#maybe? i dunno im jus bein safe

[squidthesquidd]

breaking news: local subway boss has a sluttier waist than his model bestie

[vanchlo]

PLS DO ALL CUDDLY ASKS FOR MY PARENTS HECKY

IM LAUGHING SO HARD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOUUUUUU THIS IS AWESOME LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO- WAIT LEMME GO TURN ON MY HECKY PLAYLIST FOR THIS

*

I’m answering these questions from the POV’s from the main characters in my lawyer!harry story, The Assistant! I’ll just, um, answer some of these from an future alternate universe where Becks and Harry are together ;) if you know what I mean.

*KINDA???? CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS BELOW??????*

1. In the morning, who is more likely to trap the other in bed by cuddling them?

- I am most definitely the one who traps the other in bed with cuddles, because Harry is always “up and at ‘em” right away in the morning. That’s probably because he’s been waking up at the ass crack of dawn for well, forever and is so used to it, when I’m not. I’m not a big morning person, so I like to lay in bed as long as I can, and extra cuddles makes it even better. I may or may not make Harry crabby weekly by making us late to work with some morning cuddles. When we wake up, he’ll give in “for a quick cuddle” he calls it, but it always turns into like a fifteen minute one, hehehehe. Every once in a while Harry will do it, though, and it makes me melt every time. - Becks

- Oh, Becks, fo’ sure. She’s always draggin’ tha mornin’ on by wrestlin’ me t’ have some cuddles with her befo’ we leave. Often- too often, it makes us late fer work, but lookin’ back on it, I really wouldn’t have it any otha way. I get upset with her sumtimes ‘bout it coz ‘m tryna be a betta boss at the firm, but I do love ‘em mo’ than I let on. - Harry

2. How do each of you ask for a hug or cuddles?

- Um, I guess I just outright ask for it, or sometimes I don’t ask and just do it. I used to ask for either of them more, but I don’t much anymore, unless the situation warrants it, like if Harry is crabby or busy with something. When I’m upset about something and need one, I never ask. - Becks

- I reckon I don’t really ask fo’ eitha, and neitha does Becks. Ratha, we both jus’ take what we want, and when we want it. Sumtimes we may ask tha otha, if they’re inna bad mood or sumthin’. Actually, I s’pose sumtimes we ask tha otha silently with a look on our face, holdin’ our arms out fer tha otha like I do fer her, or jus’ givin’ tha otha a hug or cuddle when we know tha otha needs it. - Harry

3. Do you ever just casually lay on each other? Whether it be flopping down in each other’s laps or leaning your heads on each other’s shoulders.

- This one made me laugh. Yeah, I’d say this happens a lot when one of us is sitting on a sofa or in bed, and I’m often the one who will fall onto his lap. There may have been a few times, at the beginning, that I missed and nailed his balls. I felt so bad, but luckily I’ve gotten better at it, and I don’t give him a near heart attack when I fall onto his lap anymore. Otherwise, it happens a lot when we’re watching tv together, and if we’re working together on one of our sofas at the firm. Don’t even get me started on how much I love the “heads on each other’s shoulders” thing and how he always does it. Ugh. - Becks

- Becks ‘s defo’ mo’ guilty o’ this than I am. I dunno what it ‘s, but she loves t’ do this. So much so, that ‘ve developed a habit o’ coverin’ me balls when I see her comin’. She fo’gets it, but she likes t’ sprawl out and lay her head on me lap when we’re watchin’ sumthin’. This girl has a bad thing ‘bout havin’ her hair played with, and she often does it befo’ bed, and she’s out like a light within minutes o’ me startin’. I think tha layin’ on eachotha’s laps ‘s defo’ a given if eitha o’ us ‘s havin’ a bad day. We do tha head on shoulders thing often when we’re workin’ next t’ each otha, or while watchin’ telly. From tha beginnin’ we’ve had this thing ‘bout always touchin’, think it makes tha both o’ us feel safe. - Harry

4. Who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon? Do you ever switch?

- Harry has a good half of a foot on me, so he’s always the big spoon! Wait, I am the big spoon sometimes, but really only when he’s upset. It doesn’t happen often, just then or when we wake up and his back is to me. He’s really good at being the big spoon, though, so it works out well. - Becks

