#maybe one day I'll write some more of it.

[pupyuj]

→ “favorite pastime.” || ahn yujin x jang wonyoung fic.

— despite being in the same group, it was hard for yujin and wonyoung to find time to be normal girlfriends in the middle of a world tour, so when they are finally granted a break, they decide to make the most of it...

word count: 4.7k.

dynamic: dom!vers!ahn yujin x sub!vers!jang wonyoung.

warnings: established relationship, fingering, clit play, scissoring, body worship, ya'll why is there like no other tags here hello, this fic is EMPTYYYY, this actually started out with more tags AND IT WAS GONNA BE FREAKYYYY, but it just got soft LMAO.

requested?: nope.

a/n: a little treat before the long trek that is the witch liz fic💕 i made this doc around the time they were still on the swih tour so that's why the setting is the way it is 😭 and i've been kind of writing it in the background while i worked on other, bigger stuff so no, i didn't take this long to create something so short! 😤 personally, this is like my one of the favorite things i've written 🥺 idk why i cooked so hard for annyeongz out of all things but ykw i'll take it! enough yapping, I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS 💖💖

1:37 am.

jang wonyoung had no business being up this late when she, as well as her group members, finally had the luxury to sleep to her heart’s content and not worry about being late to rehearsals and soundchecks. today’s show was the last one until a long while, which means the members of ive have the time to explore the current city they’re visiting or relax in their lavish hotel rooms for the next few days before they fly back to south korea and do some real relaxing there. wonyoung already had her next day planned out, as she always does, and thus had nothing much to think about in her mind.

except the fact that she was up at an ungodly hour brushing through her beautiful locks with her favored hairbrush in front of a vanity mirror. her doe eyes glancing at the clock each minute, getting increasingly impatient and disappointed whenever her gaze turns to the empty and cold queen-sized bed behind her. wonyoung had already done all of her post-concert routines and was more than ready to hit the sheets and sleep until nine in the morning, maybe even ten! but what was the point of resting if she didn’t rest well?

to put it simply, jang wonyoung needs only one important thing to complete her night, and that came in the form of ahn yujin, who was currently not in their shared hotel room.

pouting, wonyoung took a glance at her phone. no recent calls or texts from her dear girlfriend. before leaving the room in a hurry, yujin informed wonyoung that the managers needed to have a talk with her ‘for a bit’, but exactly three hours had passed since! it worried wonyoung, to be frank. why weren’t the other members talked to? was yujin in trouble? were they all in trouble and it was so serious that the managers needed to talk to only the leader about it? wonyoung knew in the back of her head that it was probably just company gibberish that even yujin doesn’t have all the energy to actually talk about, but wonyoung being wonyoung—being yujin’s girlfriend—she still can’t help but be concerned!

now don’t get her wrong! most of the time, wonyoung can sleep without cuddling with or even when she’s not with yujin! it’s just… she thought tonight was going to be special for the two of them. maybe they were going to spend the entire night talking about the show, how fun it was, how great they all did, and how they can’t wait for the next ones. maybe they were going to bundle up in the blankets and cuddle each other to keep warm while watching movies until they fell asleep. maybe they were going to share small and funny anecdotes about their own personal adventures in every city they’ve been in! whatever it may have been, wonyoung would’ve loved it.

she missed yujin, so much. yes, they’re together for literally every second they’re alive because duh, they’re in the same group, but wonyoung misses her in a… girlfriend kind of way. she misses their talks, their jokes, their staring competitions, their hands holding, their lips locking—she misses everything about her relationship. truthfully, wonyoung might just be a little bit dramatic because it’s not like yujin went to war or something but can anyone really blame a girl in love!?

wonyoung sighs, putting down her hairbrush and fixing her bangs with her hands. she felt (and is!!) so pretty but yujin wasn’t even around to ogle at her! she stands up, grabs her phone and pulls up yujin’s contact from her long list. she was about to press the ‘call’ button until the hotel door clicked and swung open, and entered a very smiley ahn yujin in her charming oversized flannel shirt, thick-framed glasses, and her favorite bottoms to wear lately, some… jorts.

yup, this is the girl jang wonyoung is down terrible for. a loser.

“honey, i’m home—oof!” yujin nearly gets knocked back out of the door after wonyoung tackled her for a hug. in a fit of laughter, yujin embraces her girlfriend tightly, giving her quick kisses on the side of her head in the process. yujin uses her leg to close the door shut behind the two of them before awkwardly shuffling further inside the room while still hugging wonyoung, who just refused to remove her head from the crook of yujin’s neck. the older girl wasn’t about to start complaining though—wonyoung was usually so reserved and, well, classy. only behind doors does wonyoung become this clingy, adorable creature that is always seemingly shooting hearts from her eyes while looking at yujin.

lately, they haven’t been given a lot of privacy so yujin missed her cute, loving girlfriend too! the two of them collapse slowly on the bed, where yujin immediately peppers wonyoung’s face with kisses while the younger girl laughs at the way it all tickles. eventually, yujin’s lips landed on wonyoung’s own and the latter made sure it stays there! taking yujin’s face in her hands and keeping her still, gently locking their lips in a soft, warm kiss that even makes yujin melt so quickly that she kisses back earnestly.

it was pretty easy to get lost in a searing kiss for the two of them. eventually only the smacks of their lips and their hums were heard in the room, with the occasional shuffling of the mattress underneath wonyoung and the sweet sounds that left her mouth. with the younger girl’s top slightly lifted, yujin had no problems putting her hand on wonyoung’s toned stomach and slowly dragging it upward to where wonyoung obviously wanted to touch her the second most.

“hmn.. ah, yujinnie…” how cute. yujin already had her moaning like that. yujin slides both of her hands further up until she was cupping wonyoung’s soft breasts and at the same time, she slots a knee in between the younger girl’s legs and pressed it lightly against her clothed pussy. wonyoung, being so desperate to feel yujin, starts to grind on the older girl’s knee, moaning softly at the added sensation of yujin toying with her nipples underneath her shirt.

wonyoung allows yujin to slip her tongue inside her mouth—an act that was always messy but did wonyoung ever care? of course not, not even when there was drool running down the side of her mouth. the messier the better, and wonyoung hoped that it gets worse from here because they both deserve this.

it wasn’t long before wonyoung was practically humping on her girlfriend’s thigh. her needy moans only intensified the longer yujin took to just rip her clothes off and make her see the stars. the older girl was adamant on keeping their clothes on, only merely pulling up wonyoung’s top to expose her pretty tits but never actually taking it off. and at this point, wonyoung had successfully popped open four of the buttons on yujin’s flannel shirt and was only slightly disappointed to see that yujin had been wearing a tank top and a bra underneath. but that still didn’t stop wonyoung from trying to feel yujin’s skin on her own.

“someone really missed me, huh?” yujin chuckles, watching as wonyoung struggled to open the rest of the buttons on her shirt. wonyoung ignores her teasing, however, and tugs impatiently on yujin’s shirt. and if yujin wasn’t completely smitten and head-over-heels for her girlfriend, she wouldn’t be yujin at all! so, yujin slips out of her shirt, as well as her tank top like wonyoung whined to her about, and smirks at how the younger girl seemed to be at a loss for words. still though, wonyoung finds enough control in herself to carefully and gently run her hands all over yujin’s chiseled features. everybody knows yujin works hard to shape her body to perfection, but wonyoung still finds herself in sheer awe every time she sees the results.

yujin working out was always a sight that wonyoung constantly looked back to and secretly admired. and even though they’re dating, wonyoung is still a bit too bashful to admit that even just the slightest glimpse of yujin’s muscles can make her crumble as her members always teased her about it to the point it would reach yujin’s ears, and then yujin would tease her and it would just be a lovely mess wonyoung would rather avoid. but at least right now they were in their own world, wonyoung has nothing to be ashamed about here. delicately, wonyoung pushed yujin back until the latter was standing up properly and wonyoung herself was sitting up on the bed.

wonyoung, looking up at her girlfriend whose eyes were riddled with curiosity, places her hands on yujin’s hips and pulls her closer and closer until her lips were touching yujin’s abdomen. for the next few minutes, ahn yujin finds herself feeling… shy as she watches her girlfriend leave soft, loving kisses all over the exposed skin on her stomach. why, wonyoung had to appreciate all the effort yujin puts into working out! what better way than this? kissing her firm abs, feeling and making random shapes on the other well-defined muscles on her back… hearing yujin’s soft laughs was a bonus, too.

“hey… i’m supposed to take care of you.” yujin runs her fingers through wonyoung’s hair, taking note of how smooth and soft it was and noticing that the chair in front of the vanity mirror was in slight disarray. now she knows wonyoung had been patiently—well, impatiently—waiting for her to finally join her in the night while looking all pretty for her.

