#maybe its bc i bought so much stuff from them

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

[kthologue]

operation: get over your childhood crush! — gojo satoru

synopsis. in an attempt to move on from your childhood best friend—who definitely doesn’t see you the way you want—you hatch a series of plans to help you get over him. it doesn't go as planned.

contents. hurt/comfort, fluff, nerd!gojo, college au, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, unreliable narrator, miscommunication, insecurity, dorky references bc u make him go dumb and digimon inaccuracies probably

notes. i did not proofread this monster!! enjoy :P

The hum of the air conditioning fills the room as night settles in, the light from Satoru’s bedside lamp casting a soft glow over his mess of a room. You’re both sprawled out across his bed, limbs entangled like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Because, for the two of you, it is.

Satoru’s Nintendo Switch is balanced on his stomach, hands lazily tapping away as his little Digimon charges into battle on screen. You’re curled into his side, one leg hooked around his and a blanket thrown haphazardly across you both. The half-abandoned textbooks sit at the edge of the mattress, tragically ignored. Another study session: failed. Not that Satoru needed it. He passed everything with flying colors. It was more of an excuse for you to come over.

“Your room still smells like that cheap vanilla air freshener,” you mumble, nose scrunching.

“That’s because you bought it,” he replies without looking up, thumb expertly guiding his character through an attack.

“Because your room would end up stinking with sweat and whatever freaky stuff you do in here.”

“Hey!” He whines. “I shower everyday and you know it. The stink is all you. Have you ever sniffed yourself, princess?”

You swat at his stomach, and he lets out a dramatic grunt. “Rude. I brought that candle to add ambiance.”

“Ah yes,” he deadpans, “nothing like artificial sugar scent.’”

You snort, settling your head back down on his shoulder, the fabric of his hoodie soft beneath your cheek. There’s a long pause before you say, “You know, if we fail our exams, I’m blaming your Digimon addiction.”

He grins. “I’m raising digital warriors, thank you very much. And I’ve never failed an exam, don’t wound me now!”

“They look like mutant toddlers with attitude problems.”

He gasps, clutching his heart. “They’re champions, you monster.”

You laugh, letting the sound dissolve into something quieter as your fingers absentmindedly trace a pattern into the blanket. His hand rests near yours. Not holding it. Not not holding it.

His glasses are tilted again. Of course.

You reach up and straighten them with a sigh. “Honestly, you’d be lost without me.”

“Not true.” He says it reflexively, then pauses. His voice softens. “Okay, maybe. I’d probably just let them slide down until I walked into a wall.”

You smile faintly. “And there’d be no one there to patch you up.”

“Tragic,” he agrees. “Would bleed out on the floor, probably.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“You’re so bossy,” he counters, shooting you a sideways look. 

“Admit it,” he says, voice full of faux-smugness, “you’d miss me if I died tragically and left you all alone.”

You hesitate for a second too long before mumbling, “Don’t joke about that.”

It’s quiet. The game music loops in the background as his Digimon wins the battle with a triumphant fanfare.

He doesn’t say anything.

You suddenly feel too warm under the blanket. The joke had been harmless, stupid even.

But something inside you twists, the same something that’s been unraveling lately every time he mentions another girl.

Another type. That’s not you.

“You know,” you say slowly, eyes peeling from the screen to his phone, which lights up with a notification, revealing one of his favorite gravure model’s latest issues as its wallpaper. “You could probably date any girl you wanted. Why do you partake in freak stuff like this? It’s anti-girl repellent.”

He makes a noncommittal sound. “Doubt it.”

“I don’t. You’ve got that whole genius-who-doesn’t-realize-he’s-hot thing going on.”

He glances at you, skeptical. “Is that a thing?”

“It is. Annoying, but effective. Girls love it.”

He hums, clearly amused, cheeks slightly flushed. “Well, good to know I have options.”

You try to laugh, but it catches in your throat.

You shouldn’t ask. You really shouldn’t.

But you’re lying in his bed. Wrapped up in him like you belong here. And some part of you aches to know the answer.

So you pretend it’s a joke. You tilt your head against his shoulder, voice airy, teasing. “Hey, be honest—do you think I’m cute?”

He goes still.

His hand tightens slightly on the Switch. You think you’ve pushed too far, so you try to backpedal before he can respond.

“Not like… like that,” you say quickly. “I just meant, like, in general. Compared to those girls you’re into. Say, Waka Inoue. You know, long legs, shiny hair, cute face?”

His jaw tightens.

You’re still trying to play it off. “I mean, I’m not fishing for compliments. I just—was wondering.”

He finally turns to look at you.

His gaze lingers. And for the first time all night, he’s not smiling.

You feel your breath stutter in your throat underneath his gaze.

Then he shrugs.

“…Nah.”

It slices through the air with quiet finality.

Your heart drops. You don’t let it show. Not fully. But it must flicker in your face, because he quickly looks away.

You laugh. It sounds forced.

“Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, I wasn’t expecting a yes or anything.”

He’s silent.

You shift away from him slightly, giving him space. “I should head home soon. We didn’t really get any studying done, anyway.”

“It’s late. Why don’t you stay the night?”

Usually, you’d accept his offer with a smile, but you really wanted to go home and wallow in your own self pity.

“It’s fine, I have something to do anyway,” the lie slips out of your mouth easily as you begin to pack your things.

And you miss the way he watches you—guilt in his eyes, frustration on his tongue. 

You knew it was time. Twenty years of hopeless, fruitless pining had done enough damage to your heart.

It had started the day your parents moved next door. Satoru had been the loud, obnoxious, too-pretty-for-his-own-good boy on the playground who shoved candy in your hand and asked if you wanted to be friends.

You’d been doomed since day one.

And to make things worse, you’d both gotten into Japan’s most competitive university—together. Same neighborhood. Same school. Same train route. You weren’t just stuck with him. You were haunted.

But you were young and hot. And allegedly in your prime. You couldn’t keep orbiting around a guy who still thought microwave gyoza was a food group and used your shampoo because it “smelled like you, so why not?”

You were sipping coffee with your two closest friends, and today’s topic was—unfortunately—your love life.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you’ve been stuck on Gojo for this long,” Utahime said, disgusted, as she stirred her latte like it personally offended her. “You could do so much better.”

“It was kind of cute in high school,” Shoko added “but now it’s just sad.”

You sighed, blowing on your drink. “I know, okay? It’s not like I haven’t tried. But he’s literally the only guy I’ve ever been close to. I don’t even talk to guys besides him.”

“That’s because he’s been gatekeeping you since the two of you met,” Utahime said flatly. “I swear, every time someone so much as glanced at you, he pulled that overprotective act.”

You wrinkled your nose. “That doesn’t sound like ’Toru…”

Shoko and Utahime exchanged a look. One of those knowing glances.

Utahime cleared her throat. “It doesn’t matter! What matters is you are hot. You’ve got the face, the body, the grades, the personality. You just need the confidence.”

You peeked up at her, unsure. “You really think so?”

Utahime leaned forward, smirking like she’d just won a war. “I know so. And that’s why I’ve come up with a plan.”

You narrowed your eyes. “A plan?”

She slammed her hands down on the table, eyes alight. “Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru.”

You blinked. “That’s… a long title.”

Shoko blew a slow stream of smoke. “It’s either this or pine until you die and haunt him as a love-sick ghost.”

You stared into your cup, sighing. “Fine. I’m in. What’s step one?”

Utahime grinned.

“Whatcha doing?” 

Gojo’s voice drifts lazily over your shoulder, followed by the soft rustle of his hoodie as he leans in. He’s far too close, obnoxiously so, his breath tickling your ear and his chin was nearly resting on your shoulder.

You don’t even glance up. “Studying.”

The two of you are supposed to be studying— finals loom overhead like a guillotine, but as usual, very little academic progress has been made. Mostly because your study partner is a six-foot-something genius who insists on sitting sideways in the booth, long legs tangled in yours under the table like it’s second nature.

He hums, skeptical. “Liar.”

You hum noncommittally, thumbing through the dating app Utahime suggested with vague disinterest. The guys blur together: not tall enough, too cocky, too bland, too not Satoru. One makes a joke suspiciously close to a Gojo classic, and you immediately hit unmatch with a scowl.

“Wait,” Satoru says slowly. “Are you on a dating app?!” He practically yells the last part. Half the cafe turns to glare at the source of the disruption.

You hiss under your breath, mortified, swatting at him. “Keep your voice down, idiot!”

His eyes widen dramatically, hands thrown up like you’ve stabbed him. “I leave you alone for two minutes and you’re already planning a life with someone named ‘Keita, aspiring poet and spiritual healer’? I’m wounded.”

“You weren’t supposed to read that far.”

“I’m a speed-reader,” he says with a smug grin. “It’s part of the whole ‘genius’ thing.”

Before you can argue, he snatches your phone with a level of ease that tells you this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. He grins like he’s won a prize.

“Satoru!”

“Relax, I’m not texting anyone,” he says, fingers flying across the screen. “Just optimizing.”

Your heart drops. “What are you typing?”

“Nothing~”

You make a grab for your phone, but he effortlessly leans back, holding it above his head with those ridiculously long limbs. You glare at him from across the table, arm outstretched like a furious cat trying to swat at the moon.

“Give it back!”

“Patience.”

“Gojo Satoru—”

“Okay, okay!” he relents with a dramatic sigh, finally placing your phone face-down on the table like he’s done you a huge favor.

You snatch it up immediately, eyes scanning for damage. No weird messages. No unsolicited likes. No new matches.

“…What did you do?”

“I didn’t message anyone,” he assures, too innocent to be trusted. “I’m not that cruel.”

You narrow your eyes, suspicious.

“But,” he adds with a grin, “I didn’t know you were dating.”

“I’m not,” you mutter, clicking your phone off. “Just considering it. Trying. It’s not going well.”

“Good.”

The word comes out too fast. Too sharp. And his face doesn’t match the light tone he’s trying to play off.

You raise an eyebrow. “Good?”

He shifts, leaning back in his seat, suddenly very interested in stirring the foam in his overpriced coffee. “I mean, it’s good you’re not settling. You should be picky. Guys are the worst.”

You snort. “You are a guy.”

“Exactly. I know what we’re like.”

You smile despite yourself, rolling your eyes. “I’m sure you think you’re the exception.”

“I know I am,” he says, winking. Then he sobers slightly, eyes flickering to yours. “I’m just… looking out for you.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest ache. You wish it was more than just him being protective in that big-brotherly, annoyingly loyal kind of way.

You take a sip of your coffee to cool your nerves. It doesn’t help. The words come out before you can stop them.

“You know with the way things are going… maybe you should just date me at this point.”

Silence.

It’s a joke. Supposed to be. But the second it leaves your lips, it tastes real.

Gojo freezes.

You panic. “I didn’t mean—like, I was just joking—”

But he turns toward you, eyes unreadable behind the fringe of snowy white hair. “Maybe I should.”

You blink.

And then, with infuriating ease, he grins.

