#me @ daniel: why r u so stupid

[alexging]

dating sean diaz hcs pt 2

- before esteban fixed up a car for sean, u guys would always take the public bus around seattle

- his favorite dates r the ones where u guys go into random small stores and thrift shops

- both of u guys cackle REALLY LOUD at tacky shirts with stupid sayings and get looks from people 😭

- ur fav thing is to go “i found something ud like” and watch sean look up from the racks in excitement to see an overly patriotic shirt that says “don’t touch my truck”

- his face drops into a frown and he picks out something 10x uglier and say it looks like something ud wear

- sean secretly buys what u say is cute but u cant afford bc thrifting is so expensive for no reason these days

- “guess what i got” and he slithers it out of his bag with an evil smile 😭 suddenly him dissing u for an hour straight doesnt even matter anymore

- once esteban texts sean for dinner u guys hop on the bus back home. he never asks sean to come home for dinner alone though! common courtesy to invite the gf

- sharing wired earbuds on the bus ride home always. sean plays little love songs bc he only listens to music that he relates to in that specific moment 😭 corny but cute. he def has songs in his head that he thinks are ur guys’ songs and plays them every chance he gets

- when u first started eating with the diaz family it was so painfully awkward

- though he kind of likes it now, he did not want his girlfriend to get to know esteban or daniel too well LMAO he didnt want to be embarrassed by anything they possibly could say

- still, even when he tried so hard to avoid it, daniel and esteban still found their ways

- estebans the kind of dad to bring up embarrassing stories about sean when he was a kid bc he KNOWS how much his son would hate it

- “y’know (y/n), im surprised seanie boy over here even managed to get a girlfriend in the first place”

- “why is that, mr. diaz?”

- “i remember he thought girls couldn’t poop until he was in middle school! i had to break the news for him—he was in denial for weeks. his voice was shaking when i told him and everything!” u can see sean pause mid-chew in the corner of his eye 😭 “and please, call me esteban”

- you just awkwardly nodded and tried to not bust out laughing. sean notices and kicks u under the table which makes u ACTUALLY bust out laughing

- esteban and daniel knew from there u were one to be trusted

- “i bet (y/n) doesn’t poop” daniel randomly said when u left that night. seans immediately swiveled his head around 😭

- just like with lyla, daniel seemed to have a crush on u as well. the only difference is that sean tries to shut it down REALLY quick.

- “she shits all the time. sometimes i wipe her ass for her bc she shits so much”

- daniel’s “eww…” is like music to his ears

- u always playfully punch him when he does this in front of u and ask why he makes u look bad in front of him

- sean never admits its bc hes jealous of a little kid 😭 he just changes the subject and kisses u bc he thinks hes sneaky

- over the summer he randomly got a buzz and didnt say anything to anybody

- he just opened his front door standing there bald as if nothing happened and ur eyes wld just kind of widen

- u wld eventually tell him it looks good tho bc it DOES he pulls it off so well

- that summer u wld always randomly start feeling his head because the texture is so interesting

- it got to the point where hed just sit on the floor in front of wherever u were so ud get to feel his freshly mowed head

- he always ends up dozing off bc its so comforting and u wld feel his head pressed on ur inner leg.

- u also get the privilege of cutting/buzzing his hair 😋

- sean doesnt trust himself so u guys sit for 40 mins watching a brad mondo video before u start going ape on his hair

- he gets kind of nervous when u get close to his face and does that thing where u switch between a persons right eye and left eye while smiling awkwardly 😭

- surprisingly it turns out good!

- i feel like ud be super nit-picky on ur work, thinking its total ass. he wld just say its perfect over and over again

- he always stares at any reflective surface and smiles like a dork in front of it. even if u did do a shit job, he probably wouldnt notice or care all that much bc he loves blindly ❤️

im on winter break so i get to be cringe and free for endless hours thank u to like the 3 other people who also like sean diaz. u r all real ones

[nightcolorz]

truly on board the armand meta train this evening but you mentioned in a post earlier about how the amc iwtv fandom reacted to the depictions of SA with Claudia in s1 and how it was responded to with sensitivity, and then in s2 this does continue- but only for her. The amount of people i have seen on various platforms (mostly show only fans) believing that Armand was lying about his own sexual trauma and repeated assaults for his own gain (again seemingly for some fan’s need to have a clear villian)

It just feels really horrible that a fandom that reacted in such a way to this sort of material in the first season concerning a female character who was underage (if only physically), then goes on to deny, belittle, and even romanticise and sexualise the same sort of trauma that happened to a male character who was also underage (and also mentally as well as physically.) Especially because Claudia’s trauma was only added by the show, which makes it no less valid- but pointing out it was not in the books like Armand’s explicitly was.

I think what im trying to say with that is that Armand’s sexual trauma was already explicitly canon and adapted from that book canon to the show, whereas Claudia’s was a show invention yet is treated a lot more sensitivity and is being believed more (again, i think this is due to show watchers seeing anything Claudia says as objective truth as it is more through the eyes of Daniel- who is of course always completely right and fair (/s) compared to Louis and Armand who of course must always be twisting the truth in some way from their own gain)

Anyway i have gone on a bit but I would love to hear your thoughts on the show’s audience reaction to Claudia’s SA and trauma in comparison to Armand’s

ooo yes I love this question, I’ve thought about it before. the double standard there is honestly pretty upsetting to me. I think part of why the fandom treats Claudia’s sa differently than Armand’s is definitely partly bcus of what u said, how Armand is assumed to be never truthful and Claudia is considered always truthful, which is applied by some ppl to everything they say and do with no nuance. I think a part of it is also a broader fandom issue where male sexual assault isn’t considered as serious/valid/wrong etc as female sexual assault is. so you’ll find people in fandom spaces who believe and discuss how sexual violence against women is a sensitive subject that needs to be treated with care, then go and treat male sexual assault in fiction like it’s sexy, or funny, or not so serious. because of the bias of course that exists with real sexual violence where male victims r often less likely to be treated seriously, believed, etc then female victims. when u think about it, considering the pretty prevalent socially ingrained belief that men can’t be sexually assaulted or that sexual assault against men isn’t as serious as sexual assault against women combined with a chunk of the fandom’s tendency to interpret everything Armand does or says as malicious or deceitful, it makes sense that this would be a prevalent take, but god it’s so disgusting, I hate it.

Armand’s history of childhood sexual abuse is extremely important to his character, as u said it was in the books, and the reason it was adapted so faithfully is because u *can not* remove it or change it without completely rewriting Armand and changing a lot of his fundamental characteristics. So frankly, it’s so fucking stupid to see people saying he’s lying, as if that would not be a character assignation so drastic it would be absurdly stupid for any writer to come up with. It would be like, idk, saying Claudia lied about being turned into a vampire when she was a child and that she actually was over 18, or some shit like that. Like genuinely be so for real 😭. And I mentioned it in another ask but I can’t say it enough, it’s repulsive to insist that a fictional sexual abuse victim who’s history of sexual violence is actively incredibly impactful to everything he does is “lying for sympathy”. Like y’all need to realize that u r making disgusting implications about real victims of assault and u sound like actual freaks. Also u sound dumb lol, like USE UR BRAIN, how would Armand be lying or using his trauma to manipulate when he is clearly actively acting due to his trauma 😭

So many people who were talking about how sexual violence against women is super sensitive and the show needs to treat it with more care, making sure to add tws on their posts and to make respectful disclaimers and such, are now taking another character who was sexually assaulted and saying he is lying or manipulating or their making jokes about it because they see him as some villain only worthy of ridicule and nothing else. It’s gross!!

I think another part of it is probably how a lot of people only see victimhood as real or valid if they perceive the victim as none-complexly “good.” Since Claudia is perceived by the fandom as always in the right she is a real victim who deserves respect, and since Armand is the villain who’s in the wrong he is faking it or smth. In reality people who have experienced trauma, especially childhood sexual abuse as intense and horrible as what Armand went through, are very flawed!! And having flaws or being a bad person, especially when said flaws r very tied to the trauma itself, does not make someone in any way less of a victim!!

Armand was taught to believe that he is an actual object, he grew up in a dog eat dog world where there r men with power who use weaker people to stay in control and there are slaves who the men use for whatever they please, and he internalized that this is how he will always has to live bcus this is how the world works. Assad zaman literally said Armand doesn’t know what love is bcus he’s never experienced it 😭. Armand models every relationship he has after his relationship with Marius, who literally raped and abused him as a child, because he was the first person who ever loved him 😭 and armand is always chasing love because he has never truly felt it and doesn’t know why he feels so empty. Marius taught Armand that love is using someone for their body and hitting them when they disobey u. Of course he’s fucked up! Of course he sees his relationship with Louis as a transactional power grab where he’s either the master or the slave before he sees it as loyalty and trust and companionship, of course he betrays him ‼️. And like 😭 everything wrong with Armand and all of the fucked up shit he does can be tied to his trauma . Come oooonnn 😭🙏 he is not lying 💀 he’s not trying to manipulate Louis or “gain sympathy”, Jesus Christ.

the petty, book purist part of me is so annoyed that a somewhat irresponsible rape plot line that was added without as much care as it should have been, especially considering it wasn’t necessary to the character or the story and wasn’t in the books, is being treated with more validity and sympathy and respect then a male characters childhood sexual trauma that has shaped every aspect of how he functions and behaves. And that’s petty 😭 but like, I can’t say I’m wrong for being off put. This is genuinely mf gross.

thank uuuu for the ask u r literally the best ahhhh!!! I hope this was interesting, I’m a lil brain fried rn lol

[fillinforlater]

i kinda agrer w the anon like ig the older members r fine but if u plan on writing for new jeans rhe maknae is 14/15…

A measured Response

While I think the other anon who send the initially accusation is still the one sending asks to my inbox, I also think that you are another person. I will strengthen and steel-man your concerns/argument, though it will always baffle me that y'all have these ridiculous spelling errors. Seriously, guys, at least try to type coherent messages/a literal paragraph with no mistakes.

(To those of you who do, thank you <3)

For some fucking reason I feel like I have to make this a thing. I should not, really. These accusations are baseless, I'm not the thing he wants to frame me as, so on and so on, but because I think you are genuinely kinda worried what I meant, I'll explain it to you.

(I'm not sorry if I sound condescending or anything, because I am)

It started with this ask, which basically asked me:

"Do you plan on writing NewJeans in the future?"

Now, being human and (probably) understanding English as well as context, this is what I (and probably 99% of other people with the right context) assumed this person meant:

"Do you plan on writing a fic about any of the 18+ NewJeans members in the future?"

bUt tHaT iSnT wHaT tHeY aSkEd!?

You cannot possibly reach that conclusion. Seriously, go look at literally every fic I ever wrote. Age of the idols? Ranging from 30 something down to 18, the absolute hard legal and (I guess) moral minimum, the line I don't cross.

If you go to my page or just open this weird ass tab from Tumblr (fuck Tumblr), you see stuff like "18+ Girl Group fic writer" or "No minors" or (from my Biaslists & Writelist & Requests tab) "Remember that I said most and 18+. This automatically excluded all 18- idols... I won't write those." This is easily understandable, obvious context to the message from above.

Or did you think I would just write about literal new jeans, like an review or something? No, of course not.

Oh, you can also look at my response, like... I specifically mention Hanni and Danielle, two 18+ idols, very popular, probably the two (including I guess Minji) the asker probably meant.

Now the point where I might look like an idiot if I take you seriously:

I responded to the baseless accusation with a GIF of Hanni, the focus on an easily identifiable part (her ass). The response of the accuser (still in my inbox):

"You just admitted you're a pedo"

Wrong and cringe.

Granted, you did not know this message (if you are a different person), yet you still, after seeing the Hanni GIF decided to say this. Either you are fucking stupid or this is maliciously framing me. Pick your poison.

(BTW: You are stupid because Hanni is 18. International age. Whatever the fuck Koreans use/used to use does not count, but she is also "19"/an adult there)

If you now need it black on white (or white on black), here it goes:

I'm not a pedo. I'm even against idols debuting under the age of 18.

(Why did I even bother? I dunno man, now it's out of the system)

With that said, I got some ideas for a Hanni fic (still very basic, but god, she is gorgeous and hot) and for a Danielle fic (funnily, it's not even a smut).

Everyone, have a nice day and some pretty Minji <3

[hibiscussoupbowl]

Yk what ive already made all my statements abt the teen wolf movie on instagram but imma say it here

As much as i love and breath teen wolf, its not the perfect show which is fine bc recognizing that is what makes its good. The thing is the movie? Godawful. The one thing i can appreciate is that the movie had an opening and the graohic design was cool

My problems with it?

-the plotline being abt allison. I think alisson (is it allison or alisson?) Is a fine character especially in s3, however, you killed her off. That whole s3 ending was abt her dying and isaac leaves BECAUSE of allison dying. Now ur gonna reopen that plotline that was TIED OFF? Ur not even gonna get stiles or isaac back into play even tho theyre arguably the most important for that season. And ur not gonna tell us how s6 ended??? Even with a flashforward of 2 years??

-the fbombs. Im sorry, what? U make a show that doesnt use f bombs at all and u make it creepy and horror but when u make the movie thats r rated meaning u can go even harder... u use it on fbombs? Might i add in the worst way possible. "Darkness motherfucker" wow. It just sounds so cringey. Either use it once meaningfully or dont drop one at all. U managed to make s3 be creepy without it do it again

-why the absolute fuck was liam in japan. By the hour and a half mark that question wasnt explained and it never was. Him and this girl hikari (whos gr8 actually) are just in japan and i guess own a bar??? I dont even know what they are to eachother let alone how they ended up there. I only knew that they love eachother bc they say that in jpn but like still??? Is it a sibling ily or a were dating and ily?

-the actors. Im sorry but if ur gonna get all these actors like masons and parrish and malia and whoever but u give them like what one line? Mason had legit like 2 lines in that movie. And u dont even know how he beacme a police officer! He just is! And they dont even say anything abt corey??? U could easily get his actor i know he aint doin anything rn. Liam and hikari? Also have like 3 lines in the movie

-personal thing lol but not everyone looks good with a beard and a shaved head

-lydia and stiles. Just bc u coudnt get dylan obrien cuz hes like the most succesful does NOT mean u just break up the couple that u built for six. seasons. You couldve said literally anything you couldve said stiles was dealing with some fbi shit or another supernatural disaster. Lydia having the dream? Tragic but stiles wouldnt have cared bc he loves her and wouldve just wanted to be with her forever.

-how can u not tell us who elis mother is. We ALLLL wanna know who derek banged im sorry but he slept with the enemy like three times and with his history and family history everyone just wants to know who it was.

-dereks death. WHAT THE FUCK this man survived a *pipe* going thru his back for like 10 minutes and survived, got brutally slashed and survived and ur telling me he died by magical fire. Sure teen wolf sure.

-if ur gonna introduce a character like alec in the season finale, bring him into play somehow recast him idc but do smt. Even nolan! Someone !

-what was with the whole nogitsune temple thing?? It was so... not scary at all and it looked bad. Like idk it was just so kiddy. Like oh noooo we re trapped bc we re tied to a pole with rope -_-

-sorry but again why continue a plotline that has been tied off? And not continue with the one that was open ended when u cant even get the significant actors for the s3 plotline? Bring daniel sharman into play, medicis over he has the freetime.

-malia and scott breaking up is also stupid bc again they were "endgame" and they had no reason to break up other than the fact that allison was alive again and for plot reasons.

-harrison coming back was so stupid i was so glad they killed him off even tho i guess they never found his body. I was hoping

-are argent and melissa not dating anymore? Its been like 3 months since ive seen the movie so i dont rememeber that but if they arent, why are the writers/producers, whoever, so desperate to break up everything great they had goin at the end of the show.

The interesting parts of the movie were

-the intro

-elis backstory with his dad, except why would u hate derek its literally tyler hoechlin

-and scott having an animal clinic bc i think thats funny

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[snailg0th]

here’s my giant leftist to-read list for the next few years!!!

if a little (done!) it written next to the book, it means i’ve finished it! i’m gonna try to update this as i read but no promises on remembering haha

Economics/Politics

Property by Karl Marx

Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx (done!)

Wages, Price, and Profit by Karl Marx (done!)

Wage-Labor and Capital by Karl Marx (done!)

Capital Volume I by Karl Marx

The 1844 Manuscripts by Karl Marx

Socialism: Utopian and Scientific by Fredrich Engles

Synopsis of Capital by Fredrich Engels

The Principles of Communism by Fredrich Engles

Imperialism, The Highest Stage Of Capitalism by Vladmir Lenin

The State And Revolution by Vladmir Lenin

The Revolution Betrayed by Leon Trotsky

Fascism: What is it and How to Fight it by Leon Trotsky

In Defense Of Marxism by Leon Trotsky

The Accumulation of Capital by Rosa Luxemborg

Reform or Revolution by Rosa Luxemburg

Discipline and Punish by Michel Foucault

The Conquest of Bread by Peter Kropotkin

On Anarchism by Noam Chomsky

Profit over People by Noam Chomsky

An Introduction to Marxist Economic Theory by Ernest Mandel

The Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith

The Postmodern Condition by Jean François Lyotard

Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher

The Socialist Reconstruction of Society by Daniel De Leon

Anarchism and Other Essays by Emma Goldman

Socialism Made Easy by James Connolly

Race

Biased: Uncover in the Hidden Prejudice That Shapes What We See, Think, and Do

Blindspot by Mahzarin R. Banaji

Racism Without Racists: Color-blind Racism And The Persistence Of Racial Inequality In America by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva

How To Be Less Stupid About Race: On Racism, White Supremacy And The Racial Divide by Crystal M. Flemming

This Book is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How To Wake Up, Take Action, And Do The Work by Tiffany Jewell & Aurelia Durand

The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism For The Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs

Tell Me Who You Are by Winona Guo & Priya Vulchi

The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race by Jesymn Ward

Class, Race, and Marxism by David R. Roediger

America for Americans: A History Of Xenophobia In The United States by Erica Lee

The Politics Of The Veil by Joan Wallach Scott

A Different Mirror A History Of Multicultural America by Ronald Takaki

A People’s History Of The United States by Howard Zinn

Black Theory

The Wretched Of The World by Frantz Fanon

Black Marxism by Cedric J Robinson

Malcolm X Speaks by Malcolm X

Women, Culture, and Politics by Angela Davis

Women, Race, & Class by Angela Davis (done!)

Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Davis (done!)

