#maybe my aesthetic is just middle school boy. who knows.

[lighthouseas]

all things considered, i am pretty attractive actually

[callooopie]

Modern!Davos Blackwood headcannons (pt. 1?)

— SFW —

I’ll hit it from the back, just so you don’t get attached — i like the way you kiss me // artemas

I can definitely see myself making more of these. Adding to the modern! Davos lore. Not proofread. LMK if y’all have other ideas or headcannons too!

Benjicot Davos Blackwood. People call him Davos. Only close friends call him Ben. Only you can call him Benji. Although, he goes by his middle name usually. Now, bloody Ben? That’s a story to be told later on how he got... (There is no story. It’s just people saying “Shit.. there’s bloody Ben..” or something like that. There’s no violence to the name, only pure exasperation when people see him)

This is the boy you need to hide away in your closet or under your bed when your parents come checking in on you randomly. You could’ve been working on homework, or just hanging around. And somehow this “annoying” guy appeared outside your bedroom window—and you just had to let him in. “C’mooon, let me in sweetheart.. you think I can’t climb up there? Stand back, I’ll show you.”

He is the type of person to rant about how the education system is rigged, set up to fail students, or rant about it in general and as a whole. Anyway he’s got a 4.0, and makes it onto the dean’s list every semester in college. However he is always late to class—complete with either a Monster or Red Bull drink in tow.

He invites you over to his place like a gentleman. Ignore his “annoying fuckass” roommate.. (it’s Aeron.) He does the whole (“it’s a little messy :3”) as he leads you down the hall of their apartment. “Hello MTV, welcome to my crib.”

He cooks at that desk, game-wise. Faceit level is between 5-6. CSGO rank is Master Guardian II (He does tell you he once hit Global Elite. But he stopped the grind to focus on school, not because he’s washed or anything—maybe you could be his Valorant duo? Or be his support in League; he’ll have you know he makes a mean ADC.. do you do overnight discord calls?—)

If you play more casual games (Minecraft, stardew, etc) he will play with you, HOWEVER, he will either ruin the aesthetic of the minecraft world via automated farms OR speedrun the mines in stardew (he passes out so much it starts to affect the money you’re trying to save for farm upgrades). Every time he goes fishing in either game he puts on a country accent and makes “gone fishing, getting away from my bitch wife” jokes. “I’ve uh- carved out an area for the iron farm. Nothin’ too big—just something to get started.” (Shows you an utterly decimated and leveled biome)

Davos Blackwood fun fact no. 43; he does rallying (rally racing). He went to a rally school for fun over the summer. Ignore the price tag; yes he saved up for that! no it’s not dangerous! Regular driving wise he does donuts in empty parking lots, and takes corners way too fast. He is the type to street race a random ass pickup truck or some other car that pulls up beside him. It is thrilling, and he knows you enjoy it too despite your protests and how you grip the handle above the seat. “No it’s fine.. pfft—don’t worry don’t— I’ll smoke him. Just watch.”

Speaking of cars. Do not complain about his car. This is his baby. His one and only. It’s an old car; it’s so old it’s bordering not being considered street safe anymore. Ignore the anime girl stickers with their tits and ass out, that was there already he didn’t do that. “It’s safe don’t worry—I’m getting the bumper and everything fixed like Monday I swear.. no I did not hit anything why would you say that-“

He’s oddly in-tune with his emotions and emotions of others despite appearances. He’ll KNOW if something’s bothering you. Maybe you’re just a little too quiet, you laugh at a joke a little too late or even if it sounds unenthusiastic. Whatever it is, Davos is on the case. A hug, some pep talk, he’ll let you punch his palms to get any anger out. He’s your ride or die, of course he’d do anything for you. And maybe if it’s a person who upset you he might pay them a visit.. “Who was it this time? Oh—that bitch? Ugh. I’m sorry about that… I have a gun just saying—“

Needs your hand in his. Or some part of you touching him. Whatever works. If he does not get a modicum of affection in 5 minute intervals he shrivels up like a plant—no he’s not being dramatic. Is the type to whine loudly about it regardless of where you’re at. On occasion he lets out bloodcurdling screams as a joke, lamenting about being denied tender love from you. You think it’s funny in private, you do not think it’s funny in public. Which is why he always does it in public. “Gimme your hand. Wha? What do you mean ‘it’s too hot out’? I wanna.. I wanna hold your hand… I don’t care if you’re sweaty—LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND”

I do believe his brain would be.. a little rotted. He sends you tiktoks, niche memes, shitposts. He will watch twitch streams or league/csgo content creators on YouTube. His vocab is normal, but does consist of slang from the gaming community. This can be good and funny, or sometimes bad if he uses it during serious moments. However he’s at least a normal human being and knows when to talk ‘normally’. He says joever unironically

Shadow boxes you. No matter what’s happening or where. You could be looking at something in a store and you just see slow, dramatic punches going toward you. He makes the whooshing sound too. This is how you know he’s bored. He’s also the type to tackle you to the bed. Not in a sensual or cutesy way but in like a WWE way that initiates a caged fighting match between you two.

Regardless of your mastery level of skateboarding he will hold your hands and pull you around on his board. Late at night when the parks or lots are empty, you both will be there. And he’ll be a smiling goof as he gently steers you around on the board. He usually says fuck helmets (his one big flaw), but carries one around just for you. His safety be damned. Yours? No question about it, you’re wearing all the gear required.

Smoker. Red flag. Marlboros, sometimes he uses zyns. It’s bad. Yes he knows he’s going to get lung cancer and succumb to nicotine. But he just can’t help it—it helps him relax. It’s why there’s a plethora of gum and also a cologne bottle in his car. Does it help? That’s to be determined. Does not smoke near you however if you don’t like that, he’s not that bad of an asshole.

[aesthetixhoe]

random ethan landry head cannons — E.L.

warnings: some nsfw ones, nothing too bad, maybe slightly queer coded ethan? (some thoughts)

word count:

pronouns used: this is about ethan >:(

authors note: this is just to get something for ethan out while I work on my very long ethan fic :) nsfw in red <3

loves spider man

his fav holiday is halloween

he loves dressing up for it.

He had a short-lived cosplay phase. While that didn't work out, he still loves making costume parts, and takes Halloween very seriously.

his favorite color is blue <3 (regardless of what i say in later things)

he is such a movie nerd, omg

he will skip his classes to go see a movie the day it comes out, at the first showing. or if it's on a streaming service he will wake up early so that way he is one of the first people to watch it so he doesn't get anything spoiled.

he loves emojis. he will use all the hearts, the "aesthetic ones", and the ones like 😭😃😈 ironically

he doesn't post anything to instagram, snapchat, tiktok, anything. he just uses it to talk to people, take pictures with filters for fun, or to watch things

he's really oblivious to flirting.

unless you flat out say "I like you" or "you're really cute and I want to date you," he probably won't pick up on it.

he used to wear glasses, but got bullied, so he started wearing contacts :(

he loves syfy

he secretly loves romcoms and reality tv but he would never tell anyone

snack lover. his favorite being cheetos ofc

can cook "depression meals," and that's the end of his cooking expertise

definitely likes star wars

has star wars pajama pants

math is his favorite subject

wanted to have an emo phase but was too scared he would be bullied

likes COD and halo, but doesn't play it with people he knows cause he's scared he's bad :(

he is so insecure about everything. poor boy </3

loves pet names!!

he doesn't have a preface for him, but he loves using baby and sweetheart for his s/o

has for sure thought about chad in a sexual way.

he would never act on anything.

once told chad how he was insecure of his body, so chad started taking him to the gym with him

says he hates when chad is a hype man, but actually loves it

used to want to be an engineer when he grew up, but actually did it in middle school and didn't like it

was an honor roll student

has always wanted to travel somewhere outside the US, but doesn't know where

is an amazing cuddler

give great hugs

his hands are warm all the time

it makes him self-conscious when holding someone's hand, but he tries to ignore it

is a potato enjoyer

has a cat back home that he misses a lot

is awful at bowling

and most sports

it's not that he's not fit enough, he just has bad hand eye coordination

jackets >> hoodies

brushes, flosses, and uses mouthwash 2 times a day, EVERYDAY.

can eat 😼 like no other

takes pictures straight out of the shower, with just a towel around his waist to "see his gym progress"

catches on super quick to things his partner likes

is inexperienced, but still very skilled somehow??

knows where the clit is

is submissive, but he also wants to be dominate

will take whatever his s/o gives

love language is touch, even though he's scared in the beginning

once he gets used to his s/o he loves touching them

he likes hickeys.

whether they're on him or his s/o. he doesn't care. he likes them on him because it shows people he has someone who liked him enough to do that to him. and he likes them on the other person because it shows that they're his.

