#maybe if I keep working myself up over it I'll get anxious enough to throw up naturally. bcuz I've done That before.

[mosspapi]

Love eating something new and only finding out After I ate it that it's supposed to be heated up first. I'm actually going to throw myself out a window into oncoming traffic

[bteezxyewriter12]

One Good Fuck/ 2

Pairing- Hongjoong x Named Reader

Word count- 6k

Includes- Dom reader, sub Joongie, blow job, deepthroating, teasing, cum eating, face riding, tongue riding, pussy eating, cock riding, choking, orgasm denial, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Masterlists- check out for more fics📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Hongjoong Masterlist

Two months later

Hongjoong POV

"Hey, you free? Wanna hang?", I text her

Now comes the anxious waiting

We're on a practice break and I'm sitting all the way in the corner, trying not to freak out

Last week, when I texted her the same thing she hit me with "I can't I have a date"

And I kinda lost it

Figuratively speaking

It's just, as soon as I read those words insane jealousy came over me

I felt so possessive over her, felt like she's mine but she's not

That confirmed what I already knew and was trying to deny for two months

My feelings for her

The desperate want to touch her

The desperate need to kiss her, hold her, be with her

The love that's more than friendship love

And the utter hurtful realization that she doesn't feel the same way for me because she's going out with someone else

I don't know what to do

Should I tell her how I feel?

Keep it to myself?

Get one of the guys to talk to her?

Talk to one of her friends?

This is new territory for me

I have no problems getting a girl to fuck or date but I've never been in love before

I've never wanted someone like I want her

And I have no idea how to go about things

And there's the, you know, crippling fear of her rejection

I never cared about rejection before

If the girl I hit on didn't want to fuck, it was cool, I'd just find another girl

The girl I wanted to casually date said no?

No problem

But just the thought of her saying the words, "I don't feel the same" makes me feel like I'm going to throw up

Like it'll completely rip my heart out

I just don't know what to do

My phone goes off and I anxiously open her text

"If you mean today then yeah I'm free. But not tomorrow"

Curiously, I send, "Why, what's tomorrow"

And when she answers me back, I wish I hadn't asked

"I have a second date with the guy from last week"

My heart drops to the floor, tears springing in my eyes

Another date

With the same guy

She must like him enough to go out with him again

I lost my shot

If I hadn't been so scared, hadn't let work take over so I could avoid my feelings, she maybe could of been mine

But now I can't say anything

She likes this guy and as hard as it is, I'm not ruining that

I want her to be happy even if I'm not

I text her that something suddenly came up with work and I have to fix some songs

No way I can see her today

I don't trust myself not to be sad and upset

Then she'll ask what's wrong and I'll have to pretend everything is ok

I don't have the energy to do that today

She texts back that she understands and to call her to hang out next time

I send her a thumbs up emoji, then shove my phone in my pocket, dropping my head in my hands

This fucking blows

"Joong"

I look up to San, Seonghwa, Jongho and Mingi looking down at me

"What?"

"We're trying to figure out what to do for food after practice. Are you gonna hang out with Jo?", Seonghwa asks

"No", I answer, then drop my head in my hands again

"Are you ok?", San asks concerned

"Fine"

I so don't want to deal with this right now

"You're not fine", Mingi says, "You look upset. You said you were hanging with Jo today and now you're saying you're not. What happened?"

I don't answer, not wanting to talk about this with anyone and hoping they'd just go away

No such luck

"Hongjoong!", Seonghwa shouts

Lifting my head again, I glare and tell them, "She has another date. With the same guy"

"Tonight?", Jongho questions

I shake my head, "Tomorrow"

"So why is that stopping you from seeing her tonight?", Seonghwa asks

I glare yet again

They know how I feel about her, especially Seonghwa as I talk to him the most

"I can't be around her right now. Not knowing that she's going....out with someone else"

"Oh my god, just fucking tell her Hongjoong!", San exclaims

Easy for him to say

And the whole situation sounds ridiculous too

"Tell her what? That after one time sleeping with her I...", I trail off

"That you love her! Jesus, she's your best friend! She's not gonna bite!", San rolls his eyes

And I get so fucking mad

Didn't he fucking hear me a minute ago?

"She's dating someone else!", I yell, "That is a sure fire way of her not having feelings for me!"

Are they dense?

I just told them she's dating someone else, what aren't they getting?

"She's going on a second date with someone. That's not dating", Jongho points out

"Doesn't matter, she doesn't want me"

"You don't know that!", Seonghwa exclaims, "Go to her apartment now! Tell her how you feel! See what she says. Before you actually lose her to this guy"

"Don't be afraid", Mingi assures me, "You'll regret it if you don't say anything"

I mean I already regret not saying anything to her before she went out with this guy

I had two months to speak up and I blew it

Maybe, I shouldn't blow it again

But I'm scared

"I..I'm scared", I whisper

"There's nothing to be scared of", San reasons, "You two are best friends. The worst case is that she doesn't feel like that but you still won't lose her. She'd never drop you"

"And sometimes you just have to just take the risk to get what you want", Jongho adds

"Just go. You won't be able to finish practice while thinking about this anyway", Seonghwa says

Are they actually kicking me out?

I'm the leader here, how are they telling me what to do?

"Go Joong. Now", Jongho demands, "Before I throw you out of the room"

I raise my eyebrow but I believe Jongho

And he's strong enough to do it

But still, I'm the leader

"Now", he says in a serious tone

When I don't move, he starts coming towards me and I immediately stand up

"Alright! Alright! Jesus", I exclaim, "Fine, I'll go"

"You better. You're Uber is almost here", San says

"What?"

He called me an Uber?

Seriously?

San shows me his phone and it is on the uber app, with a one minute ETA

"But I'm all sweaty"

"Please, like she cares", Seonghwa snorts, "And anyway, girls love that shit"

Mingi and San nod

Whatever

"It's here", San announces

I glare at them one more time then I turn and leave the practice room, heading to the exit and my heart pounding in my chest

🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

Ringing her doorbell, I wait nervously for her to answer it

God, my hands are so sweaty and I'm actually fucking terrified

I hear the locks turning and I'm ready to run

"Joong?", she says, surprise on her face, "What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn't hang out today?"

I can't tear my eyes off her and I can't stop myself

Stepping inside her apartment, I kick her door closed, move close to her, my lips against hers

I melt into her as I feel her kiss me back, her hands bunching in my shirt

Fuck this is exactly what I wanted

This feeling, her soft lips against mine

My arms tightly around her

When the kiss ends, she looks at me in confusion

"Don't go on the date tomorrow", I whisper, softly touching her cheek, "Stay with me"

"I...I don't understand Joong", she answers softly, confusion in her gorgeous eyes

It's now or never

"I love you", I tell her, watching even more shock form on her face, "I don't want you to go out with this guy. I want you to be with me"

"Are...are you serious?"

I nod, "So serious. I can't stop thinking about you. After we...you've been the only thing on my mind. I want you. I want to be the one to take you on dates. I want to kiss you, hold your hand, hug you, spend time with you. I want you to want me"

"But you said you're with the makeup artist?"

I shake my head, "I'm not. After we were together I stopped seeing her. I couldn't be with her when you're all I wanted. I ignored her phone calls and when I realized I loved you I ended things with her. I never slept with her after we were together. I didn't kiss her, touch her, not even hold her hand. I didn't see her outside of work and even at work all she did was my makeup. I don't want her or anyone else. You are who I want"

I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something

I confessed everything, there's nothing else I can say

"I do want you Joongie"

I let out my breath as I realize what she said

"Yeah?", I ask, hopeful

She nods, "I love you Joong. I always have. You've always been my dream guy but I figured you didn't see me like that or you would of said something. I..I didn't want to go out with Kwan but I was trying to get over you"

"Don't jagi. Don't get over me. Please baby don't. Be with me, let me love you Jo", I say softly, "I want to love you. So much"

She smiles softly and it fucking knocks the breath out of me

"I want to love you too Joongie. It's all I ever wanted"

I nod, leaning my forehead against hers, "You're mine baby. I'm yours. We can love each other just like we want"

"Ok baby", she agrees, then presses her lips against mine, fireworks exploding in my vision, my entire body heating up

Fuck, I want to feel this way every single time I kiss her

Like the earth fell away and there's nothing but me and her

Somehow, I know I will

With her, I will

I move my tongue in her mouth, hers immediately playing with mine, the kiss turning desperate

Our hands move quickly, shirts pulled off, her bra on the floor

She pushes me against the wall, her lips pressing kisses to my neck, her hands on my body, touching everywhere

Heat and fire flood every inch of me, from her fingers, from her lips

This was what I was craving these last two months

Her touch

Her

Just her

Her kisses spread down, all over my chest, her tongue licking my skin before her lips press against it

I moan, watching her kiss me over and over again, going lower and lower

She moves to her knees, my heart pounding in my chest as her lips kiss my stomach over and over

Her hands so very slowly, undo my belt, the clinking sound of it ringing in my ears

She undoes the button on my jeans, the zipper following, my jeans falling to my ankles

"Off Joongie"

I kick my shoes off, followed by my jeans, doing as she asks

Her hands run up my legs, staying on my hips, her mouth kissing all over my lower stomach

I breathe hard, her kisses feeling amazing, my hand moving in her long hair

One of her hands drop to the tent in my boxers, palming my hard dick

"Fuck", I whisper

Her mouth moves down, her lips now kissing my hard on through my boxers, my cock twitching against her lips

"Mmm, nice and hard for me baby", she murmurs

I nod, so fucking turned on

"All for me?"

"Yes jagi", I whimper

"Good baby", she says softly, continuing to kiss me through my boxers

I whine, wanting to feel her mouth on my bare skin

"You gonna let me suck your cock this time?"

"Yes", I shout, so desperate to feel her lips on my dick

"Good because I like sucking cock. I've been told I'm good at it"

"Show me baby", I whimper, "Please jagi"

"Hmm want to see me suck your cock that much baby?"

"So much jagi", I pant

God, the thought of watching her with my dick in her mouth is making me feral

Her fingers move to the waist band of my boxers, slowly pulling them down

As soon as my cock springs free, she's kissing all over my base, her lips so soft against me

"Oh my god", I moan

My boxers drop to the floor, her kisses dragging along my length, slowly, blissfully

God, I've never had this done before

Never had kisses on my dick, never knew how fucking good it feels

Most girls just go right to sucking but this feels phenomenal

A new experience that I know I have to have from now on when she's gonna blow me

It's non-negotiable

After the kisses, she licks me, her tongue moving from the base of my cock to my head in one long lick

That she repeats over and over, all over my length

"Fuck jagi", I whimper, "Love seeing your tongue on me"

She smiles, licking under my head, her hand wrapping around the rest of my dick

Her tongue slides up, licking along my slit

I'm so hard, so horny, I'm leaking all over the place

She licks the cum off me, swallowing then smirking up at me

"Tastes so good Joongie", she says, continuing to lick which makes me leak even more, "Gonna give me more?"

I nod rapidly

"Gonna cum in my mouth so I can swallow it all?"

"Yes", I whimper, wanting that so much

I feel like if she keeps licking me, I'll definitely cum which is completely mind blowing

She doesn't even have to suck on me, just lick me but God do I want her to suck my cock

Her mouth moves around my head, keeping her tongue on my underside and she sucks once

"Fuck yes", I cry, pleasure filling me hard

Her mouth keeps moving, sucking on me, her hand jerking me off in time to her sucking

Her big eyes are on mine as she blows me, the brown of her iris so pretty, so intense

Every few sucks, she moves down an inch on my cock, the pleasure increasing

"Baby, baby, fuck baby", I whimper, thankful I have the wall behind me to help me stay up

She takes half of me in her mouth, sucking so well, her hand moving up and down my shaft so pleasurably

I'm so close, ready to cum down her throat

"Baby...jagi...", I pant, my hand fisting her hair

And suddenly the pleasure stops

"Baby...what...what happened?", I whine

She smirks, "Can't let you cum so easily baby"

"No jagi", I cry, wanting her mouth back around me

Instead she gives me more kisses along my shaft, moans spilling from my mouth

After a minute, her mouth moves back around my length, sliding down a bit more

She sucks hard, her head bobbing back and forth on my cock, pleasure roaring back

"Oh baby", I moan, holding onto her hair tightly

The sounds she's making as she blows me are so hot

Moans, swallows, so fucking arousing

Her mouth is amazing, she's so right, she's incredible at blow jobs

I'm close again, my eyes closing, my head pressed against the wall

And again, she pulls off my cock right when I'm gonna cum, making me whine and beg

She ignores me, kissing my length again until I'm calm

"Mm baby", she murmurs, "You're cock is so hard"

Yeah because she's teasing me

Her tongue licks my dripping slit, swallowing my cum from there

"Jagi", I whimper

"Aww baby", she teases, "Do you wanna cum that bad?"

I nod, "Yes baby. Please"

"Wanna cum in my mouth that badly?"

"Yes jagi. Fuck, wanna cum down that pretty throat, watch you swallow it all", I moan, "Please baby, suck my cock"

She smirks, nodding

This time, when she gets her mouth around me, she removes her hand and slips down my entire length

"Oh my god", I cry, shocked that she's deepthroating me

She chokes for a few seconds and that sound is music to my ears but I don't want to hurt her

"Jagi", I murmur, trying to pull her head back, but she shakes her head, moving her hands on my hips and pulls me as close as she can, nestling my cock in her tight throat

She swallows, her throat constricting around my cock making unbelievable pleasure shoot through me

Her head slides down to my head, then she bobs back up taking me in hard and rough

"Oh my fucking god!", I cry, as she moves quickly up and down

Tears fall down her gorgeous face, spit all over the place as she gives me the messiest and most pleasurable blow job I've ever had

I don't ever want to be blown any other way than this way and through the bliss I realize that I can have this all the time now

Because she's mine

I watch my cock move in and out of her mouth as I moan so loudly, the pleasure turning my head off

She goes hard on my cock, each bob bringing me right there

"Please baby, let me cum", I plead, "Please don't stop jagi. Please"

She nods, her gorgeous wet brown eyes on me and god she looks so pretty with my cock in her mouth

She slides down my , keeping me in her mouth and sucking rapidly

"Joanne, oh my god, fuck!", I yell, bliss crashing over me as I shoot my cum down her throat

I close my eyes, yelling wordlessly, pulling her hair hard while keeping her on my dick, even though it's not like she's even trying to move off

Instead she's pushing me even more into her mouth as she can, swallowing eagerly, the pleasure from that mixing with the bliss I already feel, making everything so fucking mind blowing

My legs are shaking and I lean against the wall to keep myself up

When it's over, I let go of her hair, my brain a complete mush

I feel her pull me out of her mouth, her tongue licking my slit for more

I feel her move away, her lips pressing kisses on my neck, my arm moving around her waist, keeping her against me as I get it together

Once I'm back to earth, I lift her face to mine, kissing her in a loving kiss

When the kiss ends, she smiles at me, takes my hand and leads me to her room

She maneuvers me in front of the foot of her bed, smirks at me, then pushes me back so I fall on the bed

"Lay back baby", she tells me as she pulls down her PJ shorts, then her lacy barely there panties

I know I just came but fuck, I'm already so hard watching her take her clothes off for me

My girlfriend is so fucking hot

I look at her sexy body that I was missing for so long

My eyes land on the new sternum tattoo she got

It's so beautiful, so delicate and I know I'm going to be spending so much time kissing all over it and tracing all the lines later

She climbs on me, sitting on my lap, her cunt soaking me

Her hips move, grinding along my cock, pleasure humming in my body

I can't believe I'm this hard again, she just turns me on that much

She keeps rubbing her cunt on my dick and I'm getting desperate to be inside her

I crave to have her wrapped around me

I need it and I'm so fucking stiff, I feel myself leaking all over the place

"Please baby", I whine, sitting up on my elbows, "My cock hurts. Wanna be in your sweet pussy"

"Shhh", she growls, shoving me down on her bed, still not putting me inside her, moving and sitting on my stomach instead, "I'll sit on your cock when I'm good and ready"

