#maybe zak brown could learn a few things but maybe not

[piastrionpole]

if oscar's driving is dangerous and potentially risky for the team, just implement a rule where any damage to the cars they have to pay for

my good old pal niki lauda did it with his two drivers

[le16erc]

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✩ 𝐨𝐩𝟖𝟏 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐲. <𝟑

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞. ’𝐭𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 !

• 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 <𝟑

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤’𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐜: 𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢! <𝟑 ……………………………………………………………………………

the moment was perfect. he was more than absolutely sure that he was dead, residing in the divine above with an angel shaped like a girlfriend. jazz was playing as he held his lovers waist, humming along to the smooth sound as he rambled through his overbearing day.

“missed you. we both did.” she cooed, batting her lashes up at her boyfriend as he caressed her stomach.

“I know you did, I missed my girls, too.” he smiled as their puppy, miss grapes, nuzzled happily at his legs. watching his girl prepare dinner while their shared puppy played with her toy should have been more than enough to wipe his brain clean from anything else. still, his mind was running wild with the previous hours of his day.

“maybe if I burned my phone, zak would still find me.” he scoffed, sitting on the bar stool as he watched his pretty girlfriend bake. or cook. or whatever she was doing, he was never kitchen privy anyway. “maybe if you considered that you’re one of the only two McLaren drivers in the world, and that you’re painfully essential to the team, you’d understand why zak needs to reach you.” she teased, shoving a spoonful of frosting between his lips. he groaned appreciatively, taking the small silver spoon between his fingers and sucking happily.

“maybe i should stop waffling on and on. that could be a possible solution.” he groaned existentially, leaning back in the plush stool as he resigned all negative thoughts. he was home, and his heart was focused on his pretty wife girlfriend. he stood up, his long legs easily carrying him over to meet her.

“i think it’s cute when you waffle.” she smiled, welcoming his touch as he held her from behind. their hips swayed to the light jazz playing, the golden hour’s beams kissing them through the kitchen windows. “it proves that my boyfriend isn’t a broody, antisocial near-emo.” she grinned. “boyfriend is a funny word, no?” he said softly, moving her brown waves to the side so he could admire her back. whatever dessert she was making was momentarily forgotten as he lost himself in her softness. “it’s painfully temporary, is what it is.” he concluded.

“this pretty finger would look so much better with a ring.” he hummed softly, more to himself, nuzzling into her shoulder as she resumed her stirring. “you know, ‘m gonna make it happen real soon, babe.” he purred, hands trailing over her stomach as he inhaled her warm scent. it was a new favorite mix of tom ford and yves saint laurent, he learned a few days ago when she excitedly recounted her recent saks fifth avenue spree.

“don’t make promises you can’t keep.” she said softly, tilting her head back to grant his lips more access to lavish her skin with the upmost affection. her hands continued to work, stirring the mixture as promises of devotion and obsession spilled from the australian’s lips. “id miss you far too much if you dipped.” she said softly.

“ouch. i’ve never broken a promise that i have made to you, smarty. i can’t say the same for others, but for you, im honest.” he mumbled, leaving a soft bite on her jaw just to spite her. “you make it sound like you don’t wanna be mrs. piastri one day, which im sure isn’t true because ive got child bearing hips, and you of all people would never turn that down. you do want to marry me, dont you?” he asked gently, dropping the jokes as his lips stopped their way along her neck. he genuinely worried for a moment.

“honestly?” she sighed, looking back at him.

“honestly, sweet thing.” he held a breath, lifting his head to watch her face for any sign of truth.

“i honestly can’t ever see myself being mrs. piastri…” she said softly, looking to the ground.

“you can’t?” oscar’s voice broke slightly, the tears forming in his eyes threatening to realize the moment. if that’s how she really felt, he was NOT stronger than that and was willing to convince her to hear him out. he could cook, clean, learn how to make those damn towel swans. anything to keep her with him and happy.

“no. i don’t know, ive just always seen myself as more of a mrs. pastry. i hope you can understand. it’s not me, it’s you.” she said, feigning seriousness as she tried to hide the prettiest smile. he released a breath held from his innermost workings, coming down from a near heart attack.

“see what I did there? huh? pastry? piastri? you know, because im baking?” she smiled stupidly, playfully gesturing to the unfinished tiramisu sitting on the marble counter.

as he adored her cheesy smile, he knew he was done for in that moment. he knew he wanted to end his days with his soul wrapped around her heart, keeping it warm until its final beat. and even then, he’d love her in whatever came after the grave. he was ruined.

𝐟𝐢𝐧.

𝐚/𝐧: 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝!!!! 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐤! 😃

[neptunescore]

zak brown hater anon here, I gotchu 🫶. This isn’t very controversial (maybe) but I think no matter what we should have an age limit.

People turn to Max and say he was able to do but don’t understand it’s because he’s the only one we could ever turn to- and happens to be successful. No hate to Kimi, honestly, he could be amazing in F1 even if he’s not in F2, but it’s a risk. Max is the exemption because he’s the pinnacle everyone wants.

Max was a risk his first few years in f1 because f1 was his rookie season, and all the drivers took note and steered clear of him because if you were close to him there was a high chance you would crash- because he was still learning. (Nico 2016 nightmares 💔) Yes, he’s considered one of the best, even when he was young and now regarded by multiple wdc’s but they all knew he had to change his driving style because of how dangerous it was. We look at Logan and while he isn’t 17, he was bumped up to F1 way too soon. He crashes, a lot. Logan isn’t a bad driver per se, his f2 season was pretty good but if he were to stay another year in f2 I feel like it would’ve been a whole different story from today.

But the crashes is just one thing why I worry for kids in f1 (yes they’re 17 but hey, they’re still young) is that it’s a lot for mental health. FIA themselves had the age limit because of the backlash on the sport and so there wouldn’t be another Max verstappen. But lo and behold, they have a very talented and upcoming driver and they want to let him in- at 17- same reason why they wanted Max not to drive. I think it’s kinda hypocritical of FIA, but I understand that rules can change over time. But it’s the fact that their exception for younger than 18 yr old drivers is that they must be promising? promising? What a load of crap. Other well established drivers who could’ve debuted at 17 or maybe older but didn’t have enough points (because the points system is bs..) isn’t the same thing? Why weren’t they granted an exemption?

Though, I would like to point out I’m not saying I think max should’ve raced at 17 too. As much as I love his first few seasons and how development, he was not just a risk to other drivers but for himself. He’s a talented driver, but that could’ve gone wrong if he didn’t have the mentality that he had. Few were on his side and rumors were spreading that he would’ve been without a seat until he changed his style. Yes, he won a few gp’s and got podiums, all-in-all a skilled driver that deserved a seat but everyone focused on how aggressive his style is. He finally did change, after years of being in F1. This could never happen now in F1 because they would be kicked out before they could even try. People would react to like how they did with Logan or Nyck. Barely had a chance at F1 yet let’s kick them out and let other talent show. F1 is a tough sport, yes, but it’s also very hypocritical.

so yes, it would be tough for young drivers like Kimi. I don’t know much about his personality but the media is ruthless.

The same thing could happen to Kimi or any other young driver. Sometimes the real pressure isn’t the race itself but the media. A lot of drivers who weren’t even that young already felt this pressure. Albon is a great example. One reason why Red Bull wasn’t cut out for him is that all eyes were on him and always criticized him and it was so bad that he stopped social media for a while.

Kimi is a talented driver, but there is no rush in f1. New young talent is good for the sport but it should also not mean “let’s serve the plate raw” I guess this also shows how bs the super-license is but even then I believe the 18+ rule should stay. Though, the points system should be reworked… and the fact people can get exemption…

thank you for coming to my ted talk (I am a max fan guys not a hater 💔)

Oh my god, I was literally gonna make a post abt this (especially with the new allowance of 17 yr old that the fia has announced), and this is timed so perfectly. Anyway, u are literally never wrong ZB❌️ anon <3

Overall, you've covered literally every point I wanted to talk about, so I'm just gonna add a little bit on to the mental aspect to what uve said, but other than that, this summarises my thoughts PERFECTLY.

I feel like fans also forget how MUCH of a mental strain it puts on a driver to be promoted to f1 THAT young. when max got that torro rosso seat, it was like he was fresh meat and they were all starved predators, ESPECIALLY when they realised he was too young to properly control/ limit his answers to the media. There were SO MANY articles just absolutely CRUSHING him, like it's genuinely insane how bad it was. That kind of thing is not healthy for ANYONE, much less a CHILD. And atleast max was occasionally podiuming and doing really well, like look at logan (the poor boy) this man is getting absolutely VIOLATED by both the media and his team, and it's not even really his fault. It's the team's fault for bringing him up this quick and then leaving him to fend for himself the SECOND he's not doing as well as they wanted and needs emotional support.

The same goes for kimi, I get that he's a talented driver, but ppl need to chill. This boy still isn't properly used to f2 cars, uve made him COMPLETELY skip f3, and now ur talking abt promoting him to f1 next season??? He's sixth in the f2 standings rn, by the way. And I'm sorry, but giving him a seat in MERCEDES next year is both going to be so unfair to him (the media are gonna rip him from limb to limb if he makes even a little mistake) and to the other drivers who are much higher than him in the standings.

Anyway, I love u ZB❌️ anon, and thank u for letting me rant abt this😭 (I was gonna respond to this much quicker, but since I couldn't sleep last night, I thought 'oh might as well go to the park and just chill for a bit, reconnect with nature and all that shit' and then I ended up falling off one of those small hills so bad that I got a hairline fracture😭. So... never doing that again!)

Edit: LMFAOOO I SAW THIS RIGHT AFTER PSTING AND I JUST HAD TO PUT IT IN

Source

(I love Nora, she's so real)

[double-yellows]

Good morning y’all. I was trying to find an F1-themed gift for my MV33-loving cousin to make up for the fact that I bought him a Ferrari hat to grind his gears (I eventually decided his preferred driver winning the championship was gift enough, and also some nice chocolate), and came across some truly unhinged things along the way. Enough that I was inspired to make this, in case you need to find any last-minute gifts for your mutuals and/or haters:

First, a Candle with a Grim Warning…

I bet George is a man who smells great, as long as he didn’t just get out of an F1 car. Maybe even then! It might be all the money, but who knows, maybe he was born with it. The nice thing about this candle is that YOU can choose whatever you think George Russell smells like. Cashmere and Vanilla? Oatmilk and Honey? Sea Salt and Orchid? I might go Cocoa Butter and Cashmere, since I bet his girlfriend forces him to moisturize regularly. If you think George Russell smells like an old sweater or your Republican ex-boyfriend or something, you can also choose from Kmag, Pierre, Este, Valtteri, and a few other drivers (no Lewis, which is, tbh, anti-Lo-core).

For the One Who’s Always Cold

Frankly, who didn’t look at Lewis Hamilton wrapped up in a cozy tire blanket at Imola in 2021 and think “ugh, I wish that were me”? Now, that can be you or your chilly pal, sort of. If you’d prefer a longer-lasting tire blanket, there’s also a mediums version.

For the One Who Desperately Wants to Snack on a Pirelli

Yea, they’re made of fondant, but honestly? That probably captures the texture of a soft tire pretty well. You could also bake them some more edible tire-shaped cookies in case they take one bite of fondant and throw the entire tire allocation for the weekend in the garbage (lowkey I’m about to buy those for myself).

For the One Who’s Got a Twink Menagerie

They’ve got a lot of those little bastards to wrangle, so when it’s time to go to the supermarket for snacks and energy drinks, they need something to keep their charges from wandering out into the parking lot or getting stuck in the ice cream freezer. Zak Brown approved!

For the One Who Collects Diecast Models

Sure, the scale model cars look nice on the shelf, but YAWN, boring! Encourage them to recreate their favorite overtakes while making vroom vroom noises. Make sure you bring them a choccy milk after.

For the Sebfucker Who Has Everything

Sure, they may have a cool bee shirt, ugly-cute AMF1 bobble beanie, and a soulcrushing longing to see Seb race at Hockenheim one more time, but do they have 2013 Seb bowing down to the car on a pair of kicks, in his favorite color? No, they do not. Kinda like the man himself, these are equal parts cringe and sexy.

For the One Who’s Not Like Other Girls (Because She’s a Car)

“Muscle car woman drag racing” the listing says - What else do you need to know? Throw her car-sona on it and call it a day.

For the One Who Spent So Much Time Karting that They Almost Forgot to Learn How to Read

Because they have their priorities straight, and a strong command of English’s (often befuddling) grammar is definitely below getting that personal best lap time down a couple more hundredths of a second.

Finally, For Your Favorite Driver

They’re your babygirl, even the ones that are middle aged men (ESPECIALLY those ones). Make them announce it to the world proudly and bejeweledly.