[pascaloverx]

As It Was

Chapter One

next chapter

Summary: "When your ex-husband shows up in the middle of the night, asking for your help, the right thing to do would be to leave him to fend for himself, wouldn't it?"

Our protagonist decides to embark on an adventure to clear her ex-husband's name as a scapegoat. Together with a small team, they will do whatever it takes to keep James Barnes away from prison and perhaps rekindle flames from the past."

Warnings: use of violence, future adult content and inappropriate language. Minors are advised not to read or engage with this story.

James Buchanan Barnes entered my life at an unexpected moment. We were at a party organized by my best friend Wanda. She and her girlfriend were celebrating their first home together, while I was celebrating a canceled date on top of another. My father, who was a military commander at the time, had arranged a meeting with his best friend's godson. This godson apparently was too busy for a tedious date with someone's daughter. I wasn't feeling very happy with myself when James approached to ask if I wanted some snacks. He was trying to be social since Sam had made a bet with him that involved someone buying beer for the other for a year. That night, James earned free beer for a year when he managed to hold a conversation with me for more than twenty minutes. It was easy to talk to someone who was just as uncomfortable as I was. I confess that the fact that James had a job similar to my father's made me insecure at the beginning of the relationship. But something about the way he stood out among the people at that barbecue made me want to know more about him. He seemed out of place even though he interacted with other people, in reality, he only interacted with Sam and Yelena throughout the night. There were people trying to approach him, striking up a conversation or touching his arm. He seemed so uncomfortable that I even wondered how someone who didn't seem to like crowds became friends with Sam Wilson. In fact, I was about to leave when James asked me if I wanted more hamburgers.

"Do you know that in Brazil, barbecue is not about hamburgers and sausages made on a grill but about meat?" I said, trying to be as random as possible to see if I could prolong our interaction. Ironically, Yelena challenged me to hold a conversation with any unknown person at the party for at least five minutes.

"Are you Brazilian or just a culturally curious person?" James asked, holding a tray with hamburgers. At that moment, I stopped to observe his face completely, his stubble and long hair gave him the aesthetic of a bad boy excluded from society. I thought to myself that if we were in high school, he would be the type of guy who would attract me.

"A little bit of both. My mother was Brazilian, and I simply got curious about what her life was like before I existed," I replied, grabbing one of the hamburgers from the tray. I moved away from James because I imagined he would offer hamburgers to other people, but he remained still.

"I've never been to Brazil, maybe one day I can have a real Brazilian barbecue and say which one is the tastiest."

"When I was little, my mom used to say it was one of the things she missed the most, so I believe you won't regret it." I remember James's smug smile when I distanced myself from him, thinking our conversation had ended. Honestly, in my defense, he seemed to want an excuse to get away from that barbecue.

"Do you usually leave people talking to themselves or do you just really not like me?" He spoke almost whispering close to my ear. His voice at that moment made my whole body shiver. Barnes typically used the power of his voice against me when he wanted to win an argument. It always worked.

"I thought after the cooking class you'd be eager to go home, maybe have a nice drink and do what a man like you does best on a Saturday night." I spoke shyly because, honestly, James Barnes had a gaze that would make anyone feel inappropriate for talking to him.

"Then come with me, accompany me while I do what a man does best on a Saturday night. I'm sure your company will only enhance any lurid thoughts that may be crossing your mind right now. Not to mention, you seem just as eager to stay here as I am." His words exuded confidence, and I stared at him, surprised by his sudden invitation.

"Do you have a habit of inviting any stranger to accompany you home, or am I the lucky one tonight?" I'm trying not to accept your invitation too quickly, perhaps it's my attempt to play hard to get or my inexperience with flirting.

"You're not a stranger. You're Wanda's best friend, who happens to be my best friend's girlfriend." He approaches as if he's analyzing me or trying to read my thoughts. I smile softly, thinking that Wanda must be watching this scene from afar, thinking that this will be the thousandth time she tries to set me up with someone and it might be the thousandth time I turn the guy down. I take a deep breath, counting to five mentally to make sure I respond to Barnes' invitation with confidence.

"You don't even know my name, yet you want my company tonight?" I say as we flirt with our eyes. It seems like we've entered into a mental competition to see who can flirt better.

"Naturally, for what I have in mind for the future of our minds, we'll have to exchange names, but that's just a minor detail. The most important thing is to know if I have your consent to turn this quiet night into one of the most memorable ones you've ever had." Officially, I'm in his hands for the night. There's no fighting it, even though I don't even know why I'm fighting against my instinct to go home with this handsome man with piercing blue eyes.

"My name is Melisa, and you have permission to show me how much potential you have to make this night memorable. But can you live up to the expectations you're creating?"

"I guess we'll have to find out together, Melisa." He took my hand, guiding me towards his motorcycle. I remember my shocked reaction when I saw that he rode a motorcycle. I remember how he spent countless minutes trying to convince me that motorcycles were safe when driven by a professional. I remember asking if he was a biker and receiving a hearty laugh in response.

I remember how he touched his long hair and brushed the strands that were near his eye to the back. That night was truly memorable, but not for the reasons we expected. It was the night I discovered who James Buchanan Barnes truly was. A man who takes you to his home and despite being eager for a make-out session to help out his drunk best friend who is too intoxicated to drive. A man who takes you home and convinces you that you won't be able to move on with your life until you find out if he's truly worth it. The man who takes three dates to take you to bed. The man who makes you want to marry him just a year and a half after you start dating because he feels like he can't live without you. But he's also the man who, when he's wrong, simply shuts himself off from the world until there's no other choice but to leave him there.

I could spend my whole life trying to explain James Barnes, but I would simply like to share what Barnes currently means to me.He is the ex-husband whom I swore never to let back into my house, and right now, I am staring at him. I'm staring at him while holding a baseball bat that I keep for "emergencies."

He is wet, wearing a soaked white shirt, most likely due to the heavy rain outside. His hair looks very different from the last time I saw him. It's short, while his beard seems to have been left unshaven for a while. He's breathing heavily, perhaps he ran here or is fleeing from something. The gaze that once left me speechless now made me question everything. I was ready to swing that bat at James' head when he whispered, "I know you've probably wanted to hit me with that bat since the divorce, but can we save this reckoning for when I'm not running away?"

"Running away from whom, Barnes?" I assure you that my facial expression must be as cold as the tone of voice I'm using. But after the divorce, all I was left with was anger towards the man I used to call my husband.

"There's still that secret passage you called stupid when I suggested it, but later said it would be a good hiding spot in case one of us got arrested." He seems to ignore my question or my utterly confused expression. I nod silently, pointing towards the end of the hallway in our house. Well, now it's my house, but it used to be ours.

Instead of moving forward and entering that secret passage which, yes, if you've seen any action movie, you know it's usually hidden behind a mirror or a bookshelf, Barnes approaches me with a look of "I forgot to tell you" that he used to give me before delivering bad news.

"The police will be here in about five minutes, and I need you to act as if you haven't seen me in years. Be the daughter your father raised and the clever woman I fell in love with, and make sure they leave without suspecting anything. That's the most I can tell you in such a short time, and I need you to trust me just one more time."

James was so quick that before I could even respond, he had already disappeared into the secret room of the house. I could only curse myself internally for keeping that place a secret, even though it had been years since my divorce. At that moment, memories of the day I introduced James to my father flooded back. My father, who had gone to great lengths to set me up with his friend's godson, was not at all pleased to learn that his beloved daughter was dating a man who worked as a government agent.My father actually didn't like James. He would say that something about Barnes made him believe that one day I would be interrogated by the police to talk about James. My thoughts were interrupted by knocks on the door, followed by a police officer asking me to open the door. It was only at that moment that I realized I wasn't properly dressed to receive anyone at home. The truth is, I was getting ready for a date when I heard a noise on the first floor of the house. So, I'm just wearing my underwear and a robe that doesn't fully cover my body. But that doesn't stop me from opening the door right after hearing the police officer call my name.

"Good evening, officers. How can I assist you?" I say, trying to hide the lower part of my body behind the door. I wish I had had time to put on more decent clothing. The police officers are clearly scrutinizing my behavior, attempting to find any trace of James through the small opening of the door.

"Is your husband James Buchanan Barnes, miss?" The older, graying police officer speaks in an authoritative tone.

"He used to be, sir. Is something wrong with him?" I try to appear as surprised and innocent as possible. I know that many law enforcement officers tend to believe people who seem somewhat innocent.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but your husband is wanted for suspicion of being involved with an international smuggler named Killian. We believe Mr. Barnes may have provided unauthorized access to national security information." Now I'm truly shocked, perhaps nervous enough for the officers to notice a slight twitch in my left eye. My hands start to sweat as I think about the slightest chance of them knowing that James is here.

