#maybe ive just had bad car sex

[bunnakit]

I need fic writers to stop trying to make car sex seem hot.

Nothing humbles you like smashing your knee into the center console, accidentally kicking the dash, scooting your chair back, and trying to wiggle clothes off with no room to move. It's awkward and uncomfortable and almost never worth it.

[wandagcre]

hii ive been down bad for kate bishop fics lately 😓😓. can i request a oneshot of dom intersex kate bishop just fucking reader but shes just as needy as reader? oh and maybe some choking and breeding cause why not 🤭🤭 thank youu!

better than the rest | kate bishop 🔞

(Kate Bishop x Fem!Reader)

Your partner as of late called it quits with you. Kate was concerned, insisting to check up on you. With the warmth she always had provided, you can't help but think of other ways she can comfort you.

WARNING: top!kate, kate has a penis, bottom!reader, self-loathing (r), p in v, unprotected sex, car sex, choking, breeding - not proofread +18 / men & minors dni. Words: 4.6k

“I think it’s for the best if we break up.”

Was what your partner said while hesitant to meet your eyes. It snapped you back into consciousness that your gaze on them fluttered rapidly in wonder. Yes, undeniably, there was a hint of sadness that hit you. After all, you dated them for half a year, it was… stable. No, rather it was stagnant, so you supposed this was bound to happen.

However, with your silence and clenched fist, your now ex-partner mistook it as deep despair.

They carefully placed their hand atop yours across the table. “I’m sorry–”

“You don’t have to be,” You cut them off, sighing in resignation. The acceptance somewhat came in quickly to your surprise. “I do not want to weigh you down at all, especially when it comes to your happiness. I-I… truly understand where you’re coming from.”

A faint smile appears on their face. You return the expression, wanting to ease the tension. You wanted a civil conversation where they could easily say the thoughts that they might have been withholding. You had your own as well. From there, the two of you discuss what went wrong – you simply drifted away from each other, inevitably with the long distance as another obstacle. The infatuation stage didn’t last – your relationship was too casual for someone who should be lovers. 

As the conversation ran, the air felt lighter. You didn’t realize how much you missed them but this further confirmed that you and now current ex, worked better as friends. The notion of breakup was mutual and amicable between you two and turned out better than you both hoped for. 

What caught you off-guard as you parted ways, was how your ex mentioned a certain friend of yours.

“Say hi to Kate for me! That girl is always on your rescue.” They gleefully say with a pat on your back and a knowing smile.

You froze for a moment at the sudden mention of the Avenger but managed to form a cohesive reply. “Sure. I’ll make sure she doesn’t send pitchforks or arrows on your way.”

“That’s very much appreciated!”

The two of you ended up giggling as you waved goodbye and a part of you remained stunned. Your heart was pounding, as though a dormant thought had come back to life.

It has been a week since you were available on the market again and you received mixed responses. You wanted to laugh, at how some disapproved and agreed that you and your ex were simply different. When you rebutted that technically, opposites attract, your close ones were quick to say: totally inapplicable to this case!

Your family knew how you’ve grown close to Kate; and seriously, they kept mentioning the woman! You lost count of how many times you’ve become flustered each time they lumped you and shrugged the thought that maybe you two had a great chemistry together. But in all seriousness, things were easy with Kate – the archer somewhat managed to juggle you in her time, between Avenging and college, your dynamic was far from you and your ex. All it took was the fateful encounter you guys had at a hardware store you part-timed in, attending to her questions, and Kate charming you with her clumsy rambling self. 

Why do you keep comparing her now with your ex? Screw these insinuations, now you cannot stop thinking about the other possibilities.

And speaking of the devil, the archer finally had her well-deserved free time. Said through the phone that the aliens and gods can handle the potential storm for a while, to which you were surprised to hear, knowing that she took Avenging duties seriously close to her heart. Unbeknownst to you, all it took from Kate was your break-up news and it immediately filled her with concern. She was far too occupied even if it was only a few days, setting aside her feelings for you, Kate wondered how you were holding up.

“Get in sweetcakes.” Kate hollered from her rolled-up car window as you waited in front of the hardware store. Your shift just ended. You shook your head at how corny it was, although it was endearing enough to make your insides fuzzy. 

“Not if you call me that one more time.”

It only occurred to you that it was a bad idea as soon as you saw the glint of mischief in Kate’s eyes, hands on the side of her mouth, ready to scream.

“Sweetcakes! Sweetcakes, Sweet–”

“Stop embarrassing me, Jesus.” You get inside her car, rubbing your palms together to warm you down. Kate chuckled at your feigned display of annoyance. It was certainly her favorite pastime.

The drizzle had stopped. The familiar afternoon glow wasn’t there, instead replaced with grey skies, giving a gloomy ambiance in the chilly weather. Yet, it barely affected the natural state of Kate’s aura – her bright disposition and smile giving you warmth.

Blood rushed on your cheeks and ears as you realize you’ve been taking quick peeks to your friend’s side profile.

Kate cleared her throat, “Actually, I prefer to be called Kate.” You give her another displeased look. “Fine, I relent. So are we going to talk about it now?” Kate shook her head sideways, urging you to elaborate. She leaned comfortably on the driver’s seat, prepared for a long story time before you guys hit off the parking lot. You were casual – too casual – as though this was another Monday for you. 

Break-ups aren’t normally this way, right?

“What was what? Can’t I get a hi first?”

“Hi.” Kate says unamused. “Now, I was worried the whole time. I know we’ve talked on the phone but I’m not fully convinced ‘til I hear from you.”

“Aw, so you were thinking of me?” You tease Kate who’s cheeks flamed up yet you did not notice as she pushed you off playfully. 

She groaned. “Come on. I’m sure break-ups are commonly followed by crying and drinking afterward. Not… this!” Kate gestures at you, hands flailing at your almost poker face. “Or have you recovered already? Because that’s either an impressive world record or a bunch of bullshit to me.”

You chuckle at the unending questions being thrown at each other. Now you figured out how you sounded odd. 

For the sake of her inner peace, you decide to let it out. “Look, Kate, it was meant to end at some point for us. I mean, when was the last time I hung out with them? I don’t see them a lot, we don’t feel the spark anymore. I’m almost always hanging out with you. There isn’t any bad blood. I guess we just fell out – not compatible anymore.”

“Seriously?” 

“Seriously.” You look at her straight to her ocean eyes that you love. Wait, what? “I don’t… I don’t think I’m missing out on the relationship department because, in the first place, I haven’t been getting any action.”

Kate awkwardly chuckled at your words, tugging on the collar of her shirt. 

“Uh, that I cannot fix. I’m sorry?”

You laugh at the archer’s response. Taking a good look over Kate’s outfit, you see that she’s particularly dressed up today – indicating that she had business to attend over her family’s company. She wore a black suit patterned with an embroidered burnt orange design. She was a treat in your eyes.

Were you shamelessly checking her out?

Yes, very much so.

Kate, however, wasn’t as clueless as you thought. She lets you and plans on teasing you about it. Even if it was out of curiosity or an innocent admiration, the archer wouldn’t tell you – at least for a couple more hundred years – how she loved being the subject of your attention. It didn’t help that your being single again had spurred her mind on the gutters and honestly made you more desirable at the moment. However, Kate refused to delve into them right now – out of respect as your friend first.

"Would you be interested in hooking up with me?” You sultry uttered.

The air within the car felt thick and a pin drop could almost be heard. You shook your head in disappointment to yourself – God, of course, this wasn’t very proper of you to ambush Kate like that. Her silence was very telling. You caught the archer real good, flabbergasted, and can barely formulate a proper word out of her pretty mouth. Nodding at this, you understood that it was too much – forward and probably disrespectful.

You start buckling your seatbelt.

“No, no I get it. Don’t worry, Kate. Let’s just get out of here and–”

Kate was quick to shake her head in disagreement, "No baby, you don’t understand,” The archer’s voice sounded desperate. She did not even realize how the endearment smoothly left her lips. “You're all I wanted! But that doesn't matter right now, you just got out of a relationship–"

“–I told you it wasn’t built to last. I guess it’s a talent of mine, I can’t keep things to stay.” You say out of attempted humor, although your mind had flipped into a different perspective now, the thought was very unsettling. 

Can’t you?

"It’s normal! Nothing goes perfect on the first few tries,” Kate sputtered out, desperate to provide an ounce of solace. “Just like with cooking, we burn stuff, end up ordering takeout. Or- or me with my things. You know how many times my messy self can misplace a lot of things.” Especially my hoodies. I swear they keep disappearing on me, the thought suddenly coming into light to Kate. Whatever, she hoped that in a way, she managed to lighten up the conversation. 

One thing about Kate is that her rambling and playful nature combined somewhat grows into this charismatic mess. A giggle almost erupts out of you but clearly, there is another time and place for that.

“Well, you do keep losing your keys.”

“Exactly.”

“And you’re notorious for parading around while wearing The Ronin’s suit and coming back to your apartment.”

“Ouch. Not my brightest moment I’ll admit. But at least you’re getting my point!”

Finally registering her words, you rolled your eyes now good-heartedly to Kate’s relief. "And if you’re wondering about your hoodies, no they are not lost. I may or may not have some of them.” You admit your crime and Kate comically jutted her head closer to you in shock. It’s like you read her mind. “Not bad for a pep talk, Bishop. But I guess we’re not fucking, are we?”

Now the last sentence had Kate gripping her seat, not expecting your unfiltered spew of words. Would it be bad if she were to admit that her cock twitched at the thought of having you?

But your comfort comes first. She worried that a speck of insecurity could have been plaguing you, wanting to ease that more than ever. While you peered at the window seat, the archer exhaled, scooting to your side – at least the most she could, anyway.

"Give me your hand." Kate's elbow rested in the middle of the car compartment, where her jug is confined, her palm extended for an invitation for you to hold. "Come on, you big baby.”

You take the chance, petulantly placing yours atop hers.

"What now, gonna take the rejection easy on me?" You raise an eyebrow, looking away from her. "Or is it another one of your pranks? Kate, I'm telling you I can take rejections like a big girl despite your disagreement. It was a dumb proposition. Just forget it." You try to act unphased but the grumble gives you out. The feeling slowly sinks you further into humiliation.

Why would you ask your good friend for a good time?

Kate feels the laughter begging to erupt out of her chest. Still, she doesn't, knowing that you might take it the wrong way. God, you were so adorable. "You're not getting it, always so stubborn."

You feel her squeezing your hand. 

"Yada, yada. Just drive, Kate."

Kate's hands remained interlaced with yours even with your curt reply. Eyes curious over you. Even with your mind far away, they have always been so expressive and raw which makes it tenfold difficult to look directly – all tender and equally needy as you, only if you took the chance and looked.

She admits timidly, "I want to. You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment just to kiss you. But I cannot afford to be your second choice, just because it is convenient. I don't want it to be a casual thing!" Her voice bounced off a pitch-higher.

You bit your lip in contemplation. Kate doesn't take her eyes on you nor disrupt the short comfortable silence that lingered. Her hands come to thread through your tresses, admiring you out in the open now.

How could you not have seen it earlier?

It would have saved you a lot more time. One that couldn't have gone to waste. Kate has always been worth your while. Meanwhile, the said woman was stunned. Kate's throat was almost caught in a lump, in disbelief that she got to pour an ounce of her confession. She can't help but rub your sides soothingly – in hopes of calming your turbulent mind.

You unexpectedly move away from your seat, determined to plop yourself on Kate's lap. You swung your legs atop her and a tremendous surprise struck the archer; she could not grasp the uncharted territory being crossed. 

Having you so intimately? Kate was going to combust.

"Huh. It's a good thing that I specifically don't intend it to be a one-time thing." You place your forefinger on Kate's plush lips. "No, I don't expect this to be a casual thing either. I'm sorry if I didn't see the signs earlier..." 

Her ocean eyes had a glint of hope, her heart thrumming madly at the next words that would leave your lips. "So you're saying...?"

"Take what's yours, Bishop." You moved closer, arms dangled between her headrest. You comb through her jet black hair, her attention hopelessly hooked onto you. Inching further to her ear, you husk out, "Do me like you mean it."

She sharply inhaled. 

“I’ll make it worth your time.”

You answer her with a tease, wiggling your hips forward so slightly, her ocean eyes melting at the motion.

She takes one last look to find traces of an ounce of possible regret and retreats from your offer, only to see the unadulterated need in the swirls of your darkening eyes.

Kate's grasp over your hips tightened mouth agape over your affirmation. Her cock was no longer flaccid, instead, it started to strain through her jeans. You feel her and your cunt throbs madly. She was clutching over the layers of your clothing, now eager to take them all off. All she ever craved was to worship you, for you to finally notice her – to take you as she means it – just as your green light urged her to do so.  

Both your lips clashed, tilting on the opposite side, excited to get a taste of what both of you were missing out on. It was no longer as hesitant and awkward as the chaste kiss that you initiated a few minutes ago. You taste the faint traces of her favorite coffee that caused you to smile. The cramped space was overwhelmingly filled with tension and adrenaline; Kate rode along as you did and happily explored your mouth – her tongue swiping sensually along your lower lip and catching you in another bruising kiss again, to which you enthusiastically let out a guttural moan at.

"I’m so drunk on you right now..." Kate muttered, her voice dropping a few octaves. You ground harder in response, moving languidly against her as the kiss continued. 

Her scent was alluring more than ever. You claw at the back of her neck, fingers tangled in her silky tresses. “Then, consider this definitely worth the hangover.” You moan sultrily in Kate’s open mouth - both of your sounds crashing.

Lips bruising and breathless at this point, Kate reluctantly pulled away to adjust her car seat. It was hilarious and endearing for you how she kept smiling between your kisses and the archer kept on chasing for your lips. Even with her numbing lips, she scattered open mouthed kisses all over your jaw and neck, your whole body set ablaze.

“No backing out now.” Kate returns the equally seductive tone, her vulnerability poorly hidden underneath her assertive act.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,”

“Good.”

You feel Kate clawing the fabric of your shirt underneath the bunched up jacket of yours. the way her nails dug desperately had made you buckle over her lap, bodies pressed more than ever, making the two of you moan. 

"You feel so good against me," Kate murmured breathlessly. "I can't get enough of this." she confesses with much candor, eyes gleaming at you that it sends shivers down your spine.

You were plopped down on her lap, swollen lips, and you wanted nothing but her. Kate cannot express enough how her heart feels like it was going to burst out of her ribcage.

"Is that so?" The husk and rawness in her voice made your stomach flip, breaking out a small smile out of you. "I bet you regret it..." your hands that no longer cradled her jaw found their way instead to graze downwards underneath her fancy suit, nails digging on Kate's fine abdomen. "Regret how you said no to me earlier."

The firm muscles grow tense under your touch, making you smirk. you had the Bishop woman successfully loss at words. She only hummed, seemingly lost and busied herself through littering your jaw and neck with more kisses, her teeth inevitably scraping at your skin.

And Kate? She's more than willing to be under your hypnotizing spell.

Kate soon broke the barriers and went her way to claw on your bare skin. The obvious choice for you was to discard the jacket that was nothing more than an obstacle. You wanted to feel her, craving for so much more. Although, you find yourself smiling a little with how the archer was hesitant to break the kiss as the inevitable parting in the process came - Kate chasing your lips - both of you having red and swollen ones from a thirst induced by a dance. 

You're riled up and so is Kate. more so, she's afraid to break the momentum. Afraid that you would snap out of this haze anytime, so she savors each second – the shared warmth, the charged tension that drives her crazy, and your lips heavenly against hers – better than she ever dreamed of. 

When your hands begin to tug and unbuckle her belt, Kate looks at you with her ocean eyes skeptically.

"You wanna go all the way?" Kate rasps out and fuck, you have never heard of something more attractive than this. "I know you're- you might be still processing the break up. I don't wanna..." 

"Kate, listen to me." Your eyes pierce against hers, hands tangled on strands of her disheveled jet black waves, gently tugging and making the archer groan low at the sensation. "Among all the things I mourned and doubted for today, this - us - is not one of them. So yes, I want this. I need you."

Kate took a deep sigh. "As long as you're-"

"-long is what I want, it’s underneath your pants, and you're keeping it away from me. Unless you're backing out now on me, Bishop." 

Her perfect teeth clutched against her bottom lip as you've managed to unzip and free her cock out of her boxers. Your mouth agape in shock, heavens, she was big as you expected. How would it fit? You witnessed her member grow erect under your needy gaze. Kate has no other choice but to moan pathetically as you hold her cock.

"S-shit! Baby, be careful!" Kate hissed low, although her touch continued to relay the want coursing through her.

"Sorry," you sheepishly say and regardless, it dawns a stupid smile over Kate's features. 

It's rough and slightly painful on Kate's end, making her turn red sporadically. You take pity and spit on her cock to lubricate it, the stroke and twists slow at first. The action made her lower stomach and appendage twitch, with her foreskin being tugged in your grasp, Kate uttered a string of soft moans, all putty in your hands quite literally. 

Sue her, she's over the moon right now.

You bite your lip. "I can't take this anymore, I need you inside of me." 

Your spontaneity and darkening gaze continues to make Kate's head spin. She loved being the subject of your desire. Fuck, it was the hottest thing she has witnessed yet. 

"Do you now?" Kate chimed, having a palmful of your breasts through the shirt you're wearing. your eyes rolled back. "Unzip your jeans for me."

When you moved your body up, you failed to measure the distance between the roof of Kate's car and your head, making you bump your head in the process. you muttered a soft ow - heat settling on your cheeks. Kate's gaze however, did not waver, and it brought a pearly smile on her face as she found you endearing.

"Do I have to do it for you baby?" Kate murmured, her hands gripping over your waist.

You shook your head timidly. "No no, I can do it,"  

"That's my girl." The archer scratched her nails light on your stomach, a moan inevitably escapes your mouth. You feel her thumb teasing underneath your bra.

It was the push you needed, then on it was almost smooth sailing as you deftly unbuttoned your jeans. Gravitating to Kate's touch, your own body was attuned and glided for more. Her blue eyes never left yours nor her ministrations that descend over your breast and waist faltered. Your heart pounded madly at such intensity.

Your playful ways shifted back, maneuvering through the limited space - it was a miracle for your slightly trembling hands. You were glistening enough to make Kate's throat grow dry.

As your eyes peer down, Kate's cock felt intimidating, with a girth and length that none of your previous experiences could rival. Not to mention her precum looked tempting. 

All that is left is for you to lower down and so you let your impulsive thoughts win; plunge in. 

Your face curled in the unexpected stretch. Maybe you shouldn't have done that.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god—slow down!" Kate whisper-yelled, her mind flitting between panic and pleasure, not knowing where to succumb first. "You should've warned me first! I don't even have a condom rolled up yet," Her grip over your hips reprimanding you as it was almost bruised; the archer tried to carry some of your weight, in hopes to alleviate the burning sensation.

"Sue me, did you really have to be so–" You groaned, one of your palms against the car window for support, eyes shut in semi-frustration. Kate is fucking huge and it was vivid how your cunt swallows her in. "It looked nice and ready, can you blame me?" 

The breathy heaving both of your breaths barely ceased. Fully settled in Kate's lap and your cunt insanely and sync pulsating with her cock inside of you, she gave you an unamused look. She gave your breasts a firm squeeze, kneading the supple flesh and tugging on your nipples particularly hard – enjoying how your head lolled, eyes droopy in the erotic sensation.

"If you're going to keep playing like that I'm gonna need to take over. You've been naughty enough for me." The archer sultry says, nipping at your clavicle.

"Kate, what—"

She hoists you an inch, only to thrust you back to her cock. "Always taking what you want, doing as you please. I'll have to teach you some manners next time baby. But right now… I will do as you said; buried deep in you.”

Kate slid her hand on the flesh of your bare ass cheek and gave it a light spank. Reveling and lost in how she fit inside of you, your head lolled in the stack of pleasure. Your body practically molded and moved along the archer languidly, feeling her front against yours.

Fuck, how can she fit in the depths you've never explored before? The squelching sounds of your wetness grew and filled the car, erotic to your ears. The vehicle no doubt rocking along the motion and build up that Kate has been brewing.