The Meaning of Freedom by Angela Davis

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

Ain’t I A Woman? by Bell Hooks

Yearning by Bell Hooks

Dora Santana’s Works

An End To The Neglect Of The Problems Of The Negro Women by Claudia Jones

I Am Your Sister by Audre Lorde

Women’s Liberation And The African Freedom Struggle by Thomas Sankara

W.E.B. DuBois Essay Collection

Black Reconstruction by W.E.B. DuBois

Lynch Law by Ida B. Wells

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Sula by Toni Morrison

Song Of Solomon by Toni Morrison

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Paradise by Toni Morrison

A Mercy by Toni Morrison

This Bridge Called My Back by Cherríe Moraga

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Dr. Brittney Cooper

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Black Skins, White Masks and The Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon

Killing of the Black Body

Revolutionary Suicide by Huey P Newton

Settlers; The myth of the White Proletariat

Fearing The Black Body; The Racial Origins of Fatphobia

Freedom Dreams; The Black Radical Imagination

How Capitalism Underdeveloped Black America

How Europe Underdeveloped Africa

An Argument For Black Women’s Liberation As a Revolutionary Force by Mary Anne Weathers

Voices of Feminism Oral History Project by Frances Beal

Ghosts In The Schoolyard: Racism And School Closings On Chicago’s South Side by Eve L. Ewing

Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon To White America by Michael Eric Dyson

Why We Can’t Wait by Martin Luther King, Jr.

Fatal Invention: How Science, Politics, Big Business, Re-create Race In The 21st Century by Dorothy Roberts

We Gon’ Be Alright: Notes on Race & Resegregation by Jeff Chang

They Can’t Kill Us All: Ferguson, Baltimore, and a New Era In America’s Racial Justice Movement by Wesley Lowery

The Common Wind by Julius S. Scott

Black Is The Body: Stories From My Grandmother’s Time, My Mother’s Time, And Mine by Emily Bernard

We Were Eight Years In Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates

American Lynching by Ashraf H. A. Rushdy

Raising Our Hands by Jenna Arnold

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

When Affirmative Action Was White: An Untold History of Racial Inequality in Twentieth-Century America by Ira Katznelson

Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affects Us and What We Can Do

Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine

Left of Karl Marx: The Political Life Of Black Communist Claudia Jones by Carole Boyce Davies

Black Studies Manifesto by Darlene Clark

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

The Souls Of Black Folk by W.E.B. Du Bois

Darkwater by W.E.B. Du Bois

The Education Of Blacks In The South, 1860-1935 by James D. Anderson

The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery And The Making Of American Capitalism by Edward E. Baptist

The Color Of Money: Black Banks And The Racial Wealth Gap by Mehrsa Baradaran

A Black Women’s History Of The United States by Daina Ramey Berry & Kali Nicole Gross

The Price For Their Pound Of Flesh: The Value Of The Enslaved, From Womb to Grave, In The Building Of A Nation by Daina Ramey Berry

North Of Slavery: The Negro In The Free States, 1780-1869 by Leon F. Litwack

Black Stats: African Americans By The Numbers In The Twenty-First Century by Monique M. Morris

Pushout: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools by Monique M. Morris

40 Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, And Redemption of The Black Athlete by William C. Rhoden

From #BlackLivesMatter To Black Liberation by Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor

A More Beautiful And Terrible History: The Uses And Misuses Of Civil Rights History by Jeanne Theoharis

Medical Apartheid: The Dark History Of Medical Experimentation On Black Americans From Colonial Times To The Present by Harriet A. Washington

Working At The Intersections: A Black Feminist Disability Framework” by Moya Bailey

Theory by Dionne Brand

Black Women, Writing, And Identity by Carole Boyce Davies

Slavery By Another Name: The Re-enslavement Of Black Americans From The Civil War To World War II by Douglass A. Blackmon

Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

Some Of Us Are Very Hungry Now by Andre Perry

The Origins Of The Urban Crisis: Race and Inequality In Postwar Detroit by Thomas Surgue

They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib

Beyond Containment: Autobiographical Reflections, Essays and Poems by Claudia Jones

The Black Woman: An Anthology by Toni McCade

Double Jeopardy: To Be Black and Female by Frances Beal

How We Get Free: Black Feminism and the Combahee River Collective by Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor

Indigenous Theory

Colonize This! by Daisy Hernandez and Bushra Rehman

As We Have Always Done

Braiding Sweetgrass

Spaces Between Us

The Sacred Hoop by Paula Gunn Allen

Native: Identity, Belonging, And Rediscovering God by Kaitlin Curtice

An Indigenous People’s History Of The United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz

Why Indigenous Literatures Matter by Daniel Heath Justice

Highway of Tears: A True Story of Racism, Indifference, And The Pursuit Of Justice For Missing And Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls by Jessica McDiarmid

The Other Slavery by Andrés Reséndez

Seven Fallen Feathers by Tanya Talaga

All Our Relations: Indigenous Trauma In The Shadow Of Colonialism by Tanya Talaga

All Our Relations: Finding The Path Forward by Tanya Talaga

Everything You Wanted To Know About Indians But Were Afraid To Ask by Anton Treuer

Rez Life: An Indian’s Journey Through Reservation Life by David Treuer

Latine Theory

Borderlands/La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldúa

Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of Pillage of A Continent by Eduardo Galeano

Inventing Latinos: A New Story of American Racism by Laura E. Gomez

De Colores Means All Of Us by Elizabeth Martinez

Middle Eastern And Muslim Theory

How Does It Feel To Be A Problem? Being Young And Arab In America by Moustafa Bayoumi

We Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial Future by Deepa Iyer

Alligator and Other Stories by Dima Alzayat

API Theory

Orientalism by Edward Said

The Making Of Asian America by Erika Lee

On Gold Mountain by Lisa See

Strangers From A Different Shore: A History of Asian Americans by Ronald Takaki

They Called Us Enemy (Graphic Novel) by George Takei

Yellow Peril!: An Archive of Anti-Asian Fear by Edited by John Kuo Wei Tchen and Dylan Yeats

Yellow: Race In America Beyond Black And White by Frank H. Wu

Alien Nation: Chinese Migration In The Americas From The Coolie Era Through World War II by Elliott Young

The Good Immigrants: How The Yellow Peril Became The Model Minorities by Madeline H. Ysu

Asian American Dreams: The Emergence Of An American People by Helen Zia

The Myth Of The Model Minority: Asian Americans Facing Racism by Rosalind S. Chou & Joe R. Feagin

Two Faces Of Exclusion: The Untold Story Of Anti-Asian Racism In The United States by Lon Kurashige

Whiteness

White Fragility by Robin Di Angelo (done!)

White Kids: Growing Up With Privilege In A Racially Divided America by Margaret A. Hagerman

Waking Up White by Deby Irving

The History of White People by Nell Irvin Painter

White Like Me: Reflections On Race From A Privileged Son by Tim Wise

White Rage by Carol Anderson

What Does It Mean To Be White: Developing White Racial Literacy by Robin DiAngelo

The Invention of The White Race: Volume 1: Racial Oppression and Social Control by Theodore W. Allen

The Invention of The White Race: Volume 2: The Origin of Racial Oppression in Anglo-America by Theodore W. Allen

Immigration

Call Me American by Abdi Nor Iftir

Create Dangerously: The Immigrant Artist At Work by Edwidge Danticat

My Family Divided by Diane Guerrero

The Devil’s Highway: A True Story by Luis Alberto Urrea

The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio

Enrique’s Journey by Sonia Nazario

Tell Me How It Ends: An Essay In Forty Questions by Valeria Luiselli

Voter Suppression

One Person, No Vote: How Voter Suppression Is Destroying Our Democracy by Carol Anderson

Give Us The Vote: The Modern Struggle For Voting Rights In America by Ari Berman

Prison Abolition And Police Violence

Abolition Democracy by Angela Davis

Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis

The Prison Industrial Complex by Angela Davis

Political Prisoners, Prisons, And Black Liberation by Angela Davis

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson (done!)

The End Of Policing by Alex S Vitale

Invisible No More: Police Violence Against Black Women and Women of Color by Andrea J. Ritchie

Choke Hold: Policing Black Men by Paul Butler

From The War On Poverty To The War On Crime: The Making Of Mass Incarceration In America by Elizabeth Hinton

Feminist Theory

The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

A Vindication of the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft

Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay

7 Feminist And Gender Theories

Race, Gender, And Class by Margaret L. Anderson

African Gender Studies by Oyèrónkẹ́ Oyěwùmí

The Invention Of Women by Oyèrónkẹ́ Oyěwùmí

What Gender Is Motherhood? by Oyèrónkẹ́ Oyěwùmí

Feminism Without Borders: Decolonizing Theory, Practicing Solidarity by Chandra Talpade Mohanty

I Am Malala by Malala Youssef

LGBT Theory

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler

Performative Acts and Gender Constitution by Judith Butler

Imitation and Gender Insubordination by Judith Butler

Bodies That Matter by Judith Butler

Excitable Speech by Judith Butler

Undoing Gender by Judith Butler

The Roots Of Lesbian And Gay Opression: A Marxist View by Bob McCubbin

Compulsory Heterosexuality And Lesbian Existence by Adrienne Rich

Decolonizing Trans/Gender 101 by B. Binohan

Gay.Inc: The Nonprofitization of Queer Politics by Merl Beam

Pronouns Good or Bad: Attitudes and Relationships with Gendered Pronouns

Transgender Warriors

Whipping Girl; A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity

Stone Butch Blues by Lesie Feinberg (done!)

The Stonewall Reader by Edmund White

Sissy by Jacob Tobia

Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein

Butch Queens Up In Pumps by Marlon M. Bailey

Black On Both Sides: A Racial History Of Trans Identities by C Riley Snorton

Go Tell It On The Mountain by James Baldwin

Ezili’s Mirrors: Imagining Black Queer Genders by Omise’eke Natasha Tinsley

Lavender and Red by Emily K. Hobson

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[iliumheightnights]

Daniel Stark (OC) Fluff ABC

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?) - Daniel has two things that he finds the most attractive, personality and looks. The guy can be the hottest guy ever, but they won’t get anywhere without being a good person. “Luckily Peter is both hot AND a good boy.”

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?) - Oh for sure Daniel wants a family. Eventually, He and Peter will have kids. Now, how many? That’s still being figured out. “We’re naming our son Benjamin. I think that’s a given.” Daniel says making Peter cry.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?) - Little spoon, face pressed into Peter’s chest. He’s like a koala. Tony has walked into the living room many times to find the two passed out and clinging onto each other. “Pft. Gross.”

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?) - It really depends on what he and Peter want to do. If they’re feeling romantic they can be SO romantic. Daniel pulls out all the stops for Peter, not leaving out any details. If they’re both feeling lazy but still want to do something, Daniel will conjure up food for them and watch movies.

“I hope you’re enjoying date night Peter.”

“I am! Still can’t believe we’re at a restaurant at the bottom of the ocean.”

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)) - “You’re my entire universe, Peter. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?) - Daniel started feeling...feelings for Peter when he saw how the boy really did care for people and protected them no matter what. But he knew he was in LOVE when he saw the way Peter laughed at his dad’s stupid jokes like they were the best treasure in the world.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?) - It depends really. Daniel IS a gentle person by nature...but sometimes, especially in bed, he can get rough.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?) - Believe it or not, Daniel actually doesn’t like holding hands. He does if Peter really wants some, but Danny doesn’t like how holding hands makes him feel clammy. However, he totally does grab Peter’s hand if things start looking bad or scary.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?) - Oh, Daniel and Peter got off on such a bad start. Daniel saw Peter as a replacement to him even though Tony tried to make it clear that wasn’t the case. Of course, that didn’t mean anything when he saw how Tony and Peter acted together. Daniel constantly tormented Peter at the beginning and used his magic to prank him all the time.

“Danny, I love you, you’re my son. So please...please stop messing with Peter.”

“I will when you two stop trying to replace me.”

“We’re not replacing you! Now please, get rid of that spider.”

“Mr.Stark please help me! It’s so big!”

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?) - Oh yes. Yes, Daniel gets very jealous. I mean take how he reacted to Peter and Tony at first. Then after they started dating anyone who flirted with Peter was in the danger zone. It was even worse because by then, Daniel had mastered more of his magic.

“Danny come on. Change him back!” Peter said as he lifted up his hand with a three-inch tall guy on it that Daniel had shrunk.

“I will when he apologizes for flirting with you.”

“Danny…”

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?) - He loves to give passionate kisses. He wants all of his love to pour into Peter. He also of course does the quick pecks on the cheek when in a rush or feeling spontaneous. I feel like Peter actually would have been the one to start the first kiss. It was probably after some big battle and he just had that adrenaline to do it.

“Oh...sorry.”

Daniel of course pulled him right back in for more.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?) - Oh this is a hard one. I might have to come back to it.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?) - Their favorite memory together would probably be when Tony had sent them both on a ‘business trip to the Carribeans and they got to relax for an entire two weeks. They got to stay in the Stark vacation house there and got to just be a couple and not heroes or a Stark.

“Can we not go back? Can we just...stay here forever?”

“I agree. Let’s tell dad we just got lost.”

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?) - Daniel really does spoil Peter. Daniel likes to show his love through gifts and will buy ridiculous things just because he thinks Peter will like them. It’s easier for Daniel, not only cause he’s a Stark, but because he can conjure literally anything Peter wants.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?) - Red is the color that always makes him think of Peter. Especially if it’s paired with blue and black. It’s mostly because of his suit.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?) - Daniel has totally called Peter: Petey, Spidey, Honey, bug-boy.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?) - Cuddles. Daniel is a serial cuddler and he wants lots of them when he can. Peter doesn’t object, he loves cuddles too.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?) - Honestly Daniel was probably the one to create the rain. Usually Danny tries his water magic whenever it rains or if he’s not feeling it, continue whatever he was doing inside. Honestly, a rainy day doesn’t change anything except his mood. He really likes when it rains.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?) - Daniel crashes in bed whenever he’s sad. That or he escapes to his own pocket dimension because when he’s sad, his magic could start to get away from him and he doesn’t need that to happen.

If someone else is upset, he’ll do everything in his power to make them feel better. From using his magic to just sitting and talking. Anything.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?) - Honestly just mention something about magic or dinosaurs and he’ll talk your ears off about them. He also loves talking about his family, but he likes to keep what he says pretty close to him.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?) - Spending time with his dads or with Peter is a big help. He also loves to write to let things out.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?) - His dads and Peter. They’re the best things in his life and he loves showing them off. Not even his magic gets as much attention as they do.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?) - Call him a sap. Daniel will propose to Peter in his dad’s lab where they first met saying exactly that. However, neither are ready for that just yet so...mark that in your calendar.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?) - the lightning strike by snow patrol.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?) - Oh yeah, Daniel totally thinks of it. But again, they’re both too young and neither are ready for it, so they’re going to take their time and not rush things.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?) - They end up getting a cat and dog. Daniel wanted a cat and Peter wanted a dog. Neither would compromise so that’s how they ended up with both.

[philliamwrites]

Ocean Eyes, Golden Mind

Fandom: All For The Game (Nora Sakavic)

Pairing: Neil/Andrew

Tags: #math nerd neil, #neil with glasses, #no exy

Summary: In which Neil hates his new prescribed glasses until they attract the interest of a certain Andrew Minyard.

Commissioner: Ziegenkind

Notes: Title taken from Billie Eilish’s ‘Ocean Eyes.’

Ocean Eyes, Golden Mind

Dude, it’s just a frat party. Who doesn’t go to frat parties?

     The message flashes Neil’s screen white, its sender none other than his roommate Nicky who is supposed to study for an upcoming test in Public Policy in exactly nineteen hours. That’s what Neil writes him. Nicky’s reply comes instantly.

Those who study tend not to party. You know. Like you.

     Neil leaves him on read. If he wants to party, he’ll lock himself inside his room, two bottles of Jack Daniel’s by his side while watching every existing compilation of cats attacking people on the small screen of his phone. He knows how to have a good time, alright. Not everyone has to set their scale like Nicky: More than once Neil has been the spectator of him coming back to the dormitory completely wasted, but still eager enough to get frozen waffles from the fridge. Being too drunk to put them in the toaster, he usually just climbs up to his top bunk and puts them between his thighs to eat them partially defrosted. It’s this fragile line between genius and stupidity that has Neil doubting if he should fill in a request for changing roommates or just live with the fact that Nicky Hemmick is one special kind of man.

    So instead of spending his night curled into himself, wall against his back and eyes on every stranger distributing awful shots, Neil sits at the Math Tutoring Centre on the west side of the campus and gives group tutoring sessions.

    Math comes to Neil like breathing. Like Bertrand Russel said, not only does Mathematics possess truth, but supreme beauty—a beauty cold and austere, like that of a sculpture. It is sublimely pure, and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show. It is poetry—elegant and deep—of logical ideas to create harmony in a written line. Once he tried to explain that to Nicky over microwaved Mac n Cheese with Girls running in the background, clearly overestimating him, because Nicky only stared into space for a few seconds, and replied, “You really need to get laid, man.”

    Reluctant at the beginning, Neil only agreed to join the Tutor Program because his math professor promised to throw in some extra cash. Something about raising the graduate numbers in order to get the board of education off his back. That’s where Neil’s jurisdiction of interest ends, but he has enjoyed it more than expected—the empty hallways, the harsh light of the ceiling lamps, the smell of chalk, the faint echoes of students still lingering in classrooms. There’s this magic about the Palmetto State University at night—a vulnerability that can only live once the sun sets behind the horizon. When else would he find a kid sleeping under a table in the library, or seniors breaking down in tears for exact 10 minutes before continuing their studies as if nothing has happened.

    There’s another reason he’d rather spend his evening on campus, one Nicky doesn’t need to know because then Neil won’t hear the end of it. That reason being 5’0’’ tall chemistry prodigy Andrew Minyard, sitting in the last row of Neil’s math sessions each Friday. He only knows about him thanks to Nicky’s never-ending complaints, but that never really stopped him from throwing a few or more glances in Andrew’s direction. Just curiosity, of course.

    So when he stands in front of the blackboard now, putting away his lesson papers which are full of numbers and equations—the kind that has enough letters to look like sentences—he feels dozens eyes burn holes in the back of his neck, and one pair belongs to Andrew. No one asks why he’s here, but everyone knows he doesn’t need to be.

    In his one year of giving tutoring sessions, Neil has learnt that exactly three types of students exist: Students who are really good, certainly not in need of the extra lessons, but going anyway for some extra ego-buff and unnecessary brain-flexing. The second type is students who are okay, doing their tasks, following the lesson, not really attracting any attention safe for some crude jokes. The last type has Neil questioning his belief in the educational system of the whole state because he doesn’t understand how they are allowed inside the sacred halls of PSU.

