#me and char have been dating for a month. we have not said i love you but i do have a key to their apartment.

[rebelwrites]

First Christmas with Mr Leclerc???? Like maybe you start a tradition with him and he's just so in love and can't believe you want to spend the holidays with him 😍

Can We Go See Santa?

Charles Leclerc x Reader

As this is a flash fic it hasn’t been edited

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

The arrivals area of the airport was practically bursting at the seams, everywhere you looked there were multiple bodies darting around the large room. Everyone was in their own world, hunting for their bags and family, ready to start the festivities that would follow over the next couple of days.

Reaching up you tugged the hood of your boyfriend's hoodie further over your cap before making sure your three year old’s hood was still covering her face, she was fast asleep in your arms, soft snores escaping her lips every so often, the flight completely wiped her out and honestly you were happy about that. For the past couple of days she had been a little terror, but in all fairness it was all due to excitement of getting to see her ‘Char Char’ again. Over the last couple of months fans had started to raise their suspicions about you and the monegasque driver. He had started soft launching you on his social media and you knew that one day the world would have to know you two were dating. But your main concern was your daughter, she was too young to understand what was going on, all she knew was the love she held for Mummy’s boyfriend.

Somehow you managed to spot Arthur amongst the crowd, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the youngest Leclerc, his disguise was shocking and he was lucky to now get trampled in the busy airport. Shaking the thoughts out of your mind you slowly pushed your way through the crowded room. Dropping your gaze you realized that Arthur had grabbed your suitcases meaning that your escape was going to be quick and hopefully uneventful.

“Comment s'est déroulé le vol ? How was the flight?” The youngest Lecerc beamed, reaching out to take Alice from you. The movement caused her to stir, pulling her tiny fists to her eyes, the moment she realized it was Arthur holding her it was like someone had flipped a switch and she was wide awake.

“Arta,” she giggled, placing her hand on his cheek. She had always struggled to pronounce his name but he really didn’t care.

“Hi, my sweet girl,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s get the two of you back home, Maman is so excited to see you.”

The journey back to his car was relatively quick, he had managed to secure a really good parking space right near the main doors. The moment he opened the back door of the car my heart melted when I saw the brand new car seat secured onto the back seat of Pascales’ car. “Maman wanted her little bear to be safe, and she said she had a feeling you would be spending a lot more time in Monaco.” Arthur chuckled, looking over his shoulder flashing me a warm smile.

“Let’s not rush,” you hummed, slowly pushing the hood of Charles’ hoodie down before climbing into the front seat of the car, “We haven’t been together for a year yet.”

“Yet I have never seen my brother so happy,” he grinned, double checking the seatbelt was secured before he quickly made his way to the driver's seat. “God, he is gonna be so happy to see you.”

Nothing could wipe the smile off your face as Arthur backed out of the parking space, making his way towards the exit of the car park. “I’m honestly surprised how we have all managed to keep this a secret,” you hummed, resting your head against the window of the car. The sounds of giggles from the back seat filling the small space, “especially Alice, she's been so excited to see you all.”

The journey from the airport didn’t take long and the moment you stepped foot into the Leclerc household you were pounced on by Pascale. “Oh my dear, it is so good to see you,” she beamed, practically crushing your ribs with how tight she was hugging you. “Char will be home within the next ten minutes.”

Your heart started racing at the thought of him walking through the door with no knowledge you were here. You couldn’t wait to see him, this would be your first Christmas together and hopefully the first of many.

Charles abruptly came into your life one rainy day in the UK, to this day you still felt some embarrassment from the day you met. Alice was two and she decided it was a good idea to run away from you in a busy park. She went sprinting across the field, she had spotted Charles before you had, screaming his name before barging into him causing him to spill his iced coffee down himself. But instead of being angry he smiled softly at my daughter before chasing after her causing her giggles to echo around the park.

Pushing the memory to the back of your mind, you followed Pascale into the kitchen, taking a seat at the kitchen table whilst Arthur chased Alice around the house. You found myself fumbling with the sleeves of Charles’ hoodie. You had never done anything like this before so my hands were starting to get clammy, what if he didn’t want you here? What if you had made a mistake? Was it too soon to be spending Christmas with him and his family?

Because your mind was spinning you didn’t notice the man you were worrying about was currently standing in the doorway. Taking a deep breath you finally looked up when you heard someone cough from across the room. The corners of your lips tugged into a wide smile as you let your gaze scan over your man leaning against the door frame. His green eyes glistened with happiness as he saw you sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hi,” you breathed, slowly pushing yourself to your feet.

Charles couldn’t believe what he was seeing, he had no idea you were coming to Monaco but he was happy to see you standing in the kitchen of his childhood home.

“When did you get here?” he whispered, scared if he spoke too loudly then you would disappear and this was just a figment of his imagination.

“I actually only got here about fifteen minutes ago,” you giggled, closing the gap between the two of you. The moment you got within arms reach of him, he wasted no time in pulling you into his chest, squeezing you tight, never wanting to let you go.

“Êtes-vous ici pour Noël ? Are you here for Christmas?” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Thought we could start some new traditions, you, me and Alice,” you responded, looking up, resting your hand against his cheek. “Make some better Christmas memories for the two of us.”

Before Charles could respond we were attacked by the little terror that was my three year old daughter. “Char Char,” she screamed, trying to climb him like a tree.

He quickly pulled away from the hug to scoop her up in his arms, the moment she was high enough he pressed a small kiss to the end of her nose, causing her giggles to echo around the room. Nothing could wipe the smile off Charles’ face, he had both his girls with him on his favorite season of the year. The distance was starting to kill him, all he wanted was both of you by his side as he traveled the world, that was his Christmas wish this year.

“I missed you, Princess,” he whispered, brushing some of her loose curls away from her eyes.

“Missed you more, Char Char,” she whispered back, resting her small hand on his cheek. You felt tears threatening to spill over your lash line. Charles had completely changed your life for the better, he treated your daughter as if she was his own and there never went a day where he didn’t shower either of you in love. “Can we go and see Santa?” Alice asked, widening her eyes and fluttering her eyelashes at Charles.

“I can’t think of anything better, Princess,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before placing her on the ground and watching her sprint towards the front door.

“You willing to stand in line for hours, waiting to see someone dressed as the big man?” you hummed in amusement, tucking your hands into the back pocket of our jeans. “You know there is a chance we will get spotted.”

The smirk on his face melted your heart and if it wasn’t for the fact you were leaning against the counter top, you swore your knees would have given out on you. “You and Alice are my entire world, babygirl and I don’t want to hide that away anymore.” he whispered, closing the gap between the two of you, planting his hands on your hips. “I want to start new traditions with you, Y/N. And if the first one is making sure that every year Alice gets to go see Santa, followed by a walk around a Christmas market with hot chocolate.”

“That sounds perfect, Mr Leclerc,” you giggled, brushing your noses against his.

@chibsytelford @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @stillbreathin @angywritesstuff @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @livo676 @buendiabebeta @ferrarifwendvale @hungryhungariann @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @queenslife @panicforspec @justme2042 @liv67 @derpinathebrave @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @raaaaabzzz @mehrmonga @sbgal @fangirl-lb @pitconfirmbutton @oslokij @tall-tanned-tattoo

[redheadspark]

Barry Keoghan March Prompt 2 please and thank you 💙

A/N - Aww this is adorable! I made this nice and short and cute for you to read, I hope you like it! Thanks for requesting!