[wilhellmine]

Sam and Colby - The Stanley Hotel - A Fangirl Review

Just my reactions to whatever happened in the vid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOO04RwLa9M

1:55 Sam and Colby buying plane tickets for Corey, because they know he wouldnt go if he should buy them himself :D 2:45 Jake just casually curled under the blanket XD 2:55 Corey leaving then remembering the guys picked him up so he isnt able to get home and returning with that "oh shit" look on his face is priceless XD 5:49 Ghost Adventures are mentioned and it made me screech up loud XD 9:05 Corey leaving, because he doesnt want a psychic to tell him whats about to happen, being like "I know we are haunted! I dont want more proof! Lets ignore it!" XD its a whole mood 12:30 - The psychic. Yeah, I believe people have these talents and I... well, I feel some sort of "things" too. Tarot car readings, automatic wrting, spells, yep, thats me. I also learned that if youre good at psychology, 70% things about a client can be actually told because of the things they told you, they way they react on your questions and things like that. So, although I wasnt with them in the room, I would say the same colours maybe, I feel Jake being more purple/silveri-ish around his shoulders, so I think he is/could be very good at being a psychic himself. Coreys brown... I feel hes surrounded by pink in his chest and stomach area, what I would say m eans that hes a very shy, caring, but also very insecure person, but also brown is the aura of someone, whos connected with earth and could work very well with animals. 18:00 Corey dissing his friends being another whole ass mood, I love him 19:15 - "Bro my palms are sweaty, kneas weak, arms are heavy... might start rappin an Eminem song..." GOLDEN 20:45 Coreys story about playing with qouija board and summoning Zozo. I nearly pissed myself, I was just like "uuuugh..." at that moment he said that name, like.... yeah, Im kinda concerned about GAC and their... connection with Zozo, but like... its them, they can handle it, Zak being a haunted objects collector who probably read the real Necronomicon a long time ago and Jay being their "desperate house witch", theyre fine. But oh well, I got pretty scared for Corey 22:05 - Corey telling the guys like "Ok, Im coming, but Im sure there is a new movie out tommorow..." being a total ME trying to cancel my plans and Sam "You wanted watch that?" and Corey agreeing and Colby just "ItS caLLeD thE ShiNnING paRT TWo." 22:19 - Jake just sleeping on the couch, like he always does, with that "Nah, Im fine, just chilling, youre doing great" vibe XD 22:31 - Psychic starting to fangirling over the boys and caressing Colbys arm, but like... who can blame her, I was just like "Yeah, psychic, I fking feel you. Me too, DAMN, me too..." 23:05 Colby wanted to shake hands, but the fangirl in the psychic acted just like I would and was like "Fck that, man, give me a hug" and I was like

23:11 Yeah, lets hug every one of the boyz, Im totally in it, I want to do it too 23:55 Oh, yeah, the slash fangirl rising, a little bit of guys holding their hands in a circle and breathing deeply never hurt anyone, I like that, thank you, psychic 24:55 I definitely want to see Colby in a green shirt, Im gonna print that shit out, hang it over my bed and worship that for the rest of my life. 25:08 Jake just... what TF did he do to Colby? Smack his ass? XD I loved that shit, repeated it a few times, enjoyed every second 25:30 ¨Colby "Im tired and I want to die" is me 100% of the time XD why is this not a meme? Im gonna make it myself, goddamit

26:20 I needed to pause the vid because I heard a loud thud in my kitchen. Although Im pretty used to moments like this one, Im fricking scared tonight :D 28:00 thank you again, psychic, because I was able to witness the boys, holding hands, dancing in a circle singing " ring around the rosies" and then theres Sam like "We all fall down....oh, I actually did" lying there somewhere on the steps next to the camera 28:20 but yeah, I immediately thought the same things as Corey "maybe they shouldnt do fun of it" 33:00 just a few words - Jake falling down the stairs, antilopes, mirror selfie, love you Shane Dawson 37:05 Got caught in the mirror vortex thing, so yeah, I have nothing :S 37:14 Colby "look at all these butterflies man, Im turning gay... which means good luck and prosperity"... did he really say that or am I just hallucinating? XD 38:10 boys joking about "exploring each other, their sexuality and smoking" literally made my day better, my skin clear and my anxiety gone... wait, no, the anxiety is still here, I cant get rid ot it XD 39:50 Jake being his clumsy self and hitting his head here XD Also getting Aaron Goodwin vibes from that XD 45:00 Corey getting those weird calls again, scary as hell... of course Sam dances around with joy while Coreys eyes are probably watering -.- Like... probably a demon is calling Corey and Sam is like "Oh, great" and his eyes are glistening 52:12 intense ghost activity, but yeah, at this moment, Colby climbes on the bed to Jake only in his underwear, youre welcome 53:18 "So Sam finally came out of the closet" XD 55:50 Colby asking the ghost if he closed the door while they were sleeping, ghost being like "it is real" and then Colby just running away like "fck this shit im out" 56:44 Colby getting freaked out during the spirit box session, that he just falls to the ground with Corey whos trying to catch him XD 59:00 Jake playing on the Aaron Goodwin note again and breaking the fcking spirits box by dropping it XD 01:00:00 Jennifer coming to the scene... and yeah, I agree with the guys that shes a little creepy... wonder what they would think if they ever would meet me XD 01:02:30 Jake being like "ugh, maybe it wasnt Colby who touched my wiener" and Sam just goes "yeah, were not going to talk about it" ... me, being the fangirl, taking out a note pad "oh honey, tell me everything NOW" 01:13:30 Scary fangirl leaving the scene, guys, the photos Corey captured, thats insane. Got too caught in the whole part, so I have nothing else to say XD 01:18:50 just a closeup of coreys ass, found it interesting, so Im sharing it XD 01:21:55 Im sorry, but Colby talking about using sage pleased my inner witch so much, 100% perfect, I love that, yeah yeah yeah, excellent, like... Colby holding a sage smudge stick is for some reason hot as hell 01:25:30 The start of the seance and... I wonder why they are OUTSIDE the fricking salt circle?? O.o Luckily I watched enough Supernatural and similar shit to know that Im supposed to be inside the circle to be protected XD 01:26:00 The blanket moved, according to Colby, and I rewinded the footage about 10 times, didnt see shit. Am I just blind or what? O.o Did somebody actually see it move?... Well, the blanket maybe didnt move, but at least we got a pretty shot of Colbys ass XD 01:27:15 Corey really doesnt want to do the seance and Sams like "You can be outside this circle and just not asking questions" to convince Corey to stay in the room and Im just watching it, being like "you ALL are outside the circle, no matter where  you are in the room, because you are OUTSIDE the salt circle, Sam, honey, I think you got some wrong info..." 01:29:16 Sam forgot to open the doors for the ghosts to try to close them and he asks Corey if he can open the doors and Corey just goes "NO!" ... and thats fking me XD but then he collects himself and goes to open them, what a brave guy 01:32:00 I will never stop to be amazed by Jakes calmness, like... there could be ghosts throwing stuff, spinning his head like an owl and shit and he would be like "yo, bros, calm TF down, its not that bad... I might actually take a little nap, if you dont mind..." 01:33:00 No matter how much Corey refuses, Sam always drags him to do the seance, like.... they promised him that he just can sit there and watch them and now Sams like "you ask a question, Corey, yeah?" O.o and the boy actually does it, oh my... 01:34:00 ...and Corey actually gets an "answer", something is making sounds in the closet and Corey just runs away, Sam being after him, telling him to chill, but also being like "WTF was that?", Colby has this panic look on his face and Corey just says "We should get another hotel" and I agree so much XD 01:37:20 Colby "I dont want to freak us out, BUT what if were not going to haunted places, what if haunted things are following us?" .... yeah, Colby, thanks for not freaking everyone out XD 01:38:15 The look on Coreys face as he hears that they cant run out of the hotel as they hear something, because they would get kicked out, which means he needs to stay in that haunted room till morning XD obviously regretting his life decisions XD 01:41:45 Everyone talking about those scary dreams they had and what did Jake say? Like "I dreamed about driving a hot wheels car" or what? XD 01:44:00 Sam reeeeeally doesnt want to go to meet the crazy creepy fangirl Jennifer, its clear as day XD and I wonder why? Is it because she exchanged numbers with Colby? A little jealousy there? A little Solby material to screech over? 01:45:23 The way Sam looks at Jennifer like "so, you bitch survived, but dont you even dare to EVER touch my man, Im gonna be worse than any demon you can imagine" XD 01:47:20 Everyone saying their goodbyes and leaving and creepy Jennifer goes "Oh, if you ever want to poop your pants, just visit this scary forest, probably haunted by some ancient demons that are gonna kill you, its nice there" XD and the guys are like "No way in hell...." and then theres the new episode and of course its taking place in the haunted forest Jennifer told them about XD

[pattie-remembers]

What was it like hanging out at Kenwood with John and Cynthia and Julian?

Pattie was hanging out with Cynthia and Maureen at Kenwood. The boys were working late and the girls were lonely. Cynthia had made drinks and a cheese plate. The two drinks Pattie had already drunk, had loosened her tongue. She blurted out the question she’d had on her mind for months. “Do you think George cheats on me?”

Though she was the youngest, Maureen had a better understanding of the reality of the Beatles’ life. “Oh, Pattie. Don’t you know they all cheat?” Maureen stabbed a piece of cheese with a toothpick. “They can’t help it.”

“But how can you stand it?” Pattie asked. She was incredulous that after thinking it was only George that Maureen was saying this.

“I love Ritchie. It’s just that simple.” Maureen drank some rum and coke. “I guess I’d rather have him cheat on me, than not have him at all.”

Pattie noticed Cynthia wasn’t saying anything. She wished she hadn’t brought it up but she had no one else to talk to about these things. “Ringo seems to love you so much,” said Pattie. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Well, I have learned a few tricks. I think since Zac, Ritchie wants to be a family man. You know those roast dinners I’m so famous for? I don’t wait up to feed him dinner, I wait up to fuck him.”

“Mo!” Cynthia sounded truly shocked. Sometimes Pattie forgot Cyn was from Liverpool she was terribly proper, while Maureen was what Pattie’s grandmother would call the salt of the earth.

Maureen took a drag off of her cigarette. “Well, it’s true, Cyn. The more I make sure Ritch is loved up, the less I worry about other women.”

“Every night?” Pattie wanted to know.

“Yes, every night. Maybe he’s too tired but he knows I’m willing.” Maureen leaned back in her chair. “What do you think, Cyn? “

Cynthia lit a cigarette, but Pattie noticed she didn’t really inhale. “I think there’s nothing I can do. John isn’t Ritchie. I’m not you. I thought love would be enough, but it can’t compete with the Beatles. Julian and I are nothing but a bother to John.” Pattie felt sick. She was sorry she had started the conversation.

“Well, Cyn do you try?” Maureen wanted to know. “John has always loved you and always wanted more of you.”

“I’m too tame for John. He wants more than I can give him.”

Pattie felt more confused than ever. Cynthia was beautiful and so nice. How could John be so cruel to her? Pattie wasn’t surprised Maureen could keep Ringo interested. She was always up for something new.

“I’m going to check on the kids,” Cyn told them and she got up and went upstairs.

“You know Pattie, Ritchie says George is mad about you. He says George mopes around the hotel rooms,” Mo fixed another drink.

“Oh, Maureen. I love him so much. If I knew for sure he was cheating on me, I think I’d die.” Pattie put her cigarette out and picked up her drink. “I worry I’m not exciting enough.”

“Do you give him blow jobs?” Mo blew the smoke towards the ceiling before fixing her brown eyes on Pattie.

“Maureen! God. Well, yes. Sometimes.” Pattie felt like a school girl. Maureen probably thought she was a fool.

“Sometimes isn’t good enough. Every night, I don’t care how tired you are you offer yourself to him. If you can’t blow him, let him go down on you. Don’t wear pants, ever, when it’s just the two of you. “ Maureen speared another square of cheese. “George loves sex, but I know he loves you. It’s not too late.”

“How do you know this?” Pattie was shocked but grateful for the information.

“Oh the boys tell each other everything! You know that. Ritchie tells me.” Mo seemed pleased with herself.

“Does Ringo really have a huge cock? George told me he did.” Pattie giggled.

“Ritchie says he’s not much bigger than George.” The two women couldn’t stop laughing. Pattie was ridiculously pleased. When they heard Cynthia on the stairs they stopped laughing.

“Cyn, can I make you a fresh drink,” asked Pattie who didn’t wait for an answer and just started putting ice in Cynthias empty glass.

“Zak ok?” asked Mo.

“Both boys are sound asleep.” Cynthia replied. “So, Pattie, what do you think? You think things will last with you and George? I’ve known George forever. He’s not like John.”

Just then the front door opened and John, George and Ringo fell into the living room. Pattie noticed that Maureen got Ringo a drink and settle next to him on the sofa, her hand on his thigh. John made his own drink and without a word went upstairs. Pattie looked at George.

“Pattie and I are going to split,” George told everyone. “See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks Cynthia. I had a lovely evening.” She realized she sounded like a prat and though Ringo was too nice, Maureen just laughed. “I’ll call you tomorrow, love.” And wiggled two fingers goodbye before turning her attention back to Ringo, lighting him a cigarette.

George put his arm around Pattie as they walked down the drive to his car.

“How did you like hanging out with Mo and Cyn?” he asked .

“I learned a lot!” Laughed Pattie.

“ Like what.” George wanted to know.

“I know that Ringo’s dick is bigger than yours but not by much!” Pattie giggled at George’s expression.

“I’m afraid to ask what more.”

“Maureen says I should give you a blow job every day and that I shouldn’t wear knickers.” Pattie felt George’s hand creep up her skirt.

“I’ve always thought Maureen was smart!” His fingers found the edge of Pattie pants. His fingers stroked gently and soon they were damp. He wondered if he could wait the twenty minutes it would take to get home, but he felt Pattie unbucke his belt and when she unzipped his pants his cock was standing straight up.

“Will you take Mo’s advice?” His voice quivered as Pattie wrapped her hand around him and started stroking. Pattie never answered he felt the warmth of her mouth on his cock and he marveled not for the first time, that he was speeding through the Surrey night with the most beautiful girl in the world sucking him off. Life really couldn’t be much better.

[ladyofpurple]

answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™�� last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

[biamondpickaxe]

All Hail The Outlaws

Genre: More angst than I intended

Words: 1.8k

Summary: Dan doesn’t understand why some people are so damn homophobic

A/N All of this has basically happened to me so at this point I’m just turning my traumatic coming out experience into a phanfic I’m so sorry.

Contains: Sexuality crisis, swearing, discussions of sex, homophobia, homophobic slurs, anti-vaccination beliefs

Dan didn’t realize what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth.

“I don’t see what the big deal about being gay is.”

His friend, Zakary, paused the game of Halo and looked at Dan with an expression he couldn’t quite read.

“You got something you need to tell me, Howell?” Zakary joked, snickering.

“I’m just saying. Think about it, Zak. Technically, what’s the big difference between fucking a dude and fucking a girl?” Dan made sure to keep his voice down, knowing that Zak’s mom was making dinner downstairs.

“Dudes are fucking gross, man. Girls are hot,” Zak said simply.

