#mayo and Nutella

[whosname]

Our Sugar King. Our Mayo King.

[basketonthedoorstepofthefbi]

"dance recital" - hotch x mom!reader!

your family attends your daughter's dance recital

1480 words, domestic family fluff

cw: none? unless u hate kids then don't read this xD

a/n: i am looking at requests and actually have a couple of them started! inspiration just struck and i needed dance dad hotch xD plz keep sending requests i love getting them

---------------

Lizzy had been practicing for weeks, at home, in the car on the way to school, even in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. If there was a free moment, she was up on her toes, practicing her dance routine.

When she turned four, she was so excited to sign up for dance class, and now her very first recital is later today. She takes it very seriously, and you attribute that entirely to her hardworking father. 

You’re standing in the kitchen, packing the picnic lunch you’ll be sharing as a family after her recital in the park. PB&J, no crusts, for Jack. Even though he’s nearly ten and he should be eating his crusts, you can’t help but to baby him a little. He’s been such a good big brother to Lizzy. You were anxious about that when you were pregnant with her, since Jack was so used to being the only kid. And there would always be the looming presence of Haley and the family he was a part of before you came along.

But Lizzy became the center of Jack’s world when she was born. He’s so doting and always playing with her, from when she was an infant to now. 

Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for Lizzy, because she has a sweet tooth just like her mother. Turkey and cheese for you and Aaron. “D’you want mayo, honey?” You call out to wherever Aaron is in the house. He was in the living room just a few minutes ago, but with your two crazy kiddos, he could have ended up anywhere. 

“Just the mayo, no honey,” Aaron jokes and nearly makes you jump as he enters the kitchen, padding silently behind you despite being the largest person in the house. Must be that fancy tactical FBI stealth training. 

He stops at the counter, leaning against it and facing you. Your eyes meet his and his voice is low when he speaks to you. “You need to make a big deal out of this,” he prefaces, nodding to the doorway. You don’t fully know what he’s talking about, but you understand enough, so you set your butter knife down and turn around to face the doorway. Aaron makes a drumroll on his thigh. “Come on in, kids!” 

Jack enters first, in a bright orange t-shirt that is definitely a size too big. Written in blue, puffy fabric paint, no doubt by Jack himself, are the words PROUD BIG BRO. Jack’s also holding Lizzy’s hand, escorting her into the kitchen. She’s in her violet tutu and has her hair up in two haphazardly pulled-back pigtails that could only be described as the work of her father. She’s walking on her tiptoes, with her free hand arched up in a semicircle shape, mimicking all the ballerinas in her books. 

You’re beaming, and take the sight in silently for a moment before bursting into uproarious (for one woman) applause. “You guys look so great!” You exclaim, grinning at the kids, and then back at your husband. He’s got this sly look on his face and you want to smooch it off. “When did you make this shirt?” You ask Jack, stepping forward and grabbing his face with both of your hands. You kiss his forehead and ruffle his hair.

“Dad and I did it while you were at the store last night,” Jack explains. 

“I love it, baby,” you tell Jack, and he beams. You stroke the apples of his cheeks with your thumbs before releasing him. 

Lizzy lets go of her brother’s hand and leaps for you. “My big girl is all dolled up for her first recital,” You lift her up, hugging her close. “Did Daddy do your hair for you?” you ask.

“Yes! He sang our song and I didn’t cry!” she says. You always sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to Lizzy while you brush her hair because she’s very tender-headed. It makes your heart soar to learn that Aaron did it, too. 

“I’m so proud of you!” You kiss Lizzy’s face all over until she squeals and wriggles to get away. “Why don’t you guys go play in the living room for a little bit, and we’ll get going soon,” you suggest. Jack races Lizzy into the living room, leaving you and Aaron in the kitchen alone. 

“You did her hair,” you say as you smirk up at Aaron. 

“Yeah, I know. It's not as good as when you do it,” he settles back against the counter and you roll your eyes. He’s holding his palms out, wiggling his digits. “I’ve got sausage fingers, and she cries if you pull the twist-tie too hard. It’s heartbreaking.” 

“And you made a shirt with Jack,” you say, ignoring his self-deprecation. Your smirk has turned into a full-force, Category Five Grin. 

