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looniecartooni · 3 years ago

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@hawkasss‘s “Extremely Detailed Character Chart” applied to Tyki Mikk from D Gray Man-

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Tyki Mikk

Reason or meaning of name: “First Man” and “One who is like God?” possibly signifying his deeper connection with the Millenium Earl

Character’s nickname: Tyki-pon by The Millenium Earl

Reason for nickname: Not very clear. Kind of a silly “pet” name or close friend name. He isn’t much of a fan of it and it was only used once.

Birth date: December 25th, same as the main character’s adoption date

Physical appearance

Age: 27

How old does he/she appear: Definitely in his twenties

Weight: 150 lbs (currently)

Height: 6ft 2

Body build: Fairly muscular, but pretty average

Shape of face: Round, kind of a pointed chin

Eye color: Gold like most Noah

Glasses or contacts: When in his human form he wears glasses he found in the trash to hide his eyes and face mole. Doesn’t appear to need them though.

Skin tone: Usually pale, but became more tan after the showdown on the ark. In Noah form (depending on the interpretation) dark tan or gray

Distinguishing marks: Left eye has a tiny mole under it. Also has scars on his body.

Predominant features: Curly hair, large smile

Hair color: Black

Type of hair: Uhh... short? For a while it was long. Mostly straight, but has a bit of a curl to it

Hairstyle: In his Noah form, usually pushed back leaving a large bushel of hair going down the back of his head. When his hair is long, he likes to tie it back or in a side ponytail

Voice: Not too deep, quite sexy for a chain smoker

Overall attractiveness: Very attractive. He was made to be attractive and succeeded both in the story and in the fandom’s eyes

Physical disabilities: Can’t be on his feet for too long after the ark incident

Usual fashion of dress: Tends to dress in scruffy work clothes with overalls when he’s human and in a fancy Victorian suit with a top hat and one of those weird scarf things I forgot the name of, but that’s sometimes replaced by a back tie

Favorite outfit: I’d say he likes the work clothes or just a plain shirt and pants

Jewelry or accessories: Has been seen wearing earrings on several occasions. He also carries a deck of cards to play poker when he wants. His body is also full of robotic, flesh eating butterflies

Personality

Good personality traits: Kind, helpful, gets concerned when someone he knows is in trouble (whether or not they’re his enemy), friendly to everyone, understanding mostly to people’s situations

Bad personality traits: Murderous intent, can snap when provoked the wrong way, able to be a bit too charming when he’s ready to attack, likes to scam people in poker

Mood character is most often in: He’s usually pretty calm and chill. He smiles a lot, but has a pretty chill demeanor. He get bothered by others a lot though so he tends to look bothered a lot too. He is also notoriously known for being confused all the time on many of the story elements that have yet to be explained

Sense of humor: Not really sure. He laughs when he’s nervous or excited. Perhaps when things don’t play out how he thought they would or when there’s irony in a situation

Character’s greatest joy in life: Being able to live a double life as a Noah and a human

Character’s greatest fear: Losing his sense of self to his Noah side probably

Why? What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?: If he lost the ability to keep having a human side and no longer live a double life which may have already began to happen

Character is most at ease when: He’s in control, doing things right, understanding a situation, or hanging out with friends

Most ill at ease when: He’s losing or disappointing the Earl or something doesn’t seem safe. Or when people don’t listen to him

Enraged when: He isn’t able to get a task done

Depressed or sad when: He doesn’t know how to help the Earl

Priorities: Serve the Millenium Earl, eat fish, hang with friends, and play poker

Life philosophy: Life is more entertaining when there is two sides to it

If granted one wish, it would be: Probably to maintain control over his Noah side

Why? : Because he likes the ability to be a human too. He doesn’t want to lose that

Character’s soft spot: People missing their friends, people in pain, or needing time to themselves. Also his friend Eez. I also saw him kissing one of his butterflies once. He’s also concerned about the Earl’s feelings (and possibly others too)

Is this soft spot obvious to others?- Road and the Earl both notice his love for humans and wanting to hang with his friends, but mostly just acknowledge it and leave it be. His brother we learn about later doesn’t appear to be very understanding of Tyki’s love for living with street people and not preferring just to be of the upper-class of society.

Greatest strength: His kind heart and ability to observe

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: His obliviousness and anger

Biggest regret: Not killing the main character back when he was supposed to

Minor regret: Losing to the main character in a game of poker where the main character cheated

Biggest accomplishment: Telling the main character not to let the monsters inside of him control him. He has to be the one to show them who he wants to be. Not sure if it helped or he sees it as an accomplishment, but it was some pretty wise words for someone who seemed to be destined to be controlled by warring forces for the rest of his possibly short life.

Minor accomplishment: Getting out of doing Road’s homework that time he was given the task to kill the main character

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Not killing Allen

Why?- People made fun of him for it and it made him look like a failure

Character’s darkest secret: He lives a double life

Does anyone else know?- It appears the Noah are well aware of it

Goals

Drives and motivations: Being able to see his friends again, protecting the Millenium Earl, poker, and food

Immediate goals: Capture “the Noah reaper”, keep the 14th Noah away from the Earl while figuring out who he is, and find out who Mana is

Long term goals: Keep the Earl safe and find out who the 14th and Mana are while maintaining control

How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Unsure. Probably by interrogation of other characters and more fighting.

How other characters will be affected: The Earl wants to see the 14th and the truth may be the thing that breaks him or the main character.

Past

Hometown: Somewhere in Portugal probably

Type of childhood: Most likely on the streets as an orphan, but we still don’t have any back story

Pets: Unknown

First memory: Unknown

Most important childhood memory: Unknown

Why: We don’t have a backstory yet!!!

Childhood hero: Probably the Millennium Earl. It’s implied he was taken in at a young age

Dream job: Anything as long as there’s food and he’s with his friends

Education: Never went to school, but was supposedly tutored by the Earl and helps with Road’s homework. He did learn how to write somewhere

Religion: Catholic most likely, given the story and who he’s with, but I could be wrong

Finances: Living by minimum Victorian lower-class wage or the Earl’s money (along with probably scammed poker items)

Present

Current location: His brother’s house maybe

Currently living with: Not really sure. Haven’t seen him with his friends, but we have seen him at his brother’s house a lot. His brother might have him trapped there

Pets: His brother has a dog

Religion: Whatever the Noah believe

Occupation: He was a miner with his friends. Not sure if that’s changed.

Finances: Brother or Earl’s money probably

Family

Mother: Unknown Relationship with her: Seriously Unknown

Father: Does the Earl count?

Relationship with him: He likes the Earl. Kind of scared and impressed with him. Occasionally embarrassed by him

Siblings: Older brother

Relationship with them: Tolerated to a degree, but tends to feel uncomfortable around him for... reasons. They do talk and I think have a form of care. They don’t quite understand eachother though

Spouse: None Relationship with him/her: Nothing yet

Children: He has a friend who is a child

Relationship with them: Tyki gets along with Teez pretty well, as well as his niece Road. His nephew can get annoying sometimes but he still cares for him.

Other important family members: Yet to be revealed

Favorites

Color: Image color is light blue and he has a light blue shirt so... Light blue? Maybe magenta or purple because of his butterflies, but that might be more of what the Earl likes. Wears a lot of black...

Least favorite color: Hasn’t expressed any hate for color that I know of

Music: Not sure

Food: Anything he eats with his friends, but he has a particular fondness for fish

Literature: Doesn’t read a lot

Form of entertainment: Poker, fishing, and hanging out with friends

Expressions: Eagerness???

Mode of transportation: Trains perhaps? So he can scam people- heheh... Might be the Ark though as he uses it pretty frequently. Probably more convenient

Most prized possession: Not entirely sure

Habits

Hobbies: Poker, fishing, and napping. He also likes collecting people he kills’s buttons and giving them to Teez

Plays a musical instrument? Be kind of fun if he did

Plays a sport? Fishing is a sport

How he/she would spend a rainy day: Playing poker, fishing (he definately would if it was pouring too), probably hanging out with friends or Noah family. Maybe take a nap

Spending habits: Food related probably

Smokes: Chain smoker

Drinks: He’s appeared to have drank Wine once or twice, but not really that often

Other drugs: I think he gets high on life and fighting

What does he/she do too much of?: Smoke, creative organ removing techniques

What does he/she do too little of?: Proper analying of sitations

Extremely skilled at: Combat, poker, fishing, and murder

Extremely unskilled at: Homework, defeating a 16 year old

Nervous tics: Puts hand on his face, chuckles

Usual body posture: Slups over when he’s relaxed, but actually keeps pretty good posture (probably instilled in him by the Earl and his brother)

Mannerisms: Calm, confidence, easy going

Peculiarities: You feel at ease around him which also makes you feel uneasy because you just know, even though he’s nice or acting nice, he most likely has something up his sleeve.

Traits

Optimist or pessimist?: Optimist. Seems to believe he has the high ground or people will comply to what he offers

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert. Likes to be alone or with a small group of individuals. Also not a fan of people being clingy (he’s like a cat. Don’t go to him, let him come to you)

Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil with a sense of caution. He doesn’t always think things through, but he does keep his guard up mostly. When he lets his guard down, bad things happen

Logical or emotional? Emotional. Worries about peoples feelings and does what makes him excited. Doesn’t always use logic, but he likes a good challenge

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Disorderly I think

Prefers working or relaxing? Relaxing

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Mostly confident, but he has been unsure on himself and situations before. When he’s too confident, he’s most vulnerable

Animal lover? Seems like one

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: Seems to like their life

One word the character would use to describe self: Interesting

One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I doubt he’d want to write a paragraph about it

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait?: His charm

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait?: His cluelessness or lack of perception

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic?: His “choose” ability

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic?: Not sure. His hair being too long? Or being “handsome”? Kind of seems to be bothered by that.

How does the character think others perceive him/her: Trustworthy or lazy

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: Probably how he looks. He already managed to get a hair cut and straighter hair

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: He’s clueless but handsome and interesting

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Sometimes, but seems pretty expressive in a simplistic sense. That was hindered a little by becoming a Noah

Person character most hates: Apocrypos and possibly the 14th

Best friend(s): Eez, Momo, and Clark

Love interest(s): None that have appeared so far

Person character goes to for advice: Road

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Eez, The Millenium Earl, occasionally the main character, seems to instinctually know how to handle his brother, the Earl when he feels like he made him upset, whoevr puts him under pressure

Person character feels shy or awkward around: his brother when said brother is upset

Person character openly admires: His friends and The Earl

Person character secretly admires: I think he’s secretly impressed by the main character’s tenacity, but I could be wrong (no- I do not ship them)

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: His friends and The Earl

After story starts: The Earl and figuring out who the 14th is

#d gray man #boy that took a long time!#dgm tyki #tyki mikk

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eatsyou-a · 4 years ago

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‘ your gracious founder, a visitor is here to see you. ’

there, he sits on the top of his throne, hands rests neatly in his lap. youthful, not yet touched by the devil; teeth free of fangs, fingers free of claws. you can get out, child, if you give yourself the opportunity to do so. ‘ is that so? let them in! ’

it's several moments before movement is heard and the door slides open to expose muzan kneeling and eyes cast towards the tatami, however with long hair down and dressed in an elegant, beautiful kimono; seeming to dress himself up for this occasion. it's an act of temporary acclaim, to give the illusion that douma alone deserves the respect and voice in this exchange.

a silence lingers over them both when it slides closed, eyes widening so slightly as he notices that the presence was far more illuminating than his own. stunned awe when cracked, red demon eyes meet with the purpose. his smile is soft, but the eyes tell a completely different story. he does not give him the opportunity to speak, letting him know from this moment that muzan is the figure on the pedestal. ‘ i have heard about this cult across the mountains and cities. how pathetic to see a human pretending to play god; the boy with the rainbow eyes. ’ now, he's no longer on his knees, but standing at full height, intimidation emitting from proud shoulders and the glare set on douma's body. ‘ speak, douma. ’

a seeming spell that was cast is snapped, mouth open in amazement. he was strong, unbeknownst that he was looking death straight in the face. no fear numbing the fingertips, just curiosity. ‘ ah~ i see this is no normal visit then? ’ instead, he plants on a manufactured smile; soft and taught. ‘ that's me! the founder of eternal paradise! i'm actually very impressed you know my name! ’ a hand is placed over his heart, giving an impression of the passion and proud duty of shouldering his followers' yawn - inducing stories. ‘ i listen to those people that are suffering, that's my job— ’

‘ —a job who's festering them with pointless lies. heaven and hell do not exist, a notion you very well understand. are they really so desperate to hold on to anything that will save them from an inevitable end? tell me, why do you hold this position when a god stands right in front of you? ’ he takes a step closer, nails peaking past the line of sleeves. ( he's no fool to not notice. oh, but what could he say; my parents forced me into this position, so this is all i've ever known? ) ‘ you will answer me. kneel. ’

which he does, moving from the comfort of large pillows for his turn to be his knees. innocent eyes look up in a clash against muzan's own, hands resting, too, upon tatami. ‘ i'm sorry, i'm just intrigued, ya' know! you haven't even told me your name! ’

his carefree attitude seems to irritate, no building horror for what he portrays. a hand shoots down to grab at the crowd of his head, nails digging and piercing into the scalp. no other moves are made, veins popping from ill - like pale skin. blood slowly starts to stain blond threads, which earns a silent scream, those rainbow irises blown wide, but makes no move to fight against him; can't, with the state of shock. hurts— it hurts so much, like flesh slowly being peeled off layer by layer. it burns. what the hell was this man?

his head tilts, but never changes his disposition. ‘ why do you continue to live while your parents have long died? lust and wrath consumed them, leaving you behind. every day you play this charade when you gradually lose your interest; your worshippers disperse, leave. your eyes leave a lasting impression. ’ the voice rests back to soft; turn and manipulate. ‘ born to believe you’re a disciple of these gods. yet, here you stay, clinging to anything that identifies your humanity. you cry for them, help them until their last breaths. do you genuinely care for these stories when they have no one considers your own? you've heard it all before. ’ shocking reds glower, digging his claws just a bit deeper. ‘ i can give you a purpose. ’ during this moment, he doesn't wait for an answer. ‘ become a demon. ’

blunt nails dig into rice straw matting, his heart hammering so fast in a hollow chest one would think it would burst out its rib cage. all of it was happening so fast, burning flesh distracting racing thoughts; it almost didn't catch up. ‘ a . . . demon? ’ his vocal cords feel crushed, feeling the blood rush down his throat; practically chokes on it. hands want to move and claw at his hand, pull it away but his body doesn't dare move.

‘ you will dedicate yourself to me, grow strong and prove among those that sit at the bottom, gnawing their own bones and choking themselves with their intestines; take your place. rise the ranks to become an upper moon, douma. you will no longer feel that pain you have suffered. you will be surrounded by those who have lived like you, fought the same battles of the cruel truth of humanity: you are nothing. but you are special, those eyes will be useful to me. . . . if you let this since settle, you will die. a waste of a subordinate. ’

time was ticking, the tips of his nails now penetrating the skill with the added gradual blood loss and irreversible damage to the brain. this was no negotiation, putting him in a situation where the answer is immediate, lest death will take over. except, he doesn't fear death or a possible domino future; the numbness of panic and the lighting strike of pain in his cranium is now nothing but a dull pressure. blood falls down his cheekbone and chin, drips to stain expensive clothes. he can't breathe, his own fluid caught in his throat. can't speak, so instead the look is giving muzan a silent plea.

honestly, i'm bored of this repetitious life. living long until old age doesn't appeal to me. maybe this is something new that he can give me. maybe . . . i'll feel something that seems so far away; human emotions.

lips curl into a smile - like smirk, immediately pumping in irregular amounts of blood. ‘ take it. ’

the shocking wave of intense pain from the crown of his skull is nothing now, the pure gradients of colors explode from its sockets, red cascading down his cheeks; tears. the body convulses, scream caught halfway. bones slowly, torturously so, breaking into a million pieces only for them to fix themselves, teeth regrow with an emphasis on long canines. the hand gripping him remains so still, flesh seeming to transform into something abominable then resting still, veins prominent in his fingers up to his eyes, where they regrow as if they never burst. no carvings yet, but the moment or so passes, feeling the fingers leave and the wound heals slowly. now, lays an imitation of a permanent blood stain as he falls to the side and collapses, body remain twitching. slowly, the heart that beats so triumphally in his chest stops. it becomes no longer.

it feels as if it was minutes . . . hours. it seems this noise got the attention of the cults helpers and temple caretakers, which muzan takes one last look down at douma. ‘ you're hungry, aren't you? eat. i'll look for you, worry not. ’ turning to leave, the door shoots up, which they all run past, shouldering and bumping to force their way. seems the attention wasn't fixated on him, and if you looked back to accuse, he would be gone.

‘ your gracious founder! are you alright?! quick, acquire a doctor! ’ except when they aid a limp body, douma looks up at him with a unfamiliar, blinding hungry in his eyes. there lacks pupils, only color and uncharacteristic, sadistic smile as hands roughly grip the workers shoulders to force him down.

‘ you'll spare yourself, won't you? ’ hungry, i'm so hungry. i've never felt this urgency to feast so intensely, these people who have been here since i was appointed . . . they don't matter to me. food. feed me, like you were intended to since the start. ‘ thanks for the food! ’

#m.#ignore the fact that i cant write muzan #this is about how happens but u can tell when i rushed but its whatever #no fancy formatting because this is just a drabble and even it would be hard to read #muzan: join my emo band #gore tw /#eye trauma tw /

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risrielthron · 4 years ago

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Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ‘about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}.

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name: combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname: Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art. Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her. She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses. For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt {So this too has changed from when I first created her. She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor: silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control. She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why? Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when: she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all! {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why? She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret. {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know? {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus {God I was such a noob. Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why? The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother: Kahrysta Elthron {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form {Flight form. The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no Drinks: not normally {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of? Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at: Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at: a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: … {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing: working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting. {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.}

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet) {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet) {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible {So such a noob. She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now. As for who she admires? Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother After story starts: Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years. Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

#risri

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bubbyleh · 4 years ago

Text

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 7

cw for mentions of past character death and limb loss (not explicit)

Chapter 7: Hitch a Ride

Tommy: Hey this is gonna sound weird but Tommy: Do you want to meet my nephew?

Darnold ♡: You have a nephew?

Tommy: Not like. Biologically. Tommy: You’ve met Gordon and Benrey! He’s their kid, his name is Joshua.

Darnold ♡: Oh! Darnold ♡: I didn’t realize they were together!

Tommy: Yeah, they have been for a while. Tommy: But, uh… Tommy: I can’t really get into it, but things have been tense lately? And it’s mainly centering around Gordon :( Tommy: Everything’s fine! But Tommy: I kinda wanna take Joshua out for a day, you know? Tommy: And I’m asking you to come with

Darnold ♡: Of course! Darnold ♡: I heard the museum has free admissions for kids tomorrow. Do you think that’s a good idea?