“Okay, yeah, but it would feel the same, right? Fucking them, I mean,” Dan continued.

“I’m pretty sure sticking it up a dude’s ass would be different than a girl’s pussy,” Zakary snorted.

“Okay, well then what about blowjobs? Same thing, right?” Dan asked. He didn’t exactly know why he kept pushing the subject, but he figured he should learn to be able to prove his point if his parents wanted him to be a lawyer.

“Do you just let anyone suck you off, Howell? Even if they’re not attractive? Guess that makes sense, though, all fags are sluts. That’s why they all have AIDS,” Zakary said before unpausing the video game and carrying on as if nothing had happened.

“I’m not... I’m not gay,” was all Dan said. He quickly got back into the game as well, not wanting Zak to know how badly his words actually hurt.

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the tears that were pressing hard against his eyelids. It was fine.

That night Dan couldn’t sleep. He thought that everyone was attracted to both sexes. Maybe not romantically, but sexually, at least. It just made sense to Dan. It would feel good either way, what was the big fuss about?

Apparently, not everyone felt the way Dan did.

He sighed, turning himself onto his side and curling up into a ball. What did this mean for him?

He wasn’t gay. He knew that much. He couldn’t be gay because he liked girls. But the thought of being with a guy, kissing a guy, holding hands with a guy was just as appealing as doing all of those things with a girl.

After two weeks of fighting with himself and a lot of research, Dan decided that the term bisexual fit him the best.

Now it was just time to tell his parents.

When his parents both got home from work, he approached them in their bedroom where they were watching TV.

“Hey, guys. I need to talk to you,” Dan said, starting out simply. This was good. A good place to start.

His mom turned off the TV, a silent go-ahead for Dan to start talking.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about relationships and things. Love and stuff...” the 16-year-old paused and looked up at his parents with scared, wide brown eyes. They mostly looked confused, so he figured he should get to the point.

Dan swallowed and sighed before speaking again. “Dating a girl... and kissing a girl... that sounds good to me. It feels right. Appealing, I guess.”

Dan chewed on the inside of his cheek before continuing. “But, the thing is... I can also see myself doing all that with a boy. It feels equally as right and appealing. So, I’m not gay, ‘cause I still like girls, but I’m bisexual.”

When Dan said the words, he expected to feel a great weight lifted from him. But he didn’t. He could just feel his heart beating in his chest and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he scanned his parent’s faces.

The anticipation was eating at his insides, rotting them away with acid and Dan wondered if he was going to throw up or pass out or die when his mom finally spoke up.

“Alright. Why don’t you, uh, go to your room and let your father and I talk about this?”

Dan just nodded - he didn’t know what else he could do - and scurried out of the room and into his own. He sighed and flopped down on his bed, the butterflies in his stomach not ceasing their fluttering.

That was easy. Too easy. He could almost feel a static in the air, like the calm before the storm. It made the hair on his arms stand up and he had the urge to flee but he knew he had nowhere to go.

So, he stayed on his bed with his eyes closed as he tried to steady his breathing.

Ten minutes later, Dan’s eyes shot open when he heard yelling coming from his parent’s room.

“No! This is a phase and you know it!” Dan’s dad screamed.

Dan rolled his eyes. This was the kind of thing he read about online when he had researched other people’s coming out stories, but he never actually expected to hear the words from his dad.

Dan sighed. He thought his parents would be okay with this, but he was wrong.

“He’s doing it for attention, why can’t you see that!?” Again, his father’s voice sounded throughout the house. At that moment, Dan was glad his brother was at a friend’s house so he didn’t have to hear all the yelling.

The pit in Dan’s stomach grew as the arguing continued. He was numb. He could hear each and every word that was being screamed and he just let it wash over him, but he knew it would sink in sooner or later.

Dan only let himself go when he heard his parent’s bedroom door slam, and then the front door being slammed. He curled in on himself and cried himself to sleep.

Over the next two years, Dan kept exploring his sexuality. He identified as gay, straight, definitely-not-straight-but-I-don’t-need-a-label before finally landing back on bisexual. It was still the only one that felt truly right to him.

Even though the first time Dan came out was less than perfect, the moment Dan felt like trying out a new label he went to his parents and told them. He always had a close relationship with his parents, and he could talk to them about anything.

Dan didn’t want the topic of his sexual orientation to be taboo just because their initial reaction wasn’t great. Dan wanted to normalize the discussion of LGBT topics because, in reality, it wasn’t anything abnormal.

So, Dan found out that each time he came out to his parents it was easier and they reacted better each time.

It took two years, but eventually, his parents and brother were excited to go to pride with him. Of course, they were still learning and growing, but they were always improving.

Dan was grateful for this. He voiced that one night while on Skype with his new best friend (slash kind-of-boyfriend), Phil.

“I’m grateful for them being willing to change,” Dan said.

“That’s good!” Phil said, smiling at Dan through the shitty webcam.

“It’s just... well, nevermind,” Dan decided. He averted his eyes from the screen of his laptop.

“What is it? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here for you, no matter what. You know that. I’m not here to judge,” Phil replied soothingly.

Dan exhaled through his nose. He was grateful for Phil, too. They had only been friends for a few months but it felt like they had known each other for a lifetime.

“Well, as great as my parents are sometimes, with my mom it’s like... I never really know what she thinks of my sexuality. It’s just... it can feel like her acceptance is just a facade,” Dan confessed.

“Why do you say that?” Phil asked.

“About a year after I came out - for the first time - things were going well. Until one day she told me that she thought that people were only gay because the government created vaccines to make them that way. To control the population or something,” Dan explained.

Phil gasped. “Oh my god, Dan.”

“I mean, I’ve always known she was anti-vaccine. I don’t agree with her but those are her beliefs. I just never knew that she thought vaccines had anything to do with LGBT,” Dan said.

“That’s... terrible,” Phil said. It was clear he was still processing everything Dan had just said.

Dan had never told anyone this before, so as soon as he let it out, he couldn’t stop. It was like a portal had been opened and all of these emotions he’d been burying for years with no one to talk to were finally coming out.

“It doesn’t even make sense. Like, I’ve never even been vaccinated up until this year. She wouldn’t let me until I was 18. And even then, there are ways to have biological children so the concept in and of itself is completely illogical,” Dan ranted.

“I know. What she said... it’s not true. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, Dan,” Phil said.

“‘S fine. But, like, what do you even say to that? Oh, son, I think that a large part of who you are was fabricated in a lab and then injected into you. So I just said ‘oh’ and then went to my room,” Dan paused to take a deep breath. “She says that she doesn’t still think that, but... I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anything she says again. For an entire year, she let me believe that she was all accepting when really she was thinking this the whole time. She still reads all these anti-vaccine books and... I guess it just hurts.”

“I’m sure it does, baby. Nobody should have to go through all that. Especially someone as amazing and kind and cute as you are,” Phil tried his best to be comforting, but there was really nothing he could do that would heal these deep scars except for simply being there for Dan. He knew it was all he could do, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

“And then, a few weeks ago, she basically implied that gay men deserve to be called faggots. Like, what the fuck? Who says that? Who buys their son rainbow flags and goes with him to pride and then says that? Of all things, why did it have to be that?” Dan felt his throat closing up as he talked. He forced the tears away, though, determined not to cry in front of Phil. He was good at that - not crying.

“Bear, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Phil said, deeply saddened.

“It’s okay,” Dan sniffed, “just a few more weeks ‘til I get to come visit you, right?”

“That’s right, angel. Just a few more weeks.”

I don’t want to get into an argument with anyone about vaccines. This is just me basically venting about something that happened to me.

Idk if pride and vaccines and all that work the same way in the UK as the US but it’s a fic so just go with it please.

I take prompts/requests! <3

Title from X Ambassadors - Masterlist & AO3

[marisheeran-imagines]

Lego House: Epilogue - #EdSheeranForAFortnight

A/N: Hey, Sheerios!! Missing me? Our cute Ed? I couldn't end this story without an Epilogue, could I? I wish I had posted yesterday, but I was at my granny's (for my cousin's prom I mentioned a few days ago) and I hadn't taken my laptop there, so I ended up taking too long to write with my cell phone (I was and still am weary, cause me and mom had some problems with the bus that should bring us home, but everything is okay now!). Better late than never, right? This is a really SPECIAL and CUTE (as I always try, haha) chapter... I hope you enjoy it Thank you for supporting this story, it's so amazing to get your feedback! I love you all! And I have news coming soon!! (maybe in the following posts!)

PS: Thank you so much for the 94 followers!! Could we reach 100 until the end of the month? It'd be so special to me! Love you!

Title: Lego House Chapter Title: Epilogue Pairing: Ed Sheeran x Reader Point of View: Ed's Rating: +18 Word Counter: +2100 Warnings: teenage Ed (16), teenage reader (15), fluffy, careful Ed, sweet Ed, encouraging Ed, rough father

Summary: Ed was caught skipping classes and now he'll have to spend some time in detention... With the principal's daughter, while he's out of the town. What could happen between two teenagers with a "free time" for themselves, practically alone in the school?

var Mariana = prompt("What's your name?","Example: Ana, Taylor, Emma...")

var Mari = prompt("Do you have a nickname? Please, what is it?","Example: Tay, Bella...")

var Lima = prompt("What's your father's last name?","Example: Sheeran, Winchester, Jones...")

var light = prompt("What's your favourite kind of makeup?","Example: light, dark, neutral...")

var medium = prompt("Could you choose a dress length to a special occasion?","Example: long, short, medium - knee length...")

var blue = prompt("And a colour to this dress?","Example: red, black, green...")

var brown = prompt("What's your hair colour?","Example: black, red, light blonde...")

var Lego = prompt("Could you please remind me the name of your favourite song - the same of the Castle chapter?","Example: your favourite song!!...")

var red = prompt("What's your favourite colour of lipstick/gloss?","Example: pink, nude, red...")

Ed's POV - October 2007

"You're gonna be my date at the winter prom, won't you, baby?" I ask, putting my arms around document.write(Mari)'s waist, watching her bite her lower lip, seeming a bit uncertain.

"The prom? I don't know if I should go" my baby answers, smiling sheepishly at me.

"Why not, love?" I caress her body and I grin when document.write(Mari) shivers. "I can't dance... Nor socialise well. This is what people do during proms, isn't it?".

"Well, love, if what you and I did six months ago at the Castle wasn't dancing, then I don't know what to call that!" I joke and she giggles, patting my shoulder.

"We were just swaying around and... Well, okay, that was dancing!" document.write(Mari) pouts her lips and I can't help pecking them.

"Don't worry about that, love, I can't dance either. And you're doing so well with my friends!" I caress her face and she sighs.

"Okay, I'll go to the prom!".

"With me right?" she's my girl, and she wouldn't go there with any other guy, right?

"Well, let me think..." she raises her brow playfully "Of course!" document.write(Mari) grins, looking at me with such passion, admiration - I still haven't learned what I did to deserve all of this! - and something I can't define... Would it be love?

I take her lips on mine, kissing her slowly. document.write(Mari) smiles against my lips as she puts her hands around my neck, bringing me even closer.

She slides her tongue into my mouth, taking her time to feel my taste. I grasp her body tighter and she lets out a whimper.

"Hey! Keep the door opened! I've told you already!" Mr. document.write(Lima) opens document.write(Mari)'s room door and we break the kiss immediately, a bit in shock. He didn't need to do it so abruptly, did he?!

Their relationships is getting better and stronger. I know there is still a long way until they can establish trust and affection to each other, but they're doing it right!

The only problem is Mr. document.write(Lima) enjoys picking on us a little too much. He's always around and ordering things like the one he's just said.

Okay, document.write(Mari) is his daughter and he must take care of her, but we, as a couple, need privacy! And I swear this is not only because I want anything else from her... Well, I do want, but I'm not in a rush to get it!

"Dad!" my girl exclaims, flushed "We were just...!".

"I don't wanna know!" he shakes his head "I was a teenager once too, document.write(Mariana), I know what closed doors mean! I just don't want to be a grandfather soon! I barely know how to take care of you! Imagine a little baby taken after this guy!" he points at me, and... What the heck did he mean with that?

"Jesus!" document.write(Mari) looks away, her cheeks redder "We're not... Dad, I'm...".

"Look, I know this is what naturally happens between a young couple like you. I just want to know you're taking precautions!" well, Mr. document.write(Lima) is really afraid of becoming a grandad...

"Don't worry, sir!" I say "Your daughter is as pure as she was when I met her, which means she's as pure as when she was born. Of course if we don't consider the kisses we give each other, but that's not too much..." I start jabbering, nervous he was thinking so wrongly about me and document.write(Mari) "I've never touched her, sir".

How could have I? He's picking on us most of the time! And of course, the main point is that document.write(Mari) isn't comfortable to let me do this yet, so I'm waiting for her permission.

He looks at me suspiciously, sighing afterwards "I'm giving you both a leap of faith. document.write(Mariana), look for your aunt if you need to talk about this, or any other girl subject!".

"Don't worry, dad. This is what I've been doing for the past couple of years!" my baby says and he nods "Okay. I'll leave you alone now...".

"Hey, dad!" document.write(Mari) calls his attention "I need a new dress. Could you... Could you, please, lent me some money so that I can buy one? I'll find a way to pay you back!".

"A new dress? For what exactly?" Mr. document.write(Lima) asks, surprised.

"Well, I'm going to the winter prom, this year!" she answers.

"Oh, really? With this guy?" he point at me and makes a grimace when document.write(Mari) nods. I roll my eyes, what's wrong with him today? "Okay, then. You..." he reaches his wallet in his pocket "Is it £250.00 enough?".

"A little less, please. I can't afford you that amount of money back...".

"No needs to pay me back, girl! You're my daughter! It's my job to buy you expensive things that will make you look pretty in such a special date. Not that you're not pretty now..." Mr. document.write(Lima) gives her a small smile and document.write(Mari)'s eyes widen; she told me, once, that smiles and compliments coming from her father are rare.