Hold

Summary - Barry loves holding your hand

Warning - Just fluff :)

“Alright, how does your month look for our holiday?” 

“Looks, good. The awards season is done and I have a solid month open before my next project,”

“Perfect!  And….done, we’re officially going on holiday,”

Barry chuckled as you slammed the Laptop shut in relief, he reached over to lace your fingers together from across the tiny coffee table between the pair of you.  The rest of the shop was mostly deserted, except for a few patrons who were working on their own computers or reading. With the pattering of rain and the sun attempting to push through the storm clouds that were rolling by, you and Barry wanted to hide out in a coffee shop and have some one-on-one time together.  It was one of your favorite coffee shops, you found a spot tucked away from the windows and out of the public eye since Barry was not being recognized out and about.  He loved his stardom, he truly did, but he also loved having time away from set or paparazzi could be your boyfriend.

One of his favorite things to do with you was hold your hand.

Sure it seemed like it was such a simple thing to do, but he loved having your hand in his.  Anytime he could, he would hold your hand and keep it tucked tight.  Walking together shoulder to shoulder, watching a movie together cuddled on the couch, even falling asleep together when he would cuddle you close in his embrace.  Something about having your hand in his, it felt like Ana char for him with how fast things were moving in his life.

“Where are we goin’?” He asked you as you took a long sip from your latte.

“Not going to tell you,” You hummed as an answer, seeing him cock up an eyebrow at you, “As someone who has connections to travel agents, this holiday is going to be amazing for us.  Just be prepared to dress for warmth,”

“Ah, so I need my speedo?” He joked, and you giggled as he grinned from ear to ear.

“You would want to bring your speedo when we go under the sun,” You teased, “But you can’t get a sunburn or else your publicist will kill me,”

“Eh, she won’t do a thing to you,” Barry reassured you as he scooted over to be right next to you, wrapping a spare arm around your shoulders to tuck you in a bit closer next to him.  Your hands were still connected on top of the table, his thumb stroking your skin back and forth along our hand as he spoke again, “She’s a great publicist, but wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I know, that’s why I like her: she's kind but she keeps you in check when you’re away,” You explained, Barry kissing the top of your head.

“You make it seem like I’m a bad boy,” he commented, though he saw you smile as he poked your side, “You think I am, don’t ya?”

“Never said that,” You replied with a laugh as he poked your side again. Barry loved this banter between the pair of you, ever since you met two years ago thanks to a mutual friend who introduced the pair of you at a wrap party from one of his independent films.  Barry instantly liked you, from how you laughed at one of the corny pickup lines another bloke tried on you, to how you were asking him plenty of questions about acting and what method he liked the best.  He could tell you genuinely liked him as a person, not as an actor or a movie star.  He asked you for your number, and you two have been a pair since then.

He was an actor who thrived and craved privacy, especially when it came to his personal life.  He wanted to have his relationship with you as private as possible, not wanting to have public dates or extravagant vacations.  In fact, he was the opposite, wanting to find little tucked-away restaurants to eat at or small getaways with no prying eyes.  He saw now that acting life can tear families and relationships apart, and the one main thing he never wished for was to have his life with you tainted and ruined.  But you never cared, not when you had your own life to deal with and your workload keeping you busy most days.

Still, little by little, you were known as his girlfriend.  Barry taking you to a couple of premiers, dropping your name at interviews and talk shows, even walking with you side by side with the paparazzi catching the image at the right moment.  He could see that you were no wallflower when it came to being in the spotlight from time to time.  Sometimes the gossip columns and tabloids did get to you once or twice, but you were they were lies and not even close to the truth.  

Barry loved having your hand in his when times were tough or when he was too stressed, It brought him inner peace and tranquility.  If he could, he would hold your hand all the time and never let you go.  Sure it seemed possessive, but he didn’t care. Barry cared about you and how you moved him from the inside out.  Even seeing pictures of the two of you holding hands out in public, at a premiere or a party would always put butterflies in his stomach and make his heart swell.  

He never felt like this with any other girlfriend, not for a long time.  

“So, this warm holiday, am I going to be seeing you in a gorgeous swimsuit?” He asked you in a coy tone.

“Maybe, along with some of my favorite books to read and plenty of sunshine for the pair of us to share together,” You explained, “And it’s going to be at least 5 days too, so pack plenty of clothes…or not.”

“Hey!” He snorted, the pair of you laughing at the light antics between you two in your booth. He looked down at your joined hands, feeling the warmth of your palm against his own and your soft hands against his calloused fingers.  He knew he wanted to hold your hand forever and beyond that as well.  

Inwardly, he was glad that you planned this holiday out for the pair of you to enjoy.  He had other plans that he was going to make with you, given the small ring box that he stored away in his dresser drawer back at his flat.  He dreamed of placing a tiny diamond on your finger, for some time actually. 

But you planning the holiday made it just a pinch sweeter.

The End

Spring Prompt Session

[cowboybarzy]

aaah hey could i request for a blurb with barzy in singapore? im from there and i cant wait to see what you’ll come up with hehe i love your writing so much :-) have a great summer!!

tysm for your request! always love seeing you in my notifications <3 hope I did well!!

this is the end of the world trip! thank you to everyone who requested and everyone who followed along! here is the masterlist of the world trip for your convenience :)

disclaimer: I don't know much about the country so I've looked a few things up on google and obviously used google translate (lang. used: malay). please please lmk if anything is wrong (translations or anything relating to the culture). I'm always open to learn and already did a bunch from my quick google search haha I've been on a few websites that shared traditional foods and now I need to go asap and taste everything!! EDIT: one very kind anon reached out and gave me a little history lesson/clarification so here is what they had to say!! ty anon!!

📍singapore with mat barzal

"Oh my god, it smells amazing in here," your boyfriend Mat exclaimed when you entered the small restaurant.

"I know," you answered, your face lighting up at the familiar scent. "It's my favorite place ever."

The hostess, a close friend of your grandmother, light up when she saw you walk in. "(Y/n)! ia telah begitu lama. Tengok awak. Awak sangat cantik." (It's been so long. Look at you. You're so beautiful.)

You smiled, catching up with her quickly and finally introducing your boyfriend to her.

"Selamat berkenalan," (It’s nice to meet you.) he said, his pronunciation a lot better then when you practiced with him on the plane ride.

When you were finally seated, your favorite table of course, and immediately started looking through the menu. Almost two days ago you and Mat had made it to your home country, Singapore. After a year of dating, you were ready for him to meet your family back home and show him where you spend most of your childhood. Mat was very excited for you to show him everything and was a very good sport when eating all of the cultural foods he was not used to. He loved exploring and expanding his food palate.

"You've already had the chili crab, but this place does it better than anywhere else, so you can have that again if you want." You translated the menu for him, but he wanted something with rice or noodles. "Then I'd do the char kway teow. It's pretty traditional stir fry based dish. I think you'd like it."

"Ok, I might take that then." He looked around more, still deciding on what he's in the mood for.

A server, also someone you knew, then came over to take your orders. You gave her yours, then looked at Mat, unsure if he had made his final decision. "You ready?"