“we can take turns.” wonyoung whispers softly. her kisses continued on rising and soon enough, her lips were on yujin’s chest. it was hard for the older girl to not melt on the spot when wonyoung looks up at her with pleading eyes—sure, there has never been a moment where yujin was able to resist those eyes, but something about this night was making her just a tad bit more vulnerable to them than usual. or perhaps it was just her immense love for wonyoung that made her so freaking soft. reaching behind, yujin unclasps her bra and allows it to fall to the ground, smirking slightly at the way wonyoung blushes at the sight of her bare breasts.

wonyoung leaned back, propping her hands up behind her to get a good look at her girlfriend who was now completely topless. “you’re so pretty, unnie…” she said, and even in the softness of her voice, yujin could hear her desire and it only adds up to the excitement of it all. wonyoung watches with anticipation as yujin takes off her shorts, failing to fight back the urge to bite her lip because good god did her girlfriend look amazing wearing only a pair of dark blue-colored panties, and how could she even pretend to not notice that wet spot on the fabric? wonyoung was delighted to know that she has such an effect, it makes her heart swell with pride… and she could tease yujin about it, see that deep blush on the older girl’s face that always looked so cute on her, but the only thing wonyoung wanted to do right now was feel her.

but wonyoung has been disciplined well enough to know she can’t do that until she has yujin’s permission, and so she watches as the older girl lays down on the bed. it wasn’t until yujin beckoned wonyoung over that the latter finally moved, crawling over on top of yujin quite eagerly.

“you want to take care of me, hm?” yujin tucks a strand of hair behind wonyoung’s ear.

jang wonyoung—the idol that everyone knows to be perfect, reserved, and elegant beyond comprehension. who would have thought that she would have such an astonishingly different side to her behind closed doors? in the outside world, wonyoung would not be caught having an expression that did not scream her genuine compassion and kindness but here she was on top of her group leader, her best friend, the love of her life, looking like she wanted to eat her whole. yujin wasn’t shy to admit that the way wonyoung carried herself right now only made that pool in between her legs get worse, but at least she had the fastest way to relieve herself of that ache right in front of her.

“go on then.”

ahn yujin—ive’s strong-willed leader that can do anything and everything except one: give up control. even right now, when her girlfriend is right on top of her, giving her neck spine-chilling open-mouthed kisses and sucking on her skin enough to leave a trail of quickly-blooming marks from her jawline down to her collarbone, she refuses to relax and actually allow wonyoung to take care of her. she keeps her hand buried on wonyoung’s beautiful locks, tugging slightly every time she feels something that makes her thighs twitch and her core beg for much-needed attention. but that was all okay to wonyoung; there was nothing more she loved than being bossed around and told what to do by her leader.

finally, after what seemed like forever, yujin feels wonyoung’s tongue on her hard nipple before she feels her warm mouth wrap around it, eliciting a beautiful moan that stirs something inside wonyoung. the latter reaches down and slides her hand inside yujin’s panties, palming her wet cunt and pressing her thumb against her clit.

again, yujin moans loudly and struggles to keep her composure. but still, she finds her ways. “g-good girl… oh, fuck… you always know know how to make me… f-feel good, hm?” she knew that the smallest of praises was enough to dumb wonyoung down into her personal pleasure toy that she can play with to do whatever she wants her to do—and her praises were not short of effect, as usual. wonyoung’s whines are muffled with her mouth around yujin’s nipple, her tongue too busy swirling and playing with the hardened bud to push out some words. she feels her own pussy creating a mess in her underwear, but yujin’s voice silences her needs.

“hmmn.. ngh… ahh—” every gasp, every hiss, and every little sound yujin made as wonyoung pinched, pressed on, and toyed with her clit reverberates through the younger girl’s fogged up brain and feeds her all the energy she needs to make her lover feel even better. “god… just fill me up, princess…” and that pet name was the icing on the cake.

impatiently, wonyoung rips off yujin’s panties with haste and throws it off to the side. her mouth finally leaves yujin’s nipple, which allows yujin to easily pull her back up and kiss her, hungrily and possessively. completely different from the sweet kisses they usually shared in secret rooms, behind the privacy of some curtains, in the dark corners of a set, and amidst unsuspecting eyes. and thank god for the kiss, because the room next to them surely would have heard the sound yujin made upon getting stuffed full with two fingers if her mouth hadn’t been busy being on wonyoung’s.

a loud whine from wonyoung manages to escape their locked lips when yujin pulls on her hair harshly, controlling the kiss as she pleases while simultaneously bucking her hips up to meet wonyoung’s thrusts. god knows how much she needed this. months long of touring, rehearsing, endless vocal warmups, and being on-the-go for hours on end… ahn yujin deserved the utmost care right now, and luckily for her wonyoung was more than willing to give her just that.

wonyoung’s pace increases, making yujin throw her head back in pleasure as her hips struggle to keep up. her moans were now loud and free with only wonyoung’s lips silencing her every now and again but even then, the latter was too busy leaving more marks on her leader’s neck. mine, she wants everyone to know even when they shouldn’t. wonyoung bites on yujin’s collarbone, and the older girl’s free hand clutches her shoulder, nearly piercing her skin. mine, she wants everyone who thinks they can win over yujin’s heart to know that she belongs with someone else already. her.

but now that yujin thought about it… wonyoung herself worked hard all tour long too, and what kind of girlfriend would yujin be if she didn’t make her feel good in return?

yujin tugs on the waistband of wonyoung’s shorts, “i wanna.. hah… feel you too, baby… take this off.” of course, wonyoung obeys her almost immediately. it was something about her that yujin always loved: whether she’s talking to her as her group leader or as her girlfriend, wonyoung will always listen to her and do what needs to be done at the drop of a hat. and before yujin could even think to open her eyes and take her mind off of the sensation of wonyoung’s fingers inside her, the younger girl has already taken off her shorts as well as her underwear.

wonyoung stares at yujin for a good minute—taking in every single one of her facial features as if she doesn’t already do just that every night they’re together. she then decided that her lips were feeling a bit too cold, so she paused her actions and leaned down to kiss yujin. the latter didn’t seem to mind prolonging her climax. even going as far as to allow wonyoung to pull her fingers out of the older girl’s cunt just so she can hold her face as they kissed. yujin could feel her cheek getting wet with her own slick but she didn’t exactly care when her heart felt like it was going to explode with the sheer amount of affection she was feeling for her lover.

and for a while, they got lost in each other’s lips and even forgot that they were in the middle of something. yujin holds wonyoung softly, both hands firmly but gently holding the latter’s waist as she takes control of the kiss. with their lips still locked, yujin flips their position and now that she was on top, she can truly show wonyoung how much she missed her. especially during these last few hours that she had to endure listening to her managers talk on and on about the precautions the girls should take before walking around the city and whatnot.

all yujin wanted to do at that time was to melt in her girlfriend’s arms and hold each other until the next afternoon. but unfortunately, a few minutes became a few hours. frankly, yujin felt bad that wonyoung had to stay up so late waiting for her. she should have been sleeping considering that it was quite the long and tiring show that they had that day, but she really waited for her. it was impossible for yujin to express her appreciation with just words… and actions, really, but she’ll for sure try her damn best.

“you can relax now, princess… it’s my turn to take care of you.” yujin says, giving the younger girl a last peck on the lips before leaning back. while she got herself situated, yujin smiles briefly at wonyoung, who blushed as she just sat there watching her girlfriend. it was stupid how she still sometimes felt like she was crushing on this ‘cool, funny unnie’ because for the longest time, that was really the farthest wonyoung got with her feelings.

some people like to tell her that it was actually quite cute how wonyoung still behaves like a high school girl who was in love for the first time and to that she thinks: sure, it could be cute… if it wasn’t so embarrassing at the same time! because come on, she was swooning over her girlfriend looking so handsome on top of her!

upon the realization that she looked quite stupid being flustered over literally nothing, wonyoung covers up her warm face with her hands, opting to only look at the older girl from behind the gaps between her fingers. yujin, unfazed, grins at her cute girlfriend, taking a mental note to tease her all about it tomorrow. it’s what she always does the morning after having sex! wonyoung has gotten used to it by now, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get embarrassed whenever yujin starts to lay out whatever details she remembers from the night before.

“let me see you, wonyoung-ah,” yujin takes her girlfriend’s hands and holds onto them tightly. she laughs seeing wonyoung’s tomato-colored cheeks and ears. “you’re so red! are you okay?” adorable. wonyoung was never not going to be the cutest thing in yujin’s eyes, that’s for sure.

suddenly, those three simple words that she has gotten used to saying all these years have become so difficult to push out of her mouth. not because wonyoung didn’t want to say them, but because even she herself could make fun of just how much she means them. “i love you, yujin-unnie…” wonyoung managed to blurt out. her eyes were everywhere except on yujin’s own, afraid of getting teased to hell by the older girl and wonyoung always knew exactly when the teasing would come. yujin would usually slowly start giggling before she was full-on throwing her head back from laughter, and then she would pinch wonyoung’s cheeks and fawn over how adorable she was.

wonyoung was waiting for it. she was waiting for yujin’s soft laughs, waiting until her face was being peppered with kisses once again, and until the leader completely disregarded the situation the two of them were in and just flatter her until dawn… but strangely enough, none of it ever came. so, wonyoung finally looked yujin in the eyes and found her girlfriend blushing just as wildly as she had been.

well, that was certainly a brand new sight.

“i love you too… so much.” yujin replied rather breathlessly. it might be cheesy as fuck, but she feels her heart growing twice its size the longer she stared at wonyoung, who smiled so adoringly at her that she thought she would melt. it was at this moment that yujin decided she was willing to endure all the exhaustion that came with being on tour for almost an entire year four times over if at the end of everything, she would come home to wonyoung’s warmth. 

she realizes now that that was made the long, long nights of working so worth it to put up with. she was never going to take fleeting moments such as this, where they are able to just be them, for granted ever again.

yujin leans forward, slowly, and holds back a chuckle upon seeing wonyoung close her eyes immediately, knowing full well what was coming. god, yujin could swoon. she technically was! deep inside! but she had to pull herself together—wonyoung had needs too and it was about damn time yujin fulfilled one of her many duties as her loving girlfriend. yujin puts one leg over wonyoung’s and gets real close until she able to catch her lover’s lips with her own, and simultaneously, she rocks her hips forward, giving both herself and wonyoung the absolute pleasure that was the feeling of their clits clashing against one another.