“Anyway,” he says quickly, swiping your phone from the table again before you can stop him, “Yuto here looks like the type to ghost you after three dates and a karaoke duet. You can do better.”

You gape at him, completely thrown off, your heart slamming in your chest.

You don’t even notice what he’s done until later—until you get home and open your app to find that your bio has been changed.

Taken. Mentally married to a nerd since birth.

You want to scream.

Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru?

Yeah. Not going great.

Not at all.

You weren’t sure why you agreed to it.

Maybe it was the look in Utahime’s eyes, so determined and hopeful. Maybe it was Shoko promising she would help you find true love. Maybe it was the quiet part of you that wanted to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Someone who wasn’t Gojo Satoru.

“Today,” Utahime had declared, curling the last strand of your hair like she was threading a spell, “is the first day of your Gojo-less future”

You laughed nervously, tugging at the hem of your skirt. It wasn’t your usual style—not the dewy makeup you weren’t used to seeing in the mirror, not the new haircut that made your eyes look almost too bright, not the blouse that left your shoulders bare in a way that made you feel strangely noticed.

But when you caught your reflection, your heart fluttered. You looked beautiful.

When you stepped onto campus, the sun was out, the wind teasing your hair. You spotted him immediately—Gojo, slouched against the wall outside your lecture hall, nose buried in his Switch as he muttered something under his breath about evolving stats and attack modifiers.

He didn’t notice you at first.

Then he looked up.

His game froze mid-battle. His mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again, like someone had unplugged his brain.

“Wha—” he said eloquently. “Wh—what did you do.”

You blinked. “Hi to you too.”

He stared, unabashed. His glasses were slightly crooked, his ears glowing scarlet. He looked like someone had just told him Digimon was real and living in your shoes.

He blinked. “You look like… like you skipped two evolution stages overnight. Straight to Mega. Like if Angewomon fused with… I don’t know, some kind of rare, limited-release goddess-type Digimon that only spawns on a lunar eclipse.”

You blinked.

Utahime’s voice in your head: You’re hot. Unstoppable. He’s going to be speechless.

And Gojo was. But not in the way you wanted.

You tried to laugh. “So I look like a cartoon?”

“A beautiful cartoon,” he said, serious now. “Like the kind of boss character they only show for two frames because animating her costs too much.”

Your heart stuttered. It was the sort of compliment only Gojo could give: clumsy and dorky, yet brilliant in its own way.

But the moment passed.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, sunglasses slipping slightly as he muttered, “You just… you look different. That’s all.”

Different.

Not better. Not prettier.

Just different.

You swallowed. “Yeah, well. Thought I’d try something new.”

“I didn’t say it was bad,” he added quickly, but the words felt unsure. Flimsy.

“I should… use the restroom,” you mumbled, turning before he could say anything else.

In the bathroom, you stared at your reflection. Your lipstick looked too bold now. Your lashes too heavy. Despite the change, you were still painfully you— the you Gojo teased during study sessions, the one he let borrow his hoodie when it rained, the one who sat next to him during endless all-nighters. And maybe that was the problem. You weren’t like those girls on the magazines. 

What you didn’t see, what you couldn’t see, was Gojo still standing outside the lecture hall, staring after you, Switch forgotten, game over screen blinking on the screen.

He didn’t even notice.

“You good, Satoru?” Shoko asked, walking by.

He blinked. “I think I just saw my best friend… and my final boss… and my future wife… all at once.”

Shoko snorted. “You’re a dork.”

Gojo just sighed, shoulders slumping as he muttered, “I’m so doomed.”

It’s a mild Friday evening when you meet him—Kazuya, the guy from your psychology class. He’s polite, articulate, and kind of cute. The kind of guy who asks if you prefer cats or dogs before ordering his drink, and actually listens when you answer.

Utahime and Shoko had insisted you say yes. “A change of pace,” they called it. “You need a baseline. Not every guy is going to be Gojo Satoru.”

Exactly. That was the point.

You’re sipping a matcha latte and nodding along as Kazuya explains his thesis on cognitive development when a very familiar voice cuts through the air.

“Well, well, well. Fancy seeing you here.”

Your stomach drops. You look up, and sure enough—

Satoru.

In all his tall, obnoxiously eye-catching glory, wearing a white t-shirt that was inside out and a grin like he just won the lottery. He's holding a bottle of ramune and standing directly next to your table, like he’s been there the whole time.

You blink. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugs. “Thirsty. Wanted a drink.”

“At this café? On this side of campus?”

“Yeah,” he says, tone innocent. “Weird coincidence, huh?”

Kazuya offers a polite smile. “You’re her friend, right? Gojo?”

“Oh, best friend. Lifelong. Practically her shadow.” He plops into the empty seat beside you without asking, casually tossing his ramune onto the table. “What’s your name again? Kaname?”

“…Kazuya.”

“Right, right. I always mix those up. You look like a Kaname, though. Or maybe a Yusuke.”

You stare at him, incredulous. “Satoru—”

But he’s already leaning over, squinting at the book tucked under Kazuya’s arm. “Ooh, Piaget. Bold move. Love that for you.”

Kazuya blinks. “Do you… like developmental theory?”

“I like being correct,” Gojo says with a cheeky smile. “Also, [Name] hates Piaget. She called him ‘the Freud of toddlers’ last semester.”

Kazuya turns to you in mild surprise. “Really?”

“I—I mean, yeah,” you mumble. “Sort of.”

Gojo beams. “Told you.”

Kazuya makes a valiant effort to steer the conversation back to safe, neutral ground.

“So, you mentioned you're interested in behaviorism, right?” he says, offering a gentle smile. “I thought Dr. Takeda's lecture on conditioned responses was kind of fascinating—”

“Oh, riveting,” Satoru cuts in, lounging back in his chair like he owns the café. “Nothing like bonding over Pavlov’s dogs to spark romance. Did she tell you she cried during Inside Out because the depiction of core memories was ‘psychologically resonant’? Real charmer, this one.”

You shoot Satoru a look. “I was twelve!”

Kazuya blinks, trying not to smile. “I actually thought that was pretty moving, too.”

“Wow,” Satoru deadpans. “A match made in neuroscience.”

Kazuya laughs politely and continues, undeterred. “So, uh, any research plans after graduation?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Satoru beats you to it again.

“She used to want to be a vet. Cried when she had to dissect a frog in middle school. Tragic day.”

“Is that true?” Kazuya turns to you, amused now.

“Technically, yes,” you mutter into your drink.

By the time your cup is empty, you realize you’ve laughed more at Satoru’s interjections than you have at anything Kazuya’s said. Not because Kazuya wasn’t interesting—he was. He was calm, thoughtful, well-read, and clearly trying. But next to Satoru, whose entire presence seemed impossible to ignore, Kazuya didn’t stand a chance.

Still, to his credit, Kazuya maintains a steady, if slightly strained, expression as he sets down his cup and finally says, carefully,

“So… is Gojo your boyfriend?”

The question hangs awkwardly.

You and Satoru answer at the same time.

“No,” you say quickly.

“Yes,” he says with a smile.

You both turn to stare at each other.

“I mean—no,” he corrects, waving his hands. “Just a joke. Hah. Obviously.”

Kazuya blinks. “Right.”

You can’t meet either of their eyes. Your drink is finished, your palms are damp, and the café is suddenly too warm, too small. You push back your chair and stand.

“I should go. Early lab meeting tomorrow.” It’s the weakest excuse, but neither of them calls you on it.

Kazuya stands too, polite as ever. “Thanks for meeting up. You seem like a really cool person.” He hesitates, then adds, gently, “I just think maybe you’ve already got someone.”

You freeze. You open your mouth, then close it again. There’s nothing to say.

Outside, the cold air kisses your cheeks like a reminder. It stings a little, or maybe that’s just the confusion burning in your chest.

Satoru’s already waiting for you. Of course he is. He’s leaning against the lamppost, silver hair catching in the wind. But his eyes are downcast, trained on the sidewalk.

He doesn’t say anything right away. Neither do you.

You exhale, watching your breath curl white in the air. “You didn’t have to crash it, y’know.”

“I didn’t crash,” he replies without looking at you. “I was invited.”

“By who?”

“Fate. Karma. The gods of poor decision-making.” He shrugs.

You roll your eyes, but it tugs a laugh from you anyway. Stupid, annoying, charming Gojo.

“So,” he says after a beat, nudging your arm gently with his elbow, “how’d it go?”

You glance at him. He still won’t meet your gaze. His lips are pursed like he’s holding back a hundred words and none of them are funny.

“He was nice,” you admit. Despite being rudely interrupted by the white haired idiot beside you.

“Nice is boring,” he mutters, kicking at a loose stone on the pavement.

You laugh, soft and tired. “You’re the worst.”

He finally looks at you then, lips quirking into that smug, too-knowing smile. “But you like me anyway.”

You look away, cheeks burning, heart thudding like a traitor in your chest.

You don’t answer.

You don’t have to.

Despite Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru failing in every imaginable way, things were starting to feel bearable.

Almost good, even.

Satoru still hovered a little too close, always with that same half-smile like he knew something you didn’t. And maybe, just maybe— his constant sabotage, the teasing, the jealousy, the way he looked at you like he was about to say something important but never did. Maybe it all meant something.

You let yourself believe it, just a little.

And that was your first mistake.

It happens quietly, without fanfare or warning. Just a throwaway line between sips of lukewarm coffee and the soft shuffle of paper. You’re both at your usual spot in the library, surrounded by open notebooks and highlighted packets, pretending to study more than you actually are.

You’re halfway through underlining a term in your psychology notes when Satoru leans back in his chair, stretches like a cat, and says far too casually:

“So, guess who asked me out?”

You hum absentmindedly. “Who?”

“Ayane.”

The name hits you like a slap.

You freeze, highlighter paused mid-sentence. “…Ayane? From the biochem track?”

“Yeah,” he says, practically glowing. “You know her, right? She's in your study group sometimes.”

You do know her. Of course you do. Everyone knows her.

She’s beautiful, with this effortless, clean kind of elegance—long legs, perfect posture, and that quiet, poised confidence that makes professors adore her and guys fall over themselves. The kind of girl who posts one blurry bookshelf photo and still racks up a thousand likes. The kind of girl Gojo always jokes about marrying.

But he’s not joking now. He’s beaming.

“She asked me out to dinner this Friday. She’s so smart, too. I didn’t even have to pretend to know what quantum entanglement was. It’s wild.” He laughs, brushing a hand through his hair. “I thought she’d never go for a guy like me, y’know?”

You force a laugh. “A guy like you?”

“Yeah. I dunno. Too much, I guess? But she said I was ‘refreshing.’” He grins. 

Your stomach sinks.

This is what you thought you wanted—for him to move on, so you could finally do the same. For Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru to succeed, for real this time.

But now that it’s happening, it feels like someone’s slowly pulling your ribs apart.

