#me being >:( at lego for a whole 8 paragraphs

[licoricecrypt]

aight here it is for the 2 ppl who asked to read it

before you read it just know i mean NO hate towards ninjago i own a few of the sets and have watched every single episode im just >:( at the way lego is handling things 

EDIT: there is an iron fan minifigure i am a fool but theres still no tang 

Lego is quite a well known successful company, correct? I’m here today to say that two high schoolers talking in a discord DM were discussing potential marketing ideas that would very likely work far better than any recent choice the company has made regarding their themes as well as their original animated series’. We also spoke about several problems with their advertising and set problems only to name a few of the many issues that we talked about, which is why I’m going to be writing about the main glaring flaws that we spoke about. 

So the first major problem would be the Ninjago problem. Ninjago: master of spinjitzu has been a popular theme for quite some time now since the original shorts were first released in early 2011. While it has been quite a success for Lego it’s also bound to be part of their downfall, the show has been airing for 12 seasons, soon to be 13, which has been the cause of the death for quite a few other themes. One example would be Nexo Knights, this show had a similar animation style to ninjago along with a color coded cast of characters with a fairly simple premise with a plot that began to get more in depth with the lore of the universe as the seasons passed. Nexo Knights however was never able to make it past it’s 4th season due to Ninjago’s popularity taking away from it. Nexo Knights had gotten sets for it’s 5th season as well as a trailer, but the 5th season was cancelled while still in production, seemingly late in production due to trailers and sets already being released. But why would it be cancelled so late into its production? When it would likely have been a better choice to finish up and release it instead of wasting all that money on the sets and the show. This also happened with Legends of Chima and the Bionicle series, two themes that were snuffed out by Ninjago’s fame and eventually were forgotten by most everyone. Lego keeps trying to start new themes that all will eventually be killed by Ninjago and it’s popularity, the best option would be to simply end the show. Ninjago has had a great run and is a staple in many people’s lives and childhoods but all good things must come to an end, and in the end this show falling might be the only way to have any other themes succeed. 

The best idea I have for Ninjago’s end would be to finish production on season 13, but for season 14 give us an actual ending. Give Garmadon his final redemption and even bring back the overlord for one final battle with all of the characters at the end of it all. Use the original theme song and just give the fans what they want. Lego doesn’t need to take the sets off of shelves or retire the theme until they stop making money off of it, they could even do a final wave and make more Ninjago Legacy sets. That way they would be able to make new sets that fans will certainly like while giving the other original series a chance to succeed. 

One of the themes that has recently been introduced is Monkie kid, this theme is fairly new at the time but is set up for failure, Lego has been giving us hardly any information on the actual content’s wide release as well as having all of the sets be incredibly expensive. This is a bad idea for so many reasons, not only will this drive genuine fans away from buying more than one set but it will also drive away any parents of kids who enjoy the content. What person would opt to buy something that’s $45 instead of one of the much cheaper other sets from a different theme. They’re only setting this new theme up for failure by doing this. Another thing about these sets is that two of the major characters aren’t included in any of the eight current sets, these two characters that happen to be fan favorites. Many fans of the themes with animated content only tend to buy the sets with their favorite character for the minifigure alone, excluding these characters is only hurting this theme’s sales. While no Lego wouldn’t have known about these characters being favorites among fans before the release, why would you leave two major characters out in the first place. 

Another big problem among Lego’s animated series would be the release dates, or lack thereof. Lego tends to be fairly quiet when it comes to announcing when their shows will be released as well as releasing them everywhere but where Lego is based. A prime example is Ninjago. Lego will air the new seasons in places outside of where the main community of fans are months before the season will release in those places. This causes fans to pirate the show, which only hurts the ratings and view time of the official release. For the show that seems to make Lego the most money they sure don’t seem to care much about it. The best course of action would be to have all versions be released at the same time, with a set release date that would be revealed soon after the first trailer is dropped. This would make sure people know when and where it’ll be released. 

