#maybe the headache that's been lasting for over 24 hours already

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

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[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

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Contains/TW: not really a ton of tws for this one if any! just general funny banter and i SWEAR on god that millie has game 😤 anyways! glad to finally be back! probably could’ve carried this on longer but i figured you had waited long enough <3

WC: 4.3k

Part V

The Alchemy

Caitlyn probably lived in what Americans could’ve called a ‘frat house’. A large co-ed ‘almost’ mansion on Oxford campus specifically for upperclassmen. For a while now it had felt more like hers with tenants however. People moved in and out every semester, she stayed.

Whenever I woke up I was already tucked into Caitlyn’s bed, the same fancy silky sheets she had insisted on always having and getting me too. From next to the bed Ellie’s green eyes blinked, a hand extended as if in an offering. “Hey, morning, sunshine.” She said with a weak smile. I stretched a hand over to enclose around hers, squeezing as if afraid I’d lose myself the moment I let go.

“How long was I out?” I whispered in a hoarse voice.

Ellie blew out a long sigh and brought her free hand forward, gently brushing her soft fingers against a tear streaked cheek. “Long enough to hopefully make up for last night? You’re not quite to 8 hours yet but… almost.” A look of guilt filled her expression, puppy dog eyes almost as her brows furrowed together and eyes widened. Innocent eyes. Gentle eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I never should’ve let you go in there without me.”

“Els, it’s not your job to be there 24/7.” I shook my head in denial. A sharp pain seemed to shoot through my skull the moment I attempted to push myself up to a sitting position. The post breakdown headaches were always the worst. Concussion-level pain that made the room spin the moment I tried to move myself at all.

“Careful, don’t sit up too fast.” Ellie moved forward in worry, a strong arm slipping around my shoulders as she slid into the empty spot next to me. “I know it isn’t my job, persay, but… I still have this awful sense of self importance that makes me feel like if I was there it- it would’ve been easier.”

“Ego dissolution, remember?” I questioned as I attempted to twist around to face her. A little flush growing on her cheeks at the subtle call out.

“You’re right, ego dissolution.” She remarked, a soft thumb stroking my shoulder from where her arm still stayed draped around me. “We can go a different day… maybe whenever there’s classes and there isn’t too many people there. Besides, you definitely need to sign up for The Oxford Writers because they’re in charge of the student publication that comes out every semester. Plus I think they even have like slam poetry events and-”

“Els, I just lost the plot entirely just at the mere thought of entering the first day of club rush. What makes you think I can get up on a stage in front of people and read some of the most personal things I’ve ever written in my entire life!” I exclaimed probably with exactly the flourish you’d need to be a slam poet.

“But what about getting published? I mean, people need to actually read your stuff to get published.”

“Actually reading it aloud in front of a bunch of people is a totally different thing.” I added with a little shake of my head. “I’m definitely going to join it’s just- I don’t know about actually performing at these events myself.” I remarked as I slumped down in the bed, letting my body slightly flop over onto Ellie’s. Her arms slid around me like always, letting me rest my head against her slowly growing bicep. “There’s something really really wrong with me, Els.” I whispered, eyebrows furrowing together as I felt that same ache forming in my chest.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” I could practically already see the shake of her head as she bent forward to place her lips against my throbbing temple as if she wanted to kiss the pain away. “You’re just… you. Beautiful, and talented, and kind, and smart, and brave…”

“I don’t think I’m very brave.” I denied, tilting my head backwards against her chest until I could see her peering down at me.

“Being scared doesn’t mean you can’t be brave.” I shifted in her arms as she spoke, whirling around to face her until I was nearly being cradled in her lap, as if I was a bride about to be swept up and carried over the alter. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re going through a lot. But you make it through every single time. And that’s brave.” My eyes softened as I looked into her green ones, gentle and grounding eyes that changed my life the moment they first saw me.

“Promise me something, Els?” I murmured just before lifting a curled together fist, pinky finger extended. “Promise me we’ll never grow apart. Even whenever love tries to complicate things like it, you know, tends to do. Just… p-promise me you’ll always be here?”

The corner of Ellie’s lips just barely twitched upwards in a mini smile before she blew out another heavy sigh of her own. “Always and forever, Mills.” She wrapped her own pinky around mine, a secondary promise to the first one we had made in the hospital. A friendship based entirely off of pinky promises and trust, it was stronger than I could’ve ever expected it to be. “Is this about your date with Vi?” She wondered after a passing moment, her arm still wrapped around me as I settled my head back against her chest.

“It’s not really a date.” I spoke in a muffled voice with my face buried into her hoodie.

“Hmmm, let’s see… Webster’s Dictionary refers to a date as ‘a social engagement between two people that often has a romantic character’-”

“I know what a date is, you fuck!” I groaned as I gave her another playful shove before promptly rolling off of her with a huff.

“Really? Because you seemed to be a little confused-“

“It’s just I’ve… never really been on a date before.” I spoke almost nervously as I hugged my knees to my chest with a small frown.

“Well, that much is definitely obvious.”

“Ellie!” I whined as I smacked an embarrassed hand against my face.

“Okay okay… relax, I’ll be serious for a sec.” She added though not being able to fight back her own little giggle. “Do I need to give you the unbiased version of ‘the talk’ not from somebody you’re related to or…”

“No, she- she promised she didn’t wanna see me just because of that.” I flushed almost painfully as I fiddled around with my fingers currently wrapped around my shins. “That- That kind of stuff still freaks me out.”

“I get it.” She was back to being soft again as she leaned back against the headboard. “Virginity itself is such an archaic term anyways, it’s so stupid. Just make sure she takes care of you or else they’ll never find her body.”

I let out a giggle at her statement even though I wasn’t entirely sure she was joking, and the look on her face read that she wasn’t. From outside the door however our conversation was quickly interrupted by the typical sound of whisper yelling bleeding through the paper thin walls. “Don’t, Vi! Don’t! She has finally been sleeping for once since she got here-”

“Did you give Ellie the same shit whenever she got here?! Or is it just because you have this fucked up personal goal to never let me near her? Is that it?!”

“If Ellie makes her feel fucking safe then she never has to get my approval to stay with her while she’s asleep!” Caitlyn seethed, and meanwhile the arguing only felt like it was going to do my head in.

With a glare forming on my face I swung my legs over the side of the bed to finally stand up. “Mills, be careful, you could still be dizzy.” Ellie was up to her feet with a start as she rushed over to my side. I hissed in pain at the pounding in my head, hands latching onto Ellie’s arms as if to better hold myself steady. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I think there’s pain medicine in your bag.” She slowly lead me forward until everything came back into focus.

“Guys, it’s okay, I’m awake.” I voiced once I swung open the door nearly causing the arguing pair to jump in response.

Caitlyn’s face visibly softened as she peered down at me, arms still folded across her chest much like they were every time her and Vi argued. Which seemed to be a regular occurrence nowadays. “Hey darling, how’re you feeling?” She asked, reaching a hand out to gently rub my arm.

“I’m okay, my head’s just… pounding.” I answered, trying to massage out one of the aches that stretched across my eyebrows. From behind me I felt Ellie pressing two pills into my free hand before holding out my water bottle. “Thanks.” I voiced before tossing them both back almost without swallowing a drop of water.

“Cait, let’s give them a second to talk, okay?” Ellie cautiously began, extending an arm out to grab Caitlyn’s arm as if she was a rapid zoo animal, just waiting for a lashing. One look seemed to communicate it all though, you won’t stop her from seeing her. She’ll find a way regardless.

“Fine, but I’m just downstairs.” I wasn’t sure if she meant it as a threat towards Vi or if she was trying to reassure me, but either way she let Ellie take her arm to lead her down the hallway. All the while Ellie glancing back over her shoulder at the two of us to shoot us a knowing wink.

“Uhhh sorry… about that.” I spoke with nearly bright red cheeks as I twisted around to face her. “Caitlyn can be kind of… ummm, intense, but I guess you know that already. Do you do the same thing with Jinx’s suitors or-?”

Vi only laughed with a little shake of her head, muscles bulging even as she just simply crossed her arms. “Oh hell no, Jinx would kill them before I even got the chance. You, on the other hand…” She added, the lightest hand reaching upwards to grasp my chin as she ever so slightly nudged it upwards. “Look like you’d let someone walk all over you if it wasn’t for Caitlyn.”

“Having an overprotective sister certainly helps.” I shrugged, the pink tint on my cheeks only growing more and more by the second.

“So,” she began with a clear of her throat, my breath catching in my own as I felt her hands unravel to cup the side of my face. “How’re you feeling?”

“Embarrassed.” I huffed, leaning right into her touch however, lifting a hand upwards to wrap around her wrist. Only in some attempt to get her to draw closer. “Sure you still wanna be seen with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She answered with a softened expression, the lightest touch brushing underneath my cheekbone as she pulled me in. Sometimes I wondered if her cologne had pheromones in it, something akin to laughing gas that had me losing all sense of control. I think I would’ve given anything to not be someone who fell so easily. I know I barely knew her, but it didn’t take much whenever you were me. I also knew, deep down, how much I wanted love. How desperately I found myself searching for it in every unlikely place. Every place that I just had a sneaking suspicion would hurt me. “C’mon baby, come back to me.”

“Hmmm?” I hummed against her chest before I could feel her nudging my chin upwards to meet her face once more. I didn’t even realize how much things seemed to disappear whenever she held me until she was nudging me back to reality.

“You got quiet there for a second, I… wanted to make sure you hadn’t dozed off.” She chose her words carefully, a slight hint making me feel like they actually implied something else.

“Sorry I uhhh, I’m okay. Just kind of spaced out there for a second I think.” I chuckled nervously with a little shake of my head. “Do you… you know, still wanna see me tonight?”

“As long as you still wanna see me. I know you’ve had kind of an eventful day.” I flushed once more as I let out an airy chuckle just before I caught myself dragging my fingers up her muscular arm. “I do know if you keep touching me like that though I’m gonna have to see you.”

“Sure you’re not just a smooth talker?” I let a little smirk tug on my lips as I softly drew my fingers along her bicep like it was the most delicate thing on the planet. And I could’ve sworn I nearly heard her breath hitch.

“Yeah no… I’m gonna need to see you. For sure.” She slotted my chin in between her thumb and forefinger, lips hovering just inches from mine as she was waiting for permission or trying to tease to the best of her ability. Either way it drove me crazy. “Pick you up at 8?”

“You better.”

~

“You may enter!” Ellie called out in a sing song voice the moment I lifted my fist to knock on her cracked door. “What’s up?” She said with a sweet smile as she swiftly paused whatever game she was in the middle of. Though with one glance I could already see her eyes going wide before she sent the controller flying across the bed as she whipped around to face me. “Woah.”

I snickered a bit to myself with a little flush before spinning to face her full body mirror currently leaning haphazardly against the wall, “Do you like it? You don’t think it’s too much?” I wondered with a tilted head, back to studying my appearance in the mirror. Maybe the navy blue sweater was a bit too similar to Caitlyn, and had I gone for jeans rather than the black skirt I currently had on it definitely would’ve been. But I at least hoped that that would’ve thrown it off enough.

“Y-Yeah, I-I mean yeah, you look… wow. Y-You look really good. Like, really good.” I heard her stammer as she rose up to her feet, gnawing on her bottom lip. “I-I mean not to say that I haven’t always thought that you were beautiful because you are but-”

“Els, breathe, it’s okay.” I laughed, lifting my hands as if to tell her to relax, and on cue I could already hear the expelling of a long breath from her lips. “Now… do you think you can help me put these on?” I wondered as I unearthed the pearl necklace from my pocket, though the action didn’t seem to calm Ellie down any.

“H-Holy shit, am I going to get hit by an ancient curse the second I hold these?” She stammered with widened eyes as I dropped the pearls into her palm.

“Of course, your bloodline is screwed for at least the next ten generations.” I joked with a little smirk as I whipped around to face the mirror once more, lifting my long mane of hair out of the way.

“Good thing the cursed Williams bloodline dies with me then.” She added as she gently wrapped the necklace around my neck and fiddled around with the clasp for at least a hot minute before finally securing it.

“Oh yeah? Going for a childless cat lady kind of look?” I hummed with a light touch to the pearls as I whirled back around to face her.

“More like a childless dog lady, not that I should ever be expected to take care of another living being.” She shrugged casually causing me to let out a little chuckle as I stepped forward to slip my arms around her.

“Well, you’re at least a pretty damn good friend.” I muttered as I let my cheek rest against her shoulder. “I do feel really bad… you know, leaving you by yourself already whenever we just moved in.”

“Don’t love, seriously, it’s okay.” Ellie whispered, lifting an arm upwards to hold my head. “Go make friends, fall in love maybe… I’ll be okay, and I’ll be right here, regardless.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t do the same.” A little frown formed on my face as we pulled away. And I hated how hesitant I felt to do anything that Ellie wasn’t involved in. I know it was unhealthy, I didn’t need anyone to tell me that. But from the moment I met her it was as if there was some invisible string tied between the two of us.

“I will… I’m sure I will, just don’t worry about me, okay? Honestly, I mean I spent the first 16 years of my life alone. One night isn’t gonna kill me.” She brushed off with a weak smile before the sound of a knock on the door interrupted us both.

“Oh god… I didn’t realize it was almost 8. A-Are you sure I look okay?” I stammered, not even noticing the anxious pit that had grown in my stomach until I finally stole a glance at the clock.

“You look beautiful, now c’mon don’t leave her standing out there.” Ellie urged with a laugh as she gave me another gentle push towards the front door.

My eyes widened in surprise once I saw both of the brightly colored heads of the siblings however once I threw the door open. “Oh, Jinx! Hey-”

“Hey lesbians!” She interrupted with a grin just before sweeping inside without a second thought.

“Sorry, she insisted on keeping Ellie company while we were out and apparently she lives in the same complex so-” Vi began with an embarrassed tint to her cheeks.

“This unit’s so much nicer than mine though. Damn Ellie, are you also a nepo baby or something? Oh well, I guess being bffs with a Kiramman helps.”

“Oh my god, do you ever stop yapping?” Vi groaned to herself causing me to let out a tiny chuckle.

“No, it’s okay… open door policy here.” Ellie said with a nervous little smile of her own, cheeks reddened as if slightly amused herself.

“Yeah, stay as long as you want.” I repeated before finally letting my eyes sweep briefly up towards Vi. Still in that same leather jacket with a maroon button up underneath this time, undone just enough to drive me nuts and have to work twice as hard to keep myself from ogling. “So… ummm, a-are you ready?”

“Whenever you are.” She said with a little jingling of her keys before offering a hand for me to take.

“Vi, take care of her or else I’ll kill you, got it?” I heard Ellie’s protective voice over the anxious roaring in my ears.

“Yeah! And I’ll help!” Jinx exclaimed defiantly as she popped out from behind her.

“Alright, down tigers…” Vi snickered before I felt the weight of her muscular arm encircling around my shoulders, my heart stuttering to a skip in my chest as she did so. “I’ve got her.”

“I’ll see you later, Els?” I spoke just before lifting a little hand to give the two a wave.

“See you, Mills, have fun.” She remarked with another soft and subtle smile before letting the door slowly drift shut.

“Wow, you’re an American foreign exchange student with a car, I’m actually impressed.” I couldn’t help but flush even harder once we made it outside. An endless burn to my cheeks as we approached the large truck currently parked quite illegally on the curb.

“Really? I guess that’s a good thing, Kiramman’s seem quite difficult to impress.” She teased lightly as she trailed behind me towards the passenger side door.

“We can be, I’m not saying you don’t have your work cut out for you.”

“Well, challenge accepted.” The corners of her lips upturned in a smirk that made my insides twist, the raised entrance to the passenger seat not at all helping as she pulled the door open. “May I?” She questioned with an extended hand.

“You may.” I said with a small smile of my own as I slipped my hand into hers. She held my balance well as she hoisted me up into the vehicle, a gentle hand sliding around my back as if to keep me steady.

“To be fair, trucks are kind of hard to come by in england… Oxford specifically. You think it would be more because of the whole… you know, people moving into uni thing but-” my cheeks heated all over again as I watched her curious eyes scanning over me once she was situated behind the wheel. “S-Sorry I’m yapping. I- I yap a lot whenever I get nervous.”

Vi let her head tilt slightly, that same little smirk remaining on her lips. And I swear it was going to drive me crazy one day, if it hadn’t already. “Do I make you nervous?” She stated before firing the truck up into gear with a lifted brow.

I hesitated a moment, weighing the question around in my head before I propped my elbow up on the center console and shook my head, resting my cheek against my hand as I gazed up at her. “No, you don’t. And I’ve been trying to figure out why since yesterday.” Her eyes glanced over towards me, watching them stay locked on mine for a moment long enough to make my own widen. “Wh-What?” I muttered, now suddenly feeling as if nervous was the right word as she shook her head.

“Nothing, you’re just… wow.” She finally said, a smile tugging back on her lips before reaching forward to fire up the engine. “I mean I thought you were ‘wow’ before but now that you’re actually in my passenger seat it’s like, a different story, you know?”

“What? You didn’t think I’d go for you?” I wondered with my cheeks flaring as I glanced down towards where her arm was now propped up against the center console. A bruised hand almost beckoning me to slip my fingers through it.

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen you? Have you seen me-?”

“Oh right. Bad boy in a leather jacket covered in tattoos who also happens to be an icon on the hockey rink. What innocent little doe-eyed femme would actually wanna go for you?” I sarcastically drawled on causing her to snicker with a brief roll of her eyes.

“You know, you do have a bit of a bite to you, you know that?”

“Well, Caitlyn Kiramman is my sister… and she taught me well.” I remarked almost proudly as I twisted a long strand of my hair around my finger.

“I bet Ellie cried the first time you used that sarcasm on her.”

“She did ask me if I was mad at her, but in both of our defenses we usually think people are mad at us if their vibe even slightly shifts.” I explained with a clear of my throat, finally giving in and letting my hand slide across the console to Vi’s. My fingers cautiously slipped through hers, so much smaller it was almost comical. She didn’t seem to mind though, another little smile forming on her lips as I slowly tugged her hand over towards my lap. “Just so you know though she isn’t this innocent little deer either, like, she could kill you… she could fuck you up if she really wanted to.”

“Oh trust me, I know, I mean have you seen her on the rink whenever she isn’t terrified of Anderson? Like she’s good. She’s really good. Contrary to popular belief I am going to try and not get on her bad side.” Vi added, and I don’t know why but the way she did speak so highly about her was refreshing. There wasn’t any jealousy between the two, at least for now, and I really hope it stayed that way. “Speaking of which, we’re here. I know we could’ve probably walked but what can I say? I wanted to show off the truck.”

“The ice rink? Geez, do you ever leave?” I questioned with another chuckle as I peered upwards to see the same stone building. “I thought they locked this place up at night.”

“They do, for outsiders.” She grinned as she brandished a key clipped to a silver carabiner before shutting off the engine and climbing from her seat.

“We’re- We’re not gonna get in trouble, are we?” I asked the moment she swung open my door with my eyes going wide. And suddenly the goody-two-shoes had possessed me once again.

“Baby, I’ve got a key. What could we get in trouble for?” She laughed before extending a hand to help me slide from the large vehicle. My heart nearly skipping a beat in the process. “I mean, your parents probably paid for this building anyways.”

“Well, not this one specifically, you’re thinking of the Anderson family.” I added, the feeling of her hand sliding back into mine nearly catching me off guard. “So ummm, what are we doing exactly?”

“You ever been skating before?” She wondered before gently tugging me towards the entrance, the question causing me to halt right in my tracks.

“Oh… Vi- th-this is a really sweet idea but I’m absolutely ass at skating. I went once with Ellie and cracked the shit out of my ankle- a-and I don’t even have skates!”