"And you believe he would come to his ex-wife's house in the middle of the night, after years, to hide from the police or whoever else is after him?" Years ago, my father taught me that the key to telling a good lie is to make the truth sound absurd. I am practicing one of his many teachings with those whom he would hate to know I'm trying to deceive. You see, my father worked for years to keep this country free from criminality and to apprehend those who threaten it in any way.

"We believe he might reach out to you or this residence seeking comfort or assistance, in which case we advise you to contact us immediately. Otherwise, it will be assumed that you are an accomplice." The other police officer spoke, trying to intimidate me. It didn't work.

"Well... in that case, as soon as I see my ex-husband, you'll be the first to know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready for a date. You know, I'm trying to move on after the divorce."

I give them a completely nonchalant smile. They seem to have believed that I don't know anything about James, but they don't seem to have understood that I'm no longer his wife. I can't blame them; at this moment, even I am unsure if we really are no longer married.

"We hope we haven't disturbed your evening. Here's a number for you to call if you see your husband. Please do not hesitate to call if you have any information about him." The older police officer speaks, handing me a card with a number. I nod, confirming that I will assist them, and watch as they make their way back to the patrol car.

For a moment, I breathe a sigh of relief, but then I remember that my ex-husband is still hiding here. I know I can't keep him here for long, so I decide to start planning what to do next. I have a plan that might work to get James out of here before the police come back with a warrant. I can't help but think that whatever I do, it has to be quick because I do have a date, and if I'm absent, I know my father will become suspicious. Before going to talk to James, I went upstairs and put on the dress that was laying on the bed. Fortunately, I was almost ready, which would help me not to be too late for the date. As I put on my shoes, I send a message to the man I'm going out with, letting him know that I'll be running late. I also send a message to Sam, using a coded message that only he can understand. In reality, I simply sent a message saying that he had forgotten his favorite cleats here and that it would be good for him to come and get them for the weekend game. He would know that I needed him urgently because we agreed to send messages like this in case we needed help. I think he understood, as he replied that since the game was very important, he would come to pick up the cleats as soon as possible. Sam has been James' best friend for as long as I've known him. I'm sure Sam will want to be involved in helping out.

I finish getting ready for the date and head downstairs to find the secret passage where James is hiding. I stomp my feet on the ground twice with force to secretly signal that I'm alone. Barnes created several secret codes to ensure I was prepared for any situation during our marriage. For a moment, I feel strange for still remembering those things.

"You took all this time to get ready knowing that I was here waiting for you?" James's tone of voice indicates that he's not very happy with me. His gaze reflects a minimal level of patience, something I witnessed only a few times during our marriage. Unfortunately, the damn man is irresistibly more attractive when he's angry.

"It's funny how you're the one indignant when I'm the one being interrogated by the police right after my ex-husband breaks into my house. And I'm dressed up because I have a date that I can't cancel, as my father would quickly find out, and you, James Barnes, certainly wouldn't want my father suspecting why I missed this date." I know I'll seem like a submissive daughter to my father, but he has been trying to set me up with Steve Rogers, an FBI prodigy who is his best friend's godson, for a year now. He would connect the dots as soon as he found out about James. He approaches me with a deeply concerned look, and I feel like I could get lost in the scent of his perfume. It's not overpowering, but it's distinctive, and it's incredible that he still smells so good after all these years.

"Speaking of your father, you can't tell him anything about this. I... I found out just minutes before being framed that he is the true partner of Killian." Before I can even muster a reaction, I hear the sound of someone knocking on the door and look at James, who has a facial expression that makes me think he's contemplating ways to escape.

"Don't even think about it, Barnes. I'll handle whoever is here, and you'll wait for me while we figure out a way to keep you from getting arrested or killed." Few moments in my relationship with James were about us disagreeing with each other because we knew that two stubborn people rarely reach a consensus. He seems to understand what I'm saying, but I don't trust that he will obey me.

[spaceytoxinz]

saw your gideon edit and the comment you made saying you associate him with industrial music (iirc) and I think thats really unique.. what genres or artists do you associate with the other exes + if you have any more for gideon him too im really interested in these playlists...

JOYOUS OCCASION.

I do have a gideon playlist though, pretty short but i feel like it gets his general vibe across [imo]. I made it like last year i think. Its the only one i have besides the 2 playlists i have for my oc

continuing with Gideon though, he reminds me of industrial because in different medias he’s associated with either Indie/pop rock or techno. So i just slapped industrial onto him because it sits pretty well in the middle of the two. because im cringe like that]. Industrial, some electropunk [not rlly msi ripoff bands, more like Elias and the Error], general EBM, new wave and ofc the obvious techno/pop rock. I also chose industrial because of the raw, edgier themes songs usually tend to revolve around. His main artists would be like, NIN, Death Spells, KMFDM probably, Depeche Mode, etc. Though ik he bumps Hamburger Lady once in a while /j [also some songs by Romeo Santos cause bros kinda insane about his relationships]

Matthew Patel is musicals [i wasn’t much of a theatre kid i only sang my parts when my friends would randomly perform Heathers outside of class in midde school. I was never super invested in musicals though.] and emo music. He honestly kinda reminds me of the entire 2016 emo revival with the “Holy Emo Trinity” or whatever. Though ofc this shit takes place in like 2005 so its not the same. He reminds me more of Midwest Emo than Post-hardcore emo. Maybe he would listen to shit like Sleeping with Sirens but for some reason its hard for me to imagine. To be fair its also because i grew up with second wave emo [i think its second wave. mostly the end of it but jt altered my life and ive seen shit that would occur in the scene thanks to my older sister] so i have a specific idea of the different types of emos at the time. He’s much more emotional and theatrical to me which is why i choose midwest emo over post-harcore/emocore. Also hes zesty so brittany spears.

I usually associate Lucas Lee with old school Reggaeton. Just based on personal headcanon about how he looks like a specific genre of Latino in the early 2000s idk to describe it, im also from the west coast so theres that. But ofc the anime gave me a reality check and i realized this mf is still a skater. so of course you have punk rock/pop punk. so the range goes from Daddy yankee and Don Omar to mf The Offspring and Anti-Flag. I’ve thought about making a playlist for him, i just gotta figure out how to organize it the same way i did for Gideon and how his playlist has both bachata and industrial.

Todd would stray more away from electronic heavy music unlike Lucas and Gideon. In my head I also associate him with pop punk, basic bands like Fall Out Boy, The Offspring, Bowling for Soup whatever. Indie Rock like The Killers, The Strokes, Queens of the Stone Age probably. Honestly basic level radio rock that people argue the genre of. Though another headcanon is that most of the music he grew up with was like, basic level metal. Shit like Metallica and AC/DC. I also do think about him while listening to Los Infieles by Aventura because hes a cheating ass mf.

quick note for todd, i also have a headmate based off of a specific way an artist depicted him in fanart, who wouldn’t stop listening to skrillex a while back for almost a month straight so yeah. theres that.

As for Roxy, she reminds me a little more of Post-Hardcore and RIOT GRRRL. Shes not rlly emo but some of her aesthetics overlap so why not lol. I don’t know enough RIOT GRRRL bands other than Le Tigre [also the the Empty>>>>> that song is peak]. But bands like Kittie, Jack off Jill, Saosin, etc. Since my music taste mostly revolves around Rock/EDM and because various soundtracks having a theme song for her, she also reminds me of trance or eurodance. Can’t name any specific artists for those two genres i only know a handful of songs. I can’t rlly put her into one genre of music like the others, i feel like a lot suits her. Fuck it she listens to Lady gaga too. I only know for sure that she reminds me of Devi McCallion and the artists mentioned above. She would be okay with me playing my cringe ass music on the aux cord i think /j

For the Twins. The obvious answer is basic EDM. But i feel like one of them is a little more experimental than the other while one of them would focus on being more melodic. They both remind me of Aphex Twin and Venetian Snares. Ngl though they kinda remind me of 2000s/2010s hip-hop/rap in a way that i can’t fully explain. I have no specific artists nor subgenres to describe it unfortunately because i have a very basic level examples i heard on the radio growing up. i think its cause theyre always at some party/event depending on which media. They remind me of the instrumental to Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa tho.

yeah uh, most of my music taste revolves around rock and EDM plus the various genres i grew up with so honestly there’s probably more out there i haven’t listened to yet that could be better fits for them. i like music lol. I also gotta reread the comics to get a better understanding other than what i remember.

