#maybe ill make more gem people at some point.. idk

[arielluva]

woah… land of the lustrous oc….

[ayyyyysexual]

suggestion as someone who knows the Bare Minimum about slay the princess, hear me out:

gempearl au?

I wrote all this ages ago and it was just sat in my drafts for forever so here y'all go:

Oh my god glow dont make me think about this bc ill actually start going feral.

THE LOOPING COULD BE SO INTERESTING WITH GEM'S CANONICAL DIMENSION HOPPING...

Okay. Okay. In depth thoughtd below the cut but it will be both 1. Spoilery 2. Lowkey incomprehensible if you dont know much about the game LMAO

First off, I think Cleo would be the narrator. Why, you ask? Because its MY au and I get to put my blorbos where i want. But if im being fr then its bc she has i think the perfect combo of exhausted britishness, willingness to manipulate and lie, and overall just the Vibe to fit the narrator. Bonus points if they're a fractured version of time witch cleo from WCSMP.

And then... THE VOICES. THIS IS WHAT I IMMEDIATELY SNAG ON. Would the voices be different people, or potentially just alternate versions of Gem? Also yes ive decided gem is the protag and pearl is the princess but thats bc my original knee jerk reaction was "gem is the princess (esmp2 gem was a fave) and pearl is the hero" but then i thought harder and went waittt i love shapeshifter pearl and dimension hopper gem. I can work with that.

Anyway yeah im thinking different people for the voices, but I'd probably give gem her own internal dialogue alongside it bc it'd be less interesting if she was just the vehicle for the plot in this au. I'll probably have her be both the actual 'hero' character and voice of the hero, for simplicity.

The first ones to come to mind are false as the voice of the paranoid, because she is my #1 paranoia rep i love her, and grian as voice of the contrarian bc he fucking would.

Potentially joel as voice of the cheated, or stubborn? If we do bring wcsmp elements in then prismarina would make a great voice of the cheated too LMAO. So, Joel for voice of the stubborn

Scar is Very voice of the opportunist. And obviously the witch is double life pearl. Which is so perfect?? Like goddamn???? Especially bc i love dl sunflower duo. AND THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE VIBE WOULD BE ALMOST LIKE IF GEM AND SCAR WERE ALLIED AGAINST PEARL AT THE END OF SECRET LIFE

Broken is hard to pick a voice for, maybe mumbo? but the tower would Definitely lean into Santa Perla and the farmer god esmp2 stuff. I could see him being like "oh well it would probably be for the best if we just listen to the giant god lady who could crush us, right?"

Hunted... I was unsure for a while but maybe Shrub? Wolf spirit shrub would be rlly fun for that. And ig the beast would be some form of alien s9 pearl? OR we could lean into the more monstery salmon/siren/merfolk s10 pearl stuff

Cold could be Cub, i dont know much about him but he seems very chill and pragmatic enough for me to push to the extreme here

Skeptic... My mind has gone entirely blank for this one... ETHO MAYBE i can see etho for this. I have no idea what pearl version would work for the prisoner though

Smitten....... maybe shelby? Specifically great witch Shelby. Idk i think her whole vibe around katherine could be translated into what we need here. plus i love giving crumbs to yuri rarepairs- OR i could lean into santa perla again here and have it as sausage kinda worshipping an idealised person of the past pearl he loved (though not romantically, to me at least), which could work for a damsel variant?

anyway i dont wanna get Super into the major spoilers for stp so i wont elaborate much further, but goddd im so normal about this concept

[megafaunatic]

idk if ur like open to randos in ur asks giving u media recommendations, but i would give anything in the world for u to try and give the k-novel 'return of the blossoming blade' by BIGA a chance... UR MY FAVE CONTENT CREATOR SINCE THE YE OLDEN TGCFMDZS DAYS SO I WANTED TO AT LEAST TRY LOLLL its like my favourite novel of all time and ive been trying to force it upon everyone with little avail, which i dont understand WHYY cuz its SOO GOOOD like it definitely deserves to have the same level of popularity w international fans as MDZS and TGCF had, but for now it remains a hidden gem.......... it's an insanely long novel i will nawt lie (1.5k+ chapters and updating everyday but only like 500smth have been tl'd into english on the fantl site Sky Demon Order[who also post semi-daily]) but its sosososo worth it i prommy..trust me..:smiles: it's a classic 'hero from the past who died a tragic and preventable(?) death reincarnates a hundred years into the future hiding his identity to teach the youth in order to keep the future generation from following in his footsteps and making the same mistakes he did' but without all the stale, predictable, boringness u'd typically expect from that specific genre... it's an incredibly comedic action novel that takes place in ancient china wuxia setting & focuses primarily on found family and those close familial bonds between the main cast behind all the sword fighty action (dont know how to fit this in anywhere else, but its important to me that u know the mc, chung myung, is the main casts grandpa.. hes their peepaw.. he shows affection by beating them on their heads). theres no romance at all, but i would argue that is a SELLING POINT for this novel like i swear it is so refreshing, the found family of it all means soo much to me, so much so i am now going to force it to mean so much to you too(this is a threat).... if u do gaf abt ships tho then maybe the doomed, tragic, best-friends-to-almost lovers tangchung yaoi and the love at first sight iseolsoso yuri might catch ur eye *LOOKS AT YOU* i genuinely really really feel like it would be straight up ur alley, like its definitely smth i feel would at least peak ur interest imo (chung myung, the mc, is probably my fave mc of all time..at eighty two years young, he IS the next peoples princess and i want to hit him with my car and then nurse him back to health just to hit him again.. i feel like u'd enjoy him like that as well).. im so desperate for more eng fans of this novel u cant see me rn but i am biting into a leather belt trying not to sob and cry out loud as im typing this this is so long im so embarrawsed so ill leave u here.. i hope my pleas have touched ur heart in some way and if the novel chapter count is too intimidating, ROTBB also has a webcomic on webtoons by the same name (season two of the webcomic just started ^__^ ) and the art is so good and funny and its a good way to get into the novel without being overwhelmed by the chp count methinks BUT i would definitely consider reading the novel mandatory cuz the webcomic only fills u in on so much.... ok. i hope u managed to get thru this insane wall of text, my bad.. until we meet again...*salutes* *revs up my motorcycle and disappears behind a cloud of smoke but when the dust settles i am laying dead on the floor*

ok so first of all i respect this so much 🫡 thank you for spreading your passion in the final moments before your motorcycle dirt death 🫡🫡🫡

second of all this does sound really fun !!! i have found it on sky demon order and i'll give it a try... BUT i gotta be real over a thousand chapters and only two hundred of them translated AND no romance is unfortunately killing me... i just dont know if i have the stamina for that... im a horrible little fujo if its THAT long theres gotta be some kissing!!!!! sorry 😭😭

for u i will give it a try but i can make no promises 🫡 i will consider chung myung my blorbo in law tho

[faelapis]

idk anyone who thinks Steven should stay in Beach City forever, but from what I've seen, the main criticism about Steven leaving isn't that he's leaving at all, but that he's leaving too soon (in both that he's only 16 and that it's only been a few months), especially in light of modern American expectations to move out as soon as you're of age. Why does the show make him ready to go so soon when they could've showed his progress in smaller steps with a more gradual, more realistic transition?

well first of all, SU Future seemed to basically take place over the course of a year, and with the added months of the IAMM-Future skip, it seems pretty likely steven is 17 going on 18 now.

second of all, i feel this is the “subtle” bit people forget, the entire epilogue was him trying to find a place for himself in beach city. he tried for 19 episodes. he tried to give himself hobbies to occupy him, he tried to keep going what he’s always done at little homeworld and for the straggler gems who haven’t accepted change yet, he tried to go to homeworld to be with the diamonds in the hope they could “fix” him so he wouldn’t be a danger to himself and others anymore. that, too, was with an eye towards things going back to how they used to be.

third of all, steven is not, like i said, healed yet. he’s just reached a point where he’s ready to face that, talk about things, and do things because he wants to do them, not because it’s what everyone wants him to do. pretty much everything about the last episode communicates that the gems have been trying to do everything to put him first, up to and including what steven always did - put their feelings aside, because they don’t want that to be what controls his actions.

fourth of all, because he’s not healed yet, it’s steven admitting that he doesn’t think he can heal and grow where he is. he’s on a path of recovery, but he will never be happy or truly figure himself out if he makes himself stay here, in this place that’s represented his role to society. he’ll always be tempted to try to be that good little helper boy again.

again, i think it’s really... weird, that people acted like steven was fully healed in the last episode. which part of “steven is still doing every stereotypical recovery thing, has just gotten a therapist, and everyone walks on eggshells around him” communicated that he’s happy and mentally content now?

to me, it looked like he’d spent those months doing the most elementary recovery things (working out, maintaining routines, socializing and being told he matters and is loved) to prepare for more intensive recovery, like leaving the place where he keeps relapsing into this unhealthy hero role, figuring his way out of his existential crisis, and having a proper therapist for that.

the key thing to remember is that corruption wasn’t the only time steven was mentally ill. corruption was a panic attack, self hatred based on thinking everyone must hate him now. it was the end product of his struggle - thinking he’s a monster. you can still struggle without shifting into a wyrm. i don’t think anyone would argue that he’s not struggling mentally in, say, fragments. so idk why they argue it for future.

fifth of all, the song is “being human”... but steven is not just a human. at the very least, he doesn’t have to go on the conventional human path. part of the reason western society have that 18+ rule - which imo is questionable, in that it may often trap children in unhealthy situations, with parents having too much legal power over them - is so they’re prepared for a very specific future: going to college. that’s not what steven is doing, at least not yet.

he’s just removing himself from an environment where, while the people around him try to help, HE can still end up relapsing. HE ends up aching for the old status quo, even when the others have moved past it. and almost everyone there represents some kind of baggage for him. steven can see everyone on his terms, not because he has to. again, it’s really about him having agency, not about being perfectly healed.

it’s also not this grand statement that he will never see them again. it’s just... taking time away from it all, maybe becoming someone new, with everyone else supporting him in that.

