#me from last year would be shaking crying sobbing bc of harp class

[sleepinginmygrave]

harp class today !! :D

[iloveroadhog]

(THE USER SUBMITTING THIS ASKED ME TO LEAVE THIS ANONYMOUS, SO I’M REPOSTING IT!)

REPOSTED MESSAGE IS BELOW, UNDER THE READMORE

WARNING FOR: PARENTAL ABUSE, GASLIGHTING AND PARENTAL NEGLECT OF THEIR CHILD’S MENTAL/PHYSICAL WELLBEING.

I’M GLAD YOU FINALLY MADE THE DECISION TO GO ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND GET AWAY FROM THE TOXICITY, LOVEY!!! IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO STAND UP AND MAKE THAT KIND OF CHOICE AND I’M BEHIND YOU 100%!!!

BEING PREPARED AND MAKING SURE YOU’RE READY AND COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TAKE THAT LEAP IS IMPORTANT, TOO. BUT I PROMISE, GETTIN AWAY FROM TOXIC PARENTS ISN’T AS SCARY AS THEY MAKE IT OUT TO BE

I’M FLATTERED THAT I WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU TOLD ABOUT THIS!!! IT MEANS A LOT TO HEAR THAT. I HOPE THE LEGAL PAPERWORK IS SORTED OUT QUICKLY AND SIMPLY!!!! GOOD LUCK LOVEY, I’M CHEERIN YOU ON!!

So uh, I’m very neurodivergent and pansexual and nonbinary (oh my!) and have been in a v psychologically and emotionally abusive familial situation for years now. My friend had been bringing up the legal process of emancipation (me becoming my own legal guardian) for a while, and their family has even offered to help me out with it (financially and giving me a place to stay). Well, I had been on the fence about it up until this past week. Last night was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I had dissociated really badly two days before; I apparently was able to realize I was dissociating and sent messages to my friend about it, I drew and wrote my thoughts/what I was able to process in my sketchbook, and while my friend was at school and not responding I messaged another v nice tumblr user on anon asking for validation/a reminder that I was real human being. That was the same day as my maternal unit’s birthday. I came home still dissociating and entirely unreceptive to touch. I only barely remember typing the message to the tumblr user and then coming back to full consciousness laying on my bed in my underwear (I think I undressed myself, my maternal unit said nothing about having to undress me). Luckily I didn’t really do anything major that I know of, and I was conscious enough that I was able to grab all of my things before leaving school (including the assignments I was unable to do during my last class), but I was unable to get my maternal unit anything for her birthday, including a card. The next day I stayed home bc the maternal unit and I both slept through our alarms and ended up playing video games all day while she was out shopping. When she came home we got into a smaller fight (she tried to use the fact that she drove me around to buy a video game earlier in the week as an excuse to talk to me really shitty-like and I forgot to take my medicine that helps me stay calm so I snapped back and called her out on it and she really didn’t like that), so by Saturday (chore day) tensions were already high. I got up in a decent enough mood, my legs weren’t bothering me yet (we have a family history of severe leg pains, and yes this is important) so I was listening to music and moving around a bit (I’m autistic and dancing and pacing are two of my stims). Later on though, (I don’t know if it’s the weather or what) as I get ready to start my chores, my depression and the leg pains start up. Horribly. My legs (and the rest of me) start shaking and I’m worried they’re going to collapse out from under me, but I try to power through it. All the while, the rest of the house is being loud and overstimulating so I take my phone and start to vent to my friend about it. My maternal unit did not like this, apparently, as she snapped at me about it, but I was able to hold my tongue and not say anything. I went back to my work, but my maternal unit was in such a mood that she ended up asking me for my broom and sweeping one of the rooms for me because she got tired of waiting. This all wouldn’t be so bad if she had just been nicer to me about it. I tried my damnedest to go on about my day and work like I usually do, but by the time I had almost finished my sweeping I felt like I was gonna collapse, so I sat down to take a breather and talk to my friend about it. My maternal unit began to shout at me from the next room for taking too long, I (angrily) got up and finished my work and then left, hoping for a proper breather on the couch before I had to start my next jobs (which involved handling breakable things, something I did not trust myself to do with my legs and hands as unsteady as they were). My maternal unit called me in to help her with taking down the Christmas tree, something which I knew would be awful considering the shape I was in, but I still tried, becoming frustrated with myself and her to the point of tears and just having to leave without a word to go calm down. I eventually had to come back and help more, almost sending myself sprawling as I tripped right in front of her, but she really didn’t acknowledge it past a flippant question about whether or not I was okay, so I finished doing what she asked me to with the tree and went back to hopefully get a few minutes of rest. Apparently this upset my maternal unit as she’d hoped I would do more, and even after I finally explained what was going on with me she continued to tell me to suck it up and deal with it, regardless of how shaky I was, even going so far as to start gaslighting me about the pain (“you’ve never mentioned this before”, “convenient how this comes up when I need you to do something”, “you were just fine earlier when you were pacing and dancing around and shit”). I have told her about the pain before, and was even hospitalized for several days when I was very young bc it made me collapse, so I know she’s trying to bullshit me. She continued this throughout the rest of the night, harping on me for my half-assed attempt at dusting (I lifted as few things as possible bc I was so worried about dropping or breaking it) and when she was angry about the way the plastic containers and lids were arranged in the cabinet after I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher she proceeded to throw them across the kitchen floor. She made very pointed passive-aggressive remarks about everything I did and when I finally ate and decided to go to bed (after venting play-by-play about everything to my friend and reassuring them I didn’t need them to call the mobile crisis hotline), she demanded entry to my room and then proceeded to berate and gaslight me all to hell as I sobbed and tried to defend myself the best I could through a panic attack and hyperventilating. She finally left, slamming my door behind her (I rushed to lock it after I was sure she had left) and I ended up crying and reading fanfics about you and Roadhog until I could calm down. The one thing that stuck with me about that fight was what she said after I confessed how she made me feel like I was never good enough. “Well maybe you ought to find a different place to live.” Well, now I am. That was the decisive factor. I’m talking to my therapist on Wednesday about it, and afterwards my friend, their mom and I are going to start the legal process of emancipation. I just wanted to tell somebody outside of all of this about it and you were the first person I thought of. You and Roadhog and Anahera take care, okay? And wish me luck in all this legal shit, bc I know I’m gonna need it!

P.S. to the followers reading this: you don’t have to deal with this from anyone, including your own families! Please, if you need anyone to talk to, there are Mobile Crisis hotlines that send people to your location to talk to you and deescalate the situation! They are not legally required to talk to your parent or guardian, and they can and will take you out of the situation if they feel you are in significant danger! Don’t hesitate to do it like I did guys!