Your hands loosely enveloped between the driver seat's headrest, upper body slumped and now chest-to-chest against Kate. Even with her unwavering thrusts, you feel the heel of her palm firm around the side of your neck, along with her thumb applying pressure – inches away from your jugular notch – squeezing you.

No, Kate was choking you.

Eyes flutter shut, you respond with enthusiasm. "Yes, oh, yes!" 

"You look so beautiful right now..." Kate dazedly confessed. Her hands moved to your lower back for support. Opening your eyes in curiosity, you see her half-lidded eyes – your favorite ones – softening. "No, you always do. I can't believe this,"

The peppered kisses on your shoulder and above your chest were spread out. Kate's breathing was gruff, you found it adorable as you were well-acquainted with her focused state. Her words dripped with much honesty that it pierced right into your heart, her name already indented there.

Meeting Kate halfway, your hips continued to gyrate along and your palm gently cradled her by the cheeks. You kissed her fervently, filled with a newfound passion. Kate was surprised but fully snapped out, returning the same energy. This was an enlightenment; another step that both of you are eager to explore together.

Your eyes welled up; both in joy and the fruition of her lustful hard work.

Her hips fluidly doing an upward thrusts to squeeze all the juices worth out of you, the archer makes sure that she's punctuating her punishment for you. There was barely a resistance anymore that your walls practically accommodated the entirety of Kate's cock. Although the stretch lingered, adding to the build you wanted.

"This sight? M-mm! Kate, you- you better make it count. Take all of me." 

Your jaw went slack as your dirtiest fantasies are being overfilled with Kate's grip and her determined grunts. Your clit throbbed and you took it upon you to rub it. She whimpered upon witnessing the act. Kate swats your hand away, pad of her fingers applying more pressure against your nub.

You feel Kate's mouth and teeth nibbling on your pebbled nipples this time and being filled to the brim with her words, you don't know if she knew you already came.

Kate knew. Her eyes flicked between your face and saw your pretty tummy, how it twitched, the bulge of her member appearing at each pound. Her trousers were tale-telling too as it was ridiculously soaked.

A shrill was pulled out of your throat. Kate continued to thrust, "Gonna fill you up until your walls are painted white. You wanted this right? Then I'll give it to you, baby," You see her veins bulging out of her neck, the archer completely flustered as she releases thick ropes of her cum inside of you. You were still throbbing at the fill and the aftershocks. The warmth was overwhelming, from your walls and Kate's cum coating you, both of you felt slightly numbed. She kissed and marked you underneath your jaw and you hummed softly.

"Where did that come from?" You murmur while an inch away from Kate's plump lips.

"Guess you bring out the best in me."

You giggle at her silly self coming back and comb through her jet black strands, scratching at her nape. She lets out a soft moan. You're satisfied with how ruined her suit was almost unsalvageable with its creases and wetness.

“Well shit. I think we’re banned forever in this parking lot.” Kate jokes, breathless, causing you to softly chuckle. She’s never been more thankful for the invention of tinted car windows.

do not repost/translate on other sites. © wandagcre

[savnofilter]

Guilty | a. shouta

         Plug!Shouta Aizawa x [FEM]Reader

WARNING(S): sexual content, mentions of weed, drug use (cannabis), high/inebriated sex, infidelity (don't do this y'all), it's consensual tho they both suck, Reader is a "older-sister deals with a lot mess" tease, fingering (m -> f), lube, making out, light petting, barely any foreplay besides that, p in v sex, protected sex, unestablished relationship.

COUNT: 2.5k words.

READ MORE: masterlist | adults masterlist

A/N: this is funny cuz ive never been high a day in my life. ive never gotten high or drunk... ive tried but. 🤷🏽‍♀️ 😭 if i get sum wrong with the terms, SORRY. my knowledge is only extensive to what i hear my friends be saying okay?! okay. sorry weed heads lol. this was originally gonna be car sex but it ended up... not being that so maybe next time. 👀

You

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. 0:69

‘Just come upstairs plssss, I’ll slip you extra’

[✓] 23:56

Aizawa huffed at your whining. He knew better than to do it but tonight he wasn't being stern with himself. The last time you had come down to his car to get what you normally did, it went in a whole other direction that wasn’t intended.

You were a good person.

Meaning you were currently in a high level of schooling, soon to graduate and finally full send into your desired career. You were dressed somewhat modestly in your day to day life, avoided using unnecessary swear words and was always polite when needed. You were a model student, rounding up to be on the dean's list as the final exam period rounds the corner. You often helped out with your community and even volunteered in a soup kitchen.

Not to mention, you were the kid parents dreamed of. Being the first born you didn't really have that many choices. You were already in a serious relationship, the guy you were with had a lot more destined for him as well so it only made sense for you two to be together. You had met them through your parents, actually. Thankfully they weren't ugly nor was they that bad to be around. But did you really want to marry?

To everyone else, you were a “good person”. But your underlying secrets said otherwise.

Aizawa was starting to question it himself. The last time you two had crossed the line hadn't been the first. You see, your “good” reputation was only merely an act. You weren't the worst person on the planet, no, but there was a lapse in your judgement as you slowly felt like your life was a lie. The somewhat arranged relationship and the hand held future into what you should desire instead of what you actually wanted to do caught up to you eventually.

You had met Aizawa a little bit more than a few years ago through a friend of yours. At that time, you were single and his romantic situation wasn't any knowledge to you. Not that it was any of your business to begin with. That night you had bought from him was your first time smoking, ever. Your friends had convinced you to do it and you weren't entirely against the idea so you went along with it.

It was at some beach party that he could only care so much about and he was in a mode operating strictly for business despite knowing the party owners himself. Though when you had first come up to him, weary and looking the prettiest you've ever been. Shouta had seen so many people in his lifetime, but looking at you for the first time had him starstruck. It was almost embarrassing how he nearly zoned out when you two caught eye contact. The way your lips moved and how you hugged your body as a sign of needing direction in the whole process intrigued him. You stuck out like a sore thumb between you and your friends that accompanied you, even though you all clearly arrived together.

The moment he first saw you replayed in his head as he stood at your door, waiting for you to let him in. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, interfering with your life but it wasn’t all his fault; it took two to tango.

“Leave your shoes at the door,” Your voice called out to him. His eyes refocused as you turned around, eyes taking more than enough time to take your appearance. A hoodie that fit your figure in a way he knew wasn't yours covered your torso while a small pair of shorts hugged your ass all too well and only a pair of socks to keep you comfortable in your warm but drafty apartment is all you wore. Focused, that's what he needed to be. That's what he should be reminding himself of. This should only be for business.

He absentmindedly does as you say though, the process of removing his shoes easier than usual since he adorned a comfortable pair of designer slides (gifted to him by someone close to him, of course). You instruct him to rest the grams on your living room's coffee table, already giving away how many times Shouta shouldn't have been in your apartment. Still, he wordlessly pads his way to the room, his feet covered in socks also thudding against the padded floor.

Shouta follows your instructions on placing the bag on your table and promptly attempts to leave before making any choices he'd regret later. Your plans were different as you stood in the doorway, not blocking the walkway at all, but for sure trapping him. You glance at him with a pout full of confusion and longing.

“Could you help me roll one? You know I struggle with it.”

His eyes were glued to your plump lips as you talked, mesmerized at your words. That was a damn lie and both you knew it. Though he couldn't hold back the gulp as he nodded his head in hesitation, glancing towards the door behind you, reluctant to the idea of a special someone waltzing in that door. As if reading his mind, you smile and walk towards him, shoulder briefly checking his even with the amount of room that should've been left between you two.

“My fíance is out of town, they usually help me.” You get yourself comfortably sat on your couch and beckon him over, and pat the free seat next to you for him to sit. You don't wait for him as you rest your rolling tray on the table. “Come sit,”

And so he does.

With his hands stuffed in his pockets and eyes glued to the product he brought to you. He walks around the table to not interrupt you and gingerly sits as requested. If anyone walked in on you, there would be no mistaking the tension in the air. Shouta’s body posture was more than stiff as he tried not to pursue you. He clears his throat once you've finally pulled your gram out, getting your shredder to help mince the plant.

“None of your friends are available?” Shouta asks, leaning back in to your sofa as you busy yourself with preparation. You shrug and glance at him with a grin.

“You're a friend, no?” You tease him as you beckon him to get closer and move the tray in front of him.

He rolls his eyes as he gets busy, glaring at the rolling paper as he lines up the sativa. “You know what I mean.”

But you have no answer for him. Instead he watches as you purse your lips and cross your arms, body language closing him out without you having to verbally say it. He feels a little smug though, finally being able to turn the tables on you in this situation instead of the opposite.

He sits back as he finally finishes up the roll and glances around for the lighter. Although at this time you refused to make eye contact, you read his actions pretty well and dig into your hoodie’s pocket for the pink lighter. You hold it out to him once your fish it out, palm open with invitation.

“Open.” Shouta says curtly, but you understand what he meant all too well. He holds up the blunt and you grin happily in content. You scoot closer to him, the two of your bodies now touching each other as you leaned closer to his hand. You look up at him as he gently places the blunt to your mouth, your hand quick to top off the process by lighting it up.

You take a deep drag from it and lightly pull away, holding in your breath before puffing it out in a soft breath. You hum happily as you lean back against your sofa, still sitting close to him as he takes his own turn in having a drag of his own. The exchange is continued in silence minus the bustling city noises and people outside to accompany it. As the air grew thicker in scent with weed, so did the tension between both of you.

As you sat back with your body language open and muscles relaxed, his large and heavy hand rested on the inside of your thigh, squeezing every few moments or so. The light movement had you giggling—mixed between the airy headed sensation filling your senses and the tips of his fingers itching for more had you eager to receive it. Sharing another puff you gently pass it to him and use both of your hands to guide his wandering one straight to your clothed core, the only thing stopping him from properly touching you is the thin material or your shorts. His hand palms your pussy through the material, his unabashed groping bringing a light moan from you. You open your legs further in an attempt to encourage him further, the gesture working.

Though, Aizawa pulls away, ignoring your whine in protest and snubs the end of the tiny end of the blunt onto the rolling tray. He finally sits back and pats his thigh for you to climb up on it, and you happily follow his lead. In a few seconds you're climbing over his lap comfortably, and sitting across it as your hands find his neck in solace. Your eyes are lidded and already heavy with arousal, needing nothing more than to take him.

He isn't in the mood to play coy either as his hands slip down to hold your ass and thigh respectively. He gives your skin a squeeze and you finally lean in to plant a messy kiss against his. It takes everything in Aizawa to hold back the groan that threatens to leave his lips, mouth moulding to yours as you both try to develop a rhythm that worked for both of you. You were a grinning mess trying to get into the motion, pride already swelling within you as you could feel him poking at the side of your body. Of course without hesitation you palmed him, needing not to shy away from him anymore.

You tease his lower lip by giving it a small bite as you pull away and look down to watch yourself palm at his building erection. Usually at this time you'd drop a remark but you were too thirsty to even do so. It'd only been a few days since you've gotten some and you were fiending for him. As his eyes flicker back up at yours, you glance back at him and lean in to take his lips with yours again. It's intoxicating how he has a soft dominant nature to him; the way Aizawa’s mouth overtook yours was so natural and steady. Not too much nor too little. You were so lost in his kisses that you didn't even notice you were switching positions with him until you were properly straddling his lap and your hands were resting on his shoulders.

“Ride it.”

He had said in a haze, glaring eyes staring back at yours with no patience behind them. Despite you two only making out and petting for only so long you feel giddy to finally get on with it. You slowly nodded your head as you carefully tried to get off his lap to remove your shorts. Aizawa did his part in reaching into his back pocket and only letting down his pants only enough to let his cock out. Due to his inebriation he wasn't the hardest as he typically is, but that'll all change once the real part comes in.

Your eyes quickly scanned the scene as you reached under the cabinet of the coffee table for your lube to help slick you up, not having much foreplay beforehand. Once you grabbed it you happily straddled him again and put a healthy serving on his awaiting cock. Thankfully he had already wrapped himself up so you didn't have to fumble with that this time around. Once you put the amount you were comfortable with, you got in position and lined yourself up on his tip. You toyed with your lip as you slowly sunk yourself onto it, you two pulling in a deep breath as you continued to do so. It wasn't until you had basically taken in most of his length did you two exhale in relief, the sensation so much better than you remembered.

Aizawa's hands find your hips to help guide you once you start to move, a heavy moan escaping your lips as his sizable hands gripped your skin. You dared to look back at yourself, out of breath and riding off pure ecstasy and lust. You watched as he grew more greedy, instead of going with your original pace and speeding you up as he sunk himself deeper into your greedy cunt. Because that's exactly what you were. Greedy.

You lean your body more against his as you try to adjust, the sound of his cock hitting up into you growing louder by the second. Skin slapping against skin, with the occasional sound of his hand slapping your ass for good measure. He wasn't discreet in checking you out either, every so often glancing towards the mirror you had in your living room that perfectly gave him a view of you riding his cock like no tomorrow. Or at least he was making you do so.

Your whimpers filled the room as you were starting to get overstimulated by the second. You were mumbling his name and cursing as if you were trying to rid of him, eyes closed in bliss and hands tightly fisting the couch that sat behind him and his sweatshirt. Against your better judgment and his, you didn't even think to question him sucking and biting your neck, leaving evidence with his kisses that he was claiming someone that will never be his. A sharp nip on your skin is what catches your attention, a frustrated groan coming from you once you realize.

“Ngh…” You start to speak but fail miserably. As best as you could lean away from his lips without sacrificing your position didn't work as Aizawa wraps his arms around your waist and effortlessly flips you two over on the couch.

With his cock still in you, he pounds into your wet pussy, mouth once again on yours and swallows your vocal sounds. Your hands are tangled in his black hair as you have completely forgotten about your complaint, legs wrapped around his hips to help lock him in. You try your best to gyrate up against him, head tilting back as you near your first intimate high for the night.

You breathe out his name in the form of his nickname, the sensation of hearing you whisper for him against his ear bringing a guilty shiver down his spine. He even lets out a small groan as you manage to clench unbelievably tight around him as you come undone, the feeling almost unbearable. He dishes out a few more thrusts of his until he's filling the condom he wore. Unlike you though, the kisses you delivered onto his neck had him sobering up fast and quickly coming to terms with tonight's exchange. Aizawa couldn't bring himself to judge you as a person, either.

Knowing he has his own partner waiting at home, oblivious.

[jimhopperlova]

- Power Damage (18+)

18+ MDNI!!

Pairing(s): helping!jim hopper, helpless! fem reader

Summary: when reader comes home after a long shift at the diner, she finds her power is non-existent. she asks the local chief to help, but find out he helps in more ways than one.

Warning(s): large age gap (reader is 22, hop is 41), masturbation (f receiving), unprotected p in v.

i hope you enjoy! ive wrote something similar to this, but this ones a lot better. more love making than actual sex.

‘10 minutes and i can take a nice hot shower.’ you said to yourself, finishing up cleaning the tables you had. you had to be the busser and the server of course, cause why not? you sighed, continuing to look at the clock ahead of you. no, you can’t. the more you look, the more time went by slower.

it was nearing 10 o’clock, you of course having the closing shift. you didn’t mind as your boss was a nice gentleman. he always offered you free food, made sure you were comfortable in any setting, and if any customers got out of line, he was right there in tow. you couldn’t ask for a better boss.

“alright, looks like it’s your time to go. get outta here. get some rest.” speaking of, your boss had said to you as you finished your last table. you smiled brightly, the shower sounding more and more better as the day went on. you quickly put the dirty dishes and rags away where they needed to go, and quickly hung your apron up on the employee break room door. you hurriedly grabbed your winter coat, hat, and gloves. ‘warm shower, warm shower.’ you shouldn’t ask for anything too much, because then your hopes are shattered.

“what?! no!” you had managed to see that your power was off. the lightswitch didn’t work, and the oven didn’t work either. you wouldn’t be able to be warm. you did everything you thought you could to steer away from this very moment. you lived in the midwest, weather was always the worst. when people say it’s bad, it’s worse. and when people say weather is nice, its bad. there was no way of fighting off the inevitable.

great. now what? you weren’t about to sleep in your cold car nor your cold house. start a fire in the house? probably not the smartest idea. go over to everyone’s homes you know of and beg mercilessly to stay at their house until your power’s back on? better idea. but you knew that you would need to get the power back on, so you had managed to helplessly drive to the police station. you didn’t know of anyone capable of helping.. not even a handyman. maybe you can be desperate, especially when talking to the chief.

chief jim hopper was a regular at the diner. he stumbled across you one night when you were his server. clearly you made an impression on him, but of course, you are oblivious, so you didn’t really understand. until tonight when you are talking to flo, hoping the nice old lady would understand.

“listen, i.. i stumbled across a situation and i don’t know of any handyman in town. is there a way you guys could help me? i know you’ll probably tell to screw off and suck it up, but.. i really need your guys’ help. maybe give me a directory?” you asked flo in the most desperate voice you could. you were shaking of cold, and this situation just made things worse.

“ms, our hours are closed. we are only open for emergencies,” flo spoke to you, you looked at her in despair. but this was an emergency! you couldn’t be warm to save your life. maybe you could stay here overnight? pretend to be a criminal. break something. “but.. i can see what i can do.” flo then spoke. you looked at her with a smile, probably thanking her a million times. you sat down on one of the chairs, hugging yourself to try and keep yourself warm. you then watched as a door opened, and out came a tiring chief. you wanted to say hi, but things were more important right now.

“(y/n), what are you doing here? everything alright?” the chief had then asked you, and you could only smile lightly. things were alright you supposed, but you’re freezing in your boots. literally!

“oh, hey jim. yeah, uh.. everything’s fine. except my power’s out, as well as my pipes are burst. maybe i’ll just stay at a motel..” you told yourself. you hadn’t even considered that. you involuntarily facepalmed yourself at the thought of a motel. how dumb could you be?

“well.. i’m just headin’ out now. maybe i’ll stop by and check it out.” jim mentioned. you looked up at him with a wide smile. coming to the police station was the smartest idea you could have thought of.

“sir, you have a call waiting for you-“ flo started to interrupt, basically telling him not to help you. all hope was gone. he had a job to do afterall, not bother with your stupid pipes. oh. you didn’t think that could be dirty until you truly thought about it. your face emitted a deep blush, and tried your best to ignore it.

“it’s alright, flo. this shouldn’t take long.” jim said again, looking down at you as in a ‘let’s get out of here before i get pulled back into the office’. you smiled up at him and stood, leading him out to your car.

“thank you, jim. it really means a lot.” you told the chief who could only smile softly, heading to his blazer. you hopped in your nova and headed towards your home. you didn’t think anything would come between you and jim, so you only treated him as a friend. but you basically owe him a shit ton of favors for doing this for you. you didn’t know what you would do without the chief.

“yep. busted,” jim muttered as he looked underneath your home. you cursed to yourself, shaking your head. god damn it. curse your mother for having old pipes. your mother practically gave you this house in her will, and you had a three bedroom ranch house at the age of 21. being an adult sucks. “and the powerlines are froze. until they thaw out, you’re kinda stuck.” jim explained further, and you shook your head. of course. could this get any worse?

“shit. uh.. okay. i guess i’ll drive around town to see if any motels have vacancy. thanks for helping me, you didn’t have to.” you told the chief who could only shake his head and run his hand through his hair.

“save the gas. the one motel in this town is full. almost the whole town is outta power,” jim explained again, bearing the bad news. so the night really could get worse. you cursed to yourself about a million times before jim could only laugh. you looked at him in bewilderment, wondering what his problem was. “you don’t have any friends or somethin’ to crash with?” he asked you, his hands placed on his hips. you shook your head, hugging yourself again.

“nope. i’ve only been here for a year, if you can’t recall my sob story when you were last at the diner,” you explained to jim. you had a bad time shutting up about how you ended up in hawkins, especially when they ask you about how you ended up here. when someone was new to the town, it sparked up the whole entire town. you didn’t stop explaining where you came from for about a month. “i have coworkers, but they have kids and their house is full. that is if they have power. honestly.. i just need a warm shower.” you laughed softly, and jim lightly scratched the back of his neck, almost in thought.