“oh…! gosh—” wonyoung takes a hold of yujin’s arm with one hand and a fistful of the white sheets below with the other hand, clutching both with an iron grip as the older girl continues on. her whines were muffled by yujin’s lips, the very same trick that she had pulled on her earlier when their positions were switched. yujin puts her hand on the back of wonyoung’s thigh, pushing her leg upwards slightly to give herself more room as her thrusts get faster.

wonyoung starts doing her own work as well, using her hips accordingly and still taking such good care of yujin even though it was ‘her turn’ to be coddled. wonyoung just couldn’t help it. every time there was a surge of love coursing through her veins, she just had to pour it all over yujin. and this was only one of her many methods of doing so.

“good… yes…!” yujin cries out. her eyes were shut tight, one hand almost piercing through her lover’s skin and the other practically nearly tearing the sheets off the bed. wonyoung, despite her hazed mind, takes yujin’s free hand in hers and holds it tight. it helps both of them a lot. that, they know.

“god… if only… we had a strap, huh?” yujin says with a big, stupid grin. wonyoung must not reveal to yujin that she had intended to bring one but ended up forgetting due to the million other problems she had to sort out. she would never hear the end of it… and yujin might just end up visiting a sex store in the city the next morning!

the younger girl fought the greatest urge to break into a smile, but ultimately failed. “s-stop joking around… just fuck me… p-please, unnie…!” wonyoung pleaded. and she didn’t have to tell yujin twice. the older girl decided to shut up then, and pins wonyoung’s hand above her hand, thrusting faster than ever with only one objective in mind. 

now they were really going to get complaints from the next couple of rooms. poor gaeul, who had actually been staying in the room directly next to theirs, probably won’t be able to even stand next to them tomorrow! neither of them could suppress their sounds—merely a chorus of whines and each other’s names left their mouths until finally, yujin’s hips come to a stutter as she came. wonyoung followed soon after, with a single tear rolling down her cheek as a mere proof of yujin’s very successful efforts.

the exhausted older girl collapses on wonyoung’s chest, gathering the very little strength left in her body to stay awake. wonyoung held her girlfriend tenderly, fixing the mess that was her hair while simultaneously getting themselves into a more comfortable position on the bed. yujin laid somewhat on top of wonyoung still, but a lot of her weight rested on the soft mattress of the bed as well.

not a lot of words were shared between the two of them as they laid there catching their breath. in fact, wonyoung thought that yujin had fallen asleep until she felt the hem of her shirt being tugged. the leader raises her head and stares at the oddly familiar graphic tee wonyoung was wearing, and then she smirks.

“my love… is this the shirt that has gone missing from my luggage for the past two weeks?” yujin asked, stifling a giggle.

“i-i didn’t think it was a big deal—i mean, you have so many shirts! a-and… i really like this one,” wonyoung, cheeks as red as a blood moon, takes the collar of ‘her’ shirt and sniffs. “it smells a lot like you too. i just… miss you a lot these days.”

yujin takes wonyoung’s hand and plants a kiss on her knuckles, “i don’t mind, baby. and i miss you too.” and every time those exact words are said, wonyoung will never not feel giddy.

the younger girl manages to compose her heart and says, “we’re lucky we get to be normal people for a while then! i have a lot planned for us, and the girls too.” wonyoung exclaims rather excitedly. while yujin had been busy being held up by the managers a few hours before, wonyoung spent all of that time making a list of all the worthwhile things they could do in this foreign city once the sun comes up. she had been wanting a chance to feel like a group of friends with her members as well, and now that she was able to be lovers with yujin for a night, who’s to say she won’t have just as much of a fun time being normal with her members too?

yujin lays there, utterly speechless at how she was actively still falling in love with wonyoung’s smile after all these years. still, she gets a hold of herself and kisses the younger girl’s hand again, “really? tell me all about it! but um… do make room for another night like this, hm?” she joked.

wonyoung pinches the bridge of yujin’s nose, laughing when the latter whines about it. she quickly kisses her forehead as compensation, “don’t worry, unnie. we have lots and lots of time just for the two of us.”

“good,” yujin hums. she places her head on her girlfriend’s chest, listening to her heart. it was the most comforting sound in the world, even more so when she knows that it beats solely for her. “you and me—my favorite pastime.”

[filmbyjy]

HIDDEN LOVE

SYNOPSIS > park sunghoon was the most good looking and respectful man you’ve ever met at the age of 13. ignoring the fact that you had a loud and obnoxious older brother, park jongseong, as his best friend. with things going by in your life and a heartbreak at 17. what happens when you coincidentally reconnected with your past crush on someone 5 years older than you?

SEVEN – nice to others

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

WC: 1.5K words

a/n: she's back after *flips calendar* a week! i do apologise. i wanted to release other writings that i have in my inbox. it just so happens that it was a sunghoon one. anyways, this is a decently lengthy filler chapter so enjoy!!

you were stupid. however, park sunghoon was way more stupid. why did he just randomly told you off for almost having a high school relationship? he isn't your brother. you had groaned into the pillow once more. you should get some sleep. it's a long day ahead as there was school tomorrow.

you didn't know as to when you had woken up but you were dead tired. you needed more sleep. the alarm went off and you had turned it off. once again, back to being stuck in school for a few hours of education.

after showering, leaving the house and taking the bus, you had made it to school. the class was alive with students chattering with their friends. you had seen your best friend, rei, coming into class.

"hey, rei! did you have a good rest over the weekend?" you had asked her but she ignores you and choses to walk past. she settles down right on her seat in front of the desk.

you were disappointed and quite sad but you didn't let that waver you. instead, you had tapped her shoulders and ask her once again. "rei, are you okay? did something happen?" she ignores you. now you were sure she definitely was purposely not listening to you.

just as you were about to ask her again, the teacher walks in and everyone was ordered to stand and greet him. guess you'd have to ask her on the way to lunch. studies were never your thing but after that incident in middle school with sunghoon, you had been listening well and doing better in high school. it was for sunghoon after all.

"we will be having a school's sports day for our class and we need participants for hurdling. which one of you have yet to sign up yet?" the teacher voices out. he looks around the class and hums.

"(name). you have yet to sign up. i'll put you into vaulting. go practice for it after school and during PE." he says. you had sighed under your breath in distaste. you had raised your hand.

"sir, i can't do vaulting. can i just take running?"

"we have too many signing up for it. maybe if you give me a good reason as to why you don't want to jump then tell me."

"m-my legs are too short?" you say as if you were second guessing yourself. the whole class erupts in a laughter and you were embarrassed. you had slumped your shoulders over.

"not a good reason. you have to do this no matter what. our class is routing for you."

you had groaned quietly at the teacher's words. the bell rings and it was finally lunch. you had tried to catch rei but she was leaving with another classmate.

"rei, wait." you had ran up to her. "let's talk and get our usual lunch together."

"i don't want to." she says. it seemed like she was upset. you didn't know what to say. you had watched your best friend walk away. instead of going to the canteen. you had retreated into your class and ate lunch alone.

why was she reacting this way? did you do something wrong?

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚���˚｡⋆

there were loud cheers from around the stadium. Decelis High was holding their sports day at Nosferatu College. the college that both your brother and sunghoon attended. you had prayed and prayed that you wouldn't see them.

you were watching other classes play against each other in the 'tug of war' game. rei seemed so happy cheering for them. they were neck and neck. then one tug sent the other class fly into the losing end. everyone cheers. then you had noticed myung jaehyun (myungjae) was in the winning class. ah, she liked him and you had hurt him by rejecting him. was that why she stopped talking to you?

she notices that you were looking at her and she looks away from you. you had turned away and started to walk somewhere else when myung jaehyun runs after you.

"hey." you smiled a little.

"hi."

"i saw your name on the list. you're going to play vaulting, hmm?"

"yeah. not exactly looking forward to it."

there was an announcer telling the people who chose vaulting to start signing up. it was your turn and you couldn't run away from it.

myungjae sighs, he scratches the back of his head awkwardly. "good luck out there. i umm sorry for taking the rejection so badly."

you had shook your head. "it's not your fault. i probably should've let you down gently instead of being mean." he holds out his hand.

"friends?" you took his hand and shook it.

"friends." the announcer calls out again and myungjae pats your back.

"go out there and win for your class." you gave him a small smile one last time and turned around to walk towards the registration booth.

"okay, next." you heard the person say. here you were face to face with jay. he was shocked. there was a look of mischief flashing across his face.

"oh my god? turn around." he says. you had rolled your eyes. he wanted to see the number you had and confirmed with your name on the list. you had whined.

"fuck off, oppa. you're so annoying." jay laughs. he laughs so hard that he bangs the desk and wakes up the person beside him. it just so happens to be sunghoon.

oh hell nah. why did it have to be park sunghoon...

there was a strange look in sunghoon's eyes. almost like a glimmer of happiness that you were here but you didn't want to assume it was. jay smacks sunghoon's shoulder.