Aaron realizes what you’re doing as you inch a little closer. He takes your wrist delicately, tugging you toward him, and you kiss his lips three times in succession, each a quick thank-you for all he’s done. “You’re the one driving her to classes twice a week,” Aaron deflects. “And Jack to school, and to soccer practice, and doing all the shopping and-“

“Aaron,” you roll your eyes in warning. You hate when he butters you up like this. You’re just doing your job, just like he is when he’s away on cases. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he holds his hands up in defense, and you snatch them like they’re precious jewels. You kiss him again, this one longer and lingering. 

You finish packing your family’s lunch into the cooler. Lizzy’s recital is at a small amphitheater in the park, and after you drop her off with her teacher backstage, you and your boys find a good spot on the green to set up your picnic blanket. 

Aaron makes this small grunt when he squats to sit down on the ground and you hold back a snicker. Jack does not read the room and calls him an old man. 

You’re giggling as you sit down, Aaron tugging you to sit between his legs. You affectionately run your hand through Jack’s hair a few times before the first class comes up onto the stage. 

You watch the first class, and the second, clapping politely. Then, the four-and-five-year-olds are announced, and you are on your feet immediately. You hear a bit of rustling and Jack and Aaron are standing up, too. You grin when you see Lizzy with the other little kids, holding the hands of the boy in front of her and the girl behind her as they all walk in a line. 

Their dance is simplistic and whimsical and joyful, set to a light, poppy tune that makes you think of spring. You’re grinning and watching Lizzy float across the stage. She’s not the most graceful, but she hits every move at the right time.

You hear rustling behind you and turn over your shoulder to see Aaron and Jack subtly performing the dance with the class. They’re not moving nearly as dedicatedly as the group on stage, but they’re helping Lizzy from the audience. It’s so sweet you want to cry. 

When Lizzy’s group is finished, the three of you on the lawn explode in applause. Aaron wolf-whistles behind you and Jack is cheering, “that’s my sister!” 

After the other classes go, you’re allowed to head back and pick up Lizzy. She’s giggling with the other kids in her class, but she freezes and grins like it’s Christmas morning when she sees you. 

“Mommy!” she squeals, and runs to you. You lift her up off the ground in a hug and spin her around, before passing her off to Aaron. He does the same thing. “Dizzy! Dizzy!” She’s squealing, and Aaron finally sets her down. 

“Dizzy Lizzy, huh?” Aaron teases, running his thumb and his forefinger down one of her pigtails. “You did so good, sweet girl!” He was never the best at baby-talking to Lizzy, but now that she’s a little girl, he speaks to her so excitedly and she always beams when she learns her father is proud of her. 

“You got the leap at the right part!” Jack exclaims proudly, and you watch as Lizzy hugs her big brother. 

You point out the picnic blanket with the cooler and tell Jack to take Lizzy ahead to it. Jack loves being responsible, so he takes Lizzy by the hand and leads her towards your family’s setup. 

Hanging back with Aaron, you look up at him and brush his dark hair off his forehead. “You learned her dance?” you ask with a small smirk on your face. 

Aaron’s dark eyes gaze into yours and he wraps an arm around your shoulders, tugging you close to him. “She was doing it every chance she got,” he shrugs, like it’s totally no big deal. “You’re telling me you don’t have it memorized?”  

[bothsinfulandsweet]

a very fattening day

my master told me that i've been slacking off and not being a good piggy (despite me still againing weight even while sick) so he decided to push me really hard yesterday and my king and other feeders helped.

i soend the whole day with my ass parked on te couch only getting up to go to the bathroom and walk the 10-15 steps to the door to get my food.

first i had a surprise ihop order. pancakes, bacon, eggs, hashbrowns. then chase it down with two cups of cream and nutella courtesy of my king.

lunch was mcdonalds. 20 nuggets, 2 fries, 2 shakes and 2 regular cheeseburgers. my master also bought me mayo and ordered me to dip everythibg in it 😭 i felt so greasy and sick and dosgusting. fell into a food coma only to be ordered to "snack" on 4 big protein cookies (+400 cal each). my tummy wss so upset and i felt soso heavy

dinnertime was the worst. i had a 14" pizza with thick crust and cheese crust plus mcdonalds. 10 nuggets, a big mac, a double quarter pounder, 3 fries and two milshakes. more mayo. and on top of that o hadnpromosed to drink cream before bed. it took me 4 hours to finish and i was soso full and it hurt so nice🥵💦 it was really hard but i think i had never been that full before.

