#maybe this is tmi or watever

[paterday]

The funniest friend break up I ever had ended with them telling me to kys and then me going to school like everything was perfectly normal cuz I gotta stay on that highschool grindset

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

im ok - yah  

wanna play guitar more than able a good sign - i feelz like the health jest bloomin all over like a rash - then i duz something  - small load of dishes - duz  ( DUZ wuz - actually a dish detergent lol )  - means standing in place less than 10 minutes  or maybe 15 - im slow and window gaze often  and rhythmically moving arms - exhaustion leg pain ragged breathing by the time i finis lol - nbd - not bein macho like a ppl inna village either - i get breath back no prob - sit - maybe lay down for a minnit 

or 

an hour - watever it dont matter - i dont have to be any wear or clothes even tho t  without even he dont - tmi az per usual

just to b clear as fuck cuz imma seein signs - not just on tumblr 

tho nobody i actually follow 

but

I GOT NO TRUCK WITH ANYTHING THAT IS HATE 

racist homophobic misogynist any kind of hateful bullshit cruelty toward anybody ....

and yah there is a lot of weird fukken shit

i been down the conspiracy rabbit hole thoroughly - tho not for over a decade - but i look around - same as it ever was  - every single conspiracy theorist i have been able to track down to core beliefs has been racist  - w drum roll cuz thru the ages - the most prominent group under attack  

as always

jews 

then muslims 

and every poc - unless said conspiracy is in  one of those groups - altho sometimes - even then 

k 

lets get back to caturday 

we oughtta b dancing singing playing some of us r as best we can 

some day we b together 

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

ware 2 start - at the beginning - i gess that b light - no word was - anyway bae not that far back maybe  

its not even late - yet - but fuck the day is long  - and wat the fuck is wrong w boring i ask u for a change 

this is - tho not apparent - speeking of parents - some ppl should never have children or even b allowed to b around them  - this is a watchamacallit to quote liam - a post mortem of my performance - yah 

ok i know - i start w crying onna bus on the way to madrone - im tawking streaming down my face and snot coming out no tissue   - im ok lest a bit a little maudlin since the heart attack - lets chalk it up to but theres always more to the story - wait isnt the picture that meets the i and i  - therz a rasta but that is another story 

a chill eve - im wishing someone would come perform w me - its more fun - tho there is a satisfaction to sitting down alone with an instrument and voice - didnt bring efx  - pouring heart and soul out of voice and fingers - prob the vocal performance of my life - on mic mostly and for t belting it out  and - oh yah the bus - so i “wrote “ a song - just using standard blues form and a handful of words - and fuck yah i play it - specially cuz the 3 performers in front of me had every gadget known - loopers efx drum beats - looped handclaps even - i awmost add ffs but ppl duz the best they can - maybe im jealous cuz tech hate me  - plug straight in pa my guitar  - nothing hiding the sound or mistakes - the begiining - tho envision fast - i decide to bring it on down for a minute imma john lee hooker low chill dirty blues - i even get distortion idk how but sometimes blondie my guitar is magic 

yah vita didnt make it - nbd except and thats another story and not mine to tell - fam sux sometime tho 

played hurts to liv cuz theres no guitar ego innit - i actually have solos worked out for when theres 2 guitars or at least another instrument  - finished w crash and burn cuz havent played it in long time  - missed a few chords - 1 at a time - actually i kept omitting 1 - played seamless thru the mistakes mostly i think - and sloppy vicious grunge not quite solos but noisy walls for sure  

newsflash - photo of 2 smiling teens appraised at 1 million words  and priceless 

it wuz john lennon primal during janov   - im empathing pain from everywhere lately  - thank gawdess’s green and other and grace from so many 

during parts of days - i feel it - grace good wishes hope strength and yah love  - lots of it from tumblr  theres more ppl on tumblr who really know me than in 3d but that number keeps growing  - i send same in every birdsong daily and more often 

its a different magic - completely solo  - cuz 1 exponentialed to infinity is always 1  - exponentialed should b a wurd btw imo 

i could hear the ppl tawking while i wuz playing - during the quiet parts - it didnt bother me might even have inspired just a bit - and we all do it and dont mean - a word exchanged - a hi turns into conversation - sometimes about how much we like a performer  - i dont take it personal 2 much anymore well maybe for a moment  

fuck its late now how the fuck that happen - late dinner endless laundry - i got to get at least fuck all done on the occasion  - thot i b in bed by 1 but u know wat they say about shit 

no imma not gonna end a poem w shit  

a fuck maybe lol u know i mean fuck yah 

no not that kind but that b ok i gess if i wuznt so tired - and the unpoet asleep and exhausted 

too fukken much tmi t ffs 

lets seee 

oh 

theres a kitty  ( again thank gawd in all her their watever manifestations at best poorly understood and yah maybe a delusion but tbh i dont have that much problem w delusions that are filled w love which the same say delusion as well if not a psychosis - or is that only romantic love  - fuck t it too late for religious speculation about  - well 

anything

t - the kitty 

ty 

she is a good one 

always 

love