“well.. my place is trashed. but if ya need.. you can stay. granted, i still have power and water when i get back home.” jim spoke. those were the words you needed to hear after a long debate in your mind of where to go. you smiled brightly and looked at jim with probably the biggest smile.

“oh my gosh, thank you so much! thank you, thank you, thank you!” you told the man and hugged him tightly, despite if he wanted to or not. you let him to and looked up at him. “i’ll go grab some clothes. i’ll be back.” you told him before heading inside your cold home. seconds later, you emerged with a backpack full of clothes for tomorrow and your pajamas.

“leave your car here, you’ll be safe.” jim told you. you couldn’t help but laugh and hop in the car next to the chief. the drive to his place was silent. you couldn’t quite place if it was a good quiet, or a bad quiet. but it was definitely an awkward quiet. meanwhile, jim was deep in thought. his mind continuously wandered about whether it was a good idea to bring you to his place or not. the last thing he wanted was to be judged, especially by you.

for some reason, you were never able to escape his mind. those small little talks and bright smiles at the diner did him dirty. maybe that’s why he continues to go there when he isn’t swamped with paperwork. your bright eyes and that widened smile pulls him right back into the diner, always making sure he left you a generous tip. you were young. and see, that was another problem. he was a 40 year old man, watching over the town, protecting it. you were merely 22, high hopes still ahead of your future. and maybe that’s why he has hesitated asking you out on a proper date.

finally, you two arrived at jim’s trailer. it seemed kinda homey on the outside. however, inside it seemed like a druggie’s fever dream. pill bottles, beer bottles, beer cans, dirty clothes, just.. everywhere. you weren’t expecting the chief to be clean by any means (he’s a busy man), but you didn’t expect it to be this dirty.

“s’cuse the mess,” jim spoke before he looked around and tried his best to move some stuff around so it wasn’t so messy. he didn’t expect to bring you to his trailer tonight, but if he had to be honest, he was glad he had the opportunity to. “you can place your coat and stuff on the couch for now.” he also instructed. you looked around and didn’t know what to say. nice place? nice.. bottles of beer? instead, you took the latter.

“uh.. thanks again for letting me stay. it was really nice of you.” you said awkwardly before disgarding your coat and hat and mittens. you placed them on the couch, feeling the warm air. finally.

“course. not a problem. uh.. bathroom’s over there. i’ll let you take the bed tonight.” jim spoke and you immediately looked at him. ‘i’m used to sleeping on the couch, anyway’ jim had said to himself internally.

“no, its okay. i can sleep on the couch, i don’t mind.” you smiled brightly before excusing yourself to the bathroom. you shut the door behind yourself, and looked in the mirror. you didn’t look too bad, but you didn’t look hot either. the stress made your forehead vein pop, and hopefully after the shower it would be alright. you sighed before disgarding your clothes you had on that day and grabbed the pajamas from the backpack, placing them on the bathroom counter. you turned on the water and felt the way the warm water graced your fingertips. ah. not enough hot water, though.

meanwhile, the chief was sat in his usual spot in the recliner. beer in hand, he channel surfed the tv. he was doing well, he thought. refraining from your good looks, doing his best to not stare too long. but.. could you blame him? it was you. and now you were in his trailer in the shower. naked. he tried his best to let the tv distract him from going in there and spying on you. he really was dirty.

finally, you came out of the shower. you were in a white plain t-shirt and some plaid pajama pants. the perfect outfit to keep warm. you noticed jim was sat in his recliner, watching tv. he was still in his police uniform, and obviously.. you thought the uniform was hot. his pants made his crotch area tighter, so if there was any chance he had any attraction to you.. you would know. the unform defined his muscles well, and he always demanded respect in it. you didn’t know, but you knew a power play was hot.

“i’m uh.. done. it was really nice, thank you,” you told jim softly, slowly reaching to couch and sitting down. jim looked over at you and nodded, going back to the tv. fuck, it was going to be awkward, wasn’t it? what could you do to break this silence thing? “uh.. how’s your job treating you? good, i hope?”

“what?” jim asked and looked at you. you shrugged and looked over at him, hoping to let him know you were just trying to start a conversation. “it’s uh.. same old song and dance. how ‘bout the diner?” he asked you, taking a drink from the beer can. he then reached for the pack of cigarettes, lighting one up. another thing you’re attracted to. the way the cigarette was in between his lips. fuck, you really wished you were that cigarette right now. “hello?” jim had piped up again, and you had to bounce back from your trance. you laughed and shook off the thoughts.

“sorry, uh.. was thinkin’. um.. it’s alright. i mean, it’s gotten better. i got a pay boost, and new clientel has been tipping better.” you told him. you smiled over at him, and jim couldn’t help but smile back at you softly. cigarette still in hand, he took another hit from the cigarette, letting the smoke exhale from his throat. he looked relaxed.. but stressed. you weren’t sure what that was, but you knew that he was kind enough to let you stay in his trailer. you shouldn’t pry.

“that’s good. glad you’re getting what you deserve,” jim spoke. a few more minutes and more staring at him smoking the cigarette, he finished what he was doing and stood from his recliner. he shut the tv off before turning to you. “alright, it’s ‘bout time i head to bed. please, just.. sleep in the bed. it’ll make me feel better.” jim ordered you. you sighed and nodded, standing as well.

“i’m sorry, i just don’t want to be a bother..” you said softly before jim could only think, ‘why would you be a bother?’ nope, personal feelings had to stay far away from his mind. “goodnight, jim. thank you again.” you spoke softly and slowly made your way to the bedroom. jim couldn’t help but watch as you walk to his bedroom. those pajama pants fit you well. he shook the thoughts away again and started to disgard himself of his uniform.

you fell onto his big bed. it was massive. it was cozy, and even smelled like him. despite the piles of dirty clothes and pill bottles everywhere, it felt nice. it would feel way better if he was next to you, though. you sighed and decided to try and fall asleep. an hour passes though, and you’re still awake. not only were you in a foreign place (you didn’t sleep well at places you never stayed at before), but your mind was wide awake. it wouldn’t shut the hell up. thoughts of jim coming in here and making sweet love to you wouldn’t leave. you did your darndest to not masturbate in his bed, but maybe it would relieve some pressure.

you sighed and slowly rolled out of his bed and slowly made your way out to the living room. jim looked asleep on the couch. you ducked behind the corner hoping to not wake him. he looked way less stressed. his eyes were closed, the way his belly went up and down from breathing.. at peace. but you could now get a better visual of him without his uniform on. and for some reason.. it turned you on even more. you swallowed past the lump in your throat and swaddled your way back into his bed.

thoughts danced in the front of your mind, not escaping the wandering of your eyes. what if jim came in here? what if he confessed his feelings and made sweet sweet love? you kept thinking of how he would taste on your lips. his beard would tickle you a little and he would taste of beer and cigarette smoke. but when his head ducked lower, the beard would tickle you even more. lower on your stomach, lower above your navel.. lower on your cunt that is aching to be touched. you swallowed and decided to give it a shot.

your hand ducked underneath your pajama pants, circling around the nerve that wanted to be touched the most. you imagined jim’s finger there instead, the thick digits circling around it. praising you on how good you were doing, confessing his love to you. you let out a soft moan, the thoughts swirling around in your mind. before you knew it, your finger danced around your entrance. you entered one finger inside of you, clearly that not doing much. thoughts of him telling you to beg for it, for him to add just one finger.

“please, please, jim..” you sighed out, begging jim in your mind. you didn’t think you would be loud externally, but it was loud enough for jim to stir in his sleep. he awoke to soft moans coming from his bedroom, curiousity getting the best of him. he stood slowly and walked over to his bedroom, almost forgetting you were in there. but the sight in front of him added a glow to his eyes he hadn’t seen in a long time.

sure, he has pleased lots of women in his spare time. but none of them could have compared to you. the way your hand was underneath your pajama pants, the way your eyes were closed with pleasure.. the way you moaned his name. and my, was that the sweetest way he could have heard anyone say his name. it was almost angelic the way you sounded. he had to palm himself at just the sight, but it came to a shock that he was already hard. what did you even do to him?

“please, i need you, jim..” you moaned out. fuck. jim was at a loss of words. he took a moment to run his hand through his hair, thinking what he should exactly do. he wanted nothing more than to replace your hand with his, whisper sweet nothings in your ear.. however, this was different. he had to remember his morals. “jim.. i’m- i’m gonna cum.” you shrieked out. he wondered if this was some kind of trick, and you weren’t really lost in your mind. except, you really were. you were oblivious to the fact that jim was spying on you. you know what? screw his morals.

jim slowly made his way inside the room, trying his best to not startle you. he wanted to surprise you if you really were about to cum to the thought of him. but when you heard footsteps, your eyes shot open. there was jim, standing there. right in front of the bed. had he been watching you? before you could make any excuse, his hand cupped your mouth. you looked at him with wide eyes, honestly afraid of what he might say. what he might do.

“shh..” jim shushed you, his eyes dancing down to where your hand rested. it was still there, but paused. he looked disappointed. “keep goin’. it’s okay.” he had whispered, and you looked at him confused. you didn’t dare question what he just told you to do. your hand started to rub circles at your clit again, that feeling of cumming being lost. you were startled, and you didn’t think you could muster up that feeling again. especially when he was watching you now.

“jim.. i need.. your help..” you whispered at him, looking at him with doe like eyes. the glow in them.. jim couldn’t resist. he slowly took your hand away, and instead replaced it with yours. his large fingers started to dance around your clit, adding that pressure you were so desperately after. you hummed softly, your eyes shutting softly. the same thoughts filled you, but with the man that was doing this to you, it made it all that much better.

“feel good?” jim whispered in your ear. you nodded desperately, your hands gripping at the sheets. you couldn’t control your moans at this point. you opened your eyes and looked at jim.. he was mesmerized by the way you reacted to his touch. he was curious to see how you would do with himself inside you. he slowly laid down next to you, so he had better access. the motions continued, but you needed more.

“jim.. i need your fingers.. inside me..” you spoke desperately, looking up at him. jim could only accept and nodded softly, one finger sliding inside of you. you moaned softly at the way his finger already managed to find your g-spot, it feeling all too good. he thrusted his finger inside of you, of course slow. he wanted you to be prepared for his cock.

“want another one?” jim asked you, and you nodded. he smirked softly before he looked down at you. he was simply drunk off the way you moaned for him. the way you yearned for his touch. “beg for me..” he instructed and you immediately obliged.

“please jim, i.. i need another finger.. need to feel you..” you moaned out, looking up at him. the two of you locked eyes, and you felt like you were about to cum. that familiar feeling was started to rise, but you needed just a little more to help. “p-please. need your finger to cum..” you begged once more, and immediately he obliged. the second finger added more than what you bargained for. you practically came immediately. “f-fuck, jim- i’m.. cum-cumming..!” you shrieked out, your hands gripping at the sheets on his bed. you were full of him.. his bed, his scent.. his cologne.. and now his fingers deep inside you.

“that’s it. you’re doing so good..” jim praised in your ear. he felt himself get even more hard at the way you spasmed around his fingers, if that was possible. his cock now ached for you. he wanted to be deep inside you, claim you as his. he didn’t care how young you were.. at this very moment, you are all he wanted. and will continue to be, no matter what anyone had thought. once you finished on his fingers, he slowly slid them out of you and licked up the juices. he looked down at you, and noticed how relaxed you were. normally, he would just stick his dick inside and be done with it. but it was.. you. no, he was going to savor this.

“jim.. need.. more of you..” you had managed to whisper out, despite how exhausted you were. you really did want more of him. no matter how overstimulated you got, you needed him inside of you.

“don’t worry, it’s comin’ sweetheart. just need.. to savor you..” and before you knew it, his lips captured yours with his. it was deep, hard, passionate.. and he tasted just like you thought he would. except, a more.. whiskey taste. you were drunk off his lips, the two of you moving in sync. your hand had then palmed at his boxers, feeling the way his cock ached for your touch. you were in heaven. “shit. don’t do that. i need to be inside you..” he hummed against your lips, not wanting to stop. your lips were so addictive. they tasted of coffee.. not only were mornings for coffee and contemplation, it seemed nights were too.

you moaned softly against jim’s own, your hands traveling from his boxers to his chest. hairy. but you didn’t care. he was groomed exceptionally well. his hairy chest fit him, and you were glad for that. eventually, jim took things to the next level. he laid you down fully onto the bed, him on top. he broke the kiss to look down at you, his blue eyes meeting yours. you looked absolutely beautiful.. he wanted you to know this.

“so.. beautiful..” jim hummed out softly before his head ducked down to your neck. he left feather-like kisses, before he left some on your collarbone. you moaned softly, before his hands had found the bottom of your shirt. you helped him take it off, and you didn’t think jim could look more happy until now. his head ducked down to your breasts now, twirling one nipple with his tongue. he made sure the leave equal attention to the other as well, making sure you were left satisfied.

finally, he was getting somewhere. you watched as he started to slide down your pajama pants and underwear. he flung them somewhere in the room, looking down at you. you looked up at him in wonderment, hoping he would do more. you nodded up at him, in hopes he would.

“please, jim.. please.. need to feel you..” you spoke softly, and this was all he needed to hear. he disregarded his boxers, leaving him naked in the moonlight. you watched as he stroked at his cock. it was thick, veiny.. it looked like the perfect puzzle piece.

“i got you. you’re all mine,” jim whispered out before spitting on his hand for lubrication, and then slowly thrusted inside of you. your eyes got big, and he wasn’t even fully inside you. “oh.. fuck. i’m not gonna last long.” jim admitted with a soft chuckle. you fit him so well. so wet, so tight.. it was fucking perfect. you are perfect.

“oh.. jim..” you moaned out softly. you looked up at him, watching the way he shut his eyes softly. when he felt you were well adjusted, he slowly thrusted in more. and eventually, slow thrusts in and out. he then leaned lower down at you, hitting that spot so.. perfectly. “mm.. jim.. it feels so good..” you moaned out, his lips captured onto your neck. his thrusts were gaining at a decent pace now, but he didn’t want to just fuck you. he wanted to make love with you. his hands found yours, and he gripped them tight. your eyes were now shut softly. you then realized.. this was the best sex you have ever had. it was more emotional, more intimate.. chief jim hopper really did have a thing for you.

“fuck.. baby, you’re so.. good. so fuckin’.. perfect..” jim moaned in your ear, getting high off of your own moans. the way you called out his name. the way you accepted his cock inside you. the way you wanted him, and the way he wanted you. with these thoughts in mind, he was getting close, and you were too. again. “i can feel you gettin’ tight.. you gonna cum for me?” jim had asked you, and you immediately nodded.

“y-yes, jim.. i’m gonna cum for you.. fuck it feels.. so good..” you had moaned again, feeling that familiar feeling in your tummy. before you knew it, you were spasming around his cock, you milking yourself on his cock.

“shit, baby. so good, so fucking.. good. can you take my cum?” jim had asked you, and of course you nodded. you wanted his seed deep inside you. you wanted to be his, and wanted nothing more than for him to claim you. with that, he felt himself become undone. your scent, your moans, the way you fucking breathed.. it was over. he emptied himself deep inside you, spasming around your own aching cunt. after he was finished, he laid on top of you, but not fully. he didn’t need you to be struggling to breathe.

“jim.. that felt.. so good.” you managed to break the silence after a few moments, and all jim could so was chuckle. he placed a kiss on top of your head, making sure that you knew you really were safe. with him.

“you’re more than welcome to stay again, y’know. anytime you want.” jim had whispered in your ear. that was his way of telling you his true feelings about you. he wanted you. and you were now grateful for those old pipes your mom put on the house.

[theodorecanaryhood]

The Coffee Shop guy and Red Hood IV

Arkham Verse Jason Todd x Male! Nerd Reader

Warning: mention of homophobia and sex, plus some violence

There was a spring in your step as you walked hand in hand with Jason, the streets were busy as it was coming up November. Of course, people had the bright idea of preparing for next month now.

‘Can we check this place when we’re done?’ Jason asked, you nudged your glasses up your face.

‘Yeah, course’ you winked a little, Jason swung his arm a little along with yours.

You two weren’t paying much attention to what was around you, hence how you didn’t notice that you were leaning toward trouble.

‘Look at these two, queers’ a man called out, hanging back with his two men.

‘The fuck you say?’ Jason shot his head round to look at the men.

You nudged Jason a little to say a message of ignore them, without saying it. But Jason saw red.

‘You heard me’ the man said, obviously the leader of the group.

‘You can call me whatever you want, but you do not call my boyfriend anything’ Jason barked, the three men laughed, not taking Jason seriously.

‘Leave it, babe’ you urged by pulling Jason’s arm.

He softened to your voice and touch, allowing you to lead the way.

‘You should’ve let me hit them’ Jason said, voice shaking from anger.

‘Not when you’re Jason Todd, Red Hood does it and no questions asked. And no, that is not an invite to hunt them down later’ you reassured.

You sat with Jason in a diner, neither of you ate much today so you shared a plate of fries and both had a burger.

‘Fuck’ Jason muttered under his breath, you raised an eyebrow.

Turning your head to see the three men from earlier come into the diner. Sitting at a far end table. They seemed to spot you both as they pointed and chuckled.

‘Ignore them’ you urged again, noticing Jason’s fists clenching up.

You placed your hand gently on his, pleading with your eyes.

You both managed to have a good night out as Jason began to forget about the men from earlier. Until one of them shouted an obscenity to you.

Jason rose onto his feet, but you jumped in front of him, placing your hand on his chest.

‘Get them later’ you whispered, winking as Jason nodded.

You both paid for your food and walked out hand in hand, you stuck your finger up at one of the guys.

The three men were causing trouble again, as they were throwing bricks near passing vehicles. Shouting insults to people in the streets.

Obviously, it was no trouble at all for Jason to track down these three men, who had a record as long as his career.

Red Hood landed on top of their car, whistling at them to alert them. They pulled out their knives as Red Hood flipped over their heads.

Red Hood shot one in the arm and then the leg, wrestling the bigger one to the ground with ease. Then giving a hard kick to the head, knocking him out.

The third, the leader, Jason grabbed his arm and twisted until he heard a loud crack and the man let out a scream.

‘Why?’ The shot man asked, holding his leg.

‘Those two men, from the diner. They’re good friends of mine. And I don’t appreciate the things you said’ he charged and grabbed hold of the man’s shot arm.

The man winced in pain, Red Hood let out a chuckle.

‘Painful? Oops. Maybe this’ll teach you and your fellas here, to be a little nicer to everyone’ he said lowly as he finished off with letting the man drop on the floor.

‘Put pressure here, it’ll slow the bleeding’ he said, hesitating with his thoughts. But still, he didn’t want to kill them. Just make a point.

Sometimes, Jason looked at criminals like these three and felt a tiny hint of pity on them. Unsure why though, however he just wanted to scare them.

‘Done?’ You asked as you came out of the kitchen, Jason nodded.

‘Made sure they went in the ambulance ok, felt bad for shooting one of them. But it was non lethal spots, plus it hopefully scared them enough to be nice’ Jason said, taking his jacket off.

You walked over and gave Jason a kiss on the lips, him lifting you up off your feet.

He took your shirt off along with his, carrying you around the place. Upside down on his back.

‘My glasses are gonna fall off’ you said, taking them off and placing them on the table.

Jason laughed as he threw you off his back and onto the bed. Kissing your chest, stomach and then pulling your pants down.

‘Time for some fun’ Jason growled as he pulled your underwear down.

You gripped the bed sheets as Jason lowered himself and took you into his mouth. Making you moan out his name.

As always, Jason knew how to work you and get you to the end. He knew your body so well, and all its sweet spots.

Not to sound too vulgar, but Jason knew the exact spots to hit with you that most of the time you wouldn’t need to jerk yourself, he’d be so deep in you hitting it himself.

The rainy nights were the best for the winter, as it meant you weren’t in a hurry to leave. But Jason insisted on taking you to laser tag. He was surprised you’d never done it before.

Just simple things like these, innocent moments that Jason had. Times he showed his more fun and outgoing side, it made you fall more in love with him every time.