Another issue with the newer themes is the amount of vehicles. There are so many jets, mechs, cars, and bikes in the newer sets, which is honestly really confusing considering that the location based sets always look so much nicer that the vehicle ones. For example the Hidden Side and Unikitty! themes have so much of a nicer look not just on a display but also just the individual sets, both of these themes are mostly location/landscape based with most of their sets, while yes they of course do have vehicles this doesn’t make up the majority of their sets. Both of these themes look far nicer and likely would be doing so much better if Lego actually advertised for either of these themes instead of letting them remain in the shadows and cancelling unikitty not that long ago. 

One idea for an original theme that would likely do a very good job even without a movie or series would be to just do a Legacy theme, this theme would bring back many of the original themes that people who are now adults grew up with. People have been asking for something like this for quite some time now and I’m not sure why Lego hasn’t listened to the demand yet. This theme would bring back a lot of old fans back into lego or introduce new fans to something they never got to experience. One of the biggest themes that people have been asking for would be the space theme, this was teased back in the original lego movie with a few sets being centered around it with the character these sets were centered around having a few references to things that only people who owned the original sets would get. It would be a really good choice to bring back not only the space theme but a few of the other old themes to bring back old fans as well as bring in some new ones. 

In conclusion Lego needs to step up and make some better choices for their advertising, set design, and how they treat their themes if they want any of their properties to succeed, as well as just making some decisions as a whole considering the fact that 2 kids managed to come up with these ideas and point out a lot of really glaring flaws that apparently Lego can’t manage to see. So Lego if you’d like to come forth and start making some good choices and be an actually competent company who knows what they’re doing then prove it.

[vedj-f-bekuesu]

I Review Lego Characters

I decided, for fun, I would review characters from various features and other bits I’ve seen in my research to more Lego brands. The brands in question have a heavier focus on non-toy media in this case, to narrow it down a bit. Because why not do that. This selection is grouped as the City folk aka any brand which is either focused explicitly around Lego City or could be argued to be heavily stemmed from it. For these characters, the following media pieces were looked at; Jack Stone, The Adventures of Clutch Powers, Lego CIty Undercover, Lego City Undercover: The Chase Begins, The Lego Movie and The Lego Movie 2. 

I don’t have a specific way of giving characters ranks, I just go with what my instincts say. They give a gist of where they stand in my fondness for characters anyway. 

And now for the big block of paragraphs; 

Jack Stone - OG, he doesn’t have any daddy issues or love issues he’s just a good man who wants to use his creativity to help, boy scout probs, would protect. 7/10

Clutch Powers - Miner explorer dork who varies between stepping up as a respectable leader and being an excitable jokey buttmonkey, major daddy issues, gave us the perfect reaction shot to witnessing an unfortunate fetish victim. 8/10

Peg Mooring - Started out like the typical stereotyped action girl, got better as the film went on, takes attacks from dragons like a boss. 5/10

Brick Masterson - HAAAAAAAAAAATE. 1/10

Bernie Von Beam - People think he’s just comic relief when he’s the closest to a normal man who just wants to do his job, takes dismemberment pretty well, just want to give him a hug. 8/10

Skelly and Bones - Goddamn they’re funny. 9/10

Mallock -  Non-entity of a villain. 2/10

Chase McCain - Spends quite a bit of time being a cocky shitheel who also happens to be quite fun, would probably do crime if pushed, still somehow a dork who whines and gets trashed a lot, a bit on the dumb side, love not his strong suit. 8/10

Frank Honey - Precious baby, perfect comic relief. 10/10

Natalia Kowalski - Favourite of the love interests, she’s bitchy to the protagonist but it’s 100% warranted so it’s cool, neat character even outside of that dynamic. 7/10

Ellie Phillips - Pretty sweet even if she is mostly exposition and the tutorial person, southern drawl on point. 6/10

Chief Dunby - Basically just a typical angry police chief, he’s more plot key than character so this is forgivable. Gets pretty evil in Chase Begins though. 4/10

Rex Fury - Surprisingly pretty badass, could be in the running for most competent Rex even without raptors, still pretty fun, lacked a lot of screentime in LCU, devs realised this and made Chase Begins in response (which came out one month after the origin--wait, what kind of business decision is that???). 7/10

Emmet Brickowski - First film has him more balanced between typical “masculine” traits and cuter aspects, but generally came off as a more generic protagonist, second film pushes him as being more like Frank, and that is not a wrong choice, would hug. 7/10