“Oh,” you manage, smiling like you’ve practiced it. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”

He doesn’t notice the way your voice cracks on happy. He just keeps talking, rambling about restaurant reservations and how she likes contemporary poetry and used to live in France. You nod in all the right places, but your thoughts are already slipping away.

Because it isn’t just that he’s going out with someone else.

It’s that he chose her.

Her with her flawless skin and quiet charm and the kind of beauty that doesn’t need to try. Her, with everything you’re not. And more than that, it’s that he made you believe you could have meant more to him, when really, he’d been searching for someone else all along.

You excuse yourself early, mumbling something about laundry.

He doesn’t follow.

You don’t cry until you’re halfway home, the cold air biting at your cheeks as your vision blurs.

For the first time in years, you don’t text him goodnight.

You don’t wait for a meme. Or a dumb joke. Or his usual, “Hey, genius. Sleep.”

You go silent.

And when he texts the next day, you don’t reply.

You skip your library meet-up. You don’t sit next to him in class. You even duck into the stairwell when you see his ridiculous white hair from across campus.

It’s not because you’re mad. It’s because you’re heartbroken.

And you can’t keep pretending it doesn’t matter—that he doesn’t matter.

You weren’t just losing your best friend.

You were losing the love of your life.

And he didn’t even notice.

It takes him three days to notice you’re gone.

Well—no. That’s a lie.

He notices immediately. The moment your usual seat in the library stays empty. When your laugh doesn’t echo in the café line. When your name doesn’t pop up on his screen at 2AM with some stupid meme captioned, “this reminded me of you, idiot.”

But he tells himself you’re busy.

Midterms, right? Stress. Coffee. You get like this sometimes, and he gets it. He really does.

So he waits. Tells himself not to be clingy.

But then Friday comes.

And he's sitting across from Ayane in some expensive, quiet restaurant where the napkins are folded like origami cranes and the water tastes filtered. She’s telling him about her research internship in Osaka, about enzymes and international grants, and all he can think is—

You’d be making fun of me right now.

You’d be kicking him under the table. Whispering some dumb pun about digimon. You’d be pulling faces every time he tried to pronounce the items on the menu. You’d be you.

Ayane is lovely.

But she doesn’t laugh when he says something stupid. She just smiles politely.

She doesn’t ask about why his glasses are always crooked (it’s so you could fix them). Doesn’t tease him for double-knotting his laces like a paranoid grandma. Doesn’t call him “Sato” like it’s some private joke only the two of you get.

He walks her home. Thanks her for a nice evening.

Then he goes to the convenience store. Alone.

And he sees your favorite snack on the shelf and buys two out of habit.

He stares at his phone the entire train ride back.

No new messages.

Just the last one you sent days ago:

“Laundry. Rain check?”

And nothing since.

He waits. Another day. Then two.

You don’t show up to class again.

You don’t like his latest meme.

You don’t comment on the Digimon pun he texted you out of desperation.

You are silent.

And Satoru Gojo—brilliant, blind-sighted, the golden boy of theoretical physics, always five steps ahead realizes, too late, that he’s been a fool.

That he didn’t just lose a study partner.

He lost the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

The one person he couldn’t replace with rare Digimon pulls, half-solved physics equations, or overly sweet desserts.

And for the first time since he was a kid—

He’s afraid.

It’s been a little over a week.

A little over a week since Gojo Satoru has heard your voice. Since you shoved your coffee at him without asking, muttering “too sweet for me” when you really meant “I got this for you.” Since you poked fun at his stupid sock choices, or knocked your foot against his under the table like it was nothing.

And Satoru is suffering.

He's tried everything. Showed up to your house with excuses too weak to be called plans (“Hey, I brought your favorite snacks. I just... figured maybe you forgot you liked them?”). Waited outside your lecture hall until a security guard asked if he was lost. Took detours between classes hoping to catch a glimpse of your ponytail, your laugh, anything.

But you were always one step ahead.

You stopped answering his texts. Blocked him on that stupid dating app (which—ouch, even though you hadn’t used it seriously). You didn’t even show up to the library anymore. And even Shoko started looking at him with thinly veiled pity and a you really fumbled the bag look in her eyes.

Gojo Satoru is just tired.

Miserable.

So when he finally finds you—not because he’s chasing you down this time, but because he’s walking the long way home, and there you are, sitting on the old swings at the park where you first met—it knocks the wind out of him.

You don’t look surprised to see him. Just tired too.

“I figured you’d find me eventually,” you say quietly.

He swallows. His hands curl at his sides like he’s preparing for a fight.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says, like it isn’t obvious. “Why?”

You look away. “You’re smart. Figure it out.”

Gojo looks down at his feet.

“I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Silence stretches between you, heavy and stinging. The playground is empty except for the wind dragging a soda can down the sidewalk and the faint creak of the swing chain.

Then he exhales, ragged and unsure. “Look, I can’t—I can’t take this anymore.”

You glance up.

“I can’t either.”

Hope flares too fast, too naive in his chest. His shoulders drop like he’s been holding up the world. “That’s good,” he breathes, stepping forward. “Because the silent treatment— God, I thought I was going to—”

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

The words stop him cold.

“What?” he breathes.

You laugh, but it’s hollow. Like something already broken. “Don’t you get it? I can’t be friends with you and pretend that nothing’s changed. That I’m okay just being your best friend. I’ve been in love with you for years, Satoru.”

His heart stutters. You don’t stop.

“And I love myself too much to keep hurting for someone who doesn’t even look at me that way.” Your voice cracks, but you push through. “Do you know how humiliating it feels? To love someone so much it aches, and still feel like you’ll never be enough?”

He opens his mouth. Closes it.

You wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your jacket, swallowing the lump in your throat. “You never even thought I was cute.”

He looks like he’s been hit.

“I’ve been chasing scraps. Leftovers. Mixed signals and stupid inside jokes. I—I can’t do it anymore.”

You finally meet his eyes, and that’s when he sees it: the hurt you’ve been hiding behind every smile, every brush-off, every joke you cracked to keep the silence from swallowing you.

And for once, Gojo Satoru can’t find a single thing to say.

Not yet.

Not until he stops you from walking away.

“Where did you get an idea like that?” His cerulean eyes search yours desperately. “I-I don’t think you’re just cute, are you kidding?” he blurts, eyes wild.

“Y-you’re breathtaking! Everything I’ve dreamt of and more! That night when you asked me if I thought you were cute, I only said no because it would be a divine crime to reduce to such. All of my fantasies have been centered around you since we first met on that playground—since you tripped over your shoelaces trying to race me to the monkey bars!”

Your breath catches.

He continues, desperate now, like every second of silence might kill him.

“I love you! And not like a brother. Like—I want to marry you. Like, small wedding in Okinawa, barefoot on the beach, you wearing that soft blue dress you like. I already planned it. Our firstborn would be a daughter, with your eyes, my hair. She’d be the boss of the house.”

You gape.

“Wait—”

“I’m not done!” he says, hands thrown up. “Then we’d have twins. Boys. Chaos gremlins. One would look like my twin and the other yours, and they’d absolutely terrorize us—but their sister keeps them in check, she’s fierce like you.”

You blink. A tear slides down your cheek.

“I want to move to Kyoto,” he says, softer now. “Buy a house with a dumb little garden. Grow tomatoes we’ll never eat. Live out the rest of our lives where it’s quiet.”

You cover your mouth, stunned. “You… really thought all that out?”

“It’s easy,” he breathes, “when all I can think about is you.”

He steps closer. The wind tugs his white hair into his eyes, but he doesn’t blink.

“I go to study nonlinear quantum field theory and all I see is your face. I try to cool off and play Digimon, and even that’s ruined—my lineup is garbage now! I only keep the ones you said were cute!”

A laugh bubbles out of you, fragile and watery.

“You idiot,” you murmur.

“I am,” he nods solemnly. “I’m the world’s biggest idiot. And I’m in love with you.”

Another tear slips down. He wipes it away before you can.

“Is it too late?” he asks, voice cracking slightly. “Please tell me it’s not too late.”

You stare at him, this man, this brilliant, ridiculous boy who had held your heart long before you ever admitted it.

“It’s not too late,” you whisper.

He doesn’t speak. Just steps closer. Gently and carefully, like he's handling something sacred, he cups your cheek in his hand.

Your nose bumps his. His breath ghosts over your lips.

“I’ve been waiting to do this for years,” he whispers.

And then, finally, he kisses you.

It’s not perfect, your cheeks are still wet, his nose bumps yours again, and his hand trembles just a little, but it’s warm and sweet and soft. It tastes like home..

When he pulls away, his smile is sheepish. “So… are we still doing the whole ‘Operation: Get Over Gojo’ thing, or?”

You laugh, heart full, forehead pressed to his.

“Mission failed,” you whisper.

He grins. “Good.”

And then he kisses you again.

art by leimiruu on x!

[sweetsea42]

Life contract

Requested by @pestilentcherub 🫶

Pairing: TrueForm! Sukuna x f!reader

Plot: you got hired! But you end up in a life contract with the king of curses and he is dangerous. But is he dangerous enough to make you fear for your life?

Cw: I don't even know how to classify this before continuing in a series. Some cursing, too much plot for a short oneshot, kind of slow paced, poorly proofread (for now) bc it's 3am and I'm tired but I wanna post it already

Wc: 2k

"Great news! You are hired, and as soon as you land in Japan, we will sign your contract!" With that, your heart couldn't go back to its normal pace, but in a good way, of course. The employer was as happy as you, and she even scheduled and bought the tickets for your fly to Tokyo. But before, she let you have some time to sell and pack all your things.

Right after you landed and went trough the gates, you started to look for someone with your name plate, assuming your co-workers would be there waiting for you, as your boss had told you she would send them to show you around, but nothing familiar. And before you could o through he crowded area towards the entrance of the airport, a hand grabbed your arm. When you turned to look, a short nervous guy looked at you and gestured clumsily at you starting with a "Uh... you are...", are you anxious, i don't know, but you answered before he could even say something else. Assuming he was your co-worker, you told your name as if he had forgotten it or it was too difficult for him to pronounce. "Yes, you! Can we go?" he asked shyly and let go of your arm, proceedng to head outside, always checking if you were following him, smilng every time o make things less awkward. 

You both reached a red SUV. You could tell it was new and expansive, and when he opened the back door, the interior was even fancier: beige velvet seats and... black curtains? almost like a limousine.  Leting you in, he closed the door before going to the front and entering the driver's seat. There was a short haired androgynous person with a serious face. Right after you sat, you were handed a bottle of water. You took it and bowed slightly in gratitude. "Thank you" silence ruled, and you tried again: "What's your name? I'm the new businesswoman". "Uraume", she said, not looking away from the window. The silence that followed afterward seemed like a sign to stop talking, so you drank your water. Feeling tired? Of course, the flight was long and you needed some rest.

You woke up a little too tired, with a pungent headache and dry mouth. You were laying n a huge bed adorned with goden-like bed hangings. Looking around, everytinhg in the room had the same color scheme: red, black and gold. After processing a little, you realized you had gotten kidnapped, for sexual trafficking maybe? So you straightened and looked at your body for signs of violation. Seeing that you were still wearing your clothes you sighed in relief, but still a lot worried because you didn't know where you were and what had happened to the rest of your stuff.