i felt like i was going to explode. panting, sweating, horny beyong belief. i couldn't move much because i was afraid of puking and i was also was pinned in place so i had to sleep on the couch. also i didn't manage to finish one of the milkshakes or drink the cream. so my feeders made a compromise and let me sleep only if i doubled the amount of cream and drank my shale like a good pig in the moddle of that night and i did just that🐽 then had more cream this more right after waking up

i am going to get so fucking fat like this😮‍💨💞🥺

please feel free to send teasing/humiliation in asks or dms🫣

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

Ah I thought you were excluding what you considered to be "common" condiments instead of condiments that could be ingredients as well, and I was dumbfounded how you got cream cheese on that list before something like ketchup. I understand now.

My grandma is an amazing cook but the one thing of hers that I will never eat is her meatloaf. It's nasty. Everyone elses meatloaf is nasty. Just think about it, it's a loaf of meat and mustard and undercooked onion bits, how in the world would that ever taste good

you get one condiment for the rest of your life (excluding mayo, cream cheese, and butter) what do you pick

Uh. What a question lmao.

Does soy sauce count? Because I'm doing soy sauce. If it doesn't count, then ketchup because I'm basic

[localoceanqueer]

Tbh none of these are weird to me but they've all made one or more friend(s) say wtf so this is what yall get

[prize-pig-collection]

What would it take to get someone to eat a jar of mayonnaise as if it’s a jar of Nutella?

Not by tricking them or something, but getting them used to scarfing it down just as willingly…because mayo is more fattening, and every calorie counts…

[miroslavcloset]

Besties, I got into the rabbit hole of those funny ads from the German players and I found some hidden gems you need to see Joshua - Hellmann's Mayo Ad Marco Reus - Hot Wheels Ad Lewy - T Mobile Ad, and the FIFA 14 stuff Thomas - That farm Ad idk the product name but the one where he chases chickens, milks the cow and all that stuff Of course the legendary Nutella ones are still on top

[the-ace-with-spades]

So as a Polish person, I both love and hate Polish! Ice as a headcanon, but my grandma is half-Italian and somehow this manifested into Italian! Mav so here we go (spoiler: there's a lot of food involved):

Mav's mom was first generation Italian born in NYC, lived in Staten Island until she married Mav's dad - her family was from Bologna

Mav, despite the hero worship he had for his dad, was mamma's boy

she could speak Italian well and did so around the house but never taught Mav, and what little Italian he could speak, he forgot once she died and he wasn't around the language

she, however, left him their family cookbook, entirely written in Italian, and so recipes are the only text he can understand without googling a lot

after he retires, he wants to take some Italian lessons with Ice

as mentioned in one of my post's tags, the few words he remembers and are still natural to him are pet names; he calls Ice caro (dear??) like his mom called his dad, mio angelo, tesoro (sweetheart/honey??) and when Bradley was small and he was tired, he'd call him bambino

He also uses sei un raggio di sole (you are a ray of sunshine) sarcastically when Ice is grumpy -- it's a phrase his mom used when he was grumpy as a kid

he couldn't say 'I love you' to Ice for some time so instead, he'd say ti voglio tanto bene and then eventually moved to ti amo and then to English

he actually really likes to cook, he just needs to cook for someone - he was taught that cooking is a sign of love so he likes to cook for their family, but not just for himself

Bradley couldn't eat nutella for years b/c Mav's homemade nocciolata was so much better. Ice could literally kill for his nocciolata-filled bomboloni and ricotta and strawberry jam crostata

Slider often 'visits' them to get their leftovers and had once asked Mav to make him aubergine parmigiana and shrimp risotto as a birthday present

Mav makes Ice tiramisu as a pick-me-up when he needs to leave for long

Mav loves wine but it must be complimentary with the meal

he makes his own pasta and if you're in the kitchen while he's making it, he's going to use you to roll or knead the dough for him

when Carole was getting sick but still staying at home, he'd make batches of ravioli, tortellini, tortelloni, mezzelune, cappelletti -- any stuffed pasta that could be frozen and then quickly boiled -- so Bradley would have dinner when Carole was having a bad day

he refuses to ever make fettuccine alfredo as a rule b/c it's boring and its american, and will never make meatballs to serve with spaghetti, but Ice broke him and he now finally can do the americanized marinara sauce

their house has plenty of jars -- homemade pesto (3-4 different kinds), a mayo-sized jar of oregano, thyme, rosemary, a jar with grana padano in the fridge and a whole shelf filled only with different kinds of oil, cooking wine and vinegar, and a little garden with fresh basil and, once they moved to San Diego, tomatoes. Ice has to remember to water it when Mav is away in the summer

he does the stereotypical arm waving and shoulder shrugging while talking but only when he is either worked up or tired

they also have that one special kind of plates, white with blue and yellow decor and sunflowers on the main dish plate