I shiver, loving how she's taking over again

"And you're gonna be a good boy and do what I tell you or you don't get pussy"

"No! No", I cry, lifting my hips, trying to get some friction, "I'll be good. I promise jagi, I'll be good. Want your pussy baby. Please, I'll be a good boy"

"Cute", she says, tilting her head as she looks down at me, smirking, "You're so pretty begging for my pussy Joongie. Thrusting your hips up even though my cunt is no where near your dick"

"Want you", I moan, my hands gripping her sheets so hard, "Want you so bad. Promise I'll be good. I swear"

"Then show me", she answers, "Stop moving"

It takes so much control for me to lay still on the bed but I do it for her

To show her I can be good for her

She was good for me last time, I can do it too

"Good boy", she smirks, leaning over me, kissing me softly

I eagerly kiss her back, wanting her lips on mine every second of everyday

All too soon for me, she pulls away then gently kisses my cheek

She moves up my body instead of down, her legs around my head, her pussy in my sight

She's already so wet, glistening in her juice and I just want to devour her

I move my eyes to hers, pleading to let me eat her pussy

"Go ahead Joongie"

I don't want any time, my hands around her thighs, pulling her right against my mouth, my tongue buried in her sweet cunt, tongue lapping up all her juice

"Mmmm", I moan, swirling my tongue everywhere I can

"Joongie", she whimpers, her hand slipping in my hair, "Fuck, such a good fucking tongue"

I swallow her cream eagerly, licking between her pretty puffy lips, then circling her tiny hole

I slip my tongue inside as much as I can, wiggling around, her shouts of pleasure so loud

"Keep your tongue there baby", she moans and I do as I'm told

Her hips rise as she slides up my tongue, then goes back down

She bounces on my tongue, clenching down on it, sending bliss straight to my hard cock

I moan in her pussy as she completely soaks my face

"Yes Joongie", she praises, "Fuck, gonna ride your cock just like this"

I nod rapidly, my fingers digging in her hips as she keeps bouncing, her cream running in my mouth, drowning me in her pussy and there's no where else I rather be

After another few bounces, she moves off my tongue

"Keep your tongue out", she orders, pressing her pussy against it

Her hips move, grinding and rocking against my tongue, her fingers pulling my hair hard

I help her move on me, holding her hips and rocking her on my tongue

She's creaming my face so much and I'm trying to swallow as much of it as I can

I'm loving this so much

She's using my tongue to cum and I'm so here for it

Her pussy is so soft against me, tasting so fucking good, the sounds she's making so fucking erotic, her clit throbbing against my tongue

I want to suck on her so bad but I know I have to wait until she tells me too

"Fuck, I love your fucking mouth Joongie", she moans, now rubbing her clit against the tip of my tongue

I'm hoping so much she's gonna tell me to play with her clit

I'm literally drooling for it

"You wanna suck my clit don't you", she asks

I look up at her from between her legs to find her smirking at me

"Your mouth keeps closing around my clit baby, then opening again like you remember I'm just rubbing my cunt on your tongue"

I feel my cheeks blush

I didn't even realize I was doing that

"You wanna suck on me that bad?"

I nod, desperately wanting that

"Ok baby. You can"

I immediately pull her clit in my mouth, sucking on her desperately

I live for how her pretty little swollen clit pulses in my mouth

It's everything

"Yes Joongie. Faster baby. Fuck. I'm gonna cum baby"

Sucking as fast I can, I moan against her, my tongue against her clit, playing while I suck on her

"Hongjoong! Baby, yes baby", she moans as she cums beautifully

I suck her through it, watching her, listening to her cries of my name, so turned on

When she finishes, I ask, "Can I eat jagi? Please?"

"Yes baby"

I immediately move my tongue to her hole, licking up her sweet cream

God, I can eat her cunt every fucking day

And now that she's mine, I can

When I finish, she moves down my body, my cock against her cunt, her lips against mine

As she kisses me, she aligns me to her hole, starting to sit on my cock

Her tongue plays with mine as I grip her hips so hard, wiggling down my cock so slowly, her cunt impaling on my length so pleasurably

I feel her pussy walls open slightly for me, then cling onto me, throbbing and sucking me in

I moan in her mouth, breathing harder and harder as she bottoms me out, her cunt squeezing the life from my cock

"Oh god", I cry, breaking the kiss, "Yes baby. Fuck, oh my god"

She sits up, pleasure on her face as her cunt spasms around me

I'm so antsy, wanting her to move desperately

My cock hurts from being so hard and while her fluttering cunt is helping, it's not enough

"Please, fuck me jagi. Please", I beg, dying for her to bounce on my cock, "I...I was your good boy baby. I'm still your good boy. Fuck me baby. Please, my cock hurts so much jagi. Please, fuck me"

"Aww baby's dick hurts? Why", she teases, her tone mean

And it does nothing but make me more horny

"Bbb...because I'm so hard baby"

"But you're in my pussy. Isn't that what you wanted? I'm clenching on your cock, that isn't that enough?"

I shake my head, "No baby. Mmmm...maybe if I wasn't so horny but I've wanted you for the last two months and now that you're around me....I need you to fuck me. I promise I'll listen to you baby, I'll do whatever you want, just fuck my cock. Please"

"Hmm...dunno what I like better. Dom Joongie or sub Joongie", she smirks, tilting her head, "Sub Joongie begging for my cunt or Dom Joongie demanding it"

"I..I can do both jagi", I tell her

I can be a switch for her

Honestly, I like being dominated by her

I'm usually dominant because I haven't felt comfortable or really trusted the girls I fucked to be submissive to them

But I feel absolutely comfortable with her

I trust her with my life

I know she'd never judge me, never hurt me

I feel completely safe with her

"Hmmm I like that. I can do both too Joongie", she giggles, rocking on my dick, her pussy throbbing wonderfully, "We can play a lot together, baby"

I groan, nodding, "Fuck yes. Play with your pretty pussy jagi. Fuck, as long as I'm inside you, I don't care how we play. I'll do whatever my baby wants"

"Good boy", she says, shivers running up my spine

She leans over me, her hands on my chest as she starts bouncing

Hard and fast

Pleasure explodes in my body, a loud cry leaving my mouth, fingers digging in her hips again

I know I'm gonna leave so many bruises and nail marks on her but I can't help it

It feels so mind blowing good

Her cunt is swallowing my cock so well, creaming my length in so much cream and juice, it's absolutely everywhere, the wet squelching sound of her pussy taking my shaft so fucking beautiful

As is the sight of her riding me

So fucking stunning

Her hips grind against me when she takes me in, my head hitting her spot again and again, her moans so fucking pornographic

She is fucking amazing at riding cock

The pleasure is fucking intense and I'm both shocked and not shocked to feel tears running down my face

I made her cry last time and now she's working my cock so good she's making me cry

"Aww baby, so pretty crying for my pussy", she teases

I nod, hiccuping, "Sss...so good. Mmm..my pretty jagi"

"Yeah baby?", she smirks, "Wanna try something that I like and see if you like it too?"

I nod rapidly, "Yes baby"

I'll try anything once, especially with her

She smiles wider, her hand moving from my chest and wraps around my neck

My cock throbs so hard in her cunt at this once gesture and I'm so fucking excited

"Hmmm I think my baby boy is excited", she giggles, "I feel you're pretty hard cock throbbing in my pussy"

I nod, "Please"

She bounces harder just as her hand squeezes my neck, cutting my air off

My head fills with fluff, my heart pounding the only sound in my head

The feel of her pussy around my cock heightens, the pleasure soaring to an intensity level I've never felt before

She lets go of my neck and I suck in a breath, then sob so much more out of the phenomenal pleasure

She wipes my eyes, asking, "Good baby?"

I nod, not able to say anything at the moment

"Good", she says, bouncing on my cock like no one has every before

It's like she has leg muscles of steel

"My cock feels so good", she whimpers

"Yyy...your cock?", I ask, her eyes flashing at me

"This is my cock", she tells me, her hand choking me again as she speaks

God, its so good

Her pussy is so tight, feeling fucking out of this world to barrel through

"My cock to fuck. My cock to cum on", she continues, "This cock belongs in my pussy only. This cock cums in my cunt only. In my mouth only. Understand?"

"Yes", I shout when she lets go of my neck, my body arching, pushing my cock in as much as I can, "You're cock jagi. It's yours. I'm yours. All yours"

"Damn right", she says, her pussy so close to coming

The way she's tugging on my cock, holding me in a death grip, I'm so excited to feel her cum again

"Cum on my cock", I beg, "Please"

"Begging again baby?"

"Yes", I whimper

"You're lucky your cock is amazing baby. I'm gonna cum really soon"

I nod, waiting anxiously

She moves down, her spot right against my head and she screams my name as she climaxes

Her beautiful body shakes on top of me, her head back, eyes closed, squirt exploding from her cunt, all over my cock, my lap, her bed

"Hongjoong! Oh fuck, god! Hongjoong!"

I take the absolute pleasure that assaults me, screaming her name

"Baby..I'm...I'm..", I cry, so ready to blow my load

"No", she moans loudly, "No Joongie. Don't cum"

Ffffuuucccckkk

I do my best to push it back, whining and sobbing harder as I let her ride out her orgasm on me

When she finishes, she looks down at me, "You cum when I say you can"

I nod, breathing hard, trying to calm down my sobs

"Good boy", she answers, rocking on my dick, rubbing her spot on my head again, "I'm gonna cum on this cock one more time then you can ok?"

I nod, whispering, "Ok"

"Good boy", she says, leaning down and kissing my cheek, "My good Joongie"

She moves her hands back on my leg, grinding on my cock, giving me bounces in-between

I watch her boobs jiggle, sweat dripping down between them, mesmerized at how this gorgeous girl is mine

At how much she wants me, just as much as I want her

At how her pussy easily and eagerly takes my cock, at how ready she is to do anything with me

I'm so fucking lucky

"Hhh.. Hongjoong", she moans, bouncing now, tremors rippling in her perfect skin, "Oh baby, fuck"

She orgasms so beautifully, her cunt clenching my cock in a death grip over and over, pretty cream running from her pussy

Pleasure hurdles over me as I watch her, holding off my orgasm until she tells me I can cum

She rides me through her orgasm, her pussy so fucking tight

When she finishes, she leans over me, her hips still bouncing, her hand wrapped around my neck

"Make a mess in my pussy Joongie", she smirks, her hand cutting off my air as she bounces down hard, feeling her cunt pulse so acutely

I can't hold it, gripping her hips hard as I hold her on me, astounding ecstasy washing over me as I cum deep in her cunt

My body arches and shakes hard, my mind blank, shivers running up and down my back, all senses heightened

My screams of her name break the silence when she lets go of my neck, her amazing pussy throbbing and milking my cock

"Joanne...ngl...so..baby...", I babble as tears of pure pleasure run down my face

"Mmm yeah Joongie", she murmurs, rocking on my dick, "Cock feels so good. Throbbing so much inside me. Nice warm cum filling me up. Love it baby"

I choke out sounds as the pleasure lasts for what seems like hours

I swear I've never come this hard or this good before

Finally when it starts tapering off, I sink into her bed, completely exhausted

I feel her hands wiping my tears, her lips pressing kisses all over my face as she praises me

"Good boy Joongie. You were such a good baby. I love you so much"

"Llll....love...you", I get out, my head still pleasantly empty

She climbs off me and I hear a door open but I can't manage to open my eyes

I can't move

A minute later, I feel a cool wet towel around my lap and dick, realizing she's cleaning me up

Fuck, I should be doing that for her

I want to, it's just a monumental task to even open my eyes

The bed dips next to me, her arms moving me until we're snuggled together, my head laying on her squishy boob

Her arms encircle me, fingers of one hand running in my hair and I'm in such bliss

"I love you Hongjoong", she whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of my hair

"I love you Jo", I manage to get out, slowly moving my arms around her

Her other hand moves to my back, rubbing up and down as she continues to play with my hair

I should be doing this for her

I should be rubbing her legs and thighs

She rode me for over an hour, giving me so much pleasure

I should be holding her, playing with her hair

Last time I didn't take care of her either

She took care of me

I'm already slacking and I need to be better

"Jagi", I say sleepily, moving and trying to sit up but her arms stay locked around me

"Stay baby. Sleep ok?"

"I...I. can't....I should....take care....you", I mumble, fighting to stay awake

"Shh baby. I'm taking care of you now baby"

"But I should...last time...didn't.."

"Doesn't matter Joongie. You need it baby. I love taking care of you baby. I promise", she whispers, pressing kisses to my forehead

"But-"

"It's ok baby", she says softly, reassuringly, her fingers running through the strands of my hair, "I promise. Sleep Joongie. I love you so much"

"I love you....so..much", I answer, halfway asleep

She kisses me again and this time I just give in to the feel of her hand on my back, her fingers in my hair, the feel of being in her arms

The feel of her love surrounding me

And that's how I fall asleep

[sundeathh]

Aizawa’s sick day. Part III

- The following evening -

Part 1 here  | Part 2 here |  Masterlist

Pairing: Aizawa × Reader | Word count: 1.6K

Fandom: BNHA | MHA | Tags: reverse comfort, home life, romance, fluffy & cute, SFW.

CW: Sickness, stable relationship, cheesy stuff, married couple dynamics.

A/N: Long time no see. Probably the last part of this piece. One of my favorites, though. I hope you all like it!

3:36 P.M.

After finishing the call, you put your phone back down, wondering if you should head there or wait for him to get home. You put your bag on the coffee table and plopped on the couch with a sigh. 'A severe case of the Flu' - the words spun through your head. It was worse than you thought.

You pondered if you should go for a check-up, too, since it is contagious. But, so far, you weren't feeling any different than your usual self. Your immunity was quite worse than Shōta's, so you were surprised you didn't show any symptoms yourself.

But anyway, it was good that at least you were okay. You needed your strength to take care of your husband. Still with your phone next to you, you grabbed it again, sending him a text message.

"Should I go pick you up?" It read.

No response. And it stayed unread for a while. You resisted the urge to go there since Shōta was already at the infirmary, so you assumed he was receiving the treatment needed.

Distracting yourself wasn't easy, though. You went back and forth through your hobbies since you had done the home chores already. But neither was enough to keep your mind at ease.

5:19 P.M.

You were cleaning the floor for the second time that day when the bip of your phone notifications made you stop to get to it, anxious about if there was any update about your partner.

You got a text message. After tapping on it to read Shōta's words, you read: "Sorry I didn't answer sooner. Recovery Girl asked me to put the phone down so she could examine me again. It seems I'll be fine. She insisted I should take at least three days off, though."

You typed back: "Good. I'm glad you'll finally have some time for yourself. You needed a break. Are you coming home?"

"Yes. I'm walking to the bus stop right now."

"What? Why? Why didn't you ask for a cab?"

"No need. I'm feeling well enough to go home by bus."

"You better sit at that bus stop and wait for me to get you. I'm not letting you come back in a crowded bus."

"You don't have to, I'm OK."

"On my way." You typed, throwing your phone into your bag, and grabbing your car keys. He may be stubborn. A lot stubborn. But you could beat him easily when it came to that.

6:22 P.M.

The familiar rumble of your car engine pulled Aizawa up from his seat at the bus stop. The tired expression on his face subdued a little to show you a small smile instead. He opened the car door and slid into the passenger seat. Aizawa greeted you.

"Thanks for coming to pick me up," he said, his voice a bit raspy but filled with gratitude.

You gave him a soft smile, reaching your hand over to gently pat his forearm. "Of course, Shōta. I wasn't going to let you ride the bus in your condition. Now, let's get you home and into bed."

Aizawa nodded, leaning back into the seat with a smile stamped on his lips. "Of course, you wouldn't," he said, amused.

You rolled your eyes and giggled. "You would do the same. Or worse yet, maybe carry me instead of letting me walk myself". You said back.

He huffed but smiled. The drive was quiet after that, a comfortable silence between you two that shared care and understanding. As you approached home, you couldn't help but glance at him, concern etched on your face.

"How are you feeling, really?" you asked, your eyes focused on the road but attentive to his response.

