#maybe not the same ones from back in 1982 because he’s obviously changed so much as a program. but new ones. plentiful ones.

[wynandcore]

Tron being gradually stripped of all his beautiful fuckin light lines until he’s simply left with the T symbol and some basic lines in Rinzler form gets to me

[blue-fidelity]

~ “Smile in the face of Tragedy”

Chapter 2: New King

Pairings: Billy Hargrove x Henderson!reader, Steve Harrington x best friend! reader

Chapter Summary:

A wild night reveals secrets and broken hearts. At least Billy & (Y/N) have each other.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, drunk!Billy, sad!Steve (that is a warning 🥺)

“(Y/N)! It’s Halloween!”- Halloween? (Y/N) woke up to the sound of her brother yelling excitingly. If she wasn’t mistaken, she could hear the Ghostbusters theme playing loudly from Dustin’s room. She groaned, burying her head in her pillows while running her hands through her hair.

This is not how she planned to wake up this morning.

Before closing her eyes to regain a little more sleep, her alarm clock looked her right in the face. 7:15. Another groan came from her. Perk up (Y/N), it’s your favourite holiday! She pushed herself up, swinging her legs on the side of the bed. (Y/N) definitely knew the high school students weren’t going to be wearing costumes to school. So before Billy picked her up, she’d head home to get changed.

Billy- (Y/N) didn’t think she’d be able to forget yesterday. The way he held her, the way he kissed her forehead. His embrace was so comforting- she nearly melted into him. The smell of dry cigarette smoke and cheap cologne haven’t been able to leave her senses. It was like everything that came with him, it was intoxicating, and she couldn’t get enough of it.

As she stepped out of bed, she moved her hips slightly to the music coming from her brother’s stereo. When she made it to her drawers, she contemplated what she should wear today. Just because she wasn’t going to wear a costume, didn’t mean she couldn’t look spooky, right? She grabbed her “Chistine” t-shirt, it was one of her favorite horror movies. Pairing it with a black acid wash skirt, some fishnets, and her usual chuck taylors, she strutted confidently out her bedroom door.

She walked into the bathroom to find Dustin clad in his Stantz costume, brushing his teeth. He looked so cute! “Hey Doctor Stantz, ‘lookin pretty badass”, she grinned, patting him on the back. “Thanks (Y/N)! I can’t wait to see the guys in their costumes, Halloween’s gonna be so great!”, he cheered, spitting out his tooth paste. He quickly ran out of the room to fetch breakfast, leaving (Y/N) time for her hair & makeup.

Bright red lipstick and heavy black eyeliner, hair slightly curled.

-

When she stepped into the living room, she saw her mom enthusiastically taking polaroids of Dustin. She couldn’t help but smile, hoping her mom would save her some for her picture board. (Y/N) sat on the couch beside her cat Mews, scratching the back of his ears as he purred in contentment. She giggled at the various poses her brother made in front of the camera.

Her mom had finally stopped taking photos, noticing her on the couch. “(Y/N) darling! I didn’t see you come in, can I get a photo of my two children?”, she questioned, looking at her with pleading eyes. (Y/N) couldn’t say no! “Of course!”, she said, standing up from the couch.

She placed an arm around Dustin’s shoulders, teasingly taking him in a headlock, rubbing her nuckles on his hair. To this he laughed, playfully pointing his fake proton blaster at her. It was the perfect picture. Perfectly trapped in the moment of two great siblings, simply having a good time.

(Y/N) gathered her things, making sure to take one of her mom’s homemade muffins for breakfast. She had made them a couple days before, but they still were delicious. Even though (Y/N) desperately needed coffee, she decided against it. She was already running a bit late, and as much as she hated the stale stuff from the cafeteria, it’d have to do. Dustin had already slipped out the door to head off on his bike, he really must’ve been eager to see his friends.

Before making her way to her motorcycle, she slipped her jean jacket on and hugged her mom goodbye. Claudia looked at her intently, ruffling her curled hair. (Y/N) rolled her eyes playfully, “Alright mom, I gotta go! ‘I’m gonna stop here after school though, k?”, she opened the front door. “Okay have a good day sweetie! ‘I’ll see you before your party!”. (Y/N)’s mom knew about the party, whether she knew there was going to be alcohol involved, it was better off not knowing.

Sliding the keys into the ignition, she sped off to the school. She could never get enough of the mysterious backroads of Hawkins. It scared her, obviously. With all the things that happened the previous year, she couldn't help but wonder if things still lurked in the depths of the forest, hiding till they could strike. Waiting and waiting till they can catch someone else and drag them to that horrible place. Her body trembled at the thought of it. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the memories. Eyes turning back to the road, she removed one of her hands from the handles, trying to reach for the button of her stereo. It had turned onto some random radio station that was playing Halloween tunes.

“Happy Halloween ‘Morning Ghouls and Goblins of Hawkins! Here’s a spooky throwback from ‘1982 for y’all on this fine dreary morning, ‘Blood Bitch’, by Cocteau Twins!” - the radio host introduced, was he really supposed to swear on radio? Well, no one really had a filter these days.

The song added to the eerie atmosphere of the cold morning, making her uneasy. She pushed through her thoughts, trying to just focus on getting to school. It was Halloween! No need for being pent up on past trauma. The station had eventually turned to a happier song, putting her in a better mood. What better to put a smile on your face then the ‘Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show? She bobbed her head happily to the familiar tune, singing along to the lyrics.

-

School today had been an absolute drag! Last period (math) was nearly done and (Y/N) was desperate to get out. She could see some of her mutuals were anxious as well, probably too excited to wait for the party tonight. She was excited as well, maybe a little bit of the fact that she’d be spending more time with Billy?

(Y/N) would hate for him to think she’d be using him as a rebound. Even though it seemed that way, she really should’ve forgotten about her feelings for Steve awhile ago. (Y/N) really loved Steve, but he’d always been so oblivious, but- that was just Steve. He would’ve never known of her feelings if she didn’t tell him. Which she never did, in fear of obvious rejection. Then here was Billy Hargrove, whether it be his flirtatious nature, she could see herself really falling for him. The one thing she knew she wouldn’t do was dive in too quickly. She wouldn’t make the same mistakes, for her and for Billy’s sake.

She was finally released from the rechedouness that was her math class-running straight out the door right as the bell rang, nearly having winded Mr. Henry. After taking a quick stop at her locker, she walked outside to find her motorcycle. (Y/N) was nearly there till a skateboard hit her feet, stopping her in her tracks.

“I’m so sorry! It slipped right out from under me-” a voice of a young girl called, her breath shaky. (Y/N) looked down at the girl shuffling to grab her skateboard, she had never seen her before. The mysterious teen with the red hair looked around her brother’s age, so why was she so unrecognizable? Wait- could it be?

Billy’s step sister.

“Hey, hey it’s all good!”, (Y/N) gave her a reassuring smile. “Hey- not to sound weird or anything-”, she chuckled nervously, “But, are you new here? ‘You see I got a younger brother ‘about your age, and you got an unfamiliar face”. The girl stared at her skeptically, but still replied. “Yeah, just moved here from ‘California, what are you ‘looking to set him up or something?” she questioned sarcastically. ‘Damn she was quite the firecracker. “Nah frankly I think you're a little out of his league”, (Y/N) winked. To this she got a laugh out of her. “Well, it was nice weirdly meeting you, ‘I’m Max!”, she introduced herself. “Well Max, ‘I’m (Y/N), if you're interested in someone helping you out with that kickflip, ‘I used to do some skateboarding myself”, she offered. Max beamed at her offer, “Really? That’d be so great!”, “Alrighty then, if you see me around, don’t be shy to ask!”.

Little did (Y/N) and Max know, Billy was watching them. Billy knew (Y/N) was genuinely kind, but not that kind. It wasn’t necessarily cool to be seen with a middle schooler. He figured he wouldn’t look too much into it, but something about seeing (Y/N) with her, didn’t sit well with him. Billy gave Max a dirty look as she skated up to the camaro. “You're late again”, Billy started. “I had to get catchup homework”, Max stated. “Jesus! I don’t care- who was that girl you were talking to?”, Billy asked, even though he already knew who she was. “Just some high schooler- she offered to help me learn some skateboarding tricks' '. So she skateboarded too, huh? “That’s rich. Just, get in the car, will yah?”.

-

(Y/N) entered the door with a ‘skip in her step. She really needed a reason to lose herself, forget about the world around her. Tonight was going to be perfect for that. Expecting to be greeted by her mom, she noticed no one was there. She knew Dustin was heading to Mike’s right after school, ‘but her mom was nowhere to be seen. She probably had to work later hours again. ‘This meant she had the place to herself! (Y/N) still had a few hours before Billy picked her up. So she figured she’d get into her costume, and then fix herself something to eat.

The Sarah Connor costume was simple. Gray tank top, black jeans, sunglasses, a chunky belt and combat boots. (Y/N) already had all of this in her regular wardrobe, so it’d be a pretty easy costume. Of course she didn’t have a rifle to complete it, even though she could’ve asked Nance. She wasn’t about to show up to a house party with a gun. It would have been pretty cool though.

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, clad in costume. Now it was time to remove her makeup and untame her curled hair. “Mr. Crowley” by Ozzy Osbourne was currently spinning on her “Blizzard of Ozz” vinyl. She mouthed her lips to the lyrics as she straightened her hair, her (Y/H/C) locks falling in straight whisps on her head. Replacing her once extravagant makeup with a more nude look, she looked at herself pleased.

A total badass look, you might say.

It was only 4:30, and Billy was coming over at 6 o’clock. She had way too much time to kill. Making her way to the kitchen, she scoped the fridge. Enough ground beef for two burgers, and she knew they had leftover buns. Maybe Billy would be hungry when he got there, and if she was making dinner for two- she didn’t want to start too early. So she’d head back to it in about a half an hour. Meanwhile a coca-cola would hold her down, she was pretty firsty.

(Y/N) now laid in her bed, bored. ‘Blizzard of Ozz was still playing, it just switched onto “Steal Away (The Night)”, her ears perked up to the upbeat tune. She couldn’t help but dance around, hopping happily on her bed as she belted the lyrics along with Ozzy. Pointing at the poster of him that was plastered on her wall, she shouted the chorus. It’d be pretty funny if Billy were to walk in on her singing her heart out, what would he think of that? She rolled her eyes at the thought, he’d probably think she was crazy. The song ended, turning to the next one. (Y/N) took this as her cue to start on dinner.

Flipping the patties in the pan, she sighed at the smell. She did cook a pretty ‘mean burger. Dustin loved when she made them, he always said the added rosemary was the perfect touch. (Y/N) grew up with her mother teaching her how to cook. Claudia Henderson had worked in a number of restaurants, usually in the kitchen or as a waitress. She now helped run a popular Inn a little outside of town, and it was her favourite place she’s ever worked in. (Y/N) probably figured it was a busy night, considering she didn’t come home at her usual hour.

5:45 and the burgers were ready and plated, the aroma running through the room. Billy was ‘going to be here soon, and she was giddy with excitement. Before she knew it, the bell rang. Fuck he was early. “Coming!” she called, slowly making her way to the door. ‘There he stood; a cocky grin on his face with his arm propped up on the door ledge. She took time to take in his minimal outfit, tight jeans & a leather jacket, no shirt. His abbs were on full display- (Y/N)’s mouth watered just at the sight of him. “See something you like, sweetheart?” he smirked. “Maybe-”, (Y/N) stammered. “It’s aight, I see something I like to,'' he whispered the last part into her ear, letting himself in.

“She cooks too? ‘I guess looks can be deceiving”, he motioned to the burgers. (Y/N) blushed, “I figured we could eat before we fill ourselves with alcohol”. They delved into the burgers, she couldn’t help but laugh when Billy moaned at the taste. “Darlin- I haven’t had a burger like this in awhile, ‘the ones down at Benny’s don’t hold anything on these”, he praised. “That must be a high compliment, because ‘Benny’s are pretty good”, she smiled at him. (Y/N) put the dishes into the dishwasher, quickly running to her room to grab her polaroid camera. “Where are you ‘heading princess?”, she’d never get tired of his little pet names. “I’m just grabbing my camera- I want to get some good shots tonight!”.

(Y/N) came back with her camera bag, a big grin on her face. “You ready to head out?”, he questioned. “Yeah, just let me get my jacket”, she took her jacket from the hook. “Ready”. He guided her to the camaro, opening the passenger door. Billy never opened the passenger door for girls! ‘(Y/N) really did something to him, huh? “Such the gentlemen”, she smirked. “Anything for you dollface”. He slid into the drivers side, placing his keys into the ignition. “Music?” she questioned, “Sure thing, feel free to look through the cassettes in the glove box”. She searched through the assortment of tapes, varying from Metallica, Def Leppard, RATT, Mötley Crüe, Hanoi Rocks, AC/DC and more. She settled on Hanoi Rocks’s, “Two Steps From The Move” album. It had just come out that summer, and it was one of her favourites. Not to mention she had a HUGE crush on Michael Monroe.

“Hanoi Rocks huh? I like your style”, he nodded in approval, till turning his eyes back on the road. “Got any specific fave tracks?”, (Y/N) questioned. “Track 8”. She was surprised he chose this one, considering it was one of the more “cheesy” songs. ‘It did have a pretty ‘rockin guitar riff in it though, she’ll give him that. Billy contentedly thumped his hands on the steering wheel, speeding up a bit. Rolling both of their windows down, (Y/N) was surprised to see him singing along to the lyrics. It was a bad attempt at a Finnish accent, sure, but it was still really cute. (Y/N) joined him, jumping in at the chorus. They banged their heads to the tune, continuously singing the lines. (Y/N) really felt alive in that moment. ‘She couldn’t remember the last time she had this much fun, and they haven’t even gotten to the party yet.

-

They pulled up to Tina’s, teens were already rallying in. ‘It was going to be a wild night. Before Billy could open up his trunk to get the kegs, (Y/N) stopped him. She pulled out her camera, “Hargrove! Smile!”, she grinned, pointing the camera at him. ‘He rolled his eyes, posing for the picture. The photo was of Billy playfully doing the devil’s horns symbol, with his tongue stuck out. She giggled, “This is one for the board!”. “Well Hey Sarrah Conner- let me take a pic of you!”, he said, trying to grab the camera from her. She handed the camera to him, smiling that he remembered her costume name. Letting her sunglasses shade her eyes, ‘she smirked brightly at the camera, ‘Billy quickly snapping the shot. He handed the polaroid to her, she shaked it and placed it in her bag with the one she took.

Billy held one of the kegs while (Y/N) grabbed the other, walking into the crowded house. It was overwhelmingly loud. They could feel the heat coming off the numerous teenagers that littered the home, their bodies moving to the heavy beats of the stereo. Tina was in the kitchen, and had noticed the pair walk in. “Billy & (Y/N) are here with more kegs!”, she shouted, ‘causing the crowd to go wild. Someone had taken the one from her hands and motioned Billy to follow them into the backyard, leaving her alone. She grazed over the sea of teens, trying to spot anyone she knew. She noticed Steve and Nancy dancing freely in the living room, Nancy nursing a drink while Steve had a big smile on his face. She figured she’d grab some punch and then see what Billy was doing in the backyard, most likely a keg stand. He was the new ‘king after all, Tommy was probably expecting him to beat Steve’s record.

‘As luck would have it, she was right. She stood on the back porch with a cup of “pure fuel” in her hands, watching the teens crowd around him as he bent over the keg. They shouted various numbers, counting the seconds as he chugged down the beer. (Y/N) cheered with them, looking at him with bright eyes. His torso was glistening, beads of sweat running down his toned chest. Her cheeks flushed red just at the sight of him. The enthusiasm got louder as he finished the stand, spitting spews of beer out of his mouth. “That’s how you do it Hawkins! That’s how you do it!”, more cheers. Tommy passed him a cigarette and escorted him into the house, the gang shouting his name as Mötley Crüe’s, “Shout At The Devil” played on the speakers. Billy spotted her on the porch, grinning wildly at her. He shoved her into his side with his arm, hugging her tight. Tommy glared at the interaction. Never in her time with being friends with Steve has ‘Tommy liked her that much, and it seems things haven’t changed.

Typical Tommy.

(Y/N) was enjoying the feel of Billy's embrace a little too much. She knew he was already partially drunk, and she was feeling a nice buzz that she wasn’t planning on getting rid of anytime soon. Someone had to drive them home. ‘Tommy paraded them up to Nancy and Steve, (Y/N) wasn’t sure if it was to torchure her or show off Billy, probably both. ‘Billy and Steve stared each other down as if they were going to kill each other, it was really intense. Too intense for her liking. Still hooded under Billy’s arm, she shot Steve a sympathetic look. ‘As if to say ‘I’m sorry’ with her eyes. “We got ourselves a new keg king Harrington!”, Tommy declared. “Yeah eat it Harrington!”, another guy shouted. Somehow in ‘Billy and Steve’s stare down, Nancy had slipped away.

“You see Harrington- not only that, but I stole your girl away too”, Billy retorted. Oh shit- this wasn’t good. Steve glanced over at her, a nervous look in his eyes. “I don’t know what you're talking about man-”. How did Billy know about (Y/N)’s past feelings for Steve? “Well you see, this lovely lady under my arms thought the world of you, and frankly I- I just don’t see why! Point being, she has me now, you can go fetch that slut you settled for.” This interaction was making neither Steve nor (Y/N) happy, it left them feeling both angry and confused. Steve scoffed, chasing after Nancy. He was going to want to talk to (Y/N) about this later.

Steve really didn’t know what to make of what Billy had said to him. Mainly, it sounded like a warning; but he didn’t think Billy intended for it to be that. (Y/N) and him had been best friends forever, and even if he didn’t necessarily like Billy, there was no harm in her being friends with him, right? Though, something about what Billy said hinted that he meant more than just friends. Had (Y/N) liked him, loved him even? Was Steve really oblivious all these years- no, it couldn’t be. If he was being honest, he harboured a small crush on her in the beginning of middle school, but then Nancy came into his life. Nancy Wheeler hit him like a freight train right in the heart, and he then became a lovesick puppy. He couldn’t get enough of her. That’s when Steve began to realize, the jealous glances over the years, the slight distaste of Nancy that came off her.

But, why did it matter if (Y/N) loved him? He still had Nancy, or so he thought.

-

Tommy had left, leaving Billy and (Y/N) in the corner of the living room, an uncomfortable silence stirring between them. “Billy-how did you-“, she wondered in a whisper, but Billy cut her off. “You really don’t think Tommy would’ve told me? Besides, everybody knows”. She didn’t need to hear the last part. Besides, why did it matter if everyone knew- it didn’t matter to her anymore. “Does that bother you?”, she asked worriedly. Billy chuckled darkly.

“Darlin- you got nothing to worry about, I’m your new king now”.

Next thing she knew, they were on the dance floor. Billy had pulled her into the crowd of sweaty bodies, grinding on each other. Some people were making out, others chugging alcohol till they fell limp to the floor. She stared nervously at the rowdy teens, her body shaking. He noticed her agitation, placing a hand on her cheek, turning her to face him. He smelt of cheap beer and stale cigarette smoke, and a hint of cologne. She was caught with that intoxicating sensation again, making her hazy. His icy blue eyes peered into her (Y/E/C) ones, “Just feel the music princess- everything will be just fine”.

‘Their bodies moved comfortably against each other to ‘Billy Idol’s, “Flesh For Fantasy”. A perfect song choice in the moment. ‘(Y/N) was very much sober and very much aware of what was happening. Aware of Billy’s strong grip on her waist, aware of his hips moving against hers. Normally this would’ve been cutting close corners for her, but she was looking for an opportunity to lose herself. What better way than this? She ran her fingers through his thick blonde curls, her hips swaying a bit more. He sighed in contentment, making her shiver. His face was currently buried into her neck, placing soft kisses on her collarbone.

They continued their heavy sway for a while, Billy had started to form a hickey below her ear. She was definitely not going to be able to cover it up tomorrow, but she really didn’t care if people saw it- she wanted people to know that she wasn’t desperate. That she didn’t need Steve anymore. She wasn’t exactly sure what she meant to ‘Hargrove, but she knew that she wasn’t planning on leaving him anytime soon. (Y/N) felt him remove his lips from her neck, his hot breath waving over her. “Mhmm- left a pretty big mark sweetheart-“ he mumbled. She hummed in return, removing her hands from his hair.

The rest of the night consisted of more dancing, and Billy getting more intoxicated than he was before. Really drunk Billy- let’s just say it was quite the sight to see. He was a giggling mess, slurring his words and stumbling on his feet. “(Y/N)- has anyone ever told you-“ he hiccuped, “That you were gorgeous?”, another hiccup. She giggled at his comment, “Tons of people- but I bet no one sees me like you do huh?”, she supported him up against the kitchen counter. “Absolutely no one!” He cheered in a high pitch voice, damn he really was a mess. She tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders snatching his keys.”Hey- what are you doing?”, he gestured to the keys, “Getting you home-“, “Wait! Can we go to your house please?? I can’t wake up my dad letting him see me like this- he’ll kill me”, he pleaded. “Fine- just, try to be as quiet as possible, I got a sleeping family too”.

(Y/N) took him out of the house, nearly carrying him. She waved goodbye to a few mutual friends who were still conscious, muttering a soft “See y’all tomorrow, hope we aren’t all hungover”. This earned a few laughs from her classmates, bidding her and Billy a goodnight. Unlocking the passenger side to the camaro, she set Billy down lightly on the seat. “Being so ginger with me sweetheart- I’m not made of glass ‘you know”, he joked. “Whatever tough guy- let’s just get you to a bed, mhm?”. Placing her hands on the steering wheel, she realized she hasn’t driven a car since the summer, and a camaro is definitely nothing close to a station wagon. She took a deep breath- she could do this, no sweat. Besides, there was no way she could bring herself to ruin a car as beautiful as this one.

Billy must’ve passed out while they were driving, because when she pulled into her driveway, his eyes were sewn shut. She had to admit- he did look pretty adorable when he was sleeping. She tried to resist the urge to take a photo of him, but she couldn’t help herself. Pulling out her camera bag that was littered with pictures from tonight, she snapped a quick photo of him. The flash startled him, waking him up. “Sweetheart- were you taking photos of me in my sleep? That’s just creepy”, his voice was groggy. “How could I not when you were laying there looking like an angel?”, “Pfft- ‘darlin, I am a demon, Satan himself! ‘Ain’t no way I’m an angel!”, he scoffed.

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but Lucifer was once an angel”.

Fumbling with the keys to her front door while trying to help Billy regain his footing was hard. He was just about to lose consciousness again when she finally got the door open, it shouldn't have been as much of a challenge as it was- but Billy had a lot of weight to him. She didn’t notice the lights were still on till she saw her mom sitting in her reading chair, Mews on her lap and clad in a cat costume. Shit- what was she gonna say about this? “Oh! Mrs. Henderson- I see where (Y/N) gets all her good looks from!”, Billy squealed, “Ugh can it Billy! Mom I can explain-“ she shushed Billy, staring wide eyed at her mother. “Sweetie- you clearly had a wild night, just take this pound of muscle to your room, and we can talk about it while he crashes, okay?”- (Y/N) nodded quickly, dragging Billy to her room.

Billy flopped down on the bed, giggling wildly. “Honey! We’ve known each other for two days, don’t you think we ‘oughta know one another better before I sleep in your bed?”, (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the blubbering idiot. “This was your idea dumby! Just get under the covers and keep it shut, will you?”, she glared at him, closing the door and heading back to the living room.