Lucy aka Wyldstyle - Really generic in the first film, even bordering on dislike to be honest, the sequel allowing her more expressions and deconstructing her character as a whole did good stuff for her. 6/10

Unikitty - Two moods; “Is it working? Yay!” or “IT WAS PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT RAISINS”, TV show version looks and sounds weird but doesn’t count for this ranking. 9/10

Benny the Spaceman - Is most interesting outside of spaceships, first demonstration of master breaking so must be a badass, SPACESHIP. 8/10

Metalbeard - Badass pirate man, the Lego version of the energizer bunny, having so many facets elevates him up despite being relatively downplayed, will one day make the pirate spaceship that should exist. 8/10

Batman - Ehhhh, not a superhero fan (MCU can get fucked), generally comes off pretty much just there, does get some of the best moments though. 5/10

Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi - Can slay me whenever, can’t say no to such a fun and bombastic character. 7/10

General Sweet Mayhem - Ends up being thrown to the side despite the prominence in marketing, she’s mostly just there, great dance moves. 5/10

Good Cop/Bad Cop - Don’t particularly like them that much to be honest, way overhyped for what was presented, Liam Neeson probably a boost at the time. 4/10

President Business - Most of his persona leaned hard into a stereotype but had fun with it, interesting implications both in-universe and on meta level pushes his character up. 7/10

Rex Dangervest - Cute man is broken into a nasty shitheel with dudebro arrogance out the wazoo, reptile themed. 10/10. 

And that’s it for all the major city stuff (even if it does stretch the definition of city when you have aliens from another galaxy in there). Not sure if I might do a separate thing for the more fantasy-related brands (eg Ninjago, Nexo Knights, Legends of Chima etc). 

Also if I do Ninjago any analysis would be movie only. I was exposed to that first and I’m not sitting through ten seasons of show just for like three sentences per character. 

[isolated-loser]

Log 0015, 5:25am, 16/4/2019

So, DMing went well, I think anyway. Everyone said they had fun, and we finish everything off in one session. So, my goals were met. It was really fun to. I got to do a bunch of stupid voices, which was fun as hell. The campaign was set on this steampunk pillar in constant night with like a big clock tower in the center, like 25-30% of the populous were vampires. & like the big bad was a psychotic vampire with teal hair, robotic arms, and a skill with machinery. He like kidnapped the players, to like set up against his puppets, which were robots with human meat covering them.

I set up 1 encounter where the player went underground, well undermetal, cuss the ground was made of metal, but whateves, and a bunch of creep robotic doll spiders, would swarm them. Cuss like creep robotic doll spiders, are obviously going to attack, cuss like there creep. So, when the players killed some other of the spider dolls were supposed to start crying over their lost bother. Just to like fuck with the players. & I expected Lego to be the one to start the attacking but it was actually Tuck, which I didn’t expect, lel. I’m probably going to do some more DMing in the future, but not for the league, at least right now.

My Social Studies HiSET test went well. I actually got a 15, which is highest mark, I’ve gotten on any of my HiSETs so far. My math was a 14. Reading was a 13. Language was an 8, with a 2 in essay portion. -.- Ahggg, I don’t want to have to take that test again. Not like, I have a real choice in the matter. //cri~ Idk, I’ll figure it out, probable.

At 4:30 tomorrow, well today cuss it past mid night, I have my sciences test, not worried about that, at all, might actually be fun. Like, probably not, but maybe, science is fun, but tests aren’t. Like, really. Every one of these tests have sucked, all sorts of negative emotions. I wanted to cry during all of them, plus that anger. Especially during the Social Studies/Language tests.   Social Studies, mainly because, having to think about this godforsaken Country in any capacity, pisses me off to no end. & Language because, I’m given 2 hours for the test, 60 questions plus and essay. So, if I only take, 1 minute for each question. I’ll have an hour for the essay, an hour to form an opinion, and write a 5 paragraph essay on it. And then they give you on the most hollow of topics, with no resources, other than 10 EMPTY paragraphs of bullshit content. Like I mean the writers of these nightmares should be shot for how uninspired and baseless they are. Like, shit they physically hurt to read. This era of standardize testing, is complete and odder bullshit. All it’s broth is a bunch of stressed out suicidal children.