    Andrew is a special type on his own—the enigma that keeps Neil awake at two in the morning because he’s desperate to solve it, but without knowing where to start, he’s just running in circles. His fingers itch to solve an equation with multiple variables, to find the solution to a problem and get it off his mind.

    He doubts it will be this easy with Andrew.

    “Before we continue to look at scalar products in R- and C-vector spaces, we’ll consider bilinear and semi-bilinear forms in general, and link them to matrices for their representation to chosen bases.” Neil’s hand flies across the board, leaving letters and parenthesizes that look like bizarre drawings—art in its most complex form. Once he’s finished, he takes a step away, wipes the chalk on his fingers off on his jeans, and turns to his audience. “What happens to this equation with the semi-bilinear form σ?”

    Two hands shoot up immediately. He ignores them; no need to feed their ego, and instead picks a freshman who’s been staring at his phone for the last ten minutes. Making way, Neil moves back to the student’s seats and leans against a desk.

    Is it the farthest place away from the board? It is.

    Is it the closest that will get him to Andrew? Might be so.

    It certainly gives him a good look at what Andrew’s been doing since Neil started—and that is not solving a single task on the paper Neil has handed out at the beginning of the session. Andrew, apparently bored before it even started, has taken out a slip of paper with a sudoku puzzle on it and is solving it against his leg, completely linked out of the instruction.

    Neil tries not to stare too much at Andrew’s bare arms, and instead looks back at the board.

    “Does that look right?” the freshman—Rhys or Rheeze or something like that—asks, turning around.

    Neil narrows his eyes and squints at the board. He can’t make out a single thing, and that’s bad, yes, but his feet betray him, staying rooted where they are instead of reducing the distance until he can distinguish σ from a.

    “Where does the l come from,” he asks. Multiple heads snap in his direction.

    “That’s a j, Josten,” someone says from the other side of the room.

    Neil squints harder. “And the u?”

    “A μ.”

    “No, it’s a v,” a girl next to Neil says, and that’s when the everyone starts shouting about what’s on the board and what isn’t.

    Neil bears it for a solid minute before he surrenders. He pulls a small case from his pocket, opens it. Puts his glasses on.

    The whole room goes silent.

    Neil checks the equation, nods. “Correct. Who’s next?”

    Multiple people stir, one manages to get up, and walks straight into a table leg. Neil questions that ‘straight’, because only then the freshman guy stops staring at Neil and steers his attention to the equation on the blackboard.

    It was a bad idea, and Neil still hates Allison for forcing him to go. She’d dragged him to the doctor last week to get his eyes tested, annoyed by his never-ending questions of ‘What’s written there?’ or ‘Is that a six or an eight?’.

    “They’re my eyes,” Neil had said, arms crossed as he sat in the office and waited for his turn.

  �� “And it’s me who has to see your ugly squinting face,” Allison had replied.

    Two hours later Neil had finally his prescriptions but that didn’t mean he was free from Allison’s clutches. He would have been fine with some glasses from the dollar store, but she insisted that if he’s going to wear them more than once a day, he should get designer glasses—thin frames and a color that matches his copper hair. She suggested gold. Neil picked black. The look of disappointment on Allison’s face was something that deserved its own painting to commemorate it. But once they’d finally chosen the right pair, she’d given him the very same look most of the students are giving him now—a mix between slight awe and disbelief as if he’s grown a second head. Or owes them all a month’s worth of lunch money.

    “Well,” had Allison said at least, turning away to pack up and go home. “Tigers have their stripes. I have my eyeliner.” She threw him another scrutinizing look over her shoulder. “You have your glasses.” If it was supposed to make him feel better, it didn’t work, and right now he regrets nothing more than allowing Allison to drag him around.

    Neil’s eyes land on Andrew’s sudoku puzzle, now half-hidden under his papers, and he sees now that he isn’t even solving the thing, but simply coloring in the empty squares.

    He takes a second too long and meets Andrew’s eyes staring back at him.

    “Problem, Josten?” Andrew asks with a blank expression, tapping the end of his pen against his monochrome picture of black and white squares.

    Neil wants to see how far he can push until he walks against a brick wall and breaks something. He returns his gaze to the board but feels Andrew’s eyes like a solid touch on the back of his neck.

    After the session, the students hurry outside, still throwing curious glances over their shoulders at Neil and if he could merge with the back of his chair and disappear forever, that would be totally okay. It isn’t until a shadow looms above him that he looks up from his own homework and draws in a careful breath when Andrew towers above him.

    Neil raises an eyebrow. “Problem, Minyard?”

    Andrew’s face gives nothing away, and when he stretches out a hand, Neil doesn’t flinch. His glasses slip off easily, held between Andrew’s thumb and index finger.

    “Nicky told me he’s trying to convince you to join him tomorrow,” Andrew says. Neil needs a second, because that is the most words he’s heard out of Andrew’s mouth.

    “I have no reason to go,” Neil says, his eyes jumping up and down, from the equation that makes his sight blur to Andrew leaning his slender waist against the table.

    “You have one now.” It’s barely neutral enough to not sound like a threat, but Neil stares at Andrew nonetheless, and when he puts Neil’s glasses on, Neil’s heart does a weird stutter. He’s still starring at Andrew when he leaves the room, and no, his eyes don’t stray, they stay on Andrew’s broad back, and if they dip lower it’s because of the light.

    Once he’s alone, Neil takes a deep breath, exhales slowly. Puts his head in his arms and counts to ten in French first, then again in German. His heart still does this weird thing, trying to bruise his ribs from the inside.

    He gets his phone, texts Nicky he’ll go to the frat party tomorrow and puts it away, not interested in his roommate’s reply. There’s still the equation he needs to solve, but for the first time Neil’s heart isn’t really into math, and he is quite alright with it.

[mooifyourecows]

hey moo! u r actually my go to person to hate on jkr- so i personally would rather see her on a missing person poster than a live action harry potter show poster but! what are your thoughts on the live action harry potter show coming out!

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Every new Harry Potter thing is putting more money in JKR's pocket. Which sucks. The only thing she deserves in her pocket is an angry hornet nest.

And ill be real honest with you.

I don't really care about Harry Potter that much. I read a couple of the books and I watched all the movies. I lived through the hype of the movies coming out one by one and I enjoyed running off to the theater to see them but I don't have any deep feelings for it outside of my absolute adoration of Daniel Radcliffe. But who needs to support Dan Radcliffe through Harry P when Swiss Army Man and Guns Akimbo exist???????????

Honestly I just don't think its THAT good. And my hatred for JKR and all the realizations of how she incorporated her prejudices into the books have made me care for it even less. And the spin off or prequel or whatever? Literally do not care and did not even know it existed until Johnny Depp was getting fired off of it. A bad move if anybody wanted me to ever consider thinking about it a second time.

I also have this problem where once something overstays its welcome, I just get annoyed. Like... why are they still making Star Wars movies? Why are there more Dragon Ball episodes???? Why the fuck is WandaVision a thing and can I spit on whoever is still beating these ultra dead horses?

Please let things end. PLEASE let things end.

I would much rather see writers and studios putting their energy into making something NEW than see these looooong and drawn out continuations of things that haVE ENDED PLEASE GOD JUST LET SOMETHING END AND STAY ENDED PLEASE.

I think that constantly rebooting and continuing things is lazy. Not to say that the stories themselves aren't good. Hell, they might be. I dunno. I never waste time watching/reading them. But I think its relying too heavily on the name and the already existing fans.

And UHM thats FANFICTION'S JOB.

This shit is just fanfiction at this point. But its taken more seriously than fanfiction. People are literally buying the rights to sell their hyped up fanfic to millions of people and those people just believe its new, original content and not ewie stupid grosso fanfiction but ITS FANFICTION!

And you know me. I LOVE fanfiction. Obviously. I am not throwing shade at the fact that its fanfiction. I'm throwing shade at the fact that its so dishonest and money grubbing. I'm angry that people that don't read fanfic and think that its bad all use 50 Shades of Grey and After as representations of fanfic in order to mock it and consider it NOT GOOD writing but then go rabid over getting Mandalorian episodes like BRO thats fanfic. I dont care how attached to the original or approved by George Lucas it is.

Its fanfic dressed up as "REAL" writing and it just further reinforces people's bad attitudes about the fanfic we over here producing.

And its all about money. Money money money. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have an entire room filled with gold coins that I can swim around in like Scrooge McDuck, but these people already have that from the original work they did. JKR already had a stupid amount of money before the movies came out and George Lucas already had a stupid amount of money before the prequels were released.

And yet they keep going. They're never satisfied. And its not just them. Their studios and managers and producers just keep greasing up their assholes for more and more and more and good god.

They are willing to bastardize a good thing for the sake of money and its so sad.

Its so sad that Nickelodeon is ignoring a dead man's wishes and making a spin-off of SpongeBob that looks like literal garbage and lacks every bit of whimsy and fun of Stephen Hillenburg's original vision.

Its depressing. And the only reason for it is more money.

NOW. I know I kinda went off there but... ya know me. Can't keep my opinions to myself 😋

So theres gonna be a new Harry P show on HBO Max.

HBO Max.

I mean... if you watch it, be prepared for some sexual content or graphic violence. That's the next step in the bastardization process, I presume. Making it "gritty" so adults will swarm to it.

I dunno. Overall, I'm uninterested

Sorry if my answer is real cynical, Babe lmao but I just have OPINIONS about this type of thing. As a creator, the thought of something that I poured my love and passion into being drawn out and used as a money making monster for a bunch of chumps (probably white men) just really makes me uncomfortable

But ayyy that'll never happen so we good 👍

[sothischickshe]

book stuff! 5! 17! 23!

5! What was your relationship with books like as a child?

oh super duper positive! maybe especially cos my hearing fucking suuucked?? i think my love of reading was v baffling to my mother haha cos she’s v dyslexic & was constantly told she was stupid & had decided books were not for her (she now loves reading! i can wear anyone down! haha). 

constant library visits were a L A R G E part of my childhood!!! and one of my aunts was a school librarian at a v fancy school so she was a frequent supplier too. and the house was pretty full of random books anyway, so my reading habits were v chaotic, like as a ~7 year old i was swinging from nancy drew to pride and prejudice to those lucy daniels vet books to oliver twist

i was def reading stuff that was probs ‘inappropriate’ for my age (in all senses...smut and extremely depressing and classics and why did someone give me a george eliot biography when i was like 9??) but i dont think it had a negative impact???

17! Do you know any poetry by heart?

valentine by carol ann duffy bc we studied it ad fucking nauseam in school & i’ve taken to my bed by roger mcgough bc it’s been my favourite poem since i was a lil kid & probs i wanna be yours by john cooper clarke cos we studied that in school and ive heard it a lot & patterns by kate tempest cos one time i saw her do it in the woods while i was on acid so it like b u r n t its way in there & whitey on the moon by gil scott-heron bc ive heard it a million times & probably to his coy mistress by andrew marvell bc i think someone mustve challenged me to memorise it like 20 years ago & still i rise by maya angelou bc we read it in school sooo much... hmm. in short: yes, some but generally not on purpose. 

23! Nicest edition or cheapest edition?

well, most of the time i dont buy books they just find their way to me or im allowed to take ‘em, and free is the cheapest of editions and im v into that. they’re often nice editions too though cos they’re old! im not someone who is fussy abt covers or anything (especially cos i dont hold on to thaaat many books myself) & i dont have a problem with mismatched series etc. generally i will just take what i am given

gotta book

[botheredbuck]

oh fuck oH fUck OH FUCK-

well

that certainly was a lot

Lexi, baby, I love you. never change

callum is so sweet, knowin all Ben's appointments, just wanting ben to be okay, kissing him on his cheek fuCK

CALLUM AND BEN LIVING TOGETHER CONFIRMED OH MY FUCK

also where did Stuart and rainie go likeeeee?? not seen them in a while r they good (not that I particularly care don't like either of them)

'don't die daddy, I need you' I'm not emotionally okay

Lola ily but can you,,, be a little more considerate??

Jay I'm sorry but ur being a bit of an arsehole can you like not please ily thanks

like where did all that brother crap go?? did u really think that guilt tripping Ben while he's suffering from a life changing injury w as a good idea??? knowing he'd probably do something stupid???

THAT SCENE WITH BEN AND LOLA HOW TALENTED CAN YOU GET???

like Danielle so rarely gets the chance to really shine but fuck did she show her talent there ee give Ben and Lola more scenes together plEASE

like seriously max and danielle just worked so well off each other in that scene, they're both so talented and it's just such a beauty to see them both shine in one scene? I'm lovin it

okAY I HAVE A THEORY so like callum texted Ben to say are you home or whatever right?? and then you could see what looked very much like callum when Ben drove past so I'm mildly concerned that Callum was the body?? bc callum knew about the warehouse, even when Ben told him that he and Phil werent gonna do it he must have been suspicious, so after not getting a reply when texting Ben then (possibly) seeing him drive past, you cannot tell me callum would have just sat idle

I'm really hoping that tomorrow's ep will be filling in gaps from today's, like other sls bc we know we have the sharon + Callum scene, n like it would make sense right?

anyway back to the ep

BEN LOOKED SO SCARED I WANNA CRY

also can max get any more talented??? like that bit where Danny shot the gun by his ear, n you could hear Ben crying in the background when the camera flipped to Phil, then him staggering around after, then him in the car FUCK HE'S JUST SO TALENTED I cannot explain how in awe I am of him as a baby actor myself

you can literally see the pain in his eyes and it makes me wanna cry bc i just wanna give him a hug

also another reason why the body might be callum is bc someone must have called the police p quickly for them to arrive like that, surely?

also this is gonna mean he can't have the op now right? it's gonna be so sad when he finds out fucK

overall, I'm in complete awe of max, and I just want tomorrows ep so badly

(sorry this is incredibly all over the place I can't quite get my head together enough to put together something coherent bc that was just,,, something else)

[thanksforthedinosaur]

international year of plant health

hi. i made a playlist of a snapshot of the stuff i’ve listened to this year if you’re looking for some recommendations! xoxo mae

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VkfnggwpC1TEj2wsaHyZr?si=4JJd6Z-kRoCHuHypRtWK3g