“So no Steve, huh? He’s the one who usually spends the night”, her mom said softly. “Different reasons mom- I’m just trying to figure out who’s a bigger piece of work”, she huffed. “Well he’s quite the looker, ‘makes me wonder how you keep up with him”, Claudia smirked. “Mom! He’s new here- he just happened to notice me first”, (Y/N) blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Besides- what are you doing up so late?”, (Y/N) stared at the clock, “It’s nearly 1 o’clock”. “Busy night down at the Inn, just needed a little time to myself after Dusty went to bed”, she sighed, but (Y/N) knew she wasn’t finished. “Also wanted to see what mess you brung home, it’s always a new thing with you”, her mom laughed. “Billy’s- interesting, but I’m not sure, doesn’t seem like the most faithful type”, she sighed. “He may surprise you, and besides- if he hurts you he’ll have to suffer the wrath of your brother!”, Claudia giggled, smiling at her daughter. “Anyways- I’m gonna head to bed, early day at work tomorrow, you gonna go join the guy?”, she pointed down the hall. “Yeah yeah I’ll join the idiot in a second- just gonna get some water”, (Y/N) said tiredly.

Snuggling up on the couch, she sipped her water. The quietness was calming, the fact that everyone was at rest and she was the only one around southend her in a way. The fact that Billy was sleeping soundly in her bed, gave her a different feeling. Things with him- had gone by so quickly, and it was only just beginning. It was nice being with someone where the relationship had lasted longer than more than a few hours. Her past flames- had simply been one night stands, meaningless things to shy her away from Steve, but Billy was different. She actually liked him, and even though he came off as a jerk- he seemed really sweet on the inside. Though, she couldn’t help but wonder how Steve was feeling right now, the bomb had been dropped on him nearly two hours ago- it must be overwhelming to know your best friend was holding back feelings for so many years.

(Y/N) was just about to head to bed, till she heard a knock on the door. Who was here at this time of night? She opened the door slightly, and who she saw she didn’t expect. There Steve stood, his face red and puffy with tears in his eyes. His body was shaking, his shoulders were slumped over. He looked awful. “She- doesn’t love me- it’s bullshit! It was all bullshit!” He stuttered as his body continued to quiver. (Y/N)’s heart ached at his words, what had Nancy done this time? She didn’t know what to say, it’s not like she could’ve let him in. So, she just pulled him into a hug, “Steve-you can’t keep coming here like this- it’s not my job to fix you”, she tried to explain. “I know! I just don’t have anywhere else to go”, he cried. “I can’t tonight- it just isn’t the right time.” (Y/N) was attempting to tell him in the best way possible that Billy wasn’t there, but Steve caught on. “He’s here, isn’t he, Billy?”, Steve muttered angrily. “Out of all the guys in Hawkins- you chose him to get over me, that’s just flattering!” . Steve was making her feel sick, “Steve- I know you're hurting but you can’t take it out on me like that- it isn’t fair”, she pushed away from him. “I’ll talk about this with you tomorrow- when you're in the right state of mind, okay? Just please leave”, she pleaded. “Fine- I’ll see you tomorrow”, he breathed out harshly, walking back to his car.

She was on the edge of a breakdown, heart racing and choked up tears running down her face. This is not how she expected her evening to end- seeing Steve like that, broken and beaten again. (Y/N) thought she’d never live to see Steve crumble in her arms one more time- and with that she could’ve rested easy. At least she wouldn’t have to be alone tonight, she had someone waiting for her. Trying to stay quiet, she tiptoed down the hall. Opening the door, she walked in to see Billy sleeping soundly, the pink hue of her bedside lamp illuminating his features. She took notice of his leather jacket, jeans and boots scattered on the ground. That meant he was only in his boxers. Before joining him she slipped into an oversized AC/DC t-shirt and looked in the mirror, her hands grazing over the purple mark that had formed on her neck- the little bastard.

When (Y/N) laid in bed, even in his sleepy state Billy could notice the slight dip in the mattress. He groaned, “What took you so long…?”. (Y/N) chuckled softly at his tiredness. “Just an unexpected visitor, nothing to worry about”, she smiled reassuringly. “Well as long as you're okay, that’s all that matters”, he kissed her temple, pulling her into his chest. She snuggled into his side, sighing contentedly. She needed this. “Thank you”, she mumbled mindlessly. “For what sweetheart?”.

“For helping me start fresh”.

The couple held each other comfortably, sleep taking over them. (Y/N) rested her head on Billy’s torso, as he lazily made circles on the small of her back. Everything was blissful in that moment. Perfect. She’d deal with Steve tomorrow, for now, she had Billy Hargrove. Billy Hargrove with his strong hold and warm comforting body, Billy Hargrove who made her feel safe.

Author’s note:

Hope you all love the second chapter! Feedback is always appreciated & as always if you want to be added to the taglist comment down below ❤️!

Tag-list: @theblueslytherin @oopsiedoopsie23 @lulu-yuming @merc12-us @soullesstaco @unded-bride @holychocopie @nikkixostan @ellesimagines

[xenteaart]

One Faulty Briefcase

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: Basically, due to some faulty time-travelling equipment you get separated from Five and end up being stuck in the past on your own. Fun times.

GIF: @jos-march​

Note: This is another part of this AU. Five and reader are in their late 20s here. Hope you enjoy! Pure fluff for you during those dark uncertain times

You’ve been stuck in the past alone for two years now. It was the 15th of May 1982; you and Five were just finishing up one of your missions, nothing remarkable, nothing extraordinary. Getting rid of your mark was quite easy, you’d say almost too easy to hope the mission was going to end well.

“Five, I think there’s something wrong with the briefcase,” you pointed out worryingly, eyeing the time-travelling device with suspicion as the two of you were gathering your things around the motel room, getting ready to leave.

“What do you mean?” he asked nonchalantly, paying very little attention to your concern.

“We landed weird. Not like we usually do. I don’t know, something was just off about it,” you replied with a puzzled frown on your face, recognizing that whether you were right or not, the briefcase remained your only way out of the year you didn’t belong in. Five looked the device indifferently and shrugged, not thinking much of it.

You sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting for Five to be done with whatever it was he was doing, staring at the goddamn briefcase as if it was alive and plotting against you. It was probably nothing. You didn’t get to have a vacation in so long, always on the go, always busy and tense, it was probably just your exhaustion transforming into paranoia. Maybe, all you needed was a day off.

“Okay, let’s go,” Five’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You simply nodded and got up on your feet before taking a hold of the briefcase and stepping closer to Five so he could put his hand on your shoulder. Using a briefcase wasn’t exactly rocket science - there were very little ways to mess up. None, to be precise. They were programmed to a certain time period by the clerks at the Commission, and all you had to do was push a button, so, clearly, it couldn’t have been you who screwed the time-jump. But something did, and the very second you pushed that button, you felt electricity go through your veins, making you break the contact and let go off the briefcase.The pain that coursed through your system lingered for another twenty seconds, leaving you shaking on the floor and breathing through what felt like a full-body cramp, and when it finally subsided, you looked around and realized you were still in the motel room in 1982, except Five was gone and nowhere to be seen along with the briefcase.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” you whispered to yourself, your eyes wide open in disbelief that you were actually right to be worried.

The damned briefcase was your only chance to get home. Well, you didn’t really have a home per se but even the flat the Commission provided you and Five with, despite the fact that you barely got to spend any time there with your never ending trips across the timeline, seemed like a better option than being stranded in the past completely on your own.

“Fuck.”

You had no better option other than to wait for Five to show up but with each passing day your hope and patience were wearing thinner and thinner.

There were only two reasons as to why it’s been two years and you still haven’t heard from him - he either just didn’t care about you which was quite unlikely or he was in some sort of trouble himself. Some days you felt very optimistic, knowing full well that Five would never just leave you nor would he give up on trying to reach you, other days anxiety and solitude weren’t doing you any favors, making you believe it was how you were going to live out the rest of your life. In the year that you didn’t belong, doing things that weren’t yours to do, sleeping in a bed that wasn’t yours to sleep in. The most difficult part was living through each day completely clueless about when it was going to end or if it was to end at all.

For the first few days you stayed at the motel, waiting for Five and still full of hope. Thankfully, you had enough cash on you to cover a week's stay. But on the seventh day you woke up and it suddenly dawned on you. You had to go and make a life for yourself because you were staying.

It wasn’t exactly easy since people barely cared about your circumstances, dismissing you like they dismissed any other homeless person. You were invisible to them, just another nuisance with a story they didn’t have time for.

As soon as you completely exhausted your resources and didn’t even have lunch money, you had to spend a few days living on the streets. Sure, being a professional assassin was a relative advantage on your side but you didn’t want to spill any unnecessary blood and only used your skills for mild robberies up until you landed a job at some cafe.

You thought it was a nice change since you were never exactly happy with working for the Commission in the first place. Serving meals and talking to customers felt like a much needed vacation - the job was simple and almost relaxing, especially compared to a job of a hitman. Being a waitress, however, didn’t bring you nearly as much money as you needed to cover your rent so you still robbed occasionally, always making sure no one got hurt.

Five crash landed in some dark alley, even though mere seconds ago it was noon. The briefcase became too hot to the touch, so hot it was painful to hold it, so Five hissed and let go of it instantly. It didn’t explode like he expected it to which was really good news, it meant it was still working but obviously needed fixing.

Luckily, Five Hargreeves was a bit of a genius so he was bound to make things right eventually. But for now he was also thrown off the original course, landing just a few years later, in 1990.

The Commission didn’t seem to care about the accident much. Of course, they could send another agent to scoop you both and bring you back safely but you were nothing but tiny cogs in a grand machine, and you were replaceable. Watching you two on an Infinite Switchboard, the Handler lit her cigarette with a sinister giggle, curious about how you were going to figure it out. She would probably help you if there was some out-of-the-ordinary case that she’d need Five to take but for now everything was rather peaceful, tedious even, and the Handler fancied some entertainment. Plus, any agent could take the job she had planned for you both, so there was truly no hurry.

As soon as Five found a safe place with no one around to distract him, he began fiddling with the wires inside the briefcase, hectically remembering everything he’d learned about them in Orientation. There was no easy fix to this and he was probably going to need some time to come up with the solution but he already had a few options in mind so it was time to get started.

It was a slow lazy Sunday and you were already at work, all dressed up in your uniform and in an unreasonably good mood. Maybe it was the sun outside that made you a little happier and a titch more oblivious to your circumstances or maybe you actually enjoyed living a normal mundane human life, or maybe it was both. Either way, you felt pretty alright for someone who got stranded in the past with no chance of seeing the person they loved the most.

The place you worked at was usually pretty crowded on Sundays, so you had barely any time to be reflecting on your life, too busy running around with plates and drinks in your hands.

One of the hit songs started playing on the radio and you couldn’t help but dance to the happy tunes that felt so appropriate for the warm bright day outside.

“Come on, don’t let me down this time,” Five whispered, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and wiping away a few drops of sweat from his forehead. He took a few seconds to assess his work, making sure he didn’t miss anything and the briefcase was all done and ready. Needless to say, he’s tried contacting the Commission numerous times by this point but all he got in response was silence, so he gave up on that idea eventually and tried to repair the device on his own.

Five pushed the button.

This time, the landing was even rougher than before, quite literally making him smash into the hard unwelcoming asphalt and split his eyebrow. But he did land somewhere so it could probably count as progress.

Your shift was coming to an end as the city was slowly immersing into the pink colors of the evening sky. As Five entered the cafe, you were still waltzing between the tables almost carefree, mouthing the lyrics of some random song and moving to its beats like no one was watching. He recognized you right away, your posture, moves and physique too familiar to overlook. You’ve spent more than ten years together, after all.

When you finally noticed him just standing in the middle of the hall, your heart dropped and so would the plates you were holding if you hadn’t been quick enough to catch them. You froze for a good ten seconds, staring Five right in the eye, too scared to believe it was actually him and not your imagination playing tricks on you. As you put the plates down on a nearby table with a loud bang, you ran towards Five and squeezed him in a deadly tight hug, almost making him lose his balance.

“What the fuck, Five,” you said with a gasp of relief, your words half muffled as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, “How did you find me?”

“What? I didn’t. I just popped in for a coffee before looking for you,” he uttered, frowning. Only as you pulled away, you finally noticed that Five was still wearing his work suit, and the stains on the fabric were a clear giveaway that it was the very same suit he was wearing on the day you two got separated, “Wait. Why is your hair so long? And what are you doing here?”

Now you were both confused. Properly confused.

“What?”

“What?” he mirrored your tone, still gazing at you as if he was solving a riddle. And then it hit him. “What year is this?”

“1984. It’s been two years.”

“No, it hasn’t.” and it was true for Five, it’s been less than a week in his timeline, so he either miscalculated the jump or the briefcase’s navigation system was more corrupt than he had anticipated.

“Yes, it has, smartass, look around,” the words came out a lot more snappy than you would have liked, and you took a deep breath, then wrapping your arms around Five again and pulling him closer, clearly reluctant to ever let go just in case.

“Not sure if I want to attempt getting us back with that nonsense of a briefcase but we’re both here now so that’s good news,” he muttered, closing his eyes and shaking his head a little as he returned your hug and held you close. You smiled weakly and chuckled, giving him a quiet “yeah” in response.

Five’s body was warm against yours, and you couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath at the realization of how much you’ve missed him. He rested his hands on your waist in a protective manner and simply stood there, letting you enjoy the embrace as the entire cafe was silently staring at the pair of you with utmost confusion and almost fascination.

“You know what that means, though?” you asked quietly, unable to resist a smug grin.

“Hm?”

“I am now four years older than you instead of two.”

“Oh, God. I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?” he rolled his eyes in response as he was gently rubbing your back in calming circles.

“Nope.”

-

The consequences for the Handler were going to be disastrous because Five was already getting about a dozen ideas on how to make her pay for her inaction and there was no force on planet Earth that could stop him.

-

a little sequel to this fic here

[sugarcomatosed]

On Miyuki Inaba and Macross:

I’ve heard nothing but love for wave 2-10 of destruction; but I’ve realized that the scene loses some of its magic for western audience because they don’t know it’s a shout out. 

So today I want to break down for you today the biggest reference in 13 Sentinels you most likely missed out on; Miyuki Inaba, Lynn Minmay and The Super Dimensional Fortess Macross.

Join me under the cut for massive spoilers for Sentinels of course, and a nearly 40 year old anime you’ve never seen.

I think everyone knows Sentinels is chock full of sci-fi shout outs. From War of the Worlds, to Terminator, The Matrix, heck even GroundHog’s day, the list goes on and on. Most western audiences will be able to spot the bulk, so why haven’t you heard of Macross?

Simply put, copyright battles. In 1985, Hamorny Gold stitched together three unrelated animes to create Robotech. One of the anime series involved was Macross and Harmony Gold has kept a tight leash on the copyright preventing the series from ever getting a real proper English release ever since.

...so what is Macross?

Well, in super blunt Wikipedia stolen summaries:

Macross (マクロス, Makurosu, English: /məˈkrɒs/) is a Japanese science fiction mecha anime media franchise/media mix, created by Studio Nue (most prominently mechanical designer Shōji Kawamori) and Artland in 1982. The franchise features a fictional history of Earth and the human race after the year 1999, as well as the history of humanoid civilization in the Milky Way. It consists of four TV series, four movies, six OVAs, one light novel, and five manga series, all sponsored by Big West Advertising, in addition to 40 video games set in the Macross universe, 2 crossover games, and a wide variety of physical merchandise.

If you asked me to boil the series down to it’s three staples I’d pick the following three elements. Big robot fights, love triangles and music, usually all interplaying together to make some of the most exciting fight scenes in anime.

The series is going strong in Japan ever since its 1982 release, with the most recent series Macross Delta’s newest film “Absolute Live!!!!!!” getting its first teaser trailer days before I sat down to write this post. It’s insanely big in Japan and you’ve probably seen a half dozen Macross references if you’ve watched a sci-fi anime before. Most likely the signature missile blast.

Sentinels pulls specifically from the 1984 film: the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love? The story is largely a shortened version of the first tv series which aired in 82 and is considered in canon a film retelling of the events.

The film focuses on a colony ship adrift through space suddenly being attacked by an alien race called the Zentardi, it’s both a war film and a very quiet drama all tangled up in the three central characters of Hikaru Ichijo, the young pilot, Misa Hayase, one of the bridge officers and then Miss Macross herself; Lynn Minmay.  An idol singer aborad the ship who has during its journey become a huge celebrity after starting as a simple waitress at her family’s restaurant. 

Minmay is considered something of the face of the series and while other characters may never come up again in its extended universe, the story of Lynn Minmay is akin to legend in later entries in the seires. 

When mankind was faced with these invaders, there was one simple thing that managed to send the enemy into disarray, the music of Lynn Minmay shocked the Zentardi who had no concept of culture and music. They end up capturing her and the other two leads during the course of the film and while the others manage to escape; Minmay is trapped behind with the Zentardi.

They eventually ask her to look and exam a relic they’ve kept on board their ship, and Minmay discovers it’s of all things, a song.

So, if isn’t obvious enough by this description alone, Miyuki is modeled after Minmay. It’s not a 1 to 1, but the curls in her hair and the style of her outfit make it even more obvious.

They have a lot of the same general vibes too, Minmay over the course of the film becomes a tragic melancholic figure and a symbol of the war effort against her will. Her sweet dreamy smile and glittering energy become subdued as she faces set back over setback. She remains strong up until a point behind her facade of confidence until she discovers Hikaru now has feelings for Misa. Culminating in the finale of the film where a despair filled Minmay refuses to sing because it all seems pointless.

Miyuki foils this of course with her journey from the plucky Tomi Kisaragi of a prior loop to a ghost in the machine; a somber beautiful figure but a changed person. She only has this role she’s taken on in the end. All she can do to impact the out come of this fight is sing and hope Shu hears her.

In the finale, Minmay is given a wake up call and asked by Hikaru to sing her song and try to save the lives of everyone left aboard the macross. Roused from her despair, Minmay agrees and the final battle is set to the tunes of the song the Zentardi had shown her, now with lyrics Misa had translated. At long last reaching them and halting the conflict.

This is of course, what 2-10 is a direct reference too. Miyuki sings Seaside Vacation until she can’t be heard any longer.

Even if you’ve never seen the film, the clip alone is a treat in itself. It’s a lovely piece of animation 

But Macross’s influences go deeper than just Miyuki and the original Macross. In Macross Plus, the primary idol is the artificial intelligence Sharon Apple. She is also it’s major villian as her AI becomes destabilized during the course of the film.

With the illegal modifications installed in Sharon takes control of the capital of Earth with her music and nearly destroys the city. Miyuki’s character is all Minmay, but her role in the story is a heroic Sharon Apple.

And outside of Miyuki, Macross references and influences can be spotted in Tomi’s story in which she and Nenji are trapped in 2025 and he begins to fall for her mirrors the arc that occurs between Hikaru and Misa after they escape the clutches of the Zentardi. The pair find themselves trapped on a mysterious planet, which turns out to be Earth rampaged by the Zentardi. Misa and Hikaru’s hostility towards each other fades as they try to come to grips with this truth. They spend a long time alone in the ruins and eventually fall in love before eventually being saved by the Macross. Which, is roughly what occurs in Tomi’s story between her and Nenji.

Shu’s story as well, with the minor focus on his confusion of his feelings towards Tomi and Yuki are also arguably a tongue in cheek reference towards the series many Love triangles, which aren’t always true triangles but always remain a corner stone of the series. 

Does Shu actually have feelings towards Tomi? No but she’s showing up everywhere and it’s left him a little out of sorts and plays into the misinformation sentinels feeds you, leading you to think there’s a triangle of some sorts:

Maybe they’re stretches, but considering it was stated in an interview the film was a huge inspiration for the game, I wouldn’t be shocked. I found the interview on twitter back in November but can’t track it down now and I’m v. sad

There’s also the matter of the Protoculture.

The Macross is a massive colony ship, sent out into space with the goal of returning to earth after a long space voyage to insure humanity’s survival, much like the probes the 2188 colony sent out. Misa and Hikaru return to find this was the only thing that’s had prevented humanity from being wiped by the Zentardi.

While on earth, Misa and Hikaru manages to discover a set of ruins of a highly advanced civilization that had created both humanity and the Zentardi. The protoculture.

The logs they manage to Find reveal that their inventions grew too great and they have all but disappeared from the universe, but humanity in the end are aliens as well. The invading Zentardi were just tools used by the Protoculture to wage war on itself and contributed to the death of their people.

The song Minmay sings is a relic of the Protoculture, an ancient highly advanced civilization from thousands of years ago.

Now Hm. Why does that sound familiar? What was it Fluffy said about 2188 and the Deimos code....

They’re obviously not 1-1 references, but Sentinels was such a labor of love that pulled from so many genres it’s nice to see such an iconic series get a well thought out reference. 

I hope this was something of a fun read and gives you a better love of Miyuki and 2-10.

I don’t know if I’d recommend getting into Macross if you liked Sentinels, but if you’re interested send me an ask and I could probably give you a helpful breakdown. I love both series so much and consider them my top two sci-fi! 

[brywrites]

Flight Risk IV

Summary: An answer to the age old CM question, “who’s flying the plane?” And the story of a pilot and a profiler. Part IV: In which airplane food is disappointing and the context of a case is heavy.

( Series Masterlist ) ( Previous  |  Next )

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Arthur stands waiting for her outside the jet stairs. “So you’re on speaking terms again?”

She freezes, hands still lifted in the middle of adjusting her cap. “What do you mean?”

Arthur gives half a shrug and begins climbing up into the plane. He’s not one to pry into the lives of other people, but she’s discovered he does make occasional exceptions to this rule. “Simply that you seem much happier to be around Dr. Reid today. Your scowl is gone.”

Her face flushes and she’s grateful he can’t see it as they file into the cockpit. “We talked, yes. I think we’ve reached an understanding.”

Arthur gives a noncommittal, mmmm, and gets to work adjusting Geff’s controls. She does the same, going through routine checks, only to be interrupted by a quiet, “Just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Y/N blinks, then looks down quickly. She doesn’t ask him to elaborate; Captain Dobson isn’t one for sentimental attachments or expressions. The fact that he’s saying this at all speaks volumes. It makes her happy, to know he considers her someone close. The BAU is obviously close-knit, she’s heard them refer to themselves more than once as a “family.” But the two of them, bound by similar schedules and shared challenges, they’re something of that sort too. Perhaps that makes them distant cousins of the FBI.

The team boards the plane, they’re cleared for takeoff, and it’s all smooth flying and blue skies for a solid three hours. They’re both tired, and the thought of being able to go home and sleep in her own comfortable bed lifts her spirits – until the cockpit door slides open and Agent Rossi steps in.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” he says. “We just got word of a case in Houston. Two previous victims and now there’s a kid missing.”

A kid. Oh, god. Rossi looks genuinely apologetic, but Arthur nods.

“We’ll change course immediately.” Rossi murmurs a thank you, then slides the door closed once more, muffling the voices of the other agents, already discussing the case behind them.

Y/N follows all orders, gets in touch with the air traffic controller, telling Indianapolis Center that they’ll be changing directions and heading for Houston. Other than exchanges with ATC and instructions to shift speeds and change controls, they fly in silence. It’s a heavy quiet, weighed both by an acknowledgement that somewhere, something horrible has happened, as well as the fact that they won’t be going home tonight.

It’s harder for Arthur, he has a boyfriend to go home to, people who need him. She has less attachments, but has no desire to spend more time in a small motel once again. Still, things could be worse. It’s important work.

“I think we’ve still got lunches prepared that I could heat up,” she offers. “What do you want – the chicken or the pasta?”

“Pasta,” he replies, without missing a beat.

“You always take the pasta.”

“I’m the captain. When your epaulets have four stripes, you can claim it first.”

“I don’t know why we even bother with the chicken,” she grumbles. “We both hate airplane meat.”

“You know the rules. We can’t have the same meal.”

Y/N carefully clambers to the sliding door. “I know. But honestly, how many planes have gone down as a result of the food?”

“There have been some close calls. Japan Air, 1975, omelets. Overseas National, 1982, tapioca. British Airways, 1984, hors d’oeuvres.” She rolls her eyes, but begrudgingly goes to fetch the saran-wrapped meals. Slipping out of the cockpit, she catches bits and pieces of conversation as the team begins to work. The previous victims were a little older, most in their early and mid-twenties. All women with blonde hair.