As a bonus, Polish Ice headcanons:

Ice's mom emigrated during WWII but his dad was second gen born in the US -- she was from Gdansk

he can cook pretty well, especially polish recipes, since he often helped her cook at home

he, however, hates cooking. But he will absolutely stress-make pierogi if he can, usually a huge batch of like 50 or something

he did hand over the polish recipes to Mav - the only thing is, Mav refuses to make bigos for him (b/c he'd need to make his own sauerkraut and it stinks)

he drinks his vodka neat, in a glass, not as shots, adds coke if he's going for a 'light-drinking night'

he occasionally goes to mass at a Polish church - he, usually, doesn't understand most of what's being said but his mom used to take him to one each Sunday and it's now a form of comfort

His favorite childhood meals were placki ziemniaczane (potato pancakes) with mushroom sauce and pyzy (type of dumplings) with plums, which Mav can now make in his sleep

he's never attempting to learn Polish

but he wants to visit Gdansk and the Polish seaside once every few years

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

LATE NIGHT CRAVINGS

THE NANNY: ONE SHOT

LATE NIGHT CRAVINGS

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: Annie and her baby are very hungry.

Warnings: Language.

A/N: none.

Word count: 1728

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

GIFS not mine, you can find the credits in each gif :)

                                     ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Right after the first horrible trimester, where Annie couldn’t hold anything in her stomach. She was now pretty much eating properly. That was until the cravings began. Andy had found her eating the weirdest combinations, pepperoni pizza with Nutella spread on top of it, fried chicken with strawberry jam, Doritos with nacho cheese and jalapeños, this one wasn’t gross, Andy tried it and actually liked it.

Until one day Andy saw her opening a jar of pickles. Her wife was sitting in one of the stools by the counter, taking a very juicy pickle out of the jar.

“What are you doing?”

“Eating, duh!”

“You hate pickles, you say they’re gross.”

“Shhh, your baby wants pickles!” She took a bite and moaned, “Why is this good?”

“They’ve always been good.”

“No, they haven’t.” She bit it again, “Something is missing.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know what, but something is missing.”

One day after work Andy found her making a sandwich. And it was by far the worst combination she had come up with. The sandwich had ham, mayo, peanut butter and pickles, and soon that sandwich was made by Annie at least once a week, and she enjoyed it every time.

It was another Wednesday at the Barber’s household, everything was silent. Andy snores filled the room and Annie was very much awake, her tummy grumbling as minutes passed.

She stood up slowly making sure Andy didn’t woke up and made her way downstairs. She opened the fridge and then the pantry to find nothing appealing for her hunger. She was thinking what she could make when the image of a fresh batch of hot steamy Mcnuggets came to her mind. Her mouth watered when she thought about the flavor of them covered in barbecue sauce. But how could she go to McDonalds without Andy noticing? She knew that if she took the car, the sound of the engine going will wake him up. She shrugged, put on her sneakers by the door, grabbed her keys and made her way to McDonalds by walking.

The streets were empty, the fresh air of the night was hitting her face, and she kept walking until she saw the yellow and red sign. She walked to the door only to find it closed, but she could see people inside, so she knocked on the window and waited for a tall curly blond haired teenager opened the door.

“How can I help you?”

“I was hoping I could get food.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, we only serve food on the drive tru at this hour.”

“Oh! Didn’t know that.”

“No problem, have good night.” And then he closed the door.

Annie stood there for a minute until she walked over the drive tru walking happily.

“Hello?” Annie said through the speaker.

“Good evening, how can we help you?”

“Hi! Yes, I want some nuggets and fries.”

“Ma’am, are you the lady who was at the front door?”

“Nop.”

“I’m seeing you through the camera.”

“Then why you ask?”