1. little simz - might bang, might not 2. jean deaux - recipe! 3. logic - open mic\\aquarius iii 4. spittzwell - the lesson 5. ivy sole - kismet 6. vel the wonder - fine art 7. megan thee stallion - shots fired 8. kari faux - look at that 9. rico nasty - own it 10. flo milli - beef flomix 11. kodie shane - 2 many 12. kali uchis - ¡aquí yo mando! 13. tkay maidza - shook 14. bree runway - atm 15. yung baby tate - i am 16. almondmilkhunni - grapefruit 17. princess nokia - soul food y adobo 18. bosco - attention 19. kiana ledé - movin. 20. diamond white - secondhand 21. queen naija - i’m her 22. danileigh - mistreated 23. parisalexa - 2 optimistic 24. qveen herby - farewell 25. jhené aiko - p*$$y fairy (otw) 26. chloe x halle - forgive me 27. kehlani - water 28. umi - pretty girl hi! 29. rimon - i shine, u shine 30. disclosure - birthday 31. phora - cupid's curse 32. roy ayers - synchronize vibration 33. thundercat - unrequited love 34. thelonious coltrane - perfect timing 35. [ k s r ] - passion 36. alina baraz - more than enough 37. alayna - glowing 38. savannah cristina - self love 39. paloma ford - rain 40. nakala - she interlude ii 41. orion sun - lightning 42. jaz karis - hold you 43. cleo sol - when i'm in your arms 44. keiyaa - do yourself a favor 45. alicia keys - me x 7 46. yazmin lacey - morning matters 47. be steadwell - succulent 48. daniela andrade - k.l.f.g. 49. yung lean - dogboy 50. bladee - sun 51. blackwinterwells - algae 52. sullii - moonlight 53. misogi - heart chained 54. aminé - talk 55. tobi lou - lingo starr: drunken master 56. busta rhymes - look over your shoulder 57. 2 chainz - southside hov 58. atmosphere - the future is disgusting 59. meltycanon - moody blues 60. alfred. - sheeshfred 61. love-sadkid - ephemeral 62. jay squared - vision like you! 63. tuamie - you needed time you said 64. oatmello - blue 65. wun two - a noite 66. kuranes - calm 67. omaure - drama 68. dust and moonlight - sleeping or sinking 69. phlocalyst - image 70. ocha - r33 71. sugi.wa - love u 72. palm - memories of winter 73. goosetaf - tripwire 74. bryzone_ybp - the count 75. orancha - smoky banana 76. evil needle - midnight 77. eevee - romance 78. chief. - can't explain 79. ngyn - aerith 80. fujitsu - move on 81. meitei - nami 82. swum - breezy 83. chris mazuera - perspective 84. jinsang - maybe 85. tesk - cascades 86. saib - nautica 87. mf eistee - uprising 88. kaskade - when you’re dreaming 89. tatsuya maruyama - love you - lo-fi remix 90. towerz - before i gave in 91. baechulgi - abyss 92. underbelly - glitchwater 93. notsure - icecoffee 94. yutaka hirasaka - arise 95. akisai - ecossaise 96. nom tunes - missing piece 97. sweet dove - on the viewless wings 98. park bird - new place, same people 99. city girl - ji-eun's favorite 100. katie dey - loving 101. mary lattimore - sometimes he's in my dreams 102. teen daze - peaceful groove 103. pacific coliseum - turquoise 104. tycho - outer sunset 105. [.que] - glimmer 106. lights & motion - separated hearts 107. roger eno - celeste 108. talsounds - opening 109. alva noto - xerrox voyage 110. 36 - stasis sounds for long-distance space travel (stage 2) 111. stan forebee - bedscape 112. daniel avery - illusion of time 113. arbee - 2sum - charlie dreaming remix 114. okada takuro - waterfront (up-01) 115. gabriel ólafs - lóa - bing & ruth rework 116. warmth - the creek - mixed 117. rhucle - rev 118. com truise - surf 119. sarah davachi - still lives 120. gastón arévalo - sur les traces des explorateurs 121. peter bark - ascension 122. kara-lis coverdale - flutter 123. totally enormous extinct dinosaurs - brockley 124. green-house - peperomia seedling 125. four tet - green 126. morimoto naoki - aru 127. kaitlyn aurelia smith - remembering 128. dj python - te conocí 129. ocoeur - glow 130. christina vantzou - snow white 131. alonefold - strange rainbows 132. savoir adore - dancing temples 133. tengger - water 134. suzanne ciani - a sonic womb pt. 3 135. mogwai - major treat 136. this will destroy you - entrance 137. sleepmakeswaves - time wants a skeleton 138. elsa hewitt - rebird 139. ulla - i think my tears have become good 140. aether - she isn't here 141. zoe polanski - the last frontier 142. lyra pramuk - witness 143. ana roxanne - a study in vastness 144. julianna barwick - nod 145. the leaf library - about minerals 146. gia margaret - barely there 147. lucy gooch - my lights kiss your thoughts every moment 148. briana marela - forgiveness 149. loma - homing 150. mree - open arms 151. ellis - saturn return 152. alexia avina - fit into 153. fenne lily - to be a woman pt. 1 154. noble oak - evaporate 155. mint julep - blinded 156. rush week - best laid plans 157. mini trees - slip away 158. winter - bem no fundo 159. yumi zouma - cool for a second 160. laura veirs - burn too bright 161. terry vs. tori - keepsake box 162. castlebeat - shoulder 163. candace - still phase 164. tiny deaths - if i'm dreaming 165. lydia - heavy 166. caspian - nostalgist 167. nova one - lovable 168. corey flood - heaven or 169. hazel english - off my mind 170. bantug - dizzy 171. tops - colder & closer 172. the hidden shelf - miracles 173. ruru - 99 174. widowspeak - even true love 175. cheerleader - providence 176. wild nothing - blue wings 177. deradoorian - corsican shores 178. strfkr - second hand 179. mint field - contingencia 180. ringo deathstarr - god help the one's you love 181. no joy - dream rats 182. white poppy - orchid child 183. keeps - swiggum 184. flung - firstly zested 185. the bilinda butchers - rie 186. sipper - kid 187. radiator hospital - imposter syndrome 188. addy - equinox 189. boyo - dogma 190. alexandra savior - the archer 191. phoebe bridgers - chinese satellite 192. soccer mommy - circle the drain 193. routine - numb enough 194. quarter-life crisis - comfortable 195. madeline kenney - sucker 196. layne - linnea 197. wilsen - align 198. pynkie - you 199. bandanna - ghost home 200. waxahatchee - can’t do much 201. crisman - portrait 202. liza anne - i wanna be there 203. purr - gates of cool 204. honey cutt - hung up on me 205. the beths - out of sight 206. the ophelias - grand canyon 207. sjowgren - flip phones 208. haim - gasoline 209. thanya iyer - i forget to drink water (balance) 210. sad13 - good grief 211. porridge radio - give/take 212. lannds - not in a good way 213. katie von schleicher - wheel 214. hey cowboy! - detective farmer brown 215. tombo crush - pink 216. eliza moon - tell me / why'd you 217. anna mcclellan - raisin 218. this is the kit - this is what you did 219. snarls - walk in the woods 220. blushh - deal with it 221. long neck - cicada 222. chloe moriondo - ghost adventure spirit orb 223. momma - biohazard 224. varsity - runaway 225. land of talk - footnotes 226. bully - stuck in your head 227. diet cig - stare into the sun 228. expert timing - gravity 229. slow pulp - track 230. maddie jay - shakes 231. beabadoobee - together 232. luna aura - crash dive 233. sorry - perfect 234. torres - good grief 235. partner - honey 236. beauty queen - this time around 237. maggie lindemann - knife under my pillow 238. bryde - paper cups 239. mundy's bay - sleep away the summer 240. squirrel flower - red shoulder 241. mourn - stay there 242. dream wife - so when you gonna... 243. illuminati hotties - superiority complex (big noise) 244. l.a. witch - true believers 245. hinds - burn 246. beach bunny - cuffing season 247. suzie true - idk u 248. bacchae - hammer 249. peach kelli pop - stupid girl 250. oceanator - heartbeat 251. pins - read my lips 252. best coast - different light 253. muncie girls - take steps 254. kailee morgue - this is why i'm hot 255. beach slang - let it ride 256. silverstein - take what you give 257. new found glory - scarier than jason voorhees at a campfire 258. the lawrence arms - quiet storm 259. mikey erg - bon voyage 260. pet symmetry - had a name, don't remember it 261. thank you, i'm sorry - backpack life 262. ratboys - alien with a sleep mask on 263. joyce manor - leather jacket 264. jeff rosenstock - scram! 265. the aquabats! - aliens and monsters! 266. the used - the lighthouse 267. hidden hospitals - how amazing 268. dikembe - all got sick 269. time spent driving - trust no 1 270. the casket lottery - more blood 271. record setter - someplace 272. emma ruth rundle - out of existence 273. gulfer - blurry 274. options - don't mind 275. i love your lifestyle - stupid 276. orchards - stealing your sleep 277. no tongues for quiet people - lake house lake house 278. into it. over it. - hollow halos 279. mountains for clouds - full disclosure 280. joan of arc - destiny revision 281. no thank you - saturn return 282. the front bottoms - camouflage 283. ride your bike - make like a tom and cruise 284. dragon inn 3 - yer brothers 285. the goalie’s anxiety at the penalty kick - jars filled with rain 286. mansions - laser beams 287. waveform* - hello goodbye 288. owen - headphoned 289. cassino - tacoma 290. ajj - normalization blues 291. penelope scott - sweet hibiscus tea 292. angel olsen - (new love) cassette 293. trace mountains - fallin' rain 294. johanna warren - part of it 295. frances quinlan - lean 296. tomberlin - hours 297. samia - triptych 298. field medic - better way 299. adrianne lenker - my angel 300. jack m. senff - another day 301. lomelda - polyurethane 302. rosie carney - high and dry 303. brigid mae power - i had to keep my circle small 304. overcoats - new shoes 305. anna burch - not so bad 306. hop along, queen ansleis - the cactus 307. mandy moore - easy target 308. laura marling - held down 309. lisa loeb - doesn't it feel good 310. trixie mattel - gold 311. lilly hiatt - move 312. molly tuttle - sunflower, vol. 6 313. sarah jarosz - pay it no mind 314. katie heckel - help you mend 315. katie pruitt - my mind’s a ship (that’s going down) 316. in love with a ghost - trans rights 317. snail's house - imaginary express 318. isuka hino - dreamin' adventure!! 319. 4s4ki - nexus 320. lapix - loneliness 321. you - painter 322. aice room - dreary planet - yukiyanagi remix 323. zekk - oxygen 324. lu-i - loved happiness 325. synthion - volt switch 326. sanaas - polestar - junk remix 327. mameyudoufu - fluffy 328. awfuless - redemption 329. rejection - around you 330. toriena - getting into a pose 331. cosmo@bousoup - mow*mow*abduction!!! 332. yunosuke - ziqqurat 333. android52 - lovin', scratchin' 334. サクラsakura-lee - nobody else 335. desired - emotions 336. mikazuki bigwave - sakimashita bloomin'!! 337. skule toyama - smooth 338. adrianwave - goodbye 339. macross 82-99 - melt 340. cape coral - 707 hotline 341. 80kidz - heat 342. night tempo - baby 343. yaffle - lng, before 344. greyl - let me be with you 345. serph - palmtop tiger 346. happy kuru kuru - natsu no hi no labyrinth 347. couple n - earmie 348. airuei - magic sign 349. somunia - non player girl - nyankobrq 2p ver. 350. cosmicosmo - those that we once loved 351. maeshima soshi - the terminal 352. kijibato - 1room 353. yuc'e - ghost town 354. neko hacker - erased 355. jam2go - apotrope 356. mizuki ohkawa - cosmic cleft 357. singto conley - flora 358. 2tonedisco - shoelaces 359. cy8er - もしもしじゃぽん 360. nayuta - connect 361. t+pazolite - himitsu cult 362. milkoi - higher, higher, and then... 363. freezer - caramel rain (sanaas remix) 364. kotonohouse - pitter, patter 365. aika - superstar 366. yukiyanagi - love overdose 367. nanahira - twinkle password 368. ducky - hyper bloxxd 369. porter robinson - something comforting 370. moshimo - シンクロ 371. bish - スーパーヒーローミュージック 372. scenarioart - it's all right 373. base ball bear - ポラリス(c3 mix) 374. majiko - エスカルゴ 375. akaiko-en - ジャンキー 376. the peggies - weekend 377. lovely summer chan - more light 378. polkadot stingray - sp813 379. shishamo - フェイバリットボーイ 380. aimer - run riot 381. österreich - i'll take you everywhere 382. sora tob sakana - 夜間飛行 383. the shes gone - ふためぼれ 384. aimyon - marshmallow 385. cö shu nie - supercell 386. kensei ogata - violin case 387. せだい - yellownola 388. yonige - あかるいみらい 389. bearwear - i think 390. hitsujibungaku - ロックスター 391. cidergirl - 飛行船 392. room97 - faq 393. she's - ugly 394. bbhf - tokenai mahou 395. alisa takigawa - 夢 396. satomoka - glints 397. radwimps - shinsekai 398. pinoko - コリドー街 399. helsinki lambda club - you are my gravity 400. lucky kilimanjaro - 君とつづく 401. dish// - sauna song 402. zombie-chang - snooze 403. mizuki ohira - 無重力 404. みゆな - 歌おうよ 405. iri - come back to my city 406. aya a.k.a panda - i miss u 407. chelmico - disco (bad dance doesn't matter) 408. seiko oomori - 絶対彼女 409. yaeji - my imagination 상상 410. daoko - zukizuki 411. eill - night d 412. cifika - déjà vu 413. yeye - step in time 414. saevom - just like i dreamed then 415. cheeze - today's mood 416. stella jang - reality blue 417. younha - one day of twenty 418. jeong eun ji - whoo 419. fromm - aliens 420. crush - tip toe 421. heize - 1/1440 422. femm - level up 423. awich - poison 424. jessi - nunu nana 425. (g)i-dle - luv u 426. summer soul - tinder 427. taeyeon - worry free love 428. boa - l.o.v.e 429. fromis_9 - feel good (secret code) 430. faky - re:chase me 431. monsta x - night view 432. twice - up no more 433. loona - hide & seek 434. wjsn - pantomime 435. iz*one - fiesta 436. exid - ddd jpn ver. 437. gfriend - crème brûlée 438. april - lalalilala 439. weki meki - 100 facts (cool eng. ver.) 440. momoland - starry night 441. steve aoki - play it cool 442. bts - dynamite 443. sakurako ohara - shine on me 444. sumin - zaza♡ 445. onepixcel - lagrima 446. little glee monster - i feel the light 447. celeina ann - purikura 448. アイラヴミー - そのまんま勇者 449. okkyung lee - here we are (once again) 450. luca - lune 451. hakushi hasegawa - hikari no rock 452. haruka nakamura - your sonnet 453. itoko toma - shade 454. rina katahira - hoshizora* 455. ichiko aoba - easter lily 456. satoko shibata - 変な島 457. 角銅真実 - 6月の窓 458. 熊川みゆ - sixteen 459. 眉村ちあき - 緑のハイヒール 460. 竹内アンナ - striking gold 461. saucy dog - film 462. kaede - -ending- night blue 463. aseul - paradise 464. 박혜진 park hye jin - like this 465. charlotte is mine - road movie 466. plastic plastic - ฮัม - (hum) 467. clams - shiny rider 468. seventeen years old and berlin wall - no paradise 469. nuit - nightbirds 470. fulusu - ghost 471. rammells - sennengo 472. stargaze shelter - emulation (mode:totonee) 473. ヨルシカ - 昼鳶 474. nakamuraemi - 大人の言うことを聞け 475. kenshi yonezu - ひまわり 476. tk from ling tosite sigure - reframe 477. penguinrush - 色彩 478. lee jin ah - candy pianist 479. mei ehara - どちらにピントを 480. jizue - because 481. mouse on the keys - room 482. fox capture plan - stand my heroes - groove version 483. ryutist - girls 484. yeti let you notice - bouquet 485. tricot - 真っ黒 486. madison cunningham - giraffe 487. covet - atreyu 488. floral - maybe not one day 489. envy - eternal memories and reincarnation 490. baths - mikaela corridor 491. sufjan stevens - run away with me 492. fractures - feel 493. the 1975 - frail state of mind 494. dan mason ダン·メイソン - everytime i cry 495. brothertiger - cannonball 496. porches - rangerover - bonus track 497. tame impala - instant destiny 498. washed out - paralyzed 499. pink skies - portland 500. so below - bone 501. purity ring - silkspun 502. llll - breathless 503. slow magic - somewhere 504. kasbo - lune 505. cloudnone - let the music in 506. jody wisternoff - blue space 507. drama - hold on 508. satin jackets - meridian getaway 509. direct - opal 510. lane 8 - road 511. baile - jlm 512. yuni wa - starships 513. nora van elken - sakura 514. geotheory - the day i left you 515. yota - hazy paradise 516. spencer brown - chance on us 517. the avener - conscious shadows 518. kalbells - mothertime 519. bella boo - in love 520. kirara magic - neon 521. mija - digressions 522. cuushe - emergence 523. transviolet - rituals 524. keep shelly in athens - steady to go 525. young ejecta - ah ha 526. annie - in heaven 527. lany - good guys 528. dominic pierce - glad xoxo 529. tender - what you're missing 530. alice jemima - binge love you 531. kitty - baby pink 532. faye meana - like honey 533. lunadira - am i gonna die? 534. loony - white lie 535. justine skye - fav 536. wafia - good things 537. victoria monét - jaguar 538. malia civetz - love thing 539. keiynan lonsdale - i confess my love 540. deaton chris anthony - tuethday 541. kallitechnis - body&soul (ish d remix) 542. talitha. - ineedsomeone 543. keke palmer - thick 544. kesha - birthday suit 545. l.e.j - pas l'time 546. selena gomez - rare 547. the aces - daydream 548. jessie ware - mirage (don’t stop) 549. joan - try again 550. melanie c - blame it on me 551. astrid s - dance dance dance 552. little mix - holiday 553. justin bieber - yummy 554. ariana grande - positions 555. bea miller - feel something different 556. lady gaga - rain on me (with ariana grande) 557. raye - regardless 558. the weeknd - hardest to love 559. andrea valle - lovergirl 560. k/da - the baddest 561. allie x - susie save your love 562. terror jr - dinner plate 563. shawn wasabi - halo halo 564. benee - snail 565. sevdaliza - oh my god 566. gupi - modest 567. six impala - sweetsweetsweetlikebubblegum 568. charli xcx - i finally understand 569. golin - hanakotoba 570. shygirl - freak 571. madge - ethanol 572. arca - afterwards 573. kelly lee owens - re-wild 574. ari mason - pangaea 575. gabrielle aplin - dear happy 576. taylor swift - the 1 577. awfultune - buds 578. sneaks - scorpio on your side 579. izzy camina - kill your local indie softboy 580. mxmtoon - ok on your own 581. wens - giant bat 582. billie eilish - my future 583. tash - when you leave 584. fletcher - the one 585. silver sphere - ghosts! 586. tei shi - ok crazy 587. dounia - sucked all the fun 588. tatiana hazel - carmen sandiego 589. magdalena bay - killshot 590. kllo - insomnia 591. leisure suite - closer 592. morgan saint - i dreamt that i knew you 593. ayelle - got love 594. michi - escondida 595. lyrica anderson - lyfted 596. sasha sloan - lie 597. niki - plot twist 598. sarah reeves - heart first 599. salt cathedral - caviar 600. chelsea cutler - sad tonight 601. rituals of mine - heights 602. e^st - flight path 603. sara diamond - great together 604. phem - stfu 605. carlie hanson - daze inn 606. lauren aquilina - latest ghost 607. caroline rose - command z 608. misterwives - oxygen 609. ella vos - turbulence 610. austra - i am not waiting 611. triathalon - you 612. phoebe ryan - icimy 613. katzù oso - kiss u better 614. luwten - control 615. raveena - heartbeat 616. oohyo - 2020 617. oklou - another night 618. jouska - bring you back 619. fleur east - easy to love 620. soft glas - overbite 621. jaden - muted sunrise 622. snny - better to leave it 623. saint mela - alkaseltzer 624. mia gladstone - ego 625. helena deland - truth nugget 626. oh wonder - oceansize 627. steven padin - sashimi 628. kacey johansing - i try 629. treasureseason - spinning plate 630. landshapes - drama 631. tennis - matrimony ii 632. pomplamoose - morning waterbug 633. soko - being sad is not a crime 634. the big moon - barcelona 635. shamir - diet 636. knox fortune - static 637. carly rae jepsen - let's sort the whole thing out 638. real estate - the main thing 639. hayley williams - roses/lotus/violet/iris 640. nada surf - something i should do 641. bombay bicycle club - is it real 642. the seshen - faster than before 643. thao & the get down stay down - how could i 644. marla hansen - path 645. christine and the queens - la vita nuova 646. half waif - siren 647. malena zavala - ritmo de vida 648. bendik - himmelen 649. hanna järver - kalmar slott 650. frida sundemo - anything 651. kate nv - telefon 652. ambar lucid - questioning my mind 653. coco reilly - mirror 654. ghostly kisses - lydian 655. kacy hill - told me 656. lianne la havas - can't fight 657. donna missal - how does it feel 658. felivand - gone 659. jordana - divine 660. empress of - void 661. banoffee - ripe 662. vanessa carlton - i can't stay the same 663. fiona apple - heavy balloon 664. poppy - concrete 665. rina sawayama - stfu!

[raleigh-ocean]

if i go, i'm goin' (your love will take me there) | nora montgomery x dara ann lynch x billie dean howard

summary: not even in a hundred years, a love like Dara’s was ever seen, but those lucky enough to be the receiving end of it knew how much pureness and sincerity it held. Some of those wished, however, to have been the only end to receive that love but still they found their true home right in between her arms. And maybe in another time, another life, Dara’s love would have been all Nora’s. However, as Nora felt fuller yet lighter in the living room of her home for the past one hundred years…she found herself wishing for Billie to keep taking care of their greatest love.

words: 14,759

n/a: this is going to hurt so fucking bad, I’m already crying. The story is divided in two almost individual parts connected in the middle. It will tell the extents of Dara and Billie’s love in the beginning…and then switch to the love that was meant to be.This doesn’t mean I won’t keep writing for Nora and Dara or including Nora in other stories, but those would probably be pre-2020/2021 most of the time! I hope y'all enjoy this one, because I did a lot of research and…well, NoraDara owns my heart fully for the rest of my life.

n/a 2.0: Also, analyzing how Billie and Dara’s relationships are, we (Vivi and I) found that there were similarities between BillieAudrey and NoraDara as separate units, and since I did explore the former first a few times already, it’s time for the latter to come alive (pun intended).

n/a 3.0: I’ll be taking a break from writing for a while, so this is the last long thing I’ll be posting. I hope y’all enjoy it.

[23:35] How-t Stuff: I miss you :(

[23:38] How-t Stuff: Annie, I see you in your phone from the living :(( 

Dara only chuckled silently at that, amused because she could actually see Billie in the couch typing in her phone. It was one of the perks of living in a tiny apartment, even if they were separated, they could see each other from the other room just by open a door. Damien was already asleep, hugging her from behind, so she couldn’t do much sound in case she woke up.