"Thank you, dad!" my girl smiles timidly and my principal gives her the money. "You're welcome. Now, I have subjects from school I need to check, alright? Behave! And keep the door opened!" he looks serious, from document.write(Mari) to me before turning his back to walk downstairs.

...

December 2007

"You look so gorgeous!" I say, my eyes inevitably roaming over her body, from her beautiful face traits, emphasized by a document.write(light) make up, to her document.write(medium), document.write(blue) dress, seeming to have been perfectly sculpted to fit her shape.

She's got her document.write(brown) hair done in a bun and there are defined locks on her hair tips. "Perfect!" I grin, amazed and mesmerized by her.

"Thank you!" document.write(Mari) blushes adorably, taking my hand "You look handsome too!" she softly brushes her lips on my cheek.

"Photo time!" Matt giggles and a flash coming from a camera almost blinds me as he takes the picture.

"Jesus, Matthew!" I rub my eyes and he rolls his. "You were looking so cute!" he jokes, speaking in a girly voice tone, and I shake my head.

"Ready, boys?" father asks and I nod "Oh, dear, you look beautiful!" he says, kissing the back of document.write(Mari)'s hands. "Thank you, sir!" she smiles widely.

I'm so glad dad likes my baby! He treats her so sweetly, like if she really was a princess, the daughter he's never had and document.write(Mari)'s got surprised at first. She's never had a paternal figure before and this connection with my father is being really important to her.

"She's the prettiest girl in the world, isn't she, dad?" I ask, putting an arm around document.write(Mari)'s waist, watching her getting more flushed.

"Well, son, I'd really like to agree with you, but the prettiest girl in the world, to me, is over there!" he gestures to mom, who walks to him, pecking on his lips "Thank you, John!" they smile at each other and document.write(Mari) sighs beside me.

Her eyes get a bit wet and there's a beautiful glow on them, full of love and admiration for my parent's relationship. She had never been able to live that with her parents, and even I she had, my baby was too young to remember.

"Let's go, before we're too late!" Matt says and document.write(Mari) and I follow him to the car after we said goodbye to my parents.

He drives to his newest casual date's house and we all go to the prom.

At the main garden of the school buildings, the place where the prom is set up, the sky is dark blue and clean, a beautiful full moon and the stars making us the perfect company.

We greet our friends as we see them, and I have to endure Zak and Dan mocking me for my suit. They've never seen me wearing one.

Luckily I have my girl to defend me. She says I look good as ever and it makes me happy to know she's got me just like I've got her!

A bit later, I take document.write(Mari)'s hand "Dance with me, love?" I ask and she nods, smiling beautifully and I peck her document.write(red) lips. The wooden dance floor, made specially to when proms happen outside due to good weather is already full of people, so we decide to dance on the grass.

...

"I can't believe this!" document.write(Mari) exclaims when document.write(Lego) starts playing and I giggle, bringing her body closer to mine.

"I think this should be our song!" I say and she nods, grinning at me. "It really should!" my baby agrees. We start moving at the rhythm of the song, and my hands move a bit down, I'm not sure if intentionally or not, but when I realise, they're rested on her hips, rather close to her good-looking bum.

document.write(Mari) looks at me, flushed and surprised and I frown when she stumbles, supporting herself in my arms. Was it because of my touch? Was it too soon and inappropriate, out of time?

"I think I can't dance in these heels anymore!" document.write(Mari) pouts her lips, her cheeks burning as she gets embarrassed "They're hurting my feet!". I sigh, relieved that my touch didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

"Take them off!" I say, but she shakes her head "Teddy, this is a prom! If I take off my shoes then I'll look even more dislocated!" document.write(Mari) whispers, looking down at our feet.

"Fuck them all, baby! This is our night!" I step back, taking my shoes off "Just like our first dance!" I suggest and she grins, her eyes glowing at me. "You're unbelievable!" document.write(Mari) pecks my lips before she takes her heels off.

She puts both her arms around my neck and I press her body against mine, her feminine curves being sensed by my palms, from the upper back to her waist and I feel my baby shivering, which makes me grin and her blush deeper. We start moving again, our bodies close, and our gazes locked on one other. The moon, the stars are the better witnesses of this little perfect moment of ours.

"Thank you, baby!" I whisper, watching her eyes glowing and a beautiful smile playing at the corner of her lips, my baby is more than everything I've always asked, than I've ever deserve, she's an angel, she's good, kind and pure! Every little part of her, every feature and trait!

I sigh, leaning into her and taking her lips on mine, kissing her slow, thanking God for having her heart, for her having agreed to be mine this way. I don't know what the future holds to me, to her, if I'm gonna be a known singer or if she's gonna have a better relationship with her father.

I don't know what document.write(Mari) saw in me, how she could have fallen in love with me, this strange ginger boy, but she's here, loving and supportive, and all that I know is, as long as I have her beside me everything will be alright. I'd move the world to make her smile, I'd jump in front of a train to save her, I'd do anything and everything to her. I know I'll be happy and good if she's here with me.

I never knew I could feel that much for someone else. But she... My baby has come into my life in the most unexpected way possible; these feelings... Such intense ones are just the beginning of what we're having together. And if I were afraid, before, that document.write(Mariana) would never feel the same for me, now I'm afraid of losing her. Of not being enough, what she needs, the boyfriend she expects me to be.

Though, these fears give me strength and willingness to always fight for her, to always do my best, to be my best so that I never let her down, nor disappoint her. When I close my eyes I can picture our whole future together, and I don't know if that's not a 'guy' thing, or if guys just don't talk about it, but it gives me hope and faith.

And then I know, I know I'm not only in love with document.write(Mariana); what I've been feeling for her is too strong and ravishing; it's scary, but also makes me certain she's the one I want in my life, in my future. She is the one I love!

[rxbxlcaptain]

A domestic au in which jyn adopts a pet and cassian is allergic! It can be in yavin or it can be modern au! Whichever!

I’m a sucker for dogs, so, of course, I wrote about Jyn bringing in a stray dog. (Also, would this prompt have made much more sense in a Modern AU? Yeah, probably. But do I also love the idea of Jyn glaring at her commanding officer as she drags a dog onto their ship after a random Pathfinder mission? Yes, yes I do.) I hope you enjoy :D

Thank you to all my followers and those who have sent me prompts, but I’m cutting off accepting new prompts! I still have several more to write, so you haven’t seen the last of this series, but no more prompts for now! Much love to you all!

AO3

After not seeing Jyn for over a month, just about the lastwords Cassian wants to hear out of Kes Dameron’s mouth is, “Oh, I cannot waitto see the Captain’s face when he sees this.”

Jyn’s co-sergeant laughs as he says it, which reassures Cassiansomewhat; at least the surprise isn’t Jyn missing an arm or covered in blood.(Dameron’s a good man; he would be laughing at that… right?)

Still, Cassian braces himself as he walks up the ramp of thePathfinder’s transport ship, searching for Jyn and Kes. He’s greeted, not byJyn’s relaxed gaze or Kes’s ever-present smile, but a large pile of fur,jumping onto his legs to demand attention. Only as the fur mop backs up a fewinches and lets out a playful growl does Cassian recognize it as a dog. Itshead comes up just below Cassian’s knee and a wet nose peaks out from under thecurly mess of ashy brown fur. Hesitantly, Cassian kneels beside the dog,reaching his hand to scratch the perky ears.

“Jyn?” He calls, confused by the whole situation.

At the sound of his call, Jyn’s head pokes down from thecockpit. “Good,” she smiles at Cassian and the dog. “You’ve met Zak.”

“I’ve met… who?”

Out of Cassian’s line of sight in the cockpit, Kes snorts. “Toldyou this would be amusing.”

Jyn jumps down from the cockpit and the dog trots to herside, leaving Cassian’s hand midair. Jyn holds out her hand and the dog – Zak – comes to sniff it. “Sit,” shecommands, but the dog disobeys, choosing instead to wag its tail. “Come on, sit. You’re going to make me look bad.”

“Unfortunately,” Kes jumps down from the cockpit, landingbeside Jyn and the dog, his smile telling Cassian he is enjoying this situationfar too much. “Jyn’s face of intimidation doesn’t work on this mutt like itworks on the privates.”

“He’s still learning!” Jyn protests, turning that same faceof intimidation on Kes.

“I think he’s gleaning the ability to follow orders fromyou,” Kes explains. “That is to say, he hates doing it.”

Jyn mutters something that sounds like I’m not that bad under her breath, but Cassian barely takes note.He’s still watching the dog, blinking, like it might disappear.

He clears his throat to interrupt Kes and Jyn’s bickering. “Youdidn’t leave with a dog, you know.” Maybeyou could explain how you came back with one?

Kes smirks. “This is your story, Erso. I’ll be finishingpost-flight checks. Captain.” He gives Cassian a quick salute.

When he returns to the cockpit, Jyn addresses Cassian. “I’mkeeping him.” Her voice is firm, determined, a tone that Cassian understands hehas little chance of changing her mind. “We found him, abandoned and starving,on the lower levels or Coruscant. I couldn’t just leave him there.”

Of course not; one of the first things Cassian learned aboutJyn Erso was her inability to leave endangered organics alone. He also doesn’tneed to question why. Still, he hesitates to answer, so Jyn beats him to it.

“If Han Solo can keep a Wookie with him, I can keep a dog.”

Cassian doesn’t want to note that the Wookie, at least, canyield a crossbow and take care of himself, unlike this dog.

“Where do you plan on keeping him?” Cassian asks, slowly.

“Our quarters, of course.” She shrugs, as if this answer wasobvious. “We can get someone to feed him while we’re both gone.”

Cassian stares, still kneeling where he had been petting thedog earlier, unsure what to say. With a small push from Jyn, Zak ambles backover to Cassian, snuggling up to him. Even Cassian can’t deny how comfortinganother warm body feels; love and physical affection are rare commoditiesaround the Rebel Alliance.

“Come on, Cassian.” Jyn’s eyes plead just as much as herwords. “It’ll be nice to have him around.”

Cassian’s shoulder drop as he sighs, accepting his newroommate.

The next morning, Cassian awakes to a sneeze. Or, really, aseries of sneezes. For a moment, he worries he’s caught an illness somewhere,until he realizes his face feels tight and itchy, as well. Forcing his sleepy (andwatery) eyes open, Cassian glances towards what he expects is the culprit.

Zak has commandeered Cassian’s tradition spot in Jyn’s arms,despite there not being nearly enough room in the bed for the animal. Beforefalling asleep the night before, Jyn had agreed Zak would sleep on the floor –she had even sacrificed one of their blankets to make him comfortable – but,apparently, sometime during the night, she had given up that notion and allowedhim on the bed.

Groaning, Cassian ran his hands over his swollen face,resisting the urge to start scratching. Jyn stirred at the sound but, ratherthan waking, she snuggled deeper into Zak’s fur. (Cassian refuses to be jealousat the attention the dog is getting.) Zak opens his eyes and tilts his head atCassian, as if he wants to ask what’s wrong.

“Your fur,” Cassian accuses the dog, “and I do not getalong.”

And the dog’s tail has the nerve to wag, like Cassian just gavehim a great compliment.

“Jyn,” Cassian shakes the sleeping woman, “Jyn, wake up.”

She gives a slight groan before turning to face him. Zakprotests with a small whine, nudging Jyn’s shoulder with his nose. “What’swrong with your face?” She asks, confirming Cassian’s suspicions that his faceis red and blotchy.

“I think I’m allergic to the dog.”

Jyn frowns, leaning up on one elbow. “Why didn’t you sayanything yesterday?”

“I haven’t spent much time in my life around small furrycreatures, you know. I didn’t know.”

Jyn gives the dog a longing glance, obviously torn betweenCassian and Zak. “What if,” she says slowly, “I made sure he didn’t sleep onthe bed? Think that would help?”

Cassian looks at Jyn, sees the pure and honest connectionshe has with the dog, and he knows he couldn’t ask her to part with it. And ifdealing with some discomfort makes Jyn happy, well, Cassian has dealt withworse.

Or, at least, that’s what he tells himself while he sneezesagain (and continues to do so every night the dog lovingly greets him with alick to the face).

[littlemissmeggie]

92 truths

i was tagged by @1dfourinfinity​, @galeaya067​, and @jjfrommn​ (who tagged me over at my main blog but i’m going to do it here) like a week and a half ago. sorry it’s taken so long! thank you all for tagging me!

