#maybe it’s because the way I consume things is so character oriented that I don’t notice how horrific it can be bc I’m focused on emotions?

[sparklespectres]

I’ve always been under the impression that I dislike/stray away from horror because it’s too much for me, but like as I’ve been consuming more media and really trying to explore my interests as a writer/artist, I’ve come to the realization that I just have a really restricted definition of what horror is and most of the things I’m interested in would actually be considered horror-adjacent by most people?

Like I turned in a piece for a fiction writing workshop I was in for this past semester and when someone described my story they were like “yes this horror-ish story does blah blah blah…” and everyone nodded and agreed and I was like ??? I just thought it was a fun little story what do you mean the ending was suspenseful and scary

[woeismyhoe]

I'm gonna preface this by saying I have no problem with representation. I love queer stories, especially when they're organic and natural. I'm bi, and I've had fulfilling relationships with women as well as men. Honestly, I would love a spin-off on Brimsley and Reynolds. It didn't feel.....forced. the characters were new and their story grew organically. Michaela? No. I'm trying to articulate how I feel without sounding like I hate the queer community because I genuinely don't. I appreciated Benedict's story line even if it was a little jarring. He's exploring, experimenting and that's fine. It still doesn't take away from his story. But the introduction of Michaela felt like a guy punch. It felt wrong. I've never particularly like gender swapping in stories based on an original IP, because it changes a lot of dynamics. It changes a lot of story lines. And yes, it's fiction, but I'm sorry I cannot get over it, especially when it's such a blatant case of pandering. It makes me feel as if I'm wrong to question this change and I've somehow internalised homophobia. If so, then why wouldn't I hate other queer characters or be similarly uncomfortable?

Okay I think I can make my argument clear with an example. If anyone has seen the movie Love Lies Bleeding, I think they'll get it. The sexual orientation of the characters didn't matter. It felt right. And it was not important to the story. It was just an established dynamic and we could enjoy the plot easily. It wouldn't have mattered if it was a heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple, the story is largely unchanged. If Michael becomes Michaela, here's the issues I see. Who inherits Kilmartin. We've already established an estate will go to the next male heir if the current owner dies. A major part of Michael's story was his guilt over his inheritance and his imposter syndrome. His story arc taking his place in parliament. It's all gone. I mean, I know the show isn't interested in the plots other than the main character pairing but this felt so wrong. If they wanted a lesbian lead, the just make another show with original characters why force this? I'm not looking forward to Francescas season at all. I'm sure a lot of people will like it and that's their prerogative but for me, personally, the only thing keeping the story moving forward is Benedict. Maybe Eloise. But I feel like the story of the show has lost its charm and has dug itself into a hole like Disney or marvel

I’m going to try to be respectful as possible. As a lesbian, it’s deeply concerning and infuriating to me how so many people including ppl from the community have internalized misogyny and homophobia to queer women. Just because you support and don’t have an issue with queer male stories doesn’t mean you can’t be homophobic to queer female stories. Just because you’re bi doesn’t mean you can’t be homophobic. Why do you think majority of mlm stories are consumed by women? Why are the stories written and targeted towards women instead of the couple’s own community?

There’s an issue going on right now where many fans are okay and THRILLED with Benedict being bi and sleeping with a man, yet complaining about Francesca and Michaela— both have revealed that they have a potential to turn into queer stories. But no one’s batting an eye to Sophie being erased for Benedict’s potential gay partner. People are more okay with a lesbian Eloise than Francesca, and maybe because Eloise fits the stereotype more than Francesca. Why????

Maybe you need to reflect on why you’re feeling this way since you’re clearly favoring queer male stories over queer female stories. Why is a straight male character’s arc more important than a sapphic character who can go through the same arc and even MORE? Why are you okay with Benedict but not with Francesca? Why does Brimsley and Reynolds feel natural but Francesca and Michael is forced and pandering? Why is making sapphic representation pandering unless it’s based on stereotypes, but not gay representation?

This is Bridgerton. They made POCs part of the elites, it’s not historically accurate, the medicine and technology isn’t historically accurate. I see no reason why they won’t change the law at some point for it to be possible for a woman to inherit titles and estates. Even if they don’t go into that direction, I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more story to explore for a sapphic character.

There’s so many variants of Michael in other stories and media, he’s not special. But Michaela?? How many stories are there even in the mainstream media where we get a happy WLW couple that doesn’t end in tragedy? Literally 0. There’s no happy ending anywhere in popular media because Bury Your Gays is the default fate of every queer female story that gets even slightly popular. You say make a new show with sapphic characters yet 90% of the time they get cancelled after the first season and this is something we’ve been dealing with for decades and trying to call out.

So again, why is a straight couple’s story more important to you than a WLW couple who can offer a more unique, nuanced portrayal of yearning, desire, betrayal to one’s self, crisis of faith, even loss of identity and room to show politics in the Bridgerton world like how they did with Queen Charlotte— and make a bigger impact on how the public perceives queer women?

You’re uncomfortable with a queer female character changing what you know and are familiar with in the books— that she can’t possibly compare to what a male character can offer. It’s ironic how awfully similar that sounds to homophobes who can’t accept the existence of queer women in society because god forbid a woman can do what a man can for a woman, or even do better.

Don’t watch it if you don’t want to. The rest of us will feel valued and seen and enjoy it together when the season comes out while you distance yourself further from the sapphic community.

TLDR; Queerness makes the story richer than any straightness will.

[bengiyo]

So I’ve got some thoughts wracking around my brain and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Apologies ahead of time because this is long.

Some background: I’ve been watching BL for about 2 years, consuming content from BL fandom on Tumblr for about a year, and listened to you & Nini’s pod since it came out. So I know a big trend and exciting push is workplace BL and more adult BL characters and relationships. I think it’s really interesting that so many in the fandom favor this trend because I struggle with the presence of the typical BL tropes in stories with queer adults because I see many of the tropes as inherently childish I guess? I mean I think as we all watch BL we have to hold a suspension of disbelief watching two adolescent or fully grown men live out these silly tropes (e.g white towel bath, tripping and falling, etc. (we all know’em by now)). I think that’s why I typically lean toward high school and even college settings because it’s easier to imagine characters in that age range engaging with these types of tropes.

I think the same goes for certain genres too. For example: I had a hard time enjoying KinnPorsche because tonally it was hard to reconcile one scene of rampant violence/death and the next scene Kinn & Porsche walking in the park engaging in all the silly tropes. The romance orientation of BL (to me) does not mix well with Mafia or horror genres because the presence of these tropes create such a weird tonal shift throughout the narrative.

I think I primarily have this trouble with Thai BLs (maybe also Taiwan they just don’t produce nearly as many shows so less to compare) because 1) the specific campy thai style of acting and 2) the fact that Thai BLs pack so many of the same tropes in their shows.

Now all that being said: I’m loving Law of Attraction and I’ve been thinking a lot about why it works for me. So far I don’t think there have been nearly as many tropes as some shows but I also think the melodrama of it all helps too. I mean both Charn and Tinn are very archetypal and Charn is almost a caricature of the archetype. It’s ridiculous and highly entertaining and still works as a BL for me.

Ok all that being said (I’m sorry this is so long) specifically with workplace/adult Thai BL: I see it going one of two main ways to continue to work (for me at least) while they also try to explore different settings, genres, and stories. Either 1) LoA route where it’s very dramatic and the characters are more caricatures and it’s not to be taken too seriously (but it’s still fun and entertaining and has some good themes) or 2) they phase out a lot of the tropes and depict more realistic queer characters in adult relationships. If they go route #2 wouldn’t that just lead to inherently more queer shows? From what I understand many define BL by the inclusion of these tropes and centering the romance in the narrative but I just can’t see how these aspects can continue to exist in more adult oriented stories? Do you think new tropes will emerge in these “office BLs” that will make it continue to “feel” BL without it feeling queer? Don’t get me wrong I’m queer and I love that it seems to be going in that direction but I’m also interested in the history/origins of the Thai BL industry and how they will likely try to continue to please their original base (cis het women) with more mature stories and settings without losing the essence of BL and moving more toward queer shows. Would love to hear any and all your thoughts. I’m thinking so much more about these topics hearing you and Nini on the pod so thank you for fostering these conversations!!

There's a lot going on here, so I'm going to try to pull out some specific things to interrogate.

I know a big trend and exciting push is workplace BL and more adult BL characters and relationships. I think it’s really interesting that so many in the fandom favor this trend because I struggle with the presence of the typical BL tropes in stories with queer adults because I see many of the tropes as inherently childish I guess? I mean I think as we all watch BL we have to hold a suspension of disbelief watching two adolescent or fully grown men live out these silly tropes (e.g white towel bath, tripping and falling, etc. (we all know’em by now)). I think that’s why I typically lean toward high school and even college settings because it’s easier to imagine characters in that age range engaging with these types of tropes.

I'm entering my mid-30s. I'm a bit burnt out on the high school and college stuff. I also work in an office tower as part of a large bureacracy. You'd be surprised how much petty office drama looks like the same shit you dealt with in schools. I also like the notion that even adults can enjoy some of the silly first moments. I dont' like the idea that either we settle down with the first boy we met in high school or college or we just don't exist.

Also, there are lots of tropes entering BL from the genre-blending that I think some viewers just don't recognize. Part of why Korean BL is so important is because quite a few viewers are versed in the narrative structures and story beats of a typical kdrama, and their commentary has been interesting as we get more Korean offerings. I often find that people miss out on the cues in Japanese shows because they didn't grow up on Japanese media like I did.

For example, I was commenting to NiNi last night when we were recording for Tokyo in April is... that one of the things I like so much about second chance romance in BL is the different built-in presumptions compared to straight people. When straight people have a second chance, it's usually because one of them broke up with the other. The relationship ended because of their internal problems. In gay second chance, the relationship was often taken from them by homophobia. In Our Dating Sim, internalized homophobia made Wan run away. Same in Individual Circumstances or The Promise. In Tokyo in April is... the boys are separated by their parents. Their relationship ended against their own wills, so the reunion and second chance is different because of their queer context.

Re: KinnPorsche: The romance orientation of BL (to me) does not mix well with Mafia or horror genres because the presence of these tropes create such a weird tonal shift throughout the narrative.

I don't know. History3: Trapped exists. Tropes are storytelling tools built upon familiar beats that audiences recognize. The pinky touch doesn't belong to BL. It grew out of queer media as a way for boys to privately have a moment of intimacy. Tropes are not inherently good or bad. What matters is how they're used. Do they support the narrative and themes, or do they get in the way?

A lot of folks do not like the Blushing Maiden trope. I am variable. It matters how it's used. I think it makes sense for Pharm in Until We Meet Again. I think it makes some sense for Minato in Minato's Laundromat. I don't really like it in Heartstopper 2. Elle gets a Heel Pop in Heartstopper 2, and it's what she deserves!

As for a mafia story, putting a romance story in a crime drama often is used to ramp up the sense of tragedy because the romance can't succeed inside the rules of the crime world.

specifically with workplace/adult Thai BL: I see it going one of two main ways to continue to work (for me at least) while they also try to explore different settings, genres, and stories. Either 1) LoA route where it’s very dramatic and the characters are more caricatures and it’s not to be taken too seriously (but it’s still fun and entertaining and has some good themes) or 2) they phase out a lot of the tropes and depict more realistic queer characters in adult relationships.