“Ma’am you don’t have a car, I told you we only…”

“Serve at the drive tru, I am at the drive tru! Listen, I’m pregnant and I have cravings for nuggets and fries, can you please, pleeeeease just give me my order. I have money, I will pay you. Just…”

“Ma’am!” A female voice talked behind her.

“Fuck!” Annie jumped, “Sorry! You scared me.”

“I’m sorry I scared you. Come with me.”

Annie walked behind her and to the front door.

“Come on in.”

“I thought I couldn’t get in.”

“Well, technically, you can’t. But I can’t leave a pregnant woman outside waiting for food, now can I?”

Annie walked in and sat at one of the tables.

“I’ll bring you your order in a moment.”

Annie waited patiently and a couples of minutes later the girl came back with a tray and her food in it.

“Here you have, 20 nuggets, large fries and a coke.”

“How did you know I wanted 20 nuggets?”

“When my mom was pregnant with my sister, she got this every now and then.”

“Smart woman! What’s your name?” Annie took one of the nuggets and dip in the sauce.

“Eva.” Annie moaned when she bit her nugget, “The other guy is Malcolm. Sorry about him by the way, he is kind of new.”

“Will you get into trouble for letting me in?”

“I hope not, you are just hungry and don’t seem dangerous.”

Andy turned on the bed to find Annie’s spot empty, he thought maybe she was in the bathroom but the light was off.

“Honey?” no response.

He got up and walked downstairs to see if she was in the kitchen, after all it wouldn’t be the first time he had found her eating at this hour. But again, she wasn’t there. Not in the living room nor the office. He took his phone and dial her number, the phone began to ring upstairs.

“Fuck, Annie!”

He then dial Anthony’s number, he knew Anthony had the night shift on this day, who rapidly answer the call.

“Hey, man! What are you calling me at this hour?”

“Annie is not in the house, are you busy?”

“Not really. Slow night, thankfully.”

“Perfect, you try to find her.”

“Andy I’m sure she is not missing. Did you really check the whole house?”

“No”

“Ok, do that and then you call me, ok?” And then he hang off the phone.

A young guy came into Anthony’s office.

“Hey we had a call from a guy at the McDonalds on Main Street, apparently a pregnant homeless woman is in there eating, think you can get a look?”

“Of course!” He was just leaving the station when Andy called him again.

“She is not in the house! Now, can you help me or not?!” Andy’s voice was loud and angry.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find her.” And again he ended the call.

Annie was half way through her nuggets when a knock on the glass door made Annie and Eva turned around.

Eva walked to the door and then Annie saw Anthony walked through the door.

“Annie?”

“Hi!” Annie waved, “Did you come for food too?”

“No, I came because a guy call to say there was a pregnant homeless woman in here.”

The three of them turned to see Malcolm behind the counter.

“What the fuck! Malcolm!” Eva said.

“You let her in and you don’t even know her!”

“She was hungry!”

“Alright! Stop, both of you! Annie, what are you doing here?”

“I was hungry.” She lifted a fry and then put it in her mouth.

“Did you tell Andy you were coming here?” Annie shook her head, “Of course not. Ok, grab your food and I’ll take you home.”

“Can I have a cone before we leave?”

“You,” Anthony pointed to the guy, “give her an ice cream.”

The two of them left the place, not without Annie thanking Eva for letting her get into the place and have her food.

Annie was licking at her ice cream, the rest of the nuggets and fries in a bag, when Anthony spoke.

“Your husband called me twice to tell me you were missing.”

“Ammm, Can I go to your place?”

“Oh no! You get yourself in this mess, he was pretty worried when he called. So you better be prepare.”

When they arrived, they both got out of the car and Anthony rang the bell, a couple of minutes passed before Andy opened the door with a worried/angry look and his hair all over the place.

 “I brought something that belongs to you.” Annie step aside and smiled to Andy.

“Get in, now.” He said through gritted teeth.

Annie walked passed Anthony, “Thank you for the raid.”

“No problem, next time just use an app to buy food this late, ok?”

“God, the app!” Annie said knowing that could’ve been a better option than walked all the way to the place.

“Have a good night.”

“Thanks for bringing her.” He shook Anthony’s hand and closed the door.

Annie walked to the kitchen and sat in one of the stools to enjoy the rest of her meal.

“I really can’t believe you! You went out to have McDonalds on your own!”

“I’m a grown woman I can buy my own food.” She bit the nugget in her hand.