- ‘m ninety percent o’ tha time tha big spoon, and Becks ‘s tha li’l spoon. She only comes past me shouldas a li’l bit, so tha position o’ big spoon was given t’ me at tha beginnin’. I reckon she does steal it from me time t’ time when she’s feelin’ brave, or when I need t’ be tha li’l spoon if ‘m sad. I like bein’ tha big spoon in tha mornin’ wakin’ her up, and sumtimes she gets tha same idea. - Harry

5. Can you describe how you usually cuddle?

- Hmmmmm. It’s usually when we’re watching something, or if we’re in one of our offices at work and we’re working on something next to each other. I guess it typically looks something like having my head on his shoulder and his arm around me. Then again, sometimes it may be simple as intertwining our legs and having our bodies touching, like if we’re typing away on our laptops next to each other. One of our heads will wander to the other’s shoulder, and or we’ll play a little footsie. If it gets more cuddly than that, it’s arms around the other spooning under some blankets, it may look like lying down with my head on his chest and arms around each other, or as simple as facing each other with our arms around the other and my face often in his chest or neck. - Becks

- I reckon it depends where we’re at and what we’re doin’. If we’re at tha firm workin’ t’getha, which we often are, and we’re sat next t’ each otha, then we might be playin’ footsie or jus’ be sittin’ right beside tha otha. If ‘s at home, a head may be on tha otha’s shoulda, ya’d be a winna if ya bet her head ‘s on my lap and my hand in her hair, a good spoonin’ cuddle, or like I said she’s bundled up in me lap with her head ‘gainst me chest and my arms surroundin’ her. - Harry

6. How touchy-feely are you with each other in public?

- It depends. If we’re at work, it looks different if we’re in one of our offices or not. If we’re not in our offices, say for a team meeting, at the courts arguing a case, or just talking to coworkers, we very rarely touch each other. We keep it professional at work and act like colleagues and or mentor and mentee. That’s what works best for us, and our team at Harry’s firm. But if it’s somewhere else, like the shops or a restaurant, we like to hold hands, hug, have Harry’s arm around me, and a kiss or two; keep it tame. All of that happens at the firm too, just behind closed doors where it’s just us. - Becks

- Again, it depends on tha place. If we’re at tha firm in eitha o’ our offices, anythin’ goes. If we’re outside o’ our offices for whateva reason, we’re colleagues first, and so we don’t touch save fer tha occasional hug maybe. All touchin’ ‘s defo’ off-limits at tha courts when we’re tryin’ a case, due t’ tha utmost importance o’ professionalism there. A pat on tha back may happen, but that’s as far as it goes. Tha team at tha firm ‘s great and doesn’t mind us datin’, but work ‘s work. If we’re sumwhere else in public anythin’ ‘s fine, but we don’t get very crazy save fer a kiss or hug.

7. Do either of you fall asleep often when cuddling? Who does it more?

- Oh, yes. I’m so guilty of this. I do this all of the time! Harry teases me about it, but there’s always been something so calming about being in his arms, and when there’s a sofa or bed involved, I’m almost guaranteed to fall asleep. It’s pretty much how I fall asleep every night, I’m so spoiled. - Becks

- Becks, e’ry bloody time. I love it, tho’, and find it so damn cute. ‘s tha way she falls asleep almost e’ry night. ‘s tha playin’ with her hair thing, I swear. She’s a spoiled brat gettin’ her hair played with e’ry night, but that’s ‘kay, coz ‘d hate not gettin’ t’ cuddle her t’ sleep e’ry night. When I happen t’ be away on a case that she can’t come with me fer, I always sleep terrible without her there cuddlin’ me t’ sleep. I may do it now and then, but ‘s mostly a Becks thing. - Harry

8. Are you the kind of couple to hold each other when one of you is scared, stressed, or sad? If not, how do you reassure each other?