I don't like binaries like this. If you had asked me at 15 when I started watching Degrassi and then sneaking around to watch other gay shit if we'd have what we call BL now, I would not have believed you.

As for Laws of Attraction, I don't know that calling the characters caricatures is accurate either. They're behaving under the surreal rules of a lakorn, a telenovela, or a soap opera. There are exaggerations in the characters, but they all make sense and are obeying the rules of their world.

As for the question about BL getting more gay, @absolutebl has covered this already. Audiences do not care about gay people. Some of the conventions of surreal BL or the bubble are why they signed up. People did not watch POSE, they do not watch stuff like For the Boys, I haven't seen anyone on Tumblr talk about Sort Of, we didn't get an explosion of new gay shit after Moonlight or Call Me By Your Name. All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us.

I think there is room for BL to genre blend and play with broader romance or dramatic themes, à la La Pluie or Moonlight Chicken. However, I'll remind you that folks don't always like that (see I Promised You The Moon).

I think the biggest thing to recognize is that, while BL does have some of its own tropes from origin yaoi or modern Thai BL, BL shares a lot of DNA with romance as a whole. Don't get lost in the sauce of the classification war. Watching BL to check off boxes about what's recognized or not as the primary goal feels like a distraction.

Besides, if you're enjoying Laws of Attraction, that show has done nothing new. It's literally just using familiar lakorn and romance beats. Humans have been telling stories for at least 20,000 years. It doesn't have to be new to be good. It just needs to be done well.

[hayatoseyepatch]

You are literally so fucking amazing, Sam! I’m proud of you for not only reaching 500 followers, but also for being the spectacular, sweet, funny and kind person you are ❤️ I know you put in so much time and care into your writing and that’s evident in the quality you put out bb!

Pronouns: She/Her

Personality: I’m a relatively bubbly person! I love to make others laugh and enjoy laughing myself. I’m supportive of those I love and have been told I have the personality of a Kindergarten teacher from friends because I’m always pumping people up 🥲 I’m a cross between an introvert and an extrovert but lean more extrovert as I can strike up a conversation with anyone and don’t mind being personable/putting myself out there (I just NEED time to recharge my battery). I’m super sensitive to my emotions and the emotions of others around me; I feel best when those I love feel their best and will go through great lengths to make sure they have a smile on their face. If we’re being honest, I’m a chronic people pleaser (working on it!).

Hobbies: Horror Movies, Rock/Metal Concerts, Naps, Good Food, Finding the Joy in Things

Fandoms: Wind Breaker + Demon Slayer

Fave Tropes: “X Fell Hard, But Y Fell Harder” “Stuck in a Confined Space With Each Other” “All-Consuming Love 🤡🤡” Is the last one a trope? I’m saying that it is haha

What’s My Type: I feel like my type has changed so much especially since I’ve experienced so many new life events? But I think it all comes down to: strong personality, hero/justice oriented type, loud, strong (strength-wise). Looks matter to me in characters, sure, but the characters that have stuck with me are the characters with the loudest ideals, personalities and mouths (does this sound like me, Sam? It’s so hard to analyze yourself, you know?) Idk maybe conviction is sexy to me????

Favorites: looooool you know who my faves are but I never get tired of sharing: Haruka Sakura, Kyojuro Rengoku, Obanai Iguro. But I will NOT be upset if you don’t pair me with anyone from this list in fact I welcome whatever feels most right to YOU in matching, Sam 🫶

ICKS: God, yes. Fuck Akaza with my ENTIRE chest. Like I will CRY! I don’t mind anyone else otherwise.

Love you bb! You are KILLING it!

-Eevees-Hobbies

Here we are back on the Eevee makes Sam cry chronicles, thank you so much for your kind words I literally adore you more than anything. Funny thing, I was literally scrolling and did you know you were like my second-ever mutual when I made this blog back in June? I literally lucked out so hard fr and now you’re stuck with me for the rest of your days, funny how that works. Okay, I’m rambling, ilysm bb, onto your match up. You're a mutual who asked for two so that’s what you shall get baby!!

First I match you up with KYOJURO RENGOKU from Demon Slayer!

⤜♡→ Okay you knew this was coming, I knew this was coming, we all knew this was coming. I can't be here holding a match-up event and not pay tribute to my favorite married couple. You guys are SOULMATES in my eyes, and Rengoku’s too. If you looked up devotion in an encyclopedia there you both are.

⤜♡→ Rengoku had fallen for you from the first moment he saw you smile, from the instance that your melodic laughter met his ears for the very first time. He swore in that moment he would dedicate his life to keeping that smile on your face and your laughter in the air.

⤜♡→ Lets be honest here Rengoku is a gorgeous man, however, what made you fall for him was his conviction. He has such a noble heart and is always willing to help out anyone in need. His heart had its way of calling out to yours and I think you were both hopeless from the start.

⤜♡→ If you are also a demon slayer, I believe it took a while for you both to get together, the nature of the profession puts your lives in danger at every turn. He definitely confessed while you both were on a mission. The two of you were forced to hide from a demon the both of you aiming to gather intel and well making out in a closet kind of just took precedence, oops.

The both of you laid in the grass, breaths coming in uneven as dawn finally broke over the horizon. The fight you had both been engaged in was long and arduous, dark red staining your uniforms, but luckily nothing life-threatening. But the fear of losing you sets a jolt of panic through Rengoku’s heart. Despite the both of you fighting side by side countless times this was the first time he feared for your lives. He was quiet, collecting your form delicately into his strong arms. His face buried in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, taking it in as if it was his lifeline. The realization that this could have been the last time he held you like this, he lets it consume his senses. His heart raced in his chest holding you in a vice-like grip as his vision blurred, he didn’t know what he would ever do if he lost you, and the idea alone had him making up his mind in that instant.

He pulled from you, only enough so he could look into your eyes, the same eyes he found himself lost in every day, the same eyes he wanted to look into with love and adoration for the rest of his life. His hands moved to cup your cheeks, pulling you in to capture your lips with his own. He poured ever last ounce of love he could possibly fit into the embrace. When he finally brought himself to pull from the kiss his eyes were lit with a fiery conviction, the words falling from his mouth as if it were as easy as breathing. As if every word he had ever said never meant as much to him as the ones he was about to speak. “Marry me.”

He sees the shock light on your features from the sudden nature of his words, but they were anything but spontaneous. He had thought countess times about marrying you, having a life with you, starting a family. He takes your hands in his eyes burning into your own. “I love you more than anything in this life. I could have lost you tonight, I cannot live another moment without you as my wife. I will love you until the moment I draw my last breath, I will find you in every lifetime to make you mine again. Please, my love, give me the pleasure of being your husband. Let me spend the rest of my days by your side.” When he was looking at you like that with his words setting your heart ablaze, how could you possibly say no?

Second up I match you with ME just kidding I guess or whtever.. but no its HAYATO SUO from Wind Breaker!

⤜♡→ Okay, hoe, before you come at me with your pitchfork and say I’m just trying to start with you on my Suo bs again HEAR ME OUT! I really do think you two are more compatible than you think you are. As someone who likes to think she knows you just a wee bit from being up your ass everyday, I have an informed opinion.

⤜♡→ I think Suos care is often overlooked for the whole "mischievous cocky asshole” vibe, but he's so much more than that. We’re talking about the same man who took Nirei under his wing to teach him how to fight so he wouldn’t get hurt. The same man who protects him at every turn even if it leaves himself open. The man who went taint first kick to Endo for talking bad about Sakura. He is willing to do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about and would watch the world burn to keep you safe.

⤜♡→ CEO of shit-talking. I just imagine you both curled up in bed with one another, his fingers running up and down the column of your spine as he snorts at the way you were making fun of Tsugeura’s hair. The both of you constantly whispering to each other under your breaths while out and about not even trying to hide when you were talking about someone.

⤜♡→ I feel like you both get into so much mischief. Suo is more than aware of Sakura’s little crush on you and he is more than happy to tease him at every corner. Kissing you in front of him, pulling you into his lap, whispering the nastiest shit in your ear (conveniently forgetting he was in earshot). But he was a very generous man, he repays Sakura for all the teasing by letting him take a taste of you whenever he wants. Just because he’s such a good friend, yk?

⤜♡→ Come on babe, you're gonna look at me and say the sex isn’t on a whole other level? This man CRAVES you constantly. He will treat you like the most precious gem imaginable in the streets and take you home and fuck you like a whore. Aftercare is god tier though.

Suo hums, adjusting the water in the bath for the both of you, just how you like it. Adding in some Epsom salt to soothe your aching muscles from the strain put on them by such an intense session. Once the bath was drawn, he returns to the bedroom, eyes soft as he sees you lying against the sheets. Cupping your cheek as he presses a sweet kiss to your lips. “Come on my love let’s get you a nice warm bath to get you all cleaned up, then we can just lay in bed for the rest of the evening, how does that sound, hm?”

He collects you into his arms, carrying you to the bathroom, gently settling you both into the warm water. Careful not to let the water slosh around and get the floor wet. He pulls you against his chest arms settling around your midsection, holding you to him. His eyes closing in contentment as he enjoys the skin-to-skin contact he is receiving. Resting his nose into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent and enjoying this moment with you. “You did so good for me, my sweet baby, now let me take care of you, yeah?” He was always so gentle after, hands soothing over your sore muscles, gently washing you in the bath. Kisses pressed to every inch of your skin as he worships your body. Confessions of love and adoration murmured into your skin.

Once you were thoroughly cleaned and feeling the depths of his affection he would drain the tub, not letting you lift a finger as he dried you off. Rubbing lotion into your skin in a comforting gesture before getting you dressed in your night clothes. After getting ready for bed himself he climbs into the mattress next to you, collecting you into his arms once more. He smiles softly as you snuggle into him, pressing his lips against your forehead as he watches your eyes droop. "Good night my love, you've most certainly earned your rest." Suo may be an actual demon when fucking you, but he would never allow you to question that you are his world. He never thought he was capable of loving someone like this, and he would do everything in his power to keep you by his side.

[madraleen]

Genshin Impact - To the Stars Shining in the Depths Act III and Act IV Commentary (full spoilers)

-Finding a quiet place to read a book?! Not me relating to Paimon?!

-I love the Furina-Neuvillette interactions.

-FATHER IS HERE! FATHER ARLECCHINO IS HERE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

-Oh, the House of Hearth is in Fontaine? I wasn’t sure.

-”A personal relationship with the administrator” - NEUVILLETTE, WHAT! Hoyo, why you feeding us the good Wrio/Neuvi content like that

-No, I don’t want that cake, the Knave brought that cake, what are you up to, Monsieur Neuvillette?

-I also think spoilers are despicable, thank you Charlotte (*and I’m just realizing post-quests that in the end we never catch up with Charlotte??)

-I see. We are guilty of eating the cake. Neuvi, you little snek.

-Did Childe get teleported in the Abyss or something

-Wriothesleyyyy! Is he cat-oriented? Dog-oriented?

-Why is our baby Lyney in prison! Oh, he should be Arlecchino’s spy, yeah? We’re disrupting Wriothesley’s business so bad

-What Neuvillette and Wriothesley have to discuss is not for your ears, Paimon. Let them be.

-The rizz of Lyney to leave us a card, jeez.

-The two spies from the two sides, we really are star-crossed lovers, aren’t we, Lyney

-Oh, Lyney actually goes out of his way to tell us everything, good boy. Or he might be manipulating us, but you know what, eff it, I choose to trust Lyney and take him at face value.

-Lyney, your crush is showing.