Rules: Write 92 truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

what was your…

last drink: a cup of tea in my cute harry fanart mug

last phone call: ugh. i spent like 45 minutes on the phone with my internet provider yesterday setting up a time for a tech guy to come replace my modem.

last text message: “hahaha! there’s someone in my building/neighbourhood that’s ‘the west wing.’” talking about people’s wifi names because i just renamed mine “gryffindor tower” after the internet guy set up my new modem.

last song you listened to: “screen” by twenty one pilots

last time you cried: sunday night. my mom and i were telling my brother a story about the night we hit a deer and an owl within two miles of each other because he was only a few months old at the time. it’s a super weird, funny story and we were all laughing so hard we were crying. (the deer was fine. we brought the owl home and called a local animal rehab place and they came to take the owl the next day and then sent us a picture in the mail of the owl being released back to the wild.)

have you ever…

dated someone twice: kind of? i dated this kid john for a while and then we broke up because he was joining the army and then we got back together for like a month when he came back from boot camp and then we broke up again.

been cheated on: yes. by my first boyfriend with this girl who was a total bitch to me. 😒 

kissed someone and regretted it: nope

lost someone special: well, my grandmother passed away about seven and a half years ago and that was tough because we were very close. my great uncle eddie, who was like a second grandfather, passed away a little over three years ago and that was tough too. i’ve also lost some good friends because i’m terrible at keeping in touch with people when i no longer see them regularly. and there’s a whole long story about my cousin, who was my best friend since we were babies until about a year and a half ago when he got married.

been depressed: yeah. i’ve had bouts of depression since my teens. i’ve been doing all right lately though.

in the past year have you…

made a new friend: i’ve made some friends here on tumblr, which is really awesome. i guess i made a few new “work friends” when i started at the country club last summer too, so that’s kind of cool.

fallen out of love: not in the past year.

laughed until you cried: pretty much any time i’m with my mom and my sister or we are texting in our group chat. 

met someone who changed you: well, i like to think that everyone you meet changes you, sort of in the butterfly effect kind of way, so yes. i’ve met a lot of new people in the past year. 

found out who your true friends are: i don’t feel like i’ve really had anything happen in the past year that would have proved who my “true friends” are. 

kissed anyone on your followers/following: no

how many people on your tumblr do you know irl: i knew one of my mutuals long before tumblr was even a thing. other than that, i’ve met @1dfourinfinity and @narryintheam​ when we went to see niall on the today show in october. and there’s my group chat and @kirrylovesnarry​ who i’ve never met in real life but who i talk to all of the time. 

do you want to change your name: the name on my birth certificate is not meggie and no, i won’t tell you what it actually is, but i’ve never been called by the name on my birth certificate except in situations where they’re only calling me by my legal name. my cousin mentioned above didn’t know my real name until we were 8. so, to answer the question, i would love to legally change my name to meggie but i think it would really hurt my mom’s feelings because it’s a family name.

what time did you wake up today: 7:43am

what were you doing at midnight last night: i was actually going to bed, which never happens that early.

name something you can’t wait for: summer

what is the one thing you wish you could change about your life: i just wish i had a bit more money because finances get a little tight in the winter with heat bills and fewer work hours since the country club closes for the winter and i’m only working part-time at my other job.

what are you listening to right now: my boyfriend talking to his friend on the phone. or like in general? because i’ve been on a twenty one pilots kick lately.

whats getting on your nerves right now: one of my cats is in heat right now and she keeps making this really annoying crying meow.

about me…

nicknames: meg, megs, megaleg, megapalooza, miss meg/miss meggie (hence my url), mugzi/mugz, and megatron by my family; pookie, pumpkin, and punky by my boyfriend.

relationship: i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost six and a half years.

zodiac sign: libra/scorpio. i’m born on the day it changes so some things list me as the last day of libra and others have me as the first day of scorpio. i used a calculator thing where you put in the time you were born and everything once and it said i was scorpio. if i’d been born, like, three hours earlier, it would have been libra. but i definitely have both libra and scorpio traits.

pronouns: she/her

favourite TV shows: breaking bad, buffy the vampire slayer, 3rd rock from the sun, it’s always sunny in philadelphia, the sopranos, arrested development, and the original csi.

school: i graduated from the culinary institute of america in may 2010.

hair colour: brown with natural reddish-blond streaks. i’ve never dyed it.

long or short hair: i wore my hair short (like, super short) from the age of 7 to about 23 and then i grew it out really long. i cut it chin-length and donated it almost two years ago and realised i like it better long now. weird how life changes.

do I have a crush on someone: does my boyfriend count? 

what do you like about yourself: i’m smart and funny, in an odd way. i’m talented, though most of them are wasted talents. i’m very good at my jobs and i’m a hard worker. i’m nice. i’m a strong person; i’ve been through a lot of shitty things in my life but i’m still here and i try to learn and grow from the shitty things as much as i can.

firsts…

first surgery ever: i had two hernias removed when i was, like, 3.

first piercing: i don’t have any piercings.

first sport you joined: my parents signed me up for kiddie soccer when i was maybe 4 because they wanted me to make new friends other than my cousin zak. i cried on the second day because i hated it so much. 

first vacation: probably rehoboth beach, delaware. family tradition from when my mom was maybe 6 years old until my parents got divorced fifteen years ago.

first pair of trainers/sneakers: i’m 29. i don’t remember my first pair of sneakers. probably just white keds or something.

right now…

eating: nothing but my boyfriend’s making dinner right now.

drinking: water and tea now

listening to: my boyfriend making dinner

waiting for: dinner. i’m starving. 

wanting kids: not really, unless my boyfriend really wants kids someday. i’m not a very maternal person.

career: i’m an assistant at cooking classes, though i’m going to apply for a position as an instructor. during the summer/early fall, i also work as the sous chef at the country club in my town.

romantic stuff…

lips or eyes: eyes probably.

hugs or kisses: um, kisses i guess. i don’t really like hugging people. i guess i hug my boyfriend in a romantic way though, if that makes sense? i just don’t really like hugging.

shorter or taller: taller. my boyfriend’s 6′. i dated a guy who was 6′3″ for a while, which was funny to see because i’m only 5′.

older or younger: i’ve almost always dated guys who were at least a year older than me. my boyfriend is twelve years older than me. my second longest relationship, though, was with a guy who was three years younger than me.

romantic or spontaneous: can’t you be both?

sensitive or loud: both? i’m not an overly sensitive person…

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: i’m not sure how those are really opposites so i’m not sure how to answer. just someone who’s not boring but doesn’t get into trouble with the law, i guess?

have you ever…

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: i like whiskey and gin though i don’t drink often. 

lost glasses or contacts: i don’t wear glasses or contacts, so no. 

been arrested: no

turned someone down: yes

cried when someone died: obviously. i may not be overly sensitive but i still cry when people die.

fallen for a friend: yes. i was in love with my best friend for a while.

do you believe…

in yourself: usually. i’ll go through a period of, like, two days where i’m all down on myself and then i realise i’m actually pretty cool.

miracles: yes

love at first sight: infatuation, maybe. love, no. 

santa claus: i did when i was a kid. i no longer do, though.

kiss on the first date: depends on the person and how the date goes.

i’m not tagging anyone because i just tagged a bunch of people in another thing, but do this if you’d like to and tag me so i can see it!

[writingsubmissions]

