#maybe try learning a bit about women for a change?

[sierrale8ne]

AMERICAN WEDDING 001. THE WIN you’ll probably leave later anyways, that’s love made in the usa. pairing paige bueckers x black!oc ( kayden kennedy ) warnings 3.7k words, flashback, brief mentions of homophobia lena talks chapter one finally here! enjoy, more coming soon xx

present day april 2025

When Kayden Kennedy was nine, she sat on her fathers lap on a plane ride to Kolkata. She looked over the water, wondering to herself why there was so much ocean. A year later, it was Baghdad, then Istanbul. She couldn’t remember a solid second where she wasn’t moving— where she wasn’t running off and following her father on the journey of his career.

It’s where she grew her love for history.

The large statues, the Seven Wonders of The World, the history. Many would see these places and be star-struck, amazed by the beauty in front of them. But Kayden was different, she was delighted by the how. How did these people get here, how were they brought up, how did they believe that this— this pyramid or this ancient pot— was a symbol of their culture. As she grew older it developed into why they were colonized. And then as she really learned the meaning of the word war, why did these people fight back. Or even, why did they give up.

The rich history of the world interested her always. Like this morning. 

She had woken up at six. The gym waited for her at seven-thirty, where she very attentively listened to an NPR podcast about the tragedies in Gaza. When she got home—nine-thirty on the dot— she changed, showered, ate her breakfast of toast and avocado and sausage while reading The Women by Kristen Hannah. 

By 11 she was cleaning the kitchen and at one she was seated on her couch, laptop open as she began to grade the last of her student’s fourth quarter projects: The Mexican-American War.

Kayden would like to think it wasn’t on purpose, how her job seemingly found its way into every aspect of her life when she wasn’t even trying. But then again, she sought out the knowledge. She wanted to grow her brain, fill it with as much information as she could until she was like a human encyclopedia. Which in all honesty she was, thanks to her eidetic memory.

But something about knowing everything and yet still knowing nothing at all excited her, as nerdy as it seemed. It allowed her to imagine another universe where things changed, where lives could be different.

Like how maybe, in another life, she’s watching her ex girlfriend play in person, and not on the comfort of her couch.

In a strange turn of events, the once persistent and completely attentive Kayden was distracted by something greater. Something heavier that weighed on her moral scale. Something she couldn’t quite name, but could feel on her chest. Almost like a boulder.

Kayden pushed buttons, almost like a second nature. 

Guide. Channels. ABC. 2025 NCAA Women’s tournament championship game.

Kayden had watched here and there. The burn of the bold UCONN letters ate her alive from time to time. She should’ve been there. In the stands cheering or in the library helping Paige study. That was the plan. Their plan. 

There were times when she let her mind wonder. To how Paige was doing, or if she’d thought about her as much as Kayden tended to think about her. When Paige got injured sophomore year, Kayden had hurt a bit. And when she tore her ACL she wanted to wrap Paige in her arms like when they were young and just tell her that it would be okay. 

She’d never say it out loud, though.

Kayden watched the whole game. Not missing a second. She felt like a high school student again, forced between a sweaty guy who didn’t care and a sweatier one who cared way too much. 

She saved face. Never faltering with a smile or a loud cheer. More for herself than anyone else (as she was alone in her apartment).

A Google Slides presentation is open on the coffee table in front of her, red pen balanced on top, forgotten. Because this, this is way more important. Even if she promised for these grades to be finalized by the start of class tomorrow. Paige, who’s having just a bit of an off shooting game, is playing in a game that could define the rest of her career and that just just occupies a larger place in her brain than James Polk and Ulysses S. Grant. 

So Kayden curled up on the couch in an oversized hoodie, her glasses slipping a little down her nose. A bottle of water sweats on the side table. And the game should make her sweat too but she couldn’t. Not even close.

By the start of the fourth quarter– the one of the game she’s been pretending not to watch, but has been glued to for the last hour– the Huskies are leading by 22. Paige’s teammates are killing it. A Sarah Strong layup here, an Azzi Fudd three there (which she does cheer for because she remembers talking to the girl about this dream in hotel room in 2018).

And then she hears the broadcast loud and clear. “Bueckers back door… puts it in! Plus the foul! It’s raining blue in Tampa.” Kayden’s eyes snap to the screen. Her breath catches.

Not because of her name, or even the fact that she just contorted her body and got the bucket. 

But the weight of this, the impending win. The fact that the woman she’d once married, is about to have her dreams come true all these years later, just makes Kayden’s heart swell a bit more. Beat a bit faster. 

The screen flashes in slow motion: celebrating fans, screaming teammates, Paige on the floor with a grin that hasn’t changed in five years. Kayden doesn’t smile. She exhales like she’s been holding that breath since the day she walked out.

flashback july 2019

My hands fumble with my phone, simultaneously trying to slip my feet into the confines of my black Doc Martens. My socks stick out loosely, white, frills on the edges. Just enough innocence to really make the moment. 

pb 🪼 I’m down the street Hurry before your mom starts asking questions

At that, I scramble. Pen, check. Change of clothes, check. Proper lie shoved into my back pocket, double check. I brush over my skirt, tugging down the hem of my tight white shirt in an attempt to cover the tiny stick and poke tattoo that came from drunk dares and an adventurous summer evening with Paige and Jalen.

k 🔐 coming!

I shove open my bedroom door, shoes heavy against the hardwood floor. The summer sun spills in against the grain, soft breeze blowing through the curtains. It’s beautiful, which only makes me speed up to get outside to an impossibly more beautiful girl. The kitchen smells like burnt coffee and lemon-scented cleaner, which makes me all the more excited to get out into the real world outside of this house.

“Where you headed?” 

My mom Marianne’s voice cuts in through the hum of the kitchen. She sits on the couch, legs outstretched with reading glasses perched on her nose and a book resting in her lap. She doesn’t look up, her voice doesn’t even have its usual lilt to it. And I know I’m in the clear.

“The Lake. Then Lauren’s house.” I lie, only partially though, because going to Paige’s cousin’s house after was part of our well thought out plan.

She hums, eyes glued to the book. “You sure that’s a good idea? I heard it was supposed to rain.” That’s code for Marianne Kennedy doesn’t want her daughter to go out at all. She’d rather I stay home where she can monitor me.

My voice trembles in the way that it does when I know I’m about to lie to her. “It’s fine. Paige is picking me up. She thinks we can beat it.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.

“Boys gonna be there?” She asks.

Her voice is filled with something else, and I know exactly what she means. She’s really asking if I'm hanging out with the only girl my age that the entire neighborhood knows is gay, or can she feel comfortable knowing that I’ll talk to a boy here and there. But she’d never say that outright, no, because my mother has an image to uphold. So she’ll ask it like that, and then throw a diss in a few seconds. 

You know, the usual lowkey homophobia.

“Yeah. Jalen and Chet are going, and some other guys in my homeroom too.” I continue. It’s the half truth. There might be boys somewhere, though I’m hoping to get married and dip before they get there. I’m not that interested in sticking around long enough to find out. My eyes dart out the window, seeing the blonde’s beat up red Cadillac sit parked against the sidewalk. 

Mom hums again, thoughtfully this time. Like she herself is thinking about whether or not she believes me or not. “Not that I’m worried about boys, with Paige around.” There it is, that diss I could feel coming like a spidey-sense of mine. I was a superhero, fighting off homophobia one mom at a time. “That girl’s always been… a little wild, no?”

Her words make me flinch and I get defensive fast. Like mom is a girl at school throwing darts and looking to hurt the one person who seems to understand me better than I try to understand myself.

“She’s just not fake.” I say.

I watch my mom put the book face down in her lap, interlocking her fingers to look at me. She’s so blinded by hate that she can’t even notice my choice of attire is ill-fitting for the lake. “There’s a difference between being real and being lost, Kayden.” 

“Ma, I—”

“You’re not like her. I raised you better than that.” She raises an eyebrow. Using that damn code language of hers to say check yourself.

My stomach knots. I shift my bag higher onto my shoulder, needing to move, needing to get out of here before I let her words break me and I crack. Paige is outside with a wedding license in hand and I’m here listening to my mother call her all the underlying homophobic names in the book.

I get quiet. “We’re just friends. I have to go.”

“Good.” Mom nods, flipping the book back around. “You’re a good girl. Don’t let anyone confuse you about that.” She says and I dart for the door handle. I grab my house keys from the hook, bidding her a goodbye like she didn’t just stab me and twist the knife.

The car ride was silent—talking wise. Lil Baby blasts from the speaker and the wind rushes in and out of the car so fast I feel like I’m free flying through the air.

Paige sat next to me, her hand occasionally brushing against my knee as if she wanted to see if I was still there. If I was still in it. I was. Who was I kidding? It’s the girl of my dreams sitting next to me with the brightest light in her blue eyes and the biggest smile, probably bigger than the one she shot me after winning state this year. 

She’s calm, like this isn’t the craziest idea in the world. Which in turn makes me calm, makes me throw everything that happened with my mom an hour ago out the window.

But now, sunlight flashes across the tile and I stand awkwardly against the wall. A courtroom clerk in front of me. The room is smaller than I thought it would be. Which is crazy considering the biggest event of my young 17 year old life is taking place here. 

She notices, she always does. Her keys hang from the pocket of her shorts. The marriage license folded clean in half on the other hand. 

“You sure about this?” Paige asks, her back pressing against the wall, shoulder snug against mine. She’s warm with the kind of heat that feels like she could set me on fire. 

I huff. “We’ve already driven this far. Lied to our parents.” The series of events bats around in my head. Then I look over to her, as calm as could be. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time Paige let me see her be even just a bit nervous. She’s always walking around with that attitude and confidence that made it seem like the world was hers.

She stares straight ahead, branding the courtroom into her brain. “Baby, I don’t wanna… force you into anything. If you wanna go home, tell me. We can get ice cream on the way back or something.” Paige rations trying to help me make sense of it all. It makes me laugh when I think about the cliche; I help her make sense of the real textbook stuff and she helps me when it comes to all the other impulsive things.

“Then we’d have to tell people we just talked about it. This is way more dramatic.” I joke, peering up at the 6’0 athlete with wide eyes and a grin. “I want to do this. Especially with you.” I admit. The clerk digs his eyes at the both of us. I can assume he’s thinking of how much he’s not getting paid enough to entertain two 17 year old girls with a marriage license.

I grab her hand, dragging us to the clerk. Adrenaline runs through my veins like a fire. Paige slides the sheet over the counter, and he looks over it all disinterested but prepared to let us go through with it anyway. 

“Sign here.” He orders, flipping the sheet over like it means nothing. 

I look up at my girlfriend, suddenly realizing that after this I get to call Paige Bueckers my wife. I’ll slide a cheap thrifted ring on her finger and then go to college with her in a year from now. It’s all going to happen the way we planned it. 

So I reach into my bag for the black pen I had brought from my stationary. My hand trembles slightly, everyday handwriting coming in a bit rough as the weight of it settles in my chest like something permanent. Then I hand it to Paige, who’s full of no nerves and a simple confidence to her. 

She takes it before looking down at me. “You sure you’re not gonna chicken out?” Paige had asked, half-grinning, half-terrified— but she’d never let me know that.

I squeezed her hand, grinning back. “I want to be yours.” I didn’t say forever — we didn’t talk about the future much. It was too scary. Too far away. Too… uncertain. Especially with a meddling mom and a girl who might love basketball more than her gir—wife.

The clerk speaks again in his low monotone. “By the authority vested in me by the state of Minnesota, I pronounce you wife and wife.” He stamps the sheet lazily, handing it over to Paige again and right then it hits me like a blow. I was really married.

To her.

And then she kisses me, slow and breathless, like she’s never done it before. She didn’t care about the eyes, and the feeling of her hands on my cheeks stopped me from caring either. My nose brushes against hers as Paige pulls back first, forehead pressed to mine.

“I—I have um. This.” I hold the ring box in my hand, square and suede. It’s a bit dirty from years of it belonging to someone else. But, I don’t care. The box cracks open under my pressure, the dull silver still gleaming in the light. “I figured rings make this, y’know. Official.” I stutter, sliding the ring onto Paige’s finger without hesitation.

“You’re really doing this with me?” Paige asks, her voice so small it almost broke my heart if she wasn’t so perfect.

I nodded. “Always.” 

“Good. Because I got you one too. It’s in the car.”

Later, after she put a pandora ring that she’d spent all her summer savings on, on my finger. We drove like nothing happened. Like we didn’t just make a lifelong commitment. Like my mom wasn’t at home praying that the reality of sin didn’t brush onto me from her. 

We split cash on Ice cream, her dad sent her some money for gas. Everything was perfect. Even the cicadas that screamed in our ears as Paige drove down the straight road. 

Lauren’s house came into view over the hills. The neighborhood was empty enough for us to pull in unnoticed. So Paige parks at the field a block behind the house, climbing into the trunk of the car and pushing the seats back to watch the stars come out. 

It’s where we sit now.

She manipulates her long legs so she fits perfectly. I fit into the curve of her body, my skirt occasionally brushing up in the late night breeze. Paige’s fingers trace lazy shapes over my shoulder.

The stars are bright tonight, twinkling like precious diamonds in rubble. I look over my shoulder at Paige, at how you can see the occasional gleam across her irises.

“Paige?” 

She blinks languidly, the deep brown of her lashes brush over the apples of her cheeks. Dusting them like a thousand little paint brushes. 

“Yeah, baby?” She responds. Voice as deep as a teenage girl could really have. It’s sultry, but full of that kind of love and energy I’ve been subjected to since we were younger.

“You think we’re gonna regret it?” I ask, half-asleep, voice thick with warmth.

Paige had smiled into my skin. “Maybe. Probably. Who cares? At least I’m doin’ it with you, right?” She hums. 

And then, as if nothing else in the world exists, she kisses me again. Softer. Quicker. For the hundredth time today. I smile, against her lips, laughter spilling between us like a river flow. 

Young. Dumb. Untouchable. And for a while, it felt like the whole world really did belong to us and no one else.

present day april 2025

Kayden’s chest ached with the memory of the past and the imagination of a different one too.

Her laptop had been pushed off to the side alongside stacks of rubrics, messily marked and written on—she'd been prepared to be completely focused, but she wasn’t ready for how long it would really take.

Or how easily she would get distracted.

The channel had only been changed once from ABC to SportsCenter. She sat frozen on her couch, the championship celebration playing out in front of her. Without her.

Paige was in the middle of it all — standing on the black platform, hat on her head and shirt hugging her damp and sweaty arms. The confetti stuck to her hair and skin, glittering like stars against her blonde. She was beaming, electric, so full of life that Kayden felt her own chest hollow out just watching her.

Kayden should have looked away. Should have turned the TV off and finished grading papers like a normal person who didn’t still orbit around a girl she hadn’t touched in five years. Oh but no. She stayed.

She watched as Paige ducked into a hug with her coach as emotional as she’s ever seen her, doing the same with every assistant, every trainer, every teammate. Paige beelined straight for the sidelines, arms open for the family members swarming the court.

Kayden watched, and a stupid, heavy ache twisted low in her stomach.

She couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t explain why she still felt this way — tethered, glued to Paige’s happiness like it had anything to do with her anymore. Which it didn’t. Paige had outgrown the small-town dreams they’d once whispered to each other in the dark. She had built a life bigger and better than anything they ever dared to plan. By the looks of it, she also had someone else to celebrate it with. Azzi. By her side, and grinning the whole time as Paige celebrated a little too hard for national television.

Kayden should have been nothing more than a footnote. A “remember when” if she even crossed Paige’s mind at all.

But sitting there in the flickering blue light, watching Paige take the mic for the post-game interview, Kayden knew the truth she’d never managed to choke down: she really really missed her.

Not all the time, not like an open wound anymore — but here and there, in the quiet spaces. In the slow Sunday mornings and empty passenger seats and songs on the radio that pulled her back without warning. Kayden missed Paige a year ago when she was moving to Dallas, emptying her college apartment, and seeing the ring in the same box it was given to her five years ago. 

She missed her when she saw two girls holding hands without fear. When she heard laughter in the breeze that sounded like the kind they used to share.

But more than anything she missed Paige now. Worse than she had in a long time.

On screen, Paige was laughing through tears, her voice still a little hoarse from shouting and ungodly amounts of celebration, when the reporter asked what she’d tell her younger self. Kayden leaned in without thinking, like the answer mattered more than it should.

“I’d tell her to hold on,” Paige said, smiling. “And trust that even the stupid stuff or the little things might matter more than she thinks.” The words that were simple, obvious even, landed like a punch straight to Kayden’s ribs.

She shut the TV off mid-response, plunging the room into thick, echoing silence.

Kayden stayed there for a long time, staring into the blank screen, the ghost of Paige’s smile burned into her mind.

Still married, a small voice inside her said.

Still hers, if she wanted to be.

Kayden buried her face in her hands, realizing that no matter what; that wasn’t her life anymore. It couldn’t be. And it was no one’s fault but her own. Maybe if she wasn’t so listening, so scared, so uniquely Kayden Kennedy. 

And yet, somewhere deep inside he — in the parts she’d spent five years trying to bury— she wondered if Paige had ever missed her too.