“Relax, I can get you rentals.” Her warm arm draped itself back over my nearly quivering shoulders. I don’t know why but it was almost calming, letting her drag me towards the entrance while I anxiously caught my bottom lip in between my lips. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you and your very sensitive ankles safe.”

“My ankles are not sensitive.” I huffed, expression shifting into a scowl as I tried to give her a playful shove, but she didn’t buck nearly as easy as Ellie did.

Vi only let out an airy chuckle before whipping out the carabiner attached to her belt loop once more and slipping the key to the rink into the lock, “Sure thing, princess, I’ll take your word for it.”

Credits: dividers by @saradika-graphics

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[avoxrising]

The Feral One • Ch 21

Finnick x Y/N

Series Masterlist Link

I had such a shitty day but I’m lowkey in love with this part of the series so I decided to post. Also I did some editing so the sewers are now in chapter 24 instead of 23. Let the fun begin!

Content Warnings - descriptions of wounds

Finnick and you try to make the best of your last few days together before he has to leave for deployment. You continue to skip your schedule, with the news of Finnick’s impending absence leaving you mentally unstable enough for Dr. Aurelius to give you a pass.

You follow him around like a lost puppy, constantly grasping at his fingers as a reminder that he’s still here. That’s the only touch you will allow, however. Your progress has regressed a bit and the nightmares have returned. You can’t even sleep in the same bed as Finnick, worried that you might hurt him.

The only night this changes is the night before he’s shipped out to the capital.

“You can’t go,” you whine as you grasp onto him, worried he might disappear at any moment.

“We’ve been over this,” he sighs, rolling over in the bed to face you.

“I know but it sucks and I hate it,” you explain.

“Can I hold you tonight?” he asks, suddenly turning the mood even more sad than it already was.

You sigh as you lean in closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around you.

“Thank you for loving me,” you tell him, moving your head slightly to look back at him.

“Thank you for letting me.”

Finnick doesn’t let you go to the hangar to see him off as he doesn’t want to say goodbye. You understand where he’s coming from but watching him get out of bed at 6am and leave your cabin nearly broke you.

Dr. Aurelius decided you would stay in the hospital again while Finnick was away. He didn’t think that you living alone was healthy and you agreed. As much as you hated the hospital at least you had Johanna there. She had a bad episode when she encountered water during her training and had to be sent back to the hospital.

You spend your days sitting with Johanna, neither of you having much to say. Mags comes to see you during her reflection time but again you sit in silence. Nobody was worth talking to as long as he was gone.

You stopped seeing Dr. Aurelius after he tried to explain that your dependency on Finnick was not healthy. He may be right but you don’t care. You need Finnick.

“Miss Y/L/N,” President Coin states as she steps into your room. You were not expecting her as a visitor. It had been only a few days since Finnick left. “You and Mr. Mellark have been called upon for a noble mission.”

You look at her confused. What were you and Peeta going to do? Coin sets down a pile of clothes on the edge of your bed.

“Suit up soldier,” she states. Maybe you would be seeing Finnick sooner than you thought.

You and Peeta are loaded into a hovercraft to an unknown location. Well, the people flying the hovercraft know where you are going, but you and Peeta haven’t been told anything.

It’s a long few hours before you finally land in District 2.

“My name is Peeta Melark,” Peeta whispers to himself as he exits the hovercraft.

You struggle to stand up, a headache having accumulated during the flight. A soldier goes to help you but you swat his hand away, not wanting to be touched.

“What are we doing here?” Peeta mumbles as you fight to stay standing, the pulsing headache not helping.

“In the vehicles,” a soldier orders, motioning for you and Peeta to get into two separate armored trucks. Why are they separating you two?

The ride in the truck is long. You fade in and out of a fitful sleep, unable to rid yourself of a repeating nightmare you’ve had since leaving the capital.

In it, Wiress is sitting on the beach in the arena, staring out into the water with her dead eyes and slit throat, repeatedly muttering “tick tock” to herself. It always happens the same way. Her muttering gets louder until she suddenly goes silent and turns to face you.

You watch in horror as her ashy skin begins to flake off, revealing nothing but bones underneath. Black blood flows from her throat.

“Tick tock,” she screams at you.

“You can’t outrun the clock!”

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[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 73

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe: Military School

Words: 5K

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Thursday, March 24; 8:30 AM – Camp Wiegman

I’ve never seen such organization. Mr. Johnson has planned everything down to the smallest detail. Everything except maybe the bus being late. Still, we know the time to leave is approaching quickly. Our management teacher, along with Lucy and Ingrid, are our chaperones for this trip, which is seeming more and more boring. Through a small note, we found out that the company we’re visiting isn’t even in Manchester, so we’ve got quite a drive ahead. I made sure to pack my headphones for the trip after confirming with Lucy that it was allowed. I have a feeling I won’t enjoy any of this. The company selected is an industrial one. To be honest, none of this interests me at all. Seeing that nothing was happening for a while, I slipped out of the group standing by the grills to go see Lucy.

"Are we leaving soon? This is getting long."

"I know. The driver’s on his way. Your teacher just spoke to him on the phone."

"Okay," I sighed.

"Come on, don’t complain, you’re getting out of a whole day of classes."

I shrugged. Honestly, I think I’d rather stay here, given what’s waiting for us. Lucy laughed at my lack of enthusiasm.

"Oh, come on, it could be cool. It’s interesting to see the world of cars."

"Speak for yourself."

From her perspective, it’s definitely different. She really likes motor vehicles. At least there’s one person who’s going to enjoy this trip.

"Go join the others, we’ll be leaving soon."

I sighed but did as told, heading back toward my friends. At least she was right. After a few more minutes, the bus finally arrived, much to everyone’s relief, especially the teachers, given how my class was starting to get restless. After one last headcount, we were finally able to board the bus. As for me, I hung back with my friends, as well as Lucy and Ingrid. We figured everyone would rush to get the back seats, and that’s exactly what happened. Johnson had to shout to be heard over the commotion. Poor guy, he’s going to lose his voice at this rate. Our turn came, and the only thing that mattered to me was sitting near my girlfriend, which luckily, I did. I sat with Alessia, just behind Ingrid and Lucy, but in front of Lotte and Leah. At least we were sure we wouldn’t be bothered. Our teachers sat in the same row as Lucy. She took the window seat, which was fine by me. At least I knew my management teacher wouldn’t bug her. I’d already noticed he’d been trying to cozy up to her since this morning. I’m not jealous—okay, maybe just a little. He did one last headcount before giving the driver the green light. The noise in the bus was deafening. I was going to get a headache before we even reached the factory. I was already not feeling great anyway.

"Sorry for the delay. Traffic is terrible this morning," the driver explained. "There was an accident on the road I took. It was too late to turn back."

"It’s not your fault," my teacher sighed. "But this means it’ll take us longer to get there. We’ll probably hit rush hour."

Wonderful! That was the last thing I wanted to hear. My exaggerated sigh made Alessia laugh.

"Wow, you’re really not excited, huh?"

"Next time, I’ll fake being sick."

"Not in your wildest dreams," I heard Lucy say from the front.

I made silly faces, making my friend laugh, but it caught my girlfriend’s attention. She raised an eyebrow, but I just gave her an angelic smile in return. Luckily for me, she quickly gave up.

"You didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed, did you?"

I shrugged. Not really, no. I got my period this morning, and it’s been a while since I’ve had such bad cramps. That’s not something I was about to tell her, though. If this was the price for restarting my whole system down there, then so be it, although I could have done without it. I sighed, leaning my head against the window. This trip was going to be long—I could feel it.

"You’re really pale. Are you sure you’re okay?" Alessia asked.

She placed her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. Her comment seemed to alert Lucy, who turned around again.

"I’m fine," I sighed. "Just feeling a bit off."

"What’s wrong?" Lucy asked. "You look like you’re about to be sick."

Now that she mentioned it, my stomach wasn’t the only thing bothering me. I shrugged in response.

"Do you mind switching seats, Alessia?"

"No, not at all," she replied.

Within minutes, Lucy was sitting next to me. She touched my forehead, but I didn’t think she’d find anything. I didn’t feel like I had a fever.

"Did you eat anything this morning?"

"Yeah."

I blushed, looking down at my hands. I didn’t know how to explain what was wrong without saying it out loud.

"Does something hurt?"

There it was—the opening I needed.

"My stomach, but it’s not because of what I ate..."

She raised an eyebrow at my confident tone. Then, I saw the light bulb go off in her head.

"Oh. I see. Did you take anything?"

"No, I didn’t have anything on me..."

"Okay, hang on."

She bent down to rummage through her bag. All I wanted to do was collapse onto her, but we both knew that wasn’t possible. Johnson, who was sitting a row ahead, started asking Lucy about me, but she quickly brushed him off, saying she could handle it. Usually, when my periods started like this during my teenage years, the pain would escalate, which was what worried me. I still had cramps sometimes, but not this intense. Normally, you couldn’t tell by looking at me, and I rarely complained.

"Here, take this."

She handed me a pill along with a bottle of water. I swallowed it without even asking what it was, especially now that even my head was starting to ache. I would have taken anything to make it stop.

"You’re usually not in this much pain, are you?"

"No."

I blushed again. I didn’t want her to think it was her fault. She just nodded.

"Rest up. We’ve got at least an hour before we get there, thanks to the traffic."

I nodded and leaned my head against the window. It wasn’t the best idea, considering the way it was shaking my head, but I didn’t have much choice.

"Don’t be silly. Come here—it’ll be more comfortable."

She surprised me by inviting me to rest my head on her shoulder. I wasn’t going to complain. It was clearly much more pleasant. With that, I closed my eyes, hoping the medicine would kick in.

Thursday, March 24; 9:50 AM – At the company 

"And here we are," my teacher announced.

We had just arrived at the company, a full half-hour behind schedule. I was cold. Lucy had woken me up just before we arrived, and my body was struggling to warm up again. All I wanted was to be in my girlfriend’s arms. I hated being so close to her yet feeling so far away.

"I expect you all to behave impeccably during this visit. This is one of the few trips that’s been approved by our school, so don’t make the principal or me regret it."

Oddly, everyone had calmed down. I’m not sure what had happened, but the last thing I remembered was the incessant noise of my classmates, which had kept me from sleeping properly. Lucy was by my side, and I don’t think she was planning on going anywhere. She was so sweet to care this much about me.

"As I mentioned in class, you'll be divided into four groups of six or seven people. We'll assign the groups, and then we can begin."

Everyone is called one by one. Lucy kept me by her side, assuring me that we would spend the day together. To be honest, I tried hard to get her to reveal who was on her list, like Alessia, but surprisingly, she didn’t let anything slip. So, it would be a surprise. The surprise didn’t last long though. Ingrid was the first to form her group, and Alessia and Lotte were in it. I realized Mr. Johnson had purposely separated us. My other classmates weren’t with their usual groups either. Well, at least he ensured we were with someone we knew. Then it was Lucy’s turn. I was right—Leah was in my group, along with a few others I barely knew. I don’t tend to talk to many others, but being with Leah is fine. Though she didn’t seem too pleased, judging by the sigh she let out as she joined us.

"Try to contain your joy, Leah," Lucy teased.

"I’m doing my best," she replied, rolling her eyes, making my girlfriend do the same.

Some people laughed, but it didn’t last long. Lucy commands respect and asked us to form a line, two by two. Mr. Johnson, who had another group beside him, couldn’t help but comment.

"Well. You’re a woman who knows how to command respect."

I’m going to punch him soon. Lucy, noticing my frustration, discreetly grabbed my wrist to stop me from saying anything.

"The important thing is that it’s mutual," she retorted.

Her reply made him look away, and she let go of my wrist. I hated how he acted like he had the right to flirt with her. She really needs to put him in his place. If she could tell him she’s taken and mention she prefers women, that would be perfect. But, unfortunately, according to her, it doesn’t need to go that far. Maybe I should show her what it feels like to be hit on in front of your partner and not be able to do anything about it... My period is really messing with my emotions. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Lucy gave me a soft smile as she stepped ahead of Leah and me.

"Alright, we can head in now," announced my teacher once the groups were formed.

"Let’s go, and quietly," Lucy instructed when it was our turn.

Without resistance, the group obeyed. We entered, and to my surprise, the interior was quite welcoming. I had expected something much more industrial, given the environment. We were greeted by a man in his thirties. He spoke briefly with our teacher before giving an introduction. I realized he was the director. Given his age, it was likely a family business, and that’s exactly how he introduced it. Since some were already taking notes, I followed suit, fighting off the headache that was starting to form. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the day. Lucy seemed to understand how I felt, but apart from a small, sympathetic smile, she couldn’t do much.

"Alright, now that the introductions are over, we’ll begin the tour."

I started to panic. I hadn’t written much compared to Leah’s notebook. She smiled at me and said she’d share her notes with me at the end of the day if I wanted.

"We’ve divided you into four groups. We’ll be exploring the different departments of the company. There’s the administration, the design office, the factory itself, and the logistics section."

I jotted down what he listed. Those would be the four key areas. Based on the questionnaire we had received, I began to understand much more. He wanted us to grasp the management aspects of a business.

"Each area is vital to the smooth running of a company, so it doesn’t matter in which order we visit them. I’ll personally be following one of the groups today. The others will be guided by my colleagues. I hope you enjoy the tour of my company."

You could really sense how proud he was of his business. I could easily see Lucy reacting the same way someday. She was about to join the other instructors, probably to decide which group would go where, but I stopped her.

"I think I need to use the restroom before we start all this..."

My stomach was still hurting, and the medicine hadn’t worked. She nodded.

"I’ll ask about it."

I watched as she walked off to speak with the director. And there was another man staring at her a bit too much. I’m really going to lose it with all these guys. 

"Still not feeling any better?"

"No," I sighed.

I glanced at Leah, who was fidgeting beside me, her hands stuffed into her pockets. I could tell something was bothering her. I was glad to be with her today. Since I started dating Lucy, she’d distanced himself, and I had to admit it hurt a little. She was one of the first I’d managed to befriend since I came here. She’s a really good person, even if she doesn’t believe it himself.

"Everything okay?"

"Not really... I feel bad."

"Why?"

"I wasn’t fair to you and your girlfriend."

"Oh... Leah..."

"I feel guilty for judging you too quickly. You two seem really solid, unlike what I thought."

I smiled softly. For her to admit her mistake, she must have given it a lot of thought. I was surprised, but happy at the same time. Maybe not all was lost. She really cared about our friendship after all.

"I don’t hold it against you, don’t worry."

"I was thinking, maybe we could plan something together, with her, sometime."

"Yeah, we could do something at the end of the year if you want. I don’t think she’ll be up for it before then."

She nodded understandingly. She finally dared to look at me after all that. She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes.

"Are you sure you’re okay? You really don’t look good."

I shook my head. I’d been trying to hide it, but I was on the verge of vomiting right there. I barely opened my mouth.

"Hey, Bronze," Leah called out. "She’s about to throw up."

Thank goodness she understood. Immediately alarmed, my girlfriend pulled me into the restroom. Luckily, the door was just behind us all along, and I hadn’t even noticed. She barely had time to open a stall and save my hair before I threw up my breakfast into the toilet. The scene felt like déjà vu. She sighed as she tied my hair back with a hair tie.

"Do you feel any better?"

I didn’t even have time to answer before it happened again. All Lucy could do was rub my back. I’d never been this sick before, and I was starting to wonder if it was really my period causing this.

"Okay... You can’t do the tour like this."

"Is everything alright in here?"

I sat on the bathroom floor as this voice echoed. I must have looked pathetic. Lucy grabbed some paper to wipe my mouth before flushing the toilet as she stood up. I looked over at the man I recognized as the director.

"No," Lucy answered. "She’s been feeling sick since this morning, and it seems to be getting worse."

My stomach was hurting so much I had tears in my eyes. I held it with my arms, but it didn’t help. I didn’t dare look at them either. I preferred to stare in the opposite direction to avoid them seeing me like this.

"It’s been decided that I’ll lead your group through the tour, so I suggest going ahead without you."

"I’m not sure that’s the best solution. Students can be difficult sometimes."

"Oh, I don’t doubt it," he laughed. "I have four kids and I run a business, so I don’t think six students are going to give me much trouble."

Hearing that, I noticed the wedding ring on his finger. I felt foolish for thinking he was eyeing Lucy earlier. Now that I saw him up close, he also seemed slightly older than I had initially thought. He looked to be in his thirties, but probably closer to forty.

"You can’t leave her alone, so take care of her. Maybe she’ll feel better, and you can join us later. We’re visiting two departments this morning, and then it’ll be time for lunch," he explained.

"I need to check with Mr. Johnson first."

"It’s already been arranged. He agreed to this."

"Alright... Well, thank you. Hopefully, we’ll join you later."

"My pleasure. Good luck," he said before leaving.

Once we were alone, Lucy crouched down in front of me again. I felt better, or at least relieved, but my stomach pain wasn’t going away. Lucy gently cupped my face.

"Are you sure it’s your period? This seems a bit extreme."

I shrugged. I wasn’t sure anymore.

- "The pain isn't just in my lower stomach..." I admitted after noticing it.

- "Alright," she murmurs. "I'll call the school. Maybe you’ve eaten something that didn't sit well, and if that's the case, you’re probably not the only one."

- "I had the same thing as usual," I complained.

- "I know, but you never know. I'll be right back."

She kissed the top of my head before leaving to ask for a phone. Apparently, she didn’t have hers. I groaned when she left. Judging by the silence, I assumed the others had already left the lobby. Something like this always has to happen to me, especially during my only class trip. I'd pay good money just to get a hug from Lucy right now. I waited a while, and during that time, my stomach continued to rumble. Maybe she was right. It probably wasn’t just my period causing this. It felt like hours passed before she finally returned.

- "Did you have hot chocolate this morning?" she asked.

What kind of question was that? Of course, I had. I nodded.

- "Well, looks like we have our answer. The milk was expired. They forgot to check the date. Didn’t you notice anything odd about the taste?"

- "N-no."

Since I usually dunk my pastry in it, I hadn't noticed anything strange. I groaned again as the pain persisted. Lucy sighed and sat down next to me. I wasted no time collapsing into her. She chuckled, wrapping her arms around me, and I sighed in contentment. I had been waiting for this moment. She kissed my forehead again.

- "You’re burning up. Looks like you’re in for a rough day, poor thing."

- "It’s not so bad, since you're here with me."

She chuckled softly, tightening her embrace.

- "For once, you’re being optimistic…"

I nudged her playfully in the stomach, making her laugh. I could stay here for hours. Of course, she had to shatter my hopes.

- "Come on, we can't stay here. The ladies at reception offered us a room to rest in."

- "No... I'm fine right here," I mumbled.

- "Come on," she teased. "We’re not staying on the bathroom floor all day."

I groaned as she stood up, leaving me without anything to lean on. I had no choice but to stand, with her help. The only positive thing was that my nausea had passed by now. Lucy supported me as we walked to the reception area where two women stood behind the counter.

- "Is the room still available?" Lucy asked.

- "Yes, of course. I’ll open it for you," said the younger woman.

She stood up immediately, offering me a small smile that I struggled to return. She led us to a door opening into a large conference room.

- "Feel free to ask if you need anything."

- "You’ve already done a lot. Thank you."

She nodded and left us alone. Lucy guided me inside and closed the door behind us. At least we’d have some privacy.

- "Alright, lie down for a bit. It’ll help."

She made a makeshift bed by lining up several chairs in a row.

- "Come on."

I sighed but complied. I took my time, a bit afraid of the setup's sturdiness, but once I lay across the chairs, I realized it wasn't too bad. Lucy even gave me her scarf as a pillow. She couldn’t have picked anything better—I could still smell her scent this way. She then covered me with her jacket. I felt like I was freezing, but Lucy said it was due to the fever.

- "You’re staying, right?" I murmured.

- "Of course."