[chanchanchanko]

im so fucking mad at the great pretender ending there are so many problems???? anyways gp spoilers ahead

those assholes fucking BROKE him as a human being and at the end theyre just like aha we got u ;) confidence mans ;))))

hoenstly there is just too much to say but like ill start with the overarching problem of both seasons which is that they keep repeating the same tropes and same twists, which is like... fine i guess if they did something with it? if the cyclical patterns had a point or some kind of build up for character development? but no it has no bearing on Makoto or even Laurent as people which is GARBAGE give me a crumb of character development or tangible stakes PLEASE

on that note, would have loved to see a story where damage begets damage and trauma is taken a little more seriously. what really gets my goat is that there was so much potential for like the motif of cycles/generations of damage begetting damage and i kept hoping for it because they recycled the same tropes and scenarios so much that it felt pointed

i know its supposed to be a fun/goofy series but i wish they had the balls to go dark like. i would have loved to see an ending where laurent is treated like the asshole/complicated human he is? or idk a story that reckons with the fact that makoto is so broken that he runs a human trafficking ring ??? 

also kinda wish abby stood up for makoto more because their friendship fuels me and it sucks that she stood by and watched team confidence absolutely fuck him over

if i had to distill my grievances into a single point i think itd be that they totally sacrificed the characters for the sake of ~conning~ the audience which felt kinda belittling. like in some way it felt very, aesthetics over content in that it quite literally looked beautiful and had a really interesting vibe but idk you cant rely on the ~vibes~ to carry the story?? case in point bringing back the old villains in the finale. the weird thing about that was, in season 1, they had to be unsympathetic and evil enough for the con against them to feel morally acceptable, but then they just bring them back like nothing? like the vibes of the show suggest that theyre scooby doo villains and theyre pretty harmless but for season 1 to make sense they had to be Evil so idk. 

the high point of season 2 is the relationship between makoto and akemi tbh, its the only thing that felt tangible and also lol akemi (and maybe abby) feel like the only 2 who actually give a shit about makoto

also dorothy is a gem of a character shes so cute

anyways makoto deserves better abby deserves better dorothy deserves better season 1 deserves a better sequel fuck laurent thierry all my homies hate laurent thierry 

[transrightsjimin]

@trespassers-will​ ok here we go

i also watched the various videos hidden inside each photo and the videos that were posted today as well and took notes too hjfhk

1. hobi’s room

okay so i thought i would rank jin’s room first but then i saw hobi’s room and i saw that couch nd went OMG okay thats no.1!! i love this interior so so much, like i normally hate orange and blue as a combination but this seems almost more like red and blue and it really reminds me of hopeworld. there’s many pop art-like graphic design posters adorning the walls, showing lines like ‘hope‘, ‘sweet’ and ‘my way‘. the shoes on the closet(?) behind him were disaplayed bc those are the colours we wears the most in his fashion. and then there’s this iconic inflatable clear pink couch and him wearing a pink robe and just GOD what a mood, i want a room like this!! the chair reminds me a lot of the type of fun quirky furniture i fantasized about and incorporated into my drawings as a kid when i was around 8-11, probably because i got inspired by stuff like totally spies and polly pocket, which had all these designs clearly inspired by 60s and 70s space age design but more in pink and purple i guess.

also i hate the search for such stills bc even w safe search on, you still have godawful f3tish drawings depicting those kids from totally spies ending up in search results and it’s disgusting. but yeah it reminded me of that

when i say polly pocket, i particularly mean this quik-clik (magnetic clothes and hair) era in 2005 which was what i had some stuff from. i had that couch / movie night! set and the pool and that

also i just really like hobi’s room because with all the posters and cabinets and clothing items laid out and a carpet and fun colours and whatnot, it really feels like an actual room you could live in, unlike any of the other rooms which feel very empty or too minimalist to me. but YEAH hobi’s room is my fav, i love the way a fuller room feels more cozy and habitable and floaties and inflatable floaties are AMAZING

2. jin’s room

jin’s room is so prettyyyy!! jins explanation of the room was very uhm confident and funny but i love that. the couch looks like a lilac shell, which makes sense as everything else looks very pearlescent. i really love cool-toned pastels like lilac, powder / baby blue, periwinkle and everything just looks like it’s part of a waiting hall for mermaids or something. there’s also gems in it which took me a while to realize bc i only noticed the glass chandelier and lamp but then i saw them in his hand nd on the table. i dont rly care abt gems / jewels but overall i just love how this whole room speaks ‘pretty‘ to me. robes are always a plus. as i was writing this, i was also reminded of hair extension mullet jin with iridescent clothing and all and that is actually my all time fav photoshoot / look of him. him saying he’s the gem of the room makes sense too as he’s sitting in the shell like a pearl. jin pretty pretty mermaid

ok from here on its getting harder bc place 3-8 is not so much abt which is nicer but which one actually makes me feel any emotion bc i just feel too exhausted for excitement over comebacks or anything really. also minimalism doesnt make me feel anything either. but ill try

3. jungkook’s room

ok ive been staring at a screen w few sleep for too long so ill try to go through my ranking faster bc ive been working on this post for too long, also partially bc i cant focus nd partially bc theres some i just rly dont feel much for but i feel bad for ranking one lower than the other or ranking smth higher when ive talked to someone who dislikes a room i like dghkfdf

but yeah i like jungkooks room! its a very intense blue tht might make you depressed if youre in it too long but again i love how theres multiple items stacked in the bg and intense blue lights, and the ceiling looks like it has soundproof padding. its like youre in a recording studio or at some vaguely nostalgic party of a friend of my mom, who had plants in her home nd rock music nd the tv on and was smoking nd it was a bit dark and mysterious. i like it, it intrigues me a bit nd makes me miss going to concerts. also this pic rly just reminds me of 2008-2010 pop music videos where theres always a party and dj and people are wearing sunglasses or something and theres a dance break at the end

4. yoongi’s room

also blue!! the first time i saw this pic it was bc someone sent it to me to say how ugly they thought the decoration / editing looked w the metallic dripping stuff from the couch and whatnot but i kinda like it :( i like his velvety clothing and the light blue in the rest of the room is really pretty. i like mirror themes when done well nd i like how the reflectiveness shows also in the metallic dripping nd metallic spheres and the mirror hes standing on nd the way light reflects on his clothes and from the lamp. only the lamp feels a bit too much like a contemporary art installation for me nd his room already is a bit too empty for my liking nd i had the feeling when i watched the vid of him walking through the room that there was not much to interact w in the room like it was a bit dull. his voice in the explanation videos made it feel more like a place of peace / solitude rather than boredom or loneliness though.

5. namjoon’s room

ehh i think place 5, 6 and 7 are interchangable at this point. namjoon woulve ranked lowest but i listened to his explanation videos and saw him goof around in today’s video and appreciated it a bit more. the room still looks quite minimalist and not super comfortable, like youre not allowed to touch anything there (which is the same for jin i guess but i dont view that as smth meant to look like a living room). i do like how the wood theme is present throughout each wall nd in various items and w the windows nd use of space it feels a bit inspired by japanese interior design and that that is inspired by his bonsai tree nd love for woodwork, but im not sure. i was actually quite shocked some of his explanations were so short. so yeah i place this 5th bc i like how coherent the theme is but it doesnt feel cozy or inviting nd still very cold to me, maybe bc it looks too expensive or minimalistic in terms of colours.

6. jimin’s room

i like the flowers but also i dont like tiny flowers nd they tend to be the stinkier ones. i kind of like how jimins room feels the most like a grandma one w all the flowers nd offwhite and the lamp and beige i think? but the colours are so muted and if anything it feels like a place for a bridal photoshoot nd im just so bored. i love jimin nd feel bad for ranking a room he curated so low but it rly creates no serotonine in my brain, just melatonine bc im sleepy. i like how the room i obviously quite packed w stuff, but then the washed out colours make everything still look very bleak. hmm. i do like how the flowers reach outside the borders unlike w any of the others’ photos. im about to fall asleep so let me quickly finish this post

7. tae’s room

the picture in the middle behind him is interesting nd i dont know how he made that, nd i do like how he described his room as a place where there would always be enough food for visitors. i know it’s meant to communicate some highbrow, artsy vibe but w the weird editing and lightning nothing looks real in the room he’s in (including himself, like it doesnt even look like hes in the room) and it just looks kitschy instead of artsy. yeah i dont gravitate towards this one, it’s like deep-fried and desaturated at the same time nd i tend to avoid looking at it subconsciously

8. the first room photo

i first posted a long description here why but it disappeared but in short. this photo evokes no emotional response to me other than think of kind of crappy hotel rooms i was in w my parents while on vacation nd we slept in the same room or something nd the beds were awful nd made my moms chronic pain worse. the clothing is very boring and so r the colours of the room. i know bangtan curated stuff but its still the least interesting photo to me, maybe im too depressed to feel anything idk

im sorry this was prob very boring TT_TT i tried my best to make a ranking but i rly dont know nor care as much as i would want to

[gilmesc1]

Do you have any thoughts on fictional portrayals of DID, like danganronpa, spl!t, and others?

Yes, I usually would take time to do research but lucky for you I already did XD

I looked into Danganronpa a while ago since we have 1 or 2 system mates from it, and in that case, prepare yourselves for a hot mess of my opinion and facts I got from a google fest.

So, to start out, I guess I might share spoilers?? So you hath been warned. Additionally I’m not going to sit here and rephrase the entire story so, honestly why am I even explaining this. Anon at least knows what’s going on XDD

So Danganronpa is a psychological mystery anime that focuses heavily on the themes of hope and despair, where in most versions of the story characters are forced into a killing game where they have to kill each other. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out on your own XD

One thing I like about it is that the characters overall are written fairly well. Many of them are complex multi layered gems of writing with good development and story arcs. One thing that I found interesting is the semi accurate portrayals of mental illness and how it impacts the characters in this insane situation.

So, let’s break into that. I focused on the portrayals of NPD and DID specifically, and I could go back and look into others, but we’ll focus on those for this post. And just going to throw this out now, I think it’s interesting and also kind of a bold move to tackle those kinds of things in an anime.

So let’s look at the DID portrayal. The character’s name is Toko Fukawa, and she is a fucking wreck. Confirmed emotional abuse gives a lot into her character, and we see her as this timid, deflective, honestly broken shell. Later in the series we are introduced to her alternate personality, I know, exciting.

However it’s a literal serial killer. So like. Yeah.

I don’t love that part. I mean, out of all of the portrayals for this alter, you had to go with serial killer? And not only that, but a really famous, generally acknowledged as insane serial killer. Thaaaanks writer.

To recap what a lot of tumblr says, this kind of portrayal is dangerous because the majority of DID portrayals are of crazy violent stereotypes. It was quite honestly disappointing, and I wish that the writers hadn’t used this as their big reveal.

But hey, neutral standing here, let’s look at why he did do that from a different perspective. Since the theme of the game/anime is killing, it does make sense plot wise to have a serial killer. Additionally, it’s a clever way to get said serial killer into the game in the first place. Plot wise and with a few things I’ll mention in a second, it does make sense in a twisted way.