He sighed, a mix of exhaustion and contentment in his voice. "Honestly, better now that I know I'm heading home. Recovery Girl worked her magic, but nothing beats being in my own space."

You smiled, appreciating the sentiment. "Well, you're going to get plenty of rest now. No hero work, no meetings, just relaxation."

He chuckled, a sound that warmed your heart. "Sounds like paradise right now." He smiled, feeling relieved for the first time in a long while.

6:55 P.M.

Once home, you guided Aizawa inside, ensuring he was comfortable before disappearing into the kitchen to prepare a light meal. The aroma of chicken soup filled the air as you carefully monitored the pot on the stove. Aizawa settled onto the couch, looking around with a faint smile.

"You really didn't have to do all this," he commented, his eyes lingering on you. You turned, meeting his gaze with a determined look. "Well, I wanted to. And don't argue. Recovery Girl's orders: plenty of rest and a good meal."

Aizawa chuckled again, a softness in his eyes that spoke more than words could. "You're overprotective, you know that?"

You shrugged, a playful glint in your eyes. "Only when it comes to you. I learned it from the best teacher, anyway." You teased.

Aizawa settled further into the couch, his eyes never leaving you as you moved around the kitchen. The warmth in the room seemed to intensify, not just from the simmering soup but from the shared understanding between the two of you.

"Well, I appreciate the overprotectiveness," he admitted, a soft smile on his lips. "I guess I'm lucky to have someone looking out for me."

The comment made you smile, and you couldn't help but feel a swell of affection. As you plated the soup, you grabbed a couple of spoons and made your way to the couch.

"Here you go," you said, handing him a bowl. "Hot chicken soup, just what the hero ordered." Aizawa accepted it with a grateful nod, the aroma instantly enticing his senses.

As he took a spoonful, Aizawa's eyes closed in appreciation. "You might be onto something. This is really good."

"See? Overprotectiveness has its perks," you teased again, sipping from your own spoon. He smiled. "I guess it does".

The evening continued in a similar way – a shared meal, light banter, and the comfort of being in each other's company. Aizawa, despite the lingering exhaustion, seemed to relax, the care and attention you provided working wonders for him.

You both knew the unspoken agreement: Aizawa needed this time to recover, and you were more than willing to provide the support he needed.

As the evening settled into the night, you found yourself on the couch together, a cozy blanket draped over both of you. Aizawa, still looking a bit tired, leaned into you, finding solace in the warmth of your presence.

"Thank you," he murmured, his gratitude evident. You placed a soft kiss on his temper, a gesture filled with tenderness. "Always, love. Now, rest. I'll be right here."

8:02 P.M.

The evening breeze gently rustled the curtains as you watched the credits rolling up on the TV screen. Aizawa leaned back on the couch, the signs of exhaustion more apparent now. His eyes drooped slightly, and you could tell that the toll of the day was catching up to him.

"I think it's time for you to get some proper rest," you suggested, untangling from the embrace. "Let me help you to bed."

Aizawa hesitated, glancing at you with a mix of gratitude and stubbornness. "I can manage, you know."

You raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in your eyes. "Sure, you can. But it's more fun when you let me take care of you in the end," you said softly. He chuckled, realizing the futility of arguing with you when you had that determined look.

Slowly, you helped him stand, supporting him as he swayed slightly. His usual stoic demeanor softened as he leaned on you for support.

Guiding him to the bedroom, you could feel the warmth of his fever against your touch. Concern etched your features as you helped him settle into bed.

"Looks like you've got a bit of a fever again," you observed, adjusting the covers as you tucked him in. "Let's try to cool you down a bit, okay?"

Aizawa sighed, appreciating the care. "I'll be fine, just need some rest."

You nodded. "Rest is exactly what you're going to get. I'll be right here if you need anything." You said before walking out of the room to get a damp cloth.

The room was dimly lit, and when you returned, you sat beside him, watching over as he already drifted into a peaceful sleep. The soft hum of the air conditioner and the occasional creak of the floorboards created a soothing background.

"Rest well, Sho." You whispered, carefully placing the damp cloth on his forehead.

And as the night progressed, you continued to monitor his condition, occasionally replacing the damp cloth to ensure his fever stayed in check.

This quiet moment allowed you to reflect on the bond of care and vulnerability you both shared. Aizawa, despite being the stern hero in the light of day, looked so vulnerable in his sleep.

You couldn't help but feel a deep sense of protectiveness, a desire to shield him from the challenges the hero world imposed on him. It hurts so much to watch him endangering himself over and over again due to his work demands. Still, you admired him just as much.

You could never protect him the way he did with you or with his students, so instead, you sat by his side, a guardian in the quiet hours, ready to provide comfort and care until the morning light of each day. Even though you were not a hero, this was your way to protect him. And it worked just as any hero work does for people.

The love you felt suppressed all the worry you had. And although you would never stop worrying, having him there to rest for a few days, beside you and safe from his work hazards, felt like a touch of heaven in your heart.

Leaning in gently to place a peck on his cheek, you whispered "I love you" for the hundredth time to his unconscious mind.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated! Check the fixed post for requests & more details!

[blue-skiesand-silverlinings]

I rarely post here, but I do need to vent, because if I don't do it here, I'll end up doing it all over the notes in the next Blue Skies and Silver Linings chapter and that just isn't the time or place. I don't need to bog down the chapter with all this.

I know some of y'all who read it also attend to watching this blog for the art I do, so here it goes. This is a response to a semi-recent reviewer regarding some things in some of the recent chapters, but I will not name them because I'm not into the whole doxxing culture over something stupid like a half-assed complaint about some recent things that went down in said chapters.

I get it, I'm slow in updating so the story's been dragging (I apologize, I sincerely do), but goddamn dude. I do have a life, like a job, kids, pets, bills, the whole nine yards. The only thing I lack is a beta, so I'm usually stuck scanning things myself before I post them, but things do slip by. Not everyone is perfect.

So, here it goes, this is response is particularly aimed towards the trash takes against military culture and what they think is absolutely wrong, because it's absolutely apparent that they hadn't served a day in their life. Don't at me, bro. I have receipts for my service.

So let's fucking do this.

I’ve seen people get reduced in rank for a lot of stupid shit. That includes back-talking your superiors. They can take away everything, including the privileges of going off base, driving your own car (if you have one), or even something as simple as wearing civilian attire (blue jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts, anyone?). If you live off base, not anymore, you don’t! You're back in the barracks, and you have to check in with the duty hut every two hours (or however often the intervals are set at), on the hour, or they’ll report your ass. They’ll knock you down in rank, cut your pay in half, and they can do it for up to six months, maybe even longer (depending on severity of the NJP, it's up to command discretion).

Shit can, will, and does roll downhill. And that can include your career, so choose your attitude with care when dealing with military folk that are closer to the top.

When someone in power decides to flex their power by making your life hell, the stupidest thing you can do is provoke them (ie anything can provoke them, from not doing something fast enough to just breathing loudly; they're not picky on how they can tear you down). You can’t just quit like a regular job and skip town either. If you try, it just might get you court martialed for going AWOL; that means when you’re caught, you’re going to sit in front of a military judge, reviewed by a military panel of peers, and you'll be supported or attacked by military lawyers.

They can kick you out and dishonourably discharge you. You lose everything if that happens, including being seen by the VA hospitals and other “perks” after getting out (including college tuition or disability compensation for any issues you sustained while in the military). A PFC’s word against a Gunnery Sergeant? They’ll always take the gunny’s word over yours, any day of the week because rank = trustworthiness and more weight in power. It doesn't matter how honest you are, how much integrity you have. At the end of the day, rank means everything.

And believe me, those kinds of people are just aching to let loose, and they are looking for that chance to play fuck-fuck games, and once they have it, they’ll pounce. Why? Because they can! They love to set you up for failure and laugh about it. They'll even string you along so that you take the bait, and fall into those kinds of traps.

Those kinds of people will sell your soul to Satan for one corn chip if they could. They’ll throw their own mothers under the bus if it meant keeping their asses out of trouble. Being under the command or working alongside someone like that can make damn near anyone neurotic and anxious and terrified for even thinking the wrong thing, especially if you’re brand-new to a unit and they immediately decide, “Ah, yes. I would like to ruin this person’s life because it’ll be entertaining to me”.

(I’m not saying this doesn’t happen in the civilian world, it absolutely does, but the military is a whole different beast altogether as far as culture goes. And the people in this culture are just as likely, if not more so, able to get away with this kind of abuse. Yes, abuse. What these people do has a name, and abuse is what it is called. It shouldn't have a place in work spaces, and yet, here we are.)

This is why a lot of people get out of the military, a lot of GOOD people who want to stay in but can’t if it means dealing with the bad leadership and losing the battle against them. Those baddies love ruining lives and they're good at twisting things so the system works for them and no one else, and the bad ones continue to stay in collecting paychecks, and they get up into higher ranks, and continue to rot away the core of the branches they’re working in.

I’ve met and seen people who were affected in ways much worse than me, and they are Not Doing Great, even if they’re out by now or about to get out. When I was in and I was stuck under people like this, I was too scared to go to anyone for help because word travels fast and it's not a matter of IF it gets back to those people, it's a matter of WHEN. And when it does, you're in for a world of hurt. They'll find ways to hurt you. Maybe not physically (they still will. They'll keep their hands clean and make you hurt indirectly, but they will find a way). They'll find ways to exhaust you to the point of ruination. They always do.

They make you feel hopeless, small, and all alone, and unable to reach out for help because they can twist it to make it seem like you're crazy and stupid and just saying shit to get attention and they revel in it. And these are people who might have their own families and kids and lives, but they will absolutely put everything on pause just to fuck you up!

That shit stays with you. That shit changes your brain chemistry. I get nightmares about being back in and back under those awful people and I'm once again a junior Marine instead of a Sergeant, or I'm having to go through boot camp all over again as a grown-ass woman and not a dumbass 19-year-old and I end up back at my old base, and I wake up fearful and anxious and it sets me physically, emotionally, and mentally off-kilter for the rest of the day, if not the week. There's a reason I keep telling people, I will NEVER go back to NC because that whole entire state just makes me physically ill. I KNOCKED A WHOLE ASS STATE OFF MY "PLACES TO GO" LIST. I will not drive through it, fly over it, nothing. I don't care. Drop my ass off at the border, I'll wait for you to come and get me or I'll find my way around, thanks.

It really is that simple (as I presented it in the chapter) and I can’t believe I have to explain this in so many words because apparently, the few I used didn't get through to you because you apparently can't understand nuance.

Also, one last thing. Have you ever considered that if a character (especially one that is MINE, as in, they're Not Canon, they're MY OC) is acting "OOC", it might be a case of invoking the trope, "OOC is Serious Business"? If you want to go make your own wet-dream military character and model them off of something like Battlefield or Call of Duty or Halo, or whatever, then you go for it. By all means, you do you.

But don't sit there and act like your opinions are facts on how someone else's OC should act if they're not your own damn creation...who are you to accuse someone that they're own OC is "acting OOC"? I beg your finest fucking pardon.

Keep coming at me with the dumbass energy about this though, I will match it and bury your ass because you didn't even finish reading the recent chapters, you skimmed at best worst. It was very evident in the way you did a half-assed job in trying to tear down the chapter that you "reviewed" in. You have absolutely no leg to stand on.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[palimundo]

I'm going to keep a day log of this supplement I bought to help my ability to focus. But it seems to be neutralizing my mood more. Posting here because it's easily accessible for me, and maybe it'll help others too.

Overall Summary after 45 days: First week gave the best results with regulating my mood and racing thoughts. All after that it became inconsistent, likely because of how my body gets used to new things after enough time. I'll continue to take them to control my anxiety, that's the one thing that's stayed the most consistent and I favor it. If brands are different, I'm willing to try others to see if there's a response as good as the first week.

Day 1: I had an extremely hard time waking up, no doubt because of my ongoing anxiety doing its worst to me the day before but maybe also because it was super cold in the house and I went to bed late. Taking the supplement I guess I was more focused, in that I didn't feel all anxious at the thought of starting anything important, but it still took me the same amount of time to do any starting. I think it's because my head was hurting so much and on top of that my body couldn't adjust to the temperature drop in weather. But when the headache did let up and I did things, I felt good.

Day 2: Got slammed with palpitations this morning when realizing I forgot something significant when completing an important application yesterday. I knew there wasn't anything I could do but my body was already freaking out. After hours of being awake in bed in the dead of morning I finally started my day and took the supplements with my vitamins. Pretty quickly I cooled down, but now it feels like I'm underwhelmed by everything. This is good for my job that my heart rate isn't going haywire over every little thing, but I don't want to be void of reaction. Funny enough my muscle memory of fidgeting and rolling my eyes when something takes too long was prevalent although internally I didn't feel so distraught as I have been the past few months. I'm curious at whether or not this will subside as time goes on. Important note, I had a mild headache all day, not sure why.

Day 3: Morning repeated itself, where I throw myself into a panic in the dead of morning (over something I actually can't remember anymore) until I took the supplements after getting out of bed. I took even longer to get up this morning; sometimes my insomnia does the most but I wonder if the supplements have any part in it? No way to know. Not sure if my taking them a little later also stalled them actually working by the time I started my day. I felt less attentive and fidgeted a lot more, but I didn't have internal knots toward anything that would normally bother me. I did a half hour of yard work so I'm not sure if that helped my mood? I was a little tired because of it but afternoon coffee perked me up. For the most part, today didn't seem to have the effect I wanted with the supps, but the fact that I don't feel wired up is still a win in my book. Today actually felt the way I used to before any little thing would overwhelm me. That's good but it makes me wonder why I strayed from that to begin with and why drugs is what's making me come back. One trivial thing to report, while desk-working I usually fidget with my phone because I get so anxious and impatient and need a detour, but it didn't happen this time when I left the phone on my bed.

Day 4: This morning I'll say I slept restfully even though I was awake in bed at the usual early hours, I didn't have much of a panic attack as I normally did but it's hard to say if the most stressful tasks are over or the supplements are neutralizing me more. I have the day off so there's not much to document on. I did yard work again and now the rest of the day is just... hanging out. Worth noting, with a social thing I have to do monthly, I usually get knots leading up to it. But I realized I didn't get knots at all for it today. Not even just thinking about it. My brain simply took it as something on my to-do list, as it should.

Day 5: In some parts of the day it felt like the anxious side of me was trying to get out to indulge in its habits wholeheartedly; I wanted to fidget with my phone or withdraw when dealing with a familiarly stressful situation, but because I didn't FEEL stressed in my body at the usual amount, I just worked through it. Like a parent ignoring their toddler's tantrum. I did still do some leg bouncing or phone-browsing but it was hardly to the extent it usually would be. All that being said I don't like I was doing even a LITTLE more of my negative traits even though it wasn't debilitating. I hope that it doesn't get worse to where I'm back at square 1 despite the supps.

Day 6: I woke up pretty well-rested I think; I yawned but I didn't feel tired. I wonder if it's just suggested to eat with the supps, because I'm not hungry enough in the morning to try and eat. I did yardwork again and almost finished what I planned this whole week but then I saw maybe six wasps floating around after I pulled out a part of the brush. Since I don't have anything to repel them I'll have to admit defeat to finishing in the time I planned. That being said I think the supps really helped in me fulfilling as much as I did; usually I can get super anxious with starting something that I just won't do it at all or I'll heavily stall on it. It's like, the job itself is strenuous but I'm able to deal with it. The rest of the day I fidgeted some, but again it wasn't at the extent it normally is, I was still able to focus without being stressed or needing to withdraw. I'm very pleased just with the fact that my chest doesn't ache because of my ongoing anxiety! I'm willing to continue taking the supps just for that alone... after I finish the bottle I'll have to read into any long-term effects.

Day 7: Today's a Saturday and I'm tired, most likely because of my insomnia. Today will be a slow day. My body feels relaxed so it works out. Usually I'm all wired up because I keep thinking about things I'm "supposed" to do; but whether because it's not too significant in the end or because I'm medicated, I'm fine with how I feel today. This mellowness is very familiar but I also can't remember when I've felt this. I've missed it, I love it.