He nodded, then looked at the server. "Saya tolong minta char kway teow." (I will have the char kway teow, please.) Your mouth dropped in shock. How did he just say this sentence, pronouncing the words almost perfectly? The server nodded, then left towards the kitchen.

"What?" He grinned.

"How did you know how to say that?" You were still shocked, but a smile crept over your lips. You had taught him a few words here and there, but not how to say whole sentences.

"Oh, I didn't tell you?," he asked innocently. "I've been taking duolingo lessons since we've planned this trip." That was almost three months ago. Tears coated your eyes when you realized what that meant.

"Mat." He smiled, taking your hand in his.

"I just thought I could impress your family a bit. And you, by the looks of it." You broke out in a small, emotional laugh.

"I want to squeeze the crap out of you right now. And kiss." He laughed and kissed the palm of your hand.

"We can do that later. How about you let me have my last meal first?"

[im-just-a-br0adway-baby]

((First Hazbin fic! Let's gooooo!!! It's a first time fic because did you forget who you're talking to? Okay, enjoy!))

Charlie Morningstar was never the most outgoing hellborn growing up. She would often sit quietly while other children played with their friends. When she tried to make friends as a child, other children would often make fun of her because of how weird she would act towards them. Many have said she got her social awkwardness from her father. She had a couple of friends in her youth, but none of them compared to a girl she met while on her business venture; Vaggie. 

Vaggie was not someone anyone would have expected Charlie to eventually fall in love with, but once she laid eyes on her, it was love at first sight; she could not take her eyes off of her. She did not know what to say to her; she just babbled until Vaggie cut her off. While they got to know each other, that was when they knew it was meant to be. But nothing compared to one special night they had together.

Vaggie has lived with Charlie at the Hazbin Hotel for quite a while now. They have been on several dates while also running the hotel together. Everybody else at the hotel figured that they would want their alone time at some points. Even though they have been alone together for quite some time, Charlie was too shy to tell Vaggie what she really wanted.

It was not until one particular day when Charlie and Vaggie were alone together in her bedroom when she finally expressed what she wanted. She sat on her bed, trembling until Vaggie noticed when she leaned on here.

“Is there something wrong, Char?” Vaggie asked as she put a hand on Charlie’s lap.

“I’m okay, Vag; honest,” Charlie replied.

“I can see you trembling. I know something’s bothering you. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

Charlie hesitated before she responded. “Okay, I’ll tell you; you know that we’ve been dating for four months, and I have… really strong feelings for you.”

Vaggie noticed a wet spot between Charlie’s legs. “Are they as strong as I believe they may be?”

“No! I mean… yes! I mean… how strong do you think they are?”

Vaggie looked at the wet spot, then back at Charlie. “I think you know just as well how strong.”

Charlie looked down, noticed the wet spot, and relaxed her body. “Okay, Vaggie, I’ve… been aroused by you since the day we met. I just never knew how to tell you because… I was too scared. I didn’t think you would feel the same.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because… I never really thought my body was all that attractive.”

“Charlie, I always thought you were attractive, ever since the day I met you.”

“Yeah, but you’ve never seen me naked before.”

“I know I haven’t, but I don’t have to. I already know how beautiful you are, because it’s you. And that’s all I need. I’d love to see it.”

Charlie blushed before moving closer to Vaggie. She smiled as she took off her pants and threw it to the corner of her room. She briefly looked at her underwear, then looked at Vaggie. Charlie really wanted to get started, but something was stopping her every time she got to another article of clothing.

“Something’s really bothering you, Char,” Vaggie pointed out.

“No! I mean… It’s just…”

“You’re insecure about your vagina too, aren’t you?”

“...A little bit.”

“Do you want me to help you?”

Charlie smiled and nodded. Vaggie began to take Charlie’s underwear off and noticed her pussy glistening wet for her. Vaggie smiled and looked at Charlie, then gave her a long kiss on her lips. The kiss lasted for ten seconds before the girl detached lips.

“That’s what you’re insecure about? It’s absolutely beautiful!”

Charlie relaxed and laid on her bed. Vaggie threw Charlie’s underwear in the corner of her room on top of her pants and laid down next to her.

“I just always found it pretty gross down there. It’s not that anyone has ever seen it before, just heard people talk about how gross they are when I was in school. I looked down that day, and never looked down since. I couldn’t even make myself do so.”

Vaggie moved closer to Charlie and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Well, whoever said that, you shouldn’t have listened to them in the first place. It’s the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen.”

Charlie smiled and Vaggie kissed her again as she started to rub her pussy. Charlie let out a high-pitched squeak before putting her arms around Vaggie and pulling her closer. Vaggie climbed on top of Charlie and continued rubbing her until she found her sweet spot. Charlie dug her fingers into Vaggie’s back and kept kissing her to hold back her screams.

“You don’t need to hold back, love. You’re safe with me. Let it all out.”

“But… what if everyone hears us?”

“Char, you know everyone’s out right now. It’s okay, I promise.”

Vaggie continued kissing and rubbing Charlie until she let all the feelings she was keeping to herself since starting. She never felt a sensation like this before. It was like an explosion that made its way through her entire body. She let out the loudest moan she could as Vaggie pressed harder. She continued until she pushed Charlie to her breaking point. Vaggie was not going to stop until Charlie was completely satisfied. Charlie spent her whole life insecure about expressing her sexuality, despite living in the one place where everyone was free to express their sexualities in any and every way they please, and Vaggie hopes to build her confidence.

Vaggie continued rubbing until Charlie until she let out the biggest orgasm in all of Hell. She grabbed onto her sheets and screamed her little heart out as her girlfriend continued pressing to try and get everything out of her. Both girls were mesmerized and fascinated by the sound that came out of Charlie. No sound has ever come out of her like that before. Once she was finished, Charlie panted continuously as Vaggie laid down next to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek, then on her forehead.

“Do you think I did a good job?” Vaggie asked as she and Charlie put their arms around each other, still laying down.

“I guess you did alright,” Charlie replied jokingly as she smirked slightly at her girlfriend.

Vaggie could not help but laugh. If there was anything that attracted her to Charlie in the first place, it was her sense of humor, and her optimistic nature. Vaggie sat up from the bed and began to take off her pants. She threw her pants and underwear where Charlie’s were and she sat up with her.

“Do you want to try?” Vaggie said as she winked at Charlie.

Charlie looked down and smiled. Vaggie moved closer and grabbed Charlie’s arm to move to her pussy. She helped her begin rubbing and Charlie smiled and blushed. Vaggie continued guiding her girlfriend’s hand until she reached her clitoris. 

“You just start with small, gentle circles, okay?” Vaggie said.

Charlie nodded and continued rubbing Vaggie when she took her hand off of her’s. Charlie continued on her own and began to press and rub a little harder. Vaggie started to moan as Charlie’s face began to get red. Since Vaggie gave her her first orgasm, Charlie was feeling more confident in her ability to express her sexuality. As Vaggie continued moaning, she was feeling a mix of pleasure and regret, feeling like she corrupted her innocent girlfriend. But seeing her getting more red in the face showed her how much she was enjoying it.

“You’re doing great, babe. Keep going!” Vaggie moaned.