-Sigewinne’s lil shoes tho.

-Childe, I love you, but investigating you is taking too long and I’m not interacting with any main characters and I’m starting to grumble

-Is Alexis’ VA Diluc’s VA…? They sound so similar (JP dub).

-How long has Childe been in prison???

-Lyney really said “We will not take advantage of my crush. Lynette! To the infirmary!”

-We are the Romeo and Juliet of Genshin, Lyney. Deny thy Father, Lyney.

-Traumatic flashbacks Lyney?? “This is not like what happened last time, the situation is different now”??? He is SUFFERING, omg LYNEY

-”A parents’ evening” hahaha

-Us to Siggie: “If you’re close with Neuvillette, why not learn a thing or two about virtue from him?” Wow, we’re going all out on protecting and standing up for the Lyney siblings, huh. Look at us go.

-FREMINET CONSUMED PRIMORDIAL SEAWATER??? HELP!

-Ah yes, patch 4.1, the “Lyney Has a Breakdown” patch.

-Wriothesley and Sigewinne are so unpredictable.

-”Lyney has finally begun to stop tensing the muscles on his face” ??? JUST HOW CLOSE ARE YOU WATCHING HIM, AETHER

-I love the siblings’ interactions, they’re so soft, and I love that we finally see more of them with Freminet. They are adorable.

-Why is Aether smiling when admitting we’ll tell our little Fatui friends everything, lmao.

-Wriothesley about to become his technical consultants’ best man.

-The siblings see us as familyyyy waaaaaahhhh :’))))

-I was like, what is Wriothesley gonna do, PUNCH the water? But yes, ofc, he’s cryo, he’s legit gonna punch the water.

-The Neuvillete-Wriothesley-Clorinde interactions are so interesting, they’re such a power group of people. Also they’re Levi, Erwin and Mikasa, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE! Also, I’m very happy we see more of Clorinde, and for some reason extra happy that she works with Wriothesley because it just makes sense, somehow. They seem to match so well.

-Furina Marie-Antoinette-coded huh

-Arclecchino is pyro? I mean, she’s not wrong with her questions at Furina. But see, this just makes me think even more that Furina DOES have a plan… but not this Furina. That she split parts of herself… for reasons. And they’re somewhere. Including in the Oratrice. And she’ll become Furina-Furina again in the next Archon Quest. Maybe she even used part of her to make Neuvillette into who he is, idk.

-Are we seriously reassuring the Knave that Lyney et al are good little Fatui? We’re so fond of them.

-Oh? Father(-in-law) knows I’m close to her son?

-Dude, it’s so cool speaking so civilly and openly with Arlecchino, especially after dealing with Dottore and Scaramouche.

-I would also be happy to cooperate with you, Arlecchino, I really would! Even Aether’s not reacting negatively, he’s not outright rejecting it.

-It wouldn’t be a Neuvillette patch without some Water Dragon tears.

-We are actually asking if he’s the Dragon!!

-And he just outright said yes?!?! WHAT! Refreshing.

-Ooooh, such interesting lore! Dragons are weaker now because part of their power is the basis of the Archons’ Authorities!

-Freminet hang-out when

-Lyney’s like, “YAAAAY, Father approves of my crush! My crush didn’t immediately clash with Father! YAAAY!”

-I love the way our relationship with the siblings is evolving

-90% of the people we’ve met in Fontaine: “This is normal human behavior, right? I’m doing it right, right?”

-Wriothesley and Neuvillette trying to flirt will be like, “Wanna bring the water… And I’ll bring the tea… And have a tea-making session…”

-AAAHH, I can’t wait for Act V, it’ll be probably be the finale, right?

[babyleostuff]

the anime issue is being brought up now because someone was trying to call out another idol for watching it (this case was also a little old). Now every idol who’s ever mentioned it is being dragged into the conversation. The original call-out might have just been a random shot by the type of people always out to cancel idols. This one just happened to gain traction now

Made in Abyss was extremely popular and well-acclaimed for its plot, characters, and world-building when it was released. I’m not surprised multiple idols have seen and mentioned it. The story is a gory horror fantasy, that does edgy things to be shocking and sensational. It’s a medium where you’re often ignoring distasteful or immature jokes, caricature, tropes, etc as embellishments to an otherwise interesting story. You might become desensitized and overlook things you would be more alarmed by if you thought of it in a real world context.

I will say that the manga is by far the worst offender, the anime is cleaned up a little, and the Korean adaptation might be sanitized even more. I understand people’s complaints because the disturbing themes still aren’t exactly hidden, but I don’t know if I expect a casual watcher to be watching with a critical mindset. Sometimes someone’s just watching a popular anime without thinking that deeply about it.

The major complaints were the youth of the main characters and gratuitous nudity, body fluids and functions, torture, gore, etc. Maybe it’s jarring and horrifying to make you feel uncomfortable on purpose. But it’s frequent, often unnecessary for the plot, and a lot of it’s presented in sexualized depictions even if it’s completely not sexual within the story itself. A lot of people also question the author’s…interest and love of children.

So we’re battling a few moral dilemmas when engaging with this story. Separation of the artist from the art. Does the media one consumes reflect their values? Expectation of idols to be morally superior. And then some of the outrage sounds like rhetoric used leading up to literary (and fanfiction) purges, and you get to the slippery slope of censorship and banned writing.

I’m trying to present a little of both sides. Yes I hope people are able to look at stories like this and be critical of the pedophilic framing. I don’t want to normalize or imply support for the author, inclusion of these story tropes, or anyone interested in them in that way by promoting such works. But also people will write disturbing stuff and it’s up to you to police your intake.

Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, The Office, Friends, Brooklyn 99, Disney princess movies, Ghibli, Hunter x Hunter, SpongeBob - many popular stories and franchises contain problematic elements under scrutiny. For many issues, people don’t assume reading or watching it means you engage or support it (think stories involving mafia or gang violence, domestic violence, war, cannibalism, murder, even incest). Topics like sexual orientation, gender, and sexualizing minors seem to be the ones that frequently spark the most heated responses and threats of censorship.

That’s my long spiel on this topic. I don’t want to dismiss the concerns, because I do hope people are critical of the media they consume and recommend. Sometimes, that’s being able to parse through the good and the bad of a story and be aware of it. There aren’t completely unproblematic and unbiased stories just like there aren’t perfect artists, writers, and idols.

I’m not sure this will be directly addressed by any idols. Others have liked controversial stories, animes, characters, and people before and I think they usually just let it pass quietly. I imagine if they engaged with it as just a harmless piece of entertainment- they’re not going to think much more of it. Maybe idols will know not to mention it in the future

oh my, you’re so well spoken 👁️👄👁️

thank you so much though, this truly makes more sense to me now

[empress-hancock]

Thoughts on the Yamato trans headcanon?

I don’t think Yamato is actually trans for a few reasons. Yamato’s exact words were “Oden was a man so I’m a man.” It feels more like Yamato is taking on the mantle of Oden, and I think this is for two main reasons (both of which are tied to Kaido).

The first reason is that Yamato resents Kaido (rightfully so because he was a shit father). Adopting the persona of his old rival seems like an excellent way to spite him, not only because his child is emulating his enemy, but also because, to stand against him having taken on the persona of a man he killed is a powerful statement. It says to him that he may have killed Oden, but not his legacy. Not his ideals. Not his hope and strength. Those things live on in the people who idolized him, and those things will be Kaido’s undoing.

The second reason is that I think Yamato is holding on a bit to the desire to be loved by a father, even if realistically he is a piece of shit. This is something we see in several other characters (most notably Sanji & Usopp). Yamato felt ignored and discarded because Kaido was not a caring father. His ambitions consumed him. Oden, however, was someone he paid attention to, even if it was in a negative way. Maybe Yamato feels that by donning the persona of a man her father focused so much on, she will be afforded the same attention, she will be noticed.

There’s a couple other things that make me feel like Yamato is not trans that are less story oriented though.

The first one is that Eichiiro Oda is… well… he is him. He is not someone I expect to put good gay/trans representation in his media. He can barely do the women justice (when he does it’s actually really good, but it isn’t often). He’s very good at handling real world allegories and critiquing social issues, but I doubt he’s too eager to write any decent lgbt rep. I also find it super weird that people who were whining about how transphobic he is for writing the okamas (who weren’t even trans by the way. They’re an actual group that lives in parts of East Asia and they’re often violent and predatory, apparently) are now believing he would write actual trans characters.

The second thing is that, of the official figurines, Yamato has a figure that is categorized under the “Grandline Ladies” line of figures

[sitcom-thoughts]

Hello I’m back!

I watched this weeks episode (ep 6) a day late BUT here’s my thoughts

Spoilers for Only Murders, Murder on the Orient Express, and Knives Out under the cut:

I still think Loretta did it, she wasn’t in this ep and nothing so far has pointed away from her. BUUUUT in saying that, this would be the third time this show has had a love interest for one of the main characters be suspicious or the murderer.

Season 1 it was Charles’ love interest, season 2 Mabel’s love interest was sus (not the murderer but not pure in intentions if I remember correctly). Having the exact same trope in season 3 but with Oliver would be so goddamn annoying, I want my expectations to be subverted, that’s what mystery is all about.

Murder on the Orient Express I feel is a good example of subverting expectations when it comes to murder mystery. Poirot spends the entire time looking for one or maybe two murderers. This makes him confused for a vast majority of the time as no one is as they seem, all of them seem to have an alibi and so on and so forth. And idk if anyone else felt the same but it subverted my expectations, every single murder mystery I have consumed has had one killer (sometimes two) and so I never considered it would’ve been every one on the train that did it. The ending surprised me, and looking back at all the evidence provided, it made sense.

Knives Out is similar in that the murderer subverted your expectations because it was someone who got nothing out of the death of the victim except making /other/ people suffer. Ransom wanted the family to suffer the way he did in finding out no one was getting anything from Harlon’s will. Blanc was looking for someone with something to gain from the murder when he should’ve been looking at someone who was wronged and just wanted revenge.

If Only Murders makes Loretta the killer, whilst I’ll be proud of myself for solving it, I’ll be annoyed. We’re only three seasons into a murder mystery show, 10 episodes a season, and it’s becoming predictable. I hope to god Kimber or someone else is the killer, I hope Ben simply fell down the elevator shaft and someone tried to catch/stop him but couldn’t. I hope that it’s more than one person (even Loretta and someone else).

Also I feel like they’re setting up for this to be the last season and I kinda hope it is because the show runners found a magical little thing and as much as I love a murder mystery I don’t want them to suck the concept dry (for lack of a better phrase)

i'm trying to "solve" this season of only murders in the building!

tag is #taylor watches omitb

Only Murders in the Building spoilers for all seasons below the cut! (current as of season 3, episode 5)

i had a week where i did a bunch of research on how murder mysteries are written so now i feel qualified to try and solve this season before the final episode (even tho i'm not qualified at all)

my main suspect atm after watching episode 5 is Loretta, and i'm also sus of Dickie (but we haven't really had enough info about him yet). I've honestly been sus of Loretta for a few episodes now and the evidence keeps building.

I've obviously ruled out Joy (i ruled her out pretty quickly as having another one of Charles' partners be the killer would be a bit tired), as well as Bobo and Ty. Tobert I'm like 99% sure is okay because they've also done the 'mabel's love interest is sus' storyline.