"dude, are you seeing this right? my little sister is doing vaulting." jay laughs once more. you had folded your arms, annoyed by your older brother. sunghoon tries to get your brother to quieten down as he was being quite loud. once jay's laughter dies down a little, he turns his attention to you.

"it's hot out. did you wear some sunscreen?" he asks. you had hummed at his words. he gestures for you to lean forward and steals jay's cap before placing it right on your head.

"be careful, okay?" he sweetly says. jay almost mocks sunghoon once you had nodded and left.

"acting like a big brother to her. how sweet." jay says. sunghoon lightly pushes jay away.

20 minutes later, you were in line to do vaulting. each girl before you had made it over the first line. you were nervous. finally, it was your turn and your classmates had gathered around to cheer for you. you had breathed in and started running. just before you had jumped, you had stopped. everyone around still cheered for you so you could jump over the pole. you had went back to the starting line.

i can do this. it's not that hard. just jumped over and we're done.

you had breathed in and out once more and just run. you had jumped and you genuinely thought you made it over but you fell over and scraped your knee. you hear everyone gasping and two people scrambling over to you.

"get on my back," jay instructs. you don't move. sunghoon's back really good to lay on...you were just saying...

you don't get to say anything as sunghoon helps you up on jay's back. hmm, how were you going to be able to get on sunghoon's back...you had to think.

start an argument with jay as he carries me! 'you're so smart'. thanks brain. 'thank you, (name) :D'

as jay was bringing you over to the station, you had started to squirm in his arms and jay huffs. sunghoon had just followed along making sure you were okay.

"stop moving."

"you're hurting my legs." you groaned. jay rolls his eyes.

"i'm not even touching your legs."

"you are and it hurts!" you whine once more.

"too bad, now just deal with it."

"my fragile hea-" you were midway whining and complaining.

"sunghoon, you carry her." jay tells sunghoon. he passes you over to sunghoon. you had climbed over to sunghoon's back and he easily carries you.

let's go. i'm so smart. now, i get to be on his back :3

he carries you over to the medical station and looks around for the medical staff but they weren't around. he looks around for a disinfectant and a bandage. he lightly blows on the injury after disinfecting it and placing some ointment. he then places a bandage right over it.

"your ankles might be swollen for a bit. stay here. i'll get jay to look around for the nurse. you might have to be in an ankle brace for a little." sunghoon explains. you hummed. he looks up at you.

"are you okay? you look like you're going to cry."

"i'm okay. i think. thank you, sunghoon oppa." he smiles a little.

"don't worry, kid. you'll be fine. just be strong. it's nothing too serious."

just then someone else falls and it catches sunghoon's attention. he ruffles your hair and runs to help out. you had watched the whole scene go down. he allows the girl to put her arms around his neck as he leads her towards the medical station.

he's always so nice to others and not just me...

i wish he'd pay attention to me more

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[tealvenetianmask]

I'm sick, so I'm going to do the very normal thing and wax poetically about the positive neurodiversity representation is in HB. That's because they manage to make it appear neither purely good nor purely bad. It's allowed to just be part of what makes our characters who they are in their beautiful complexity.

Exhibit A: Blitz (there's no exhibit B yet, but maybe there will be!).

He never gets a diagnosis. No one in this show does.

I think ADHD is obvious. I did a post on this a long time ago, but the man barely sits still, and he's always climbing and sitting on things in odd ways. He misses things other characters say when he's caught up in his own ideas. He sometimes falls on his face when distracted despite having literal acrobatic skills. He gets stuck . . . hyperfocusing on things to the point where he ignores other pressing matters. He's an out of the box thinker and has an infectious enthusiasm for life.

You've probably seen me on here arguing that he has dyslexia. ADHD and LD (learning disabilty) are a much more common combination than most people acknowledge, just like ADHD and autism. If this is your take on him, I welcome you to comment too, but to me the LD/dyslexia thing is pretty powerful because I have ADHD and LD too. We all come to these conversations with our lived experiences.

And just like lots of real people with these and other neurodiversities, he also deals with a shit ton of trauma and related disorders as an adult. BPD . . . PTSD . . . you get the gist. The trauma is portrayed as bad, and some of his resulting behaviors certainly are too, but he's still fundamentally a good person who's been through a lot.

I think the part of his story I most understand as a neurodivergent one is the concept of "not being good enough" that he carries around. It originated before the fire, with Cash devaluing him (literally) in favor of Fizz. Blitz has an ever-present itch to prove himself, believes that he is not worthy of love, and that what he can DO for people is all that will make anyone want him around.

I think that most neurodivergent and/or otherwise disabled people get this, either from the always pushing side or the giving up side, or both at different times . . .). I grew up with parents who expected A LOT, and frankly, to this day, I often CAN'T meet their expectations because of how my brain works. I learned that I need to accomplish things. I also learned that I need to accomplish them IN MY WAY, or else I'd just fall short. I spent a lot of time when I was younger thinking that no one was like me (cue angsty music), but it turns out, a lot of people are. We just weren't very open about it in the 90's/2000's. That's why representation is important.

Blitz finds ways to work. He works very hard for his company, because he cares deeply about it and about the people who work for him, and also about PROVING SOCIETY WRONG (yes, there's a pushing back against racism element here too). He chooses to not care too much about spelling or paperwork and leans on employees for some of that- not justifying Moxxie being stuck with it, but, yes, this reads as self-accommodation to me.

And having to work around having more trouble with certain things because your brain works differently? Well, when a person grows up like that, you can get a really inventive, dynamic problem solver. Some people will say that this is inherently part of ADHD, and I don't know, but it's part of Blitz.

Anyway, I'll try to write a more coherent essay on some of these issues as they appear in the show later. Stolas is also an interesting case.

But do discuss! Entertain me on my snotty sick bed. XD

[panlight]

I remember you had a post once about how it was like Smeyer low-key "forgot" she was writing a vampire/werewolf story by the time BD happened and so many things were exaggerated (like the Cullens suddenly being ridiculously rich, Carlisle having so many friends (not just *any* vampires, some of which are from powerful/well-known covens) despite the cullens supposed to be "freaks" in the vampire world for their diet etc.)

It made me think that Smeyer even kinda exaggerated (or really dialed up) the lore she set up with her vampires (even werewolves too kinda). Gifts are supposed to be "rare" yet so many vampires who gathered have special talents to the point "vampire X-men" kinda became a joke within the fandom because it really did start giving off superhero vibes. (i can get behind mind reading and illusions, but Benjamin with his vamp avatar stuff started to lose me and I just,,,didn't care for all these vampires.) And maybe its just me, but i personally felt Smeyer really ramped up how strong the vampires were? Leaping off a wide river with jumps that can cover TWICE the distance gave me Superman vibes like...vampires aren't supposed to be *that* strong. (At this point i half-expect Emmett/newborn Bella to be strong enough to stop a falling building though I'll admit that can be funny for a shitpost/crackfic) You already made your vamps ridiculously op just on the first three books Stephenie, you don't have to add more to them. 😵‍💫

Even with werewolves imprinting is also supposed to be "rare", but since the pack was introduced, every now and then we're told a new pack member has imprinted since Sam (Jared, then Quil, then Paul and then tragically, Jacob). i feel bad for the pack, becus I can imagine them now being afraid to form relationships, explore romantic options like any teenager or date anyone for fear of one day they'll end up imprinting.

The established lore *tells* us that stuff are "rare" but then we're *shown* that there really actually *uncommon*

Exactly. She tells us these things are rare and then suddenly it's not.

You can certainly handwave it, if you want. This is the largest pack ever, and it's been a few generations since the last one, so you could make excuses like, "oh they thought imprinting was rare but they were wrong" if you want. You can also excuse with "there are more vampires around than ever so that changed things." But then it's like, why bother telling us it's rare in the first place?

And with the vampire powers, again, we're introduced to the Cullens with Edward and Alice being "the freaks among the freaks" (Jasper's power is a 'subtle gift' and doesn't count, apparently, until it's retconned as near mind-control in Midnight Sun where it makes James, Laurent and Victoria just like, not notice him or Bella. Okay.) and how gifts are rare and most vampires don't have them and then by them time we get to Breaking Dawn it's like fully half of the vampires have gifts, and Renesmee, who isn't even a full vampire, has TWO gifts (projecting her thoughts via touch AND breaking through shields).

SM sort of explains this by saying gifts are rare in the general human population, but more common among vampires BECAUSE vampires are looking for/drawn to special humans, so the percentage of vampires with gifts compared to other vampires is higher than the percentage of humans with latent gifts compared to all humans. And like, again, okay, but you can still have that and still have gifts be *rare*. 2/5 Denali have one, 5/9 Cullens have one. 1/4 Egyptians, 2/3 Irish, 1/3 Amazon. It starts to look like the ones without gifts are deficient in some way, not that the ones WITH gifts are special.

And that's where I have to be a contrarian and be like, ugh, powers. I'm here for vampires, not superheroes. The Alice, Edward, Aro stuff, even Jasper, that fits into the vampire vibes, the way Classic vampires can sort of read you or hypnotize you or influence you. But Benjamin manipulating earth, wind, fire and water?! Siobhan bending reality to her will? And that whole Mele thing from Life and Death just feels SO contrived. Why on earth would anyone develop a power that allows them to steal other powers but not use it themselves, only give it to someone else? It's so clearly just so Sulpicia can have Aro's power. Why can't Sulpicia be clever and ruthless and rule the vampire world without a gift? And again, where are the consequences? At least Edward's mind-reading has some negatives, he can't turn it off, he can't get any quiet. Alice can't have a normal relationship with anyone because she already knows their future together before they even meet. Aro has so many stolen memories--whole other lifetimes!--in his head he's on this other plane of existence. Maybe Benjamin accidentally creates fire when he's angry or upset which makes him dangerous to the vampires he cares about, maybe Siobhan had trouble telling reality from fiction.