Charlie kept rubbing faster until Vaggie reached her breaking point. She grabbed Charlie by her back and pulled her against her face to kiss her. As much as Vaggie encouraged Charlie to not hold back her screams, she could not help but hold back herself. Charlie stopped kissing her when she noticed Vaggie pulling her closer and closer as she wanted to scream louder.

“Wait, why are you holding back?” Charlie asked.

Vaggie hesitated before answering. “I don’t know… I know I didn’t want you to hold back, but I thought you’d be too put off. When I was still alive, every girl I ever dated would say that I was too loud. After several girlfriends giving me the same comment, I kind of just… stopped messing around with other girlfriends after that. If enough girls were put off, then I guess every girl would be put off.”

Charlie and Vaggie sat up and hugged each other. “I wouldn’t be put off by it. I’m Lucifer’s daughter, for crying out loud! I’ve seen worse things before. Even if most of them were a little… oh… I see why you’d be scared now. But it would be different for you. We’ve been sharing everything together since the day we met. I’m more comfortable with you than with anyone else in this hotel. You’re my number one.”

Charlie and Vaggie hugged each other once again before Vaggie started taking off her shirt. Charlie decided to help her and the couple did the same with Charlie. The girls threw their tops to the side of their room and hugged each other again before laying on the bed and giggling together. Vaggie and Charlie started to play with each other’s breasts until Vaggie dove down and started kissing Charlie’s.

“They’re small,” Charlie said as Vaggie looked up at her.

“Well, so are mine, what does that have to do with anything?” Vaggie asked.

“Well…”

“Don’t tell me you’re insecure about your boobs too,” Vaggie rolled her eyes playfully at her girlfriend.

Charlie hesitated again. “A little bit; I’ve been insecure about them since I was a teenager when I saw they weren’t getting any bigger. I mean, I look at my boobs and I kind of wish they looked more like yours.”

Vaggie kissed Charlie on the cheek before going back to her breasts. “They’re just as beautiful as everything else about you, mi amor. You never have to feel insecure when you’re around me.”

Charlie smiled as Vaggie continued giving all the kisses she could on her chest until she traced her kisses down her stomach, reaching her pussy once more. She took one small lick and Charlie let out a small moan to express her pleasure. One lick was enough for Vaggie to dig deeper and taste more of it. Charlie could not keep it in any longer. She had to let her moans out because it felt too good.

“Vaggie! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” Charlie moaned as she grabbed the sheet of their bed and threw her head back, continuing to moan Vaggie’s name.

“I think I can get you even more,” Vaggie said as she poked her tongue in Charlie’s clitoris to get her to scream as loud as she could.

And, right on cue, Charlie screamed and took her hands off the bed to let herself flop on and lay down. She continued to orgasm until Vaggie moved up, hugged her, and gave her another kiss on her forehead.

“I would have never thought you would have it in you,” Charlie joked as she poked Vaggie’s nose.

“You’d be surprised with what I have in me. I also want to see how you can surprise me,” Vaggie responded as she winked at Charlie.

Charlie sat up and spread her legs on top of Vaggie. She looked at her pussy and smiled before diving down to begin licking. It tasted just as good as Vaggie said about Charlie’s. She smiled and giggled inside Vaggie’s pussy continued to lick deeper until she sharpened her tongue and poked her clitoris. Vaggie let out a high-pitched squeak once Charlie poked her clitoris. The sounds she was making was enough motivation for Charlie to keep going. It was not long until Vaggie let out one of the loudest orgasms Hell has ever heard. Charlie sat up and moved up to give Vaggie a kiss on the cheek, then the forehead, then the lips.

“Did I end up surprising you?” Charlie asked.

“You could say so, yes,” Vaggie joked as she nudged Charlie and she covered her mouth to hold in her laugh.

“And, Vaggie, your moans are beautiful. They did not put me off at all. In fact, they made me want you more.”

Vaggie smiled and began to kiss Charlie’s lips again. She climbed on top of her and the girls started tasting every inch of each other’s mouth. Vaggie started to move her hips against Charlie’s and the both of them moaned in each other’s ear. Charlie wrapped her legs around Vaggie’s waist and pulled her closer to her. 

“I stole something from Angel Dust’s room that we can use,” Vaggie pointed out as she got up off of Charlie and reached for their nightstand. It seemed to be a vibrator with the tips on both sides. Charlie stared at the toy and raised one eyebrow in confusion.

“Angel sure has the weirdest toys,” Charlie pointed out.

“Trust me, I was looking through when he left, and he has much weirder shit in his stash,” Vaggie explained.

Charlie shrugged and laid back down on the bed as Vaggie put the vibrator inside her. Vaggie climbed back on top of Charlie and slowly sat onto the other side of the vibrator. She turned it on and let the toy do the work for them. Charlie grabbed Vaggie closer to her by her hair and began to kiss her again. She then pulled her to the side of her shoulder and started to kiss and bite at her neck. The girls grabbed each other’s hair and tensed up even more.

“Are you almost there?” Charlie moaned as she breathed heavily.

“Yes! Are you?” Vaggie replied, her breaths matching Charlie’s.

“Mm-hmm!” Charlie squeaked.

The girls continued kissing each other until they could not take the sensation any longer. They both let out another orgasm each simultaneously, which lasted about a minute, until they took the vibrator out of them and laid back down on their bed. They panted heavily before looking at each other, smiling.

“Well, that was…” Vaggie started.

“Satisfying,” Charlie continued as both girls laughed.

“That’s one way to put it.”

The girls laughed again and kissed each other on the lips. Vaggie gave Charlie one more kiss on the neck before leaning towards her ear.

“Sacas el diablo en mi,” she whispered as she lightly bit Charlie’s ear. Charlie giggled and they kissed again.

Vaggie got up from their bed and picked up their clothes from the floor to put them back on the bed. They started putting their clothes back on and Charlie picked up the vibrator to examine it.

“Do you think we should return this before Angel gets home?” Charlie asked as she gave the vibrator to Vaggie.

“I think we should be okay for now. We should just get dressed before worrying about that,” Vaggie replied.

The girls continued getting dressed until they heard the door shut in the lobby. They looked at each other and quickly continued getting dressed until they heard screaming in another room.

“SON OF A– WHO TOOK MY TWO-IN-ONE VIBRATOR!?”

“Shit! Angel Dust’s home early!” Charlie pointed out, shaking.

“It’s okay, Charlie, we can just wash it and put it back when he goes back downstairs; no big deal,” Vaggie whispered anxiously.

Charlie and Vaggie finished getting dressed before grabbing the vibrator. But before they could leave the room, they heard a knock on their door. They were fucked! The girls sulked in shame before grabbing the vibratorand slowly making their way to the door. They were in for a big-time lecture about not touching Angel Dust’s things.

[starboishifting]

‧𓍢ִ໋☕ ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ || cafe d/r intro

୧ ‧₊˚ ☕︎ ⋅ ☆ "𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐢?" "𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡." ୧ ‧₊˚ ☕︎ ⋅ ☆

‧𓍢ִ໋☕ ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ || who i am

name: charlotte james vasquez nicknames: charlie, charles, char, lot, lottie age: 25 height: 5'5 nationality: american famiy: abuelita, tyron friends: miguel, hobie, elio, chuy, marina

‧𓍢ִ໋☕ ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ || tyron and damien

i met damien in high school, and never has anyone fallen in love as fast as i fell in love with him. practically the second we graduated, we got married and he joined ems and fire rescue. after two years, we had tyron, the softest, most beautiful baby boy the world had ever seen. and then there was an accident, and damien, being who he was, died a hero, leaving me with our three-year-old son and a (n admittedly hefty) settlement from the city, thanking me for his service. since then, tyron and i have lived above my abuelita's cafe, and i've worked there with her. tyron spends most of his time in the cafe with us, and we talk to his dad all the time. we'll lie in his bed and hold a candle, light it carefully, and whisper to the flame, feeling damien with us with every hushed word.