🔖 @thaatdigitaldiary @bueckersbitch @pboogerswbb @xxloveralways14 @ykylalex @ohmybueckers @avvwritesstufff @flipthepaige @cherryswisherz @lupinqs @vamptizm @bueckers555 @omg-imtumbling @courtsidewithlani @mariahthealchemist @authentic-girl03 @kissamiyahh @rebecca-woso @angryflowerwitch @rhianthebest @paigebaby5 @rishofkf @xoxosierralane @urantisocialgay @issilovesherself @your-local-bi-panic @nicebellee @elalfywhore @cowboybueckers

[bethanydelleman]

Modern medicine today: we diagnose men 4x faster than women with the same disease and we can only estimate baby size with an error of about 1.5 pounds (that's a massive margin since most babies weigh like 6 pounds)

Star Wars medicine: we can save a man from dismemberment and body-covering burns but this woman is dying in childbirth and we have no ideas.

Yeah, sorry, it checks out.

[isuggestforcefem]

What I'm about to say is going to sound absolutely fucking insane but I need someone to hear me out on this one and unfortunately you are that person. Delete this if you want but I need someone to know what was revealed to me via divine intervention. This is gonna be a long one

I, as a cis boy, think the optimal strategy is to transition into a femme-presenting trans man or a lesboy or whatever you want to call it.

Now, you may be thinking, "what the fuck????" That's fair. I'm gonna try and break it down for you anyway.

I don't see anything wrong with being a boy. I'm fine as it is. However, I think being a girl could potentially be neat. So I transition into a girl, get estrogen and bottom surgery and whatnot, and bada-bing, bada-boom.

However, I can already convincingly pass as a girl. My voice is pretty androgynous and I have what some would consider a feminine build. Narrow shoulders, long hair, the works. I could still easily go by he/him even if I took estrogen because I'm already pretty androgynous.

"Why transition in the first place?" you might be asking, and I have a very simple reason for this. I want to be a lesbian. I literally cannot picture myself to be intimate with a woman as a man, and I've learned a lot about dating women from the best: lesbians. I want to follow in their footsteps and idolize women in sapphic doodles like the many lesbians before me. I also think I'm overdue for a much-needed hardware update.

Now, why would I still want to pass as a man? Well, as much as I love boobs, I don't think they suit me. Maybe a little bit, but I don't want em too big, y'know? It would also make most social interactions unchanged. I'm still just some guy. I like that energy about me. Also I got some pretty conservative family members. As long as they aren't trying to pull down my pants, I'd still be the same person to them. I'd still be the same person to me, too. I also wouldn't have to change clothes. I already wear what some might mistake for a dysphoria hoodie because it's a pretty thick and large jacket. But I am not giving up those pockets for shit. Also I don't think my skull shape passes too well? It kinda does but in an uncanny valley kinda way. My face can pass but I'm not 100% on the skull.

And, even if I transition, I can still be forcefemmed, but now with so many different layers. I'd still have that femmable egg energy. I could make the detrans kink gender-affirming. I'm still a boymoding trans girl, which is like one of the prime targets from what I've gathered (mainly from this blog). There's so many layers to it, so many things that could be done. I'm starting to think this section is a little too horny for this blog. I can't really tell.

I have contemplated this for roughly six hours and this is what I have. This solution satisfies all the conflicting ideals I have about being trans. I don't think it'd fix transphobia or anything, but I'd probably end up meeting one bigot who thinks I'm trans anyway so I might as well, eh?

Well, I guess I do still have a few problems, such as actually having to care about my looks, the expenses, shaving, ect. But other than that I'd say it's pretty airtight. This might be the new meta

Eggs are inventing new ways to be eggs in my dms I see

[wandaslittlelove]

Freak

Pairing: Agathario x Daughter!Reader Warnings: Mentions of bullying

“Mama? Mami?” the six year old calls out into the dark bedroom. It was about midnight. The moon shining through the cracks of the blinds. The girl had been put to bed hours ago but had woken up a little bit ago. Agatha wakes to her arm being shaken. She quickly turns on the small bedside lamp as she takes the small girl into her arms. Rio wakes at the movement having never been a light sleeper.

“Niña?” Rio says softly as she looks over to see her daughter in her wife's arms. There are small tears running down your cheeks as you look over at your mami. 

“Am I a freak?” Both women are taken back by your question looking at each other to see if they knew what you were talking about. They were both fully awake now Rio reaching out to brush your hair from your face and the tears from your eyes as Agatha gently rocked you.

“No baby no. Why would you think that?” Agatha asks as her hands rub up and down your back.

“The girls at school. They say that I’m a freak because of how I look because-” You pause in your sentence as you look up at Rio and immediately she understands what you mean. You had taken most of Agatha’s features. Your hair being a wavy brown and eyes a baby blue. Head to two you were like a mini version of her all except one aspect. You hadn’t learned to control the transformation yet. How to stop the bones that appeared out of nowhere. Out of all things Rio wished you wouldn’t have gotten that part of her. “They say I'm disgusting. That I shouldn’t be alive.” You whisper as you bury your face in your mama’s chest. 

“My darling, you are not disgusting or a freak, you are beautiful.” Agatha speaks as she looks to Rio. She can tell that her mind is racing. That she’s blaming herself. They had always feared you would get made fun of for it. Rio feared you would grow to despise her for it. That you would blame her for not being able to be fully normal. It’s part of the reason they had enrolled you in a school specifically for witches. They thought that maybe the kids would go easier. But it seemed that wasn’t happening.

“Do you think mami is a freak?” Agatha asks, causing both of your heads to turn at her wide eyed.

“No! Of course not.” You answered quickly as your head turned to look at Rio. Your tiny hands reached for her. Trying to show you didn’t think that. “Mami is pretty.” Rio’s heart melts at your words.

“Rio shows her.” Agatha says and Rio knows immediately what she’s asking. Rio had only shown you her true form a handful of times. Scared that you would think she’s a monster. With a deep breath the bottom part of her face turns into bone.

“Do you still think Mami is pretty?” Rio waits silently. Her nerves grow but quickly melt the second you bring a hand up to touch the bone.

“Yes.” You answer with no hesitation. Rio takes your hand in hers holding it tightly before changing back and pressing a kiss to your hand.

t

“That’s right. Mami is beautiful even when she looks like a skeleton and you my love are too. If mami is beautiful then so are you because you look like her. My skeletons.” A laugh escapes your lips at your mama’s words. Rio shares a smile with you both before a smirk overtakes her features. Moving quickly she plucks you out of Agatha’s lap and lays down with you trapped in her arms. Agatha joins in quickly, her hands tickling you as you squirm and try to get free.

Tomorrow they would have a talk with your principal and find out who was saying this stuff to you. Tomorrow they would continue to remind you that you are beautiful and loved. 

[therealsaintscully]

The year is 2025, and here I am, still very troubled about BBC Sherlock. Now, it's been a while since I wrote any Sherlock meta, but there's something that's been bugging me, and I’d love to get people’s input and thoughts.

I'm a screenwriter—not a professional one, but an autodidact. I haven’t had anything produced, but I have written several original screenplays. One of the most basic things you learn as a writer in general, and especially in screenwriting, is the concept of the character arc. It’s the art of starting a character off as one thing, taking them through a process of deconstruction or challenge, and letting them emerge as something different.

An exercise I enjoy is watching films or TV shows and analysing a character’s arc. I try to spot hints of how a character will change by the end of an episode, a season, or the entire series. That’s part of why I particularly love Michael Schur’s shows—Parks and Recreation, The Office, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. In the Michael Schur universe, character arcs are blatantly laid out for you in the pilot episode. There’s absolutely no need to philosophize or guess: the characters often state it themselves, or it’s clearly expressed through others.

Take, for example, Michael Scott.

In the Office pilot, he’s genuinely a terrible boss and a trashcan of a person. But we’re immediately shown his arc via one simple prop: a coffee mug. “World’s Best Boss.” That’s his journey—to become that boss, if not in the world, then at least in Dunder Mifflin.

Or take Jake Peralta. In B99’s pilot, Terry introduces the squad to Captain Holt with:

“Jacob Peralta is my best detective — he likes putting away bad guys, and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn’t solved… is how to grow up.”

From that alone, you know where Jake is headed. By the end of the show, he’ll still be the squad’s best detective, but he’ll also be a grown-up: a dad, a partner, someone who takes his job seriously and earns the respect of his captain.

In the Parks and Rec original pilot script, Leslie outright declares that she’ll be America’s first female president. In the aired pilot, the message is softened a bit when Leslie says:

“You know, government isn’t just a boy’s club anymore. Women are everywhere. It’s a great time to be a woman in politics. Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, me.”

There it is: Leslie’s arc will involve her rising through the boys’ club of American politics and becoming a truly great public servant (and maybe—even if it’s never clearly stated—the first female president).

So now that I’ve set the scene a bit—understanding how a character arc is seeded in a pilot—let’s talk about Sherlock.

What are we told about John and Sherlock in the pilot that sets up their character arcs?

Let’s start with Sherlock, because that one is spoon-fed to the audience—by none other than Lestrade. In response to John’s question, “Why do you put up with him?”, Lestrade says:

“Because Sherlock Holmes is a great man. And I think, one day, if we’re very, very lucky, he might even be a good one.”

That’s it. That’s Sherlock’s arc. The writers are telling us outright: here’s a brilliant but emotionally disconnected man. And the journey ahead of him isn’t about intellect, but about goodness. About connection, humanity, compassion. Becoming not just great, but good. And, if I might add a bit of Johnlock, not just to anyone—but through John, with John, and ultimately because of John.

Now, John’s arc is a little less obvious in my opinion, though just as important—and it’s given to us by Mycroft, who says:

“You’re not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson—you miss it.”

To me, this says: here is a traumatized soldier who never fully came back from war. He’s unmoored, disconnected, half-alive. "Nothing ever happens to me." And the arc we should expect? A man who, over time, things happen to him and he finds peace. Who finds meaning in his civilian life—back in London, in friendship, in purpose, in (perhaps) love. Who, by the end of the series, no longer misses the war.

That’s the setup. That’s what we were promised. Or at the very least, that's what I feel I was promised.

Only… whatever I feel was promised never actually happened.

In fact, Sherlock ends up delivering the complete opposite. In Seasons 3 and 4, the show leans into Sherlock as a mythic, near-supernatural figure—the “adult who never was a child.” This directly contradicts the idea of humanising him. The sudden introduction of Eurus shifts the focus from internal growth to external spectacle. His evolution becomes a reaction to trauma, not a conscious transformation toward goodness.

By the end of The Lying Detective, Sherlock is still fundamentally isolated and emotionally unavailable. Despite supposedly learning to “connect,” he doesn’t share emotionally in any meaningful way—not with John, not with Eurus, not with Molly. The “I love you” scene is a puzzle to be solved, not a moment of genuine vulnerability. John and Sherlock’s confrontation at the end of TLD achieves absolutely nothing in terms of their openness or intimacy.

Sherlock's arc—of becoming a good man—is never achieved. Now, we can argue about that, because Sherlock is a softie at times. He is kind. And don’t get me wrong—when Michael Scott leaves Dunder Mifflin, he’s by no means a perfect boss. But he’s loved by Pam, he’s missed by Jim, and the Dunder Mifflin team has learned to respect him in their own way.

I know some of you are itching to shout that Sherlock's arc won't be complete without S5 and in theory, I agree! But! Lest we forget, Lestrade’s “prophecy” (supposedly) comes full circle in The Final Problem:

"No, he’s better than that. He’s a good one."

This, supposedly, is the great moment of The Payoff. Here stands Sherlock, A Good Man™.

Which… always makes me scratch my head.

Is he, Lestrade? Really? What is it, exactly, in those last few days that convinces you of that? What moment between The Six Thatchers and The Final Problem gives you that impression?

Nothing. Really—nothing. This, for me, is absolutely zero character arc payoff.

Now, what about John—who was supposed to come back from the war, or at most, get his adrenaline kicks chasing criminals with Sherlock through the streets of London?

Mary’s death completely hijacks John's growth as a character. Rather than showing John finding stability in his marriage and family (or with Sherlock, in whatever shape that takes), the show strips it all away. And worse, it distances him from Sherlock once more—throwing him into another spiral of guilt and rage, effectively rebooting his trauma rather than resolving it.

The finale gives John no closure. We don’t know where John is emotionally by the end of The Final Problem. Is he at peace? Are we supposed to believe that a happy montage fixes everything? Does he still crave danger? Does he still feel violent impulses toward Sherlock?

I can’t even begin to think when or how Mycroft’s seed of John’s arc—“you miss the war”—comes full circle in The Final Problem. Unlike Lestrade’s line about Sherlock, there’s nothing that brings that theme to any kind of resolution. It’s as though Moftiss forgot to give John a conclusion altogether.

I’ve sometimes wondered if Sherlock’s words to John in TLD—“We might all just be human”—were meant to gesture at John’s arc. But… why would it?

John never struggled to understand that he was human. That wasn’t his arc. That wasn’t his flaw. He knew he was human and he always craved for that humanity from Sherlock. So what, then, was that line supposed to resolve?

I can play devil's advocate here. Character arcs can be negative. A character doesn't always have to have a happy ending, and had Moftiss boldly done that, I would have appreciated it. But they hadn't- they give us a weird ass montage with John and Sherlock happily giggling at Rosie. It's just feels like there's absolutely no conclusion for John, whether negative or positive.

Adding insult to injury, Mary’s 'speech' during the final montage is actually dismissive of their "growth":

“There are two men sitting arguing in a scruffy flat. Like they’ve always been there, and always will.”

Which completely negates the idea that they’ve changed. At that point, they’re not like they’ve always been. John's quite possibly worse than when we met him.

“The best and wisest men I have ever known.”

Again—what’s with the John erasure? Let’s say, for the sake of argument, Sherlock is better now—what makes him wise? And John’s arc was never about becoming wise, so what does that even mean?

“My Baker Street boys.”

Are they? Are they still the Baker Street boys (I hate that nickname)? We’re never told if John and Rosie move back in. In fact, in a Q&A Moftiss declare John does not return to Baker Street.

And that’s just it, isn’t it?

The Final Problem finale doesn’t fail because it was mysterious or ambiguous or hilariously bad or tragic. It fails because it abandons the emotional contract it made with its viewers in the very first episode. It forgets the arcs it promised, the healing it hinted at, the people these characters were meant to become.

We didn't need a happy ending. But we did need a real one.

[bloodibambiidoll]

† Pray To Me †

♱ Kinktober Day 1 ⟢ Rafe Cameron ⟢ Priest/Corruption ♱

Warnings: Sacrilegion all over the place, nun!reader, improper use of a crucifix and rosary, face fucking, spanking, cum licking, unprotected sex, choking, a lil bit of blood, biting, spit kink, corruption 18+MNDI

Rafe was damn near possessed by you. Ever since you arrived at the covent you were all he could think about and watching you take your vows only made him want you more. You weren’t like the other nuns who surrounded him. They were either all doe eyed virgins who followed his word as if he were god himself or elderly women who haven’t been touched in so long they got flustered every time he licked his lips or smirked at them. All of them wanted to fuck him and several of them have. Rafe knows he’s a shit priest, probably even a shit person. If the sick satisfaction he feels from making a woman who vowed herself to god and only god kneel before him with his cock down her throat is anything to go by. Every single woman, and even some men in this church throw themselves at Rafe’s feet, all except you.

No matter how hard he tries to get you to warm up to him or even just smile and talk to him in any semblance of a friendly tone his efforts are fruitless. You were always glaring at him when he spoke with this look in your eyes like you couldn’t wait for him to shut the fuck up. You weren’t ever straight up rude because that would be inappropriate but your voice was always monotone and you never gave him more than one or two word responses. And Rafe knows for a fact that’s not just how you are because he’s seen you laughing with the other nuns and you give the other priests friendly smiles. It was only him you treated this way and it was about damn time he found out why.

You never took confessional with Rafe because you specifically requested that he never be the one on the other side of that wall but he knows for a fact you always go on Monday nights. Almost like you’re starting the week with washing yourself of your sins.

He has no idea what those sins are though. You showed up a few months ago and didn’t say much about your past, just that your mother’s dying wish was that you follow in her footsteps and take your vows. He has no idea who you were before that. He doesn’t even know what your hair looks like aside from the tiniest strand that slipped out of your coif once. If he hadn’t honed it on it seconds before you tucked it away he still wouldn’t even know what color it was. So he decides to take matters into his own hands and give Father Daniels the evening off. Maybe you’ll even say something about why you hate him so much. Either way he can’t wait to learn literally anything about you, anything he could use in his favor.

You feel like you are going insane. You have this itch that you feel like you’ll never scratch. And that itches name is Father Rafe Cameron. You came here after your mother’s death fully prepared to give up all your worldly possessions, swear off men, and follow whatever path god had laid out for you. You weren’t a virgin by any means. The life you lived before this was filled with sex, drugs and chaos. But as your poor mother who always tried her best despite the fact that you never saw eye to eye lay dying she begged you to take your vows. Just like she did after you were born, after all your so-called father put her through. You rejected this notion your entire life. You dyed your hair and got tattoos in your friends living rooms. Screamed at your mom every Sunday when she tried to get you to go to church with her. You left as soon as you were eighteen and hardly ever visited. But something about the way she seemed so at peace, so happy to go and be with her god, and the love in her eyes as the light left them had you changing your mind. You don’t agree with a lot of the bullshit the church spews but you’re still trying your best to follow your vows without also losing your morals and sense of self entirely but this man is making it damn near impossible.