Vampires are supposed to be a trade-off. You get immortality in exchange for bloodthirst, etc. If people like the fairy tale or superhero vampires, that's cool! Enjoy! But that's not what I signed up for, and not what the first three books lead me to believe with all their grim quotes introducing each book ('don't eat from the tree of knowledge,' 'violent delights have violent ends,' 'the world will end in fire or ice').

I want powers to be rare and to have downsides. I want imprinting to be rare and for the characters to wrestle with if trading free will for perfect love is a fair trade.

[notashadowbutawave]

okay i'm supposed to be working but, here are my thoughts on 8x11 Holy Mother of God

firstly

i said i just wanted a good Bobby plot and idk??? Lesley Ann Warren was ON One (complimentary) but I do not think Bobby's mother deserved a kind of unconditional forgiveness for how Bobby's childhood played out. when Bobby called her out in her hotel room I was like YES GET HER and i think what i wanted specifically was maybe for Bobby to reconcile with his brother but recognize that reconciliation with his mother will be incomplete even if they end up back on speaking terms and that would have rung more true to me. this show has a long history of doing very forced parental reconciliations, even if they do kind of walk them back a bit later (SEE BUCK & TOMMY'S CONVO ABOUT BOBBY BEING "THE FATHER [BUCK] NEVER HAD "BUT YOUR FATHER'S ALIVE"), and I'm wondering if both FOX and ABC have provided guidance at the network level that parental reconciliation is required in some way for these scripts even if they don't hang their hats narratively on those relationships. like i should have seen it coming but. whatever. peter and angela are delightful. i'll allow it

okay but----

I don't think ANY of the interviews about this season have misled us in any way. it's simply not that deep. the show does what it says on the tin. Tim Minear is objectively a dumbass and probably not a very good showrunner and I think the writers' room is succeeding at advancing certain plots and character development in spite of him. everything he says is completely incoherent but not deliberately, I don't think, misleading. for the sake of scholarship, read what, say, Rolin Jones says about AMC IWTV or something, and then go back to a Tim interview. these are not people on the same level. also IWTV is good and on cable and films their whole season before they release. the network TV production schedule and State Censorship requirements, combined with MANY recent events (ex. last year's dual WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, the LA fires, gestures the united states of bottomless despair)… i think a lot of things contribute to this season being disjointed in its vision and execution and SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE AND NOT WORTH BEING MAD ABOUT. i honestly don't know how much juice this show has left (please feel free to reach out to me privately if you want to read my essay about the show's inextricable link to the soul of this cursed country, which is also going down like the titanic) but they're giving us bucktommy and it is doing exactly what it says on the tin. the text is the fucking show.

but moving on to the MEAT, the DISCOURSE, the FLESH, THE CONTENT

i don't buy that buck was hazing ravi like he was a shitty little brother. where does that come from. i think the writing was just trying to establish that Buck is still a fucking mess because he's clinging to Ravi like "if I don't talk to someone new about my feelings rn i will literally fucking die" instead of like actually trying to be Ravi's friend.

king shit by Ravi to bring Tommy over to Buck and leave him there. and an incredible fit. that shirt and those gently pleated trousers? i say this with love to Oliver and Lou and Kenny and Peter and Ryan and everyone but Anirudh Pisharody is the best looking man on this show. if i look at him too long i start drooling. sorry Anirudh.

but what i mean to say is that Ravi was right to do what he did. "Please take care of your tipsy ex, I've already worked beyond my shift. please fuck it out of him. i can't take it anymore. i need rest. yes, i know, twist your arm man, but if that's what it takes. he's gonna need that dick to touch his brain stem"

THIS IS WHAT THE NARRATIVE HAS SHOCKINGLY CONSISTENTLY ESTABLISHED… that Tommy saw Buck and Eddie together, saw Buck realize his sexuality, and simply thought his days with Buck were numbered because he would realize he was actually in love with Eddie, because they already had such a deep connection. IRONICALLY, THIS SITUATES BUCK AND TOMMY WITH THE MOST EQUAL FOOTING THEY'VE EVER BEEN ON. THEY BOTH HAVE HAD PARALLEL DUAL FUCK UPS. ALL THAT IS NEEDED IS FOR THEM TO TALK IT OUT.

to wit:

Buck was uncomfortable with his queerness and with being with Tommy, was desperate to make Tommy not leave him and skipped all the steps to get to that point, the deepening of their relationship, the hard conversations. notice how EVERY TIME Tommy brought up something he was feeling during the first six months of their relationship, Buck didn't directly address it, shuffled into jokes or "uh yeah obviously, DUH." See: their conversation about fathers, Tommy talking about wanting a family like the 118 (who all completely ditched him when he dumped Buck, not even checking in with him to hear his side!). Buck tried to speedrun the whole fucking thing. and then asked Tommy to move in with him. Tommy freaked out and broke up with him. and Buck couldn't move on. Couldn't. he knew there was something special there, something that couldn't be replicated. He reacted badly. They both reacted badly.

Tommy consistently had this insecurity… that Buck is actually in love with Eddie, or at least that he wasn't ready to be with Tommy, because Buck wasn't taking those steps towards deepening their emotional intimacy. He intentionally injured Eddie, probably never shut up about Eddie and Chris the whole time they were dating because he has no filter, and then MOVED INTO EDDIE'S HOUSE. I think Buck was shocked by this revelation that Tommy had had this brewing in the back of his head the whole time, because to him, this is just what you do - if there's something you can do to help your best friend, you do it, with no strings attached. Tommy was out of pocket and it cut Buck deeper than he could have been prepared for.

BUCK HAS NEVER HAD A FUNCTIONING CLOSE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. AND WHAT WE ARE SEEING WITH THESE SCENES IS THAT TOMMY PROBABLY HASN'T HAD A FUNCTIONING CLOSE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP OR FRANKLY RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND THAT WASN'T FULLY MEDIATED THROUGH HIS DEEP INSECURITY THAT HE ISN'T ACTUALLY WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS. we have two specific examples of this in the narrative: Abby (with whom he tried, but was closeted, and he's a self-described Kinsey 6), and his own father, with whom he doesn't even talk. and we have the 118, who lost touch with him after he went to Harbor, reconnected with him when he started dating Buck, but he was only ever "Buck's boyfriend" and apparently his inclusion in the group was totally conditional. Tommy has never been the person someone else wanted. He has no idea how to believe that he is the person Buck wants. So he reacted badly. They both reacted badly.

This isn't to say they're "even" but for the purposes of the narrative, they are both poised on the edge of reconciliation and admitting these issues to each other and actually talking about them. Everyone said they were doing a romcom. And you don't do a romcom without a happily ever after, but multiple speed bumps are needed to get to that point. Meet cute to first kiss to first stumble (the aborted first date) to second stumble (the breakup) to third stumble (the smoking hot false restart). it is so endgame shaped it might defy the laws of physics.

(never in my life have i seen a show's writers have to completely dismiss a fanon ship in the script because certain elements of the fandom had become so unbalanced that it had started to interfere with their ability to work lmao - like i'm not laughing really because it's kind of upsetting but i am also laughing because Oliver's delivery of those lines was sending me. such conviction)

(like everyone else, i need to write porn about everything that happens after the shirt pull, not like i have a bunch of other WIPs or anything)

im whatever, they are feeding us, we are eating at god's most perfect table. bless us lou and every one

[themunflower]

How We Got Here: Part Three

Kouign-Amann: "Hey. Are you still up?"

Capsaicin: "Yeah. I haven't been sleepin' too well since… Well, you know."

Kouign-Amann: "They're holding his funeral without his body present. They've been trying to figure out what the Hell happened to him, but it's hard to run any tests, because the only thing left of him is abnormally hard sugar. Everyone's stumped."

Capsaicin: "I kind of expected that. It's morbid to say, but… I don't think there's any way they could fit him in a coffin like that… "

Kouign-Amann: "Morbid, but you're right. The only thing they have figured out is that he was apparently suffering from the flu. He'd warned his teachers he was too sick to come to class for a while, his doctor confirmed he came in suspecting he might have the flu the day before that. He also had filled a prescription for a few extra-strength fever reducers."

Capsaicin: "Think it could have been the pills?"

Kouign-Amann: "Nope. That was the first thing they tested. The pills were ruled out."

Capsaicin: "Sucks that they can't really tell us anything else, since we don't know if this even was a freak accident. I've heard some whispers about campus police starting to suspect a really bizarre murder involving a sabotaged potion."

Kouign-Amann: "I saw a bunch of his potion ingredients were used up, but I don't think we should assume murder just yet. I mean… How would you even DO something like this?"

Capsaicin: "S'what I was thinking. Plus, his doors and windows were locked from the inside. Nearly all his food was gone. I get the feeling he knew something was wrong, just not HOW wrong…

Kouign-Amann: "… "

Capsaicin: "Are you okay?"