‧𓍢ִ໋☕ ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ || miguel o'hara

he wanted coffee. it was that simple. he was tired, and a coworker had told him that he would love this cafe, run by this little old puerto rican lady and her nieta. and then he walked in, finding a place that smelled like cinnamon and safety and home, with a short, chubby girl behind the counter with a kid on her back like a goddamn spidermonkey (i'm going to hell btw). and when i smiled up at him, i watched him crumble. years later, when we're lying in our bed, a newborn on his chest and tyron and i cuddled into his side, i'll think about that moment. i'll think about the way he looked at us both so adoringly, even then. i'll think about the way his voice trembled when he ordered, but he sounded confident when asking tyron questions about his pokemon, about the way his hands shook when he handed me too much and the way his eyes glowed when he said keep the change. and i'll realize that he fell in love the moment he saw me, and i'll fall in love with him all over again.

‧𓍢ִ໋☕ ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ || first date

he took us -yes, me and my 5-year-old son- for ice cream and a trip to the park. it was far too cold for any of us to be outside for that long, but then it started snowing, and tyron insisted we stay and play. so we left our half-eaten ice creams on a table and ran all around the park, so utterly perfect and domestic. watching miguel pushing my son on the swings was the moment i fell. i didn't realize until a month later, but that was my defining moment. someone who was good and kind and respectful to not only me, but my baby, too. and he carried us both home, despite my giggling protests. tyron was on his chest and i was slung over his shoulder, squirming and wriggling in a half-hearted escape attempt. he didn't kiss me when he brought us home; no, he saved that for the second date, when he took me to dinner and seemed to forget how to function every time he looked at my dress. i think he meant the kiss to be softer, but i ended up against a wall with my chest heaving, and he ended up running to his car, presumably to hide... stuff. he called again the next day, and we've been attached at the hip since.

[phantomss-pain]

Jess x charlie proposal ^^

Charlie was getting restless. Jessica was late and it was driving her insane. Of course Charlie was used to her girlfriend being late, it was one of Jessica’s little quirks, but this was ridiculous.

Jessica should have arrived an hour ago yet she wasn’t here. Normally Charlie wouldn’t mind Jessica being late but she hadn’t seen Jessica in over a month as her girlfriend had been on a business trip. It didn’t help that Charlie had something that she wanted to ask Jessica.

As Charlie looked up at the living room clock she couldn’t help but pull out a ring that she had tucked into one of her jean pockets and looked at it. Recently her twin brother Sammy had gotten married to his long time boyfriend Carlton and it had got Charlie thinking about her relationship with Jessica.

The two had been dating a lot longer than Cartlon and Sammy yet those two had gotten married before them. It had really made Charlie realise something that she hadn’t thought about before.

She wanted to be with Jessica for the rest of her life.

After everything that she had been through Jessica was always there for her. With that in her mind Charlie knew that she had to fully cement her love for Jessica by proposing to her. Yet Jessica was taking her sweet time getting back home.

Thankfully for her sanity Charlie wouldn’t have to wait much longer as five minutes later she heard a ring at the doorbell. Charlie immediately jumped up from the sofa, quickly tucked the ring back into her pocket and sprinted towards the door. The moment she unlocked the door and opened it Charlie was immediately grabbed by the neck and pulled into a kiss.

Smiling Charlie melted into the kiss and kissed back her hands dropping down to the person’s waist. The two held their kiss for a few more seconds before Charlie pulled away to see Jessica after so long.

“Hey Sunshine.” Charlie gently said.

“Heya Charlie.” Jessica smiled back. “How are you doing?”

Charlie felt a slight blush begin to form on her face. “Better now that you’re here.”

“Ohhhh how cute.” Jessica replied with a teasing tone in her voice. “Now am I allowed to come inside my own home?”

“Of course you are me lady.”

Before Charlie could blink Jessica quickly grabbed her hand, slammed the door shut and sprinted towards the sofa. Jessica threw Charlie onto the sofa and immediately pounced on her girlfriend grabbing her checks pulling her into a passionate kiss.

Charlie kissed back but she was no match for Jessica’s sheer excitement to be back home so she let Jessica take control. Jessica knew this so she did everything she could to take advantage of her girlfriend’s submission. She kissed Charlie’s neck while her hands moved over to Charlie’s breasts and gave them a squeeze.

“Jess.” Charlie moaned. “Can we not do this right now?”

“What do you mean?” Jessica innocently asked. “I’m just showing off how much I’ve missed you.”

Charlie just scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

“I’m being completely truthful here Char.” Jessica purred, running one of her fingers around Charlie’s chest. “I’m only showing off my love for you.”

“Alright I believe you.” Charlie replied. “But can we go for a walk before this escalates further?”

Jessica looked at Charlie confused at what she had said. “Um sure why not.”

“Great.” Charlie said beaming as her plan was finally going into motion.

After a relaxing drive towards the walk path the two parked the car and Charlie immediately went to hold Jessica’s hand with Jessica holding her’s back. Charlie smiled as the two walked in silence just enjoying each other’s company.

It felt right doing this before proposing. Going on long walks was something that the two used to do back when they were just simple roommates so it felt natural. There was some small talk here and there with Charlie mentioning how good Sammy and Carlton’s wedding was despite Jessica missing it while Jessica talked about her job.

Eventually the two walked up a hill that they have climbed up so many times before finally stopping at the top of it where a lonely tree stood. Charlie rested her head on Jessica’s left shoulder and the two watched over the distance in silence. As they did Charlie could recall the many times they walked up here before something big happened to them. It was their special spot.

“Hey Jess.” Charlie softly said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Funny you should say that but I’ve got a question as well.” Jessica replied.

Charlie looked up at Jessica. “Okay you go first.”

“Well with me being away for a month a lot of things have been on my mind.” Jessica said. “Mostly to do with us.”

“Right.”

“And…” Jessica paused. “I was going to do this back home but now that we are here I’ll do it.”

Charlie felt her heart rushing. Jessica wasn’t going to was to do it was she?

Pulling away Jessica went down onto her one knee and pulled out a small ring from her pocket. “Charlotte Emily, will you marry me?”

A moment of silence past as Charlie felt her eyes begin to tear up. At first Jessica got nervous and was about to apologise but Charlie quickly spoke up.

“You fucking dick.” Charlie bluntly said. “Of course you had to ask that question.” Noticing Jessica’s sudden look of shock and horror Charlie continued on with her slowly getting on one knee as well. “You just had to ask that question when I was about to do the same thing.”

Charlie finished by pulling out her own ring. The two looked at each other with tears begin to stream down their faces. They didn’t even move a muscle until Jessica grabbed Charlie’s face once again and pressed her lips against hers. Just like before Charlie melted as the two embraced each other. Not a word spoken until a few minutes went by before Charlie broke the silence up.

