#maybe ill move where i do the thing
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I feel like i haven't posted like my own situations on this blog in a while so hi, weird thought of the day was that I'm actually into how this exam season has began, romantisize the life for real
#diary entries#ive been going to work eating having a nap and then (i dont like the word studying i need another word for it that does it justice) yk#and ive just been focused on that for three days now so i haven't gone out so much but i dont fear that I'll get lost in a hole or anything#and im enjoying doing the thing and its been really calming and the weather feels nice and ive been having A Music Experience as you do when#you spend a lot of time with it#and my setups really pretty#i just miss my cats#maybe ill move where i do the thing#make the room pretty the environment right to be with them too#but it's definitely not going to be this quiet and or roomy#we'll see
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you say they can’t put telepaths in marvel rivals, yet we have some very credible leaks that jean grey and emma frost are gonna be in the game soon.
that being said, jean has telekinesis (and the phoenix force) and emma has her diamond form. telepathy is all charles has, lmfao. odds are pretty low for him, but maybe not zero if they give him telekinesis!
if yall have me say he got psionic blasts one more time i am going to scream HE HAS MORE THAN TELEPATHY . LIMITED BUT HE HAS IT <- he has gone against sentinels and disabled armies with it before HE CAN FIGHT I PROMISEEE
and technically they did give him telekinesis in krakoa (and very weak telekinesis sometimes before krakoa) so .... not my fave move but he does have that ...... and ig they give him a gun sometimes ........ last resort type shit but he has options ..
#snap chats#area man gets too passionate about charles xavier more at 12#also did i not say emma had her diamond form or did i delete that tag#omg no i deleted the tag fuck my life. please believe me i did say emma had her diamond form i didnt think anyoned care tho#but with charles. as i said before. he has more than telepathy ...#limited but .. it exists options exist ... he can also Arguably control machinery#i say Arguably cause im still figuring out how he controls machines he says he does with his mind#then he can Also read like ??? SOME kinda waves in sentinels ??? that was a thing im p sure#BUT YEAH NO LISTEN this is what im saying when i say he could be a support character and not a duelist#as if anyone was contemplating duelist charles ........#lol i love how i call 'vanguards' tanks and 'strategists' supports but i stick with duelist for damage. sorry duelist better#anyway let charles be support it'll never happen because this game hates me but i can dream#listen im just saying maybe charles can have a move that disables machinery or something#like punisher or iron man... maybe like a temporary lock on weapons... just one target#lmao wait im just thinking of sombras ult from ow arent i. yeah fuck it why not he can have a disable-all-skills ult idc vejRLKAERJE#sounds bout right for how sneaky he is sometimes .....#his left and right clicks could lit just be psionic blasts of varying strength and speed#doesnt even have to do physical damage ... mental damange .... what the difference right the brain sayin There Is Pain anyway..#maybe charles could have a sonar ability that lets him (maybe nearby allies too) see through walls for like. three seconds... 50M range....#like yk what i mean he can sense where people are thats my idea...#LIKE LET ME COOK MARVEL LET MEEE IN <- dont ill make him busted or horrible there is no in between
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i think what's really been getting to me the past few months is the realisation that i dont relate to literally any of the mental health stuff i see anywhere. like whenever there's some affirmation or motivation or just relatable-sounding posts in general they all seem like such common problems and it's like, damn i literally dont experience any of that. and yet im still crumpling. something uniquely wrong with me
#like ion have social anxiety and my depression manifests entirely differently. already excludes like 90% of things on here#also like. my parents grew up so poor immediately post ww2 and in the ussr that they#were eating dead animals off the street. my father was in a revolution when he was 10 and grew up working in a mine#and ion even wanna think abt the shit my mother endured in transylvania#and they both went to uni for over a decade and made an extremely good life for themselves#and i cant even do 2 yrs of uni without folding?? i dont even have anything else going on#i literally have everything handed to me why can't i just function#maybe i never learned how to struggle for things. i dont know#barking#and i cant say oh well im more mentally ill than them. first of all where do you think i got them from. second of#all they were in a war and spent the majority of their lives in the ussr. they wont even#talk about most of the things they went through#like dont get me wrong i have such a long list of mental issues my biography would count as the next dsm#but it's not like my parents were okay at any point. so like#for the record they stopped living in the ussr because the ussr ended they didn't move out or anything. we're still in eastern europe#which is definitely contributing to my overall state. please can i fucking leave pleeeease
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0
i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3