Moments like these, you never wanted to forget. Moments, Jason would always treasure. He went from the menacing and ruthless Arkham Knight, to the killing machine Red Hood, to this giant yet so loving and caring man.

[waywardcrow]

Timeless.

Chapter IV.

Summary: 1943. 1975. 2024. Three different decades, three different lives, three different times your life and Bucky's interwined; he lost you twice, will he do it again?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader.

TW: It can change each chapter but themes of Bucky as soldier and as the Winter Soldier in general, flashbacks and dreams in italics like this, lots of feels, reader's being a little anxious, some stalking lol, a brief sex scene (p in v), very bad written smut, implied domestic violence (not from Bucky), murder mentioned, past lives, past 40'sreader is mentioned to be named Beth but that changes for 2024 version of her so I nicknamed her little bird for Bucky, Ace for everybody else, this will be a +18 story so minors dni.

Disclaimer: Please remember english is not my first language so if I make a mistake or forget something let me know.

Pictures from pinterest and graphic and dividers by the amazing @ firefly-graphics so all credits to the creators.

Previous chapter <;<<

You were fired, that wasn’t a surprise.

Mia Alexander didn’t sue you for every penny you had, that was shocking.

But getting a call from Pepper Potts herself, that was the real main event of your whole life.

She asked you to go and pay her a visit at her office in the Avengers tower, like if that didn’t send you in a spiral of bliss and terror, what will you wear? What could a woman like her want to talk with someone like you? Even if Sergeant Barnes –Bucky, you reminded yourself- told her what had happened in the gala, she might be mad at you.

Your head begun to think in the possibilities all the way there, considering that this was the reason why Mia didn’t sued you, maybe Pepper Potts would do it.

When you finally arrived to the tower your stomach was in knots, not even your lucky outfit made you feel better but like every other day in your life you sucked it up and walked to the front desk.

“Hi, I’m here to see Miss Potts?” you said, making it sound more like a question and the receptionist stared at your vintage midi skirt and blouse like he understood your hesitation. You offered him a smile before telling him your name so he looked for it in the screen in front of him and gave you a visitant pass.

“Third floor, follow the hall, last door in your right” he said and then went back to his screen.

“Oh, ok, thanks” your neck was hot with embarrassment when you reached the elevators and just became more evident when you got in and someone else did too.

“Good morning, third floor too?” Scott Lang, THE Scott Lang, asked you and you could only nod like an idiot. He did a double take on your face and smiled “hey, I know you; you are the girl who throws champagne at evil bosses.”

You were turning purple, it was a sure thing.

“What?” it was all you said.

“Yeah, the other night you did an incredible stunt, Sam told us everything” so Captain America knew too, great. Scott must saw something in your expression because his changed “is ok, seriously, when we hear what she did no one blamed you for it, I was sure Hope was about to kick her ass and don’t let me start with Yelena” your head was spinning “I think it was brave and more subtle than ruining your boss company and driving a car to his pool”

That earned a strangled laugh from you.

“Are you going to see Miss Potts too, Mr. Lang?” you asked when the elevator doors opened again and you walked with him.

“Actually I’m going to see Maria Hill but I’ll see you later” he smiled at you with such honesty that you relaxed for the first time in all day, making your way to your destiny you noticed the front desk for Miss Potts assistant was empty and you were just on time which was as good as being late.

Without not knowing what to do, you knocked at her door.

“Come in”.

Taking a deep breath, you did it squaring your shoulders and trying to tell yourself everything would be fine.

“Good morning, Miss Potts, I hope is ok I called, there was no one and-“

“It’s completely fine” she said gesturing for you to sit in front of her and went to address your formally even if contradicted her next words “Please call me Pepper, everyone does.

There was something about her, a professionalism that was inspiring but also made her approachable and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Only if you call me by my first name too”

“It’s what you like to be called? Because Sam told me about your friend calling you Ace when he went with Sergeant Barnes to the hospital, I think it fits you” at her words it was impossible not to blush again; first of all because of the mention of Bucky, the recurrent thought of your head the last days and then because of the nickname Harper gave you.

“I mean, yeah, my friends call me that” it was an exaggeration, you only had one friend.

“Maybe we should stick to it, between me and you Pepper is not even my name but I think is perfect for me” there was something like nostalgia in her eyes but she didn’t let you think too much about it “and I like that my employees feel comfortable when we talk.”

“Excuse me, what?” it was really embarrassing how you couldn’t form a decent sentence in front of her.

“I would like you to be my assistant, Ace” she said and then your life really changed.

Bucky still could tasted you, the other you, the one who reincarnated and was born in a rich Italian family in 1950, the one that somehow found him when he was The Winter Soldier.

He wasn’t supposed to fuck you in your fiancée’s car, well ex fiancée, you couldn’t marry a dead asshole. His mind couldn’t know why he needed you that bad but his body did, Bucky was sure it was the conditioning what made him be such a caveman with you but the truth was, you were his mirror back then.

You wanted him since Lucas bragged about his connections to Hydra and how they lend him their best asset to protect the arsenal his father’s company will provided for them. Your whole attention was in the silent assassin who looked at you like you were everything he could ever want.

Lucas wasn’t great with you, his little bird, that’s why he snapped his neck and took you away, sometimes his nightmares will let him breath and remember you surrounding him, riding his cock, high in pleasure, telling him that you loved him before you both were found and he was dragged back to Hell.

As a small blessing, he didn’t remembered that while dreaming, Bucky was too lost on you, in the salty taste of your skin against his tongue when he traced the valley of your naked breasts with it.

“Give me one more, little bird” he ordered, thrusting in and out of you with an incredible skill considering the small space “drench my cock again.”

His english was perfect with you, no sign of hesitation, not remembering he wasn’t supposed to speak it so naturally when it wasn’t necessary; the Brooklyn accent showing up without effort.

“I- I can’t” you sobbed, drunk on him, your body asking for more.

“You will” his metal hand let go your neck to play with your clit, the cold metal sending you to your climax once again, taking him with you.

The softness of your skin against his was the last thing he remembered before waking up.

Harper called you when you got back home and screamed when you tell her the news; she made a joke about coming to work with you so she could see Sam Wilson every day, making you feel better. Since you convinced your parents go and have the retirement they deserved, Harper was the only one you had and she was more than what you deserved but sometimes you wished for more, for someone to go home to.

Like a fool, your mind went to Sergeant Barnes; you needed to thank him for what he did for you.

If not for him, you would have be ruined but how could someone put that in a thank you card?

Maybe you could bake something for him.

Bucky likes apple pie.

The thought came out of nowhere with an intense hint of pain between your eyebrows, what was that?

Maybe a nap would help, your new job waited for you and this was the chance you dreamed of, ruining it wasn’t an option.

When Bucky went to check on you that night, you were already sleeping in your couch, making very difficult for him to let you there. Of course he could break in and carry you to your room without waking you up but it would make you feel unsafe.

It was hard for him to go back to a civilian life, or the closest he could have, his actions needed to be careful, especially around you. It was also torture he remembered almost everything and you nothing at all, that he couldn’t tell you about that night on your porch in 1943 or your breakfast with him, Steve and the Howlies when your unit was sent to Europe and destiny brought you both together again, he couldn't tell you about that time in Italy.

Bucky wanted you to know everything but you will never believe him, in the best case you'd believe it was a joke or a proof of him losing his mind but you could also believe him dangerous –which he was- and get away from him where Bucky would not be able protect you.

Sited there in your fire escape, he started to memorize every part of you he could see through the darkness, if that was all he could have from you, he would make it be enough.

Tag list: @cjand10 @bunnyforhim @cookingdancingchick

Next chapter >>>

Hello lovelies! Sorry for bringing this short chapter, I tried to start going through their past lives but witout giving so much details so this don't gets very confusing, if it still is please tell me so I can work on it, what de you think? I'll love to read about it in the comments!

Love, Lily.

[angelkhi]

mirrorball - j.m

pairing: bodyguard!joel miller x f!reader (3rd person)

summary: a gala isn’t your thing, dress shopping isn’t Joel’s. It’s a shame no one can get their way.

warnings: 18+ (minors DNI), smut in future parts, mentions of alcohol, references to being roofied, language, sexual themes (no actual sex), mentions of blood, joel is a massive dick. let me know if i missed anything!word count: 2.8k

a little note: it’s here! (kinda). ive been kinda busy (i graduated!) but also wanted to take my time with this, and maybe explore some aspects of writing that i usually skim over (my bad). i estimate that this will be maybe 3 parts? i hope i do it justice either way, this fic was born out of this hc, but mostly your encouraging responses. thank you for being so kind 🩷

series masterlist part two>>

For a price tag of almost three grand, her dress is itchy. Sure it's beautiful enough that the slimy little daddy's boys will fawn over her, and each superficial gold digger will give her one syllable compliments in an overly saturated tone, but it fucking itches. She hikes the material further up her thigh for the third time since the short car ride began, trying to scratch at her skin. Maybe it's an allergic reaction. She hopes so, that way she can avoid the event all together. She's half way to pulling her sleeve away from her shoulder, ready to scratch the irritated skin, but a firm grip around her wrist prevents her from that sweet sweet relief.

"Stop fidgeting." Joel's tone is clipped, the usual hint of strain pulling across his words. She swears she's never seen him relax, not since he became her live-in bodyguard anyway. She cuts her eye at him but of course he's not looking. The only time she ever really has his attention is if her life is in danger, other than that its pure nonchalance and ignorant glances. She can admire his desire to fulfil the position, what with the pay and free accommodation, hell if she had a real job she'd probably be just as uptight as him. But there's only so much a person can take.

"It's itchy." Of course she sounds like a whiny little brat. It's fine, that's all he thinks of her anyway, she's sure of it.

"Should've picked the other one then."

She almost laughs.

She had walked him around the store at least four times, each trip resulting in the same two dresses. She couldn't decide between the colours, then the length, and then the sleeves. In the end he forced her into the changing room, mumbling she either picks one of those or goes in nothing. They both know that's not an option. Both dresses felt nice, as nice as a constricting piece of fabric could feel, they both looked as nice as they could in the dreary washed out lighting. In the end she had asked Joel, who sat just the other side of the door, arms folded, shoulders tense, scowl mastered.

Joel isn't one for verbal communication, unless it's telling her to 'go here' or 'stay there' or his most frequented phrase, 'shut up'.

But his eyes say it all.

Sometimes it's a simple twitch, letting her know he's not as irritated as he lets on, others it's a slight squint. That's her personal favourite. That's when she knows she's got him right on the edge.

His eyes fix on her, moving slow and calculated over the second dress. The way the fabric moulds to each divot and curve of her body, lingering on her chest, on the slightly too high slit exposing her thigh. It's a clear winner.

His levels of exasperation had clearly spiked in the time it took for her to change again, his constant glaring, huffing and puffing dialled up to 100. His wide steps only seem to grow wider on the way to the checkout, his whole demeanour screaming get me the fuck out of here. Which is why she doubles back on herself, not needing to check if he's following, she knows he will.

She stops, a wide array of underwear in front of her. She takes her time, making sure to show each and every barely there pair to him, watching that eye twitch with a perfect mix of irritation and lightly tethered resolve.

He'd dragged her out of there in the end, though not after she held up the skimpiest pair of panties she could find. His hand wraps tight around her arm, not enough to hurt her, she knows he'd never do that. But enough to tell her she's officially pushed his buttons a little too much.

Soon enough the car rolls to a slow stop in front of a grand building. Stone columns tower over her when Joel leads her from the car. She likes to pretend it's not in his job description, that instead he's simply just an emotionally constipated gentleman, but she's not stupid enough to believe it. Still, when his hand finds the small of her back, when he guides her up the steps and into the vast museum-turned-ballroom, it's hard to believe that his behaviour is entirely obligatory.

The event is just as grand as she expected. Her father certainly has no trouble with throwing his wealth around, even less so when it presents the opportunity to show just how wealthy he is. An ornate chandelier hangs from the ceiling, casting a warm twinkling light over the guests. An sizeable portion of an orchestra plays dreary classical music from the back of the room, and the guests are filling the space, drinking overpriced champagne and nibbling on bite sized canapés.

She waltzes through the sea of false affluence, painting on her best smile, choosing her most pleasant tone, saying all of the right words. She embraces her father heartily, pushing down the small piece of resistance when he pulls her close. She puts on a good, exhausting show. The only thing that keeps her grounded is Joel, hot on her 5-inch heels, anticipating her every move, being ten steps ahead of her.

She's seated with a handful of the elite from the gathering, laughing when they relay the same stories as always, gasping and feigning surprise when they compliment her. She eats the bland food with a sweet smile and laughs off propositions from parents who just know their son would be a perfect match for her.

In between convoluted speeches, she listens to them drone on about their latest investments, or how well their darling daughters are performing in their ballet classes. She smiles, she drinks. she laughs. She's the perfect daughter. The luckiest girl in the room, with the richest daddy and all the luxuries life could offer. But sat at that table, choking down specs of gold in the dry champagne, she feels more akin to the age old scrolls and scriptures.

A caged artefact, another one of her father's prized possessions, on display to be gasped at. She'd give anything for the glass to shatter, for tiny shards to rain down on each and every person in here. She'd marvel in their horror as they learn they bleed the same as everyone else on this planet. That they're not special, and neither is she.

From the corner of her eye, she spots Joel hiding in the shadows, standing to attention. His eyes constantly scan the room and every few seconds, they're on her. She almost feels bad for practically ogling him whilst he's doing his very best to keep her alive. But his black suit fits his form so well it'd be a sin not to look. She watches as he readjusts his cufflinks for the third time, the material catching around his biceps, the single button clipped across his stomach almost straining with every moment.

Yes, Joel is an insufferable bastard, but he's an unfathomably good looking one. His stoic behaviour is almost forgiven on that basis alone.

A round of applause pulls her from her Joel induced trance. She fixes her smile and joins in, nodding jovially with those around her. Not soon enough, she's free to leave the table, thanking them for their company, and heads straight for the bar. She feels Joel's presence before she sees him, perching a few seats down, eyes still wondering.

She doesn't pay much attention to the man next to her. His suit probably cost more than what most people make in a year, and his charming smile is more snake-like. She smiles when he pays for her drink, laughs and touches his arm, letting him think he has a chance. He's been talking about his most recent investment in overseas stocks for ten minutes, and all she wants is to go home and take off these fucking uncomfortable heels. To be able to breathe without the rigid dress digging into her skin. She wants to be alone, or as alone she can be with her human shadow.

"... and profits are at an all time high. My old man reckons I'll be taking over from him soon enough" The man, Matt? Mike? Manny, speaks. She flashes him a smile.

"Wow. That's amazing." Or at least she hopes it is, he could be talking about his dead childhood pet for all she knows.

"Let me buy you another drink?" He asks. Though it's more of a demand, he's already flagged down the bartender, ordering something sweet and fruity her, and a "real man's" drink for himself.

"You got the last round. I'll get these." She pretends to root around in her too-small purse knowing he'll decline, they always do. Men like him take any chance to throw their money around, wave it in peoples faces, impress the men and woo the ladies.

By the time she's ended the facade, he's waving his amex at her dismissively, nudging the drink towards her. Once again she smiles. She doesn't even want the drink, certainly not in his company.

His beady eyes watch her, a hint of something beneath the thick layer of painted on charm. That snake-like nature increases tenfold and it takes everything in her not to tip the drink down the front of his Givenchy shirt. The glass is barely in her hands when it's ripped from her hands, the familiar scent of Joel invading her space.

His face is taught, that scowl he loves so dearly gone, in its place pure rage. His eyes are dangerously dark, and she's sure if she looked hard enough, there would be smoke blowing from his ears.

It all happens so quickly. The sloshing drink flies from the glass straight into Manny's face, dripping down onto his clothes, turning his sickly white suit into a damp shade of pink. Then Joel is moving, slamming the empty glass onto the bar and gripping the terrified man by his collar.

She can feel the eyes of almost everyone at the gala trained solely on them, she almost expects the music to come to a screeching halt.

She can barely make out Joel's enraged words, despite the silent crowd. She's barely aware of his hand gripping her arm, pulling her through the parting guests. A sea of shocked faces, some sympathetic others purely confused. She stumbles on the top step, her stupid heels and Joel's insane pace working against her. The world turns upside down, and her hands reach out to brace herself, hitting his sturdy back. Even with a layer of clothing between them, she swears she can feel his bare hands across the back of her thighs, the tight muscle of his shoulder pressing against her stomach.

He's thrown her over his shoulder. Like a damned child. And now he's shoving her into the back of the car, as though she's the one that threw a tantrum and caused a scene. He rounds the car and slips in beside her, and they're speeding off back towards her apartment.

The last few minutes slowly slip from a hazy blur to a sharp reality, and she can't help but stare at him. Confusion and pure embarrassment hit her first, then comes the anger. He speaks to the driver for a second, and then the partition is rolling up again.

The car feels ten times smaller and itching of her dress is long forgotten. She wants to ask him what happened, why he dragged her out of there like an insubordinate child, but he's busy typing on his phone, making hushed calls as though a whisper wouldn't travel the few feet of space between them. His chest heaves, small tufts of hair peaking through the now open buttons of his shirt, the once neat tie hanging loosely from his collar.

He barely looks at her the whole time. Even as he helps her out of the car, or guides her into the elevator, or pushes open her front door, bolting it behind them. She throws off the heels the moment she steps into the large living room, knocking an ornament sideways. Not even that gets his attention.

"Sunshine secured." He speaks into his wrist, a small undetectable microphone hidden in one of the cufflinks. Sunshine. She remembers it like yesterday, the first time he'd called her that. She'd stumbled into the kitchen after a late night, barely acknowledging the hulking man sat at the island. She remembers the exact moment his eyes met hers with that all consuming gaze and the slight quirk of his lips as he studied her from head to toe, then in that deep texas drawl, uttered morning sunshine.

She had quickly come to learn it was not as endearing as it seemed. Joel doesn't do endearing.

There's a growing urge to throw something, at a wall or at him is still undecided, so she crosses her arms across her chest instead. She calls out his name, though it falls on deaf ears, his nose buried in that stupid phone of his. She tries again, and again until throwing something doesn't seem like such a bad idea anymore. Finally, he grants her the privilege of his attention and she considers for a moment, if that's all she wanted. Not answers, just his acknowledgement. He raises an eyebrow, his nonchalance pushing her over the edge.

"What was that?" It comes out as a high pitched shout, rather than the calm and controlled manner she had hoped.

Once again, he quirks his brow saying nothing any everything . This doesn't concern you, or are you really that stupid?

"Joel, you just threw a drink on someone and dragged me out of a room filled with hundreds of people. You would think that warrants an explanation!"

He has the nerve to huff and shake his head, shoving the buzzing phone in his pocket and takes a step towards her.

"You want an explanation." He eyes her again, focusing on the slow curve of her dress. "There was a threat. I eliminated it."

She scoffs, "You were being a dick."

"I was doing my job."

"Oh that's what it was! Your little tantrum was you doing your job?" She's aware that she's now the one throwing a tantrum, not that she cares when he's acting so high and mighty, as though the status of his role outweighs her own peace of mind.

"Go to bed." His phone buzzes again, he ignores it. "It's been a long night and I have a bunch of shit to deal with."

"Are you being serious right now? You just humiliated me in front of everyone. Was carrying me down the steps really that necessary?" If she was itching to throw something a few minutes ago, she's desperate now. Maybe her shoe, right in his face.

"He would've done a lot worse Sunshine, now go to bed." For fucks sakes.

"No! Not until you tell me what is going on."

He sighs, pinching the small bump along the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes for a moment. He does this a lot, when he's trying not to yell at her or even better still, quit his job. He shoots her a pointed look.

"If you weren't so busy flirting with your little boyfriend, you would've noticed him slipping something in your drink." His words are met with a long silence, and the space between them seems to stret even further.

The dress feels tighter, and she wobbles a little, though this time she can't blame it on the shoes. She was wrong. He hasn't humiliated her in front of everyone, he'd done it in her own home.