[alisonwritesimagines]

This Was the Very First Page, Not Where the Story Line Ends

Summary: You and Mihawk set sail to travel around the world.

Author’s Note: This imagine has dust cause that's how long I've been keeping it in my drafts.

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: Fluff

Do not repost this anywhere!

You slowly overcame your fear of the ocean when Mihawk took you to other islands that was only a day or two away. When Mihawk thought you were finally ready, he obtained a medium sized ship to take you out to see the world. You had left your position as a teacher at the school since you weren’t going to be home most of the time now.

“Did you tell your boys yet?” Makino asked you. You wanted to spend time with her before you left since she had been your closest friend for the longest time.

“I’ve written to Luffy since he is the only one who keeps in touch with me.”

“Are you sure you want to go out to the sea?”

“My boys are gone and I’ve fallen hard for Mihawk. I think it’s time for a new adventure.”

“What if Shanks comes back?”

“He’s already too late,” you tell her with a sad smile.

“Ready my love?” Mihawk asked as he walked over to you.

“I’m ready.”

“Have a safe adventure. We’ll always be here for you if you ever want to come back,” Makino tells you as she hugged you tightly.

“I’ll miss you,” you tell her with teary eyes.

“I’ll miss you too. I’m so happy for you for getting over your fear of the sea.”

“Thank you,” you say before pulling away from the hug. "I'll write to you!"

"You better," she says. You both laugh a little before you walked out with Mihawk.

You held Mihawk’s hand as he guided you over to his new ship. It was slightly bigger than his old one but still maintained it's minimal aesthetic.

"Are you nervous?" Mihawk asked you.

"A little," you admitted.

"I'll always protect you."

"I know," you say before giving him a quick kiss.

It took a week before Mihawk sailed you both to a restaurant called the Baratie that was a giant ship in the middle of the ocean. After docking, Mihawk led you inside the restaurant where he gave his name to a host.

You both sat at a table that was nicely set up. The restaurant itself was new to you as you had never experienced anything like it.

“This is really nice, Mihawk,” you complimented.

“Order whatever you want my love. You’ve been doing great for sailing out this far,” Mihawk praised.

“Okay."

As you two enjoyed your meals, you heard loud footsteps walking over to your table.

"Didn't expect you to come back here after what happened last time," you heard. You turned to see a chef with a beard and a wooden leg walk over to your table.

"I'm not here for a fight. I'm here to enjoy a meal with my significant other here before we continue sailing," Mihawk tells him.

"I see. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Captain Zeff. Owner of the Baratie," the chef pirate introduced himself to you.

"It's lovely to meet you as well. Your food is excellent," I tell him.

"I'm glad a new palate likes it," he smiled.

"I feel like I've heard of this place before," you mention.

"Luffy has been here before," Mihawk points out to you.

"He has!" You say, now remembering.

"The young boy with the straw hat?" Zeff asked.

“You know Luffy?” You asked the captain.

"Curly hair. Currently worth thirty million berries?" Zeff asked.

"That's my son!" You say proudly, not caring about his bounty.

“Not the smartest pirate so far but he’s got a good heart. You did a good job in raising him on that,” Zeff tells you with a kind smile.

“I’m just glad he’s following his dreams,” you say.

"Took one of my chefs here. But they'll be good together. Especially with that crew of his," Zeff mentions to you.

"Who knows. Maybe his crew will surpass all of you pirates," you joked.

"I like you. Have a bottle of wine on the house. It'll go great with your meal," Zeff said.

"Oh no. We can't ask for that."

"I insist."

"Only if you're sure," you tell him.

"Let me grab that bottle," Zeff smiled before walking off.

"You truly do have a charm that makes everyone fall for you," Mihawk says.

"I'm just that loveable," you joked.

"And you're all mine," Mihawk smiles.

"All yours," you smile back.

Mihawk took you to a new place at an island with a village by the beach. You had enjoyed the travels as you got to see different places and learn of the different cultures. So when you and Mihawk were by the waters, he felt that the timing was perfect for what he wanted to ask you.

“I’d like for you to live with me,” Mihawk says.

“At your home?” You asked to confirm.

“Yes. I want to take care of you Y/n and I would like for us to have a future together,” Mihawk explains.

“I'd like that."

“Good. But before we go to our home, I have one important question.”

“What is it?”

Mihawk pulled out a ring from his jacket and got on one knee. Your eyes widen in shock as you stared at Mihawk.

“Will you do me the honors and become my wife?”

You felt like time froze around you.

“Of course I will,” you say nodding. Mihawk smiled softly as he stood up. Mihawk slipped the ring onto your finger before cupping your cheeks and kissing you.

"I need to tell my boys!" You tell him.

"And you will. Let's just enjoy this between us for now," Mihawk says.

"Okay," you nodded. You kissed him once more before leading him over to the inn you were both staying at for the night.

[cazuela-time]

Ok so I've been having a sexuality crisis now that i got a boyfriend and got to experience stuff with a guy. I thought about it a lot and i reached the conclusion that a) i like him platonically, and b) I'm probably a lesbian. and i was super sure about it today but i saw the quiet place movie a few hours ago and i love male characters that are so wet and pathetic - but like, in a cat kinda way?? Like i would kiss them but in the same sense i would kiss my cat for being cute. Not in a particularly romantic sense but i do think that they're very cute?

Anyway i was thinking that and being like shit maybe im not actually gay if i like these male characters - i obviously like their personalities and shiet but the thing that makes me really like em is their look

By look i mean wet and pathetic, bloodied or fucked up in some sense, tired and nerdy looking (eric from quiet place, newt from pacific rim,etc) and then i has a small thought non thought? Like i thought it but it caught me by surprise, because for a second i was like "i wish i was him" and the thing is im non binary in the sense that i dont percieve my gender - HAVE I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE THEM THIS WHOLE TIME ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THAT IT?? I WANTED TO STEAL THEIR GENDER PRESENTATION?

Im being so fr i always thought they were cute and so i assumed it was attraction. Did i confuse gender envy with attraction?? I am having a crisis.

WHAT EVEN IS ATTRACTION IM SO CONFUSED.

Like, i like how these brand of fictional guy look - their personalities and aesthetic are very appealing to me and sometimes i like them to the point of wanting to put them in my pocket and like, squeeze them like a little stress ball.

And if i think about real guys in my life, ive liked 3 guys -

first one i have absolutely no recollection but my mum said i had a crush so whatever (also fun fact a lil boy tried to kiss me as a toddler and apparently i wanted to NOT so bad that i got a head injury by banging my head on furniture while backing up FAST lol).

Second was in elementary and we were friends. I dont remember liking him before i asked who he liked to make conversation but i remember i thought he implied he liked me and i liked him from there on (which was like two hours lol) and later when he admited it was another girl i felt heartbroken but i immediately got over it lmao.

And last was in high school - we were becoming fast friends and i liked him a lot, but when i thought about like kissing him and stuff i got this nervous feeling like it was wrong somehow. Also i chose a guy to like in middle school but i dont count that one.

To me, all these seem very shallow? But i dont know if thats normal or if im remembering wrong or remembering what i want to remember or what.

But if i think ab it, i could never have sex with them i think. And this applies to all men ive met too - If i imagine it the whole thing feels cold,,,like detached? Like i guess it'd be fine and we would be closer as a result (like, to bond?) But i dont think it'd be particularly fun?

THEN IF I COMPARE IT TO WOMEN i dont really like many female characters? Like I'm struggling to think of any i really really like besides Grace from ready or not and Pearl from pearl (and Maxine from x and Amber from Scream - the blood thing and that they can kill is cool ngl) and while I've thought about a friend like "i wish we could be together forever" type of thing, ive never had a crush on a girl -

But if i think about sex, if i picture it with a girl, it seems warm. Like it'd be very peaceful and like joyful? Like it would be fun. But its similar to when i think of it with men: it has no passion? Is that wrong? Am i not supposed to be passionate about it?

The hardest part is that i can't figure it out because I DONT FEEL ANYTHING?? WITH ANYONE???? PEOPLE TELL ME THEY LOOK AT CERTAIN PPL AND THEY THINK "oh yeah i wanna fuck and kiss that person" and im like WHAT??? IVE NEVER IN MY LIFE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT??? i look at people and im like, yes, thats a person who is good looking, but nothing else?????

Like, i read and love nagata kabi's works and she has this part about how she and other people have a lust thing? And i looked at that and was so confused because I've never felt anything like that - bit i related to a lot of things she says. So maybe I'm asexual?? Or demisexual???

So yeah, im confused as fuck.