But let’s get the bad out of the way first. One thing I really don’t love is her appearance. It’s like someone took the original character design of fukawa, took some drugs, and then drew a nightmare creature. Seriously, there’s crazy eyes, hair flying everywhere, and this freaky inhuman tongue that the alter has out no matter what she’s doing. Like whaaaaaat the fuck.

Firstly this spreads misinformation that we can change appearance at will. Like don’t get me wrong, I wish I could, but the best I got is changing clothes if I have the time. Also the tongue I really hate because it gives the impression of the alter being this inhuman monster. Also again with the impression that we can morph stuff when we switch. I mean, if I had that, I’d be having a lot more fun in my day to day life than I do now.

Do what you will with that information.

Additionally we do see Fukawa’s tongue, and it’s not a weird demogorgon kind of thing, so, yeah, the tongue thing is weird.

Finally her name. It’s Genocider Syo/Jack/Jill. Not a normal name, no the only name we have for her is her serial killer name which I feel serves to continue to show her as this inhuman thing where we all go, Oh god oh fuck time to be afraaaaid.

But hey, let’s look at what they did right.

The backstory of how genocider came to be is really accurate to how it works. Fukawa has a history of abuse at a young age, and genocider eventually comes into the picture to protect her.

Let me explain: So this is a theory on my part (Check out Weeby Newz’s youtube video, that’s where I got this) but Fukawa was revealed to have suffered massive emotional abuse at the hands of a boy who she had romantic interest in. Since he was moving away, she decided to confess her love to him in a letter before this happened. Turns out the boy pinned the letter in her classroom so everyone would make fun of her. Dick move.

I think genocider formed after this specific event, firstly because this is a huge defining experience for Fukawa. Additionally, the way genocider acts serves to prove this. Her target victims are boys, and her first victim was the boy who hurt Fukawa. I mean yeah, killing was waaaay extreme, but bear with me on this next part:

I’d say that genocider is a protector. A lot of her initial actions were to protect Fukawa from getting hurt in the same way, and protectors do have a history of going to the extreme to protect their hosts and systems. Even though she seems like a persecutor, I don’t think any of her actions have been directed at herself and Fukawa, they actually seem to have a decent relationship, and to end this theory that is completely non canon and just me pretending I’m smart, I’d call her a protector.

Next, looking at the relationship they have. Genocider at one point tells the protagonist that they have a “non disclosure policy” when they switch when the other is in the middle of something. (like murder??) And I personally really liked this, as it was a kind of realistic DID humor in my eyes. Take it or leave it, that’s my opinion.

And that’s really all I have on that behalf. Genocider really isn’t shown as a “normal person” often, which I guess is the point but also leaves me with nothing to evaluate. (Side note, this is only V1 of the series and I’m aware she changes but dear god go easy on me)

Finally, here are a few things that I find a little weird tbh.

At first glance when they switch, it’s a touch accurate, if over dramatic. Losing consciousness and coming to as a different alter is possible so I do like that, however they also have her constantly switching when sneezing, which is a little out there.

I mean, I think I’ve done that before, but for it to be a consistent theme, idk. Maybe overdramatized again.

Secondly, there is a voice change, which is accurate, but it really just serves to fit the crazy image, so I’m conflicted on that.

So that is really all I can say on that specifically, to end things I’m going to talk about one other character Fukawa has interactions with, Togami. (He has a first name but I can’t spell/remember it.)

So I gravitated towards him while watching the series because he reminds me of me, hence me saying that he seems to be a dead ringer for npd. Let me explain.

He’s very cold and distant from others and obviously feels superior, additionally he is willing to fight tooth and nail to consistently be on top and win in any situation, leading to him doing some fucked up things.

But like I feel for him. It’s like watching me XD

His past was a very competitive cuthroat environment, where he was taught that losing is worse than death. Additionally he was almost groomed to be this untouchable figure so it’s no surprise that he believes that. I might make a second post about him because there’s a lot more I can say, but I’m going to double back to Fukawa now.

So Fukawa gains a very unhealthy obsession with Togami, despite him wanting literally nothing to do with her. He’s verbally abusive to her and does go out of his way to attack her, but she thinks it’s a sign of love. Poor Fukawa.

This also kind of fits with NPD, because we can have some pretty gravitating personalities. I think the attraction has a lot to do with Fukawa’s mental state, but I just found it interesting that the emotional abuse victim gravitates to Togami of all people.

So I brought him up for that above thought I had, and also to compare this last point. So Fukawa was confirmed to have DID, like it was specifically stated. To my knowledge it was never stated that Togami has NPD, but I strongly assume that he does. (key word assume, I could be wrong.)

So I found it interesting that Togami has this very accurate portrayal of NPD without ever confirming that he has NPD, while Fukawa is specifically confirmed to have DID while having a semi accurate portrayal. I think the writer really wanted to include mental illness in his story line and I doubt he intended anything to be intentionally harmful.

Writing mental illness into a story is very very very tricky, and it’s practically impossible to satisfy everyone, but the fact that he did do it is in my opinion, very bold.

He made good and less good choices, but overall he did make very compelling characters. Genocider admittedly fits better in this plotline as a crazy killer than she would as a realistic alter, but this is fiction.

So final statements: Toko Fukawa is not a bad character. I like a lot about her and overall I think she is very well written. Genocider is very less developed and more of a surprise plot twist than a character, which is unrealistic. The writer made some very awkward choices from a realistic standpoint despite it fitting well with his story.

So overall, she really isn’t a good portrayal of DID. You can enjoy her character like I did, but the main takeaway here is to not take her as a realistic portrayal. I know it seems obvious but this is the kind of thing that forms unhealthy ideas in viewers.

I’m not hating on Danganronpa or Toko, I actually really loved both. I’ve tried to stop ranting about fictional works that I hate. I used to be a loose fucking canon but I realized that I had been bashing a few autistic friend’s special interests, so now I try to be hyper aware that a fictional work might mean everything to someone even if I personally disliked it.

But that isn’t the case here because again I loved Danganronpa XD

So friends, that about does it for me. I liked doing this kind of analysis so if you want me to do more, send them my way XD

My next post will probably be the syscourse analysis if I can get that done before I get an easier topic. So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, thank you for the ask anon.

And I’m now out of words. You all should be happy. XD

[letsdiscoverkitty]

You can have a life while you are recovering- in fact I think that’s the only way you have any chance of doing it properly. You talk a lot about your family but never about your friends- where are they? Parents are not meant to be our only companions when we are grown ups. It IS possible to do normal life things whilst having an eating disorder - whether you are in recovery or not. Without something to focus on and live for what is even the point of trying? Find that thing to I live for xx

It has been over 6 years since I was diagnosed and in that time the number of real true friends that I have has fallen dramatically. One side that people don’t often talk about when you suffer from an eating disorder is that it literally shrinks your whole entire world. It’s aim is to make sure that there is only room for you and it in your bubble; no friends, no socialising, no ambitions, no interests, no fun, nothing. It reduces your life to nothing. There is no time for friends or relationships, family or meeting new people. 

When you suffer from a mental illness, you definitely learn who your true and real friends are and who was just along for the ride. I know that I am a terrible friend, and I will put my hands up and admit that. I have lost contact with many people and I have isolated myself beyond belief for years. Depression and anxiety can make leaving the house and making plans feel like you are being asked to climb mount Everest; which often leads to receding into the darkness and allowing them to consume me. I am very lucky to still have a few friends who have stuck by me despite everything; sadly as my life has been on hold, theirs have been continuing to move forwards, so actually being able to see each other has become quite a rarity. Initially my close friends moved away to study at University (all over the country) or similar. Now having graduated, most people have moved onto new jobs, getting first houses, moving in with partners, having children etc. Despite me still sitting in my bedroom at home; my peers have all spread their wings, found new friendships, interests and are moving on with their milestones.

I think I can say that I have maybe 2 friends left from my school days; both of whom I love to bits but sadly do not get to see very often. I have some very close friends that I have met online (including Meg who is a true gem and who I still talk to nearly every day) but it is not the same (mainly due to distance). I do mention my parents a bit and I suppose that is because I live with them in a very rural part of the countryside so yes we are around each other a lot. Meeting new people is very hard; not only because of anxiety but because of where I live. This is one reason why I am considering moving out at some point not too far down the line/moving in with Andi as I am so bored and tired and stuck here (Andi found the same growing up and during their gap year and could not wait to move out). Tbh anorexia has reduced me to a mere shell of who I was...  have lost my identity and purpose and have no idea who I am anymore. Which can make trying to get out and meet people or do things very hard.

I completely agree that part of recovery is reconnecting with social circles, getting out there and meeting new people and taking steps forwards towards milestones. Recovery does not mean putting everything on hold until you are “recovered” because it just does not happen like that. Whilst IP at the beginning of the year I learnt a bit more about how important the social aspect is in recovery and I realised how this element has been missing from my life for years. It is something that makes me feel quite sad and alone and is often overwhelming to even think about but I know that I can’t continue to avoid it. My closest friends are extremely understanding; A is the best. She knows I find it difficult to open and reply to messages but she makes sure to give me the kick up the arse when I need it. I have met up with her quite a few times recently however she has been away for the past month travelling/doing a yoga course but she is due back any day now!!!! J is my other closest friend who again I have been to see and had coffee with a number of times, we are trying to plan to go to the cinema but she has just started a full time 9-5 job in a city about 45mins drive away, and spends the weekends with her boyfriend in London so it is a bit tricky to sort out. 

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you make a very very good point and it is something that I am aware of. Eventually I want to take steps towards doing things like socialising, getting a part time job etc. Ideally idk, ideally I would be going into an environment like 1st year at Uni where you meet loads of people and find your feet a little but that is not where I am at right now. I am still waiting to hear back from volunteering at a local animal shelter, and cubs is on hold for the summer. I aim to work towards getting a part time job but I am not sure what as but I know I have to take things slowly in this area as in the past I have rushed it too fast and end up putting everything else before my health, which is not the aim. As I have said before, I have applied for some apprenticeships online (despite knowing I am not quite in a place to be able to take them on) but it at least shows that I am trying to think about it a bit? even if it is to beat myself up a little...It is sadly one side of being IP that was helpful for my anxiety - I was forced to be around people and I actually got to meet some really wonderful people and spend time together and do things with each other. However now I am back home living where I do it makes things a million times harder to overcome that anxiety that is already crippling. My team (both IP and now OP) have tried so much to help me connect with other people and find ways of getting out but even they have come up against brick walls as there is very little around my area. 