Rafe is for lack of better words, infuriatingly gorgeous. His dirty blonde hair is always slicked back to perfection, showing off his striking blue eyes and beautifully refined bone structure. His large frame filled out the black slacks and button up shirt he wore deliciously, his Roman collar hugging his throat. The way his big hands gripped the Bible while he read scripture and each time he licked the tips of his fingers before turning the page you had to clench your thighs. The way that he walked around like he was god himself, flirting with everyone in sight while looking down at them as if he could read their impure thoughts about him. It all was just leading you further and further down the path of sin.

Rafe had every single person in the covent wrapped around his finger. But it wasn’t out of respect, no. They either feared him or wanted him. You’ve heard through the grapevine that several of your sisters have indulged in the sins of the flesh due to him and you can’t say you blame them. But you don’t want to just indulge in him, you want to drown in him utterly and completely. Devote your blood and your life to him. And you know he wants you too. He’s basically told you that he would burn this entire church down for you. Fulfilling your mom’s dying wish becomes harder everyday. So each Monday you confess your blasphemous thoughts to Father Daniels. You’re sure he’s either judging you, turned on or both but he never says more than a few words aside from a grunt of acknowledgement here and there. That’s about as unbiased as you’re going to get. You sigh to yourself as you adjust your veil on your head and open the confessional door.

Rafe was practically vibrating with lust as he sat opposite of you in the confessional booth. He caught the slightest glimpse of you as you entered but he pressed his back against the wall and hid his face in the shadows to ensure you didn’t see him. Not yet at least. He intends to make himself known when the time is right.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned. It's been one week since my last confessional.” Your sweet voice fills the wooden box confining the two of you and vibrates through Rafe’s soul. Lucky for him he’s been in this booth with Father Daniels enough to know the man hardly speaks so he just gives you a grunt of acknowledgement, encouraging you to go on. “Everyday I swear it gets harder to not commit the sins of the flesh. No matter what I do to push down these impure thoughts, or run away from them, they continue to eat my insides.”

Rafe feels his cock stir in his pants at your words. Are you talking about him? Do you have an ex from before you came here? If that was the case, that wouldn’t do. He hums low in his throat and you take that as a sign to go on.

“It’s like he’s everywhere I look, father.” You sigh deeply and Rafe can hear the slight thud of your head hitting the wood behind you. “I’m as rude as I can be to him without being inappropriate but nothing deters his affections it seems.” You stir slightly, as if waiting for a response but when Rafe stays silent you take a shaky breath. “My fantasies about Father Cameron used to only haunt me at night, with my hand between my legs. But now it’s as if every waking moment of my life I am consumed by my cravings for him.”

Rafe exhales deeply through his nose as his cock hardens in his slacks. He feels saliva pool in his mouth and it takes everything in him not to reveal himself right this moment. But not yet, he needs to know more.

“I want him so badly, father.” Rafe hears the beads on your rosary click against those pretty little rings you wear and all he can think about is pulling it taunt around your throat. “I think about him fucking me more than anything else. More than any of my vows. More than god. I find myself wanting to kneel at his feet instead. And each day this promise I made my mother starts to feel more and more meaningless if I can’t feel his thick cock inside me.” You wait a few beats to see if he will respond but when you’re met with silence you fill it with more of your filthy fantasies. “I fantasize about him bending me over the pews during service and how his big hands would feel gliding across my body, those long fingers deep in my pussy. I want him to fuck me like a slut and make me pray to him like he’s my god while I beg him to cum.”

Arousal builds in your stomach and you rock back and forth with your legs crossed subconsciously seeking friction. The tiny red thong underneath your tunic cupping your cunt like a dirty little secret. Rafe can’t take it anymore, his thoughts turned primal the minute you said his name and the longer you go on the tighter his pants get until he feels like the zipper is going to burst from how hard he is.

“You’re right, those are some very impure thoughts…” Rafe’s voice is low and filled with lust and it makes you gasp. Your hand clutches the rosary around your neck tightly to your chest and your foot darts out and smacks against the door in front of you.

“Father - Father Cameron?” The sudden sound of his voice has your heart rate spiking and your clit practically thumping between your legs. The mixture of arousal and fear shouldn’t feel so delicious washing over your body, but it does. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, doll, it’s me.” Rafe licks his lips, feeling like a mountain lion that cornered a fawn. “If you want me to fuck you like a dirty little whore, all you have to do is ask.”

“I think you know why I couldn’t do that…” Your chest heaves as you struggle to breathe. This can’t be happening.

“Mmm, why? Because god doesn’t want you to get your pussy stretched so far you feel like you're going to split in half?” Rafe chuckles darkly as he leans against the screen separating the two of you, just barely making out your outline. “To be honest, it doesn’t seem like you really care about that.” You start to protest but Rafe shushes you. “It’s too late to make excuses, sweetheart. You told me all I needed to know. Get out of this booth and kneel on the ground in front of it. Now.”

In your mind you know you need to protest, walk out of this room and go to bed like none of this ever happened. But your pussy has a mind of her own. So you push the door open softly and step out before settling on your knees in front of the door Rafe is behind. After what feels like eons but was probably only a few seconds the wooden door swings open, revealing Rafe’s large frame. He has to duck down to go through the small opening before stepping toward you with a wicked look in his eyes and a cheshire smirk painted on his perfect lips. He towers over you, glowering down at you for a moment, taking you in. You were so fucking perfect for him. Those big wide eyes that at first glance seemed innocent but he now knows the dirty thoughts that hide behind them. Your lips are red and plush, like you’ve been biting them the entire time you’ve been here. And the way your hands are clasped in your lap is just the icing on the goddamn cake.

“Fuckin’ look at you.” Rafe’s large hand cups the side of your face and he runs his thumb along your bottom lip, smearing the bit of spit that gathered there. His other hand abruptly grips onto your veil, pulling it and your coif from your head in one swoop. Your hair falls free and Rafe can finally see you for the first time. The hand on your face turns rough as he grips tightly onto your jaw, his other hand gathering your hair so he can yank your head back to look at him. “So goddamn gorgeous. Show me the rest of you. Take that shit off.”

It isn’t a question, it’s a command. And it makes your pussy clench around nothing. You expect him to release his grip on your face but he doesn’t so you push your robes down your arms to the best of your ability. Not only did you have on the pretty little red thong but you had on the lace bra that matched. Rafe’s eyes nearly exploded out of his head at the sight and he never felt like he was going to cum in his pants until he caught sight of the upside down cross tattoo nestled between your tits peeking out through the red lace. You struggle to shimmy your robes the rest of the way down your hips so Rafe decides to help you out by yanking you up by your hair enough for your hips to raise off the ground. The sting of your scalp makes you whimper as you remove the rest of your clothes. You're kneeled in front of a Rafe in the middle of the church in nothing but red lace, white thigh highs, little Mary Jane’s and your rosary. It should feel crude and unclean, you should feel shame, but you feel nothing but carnal desire.

“I fuckin’ knew you were a little whore.” Rafe growls and yanks on the beads around your neck, pulling them tight until they’re slightly cutting off your airflow. “Open your mouth.” You stick your tongue out for good measure and he leans down and spits on it before shoving two of his fingers down your throat, causing you to gag. He curls his fingers in the back of your throat before fucking your mouth with his long digits.

Rafe revels in the way saliva gathers in your mouth and drips down his fingers and wrist as he makes you gag for him. That tiny amount of mascara that you think you’re getting away with that he never misses starts to stream down your cheeks as a few tears escape your eyes. And your hair is more beautiful than he could’ve ever imagined. He pulls his fingers from your mouth with a gasp and his large palm cups your face, rubbing your spit across your lips and chin. Rafe never lets go of your hair as he undoes his belt and pulls his cock out. “Now be a good little nun and suck my fuckin’ cock.”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice as you push yourself up further onto your knees so you can grab onto his shaft. It's thick and heavy in your hand with so much precum dripping from the tip that some drips onto the red carpet. “Well, don’t fuckin’ waste it.” Rafe yanks your head down so far your face is inches from the ground, hovering directly over the drops of his cum. “Clean it up.”

You hesitate for a moment because what he’s asking you to do is so fucking disgusting but when you glance up at him, towering over you like he really is a god, you can’t help but let your tongue dart out and lick the floor. His cum is wet and salty but you hardly get a taste before the feeling of the rough carpet replaces it.

“Oh, you’re so fuckin’ disgusting. Now choke on my dick.” Rafe pulls you back up to his cock and you run your tongue around every inch of his shaft before taking it in your mouth, all the way down your throat.You swallow around him causing your throat to squeeze his dick and then pull off all the way and spit on his head, watching the drool drip down his shaft and onto his balls.

“Jesus Christ, you’re such a sick, little, cock slut.” Rafe growls and grips onto both of your cheeks so he can shove his cock back down your throat. He gives you no time to process before he’s brutally fucking your mouth. You gag and drool without breaking eye contact with him and Rafe swears to god he might end up being the one praying to you at night. He pulls you off his cock and onto your feet by your throat and then he’s kissing you filthy. He practically devours you with his tongue as his hands travel down your body. He pulls on the hook of your bra before yanking the lace from your tits, giving him a full view of your tits but also that little upside down cross tattoo inked between them.

“Jesus Christ, I knew they’d be perfect.” Rafe looks at your tits like they’re the most delicious delicacy he’s ever seen before leaning down to take a nipple in his mouth. He licks and sucks until you’re dripping with his spit and then he bites down on your cleavage so hard he breaks the skin. His fingers lace through your rosary and he uses it to pull your face forward, almost like a leash. “Go bend over that pew, I’m going to make your nasty little fantasies come true.”

“Fuck, Father, are you sure we should be doing this here? What if someone comes in?” For the first time since you found out Rafe was behind that wall you are aware of your surroundings. You’re practically naked in the middle of your church, letting your priest defile you.

“Oh, don’t get shy on me now, sweetheart. And it’s daddy, to you.” Rafe exhales through his nostrils while pulling the beads so tight that they choke you and pinch your skin. “Never wanna hear you call me ‘Father Cameron’ again. From now on it’s my name or daddy. Got it?” You nod and that isn’t going to do it for him. “Use your words to address me. Tell me you understand.”

“Yes, daddy. I understand.” Rafe’s lips break out into a sinister smile. He has you right where he wants you and he’s never letting you go now.

“Good. Now be a good little fuck doll and bend your ass over that pew for me.” You oblige him, feeling equal parts aroused and humiliated as your body bends over the wooden bench. Rafe straight up growls at the sight of you. Those white socks squeeze your plush thighs, cupping the bottom part of your perfect ass that has that little red thong nestled between it. Your pussy is so fucking creamy the crotch of the lace is white and it’s smeared on your legs. And the star of the show? The little bow tramp stamp tattooed on your lower back.

“Well, would you look at that…” Rafe says in a sing-song tone as he approaches you. One of his hands grabs your ass roughly while the other comes to trace a finger along the ink on your back. “You're a lot more naughty than you let on, aren’t you, Angel? Maybe I should punish you for your sins and make you beg for forgiveness?”

“I’m not - I’m not sure what you mean by that, Fa- daddy.” You catch your mistake at the last second, but Rafe doesn’t miss it. Both of his hands come down on either of your asscheeks causing you to jolt forward with a yelp.

“It means I’m going to beat this little ass and you’re going to say ‘thank you daddy’ for every single one.” Rafe spanks your ass with his hand again but the crucifix on top of the Bible next to him is just too good to pass up. He picks it up and runs the cool wood along your ass. He glides it through your dripping folds causing you to look back with a moan. “How about eighteen, since you’re such a sinner? Count.”

“Are you going to use -“ You don’t get to finish asking because your question is quickly answered by the sharp sting of the wooden cross in your ass. “Oh, fuck! One, thank you daddy.”

“Oh good, you’re a quick learner.” He hits you with five more before leaning over to whisper in your ear “that’s six.” And then six more, each harder than the last and you thank him for each and every one. “That’s another six, little sinner.” You expect him to do the last six in succession but after three he pauses to roughly rub the end of the cross against your clit.

“These next ones are gonna hurt real bad.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he kicks your feet further apart before bringing the crucifix between your legs and smacking it against your pussy.

“Oh my goddd, S- Sixteen! Thank you daddy!” Your legs are shaking as you brace yourself for the last two blows. Rafe glides the cross along your inner thigh and back up to your ass before flipping it over and spanking you with the bronzed Jesus, once on each cheek. “Jesus fucking Christ! Seventeen! Eighteen! thank you daddy.” Your body falls limp while you pant, trying to catch your breath as your ass and pussy throb.

“Such a good fuckin’ girl f’me.” Rafe rips your panties down your ankles, not bothering to pull them off all the way and runs his fingers through your folds. “Perfect fuckin’ pussy. I’m gonna goddamn destroy you.”

He brings his fingers to his lips and sucks them clean with a groan. You hear his belt buckle clank and his zipper being pulled down before you feel the head of his cock tapping against your clit. He runs it along your folds, gliding through your wetness with ease. Rafe slides his cock through your asscheeks, smearing your cum around your little hole. He lines up with your dripping entrance and slams into you balls deep in one push. Then he’s fucking into you brutally, no build up, no mercy.

“I knew this little cunt would be so goddamn tight.” Rafe snarls in your ear while one hand grips your ass that’s already breaking out in cross shaped bruises and the other comes up to lace around your rosary, using it as leverage as he continues to buck into you with reckless abandon. “You’re such a depraved whore, letting me fuck you in the middle of the church where anyone could walk in. You're no saint, you're just a sick little pervert.”

“You’re just as disgusting as I am, Rafe.” You glare at him over your shoulder and he looks like the definition of sin. He yanked his collar off and a few buttons down of his shirt at some point showing the gold chain cross against the top of his toned chest, his blonde hair is a complete mess, and the smile painted on his lips is one only a devil would wear. He yanks your rosary until your back is flush against his chest and it’s so tight around your neck you’re surprised it hasn’t snapped.

“Oh, baby doll, you think this is disgusting? If you could see the things that go through my mind when I look at you then you’d know what the meaning of vile really is.” Rafe growls in your ear and angles his hips so his thick cock is hitting you so deep it has your pussy dripping down his balls and onto both of your thighs. He continues to choke you while finding your clit with his other hand so he can rub rough circles on it. “You gonna come for me? Tell me I’m your god while you cream all over my cock.”

“You’re - you’re my god! Please make me come, god!” You writhe against him and he runs his tongue along the length of your throat before biting down on your neck until you bleed. It sends you over the edge, euphoria overtaking you as your pussy gushes around him.

“Yeah, that’s my good little slut, cum for your god.” Rafe presses on your lower back so you're bent back over the pew before gripping onto your hips and pounding into you like a man possessed. “You’re mine now. I own every corrupted piece of you. Your soul. Your body. Your blood. It’s all fuckin’ mine. Tell me.”

“I’m yours, I’m all yours. You’re my god, daddy.” Rafe roars as his hands come down on the bench either side of your head and his hips flush against yours. His cock twitches inside of you while ropes of his cum pump into your pussy. The feeling has an explosion of pleasure washing over you as you cum right along with him. After a moment Rafe pushes off of you, his cock slipping out of you and leaving you feeling empty. His large hands grip onto your shoulders, pulling you up and flipping you over so you’re looking at him.

“I meant that shit, you’re fuckin’ mine. Go pack your shit. We’re leaving.” He captures your lips in a messy kiss and god, you wish you had it in you to turn him down and pretend this never happened. But you’ve had one hit of him and now you're addicted. You’re his.

Tagging Rafe mooties: @babygorewhore @cxrrodedcoffin @oceandriveab @starkeysprincess @eddiesxangel @cameronsprincess @nemesyaaa @rafeinterlude @rafeyscurtainbangs @gri959 @dreamliners @starkeyisthelastname

Divider by @strangergraphics

[lunaa007]

Astrology observations #3

These are my personal observations and should be taken in the context of the whole chart, never isolated 😊

Some of this is 18+, no minors allowed

♦️Mars-Uranus aspects can indicate a liking for risky activities and extreme sports, like motorcycling or base jumping. They can even like to put themselves in danger as they need the adrenaline. Routine is super boring for them, they need to try new things very often. They should be careful to release this nervous energy with sports, work they're passionate about or things like that or it can backfire. This aspect can be tempered down with Saturn aspects or a lot of earth energy in the chart.

♦️Venus square mars aspect: can often be mean to the person they like, classic "if he pulled your hair it's because he likes you" stuff. Can be very passionate, might have difficulty to separate feelings from lust. They might have talent for artistic sports like dancing or ice skating. For women, they might like a more sporty fashion style.

♦️Sun-saturn aspects: especially for harsh ones, this can really change the expression of the sun sign. I know someone with sun and several planets in Leo, but they are all square to Saturn and you could never tell she's a Leo; she is very reserved, shy and restrained in life. But as with all Saturn aspects this can change with age, the personality coming through more and more while keeping an amazing sense of discipline, wisdom and grounding.