“But Caroline Chapman is only twelve,” Morgan adds. “Though she fits the physical type.” Twelve years old. Her stomach turns, and it has nothing to do with the plane. She swallows hard and grabs the meals from the warm tray, hurrying back to the cockpit before she can hear anything else.

Their world is so different from hers. Their work is so heavy. Sometimes, in the silence of the flight, she pretends she’s a commercial pilot, bringing passengers somewhere cheerful. Maybe part of the crew on one of those Make-A-Wish flights.

The pilots eat in silence, then Arthur, sensing she needs a distraction, begins one of their infamous verbal games.

“Fortunately,” begins Arthur, thinking it over, “I’m taking a vacation in Seattle.”

“Unfortunately,” she counters, “climate change has turned Seattle to a frozen wasteland.”

“Fortunately, I’m an Iditarod champion and getting around won’t be an issue.”

“Unfortunately, the number of confused squirrels on the snow is distracting the sled dogs.”

Back and forth they continue, trying to create the most complicated situation until one of them has no counterpoint, or says something so absolutely outlandish they must concede. Sometimes their games can carry on for almost an hour; depending on which one they’re playing. This one finally ends when Arthur claims he’s saved up enough vacation time, and she rebuttals that the BAU has called in an emergency and he has to come fly the plane.

“Ah,” says Arthur, “fortunately Seattle is a frozen wasteland and no planes can take off.”

Y/N admits defeat. They sit in silence, cloud rushing past them. Then she says, “They’re only twelve.”

“I heard,” he says, starting straight ahead at the sky. She shifts in her seat, searching for the words to explain how she’s feeling. Arthur adds, “You can’t think about it too much. That’s their job.”

That’s all he has to say. A few hours later, they touch down just outside of Houston, and the agents file off to SUVs. She and Arthur prepare Geff for his overnight stay at the little airport they’ve landed at, before going off to the hotel. It’s been a long day, and they end up staying at the same one as the team. After a nap, she takes a long hot shower, and they order takeout, exhausted from the long flight.

Dinner arrives at nearly 8 pm; Arthur takes his to his room, and she makes herself comfortable in the lobby. Wet hair thrown up in a bun, a sweatshirt and leggings. That’s the nice thing about traveling. Nobody knows her. She can be anyone in a new city, only to disappear a few days later and leave only faint traces of herself. The sun has nearly disappeared outside the lobby window, when half of the team comes in, looking entirely drained. They head off in different directions, and she’s pleasantly surprised when Reid goes not to his room, but to join her on the hotel lobby couch. Y/N tries not to look too excited.

“You look tired,” she remarks. Holds out the container of pad thai and chopsticks. “Have you eaten yet?”

He politely refuses. “I have, thanks. Besides, I don’t know how to use chopsticks.”

“What? We’re going to have to fix this.” Her joking smile shrinks to one of hesitancy when she asks, “How are you doing?”

Reid shrugs, runs his hand through his long hair. It seems the more stressed he is, the messier it gets, and something makes her want to sit him down and brush her fingers through it until he looks calm.

“We’ve got enough for a partial profile, but that’s it. We still don’t have – I mean, we still can’t find the girl.”

Arthur explicitly warned her not to get involved, not to think about it. And yet, she asks, “So… what does that mean?” She knows enough to realize it’s not good.

Reid purses his lips. “The first hour is the most important. When a stranger abducts a child, it doesn’t always mean they’ll be killed. But of the children who are, almost half die within the first hour. Nearly all of them are killed within the first twenty-four, and we just passed that mark. Hotch, JJ, and Rossi are still out looking, with the CARD team. In five hours, they’ll come back and I’ll go out with Morgan and Kate.”

Kate Callahan is the newest member of their team, a short woman with dark hair and no time for anyone’s crap. She likes the way they look out for each other, making sure they have a chance to rest. But twenty-four hours, it’s such a short timespan. Gone too soon already. What does that mean for Caroline Chapman?

“Are you okay?” Reid asks, tilting his head. His voice is gentle, making it easy to admit to him what she hates to admit to herself.

“This job – it’s different for us, you know? As pilots,” she says. “You’re trained for this. It’s what you know you’ll be doing, going off to fight evil and save lives. I never thought I’d be involved with that. I mean, I like this job, don’t get me wrong. But I love flying. And lately, every time I get a call from work, my heart breaks because I know the only reason I’m going up in the air is because something terrible has happened to someone, and I just don’t know how to reconcile that. Every time I get into that plane, every time we get Geff off the ground, we’re taking you all to danger, and I only get to do what I love because someone else has suffered a tragedy.”

It’s so complicated, to have her great love for the sky tangled up in this mess she feels when the phone rings. It’s fear and it’s anxiety and it’s sorrow – grief for people she will never even meet. And flying back can be just as difficult. A case closing may mean a happy ending, but it also might mean that a victim is dead, or that an unsub – she’s picked up their lingo – is dead. Either way, there has almost always been some sort of loss. Perhaps in the form of innocence or hope or comfort. She can see it when they board before heading home. This job takes things from them. Will a day come when they have nothing left?

“I know it might sound selfish, but it’s just hard for me to understand. And you,” she adds. “I’m always so happy to see you and talk to you, but that only happens when there’s a case. I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way, not when someone’s life is on the line.”

Does it make sense to him? She hopes it does, because otherwise it’s going to sound so self-centered. Of course his job is more emotionally taxing. Of course she’d rather be a pilot than a profiler. But it hurts her heart each time she hears there’s a case. She grieves for them too. And she worries for the team, her team, their team.

He must understand though, because he places one hand over hers, just long enough for her to understand it’s meant as a comforting gesture, and not purely accidental. Reid doesn’t touch many people, she never sees him shake hands with anyone he doesn’t know. Crossing that barrier is a big deal, and that’s what leaves her all the more surprised.

“It’s okay,” he tells her. “It’s okay to feel whatever you feel – about this job, or a case. You don’t have to disconnect from things or stop being affected by them. But you also don’t have to feel guilty about liking your work. You shouldn’t – you’re a great pilot, and a really good person.”

“Thanks, Doctor.”

Reid gives her half a smile, then looks nervously down at the floor. His pulls at his fingers. “You know, maybe we could meet sometime outside of work. That way we can actually talk for a normal amount of time, and we don’t have to worry about anything else.”

“That would be really, really nice.” At that, his smile widens, and she can feel her own mouth mirroring his expression. “Maybe after all this, when we’ve both had enough sleep, we could go get coffee or something? Go to a library?”

Reid’s grin makes his eyes seem less tired, and for a moment it’s so easy to forget the circumstances. “I’d like that.”

[neworderscans]

Full Text Electronic Interview, CFNY FM102.1 "Live In Toronto" with Johnny Marr & Bernard Sumner of ELECTRONIC, Thursday, July 18, 1996 (found here - a very special thanks to the webmaster for painstakingly transcribing it all, and archive.org for saving the old web!)

[Transcriber notes: "Live In Toronto" is a music magazine program on radio station CFNY 102.1 FM in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It is on weeknights from 6:00PM-8:00PM, hosted by Kim Hughes. An audience was also present for this interview Kim had with Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner of ELECTRONIC... This entire interview has been transcribed as closely as possible by myself (and it took a really long time!), therefore, errors and omissions are entirely possible.]

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KIM HUGHES: Welcome back to "Live In Toronto". My name is Kim. The new ELECTRONIC album is out. It's called Raise The Pressure. Of course, ELECTRONIC is Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner. Everyone join me in welcoming them. Thanks for coming.

[Lots of clapping and cheering.]

KIM: Good evening. It's very nice to have you back. As you can see, Toronto is a very pro-ELECTRONIC town... Well, first of all, thanks for coming. Congradulations on the album. It's nice to have the music out. One of the things, I guess with this sort of music, right off the top, is that it takes a long time to make this music. I read a great quote that you said that you a were sort of a 'dictatorship of two'. And I'm wondering, with respect to putting it together and crafting the music, how did it typically come together? I mean, are you just sort of of one mind when you're in a recording, or did you come in with separate things. Sort of take me through it.

JOHNNY MARR: Well, the thing that we most like to do is work together from scratch with no ideas and we just go write what we're gonna do and we help each other out and stuff...

BERNARD SUMNER: We even scratch each other...

JOHNNY: Yeah, you've sort of got to be of one mind when you're going to work together for so long really, otherwise you're in trouble. So it's just the two of us and an engineer and we do it ten, eleven hours a day everyday pretty much. And when it gets too intense, we try and get out of there, have a bit of objectivity of what we do, take a break, and then go back in and do it again.

KIM: When it comes to things like maybe remixes, for instance, some of this material would lend itself obviously to being able to be farmed out for different kinds of remixes and allowing different people to put a new spin on it. Did you feel that sense of, 'Don't want to let it go'? Did you feel a little bit strange about turning it over to someone and seeing what they might come up with?

JOHNNY: Not at all...

BERNARD: Well, the first single off the album is "Forbidden City", and we didn't really feel that lended itself to being remixed, because it's a straight-ahead rock track. And speaking from experience, sometimes in the past when we've released a track like "Regret", for instance, those tracks don't lend themselves that well to remixes. I always thought you put a dance track out, you do a remix of that. But, I don't know, there were some good remixes on the first album...

[Someone's chair squeaks very loudly.]

BERNARD: Is that your wooden leg again?

[Laughter.]

KIM: It's a little squeaky. Just before we get into some music and like we say, we'll get some questions from the audience, you'll allow that within certain British music scenes, as far as dance music is concerned, it's a very rapidly changing thing. I mean, it's a pretty precarious landscape to get into. I mean, today's great thing is sort of yesterday's 808 STATE. There must sort of a sense of wanting to...

[Lots of "Ooh"ing and laughter from everyone.]

KIM: And I mean that... No no, that's not an insult. Don't misread what I have said. I'm saying they're a great band, but there's that sense of always having to be reconfiguring things to the extent of staying on top. I think they were great, and it's too bad now that they don't seem to have been able to reconfigure themselves to an extent that they've been able to stay on the charts. You will admit to that certainly.

BERNARD: Sure, yeah. 'Flavor of the moment'.

KIM: So with that in mind, is that sort of a concern, to a certain extent, because of the track records that you've had, that you'll be spared some of that?

JOHNNY: Well, in regards to dance music, it's really music to listen to at home because not all of our audience want to go out to clubs, but they like dance music. So we were sort of careful to avoid being that kind of 'flavor of the moment' thing. It's like a continuation of the first album, because we just wanted to prove the first album wasn't a one-card trick really.

BERNARD: Yeah, I don't think we appear like a club act neither. There's all different kinds of music on this album. Some of it has got a dance flavor, but, like Johnny says, it's designed to be played at home or in your car. It's not really aimed directly at the clubs, so we're not a mainstream club act. And I think that's allowed...

[Another chair squeak.]

BERNARD: Is that your leg again? It is your leg, isn't it?

[Laughter.]

BERNARD: It's allowed us to be independent of that 'flavor of the month' kind of thing.

KIM: To take it one step further, to my knowledge, at this point you don't have any plans to tour this particular project.

BERNARD: We were talking about it at dinner last night. If these people here in the audience want us to tour, then we'll do it.

[Lots of cheering and clapping.]

BERNARD: Well, I will anyway. What about you Johnny?

[Audience cheers for Johnny.]

JOHNNY: Can you all come over to Manchester?

[Some more cheering and laughter.]

KIM: Why don't we play some music, and stick aound and talk some more and get to some questions from our audience. This is music from ELECTRONIC on 102.1 The Edge...

["Forbidden City"]

KIM: 102.1 The Edge. Music from ELECTRONIC. That's "Forbidden City", the first single taken from the new album, which is called Raise The Pressure. Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner are here from the group, and what we're going to do in a few minutes, we'll talk a little more about this album, play some more music from it, and also defer to our sizable crowd and get some questions as well.

[Commercial break.]

KIM: Thanks for staying tuned. We are speaking about and with ELECTRONIC: Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner are here. And we were talking about Karl Bartos just off the air, the guy from KRAFTWERK, who is not only contributing on this album, but had a hand in some of the songwriting. And I'm not surprised that you might know of him. Did you run into him in NEW ORDER. Was there like a kindred spirit thing?

BERNARD: No, not at all, no. I've got a friend that lives in Berlin. It's a Manchester connection again. He used to live in Manchester. He lives in Berlin, and he's got a record label called MFS, which plays trance music. It's a sort of a monotonous kind of dance music. He knew that I was a big fan of Karl's and a big fan of KRAFTWERK, actually. He knew that we were looking for people to work with so he put the two of us together.

KIM: Are you the kind of guys when it comes to song writing who could write a song forever. You seem like you might. I mean, how do you know when it's finished? How do you know when it's done? When does it feel complete to you?

JOHNNY: Bernard drags me out of the studio and says, "It's finished! It's finished! I don't like it anymore! I want to go home!"

BERNARD: Stop it...

JOHNNY: And I do the same to Bernard, so that's when we know it's done... No, like I said, we try and be objective...

BERNARD: We're obsessed. We're pretty obsessed. We know we're a part of the legacy of the groups that we come from, NEW ORDER and THE SMITHS, and we know that everything that we do will be so put under the microscope by everyone. They just don't just listen to our records, they dissect them. So everything has got to be...I guess we're a bit paranoid about it, and everything's got to be as perfect as it can be.

KIM: But in a way, it is an embarrassment of riches. I mean, it wouldn't be the same if people didn't care so passionately about those groups...if they hadn't felt so very moved spiritually by it, then it wouldn't have been an issue, right?

JOHNNY: It's just the way we are...that people really care about what we do and that when we do any B-side, we spend as much energy as on an A-side, partly because we can, to be honest. We've worked hard at being musicians, we have our own studio, we don't have the record company breathing down our neck for products and stuff. And we can take a long time and get it perfect, and we do, really. There's people from day to day...all our self-worth is tied up in what we do, and that's the truth of it. I think people who follow us know we're not the sort of people who just sort of ????????.

[Laughter.]

BERNARD: Apart from this one occassion.

JOHNNY: First time I've ever been in one! We work underground in our own studio, and it's a very intense situation...and we mean it, you know.

BERNARD: We also actually enjoy writing songs. So we really like it...we like being down there, wittling away at this thing. We like doing this--one of the benefits of spending that amount of time downstairs without any windows, is that when you do get out and meet people like this, you actually enjoy it. We actually enjoy doing the interviews for the first...

KIM: ...10 minutes or so.

JOHNNY: The first 200 of them!

KIM: On that note, just before we play some more music, and I hope you'll stick around a bit, because I'd like to play a fair bit, I'm sure there's lots of people who have really interesting questions as well. So, if we can organize...fire away...

Q1: First of all, I want to say you guys both look very beautiful today.

[Cheering, clapping, and laughter.]

Q1: I just wanted to know how this whole thing got started a few years back, how you met a few years back, how you guys met up?

JOHNNY: We first met up in 1982 when Bernard was producing a record...

Q1: How this project got started.

JOHNNY: This album?

Q1: The first album and this album as well.

BERNARD: We actually met...we knew each other because THE SMITHS and NEW ORDER did a couple of gigs together in Manchester...around England. Actually, I was doing a concert in Berkeley and California with NEW ORDER and I actually met Johnny in the toilet at the gig . I won't tell you what he was doing...

JOHNNY: He said, "Do you want to do it?"

[Laughter.]

BERNARD: Do what? Do what? He said, "You know...me and you, me and you!"

JOHNNY: ...No...

[More laughter.]

BERNARD: Oh, make a record! Right! I'll do that.

JOHNNY: So that's our spiritual home place now. There's a gold disc in there somewhere.

KIM: Thanks a lot. Do we have another question..?

Q2: I just wondered what kind of music you've been listening to these days. If there are any bands that have caught your attention in a big way?

BERNARD: Personally speaking, when you've been working on music for 10 hours a day, you don't want to go home and listen to it. I normally watch a film or read a book. If I do listen to music, I listen to a dance station called KISS. I also listen to classical music, because it's really nothing like the music we're doing. I've just heard a new Patti Smith track called...

JOHNNY: ..."Summer Cannibals"...

BERNARD: "Summer Cannibals". And if I was to listen to a rock record, that's the kind of rock music I like...sort of rhythmic driving sort of stuff.

JOHNNY: I saw VERVE a few years ago, and they were fantastic, and then I saw them again and saw them again. I like Bernard Butler's stuff. Yeah, he's happening...

KIM: I have a question. I had heard that Johnny Greenwood of RADIOHEAD was doing some guitar parts on Bryan Ferry. Do you know if that's true? Are you still in touch with Bryan Ferry?

JOHNNY: It's probably true because Bryan collects guitar players like most people collect guitars. He has a huge collection of guitarists...so I guess so. Bernard Butler played on the new Bryan Ferry stuff as well, so that's interesting.

BERNARD: Did he?

JOHNNY: Yeah, yeah.

KIM: Interesting. I'd like to play some more music now, and we'll organize some more questions if you'll stay for a bit...

JOHNNY: (sarcastically) Oh! We like OASIS as well!

[Laughter and jeering.]

KIM: Here's music from ELECTRONIC. Oooh. On 102.1 The Edge...

["Second Nature"]

KIM: Music from ELECTRONIC on 102.1 The Edge. The new album is out, it's called Raise The Pressure. And we're going to continue speaking with the guys and taking a bunch of audience questions in just a few moments...

[Commercial break.]

KIM: We are back on the program. Thanks for staying tuned. Speaking with Johnny Marr and Bernard Sumner about ELECTRONIC and of ELECTRONIC, and stuff like that. We do have some people who have been waiting really patiently to ask some questions, so take it away...

Q3: This question is for Bernard. What's happening with NEW ORDER nowadays? Is there any plans to make another album in the future?

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: "Well, we haven't split up... But we've got no plans to record together in the forseeable future."

[More laughter.]

BERNARD: You've said that one before!

KIM: Well, I guess we can have the question the other way. We can have your impression of Johnny... That's actually quite good...

BERNARD: "...NO! Nnnnnn..." (grumbling)

[Laughter.]

KIM: Something that I wanted to ask you. There was an album that came out called A Means To An End that was a collection of different people covering JOY DIVISION songs. I don't know if you've heard it. I assume that you had to give some clearance. How did you feel about this sort of latent reverie towards the group? Are you comfortable with that?

BERNARD: The funny thing is that everyone is allowed to do a JOY DIVISION cover except NEW ORDER. If we did it, we'd get our heads cut off by the press. 'Cause we did get approached by the record company asking us to do a cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" but I refused because I didn't want to get crucified on the spot. I was very touched by the gesture.

JOHNNY: We were sort of considering doing "Heat And Soul" live, weren't we?

BERNARD: We were thinking about a track by JOY DIVISION called "Heart And Soul" which we're both really big fans of, and we'd like to do that, yeah... Live, just live.

SOMEONE IN AUDIENCE: In Toronto!

[Laughter.]

KIM: Another question...

Q4: I'd like to ask Bernard, what were your impressions of the Deborah Curtis book? Have you read it, or are you familiar with it?

BERNARD: I have read it, actually. I started reading it and I couldn't put it down. It kept me up all night, you know. I thought it was a really good book, although I did think it was...obviously you're bound to be bitter about something like that and I think that sometimes she did get the wrong end of the stick, she got the wrong angle on something. But I understand that. Yeah, I thought it was very good.

KIM: Go ahead.

Q5: This one's for Johnny. A couple of years ago, Trent Reznor was in an interview in Toronto here, talking about how if he could hire you as a guitarist for the album, he would, but he couldn't afford it. Would you ever consider working on something like that, or is that too far out of your...

SOMEONE IN AUDIENCE: No. You've got too much class!

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: You don't know me!

[More laughter.]

JOHNNY: You know, I'm really happy I found someone that I can write songs with. I look up the period where I did some sessions, and the way I see it is that I got to make some records with some people I really respected, you know, Matt Johnson in particular. But now I want to put all my time and energy into ELECTRONIC, because that's the thing for us. So I'm trying to avoid doing sessions really.

BERNARD: And why is that? And did you make it?

JOHNNY: I did actually...and now...

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: To be honest, as far as sessions go, I've played and sung on the new PET SHOP BOYS album. The PET SHOP BOYS are the only people I play with really. Mostly because if I refused I'd never hear the end of it. I'm not sure about sessions. I don't really know Trent Reznor's stuff very much.

KIM: I think it would be interesting myself. I think he's a really interesting musician. But I want to pick up on something that you said there with respect to ELECTRONIC. If you're saying that this is your focus right now, on this hand, but you're saying that you're not really sure about touring, does this mean that there's a lot of other material that we're going to see coming out in the next little while? Are you anxious to get back in?

JOHNNY: Why we're not sure about touring is that we don't want to do something that means we can't make a record for about another two years. We really want to play, we like playing, we like the hour and a half on stage, we like seeing everybody, and we like the sort of gesture of 'look, we've come here, we want to play', but we just got ourselves now into a position where we're free to do another ELECTRONIC record, is that right?

BERNARD: Yeah, that's right. You know, maybe we can ask these people what would you prefer. Would you prefer a new record or would you prefer to see us play live?

LOTS OF PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE: Both!

BERNARD: Well, we'll do a live record...

[Laughter.]

KIM: If you're just joining us here, we're speaking with John Marr and Bernard Sumner from ELECTRONIC, and we're going to play some more music in a moment. Other questions? Please...

Q5: This one's for Bernard. I was just wondering, your music has changed a lot in the last 20 years, and I was wondering what changes in your life might have been reflected in that?

BERNARD: Well, yeah, I mean, hopefully the purpose in life is to straighten the deep end and to make yourself happier as you go along in life. You know, everything you do, you go to school, you go to work, it's to make yourself happier and I've achieved that, and that's reflected in my music. My music's now optimistic, happy, 'up' music, and in the days when I was in JOY DIVISION, before I had achieved anything... I mean, hopefully, the best music reflects truthfully my personality...and I'm pretty happy, pretty happy these days...

KIM: Has fatherhood had an imapct on life?

BERNARD: Um...yeah, well of course it has...yeah, yeah...

KIM: Why don't we play another track from the record? And then perhaps we'll take a few more questions and let you get some dinner.

JOHNNY: Well, yeah, okay. I'm enjoying answering questions to be honest...

BERNARD: You know what's really good... After all this time, we're in the studio, we're making the record, and then we spend a lot of time promoting. We talk to the journalists, it's really good to talk to people...directly.

KIM: Okay, we'll do it again in a minute. I just want to play some music here for those who aren't with us in the studio who might enjoy the music, so let's do that. This is ELECTRONIC on 102.1 The Edge...

["One Day"]

KIM: Toronto's New Rock 102.1 The Edge. Music from ELECTRONIC taken from the album Raise The Pressure. We're just speaking with Bernard and Johnny from the group, and actually, we were letting it go to the people who have bought the records and the concert tickets over all these years. And I'm sure that you would agree, certainly you Bernard, having played here a number of times, that Toronto is sort of a microcosm in North America in a way, particularly when it comes to English groups. They can always do so incredibly well here and their music seems to be appreciated so much...I mean I know how this sounds, but it's sort of true. I mean, you'll sell more records here per capita I think than almost anywhere else really.

BERNARD: Yeah, I was just saying to Johnny at the end, just before the record was playing, on the first album release, we didn't really come to Toronto, and I was just wondering why we didn't do it, 'cause we just get such great response from people here. And I've always had great gigs here with NEW ORDER, really good everytime, really enjoyed it.

KIM: And you've played a lot of different venues here over the years, I know for a fact you have!

BERNARD: Yeah! I like that...what's that game you play over here...

KIM: Baseball..?

BERNARD: Baseball, yeah. Was going to say cricket there...

[Laughter.]

BERNARD: That baseball stadium, that's a great place.