UFC Fight Night 111 Preview

WHAT'S HAPPENING: *Well, on paper, UFC's offering from Auckland looked like a bunch of nothing prelims giving way to a fun main card, and it followed that blueprint more than anyone really could've expected, as the prelims were absolutely nothing, but the main card did, in fact, offer up a stupid amount of violence. And that included the main event - while it didn't give us a particularly brutal knockout or anything, it was nineteen minutes of big, dumb fun heavyweight action, with Mark Hunt and Derrick Lewis exchanging massive blows. UFC probably figured this would be a chance for Lewis to get a big win and officially become a contender, while possibly marking the end of perennial contender Hunt, who's currently suing the company, but instead it wound up being pretty much exactly the opposite. Lewis has always been a flawed fighter - his cardio wears out quickly, and his fight IQ can sometimes go completely downhill, but as he's risen up the ladder, none of that has really mattered; yes, Lewis will look horrible for the balance of the fight, but he's such a massive, powerful athlete that as long as he's able to hit a big knockout blow, he's going to win the fight. And in this case, that finishing shot just never came - Hunt fought a smart fight and just let Lewis wear down and get tired, and eventually Lewis tired so much that Hunt was able to go in and get the stoppage without much trouble, landing a few punches before the referee stopped it more due to exhaustion than anything else. But the big surprise came after, when Lewis announced that, at least as of now, this was his last fight, which was in a way, both extremely surprising and not at all. Years back, when Lewis was first starting in UFC, he talked about pretty much quitting fighting as soon as he got enough money to pay off his house, but that talk quieted as Lewis reeled off his big winning streak and got what was apparently a decent-sized contract. Reading between the lines, it seems like Lewis was basically willing to continue as long as he kept charging towards the championship, but with that out of the picture for now, and Lewis getting married soon, that's apparently that. Lewis did leave the door just open enough that I'm not taking him off the roster just yet - and if he did indeed sign a fairly big-money deal, I assume he'll be back - but for the time being, heavyweight is down one of its few youngish, interesting fighters. *That main event came after a run of four finishes, three of which were absolutely brutal. Dan Kelly's miracle winning streak at middleweight came to a brutal end, as Derek Brunson absolutely annihilated him on the first real exchange of the fight, knocking him out in just 76 seconds. It's hard to even say that Brunson returned to his more aggressive form here, as the two guys just sort of felt each other out for a minute, and Brunson then finished the fight before he even really got the chance to get any sort of gameplan going. Local Auckland boy Dan Hooker absolutely annihilated Ross Pearson with a brutal standing knee right up the middle for a second-round knockout, proving that his lanky frame still an advantage, even as he moves up from featherweight to lightweight. This was looking well on its way to being a typical Pearson fight that goes to a close decision, but then Hooker uncorked that knee, and that was that. Pearson's been a reliable hand as an action fighter for years now, so it'll be interesting to see if UFC keeps him on despite four straight losses. Ion Cutelaba did not mess around in a light heavyweight tilt against Henrique da Silva, marching forward to stare da Silva down during fighter introductions, then charging forward and just obliterating the Brazilian in just 22 seconds with some brutal ground-and-pound. Even though he's just 23, Cutelaba hasn't shown much to suggest he'll ever be more than a fun, straight-ahead brawler, but when the Moldovan gets going like he did here, he's absolutely terrifying. And the fourth finish was definitely the biggest upset of the night, as Ben Nguyen was able to tap out Tim Elliott in just 49 seconds. Elliott started to initiate a grapple, but Nguyen just hopped on his back, and that was suddenly that - Nguyen continuing to exceed expectations has been a fun story, and I did like his post-fight interview where, when prompted to call out a next opponent, Nguyen threw some shade UFC's way about their talk of closing the flyweight division. Ben Nguyen is awesome, y'all. *As for the rest of the card, even the lone decision on the main card was an impressive performance, as Alexander Volkanovski affirmed himself as the best of the Australian prospects. I've generally been down on Volkanovski compared to the consensus, but he looked excellent here against a tough opponent in Mizuto Hirota, showcasing his powerful wrestling and some thudding power that would've knocked out anyone less tough than the Japanese vet. I tend to write off most Australian prospects as potential action fighters and not much else, but Volkanovski's the rare exception that looks like he could become an actual contender. The lone finish on the prelims saw Vinc Pichel return from a three-year layoff to knock out Damien Brown, in a nice moment for Pichel. Though, honestly, I was actually a bit more impressed by Brown - he's seemingly too old and late in his career to turn into a contender or anything, but as someone I had written off as a regional vet who wouldn't have much UFC success, he's supplemented his grappling with some nice striking and was hitting a groove here...until he ran right into a flattening uppercut from Pichel. Debuting New Zealander Luke Jumeau looked good in his UFC debut, as he proved to have enough power and athleticism to counter the rugged wrestling game of Dominique Steele. Australian newcomer Ashkan Mokhtarian looked awful, though, as John Moraga snapped a three-fight losing streak by absolutely dominating Mokhtarian. Mokhtarian's a powerful, if not particularly good, grappler, so maybe there's a lower-tier flyweight or two that Mokhtarian can overpower, but hoo boy was this a bad UFC debut. Zak Ottow defeated Kiichi Kunimoto by split decision in a fight that, as expected, saw nothing interesting happen. And the show kicked off with J.J. Aldrich getting a decision win over Korean newcomer Chan Mi Jeon. The fight didn't really do much to change my opinion of either woman - you can see Jeon's potential, but she's still so young and raw she doesn't really know what she's doing, although she did at least pace herself and fight a smarter fight here. Meanwhile, this really didn't do much to address my concerns of Aldrich being able to handle athletic wrestlers, and Jeon was so inexperienced that Aldrich was just able to pick her apart and keep her at bay. *So, holy crap! The Conor McGregor/Floyd Mayweather fight is...actually happening? August 26th is the date, and while there have been conflicting reports about which venue in Vegas is hosting the fight, it'll likely be the T-Mobile Arena. So, this is fairly nuts. It always made sense from the perspectives of both fighters, and Showtime as well, since Floyd figures to pick up an easy win, but I'm a bit surprised UFC went along with it, though I guess this speaks to how desperate new ownership is to pay off their debt. Although splits haven't been announced, UFC figures to make a ton of money of this fight - pretty much everyone involved is going to get around $100 million if you assume normal-ish splits, but they may really wind up hurting themselves in the long-term, since they may spell the end of McGregor. I doubt he'll be hurt by the loss, as expectations should be so low that he really has more to gain if he has any moments of success than lose with a loss, even if it winds up being one-sided, but it's becoming harder and harder to see McGregor fighting again for the UFC, even though the promotion is apparently hopeful to have him on UFC 220 on December 30th. But either one of two things is going to happen - either McGregor is just going to make so much bank he's not going to bother fighting again, or if he does want to fight, he'll probably ask for so much money that, frankly, it may not be profitable for UFC to even have him fight. And given that UFC's biggest business has been built on the backs of McGregor and Ronda Rousey, WME-IMG may be in a ton of trouble once this fight is done. And god help us all if he wins. And as far as details, this will apparently be an all-boxing undercard, and the bout is taking place at 154 pounds, which is a surprising win for the McGregor camp, since one figured that Mayweather would make the Irishman cut as much weight as possible. *Only a few other things in terms of news and notes. Sean Grande is out as Bellator's lead play-by-play announcer, and the promotion announced they've signed both Mike Goldberg and Mauro Ranallo to take over the announcing duties. Both men will debut on the upcoming show from Madison Square Garden, I assume in a three-man booth with Jimmy Smith, which will be...weird. It's all very unclear how this is going to work, but I'm assuming Goldberg and Smith will be the team for a lot of shows, since Ranallo seemingly splits his time between every fight promotion out there. The MMA Journalists' Association has launched - it's much needed, and hopefully lasts longer than recent attempts to unionize fighters have gone. Sage Northcutt has joined Team Alpha Male, apparently, which, frankly, is as good a choice as any - Alpha Male gets a lot of flack for not being the best when it comes to high-level gameplanning, but if Northcutt's just looking to learn a lot of stuff really quickly, there are worse places to go. And top British featherweight prospect Arnold Allen has found himself in hot water, getting a suspended five-month prison sentence for his involvement in a brawl around Christmas. Long story shirt, apparently Allen's girlfriend got into a fight at a Christmas party, and things escalated rather rapidly, with a drunk Allen basically trying to protect his girlfriend by punching everything that moved, including a few women. Apparently, his lawyer argued that Allen doesn't handle his alcohol well because he abstains from it during his fight camps. This did not work. Anyway, it's unclear what the fallout of all this is - Allen might face some restrictions when it comes to travelling outside Europe, and nothing's been said about the status of his UFC contract. The cynic in me says Allen probably won't garner enough headlines for UFC to bother reacting to this, but by the same token, as talented of a prospect as he is, he's probably expendable enough that UFC could cut him, like they did Michael Graves (who had an outright domestic violence arrest), without much of a fuss. ------ BOOKINGS: *Not a ton announced in UFC proper over the last week, outside of a ton of fights for that Tuesday night Dana White's Contender Series show starting up in July (which is apparently actually a completely separate promotion, so I won't be covering those here). In fact, there's only one fully new fight, and it doesn't even technically have an event yet - after teasing a fight with Al Iaquinta, Mike Perry is instead facing Thiago Alves in a bit of a weird prospect-versus-veteran fight, and it's set for August 19th, at...somewhere. It's fully expected this will be UFC 215 in Seattle, but the intention seems to be a show built around local boy Demetrious Johnson, and, well, things between UFC and the flyweight champ haven't been going great, apparently holding up that announcement. Past that, newcomer Azamat Murzakanov is out of his debut in Oklahoma City, so Joachim Christensen will instead face California's Dominick Reyes, a top light heavyweight prospect. Chad Laprise steps into the open spot against Brian Camozzi at UFC 213, and because we can't have nice things, Doo Ho Choi is injured and out of his UFC 214 bout against Andre Fili. *Also, Combate in Brazil leaked a bunch of dates for the rest of UFC's 2017 schedule, though it isn't completely finalized, and is probably missing a few things - there figure to be a few more Fight Night cards, plus I don't see the typical December card on Fox. As mentioned above, UFC 215 is still targeted for August 19th in Seattle, though the company's been waiting on that announcement. In between Edmonton and Japan, there's a yet to be announced Fight Night card on September 16th, from somewhere in the United States. October only has two cards at the moment - UFC 217 from Vegas on the 7th, and a Fight Night card from Sao Paulo on the 28th. November sees a card every weekend - November 4th is apparently the date of UFC's return to Madison Square Garden for UFC 218, and then the 11th sees a card from an undetermined American City. From there, UFC goes to Asia for cards on the 19th and the 25th - there's been talk of UFC returning to South Korea, as well as talk of a show in Perth now that Western Australia has lifted its cage-fighting ban, so I'd assume those would be your favorites. The first weekend of December sees back to back shows, as the TUF 26 finale to crown the first women's flyweight champion takes place on Friday the 1st, and the 2nd will apparently be UFC's return to Detroit for UFC 219. And, as previously announced, UFC 220 will take place in Vegas on December 30th. ----- UPCOMING UFC SHOWS: 6/25 - UFC Fight Night 112 - Oklahoma City, OK - Michael Chiesa vs. Kevin Lee, Tim Boetsch vs. Johny Hendricks, B.J. Penn vs. Dennis Siver 7/7 - TUF 25 Finale - Las Vegas, NV - Justin Gaethje vs. Michael Johnson 7/8 - UFC 213 - Las Vegas, NV - Amanda Nunes ( c ) vs. Valentina Shevchenko, Yoel Romero vs. Robert Whittaker, Donald Cerrone vs. Robbie Lawler 7/16 - UFC Fight Night 113 - Glasgow, Scotland - Gunnar Nelson vs. Santiago Ponzinibbio, Joanne Calderwood vs. Cynthia Calvillo 7/22 - UFC on Fox 25 - Uniondale, NY - Kelvin Gastelum vs. Chris Weidman, Dennis Bermudez vs. Darren Elkins, Thomas Almeida vs. Jimmie Rivera 7/29 - UFC 214 - Anaheim, CA - Daniel Cormier ( c ) vs. Jon Jones, Jimi Manuwa vs. Volkan Oezdemir, Jason Knight vs. Ricardo Lamas 8/5 - UFC Fight Night 114 - Mexico City, Mexico - Brandon Moreno vs. Sergio Pettis, Sam Alvey vs. Rashad Evans 9/2 - UFC Fight Night 115 - Rotterdam, Netherlands - Stefan Struve vs. Alexander Volkov 9/9 - UFC 216 - Edmonton, AB - Henry Cejudo vs. Wilson Reis, Rick Glenn vs. Gavin Tucker ----- UFC Fight Night 111 - June 17, 2017 - Singapore Indoor Stadium - Kallang, Singapore A strange little card, but a fun one for a Fight Pass card taking place out of Singapore. For the last few years, Fight Pass cards have mostly been fairly nothing affairs, with main events like Derrick Lewis versus Shamil Abdurakhimov, or Paddy Holohan against Louis Smolka, but this one actually has a main card with both some starpower and some stakes. Admittedly, the main event isn't really that great of a main event, as Holly Holm is in the weird spot of being one of UFC's most recognizable faces while watching her career spiral downward, but UFC tried here, which is frankly more than I expected. Though, as for the prelim card, the best I can say is that typically one or two of these fights would be on a Fight Pass main card, and thankfully UFC didn't do that this time around. MAIN CARD (UFC Fight Pass - 8:00 AM ET): Women's Bantamweight: (#5) Holly Holm vs. (#11) Bethe Correia Heavyweight: (#8) Andrei Arlovski vs. (#13) Marcin Tybura Welterweight: (#7) Dong Hyun Kim vs. Colby Covington Welterweight: (#11) Tarec Saffiedine vs. (#5 Lightweight) Rafael dos Anjos PRELIMINARY CARD (UFC Fight Pass - 4:45 AM ET): Lightweight: Takanori Gomi vs. Jon Tuck Heavyweight: Cyril Asker vs. Walt Harris Featherweight: Alex Caceres vs. Rolando Dy Flyweight: Ulka Sasaki vs. Justin Scoggins Welterweight: Frank Camacho vs. Jingliang Li Bantamweight: Russell Doane vs. Kwan Ho Kwak Flyweight: C.J. de Tomas vs. Naoki Inoue Women's Bantamweight: Ji Yeon Kim vs. Lucie Pudilova THE RUNDOWN: Holly Holm (10-3 overall, 3-3 UFC, 1-0 Bellator) vs. Bethe Correia (10-2-1 overall, 4-2-1 UFC): When Ronda Rousey shockingly suffered her first defeat back in November of 2015, it looked like UFC might actually be fairly fine - obviously Holly Holm wasn't going to be quite the mainstream star that Rousey was, but she got a huge boost from her huge win over UFC's biggest mainstream star, and if she could hang onto the belt until Rousey came back, the rematch would do huge business. Whoops. Pretty much all was going to plan for about four and a half rounds when Holm was defending her belt against Miesha Tate, as save a second round where Tate exposed Holm's lack of a ground game, Holm was pretty much able to keep Tate at a distance standing and prevent her from doing anything. But in the last two minutes of the fight, Tate went for one more desperation takedown and got it, eventually choking Holm unconscious in memorable fashion and setting all of UFC's plans on fire. But hey, things would probably still work out in the long run - Rousey and Tate's rivalry was one of the best in the sport, and now between those two and Holm, you had three marketable rematches where you once only had one. Whoops. July came around, Tate got smashed by Amanda Nunes and would be retired by the end of the year, and Holm pretty much saw her career careen out of control. I could see why UFC thought Valentina Shevchenko would be a solid bounce-back win for Holm, as did most people; Shevchenko comes from a Muay Thai background, but Holm is one of the most decorated female boxers of all-time, so with striking being Holm's strength, she should be able to outbox Shevchenko fairly easily. And that held true for, well, about a round - in fairly short order, Shevchenko started to figure out and counter Holm's strikes, and from there Holm was fairly helpless; she was a fairly rote striker against someone who turned out to be more diverse in Shevchenko, and Shevchenko was even able to get inside and once again expose Holm's lack of a real grappling game. From there, it was onto the disaster that was the women's featherweight title fight against Germaine de Randamie; once again, Holm didn't really seem to have a plan B against a kickboxer that could pretty much match her, and once again, Holm lost a decision. So now losing three straight and not having won a fight since that huge upset over Rousey, UFC and Holm's management are trying again to get her a win, this time against Bethe Correia. Correia is a weird fighter. She's one of the bigger punchlines on the UFC roster, and in a sense, rightfully so; in most of her interviews, she comes off like a delusional loon, she might be the least athletic fighter on the roster, and she pretty much trash-talked her way into a 34-second knockout loss to Rousey. But, in a way, Correia's also kind of good, considering that she was discovered when she was a chubby accountant trying to lose weight who happened to hit a heavy big really hard; she's a solid, technical striker, and while that complete lack of athleticism probably won't get her much higher than number ten or so in the world, she's also basically become the best Bethe Correia she can be and gotten to about number ten in the world. As for the fight, Holm pretty much has to win this, although it's way closer than it has any right to be. Correia actually showed some wrestling in her last fight, a draw against Marion Reneau, and I could see a scenario where Correia has some success doing just that, and basically neutralizing Holm and her complete lack of a ground game. If this was a three-round fight, I might be more confidence in Correia stealing two rounds and getting a decision, but over the course of five, Holm's speed, athleticism, and pace should see her be able to pick Correia apart standing more often than not. Again, I think this could be closer than anyone thinks it should be, but my pick is Holm by decision to finally pick up another win. Andrei Arlovski (25-14 [1] overall, 14-8 UFC, 0-3 Strikeforce) vs. Marcin Tybura (15-2 overall, 2-1 UFC): Well, things sure turned around quickly for Andrei Arlovski, and it's not the first time anyone has said that. It was about a decade ago that Arlovski first left the UFC; he was still one of the top heavyweights in the world, but a boring loss in a title fight against Tim Sylvia and a horrible fight against Fabricio Werdum pretty much killed interest in him, so when his contract was up, UFC decided to let him go after the absurd money that Affliction was offering at the time. At first, Arlovski had some success, knocking out Ben Rothwell and Roy Nelson, but a quick loss to Fedor Emilianenko started a run where Arlovski's career just fell apart - Affliction folded, and Arlovski signed with Strikeforce only to lose three straight, most notably getting knocked out in just 22 seconds by Brett Rogers. So, cut from Strikeforce, and pretty much written off as a shopworn vet whose chin had cracked for good, Arlovski pretty much became a MMA vagabond, taking fights all over the world, wherever they were offered, including a few bouts in World Series of Fighting. And, well, Arlovski won a lot of fights, with his only loss coming via decision to Anthony Johnson - and even that showed Arlovski could hang with a power puncher like Johnson without getting knocked out. Still, it was a bit surprising when UFC re-signed Arlovski in 2014, and even more surprising when Arlovski reeled off four straight wins - including one of the better fights on 2015 in a brawl against Travis Browne - to suddenly become a title contender. After that fight, there was some talk of giving Arlovski a shot before his luck ran out, but that never came to pass - instead, he got an unwatchable decision win over Frank Mir, and then, well, that luck ran out pretty quickly. Stipe Miocic ran through Arlovski in just 54 seconds to earn a title shot at the beginning of 2016, and that started a similar run to what we saw in Strikeforce - a knockout loss to Alistair Overeem, a decent showing but eventual submission loss at the hands of Josh Barnett, and most recently, getting annihilated by rising prospect Francis Ngannou in just 92 seconds this January. So, at 38, Andrei Arlovski tries to resurrect his career once again, and hopes that starts against Poland's Marcin Tybura. Tybura's a pretty interesting fighter, as he established himself as one of the best heavyweights in Europe when UFC signed him, though there were some questions about how his game would translate to the UFC level. And indeed, he struggled in his UFC debut against Tim Johnson; at about 250 pounds, Tybura is undersized for a UFC heavyweight - which does remind me of the old adage about 6'6" basketball players going into the only job where they'd be undersized - and on a roster where UFC signs a lot of guys who cut down to the 265 weight limit, he had trouble getting any of his grappling going against Johnson. But Tybura's looked good since - he's improved his striking greatly, and while he got smothered a bit by Brazilian wrestler Luis Henrique in his last fight, Tybura got the better of things on the feet and was able to regain control late when Henrique started to tire. I'm not sure if he's a future contender, but at the very least Tybura is one of UFC's better heavyweight signings in the last few years, and should remain a divisional stalwart as guys start to age out. As far as the fight, it's a difficult one to call, since neither guy can really take advantage of the other's main weakness; if Tybura was more of a one-hitter quitter, I could easily see him knock out Arlovski, while Arlovski really works more in space than doing the type of bullying that can sometimes stifle Tybura. So this should be a close decision, and waffling back and forth on the pick, I'll take Tybura - while I don't think Arlovski is done or anything, Tybura's game does seem to be clicking on all cylinders, and I think he can be solid enough on the feet while having the advantage if the two ever choose to grapple. Dong Hyun Kim (22-3-1 [1] overall, 13-3 [1] UFC) vs. Colby Covington (11-1 overall, 6-1 UFC): A really interesting fight here, as Colby Covington finally gets a shot at a high-level opponent after some odd matchmaking in his UFC career thus far. Covington came into UFC fairly raw back in 