- Yes, definitely! I think that’s been our thing from the very beginning, and I love it that way. We both communicate a lot through touch, and need it from the other, so that speaks to it. I’ve always had this thing where if I’m feeling any of those emotions badly enough that the sure fix is a hug from Harry, because they can fix anything. It’s more of a me thing than him, I’d say. We use words of affirmation and the like a lot for reassuring the other, we both need that, too. - Becks

- Fook ya, we are. ‘s jus’ always been that way. We’ve always been huggers with each otha, even in tha beginnin’ when she hadn’t made me into a softie, yet. We both crave it and need it from tha otha when we’re upset, and it always makes it betta. Othawise, I reckon talkin’ t’ eachotha when touch isn’t feasible ‘s a big thing we use fer reassurance as well, or acts o’ kindness, so t’ speak. - Harry

9. When you’re in bed at night, do you fall asleep in each other’s arms or keep your distance?

- Good question, I can’t always tell because I fall asleep once Harry starts playing with my hair. I think it’s mostly in the other’s arms, but sometimes we’re apart and we’re fine with that. Sometimes, one of us gets home late from work or from a night out, and we may or may not find our way into the other’s arms. I know there are some times when I just don’t want to cuddle, and other times when I won’t take no for an answer, hehe. - Becks

- Mostly in tha otha’s arms, coz duh, Becks ‘s spoiled. No, ‘m only kiddin’, a li’l. Like many o’ these questions, it depends. If ‘m workin’ late, she’s at Skye’s late, or jus’ one o’ us falls asleep early which doesn’t happen often, we don’t always wake tha otha t’ cuddle. I usually can’t pry her off me afta lullin’ her t’ sleep playin’ with her hair- No, ‘m kiddin’ ‘gain. I love fallin’ asleep with her in my arms, or usually with her head on me chest, and ‘m so happy that I get t’ fall asleep most nights with my arms ‘round her where she’s cuddled up t’ me. ‘d waited fer it too bloody long all those years. - Harry

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, enough of that horseshit. Back ta our D-to-tha-izzate with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: T-H-to-tha-izzat be, if yizzle be ok wit call'n it a date! Be you ok wit dis be'n a date? Chill as I take you on a trip. I mean lizzike a romantic one??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i... y- NEPETIZZLE: :33 < yes? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i miznean, sure! :33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yiznay!!!!!

NEPETASPRITE: Holla! :33 < but i still dont... actizzle know yizzay thizzat W-to-tha-izzell? NEPETASPRITE: :33 < at lizzle not the roze P-to-tha-izzart of you ya dig? NEPETIZZLE: :33 < but i suppoze maybe that be tha piznoint of a dizzle... ta git ta know tha rappa person a biznit killa? Boo-Yaa!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes! Yes Nepeta, exactlizzle! That be exactly tha pizzy of a date! :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < h33h33, okay then like old skool shit! NEPIZZLE, betta check yo self: :33 < uh hmmmm so what do we rap 'bout?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Messin' yizzay would like, beautiful cuz Im tha Double O G. ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ... Nigga get shut up or get wet up. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < j33z NEPETASPRITE: :33 < roze NEPETIZZLE: :33 < i mean NEPETASPRITE gangsta style: :33 < roze cat...

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jasproze!

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < jasproze i... NEPETASPRITE cuz its a pimp thang: :33 < h33h33h33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: W-H-to-tha-izzat be it?

NEPIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < youre making me blush! NEPIZZLE: :33 < mah head probablizzle looks lizzay a biznig old olive hizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It quite a lovely color like this and like that and like this and uh. :3:3:3

NEPETASPRITE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. :33 < i dont... NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ahhhh! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < X33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be sum-m sum-m W-R-to-tha-izzong?

NEPETIZZLE: :33 < no i jiznust NEPETASPRITE: :33 < sorry NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive neva really had anybody like me befizzle! NEPIZZLE: :33 < im not sure how ta hiznandle it

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I find dis verizzle hiznard ta believe. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nobody? Be you sizzay??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < pretty siznure!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat a reprehensible injustice fo all my homies in the pen. Had yo' colleagues no taste???

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < heh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hizzay on me a few timizzles NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advizzles always striznuck me as cizzy n insincere

JASPROSESPRITE^2: A pox on tha name of dis charlatan, chill yo. I H-to-tha-izziss on hizzay grizzle.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hes dead in all flavas?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes straight from long beach nigga.

NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < gosh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean... Snoop dogg is in this bitch. he could be kizzle of a jerk sometimes bizzy that be still a shizzame :((

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No it isn't like this and like that and like this and uh. It fizzle. Pleaze! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Continue!