After some minutes of sitting and panicking, trying to decide what to do, you stiffed when the heavy dark oak door opened. Uraume came in, stood by the bed an said with the ever so monotone face and voice: "Master is coming to see you. Please don't freak out" and she turned to leave. Stopping by the door, she looked back and complemented. "And please be extra calm and... easygoing, I guess. He never goes after someone. Instead, he would have ordered me to take you there, so... Yeah. Good luck. " She left and closed the door.

A minute or two passed, and you were staring at nothing, and with your mind full of nothing, there was a light knock on the door.

Great, at least "master" knows how to knock on the door. You thought.. Ha! you thought!

"The king is here" Uraume said while peeked through the creack of the door before opening it and letting the king enter. She knocked on the door.

Well, that was unexpected. Instead of an old man wearing a golden crown and red cape, your eyes were greeted by a tall muscular figure that had four arms, four eyes, and symmetrical tattoos over his face and arms But hey, Uraume told you not to freak out. You tried your best not to. And you lost it all when he said lowly, looking at you and back to Uraume.

"What the fuck is this woman wearing?"

And that was the last thing you thought he would say. You looked gorgeous. You spent a whole hour picking your airport crush outfit.

"Excuse me?" you wanted to scream, but didn't want to make him more furious.

"Her clothes are still on the way, master" Uraume said calmly, and he seemed to understand. She then quicly excused herself and left.

"Do not dare adress your judgment towards me, woman. Unless it is of your will to die" He said crossing two of his arms and pointing at you with one of the free ones.

Silently, you analyzed his features. He was indeed very muscular but not too exaggerated. the pairs of eyes on his face, analyzing you back, sometimes looking at your face, then darting back to the rest of you. You could see that his clothes were expansive but designed to be simple and comfortable. He wore a plain black yukata that was shorter on the sleeves, exposing his very well-defined and veiny forearms. Also, his pink hair with darker undercut seemed fresh, straight out of the barbershop.

You looked at him in amusement now, freaking out, yes, but at how hot this scary creature could be.

"I, Ryomen Sukuna, am the king of curses. And you must refer to me as your master" he said with the same confidence of your previous boss. Sassyness didn't scare you.

"And why am I here? This isn't my office, I suppose" After saying this line without thinking, you thought you were done. "How dare you speak to me with such an attitude!?" He pratically growled at your question. "You have been selected to be my servant. And you must not tempt me to kill you" he said, and then lowered at your level, face to face with his foir eyes scanning your confused face. You could feel the heat radiating from the air he breathed out. "Your prosecution will determine your fate". He smelled good, but it wasn't cologne. It was his natural scent. He slowly straightened himself and headed to the door.

"And that would be..."

Turning just enough to see you, he looked with his judgmental eyes. "Tsk. To be my concubine"

You looked around frantically, not knowing where to put your desperate hands. "What do you mean by that?? That is something from the past, like from the... uh... 16th century!?" His response was to slam the door.

You spent nearly one hour sitting there and doing nothing. 

Knock knock. The door opened and it's soft creack noises were followed by Uraume revealing herself to talk to you. "Let's eat something, you must be hungry. The king told me to feed you". And who were you to refuse some food. You were starving, not knowing how many hours you spent sleeping against your will.

-

There were no voices by the table, only cutlery and dishes clinking. There was only you and Sukuna sitting silently. You were definitely feeling the awkward lack of conversation. In fact, you were expecting to have dinner in an isolated small room just with Uraume, but instead, you were sat by a rather small (for royalty) dining table with the king. He was sitting on the opposite end to your seat.

"It is of your duty to do as I please" he broke the silence. "And do not dare to disrespect me. Unless you-" "wanna die" you said as you let out a sigh of boredom. It's been only a few hours here, and you already know what comes after "unless". "I am somewhat content that you are aware of your basic responsibilities" he completed in annoyance after you had just interrupted him.

"So I, before becoming your concubine, will serve you as your maid?" You asked, not sure how your life was going to work from now on. "No. I already possess a great number of maids to take care of my kingdom" "What am I gonna do, then? Wash your feet?" You questioned, rather sarcastically. "Exactly. That, and other things of such".

-

After dinner, you followed him to his room. If you can call it a bedroom, shyt was too fancy and rustic at the same time to simply be that. Passing a door that was slightly open, you slowed your pace to try and peek inside. "What's in here..." you murmured to yourself before being met by a muscular chest. "You do not have the permission to be meddlesome" he said after shoving himself in front of you and slamming the door. The noise startled you to the point of making you feel guilty for being curious. "Sorry, I was just curious. It seemed to have a cute decor" you lied. Actually, you really were just curious and couldn't even see the color of the walls. "My wife's chamber is none of your concern" Oh? Yeah, oh. He has a wife and needs a concubine?? Crazy... You thought.

Just as you arrived in his chambers, you were greeted by an even bigger bed. Well, it was obvious, since he was giant, muscular, and with extra pairs of everything. And that made you wonder if he packed a pair down there, too. But again, you couldn't be nosy. But you didn't know what to expect now. You either become his concubine and face whatever he's hiding underneath his clothes, or you die. So you go with the first option. Simple as that.

He ordered you to clean him, and other maids had already prepared the warm water and the washing cloth, so you started to put your hands to work.

He sat on a love seat with a mean manspread. You could see even through the clothing that his thighs and legs were as muscular as his upper body. He noticed you looking and taking the sight in. He had four eyes to scan your every movement and expression and figure out your feelings.

You waited... and nothing. His only action was to look at you with a smug face. "These clothes will not melt away from my body. Do something about them if you want to do your job".

You stepped closer and pulled the yukata from his upper (??) shoulders, and it slid down his strong arms. You noticed there were more of the shapes that marked his body, and you could see a horizontal slit on his abdomen, which was not surprising. Not yet. The king of curses might get hurt, too. Again, another innocent thought of yours.

You started to clean his skin, starting from his shoulders, and you took extra care as you reached the middle of his deli- defined abs. This time, you looked up and saw that he held an expectation about something you couldn't quite figure out. Looking down, you froze as you saw a big open mouth, with its fangs showing and a tongue out that was clearly teasing you. He pulled your face closer to his, holding you tightly by your chin. "Surprised?" He asked with a devilish smirk that was also splattered over his abs.

Pulling you even closer, two of his other arms gripped your waist after you stumbled upon him. But his grip was no use now that you had landed your hand on his tight muscles. You felt every movement of the fibers under his skin, and the warmth from his mouths radiating on your face and stomach sparked something in you. You were aroused. He felt it, and it was so strange to him.

Unwillingly or not, but surely unconsciously enough to surprise you as much as you did to him, you gropped harder on his thighs, using them to balance yourself, resting your knees on his sides.

Shit, both of you thought. For the first time in his cursed years, he felt "unsafe" with a human being. And he didn't even know what that feeling was.

😭 should I continue?

Btw sorry if it's too much plot and slow paced, I'll work more to adapt to the tumblr style. Talking about style, I'm still learning how to style the posts, ok? Ly ♡

[slightlymediocree]

☆Update 2:☆

I remembered to take pics today! Sort of. Only after i had put away my machines and stuff...

Here are (most) of my edwardian undergarments

(i am wearing modern clothes under bcs the internet is weird)

Chemise, bustle pad, underbust corset, petticoat

I still need to make a corset cover someday, ive just been using a second thin chemise over all this:

I used these vintage buttons on the cuffs. I wanted some more security but ran out of buttons so i used small snaps:

Also put one on the collar so i could try it on. I think the placket at the back of the blouse is a little ugly and larger than ive seen in extant garments but i forgot to adjust the pattern for my broad shoulders and need the extra width for comfort.

I tried on the blouse and skirt together:

I may need to loosen the waistband of the skirt, the corset is a bit bulkier than i thought itd be. Also the blouse is just stuffed into the skirt and currently only has one closure on at the collar so it looks a little bit disproportionate. The belt/sash will help smooth everything out so i dont look like im drowning in voile.

I might go without the bustle pad during the final shoot because i think it gives too much volume in the waist/hip area for edwardian tastes. Its from an 1890s pattern, so the silhouette is a bit out of date. I should probably try the skirt on without the pad before extending the waistband though.

Im pretty happy with how the sleeves turned out! I have some vintage nottingham lace i bought on etsy from penelope textiles that i was going to add to another project. I think ill sew some different laces together and add it to the cuffs to elongate them a bit. Since this dress is supposed to be from roughly 1905, i want the sleeves to look as they wouldve in that time. The photos ive seen mostly feature large ruffles at the ends of elbow-length sleeves but i dont think ill be likely to wear ruffles very often. Ive also seen tighter cuffs that extend from the elbow to mid-forearm or from the elbow to wrist. I think the elbow-length sleeves are a feature of afternoon dresses but i could be wrong. Maybe that was just day dresses? Not sure.

Im also not sure if i want to get gloves/a hat/parasol for this project. On one hand, it would look really cool for the video. On the other hand, it sounds quite expensive and i doubt ill wear it again. I dont want to buy things i wont use and create waste, theres enough of that in fashion. I have a pink 1900s parasol that i might cover with black fabric, but idk.

There isnt much left to do! Im gonna make a list here so i have it written somewhere:

-sew snaps onto blouse

-finish blouse hem

-attatch lace cuffs

-press pleats on sash/belt

-order synthetic whalebones

-add bones, hook/bars to belt

This is just the sewing tasks though, i need to edit the video clips and record audio. I have no idea how to do any of this. I just downloaded davinci video editor so hopefully i can figure it out. The only experience i have with video making/editing was in 3rd grade on ipads on the imovie app. Ive just been binge watching bernadette banner videos bcs i love her video style.

Any tips/feedback are much appreciated! ♡

Date: 4/22/24

[3416]

I'm a massive Nylander fan - but I gotta say I am really disappointed as he just seems to consistently feed the discourse surrounding him. We know how many gears he has yet he only seems to engage them when he wants. I don't know - I've tried and tried to see it from all angles but I am just a little bitter this morning. I'll get over it. It's not all on him but fuck, it's frustrating loving him but looking at him objectively too. I'm sorry - I just needed a place to say this... the one thought that keeps bouncing around in my head is how Craig Berube saying William doesn't want him to talk to him (and yes, maybe is was meant facetiously at the time) - isn't going to age well...especially after the comment that part of the faliure last night - and I'm paraphrasing - not everyone bought into what was needed. Anyway, love your blog. Thanks for giving me and others a safe place to say what's on their minds.