KIM: You've played Varsity Arena, or Varsity Stadium...

BERNARD: Yeah, really good...

KIM: Kingswood...um...CNE Grandstand...Kingswood... Anyways, back to the crowd. Questions for Johnny and Bernard...

Q6: This is directed to Johnny Marr. This is a million dollar question. It said in Select Magazine that, I guess this was last year, that you might in time maybe get together with Morrissey...

[Groaning from the audience.]

JOHNNY: Sometime...

Q6: I know it's bad, but...

JOHNNY: Only this morning, I saw the most incredible cloud formation.

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: It looked like a bird...

[A long silence, followed by laughter from the audience...]

SOMEONE IN AUDIENCE: Good answer!

JOHNNY: Well, to be serious...

BERNARD: He's going to get his gun, Johnny, he's going to get his gun...

JOHNNY: To be serious, what it is...we don't have any plans to work together. I mean, that's the truth of it. And in the press, often, my true feelings don't really quite translate and, you know, I don't have any weirdness or weird feelings towards THE SMITHS or anything. I'm very very proud of everything we've done. But, see, this is what matters to me at the moment. And that's the end of it.

KIM: Okay. Any other questions, please go ahead.

Q7: This is for Johnny also. You've worked with THE THE on two of their records, but you weren't on the latest one. I wondering if you planned to do anymore work with Matt Johnson at all.

JOHNNY: I'd like to think that Matt and I could work together in the future. And, uh...I don't know, I have no idea... I feel that with THE THE, I did some really great work, and I was really pleased to be involved. The album Dusk I was particularly happy with, and I saw Matt pretty recently and I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago and he's working on a new record. And we still ring each other up and give each other a lot of encouragement, so that's cool. He's really happy for me doing what I'm doing, and I'm happy for him doing what he's doing, so...maybe.

KIM: Okay. Um...take one or two more.

Q8: Yeah, this is for Johnny. Um...

[Laughter.]

Q8: ...Again...

JOHNNY: I get all the hard ones.

BERNARD: What's that T-shirt you got on there..?

[More laughter.]

Q8: I just like to say I feel like...of British rock legends, I feel like I'm talking to one of the disciples of Jesus...

JOHNNY: Thank you very much...

SOMEONE IN AUDEINCE: Two of them!

JOHNNY: Cheers, thanks!

[Bernard laughs. The audience cheers.]

Q8: Yeah, two of them... But speaking to Johnny, you said that you met Bernard in 1982 and I was wondering if maybe THE SMITHS might have had some...break up because of the two of you wanting to collaborate and wanting to give us new music...

[Increasing laughter from the audience.]

BERNARD: (laughing) It's nothing to do with me!

[Even more laughing.]

BERNARD: Oh, it's my fault! What have I gotten myself involved in, eh..?

JOHNNY: Absolutely true! 100% true! He said to me, "You know, that stuff sounds really miserable, come down to disco."

[More laughter.]

JOHNNY: "Take some ecstacy."

[More laughter.]

JOHNNY: "...and you'll feel really good." And you know, he was right.

BERNARD: Get down with it...

JOHNNY: No, no. The split...I've never...it was nothing to do with any external forces really. It was just to do with my feelings about what we've become as people and particularly myself, and it was very very unhealthy, and I just felt a sense that something very tragic was going to happen any minute, and so before it did, I just got out of there. And I thought it was the healthiest thing for the four of us if that was to happen.

KIM: With that in mind, you've both been around long enough to have seen...what's the most outrageous thing you've ever read about yourself?

JOHNNY: I try not to read anything about myself to be honest.

BERNARD: A journalist said that the album took so long because you were in rehab.

JOHNNY: Oh yeah, that's right...which is pretty bizarre. That actually quite surprised me when he said that. But it actually makes me sound more interesting than I am really. So I said, "Continue with the rumor, you know...it's fine." I think there's been some wild ones. I just put them out of my mind if I read anything that I don't really think is truth.

KIM: Okay. We'll take one final question and...uh...two final questions...quick, very quick...

JOHNNY: Someone ask Bernard a hard one.

KIM: Go ahead, please...

Q9: This one's not for Bernard, it's for Johnny. But...

[Laughter.]

BERNARD: Please ask me a question...

Q9: But before I say...I just want to say that you both have really distinct styles, and when you come together, you're mixing two incredible styles and I think ELECTRONIC's a great project. My question to you, Johnny, is what ever happened to the Ian McCulloch work that you guys did...that stolen record or whatever..?

JOHNNY: Yeah, that was really bizarre. You're the first person to ask me that question... And even Ian didn't ask me that question.

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: I told him that it's in the post. He needed to make a record and he was trying to sort of find his feet. We were introduced by a mutual friend of ours and I wrote some songs for him, and a couple of them I think ended up on the ELECTROFIXATION record. And what's really bizarre, I sent the tapes over to Liverpool, and they got stolen...which is amazing...

[Laughter.]

JOHNNY: No, I don't mean that. But, that's Liverpool for you.

BERNARD: You'd expect it if you come from Liverpool where that sort of thing happens all the time.

JOHNNY: It does, yeah.

Q10: I was wondering why the absence of lyrics on the CD's, and especially for NEW ORDER, why the absence.

BERNARD: Well, actually, on this album, I wanted to put my lyrics on the cover but Johnny wouldn't let me.

[Snickering.]

BERNARD: No, the graphic designer wouldn't let me because he wanted a nice clean product. It's quite good if you listen to an album and you interpret the lyrics. And even if you get lyrics that I haven't written, and you change them a bit, I think it's quite interesting. I don't know...I don't know. Writing lyrics is kind of like exposing yourself to the world and it's like showing people what you think inside your mind. And I guess to go one stage further I feel a little uncomfortable with actually putting it on the cover of the album and everyone can read precisely what I'm saying. I feel a little bit uncomfortable with that as a person, but hey, that's me.

KIM: Well, on that note, this has been about the most fun 45 minutes I've had the pleasure of spending in a long time...

[Lots of cheering.]

JOHNNY: And same for us too as well actually.

KIM: I just want to thank you guys and everyone who came out. It made it so much more fun. It's really been a pleasure having you. I wish you the best of success with the album. Please consider touring and more albums soon. Thank you. Here's music from ELECTRONIC on 102.1 The Edge...

["For You"]

Broadcast on CFNY 102.1 FM (Toronto) on "Live In Toronto" - Thursday, July 18, 1996.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 12: Win Some, Lose Some Co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Part 1

Summary: After 2 years of being at the resort Ari and the other agents are gearing up for yet another mission, but there’s a little bit of trouble in paradise for him and Hannah…

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+ only)

Pairings: Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Song for Episode:  More Than A Woman- Bee Gees  https://youtu.be/DtxBUp6hBaI

A/N: So there’s a little jump in time in this chapter as we fast forward towards the big dramatic end to their time at the RSDR….   Translation: Vete a la mierda = Fuck off.

Series Master List //  Main Masterlist 

Here in your arms I found my paradise, my only chance for happiness. And if I lose you now I think I would die. Oh say you'll always be my baby, we can make it shine. We can take forever, just a minute at a time

March 1982

Ari felt it the moment he woke up that morning. Even before stirring or cracking an eye open he knew the pressure on his left cheek was Simon. After almost two years the pooch still insisted on sleeping on the bed with them, crawling his way up between him and Hannah the moment they fell asleep and ending up on Ari's face sometime during the night. So by now, after many a mistake so to speak, Ari knew all too well what he was feeling wasn't Hannah looking for early morning cuddles but Simon's fat butt. 

Ari groaned and shoved Simon away causing the dog to give a little growl and grunt of his own being as he was on the most comfortable pillow ever. Some things never change Ari thought as he stirred lightly and rubbed his eyes, unable to avoid a lazy smile when he realised what day it was.

 It was the morning of his and Hannah's second anniversary and though the news about the clampdown and heavy military presence on the streets had screwed his plans to take his Firefly into Port Sudan again, like he had done the previous year, he was still going to make sure they celebrated.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't a bit pissed about his plans going awry but at the same time he had to admit the last two years had been the best years of his life and that called for any kind of celebration they could get, be that in Port Sudan or in a fucking dump. Or a dump turned into a flourishing hotel for that matter. It was crazy how they had gotten used to life at the resort two years after that afternoon when he had made the call to turn their cover hiding hole into a real hotel. Their alter egos didn't feel false anymore, and he was as much Guy now as Ari. Mind you, Hannah sometimes called him Guy or Mr. Thomas, often with a fake accent to imitate Colonel Madibo to tease him.

He gave a contented sigh at the thought of his and his Firefly’s relationship which could only be described in one word, amazing. It was as normal as it could be given the circumstances and they had both built something solid out of their feelings for each other once they had admitted to them, that was undeniably true regardless of the true nature of their stay in that slice of paradise along the Red Sea. They argued, that was equally true, and they had disagreements mostly about silly little things which was to be expected in a long-term relationship, but nothing major that they couldn’t figure out at the end of the day. Hannah had moved into his hut a little over two months after her birthday when Ari had jokingly asked her to move in with him. She had laughed but done it anyway as it was the closest they could get to living effectively together, and now here they were, two years of being together nearly 24/7, except for the mandatory week of home leave. It didn’t escape either of their notice that it was more than the time she had been married to Andy and now that he thought about it, it was probably more time than Ari had spent with Sarah in the entire 7 years they were married for that matter. 

Speaking of his family life, Ari was still exchanging regular letters with Maya and on his visits to Tel Aviv he had grown even closer to his daughter than he could ever have hoped to. He was on fairly good terms with Sarah too, although that had gone through a bit of a rocky patch. The first visit home he’d had following the time Sarah had accosted Hannah, they’d had quite a heated argument when he had told his estranged wife that she was out of order to do what she had done. In a blaze of bitter anger, Sarah had accused him of all sorts, including the usual about him loving his job and his new woman more than his daughter, which had culminated in Ari snapping. He’d loudly informed his ex-wife that this was to be his last field mission, and that he was leaving it behind for Maya, not Hannah or anyone else for that matter. And the little petulant brat inside him had enjoyed the complete shock on Sarah's face as well as the mumbled apology she had given him once his words had sunk in.

All in all, everything seemed to be finally falling into place and the fact that Mama Navon had invited him for lunch during that same week’s leave, having obviously been informed by Ethan that he would be around that week, was an added bonus. He had always had a smooth relationship with Maria Navon but they both knew she was not merely his best friend's mother anymore. The fact that she had invited him to come over without Sammy or Hannah being there too spoke for itself. They’d had a heartfelt conversation over the best Sunday roast he had eaten in months, probably even years, where he had come clean about his feelings for Hannah and his intentions towards her. It had been easier than he had anticipated, he had never been a man who liked or found it easy to speak about his feelings, but for whatever reason, when it came to talk about Hannah and what he felt for her, it just flowed out smoothly and Mama Navon had read that in the soft smile and the sparkle in his honest blue eyes when he explained how they had got back together and he assured her he had no intentions of breaking her heart a second time.

No, it wasn’t a “normal” life by any stretch, but it was good. He was doing something to help people and he was doing it with the person he had always loved. They had successful mission after successful mission over the past two years and the team had assembled as perfectly as Ari could have ever envisioned when he had written those five names down before handing the piece of paper to a reluctant Ethan. Hundreds of refugees had been smuggled to Israel and it was set to be another couple of hundred more in a couple of days. That said, given the way things were going with the religious and political landscape in Sudan, he wasn’t sure how much longer they had. A few months, maybe 6 at a push. It wasn’t a particularly comforting thought, as they still had so many people to help, but in the same breath Ari knew he had to be realistic. They couldn’t do this forever, they’d always known that. All they could do was their best, and the best was to simply go as long as they could, saving as many refugees as they could in the time they had.

And when they finally did have to quit, and Ari said goodbye to a life in the field, the fact he was doing that with his Firefly by his side made a future behind a desk in Tel Aviv seem that little less frightening.

Ari was dragged back from his wandering reflections by Simon who had jumped off the bed and was now scratching at the door. He looked at the dog and groaned as he swung his legs out of bed.  "All right, I get it, just don't tear the door down." he whispered to the anxious animal before he walked  to the door and  opened it to let the mutt out for his usual morning pee and wander round the beach, mumbling as Simon trotted past. "Tell you what pal, when we do leave I'll be waving goodbye as you fade into the distance..."

"I heard that Ari, you little shit." Hannah's sleepy voice suddenly rang through the hut's space.

"He’s the little shit Firefly." he stated somewhat childishly, turning to look at his girl as he shut the door.

"Stop being mean to him." she said as she rolled on her back, yawning, her eyes not even open yet.

"He insists on sleeping with his butt on my face. That's what I call mean." Ari protested as he slid back into bed, reaching for his girl, holding her flush against him.

Guided by Ari, Hannah rolled onto her side again, snuggling against his chest, eyes still closed as she smirked.

"That's because your face is so pretty mi Lobo."

"Yeah? Well, in that case why don’t you sleep on it?" he purred, his voice an octave lower than usual.

Hannah cracked an eye open at that and looked up at him "Something tells me if I was on your face I wouldn't be sleeping."

Ari chuckled, dropping his face closer to hers, brushing their noses together as he drawled. "You’re right Firefly. You’d be seeing stars." 

"You have a very high opinion of yourself Mr Thomas." she said, smiling against his beard so that Ari could feel the vibrations of her voice as she tilted her pelvis up to meet his.

"Wanna bet?" he challenged her, his voice almost a groan.

"What’s the cost if I lose?" she asked as she brought her right hand to his face to stroke his cheek.

Ari paused for a moment. So you want to play Firefly , and then smirked as it came to him- the perfect forfeit. "You have to lead the aerobics classes,  not Rachel." he stated as he wriggled his eyebrows playfully at her, knowing she would loathe the idea of having to wear that leotard Ari so loved seeing on her. 

Yeah, having a leotard kink when you spent half of the day surrounded by women in swim gear was kinda odd when he thought about it, but anyway…

Hannah glared at him before blurting out. "Oh, fuck off Ari! No deal."

"So you don't want my face between your legs?" he asked innocently.

 "Fuck you. I hate you." Hannah groaned.

"No you don't..." he purred as he kissed her neck "...you love me..."

And that was it. He knew it the moment Hannah closed her eyes as he gently guided her onto her back and kissed his way down her body.

"Times like this I wonder why..." she sighed out, her hand fisting in his hair which made Ari pause at her belly before peeking up at her.

"Yeah, protest all you want but you love it, you just hate losing. And you’re gonna lose Firefly." 

*******

An hour later, after having breakfast with the team, Hannah was at the front of the group of guests, clad in the infamous leotard leading the class as Jake leaned on counter watching. It wasn't too long until Ari walked over and spotted him. "You, out. Now." he barked, glaring at him.

"What? Why?" Jake protested.

"Because you’re a pervert. Out." Ari ordered him as he gestured to the way out with his right thumb.

"That's so not fair." Jake tried to fight back as he straightened himself. "You never kick me out when Rachel is leading the class."

"That’s because you're never here when Rachel leads the class. Out!" he hissed, trying not to make a scene in front of the tourists. “I won’t tell you again.”

At that point Sammy walked in and came to the desk, frowning. "Where’s Rach? Why is Hannah running the aerobics?"

Ari shrugged and glared at Jake when he snorted on his way out. At that point Rachel came out of the office holding some papers.

"I’m here and apparently Rosa lost a bet." she explained to Sammy who was looking at her puzzled. It took him a second before he groaned.

 "I don't wanna know do I?" he asked as he squinted his eyes at Ari.

"Nope." Ari smirked as he stole a glance at Hannah who was now stretching and bending forward.

"Come on, you two are disgusting." Sammy groaned.

"Ok, that’s it. Everyone out. You too Ari. You never come to my classes, you’re not staying for this one either." Rachel cut them off.

"I’d come to your classes…if you’d let me." Sammy pouted. 

"Oh, come on. You two are disgusting." Ari repeated Sammy's words, mimicking his voice. 

"Ha! You coming Sammy is exactly why she won’t let you." Jake quipped.

"Weren't you gone?" Sammy spluttered, spinning round to face him "Fuck you both." 

Ari couldn't help but laugh at his friend's signature reaction. It had been well over 18 months since Sammy and Rachel had come out as being together but Ari knew he still hated everyone teasing him about it, but he couldn't help it. It was fun and, in a way, it was payback for all the time Sammy had spent holding a grudge against him and Hannah. That said, Rachel was the best influence they all could have wished for. Not only was Sammy far ess grumpy and tense all the time but he was also more willing to enjoy any treat life at the resort had to offer without thinking too much about it. 

"Ok, enough, I said, out...go on." Rachel insisted, shoving Ari on the shoulder.

"Hey, remind me…who's the boss round here?" Ari raised an eyebrow at her.

"It’s me when y’all start acting like pre-schoolers or horny teenagers. And honestly that happens far too often for my liking." Rachel simply stated as she held a stapler and menacingly pointed at each one of them with it. 

And with that the 3 of them made to leave, just as Max appeared from the kitchen with a snack, Simon following him hoping for food.  He looked at the three of them in turn, and then at Rachel, who pointed sending him out too so with a shrug he followed suit. The 3 men passed the front row of the group and Hannah glanced in their direction and Ari grinned at her as he left. Her eyes were positively shooting daggers at him and if looks could kill he’d be dead on the spot. But he would be a corpse with a semi boner having seen her the way she was. So just as he exited the main area, he peeled off his t-shirt and started running directly into the sea without much of a word to the rest who were now staring puzzled.

"I’d swear I can see steam coming from him." Max cuckled and Jake started singing quietly.

"Gimme some hot stuff baby this evening..." as he moved his hips suggestively causing Max to start howling so loud that the sound drowned Sammy's groans.

 "Watch out for the fish, man!" Max howled at Ari just before he flipped them off over his shoulders, which didn't stop Max from teasing him again "They’ll think you’re happy to see them."

"That’s gross." Sammy glared at them, who were both bent with laughter.

"What's more gross…” asked Max. "Us or the fact he's boning your sister?" 

"You had to say it." Sammy groaned again. "I’m done with you two."

"I wouldn’t describe boning Red as gross." Jake, who was now wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, quipped.

"Fucking fuck you." Sammy snapped at him.

“Ok, ok keep your pants on!” Max chuckled.

"Yeah, come on man, it’s us that aren’t getting any." Jake whined in an attempt to appease Sammy.

"Try fucking each other then." Sammy bit back, still pissed. Max looked at Jake, giving a shudder.

"I’d rather fuck the dog."

At that Jake slapped him on the back of the head "Asshole." 

Sammy snorted and turned to leave, crossing paths with Simon who had spotted daddy Ari in the water and was now trotting towards the sea. "I'd stay away from Max, pooch." Sammy said seriously. Simon just looked at him, before barking and continuing on his way.

As he approached Max, he grinned “No food pal, sorry." but the dog completely ignored him and started running towards Ari who had now come out of the water and approaching them.

"That was fast.”  Jake jabbed at him.

"I just needed to cool off.” Ari shrugged

"Yeah, well, I hope you last longer with Red." Jake smirked at him.

“Don’t hear her complaining." Max told Jake with a grin. “Quite the opposite actually.”

"Ok seriously, shut the fuck up." Ari growled at them as they began to snigger.With a glare he started walking towards his hut, but Ari knew them too well, especially how things were when the two of them teamed up, and he fully understood they wouldn't be willing to let him off the hook that easily so he prepared for one last quip which came from Jake.

"Still wanna hear about that bet she lost." he shouted at Ari's retreating back.

"You wish." Ari yelled back.

"I knew it. You’re my hero, man." Max howled.

Ari didn't look back at Max, he just smirked to himself. Of course Max would get it, he always did. "Yup." he shouted instead, popping the p, as he passed a group of female tourists on the way.

 "Ladies." he greeted them with his signature cocky but friendly smile, which made them giggle and start whispering to each other as they passed him by.

"Seriously, how does he do it?" Jake gasped as they watched the group of women all pause to watch Ari as he walked up the sand.

"Animal magnetism." Max shrugged. "And I don't mean the fact he has Simon running at his heels."

*****

After a refreshing shower, more refreshing than he actually needed as he had changed his usual morning run for other activities that morning, Ari changed into a pair of fresh shorts and a light blue shirt. He was just about to leave hut as Hannah arrived back wearing that damned leotard, causing him to flash his signature wicked smirk at her.

"Don't even think about it. I'm pissed at you, Levinson." she warned him as she passed him by, trying her best not to surrender to that damned smirk of his.

"Oh, I'm thinking IT firefly." Ari laughed as he smacked her butt, causing her to yelp in surprise, and leaving her to shower and change clothes. He went to the main building to sort the arrangements for the call to Ethan later in the day about the last details on the mission and then just spent some time being Guy Thomas. The batch of tourist currently at the resort were leaving the day after next so he chatted with them for a while, ensuring they had enjoyed their stay and would recommend the resort to their family and friends back home. Satisfied real guests were as important as the ones whose number hung from hooks on the board at the reception desk as without them, their cover would be blown.

He was still chatting to the guests when Hannah came into the main dining area, her eyes roaming the room for him and she rolled her eyes when she spotted him being charming Guy, smiling softly as the ladies fawned all around him reminding her of herself when she was a teenager with a crush on her older brother's best friend.

Cliché much.

But those memories weren't the only ones that flashed across her mind. She had been feeling quite homesick lately but as she stood there watching Ari, she began to feel especially down. So, she took a dep breath and decided that baking her Mama’s banana and date loaf, which had been at the back of her mind ever since she had spotted some days before that Chef Aziz had a basket of fresh dates, was just the ticket to cheer herself up.

Of course, Ari had also spotted Hannah the moment she had entered the room, how could he not?  But he hadn't noticed her leave and, after giving the ladies some recommendations as to what to buy in the souk at Port Sudan the following day, he turned around looking for her but she was nowhere to be seen. He wandered off to go find her bumping into Rachel in the reception area who told him she had seen Hannah last heading to the kitchen, which was exactly where Ari found her.

"You ok?" he asked softly from the kitchen's threshold.

Hannah raised her head and turned to look at him for an instant before her eyes were on the dough she was working on again. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You just disappeared." he drawled, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned on the doorframe.

Hannah shrugged. "I have more important things to say than watch you flirt, Mr Thomas."

"I wasn’t flirting..." Ari protested immediately and she once more looked at him. "Ok, maybe I was. A little."

"Satisfied guests, uh?" she teased.

"Well, need to keep the tourists happy, Han..." he conceded playfully.

"So I assume they’re happy enough and that’s why you’re here instead of with them now?" 

She was smiling though he couldn't see it. All he could see was the way her ass cheeks were contracting every time she exerted force on the dough.

"That and the fact I wondered where you'd gotten to." he managed to say, after swallowing, his eyes moving back up her body.

"You missed me Mr Thomas? Who’d have thought?" she teased once more.

Ari rolled his eyes and approached her from behind.  "Stop being a brat Firefly."

"I’m not being a brat, Ari and stop rolling your eyes at me." she scoffed, her tone hardened this time. "I can't see you but I know you just did."

Ari stopped behind her and cocked his head to one side and frowned. Despite her casual tone she wasn’t being as playful as normal "Han...what's wrong? You're not really pissed at me for talking to those girls, are you? Because I'm not interested..."

She sighed. "I know, Ari. It’s just... not today."

Now he was really puzzled. "Hey, come on Firefly, talk to me...what is it?" He asked, as his hands landed cautiously on her hips.

"Nothing really, it’s just I’m a bit homesick today." She said, not wanting to react to Ari's touch.

Ari sighed noticing the stiffness of her body and the sadness in her voice "Oh, baby come here." he said, gripping her hips and turning her around to hug her. And as he wrapped his arms around her back, his chin rubbing against the top of her head, he noticed the ingredients on the side for the first time and he let out a groan "You making... no...  you're not?"

Hannah grinned and looked up at him. "I am."

"That's my favourite thing your mama makes" he groaned.