"Unzip me." Her voice is clipped. She's not sure if she wants to scream or cry. Maybe both. He hesitates for a moment, but then he's there right behind her pulling the zip down so torturously slowly, the soft brush of his knuckles on her skin threatening her with a shiver. She almost hates herself for it.

He steps back, but she doesn't face him. The dress slides off easily, leaving her in barely anything not that she cares. She's already humiliated herself enough, what's another notch in the belt? She gathers up the crumpled fabric, wanting nothing more than to throw it in the bin, and walks down the hall pausing at her door. She turns to him. She refuses to let him have the last word, he doesn't deserve it, not tonight. With tears already threatening her voice and Joel's beyond sour mood she's not sure she cares much either. Making sure to look directly into his eyes, she bares herself, lets him see the hurt he has caused.

"Fuck you."

She makes sure the door slams behind her, leaving him alone in the dark.

[bakiuwu]

An old nsfw yujiro x strydum fic that ive never shared on here lol

..............................................................................................

"I'm bored"

Yujiro wasn't the type of man who gets bored, his boredom is a threat to the United States of America. It is something that should be taken seriously, nothing but danger can come from such a statement. " gulp....... Ya don't say" strydum looks at the threat in his backseat thou the rear mirror. "How bout we go to a museum?" He suggests, something tha him yujiro does quite often at times. "Nah we did tha shit last week",

"hmmm how bout I drop you off at some random dojo". Yujiro pause, considering it "Nah that's even more boring" he says as he looks at strydum

Yujiro getting bored was something tha rarely happen but it was still a potential threat

Strydum continues to drive, trying to come up with something to sustain the beasts boredom "hmmmm how bout we go out to eat?" He looks at yujiro, hoping tha will strike some interest. Yujiro stares at strydum thou the mirror, he got a good view of the man's face. He could tell strydum was running out of ideas to keep him entertained "poor stry, trying so hard come up with something :(" yujiro jokingly thought to himself. He saw a bead of sweat drip from the other man's forehead down to his chest, yujiro always thought of strydum chest being nice he always find himself staring at them.His face and body was quite attractive as well he would be lying If he said otherwise, He turns his attention to his neck fantasizing about licking a long wet stride from his neck to his.......yujiro grins and licks his lips as he lean forward to get a better look of strydum. This wasn't anything new for yujiro

He wasn't the type to lust for others maybe when comes to a fight but sex wise not too much. Strydum was an exception, his lust for him was strong late nights yujiro always found himself thinking of the man. Fantasizing about the his musk,taste and touch he wanted him bad no....he needed him. "I'm taking tha your not hungry, you haven't said a word since I asked" strydum says with a concern tone. Yujiro's grin grows wider leaning into strydum ear "yea....I'm reallll hungry,let's go back to my hotel room " now yujiro was inches away from licking strydums neck but he want to tame himself until they got back to the hotel, wouldn't want to make them crash. Strydum face turn red, he started breathing hard trying his hardest to focus on the road.

In no time the two arrived at the hotel, as the two got into the elevator strydum was able to feel yujiros body heat on the back of his neck. Yujiro tried his hardest to contain himself from biting into his neck but damn it was a hard task. The two got to yujiro's Infamous room "00000". As soon as the two got into the room, yujiro slammed strydum Into the back of the door smashing his lips into his. This kiss was heated, yujiro moved to strydum's neck the thing he been craving since they're were in the car.

He sucks on his neck then bites the shit outta of him drawing blood in the process, to strydum's dismay he moans as yujiro laps up the blood continuing to suck on the bruise. Yujiro smirks as he begins to go lower on his neck kiss and sucking his collar bone, he unbuttons strydum's shirt groping his pecs. Kissing on them then going lower to his stomach, now finally getting to his hard cock tha was just begging to be let out, strydum was red,breathing hard and losing his shit. He looks down on the man who is referred to as "The Orge" "The strongest creature on the planet", A man who is feared by the whole world was now getting ready to suck his cock like horny slut he was. Even tho strydum was standing tall as yujiro was on his knees before him, yujiro was clearly in control, keeping eye contact with strydum as he pull down his pants releasing his cock.

"Such a nice built, can't wait to savor it~" yujiro examined his cock closely, strydum was a nice size 7 to be exact, had a nice color to it not to pale not to pink. He kept himself nice and groom, yujiro looks up at the man who face was deep red now, he smirks leaning closer to his cock licking a long stride up to the already leaking tip. Strydum throws his head back moaning so loud to where if anybody was around they would know wha the two were up to. Yujiro sinks his head all the way to the base of strydums cock while maintaining eye contact, he wanted to watch him whimper and lose his shit as he sucked his cock.

He slowly sucks up and down, teasing the man before him he sunk his head back down repeating the motion strydum beings to lose his patience as he begins to grab a handful of the beast hair and pumps his himself into the man's mouth sloppily and desperately. Strydum starts picking up the speed, now using both hands on yujiros head face fucking the beast. Yujiro eyes rolled back taking the rough face fucking, hearing strydum pathetic moans. "Fucckk, it's like your throat was made just for me" he continued to pumps hard and fast, the only noise tha was heard was moaning and the wet-sloppy sound of skins slapping together.

Strydum came to a close, cumming deep in yujiro's throat he pulls out painting yujiros face with his hot cum being pleased with how big of load he released.yujiro sat there panting tongue out with his face paint with his friends cum, there was an odd slicene only heavy breathing. Yujiro looks up at a tired strydum "tha was fun, we should do tha everytime I'm bored~"

All strydum can do was groan at the statement, hey atleast the beast was entertain

[concealeddarkness13]

Fire and Steel (Speedrunning Therapy) Part 4

Content warning for mild suggestive themes, mentions of sex, kissing, and needles (in a dream). And here’s part 4! This one’s got a lot of fluff. About 7,500 words for this one!

Part 1, part 2, part 3

Tagging: @drabbleitout, @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, and @for-fuchs-sake!

I pulled back when Ryker and Ives started heading for the stairs. Beau was so sweet, and I already completely trusted him. Honestly, she trusted all of them. I nodded and headed after them. I didn’t say anything, just nodded to Ives when I caught up, since he had been waiting.

We got to the parking lot and the car, and I headed for the backseat, but Ryker got there first and slid into the backseat. I frowned, but went to the front seat as Ryker laughed. “Well I’m not gonna make her sit in the back by herself. That’s rude.”

Ives opened the door for me, and my cheeks burned as I sat in the seat. He was so kind. I barely remembered to thank him, damnit.

When Ives closed my door, Ryker leaned up so he could whisper. “Hey, just want to let you know. Ives is pretty experienced when it comes to people, but still new at having his own place. He, uh, he tends to hover when he’s nervous. You know, like,” he made a circular motion with a hand, “hang around worrying you’re not comfortable. Might take him a second to get you figured out, and it might seem a little awkward. But he warms up.”

I just nodded when Ives got in. I wasn’t used to such care or worry. I just settled in the seat as Ives started driving, but I could feel him glance over at me during the drive, and he drove a lot more cautiously than anyone else. Almost as if he was worried about me. I…I didn’t understand. Why would he be worried for me?

But I just stayed quiet as we got to Ryker’s building. He sighed. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Chess.” He opened his door. “I hope to see you around more. I’m serious about the job search though. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

I nodded and smiled. He was so kind. “Thank you. I appreciate it. It was nice to meet you too.” Once he left, I settled in my seat a little more. Ives’s driving was calming, and the drinks I had were giving me a slight buzz. So, I was just happily tired. I looked over at Ives after a bit. “Do you like your new apartment? Where were you before that?”

“It isn’t bad.” He watched Ryker get inside before he drove off. “It can be isolated, but I’m adjusting. I used to be at the station. They have barracks for us there, in the back. But there’s far less room there, much like your standard janitor closet.” He glanced over at me, his expression unreadable. “Did you have a home where you’re from?”

He lived in a fucking janitor’s closet? Maybe I would have to punch more people. I huffed. “Glad you got out of that shit. But no. Not that I remember, at least. I just kept travelling, and I tried to find a place to stay at night, but if not, I slept in an alley.” I shrugged. I was used to it.

“Hm,” he didn’t say anything for a bit. “Are conditions much colder there? I’ve noticed your average body temperature is much higher than the medical standard of humans here. Is that an adaptation to the cold?”

I shook my head. “It could get really cold there, but my internal temperature is hotter than the humans on my world too. I have fire magic, which I got from my prosthetics, and I think that’s what makes my body hotter. Oh, and just in case so it doesn’t worry you, I do occasionally cough up smoke. This’ll sound ridiculous, but I think there’s a magical fire burning in my lungs, and whenever I get too stressed especially, it flares up and burns my throat and makes me cough. I’ve dealt with it for at least two years, so it’s not something to worry about.”

He stopped the car at the light and turned to look at her, brow wrinkled. He looked even more worried. Shit. “Not something to worry about? You…you’re burning. Right now? There is fire inside your lungs at this very moment?”

I grimaced. Yeah, that sounded ridiculous. “I never was able to confirm it, but that’s what I believe. What else burns my throat when I’m stressed or just because?”

“I’m assuming due to your experience with medical establishments, you’ve never had your condition studied? To see if there may be something done -if it’s something you rather not have, of course.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, I don’t like hospitals, and anyway, they wouldn’t treat me or check out my condition. I’d be interested in learning about it if I could, though.”

“I agree with Beau, then. We should have Mikki check to see what she could find. I think you’d like her. She takes very good care of us.” He kept driving, still driving so cautiously.

She sounded wonderful. Maybe I could flirt with her. I nodded. “Sounds good.” Oh, and Beau had mentioned that I could decide whether I wanted to go into work with the person I stayed with or stayed at their place during the day. So, I had to ask Ives. “Oh. What would you prefer tomorrow? For me to go in with you or to stay in your apartment? I’m good either way, so it’s up to you.”

“Oh, that…” He trailed off. “That is entirely up to you. I admit, I’m not used to making those sorts of decisions, but I do believe it should be safe if you’d like to go tomorrow. I don’t want you to feel as if you have to if you aren’t feeling up for it. You aren’t expected to do anything you don’t wish or don’t feel comfortable doing.” He glanced at me, and I stared back at his gorgeous light blue eyes. He was so kind. “You understand that, don’t you?”

It was so odd that they all were so worried about my comfort. I shrugged. “It’s more that I’d feel comfortable either way. I don’t get uncomfortable easily, unless I’m stressed, and I’m not stressed out around you.”

“I…thank you. I’m glad that I don’t frighten you. I know I’m not built to be as approachable as Beau. But if you feel up for it, tomorrow should be a good day to see Mikki. At least, as long as there are no emergency calls she has to tend to." The car started slowing down again. I glanced out to see a tall building that we seemed to be headed for. It had hanging vines on it and blue lights. It was so pretty! “This is where I stay.”

I nodded, still staring at the building. But I had to address what he had said. “I think you’re very approachable. You have a dog and you’re very handsome.” My cheeks burned, and I couldn’t look at him.

He didn’t say anything for a while, and my cheeks just kept burning worse. Fuck. “Thank you. I’ve only heard that from those who are inebriated or attempting to avoid arrest. It sounds more different coming from you. And I’m glad that Niner has favor with you. She’s usually seen as even more terrifying than me.” He drove into a place to park his car. There were a lot of other cars here as well, and it was well-lit. “I know Niner is very fond of you. I’m sure she’ll be just as pleased to know you’re here tonight.”

I nodded, warmth blooming in my chest. I loved her so much. She was so amazing. “I can’t wait to see her again.” I glanced over at him as he was parking the car. He was so fucking gorgeous, and I didn’t know if he expected it, but honestly, I wouldn’t mind spending the night with him (if you know what I mean). A smile pulled at my lips, and I kept my voice low and flirty. “But Niner certainly isn’t the only reason why I wanted to stay with you. I couldn’t have asked for a more handsome partner tonight.”

The stop was a little more jarring this time, and I tried not to laugh. “I’m sorry,” he said. “And I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough to stay here tonight. I promise you’ll be safe here.”

That was sweet! But that probably meant he didn’t understand what I had meant. So, I went for blunter. I tilted my head. “I certainly feel safe with you. And I bet you only have one bed, so we’ll have to share.”

“Absolutely not.” He shook his head slowly, and I had to stop myself from laughing again. “I wouldn’t expect you to be comfortable with sharing sleeping quarters with me, especially considering you’re in an entirely new place. Besides, I don’t sleep in the traditional way Humans do. Like Valetta said, you need the best rest you can get. You should have the bedroom to yourself.”

Honestly, I preferred sleeping next to someone. “I’d have a better rest if you were there with me.”

“Are you concerned someone may break into the apartment? I promise you this building has the latest in security systems, and I will still be there.” He hesitated, leaning forward and touching my hand gently. I relaxed even more at the touch. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Damn, he was smooth without even realizing it! My cheeks burned way worse, and I tilted my head. Time for very blunt. “Such a gentleman. I think the best way you can do that is by cuddling with me all night.”

Bingo. That made him realize what I was saying. He froze and stared at me, taking a long while before he could respond. “You -you would be comfortable enough to rest while in the same room as me?”

Fuck yeah! I rested, even if it was only a little bit, all the time with people I was very uncomfortable with. But I already trusted Ives and felt very comfortable around him. He was so kind. I nodded. “I’ve slept with people I’ve trusted way less. And I actually trust you a lot. And I feel completely comfortable around you.” I didn’t really understand why, but that was the truth.

He froze again, and I couldn’t help the thrill I felt at being able to make him flustered. He seemed so calm and in control most of the time. He finally spoke after a long silence. “I—I don’t quite understand the reason for your trust. I’m not made in the same way humans are. I’m not sure how much comfort I may be. But if I agree to this, I need to know you will tell me as soon as something changes. If you no longer feel comfortable.”

Oh, he was someone who needed a lot more flirting in his life. I nodded. “Of course. And I hope you’ll do the same. I certainly don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

He frowned a little. “It isn’t discomfort as much as confusion.” He glanced at the dashboard. “Did Garnet put you up to some strange dare or prank?”

I immediately shook my head. “No! I wouldn’t flirt with someone as a prank. That’s fucking awful! I’m 100% genuine, I promise. I think you’re very handsome.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I’m afraid I don’t quite grasp the attraction based upon physical looks, but I do think you’re beautiful. I’m just not sure of a way to describe it.” He went quiet and nodded. “I hope that doesn’t offend you.”

Oh fuck. My cheeks burned worse. Damn, he was so kind. “No, that doesn’t. Honestly, I’ve heard way the hell too many drunken bastards call me beautiful and then in the next sentence mention how I’m less than an animal because of my prosthetics, as if their attention was their gift to me. So, someone commenting on my physical beauty has lost all meaning to me, anyway.” I shook my head. “But forget that. I’m also interested because you’ve been so kind to me, and I noticed how careful you’ve been around me, as if you were worried you’d make me scared again. And you couldn’t do that, but I appreciate the sentiment.” I winked.

Ives frowned deeper, and I worried that I had said something wrong. Of course I had. I had fucked it up like I always did. I should know by now that being vulnerable was never a good idea. But then he spoke. “I will always be careful around you. You’ve had a difficult life and I want to be sure it never happens again.” His eyes darkened, and I stared. But then he looked back over at me as my cheeks burned worse, somehow, and his expression softened, and I had to stare at him. He looked even more gorgeous now. Shit. “Perhaps we could head up now. It’s only going to get colder and I don’t want you catching ill.”

“You’re so sweet.” I got out of the car, still not able to comprehend why he cared and worried so much, but it was so nice.

I walked around toward the back of the car, and Ives got out and walked over too. “One moment.” He opened the trunk, and I stared. Niner! Niner was here!!! “I had to transport her home tonight considering Ryker agreed to drive me home. When taking a rideshare I’m usually not able to.” I barely listened, honestly, as a squeal escaped my mouth as she woke up and jumped down, instantly going over to me. “You see? She is fond of you.”

I instantly petted her when she got close, and she was still so soft and warm and amazing! “I’m…I’m so glad. She’s amazing.” My voice cracked, and my cheeks burned.

Ives spent a while locking the car, but I didn’t mind. It gave me more time to pet Niner! Once he was done, I followed him into the building, still petting her. Ives looked over at me. “Do heights bother you?”

I shook my head, staring at Niner. Her tail was wagging! “I actually like them.”

“Good, I wanted to make sure in case we needed to take the stairs.” We walked into a small lobby, and I spared a glance to see a small waterfall and down farther, the glass walls looked like a night sky! But then my attention was back on Niner as Ives hit the button for the elevator. She was the best dog ever! But I did reach over to take his hand, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles as we waited.

After a while, I vaguely noticed someone else approach. He scoffed. “All dogs are supposed to be on a leash.”

“She is,” Ives responded. “It’s Bluetooth.” I had no idea what that was, and it wasn’t my place to say anything, so I just stayed quiet. But then I felt the man’s eyes on me, and my skin crawled. It was kind of like the way people would stare at me on my world, just not as harsh. But I just kept my attention on Niner and tried to ignore the man.

The elevator arrived, and I followed Niner onto the elevator, and Ives kept the man from coming on. “You can call for another elevator.” And the doors closed without complaint. I breathed a sigh of relief as Ives hit the button for the sixtieth floor. “I’m sorry about that.”

I looked up from Niner with a shrug. “I’m used to it. It doesn’t bother me.”

“It bothers me.” He eyed me as Niner sat at my feet, leaning into my pets. “I may not understand physical attraction, but I’m familiar with being seen as an object. That, you should not be subjected to, and I won’t allow it in my vicinity. But if I step over a boundary, please say something.”

I nodded. “Thank you for stopping him. And I’ll let you know, but I don’t think you will. I found what you did to be sweet.”

His expression softened again, and I smiled back. Had I made him happy saying that? I wanted to say it more then. The elevator reached the floor after only a little bit, and even the lobby of the floor was gorgeous! The floor was white tile, while the walls were painted a soft gold. And the windows! They took up the whole exterior and looked out on the city! We were so high up! I ran over to the windows and stared. “This is amazing! I’m never leaving this apartment.” I glanced over at Ives with a mischievous smile before I returned to the breathtaking view.

He walked over to stand beside me. “If you change your mind about leaving tomorrow, that’s alright. Although, it doesn’t look as vivid in the daytime, but you can see the ocean then.” He pointed in a certain direction, and I stared there, as if I could already see it. The ocean! I had always wanted to go see it! “It isn’t terribly bright as it would be in tropical areas, but it’s there.”

I grinned. “I’ve never been able to see the ocean, but I’ve always wanted to! Even though the sand and salt would probably fuck up my prosthetics.” I unconsciously moved closer to him and leaned against him.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I relaxed more against him. I felt so completely safe around him already. “I haven’t been to the beaches myself. Most of them are boardwalk shops. Our station covers more of the area to the west.” He pointed away, towards more of the lights of the city. “I don’t have a consistent shift like most officers. As a Synthetic unit I can be called at any time if a situation calls for it -hence why I stayed at the station until recently. But the need for crisis intervention has fallen recently. So I shouldn’t be needed outside of typical hours.”

This was so nice. But once my eyes started to close, I straightened up and tried to stifle my yawn. “I’m sorry. I’m ready.”

“Don’t apologize. We should get you to bed however.” He led me a little down the hallway to his apartment, and he opened the door without a key or anything. Cool! And the inside was nice and dark, with black hardwood floors, a white couch and chair, and a huge floor to ceiling window! I stayed in the entrance though, just taking it in. I didn’t know if he would be ok with me sitting anywhere. He closed the door behind him. “It may be cool in here, please let me know if I need to change the temperature.”

Oh fuck, I had to pounce on the opportunity. I grinned and took off my jacket, so I was only in my tank top and pants. I even slipped my tank top strap and bra strap off my left shoulder as I leaned closer to him. “You already want to bed me? That’s exciting! And I’ll certainly stay warm with you.” And I winked.

He froze with his hand still on the door, and I grinned more. And some kind of whirring came from him. It took him a while to speak, but I waited patiently. “Would you like me to?” It almost sounded mechanical that made me wonder what that meant. “Or is that sarcasm?” He offered to take my jacket.