Kouign-Amann: "I'm sorry, I just… I don't like thinking about the possibility that he suffered something like… THAT… all alone. And the fact that the sugar was starting to disintegrate into the air like that… How long had it been? I… I'm gonna be honest, I've been having nightmares about what we saw…"

Capsaicin: "… "

Kouign-Amann: "Ah, S-sorry. Didn't mean to upset you. Well, more than we both already are. It's not helping that on top of everything else, I've felt off for the past couple of days. I think I might have actually worried myself sick."

Capsaicin: "Maybe take some time off? The headmaster here already offered me time away from classes."

Kouign-Amann: "Same here. I'm probably gonna take him up on the offer. I couldn't focus this morning during swordsmanship practice."

Capsaicin: "I can come stay with you if you need me to."

Kouign-Amann: "… I think I would appreciate that, yes."

Capsaicin: "I'll let the headmaster know where I'm going tomorrow. Right now, I think we both need some sleep."

Kouign-Amann: "I'll try, but no promises, haha… "

Capsaicin: "Good night, Kouign."

Kouign-Amann: "G'night."

.

...

... ...

... ... ...

... ... ... ... ...

They had no way of knowing what they were about to unleash on the world…

INTRODUCTION END.

----------

INTRO COMIC COMPLETE!

I'm gonna buy myself pizza, drinks, and breadsticks tonight to celebrate, HELL YEAH!

Also, another official announcement, since @magicalkaite20 has been helping me write the AU over on Discord, she's officially a co-author on this AU!

GOOD SWEET FUCK THIS WAS LONG… And the insane thing? The original draft was longer. But because I'm not a fan of permanent tendon damage and I go insane from stir-craziness if I can't get out on my bike at least a couple times a week, I revised my script a few times to get it to a do-able length. Yes, I actually wrote out a whole-ass script for all of this before I even started drawing.

This wound up being trickier than expected, because it's hard to make a convo between two characters over a video call NOT be visually boring. I tried, lol

Had to darken that last panel in Firealpaca because my scanner is ass and just LOVES to wash out my art when there's a lotta black. :( It also loves de-saturating the fuck out of artwork if there's multiple shades of one color. Good GOD I need to replace that…

Anyway, I'ma rest mah wrists for a day or two before I start drawing more for this AU. In the mean time, now would be the time to ask questions about it if you have 'em. Just a heads up, I might not be able to answer some questions fully or at all due to spoilers. I'll still answer to let you know you'll hafta wait on that.

[yuurivoice]

I totally agree on the boo not needing to be the center of the universe. I mean even listener ASMR as a whole kind of comes from the whole fly on the wall concept that then diverts into a fourth wall break! I think it's actually really interesting how lots of people love this kind of stuff (me included) but typical video game or movie fourth wall breaks make them uneasy (Also me...) Maybe it's the thrill, or maybe it's just the difference on how the piece of media portrays the atmosphere!

one thing I would like your opinion on tho, is what you think of like?? mary sue type beat characters?? That's definitely not the right term, and in no way am I implying that's what boo is I just don't know what term would be better to use to explain the type of character im trying to explain lmao 😞 I feel like when every bad thing that happens is centered around the listener, it makes for a boring narrative, but I also think that when nothing at all bad happens to them ever, it kind of turns the character invincible, and like less human? if that makes sense at all 😭🙏 Not so much as major traumatic life events, but like.. listener fumbling and missing an opportunity, or just minor inconveniences that kind of reminds you that oh right they exist. like anyone can trip on a root and eat dirt, and it's equally hilarious! I think that's probably a very delicate balance, and I think you stay on that tightrope pretty well! I was just wondering

Have an amazing day!!

I think there are levels to this answer so I'll work through some layers.

From a creator's POV, a sad (or happy) truth is that your average listener is looking for and expecting a very simple, accessible, straightforward experience. I think this can often lead to unambitious writing, hitting all the high spots and delivering a basic package to the listener. I was certainly guilty of this in many cases, and since becoming more experienced and less strained by my ADHD, I've been able to take more chances and time. But a lot of folks might not have the desire to!

Next layer is, writing for a listener character is hard. Writing it BADLY is hard. Writing it well is a challenge. I'm not even talking about making them a character or having them be interesting, I'm talking about the mechanics of telling a story with an entire character who doesn't speak, but DOES speak. You have to master context clues, master your understanding of the audience (ie can they read my context clues?), and challenge yourself to get creative with how you deliver information. It's really tough!

A hindrance for me was that so much of what I do hinged on a romantic scenario or outcome. I was stuck in the "well how does this end up getting horny" of it all. Which has made me a career, so I'm not complaining, but also I recognize how one note it can make a character like Rook for example. Boo has the advantage of being the bridge between two characters, their influence is a big deal, their choices have significant impact. Rook is solely dealing with Auron, which makes for great smut, a bit of drama, and romance as we have dug more into Auron's character...but Rook hasn't DONE a ton OR had much happen to them. We're getting there, and thankfully there's a core audience that has bought all the way in purely on the basis of the romance hitting right. But we're getting to the fun stuff and soon my philosophy change will also reflect on Rook.

Casper was the first listener that really had a dose of "I need you to do/be something for the plot" and it has worked out really well. It was my first case of knowing they had stuff going on that wasn't readily known or made clear but needed to be hinted at. They had a job, a reason for it, a reason for not being obvious about it, and it impacted the world around them. That was good practice.

As for just stuff happening more, I can't speak for everyone but I can absolutely admit that I put a hard cap on the amount of shit going on in my audios for a long time because editing and sound designing all that mess is so much time and effort. For me, as I struggled to focus and get work done for so long, I couldn't just...add a little shenanigan or two, because it seemed like soooooo much work. It would put me off of doing it all. And then it becomes a cost analysis. Do I potentially waste days of procrastination and misery on 30 seconds of a thing in an audio that no one would miss if it wasn't there? Do I do it when there's a deadline looming as well? When I haven't got an upload for Monday?

...you see how easy the choice to ditch it becomes. I reckon there's probably a lot of that going on as well. Plus! I always want it to sound good, and I didn't trust myself to make shit sound good anyway. I would have felt in many cases I actively made the content worse.

Ultimately, I think people just want a pretty voice to talk at them. But there's vast potential for storytelling and adventure AND pretty voices talking to you! 😂

There is a strong crop of creators who are doing good work and honing their craft. It took me 8 years to get here. I finally hit a level where I feel I'm doing the kind of work that I can truly sit back and say I'm proud of it, that I'm not critical of or have any excuses for. It's challenging, and tricky, and time consuming. Not to mention I wouldn't even be here without tons of help.

I think that ultimately writers have to consider not what makes a listener cool or active or unique, but what makes them impactful and helps you tell the story you want to tell. And sometimes that means listener just needs to be talked pretty to and imagine they're being whisked away on a pirate ship, or snuck away at a ball, or in the middle of a meet cute at a bookstore. Less can absolutely be more. But when you do want more, you have to figure out what listener wants. Why do they want it? How do we convey that to the listener in ways that aren't always just being spoken to and told how to feel?

The rest will follow.

A fun example I've got right now is what I'm up to with Faust's Evalas Origin and the listener there. I actually got to apply a little more of my "oh I guess I CAN put in the effort to show this" philosophy by realizing i could add an entire sequence that was purely a listener interaction without the main character so we wouldn't have a "oh you're telling me what happened" moment and instead the listener gets to experience it from their POV before paths converge.

That's the one benefit of entries that won't require as much art, I can lean more into the audio doing the storytelling instead of the visuals.

Okay. Wow. Big yap. There ya go. 😂

[fafodill]

Oh my, thank you so much, you're such a peach !!! I'll totally check out the doc' and your post.

The more I think and learn about his childhood, the more I'm convinced his first months at Hogwarts must have been the best of his life - before his blood/social status and James dimmed down the fantasy. The post I'm working on is going to look more and more like a psychoanalysis of his relation towards food in general.

I can never make up my mind about him going to primary schools. It would make sense he got sent to one, especially if that meant he'd get one free meal a day (even a bad one) but maybe there wasn't even one where he was... but we can't know for sure ofc.

In any case, a big big thank you, I'm very grateful for the knowledge you just shared ! (did you research it for the big draft you finished not long ago ?)

(also totally unrelated but I just read your answer on my last reviews on your fic, "I'll be your doll" (I'm Crookedill) and thank you so much it was so sweet, keep writing without censoring yourself, it's absolutely amazing !)(still thinking about some of the scenes you wrote and damn it's great)

So someone asked me for Snape headcanons regarding food/drinks and oh boi is it even more complex than I originaly thought haha

Like I need to do some research on what he might have eaten as a child before he went to Hogwarts to really be able to construct a logic around his life's eating habit. So if anyone knows where to find resources about the poor working-class eating habits in 1960 in (central?) Great Britain... I'm interested.

All of that for a man who's skin and bones hahaha

Or I can get myself out of this and just say : he never eats. He just drinks potion supplements thrice a day and that's it. He runs on vitamins, coffee and spite.

[keicordelle]

While we're here: thinking about Gaku coming out.

Gaku who is bisexual and more or less comfortable with that fact. It's a part of him, why shouldn't he be?

But he knows full well that his father would not be.

Sosuke's not a strictly prejudiced man. He is perfectly comfortable with Anesagi, and with Re:vale, and receiving affection from another man bothers him no more than receiving affection from anyone.

But if it were Gaku...

Gaku's supposed to be a sex symbol. It's what he was trained for. What he was bred for, the singular reason his father bothers with him at all. It's been drilled into him from adolescence, ever since he hit puberty and graduated from generalized "how to be a star" into "how to make women love you."