"I know baby." she gazed at his eyes, in the hope that he realised why he was baking that particular treat.

"So...are you making it because you're homesick or because it's our 2 year anniversary?" he asked, winking an eye at her.

She beamed at him, her grin now reaching her eyes. "You remembered?"

"Of course I did!" he said, holding her tighter, before pausing. "Wait...did you think I'd forgotten?"

Hannah felt her cheeks went red with embarrassment . "Yeah, I did."

"Han..." Ari started as he shook his head, chuckling. "2 years ago we got our second chance. Like I'd ever forget that."

She bit her lip. "I’m sorry it’s just you never mentioned us going to Port Sudan like last year and I assumed..."

"Baby, we can't. I wanted to take you, I really did  but, with the talk of stuff going on in the cities, the whole clamp down and Sharia law that’s coming in, well, we're not married so..." he shook  his head again sadly. "It's not possible or even worth the risk. You understand that?"

“No, I know. You’re right." he sighed. "God, I feel stupid now."

He chuckled as he swayed her in his arms. "That doesn't mean I haven't got anything planned."

She grinned at him, playing with the upper buttons of his shirt. "Do you have something planned?"

"Well I could tell you...but then I'd have to kill you." he drawled.

"Rude Levinson."  she scoffed, pushing his chest as she turned around back to her baking station. "For that you’re not getting a single ounce of this loaf I’m making."

Ari laughed heartily, wrapping his arms round her from behind again and kissing her neck. "Don't be like that firefly."

"Like what? You don’t wanna tell me what you’re planning but I’m more than happy to tell you what I am planning. Which is not letting you eat any of this fucking delicious banana and date loaf."

He chuckled again. "You really want me to spoil the surprise honey?” Hannah smiled and this time he could see her doing it from the corner of his eye. "No. I’m just teasing you."

"What else is new?" he said as he pushed his groin against her from behind, his lips soft on her neck.

"Stop teasing me Lobo or you won’t get any and now I’m not talking about the loaf." she threatened, raising the rolling pin at him.

"Ok, ok." he chuckled and he kissed her cheek again. "You win." And at that she turned to look at him.

"What else is new?" she asked as she winked at him.

"Shall I remind you of the leotard you were sporting just this morning?" he raised an eyebrow at her and Hannah gasped, narrowing her eyes.

"Vete a la mierda." she grumbled and Ari snorted.

"Ok, I don’t know what that means but I’m assuming it’s not I love you Ari, you’re the love of my life."

"You assume correctly, Lobo."

"All right" he said, raising his hands up. "I surrender. I’m gonna go..." and he started walking backwards "...talk with some..." now a side smile on his face "...lady tourists. Keep them satisfied you know."

Hannah smirked. "You do that. Maybe I'll go talk to that group of boys that Jake took out diving before. They seemed nice." 

Instead of falling for her trap Ari merely shrugged. "Talk to them as much as you want as long as you remember you’re mine." And with that he cocked an eyebrow, giving her a stern look and turned to leave, smug smirk on his face, his hand running through his hair. 

Bastard, Hannah thought as she resumed her work.

**** Later that day, after having called HQ to fill Ethan in on the last details of the upcoming mission and a bit of an argument about the change in rendez-vous point at such short notice, Ari was sat outside in the sun with Rachel and Sammy. He was trying to relax, he was always on edge the days before a mission and having to call Ethan was always a task he wasn't overly fond of. Not because of the man, Ari had learnt how to deal with him over the years the same way Ethan had learnt how to put up with Ari's attitude which caused him the biggest migraines a boss could ever endure. The thing that stressed Ari the most about those calls was the fact that he had to sneak from the tourists and staff, away from prying ears and hope communication was cooperating. And that day in particular the resort was overflowing with people everywhere he went so the office was out of the question and the huts didn't seen secluded enough to him, so he had had no option but to drive a few miles into the desert and set the radio in the back of the jeep connecting it to the car's aerial. 

Thankfully it had worked and an hour or so later he was back and had settled in the same spot he was in now,  drinking a beer and trying to ease his mind as he had another secret mission to perform in a few hours, one that got him equally anxious but in a different way.  He looked at Sammy and Rachel and saw Sammy's arm resting around her shoulders, gently rubbing her arm. It was good to see them like that for once. Unlike him and Hannah, Rachel and Sammy didn't feel very comfortable with PDA and they kept it to a minimum which had meant it was only after months of being together that Max and Jake had found out there was another couple within the resort management team.

Ari was so lost in his thoughts that he inadvertently gave out a big sigh earning an amused look from Rachel.

"I take it you’re still planning on not joining us for dinner tonight?" she asked.

Sammy frowned. "What? Where you going?"

"I’m taking Hannah for a picnic. It’s a surprise so don’t tell her Sammy." Ari warned his friend, pointing at him with his beer bottle.

Sammy rolled his eyes. "Soppy bastard."

"Leave him alone, he wants to celebrate properly." Rachel defended Ari.

"You’re celebrating something?" Sammy asked again, puzzled. It wasn't anyone's birthday, not that he recalled.

"You could say that." Ari grinned at him.

Sammy frowned, not following his friend, and Rachel chuckled. "It's two years today since he and Hannah got back together."

 At that Sammy opened his eyes wide. "Already?"

Ari nodded. "Time flies, huh?"

"Yeah..." Sammy agreed, nodding absentmindedly. "Feels like only yesterday I punched you in your perfect teeth."

"You’re still calling that a punch?" Ari snorted.

"Don’t make me do it again you smug bastard." 

"Wouldn’t dream of it pal." Ari conceded, raising his hands in mock surrender.

Sammy smiled at him. "I guess congratulations are in order then."

Ari smirked wickedly, making Rachel raise an eyebrow at him, before speaking. "Save it for the proposal..."

And there it was, Rachel thought. He had got Sammy again, he always did, who was now choking on his drink as Ari bursted out laughing. 

"You’re a shit Levinson." Sammy growled, wiping the spilled drink off his chin.

"Funnily enough that's exactly what your sister says too." Ari smirked again, raising his beer in a mock toast before gulping it down and standing up, heading back to his hut.

Hannah was in the shower after having been on a dive later that afternoon with Jake and Max, so Ari quickly changed and when she emerged she smiled at him, taking in his navy shorts and casually smart green button down.

“Hey.” She took the kiss he offered and he pulled back, smiling.

“So, tonight we’re having a night ‘out’ at the resort” he told her and she frowned, her expression puzzled. But he didn’t go into any more detail. “Just be ready in half an hour.”

With that he disappeared off to set up his surprise. With a little help from Aziz, who’d packed the food for him, and Rachel who’d managed to get him everything else he wanted, he quickly laid everything out and headed back to find Hannah was putting the last touches to her hair, pulling it back into a loose braid. She was dressed in a pale blue sun-dress which pulled in at the waist, falling to her knees, thin spaghetti straps resting on her sun-kissed skin.

“You look beautiful.” He smiled as she stood up.

“Thanks.” She said, that adorable flush evident in her cheek and he held out his hand.

“Come on Firefly.”

He led her to their cave but as they approached he tugged her in front of him, his hands gently moving to cover her eyes.

“Ari!” she protested as he chuckled, walking them forward

“Just humour me okay?” he whispered, his lips brushing her cheek. Once she was positioned in the mouth of the cave he moved his hands and Hannah blinked, looking around. On the floor of the cave was a rattan blanket, which held a picnic hamper in the middle, and various candles were lit as they nestled in the many little nooks and crannies of the rock that formed their cave. Hannah felt the tears in her eyes at the thoughtfulness and she turned to look at Ari.

“Ari..” she whispered and he blinked before he realised they were happy tears.

“I just wanted to do something special.” He shrugged, “seeing as we couldn’t go anywhere.”

“It’s perfect.” She assured him, standing on her toes to give him a soft kiss.

They settled down next to each other, Hannah tucking her legs underneath her as Ari poured her a glass of wine and the two of them began unpacking their food. Before long they were tucking in with gusto, laughing and joking as they always did, the light starting to fade outside as the sun dipped beneath the horizon, Simon led at the mouth of the cave, napping. It was quiet, romantic, and they could have been anywhere as they sat and simply enjoyed being with one another as the night passed them by.

“Shit.” Ari sighed as he tipped the last of the wine into Hannah’s glass “We drank it all.”

“You only bought 2 bottles?” Hannah teased and gave her a look as she giggled.

“I’m sorry.” He said sarcastically causing her to laugh.

“Don’t pout Mi Lobo.” She set her glass down and shuffled over to him

“Ya know, my feelings are pretty hurt.” He muttered as she pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah?” she asked, her lips now making their way down to his jaw line.

“Yup…” he sighed, eyes closing as she brushed over the whiskers on his face, his breath hitching as she reached his neck.

“Feel better now?”

“Not quite…”

“How about now?” Hannah asked, her teeth grazing his ear lobe.

“Gettin’ there.” Ari mumbled, turning his head, his mouth finding hers. The kiss was deep, their tongues sliding effortlessly together as Hannah let out a little whimper, a noise Ari would never, ever tire of hearing.

Pulling away he ran his nose up her throat to her chin, nudging her head back a little and Hannah’s weight fell backwards onto her arms, her palms burying into the cool sand. His lips gently placed a warm, open mouthed kiss onto her neck, causing her to shiver softly as his right hand traced up her side, over the top of. With a fluid movement he slid the strap down, and his head dipped, mouth sucking gently at her delicate collar bone. Hannah gave a soft sigh and Ari moved, his arms circling her waist as he pulled her into his lap, her knees falling either side of his thighs as his hands slid up to cup her face. He looked at her for a moment, her blue eyes shining in the reflection of the moonlight on the ocean outside.

“God, I love you.” He whispered, his eyes closing as her fingers tangled in his beard, her lips ghosting over his.

“I love you too Mi Lobo…”

And that was it, those 2 fucking words that she’d spoken so many damned times over the past two years sparked something primal, animalistic in him and his hands moved her face back to his as he kissed her hard.

Hannah palmed her hands against his chest before her fingers carefully began popping the buttons of his shirt. As her fingers brushed his skin as she worked it open, the sensation of her touch caused goosebumps to bubble over his entire body, and as usual,  her infectious smile brought forth a pulsating desire from deep within him that was impossible to ignore. Once his shirt was undone she reached up and pushed it down over his broad shoulders and Ari freed his arms, tossing it off to the side somewhere as Hannah’s mouth met his once more in a furious kiss. Her tongue was in his mouth, seeking his and he felt her teeth gently nibbling at his bottom lip. At that, Ari gave a growl and he pulled away, dropping his head to the spot on her neck once more, hands moving from her hips to pull her dress over her head. With an easy snap of his fingers, he undid the clasp of her bra and she pulled it off, dropping it besides them. Ari took a moment to look at her chest, his hands sliding up her ribcage, his eyes flicking back to hers so he could watch her response as he began to play with her in a way he knew she loved. Over and over he gently kneaded and palmed her sensitive flesh, thumbs skating her nipples before he softly tweaked them both, teasing them to soft peaks as he dropped his head, his mouth engulfing her right bud. He sucked and teased with his tongue before gently grazing with his teeth all the while feeling her grinding down on him, her hands tangling in his hair.

“Shit…” she groaned, nails biting into his scalp as he pushed upwards, the bulge in the front of his shorts grinding up against her spot through her now soaked panties, mouth and hands still teasing at her breasts. “Ari…”

“What do you want baby girl?” he whispered against her skin as his mouth moved upwards, beard scratching, teeth nipping her neck as she continued making those noises that he could listen to all damned day. Her hands let go of his hair as she fumbled to unbutton his shorts and he moved slightly so that she could pull them down a little over his hips.  Her warm palm wrapped around now aching cock and pulled it free from his underwear and Ari gave a slight hiss through his teeth, slipping his hands under the hem of her dress. His large hands cupped her ass cheeks, fingers digging into the underneath just where the curve of her globes met her thighs and he pulled her tight against him. The grip of her hand around his dick drew a groan from his mouth and he swallowed, his voice raspy as he spoke again. “Tell me baby…” he instructed and then when she answered, her words combined with her hand tightening around his cock almost made him shoot his load there and then

“Fuck me Ari…”

With a growl, Ari moved his hands, pulling her panties aside as she shiftedd herself, her hand guiding him towards her. Lining him up, she lowered herself down, giving a long, drawn out whimper of delight as she felt him fill her.

“Shit, Han…” Ari groaned, his hands on her hips as he bucked upwards, feeling her hot, warmth tighten around him. “God you feel so good baby…”

At his dirty talk Hannah moaned again, her hands moving up to rest on his shoulders and without warning Ari thrust his hips up in a dirty grind, pushing himself into her as deep as he possibly could.

“Fuck!” she cried out, her nails digging into his skin, one hand moving to tangle into his hair at the back and she gave a sharp tug, pulling his head back.

The bite of pain made his cock twitch even more, but the noise he made was swallowed as her lips crashed onto his, and it was all too much. He needed release. Ari began to matching her motions, the wet sound of his balls slapping against her ass echoed off the rough, rocky walls of their hidden little hideout and his lips moved from hers to her jaw, nipping at her skin.

“You've had me hard for you all day, Firefly…” he panted and Hannah gave a soft wail at his words, “Such a fuckin’ tease…”

His movements picked up, becoming faster as he rutted upwards into her again and again, and she began to move herself, her hips rocking forward and back furiously as she ground her clit against his pubic bone, her eyes locked on his as she moved. Ari’s fingers dug into the skin just above the waist band of her panties, nails biting her delicate hips as she worked herself into an almost frantic pace, and Ari knew he wasn’t gonna last much longer.

“Come for me baby…” he said, his mouth back on her neck “Come on, good girl…”

At his words, Hannah was a complete goner, powerless to stop the pleasure that was lancing through her very core. She came, with a surge that shook her entire body, her head falling back as she gasped, mouth open, a broken, trembling cry escaping her as she pumped her hips wantonly against his crotch, riding the wave of her orgasm bucking once... twice... before she collapsed against his chest going completely limp, breathing hard. Ari’s own hips were still pumping upwards as he raced towards his own end, Hannah completely spent on his laps before he felt that coil in his belly and groin snap and with a loud groan, he came, the intensity shocking him slightly as he bit down on her shoulder, his hips stopping and he collapsed backwards, crashing onto the sand behind him, Hannah clutched to his chest.

Time just stopped for them both, Ari’s hands gently caressing her back, his eyes closed as he pressed a kiss to Hannah’s forehead as they both lay, breathing deeply, waiting for the earth to right itself. Ari had no idea if it was 1 minute or 5, but eventually he felt Hannah stir a she snuggled further into his chest.

“God, Ari, that…that was incredible.” She croaked. "Yeah....." was all he could manage in return.

Part 2 

[drhxnkmccoy]

If I Could Turn Back Time - Peter Maximoff x Reader

a/n: hi guys! i know. i’ve been gone for a REALLY long time. i’m really sorry! sporadic posting seems to be my calling. our holiday season at my store was absolutely insane and between forty hours a week and school i kind of forgot about this. sorry i kinda suck! anyway! this one was a request and it was super fun to write, i was a little bit stuck on the idea but i think it turned out pretty cool. i hope you guys enjoy! please leave me some requests too, i’m trying to get back into the groove of writing whilst we’re all under quarantine :)

Summary: Y/N has no idea what she did, or how she got there. But she knows exactly who she’s with.

She wasn’t quite sure how she got there. Hell, she was completely and totally baffled as to how she got there - nonetheless, how she would get back. As Y/N stood up from the charred grass around her, she stared in awe at the huge mansion in front of her, surrounded by a picturesque blue sky and fluffy white clouds. The image reminded her of a painting, too beautiful to be true. She slowly started walking towards the house, taking note that the beautiful watch Peter had given her was gone. A frown took shape on her face, but she resigned to getting out of here first and finding the watch later. As she knocked on the big, wooden door, she looked up, taking in the beautiful exterior and woodwork that graced the white walls and how the sun shone brightly off the roof. Honestly? She wished the mansion still looked like this.

“Can I help you?”

She looked back down to see a teenaged boy with silver hair holding the door open for her. He wore black jeans and a metallic, silver jacket. His hair would have fallen into his eyes if not for the goggles that sat on the crown of his head. His goofy little smile, though: that was what she recognized. As if she could ever forget the way his lips curled up, showing off his dimples like a model.

“Peter?” She gasped, awestruck at how… young he looked. He couldn’t be more than nineteen, and the whole concept quite frankly freaked her out.

“Uh. Yeah. Do I know you, or something?” He squinted his eyes at her, trying to think of how he could possibly know her, “You’re not a cop, right?”

“No!” She laughed, watching as relief flooded his features, “I… well, I’m not really sure how to explain who I am. Could you, uh, tell me what year it is first?”

Peter quirked his eyebrow, looking around in the background behind her. Maybe she was a spy? Peter’s head spun, as he went back and forth trying to come up with where this mysterious chick could have come from and how she knew him.

“It’s 1982. Seriously, where the hell did you come from?”

1982? She hadn’t realized how far she had gone back. Panic started to run through her veins as she suddenly became painfully aware of how far away from home she was, with no knowledge of how to return. Y/N began to breathe heavily, as Peter’s presence started to fade in light of her sudden anxiety.

“Whoa, hey. Calm down. It’s okay - WHOA!” Peter took a step back as she took in a sharp breath and her hair caught fire as if she was a tree struck by lightning. “How did you…” he took a second to watch the flames dance through her hair, understanding just why she wasn’t screaming out horribly in pain, “Are you a mutant?”

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to focus on the situation at hand. Her anxiety lingered, but the calm she was trying to force upon herself was able to subside it - for the most part. She felt the heat begin to die down and soon enough, the flames began to extinguish. 

“Uhhh… okay. Okay, this is fine. Everything is fine,” Peter mumbled to himself as he watched the flames disappear. What would Charles say in this situation? He knew exactly what Charles would say. Peter could practically hear Charles’ voice in his head, telling him to invite her in. “Do you, uh, want to come in?”

Y/N opened her eyes. The anxiety had faded and she had zoned back in at the sound of Peter’s invitation. Noting the look of mild terror on Peter’s face, she nodded, “Yes.. yes I would. Thank you.”

The mansion looked ginormous, and it only got bigger as she stepped inside. A huge staircase that split and went two ways as you opened the door, classrooms to the right and dormitories to the left. It looked almost the same as when Charles had recruited her, sometime around 2012. She gazed around in awe as Peter shut the door, unsure of what to do next.

“As interesting as this has been, I’m curious. Where the hell did you come from? You’re obviously a mutant… are you here looking for Professor? If you are, you couldn’t have come at a better time, considering he’s THE PROFESSOR again..” Peter babbled, mostly to himself, at a speed faster than she could comprehend.

“The Professor? Professor Xavier is here?” Y/N found a bit of hope in that statement. Hopefully, Charles would know what was going on and how she could be here… Charles always knew what to do, even when he didn’t.

“Yeah! I mean, no. Usually, yes. But I guess there was some type of emergency, like there always is, and well, I mean, if you know the professor you know he’s always the first one out there to solve the problem. So right now? It’s just you and me.”

“Was that your convoluted way of telling me Charles is on a mission?” Y/N sighed - young Peter was a lot more… zealous, she’d say, than adult Peter.

“Yeah! Wait - how do you know about missions? Wait - never mind, you’re a mutant. Duh, Peter”, he shook his head, “Are you one of Charles’ students? You look kind of old to still be a student,” Peter tilted his head.

Y/N shook her head, “Uh… yes. You could say I’m… a student of Charles.” It wasn’t a lie - she had been a student of Charles.

“Oh.. cool. Well, you can hang until he gets back. Oh! We should order a pizza!” Peter’s mind quickly got occupied and he turned to search through a drawer filled with take out menus. 

“Peter! Focus! I need your help.” Y/N was too impatient to sit around and wait for Charles, maybe Peter knew something about how and why she was here - she could only hope that the butterfly effect wouldn’t somehow ruin their relationship in the future.

“Whoa, okay. What?” Peter didn’t look up from the drawer, but Y/N knew her next words would change that.

“I’m from the future. I don’t know how and why I’m here, just that I don’t belong here and I have to get back.”

Peter’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. 

“Whoa! The future! Wait, that’s so crazy because a couple years ago some guy came back from the future - he was all mean and grumpy, maybe you guys are from the same place! Wait, what year did you come from?” Peter struggled to focus on one point at a time, as usual.

“2020. I’m from 2020. I - Wait, grumpy? Are you talking about Logan?” Y/N shook her head, “Nevermind that. I just need to figure out how to get back to where I came from.”

“Hmm. Sucks. I don’t know anything about time travel. But hey, tell me about the future!” Peter zoomed beside her, and in the two seconds it took her to turn and face him, he was already cozy on the couch.

Y/N approached the couch as well, wondering if it was really her place to tell him what the future holds - what if she told him about their relationship and then it never happened? She didn’t want to change the course of history.

“Well…” She sheepishly took a seat beside him, “There’s… a lot of big stuff that happens in the future. For one,” she pointed at the small television seated upon a cart at the door of Charles’ office, “there are televisions four times the size of that. And there are more than three channels. And -”

“That’s cool! Hey, are the X-Men still a thing? Oh, and who’s the president? Oh, hey, do you know me in the future?” Peter cut her off with the force of his questions.

This was it. Would Y/N tell him? Would that endanger their future together?

“I… do. Yes, I know you in the future.” She smiled at the way his eyes lit up when she said that. 

“No way! Are we friends?”

Her voice was caught in her throat. She knew Peter - he was a curious guy, this question was to be expected. And yet, she still had no answer for him.

“We -”

“My, my, Miss Y/N.” She was cut off by Charles’ arrival, the wheels of his chair squeaking slightly as he entered the room. “How nice it is to see you again.”

He looked so… different. Y/N had never seen Charles with hair before - only in pictures. 

“Professor,” she stood and shook his hand, “it’s always a pleasure.”

“I believe this,” he pulled her watch out of his pocket, “belongs to you.”

Y/N looked at him with large, wide eyes. He had found her watch! This meant he had to know what she was doing here. Right?

“Whoa,” Peter glanced over the couch, “My dad has a watch, like, exactly like that.”

Charles grinned at Y/N, trying to hold back a laugh at the look of confusion mixed with terror on her face, “As lovely as it is to see you, darling, unfortunately we’ve got much to do today. Peter should be studying for that quiz tomorrow, hm?”

Peter’s eyes widened and before Y/N could even blink, he was gone.

Charles laughed, heading towards the door,” Perhaps, if you don’t mind visiting on another day,” Charles was already escorting her out the door.

“But, Professor -”

“Don’t worry, dear,” Charles opened the door for her, “I’m sure whatever it is,” he winked, “can wait a little bit.” 

And with that, he shut the door.

Y/N gasped, opening her eyes to see the dingy walls of her office. She stood from her desk chair, looking around the familiar room. The ceiling looked like it was about to cave in, the wood beginning to rot. The paint on the walls was peeling, adding to the old, abandoned look of the room. Everything looked like what she remembered - not what she had seen.

“Babe?”

She whipped around to see Peter standing at the door, “Are you coming? I thought you were supposed to be done with class, like, an hour ago - Whoa! Okay!” Peter stumbled back as she ran into his arms.

“What year is it?” Y/N looked up at him - he was the Peter that she had come to know and love. 

He looked at her with a look of concern, “Are you okay? It’s 2020, crazy. Are you sick?” Peter held a hand up to her forehead, which she quickly slapped away.

“I’m fine,” Y/N straightened out her skirt, “I’m sorry. I guess I just… lost track of time. But I’m done, let’s go.”

Peter grinned and took her arm, leading her away from the office, “Wow, nice watch,” he winked, drawing her attention to the beautiful piece of jewelry he’d given her, “Wonder who could have given it to you. So, how was your day?”

“Crazy. Like you wouldn’t believe…”

[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 16

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows 

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: E

Word Count: 1982

Chapter Summary: You ask some innocent questions about hypnosis, and Viago and Deacon grow suspicious.