“It’s fucking almost 1! You are pregnant! And I was worried!!!”

“Stop yelling, you’re going to wake Jake up.” She had a sip of her drink, “I was hungry, nothing bad happened, relax.”

“And what if it did? God! Annie you can’t be walking around in the middle of the night just because you are hungry…”

Andy kept rambling as she ate, she knew he was angry the moment he called her by her name and not honey or baby. Andy was passing in front of her still talking about how dangerous and irresponsible it was for her to be out at this hour. Annie sighed and lifted her shirt up showing her very rounded and fuller boobs to Andy, who just stop his ranting.

“That’s not fair!”

“Why not?”

“We can be having an argument and then flash me, is not fair game and you know it!”

“You were having an argument, I was eating peacefully.”

“How did they get prettier?” Andy asked curiously as Annie just shrugged.

“Are you still mad?”

“YES!” Annie jiggled her boobs, “NO! ...YES! ...fuck! you are not playing fair!”

“I’m not playing at all.”

They stayed in silence. Andy’s hands on his narrow hips as Annie took the last bite of her nuggets.

“Are you done?” Annie nodded “Good! Now go to bed and when I get there I want you naked.”

“Thought you were angry.” Annie lifted an eyebrow.

“I am angry! And I’m going to give you a lesson!”

“No, you won’t.” Annie jumped off the stool and yawned.  

“What?”

“I’m tired, I walked all the way to McDonalds. My feet hurt, and I’m sleepy… we are sleepy.” She said rubbing her bump. “So, I’m going to bed, can you throw all that,” She pointed to her trash, “for me?” Andy just stared at her. “Thanks, you are the best.”

Annie walked out of the kitchen and to the stairs.

“God, please just gimme patience.” Andy said looking up. “And you better calm down.” He said now looking down at his pants, “Cuz we both now we are not getting any tonight.”

[jelly-bebop]

Cowboy Bebop Headcanons

Late-Night Snacks

OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS? MY FIRST HEADCANONS POST? IS IT A GOOD POST? PROBABLY NOT, BUT HERE IT!

Imagine it's like 2 AM, a wonderful time to get a snack when you wake up in the middle of the night... or when you just can't sleep. Here's what I think the Bebop crew (+Vicious) would be caught snacking on this late.

Are these accurate? Probably not. Did I have fun coming up with these....... kinda? Am I willing to do more stuff like this? YES. PLEASE. SEND ASKS.

SPIKE SPIEGEL

Cold Cuts, y'know... sandwich meats. He gets into that at night sometimes. It only bothers people when he eats an unreasonable ammount in one night.

JET BLACK

When he is depressed, he gets into the tub of cool whip, Jet tells him not to, but he does anyways.

Spoonful of peanut butter, and I'm talking a HEAPING spoonful, he either does that or decides to be a civilized person and make either a ham and turkey sandwich (if Spike didn't eat all the cold cuts) or a peanutbutter sandwich.

On depressing nights, it's condiment sandwiches. Just bread and mayo or mustard (or both) or ice cream.

FAYE VALENTINE

Chips, if there are any chips you don't want her to finish in one night, HIDE THEM. She has gotten in trouble for eating a whole bag of chips in one night.

Whenever she is going through a bit of depression at night, she gets into the junk food. Any junk food. Candy, chocolate sauce, ice cream, ANYTHING.

EDWARD

At night, they get into the Sour Cream & Onion Dip, without hesitation (totally not based off of something I used to do when I was younger). Eats it by the spoonfuls. It makes everyone who witnesses them eating it VERY uncomfortable.

Even kids get depressed sometimes, but for some god damn reason, I feel like if Ed got depressed, they'd eat an entire jar of Nutella on two slices of toast.

VICIOUS

He is 100% standing in front of the microwave waiting for ramen to cook. He's just staring, watching it rotate. He makes people uncomfy because of this.

On those days when he possibly feels depressed, anything in a can that can technically be eaten without having to be heated up works with him.

[whosname]

[Id. Gintama fanart. Me eating a bag of mayo flavored chips. on my right there's a happy chibi Hijikata with heart eyes hugging a chip. On my left there's an offended chibi Gintoki telling me "Yo! What's with the dog food flavored chips?!" I'm answering "Oh, don't worry. We're having Nutella flan tomorrow". End Id.]