☆○☆○☆

Tommy: Benrey?

Benrey!!!: oh hey Benrey!!!: ur awake Benrey!!!: why

Tommy: Why are you awake? :(

Benrey!!!: cant sleep

Tommy: Is it Gordon?

Benrey!!!: yeah hes Benrey!!!: i dont know Benrey!!!: why are you texting me? u can come over?

Tommy: I’m kind of comfy in bed right now Tommy: And it’s late Tommy: And Tommy: Is it fair to say I don’t want to? :(

Benrey!!!: oh more than fair

Tommy: But I want to ask you something Tommy: I was talking with Darnold Tommy: NOTHING SPECIFIC! Tommy: Trust me. Tommy: But he suggested, and I agree, that we could maybe take Joshua to the museum tomorrow?

Benrey!!!: i dont know man Benrey!!!: i feel like feetman would yell at me if i let joshy head down now Benrey!!!: if he yells at all Benrey!!!: hes just been so quiet lately Benrey!!!: i hate this

Tommy: I really wish you’d talk to us, Benrey. Tommy: I hate to say it, but Tommy: Maybe we could have avoided this :(

Benrey!!!: … Benrey!!!: maybe

Tommy: I think getting out will do Joshua some good, though? Tommy: We can have a fun day! Tommy: It’s just that Tommy: All this stuff! Gordon not acting like himself! Whatever’s going on with you Tommy: He’s in the same house as that Tommy: So I think NOT being in the same house will help?

Benrey!!!: wait

Tommy: What?

Benrey!!!: gordon not Benrey!!!: i think u have a point Benrey!!!: about a few things Benrey!!!: yeah u can take joshy down tomorrow Benrey!!!: ill make sure gordon agrees just Benrey!!!: dont come back until i tell you okay? Benrey!!!: i think i can fix this

Tommy: Yeah?

Benrey!!!: yeah Benrey!!!: make sure joshy gets something at the gift shop Benrey!!!: get something for me too?

☆○☆○☆

The next day is overcast, but Tommy’s not sure that it’ll be rainy by the time they leave. Still, he has Joshua grab his jacket before they leave, just in case. Not that it’s actually possible for either of them to catch a cold, but getting soaked isn’t fun!

“Re-remember Joshua,” Tommy says as they approach the museum. “Darnold is a friend, but the- the rules still apply!”

Toomy feels Joshua nod into his back, which is a good enough response when you’re giving someone a piggyback ride. Joshua loves asking Tommy for piggyback rides, though it’s more a result of Tommy being the tallest than any special uncle privileges.

“Is, um,” Joshua asks. “Is this the guy my dad says is your special friend?”

Tommy holds back a laugh. With everything happening, he hasn’t actually gotten a chance to share his updated relationship status with everyone. “What are- what are your dads telling you?”

Joshua, being three years old, caves in immediately. “Um! They say that there’s a guy you really like, and you want to kiss him and marry him someday!”

“Marry!?” Tommy exclaims. “I mean, I-I like him and all, but marriage is a… it’s a little ways off right now.”

Pouting, Josh swings his legs. “But I wanna go to a wedding! I wanna go to a party after a wedding!”

“Weddings are mostly boring, actually. I was- I was at your dads’.” Tommy says. “Hey, climb on my shoulders. Try to- to find Darnold for me.”

While Joshua does comply, he complains as he crawls up. “I don’t know what he looks like!”

Tommy sighs, unlocking his phone and handing it up to Joshua. “Look through the gallery, he’s- he’s in there.”

There’s a moment of silence and Joshua navigates through Tommy’s phone. “Woah!” he shouts. “Why do you have so many pictures of him?!”

“He’s my boyfriend, I- I like having pictures of him,” Tommy explains. Joshua blows a raspberry down at him.

A hand tugs as Tommy’s sleeve from behind, and after turning his head, there’s Darnold. “Hey-” he starts, but is cut off when Tommy places a finger over his own lips.

“Do you, uh… do you see anything u-up there?” Tommy asks, and though he’s speaking to Joshua, he’s looking right at Darnold.

Joshua sighs. “Uncle Tommy, I don’t think he’s here.” He presses his face into Tommy’s propeller cap. “I guess we just have to go into the museum without him.”

“Oh, but I really- I really like him!” Tommy pretends to whine, and Darnold covers his smile with a hand. “Try looking a little bit lower? He’s kinda short.”

That earns him a jab from Darnold’s elbow, which he wasn’t exactly undeserving of. However, Joshua feels the jolt, and their little game is done.

“L-look Josh! There he is!” Tommy acts surprised. He lifts Josh off his shoulders and places him on the ground.

“Hey there, Joshua!” Darnold finally gets to greet them. “I’m Darnold. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” He offers his hand mostly as a joke, but Joshua does end up taking it and giving his best attempt at a handshake, albeit appearing confused the whole time.

“Hi,” Joshua manages. “Uh. I don’t really hear about you.”

“No?” Darnold chokes back a laugh. “Does, uh… does Tommy not talk about me?”

Joshua shakes his head. “No, he talks about you with the grownups. We talk about dogs! And cowboys!”

“Dogs and cowboys?” Darnold looks up at Tommy, smirking.

“He’s three,” Tommy defends himself. “There’s not a lot of- of topics to cover.”

☆○☆○☆

After paying their admission (Tommy insisted on paying for Darnold’s, after all, being a god allows one access to a healthy sum of money), Tommy swipes a pamphlet and begins to look through the museum’s different exhibits. They’re stopped for a moment, because Joshua’s shoe was untied and he wanted to show Darnold that he learned how to tie it last week, but his hands are so small and it is so difficult. Anatomy, no. Dinosaurs, definitely. He judges them, one by one, until a specific exhibit catches his eye.

“Hey Joshua, my- I lost the ability to read.” Tommy places the pamphlet in front of him and points to a specific line. “Can you tell me what that says?”

Forgetting about his shoe, Joshua squints at the paper. Ugh, he might be taking after Gordon in the eyesight department. How are you supposed to get a child god with no actual birth certificate prescription glasses?

“T… th… the w…” Joshua sounds out. “The wil...d… we… st? The wild west?” His eyes light up immediately. “Cowboys!? They have cowboys!?”

“A cowboy exhibit?” Darnold leans over to check out the pamphlet. “Huh, would you look at that.”

“Are we- are we heading there first?” Tommy addresses the other two.

“Yeah!” Joshua throws his arms in the air and jumps off the bench. He takes off in a random direction. “Cowboys! Cowboys! Cowb-”

“Wait, Joshua! Your shoelace!”

Smack!

☆○☆○☆

The moment they step into the Wild West exhibit, Joshua stops sniffling and rubbing his red cheek, instead excitedly wiggling out of Tommy’s arms, marvelling at the presentations around him as if it were a candy store. Realizing that he’ll be

murdered

if he doesn’t capture this moment, Tommy pulls out his phone.

“So,” Darnold asks. “What’s with the cowboy thing?”

Tommy chuckles. “It was- Benrey showed him Toy Story 2, as a joke. He- he really liked it, kinda went from there.”

“Not Toy Story 1?”

“Joshua has never seen Toy Story 1.” Tommy snaps a few photos of Josh, making a mental note to send them to everyone later.

Tommy and Darnold end up mostly dragged along by Joshua, who constantly runs ahead and then doubles back to get them to read a placard for him. Josh seems to take a liking to Darnold, which Tommy is thrilled to see. Occasionally, Tommy will reach to hold hands with Darnold, only to find that Joshua has beaten him to it.

If it wasn’t so cute, Tommy would be a little angry.

“Look! Look!” Joshua shouts and points. “Real cowboys! Real pictures of real cowboys!”

“Heh,” Darnold remarks, nodding towards one of the black and white photos. “That one kind of looks like your dad, Joshy.”

Tommy is frozen.

Joshua grabs onto Darnold’s shirt. “Lift me! I wanna see!” Darnold complies, and when he lays eyes on the portrait, Joshua gasps. “That- that looks just like Daddy!”

The man in the photograph has the same chin, the same cheeks, same nose. But he’s so different too. His hair isn’t pulled back into a ponytail, but rather falls down around his shoulders. One of his hands isn’t ghostly and transparent, instead something flesh and whole. He’s smiling, and Tommy can’t remember the last time he saw that smile genuinely.

“Let’s see here.” Darnold reads the plaque underneath. “The Free Man, date unknown. The Free Man spent his days hunting down violent offenders in the west for private individuals. He disappeared, and his fate remains unknown.”

Not unknown. Tommy gulps.

That doesn’t just look like Gordon. That is Gordon.

It’s easy to forget. Gordon’s been around for two and a half centuries at this point, and Tommy didn’t know him before that. He doesn’t know the man in the photograph, who let his hair down and laughed and still had two hands. Who lived and had a beating heart. Who was betrayed and killed in a cave in the desert.

Tommy doesn’t like to think about the fact that Gordon was mortal once, and how he got to where he is.

He looks away. Tommy turns his head a full ninety degrees to the right, because he can’t look at this right now. He’s looking at another display, one with a small wagon, a plastic horse, and a skeleton standing upright. It’s nice, probably about trade, or ranchers, or-

Hang on a second.

“Maybe it’s an ancestor of yours or something?” Darnold theorizes. “What do you think, Tommy?”

Why is there a skeleton there?

“Uncle Tommy?”

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #sodashipping #tommy coolatta #darnold #my writing #i see la vie en rose #hlvrai gods au

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kkruml · 5 years ago

Text

STAY CH 14

It’s been 7 months since the last post- THANK YOU to anyone out there who’s still reading this story. @abreathofsnowandwaffles has been one of my biggest supporters since literally day 1. @missclairebelle you dazzle and amaze me with every word you write. I am so lucky to have your guidance as I hack my way through this thing called fan fiction. Words are not enough- I love you both.

Mood Music

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

AO3

Previously

The lines of his face contorted slightly before shifting back into place, his indecipherable façade restored. Nodding, he forced the words out. “Would ye stay here, wi’ me?”

Stay.

Here.

With Jamie.

In truth, Jamie’s flat had become her haven, their space together. Her final thoughts while being discharged from the hospital were not of her flat, of the crisp linens neatly lining her bed. It was here, the mess of blankets and pillows strewn across his mattress. The smell of his body wash that lingered on his towel in the morning, the warm light peaking through the kitchen curtains as she sipped her tea.

The thought of convalescing here lifted a weight she hadn’t noticed she’d been carrying. Her lips softened into a smile as she nodded, “Yes.”

His posture relaxed slightly, and the corners of his eyes softened as his gaze held hers. The weight of his intensity forced her to lower her eyes back to her glass, and with a heavy sigh, she felt his hand lazily travel the length of her shoulder to the base of her neck.

“Been a long day, come here,” his voice was soft, low and melodic and pulled her close to him. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she felt his fingers slowly intertwine in the curls that cascaded from her messy bun. “Do ye trust me Claire-that everything will be okay?”

His fingers swirled in small rhythmic circles against her scalp. The combination of Oolong, heat of Jamie’s steady breath, and dull pulsing of his heart against her skin lulled her into a quiet trance.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she settled against his side. The words came easily, without effort or question. “In this I do, and in this I will.”

CLAIRE

It was unseasonably cold. Even for Scotland.

Fumbling her way from the couch towards the bedroom, Claire shuffled to the dresser. Clumsily she found the drawer knob, the worn wood smooth under her fingertips as it creaked open. Eager hands, expecting various folds of cotton, hit the bottom with a thud.

Empty.

Whisky eyes glanced over to the laundry basket, but found no mound of clothing staring back at her.

Empty?

“Ja-“ she started, feeling the warmth of his fingers against the small of her back finish the question for her.

“Aye… Sassenach?” his voice was breathy as his lips hovered just above the exposed skin on her neck.

“Wh… What happened to all of your clothes?”

Small, swirling circles against her waistline paused.

“Weel.. err.. I, uh…” his voice wavered as his fingers pressed gently into her flesh.

Through the fog and haze of the accident, she recognized that stutter. Her mind’s eye flashed a glimpse of his face the night they met- the same uncertainty etched into his words as he drummed his fingers against his leg. “Cat got your tongue, Jamie?”

A wave of hot breath skated across her skin as he sighed.

“I just thought- that maybe… ye’d like to leave some of yer wee Sassenach things here is all,” he stated plainly.

“Just what do you think I have- a cedar trunk full of eighteenth century garments?” She attempted a teasing tone, but her heart skipped a beat as she eyed the room.

A small clearing on what would be her nightstand, an empty hook on the back of the door for her bathrobe, and perhaps most notable of all, the bed. Normally a pile of covers with pillows haphazardly askew, the bedding was now neatly tucked and smoothed over- with two fresh matching pillowcases side by side against the headboard.

“Aye,” his breath quickened as he countered, “I had a daft notion ye might want to leave a few wee things here…”

My things. Here.

“That DVD collection of yers catchin’ dust,” his voice broke through her thoughts as he continued, slightly more self-assured, “yer favorite mug fer yer tea, perhaps a brush for that bird’s nest ye have atop that beautiful heid of yers.”

She smiled to herself. Little nick nacks, seemingly trivial pieces of her daily existence it hadn’t occurred to her that he’d noticed, let alone wanted in his flat.

“...But then the accident h-happened and- and it didna seem fit to take advantage of ye in that state.”

And then- the accident. She remembered Boston, and her desire to start things anew- in Scotland. And then she woke up in the hospital. Dark black spots shaded her memory of the earliest moments of them.

Attempting to shift the conversation, she fought the tightening of her throat as she asked, “My state?”

A strong hand slowly snuck around her waist and settled against the crest of her hip bone, two fingers lightly tapping the delicate skin just underneath the cotton of her shirt.

“Oh aye-” the warmth in his voice a low hum that skated across her skin, “Half yer colleagues saw yer wee granny panties ye only wear when it’s laundry day.”

She scoffed in mock indignation, the last of her frustration lifting from her shoulders. Not moving, she relaxed into his warmth and sighed in contentment.

After a soft exhale, he whispered, “Mo nighean donn… I want ye here with me. “

And there it was.

A sweet truth that had lingered just beneath the surface.

Breath put to the very question that had played in her head since she met him. What was this? This delicate tether between them, at first as delicate as lace but now stitched firmly together with late night truths and early morning contentment. It wasn’t usual; that first night at her apartment he had said it was different, and they’d spent the last months writing their names on each other’s souls.

The sound of his voice lingered between them, it soothed her and sent a tingle down her spine. It was a question- carefully yet earnestly crafted as to give no expectation of an answer. She felt the ground beneath her tilt slightly, and she cleared her throat to steady herself.

Three words. Three little words that matched the pulse in her wrist- quiet, constant, and restless as they bubbled and fought to break free. For weeks and months, these words fluttered on the tip of her tongue but never gave breath to them. Until now.

The sounds slowly built in her chest, enveloping her in a warmth matched by the comfort radiating from his skin behind her. They trickled free from her lips, delicate and yet certain at the same time

“I love you.”

Each syllable hung suspended in midair, she could almost see the outline of each letter as she waited for his breathing to resume. Muscles in his arms first constricted and then relaxed before he wound himself securely around her.

“And I…” he whispered into her curls, ”you.”

In a moment that lasted both an instant and an eternity, they stood motionless. Their breath mingled and their heartbeats pounded to the same rhythm. She felt the last remnants of earlier frustration seep from her bones and she was left feeling weightless. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she savored the feeling of utter contentment.

“So... is that a yes then, Sassenach?”

Bringing his hand to her lips she smiled and said simply, “Yes.”

______

Water. Soap. Scrub. Rinse. Gown. Gloves.

The ritual of surgery was a dance, delicate steps made in rhythm to the steady rhythm of her pulse. She could trust it, a communion that had never failed her in all her years of study and practice. Countless hours in the OR had trained her hands, each movement burned into each digit. Carefully and meticulously studied and executed with an air of ease. What her body betrayed, her mind would perfect. With eyes closed, she visualized the instrument tray- scalpels parallel and waiting to serve their purpose.

Her mind was midway through a line of interrupted sutures, fingers moving in perfect harmony with the vision in her mind when with a turn of the wrist, a hot flash of pain tore through her radius. “Mallaichte bas!”

Murky sounds, like voices underwater broke through her concentration.

“Huh?” she mumbled, her right hand instinctively cradling her left wrist, gingerly massaging it.

“I said ‘are ye alright,’ Sassenach?”

Slowly opening her eyes, the perfect line of stitches she had imagined slowly faded and she was left with only the uneven lines of hardwood floor beneath her feet.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she managed through clenched teeth. Sensing her tone was ill placed, she sighed and softened it with, “Sorry to bother you.”

“Dinna fash yerself, just thought a fairy must’ve lured ye up a hill and brought me a changeling,” he said with a failed wink.

“What on earth are you talking about, Jamie?” her voice shifting from frustration to confusion.

“Did ye no’ hear yerself? Ye have quite the mouth on ye.” At that, her eyes darted in his direction, a smirk quirked to one side waiting for her.

“Did I offend your delicacies with my crude British tongue?” Despite herself, she quirked an eyebrow to match the lilt in her voice. Damn him. She didn’t want to be in a mood to joke.

“Och yer not normally a close-mouthed woman Claire- and ye ken I love ye for it.” He paused at that, the newness of that word off his tongue curled his lip, and her heart skipped a beat. “But now yer startin’ to swear in my mother tongue wailin’ about black death- tis only a matter of time before ye bring a curse upon this flat.”

The sharp pain in her wrist was ebbing to a dull ache.

Gaelic?

The corner of her mouth lifted into a smile as she rewound the last few minutes in her head. Had she really spoken in Gaelic… instinctively? The last several weeks had held little amusement other than scouring various Gaelic materials, studying. But had she actually learned enough to start speaking without effort? Her fingers were tracing the incision on her left wrist as he sunk into the mattress beside her.

“What’s wrong, mo ghraidh?”

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled loudly. “It’s my bloody hand. It’s useless.”

“Och.” The thick Scottish sound filled the room, the warmth in his voice seeping into her skin. “Just takes time. Hasna been that long since the accident.”

“Eight weeks, Jamie.” Spitting the words out, she felt her blood pressure rise. She was a doctor, she knew protocol. That a healed bone alone did not promise full function without rehabilitation. Still, the freedom she felt once freed from the cast was short lived, and she was left feeling weak and foreign in her own skin.

“What if you couldn’t play music? What if your hand was…” she paused, not wanting to finish the sentence. Flashes of his perfectly ruddy skin torn violently to shredded flesh with mangled bone ripped through her mind. She shuddered at the mere thought of his perfect hand enduring such trauma. Taking a deep breath to clear her head, she started again, “What if you couldn’t do what was naturally in you to do?”

“Are ye sayin’ ye like my music, then?” His face betrayed the measured tone of his voice, a look of pride barely held in check as his brow quirked.