Day 8: Day started off pretty badly. I went to bed really late last night but I still woke up after 6 hours because of my body clock. On top of being exhausted and unable to get my energy up for anything, I had digestive problems that felt like blockage and I'm not 100% sure why. Hopefully it doesn't require me to stop the supplements. It goes without saying that the supps did little to nothing to help me work through that discomfort which pokes holes in consistency. The other half of the day I was out with relatives and I actually felt good, not tired at all. If the supps have to work with me moving around then I'm kind of doomed. I wanna be able to relax WITHOUT my brain going a million miles an hour. This day gets a grade C.

Day 9: Today was rough. I was really close to not taking the supplements because I felt blocked up again but then I was afraid that I'd feel worse if it was helping my mood. Turns out it did nothing to take them. I was fidgeting and getting anxious and irritable for little to no reason all over again. I felt awful and I couldn't bounce back like I had been for the past week. I can only assume that my body got used to the supps that they don't work anymore, which has happened before. I'll be taking a break from them tomorrow to see if it fixes anything. It sucks so bad. Today is a grade C-.

Day 10: Day of usual mannerisms without the supplements. I fidgeted a lot and bounced my leg for hours while working. Blood pressure predictably went up when dealing with a stressful situation and I couldn't come down for hours. I didn't withdraw myself as much as I normally do but I wanted to. My digestive issues seem to have gone away, but there's no telling if holding off on the supps actually helped. I'll go back on them tomorrow, and hopefully I'll fare better than today. I didn't think my anxiety effected me this much. I want to mellow out again so bad...

Day 11: Morning started with irrational anxiety in the early hours. I took the supplements but it didn't seem to help as much as it did when I started. I fidgeted a lot and my leg bounced like crazy and I couldn't stop for more than a minute even though it was sore. I was easily irritated and it got to my gut a few times. That being said my gut did feel more calm than the rest of my body. I'm not sure what that means. I'm trying to think rationally about how my day went, if I'm thinking the supps worked somewhat or if I was in a rare middle ground between my ADHD symptoms and actually being zen. I'm going to take another break from them tomorrow.

Day 12: A VERY trash day. I wasn't feeling great to begin with because I made myself mad about something having been wide awake at 4 in the morning and going down a rabbit hole of things that made me upset. But the day went on even worse with everything putting me on edge. I had to keep my composure multiple times and didn't have the time to step away to burn off the pent-up stress. My insides hurt from the anxiety, I couldn't keep my phone down for a minute because I kept getting impatient, and withdrew myself multiple times when I lost interest in the phone. I was in fight mode the entire day and I felt horrible, I even relapsed I was so stressed. My morning set the rest of the day's faults into motion, but I feel like I had the same type of day last week when I was taking the supps; last week I didn't have it in me to care because I was so relaxed. I'm sure the supps could have saved me. Hopefully they save me tomorrow.

Day 13: Took the supps again and I was only half as wired as yesterday. I fidgeted and bounced my leg as much as yesterday. But even if I got aggravated and withdrew myself from things, my insides weren't turning this time. So I felt overall the same except there wasn't pain, just distraction.

Day 14: Took the supps a few hours later than usual. Since it's the weekend there's not much to report because I'm not interacting with anyone/anything.

Day 15: I didn't take the supplements because I woke up late in the day and I was preoccupied playing a video game for hours on end.

Day 16: Took the supplements in the morning. Lots of leg bouncing and messing with my phone when I was losing focus with the main task. There were a few rather irritating moments but I was able to find my center again pretty quickly. Not too much internal pain that also couldn't be resolved quickly.

Day 17: A little better for focusing but the day itself gave me a pretty good break. Otherwise, same as yesterday.

Day 18: Didn't take the supps because I had a dentist appointment and just forgot, how ironic. I also figured that since half of my day wouldn't be for work, which is why I'm taking supps in the first place, I'd hold off anyway. That being said I really do think they're tied to my digestive system, for the worse. Skipping days is kind of the only solution for my body to function like it has to. Also whether it was because I only spent half the day at work or maybe the pace of work was just low-maintenance enough, I felt pretty calm. I even had a client accusing me of giving attitude just because I wouldn't change my answer or underwhelmed tone to something she liked and I didn't even have an internal reaction to it like I normally would; like I would usually feel guilty for "making" someone think that way of me even if I was in the right, so that was pretty good. I think I still had a lot of leg bouncing tho.

Day 18: Took the supps, same vibe as day 16. I tried doing yardwork and I was able to see the wasp nest, it nearly looks like a leaf!! I hope I have the strength tomorrow morning to douse them in the soap water so I can finally finish the brush. I have to mow the lawn this weekend.

Day 19: Didn't take the supps today to avoid possible digestion issues, but now I'm wondering if I'm just not eating enough lately? It's hard to say, especially right now because my teeth hurt from my recent ortho visit so I'm eating little already. I finally did more yard work after throwing soap water on the wasps. Going off topic for a minute I low-key feel bad I had to end them; they were smack dab in the middle of the brush before I started cutting it down (which is miraculous that I was able to do as much as I did without getting stung), and it was made of all different plants and smilax practically making a fortress around their leaf-sized nest. But that's how life goes. Back on topic I had a really hard time focusing on work, all the usual habits at max operation which I wasn't proud of but at least I didn't get the painful anxiety like I usually would, I just didn't want to be where I was so kept having to redirect myself. It'd be nice to think that with the supps curbing my anxiety so many times that my body doesn't remember to react with it. Even with this morning when my sibling got distraught that her day program was cancelled I didn't blame myself over what I couldn't control like I usually do (that part could just be me in a better environment but it's worth noting to look back on). I'll rate today a C+

Day 20: Insomnia did its thing and I dozed in and out of sleep so took the supps late morning. This has nothing to do with the supps, but it was good cloudy weather to motivate me and finally finish taking out the brush in my yard, I'm so glad it's over. But it looks like the holy trinity of poison plants had been thriving, which explains the rash I got before and hopefully I didn't get it on me again. Looks like I did it for a better reason than just getting rid of the overgrowth. Now I'll get to focus on just mowing the lawn tomorrow which should also be in cloudy weather. Back to topic it's another weekend so not much to report. I'll say that in my hours of wrestling with sleep I was feeling on edge the way I do when I'm impatient, I think if I held off on taking the supps today despite being the weekend I'd find too many things to be aggravated about since the feeling started so early. Whether or not that would actually happen there are more pros for me to take them if it means calming my nerves.

Day 21: Didn't take the supps because I mowed the lawn first thing in the morning. I didn't eat or drink so it was pretty hard on me, I hate cutting grass. I was too physically exhausted after finishing, so everything in my day was done slowly and taking supps felt pointless because of it. Hard to say how I honestly feel mentally being "off-meds" but I guess there is one point to make; I got a phone call with news that irritated me because I don't like the person but I didn't get too enraged about it. And right when I say that- I get another phone call from the same caller and now I'm low-key enraged. The only thing that's saving me is that they're not calling to spout BS again. But boy is it hard for me to think critically right now I'm fuming. Guess it's just a day where stuff happened and it ended on a sour note...

Day 22: I took the supps a little later today just to see if it would help me with my digestion issues. I really can't tell. I started cramping today so everything feels painful regardless of what's going on, no better no worse. My reaction to inconvenient things hasn't been too bad, but again my cramps sort of evens out any other pain I could feel. At least it was manageable.

Day 23: Didn't take supps because the cramps got worse, as they do by the second day. I tend to fast with sips of coffee to be on the safe side. I couldn't tell if my day was worse without the supps because my cramps already make the day. I did fidget a bit and had to mess with my phone and spaced out, but as usual I'm more interested in my nerves not going haywire. I'm not sure how many of the supplements I have left but it seems they're inconsistent for me. I'll still take them as a potential mood stabilizer, I love not being on edge all the time.

Day 24: Took supps a few hours after waking up to give my digestive system a chance to function normally. I made a good call, but it made me wonder if it "functioning" is tied to my stress levels because that's what it felt like this morning particular; I made plans to get my car battery checked out and made myself nervous that something bad would happen while I was away- all of a sudden I'm going to the bathroom multiple times. That being said I don't feel all too different after the supps. I waited on a phone call that never happened and I hate phone calls so that sucked too. I got ice cream though.

Day 25: Second time taking supps later in the morning, it worked well again. I'll keep it up, even though it means I'm more at risk in forgetting since I'm not doing it first thing.

Day 26: Same as yesterday. Personal note, I got a horrendous headache after making and eating tortellini and nothing's helping it go away. Maybe it was too much dairy because I drank milk with it? I hope nothing's developing.

Day 27: Headache from yesterday took half of today to finally leave. I completely forgot to take the supplements. I'm sure there was correlation between that and my depressive mood after a phone call from relatives made me feel self-conscious. The mood got to a point that I wasn't willing to do anything, even taking the supplements to try and turn it all around.

Day 28: Took supps today, I also ate more of the leftover tortellini and a headache is forming. I didn't even eat that much of it. It's too bad because that alfredo sauce recipe was really good. Might be too much dairy- or maybe it's just the ricotta? Later I was in a pretty bad mood because of my Ndad aggravating me. It was rough having to control my anger as much as I did, I'm sure it would have been way worse if I didn't take the supps.

Day 29: Bad mood from yesterday carried over and made me feel pretty foul prior to starting my day. I took the supps first thing when waking up because I was already getting so angry at the world and naturally I was backed up because of it. Once again I had to work hard to control my anger, but it worked out pretty well when I eventually cooled off. That wouldn't have happened if I didn't have the supps to control my nerves, it saved me from getting stressed me out even more. The day itself was also pretty good, I give it an A.

Day 30: Didn't take supps because I took them so early yesterday. Day was good, I was hardly moody unlike yesterday. I even woke up with energy. Watching out for that one.

Day 31: Day was tough because I couldn't focus despite the supplements- but at this point I've established I'm taking them for my anxiety so it's not new. I'm sure it was the day itself just not working with me, at least I was pretty calm about it, just very uninterested. Unrelated, I learned the hard way what happens when you eat half an overripe avocado; partially related, the pain of it made my lack of focus worse. Not having the best luck with food lately! That's it, I'm ordering a pizza tomorrow...

Day 32: I ordered the pizza and it was good. No digestion problems on that front, while I took my supps at the usual late-morning. I felt tired out by the end of the workday, and it turns out my coworkers got a lot taken out of them this week too. So that makes me feel better with how little I've been able to focus, it's really has been because of the work environment. I do genuinely believe the supps made the day better, even if the day itself was crappy. This may be the most personal entry I've written. That would probably be the case for the next five days that remain for my batch of bacopa. Spoiler alert I have another but one more week would conclude the daily logs.

Day 33: No supplements because weekend and no events.

Day 34: No supplements because weekend and no events.

Day 35: Day started good, I wasn't even tired when I woke up. I took the supps later in the day, usual mannerisms but no anxiety internally.

Day 36: Self-sabotaged myself because I went to bed at midnight because I was so awake for some reason. Spent the day really tired so I kept off from the supps since they make me tired. Day was I guess alright despite that, I guess (too tired to think of all aspects).

Day 37: Forgot to take sups on my day off. Day went fine.

Day 38: Took supps because I knew I would be stressed by an uninvited guest. The encounter wasn't too aggravating but still annoying. Didn't focus on anything important to me because they were such an elephant to the very end. I was already thinking how much of my day they stole but I wasn't too up in arms about it internally.

Day 39: Writing this days later. Can't remember for the life of me if I took the supps or not. I want to say yes...

Day 40: Took supps but nothing big happened to report any effect, because it's the weekend.

Day 41: Woke up later in the morning, got sucked in to a video game. Didn't take the supps.

Day 42: Didn't take supps because I didn't have my usual morning bathroom movements and wanted to wait it out- took all day before anything finally happened but then the day was over. Day was fine though, but I did want to take them. I was pretty tired anyway because of sleep debt from the past few days so it's probably meant to be.

Day 43: Took supps first thing in the morning rather than waiting like I usually do, didn't seem to effect my digestion much so that's good. Felt impatient throughout work and even irritated although my performance was better. Worth noting that I didn't have the internal pain despite feeling pissy, can't tell how often I'm without when I'm on the supps.

Day 44: Didn't take any because I forgot. Day was okay-ish despite that. I underperformed at work a little compared to yesterday because I was more relaxed. I don't think that correlates with me not being medicated.

Day 45: Average day with the supps. Didn't focus at all because I was preoccupied with how my day wasn't going my way. Supps might have helped in keeping me from being too preoccupied with the day.

Finished bottle- with one pill left over.

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

[just-some-moss-and-bones]

tw: rant, sleep disorder, mention of self harm, swearing, all caps.

you know when you randomly wake up at 3 am because of some random sleep disorder you probably have. and you just know your not going to get any more sleep after that .

like wtf am I supposed to do. just not be asleep until 5 but then , uh oh it's now too late to sleep might as well get up.

it's not even like this is a normal thing for me. it used to be the other way around, like I wouldn't sleep until 5 in the morning then sleep past midday.

but for the last 2 nights I got to sleep fine at about 10:30 /11:00 (that's really early for me)

like at least if I was still not sleeping at the right time it was at least for long enough but now I don't even know what to do

add my probable ADHD the mix and I can't even 'just rest' like my mum tells me to do cause I have to do something otherwise it's just painfully boring. and that usually means I'm on my phone seeing as my stupid fucking brain can't think of anything else to fucking do!.

like logically I know what I have to do like not on my phone and make sure I have a nice comfortable bed or space to be. if I need to do something get up and do it not in my bed. but brains not working properly so that doesn't happen.

having my mum in my room used to help but now it doesn't cause I get anxiety over the fact that I'm keeping her awake and then I just end up crying for hours👍.

I can't take sleep pills or something like that because I'm scared that it will somehow affect my brain to make it even worse than it already is (stupid ik but that's my brain for you).

I can't get up and sleep in a different place that, doesn't make a difference (I've tried many times)

I usually just resort to watching YouTube or violently crying so I don't end up throwing things or hurting myself.

plus the fact that it's genuinely affecting my normal life so much. I haven't been in a full day of school for literally weeks. I've missed all my mock exams and I'll probably miss all the catch-up ones as well. literally the only time I'm going in is for drama lessons because if I'm not in I'm effecting 3 other people in the group.

I think school is part of the reason I can't sleep because it just causes me so much dread to even think about being in school even though when I do go In it's not even that bad.

I get anxious in the evening about school the next day and about trying to get to sleep and failing for hours, then when I'm trying to sleep I work myself up with worry about school and how that will effect my wider life after I leave school. then I cry for a few hours, watch YouTube and maybe occasionally sleep.

at least that was the routine. bur now it's completely switched itself around and I'm sleeping from 10pm till 3am and then I just end up sleeping through the day .(I slept from 9am till 3pm today👍)

I'm failing every subject but art and history (and mayby drama) but the schools not going to know that because I'm not in for any of the fucking tests.

I don't even know what I can do to even try to start making a difference

I'm full of anger at the world. full of rage at myself for not being able to just be a normal functioning human being. I feel like I need to just shout or punch something but I don't want to hurt myself so o don't know what to do. if it's not either of those im just full of unmoving cripleing despair. is this what depression is like idek it just feel so hopeless and doing anything just feels pointless

it feels like a east of time to go to sleep just to have to wake up the next day and then go to sleep again at night .

my brain just tells me to do one or the other and then I end up doing both in a really fucked up time scale.

at least when I had that routine I knew what was happening and I could prepare (that's probably the autism).

and now it's gone half 4 in the morning and I'm still not even FUCKING TIRED just exhausted.

there's probably more I could write but I can't be bothered rn. I might talk to my counselor about this and I'll update if I get anything helpful but in the meantime bye.

(sorry this wasn't supposed to be that long. if you have read all the way to here have you got any advice? (don't worry if not))

I genuinely don't know what to do.

can anyone help? please?

[gummy-dummy]

Hi everyone! This is my first fic on Tumblr, it's just here, for now, I'm excited and kinda nervous too, my native language it's Spanish and I'm trying to be better at English so sorry for the grammars mistakes, I hope you like it, dear reader.

