize.

OTHER TIPS

1. My motto is to always focus on functionality first, then the aesthethics. This especially goes for notes written during lectures. Like for me, dentistry school won’t grade you by how pretty your notes look, but how well you perform in exams and how well you understand your shit to the point of being able to explain them to your patients in a non-scientific way. Note taking, I think, is a skill, so if you keep doing it over and over again it still counts as practice, and you’ll get better at it. Eventually you’ll learn how to take notes more efficiently and how to pretty it up in the end.

If you want to rewrite your notes to make them prettier when the lecture is finish, go for it! But if you waste time picking highlighter colors or trying to doodle mini succulents so your notes look cute (not doodle something related to the subject. by all means do draw. I’ll get to it in a bit), try to do that later instead of during the lecture.

2. Diagrams and drawings will help. Seeing arrows, tables, venn diagrams, drawings with explanation, graphs, all of those are useful to be put in your notes. If you’re a visual person like me, seeing those is much better than seeing a wall of text. It’ll help you as well when you’re doing a review or quick reading of your notes too.

3. This method also works when trying to summarize textbooks or other texts. Instead of copying word per word, try to still make it short-simple-in pointers.

4. Write your notes for yourself and not for other people. If you understand them, that’s totally fine. It’s a way to help you study, so cater it to your needs (like a bullet journal, maybe?). Some of my classmates likes to look at my notes because it’s super simple and easy to understand for them, but some hates it so much because it’s too simple and they’re too used to reading long paragraphs of notes. Develop your own system. Use only 1 colored pen if you want (a friend of mine only uses a pink pen to write her notes. She has an endless supply of pink Zebra Sarasa pens, it seems). Use your laptop if you don’t like to write. Be yourself and have fun!

I hope this has inspired you to write more notes and to inspire you to make your own system (which I totally encourage)! If you have other note taking tips, feel free to share. Have a nice day everyone ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

#studyblr #studyspo #studyspiration #notes #studying #note taking #writing #masterpost #study masterpost #bekicot studies #bekicot talks #mine

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ethanalter · 7 years ago

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‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Postmortem: Samira Wiley Takes Us on a Tour of Jezebel’s

Elisabeth Moss as Offred in Hulu’s ‘The Handmaid’s Tale.’ (Credit: George Kraychyk/Hulu)

Warning: This post contains spoilers for the “Jezebels” episode of The Handmaid’s Tale.

Although a litany of horrors is described within its pages, The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t a conventional horror tale. There are no nightmarish monsters or masked serial killers stalking our heroine, Offred, as she navigates her daily existence in Gilead. What does place Margaret Atwood’s novel in the horror tradition, though, is the way she transforms familiar environments into alien territory. Because Gilead has been constructed on an existing world — repurposing preexisting public and private spaces instead of tearing them down and building on the bones — its citizens have to confront the eerie disconnect between the world that was and the world that is now on a daily basis.

Supermarkets where families once did their weekend shopping are now filled with Handmaids silently pushing their shopping carts through the aisles. A centuries-old wall (which Atwood has confirmed is intended to be the wall that encircles Harvard University) is used as a gallows, where dead bodies are displayed for passers-by. And, in one of the book’s most famous sections, which now forms the basis of the eighth episode of Hulu’s serialized adaptation, a blandly corporate hotel becomes an after-hours brothel named Jezebel’s where Offred comes face to face with an actual ghost from her past: Moira.

Adding to the haunted house feel in the novel is the way Atwood describes Offred’s dawning realization of the place that Jezebel’s used to be. Ushered in through the back entrance, and then escorted by the Commander through a maze of corridors, she eventually ends up in the central lobby where she observes, a “round fountain [sprays] water in the shape of a dandelion gone to seed,” and “oval-shaped glass elevators slide up and down the walls like giant mollusks.” It’s at once both the same place she knows, and a world she’s never seen — an unsettling in-between feeling that accounts for why she processes an ordinary elevator as a giant mollusk.

Samira Wiley as a pre-Gilead Moira in ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ (Photo: George Kraychyk/Hulu)

The episode’s director, Kate Dennis, can’t directly translate such beautifully creepy turns of phrase to the screen, but she does visualize Offred’s entrance into Jezebel’s in a way that evokes horror movie classics like The Shining and Carnival of Souls. Walking through hallways that grow progressively more shadowy, Offred and Fred (Elisabeth Moss and Joseph Fiennes) emerge in a dimly-lit waiting area, where she can only glimpse fragments of forbidden images through the gloom: a topless woman wearing a Handmaid’s cap, other women sporting makeup and lingerie. (The only discordant note in this hallucinatory sequence? The fact that it’s scored to Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit,” a song that’s in desperate need of a five-year moratorium.)

But those sights pale in comparison to the bigger shock awaiting her when she lays eyes on Moira (Samira Wiley) from across the lobby; the bold woman who took it upon herself to bust loose of the Red Center is now just another working girl in Jezebel’s. “I walked onto that set and felt the line between creepy and eerie,” Wiley says. “It’s sort of like a circus, and it’s kind of gross! In a good way, though. A lot of these moments in our show are meant to make people feel uncomfortable, and not hide anything that the book presents. So it was gross, but also awesome, because we’re really telling the story that was meant to be told.”

Offred and Fred (Joseph Fiennes) in Jezebel’s (Credit: George Kraychyk/Hulu)

That said, there are some subtle, but significant differences between Offred and Moira’s reunion in the series versus the novel. In both cases, Moira took a similar route to Jezebel’s, one that involved a thwarted flight out of the country and a choice between a temporary stay in the brothel or permanent exile to the colonies. As a result of that experience, the Moira that Offred encounters now is sapped of her will to fight back — the very thing that turned her into a symbol of hope for her friend. In the book, Offred tries to revive some of Moira’s steeliness as she recounts her story of escape and capture second-hand. “I’ve tried to make it sound as much like her as I can,” she says, straining to preserve some of Moira’s wry sense of humor and determination even in these tragic circumstances.