♦️Moon-uranus aspects: with harsh aspects (conjunction, square, opposition), the mother might have been emotionally cold during the childhood, and she might have been a bit erratic and unpredictable. This could have showed up as frequently moving places, or having a mother considered weird or crazy by society. With soft aspects like trine or sextile this could show up as an untraditional family, maybe having two fathers or two mothers, or parents very into technology, but this was not hard on the person and it helped them develop their individuality and independence.

♦️Taurus mercury: these people can learn much slower than other people (this does not mean they are not as intelligent, their rhythm is just different). At school they might have felt behind their schoolmates or felt like they didn't have enough time to finish their exams/homework. It is important that they don't feel bad about this and take the time they need to do their work. This might be less strong with Uranus influence on mercury. ♦️ Aquarius moon natals and their need to always read and watch self-development content without ever actually feeling their feelings 🙃

♦️ Venus conjunct moon: these people are so kind, they have such a big heart and do not wish harm on anyone, please stay mindful of who has access to you as many people might want to be in contact with this energy but sometimes also energy vampires.

♦️ Mercury conjunct/square pluto and their dark humor! I have this in my chart and one of my colleagues actually said to me three days after she started: "your jokes can be really dark sometimes" 😂 it gets worse when I'm tired as I don't filter my jokes so much before saying them. These aspects might also think a lot about death and dark themes, they can be the type to think "what happens if I die tomorrow", or "I could die if I do this" but not in a worried way, just thinking rationally about what is possible.

♦️ Leo mars women and their secret backup plan of becoming a stripper or an exotic dancer 💃 these women often have a talent for dancing, and performing can make them feel desired and confident.

♦️ Aries moon/mars placements and their road rage! Both my parents have these placements and my god the number of stressful rides to school I had when I was a child 😂 this can also apply to the other fire mars.

♦️ Lilith conjunct ascendant: these people often provoke reactions everywhere they go, they rarely go unnoticed whether it is positive reactions or negative. The women with this aspect might get sexualised a lot, and the men with this aspect might attract animosity from other men. ♦️ Sun-jupiter and moon-jupiter aspects: they might always see the bright side of things, "it will get better", "this is temporary", seeing the glass half-full. A lot of optimism, faith in a higher meaning, maybe too optimistic sometimes and too trusting that things will unfold in the right way.

♦️Mars square pluto women often attract creepy men on the street, interactions with aggressive men might be unfortunately common. It is important to not repress their anger and channel their power in something like martial arts.

♦️Gemini moon/IC: they might love to talk with their loved ones at home, a lot of communication and learning in their private life. If they live alone they might be a lot on the phone or always have music or tv or radio on.

♦️Mercury square saturn: they might doubt their intellectual abilities when young, their learning style might not fit the classic school system. It is important that they are encouraged by their family, and with time they will gain confidence and master the learning techniques that fit them best.

♦️Mars in virgo might care too much about pleasing their partner in bed and have a hard time receiving pleasure without giving anything. They might also feel self-conscious if they do not feel "clean" like not fresh out of the shower. It is important for them to practice letting go of their thoughts and doubts and be present in their body. They deserve pleasure as much as everybody else!

♦️ Jupiter in the 2nd house might have a very good self-esteem, if the moon and venus are not too afflicted. And if it is the case it helps the native deal with the harder aspects.

♦️ That's why it is so dangerous to interpret an  aspect in isolation of the rest of the chart, a challenging aspect might be very beneficial in a chart and less in another one. For instance moon conjunct saturn might be more challenging for a Capricorn moon which is already quite controled and closed off, but in the sign of Aries it might help the native tame their impulsivity and control better their emotions. 

♦️ Or moon square Uranus might be beneficial for a Capricorn moon or a Taurus moon as it might help them break out of their routine and become more adaptable and flexible to change.

Thank you for reading!

@lunaa007

[maoam]

Naruto most likely sees how the world around him works, and it affects his behaviour, especially since he craves for acceptance.

Notice the difference in his reaction when another guy says he likes him in part 1 vs part 2.

(Sorry for a bit poor quality, it was difficult to find an accurate translation, most were viz translations which didn't convey this convo very well). In part 1 he's just annoyed, because he doesn't like Kankurou as a person. He didn't even think about that "I like you" could have certain other implications. But in part 2 he's straight up creeped out by Kakashi saying the same thing, eventhough the meaning and intention is the same in both.

Naruto's reaction to Kurama mentioning his kiss with Sasuke was also way too over the top. Like really comical. Naruto was putting on a show in front of everyone. But whenever he's with Sasuke, he forgets all about this, he is fine with waxing poetry to Sasuke, or Sasuke being close to him...

My guess is since he went through puberty he also learned things about himself and thus started to become more sensitive to such things. Thus internalized homophobia.

Take this scene for example. He seems a bit uncomfortable being there. Sai was probably made to be like this (inappropriate, talking about p*nis all the time, being compared to Sasuke, challenging Naruto about his fixation on Sasuke) so Kishi could introduce more such themes into the manga. He's rather clever about this.

Another guess (it could be both combined) would be that since Jiraiya is so aggressively straight man (to the point he has to introduce himself by saying he's not into men lol) living with him for those years during the timeskip could have affected Naruto's mindset even more. But it's funny how Kishi keeps stressing over and over how Naruto finds Jiraiya's er*tic books boring. Also unlike Jiraiya who peeps on women for p*rverted reasons, Naruto does it as a prank, and in order to practice his oiroke no jutsu. Kishi is trying to show how they are different. I remember on one discussion forum one guy actually brought up he noticed Naruto's changed behaviour after he came back with Jiraiya! Like that he was even more gay and more sensitive to gay things. See, other people notice too.

Then he calls Konohamaru's boy-on-boy jutsu "nasty". Naturally, it's a shonen, Naruto can't have a comically interested reaction like Sakura to something like that, it wouldn't fly. Thus the internalized homophobia. But I also think he didn't want to see Sasuke who he's possessive over being with Sai like that lol. And Naruto really isn't one to talk considering what he came up with later.

Look how proud he looks. Little hypocrite. He's been working on those twink bods more than rasengan lol. Kishi wasn't very subtle with that comment. Also Kishi fought for this moment with his editors for YEARS because he just really needed to write this down. It was just that important to him...

Of course Naruto's repression comes up when it comes to Sasuke as well. Here he admits Sasuke is attractive, but then immediately backpedals on it. His real feelings just slipped.

Later, he was thinking about Sasuke, his mind consumed by Sasuke, but when Sakura and Sai appear his whole body language changes and he immediately claims he was thinking about a date with Sakura. He didn't want to be vulnerable nor let anyone know about his real feelings at the moment. He is hiding behind a heterosexual facade.

But sometimes Naruto doesn't even think of backpedaling on it. He is with his supposed "crush" yet unlike anyone else who would try to get closer or maybe flirt, he is just thinking about Sasuke. This is actually a moment that made many people raise their eyebrows. Including people who didn't like narusasu, or people who didn't ship anything. Specifically because it's written like a clickbait, as in Naruto says "he is happy" and Sakura going "huh?" and because she's his supposed crush who is taking care of him as I said most readers would expect next page have Naruto say something that would emphasize his crush on Sakura. But no, he goes on about Sasuke. No matter how much ss/nh insist we see gay everywhere, many other people picked up on Kishi's writing at many points during the story. But anyway, even with the internalized homophobia, Naruto's love for Sasuke is so strong he can say crazy things about Sasuke to other people and to Sasuke himself that things like "I'm starting to like you" (a completely average thing to say to another person) can't compare to, and still be unbothered by it.

Finally there is the interaction with Minato. Naruto wants to look good in front of his dad so he hesitantly agrees Sakura is his girlfriend, despite how in the previous arc we were shown that Naruto knew Sakura still likes Sasuke, and was angry at her when she tried to confess to him. So he is obviously not serious about Sakura being his girlfriend, but he is saying it to Minato hesitantly. Yet when his dad is leaving he doesn't want to lie anymore.... but he's also hesitant about admitting he hasn't found a girl like his mom wanted.

About the last part, I think it's referring to the armadillo scene? I think it was Kishi's typical humour, like how Naruto saw Haku in makeup and feminine clothing, and assumed Haku was a girl, but then was told Haku is a boy and went "oh okay, I didn't know that kind of thing existed". Here there was instead an armadillo that somehow looked like it was wearing makeup (??? idek or at least looked feminine) and since Naruto needed to write down whether the animals were boys or girls (a ridiculous cover up mission they made up to hide the war was going on from Naruto lol) but then it was flipped over with everyone else and Naruto saw its p*nis and went "even if heaven and earth switched places, a male is still a male". I guess Kishi likes this kind of thing lol... his d*ck jokes...

I know it says "the world might flip over" here but I know it's actually that proverb "even if heaven and earth switched places" that's often used in Japanese.

EDIT: this got flagggged by tumblr so I had to edit sus words.

[wheeloffortune-design]

GUYS. MEN. BOYS.

and other people that have awful dating website pictures and profiles.

Please, make an effort. Girls don't swipe left because they're superficial and wouldn't understand you. They swipe left because your profile is either uninspiring or you look like a serial killer.

Just. Make an effort.

YOUR PICTURE.

Please learn how to take a selfie. This is the right selfie angle:

Up, and a little bit to the side. You want a nice 3/4 view from above, it hides the double chin, gives your face definition and depth, and looks way better than just a front picture. Learn how to take selfies like a girl, we look amazing in them.

Don't take it from too close, you need to stretch that arm. You need to frame your full head, neck and shoulders.

The white light from the bathroom will highlight all your redness, your pimples, your face imperfections. You want a nice warm light with yellow tones, not white. Or maybe natural light, go stand next to a window.

The left picture is an immediate no. The right picture is a 'He seems nice, I'll read his profile.'

If you have one of these photos in your profile, sure, just don't make it the first one people will see.

The sunglasses-and-hat combo hides you. And we honestly don't care about the fish, no matter how huge it is.

YOUR LOOKS

Contrary to general belief, women don't systematically go for traditionally handsome guys. But they do go for well groomed ones. And it's not even that hard, the bar is in hell.

Clothes: wear something clean that fits you nicely. You can look presentable no matter your weight or musculature if you wear the right clothes.

Hair: If you have very thin and lifeless hair, and sometimes a receeding hairline, wearing it long and untied does not help you at all. It makes you look like RiffRaff from Rocky Horror.

A good haircut can frame your face, highlight your best features. There is no bad hair, only bad haircuts. And don't worry if you're greying or going bald, women don't judge your hair like that. But a bad haircut can make you look like a serial killer.

Also, please, no fedoras or trillbys. They're a red flag and also don't look good on anyone.

And trim that beard.

OTHER PICTURES

You don't need a lot. A good, first photo should be your face, well lit, smiling. You're not aiming for pretty, you're aiming for 'functional member of society'. You just need to look like a normal person.

For the others, try some photos doing the activities you like to do. Don't force the gym photo if it's not really your lifestyle, we're not that impressed anyway. But photos doing the things that you love, that's what will change a 'maybe' into a 'oooh I also like doing that!'. And don't worry about nerdy pictures, if the girls are nerds they will like it. I've swiped right many times when I see cosplay.

YOUR PROFILE

Now, a man is his own worst enemy. Women on dating websites are already open to try, but men so often shoot themselves in the foot.

Don't write something negative about women in general, relationships sucking, your ex, etc etc. If someone has reached your profile text, they don't want to read your bitching. They don't know you, they don't care.

You need to be polite, nice, approachable. Interesting. Tell what you like to do in life, and what you're looking for. It's not hard:

'Hi! I'm Mark, I'm back on this dating app, hoping this time will be the right one! I work a boring desk job, but what I really love is reading weird horror novels, playing retro games, and trying new recipes. I have two dogs, who rule my world. I'm open to new friendships, would like a steady relationship in the end.'

It's that simple.

Also: MAKE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT WANTING KIDS OR NOT.

If I see another profile of a guy who's 40 and still undecided, I will burn down a building. Women need to know if they want kids or not because we have a deadline. They're looking for this in a guy's profile. Wether you want kids or not, write it somewhere.

Don't explicitely talk about sex in your profile, it's creepy. We don't know you. Also, if you manage to chat with a woman, don't start asking questions about sex right away, that never works. You need to understand that we deal with so many creeps. Please don't be another one.

So, tl;dr:

You need to look and talk like a normal, functional human being, who has a job, and hobbies.

You don't need to be extremely handsome, you just need to not scare them away. Dating websites are so full of badly taken pictures and creeps, that seeing just a normal dude who likes dogs is a relief.

The bar is in hell. The effort required to rise above the creeps and weirdoes is minuscule. Go take a well-lit selfie.

[kpopflowerfield]

code 4, I'm yours | cs

ღ pairing: san x afab!reader, colleagues, hookup

ღ word count: 7.9k

ღ genre: smut

ღ rating: mdni

ღ warnings: mentions of murder (reader and san are involved in a homicide case), descriptions of the crime scene, mentions of blood, exhibitionism (sex in a working police station), San uses handcuffs on reader, swearing, unprotected sex, creampie

ღ networks: @cromernet @k-vanity @illusionnet

ღ summary: Detective Choi was probably your last choice of a partner. He always dragged out timelines and made the job difficult. When you finally got paired with him it felt like a punishment until you learned why his mind was always elsewhere.

ღ author’s note: a HUGEEE thank you to @pars-ley for beta reading and making this fic what it is!

The chatter of the room died down as Captain Kim walked in. “Good morning, I have a few cases that need to be assigned today.” He cleared his throat, looking around the room. He never had to try at gaining the attention of the room as he had such a natural captivating aura. “First, we have a robbery that took place at an electronics store at the corner of fifth and fifty-ninth. Detective Choi Jongho, I am going to partner you with Detective Kang.” He flipped over to the next file lying in front of him. 

“A murder took place early this morning around 05:00 hours. It is the second murder in a suspected double-homocide, I need this to be solved with the utmost accuracy. Detective Y/L/N, I am pairing you with Detective Choi San. I expect high quality work,” He raised an eyebrow, looking between the two of you and switched over to the next file. His words were muted as you spaced out. San wasn’t a bad detective from the work you’ve seen, it was just how long it took him to finalize a case that made you worried about working with him. He was always talking with Detective Jung about something  non-work related or flirting with the other female detectives. 

“Dismissed.” Captain Kim’s words were as clear as day, unlike whatever he was going over after your assignment. “Let’s get to work,” San appeared in front of you, flashing one of his signature smiles that showed off his dimples. You’ve seen him smile like that to all of the women in this precinct, so it wasn’t unexpected for him to pull that move on you. “Yep,” You sighed, walking out to the bullpen to collect your case file that Captain had set on your desk. “I can drive us,” He leaned on the edge of your table. “Sounds good,” You exhaled and walked to the elevator, nothing else was on your mind other than the fact you wanted to complete this case as fast as possible.

“I wonder how Song and Jeong will do on their case,” He spoke through the silence as you stared out the window. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to find something he could say to break the awkwardness that was in between you. “Mm,” You hummed, just agreeing since you weren't paying attention to what they would be working on. “Catching an arms dealer sounds so cool. I would’ve loved having that case,” He sighed. “What about you? Is there a case you’d want to work?” He smiled, glancing at you before returning his eyes to the road. “This one. I want to focus on this case, that’s all.” You tried to cut the conversation short. He let out a short, quiet sigh at your response. “So… what are you doing after work?” His question was hesitant. “Just going home as of right now, it might change based on our case,” Your voice was dry as you answered his question. 

You looked over at him, seeing his tense posture as he drove. Even though working with him was a drag you felt bad about how rude you were being. “What about you?” You nodded in his direction as you asked. “Oh, nothing,” He shrugged. “Maybe the gym, have some dinner,” He trailed off as he thought about his evening. “Nice,” You nodded. The bland comment seeming to simmer over you. You exhaled, letting out a deep breath as your leg bounced; not in an anxious way but more of a need to move. 

“Well I’m glad we’re together, I’ve heard nothing but good about your work and determination. I’m surprised we haven’t worked together yet.” He kept his cheerful mood as he parked. You took the chance to get out quickly and make your way up to the crime scene, not even waiting for him to catch up to you. “Detective Y/L/N,” You flashed your badge to one of the patrol officers as you walked in, taking in the scene. “Detective,” Officer Yoon spoke up, making her way over to you. Your tense state relaxed as you saw her. You both were in the academy together and grew close before she moved on to CSI. “Nice to see you,” You smiled at her as she held her camera. “What are we dealing with here?” You looked around the apartment. “What did I miss?” San panted softly. You raised an eyebrow in his direction at the way he was holding his hips. “Winded?” You stifled a laugh. “I had to run up the stairs to catch up, they were steep!” He defended himself.

Officer Yoon looked at the two of you, noticing how hard you were trying to act like he bothered you. “Sorry,” San looked at her as she waved him off. “Time of death was around five this morning, looks like he was shot, quick in and out but we can look into it more back at the morgue,” Officer Yoon looked over at the body as CSI zipped the body bag closed. You nodded and looked around, taking in the small apartment. “Y/L/N, look over here,” San called you over to the kitchen he had wandered off to. “There was a struggle, a paper towel holder is on the ground, looks like a knife is missing from this set,” he pointed to the block in the corner of the counter. “A fight definitely happened here,” He looked around. 