She pulled up a chair across from me and sat down. I smiled as she ran her hand through my hair to move it out of my face. I clung to her other hand, wanting to make sure she wouldn’t leave, though I knew she wouldn’t.

- "I love you," I murmured before drifting off to sleep.

Thursday, March 24; 12:10 PM 

I woke up to some commotion. Several voices stirred me from my deep sleep. I blinked a few times, trying to remember where I was. I hadn’t moved from the chairs. My first sight was Lucy, still sitting across from me, talking to someone I couldn’t make out. Our hands were no longer linked, and I soon understood why, recognizing the masculine voices in the room.

- "Looks like she’s waking up."

Lucy immediately turned her head toward me. She smiled as I stretched slowly, still gripping her scarf beneath me. Something felt off about the room, but I couldn’t place it.

- "How are you feeling?" she asked.

I shrugged, still groggy. I wasn’t sure how I felt yet. I thought my fever had broken since I wasn’t as cold as before.

- "Your classmates are having lunch. Are you hungry?"

A wave of disgust washed over me. Any mention of food made me nauseous right now. Lucy laughed at my expression, which must have been amusing.

- "Alright, I get it," she smiled softly. "But I’m hungry. So either you come with me, or someone else will stay here with you."

I groaned, trying to sit up. She quickly stopped my abrupt movements.

- "Take it easy," she teased. "I’m not going anywhere."

A cold draft hit me as I lost the warmth of her jacket. I slowly sat up and glanced around. Mr. Johnson was there with the company manager. I was glad they didn’t bombard me with questions. However, I noticed my teacher giving me a rather stern look, which I ignored. I ran my hand through my hair to smooth it down, shivering in the process.

- "Can I keep your jacket? It’s still so warm."

My voice cracked from disuse. Lucy nodded and helped me put it on to preserve the warmth. She also draped her large scarf over my shoulders like a shawl.

- "Alright, let’s go."

She guided me with a hand on my back. I ignored the men in the room, sensing that they understood this wasn’t the time to talk to me. Lucy must have filled them in before I woke up. We walked into another, larger conference room. The company had prepared sandwiches and muffins for lunch, which was nice of them. My classmates were gathered around the table, but Lucy led me to the far end, where the teachers were seated. I still felt a bit out of place, but I didn’t want to leave Lucy just yet.

- "Hey there," Ingrid greeted me. "You always get sick at the worst times, don’t you?" she teased gently.

I groaned in response. Lucy laughed as she pulled out a chair for me between the two of them. I sat down, gripping her scarf tightly around me.

- "Stop bothering her. She’s already grumpy enough."

- "Oops, sorry," Ingrid said with a playful grin. "Do you know what caused it?"

- "The milk this morning. Wiegman was furious. Several students got food poisoning."

- "Damn, that sucks for you," she said, patting my shoulder. "Though now we know you’re the only one still drinking hot chocolate in the morning. Maybe it’s time you switched to coffee," she joked.

I shrugged off her hand and rested my head on my arms on the table with a soft groan. Lucy chuckled, running her fingers through my hair.

- "She’s just kidding. Calm down."

I didn’t respond. They continued chatting, but I lost track of the conversation. I felt like I could fall asleep again in any position. However, Lucy didn’t give me the chance. She gently rubbed my thigh, discreetly keeping me awake.

- "Looks like someone won’t be feeling better this afternoon," Ingrid remarked.

- "No, it doesn’t seem like it."

- "Do you want to switch?" Ingrid offered. "I can stay with her if you want to do the factory tour."

I glanced over at Lucy. I didn’t want to keep her from the tour, but I’d rather have her stay with me. As if to reassure me, Lucy’s touch became more soothing.

- "No, it’s fine. I’ll stay with her."

- "Alright, as you wish," Ingrid didn’t insist.

I felt relieved. I love Ingrid, but she couldn’t replace Lucy’s presence. The break was brief. My class soon resumed the tour in their groups. I didn’t even get a chance to chat with my friends. I hope they don’t hold it against me for ignoring them during that short time. I’ll catch up with them once this is all over.

[vritest]

I love you. (Say it back)

leon kennedy x fem!reader

warnings: angst, angst, angst. kinda all over the place, kinda doesn’t follow the plot??? mentions of sex, younger???vandetta leon. NOT PROOFREAD

PART 2

Knock knock. Stop. Knock… knock. *Burp*

A sound you were getting used to at midnight.

At first you decided wether or not you should just open the door. Maybe you should leave him there. Make him feel like shit, make him realize what he’s doing isn’t normal.

But your heart was too big for that.

You sighed, looking straight at your TV. A random singing reality show playing in the background, their singing cancelling out the knocks coming from your shared apartment. Or at least what was once a shared apartment you and your boyfriend had.

Lately it seems like he lives in the bars instead of your own home.

You sigh again, hoping the knocks would stop and hoping Leon would leave to Chris’s place, or just somewhere where you wouldn’t see him drunk and wasted.

Getting up from the couch, the knocks only got louder and louder. You groaned quietly and rubbed your face with your hands.

“Coming, I’m coming!” You yelled.

As you opened the door, Leon slumped on you hugging your frame and snuggling on to you like the way you snuggled with your teddy bear he had given you on your guys’s first date.

You sniffed his leather jacket, a scent of too many liquors to count, taking over your nose. You frowned slightly.

“God Leon you irk of alcohol. Did you take a shower in that stuff at the bar?” You asked sarcastically.

He chuckled.

“You’re funny, they don’t have showers in bars, silly…” Leon slurred trailing off from his train of thought his grip only tightening. You let out a big sigh and slowly unwrapped from his grip. He groaned.

“Hey… I was comfortable like that…”

“I know… but doesn’t a shower sound nice?”

“No.”

“Well too bad because I’m not letting you go to sleep stinking our whole bed of alcohol”

After an hour, you had prepared Leon a semi-warm shower.

After he took a shower it was normal for him to go straight to bed, after kissing you and saying a quick “Good night babe” but this time it was different.

As you sat on the couch, you heard some shuffling and saw Leon walking straight to your shared room. Not even looking your way, almost like he was being lured in there. You raised an eyebrow confused in his sudden break of the pattern you two have held for too long.

As you walked over to the room, you saw him on his side. Already asleep and snoring. The void in your heart only getting worser.

———

The morning wasn’t any better.

You had waken up with a huge headache, despite not drinking. Which was pretty odd, because you never got headaches out of the random. Not only that but when you turned around to reach for Leon, the only thing you touched were the cold sheets, meaning he had been awake for a while.

You got up, the off feeling you had only getting more prominent as you walk towards the kitchen, the sound of cereal being poured in to a bowl sounding close.

There you see Leon hunched over, his back towards you as he serves himself some Lucky Charms.

Which was kinda ironic thinking back now.

“Good morning.” You said softly. The rasp in your voice being the only thing Leon was looking forward to.

“ ‘Morning” he simply said pouring the milk into the bowl. He turned towards the island, sitting towards you know. Your eyes wondering Leon’s tired futures, trying so hard not to ask him about last night. You didn’t want him to leave you, and you didn’t want to leave him, but this whole thing was just getting to you. It’s like you had to battle a war in your mind 24/7.

You cleared your throat, despite not planning to say anything.

“Just say it. Say that I’m an asshole for not telling you good night. I don’t give a damn.”

“What? I wasn’t gonna-“

“You were! That’s the thing you don’t speak up about shit! You should hate me, I’m a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, an alcoholic but here you are taking care of me every day after I go to the bar. Why?” He said, the bowl of cereal being disregarded.

You laughed dryly.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

He looked side to side.

“I asked you a question.” He asked sternly.

“Have the 5 years we’ve been together proven you nothing? I love you Leon! And the fact that you asked that question makes me feel like shit. I do it out of love Leon everything.”

Silence.

“How do you think I feel after you leave for work? How about when you leave to go to the bar? I worry that I’ll get a phone call and get told your dead, and I hate myself that I can’t stop you. Because it’s your life. Not mine.”

He sighed trying to calm down in order for his words to come out less aggressively.

“You don’t have to worry about the drinking it’s nothing-“

“Nothing?” You laughed dryly again. Something you’ve done a lot more often lately. “Everyday you come home wasted and tell me you love me. Something you’ve never told me sober, did you know that?”

“Babe-“

“No! Fuck. Don’t babe me now. After all this time all I’ve ever wanted to do was to help you. And now you’re asking me why I’m doing all this? This must be some sick fucking prank.” You said. You were slowly loosing it. You never yelled at him. Sure maybe one time while playing Mario Kart when he beat you, but it was never this serious or intense. Leon’s mind went blank.

He was a horrible person.

“Fuck, im sorry about this I swear I can fix this aright? I fucking hate myself, I hate what I’m doing to myself and I can’t stop it”

There was silence allowing you to calm down before speaking up again.

“I know you can fix it.” You said more calmly this time.

“Just not with me.”

His eyes widened at the words that came out your mouth.

“What-“

“I’m leaving.” You claimed.

“What? You haven’t even packed yet-“

“I did, while you were sleeping. Thought you had heard but I guess you were fast asleep.” You mumbled.

He scoffed and let a small breathy “huh”.

“So that’s it?” He said throwing his hands besides his torso in defeat. “You’re just gonna leave me after all these years?”

“Don’t try to gaslight me now Leon. I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck, everything I do, I do because I love you and I can’t stand seeing you fuck up your life because you refuse to get help.”

You just stood there. Looking at him like if this was some staring contest.

Your heart kept telling you to back out, this was a bad idea. But you brain could only thing how this would benefit him.

You sighed. Starting to walk towards your shared room where you had packed two duffle bags that would be enough clothes to stay with your parents for a while.

As you got up, Leon got up as well grabbing your wrist and before you could even pull away (he was too strong) he pulled you towards him, kissing you just one more time. The taste of alcohol filling your mouth and the taste of your cherry lipgloss leaving a delightful taste at the tip of his tongue. As much as you wanted to pull back and tell him that he was an asshole for doing this, the kids only got more passionate and hungry tounges entering each others mouths, suddenly everything was okay. Suddenly it was his first day as a police officer and you and him had just shared your first kiss with eachother.

Maybe everything wasn’t so bad after all…

Right?

———

That morning had been long. The smell of makeup sex lingering the room. Leon’s bare hands hugging your naked frame, the afternoon sun peaking out from the curtains.

You got up, looking for your clothes he had desperately stripped off you.

Surprisingly after you grabbed the two duffle bags, despite making a good amount of noise, he was still asleep. You looked at him one last time , beige you headed to the kitchen and grabbed a napkin and a red gel pen.

Leon had woken up not too long after you had left quietly crying out your shared apartment.

He knew you always kept your promises.

Immediately he looked over at the night stand, your perfume, his favorite, gone. That’s when he saw a small peace of paper, and he squinted reaching out to grab it as he brought it up to his face squinting.

“Good morning afternoon sunshine,

I really didn’t want you to try and make me stay so I decided to leave right away. It’s already noon and by the time you wake up it’ll probably be dinner time, I know you’ll be hungry. Last night I made lasagna, just that you went straight to bed before I could even offer you some. Lol. There’s some leftovers in the fridge, along with some lemonade or coke, pick what’d you like.

Like I said in the morning, I’m doing this because I love you nothing else. If I could stay with you forever I would.

Thank you for what you gave me this morning.. I enjoyed it… (that might be an understatement.)”

He chuckled at your dry humor.

“Anyway… please take care of yourself and become the best version of yourself you can possibly be.

I love you. More than you’ll ever know. Even if you’ve never said it to me sober.

Love, Y/N.”

A single tear escaping his eye.

———

Years have passed and you had already moved out of your parents home you were temporarily living in.

Once you got your new place you decided it was time to move on from Leon. As much as you didn’t want to and refused.

Each date was the same.

They introduced themselves. They cracked a joke. You laughed. Their mouth moved until they asked if you were okay, and you would just nod. Then they would leave and never spoke to you again.

It just wasn’t the same. They weren’t Leon. They’ll never be.

So that’s what brought you right now. At your old apartment complex. The lady at the counter being the same one from a couple of years ago.

“Hey you were that lady that was the girlfriend of the young blonde man right?” She asked as you walked up to her counter. You smiled lightly. “Girlfriend” you haven’t heard that word in a while.

“Yeah.. uh I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

That being said, you had asked her if she knew any information about Leon and if he had moved out.

Turned out it had been only two months since he had moved out, she said he had told her he was moving to the suburbs. Which was weird considering you two would always talk about how you loved the chaos in the city and would never move back to the suburbs. Turns out great minds don’t think alike sometimes.

“Yeah, he seemed pretty glad to move into a house for the first time. Never said the reason though.” She said ducking her teeth. “He said he was staying by this really big park, with the lake and-“

“Oh my god.”

“What? What happened?” Thee asked.

“He moved back to his childhood home.”

———

It didn’t take you long to built up the courage after all these years to find him.

All the signs were pointing to this.

He definitely got better and had taken to advice to move in back to his old home. The reason was still unknown but you assumed that after all these years he was the person you had told him to become.

You missed him. You couldn’t wait to see him. Would his hair be brown like it was when you left? Or had he dyed it back to blonde, how he had it when you first met?

Either way, it didn’t matter if he was bald, you needed to see him. You needed him to be okay.

As you got closer to the house that was once his, you notice, two cars. Which you assumed were both his, unless Chris was over? No, it was probably just both his.

You parked, getting out of your car and fixing your hair as you prepared to knock on the wooden door. You didn’t know if this was one of your smartest moments. You didn’t want to look like a stalker, but you knew he probably wanted to see you too…right.

You knocked three times, a shuffle being heard in a background and a giggle.

The door opened. And the you heard it, his voice. Still sweet like sugar. Except he said some words that could’ve made you faint on the spot.

“I got it honey-“

You looked up noticing a small kid on his shoulders. Looking down at you. Their icy blue eyes they obviously inherited from Leon, staring at you with a small smile.

“Y/n…”

•••••

Y’all this honestly was abt to me cry lmfaoo 😭 but anyway hoped y’all cried lol.

•••••

[luvfae]

47 with eddie roundtree please! maybe a last minute vegas wedding whilst on tour?

WAKING UP IN VEGAS

47: wedding day

fandom: daisy jones & the six

parings: eddie roundtree x f reader

warnings: alcohol use, drug use, swearing

You sipped from the straw that was floating around in your drink, smiling at your fiancé, Eddie, as he spoke to Warren from beside you.

“No man, you don’t understand,” Eddie said, responding to Warren’s question about the attractive women that were constantly around them. “Groupie’s are not a temptation, not when i’ve already found the love of my life,” he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“I’m happy for you guys, man,” Warren grinned, stoned out of his mind from all the marijuana he had smoked that day.

“Seriously, I would marry Y/N right now if I could,” Eddie said.

“Who said you can’t?” You piped up. “We’re in Vegas after all,” you smiled.

You hadn’t been engaged to Eddie Roundtree for very long, 3 months at best, but right now, tipsy from one too many margaritas, getting married this instant seemed like the right thing to do.

Hence why now the pair of you, and the rest of the band, were stood in a wedding chapel at 2pm on a Tuesday in Las Vegas. You were wearing a white sundress that you had bought back in Albuquerque, it wasn’t a wedding dress by any means, but it did the trick. Eddie was wearing a white suit he had found in the bottom of his suitcase.

Your hair was a mess, your makeup was mediocre but you didn’t care, not when you were standing hand in hand with Eddie in front of the altar, listening to him spill his heart out to you during his vows.

“You just get me, Y/N,” Eddie grinned from ear to ear, his cheeks rosy. “And that’s how I knew from the day I met you that i’d marry you.”

Warren sniffed, wiping the tears that were pooling below his eyes. “Love is beautiful, man,” he whispered to Graham, who was watching in shock horror as two of his friends impulsively got married.

There was mixed emotions in the chapel. Karen, Daisy and Warren thought it was a great idea, Billy and Graham thought it was ridiculous and Rod was stressed out, praying that the two of you didn’t regret this once you were sober.

“Do you, Y/N, take Eddie to be your husband. To have and to hold until death do you part?” The celebrant asked.

“I do,” you smiled, nodding your head. You had never been more sure of anything in your entire life.

“And do you, Eddie, take Y/N to be your wife. To have and to hold until death do you part?”

“I do,” Eddie said, instantly, his heart full, eyes swimming with adornment as he stared at you.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride,” the celebrant said, a sour look on his face, repeating the same speech all day long to impulsive couples who decided to get married in Vegas.

Eddie grabbed your waist, pulling you towards him, pressing his lips firmly against yours. Your palms rested flat against his chest, smiling into the kiss, slowly pulling away as everyone cheered and applauded the pair of you.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to present for the very first time, Mr and Mrs Roundtree,” the celebrant said, making everyone cheer again, especially Karen, Daisy and Warren who were jumping up and down in joy.

“This could be a fucking disaster by tomorrow morning,” Rod mumbled to Billy, clapping his hands, fake smiling. Praying to the Gods above that he wasn’t fetching divorce papers for the pair of you in less than 24 hours.

You threw the bouquet of flowers you had bought from a nearby florist over your shoulder, Karen was the first to catch them, cheering herself on happily, as if she ever wanted to get married.

“Sorry, but we have a line up of 2 more couples who want to get married so everyone has to clear out!” The celebrant yelled.

You left, hand in hand with Eddie, returning to the tour buses with the rest of the band where you spent the night partying and clinging to Eddie’s side.

When you woke up the next morning you had a pounding headache and you were attempting to go back to sleep, until memories from the day before flooded your mind and you gasped, sitting straight up in bed.

“What are you doing?” Eddie groaned, rubbing his eyes, watching you as you looked down at the dainty wedding band that now adorned your engagement ring. Then it hit him also, the pair of you had drunkenly gotten married yesterday. “No!” He yelled and your eyes snapped onto his as he sat up, running his hands through his messy hair.

“What?” You asked, worried that maybe he thought this was a mistake.

“We were supposed to get married on the beach or something,” Eddie said. “I was supposed to blow a shit ton of money on our wedding, not buy you a cheap ring and take you to a wedding chapel in Vegas.”

You giggled, your hands pressing against his cheeks, pushing your lips against his. “It’s a story for the grandchildren,” you said, resting your forehead against his. “I’m just happy that i’m finally your wife.”

—

Y/N ROUNDTREE: yeah, I thought my wedding would be big and glamorous, y’know, considering I was marrying a rockstar with money to burn… but it’s a story to tell and it was perfect.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 8: Caught in a Lie

Hyeri wakes up for what she thinks is the 5th time today with a throbbing headache. Her neck is sore from the whiplash the air bag caused and she’s starting to feel sore in other areas she hadn’t realized were hurt at first. She needs to get up to take another dose of medicine but she can’t find the strength.

When she was falling asleep behind the wheel, she was also accelerating. She hadn’t realized that she actually slept through two stoplights before she was going so fast that her car was going well above the speed limit. When her car hit the curb, she went flying into the stoplight pole at such a force that the pole was nearly knocked over and the front of her car was almost completely crushed in.

After her accident she blacked out a few times. She stayed in the hospital for two days until her parents could come up from Gwangju and take her home.

The accident left her with a mild concussion, bruises on her face, neck, shoulders, and chest, as well as cuts on her face and hands, a few requiring stitches. Her car is totaled but she’s glad she didn’t come out with any more serious injuries. She could have been discharged within 24 hours from the hospital, but she had no one to take her home. Her manager offered but she also needed someone to stay with her while she recovers at home. She opted to stay in the hospital longer and wait for her parents to come.

It worked out though, because tabloids followed her manager’s car thinking she went home with him the day she was discharged. By the time they realized she wasn’t with him, Hyeri had already quickly and quietly left with her parents.

Since then she’s been at home being cared for by her parents. They stay in the guest room they usually stay in when they come visit. They make sure Hyeri takes her medicines and she eats well. Her mother helps wash her and shampoo her hair, and her father makes sure she gets any and everything she needs whether it be a can of soup or a special edition neck massager with a few extra features than the one she already has.