A/N: Same shit as always: it’s on AO3.

“Good evening, Y/N,” Viago greeted you cheerily as he entered the lounge. He was definitely a morning person. Evening person? Whatever.

“Hey,” you shot back in a monotone. You sounded about as good as you felt. Not very.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you answered, though you were sure your tone was doing nothing to convince him. “I’m just exhausted.”

“You didn’t sleep well last night?” He asked, concerned.

“Not really. I was in and out of sleep. I think I was having nightmares.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. What about?”

“No idea,” you answered honestly. Your sleep was fitful, and you felt uneasy and disturbed upon waking, but you couldn’t recall your dreams.

“Then how do you know they were nightmares?”

You shrugged. “I could just tell.”

Viago nodded in understanding. Making his way over to the ancient green couch where you sat lengthwise, taking up every cushion with your outstretched legs, he asked, “May I sit?”

“It’s your couch.” You lifted you legs just long enough for him to sit down, then laid them to rest on his lap. He set his hands on your shins, giving you a gentle squeeze as he settled.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You offered him a gentle smile. “That’s okay. There isn’t really anything to talk about, since I don’t remember the dream. Thank you, though, I appreciate it.”

“Of course.”

“Do vampires get nightmares?” you asked. “Do you still dream?”

“Oh yes. Vampires dream. Our dreams are a lot more vivid than human dreams, though.”

“That must make the nightmares a bitch, huh?” you joked.

He nodded, without any humor. “It does.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He shrugged it off. “I don’t have nightmares too often anymore.”

“What do you dream about?” Viago paused, and you blushed, realizing that was a very personal question. “Sorry. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine. My dreams are much the same as they were when I was alive, just more vivid. They’re usually quite nonsensical, just flashes of scenes, mainly. Though, I’ve dreamed about the sun much more often since I’ve become a vampire.”

You supposed that made sense, him not having seen the sun in hundreds of years. Though, with the sun’s effect on vampires, that sounded more like a nightmare than a dream. Maybe it was. You asked him, “Dreams or nightmares?”

“They’ve been both. But they’re usually good dreams. I can go out and feel the warmth on my skin and not burn. It’s nice. Though, I’m not sure it’s right anymore. I’m not sure I remember what sunlight actually feels like after all this time.”

Your heart ached for him, and for the rest of your flatmates. Petyr hadn’t seen the sun in over 8000 years. You couldn’t even begin to imagine. They had all gained so much. Transformation, teleportation, immortality. You hadn’t thought about some of the little things they’d lost. Not being able to eat human food and having to kill to survive had crossed your mind, obviously. And you were aware, of course, that they were nocturnal, but you had never really thought about their having to give up sunlight.

“Is there any way, indirectly, that you could at least look at the sun?”

“We watched a video of a sunrise when Stu was teaching us about the internet.”

“That’s nice,” you offered.

“I suppose so. It was a bit hard to enjoy. Seeing the sun pass the horizon filled me with fear, even though I knew it couldn’t really harm me.”

If your heart had already ached for him, now it had broken.

“That’s awful, Viago, I’m so sorry.”

He smiled gently. “It’s not really a big deal. Most of the time I don’t miss it, anymore. We’re supposed to be talking about dreams, remember?”

You laughed. “Oh, right. How could I have gotten so off topic?” you teased.

“What about you? What do you usually dream about?”

Deacon loudly clamored down the stairs. “Are we taking about dreams?”

“Ja. Y/N had a nightmare.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” you said. “I can’t remember.”

“Vampire nightmares are especially realistic.”

“I know. Viago mentioned that.”

“Move your legs so I can sit.”

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, but I’m putting them back after you sit.”

You swung your legs out of the way while Deacon sat down, waiting for him to get situated before you put your legs back across both of their laps.

“I had a really freaky dream the other day,” Deacon said.

You and Viago looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I was being chased by a giant rat. It eventually caught me and I could feel myself being chewed up alive in its enormous teeth.”

Viago gave him a sympathetic look.

You shot him a look somewhere between dumbfound, disgust, and disbelief.

“Uh…” You had no idea what to say to that.

“Your nightmare couldn’t have been that bad, Y/N.”

No, probably not. So at least there was that.

“Is Vlad awake?” Deacon asked. “He made me promise to move a body with him this evening.”

The woman from last night. The one he’d hypnotized. He’d slept in the same room as a corpse? How horrifyingly macabre. You thought back to the dirty cereal bowl on your bedside table and wondered if that was comparable.

“No, he hasn’t been down here yet,” Viago answered.

“I met her last night. The body.” You winced a bit. “The woman,” you corrected. “She ran down here and Vladislav hypnotized her in front of me. Can humans get hypnotized by proxy?”

“By proxy?”

“Yeah. If someone gets hypnotized in front of me, could I also get hypnotized? Even if I’m not the one being hypnotized…? Or spoken to? Or whatever?”

They were both looking at you, seemingly puzzled.

“Did you get hypnotized last night?” Viago asked.

“No!” Your face heated, both from answering too quickly and strongly, and from the memory of last night. You tried again, more calmly, hoping they hadn’t noticed. “No. Just hypothetically. If a vampire is hypnotizing someone, could a nearby human also get hypnotized?”

Deacon, either not hearing or choosing to ignore your explanation of this being hypothetical, asked, “What did he hypnotize her about? Did you end up doing the same thing?”

“Nothing! He didn’t- It’s just an example. I was just curious.”

Deacon gave you a suspicious glance.

“Well, vampires can hypnotize multiple people at once, but it’s extremely difficult,” Viago explained. “Vladislav is known for his hypnotizing abilities, and can hypnotize entire crowds on his better days. But it takes effort; you can’t accidentally hypnotize anyone.”

You nodded. That was good. Not that it mattered. You weren’t hypnotized. You couldn’t have been, because you didn’t- Well, because you just weren’t hypnotized.

“Besides, if you are hypnotized, you usually don’t remember it happening.” Viago told you this in a tone that was probably meant to be comforting, leading you to assume that he also didn’t believe you were dealing in hypotheticals.

You knew you weren’t hypnotized; you should have just kept your mouth shut.

Thankfully changing the subject, Viago asked, “What are your plans tonight, Y/N?”

“I have no plans. I’m just going to order food because I’m lazy and tired, and then go to bed early. Why?”

“I’m trying to plan an evening. Nick says he knows a good drinking game, and we have some alcoholic blood in the refrigerator.”

Deacon perked up, officially moving on from your previous line of inquiry. “Yes!”

It was a bit jarring to see Viago, looking and dressing the same now as he did in the hundreds of years old portrait behind him, discuss throwing a small party of drinking games and getting pissed. It was astounding how they managed to incorporate aspects of so many different time periods into their personalities at once. You decided, though, that that was not the most interesting thing to take from Viago’s statement.

Instead you asked, “Alcoholic blood?”

“Ja,” Viago affirmed. “When humans drink, the alcohol enters their blood. If they’re very drunk, their blood can can get vampires drunk.”

“Huh.” Interesting. Logically, that made sense, you’d just never thought of it before. A lot of things about vampires made sense, if you’d only think of them before they were brought up.

“It works with things besides alcohol, too,” Deacon said. “Anything that can get into the blood. Like drugs. A few years ago, when psychedelics were big…” He trailed off, making a blissful facial expression.

“Were psychedelics big a few years ago?”

Deacon nodded. “Oh yes.” His face grew more pensive before he added, “I think it was a few years ago. It could have been more.”

“Are you talking about the ‘60s?”

His face lit up. “Yes!”

“So, more than a few years ago, then.”

He shrugged.

“Well, either way, I’m not up for getting drunk tonight, but I’m very up for seeing you all get drunk at some point, so keep me posted.”

“I’ll find a night when everyone is free,” Viago said.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the expression ‘three’s a crowd.’”

Three heads turned up towards the top of the staircase, to where Vladislav now stood.

“You know there are other places to sit in the lounge, right?”

You gave him a sour look. “We’ll, I’m comfortable.”

He smirked down at you. “You might be the only one.”

“Just how heavy do you think I am?” you asked, feigning offense.

“Actually, I am feeling a bit cramped,” Deacon admitted.

You sighed, swinging your legs off the couch and sitting upright, letting Deacon migrate from the couch to an armchair.

“Hey, Vlad,” Deacon called as he settled in his new seat, “Did I hear you with a human down here last night?”

You froze. What did he think he was doing?

“Yeah,” Vladislav answered. “Her hypnosis lapsed. She realized what was happening and tried to get out. I met her down here and brought her back up before she left.”

“I hate when they do that,” Viago muttered.

Ignoring him, Deacon pressed on, “What did you do? Hypnotize her again?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you tell her?”

If looks could kill, Deacon would be dead twice over. If he saw your heated glare, he ignored it.

Vladislav shrugged. You had hoped he would find Deacon’s question too invasive or too strange. It didn’t seem as though he did, however, as he answered, “I told her she wanted me and wanted to come back up to my room. Just normal stuff.”

“Oh, right,” Deacon replied.

To his credit, he didn’t turn to you, or give you a strange look. Unfortunately, you caught a side eyed glance from Viago.

You thought about getting Deacon alone and throwing your necklace at him, or singing a hymn, or-

“Am I the last one up?” Vladislav asked, effectively moving the conversation past Deacon’s prying.

“No,” Viago answered. “Petyr hasn’t come up here yet.”

“Someone had better wake him up,” Deacon said. “If he sleeps too late, he’ll be up all day, just standing in his tomb. And I’m not doing it,” he added quickly, before anyone could ask him to.

“I’m not doing it either. I do it all the time, and he’s nasty when he wakes up.”

“Well, I’m not doing it,” Vladislav said, leaning forward onto the banister. “Besides, Deacon and I have something to take care of.” Disposing of the body.

Three heads turned to look at you.

“What, me?” you asked, surprised.

“Why not you?”

Because he’s apparently ‘nasty’ when he wakes up? You didn’t voice that concern. Instead, you rose from the couch, and headed downstairs to wake up your fourth flatmate. It was better than helping someone transport a corpse, you supposed, and certainly better than remaining up here in uncomfortable silence with Viago.

You sighed. At least you could go to sleep in a few hours.

[trenchcas]

episode origins p1

i was watching moriah earlier today and was wondering what the significance of the name moriah was, so i searched it up. i’ll explain it here in this. i wanted to learn which episodes have titles derived from pop culture, literature, etc. so i put together this list. it’s not complete, feel free to reblog with more!

why did i waste hours on my life on this, you ask? i don’t know. 

season 1

pilot: obviously, all the first episodes of shows are called pilots. nothing new here.

wendigo: they’re fighting a wendigo

dead in the water: the phrase means “unable to function, move”.

phantom traveler: the name of the demon they’re fighting

bloody mary: based off the legend

skin: shapeshifters, also there might be a meta about how it’s a metaphor for dean

hook man: they’re fighting a hook man

bugs: bugs

home: they go home

asylum: they go to an asylum

scarecrow: scarecrow

faith: the concept of god first comes into play here, i thought that was pretty interesting. that’s why it’s called faith, duh. dean + faith is explored.

route 666: racist truck yes

nightmare: sam’s visions

the benders: i think it’s based off of the bloody benders, a family of serial killers

shadow: meg’s stalkery?

hell house: it was literally a hell house

something wicked: originally chanted by WITCHES in shakespeare’s macbeth. the full line is “something wicked this way comes, open locks, whoever knocks”. obviously the shtriga is a witch and it refers to that.

provenance: painting provenances, it’s in the episode

dead man’s blood: they use dead man’s blood

salvation: being saved or protected, like the boys and john do with the family

devil’s trap: the devil gets them in a trap. and they built a giant devil’s trap too.

season two

in my time of dying: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

everybody loves a clown: based off of the gary lewis song [x]

bloodlust: i think it’s for the vampires but they were also a band in the 90′s

children shouldn’t play with dead things: based off of the 1972 movie

simon said: the whole “you do what i say” thing with andy and evil andy

no exit: it’s a song by blondie and in the episode h.h. holmes captures blondes...? am i just clowning

the usual suspects: based off of the 1995 movie

crossroad blues: based off of the robert johnson song (fave!) [x]

croatoan: i like this one. okay, so you guys probably know about the whole roanoke/croatoan thing in the 1600′s. so there’s a theory that the settlers were wiped out by a disease (similar to this town). also, the town would disappear off of the map.

hunted: gordon hunted sam

playthings: dolls, but the little girl was the grandma’s sisters plaything

nightshifter: a shifter in the night

houses of the holy: based off of the led zeppelin song and album [x]

born under a bad sign: based off of this song [x] there are a bunch of others including jimi hendrix but...?

tall tales: yeah i think this one is self explanatory

roadkill: someone got killed on the road

heart: werewolf heart but also how sam gave his heart to madison aww also there’s a band called heart

hollywood babylon: based off of the book by the same name

folsom prison blues: based off of the johnny cash song!! [x]

what is and what should never be: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

all hell breaks loose: yes it did

season three

the magnificent seven: based off of the pretty famous western go watch

the kids are alright: based off of the who song [x]

bad day at black rock: based off of the 1955 movie

sin city: there’s a bunch of songs but the city was sinning so

bedtime stories: they were bedtime stories

red sky at morning: the full phrase is “red sky at morning, sailors take warning”. with the theme of this ep it fits pretty well.

fresh blood: fresh blood yes

a very supernatural christmas: i’m not sure. i think it’s based off of a christmas album?

malleus maleficarum: a 1400′s book of witches. latin for “hammer of the witches”.

dream a little dream of me: i love this song! based off this: [x]

mystery spot: mystery spot

jus in bello: i can’t really explain it but here [x]

ghostfacers: g h o s t f a c e r s

long-distance call: long distance call

time is on my side: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

no rest for the wicked: a biblical quote that means “evildoers will face eternal punishment”. also, “one’s work never ceases”.

season four

lazarus rising: in the bible, lazarus is the righteous man, which makes dean the righteous man. and he rises. so. 

are you there, god? it’s me, dean winchester: based off of the judy blume book (maybe?), are you there, god? it’s me, margaret.

in the beginning: they go back in time

metamorphosis: with the rugaru but also sammeh

monster movie: monsters and movies

yellow fever: referring to the disease i think, but also there are a few songs

it’s the great pumpkin, sam winchester: based off of it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

wishful thinking: yeah

i know what you did last summer: dean + hell, sam + ruby. is it based off of the shawn mendes song? i don’t think it is because this came out way before the song.

heaven and hell: opposite sides meet, dean’s hell experiences.

family remains: there are remains

criss angel is a douche bag: idk?

after school special: based off of the abc program? i think?

sex and violence: there was a lot of sex. and violence.

death takes a holiday: death took a holiday

on the head of a pin: i’m not sure but this article is interesting, maybe related. probably related. [x]

it’s a terrible life: based off of it’s a wonderful life? i love that movie btw

the monster at the end of this book: ughhh! yes!!! first of all there’s a sesame street book by the same title. also, chuck actually was the monster at the end of the book! that’s crazy. insane. 

jump the shark: “(of a television series or movie) reach a point at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.“ probably the whole long lost brother thing.

the rapture: a belief that christians will rise to “meet the lord in the air”. kinda like jimmy does.

when the levee breaks: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

lucifer rising: lucifer rose

season five

sympathy for the devil: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

good god, y’all!: cas goes to find god

free to be you and me: a marlo thomas album and the brothers split up

the end: yeah it’s the end

fallen idols: i think we get it

i believe the children are our future: a lyric from a whitney houston song

the curious case of dean winchester: based off of the short story, the curious case of benjamin button.

changing channels: channels were changed. the end.

the real ghostbusters: based on the 1985 animation

abandon all hope: the full phrase is “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” and that pretty much sums up this episode.

sam, interrupted: i’m not sure?

swap meat: meats were SWAPPED.

the song remains the same: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

my bloody valentine: based on jensen’s movie. but also the band?

dead men don’t wear plaid: based on the 1982 movie

dark side of the moon: a pink floyd album

99 problems: that one jayz song whatever

point of no return: a 1993 movie but also the poto song hehe

hammer of the gods: based off of the 1985 book i think? it’s about led zeppelin so probably yeah.

the devil you know: means that it’s better to deal with a situation you understand than one you don’t.

two minutes to midnight: this phrase is commonly used as a countdown to a global catastrophe (i.e. the fucking apocalypse)

swan song: someone’s final performance before retirement (i think this is about both brothers because it’s sam last battle and dean’s last fight before living with lisa)

season six

exile on main st.: based off of the rolling stones album [x]

two and a half men: it was a sitcom? but idk if that’s where it’s from

the third man: based off of the 1949 noir thriller? maybe? but there were also three men so idrk

weekend at bobby’s: it was a weekend at bobbys

live free or twi-hard: based off of twilight and that bruce willis movie that i watched once way back when

you can’t handle the truth: truth goddess. soulless sam gets exposed ig

family matters: based off of the 1989 sitcom? maybe

all dogs go to heaven: based off of the 1989 movie? probably

clap your hands if you believe: i think this is an original title idk

caged heat: based off of the 1974 movie i think

appointment in samarra: probably based off of the 1934 novel of the same name

like a virgin: based off of the madonna song [x]

unforgiven: sam does unforgiven things

mannequin 3: the reckoning: not sure

the french mistake: just... just read this link [x]

and then there were none: based off of the agatha christie novel of the same name

my heart will go on: y’all all know what’s up [x]

frontierland: they went to yeehaw town

mommy dearest: based on the 1981 film? maybe?

the man who would be king: based off of the 1888 novel by rudyard kipling

let it bleed: based off of the rolling stones album/song [x]

the man who knew too much: shares a name with the 1956 film

season seven

meet the new boss: they met the new boss idk

hello, cruel world: sad sam

the girl next door: there’s a 2004 romcom with the same name

defending your life: a 1991 romcom! wow!

shut up, dr. phil: sam and dean became philanthropists idk

slash fiction: hahahahaha i think we know what it means but wHY is it called that?

the mentalists: they met a bunch of magic people wow!

season 7, time for a wedding!: more like season 7, time for a slightly r*pey episode and GARTH!

how to win friends and influence monsters: based off of the 1936 book how to win friends and influence people

death’s door: they were at death’s door idk

adventures in babysitting: based off of the 1987 movie by the same name

time after time after time: based off of the cyndi lauper song? [x]

the slice girls: prolly based off of the spice girls idk

plucky pennywhistle’s magic menagerie: yeah idk

repo man: it’s a 1984 film too

out with the old: they were fucking around with antiques

the born-again identity: obviously based off of the bourne identity which i haven’t seen in forever

party on, garth: hahaha

of grave importance: it was very important

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo: probably based off of the movie/book the girl with the dragon tattoo. 

reading is fundamental: reading is fundamental. go read a book.

there will be blood: there was blood

survival of the fittest: everybody fought idk

okay i’m gonna stop here for this one because i’m tired asf and i’ll do part 2 later 

[jgroffdaily]

[This story contains spoilers for season two of Mindhunter on Netflix.]

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you: That well-worn Nietzsche quote might be the best explanation for what happened to Holden Ford, the impetuous FBI wunderkind played by Jonathan Groff, in the season one finale of Mindhunter. Holden, alongside his partner Bill Tench (Holt McCallany), had spent months interviewing incarcerated serial killers in order to glean insight into their mind-set, pioneering the science of criminal profiling.

Having demonstrated an uncanny knack for getting truths out of monsters, Holden started to ride way too high on his own brilliance, alienating his colleagues and jeopardizing the already uncertain future of the fledgling Behavioral Science Unit. In the season finale he paid an ill-advised solo visit to the serial killer Ed Kemper (Cameron Britton), who responded by giving him the most menacing hug ever committed to film. The season closes with Holden in the grips of a long-overdue panic attack after escaping Kemper, the darkness of his work and the recklessness of his approach finally catching up to him.

Season two, which picks up directly after the finale, sees Holden continuing to struggle with panic attacks in private, while still letting his ego run away with him at work. “Though Holden is still engaged with doing interviews with serial killers, now he's getting a little snobby about it,” Groff tells The Hollywood Reporter. “He only wants to interview the killers that he personally deems worthy.” That new attitude, combined with his mental fragility, seems like a recipe for disaster — particularly once Holden travels to Atlanta to tackle the most difficult case of his career to date.

Groff spoke to THR about depicting Holden’s mental breakdown, what’s different about season two’s interrogation scenes and how the Atlanta child murders case unfolds onscreen.

At the end of season one, it feels like Holden has the air punctured out of him by Kemper. He goes from incredibly cocky to total psychological collapse. What was it like to play that very dramatic shift in the new season?

I was so interested to see how the writers were going to pick Holden up off the floor after the finale. In terms of the continuity between his panic attack in the hospital [after seeing Kemper] and his panic attack at the end of episode one after Shepard [Cotter Smith] talks to him, I realized that any time there's a mirror held up to Holden and he can sort of have a moment of self-awareness and really look at himself, it sends him into panic mode. That’s what Ed Kemper did at the end of the first season, he was turning the mirror back on Holden, and I think that’s also what Shepard does at the end of the season two premiere.

He’s in his element when he’s probing into other people’s psychology, but when it’s turned on him he can’t handle it.

Yeah, and when he’s in work mode, and he's a dog with a bone, it sort of evaporates and he's fine. It's just these little moments when his blinders are removed that he sinks into panic. The minute he pulls his shit together for the [David] Berkowitz interview, and Tench says “I think he’s back,” I love it because it adds a layer of drama to every scene moving forward. We’ve logged this information as something that can happen to Holden, and now that factors into every interview, knowing that potential is there.

What goes into depicting a panic attack onscreen?

I’d forgotten about this until just now, but when we were filming the season one finale, in the moment right before Kemper hugs me, David [Fincher] had me do this (inhales and exhales rapidly), just a lot of breaths really quick in and out, I think just to get all of the blood out of my face. I did almost pass out. That was the scene right before I run out of the room. The panic attack scene in the season two premiere was sort of the same thing — we did it at varying levels, and I started out by overdoing it. I think I was making noises, it was a lot, and David was like, “OK, Groff, take it down a notch.” I love working with him because he can say something like, “Take it down 50 percent from that,” and I’ll know what he’s talking about. I tend to just throw it out there, and then he shades and shapes the level of explosion.

The Atlanta child murders is the most contentious case that the show has tackled so far. There are still a lot of unanswered questions about the case itself, and the FBI’s role in it was specifically controversial. How does the show approach the case?

I listened to [podcast] Atlanta Monster and read James Baldwin’s book, The Evidence of Things Not Seen. And Courtenay Miles — who was our first AD in season one and one of our head writers on season two — could have a degree on the subject of Atlanta between 1978 and 1982. She did so much research, she spoke to police officials that were there during that time, and tried to really get all the conflicting opinions and ideas about what happened. They really try to lay out in the scripts the political atmosphere of what was going on at that time in Atlanta — the first black mayor had just been elected, “white flight” was happening in the city center, the new Atlanta airport that we now know as this giant hub was about to open in 1980.

It was just a huge moment of change in Atlanta, and the last thing that the city needed — in some people’s minds — was a lot of publicity about these children being murdered. On top of which you have the FBI coming in there and trying to prove this core theory of the Behavioral Science Unit, that you can actually take this psychological work and these interviews, and make a profile of someone and use that to catch an active criminal while it's happening.

Why is Holden so stubbornly determined that his theory of the case is correct?

One of the conclusions the BSU has drawn is that serial killers rarely cross racial lines, and so Holden firmly believes that this killer is black. A lot of other people think it’s the Ku Klux Klan, some people think it's a child pornography ring, there’s a bunch of different theories. But Holden is there to help catch what he believes is a serial killer, in order to help the city of Atlanta and also to prove his theory right, to prove that this method of profiling works.

Season two brings back Jim Barney (Albert Jones), the African-American agent Bill wanted to hire in season one. What’s the dynamic when Holden is doing interviews with Jim versus Bill, whom he’s used to working with?