“About what though?” You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked around. “Robbery wasn’t involved. TV, phone, laptop, wallet and keys are still here. Uniforms said there was no evidence of a jewelry box for them to take,” You kept looking around as if you were waiting for a lead to magically appear in front of you.

“Did the neighbors hear anything?” San’s voice cut through as you studied the apartment. 

“No. Officers covered door duty already. Three other apartments on the floor, two are vacant and the other is on vacation. Neighbors downstairs and upstairs said they didn’t hear anything.” You looked over at him as you finished speaking.

 “So we really got to find what this guy was into then.” San mumbled just loud enough for you to hear. “I’m going to see if we can pull anything from the street cams, the hallway ones too,” You spoke matter-of-factly as you walked out of the apartment and down to his car, leaving him to follow behind. 

He took a deep breath before running over to catch up to you. “Why are you moving so fast?” He whined as he pulled the car door open quickly and got in. You covered up your laugh by clearing your throat.“It’s not funny,” a playful annoyance in his voice as he looked over at you. “To you,” you teased as he sighed. The silence took over as you spaced out. Maybe working with him wouldn’t be as bad as you were letting yourself think it would be. He seemed to be a decent detective and his playfulness would at least keep you entertained.

“Y/N?” San spoke up as he drove. “Yea?” Your voice was blunt as you snapped out of your thoughts. “I don’t know if I’ve upset you or anything but I sense some awkwardness between us. Can we clear the air?” He sounded timid as he cleared his throat quietly. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, not expecting him to address this as fast as he did. You straightened in your seat, feeling as if you’ve been put in a hot seat. “You haven’t done anything directly, I’ve just heard stories of your work during investigations. Getting assigned with you on a case as important as this one, just feels like a punishment,” You sighed, your body relaxing from its tense state. “I also know you like to take your time but I want a promotion. I need to take my Sergeant’s exam but with the time you take on cases I’m not going to have time to study.” You rambled, leaving San silent as he listened. 

“How about I let you take the lead then? I don’t want to get in your way,” He still sounded so sweet as he spoke to you, unbothered by your words. “Sounds good,” You nodded, feeling more relaxed now that the case is yours and you could run it based on your own timeline. You weren’t a control freak necessarily but it was always a gratifying feeling when someone gave you the lead on any case you received.  

“When we get back I want you to deep dive on our victim. Find out his job, coworkers, family, relationships; past and present. Any memberships he could’ve had too. I’m going to get a warrant for his phone and I'll see if the surveillance footage got sent over too,” You looked at him, making sure he heard everything you instructed as he parked. “Sounds good. Did you want me to contact the next of kin?” He questioned as he got out of the car.

“I can do it, I already gave you a lot to do,” you got out after him and walked over to the elevator, he soon joined you. “Thank you for letting me take the lead,” You spoke up.

“Of course. I don’t want to get in your way and you want to be a sergeant, any cases we have together I will let you take over and be primary,” He smiled at you as you made your way to your separate desks. San tried to not stare but the way you delved into your work drew him in. The way you would bite the inside of your cheek as you flipped through papers or were scrolling on your computer. He would never tell you or anyone else but it was one of the quirks you had that caught his attention when he first started here. 

“San?” You called over, removing him from his daydream. “Yeah?” He questioned, clearing his throat. He watched as you walked over to him. “I have our vic’s mother coming in and his sister. Can you interview the sister for me?” You pleaded. 

He laughed at you, shaking his head. “Of course, anything you need.” He smiled up at you.

“Thank you. They’ll be here any minute now,” You smiled at him as you walked away. His eyes followed as you poured yourself a cup of coffee, waiting for the family to walk in. He watched as the victim’s mother sat down at the chair next to your desk. “Detective Choi,” your voice took him out of his trance and hummed over in response. “Can you take the statement from our victim’s sister?” You gestured to the younger girl standing by your desk. He nodded, grabbed his notepad and patted the seat next to his desk. He listened to the sister, jotting down notes as she spoke yet his eyes kept shifting over to you, watching you comfort the mother as she walked away and over to the sister. “Is she all set?” The older woman’s voice was hoarse from the sobbing that took place beside you. “Yes, that was all. I’m so sorry once again, Mrs. Lee. If you need anything don’t hesitate to reach out to us. Okay?” He smiled softly, putting his hand out for her to shake which she took. You helped walk the victim’s family out before making your way over to San’s desk to compare notes.

You sat down in the chair next to him as he sat back down. “What did you find out?” You questioned as he looked down at his notes, tapping his pen on his desk.

“Looks like our vic led a clean life. Went to work and kept up with the gym.” He shrugged as you nodded. “Have you found any relationships that we could question?” You kept coming up with things to ask, wanting to see how much he was paying attention to the victim’s sister, without revealing that you noticed his eyes wandering to look at you every few moments. It was a hard line to walk. 

“I got the warrant so we should start going through his text messages,” You looked at him as he nodded. You could tell he wasn’t fully listening. “San?” Your voice had an edge to it. “I’ll help you,” He answered quickly once he realized you were onto him. 

The nerves of working with him wore off after a couple of days of being side by side. It started to actually be enjoyable, which you couldn’t have imagined possible. Talking with him was less of a drag than it was before, even if it was now a subtle flirting back and forth.

 “Y/L/N, if you ever want help studying let me know. It’s really cool you want to be a sergeant.” He smiled at you as you blushed softly, rocking slightly on your heels as you waited for the elevator to open on your floor.

 “Thank you, and I’ll let you know. I’ve been trying to keep up but they only run the tests every other year,” You sighed. 

“Yeah, but you’re really smart and I can tell you’re an amazing leader.” His compliments kept flowing. “Thank you, I appreciate it,” Your cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink. “I would be very happy to be under your command,” He bumped his arm against yours.

“Detectives,” Captain Kim’s voice made you jump as the doors opened. You quickly walked out with San. “How are we doing on this case?” He asked, eyes shifting between the two of you. “Really good. We’re very close to finishing,” San answered quickly, flashing a smile at you before looking back at Captain. 

“Mhm,” The small hum of agreement was all you could muster to answer. “Good, the commissioner has started to follow along. I’m glad to hear about your progress,” He smiled and walked back towards his office. You smacked San’s arm. “Very close?” You scoffed. “We still have four suspects and haven’t found a connection with the last victim,” You sighed. “I panicked,” He had a whine to his voice. 

“Let me ask for some overtime, I’ll tell him the case will be solved even faster because we’re on a roll right now,” He smiled apologetically. “Go ahead,” You sighed as he walked to Captain Kim’s office. You head to the vacant evidence room where you had set up your murder board. Sitting down on one of the tables, staring at the board in front of you trying to see if you could find the connection without being distracted by San at your side. “It’s approved,” His head peeked in and you snapped out of it. “Sounds good,” You smiled at him as he looked at the time. “I’m gonna hit the showers quickly. Is that alright?” He asked, sounding hesitant. 

“Yeah! Go ahead, I’ll be here,” You laughed at his apprehension. 

You stared at the board in front of you, moving around a few of the photos and updating the timelines in front of you. “Any leads?” San’s voice caught you by surprise. “I think I matched the timelines and it’s a perfect match to Lee Minho’s murder.” You looked over at San, it was hard not to instantly check him out. 

The snug grey sweatpants hugging his hips and tight tee shirt that exposed his toned body. “See, we’re so close,” He teased. “Yeah,” You cleared your throat, looking away from him as you agreed. The way you were shifting around made him watch you more intently “You okay?” He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah,” You repeated as you pressed your lips together. Still averting your eyes to stop yourself from drooling over the way he looked. “So what do these two have in common?” He leaned on the table next to you, studying the board. 

The silence grew between you as you tried to not look back over at him, but as he leaned in closer, the smell of his body wash overwhelmed you and made you move off to the side. “Is everything alright?” He looked at you worriedly. “Mhm,” Your hum was quiet as you attempted to hide your embarrassment. “So what was the connection you found?” He repeated his question.

“Oh, I think the gym trainer. They had the same one,” You stood up and walked over to the front of the board. You swallowed as you tried to keep your mind from traveling down the stream of thoughts that were flooding your brain. 

“Huh, I didn’t even notice that,” He walked over and stood behind you, looking at the board. “So should we go ahead and file the arrest warrant?” He watched you, waiting for a response. “Are you sure everything is okay?” He spoke a bit louder.

 “I have to be honest,” You blurted out as you turned to look at him. “What?” He moved around to look at you. 

“Okay?” His voice was unsure as he answered. You were already acting differently since he’s come back from his shower.

“You’re insanely hot, I don’t know what it is about you or why I haven’t noticed,” Your cheeks burned as you covered your mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” You stood up, walking to the other side of the room. 

“Don’t apologize,” He closed the distance between you. “I’ve always thought you were hot. The tight dress pants you wear always catch my eye, and the way you look when you’re focusing on something. It’s all insanely hot and drives me crazy. I just didn’t want to act on it because I thought you felt different,” He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I mean, I did at the beginning of this but the past few days of getting to know each other have been nice. Then you walked in the room just now and god, you’re breathtaking,” You blushed brighter. “I’ve wanted to say the same about you,” He retorted. His intense eyes looked over you as he was reading your body language. 

“Kiss me,” You demanded. “Yeah?” He teased as he moved in closer to you. Your chest tightened as you felt his lips land on yours. The soft feeling made you buzz as he moved his hands to hold your hips close to him. As soon as he started, it felt like there was no return, the nervousness from your confession was reassured as his tongue swiped against your lip, you would be a fool if you didn’t give him the chance to let him explore the inside of your mouth. 

Your tongue moved with his as his hands moved on your body. You pulled away, looking into his eyes. “We have to shut the door,” You gasped as he nodded and crossed the room as he shut the door gently. “No one is out there,” He turned to look at you, seeing that you’ve unbuttoned your top. “Fuck…” He sighed, biting his lip as he looked over at you. He pulled out a chair, taking a seat and leaned back. “Come here,” He patted his lap as you walked over. Wasting no time climbing on top of him and straddling him. “You’re so hot,” He looked at you in awe, reaching for your back and unclasping your bra. “Your tits are so perfect,” He threw your bra on the table, and pulled you closer to him. He quickly took your tit into his mouth, flicking his tongue on your hardened peaks. 

You pressed your lips together, holding back soft moans. His hands moved to grab your ass as he squeezed lightly, moving you against his hardening length. Your breath hitched as his cold fingers pinched your hardened nipple.

 “You like that?” His voice was breathy as you continued to grind on his thick length. “Mhm,” You whimpered as he rolled his fingers on your pebbled flesh. He smirked as he watched the way your back arched as he swirled his tongue on your nipple.

Your finger tangled in his hair as you rolled your hips on his lap. “You’re so hard,” You barely whispered as you leaned your head back. “You did that,” He chuckled, moving away from your breasts. You leaned down, kissing his neck lightly sending a shiver down his spine. 

The throbbing in between your legs was becoming unbearable as you could only begin to imagine the feeling of every inch of him inside of you. He leaned back, holding your sides as he watched you slowing down your grinding.

“Fuck me,” You whispered in his ear. “Really?” He chuckled. “Please, I want your cock deep inside me,” You moved on his length, aching for him. His breath hitched as he grabbed your ass tightly. “Let me try something,” He let go of you, lifting you effortlessly off his lap. 

“Try what?” You ask as you looked up at him innocently. “You’ll see,” He answered shortly as he stood up. He couldn’t help himself as he checked you out, immediately imagining how he would feel deep inside of you.

“Bend over on the table,” He kissed you briefly as he turned you over. He reached in front of you, pulling your pants down. “You’re soaked,” He smirked. Looking at the soft pink thong you were wearing, seeing the darkened color near your cunt.  His thumb moved in a circle around your desperate hole, sliding down and rubbing your clit.

You shifted, letting your body slide down on the table as the pleasure of him touching you took over. His soft fingers moving to tease your folds as you lifted your hips. “Fuck,” You whimpered. 

He couldn’t hold back the chuckle that left his lips as he pulled down his pants. “W-what did you want to try?” You stuttered. “Give me your hands,” He demanded. The realization immediately kicked in as you put your hands behind your back and felt the cold metal of your handcuffs being secured to your wrists. 

“I don’t have a condom, is that okay?” He bit his lip, hoping you would dismiss it. “That’s fine, I don’t care. I just want you deep inside,” You pleaded as he didn’t waste a moment, taking your ass in his hand and squeezed.

He pulled your panties to the side and pushed his tip to your entrance. “Please, San,” You begged. He quickly gave in as he pushed his length inside your dripping wet heat. Your breath hitched as you felt him stretching you out, adjusting to his size. “‘s-so big,” you whined out as your back arched for him. 

The feeling of him inside was something beyond words could properly describe. His cock was pushing in on all the right spots as he was taking it slow, wanting to savor the feeling of him pushing in inch by inch.

“You’re so tight,” He grunted as he pulled back out slowly, his fingers digging into your hips as he started to create a consistent pace. “God, this pussy is so fucking good,” He grunted as you whimpered, withholding your moans. The thrill of being quiet to avoid being caught was making this even hotter than you could’ve even imagined. 

His cock was diving in deeper as he held the handcuffs. “You feel so good,” You whined, as his hips began to jack hammer into yours, desperate to shove every part of his cock inside of you. Your cunt was convulsing around him as he grunted, the strength of him pulling on the handcuffs made you whimper. “Y-you’re gonna make me cum,” You whined. 

“Already?” He couldn’t help his cockiness as he tilted his head back, plunging deep inside of you as he held back his own moans. The constant feeling of him exiting and reentering you made you let out a strangled moan, unable to hold it all inside as it was slipping out of your mouth.

He quickly let go of the restraints and leaned over you, covering your mouth. “Be quiet. We don’t want to be caught, do we?” He taunted, as you shook your head, his hand still firm on your mouth. “Good girl,” He cooed and let go of you, moving back to his previous position and returned to the deep thrusts that were giving you a new pleasure you haven’t had before.  

“You’re taking my cock so well,” He praised, as you kept your moans quiet, trying to hold the wails that wanted to come out of your mouth. “You’re so so fucking good,” You whimpered, as his pace picked up and became more frenzied as his hand returned to the handcuffs, pulling your arms back carefully. “Can I cum in you?” He got out in between heavy breaths as he pulled on your cuffs. 

That question made your brain shortwire as he continued to fuck you with a merciless rhythm. The anticipation of feeling him empty inside of you made you realize you hadn’t answered him as he kept jackhammering his hips into yours. 

“Please…” You begged. Your eyes rolling back as you let out soft moans that only he could hear. You could feel him losing his composure as his hands moved around your body, unable to stay with a consistent pace.

“I’m gonna fucking fill you up then,” He grunted. Your walls fluttered around him, making his cock twitch. He sucked in a sharp breath to fight back the groans that wanted to escape his lips.

“S-san please,” You let out a choked sob, holding back as you felt your orgasm coming close. The shockwaves coming over your body as you begin seeing stars. “I-I’m gonna cum,” You fumbled over your words. 

Your gut tightening as you let out a shattered breath, not wanting to cry out from the pleasure of him hitting your g-spot. “Fuck,” you puffed as you clenched, your walls gripped around his cock tightly as he held your sides.

“Do it for me, baby,” He grunted as his thrusts were becoming unpredictable as he felt his own orgasm coming over. 

You felt that wave taking over your body as he reached, letting go of the cuffs to cover your mouth. He knew you wouldn’t be able to hold back the moans that were going to escape your lips. Your cry was muffled as you dissolved into the pleasure, your pussy pulsing around his cock as you slumped over. He kept moving, letting you ride out the pleasure. He slammed in with one last powerful thrust as he grunted, emptying himself inside of you. “Fuck, Y/N,” He panted, pulling out carefully. 

Your knees buckled as he exited you. He quickly found the key in the pocket of your pants and removed the cuffs. “Are you okay?” His voice was gentle as he pulled up his pants. Your hands gripped the sides of the table as you panted softly, trying to collect yourself before you could answer.

“More than okay,” You quickly nodded, lifting yourself up from the desk and pulling your pants up. The high from your orgasm coming down as you pulled out the chair and sat down. You ran your fingers through your hair before buttoning your shirt back up.

“Should we talk about it?…” He looked at you, leaning on the table across from you. His arms crossed over his chest. The feeling of him staring you down after fucking you like that was unexpected. 

“I don’t know what there is to say,” You swallowed harshly, still recovering. You pushed your hair back, your fingers tangling at the ends. Words that could be said weren’t even coming across your mind as your eyes shifted back over to him. He kept his unimpressed look making you look away from him.

“I mean, four days ago you were completely against me and then, that just happened. I’m not upset about it at all, just curious,” His voice was soft as he looked at you.

You bit your lip, unsure of what to say to him. “It was the spur of the moment. I’m sorry if it was wrong of me,” You apologized, clearing your throat. A knock on the door made you jump up, fixing yourself quickly as you were brought back down to the realization that you were still at work. San glanced in your direction, making sure you were all set before responding to the knock.

“Yeah?” San spoke up, moving to sit down on the chair. The creak of the door made both of you look over, trying to play off that you had been working the whole time and nothing else had happened between the two of you.

“Any progress?” Captain Kim walked in, taking a quick glance at the murder board set in front of the tables you each were sitting at. His hands were in his pockets as he took in the board more, looking over each note that was written down.

