#maybe ill get a concussion thatll fix my brain and then ill say what i want to say about this movie
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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okay switched to my laptop i can try to write down some thoughts now
#so like. first of all. stupid shit#team z was killing me in this movie i hated the fucking pitter patter of their bare feet against the cafeteria floor#in the scene w like kuon and isagi telling team v not to underestimate soccer etc#like was that necessary . it was so loud#also i really wanna download the movie just so that i can gif one scene and turn it into a reaction gif or maybe a mid meme#idk soccer terminology bear w me here but like . its the one during the team v vs team z game where like reo is about to shoot#and four people from team z (i swear kunigami was in there i saw his ginger fucking hair) are like standing in a line#and they jump up to like maybe stop the ball idfk i dont know football and theyre those shitty 3d models and they look goofy as fuck#i wanna speed that up and put the glaggleland theme over it. i need to do that actually#ANYWAY . okay. w that out of the way#the movie looked goofy bc of course it did its bIue Iock animated media#BUT IT SOUNDED SOOO FUCKING GOOD. excluding the previously mentioned pitter patter of bare feet i didnt like that#but srsly. oh the scene where nagi shows up behind isagi out of nowhere when hes just about to do his direct shot i think#and the animation (& just art overall. the composition of those shots SUCKED) was mid as fuck. BUT IT SOUNDED SO GOOOD#it was like so freaky had the animation been better id have gotten genuine chills#tho like . the movie felt like. incomplete? and the glove scene fixes that mostly but its just. ouugh#they cut a few scenes that i thought were important while also lingering too much on things that didnt really matter all that much#the youre a pain reo scene was cut which like. i Guess i get cause they wouldnt have been able to make that satisfying with how little time#they had. but also dude you couldve just cut some of the 1st selection it really wouldve been fine. or idk maybe it wouldntve been#its like . ugh its the thing again i get what i wanna say but idk how to say it . i love being stupid#but yeah. movie felt like it was kinda missing something but was still Good . they couldnt have covered alll those chapters fully#so they took out a part of the story to fit in the 90 minutes they got. whatever . it wasnt Bad . glove scene Fixed Some Things#also yeah GLOVE SCENE 🔛🔝#maybe ill get a concussion thatll fix my brain and then ill say what i want to say about this movie#7/10#voidcore.txt
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