I love Albert, he's a phenomenal actor, and they knew in the first season when they cast him that he was going to come back to play this bigger part. What’s interesting in those interview scenes is that this season, though Holden is still engaged with doing interviews with serial killers, now he's getting a little snobby about it. He only wants to interview the serial killers that he personally deems worthy, which is a stark contrast from the first season where he's like, “Feed me, I want everything, I want all the information! I want to meet everyone!” Now he’s a little more picky about who he’s gonna spend his very valuable time with.

So in episode three, he sort of begrudgingly agrees to go to Atlanta to meet with these killers who he deems unintelligent, and Barney ends up being sort of the Holden in those interviews, in that he's the one that's actually engaging with the person in a deep way, and ends up gleaning the information that Holden would normally glean. I loved reading that when I got the scripts, because there’s a clear evolution of these interviews in the second season, now that Holden kind of thinks he’s above it to a certain extent. Obviously not Charles Manson or David Berkowitz, but he maybe feels he’s outgrowing the interviews a little bit, and the character of Jim becomes my foil in that regard.

John Douglas, the real-life inspiration for the show, eventually moved away from FBI work and became more of an author and consultant. Holden is only loosely based on Douglas, but do you think he could take a similar path?

Well, I don't know this for sure and I'd have to ask John, but my feeling from meeting him and reading his stuff is that he didn’t move away from the FBI because of disinterest. He had a total mental and physical breakdown from how intense the work was. He was, I think for his whole career, a very obsessive worker. His breakdown happened much later [than Holden’s], when he was a little bit older and had been in the thick of it for much longer, so I think Holden’s panic attacks are kind of a nod to that. We deviate a lot in terms of the characters’ personal lives.

When Holden is hospitalized he calls Bill — who’s not thrilled about having to fly across the country to get him — and says he didn’t have anyone else to call. That line was interesting. Does he not have family?

I think at the end of the first season, we saw him kind of shut everybody out and go off on his own, so in my mind when I was reading that, when he says, “I didn’t have anyone else I could call," it was a moment of self-awareness. He realizes that he has put himself on an island. I mean, the only person he could turn to at the end of season one was Ed Kemper! But when he calls Bill, I thought it was kind of a beautiful nod to the fact that at the end of it all, the person I'm gonna call, for better or for worse, is the guy that I've been through all this shit with. Sometimes we have those people where we experience something insane, and the only person who gets it is the one who was in the room too. I think that line from Holden is a reminder, at the top of the season, that these two are kind of bonded forever, in a way. As different as they are, they have this very specific fucked up world that will bind them together for the rest of their lives.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

[sammyspreadyourwings]

Frian + 7. “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.”

7) I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.

You know, I meant for this to not be Hot Space angst. I failed. On the bright side, I got some practice in writing arguments? Other good news, I got to write Frian, so that’s something.

Circa 1982

Brian isn’t sure what started the argument, only that this one is reaching the point of breaking voices from screaming. It was rare any of them fought like this, no matter how often they were at each other’s throats.

“Oh, and like you’re so perfect?” Freddie spits, “you’d lock yourself in the bedroom for a week because of your moodiness.”

“I don’t care about the vices Fred,” Brian replies, pinching his nose.

“No? You don’t hesitate to mention them every time I indulge.”

A wave of tiredness washes over him. He looks at the clock and sees that they’re entering the second hour and haven’t gotten any further in solving this. Hell, what did he even say this time?

“I wish you’d slow down. Who knows what it’s doing to your body?”

“I’m young, why not live while I’m alive?”

Brian tugs at his hair, “I don’t care about the smoking or the drinking or drugs. Hell, you could go out an party every night and I wouldn’t care!”

“Then why are we wasting time on this?”

He moves his hands to his eyes and presses for a second. Might as well strip himself raw. There’s not much left protecting his heart either way, “because there are some nights you don’t come home.”

“And you think I’m cheating on you?”

He bites down on his instant response, the one that’s meant to only hurt, “no. I trust you, Freddie, always have. I just worry.”

Freddie crosses his arms, “I’m a grown man.”

“And I’m your partner,” Brian’s voice breaks, “I’m not asking you to wear a cat collar, just that you come home at some point. I don’t want the first time I see you in a day to be you stumbling in drunk to the studio.”

“So, it’s all about what Brian wants?”

Brian feels his jaw drop, “that’s not what I said, and you know it.”

They stare at each other, and Brian is the first to back down.

“What do you want? Why are you doing this?”

“I’m filling the in-between moments.”

“The… in between moments? In between what?”

Freddie waves his hand in the air. Encompassing something only he knows. Brian lowers his arm and digs his nails into his side. He bites his cheek and looks away.

“And I can’t do that? Roger or John can’t do that? What about Mary, Ratty, Pheobe, Miami, they can’t do that?”

“You don’t understand it,” Freddie replies, “what it’s like.”

“Maybe if you spoke plain English or tried to explain it,” Brian snaps.

“Roger and John have their families. Mary is looking for hers,” Freddie shrugs.

Brian pretends he doesn’t feel the words like a slap, “what am I?”

“You’re the same as them. You fit right in roughhousing with John’s boys or holding Roger’s little one.”

“Freddie if that’s what you want-”

“That’s what you want! You want it to look like we’re some happy couple.”

“Aren’t we?” Brian frowns, “Freddie we’ve been together for years, nothing’s changed other than we’ve gotten older.”

“Stagnation,” Freddie curls the word, “and are we happy? You spend half your days avoiding the studio.”

“Not because of you, Hot Space… well, it’s not really my scene, and I’m still cross at John for Back Chat.”

“You mope around the house whenever you don’t go in.”

Brian closes his eyes and presses his nails harder into his side. His jaw sets and he’s finally mapped out where this conversation is going to end. Maybe he had been pretending to not see it. Maybe he had been playing at the happy stable couple. Freddie and he certainly aren’t anything like John and Veronica.

“And the partying and drugs make you happy?”

“They pass the time.”

Brian bites down on his cheek so hard it bleeds, “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be then. As happy as you act on stage.”

“Brian?” Freddie’s voice loses the anger for the first time during the conversation.

“Go off with Prenter and his friends, since that’s obviously what you want to be doing.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake Brian, first you don’t want me going out and now you do? Pick something.”

“I have. You have.”

Brian closes his eyes for a second to gather himself. He’s pretty sure his nails have broken the skin by now.

“We just haven’t picked the same thing.”

He looks at Freddie’s face. It’s neutral, but Brian can see the slight hurt in his eyes. It hurts him to know that what he’s doing is causing that, but this will help in the long run.

“If you can’t be happy with me and maybe I’m not happy with you, I know I’m not with your actions, then we should be done.”

“Brimi what are you saying?”

“Don’t bring out that nickname now,” Brian closes his eyes again, “We need some time.”

“How much?”

Brian swirls the truth around in his mouth.

“Whenever Queen gets out of this pit or whenever we four can work in the studio together without being hammered or wanting to kill each other.”

He couldn’t say it and he swallows the poison.

“You’d be willing to talk then?”

“Sure. Fred go out with your friends, you’re supposed to meet them half six?”

Freddie blinks and hesitates, and Brian can still see the man he fell (is) in love with.

“Can we,” Freddie clears his throat, “can we talk about this when I come back. I won’t be out late.”

“Fine.”

It’s his last chance. The last thing Brian can offer without completely leaving himself empty. Freddie gives him a bright smile and then hurries to get ready. He was doing that before this argument started.

Right. He brought up Prenter again. That’s what started this.

At 3:30 in the morning he grabs his suitcase and guitar case. He makes sure that his note was clear on the fridge and that the cats had food.

Roger leans against his car, looking torn.

“I’m sorry,” Brian mumbles, “it’s late.”

As always Roger reads between the lines, “it isn’t like you didn’t give him a fair shake.”

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m making you choose.”

“You aren’t,” Roger shrugs and grabs his suitcase, “we still have Queen.”

“Is that all we have?”

“Hell if I know.”

[siriuslyxpadfoot]

Well I just heard the news today It seems my life is going to change I close my eyes, begin to pray Then tears of joy stream down my face

The baby AU no one asked for with a lovely little Azkaban twist

OOC: This fic involved the canon character Fay Dunbar, but she has been aged down two years to be in the year below Ginny rather than in Harry’s year. Super brief appearances by Remus and Andromeda. @juniperthelionheart 

Sirius prowled through the halls, unsettled as he always was by how familiar it was but different at the same time. Most of the portraits were the same, but the people and even smells were not. In his human form, he may not have noticed it, but Sirius didn’t spend much time as a human anymore.

He paused, crouching down behind a tapestry near the Gryffindor common room portrait. If anyone looked too closely they would see him, but the only flag that would raise would be an illicit pet roaming the halls.

The portrait opened, and someone stepped through the portrait. Although his head was hidden, based on what he could hear, he was pretty sure there were two girls who had walked out, and they were moving rather quickly.

“Wait, Fay! Fay!” A male voice that matched with a pair of heavy footsteps came rushing through the portrait. “Dunbar!”

Sirius froze.

“No, Seamus. I don’t care. Whatever the excuse is, I don’t care.”

Seamus. That one was in Harry’s year; he’d figured that much out, and Sirius tried to focus on him, but it was hard when he’d heard her name. Had Jasper had children?

“But Fay—”

“Seamus, stop talking!”

The authority in her voice sent shivers down Sirius’ spine, and he popped his head out without even thinking. He froze at what he saw.

Of the two girls, it was clear which had been speaking, and Sirius might have gasped as a human at how much she looked like Juniper. Her face was softer, less angular, and her hair much darker, but the resemblance was still striking. Even as he tried to convince himself, Sirius doubted more and more that Jasper could be her father.

He watched frozen as she continued to argue with the Finnigan boy before turning on her heel and marching off with her friend. The walk wasn’t quite the same, but there was no doubt the girl carried herself like her mother.

Seamus watched her walk away, shoulders sagging with a defeat that reminded him of a young Peter. The very idea filled him with rage, and Sirius growled without meaning to. Seamus whirled around, a smile breaking across his face as he saw Sirius.

“Hey buddy,” he said, crouching down with his hand out. “Who do you belong to?” He make a clicking sound of beckoning that Sirius couldn’t stand, and since his cover was blown away, Padfoot took off down the hall. After rounding a few corners, he ducked into a passageway, mouth lolling out in a pant as he thought.

Juniper had a daughter. Juniper had a daughter with her own surname. Obviously she had to younger than Harry because Juniper certainly didn’t have a kid running around when they’d been together.

He squeezed his eyes shut with a whine, not wanting to think about that time. He’d been happy and naïve and lied to by Peter. The happy moments with people like James, Remus, Lily, and Harry hurt for everything that could have been if Peter hadn’t betrayed them. Thinking about Juniper hurt in different ways. He knew Remus now hated his guts. He didn’t know how she felt. He only knew she hadn’t been at the trial.

Maybe she’d been running into someone else’s arms in comfort. Maybe it had been a one night stand or maybe it had been common law, but clearly she’d found her way to someone else.

Because he hated himself and had for the past twelve years, Sirius began to do the math.

Harry had been born at the last possible minute to be in his year, and if she was the same, that would make her October-made. October of… He paused, going cold despite the fur covering him. October of 1981. November at the latest if she’d come early.

Sirius swallowed hard. It was possible. If it was an immediate rebound gone wrong, it was possible. He hated to think about what that would have put Juniper through, dealing with knowledge of what he’d supposedly done and a new baby from someone else.

But what if.

No, Sirius physically shook his head, fur flopping about.

Fay could not be his child. There was no possible way. Juniper would have told him if she was pregnant. The very idea that he could have a child filled him with a kind of dread Sirius had never experienced in Azkaban, and he thought he’d felt it all.

Sirius raised his head and let out a howl to get out his feelings.

As soon as he’d done it, Sirius knew he shouldn’t have, and he quickly dashed down the passageway to get as far from his own noise as possible. He could not get caught over something that might not be true.

Throughout the year, Sirius stayed focused on his mission. Peter needed to die, and Harry needed to be protected. But he couldn’t help shadowing Fay Dunbar whenever the occasion arose. He learned she was a first year who was boggled by her best friend’s muggle devices and preferred caramel to chocolate. She didn’t have Juniper’s nose, and he spent an hour one evening in Myrtle’s bathroom trying to decide if she had his. It could be.

Peter remained his primary concern. Then Peter got away.

But Harry. Harry was everything Sirius could have hoped for and more. He had friends who were smart and brave, and Sirius couldn’t help thinking Harry was everything James and Lily could have wanted. He was amazing.

Sirius couldn’t be with him for now, but he knew Sirius would be there for him.

Even better, Remus had seen it all and finally forgiven him. Remus didn’t hate him anymore. Sirius went from having nothing in the world to his best friend and a godson.

And now he had nothing to distract himself from the issue of Fay Dunbar. He might have a daughter to add to his growing list of people left in his world.

While staying with Remus, Sirius worked up the nerve to ask about Juniper. She’d never gotten married, but after it all, Remus hadn’t been able to stay in contact with her. (Sirius tried not to begrudge him for it.) He confirmed that Fay was Juniper’s but couldn’t tell Sirius when she’d been born. “Spring, maybe summer,” was the best estimate he could give.

Driven to desperation, he reached out to Andy. After many tears—and a few conversations with his niece—Sirius finally asked what he’d been afraid to. She pursed her lips and said she’d do it. According to hospital records, Fay Dunbar had been born May 16, 1982.

Juniper was almost three months pregnant when he went to Azkaban.

In late June, Sirius finally found himself on her doorstep. It wasn’t until after he knocked that his heart seized at the thought of Fay answering the door.

Because of that panic, he wasn’t properly prepared to see Juniper for the first time in almost thirteen years.

For a moment, they stood staring at each other, neither breathing.

Finally Juniper spoke. “You came.”

“I came,” he said and had to take a shaky breath. “I’m here.”

They stared for a moment longer before Juniper moved so suddenly that Sirius had little time to react. He barely had his arms up in time to catch her. Once she was there, though, he couldn’t let go.

The two of them stood locked in an embrace on her front step for longer than Sirius could care to guess. When they finally moved apart, Juniper let out a nervous giggle. Sirius realized he still had his arms loosely wrapped around her waist. He thought about pulling back, but he was feeling selfish.

His voice was soft as he asked, “Does she know?”

He felt the shiver run through Juniper’s body. “You know about her?” she whispered.

Sirius nodded, not trusting himself to speak but trying anyway. “I-um, I saw her… At Hogwarts.”

Juniper’s eyes widened, and Sirius realized belatedly how threatening that could have sounded, especially when Juniper didn’t know the truth. Her child’s father was an infamous murder… who had found her at Hogwarts.

She nodded toward the open door. “Maybe you’d better come in.”

When Sirius hesitated, Juniper added, “She isn’t home. She’s at a friend’s. She won’t be back for a couple days.”

He followed her into the house, pausing in the doorway to look around. It clearly belonged to a teenager, but Sirius could see signs of Juniper anywhere. He saw a small box up on the fireplace, and Sirius moved toward it without thinking. “You still have it,” he said quietly as he picked up the music box. It had been his present to her on their first anniversary.

“How could I have gotten rid of it?”

“I figured you wouldn’t want to keep any evidence of your relationship with a murderer.”

They both stood still, not looking at each other as they both debated how to continue forward.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Juniper look up, a familiar stubborn set to her jaw. “You’re not a murderer.”

“You’re not even going to ask?” Sirius said and immediately wondered why he seemed determine to pick a fight.

“I don’t have to,” she said. “I’ve always known you aren’t.”

He turned, arms opening as he moved toward her again. They stood in a hug again, and when Juniper let go, she kept one arm around him as she walked them over to the couch, both touching the other as they went.

On the side table was a picture of Juniper and Fay. Sirius picked up the photo, fingers tracing over the frame as he studied in. Next to each other, the resemblance was even more striking than he’d suspected. They even had the same smile. When he looked up at Juniper, he found her watching him with a strained smile, sadness heavy in her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.

“I was going to.” Juniper looked down, and Sirius wrapped an arm around her again automatically, unable to stop touching her now that she was in front of him. “I actually knew… that night. I was waiting until your birthday because I’d only known for a couple days.” She swallowed hard. “It was going to be a surprise, part of your present that we were having a baby.”

“We were having a baby.”

Sirius could practically hear how the conversation would have gone, and despite wanting to stay strong, he felt tears coming to his eyes. He’d been fighting them off from the moment he’d laid eyes on Juniper, but knowing her plan was too much.

Juniper held him, letting Sirius bury his head against her neck as he wept, and she continued to speak quietly above him. “I almost told you anyway. I had enough Ministry friends that someone could have pulled some strings and let me see you or at least tell you. Riya talked me out of it, but I can’t blame her for it. You were headed to Azkaban for life. I was never going to see you again. It… I was afraid it would hurt you more.”

“It would have,” he choked out. Sirius stayed there another minute, and despite the silence, Juniper let him.

When he finally sat up, they locked eyes, saying more in that moment than the entire time they’d been talking.

“Tell me about her,” Sirius requested. “Tell me about Fay.”

Juniper smiled, her face lighting up with a kind of love Sirius wasn’t used to seeing. “Her full name is Faydra Siriana Dunbar.”

“Siriana,” he repeated, tears returning to his eyes. He was able to hold it together enough for her to continue, although he continued to cry through her explanation of Fay’d stubborn spirit—“inherited from both of us, I’m sure”—her creativity, the natural ability she had a broom, and her natural ability in charms. Sirius’ smile grew the more she said about their daughter.

“She sounds perfect,” Sirius said, reaching out to brush a strand of hair out of her face. He hesitated, but Juniper never had given him an answer for the question she’d asked outside. “Did you tell her about me?”

Juniper looked down, and that look told him everything he needed to know. Sirius drew back, although he knew he was being unfair. Juniper was completely within her right to have not told Fay, and he should have assumed as much when she hadn’t told him either.

“When you broke out last summer,” Juniper began, speaking slowly and carefully, “I almost told her. I… Part of me hoped you were coming here.”

Sirius ducked his head, flooding with shame all over again. He’d considered it. He’d strongly considered finding her, but he’d needed to deal with Peter and see Harry. As much as he had wanted to, Sirius hadn’t been able to consider the rejection that might come with seeing her.

“She knows now.”

Sirius jerked his head up, staring at her with wide eyes. “When did you tell her?”

Juniper shook her head. “I didn’t. She’s a smart girl. I didn’t have to tell her anything because she figured it out. When she was freaked out before school started and again at Christmas break, I told her she didn’t need to worry about you and that everything would be all right. I… I’ve been crying a lot. No, don’t feel guilty!”

Sirius’ eyes widened as she grabbed the sides of his head. “Don’t you dare hate yourself for that, Sirius Black! With everything you went through, me crying a bit isn’t something to dwell on.” She continued as though the interruption hadn’t happened. “She’s good at arithmancy and math too. Plus, I wasn’t exactly subtle on her name. We were on our way back from the train when the school year ended when she asked me pointblank. I couldn’t lie to her.”

Sirius took a deep breath through his nose, searching her face for any hint of how the conversation had gone. “How did she take it?”

“She surprised me,” Juniper admitted. “She didn’t make any accusations or bring up the rumors about your arrest and escape. She asked how we met, if I loved you.”

He rubbed the back of his fingers against her cheek. “I loved you. I never stopped.”

Her eyes shined, and Juniper tilted her head up to blink back tears. “I know,” she said, voice breaking. “I never stopped loving you either. And—”

She broke off, letting out a few shaky breaths against his shoulder as they embraced again. “I told her everything,” she said. “All the things I’ve kept bottled up for years I told her. I told her about your smile, about the way we were when we were together. I didn’t tell her we started off as…” She laughed, not sure how to put it. “I did explain that I was drawn to you and that we ended up together without meaning to. I explained that I loved you and that you loved me and that you weren’t the person that The Prophet made you out to be. I—”

Juniper stopped, pulling back to look him in the eye. “I told her that if she wanted and if you came to find us… that I wanted you in our lives.”

Sirius didn’t think, he didn’t analyze. He reacted on instinct, pulling her in for a tight hug. “You want me? You still want me?”

“I do,” Juniper said, and Sirius could feel against his shirt that she was crying again. He realized he was too.

Without pulling away, he asked, “What did Fay say?”

“She’s a little apprehensive,” Juniper admitted as she finally pulled back, her hands still firmly on Sirius’ arms. “She wants to know you, though. You’re her father, and if you’ll accept her, she wants to love you.”

“I do,” he said, voice breaking. “I want to. I- I already do. I already love her. I love her as much as I love you.”

“I love you too,” Juniper whispered.

The two looked at each other for a moment before Sirius leaned in, and Juniper met him halfway for their first kiss in twelve years.

As they broke apart, Juniper rested her forehead against his. “I could send an owl,” she said quietly. “I could ask Fay to come home early.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready,” Sirius admitted. “You said she’ll be gone a couple days?”

Juniper nodded without speaking.

“I could… stay?” Sirius suggested. “We could let her stay with her friend, and we get to know each other over again—get on the same page before she gets back.”

He shivered, afraid of what Juniper would say, even after all this, but she smiled and reached up to run a hand through his hair. It wasn’t as bad as it had been. Thanks to people like Remus, he’d been able to clean himself up, but he knew it wasn’t as nice as it had been once upon a time. Juniper didn’t seem to notice.

“I’d like that,” she said. “I want to know you again, Sirius. I love you. I want to be the family we should have been.”

Sirius pressed another kiss against the corner of her mouth. “I love you, Juniper. I want to be a family too.”

[bjro233]

The Life of a Gay Man and His Need To Prove It

#1 The “Gay Gene”

               Although it has only been found in males, a linkage to males and homosexuality has been discovered by Dean Hamer and colleagues. On X chromosomes there is an unidentified gene that these scientists have named Xq28, which they relate directly to homosexuality. It’s a very controversial theory but ultimately purposes so many answers.            

#2 Evidence is Mounting for Homosexual Men

               “In 1993, genetic variations in a region on the X chromosome in men were linked to whether they were heterosexual or homosexual, and in 1995, a region on chromosome 8 was identified.” says Andy Coghlan from thenewscientist.com. This just proves that no, gay men don’t just wake up one morning and say “Hey, I wanna try dick today.”

#3 The Third Gender: Muxes

              In southern Mexico, the Zapotec people recognize a third gender called Muxes. In our culture, they would be known as homosexual people and transgendered people. This just makes me realize that some cultures, although so old, are so ahead of their time, open-minded, and progressive. Another reason to yell @ Donald Trump, don’t build the damn wall.  

  #4 We Are Not Alone

              Listen, science isn’t the only thing that proves this theory. Look at our environment and what isn’t directly affected by or altered by humans. “Homosexual behaviour is a natural biological feature and is common among non-human animals. In at least one species – sheep – individual animals have been known to form lasting preferences for same-sex partners.” says Australias Science Channel. Fun Fact: the oldest living tortoise who was thought to be female but was actually male only mated with males. Thus showing why no babies were being born.

#5 Should We Care About Giving Reason To Being Gay?

                Of course, being gay myself, you’re faced with a lot of harassment, questioning, judgment, and bigotry. Religion really attacks you, and you’re forced to feel like an outcast and forced into a stereotype. So, given the chance and these scientific findings, it can help explain to people who don’t believe/understand. It normalizes sexuality, it lowers being/feeling like a minority. “It adds yet more evidence that sexual orientation is not a ‘lifestyle choice’. But the real significance is that it takes us one step closer to understanding the origins of one of the most fascinating and important features of human beings.” says Dean Hammer from newscientist.com.

#6 Being A Watermelon in A Sea Full of Cacti

                      One word: Grindr. If you’re a gay male, you either gagged or hid your face in shamefulness for using the app. My need to prove myself starts here, it completely drains lives of romance and relationship oriented people. It sends a message that all gay men are they same, they’re horny and only want to bone. “The mental health professionals I spoke to are seeing problematic Grindr use in their clinics. And there is little published guidance on how to help those who are struggling.” says Jack Turban with Vox.com. This app is notorious for only being used to have sex, and it’s showing and obviously causing detrimental effects on gay men.