She’d been wanting to talk to Yoongi or at least reach out, but she can’t bring herself to do so. Instead she continues following their tour as they make their way to London. Every appearance she can see that he’s not doing any better than when she watched their Las Vegas concert. If anything he looks worse now than before. She figures if she reaches out to him she’d only be distracting him as he said before, and that’s the last thing she wants to do.

But the sight of him is so heartbreaking.

Yoongi wanted to go straight to Seoul after hearing the news. He didn’t care about London or anything else, he just needed to get to Hyeri. The guys managed to talk him out of it because it was simply unreasonable for him to do without postponing their first show at least. Not to mention he and Hyeri are in some undefined relationship limbo and everyone was afraid that things may not go the way Yoongi wants if he suddenly showed up there.

When they arrived in London Yoongi spent any time not on a schedule in his room. He wanted to have one of his stashed drinks, but aside from his cash and Black card, his hidden bottles of liquor were also stolen. So he sat in his room sober and distraught.

He received a message from Hyeri’s mother letting him know that they took her home from the hospital. It seems they’re unaware of Yoongi and Hyeri’s complicated status right now. However, her mother mentioned that Hyeri wanted her to tell him that because she wasn’t able to get to her phone. Through it all, she still wanted him to know she was ok. She didn’t want him to worry. His mind is a mess and once again he finds himself buying bottles of alcohol and overindulging.

This isn’t quite like before. Before he wanted to be someone else so he wouldn’t feel the pain that comes with being himself. He wanted to do whatever he could just cause he could. He wanted to become someone who lived wild and free with no feelings about anything. Now he’s just drowning in those feelings he thought he could run from.

He doesn’t sneak out like he’d done before. He’s not looking for strangers to hook up with or bars he can spend a few hours in. He just stays in his room. Drinking and regretting so many things.

Why did he have to go so far overboard with his drinking? Would it be different if he had just answered her call? Why was she out so late on her own? For every question he has, he downs another drink. He could just reach out to her, but instead he’s too ashamed. Everything is fucked and he’s done a lot of things that don’t help the situation.

The guys are relieved that now they don’t seem to have to worry about Yoongi sneaking off to bars, but he’s still drinking just as much so they only feel a small bit of relief. They try to stay near him and monitor him, but they can’t do much when he closes himself up in his room alone.

Namjoon reached out to Hyeri to see how she’s doing. She tells him what happened during the accident and that her parents have been taking care of her. Then she immediately asks about Yoongi. He looked terrible in their last interview she watched and she knows he’s not ok. Namjoon admits to her that Yoongi hasn’t been doing well. He chooses not to mention the part about the blow jobs and robbery, but he tells her how he’s been struggling.

Namjoon encourages her to reach out to Yoongi again. He’s afraid Yoongi may not be strong enough to do it himself, especially since he’s drunk most of the time. At this point Namjoon and the rest of the guys are desperate to have Yoongi and Hyeri work things out so they don’t have to continue watching the heartbreaking deterioration of their brother. Hyeri isn’t sure she’d be able to say anything else to Yoongi. She can only try so much, but if he doesn’t want to talk to her while he’s on tour, what could she do?

Instead she remains in their shared apartment being cared for by her parents until Yoongi returns from tour. The thought of him coming home and being less than pleased to see her fills her with so much anxiety. She tries her hardest to think of something she could say to get him to talk to her. Something she could do to prove to him that she loves him more than anything and she only made a stupid mistake because she’s too scared and weak to speak up for herself.

Yoongi knew that they would still be on tour when Hyeri’s drama premieres so before he left home he had a delivery scheduled for the day of the premiere. Hyeri has been doing better since her accident, but those 2 weeks haven’t been enough for her to feel comfortable going out. So she sits at home and watches the cast and crew she spent so much time with arriving on the red carpet. She hates to miss the premiere for her first big role, but the only thing that hurts worse is Yoongi being in Japan and seemingly no closer to talking to her.

Yoongi can’t talk to anyone unless he has a contractual obligation to do so. Aside from that he closes himself off and continues drowning his sadness and despair in alcohol. He hates himself. He’s spent the entire tour hating himself for various reasons. Maybe she really does deserve Kihyun, or anyone else. Someone who isn’t such a fucking mess.

He was so upset with her. He blamed her for everything that plagued him during the tour. He wanted to spend that time resenting her because he felt it’s what she deserves after she’d hurt him. He resented her for not having the confidence to speak up for herself. He resented her for making him fall so deep in love that shit like this would hurt him so much. He resented her for not giving him the chance to erase her from his mind. He resented her for finally giving him the chance but getting into a car accident and thrusting herself back to the forefront of his brain. Now he resents her for having her name show up on his phone with a message.

Yoongi forgot all about the scheduled delivery he had set up. Hyeri had no idea he set it up before he left. She thought he had sent them as his way of saying he still cares although he’s still mad at her.

She took a picture of the extravagant bouquet of roses being carried by a large stuffed cat along with her favorite snacks and a gorgeous new designer purse then sent it to him thanking him and telling him she loves him and that once again she’s sorry for everything.

Yoongi groans at the message. This time he’s not upset about her contacting him when he last told her to stop fucking him up on tour. He’s upset because he feels terribly guilty. She doesn’t know about any of the intimate encounters he had throughout the tour, but his heart hurts as if she did. He’s not mad that he forgot to cancel the delivery, he’s mad because now it makes him look like a good person. He finishes off his bottle of sake convinced that he’s definitely not a good person.

Hyeri thought Yoongi’s gift would mean he would talk to her again. But she’s gotten nothing. He didn’t respond to her message. She gave him a day thinking he’s maybe busy or tired. But still nothing. She tried to message him again but still silence.

She doesn’t get it. What does he want from her? She starts to slip into sadness again and all she wants is to be alone. Somehow she convinced her parents that she’ll be fine on her own now. Yoongi will be back soon so they can go back home. They were understandably hesitant but eventually gave in and left for Gwangju.

Hyeri was alone again and for some reason, very scared. Scared that she may lose Yoongi for good. She pours herself a glass of wine and scrolls her phone. She’d been so deeply depressed that she never took time to see what people thought of the first episode of her drama.

She should have known that would be a terrible idea. She feared seeing comments from people saying ugly and hateful things, but she didn’t expect most of the chatter surrounding the show to be about Kihyun being a bad boyfriend.

Somehow, it was brought up how Kihyun was still keeping his schedule, even going to the premiere, when he should have been with Hyeri since she’s still recovering from her car accident. More people chimed in and started putting together a timeline of everywhere Kihyun had been since her accident. People weren’t talking about the show, they were dragging Kihyun when he hadn’t done anything at all.

Her glass of wine turned into the entire bottle. That bottle turned to a second. Now she’s in tears watching low quality streams of the guys’ final show in Japan. Yoongi still looks terrible. Every time she sees him it’s worse than the last. Maybe he saw the comments about Kihyun. She knows that wouldn’t help anything if he had a reminder of her fake relationship thrown in his face.

“Fuck!” She cries fed up with it all. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

She’s wine drunk and so fucking fed up. She feels just as bad as he looks and she’s at her limit. Her heart is shattered and she feels she has nothing to lose anymore. Nothing but the love of her life.

She drunkenly taps out a message on her phone then passes out in bed fully clothed. She only asked herself what would Yoongi do, and so she did it. The wine has her head swimming so she doesn’t even care what happens next. She just wants her Yoongi back.

The guys did a group live to mark the almost end of their tour. They still have their final show in Seoul, but decided to do a group live now since they fear they may not be able to once they’re home. Plus, Yoongi has been clearly bothered by the recent talk about Kihyun.

Yoongi saw it all. He had a few extra drinks and drunkenly apologized to Kihyun for him being caught up in all this bullshit. Kihyun isn’t the bad boyfriend. In Yoongi’s eyes he’s the bad boyfriend. The bad, weak, most terrible boyfriend on the planet.

Yoongi couldn’t say no to the group live. He tried to stay present in the moment, but he frequently zoned out. At times he wasn’t sure what anyone was saying. He stayed quiet unless someone spoke to him. The live was so he’d stay sober and supervised, but he’s more irritated and sad instead.

The live doesn’t go long. In the end they all retreat to their rooms, with Jimin following Yoongi to his. Jimin saw Hyeri’s message, but he knows Yoongi hasn’t. He doesn’t want Yoongi to be alone when he sees it. He doesn’t know if he’ll have a positive or negative reaction, but either way he wants to be by his side.

Jimin chats with Yoongi a bit claiming that he just wants to hang out. He isn’t sure how to bring up the message naturally, so he hopes Yoongi looks at his phone to see for himself.

They have a drink together and chat some more before Yoongi finally looks at his phone. He checks a few missed calls and clears some emails. Out of habit, he looks at Instagram and the first thing he sees is a message posted on Hyeri’s account.

Hi everyone, this is Rainbow. I want to say that I’m very grateful for everyone who has sent well wishes during my time in recovery. It truly means a lot to me.

To repay your kindness I would like to be honest with you all about something that has been weighing heavy on me for a while in hopes that it causes no more pain for those I care about.

Yoo Kihyun is a wonderful person with a kind heart and incredible talent. He has become a great friend to me, but that’s all he ever has been. I’m sorry that you all were led to believe that Kihyun and I were engaged in a romantic relationship when we have only ever been friends. I have realized that my inaction has caused pain to some who were hurt by this lie, but I will do anything I can to make things right.

I’m sorry to all of my fans and I ask your forgiveness. I promise to work hard to be someone deserving of your love.

I’m resting well and can’t wait to see you all again. Please be healthy. I love you.

🌈Rainbow

Yoongi stares at his phone unsure of what he’s seeing. He reads the message a second time, then tries to determine what any of this means. He can’t be sure, but he feels like she was talking to him directly. Why did she do this now? Did she make this statement on her own? In one of the many ignored texts from her she did mention that she tried to get the company to tell the truth but they wanted to wait until after the show’s premiere. Is that why she’s doing this now?

“Hyung,” Jimin says softly. “For what it’s worth, everyone is saying she didn’t talk to JJS before posting that.”

“She didn’t?” Yoongi asks in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

“I guess you could ask her when we get home tomorrow.”

Yoongi nods though he’s not sure he wants to go home at all. Reading her letter has done nothing but make him feel worse than he already does. He knows that couldn’t have been easy for her to do, and if she finally spoke up for herself, then all of the things he had done have just become a million times heavier. Despite wanting to run far away, he can’t do anything about their flight tomorrow that will see him returning home in the afternoon. Home to Hyeri.

Hyeri wakes up with a wine hangover and a ton of missed calls and messages. She thought it was all a dream, but looking at her phone proves it wasn’t. Kihyun is praising and thanking her for putting the truth out there. He also shared the notice he put on his account that confirmed everything she said and apologized again for misleading fans.

Her friends and family are proud of her, knowing this has all been taking a toll on her, although none of them know just how much her relationship with Yoongi has seemed to deteriorate. His family seems unaware as well when she reads the messages from them offering their support. It’s not until this moment that she remembers Yoongi will be home this afternoon.

What would he say when he comes home and sees her there? Will he be mad? Will he make her leave? Will he at least speak to her? Her mind is spinning with questions, but that becomes the least of her problems.

Her manager called to let her know that he was going to pick her up for an emergency meeting with the company. She wanted to get out of it. She tried to, but she had no choice. She washed up and left when her manager arrived ready to face the consequences of her drunken actions.

The meeting is held with Hyeri, her manager, the PR team for JJS, and someone from HR. She’s nervous and almost certain that she’s about to get dropped from her agency.

Her manager starts by reciting some bullshit company rules that she’s in no mood to listen to. He reminds her that she has to consult with them before putting out any statements to ensure everyone is on the same page. That pisses her off. They’ve done nothing but tell her what statements they were going to put out leaving her with no choice. That’s why she’s in this shit in the first place and that’s why she’s fed up.

“I can’t keep living a lie,” she says softly. “I told you guys what the truth was but you already made up your minds that you would keep rolling with this lie that you forced me and Kihyun into. Where is he anyway? Did you guys talk to him already?”

“We have a separate meeting scheduled with him,” the PR lead says.

“Why?” Hyeri’s voice rises a notch. “Why won’t you ever discuss things with us together? Is it because you think I’ll roll over and do whatever you say, unlike him who will fight back? You want me to agree to what you want then convince him to do the same?”

“We told you what the plan was, you only needed to let us execute it.”

“I’m not waiting!” She shouts. “You wanted to wait weeks after the show to tell the truth and then you wanted to spin it like we broke up. Do you know what you’re doing to us by doing that? Do you even care??”

“Hyeri,” her manager tries to get her to calm down.

“No!” She retaliates feeling the burn of her frustration come boiling over. “Did you even see the witch hunt against Kihyun? And for what?! A few extra viewers? Did you notice no one is talking about the fucking show because they’re so concerned about whether Kihyun is a good boyfriend or not? This lie is hurting him. It’s hurting me. And it’s hurting my actual fucking boyfriend who I’m not even sure is even my boyfriend anymore! I’m not waiting around for you guys to say something when this shouldn’t even be happening in the first place!”

“Hyeri please,” her manager says trying to calm her down.

“Do you guys even care about me?” Her tears begin flowing endlessly and she can’t control her emotions any longer. “Why was it so bad for me to admit to dating Yoongi, but telling a lie is better?” Her cries turn to full sobs and she’s clutching her chest. All of this pain for what? Losing the love of her life for what? “I don’t care what you decide to do, but I’m not going to lie to anyone any longer.”

[somber-sapphic]

hi somber can I plesse request Alex Danvers from Supergirl getting sick after fighting an alien that causes cold/flu sickness as a side effect in the hours afterwards. possibly featuring worried sister Kara looking after Alex back to the lab before we go collect her? prompts could be “You really don’t look good…” and “You look like death warmed over.” 🌈🌺

Fevered Love

〖Notes: Look, I'll be honest, I don't like this one. I've rewritten it probably five times over the last few weeks and I just couldn't get it right. I'm really sorry I couldn't do it justice, I'll do better in the future.〗

〖Summary: Kara calls you in a panic, insistent that Alex is dying.〗

〖Word Count: 1.2k〗

〖Pairing: Sick Alex x Reader〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It wasn’t often that you got a frantic phone call from your sister-in-law begging you to hop on a plane and come home because (In Kara’s words) “I think Alex is dying”. That had been enough to jolt you out of your sleepy 4 am haze and push her for more information while tugging on socks while racing to pack everything up.

You hadn’t managed to get much more out of her, just that there had been a fight with an unknown alien and that Alex had gotten herself hit and that was about it. Kara had said that she couldn’t remember anything else important. Unfortunately, it was the ‘unimportant’ things that you really needed to know. Such as Alex’s temperature, her diagnosis, and if they had given her any medication.

It had taken you ten minutes to convince the woman who could literally fly faster than the speed of sound to come to get you, her arguing that she couldn’t leave Alex alone for all of the thirty seconds it would take for her to get you from England. You had finally convinced her that the brunette could be alone while she was sleeping and encouraged Kara to fly to you and bring you home.

Now, there you were, fighting with a clingy, feverish Alex while also trying to convince Kara that your fiancée would be fine. The blonde was incredibly distraught, while Alex seemed more interested in playing with your necklace. They had definitely given her something strong because she was totally and completely out of it.

“She’s been acting like this for hours! She fell asleep on the floor and then tried to make quesadillas, Y/n, I don’t know what to do!” the alien said, wringing her hands in distress. Her bright blue eyes were full of intense panic but at this point, you were more or less just exhausted. You were trying to gauge Alex’s condition, but it was difficult to do with Kara’s nonstop chattering and the woman’s utter disinterest in cooperating.

“Kara!” You finally snapped, shutting her up. She looked at you wide-eyed, her jaw hanging open in shock. Your fiancée stilled, both of them startled by your harsh tone. It wasn’t often that you were anything but soft-spoken and neither woman could actually recall a time that you had raised your voice.

“Kara,” You breathed, taking a moment to compose yourself before you continued. “I know you’re worried, but Alex will be fine. She’s loopy from medication, not dying. Now will you please stop yelling? It's four in the morning and you’re giving me a headache.”

“Mhm. Tried to tell’er.” Alex put in, already sounding a bit more coherent. Good, that would make her a bit easier to understand. You’d seen the woman with a high fever once and she had done some strange stuff. You’d found her wandering the apartment building wearing a tutu which you really had no idea how she got her hands on. It hadn’t been a fun 24 hours.

“Y-you sure?” Kara asked, sounding meek. The worry for her sister was endearing but also sort of annoying. Maybe you’d be able to deal with it in the morning, but for now, you just needed some quiet to tend to your fiancée.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Go home, get some rest. Tell Lena I said hi. I’ve got her, okay?” You walked over and squeezed the blonde’s shoulder, leading her slowly toward the door. Kara glanced back at Alex one last time and gave a small wave, which the brunette returned although with admittedly less gusto.

“Take care of her.” You smiled warmly at the reporter and nodded.

“Of course, Kar. I’ll call you in the morning. Go sleep.” She reluctantly left, tugging on the edge of her shirt as she walked down the hall. You hated making her leave when she was so anxious, but you needed to deal with Alex on your own, she would only make it worse with her hovering.

The woman pulled you out of your thoughts with a harsh coughing fit and drew you back to her side, biting your lip as you tried to figure out what to do.

“Aw Lex, you really don’t look good…” You sighed, taking a seat beside her on the couch. She whined tiredly and put her head on your shoulder, curling up against your side. She had barely said two words since you’d gotten home, and it didn’t seem like she was interested in saying anything for the time being.

“Do you remember what Hamilton gave you?” You murmured, content to just let her sleep for a while. You were exhausted from the conference and had suddenly remembered that you’d need to call your boss and somehow explain how you’d gotten from England to America in only a few hours in the middle of the night.

“I dunno, somethin’ strong. Said I’d be better ‘n a few days. M’sorry about Kara, she gets worried.” The brunette yawned, wrapping shaky hands around your bicep. You didn’t really understand how she could be trembling so hard while pressed so close to you, but you assumed it had to do with the fever.

“Shh, don’t worry her. How about we both get some sleep? You really do look like death warmed over.” You were teasing her a bit now, feeling more confident that you could actually take care of her. She was making sense now, which was a good sign. The way that her nose was running onto your collarbone and the wheezy sound of her breathing wasn’t particularly reassuring, but at least she wasn’t talking nonsense.

“Thanks for coming home. You didn’t have to do that.” The brunette sighed, letting out a deep chesty cough which she muffled into your shoulder. If this was contagious you would undoubtedly be getting it. You’d call Dr. Hamilton in the morning and get all of the information.

“Even if Kara didn’t tell me you were dying, I would’ve come home. I love you, Alexandra Danvers. Alien virus or not.” You heard her laugh quietly and leaned closer to her, trying to pretend that you were only doing it for her. If you were being honest, you really needed the hug.

The conference was so overwhelming, and you felt incompetent compared to everyone else there. A sick fiancée wasn’t precisely what you were hoping for to get you out of it, but at least you were home. Plus, Alex clearly needed you. Of course, this was about her needing you. Not the other way around.

“I love you too Y/n Y/l/n. You’re bein’ sappy, you okay?” The brunette prodded, putting you before herself, as always. You sighed heavily and kissed her warm forehead, leaving your nose pressed against her hairline. She smelled like vanilla and fresh cotton.

“Let’s worry about me later. For now, it’s bedtime. Sick girls need to rest.” Your lips quirked up when she kicked you and you both settled back into the couch, neither of you having the energy to get up and go to bed. Who needed a bed when there was another person to cuddle? Alex was more comfortable than any pillow could ever be.