I'm on the fence about Kimber, she doesn't really seem to have a strong enough motive or connection. The hanky thing was resolved and we learned more about her and her business in a previous episode. The only thing I can think is if she needed Ben's sponsorship because her beauty line is failing, so his endorsement would boost her brand. He then refused to do it, she killed him so that the play would get a bunch of press and thus give her beauty brand advertising through the tragedy. That still doesn't feel like a suuuper strong motive but I'm not completely ruling it out at this time.

Maybe Loretta and Kimber worked together to kill Ben??

right now the most solid theory i have is that during the footage where it seems Ben is talking to someone in his dressing room i don't think he's actually talking to anyone, my theory is that he's talking to a plate of cookies that weren't supposed to be there. Someone has put the cookies in there and poisoned them knowing Ben isn't able to resist eating them (as we were shown in ep 1).

anyways, i think that's all my thoughts for now, it's almost 11:30pm so i gotta sleep

[mithliya]

Hey so I really wanted to know your thoughts on SAM (the split attraction model). Before I discovered what comphet was and read about it, I identified as bisexual or bi-ace . . . Only to realize now that I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to women and only women, and that I was only ever truly “asexual” toward men. Yet, I have also had crushes on boys in the past. Most if not all of my TV crushes were male, and some do my strongest infatuations in my preteen and teen years were boys. I found them aesthetically attractive and wanted to be near them, until they actually got near me and then not so much. I have a suspicion that I liked the attention and validation and also just liked their nice faces, but I remember my first crush had me begging God on my knees to make the boy marry me. Yet when there was opportunity to so much as kiss him I was appalled. I also wonder if the reason I liked fictional men more than women was because they were written better, and if I didn’t consider my deep, love for my female friends and consuming interest in them as romance because it didn’t feel the same and I was taught to disregard it as friendly—it didn’t feel fast or flighty, but deep and all-consuming, like I was being eaten alive from the inside. It was passion.

I don’t know, maybe I’m not used to seeing women as full people and hence found them less interesting as characters and sometimes even irl, kinda like black people (as an African I resented African stories and had no interest and felt no spark in seeing African characters. I realize I’m just not interested in caricatures.)

I don’t know. I’m very conflicted. I have a desire for attractive men, but never sexual, and not even romantic. Kinda like I want to take their faces in my hands and stare, or rub noses. Or touch their smiles. Mainly sensual, but romantic? Sexual? I don’t think so, no.

sorry for dumping this on you, answer at your own leisure and comfort

(but I am also waiting with bated breath because I have been spiraling for days now)

idk anon i really can’t say for sure and whatever i tell u may be false bc how ur currently processing and understanding ur feelings isnt necessarily objective and ultimately you’ll come to a clearer conclusion on ur own. but ive never had tv crushes on males or been attracted to actors or found male characters interesting or prayed to god for a specific guy to marry me (imagining myself married to a guy, as i knew was expected to me, made me deeply depressed and feel trapped but i didn’t know why), and i definitely don’t want to hold a man’s face and stare at it and touch noses (im ok w holding a close gay male friend’s face but i don’t think id want to look particularly long and def not put our faces so intimately close) sooo i don’t rly relate to the stuff you mentioned. honestly figuring out my sexuality was also quite difficult for me bc it required me to rly think back to as far back as my young childhood & that made me realise that from a young age it was clear that there was one group that i was innately attracted to but another group that i knew i should be attracted to & thus would interpret discomfort and anxiety as meaning i was attracted to them (despite ultimately having 0 interest in them). i hope u do figure it out sooner rather than later bc i know it can be distressing to be unsure and conflicted on ur sexuality n feelings 😭

as for SAM, im totally against it. our sexual libido isn’t our sexual orientation, it can vary over time or due to certain experiences or from medication etc. sexual orientation is sth else and romantic & sexual attraction r more or less the same things broken down into specific feelings and preferences. i never thought much about “sensual attraction” tho but i feel like if u aren’t attracted to men as in they don’t make u horny, ur not sexually interested in them, u don’t want to date them, u can find them aesthetically pleasing at most but that’s about it and u always felt this way then ur probably a lesbian. but the stuff u mentioned sounds like weak attraction to men so idk?

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

[breezeinmonochromenight]

I have some questions please. Do you feel there is queerbaiting in video games? I’ve heard of this happening in television shows but I’ve always been curious if it’s ever been found in games?

If so, do you know of any specific video games where you’ve seen or read about this happening? May I ask what are your thoughts on queerbaiting and do you think video game developers should or should not have this in there games? Thank you.

So like. Just so it’s out there: I only call something queerbaiting if it fits the actual definition: “a strategy by which the attention of queer viewers via hints, jokes, gestures, and symbolism suggesting a queer relationship between two characters, and then emphatically denying and laughing off the possibility”. While I think actual queerbaiting is fucking dumb, I don’t consider something like… a gay ship I like because they have good chemistry and the occasional dialogue that could be interpreted as flirty/romantic/etc. queerbaiting just because that ship doesn’t go on to become canon or whatever. Some people do and that shit’s fucking stupid too.

That being said, I personally can’t think of any particularly egregious examples in games that would be on par with like… whatever the fuck was going on with Supernatural off the top of my head, but yeah. I’m sure there’s probably some good examples and arguments to be made out there. Video games are still a medium with which to tell a story just like books or tv or movies — nothing makes their writing immune to queerbaiting.

I’ve personally had like… Snake and Otacon and BB and Kaz’s relationships brought up to me as examples of queerbaiting, but like. The former is simply never confirmed in game (but both VA’s have said they play those characters as if they’re in a relationship) and the latter can literally go on an optional date, among other things. But also like. If you’re playing something like fucking Metal Gear Solid of all things for the shipping and are unable to read between the lines — especially when there are already openly bisexual and gay characters/relationships — that’s on you tbh. Find a better way to consume media. Maybe try dating sims. Something.

Aside from MGS, though, I have seen arguments for queerbaiting in Persona 4 and Life is Strange in academic research papers, but I’ve yet to play any Persona game and have retained virtually nothing from the Life is Strange game(s?) I’ve played, so I can’t give you any kind of informed opinion there.

I think it gets even more complicated with video games because there is also an “your mileage may vary” aspect to them because of the interactivity — something other mediums don’t have. Like. Two people watching the same movie are ultimately getting the same information, but may interpret the interactions between two characters differently. Two people playing the same game could potentially lead to one of them seeing like… protagonist A’s relationship with party member/NPC B as queerbaiting, while the other didn’t even know party member/NPC B existed lol.

But yeah. Anyway. To be as transparent as possible in all of this, I should state that I’m generally not big on defining relationships (even irl) and actually prefer the ambiguity like 99% of the time with any ship I like — even m/f ones. Keeps me interested. So, admittedly, I don’t go poring over the games I play to find instances or queerbaiting. Tbh I find the overall hyperfocus on defining the sexual orientation of every character kind of fucking weird — like it’s a make-or-break personality trait in a character or something. Same goes their for relationships. You can’t normalize lgbtq+ characters in any media in the long run if you have to immediately put a spotlight on said character or their interactions with other characters because of it.

[babytaes]

Serenity

➳ 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢:  You run into an old friend on the way to pick up your delivery, who seems to be waiting for his pizza as well.

❥ 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: joshua x female reader

❥ 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: college au, fluff, slice of life

❥ 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 3K

➳ part of the song series

↳  I was hoping it'd be different when I saw you but it feels the same

Never changed   

I was certain I'd flushed you out my system

But you're printed in my DNA

Your head slammed onto the desk as a wave of exhaustion washed through you. Professors enjoy assigning all of this work and expect it to be completed promptly. Sadly, I'm not a genie who can just wish it away.

When you turned around to face your roommate, who seemed to be in the same situation as you, a low growl came from her throat. To see if she was awake, you threw a pen at her back.

Without even looking up a small moan struggled to come out as she turned to face you. 

As you stared at the disheveled state in front of you, a gasp echoed from your throat.

“Damn, you got it rough. Maybe more than me.”

She flung your pen back at you with a sly smile on her lips, dodging to the left as it hurled at your face. This was so out of character for both of you. Although both of you had great study habits in high school, junior year of college was beating your asses. Like kicking it.

You grunted as you walked over to your bed and plopped down to relieve some stress, grabbing the stray books and hurling them onto the floor

Seon-ah chuckled and twirled her pen in her chair as she examined your body, which was still but also very tense.

“Hey, how about we unwind for a while and maybe get a bite to eat? You know food will give us more energy and willpower to finish these last few class assignments. What do you say?"

She closed her eyes and crossed her fingers in an attempt to sway you. Fortunately, you just let her win today, as shown by your growling stomach. For most days, you wouldn't eat or take a rest until all of your work was completed. Was it beneficial to you? Perhaps not, but it did motivate you to complete the task quickly.

You propelled yourself up and toward your laptop, raising a fist in the air.

“What a great idea, Seon-ah; how about some pizza? I'll pay for it.”

As a thank you, she squealed and jumped up and down in her chair, giving you spontaneous heart signals. 

You smiled as you rolled your eyes at her and turned your attention to the computer in front of you. It was almost as though you could taste it. The buttery fluffy crust melting in your mouth as the various spices and flavors swirl around inside. Anyway...

“I'm getting our usual Moe's pizza with pineapple and pepperoni. Will be in 15 minutes. Let the break time commence ”

Seon-ah spun around and looked at you with a worried expression on her face.

"This is not the Hunger Games, Y/N?”

You threw your pillow at her as she laughed and walked over to her side of the room, sitting down on the bed, resting her eyes.

“Wake me up when the food arrives; in the meantime, I'll get some beauty rest.”

You snickered as you returned your gaze to your phone, which you had started idly scrolling through on social media, silently saying.

“You could use it.”

“Hey, I heard that.”

Rather than waiting in your bed, you could wait near the door for easier access to the food. When you turned around and saw that Seon-ah was still sleeping, you decided to wake her up when you returned with the goodies.

You quickly gather your slides, key card, and phone, as well as a few dollars for the tip. Before heading down to the lobby to get your food, you double-checked to see if the door was locked.

You put your earbuds in and press play on your latest playlist, which included some of your favorite tracks. On the way to the downstairs lobby you did a little jig.

As you came off the stairwell, a pair of men's eyes fell on you. Not only were you dancing a little too good, but you never expected to see this person in a while. When you began walking over to him, he smiled and grinned as you quickly removed your earbuds.

“Hey there... Long time no see. I hope you didn't witness that."

He laughed and shook his head as he waved his hand at you.

“How are you doing? I saw some of it, sadly. Wonderful moves.”

It felt like your heart was racing faster than normal, something it didn't usually do unless you were taking a test. However, as you stared at him longer, things began to seep back into your heart.

You coughed and rubbed the back of your neck, trying to say something to ease the awkward tension in the air.

“So-”

“Wha-”

He laughed at you and extended his hand to you, signaling that you should begin.

“What brings you here, Joshua, at this fateful hour of ten o'clock?”

He sighed and cocked his head to the side, a habit you're never tired of seeing.

“Well, Jeonghan and I wanted to order pizza, and he agreed that I should wait downstairs for it. I think he just wanted to stay in the dorm, like a lazy ass.  

You chortled.

“You did always say he was some lazy bum, but I'm shocked you stuck with him this long.”

Joshua sighed as he remembered all of the times he spent with Jeonghan and his other friends, a time when you and he were never apart.

We're going to be late for orientation if you don't hurry up, Y/N.” You mentally flipped him off and dashed out of your dorm, trying to keep all of your things in your arms as you slammed the door shut.