And Gaku doesn't really care that his father would disapprove. At least, he tells himself he doesn't. The old man never approved of anything he did; why should he start now?

But still. He wishes he would. Wishes he could be as true to himself as he pretends to be. Loud and open and proud.

But it's fine. He likes women. Loves women, even. And if he has to keep his interest in men a secret, well. Just another sacrifice for the sake of his image. His father's image.

[osamusriceballs]

Ten Nights

Iwaizumi x fem Reader

Warnings: NSFW

Words: ~ 1,4k

About: A series of your most important moments with Iwaizumi- from your very first meeting to your relationship! Smut included~

___________________

"Go, ask for her number!"

"What? Why should I do that?"

"You've been eyeing her all night, Iwa-chan."

The brown-haired setter grins and takes a long zip from his drink, apparently not bothered by the annoyed grunt from the former ace.

"Quit it."

His eyes roam towards the bar, towards the direction of the woman he just bumped into- you. Your shy but polite smile, the way your cheeks reddened when you held eye-contact with him, and how you smelled so good when he walked past you- you positively put him under a spell. And Oikawa- of course- witnessed the whole thing and non-stop teased him about the little encounter.

One deep breath later, and Iwaizumi silently grabs his phone and heads towards your direction- with a slightly nervous smile on his face and hope in his heart.

xx

2:04 am - Iwaizumi: "Hey, it's me- Just wanted to check if you're home already."

2:06 am - You: "Hey, Hajime! I'm home safely. Thank you for worrying <3"

2:07 am - Iwaizumi: "Sure. I had a great time tonight- wanna hang out sometime again?"

2: 07 am - You: "I'd love to! Maybe lunch tomorrow?"

2:08 am- Iwaizumi: "Text me the time, and I'll pick you up."

2:08 am - You: "Perfect. See you then <3

2:08 am - Iwazumi: "See you tomorrow, y/n. Can't wait."

xxx

Iwaizumi runs his hand through his hair once again, nervousness clouding his features, yet he still manages to look handsome, even when he's simply leaning against his car.

He looks at his phone again, reading your short "I'll be there in a sec <3" for the third time, hoping to appear a bit calmer on the outside than he feels on the inside. Will you like his outfit? Will you like him? Will you think he's an arrogant guy, trying to impress you with his fancy car? It was his first big investment after his first salary, and it's something he'd wanted to have for forever, but if you-

His train of thoughts gets interrupted when you suddenly open the door to the apartment complex and immediately blink a few times to let your eyes adapt to the sunlight.

You're beautiful. The color of the dress compliments your hair, your make-up making your features more charming, and the smile on your face- stops his heart for a second. You're absolutely breathtaking.

"Hey!" You still smile when you step closer to hug him- and he allows himself to get lost in your flowery scent for a few moments while he wraps his arms tightly around you. "Hey." He returns your smile and quickly steps back to put a respectful distance between the two of you. He smoothly opens the door to the passenger seat and playfully bows while keeping eye contact to see the slight blush that he loves so much appear on your face. "Shall we?"



xxxx

It's perfect.

The perfect date, the perfect moment, and the perfect person. It feels natural when he holds your waist and leans down to slowly bring his lips to yours- and fireworks erupt in your stomach when he finally kisses you. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and return the kiss, enjoying how his body feels perfect against yours and how perfect this moment is.

Your very first kiss with him.

xxxxx

"Please- I need you-"

You gasp and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down towards you- and he is quick to connect your lips with his once again. His hips are rutting against yours, and you feel his hand moving under your panties to tease your clit, causing you to slightly bite into his lip in surprise. You pull back with wide eyes, but there is a hungry glint in his features, and his fingers rub your clit one last time before he pushes two of them inside after finding out that he's got you soaking wet with just a bit of dry humping. Not that he's any better, with the hard-on he's been sporting ever since you moaned his name when he had kissed you in the car.

"S-sorry," you gasp, and your thumb brushes against his lower lip but he quickly shakes his head with a grin on his attractive face.

"That was hot, baby."

The nickname turns your cheeks even redder, and he suddenly curls his fingers inside of you, causing you to gasp and arch your back against his body.

"Like that, baby? Don't worry, I'll take care of you so well tonight."

xxxxxx

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." You stop fidgeting with your fingers and focus on Iwaizumi, who is sitting right next to you.

"You sure? You seem so absent. "

"I'm just nervous."

"Why should you be nervous? You're with me, baby. Just you and me."

You smile and lean in for a quick kiss in the busy cafe- and decide to let it off your soul right here and now.

"I know. I was just thinking about how I should tell you that I love you. That's all."

You try to sound calm and collected, but the slight shaking of your voice reveals your true feelings.

You're nervous about being vulnerable.

About confessing your feelings, and taking this big step first, and you just hope that he feels the same.

Iwaizumi freezes- his attractive face not giving away what's going on in his head- and then the realization seems to sink in. He almost breaks his cup with how fast he's smashing it down on the table before he cups your cheeks with his hands and looks deep into your eyes.

"I love you too, y/n- So, so much."

xxxxxxx

"Please move in with me."

"Huh?"

You raise your head from his chest and look into his sleepy eyes. You blink confused, slightly shifting your body into a more comfortable position on top of him while the roaring sounds from "Godzilla" echo through the room.

Moving in so suddenly?

But it's moving in with Iwaizumi. How could you say no to that?

"Okay."

xxxxxxxx

You're without a doubt overwhelmed and don't know what to say when you look at the man in front of you on his knees- and towards the ring in his hands.

"Will you marry me?"

xxxxxxxxx

One of the most memorable moments of your wedding is without a doubt Oikawa's face- full of happy tears while sobbing "Congrats, Iwa-chan, y/n-chan," and how he tries to give his speech in which he declares that it was him who brought the two of you together, while clearly being drunk already.

The moment that you will truly never forget, however, is Iwaizumi's face when he sees you in your wedding dress for the very first time. Absolutely stunned, full of love and admiration, and it was all for you.

The way he gently held your hand during the ceremony, and how he simply wrapped his arms around you and lifted you up to carry you, causing the wedding guests to swoon and laugh.

x

"My beautiful wife." He whispers and presses another kiss against your calf. "So, so beautiful." He travels towards your knee and leaves a trail of sweet and teasing kisses, holding your leg steady to keep you from squirming. He finally reaches the fabric around your upper thigh and wraps his teeth around it to pull it down on your leg.

You wiggle under his lips, your breath already shallow and fast, you feel almost dizzy from watching the handsome man working between your legs- his tie loosened and his dark hair messy from how many times you've been running your hands through it tonight. Your wedding dress is bunched up around your hips, exposing your legs and underwear to Iwaizumi, but you know that you won't wear the dress for much longer.

Iwaizumi's lips curl into a triumphant smile as soon as he manages to free the wedding band from your body. "Look, I got it." You smile at his almost childish triumphant expression and suppress a laugh that threatens to burst out of you. That's exactly the man you've fallen for at that night five years ago.

He is quick to dive back between your legs though, and you gasp his name when he directly kisses your pussy through your white underwear. "Don't worry, my dear wife. Your husband is here with you now. Forever and ever."

[mustardyellowsunshine]

In today's episode of Shut Up Robin, Nobody Cares:

I finished Maison Ikkoku back in February, and I had a lot of feelings about the series. (It's good, do yourself a favor and go read it if you haven't.) As I read through it, I couldn't shake the thought: this is the caliber of romantic development Rumiko Takahashi can bring to the table?? We could've had this kind of relationship development in InuYasha??? 😭😭

The other thought I couldn't shake: InuYasha fans who still question the sincerity and depth of InuYasha's feelings for Kagome might benefit from reading Maison Ikkoku all the way to the end. They should read the final chapters of Maison Ikkoku, think for awhile about the blatant parallel themes found in InuYasha, and then try reevaluating InuKag's dynamic.

Now, I should clarify: I think the InuYasha series already makes it abundantly self-evident that the Inu/Kag/Kik "triangle" (🙄) is a complex situation that puts InuYasha in an extremely difficult position. (Well, it puts all of them in a difficult position, but you get the idea.) You just have to read the series with your brain on to see that. To review: teenage boy is tricked and terrorized by a demonic murderer; that demon successfully murders the boy's ex while masquerading as him; later his ex is revived from the dead against her will, wanders the earth as a vengeful spirit for awhile (who wouldn't be pissed about being brought back into that bullshit?), and is actively stalked by the demon who already murdered her once; teenage boy is falling in love with someone else when this happens, but he still wants to save his ex from being re-victimized by the demon who already brutally murdered her once. Anyone who sees that situation and describes it with a straight face as "InuYasha needs to make up his mind already" is probably never going to reconsider their assessment of InuYasha's character. They've already formed an opinion in defiance of the evidence. That ship done sailed.

But for some folks, I think experiencing the way Maison Ikkoku explores the same relationship themes—and particularly how it resolves those themes in the final chapters—could help them re-evaluate the emotional nuances in InuKag's relationship, and maybe help to re-contextualize the Inu/Kag/Kik conflict.

The parallels between Godai/Kyoko and InuYasha/Kagome are pretty obvious—Rumiko Takahashi consistently revisits this relationship dynamic in her work (it's present in Mao to a lesser extent). But I think Maison Ikkoku more directly confronts the emotional complexity of that dynamic. You can feel the difference in how RT more directly explores the messiness, complications, and pain of a) grieving a former relationship even while falling in love with someone else, and b) loving someone who is still tangled up in grieving their past. The InuYasha series obviously deals with those themes too, but Maison Ikkoku brings more focus and resolution to its exploration.