His attempt at distraction- at redirection- was kindly meant, but she was determined to hang onto her frustration. It was one of a few companions she’d had these last several weeks.

Turning to face him, her weight shifted and he leaned in closer. “You have music… I have healing. What if I never get my range of motion, my strength back? A surgeon cannot heal without her hands.”

______

JAMIE

What if?

That wasn’t an option. No. She would be whole again.

I have music.

She was right.

Blinking slowly, a shadow of an idea whispered in his ear.

I have music.

Letting a smile tug at his lips, he held up his hand in a pause as he shuffled out of the room. Hearing a deep breath and loud exhale, he chuckled to himself.

She will be whole again.

Returning with a few determined steps back into the room, he paused at the sight of her. So utterly unaware of herself, she had taken to focus on a few unruly curls hanging over her face. Her right hand studiously picking at the frayed ends, her left hand cradled protectively at her side.

“Alright then,” he started, determined to change her focus. “Let’s see what ye’ve got Sassenach.”

“Beg pardon?” Her eyes widened, the swirl of whisky amber churning.

“Let’s have ye give it a go,” he gently slid the guitar onto her lap, angling it precisely between the curve of her breast and line of her arm. It sat precariously fixed at her side as he continued, “Ye said once they let anyone on stage- let’s see how ye fair with it.”

Slipping behind her, he laced his arms through hers, leaning into the smoothness of her body. “Now ye take yer left hand and put yer wee fingertips here”- gentling placing her fingers on the second fret before enveloping her hand in his- “and here.”

Taking her right hand in his, he pulled them down over the cords. Feeling the vibration and hearing a somewhat muted cord, but a cord nonetheless, echoed through the room.

“And just wot do you think you’re doing?” Under the facade of incredulity, he heard a sense of wonder.

“Ye’ve spent sae many hours scouring my bookcases looking for Laird knows what- this is a better- and more entertaining- use of yer time.”

“More entertaining, you say? For whom, exactly?” Feeling the smile in her voice, he let out a heavy sigh and nuzzled his nose into the curls at the nape of her neck. Her voice was shy as she asked, “Would you show me a few more?”

This just might work.

Slowly, and carefully, he showed her cord after cord. Pausing occasionally as her crude British tongue broke his concentration, he watched her fingers move slowly from string to string. Kissing her shoulder, and feeling confident he had shown her enough cords to pique her interest, he reluctantly disentangled himself from her.

Slowly shuffling to the hall, he turned at the doorway for a final look. He stopped to take her in.

A look of determination set on her face. Her left hand was rotated and gripped the guitar’s neck with purpose. The loose white shirt, his shirt, hung off her shoulder- exposing the faintest of black ink on her shoulder.

Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he swiped the screen and held the phone up. He watched her form come into focus on his screen and hit the shutter button, watching a freeze frame of this moment flicker and disappear.

#STAY fic #outlander fan fic #outlander fan fiction #jamie x claire #modern au #terrified to post this #brb lemme run and hide

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maaaddiexo · 4 years ago

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Chapter Five | Peter Pevensie

[Red Series Book One: Roses]

Synopsis: With World War Two ravaging the world, no one is safe and no one is happy.

Despite their protests, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy Pevensie are evacuated from London and sent to live in the English countryside with an old professor. Scared and unhappy, only the youngest Pevensie child remains optimistic and ends up sharing her hope with her siblings in the form of a wardrobe that takes them to Narnia, a different world where they are the only form of hope to bring an end to an evil witch's reign of terror.

Rosemary Bennett has no more hope left in her heart. Her brother and father are off fighting for their country, the former having gone missing months ago, and her mother ignores her, preferring the company of a bottle over her own daughter. Giving up seems the only logical plan of action. But when it finally comes to carrying it out, she's transported to a different world, with talking animals and a prophecy that doesn't involve her. Unsure as to why she is there, she must navigate a new world and ponder the possibility that maybe - just maybe - she doesn't actually want to die.

*Warning: this book deals with depression and suicide. Though mental illness isn't what this story revolves around, the act of suicide and depressive thoughts are intertwined with the plot and act as 'backseat drivers' to the novel.

[Chapter Six] [Series Masterlist] [Masterlist]

Mrs. Beaver was the first to walk back into the house and the first to spot a sleeping figure curled up in the chair. She padded over to her and pulled the blanket over Rosemary's shoulder, smoothing her blonde hair away from her eyes.

"Is that her? The other human?" Susan asked.

Mrs. Beaver nodded. "She got here a few hours ago. I see she's finally tuckered out."

Lucy walked closer to the girl and Mrs. Beaver to get a better look. She had light blonde hair and somewhat fair skin. Her nose was small and her eyebrows were darker than her hair. She looked tired but she was still pretty. "What's her name?"

"Rosemary. Oh, and she talks the same way you do! She's from...oh, why can't I remember it?" Mrs. Beaver tapped her bottom lip a few times, wracking her brain for the word. "Um, something like Een land."

"England?" Susan sputtered. Was it possible this girl was from their world as well? And the same country no less?

"That's it! England. Though, if you four are the ones from the prophecy, I'm not sure what she's doing here."

"Prophecy?" Peter questioned just as the kettle began to whistle.

"Oh, what a dear. Rosemary put the kettle on for us. Come on and have a seat. Let's warm you all up and give the girl a little bit of quiet time to sleep before we get to the questions."

•

An hour later, after the Pevensie children were much warmer and full of tea and cookies, Rosemary began to stir in her chair and all six occupants of the beaver dam turned to her.

"Did you have a nice nap, my dear?"

Rosemary brought the heel of her hand to her eyes, trying to rub the bleariness out of them. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. Guess the lack of sleep and the fact that I'm in a different world finally hit me." She looked around and made eye contact with the four children she'd heard Mrs. Beaver talking to earlier.

The smallest one had brown hair cut into a bob with thin eyebrows and dark blue eyes. She was being absolutely swallowed by a thick fur coat. The girl smiled timidly and waved at Rosemary, though her hand was covered by the sleeve. When she smiled, Rosemary got a peek at gapped front teeth.

The girl next to her was much older, but probably still younger than Rosemary. She had dark curling hair the same shade of brown as her younger sister and inquisitive bright blue eyes. She didn't wave like her younger sister.

The third human was a boy, aged somewhere between the two girls. Apprehension was clear in his guarded brown eyes as he analyzed Rosemary as she analyzed him. He seemed to fidget in his spot and couldn't maintain eye contact for long before breaking it. Eventually, his curiosity would force him to look at Rosemary again.

The last boy must've been the oldest - Rosemary could tell simply by the way he stood. If responsibility were physical, it'd be on his shoulders right now. He was the only one of the four siblings to have blonde hair, but like the two girls, his eyes were bright blue.

"Hello," the youngest girl stepped forward with her hand outstretched. "I'm Lucy Pevensie and these are my siblings." Rosemary shook Lucy's hand, trying to match the young girl's enthusiastic smile. When they pulled away, Lucy pointed to her siblings. "That's Susan, Edmund, and Peter."

So Peter was the blonde boy. With kind eyes and shaggy hair, Rosemary could see a little bit of resemblance to Peter Pan in fairytales.

"Hello. I'm Rosemary."

Lucy gasped. "That's such a beautiful name!"

Rosemary blushed. She always hated it because it was such an elegant name given to a girl who worked on a farm and always had dirt under her fingernails. "Thank you."

As Rosemary avoided any more eye contact with the Pevensie children and joined them around the table, conversation about a faun named Tumnus continued.

"Isn't there anything we can do to help Tumnus?" Peter asked. As much as he wanted to help, he also wanted to walk right back through that wardrobe where he knew his siblings were safe. Well, safer.

Beaver shook his head. "They'll have taken him to the Witch's house - though it's more of a castle. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is few that go through them gates that come back out."

Lucy's heart dropped for her new friend. All Mr. Tumnus had wanted was to make a new friend and he would die for that.

Mrs. Beaver placed her paw on the youngest Pevensie. "But there is hope, dear. Lots of hope. Especially now that you four are here."

Rosemary noticed how she wasn't part of the 'four' that Mrs. Beaver referred to but she didn't really care. She would do anything if it meant getting out of Narnia sooner rather than later.

"There's a right bit more than hope!" Beaver exclaimed before lowering his voice, "Aslan is on the move."

All four Pevensie children could hear the seriousness and respect in Beaver's voice and wondered who Aslan was. Only Edmund had the courage to ask.

"He's the rightful king of Narnia," Rosemary answered quietly. That was one of the things Mrs. Beaver had let her in on.

"How could you not know who Aslan is?" Beaver cried out.

"We haven't exactly been here long," Peter defended.

"He's been away for a long while - he only comes to Narnia when he has to - but he just got back and-"

Beaver cut his wife off, "-And he's waiting for you near the Stone Table!"

"He's waiting for us?" Lucy whispered. "Why us?"

Beaver froze in shock momentarily before shaking out of it. "You're bloomin' joking!" He turns to his wife, "They really don't know about the prophecy!"

"Then explain it to them," Mrs. Beaver kindly suggested.

Beaver sighed, "Okay, look. Aslan's return, Tumnus' arrest, the secret police - it's all happening because of you four!" He turned to Rosemary awkwardly. "Ehh, I'm not quite sure where you fit in, but if Narnia wanted you here, it's for a reason."

Rosemary just waved Beaver off. Not being part of a prophecy didn't bother her one bit. It was less pressure and responsibility, and she'd gotten used to being unwanted as of recent.

"You're blaming us?" said Susan.

"No, not blaming. Thanking you," Mrs. Beaver corrected.

"The prophecy says that 'when Adam's flesh and Adam's bone sits at Cair Paravel in throne, the evil time will be over and done'."

Ever the bookworm, Susan couldn't help but point out how the statement didn't rhyme like it probably should have. Rosemary smirked into her cup.

"I know it don't but you're missing the point!" Beaver was practically bursting at the seams with frustration and shock.

"It has long been foretold that two Sons of Adam and two Daughters of Eve will defeat the White Witch and restore peace to Narnia." The excitement was evident in Mrs. Beaver's voice at the prospect of freedom and no more winter, but the Pevensies were quick to shoot her down.

"You think we're the ones?" Peter questioned. He was the eldest of the four and only fifteen. There was no way he could save an entire country!

"You better be because Aslan's already fitted out your army."

"Army?" This was getting worse. Peter and his siblings couldn't lead an army. They could barely find themselves around Professor Kirke's manor!

Susan turned to Peter. "Mum sent us away so we wouldn't get caught up in a war."

"I think you've made a mistake," Peter tried to tell the Beavers. "We're not heroes."

"We're from Finchley," Susan added. Finchley, which was part of a whole other world they desperately wanted to get back to. She stood up with Peter. "Thank you for your hospitality, but we really have to go."

"You can't just leave!"

"Beaver is right," Lucy said softly. "We have to help Mr. Tumnus."

Peter wished so much that his father was there with him. Lucy was stubborn and persistent and only the man she got those traits from could stop her. But now he had to fill his father's shoes as best as he could. "It's out of our hands. I'm sorry, but it's time the four of us were getting home. Ed?"

Only there was no response from Edmund. Peter surveyed the room but Edmund was nowhere to be seen.

"Edmund?"

[Chapter Six] [Series Masterlist] [Masterlist]

#narnia #the chronicles of narnia #the lion the witch and the wardrobe #peter pevensie #edmund pevensie #susan pevensie #lucy pevensie #william moseley #peter pevensie x oc #peter pevensie x fem!oc #peter pevensie fanfiction #peter pevensie imagine #love #romance #adventure #fantasy #chronicles of narnia

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always5hineee · 4 years ago

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The Final Bell - Chapter 3: Baby Doll

Chapter warnings: none

Word count: 1840

Story is also available under Taffysamg on Quotev and Wattpad.

To see the full chapter list, go to the “Final Bell” Tab on my page.

-----

Y/N stared out the window, unsettled by what she saw. Everything was dry and windy, and the air was heavy. While she knew pollution must be down, everything had that solid tension about it. Taeyong and Taeil were making small talk, but she wasn't particularly listening. Every now and then, they'd pass an abandoned vehicle or a pile of trash, but aside from that she noticed no signs of life. While she was lost in thought, she was brought to attention by a voice.

"...Y/N!" She sat up quickly, looking around. Taeyong was staring at her intently.

"Sorry, I was... thinking."

"It's fine- I was just trying to let you know that we're here." He said, pointing towards the windshield. Sure enough, there was a small campsite in front of them as they slowed to a stop. There were two tents, a few boxes, a small grill, and a black Toyota Tundra. She was nervous to meet this character, but didn't want to show it in front of her two associates. Stepping out of the van, they walked into the center of the space.

"Hold on." Taeil said to her, moving to the tent on the right. Stomping in the dirt next to the structure, he said, "Johnny! We're here." After a bit of rustling, the front unzipped, and a man stepped out.

He was certainly taller than anyone she had met so far- six feet if she had to guess. He had defined features and faded red hair, although- like Taeil- it was evidently not his real hair color. He was definitely thin, but stronger than Taeyong and Taeil. He wore a pair of old jeans, a green shirt, and a leather vest, with combat boots to match. Out of all of this, though, one thing in particular caught her off guard.

His left arm- or rather, where his left arm should have been- there was a purple, twitching appendage, sewed on with black surgical stitches. While it's nails were clean and the flesh seemed to be staying on fairly well, it was unmistakable: a zombie arm.

She involuntarily stepped back, but before she could move away, he grabbed her wrists, holding her arms above her head and turning her in various directions.

"Hmm, interesting." He eyed her up and down, mentally measuring her. "I'm sure I can find something that fits you." Uncomfortable, she jerked her arms, ripping them away from his grip. He looked surprised for a moment, before his face settled into a questioning grin.

"What's the matter? Can't you talk?" She tried to say something in return, but only managed to open her mouth slightly. Staring at her for another moment, his expression shifted to understanding.

"Ah, I see. You think I'm turning." He waved his purple arm. "I assure you, sweetheart, you have nothing to worry about." Pointing to the stitching with his good hand, he said, "This isn't my real arm. I made her myself. The wound is closed underneath, so quit your shaking." Well if that wasn't the riskiest thing she'd ever seen, she didn't know what was.

"What happened to your real arm?" She managed to mutter. He laughed, reaching up to touch her face with his left hand. The skin was disgustingly cold, leaving a tingling feeling wherever it touched. She knew it was probably in her head, but she already felt infected as he felt her face.

"I cut it off." He whispered playfully. Backing up and spinning on his heel, he pretended as if he had not just been incredibly creepy. "Keeps you on your toes, you know? Reminds you how fleeting this all is. It does have a mind of its own, though." He admitted, evidenced by its twitching. She was more than uncomfortable at this point, staring at the seam between his human and undead bodies. So he had... cut off his own arm, and sewed on this zombie one, for fun? Or as he called it, a 'reminder'. This dude was unhinged.

"Quit messing around, Johnny." Taeyong said, stepping in and pulling her back. Thankfully, his hands were warm, and undoubtedly human. "We just need new clothes for her, all our stuff at camp doesn't fit well."

"Yes, yes, I know. Like I said, I'm sure I have a few things her size. So demanding. You won't be leader for long if you act like that."

"I'm not the leader." Taeyong muttered under his breath, crossing his arms and shifting his glare."

"Sure. Anyway, I'll return momentarily. Feel free to look around." He offered, turning to Y/N. "You can go wherever, but just be prepared for what you find." With a wink that sent a shiver up her spine, he moved towards the back of the setup to open a box.

"Don't mind him." Taeil said, sensing her discomfort. "He's just strange like that. Plus, he's probably upset that we didn't bring Mark." She had practically forgotten about Mark at this point- she hadn't seen him since they exited the van the first time. Assumedly, he had gone to his own tent.

"Why would he care?" She asked. "Are they related, or friends, or something?" Taeil shook his head.

"Not exactly. Mark's just his favorite for some reason. He's never explained it to us. Still, Taeyong doesn't like them to be together for too long. I think he's worried that Johnny will make too much of an impression." That made sense. Mark seemed like a nice dude, and she couldn't imagine what Johnny could do if he got a complete hold on him. Before Taeyong could cut in to explain further, Johnny returned.

"Here, I found four complete outfits of your size. It's not exactly ideal, but it's all that'll fit. I guess you guys will just start doing laundry more often, or suffer with ill-fitting attire. There are also two pairs of shoes, some makeup if you're into that, and some sanitary stuff." Holding out a bag, she reluctantly took it. As much as she hated it, it was all stuff she needed. "I also threw a few sets of earrings in there. Wouldn't want your piercings to close up."

She breathed in sharply. In the few seconds that he had looked at her, he not only assessed her exact sizes, but the fact that she had piercings as well? Not only that, but she didn't actually have jewelry in at the moment, meaning that he had noticed the tiny holes. He was unnervingly observant, to say the least.

"Do you need any earrings, boys? You've both had those studs in for quite a while."

"We're fine." Taeil said shortly. Johnny sighed, almost like an annoyed child.

"Shame. You two are so boring. Still, that reminds me-" He addressed Y/N directly again. "I can do pretty much any tattoo or piercing you might want, just let me know." Scrunching her gaze, she questioned,

"Can you do a clean tattoo without proper equipment?" Johnny feigned offense.

"My, do you have no faith? I happen to have done plenty of tattoos post-disaster. In fact, I've done more than a few for your friends over there. Speaking of which-" he walked over to drape his arms across the boys' shoulders. "Is she planning on matching you all?"

"Matching?" She asked. Clearly without asking them first, Johnny grabbed both their shirts. Pulling up Taeyong's sleeve and the bottom hem of Taeil's shirt, he revealed very similar tattoos. Each was in a delicate script, a list of some kind. Looking closer, she read them.

Taeyong

Jaehyun

Yuta

WinWin

Haechan

Mark

Doyoung

Taeil

Jungwoo

Johnny

The final two names were slightly brighter, alluding to the fact that they had been added later. The line through WinWin's name was also a bright shade.

"Do all of you have these?" She asked, eliciting a nod from both of them.

"We debated on the line, but decided that it would be appropriate. We'll be using it if, god forbid, anything happens to anyone else. Johnny added himself when we went to get Jungwoo added." Taeyong shot an annoyed look at him. "Still, he helps us out, so I have no right to complain."

"So, will you be adding this lovely lady to your ranks?" Johnny asked, dropping their clothing from his fists.

"I'd have to talk to everyone, but maybe if she sticks around." He glanced over. "Have you gotten a tattoo since all this started?" He asked. She shook her head. She was already dreading the idea of having Johnny's dead hand anywhere near her, not to mention a discomfort around needles. She would definitely have to think about it.

"Well, I'm always ready to ink someone up." He concluded, gesturing to Taeil again. "I've done more than a few of his little art pieces." She had to admit, the tattoos covering his body were very skillful. Everything fell silent for a moment, but she was brought to attention by the clap of a hand.