Warnings: Probably bad grammar or mistakes, swearing, mention of knives, mentions of death, kinda cute, kinda soft, confused Dabi, he doesn't know but he a softie.

It was pretty late when Shoto and I started doing our night patrol, it had been 3 months since we graduated from the UA in the hero course, the first 4 of the class were invited to work at Endeavor’s agency, Deku, Dynamight, Shoto and me, Artemis. We were the new pro-heroes with the biggest expectation from the public.

Endeavor wasn't the best at talking but I trust him, also thanks to him I don't have to worry about rent, the agency offered departments near the agency, and the rooms in the agency’s building were comfortable enough, usually, the new group was Split into two for patrol, Deku always had to go with Dynamght, he was the only one who can keep up with Bakugo’s shit, Shoto and me, we already were pretty Good Friends, I even can say we are each other’s confidant, it was a pretty nice night shift together, the absence of noise and people (and Bakugo’s shit), made it go smoothly as always. We are used to talking about everything, in the streets we could say anything, and no one more than us knew what secrets lay between us. There were secrets that Shoto didn’t want his father to know, not that he cares, but just to protect the people that he loved.

The current number one hero thought that the friendship we share will eventually become a love story, but oh boy, little did he know. Shoto had romantic feelings for another hero, I am pretty much the only person that Shoto has physical contact with, hugs and rest on each other shoulders, that's why his dad thinks of us that way. I don’t have family near where we are but the Todoroki family accepted me as one of their own since Endeavor thinks that I and Shoto are together we had to explain to Shoto’s siblings and Mom that he was in love with someone else, they didn’t care at all.

Suddenly the cold wind of the night started to get weird, making the residual trash of the city blow roll in the air, we both started to run there to know what was happening, at the moment we got close enough a black and purple substance started emerging from nowhere, it was a warp, the kind that the League of Villains has Access to, Shigaraki Tomura came out first, being followed by the tall, half-burned popcorn (as Shoto and I like to call him) Dabi, Toga right behind them with other 3 members.

I summoned my light arrows on my bow, I shoot an arrow at the leader and the tall man with black hair just disintegrates it with his blue fire. Like it was nothing.‘What are you doing here?’ Shoto asked the team of villains, Shigaraki just started to laugh ‘We came to get some groceries, what the fuck he is trying to do? Distract us?

I just rolled my eyes and said ‘Yeah well, here, you have something to add to your list I quickly prepared my bow with a new arrow, this time a stronger one, that can’t be destroyed so easily. The amount of power that this one has, with the purple hue and the energy that makes everything feel like an earthquake made the leader of the team look at it with fear in his eyes, Dabi tried to take it with his fire, but nothing happened, the arrow just started to follow all of Shigaraki’s moves, so again the man in front of him tried to catch it with his bare hands, oh what an error was that. The indentation that my arrow left on his right hand wouldn’t heal properly at all, not till I gave the order to my arrow to disappear in the wind.

Dabi just looks at me, while the others started to attack us he just stayed on the side, watching every move I make, (with) Shoto work pretty well with each other, we know our quirks and how to enhance each other's quirks.

There was a lady that appears to be new into the league, I never saw her before, she started to shoot mini grenades from her hand, making me jump to the side to avoid it, one laid between my feet, I didn't notice it until it hit me if that thing blows I die.

I'm going to die here.

The last thing I heard was a scream, Shoto screaming my real name, and then... darkness.

The next thing I know is that I'm in a completely white room, very small, I'm chained to one of the sides of a small bed, being forced to stay seated on the cold floor, if I am in one of the League facilities why they want me here? the murder of a new pro-hero would be an accomplishment by the league, why don't make it while I sleep? it would be something to make all the world feel unsafe, make all the heroes feel in danger. I hear the noise of the door opening, someone calls my name.

Dabi, that jerk, wait he was the one that saved me, at the moment the grenade exploded he just took my arm and yanked me out of the way, and took me in the warp with him.

"Hey Hawkeye!", he looked different than the night of the attack, just with his t-shirt and trousers, not his usual jacket, he looks more laid back than when fighting. He started to look preoccupied while I think how to escape, I'm not responding to him.

"Shit, no, did they do something while I was gone? Hey look at me, can you hear me? oh, these little shits are going to pay, I told them not to touch you" I just roll my eyes and say "What the fuck do you want from me you extra crispy fried ass?" he just stares at me confused for a couple of seconds and says "I'm not- Hey don't talk to me like that I'm your savior, remember? maybe I would let them do things to you, maybe I could take this food and let you starve".

He has a plate in a hand and glass with what appears to be fruit juice on the other. "Why would you feed me? do you know that keeps me alive, right? why didn't you kill me already?" I'm really confused, isn't better to kill someone while they're asleep, or this mother fucker want's to torture me. "That's because I don't want to kill you, dummy hero". Then why did he bring me here? what is the league planning to do to me? so I ask what the league wants from me.

"What makes you think there's a plan behind this?"

"Why else would a fucking villain kidnap a pro-hero if not to use them for something?"

"Well, there's nothing behind this, no one knows why I have you here actually I don't even know why I did it, but you were going to die and I just acted"- oh he should let me die, I'm gonna kick his pretty face when I get the chance.

"What do you want? you know it was going to be easier to kill me while I was unconscious, right?"

"Why do you keep telling me to kill you?"

"This is why"- there's a thing that not a lot of people know about my quirk, the bow, and the arrows are just a form I use it to be more precise, that doesn't mean that's the only thing it does.

With my both hands tied I conjured a little of my energy to make a knife to set me free, I break the cloth that keeps me hand-tied to the bed, throwing a punch at his face, he doesn't move I'm trying to get Dabi down but he is just there, he is not moving or trying to attack me at all, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Hey what the fuck, why don't you attack me? aren't you afraid that I'm going to beat your ass?"- He looks like he is in pain but doesn't fight back.

"I know you could," he says with a sad smirk, what's happening here? by a couple of times, I saw him before he never acted this way.

"Can you please just calm down, let me talk, and I'll let you go if you want"

I intertwined my eyes with him, a beautiful blue, exactly the color of his flames, I don't know why, but I want to hear what he has to say, he looks so sad, but also a little surprised when I sit at the small bed. It looks like he never thought I actually would hear his reasons.

He kicks gently the plate with the food by the side and sits on the little makeshift bed, the bed is so small that we can't avoid our knees touching, he doesn't try to tie my hands again, I could conjure a big weapon, maybe just a simple bat and then scape, I know I can win, so why am I anxious to hear him? he looks at me a couple of seconds, lets out a loud breath, and starts talking.

"Well, when you attacked me, I caught one of your arrows right?" he looks at me and I nodded "Look" he shows me his left hand, inviting me to take his hand on mine.

It's rough, more than calloused, the years of him using his quirk took a lot out of his hands, they were burned, when I touched him I thought it would hurt, but he just opened his eyes a little more in surprise and looked at me again.

"Ok you have your hands burned, what about it? it's your quirk right?" he lets out a little smile that if I wasn't looking at him this close probably would have missed it. "Yeah they're burned, I don't have feeling on them, even if I take something with force or catch anything, can't feel it."

I'm starting to understand what's happening here, but I want him to tell me anyways "Yesterday, when you shot your arrow when I caught it I-"why does he look so nervous? "I felt it, I felt the pain of the arrow, and I felt you, well, your quirk, whatever it is, I just felt your touch"

What I am supposed to say about that?- "I'm sorry?" I say confused "No no it's okay I just want to know how you did it" I don't know why I have the desire to touch him again, I need to help him, he is a villain, a cute one if I say so myself but a villain nonetheless. A villain very dangerous that just wants the world to burn, but look so lost, with the same face you see on a lost child on a Mall

"I don't know, my quirk it's just based on energy, I don't know where it comes from, It just appears when I want to and takes the form I need, I used to lost control over it a lot," I say while moving my fingers letting the violet ribbons go around my hand "Now I can control it using it as weapons, the one that makes me feel more comfortable is the bow and arrow, that way I can control it a little more, but I pretty much can conjure anything" He nodded and looks at my hand.

I show him again, letting a little ball of my energy dance between my fingers and let it go, I made it stay in one of his hands, he started playing with it, like a child with a new toy that was waiting to get for Christmas day, a smile started to appear on his face, not a cruel one, that he usually used, this one was of happiness, he looks handsome, the scars on his face makes him feel unique. I'm not sure what I'm doing till I come back to my senses, I'm catching his face between my hands, he just looks at me surprised.

I run my thumbs right below his eyes, he leans into the touch and closes his blue eyes.

"You know that I can attack you now and escape right?" "I know, but you don't want to do that, I am right?"

He is, he is sure about it and I am too, but why? he probably has me here to lend information about heroes, but he isn't asking anything about it.

"No, I don't want to, why? did you get me drugged or something?" I say smiling at him for the first time "No, Toga tried to get a little bit of your blood but every time she wanted to get a needle into your skin, a purple energy, your energy, surrounded you, Shigaraki wanted to use real knives but I- I didn't let them hurt you, I didn't want them to hurt you".

And to end: this is the first chapter, it's gonna be probably 2 o 3 chapters, I'll probably add some warnings if needed.

Love

Gummy.

[undercoverclover]

Welcome To Wonderland

Part 1

Genre: Mentions of death, Fluff, Angst... 

Word Count: Part 1 & 2 6.8K

Pairing? Red King & Alice 

-My twist on Alice In Wonderland for the Tell A Fairytale event by @acewriters!-

Laying in the sun under the giant oak tree, feeling the sun warm my face, I set the book down and look around. The late summer breeze blew my hair around my face causing some of my hair to go in my mouth. I tie some of it back in a loose ponytail and pick my book back up. Midday was always my favorite time to come outside and read.

Getting lost in the pages, I read until I feel my eyelids droop.

“I’m late, oh gosh. Why am I so late on this really important date?” I hear someone say and I wake up startled. It was just me, my friends had left for the day and weren’t supposed to be back until tonight… Nobody else was here.

“Stupid watch, why are you not working properly? You are why I am so late!” I hear this time louder. I get up and peek around the tree. There’s a man with dark green hair, wearing a white button up shirt, black slacks and white nikes. He was walking almost jogging and kept glancing at a watch and shaking it. Does he think that’s going to make it work better?

I’d never seen him before, but maybe he’s cutting through our yard to get somewhere.

“Excuse me, sir?” I call. His head swivels around and his light brown eyes meet mine as he comes to a halt, “Yes? Can I help you?” He replies hastily.

“Are you lost? Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

“Yes, I am well aware of where I am. Thank you for asking. Now, I must go. I am very very late for something and it’s really important.” He starts walking again and disappears in the woods near my house.

“Curiouser and curiouser.” I say to myself. I walk towards where the man went and try to see if he’s within eyesight. Stepping on something hard, I look down. The man had dropped something. I bent down to pick it up… It’s a pendant! ‘To Rabbit.’ the back said. I quickly look up to see if I see him. I don’t see him though, but I need to give this back to him. I put the pendant in my pocket and stare in.

Even though I’m nervous he’s crazy, I start heading into the trees where I thought he went in. Staring and not seeing the man, I began walking.

“Hello?” I yell as I walk. “Sir? Are you here? Hello?”

Walking deeper into the trees, I notice him really far ahead. “Sir! Wait!” I yell, but he doesn’t hear me. I begin jogging but lose sight of him. I continue towards where I saw him last and notices the canopy overhead is getting darker. I can barely see now so I grab my phone out of my pocket and turn on the flashlight. Looking ahead, I notice a dark wood door a few feet away on the side of an enormous oak. It looked like it had seen better days. The door itself had scratches on it and the knob was beyond rusted.

“What’s this?” I walk up to it and hear the man speaking to someone on the other side. How in the world is this possible? I’m going mad!

Just as I’m about to yell for the man, I hear his footsteps jogging away.

“Oh fudge!” I turn the doorknob and it won’t open. I try again frantically, but push on it this time as hard as I can. It reluctantly opens with a loud groan. I thought it was going to fall off its hinges. Opening the door it’s lighter, like I didn’t just walk into the side of a tree that was cloaked in darkness..

What is going on? Where am I?

I turn off my flashlight and notice a path that continues for who knows how long.

I hear voices and duck down to hide behind a shrub. I don’t really want to find out if they’re like the man since he seemed weird enough. For all I know, I have evil forest people living near my house.

Peeking between the branches, I see twin teenage boys standing off to the right, seemingly in conversation. That is, until you hear their conversation…

“Let’s go find the caterpillar guy.” one says.

“No, he always smells like smoke.”

“That’s because he always has his pipe with him and smoking it, smart one.”

“Like you pay that much attention.” The teens get into it and start wrestling with each other. I take that as an opening and sneak away. Getting clear, I continue on the path.

I guess all of the people I find here will be crazy.

I walk, noticing little animals here and there. Most of the time it was quiet.

“Oh great. Now I’m even later. I swear after this I am buying a brand new pocket watch.” I hear in a familiar voice.

“Hello?” I say, hearing the man I’d previously lost.

“Can’t talk right now. Must hurry! I’m so so late.” He says, finally coming into sight. As quick as he was in my sight, he was gone again down the path. I, once again for an unknown reason, try to follow him. I had no idea where he went but I guessed down the path so I took off that way. Coming to a halt, I’m in a dilemma. The path splits off into a few directions….

Attempting to figure out where to go, I grumble to myself.

“Where’re you goin’?” I hear from above.

I look up, startled and notice a man sitting on a branch in the tree, “Honestly? I haven’t got a clue. I’m following the strange man with the green hair, did you see which way he went? Which way should I go?”

Taking a look at the man, he was quite handsome. He had black curly hair and brown eyes.

He seemed cat-like to be honest. I don’t know why, there was just something about him along with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“I’m not sure, maybe you should ask the Mad Hatter and March Hare.” He smirks at me, nodding in the direction.

“Mad? But, I don’t want to go around people you call Mad....”

“Oh, you can’t help that. Almost everyone here is mad. I’m not exactly sane myself.”

“Is anyone really completely sane?” I ask.

“That’s a good question. You’ll just have to search and find out for yourself.” He swings down from the branch and turns towards me, “See you later.” He smiles at me, canines showing and leaving a lasting image in my mind as he takes off into the forest.

"Wait!" I yell towards the retreating man. I look to the direction he showed me earlier and sigh. I guess that leaves me meeting the Mad Hatter…

I start walking, unsure if I should continue or turn back. Looking ahead, the feeling in my stomach told me to go on, but my head was telling me I was insane and I should turn around and go home.

A few feet up, there's a brush pile that blocks the way and looks insanely hard to get around. Knowing it's either that or going back, I stop at it and look back.

"Hmmm. It doesn't look very thick. Maybe I can push my way through?" I say to myself.

Grabbing two branches, I pull out to try to move it and the whole thing opens like a door.

"This just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser."

Walking through I hear laughing, singing and teacups clattering. I smile because it sounds like they're having a great time. Walking ahead, sure I'll find someone to ask about the man with the pocket watch, I come across a small house, covered in different fabrics and colors.

Outside, there were 2 men sitting at a long fancy table that could hold at least 10 people. I guess the table wouldn't fit inside. The table was filled with different types of teapots, teacups, snacks and a cake. They sat there laughing and pouring tea into different cups.

The man on the left, I'm assuming the Mad Hatter, had blonde and pale red hair. It was curly but most was underneath a black beanie that had two cheetah print ribbons hanging from the back. He wore a green puffy jacket and white pants that looked like it had smoky patterns.

The man on the right, which in turn would be the March Hare? He had normal hair, black but a red beret on. He wore a blue, pink, and white tie-dyed hoodie with overalls. As he laughed I noticed the sun shining on his face glistened at certain angles, he has sparkles placed on there.

"No! No no no. I'm telling you, there's no way! Absolutely no way I would help him anymore! He drives me absolutely mad!" The mad hatter says.

"Drives you mad? You're already mad!" I look to the hare and he starts laughing at his own joke. The mad hatter takes his shoe off and throws it towards the other man. Barely missing him but hitting the teapot and breaking it, making them both laugh now. "Well, there goes that one!" The hatter laughs.