You could tell by the way that she was breathing that it wouldn’t be an easy few days, but for the time being, all you could do was be there for her. Maybe she’d have more information in the morning. 

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[its-my-whump]

Whumpril 2024 - Day 24

No time to rest

@whumpril

Tw: exhaustion, stress, accident, gore, family issues, language

A twelf hour shift was no fun on a regular day, but the last week had taken all his energy.

Melissa had left him, openly advertising, that she had been having an affair for months. How couldn't he have seen? Maybe, because he was working all the time to pay their bills and finance her luxurious lifestyle?

His mother had reconnected. Naively, he had thought she had changed and maybe even wanted to make amends. All she wanted, was money for her next fix. And she kept calling, kept asking, begging, till she got high or frustrated and started insulting again.

Connor had broken his leg and had actually asked under tears, if whumpee could help him move. There was booze involved, when he did, still whumpee wasn't going to let him down and the time to organise was scarce.

So, his days just hadn't had enough hours and at some point, he hadn't had enough energy to keep up.

The result was, getting only so much sleep, that his body was hardly functioning and his mind just partly attending.

The result was, getting told off by his boss for the 3rd time this week. The man was usually a half decent asshole, but recently he was also pissed.

The result was, that whumpee almost fell down the stairs, packed with boxes, repeatedly. His right ankle get bend so bad the one time, he was almost sure, it got really damaged. Every step hurt like hell now.

He got a monster headache and an upset stomach. He had it. And today, he needed to make overtime, undo the shit he just messed up at work.

At 9 pm, the headache was so bad, he was sure, he was going to start puking any second, so he left work, even though, his mess wasn't cleaned up all the way.

A brief stop at the supermarket to get some groceries for Connor and then he could finally call it a day. Awaiting an unpleasend briefing with his boss in the morning, meaning, so probably even less sleep tonight.

A bag of groceries in his left arm, he was fishing for his ringing phone in his poket, while he exited the store. Too exhausted to think about it, he answered. It was Angelica, the woman, he used to call Mom a very long time ago. A muted fuck slipped over his lips, as her torn voice appeared in his head, letting the headache spike instantly. "Whatever you want. NO!" He had nothing left to fight with her. He cursed himself, that he still hadn't blocked her number. She tried to argue, he couldn't take it, his frustration spiking. "For fuck's sake, just shut up and go to hell." He pulled the phone from his ear and ended the call.

As his eyes lifted from his phone, he instantly realised, that he hadn't noticed, where he was going. It apparently wasn't the way to his car. The moment he saw, that he was standing in the middle of the road, lights were already blinding him. The honking horn yelling in his aching head and suddenly his feet were swept from under him.

The pain in his legs and the blaring in his brain ended instantly as his head smashed into the hood. The bag of groceries left his lifeless hand. Unconscious on the spot his limp body was thrown through the air like a ragdoll. Bloodcurling sounds of a bunchload of bones inside his body breaking, he cartwheeled over the car and after a brief second in the air his tensionsless form came down on unyielding pavement with a moist thud.

My masterlist

[gracethyomen]

"Clear Cut Case"

Okay, so, I lied. This chapter is still mostly setup. But it was either two exposition parts or one exposition part that was over 5k words and I have ADHD so I can't read that much in one sitting without going crazy. So here's the second part of the first episode. I won't painstakingly go through every episode beginning to end like this, I promise, just setting us up for the organization of events following from here. There are gonna be skips every now and then for the sake of getting to what's important and this story still mostly being about Mattalie.

So bear with me, and if you're new, welcome! The first part of this story is on my page on the masterlist. If you're not new, welcome back! Thanks for coming, it means a lot. Either way, thanks for being here, and lets get into it.

Warnings: Mention of death, mention of blood, mention of homicide, SO MUCH PINING. Matt being a human disaster, Natalie being a simp. Matt also being a simp but quieter. These two idiots can’t express their feelings for the life of them.

Foggy was tossing a baseball between his hands. The hollow thumps punctuating the thoughtful air. 

"I'm friends with Gary Feinstein in the DA's office. I'll give him a call first thing in the morning, see where their heads are at?" He mused.

Natalie nodded, her heels kicked off next to her chair. "I'm guessing they're gonna puff their chests, but they have to know murder two's a risk. We end up with manslaughter... get the right judge,- maybe she's out in five to ten?" She suggested, running a tired hand through her hair. 

"We're not taking a deal." Matt said, hands on his hips and mouth set into a familiar line that Nat recognized meant that he wouldn't budge. 

"No, this is why they have deals, Matt." Foggy argued. The baseball held in one hand as he dropped his hands to his sides. "So the straightforward cases don't waste everybody's time." 

Matt pursed his lips, and Natalie sat back in her chair, waiting for him to make his argument. "I don't think she did it." He said simply. 

Foggy blew a breath out through his lips. "She's the sole suspect, found at the scene covered in blood, with the murder weapon and no defensive wounds. If they offer anything, it'll be a gift, and we will take that gift." 

Natalie winced, looking at Matt's stony expression. "Usually I trust your gut, Matt." Foggy confessed. "But we do not want this to go to trial." 

"Foggy's right." Natalie confirmed, and Foggy gave her a quick thumbs up. To which she waved him off irritatedly. "Not only do we not want this to go to trial, we can't afford for this case to go to trial. Pushing on a trial for a case this clear cut will be the end of our careers." She pushed. 

"Exactly." Matt said, causing Nat's brows to furrow. "They don't want this to go to trial either." He pointed out. "Why hasn't she been charged?" 

Foggy started to toss his ball again. "They have 24 hours to charge her, and it's the weekend. They're gonna take every last second to collect the evidence before they move." 

Natalie paused, starting to catch on to what Matt was trying to say. "They've got the evidence, you've just laid it out yourself." Matt continued. "This is a good arrest, Foggy. We should already be reading about it in the papers. There's something not right about this case. I can feel it."��

Natalie sighed, stuck between both sides of the argument. She tilted her head down, massaging the headache building between her temples. "You can feel it?" She muttered, quiet enough that she knew neither of them could hear her, especially as Foggy started up again. 

"All right." Foggy tapped his foot just once, again, pausing his throwing. "I'm just gonna say this once, and we can move on. You don't necessarily show the best judgement when beautiful women are involved, Matt." He took a long pause. "Except for..." He gestured vaguely at Natalie, and she looked up, sniffing at Foggy's attempt at not insulting her. 

"Except for?" Matt asked, tilting his head expectantly. 

Natalie rolled her eyes at the two of them. "He just...waved his hand at me." She narrated quietly for him. 

"How would I know that they- either of them- are beautiful?" Matt noted. "No offense, Nat." He added. 

"None taken." She said, not quite truthfully. 

"I don't know." Foggy shrugged. "It's kinda spooky, actually." He admitted. "But if there's a stunning woman with questionable character in the room, Matt Murdock's gonna find her. Which means Foggy and Natalie are going to suffer!"

Matt laughed, but Natalie felt that it sounded hollow. "All right... I don't disagree with anything you're saying." 

"Thank you." 

"But I need you to back me on this." Natalie sighed, rubbing at her temples harshly. The headache that had settled there made it all the more difficult to listen to their bickering. She let out a soft groan before responding. 

"Alright, fine." She interjected, stopping the banter. "Let's start with the obvious, then. If she didn't do it who did?" 

Foggy hung his head, nodding tiredly. "Right. She's right. We're dead in the water if we can't even give them an alternative scenario." He ran a hand through his gold hair, breathing out slowly. 

"Nat's right, as always." Matt murmured, placing both hands on his hips and tapping his foot almost soundlessly on the shitty floorboards. "We need more information. If Karen didn't kill Fisher who did, and why?" He proposed. 

Foggy nodded absently, pointing in Matt's general direction. "We need to take another run at our client. She may not be guilty, Matt, but that doesn't mean Ms. Page is telling the truth." 

Natalie opened her mouth to agree before the phone rang loudly into the suite. Turning all three heads to the noise. She picked up the receiver and held it to her ear, scratching the back of her head where her clip was digging too far into her scalp.

"Nelson and Murdock, how can I help you?" She rattled off, already tapping her pen nervously. Her gut already told her what the person on the other end was saying. A call this soon after the arrest never meant anything good. "Oh, dear god." She whispered. "Yes we'll be there in an hour. Thank you." She hung up the phone, sitting back in her chair in shock. 

"What was that?" Foggy pressed, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Natalie looked up at him, mouth still agape. "That was the precinct." She explained, gaze floating between the two men. "Our client was just attacked in her holding cell." 

The sound of Matt's briefcase hitting the metal table echoed in the concrete room. Followed by the sounds of all three employees at Nelson and Murdock sitting in their rickety chairs. 

Matt immediately stiffened his posture and dropped his shoulders. If anyone else had looked, they probably wouldn't have noticed. But Nat noted the movement carefully, reading the tension rolling off of him in thick waves. 

"I'll make this easy for you detectives." He began sternly. "Get the ADA in here to release Ms. Page and we'll recommend to our charming, media-friendly client that she not plaster the airwaves with how she was nearly killed in your custody." The detectives shifted uncomfortably at Matt's words. No doubt imagining the hellfire that would rain down upon them if what he said did come to pass. 

Foggy took that moment to add on, with a self satisfied smirk. "And i'll agree not to make cooing noises for the rest of this meeting when I think of the civil suit that we have on our hands." Natalie fought the urge to kick him under the table. He never knew when to let things be. 

Detective Blake made a face at both of the lawyers that made Natalie grit her teeth. "How do you know they're not charging her?" He pointed out, fingers tightly woven together on the table to hide his frustration. Not very effectively, she might add. 

"Besides the fact that you were required to do so four hours ago if you were gonna do it at all?" Nat countered smoothly, raising a single brow at the detectives. "Along with how the security cameras on Ms. Page's detention area went on the fritz right before the assault." Blake glared at her, but she didn't move. She'd learned the hard way that if you give an inch officers like Blake would take a 5k. She didn't plan on budging. 

"Yeah, we'd like to speak to Mr. Farnum about that, as well as what-" Matt added on, adjusting his crimson glasses carefully on his nose as he spoke. 

"Get in line." Blake interrupted, furious. "He'll be arraigned in the morning." Matt's jaw clenched almost imperceptibly at the detective's tone. 

The room was quiet before Matt spoke again, in a tone that was enough to put shivers down even Natalie's spine. "Get our client released. Don't make me ask again." 

Natalie watched, rapt, as Hoffman whispered to Blake furtively. She didn't have to hear what he said to know he wasn't happy about it. 

Blake sighed through his nose after Hoffman sat back, settling his gaze on Matt. "I'll call the ADA." He conceded, standing from his chair to tower over her friend menacingly. "But you take that tone with me again?" He gritted out at Matt. "I don't care if you're blind. I'll kick the shit out of you." 

Foggy's eyes narrowed. All trace of joking manner gone. "Really?" He murmured. "We're gonna go there?" 

Detective Blake gave one more scathing look at the trio before he and Hoffman left the room. Leaving Natalie to finally let loose a deep, nervous breath. 

Foggy scoffed. "That was pleasant." He snarled. 

Matt scrubbed a hand over his permanent five o'clock shadow. Deep in thought. "It doesn't make any sense." He insisted. "ADA had everything they needed..." 

Natalie's face slackened as realization came. "Unless they had too much." She looked between Matt and Foggy. 

She could almost see the moment Matt connected the dots. Right as Foggy looked over at them both as he often did when they got going on something. "What? Am I missing something?" 

Natalie touched Foggy's arm. "What if someone else was in Karen's apartment that night? What if they have evidence?" She pondered. 

"That'd be Brady material." Matt pointed out. "They'd have to turn it over." Foggy's mouth popped open, leaning back in his chair. 

"Only if she were charged." He added. "She hangs herself in her cell, this all goes away." Foggy shook his head. "Clear cut case." He murmured mockingly. 

Natalie stood from the table, pulling the door open to usher both of the men out. "Come on. Let's get her some clothes and get her the hell out of here." 

Karen, Matt, and Natalie all sat at the faded, chipped table in what was meant to be the waiting area of the office. Karen wearing a hoodie and leggings Natalie had picked up from her apartment for her. She'd grabbed two of the items that were the biggest on her, but Karen's arms and ankles still dangled out of the ends. 

Why did she have to be so damn tall? Or, she realized - with no small amount of embarrassment - why did she have to be so damn short. 

She was brought out of her thoughts by Foggy entering the room holding a cup of still-steaming liquid. From the smell, she assumed it was tea. 

"Sorry, we don't have any milk." He told Karen softly, passing her the cup before sitting down with the group. 

Matt also seemed to smell the aromatic concoction because he turned to Foggy with a mixture of confusion and admiration. "We have tea, now?" He asked, bemused. 

"Stole it from the Financial Office next door." Foggy said by way of explanation. Looking at Karen comfortingly. 

Natalie also turned to Karen, trying to get a gauge on the woman now that she wasn't covered in blood and hysterical. 

"How are you holding up?" She asked gently, fidgeting with her fingertips nervously on the table. 

"Better." She gave a weak, grateful smile. "Thanks for getting me out." 

Foggy sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "Don't thank us yet." He corrected. "Just because they released you doesn't mean they won't eventually bring charges." 

Matt nodded, tapping his fingers on the wood aimlessly. "Which is why it's crucial you don't speak to anyone but us about what happened that night." He explained, tone firm but caring. 

Karen laughed nervously, cradling her cup of tea but not taking a sip. Natalie wondered if she'd forgotten she was holding it. "I don't have anyone to talk to, anyway." She joked. Although it sounded hollow. 

"Do you have somewhere you can stay tonight?" Matt asked, clearly creating some plan in his mind that neither Foggy or Natalie would know about until he decided it was time. 

Karen seemed caught of guard for a moment, mouth dropping open. "M-my apartment's not far." She shrugged. 

"You can't go back there." Foggy immediately interjected. Holding up a hand cautiously. 

Matt cleared his throat, adjusting in his chair. "Ms. Page, our immediate priority is to keep you safe." She pressed his lips together for a moment, and Natalie zeroed in on the motion, watching the pressure turn the pink skin white. "In order to do that, we're gonna need to have a frank discussion." 

Matt inclined his head at Natalie, who discreetly pressed the record button on the device in her lap. 

"Do you know who's trying to kill you?" Matt started, at Karen's 'No' he continued. "Do you know why someone would try to kill you?" 

There was a long pause where Foggy and Natalie looked at Karen, waiting patiently for her answer. 

"Yes." The blonde muttered. Natalie closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Matt rolled his shoulders back as Karen began to speak.

And the hole they found themselves standing around became so much deeper.

a/n: I promise this is the last part before we return to the stuff I assume you guys came for. Wanted you guys to get a sense of not only the group dynamic and how these guys operate but also a tad of what Natalie is like. Yes, she's quiet for the most part. I promise that Matt brings her out eventually, but she's naturally reserved. Also, I don't tolerate Karen hate, she's badly written in a few places but I love her, and Nat does too.

Once again, thanks for reading, and if you liked this post consider leaving a note or following for more.

As always thanks to @abucketofweird consider this story dedicated to you and your initial interest. <3

Have a good day/night, whatever time it is.

-Sybil :)

[hockeylvr59]

Here With Me Part 24 || Taylor Makar

Author’s Note: Taylor and Kelsey's relationship is put to the test as Taylor finally learns exactly how Kelsey and Bobby know each other and Kelsey's secret is revealed. FC: Marina Laswick (@marooshk on instagram).