"So! To discuss my payment." Johnny smiled, causing her stomach to drop.

"Payment?" Of course. No one gives anyone anything for free. What kind of payment did a psycho like this take?

"Yes, honey, payment. I have to survive out here! Generally one earns something through the exchange of goods-" He snaked a hand around her waist, causing her to shiver again. "And/or services."

"You owe us, Johnny." Taeyong said matter-of-factly, gently brushing him off and dragging Y/N back to where he was standing. "We saved your ass when you were clean out of food and three seconds off from getting eaten alive." He put a hand to his chin thoughtfully.

"Oh, so you're cashing in for the little lady? He must really like you." He said with a shrug. "That's a shame, baby doll, but you'll be back. I look forward to it- you're intriguing." Leading her away from Johnny's camp, Taeil and Taeyong brought her to the van, facing away from the man. Still, he called,

"Nice meeting you, sweetheart!"

"Her name is Y/N." Taeyong shot back. "Have some decency." And with that, they got in and began their drive back home. She watched out the back window as Johnny simply stood, staring as they drove into the distance. He stood stone still until Y/N could no longer make out his figure.

"I'm sorry if that was strange." Taeyong murmured apologetically. "I know he's not... ideal. Still, he generally has anything we might need, and honestly I don't know if we'd have made it without him. I would have talked to him myself, but he needed your size." She shook her head, trying to seem unfazed.

"It's fine."

"You'll only have to go again if you need a tattoo or something, other than that you can stay behind if you'd like." She nodded. She didn't really feel like talking anymore, and both the boys respected that. They had maybe an hour left on their three hour prognosis, so things would be busy when they returned. She wondered if she could find some monotonous task to help with to take her mind off the afternoon's events.

Go to Chapter 4

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blue-mint-winter · 4 years ago

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ST Voy s5e04 In the Flesh - Voyager encounters a replica of EArth and Starfleet HQ, Chakotay infiltrates it and does some Bond-esque spying, complete with a Bond girl, played by Ellen Tigh actress if I’m not mistaken. Turns out it’s species 8472 (WHO WE STILL DON’T KNOW THEIR REAL NAME) training facility for infiltrating Earth. Janeway fears the worst, a full-scale invasion. Only Voyager can stop it. I found this episode interesting and enjoyable, especially with how both sides finally met each other properly and had a chance to talk. Maybe the aliens aren’t so scary, maybe they’re just scared of us? The episode tied up this loose thread and Voyager managed to fix the mess they made with at least this one really powerful species. It was uplifting that the peaceful comminucation with them was established.

s5e05 Once Upon a Time - The ep centers around Naomi Wildman, the first and only child on Voyager. Her mother, ensign Wildman was on away mission when the shuttle crashed. Neelix doesn’t want to tell Naomi the truth, hoping Wildman will be found before. This ep not only introduces the child character, who I find quite cute and charming, but also explores Neelix’s own trauma over losing his family and how it affects him as Naomi’s caretaker. He even snapped at Janeway and I liked how she handled it, with compassion and understanding. She’s a great captain. The whole story had a happy ending :)

s5e06 Timeless - This ep was an absolute drag, Voyager is under ice on some planet it crashed on because they tried the new slipstream engine and it threw them off course. The only survivors, Kim and Chakotay are trying to undo the mistake Kim made by transmitting a message to the past. This ep is just the combination of the worst - a very mediocre, slow paced, boring story, with two characters I don’t like much, another Chakotay fling, Kim being “edgy”, which looks just very pretentious and an uninspired Geordi cameo. Ugh. There was just nothing I’d actually be interested in (even drunk Seven was just another fail). I’d rather watch another ep with Flotter and Treevis adventures.

s5e07 Infinite Regress - Seven can’t catch a break, she experiences another problem with her mind by developing more personalities. It’s very creepy to see her act as all these other people. Thankfully, in the second half, ep gets better because there is a good explanation why she’s ill - an alien race infected Borg cube with a virus that makes the central element storing personalities malfunction. The aliens attack because they want that element to be taken by the Borg so it would kill them, but Janeway first wants to cure Seven. The scene with Tuvok mind-melding with Seven to help her were very psychedelic, I think they showed the chaos inside her mind very graphically. All’s well that ended well. How fun that Janeway didn’t mind giving back the gizmo even if it could mean Borg genocide. Hmmm. A good part of the ep was Naomi making friends with Seven and learning from her. When Naomi first appeared she was scared of Seven, so this was nice character development for both of them.

#st #voy #my thoughts

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gavillain · 5 years ago

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Mother Knows Best: A Tale of the Old Witch by Serena Valentino Review

Serena Valentino's villain series is... interesting. I really loved Fairest of All when I first read it, then A Beast Within was disappointing and cluttered, then Poor Unfortunate Soul was awful and weighed down by an over reliance on Valentino's OCs and running plot, then Mistress of Evil was literally the worst Maleficent thing I've ever wasted time on, and then The Odd Sisters was "no payoff” incarnated into a single book. I had skipped over Mother Knows Best (which is actually the fifth novel in the series, set before The Odd Sisters) originally because I'd been burned by Valentino before and didn't like Gothel enough to give it a try. But my friend said it was actually on the better end, and I'd already suffered through the rest so, hey, might as well complete the series.

Before I say what I thought of the book, I need to address my opinions of Tangled and Mother Gothel in general. So I like Tangled. I don't love Tangled. I think it's on the better end of Revival era Disney movies but on the lesser end of Disney movies on the whole. It really took me until the Tangled TV show to come around to liking Rapunzel and Eugene as much as I do, and I definitely feel like the show made me appreciate the movie Tangled more than I did at first. Likewise, my feelings on Mother Gothel are about the same: one of the best villains of the Revival era but one of Disney's weakest overall. My issue with Mother Gothel is that, though she was basically the last real Disney villain, it doesn't feel like the writers were that invested in making her a character in her own right. Unlike Dr. Facilier one movie earlier, her motivations are only told to us by the opening narration and she gets only two very short scenes from her point of view. For the most part, she exists only as she pertains to Rapunzel, just there to fill the role of Rapunzel's abusive mother without having much character of her own. And having my default Rapunzel story in my head being Into the Woods (the stage play, btw, not Disney’s compressed film version) with a really complex and nuanced Witch character, Gothel was never satisfying. As a result, I feel like Gothel was always ripe to be filled in with more information to flesh her out and make her feel less like a stereotype and more like a character. As a result, I ended up loving this book. Well, okay, my bar for Valentino books at this point is super low, and this one cleared the bar so I probably am grading it on a curve. Don't love it as much as Fairest of All, but it's an easy second place in this series. I had a good time reading it, and I got sucked into Gothel's character and struggles. Here's the thing: if I liked Tangled more then I probably WOULDN'T like this book because it takes a sledgehammer to Tangled's film lore and also gives very little room for any of the TV show events or characters to exist. That said, I find the book's original ideas to be engaging and fun, and I think they're cooler than the movie's. A quick plot summary (spoilers ahoy): Gothel and her two sisters Primrose and Hazel are the three daughters of the witch Manea, the queen of the Dead Woods. Gothel and her sisters are set to become real witches by Manea sharing her blood with them. However, Primrose detests how evil their mother is and the wicked things she does, and she tries to rebel. This leads Manea to try to kill Primrose. Unwilling to let her sister die, Gothel burns her mother's magic Rapunzel flowers, causing Manea to crumble into dust by rapid aging. Gothel and her sisters attempt to move on with their lives and pick up the pieces, but Gothel's sisters soon become terribly ill following Manea's spirit coming back for revenge. The three Odd Sisters arrive under the pretense of helping in exchange for Gothel sharing Manea's magic books with them. However, despite all of Gothel's efforts, her sisters succumb to their illnesses and die. Gothel is devastated, and the Odd Sisters give her a spell that puts her to sleep for centuries. Gothel's undead servant Sir Jacob keeps her alive as she sleeps by using the last surviving Rapunzel flower. When Gothel awakes, she becomes obsessed with reviving her sisters. However, when the armies of Corona storm the Dead Woods to find the Rapunzel flowers, Gothel flees with her sisters' tombs and one single Rapunzel flower and goes to live in a cottage far away. She lives there peacefully with her cook Mrs. Tiddlebottom for a time, but eventually word gets out about the remaining flower and the Coronans come for it. Gothel, desperate for the flower to keep her alive and one day possibly revive her sisters, goes and kidnaps the princess whose hair now has the flower's power. Gothel names the child Rapunzel after the flower and leaves her to Tiddlebottom to raise and take care of whilst she studies her witchcraft to revive her sisters. On Rapunzel's eighth birthday, Tiddlebottom walks in on Gothel and the Odd Sisters trying and failing to use Rapunzel's hair to revive Hazel and Primrose and interrupts the ritual. The Odd Sisters wipe Tiddlebottom's memories, and Gothel decides to whisk Rapunzel away to the tower until her hair is long enough to complete the spell. However Gothel, having no interest in being a mother, has the Odd Sisters place Rapunzel in an enchanted sleep where she would dream of living out her days with a loving and doting Mother Gothel. After ten years, Rapunzel's hair is finally long enough and she awakes from her decade long slumber, blissfully unaware that her life had all just been a dream. The events of the movie happen and Gothel dies, her ambitions unfulfilled. Maybe a not so quick plot summary XD It's a fairly long book, and a lot happens, as you can see. The flower is no longer a single mythical sundrop hoarded by Gothel, but, rather, a breed of flower cultivated by the witches of the Dead Woods. Gothel doesn't even TRY to be Rapunzel's mother, and most of Rapunzel's childhood is nothing more than a dream. And there's a lot of extra lore with the witches. So, what I like MOST about this books is everything up until the destruction of the Dead Woods. The Dead Woods is a decaying forest where the neighboring villages are ordered to turn over their dead to. If a village tries to hoard their dead bodies, then Manea sends an army of the undead to slaughter their village. The setting is very macabre and gothic, and its got a great Halloween feel to everything that takes place in this setting. It's creepy and fun, and Gothel's mother Manea makes for a great villain despite her limited appearances. I'm not super fond of Primrose or Hazel, and I feel like they're kind of generic in personalities, but I do like Gothel having someone she cares about THAT much. And Primrose being the one disturbed by Manea's evil leaves Gothel plenty of room to be kind of enthralled by it in a way that makes her stand out nicely. In fact, Gothel is fittingly really good in this book. Her personality is not really the one we saw in Tangled, but the book explains that the movie events are Gothel trying to put on a motherly act after having not done anything for a decade. And, to be honest, I like her personality in the book more than the movie version. She talks more like a person than a stereotype, which is nice. She's not just some vain woman, but someone smart and cunning who is not without compassion but who will tolerate and commit any depravity as a means to an end. I found her to be a fun and engaging villain protagonist. I also appreciate that while Gothel never gets to become a full out witch with powers because Manea never completely the blood ritual, she's constantly surrounded by witchcraft and necromancy and her lack of magic is actually an important plot point and disadvantage that she works to overcome. Again, something I always felt missing from Movie-Gothel was magic and witchcraft so I appreciated this book giving it back without contradicting the movie. While Poor Unfortunate Soul and Mistress of Evil both had the problem of their focus villains being only supporting characters while Valentino's OCs were the main characters, Gothel in this book is fully and completely the point of view character outside of a hand full of chapters. Valentino's OCs don't get in the way as much in this book. The Odd Sisters kind of do get annoying and in the way at a few points (a lot of the recounting of the movie events are literally "The Odd Sisters watch Tangled with wacky commentary"), but they're not as bad here as they are in some of the other books. We don't find out in this book, but in The Odd Sisters, they're revealed as Gothel's half sisters, so there's a bit more relevance to them here than in, say, Maleficent or Ursula's stories. So, yeah, overall a pretty good read, imo. Maybe not the best thing in the world, but I'm glad I went back and grabbed this one. Gave me a new appreciation for Gothel. Also, you gotta love these covers under the dust jacket with the alternate faces.

#Mother Gothel #Serena Valentino #Mother Knows Best A Tale of the Old Witch #Tangled #Disney Villains #long post #Mother Knows Best #book review #Tangled critical

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ftkd-arts · 5 years ago

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HC: Dumbbell

Remember Dumbbell, Rainbow Dash's old bully? He's a main parent in Harmonyverse, the bo of not one, but two of the Mane Six.

[[MORE]]

Throughout his foalhood, he took his frustrations out on pegasi runts, because his father had repeatedly told him he himself was a runt. That doesn't excuse Dumbbell's actions, of course, but that's where the seed of poor self esteem was planted, resulting in Dumbbell being a chaotic bully figure. He was the kind of bully that was sometimes your rude friend too; the type you invite over for a game of baseball or something every once and awhile. Basically he was a Buford from Phineas and Ferb-esque bully.

Dumbbell is a mountain of a muscular pegasus. Despite his job at the Weather Factory, which he was forced into taking as a teen after his cheating father ditched his sick mom, Dumbbell never truly have up on his life goal; weightlifting. He wanted to become a famous sportsman, so he could have the money to take care of his mom, brothers and sisters.

The "Boy Bullies" are all brothers, only a few of their numerous siblings. He was the oldest boy, so it fell to him to be the breadwinner until their mom recovered from an illness. Hoops had too much riding on him with the basketball team, and Score was already an intern for an Equestrian Hoofball company. It made the most sense for Dumbbell to quickly snag a full-time gig at the Weather Factory. Score and Hoops managed to get part-time spots.

As an adult, Dumbbell quite likes his job and the world of meteorology. He still hasn't given up on bodybuilding, and one day wishes to hold the world record for lifting weights.

That's where Dumbbell met Lance Barbell, better known as Bulk Biceps. Cloudsdale was holding a weightlifting competition that Dumbbell caught wind of, only by his co-workers complaining about the Oatstrian rock of a pegasus that kept winning. Dumbbell got his bros to cover for him, determined to prove himself against this loud stallion... And thus, a rivalry was born.

Dumbbell was baffled by the sheer strength of Bulk Biceps. Bulk kept one-uping him, and Dumbbell was well pissed by the seventh time that dumb stranger won over him.

Like the idiot he is, Dumbbell ended up spraining his back. Thankfully, Bulk Biceps is also a physical therapist, and offered to fix Dumbbell right up, free of charge. Reluctantly, Dumbbell took the offer. He was basically just insulting Bulk Biceps the entire time... and didn't seem to notice when the insults became playful banter.

Afterwards, Dumbbell kept running into Lance at the gym, day after day, until eventually, the two started waiting for the other to show up. Their rivalry was soon filtered in friendship.

Bulk Biceps, very nervously, cracked up the courage to sing Dumbbell a song he had wrote about him... a love song, that is. Dumbbell turned into a stammering beet red dork, of course, so the only way to answer his friend's love declaration was to kiss the shy stallion.

They married young and quickly, Bulk opted to have a child, twhich Bell agreed, after some convincing. Their only son is one Featherweight. Dumbbell festered a lot of fear over parenthood, hating the idea of ruining his kid or becoming his own asshole of a father. When Featherweight was very young, Dumbbell kept a distance, and started taking up more shifts at the factory. Due to his absence, Bulk Biceps started to become lonely and clingy towards his husband. This only drew Dumbbell farther away, as he was uncomfortable with how dependant everyone was on him...

Bulk and Bell struggled for a long time, until he missed Featherweight's nineth birthday party. Featherweight had waited all day for his Pops to come. Then he waited until midnight. 1 AM. 2 AM. Soon enough, it was 6 o'clock in the morning. He ended up falling asleep in Bulk's arms, with snot and tears coating his fur.

Dumbbell finally arrived home at seven. He had forgotten about the special day, since a crowd of pegasi were trying out for the Wonderbolts and he had wanted to watch. He had been with one try-out all night... He swore to Lance nothing happened despite the signals that mare was sending him, but Bulk couldn't forgive Dumbbell for missing their son's birthday, just so he could flirt. "Maybe, if you don't plan on showing up for your son's birthday... you shouldn't show up at all."

And so, the pair divorced. Bulk Biceps took primary custody of Featherweight.

Dumbbell threw himself into his work after that. He climbed the ladder until he managed his own team of employees. He was doing so good that when the Wind Rider took a tour of the establishment, he offered to set the chap up with his daughter!

Fresh off a divorce, but Dumbbell couldn't refuse a date with a celebrity's kid, espiecally when that celebrity kept joking about ending Dumbbell's career if he hurt Wind Rider's daughter. So, a blind date ensued.

Wouldn't you know it, the mare turned out to be that try-out flirt, a miss Lightning Dust. Their relationship was always rocky and filled with arguments and pettiness, but they did genuinely love each other. When Lightning Dust came up pregnant, Wind Rider pressured the two into a shotgun marriage. From then on, they had even more things to disbute over. Wind chose the name of their first son, Thunderweight.

The first big chip at their love was when a colt Thunderweight attempted a dangerous flight trick that Lightning Dust had promised was harmless. A baby could do it, she insisted! Well, little Thunder landed right into the hospital with multiple broken bones and a concussion. Their house was brimming with fights over the past few days, until Dumbbell threatened to take the matter to court (and take Thunderweight away, permanently). Lightning Dust eventually agreed to dismantle the Washouts and join a different team, the Shadowbolts; a group of quick pegasi racers.

They had three more children-- Phoenix Ashes, and the baby twins Hailstorm and Whirlwind. Dumbbell finally had enough of Lightning Dust's smooth manipluations when it was discovered that Phoenix had a personality disorder caused by her mother's "tough love", aka how Light would only give Phoenix attention if she did what she wanted. If not, Lightning Dust acted as if her eldest girl didn't exist. What Dumbbell hated more was how Lightning Dust just shrugged and dismissed this, thinking her race was more important than this "dumb little visit".

Dumbbell divorced and convinced the court that the children would be better off with him. Even Wind Rider couldn't muster up the lawyers to get custody for the kids.

Dumbbell tried being a very present, very good single dad. He had to give little Phoenix a bit more care than the others, stirring up some resentment among her siblings. Thunderweight became her ruthless bully, as he blamed her for the divorce, and even roped a child Hailstorm into preying upon Phoenix Ashes. She became terrified of her brothers and stopped leaving her room. Dumbbell was so exhausted caring for all of them and working full-time... it was so, so hard; he didn't know how his mother had done it.

In her mid-teens, Phoenix Ashes ran away from Cloudsdale. Dumbbell was beside himself with worry and was a shade from a mental breakdown, when Whirlwind suggested that maybe if he found someone new to love, he might be happier. He didn't go out right away; he waited frantically until he got a call from Featherweight, claiming that Phoenix was staying with him for a while.

Dumbbell hadn't talked to his first kid in so long. They talked for hours and hours, simply exchanging life stories. Turns out, Featherweight was now a professional sports photographer and the hotshot Editor In Chief of the Ponyville Newspaper. The scrawny pegasus was even about to be a father himself! It felt so nice getting to know his son again. Dumbbell promised that they would talk more. To Featherweight's delight, he's kept it.

