iloveroadhog

[iloveroadhog]

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[iloveroadhog]

hey jrat!! how goes it?? been busy??

EVENIN!IT GOES WELL. MOSTLY BUSY RUNNIN AROUND AND PERFORMING THE USUAL COMPLETELY LEGAL AND NOT AT ALL CRIMINAL ACTIVITIESI SLEEP WITH BLANKETS WITHOUT HOLES IN EM NOW IMAGINE THAT

[iloveroadhog]

GOOGLE SEARCH DO OMNICS KNOW HOW TO FUCKING SHARE

GOOGLE SEARCH DO OMNICS SLEEP

[iloveroadhog]

GOOGLE SEARCH DO OMNICS SLEEP

[iloveroadhog]

THESE ARE ALL LIES BECAUSE WHOEVER THIS JUNKRAT GUY IS IS TOO OUTSTANDING OF A GENTLEMAN TO STEAL AND ALSO CAN I HAVE ONE FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES PLEASE

A list of ways Junkrat has tried to steal one of my orbs:

While meditating by the cliffs this morning, he crept up behind me and took an orb from its orbit. I let him get nearly back to the base before I recalled it.

Unfortunately, he did not manage to let go of the orb in time, so I ended up accidentally dislocating his shoulder. He became Dr. Ziegler and I’s first patient for the day. In addition to the dislocated shoulder, we found:

1 small cut on his chin

3 large abrasions on his hip, shoulder, and knee (from being dragged five feet across the ground before he finally clued in and let go of the orb)

1 mysterious bruise

8 miscellaneous burns

He tried to snatch an orb on his way out, but this time, I stared him down until he released it.

While I was preparing Dr. Ziegler’s lunch, Junkrat tried to pick-pocket an orb while walking past. I waited until I was leaving the kitchen before I recalled it, the orb rocketting out of his pocket and toppling him over in his chair.

After he picked himself up, he tried a dash and grab, but tripped over his own bootlaces before he made it three steps.

Let it never be said that Junkrat is not clever: just around 3pm, he realized that if he draped himself across my back and distracted me with cute animal pictures, I would be completely vulnerable.

He very nearly got away with it, but Dr. Ziegler pointed out that how odd it was for Junkrat to behave that way towards me. I had to chase him all the way to the engineering workshop, and tackled him through the doorway, but I was able to successfully retrieve my orb.

Junkrat had to return to the infirmary because he cracked his head rather hard and I worried about a concussion. His head was fine, but we found more scrapes, bruises, and minor burns.

Dinner arrives. Junkrat tries to replace an orb with an apple, but Hana sees him. Soon, everyone is sticking random objects into my orbit. This lasts past dinner and continues until Torbjorn storms in demanding to know where his scrap metal is. It is in my orbit, along with:

several spoons

a coffee mug

the apple

a bag of D.Ritos

Snowball

Genji’s faceplate and several shurikens

an entire case (unopened) case of Mt. Dew

five grenades

twelve rainbow colored gel pens

a cellular phone

Hanzo’s hair ribbon

Hanzo’s arrows and the quiver (separate)

four Pachimari keychains

and one very confused and unhappy Ganymede

Reinhardt grabbed Torbjorn and tried to add him to the cloud, but I told him that it was either one angry dwarf, or many small objects, but not both.

They chose one angry dwarf.

I am so sorry, Torbjorn. I should not have laughed, but I did.

Junkrat tried to take an orb while Torbjorn was floating in angry circles around me, but Lena caught him and made him give it back.

There is still time tonight that he might yet try again, but it is getting later, and there are now several people in the room with me, so hopefully he will give it a rest. He looks very absorbed in a Rubik’s cube at the moment.

[iloveroadhog]

Why are you and Roadhog so damn perfect,,

CUZ WE’RE CHARMING N HANDSOME AND WE GOT NICE QUALITIES AND ALSO WE CAN FART AROUND EACHOTHER WITHOUT FEELING EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT

[iloveroadhog]

MATCHING ICONS FOR YOU AND YOUR BIG PIG

[iloveroadhog]

GIFTS FROM YOURS TRULY

[iloveroadhog]

HEY. SO IT'S THAT DAY FOR MUMS N SUCH. BUT THERE ARE SOME FOLKS OUT THERE (ME INCLUDED) THAT DON'T GOT MUMS TO SPEAK OF. OR WE GOT MUMS THAT AIN'T WORTH CELEBRATIN AND IF THATS THE CASE, I'M YOUR MUM NOW. I'M TECHNICALLY YOUR DAD BUT NOW I'M ALSO YOUR MUM. EAT YOUR BREKKIE AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE AND WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS I LOVE YA

[iloveroadhog]

ONE OF THOSE MOODS.

[iloveroadhog]

HI HOW’RE YOU

[iloveroadhog]

what kind of kisses does roadhog do? Big ones, little soft ones, all kinds?

SNOUT KISSES, MOUTH KISSES (A JUNKRAT-ONLY EXCLUSIVE I’M AFRAID) SLEEPY ONES, EXCITED ONES, ONES THATRE MOSTLY TEETH, ONES THAT MAKE YOUR GUTS FEEL ALL SCREWY

LIKE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED WE’D BE HERE FOR DAYS

[iloveroadhog]

ALSO I’M STILL JUST AS GAY AS I WAS BEFORE IF NOT GAYER THANKS FOR ASKING

[iloveroadhog]

i dont recall if I ever asked but how did you two meet?

OHHHH SEE THIS IS WHERE ME BUGGY MEMORY KICKS ME RIGHT IN THE PANTS

IF I’M RECALLIN IT RIGHT I RIGGED HIS BIKE WITH BOMBS AND ASKED HIM TO BE MY BODYGUARD OR I’D BLOW IT SKY HIGH (CUZ THAT’S HOW FORMAL BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS OCCUR IN JUNKERTOWN, NATURALLY)

AND THEN I OFFERED TO PAY HIM AND HE WAS A LOT MORE ENTHUSIASTIC

[iloveroadhog]

on average how many times a day d you smootch the hog

THIS HAS A LOT OF VARIABLES BECAUSE I BLOW KISSES AT HIM EVERY THIRTY SECONDS OR SO. WE COULD BE IN THE HUNDREDS. WE’D BE HERE ALL DAY MATE

[iloveroadhog]

I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP I THINK BUT I’M THE ONE THAT MAKES THE RULES WHO UP CLICK LIKE

[iloveroadhog]

OKAY I THINK WE’RE BACK IN BUSINESS. IS THIS THING ON. ARE YOU READIN THESE WORDS. HI