“Josh, you should have given me another 5 minutes.”

“An extra five minutes would have put us late, and well we...., I can't afford that

“Oh shut up Hong, shall we bring up the Milk situation, or are you done?”

Joshua came to a complete stop and rolled his eyes at you as he waited for you to catch up to him. As you laughed, he softly shoved you.

“I thought I told you not to bring that up anymore, and Seungcheol texted me and told us to meet them at the square,” 

You laughed as you shook your head and grabbed Joshua's hand, pulling him towards the door.

“Well, we'd better get moving. Mr. 5 Minutes,” 

He looked up from his sullen expression when he saw you looking at him. He blushed when he realized you were here, rather than in his memories

“Well, before I tell you how I'm doing, tell me how you're doing. I believe we haven't talked since Freshman year. A time"

You coughed and tapped your leg quickly, avoiding Joshua's eyes as you crossed over to the chair on the other side of him and sat down to get a closer look at him while mentally preparing some responses.

“You're right; I'm not sure why I'm so jittery. It's not like we were best friends at one point in our lives.”

When you folded your hands and mentally slapped yourself, a hushed silence fell over you both.

As you started, a nervous chuckle escaped your mouth

“Anyway, remember when I told you a long time ago when I wanted to start my business. Well, Seon-ah and I we're planning to apply to the Startup Fund next week for more details. If you know someone who enjoys such things, please forward this message to them.”

Joshua turned his body to face you further and shook his head, watching as your hand movement flowed as you continued to speak about the business concept. It's as if you two reconnected on a more simple level.

You looked up to see him studying your hand movement patterns, which made you come to a halt while you folded your hands as you turned away from his eyes.

“I apologize for rambling; I just get too excited talking about this with someone other than Seon-ah.”

“No, it's all right. You can proceed; I missed this.”

A gulp ran down his throat as he coughed, signaling that he needed some water. He excused himself and walked a few feet away from the lobby to the water fountain.

Great going Josh

You stood there watching as he walked over to the water fountain, hearing some mumbling but not understanding what he was saying. Instead of focusing on him, you turned your attention to yourself.

Y/N, you’re acting like a fool. He is, well was your friend. It's complicated, you know Joshua.

When you remembered why you were here, you felt a wave of calm wash over you. The DAMN PIZZA. You leapt to your feet and quickly opened your phone, where you discovered a text message.

Food is Delivered.

You let out a squeal as you walked over to the door and checked to see if the Pizza car was still waiting for you. You walked over to the car, gleefully handing him the money and thanking him for the meal.

You swiped your card and walked in the entrance, oblivious to Joshua and preoccupied with the food you were about to consume. You noticed something out of the corner of your eye as you heard him say.

“Y/N, what happened to us?

As a single tear fell from your eyes, you came to a halt and sighed, trying to catch your breath. You brushed it away and slowly turned to Joshua, feeling down and disappointed that your pizza had to wait.

As you began to approach Joshua, you let out a long-awaited sigh. You and he were like best friends for a long time. You'd meet in your freshman year of college and clicked right away. He not only exhibited a gentleman's aura, but he was also very accommodating and polite when you first met him. Despite the fact that he had some noisy and strange friends, they added to the magic.

Although life seemed to be so fine and enjoyable for you, things soon became hectic.

It was the day before your class's annual retreat to Jeju Island, where all Sophomores attended. Unfortunately, your presentation lasted longer than anticipated, and you were forced to give it on the day they all left. You weren't upset because this was something you'd always wanted to do, and you could see the possibilities opening up if you succeeded.

For Joshua, though, this was a missed opportunity to tell you how he felt about your relationship. His heart was in the right place, but the wording was incorrect. You'd stopped by his dorm to borrow a few things before heading to class.

“Why don't you just miss this one and come along with us on this trip?” You're going to miss out on all the fun we're having.”

You scoffed when you turned around.

“You know I can't do that; this presentation is half of my grade, and it has the potential to greatly expand my business opportunities.”

He chuckled and rolled his eyes without pausing to reflect.

“Why waste your time."

You turned around, stunned at what he had just said, and stopped looking for a jacket.

"Excuse me, wasting my time. Unlike you, I am not well-off and do not come from a wealthy family. There are still people who still have to struggle for their goals. I apologize if this is a "waste of time," but this is a serious matter and a dream of mine. You know what, fuck you and your jacket. I'll ask Seon-ah."

You rolled your eyes and walked out the door, completely deaf to his summons.

“I didn't mean it that way; I merely-”

You came to a halt and yelled back at him.

“Why don’t you just enjoy this “once in a lifetime trip” without me, and when you come back just go on without your life. I guess my priorities and life are now meaningful enough for you."

As you ran to your dorm, you shed a tear as your heart was crushed. Your last ray of hope for each other was shattered. You couldn't love someone who didn't understand the importance of your dream

The rain began to fall as you rushed into your dorm hall, weeping. At the very least, you had faith in yourself, and that is all that matters. 

“If you're thinking about that incident, you should know that I didn't mean what I said at the time. That was a huge mistake on my part, and sophomore Joshua was a dick, and I really want to apologize for it. I didn't know how important this was to you until seeing it up close. I can see now how dedicated and enthusiastic you are about your business. And I genuinely want to say I am so sorry for the way I behave. That still doesn't help me understand why we didn't, you know, get back together as friends. 

As you quickly turned away from him, a tear spilled from your eye, which you quickly wiped away. You smiled and raised your eyes to him. His gaze was still drawn to your altered demeanor. That was one of his best qualities: he could always tell when you weren't feeling yourself.

“Hey, if it's too difficult for you to talk about, we can just forget about it and go our separate ways, if that what ”

You went on, waving your hand at him and taking a breath.

“Well, I can only tell you my side of the story; I have no idea why. I guess I didn't mean it when I told you to stay out of my life. I guess I got caught up in the midst of it all. Even though I nailed the presentation, I apologize for blowing up at you. I know you were trying to help me relax, but sophomore me mistook it for you trying to restrain me.”

As you began to choke up your words, your breath began to hitch in your throat. Joshua came up to you and put his hand on your shoulder, attempting to calm you down.

You leaped to your feet and backed away from him, wiping tears from your eyes, trying to catch your breath.

“Please-ee, just stop. Stop doing that .”

"Doing what Y/N, what is going on?"

“Why aren't you angry at me if, stop being so nice to me?"

As soon as you saw him move, you fell to your knees, weeping. He was embracing you and turning your head to see what was wrong quickly. You started spitting out words he couldn't understand. He kissed you instead of trying to learn.

“Wha-”

He cupped your face with his hands as you held on to his shirt for support. Something inside of you just exploded, and it felt as though your heart had been set free. You took a step back and realized he was tearing up. As you brushed away the stray tears. You gazed into his brown eyes as he cupped your hands and kissed them.

“I've always wanted to do that; forgive me for not asking first. 

“No, it's fine; in truth, that's something I've always wanted to do.”

He gasped as he processed what you had just said and looked up at you.

“Wait, don't say you had a thing for me.”

You chuckled as you brushed away the remaining tears with your sleeve and walked back to the coach section.

 “Yes, Joshua, literally half the campus has had a crush on Mr. Gentleman, although you are definitely the opposite sometimes. "

“Hey, don't try to ruin my reputation around here,” he said, laughing. “I am undoubtedly a gentleman.”

You rolled your eyes and chuckled at his expression for a few more minutes, just soaking up the newfound bond that had just re-emerged.

Before you could take your gaze away from him, he shook his head and found your staring eyes. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into another embrace. You had a big smile on your face the whole time, holding him tightly.

“So are we good, 'cause you were definitely into that kiss."

You slapped his chest and peered up from his chest.

“Yeah, we're good, friends again.” You extended your hand to him, and he enthusiastically shook it.

"Also I was thinking we can be more than friends."

You stopped breathing for a second and processed his request, you laughed and shoved him.

"You’ve gotta ask me out properly. I'm going to forget you said that and be more surprised when you ask again."

Joshua nodded his hand and went in for another hug. Your hand abruptly landed on his chest as you remembered.

“WAIT, OUR FOOD."

You turned around and dashed to the once-steamy box, only to find a cold but still warm pizza waiting for you. You peered at Joshua, who dashed out the door and returned with his dinner, smiling fondly at you.

“I forgot we came to get our food; I've got to get this to Seon-ah; she's probably awake and hungry.”

He grinned and walked up to you, kissing your forehead before taking your hand in his and directing you to take the lead. You laughed and blushed with embarrassment when he finally saw you in all your glory.

You hastily dragged him up the stairwell and toward your dorm. You were both awkwardly still, not wanting this moment to end. You lifted your head from your trembling hands and kissed his nose before waving goodbye and entering your room. You slid to the ground, pondering what the HELL just happened.

Joshua, on the other hand, pumped a fist in the air and headed back to his dorm, grinning from ear to ear!

You regained control and put the pizza down as you stepped forward to see a groggy Seon-ah waking up, rubbing her eyes, and yawning at you.

"Damn you took a long time, did they get our order wrong? You had better not eat without me."

You chuckled and pushed the box to the center of the table, taking a breath as you tried to process what had just happened.

“Oh, I've got something to tell you while you eat. You have no idea who I just ran into. Come closer, it's going to be a good one.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

➳ Navigate to the Maze

[kukuandkookie]

Sometimes I forget people aren’t used to consuming Chinese media like I am so they expect any bl to be explicit.

Like today someone referred to Childe and Zhongli as potential “queerbaiting” to me and I had to pause for a moment and consider this. I always take things in stride when it comes to what is called “queerbaiting” in Chinese media because we don’t know how strict censors are (sometimes bl seems mostly okay, sometimes it seems a little less okay, sometimes it seems okay as long as it’s not “anti-gov”... Oh, and the topic of censorship is a whole ‘nother complex discussion due to it happening because China rebuilt itself with all-new policies and was also westernized after suffering under colonization...).

Like I can’t objectively tell you if some of these series with bl are queerbaiting because it arguably challenges censors and in many ways, is entirely meant to be taken as canon—so is it really queerbaiting then?

Take Childe and Zhongli and their fenghuang chopsticks. That seems entirely intentional. A Chinese game using a traditional Chinese theme for an object exchanged between two men that represents unity, harmony, and marriage? That’s pretty much intentionally gay if you ask me, but maybe that is just me. 😆

But we all remember The Untamed and how Wangxian exchanged loving glances, touched each other constantly, basically got married (through symbolism of the forehead ribbon and the exchanging of chickens), calling each other a term that could mean either “life-long confidant” or “soulmate” and so on.

We never got a canonical scene where they kissed or said “I love you,” but we can see the intent there. We know what they’re saying. The same applies for the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. The manhua is more obvious about it, but they still cut a kiss scene... But since it appears it was still drawn, we can take that as it having still happened. And Mo Dao Zu Shi Q takes this further than the regular donghua too because the censors are more lax on them.

And yes. They are based on a bl novel, so it’s a little different from Genshin Impact, but if you consume as much Chinese media as me, you can usually tell when a team/author is intentionally using symbolism to suggest a canon couple, often with a traditional Chinese theme. Like why use the fenghuang theme? They really didn’t have to do that, but they did it. 👀

The animated movie Jiang Ziya used language that suggested Shen Gongbao and Jiang Ziya could be a couple, but it was never explicit. But hell, they basically adopt a daughter! I interpreted them as a couple but didn’t see it as fully intentional or canon until talking to a good friend of mine whose Chinese is better than mine. There were more hints and reasons to believe they cared about each other in that way, so we concluded it was way more obvious than we would’ve thought at first glance. And that’s kind of how China does it when the main focus of a story isn’t bl but there’s a potentially bl couple.