This may be for two reasons: 1) Maison Ikkoku had an older audience, as it was published in a seinen magazine geared for adult men between 18 - 40 years old, and 2) the relationship tension between Godai/Kyoko pretty much constitutes the main story of Maison Ikkoku; in InuYasha, the plot (such as it is) revolves around a vengeance quest and the monster of the week, and the relationship tensions between InuKag are second to that. Maybe that's why RT was more willing to get into the weeds with Godai/Kyoko and to more directly resolve the tension.

InuYasha does have some standout chapters where it explicitly deals with the tension of InuKag's situation (e.g., chapter 78, chapter 124, chapter 176, chapter 286, chapter 458, etc.), but there's this distinct hesitance in the narrative to resolve that tension in a substantive way. That's one of my beefs with the InuYasha series: it gives us moments of standout, concrete relationship development which then doesn't impact the future narrative all that much. The same relationship conflicts play out over and over again, well past their narrative expiration dates. See: Miroku flirting with women right in front of Sango after they've acknowledged feelings for each other; also the entire Kaō arc, which just... I do not understand the narrative purpose of that arc when it just exacerbates tensions that already existed and resolves none of them. Anyway. I digress.

You could argue this hesitance to permanently resolve relationship conflict comes from the episodic nature of InuYasha's storytelling. There's some truth to that, but that's not a satisfying explanation for why the main couple's relational status quo remains inert for the latter half of the series. Maison Ikkoku also does this to an extent—the "will they, won't they?" tension is strung along for as long as possible—but in general Maison Ikkoku does a better job of allowing relationship development to actually affect the narrative. Moments of emotional revelation and growth do change the relational status quo between Godai and Kyoko. They don't stay in quite the same relationship limbo that InuYasha and Kagome get stuck in for the latter half of the series. (It probably also helps that Maison Ikkoku is significantly shorter than InuYasha.)

All that to say: I think Godai/Kyoko is actually a useful mirror for examining InuKag, because they share the same themes and relationship dynamics without sharing the same narrative failings.

Okay, so: big time major spoilers ahead for Maison Ikkoku. Stop here if you don't want to see the conclusion of that series.

I want to look at how Maison Ikkoku's conclusion simultaneously revisits and resolves the main conflict between Godai/Kyoko.

Ahhhhhh my feelings!!! Man I love this series.

Okay, let's review the major takeaways from this scene:

• Notice how the tension between Godai and Kyoko—Godai's struggle with insecurity and Kyoko's feelings for her deceased husband—mirrors the tension between InuKag. And notice that the reader is encouraged to sympathize with both Godai and Kyoko. Godai is not "at fault" for struggling with insecurity and feelings of jealousy. That's a natural human feeling to have, especially in a relationship that hasn't been anywhere near secure until very recently. And despite whatever jealousy or inadequacy he may be feeling, Godai tries to see things from Kyoko's perspective. Part of Godai's struggle—the heartache of it—is his understanding that Kyoko is also not at fault. It's not her fault that she married before she ever met Godai, it's not her fault her husband died, and it's not her fault that she's struggling with the grief of that tragedy. She's trying to reorient herself to her new life after loss; she's falling in love with Godai, but she's also scared of betraying her husband's memory. (Let's hold that mirror up to InuYasha now, shall we? SHALL WE?) Moving on from Soichiro emotionally represents to Kyoko a breach of duty to a loved one.

• To reiterate: neither Godai nor Kyoko are "at fault" in this situation. That's precisely why it's a tragedy. They both have to process painful, messy feelings; both their feelings are valid and understandable. (Hold that mirror up to InuKag, girl. HOLD IT UP.)

• Notice how Godai explicitly acknowledges that loving Kyoko means loving the Kyoko who once loved Soichiro. "On the day I met Kyoko, you were already within her. That's the Kyoko I fell in love with." It's impossible to divorce Kyoko from her feelings for her former husband: that part of her life significantly shaped her into who she is. And I just love that Godai is hashing out his feelings at Soichiro's grave: it shows a sort of respect for Soichiro's memory, but more importantly it also shows that Godai knows his negative feelings can't ultimately be "fixed" by Kyoko. If she could fix them, he'd be having this conversation with her. (And by this point in the series they have had this conversation.) But Godai knows he's the only one who can truly work through/resolve his insecurity—especially now, when Kyoko has already assured him that she loves him—and I love how the scene's setting subtly demonstrates that. Soichiro's ghost is haunting Godai's feelings, not Kyoko's, and Godai is trying to work through that with Soichiro himself. There's no love triangle to resolve here: what needs resolving is Godai's own feelings of inadequacy which no amount of assurance from Kyoko can ultimately "fix." This is his ghost to fight. (We get an echo of this kind of inner conflict in chapter 458 of InuYasha: Kagome directly wrestles with the "ghost" of Kikyo and struggles toward some resolution of her own insecurities.... Only for the Kaō arc to come along later and materially damage that resolution and character growth for no clear reason, BUT I DIGRESS.) And this scene shows that Godai wins that fight: he comes to understand that loving Kyoko has to include accepting her past. Kagome reaches a very similar understanding in chapters 175 and 176 of InuYasha.

• To reiterate: Maison Ikkoku's conclusion is not the resolution of a "love triangle." It's the resolution of a series-long conflict, which is completely different. In order for love triangles to work—to actually function as love triangles—two competing love interests have to be viable options. This is quite evidently not the case in Maison Ikkoku: Soichiro is dead at the start of the series. It's literally impossible for Kyoko to choose him in any meaningful way. RT blatantly acknowledges this early in the series when Kyoko's father-in-law tells her she has to live her life. I cannot stress enough how self-consciously the series is not about a love triangle between Godai/Kyoko/Soichiro. (Mitaka is another matter entirely, for a different post.) Rather, the series is about the damaging power of grief in our lives, the rocky and painfully non-linear journey to healing from that grief, and how messy, fraught, and ultimately profoundly beautiful it is to love another person for exactly who they are — past pain/trauma and all. (Please for the love of heaven hold that mirror up to InuKag.)

• No, you know what? I'm not leaving that at a parenthetical. I'm just gonna say it: exactly as Maison Ikkoku is not about a love triangle, InuYasha isn't either. For the same reasons as stated above, the Inu/Kag/Kik dynamic is not ultimately a love triangle because Kikyo is dead at the start of the series. And while her spirit is magically revived—in an altered/diminished form—she is still not truly alive. The story conspicuously communicates this: her body is literally created from decomposing bones and cannot sustain itself (she needs to consume souls—other deceased spirits—to remain animated), symbolically suggesting she is of the dead even as she walks among the living. This is a facsimile of life. RT is not subtle about this. Kikyo is a tragic and complex character whose arc can be interpreted in many ways, but I think it's fair to say that the series self-consciously represents her as a past which can't be recovered. The damage has been done. She is dead, time continues to move forward, and there's no reversing that. (That's, again, why it's a tragedy.) Even her resurrected body symbolically represents this reality via death imagery. Ergo, from the very start of the series—just as we see in Maison Ikkoku—Kikyo is not a truly viable option for InuYasha. He can't choose her in any meaningful way. To "choose" her would be to essentially choose death—abandonment of life—just as Kyoko choosing Soichiro would make her "a wife who hadn't died yet." Kikyo represents an irrecoverable past just as Soichiro does. And the main thematic trajectory of each series does not suggest that Kyoko/InuYasha should give up on life by choosing death — it suggests they should choose life. Godai and Kagome conspicuously represent life, the possibility of living into the future. (Kagome is literally from the future, that's how unsubtle RT is about this.)

(A quick aside while we're here: no, Kikyo's not being a viable option does nothing to diminish the sincerity of InuYasha's feelings for Kagome. Kagome is not a "second choice," for the love of God the series blatantly addresses that very thing many, many times—like it's right there y'all—and I have already written a long ass post about why Kagome's insecurity over InuYasha's feelings for her shouldn't be taken as gospel truth.)

So, rather than being an actual love triangle, I think the Inu/Kag/Kik dynamic is a complicated emotional landscape that explores the same themes Maison Ikkoku does: how grief and trauma affect our lives, how painful and messy it can be to heal from that grief, and that loving someone—choosing to take that mutual risk with them—means trusting that they mean it when they tell/show us they love us, and choosing to trust them more than our own insecurities.

It's just that Maison Ikkoku explores those themes a little better. 😅 Which is why I think it makes a good mirror for re-examining InuKag: all the same themes without all the narrative failings and missed opportunities. ✌🏼

[sciderman]

(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Me, faced with a shiny new story idea: Save it for the Inklings Challenge, save it for the Inklings Challenge, please save it for the Inklings Challenge, I'm begging you please save it for the Inklings Challenge

[nyxypoo]

want to write about pussy inspections with endo but knowing me it'll end up the exact same as the takiishi one just with a different name :/

[yeonban]

I was thinking there aren't enough memes catered to third parties on this site (ex. two muses talking about a third) which imo make rp flow so much smoother sometimes bc it feels more realistic for interactions to not start & end at only the two people directly involved, but then I realized... blud, you have a meme sideblog. You can literally make your own dreams come true

[evilmagician430]

mabeline/jonah wolf in my 2020s timeskip au! read my tags for more information about her