“Yes, I think there’s a connection from the gym they both go to. The M.E just got back to me and said DNA was found on the body and it’s being ran in the system for a match. One of them has to be involved.” You spoke up as Captain nodded, a slight smile on his face as he finished looking over your work to turn and look at you. San watched him feeling satisfied that your work was being appreciated.

 “Good, I don’t mean to be on top of you so much. I just want this solved and give good news to the commissioner. Thank you to both of you for your hard work and staying longer than your shift. If you need anything, give me a call. I’m going home for the night,” He smiled at you. 

“Have a good night, sir,” You smiled back softly as he shut the door behind him. You sighed, guilt building inside of you as you looked back at San. “We just had sex at work,” Your eyes widened as he laughed softly. You exhaled as you sat back in your seat, relaxing at the absence of the Captain. Your hands quickly covered your face as San watched, finding fun in the way you started to take in the actions of what you were doing.

“Mhm, I just came inside of you and used your own handcuffs on you.” He stood up, moving close to you. His hand found your cheek, cupping your face and leaving a gentle kiss on your lips. “We should probably get back to work,” He mumbled against your lips. He pulled away, admiring you before leaning back on the edge of the table. Your eyes were glued to him as he turned his head, reading over your notes. You swallowed, forcing your head to turn away from him.

“Yeah,” You sighed, looking back at the whiteboard. “Want to file a warrant? They had the same trainer so odds are that’s our guy,” You looked at him as he nodded. 

You stood up and walked out to your desk. “Can I take you home?” San looked at you as you fixed the pile of papers on your desk. You quickly tried to think of the pros or cons to his offer. You could invite him up and briefly explain before sending him on his way or let him stay the night, or the conversation could go sideways and working with him would never be the same. It already was going to have a change from letting him fill you up in the evidence room but if the wrong words were said it could make every interaction the worst possible thing in the world.

“Are you picking me up in the morning?” You teased after coming to your own decision that the pros outweigh the cons. The idea of him possibly bringing you into work started to add to the thrill of working with him. He kept watching as you shuffled through papers, eyeing you as he looked at the cuffs on the side of your waist. A small smirk on his face as he played back the new memories of him using them on you.

“I could,” He nodded, taking himself out of his head before he could get too excited again. You looked up at him. “Let me take you home,” He looked at you as you nodded, agreeing with his offer. “I just have to get my stuff, I’ll be right back,” He spoke quickly before walking off to the locker room to get his bag. You grabbed your bag as you walked over to the elevator to wait for him. You exhaled, rocking on your heels until you saw him from your peripherals. You quickly tapped the button as he stood beside you.

“Can we figure out what happened?” He questioned as soon as you stepped into the elevator. Your shoulders slumped as you tried to hide your annoyance. Avoiding the conversation felt easier than facing the music. You knew about his work from the beginning but only brought up the actual work related incidents that you were told about, avoiding bringing up the sex he’s had with other female detectives.

“San…” You sighed. “Don’t play coy,” You looked at him as he raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t hide the confusion that took over his body. He tried to cover up that he knew what you were talking about as he exhaled. He bit the inside of his cheek as he decided to play it off.

“What do you mean?” He gave you a look you haven’t seen before.

 “I know that you’ve slept with the other female detectives in the squad. I don’t know why you’re being so weird that I initiated,” You looked at the elevator doors, letting them open as you walked out. You made your way over to his car as he followed trying to find the words to say to you. He fixed his hair and stood next to you, studying your firm expression.

“That’s why I’m being weird. You told me that working with me was basically a punishment but just now you were begging for my dick to be inside of you. I’m not complaining  at all, just confused and I want to talk about it,” He sighed. 

You listened to him, feeling embarrassed as he recalled your actions from the last two hours. “Something just came over me,” You shrugged it off as he stared at you, feeling unsatisfied with your answer. “Let’s talk about it at my place. I have a nice bottle of wine that we could talk over,” You rocked on your heels as he quickly agreed. “Works for me,” He opened the car door for you as you climbed in. 

After a short drive he was walking into your apartment. He looked around the clean, small studio as you were in the kitchen pouring the glasses of wine for you to enjoy. “Go sit on the couch andlet’s talk ,” you pointed over in the direction as he followed your finger, adjusting the pillow before sitting down. You handed him the glass and sat next to him.

“I heard the stories from around the precinct but I held back on letting them form my opinion on you. To be completely honest I didn't understand why all of these detectives were excited to work with you when your focus was on everything else but the case.” You paused as you looked at him. “But then when we started talking, I realized I was being too harsh on you. I really have been enjoying working with you and was happy to have you on the case. All professional,” You quickly added. “Then you walked in after your shower and I truly realized what everyone else was seeing. I didn’t know if you were going to try and pull anything on me, especially since we’re so close to finishing the case. That’s why I made my move,” You took a sip of your wine as you finished your explanation.

San nodded, digesting the words you had said. “Thank you for explaining, I wasn’t going to try because you’re so fucking hard to read,” he chuckled and looked into your eyes. “But I’m really glad you made that move. It was honestly one of the hottest experiences I’ve ever had,” He couldn’t hold back the flirt.

“I could say the same. Never in a million years would I have ever considered having sex at work,” You laughed and heard your phone buzz. “Our warrant just came through, one of the trainers did it and he has a record, so DNA is already in the system luckily. Makes the collar faster,” You put your phone down as San nodded. 

“First thing tomorrow then, right?” He smiled as you nodded. Watching as he took a sip from his glass and looked around your home. “You have a really nice place,” He complimented to break up the awkward silence. 

“Thank you. I’m also really sorry that I was so harsh on you and was so standoffish when we started,” you apologized and put your glass down on the table in front of you. You watched as he did the same, subtly moving in closer to you. The same hunger from mere hours ago arising in your body again. San looked at you in a much softer way this time than when you demanded him to kiss you.

Before you both realized, you were moving in closer to one another your mouths were connected, gently moving in sync as he held the back of your head. His soft lips were creating a buzzing all through your body and the delicate way of them capturing yours was comforting. He pulled away carefully, placing his forehead on yours. “Stay the night?” You looked at him hopefully as he quickly nodded, letting his lips crash back onto yours.

You groaned as you heard your alarm, the urge to turn it off and just roll over was eating at you but you knew you couldn’t. You sighed and sat up to turn off the chime that was repeatedly going off. “Morning already?” San’s raspy voice made you look over, taking him in, his messy hair and hooded eyes that were refusing to stay open. 

“Mhm, and we have a big arrest to make, so wake up sleepy head,” You teased, as you walked over to your closet, grabbing your clothes and making your way to the bathroom. Glancing in the mirror as you started the shower and checking your appearance, seeing the small pink bites left on your collar bones. You sighed in relief as you climbed in, letting the warm water cover your body. You hummed as you lathered the soap on your body.

“Hey, Y/N?” San called out, speaking loud enough for you to hear over the water. “Yeah?” You responded, turning off the water and reaching for your towel to wrap around your body. You listened for his response as you started to get ready. 

“Can I take a shower here? I just have to run down to my car and grab the extra clothes I have in there,” He still spoke at a louder volume as you finished getting ready.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” You opened up the door to see him standing there in nothing but his boxers, and you couldn’t fight back the blush that spread on your cheeks at the sight.

“Alright, I’ll be back up,” He smiled tiredly, as he threw his clothes on from yesterday and jogged out of your apartment. You exhaled a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding and waited for him to return and finish getting ready. The events of last night played through you mind, and caused  you to space out as you absentmindedly packed your bag.

“Ready?” San said cheerfully and you nodded, walking down to make your way into work together. It felt like all eyes were on you as you walked in and you tried to brush it off, letting San follow his routine of greeting everyone in the room. You took a deep breath and walked up to the Captain’s door, knocking softly.

“Come in,” you heard his voice as clear as day and walked in. He was still focused on his work in front of him until you shut the door behind you, making him look up.

“Sir, would you mind if Detective Choi and I skipped out on the morning briefing? We now have a warrant for the arrest of the gym instructor and I want to take care of that as soon as possible. I understand if you need us to attend,” Your voice wavered as you spoke, knowing that the Captain liked to follow certain protocols.

“Absolutely, the sooner the case gets closed, the better. Do you need any back up or any other assistance?” He quickly offered,pushing his other work off to the side.You shook your head in response as you moved closer to the door. “Alright then, dismissed,” he smiled, as you walked out and over to your desk to pick up the warrant that was left for you. 

“Choi?” You looked over at San sitting on the edge of Detective Jung’s desk. He quickly looked over and stood as you nodded your head, directing him to follow you out of the building. “Let’s go catch our perp,” you smiled softly.

Driving you to the location that your target was suspected to be. “I feel like this case went by quickly,” He spoke up, sighing after his words as he realized. You hummed in agreement as he bit his lip. “About last night,” he started.

“Don’t,” you quickly spoke, making him look in your direction. “I enjoyed it and I hope we can still see each other even though this is ending,” your face turned a deep pink as San parked, looking at you in bewilderment. 

“Really?” He said, sounding shocked, as he was trying to read you. “I was too nervous to say those words to you last night but hearing them come from you seemed so much better than anything that I could’ve said,” he let out a bashful chuckle.

“I mean…yeah,” you nodded as you looked at him. “If you’d like to of course,” you followed up quickly as he nodded, a bright smile on his face as you got out of the car. “I’d love to keep talking about this but we need to do our jobs first,” you laughed, as he got out of the car. 

“Yep, I knew that,” he was trying to control the excitement evident in his voice but failed miserably. He quickly got out and followed after you as you held the door open for him. “I’m going to the lead, alright?” You quickly confirmed to make sure he was okay with it.

You walked up to the apartment and knocked on the door, he watched you carefully as you banged your fist.

“Police, open up!” You yelled out, waiting for the response. You gave it a moment then looked at San nodding in his direction as he kicked in the door. 

“Park Junho! We have a warrant for your arrest, come out with your hands up,” You called out, looking around the apartment as the bedroom door flew open. San watched him carefully as he put his hands up. “Turn around,” you ordered and he followed. “Park Junho,you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed for you,” You finished putting the cuffs on and held his arm. “Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?” You finished reciting the words that had been ingrained in your mind for the past five years.

“Hey, bag that.” You pointed at the gun that was lying on the table. San quickly did as you said, taking a picture of it to send to a fellow detective to check and see if it was registered to the suspect before sealing the bag. 

San walked down with you, holding the evidence in his pocket as Junho grumbled in the car on your way back to the station. “I’ll take him to interrogation,” San spoke up as he parked. You nodded and got out of the car, removing your perp out of the vehicle. 

“Did you need an attorney?” San questioned Junho as you walked into the precinct. Silence was the only response as San held Junho’s bicep, leading him to an interrogation room. “I’m going to let uniforms take over the questioning,” He looked at you.

“Sounds good,” you nodded and watched as he made the hand off. He took the bag out of his pocket and looked at the gun before bringing it to the lab.

“I have to bring this down but I had Jung run the serial number, it’s registered to our guy in there.” He nodded towards the hallway where he was being questioned. “It’s a nine millimeter, which matches the bullet wounds in our vic,” He looked up at you.

“I’ll go tell Captain,” you nodded and watched him walk away as you knocked on Captain Kim’s door. You cleared your throat as you entered. “I have uniforms interrogating now but we have found our guy. He has a gun registered that’s a match to the one used in the murder and his DNA was already in the system from a previous arrest, we found it under the fingernails of our victim,” You smiled as you gave the good news. A smile spread on his face as you relayed your information.

“Thank you, Detective Y/N. You've done some fine work and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome,” He praised, as you nodded and looked out the window to see San talking with some of the officers. 

“Credit also goes to Detective Choi, he did really good work,” You complimented, admiring San from a distance before returning your attention back to Captain Kim. He hummed in agreement with you.

“I also saw you have a Sergeant's exam scheduled. I’m glad you’re making that step up. You’re one of the finest detectives that I’ve had under my command. I will put in a good word with the brass,” His compliment made your eyes widen, completely surprised by his high praise. 

“Thank you, Sir,” you grinned, as he nodded and dismissed you from his office. Walking out of there made you feel like you were floating as you sat down at your desk. San laughed at your expression as he headed over  in your direction. 

“Good news?” He questioned, and you nodded quickly in response. His stare remained on you, whilst you were attempting to hide the giddiness you felt. “First date idea, I’ll help you study so you can nail that exam.” He nudged your arm as he spoke quietly so no one could over hear and you quickly nodded at his proposal. 

“I would absolutely love that,” You beamed.

[lara4eclipze]

“teach me”

sypnosis; you weren't exactly dumb but we're lazy yet when she started teaching you your grades went up—what did she do to make that happen

cw; age gap! y/n is 19 Lara is 23 , mean , teasing , smut , face sitting , dirty talk ,spoiled and rich y/n, inspired by this

original idea;@ivemiese / thankss

ALSOO happy birthday my love Lara!! , I'm so happy she's turning 19!! , gosh heres a birthday fic for the rajberries!

to say you were failing was an understatement your grades were plunging down the toilet yet you didn't do anything to change it

your parents were rich anyways you'll get the company by 5 more years , there's no point in studying

well your parents cared about your grades , tutor after tutor yet nothing worked , either you were mean to them or they quit out of pity for you

"mom I told you already these tutors are just not helping" you pout to your mom knowing she'll always fall for it

"well I still got you one — my friend Mitra recommended her to me" your mom sighs

you grunt in frustration, running up to your room muttering some profanity under your breath

—ʚɞ

school was as boring as everyday , you hated this place I mean you went to a very expensive university yet you can't seem to find people you would like to interact with

"disgusting" you scoff as an student accidentally bumps into you

after school was as worse, well atleast now you can rot in bed or go in a shopping spree

"darling your tutor came early today , shes in you room" your mother says to you before going out the door

your mom associates herself with other housewives of rich men , you told her countless times she'll just get influenced by those big head women but she never listened

you enter your room after you change into some oversized tee and short shorts

"hi there" the girl waves at you , oh. my. god. she was hot , gorgeous , smart based on how she's supposed to tutor you and god she looked so fine

"hi..y/n's the name" you said sitting next to her , shamefully (or not so) you check her out , her waist was beautiful her finger were long you wonder how it will feel inside of you

"Lara — raj , anyways I'll tutor you math and science for about 4 hours today" she said , she noticed how you didn't respond so she tsks

well that's until she realizes what you were doing...

"hey didn't your mother teach you checking out people is extremely perverted... especially when they're older than you?" she said her voice lowering

"what? I didn't — pfft what?" you try to play it off but judged by the smirk on her face you knew it wouldn't work

—✧˖*°࿐

after the day she quizzed you on the topic to make sure you understood it

"2/10? are you serious?" she questions

"what?" you ask as if it's normal

"you answered me flawlessly earlier" she reasons

"well maybe I need motivation" you snap back

her gears were turning but an idea struck her

"alright then"

obviously the time was done so she had to go, what a great start you thought, Great thing your tutor now was not boring

admittedly she is hot , a hot nerd you thought to yourself

—✧˖*°࿐

you try to find her social media online and see that she was older than you

"23?, not bad" you sigh

she posted loads of pictures, videos she looked well off why is she wasting her time tutoring spoiled rich kids then?

—✧˖*°࿐

the next day you didn't go to school since you were just lazy, plus what were you gonna do there anyways?

sit down and learn where and when Picasso farted?

although excitingly your pretty tutor was still coming today , you decided to go the extra mile and get ready for her wearing some of your skimpiest outfits

"you look great honey" your mom pipes up as she leaves the house

now we wait , you slouch in your room waiting for her , until..