HI THERE... so sorry to trash on your guy, i really don't dislike willy at all personally, but the shift in perception about him at the expense of mitch is insane to me. like i know toronto will always have a scapegoat, but willy's been in the clear on that for a good like.... 5 years atp bc he was outperforming the end of his last contract. i've always had minor beef with his game bc i think it's like the definition of individual glory in some ways, which can be great and shiny and wonderful when it works out for you but also......

that doesn't mean he's a bad person or whatnot, and i don't think he's exactly lazy. but like idk why people are okay accepting the "he just has it some games and others he doesn't" idea abt him to write off his mishaps. i don't know what it is. bc he just straight up cannot commit to defense lots of games. like he doesn't value that... his whole thing being breakaways is like.... the definition of abandoning coverage for a hope play, LOL, and it requires its own kind of gift for that but how often has that also resulted in someone having to cover for him.... i'm glad it's worked out for us during the regular season, but he failed basically every attempt this second round bc the goaltending elevates. i think there's room to enjoy that about him and also recognize like... when people talk about players on stanley cup winning teams buying into the same type of game, that involving the checking and the blocking shots and the ugly not-flashy stuff and he does not do that sort of thing consistently at all. and because the media coverage has shifted, anything the coach says about willy is like 'haha ! he doesn't care, he's built for this (the bright lights and pressure we now pretend is not a real thing at all) !' but seriously... if the "he doesn't even hear ME" happened about mitch or auston... i actually can't imagine. they face SO much more scrutiny.

anyway, none of this is a judgment of him as a person bc he's silly and fun and i get the appeal, but i find the whole 'at least SOMEONE embraces the bright lights' bc he like. loves living in toronto (as they all do and have expressed) and has had a couple big moments offensively (but not consistently lmfao) soooo silly. when i see people say he should be leadership on our team, i just laugh a little bit bc like. you can be liked in the locker room without taking on a role like that. did he answer to the media last night, quick question? if he did, would he have had anything thoughtful or composed to say bc all he does is give one liners and nothing sincere. again, i'm never questioning these guys effort levels as hockey players. they all play different styles of game... i just think the praise about him being some mega star in the playoffs and caring more than everyone else is absolute bullshit, and i hope it stops after this run. he gets to bark on the bench in a blow out game at people (who go on to score a goal in that game too lol) when he himself doesnt show up and it gets memed to hell and used as proof of his leadership and passion but mitch does it and the overall take from the entire media is that he's childish for that and it's unwarranted? after there were just articles about him never showing emotion out there? you actually cannot win with the media (and in turn the fans who eat it up and process it as fact). who knows if the scapegoat role will ever flip and turn on willy again, but rn i'm tired of how things are talked about. so much of the praise about him is the result of an overcorrection as an attempt to shit on mitch, and when willy ultimately can't come through or his weaknesses show, it's crickets lately after all the aggrandization. it's hypocritical.

[bluestarjay]

Another 2000s HP take idk Harry Potter was just MEANT to take place in the 2000s instead of the 90s.

Like Ginny wearing Miss Me jeans and those cute lacey Henley tops or layered tank tops. Ginny would literally eat so hard in a Juicy Tracksuit. I feel like she would dress a bit like Cady in Mean Girls. Hermione would dress similarly but also a bit more modest/less fashionably??? Like she doesn't care as much for jewelry and makeup and stuff but the bases are the same if that makes sense. Like Hermione wears midi skirts and layered camis and cardigans and stuff. She would dress like Maddie from Suit Life of Zack and Cody (I've never seen it but judging from clips and pics I think they have similar fashion vibes)

Hermione does own a fair bit of designer clothes bc her parents are dentists so I'd imagine they make quite a bit of money. Ginny is blue and brown coded and Hermione is pink and brown coded.

I know Dean is muggle-born and I knowwww he has music constantly playing in the dorms. Like there's a lot of rap and r&b playing. I think Ron would like rap too honestly. I could see him listening to Eminem. I dont listen to rap so like. Don't think too much of any of it.

I NEED all of them to go to a muggle mall. They all just like go through hundreds of records and cds and shit and there's just mtv/vevo or smth like that playing music videos in the background. I want Ron to try a slushie. I want Ginny to go to a sephora soooo bad. I need her and Hermione to look at diff lip gloss shades while Harry and Ron are sitting at the entrance with all their bags. Ginny with a sparkly flip phone case ‼️‼️ and when she gets home, Ginny's room is suddenly covered in posters of Brittany Spears, The Spice Girls, Rihanna, and Gwen Stefani. She lovessss all the pop girlies.

Ginny is very Polly Pocket, Groovy Girls coded I think. She is THEE 2000s girlie. I think Hermione would have a typical catalog bedroom, like maybe one of the owl themed ones yk, matching furniture set and decals on the wall. She definitely has one entire theme for her room and its probably something like owls, polka dots, or maybe flowers. It's almost definitely pink and green and white. Yall KNOW what I'm talking about. And Hermione definitely has a novelty phone, like one of the lip ones or maybe even a clear one.

Also, if Harry was allowed to, I honestly think he would LOVE anime. He would be watching all the shitty 4kids and disney dubs and whatever else on adult swim. Tell me he wouldn't have fuckinf loved Naruto. I like to think that he had a TV in his room at Grimmauld place and everyone (golden trio, plus ginny, Fred, and George) all had a movie marathon of classic muggle movies, particularly rom coms, and newer ones, such as Mean Girls, The Notebook, 13 going on 30, etc. The Adults all felt bad for having Harry locked inside all summer so they went out and bought him shit so he wouldn't be so bored 😭😭

If Harry Potter had ever watched Death Note, he would've been obsessed with the idea and asked if it was possible to recreate irl with magic. I mean, Tom Riddle had basically done the opposite with his diary,,,

Ugh nerdy little 2000s Harry is my favorite version of him

[helltiervriska]

haii!!! im rlly interested in where you got the garments and parts for your kanaya cosplay. the outfit looks rlly good and ig im just looking for clothes like that so if you could point me in the direction of a shop that sells that kind of stuff thatd be great !! :D also ur rlly pretty and i love your cosplays theyre so cool !!

lmao so funny story.

outer satin top w symbol: hand sewn beads on butchered thrift store top. beads are from a broken bracelet my gramma gave me. had to chop the back up then pin it together with the safetypin-hairtie-safetypin manuver bcs it is maybe 10 sizestoo small

translucent black flowy top/skirt-like garment: bathing suit cover, pieces thrifted separately but from same source somehow

red top underneath: thrift store, butchered neckline. had to also pin this up in the back

red cross black velvet skirt: base thrifted, butchered/burnt/painted w fabric paint. birthday gift from my brother 3-4 years ago

rosary: thrifted, broken as fuck

cross earrings: crosses found on etsy, put on hoop earrings by me

silver hoops: thrifted a whole pack of them og from claires a while back. Score!

green large shiny decora earrings: thrifted

boots: 6yo clearance mens demonias, broke in the middle of this cosplay. had these bitches since i was 16!!!! 30$

corset: some cheap crap from amazon i got a few years back ill wear until i can afford an orchardcorset or it breaks entirely. cannot stress enough how much i do not reccomend wearing cheap corsets

contacts: i thiiink ifairy cara green. uniqso. tip: colored contacts absolutely make or break a cosplay. good to splurge on

makeup: everything green via eyeshadow/lipstick made by me. slowly in the process of formulating all my makeup bcs im very allergic to everything. black eyeliner is nyx, one pencil one felt tip. used on eyebrows/lips too. dont bother w lipliners/eyebrow products they r expensive and eyeliner/eyeshadow works perfectly well.

eyelashes: top were from local beauty supply, bottom lashes were like. wet n wild crap i got from a relative that i chopped up.

gray paint: mehron paradise, get it from the OG website if u dont need it quickly and want it a lil cheaper

fangs: cheap amazon bullshit. u can find fangs in bulk anywhere there no matter the seller theyre all from the same manufacturer so u always know ur getting cheap fucking crap

wig: CHEAP lace front from some beauty store clearance bin in DC, styled to hell and back

horns: made by meeee (model magic + modge podge/plaster outrecoat bcs model magic cracks like a bitch, i only use the low tier acrylics bcs who the fuck is gonna pay 20$ for a tube of something u can just layer a few times to get opaque)

armsocks: welovecolors (spraypainted w white cos i bought the dark gray instead if light gray like a dumbass, heavily abused). i highly reccomend welovecolors seamless armsock/seamless bodysuit line im trying to get their bodysuit at some point. expensive (45$ for the socks, 90$ for the bodysuit) but worth it bcos homemade armsocks rip stupid easily and id rather break my skull than paint my hands.

nails: cheap shit from sallys, painted w my mommas 10+ year old nail polish collection

i think thats it? yeah. its all cheap crap. all i can reccomend is find a local non-chain non-christianity based thrift store and go to town man . im not out here buying premade bullshit that i aint able to make myself! i dont ever spend a fortune on my cosplays. i find scarcity is key in innovation and creativity. use lots of safety pins. cheers.

oyea her wedding ring my nanna gave me when i was like. 12? it could be real onyx/gold but it could also be costume jcpennys shit. who knows

[cherienymphe]

Did you just finish the 2nd part?? If u have pls let us how you feel with the way the season ended

I didn't care for the self destructive rampage JJ had going on at all. Maybe its because I knew how his story ended and the drama bts that made that happen, but it didn't come off as authentic at all to me and so many times I lowkey was like you know what I'm ready for you to die 😭 with that being said though, as much as I joke, it actually doesn't sit right in my spirit that JJ isn't buried in his home. His resting place being all the way in the middle of Morocco and not like his backyard or something or hell even in the waters of North Carolina just isn't right

Speaking of Morocco the last two episodes reminded me how much I was obsessed with Morocco in high school

Very mixed about their reactions to JJ's death. The only one who seemed remotely sad was Kie and I'll write it off to shock or whatever but man I really hate when set drama impacts my fucking show 😭

There were so many moments where a Jiara kiss should've happened and I was expecting it (don't know why tbh bc they couldn't even get together to cuddle for one scene so why tf was I expecting kisses 😭) and it didn't happen and I was kind of just like ....oh I forgot y'all hate each other🧍🏾‍♀️

Topper was looking a little too good in part 2

Groff has to be the most annoying and useless character to ever grace this show. His entire purpose was to just send JJ spiraling and I guess to kill him which didn't even make sense bc he literally only did it bc he was pissed. He had the crown and could've walked away and was like mmm nah I think I'm going to kill my son for no reason

I already said it but while JJ is stupid, he certainly isn't as stupid as they made him in episodes 8-9. I get that they were trying to push this whole JJ is craving something from his biological father and chasing a life he was supposed to have bullshit but he's not that stupid. He was trusting Groff way too much and quite literally just doing shit he'd never do

Rafe picked out a lovely ring (I know it was his mom's but he could've easily bought some princess cut or something). Shame he kicked Sofia to the curb but she served her purpose for us. They'll never make me hate her though

Larissa and Luke 100% should've had an affair that resulted in JJ. Luke taking in a kid that's not even his just to abuse him literally makes 0 sense 😭

Always a pleasure to see Kelce up to anti pogue bullshit

Speaking of, probably unpopular, but I really just enjoy the pure unadulterated petty pogue vs kook antics. I'll take a season of that over them hunting treasure in some foreign land any day. Like yeah make John B and Topper fight fuck all this other stuff