This is, I think, one of the reasons I have felt so trapped in this relapse; I have very little motivation/drive as I don’t know why I am doing it anymore. In the past I have had prospects of University or when I was going back to my A levels however now I don’t know what I want. I am feeling more lost by the day with myself and it is really hard to deal with. I wish that there was a simple answer. That doing xyz would help me to find motivation and life and a way forwards but right now I feel nothing. And as shit as it is I know dwelling on it even longer and staying submerged in relapse is not the answer so I am having to take initial steps blindly into the darkness. 

I am going to leave this reply here as I feel I have gone on far too much but I hope that gives a rough picture of things x

[montymontague]

Bloop, bubbles, froglet, gem, glittery, kisses, moonlight, pretty, prince, snuggly, thimble if you are still doing the cute asks? Sorry I asked so many! It was such a long list so it was hard to choose just a couple questions... 😅

anon i love u thank u for sending me these !!!! also dw about how many u sent i LOVE doing these so it is a Good Thing

Bloop: spirit animal

being 100% honest i have never rlly thought about this much so im not sure what it would be maybe a cat or something bc my dream life is a cat’s just gettinbg to lie around and sleep all day + lots of cuddles and attention but can just walk away whenever i want

Bubbles: do you have a best friend

im rlly lucky and i have two !!! @taeynalicia and @erica-doodles !! they are both the best

Froglet: are you a good plant owner

this depends a lot, for some plants Yes for others No i tend to do best with the ones i can forget about for a little and they’ll either spring back or just prefer that bc im v forgetful so the ones that need a lot of water/maintenance don’t do too well but things like my jade plant and violets are doing great and i love them

Gem:who are your favorite tumblrs

im lame and dont rlly have favourites i dont pay attention enough rlly to have specific ones but the one i think of first if i have to choose one is endlesspuppies or something ?? im not sure exactly but they just post a lot of cute dog pictures and i love them

Glittery: do you like anons? why/why not

i LOVE anons !!!! i love getting to talk to people and hear their thoughts !! and i love meeting people here its always so cool and fun !!! also seeing a notification for my inbox makes me feel less lame so if anyone ever wants to send me anything please do i will love u forever !!!!

Kisses:what romantic cliché do you wish for most

anything cute !!! i am a bit sap and i just want to be in love bc i LOVE love, but more specifically i feel like just cute domestic things like just hanging out with someone i rlly like who i know likes me too and feeling At Peace with everything when im around them u know

Moonlight:do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks

i think probably soft pastels ?? but rlly like all of them it is hard to choose im super indecisive

Pretty: do you like to cook or bake more

i like to do both a lot !! but i tend to bake more so ill say that and also baking i can share more which i like bc i like sharing with people

Prince:how would you describe your handwriting

a trainwreck, it is a mess idk what is going on with it half the time its small and half cursive half printing but also like kind of made up bc im lazy so its just a bunch of random loops, and sometimes its kind of pointing but other times its v round, idk if that makes sense at all sorry i feel like u have to see it to understand the mess it truly is

Snuggly:do you have a camera? if so, what kind

i have one of those polaroid instax minis ?? i think its called ?? but i always forget to bring it places with me so i dont use it much, but my goal this summer is to remember it and actually use it

Thimble:is there somebody you look up to? who are they

i dont rlly know for this one, i can’t think of anyone off the top of my head so the answer might be no and that might explain why i always feel so lost but maybe there is someone and im just a Fool and dont realize i look up to them and tbh i wouldnt be surprised if that’s the case 

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET 

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE 

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET 

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA 

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in  the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[survivormykonos]

Episode #1: “everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️” ~Robbie

First impressions these people are basic players who wont have very big personalities, and not willing to put a lot of effort into this game. Hopefully thats not the case and its just late so no one is really wide awake :) Because I came to play and I hope thats what everyone else came here to do as well 

Okay so my plan basically worked, winning the first reward competition by placing a good score has opened up one of many avenues to come. Ryan, and Zeezo want to work with me (bad choice for them since I will be winning this aka taking them out eventually but oh well)

Him hitting it off really well with this tribe they are all so friendly and welcoming, Ain is my main homegirl at the moment she is the best and jared is a nice friendly face so it should be interesting to see what the coming days are like.

so not 30 minutes in and meowth comes out with the question "what if someones racist" which to me carried an air of accusation it was public and clearly meant for all to see it just gives me a bit of an icky feeling towards meowth

I'm glad that others are getting higher scores than me because i definitely don't want to be presenting as a threat in challenges particularity not the first day so i just am hoping that ill land middle of the pack challenge wise

so this immunity is fun i love puzzles like these even though they are hard tbh im not completly happy about our chances but i hope we can push through and win or the other tribes internet fucks up, either or really

so right now the vote seems to be between Robbie and Mewoth (Josh) and tbh i dont care which goes because they havent spoken to me but whatever, in any case id rather keep someone who actually contributed to the challenge and if he doesn't step it up then Josh will be gone next

Going into tribal council i am very nervous, you never know where the vote is until the votes are read and if im on the wrong side of the vote i might not be around much longer

I dont know whats gonna go down here but i hope i do well

reunited with lukas my love

she sells seashells at the seashore

why is the first vote already so confusing and wild.... just decide on a person

WHATS UPPPP!!! Can’t say much because I’m busy but I’m stoked!!! Only two other girls on my team tho :/ but it’s ok! I have Stephen who I know but I’ll get into all that later and I have lukas and Sammy on the other tribe who I LOVE TO DEATH but obviously can’t tell anyone that. Ain is on the other side who I hate but I just hope she gets voted out and we never have to interact :’)

Honestly, living my best life and enjoying the brief small talk with my tribe mates. So far getting a good vibe from everyone but lets be real, shit (I can curse right... I lowkey have always wanted to say that) is definitely going to go down as soon as something goes wrong. But like *shrug*. 

OK LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT TIME THAT I DIDNT WANT TO GRAB THE LIGHT AND SHINE IT ON ME AND WE WIN FIRST IMMUNITY AND I GET SENT TO PARADISE ISLAND!!!!!!!!! Yeah, because like, screw the idea of trying to lay a tad low for the first vote. But hey, I guess when you are working with Zeezo and she tells you the immunity boxes must be evens because of the clue she got, and then you get sent to PI, it can't be all that bad. I'm so shook I don't even know if I'm making sentences rn hahaha. I hate saying this, but like I am so happy with where I am rn, but I def know there is so much more work to put in before my tribe ends up going to tribal. AND SPEAKING OF TRIBES, WHET ON EARTH? Two abstains in the reward and then a tie and only two points in the immunity challenge for Yalos? Did they also think they were cast in ANTM because like same. We've all been there, amiright? Can they continue to do this so I can just breeze my way to merge and start playing this game already??? Please and thank you. 

When I wake up and realize I have so much work to do for school but at least I don't have to worry about going to tribal tonight! I aint mad! At least Im not gonna be the Francesca of this season soooooooo..... 

So... ya boy just beat Jared in a word search comp... and beat him... and went to Super Paradise Island... and idk which greek god is on my side, but one them has ya boy's back because he just the sapphire gem... Like no big deal... I didn't expect to be the first voted out and then just somehow came across getting one of the first big advantages of the game... WE ARE ALL FINE GUYS!!!

I have Oakley, who voted me out on Athena: Himalayas and Olivia, who I voted out on Atomic: Isle of Skye on my tribe. And my immediate thought is I want to work with them. Olivia more than Oakley, I don’t have any beef with him from another season but he is sneaky. However my strategy especially at this point in the game is just make lersonal connections and pretend to have the strategic knowledge of a goldfish. Here’s hoping it works.

So far I’ve talked to most people but some are easier to connect to than others, Joanna seems the most distant, she responds but it doesn’t feel friendly. But we won, so we’re all good this round. I really hope Ain goes home, shes manipulative, vindictive and isn’t afraid to use underhanded tactics.

WOAH! So after being recommended to play by a friend, I found out he ALSO recommended Miles to play, although in the other tribe.. I have someone I know here although I kinda got them eliminated in a Twitter Survivor... Hmmm... So far in Kalafati tribe, Im liking Miles and Joanna, Haven't had much contact with the others but they seem really cool. Im so excited to play, Especially with winning a lucky hidden immunity Idol

I’m still waving the flag

I’m still waving the flag I hate that challenge. I got a respectable score but if i did all that just to have the Yalos player stop after a low score, I'll be sad

My first impressions of the tribe is pretty positive! No immediate negative figures jump out at me. I'm still testing the waters, trying to figure out if any people are potentials for alliance members. Some people like Olivia, Jacob, Miles, Stephen and Thomas have reached out to me which makes them seem like good potentials for friends. However, I want to see how the reward challenge goes before I can evaluate my teammates further. 

It's amazing that we won the reward challenge and I'm so happy that I performed as well as I did. However, I am worried about the immunity challenge. I'm happy with the flash game, but the controls are really wacky and I already know it will take forever to get used to.

I'm honestly a little worried seeing that I didn't preform very well in the immunity challenge. Thankfully, we still managed to pull off a win and we didn't have to worry about tribal. Speaking of tribal, I don't think there is anyway Robbie is going to stay, seeing that he abstained in the reward and striked in the immunity. Also, I feel like I want to work with Olivia, but Miles also seems like a good person to work with, but I haven't approached either of them yet. Still weighing my options and figuring out the best way to proceed. 

Honestly it doesn’t seem like anyone is playing hard yet which is annoying me. Because I want to play hard, but if no one else is people can get sketched out by highly strategic, social players

Honestly if I finess this vote and stay in the game after forfeiting two comps it will be hilarious. But everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️ Hope no one gets blind sided

So the first night went..... alright. My tribe wasn’t as energetic or as talkitive as I had expected. It appears as though I am on a tribe with all gay men, which sounds nice in theory, but I’m bracing for the moment these twinks start wildin. Aside from the gays, I know Ain from a past org and am starting to warm back up to her. We will probs stick together for awhile. As of now, that’s all. 

Robbie, queen of being inactive and making cases to stay last minute, came to me with the idea of booting Meowth instead. I said hell yeah! All for that shit! Not that I don’t like Meowth, it’s just I would love to do something unexpected for the first tribal. However, Sammy and Michael seem to be so against it for some reason. Lord knows why. I’m going to aim to be in the majority, but I may just cast my vote for Meowth for the hell of it. 

Ok I don’t quite remember what my last confessional was but I know for a fact I fucked up the names. Robbie is the one on the line, Sammy is just another gay. I swap their names all of the time. 