I’ve been playing Vampire: Bloodlines the Masquerade, lately in preparation for when the new one comes out. Excite.exe I want to have played it through with all the clans, by the time Vampire: Bloodlines the Masquerade 2 has come out. I’m starting with Tremere, cuss like vampire plus mage of some sort, equals awesome. I would’ve started with Malkavian, if it I hadn’t watched 2 let’s plays with it. Note, the let’s plays were by Gopher and Cry. It’s been pretty swish thus far, I mean what’s not to love, there are vampires, constant city night aesthetic, murder, & those old graphics.

I’ve been putting some steroid cream; I had from back when my eczema was really bad, on my acne, I feel like it’s helped some, like my skin feels a bit smother where it’s really damaged, and it helps a lot with redness. Though, I know I need to be really careful and not use it a whole lot, cuss it could thicken my skin? I don’t really know what that could mean, but when I read about steroid creams being used as an acne treatment a couple of years ago that was a complaint, one woman had. I didn’t read much on it though. I was on that site for backing soda/ Hydrogen peroxide, note don’t fucking use that shit on your skin, it will damaged the fucking hell out of it. I really fucked my skin up from that.

So, Thursday, I saw a little bit of Crush-kun’s chest, And like o/////o. Gods this dude sets my nerves on fire. He was acting all adorable too. I just… Like, he’s too old for me. I’m pretty sure he’s mid to late 20s. I know he went to high school with Law-biter, who’s 29, but I don’t know if they were the same year or not. I know he’s still in colleges, but that don’t mean shit. If I didn’t know any better I’d think the dude put a spell on me, & I don’t know any better, that shit possible I guess… Damn my brains a bitch who love fucking with me.

The new season of The Chilling Tales of Sabrina is pretty good; at least I like it so far. I’m on like episode 4, I think. It makes me feel witchy. I fucking love shows about witches, I need some more show about witches, like really, comedies, dramas, a fucking documentary. I just love content on witches and witchcraft.

So, I’m about to start playing in a 3.5 game of DND, run by Lego. I’m a bit apprehensive honestly. I feel like it’s going to be harder and I don’t know if Lego’s going to be a hard ass DM, he certainly has the propensity for it being a rules lawyer and all, but he’s also not really an asshole. So, idk. We’re making characters Thursday. I don’t really know what I want to play ether. Agghhhh…

I need to tack some picks of la draw to get on DA. Gods I keep meaning to do that and it doesn’t happen. It’s like that with so many things…

 Signing Off…

Favorite song today:  Changed My Mind – Todrick Hall

Mood: Average

[rousingloki]

Thoughts: Nintendo VR

 Oh Nintendo, you really have outdone yourselves.

So on my last “Thoughts” topic, I explored what Nintendo has done to keep its identity of Nintendo, and how Nintendo has managed to keep it’s core philosophy alive, and to pass on the dream of Mr. Iwata in keeping games affordable, accessible, and most importantly, fun. I mentioned that I noticed all this with Nintendo Labo, and the upcoming VR kit, and it’s that VR kit that I’d like to talk to you all about.

(Note, if you want to start a discussion about this, I more than welcome it, because discussions about this sort of topic are always great to listen to. I think it’s very important to hear other perspectives, and what other people have to say. With that in mind, however; please try not to start a flame war, or attacking other people’s opinions, I did say discuss, not argue. Thanks)

So before I get into the Labo, let’s look back on a little history. Nintendo has been involved with VR, or the realm of 3D gameplay multiple times. It started back with the Famicom, with a device called: Famicom 3D System. (If you don’t care for the history portion just skip ahead 5 paragraphs)

This pair of goggles basically allowed you to have the game right in front of your face, not really making it Virtual Reality, but it was a start I suppose. To compare it to anything, would be Sega’s Segascope 3D glasses. The system was a colossal failure, and only compatible with about 7 games. It would be about 8 years before Nintendo threw their hat into the ring with another Virtual Reality project.