And even when there are censors, there have been a variety of ways Chinese media has skirted censors in the past. Like in Beryl and Sapphire, we get the “survivor’s cut” where things are censored and the “director’s cut” where things aren’t censored (so characters can hug, kiss, confess, cuddle, and so on). And Beryl and Sapphire, while originally designed by the author as two males, are designed so they can be in any story (bl or not) and were originally drawn in the comic as stick figures so you could imagine their gender as whatever you want (so they could even be girls’ love if you so desire!).

Or how in Spirit Pact the male leads kiss to give each other power or exchange vows but the manhua’s creator said it’s “not necessarily because they’re in love.” There was debate this is queerbaiting, but could the creator just be avoiding trouble with censors? The very fact the male leads kiss so much and care so much about one another suggests intent.

Now contrast that to Hualian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu donghua, where things are so obvious and it’s even gayer than the novel in some areas. People keep questioning how they got it past censors, and that makes me rethink how I view Chinese censors. However strict they truly are, Chinese media is very purposeful in how they depict bl couples.

So I don’t really think about whether something is queerbaiting or explicitly canon in Chinese media. I basically see something that can be read as bl through symbolism/language/metaphor and I see that as intentional. The creators are letting you choose how you want to read it, and you may never get the kiss you want, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t “canon.” There’s often intent behind it, and because of varying levels of censorship, I take the idea of “queerbaiting” in Chinese media with a grain of salt.

For example, Kaeya and Diluc use a term in Chinese very similar to sworn brothers, which can be romantic in Chinese. With modern day China, creators often use “sworn brotherhood” as a way to depict romance and skirt censors. And yes, I know the English translation labels them as two adopted brothers, which is also okay! But as I’ve confirmed with multiple native Chinese speakers, the original Chinese language used is not exactly family-oriented, and that can be viewed as intentional (that’s why you see some Chinese fans ship Diluc and Kaeya while the western fandom views it as incest). Language is complex! There’s no clean, clear-cut answer.

Bl is popular in China, but it’s not always the main focus of every series (you know, sometimes bl is the side couple). We could say You Shou Yan features an intentional bl couple with Sibuxiang x Tony/Tuye or Fei Ren Zai and All Saints Street feature the intent of potential bl with Yangjian x Guanyin and Nick x Lynn respectively; or Are You OK is bl even if the story doesn’t focus entirely on that but it does feature more than one bl couple; or Wo Jia Dashixiong Naozi You Keng is bl because it features guys crushing on other guys and sharing moments, even though the manhua isn’t about that bl romance explicitly; or see Nezha as having bl potential because of how it interprets the Nezha and Ao Bing relationship (to the point of even changing the depiction of the relationship between Ao Bing and Nezha from the 1979 animated movie to be more domestic rather than as enemies); or even say mihoyo’s other game, Honkai Impact, arguably intentionally features some girls’ love too.

https://youtu.be/vw-nx26xUQI

Maybe it’s just because I identify as ace and I don’t mind if there’s no signs of sex scenes and I’ve even grown accustomed to not seeing kisses. I love seeing other signs of love—like protecting your partner, being their sugar daddy, hanging out with them a lot, and all that jazz. If there’s a kiss, great! If not, that’s fine too because there are other things to suggest they’re canon.

So is Zhongli and Childe queerbaiting? I don’t personally think so. Those fenghuang chopsticks suggest marriage or at least harmony in unity, and marriage or “being together” can be seen as quite canon. Will they say it out loud? I guess not, but we have to acknowledge the context that it’s still from China and there are censors for them to deal with.

But if you don’t want Childe and Zhongli to be canon, that’s totally okay too! I mean...it is also a game, and games even more than media can be interpreted differently since every user’s experience differs.

Love is love—and that includes whether there’s a kiss or not, when the author/team intends it and lets you interpret it any which way, you can interpret their symbols as signs of how canon your two favourite characters are!

Oh, and as a finishing thought, here’s a list of donghua recommendations for anyone who wants to check some of these out! I include a lot of good donghua with pictures, descriptions, and links to where to watch. 🥰

[binniesthighs]

eehee here it is the long awaited results of my chaotic ass survey about our hornies it’s so long holy heck, but I have seperated it into a couple sections to make sense of it all (omg if you read all of it lemme give you a kith teehee) ahhhh lol its SO nerdy haha but i hope that ya enjoy nonetheless! ✨

In this essay, I will....(hahah jk jk this is just all for fun) 

1. Demographics Analysis 

2. Polls on Fic Content 

3. Member Specific Analysis 

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (Confessions) 

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion  

6.  Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle

*Unpopular opinions will be made into their own post to give them ample space and analysis!

Other Notes: 

Out of 100 individuals surveyed, 44 were readers, 2 were only writers, and 54 were both readers and writers. 

Statistical significance can be effected by sampling, selection, and response bias (yeah i took a stats class teehee) and personal biases 

All the the opinions and other analysis presented by me (Ro/binniesthighs) are purely my own oponion and are not factual. you are entitled to interpret all of this information however you like! Anything that i analyze is not definitive! 

while this survey is mostly about stay smutblr, i hope that it can also maybe serve as a template for other fandoms as well with the more general questions! this is a survey for everyone! 

i’d love to hear about what you think about anything presented in this analysis! feel free to send me an ask or comment! reposting is permitted within tumblr or on other platforms if proper credit is given! ❤️ (uwu hehe if you could please help me spread this i would appreciate it so much! i worked really hard on her 🥺) 

1. Demographics Analysis:

Gender Identities of those Surveyed 

~My thoughts: this really came as no surprise to me considering how the majority of kpop fans (especially boy group fans) identify as female! Seeing as I am a Stray Kids/Seventeen blog (both of them boy groups) it makes sense to me that my readers would mostly identify as female! 

Another important thing to note (from a writer standpoint at least) is the wide array of identities that we still have present within the general audience of stay smut blur (SSB)! I’ll get into this later when i discuss favorite pairings to read, however i think that this gives us one more reason to write for a diverse audience of readers who can identify with different types of self-insert fics! 

Top Five: 

Female (81%) 

Non-binary/gender non-conforming (13%) 

Changes by the day (6%) 

Male (4%) 

Demiboy/Demigirl (3%) 

Sexual Orientation of those Surveyed 

Other identities mentioned: 

????, unlabeled, aromatic bisexual, bicurious, demisexual, “just liking who i like”, experimenting, heteroflexible, sapiosexual, depends day by day, “i just like anyone” 

~My thoughts: okkkkk i see us gays of SSB 😏 these demographics were really exciting for me to see! i think that it’s super cool that we have such representation across the board when it comes to sexual orientations present in our community! As someone who personally identifies as pan, this was super comforting to see that there are so many others like me in this little space of the internet! I think it’s safe to say at least from my lil survey that all the bi cuties out here own SSB 💗💜💙

From a literal standpoint, it also makes sense to me that heterosexuality is strongly present as well considering that often the pairs that we read are male idol x female reader so this is the perfect niche! 

Top Five: 

Bisexual (40.8%) 

Heterosexual (26.5) 

Pansexual (17.3%) 

Queer (7.1%) 

Asexual (4.1%) 

Stay Creators!! 

~My thoughts: this one i was THRILLED at seeing oml hahaha and i was so interested to see that this was nearly an even split! 

I think that there’s something to be said about how sometimes we can take our hobbies: (movies, videogames, books, kpop, anime etc)--all things which we really like in totally normal and healthy ways but also kinda like....get hornies about them too? if that makes sense? for example, i have a friend who really likes certain video games/characters from these games as a fan and he’s shared with me that he also doesn’t mind watching porn containing those same characters! (ahahah ya all know what i mean don’t even lie haha) 

what this question proved to me as that there are stays out there who practice “being a stay/being a stay creator” who also are interested in the more...horny side of this hobby/interest 😂

what is even more interesting to me is who i wonder if i’ve  have consumed any of ya’ll’s content while you have consumed mine??? this i am DYING to know aha but it think its best for all of us to stay anonymous teehee ;) 

either way, good on ya for doing what ya do!! you are so so treasured in this community too!! <3 

2. Polls on Fic Content (a long section lol) 

Favorite Pairing to Read 

*other options selected were rankings of favorite pairings so i just added each of them as an entry to the respective category mentioned. 

Top Five: 

Idol x female reader (69%) 

Idol x gender neutral reader (19%) 

Idol x reader x Idol (poly r/ship) (14%) 

Idol x reader, Idol x reader (threesome, not much interaction between the two idols) (8%) 

~My thoughts: once again, this category was pretty self explanatory to me considering that the majority of readers are female identifying, so it would make sense that they would prefer to read smut that aligns with their identity! This is also super present anyway of SSB as i do feel like the majority of writing pieces that I do come along are idol x female reader, and most authors too often disclaim that they are the most comfortable writing this type of pairing as well. 

What’s signficant as well is the interest in reading fics with gender neutral reader self inserts as well! this is my personal philosophy when it comes to writing (specifically with requests) but i think that writing gn!reader is always the safest bet to go as to not make assumptions about readers! for writers i think that seeing this 19% is something important to take into consideration! 

An outlier to me with this demographic was the “poly r-ship” poll garnering a notable 14% in comparison to the idol x idol option which got 10 less votes (4%). what is a little confusing to me about this is how poly r/ships often (but not always) contain idol x idol content, however there is discrepancy with the amount of readers outright saying that they enjoy reading it alone. I’ll get into poly fics later with the unpopular opinions section--however i wanted to plant the seed here hehe. One other caveat to this is the fact that on SSB i feel like idol x idol content is really in the minority and is much more present on a platform like AO3 so this could be another explaination! 

What is kinda cute to me is the fact that readers do really like poly r-ship dynamics more than a threesome (as i defined it, “with less interaction”) so this makes me feel like we are all saps for the fluff that comes with poly r-ship fics ;) 

Favorite Kind of Smut to Read 

male idol smut (67%) 

i read both! (female and male idol smut) (25%) 

depends on my mood (7%) 

female idol smut (1%) 

~My thoughts: Again, this is super expected to me as well considering the above statistics. Since i am a skz blog (a boy group) --as are my moots-- it really makes sense that those who filled out this survey would be into male idol smut! 

what was cool for me to see as well was the number of readers who also read female idol smut as well as male idol smut! personally, i more predominately a fan of boy groups compared to the amount of girl group content that I consume (note: i do also consume gg content). because of this, i think that its really up to personal preferences and the content that you consume that can be reflective of the smut content that you consume as well and ya know, whoever gets your hornies going ;) 

Favorite Genres...Ranked! 

*so this was my fault lol i totally formatted this question poorly in google forms so i’ll try to summarize the most popular rankings with my words haha 

*bc of the way that i miffed it (lol) i wasn’t able to get exact measurements, but rough ones! 