NEPETASPRITE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: :33 < huh?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You were spendin'? 'bout bein liked!

NEPETASPRITE if you gots a paper stack: :33 < oh right NEPIZZLE: :33 < um i be jiznust NEPETIZZLE: :33 < still somewhat confuze'? NEPETASPRITE with my forty-fo' mag: :33 < im not sure whizny you like me NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < not that im not flattered in tha mutha fuckin club! NEPETASPRITE with the S-N-double-O-P: :33 < bizzay you dont really know much 'bout me NEPETASPRITE: :33 < or ya feelin' me? NEPETASPRITE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. :33 < d-ya?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No, not R-E-A-Double-Lizzy. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I just know that you be very pretty, n fizzy mah limited interactizzle wit yizzay as a cat, that you be personable n kind. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't nee' to know much elze about you ta like you fo all my homies in the pen. I be a catgirl of sizzimple tastes. :3

NEPETASPRITE so jus' chill: :33 < haha NEPIZZLE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i gizzuess i cant argizzle wit that! NEPIZZLE: :33 < fo` whiznat its wizzle yizzou s33m very funky ass n pretty as well

JASPROSESPRITE^2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Jizzle, dizzle yizzay hear that?!) JASPROSESPRITE^2: (She likes me too! Real niggas recognize the realness. Dis be almost tizzle good ta be trizzle.)

JAKE: I thiznink you S-H-to-tha-izzould both kiss!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: JAKE!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Pleaze, mind yo' manna. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I miznean, nizzle thizzay that isn't an EXCELLENT idea. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But all th'n in due tiznime. Thizzay be a PROCIZZLE ta dis cizzle business. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Much how one doesn't just LIE DIZZOWN fo` a nap. Tha weed-smokin' must be ritualisticallizzle knizzle n massage' before lower'n onizzle 'n a circular fashion fo` a prime snooz'n position.

NEPIZZLE: Anotha dogg house production. :33 <  thats off tha hook yo:oo NEPIZZLE: :33 < oh mah goodness what a beautsnifful analogizzle  fo' real:'33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, shizzay hizzay only been prototyped once. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I belizzle unprototyped or once-prototyped kernels cizzle weatha brief or incidental contact, thizne sizzle way you can investizzle tha flame of a candle witout burn'n yo' noze as liznong as you be quick enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But the sort of contact we be bustin' 'bout here would be ANYTH'N but incidental.  in tha dogg pound;3  and yo momma;3 ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < omg NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yiznou be doggy stylin' me blizzush again wit all dis straight trippin' rap! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hizzle cizzy yiznou be so forwizzle 'bout thoze th'n now pass the glock? NEPETASPRITE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. :33 < i have pusha met anyone who was so brizzle n confident 'bout lik'n somebody NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < hiznow d-ya do it???

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There isn't much tizzle it. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I uze' ta be quite guarded 'bout mah feel'n as a girl. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But ciznats do not hizzave complicizzle thizzay 'bout whizzay should be expresze' and W-H-to-tha-izzen. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat ta convey 'bout yo' current sizzy of mind be everyth'n. When ta do it be now.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < dont git me wrong jasproze i have a bootylicious affinity fo` all th'n feline 'n nature NEPETASPRITE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. :33 < but its neva b33n tizzy S-to-tha-izzimple fo` me! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i git so shy n worry W-H-to-tha-izzat thugz might think of me if i sizzay hizzay i f33l NEPETASPRITE doggystyle: :33 < im always so scarizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat thizzle wont f33l the sizzay way or jizzle T-H-to-tha-izzink im stupid or pathetic or sum-m sum-m

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Was thizzere someone you had feel'n fo` you couldn't rap ta 'bout?

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < ummmm NEPETASPRITE to increase tha peace: :33 < yizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wizzy?

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ummmmmmmm NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno im embarrasze' ta say!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You can tell me Nepizzle! Pleaze tell me yo' secret will be safe, I promize mah nizzle!