2014, but with a bunch of hype - a former junior college wrestling teammate of Jon Jones, Covington bounced around a bit thanks to some, ahem, off-the-court issues, but eventually had a decorated wrestling career at Oregon State. And UFC brought him along rather slowly at first, not even really giving him anyone who would test him, allowing him to run through international TUF washouts like Anying Wang and Wagner Silva. But after a win over Mike Pyle and a quick loss to fellow prospect Warlley Alves where Covington pretty much dove right into a guillotine, UFC weirdly decided to start all over with Covington. The start of 2016 saw UFC just feed debuting guys Jonathan Meunier and Max Griffin to Covington, which pretty much accomplished nothing; Covington was just able to rely on his wrestling and dominate before finishing off each guy late. And even when UFC finally threw Covington a decent opponent, in tough prospect-killer Bryan Barberena, it was still pretty much the same story - Covington flashed a bit more striking, but just more or less wrestled his way to a victory. So, finally, we should be able to learn something about Covington, since I don't think he can just outright out-wrestle longtime welterweight contender Dong Hyun Kim. Kim was the first South Korean fighter or any real prominence in the UFC, which makes it kind of amusing in retrospect how much he fought against type; most Korean fighters are pretty much all-offense, no-defense, but Kim spent years as pretty much a boring judoka, neutralizing most of his opponents and just hanging around the fringes of the top ten. But, amusingly, Kim's November 2013 fight against Erick Silva saw him suddenly decide to reverse course and just start going bananas, and even weirder, it actually kind of worked. Kim knocked out Silva with a crazy overhand, and then uncorked what seems to be the consensus best knockout of 2014, putting away John Hathaway with a beautiful spinning elbow that sent the Brit crumbling to the mat. But then Kim was matched against Tyron Woodley, and flew a little too close to the sun - he went for that same spinning elbow, whiffed badly, and at that point was a sitting duck to get annihilated by Woodley in just 61 seconds. And since then, it's been sort of a weird run, not helped by a bunch of injuries to either Kim or his opponent that have made his appearances fairly rare; Kim looked like his more aggressive, inconsistent self in a win over Josh Burkman, and then just ran through overmatched injury replacement Dominic Waters, but his last fight against Tarec Saffiedine saw Kim kind of retreat back to his more boring, control-heavy style, even if it only got him a split decision this time around. It's a bit of a hard fight to call, if only because Covington's entire game is basically going to be trying to put Kim on his back, and the Korean hasn't faced anyone who's tried to do that since...Demian Maia in 2012? So there's a chance that for all his judo skill, Covington can still get Kim to the ground, and from there it's unclear exactly what Kim can do from the bottom. But, more likely, Kim can either neutralize that or, as the much bigger fighter, even take control of things in the grappling realm himself - and even it remains standing, as wild as Kim's striking can be, I still trust it more than Covington's completely unproven, if seemingly improving, offerings on the feet. It's an interesting test for both guys, even if I'm very unsure as to how entertaining it'll be, and I'll take Kim by a fairly clear decision. Tarec Saffiedine (16-6 overall, 2-3 UFC, 6-1 Strikeforce) vs. Rafael dos Anjos (25-9 overall, 14-7 UFC): It's funny to think that, at this time last year, Rafael dos Anjos was making his case as one of the most dominant lightweights in the history of the division, but now, he's not even a lightweight anymore. Dos Anjos's run came completely out of nowhere, as for the first few years of his UFC career, he was pretty much a mid-tier submission artist who'd alternate wins and losses. But under coach Rafael Cordeiro, his striking suddenly clicked, and dos Anjos started a run where he won ten out of eleven fights (Khabib Nurmagomedov is really good), culminating in a dominant five-round win over lightweight champ Anthony Pettis and a 66-second title defense over Donald Cerrone. From there, dos Anjos was slated to be the unlikely B-side to a huge Conor McGregor fight, as after dispatching of Jose Aldo, McGregor set his eyes on dos Anjos's lightweight title. But then dos Anjos broke his foot, Nate Diaz stepped in to spark one of the best rivalries in the history of the sport, and the lightweight title was temporarily an afterthought when it came to McGregor. But again, at this time last year, it looked like dos Anjos would get his big money fight soon enough; his next challenger, Eddie Alvarez, seemed to be getting more of a lifetime achievement title shot than anything else, and McGregor would eventually come calling for that lightweight belt again. Dos Anjos did in fact look well on his way to beating Alvarez in the first few minutes of their fight, but then Alvarez landed a perfect punch to stun dos Anjos and send things down the path of a first-round finish; and indeed, shortly thereafter it was Alvarez that was the unlikely headliner opposite McGregor at Madison Square Garden. After another loss to Tony Ferguson in a really close fight between two top contenders, dos Anjos surprisingly announced a move up to welterweight; surprisingly if only because dos Anjos still figured to have success at 155, and he wasn't really thought of as a particularly giant lightweight or anyone who had trouble cutting weight. So, seven months later, dos Anjos makes his welterweight debut against Tarec Saffiedine, who's badly in need of a win. Saffiedine was a nice story during the dying days of Strikeforce; the Belgian was a fighter that the promotion slowly developed, working his way up the card before eventually beating Nate Marquardt for their welterweight title in the last-ever Strikeforce fight. But Saffiedine has struggled to find a foothold since he came over into the UFC; injuries limited him to only two fights in his first three years with the promotion, and his technical kickboxing game has proven fairly low-ceiling, as guys like Rick Story and Dong Hyun Kim have been able to control him rather handily. And honestly, I see this matchmaking as UFC losing a bit of faith in Saffiedine, since coming off two straight losses, I'm surprised they'd give him a tough next fight if they wanted to keep him strong as a contender. On paper, this seems like a fairly clear dos Anjos win; dos Anjos and Saffiedine are roughly the same size, and the style matchup greatly favors the former lightweight champ, as he should be able to pressure and control Saffiedine fairly easily and just implement whatever offense he wants. And there's also an extremely low chance of something like the dos Anjos/Alvarez fight, since I doubt Saffiedine can hit a perfect knockout punch; Saffiedine only has one career knockout, and has always been a guy content to ride out a technical decision rather than press for any sort of finish. So my pick is dos Anjos by a fairly one-sided decision, with the possibility of a late stoppage. Takanori Gomi (35-12 [1] overall, 4-7 UFC, 13-1 [1] PRIDE) vs. Jon Tuck (9-4 overall, 3-4 UFC): So it's come to this. About a decade ago, Takanori Gomi was one of the consensus best lightweights in the world, and definitely the best in Japan; with his athleticism and a wild style, Gomi pretty much blew through the competition in exciting fashion. After a few losses, Gomi signed with UFC in 2010, and was considered to be just past his prime; and indeed, while he did decently enough for the first few years, he was mostly just an action mid-card fighter, a far cry from his glory days. But after a fun decision win over Isaac Vallie-Flagg in April of 2014, the wheels have completely fallen off for Gomi, who's been fairly notorious for not really taken care of his body - the athleticism has slipped, and so has Gomi's chin, which combined with his offensively wild, defensively open style, has resulted in a string of first-round losses, as he's dropped bouts to Myles Jury, Joe Lauzon, and Jim Miller in a combined six and a half minutes. So, we're at the point that UFC needs to go pretty far down the ladder to see if Gomi has anything left, and so he faces Guam's Jon Tuck, who's been on his way to sliding out of the UFC himself. Tuck had a decent showing on TUF 15 while losing to Al Iaquinta to get into the house, but he was brought in shortly thereafter as an obvious setup guy for a card in Macau, as he was put against Chinese fighter Tiequan Zhang. That did not work, since Tiequan Zhang is awful, and Tuck wound up winning the decision. From there, he's kind of hung around as a frustrating talent; he's athletic and dynamic enough to get some wins over roster fodder, but his overall game is just sort of a mess and not enough to beat anyone decent. His last two fights showed this - he faced a fight last May against Josh Emmett where he just kept getting beaten to the punch and didn't really pull the trigger, and then turned around and lost a fight to Damien Brown in the exact opposite fashion, as he roared out to a big first round and then gassed himself into losing the last two. Still, as broken as Tuck's game is, he still has those moments of dynamism, and Gomi looks completely shot, so this'll probably be a quick Tuck victory - I say the Guamanian stuns Gomi on the feet, then gets a submission in the first round. Cyril Asker (8-2 overall, 1-1 UFC) vs. Walt Harris (9-5 overall, 2-4 UFC): This should be a fun lower-level heavyweight bout. It remains to be seen if Walt Harris will ever put it together, but if he does, watch out - the former basketball player for Jacksonville State is a physical specimen and, for now at age 34, a top-shelf athlete, but for a while, that didn't really amount to much; Harris was a quick two-and-out in the UFC the first time around, and after picking up a regional win, got re-signed as a late replacement only to lose to Soa Palelei. And honestly, even Harris's 2016 wasn't super-amazing; he did pick up a win over Cody East, but that was the type of come-from-behind knockout that happens at heavyweight, and a loss to Shamil Abdurakhimov was fairly flat. But, this January, Harris did put together the best performance of his career against Chase Sherman, showing off some impressive combinations and finally pulling the trigger, so maybe there's hope just yet. And frankly, France's Cyril Asker probably won't be much of a challenge. Given that MMA is banned in France, Asker instead plied his trade in South Africa and did well there, but as expected, his wrestling hasn't really translated up a level, as Asker's just kind of overmatched as an athlete. And while Asker did rebound from a rough UFC debut with a ground-and-pound win over Dmitrii Smoliakov, Smoliakov also may be the worst of UFC's recent heavyweight signings. I do like Asker, just personally, since he does seem like a nice guy win some charisma, but I don't really like his chances to hang around in the UFC because there's going to be a lot of fights like these, where he probably can't get things to the ground and doesn't have much firepower on the feet. So I'm taking Harris by a fairly easy first-round knockout. Alex Caceres (12-10 [1] overall, 7-8 [1] UFC) vs. Rolando Dy (8-4 [1] overall): Well, this is a fight that's just sort of...happening now. Initially, this was supposed to be the debut of Chinese fighter Guan Wang - when the card from Singapore was first announced, Dana White said that it would feature their next Chinese star, and it came out a few weeks later that it was Wang, a veteran featherweight with a bunch of knockouts. In fairly short order, Wang was tied to a fight with Alex Caceres on this card, but when everything was finalized, Caceres was instead facing Filipino newcomer Rolando Dy without any explanation. So...this is just a fight, basically. Caceres is a frustrating talent - it was a bit surprising when UFC picked him up, but they must have liked his "Bruce Leeroy" persona on his season of TUF; but after a rocky start, Caceres paid off UFC's faith in him and went on a five-fight unbeaten streak, consisting of four lower-tier opponents and then a big submission win over Sergio Pettis. But as with a lot of fighters, a big win basically led Caceres being thrown into fights over his head, so that gave way to a three-fight losing streak. 2016 saw Caceres move up to featherweight, and results have been mixed - in general, he's still the same sort of mid-level fighter he's always been, but it's almost impressive how inconsistent Caceres is even in the same fight; his win at UFC 199 over Cole Miller was probably a career-best performance, but even that saw Caceres sort of careen out of control and lose a one-sided third round. As for Dy, I'm actually a bit impressed, since I was dreading watching tape of him - his record isn't exactly stellar, plus the Filipino scene often cranks out fighters that are more fun than good. But I saw some solid striking and power, plus some grappling that, while not great, was at least better than some of his countrymen. I'm still not predicting a ton of UFC success for Dy, but he could be a guy who sticks around picking off some of the other lower-level fighters on the fringes of the roster. But as for this fight, Caceres has enough talent and skill to win this fairly easily, though given how inconsistent he is, it'll almost surely wind up being a fight that's closer than it needs to be. Still, my pick is Caceres by clear decision. Ulka Sasaki (19-4-2 overall, 2-3 UFC) vs. Justin Scoggins (11-3 overall, 4-3 UFC): The clear highlight of this prelim card, this should be a fun scrap between two flyweight prospects looking for a win. Justin Scoggins is an interesting one - the South Carolina native is a former training partner of Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson, and looked like a future champion after two impressive wins upon his UFC debut. So, of course, UFC rushed him into fights with higher-level opponents, which was a mixed bag; Scoggins acquitted himself well, as he probably should've gotten the split decision nod against Dustin Ortiz, and he was beating John Moraga until he got himself tapped out, but at the end of the day it was two unnecessary losses. From there, Scoggins was sort of forgotten - he got a win over Josh Sampo to stay afloat, and then struggled with injuries, but then he used his striking game to pretty much entirely shut down rising contender Ray Borg, and suddenly Scoggins was a top prospect at flyweight once again. He was slated to face Ian McCall last summer, but, of course, Scoggins suddenly found himself unable to make flyweight, and a one-off bout at bantamweight turned out to be what's becoming a classic Scoggins loss - he was winning rather handily, but tripped while throwing a kick and got immediately tapped out by Pedro Munhoz. So Scoggins attempts to return to 125, and does so against Japanese prospect Ulka Sasaki. Sasaki was supposed to be help lead the next wave of Japanese prospects, but after two bad losses, his UFC career seemed basically dead on arrival. But a cut to flyweight turned things around; Sasaki is gigantic for the division at 5'11", and was able to beat Willie Gates and have a super-game showing against former title challenger Wilson Reis this past February. But this really does seem like a Scoggins win - admittedly, Scoggins is at his best when he's able to use his karate and keep opponents at a distance, and Sasaki's massive wingspan may make that a bit difficult, but Sasaki's size means he's always hittable on the feet, and Scoggins should be able to take full advantage of that. Though, that said, Sasaki is a dangerous grappler, so this figures to be one of those fights where Scoggins should dominate the balance, but is basically able to make either a dumb decision or a dumb mistake at any moment and find himself suddenly getting tapped out. But still, I expect that Scoggins decision win, and this should be a really fun fight. Frank Camacho (20-4 overall) vs. Jingliang Li (12-4 overall, 4-2 UFC): UFC tried unsuccessfully to break into China back in 2014 - and, given that they're signing some more Chinese talent, they might be going for it again - but all they really have to show for it is Jingliang Li, who, frankly, is still way better than anyone could've expected. Li's nickname is "The Leech", and when he came into UFC, that was pretty much fair, as he was just sort of a smothering wrestler, but as time has gone on and Li's been able to diversify his training, he's actually become a fairly fun mid-tier brawler. Add in some charisma that transcends the language barrier, and Li's an easy guy to like; plus there's some novelty to him being the one good Chinese fighter. Li was initially supposed to face Canadian prospect Jonathan Meunier, but with Meunier heart, Li instead faces UFC newcomer Frank Camacho, who, best I can tell, is UFC's first fighter out of the Northern Mariana Islands, an American commonwealth near Guam. Camacho was briefly on UFC's radar in 2012, as he lost a fight to get into the TUF house against Neil Magny, and since then he's been sort of a regional journeyman for cards out on the Pacific Rim. But as far as journeymen go, Camacho's a good addition to the roster; in his wins, he absolutely smokes opponents, and in general he's sort of a low-level brawler that throws a ton of heat and, given the level, has had a bunch of success. Between the recent track record of both Li and Camacho, this figures to be a ridiculous brawl, and while Li isn't such a world-beater that he can't lose here, he is the much better fighter and should be able to score a first-round knockout. Russell Doane (14-7 overall, 2-4 UFC) vs. Kwan Ho Kwak (9-1 overall, 0-1 UFC): A really fun fight here and, along with Sasaki/Scoggins, a clear highlight of the undercard, though it does suck a bit that the loser will likely be cut. And if that loser is Russell Doane, he'll almost surely be cut, as the Hawaiian gets the rare last shot at a win after losing four straight fights. 2014 saw Doane debut and go through the typical B-level prospect path at bantamweight, winning two fights and then losing to perennial division gatekeeper Iuri Alcantara. And then Doane followed that up with an immensely frustrating loss - facing powerful wrestler Jerrod Sanders, Doane kept trying to implement his scrambling submission game, only to keep getting reversed and shut down by Sanders. Doane then took about a year off thanks to injuries, and in that time, improved greatly, showing some much more fluid striking in the vein of his teammate, Max Holloway; but unfortunately, that coincided with a step up in competition that still prevented Doane from having much success. Doane was pretty much used as a bounce-back fight for top prospect Pedro Munhoz, and then accepted a late-notice fight a weight class up at 145 to take on, and lose in fairly one-sided fashion, to uber-prospect Mirsad Bektic. But taking that Bektic fight probably earned Doane this fifth shot at a win, and it comes against South Korea's Kwan Ho Kwak. Kwak was probably the top bantamweight free agent in Asia when UFC picked him up last year, and it's easy to see why he's a top prospect, as Kwak is a ridiculous athlete with a penchant for throwing flashy kicks. But he has a ton of trouble against straight ahead wrestlers - a lot of Kwak's fights that I've watched see him look awesome when his opponent is forced to stand with them, and then make you wonder how he even got into the UFC when he's trying to fight from the bottom. In some regional title fights, the game still held together since Kwak appears to have excellent cardio, leaving his opponents too exhausted to take him down by the later rounds, but his UFC debut was pretty much the worst possible matchup, as fellow newcomer and excellent grappler Brett Johns just pretty much took Kwak down and schooled on him. I go back and forth on this fight - for all his improved striking, and for how much Doane has been too eager to grapple in the past, he actually should rely on that old gameplan here, as if he can get Kwak to the mat, he should be able to win rounds fairly easily. But, of course, the question is if he can get him there, since Kwak is such a ridiculous athlete and can often use that athleticism, rather than any sort of technique, to escape when his opponent tries to shoot. I have the feeling this is going to be a close decision either way, but I'll go with a bit of an upset and say Doane ekes out a decision, though I hope Kwak can still stick on the roster if that's the case. C.J. de Tomas (8-0 overall) vs. Naoki Inoue (10-0 overall): Well, UFC continues to have no idea what the hell they're doing with the flyweight division, or if they even want to have one, but at least they signed two pretty good prospects to face each other here. Japan's Naoki Inoue figured to be the youngest fighter on the roster when he debuted, but with Chan Mi Jeon getting signed as a late replacement in the interim, he'll have to settle for second, as he's racked up a 10-0 record before his 20th birthday. (Which will happen when you start your career before you even turn 17.) Tape on Inoue is rather scarce, but based off what's there, he's kind of the opposite of his sister, strawweight prodigy Mizuki Inoue - Naoki's striking is sort of a wild work in progress, but as soon as things go to the mat, he's a ridiculously slick submission artist given his experience, as his long frame allows him to successfully try all sorts of aggressive stuff. He faces top Filipino prospect Carls John de Tomas, who at 20 years old, is the old man of this matchup. I like de Tomas as a prospect - like a lot of Filipino fighters, he has a solid striking base that should lend itself well to having action fights, and for the level of competition, he has a pretty effective wrestling game to fall back on if he ever finds himself in trouble. Still, I think the first time that de Tomas tries one of those takedowns, he's going to find himself getting tapped out, and I think he's going to try a takedown fairly early - so my pick is Inoue by first-round submission. Still, both guys are interesting prospects, though given that UFC's flyweight division is sort of a shark tank without many easy fights, I do worry about the ability of both guys to stick on the roster long enough to develop. Ji Yeon Kim (6-0-2 overall) vs. Lucie Pudilova (6-2 overall, 0-1 UFC): A solid enough women's bantamweight fight here, as it's always good to see two prospects in a thin division. Czechia's Lucie Pudilova acquitted herself well in her UFC debut - a late injury replacement, Pudilova was tabbed for a rematch of a regional fight against Lina Lansberg. And while the first fight saw Lansberg mostly just pin the 5'11" Pudilova against the cage, Pudilova showed off the improvements she made in the ensuing sixteen months when it was time for the rematch; she still lost the fight, but there were large swaths where she was just beating the piss out of Lansberg's face, bloodying her up while carrying herself with a ton of swagger. Pudilova looks to build off that and get her first UFC win against South Korean newcomer Ji Yeon Kim, who's a solid prospect in her own right. Kim was actually apparently UFC's first option to face Holly Holm before Holm's management turned it down, I guess figuring an easy win over someone with no name value wasn't something they were interested in. Kim pretty much fits in the Korean archetype of charging forward with little regard for defense, but she does so in the name of being a fairly dogged wrestler, looking to take her opponent down and work for all sorts of stuff. It's a pretty binary fight - if Kim can bull Pudilova to the ground and work from there, she should be able to roll, but if Pudilova can keep it standing, I see this as Kim just charging forward into all manner of strikes. I tend to lean towards Kim not being a strong enough athlete to dictate this fight, so I'll take Pudilova by decision, though this could wind up being a really fun way to start the card.