#7 Breaking Stereotypes One Straight @ A Time

                    Growing up, I only had girlfriends. Instead of playing basketball or throwing a football at recess, after school, in college, etc... I jumped rope. I learned how to french braid, I sang and danced. I yearned for the male on male friendship, or bromance you may say. I never got it because theres a stereotype, “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, but if he hits on me its game over.” Now, I can say once straight cis men give me a shot, they realize the stupidity behind it. I always here, “I’m not gay, but you’re one of the coolest dudes.” which isn’t ideal, but it’s progress.                    

#8 Trouble in the Workplace

                     When I bring up LGBTQ issues to acquaintances, a lot of the times i’m faced with “I don’t think gay people have a lot of issues nowadays”. But we dont, thats why I feel its so important for me to prove myself, my life, and what comes along with it. The facts, the struggles, the ugly truth. “59% said that where they live, they are less likely to be afforded employment opportunities because they are part of the LGBTQ community. One in five stated that they have had difficulty when applying for positions.” says victoryinstitute.net

#9 Let’s Prove Stats Wrong!

               Statistics can be demeaning, not all the time are they helpful or good. Sadly, for the LGBTQ+ community, the stats are disheartening. For example, LGBTQ people are 5X as likely to commit suicide than heterosexual people says thetrevorproject.org. 77% of LGBTQ youth reported are depressed, have anxiety, and/or have feelings of worthlessness says hrc.org. So, to all the heterosexual people out there wondering where their “Straight month” or “Straight parade is”, you have it, 11 months out of the year because you dont have struggles like that.

#10 Trans People are Simply, People.

                  Working with white, privileged, conservative, middle-to-upper class women, i’m forced to hear a lot of what they believe and how they think and what political decision they have recently made. Now and then, obvious and not so obvious transgendered women come into the store to shop and they outwardly treat them different or question the “real gender” of the person. I ask myself why whatever is under their clothes matter so much to them. When I tell them they are a woman, and that’s all they are, they are confused and partly agitated because I didn’t give them the answer they wanted to hear. Saddening fact? In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25 says thetrevorproject.org. Maybe if we stop making people feel so different, and start working toward progression instead of sticking our nose where it doesnt belong, we could actually get somewhere. Proving myself, to help the Trans community.

#11 “Gay People Can’t Naturally Reproduce”

                          I want a family, I want someone to call my husband. My son or daughter, my family. I need that in my life weather it is “natural” or not. People are so pressed about the natural way of things, but they can’t see that a majority of LGBTQ people who don’t reproduce via a man and a woman, help reduce the amount of foster children.14,000 foster children are being raised by Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual foster parents says Movement Advanced Project. Just because I am a man, married to a man, with our own children doesn’t make us any less capable for raising a family. 

#12 LG(B)TQ+

                Another group of people that are drastically hated on for being themselves. Human beings can’t grasp that someone may actually be more concerned about someones personality rather than their sexual organs. According to 2013 research by the University of Pittsburgh, 15% of people did not categorize bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality, with straight men being three times as likely to think it's "not a thing." People looking at you and just thinking you’re fake or just too horny. It’s pathetic, hence another reason to prove myself, my sexuality, for the other groups in my community.

#13 You Can Be Cured With Some Treatment & Religion - Mackelmore

                     Ever since before me, for a very long time, we were taught that there are conversion treatments, that being gay was a mental disability, a deformity. There were actually shock therapy treatments and conversion camps for LGBTQ+ people, people were killed in the midst of these treatments. But heres, *tap tap* the mutha f*ucking, *tap tap* TEA! American Psychological Association undertook a thorough review of the existing research on the efficacy of conversion therapy and their report noted that there was very little  research on sexual orientation change efforts (SOCEs) and that the "results of scientifically valid research indicate that it is unlikely that individuals will be able to reduce same-sex attractions or increase other-sex sexual attractions through SOCE." says hrc.com. Today there are still states that legalize this method!! Stop this!!

#14 The Importance of PRIDE

                   This isn’t just a time for LGBTQ+ people and allies to strut down the street in cute colorful clothing. This parade we participate in is a lesson, its teaching others about what we’re trying to do. Policies, laws, and other arguments we want and need heard. During the 2000s, battles at local, state, and national levels were being fought for marriage equality. Pride parades were utilized to educate the public, generate support, and encourage lawmakers to vote in favor of LGBT rights says thegayfamilylawmaker.com. We need to educate people on the education pride parades actually do. If it wasn’t for these parades, we wouldn’t have made the progress we have today. 

#15 The Audacity!?

                 My need to prove myself may be... borderline pathetic. HOWEVER, it’s so important and necessary in today’s society. The fact that just in 1982, it was okay to openly discriminate against LGBTQ people. IN 1996, it was BANNED to marry unless it was between a man and a women. Only in 2011 was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” finally repealed. This may sound like good news... but then BAM! THIS YEAR, President Trump banned Transgender people from being in the military.(CNN.com) Every time we feel like we’re ahead, we get knocked back down a few steps. This is why it is important, this is why it is necessary, this is why i’m doing it. 

REFERENCES

https://australiascience.tv/science-of-sexuality/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cross-cultural-evidence-for-the-genetics-of-homosexuality/

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2155810-what-do-the-new-gay-genes-tell-us-about-sexual-orientation/

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/genetics-dna-homosexuality-gay-orientation-attractiveness-straight

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/10/giant-study-links-dna-variants-same-sex-behavior

https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/19/us/lgbt-rights-milestones-fast-facts/index.html

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/4/4/17177058/grindr-gay-men-mental-health-psychiatrist

https://victoryinstitute.org/issue-at-a-glance-lgbtq-employment-discrimination/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.00001tfv8n5yekdvsq5f6al6h6i7u

https://www.hrc.org/resources/2018-lgbtq-youth-report

https://justlists.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/familyequality/

[csnews]

Heartache in the San Juan Islands: Locals grieve as resident orcas face extinction

Jamie Hale - September 14, 2018

The orca calf lived for only half an hour, but the mother spent 17 days carrying its body on her nose this summer, crossing the Salish Sea from the San Juan Islands into Canadian waters and back in a visceral display of animal grief that captivated whale watchers around the globe.

Tahlequah, also known as J35, was far from the first mother to grieve. Her population of southern resident orcas hasn’t seen a successful birth in three years. Over the last two decades, three-quarters of their calves have died.

Ken Balcomb, lead scientist at the Center for Whale Research on San Juan Island, said the three pods that make up the most iconic killer whale population in the Pacific Northwest have rebounded from loss before, but this time they seem to be headed in one direction.

“Extinction,” he said. “They’re not going to make it.”

Other populations of Pacific Northwest orcas – like the northern residents that live off the upper coast of Vancouver Island, and the transient killer whales that roam the ocean freely – are doing fine, Balcomb said. It’s only the southern residents that are in trouble.

The humans closest to the southern resident orcas consider them family, and already people are beginning to grieve. It’s a heartache that tears at the cultural fabric of the San Juan Islands, where residents’ lives are deeply intertwined with the creatures.

The problem is not only a dwindling food supply, but also the heavy pollution in the Puget Sound, where orcas have been feasting on salmon runs for tens of thousands of years. Orcas are apex predators, capable of hunting anything in the ocean, but the resident killer whales of the Pacific Northwest eat a diet that consists almost exclusively of chinook salmon – a food source that has steadily declined since the 1980s.

The recent struggles of the southern residents have garnered international headlines, and locals in the San Juan Islands hope it will lead to quick action by Washington Gov. Jay Inslee and his new task force dedicated to helping the three local pods. Marine researchers like Balcomb are calling for the breaching of four dams on the lower Snake River in southeast Washington, a plan that could provide the orcas with much-needed salmon. But the idea has already galvanized fierce opposition from lawmakers who argue the dams provide a crucial source of electricity, irrigation and recreation.

“Here we are stuck in the human paradigm, and [the orcas] are stuck in the human paradigm too,” Balcomb said. “There will be extinction with the current trends. We need to change the trends or just write them off.”

A ‘SLOW-MOVING EXTINCTION’

Jeff Friedman steered his boat around the edge of Patos Island, where tall black dorsal fins emerged from the water. The view was phenomenal – the Patos Island Lighthouse framed by Mount Baker – but all eyes were on the killer whales, which were busy feasting on an unlucky porpoise.

After sharing the meal, the orcas rounded the island and swam into the Strait of Georgia, where another small pod came to meet them. As the sun sank behind Vancouver Island, the orcas rolled over one another, slapped their tails on the water, and leapt from the water in unison.

Everybody on the boat was struck with awe, Friedman included. “It’s so emotional, spiritual – it’s deep, it’s a deep experience,” Friedman, captain and co-owner of Maya’s Legacy Whale Watching said. “Orcas are definitely my religion, and this is my temple.”

Friedman, however, recognized an important distinction: these orcas were hunting porpoise. That means they weren’t southern residents but transient killer whales, which eat other mammals instead of relying on salmon. They don’t call any one place home, but they’ve been coming to the San Juan Islands more often in recent years, and while tourists might not know the difference, to locals they’re not the same.

The humans who have inhabited the Salish Sea have always had a strong relationship with the local pods of orcas. But it wasn’t until the 1970s that anybody knew much about the ancient, mysterious creatures, and not until after people began killing and capturing them in large numbers.

As recently as the 1960s, fishermen shot at the predators with guns and harpoons, considering them pests and a public threat. But local aquarium owners in the ‘60s and ‘70s saw value in the animals, developing techniques to capture orcas and make them prime attractions at places like SeaWorld.

The public became enamored of the beautiful creatures, which boosted aquarium profits but also caused a backlash against methods used to obtain orcas. In 1975, after mounting pressure from both activists and lawmakers, the U.S. government allocated funds to research killer whale populations in the Pacific Northwest, with one big question in mind: How many orcas were left?

Ken Balcomb, fresh from a stint with the Navy, proposed a fresh idea: documenting the local orca population by photographing each animal’s “saddle patch,” a unique marking underneath the dorsal fin. The method was first developed by marine biologist Michael Bigg, and Balcomb put it to use.

Starting in April 1976, he spent the spring and summer following the southern resident orcas around the Salish Sea. He learned that the population was divided into three distinct pods – dubbed J, K and L – each with its own social structure and behaviors, like clans within a tribe. He also got an accurate count of their population: 71 animals, far fewer than anyone thought.

That same year, Washington state declared a moratorium on capturing orcas from state waters, and in 1982, his research helped convince the International Whaling Commission to enact a worldwide ban on commercial whaling.

With protections in place, the southern resident population rebounded, reaching a population of 98 in 1995. But since then, their numbers have steadily decreased alongside dwindling salmon runs and researchers remain skeptical they will bounce back again, headed for what Balcomb calls a “slow-moving extinction.”  

The youngest of the southern residents, a 3-year-old female called J50, was feared dead Thursday despite weeks of scientists’ efforts to help the emaciated, ailing calf. Her death would bring the population to 74, the lowest number since 1984. If calves continue to die for the next five years, Balcomb said, the population will become functionally extinct.

“You might have some living whales at the end of this century, but we’re likely to have no reproducing whales at the end of a decade,” Balcomb said.

Researchers like Balcomb have been coming to the islands for decades to study orcas. Most populations live in the open ocean, where it’s next to impossible to track them, but in the Salish Sea their behavior is more predictable – they follow the salmon. That fact has forged an unusually strong bond between the ocean predators and the humans with whom they share the sea.

“They are the charismatic megafauna of the marine environment around here. They absolutely captivate you to watch them,” Balcomb said. “You’re in the presence of something that’s obviously bigger than you and maybe spiritually beyond us too – socially they are. They’re pretty awesome.”

It’s hard to overstate how important these particular orcas are to the San Juan Islands. Locals have become accustomed to regular sightings in spring and summer, both onshore and in the water, where the animals nuzzle the underside of their boats and swim up to their kayaks. In Friday Harbor, killer whales are depicted on murals, emblazoned on signs, sold on T-shirts, bags of coffee and in the form of plush toys.

Becki Day, executive director of the San Juan Island Chamber of Commerce, said the most common question the visitors center receives (after “where are the bathrooms?”) is “where can I see the whales?” She said the extinction of the resident orcas would definitely affect local businesses.

“The community loves them, they really do. Everybody loves them. We want them to survive and not just for the business part,” she said.

For Friedman, who runs about 250 whale watching trips every year, the loss carries more of an emotional impact than economic. Because even if the southern residents go extinct, there might still be orcas in the Salish Sea.

AGE OF THE TRANSIENTS

Lack of salmon may be forcing local orcas to go off in search of food, but the plentiful supply of seals and porpoise have been attracting more transient orcas to the San Juan Islands.

According to researchers, the presence of the transient orcas won’t help or hurt the southern residents. The two populations are considered subspecies that speak different dialects and generally don’t interact. If anything, the absence of the southern residents might allow the intruding transients more freedom to hunt around the islands.

To tourists, an orca is an orca, but for locals it’s not that simple.

“As interesting as they are, and as much as we connect with them as well, the identity of Friday Harbor and this region was built on southern residents. You can’t just swap out one population for another and say nothing’s changed,” Friedman said.

Balcomb agrees. When you go out on a boat, “you’re hoping to see a southern resident,” he said. The southern residents are easy for experienced whale watchers to identify, distinguished by their behavior, social structures and saddle patches, which researchers like Balcomb have long since learned by heart.

The transients, on the other hand, are strangers. Many have been identified, but nobody knows when they’ll come and go or how long they’ll stick around. The people who live in the San Juan Islands are used to the regularity and familiarity of their neighborhood orcas, the animals they’ve lived with for decades, through baby booms and, for the foreseeable future, tragic deaths.

“They are the most family-oriented animals I have ever seen – everything is about family,” Friedman said. For him, losing the local orcas is like losing members of his own family. “You can’t help but break down in tears knowing what’s going on and knowing how difficult it is for these animals.”

For San Juan Island native Gordy Petersen, 65, it’s all made for a strange few decades. In the 1950s and ‘60s, fishermen didn’t think twice about shooting at orcas, he said. But by the ‘80s, locals were organizing whale watching tours just to see them. Now, there’s talk of the resident orcas being gone completely.

When he was a teenager he witnessed a capture in a nearby bay, watching from a boat as captors worked to wrangle an orca.

“I didn’t like that. It was fascinating, but it was sort of disturbing at the same time,” he said.

Now the owner of a building in downtown Friday Harbor, Petersen still has mixed feelings about the struggle of the southern residents. It would be sad to see them go extinct, he said, but nature will fill the void somehow.

Transient orcas will still probably come, whale watching boats will still go out, and businesses in Friday Harbor will hum along, telling tourists the sad story of the orcas that once called this place home.

“Friday Harbor has been here before the whale craze and it’ll be here after,” Petersen said. “People come here because it’s a beautiful place and that’s not going to change.”

WHERE TO SEE ORCAS IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

Washington

Your best bet to see killer whales anywhere is on a whale watching boat in the San Juan Islands in Washington. Most tour companies are based in Friday Harbor, but Anacortes has some as well. You’ll likely see southern resident and transient orcas, but you might also see humpback whales, gray whales and porpoises. Oregon

Orca sightings are rarer on the Oregon coast, but they do happen regularly. The southern residents are known to occasionally feast on salmon runs at the mouth of the Columbia River, but you’ll need some luck to see them. The same goes for transients, which show up unannounced to feed on sea lions and seals. Canada

If your passport is current, you can cross the border and find orcas around Vancouver Island, which has whale watching outfits based in Victoria, Sidney and towns along both coasts. On the north side of the island, you can see the northern resident orcas, which feed along the Johnstone Strait in summer and fall.  

[iridescentseverus-blog]

hey you can make some recommendations of snarry with time travel?

Oh, I love asks like this! Thank you, luv!I have read countless genres, and time travel is always a favourite of mine. I don’t know if these are classics or anything, or if they’ve been mentioned a million times already, but these are the ones I’ve read time and again and love more and more every time. I hope you enjoy!

Also, sorry I talked so much. I’m just really passionate about the fics I love, I suppose, haha!

The Care of Infants by Perfica (13k+ words | complete) 

A curse from Voldemort regresses Harry to infancy. Snape must protect him while the Order tries to find a way to reverse the spell.

This isn’t exactly time travel, but I use every excuse I can to talk about this story because it was one of my firsts and still one of my favourites to this day. It’s an age-regression piece, so it’s time travel-esque because Harry’s a different age, maybe? It’s just so good and such a beautiful story between these two. Sorry, haha, I’ll get to the legitimate time travel ones after this, don’t worry.

A Place Between Sleep and Waking by r_grayjoy (28k+ words | complete)

More than a year after Voldemort’s defeat, Harry is still having nightmares about Snape’s death.  When his dreams gradually begin to change, so do his perceptions.  Ultimately, Harry discovers that when one lives in both the past and the future, it’s difficult to find one’s present.

This is a strange twist on ‘time travel’ as it begins with Harry travelling somewhere in his dreams and slowly becoming more corporal and such. It’s a fascinating, powerful, and beautiful love story between him and a younger, impressionable, and lonely Severus. I highly recommend it. One of my favs!

Rapture by mia_ugly (48k+ words | complete)

Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday.

Now, this is a classic. At least, I think it is. This seems like such a famous one for me, and it’s well-deserved. It’s a very beautiful story (I’m probably going to say that for all of them). It’s a tad confusing, with the shifts in time and the back-and-forth, but it’s so worth it. Their love is so intense, and the physics of it is so intriguing. I read it all in one sitting, which is not something I usually do for a fic this long. Great, great read, a must in this community.

Between the Lines by Dementordelta (22k+ words | complete)

Harry discovers a secret in his Potions text and a friend in the Half-Blood Prince.

Okay, I’m really excited because I just found this in the depths of my bookmarked works, and I remembered just how good it was! This is another iffy one because it’s not technically time travel, but present-age Harry is communicating with a younger Severus, so it still counts to me. Give this one a chance for sure, because it’s so sweet. It’s very angsty, since it’s set just before and during the battle, so just be warned. Something to note with me, though, all of my recs will have a happy ending of some sort. I don’t like unsatisfying or sad ones.

This Time of Ours by emynn (35k+ words | complete)

Severus Snape wasn’t supposed to die. Neither was Harry Potter.

Oh my god, this one. This is absolutely incredible. One of the best. It’s such a unique and imaginative story, and their love is so precious. You can literally feel it with every word, it’s so obvious that they cherish each other. The story itself, like, aside from the romance is also fascinating. There’s a very cool mystery that has a lot of twists and turns to figure out, and the story is written so whenever you think you have the answer, you’re just as mistaken as the characters themselves. Fabulous read.

Escaping the Paradox by Meri (35k+ words | complete)

After Harry is thrown back in time to 1971, he has several choices to make.

This is another brilliant piece. It’s quintessential Snarry time travel. I always have a soft spot for younger Severus and Older Harry, it’s just such a strange and fun dynamic. And trust me, this Severus is still the same ol’ Sev. It’s so full of humour, canon story references, and sweet love. It’s a very satisfying read, I have nothing bad to say about it.

Perfect Shapes by Ashii Black, littleblackbow (49k+ words | complete)

When Harry is accidentally sent back to Hogwarts 1982, he discovers a more bitter and angrier Snape than he knew in his school years. Tasked by Dumbledore with teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and befriending Snape, as well as finding out how to get back, Harry knows he is in store for a difficult year. Despite their arguing, Harry can’t help but find himself drawn to Snape. If Harry and Snape can get over their past and learn to be just a little selfish, their relationship may stand a chance.

This. This. THIS. God, this one has such a special place in my heart. These four chapters ripped my soft little heart apart. It was so good. The boys really struggle in this one, but the more intensely they fight, the more intensely they love. They are meant for each other in every way here, and it’s leaves you with such a good feeling. Couldn’t recommend this more, it’s, well…perfect.

My Name is Cameron Sage by thesewarmstars (41k+ words | complete)

Things are going poorly for the side of the light, and in a last-ditch effort to fulfill his destiny, Harry goes back in time to try again.

This is one I’ve admittedly only read through once. I really need to read it again and experience this delightful story once more. This was is definitely fluffier than the others. The ending, oh, it makes me just melt. The boys are absolute fools in love, and it’s just too good. I love this story, and it looks a lot longer than it is. Nineteen chapters went by in an instant for me. 

Original Sin by Dementordelta (14k+ words | complete)

Leave it to Harry Potter to interfere with every aspect of Severus Snape’s life–and death.

This is completely not at all as morbid as it might sound! It’s not exactly time travel, but Severus and Harry both died and are in an Eden-esque setting, which is good enough for me. This one is way happier than a lot of this lot, despite its summary. It’s actually quite fun, and Death (yes, Death is a character) is absolutely hysterical. This fic is worth the read just for him, if I’m honest. It’s all good, but I love a smutty, comedic fic that doesn’t take itself so seriously. Not cracky, though, just funny.

Back In Time by Snarry5evr (26k+ words | complete)

After Nagini’s attack Severus wakes to find himself in an impossible future. Married to The Boy Who Lived, Severus sets out to discover a way to keep himself from making the same mistake twice, because surely no sane version of Severus Snape would EVER fall in love with the arrogant brat.

Another hidden gem I had forgotten about until just now. This one was always so intriguing! The slightly confusing angst still tugs at my heartstrings on the beginning, but seriously, the love story here is so beautiful. Severus relearning just why he fell in love with Harry Potter is just… There’s nothing better. Very, very touching story. 

Time and Time Again by Mottlemoth (41k+ words | complete)

It’s eleven days since the fall of The Dark Lord - and Harry still can’t look away.Canon-compliant Snarry slash. (No, really.)

Luv, I really have to thank you for this ask because it’s reminding me of so many lovely stories I haven’t read in ages! This one is definitely a strange one, but in a good way. Like the summary states, it’s canon-compliant Snarry. Stuff like that just butters my eggroll, it really does. The writing is absolutely incredible, and I can’t dany that I’m so, so, so in love with this love story. It’s some good slow-burn, and it’s worth every second of reading and waiting.

Decade by gryffindorJ (27k+ words | complete)

Harry told him. Harry simultaneously felt the burden of his secret lift and the weight of what this would mean for Severus collapsed in on him. Severus certainly would be able to help and, at the same time, he was sure to feel betrayed that Harry was only telling him now.

This is a new one in my collection, so again, I’ve only read it once. However, it was fan-tas-tic. Literally, I couldn’t stop reading. I was so fascinated by Harry’s grief and mourning process. Every character was so developed and so well-written, I loved every second of it. Bittersweet, but very hopeful ending as well, which is all I need. As long as they’re together, anything is possible for these two lovebirds.

And finally, one of my most beloved, most cherished, most reread fanfictions ever…

Waiting to Divide by emynn (22k+ words | complete)

Harry always thought soul mates were the domain of overly-soppy romantics. What he didn’t realise was that they were very real, very dangerous, and very inconvenient…especially when your soul mate is the very dead Severus Snape. Fortunately, with the help of his friends and a Time Portal, he’s able to get past that pesky obstacle…and finds his life completely changed.

I’m not going to go super in depth about this one because you’ll never shut me up if I do that. Let me just say: read this one. If you read nothing else on this list, please, please read this one. It is so worth it. Soulmates and time travel? Ugh, it’s so good. Their love is so powerful and so beautiful, I cannot get enough of the two of them. It also follows the canon storyline (obviously, from the ‘very dead Severus Snape’ line), so the angst is strong in the one. But stick with it, it’s such a satisfying read.

Okay, well…oops. I didn’t mean to go super crazy here, but I just got inspired and wanted to give you (and anybody seeing this) lots of options. I hope you find ones you love, and thank you so, so much for this ask! I really appreciate the opportunity to give my two cents to this lovely community. xx