At that second, the March Hare looks over and spots me, dropping his smile. I stand there frozen, nervous of how they will react.

"WELCOME! WELCOME! Come! Come sit down." He smiles again, motioning me forward.

"Oh look, a guest!" The Mad Hatter says, clapping excitedly. I walk closer, trying to be ready in case I need to make a run for it. I take the seat closest to the way I came, "Hello. Sorry to bother-"

"No no. Don't worry you're not bothering us. Do you want some tea?" The March Hare says as he waves his hand in the air to dismiss my statement.

“Yes, I’d really like some. Thank you.”

“So, tell us. Who are you?” I hear from March Hare. I wonder why they call him that? He pours me some tea and I take it from him, nodding in thanks.

“I’m Ali.” I say and take a sip.

“Well, Ali, what brings you here to this area in Wonderland?” The Mad Hatter asks.

So I’m in Wonderland? That’s a rather curious name. I wonder why they call it that.

“I was following a man that came into my yard, he dropped something and I wanted to return it.”

“Oh?” They say in unison and look at each other.

“And what did this man look like? What did he drop?” He asks next.

“He dropped a pendant. It said ‘To Rabbit’ on it. So I assumed it was a gift and he wouldn’t want to lose it.”

“Ah. So he was out this way! I thought I’d heard him!”

“We could have stopped him then! He’s probably on his way to the King’s! We should have warned him!” The Hare said slightly panicking.

“We could have. But, he didn’t stop to say hello this time. Not like he normally does, so he must have been running behind on his normal routine.” The hatter stands up and starts pacing, speaking incredibly fast.

“We must find him. Maybe we can warn him before! Maybe the cat can warn him! Ah hah!” He says getting anxious and excited clapping.

“Excuse me? What do you mean? Warn him about what? He kept saying he was late.”

“Oh, oh dear Ali, the king wants his head of course!” He laughs causing goosebumps on my arms.

“Why would he want that?” I exclaim. “Why, my dear do you know nothing? The Rabbit did something no other has done and the Red King called him a traitor! The Rabbit has no idea the king wants to behead him. The Rabbit allowed a-” His eyes go wide staring at me. He looks me up and down and gasps.

“Oh dear. Oh no. Oh no no no.” He repeats. He looks over to the other man and motions to me with his head. The other man’s eyes look to me and he clasps his hand over his mouth. They scramble up next to each other delving into a conversation I couldn’t hear. They each took turns eyeing me, turning their head towards me every now and then.

Maybe they are crazy.

“Ali, are you from here?” The hare asks, looking anxious.

“I am not? Is that the issue?” I ask, trying to piece the puzzle together.

His eyes go wide and he nods.

“She’s not harmful Hatter. She’d have already done something if she were.” He says, still staring at me, seemingly looking through me.

“No? I wouldn’t harm anyone. I just wanted to return something the Rabbit dropped.”

The Hatter sits down with a wild look in his eye and begins to look at me like the Hare. “I think you’re right. Maybe we should tell her and send her on her way?”

The Hare nods and the Mad Hatter starts telling me about how this isn’t the first time that the Rabbit had let an outsider in. It’s not on purpose in any case but he’d been warned that if it were to happen again, he’d be sentenced to death. The sad look in his eye seemed genuine. He continued to say that the last time it was a little girl about 7 years old that had wandered in. . She had been found and the Red King, the prince at the time, had been giving her food and shelter until the queen found out. The Queen was furious. She wanted to kill her then, but the prince stopped her. She was instead marked with a heart shape on her wrist and thrown in a dungeon. The prince was beyond upset, he didn’t think she would make it. The next few nights he would sneak her food and apologize. She was freed as soon as we could and the Rabbit told the queen she’d died. She had left by way of the Rabbit and us, unbeknownst to anyone else and with the Hare’s luck, so the Red Queen wouldn’t take her head. The dreadful woman being who she was, told the prince that she’d beheaded her before he rose for the day and called us insane for trying to say otherwise! Evil witch! She banished us to the outer surroundings of Wonderland. The prince grew spiteful at his mother and us for allowing her to be beheaded, choosing to believe her. He turned cold, then becoming king after she passed, he claimed he’d never allow any other outsider to even so much as step foot into Wonderland or he’d kill them.” He sighs.

“He’s had his heart in pieces since that day. He was only 5, he knew no better, but to tell him that? And for him to hold onto it for that long? She meant something to him.” Hare dropped his head, patting his eyes with a tissue.

I felt a twinge of guilt in my heart and a tear slid down my cheek. I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes. “So the king wants to behead the Rabbit? For a mistake? Because someone, well because I found my way in?”

“No, because the Rabbit was careless not once, but twice now and the first time his best friend was taken away from him. This time he doesn’t want anyone from the outside world in here at all and will behead both of the ones who are in the wrong according to him.”

“But it wasn’t his fault! Nor was it yours! I wondered why they called you mad. Now, I understand. Wait,” I say, stopping as my thought process caught up, “are you saying that he knows that I’m in Wonderland now?”

“Yes.” They nod grimly, “you need to leave.”

“I can’t. I have to find the Rabbit. It’s not his fault! Either time it wasn’t his fault.” I had the sense of urgency to find the man with the green hair. I felt responsible. I rub my wrists and look at them.

“I’ll leave, just as soon as I go and explain that there’s a hole in his defensive tactics to keep outsiders out and that’s why I found my way in.”

They look at me like I’m insane, “I’m not going to let someone die for me. I’m going to save him.”

“He’s going to die, as will you if he finds you. It’s best if you just leave and never come back.” The hare says.

“I have to try. Help me?” I ask. They look to each other, communicating in some sort of way.

“As much as we want to, we can’t. The guards would get us before we even got close to the castle” The hatter says. I get up, thanking them for the tea and take off on the trail in the direction I’d been heading.

Walking, I feel nervous and shaky. I continue rubbing my wrist, feeling the heart shaped scar I’d wondered how I’d gotten when I was little. Now? Now I know a piece. I want to know more and I have to make things right.

It gets darker the further I walk and I grab my phone to use my flashlight. I have no idea what time it actually is, but I’ve been walking for a while now and was starting to get tired.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I hear in a familiar voice. I look around not noticing the man from earlier that day.

“Hello? Where are you?” I reply. The cat-like man, who the Mad Hatter called the Cheshire Cat oddly enough, stepped out from behind a tree, eyeing me carefully.

“I’m on my way to talk to the Red King.”

“Now, why would you do that? You have no business in this direction. Return to where you came from.”

“I will, once I’ve spoken to the Red King.”

He half smirks at me, showing one canine, “It’s a death sentence, Alice.”

“How do you know who I am?” I ask, wondering if he was listening to the tea party.

“I can be here,” he turns and points to a high tree branch, “or there. You’ll never see me, unless I want to be seen.”

“Good to know that you eavesdrop as well.” I begin walking and go around him. He grabs my arm, smiling and winks.

“Be careful what you say to him young Alice. He’s not the prince he was.” He turns and takes off into the trees, disappearing in seconds as the darkness envelops him.

“How- what just happened?” I stare off to where he had been. I had questions.

I continue on down the path and my flashlight shuts off. I scramble to turn it back before I get too anxious because I’m not a huge fan of being alone in the dark. I see something out of the corner of my eye and push the flashlight button. There stands two small bear cubs, eyeing me. They weren’t much but they looked sad. Their fur was severely matted and they were skinnier for an animal. Once I shined my flashlight more towards them, they ran. I start walking again and wonder how long I've been out here.

I see little animals scurrying across my path, some stop to look at me and I notice how they all look so sad. I want to hold them to be honest. I feel tears well up in my eyes because of the sights in front of me.

Just when I thought I was going to be out here forever, I notice stone walls in front of me.

“This must be the castle.” I say to myself.

“It is.” I hear behind me.

“Cheshire! You have got to quit sneaking up on me like that.” I say, placing my hand on my chest.

“Nevermind that. Leave, Alice. Do not worry about the Rabbit.”

“I will not leave and it’s not just for the Rabbit!” I exclaim.

“It’s for you too? After all these years? You’ve made it out of here once, I’m not sure they could do it again.”

“Cheshire? How do you know all of this? How do you know me?”

“I warned you. Don’t come this far. He’s not the prince you knew. He’s mad. Even more so than the rest of us.”

“I have no idea what’s going on. I can’t remember anything from then. Nothing. I have to know.”

“Then so be it. If you really must know, wait for the gates to open and the guards switch shifts in the tower. I hope for your sake, that you don’t get caught.”

Every time I’ve ran into him, he’s seemed crazy, but now I wonder.

“I hope you’re the one that can stop this mess. Or maybe you’ll be beheaded yourself.”

“I- I will try my best.”

The man turns around and darts off, jumping over the bushes and into the night. I walk to the other side of the bushes where he’d just jumped and lean against a tree. I drift off to sleep before I begin to dwell on what he had said.

I wake to the sound of a trumpet. It’s signaling something. It’s barely light outside but I can see. Looking around, I see the gates had opened and men were marching in and out. I see the last ones march in and I jump to rush in the gate. Looking around with no idea where to go and praying I don’t get caught, I see a maze of rose bushes. I run to them and hide in between walls.

The roses were a mix of red and white. Except, the red ones weren’t naturally red. They had a red liquid dripping off of them. I didn’t want to think what it could be. I’ll stick with thinking it’s paint to spare my mind.

“That’s all it is. He painted the roses red. Nothing else.” At that moment, I hear a man’s voice that sounds familiar. “I swear I didn’t mean to do this your majesty. Please forgive me! Please!”

“No! Silence! You’ve let someone in for a second time and you want to be forgiven again? How am I supposed to know that it wouldn’t happen for a third time, Rabbit?” I hear a man yelling. Is that the king?

I peak around the corner of the wall of roses, looking up to the side of the castle. There’s a huge platform covered in red and black tapestries with the man I wanted to save, bound in stocks. The executioner stood at the back while a man in a red button up military jacket and black pants spoke to the Rabbit. Many men, women and even some children stood below the platform to watch this man be sentenced to death. I don’t understand people.

“You did not pay for the last one, this time you will.” he said as he motioned for the executioner. I had to act fast.

[fangirlspammer]

Sparks Fly (part 5)

I'm not entirely happy with my writing in this chapter, so please bare with me🤧 this took longer than I wanted

Gif credit @regal-roni

6 weeks had come and gone since you had been suspended from NCIS, since you had refused to talk...since you kissed Jack. Since then you had apologized to Vance and agreed to talk to someone. Vance had suggested Agent Sloane, but you had been quick to request Dr. Grace instead. He hadn't questioned it, only agreed and informed you that Dr. Grace would determine when you could return to work. As frustrating as this whole situation had become you had agreed. The longer you were away from the team, the more anxious you became. 6 weeks was far too long to be away. Bishop and you had gotten drinks with Torres a few nights, but the case they were working on now was a big one and they hadn't really had time for social calls.

"Waiting on her to come out of that thing?" Travis' voice caused you to nearly jump off of the kitchen island.

You furrowed your brow and let go of the phone you had been staring at for the past ten minutes. "What?"

He shook his head with an amused smirk dancing on his lips. "Nevermind. You're popcorns done you know," he gestured towards the microwave and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl beside you. He watched you go back into your daydream and sighed. "You haven't heard from her have you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," it took all you had to hop off the counter and retrieve your popcorn from the microwave. You pouted when it was just barely warm now. You must have dazed off longer than you thought. "Besides, how would you know?"

Travis chuckled and rolled his eyes. "You won't stop staring at your phone, and you've been extra distracted," he shrugged and grabbed some frozen waffles from the freezer. "Besides, popcorn for breakfast? You must be distracted," you hated that he knew you so well.

"Well it's just the opposite. I have heard from her," you sighed and locked your phone for the third time in 60 seconds. You looked up to see him put the waffles in the toaster and hopped back on the island. "Sorry," you mumble when you realize that you came in here to do just that.

"Then what's the problem?"

You focused in on your fingers fiddling in front of you and shook your head slightly. Travis set a plate out and then took a step towards you. You swallowed. "I just don't know how to talk to her right now. I've been dodging her calls for 6 weeks," you looked up and ran your hands through your hair with frustration.

Travis reached over and stole a piece of popcorn, popping it into his mouth and gave a teasing smirk. "Well, I'm not sure how to help. You see, I myself am in a serious relationship now, and am no longer succumbed to the problems that come with the single life."

You rolled your eyes and kicked at his shin. "You really are an ass sometimes," you stuck your tongue out. In reality you were happy for Travis and Lydia. Things had finally worked out for them, it only took forever, but they were happy. Engaged even! You envied them.

"I think you need to suck it up and face her," he was serious now and you silently cursed him for throwing your own words back in your face. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Uhm, she could hear me??" You scoffed and crossed your arms.

"Oh come on, what's that pout for now? You're going to see her today regardless. You may as well make it less awkward," he shrugged.

"Because you're right," you muttered in annoyance, "and I hate it when you're right," you rolled your eyes and hopped off the island.

You walked over and grabbed your popcorn before heading for you room. You had a stash of M&Ms in there and you needed the privacy. Lydia would be over soon to talk about the wedding and you knew if you stayed she would pull you in, and you needed to talk to Jack as well as get ready for work. Just as you sat down at your desk your phone rang. How did she manage to do this?

"It's like you can sense my every move," you answered after the second ring. You tried to sound light hearted but you were nervous.

"I figured my 50th time had to be the winner," she retorted sarcastically.

You could hear the smile in her voice and your stomach did a flip. You frowned. This was exactly what you were avoiding. "I know, I know. I'm really sorry about that Jack," you sighed, running a hand through your hair.

"Are you coming in today? Vance said you had been given the all clear."

Did she sound hopeful? "I mean I may have to be persuaded. After all, I was sure hoping to get in one last week of lying in my pyjamas and eating my weight in take out and tubs of ice cream," you smirked. Falling back into this playful banter was easier than you thought, and that put you at ease.

"Hmm," she sighed. "It's not exactly ice cream, but what about coffee and a blueberry muffin? My treat," she offered.

You let out a dramatic sigh as you pretended to think about this offer. "Alright, I've be persuaded."

"Great! See you in 10?"

"See you then," you agreed and hung up the phone.

You jumped off the bed and raced around the room to find the perfect outift. You grabbed some black jeans, a green cashmere sweater, boots and your leather jacket. You tied up your hair in a high ponytail and quickly painted your face. As you rushed out of the room you nearly tripped over your go-bag and Travis snorted in amusement.

"Going somewhere?" He asked knowingly. "Thought you weren't due for another hour?"

"Change of plans," you huffed and tossed your bag over your shoulder. Just as you rushed out the door you ran into Lydia walking up the path. You said a quick hello and goodbye before jumping in your car. You hadn't realized how eager you were to let your guard down and face Jack. Maybe it wasn't facing her that you were eager for, maybe it was just seeing her again. Either way, you couldn't get there quick enough.

*

Jack sat in her usual booth in the back of the diner. She had already started her second cup of coffee and eaten part of her breakfast donut before you had even arrived. She tapped her fingers nervously while glancing out the window every few seconds. The only thing on her mind, when she had a free moment, was that kiss the two of you had shared. She just couldn't shake the feelings that surged inside of her when your lips touched. It was something she hadn't felt in a long time, but even still it was different. When she had pulled away it was only to make sure it was what you had wanted, but when you told her to leave it was all but confirmed that it wasn't what you wanted at all. She had tried calling and texting, but you never returned any of her messages.

That night had helped her see things for what they truly were, and seeing that hurt. When she had dropped by to meet you that first night, with that faulty story, she hadn't expected you to be... Well you. She hadn't expected to be invited for dinner, let alone stay in your home unsupervised. That there told her all that she needed to know about you. Once she got to know you her thoughts had been confirmed and this feeling in the back of her mind kept becoming more clear as time went on. These were feelings she had to keep bottled up, because from past experiences she knew getting involved with a co-worker was dangerous. San Diego had proven just that and she wouldn't put herself out there like that again. If you didn't want to talk about it then she was going to pretend like it never happened. It's what was best.