I really like this tribe so far! Everyone seems pretty chill and it's nice to know that at the moment, nobody is really mean-spirited. I know that Jacob has some past with the other Miles, but he's on the other tribe, so there's really no past relationships to deal with either, at least that I know of! I think that by far, I'd probably like to align with Olivia and Joanna for sure, and maybe Stephen, Zeezo,  Oakley, and Julian as well? I'd rather not get into scheming this early! I think it'd be much better for my game at the moment not to be the leader or figurehead of a group, but rather an updated member. I guess I'll have to see!

Alright so... Not a whole lot is going on, it's just the start of the game, we're just doing the first reward challenge. This tribe is just a bit too large for my taste but whatever, I'll manage. Getting to know all these people is interesting, which is funny because the absolute LAST word I would use to describe myself is "interesting"

I'm not entirely sure what use one would have for a fire making kit in an online survivor. Am I meant to set my laptop on fire? ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING????????? lmao...

There's a few people that I'm getting great vibes from. Miles would probably be the biggest one rn. I would love nothing more than to get some sort of alliance going sooner rather than later JUST IN CASE but like I don't want to be the one to actively go out and do it because if someone leaks RIP ME. Idk what I'm doing just yet. We'll figure this out.

We won the first immunity and don't have to vote anyone out, that's awesome. I can't help but feel just a little concerned though, everyone's almost a little TOO peaceful on this tribe. I'm not saying I'd want to LOSE a comp and have to face tribal but the reads I'm getting from everyone is giving me a sense of unease. I do enjoy winning though and wouldn't mind winning out. I'm just saying, I feel very uneasy with the vibes I'm receiving. Good lord I just repeated myself there. Oh well.

I really like this tribe so far! Everyone seems pretty chill and it's nice to know that at the moment, nobody is really mean-spirited. I know that Jacob has some past with the other Miles, but he's on the other tribe, so there's really no past relationships to deal with either, at least that I know of! I think that by far, I'd probably like to align with Olivia and Joanna for sure, and maybe Stephen, Zeezo,  Oakley, and Julian as well? I'd rather not get into scheming this early! I think it'd be much better for my game at the moment not to be the leader or figurehead of a group, but rather an updated member. I guess I'll have to see!

I think I'm pretty safe after this immunity challenge. I was one of 2 people to win the head to head for my tribe and therefore I have a chance to go to Paradise Island! I'm trying my best NOT to go though because I think that would put a target on my back very early on.

Right now my closest ally is Matt and I feel that we have a strong bond. We're each other's #1's and talking back and forth over who should go tonight. I'm very torn for who I'm voting for at tribal tonight, it's either Meowth (Josh) or Robbie. I've heard that Robbie may have gotten the majority but I don't feel 100% on wanting him still in the game. Yes, Meowth is weak in challenges but he's another easy vote moving forward in the future.

So, what's been going for me so far?  Well, reward challenge I busted my ass and showed what I can do, which was great!  WE lost, which sucks, and 2 people didn't submit.  Those 2 were Miles and Robbie.  This made me upset, mostly because Miles I know from my Minecraft UHC days, so we made an instant alliance from that.  Robbie I didn't care about.  Then came immunity, where once again, Robbie was unable to compete, and I still stand by that I was robbed in my challenge because of a shit quality image, but this is what I'm used to from online games like this, so I'll move on (eventually).  We got rekt in immunity, and the obvious choice was looking like Robbie for not submitting twice.  So, being the intelligent player I am, I basically pitched to Robbie that he was going home unless he made a better pitch about someone else.  He aimed at Michael, someone who I somewhat wanted to work with at the time (in hind sight, I wouldn't have cared much).  I proposed, instead, we vote for meowth (Joshua) because he just rubbed me the wrong way, under-performed, and refused to talk game strategy with me at all.  I pulled in Lukas and Jared, as well as had Ain in my pocket, and with the acquiring of Sammy by both me and Robbie, the vote should be set in our favor.  I'm still trying to convince Miles to roll with us so he's not on the losing end of the vote, but I think its 50/50 whether he will or won't.  Honestly, I feel pretty safe with this vote, being that I was a top performer and have shown how active I strive to be in these games.  I'm not super worried about this vote and hope that Robbie sticks around.  Hopefully, he becomes a powerful player and a big help in challenges.  If he's not, he'll go next for sure.  Let's hope I don't live to regret these words!

I think I’m in a pretty safe spot right now, but we def have people who think they are running the show around here...SIT DOWN or else you’ll become a target early😉 but I like everyone just don’t know who we should keep...someone who hasn’t been active or someone who tries but does not communicate. Eh either way I’m not on the chopping block sooooo. Okay wow that sounds rude but um i like everyone:) yikes

Honestly, this is a fung ame and a fun set of people. Just hope my time here isn't too short.

So far I feel pretty good about my tribe even though there a couple people I forgot to ever talk to oops. We seem to be good at challenges and get along well. I've connected most with Ryan so far and told him my idol clue to gain his trust. He's told me he trusts me the most out of anyone so that's good. After we talked we decided to pull in a 3rd and settled with Thomas since he got the best score in the reward challenge. After consulting with Ryan I decided to share my clue with Thomas too and the 3 of us officially performed an alliance. I think with this alliance my goal is to think more long term. Thomas is probabaly going to on Tinder performing well at challenges and be a shield for me. He also doesn't seem to talk to a lot of other people. Meanwhile Ryan seems like the type of person who might play too hard so he could be another shield. Plus we get along really well so far so that's good :') We might pull in a 4th for the alliance later since Thomas is kind of inactive and Ryan suggested Stephen so I'm interested to see how that will pan out. In other news Ryan got sent to paradise island and got the sapphire gem thing so that's great :') So if one of us finds the idol we should have great power in the game so I'm looking forward to the rest of the game 

Nothing is going really because we have been on a winning streak and have been crushing it. I knew Stephen from a previous game and we agreed to work together. He is not being extremely subtle about it but I think he wants to work with Olivia because he has mentioned her a lot and how he likes her. I don't mind that because I do like her but I am worried about the two of them being closer to each other than to me because I know they know each other. I am really liking Ryan as well and would like to work with him. I am worried I am not being as social as I should be because I do notice that I don't talk to as many people as I would like. Miles I have talked to a bit but haven't built much of a relationship with him and everyone else I have said hi to and talked to a bit but I haven't really built anything or know anything about them. I just hope we can win long enough for me to build those relationships because I am worried that I am one of the two people to lose my round in the immunity challenge.

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 7)

blerg, I wanted to hit page 500 in the last chunk o’ liveblog, but alas. We continue on. This book is just too dense, the liveblog posts are too long and I will continue to mention that in every one of these posts, ‘cause it’s wild just how much is in here!

Part 7 encompasses pages 476-557 (previous parts)

OOOOOOOH JASNAH POV!!!!

hey, her art bubble is the old Shallan art bubble. that’s...boring. why doesn’t she get her own?

I’m emotional about Taln forever and ever

Jasnah being paranoid about her safety and assassins and stuffing her ventilation shaft with cloths is...so... You don’t expect Jasnah to be scared, but here she is. It makes perfect sense--she got stabbed through the chest, of course she’s scared--but she’s so poised and in control, you just don’t expect it.

OMG Jasnah had back up files of her notes!!! That’s brilliant.

spanreeds are so cool

do we know which type of spren Ivory is? if we do I don’t remember.

just keep reading, Megan, they’ll tell you. Inkspren. ...of course.

also, I’d been wondering how Jasnah was “broken”--since all the Radiants are--and somehow I never expected childhood illness. that’s a logical breaking point, but I never even thought of it.

THERE WAS A JASNAH AND HOID’S MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!! THERE WAS!!! I’VE BEEN ROBBED!!!

but also, wtf did she learn, what did she learn from him. I’m guessing it’s the same thing the Stormfather refused to tell Dalinar... about all ten orders returning.

god, I really, really hope that my theory about them replacing the Heralds is wrong. I don’t want that. ..

(It’s a good theory though; the first new members of the ten orders all make a new Oathpact at the end of the fifth book. the back five are about their first time breaking and the first Desolation post-this one. It’s awful and I don’t want it, but you gotta admit, it’s an interesting theory, at least in a meta way.)

also I’m sad no one likes the honorspren. Syl is such a good. then again, she’s different than her peeps, she always says.

gaahhh, the Moash chapters are killing me every time I see that patchless shoulder I just die a lil bit inside

“Compared to bridge duty, this was paradise.” I’M CRYING??? This is so, so much the ‘I did that, so I can survive anything’ mentality and I’m cry.

okay, but can all of the Fused use all of the Surges? or do they all do different things? Do they have the equivalent of radiant orders?

(I’m going to be so excited if Moash gets a spren, but I feel like he maybe has to take responsibility for his actions first...)

aaahh Moash is taking the Kaladin route of “I don’t care about these people but storm it, I’m helping them anyway”.

OH SHIT Those are the ones who Kaladin helped, aren’t they... they brought “a false god” that was Kaladin shit shit shit they are getting punished for him. He would die if he knew, oh god.

AAAHH MOASH IS A GOOD “You’re becoming like us” Ohhhh goooddd yep. yep. wow. Be better. Do better. The theme of this book, and I love it. I LOVE MOASH AAHHH

punk!Dalinar not being allowed to fight is wild.

OOOHH THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM HE’S BEEN HURTING PEOPLE?? WHY!!!!?? YOU GOTTA TELL HIM HE’S DESTROYING PEOPLE’S LIVES BY BEING A BLACKOUT DRUNK AND FIGHTING PEOPLE

THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING AND HE SHOULD KNOW THAT

his name means “born unto light” oh my god that’s delightful oh my god

ohno. you should not send Dalinar back to war, u should keep him at home and maybe find him a therapist to talk to him about the Thrill...

FLYING KHOLINS AHOY!!

“something profoundly disconcerting about being out on the ocean” disconcerting? You’ve misspelled exciting.

They are holding hands while flying that’s adorable

I love that it’s “Elhokar’s team” when we all know Kaladin will end up in charge, much to Adolin’s chagrin...

No comment on what Dalinar’s hair looks like all windswept, obviously that means he’s been windswept into full greaser-style pompadour.

“shellheads” really? wtf. you didn’t call them that before. it’s only after they gain sentience that you give them derogatory nicknames?

High King Dalinar founding his own kingdom is wild to think about...

All of Navani’s scribes and engineers are so excitable. I love it.

Dalinar sneaking about without guards is nervewracking. Pls be safe, buddy.

“what else were important lighteyes going to do with unmotivated children?” Uuh...motivate them? Don’t just throw them aside to the church and expect them to drain resources by doing nothing for the rest of their lives? Find some way for them to be productive members of society? Why is this such a hard concept?