He really needed to be flirted with more. And I would do the honors if he didn’t seem uncomfortable. I handed him my jacket. “That is certainly not sarcasm. If I’m flirting, it’s genuine. I certainly don’t want to flirt with someone I’m not interested in and have them get the wrong idea. So, yes.” I lowered my voice back to flirty and sexy. “I’d love for you to bed me.”

He laughed quietly, and he looked surprised by it. As if to buy him some time, he put my coat up and put the keys next to it. “I may be a bit of a disappointment. I lack experience in such. But I admit, I do enjoy your close company.”

Aw shit. My cheeks burned, and I smiled more genuinely. “You won’t disappoint me. I can make up for any inexperience, if you’re worried about that. And I do enjoy your close company as well.”

He looked very worried and confused, and I did back up slightly just in case I was making him uncomfortable. “Perhaps tonight should be taken one step at a time. I want to prioritize your comfort. Would you like a shower, a change of clothes, or to rest while I get things in order for your stay?”

I blinked as warmth bloomed in my chest. He didn’t jump at the chance to sleep with me. That was so refreshing. “You’re such a good person. Thank you. Um. A shower and change of clothes would be nice.”

“You’re welcome, it’s the least I can do. I…well, I’ve just realized you don’t have your own change of clothes. I’m sure I have something, but,” he smiled a little, “it may not fit you properly. If you’d like, I can wash what you have on to be ready for your day tomorrow.” He started down the hall, but I stayed at the entrance. I didn’t know if I was really allowed to just walk in.

“It would probably be a good idea to have these clothes washed.” I hadn’t been able to wash them in days.

He paused at the entrance of the hall, where the other areas of the apartment would be, probably. He looked back at me, and my cheeks burned again. “I can show you to the washroom if you’d like. Please don’t feel like you’re confined to the entry. While you’re here, this is your home as much as mine.”

Home? I froze and had to wrap my head around it. I could…have a home? I just tried to not show how my confusion and excitement as I nodded and followed him. I…I could have a home! I might not have to worry about falling asleep in an alley again. Warmth bloomed in my chest. I couldn’t believe it. “Thank you.” I took his hand as we walked. He was so warm and comfortable, and I felt so safe with him. That was so important.

Ives led me down the hall, showing me the entrance to the kitchen. “I don’t…exactly have food. But, if you know of things you might like to eat we can get some to store here.” He paused, and I looked at the kitchen. It was so nice. But honestly, I had never cooked food, so I’d probably just burn anything I tried to make. He gave me a small tug and kept walking to where the bathroom was. It looked so nice. “I also don’t have any extravagant soaps. I’m afraid it’s fairly basic. But, that’s also something we can get for you. If you have a preference.”

I nodded. “Thank you. I don’t have any specific preferences, but it would be nice to look. Anyway, I think I’ll need more clothes. I’ll probably look like a child in your clothes.” I laughed a little. He was so fucking tall. I only came up to his chest.

His expression was so fucking soft, and I had to stop myself from getting up on my tiptoes and kissing him right then and there. Fuck. I loved touch way too much.

It seemed he was having an existential crisis too. After a silence, he spoke. “Most likely, I’m afraid. But, if you’d like, you can leave them in the hallway. I’ll bring your own towel and clean clothes and come back and get yours to wash. Please feel free to take your time.”

I nodded and let go of his hand reluctantly, going into the bathroom and locking the door, just in case. Once I got out of my clothes, I put them outside the door before getting in the shower. My thoughts were more muddled than they normally were when I flirted. And…well, this wasn’t what I normally felt when flirting. What did that mean? What was I feeling? I had no fucking idea. But it was more than just attraction. I felt so damn safe around him. And I had never felt safe around anyone, at least that I could remember. And it was so nice. My cheeks burned at the thoughts, and I couldn’t help but keep thinking in a loop during the whole shower.

Finally, I finished my shower and changed into the large shirt that dwarfed me and shorts that I could at least tighten at the waist, even though they still felt too large in the waist. And when I left and found Ives in his room, I was completely flustered, just trying to figure out what my feelings even were.

He was making the bed, but when he looked over and our eyes met, he dropped the pillow he was holding. He stuttered a little, and my cheeks burned. “H-how are they? Comfortable?”

I nodded. “They’re…they’re good. Very comfortable. Thank you.”

He nodded and grabbed the pillow, finishing up the bed. “Are you sure you’re alright with sharing a bed? If you’ve changed your mind I have no issue leaving it to you. I…I rarely use it myself.”

I nodded, scared of the tension and silence. If I could just think of a flirt, but fuck. Everything was slipping from my mind. “I’m sure. I’ve always felt better having someone near me.” I laughed. “And yes, they’re comfortable, but I hope you won’t be offended that I want to take them off tonight.” Wow. That was a fucking terrible flirt. My cheeks burned worse.

“If you’re more comfortable. I have no problem with lack of clothing.” And oh fuck. He took off his shirt and grabbed another, and my mind short circuited.

“If you want!” I blurted. “You could just leave your shirt off!”

“Would you want me to?” He paused. “Clothes aren’t entirely important to me. I don’t entirely carry the same understanding or attachment to clothing.” He chuckled and graced me with taking his shirt off again. “In a way, my paneling is what you would consider clothing.”

I had to be completely red at this point, and I wasn’t usually flustered by this! Damnit, what was going on? I couldn’t stop staring. He had abs and…and damn. He was gorgeous. “Well, it’s all so pretty.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, still staring.

“Is it too much?” As he was literally taking off his pants. Oh fuck. Maybe I would just pass out right now.

I blinked, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Was I being disrespectful? Shit. But I couldn’t look away or even find words for a bit. “No, no. It’s great.” My voice sounded like I was about to pass out. Did he know what he was agreeing to? “It’s just…are you really okay with sleeping together? With having sex?”

“Are you okay with sleeping together?” He sounded so fucking calm! I looked away long enough to look at his lips instead. Damn. “I am committed to sharing the bed, if that’s what makes you comfortable, if it will help you sleep. As for sex, it isn’t a necessity for me, and I don’t know that it would be the same for me as for you. I’ve…well, I’ve never actually tried before.” He watched me with thoughtful eyes, but his stare didn’t make my skin crawl. It had none of the lust and hunger I was so used to. “It isn’t an expectation or prerequisite for staying here. That I hope you understand that.”

I nodded, and all of my confused thoughts spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I…I understand. It’s just…I’m really attracted to you. You’re very handsome, and you’ve been so sweet to me, and I feel so comfortable and safe around you. And all I really know is having one night stands with people, but this might be more, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you’re really pretty and I don’t know how to say how I feel about you. But I care deeply for you already, and I want to protect you from those Auditors, and I want to have a close relationship with you, both mental and physical, and I’m not sure what that means yet, but I want to figure it out. And I’m sorry, I’m just feeling flustered around you because you’re very attractive and I care a lot about you. But I would be interested if you would.” I ducked my head afterwards. Fuck. I shouldn’t have said all that. I probably ruined everything! It wasn’t like I could have a long-term relationship with someone, and didn’t people normally take longer to figure this stuff out? All I had, all I was good for, was one night stands. No one would want me for more. So, why the fuck was I telling him this?

He didn’t speak for a while, and I became convinced that I certainly had fucked it all up. But he walked over softly and placed a knuckle beneath my chin, lifting my head gently so I was looking at him. And I swore I could get lost in his light blue eyes. “Teach me,” he whispered. “I want to figure this out as well. I want to make sure you’re safe and comfortable. I don’t want anything to happen to you, from the moment I saw you at the station, so teach me how I can care for you.”

Fuck. I had to be bright red with how much my cheeks were burning. I couldn’t find my voice for a bit. “I…I don’t honestly know. No one has ever cared for me before. Until I came to this world.”

“Then that’s something we’ll have to learn together. But you have to do one thing for me. You have to stop apologizing for expressing yourself. How else am I to learn from you? If you want something, tell me.”

I swallowed hard, everything getting muddled and confused in my head. “Would you still care if we didn’t have sex? But would you be okay with kissing and cuddling tonight? I’m…I think I’m too confused to go all the way yet.”

He tilted his head. “Would I be upset if we didn’t? No. I’m still going to care for you either way.” He must not have realized what an anomaly that was. Anyone who wanted to be close to me wanted sex and that was it. He moved his hand from my chin, brushing hair out of my face, and I leaned into the touch as tears started to blur my vision. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. Someone actually caring about me. “In all honesty I think I would prefer kissing and cuddling first. Tonight. This week. This month. However long it takes to be comfortable. To do what you want, not what you must to survive.”

I nodded. It was so hard to believe. I could go slow with it. I didn’t have to rush because I actually had time because I had people who cared about me, and they didn’t want to leave. I kept staring into his eyes as long as I could as I kissed his collar bone (since that was where I could reach), and I reached up and ran a hand through his hair, enjoying the softness. I leaned more against him as I relaxed and didn’t try so hard to decipher my thoughts and feelings.

Ives leaned down, closing the distance between us, pulling me so I was flush against him from chest to knee. My cheeks burned worse, but I leaned into the contact, savoring the warmth and softness of his skin. He buried his face in my shoulder, and my breath hitched as I continued to run my fingers through his hair, messing up how perfectly it had been styled just minutes before. But then he gently kissed my neck up to my jaw, and I fucking melted. He…he was initiating contact. I always had to initiate. Every fucking time. I never imagined someone would ever take the lead, and I let him.

He moved back, and I was about to protest, but he looked me in the eyes, and I almost got lost in his eyes again. “Chess, may I kiss you?”

I wrapped my free arm around his waist, pulling him as close as I could. I closed my eyes, feeling so completely, utterly safe around him. When I hadn’t with anyone else I slept with. I nodded, trying to find my voice. “Yes, I’d like that.” Fuck. My voice sounded so husky.

He brought his hands up to gently cup my face, staring into my eyes, and fuck, I was drowning in his eyes. I could barely think about anything else until he gently brought his lips to mine. And…he was adorable. Certainly genuine and trying, but he needed a little bit of help.

And since I had all the experience, I kissed him back passionately, less hesitantly, gently maneuvering his lips and tongue into the best way to kiss. And he relaxed and deepened the kiss, and I sighed and leaned completely against him. Damn. Once he learned how to, he was an amazing kisser. His hands gently combed through my hair as I pulled him closer and got lost in the kiss.

As my knees buckled, he brought his hands down to my waist, and I moaned, but he kept going down my thighs and actually fucking picked me up. He held me comfortably, leaning back to look at me as my cheeks burned completely. “Are you okay? Is this okay if I take you to bed?”

I had to stop myself from purring my words as I nodded. “Yes, I would like that very much.” But wait. What about Niner? I wanted to sleep near her too. “Oh, but what about Niner? I don’t want her to be lonely out there all alone.”

He laughed, and I had the sudden need to hear him laugh again. His laugh was beautiful. His eyes met mine, and he nodded. “Call her. She’ll come to you.”

Oh shit. She would listen to me? I grinned and looked at the door. “Niner? Please come here!”

I could hear her running for us! When she showed up in the doorway, I squealed a little and held my hand down to her. She walked over and nudged my hand as I started petting her. She was the best dog in the world! “Can she sleep in the bed too?”

Ives gave me the best news. “Of course, if you want.” He sat down on the bed, so I was sitting in his lap, but I barely noticed as I kept petting Niner. “Tell her, she’ll listen.”

I nodded. Would she really just understand me? “Niner, could you please sleep on the bed tonight?”

Niner jumped on the bed and walked over to us, sniffing especially at me, which just made me giggle. Her sniffing was ticklish. I scooted closer to her, petting her even more. “She’ll stay the night,” Ives said softly. “She’ll be right here.”

I gave her more ear rubs at the wonderful news. Dogs were just so amazing, and Niner was the sweetest and cutest! “Thank you. I just love her so much. She’s amazing.” But, fuck, my eyes were getting heavy, and I yawned as I leaned back against Ives. This was the best day ever, and I didn’t want to go to sleep. What if I woke up, and I was back on my world, in that nightmare of a place?

Niner curled up at the foot of the bed, but before I could protest, Ives pulled back the covers and held me close as he lay down on his side. I immediately relaxed in his arms. The lights dimmed, and he whispered into the darkness. “Do you need more pillows? Blankets?”

I cuddled as close as I could, except for one foot that I reached out so I could touch Niner too. Both her and Ives made me feel so damn comfortable and safe. I could barely keep my eyes open. I buried my face in his neck and attempted to say that I was happy with how it was, but it was completely unintelligible, but I was too tired to try to say it again. I fell asleep even faster than I ever had before.

*

I was strapped to a table with faceless scientists standing around me, jotting down notes and prepping syringes. I struggled and fought as best as I could against them, but I couldn’t escape. The straps were too tight. Everything hurt, I was dizzy, and I coughed up smoke as my throat burned, but they just kept injecting me with more burning liquids.

I blinked, and I was in an alley, having escaped. I was on the run, hiding from people and hungry and cold and terrified. Shadows found me and trapped me and told me that I could never escape, that I would always end up back in that lab being treated like an experiment, never a human being.

I screamed, and my eyes flew open. Where…where the fuck was I? I flailed and fought out of the sheets and fell to the floor. “You won’t take me back! I’ll never go back there!” I started coughing up smoke as I started crawling away, anything to get away from the bastard who wanted to trap me!

Someone touched me, and I flinched away, trying to smack them away. They would never take me! They said something, but I didn’t care. I just kept crawling, hoping to make it to the door. I was so damn tired.

The fire scorched my throat as I kept coughing up smoke. “You…you won’t take me. I won’t let you!” Something about this place was familiar, but I couldn’t place it. Probably somewhere from the experiments, from before I lost my memory.

Fuck, I couldn’t get away from him. He was now on his knees in front of me, and he took my wrists, and I tried to flail, to get him to let go, but he didn’t, and I had to listen to what he said. “Chess? Chess, look at me.” He leaned down to look at me, and those light blue eyes were familiar… “Chess, little one, look at me. You’re safe.” He…he…Ives let go and cradled my face, rubbing his thumbs beneath my eyes.

I blinked, and everything came back. Oh fuck. Did I hurt him? Did I hurt Niner? I looked around frantically, but Niner looked ok, just sad on the bed. I started shaking, and smoke was still leaking from my mouth. “Where…? Oh. I guess it was just a nightmare.” At least no one looked hurt. I tried to laugh it off. “Sorry for waking you. I’m…I’m fine.” I tried to stand up to prove it, but I almost lost my balance from how shaky I was.

He caught me, and I felt my cheeks burn. “You aren’t fine.” He sounded angry, and I flinched away from him. Oh. I had said something wrong. I had fucked it up. He was angry at me now.

But…he just sat me gently on the bed, hovering. “You were terrified. You…” He sat down beside me, placing a gentle hand on mine. He wasn’t going to hurt me? He…he wasn’t mad at me? “Is there anything I can do for you?”

I couldn’t look at him as my thoughts warred against each other between fear and relief, worry and safety. “I’ve had this nightmare for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know how to calm down after it. I never figure out how to fall back asleep.”

He gently held my hand, running his thumb over my knuckles. “Would you like to talk about it?” he whispered, sounding scared. Even more confusion clouded my thoughts. Why would he be scared for me? “Would it help to hold you? Or sit up and talk about anything else?” Niner walked over and gave a drawn out whine as she rested her head on my knee.

Niner and Ives, they both were the best. Tears started streaking down my cheeks as I petted Niner and leaned against Ives. And, surprisingly, it was helping. The panic was dying down a little. “If I talk about it, if I open up, you’ll look at me differently. You won’t care anymore.” Why would he care about an experiment who spent her time seducing strangers just for a chance to sleep next to someone?

He gently wrapped his arms around me, and I immediately relaxed more. Why did I feel so safe with him? He cradled my head to his shoulder, burying his fingers in my hair. “That isn’t true. I want to know you more. Whatever happened to you, to terrify you still, isn’t something that’s going to make me care less for you.”

I started crying harder. I couldn’t imagine this. He actually cared no matter what he learned about me? “I…I don’t even remember. But I just keep having a nightmare of being strapped down while scientists inject me with burning substances. And then I’m free, but people keep trapping me, telling me that I can never escape. I’m not human, just forever a fucking experiment.”

“They’re wrong,” he immediately said. “You aren’t an experiment. You’re Chess, and you are human, and you have escaped. You’re free now. You’re safe.” He cautiously pulled me closer, and I relaxed even more. I…I was free. I was safe. “They can’t hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure of that myself.”

I started sobbing at his words, and I petted Niner more. “Th-thank you. It’s just so hard to believe that I’m not still in danger. I’m sorry.” I sniffled. “I don’t want you to get hurt either, so I’ll protect you too.” I could never let him get hurt. I cared too much about him.

“Please, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is no easy adjustment you’ve made, without warning or preparation. None of us expect you to instantly be alright. You need time to heal, Chess.” He swept a hand up and down my back. “But, please, don’t worry about me. Your safety is far more important.”

Nope. “I will protect you.”

“Chess, I am a GW-IV5, a General Ware protective series. I am made to protect humans from harm. I was designed to go to war in place of human soldiers. I am not meant to be protected.” He sounded confused. “Your first priority should be your own preservation. To adjust from your old world and be happy."

I latched onto what he had said first. “You aren’t meant to be protected?” I sighed. There was no way I was going to listen to that. “All the more reason why I need to protect you. Also, it’ll make me happy to protect you.”

“It…” He trailed off. “I’ll be alright. I know you’re here for me. But I want you to focus on your new life.” He leaned back from me, and I did make a sound of protest. “I need you to promise me that you will put that first.”

I barely thought I could deserve this kind of care. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I can’t promise that.”

“Please?” He leaned over to try to meet my eyes. “This is the only thing I will ever ask of you.”

“I…I don’t even think of myself as worth as much as you, so I can’t. Not yet.”

Ives hummed. “Then I’ll have to remind you of your worth every day. So you don’t forget.”

Wow. I still didn’t understand, but I snuggled up to him, not shaking anymore. How could he be so nice? “And I’ll remind you that you’re worth protecting,” I mumbled. My eyes were actually growing heavy again.

He smiled as he lay back down as he held me. And his warmth and softness and safety really made my eyes heavy. But I fought to stay awake. So I could counter anything that he might say about how he didn’t deserve to be protected. Niner also lay down right next to me, and I welcomed her presence. I felt even safer. I barely heard his whisper. “I know you would take care of me. I know it in the way you treat Niner.”

I mumbled something that I didn’t even know what I was going to say as I tried to snuggle closer while simultaneously flop an arm over Niner. But I finally got some words out. “You’re both so amazing, and I’m lucky I got to meet you.”

I was already falling asleep again, but through the haze of sleepiness, I heard Ives’s words. “We’re the lucky ones.”

I couldn’t respond or argue as I fell asleep seconds later, completely safe and completely comfortable.

[pwblogarchive]

July 2006

July 1, 2006

“sex and the city (the part theyll never tell you)”

its strange here this time of year. because the weather never changes.it is always summer here. so it doesnt feel like the same desperate love of these three pages on the calendar. or at least not what i am used to.patrick and i wrote a song yesterday. not a hit single or maybe anything that would even turn your head.noone knows how it goes.sometimes the worst wishes are the ones that come true.yellow and white lines to the coast.you can learn to love anything if its around enough.some people learn to love their mistakes.shakes hands. "thank you, our time is up".what keeps you coming back?i got a long rap sheet.(the statute of limitations is running out on you pretty fast).the powders wet. the sparks arent coming.the hammer isnt hitting. its spinning.you can learn to love anything.posted by xo @ 11:22 PM

July 5, 2006

the last thing i think of before i fall asleep and the first thing i think of when i wake

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.

haveanicelife

Posted by xoat 6:06 AM

June 5, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves 

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

July 7, 2006

“his and hers”

sometimes i cant wait to be forgotten.i wish i could put up an away message in real life and just go to sleep forever.posted by xo @ 3:10 AM

July 7, 2006

“im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)”

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

July 8, 2006

“the fraternal order of the handsome boy”

ive been watching you from afar

my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car

candy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding.

"youre the stranger ive been dreaming of", stranger than any ive ever known.

love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me.

late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you

to make you think of me the very same way i think of you.

i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them.

fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living.

that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history.

over and over again.

how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else.

how im humble and arrogant at the same time,

chased and never caught.

that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.

that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.

youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.

the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up.

i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.

i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.