“I hope when you said that you were going to do this at home you didn’t mean after sex right?” Charlie asked.

“N-No of course.” Jessica spluttered clearly lying. “That would be-“

“That would be a you thing to do.” Charlie laughed.

“Charlie.” Jessica softly whispered.

“Yes sunshine.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you too.”

With that the two leaned in kissing each other ready for the next stage of their relationship.

[in-arlathan]

Get To Know Me

Who dis? It's me! Been a hot minute, hasn't it? This year has been a pile of dung up until now, if I'm being completely honest, hence my absence from Tumblr and most social media. I had an accident in December and have been feeling like dirt ever since. But: I'm back now! Mostly thanks to my beloved @johaerys-writes and the amazing @mogwaei who tagged me for this game. Thanks to you two! ❤ It's been a please reading your posts.

And now: Let's dive in!

Share your wallpaper: I'm a very boring person who has her own artwork as a wallpaper on her phone (talking about this study I did last year). XD It reminds me that (every once in a while) I do create something that I actually enjoy without any self-doubt or regret, and I like that.

Last song you listened to: "Eyes Closed" by Ed Sheeran. I'm a very basic person, lol.

Currently reading: Let me check Goodreads real quick... Yeah, I'm reading far too many books at the same time again. So here's the top 3 of books I'm reading and enjoying the most atm:

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

There's also a bunch of fanfic I need to catch up on but my mind has been all over the place.

Last move: "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves". My P&P podcast party had been invited to a preview 2 weeks ago and we had a fun time watching that movie.

Craving: Time off. I've been working non-stop for the past 8 months or so (with Christmas being the only exception) and I'm feeling super drained right now. Luckily, there are a few short trips coming up in April and July, so there is that!

What are you wearing right now: Basic black jeans and a white knitted sweater. It's spring but it's still flipping cold in my apartment. Ooph!

How tall are you: 168 cm or 5'5 feet (I guess?)

Piercings: Just the two for my earrings. As I said, I'm *very* basic. :')

Tattoos: Currently I got two but I plan on getting more later this year. Gotta save up some money first.

Glasses? Contacts? I got 3 different glasses (transparent, gold and brown frames) and contacts because I like to switch things up.

Last drink: I'm currently having some coffee with oat milk aka The breakfast of Champions. Or so I keep telling myself XD

Last thing you ate: Chicken wrap with lots of cheese. It was amazing.

Favorite color: My taste in color(s) shifts constantly but I'm currently obsessed with green in various tones. I keep getting back to like a warmer green because it makes me feel very cozy. But I also adore a good color combo of orange and violet/lilac or yellow and dark blue. It depends on my mood.

Current obsession: Truth be told, because of the current state of my mental health, I have a hard time being obsessed about anything. It's not like I can't enjoy things (I know that that feels like and I don't want to get back to *those days*) but there's not hyperfixation that lives rent-free in my head. And you know what? It feels terrible! I miss the feeling of being utterly obsessed about something. I crave that level of excitement, honestly!

Unrelated Obsession: Okay, I guess this means non-fandom obsessions. I do have one of those! A short while back, I read a book by the title "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World" which was fascinating. I loved that it was not Euro-centric and instead focussed on the achievements of Genghis and his successors. I've been gobbling media with the same or similiar topics – including finally playing "Ghost of Tsushima" which send me reading up on the Mongol invasion of Japan. It's been an intriguing ride!

Any pets: I'm too allergic to have cats, dogs, and other animals and I hate it. I want a little doggo so badly... 💔

Do you have a crush on anyone: IRL? Not anymore. I used to have a crush for most of last year but since he started ghosting me a few months back, I decided to focus my attention elsewhere. I'm *done* with dating and have been for the past couple of years. As for fictional characters... I have to go with Solas, although (as I mentioned) my excitement has died down somewhat. I still love that boy to death but I'm not as obsessed as I used to be.

Favorite fictional character: How dare you make me chose one?! I have a trillion fave characters and they're all precious to me ;_; No, I will not pick one because I truly can't!

The last place you traveled: I went to Cologne, my hometown, three weeks ago, but I assume that doesn't count as traveling. I think my last real vacation was in 2019 when I travelled to the Leipzig Book Fair. Oh my... 😅 (And I was wondering why I felt so drained all the time, lol. Dang... what a reality check. This hurts!).

That's it! Hope you enjoyed the read :3

Time to forward some tags. As always, please feel free to join in or ignore the tag: @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @thebookworm0001 @ohmypawsandwhiskers @pikapeppa @oxygenforthewicked @fiadhaisteach @noire-pandora @ellie-effie. Sending all of you lots of love. I hope you're doing great!

Until next time, lovelies! <3

[underseaandearth]

This and that

It's like a switch has flicked sometimes. I dislike how effected I am by PMS- nearly a sobbing mess with S the other night. But then the last time in bed, before he ghosted me, he fucked me without a condom and I almost felt nothing between my legs, zoned out and thinking about what I needed to do tomorrow.

Things have been better with the children at work recently. I'm relaxed and not my rabid anxious coyote of a self. Reading Sylvia Plath has been happy because the recent journal entries I'm reading have been happy-

"I can't stop effervescing: I have so many merry little pots bubbling away on the fire of my enthusiasm: Myron, future trips, modern poetry, yeats, sitwell, tseliot [...] maybe The New Yorker or the Atlantic (poems sent out make blind hope spring eternal- even if rejections are immanent) spring: biking, breathing, sunning, tanning"

Passages like that. Her diary entries sometimes sound exactly like the horny things you'd expect a teenage girl to write and think about:

"It has been so long- seven months at least, since I have felt the good black tides of lust drown and bathe me into relaxed slumbrous quiescence. Lying the length of him, kissed and cherished in his arms: how can I come back to the necessary intellectual disciplines of the real world again?"

I thought a lot about DF, the ex addict and current martial arts addict I met twice. I felt so much electricity when I was near him. Dry humping and feeling his sure hands around my waist. Being physically intimate with him was like getting to know a strange animal. There was a lot of controlled power there. He had told me some wild stories from his body guard days and showed me a video of him sparring. Later, when we sleepily made out in his bed, I asked him to choke me. Feeling his hand around my throat made me throb. I know I won't see him again but for a while it was fun to daydream about how nice it would be to suck him off. Happily gagging myself, basking in positive feedback.

~

Dinner to cap off the work week: Meaty creamy oysters, tender charred octopus skewer, chilled Gin martini with a touch of brine. I feel so deeply lucky to live in this city sometimes and to have an income that allows me some of these pleasures.

Yesterday: Sand, salt, water, Fin from a dating app. I had feeling we might get on and we did. Endless chats. We met on the agreed upon corner and immediately start flirting with eacher. It felt good to wrap my legs around his waist in the water. Sitting on a sand bank and letting the waves lap at our bodies gently. I'd forgotten, somehow, about the existence of physical chemistry and it's ability to manifest itself in my brain and body. It felt like lust hadn't reached me for a vast chunk of the year and here it was again. I'd forgotten how much I love the ocean. How much I love badly swimming- not enough to go anywhere, but enough to stay alive. Then a short walk back to his unit to rinse the sand off. Lots of languid warm exploring of each other. Reluctant boundaries put in place but it's fun to wait, so we will. Shoulders that are nice to touch. He told me a story about how he'd fractured his dick after being ridden too hard that was very funny.