#snap chats#SHE DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT BUT W/E SPOILER FREE QUICK REVIEW DOWN HERE HIIII <3<3<3<3#ive been made aware my tastes are. Questionable so proceed with caution vlklvjv im so sorry if i convince you to see it and you dont like i#moving on I Have. done nothing but listen to Eternal Flame for the past week its been stuck in my head ever since#BUT FR as i said I Really Liked It. i heard that theres another/original version so i wanna watch that at some point#if i care to remember and find it vjaelkjeakl but as This Movie On Its Own i had a swell time !!!#it does a really good job of teetering that line of#'this is just a quaint little sometimes-awkward get-together' and 'this is so stressful i just might throw up'#it did a good job of keeping me invested and on my toes i guess- it bitters innocuous scenarios really well which i like#like i wasnt sure WHEN whatever scene i was watching would turn sour but i always had that feeling it /would/- that lingering feeling#the horror in this is more psychological than violent- it only gets crazy by the last quarter honestly#which isnt bad! i like psych horror and Christ. the amount of times i was just grimacing in my seat like Suspense Is The Word#like imagine a dinner party where people only say controversial things and you dont want to blow up the situation#so you just try to be really polite about pivoting from the topic. but they keep going. thats basically the horror of this movie at its cor#i do have SOME comments about some bits but i wanna rewatch the movie at some point to be thorough on my comments jglejlakj#yk do a rewatch where im. NOT jokin bout with my brother- THO TBF DESPITE THAT I was still invested#like its premise is so. simple? in concept imo. but 'simple' isnt automatically bad in my eyes and i really liked how it played out#i dont watch movies much tho so maybe its been done different but there is ONE thing tht definitely made me like. HUH#but its nothing super major i dont htink? I MEAN IT WAS KINDA BIG BUT there were signs to it being revealed. still it made me vjLJ like god#i cant explain tho cause SPOILERS but ... Yeah. its not that crazy it just definitely took me by surprise for how quick the reveal was#tldr: if you ever wanted to watch an awkward dinner party where you couldnt do anything about it this is the movie to watch#and i like that. i like that because i hate myself apparently jVLAEKJVAEKLJ#coupled with horror it was also funny at times which i felt did help with that underlying 'when will this be tainted' horror#i really liked that ... when normalcy or the feeling of safety can be taken away in an instant#if you watch it and wanna talk bout it more in depth ill prob have rewatched it by then and id like to give a more. Detailed review#OR AT LEAST ONE NOT SO RAMBLY VELKAVJEALKJ im not good at reviewing things .... i just know when i like or dont like somethin ..#ive only had my bro to talk bout this with and he doesnt really. Give his thoughts or opinions too much like i do#so id be happy to talk bout it and get your perspective !!!! but only if you want Again if you dont like it im so sorry erlakjaekl#god theres so much more i want to say but im just rambling and i wanna be brief for you my friend vlakjlakvlkj#anyway yeah. those are my quick thoughts. i was Very Normal about james mcavoy for most of this movie ty for reading
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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More kazooieposting because why not. What's your favourite stage theme?
let's see... with kazooie, it's probably clankers cavern because i just really like clanker. he's so cool and i like hanging out with him.
with tooie, while i feel like it's everyones favourite, it's gotta be witchy world. it's just such a fun world overall that it's hard to pick anything else.
#ask#anon#if i had to pick seconds for both? lets see... uhh...#maybe treasure trove cove? i feel like its a close second. just really nice level. except for the clams. fuckars.#theres a fun detail i noticed with treasure trove coves music#so theres a little segment in the tune that appears a bit late thats the exact same chord progression as bottles challenge music#and thats so neat to me because like. where do you go to get a few specific cheat codes? bottles minigame#and where do you put those cheat codes in at? treasure trove cove#its just a really fun touch#but ough... my boy clanker.... i cant pick favourites over my boy clanker...#ill get you out of there man. theres a huge sea out there.#as for tooie... terrydactyland? i always loved playing through its world#i remember watching a tier list recently and they had terrydactyland pretty low on the list. because of how empty it is#which is definitely a fair statement. but as a kid i didnt mind honestly#but really its so hard to pick anything over witchyworld. its music. its theme. the different areas. oughhh.....#i even like mr patch. except for like one part of his design that changes with his return in nuts & bolts.#beyond that. fun design. i like him a lot if we can ignore a part of his design.#i also like how proportionally large the interior of the big top is.#the only thing i dislike about mr patch is his actual boss fight. aiming. aiming eggs at his patches. and hes constantly moving about.#most hated themes? uhhh i cant really pick one in kazooie really. theyre all good even if rusty bucket bay sucks#tooie? probably glitter glutch mine. or jolly roger lagoon.#those two i never liked playing through really.#jolly roger lagoon scared the shit out of me as a kid. i hated the ominous deep hole in the middle of the lagoon#and the underwater segment sucks because so much of the level looks the same.#glitter glutch mine... idk what about it i disliked. it was honestly the one level i dreaded playing the most in the early game#its visuals arent the worst but. idk something about it i didnt really enjoy. maybe those damn fps segments.#anyway! thank you for the ask anon!!! :)