Fucking lighteyes

“He was RURAL Alethi he CAN’T be a HERALD” fuck off, Kadash. Kaladin is from a backwater and he’s a Radiant. And Taln wasn’t a king. We know this.

“No spiritual basis for rule” seems like a good thing to me...separation fo church and state and all that...

Something I’m not surprised that Vorinism sucks ass at caring for the mentally ill...

Yeah, ok, but who cut Taln’s wall from the outside? one of the other Heralds? Someone who still has their honorblade? Or some...Diagram/Ghostblood/SonofHonor mofo who realized before we did that Taln is a Herald? I’M CONCERNED FOR MY ANCIENT BROKEN SON

“Lately, he didn’t much like himself.” Noooooo, Moaaaashhh!! I still like you! A lot!!!

I am absolutely delighted that the Fused point their toes when they are flying. My synchronized swimming ass is just...DELIGHTED

“You don’t farm an apocalypse.” heheheh

The tavern is called the Fallen Tower? really? Dalinar’s army fell at the Tower... and Bridge Four saved them. really.

omg noooo noooooooooo no

nooo

nooooooooo

that’s

a lumberyard. and

ladderruns. that’s the same damn thing oh god

no, I don’t want this.

Let Moash Live 2k17

There’s a weird trend of swapping PoVs in the middle of a chapter. I’m not used to it.

“They acted like they owned her already.” I mean...they kinda do, Shallan. You kinda fucked up with them.

“without her having to remain at the meeting” hon, you are needed at the meetings for reasons other than your mapmaking skills??

“I am my own woman” teeeechnically, you’re...what, Taravangian’s subject now? Right, he’s in charge of Vedenar.

Evi deserves better than punk!Dalinar. Him yelling at her because she invaded his manly man-space is gross and he should stop

Navani just chilling with Evi and Ialai is wild. I legit can’t imagine them all getting along.

Also, I love that Renarin’s name is just a name. I love the convoluted meaning of nothing. it’s great.

Evi is a Good and she! deserves! better!

oh god babies

tiny, tiny babies

Evil flying chulls!! Tiny Adolin is too cute oh god

Just writing down that page 519 is the glyph alphabet. That’s important, you know. :)

NanKhet’s list of assassination attempts and then his like... banquet of executions. is some Greek mythology shit up in here. That’s #yikes

Pastry chef scholar man! I love it! I love that there aRE people in Vorin lands who don’t adhere to Vorinism’s gender roles, people who think gender roles are for squares.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend has waaay too many names. Nakku, Nalan, Nale. This is why I just still call him Hello Darkness.

“Did you misplace her?” One does not simply misplace Lift.

They keep talking about how Thaylen City was super wrecked by the Everstorm and that’s fair, but like...has anyone heard from Shin? Talk about being unprotected for a wrong-way highstorm...

Jasnah reflexively sucking in Stormlight the second Amaram appears in the doorway is Big Mood.

“Other than the fact that you are a detestable buffoon who acheives only the lowest level of mediocrity, as it is the best your limited mind can imagine? I can’t possibly think of a reason.” GOD FUCKING BLESS.

“Give me an excuse. I dare you.” BIGGEST MOOD EVER OH MY GOD

yeah, you run away. fucker.

“The Windrunner” “the flying bridgeman” “brightlord broodingeyes” HE HAS A NAME, LADIES. He has a name.

I’m super tired of everyone--especially Jasnah--underestimating and disregarding Renarin.

And then he goes and does COOL SHIT LIKE FIND THE RESONATING LIBRARY!!!!??

Also, Jasnah can infuse gems with light? wacky fun.

oohh LIghtweaving isn’t just light it’s “and various waveforms” Renarin’s LIghtweaving is super different from Shallan’s isn’t it!!? I can’t want to see MOAR SURGES

Nooooo, Moash.... you gotta do the Kaladin thing! You can’t let go! Look at you, you are already helping the people he helped. You can’t stop yourself any more than he could. You’re not here to let go. You’re here to remember how to care.

Moash bby, I know you are prone to stupid decisions, but please...please don’t do anything stupid...

.........like that.

okay, creepy flying in charge lady. is creepy.

Okay, teaching the parshmen how to spear is good? sort of? from a certain point of view.

Ooooh Rlain pov!!! That’s new and interesting.

you know why is he here? How did he not get eaten by the first Everstorm?

HECK YE ALL FIVE LADY SCOUT WINDRUNNER SQUIRES HEEECKKK YYESSSSS

THEMS MY GIRLS

“He loved them because they did try.” Aaaahhhhh

“That’s like...extra manly.” I’m not sure that’s how being gay works, but I’ma roll with it. :D

“I guess it’s just a thing men say. Can you tell me how it feels?” “I can try.” KALADIN IS A GOOD WHO IS TRYING VERY HARD AND RLAIN IS ALSO A GOOD WHO IS TRYING VERY HARD AND I’M EMOTIONAL

I am so glad they are Trying Together.

That is an interesting question...did the magic stagnate them? stop people from being interested in finding non-magic ways of doing things? not just steel, but like...idk, indoor plumbing and better ways of farming, or anything that a Soulcaster can do. Why would you need better ways when you have the magic way?

It’s a very Harry Potter Wizard Wolrd mentality, tbh.

Oh shit, the Recreance was 2k years AFTER the Heralds bugged out and broke the Oathpact? That’s a long time for them to keep going without their leaders? and then to suddenly stop after all that time? whyyyy

what did they learn? about their spren? Jasnah knows.

Oh no!!!

nooo

he can hear the spren dying!!!???? OH NOOO

OH SNAP

WHAT

WHAT

NO

UM??? WHAT

THE FUCK?

HOW DID HE HACK DALINAR’S VISION?? WHERE DID HE COME FROM? HOW DID HE GET HERE? HOW DANGEROUS IS HE IN THIS FORM? HOW IS HE HERE?

WHAT

IS

HAPPENING

god, how many times did Dalinar rely on the Thrill? that’s got to leave some kind of bond, some connection. Something Odium can exploit.

God, it’s still really weird to think of Odium--the bad guy--as light, gold, white. it’s refreshing, but also wtf

Ah, fuck off, you’re not a god. The Shardholders are not gods. They’re just dudes with extra powerful magic. Ask Sazed.

God, okay, the STormfather is so. scared. wtf.

Oooohh, he hasn’t gotten Cultivation yet. She’s hidden and he’s bound--not very well if he’s here now, but still.

Can she help us?

Why does he...have to kill people? Is it because he’s the avatar of hatred of something else?

...interesting. Passion.

..........interesting that the Thaylens worship the Passions.

Also, I resent that if he’s All Sorts of Emotion/Passion, there’s the implication that all emotion eventually leads to violence, and I RESENT THAT SO HARD

oh snap, Cultivation is the Nightwatcher? What? I did not expect that...

goes further to the None of the Three Shards Are Good or Bad

though Odium might be lying...

what the shit

was that the Odium hell planet?

Did....did Lift just... scare him away?

I’m increaingly thinking shes got a bit of Cultivation in her. She’s not just a kiddo, and not just a Radiant, there’s something funky going on with her, and I think it’s something powerful enough to scare Odium.. hm...

EEEEYYYYY END PART TWO!!!!!

eww gross, Taravangian AND Venli? Bad interludes are bad. Where’s Szeth? I miss him.

[mxlxdroit]

shallan davar and ambiguity

the title isn’t about her being ambiguously bi.™ there’s no ambiguity there, y’all

the split/mixed opinion on shallan in the cosmere fandom is interesting because usually in branderson’s books u know who’s good/bad/morally questionable but it’s ok/morally questionable and it’s not ok. look at other protagonists:

vin- will kill you, but still principled, moral, and likeable. stunningly well developed and sympathetic. her motivations make sense, she’s complex but not confusingly so, and throughout the series, you know that rooting for her and hers is rooting for good

kelsier- will kill you and won’t feel bad about it. he’s not a moral paragon, and vin, elend, dockson, etc know this. overall, though, his goal is to free an enslaved majority of the population, overthrow a tyrant, and make sure that there’s a contingency plan for after the revolution, which a lot of literary rebels forget. bloodthirsty? yep! does what he wants because he has his own moral code that’s kind of independent from anyone/everyone else’s? yep! sets himself up as a pseudo-Jesus including starting a cult around an idealized version of himself that any and every one of his friends can attest did not exist? yep! isn’t dead even though why isn’t he dead he should be dead? yep! has no qualms about hating and wanting to kill a large group of people? yep! but overall, the cause he leads and articulates is good

kaladin- won’t kill you (eh maybe it depends) and also prevents you from killing anyone else. depressed™ (both generally and seasonally, i think. he needs a diagnosis, therapy, and honestly probably meds, but i think he would deny that if u told him :((( ) and severely lacking coping mechanisms, which for many people in this here fandom makes him relatable, and has a heart of freaking gold despite being abrasive and not liking the upper classes because they’re the source of his problems and have caused the deaths of the people who mean the most to him (again, v relatable). makes good decisions that inadvertently make things go bad for him, but keeps trying anyways

adolin- getting there.™ not terribly smart, but loving and loyal and lovably goofy. is an alethi male stereotype but also transcends that by having other defining characteristics and motivations. cares a lot about his family aww

renarin- uhhhh so socially awkward but super smart and usually right. he isn’t a model of an alethi male- he can’t fight- which means he doesn’t fit in and it’s hard for him to make friends even in groups of outcasts. same, my man.