Top Five: 

Smut, fluff, angst 

smut n’ fluff (with specific emphasis angst is not desired)  

smut, angst, fluff, 

fluff, smut, angst, 

angst, fluff, smut 

~My thoughts: by far, the most popular ranking that i saw was as follows: smut, fluff, angst. i saw this sososos many times haha also...ya’ll got really creative with your rankings and it made me giggle hehe. So! seeing as this is stay smutblr haha makes total sense that the three most popular rankings that we have were lead by smut! since we’re here for the hornies, i totally get this. 

as for the “smut n’ fluff” or “fluffy smut” category, there was a decent amount of readers that expressed that this mixture is their fave! i’m kinda looping this with the “mixture” option that i also provided for this question since this was the most popular mixture that i was able to observe along with angst + smut. interestingly, i saw a couple mentions of “hurt/comfort” fics with this question too so this went well with this preference. as for number three on this list, we dip into that smut + angst category that I just mentioned as well. there were several individuals who said that they really really enjoy reading smut with angst! 

lastly we get to the four and five on the list: four being fluff, smut and angst. i think this category can also properly represent the folx who tend to like more fluffy fics over the smutty ones, but that can also have suggestive themes too! in five, we have angst, fluff and smut which also is representative of another theme that i saw: as far as plot goes, several people mentioned that they liked fics that start with angst, get fluffier, and then end up in smut, so i think that this could be easily compared! 

*there were also several readers who simply said “all of them” or opted not to rank, (lol me) so this really shows the variability in results! 

Cute stuff ya’ll said (kind of out of context too LOL) 

“... hehE I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE.” 

“...I KNOW IT [my ranking] LOOKS TERRIBLY SPECIFIC AND IM SO SORRY and I guess the better way to describe that was one that has all 3 with a happy ending lol my b my b.” 

“ ...it just depends on the mood my dude.” 

“... (the smut doesn’t have to be soft i just want the relationship to be soft and i want aftercare and general affection).” 

“(but almost no angst oops)” 

“angst honestly makes me so sad.” 

“... but long fics with angst and slow burn smut/fluff is just WOW.” 

“ my favourite thing is when it's fluffy smut tbh with a little bit of angsty backstory. that is *chefs kiss*” 

“(I'm a sucker for good angsty fics but I cant seem to find them???)” 

“Smut, Fluff, Angst (I tend to be a bit of a purist so no mixture here).” 

“(i can't read pure angst lol) “ 

“(I love how much plot there is in angsty fics but I personally can't read anything without a happy ending, i just can't take it)” 

“ i literally couldn't rank them bc my mood is always changing lmaooo.” 

“ smut, fluff, angst. i know what i’m about.” 

Favorite Length of Fics 

Top Five: 

5k-8k words (27%) 

2k-4k words (25%) 

1k-2k words (20%) 

10k-20k words (15%) 

20k words (12%) 

~My thoughts: this one was super helpful for me to see!! and writers i hope that this is helpful for you too! as someone who tends to rambles (lol) it was very comforting for me to see that long-ish fics are actually preferred! what is really cool about this data too is that it is all super well balanced for the most part and nearly edqual in some parts! how i see this, i think that when it comes to preferences of length, its really reader specific so anyone could like anything! this goes into a little bit the slow burn question that i asked as well too, but it’s really cool to see that when readers do read, they kinda like something to sink their teeth into! 

i wanted to look into how long it takes you to read these words, and it appears that on average, a 5-8k fic can take someone 30 mins to read whereas a 2-4k fic takes about 15mins! idk if this says something about attention spans, but as a writer it warms my heart to know that you’re willing to spend 30 minutes of your time reading something that i wrote! 🥺

another thing i wanted to bring up is the “hard and fast” smut readers--those who like to get straight to the point, get right to business and to the juice! they are also a decently large group too! as for readers who like a nice long fic or a chaptered fic, they are super close in numbers! from this, it’s safe for me to assume that maybe those who like reading longer fics are more inclined to strap in for the long haul with chaptered fics too! 

Favorite AUs to Read 

*the top category that got cut off (thank you google forms lol) is friends to lovers! the one that says “...love” at 48% is enemies to lovers, and the one that has a blanked out title at 35% is strangers to lovers! 

Top Five: 

friends to lovers (65%) 

enemies to lovers (48%) 

high school/college au (40%) 

roommates/neighbors to lovers (38%) 

strangers to lovers (35%) 

Other AUs mentioned by you! 

office au, royal au, vampire au, fake date, idol au, slice of life, boarding school au, childhood friends, soulmate au 

~My thoughts: ok ok so this was RAD to see! i often wonder myself the kinds of aus that my readers would like to see so this was really helpful! circling back on how readers tend to favor fluff n’ smut (friends to lovers) and angst n’ smut (enemies to lovers) i think that we’re seeing some more themes here teehee. 

i like to think that since most of us are of the college age, the college au is super relatable therefore we really like to read it! not to mention that college and high school au’s are super duper cute as well! this is also relatable to the roommates/neighbors to lovers category which is also relatable to us who may or may not have experienced having a roommate or crush on the cutie next door ;) as a couple readers mentioned, they liked more “slice of life” au’s--which both of these categories fall into! i think we as readers like scenarios that feel the most real to us, bc they are the easiest to insert ourselves into :) 

fantasy and thriller, action, more “fiction” tropes are in the minority, however i think that this can be for the exact same reason as i mentioned above where readers like more relatable scenarios. 

Opinions on Slow Burn Fics 

~My thoughts: during polling of this category, this pie cart stayed basically the same the whole time!! that was pretty cute to see! the important take aways from this survey for me is the fact that slow burn fics are generally really loved! again, lol as someone who writes big ol’ long slow burn fics this made me feel a lot better hahaha basically, the general consensus is that slow burn fics are welcome most of the time, however some readers might need to invest a little more time into them! this is also very easily comparable to the above statistics on the length of fics preferred (longer ones being the ones more popular) so here’s a lil more supporting evidence! 

3. Member Specific Analysis 

Bias Survey 

Top Five: 

Chan (19%) 

Changbin (18%) 

Hyunjin (16%) 

Jisung (15%) 

Minho (14%) 

~My thoughts: ok ok ok so this is where it starts getting JUICY hehe (also i apologize once more for making you pick LOL) 

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if there was a correlation with biases and if there was a probability that members who had more people biasing them (or popularity I guess) were more likely to be read more in smut fics! AND I WAS RIGHT haha isn’t this so fkn cool??? (see more in the next section!) 

for comparison, i went to kprofiles to see their little survey on bias popularity and their top five. 

Kprofiles Top Five: 

Hyunjin (15%) 

Felix (14%) 

Chan (12%) 

Minho (11%) 

Jisung (11%) 

SO oh my god my nerd brain is loosing it over this REE so, what i should note that is those who took this survey on my blog are likely generally different based off of the fact that they are here to read smut specifically, rather than the general holistic popularity survey. It is for this reason that we see Felix much higher on this list and Changbin much lower too (as we know Felix is really well known generally and globally and there are *generally* fewer Bin biased fans). What was really interesting to see what that with Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho, they still all stayed within the top five! Soooo what i’m saying is.... all of you Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho fans really must like your smut 😏 and I think that it’s safe to assume that the majority of hard stans come from these four members too ooP (and of course our Binnie too! ;) i see all of ya’ll 👀) 

Members That Get Our Hornies Going 

~My thoughts: AHH DOESN’T THIS LOOK SO SATISFYING? I’M SO PROUD OF HER!!! 

First off, i would like to acknowledge the all mighty power of Bang Christopher Chan for pooling this most hornies god DAMN while i kind of expected this, it is also evidenced in the fics that i write! recently i’ve been tracking the number of notes that my Chan hard thoughts get in comparison to other members and the differences are usually ASTRONOMICAL. He is most def the most popular member for smut for several different reasons, lowkey bc i think that it’s kind of part of his brand?? hahaha if ya know what i mean? 

As for preference from Minho on, we can see a super obvious trend that as age order decreases, we get less and less interest for reading for the member. I’m fairly inclined to believe that this has to do with the fact that most often fans (especially fans older than skz) have a harder time seeing the younger members in a sexual way, so the lack of interest totally makes sense here! As referenced above too, we found that the oldest five members (Chan --> Jisung) are the favorites for smut reading which we can see here as well when the numbers really drop after Felix (Felix coming in at 6th place on my “popularity” survey). 

Bc of these statistics, i do really feel like as a reader, i tend to see much, much more fics involving our top five! As for Seungmin and Jeongin, I’ve also seen people state that they do not read or write content for these two members bc they do not feel as comfortable, so this can also explain the lack of content. Also as we have heard many times, Jeongin is a bit of a hot topic lol within the SSB community, so this makes sense that his readership would be low as well. 

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (aka confessions) 

Is the fact that you read smut a seggsy secret? 

~My thoughts: JUICE TIME JUICE TIME 

Before I say anything, i wanted to tell you all how all of the juicy questions were totally optional, but i got 100% participation for every single one of them which if find HILARIOUS i guess you all are just as curious as i am?? ;) 

So! for this question, we have an overwhelming amount of readers who said that only their closest friends know which is so cute to me! i love how we can trust our friends with this hehe. i also fall into this category bc like, it’s lowkey kinda fun to talk about? maybe also the fact that i run a smut acct makes me care a little less about it all hahah 

secondly, we have the rather large group of people who said that they wouldn’t dare to tell anyone which is also sooo cute haha idk how to explain it but this was the category that i started out in too until i found the right people! But i totally get ya, reading smut--especially-- kpop smut-- can be embarrassing or cringey to share (not to mention that it is somewhat morally grey LOL) so this is really understandable! 

also my fkn hats off to all of you who said that you didn’t care about who knows that you read smut. here, you dropped this: 👑 you’re much braver than i could ever be. 

When you read smut, do you really feel the hornies? 

~My thoughts: ok, so this one to me was also very interesting for me to see as well! (also if you get uncomfy reading about personal masturbation habits you can skip this one lol) 

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if people “get off” by reading smut (whether reading it turns you on, or if you choose to use it for “material” to get off on however this might look, might be more of a mental simulation without any real like, physical getting off) candidly, I use smut to get myself off every once and a while, so i wanted to see who else might be in the same group! since becoming a writer however, i read much less and reading it doesn’t hit the same when i was just a reader bc i have a different perspective of being the one writing the smut so i look at it more analytically--i digress. 

it was exciting (teehee get the pun?) for me to see that others also “get off” on smut too--and that they are the majority! teehee it is an honor for me to provide you with the hornies LOL. at the same time, we still have a large group in the “don’t take to seriously” category which was interesting to me too! i can’t speak for these readers, but i interpreted these kind of readers to be the kind who read smut to imagine the scenes and are like “hm, that’s hot, i like thinking about this.” but it doesn’t extend much outside of these thoughts. 

What is the most popular position pairing we like to read? 

*smaller slices of the pie represent multiple favorites which i also seperated back into the categories corresponding to get the best count into what was the most preferred. 

Actual Breakdown: 

dom!idol // sub!reader (51 votes) 

switch!idol // switch!reader (32 votes) 

subidol! // dom!reader (11 votes) 

all of the above (5 votes) 

depends on my mood (2 votes) 

~My thoughts: i feel as if there is a bit of a conflict between which position really is “the best” and while we really can’t know the answer to this question since everyone has different preferences, we can at least find out which one is the most popular to be consumed! 

again, going off of the content that I also see as a reader, i see TONS of dom!idol fics, like, left and right. also, if i may come for all of our necks, 👀 but...there’s really something to be said about the fact that the majority of readers are female and historically and socially, women are typically socialized to be submissive, so i can see why this would be why we would favor this among fics--this is even further evidenced by the fact that male idol smut is also preferred, thus further perpetuating the fact that women have been socialized to be submissive to men specifically. i’m not saying that this is the end all be all reason that this trend is present, but i merely offer it as a possible explaination. this is a much larger sociological conversation, but i think that this trend also showed itself in the types of smut that readers seek out as well--according to demographics. 

sub!idol fics are few and far in-between, and i think that this can also be for the exact same reason as i talked about above! 