It was easy to type a ‘hang in there honey’ and close her eyes, feeling how her headache was getting better after being able to down some food and having some painkillers along with muscle relaxant for her leg. The only thing she didn’t like, however, was feeling herself uneasy because medicines usually messed up with her body and her perception.

[23:46] How-t Stuff: This couch is so uncomfortable...why do we still have it??? 

[23:48] How-t Stuff: Also I found your fancy lighter in between the cushions :)

[23:50] How-t Stuff: also found your purple thong oops

She really wanted to go to sleep, but having Billie trying to be...cute? was really something else. But Dara was already falling asleep, and with only one eye open she texted her back a ‘you’ve been saying the same fr 6y, r u planning on sleepin there much’ and ‘sTOP hIDINg my underwear in places you forGet’ before switching her phone to night mode and hiding it under Billie’s pillow. Of course she was sleeping in Billie’s side and maybe she was wearing one of her pyjamas, she also missed her, but she kinda deserved it.

The memory came back to her, making Dara feel dizzy and she closed harder her eyes, trying to get it out. She wasn’t in the mood of thinking about Audrey or Danielle for that matter, even when both had kinda been the reason Billie was sleeping in the couch and she had her teen niece pressed against her back, sleeping soundly like a baby koala. Don’t get her wrong, she didn’t hate any of them, in fact Dara was pretty sure she didn’t hate anyone ever in her life...not even the poor devil that assaulted her and scarred her as a teen...

[01:50] How-t Stuff: Uhm...love, beige or sky blue?

[02:10] How-t Stuff: nvm, black is prettier

[02:30] How-t Stuff has sent an image.

[02:32] How-t Stuff: we have new couch wohoo!

[03:32] How-t Stuff: i love you my dalfoddil

When Dara opened her eyes, she felt her head all clogged but at least her body didn’t hurt that bad or at all. Damien was now cuddling herself in her side of the bed, heavily asleep, so with care she tried to stand up to go get a glass of water. Her phone forgotten under the pillow, her hands went to retrieve her cane from where it was resting immediately. Oh, she wasn’t so confident today about walking, so even when she had support with one hand she still made her way slowly. 

Rubbing off the sleep from her eyes, Dara looked first to where her wife had slept just to find an empty spot. But soon the toaster going off made her notice Billie, facing the kitchen counter, trying to do something in the stove. She truly looked disheveled, more than usual upon waking up, and a soft pang of guilt rang through Dara's body. 

"Are you making tea?" when Billie turned around, Dara was leaning on her cane and looking shyly at her, which made her change her whole wrecked expression to one much softer.

"And toasts, I remembered your mother gave us blackberry jam not long ago and I thought, hell, why not?" she laughed a bit nervously before leaning in the counter to wait for the water to start to boil in the little old pot that's been around since day one. "Is the kid up?"

Dara shook her head slightly and then went to Billie in automatic, pressing her lips together in a chaste kiss meant to be longer than that, but the older medium complied with a soft grin. She already knew this little start of the day meant the world to her wife so Billie wasn't that worried about the 'couch arrest'. However they couldn't say much more because a sleepy Damien made her way to where her aunts were, getting breakfast done, and they were moved to another rhythm of life.

It was easy for Dara to shift in between being her private persona and the one she usually presented to her family, and Billie noticed that right away. When they were at home, the two of them alone, her shoulders relaxed more and the everlasting smile dropped for a slight smirk that accompanied her tired eyes. It was a homie view, yet it made Billie’s heart roar with an overprotectiveness that was familiar at this point of her life. Mostly because yesterday was the first time in a while that she realized how tired her wife was, mostly because if there was something she hated with her dear life was to watch Dara like that and notice too late to fix it.

Breakfast moved in another light for sure, Billie still getting used to the presence of Dara’s nieces and nephews. Damien, as much as she had her doubts about her and resented her for the time being, was very polite and it showed how Danielle’s antics had rubbed off in her daughter. Billie still didn’t know the whole story with Dara’s twin cousins, but maybe it was time to start digging in what was unknown waters for so long.

But then, Dara did something that surprised Billie a lot to be honest.

“Not even when Eva pulled almost the same crap to Deirdre’s new husband I let it slip, so missy,” Dara started to say, holding the cup of tea to her lips to take a sip without caring it was still pretty much hot. “Why did you do that? Were you out of your damn mind?”

“I only...I don’t know auntie,” Damien’s voice was really tiny again and Billie put down her toast, her appetite dropping. “At first it was...fun, I guess? But then I just got too into it and after dad...well, I guess I didn’t want her to suffer...but I was stupid and hurt mamon and Audrey because of it, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you truly were and are,” Dara pulled back her hair with a hand, letting out a tired sigh. Billie still was pretty much blind to who the father of this kid was or why he wasn’t around. “Audrey is totally not like your father, I can assure you that being a hundred percent sure, and I get that you want to protect your mother but you should give her some credit dear,” her voice was calm but the way she was tapping with her free hand the counter, after too many years, it told she was in need of a cigarette. “She knows how to protect herself very well, she knows how to protect you very well. Do you think she would have let Audrey come into your lives if she wasn’t sure of it, mhm?”

And at that, not even Billie had the guts to say something, seeing how Dara was still very serious even when her voice was in her always calm tone. She had that ability, to remain calm despite of everything, and after being together for a decade already she could easily pick up that she inherited that capacity from her mother. Dara’s mom was able to handle all of them with a mere look or a few words, even Billie, and that was quite scary. Damien looked down to her cup of tea and she shook her head briefly, making Dara to click her tongue.

“Exactly,” she finished her tea and stood up, taking a moment too long to actually move that made Billie worry, to go get something from one of the cupboards. “Now I hope you learn something from this. Don’t make it harder for your mother, you hear me? If something’s wrong, tell her, and if you don’t want to then call me...or did you replaced me as your favourite aunt? I knew Danna was right around the corner to take my crown.”

It was then when Billie worried more, not because Damien quickly went to deny that and made Dara fake she was affected so she would hug her, but because she caught this strange shadow hovering over her wife. Usually it wasn’t like that, her white light giving some kind of protection even from herself, but as Billie tried to finish her breakfast in silence she took her time to try and discern what Dara was feeling at the moment. 

As they kept moving through the morning, taking in count it was early and Danielle and Audrey didn’t call yet, Billie thought it was always hard to actually feel what her wife was feeling. She was good at reading people, something she was proud of indeed, but Dara presented her as a challenge. 

However, after two hours Billie just gave up for the time being. She would have to wait until they were alone again in the quietness of their home to directly ask, maybe over some take out from that place her wife loved so much. But when Danielle and Audrey finally showed up in their door, both way more relaxed and apparently happier, something came back to Billie’s mind. As they were exchanging some words with the other couple, Billie remembered how Dara had defended Audrey in such effortless way that surprised her and, by the time their home was only them again (plans for lunch already arranged four hours later), she felt it was the right time to ask.

Overnight, alone cuddling one of Dara’s cushions in their old couch, she kept replying the events of the day in a very vivid way. Billie knew she had no right to yell at Dara, even when she was really angry with the situation, but the way she was handling things felt off putting to her for some reason. And that’s why she was surprised when Dara kinda defended Audrey, because at the time in her furious mind she truly thought her wife hated her best friend. Well, hate was a strong word, but more like...like she was putting up with Audrey at this point just because of her.

“Baby?” Billie felt a strange strangled sensation when she called out for Dara, who was making her way back to their bedroom to pick up her phone. “Can I ask you something?” Dara stopped and looked back at her, curiosity peeking out from her eyes, tilting her head in that innocent way she always had to let her know she had her full attention. “Do you...do you like Audrey?”

It was then that the silence hit Billie like a wall made of ice.

She saw how Dara squinted her eyes a bit, trying to discern what her wife was talking about, her mouth a bit agape while the silence settled in between them. But what made Billie take a step back, was how Dara moved her jaw to the left a bit before closing her mouth and biting her lower lip while considering her next words. Billie didn’t want to push, but now she was feeling how the coldness of the room was getting more intense as her wife’s feelings finally reached her. Having her cane tightly gripped in her dominant hand, Dara sighed really deep this time as the shadow floating over her grew.

“Are you serious, Billie?” Billie doubted for a second if she ever heard Dara’s voice sounding like that. “Really, I want to know if you’re pulling my leg or not.”

“Yes, I’m being serious,” oh Billie regretted that as soon as it left her mouth, but a tiny bit of the annoyance of yesterday was starting to show up for some reason. “Sometimes it feels you put up with her just because of me, Ann-”

“Don’t you dare ‘Annie’ at me right now,” Billie saw the shadow closing around Dara and then her eyes locked with hers, shining with the anger she was feeling and making her not notice the panic laced in her voice. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

When those words left her mouth, Dara felt her whole world was crumbling faster than she thought it would. As if the massive earthquake she was holding up finally managed to open the crack that it took Dara five years to close, making all the pent up things start to flood the last bits of calmness she had. She felt breathless right away, and so fucking tired that she had to close her eyes and rub her temple with her free hand.

“I love you for over a million, billion, things Billie, but before you open your mouth to say something so...genuinely stupid, stop for a second and think about it once or twice,” Dara opened her eyes, looking at how taken aback was her wife, but in that moment she didn’t care. “Think about how we’ve been together for the last ten years and think about how I am around people I don’t like,” she felt her heart hammering in her chest and her whole body aching for the outburst. “Do you think I would’ve ever let her come into our lives if I didn’t like her, ah?” the question resonated through the silent living room in a weird uneasy way. “Do you ever think I would’ve let her go down on you or me if I didn’t?” a nervous laugh broke free from her chest at that, the hand that wasn’t in her cane going to put a lock of hair behind her ear. “Do you ever think that, if I didn’t like her, I would had gone yesterday night with you to help her? If I didn’t like her a single damned bit, do you think we would be here in this exact fucking moment having this fucking conversation?”

The room was feeling too hot for Dara at that moment, feeling her heart beating loudly in the back of her head and in her throat, making her feel she was about to burst into tears if she kept talking. Billie was pale, standing there in such weird silence, but any drop of self control she had was damned by now and Dara could see it because the hand that Billie wasn’t using to support herself in the counter was trembling a bit.

“I do get that what she went through was horrible and traumatic, I get that she’s your best friend and you love her a lot...” she truly felt like she was pushing the words out of her tired mind, all the tears she was holding back. “...but I was there for her too, many, many times. Most of them when you were away and she came home looking for you. If I didn’t like her, I would have shushed her the fuck away but I didn’t. So don’t ask me again if I like her, because it’s one of the most unfair things you ever did to me,” and through all the red that Dara was seeing in the moment, she managed to see how Billie was approaching her which only made her tears to push harder. “Do I like her? Of course I do, for God’s sake. I still have a heart inside, luckily, as much as y’all seem to forget,” and when she chuckled darkly, her tears finally started to run down her cheeks, as if they were burning their way down. “So there you have your fucking answer, are you happy?”

Dara felt like something finally broke inside her, gripping with both hands her cane to not fall to the ground when she felt her knees grow weak. And it hurt so bad? it burnt and it made her feel like there’s not enough air in the house for her to breath. She was truly tired at this point of her life, tired of the rest not being able to see she was breaking too under the weight of all the things happening. She didn’t considered herself as someone jealous, she really wasn’t, but many times Dara had felt that Billie chose Audrey over her.

After all what she had done for the actress, all the sleepless nights, all the comfort words, all the tiny little pieces of her that she left for Audrey to take in order to heal; that Billie decided to ask her that as if she wasn’t right by her side doing it...well, it started to hurt more than she could handle. Dara was always so sure of Billie’s love for her, waited for her to finally say that she loved her back, waited for her to finally be comfortable around her...but sometimes, behind all that confidence Dara had, a tiny bit of doubt had started to grow in its own corner. 

A corner that got bigger when Billie stopped dead in her tracks again, not getting to reach her.

Billie didn't stop, however, because she didn't want to reach Dara. In fact, her whole body wanted to be wrapped around the trembling figure of her wife, sobbing in such heartbreaking way, to provide her of all the endless love she had for her...but she couldn't deny that hearing the truth being spitted out of her beautiful lips had left her speechless.

She was used to let her thoughts flow freely, most of the time taking advantage of being able to sense other emotions, to be blunt and also stating them flatly without much trouble. But sometimes, the times where people weren't taken aback due to her usual brassiness, Billie found herself saying things people wasn't expecting to ever deal with or were remotely prepared to do so. In this case, Dara wasn't ready at all to receive that question, and Billie visibly could tell but...well, she decide to push her in that direction anyway and now not only she was speechless but she felt devastated.

Devastated because the person she cared the most in this world was breaking in front of her, showing how small and fragile was in reality. Devastated because she created the situation; devastated because the only thing she did was to finally close the gap separating them to take Dara's hands in her own, making the cane fall to the ground with a muffled sound upon hitting the slim carpet of the living room. Her chest tightened when her wife still didn't move, crying her eyes out in between quiet sobs that resonated through her whole body, and she felt even worse because she wasn't brave enough to look at her directly, focusing in their hands instead.

"I'm sorry," the air in her lungs hurt like Hell itself when Billie managed to say something, Dara squeezing her hands in response. "I'm sorry I asked that, I...I didn't...please love..." please, let me fix this, tell me, help me.

"No, I'm the one being sorry for taking this all out on you," and Billie's heart hurt even more when she caught the defeat showing in Dara's eyes when she looked briefly at her, darkly chuckling again when she raised her arm to dry her tears with her sleeve without breaking the contact, her face scrunching ever so softly to try stop her tears. "I really shouldn't have…"

"No, hey, don't do that," panic overflown all over Billie, her hands now cuping Dara's face to have her closer, thumbs wiping hot tears and palms feeling the heat in her cheeks. She was able to finally look into her eyes, at least when her wife wasn't pressing her eyelids together harder to stop crying. "You have nothing to be sorry about, you were in your right to call my bullshit out."

"It's just...why did you ask me that Billie? I don't understand," Dara sniffed, trying to steady her voice but making her next sob to come out as a strangled whine. "Four years being with Audrey before we married and now you ask me if I like her? Really?"

It's then when Billie pulled her wife close, hiding her head in the hollow of her neck even when her wife was a few inches taller than her and pressing her lips to the crown of her head to hide the giant knot she had herself in her throat. Billie wasn't ready to admit the next answer, but because she wasn't ready it was what she needed to say in order to make things even. Billie's chest felt tight and it hurt so bad right now that she was holding Dara so close? Feeling her trembling and sobbing and grasping to her sweater - Dara's, because Billie stole it six years ago from her old closet at Dara's parents' and to this day it's her go-to comfort clothes when she’s at home - as if she was the only thing she needed to be there in that moment.

"I know… I only asked because…" she couldn't help but gulp in order to continue and her hand went to brush Dara's hair out of her face. "...because if you didn't like her, I'd have try to see her less.'

Billie was scared of what it came out of her mouth, and also because she could only hear her heart hammering against her ribcage along Dara's sobs in her neck. She felt the wetness of her tears in her skin, starting to get a bit sticky because they were drying slowly, but she didn't mind at all, too worried in securing her wife between her arms and starting to caress her arm and cheek with care. Her thumb was trying to both caress her warm skin and wipe the non-stop flow of tears, and Billie thought that’s what was actually helping Dara to start to calm down.

"Even if I did, I couldn't do that to you Bills," the whispered statement, Dara's lips so close to her pulse point that she felt how they moved and brushed ever so soft there, made Billie feel like all the fear she was holding in her chest disappeared. "I know how much you love her, how important is for you...and you know that I'm not a heartless bitch."

Even when is a joke that she usually resorts to, Billie still didn't like when Dara called herself those kind of things.

"But if you wanted me to, I would have done it," Billie felt her chest less tight for sure but she needed to get this out of her already because Dara deserved to hear it. "I would do anything for you because you are the most important person in my life, Annie, and that's a rock fact."

The tiny joke at the end made Dara chuckle cutely - and God that it felt good hearing her do that even with the runny nose and the cough that followed -, only because it was a recurring pun she used and Billie did it out of habit at times too, before she finally used her arms to wrap Billie in them by her waist and press it against her body, getting comfortable in the hug they pulled each other into. At that, Billie finally noticed how the shadow let go of her wife and it was like everything was getting back to usual little by little. 

It felt even better when Dara finally stopped hiding in her neck, without pulling away from the hug, and shook her head while closing her redden eyes from crying. But for some reason she didn't look that tired anymore, her features growing softer each second that it passed. Billie grew softer too and brought up her sleeve, after pulling it a bit with her fingers, so she could clean better Dara's face with care. When she opened her eyes, Billie knew her girl was getting back to her slowly but surely, and she shook her head even more slow.

"I love you Bills, and I love her, like her too...I won't ever make you leave behind your best friend," there's only love in her eyes, mixed with that warmth that always cling in Billie's bones in such comforting way that the only thing she could do is to fold her hands in the small of Dara's back and start rubbing tiny circles with her thumbs there. "So no more of that, okay…?"

The right thing for Billie to do in that moment was nodding in agreement, before leaning in to capture her wife's lips with hers in one of those slow kisses they both were suckers for. It felt like Heaven brought to Earth only for Billie to enjoy and drown in it. A bit salty maybe because of the spilled tears, but it soon felt sweet. Being so close made Billie to start pepper many more kisses all over Dara's face, always a bit slower as the woman she loved started to relax and melt in her arms.

"I love you Annie," she whispered after placing a kiss in that soft spot Dara had under her ear before moving to kiss her lips once again. "I love you," now it felt so natural to say it, mumbled against a new kiss and taking as a reward another cute giggle from her wife. "Can I take you to bed or I'm still on couch arrest…?"

Oh to hear Dara's little laugh after another kiss was an absolute bliss. Billie could only wrap her arms better and lower, lifting her slightly and gaining a low hiss because of that. For a second her haze broke, worried about it, and her eyes looked out for the discomfort Dara seemed to have, but she was kissed again before manage to do so.

"You totally still are...but let's make an exception," and the soft static Billie felt in her skin when she was with Dara appeared again, making her sweetly go back to loving her wife and start to walk in between kisses and laughs back to their bedroom.

Two hours cuddling, kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other was what they both needed. Not only because yesterday was a total mess, but because they've been apart three days and a few more this month. There in their quietness, they managed to talk a bit more too about daily stuff they've missed when they were apart.