I somehow feel like I'm a lesbian (i literally made a huge list detailing every sapphic occurrence in my life, like for example the fact that my one and only "sex dream" was about a blonde girl in a bathtub) but i also kinda feel like what if I'm wrong? What if I'm lying to myself and I'm actually straight or bisexual?

[yandere-wishes]

With who would you ship yourself in MHA? 👀

@yandere-romanticaa

Omg, it's been a hot minute since I dabbled in MHA… But let me crack open the vault real quick.

So first off, and this should be obvious…

Dabi! The reason I started the show in the first place!! This boy's Frankenstein aesthetic had me swooning from the moment I saw a GIF of him!! And unconventional colored flames that probably symbolize a deep-seated trauma!! YES!! I honestly think we would make a good couple, kinda like Frankenstein and his bride (in a romanticized way), we'd have the Goth BF x Lolita GF vibes which are a bonus. I also get the inkling we'd share the same taste in music (Chase Atlantic, Neighborhood, Mr.Kitty)

Shigaraki is next and tbh I don't really know when I feel for him. Just that at one point he was all I could think about. I think it's something about his twisted legacy and conflicting nature that has rendered him into a decaying amalgamation of hate and misplaced ambitions, that really gets a girl's heart beating out of her chest, you know? He was always like an odd species that I came across in the backyard one day and had to analyze under a microscope. Desperate to learn his fundamentals, to unravel his soul. Understand him in the same way an archaeologist longs to understand the past.

I think our love is something like that of an obsessive scientist and her new discovery. Chaotic and all-consuming yet so frail and feeble to onlookers. A tame fire that leaves one utterly devoured, yet still longing for more. I think we'd be pretty good for each other.

NINE! He appeared in one movie and I was SO obsessed with him!! I had a countdown for when his movie would release. I remember for my 16th birthday we went to the fancy movie theater in town just to watch this guy on the big screen. And then all my friends burst out laughing when he died at the end. Ultimately my 2 month long craze over him died in that dark movie theater. TBH I don't really think we'd make a good couple, maybe just a casual fling or some hookups when life gets tough/boring. Nothing serious yet still a fundamental part of each other's lives.

Finally, we have Bakugo, the love-hate relationship I had with this guy was crazy. I was so madly in love with him one minute and the other I just wanted to suffocate him!! IDK what it was he was just so irritating and lovable at the same time. Another relationship that wouldn't work out. I don't even think he'd notice me in school and I'd just be in the corner secretly hating him because he has the perfect life. Popular, lots of friends, good grades. Even if we were in UA together I still don't think we'd end up together. Maybe a slight nod of acknowledgment in the halls one time when he's in a particularly good mood. But that's about it.

Now that I'm revisiting my tween crushes, I got a fun little au for Bakugo.

Imagine being Pro-Hero Bakugo's mistress. Just his girl on the side. For whatever reason you can't be together in public, you'd ruin each other's images. I think the reader kinda wants to ruin Bakugo's life just because she hated him in middle/high school. But Bakugo becomes too infatuated with her to let her leave him. Somehow they both end up destroying each other's lives. Yet ultimately Bakougou couldn't be happier.

This was such a long awnser🤣🤣

[drdemonprince]

oh my god can i get trans masc self infantilization for 500 alex

Quick hate read of this piece:

my relationship to gender was mediated (isn’t it always) by capitalism. I could not meet another trans man who could tell me how to behave, but I could shop for one. I could buy distilled trans expertise, and tell myself I was putting money back into “the community;” I was engaged in political action, redistributing my middle-class cash to support people I had never met, but whose welfare was, nonetheless, my business.

oh my fucking god Jude buying a huge crop of trans books at the local indie bookshop is not political action. I know booksellers who work at beloved indie-progressive bookstores quite intimately so if you haven't heard yet, I'll be the first to tell you: no matter their feminist branding, these places treat their workers like shit and pay them minimum wage. And often these stores are hell to be in for trans femme people.

edit: whoops he didnt even claim to support indie bookstores, it was a chain in a mall wtf

Also, it's baffling to me that a published author like Doyle can claim buying books is somehow redistributing wealth to poor, trans authors. First, wealthy people are widely overrepresented in publishing, and two, the vast majority of published authors never see a single cent of royalites. Over 90% of books never "earn out". You'd be kicking them about $2.50 of a $25 hardcover sale even if they did. stop making your consumption seem righteous dude.

These authors didn’t hate people like me; they didn’t disagree with me or dislike my general aesthetic. These authors literally hated me, me personally, the dude who had recently given them money. 

the ENTITLEMENT!!! How dare these trans authors post openly that they disagree with you and your tepid liberal politics, you bought one of their books and (maybe, but probably not) gave them $3 !!!!

To a shy eleven-year-old boy on his first day of school, which is what I was emotionally and even hormonally at the time, it was devastating. I cried for days. I was on vacation.

a middle aged incredibly well connected man in publishing is pulling "im a little birthday boy -- hormonally" shenanigans. I get that reading critical comments about yourself hurts. I have been there buddy. I've received repeated misgendering, misogynistic criticisms and insults while I was newly on HRT and not even out to anyone! I was also a 30 year old adult man with a career and coping tools. I was not an eleven year old boy. I was not the victim of anything, really, except for my own lack of comment moderation habits at the time.

the amount of real life transphobia i have since lived looms so much larger that little petty online slights doesnt even rank. we're not talking about threats or doxxing here. we're talking people on twitter thinking he shouldnt be the face of trans politics.

because I know who this author is and move in the same circles, I have seen the message of hate that he's talking about. People mostly talk about him sardonically and insult his worst opinions and most hastily-written pieces. That's not even hate. That's just begging him to be responsible in his work and to maybe not write apologia for trans cops (one of the bad takes he was most openly criticized for at the time).

Those guys were my heroes, was the thing. They were the ones I had wanted to teach me how to act. I used to imagine conversations with them, think about what I would ask if I got the chance.

Buddy, you said you literally just discovered these authors mere weeks or months prior, having bought up every book published by a trans guy that you could find. It's not like you had posters of them hanging up on your bedroom wall as a child. And even if you did, youre a grown man in your forties who writes very inane takes. Some critique from your contemporaries comes with the territory and is in fact a compliment. it means people recognize youre a significant cultural voice and they want you to do better!

When I get into conflict with another trans person, when I stumble on the thread where my elders are shit-talking me, I am not looking at my computer. I’m in my math class, after lunch period, hearing the squeak of metal on linoleum as someone drags their desk a few inches away.

your elders??? are you talking about people who are like, three years older than you Jude .I understand that hostile middle and high school experiences bring massive trauma, but holding adults who are intellectually critiquing you, a fellow adult, responsible for the trauma you endured as a teen is so wildly inappropriate and immature that i cant stand it.

It would be one thing if Doyle showed any self-awareness of the disjoint here, and was just talking about being triggered, but he doesnt, not anywhere in the piece. he implies throughout that it's people being mean to him on twitter who are really at fault.

oh my god he likens himself to Isabell Fall later on in this piece i cant

i just cant with this dude hes always taking so many unnecessary Ls and gets hired so fucking much to write about trans experiences when he clearly has next to zero community connections and sense of scale when it comes to the issues we face. its so annoying!!!

[2n2n]

Do you think Yashiro has a sad past? I mean we still don't know anything about her childhood. We know even more about the Minamoto family than she does. I have the impression that aida Iro is going to drop some bomb in relation to her past. In my opinion I think that her parents are probably either divorced or argue all the time, maybe that's why she desperately seeks a fairytale love. But I would love to hear your opinion 👍

I am not personally under that impression ....but it's true Nene-chan's youngest childhood is very well hidden from us, and I do think it will be a kind of 'drop' to see young, young Nene-chan.

This is the glimpse we've gotten of her parents:

While it's Not, Like, Impossible A Divorce Happened Before Or After This, or her parents are in some way unsatisfactory..... I do not personally see how that would advance our understanding of Nene-chan's complexes. Unlike Amane, I do not think Nene-chan's cheery attitude in younger life is a facade ... we see plenty of her attitude, anyway, at many ages (though we also see that her only friend seems to be Aoi, and we do not see her BEFORE middle school for more than a single panel).

middle school girlie...

I also think Nene-chan's bedroom and the frivolousness with which she can buy herself some clothes and toys, isn't really particularly signifying struggle.... her parents seem nice to her, and she can enjoy her weirder interests or aesthetics all she pleases. At the same time, it's a small bedroom, and a humble apartment complex.

Here, you can see younger Nene-chans.