Skip ahead to 1995. Nintendo was dominating the 16-bit market, with their Super Nintendo Entertainment System (Or Super Famicom if you’re from Japan), and they had complete control of the handheld market with the Gameboy. Nintendo wanted an edge though, to fill a gap before the release of the Nintendo 64. Thus was born, the Virtual Boy. (Then known as VR32)

The Virtual Boy was sold as a Virtual Reality console, and it also was deemed part of Nintendo’s “Portable” line of gaming. Most use that term very loosely though because even I, someone who had a Virtual Boy as a kid, could not see this thing as anything being even close to portable. The Virtual Boy also did not boast real Virtual Reality, what it did have, was 3D screening. Using Stereoscope technology, it tricked your eyes into thinking you were seeing true 3D, which worked, but it didn’t have anything like head tracking, and the constant red and black colors, mixed with having your eyes so close to the poor screen meant eye strain, and headaches.

In the end, the Virtual Boy was a catastrophic failure from the start. It was discontinued less than a year after it was released, with only 22 games ever made for it. The Virtual Boy does have a legacy however; and that legacy was picked up in 2011, by the Nintendo 3DS.

The Nintendo 3DS was everything the Virtual Boy wasn’t: Fun. Not only did games happen for console, but it met the many goals that the Virtual Boy didn’t meet: It was portable, had better 3D, was a social console, and had an excellent line of video games made for it. The 3DS still continues today, and even though it’s hard to say if it’s gonna stick around much longer due to the domination of the Switch, the 3DS is an excellent handheld, and loved by many. Although the one thing it didn’t fulfill, was a VR type experience, which brings us to today...

The Nintendo Labo VR Kit.

Being the first “VR” style platform Nintendo has attempted in 24 years, Nintendo is bringing VR to it’s beloved platform: The Nintendo Switch.

Where to begin with this... I guess I’ll just give my first impressions based on all the pics and videos I’ve seen so far. (Here’s a link to the video Nintendo posted on it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOjcbdAU5Gw&t=2s)

So from just the announcement, before a video was even in place, I was immediately excited. I’ve bought every single Labo kit before this, and each one has not disappointed. As someone who’s involved very deeply with STEM, this type of kit is perfect for those looking to get interested in that sort of field, while also having fun, and learning at the same time. I don’t look at the VR as a plaything in the traditional sense, while I do want to have some fun with it, and see what direction Nintendo is taking with it, I’m mostly interested in how everything works, and why everything works about it.

(This is why I will die alone)

When it comes to the games, they’re honestly the least interesting part of the whole experience. While some games (e.g. Piano Studio in the Variety Kit, Adventure in the Vehicle Kit) do have some pull and keep me a bit more interested, the most fun part I’ve had is building them. Anyone who’s played with Lego’s, Bionicle, Gundams, or anything that requires any sort of building, and enjoys that aspect the most, would be absolutely delighted by how satisfying it is to see these creations come to life with each sheet of cardboard.

And once you’ve built them, even if the game doesn’t stay interesting for very long, there’s something very exciting about seeing the Labo work once you start playing the game. The actual reeling in of a fish on the fishing rod, listening to it actually make sounds was something that made me act like a 6 year old kid going fishing with my dad for the first time.

Once you’ve built, and played with the Toy-Cons, you can learn everything there is to know about them.

Ranging from just learning about the Nintendo Switch Hardware on its own, from the Screen to the Joy-Cons, to the actual Labo creations themselves. You can see how the games work, how the Nintendo Switch system is involved, and some general knowledge like fixing the labos is included here as well. As well as how to make your Labo your own, giving customization tips, and what NOT to do if you want to preserve the life of your Labo.

Of course once you’ve learned everything, you can open up the Toy-Con Garage and make your own creations, make your own Labo’s to play with, now that you have the knowledge and tools to make them. It’s what makes the Labo near infinitely re-playable. Ranging from simple games, to instruments, if you have the imagination, I’m sure you can find a way to build it.

After having said all that, let’s get back into the VR kit itself. The VR Kit comes in two different flavors: One with just the Goggles and Blaster, and the other has everything else. Because I’m getting the latter (And will be reviewing it so stay tuned) let’s talk about that one. The Labo comes with 6 different Toy-Con creations: The Goggles, Wind Pedal, Blaster, Bird, Elephant, and Camera.