Warnings: discussion of abortion, sexual assault (stealthing), angst, hurt, comfort // Word Count: 5,689

~~~~

March 29th, 2023

Bobby: T survive meeting your parents?

Kelsey: Despite my mom being a total bitch yeah thankfully. 

Bobby: Good. Now you have no reason not to tell him. 

Kelsey: Bobby…

Bobby: You know I’m right Kels…keeping this from him isn’t helping anything. 

Kelsey: I promised to tell him before summer and I will. Now please lay off. 

******

April 6th, 2023

Taylor walked into medical ethics with Kelsey’s favorite coffee in hand, ready to kiss his girlfriend good morning after not seeing her the night before because she had a headache. He was a little surprised when the seat in front of him was empty. If he and Kelsey didn’t come together she was always here before him. 

He figured that she had every right to be running a bit late once and awhile and he unpacked his things expecting her to appear any moment. 

And then the clock struck the hour with no sign of Kelsey. 

Their professor started class and no sign of Kelsey. 

Sneaking his phone out of his pocket he checked to see if he’d missed any messages from her….nothing. 

What the fuck? Taylor had slept like shit without Kelsey in his bed and now she wasn’t in class. She never missed class. 

Taylor: Where are you? Is everything okay?

Taylor stared at the screen of his phone waiting for something…anything. 

Kelsey wasn’t driving because if she was he would have gotten the automated response to his message. 

Taylor: It’s not like you to miss class Kels…

Nothing. She wasn’t even answering him and he found himself slightly annoyed.

Taylor couldn’t help but think over the last week or so…had he missed something? Had she already told him she wouldn’t be here today and he’d forgotten? 

They’d gone on their hike. She’d stayed over Monday and was fine in class Tuesday. She hadn’t stayed over Wednesday but Thursday’s class was normal though she’d been a bit tense when he’d tried to kiss her after. Last weekend they’d gone out and she’d spent Saturday night tucked against his chest while he watched his brother’s team play the Stars. Admittedly she’d been extra affectionate even for her but Taylor assumed she was just in a mood. 

She’d spent this Monday over as well. Everything seemed normal so why wasn’t she here or at least responding to him? 

From the back row, one of the class’s assholes piped up about how he didn’t see any reason why late term abortions would be necessary. That dude fucking needed to keep his opinions to himself because they weren’t good ones. Kelsey could probably list a dozen reasons why late term abortions could be necessary. 

Well…he assumed she could. If there was anything Kelsey was truly passionate about it was women’s health and so Taylor assumed that her views on abortion were what he predicted. But then again….he didn’t know. She never talked about it. 

In fact she’d been tense as hell all day Tuesday when they started talking about abortion. 

He’d noticed she hadn’t been herself but he assumed she just needed a break from talking. But god this was Kelsey…she never needed a break from talking about something that mattered to her. Without fail she had at least one well thought out comment or opinion each class. But Tuesday…Tuesday she’d been silent. 

And now she wasn’t here.

Something was wrong. Taylor just didn’t know what that something could possibly be. Maybe she was just sick but Taylor honestly didn’t think that was the case. 

Looking at his phone again there was still nothing from Kelsey and Taylor’s stomach sunk. 

Taylor: Hey Lauts….I need you to pick me up after my class and take me to Kels’. It’s important. 

With his roommate’s confirmation he’d be there, Taylor tried to pay attention to the class discussion. Honestly though he just kept looking between his phone and the clock waiting for this class to be over so he could go see Kelsey. 

____

When he knocked on the door to Kelsey’s apartment, it took a minute but eventually one of her roommates opened the door. 

“Is Kels home?” He asked, shifting slightly on his feet. Getting a brief nod in response, they gestured to Kelsey’s room and when he opened the door after knocking he was a bit shocked by what greeted him. 

It was plain as day that Kelsey had been crying, her skin was pale while her face was red and splotchy, her hair was lacking its usual shine, and her eyes looked sunken. Those same eyes went wide seeing him and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as he crossed the room sinking down onto the bed to pull her against his chest. 

Immediately the tears started all over again, soaking his hoodie and she shook in his arms. 

“What’s going on Kels?” Taylor questioned softly, worry and confusion on his face. 

“I had an abortion freshman year.” 

The second the words left her mouth Kelsey’s sobs increased and Taylor froze. 

Abortion. 

Kelsey had had an abortion…

Everything they had talked about in class…Kelsey had done that. 

Kelsey had been pregnant. Knocked up. With child. 

And then she’d made it go away. 

It was all just too much for him to process. Releasing her from his grasp, Taylor stood up from her bed and paced her room just trying to wrap his mind around what she had just dropped on him. 

An abortion….his girlfriend….the girlfriend who was anal as fuck about protection had had an abortion. 

“I…I gotta go.” He mumbled, walking out the door he had entered only minutes before, leaving Kelsey sobbing amongst her sheets. 

*****

Kelsey: I told him and he left. 

Kelsey: This is all your fucking fault Bobby. 

Kelsey: I knew he wasn’t ready and now I’ve lost him. 

*****

Bobby: I am driving up from Hartford T and when I get there we are gonna have a chat. 

*****

Taylor had taken a bus back to campus and made his way back to his apartment and he was there still trying to wrap his mind around everything when Bobby Trivigno, his captain last season, burst into his room. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” He immediately yelled, glaring at Taylor. Dropping his voice to a more even level purely so that Taylor’s roommates couldn’t overhear, Bobby continued. “Kelsey tells you the most personal thing in her life and you fucking walk out on her you asshole. You just broke her a hundred times worse than she was broken two years ago.” 

“Wait. You knew.” Taylor stated, voice accusing as he stood up, moving to shove Bobby. 

“Sit your fucking ass down TMak.” Bobby grit. “If you’re thinking I slept with her and it was my baby you’re not even in the right universe. But if you sit the fuck down I’ll tell you what happened.” 

Continuing to glare at Bobby for a minute, Taylor finally flopped onto his bed, running his fingers through his hair. 

“I knew Kelsey through Carvy.” Bobby started. “She’d be around the rink trying to sneak five minutes of ice time whenever she could. We’d chat occasionally but that was it.” 

Taylor’s eyes were still accusing as he looked at his former captain. 

“It was late January, the season was going well and I’d started to get a sinus infection so I went to urgent care just to get it taken care of before it actually started to impact my play or whatever. So I see a doctor, get meds prescribed, and as I’m stepping out of the exam room someone is leaving the one across from me as well.” Bobby continued. 

“It was immediately apparent it was a young woman sobbing and she was wobbly on her feet. The nurse with her was worried that maybe she shouldn’t have tried to leave so soon and as her legs started to give out I reached out on instinct and caught her. That was when I realized it was Kelsey.” 

“She flinched at my touch until she looked up and realized it was me and then she relaxed. I asked her if she was okay and if I could take her home and after getting her permission and checking with the nurses that that was okay, I picked her up bridal style and carried her to my car while she cried against my shoulder.” Bobby shifted to lean against Taylor’s desk as he proceeded with his story. 

“I didn’t push her to talk but settled her into my passenger seat and drove her back to her dorm. It was once I had parked there that she mumbled out that she was pregnant. Dude she was a fucking wreck. I had seen Kelsey angry before but never had she been just broken like she was that day. All I could do was rub her back while she sobbed into her knees mumbling that she didn’t know how this could have happened. That she was always careful that the guys she was with used condoms.” Anger flickered over Bobby’s face that wasn’t directed at Taylor. 

“She very obviously didn’t know what she was going to do, she was in shock. We sat there outside her dorm for probably forty five minutes while she just cried and cried and cried. Like I didn’t fucking know how to help her. Even after she finally left my car I didn’t know what to do.” Bobby’s sigh reflected the helplessness he’d felt that day even now. 

“She’d been in the back of my mind constantly after that. And then two days later she’d texted me asking for a huge favor…could I take her to the doctor’s to take care of it. That she needed someone that could take her home after and she couldn’t tell her parents. And what was I supposed to do, tell her no?” 

“So I took her. I dropped her off at the clinic for her appointment and then waited outside doing homework. And when she finally texted me to please come in and get her, I did. She looked pale, but I’d never seen someone look so relieved. Like she’d gotten her life back. There was that glimmer of Kelsey in her eyes for the first time. She’d gone from a shell of herself to almost whole again just like that.” Taking a breath it was clear that Bobby was almost done, though not quite there yet. 

“I took her to get a milkshake and then once she signaled that she was ready I took her back to her dorm. We really didn’t talk about it after that. Though she was more herself it was clear that it still weighed on her and I’d hug her whenever I got the chance just to remind her that it was okay.” 

“Then at a party after the natty, she was there and looked like a ghost. I realized she was looking at a guy across the room with horror as he very loudly proclaimed to his buddies who were complaining about condoms that the way to avoid that was just to take it off while the girl wasn’t paying attention. It took everything in me not to punch his lights out. And to keep Kelsey from crossing the room to punch his lights out. I have never seen her so pissed off as when we realized that she had gotten stealthed.” 

Bobby went quiet for a minute and then shook his head. 

“So T. I can’t tell you why she made the choices she did. But I can tell you this. That woman you love…she’s who she is because of this experience. Because she made the choices she did. Do you think you’d be together if she’d continued with the pregnancy, had a child whether she’d kept it or not? Would she have the same ambition and drive and passion if she hadn’t been through that? Because I can tell you that I’m certain you would not and she would not. She would be a shell of the woman she is now. Just like she was for that week and the months following it as she pieced herself back together and dealt with the trauma.” 

“So like I fucking get it. I’d be in shock too if my girlfriend told me that. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to act like an asshole. You broke her today. She trusted you enough to admit something that only she, I, and the doctors and nurses that took care of her know. No one else knows. It’s her deepest secret and she shared it with you though she was fucking terrified of losing you over it. And you just walked out on her. You cracked that trauma she went through wide open again. You need to fucking fix it. Especially if you love her the way it seems like you do.” 

“I gotta get back to Hartford. But fix it. Don’t do her dirty like he did or I will come back here and kick your ass.” 

Bobby stared Taylor down for a full minute before finally turning and letting himself out of Taylor’s room. 

*****

Bobby: I talked to T. Told him how it all happened. Give him tonight to process and he’ll see sense. 

Bobby: He loves you Kels. I know he does. 

Bobby: I’ll come back and kick his ass if he continues to be an idiot. 

******

April 7th, 2023

Kelsey had given Taylor the night just like Bobby had suggested but now she needed to know where they stood. If Taylor couldn’t accept her past then they had no future and it would be better to just know that instead of waiting for him to reach out to her or push her away. After all, she couldn’t just continue to sit around sobbing forever no matter how much she hurt. 

Eating because one of her roommates had forced an omelet at her this morning, Kelsey made her way to Taylor’s knowing that he didn’t have class on Fridays. 

There was no one home when she arrived and knocked and so she sat on the floor of the hallway to wait. 

Twenty minutes later, familiar voices finally reached her ears from down the hall and when she looked up, Taylor’s roommates were looking at him with concerned expressions as they unlocked their door. 

A moment later, Taylor’s hand was reaching down to her in an offer to help her up and Kelsey took it, rising back to her feet. His roommates had already disappeared through the open door and Kelsey eyed Taylor wearily. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, his hand shifting to guide her inside the apartment. Immediately Kelsey froze and shifted out of reach of his touch. Accepting his help was one thing, but that touch was another and Kelsey didn’t want it. Not after he walked out on her. 

His apology meant nothing either. Not when Kelsey didn’t know what it meant. Was it an “I’m sorry but we’re done” or an “I’m sorry but this isn’t something I can get past” or one of a million other reasons that the words I’m sorry could be leaving his mouth. 

Still she stepped into the apartment and continued the few steps down the hall to Taylor’s room with him trailing her. 

Once his door was shut Kelsey bit her lip before just saying what she had come over to say. 

“I just need to know if we’re done. I can’t…I can’t play this guessing game so if this is too much for you, if this isn’t something you can accept I need you to tell me now Taylor.” 

“Why would we be done?” Taylor asked, shocked that it had even crossed her mind. “I still love you.” 

“You walked out on me Taylor…” Kelsey whispered. 

“I knew something was off…but I wasn’t expecting you to drop that on me. I just…I needed time to think, Kels…” 

“Okay. You’ve had 24 hours. Where has all that thinking gotten you?” 

Taylor had had so many thoughts in the last twenty four hours and honestly most of them were still a jumble he hadn’t made sense of. 

"I want to kill the man that violated you like that." Taylor started. To Taylor, what that guy had done to her was nearly as bad as forcing himself on her. He had violated her trust and her consent all because he didn’t like the feel of a thin layer of latex. It was stupid and unacceptable. 

“Knowing you were so isolated, so alone going through that makes me sad…” It was still hard to process that outside of this room the only people that knew what Kelsey had been through were the nurses and doctors and Bobby. That he was the first person Kelsey had really told. "And now I'm even more in love with your strength." 

Kelsey’s expression wobbled at the last part of his statement, her eyes growing watery. 

“Come ‘ere Kels, please.” Taylor murmured, opening his arms in hopes that she would step into them. 

Though she hesitated for a moment, she did step forward, tucking her body into his and letting him wrap his arms around her. 

“I still love you and I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered into her hair. “I’m so sorry I left.” 

Almost instantly, the flood gates opened and Taylor felt Kelsey’s tears soaking into his shoulder. 

In response, Taylor held her tighter, his heart constricting at witnessing her pain. 

“I’m right here Kels. Just let it all go.” 

It wasn’t long before his own tears were streaming down his face and into her hair, yet Taylor never loosened his grip on her, not when it was clear how much she needed him. 

As she leaned on him more, it was clear that finding the strength to stand was difficult for her and so Taylor’s hands briefly swept down to her thighs, hoisting her up and onto his bed before he settled back between her legs and wrapped her back in a tight hug. 

“I love you Kelsey.” Taylor whispered once again. “Nothing's gonna change that. My incredible girl.” 

Taylor had seen Kelsey upset before, he’d seen her mad before, he’d heard her cry when he was in Calgary. None of that compared though to seeing her utterly broken in his arms, unable to control her tears. And to make matters worse was the knowledge that this was his fault, he was the reason she was like this…because he had walked out on her likely proving every single one of her fears accurate. 

No amount of holding her would fix what he had broken. And that gutted him. But it couldn’t hurt either and so he would hold her as long as she needed him to, laying soft kisses to her hair and just trying to reassure her that he wasn’t going to leave her, not again. 

Eventually her body went limp against his and Taylor peeked down at her to find that she had passed out against him. She had cried herself to sleep sitting up. 

Fuck.

Ever so carefully, Taylor shifted her to lay down on his bed and when she didn’t stir he grabbed a light blanket to cover her with. 

All of the observations he had made yesterday as to her appearance were even more emphasized and Taylor couldn’t help but curse again. This was his fault. If he hadn’t been such chicken shit maybe she would be okay. Honestly he deserved to have Bobby kick his ass. 

The rumbling of a stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten after their weight session this morning. Except it wasn’t his stomach that was rumbling, it was hers and Taylor knew that anything she had eaten in the last few days had likely been basic sustenance that was forced on her.  

She needed to eat. 

Kissing her forehead, Taylor stepped out of his room and into the kitchen trying to decide what he could make them for lunch. 

“Hey T…everything okay?” Mercs asked, seeing Taylor walk by his open door. Taylor’s shrug as he passed said it all and Mercs groaned, moving to get some backup from Lauts. 

“Anything we can do?” While they didn’t know what was going on, Bobby showing up and the way Kelsey had appeared sitting on the hall floor said enough for them to know that something big had happened. 

Sighing, Taylor rubbed at his face as he looked through the fridge and cabinets for something Kelsey might like. Then it hit him…Kelsey’s favorite food, especially for comfort was homemade mac and cheese. 

“Fuck…yeah could you run to the store for a few things?” 

Knowing that it wouldn’t hurt to get a few things for the weekend anyway, the two of them nodded. 

“Yeah. Just text us a list.” Mercs agreed, moving to grab what he needed to head back out. 

Once they were gone, Taylor pulled his phone from his pocket and called his mom. 

“Everything okay baby?” Laura asked upon answering. “Not your usual time of day for a phone call.” 

“No but it will be.” Taylor mumbled, adding an ‘I hope’ under his breath. “Can you send me a recipe for homemade mac and cheese?” 

“Of course Tay…” Laura trailed off, leaving silence in case Taylor wanted to say anything else. When he didn’t she just assured him that she would text it to him in a minute or two and expressed her love for him reminding him to let her know if he needed anything. 

“Love you too mom. Thanks.” 

Hanging up the phone, Taylor peeked in on Kelsey to make sure that she was still asleep while he waited for his mom to send the recipe. 

Once she had, he texted off a list of ingredients to Mercs and Lauts and settled onto the floor beside his bed to be close to Kels while she slept. 

Scrolling through his phone, Taylor sighed knowing that he owed Kelsey the world after acting like the biggest asshole and leaving her without even giving her a chance to explain. Texting Mercs again he asked him to pick up some flowers as well because…well honestly he just wanted to try and make Kelsey smile again even if he knew that was a feat that may be unattainable. 

When Kelsey shifted a bit, her hand falling over the side of the bed, Taylor looked up. Thankfully she didn’t wake and he reached up, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. He was going to be there for her whether she wanted to talk about it or whether she wanted to bury it once more. He owed her his respect and understanding after all, even if he still had so so many questions. 

Sitting there with her until he heard the front door of the apartment, Taylor got up and kissed her head again glad she was getting the rest her body clearly needed. Then he moved to help his roommates with the groceries, thanking them softly as he put a pot of water on to boil and pulled out another to make the cheese sauce. 

“We’re gonna go hang with some of the guys.” Lauts declared. “Give you and Kelsey some space…” 

Nodding his appreciation, Taylor pulled out his phone with the recipe his mom had sent to get to work making the food. 

He worked carefully and quietly, making sure to follow each direction exactly because the last thing he needed was to fuck this up too. As he cooked he ate a wrap he’d thrown together because this mac and cheese recipe was definitely not on his diet plan. By the time he had a steaming pot of creamy mac and cheese on the stove, everything else cleaned up and washed, there was still no sign of Kelsey. 

As much as she needed the sleep she also needed to eat so Taylor scooped out a bowl and poured her a glass of water, taking both of them back to his room and setting them beside the bed. Perching carefully on the edge of the mattress he shook Kelsey to wake her. 

It took a moment but eventually her eyes fluttered open and Taylor brushed his fingers over her cheek. 

“You wanna eat something for me?” He asked. “Made you mac and cheese.” Kelsey was visibly groggy as she struggled to sit up and Taylor kissed her forehead once again as she settled. 

“I…” She started but Taylor quickly shook his head. 

“Just eat Kels. You gotta take care of yourself.” Taylor insisted, placing the bowl into her hands. 

Her eyes dropped to it and she stared at it for a minute. 

“This is…” She started softly, tearing up before she could finish. 

For a split second Taylor felt insecure that maybe he’d fucked up even though the one bite he’d had tasted fine to him. Then he realized that she had been expecting something boxed or premade, not homemade. 

“I know homemade mac and cheese is your comfort food Kels and it was literally the least I could do.” The tears fell and Taylor sighed softly. “C’mon Kels don’t cry…it’s just mac and cheese.” 

Taking the bowl from her hand before she spilled it everywhere, Taylor twisted to pull her into his arms once more. 

“If you’re gonna cry over mac and cheese I guess I should leave the flowers in the living room.” He teased softly, wiping at her tears even as more fell. Though he’d tried to pull away to place the bowl of food back in her hands, Kelsey clung to him. 

“Alright…scoot forward a bit.” He finally instructed with a sigh. “Let me sit behind you because you gotta eat Kels.” 

When she complied, Taylor climbed onto the bed behind her, pulling her back to his chest and wrapping one arm around her torso. 

“I’m gonna be right here Kels. Now please eat.” He pleaded, grabbing the bowl and holding it in front of her with his free hand. Leaning against him, Kelsey finally compiled, taking the bowl from him. She ate slowly but it was eating all the same and that was the desired end result. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Taylor whispered once she had finally finished. 

Immediately Kelsey shook her head. 

“Do you think maybe you should talk about it though…” He prodded gently. “Not good to bottle it all up and I promise you you’re not going to get any judgment from me and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Kelsey tensed a bit and Taylor sighed. 

“Not gonna force you though Kels…you know that. I love you and just want to see your beautiful smile again.” 

Kelsey’s left hand reached down to play with Taylor’s fingers and after a moment she sighed and swallowed hard. 

“Bobby has been bugging me for like the last month to tell you.” She whispered. “Kept telling me this wasn’t the kind of secret a relationship could survive hiding.” Taylor didn’t say anything when she paused, just letting her continue to trail a light touch over his hand. The fact that Bobby apparently had to push her to tell him stung a little though. 

“But I didn’t want to lose you.” She finally breathed. “You mean everything to me Taylor.” 

She paused again clearly trying to collect her thoughts and Taylor just nosed against her head giving her his silent support. He supposed that was fair for her to think given his reaction to the pregnancy test and the fact that he had walked out on her when she told him. 