Also enjoyed my Riara crumbs

Barry >>>>

Anywho, without a doubt the worst season but it made all of our Rafe headcanons canon (Rafe may be a killer but he's not a cheater, 100% not claiming you in front of his kook friends, kind of a mean bf, absolutely proposes with his mom's ring, does not want his girl working he's a provider baby, quick to lock that shit down, gets bossed around by his gf and his gf only) so a win is a win

[feronaville]

im deep down on megamassikalove's blog cc shopping n saw her participate in an ask game thingie n i wanna do it too even tho its like a year old LMAOO bc it looks fun n i rarely see them on my dash!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? old age ,, boring answer but i love my sims man they my babies fr any other death genuinely upsets me

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? maxis match altho i do sorta uhh maxis mix i think it's called sometimes, really i download whatever i like (mostly maxis match) i just want everything in simlish fr

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? i like when my sims gain weight bc that's how i get my body diversity but if their outfit doesnt have fat morph n i dont wanna change their outfit i do cheat it sometimessss but not very often

4. Do you use move objects? move objects is enabled in my game alwayss

5. Favorite mod? honestly im not sure! im def a big acr fan but that's just the first one that comes to mind, there's soooo many must haves imo!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? both sims 2 pets n sims 2 seasons! my auntie bought them for us, i got soooo excited about pets n lil ol me asked her, "woah can we get monkeys??" LMAOO

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? i pronounce it like aLIVE

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? REESE BULLARD!! he was in my very first bacc years ago, he had more personality than any of my other sims ever had he was so silly

9. Have you made a simself? i have! i made one in sims 2 back in like 2018 but she didnt look like me fr haha, i made one some years ago in sims 4 n she actually looked a lotttt like me but i have lost all her pics unfortunately. now i just have a sim in one of my current 'hoods that's named after me

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? dang if only i knew myself better fr ,, hmmmm ima say animal lover, loves the outdoors, artistic, childish, socially awkward. maybe

Which is your favorite EA hair color? hmm i don't think i have one? i'll just say red

Favorite EA hair? i don't see ea hair in my game fr anymore but as a kid i think my favorite one was meg i think

Favorite life stage? im not sure honestly! i might have to go with child, or adult idk tbh

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? i only started getting into building fr last year i think, building is a struggle for me but i really enjoy it! i think i'm def more of a gameplay person tho i just feel pretty restricted building for sims 2

Are you a CC creator? i am! pretty much just recolor things but i wanna try my hand at making terrains to share, and i'm slowly starting to upload lots n want to upload sims as well. i've made splash music and loading screens too, kinda wanna get back into doing that actually

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i consider @gir-sims to be my friend! yall should check out her bacc, its both on youtube n dreamwidth!

What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) the sims 2 is my favorite game in the world, been playing since i was like four/five!

Do you have any sims merch? i have a social bunny sweatshirt that i adore! i tried to google for it but it seems the shop is closed now, i got it from etsy by littleplumbobdesigns. i found this shirt it's the same design, except what i have is a pink sweatshirt with a pink social bunny!

Do you have a YouTube for sims? i do! i currently just have my port taylor bacc series on it, it's linked on my blog :^)

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i spent the first manyyyy years of simming without cc ,, idk how i did it man. i used to use alpha cc for sims 4 then i ended up switching to mostly maxis match! for sims 2 i switched hair systems twice (started with new hair system, then simgaroop, now it's mostly poppet v2). i can recall switching eye defaults too. that's all i can think of

What’s your Origin ID? i think it's behindthesea00 (my mom made me the account to buy me sims 4 for christmas) BUT i share that account with my younger sister. i dont think she plays sims anymore so idk if she still gets on it, i dont either tbh i dont need origin/ea play/whatever to play my game anymore YAY

Who’s your favorite CC creator? oh gosh there are soooo many!!

How long have you had a simblr? hmmmm i think i've had this one for 3-4 years? but it's been longer than that bc i have a sims 4 simblr that i completely abandoned as i no longer play sims 4, i havent played it since right before infants came out

How do you edit your pictures? for gameplay pics i just cropped them for the most part, occasionally adding a silly lil detail to it. i add woohoo heart to censor nudity when needed. for cc i honestly seem to just do whatever i feel like doing, lately i think i just take the pic, crop it, n add text to it

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? i only play sims 2 so no more packs for me! other than cc packs that our lovely community makes!

What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? for sims 2 hmmmm im honestly not sure, ahh this is a hard one! sims 2 has such great packs idk if i can choose! hmmmm def pets for sure n i really love open for business too

[nothing0fnothing]

Hey! So I have some lived experience in being poor and mentally ill I had to learn the hard way in my adulthood after growing up with abusive neglectful narcissistic parents. Maybe it will help someone else.

1. Instant pot. Crock pot. Rice cooker. You only need one, but all 3 are versatile, can use very little electricity to run, and are perfect to dump ingredients into and come back later to a healthy, cooked dinner.

You can research which is best for you by looking up "crock pot recipes" "rice cooker meals" to get a feel for what types of meals you can prepare in each and how it's purposes can best fit your cooking style.

2. Get your electronics secondhand. Phone companies make so much off of poor people bc they contract us into pay plans that mean that by the time our phones are needing replacing, we've paid for it 2 or more times over. Consider going Sim only and getting your phone secondhand.

Websites like backmarket and envirophone sell refurbished phones, tablets, laptops, smart watches, TVs, consoles, headphones, all sorts like new and for a fraction of the price point you'd usually get them at. I've not bought an electronic new since 2015 and the products I get refurbished last just as long as if I'd bought them new. Plus it's better for the environment. Even if I had money I don't think I'd go back to buying new honestly.

3. Static charger. If you're Autistic and can't sit still, like me you might be finding that the first thing to go on your electronics is your charge port. It's really annoying because it's not a cheap fix and I have had to replace phones early when they won't charge any more.

Last year my girlfriend and I got static chargers. It's an adapter that sits in your phone/tablets charger slot that magnetically connects to a universal charger. Its great for us because now everything rechargeable (phones/tablets, but also headphones, game controllers, keyboards/mouses) takes the same cable. It's really handy, but for me the best part is that the adapter doesn't move. So even if I'm fidgeting with my phone on charge it won't wear down the charger pins over time. We paid £20 for 3 and it's paid for itself because I've not had to take my phone for it's yearly fix since I got it.

4. Make a cozy space outside of bed. As a bedrotting girlie I know the allure of just saying "fuck it" and curling up in bed is so strong. I also know that when I do it for days at a time my sleep quality gets worse, my days blur together and my mental health gets so much worse. Especially if I'm working, watching TV, eating all my meals and doing my hobbies all from my bed.

One thing that helps me break up the bedrotting and at least helps me get some decent sleep so I might wake up feeling better tomorrow, is having a cozy spot that isn't in bed I can spend at least some of my day in.

For me, it's the couch in my living room. I've furnished it with pillows, blankets, and a little coffee table I can rest my stuff on so I can feel as comfy as I do in bed, but not actually be in bed most of the day. For You it could be a book nook, or a floor bed, or a desk with a chair in your bedroom.

5. Giant water bottle. This one is really simple. We need 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy and hydrated. Basically nobody depressed has the energy to fill up a glass of water 8 times a day. If you can get a water bottle that holds 2 litres (65oz) of water, now you only need to fill one drinking vessel once a day to be healthy and hydrated.

It's really simple and sill but it honestly saved my life. I buy those drink flavor packets because I drink more when it tastes nice. Is it as healthy as plain water? No. Is it healthier than no water? Yes. Easy peasy.

My bottle is from Meoky, its the 64oz stainless steel camping bottle with a flip straw I got for under £20. I like it because it keeps my water cold and I'd rather walk on hot coals than take a sip without a straw, but I've bought same size BPA free plastic bottles for like £3 and they have lasted me 2-3 years too so the budget options are absolutely worth it too.

6. Reconsider what's worth getting second hand. Generally when thinking about buying secondhand we mean clothes at the thrift, and that's great, but buying pre loved can be anything, and you can buy some high ticket items at an affordable price point that way.

If I ever want an appliance I always look second hand first. My rice cooker is secondhand and it is my favourite appliance. I've also bought a popcorn maker for a fraction of the price I'd buy it new, and I'm looking for a Kitchen Aid mixer for no more than a third the price they usually sell at. My vanity houses my shark air styler, I got it refurbished second hand and it was like new when I bought it. I use it every day and it still has so much wear in it.

Generally, the bigger and heavier something is, the closer to free you can get it, because the people getting rid of it just want it gone. If you ever need a washing machine or some furniture, look on gumtree or local no buy groups first. Type "free ___" followed by where you live into Google to get an idea whats available. If you're furnishing a space it's very likely you can get everything you need for the cost of the van you hired to collect it all.

7. Frozen vegetables. Fresh produce is getting more expensive and because we neurodivergent and mentally ill people can have a habit of letting fresh produce rot in the fridge, wasting money and making more mess to clean up, it's usually not worth it. The thing is, frozen produce is cheaper because it is picked in season, healther because it is frozen at optimum ripeness, and can be safely stored in your freezer for months, it's so worth doing.

They're usually pre-cut and can generally just be chucked into your dish frozen to defrost while cooking, making them easy and accessible. You can buy mixed vegetable packs (in the UK the most common is sweetcorn/peas/carrots and broccoli/cauliflower/) for some variety too, which I like to just dump a portion into soups or broths for some added vitamins.

8. Medication delivery. I've been medicated for mental illness for years, and a regular problem I used to have was I would neglect going to pick up my meds because I was depressed, then I'd run out and be unable to collect them because the lack of meds was making me more depressed.

Now however, I'm signed up with an online pharmacy. They processes my prescriptions exactly the same way any other pharmacy would and dispense them through the post in a box that fits through my letterbox. I never have to leave the house for meds again which is actually a lifesaver, the shipping is super cheap, like free for 3 day delivery and £2.99 for next day, and it's all processed through a super simple app that I only have to use like one a month when I request my refill.

It's so worth it and if you struggle to get out like me I absolutely recommend it. In the UK it's called Lloyd's Direct Pharmacy, but I'm sure it's a service you can find in other places of the world too.

9. Laundry separation is a lie. Which isn't a big deal for people who don't care about throwing money away on extra loads or people who have the spoons to faff around separating their clothes arbitrarily, but for poor neurodivergent people, it is.

So here's the thing, the rules of separating laundry by colour came about when clothes were made of all natural materials that would stick to each other when agitated and natural dyes that would run in water. Nowadays, clothes are made of synthetic or blended materials that can handle the friction of a modern machine and synthetic dyes that hold up to basically anything. 99% of clothes on the market, and therefore probably 99% of your wardrobe, is polycotton or some other poly-blend. So generally, everything you have can just all go in together on a warm wash.

Now, if you have woolen, linen or cashmere pieces, you should be separating them and following the care instructions on the label, but everything else, just shove it in mate, nothing bad will happen.