I think her biggest fear in Hell of Mirrors is very real, very Nene-chan. You have to take it to heart I think, that the Hell of Mirrors itself is honest. I think if she had something like miserable parents arguing all the time, her fear would be something like getting into a bad relationship, being an unhappy wife, romance betraying her, or something, I don't know … (considering her abusive boyfriend this would be not very good thematically lol.... it is. already happening,,)

(in Japanese she says, "Domestic Violence Boyfriend" lmfao)

but Nene-chan's biggest fear is simply that nobody will ever want her. And given how few friends she has, and how none of her peers will remotely vote her into a nice role in a school play, I think that's Nene-chan's actual, for real, biggest problem! Crushing reality that she's just not hot!!!! Nobody would have you in that way! You'll be alone forever-- so what if your parents 'love you'?

[PS: please laugh with me that it's all boys in the portraits mocking her .... even Lemon is here ... that is so sad Nene-chan. The idea even Lemon would not have you. O-or a male Mokke,,]

I think THAT is her struggle, and it sets her apart from characters like Teru or Aoi (well-admired and considered attractive), Akane (who is well-liked broadly by the student body)-- people whos problems are not remotely 'Am I Desirable and Hot?'.

and yet continues the general concept of lonliness and pining we do explore again and again (Teru hides his pain while desperately loving his family, Kou is trusted with nothing important & is not taken seriously, Aoi hides her true self for disdain and mistrust of others, Mitsuba seems to PLATONICALLY pine for company and love, Sakura feebly reads books, hamfistedly attempts at proper socializing, embarrassed to do it wrong)....

I don't personally think a girl needs a 'reason' to be a romantic ... it can be tragic enough that a girl can want something so helplessly and be so bad at it. So beyond fail at it. So inexperienced socially she bombs over and over and over. We OPEN THE MANGA with Nene-chan being ludicrously bad at it....

I think Iro-sensei pities this immensely lol...

Personally? I think the spoiler is that young Nene-chan was very weird, worse than she is now, and perhaps even ... overtly strange and even... boyish?

As the Queen of Hearts, Nene-chan was raised as a boy:

In the Monster Nursery AU, Nene-chan is a very scrappy, rowdy kid:

We know Nene-chan made a conscious choice to become more feminine, when a boy she liked in early middle school, was into feminine girls:

I'm kinda hoping when we see young, young Nene-chan, that she is like, incredibly offputting to her peers, to other girls, to boys ... enjoying her strange scary ghoul plush... loving ghost stories ... rowdy and kinda annoying. Kind of a terrible rat?

an utterly undateable girl, who made her efforts come middle school to try to be a little different... a girl who, I like to think, Aoi saw being rejected, and, didn't want to reject like everyone else (even despite how determined to be alone Aoi typically is!! I think Nene-chan was special!)

It would be cute... if she was just so Tsukasa-like (: I would like Amane... to see her as a younger child, and feel kind of like .... "noooooooooooo... what... no.... why.... what ... this is a picture of a boy, isn't it? This ... can't..... . be. Yashiro... nooooooooo *so horny he's going to black out*" . make him feel weird and funny and kind of terrified by how alike to the rowdy, annoying Tsukasa she is. S-s o cute ... ghh-!

Voted Least Likely to Ever Have a Boyfriend

[vanmarkus]

get to know me EVEN better 🫣

I was tagged by @forthewolves thank you lovely mwuah 💛

I'm gonna drop it under the cut cuz its a bit long~

also I just answered some of these in the other post, so pay no mind to the 2 copy+pastes uhhh

three ships: (I'm gonna give three different ones here though, it pays to be a multishipper hehe) chanoey, hilson, spideypool

first ever ship: I wanna say... Hiei x Kurama from YYH?? Or maybe Leon and Yuri from Kaleido Star?? idk I was like 12 it's gotta be one of these 🥲

last song: The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

last movie: still Barbie... you gotta understand that I watch TV shows all the time, but I can't make myself sit down and watch a movie that I haven't seen before, more than once every 3 years

currently reading: I am shamelessly rereading all things bright and beautiful by @forthewolves because of feels™ and because the last time I read it was just before I actually started watching the show 🤭

currently watching: you know it already and it's probably gonna be the same for the next couple of months because I'm hooked 🥲

consuming: can of diet coke ✌️

currently craving: validation and motivation ugh

nicknames: okay so I have sooo many, mainly because I used to use my first name and then my middle name for 14 years each, before I changed my name lol but also because I've been in fandom since I was like 12 so I accumulated a lot of character names that I was associated with at the time, I listen to anything at this point... that being said the ones I'm actually willing to give here are: newbs (which is 10/10 btw) and newbster haha

zodiac: pisces 🐠

fav music: goood so many but uhh indie/alternative stuff mostly, slavic electro folk, drum and bass, electro swing, newschool rockabilly/rock 'n' roll, anything good tbh, not techno though

followers: 1365

following: 273 (I've been going out of my way to follow more blogs that post stuff that I like, but I had a big cleanup there like 3 months ago)

do you get asks: sometimes, mostly about buddie lately which allows me to ramble on about them even more 😭 though I get the occasional rude asks from stupid people, but I just delete those lmao

amount of sleep: 6 hours I think??? Actually maybe less...

what are you wearing: black baggy pants with a waist string and a sinched bottom, a stripey crop jumper (white base, yellow, pink, blue and purple stripes), Looney Tunes socks

dream job: I mean, it used to be making cartoons, that's why I studied animation, but now I'm training to be an actor so wish me luck guys 🫡

languages: english, hungarian and what miniscule amount of german I still have left rattling around in my brain from school

random fact: I changed my name legally last December and I was struggling to pick a middle name for months, and as some of you may know already newbie is a nickname that Dr Cox calls JD in Scrubs and I have been using it for over a decade, so I thought if I was fine with that for so long, then I might as well give a subtle nod to the character irl too and I won't tell you what it is, but that's exactly what I did 😌

aesthetic: depending on the day; skater boy, dark academia librarian or insta mum 🥲

no pressure tagging: @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @excuseme-greentea @yelenasbuddie @icecreampotluck @notnowtobey @hawkinsleather @disasterbuckdiaz and anyone who wants to do it of course! ✨

[toongrrl-blog]

My Style Analysis: The Woma(e)n in Black (and White)

Okay we are going to go there. This kilt and color scheme and aesthetic has a lot of history as Devi joins her sisters in in prep and B&W and let's just say they'd all agree with Devi: being a woman in this society is a fucking trial.

Let's meet her sisters across space and time:

The #girlboss trying to start a group for women in tennis and fighting to get them to be taken seriously.

The Copy Chief who is dealing with her drunk ass boss, her relationship with another boss, the death and funeral of another boss, her colleague/friend coming on to her when he's high and in deep mourning, and catching him in a compromising position.

The long-suffering wife who sacrificed her career...and had to work in a department store all for the ego and whims of her King Baby (thank you Melanie Hamlett for this term) comes back to her old workplace to help them steal their own property and start a new agency.

The young former intern being assured by her boss/lover that nothing bad will happen to her and her life will go on like nothing happened...famous last words

The girlfriend of the BMOC who is ambivalent about her relationship with him and still mourning her friend's death and gets drunk at a high school party while dressed as the sex worker in Risky Business

The young girl who was disturbed by a robber claiming to be her father's childhood nanny and believed her almost, because the woman figured some things out and because the girl knows nothing about her father.

The high schooler who is aiding her friends in investigating a real cold case in their town and finding that her affections for the young man next to her are being reciprocated but not in the way she wants.

The Princess who is in the middle of a messy separation from her Prince (who will surely weaponize his affairs against her) and makes a statement by breaking protocol and wearing a body-hugging, cleavage-y, off the shoulder black dress with a dramatic sash at a public event and becoming a fashion icon.

Let's get back to Devi, with bullet points because everything is...

After a summer where she is ghosted by the boy she lost her virginity to...

She is prepared to kiss the ass of a totally male-identified woman who likely was whooping and hollering when she heard Roe V. Wade was struck down just so she can go to the traditionally patriarchal institution of Princeton (which started letting female undergrads in 1969, not 1869).

After buttering her up with her mixed up prints (likely a reflection of her moods) and modest neckline/hemline combination (her armor to avoid getting pierced by this society), she finds that boy (who she really loves) with another girl.

She and this girl get into it and we become witness to a sad fact: fabulous ass women fighting over some piece of man.

Keyes (the male-identified older woman) faints hearing this news that the student she put on a purity pedestal actually lost her virginity and named the details of the boy's family jewels and Devi gets blamed for the fainting

Joan? Peggy?

After being made to feel like, to quote our fabulous redhead "a helpless, stupid little girl" by her mother and the school principal and Keyes and piece of man, she runs to her therapist who actually gives her sage wisdom after Devi reveals that the ghosting made her feel like something is wrong with her, like she isn't enough for him (same here girl *crying and screaming*). Hence the conservative preppy look was armor not only to impress a sexually repressed woman, but also to protect her body after she bared it for him, it made sure to hide her pin-up (another woman Keyes looks down on) worthy curves.