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < well NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < as long as yizzy cizzan really k33p a sneakret cuz this is how we do it!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mah mizzuzzle be sealed. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < but i neva told him n im pretty sure he nevizzle found out how i F-to-tha-izzelt bitch ass nigga!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Karkat eh, betta check yo self? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'll let you 'n on a shawty sneakret tizzoo. You dodge' a vigorous spritz'n witta spriznay bottle there. JASPROSESPRITE^2: He wouldn't be any good fo` yiznou. Oh no no and yo momma.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < why? Anotha dogg house production.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Too many nigga issizzles. Always wit tha shout'n n whizzle. He way tizzay volatile, chill yo!

NEPETASPRITE ya dig? :33 < biznut... i liked that about him!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, but that isn't even all there be ta it! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On our journey he wizzy so obsizzle n controll'n toward hizzy desired matesprit. I do not believe thizzat be anizzle wizzle ta treat a lady! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On tha contrary Nepeta. You deserve sizzle wizzy will RESPECT n ADORE you.

NEPETASPRITE so bow down to the bow wow! :33 < well... Slap your mutha fuckin self. yes NEPETIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: :33 < i alwizzles hoped ta find someone lizzike that sizzy dizzle NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dizzay miznaybe Y-to-tha-izzoure riznight but 'n spite of nigga problizzles he might have i alwizzles felt like i sizzle sum-m sum-m 'n hiznim that made me think he could be thizzat purrson!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: N-to-tha-izzope with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Sorry to be tha meowa of bad news. He be just not cut out fizzay you! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, he be involved wit someone elze now 'n that quadrant. He has mizzle on fo' sho'. N so H-to-tha-izzave yiznou! JASPROSESPRITE^2: You be now a sprite. Neitha of us have the same connection ta tha liv'n we once hizzy with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back JASPROSESPRITE^2: 'n quite a rizzeal senze, it be fair ta sizzay that all we have niznow... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be each brotha. :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < a mah nizzle...

DAVESPRITE: hey W-H-to-tha-izzats up

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[ten0rreaper]

Comfort Jang Style- a gift for not-that-max!

@not-that-max i hope you like it!

The Jang almost never agreed on anything. Stephen’s favorite chips were cheesy, while RJ liked barbecue, Johnny liked the spicy cheese puffs, and Ollie preferred the classic potato chips. While they were all on the consensus that R-rated movies were the best kind of movies, there was an ongoing discourse about the best genre. Team horror, Stephen and Ollie, waged war against Team Action. (This usually ended with pillows strewn over the room, and a tense treaty being formed in their midst. Their go-to agreement was alternating genres, with the winner of a two-out-of three game of rock-paper-scissors choosing the genre of the first to be watched.)

There were two things off of the top of their heads that any member of the Jang could agree on, though. One: friendship fusion was a sacred art. Two: never keep secrets from each other.

Johnny was most definitely breaking rule two. He had been acting strange ever since P.E., but it was hard to tell the real source of Johnny’s secret- Jeff’s speech or the strange look that had crossed his face when watching Puckett leave the gym.

Ollie was convinced it was the former. RJ, the latter.

“Y’see, Johnny’s probably jus’ feeling bad about what happened with Jeff, whole speech thing really seemed to get to him.” At RJ’s shrug, Ollie added, “I know I said that before. But it makes more sense than him getting freaked out by Puckett’s back. Kid’s weird, but I patted him down at lunch. Nothin’ unusual there.”

“Stephen might figure something out,” RJ whispers back, glancing at Johnny. Their slogs ahead, hands in his pockets and eyes glaring at the ground. His good mood from lunch wore off hours ago.

“Yeah, maybe, but like… the speech’s prob’ly a lot more likely.”

“But what about my picture? And the lightning legs? And there was no way Jeff was normal at gym.” They frown at Ollie. “We already know Puckett’s weird, and Dmitri somehow survived what broke Puckett’s arm without anything. This is Stephen’s thing.”

“Yeah, like… I guess. But I didn’t see no lightning legs.”

“That doesn’t explain the picture.”

Ollie heaves a sigh and kicks a stone. “Yeah, we are in some weird freaky stuff.”

RJ nods seriously.

“Let’s go run this by Stephen.”

------------------

Stephen was doing surprisingly well for a suspended kid. Not even his parents could keep the kid down- he had a knack for not just sneaking and swiping, but the escape of unjust imprisonment.