Billie apologized yet again because she didn’t notice Dara’s old injury was acting up, per example, and offered to help applying some muscle soothing cream. Dara, once she was feeling a bit better and after they decided to take a well deserved shower, took in her hands the task of redoing Billie’s nails and they spent a good chunk playfully fighting over the best color - and in the end, they agreed for some nude color for Billie and Dara fixed hers in black. How Billie took to herself kissing Dara in different ways she knew the woman loved; how Dara started to rant about the last messes at work and both cussed heavily, because they were like that; how the blonde ran her fingers in soft caresses over every tattoo her wife had…

They didn’t leave the bed until it was time to actually meet up for lunch with Audrey and Danielle, purely just enjoying each other and both feeling so much better by the time Billie sat up in bed to watch her wife go through their wardrobe. Sometimes it was nice to let Dara pick their clothes for the day, mostly because it meant a good change for their usual choices. 

Billie ended up getting a flowery high waisted skirt that fell loose to her knees, and her favourite peach blouse that she didn’t know how it survived ten years at this point but she wasn’t going to complain. For Dara was that one amber blouse Billie loved the most in her, the one that brought up her tanned skin, along her favourite dark pants that she knew drove Billie utterly insane and making her chuckle a ‘such a tease, aren’t you’ while Dara was getting her rings and usual jewelry on.

Those times were intimate and Billie cherished them a lot, because she never thought she would get them one day.

Hand in hand, both made their way out of the apartment not long after, and it took Billie the whole ride to get her body used again to Dara’s driving. It wasn’t that she forgot how her wife was, but heck that having others drive her here and there or even drive herself was always a whole different experience.

But there was a tiny satisfaction in watching Dara come out of the car with this glow around her that made her so different from any other person Billie met, when they pulled over at where they were having lunch that she always liked to indulge in. It made her feel important, it made her focus to be all over her wife, yet it made her feel down on Earth when they started to walk towards the terrace.

Billie thought that what she loved the most about Dara was how she was capable, with her whole demeanour and way of caring about her, of making her feel she was living in this reality. They both knew very well that there were times in which fame and her powers got too into Billie’s head, making her feel like she was just a passing soul through life instead of an actual human being. Having Dara as a constant in her life, one that she didn’t want to ever part ways with, helped her the most. And, of course, she wanted to be better than she was to her and show Dara that she had her all for herself, because God, them and both Audrey and Nora knew that Billie many times did things that didn’t demonstrate how important her wife was for her.

But Dara was still there, despite everything.

“Sweet baby Jesus, I can’t believe we are here earlier than them,” Dara’s voice brought Billie down to Earth from her thoughts. “How can two of the most punctual people in the universe not even be five minutes early to a date?”

“Cut them some slack, Dalfoddil,” Billie laughed at the fake afflicted tone in Dara’s voice, sitting by her side to be closer to her. “I bet you thirty it was only traffic, or that they forgot something at home.”

“I bet you thirty and that new game I want that they are late because of sex, Howt Stuff,” Dara mumbled before pressing her lips against Billie’s, which she eagerly took advantage of and snuck an arm behind Dara’s lower back to be even closer. “Are we bringing the bad boys before dessert now?”

“I can’t help it, baby, don’t mind me today...but we have a deal,” Billie looked at her feeling how her chest was about to burst of all the love she had for her. When Dara let herself be cuddled there in the seat, resting her head in Billie’s shoulder, she pressed a new kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Billie Dean.”

And upon hearing that coming from Dara’s pretty lips, after the millionth or billionth time, Billie knew today was going to be a good day.

When Audrey finally arrived ten minutes later, Danielle on her phone talking with a client and relieved Damien because her mother didn’t drive walking behind her, Billie had Dara still cuddled in her side as they were exchanging sweet nothings and drinking wine and soda respectively - Dara not being in the mood of drinking today. And when they settled, Audrey couldn’t help but make a little gesture with her eyebrows, silently asking Billie ‘everything okay?’ while the cousins were busy with the waiter. Her only response was a quick wink and seeing how Billie’s left hand was caressing Dara’s back up and down with care, earning her a new peck after Dara’s attention went back to her.

More than okay.

For Audrey, that was enough response. They had known each other for almost five years already, sharing more than just a friendship along the way, so she knew right away that the other couple was having one of those ‘reconciliation’ days. Not that they ever broke up, as far as Audrey knew, but sometimes they behaved like they did and were back together and stronger than ever. Well, stronger than they already were, because she never met a couple like them. They seemed to gravitate around each other in a way she wished to understand and for Audrey, she always saw that being with Dara made Billie the happiest.

Looking at Danielle for a second, when the other two were distracted talking with Damien - or more Dara talking with their niece while Billie simply listened, arm over her shoulders and glass of wine in the other hand -, Audrey discerned that her girlfriend was a bit confused yet her light brown eyes were full of tenderness. Their hands met under the table and, after a light squeeze, she earnt a peck of her own that made her contently smile.

Content smile that disappeared when Dara asked right away why they were late, once Damien had to go to the restroom, and was replaced by Audrey’s face lightening up like a Christmas light because bingo they had a shower quickie that took them a bit longer than intended.

“Oh, come on, you placed a bet and all,” Dara couldn’t help but laugh out loud when Audrey said that, rightfully offended, upon seeing Billie taking out a few bills from her purse to give them to her. “Why do you two always have bets for everything?”

“Because it’s fun and I always win,” Danielle, still with her face red as a tomato, chuckled at how happy and relaxed Dara was. “You also played bets with us, darling, don’t you play innocent now.”

“Yeah but after losing a hundred dollars to you in one go, I decided to quit altogether,” at that Billie laughed, the memory of about what they bet that time coming to her mind, because Audrey was just exasperated. “How do you even do it?”

It was time for Dara to laugh. She never did much, to begin with, it was just her intuition and one of many leaps of faith she was used to take. That was her secret, not expecting the result and just go for it. 

After that and a very scandalized Danielle because ‘why would you even do that’ when Dara answered a happy ‘I’m a lucky bitch, what else can I do?’, having promised to her that one day they would tell her, a day in which everyone was wasted and with no children around; Dara managed to think that everything was finally settling again.

It was a nice feeling, because those times where Billie and her got into a discussion took a too heavy toll on her. She never liked getting into arguments to begin with, but having them with Billie was the worst thing ever because it meant for her that communication had failed. Even in the past, they only had a couple serious arguments in between all the playful bickering and the eventual ‘couch arrest’ because one of them took it a bit too far, nothing really serious taking in count the other went to retrieve the part in arrest after a few hours or the next morning. She loved how afterwards Billie got softer, more loving and willing to show her feelings, and she basically couldn’t say no to her in those times.

She also loved to be able to show it to the rest, not because she wanted to brag about, but because she had been waiting for too long to do it completely freely. 

When Audrey took her hand with care over the table and smiled widely, full knowing how much she was enjoying having Billie like that, Dara’s heart grew three sizes and for a second she forgot about how a question regarding the actress was what was behind of it all. Dara didn’t want to dwell on that anymore, because now everything was in the open to Billie understand her position and for her to understand from where Billie’s doubts were coming from. 

So the next thing she did after the tiny exchange of smiles with Audrey was to actually check her phone after twelve hours without doing it.

“Billie, did you buy a new couch?” Dara had to bite her tongue to not curse like a sailor, because really what the fuck, and Billie looked at her from behind her third glass of wine like ‘oh snap, she finally saw it’.

“You said I’ve been six years complaining about it,” Billie whined back, trying to not look at her wife because Dara was digging holes in her skull just by how she was looking at her. “So yesterday night I just ordered a new one, easy as pie.”

“And didn’t you think about measuring our living room before to see if it actually fits?” Dara tapped at the screenshot to see it better. “God, this is massive, what in th-”

But before she could keep at it, feeling how Billie’s hand was now placed in her thigh and rubbing soft circles there to avoid getting murdered in her sleep, her screen changed to display someone was calling. It took her a second to read the caller id and then all the happiness and all the warmth, dropped to her feet.

“I’ll kick your ass later,” Dara mumbled, taking advantage of Billie not looking at what she was doing with her phone, before standing up to go pick up the call. “Don’t you think I’m gonna forget about it.”

When she was at enough distance to not be heard, Dara pressed the phone to her ear, her heart beating loudly in her throat.

If Constance was calling her directly, and not Billie, it wasn’t a good signal.

“Hi Constance, how are you?” she started before the woman in the other side of the line talked, trying to not sound nervous. It didn’t help either that Dara had some sick respect for her. “Older than last time, kid, that for sure,” she replied darkly but with a tone that gave away she was distracted. “Yeah, right, do you want to talk with Billi-” it was the easiest way to make Constance Langdon talk, bringing up her wife because both had a different and stronger bond. “If I wanted to talk with Billie Dean, I would have called her, don’t you think?” and Dara’s silence invited her to keep talking. “Anyway, I was calling because miss Montgomery’s been acting weird,” Constance didn’t like Nora for the mere fact that she was the actual owner of the house and if she ever had to refer to her, it always came from a polite sarcasm. “She’s been in the front yard, sitting there all alone. Vivien and Violet tried to make her come in, they are still there with her in fact. I’m only calling because I have a bad feeling about this,”  and Dara’s heart dropped even lower than all the good feelings already dropped. “Did she said something at all? Did you actually talked to her?” She had to ask because Nora wasn’t one to go out of the house on her own volition, only coming out on Halloween or the couple times they managed to take her to the backyard. “She asked for you, actually. And it scared the shit outta me that she let me see her in fact.” Oh yeah, Nora wasn’t a big fan of Constance neither, and that was what made everything more worrisome. Dara rubbed her neck, trying to stay calm, before giving an answer. “...I’ll be there in twenty.”

She hanged up without saying anything else, and turned around to go back to the table. Desserts were already there and the adults were laughing while Damien seemed embarrassed for some reason that escaped her knowledge. 

However, Dara’s mind was racing in another line, thinking about how she needed to get to Nora as soon as possible. 

This was when her secret card was played and also why she didn’t ever found herself asking Billie almost the same question she did. Dara never got in her enough courage to ask Billie if she cared, not loved or liked, but truly cared about the ghost anymore. Mostly because she knew the answer: Nora wasn’t actually there, she couldn’t provide of the warmth, she couldn’t change, she couldn’t grow, she couldn’t even leave the place she was confined to. It pained her, it pained her for the last four years, to know that everything had come to an end.

As much as Billie played it dumb, she had noticed how Nora’s wounds had closed already and that made her feel wary. She loved how Nora wasn’t a crying wreck anymore, how her true persona came out more often than not instead of the one generated by the trauma, but those times it made Dara feel how she was lighter in her arms and even one time she felt her fingers pass through her arm as if Nora was a mere smoke curtain.

“Everything okay Annie?” Billie’s voice was as worried as the glint in her eyes, taking in count Dara was spacing out just in front of them looking at her phone.

“It was Constance, there’ve been some problem at the house and wanted me to check into it,” Dara pushed herself to act more relaxed, as if it wasn’t something really important, and Billie frowned to that. “You know her, always getting worried the house is gonna burn down or something.”

“Let’s go then baby,” was Billie immediate response, moving to stand up, but Dara put a hand on her shoulder and leant enough to kiss her cheek briefly.

“Don’t worry sugar, I got it, okay? Just enjoy the rest of the afternoon,” Chuckling, Dara retrieved her bag and called for the waitress, signaling to her dessert. “Can you put me this for take out? Thank you,” her eyes went then to Billie again, smiling softly, and then to Audrey, Danielle and Damien. “You three take care of her while I’m gone, I’ll be chopping heads off if one hair is out of place,” she laughed with her joke and Danielle only rolled her eyes a bit.

“Actually Audrey has to be the one doing that, I have to go get some last minute work done this afternoon,” Dara looked with curiosity to her cousin and she shrugged a bit. “I’m taking Dada with me, so I think these two will be alone.”

It was then when Billie looked at Dara with some kind of uncertainty in her eyes, taking her hand in hers, as if asking if she really got it under control. Dara felt moved for some reason, taking in count almost nine years ago she was the one trying to stop Billie from going into that house all alone. But she only leant over her again, this time kissing her wife fully on the lips while her free hand grabbed her cane, ending the soft affectionate move with a mere brush of noses.

“Take care, okay? I love you,” Billie mumbled, placing her hand in Dara’s thigh for a second. “Call me if it gets too bad, promise it.”

And to that Dara, already swooning too much, kissed her again to seal that promise. 

Audrey got a big goodbye kiss on the cheek, as usual, while Danielle was hugged from behind and Damien got a kiss on top of her hair and, like that, Dara was making her way to her car with a brownie for take out and all the worries about Nora bottled inside.

While driving, Dara tried to come up with a line of act. Would be Nora altered? Would she need to do an intervention? Would she have to get help from the other ghosts in the house? The only ones she manage to...befriend were the Harmon women and, stil, she wasn’t sure if Moira actually liked her taking in count the first time they saw each other...well, Dara didn’t see her in her true form right away. Hayden at times, and it was always weird. And in a very good day, specially good even, Nora’s husband exchanged some words with her.

That was maybe the weirdest part of it all, that Charles had seen her close enough to actually talk to her, because when Billie had tried to contact him - the couple few times for her research - he didn’t make a single sound.

When Dara pulled over, her head was full of all the things that could go wrong with Nora or any of the other ghosts in the house. If she had any energy back during the morning, it all went away in the fifteen minute ride to the house, making her feel as she was feeling all those days Billie was away.

Tiresome, too tiresome.

But when she crossed the fence, she fell in the spell the house always had around. Dara’s eyes went first around the front yard, taking in count every little thing she had done to keep the abandonment at bay. The lawn was a bit wet, the rose bushes as well and then Vivien was squat down in front of Nora, with Violet sitting by her side and taking her hand.

Dara walked slowly towards them, her cane tapping in the stones of the tiny path, feeling heavy with each step but getting confident as she went further and further. Vivien saw her first, then Violet, and both stood up giving Dara a pitiful and desperate look. Once they were gone, it was time for Dara to get near Nora finally, and she could only get her eyes on her back and her whole aura.

For Dara, Nora glowed that day in a different light.

“What’s the prettiest gal around doing here all alone?” she raised her voice, with enough sweetness and tenderness to sweeten up Nora’s mood.

“Waiting for the sun to come to me, sweetie pie,” for Nora, she was always something along ‘sweet’, because she couldn’t see her as anything else. “Did you see the rosebuds? They’re so lovely right now...”

Nora felt how Dara, her sweet Dally, kneeled with a bit of trouble behind her, soon getting the mint scent of her shampoo filling her whole. She could smell a hint of cigarette, Billie Dean’s perfume and the earthy scent that she came to associate with the woman that was hugging her from behind. Leaning back in the embrace, Nora lifted her hand to meet Dara’s left cheek still without looking at her, indulging in how she was resting her chin in her shoulder and pressing a light kiss in her jaw before looking at the bush with her.

“Not as lovely as you,” Nora chuckled at the flattery, knowing Dara didn’t lie when she said that. “Were you feeling better that you decided to come out?”

“Not really, but I felt like getting some watering done, can you believe it? Me, wanting to do such thing,” that drew a low laugh from both, making Dara tighten her hug. Nora went to put her hand over Dara’s, tracing her rings as usual to calm herself...even when she felt calm enough that day. “My mother would had been laughing at me for years if she ever came to know.”

“Then we are lucky she would never do,” Nora closed her eyes, feeling the warmth spreading in her chest. “Why don’t we move inside, darling? I brought with me some chocolate cake and we can make some tea, maybe tell me how was your day? I’m yours all noon.”

All mine. It rolled even more sweet in her tongue for the few seconds Nora took to react. God, she wished that was the whole and only truth in the world. She complied to that, however, whispering barely an ‘of course’ before helping Dara to stand up again. Nora waited then for Dara to retrieve the box with the cake at the porch stairs, feeling all the warmth in her body to gather where her heart was supposed to be, and once she was again by her side she quickly linked their arms to walk side by side inside.

Nora could feel the rest in the house withdraw to their usual accommodations, they always did that when she was wandering around, and she thanked them all inside because that’s everything she wanted right now. 

Chattering idly about banal things, they made their way to the kitchen that looked much better without all the things Vivien had equipped it with when they moved back in two thousand eleven. Both Billie and Dara had spent their good money in remodeling the place, little by little, so it was more like it was used to be than what years and years of different owners made it to be. It made Nora feel better for sure, less confused and out of place, because as much as she made Charles’ life a living Hell when they were alive...she was still very much thankful to him for building the place, and sorry at times for being like that.

That much she could say, at least, because she didn’t ever love him. 

Because ‘love’ was what she felt for the first time when, one night, she decided to come out of the basement, encountering a curious woman in their backyard. Same woman that was now with her back facing her, humming along a song while setting up the kettle over the stove. How curious it was that these days she could recall things like that, but she gladly took it in because it made her feel content. 

She picked at the cake with the plastic spoon, knowing she didn’t need to actually eat, but indulging because Dara had brought it. In her days, things like that weren’t usual at all, so it was kind of a delight to be able to share this even when she couldn’t feel much of it aside of the taste before it went away. 

However, her focus changed when Dara finally set their cups of tea in the counter and sat close to her, letting the kettle close in case they wanted more. Fishing her phone - and this time Nora didn’t make a face! - from her pocket, Dara put it there too before turning all her attention to her. It was easy to notice that for Nora, because her sweetheart always spread her legs a bit, letting enough space in case she wanted to come even closer, and had her left hand resting in the back of Nora’s tall chair.

“Dally, are you okay?” was the first thing she asked, watching how the lovely features of her darling were filled with dread even when her smile was on. She could see the light dark circles under her eyes behind the make-up and how she bit her lip every few minutes. 

“Yeah darling, why wouldn’t I?” she laughed in response, moving her hand to accommodate Nora’s shawl better. 

“You look tired, spent even,” Nora wasn’t the best at being subtle, so she preferred to be direct. “Do I have to call Billie Dean and put her arse into place? I swear if she’s treating yo-”

“Everything is fine Nora, don’t worry,” Dara laced her fingers with Nora’s then, making her feel that calmness that she loved about the woman in front of her. “My leg has been acting up for a few days already and work has been...awful, so I couldn’t rest much. Also how can it be Billie’s fault when she barely got home yesterday? Give her some rest.”

No, I can’t give her some rest. Nora thought squeezing Dara’s hand a bit in hers. Not when she’s in charge of giving you all our love. But she nodded, agreeing to not put in place the other socialité, because if Dara asked her to do something she would do it right away. It visibly calmed her having Nora to agree, though, and it was a view to sore eyes having her smiling in that way her dimples showed up.

"Then tell me, who do I have to terrorize the next time the house let me go out," Nora asked, not wanting to break the contact, while tracing Dara's knuckles with her thumb. "You know I can get quite scary."