Dr. Ryan tells her nothing is wrong that she is an extraordinary young woman with real beauty and to vent in a journal about this girl (which end up getting read by said girl and earns the label of "too much" from said piece of man). Maybe some rare wisdom is needed for Devi from Don Draper

Time to mentally give that boy (who will eventually man up and own his feelings to you again) a good kick in the pants like the soldier you are Devi, because you have joined a legion of women fighting for their lives and dignity under the patriarchy, after all:

"They shouldn't have given us uniforms if they didn't want an army." June Osborne, The Handmaid's Tale

[semper-legens]

71. Jamie, by L. D. Lapinski

Owned: No, library Page count: 260 My summary: Jamie Rambeau is just trying to live their life - but that’s hard when you’re a nonbinary kid, and your school options are severely limited. Torn between two bad choices, Jamie decides to take matters into their own hands and raise awareness of their identity. They don’t expect what happens along the way... My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

Well. This arrived on the shelves at work and I had to do a double take. Look, I know I picked one of the most common nonbinary names, and that (when I had shorter hair and could pass for male more often) I had the same default Mii aesthetic of the kid on the cover here. But still. I've encountered Lapinski's work before, as a friend leant me her copy of the first Strangeworlds Travel Agency book, so I thought why not check this out, since it seems to be about me. Like, it's not (I didn't know I was nonbinary until the age of 17 at least) but look, let me have this, okay? Maybe if this book had existed when I was eleven, I would have figured myself out a lot sooner.

So what's the story? Jamie Rambeau is an eleven year old nonbinary kid from Nottingham, who has to choose which high school they go to. Unfortunately, there's only two options - a school for boys, and a school for girls. One of their best friends is going to the girls' school, the other to the boys' school. But either choice would entail Jamie misgendering themself, something they don't want to do. Jamie's a pretty good character for this kind of middle-grade fiction. They're brave enough to stand up for themself and start campaigning against institutionalised transphobia, but still have their insecurities and can be bullheaded and single-minded, not thinking about their friends' needs as well as their own. They're plucky, but not annoying with it or anything. It's a good balance!

What's less of a good balance, however, is the story of this book. I get it. This is Baby's First Trans in quite a literal way, being that it's intended for children and all. But that doesn't mean the one-dimensional side characters and plot convenience that abounds are particularly interesting reading. All of the characters seem to be either Cartoonishly Bigoted or Supportive, ironically in a binary. The only possible exceptions are Jamie's parents, who are introduced as being supportive but are clearly uncomfortable with Jamie's identity and want them to stop making a fuss. They come around over the course of the story, but that's the only nuance here. All of Jamie's school is on board with Jamie's identity bar a few teachers, and the headteacher of the boys' school even brings his students to Jamie's Pride at the end, which...I dunno, I've never met a secondary school student who would willingly hang out with a bunch of primary school kids, you know?

I'm not saying the book was bad. Far from it. I very much acknowledge that I am not the target audience for this thing - I'm over twice the age of the target audience, in fact! And as I alluded to in the intro, I'm really pleased that a book with this subject matter exists for kids, either to introduce them to trans and nonbinary identities, to help them if they're not cis, or to broaden their horizons a bit. It just...didn't blow me away, I'm sad to say.

Next up, adventurers retire to run a coffee shop.

[rat-rant-time]

Men's wedding rings are HORRIBLE

ok OK OK OK here we go, first rant on my rant-centric blog:

These fkin things

I hate these straight boy rings with such a burning passion in the pit of my soul. They are so so so ugly. When I see men talking about how cool these tungsten rings are I feel like I'm going insane... like, are we looking at the same thing?

Mixing metals? That brushed, milled-metal look?????

the fucking bezel on the side????

Ugh don't even get me started on how I feel about black metals in jewelry to begin with.

If you're wearing this ring, this is what I interpret about you: You are an 8th grader in 2013 who is very very proud of the hand-me-down blackberry phone that your dad gave you after he got the newer model. You carry a leather briefcase to school, are experimenting with being a little emo (but not fully emo) and you're a little nervous about going into 9th grade and not being the oldest grade in school anymore.

side note: a lot of these rings appear to have some kind of clear material in the middle that looks like resin and I just KNOW that after a few years of wear the middle of these rings will be yellowed and cloudy and someday these rings will sit in a thrift or antique store and some cool college girl will pick it up, show it to her friend, laugh, and put it down again.

and you may say,

Oh, but Ms. Rat, Tungsten is great and cheap and really durable and they can make it look like a regular gold wedding band check it out?

idk why but this SHAPE of wedding ring just makes me feel itchy. Like, It looks so obviously milled, like someone took a hunk of cheap metal and milled it down into a ring in 5 minutes (which they probably did!) its like, here you go Man™ here is your slop so no one would dare think you own something lovingly crafted, we just threw this together so no one would think you care. Oh also we put an axe on the inside just so you know its a MANS ring just for MANLY MEN who like AXES and WOODSMOKE and LEATHER but not in the gay way

UUHhhh yeah so thats it. I hate these rings. There is no deeper meaning to this post. (except maybe we could talk about why men's products have to always be "rugged" and "manly" at the expense of actual aesthetics because they feel like its too feminine these days to even have a regular old solid gold band or -god forbid- something with a bit more visual interest that doesn't look like garbage) Is this a controversial take? If you own one of these I am sorry. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but sometimes you must scream into the void, yk?

[limitlesses]

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐅 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐇𝐈𝐌, 𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐊. They didn't look at him like he was human, idolizing him to death or puffing up their chests to try and measure themselves against his reputation as the world-altering Gojo Satoru every sorcerer worth something knew about. He didn't want to waste his time trying to treat them like people when he almost never got that treatment returned. Suguru did, though. Always Suguru.

So of course he cackled like an evil maniac when Suguru relinquished his player one status to his undefeated might, tugging the wireless controller into his hands and smacking the player two controller into the other's grasp with a messy fumble and shove. Exchange successful. He sat back, chin tipped up, utterly pleased with himself whilst navigating the car options and picking his signature customized one. He toggled the joystick and watched as the blue neon twirled and spun in a 360 continuous rotation until Suguru's selections were made.

Suguru's answer to his question had Satoru's thumb zigzagging on the joystick instead, his car's rotation jaggedly darting back and forth instead. Ah, a few years ago... middle school? He tried imagining a slightly younger, piercing-less Suguru looking longingly at another guy from his desk -- or, uh, apparently... girls too? Ah, did Suguru have a type? Did the guys and girls he went for have the same aesthetic? What were the statistical chances that any of them had blue eyes and pale hair ----

Satoru's cheeks flushed dark, and he had to look away from the TV for a second, off to the side toward the window.

❝  — ... the person themselves, huh? ❞ Somehow, that didn't make Satoru feel any better -- like he couldn't just be unattractive physically, or not match the physical type Suguru had, but now he also could be unattractive as a person himself to Suguru? Great, fuck.

WAIT... WHY WAS HE SO WORRIED ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS SUGURU'S TYPE?!

... FUCK!

He abruptly lowered his head and clacked his forehead against his controller, groaning without explanation. And then he realized he did that out loud, so he had to, uh, cough a little to play it off. Utter bullshit.

❝  W-what ... kinds of people did you, uh, have you dated before? Must've been weird -- normies, right? Before Jujutsu High. How did you... -- ❞ -- he didn't know how else to ask, or how to end that sentence. But the question burned in him nonetheless. How did Suguru connect with those people? Was it... just for sex? He said he had experience, so that meant -- like, experience experience. Or maybe he meant it in the nonsexual way? Who fucking knew.

He actually was glad to talk about ---- clan shit, as he said earlier, because then that could detract from the fact that he was currently Going Through It with the pendulum of emotions and a fucking... dilemma, apparently, slipped underneath the weight of his epiphany of liking boys. Neatly packaged: he had a crush on Geto Suguru.

❝ ---- ... I was, uh, pretty much raised by nannies growing up in Kyoto, my parents don't know much about me, either -- just the how-to manual for Limitless. ❞ He shrugged, an emphasis onto the way loose fabric shifted and slid against pale skin exposed, a deep dip of collarbone and shoulder... -- Suguru's crisis went unnoticed whilst Satoru hoped his own went the same way, too.