"hey" she enters your room escorted by your maid

"oh hi.." you said back , deciding to pull your top down a bit

her eyes trailed down , you smirk at her reaction, ahh the hard work paid off i guess

"can we do math first" you plead to her giving her your best weapon ,doe eyes

she reluctantly agreed , chuckling at your actions

god she looked amazing with her glasses , her pierced nose, you can't even focus on what she's teaching you

"do you get it?" she asks

"yes" you replied

"okay then let's quiz you..— you know since yesterday I saw how you looked at me , so let's play a game"

"for every score over 5 you get a special prize , if you get anything lower well it sucks to be you cause you won't get anything" the older says , your eyes lit up at the mentions of prize

"alright then" you said

—✧˖*°࿐

"9/10?.. pretty good" she purrs , god her voice was like heroin so addicting but so bad for you

"tell me when you don't feel comfortable okay?" she asks , fuck being confused you needed her in you NOW

"mhm" you hum out , your heart thumping in synch with her movements her hands in your inner thighs her other one flipping up your skirt

soaked , wet , whatever it was you just needed her so bad

she ties up her hair , some strands falling to frame her face , her breathing gets heavy , the view was amazing, shes quite literally face to face with your cunt ,

"fucking slut" she tsks as she pulls away your undergarments a string of your nectar connecting it to your cunt

"'m not" you were but it felt humiliating , in a good way cause as much as you hate to admit it her degrading you with that voice is just perfect

a beat passes by and her tongue , it felt perfect, gosh her tongue passed by your tight entrance every now and then

"fuck please!" you whine , you felt like you were gonna orgasm just by this yet you needed more

"greedy girl" she says in a condescending tone , mocking the way you whined for her

finally she enters your slick entrance , her tongue reaching places you never thought of

your head lolled back as you moan her name like a mantra , your hands entangled in her hair as you push her head

"right nghm there!" you moan as she hits a particularly gummy spot in you

she chuckles , the vibration sending shockwaves through you , your eyes seeing stars your mouth open drooling due to the fact you can't go a second without moaning or even whining for her

"you close? — your greedy cunny is sucking me in" the older says as she redoubled her efforts her nose bumping your clit every now and then

"shit please! let me cum!" yes it was pathetic, but it felt oh so right ,

"hold it in for me princess" she replied

"please"

"do it or you won't get to finish at all" she threatens , her voice lowering

tears start to fall on your face due to the pleasure, sniffling while moaning, that's new

—✧˖*°࿐

"oh darling are you guys done already?" Lara bumps into your mom as she was going out the door

"yes ma'am , glad to see her improve" the red head replied

"I'm so thankful for you , I haven't seen y/n get along with any of her tutor before" the older woman excitedly said

"must be special then" Lara teased

—✧˖*°࿐

"6/10? what happened honey?" The older asks looking at your paper

your frown at her , what are you gonna get now :((

"don't worry lets make a compromise" she stands up locking your door slowly she removes her top

her abs were on display begging you to ride them , her boobs were perfect to be gagged on

next down was her skirt , along with her socks , shit her thighs were beautiful you itched to touch her

as your hands tried to make its way to her waist she slaps it

"ouch" you pout at her

"study next time , stupid girls don't get to have the privilege of getting fucked mkay?" she pouts back , teasing you as you practically were about to cry

"i hate you" you mumble

"we both know you don't" she replied, wearing her clothing

—✧˖*°࿐

"surprisingly miss her grades had been better , see it was D last semester now it's a B" your professor explains to your mother

you couldn't help but grin , I mean is this who she calls lazy?

maybe you were lazy but never ever were you dumb

"okay spill it what do you want for that grade" your mother says whilst in the car

"oh come on do you think of me so lowly mom?" you rhetorically ask

"but since you insist , can you schedule more of my tutoring with Lara?" you said trying to fight off smiling at the thought

"oh—i expected worse" your mother chuckles

"is that a yes?"

"obviously!" your mother replied happily

—✧˖*°࿐

"stupid slut" she whispers as her fingers hit all the right spots her lips on your neck

getting a score of 8 meant that she'll finger you, a win is a win yet it intrigued you what will you get for 10

"head filled with me fuckin her she can't even respond" she harshly said as she pinches your clit , and then going deeper

"please mo-mommy!" you didn't even realized it slipped out of your mouth till it did

"my whore" she spits as she fingers throb in pain , not a minute passed and you were gushing around them , she chuckles as her fingers dripped in your cum

"suck" she said as she forces her fingers in your mouth , she maintained eye contact as you gag around her digits

"perfect" she said afterwards, she carries you to bed making sure you were alright

"I'm okay" you reassure her

—✧˖*°࿐

school wasn't any better today , but good enough you got to recite here and there

going home was another story , everything was loud due to the party your dad hosted for his business partners or what ever they were

"god!" you scoff , as you open the door you were pulled in by Lara who giggles

"heard you had a good day?" she teases

"now your stalking me? , how interesting miss raj " you hum back

"Oh please " she laughs

she settles your bag in the chair near your desk , sitting down

"ready for your quiz" she asks smirking , she knew what she was doing and it's driving you crazy

"yes I studied hard for this one" you replied

"ooh you might just get what you deserve..." she trails off , you spot her grinning as you take the quiz

—✧˖*°࿐

you don't know if it was a miracle or just a dream but you were buried in between Laras thighs right now having the meal you much deserve after a long ass day

her low moans and wet noises make you go crazy

"fuck baby , go faster" she moans

you chuckle going even faster , like an animal who was starved for weeks , her cunt was perfect sweet and savory soft and so inviting it sucked you in practically

maybe hours passed and you were still down there , she was overstimulated but who cares fuck everything

"baby too much-"

"but" you give her the doe eyes and here she goes losing again

"fine" she said breathlessly as she lays back accepting your tongue again , your face dripped with her cum which was too perfect for her to see

—✧˖*°࿐

"Mom! Lara's staying for the night!" you scream

"fine" your mother replied

"eek she said yes! , now which one first" you said laying out a plethora of straps

"are you joking?" she asks

"no , now which one this one's cute pink and white"

[aemondwhoresworld]

JACAERYS VELARYON IDEAS RECCOMENDATION!

pairing: jacaerys velaryon x fem!tarlarys! reader x baela targaryen (*) | angst to fluff, happy ending, jace has 2 wifes (you can add more to it)

*MUST READ: reader is also have Valyrian blood and she also rides a dragon. the Tarlarys and Targaryen families are great-distant relatives, so in this plot, there is no incestuous relationship between Jacaerys and reader! lady Baela Targaryen is already pregnant in this idea/story.

mae: yea i know i made up the tarlarys noble house but you can change it to your own noble house name ⭐️ i wish my english is better, or maybe more about the vocab 🥲 literally wanted to write a fiction myself 😭 anyways most of my ideas are suitable for like a series/ multi-part kind of.

warning: this is just an ideas, not a full imagine/ fic/ one-shot so if any writers here want to write a fic base on this idea, all name can be change to fit your story, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE IT! 🤗✨| i wrote this idea based on this scence 👇

! A FEW SMALL NOTES :

rhaenyra being a kind mother-in-law

no hate relationship between baela and y/n

in this idea the friendship between y/n and baela is a good friendship, but in terms of closeness, it is only at the social level, helping each other when needed.

the way y/n treats jace and baela’s two children also comes from her love for children. maybe y/n often spend a lot of time embroidering for their kids. because she also wanted a child herself so that’s why

of course there will be intimate between both jace and y/n on the wedding night.

- 1 MONTH BEFORE THE BATTLE BETWEEN TEAM BLACK & GREEN HAPPEN

in this story Jace marries 2 wives, the first wife is Lady Baela Targaryen married out of love and the second wife is Lady Y/n Tarlarys out of duty.

at this time, Baela and Jace already had 2 daughters (both inherited all the beauty of both targaryen, strong features). Jace and Y/n still haven’t had children yet, of course Jace has no intention of giving his seed to his second ladywife.

talk more about y/n's personality, i potraits her as a strong women who does not show how her feeling outside, but is a bit humble and y/n also has a personality abit weird like Helaena, a bit strange, but overall she still has her own unique characteristics because she has pure Valyrian blood.

the story will begin when team black is negotiating (like the scene in the GIF), then y/n steps in, instead of the person riding on dragon's back to go into battle is Rhaenys, the one who volunteers to go into battle is Y/n. because she thinks she is an ‘not so important’ person in this family, but then also come from the pressure from her own family, the Tarlarys caused after a long time of marriage, Y/n still has no news anything about having Jace’s child in her womb, or Jace's heir. therefore, it led to an argument between Jace and Y/n about this issue, when Jace said harsh words to Y/n such as "You will never have a chance to get carry by heir, only Baela". that’s why she think the best that she disapear or maybe dead

i will go through the scene of the battle between the dragons, and in this situation Y/n did not die but was only slightly injured but not significantly. when Y/n returned to Dragonstone, she didn't want to meet Jace or anyone, perhaps in this moment when she spent all her time on herself, thinking for herself, she somehow decided to end this marriage and she also asked her father not to try to withdraw his alliance because of her respect for Queen Rhaenyra and also because of she think Rhaenyra is the rightful heir to the iron throne, not Aegon.

while waiting for a response from her father, there was a cold war between Jace and her as things gradually became more tense not a single word between them, but at the most devasted moment, Y/n finally found comfort when she became pregnant, when she learned about the babe, that the only person that Y/n told was Queen Rhaenyra, Y/n also told the truth about the absent marriage between her and Jace that only happened in 1 month like that with Rhaenyra.

maybe after their talk, Rhaenyra has told Jace about what Y/n has said and from there Jace realized her sacrifices for this family, although at this time Jace still saw her as redundant but because of her, being pregnant, Jace has gradually spent time with Y/n, although not too much, but still has time for her during the day or night. in addition, Jace also wrote a letter for the crow to send to the Tarlarys House with the hope that Y/n's father would not accept her request to annul this marriage, because Jace knew that if her father agreed and didn't know about her pregnant, when the child being born this child of his might be called 'Bastard' and of course Jace didn't want any of his children to be called that because he himself had been be like that before.

gradually, as Jace spent more and more time with Y/n, it was time for feelings to blossom, but when Y/n just felt the love from Jace, that small hope was turned off when Jace learned about Baela was also pregant with their third babe, from then on Jace seemed to disappear from Y/n's sight until Y/n went into labor and gave birth alone, after giving birth to the child. Rhaenyra came to meet Jace's first son with brown hair, slightly curly, holding the child, looking at the child with love and affection because when Rhaenyra looked at the child him she remembered her late son, Lucaerys. Jacaerys late younger brother (possibly naming the child Lucaerys Velaryon after Jace's late brother)

time passed when Lucaerys was now 3 years old, there were times when Jace would spend with Lucaerys, it could be said that for 3 years, the feelings between Y/n for Jace were always the same, always loyal towards Jace, and Jace gradually fell in love with Y/n but he never told Y/n, thus making Y/n misunderstand that Jace only cared about her because of Lucaerys. Maybe when one time while having dinner with the family, Lucaerys just ask Jace about why he don’t have any siblings, which make him feel bad so that’s when Y/n decided to sit down and talk clearly, about everything, everythings that had happen in the past 3 years, all about her loneliness and also to admitting her feelings for Jace, and maybe Jace also told her the truth. followed by days when Jace always tried to make up for Y/n about all the time that he treats her.

[sapphos-maiden]

THE INNER CIRCLE CIRCUS

(Can someone please hand me some wine because this is gonna be long...)

Inner Circle Circus stans are you guys okay cuz you're telling me that a bunch of drunkards and clowns are canonically the heads of an entire court???

• Let us start with RhySAnd

The "most powerful high lord" is clearly not the smartest because which person in power in his right mind would have such an unstable court? This man has 2/3rds of his court living in misery and only utilising them when it suits his needs. The Hewn City has been given free rein to mistreat and abuse the women population as and when they like and RhySAnd as a ruler should have implemented laws long ago! Laws are the basis of social change!! And then we have the Illyrians whom Cas*ian himself considers to be expendable pawns and the inner circle even thinks they should be wiped off the face of the earth because they couldn't be courageous enough to actively try and educate them or set laws. I mean ofc if a community that has backward tradItions and doesn't comply with you... Means that they should go through ethnic cleansing, right?

• Amren

The four-foot, possibly a felon, grandma hobbit with a bob cut who can only be mean and tyrannical is the second-in-command? She literally suggested that RhySAnd be the High King and exploit the Archeron sisters by using their powers just because all of them ended up in the Night Court. Do you hear yourself oldie??? Calling someone "girl" or "child" clearly doesn't prove that she's mature even though she might have lived for over a century.

• Morrigan

Wtf is THE MORRIGAN YALL. TRUTH TELLER FROM WHAT ANGLE😃⁉️ this bit*h was giving Nesta sh*t and telling her that she should be thrown into Hewn City or Human Lands all because she was drinking and sleeping around? HMMM I WONDER WHAT MORRIGAN DOES IN HER FREE TIME. BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T ACTIVE WORK TO HELP THE HEWN CITY, WHICH SHE IS THE INCHARGE OF. She herself is drinking and sleeping around but once Nesta does it as a coping mechanism, it isn't classy anymore? She just shows up to Hewn City in fancy and scanty clothing every now and then just to glare at them. I wonder what the women who are still going through torture must think of her. "The Morrigan" who could have maybe helped them.

• Cassian

SJM made him Nesta's mate when he really should have been RhySAnd's. Have you seen how that man tries to defend RhySAnd. And then uses his trauma to justify each one of his wrong doings and petty acts just because Nesta asked him to respect her boundaries. Literally threw a tantrum and then stalked her like a creep. Overgrown manchild istg.

• Azriel

I don't have much to say about him because he just seems like a victim of manipulation to me tbh. I wonder if he'll actually have the guts to stand up against RhySAnd's manipulation, something which Cassian seems to treat as his religion. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though I clearly don't understand how someone can be quiet all the time and actively ignore every wrongdoing.

• Feyre

The moment she learns to read... Voila! We've got a new high lady!!! Girl please get off your ass and try and help your people in the slums of Velaris who are going through the same sh*t that you once endured. Go help the Illyrian women who can never fly but whose wings you flaunt. But no she gotta paint, build her fifth mansion and then make Nesta earn her love and be redeemed so that she can live freely.

Phew- that was long. I gotta go on a vacation and revive my mental peace after reading the bs in ACOTAR.

[jeannyjaykaydeh]

Movie Lessons

(Part 3/3)

Part 2:

Part 1:

Alastor x Reader

A new day is dawning. Today you are up earlier than usual again. This time, however, you have no big plans. You just couldn't sleep anymore.

You walk down the stairs of the hotel and look around the lobby: Nobody seems to be awake yet. But before you decide to sit down at the bar and drink your tea alone, you see Alastor sitting on one of the bar stools. With his eyes lowered on the whisky glass in front of him, he seems absent-minded, as if he were in distress.

The Radio Demon and sorrow? These words don't really go together in a sentence.

You walk over to the bar to go behind the counter and make yourself a cup of tea. But just as you are about to fill the pot with water, you hear a snap of fingers and as you raise your head, you see that Alastor has conjured up a cup of freshly brewed, wonderfully fragrant tea for you.

‘Thank you,’ you say, smiling slightly shyly, and then you go to the bar stool and sit down.

You look at Alastor. He is still staring at his glass.

And then you take a deep breath and dare to ask him: ‘What's wrong?’

As if he has been torn from his deep thoughts, he jolts and looks at you, almost inconspicuously.

His smile turns into a grin that expresses false cheerfulness, and he replies: ‘What makes you think there's something wrong, my dear? Do you really think I'm one of those miserable souls trying to drown my sorrows in whisky and hoping that someone like you will play therapist and treat me? Ahaha, then you know me very badly, Y/N.’

Even though you expected this kind of reply from the radio demon, you are still a little offended and regret approaching him.

You turn away from him and pick up your teacup to inhale the fragrant vapours. You close your eyes with relish and sink into the pleasant atmosphere created by the fruity taste with a delicate hint of vanilla.

‘Anyway, how was the film?’ Alastor's voice suddenly pulls you out of your meditative state.

You open your eyes again, but keep them fixed on the cup. Slightly disgusted, you make a face and answer: ‘Pretty bad. Bad actors, hardly any action, a story with little content and insanely clichéd. For the most part, romantic films are simply unimaginative and don't exactly treat the relationship or women respectfully.’

You mutter the last sentence to yourself, but Alastor understands every single word. You can't see it, but a satisfied smile is forming on his lips as he looks at you.

He says, ‘Haha, I see what you mean, darling. Love films have no sense of truth.’

Now you turn to him again. Your look shows confusion and with a surprised laugh you ask: ‘How would you know? Since when does the great Radio Demon stoop to the level of a soap opera?’

‘Well my dear,’ Alastor raises an eyebrow and adjusts his bow tie, ’I am full of surprises, after all. But don't think that I have studied a picture box for my own amusement. And please don't think that I have even the slightest enthusiasm for inferior romantic performances. However, I am not spared the necessity to develop and learn occasionally.’

You sceptically eye the man next to you and nod hesitantly to show him that you understand what he has explained.

‘And... what have you learned?’ you now want to know, overcome with curiosity.

‘That the world can never function the way these strange stories suggest. A man will never win a woman's heart with such behaviour. This constant romanticisation of patriarchal conditions and the constant assumption that love can only be expressed through creativity and grand, extravagant acts, as well as the belief that all women want the same thing, is poison for human souls, and I am not surprised that there are so many of them in hell.’

You are momentarily taken aback. Then you realise that Alastor's critical words about patriarchy turn you on a little, and then it becomes clear to you as if with a snap of your fingers, and you remember the moment when Alastor almost killed you with a bouquet of flowers. He just said something about trying to learn something about films, and suddenly all the strange situations fall into place like pieces of a puzzle and it becomes clear what he was trying to do: he wanted to invite you on a date, and he tried to do so by looking at a method from a romantic film, copying it and trying it on you.

Your heart melts at this realisation and you now find the radio demon cuter than ever.

And you feel a little sorry for him.

There is a brief silence between you. You take a big sip of your tea cup - the tea tastes fantastic!

Then you put the cup down in front of you, think for a while and it doesn't take long for something to come to mind.

You smile slightly and reply to his speech from earlier: ‘I fully agree with you. Above all, who says that a woman always has to be wooed? She could also take the initiative and ask a man out if she is interested.’

Alastor looks at you questioningly and it seems as if he already knows the answer, because he is also good at reading between the lines. Before he can say anything, you get up from your bar stool, take his hand, kiss the back of his hand, and with an intense and charming look in his eyes, you ask: ‘Alastor. Would you like to go on a date with me?’

Amused, the radio demon begins to smile and he replies with a joking chuckle: ‘Oh, my dear Y/N. You really know what a man wants.’