Knowing his daughter was safe gave Dumbbell a chance to relax for a moment. He had been scaring himself with nightmares and terrible daydreams of what might've happened to her. He took a few weeks to breathe and reconnect with his family.

Dumbbell knew that Thunderweight and Hailstorm, though a surly duo, were just scared kids deep down, missing their mother terribly. Dumbbell tried to get closer to them, and encouraged their special talents, beauty and art respectively. He even got his boys to workout with him, sometimes. That's not to say their behavior went unpunished-- Dumbbell refused to let Thunderweight tryout for the Wonderbolts and he took away Hailstorm's art supplies. ("You can go back to whatever you're doing when you learn some manners, colts. You're not children anymore, so stop acting like it! Phoenix Ashes is your /sister/, your flesh and blood, and you drove her away. Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves!")

Thank Celestia his youngest wasn't an asshole. Whirlwind had been cooking up some date for a while now, and she was so happy when dear ole dad finally accepted to go. Whirlwind couldn't help spilling her idea.

Whirly wanted him to go out with a girl he had briefly dated in his teenage years... Rainbow Dash. Reluctantly, Bell gave her a call. He was surprised that he actually heard back from her; and even more so when she said yes.

Dumbbell scrambled to the date, nervous but cocky, and was a bit shaken up when he found out Rainbow Dash had brought her wife to the date.

The Earth Pony was very excited to meet him. Her name was "Pinkamena Diane Pie, but all my friends call me Pinkie Pie!"

Dumbbell was very confused and very awkward. He went on with it nervously, but ended up having a great time. Pinkie Pie was so upbeat, energetic and funny, and Rainbow Dash was still a proud showboat dork. They had another date. And another. And another. And another.

Eventually, Dumbbell was the wives' official boyfriend. They didn't mind that he had kids, seeing as they had their own herd nicknamed "the Quad Squad", consisting of Airhead, Creampuff, Starburst and Jawbreaker.

After Thunderweight got his own place, Dumbbell soon moved to Ponyville. He lives with Pinkie, Rainbow Crash, Crash's parents, Whirlwind and Hailstorm.

Dumbbell's parenting skills have definitely improved, but he still doesn't think himself that great of a dad. He tries to be there for all his children now, and that's really all he can do at that point. He's so sorry that he missed so much of Featherweight's life, or how he didn't see how severe the bullying was on Phoenix... He slightly hates himself for not being a better father sooner. But he can't change the past, so at least he can be there for them in the present.

Other notes~

- In the Humanverse, Dumbbell comes from mixed background, but is mostly Brazilian. He is a hybrid of vague horse breeds in Ponyverse, but is very tall, muscular, and fluffy. His design is partly inspired by Lopoddity's art of him, and his father walking out on him was her idea too.

(Design description; his fur turns the color of his mane at the uncolored parts, the darkness on his ear tips and shoulder blades resemble the hue of chocolate, and the color of his hooves match that of Hoops' pelt color. I imagine his eyes as more of an icey blue than moderate azure.)

- Featherweight is the father of Apple Bloom's daughter Candy Blossom. The four prominent adults in her life share her; Feathers, AB, AB's girlfriend Diamond Tiara, and Feather's bf Pipsqueak. Dumbbell is always ready to visit his wittle granddaughter, yes yes

- Dumbbell's mother did recover from her illness after a hassle of years. It was hard, but they got there.

- Bulk Biceps enjoys a quiet, if not distant, friendship with his ex-husband. He's happy that he's a better pony now, but he wasn't going to wait for that to happen. Instead, he remarried to a strong mare by the name of Maud Pie. Featherweight's half-sibling is called Smoky Quartz.

(Since Maud is no longer with Starlight and Trixie in my verse, I've moved them around a bit. Trixie is now the wife of con-artist Flim and nature enthusiast Mudbriar, carrying their two children Willow Wisp and Wildflower, the minions of Prince Janus. I haven't decided who Starlight Glimmer is with yet- suggestions are appreciated!)

- Dumbbell's brother Hoops went onto become a local sportspony, a celebrity in Ponyville. His main gig is basketball, which to the ponies translates to punching the ball with your head or chin instead of hands. Hoops is a confident, secretly insecure boyo, that also turns into a beet red dork at the notion of romance.

Hoops is married to ex-single mother Ditzy Doo (nicknamed "Derpy Hooves" by Ponyville), and is stepfather to her daughter Dinky Doo. Hoops had his own son with her named Butterhoof after adopting a young teenage Screwball.

- Score is a tubby, socially awkward fella with social anxiety and shyness over his stunted size (he's rather short and chubby for the stallions in his family). He was the push-over type; he wasn't ever really /the/ mean bully, but the one that would encourage him and repeat what he said. He still doesn't speak up often, but is more outspoken than he was as a child or in his early to mid 20s (which is when the show takes place to me).

Score would take a paying job in Appleloosa for a small business interested in teaching sports to the youth. There Braeburn would charm the socks off Score, impressing him with shows of his Apple strength, community influence, bravery, and the flowers he kept sending his winged co-worker. Score just couldn't refuse that daring smirk when Braeburn asked him out.

Their relationship would go strong for many years... And they still are. They're that pair that argues like a married couple before they're married (they are btw), while simultaneously they're those lovebirds that can't stop snuggling each other. The two have tons of pet names, and even more embarrassing nicknames for their son Snapple.

- Dumbbell and Rainbow Dash love to shit talk Lightning Dust together. It's one of the many things that ensured their quick romance. Other reasons include endless banter, shit talking literally everything, routine workouts where they pushed each other to the limit, racing competitions, competitions in general (they hoof-wrestle a lot), flustering the hell outta the other, etc. In short, they're jerk jocks in love.

Dumbbell's relationship with Pinkie isn't as sweetly bitchy as his with Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie loves snuggles, kisses all de time, and is a big fan of physical contact. Her love language consists of touch and/or verbal affection. Dumbbell is thankful he found someone who is always trying to teach him something new and exciting.

She likes laying on Bell's back, teaching him how to bake, helping him through his daddy issues, encouraging his pre-existing passions, and using his shadow as shade. Dumbbell is patient with Pinkie the most of all; she is a bipolar, autistic dwarf-- though she may fall hard into depression, or may not understand something right away, it doesn't mean that's bad. It just takes bit more time, and her partners are willing to give it.

- Jawbreaker and Dumbbell box all the time. Pseudo father/son bonding time

- Dumbbell's full name is Buck Dum Belle. Pinkie calls him Bucky. Rainbow Dash calls him Dummy.

And that's all folks, my dumb hc for this one-off character that I've grown attached to, hope you enjoyed ✌️ don't take my headcanonnnn or y'know also my art. I actually redid the drawing (the other was completely different, undetailed, plain, and bland) and I'm so glad I did. This one is sooo much better you don't even know. (Yes, I did upload this on Pastelglitchesxx, but I didn't like the format so I changed it up.)

HC: Screwball; https://www.deviantart.com/gayswillrule/art/HC-Screwball-815984452

HC: Derpy Hooves; https://www.deviantart.com/gayswillrule/art/HC-Derpy-Hooves-notes-818998776

#mlp #mlp friendship is magic #mlp headcanons #mlp headcanon #dumbbell #dumbbell headcanon #dumbbell head canons #mlp dumbbell #mlp dumbbell headcanon #mlp next gen #harmonyverse #pastelglitches19 #dumbdash #pinkiedashbell #pinkiedash #pinkiebell #poly #next gen #peace ✌️

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somarysueme · 5 years ago

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WicDiv Thoughts, some overly personal

stiiiiiillllll can’t really put together my feelings about the end and epilogue. I will say that I liked the ending and epilogue more than I expected to*, and the longer I sit on it, I find more things to like about it.

(* Except for everything about Baal and Mini)

That said, there’s still that huge, unpleasant gap between what I wanted/expected this comic was supposed to be, and what it actually intended/was. I wrote this post after 43 (the “everyone does the thing” chapter), using bits of a half-written reaction to 39 ("Laura did the thing” chapter) to talk about that gap. I decided to sit on it til everything was said and done Just In Case, but I mostly still agree with what I’d written.

So Here Are My Thoughts

The full pantheon abdicating! This is basically where I expected us to go. Since 39 it seems like the natural place for the story to be headed. Laura’s revelations, along with the Daddy Forgive Us special made it clear that the only way out of the game was not to play it. I was kinda luke warm on that concept, but it made sense for where the story was at that point. I was waiting to see how it actually played out before getting fussy about it.

I give him a C for execution here. Maybe a C+.

I thought Dio’s moment was great. Jon’s was beautiful. Inanna’s I definitely could have gotten behind if he’d actually gotten to have any of that arc on the page instead of getting put on a bus 30 chapters ago.

The rest range from “meh” to “yikes.”

I could have liked this, I wanted to like this. Given how much “OKAY” has been miles more thoughtful than Mothering Invention, I was genuinely hoping to like this. I would have loved to see these kids find something more important than godhood to live for. But that’s not what we got.

We did get them realizing that being a god is not worth dying for. Which is good! And essential! And basically the central conceit of this comic!

But.

But...

I really wanted to see our cast value their lives period. And while there was some of that, there was far more of seeing them be humbled. We saw them beaten down until they had no choice but to admit they Were Not Special (or at least, were not as special as they thought). I was hoping for them to find a capacity to value their lives because their lives have value whether or not they are special, but instead it was a story about being humbled, and I guess to me, I just can’t see that what young queer artists need is help being humbled. They need help being valued as people, they need the internal presence of self to command that value be respected, and they need the external support to give them a fighting chance at that. And not to be That Fan, but that fighting chance doesn’t come from individual actions. It comes from worker solidarity and respect for labor as labor. It just doesn’t work for me to have a series around the exploitation and consumption of young talent and leave anything material about money and labor practices out of the material.

(McKelvie’s My (6000 F) pantheon has unionized joke, but unironically.)

Anyway this comic was all about Don’t Let This Happen To You. And that’s a good start, but I was hoping for it to be so much more than that. It could be that this is me looking at WicDiv and wanting it to say something broader about specialness and creativity and mental illness and exploitation.

(There’s a lot to be unpacked wrt presenting itself as a story about the whole world through all of human history, while also intending to be psuedoautobiographical for a very specific set of circumstances. But that’s not this post.)

It’s weird because like, Fandemonium already delivered masterfully on Laura learning to value herself outside of godhood. Laura’s last pre-apoptheosis soliloquy about “I can’t save any of them, but I can still help them” was one of those wham moments that really cemented this book’s place in my heart. Living through Fandemonium and realizing that the gods were people, and needed actual love and support from people who cared about them as people, and that just being a decent friend is something worth living for, fuck!! That’s good shit!! That’s fucking excellent!!

And for the rest of WicDiv’s run, I was always waiting for the story to get back to that place, but it never really did.

(ETA AFTER 45 IS OUT: ok fine I fucking love that Laura saved Luci. Big Gay Hero Girl drags naughty non-devil out of hell and they kiss, fucking A+. But “can’t save but CAN help” is still something I wish the comic had followed up on more. The friendship thing got touched on a little bit too, but never in a way I found as satisfying as Fandemonium.)

So anyway Luci going Full Diva. Her future is this and her future is nothing.

The longer I chew on it, the more I like it, and the more it seems like the inevitable place for Elanor Rigby’s story to go. It’s a good continuation from where we last saw her have any scrap of agency, but also frustrating in that “the lat time we saw her have any scrap of agency” was basically the entire comic ago. It was jarring to have her go from [One Sassy Line Per Issue] to [Maybe I’m The Final Boss]. Her story suffered deeply suffered from all the time she spent off screen. But despite all that, I’m very much really looking forward to whatever the fuck Laura Wilson’s going to do about this.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up for Talk Her Down ending. It seems perfectly in line with this series to end with the moral of “sometimes, no matter how kind or brave or caring you are, people you love pick their addictions over living.” That’s a song I’ve already heard live and in person, and I don’t really want or need to hear anyone else’s studio cover.

Uh final thought on 43 is.... Minanke DOES seem to count herself as part of the 12, which still lines up with my Emily Was Also A Fake God theory (Fauxmaterasu theory? Nokami hypothesis? Amaterasuspicion?) but it does seem unlikely to actually be a Thing between now and the epilogue. shrug.

(ETA AGAIN: I had to write out my feelings on 39 and Laura’s own abdication (unpotheosis?) to properly respond to 43. So here’s a draft of another unpublished post that I fleshed out.)

I have extremely mixed feelings about chapter 39.

First Feeling: thank fuck the pregnancy plot is over.

Second feeling: establishing abdication as an option established a nice overarching shape to this book. Things have felt directionless for many chapters, but this does make it seem like we are back on some kind of track.

Third Feeling: kinda liking abdication as a general direction for endgame. For most of the series, I was hoping the whole that there actually was Something Important about the recurrence, but since it's clear now that it’s basically all lies, I like this this angle well enough.

Strongest Feeling: hell fucking yes to Laura’s shaved head.

(Tangential Feeling: buzzing your own head is good and you should think about doing it. Doing it for catharsis in a moment of crisis is A-OK, but I did it once just because I felt like it and it was fucking great. banishing your high maintenance hair does not cure depression, but it does give you back an hour of personal upkeep every day and the fuzzy head is wonderful to touch.)

Contrary to most of the fandom, though, I absolutely loathed Laura’s monologue here, and the context that it puts around her not-choice. There’s a lot of shitty Hot Takes out there about how mental illness and addition and creation intersect. A lot of people will suggest that being unhealthy makes you a better artist, and what’s more that being a better artist is worth being unhealthy. This series is unambiguously and steadfastly against that message, which is one of the absolute best and most important things about it! I don’t want to diminish that.

But that all said, seeing Laura alone in the dark describing “an addicts moment of clarity” was... jesus it was all kinds of personally painful and upsetting. It hurt real bad, and not in the way I though I had agreed to be hurt. And I’m not sure how to spell out why.

I have thousands and thousands of words on why it struck such a sour cord in me, but a lions share can be summed up with “fuck absolutely every story where a Troubled Girl just needed to get traumatized/humiliated/humbled enough to Realize How Bad She Was Being.” Double fuck this one in particular for showing the girl getting over addiction/mental illness by literally sitting alone in the dark thinking about how much she fucked up. That story is tired, and cruel, and dangerous, and thank Christ I encountered this comic at 30 and not 19 because I would have swallowed it down with all the other poison that Helpful Adults fed me.

But yeah though, her shaved look is fucking adorable as shit. Neither she nor Britany made any hair mistakes.

ETA ULTIMATE: That last bit is the one thing in this post I don’t quite still stand by. By the end, it’s clear that the above wasn’t at all the story this book was trying to tell at all. I thought WicDiv was trying to tell some Epic Truths, Hard-Facts-About-Human-Nature shit. But despite the sweeping setup (All Across The World and Through All Of History) the book was using a complex allegory for a very specific situation (Selling Your Soul and Name and Life To Creative-Industrial Machines), and that made it muddy.

(Insert Principal Skinner meme here “Am I out of touch? Was I simply interrogating the text from the wrong perspective? No, it’s the original creators who are wrong!”)

I’m from a family of mentally ill, addiction-prone, recovering-Catholic artists. Laura is in my blood. Half the people I love are Laura. I have Laura’s painting on my wall and her books on my shelf. I’ve sat with Laura’s mother a few years after Laura’s death, as her father now slowly dying in the next room, and listened to her music for the first time. (It was good. It was really good. And I never even knew.)

These experiences colored my read, but how could they not?

I do now, I think, understand what Gillen was trying to say- the addiction he was talking about was to stardom, the attention and accolades, and free pass to make your own shit be everyone else’s problem. I understand now that the “art” that the gods made was always supposed to be Not Real Art, that there was no true “message” from their songs- all noise, no signal. It was never about Laura’s art, or even Laura as an artist. And that was unpleasant to reconcile.

Because when you're Laura, or Elanor, or any of them, life doesn’t have to grant your ill-advised wish before it fucks your head and kills you. Sometimes you fight as hard as you can with every fiber of your being and you’re still in Hell. Sometimes you’re doing all the Meetings and self-reflection and therapy you can manage and you’re still a Destroyer. But the shit you create while you’re down there is worthy of creating. What you do with your too-short, too-fucked time matters. A fucked up life was still worth living because it was your life to live. And... I guess, from the story presented in Faust Act and Fandemonium, I sort of thought that this was what WicDiv was supposed to be talking about. I thought it was going to be about doing something good even when life is fucking you. But instead it is a cautionary tale that that suggests you could have stopped getting fucked at any time if you had just gotten over yourself and said the magic words.

We spent half the comic watching Laura drag herself through the mud. Half the comic was focused on Her Mistakes, when so little of her circumstances were actually her fault. “Punish Ophelia until she gets over herself” is not at all what WicDiv meant to be about. I imagine the creators would be aghast to hear that’s what I got out of it. But the text is what the text is. While it is intended (and successful!) at being many other very good things, this one really bad thing is still part of that mix, and that sucks.

Maybe I should have picked up on the discrepancy between my read and the intent sooner. Probably I should have just done myself a favor and stop reading once I did.

2016, 2017 while my life was going a bit to shit, this comic was exactly what I needed. Being in the fandom made my life better and helped me meet cool new friends and get through some of the hardest shit to happen to me since I was a kid. Then in 2018, it slid into source of frustration and soured promise. Now at the end I have no idea if I liked it or not.

But that’s fine, now that it’s done. The ink is dry, the ritual is over. It’s just a comic book now. Some pictures I still love and some words I don’t always agree with. A lot of noise, arguable amounts of signal, but not a song I want to play on loop anymore.

I have no real conclusion to draw here. I respect at how firmly WicDiv rejects dark and unhealthy parts of being a professional creator- especially unhealthy things that are generally just accepted as Common Wisdom. I don’t think it took enough care in spelling out what it was rejecting, though, and I do think it was remiss in not finding good healthy things to embrace as an alternative.

All of the above notwithstanding, I have to give it credit for delivering almost exactly what I wanted in terms of lesbian nonsense. That ain’t nothing.

I give this series ?????/∞ and am happy to be safely clear of Kieron Gillen’s Wild Ride

#wicdiv #wicdiv spoilers #somewhat negative #its a mixed bag tbh

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yoon-kooks · 6 years ago

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Blossom🌸

Pairing: Stripper!Jimin x Reader

Genre: Stripper!AU, College!AU, Fluff

Summary: You infiltrate your local strip club to gather research and inspiration for your next painting and end up bringing home a stripper who also happens to be your cute neighbor.

Warnings: stripping, mentions of sex

Word Count: 3.3k

⤐ Story 1 in the Blossom!Universe; Read Blossom-pt.2 on my masterlist!

A/N: i know what yall are thinking!!! this is a stripper!au without smut??? but theres a good chance ill be writing more drabbles in this universe so look out for those!🌸

“Cute.” Your studio arts professor hands you back your print sample of a swimming platypus.