"im blowing smoke rings around the moon...."

i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.

Posted by xoat 2:36 AM

July 11, 2006

we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes).

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.

my personality and everything about me is just a carefully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.

i am (not) real.

sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.

its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.

all i can do is read and write and wait.

ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.

Posted by xoat 6:32 PM

July 14, 2006

a little life, alot of death (i want to be known for my hits not my mrs.)

i should probably not be typing in this mood. i wish there was a lock on the keyboard. it is too enthralling in a state like this. just like all of this has always been. the world around me has changed as if overnight. "for someone so smart you are acting pretty stupid". i cant focus on but like three thoughts in my head but i am compeltely wrapped in them. they keep me warm at night. i pray for something to crash into me and smash me back to something more simple. i pray for fistfights so i cant be knocked out and wake up in the e.r. i wish for disaster so i can be razed. im telling you if i could do any of it again, im pretty sure i wouldnt.

fuck your life under the microscope.

fuck your conclusions.

you have no idea.

it never got me anywhere but here.

over and over again.

every single time.

i wish for five months ago. and not in the way you would imagine either. "you are unfixable". my eyes are washed out but they dont feel clean. they are strong you know not the athletic type, but could definitely used to carrying heavy bags. im guessing in any real light i will delete this, apologies in advance. whatever caption is written next to the picture is the exact opposite of me. i am mapless. you are caught. lets go out and get forgotten.

bad news travels fast. and i am the worst of it.

i will always remember the day i met you.

"leave you feelings in your heart boy".

Posted by xoat 12:57 AM

July 22, 2006

“my phone cuts out in the same place every single day ("the gospel of gossip").”

it feels like there is so much to say.but it can only be said in songs.please dont go so quickly."The city with fires of night seemed an archipelagoWomen asked the love and for the dulieBut in my eyes of male horror I rememberThe busy ones of the evening were never prettyThen the day returned but sometimes without sunTo draw up the houses coast at coast at the edge of streetsWhere our lives with the other smilar lives are mislaidLives trailing their shade while passing in the streetIntercalated in the year they was widowed daysBloody and slow Fridays of burialsWhite and whole blacks come from the skies which cryWhen the woman of the devil beat her lover"guillame appolinairesend me a flashlight. i cant seem to find my faith.iwishicould.posted by xo @ 2:17 PM

July 23, 2006

“we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes)”

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.my personality and everything about me is just a cerfully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.i am (not) real.the puppy is purple after spilling a grape soda on himself. he then ate the tropic of cancer by miller. paperback, so i guess it went down easier.sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.all i can do is read and write and wait.ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.posted by xo @ 8:32 PM

July 26, 2006

you spend every waking moment and many sleeping ones thinking of one heart, one person. you let it slip, they let it slip. who knows where it all begins or ends. but as it falls to pieces you keep grabbing them and collecting them less like for a museum of things that used to matter and more like you are going to keep putting it back together. except there are akways a few pieces missing each time. deep breaths. slow your heart beat. the road winds. there was a time before you always felt like this. try to remember pete. you are being pulled in every direction. everything is bigger under the microscope. you want it to be simple. you make it complicated. "hey, pete- i am middle ground. how come we've never met before". sometimes i wish i could re-engineer the path from my heart to the tip of my tongue and let my head have a shot at it. i dont got bigdreams, i just want to be okay. it comes down to my word versus your word versus the worlds word and i dont think i want to anymore. im worn out. my head is full, my eyes are empty. the dog loves the salt in the corners of my eyes and on my cheeks- i am nervous about cutting it from his diet. and i could and should be, and jealous of it, from the children on the street walking hand in hand with their mothers to the homeless man content with his world of a bench. and noone knows the way i spend my nights counting the individuals grains in the tiles in the bathroom, the coolness of the floor the only comfort- or if anyone does they dont want to ehar it, i cant blame you... i dont even want to hear it anymore. in the mornings the world is blurry. it comes in and out of focus. this is when im the worst. when i awake from a dream to realize that none of it was real possibly ever.one of the things stranger than realizing you are alone in this world is realizing that you are not.pupils the size of baby worlds.every bad decision is put on file for later viewing. mapquest your way back to me, take a turn for the worse and then continue for .5 miles.i want to file a restraining order against myself.and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.he sleeps sound. he has no care for what buzzes and changes in the world around him.because of this i envy him.run away from a city because of one single heartbeat. it doesnt make sense.its not that i dont trust you, actually it is. and i dont trust myself when i think of you. i sell myself out.i wish you were awake right now. i just want to let myself be happy.posted by xo @ 3:53 AM

July 28, 2006

as i run away from everything i have ever known. just whisper in my ear."and the tears come streaming down your facewhen you lose something you can't replacewhen you love some one but it goes to wastecould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youHigh up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you home"so obvious. so much more brilliant than i could ever imagine to be.be bright and shine. its dark. im sorry ive come so off course.tell the pilot to clear us to land in your backyard.posted by xo @ 11:02 PM

July 30, 2006

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst-you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.happybirthday.posted by xo @ 3:05 PM

[indigo474]

monday 5/27/24

another day, another work out and more food prep. My ass will feel about 2 inches lifted tomorrow. I worked out hard. I finally feel OK- I'm hesitant to say 100% because I tried to run today and my lungs weren't happy. I managed though- so maybe 93%.. maybe 94. Almost better. I can feel myself getting stronger at the gym and I was able to increase almost all my weight. It is a slow process- hard, and less hard and back to hard. Tomorrow squats. No squats on Monday- I have to be mentally prepared- I did hip thrusts today which are fairly new for me. I almost made it 6 months without watching porn. I've been masturbating a few times a day for the past few days and I didn't feel like working for it so I put on some porn. I miss sex and wish I had someone to have sex with.

My life is boring- so boring- i'm in this routine, which is good but boring- I do want to run more. I haven't been running enough but I have noticed that my body feels absolutely fucking great- no pain whatsoever.. my life is so boring that I want to run more to make it what?? less boring? I'm going out with MArci on Friday, probably to the Buck- i'd rather run after work but being social is important too. I mean, i am sure she has a lot to tell me. I dont understand why she wont have a drink alone- i think she actually did 1 time but has since said she doesnt drink alone- its annoying and i dont get it. I was all ready to trip today but the weather - yuck. it would have sucked being wet and stuck in my car feeling uncomfortable. next weekend. i have my bag packed and i am ready to go. i threw some pictures up on a dating sight- i'm just not sure how much time i want to invest in it- none really. i cleaned my house and even did my windows. windows never bothered me- its kind of nice to just be here- to just enjoy my home. it's peaceful and i am happy here- i spoke to my mom. we were supposed to talk yesterday which i forgot- totally forgot we were supposed to talk- i remembered today that we were going to talk to each other yesterday. She's almost 70 and still smoking and eating tons of sugar. how? why? she was mad at me for not calling- i honestly forgot. she said something about teasing me as a kid- if i remembered. yes, i fucking remember- you use to make me cry. she claims she stopped teasing me when i started to cry.. that's not how i remember it but i say nothing because i see no point in arguing with her- between my childhood trauma, as an adolescent and my adulthood trauma it's kind of amazing that i am able to function at all. ive been through some pretty messed up stuff. i guess to some extent we all have - and that is why i will be healing forever-which isnt a bad thing- healing and growing and evolving and learning-there is no finish line.

[jimhopperlova]

- Late Night Drive (18+)

18+ MDNI!

Pairing(s): angry!hopper, trouble maker!fem reader

Summary: based on s1 hop, reader decides to mess with jim like she’s done before: speeding to get an excuse to talk to the town’s chief of police. jim hopper has finally had enough.

Warnings: explicit language, large age gap (hop is 41, reader is 19), handcuff play, public sex, unprotected p in v, oral (m receiving)

hope you enjoy! ive had this plot in my mind for a while now!

“you’re gonna do it again? surprised you haven’t been arrested yet,” your best friend spoke at the diner the two of you always meet at. she giggled at the fact she thought you were so rebellious. staying out way past your curfew, using your fake ID for a couple drinks at the local bar (surprised no one has recognized you yet), sneaking out your dad’s house to hang out with your friends.. let’s just say, you really are surprised you haven’t been caught yet. “i mean.. why do you do it?”

“it’s fun! duh,” you replied before taking a sip of the coke. you smirked at your friend, grabbing your wallet so you can pay for you and your friend’s food. thankfully the job you had at the newspaper paid pretty well. you could afford you and your friend’s meal. “besides, the chief is.. let’s just say not bad to look at.”

“ew!” your best friend grimaced, watching as you pulled out some money. “have you heard the rumors? he’s a whore! you want sloppy seconds?” your best friend asked, and all you could do was cough on the coke you had just drank. your best friend was your best friend for a reason. she was funny when she wanted to be.

“sloppy seconds? where did you hear that?” you laughed before slapping the money and then some for a tip onto the table. you pulled the jacket on before standing, your best friend following. “i’m just saying. it’s fun seeing that man mad. i’ve been doing this for.. let’s see.. this’ll be the third time, and he hasn’t gave me a ticket. maybe i just have a pretty face.” you shrugged and smirked, your best friend following you out of the diner. the cold air hit you, and you knew that it was a good night for doing such. november was always a fun month, and with the leaves rolling down the trees, it was.. gorgeous. your favorite month by far.

“your death wish.” your best friend spoke before bidding you goodbye. you waved back and headed into your car. spiking up the ignition, you heard it purr with excitement. you smirked and patted the steering wheel, turning the music up loud.

“let’s get ‘em, girl.” you mumbled before pulling out of the diner, finding where the chief could be. ‘Detroit Rock City’ by KISS played through the speakers, your smirk emitting even bigger. this was a perfect song to get the deed done. before you knew it, after lapping the police station twice, there was the chief in tow. practically on your ass. you looked in the rearview mirror, and noticed the cold and angry stare from anywhere. ‘now let’s piss him off’ you told yourself.

you pushed down the pedal, watching as the spedometer rose. 40.. 50.. 60.. 70.. you kept your hands gripping the steering wheel, the chief’s lights now just turning on. you giggled at this.. he probably knew it was you. again. he continued to follow you through the town of hawkins, pedestrations all halting to you. they knew that car anywhere, and knew you weren’t going to stop.

adrenaline coursed through your veins, your heart raced with every passing second. you laughed loudly, continuing to watch the rearview. he was speaking something in his radio, your actions not stopping. you just wanted to give him a little show before giving up. when you were on the outskirts of town, surrounded by trees, you then decided to start slowing down. you watched as the spedometer went from 70 to 35 in a matter of seconds. you slowly pulled over on the side, finally parking the car. you fiddled your fingers on the steering wheel, awaiting your fate. if you weren’t nice, you would definitely lose him by going offroad. you knew your car could, but you wanted to see how red in the face the chief could get. for some reason, that just set something in you. it was fun and thrilling.. you didn’t know why a lot of things were fun, but you did them anyway.

you watched as the chief let out a long and drastic sigh from your mirror, slamming his car. you giggled softly at this, watching as he approached you. you ‘innocently’ rolled down the window so he could look at you better. when he approached, he leaned against the cold metal frame, looking down at you with probably the most angry he’s been.

“officer, honest, i didn’t know how fast i was goin’,” you said in the most southern accent and the most innocent voice you could. of course, he wasn’t buying it. you peered up at him with doe eyes, hoping you would get out of a ticket again. “please find it in your heart to forgive me. promise i’ll be a good lil girl.” you smirked up at the man, who only shook his head and peered down at you again.

“third. fuckin’. time,” the chief spoke, looking down at you with a hard line. so he was playing hard to get, huh? “what makes you think i’ll let you walk again?” the chief asked you, and you meerily smiled. a soft smirk building up.

“because you’re a good man. i’m only 19, i’ll learn my lesson.” you told the chief. you could tell he wasn’t letting you go this time. you nervously fiddled with your fingers in your lap again, hoping the punishment wouldn’t be too severe.

“your father’s a god damn cop. how does he keep letting you drive this thing?” the chief questioned you, and you could only giggle. you were a daddy’s girl, and no matter how many times you fucked up, he would still let you drive. besides, you help put groceries on the table. why would he stop you from going to work? “this ain’t gonna work for me again. shut off your vehicle,” the chief instructed you. you looked up at him with wide eyes. jail? he was going to put you in jail? you swallowed past the nerves in your throat and slowly turned the engine off. “cat’s got your tongue, i see. step out.” he instructed again, and you hesitantly obliged. when you stepped out, you were met with your body slamming against the cold metal frame of your car. your grunted softly in pain, the chief’s hands roaming you. he sure took his time, too.

“oh, come on, officer. to molest me, you gotta be a little more careful than that,” you piped back with a smirk, your head turning so you could watch him from your peripheral. the chief seemed to be enjoying this for some reason. oddly enough, you didn’t know any better, but the chief has been riled up all day. he had a long day already, and here he was at 10 in the night, dealing with the same girl that had been driving him insane. he should just shut you up with his cock. those thoughts infiltrated his mind, but did his damnest to shut up and do what he needed to. but the way you were powerless against this car, he couldn’t help himself. his hands continued to roam your body, pausing a few seconds to grasp at your breasts. with your jacket on, he really couldn’t fantasize that much. “gettin’ a little handsy, there. how’s it looking if i complain to your higher up?” you smirked again before the chief grabbed your face with one of his free ones.

“shut. the. fuck up. and i don’t have a higher up. it’s just me.. sweetheart,” the chief said lowly ss he continued to practically molest you. “you ain’t carrying anything, are ya?” he asked you again, and you could only giggle.

“if you count pepper spray to get rid of creeps like you, then yes. yes, i do. chief,” you said against the car, and finally that’s when the chief snapped. he flipped you around so now he was facing you. his hat hung low on his face, but you could still see the way he looked at you. he was angry, as if he was sick of you. if he was so sick of you, why not just let you go again? “oh, chief. did i pop a nerve or somethin’?” you smirked and that’s when he truly snapped. the chief had been battling his own thoughts. late at night when he was alone, he thought of you causing trouble. he got off to the thought of fucking you from behind against his own police car. and now.. he could probably make that happen.

“get on your fuckin’ knees.. now,” the chief ordered. you looked at him with a smirk and a brow raised. was he really..? “i said get on your fucking knees,” the chief demanded and this time, forced you down so you were on your knees. you looked up at him, lost in thought. okay, you knew you were going to get into some serious shit, but.. this? you didn’t expect this. “don’t worry princess, i ain’t gonna hurt ya. even thought you fuckin’ deserve it.” he then leaned over you, his tented crotch staring at your face. you then felt the metal cuffs against your wrists, him locking them to make sure you really weren’t getting away this time. he looked around to make sure no one was around and unbuckled his belt, you watching with desire. you didn’t think this would actually happen, but here you were. about to suck the chief’s cock.

“if i didn’t know any better, you’re askin’ me to suck your cock.” you giggled out, looking up at him. he looked down at your with those lust filled blue eyes, still too angry to function. he then grabbed your face, pinching your cheeks together.

“damn right i am. and i’m not fucking asking you. you’re going to,” the chief demanded as he continued to pull down his boxers and pants, his cock springing free. he really was hard for you? i mean, he was a man, so they get hard at fucking anything. you didn’t know that he really was hard for you, and it wasn’t just you causing trouble. it was that damn mouth and the way you sauntered around town like you owned it. chief jim hopper owned it, not you. you didn’t even have a moment to take in his thick veiny cock, he just slammed it inside your pathetic mouth. you didn’t really prepare yourself, so you were already gagging on it. “come on, baby. you were so fuckin’ mouthy.. what happened?” he smirked as he watched you gag on his cock, him staying still in your mouth. he grabbed at your hair, slightly pulling on it as he watched you pathetically whine against it.

the chief finally let his cock out of your mouth so you could prepare for it. he wanted to feel you suck it, not just him fuck your face. he wanted to feel the way your mouth accepted his cock, and the way you would truly suck it. he looked down at you, still pulling on your hair.

“i’m sure you know how to work your way around a cock. don’t fuckin’ play with me,” the chief spoke as you looked up at him, helpless. you leaned in, letting your mouth take him in now. you swirled your tongue against the head, pinching in your cheeks so you could actually feel him. he was so veiny. “that’s it.. fuck, that’s it.” the chief groaned softly at the way you took him in. he watched as he slowly thrusted into your mouth, your moans softly englufing around his thick member. your eyebrows knitted together in focusing on sucking his cock, but also you loved the way you were making him sound. before you know it, he was now thrusting at a fast pace, hitting the back of your throat. you gagged on it slightly, before the chief stayed still. he kept it inside your throat before you couldn’t breathe anymore. he thrusted out of you and watched as his cock had your saliva rolling off of his head, and your lips. he chuckled darkly before smirking softly.

“this is what happens when you cause trouble,” the chief spoke before he slapped your face lightly, leaning down at you. you flinched lightly before he pulled you up, and had you bent over against your car. it wasn’t his patrol car, but this will do. he had your head pinned against the back of your car, the cold metal against your face. the chief had then pulled down your pants just past your thighs, as well as your panties. you felt the cold air hit your soaked cunt, a small gasp escaping your throat. “look at that. someone been gettin’ off to thoughts of the chief, huh?” the chief snickered before smacking your ass. you let out a soft yelp, and realized you were in for it now.

“c-chief.. stop.. playing around. please.. i-i need you..” your shaky breaths were heard. you didn’t realize how pathetic you could really be. it just kinda rolled off your tongue, and now the chief had something against you. he snickered again, able to accept why exactly you’ve been causing trouble.

“is this why you get inta trouble? to see what the chief will do to you? huh?” the chief asked you. you swallowed past the thickness in your throat as you felt his fingertips dance around your entrance. he then slapped your soaking cunt, it hurting but feeling good. you needed more of that friction. “fuckin’ answer me.” the chief demanded and you immediately nodded.

“y-yes. fuck- yes,” you replied, and to that the chief could only chuckle. he started to rub at your folds before he found your clit. he started to roll his finger against it, creating that fiction you ever so reached for. “j-jim.. oh, yes..” you moaned out before he slapped your pussy again. you let out another yelp, and before you knew it, he was leaning against your ear.

“we aren’t friends. you don’t get to call me jim,” the chief spoke lowly before pulling back again. he danced around your entrance and added two fingers, watching as your pussy stretched around his fingers. if you had sex, it had been a while since you had any action. the way your pussy quelched around his fingers had his cock throbbing. he really felt like a teenager all over again. “shit. you fuck before?” he groaned into the cold air, you moaning softly. you gripped the trunk of your car, his fingers devouring your pussy.

“yes, i- i have. don’t worry, chief. you aren’t- popping my cherry.” you moaned out, the chief’s smirking widening. so he really could destroy your pussy if he wanted to. he watched you take his fingers and after a couple minutes, he slowly pulled them out of you, watching your juices collect on his fingers. he lapped them up with his mouth, the taste of you sweet. if he wasn’t on duty, he truly would take his time with you. but that wasn’t happening tonight.

the chief slid off his hat and placed it on top of your head, watching as it fit your head perfectly. well, maybe it was a little big, but it fit his fantasy alright.

“you’re gonna take this cock and be quiet. bite the hat if you need to,” the chief instructed and before you could react, his cock was slowly filling you up. the way your pussy tightened around his cock was something that had him really wanting to fuck you. he wasn’t going to last long, and that was good but bad. your pussy had captivated him now, his thrusts slowly going in and out of your wet cunt. “shit.. look at you. taking my cock like the trouble maker you fuckin’ are.” he groaned out, watching the way his cock slid in and out of you.

“oh, f-fuck, chief. fuck.. yes!” you blurted out, and his one hand immediately went back to your head and pinned you down. you let out a gasp and shut your eyes tight.