Lying on his couch, he kissed my thighs after I told him I liked being kissed there, bringing his mouth closer and closer to my pussy. I'd told him before to please not to, but in his excitement he'd forgotten. "Don't worry, I won't eat your cunt" he'd said. Even in the context of sex I dislike that word but I didn't say anything about it. Then he pushed my shorts to the side, then my underwear. It took me a while to register that his mouth was on my vulva but the sharp rod of shock moved through me and I could feel myself tremble, tear up. I pushed him off me feebly. I had the thought: "He said he wouldn't put his mouth on me and then he did". Then the tears came along with a wave of emotion. But what really happened is that he didn't realise his mouth was where it was, lost in sweat and skin. I was more surprised at the sensation than truly upset.

I explained it to him while trying to stifle my tears. We moved to his bed to cuddle and talk about it. He kept apologizing and kissing my face after I'd told him what he'd done. Despite the mishap it felt productive, like we were communicating effectively. "Look at us. What a pair of good communicators we are," he'd said. I curled into him wordlessly. Willing myself to breathe evenly. I felt crazy, like I was being a burden with a big uncomfortable feelings. He dropped me off and we kissed once, slowly, before we parted.

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 1988 I was pissed cuz I slept till 4:00 today and never did my laundry. So I guess I’ll just stay up tonight cuz it’s got to get done tomorrow.

Tomorrow night, Andy and I are going to the Frontier, a gay bar, but I know that even if Maria’s there she’ll never want me and that if she does, she’ll be an asshole. Maria, who’s a friend of Bev’s, who’s a friend of Andy’s, is on her way out of the closet. Bev’s been out for years.

The thought of getting it on with someone who looks like Gloria, as Bev says she does, and who’s gorgeous, even if they’ll never love me, is awesome. Of course, I don’t want anyone around who drinks, does drugs, doesn’t understand or care for me, doesn’t accept me as I am, or that’ll cheat on me cuz they think I’m unattractive.

The thought of being kissed or touched still scares me, though. I’ve never been touched but only by two ugly males who were assholes, and not very many times. Of course, there was that Lloyd character, too.

I want someone I’m really attracted to and love. Why am I so picky, I don’t know, but it has to be the right person otherwise it just won’t feel right. In a way, I feel like I’m still a virgin. But will I ever find the right person who’s both good to me and beautiful? Oh, how I doubt it.

Saturday, Andy and I are going to Tammy’s, then to the beach. She’s having a tag sale that day.

I hate the way my hair looks and the shape of my body. I have the same gut and beach ball thighs I always had, and it feels like my hair will never be long again. It’s barely past my shoulders. The top still feels fried and straw-like.

Later…

I’m really looking forward to going to the Frontier with Andy, although I’m sure I’m getting my hopes up for no reason whatsoever. Especially about this Maria. I asked Andy, “What if Bev, who’s a druggie, is interested in me?”

He said that maybe she could take me to the places she goes to. I want Maria if she looks like Gloria, but I know I’ll never get her. If I do, she’ll probably just be an asshole.

I forgot to write that I dumped Mary about 3 days ago for constantly setting me up. We were supposed to go to the Big E and I got tired of the excuses. As Andy said, if she really wanted me, she’d find time to come and see me and stick to our dates. She’d always say she loved me and nothing about me turned her off and that she was lonely, too. Well, she’s always gonna be alone, and I can see why she’s been through 20 women, as she says she has.

But you know, I’m really glad it turned out this way, cuz she was the ugliest thing in the world and I could never picture myself in bed with her.

I’ve got a record of hers and if she wants it, she better come and get it, and she better get it when she says she’s gonna. There’s no way I’m gonna wait for hours after she calls saying she’s gonna get it. No way is this girl gonna jerk me around.

I love this perfume called Cache. It’s sexy. I’ve got my big round gold earrings on too and tomorrow night I’m gonna dress up nice.

This month I’ll need to buy a new journal for sure but I can’t remember where I got my second one, which was bigger and cheaper. The best place to go would probably be Johnson’s Bookstore.

Today I am definitely going to do my laundry so I can wear my pink mini-skirt to the bar tonight. I have so many clothes but I’m running out of underwear.

I’ll probably sleep an hour or two when it’s all done so I won’t be too tired for the bar but I’ll still get a good night’s sleep for tomorrow’s trip to Tammy’s and the beach. Can’t wait to go back again! We’ll climb the rocks, too. This time it will be just about totally dead. Char and Jim are in Florida and I’m sure all the others are gone, too. There’ll hardly be a soul around.

Later…

I am starting to feel sleepy but I want to stay up so I can go do my laundry. I just hope I have enough money. Tomorrow I get paid. I also want to buy a denim mini skirt this month and other clothes that at least fit. Maybe I can weasel some clothing money off ma, but God do I hope I stay thin! I doubt I would, though, if I ate more and didn’t take water pills.

I think I’ll go down to A.D.S. Fashions. They have nice clothes at reasonable prices.

Later…

I am now at the Laundromat on Main St. I hope that where I move to they have plumbing for your own washer and dryer, cuz if they do I’m getting Ma’s washer and dryer.

I just remembered I left a message for Nervous to call me and he’s probably trying to reach me now.

I’m gonna go next door for a bite to eat.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1988 Last night I got up at 2:30, stood up till 11:00, slept till 12:30, then grabbed the Feeding Hills bus to go see Debbie. It went ok, although I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was so tired. Too much medication. I need to drop my dose from 10mg to only 5mg. Also, my hay fever was killing me. My nose was so stuffed up and I bought some nasal spray at Shopper’s when I came back, but it didn’t help worth shit as Tammy said. Guess I’m gonna need to get a doctor.

Can you believe I haven’t seen the nervous bastard for over 3 weeks? I never felt better. I did talk to him once, though and I can’t believe he hasn’t called. Some friend he was!

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1988 Now that I’ve got the new song by the Beach Boys called Kokomo, they’re playing it on the radio all the time.

Fran is staying overnight. He’s sound asleep in the living room.

Andy was here at noon earlier today to teach me La Isla Bonita by Madonna. I’m doing excellent with my piano playing. Today after he left I played Sara and Talk to Me with the drums which I am going to practice more so I can surprise him. I even started to figure out Talk to Me on the harmonica last night by ear. I’m sure I could do it on my bamboo flute too.

I think I’ll make an appointment for my nose. I can’t breathe out of it. This is getting ridiculous. But the other dentist said it was not my wisdom teeth that were causing my sinuses to be so blocked up. It’s hay fever. Tammy said that nasal spray wouldn’t really help.

I got some sad news today when I called my shrink for a letter for Carabetta about how my cat helps me emotionally, cuz the inspector saw her today and said she’s not allowed. Dr. Donoghue died. His secretary said it was a sudden heart attack.

I’m so shocked that Nervous hasn’t tried to call me or come over. I wonder how he’s doing without me. I can just imagine how miserable and how much he probably spies. Maybe he’ll get swallowed up by a sinkhole.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 1988 I had a great time at my parent’s place for the Yom Kippur holiday dinner. We had Chinese food. Everybody’s favorite. I spent a lot of time with Lisa cuz she has a bad knee and can’t walk well. Tammy broke her arm by her elbow and has a cast on.