[junker-town]

Fernando Alonso showing he’s no Indianapolis 500 rookie

Two-time Formula One champion Fernando Alonso is surprisingly skipping the Monaco Grand Prix to race in the Indianapolis 500.

The notation seems like a typo. Like a mistake that someone initially made, then forgot to amend so it just became an afterthought.

It is there in every official practice report and qualifying recap pertaining to Sunday’s Indianapolis 500 (noon ET, ABC). An unmistakable “R” alongside Fernando Alonso’s name signifying that he is a rookie, despite the Spaniard being a two-time Formula One world champion and universally recognized as one of motor racing’s premier talents.

Technically, though, Alonso is a rookie. Instead of competing in the Monaco Grand Prix on Sunday as he normally would as a driver for McLaren-Honda, the 35-year-old elected to skip Formula One’s signature race and attempt the Indianapolis 500.

“You need to win the best races in the world and the most prestigious races in the world. And how to achieve that is Formula One, Indy 500, and 24 Hour Le Mans.” — Fernando Alonso

The idea of racing at Indianapolis was largely conceived by McLaren team principle Zak Brown, an American with an extensive background in motor sports on multiple fronts. Sensing his driver’s growing frustration with an uncompetitive and unreliable Honda engine (Alonso’s only finished one of five races), Brown appealed to Alonso’s desire to become just the second driver to win Monaco, the Indianapolis 500, and the 24 Hours of Le Mans — racing’s Triple Crown. Only Graham Hill is a member of that exclusive club, and a win Sunday would put Alonso two-thirds of the way there. (He’s a two-time Monaco winner.)

“Let's say that four or five years ago, I start thinking about how to grow up as a driver and become a little bit more complete driver,” Alonso said. “To do so, I think you need to win the best races in the world and the most prestigious races in the world. And how to achieve that is Formula One, Indy 500, and 24 Hour Le Mans.

“But I didn't think that it was possible to attempt another race apart from Formula One until I was retired from Formula One. So to make it happen now in this year is something that is making me very, very proud from my team and makes me very happy, as well.”

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Alonso (29) leads a pack of cars down the front straightaway into Turn 1 during Indianapolis 500 practice.

Brown initially pitched Alonso on the idea jokingly, as an aside to a regular conversation the two were having before the start of the Formula One season. Alonso didn’t dismiss what his boss was saying, however. He actually reacted favorably, saying it was a race he wanted to run in the future. But after the topic got brought up during a dinner they were attending with Honda executives prior to the Australian Grand Prix in early April, Brown told Alonso to think seriously about running Indianapolis this year.

Alonso then took some time to consider the proposal. As he did, Brown began putting the pieces together behind the scenes to make the seemingly far-fetched notion a reality. Then came another dinner the two shared.

“Fernando and I had dinner the Friday of the Chinese Grand Prix, and I laid it out there and told him I thought this was something we could pull off if he wanted,” Brown told SB Nation. “The conversation got very serious, he said he was going to sleep on it. He woke the next morning and said, ‘Let’s do it.’”

Alonso’s decision sent shock waves across the motor sports landscape. His Indianapolis foray has become an international story with more than 2 million watching the stream of his initial laps around the 2.5-mile oval on May 3.

“The fans, they welcomed the idea. It was unexpected,” Alonso said. “This is quite a unique thing. I'm aware of it. I'm aware of the difficulty. All the fans I think are aware of it this, but I think if you love motorsports, this is a good news.”

Before this month he had never driven an Indy car, nor turned a competitive lap on an oval. There are no such tracks in Formula One. And while the cars may look similar at first glance, an Indy car and a Formula One car have little in common. It would be like comparing a Yugo to, well, a Ferrari.

Because of the considerable differences between the two series, McLaren partnered with Andretti Autosport, one of IndyCar’s topflight organizations and also backed by Honda, to lead the venture. That union has placed Alonso in an ideal position with a team well suited to helping drivers with limited seat time in an Indy car get up to speed quickly.

In 2014, full-time NASCAR driver Kurt Busch decided to become the fourth driver to attempt “The Double” — running both the Indianapolis 500 and Coca-Cola 600 on the same day. On the Indy car side, the 2012 Cup Series champion joined Andretti Autosport, owned by former IndyCar Series champion Michael Andretti, son of Mario Andretti. Although he had never raced open-wheel cars previously, Busch finished sixth.

“Michael Andretti is prepared as well as you possibly can be,” Busch told SB Nation. “He’s brings five cars to Indianapolis and he uses that fifth seat to bring in drivers like myself, (Alexander) Rossi, and Alonso a chance to have a world-class ride at the Indy 500. It really works well in so many different ways.”

Last year, Rossi, who tired of struggling to land a competitive Formula One ride, signed with Andretti Autosport to run the entire IndyCar schedule. Like Alonso, Rossi’s had never raced an open-wheel car on an oval before the transition. Unlike Alonso, Rossi did gain some experience when he raced on the one-mile Phoenix International Raceway a month prior to Indianapolis.

“I think this is the one race you go into where you actually don't have a plan.” — Alexander Rossi

But largely Rossi had a lot to learn when he showed up at the historic track constructed in 1909. Yet just as it did with Busch, the Andretti group worked with the American to get him acclimated. On race day, Rossi exercised patience and smarts while his team devised a strategy that climaxed with a surprising victory, Andretti’s fourth Indianapolis 500 win overall.

“I think this is the one race you go into where you actually don't have a plan, you kind of just roll with it,” Rossi said. “It's just about taking it one lap at a time and executing each of those laps. And then your plan kind of comes into play in the last 20, 25 laps if you're in the front, and then you start to have a process that you go through.”

By any measure, Alonso’s abilities supersede those of Busch and Rossi.

Not surprising considering his skill level, nothing about Alonso’s performance thus far suggests that of a rookie. There have been no bobbles on the track where he appeared out of his element. Not a single instance to cause one to think maybe jumping into the deep end of the Indy car pool may have been impetuous.

The only blemish, if you even want to call it that, came during the final laps of his Rookie Orientation Program where Alonso struck not one, but two birds while at speed. Otherwise, he’s exceeded all expectations.

Throughout practice, Alonso’s been a fixture near the top of the leaderboard. In qualifying his four-lap average speed of 231.300 mph places him fifth on the grid Sunday. Ahead of such stalwarts like Tony Kanaan (qualified seventh), Juan Pablo Montoya (18th), and Helio Castroneves (19th), all of whom are former race winners.

“At the end of the day, the big thing is just the race itself and the competition remains very similar,” Alonso said. “We are all here to race hard and to compete and try to be faster than any other guy out there.”

Now, a whole new set of challenges awaits. Whereas Busch had familiarity on the Indianapolis oval — albeit in a stock car — and Rossi had raced at Phoenix, Alonso’s first oval test in race conditions will be Sunday.

From his own experience, Busch says there will be various moments during the 500-miler where Alonso will feel quite comfortable — especially in the early stages when the field tends to sort out with drivers more apt to race conservatively.

“We are all here to race hard and to compete and try to be faster than any other guy out there.” — Fernando Alonso

“I got to halfway in that race, Lap 100, and I said to myself, ‘This is all the experience I’m going to be able to gain. I’m going to have to cash it in now. Let’s go,’” Busch said. “I continued to keep learning and feeling out the draft. I was making a few passes at that point. Then it just seemed to click when I was in a long green-flag run.”

There is also the matter of traffic and how Alonso handles maneuvering around others cars. Indianapolis is a narrow track, which accompanied with the high speeds, doesn’t leave a lot of room for forgiveness.

“Learning how the car reacts in the draft and in dirty air is tough, and that will be a tough spot for Fernando to learn as well,” Busch said. “How stable and unstable [the cars] are in certain situations.”

Every indication is Alonso will adapt similarly like Busch and Rossi — if not even better.

“Obviously, he’s very accomplished,” said pole-sitter Scott Dixon, himself a former race winner. “We’ve seen many rookies win here in the first go and he’s with one hell of a team. I think he’s got a fantastic shot.”