“I didn’t plan to tell you like that.” She mumbled. “I don’t…I don’t know how I was going to tell you but it wasn’t going to be like that. I just…after class Tuesday I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was barely twenty again sitting on that medical exam table as the nurse told me that the reason I’d felt like I had a flu I couldn’t shake was because I was pregnant. Like once again my whole world was going to crash down around me.” 

Kelsey’s shoulders slumped against him and Taylor pressed his lips to her temple, squeezing her hand. 

“Listening to all those comments from men who will never truly be able to understand…” She cried. “I didn’t have a choice Taylor…I couldn’t…my parents would never…what about my life!” Her tone was frantic and desperate and Taylor let her continue knowing she needed to get this out. “I didn’t want to have a baby Taylor. I didn’t want to put my body through that misery and all the risks of complications. Not when I was alone. Not when I want to be a doctor. I didn’t have a choice…” 

“I know you didn’t Kels….” Taylor finally whispered. 

“I was so scared.” Kelsey’s defensive tone shifted once again and she almost sounded like a child. “I was all alone to make the hardest decision of my life.” 

“You’re not alone now, Kels. Not anymore. I love you.” 

“Say it again….” She pleaded, fear still lingering in her voice. 

“You’re not alone Kelsey because I love you.” Taylor repeated without hesitation. “And no matter what I’m not leaving you.” 

Shifting, Kelsey turned to face Taylor, half straddling his lap. Her eyes searched his for a moment before she pressed a soft kiss to his lips and promptly buried her head into his shoulder. 

“I love you.” Taylor whispered in her ear again as she clung to him. He would say it as many times as she needed him to, until she finally believed him. 

****

Kelsey had again fallen asleep on him and Taylor continued to hold her knowing that she needed him to be her rock and steady her. He hadn’t been able to be there for her then, but he could be here now and at the moment she was his number one priority. 

When she awoke once more it was late afternoon and it wasn’t long before she was soaking his chest with tears clearly having bottled up so many emotions that were finally being released. 

“C’mon kels, let’s go shower…” Taylor urged knowing that she would feel better once she had cleaned up. Guiding her off of him and then helping lift her from his bed, Taylor grabbed clothes and then hugged her tightly before guiding her into his bathroom. After starting the hot water, he kissed over her head and face as he undressed her and then himself before stepping under the stream of water. 

“I love you.” It was a phrase he repeated over and over as he gently washed her. By the end of the shower, Kelsey’s body was more relaxed even if the hollow look in her eyes still lingered. 

Drying her, Taylor helped her back into her own undergarments and then into a pair of his sweats and one of his t-shirts. Though she swam in them, Taylor knew that they would help provide her comfort and signaled that he wanted her to stay. 

The evening wasn’t much different than the afternoon had been, Taylor keeping Kelsey wrapped up in his arms providing her as much comfort as he could as they had dinner, watched a couple movies on his laptop, and fell asleep on his bed. 

Though little by little Kelsey relaxed, Taylor knew that it was important to continue letting her stay close until her mind was fully satisfied that he wasn’t leaving. 

By Sunday, Taylor’s roommates were more than a little concerned, as Taylor normally didn’t spend an entire weekend just laying around doing nothing. Knocking on his cracked door softly, Mikey called him out. 

“Yo T, bring Kels and come play some COD with us.” 

Looking down at where his girlfriend was trailing fingers along the outer seam of his shirt, Taylor sighed, not sure if she was up to being around anyone else. When his eyes met her he could see the small lingering panic. 

“They’re not asking you to leave Kels, just want us to join them, but only if you’re up for it.” 

Though she hesitated for a moment, eventually Kelsey nodded. 

Taking her hand, Taylor led her to the living room and as he settled onto the floor he pulled her down with him to rest between his thighs. 

She lasted all of half an hour before she was wiggling out of his arms, murmuring about going to the bathroom. It took her awhile to return but when she did, she had one of his hoodies and a t-shirt in hand along with a small plastic container. 

“You cold or something?” Taylor asked as she settled herself between his thighs once he had died and was waiting to respawn. 

“You have a seam starting to split. And the hem stitches on the shirt are fraying.” Kelsey mumbled, setting the shirt aside and reaching for the hoodie along with her needle and thread. 

Taylor could only shake his head a bit. Of course Kels was going to sit on the floor between his legs and fix his clothes while he played video games. In reality though it was a relief because this was the first time she had seemingly wanted to do anything in the past few days. 

Behind him the roommates exchanged a look of ‘okay then…’ before they focused back on the game. Taylor and Kelsey seemed okay even if it was still obviously apparent that something had happened. 

Taylor enjoyed the focused look on Kelsey’s face as she worked to remove damaged stitching and replace it with new stronger ones.

“Thanks Kels…” Taylor whispered as she finished the hoodie while they waited in the lobby for another game. 

“Welcome T.” Kels replied, a hint of a smile on her face as she tipped her head back for a kiss. 

Returning it eagerly, Taylor felt himself filled with hope. Yes things might be hard for a little bit but they were going to be just fine. Kelsey would heal because he was going to do everything possible to support her and in the end this would bring them closer together.

[toinfinitywinning]

it’s been a Long time. Maybe I’ve been lazy. Not really. No offense but a daily blog kinda is like but have you slept since the last one? I know a lot can change in 24 hours though. But anyway I can’t think of anything better to do than to try to write about pain at the same time I’m experiencing my worst. Where, ibuprofen and Tylenol rebound and youre left with a parallel to someone taking antibiotics when they’re not needed over and over to where eventually just quit taking it. You’ve expired it, gone the opposite Way. But ain’t that a Bitch tho. Please help us.

At this point Covid took me hostage for potentially the rest of my Life. No hyperbole. For the Second time in about 10 days I have wept and wept in immense, indescribable Pain you only know if you’ve also experienced constant Chronic Pain. Hard crying helps take in some endorphins but then I get another Headache so it’s just all Fucked -that’s the word, the only appropriate word for my currency. And, the best endorphin in some cases. Carries its own presence. Idk if this writing is helpful or not LOL.

I certainly don’t write for pity. It is just the truth that any contact is exhausting and can cost me. From seeing my family? Working? Hiking? A roller coaster? Anything like what would gentry do? TBH idk what it’s costing right now b/c I’m already spent. Then I’m like that is the most selfish thing ever. Then I’m also like I have to be selfish some to stay sane. I write to Connect. I think I can count on like 5-7 fingers having cried like this.

Even after all the …stuff I’ve been through. Mom reminded me of the endorphins potentially available when you cry like that. How tragic we’re desperate enough at times to attach a good feeling to something so terrible while you’re crying trying to pocket some b/c there’s certainly no sunshine in the other one.. B/c Exercise or exertion aren’t options. In a sense I like give the computer sheet of paper my Pain and when I hit Post it should all Go away until it says successful. Then I close my iPad b/c my eyes hurt.

Like most people with a 180 life spin you’ve most likely not seen it coming—for me, Especially after conquering so much and finally being in a Good place and looking up up for the first time in a long time. I’m still mad about that. Angry really. It’s unfair but even my situation is in isolation. It’s possible somebody in Singapore is feeling the same Pain. Or I think I went too far, China. +, we are bonding over this!

It’s not just the positive interactions and experiences we find solace in. I can’t get through this alone and putting my pride aside has been a difficult task I’ve pretty much holstered. I’m not much for a Group Project ever b/c I usually End up doing it all anyway or sitting in a circle with toilet paper with adjectives but that all we’ve got in a sense. Most of us used to be able to say headache or Migraine and a few hours to 48 hours it’s usually passed. That was me. Every Day it’s just Deep in my bones. My bones that hurt. That cry out and are dry and dancing. Get me there.

Anyone is sure welcome to share their story. The loneliness that is already a different one might feel more insulated. And, I’m sorry, sorry you’re dealing with w/e it might be. That’s the circle of metal chairs you’ll probably only find in Baptist churches I should be looking for.

Can we have Faith without Faith in that? I thought I Left seminary. Ah geez.

I gotta Go.

[sparklingchim]

long way home 08 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 2k

rating: pg

genre: dilf!jungkook, friend to lovers, angst

warnings: jk helping oc to get changed, jk having some dirty thoughts🙄, he's kinda obsessed w her boobs

summary: the one where you're drunk and ask jungkook a question and he unknowingly crushes all your hopes with his answer.

a/n: the last update in 2021!!! 💫💫🌸💗

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08| 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |

masterlist | long way home masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

3 months ago

When Jungkook got texts from you at 4 am saying "hello" - "i hope ur still awake bcause" - "i called a cab and" - "here's the thing" - "i forgot my address" - "so i told him urs" - "sorry" - "u better be awake" "im tired and i wan cuddles" he knew that he was in for a long night.

It had been a long night already. His two month old baby refused to have a decent sleep this night. By now, Jungkook has figured out Nabi's weaknesses though - she loves hearing him softly sing a lullaby for her. And despite her falling asleep within seconds after he begins to softly hum a tune, she wakes up minutes later, crying and screaming. That cycle went on for hours and hours tonight.

Right now she's fast asleep again, Jungkook already counting the minutes till she will wake up again.

Although it's the middle of the night and Jungkook barely got any rest - he doesn't feel tired. His baby girl wailing in his arms for countless of times this night hasn't allowed drowsiness to swamp his body. His sleeping schedule is messed up anyways.

That's why Jungkook is slouching on his couch in the middle of the night, watching some movie on Netflix that he randomly selected from the action category.

He texts you that he is, indeed, awake and that you're welcome to spent the night at his.

Jungkook is actually glad that you're coming over. He's seen you a lot these past weeks because you try to help him with Nabi as often as possible, but he could never get enough of you being with him. Your presence is making him happier, a fact that would always stay the same.

Jungkook takes a sip from his beer that he just fished out from the fridge. He closes his eyes for a second. Maybe he's not tired but he feels the exhaustion lingering in his limbs.

He loves Nabi - he really does - but on nights like these he gets reminded of how hard it is to have a new born and to come accustomed to drastically changing your whole life and routine to have your baby's needs in the center. Especially if you didn't know that a new born would be thrown into your life without having any preparation for...anything.

It still gives Jungkook big fat headache whenever he thinks about his ex.

,,Sora," he mutters, spitefully - perhaps even in a disgusted manner.

But no, he wouldn't let his mind drift off to that cruel woman. Not tonight, at least.

"Jungkooook," you sing-song with a giggle following right after, softly knocking on his door.

Your voice instantly causes a smile to fall on Jungkook's mouth. Leaving his beer on the table he gets up and opens the door for you.

"Hiii, Kookie," you beam, almost collapsing into him with how much power you let yourself fall against his body. Your arms are around his back and your cheek is pressed against his chest. He wasn't even properly able to see your face before you snuggled against him.

Jungkook closes the door behind you before he rests his palms on the curve of your hip.

"Hey," he greets back, looking down at your face squished against his body. "You're not falling asleep right?"

"Noo, just, " - you rub your cheek against his muscular front, taking a deep breath through your nose - "missed you," you finish.

"We had a movie night yesterday, baby," Jungkook reminds you. His hands wander up your cold and bare arms. "Didn't you wear a jacket? Y/n, it's freezing outside." He scowls, rubbing your arms to warm you up.

"I..." you raise your head, staring at his chest with furrowed brows and deep in thoughts. "I had one on," you say. "Must have forgotten it somewhere."

Jungkook is already enough concerned about you catching a cold every time you wear these flimsy low-cut dresses to a nights out. Like, he can look right into your cleavage and god, your tits look amazing and he'd like to squeeze his head in between them for the rest of his life, but the temperature outside are fucking low and now you tell him that you forgot your jacket somewhere? Maybe you should catch a cold to learn your lesson. When he thinks about it, it actually sounds nice because then you could stay at his place and he could take care of you.

Jungkook blinks a few times. You're barely a minute here and already got him confused in the head - from being concerned to thinking about his face between your gorgeous tits to taking care of you when you're sick.

He sighs, shaking off all his thoughts. "Let's get you warmed up again."

Jungkook guides you to his bedroom by your hips. He sits you down on the edge of his bed, opening his closet to get a pullover from his and some sweatpants that you've left here a while ago.

Returning to you, he sets the clothes next to you on the bed. Jungkook kneels down, fiddling with the strap of your black heels before getting them off for you. He remembers you saying that these are the most comfortable high heels you've ever worn. He doesn't quite remember why he remembers such trivial things. With the knowledge he has about your heels he doesn't need to ask if you're feet are fine or if they hurt but he decides to ask anyway, just because he wants to make sure.

"Do your feet-" He gets cut off, well, not really cut off more like distracted by the fleeting view of the underside of your boobs before they vanish beneath the pullover that you pulled over your head. You had pulled your dress down to your tummy, fixing the pullover that now covered your upper half.

"Hm?" you ask, looking at him with those big gullible eyes because he didn't finish his sentence.

Jungkook gulps, mumbling a "nothing" under his breath.

You lift your hips, getting the dress off completely.

Jungkook doesn't mean to stare, he really doesn't, but - oh, are those new? He doesn't remember ever seeing you in some baby blue lace panties. They're cute though, look fancy and just absolutely radiate push them to the side and fuck you in nothing but these pretty panties on energy.

And then shove his face between your boobs and his night would be saved.

His thoughts are moving around dangerous territory right now and, what a surprise, he feels something moving and aching between his legs as well. He blames his 2 month long dry spell for this.

Nevertheless, Jungkook pushes those thoughts away and helps you get into the sweatpants.

"Where's my little baby?" you inquire, hands around Jungkook's biceps to help yourself up from the bed.

"Sleeping. And if you wake her up I'll never forgive you."

"Hmm, though night?" Your arms naturally loop around his neck.

Jungkook nods, your presence giving him much needed comfort. He draws you closer by pulling you by your waist.

"Let's sleep?" you suggest. "Want cuddles," you pout.

"I can tuck you into bed. I'm not tired yet."

"Watchu doing?"

"Just gonna finish watching that movie."

"Okay, I'll come with you."

~

Jungkook doesn't even care about the movie.

He cares more about paying attention to how perfectly you're body fits into his. You're cuddling him from the side, leg thrown over his lap, arm across his front.

He has a lazy arm thrown over your shoulder, thumb grazing over your clothed body.

"Jungkook?" you say, handing him the glass of water that he gave you to sober up a little. He leans forward to place it on the table.

"Mhm?"

"I just had a thought."

"Congratulations."

You ignore him his teasing. "What if parallel universes were a thing?"

"Would be pretty dope, I guess."

"With like the same people and stuff," you continue.

Jungkook hums, acknowledging that you've said something but not commenting on it.

You gasp a little. "What if there's a parallel universe where we're not friends but enemies?" Your eyes widen in shock.

Jungkook smiles at your cuteness. "That'd suck." His hand slips underneath your pullover, thumb rubbing over your warm skin on your hip bone.

"Or one in which we don't even know each other." There's a scowl on your face like that thought alone makes you sick.

"Then I'll take the enemies one. Can't live my life without you." It's sounds corny but it's the truth.

"You know what I also thought about?" you ask almost hesitantly, fingers brushing over his chest.

"Hm?" His hand on your hip pulls you closer to him.

"A parallel universe in which we both would be dating."

"You think that'd be a good idea?" he asks.

"Well, better than not knowing each other." You frown. "What do you think?"

"Not a good idea."

Your frown deepens, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "Why?"

"There are too many reasons not to be with you."

You raise your head to look into his eyes. He can't decipher what's going though your mind right now. But you look a little startled, maybe he'd go that far to call it hurt. But that's...why would you feel hurt? Was he too harsh? It's not like - no, it's definitely not like you're hurt because you have feelings for him...right? That couldn't be.

But that look in your eyes stays for a little longer and Jungkook doesn't know what's the truth anymore.

When he thinks about it - why would you think about him and you being together? You're drunk, he tells himself. You don't know what you're saying. He shouldn't put a deep meaning into you drunkenly fantasising about things.

Aren't drunk words sober thoughts, tho?

But then, thankfully, his suspicion gets proved wrong when you look away with a roll of your eyes. "You're rude."

Jungkook heaves a little sigh of relief. "I'm just stating facts. We're better off as friends."

"That's true," you agree. "But you're still rude. And your facts are stupid."

"You're stupid."

"I hate you."

"I love you."

"Shut up."

"You started."

The banter continues till Jungkook feels your palm colliding with the back of his head.

~

"Hey...why are you still awake?" Jungkook wonders as he looks down at you.

After the movie Jungkook brought you to his bed. You're head rests atop his chest and for the past minutes you've been staring into the darkness, your head full of thoughts.

You shortly avert your eyes at him before continuing to stare up at the ceiling.

"You know, if you want to fall asleep you'd have to close your eyes," he tells you, fingers brushing trough your hair.

You don't have the energy to answer him. You just grumble something incoherently.

"Baby, what's the matter?" he inquires, his question only a whisper and you hate how much he cares.

Because you thought maybe, maybe after all this time he'd feel the same. Just a little bit.

He gave you an answer tonight. You didn't even notice where you were steering the conversation at. But then you had that thought in mind and you just went for it because...well, there was still hope in you left.

Now you know. And you realise you were foolish to have hope left.

When you're about to answer with a stupid excuse as to why you're not able to sleep, Nabi's cries resound through the apartment.

Without another word Jungkook pushes your thigh off his body and climbs out of the bed to get to Nabi.

As soon as you're left alone there are tears stinging your eyes.

You shut your eyes close, burying your face into the pillow and desperately try to fall asleep. To not feel the pain anymore.

When you wake up tomorrow every thing will be fine. You'll forget what he said to you.

But it's hard going to sleep when there's this annoying thought looping in your mind. It's unstoppable and insufferable.

When Jungkook comes back you pretend to be asleep. He doesn't notice. He simply gives you a peck on the forehead and pulls you into his arms. You hate how you're heart feels like when he does all of that.

So you lie there awake for the whole night, with you're heart aching and your hope only existing as broken pieces, and Jungkook's remark embedded in your head.

There are too many reasons not to be with you.

[fruitcoops]

hi eve! in the new chapter of vaincre logan mentioned something about finn when he had his concussions. could we maybe get some hurt/comfort along those lines? i love all your fics so even if it’s not exactly this i know you’ll do it well!

Breakaway is going to break me like a twig. I can't wait. Here's some Harvard FinnLo while we wait, though, because apparently this has become a cubs blog. Character credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for concussion symptoms

“Harzy?”

Finn flinched, then winced again at the stab of pain that shot all the way to his neck at the sharp movement.

There was a pause. Soft, socked footsteps padded across the carpet. “I brought some soup,” Logan said, quieter than before.

“Not hungry.” His tongue felt heavy.

“You need to eat.” The gentle clink of a spoon against the bowl may as well have been church bells; Finn felt a tug at the covers and sighed when they slipped back over his shoulder. “What level?”

“I dunno.” He wrinkled his nose at the familiar smell of canned soup. “I’m serious, man, if I eat I’m gonna throw up again.”

Logan was quiet for so long, Finn began to wonder whether he had left. Then he kicked himself for even considering it. Logan wouldn’t leave him like that. Not when he was down and sick. He never had before.

Sure enough, a cool hand pressed over Finn’s forehead. The relief was instant, though whether it was from contact or just the presence of another person, he didn’t know. He didn’t care. He was lonely, and bored, and couldn’t wait until his 24 hours of relative isolation were up at last. Logan’s thumb rubbed gently over his temple. “If you eat, your headache will get better.”

Finn chewed the inside of his lip. A consistent, pounding pain continued behind his left eye. “Help me up.”

“Atta boy.” The words sounded bizarre in Logan’s accent and he huffed a laugh as Logan eased his shoulders up and tucked a pillow behind his lower back in a familiar routine—they had done it once already, during the last time Finn got stupid during a game and went ass over teakettle into the boards. Logan made a soft noise as Finn curled into his side shamelessly, but brought the bowl over a second later. “Sorry, almost—almost dropped it. Can you hold the spoon?”

“Yeah,” Finn mumbled. He couldn’t get his eyes to focus. Logan’s solid presence was his only consistent anchor. “Bowl?”

“Here.” Warm pressure settled on his thigh and he squinted, locating the spoon by touch alone.

“Glasses?”

“Nightstand. You’re not supposed to read, though, remember?”

Finn allowed himself a moment to sulk as he sipped the broth. Chicken. His favorite. “Wasn’t gonna read.”

“Yes, you were.”

“Fuck you.”

“I love you, too,” Logan huffed. Finn’s heart skipped a beat and he swallowed down the feelings that began banging at the walls of their lockbox in his heart. I love you. They said it to each other all the time, but it never held much weight.

Not to Logan, at least. Finn was sure of it. It didn’t matter that those three words were like the sky and he was Atlas whenever they slipped out, embellished by a sweet accent.

He half-laughed into the next spoonful of soup. If Logan could read his thoughts, he would chirp Finn to hell and back for being the most dramatic English major of all time. “What’s so funny?” Logan asked, quiet once more.

“Nothing.” A minute of comfortable silence passed as Finn searched for the good noodle bits. “I’m bored.”

“I’m still not going to let you read.”

“You’re the worst best friend in the whole world.”

“I know.” He could hear Logan’s smile. “Finish your soup and I’ll grab the Tylenol. You’re due.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, man,” Finn said, and he meant every word.

Logan fell silent; his hand moved in steady lines over Finn’s shoulder where he was propping him up. “Yeah,” he finally said. “You’d be fucked.”