If we were to go through each one of these, we’d be here forever (Plus I said I’m gonna review it next week, so we’ll do that there) so I’m just gonna say what I feel about the kit as a whole. I absolutely love it. The whole idea of the thing is just fantastic. Not only does it introduce VR at a more affordable yet still fun level, it introduces it to a younger audience, those who are too young to be able to use actual VR systems that were designed with an older audience in mind.

Sure the games look simple, but like I said it’s the experience as a whole, from building the labo, to trying it out, to learning how everything works that makes everything count in the end. Like I said, as someone who’s worked extensively in the STEM field, I’m absolutely delighted to see something like this. It takes the limitations of the switch and expands them to incorporate an entirely new way to play video games. It stretches the field of imagination to new heights, and showcases not only what the Switch as a system can do, but how you can do things with your imagination.

Like the other Labo kits, this one is getting a “garage” where you can create your own games. While you probably won’t be making much out of cardboard, you’re able to make games that would fit with the VR’s idea in mind. From exploration games, to rhythm games, it’s whatever you can think of and get working that makes it so much fun. Plus Nintendo is adding support to Super Mario Odyssey and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for free, so that’s a bonus.

Now this isn’t a full fledged review, and I’m gonna take advantage of that to ask a question, why do people give this thing so much hate? Why are people so against Nintendo Labo?

I’ve seen the hatred for Nintendo Labo since the beginning, it shows with the like and dislike bar of the original video that Nintendo posted before the first two kits were even released.

I truly do not understand the flak that the Labo gets. Most people seem to think that the cardboard is made out of 8x11 printer paper that would fall apart the second you tried to play with it, but after getting 15+ hours out of EACH of my Labo kits, I can safely say that they’re surprisingly durable, and none of them have received any real wear or tear to them.

Yet I still don’t understand the hatred towards them, people say you’re paying a huge amount of money for cardboard, even though people are content paying $60 for a piece of plastic and silicon (not even that if they buy a download code) People also don’t look at the fact that the PSVR, which is usually around $250 to buy new (about $350 if you include move controllers) and most of the games are still nothing more than tech demos, ones of huge games like Skyrim, or Borderlands, which you’re expected to pay for, for full price, and even then the games still feel like nothing but glorified tech demos. Maybe I’m just being cynical, maybe I’m just being a Nintendo Fan boy, but it’s something I really just don’t understand.

So yeah, these are all my thoughts on the VR right now, something I’m looking VERY forward to, and has me being all giddy and excited like a 7 year old kid who’s only a week away from Christmas. It’s something that I know will make people happy, and maybe even get more people interested in VR, and the STEM community as well.

Thank you all for reading (And again, please ask away if you have anything you want to tell me, I’d love to hear what other people have to say on this)

[t-oresama]

“War Dances” by Sherman Alexie

Synopsis: From one of the most original and celebrated writers working in America today, War Dances is a highly charged collection of stories and poems that deftly captures the myriad aspects of modern relationships.