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

will you please give us examples of resources to look at if we want to learn more about the concept of gender and maybe even transness in Medieval Europe? thanks!

whooooo boy right, there's a lot! I wanna start this by saying that I am very much not an expert, and I only have access to stuff I can find for free and the handful of books I can afford to buy second hand. Most of my research has been around gender as it relates to transness and GNC people. I am absolutely missing stuff, or have forgotten stuff, or simply lack the know-how to find stuff.

There's a few bits I've got on a TBR but haven't read yet - some I've included and some I haven't, depending on the source and how established it is.

Also: this is medieval Europe. The way pronouns are used to describe people don't really align with modern views of sex and gender. Also be aware of old-fashioned language use (for example, some texts talk about "hermaphrodites"). Remember that the way we talk about gender and trans identities is far different to how we even spoke about it 20 years ago.

So with that out of the way... I am chucking this under a read more, because it's long:

---

GENDER

Medieval ideas around gender were different to how we now think about it. The Hippocratic view of gender saw gender as a sort of wet/dry, cold/hot spectrum upon which men were at one end and women the other (and in the middle were intersex people). The male body was seen as hot and dry, and the female as cold and wet. The cold, wetness is what made women try to seek out heat from guys. A lot comes down to humors rather than genitals - if you're hot and dry, that innately means you grow a penis, because the heat sorta forces it out. So the marker is that penis = man, but you only have that penis in the first place because of your hot, dry humor.

Some people believed the vagina was an inverted penis - as in, the penis turned outside in. Some schools of thought believed that both men and women produced "seed", and that both were needed for conception. These thoughts and ideas shifted around a lot.

The Hippocratic view shifted towards Aristotelian ideas around the 12th Century, where the male/female divide was a lot stronger. There were also surgeons throughout all these periods who sought to "correct" intersex genitalia with surgery (how little things change).

This podcast (I've linked to a transcript, because I have more time to read than listen to things) with Dr Eleanor Janega is super interesting. In fact, I'd recommend reading her whole blog, which is fascinating. She also has a book out (but I've not read it so I can't give a yay or nay on that one)

The Meanings of Sex Difference in the Middle Ages by Joan Cadden seems to be a good source on this, but I've not read it so I can't vouch for it 100%.

I've listed below some real people who could fit into our modern interpretation of transness, and the fact that all of these people were only "outed" when arrested or at their death makes me think that there were probably a lot more people at the time who would also fit into this category. It does feel (to me, a layman) that you could rock up in a new town and go "hello I'm Jeff the Man" and people would just accept that.

It's also important to note that the majority of sources I've found are about people we could define as trans men (FTM). I've only found one person who could be described as a trans woman. If anyone out there has more sources for trans women, I'd love to hear them - specifically in medieval Europe/England.

There's also a big discussion to be had around the idea of women dressing as men to achieve a goal. People love getting into arguments about it. My general rule is that if someone lived as X gender, and was forcibly outed against their will or at death, then I feel we can more safely assume that their experience maps more closely onto a trans narrative than it does one of a woman taking on the "disguise" of a man.

---

TRANS & GNC ACADEMIA

Here's some of the sources I've been using that examine medievalism through a trans or trans-adjacent lens.

Trans and Genderqueer Subjects in Medieval Hagiography, Alicia Spencer-Hall & Blake Gutt - a deep dive/collection of essays about medieval religious figures/saints through a trans lens, specifically about cross-dressing figures. Really fascinating, and available on open access.

How to be a Man, Though Female: Changing Sex in Medieval Romance, Angela Jane Weisl - goes into detail about medieval texts in which characters change their sex.

Transgender Genealogy in Tristan de Nanteuil, Blake Gutt - trans theory in the story Tristan de Nanteuil.

Trans Historical: Gender Plurality before the Modern, edited by Greta LaFleur, Masha Raskolnikov & Anna Kłosowska - A great big examination into trans history/gender. I desperately want this book.

Clothes Make the Man, Female Cross Dressing in Medieval Europe, Valerie R. Hotchkiss (book, no online source available) - Another look into women dressing as men and gender inversion.

The Shape of Sex, Leah DeVun (book) - A history of nonbinary sex, 200 - 1400BC. Not read this one yet but it's on my TBR.

In fact, I'd recommend all of Leah DeVun's work, which I'm currently making my way through. I'm currently reading Mapping the Borders of Sex.

The Third Gender and Aelfric's Lives of Saints, Rhonda L. McDaniel - An examination into the idea of a "third gender" in monastic life based around chastity and spiritualism

Erecting Sex: Hermaphrodites and the Medieval Science of Surgery, Leah DeVun - an essay about "corrective" surgery on intersex individuals in the 13th/14th centuries. (I've not fully read this one yet but the topic is relevant)

----

TRANS FIGURES

Joseph/Hildegund (died 1188) - A monk who, upon his death, was discovered to have a vagina/breasts.

Eleanor Rykener (1394) - A (likely) trans sex worker arrested in 1394 (and another source that isn't wiki)

Katherina Hetzeldorfer (killed 1477) - An early record of a "woman" being executed for female sodomy. Katherina dressed and presented as a man, and some scholars read them as a trans man.

Marinos/Marina the Monk (5th Cent) - A monk who was born a woman and lived as a man in a monastery. Marinos was accused of getting a local innkeeper's daughter pregnant. Their "true sex" was discovered upon their death.

-----

ROMANCES* & GENDER

If you're interested in the idea of gender presentation and trans-adjacent stories, I very much recommend taking a look at some contemporary sources. I've tried to take a sort of neutral approach to pronouns for these descriptions, but it's hard to marry the medieval and modern ideas of sex and gender! The titles are all links.

*Romances here means Chivalric Romances: prose/verse narratives about chivalry, often with fantastic elements. Not, like, falling in love Romances.

Le Roman de Silence (13th Cent) - in order to ensure inheritance, a couple raise their daughter as a boy. The baby is called Silence/Silentius/Silentia. The poem features the forces of Nature and Nurture, who argue about Silence's "true" gender - Nature claims they're a girl, and Nurture claims they're a boy. Silence has a variety of adventures, largely referred to in the text as a man with he/him pronouns, and at the end their "true gender" is discovered and, as a woman, they marry the king.

Yde et Olive (15th Cent) - to avoid being married to their own father, Yde, a woman, disguises themselves as a man and becomes a knight. They end up in Rome, where the king marries them to their daughter, Olive. After a couple of weeks, Yde tells Olive about their "true gender", but the conversation is overheard. The King demands Yde bathe with him to prove they are a man. An angel intervenes and transforms Yde's body into that of a man.

Iphis and Ianthe (Greek/Roman myth, but also in Ovid's Metamorphois, which first came to England in the 15th Cent) - Telethusa is due to give birth, but her husband tells her that if the baby is a girl he'll have it killed. When she gives birth to a girl, she disguises the baby as a boy. Eventually, Iphis is engaged to Ianthe. (Incidentally, this is also a really early example of same-sex romance, as Iphis struggles with their love for Ianthe "as a woman"). Before the wedding, Iphis and Telethusa pray at the temple of Isis, who transforms Iphis into a man.

Tristan de Nanteuil (11th/12th Cent) - from the Chanson de geste, after his alleged death, Tristan's wife, Blanchandin/e, disguises themselves as a Knight. Clarinde, a sultan's daughter, falls in love with them. Blanchandin manages to hide their "true sex", but when Clarinde demands they bathe with her to prove they are a man they flee into the woods. There, they meet an angel who asks if they want to be transformed into a man. Blanchandin accepts and he is turned into a man for the rest of the poem. (Incidentally the angel gives him a giant cock. Yes, the text specifies this).

Le Livre de la mutation de fortune (1403) - written in the first person by Christine de Pizan, the poem describes how the narrator is transformed by Fortune into a man after the death of their husband during a storm at sea. They maintain that 13 years after the event, they are still living as a man. (They also mention Tiresias, a Greek mythological figure who was a man transformed into a woman for seven years).

Okay, for now - that's about all I can think of. Happy reading!

[justwhisperingfantasies]

@fandom-free-bingo Square: "I Would Never Do You Wrong." @alphabetquest Prompt: "Explain it to me again.

Pairing: Beau Arlen -x- Reader!Deputy (Nickname Rouse)

Warnings: Angst, Gun Violence, Hurt Reader, Heart Break, Hurt/Comfort, Drinking, Cheating,

Summary: Beau is tired of seeing your heart break. This time will be the last.

Word Count: 1,780

Special Thank To @copperboom82 My Forever Beta Bestie 🫶

My Master List

My Tag List

Beau looked over as you turned your phone screen off with a sigh. “Let me guess,” he spoke up.

“I don’t want to talk about.”

“He can’t make dinner,” he continued, ignoring your protest. “Not surprised, although it is your what? Two year anniversary?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about, Beaufort.”

The engine of his Land Rover filled the silence as the tension floated between you. You looked at the clock of the radio.

“So, explain it to me again…”

“Wow, managed to keep quiet for a whole two minutes,” you quipped, giving him a smile. “What is it, Sheriff?”

“He cancels plans, flirts with other women, always going out with the guys, some nights he doesn’t even come home,” Beau rambled on, though it wasn’t anything you hadn'theard before.

“So you were eavesdropping?”

“No, not eavesdropping,” he grinned

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, my mistake.” He opened his mouth but shut it when you continued. “I guess me talking to my best friend alone in my office was an open conversation.”

“My point is… why do you stay with him?”

You sighed as you eyes shifted to the greenery out the car window. “It’s not all bad.”

“I just don’t get it, Rouse,” Beau whispered, stopping at the stop sign, with only one more block to go, Maybe if you ignored the question, he would just let it go - probably not though. “You deserve someone better,” he said, proving you right. “A good guy, someone that would treat you right and put you first.”

“Well, if you happen to meet prince charming, go ahead and give him my number,” you quipped, earning a chuckle from him.

“What if he -”

“Why is Emily here?” you asked cutting him off, hoping to change the subject.

“Hm, not sure,“ he said as his brows furrowed, finding his daughter sitting on the bench outside of the Sheriff’s station. “Let’s go find out.”

“Hey Em, you ok?” Beau asked as the two of you walked up the sidewalk.

“Hey dad,” she greeted him, wrapping her arms around his middle. “I’m fine. Though I’m actually here to talk to y/n.”

Beau’s eyebrows raised. “Really? Something you can’t talk to me about?”

”It’s more of a feminine question.”

“Ok, I am out,” Beau announced as his cheeks got red. “I’ll be inside if you need me.”

You both watched as he disappeared through the door. “Alright, what's up?” you asked turning back to Emily.

Your office door creaked as Beau knocked and he poked his head in, dramatically scanning the room.

“What are you doing?” you asked him as his head kept swiveling.

“Just making sure I'm not walking in on a private conversation,” he smirked.

“Oh my gosh, you're freaking hilarious.” He chuckled at your sarcastic tone.

“So...”

“So...” you echoed as you continued writing your notes from the traffic stop this morning.

“You gonna tell me what my daughter wanted to talk to you about?”

“Haven't you learned your lesson about private conversations?” you quipped, making him sigh. “She just wanted the number for a nice drug dealer.” He bit back a smile. “Don't worry I steered her away from the cartel and gave her Stabby Joe’s number.”

Beau’s head lifted as his laughter rippled through the air. “Yeah, Stabby Joe was definitely the way to go.”

“I know,” you chuckled.

“Seriously though, she’s ok right?”

“Yes Beau, I would tell you if it was major.” His eyebrows raised still trying to pry the subject from you. “Our little Emily likes a boy.”

“God, please tell me you didn’t give her boy advice.”

“And just what the hell do you mean by that?” you asked leaning back in your chair as your arms folded across your chest.

“Well y/n, you don't have the best track record in that category.”

“And you're one to talk, Beaufort.”

His brow quirked. “Somethin’ you wanna say?”

“Actually-”

“Arlen, y/ln!” Jenny shouted as she rushed into your office. “We got ‘em”

You jumped to your feet, Beau already on his. “Let’s go,” he ordered.

“Here,” Beau said handing you a bullet proof vest from his backseat.

“Beau, this is gonna be way too big on me,” you argued, looking at the size. “Wait, you keep a vest for me in your truck?”

“Of course I do,” he chuckled, his eyes staying forward and a smile spreading across his face. “Have you met you?”

“I got shot one time…”

“Well, that will be the only time, if I can help it.” He looked over, his face hard. “That’s an order deputy.”

You pulled the vest over your heard with an eyeroll. “Yes sir.”

“Thank you,” he said pulling into the apartment complex.

“Number 14, second floor,” Jenny's voice came though the walkie.

“Copy that,” Beau responded, strapping his vest “You ready?” You gave him a nod after strapping your won vest on. “Alright.”

Beau walked ahead of you - of course he would go first, he always went first - his pistol securely pointed at the ground. He reached his hand behind him brushing your thigh as you approached the door.

“1… 2… 3…” Beau whispered right before kicking in the door. You were right behind him, gun drawn scanning the room. “Clear, going right.”

“6,” you shouted, letting him know you were behind him.

“Going left,” Pop cried out, and Jenny responded to him same as you.

Beau reached the hallway, looking back to you before he rounded the corner. “Clear.” You followed behind him, stopping at the first door. “I'll take this one, you take that one.” He said, gesturing the second door.

You nodded and continued on your way. You opened the door and your vision went white; you gasped for air as something hit your chest. Then again as you fell to your back.

“y/n!” Beau’s voice a whisper over the ringing in your ears.

‘Breathe, just breathe’ Your lungs relaxed once they started getting oxygen again.

“Jenny! Pop!” you heard Beau’s frantic voice. “Rouse, tell me you’re ok.”

You opened your mouth, trying to yell back at him, but nothing came out.

“Beau, we’ll cover you, get her the hell out of here.”

Gunshots fired over the now dull chimes. You felt something pull on the shoulder straps of your vest “Y/n, open your eyes,” Beau pleaded, the gunshots getting softer as you felt the carpet stinging your limp arms. “Open your eyes damnit!”

“Can you… stop yelling at me,” you managed to croak out.

Beau sighed in relief, “You scared the shit outta me, Rouse.” He sat up, your back against something hard - you guessed the outside wall of the complex. “Were you hit?” he asked as his fingers fumbled with the straps of your vest.

“Chest... hurts.”

“Well, that’s to be expected.”

Opening your eyes you looked up at him, not being able to stop the smile from spreading across your face. “Beau.”

“Come on, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No.”

“Don’t argue with me right now.”

His fingers stopped when your hand cupped his cheek. “Beau, I’m not hit. The vest got it.”

“You’re sure?” His eyes searched yours for some sigh of doubt, maybe? “I think you should still go.”

“I am fine. A little sore. Go help Jenny.”

“Not needed,” Jenny contested, pushing the perp through the front door in handcuffs. “We got him, you take her.”

“You’re going,” Beau demanded as a groan pushed past your lips.

"I told you I was fine," you smarted, climbing into the Land Rover's passenger seat. Beau nodded, staying silent as he starred out the windshield. "What's wrong?"

He cleared his throat "Nothing. Am I dropping you off at home?"

“Yeah… Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

“Yep.”

The rest of the drive was quiet. You knew he was lying, but you decided not to push. You had been through enough for the day and he had just saved you, he deserved to be cut some slack.

“Who’s car is that?” Beau asked, snapping you out of your thoughts as he pulled into your driveway.

“Um, not sure…”

He nodded. “Call me if you need me.”

“Ok?”

“I just got a feeling.” He grabbed your hand as you started to turn toward the door. “ I love you, Rouse.”

“I love you too, Beaufort.”

Beau tossed the remote on the couch with a huff; he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think. Well that wasn’t true - there was one thing that managed to keep his attention. He sat up reaching for his phone on the coffee table. Before he could stop them his fingers opened their text conversation and started typing.

Hey hope everything is ok, by the way who

“No,” he said out loud holding the delete button down, he thought for a second and started typing again.

Rouse, I’m sorry I was such a dick, I was just scared to

He let a growl as he held down the delete button once more.

How are you feeling?

He nodded hitting send. The three little bubbles flashed on the screen within seconds.

Are you home?

Yes.

The bubbles disappeared, his eyes moved to the clock in the top right corner of the screen. After 5 minutes past he started typing again.

Are you ok?

No bubbles, no reply. He waited 10 minutes this time.

Could you answer me

Just as he hit send there was a knock on his door.

“I brought tequila.” she said, holding up the bottle. His heart sank, her eyes red and puffy, her makeup smeared. Still as beautiful as ever though.

Beau gestured her inside, opening the door all the way open. “What did the son of a bitch do now?” he asked shutting the door.

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

“Y/n,” Beau whispered

“You were right, ok?” she said voice cracking as tears welled in her eyes. “Is that what you wanna hear?”

“Hey,” Beau said as he stepped over to her, wrapping his arms around her. “You know better than that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened.” He could feel the dampness through his shirt as she sobbed into his chest.

“That other car was Amy - some slut he’s been hooking up with.” She mumbled. “I just don’t get it. All men do is break your heart and do you wrong. I am so sick of it.”

“Hey, hold up there. There’s still some good guys out there...”

“Oh yeah? Like who?” she asked looking up at him.

Beau took a deep breath, “Woman, you’re so damn stubborn.”

“Right back at cha bucko,” she smarted, making him chuckle. “Seriously though, Beau Who?”

“You know,” and his fingers traced up her neck, stopping at her chin, “I would never do you wrong.”

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