dalinar- HONOR HONOR HONOR literally gets the stormfather to be his spren. he does epic stuff, can kill you but probably wouldn’t, cares for his sons, makes mistakes but mostly because honor just vagues at him and expects him to figure it out somehow, and is trying to unite a society that is centered around military conflict and social division to save the world (he isn’t there with the social equality thing yet. hopefully he gets there eventually)

raoden- annoying to a lot of people apparently but again, trying to save people’s lives, cure a terrible illness (though a lot of that comes because he becomes personally invested in it. he wouldn’t have done so otherwise). he learns to have empathy for other groups of people and is just generally the Good Guy in the story

alcatraz (idk if any of y’all have read the alcatraz vs the evil librarians series but it’s a gem and it was actually my introduction to branderson! elementary school flashback here)- rude but in a funny and mostly self-deprecating way. ***SPOILER*** he does choose his own life over his father’s, but he is 1. a teenager and 2. yeah sure he shouldn’t have but it was kind of necessary for the series and is darkly realistic (aka kids’ book? who cares). the smedrys are actually more morally ambiguous than a lot of the protagonists in branderson’s adult books. so maybe this doesn’t really prove my point but ANYWAYS

here’s the thing though: shallan is different partially because who? is ? she? what even is her personality we don’t actually know. she goes through serious trauma at a young age and cannot trust ANYONE in her life, so she learns to repress pretty much every part of herself so she can keep living and functioning. she has a weirdly developed morality, partly because she looks up to jasnah kholin, partly because she’s hiding her real personality from herself, partly because of her upbringing/socialization, and partly because she’s had to do terrible things and can’t process them in a healthy way. her unclear motivations and weird, nebulous personas make her hard to understand and evaluate, either as generally good or generally bad. she isn’t a reliable narrator of her own life or her emotions/motivations in the present (which, honestly? i relate to... a lot), and that makes it hard to judge her character. if she is/becomes a villain, who is it in relation to? might it be justified in some ways? what are good and bad on roshar, beyond the morality codes of an ancient magical/military society? what is good when honor is dead? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhh ugh

also no i haven’t read any of oathbringer so if any of this is answered please don’t tell me thanks

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #3: “I Wanna Start S#!t” - Chelsea

Honestly, Steffen, not much has happened for me in the first two episodes. We'll go over it really quick. I liked my original tribe of 5 with Jules, Liam, Christine, and Ryan. They were all awesome. My mentor, Colin, a fellow House of Shade alumni--also awesome. We won the flash game challenge (of the 5 competitors of my tribe, I scored 1 point which landed me in the middle of our tribe rankings). I bonded with Christine early. That could be something to hang onto. The following round was a crapshoot competition and we won that, too! On my new tribe, I like Lauren and Jack and I also have Christine there. I really wish there was more dirt or drama because I love writing lengthy confessionals, but things are just getting started here!

Alright. So I guess no one wants pleasant kind hearted lily around. They want mean angry bitter ass lily which I'm happy to give but they ain't gonna like it. I got an extra vote on this island thing that no one is gonna know about because fuck these bitches. I know I will need the upper hand later when the couples try to destroy the singles. When I get out of reflection island I'm gonna try to buddy up with Connor and ask him to be my new mentor. Jules I'm pissed. I wish I knew exactly what happened but I will try to get to the bottom of it and make sure all those losers pay. I hope you start feeling better too. I feel like I can't trust anyone after that but Jackson seems pretty genuine of not knowing or not being able to do anything. But, because of this HUGE betrayal everyone on that other tribe can fend for themselves. I'll be all nice nice yeah I'd love to work with you but nah. I ain't interested. Let's be clear here, I have no loyalties and I'm not playing some kind of loyal game. You cut my mentor ill cute you. BYE Andreas also told me about Jules getting voted out most likely before the vote which is cool. I appreciate that. But Nicholas Colin we ain't buddies. I'm rooting for a student to win but it ain't y'all. Tonight I will hopefully put together a board of what original tribes people were on their swap tribe and who their mentor is. I think this will help me get a better picture of what's going on. Also, being bitter as fuck only two days in? My aesthetic. 

Oh and also I miss the damn creative challenge? There better be more to come because I'm sad. I've never done a music video challenge this was my shot and these bitches took me out!!! What the HECKIE???? 

nothing's really happened imo. this main is slow. i want drama. nicholas said there's a majority cross tribe alliance. where's my invite? i wanna start shit. my goal is just to make merge so i can blow up, the best way "Trixsea" Steele knows how. :) :) :)

I know i killed this music video challenge, but Chelsea told me that me and only 3 others submitted anything and after re-reading the rules and seeing that its an extra 5 points for every appearance we could actually be fucked. It wouldn't be to big of a problem because honestly I like going to tribal and getting to vote people off, but I also know of the cross tribe majority alliance who supposedly has majority on our tribe right now. If we lose this I'll probably try to blow up and either shake that alliance up or go out in a blaze of chaotic glory.  

Im at tribal right now and I was getting a sick feeling that I was going to be the one voted out... But I always feel like that. I think that I am going to get my team together, Liam got a vote and if he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with me (even thought he said he wanted to) so yeah.... Me, Andreas, Colin, Liam, Ryan, Jackson... Then we have the numbers? yeah cus there is only nine of us rn. We could pull in Conner to make life really easy and to add a couple number just encase. If we do that then out of everyone we would have: Me and Liam, Colin and Brett, Ryan and Jackson, Andreas and... someone (-_- sorry) and then Conner who lost their student. Thats 9 people in a game with 18? maybe that  about half. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore but I do know that this needs to happen soon before I get bumped to the side... I do no like being a side bitch 

Ahhhh, I'm literally so in love with this challenge it was so much fun and Chelsea did such an amazing job editing it. If we don't win I'll be shocked...and scared. Lauren disappeared for a bit and didn't participate so like I'm a little...or a lot worried for her. As of right now I literally love this tribe. QuilLynn is super smart and I adore her, Willow and Chelsea are sweet and adorable and Brett is a gem. I guess the only person I haven't clicked with is Jack but for now everything's looking good and Im hoping we win the challenge :)

Whew, I'm so excited to have won immunity! The challenge was so much fun and now...its messy cause alliances are starting to form and QuilLynn told me about one that apparently me and Lauren are in? So I don't know if Lauren's making deals without me or what, but nobody's approached me specifically and I'm not in any chats so! I'm not sure what's going on and I don't like it. I think right now my #1 is QuilLynn. She's smart, sweet and very easy to talk to so I officially adore her and wanna protect her at all costs. I need to get things in order with Lauren cause I don't wanna get in the middle of some warfare we don't need to be in. 

We lost. Again. This is the worst. My tribe is cursed. Kinda. It's like a blessing in disguise for me tbh. I'm using this time to recover from last round and regroup. There's more talk of a majority alliance forming and I wanna make sure it happens so I can solidify my place in it. I think my number 1 ally has shifted from Nicholas to Jackson now. Jackson is literally my fave person in this game. He's so nice and fun to talk to, he's socially and strategically aware, and most importantly, he's really cute and nice to look at so! I still got that alliance with JD and Andreas but I am not really loyal to it. JD seems to playing messily and I've mentioned before Andreas seems too well connected for his own good. Anyway, onto this vote! Literally? The only thing I've heard? Is Connor? but....... that's all I've heard. Connor isn't putting out another name. No one else is putting out another name. And that's a recipe for paranoia in my mind. I wanna trust the majority that's been built, JD says Jackson and Ryan will be voting with us, and I trust them 10000% but I'm a paranoid hoe. 

my confessional game so far has been weak af so far like I literally forgot to write a confessional last round, so I guess I'll just do a quick recap. Essentially I have mixed feelings about my tribe bc there are 3 other people who I really like Chelsea, QuilLynn, and Gage. We ended up creating an alliance and QuilLynn titled it "arent you Klad I didn't say fjorden" which is iconic! Anyway that cookie challenge last round killed me but I'm glad I came up with the strategy to split 3 on 0, 3 on 9 and 3 in the middle. Lily was convinced that they weren't going to put all their cookies on one of our tribe mates so like I'm kinda glad I proved her wrong lmao idk. As for the people I have mixed feelings about Jack is okay I mean he usually replies but in PMs he can be kinda boring and give one word answers. Christine is really nice but she just doesnt reply a lot? maybe she just doesnt like small talk or something. Brett, I've heard really good things about him but he only replies when its about him lol, like if I ever start sharing one of my stories or whatever idk he just stops replying lol. Lauren, okay shes super cute but seems inactive. Anyway I was like super excited that we got to do the music video challenge this round, its always super fun even though what I make is always really awkward lmao. Anyway like 4 people from our tribe didnt submit, Jack was sick (so he says), Gage was moving which is alright, and Lauren (didn't say anything about why she didn't do it lol), and Chelsea was editing so its all good. Shes like a really good editor and our video turned out great so I'm glad we won even though we had like 4 people in the video compared to them having like 7. So then QuilLynn informs me that Chelsea told her that theres a majority alliance of like 8ish people?? like what the fuck thats about half the people here. So its Andreas-Jack, Colin-Brett, JD-Liam, and potentially Lauren-Christine. And there are a bunch of people we're unsure could be in the alliance. And then as Im hearing about the alliance I'm realizing that it consists of the people on my tribe who dont always reply to me lol or when they do are boring. And I mean I know im not the most interesting texter but these people are worse then me. So then I was talking to Ryan and asking him about his tribe and the reward and stuff to see if I could get any information about whether if hes in the majority or not without directly asking. So I was like whats was the idol clue reward this time and he told me about how it has to do with whoever gets the lowest score in the challenge, which sounds super complicated bc if someone with the lowest score doesnt have the clue then no one gets the idol. And he gave the clue to me, and I wanna give it to QuilLynn but we dont need too many people throwing the challenge and if one of our alliance members already has it then it should be alright, and it'll keep up my trust with Ryan since Im not supposed to give it to anyone so Im hoping its a win win. but he told me that I wasnt supposed to tell anyone about what the reward was but before he told me that I had already told my alliance bc I think I trust them more oops? but I think I want to trust Ryan. I told him that I heard rumors about a cross tribe majority alliance but thats all I knew, and he told me about a group of mentors and students talk about a potential alliance and they asked Danielle about it and she told Ryan she would try to get him in if she could. So then I tried talking to Danielle just making small talk or whatever and she only gave one word answers, which was fucking weird? Like some shit is clearly going on that I dont know about? I can already tell im becoming messy af which I wanted to not try to do as much as I did last season but maybe im just naturally a messy player and theres nothing I can do about it lol. Anyway I hope the majority isnt something I should worry about and I hope they self destruct somehow or Im just hoping that it doesnt exist at all and it was just a rumor made up to scare people or some shit. 