The bells rang as the diner door opened up and Jack couldn't help but look towards it eagerly. She gave a small smile as you walked over and took a seat. Her fingers tapped the side of her mug until she noticed you watching curiously, and realized that neither of you had said a word yet.

"You got here fast," she moved the coffee to her lips to busy herself.

"I was already prepared to ditch out any minute," you lied with a little chuckle.

"Oh?" Her brow arched curiously.

You shrugged. "Travis' fiance was coming over to talk wedding and I didn't really want to stick around."

"Travis is engaged?" She couldn't help but sound surprised.

"Oh that's right," you grinned. "I forgot you meet him when-" you stopped quickly when you remembered the kiss. You broke eye contact and looked to the glass of water in front of you. You cleared your throat and decided to bypass that conversation. "He got engaged three weeks later. They've known each other since grade school."

Jack gave a small smile when you carried on. By the way you avoided the conversation she figured you weren't going to acknowledge the kiss at all. It probably wasn't the best option, but it was the easiest for now. "Y/N," she started, but when you made eye contact she couldn't bring herself to carry on. "Don't forget to order. It's on me remember?"

You felt your shoulders relax and breathed out quietly in relief that she didn't carry on. You knew it couldn't be avoided forever, but you could try couldn't you? What was the use in getting all flustered and risking losing one of your closest friends? After you ordered, and the food came, you both began to relax and fall into easy conversation. You admitted how you were nervous about returning after your big scene, and Jack told you about the case they were currently working on.

"It's Gibbs," you confessed as the phone rang and quickly answered. "Hi boss," you greeted with a smile, but it vanished when he carried on about a body and hung up. "So much for that morning work out," you sighed, standing and grabbing your purse.

"Got a lead?" Jack asked curiously.

"Another dead body by the marina," you gave an apologetic look. "I'm sorry."

Jack shook her head and forced a smile. "Don't be. I'll catch up with you later on," she shrugged and waved you off with a smile. A part of her was relieved to see you go, only because it gave her that much time to figure out how to talk to you.

*

The moment you came back into the office things had been non-stop. First was the discovery of a body, and when you all arrived at the scene of the crime you were to discover that the male had been bludgeoned from behind. Secondly was the discovery that the male Lieutenant Cromwell, had a wife and a child that were now missing. As of now your suspect was the wife, and you had issued a BOLO on her.

"Coffee, anyone?" Jack entered the bullpen with a big, sympathetic smile on her face while carrying a tray of coffees for the team. She had gotten wind of the big case you all had been working on from Jimmy, and knew that this would be a long night for the team.

"God bless you, Agent Sloane," McGee accepted his steaming cup and took a long drink.

"You are an Angel," Bishop chimed in with a wide smile.

Jack just rolled her eyes and laughed. She turned to you and handed you your cup. "Sugar with a dash of coffee and cream," she smirked. The two of you shared the same order, and you both got teased for it often.

"She brings me my lifeline too?" You grinned, but immediately blushed and took a long said to hide it. You saw her eyes focus on you a little longer before her attention was turned to Gibbs as he cleared his throat.

"I didn't forget about you, Cowboy," she laughed and set his cup on the edge of his desk. "How's the case getting along?" Gibbs only grunted in response, so she looked to the rest of you for some sort of an answer. "Do you need any help?"

"Nope," Gibbs stated simply.

Just as Jack turned to go, McGee spoke up. "Actually, Y/N mentioned needing some," he admitted innocently.

"Oh, well, I think I've got it for now," you shook your head and forced a small smile. "I'll let you know though," you locked eyes for a moment before she nodded and slowly retreated. If the two of you were left alone you had a feeling that something would come of it, and you didn't need the distraction.

Just then Jimmy came into the bullpen out of breath. It was as though he had run all the way up here. "Gibbs!" He called out and the entire team looked to him. Gibbs greeted him with a glare. "Agent Gibbs... sir," he rambled on.

"Get to it, Jimmy."

"Right," Jimmy cleared his throat and looked down at the clipboard he held to his chest.  "It wasn't the wife," he began and paused, but Gibbs' stare told him that there was no more patience to be held.  "With closer observation, I noticed that the wounds were about 4 inches deep and towards the top of his skull.  Kasey and I were discussing it, and with the full description she was able to find on the wife, it couldn't have been her."

"Well, why not?" Gibbs barked.  He hadn't been in the greatest mood today.  Toress had made a comment to the team about Fornell coming in that morning, and so it was concluded his mood might have to do with Emily's drug problem.  No one knew for sure though, it was all just pure speculation.

"She was 5'4"," you spoke up, looking up from your paperwork.

"That's right, and the Lieutenant was 6'2", wasn't he?" Jack piped up this time.

"Exactly," Jimmy nodded and handed the clipboard to Gibbs to show the results of his investigation.  "Kasey did some digging on the wife, and it showed that Mrs. Randall had her last round of chemotherapy 4 months ago.  She wasn't tall enough to bludgeon the Lieutenant from that angle, and she wouldn't have been strong enough for the murder weapon to go that deep," he explained.

"So what does this mean?" McGee questioned fearfully.

"It means we have two missing people on our hands," you looked to the team and then went back to your desk to do some more research.  This night had gotten much longer.

*

For the rest of this week this case was your sole focus.  NCIS was sent a ransom note the day before last, and your team had been working hard to come up with the right plan all while trying to figure out a way to abide by the ransom.  Every night this week you had come home after midnight, completely exhausted, and you started all over at 7 am. With everything on your mind you had been able to get rid of the thoughts of your kiss with Jack.  The two of you had been busy enough that you didn't have to work to hard to avoid her when it wasn't case related, and you hadn't seen Travis enough for him to tease you about it.

You woke up at 5:30 am Friday morning, completely restless.  This case was only getting worse, and you wanted it to be over with.  If you couldn't get to Mrs. Randall and her daughter in time, you didn't think you would be okay.  The child was only 5 years old.  The thought of putting a child through something like this made you sick, and it had you questioning the humanity of these suspects and murderers that you saw day in and day out.  The only reason you survived this job was, because as much sickness you saw on a daily basis, you saw twice as much goodness when the cases were closed.  Even when a case didn't turn out the way you hoped, you told yourself that at least you were able to give their families closer.  It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep you going when you needed it the most.

As you got out of bed, you lazily made your way through your morning routine.  There was no use trying to get that extra hour of shut eye.  You made a fresh pot of coffee, threw a waffle in the toaster and went to hop in a quick, cold shower to wake you up.  Jack popped in your mind as you ran your hands through your hair.  You could still feel her lips on yours, the way that she had kissed back for a split second.  Your heart began to race and you let the cold water run over your face for awhile before turning off the shower. You stepped out and began to dry off and get dressed.  By the time you grabbed your breakfast and made it out of the house, Jack was the last thing on your mind once more.

You focused on the case the whole drive, and when you arrived at NCIS you realized that you were the first one on the team there.  The silence was killing you when you sat and tried to get some work done, and with a huff you stood up and made your way down to the gym.  You needed to clear your head and get a fresh perspective on everything. You tied up your hair and slipped on your gloves, standing ready at the punching bag.  It wasn't long before you were going at it, music in your ears, and you could feel your thoughts cleansing as the time went on.

"Thought I'd find you in here," a voice came from behind after awhile and you froze up a bit.  You didn't know how long you had been down here or how long she had been standing behind you at this point.

This was what you had been avoiding all week.  Once Ellie told you that Jack had been asking about you all day, you knew that it was only a matter of time before she found you.  Of course, you had assumed she had gone home hours ago, but apparently not.  Now you were trapped in the gym with her, and you didn't have an excuse to get out of it this time.

"Jack, I don't really have time to talk," you knew she wouldn't buy it.  She didn't answer and you stopped hitting the punching bag to look behind you.  She was bent over with her hair flung over her head, trying to tie her hair up and out of her face.  You swallowed hard seeing how her sweats formed to her body so well.  Your mind started to wander and you had to turn away when she stood up.  "What are you doing?"

She shrugged as she began to pull on some gloves.  "This seems to be the only way that I can get you alone."

You shook your head and walked over to your bag.  "I was just leaving," you hated yourself for being so distant with her, but what else could you do?

She stood in front of you now.  "Y/N, please just talk to me," her big brown eyes had a certain longing in them.  "We can be professional about this, can't we?"

"Professional?" you almost scoffed and her eyes widened a bit.  "Jack, I can't be professional around you when all you want to do is discuss the least professional thing I've ever done."

"You were upset," she was trying to make excuses that not even she was buying.

"Because you wouldn't stop prying.  I shouldn't have done it," you shook your head.  "It was stupid and unprofessional, and it's not like it meant anything to me anyways," you didn't even realize what you had said before you saw Jack step back.  That was too far.  Did she look... disappointed?  No.  She couldn't be.  Why would she be.  "Jack I-"

"No," she put her hand out and forced a small smile.  "You're right," you swore that you heard her voice crack.  "It didn't mean anything.  You were going through something, and I just happened to be there for you."

She was playing this off to easily for your liking.  "Right," you whispered and looked away.  She turned to leave and you didn't know what came over you, but you reached out to stop her.  "Did it mean something?" your eyes were hopeful this time.

Jack's big brown eyes searched yours for some sort of angle, but she couldn't find one.  You wanted an honest answer, and she wanted to answer honestly, with all of her being, but if you didn't feel the same way then she could risk losing you.  "Y/N," her voice was so low that if you weren't looking at her you wouldn't have heard.

"It meant something, Jack," you confessed and felt hot tears sting your eyes.  "I didn't mean what I said before, but I didn't think you wanted me to admit how much it did mean.  I was vulnerable, you aren't wrong about that, but that is something I had wanted to do for a long time," your confessions just seemed to flow out of you with no filter now.

Jack looked up at you, her eyes flashing with hope and longing. You watched her tongue come out to wet her lips. She swallowed hard and you could see her chest rising and falling a bit heavier now. You looked back up at her as soon as you realized that you were staring, but it was no use. She had seen your eyes wander and a smirk played upon her lips now. "Do you mean that?"

You nodded slowly, closing the distance between the two of you now. Your heart was racing more than ever and you felt her hand reach out, her fingers slowly entwining with yours. Now you were the one wetting your lips. "With every fiber of my being," you whispered.

It wasn't long before Jack closed the gap between the two of you. Her hand reached up to brush the loose strands of hair from your face and her nose brushed against yours. Her breathing was shaky and it was the sexiest sound you had ever heard. You couldn't wait anymore and leaned in to brush your lips over hers. Once...twice...your lips locked this time and a soft moan escaped your lips as the kiss deepened. Your arms reached up and wrapped around her, pulling her closer than before until you both were lost in a heated moment of passion. The moment was cut too short by a clearing of the throat from behind you both. You both jumped back, hearts racing and eyes wide, to see Director Vance standing in the doorway. His arms were folded and he didn't look too happy.

"Leon," Jack was the first to speak up. You silently thanked her for that, since the two of them were so close. Maybe that would soften whatever form of punishment would come your way? "We were just-"

"Never you mind what you were just doing," he frowned. "Gibbs got a lead. He's been trying to get ahold of you both, but I can see you were otherwise occupied."

You bit your lip nervously and decided to grab your things as quickly as possible. You looked at your phone. 2 missed calls. You knew Gibbs didn't like even 1 missed call. You held the phone to your ear as you played the voicemail and your eyes widened. "They have a lead on where they're being held. I have to go," you rushed towards the door.

"I'll go with you!" Jack called out and reached for her things.

"I don't think so Agent Sloane," Vance shook his head with curious eyes. You weren't sure if he was upset or if he was just looking out for a good friend. "You'll best serve here."

Jack looked to you apologetically, but you just smiled and shook your head. "It's fine Jack," you assured her before you turned to go. This was certainly the start of something new. You only hoped that it wouldn't cost either of you too much.

[chlodani]

This is the sequel to my first Zuko X F! Reader pairing smau.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of car accident. Revenge. Also mature. If you are sensitive to that kind of thing, you're warned ahead of time. Read at your own risk. . .

After the car accident and problems she had with her friends, Y/n, gets to experience what it's like to be a mother and have a family of her own. And finally live of life she's always wanted, but is it really all fun and games?

Special Edition Part 21. . .

Series Finale Part 22 coming soon. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

The cuff exploded from what I did. An excited smile crossed Ty Lee as she looked at me.

"Y/n, you did it!" Ty Lee said to me excitedly.

"Of course -"

I turned to face her. I bended more water from the floor.

"I'm a better waterbender than everyone thinks I am. - And with the full moon tonight, Azula is going to pay for everything she's done,"

The cuffs on Ty Lee's wrist exploded. Ty Lee smiled satisfied as she looked at her wrist.

"And now we wait," I stated as I sat back against the wall.

"What does the full moon have to do with you beating Azula?" Ty Lee asked me confused.

I looked straight at the wall in front of me. Putting my knees up, resting my arms on them.

"Wait and see," was the only thing I said.

. . .

Zuko's P.O.V.

After defeating the Dia Lee agents I walked into the room I was sure Azula would be in, but she wasn't there. I promise shes going to pay for everything she's ever done.

"Zuko!"

I turned to see all my friends rushing into the room. I slightly rolled my eyes. I wish they would just let me do this on my own. Though with how stubborn they are, that wasn't going to happen. Though they love Y/n and our babies too, and want to make sure they're safe. I mean obviously I love them more than they do. Our friends stood around me.

"Zuko, have you found Azula?" Sapphire asked me.

"No," I replied trying not to show them how angry I really was.

"D*mn! I wanted to kick some a*s," Luna stated.

"I told you I wanted to kick her a*s!" Toph exclaimed.

"We'll all get our fair share," I told them.

"Have you found Y/n yet?" Aang asked me anxiously.

"No, -"

I could feel the rising anger. It was only a matter of time before I snapped.

"What about the twins?" Jami asked.

I shouted out, more like a scream, in anger as I shot at huge flame at nothing. I was breathing heavy as I fell to my knees and and part of the ceiling fell to the ground, where I shot my flame. I had my hands out in front of me on the floor. I had tears dripping from my eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and she knelt down on the floor beside me.

"We'll find them Zuko, - We all want to find them. And with us all working together, - we'll find them a lot faster. - Come on the suns going down, which means the moon will be out soon, - We better keep looking," Katara said to me in a soft voice.

I sighed. I took in a soft breath forcing myself to hold back how I truly felt. I stood to my feet.

"Okay,"

. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I've been sitting here waiting for hours talking to Ty Lee. She's actually not that bad. I've never actually taken the time to really listen to her before. No I haven't sat with her in a room like this and actually talked to her before. When you're trapped in a room with someone you really get to know them. I smiled as the bright light from the moon shone through the window. I looked at Ty Lee deviously.

"Its time," I told her.

She nodded to me. We moved from the floor, quickly moving up the stairs. Ty Lee tried to open the door.

"Its locked! What are we gonna do?" Ty Lee asked in a panic.

"Dont worry Ty, I got this,"

Just as we were heading up the stairs, I found a bucket, full of water. I dont know what it was used for, but it was all I had. I bended the water over to me, making water arms.

"Hang onto me Ty, I dont want you to fall,"

Ty Lee grabbed onto my waist, holding tightly as I blasted a ton of water at the lock. It took a minute or two but it finally budged. The door came open.

"I love that you're such an awesome waterbender," Ty Lee said to me in awe.

I smiled proudly, "Thanks, -"

Two Dia Lee Agents showed up at the door. I blasted them both back, before letting go of the water and taking Ty Lee with me from the room.

. . .

I ended up in courtyard. Ty Lee said she would check on the babies for me. I knew Azula wanted to bait me and lead me out here. Though there was conveniently another fountain out here, so there's a plus.

"Well, I was wondering how long it would take you to escape," Azula spoke to me from behind.

I turned around quickly throwing water at her. She didnt even try to block it.

"Well, anxious to get this fight started are we," Azula said to me amused.

"This has gone on long enough Azula, - Let's just get this over with," I told her.

A devious, almost evil smile crossed her.

"Gladly,"

She shot a huge blue flame my way. I blocked it just in time with a huge wave.