"I think at this rate I'll be quitting before Halloween," Dara laughed at that, the stress lacing in her words. "But I don't want to talk about work, I'd prefer to talk about what are we doing this year in your day off, do you want to go to the movies? Or maybe this year you want to go to the beach? We can even go home and relax there, you name it, you have it."

Home. The word tasted sweet in her tongue again, and Nora really wished that apartment to be their home...or well, even the house they were in right now. It didn't matter for her to be honest, because anywhere Dara was, for Nora was already home.

And while they started to talk about it, all the possibilities they had to fulfill in twenty four hours, Nora's mind started to wander in all those things she usually thought when she was alone. 

At times, Nora pictured Dara in the time she was alive. Oh, she would totally be a charmer, one of those flappers that Nora’s mother hated so much and made sure she wasn’t even close to by making her attend parties full of ‘proper’ ladies and gentlemen alike. But she knew that Dara would manage to sneak in, her manners blending perfectly and ‘innocently’ hanging around her, sharing with Nora stories about dancing freely along the music that was played in ballrooms and about a house in the coast where they could do whatever they wanted.

Not only that would made Nora fall in love with the concept of freedom, but also with the concept that maybe her future wasn’t tied to a man nor to a child of her own...nor even tied to the status and the money. At first lying about the nature of their hangs out would be almost the rule, but then eventually moving together because ‘they liked to be around each other too much’, and then the rumors would start of course. But Nora found herself not caring at all, because as long as she was by Dara’s side that's all that mattered to her.

Cake and tea gone, Nora listened to something Dara was telling her with passion, barely asking for permission to lit up the cigarette she had been rolling while talking, before keep with the topic. Of course Dara would smoke back in the twenties too, but Nora imagined her smoking cigarrillos more than the regular or even smoking pipe, the room note hanging wonderfully in her clothes and Nora imagined herself wrapped in one of Dara’s shirts, getting comfort from that solely when she was out of the house.

“I think I’ve never seen you in this dress,” Dara’s fingers brought her back to the present when they fixed the white shawl, giving her a soft caress in her chin. “It suits you, brings your eyes and lips out.”

“You’re terrible,” In that moment, and back in her time, she blushed as fiercely as she allowed herself, her hand going quickly to shush Dara. “I had it since forever, it’s one of my favourites! I wore it before.”

“Okay, okay,” Dara chuckled again, taking a drag and letting the smoke come out of her nose and mouth in a swift move. “Sorry, these days my mind isn’t that sharp...still, you truly look beautiful Nora.”

You had nothing to be sorry for. Nora thought while finally giving in and getting her chair closer to Dara, which only looked at her warmly before leaning to kiss her temple and place her right arm over Nora’s lap, resting her hand in her hip. She missed the days they could kiss openly, mostly because she found herself comfortable being held by her and pampered in love just like that, but she understood that now things had changed. 

Damned you, Billie Dean, seven times damned. Nora couldn’t blame her, indeed, she felt...at peace knowing that her favourite people finally made themselves official. But that couldn’t stop her from being jealous of the medium, jealous because many times she wished to be the one that had gifted her that gold ring with tiny rubies that rested in Dara’s left ring finger, jealous because...well, Billie was alive and could give everything to their pretty flower.

“You aren’t that bad yourself, sweetheart,” she mumbled in response, leaning a bit better and resting her head in Dara’s shoulder, her hand tracing her necklace and fixing her shirt. 

“Miss Montgomery, you’re terrible! Scandalous even, wow,” Dara imitated her and Nora closed her eyes, feeling how her laugh vibrated through her skin like a soft hum that made her chuckle in response. And then a sweet silence settled between them, until Dara broke it again. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, mhm?”

Oh, Nora didn’t know how to start to reply to that. 

In fact she didn’t even know why Dara was there to begin with, but she found herself not caring because it was like her own feelings had summoned her that day to the house.

Nora had opened her eyes in the morning as if she had the longest nap ever, those days being like that, like a never ending nap that gave her enough energies to go through one and only day; and she felt somewhat free. The basement was in silence, as it always was after her Thaddeus had passed a few years ago, but something was calling her to go upstairs. She had done that and the first person she crossed ways with had been Hayden, that looked at her half worried half shocked, and then Violet had almost knocked her down while asking if she was feeling alright.

‘More than alright, I think I’m gonna take a walk around the house today.’ she had tell her and it didn’t come from the white lies she always told. Nora had been feeling great the moment she was out of her usual place in the house. It had been like something had set off from her chest and she could breathe again. 

So she had done that with Violet by her side, listening to all the stories Nora had of the house. Stories of the past but also of the present, and it came a moment in which she could only talk about memories she made with the woman that was holding her so tightly in her arms.

“Not much,” Nora decided to reply, closing her eyes again to indulge in the warmth. “Just that I’m glad you are here...I kinda felt like dancing today.”

When the little walk around the house had came to an end, Nora had felt like a spark starting in her belly, the one she always got when she was ready to do something fun and new. That same spark was what had brought her outside, feeling the sun in her like as if it was something she never experienced before. Then her eyes had fixed in the rose bushes - white roses starting to bloom, white roses that were planted because they were Nora’s favourites - and she found herself wondering once again if she ever felt that content with something so simple. 

“Dancing? Well, I can fix that then,” Dara finally moved and Nora almost yelled at her to not go, a sudden panic rising in her chest and her throat, but then she placed her lips to her forehead lightly to not stain her skin with lipstick. “But first I need to go to the bathroom, you wait me here okay? I’ll be back in a flash.”

“Sure, I’ll clean this...mess to entertain myself,” Nora said, letting out an exasperated breathe that made Dara laugh in response, retrieving her cane from where it was resting. “Making a girl wait, her manners’ been rubbing off on you miss Lynch.”

Nora had managed to get some already bloomed and do a simple arrangement to put as decoration somewhere in the house. But the second she had looked at her work, her energies fell to the ground and her legs hadn’t been able to hold her anymore. Alone, but without the need to call out for help, she waited there just feeling her body lighter, in hopes the sun helped her to regain some energies to keep moving. Oh, what her mother would had said if she passed out in the lawn? Her eyes could only keep themselves busy in those roses about to bloom, soft rosebuds she wasn’t sure if she was going to see them at all.

“Nora?” Violet’s voice made her hum just to let the girl know she was being listened, but her fingers were moving along the form of Dara’s cellphone. “Where’s-”

“Bathroom, in the other house,” Nora didn’t look at her, with a mere move of her head in the correct direction. “Could you give me a hand, dear? I need...well, I don’t know how this works aside that you can call, so...I want to speak with Billie Dean.”

“Why don’t you wa-”

“Privately, Violet,” she felt the tears tingling in her eyes, threatening to spill, but Nora held them. “Please.”

It wasn’t until Dara had arrived, all of a sudden, that she actually felt that both Vivien and Violet had been trying to make her go inside. The time in between when she felt her energies fall until Dara was hugging her from behind was blank in her mind, but she found herself yet again not minding at all because her sun was there already to take her home. It was the only thing she needed at this point to keep going...and now that Dara was there, she felt complete...

However, there was still a little something in her, waiting to be untied and set free once for all. Something that had to do with the woman she, along Violet, was trying to reach. The teenager was quick to find Billie’s contact and when the phone started to ring, she wasn’t nervous at all. Her hand went to where she knew the bullet hole was, out of habit, just to find the spot clean of any wound, and she smiled softly when she found her mouth didn’t taste like iron and salt.

“Annie?” oh, how jealous Nora was because she took the softer name to make it hers. “It’s me Billie Dean.” Nora said, moderating her voice because Dara had taught her at least that she didn’t need to yell at all. “Nora...is Annie with you? Is she okay?” Billie was nervous, panicked even, but she was trying to sound composed to not give it away. “Yes, she just went to Constance’s for a second. I wanted to speak with you before she comes back, Violet helped me with...the demonic device.” and at that, Nora shushed Violet with her hand so she could be alone in the kitchen. “One day you’ll call it by its name, ‘s way easier darling,” Nora chuckled at that because God, how different it felt be called sweet names from different people, even if it was the same one. “Of course.” she rubbed her hands together for a second, not knowing how to say those words. “Then...what did you want to talk about?” Billie encouraged her and Nora caught a laugh from behind her voice, not Billie’s at all. “I...thank you, Billie Dean. Thank you, for everything you have done for me.” and with that, the little something was gone and she felt even more light, her head feeling more clear. “Simple as that, just thank you.” and the silence arrived in the other side of the line at the same time the front door unlocked.

Nora’s hand pushed the red button quickly, as Violet had told her to if she wanted to end the call, and then left the phone where it was before she decided to move towards the living room and wait for Dara there.

It wasn’t as simple as that, because that would probably the first time Nora ever thanked Billie. A thank you for not letting anyone else to come into this cursed house by buying it, a thank you for restoring it for her, a thank you for letting her come in their lives…

...a thank you for letting her love Dara in a way she died without knowing it was possible.

“Did the ballroom started without me?” Dara said in a happy-go-lucky tone, hobbling slowly in the living room with her phone in hand. “Which song are we playi-”

“Can you sing today, dear?” it wasn’t an usual request, but Nora wanted to hear Dara’s voice as much as possible. “I love your voice.”

“Of course, anything for you,” when Nora looked at Dara, she looked younger, almost like she looked ten years ago when they met. Her features full of that softness she usually got when she was looking at Billie…but now, her girl got it all for her. “Then I’ll start with my favourite one.”

Once Dara was holding her close to her body, Nora knew that was where she belonged. An arm over Dara’s shoulders, the other one sandwiched in between their bodies, all of that while holding her handkerchief with one of her dearest one’s hands resting over and pushing it to her chest, where her beating heart sounded for them two. Nora found her right place in the hollow of Dara’s neck, where she could feel how the woman was starting to sing only for her.

Oh, it felt beautifully to experience that. 

She chuckled when Dara changed the lyrics to fit a bit better, all of that as they swinged ever so softly, and she could feel more eyes watching them. The energy of the rest occupants was starting to beat too fast for her, in a pace she felt herself not belonging, and she decide to press her lips to Dara’s cleavage - in the start, almost in the middle of her chest - to make herself feel anchored to something. It left a lipstick mark, but who cared in that moment? All Nora could hear at this point was how Dara’s heartbeat felt more easy to follow than anything else.

And because she finally found her own beat, her own pace...that’s why Nora felt brave enough to say those next words.

“I love you Dally,” Dara didn’t stop from moving but she did stop from singing, just so she could meet Nora’s eyes. She felt so full, so light at the same time, so very much at peace. “I love you, and I will always do.”

Easy as it was, Nora stood on her tiptoes to initiate for the first time a kiss. A kiss that was returned as if it was meant to be...as if it wasn’t going to be the last.

When Dara opened her eyes, Nora wasn’t there, but her handkerchief was still pressed in her palm. She looked around for a second, her fingers pressed then to her lips with the lingering warmth Nora left, and the silence started to press all over her body in a way she never felt before.

“Nora, where are you?” she asked out loud, moving to retrieve her cane once again, looking around not only the living room but in the kitchen. “Nora! C’mon darling, you know I don’t like playing hide and seek,” her voice wavered and for a second she tried to reach for Nora’s energy in some way, like Billie once taught her to, but not working at all. “Nora!”

Every second that it passed, Dara calling the name of the ghost, it was a torture. Not only because she didn’t get any response back but also because it started to wake other ghosts in the house. Vivien and Violet appeared when she rounded the stairs, ready to go to the basement alone - a voice really similar to Billie’s screaming at her to not do that -, and made her go upstairs along a confused Tate that was drawn by all the ruckus. Hayden’s voice was heard outside the house, calling for Nora too, but any of them got a response. 

She was starting to panic, panic like she never did before. 

The tension in her whole body was enough to make her grit her teeth, piling up in her chest and starting to burn with the buzz of all the souls trapped in the Montgomery's house. That’s why she didn’t like that part of her powers, that’s why she was so overwhelmed that there was too much activity in one place. It made her feel she was going to explode.

And when she got to the open kitchen again, Tate behind her almost pulling all his hair out, Dara finally saw Charles.

Vivien, Violet, Moira and Hayden were looking at him too, as if they had never seen him before. He looked...clean, out of her scrubs and with a proper suit. Dara knew that suit, it was the same he was wearing in that family picture Billie and her found of the Montgomery’s. Somehow, he also looked more...free, as to speak, his energy felt almost refreshing when his was always one of those that reeked in a different intensity.

Dara felt her heart beating so loud in her ears, however, making her see red again today and feeling a sudden burst of heat in her chest. In a swift movement of her hand, she held her cane more like a bat than a cane, ready to smash his head if that meant to know where Nora was, but before she could take the first step Charles spoke up.

"She's not here," his eyes went then to the rest in the kitchen before landing again in Dara. "It's useless that you keep on calling out for her.."

"What are you saying? Where did she go," it came out of Dara's mouth more like a growl than a question, one that hanged between all of them as if it was an unspoken truth and made Dara to feel multiple chills running down her spine. "I'm not joking Charles! Where the fuck is Nora!?"

"I think you know where she is, dear," this time it was Moira the one that talked, her voice filled with sadness, relief and maybe a bit of jealousy. "We all know."

No, no, no. 

"For a really long time we avoided each other, even before we...ended like this," Charles kept going, walking now to the middle of the empty living room. "Money, the house, our son... everything was something ideal to argue about. It pained me, those times I was lucid, to see us like that," he chuckled lightly and Dara's heart beated harder, painfully even. "To see that I couldn't make her happy in any possible way. It's macabre to say we got what we deserved, mostly because it was my fault what transpired in the last moments of our lives, and as the years passed by...well, let's say a hundred years gives you enough time to think and see as much as I was lost in myself."

Dara didn't want to listen to him, she really didn't. She closed her eyes and tried harder to reach Nora's energy, feeling even more strained by doing so, and then she fell to her knees without strength. A set of hands reached for her, burning like molten metal that she couldn't roll away from. But her eyes, now open again, went to the man that had stopped in his advance.

Tears blinded her, making Charles blurry in short distance along the tiny child that was crawling towards him.

Charles looked around then before leaning to take his son in his arms, smiling tenderly upon seeing his perfect face instead of what he became because of him. Giving him a cuddle in his cheek, perfect round cheek so similar to his wife, he finally looked at the woman that was breaking down in front of him. How she was being held by that young lady, the daughter of the last owners of the house; how she was crying her eyes out, the loss hitting her like icy water; how it made him see that his most wanted wish was finally fulfilled.

Didn’t Charles wanted to make Nora happy since the moment they met? Didn’t he wanted her to know he loved her?

He wasn’t able to do it, but through the last decade he had seen how someone else did. How someone had pulled all the broken pieces that he contributed to smash and put them together again; how someone else heard his Nora, made her feel important, made her grow out of many of the things that remained in her from her youth, loved her as she was instead of wanting to change her, and overall made her happy in the palace he built for her to enjoy to her heart’s content.

And that helped him heal along the way in the shadows, where anyone was noticing him, until the same woman that swiped his wife of her feet reached for him too.

“Above all the wrong I did, above all the chaos that we were,” Charles felt himself smiling truthfully after too many years, feeling how Thaddeus started to fall asleep in his shoulder. “I do have to thank you, miss Lynch, because you made us see what we truly needed.” And it felt so peaceful saying that, the heavy weight remaining in his presence lifting and flying away. “I would suggest, however, to take some vacation from my dearest house...I’m afraid there are still too many evil forces and our darling Nora isn’t here to protect you anymore.”

When Charles walked away, his silhouette and energy gone of the house, the whole place seemed to hiss and creak under Dara’s body.

A new rush of energy filled her, the adrenaline pumping in her veins with such strength that when Violet and Vivien pulled her up she didn’t feel any pain. That wasn’t the only thing she was feeling, because the energy of the house was trying to pick at her all at once. She overheard steps all over the place, not only upstairs, but also downstairs and her sense to flight ringed louder than ever when she saw Tate launching himself against another ghost that was entering the living room in that moment. The house was trying to eat her alive, not only her energy - or what was left of it at this point - but her whole body too.

"You have to go," Vivien said before Violet took Dara's hand to make her run. "Don't worry about us, you have to make it home."

The only thing Dara did was to tighten the grip on Violet's hand as they started to run as much as they could through the back door in the kitchen.

Billie had a bad feeling installed in her stomach the second Nora hanged up the phone. Not only because it was the second time in her life that someone hanged up on her, but because she had this heavy pressure in the back of her head. Pressure that was only making her more and more restless as the minutes passed by.

Audrey was being a sweetheart, like always, being the one carrying the conversation most of the time or suggesting that they should do a marathon on that show they promised to watch together. She had let Billie put her legs on her lap, she had turned a blind eye on how Billie checked her phone every few minutes - when usually she didn’t like to have it near at all, now she had it pressed to her chest as if having the device in her skin would calm her-, she had offered to make tea and sandwiches and...and Billie couldn’t be more thankful to at least have Audrey here.

When Billie spied on Audrey making the afternoon snack, she had wondered where she had learnt to be like that. Even when she was feeling uneasy, Billie’s mind dug up everything she had learnt in those years about her best friend, and she was sure the way she was trying to act more homie wasn’t something she had in her before. Half hidden between the cushions, Billie’s mind also started to wonder and wonder, and in between wondering she asked herself for a second if maybe once was remotely possible to have that view everyday.

But soon she found that the view didn’t happen in her old kitchen, didn’t belong to this time nor even to this her. 

This her wasn’t what Audrey needed, that for sure, what she neede-

Audrey thought she was going to have a heart attack the second the door opened wide all of a sudden. It banged against the wall with such strength that it startled her enough to drop what she had in her hands. Turning around, the only two things Audrey saw was Billie standing up of the couch at light speed and Dara in between the couch and the kitchen counter, panting harshly as if she was barely catching her breath in that moment.

All that before falling to the ground as if her whole body had given up.

It sent Audrey to panic, making her let out a loud gasp, and she rounded the counter to find Dara sobbing loudly on the floor, clawing at her shirt as if she was trying to get out of it unsuccessfully and she was clearly hurting herself in the process. 

“Annie, Annie, stop!” Billie’s panicked scream made Audrey react enough to hold herself in the counter. She silently watched in horror how her best friend reached her wife, the first thing she did was to hold her wrists to stop her. “God, you’re...bleeding, what...Annie, please, don’t-” 

In all the time Audrey had known the couple, she hadn’t seen the youngest part of it to act differently as calm. Dara’s sobs were heartbreaking, choking on her tears and own breathing, making her cough violently because she was trying to speak at the same time. It was a mess, a scary one in fact, and Billie was handling it all by herself as best as she knew. 