It really looks like my parents and sister are more on my side about my singing than they ever were before. And I also feel much closer to the family and have more faith in them. I think now they really can see how far I’ve come and understand my dreams and goals and are more supportive of me and my talents and abilities.

When I look back on the past it’s only to be thankful that I didn’t succeed in the foolish attempts I made to take my life. If I had died I’d never be alive to have become independent or as smart as I have or to get the voice I’ve got. Dad had a little talk with Tammy tonight and told her that I do have a voice and that whatever happens will happen and not to say what she’s said about my shrink being full of shit about not needing drugs. Believe me, I know when someone’s full of shit and when they aren’t.

I was upset and started to cry a bit as I said goodbye tonight, as tomorrow Mom and Dad are leaving for Florida. I’ll miss them but I’m happy they’re happy and doing the things they want to do. I guess they deserve it at their age.

Dad and I also talked about a relationship and children in the future. Right now it seems impossible, but of course, anything’s possible. It just seems so far away. I told him I wanted a child to take care of instead of everyone taking care of me. Also to teach my skills to and to hand down whatever I may have whenever I die.

But it really does look like my family’s on my side and isn’t labeling me “mental” anymore.

I just can’t help being so excited. I want to hurry up and move. Get on with my singing career. Do as much as I can. I want what’s considered a hectic schedule.

I really have been feeling 100% better lately both mentally and physically. I really must admit that this summer wasn’t nearly as bad as the last. My appetite’s come back, my sleeping habits are normal now. My attitude’s much more positive. Things are really starting to roll. Good things. I only hope I don’t get fat this winter but I have my water pills which help tremendously. I have gained two pounds, though.

I haven’t seen Nervous for nearly two weeks and I never felt better. What the hell did I ever need such a jerk like him around for? He was one problem after another and he was a very sick man. No doubt he’s probably getting his thrills spying. Let him. What other source of entertainment does the poor loser have?

Later…

Although I’m sleepy I just don’t feel like sleeping. I just want to stay up and write but first I think I’ll go into the kitchen where it’s easier.

I almost stepped on Sasha who is sleeping at the foot of the bed underneath the bedspread of the floor.

Ma said if I move by January 1st, she’ll fly me to Florida in December. Hopefully, I move by November or definitely before my b-day. One thing’s for sure and that is I’m really gonna miss Andy.

I’m just thinking about the nervous bastard and how lonely he’ll be. Just like he no doubt is now. I sure as hell don’t miss him, but maybe right before I move I’ll get in touch with him just to bug him. I do miss making him nervous. But overall he can go fuck himself.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 1988 Believe it or not, I’m at the beach!! Yes, I am actually on Old Colony Beach with Andy where we spent most of our summers as kids.

I saw Charlotte and Jim, long-time family friends, and also Natalie and Al. Everyone looks great. Natalie’s so slender. Still has all her freckles. Char’s looking fine, too.

I walked down to the rocks, and shit did my childhood memories come flying back! I could remember every shape and size of every rock. I also remember the things I did with my family and I remember Nana and Pa visiting and so much more. It’s kind of like I wish I could do it all again. Some parts of it, anyway. My life just totally crumbled when they sent me away. How can anyone be so sick and cruel? Especially my own parents?

We’re feeding the seagulls now. They help to keep the bees away. They’re eating Fritos and M&M’s.

Later…

We’re now on our way home after stopping for a bite to eat. I had fish-n-chips. Before that, we visited Char and Jim for a while. Carol and Bernie were there, too.

My writing is so shaky cuz it’s bumpy on the road.

Boy, do I need a good shower and shampoo. I’m all sandy and grubby but I think I got some color on my face.

The little dramatic storyteller started up again with the mouth last night. If it happens tonight, he’s history. I’ll smash his windows to get at him if I have to.

I’ve got to call Mary when I get home but I’m sure she won’t want to come over and spend the night, but that’s ok. I’d rather have someone gorgeous. Yes, that’s exactly what I need. Mary always has an excuse. We were going to the Big E fairgrounds tonight, but she has no money. Neither do I. Tonight would’ve been bad, though, cuz it’s raining. Why do I always get someone ugly or broke? She’s got to let go of her sister and worry about her own problems and making it out on her own. Maybe it’s a crutch. An excuse not to do something with her own life.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 1988 At 10:30, I went to see Ella May, an older woman who lives a few buildings down, who’s going to buy some books from me.

Now I’m at the Laundromat doing laundry which is very boring.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 1988 I have this miserable cold but the Sudafed I took helps to drain it a bit.

Dad’s going to be calling me at 9:30 to drive me to Food Mart where I intend to get quite a big order. Then he’s gonna drive me back here. I hope the weather is cool today cuz lugging groceries upstairs makes me wheeze. Especially when it’s hot.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1988 These duplexes that Tammy looked at have no graffiti, nice flowers and shrubs, a roller-skating rink and even your own driveway. They say the people are nice and it’s very large with a beautiful backyard. They say each house has 4 apartments on the first and second floors.

Mary came over for a while. Tomorrow we’re going to a movie. She’ll be staying over tomorrow night, too.

After Mary left, Nervous came over and he’s lucky there was no shit. I certainly won’t miss him when I move. I’m so sick of him. Let him try and come looking for me after I move, and there may be no writing on the walls, but there’ll be blood. That I can guarantee you.

I called Carabetta cuz the lights are out in both the front and the back.

Nervous has no car until Tuesday. I knew it’d break down.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1988 I’m making a TV dinner. I weigh 97 pounds. People are saying I’m starting to get too thin. I don’t think so. Not for my height. But I know I’ll eat every bite of the macaroni. I’m so hungry it feels as if my stomach is sticking to my ribs. I know I should eat more fruits and vegetables. I want to stay thin, although I’d probably feel much better if I were a little heavier. It makes you feel wimpy when you only weigh 97 pounds.

Later…

I stood up all night but I am now as tired as a dead drunk who had 20 shots of whiskey. I don’t even know if I want to see Debbie since I’ll be moving soon, and I probably shouldn’t get too involved in therapy until I move. We’ll see how I feel later. I’m wicked beat now.

Sometime today I was thinking of going to the bank to withdraw some money to finish photocopying. I might as well photocopy what I’ve started in this book too.

Also today, I’ve got to pay my rent and give them my amendment lease. Then I was considering doing some laundry and grocery shopping but I may be just too beat for grocery shopping so I’ll pick up a few things from Store 24. I could use some fruits and veggies.

Tonight I’ll try calling Phil again about the concert.

I think I’m gonna lie down for 2 or 3 hours. I need a little sleep at least.

Later…

I am quite pissed cuz I fell asleep this morning and never woke up till 4 PM.

The nervous bastard is standing outside my back door. He came knocking on my back door cuz he didn’t have any money to call me. I told him I wanted to go eat and he asked me if he could come back later. When I said no, he goes, “Well I’ll be back later anyway.”

Is that fucking desperate or what? Well, he can stand outside all night if he wants cuz he ain’t coming in.

I don’t know if Mary’s coming over later or not, but I wish she’d stop feeling sorry for herself and stop worrying about Margaret and Ray so much. She should get out and do more things. It’ll be better when she gets her car, but she always makes excuses such as she’s sick or tired.