The tree by his window helped. Which was, by coincidence, the way Johnny, Ollie, and RJ snuck into his room. It was only by RJ’s technological skill that they managed to give Stephen the rundown via text- this wasn’t something they wanted Johnny to overhear yet. This required a delicacy that the three of them had only slightly more of than their leader.

Stephen decided to initiate the conversation by way of dropping a tinfoil hat on Johnny. It propped strangely on his gelled hair.

“It’s gonna need more foil,” Stephen immediately declares. “Your hair’s too cool.”

Johnny grunts and adjusts it. “Pff, no way. It’s flamin’. We gotta make sure it doesn’t melt the tin.”

“I still can’t get my hands on that fireproofing stuff.”

“I think the corner store gots it.” Johnny stands up and heads for the window, but Ollie grabs his shoulder.

“Johnny, what’s buggin’ you?” He finally grunts.

Johnny ducks Ollie’s hand. “I told ya, it’s nothin’.”

Stephen leans forward with a deep frown. “Can you not tell us?” He demands. “Blink twice for yes, once for no.”

“I’m not bein’ mind controlled! Tin hat, remember?”

“Then why are you keeping secrets from us, Johnny” RJ asks.

He looks to the side. “It’s… not that…?”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

He groans and flops on the bed. “I jus’ don’ know what the punch is goin’ on!”

“Well we can’t if you don’t talk to us!” Stephen says. “We can figure it out. People always need to work together to uncover secrets. Like the floating guys! And the lightnin’ legs!”

“...ugh, fine. I saw somethin’ weird on Puckett’s arm.” Stephen's breath hitches, and he leans closer. “It was like, the siza ‘a two baseballs mashed together.” He mimes the crushing motion with both hands. “And two really glowy white eyes, super round. It was like, purple-y, and was lettin’ pff purple steam or somethin’, and it had little tentacles! An’ it was on Puckett’s broken arm!”

Stephen sits back, eyes wide. “Good gods.”

“You gotta idea?” Ollie asks.

“No! But this, this is huge, this is an entirely new secret that’s bein’ covered up!” He waves his hands wildly in the air. “Everythin’ leads back to Puckett! None ‘a this stuff started happenin’ until he showed up!”

Johnny grunts. “I dunno. Maybe it’s my fault. Weird stuff only started happenin’ when I picked on ‘im. Maybe it’s that carman-whatsit.”

Ollie lifts an eyebrow. “...ya mean karma?”

“Yeah!”

“I don’t think karma works like that.”

“Eh, yer prob’ly right.

He sits beside Johnny. “Is that all’s bugging you?” When Johnny avoids looking at him, he sighs. “Look, if this’s about Jeff-”

“You ‘n RJ coulda gotten hurt.”

“Johnny…”

“Don’t Johnny me!” He props himself up on an elbow. “You coulda an’ woulda gotten hurt! It’s what he was aimin’ for!”

“No we wouldn’t have.”

“Yeah you would!”

“No way.”

“Yes way!”

“No way.”

“Yes way!”

“No way.”

“Yes wa- mm!” Johnny is cut off by Ollie slapping his very large hand over Johnny’s mouth.

“No way. We were never in danger, cuz we had you protecting us.” Ollie quickly removes his hand before Johnny can lick it.

Johnny, slightly disappointed, puts his tongue back in his mouth. “But what if I didn’t?”

“Well you did. If Dmitri hadn’t jumped in, you woulda kept us safe. We trust you, Johnny.”

“We’ll follow you anywhere,” RJ says.

Johnny lays there in silence for a moment before grinning. This time, it seems like himself. “Ya know what? You guys’re totally right! I had that thing totally under CONTROL!”

Ollie huffs. “Yeah, totally did.”

“Yeah!”

“YEAH!” Stephen punches the sky with both fists. “So how ‘bout some video games?”

“Thought you’d never ask, boyo.” Johnny flips over onto his stomach and pops open a bag of cheese puffs.

And everything is as it should be once more.

Until Johnny opens his mouth to have another snack, burps, and out comes a jet of flame.

Then everyone freaks out.

-------------

Hope you enjoyed it, Max! Thanks again for the art, I fuckin love it