The Gintoki that lives in my brain was quite offended by the mayo-flavored chips but, the Toshi that lives in my brain? Happy mayo king

[yourlocalmechanism-dr-carmilla]

What is your favorite food crime?

Dip fries into milkshake or soft ice

Nutella w butter

Mixing my mayo n ketchup.

[gibbearish]

protip for people who like to collect containers: most plastic tubs from the store are top rack dishwasher safe. so far my favorites for collecting and reusing are ice cream gallon buckets, but i also have sour cream tubs, peanut butter/mayo/nutella jars, cream cheese spread tubs, i think i have a parmasean shaker somewhere? but yeah. top rack safe

[doofnoof]

Had my first pb&j, courtesy of your instructions. It was good! The white bread was definitely needed, and the glass of milk was surprisingly a really great touch. I'm not usually a fan of milk, but I stayed true to your advice and was pleasantly surprised.

I've reported my experience to my irl aussie friends, and they are equally as baffled about jams and jellies being in bottles, rather than jars, so I'm glad it wasn't just a "me" thing.

Thank you for your work, I salute you! 🫡

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO HEAR!!

The cold milk is the best part to me, because it washes away the Sticky Peanut Butter Feeling. I am very surprised that Australian Folks perhaps aren't real big on PB+J, but I salute YOU for trying it out anyways!

If you wanna try more "regional" sandwiches, I have always been a fan of Fluffernutters, which is white bread, peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, closed off with another piece of white bread (or toast if you want it, I prefer the toasted method).

Or instead of jelly/marshmallow fluff you can put Nutella on your sandwich. That one is divisive but good, and more of a dessert than a lunch!

My mom does mayo and sliced banana for a sandwich sometimes, but I don't like that one very much.

[clarafyer]

I should really list my safe foods so here I go - These foods I almost always will eat. Sometimes there are days where the preference against them is so strong that I will physically gag upon just smelling them but it is a rare few foods that that happens

Meals

- Bush's chili beans - hot (if possible: with cayenne pepper, black peppercorns, and garlic power)

- Chicken tenders/boneless wings (preferably with buffalo sauce)

- Pho

- My signature Subway sandwich

- IN ORDER: Italian herb and cheese bread with turkey, bacon, provolone cheese - toast. Guacamole lettuce, chipotle southwest sauce (ask if I want onion, sometimes that preference changes)

- Kraft mac n' cheese (ORIGINAL FLAVOUR PLEASE EVERYTHING ELSE IS BAD)

- CocoWheats for breakfast almost every day

- McDonald's order: 10 pc chicken nuggets with buffalo sauce, large fry + chocolate shake if it's one of those lucky days

- Sushi (Salmon nigiri, salmon avocado rolls, Alaska rolls, dragon rolls, those frickin crunchy rolls with spicy mayo are good :) also wasabi is an absolute yes, SHRIMP IS A BIG NO EW)

- Pizza (Pepperoni, onions are a sometimes thing, buffalo sauce is common but not a dependency lol ALSO EXTRA TOMATO SAUCE IF POSSIBLE)

- Pasta (regular spaghetti or farfalle (bowtie shaped) with just butter, Cavender's seasoning, and occasionally marinera)

Snacks

- Frozen blueberries

- Spicy cheetos

- Takis (chili lime or the blue one)

- Strawberries

- Pretzels with Nutella/chocolate covered pretzels

- Goldfish (classic or flavour blasted cheddar)

- Oranges

- Chips and salsa (either my recipe or whatever's closest to almost every Mexican restaurant's salsa)

- Apples (slices are awesome but I don't care about whole ones) (ALSO ALMOST EVERY APPLE RELATED DESERT IS AMAZING)

- Saltines

- Doritos

---

CURRENTLY OUT OF IDEAS BUT THIS IS ALREADY KINDA MASSIVE I THINK-? There are other foods I do like but aren't really an always thing. I used to be a looooott pickier when I was little, but before I even had any idea about being autistic, father dearest told me to at least give new foods a try and not just refuse everything, and I heeded that advice. I'm willing to try foods if they look particularly appetizing, buuuut most of the time it ends up being okay the first 2 bites and then it's bad to me

OKAY BYEEEE I'M MAINLY USING THIS AS REFERENCES TO MAKE LIFE EASIER FOR ME AND MY RELATIVESSSS

[alchemicxl]

Does anyone ever just eat mayo from the jar like it's Nutella