[groundramon]

I havent even started rewatching Season 4 during my steven universe rewatching so idk why this is coming to me now but....I kinda dont get the criticisms that “Steven has become selfish”/”Steven doesn’t care about others anymore”/”Steven used to care about everyone and go out of his way to help other gems, but now he doesn’t and that’s inconsistent and bad writing” (the last one is more accurately what people complain about i believe, bc boy....a character being selfish isn’t something to criticize the show on unless they’re completely unlikeable, which I dont think applies to Steven [unless you personally have a beef with the personality tropes he resembles])

Like, I get it to an extent?  I get some of the criticisms? but idk ill try to explain

Lets start with how Steven acted in season 1 and season 2.  In season 1 he helped save both Lapis and Centipeetle despite 1. the gems telling him it was a bad idea, and 2. both of them trying to kill his friends at some point.  A lot of people use this as evidence to say “see? he should’ve helped the rubies and/or bismuth and/or the humans in the human zoo!” but that’s not...entirely a fair comparison imo.  In Lapis and Centipeetle’s case, both of them befriended Steven before he knew/comprehended their destructive capabilities.  He defended them against the crystal gems for his own “selfish” interests - he defended them because he liked them, not necessarily because it was the right thing to do.  Like, we never saw him defend other corrupted gems and try to befriend them - the reason Centipeetle was different was solely because she became Steven’s friend.  Furthermore, attacking Steven was the “last straw” - or in Lapis’s case, didn’t happen at all.  When Centipeetle attacked Steven, the Crystal Gems bubbled her again - sure, she came back, but uhhhh i have a feeling Bismuth and the human zoo humans are coming back too.  In Lapis’s case, she never was trying to attack him; there was a reason she talked to him and not anyone else.  She never directly tried to harm Steven.  And when it came to characters like Jasper and Peridot, he didnt care about either of them until he was in a position where he could befriend them - in Jasper’s case she refused, while in Peridot’s case, he accidentally unbubbled her and that’s how they became friends.  Not to mention, Peridot’s “great plan of attack” on Steven when he unbubbled her was to just slap him.  She wasn’t a threat to his safety, unlike Bismuth and the Rubies.

The Rubies, meanwhile, never befriended Steven - furthermore, he did try to save one, aaaand then almost got murdered by her.  Despite her acting aggressive throughout the entire conversation, Steven tried to help her, let her into his bubble, and healed her injury.  And then he was almost murdered for it.  AND EVEN THEN, he was still happy to see that she was alright in the Trial.   Not to mention, in both Centipeetle and Lapis’s cases, there was something Steven could do to try to save them - they were present, he could talk to them, he could use his healing powers to help them.  He couldn’t do much to help the Rubies; they were all floating in space in who knows where.

In Bismuth’s case, well, I dont think Steven owes her anything; she tried to murder him, plain and simple.  Like, she wasn’t trying to “poof” him (which still would’ve probably killed him) - she tried to shatter him.  We still dont know what’d happen if Steven was shattered, but I’d say that’d definitely kill him because it’d hurt both his human half and his gem half.  She was trying to get rid of him for good.  Not even the Ruby did that.  I’ve still got a problem with how the other crystal gems reacted to Bismuth being bubbled (besides maybe Amethyst), but Steven’s reaction was pretty fair imo.  Although, I suppose you could argue that Steven “befriended” her beforehand like she did with Centipeetle and Lapis, but...he never really specifically befriended her, yknow?  Like everyone was saying how great she was, Steven didnt seem to have a problem with her, but it wasn’t like Lapis and Centipeetle where he felt so strongly about the friendship that he defended them against the crystal gems.

The human zoo humans I kinda agree with you on, but kinda dont.  Like the Rubies, there’s nothing Steven can do to help them, and they did act hostilely towards him and his dad.  But...they certainly werent any more of a threat to Steven’s personal safety than Lapis, even factoring out the fact that they’re just humans.  And Steven did befriend some of them.  I suppose they were pretty happy in the zoo so maybe Steven just isn’t worried for their safety, but...I dont know, I still feel like he should’ve at least asked “can we save them?” only to be promptly told “no”.  Like I said, I think they’re going to revisit the human zoo and save the humans later, but the fact that Steven is so unconcerned for their safety seems....uncharacteristic.  So yeah, I see what you mean there, but that’s only 1/3 arguments that I agree with you on...

Idk man, you do you but personally it doesnt seem that OOC for how Steven has treated characters/villains over the years .  He tried to befriend them, but they turned on him - and when they became a legitimate threat to his own safety, he’s always dumped them.  And yes you can absolutely call him selfish for (probably unintentionally) prioritizing his own safety over his friends when it comes to befriending gems, but still.  A character having a flaw isn’t something to criticize unless it makes them completely unlikeable in a way that the writers didnt intend.  (What I mean by that is that you can have an intentionally jerkish and unlikeable character, like Bojack from Bojack Horseman, but in SU, it’s pretty clear that Steven is supposed to be a loveable protagonist, so if you find him unlikeabe then yeah there’s a problem)

[atpeacewithme-blog1]

*November 28th, 2016

Hey. It’s been a while. Give me a minute to catch up and read what I told you last. Okay wow. Well where to start. lets see…… Well Beauty and the Beast went… well. it was odd. Two nights before opening night a mom/co-director yelled at the director in from of the whole cast and took her children out of the show. one of them was a lead role. we has to switch around role but we made it work. opening night was great but then Frank (The Beast) got horribly sick and couldn’t come in for the next show so our Gaston (Justin) stepped in as Beast, our feather duster (Pearl) stepped in as Gaston, and a tech girl stepped in as feather duster. It was rough but we made it work, that was closing night. I was in a small ensamble concert with a couple friends June 9th 2016. We sang a choral piece we did last year called can’t think of a fake song name so I am putting nothing lol. It is such a beautiful piece. I went to a shrink for the first time and got medication for my Bipolar Depression. I joined band CLASS for senior year playing Mellophone and that is exciting. I started practicing in May during my lunch and then went to all the summer lessons even though I didn’t really need to because they were doing music I wouldn’t have to do but I eventually to tested on that so I am glad I went to those. I got my senior pictures taken July 11th 2016 and most of them turned out horrible but I really wish we can still order them because come on they are my senior pictures. John took me to a fair July 13th for my birthday and I did some stuff for the first time. JULY 15TH 2016!!!! I took my drivers test and passed, went home to make sure we had everything for the dmv, went to the dmv, didn’t have everything we needed, went home to get my social #, went to dmv, went home because we didn’t have the little blue card, went to dmv, FINALLY got my license. I wore a really cute outfit that day with a cute skirt. a guy commented on my skirt as i was coming out of my car going to the fun group I am in bus for a weekend thing. It was fun, scary because one of the 2 girls (Cerena/Kirsten) were there, but fun. GOT MY CAR JULY 21ST 2016!!!! Here I said what kind of car I have. HER NAME IS GEM!!!I went to a week long trip with that same group and that was also VERY scary because both of those girls were there. some stuff did happen towards the end with them but it didn’t really matter because I did have a fun time. Sport I am in camp was too hot. we had people passing out left and right. the last day we had to take our water breaks inside because it was so bad. I could really feel a difference in myself because of the medicine that I was taking for my depression and that is great. I got out of bed more and hung out with friends and my boyfriend!!! the rest of the summer was pretty fun :) *Rrrrrriiiiiinnnngggg* now time to talk about the beginning of SENIOR YEAR. pf course my schedule was messed up it always is so lets forget about the first few days. I started off perfectly. doing ALL of my work and having an A+ in every class. on September 10th my school had there first football game and my dad let me go out with John afterwards. we parked across from the new pier in my town because the water was nice and I didn’t get home until sometime after 12 because…..well…. lets just say I did something else I never did before. ooh Marie invited me over for Rosh Hashanah and I felt so honored haha. I tell Marie every single little detail that goes on between me and John and she did the same thing to me about her and her boyfriend.Sep. 24th the sport I am in went to their first competition of the season and we won 1st place :) Since I am captain I accept the award with the “co- captains” (they are not really co-captains but idk what else to call them without giving it away. oh well.) and do the salute with them and that was so cool and fun. here lets see if I can write the salute down, this will be difficult. (1-2-3-4-1-2-step-forward-fist and arm point to sky- fist and arm point forward- armdown-look up-arm up and point like pointing to stars and drop it to the right for 5-6-7- look straight ahead- arms sharp low V- right hand salute left hand on hip, 1-2-3-4-right hand fist- arms in fists by my sides) Oct. 8th was our second competition and we got second BUT we went up 4 points, which is a huge jump!! Oct. 14th was Senior night and I felt beautiful out on that field, and yes I did ALMOST cry. Homecoming was nice, I went with Marie’s little brother and I felt beautiful again. The sport rally thing was soo much fun!!!! Oct. 23 was our next compitition because the one on the 22nd got rained out and we got i think it was 5th. we went up maybe half a point. Oct. 29th was John’s 20th birthday. I got him a picture frame with a collage of 3 photos of us. when he opened it he hid behind my shoulder and started to cry. I didn’t know what to do. I asked if he liked it and he said yes thank you so much I love it. I thought that he couldn’t be crying just because of my gift what was going on and all he said was “sorry, it;s just, my birthday is always very stressful.” I still don’t know what happened that day. but I had a great time with him and I hope he also had a great birthday. Oct. 30th was trick or treat and this was the first year i WASNT going door to door. instead I was at my friend Hunter’s house doing his haunted trail. I was the first person the the people walking through would see, I was in the asylum. sadly an hour in it started to thunderstorm. my friends were next in line to walkthrough.I was so upset because I was having an awesome time. Oct. 31st I dressed up as a Disney villain for school and that night was the halloween Parade and since I am the only sport captain I get to walk in the front all by myself!!!. I messed up a couple of times but that is because I was so nervous that I would mess up and the girls behind me would make fun of me.. which I think they did. anyway that night was still fun. My school’s first time going to a big sport’s competition was Nov. 5th and it was a long bus ride and we had to be there at like 4am.  sadly we took 6th out of 8th but we moved up a little more than a point which is the good thing. I was behind on a lot of history work because everytime I had a college visit or a guidance appointment it was during third period. luckily I have a teacher who is still letting me make up all the work im missing. Nov 5-13th we had off for a teachers convention (this is including the weekends btw) and this whole week we were in PA and I looked and my 2 top colleges Seton Hill <3 and West Chester. they were both so beautiful. both so very different. but both so beautiful. Seton Hill is still my top school. Nothing else really has happened since then. I finished my first draft of my college essay today, yesterday I applied for the community college near me, and started on the applications to the other schools I want to apply to. hopefully Ill apply soon. Tomorrow (later today(it is 3am)) starts a few new clubs I joined so I am excited for that, and I believe this year’s musical’s info is coming out either tomorrow (later today) or tuesday (tomrrow). being sport captain is so so so so much fun but very stressful because I know the 4 years do not like having a 3 year tell them what to do. I hear the whispers I am not dumb. but i am putting on my brave face and ignoring it because that is what I have to do. oh and one last thing. Justin is like in love with me and keeps flirting with me. I told him to stop many times and then he does, but then starts up again, the last time he did it was very recent and John said he is getting real tired of it so I hope Justin really does stop this time because I want to be FRIENDS with him because he is a nice kid, but that is all i can and WANT to be, friends. okay now I think you are all caught up. Till next time. Peace.