“i said be fucking quiet,” the chief groaned, before he finally slammed into you. you flinched from the sudden reaction. you grabbed the hat that was on top of your head and bit down onto the velvet fabric. you needed to keep yourself quiet or else this possibly couldn’t happen again. the chief continued to slowly thrust into you, taking his time. despite what he had thought of earlier, he couldn’t help but be addicted to your pussy. it was basically egging him on to cum deep inside you. and before you knew it, he was slamming deep inside you at a rapid pace. you moaned into the hat, it smelling like him. the way you were completely powerless now, and the way he was stroking your cunt.. you were getting close. moans could be heard between the both of you, as well as skin slapping skin was echoing throughout the trees. “shit, baby. i feel you gettin’ tighter. you gonna cum for me? you gonna cum for your chief?” he groaned out, and you could only nod.

“yes, y-yes.. i’m getting so close, chief.” you mumbled out. the familiar knot in your stomach was coming so close to be relieved, and the chief could tell. he chuckled deeply before his lips found your ear, breathing heavy.

“fuckin.. fuck, cum for me. cum for your chief.” the chief had managed to cough out, and with those words of endearment, you felt yourself spasm. your whole body tensed as your hand gripped the back of the car, the relief of pressure bidding off your pussy. you moaned at the feeling, and before you knew it, the chief was pounding into you. deep, hard, fast.. fuck, your pussy was over stimulated now, your body shaking with desire, but you could feel him getting closer to his own release.

“that’s it.. fuckin’ shake for me, baby. i’m gonna cum inside this pussy and make it mine. fucking.. all mine,” he groaned in your ear, and before you knew it, you felt his seed shot up into you. you moaned softly at his reaction, his seed coating your walls. “fuck.. that’s it, baby. take it all.” he managed to whisper out in your ear.

the two of you managed to stay put in this situation for a moment, and finally the chief pulled of you. you felt embrassed, disgusted, but mainly.. you felt at ease. relaxed. the way he acted, you had a feeling chief had wanted this too.

after a moment of silence, you felt a pair of hands on your wrists. you felt the cuffs fall of you, and the chief was smirking softly. he grabbed the hat from your mouth and placed it on his head, as if nothing had happened. he managed to pull up his pants and boxers, before buckling his belt back up. you pulled your own pants up, the two of you staying silent. thinking that he wasn’t going to say anything to you, the chief then turned to you with the same smirk.

“stay outta trouble, ya hear?” the chief then walked away and got into his blazer. you watched him leave you, humiliated. you looked down and thought to yourself. ‘stay outta trouble? well if that was going to happen, why the hell would i stay outta trouble?’

[thelastevilregal]

oh my god you want hear about problems? i have SO many problems and my Work Therapist just moved to miami so i have a backlog

so .. back in october i accidentally. slept with my housemate uhh not realizing she had had feelings for me for like a year and a half and we ended up dating for like 2 months. i realized i wanted to break it off around thanksgiving but didnt work up the nerve until the new year partly bc i got hit by a car early december and had to get her to pick me up from the er and then she did a lot to take care of me after and. AHH.

im ok now also but. i broke up w her right after we both got back from visiting our families for xmas and i was like i HAVE to do it tonight bc we had scheduled a 'roommate mtg' w all 4 of us to confront our other bitch roommate over how shitty she was acting and i was like. if i dont do this now then our relationship is going to come up in this talk. and i cant sit and defend us while actively wanting to break up ykkkkk?? ughh i felt so bad for it but the straw that had broke the camels back with bitch roommate was that when i told her that me and ex were dating, the cunt had the nerve to pull a face and say "yikes" before slamming the bathroom door in my face. then 15 seconds later yank it open again and snark "you couldnt have said something before we moved to a new place?" i was like "bitch its been a week wtf are you talking about" and she slammed the door again. as though id been dating my ex in 'secret' for like 6 months since our last apt???? IM not the one whos weird and cagey about my sex life. bitch roommate is the one who lied to me about being a virgin for some reason and then actively hid her sex life from me for the next 4 years in order to maintain that lie, as though i give a single solitary shit who or if she fucks????

but so bitch roommate and i did not speak again until the roommate meeting. at the end of which i was like 'k ig lemme clear the air about dnd' (i had my dm kick her out of my dnd group—they are MY friends to begin with and we were starting a new campaign with a much paired down party specifically bc we didnt want roommate bs at the table. the morning after he did she TEXTED me at 6:22am like 'i know youre afraid of conflict but this is fucking weird if you have a problem say it to me' as though cheap jabs will get me to talk to you. obviously i ignored her). cunt had the nerve to go 'yeah what was that about?' as though she really had no idea what she couldve done. im like bitch wtfym what was that about?? have you not noticed we havent spoken in 2 months?? she gave a half hearted 'i guess im sorry' when i told her she had been so far out of pocket it was ridiculous.

but again. id also broken up w my ex the night before all of that. so she had been planning to micromanage the shit out of this conversation and then ended up being an emotional wreck. i felt so bad but i was like i HAD to yknow???? she said we could go back to being friends......

so that was 2 months ago now. i 'gave her space' for the first few weeks (p much avoiding being at the house like i had when i was actively avoiding bitch roommate) and its been several weeks since ive like. checked in with her emotionally. shes finally started acting more normal around me again, mostly at my queue. she watched alien with me last weekend. opposite end of the couch, where she used to lean her head on my shoulder before we dated. although actually maybe that was a romantic feelings thing?? fuck. i dont know how to know if im being like, callous by just acting like things are the same as before, or if i should be doing something different, and its hard bc we have opposite work schedules so i dont see her most days anyway and idk how to talk to her about it. we havent gone into each others bedrooms beyond talking in the doorways since breaking up, but like it feels like a conversation we need to have in private, no?? ughhhhhhh i hate this. idk how to prompt this, nor what i actually need to ask her to begin with..... just like, are we actually okay, yknow?

my old work therapist thought my problems were hilarious. like an american telanovela. i was like well at least someone is enjoying this situation :/

You know I don't think I can even give you any terrible advice for this situation. Sounds like you got that part handled. Just keep doing what you're doing 💯

[khodorkovskaya]

04.01.23

i spent the whole day alone today, corrected a couple of things on the website and wrote 4 important emails with my stepdad over microsoft teams. and in the meantime i listed to eileen by ottessa moshfegh and read acts of desperation in one sitting. and god did it hit hard. here's another passage that really resonated with me:

"I wished I could unburden myself but I couldn’t verbalise what was happening because doing so would bring it into existence. So far, it was all taking place in my head with no verification from an outside party, and so long as I kept it that way I could suppress it. That urge you have with an envelope of results, delaying the future in which you are unwillingly privy to terrible news.

I knew also that if I began to describe more or less anything about Ciaran and what our relationship was like I would upset my dad. The split in me was so wide that these two states could coexist:

1. I knew that my relationship was strange and uneven and not reciprocal and that speaking about its reality would confuse and upset people who loved me.

2. I didn’t feel it to be those things."

i related so much to the narrator and how she felt in her relationship. i don't know if i could've ever cheated on B if things carried on for longer and i don't have a strong desire for pain like the narrator did, but i could still relate a lot. the passage where she sleeps with reuben and "could feel the silliness of sex for the first time in forever" made me cry so much.

the narrator's diary, the fact that she's always crying, her feeling pain but not knowing the reason and being confused in her feelings, her on and off thoughts about wanting to be thin... it all hit so close to home.

the book portrayed modern womanhood in such an accurate way. like we really are raised with this idea that we have to be dedicated to men but with no moral explanation behind it. it's never explained why we have to dedicate ourselves. there's no religious explanation anymore, nothing rational about it. so we grow up with this idea that we're only gonna be complete when we're in love, not understanding and not even questioning why. and then we find ourselves cooking intricate dinners for men with no tastebuds and having to justify why we don't want to have sex because "no" isn't a sufficient answer. we have it ingrained into our minds that things have to be that way. and at an age where you have to figure yourself out first, questions like this are even harder to deal with bc you don't even have the tools yet to deal with them. anyway, i feel like what im saying doesn't really make sense. but yeah i liked the book a lot.

yesterday i rescheduled my driving exam. the first date available was the 19th of april so i took it. i have my student license until the 21st of april so im just gonna have one chance lol. and if i fail oh well, i'll have to redo theory again.

i cried for 15 minutes straight after i rescheduled the test. i felt so stupid. and my stepdad was like "you have all these opportunities, you're so spoiled. i didn't have anyone to teach me but i was so determined to learn how to drive that i taught myself. and you have everything laid out in front of you on a platter and instead of being grateful you just cry." and that made me feel even worse. bc it's true that i don't have it as hard as many people do. and another person would've loved to be in my shoes. but i can't for the love of god understand how to drive. like i think im just stupid. there is no other explanation. ive had i don't know how many hours of driving and yet i still struggle like a complete beginner and it just gets worse and worse.

but anyway, as i was in the middle of crying, the car parked in front of us started moving and the guy was struggling so hard like he couldn't exit the parking spot. and i was like huh maybe im not too bad of a driver compared to some. and then the person in another car next to us was having an even harder time. they went back and forth, nearly bumped into the car next to them many times, kept turning the wheel left and right frantically. so i was like you know what, not all hope is lost! i can even parallel park without too much difficulty on a good day so there is still hope for me! and if those two people we just saw didn't feel bad for their imperfect driving skills, neither should i!

[heir-of-the-founders]

Vent in tags uwu

[dckweed]

ugh you guys ok so ive been in such a pissy mood lately and im still on season two of stranger things and ok so remember when i said i was gonna do a billy hate fuck smut???? well this is it. you're welcome :)

also please feel free to request, i also added billy to the list of Stranger Things characters that can be requested!!

billy still ain't it bc i think he's a total dick but the part where he cried after that interaction with his dad had me feeling bad for him just a teeny bit. and also dacre is just godly for me. but i in no way simp for billy.

warnings: rough sex for sure, maybe some hair pulling, scratching, possible biting, idk if ill make it a nice ending or if ill make it like they definitely hate each other fr but this is your warning for either of those, maybe some bruising bc i feel like this is gonna be really really rough idk if im missing anything else but p much this is probably going to be pure word porn so if you're a MINOR DO NOT READ THIS!

anywhore, i give you:

'FUCK THE HATE AWAY' billy hargrove x female!reader

Look, you hadn't meant to end up in this position, in the middle of your families kitchen, at your breakfast table no less, riding the hell out of Billy fucking Hargrove of all people, but god, you honestly didn't have control of yourself at this point.

How did you even get here? No seriously, how the fuck did you get here? You thought really hard, completely ignoring the pain burning in your thighs from the way you were moving, it really was quite the workout. You thought back to earlier in the day, how Billy who was oddly enough in your home-ec class had ended up being your pairing for a project. You honestly couldnt help the eye roll when his name had been called with your own, he hung out with your brother quite a bit and you knew how he acted. You thought he was an asshole, a bully.

He didn't seem to have a problem with the pairing though, hell, he probably thought that you would do the whole thing for the both of them, which you honestly didn't mind because at least then it would be done right, but you were shocked when he told you to meet him at his car after you finished getting things from your locker. Your brother was at football that day, and you honestly didn't want to wait around for him, so you begrudgingly took the opportunity of the ride home.

"So, what exactly are your expectations?" You ask, getting into the passenger seat, the black leather warm on your thighs. It had been an oddly warm day for the fall, and the sun has been shining down on it all day. You look at him as he gets into the driver's seat.

"What do you mean?" He asks, already an annoyed tone to his voice, you could practically feel the eye roll come on. He threw the car into drive and reversed out of his spot before you even had your seat belt on.

"I mean, are you expecting me to do the work?" You ask, turning to face the front, you were surprised how well he knew the way to your house, he'd only been there a handful of times and it was easy to get lost in the neighborhood. "Because if so, I was already planning on it, you didn't have to drive me home just to tell me."

Billy scoffs. "I was already planning on driving you home, I owed your brother a favor." He says, his hands fidgeting for a cigarette. You were already on his damn nerves. God, you irritated him, you and your perfect fucking voice, and your perfect smile and your perfect attitude. He didn't understand how you could be so nice all the time. "And, for the record, I am capable of doing a project like this. How hard could it be?"

You sighed, knowing damn well you were in for a long, long afternoon. You really hoped he was more the stand back and observe type, although to your disappointment, he was completely hands on.

It didn't take long to get home, and you went upstairs to throw your bag in your room and take off your jacket, staying in your skirt and blouse. By the time you had gotten back down to the kitchen he had already shrugged off his leather coat and threw it onto your kitchen table, he was in the middle of rolling his sleeves up when he turned to look at you, long hair trailing down his back.

"So, where's the flour?"

For nearly two hours the two of you worked, nicely enough at first, although it slowly became tense as the pair of you were at your wits end with each other. Your need to be in control, and his carefree attitude weren't mixing well and you were quite frankly ready to beat him over the head with your mom's rolling pin.

You had just pulled your third attempt at your project out of the oven, the edges burnt completely black. It had stayed in for ten minutes too long, Billy having forgotten to turn on the timer. "Dammit, that was the last of the flour and cherries!" You say, completely exasperated and almost in tears. You really wish he had just let you do it.

Billy just looks at it shrugging. "Honestly I don't even know why you're panicking so hard about it, it's not like we don't have the whole weekend to get it done." He says nonchalantly, as if he didn't comprehend that you weren't the type of person who didn't wait the whole weekend to get things done perfectly the first time around.

"The whole weekend? Are you insane? Im not spending the whole weekend working on a pie with you," You say, stomping your foot as you whine.

Billy looked at you, taking in your bratty attitude. He wasn't ashamed to admit, it kind of turned him on a little bit, all though, that also could have just been due to the fantasies he'd been having about how to shut you the fuck up the whole time you'd been working together. God you liked to talk alot.

He just shrugs and you groan.

"I fucking hate you and your stupid procrastinating personality, Hargrove." You grunt out, hands crossed over your chest. He leaned against the counter, red shirt unbuttoned half way, his sleeves rolled up. You weren't one to deny that he was damn good looking, but you still couldn't stand him.

Billy smirks, straightening up. "Likewise, sweetheart." He winks, looking at you as he takes a step closer. He was honestly going to grab his jacket to head out, he figured he'd let you cool off and see you tomorrow. You stepped closer to him, almost as if you were challenging him.

"And just where do you think you're going?" You ask, looking up at him, uncrossing your arms and putting your hands on your hips. "I didn't say we were done yet."

Billy had to admit, the bossy attitude was fucking hot right then, and he was definitely horny after what he'd been thinking about. "Bossy is a hot look on you, sweetheart." He says, stepping just a little bit closer to you. You roll your eyes, not expecting him to grab your chin in his hand, his fingers squeezing your cheek. "That was rather rude, Y/N, don't be a fucking brat."

You couldn't help the immediate turn on, god it had come out of nowhere and you generally wouldnt have let this happen, but fuck you were frustrated enough as it was, you didn't need to be left horny too. "And what are you gonna do about it, hm?" You ask, eyebrow raised at him.

Billy takes that as his invitation and thank fucking god because he wasn't planning on ending the weekend without fucking you at least once, he may have found you annoying as hell but you were definitely the hottest girl in school, and you had never paid him the time of day before now. Without another moments he closed what little bit of space was between the two of you and planted a rough, sloppy kiss on your mouth.

You groan at the sensation, moving your mouth with his almost too eagerly. He takes his hand off of your face, letting it travel down to the top of your blouse with his other one, taking a good grip at the collar and yanking on it. All of the buttons pop off and scatter to the ground, you make a noise of surprise and pull away but he reaches his hand behind you, smacking your ass roughly.

"Shut up." He grunts, letting your hands unbutton his shirt the rest of the way before starting to push you backwards towards the table, undoing his belt the entire way. He could already see how flustered you were and god damn it looked sexy on you.

Your back hits the table, and you shrug your blouse off of your shoulders, your bra straps too, letting it slide down to your torso, leaving you exposed to him.

You hear him suck in a breath his eyes on your chest, you half expect him to start playing with your breasts, it's what most guys you had been with had done, and you made a shocked noise when he used both of his hands to push you to your knees, his cock right in front of you, hard and ready, waiting to use you.

"Suck." He grunts out, taking a fist full of your hair. You do as told, taking him into your mouth eagerly. He throws his head back, a low sigh coming from his parted lips. "Fuck.." You Bob your head, taking him in farther every time, coating him with your saliva. You use your hands, wrapping both around him as you twist and suck, within a few moments he's thrusting his hips gently into your mouth, his hand gripping your hair tightly, fucking your face until you're a drooling, slobbering fucking mess all over him. "Sweetheart, you look so fucking perfect getting your mouth fucked like that, and i could come all the way down your fucking throat but, id rather fuck you first, because where the fuck is the fun if we can't both fuck the hate away?"

He pulls out of your mouth, and you groan. His hand drops your hair and goes to your throat, wrapping around it as he pulls you back to your feet. "On the fucking table," He says, pushing your skirt up your hips and pulling your panties down your legs as you settle onto the table edge, your legs spread nice and wide for him, your arousal shining in the light. "Such a little fucking whore aren't you, who knew that little miss perfect liked to be used like a toy?" He asks, he let his fingers roam up your pussy, hearing your small moan at the contact, fuck it was hotter than he had expected it to be. "Can your pussy take my cock as well as your mouth can? Hm? Can I fuck you good and hard?"

You give a breathless noise, looking up at him, legs already hooked around his fucking waist, eyes trailing down the exposed skin of his muscled torso. He really was as hot as you'd heard. "Fuck me already, Billy." You whine out, not in the mood for games, afraid you'd get caught by your brother or parents, but too turned on to stop him.

You didnt have to wait long, within moments he's pushed himself inside of you, his cock filling every fucking inch of you perfectly, your pussy swallowing him up perfectly. "Fuck.." You heard him groan again, his hips thrusting lightly at first before giving a long, sharp snap of a movement that has you throwing your head back, a string of curses escaping your mouth.

He keeps a steady pace, your table creaking and croaking underneath the weight of the two of you, him leaning over you, planing rough, wet kisses over your mouth to keep from screaming too loudly, he was afraid your neighbors would hear, or your brother if he decided to come home early. You pawed at his skin, your nails digging in and scratching down his chest as he lifted your hips in a way that made you arch back up into him, unable to help your bodies responses to him.

"Fucking hell, sweetheart." He groans out, picking you up completely and moving backwards to the chair behind him. Still bouncing you on his cock as he did. He say, giving your ass a nice two handed squeeze before slapping once, twice, leaving red marks he was sure. "Ride it, baby."

That was how ended up here, riding his cock like it was the last thing you'd ever do. Fuck you hated yourself for it, but god your pussy had never felt better. He leaned his head down, taking one of your tits in his mouth, his tongue rolling around your nipple, sucking on it the supple flesh. He couldn't receiving himself, he had to give it a nice hard bite. he smirked, feeling you shudder against his body, a squeaking noise coming from his mouth as you scratch your nails down his chest again, causing him to moan, slapping your ass roughly once more.

He could tell you were close to coming, he could tell by the look on your face and the way your body was moving against his own. He wasn't too far off either. He reached a hand up to your hair, tangling your hand in the locks as he angled your head against his own, watching your eyes. "Such a good fucking whore riding my cock like a fucking pro," He says, he figured you deserved some praise. "good fucking girl, gonna cum all over it, hm? cum all over my fucking cock like a good little slut..there you go, good girl." He grunts, your hips stuttering and a silent moan escaping your mouth. He wasn't too far behind, and within moments he lifted you off of him, leaning you back just enough that he could come all over your stomach, ruining your skirt as the hot, thick spurts hit it. "Fuck.." He sighs, sitting back in the chair, letting you catch your breath for a moment.

You looked like a goddess to him, you looked perfect with your hair messy, and your face red and flushed, but relaxed and calm looking. You looked at him, unable to stop the giggling that escaped your lips. He looked at you, eyebrow raised.

"I'm sorry." You says, a small smile on your face as you stand up slowly. You figured he wasn't the hanging around type, and you didn't want to keep him from whatever his plans were. "This just totally wasn't how I expected this to go."

Billy chuckles, pulling his jeans up and buckling them. "Glad I could be of service." He says, grabbing his jacket off the table. "I'll be back tomorrow, I'll bring cherries and flour." He says grabbing his keys.

He walks past you, giving you a light pat on your still exposed ass, he caught sight of your brothers car through the living room window as he came to the hallway. "He's home." He calls over his shoulder, sending you running up the stairs with a squeak.

@bloatedandlonly