Finn smiled so wide his headache throbbed, and he didn’t care one bit. That fluttery feeling had returned to his heart, the one that made him want to kick his feet and scream into a pillow like every cheesy 2000s chick-flick. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of their room over the next half minute, making it much easier to pick through his soup—first the noodles, then the chicken, then the broth. Things got soggy otherwise. Logan had never chirped him for his patterns.

“Lo?”

“Finn.”

He sighed. The bowl was ringed by a series of Pooh-bear designs. “Am I an idiot?”

“No.” There was no hesitation in his voice, but no judgement, either. “You’re the smartest person I know.”

“That’s not true,” Finn murmured as he set his empty bowl aside.

“It is.” It sounded like a promise; Logan never backed down from his promises. Something in Finn’s ribcage gave a traitorous heave.

“This is the second time,” he said instead of addressing the bubbling affection that became more aggressive when Logan’s hand resumed its soothing movements on his arm. “The second concussion in two years. I’m a fucking idiot.”

Logan caught his hands when he went to cover his face. “Stop.”

“The NHL isn’t gonna put up with this shit.” The throbbing, which had dulled during their conversation, was beginning to build behind his eye again. “I can’t keep being stupid in games. I’m running out of time.”

“Stop.” Finn didn’t even realize Logan was still holding his hand (that was a lie, every cell of his body was attuned to Logan every second they were together) until he felt a light squeeze. “You’re 20, Finn. You have a year and a half left and you already play better than anyone else out there. I won’t tell you to be reckless, but it’s just a concussion. We’ll get through it.”

His vision blurred. “We?”

“You think I’m letting you go through this without me?” Logan’s tone was gently teasing, but his hold on Finn was solid. Solid as a mountain, like the rest of him. “Bullshit. You’re my best friend.”

A tear slid down Finn’s cheek and made his dry lips salty. He didn’t dare sniffle in case Logan heard, but it seemed to be a futile effort—with a slow exhale, Logan pulled him closer and let Finn rest his head on his shoulder. “I feel like such a fuckup,” Finn rasped after a few minutes of trying to get ahold of himself. “Jesus, Lo, I knew it was a bad move while I was doing it.”

Logan shrugged. His shirt was heavenly soft under Finn’s cheek. “So don’t do it again.”

“But what if—”

“Don’t. Do it. Again.” Logan flicked him on the arm. “And let your brain rest, it has enough to do with your nerd shit all the time without worrying. Give it a vacation.”

That drew a wet laugh from Finn and he scrubbed a hand down his face, making no move to pull away from the hug. “Lo?”

“Finn.”

“You’re the best best friend.”

Logan knocked their temples together with barely a whisper of a touch. His curls, unhindered by a hat for once, were soft on Finn’s forehead. “You’re a better best friend. I’ll go get your Tylenol, ouais?”

He pulled away and Finn silently mourned the loss until Logan bent and began to tuck him in, only half-joking if the careful maneuvering of Finn’s blankets was anything to go by. “Jettem, dear nurse!” Finn called as Logan disappeared into their bathroom.

“Je t’aime!” Logan corrected. “And fuck you!”

Finn grinned and shuffled the sheets over his shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered, just for himself to hear.

[cjsinkythoughts]

Right From Left

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3085

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo being a punk, Bucky getting a little scary, some feelings, Sam being his fantastic, amazing, caring for everyone self

A/N: Here it is! At long last! I’ve been waiting for this episode and it was…holy fuck. I barely have words. And I can’t start or else I’ll be ranting for pages. Anyways, I know this Part is a little on the shorter side - not by much, but it still is - and it doesn’t even cover half the episode, but I’ve had a long day and I’m tired, so I’m going to sleep. I wanted to stop before Walker entered the picture too, because then I’m just gonna get more riled up and I’m working later. I’ll probably have another part out today, and then I’ll finish it tomorrow. Unless I can finish it today. I’ll try, but no promises.

Feel free to rant to me about the episode or the show, too, guys! My friends and I have been going back and forth about it for the past few hours. I’d love to hear your thoughts! I think that’s all for now.

As always, this isn’t beta’d so please excuse any mistakes! Thank you for reading, be kind to yourself and others, enjoy this part and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS BELOW CUT!

You were avoiding him.

When you first got to Latvia, he had pulled you aside, eyes wide and pleading. “Doll, listen-”

“I really don’t think right now is the time to have the discussion we’re about to have.” Shaking your head, you avoided his gaze, your stomach twisting into knots. It was too much for you to handle; you couldn’t focus on the mission at hand and try to unravel the emotions that were making your gut flip like a gymnast. There were too many thoughts in your head, and you needed a clear mind.

“But-”

“Once this is all done, and our lives aren’t in danger. Once we’re back home, then we can talk, okay? Just…please. Not here. Not now.”

And he dropped it. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk about it. You just couldn’t. You had always been a ‘leave your baggage at the door’ type of person. Don’t mix work with personal. Not like you had much “personal” anyways when you first decided that was how it should be. And then your coworkers became family and your motto got a lot harder to follow. But you still followed it. And you would continue to follow it.

But that made you start avoiding him. Whether you meant to or not, everyone noticed, but no one said anything. Sam shot you a look when you didn’t offer to go with Bucky when he had to check something out. Zemo raised an eyebrow when he came back and, instead of immediately questioning him, you sat still on the couch, eyes glancing up briefly, before going back to playing with the strings of your hoodie.

You were paying attention to their conversation, especially when Karli Morgenthau was brought up, you just didn’t join in. Not even when Zemo mentioned the Avengers, eyeing you to see your reaction.

Honestly, you were tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Your shoulder hurt, your brain couldn’t process what the guys were talking about, and your heart couldn’t take any more hits.

It was something you’d been thinking about…you just thought it’d come after this mission.

“She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her…or she kills you.”

“Maybe you’re wrong Zemo. The Serum never corrupted Steve.”

For the first time since he first walked in, your eyes met Bucky’s. “Touche.” Zemo pointed at Bucky with a pastry around his finger. “But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?”

But you couldn’t wait until after this mission. Not when he was so connected to it. “I think I’m gonna go home.” You blurted out before Zemo and Bucky could argue further, Bucky slumping down onto the opposite side of the couch.

The moment the words left your lips, Sam and Bucky shot up, staring at you in disbelief.

“Wait, hold up. What? Now? We’re so close-”

“Why? Is it your arm? Is it hurting? You should’ve told us-”

“I’m just tired.” You cut in, shaking your head. “That’s all. I didn’t expect this to be drawn out this long when you called, Sammy.”

Bucky’s hand twitched as he hesitatingly scooted closer to you. “Doll, if this is because what happened on the jet-”

“It’s not, Buck.” You tried to give him a convincing smile, but you knew by the look in his eyes that he didn’t buy it for one second. You reached over to squeeze his hand, and when you pulled back, he held on tighter, a sigh escaping his lips as he stared down at your linked hands.

“Okay…if you wanna go home, we can get you home. Just…” His head turned back to you, a pleading pout on his features. “Just…stay. Another day. Please. You can keep avoiding me, I won’t even say another word to you if you don’t want. But stay. Just for one more day.”

Chewing on your cheek, you finally nodded slightly. “Okay. One more day.”

His eyes lit up, before his face fell again when you took your hand back and curled into the corner of the couch. “Let’s talk shop, boys.”

“Okay. So, from my understanding, Donya is like a pillar of the community, right?” Sam easily changed the topic back to the situation at hand, giving you a reassuring wink when you smiled at him gratefully. “So when I was a kid, my Tee Tee passed away.”

Bucky screwed his face up in confusion, straightening his head from where he had it leaned back. “Your - your Tee Tee?”

Sam gave him a look. “Yeah. My-my Tee Tee, yeah.”

Bucky looked at him weirdly. “Who is your Tee Tee?”

The exchange made you giggle a little bit, shaking your head. “Bucky’s a city boy from the 40’s, remember, Sammy?”

“Fine.” Sam rolled his eyes. “When I was a kid my aunt passed away.”

Bucky gave a slight huff, making you chuckle again. You stopped when he smiled over at you, but your grin didn’t leave your face. Even when they were the ones to give you a headache, your fellas were damn entertaining, that’s for sure.

With a sort-of plan in place - the gathering for Donya being no more than a theory, but the only idea you really had - you stretched out from your spot on the couch, twisting to crack your back. “Zemo.” The man stopped his rummaging through the cabinets and looked over his shoulder at you, an eyebrow raised. “Go put some clothes on. We’ve got work to do.”

He gave you an unimpressed look, opening his mouth, but Sam beat him to the punch. “Do as the lady says, man. You’re already walking on a tightrope after you shot Nagel!” Zemo waved dismissively at Sam’s exclamation, heading into a separate room to change out of his robe. “That guy is gonna drive me up the wall.”

“Don’t let him get to that pretty head of yours, Sammy.” You hummed, standing up, wincing slightly as you stretched your sore shoulder over your head.

You could tell Bucky wanted to say something, the way he snapped forwards, hands moving down his thigh like he was leaning over to reach for you, his eyes locked on your injured joint, but, just as he said earlier, he didn’t say a word. But the part that made you upset was…you didn’t stop him. You didn’t tell him it was okay for him to talk to you. You didn’t reassure him that you weren’t purposely trying to avoid him. You simply moved over to the kitchen to get something to drink.

It hurt worse than your shoulder, but you couldn’t handle it. Not then. Not with such an important part of the mission coming up. So you didn’t say anything. You just sipped your water, switching into tactic mode as your mind ran through the scenarios of what could possibly go down in the next 24 hours before you went home.

*************************

Walking under the arch, you couldn’t help but feel saddened as Zemo told you about what the courtyard used to look like. Thanos messed the world up so much more than you realized and, as much as you hated to admit it, the Avengers did have a part in it. Not that they - you - were in the wrong, necessarily. You truly believed you did what anyone in that situation, with the skills and abilities and knowledge the team had, would do what you did. Or tried to do.

“I’m gonna take a look around upstairs.” Sam stated, looking up at the upper stories of the building, before glancing at Bucky. “See what you can find out here. And keep an eye on him.”

“I’ll come with you.” You said, turning on your heel to follow Sam. The back of Bucky’s gloved hand brushed against yours, and instinctually you turned your palm to link your fingers and squeezing. You let go quickly once you realized what you were doing, nearly tripping up the stairs to get to Sam, not daring to wait for Bucky’s reaction.

“You’re an idiot.” He stated simply as soon as you met him at the top of the stairs.

“Can we focus on finding Donya right now, please?” You grumbled, moving forwards cautiously, peeking around the corner. You frowned when you saw two guys at the end of the hallway, looking back at you and Sam warily.

“You need to hear what he has to say, cher.”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “I know I do. I know. But I can’t. Not right now. I’m just trying to get this over with first. I don’t want too many things on my plate. I might choke.” It already felt like you were drowning most nights.

He paused at your words, giving you a once over, before nodding. “Okay. I can respect that.”

“Thank you.” You told him earnestly. “Now let’s try to get something from these people.”

He nodded in agreement and you two continued forwards with your search. Room after room, people walked out before you could get anything from them, locking doors behind them. The Flag Smashers logo was everywhere, but you expected nothing less from a refugee camp that practically worshipped what they were doing.

Even when you did get a guy to talk to you, he immediately shut you down, leaving you and Sam dejected. The fact that the world had gotten so bad that these people couldn’t trust you and Sam - Avengers; people who used to be heroes and bring hope to others - it made your heart sink.

“C’mon, Y/N.”

“Are we wrong?”

He froze at your question, his lips pressing together. “About what, exactly?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…I guess I can’t tell right from left anymore. I always assumed that the Avengers were the good guys. That the actions we’ve taken in the past were us making the world a better place, but…Sokovia and Ultron. Germany and the whole civil war thing we had going on. The entire world and Thanos. We don’t truly ever win. Do we?”

“I can’t answer that for you.” Sam shook his head. “I can’t tell you what to believe or who to believe in. But I can tell you that we’ve made a difference. Steve, Nat, Tony…they made a difference.”

“But was it a good difference? Was it a change? There’s a difference between changing the world and just making it different, Sam.”

He blinked at you, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. And I don’t have that answer for you either. But they tried. They did what they thought was right. No matter if it was or not. And isn’t that all we can do? Try?”

His words made you think back to the conversation you had with Bucky once he learned about John Walker, which seemed so long ago. When you told him it wasn’t Sam’s fault. That he was just trying. That he did what he thought was right. 

And maybe he was wrong. But he made a decision. It was his decision. To do the right thing. And right then, not for the first time, you could see exactly what Steve saw in the man in front of you.

“You’re a good man, Sam.”

Sam grinned, slinging an arm around your shoulders and squeezing. “And you’re an incredible person, Y/N. Let’s go see if Bucky and the Baron got anything.”

You snickered at his mocking tone towards Zemo and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

*****************************

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like it one bit. So far, Zemo kept proving you wrong. Even when it seemed like he was about to jump ship, he came back. No matter how many opportunities he had to escape, he never did. And it was making you even more suspicious.

You stayed out of Bucky and Sam’s conversation, although you had to agree with Sam’s point, especially with the conversation you just had.

Your thoughts were running a thousand miles a minute, only to be interrupted by Zemo information about the funeral this afternoon. Guess a snake will always be a snake.

“And you, uh, didn’t think this was important information?” You questioned, eyes narrowed and brow pinched.

He shrugged. “You have it now, don’t you, princess?”

Bucky growled at the nickname, leaning back on the couch, threatening Zemo with the Dora Milaje.

You can’t remember a time you’ve ever been scared of Bucky. Maybe a little threatened and intimidated by the Winter Soldier, but never scared of Bucky. And when he stood up after Zemo mentioned leverage, you didn’t expect anything from it; maybe another choke hold or something. So the glass hitting the wall, the clench in his jaw as he spoke gruffly to the Baron, for a mere second, he kind of frightened you. Maybe it was all the emotions you’d been through the past few weeks or maybe it was the adrenaline that seemed to be pulsing through your veins 24/7 nowadays. Whatever it was, it made you flinch, bolting up as Sam did.

You left the room quickly, hearing Sam say something about making a call, hoping to calm your racing heart.

“Doll?” You sat up from the bed you were laying on, legs hanging off the edge. Bucky stood in the doorway, nervously shifting his feet. “I know I said I’d leave you alone, but…”

You gave the bed a pat next to you and he gladly accepted the invitation, padding over to sit besides you. “I don’t want you to leave me alone, Buck. You’re my best friend. I-I just need to take it one thing at a time right now.”

He nodded. “I get it. I wasn’t…I wasn’t coming in to talk to you about that. You said we’ll talk about it later, so we’ll talk about it later.”

“I appreciate that, Bucky.” You smiled at him, before frowning. “What did you wanna talk about then? Are you okay?”

“Did I…did I scare you?”

You blinked at his question, tilting your head. “What?”

Jerking his head to the doorway he explained, “just then. With Zemo. Your heart spiked.”

“No.” You answered immediately. You would never ever admit that he kind of did scare you. It was just for a second and you knew how his brain worked; he’d beat himself up over it, go over his actions for hours instead of getting the rest he so desperately needs and deserves. He didn’t need that on his conscience right now. “I wasn’t - I just…you startled me. I wasn’t expecting that reaction-”

“I didn’t like the way he talked to you.” He spat out, glaring at his hands in his lap. “And then the smug bastard thought he was gonna get away with holding back information like that and I just…I dunno.”

His hand came off his thigh, but he hesitated. Before he could put it down again, you slipped your hand under his, linking your fingers, running your thumb in circles against his palm. “Don’t let him get to you, Buck. Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

A sigh left his lips and he nodded. “I know, I know. It’s just…hard. After everything he put me through - put us through - I…I just hate that he’s really our only option.”

You frowned, shifting on the bed to face him, one leg bending beneath you while the other still hung over. “Why are you so obsessed with catching these guys?”

“I wanna do something right.” He murmured, playing with your fingers. “I’ve done so much wrong…I just wanna do something right. And I feel...responsible for it, I guess. In a way. It’s Super Soldier Serum. I thought I was the only one after Steve…” He froze at the blonde’s mention, giving you a side-eyed glance. You nudged him, silently telling him to continue, that it was okay to talk about him. “And Sam’s right, you know. She’s just a kid. So…I dunno. I wanna help. I wanna do something right. And catching them would help. It’s right. Right?”

You nodded firmly. “I understand where they’re coming from. Karli’s just trying to help the world. But she’s doing it wrong. And that I know for absolute certainty. Which is good, I guess. I was talking to Sam early and I mentioned not knowing my right from my left recently. It’s good I know something, huh? And for you it should be easy telling your right from your left.” You joked, tracing the gold lines on his metal arm. “I guess you’re just gonna have to stay besides me to help me remember.”

Looking up, you found Bucky staring at you with something you recognized in his eyes, but didn’t want to name. “Three hours, forty two minutes and thirty one seconds.”

“What?”

“That’s how long I didn’t talk to you. It was too long.”

You sighed, ducking your head. “Bucky, I’m sorry-”

“I’m sorry. For anything and everything I’ve ever done wrong. I won’t mention the plane or anything we’ve talked about until you bring it up first. I promise. Just…just don’t ignore me anymore? I'm not sure I can handle it for much longer.”

You nodded, watching your fingertips dance along his scruffy jaw. “I won’t.” He caught your wrist, opening his mouth, before shaking his head and closing it. “What?”

He shook his head again. “Not until you bring it up.”

“We will talk, James. I promise.”

“You don’t have to explain. I get it. I really do. It’s okay. As long as we’re okay for right now, I can hold it in a bit longer.”

You nearly asked him what he was holding in, but you quickly shoved the question out of your mind, knowing it would take you down a conversation you couldn’t possibly have right then. “How long do you think we have?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Zemo just said that it’s this afternoon. Why?”

“I started reading The Great Gatsby on the plane. I’ve got it on my phone. It kinda reminds me of you. Do you-do you think we have time to read some? Only if you want, I mean. Like we used to do in Wakanda?”

He grinned and nodded, scooting up on the bed and flopping down into the pillows. You smiled back, following his lead. Once you were comfortable, your phone out with the chapter you were on, Bucky scooted closer, laying his head on your stomach, hugging your waist. 

“Is this okay?”

Your fingers found home in his hair and you nodded when he looked up at you for an answer. “Yeah. It’s perfect, Buckaroo.”

[receding-tides]

24. tender - faye :)

“Keep your eye closed. This’ll sting if it gets in there.”

Faye did as she said with little more than a mumble of acknowledgement, closing both eyes simply because it was less effort than just the one.

Marie wanted to test a theory, that maybe Faye’s headaches were caused, at least partially, by the scar surrounding her right eye. While Faye was not convinced – she knew things Marie didn’t – she was at least willing to try the lotion Marie had spent hours researching online. She’d been to all that effort chasing down a theory with a small chance of alleviating her girlfriend’s pain, so Faye didn’t have the heart to refuse. Perhaps, by some miracle, her theory would be right. That sure would be a relief.

Sure, Faye was perfectly capable of applying it herself. Marie had offered, though, and she would be a lot more thorough, be able to see better, and generally knew what she was doing a lot more than Faye did. Faye couldn’t even feel that side of her face much; the only times she could even tell Marie was making contact with her were towards the edges of the scar, and just faintly on that side of the mask around her eyes. If Marie hadn’t announced when she was done, Faye probably wouldn’t even have realised.

“Any difference?” Marie asked when she returned from washing her hands, taking a seat next to her on the couch, on Faye’s left side.

“Well, I feel the same after one whole minute, so it’s not a miracle cure,” Faye said with good-natured sarcasm. The dull ache pulsing in her brain hadn’t changed at all, and if anything the smell of lotion might be making it worse, but she didn’t want to tell Marie that. “I guess we’ll see.”

“Yeah.” Marie gave a half-hearted smile. She lifted her hands from her lap, gently cupping Faye’s non-scarred cheek with one – an action Faye instinctively leaned into – and using the other to brush one of the long tentacles of hair over her shoulder, so it wouldn’t remove any of the ointment. “I wish you would tell me how you got it. Then I might be able to find something more suited to help.”

Faye glanced away at the mostly-barren coffee table. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I said before. Confidential Squidbeak stuff.”

“Too confidential even for Agent 2, huh?” Marie sighed. Faye could see her trying to think of ways to pry the information from her grandfather, but none of them would work when she already had her own ‘confidential’ info being held from him, as to how and why the NSS had ended up with an Agent 4 in the Cap’n’s absence.

“I don’t think knowing would help, anyhow,” Faye said quietly, placing a hand over the one still resting against her face. It was both in reassurance, and not wanting Marie to move away just yet; not now the events of the metro were back in her memory. “And, I… don’t like thinking about it.”

“Okay. Alright. I won’t make you.” Marie respected her girlfriend’s feelings more than the captain’s rules, evidently. She brushed her thumb along the outline of Faye’s mask, tenderness in her touch. “If there’s anything you think might help, though, just tell me. I’ll try my best.”

Faye gave a quiet murmur of acknowledgement, closing her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them again, she gave Marie her most innocent look. “I know something.”

“Hmm?”

“Kiss.”

Marie gave a small snort of laughter, and a smile returned to her face at last. “Of course. Can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” She tilted her head a little to avoid making contact with the recently-administered medicine, and leaned in to give her girlfriend a kiss.

Faye gained a soft smile of her own. Perhaps that did make her feel a little better, after all.