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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i think having a pet animal (preferably a cat) would fix me
#well not fix me but help me feel better for sure#usually when im alone i struggle to get out of bed and do things#but when there's someone else its easier#so i think having a pet i have to feed and have to take care of will help me get out of bed and even take care of myself#this is animal therapy /j#but im kind of not sure here bc my new apartment is a small studio and im not sure it would be fair to animal to live in such small space#like im perfectly ok living in a small space because it means less space where someone else can hide and less space to be wary of#but animals like dogs and cats? they're more active than me and they need more space to stretch their legs and all that#well. i guess i can measure my studio once i move in in two weeks#also my cousin's acquaintance's cat is having kittens and maybe by that time ill decide if my studio ok for cats or not#☆.txt
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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bad decision maker (me)
#this IDIOT decided to start an event for a fandom even though two relativly popular ships make them feel deeply uncomforatable !!#uugh its fine. its 2023 like three ppl ship carmen and gray and/or julia and chase in 2023. weve moved on where better as a society#UGHH THE THING ISS THO !!! like i dont want to be mean those ships genuinly make me feel like being sick maybe and i didnt realize#that my reaction to it was THAT intense before so i tohught it wld b fine if i had to occasionaly rb stuff for it.#i made my bed so i must lie in it i guess !!! alnd like no ones posted stuff YET but still. im nervous#also worried that bc ihave those ships tags banned i wont even see content for it and then the ppl posting content for it will like.#accuse me of being biased and say im a bad person and bla bla bla which i am biased but ill try not to be and uugh.#society if ppl didnt see a female character and a male character who she very clearly sees as her older brother#and a female character and a male character who repeatedly demeans her and went 'what if i shipped them' so this was never an issue for me#sorry thats mean. idk im trying to be impartial and balalnced and fair but i also am not ig.#its more just like! please dont kill me if i seem biased against redcr.ackle i am but i dont deserve u telling everyone to block me over it#someone actually did that once. cleary didnt work in the long run but you can see now why im so damm nervous#ig i can say that if i seem biased towards certain ships thats bc thats whats in the csweekly tags. and babes i wont be wrong !!!#bc i do rb based purely on those tags so ig im fine !!#flappy rambles
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I feel like I should have a tag for when I'm posting about wips. Hm. It'll be "creative whining" if you want to block that. Now: I don't know where to put them telling Chris that they're engaged >:[
#in the first dates section?#maybe in the training at dispatch section? that could be nice. things are moving forward in their lives and theyre feeling pretty solid#time to tell the kid#yeah i vuess that's where ill do it#or it could be after the beach date??#those stone tables outside of an in n out#hm! hmmm!#creative whining
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Y'know I'm not big on shipping so sometimes I'm like: "Man, why is it all Kazumaji." when searching for fanart but then I am on Twitter and... I think I am fine with Kazumaji on Tumblr.
i don't know the further implications of this and the diff between twit and tumblr kazumaji but Personally to me it just isn't my cup of tea and i don't really get the pairing
#snap chats#maybe its cause its popular and i have popularitis or something idfk i just cant see the appeal#or. i CAN but not personally yk. i understand why other people like it is what i mean it just doesnt do it for me for some reason#like Sorry Everyone Trying To Scroll The Kazumaji Tag Rn In Peace but ima spit#nvm i forgot what i was gonna say. never mind i remember#anyway it just doesn't do anything for me#like it's not wholly established and there isn't even a lot of in-text reasons to like it which . Hasn't Stopped Me Before#but like i don't have anything to go off of... like the pairings i like i have something to point at and go 'ah there it is mental illness'#and ig with kazumaji there's SOME things like Again I Can See Where People Are Coming From#but it's nothing that makes me go Ah.. The Brain Barnacles Are Here#we been over this but it's been a while but kiryu and majima's relationship really does just feel professional after a certain point#like y3 the earliest but ESPECIALLY after saejima comes into the picture#idk im rambling about something that WILL get me shot but i'm speaking my truth on my blog#moving on. watched the first half of tonbi today..... crying...#i have to update my Top Cutest TTM Charas list now...#but i gotta do these comms first ok bye#then im watching the second half if these dont take me all night..