When you read smut, do you pick faves to read for? 

~My thoughts: what’s cool about this question is the fact that the “half and half” nature of it also resembles what we saw in the section for favorite members to read! As we see in that chart, 41 out of 100 people said that they read everyone, similar to this question where 48 out of 100 people said that they read for everyone. What this proves to me once more is that when it comes for reading fics, there's a 50/50 chance that the reader will look at, and read it based off of who it is about alone. This is a really powerful statistic, meaning that the members who that a writer might write for really dictates their readership! At the same time, it’s super comforting to know that regardless of what you as a writer might write, there’s always someone out there who is willing to read it! (as evidenced by the 52% of people who read for anyone! this is still a large number) 

Readers: Do you only use Tumblr for smut? 

~My thoughts: when i first started out reading smut, i was in the “i just look up skz smut” group LOL so i wanted to see again if there was anyone like me--which there is! This was more of my interest in seeing if some people view tumblr as “their smut dealer” AHA so that my initial motivation. I was surprised to see that this is not the case! out of 100 readers, 39 of them have their own non-smut blogs and the second largest group of 26 people use tumblr for smut exclusively. 

idk why, but when thinking of this question, it really got me thinking back to the question where i asked if reading smut is a seggsy secret, and there was the group of people who said that it is for them--i’m assuming that these people might be part of the group have non-smut blogs and read on the side teehee. 

at the same time, there is a combined 40 people who said that they use tumblr for smut purposes only which makes sense to me, as those who filled out my survey are readers of my smut blog if you catch my drift haha  

Writers: Do you read smut, or just write it? 

*56 responses correlate with those polled who identified as writers/both as mentioned above 

~My thoughts: this survey is really really cute for me to see bc it means that there is a whole support network or writers out there reading, supporting and here to hype other writers work!! if anything, as a writer because it takes so much time to write, it can become hard to find time to read, hence the “when i have time option lollll (*cough cough* me LOL) thank you all for your honesty with this question! 

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion 

Survey on Exposure 

~My thoughts: i kinda wanna close off this survey by getting on my soapbox for a sec lol. At least for me, the most common ways that readers found my blog were: looking up a tag, and from a repost. i think that this really goes to show the power of exposure and certain tactics that you can use to increate readership of your account! new readers, if you’re reading this and you’re just starting out, tagging your stuff is so so important! 

also, as i have said and so so, many other content creators have said countless times before, reposting is so crucial and it takes little to no effort to repost a creators work so that it might reach others! as a writers, we spend hours, and i mean hours creating content, editing, drafting, creating headers all out own time to publish something that we are proud of and for you to enjoy! it means the world to authors when you reblog their work and even more when you give feedback too because this is our passion! we write for free in the middle of our busy lives so the validation makes it all worth it!! 

Conclusion 

~phew! so that’s it! once again, i wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart from participating in this lil study! i really hope that it is helpful to writers and readers alike! i wanna give ya all the biiiiiigest Ro huggies!! 💕💕

as i mentioned above, the answers for the unpopular opinions will be made into their own post bc there is a ton of them and i didn’t want to clutter up this doc lol 

don’t ya ever forget that you are important, loved, and special! happy hornies my cuties ;) 

~R 🌹

6. Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle (and hopefully makes you giggle too)

~you all are the light of my life!! each of these comments brought me so much happiness and i love you all so fkn much for that!! also, to those of you who said, “Ro date me” PLZ haha i will date you too!!! too all of the super sweet comments about my writing, thank you so so very much and thank you for reading! it means so much to me!! to all of the i love yous, ahhhh i love you toooooo  💕

“I DUNNO IM BAD AT FUNNY STUFF BUT KNOCK KNOCK I GUESS? -whos there 

RO 

-ro who 

Me, in chan voice: RObber ducky you're the one 

yeah... 

yeah 

bYE” 

“ I didn’t know changbin’s thighs were of such importance until I saw your username but now?? 👀 I am looking respectfully.” 

“ every time chan doesn’t reply to my bubble message i hold my breath and try to die💆‍♀️” 

“ here are my favorite emoji combos: 😐☝️ 😫🖐️ 😂🤏 (i use that one when i get a dick pick and it's rlly small but the person thinks its big-) “ 

“ you are EVIL for making me choose just ONE bias OT8 EXISTS OK!?” 

“ I hope this survey provides you with a lot of useful feedback! -sincerely a big tiddie committee member (you know the one)” [hehe yes i do hai M ;)] 

“ chan’s tiddies... that’s it.” 

“jeogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyo?“

“ Jeongin is appropriately baby bread because his face is puffy in the morning so it's kinda like yeast rising 👉👉 “ 

“ someone needs to tell hyunjin to put some vaseline or something on his cuticles like I love him a lot but his recent live made me scream sir your cuticles are hanging on for dear life please I'm literally begging you “ 

“ I squeal whenever I get a notification from you and my family think I’m secretly dating someone. It’s nice knowing that they think I can get someone during a pandemic 😁 “ [this one had me SENT] 

“i hope ur dreams are blessed with skz thighs.” 

“ HS Bin supremacy!!” 

“Sta” 

“Ro(ses) are red, violets are blue - DaVinci painted Mona, cause he couldn't find you :') “ 

“✨ dInG dOnG ✨ “ 

“You're doing God's work as a changbin stan xD “ [thank you so much aHA] 

“damn gorl, are you a wifi signal? cause i’m tryna connect 🤔🥴✌🏾 “ 

“Good luck with your survey! I hope you get a big response! You know what else is big..? 

 Chan's feet. (I'm sorry, that was my attempt to make you giggle but I'm clearly not a comedian)” 

“What's the internal temperature of a taun taun? Luke warm! (Haha sorry star wars joke) “ 

“egg“

“just because you’re garbage, doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot <3 “ 

“Soft-Dom Minho Agenda is the best agenda. I have spoken. Sincerely yours, Javi (@itsapapisongo) “ [this is the way javi] 

“Bang chan daddy supremacy” 

“ro, ro, ro your boat gently down skz’ dick hell yea.” [this also had me SENT] 

“stay smut writers should take “maknae on top” literally“

“idk man i’m just vibing. hope ur day is going well. (changbin voice) da DA da” 

Fin. 

~🌹~ 

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz  @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @chaangbin​ @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[sttheorycraft]

Emerald City

OK, I still have doubts about the DID theories but I'm going to humor them in this post. See @kaypeace21 and @strangertheory for way more developed theories and @strangertheory in particular I was talking to when I started developing this into something worthy of posting. I did try to read kaypeace's stuff again but I am a busy (read: lazy) man and what I saw on a quick glance didn't resemble the newer stuff I plan to say here - apologies if I internalized some of your ideas so much that they feel like my own, kay, just tell me. I THINK this is going to be a new contribution, though.

So, I don't know enough about DID to use the terminology correctly, or even to be confident that what I'm proposing is a proper DID system. Let me just describe it in my own words and you all tell me. Suppose the events of the show take place entirely in someone's mind, and what's going on is a feverish mix of distorted memories (retold through events/descriptions of characters) and imagination. There is some main character whose mind this is taking place in, and we can infer some things about them/their life from patterns in the stories:

1) They had an abusive father (potentially very abusive as per @kaypeace21's theory, but at the very least emotionally abusive) and insistent that the main character be manly.

2) Their mother was harmed by the father and "left" (takes various forms across multiple characters, and could include Joyce if she dies off)

3) The character is gay or trans - this gets messy but it seems like the character was AMAB but El represents their female self, plus all the masculinity problems

4) The character is in love with their childhood best friend, but irl that wasn't requited, at least on the surface, either because of differing orientations or just the norms at the time. (Evidence: Will/Mike, Robin/Tammy)

Those are what I'm confident of so far under this framing. I suspect Hopper's family falling apart and his daughter dying could be relevant too, maybe even the loveless Wheeler marriage, but those aren't quite as clearcut. Nor do I think any of this is that original so far.

Here's what I think is new: this character could be actively under treatment, to bring them back to reality. And Hawkins Lab ("Emerald City" according to Officer Powell in S1) could be where that treatment is taking place. And the explanatory power of this framing is pretty cool.

Dr. Brenner and Dr. Owens represent two different psychiatrists/psychologists who are trying to get through to the patient. Brenner doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but is taking an exposure therapy approach. He wants the patient to face their inner demons ("demogorgons," to quote Bob from that Stranger Things Reunion video) to heal their wounds. That scene where he hands El the flowers and tells her "today we make contact" is about doing a deep dive to try to confront her past. But when she touches the Demogorgon, she can't handle it and freaks, and it's let loose on the population. Hawkins Lab spends the rest of the first season trying to recover El (spying on phone conversations = listening to different voices in the patient speaking?), but they seem to panic and take extreme measures in doing so (staging Will's death was more to stabilize the situation, but e.g., murdering Benny - which from a Rick and Morty-esque view of the situation isn't as drastic as it is utilitarian, definitely poisoned them in El's mind). This leads to Brenner being lumped in with the abusive figures in El's life and distrusted. (Remember: Connie Frazier did the murdering, and from memory Brenner seems to disapprove of her methods. I recognize painting Brenner in a positive-ish light is going to be unpopular here, but just humor me for now - it's not inconsistent with the evidence we have so far. That might change.)

S1E8: Brenner: "Shhh! You're sick. You're sick but I'm going to make you better. I'm going to take you back home, where I can make you... well again. Where we can make all of this better. So no one else gets hurt."

El: "Bad."

Brenner: "???"

So in Season 1, basically the patient rejects Brenner's approach entirely (I mean, it does fail pretty epically) and they bring in someone new ("Those people are gone now. They're gone. Okay? So if we're gonna get through this, I just need you all to realize I'm on your side. I need you to trust me").

Season 2 has Dr. Owens, a new psychiatrist/psychologist with a better bedside manner but whose approach is more tolerable to the patient (at first): just ignore it. Pretend everything's normal, and every now and then when something stirs in the wound, torch it back to where it was. Why fix things when you can keep them under control?

But of course, this wasn't enough: the patient's trauma managed to escape under the surface (subconsciously, is the metaphor) and ooze out all over Hawkins. By the time Owens realized it, the darkness had entered Will and nearly consumed him, and so there was no ignoring it and no way to extinguish it without harming the patient.

Around this time, there's another interesting Brenner scene:

S2E7: El: You're not real.

Brenner: All this time and you haven't looked for me. Why? Because you thought I was dead? Or because you were afraid of what you might find?

El: Go away.

Brenner: You have to confront your pain. You have a wound, Eleven. A terrible wound...

El: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

Another callback to being afraid of facing one's fears. Brenner is the unwelcome treatment, but he also seems to be being painted as the necessary treatment.

One interesting side effect of this framing: Kali actively tries to exterminate the staff of Hawkins Lab. If Hawkins Lab is trying to help the patient return to reality, is Kali the villain here? Certainly she and her group come across as rather villainous despite the attempted endearment in S2E7...

Other miscellaneous notes: Dustin/Lucas in S1E2 suspecting El is from Pennhurst, maybe not wrong. S4 taking place in a mental hospital for parts?? Just lots to unpack here.

And of course, this could all be totally wrong. I just think the explanatory power is unusually good.