“…Is it not good?” You examine the print again to see where you went wrong. If anything, you thought this painting had turned out a lot better than the one of a goblin shark.

“Y/N, it’s amazing. It really is,” she tries to reassure you with a chuckle, but you know there’s something wrong with it. “It’s just… you’ve practically drawn the entire animal kingdom this semester.”

“…and?”

“Don’t you think you should try painting something else…? Like, I don’t know… a human?”

“But I’m more comfortable with animals.”

“That’s what I mean! You should try stepping out of your comfort zone? Plus, your portfolio will look better with more of a variety!”

“And how do you suppose I all of a sudden get inspiration for painting a human subject? I need something before the exhibition tomorrow.”

“I don’t know, try going to a strip club or something?” Your professor thinks she’s funny. “Just be creative!”

You lay on the floor of your dorm, desperately searching for inspiration. With animals and nature, it’s so easy for you to just sit down and paint whatever comes to mind. But with humans? You don’t even know where to start, and it certainly doesn’t help your concentration when a puppy is barking on the other side of the wall like it’s begging for you to draw it.

And in addition to the barking, you’re also being harassed by the constant replaying of your professor’s advice. Sure, you’d like to paint something that your professor and peers will approve of, but that becomes awfully difficult when what they want is not what you want. You just wish you could paint another animal and be done. But now even that’s impossible when all you can think about is trying to make everyone else satisfied.

“Shit.” You drag yourself off the floor, thrown on a fuzzy sweater, and walk out of your dorm with a sketchbook and pencil.

To your surprise, sneaking into a strip club undetected is a lot easier than one would think. And once you’re in, you squeeze your way through the crowd, inspecting the flashy lights, the booming stereos, and the big stage until you spot a table for one in a secluded corner. Perfect. No one will bother you there.

When the main show starts, the first thing you do is flip open your sketchbook with your pencil ready to draw. The second thing you do, however, is yawn. You aren’t sure what people enjoy about strangers prancing around naked on stage, but it could just be an acquired taste. Although the strippers are attractive and they have beautiful bodies, you’re just not interested nor inspired. Maybe it’s your artist block acting up, but it seems you’ve wasted your time.

Before you can get up to leave the club, you’re alarmed by a sudden eruption of screams. Giving it one last chance, you glance up and see the spotlight on an incredibly handsome boy in all white, running his fingers through his dark hair. Still fully clothed, he dances, moves, spins on stage, and somehow it’s so different from the previous acts. So much that you forget where you are until he flips his jacket off his shoulders and tosses it aside as he continues to dance.

The way he graces the stage is elegant and almost angelic. You flip your sketchbook back open and wait for the demon to show itself. He makes his way down the catwalk to engage more with the crowd, and money’s already being thrown before his body’s even exposed. Once he loses his tank, however, the cheering gets twice as loud and the stage is showered with crumpled bills. But you don’t have time to worry about that.

For the first time that night, your pencil starts gliding across the page in your sketchbook. You roughly sketch out his body, his motions, his movements, his smirks. You’re too busy drawing to notice when he catches a glimpse of you as he kicks his pants off to reveal a very healthy ass, or when he teases several customers with his rolls and thrusts.

With several pages filled with new sketches, you hear the collective aww from the crowd, assuming that means the handsome boy is done for the night. The only one in the crowd who isn’t sad is you, because you finally collected all the research material you need to be inspired. And before you leave, you decide to flesh out the details of what you witnessed, in case the vivid images and inspiration escape you before returning home.

“Would you like a drink or a dance, Baby?” A stripper with pastel mint hair eyes you up and down, leaning against the table with his head cocked to the side. You’re shocked he even bothered approaching you when you didn’t tip at all. Unless that’s what he’s after.

“Uhh, no thanks, I was actually just on my way out,” you throw your sketchbook and pencil into your bag and get up to leave.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Sweetheart. Did you not enjoy your stay? Maybe I could change that.” The stripper continues to pester you, and you wonder if the smallest tip will help you escape.

“This one’s with me, Sugar.” An unknown voice appears behind you as the stripper named Sugar shrugs and walks over to another customer waving their money around.

With a sigh of relief, you turn around, only to have your heart racing again in an instant. It’s the handsome boy you had sketched. Only instead of wearing an all-white costume, he’s now engulfed in an oversized black hoodie. You assume he’s off duty, so you aren’t sure why he’s approaching you like the other stripper had.

“Are you the freeloader everyone’s talking about?” he asks you.

“I suppose I am…” You look around and realize you’re probably the only broke college kid at the club, hence the only one who can’t afford to throw money around for lap dances.

“Can you at least show me your sketches?”

“What.”

“I saw you drawing something in your sketchbook during my performance earlier,” he does a cute little drawing gesture with his hand. “If you aren’t going to tip anything, the least you can do is show me what you drew.”

You suppose he’s right. Besides, you really do appreciate it when people take interest in your art, so you hand him your sacred sketchbook and watch as his expression changes from curious to awe.

“Are you an art student?” he asks while flipping through the quick sketches of his body.

“Yeah, I was just gathering research for a painting I need to do for tomorrow’s exhibition.”

“Oh? And I’m your muse?” He hands you back your sketchbook and catches a glimpse of your name written in the corner of the cover. “Y/N?”

You nod, getting your pencil ready to jot something down.” And may I ask what my muse’s name is?”

“It’s Jimin, part-time stripper, full-time dance student.”

“Wait, you’re a student, too?” You know you shouldn’t be surprised because the boy does look around your age, but still. You didn’t realize strippers had time for school obligations on top of work. “Which school?”

“Seoul Institute of the Arts.” No. That can’t be. There’s no way this handsome stripper goes to the same school as you. “Why do you look so shocked…?”

“I go there, too…” You shrink your body as if that’ll help you hide. You’re suddenly feeling super shy. “But you don’t happen to live in the dorms, do you…?”

“I do… Do you…?”

You nod.

“So what you’re trying to say is, we’re neighbors?” Jimin says as he stands outside his dorm, room 324, and you stand outside of yours, 325.

“I guess-” You’re cut off by a cute bark. “That’s your puppy making all the noise then?”

“Uh, yeah… I got her a week ago after saving up enough from work,” he opens the door and a tiny white fluff ball stretches its body in the door way before trotting over to greet you. You squat down to say hi to the little puppy who gives you her paw. “But anyway, the whole stripper thing needs to stay between you and me, yeah?”

Of course you have no intentions of letting people know you infiltrated a strip club anyway, so that means you also can’t be telling them your neighbor is a secret stripper. But Jimin doesn’t know that, and you’re going to use that to your advantage. “Okay, yeah, I won’t tell anyone… as long as you agree to be my model for the rest of the night.” You open your door and gesture for him to come in.

Jimin scoops up the feisty puppy and tucks it comfortably under his arm. “I thought I already was your model?”

“All you have to do is pose for me for a few hours,” you say, leading the stripper into your dorm-turned studio.

“Naked?”

“Shirtless is fine.” Anything more than that would be far too much for your eyes. You pretend not to peek as he promptly removes his hoodie and t-shirt to reveal a picture-perfect torso and something you didn’t catch as the club. You tilt your head to get a better look at the word inked to his ribs. Blossom. “Is that the name a stripper girl you’re in love with?”

“For your information, Blossom is the name of that little one over there,” he points over to where his puppy is trying to dig a hole into your pillow before brushing his fingers over his tattoo. “But, it’s also just a reminder to myself.”

You nod, “Ooh, fascinating…” Once all of your art supplies are set up on your cluttered desk, you glance up at the clock on the wall. Midnight already. “I’ll keep that in mind for my painting.”

The boy has a lot of good poses, some suggestive, others charming. One second he’ll be licking his lips with his hands at his belt, and the next he’s laying on your bed while running his fingers through his hair. Oh, and he also has this really cute smile when he’s watching you be so immersed in your art.

Once you decide on a pose to paint (the one on his back with the fingers running through his hair!), you hop off your chair and walk over to the half-naked boy on your bed. He blinks up at you with either innocent eyes or inviting eyes—you aren’t really good at telling the difference. You don’t know what he was expecting, but his face looks awfully surprised when you extend your phone for him to take.

“Can you take a pic of yourself in That™ position?” You do the fingers-running-through-hair thing.

“You don’t want to take the picture yourself?”

You shake your head.

“You don’t want to get on top of me and see with your own eyes?”

You shake your head again. He chuckles as he sits up, doing the fingers-running-through-hair thing a couple of times. Must be a habit. You didn’t notice the fifty other times he did the hair thing, but this time you’re made aware of his cherry blossom cologne, its alluring scent trying to pull you closer. But you know to keep a distance.

“You’re no fun to flirt with, you know that?” It almost looks like he pouts before finally taking your phone and tossing himself back against your mattress.

“I’m a lot flirtier when I don’t have a project due in less than ten hours.”

“Really?”

“No.” Your answer makes him frown, but he takes the selfies you asked for anyway.

You watch your bed sheets wrinkle with every sensual movement of the boy’s body as he finds the best angle for your research photos. Not only does he adjust the positioning of his head and arm, but also his squirmy lower half with his waist where his underwear is peeking out and his legs unable to keep still. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was frustrated, needy, and a tad bit horny.

As you wait for him to finish, you start mapping out your painting with a rough outline. You lightly sketch Jimin down to his waist and surround him with-

“Done~” the boy yawns, handing you back your phone. Eager, you swipe through the 37 photos taken by Park Jimin, all of which have an overwhelming amount of sex appeal. You don’t know how you’re going to narrow it down, though you suppose the one he set as your lockscreen is the best in his humble opinion. And it has a perfect view of his tattoo.

You feel Jimin’s eyes on you as you painting. The sensation of being observed is oddly comforting rather than pressuring, and maybe it’s because you know it’s not with judging eyes. From your bed, he follows your paintbrush’s every stroke against the canvas as you fill it in with a splash of color, bringing your subject into bloom.

“What made you choose me specifically to be your model?” the boy asks as you’re defining his abs.

You pause your painting for a moment to think about his question. “I don’t usually use people as subjects for my art, but my professor suggested that I step out of my comfort zone.”

“So you went to a strip club and surrounded yourself with naked people?”

“Exactly,” you nod and continue, “I took a chance, went to a strip club for the first and last time in my life, and met a boy. And out of all the humans in the world, he was the first to lend me inspiration.”

“I can’t believe you found inspiration in someone who sells their body for money,” Jimin chuckles but his words bother you.

“I know I’m literally painting your abs right now, but believe me when I say I took more inspiration from you than just from your body.”

“Well I’m glad,” he says, rubbing his toned belly. You’re still not convinced.

“Do you not like being a stripper?”

“I don’t hate it, and the performer in me really does enjoy being on stage. Plus, it pays for my puppy,” Jimin sighs because he knows you’re not going to let it go until you get a proper answer. “But there’s always this feeling of being trapped in a bud of expectation and insecurity. As long as I’m a stripper, my body will always outshine my dancing. And yet, I can’t bring myself to quit, in fear of not being a good enough dancer for anything else.”

You can only nod because you don’t know how to offer support. The boy sounds a lot less confident now than how you remember him dancing on stage. But you get it. Taking that first step out of your comfort zone is as scary as that painting you did of the goblin shark. But that’s the only way you’ll ever blossom.

After several hours of endless painting and the occasional puppy whining in her sleep, you rise like a zombie from your desk to show your muse the final product of your blood, sweat, and tears. But of course he’s already fast asleep on your bed with his puppy at ass o’clock.

Not wanting to disturb the two cuties, you carefully pull the covers over them, make a nice bed for yourself on the carpet with three spare blankets, and turn out the lights.

When you wake up, however, you smell cherry blossoms and feel something warm pressed up against your back. Thankfully, what you find when you roll over on the bed is not a sleeping Jimin, but instead a puppy licking her butt. As soon as she realizes her privacy’s been violated, she wags her tail and does some morning stretches.

You flip the covers and bed sheets over in search of a half-naked boy, but he’s not there. Instead, you see him all bundled up in his black hoodie and the three blankets you’d been using on the floor. Somehow the two of you mysteriously swapped places. You can only assume he woke up in the middle of the night and tucked you into bed. Because coincidences like that don’t just happen.

Relieved from everything, you take time to play with the puppy on your bed for a bit before you have to get ready and leave for the exhibition. The little one explores the dark depths beneath your bed sheet, her cold wet nose sniffing everything including your exposed legs, until her fluffy head finally pops back out with a tiny bark.

You’re startled by half-asleep mumbles and rustling blankets. Jimin sits up as his hood falls down to reveal a wicked bedhead. He tousles his hair around and you can’t decide whether it looks messy or really fucking hot—like he just had a quickie. “Did you finish your painting?” He blinks at you.

“Oh right.” You stop yourself from any sort of fantasizing and hop off the bed to grab the colorful canvas from your desk. Once it’s in the hands of the boy at the center of the painting, you plop down next to him on the blankets and wait for his response.

Before saying a word, Jimin’s eyes examine every inch of the canvas. From the pastel palette, to the boy’s fingers-running-through-hair pose, to the pink bed of flowers beneath him and petals around him, to the bold tattoo on his ribs.

“Are you calling me a flower boy?” He’s unable to hold back a smile creeping up.

“You’re the one with the tattoo,” you say, softly poking the boy’s ribs through his hoodie. “So you tell me.”

He shakes his head, “I still have a long way to go before I, you know, blossom…” You find it adorable how he cringes and shrinks his body at his own word. “But until then, I’ve found another flower to inspire me.” He’s totally talking about you.

“You mean your puppy?” you tease him, picking up the curious white pupper and tapping her wet nose against the boy’s cheek. He plants a soft kiss on her little head before taking her into his lap where she quickly curls up in a ball.

“Yeah her,” Jimin continues to stroke his baby’s fur as her eyelids grow heavier. It isn’t long before the precious bean is fast asleep, and your heart melts a little.

“I was pleasantly surprised to wake up back in my bed with her all cozied up next to me,” you reach over to pet the puppy even though it’s right at the boy’s crotch. “You didn’t have to do that, you know… But I appreciate it, Jimin.”

“No problem, Little One,” he gives you a cute duck face. “I’d want to make sure I have your permission before we sleep together anyway.”

You suppose that’s his way of asking for sex, but you really can’t take a hint. So you ignore him. “Do you want to come to the exhibition with me?”

A little disappointed that you ignored his invitation, Jimin sulks and grabs his duffle bag as he walks towards the bathroom, “Fine, but let me change into clean clothes first.”

“You’re fine with stripping down at a crowded club, but not in front of me?” you ask, not because you want to see it again, but because it’s ironic.

After pausing mid-step, he spins around and stands right before you, his beautiful dark eyes meeting yours. And rather than running his fingers through his own hair for the fiftieth time, he runs them through yours for the first. “Maybe I’m not a stripper when I’m with you.”

“Then what are you? A vampire?” you look up at him with a teasing grin.

“You’re impossible, you know that?” The boy shakes his head and does a cute little eye roll to pretend like he’s annoyed as he walks off to the bathroom. And when he comes back in a very casual boyfriend look, the two of you head over to the exhibition on campus with the painting tucked under your arm.

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #jimin x reader #bts fluff #bts college au #bts imagines #jimin fanfic #jimin #bts #bangtan #blossom

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nemetonisevilpassiton · 5 years ago

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Where we’re going we won’t need Eyes to see - a teen wolf meta

With Teen Wolf meta we have this tendency to name check Event Horizon (1997) and run off without explaining it - especially in regards to the episode “Ghosted” where they were in Canaan which uses a lot of the same techniques and tropes. But before I explain how Teen Wolf got there we have to explain Event Horizon.

A friend of mine once called Event Horizon the greatest horror movie almost made, and that sums it up nicely.

Following the success of Mortal Kombat [1995 starring Linden Ashby] the studio gave give the director Paul WS Anderson [the Resident Evil guy] a budget of 60 million dollars, the large soundstage at Pinewood and Carte Blanche to deliver an R rated horror. The film he delivered was 121 minutes long and X-rated. It was externally editted down to 91 minutes or 96 minutes depending on region and legend has it that most of the narrative exposition went out of the airlock. As gory as it is - and it IS - it was much much worse and it’s entirely possible that this studio inflicted hatchet job is the reason Event Horizon has the cult following that it does.

Anderson did not waste a dollar of the money he was given, everyone in the film is a noted character actor and most of the dialogue makes them feel real [with the exception of one distinct line which is just hilariously bad]. The ship was a set [there is minimal cg and it’s bad as you’d expect for 1997 but it’s things like a floating water bottle] based on actual gothic architecture specifically notre dame. The crew of the Lewis and Clark [the rescue ship] is seven people because they were meant to represent the seven sins - maybe in the longer version they did. The “stranger” in their midst is Doctor Weir, who following the suicide of his wife whilst he built the Event Horizon, became obsessed with the ship is the one who wants to bring it “home”. The shot of the rotating space station where Weir is based was a miniature. As most of the effects were practical, as opposed to CG, they stand up to modern scrutiny.

The film was a critical and commercial bust, but over the years since it’s release it’s been insanely influential on the field of Sci Fi being responsible for IPs such as Warhammer 40k, Deadspace and even the Alien franchise [which Anderson dipped his toe in with Alien vs Predator] and is considered one of the greatest Lovecraftian horrors ever made.

Event Horizon is not a great movie, it’s…. I’m one of the people who adore it, as scary movies go it never fails to make my skin crawl but let’s get into the plot.

The Event Horizon was an attempt at FTL travel, instead of going really fast it punched a hole through the universe creating a worm hole that would allow the ship to exit somewhere else with a device called “the gravity drive”. On its test flight it vanished. Seven years later it reappears where it should have with no crew and only a mild distress signal. Weir (Sam Neill), the original creator takes the crew of the Lewis and Clark, a rescue ship captained by Miller (Lawrence Fishburne), to bring it back.

On finding the ship the youngest member of the crew, Mr Justin (Jack Noseworthy), goes into the drive room in full EVA and is dragged into the black liquid at its heart. He is rescued by Cooper (Richard Jones), but when they confront Weir he denies it’s possible despite that they could not have known what to describe. Justin is comatose. They find a recording of screams which has a latin phrase which DJ (Jason Isaacs) translates as save me. The med tech Peters (Kathleen Quinlan) starts to see visions of her son covered in sores. Weir starts to see his dead wife as she was when he found her but with empty eye sockets. The ship starts to pull at their sanity damaging the Lewis and Clark, Smith (Sean Pertwee) refuses to leave the Lewis and Clark and in the middle of that Justin gets up and puts himself in the airlock, setting it to open.

All of the characters are shown to have a dark history but because of the editting we often don’t know what that is. We know Peters has left her terminally ill son because of her visions. Miller tells us about a crew member he had to leave to die in a burning ship. Weir has his guilt over his wife, but the rest was cut.