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so close to being done with one step in the larger step in the larger step of the spreadsheet.
i ran out of space in the tags so im continuing them under the cut bc i wasnt finished... and if you let me finish i would of finshed my santance
anyways i have some countries like. the borders r pretty close to irl countries and i have them in my notes as x country but other ones i split them into like. just smaller subregions of the continent based on irl like. regions. like i split africa into . Madagascar + East Africa + Central Africa + Southern Africa + Western Africa + Northern Africa and its referenced off of maps where those r like. the recognized regions (well. madagascar is usually just counted as either east or southern africa but yk). but idk... im worried its a shitty thing 2 do i just dont know what else 2 do with it. maybe i should just use an actual world map instead since im going more realistic with like. the time periods and stuff. IDK i just rly wanna avoid the shit the sims does so much where it lumps a bunch of cultures together like. the chinese world in ts3 world adventures having a torii gate for the icon. -_- yk. the map was kinda superfluous anyway and more judt a way to visualize where the worlds we have were distributed + also was mostly influenced by that one ts4 mod which takes that more simplistic approach but maybe i can just step away from that and just go more realism based Its just hard bc i dont wanna like. lose the more like. silly isnt quite the word (itis kind of but not fully) ig i mean i dont wanna lose the abstraction kind of thing the sims has. but like. I am auite literally making a spreadsheet to get rid of some of the abstraction the sims has so what am i on about. IDK i just have been thinking abt it a lot basically... like sims im already making shit up and locking the sims to like real world history stuff it only makes sense to like. do the same thing with The world and not have it be abstracted. so yes that was a lot of words to say i think im just gonna move to thinking of the sims as living on Basically earth. In my personal the sims palace that ive made up. this is not to say i personally think of the sims as tkaing place on earth or anything ive just decided to do like. Bc this whole thing is basically an au im making anyway like. taking ts3 sims and making them be from the 1950s thats already Not what the game is like. so ill just make it a Realworld sims au. ok yay 👍 thats all sorry for talking sm abt something so pointless and also for not using a SINGLE paragraph break im basically just writing in this like i write in the tags (stream of consciousness) but the tags have the benefit of being naturally split up so yes i dont think anybody is reading this far. when i was little and playing skyward sword for the first time roughly 7-8 years old i got to the like trial on skyloft and i got so scared i smashed the cd so that i wouldnt have to do it . and then i blamed my dog for it. and i did this even tho lamp had JUST started a skyward sword playthru which idk if i knew at the time but i do feel rly guilty abt it. but i was rly scared. ok thats all
#phoebe asked 2 play mc tho so im done for the day..#i just have to do umm. i only have one world left in the 1950 portion of the ts3 worlds#and ive decided to go back and add all the homeless sims and MAYYYYBE npcs and shit but thatll be later. and ill probably do something more#fun first...#but. im excited to be done w this. and once im done with that last 1950 world (starlight shores) i only have 6-8 left Depending on if i#decide to do lunar lakes and oasis landing which i might not whos to say. its looking like i will tho -_-#im also umm debating bc i have bridgeport as set in 2000 but idr why so i mighttt change that#Also disclaimer all my times for the worlds r made up just 4 me and its all on a whim. ive changed where roaring heights is like 8000 times#and i fucked up actually bc i forgot abt the umm. was it the capps. i forgot they were there when i had it set in the 50s#but i was looking at the townies and i liked it better being 1925 basically. even tho that contradicts the capps#so currently i just have the capps going off ot it being set in 1950 and every body else is based on it being 1925. My spreadsheet and i#make the rules and 1925 would conflict with all the capps shit and i dontt wanna deal with it again . so yes#but ya. idr why i put bridgeport was 2000 it mightve just been a vibes thing... and also bc none of the other ts3 worlds r set around 2000#iny my mind and i was like well maybe there could be one.. but i might change that bc appaloosa plains has like. soo many bridgeport#references. and also i might have to change where i arbitrarily decided bridgeport is bc i likee. i did those ages ago and i put it#australia Mostly bc there r no other australian worlds . aside from like pleasantview/strangeview/melbourne from the console games but . 1.#im not counting console games 2. melbourne is a real life place in real life#so ya. i out it there bc on the wiki it was like Wellll it kinda looks like ok i just looked on the wiki to back up my claim and thats#literally gone ok . i have to move it out of australia#THERE R JUST SO MANY USA INSPIRED WORLDS ive tried to scatter them around.. ohwell. my dream is one day ill get so good with the ts3 world#editor and ill simply make it all. but you know how it is... i dont think thatll happen. (#but maybe one day. if i can ever get ts3 to work for me again FNFNFJFBFJFN#but ya. bc its the same thing i did with appaloosa plains where the entire thing was like Its based on the midwest and also arizona and i#ignoredall that and focused on the part where they said 'with a splash of ky green' and went Ohhh its based in kentucky its a kentucky world#based on kentucky GOT IT 👍👍#also bc i have the usa divided into subdistricts and such Speaking of i rly kinda just wanna redo my entire sims map ive been struggling#with it recently#bc im trying to have it Abstracted from irl while still being like. Sims. but i also worry that im being evil by grouping countries together#into bigger ones... esp w like how ppl just lump in asian and african countries altogether anyways i worry im doing the same thing eveb if#its not my intention . + it just makes it weirder when a country Is more by itself like. currently i have china and japan like. similar to
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