10. Protein powder. Protein powder is cheap, it's stored dry to it basically never goes bad, it's obviously protein so it's a really good addition to your diet, it tastes of whatever flavour you buy it in so it's a good meal substitute if you're depressed and your appetite is low, and it comes together really easily.

I usually get it in big tubs because they're cheaper per gram that way and I just add them to my coffee/hot chocolate for a boost or stir it into some Greek yogurt for a quick healthy snack. Thats actually my favourite way to get protein in because it's like 2 minutes and it covers up that sour taste yogurt has. I've also stirred it into milk for my cereal to varying success but it's good because the fat in the milk and the carbs and fortified vitamins in the cereal make it basically a meal. If I'm struggling for breakfast I usually add a scoop or two to an instant porridge pot and I have a ready to eat nutritional meal ready in the time it takes to boil the kettle.

[juicezone]

vent below sorry re: pet stuff also theres cursing srry

finally mustered up the courage to ask my parents abt effectively taking a loan out from them to pay for my cats potential vet bills so i WOULD be paying them back

basically ased at dinnerpotentially borrowing money from parents to pay for the ultra sound (abt 600 or so) bc they wanna do that b4 dealing w the teeth and i SPECIICALLY said i was just looking to borrow for the ultra sound okay i said NOTHING abt borrowing for the teeth

but i mentioned that she wanted to estimate high for the teeth bc the vet preferred to estimate high and hope to pull less but she didnt like saying "we only need to pull one" and end up needing to pull more mid surgery so i offhandedly said that "i didnt get an official estimate but my friend paid ab 2k so maybe 2-3k" AND AGAIN I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABT ASKIGN THEM TO HELP FOR THIS

andn my fcukcing dads response was "we can help w th ultrsound but ur not gonna like this if its gonna be that much for the teeth we should just put her down" like you fucking monster thats MY FUCKING CAT! I PAY FOR HER VET HER FOOD HER EVERYTHING

IM NOT GONNA PUT HER DOWN BC SHE NEEDS SOME DENTAL STUFF DONE YOU MONSTER ILL SURRENDER HER TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO CAN DO THAT FOR HER FIRST

i try to not ask him or mom for anything i already feel like a waste of space taking up freeloading space in this house while i go to school but they fucking help my brothers they bought a fucking purebred dog that was supposed to be a service dog for my brothers wife that they never trained so she's just a fucking regular dog AND MAYBE HE PAID THEM BACK BUT I DOUBT IT BC HE STILL NEEDS TO ASK THEM FOR RENT AND EXPENSES HELP (this is not judge my brother he works so hard and trieso hard his wife is a didfferent issue)

BUT I DONT TRY T ASK THEM FOR ANYTHING. AND WHEN I FINALY TRY TO HIS RESPONSE IS "KINDA BUT ALSO MAYBE JUST PUT UR FUCKING CAT DOWN" like SHUT UP ITS NOT UR FUCKING CAT!!

im fucking bawling my eyes out petting her bc i can t fucking imagine telling someone that. he couldve just said "we cant help w the teeth" and thats okay i wasnt expecting it!! hell he coulda said no to anything!! but he fucking susggestied putting my cat down instead she's only gfucking8 yrs old even

and to be clear my family is not bad off my dad is tech securityok im not sharing his finances but like he support a family friends housekeeping business. he fucking tips 50-100$ he+mom just gave a coworker of my moms money bc they lost their apartment to a fire

why fuckign cant i get ANYTHING wfrom him i fucking hate this man so much i hate him i hate him

im not looking for donations or anything im jus t so fucking upset that i finally reach out for some help from him when he helps everyone else and i get told "yeah but abt the other thing just fucimgn kill rur cat instead" just every time i give him a fucking fchance he just. ruins it

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

ooh something else i wanted to ask you if you have had any paranormal experiences or somethings you just couldnt explain? and do you believe people are genuinely mediums because surely if someone has to announce it then theyre kinda pushing it a bit to either get some revenue out of it or theyre just looking for attention or theyre trying to prove it to others because theres no other explanation for what they experience?

is it something like how if u believe in something then itll happen only bc u believe it? sort of like these "haunted dolls" fad i love the dolls im not so sure if i believe theyre haunted. i do love using my pendulum its fun when it works and gives me accurate results or when someone else has confirmed something for me and its been on point with what my question or what my suspicion was. but i do think that haunted dolls is quite a sellable trend however if u need like dozens of different instruments such as cat balls to get a response from said doll then i think its rather comical and the price some folk is selling them at is obscene and questionable too. i mean i buy the second hand ones cheaper bc a) i like them affordable and b) they dont come with an obnoxious backstory which im sure would be true to some extent and c) i might as well be classed as haunted at this point i have lots of emotional baggage anyway but i havent honestly experienced much more usual things. i mean i got a scratch once or twice one on me neck and one on me shoulder but again i couldve chlked it up to me scratching myself without realising. like sure ive seen something i like and thought oooh i love that doll/picture and so on so i buy it without even thinking oh maybe its got a spirit attached to it. so idk where so many folk is getting these stories from some peoples "haunted" dolls. i also think it has to happen spontaeniously too like u can use pendulum to get two different answers if u word them differently same with the pic i bought one vintage pic of a lovely victorian girl bc i saw it once and liked it then went back to buy it again i dont think its haunted at all, i just think i was drawn to it. not paranormal per se more like i was telling myself i should buy it, i dont regret it bc its a pretty picture and it was still reasonable too! so clarice now sits on my drawers next to my doll ruby c: plus ive seen some folk have bigger collections too. but this girl i think she may be exagerating her youtube videos bc shes seen the popularity of some other big youtubers who easily fake paranormal stuff for views. i do think some of it can be real but again how do they time it just to happen when theyre on queue for filming it? like those pranks folk did for views u had to know it was planned in advance for the video to be perceveied to be funny from the start

what do u think personally and have u ever im not skeptic but im not 100% believer of haunted dolls per se i just think theyre interesting to have or look at and u can get them super cheap too. i did buy one "haunted" doll but thats just bc i was drawn to the way it looked and i hadnt browsed enough to see if anyone was selling it any cheaper. i mean u can get a normal priced doll and it will look exactly the same as a typical "haunted" doll but it will be considerabley less than what other people was selling it for. my pendulum sometimes gives me mixed answers and im not quite sure in how im supposed to ask certain things without getting someone else to clarify it for me. i maybe doubt myself too much or think similarly about paranormal stuff ah it was just bc i wanted to experience smth spooky did it happen type of thing or its bc i wanted a certain answer that got a yes for that? am i overthinking it probably. pendulum is moderately more fun than tarot imo. i still think its a case of using ones own intuition / gut feeling though as well.

i do think theres likely a spirit hanging around me mums workplace bc they get all sorts of weird shit happening yet at the same time it is rather old anyway so its probably bound to have faulty lights and other things making noises when no one else is there. see what i mean? unless ive seen it myself or heard it myself i dont quite know what to believe but i do think tarot can be eerily accurate in some cases but it still comes from intuition and i guess vibes of the person u are reading on too?

Yes, I believe mediums are real, as I Tarot reader. You communicate with spirits/guides, so it is easier for me to believe in Mediums and being able to communicate with the dead.

I don't know anything about haunted dolls, but I believe anything can be true, so if you believe it, then believe it, or don't. There are things that cannot be explained, and I accept and embrace that. I am spiritual, so I am believer that nothing is real, just our perceptions create this reality. Science actually backs that up, look up Quantum mechanics/psychics. I mean Science can't even explain things about this world, like what is dark matter lol They know it is there but can't show you it. Anyway, what I am saying is not everything can be observed or understood to realize the validity of it.

It is true only your experience can verify something, so if you haven't experienced it, then to you it isn't real, but for someone who has experienced it will see it as real. It is all about your own lived experienced, but you can learn to open your mind to the possibilities of experiences happening for others, but you should also go with what you truly think, so if you believe it, then believe it, if not, don't.

Thank you for sharing your input. A lot to read, but as an avid reader. I don't mind reading these long nuance messages <333

[daisyjonesgf]

eddie and sweetheart angst thoughts rn, but the angst in question is eddie’s unrequited love for cami and the one time he slept with her in the show. we all know that cami shows up to a party and ends up sleeping with eddie after he ditchs the girl he was with for cami. atp its obvious where this is going. that ‘sure thing’ he left for cami is sweetheart, out of the two of them sweetheart would realize her feelings first and just quietly sit with her emotions, wishing he’d feel the same. this happens after she comes to terms with the fact that she’s in love with eddie fucking roundtree, and truth be told, she can’t help but act a bit sweeter, a little softer, kinder, in hopes that maybe he’ll feel the same. its one of the rare nights that don’t start off with them at each others throats, kinda toeing the line of enemies to lovers, and sweetheart’s thinkin’ that maybe tonight’s the night where everything changes (this girl is a hopeless romantic at heart, she’s a romance novel girlie), then cami shows up. eddie sees her but doesn’t immediately go to her, just glances in her direction often enough for sweetheart to take notice, for the rest of the time eddie’s with her, he’s silently debating if he should go up to cami. sweetheart can tell, its all over his face, he’s with her but thinkin’ of another girl, so when eddie makes up some lame excuse to leave she lets him, and maybe says something particularly mean (its up to u cuz i can’t decide for shit) then watches from afar till they eventually leave together. sweetheart goes home and writes a scathingly sad song about what a douche eddie is and from that point on has a wall up that eddie needs to work through when he gets his head out of his ass, and maybe she’s a little meaner from that point on too. its deserved.

-❤️‍🩹

poor sweetheart, she literally is so down bad for this man, and it's not just the hate fucking. who showed up at her door when she got injured and was out of work for a week? eddie. when some guy was being touchy feely with her at a bar despite her protests, who chewed the guy out? eddie. who once saw her walking downtown late at night by herself and gave her a ride home? eddie.

and she's supposed to hate him, she knows that, he hates her, but he doesn't actually seem like that bad of a guy. plus she's thinking about him all the damn time, literally looks out for him at parties (he does the same) and she slowly realizes it's because she loves him. even if he did nothing but bitch she'd want to be around him all the time.

slowly she has become a little softer, anything she says is less scathing and more of a joke or brushing off something he said, her touches are softer, they've definitely cuddled afterwards in her bed at least once, even give him a few admittances that his band's new single is pretty good.

but then that night happens where he fucks it all up. maybe he hadn't registered it yet but he has also been being sweeter with her, ofc all the actions stated earlier, but he also flirts on top of his usual asshole comments, and it isn't just rough every time they have angry sex, it gets a little more intimate, he praises her more, "feel so good, sweetheart." that kind of thing. this night isn't any different, he's been flirting on top of any hater behavior and sweetheart is thinking maybe he has realized too, he hand had even been on her knee, he'd bought her damn drink and then cami had shown up.

from the moment he first looks over sweetheart just knows and she's actually kind of heartbreaking bc she feels like all the sweet stuff has been in her head, that she's been letting this man who hates her and tells anyone who will listen how much her and her band suck, fuck her whenever he wants and acting like some kind of foreplay when maybe he's just a dick who's been getting his way. it makes her feel stupid and small.