They find the ruins of the old crew with a tape showing them dismembering themselves and each other and it turns out the translation wasn’t save me but save yourself from hell. Fans have actually translated it more accurately as save yourself from the fire.

Miller comes to the conclusion the best thing to do is go home and blow the ship from orbit but Weir refuses to go. He takes one of the explosives from the nave hallway and blows up the Lewis and Clark and Smith, this sends Cooper into space [where he has the worst line in cinema, seriously https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUozFOlxVnM] and Miller and Starck [Joely Richardson] confront Weir on the bridge where he has ripped out his own eyes. DJ is found disembowelled over the medicine table. Distracted by Cooper’s return Weir fires a rivet gun at the ship’s window causing the decompression to suck him into space. Miller tries to use the explosives along the nave corridor to separate the ship from the gravity drive which he considers the source of his evil but he is separated from his crew by a burning man who turns into Weir. They fight, the corridor explodes and Miller is sucked into the black hole.

There is a gotcha ending where Starck sees one of their rescuers as Weir but wakes up screaming before the very ominous door closing.

So what happens? what is the one sentence synopsis?

See that’s where Event Horizon sort of wins. On its surface the ship went to hell and became alive and is now luring people in and trying to drag them into Hell. Except even within the movie that explanation doesn’t make sense. The characters talk about the lack of good air, that they are running out of air and it turns them on each other to an extent so did anoxia cause the hallucinations combined with the very gothic imagery to create a mass hysteria? Is it a pseudo Catholic vision of Hell where the characters unable to deal with their own guilt at ultimately tortured? Maybe? Was it all of the above? I don’t know. Other people have amazing explanations of what happened and here’s the reason why Event Horizon freaks some people out and others are meh, it’s not that easy.

It has holes and contradictions and huge chunks obviously missing. It has a narrow focus and it never lies to the audience, it misleads them by assumption but it’s consistent. Weir is the hook character we expect to be the hero, he is the outsider amidst the crew of the Lewis and Clark, he is the one with the answers and the refusal to see alternative answers. He has the most fleshed out back story but he turns into the human manifestation of whatever is going on with the ship yet he is the one who becomes the face of the villain. The ghost apparitions are genuinely disturbing. The quality of the acting could carry a much weaker script. The effects are excellent and the gore is astounding, and best shown briefly [although production stills are available if it was too quick for you]. The Lovecraftian questions are presented and NOT answered. They are isolated in a place where they are in constant danger and the hallucinations mean even their thoughts are unsafe.

Did the ship go to hell? Or was it an explanation Weir made up when he broke? Or is this a purgatorial nightmare where Weir is sent out to fetch more victims for the ship? Is he repeating this ad infinitum with this crew or is it a new crew every time? Is the she Weir speaks of the ship or the manifestation of his wife, Clare?

The film doesn’t answer any of these questions. They are all valid ways to see the movie. And based on Anderson’s filmography the reason that these all DO work is because the film was butchered like one of the ship’s crew.

Recently they found a copy of the uncut film in a salt mine in Transylvania so maybe we’ll see it.

But people who take it on surface value that the ship went to hell and is now evil wooo, generally just dismiss it as poor. It is clearly a mishmash of things Anderson thought was cool instead of deep, sets are so Alien inspired that the xenomorph could pop out of any of the lockers and no one would be surprised. The ship’s set is so gothic Dracula could be drinking tea in the med bay and it would make perfect sense. Yet it somehow, probably despite itself, works.

So back to Teen Wolf.

Event Horizon clearly had its shadows over the production and it’s in the ambiguity more than the cinematography [which owes its debts to Silent Hill]. What Event Horizon managed by accident [Anderson couldn’t have pulled it off deliberately] Teen Wolf tries.

Every character in Teen Wolf, no matter how minor, has a backstory but it is not one we are necessarily given. They have their own stories which intersect with the story we are being told. If we look at the chimera, for example, we saw Tracy’s complicated relationship with her father, we saw Lucas and his boyfriend, Corey, and Corey before we knew he was a chimera told us about Lucas. Caitlyn’s girlfriend Emily was taken by the Darach but she was nervous about her first time having sex so Caitlyn tried to make it special for her. This makes the characterisation rich and this one of the complaints about the show. We learn as much about someone who gets murdered five minutes later as we do about the show’s mains. Beacon Hills feels real because the people in it feel real.

Teen Wolf offers a surface answer which does not hold up to scrutiny - at all -ever and which is often ridiculous. @Sublimeglass refers to this as the show vs tell, Teen Wolf tells us one story and shows us quite another. Solutions to problems are often best guesses with the information that they have and are often contradicted seasons later as characters learn more.

The main character is presumed to be the hero but by the end is very clearly the agent of whatever it is that is going on that wants conflict - however defining that very clear presence in Teen Wolf is like getting rid of glitter, you know it’s there but you’re never going to get it out of the carpet.There is clearly an evil presence, and it is clearly in the water, specifically the lake beside Lydia’s lake house [which Lorraine set up a mountain ash barrier to protect her from] but the character’s don’t know it’s there. I am not saying that Scott is evil or villainous in this - that’s a very different meta - but instead that he is continuing the war that existed before him. He is recruiting a character like him to carry on the story. He is repeating the cycle like Weir sacrificing another crew to the ship.

One of the arguments with EH is that the ship is freeing them from “the fire” which is light and energy, which is complicated, basically that our universe with its physical reactions is Hell, and that by removing the flesh [I did mention Hellraiser was a huge influence, right, and the video game Doom 3] you could be “free”, and there is a similar idea in Teen Wolf where characters try to escape the detriments of flesh - Gerard looking for a cure for his cancer, the dread doctors extending their life, the attempts to build a better beast for their own immortality, the leonmensch trying to capture the Wild Hunt.

Yet if you reduce Event Horizon to “the ship went to hell and is now evil” the two do not match but both are phantasmagorical.

Phantasmagoria is where one or more reality might not be real but is instead a dream/hallucination that is indistinguishable from reality, and thus brings the “reality” in question.

In Event Horizon this is several dream sequences, Weir and Starck both have nightmares whilst in stasis. This means when Clare starts appearing to Weir and the child appears to Peters we are primed to know they are not real and this knowledge means we’re primed for a scare even when the subject is not scary, such as Peter’s visions of her sick son.

In Teen Wolf we have several sequences that are not “real”: Scott’s visions of the school bus attack; Stiles’ visions of the bandaged figure; Scott’s dreams of killing Liam with the mute. Then we have sequences where reality is much more loosely defined in Motel California - where the characters hallucinate - and Ghosted which is the most obvious point for the Event Horizon characters.

We also have flashbacks which are subject to the “Rashomon effect” where several variations of the same narrative are shown and the whole is unreliable [the Fox and the Wolf, Blitzkreig and Visionary] What we are shown in Teen Wolf is only slightly more reliable than what we are told, and the telling is from Scott’s point of view - although it is unclear if it is only the last episode, the last season half or the whole show which is narrated. Personally I think it’s the whole. Either way Scott is an unreliable narrator. We cannot trust the narrative as it is presented even if it didn’t openly contradict itself.

The Lovecraftian parallels have to be mentioned even if when it comes to writing Teen Wolf meta I find him popping up like a particularly obnoxious infestation. Combined with that is the heavy influence of Hellraiser [3 metas later I am quite confident that Hellraiser was involved] and the whole is unsettling if not disturbing or scary.

The visual language of Event Horizon is medieval gothic, with columns, long empty corridors, flourishes and twists and the ship itself is a cross based on Notre Dame. In Teen Wolf colours have meaning, characters have symbolic associations [although unlike the intent for Event Horizon they do not represent anything as overt as the seven sins. They reveal the characters but not general themes.] Each of the first five seasons has a symbol which is represented by Godai, Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Void [if six has one I haven’t cracked it yet but it is probably the ethereal or the other] and the cinematography is certainly as deliberate.

I can’t just end this meta because it’s one of those as soon as you see the movie you can see the parallels because they’re pretty much laid out on a plate but the two are so different that unless you sit down and think about it you’d never consider it.

I can’t say that Beacon Hills is a phantasmagorical town that exists outside space and is poisoned by its proximity to Hell - but I can’t say it’s not either because of the ambiguity and contradiction. I can’t say Weir is a victim driven mad by his own guilt or the ship possessed him because of the same contradictions.

Event Horizon managed what it did despite itself. Teen Wolf might have done the same.

#teen wolf meta #anti scott mccall #event horizon parallels

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travllingbunny · 5 years ago

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The 100 6x04 The Face Behind the Glass

It’s an understatement to say that I’m late with this review, simply for having had no time to write it before, but here am I, trying to post it at the last moment, before the next episode airs tonight (or is it already airing in US? I will only be able to watch it tomorrow). In the meantime, the fandom has discussed a bunch of different theories, made all sorts of speculations, and I’ve participated in that, a lot.

I didn’t expect this episode to have quite this effect on me and many other fans who have guessed the big twist of this episode way ahead. But while it didn’t come as a surprise, it still hit hard, because the episode was, for the most part, well done, with important character moments for our protagonists, combined with further world-building and fleshing out of the new characters and communities..

And even though I always expected the „peaceful“ society from Sanctum to villains, but this show has achieved something I never expected: introducing villains who match or are, arguably, be even more evil than the leadership of Mount Weather.

I won’t discuss various theories, but I will mention what my favorite theories are, and touch on what I think may happen and what storylines I think could come out of this.

While it is perfectly understandable that the characters still haven’t realized it – because they don’t have the information we have as viewers, and don’t think of everything in terms of storytelling – as a viewer, it wasn’t difficult to guess from the start that something was very wrong with this „peaceful“ society, especially since everything was just too happy, shiny and too good to be true. This episode played on that in particular: there was a ceremony where Russell said all the right things about making peace with your loved ones, and making amends for the wrongs you’ve done – apparently, a traditional custom in Sanctum. (The level of hypocrisy is really high.) Russell himself apologize to Kaylee for closing the Sanctum door on her and her family when they found themselves on the outside and he had to protect the entire community. (This story must have resonated with some people in the audience, Bellamy in particular. Maybe it would have with Raven, too, but she wasn’t there.) The people in Sanctum were all happy and smiling. Each one of our adult protagonists who does not already have a romantic partner either met a potential love interest, or had fun with a sex interest, or both. There was a party in a club, with music and dancing. And most alarmingly, delicious cookies were served – which brings back memories of the chocolate cake in Mount Weather.

Now, to make it clear, the Sanctum people are not a rehash of Mount Weather. They are very different from the Mountain Men, and in fact, they also have some of the worst characteristics of the Grounder culture – very hierarchical structure and religious worship of people with „special“ (black) blood who have computer chips with stored minds in their heads - only in a much more disturbing way. Whatever one may think of the Flame, it works very differently from these mind drives, and was created for a very different reason: the host retains agency, personality and full control over their body, and the dead people’s „spirits“ are there to help and guide the host with their knowledge and experience. (At least that’s the idea – how helpful it seems to have been to Grounders, is debatable.) These mind drives, however, were apparently modified so that they can store an entire consciousness, which then overtakes the hosts’ body completely. Essentially, it’s body-snatching – it helps the Primes extend their natural lifespans indefinitely, at the expense of the „disposable“ people – and in their minds, everyone is disposable, except them.

And this is what the Primes have in common with the Mountain Men. Mountain Men were horribly evil. They thought they were superior and entitled to live at the expense of everyone else, to put people in cages, drain/drill, kill them horrifically, throw them away like garbage, turn them into slave monsters they’ll use against their people It was an incredibly evil society. And yet the Primes manage are arguably even more selfish and awful. At least the Mountain Men were doing it for their community, and had the excuse that they had all grown up and been raised to be like that, learning it from their parents,

The Primes, on the other hand, are those same people who started it all, 236 years ago. They’re the ones who have been stealing other people’s bodies to make themselves and their family members live forever, and who have brainwashed their entire community to worship them as gods and be OK with it.They have been stealing bodies to make themselves live forever. And they’ve brainwashed their entire community to be OK with it, worship them as deities and give them people willingly as sacrifice. While most of the Mount Weather community was complicit, actively or passively, in the crimes because it benefited them, the Sanctum community has been brainwashed to support and be complicit in the crimes that benefit no one other than the Primes. If they were to rise against the Primes, the Primes would have no chance. They don’t have the enormous technologically advanced weaponry of Mount Weather, they don’t even have too many guards to keep order – they instead function as a cult and keep everybody down through religion and belief.

In the end, maybe they are similarly horrible, but different types of evil. The allusions to Nazism were pretty obvious in season 2, from the way the Mountain Men would drain or drill people and then throw their bodies like garbage, to the guards going through people’s living quarters and murdering all the „traitors“ who were hiding the Delinquents to save their lives (though, to be fair to the Mountain Men, at least they had a legitimate motivation – needing to survive – while the actual Nazis were just a bunch of racist, ableist idiots). On the other hand, season 6 has had many more religious references. Gods, devils, Lucifer („light-bringer“ – Lightbourne), Gabriel, Gospel of Josephine (the name of the next episode), The magical number 12 (plus the rogue/special 13) appears again. We had the ill-fated 13th station, Sky people/Arkers as the 13th Clan, and now Dr Gabriel Santiago aka „the Old Man“ (he hasn’t explicitly been identified, but does anyone doubt it is him?) as the 13th Prime. In the eyes of the people in Sanctum, Russell and the other Primes are 12 gods, and Gabriel is a demon – like Lucifer, the fallen angel who was banished from the paradise. To us, however, it is the Primes who seem like the devils.

It’s as if we are going back in time to meet the same people who were a part of the elite that destroyed the world 229 years before. These people did not participate directly in the destruction of the Earth, but were closely connected to those who did. These guys aren’t the descendants, but the same people we saw in the flashback at the start of 6x02 Red Sun Rising. But the things that didn’t seem as sinister then seem so much more disturbing when you pay attention and look back on it with what we know now. At first, I didn’t even notice that Josephine was a sociopath - but what else would you call someone who test possibly poisonous plants on children and then laughs about it. Russell is a megalomaniac, as his wife noted. The eclipse psychosis brings out, in the most disturbing and exaggerated manner, what is already there inside the person, and for Russell, it was megalomania and desire to be in control: „Sanctum is mine!“ is what he was shouting as he went and killed almost everyone in the mission.

From the info we have gotten so far, the Primes that Sanctum worships are the 12 out of 13 people who were members of the original Eligius 3 colonizing mission, most of whom ended up killed by Russell. Apart from Gabriel, there were four families: Russell, Simone and Josephine Lightbourne (Russell was the astronomer and team leader, Josephine a taxonomist); Priya and her teenage son Ryker; Kaylee’s family – which consisted of mom, dad, and two children - son and daughter; and Miranda’s family – presumably Miranda, her husband and daughter. Out of these, we have seen 10, and 3 got killed by Diyoza and Madi while hijacking the ship, so 7 are still alive in host bodies. Russell said that Josephine was 3rd on the waiting list for a new host – the first two must be Miranda’s daughter (who was supposed to be put in Rose’s body) and husband. She is not going to be happy if/when she finds out Russell and Simone broke their rules and skipped the line for their daughter. There will probably be conflict within the Primes themselves.

But even though these characters and their histories are interesting, out actual protagonists interest me much more.

Unlike the Primes, the Children of Gabriel are actually morally grey. Compared to the Primes, they are definitely the good guys, and their goal to bring them down is definitely good – but they have a bit of ’end justifies the means“ going on, and the execution leaves a lot to be desires. (More on that later.) If they believe that the hosts are really dead once the Prime bodysnatches them, their willingness to kill hosts before they are bodysnatched is more understandable. Or maybe they are just prioritizing the death of the Primes over saving individual hosts. But the majority of their guerrilla fighters in the woods are a bit too into killing – in particular, the woman that got killed by Octavia seemed to love killing as much as Octavia does. The exception is Xavier, who seems to be a major new character this season, who is trying to hold on to a moral code of avoiding murder. He even deliberately let Octavia „get away“ so his people wouldn’t murder her, even though she killed several of the CoG (although I’m not sure that, if you want to minimize murder, letting Octavia in her current psychological be free is a good idea). She doesn’t seem to have understood that, since she is currently swearing to kill Xavier. Gratitude problem, indeed. If that’s really what she wants to do.

I’m curious to find out more about the role of the bodyguard (?) and the future hosts. Who were Rose’s parents? Why was Jade the only one who seemed to take care of her? Did she care for her as Rose, or as a future host for a Prime?

Octavia has been getting moments this season that parallel her brother’s in season 1 – first she stowed away on the dropship, and now she bonded with and tried to protect a child, showing her more humane side that’s still there, hidden beneath all the violence, and giving her the same „fear is a demon“ advice that she and Bellamy both heard from their mother. And she lost Rose, just like Bellamy lost Charlotte.

It will be interesting to see the team-up of two two „snakes“, „devils“ from season 5, as they are both good at fighting and killing, but are such a contrast to each other – Octavia, impulsive, broken, and emotional disturbed, and Diyoza, rational, good at strategy, cool and snarky, and heavily pregnant. As Diyoza said, snarkily quoting Casablanca: „This is a start of a beautiful friendship“

Ironically, Diyoza thinks they can become heroes of the new planet by killing the Children of Gabriel – not realizing yet who the real villains are. But they should eventually learn the truth. For that to happen, however, Octavia first has to learn not to attack first. If she achieves something good and important by listening to people and saving people instead of going for the kill, that will show a real character development and positive change.

A character who fleshed out a lot this episode is Jordan. His romance with Delilah was fast and simple, but still cute – he is emotionally a teenager, living his first love, and she had the chance to live her last one, before handing over her life to someone else. But is also was a chance to see Jordan opening up to someone about what his life had been like on the ship. Before this, Jordan only seemed like a sweet and optimistic, smiling guy, but now we’ve seen his sadness and longing and his feelings of guilt, too. His description of his life on the ship was the best piece of dialogue in the episode. Monty and Harper may have gotten their happy ending, but they also sacrificed a lot – by removing themselves from the lives of their friends, and by putting their adult son back in cryo – and Monty eventually had to live all alone for quite some time, after Harper’s death. But they also put their son in a difficult position – of growing up with no one except his parents, without any people his age, or any other people in general – only seeing them as „faces behind the glass“, friends he could never have, a life that he couldn’t lead. Of course he wanted to be cryo frozen so he could once have that life, and of course his parents let him – because it would have been monstruous if they had been selfish and decided to prioritize their needs to have their son in their lives over his chance at life. And it’s sad that Jordan feels guilty for going into cryo-sleep, leaving his parents and becoming a „face behind the glass“ for them – someone they could only long for and never have again. But it shows his empathy and compassionate nature that his parents’ feelings are still so much on his mind and that he feels guilty for making them prioritize their child’s needs over theirs, even though that’s a normal thing for a parent to do.