❝ That was more important than... ---- yeah, and me giving them some kids now. But everyone goes through that pressure, right? That's like... the standard TV drama shit. Mine's just heightened because I'm ---- the end of a prestigious bloodline, I guess. I have a ton of offshoot cousins, the family tree isn't dead-dead, but the branches aren't... 'pure' and up to standards, though thank fuck we're not like... marrying within the family or some shit like the old days. ❞

Satoru sighed, lowering his gaze back to his hands, fidgeting with the controller some more, tracing the seam that separated the top and bottom of the black molded plastic. ❝ Maybe I should be grateful, just go with it, even if the whole thing makes... -- it makes my heart just... sink. I shouldn't be selfish and end a whole bloodline just because I have a preference. God, and the fucking Zenin clan would have a field day... ❞

Abruptly as the dread that filled his stomach and welled up into his chest, Satoru flopped the controller aside onto the mattress and fell onto his back again, legs sprawled and spilling over the edge of the bed, his hands flying up to cover his face with another groan spilling against his pressing palms.

❝ -- ugggghhh, I don't know! What do I even say? It's going to sound so... ---- so... self-centered, and yeah, like... all my shit is always self-centered, sure, fuck off -- I get it, you got me, but this is... seriously self-centered, Suguru! But -- ❞

Another breath, and he wiped his hands down his face, leaving them near the edge of his jaw to linger there in case he wanted to groan into them again. He drilled his gaze up at the ceiling because that was easier to spill his heart out to in the moment.

❝ -- can't I just... exist a little? You know, without something or someone relying on me, NEEDING me to do this or that a certain way? Maybe I wanna have a... a boyfriend and talk about Digimon and -- yeah, I'm rambling ---- sorry ---- but I want to, and I want to watch you roll your eyes or, I don't know, tell you my silly jokes and laugh and... -- instead of having to... worry about clan power dynamics and offspring shit and... having the fate of a dynasty that's been around since fucking Ryomen Sukuna on my shoulders. ❞

He breathed, moving his hands back up to cover his face fully, fingers pressing gently against his eyelids.

❝ I want to... I want a lot, right? Or, maybe it isn't a lot. I don't know. I just want... I want to play this stupid video game and, I want to -- ... like my stupid things, act my stupid self without... feeling like I shouldn't. ❞

𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐓𝐎 𝐀 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐑, talking about the advanced mathematics his powers demanded of him on a near-constant basis.  None of this was news to Suguru, but he loved teasing his friend about it regardless.

❝ At all times, huh, ❞  Suguru replied with the slight tilting of his head, as if studying him —-- merely thinking out loud.  While Satoru’s abilities were incredibly impressive, that ego of his so often got in the way —-- acting as a deterrent towards other students who had, at one point, wanted to get to know him. The Gojo prodigy could be a bit rough around the edges at times; abrasive and intimidating to others that didn’t know him as well as Suguru did.

One day he’d talk to him about it… encourage him to get to know some of the others in their midst, even if they were weaker than him. To let them in. He valued Satoru's friendship so much —-- he really wanted their classmates to see how great Satoru was, too.

Suguru took the last bite of his onigiri, savoring the taste as Satoru’s expression softened.  The warmth that spread across his face as he spoke about wanting to know all there was to know about the other was seemingly contagious, for Satoru was now looking back at him with an expression mirroring his own —-- that overly confident act falling away, leaving only the vulnerable, trusting boy he so cherished behind.

As he began opening up about his preferences, and how he had discovered them, Suguru listened intently… his eyes softening as they drifted down to the other’s hands, only to watch as he began fidgeting.  Satoru was nervous, talking about this… it nearly made his heart ache.  Was he really the first one Satoru ever opened up to about all of this? 

He couldn’t help but wonder how lonely his upbringing had been.  Limitless had truly isolated him in a much different way than Suguru’s own abilities had…

Suguru’s gaze drifted back up to meet with Satoru’s as he began to mention the when of it all, but before he could really grasp what the other was saying, Satoru was essentially tackling him to get his controller. ❝ H-hey!  Fuck off! ❞  Suguru laughed, clutching at his controller half-heartedly before eventually relinquishing it.  He didn’t actually care which player he was —-- Suguru was more than fine being player 2.  As long as he was at the other’s side, nothing else really mattered to him.

While Satoru navigated the game’s menu and set everything up, Suguru contemplated his question.  He pressed the back of his skull against the wall behind him, his gaze darting up towards the ceiling.

❝  —-A few years ago, maybe?  I don’t know… I’ve had experiences with both, so I wouldn’t really say I have a preference for one over the other.  It’s always been about the person, themselves… if that makes any sense. ❞

Now it was Suguru’s turn to feel a bit exposed; vulnerable, in the midst of such a confession.  He scratched nervously at the back of his head before continuing.

❝ My parents don’t know about any of it, though. They don’t know much about me at all, actually.  Coming here and getting to learn about all of the stuff I’ve had to pretend I don’t see, or even know about, has been… eye opening. ❞

At that, he cast his gaze back towards Satoru… locking eyes with him, before finding himself distracted by the other’s exposed collarbone.  Suguru’s lips parted as his focus drifted away from his past; instead, he became preoccupied by each breath Satoru took.  The way his chest would rise and fall… 

❝ …..Which is...--- also why I think you should fight back against your clan’s wishes. ❞  Suguru forced himself to concentrate on the conversation at hand, violet eyes boring directly into the depths of Satoru’s blue. ❝ With all of that arranged marriage talk from before, I mean.  It doesn’t seem like your family knows you all that well, either. ❞

Suguru chanced a small, sad, and all too understanding smile at him, before finally remembering to pick out his own car for the races they were about to play out.

❝ I know you don’t want to focus on it right now, though, so we don’t have to talk about it.  Especially if you don’t want to.  But I’m here, if you ever…. need to. ❞

[devondespresso]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

tagged by the lovely @blushweddinggowns

1. are you named after anyone? Yes! my legal name came from a nickname my mother used for her sister and Devon is actually the name of one of my cool older cousins. My sibling suggested it one day and we were like “yo thats like a cool older brother name” and it didn’t occur to us until later just how biased that opinion was

2.when was the last time you cried? uh good question. its not like it was super long ago i just have a terrible basic memory. i think it was reading a fic? pretty sure i shed a tear or two reading the epilogue for Smoke Oh The Water on ao3

3. do you have kids? no im 18. but also no if i was 40. im terrified of fucking up another human. maybe eventually ill foster older teens with my future wife. who knows

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? not intentionally, i have this habit of saying “oh joy” when someone tells me about something sucky that has or will happen because i dont really know what to do in that situation. so it feels like an “aw that sucks :(” but with the casual tone that lets them lead the conversation about it

5. what sports do you/have you played? i think i did cheer in like preschool, I did archery in middle school, and took weightlifting in high school. i’ve also done yoga on and off since summer of 2018 and i know its not a sport but no one talks about it outside of Instagram fitness girlies and im sick of this disrespect (/j)

6. whats the first thing you notice about people? first probably outfit/aesthetic, next is how they speak. tone and word choice and what they says about what they think about whatever they're saying. i have the irl subtext radar and all that does is make me cry easier rip

7. what’s your eye color? hazel?? brown? your guess is as good as mine bestie

8. scary movies or happy endings? happy endings. my imagination will convince me of the wildest shit if given the slightest bit of inspiration

9. any special talents? uhhhhhhh im pretty proud of my weird mobility skills? like ive got good balance and coordination (usually). i can put on pants one-handed? i can open doors and flick light switches with my feet? im good at climbing shit?

10. where were you born? what are you a cop /j (deep south, red state)

11. What are your hobbies? i like yoga and calisthenics and improvised dancing. i love screenwriting and film and im finally giving fanfic writing a shot! i also just like making shit like sewing and customizing figures and making little scenes out of displays

12. do you have any pets? yes my cat his name is mittens aka goose boy aka bagel boy aka wiggle man aka bogus aka bingus aka chicken aka little baby man aka loafus aka mr meow meow aka moafus aka doodle boy aka squirmy wormy aka- *gunshots*

13. how tall are you? 5′3? again your guess is as good as mine

14. favorite subject in school? theatre. i dont get to be normal. if were talking like. regular subjects then it depends on the teacher. i had an english teacher that let me do a book report on a manga. i owe her everything.

15. dream job? in an ideal world id be a screenwriter and director. but the world isnt ideal its actually sexist and homophobic and ableist and shit so i doubt id get there rn. its the gen z depression.

i sincerely dont know if i actually have 15 mutuals (statistics say yes, anxiety says no) and im nervous about tagging usually because i dont want to assume connections are closer than they actually are AND ive convinced myself i keep tagging the same mutuals too much lately AND its 2 am and i work in the morning so no tags tonight but mutuals if you want to then consider yourself tagged! and feel free to @ me in your list (tags or “tagged by“) if you want to!