Published: 2009 (Grove Press) Genre: Fiction, Poetry Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Reader Review: (A quick note unrelated to this review: A lot has changed here on Tumblr and what was once muscle memory without a second thought in regards to what to press, what goes where and where stuff is has now become rusty and cobweb-ridden. I'm applying oil to creaky joints and blowing the dust away from my personal page now, but (clearly) I don't go on this site much anymore. However, I still want to keep this page active if for no other reason than for writing purposes. Maybe a personal rant, maybe the random 2AM dream-turned-muse-turned-poem, but most definitely for book reviews. The rest of its use remains unclear, but maybe some day I'll get back into the reblogging of things. That being said, hello, all. It's been quite a while.) Now, something to note about me is that I really don't have a "favorite" author, nor a favorite story. Heck, I was tasked to do an assignment in college that asked of me to name "notable writers" that helped me become who I am now, and it was like pulling my own teeth. I’ve never thought much of a "favorite of all time”, more like a favorite of the moment. But this man, Sherman Alexie, has consistently remained one of my “all-time” favorite writers since late in high school. His perspective, as a Native American with a plethora of health problems, is unique, brash and captivating. The stories he tells, with nearly all of them relating back to a Native American character or perspective, are refreshing in both their first-glance simplicity and underlying complexity. His ability to make his readers think is something not many 21st century authors are able to achieve. In short, I adore him. And I think it was that adoration of him that made me get this book without a second thought. No, wait, I take that back. I know it was that adoration of him. And he's one of those authors that I can never find myself wanting to stop reading. This made him a perfect candidate for my need to pass a long and painful day at home with a fever recently, with something easy and able to transport my mind away from constant thoughts of my hot, achey body. I'm actually reading 2 other books right now, but I’d left them at work (these days I work at a library so of course I'd do that on the one day I need them). I grabbed the blue book with the red Puma sneakers off of my bookshelf and dove right in, expectations high. ...I’ve now used 3 paragraphs to not talk about the book, so let’s talk about it, shall we? This book is a compilation of fiction short stories and poetry in a (seemingly unintended, but existing nonetheless) pattern of 3 poems before the short story, and repeating. While, in his past works, there are usually ties between each piece by the person telling/starring in it-- a person of Native American descent-- this time around, that's not always the case. It's in his poetry mainly that the race of the storyteller isn't that clear, and frankly doesn't matter much, as some of his poems ("The Limited", "On Airplanes") depict situations that can be or have been applicable to any human being regardless of race. They're ones you could easily consider as pieces Alexie wrote moments after they happened, when he had a private moment to collect his thoughts while still being in the heat of the moment. Others, like "The Theology of Reptiles", "After Building the Lego Star Wars Ultimate Death Star", and any poems starting with "Ode to" are soaked in nostalgia, and come off more as musings or retellings of a time long since passed not only in Alexie's life, but in the lives of others from his same decade(s). And of course, as it is not only in his writing style but in his own DNA, there are poems that do talk about aspects of Native American life, both in the past and in the modern world ("Go, Ghost, Go"). Alexie also tries his hand at vignettes (for the first time, as far as I know), and rather than each mini-story being tied together by a theme, they are tied together by their final mini-story. In fact, in one of his vignettes, the final mini-story is called Collision (from his "Roman Catholic Haiku" vignette) to emphasize two seemingly random stories coming together in a cohesive way. He also conducts a series of self-interviews (I'm not exactly sure what call them, which I kind of like), where an interviewer will ask a question, and the interviewee will answer only just barely relating back to that actual question. It's kind of hard to explain without just copy-pasting the questions/answers here, but if you can, I suggest you look them up yourself ("Catechism" and "Big Bang Theory"), as they, along with the vignettes, are what I found to be the most intriguing and all around stand-out pieces in this collection. What remains to be talked about are his short stories, which I've always found to be his most compelling in his mediums of writing. There six stories in this book: "Breaking and Entering", "The Senator's Son", "The Ballad of Paul Nonetheless", "False Symmetry", "Salt", and the story for which this book gets its name, "War Dances". I won't go on and on about each one of these stories, since that does ruin it for someone who hasn't read this book yet and, really, who wants a breakdown of EVERY piece in a collection jammed into one review? So instead, I'll pick out a few to go more in-depth with, and talk briefly about the others without giving much away. Between each of these six short stories, Alexie delves into a myriad of serious topics, while still putting his signature stamp of dark humor and splash of well-measured irony in each. "Breaking and Entering" talks about race and how our media operates today (even for this being written 8 years ago, it's still very contemporary as of late thanks to a certain new leader of the US...). "Salt" has the reader and the subject of the story reflecting on life and death, again a heavy topic but with enough light-hearted commentary as to not make you feel as saddened as you maybe should be. "The Senator's Son" talks about politics, the gay community and how they can (unexpectedly) intertwine, and "The Ballad of Paul Nonetheless" depicts love, lust, sexual desire and a lack thereof all in one story. 