"look, sweetheart, I saw someone I know, so I'm gonna go say hi, you have fun though." and he kind of pats her leg a little as he lifts his hand and stands up. and she is like oh. my. god.

she stands up too, "no, you have fun. have so much fun overcompensating for not being anyone's first choice, I mean I even heard he rerecords your bass lines after you leave." she smiles, takes another drink, "goodnight!" she's hollering as she leaves to float over to a group of people who do want to talk to her.

she also totally realizes that it's cami, and is like what the fuck when he leaves with her. sweetheart is seething and yes, writes a song when she gets home. there's a period where the angry sex stops bc she will not let him touch her, she feels used now, and he's so confused. when she finally will again any sweetness she was giving is gone, absolutely none of it, well an occasional slip up, but it starts being eddie trying to be sweeter now that she won't be as sweet to him.

and yeah every conversation she is so much meaner, she'd been holding back, but then she absolutely will not be holding back. or have any vulnerable moments with him that had slipped through the cracks before.

[pumpkinsy0]

Why are you watching me your posts are always relevant to my situation..

Anyway

Sylvia and Angela headcanons?

yea i actually watch everyone who interacts w me i place lil cameras on them, hope u dont mind!!

BUT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR AOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT HCS FOR THEM FOR THE LONGEST TIME WOOO LETS GO ONE ANGELA AND SYLVIA HCS POST COMING RIGHT UP🤵🏽‍♀️🍮

•angela sees sylvia as like the fun aunt or better yet, older sister, shes the only girl in her world and she doesnt have any girl friends and gere comes dally w sylvia

•it works bc sylvias always wanted a lil sister!!

•tim has an odd feeling about their relationship, he doesnt want sylvia around angela bc lord know what shes teaching the girl but i think tim understands that angel needs a female guidance somewhere, cause their mother sure as hell aint it

•curly actually doesnt mind, guaranteed he thinks its weird that its dallys on and off again gf so maybe he questions it a tad, cause like whag could they possibly have to say to each other, but who is he to judge, angelas alright so hes alright

•i keep forgetting that i hc sylvia as haitian too so let me make it clear that angela would find sylvia speaking kreyòl to her very comforting, its not the best bc she wasnt born in haiti but angela doesn't care, as long as sylvia keeps calling her “zanj” she’ll be fine

•a good chunk of angelas stuff is actually from sylvia, partially hand me downs, partially clothes she bought for her

•i think a lot of ppl judge them and thats a good reason of why they gravitate towards each other, nobody else rlly gets it but them

•ik they rant to each other about their love lives, or rlly just their lives in general, them shits is a MESS they need an outsiders perspective to tell them if theyre going crazy, and look as much as they love each other, they wont always tell the other what they wanna hear, theyre very upfront ppl

•however they would butt heads from time to time, as i said, theyre like sisters, its only natrual

•i truly cannot explain this to u, but them having a heart to heart kinda reminds me of its raining somewhere else from undertale

•when dally comes over w sylvia, sylvia is usually upstairs w angela until dally calls her down or is kicked out

•they kiss each others cheeks everytime they see each other

[ooglywooglies]

was thinking the other day at adhd initial consult that maybe i should have taken my GPs advice and gone for a general consult because while im pretty thoroughly convinced i do have adhd i very clearly also have other issues and when they were coming up in discussion i was sort of trying to brush them aside because they arent relevant

and tbf a lot of them werent, the doctor was asking me a bit about depression and the reasons i get depressed and why i stopped taking my antidepressants and stuff and theres 2 answers to all of that 1) my teenage bought of depression was due to stress from the vicious cycle of failing all my classes and getting stressed about it and having a harder time fixing my grades bc i was stressed and 2) my more recent depression is more than likely just because of gender dysphoria which im currently working on dealing with (i was trying to avoid bringing up the fact that im trans as much as possible for fear that itd interfere)

like i know its just ME so how trustworthy can i be about my own life but ive put together as of about a little over a year ago that i dont have "clinical depression" ive always just had very solvable life problems, one of them is gender dysphoria and one of them is executive dysfunction

[doegirldaydreamerarchived]

Diary entry #2 - 21/01/25

Okay so honestlt im writing this on the same day as the first one, so i might not do one for a few days so i dont burn myself out! (bc of my habit of getting obsessed and burning out in like a few days.) But i kinda already took notes about today so erm!! Youre all stuck w it! ᜊ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ᜊ

Giggling forreal onto the actual day. Firstly i jsut wanna say i had to actually decipher my notes like an archeologist or sumet bc i wrote them under the table without looking. Ok forreal anyways omg nevermind tumblr closed this when i minimised the app and said it didnt save and jumpscared me so hard.

ANYWAYS. Let me yap!! Even tho i kinda just wanna sleep rn but shshhh ill just be lazy tmr.

So firstly it was raining on like my first good hair day in a whilleee so.. just why </3 Also bc jan’s been such a blur i realised its my mums bday tmr and i didnt even realise and i feel actually a little evil.. like obvi bc i dont have a job theres not much i can do, but like.. idk. Ill make sure to wish her happy bday tho! Anyways me and my friend mostly talked abt my other friends really nasty now ex bf. Like they shouldve broken up AGESS ago for.. so so many reasons that are probably worse than u think. But at least it happened eventually!! And now i can talk abt him bc he was kinda weird icel. omg also absolutely fantasising abt my dvds bc todays the like due date for package!! Love that!!

Anyways now school.. so basically my friend mentioned he bought cinnamon buns bc he loves them and hes like ‘yeah u can have one as well’ but the dread kinda kicked in in first period. Bit of a rude reminder i do in fact have problems and sometimes they make stuff suck for no reason which is.. ew but ill manage. But on a better note i totally have a little hallway crush (outside of my atrocious fat raging normal crush). Basically shes in my history and when we were lining up she was like sorting her bag and she looked back and smiled at me and UGH shes so pretty!! I also told her her bag was unzipped and fixed it for her 😇😇 But also my usual massive headache started this period. Like one of my eyes was watering headache. But also it kinda relaxed when i put my glasses on si like.. is it straining my eyes?? Idk i js really need new glasses bc my old ones are really old and a little broken and omg i need to stop im starting to feel bad for them. Girly things. Anyways fr ill be getting new ones sometime soon so i can keep my others as spares!! Anyways we were still soing abt.. ykw from ww2 germany and we were talking abt how he treated the church and how a lot of minsters and like preists opposed him and like. It reminded me that stuff isnt always black and white and people who are in a group with a lot of bad people can be good yk? Like a lot of my friends have bad experiences with religion but not all religious people are bad ykwim? And lastly my friend accidentally buttdialed his gf (also my friend) and she heard someone saying goodmorning to me and me going ‘omg he actually said rhat??’ bc i was talking abt someone else giggle. Funsies.

Okayayays anyways now p2 which was english. As usual, my teachers an icon, and also i got to highlight one of my pages really cute and i wanted to take a pic but no phones ufufjjfjf.. what id give to like take pictures w my brain or sumet. Maybe those meta glasses would be cool if they werent violently invasive and chunky as hell. But anyways the Mz kid was like even louder than usual somehow but it didnt bother me bc i had a rlly weird dream w him in it?? Jusy in one part but like. Basically in the dream was saying something about ‘birthday’ and i thought he was being rude so i snapped at him n he looked sad. Then i went around looking for him but found two girls like boxing in some random changing room???? Anyways there was more but thats what stuck w me lol. So yeah i didnt really mind him that much today. Also when we were leaving i was like stuck near some girls who dont like me but like.. i wasnt stressing abt it i just didnt really care. Sooo.. character development idk giggle

Anwyyayss at break i ended up eating half of that cinnamon bun which like. Win bc it was nice and recovery stuff idk. Anyways one of my other friends (R) whos like never in school was in today and we just yapped and hung out for a little and ralked abt the whole bf thing and i loved it shes so sweeet!! But yeah otherwise it was chill asf and we just hung out and stuff!

Okok now third which was physics that also has a teacher i adore bc hes so funny. He made a joke abt like someone thinking he was talking to them bc of his lazy eye and being dramatic abt it and i was GIGGLINF. Also he had like a thermometer gun or whatever and he made an actual gun joke and it surprised me a little lol. Ofmmgm and he made a joke abt b.ngs bc of how many people do the plant where we live and hes an icon for that. Alsoso me and my friend were listening to music and do i wanna know started playing and i didnt even know he had it on his playlist and it was a massive win. Last thing promise, i was thinking abt getting like a mini notebook to write this stuff down in bc i wrote it on my hand but my pens r gel pens so it smudged really bad and i had to type it up anyways sooo.. better pens or mini notebook giggle. Andndn lastly bc yes!! I like stayed behind for a sec bc my friend was getting a reward and when we left my teacher like pointed at me and was like ‘u should speak up in lesson more!’ And fucjkckf hes so sweet. Maybe its my daddy issues idk but it was like.. rlly?? :((( hes just so nice i love him smsmmm!

Anyways then maths. My normal teacher wasnt in again which liks.. miss come back pls </3 and also some kids were like making fun of the annoying kid which like.. ur not any better than him dude.. but tbf one of those kids was a little funny after abt sumet else so.. idk doesnt make it right but makes me him a little less annoying. Anyways i got reminded i need to clear oht my bag bc all my stuff in it looks so cute together but its an actual mess so eventually ive gotta sort it sigh..

Aaand then lunch. Was inside again bc it was raining, and I mostly just yapped w R. She did have this really nice spray tho (one of the sol de janero ones) and im thinking abt getting one bc apparently they actually last and theyre really nice. Also some mean girls came up like opposite me but behind our group and sat in the one place we were told not to sit.. but its fine they got moved eventuallt and we didnt have to deal w them so. Yay! R left for the second half of lunch tho so it was just the normal group again and we just chilled.

Theeenn p5 which was chemistry. Honestly reallt not much happened, i was spaced asf. Weve been over the stuff were going over now so i could clock out a little giggle. I did yap to another friend otw out which we love.

Andndn finallt freedom omg. Ofc my first priority was coffee which honestly is always one of the best parts of my day. But firstly my dvds got delayed which was like.. the worst thing ever. Giggle fr tho i mostly just scrolled tumblr and stuff. And also sorted out my blog a little bc unfortunately im just a girl and i need everything to look perfect. I have revised some for my exam tho and i think im getting better at it. Still stupidly snappy but im working on it! Also i hate that i have to like look at my food before i eat it bro. Like if it looks weird i will be one unexpected texture from gagging and its just. I know the foods good let me eat in peace </3 But its fine bc ofc it acc was good and we love that!

Anyways yayaa thats it for this entry. Ive just gotta wash my hair then im going bed finalllyy!! And tbh if its anytime near what it is rn for me you should too tbh. Get ur beauty sleep angell!!

Rue, signing out 𓂃۶ৎ