“Baby, please, I need to see...” Dara had managed to break free from Billie’s hold and was now protecting her neck for her dear life while Billie was trying to pull her up against her chest, so Dara’s back was resting there. “You’re boiling in fever...Annie, c-can you stand up? Love, listen to me, you need to calm down…”

But the best that Billie knew, wasn’t enough right now. 

How could she handle Audrey so well, yet when her wife was the one she was about to panic? She didn’t ever see Billie panic, getting mad for sure, but panic? Ever. And as scared, anxious and confused as Audrey was, something inside her tried to clear her head to help two of the three people in her life that always came to rescue her when the bad days were too much to handle.

“Bills, we need to get her in the shower,” Audrey’s strained voice surprised Billie, but watching her move was what made her react again. Dara was pretty much still a mess, but now she was trying to hide in Billie’s chest with any energy she had left. “You hold her body, I get her legs.”

Watching Dara whine and cry harder just because she seemed to think Billie was leaving her was one of the hardest things she saw. Billie kissed her head and whispered things Audrey couldn’t understand for a solid minute before they managed to lift her joining forces. Dara hissed in pain as soon as Audrey pulled her legs up and Billie looked even more in panic, eyes even more full of unshed tears. But they made it to the ensuite bathroom as fast as they could, which made the suffering end quickly.

“I’ll start the shower, get her out of her clothes and...try to see if she’s more hurt,” Audrey was trying to keep her cool, let Billie handle her wife, by being useful and ease things for them.

“Yeah, I-I’ll...yeah,” her hands were unbuttoning Dara’s shirt when Audrey turned around to give them some privacy, which she always tried to give them even when they were together. “My love, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere…” ‘My love’ sounded right in Billie’s lips when she directed i to Dara. “There you a-your knees are scraped too...Annie, what happened…”

Dara only sobbed harder with that and when Audrey turned around again, she felt her heart squeeze very tightly inside her ribcage upon seeing Dara like that. Stripped down except for her underwear, she realized then that she wasn’t as full as she used to be, her skin was glistening with sweat and Billie had used her own t-shirt to clean the blood coming out of her nose and out of the scratches in her chest. Did she always had that scar in her left collarbone? Even the scar from the accident in her right hip was even more scary. And all of that as whole made Dara look so...small and vulnerable, that she could understand why Billie was crying finally.

“Billie,” Audrey called out for her and Billie seemed so lost once she managed to look back, so sad, that she had to put her bravest face on to not let away her own fear. “If she has fever, we have to lower it.”

Billie looked then at Audrey with new eyes, her arms tightening around Dara to protect her from anything. 

The uneasiness she was feeling suddenly made sense, the voice talking to her from another side telling her something completely different to what she was hearing in reality. And it was a shock that she totally wasn’t prepared for. How bad she wanted to kiss, to hide, to do anything in her power to take the suffering away from her wife.

“Sweetie,” she felt her body restarting, letting go a ragged breath for a second, her hand cradling Dara’s head against her chest better. “She’s burning up and if we don’t do something, it will go worse.”

“Yeah, we have to,” Billie felt herself nod, only making worse the raging headache she felt building up behind her eyes, and she wasn’t sure how but with Audrey’s help they both lifted Dara again to make her stand in her feet, even when it was clear she couldn’t keep herself standing. “Let’s do it, I got you...we got you.”

Upon saying that, Billie suddenly felt the scent of million roses filling her. Oh, you were always so extra. She felt herself tearing up again and Dara got a new whole wave of sobs, because obviously she was feeling it too. Audrey couldn’t, God blessed her, and she felt more eager to get Dara under the shower just because of that. 

Billie didn’t care her clothes got wet, she just stood there holding her close to her chest and letting her cry. When was the last time she was like that? Not even the breakdown in the morning compared to this one, it wasn’t even similar. And she let her do that, to cry, to be held, to let go of all that; because she deserved it. Trembling as she was, Dara kept mumbling and sobbing what it seemed apologies, and Billie shushed her with all the care in the world.

They would overcome this too, she was sure of it, as they did all those times before...but this time, Billie was going to be the one guiding her love through it.

Once Dara managed to stop trembling and to be separated from her wife, Audrey got her wrapped in a towel, firm arms holding her while Billie took off her clothes and went to retrieve dry ones for both. Asking her in a mere whisper if she could walk, Audrey also managed to make Dara move little by little towards the bed, where she sat her and started to check the superficial scratches she had. Billie left a pair of her own pajamas by Dara’s side before going to retrieve something to patch her wife up, and, along with her best friend, they worked through the tiny injuries before helping Dara to get in new clothes.

“I’ll go get some tea,” Audrey said finally in tiny voice, once Dara was settled under the covers like a crying ball that she still was, and Billie was trying to kiss her tears away. “Do you want something else dear?”

“C-can you stay tonight?” Billie asked right away, looking up at her friend in a way Audrey never saw her before. “I know you have a lot on your plate, even more after these days, and I’m sor-”

But Billie got silent went Audrey walked towards her to kiss her forehead first and then put her hand in Dara’s cheek tenderly. How could she say no when they both had done bigger things for her? How could deny her best friend that, seeing how much she needed a hand with this new situation, when she never asked something in return?

“I’ll do, don’t even apologize,” she said in a whisper before leaving the room. “I’ll also get some hot towels just in case, okay?”

When they were alone, Billie didn’t lose time to get in bed with Dara, who reached for her as soon as she was close to bury her face in her chest once more. She wasn’t sobbing anymore, thankfully, but it was scary how she seemed unable to stop from crying. Billie brushed her wet locks of hair out of her face and kissed her brow with love, kissed anywhere she could to not let her think she was alone.

“I’m sorry I let her go,” Dara cried, her body shaking with a sob that never reached her lips. “I’m sorry Billie, I’m sorry...I had to do something, anything...and now she’s...she’s gone Billie, Nora is gone…”

“Your love took her there,” Billie whispered with the warmth she felt in the back of her neck intensifying because she knew they were being listened. “You healed her, my love, you helped her to finally move on...and that’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Billie knew too many things Dara was completely oblivious of, oh that she knew, too many years holding all the secrets the ghost confided in her. And her last words for her wife were full of those secrets and the truth. 

Maybe one day she would be able to tell everything to Dara, because she was sure Nora wanted her to know eventually; maybe the next morning she would ask for the whole version of what truly happened; maybe Billie would find a way to let Dara go back to the place she loved.

But for the rest of night, once Audrey came back with everything and with her help they kinda sandwiched her wife between them, she was pretty much okay with finally resting of the whole madness that this was.

Rest from all the countdowns that came to an end in two days. Rest from all the doubts and wonderings, rest from ten years of being a total coward.

Rest knowing that, finally, she was free to love Dara as much as she deserved.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations - How to Crack the Code

Now that Season Three of A Series of Unfortunate Events has aired, I feel it’s about time to finally tell y’all the Code from The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations- for those of you who can’t get the book, haven’t read it yet, can’t figure out the code, or who just don’t wanna spend time finding it out yourselves. 

On page 188 of The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, the key to cracking a code sprinkled throughout the book is provided: 

WARNING → THERE IS A SECRET MESSAGE IN THIS BOOK

You may have noticed a cross-referencing technique that appears throughout these pages, looking as such: (See: Notorious Researchers, pg. 30). This device is a helpful way to direct readers to relevant information that can be found elsewhere in a text. 

It is also a handy way to send a secret message. 

Every librarian knows that books contain secrets, and hiding a secret message in the pages of a book is a frequent VFD tactic. Volunteers who cleverly cross-reference will discover the message, while their enemies, who rarely finish a book, remain unaware. 

If you have read this far, you may be wondering how to discover this message yourself. First read the book carefully, making note of any parentheticals shaded an unusual hue. This is no printer error; it is a key informing you that part of the message can be found on the suggested page. Follow the references and locate the letters colored a corresponding hue. These letters are scrambled, not unlike an anagram. Once you have unscrambled the word, write it on the color-coded line of this telegram. Completing the telegram will reveal the answer to a question that has stumped philosophers, police inspectors, and even Lemony Snicket: 

What comes after the end of The End? 

Next to this description is a photo of a telegram, which is fourteen words long: 

___ ____ __ _______ 

____ ___ __ _____ 

____ ____ _____

__ _____ _____

And, indeed, each word is underlined in a different color. 

Now... onto cracking the code.

As referenced, there are occasional cross-references in the text. And sometimes, the See: is in the color you need to look for. 

If you follow each See to its corresponding page, you’ll find letters scattered across the text that are in the color you need to find. These letters make up each word. 

Word-by-word, let’s see what we can find: 

The first word, in dark purple, is on page 133: The Reptile Room. To be honest, this is the hardest word to find: the dark color is very close to the color of the actual text. There are three letters here, in the following sentences: 

You always want to do something new, but at the same time, I wanted to see if there were clues I could integrate into the design. 

This flips it so the priority is the reptiles, and his own living space is sort of diminutive. 

And in “The Reptile Room,” [Monty]’s delighted to share his world with these kids. 

otw

The second word is on page 99: Toupees for Toddles, in an orange-ish color. There are four letters, which can be found in the following sentences: 

“Well, we can’t put a wig on a baby.” 

It’s one of the oddest things I’ve ever done in my career, applying a little wig on a baby. 

When we started the second season, Presley had grown her hair long enough that we could actually create the ponytail with here own hair, which was a relief. 

ests 

The third word, in a hot pink, is on page 130: Mr Poe’s Office. There are only two letters, which can be found in the following sentences: 

It can be goofy, but it’s never goofy-stupid. 

He’s the guy that’s literally standing between Olaf and the Baudelaire fortune. 

of

The fourth word, on page 110: How to Dress for a Masked Ball, in a gray-blue color, can be found in the following sentences, with seven letters: 

The flashback that opens “The Carnivorous Carnival” is set at a Venetian-style masked ball, where masks conceal a number of familiar faces. Cynthia Summers designed each mask with the character in mind, including Dr Orwell’s “eyeglasses,” a Medusa-inspired snake mask for Uncle Monty, and theatrical comedy/tragedy masks for the Snicket Brothers. (Jacques wears the comedy mask, while Lemony, of course, is tragedy.) The ball also marks the first on-screen appearance of the mysterious Beatrice, described in the script as “a beautiful woman dressed as a dragonfly.” 

eidnrsf

The fifth word, four letters long, is on page 45: Olivia Caliban/Madame Lulu, is in gray: 

A dangling thread from Season One was a certain book on secret organizations discovered by Justice Strauss - a book whose title will be familiar to anyone reading this. 

Still, they liked the idea of a character finding The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations and having the book change your life, as it will no doubt change yours. 

While the book’s version of Olivia is a veteran agent of dubious morality, the show reinvents her as a noble school librarian struggling against institutional corruption. 

There, disguised as Madame Lulu, she fulfills her mission of passing the book to the Baudelaires - and sacrifices herself at the lion pit to save their lives. 

jtsu 

The sixth word, colored light orange, is on page 109: How to Dress for a Career in Food Service. The three letters can be found here: 

Author Daniel Handler explains that the VFD agents we meed in the show are the types of people whom children notice by adults overlook. 

You’re going to notice things that are invisible to the adults talking over your head. 

Take a good look at the restaurant’s terrifying logo. 

uto

On page 141: The Miserable Mill is the seventh word, in two red letters: 

“The Wide Window” left us with no more stage space, so it forced us to shoot the mill at a real location, an old dock building which we then tried to make look like a stage. 

Klaus comes back from the eye doctor, but he isn’t quite himself. 

fo

The eighth word is on page 97: The Real Sugar Bowl. There are five light purple letters: 

According to Esme, it was stolen from her by Beatrice, and according to Olivia, it may have been the reason for the VFD schism. It’s not the first sugar bowl to play a vital role in a work of classic literature (interested parties may seek out We Have Always Lived in The Castle at their local library), but Daniel Handler muses on another possible inspiration: “There a whole sugar scene in the movie Midnight (See: Snicket, Jacques, pg 44) that must have seeped into me when I was a child. Somehow I think that was one of the sugar bowls of literature that ended up sneaking in.” 

The existence of four identical sugar bowl [props] may be of interest to Esme Squalor, or at least her actress, Lucy Punch, who requested to keep one when the series wrapped. “My character was so desperate for it,” says Punch. “It seemed appropriate.” 

eahrc

The ninth word, in blue, is on page 172: The Carnivorous Carnival. There are four letters: 

There’s literally no program you can watch that’s any wierce. 

The aesthetic of carnivals and circuses is naturally creepy and absurd to begin with. And then you add the overlay of our material, where everything is filtered  through the Baudelaires, so the sets are designed to be seen as if you’re a vulnerable child glimpsing this horrible world and trying to maintain hope. 

Count Olaf arrives at Caligari Carnival, where he hopes the fortune-teller can help him. 

wlli

The tenth word is on page 89: The Many Faces of Barry Sonnenfeld. There are four green letters: 

and in “The Vile Village,” he’s the fire chief posing with his Dalmatian int he firehouse-turned-saloon. 

A common ancestor to our series’ interconnected families? 

Barry birthday is April Fool’s Day, and for his birthday, I decided to knock off a painting with him in it. 

We’re shooting the Hotel Denouement right now, and the whole hotel isi based on the Dewey Decimal System, and each floor is a different subject. 

eetm

On page 64-65: The Sinister Songs, you can find five magenta letters for the eleventh word: 

“I was a huge fan of the books in my twenties, and I  was also a huge fan of Barry Sonnenfeld, so to see those two come together and actually be a part of it was unreal.” 

Count Olaf introduces himself to the Baudelaires with this song and dance - ignoring the fact he’s already met them. Handlers says, “Singing is perfect for Count Olaf because he imagines himself so wonderful.” 

All of the dance numbers were choreographed by Paul Becker, who pulled double duty in the first half of “The Carnivorous Carnival”.

She’s had quite an exciting / Time on the road

agina

On page 24: Violet the Inventor, there are two gray letters for the twelfth word: 

But now those inventions, like the Baudelaire mansion itself, are gone. 

She promised her parents she would always look after them, and while Count Olaf’s schemes have put that promise to the test, Violet’s managed to stand strong in even the most unfortunate situation. 

on

Pages 116-117: Deciphering Code: Using the Dials of the Spyglass, has five purple letters for the thirteenth word: 

As a volunteer, you already know why and when the spyglass was created (See: Motion Picture, Pg 10) but we will briefly recap its history here.

A permanent mark has its advantages, since even the most absent-minded member rarely leave the house without their ankle (See: Peg Leg, pg 86), but it has its drawbacks too, particularly if the organization undergoes a schism, so that the same symbol that once stood for comradery and literacy suddenly represents treachery and pyromania now that it is inscribed on the ankles of your enemies. 

But just as a movie might be more than a movie, a spyglass can be more than a spyglass. 

Critics called these films terrible, which was the point: Sebald wanted to ensure that no one would want to see them besides other volunteers, who would be more interested in their secret messages than their artistic value. 

The cinema’s projectionist assigns the film a production code made up of a unique combination of numbers and symbols. 

riynb

The fourteenth and final word can be found on page 32: Who is Lemony Snicket? There are five pale green letters: 

He is currently investigating the lives of the Baudelaire orphans,  though his reason for doing so is unknown, as are his whereabouts. 

Mr. Snicket can be identified by his dry wit, his tailored suits, and his ankle tattoo, as well as his tendency to launch into wordy monologues containing Very Frequent Definitions. 

But when developing the series for Netflix, Barry Sonnenfeld and Daniel Handler independently felt that their Snicket should be seen as well as heard. 

And they both independently thought of Patrick Warburton, a frequent Sonnenfeld collaborator whom Handler had loved in a little-seen film called The Woman Chaser. Volunteers who track it down will note that it features Warburton speaking to the camera in a suit and a deadpan style that one might call Serlinig-esque - or Snicket-esque. 

haebc

The Code

So now we have all the words:  

otw ests of eidnrsf 

jtsu uto fo eahrc 

wlli eemt agina 

on riynb haebc  

Which do not take a long time to unscramble... 

What comes after the end of The End? 

Well, it turns out... the code is a couplet... 

Two sets of friends, just out of reach 

Will meet again on Briny Beach.

[ddaisyroots]

AhAHA please dont listen to any of this

I'm literally going to sit here and scream.

It's only 11, I never get this upset this early. I thought I was feeling better but then it all got lonely and I had nobody to talk to, and god I am terrified of being alone. I dont know why. Maybe its because I get locked in my room of a night and aren't allowed to talk to anybody until the morning. That's never fun. I hate it, they know I hate it, but they seriously just dont care. I've had a headache, been nauseous, miserable and dizzy for hours now from some injections I had to get today. Yet I was forced to tidy my room or not go to a comic con that she hadn't even booked, it was my dad. She was going to stop me from seeing me dad if I didnt tidy my room with my achey ass arms. Yall see the fucking bullshit there? I tidied it, decided to have a lay down. Then was told to get a shower. I'm not a fucking scruff, I'm fine with getting a wash, its seeing myself I'm not ok with. I'm not allowed my phone in the bathroom anymore, so I cant listen to music to distract myself. I told them this information, I got called stupid and to just get on with it.

Not too long ago, one of my "best" friends keeps on bringing in alcohol and pressuring me to drink some of it. First it was vodka, then gin, then jack Daniel's. After the gin, I was forced onto one of those big ass swings, (I'm scared of heights) and because I am EXTREMELY light, I was pushed to the lord himself. They only let me off when they saw my face had turned green and pale. I hadn't eaten dinner that day so I didnt have anything to vomit afterward, but god I felt like I was, even if nothing was coming out. I don't know why I still hang around them anymore. After I sat out underneath the slide, still feeling sick, they simply laughed at me for being a "lightweight" (I have never drank in my life, only last christmas, so of course I'm gonna be a lightweight. I couldnt see straight, my chest was burning and two online folk had to assist me (thank u Norah))

I always tell myself to never go to the park, but I always go anyway, not wanting to be a spoilsport. It always. always. Ends with me crying. I always go home upset and none of them ever care, but honestly as soon as either of them are upset, it's all "oh no! Is everything alright? Do you need anything?" But me, the tranny, gets fucking LAUGHED AT every SINGLE fucking T I M E. I am sick to death of being treated like shit, I get told "oh, you dont deserve it" by my online friends, but if I really didnt deserve it, why is it happening? Riddle me that, sh e r l ock. Why is it FUCKING HAPPENING IM SO TIRED OF IT. Theres no way for it to stop without me being a social outcast either. Ill loose them all and I'll have nobody to hang around with, i dont want to seem pathetic and alone. I am, but I dont want anybody in my school to see that. You could get beat up for that. Stabbed if you're lucky. God. I want to be put out my misery and fast.