Wiley, on the other hand, doesn’t shy away from presenting Moira as a vulnerable, broken woman, which adds an added layer of fear to their reunion in the series. Not only is this hotel a place Offred no longer recognizes, her friend has changed almost beyond recognition as well. “In the book, we see Moira portrayed as such a rock; she’s immovable and determined,” Wiley explains. “Up until the end, she’s the person who is never going to give up. And that makes her someone that Offred looks up to in order to help her survive. Her memory of Moira really bolsters her. The thing that I wanted to try and explore that’s not so apparent on the page are those moments where Moira is vulnerable. Because as much as a hard-ass we want to be, we all have our breaking point. So I wanted to show moments where Moira melts, where she cannot be June’s rock.”

Wiley points to a flashback scene in the third episode, where June and Moira attend a protest rally only to be fired on by the soldiers who will soon enforce the rules of Gilead, as an early example of where the writers tried to chip away at her character’s stony exterior. “Jezebels” takes that further, with Moira melting into June’s arms, weeping, as they sit in the brothel’s overcrowded dormitory. And, in another reversal, June is the one who insists that her friend’s fight isn’t over yet. “We’re going to find a way to get you out of here,” she says, pointing to Luke as an example of a successful escape. (That’s more courage than she can muster than in the book, where her only encouragement is a half-hearted: “You don’t mean that.”) “This may not be how people instinctively think about [Moira’s] character,” Wiley says. “She’s definitely broken, and to see her in a position of defeat is unfamiliar. But there are still glimmers of who she is at her core. I wanted to make sure that I got all of Moira in that scene, and I hope I did a good job walking that line.”

Adding further resonance to the Jezebel’s section in the novel is the fact that Offred tells us she never sees Moira again after their clandestine reunion. But Wiley reveals that this isn’t her last episode, which does blunt some of the emotional impact their encounter carries on the page. “There’s a lot of things in the book that, as an actor, I question about why we’re making that choice — what does it give us to change that,” Wiley admits. “And over and over again, the writers explain it to me in a way that makes complete sense. We’re making an adaptation for television, and TV is about having a heightened portrayal of the story. In the beginning, there was a part of me that thought maybe [that choice] took something away, but now I see how much it adds. In the book, we see the whole story from Offred’s perspective. [In the show], we’re taking advantage of all these wonderful actresses who are so amazing and use their talent in ways we never saw before.”

Wiley also trusts the writers to decide whether or not they want to explicitly address a subject that’s flown under the radar all season long: whether any existing racial prejudices have found their way into the brave new world of Gilead. In Atwood’s original telling, the republic’s founders rid their community of other races, exiling them to certain death in the wastelands of the colonies. But series creator Bruce Miller made the conscious choice to make this version of Gilead a more inclusive society, operating under the assumption that a fertility crisis would give people cause to set old hatreds aside. Strangely enough, the lack of any pronounced racism within Gilead is the one utopian aspect of what’s otherwise one of TV’s most vividly realized dystopias.

At the same time, it’s hard to imagine that racism has been completely purged from this world, and a place like Jezebel’s — where men are invited to act out their darkest fantasies — would seem a place where it would rear its ugly head. “It’s not something that has been explored so far,” Wiley says. “But I do think the opportunity is there because of the choices Bruce has made. [The show] is reflecting a world we live in today; you can’t really escape the diverse world we live in, and to portray that in a dystopia is a very interesting choice. What’s most important in this world is continuing the human race. That trumps every single other thing.” (Let’s also not forget that, in the bigger picture, Gilead’s embrace of multiculturalism allows Miller to cast such terrific actors as Wiley and O-T Fagbenle, who wouldn’t have had the chance to be part of the ensemble in a more traditional adaptation of the book. Speaking with Yahoo TV last week, Fagbenle echoed Wiley’s sentiments that the show’s inclusiveness is more reflective of the modern world, while also adding, “Oftentimes, these prejudices are underlined and do find their way to the surface.”)

Moira and Offred in ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ (Photo: George Kraychyk/Hulu)

With two episodes left before the end of the first season, Wiley advises viewers to keep an eye on how the ramifications of June’s eerie first visit to Jezebel’s reverberate for all the characters, including Moira. “This encounter makes her see how much she needs to double down and live in this world without resistance,” the actress teases. “Up until now, she’s retained the essence of who she is, but in the next episode, she’s sort of made a complete transition.” Even as the bond between these two women strains, it never breaks. “There are so many people I met in college who are some of my best friends today,” Wiley says of the real-life analogues she draws on to depict June and Moira’s sisterhood. “What we went through in those years, becoming adults, we did that together. College is where June and Moira first met, and they bonded in a way that they’ve been each other’s rocks. Moira is strong in her convictions, and it takes a special person to be able to be by her side.”‘

The Handmaid’s Tale releases new episodes every Wednesday on Hulu.

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Read more from Yahoo TV: Summer TV Preview: The Scoop on 21 New Shows Summer TV Preview: What’s Next For 17 Returning Shows Kathy Griffin’s Offensive Trump Photo and the Fox News Snowflakes

#The Handmaids Tale #samira wiley #_revsp:wp.yahoo.tv.us #Hulu #_author:Ethan Alter #_uuid:9d597583-1d59-3cd5-ae38-8352b4c17c9b #_lmsid:a0Vd000000AE7lXEAT

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