Of all of these stories, "War Dances"- a series of events chronicled in the life of a man who suddenly loses his hearing and, while getting treatment, reflects on the loss of his father (a self-destructive Indian) and his own mortality- and "Salt" are the two that felt the most complete in the sense of being very concise and well-rounded. This isn't to say that the other stories are not, but it might have something to do with Alexie's style incorporated with each piece's subject matter. If you're familiar with Alexie's short stories, you'll note that he's not one to have a finite happy or sad ending, or an “ending” at all. He leaves endings hanging on what is usually (but sometimes not) a humdrum moment, one that's not as exciting as other points in the story. In fact, for a couple of these stories, I ended up thinking "...Wait, that's it?" by the time I finished the last sentence. I find this more as a testament to human life than a negative in Alexie's story-telling abilities. Not everything or every day or every event ends with some grand finale with fireworks and a passionate kiss, or a heart-wrenching death followed by an epilogue to give the reader closure. Life just isn't like that, which is the point Alexie tries to make. Sometimes, despite your successes and your hardships, your story is meant to end on an "eh" moment. Both of these stories do have that unfinished "eh" moment by the end, but they feel right, as I said, given their subject matter. And these moments do have their poignancy. You have to really analyze the last paragraphs to understand their significance, as Alexie isn't one to hit you upside the head with symbolism, but these stories' final moments left a lasting impression on me, a mark of a great story told. You're probably wondering why this is only a 3.5 out of 5 to me, especially since 1/3 of this review is me gushing about Alexie. Well, while I liked the shorter pieces mentioned above, the bulk of this book is made up of these six short stories. It would be like me saying I only considered a movie my favorite movie for just one scene; you CAN like parts of an artistic work without feeling obligated to like it as a whole. And that's how I feel coming away from this book. I couldn't help but feel like Alexie's own established style was sort of his downfall with some of his short stories. He focuses a lot on inner thoughts of the narrator, as well as focusing on small details for the sole purpose of making the reader believe that the narrator really has an interest in or is whatever occupation/hobbyist they claim to be. And that's fine because I usually admire small details like that, but certain stories feel lost because of this. "Breaking and Entering", while compelling in its second half, nearly lost me on its first half because it literally went off on a tangent about things that pertained to the character, but didn't matter in the overall story. And "The Senator's Son"- another story with so much potential- spent so much time world-building and character and relationship establishing that by the end, there's a sense of deflation as it's the only time Alexie breaks his own rule and tries to tie it all up in a neat bow for the ending, with a sort of a "where are they now" conclusion that just doesn't... fit. The worst offender is "The Ballad of Paul Nonetheless", which is the second longest short story at 33 pages, but feels like the longest by a mile, and not in a good way. It suffers from all of the problems mentioned: long amounts of world building with not much to show for it, pages spent on articulating details and quirks that don't matter a whole lot for the overall story, and so on. It's a "ballad" in the stereotypical sense that it's long-winded and drawn out, only to fizzle by its ending note. And this really hurts for me to say, because there have been so many better stories from him with more established purpose and plot done with half the pages as this story. But it was honestly a chore for me to get through. There are certain aspects that reel you back in, but not nearly enough of them. I was wanting more of those certain moments, past what the character’s philosophies and fetishes are in favor of getting right to his core issues, but seldom got them. It could be that some themes or blurbs within the story are lost on me, that I don't appreciate them enough to find them useful to the overall story, but I still stand by my belief that it's the worst- which I say loosely, as I really didn't hate it- of them all. Now that I think about it, I wonder if I feel this way because the main character isn't really established as Native American as are the main characters in 95% of Alexie’s other works. I can't help but think if, by not making the main character an Indian, he loses a bit of the Alexie magic that enchants his other stories as the ability for him to place himself in that character's position is somewhat gone. I wonder... To conclude this VERY long review, despite my gripes with some of the short stories, there are really wonderfully done pieces with either a strong personal message, an almost uncannily relatable tone, or a sense of depth that can only be brought forth by someone like Sherman Alexie, given his background and his personal traumas. While it's not his best book, I would highly recommend giving it a read. I may have made the score lower than needed because of my own disappointment as a fan, but don't let this dissuade you! It's been 8 years now without a new book from Alexie, so if you want the most modern of his tales and the most current of his poetry, read this book. His subjects are so topical especially given the America we currently live in, you'll feel like he wrote them 8 months ago rather than 8 years. He tries new things and new techniques and that alone is bravery in print. If you're a fan as I am, you might not come away feeling totally satisfied, but you'll come away feeling content overall for having let yourself into the (physically damaged) head of Mr. Alexie.