Clarke spent a lot of the episode trying to apologize and make amends to her friends– and those interactions had to happen at this point, before Clarke gets bodysnatched. Each of her last (as in, latest) interactions with her loved ones – her words to Madi, where she accepted her role as a Commander but also told her she may remove the Flame and be a regular kid if she decides to; her apology to Raven, which Raven did not accept, but instead was very harsh with her, and the message Clarke gave her from Shaw, that she deserves to be happy; and her tender moment with Bellamy, where she apologized and told him how much he means to her, and her apology was fully accepted – is going to get so much more weight in these people’s minds after they find out what happened to her.

The scene between Clarke and Raven was a bit frustrating. I’m sure that the reason why we’ve had so many scenes of various people bashing Clarke is exactly because of what happens at the end of this episode. And don’t get me wrong: Raven and others (Murphy, Emori…) have very good reasons to feel angry over Clarke’s betrayal in S5, which happened so recently from their POV. It makes sense that they’re angry over that, and they are not obliged to forgive Clarke immediately. I was all for them hashing things out. However, the way they’ve done it and the things they’ve said is… weird. Because both Murphy and Raven keep talking as if Clarke has been doing awful things to them and betraying them for years, and that’s definitely not the case, quite the opposite – she was a hero and did things to save them a lot of times, and while she had to go to lengths to do it and kill people to save those she cares about, they’ve also done the same and participated in some of those same things, if they were not those that needed to be saved. The last time they saw Clarke before they went to space, she made it possible for them to go to space in the first place, and was left behind to be all alone for 6 years, except for a child. It’s like the two of them have retconed the events of seasons 1-4 in some weird way. When Raven says that Clarke says sorry and then does HORRIBLE things AGAIN, I’m like… what horrible things? Clarke deciding to go save Raven instead of staying in the bunker, and ending up almost dying and all alone f(except for a child) for 6 years on a deserted planet? Clarke trying everything to save everyone from Praimfaya, including volunteering to be tested in the radiation chamber, risking a horrible painful death? Clarke making the list of 100 people to survive, after Raven told her she had to do it, bashing her at the same time (“I’m in charge of rationing, but deciding who lives or dies is your specialty”? ) Clarke going to the City of Light to save everyone? Clarke doing everything to save Raven from ALIE? Clarke saving Raven’s and everyone else is life from being horribly murdered by the Mountain Men? Clarke mercy killing Finn to spare him the torture - and do what is best for everyone? Yes, indeed Clarke had "impossible choices". Which Raven never took responsibility for - she always expected Clarke to make them. Even demanded. She asked for the list to be made and ordered Clarke to do it, but Clarke got blamed for it. Not to mention all the times that Raven participated in the same things Clarke did to defend themselves or saved their people- like torturing Lincoln, blowing up the bridge in S1, facilitating the Ring of Fire etc. She was bashing Clarke for not telling the full truth to the people in Arkadia about their low chances of survival in season 4 - when she could have told them the truth herself and didn’t. Raven stood and gave moralistic criticisms about the plan to test someone in the radiation chamber, but Clarke was the one who injected herself with Nightblood and volunteered to get tested. Not to mention all the times when Raven did have to make terrible and impossible choices, but she seems to forget about it. Like leaving Clarke behind to die. She was also ready to leave Bellamy, Monty, Murphy and Emori to die in the season 5 finale, and was hurrying Clarke to pull a lever and leave them. And then there are times when she did or try to do awful things just to protect someone she loved. Remember when she wanted to give Murphy to the Grounders to be tortured and horrifically murdered for something he didn’t do? Murphy did murder others and cripple her, but Finn was guilty of that crime - which was a murder of a bunch of civilians for no reason. But Raven never blamed Finn. Then she wanted Clarke to kill the Grounder Commander and start a war, and probably get killed, just to save Finn, a murderer. And punched Clarke and called her names when she didn’t do it.

And Raven’s comment that the only difference between Clarke and Octavia is that Octavia „doesn’t pretend to feel bad about it“ shows how little she understands both of them: Clarke is feeling deeply guilty and has even tried suicide during her eclipse psychosis. And the difference between Clarke and Octavia is not that Octavia is not pretending to feel bad about it, the difference is Octavia is pretending to not feel bad about it. She feels awful inside, because she wanted to die, but instead of saying sorry and trying to do better, like Clarke, Octavia can’t bring herself to admit mistakes but instead antagonizes everyone, tries to make people kill her, or kills people for little reason – because she doesn’t know how to deal with her gult and self-loathing in another way. It’s the worst possible way to deal with guilt.

My rewatch of the show has reminded me that this is not the first time Raven has been judgmental, self-righteous and hypocritical to Clarke, but the reason why it didn’t stick out so much before is because she had other interesting storylines. Could the writers give her something else to do? Being mean to Clarke for several episodes in a row and doing little else – except have a brief romance – is getting old.

Raven did get to meet a new character – Ryker, who seems on the surface to be another in the series of apparently perfect love interests for her. Now, I’m usually not the one to jump to conclusions that every single new character is someone’s love interest, but they seem to be setting Ryker up that way – especially with the fact that Clarke told Raven Shaw’s message that she deserves to be happy, in the same episode where she meets this new guy. It seems a bit early to give another romance for Raven so soon after Shaw’s death. However, I don’t think Raven/Ryker is going to work – because, likable as he may seem, he is a 250 year old Prime, who may have been a teenager when it all started, but now he’s lived several lives taking other people’s bodies. And I think he’ll have to die at the end of the season. But this is why I think Ryker being some kind of a love interest for Raven may actually give her a really good storyline. (See further below under Predictions/Speculation.)

Ryker doesn’t seem to be all that into the whole Prime thing – he was late to the ceremony even though it was his own mother, Priya, who was coming back in poor Delilah’s body. Jordan, Clarke and the others used to think the „Naming“ was just some ceremonial thing with giving people names after celebrated ancestors – but they are going to start realizing something is up now, after Jordan experienced his first romantic heartbreak, by seeing Delilah come back as a literally different person, with a much colder demeanor, someone who doesn’t even recognize him – but who went straight up to Ryker and hugged him as her son, even though he is in a body that’s older than hers. „My beautiful baby boy“. That was one weird AF mother-son reunion.

BTW, fandom conversations about race regarding the new Sanctum characters are going to be so confusing because of the bodysnatching. Some of the Primes (Russell, Josephine) are in bodies of hosts who are the same race as their originally were, but others are not (Simone, Priya/Delilah, Ryker, Kaylee…).

Clarke continued her apology tour with the most important conversation – with Bellamy. Leaving him in Polis for his sister to throw him into the fighting pit, is what Clarke personally regrets the most and considers her biggest sin, because of what he means to her. Even though he has been very supportive of her, unlike the others from the Spacekru, she still seemed afraid of how he is going to react and if he was going to accept her apology and her assurances that he is a part of her ’family“ still and incredibly important to her. This warm and vulnerable moment – including another obligatory Bellarke hug, intense and intimate as their hugs and touches always are- between the two of them needed to happen before they are separated again – and before someone else tries to take Clarke’s place and impersonate her. So far, they have been having important conversations and moments, rebuilding their relationship after the awful conflict and misunderstandings from season 5: they have addressed Clarke leaving Bellamy, they have addressed her radio calls, they have not directly addressed Bellamy’s betrayal – from Clarke’s POV – but she showed trust in him to take care of Madi in 6x03 and repaid it. But I’m sure that this is not the last time they talk about either of these things (and not just because we know from the trailer that there’s at least one other conversation coming up in S6 about the radio calls and leaving Bellamy in Polis). These things are ongoing plot points that are given a lot of weight – and the issues have not been fully cleared. Clarke still hasn’t addressed the fact that she didn’t just forget that Bellamy was also her „family“, she was angry and heartbroken when she felt that Bellamy betrayed her, and when she thought he had told her she wasn’t a part of his „family“ anymore. And Bellamy hasn’t told her that one of the main reasons he did it, and the main or most immediate reason that pushed him to poison Octavia, was to protect Clarke („another traitor you love“). But once they are able to talk about all of it, I’m sure this will lead to other admissions they are not ready for right now. In 6x01, Clarke was scared of talking about the radio calls and her feelings, and now it was Bellamy trying to avoid the conversation. At this point, Clarke seems to have made peace with the fact that she can’t hope for anything else from Bellamy but rebuilding of the relationship they used to have, because he’s with someone else and doesn’t feel that way about her (or so she thinks), while Bellamy seems unsure about many things and trying to figure them out, but is unable to face those issues right now.

We also got the confirmation that Bellamy finds it easier to forgive Clarke because he understood and related to her protectiveness of Madi, as he used to be the same with Octavia, his sister/pseudo-child. But his line „I know what it’s like to risk everything for one person“ may also be foreshadowing. And so is Clarke’s assurance that she will never forget that Bellamy is a part of her family.

After unburdening herself emotionally like that, Clarke tried to do something she very rarely does: relax and have a good time, including dressing up, dancing and flirting in the club with the random good-looking person (specifically, tall, dark dude with facial hair) she had known for very little time, and have a hot one-night stand, after spending 6 years in forced celibacy. (Which is, BTW, only the 5th time she’s had sex in her life, as far as we are aware.) I like the fact that the show doesn’t subscribe to the idea that sex must always mean love – sometimes it has insta-romances, but this is one of those times when it’s really not about love or special bond, just having fun and taking your mind off the misery that’s the rest of your life.

Now, while I liked the fact that Clarke got to just have a one-night stand that didn’t mean anything but a bit of fun, which wasn’t presented as her doing something bad, hat I like a lot less is what happened right after – when the one-night stand led to Clarke being paralyzed, kidnapped and bodysnatched. This feels too much like the trope of punishing people (women especially) for sex, even if that was not th idea.

The doc was a Child of Gabriel, so one of the good guys, so to speak – but oh boy, did he screw things up. Why wouldn’t he have told her the truth (do CoG not understand that normal people are not like the brainwashed Sanctum residents and would freak out and turn against the Primes if they knew they were going to be bodysnatched?), instead of deceiving her, and then trying to explain when it was too late, then paralyzing her and trying to kill her so she wouldn’t be used as host, then committing suicide? Congratulations, dumbass, you just got the exact opposite result of what you planned and were supposed to do!

While Clarke was dancing with the doc, the camera made sure to show that Bellamy was watching them, and the song had very fitting lyrics:

Seaside

I’m running around looking for peace of mind

So come out and change me

You were always around to make me smile

Stuck underwater

I’m stuck underwater

I just need some space

My friend

It’s not what you wanted

But I just need a change

Again

And then when the camera panned to Bellamy:

Help me out before I die

Save me now before I give up

Help me out before I drown

There has been some debate over whether Bellamy looked jealous (enough) – and while his expression wasn’t the obvious heartbreak on Clarke’s face when she was watching him kiss Echo in S5, he looked sad, wistful and lost in thoughts. Maybe some people expected a stronger, angrier reaction – but I always hated that idea: it would be OOC, he was never possessive of Clarke that way, and it would make him a jerk if he acted that way while he is in a serious relationship with someone else.

Then Echo arrived – which was a bit odd: unlike Jordan and Delilah, who came as a couple, Bellamy and Echo didn’t dress up or come together. Bellamy was still distracted, looking back to the dance floor, when she asked him if he was fine, and he claimed to be upset because he remembered Octavia’s arrest at the party on the Ark (which he described as the last party he was to before one – even though that’s not true. The last party he was at was in Arkadia in S4, a few days before Praimfaya, when he drank with Jasper and others and probably had a one-night stand with Bree, and then later left when he learned about the bunker, while the others from that party, minus Harper and Niylah, decided to stay and commit suicide.) Bellamy indeed looked very sad in this episode – in contrast to his livelier and more hopeful demeanor in the previous episodes – presumably because of what a huge moment and huge loss it was for him to decide to leave Octavia behind and definitely cut her off from his life. But when he immediately started to criticize Echo for not being emotionally open enough, (like Clarke?) it felt like this either came out of the blue, or was very much connected to the fact that Bellamy had that emotionally intimate moment with Clarke, and was just watching Clarke acting fin and sensual with someone else. I’m usually not too impressed with Tasya Teles’ acting, but Echo’s silent hurt in this scene is one of her best acting moments so far.

Bellamy then realized he had just acted like a jerk and took out his issues on her, so he and Echo had an emotional conversation, where Echo ended up telling him the story about losing her parents, when Queen Nia’s army took their land. But this scene was weird in some ways. Bellamy said that Echo told him before that she didn’t remember her parents. This is the first time she has told him the true story. Which is quite surprising - since they spent 6 years is close proximity, probably without much else to do but talk, and (while we don’t know how long they’ve been dating), have been at least friends for 3 years out of that time (since it took him 3 years to forgive her). This may be a sign that she never really opened up and that they never really got that close as you’d expect. The conversation did start with Bellamy criticising Echo for not being emotionally open as he would like – but he said that the Echo he knew on the ring was more open. However, the dialogue went on to prove him wrong - since it turned out she hadn’t ble to talk about her parents for 6 years, and had lied about it to avoid conversation, and he never noticed.

So, this is either bad writing - or it is good writing that is intentionally meant to convey the lack of real intimacy in their relationship on the ring, and that Bellamy simply didn’t notice it because..? Maybe he didn’t want to? Or he didn’t have anything to compare it with, as his relationships with Raven, Murphy, Monty, Harper and Emori were not more emotionally intimate? It’s difficult to judge what “the time on the ring” was like, when we never saw any flashbacks, and the little info we got is contradictory. We hear that Echo proved herself there, or showed feelings when loved ones were in danger, but other times they talk about it as if nothing was happening and they were just bored and worried about not being able to get to Earth?

It’s also a little odd that Echo says that her emotional repression is because she was fighting for survival all her life - when that is also true of Bellamy. He had a huge secret to hide since he was 6, so you would expect him to be completely closed-off, and he is certainly not. A much better explanation would be Echo’s specific spy training, which we got a glimpse of in her hallucination in 6x02. That was IMO a much stronger character scene for Echo (and that episode was full of great character moments for everyone). If this scene in 6x04 is meant to be a full explanation of her personality, it’s not satisfactory. If it is meant as one of the setups for her to start struggling with her identity and get development in future episodes, I will like it better.

And finally, that ending. Even though the twist had been foreshadowed a lot and was expected by quite a few fans, me included, at least since 6x03 or not before, the scene where Russell and Simone decided to wipe Clarke’s mind and put their daughter’s into her body, was incredibly creepy and chilling, especially since we were practically in the POV of the paralyzed Clarke, who saw and heard everything but couldn’t move or do a thing. The dark room, the skeletons of previous hosts, all the way back to the original bodies of the Primes, all contributed to how disturbing it all felt – and so did the fact that Russell and Simone came off very human while incredibly monstrous at the same time. Russell is sad about doing evil, but then he does evil anyway and continues doing so, and he had some very hypocritical lines where he told Clarke she was giving them a „gift“ and that she can now „be at peace“. That’s not what she meant, Russell! Russell and Simone are convinced that they are killing Clarke – and the released script itself and Jason Rothenberg in the Inside the episode video confirmed that Clarke Griffin is indeed dead and gone…

Yeah, it’s pretty funny that they’re trying to sell this even for a moment. Of course, if it were true, it would be one of the stupidest, most pointless and offensive ways to kil off your protagonist, but we all know that’s not the case. The question is just, what exactly will be the condition of Clarke’s mind during the time Josephine is in control of her body, and how and when she will be brought back/freed. And most importantly, this plotline should give both Clarke and her loved ones a lot of great character moments and an exploration of their feelings. It should also propel the entire season’s plot, because our protagonists now have a personal stake in dismantling this awful society and putting the stop to the horrible practice that has been going on for 236 years.

Predictions/speculation

Out of the theories circling around, the one I like the minds of the hosts are not really erased; they are just dormant because the Prime mind is written on top of them and dominant. After all, why would we assume that Russell and the other Primes know the truth about how the process works? They. wouldn’t really know, or care, if the hosts’ minds are gone or just trapped and unable to do anything as the Primes’ minds are in control – which, in many ways, is even more disturbing than a simple death of the host would be. But the hosts before Clarke have been willing (as far as we know), and might not have had anyone determined to bring them back (the Children of Gabriel are content to just kill the hosts if that’s the only way to stop the process). The Flame will no doubt come into play, but not the way some people think. As confirmed by Jason Rothenberg in his recent Twitter Q&A, the „mind drives“ are a version of Becca’s original technology, modified in order to store an entire consciousness. The Flame is a more developed version of Becca’s original design, and might help someone – probably Raven - figure out how to erase the process in the mind drives. The fact that Madi has Becca’s „spirit“ in her head could also play a role. I’m sure it won’t be easy, though, and a lot of other things will probably also be needed, including input from Gabriel himself.

What would be really interesting is to see what this does for Clarke’s character arc. We will see Josephine pretending to be Clarke, but I wonder if we will also see Clarke pretending to be Josephine pretending to be Clarke, Josephine fighting with Clarke, Clarke trapped inside her own brain and fighting with her demons…

It will also be interesting to see how the loss of Clarke affects her friends and family. They have never before dealt with a situation Clarke is the one who needs saving for any longer period of time, and where everyone has to work together to save her. This should help show everyone’s real feelings for her. After all the bitterness and anger that some of them have shown (Raven in particular), her disappearance/“death“ will probably make them remember all the times that she did heroic things and saved them and others, and a comparison with a selfish, spoiled sociopath like Josephine should make them see what a real „bad guy“ in Clarke’s body would be like.

Will they also be able to save Delilah and the other hosts? Some people think that would be too „fairy-tale“ like, aka too good to be true – but, whatever Delilah meant by it, I think that her line “Don’t let me be a face behind the glass” (which compares the hosts to people in cryo-sleep) either hints at or foreshadows that the hosts can be saved. And I also think that the stakes will be higher if the hosts can be saved (or at least some of them – since some of the Primes may get killed in their hosts’ bodies before the end of this season), which would mean that the storyline must end with the final deaths of all the Primes – the destruction of their mind drives. If the hosts were really gone (and for some reason, only Clarke could be brought back), it would feel wrong to kill the Primes once they stop posing direct danger, and if there is another way to make sure they stop stealing other people’s bodies, especially if some of them end up helping put an end to the Prime rule and the bodysnatching practice.

But if the hosts can be saved, and given a chance at a real life that was taken from them at the age of 21, and if they can only be saved by destroying the Primes, who have already lived over 250 years at the expense of others… then this is a choice that will have to be made: the right choice, but maybe not an easy one. Especially if Ryker really ends up being Raven’s new love interest, and if ends up really not being fully bad and helping our heroes, we may end up being season 6 Maya, and at the same time, it could put Raven, for once, to be the one who makes the decisions who lives and who dies and has to stand by it, and – what would be even more interesting – to be the one who „kills“ her love interest for the greater good and what is right, this time, essentially going through Clarke’s season 2 role. Ryker’s line about about raven as an omen of death sounds like foreshadowing.

Rating: 8/10

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