"Is that the best you got? - Not your very best Azula," I taunted her.

In her anger she shot another flame at me, this time not letting up. I did the same with the water. Our blasts of power from our elements collided with each other. Pushing against each other in the middle. I started to feel myself being pushed back from force, my water blast almost getting smaller. I almost felt myself getting weaker, but I could feel the power of the moon. I let myself take in a deep breath, taking in the power of the moon. I let a out a slight shout as I forced more water towards Azula. It was so strong, I put out her fire, blasting her back quite a ways. She was angered as she laid on the ground. I walked closer to her.

"Just admit it, I'm stronger than you," I said to her in a determined angry tone.

"Never," Azula spoke out as she blasted at me.

I blocked it quickly. I stood firm as she stood to her feet. She was beyond angry and she wanted to break me.

"I will find a way to break you," she told me.

I scoffed, "Good luck,"

She groaned in annoyance and anger. She blasted me again. I blocked it, but I slid back a few feet.

"Is that the best you got Fire Girl?" I taunted.

"You dont want to push me!"

"Well, it looks to me you dont have that many tricks up your sleeve that I can see,"

"You dont know what I can do,"

"Then show me!"

I stood there with a devious smile as she started to create lighting.

"Bring it on," I spoke quietly.

"Y/n!!!" I heard Zuko shout only a few feet away from Zuko.

I looked at him in a panic, as Azula noticed him as well. My heart practically stopped as it happened right before my eyes. The lighting hit Zuko and I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. My eyes swelled up with tears.

"ZUKO!!!!!" I shouted out to Zuko.

Azula gave me a satisfied smile.

"Face it I'm better than you," Azula challenged.

I stood there staring as Katara held Zuko on the ground. The tears fell from my eyes as I looked at him. He was staring directly at me. Anger and rage crossed over me. I forced my tears away, looking at Azula. I knew exactly what had to be done. Sapphire wanted to do the same, I'm sure, but she knew Azula was mine to get revenge on, – especially now. I stood straight just staring at her.

"Luna, Suki, take the babies out of here. - Katara, help Zuko before it's too late –"

"What are you gonna do? - Freeze me inside a block of ice? - Which you know I could easily melt with my fire?" Azula challenged.

"You've pushed my family too far Azula - And now it's time you paid for it," I told her.

"Oh, I'm so scared," she mocked.

A determined, angered, knowing look crossed me.

"You should be," I spoke as an angered look stayed in my eye.

I closed my eyes for a split second before taking in a deep breath. I felt the power of the moon, fuel me. I opened my eyes staring directly at Azula. I promised myself I would never do this - but she messed with my family - she messed with my husband - and she messed with my kids. She deserves this. I started to use my blood bending abilities on her. She didnt know what was going on and she was starting to freak out.

"What - what's happening?" Azula asked freaked out.

"You are never going to mess with my family ever again, - If you do - I will make your life a living hell,"

I forced her down to her knees with bloodblending.

"Now Sapphire,"

Sapphire came up behind Azula, putting metal chains on her. Azula was beyond angered. I stepped closer to her.

"You've gone too far Azula, - And you are d*mn lucky, I didnt take this any further. - If you push any further, even from your prison cell, I'll ask Aang to take away your bending just like he did with your father," I told her as Sapphire stood her to her feet.

Aang stood next to me, looking straight at Azula.

"And I'll gladly do it," Aang told Azula.

I looked at Zuko again.

"Aang, Sokka, will you take Azula outta here please?" I asked them not taking my eyes off of Zuko.

"Of course, Y/n," Aang told me.

"Gladly," Sokka spoke in a cold tone as he looked at Azula.

They walked Azula away from us. I walked over to Zuko, kneeling down on the ground. I took him from Katara, holding him in my arms. Tears fell from my face as I looked at him.

"Y/n, -"

I put my hand on his face softly.

"Shhhh, - baby - I'm gonna heal you now," I told him.

I gently laid him on the ground. Zuko looked so helpless. I looked to Katara with tears in my eyes.

"K-Katara - W-We can fix him right?" I asked her in a hopeful fearful tone.

"I dont know - I can't heal him by myself not this time - But maybe if we do it together it'll work," Katara responded hopeful.

Zuko closed his eyes.

"Zuko, please - please dont close your eyes - Zuko! - No! - Please, Zuko! -"

"Y/N!-"

Katara grabbed my wrist, making me look at her.

"The only way this is going to work is if you stay calm - We have to stay calm - Y/n - please," Katara begged of me.

Sapphire walked over to me, kneeling on the ground beside me. In comfort she put her hand on my shoulder. I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes for a second as I nodded. Katara and I covered both of our hands with water. We placed them on Zuko where Azula shot him. I closed my eyes as I could feel the healing power working within me. I let the love I felt for Zuko work through me. Tears fell from my eyes. I begged over and over in my head for him to make it. This was taking longer than usual. I didn't like it. My stomach jumped as I felt Zuko take my hand. I opened my eyes to look at him. More tears fell as I smiled.

"You can stop crying now, -"

Zuko propped himself up on his elbows, as Katara moved away from him.

"I'm gonna be okay - thanks to you and Katara," Zuko said to me softly.

More tears fell from my eyes, as I put my hands on the side of his face, leaning closer to me.

"I love you so much Zuko,"

He smiled and a soft chuckle left him.

"I love you too, Y/n,"

"Never leave us again,"

"I won't,"

I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't stop myself as I pressed my lips to his quickly. He put his hand on the side of my neck, kissing back gladly. I will never let him out of my sight again.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@sokkas--boomerang

@la-lay

@cuddlykoala101

@zukochi

@mochminnie

@theblueslytherin

@coldlilheart

@coconutsaiyan

@rosestyles69

@juniperwoodwell

@crazylokonugget

@fanficflaneuse

@dailytrashypanda

@feelingsarefxtxl

[smileyoongle]

Come Back Home (A Kim Taehyung Mafia AU) // Part 6

Summary: You were dead. Or at least that's what Kim Taehyung thought. But love never dies. A myth, yes. And maybe that's why when he finds out that you are alive, he may have already lost you.

Pairing: Mafia!Taehyung×Reader

24th January, 2019

10:46PM

This is my first entry ever. My name is Y/N Y/L/N and my life has been a little too happening for the past 24 days. I came to live with my best friend in Korea, only to be kidnapped by a dangerous man who called himself Kim Taehyung. And these 24 days, I have been living with him. That's right. Living.

I have to admit, I was scared shitless at first. I thought I was pretty much dead and there is no way Yoona can save me. But can you imagine my surprise when Kim Taehyung turned out to be a sweet gentleman? And it's not just him. All the people who work with him are just as nice to me. Especially, Jungkook. He makes me feel like I have known him for a long time. It's not really bad living here. Taehyung's house is like four times bigger than Yoona's house and I sometimes get lost. It gets boring when no one's home but I manage. I think my little complaint made Taehyung buy me this diary. It's really pretty and it has my name sewn onto the hard cover. He says it's an apology present but I know he's probably annoyed with me. He just wants me to keep to myself. It isn't my fault, is it? Kim Taehyung is just a very…. intriguing man. I find myself being pulled to him all the time. But this is a secret. Between you and me.

Yours Lovingly,

Y/N

A knock on the door made you close the diary and hide it under your pillow. You cleared your throat and pulled the covers up to your neck before mumbling a 'come in'. Minho's head peeked in through the door, a small smile gracing his lips as he took in your form. He slowly got inside and closed the door.

The sun was shining through the windows, the chirping of the birds outside giving you hope that today's gonna be a good day.

"Hey." He mumbled, glancing at his feet and leaning against the door. You gulped, the awkwardness in the room becoming very obvious. You hadn't spoken to Yoona or Minho the day before. Jungkook's words had left you anxious and suspicious, if it wasn't for the diary then you would have surely lost your mind. Since you were too tired the previous night, you hadn't touched your diary at all. But your curiosity had you waking up early and flipping open the pages.

Strangely, Minho hadn't bothered you since you fainted and you wondered how your relationship with him used to be.

"Hi." You replied, mustering a small smile and sitting up straighter. 

"Did I wake you?" He asked, wincing a little at the thought. You immediately shook your head, your hands itching to grab your book and read more of your thoughts.

You could feel the headache coming, clearly, the information of you having been kidnapped was too much. 

So Taehyung became your best friend after he kidnapped you?

That's the only possible explanation. And also, he doesn't seem to be lying either since your entry made sure to tell you how much you liked being in his presence.

Wow ...what an interesting story.

"Y/N, are you listening to me?" You snapped out of your thoughts, mentally slapping yourself for completely forgetting about Minho. 

"I-uh yeah... I'm sorry I'm just... there's too many thoughts." You apologized, biting your lip and shaking your head slightly. Minho smiled apologetically at you, his hand enveloping yours. You blushed, gaping at the sudden gesture.

"It's okay, I understand. I just came to tell you that Yoona has gone out for some work. So I was wondering that maybe we should go out and you know, not let you get too cooped up?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at you.

You blinked at him, thinking of ways to say no but you couldn't do that to him. As much as you lost yourself, everyone else did too. What they need is for you to tell them that you aren't gone completely. You'll be back. You are on your way.

Reluctantly, you nodded, eyes narrowing at Minho's hand on top of yours. 

"I'd like that." You said, giving him a comforting smile. His hand was warm against yours, the kind of warmness that Jungkook had brought to you. It was so...brotherly.

He's your boyfriend.

You cleared your throat, pulling your hand away from him. Minho noticed your uncomfortableness and stood up, giving you a nod.

"Okay then. Uh.. I'll wait for you downstairs. Take your time." He said, waving at you before leaving you alone. 

You sighed, leaning against the backrest. In all honesty, you did feel a little grimy. You had barely gotten out of bed since yesterday.

You pulled out your diary, running your fingers across the hard cover. There was a certain amount of hesitation in your heart. You didn't really know the story that was hidden between the pages. It was like you were getting to know yourself from your own perspective. You couldn't tell if you were ready or not.

💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤

"Fucking hell!" 

Taehyung's voice echoed through the house, making everyone turn their heads towards the study. Namjoon frowned, nodding at everyone to let them know that he was gonna check up on what exactly Taehyung was doing.

He dragged himself up the open staircase and leaned against the doorway of Taehyung's study, frowning on seeing the mess. The room reeked of alcohol, an empty bottle of whisky sitting on the table which used to be a lot more cleaner in your presence.

Namjoon's heart ached at the thought. Such a shame that life is so quick to take away important people. The only thing Namjoon was grateful for, was your existence. At least, you were alive. 

Taehyung rummaged through the cardboard boxes in the room, throwing out everything that he wasn't looking for. Namjoon sighed, concluding that Taehyung was, indeed, drunk.

"What are you doing?" Namjoon voiced, watching the younger male with a cold expression. It was absolutely demotivating to see Taehyung slowly spiralling back into the darkness that he was saved from. As much as Namjoon wanted to do something about it, he felt helpless.

Taehyung closed his eyes, sitting down on the carpeted floor and rubbing his eyes. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, his mind too busy replaying his encounter with you.

"I can't fucking find her diary. I swear I had packed it up in one of these boxes.." Taehyung replied, his words sounding very unstable. 

Jungkook stood outside the study, peeping in from behind Namjoon and wincing on seeing Taehyung's state. There was absolutely no way he could tell Taehyung what he had done. Taehyung would probably get mad that Jungkook had done this without telling anyone. But what could he do? 

He seemed to be the only one worried about your sanity because you were staying with Yoona. Something had to be done to save you. To make you feel like you still had control over your life.

"You're too drunk to be looking for anything. Go and get cleaned up first." Namjoon ordered, kneeling down beside his brother-like friend and patting his back. Taehyung shook his head, his red rimmed eyes begging Namjoon to help him.

Jungkook decided that he should probably step in. So he did.

"You really should go and clean up. We'll look for it." Jungkook stated, walking in with his hands in his pocket. Taehyung sighed, reluctantly nodding. He stood up, stumbling on his own feet but Jungkook caught him.

Taehyung nodded at Jungkook in acknowledgement and Jungkook cracked a small smile.

"Just, please find it. That diary makes me feel like I still have her even though I don't." Taehyung requested, glancing at both the men before making his way out. 

Jungkook frowned, looking down at his shoes. Should he have not done that?

💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤

Yoona shivered, her body still hot and bothered from what she had done moments ago. The silk sheets beneath her body felt cool, her fingers tangling themselves in the red satin. Her eyes followed the man across the room, smiling at him with all the affection she had. But he seemed to be unaffected, too focused on putting on his clothes and lighting up his cigarette.

"You're leaving so soon?" Yoona voiced, disdain evident in the way her shoulders slumped. She knew that Eunho had a life apart from her but she couldn't deny the liveliness she felt when he was with her. She felt special. She felt like she was doing something right, even if the world didn't believe that.

Eunho shook his head, running his fingers through his brown hair. 

"I'm not going anywhere, you are. This is my house and I have things to do so get out."

Yoona's jaw dropped at the harshness delivered to her. She could hear the shattering of her heart, her chest tightening as she sat up straighter. 

"Why are you saying that? I...I don't understand." She frowned, pulling the sheets up to cover her body. Eunho sighed before chuckling bitterly to himself. He turned towards Yoona, taking a long drag from his cigarette and sitting beside her on the bed. He tilted his head, mocking her with his pitiful eyes.

"You stupid stupid girl. Did you think I'd keep you with me forever? I must admit, the sex was amazing at first but now, it's just boring. So, give me back the money you took from me and get lost." He stated bluntly, crossing his legs and staring at Yoona in amusement. 

Yoona's breath hitched, her eyes warming up as tears began to pool in them. All these months, she had thought that Eunho was the one for her. Even though he was a gang leader, he was nice. He was better than all the others she had met. She had trusted him with all her problems and he had also given her money when she had to pay Taehyung back. 

This was not something she expected. She leaned forward and held Eunho's hand, tears freely falling down her cheeks.

"No, Eunho, I'll do whatever you want. Don't end this here. I don't even have the money. If I had it, I wouldn't have borrowed it from you!" Yoona begged, her voice cracking in the middle. 

Eunho was her pillar and maybe she had been naïve enough to let him manipulate her but she was in too deep now. She was in love and she knew that. She just couldn't believe that Eunho could say such things to her. He only wanted her for her body? Bullshit.

Eunho yanked his arm away and stood up, throwing icy glares at Yoona as he crouched down to her eye level. 

"You don't have the money? Hmm...then we have just two choices." Yoona's eyes lit up with hope. This was good. There has to be some way in which she could repay him and convince him to stay.

At her lack of response, Eunho smirked and leaned closer, placing his fingers under her chin. Yoona could feel his breath on her lips, the smell of his cologne mixing with that of the cigarette.

"Either you get me the money somehow…." Yoona's breath hitched when his hand trailed down to her neck, his fingers wrapping around the skin. 

"...or you get me the girl who was in the middle of all this."

Yoona's eyes widened and she immediately pushed Eunho away. Her breathing became heavier and her jaw clenched. 

So he wanted Y/N?

Eunho could sense the anger he had planted in his dumb lover, a wave of satisfaction crashing over him. He loved seeing Yoona getting so riled up over nothing. Because how much was her best friend really worth? 

Nothing.

Eunho just wanted a taste of the girl who had captured Kim Taehyung's heart. It was just mere curiosity and he was sure that he'd let her go after one night. But if she was really special, then maybe he'd have to keep the little birdie with him. 

What was her name again?

Y/N Y/L/N

"You're sick! I'll fucking give you your money, one way or another but you'll never ever get your hands on Y/N!" Yoona seethed, rushing to put on her clothes. All of her trust and affection was thrown out the window in a span of seconds. 

"Oh? Okay then, I guess you wouldn't mind if I informed Taehyung that this whole kidnapping thing was your doing."

Yoona froze, her jacket clutched tightly in her hands as a shudder ran down her spine. She gulped, slowly turning around to look at the pathetic man who was threatening her after using her to his heart's content. 

"You wouldn't." She mumbled, her tone cautious and doubtful. As much as she wanted to call it a bluff, Eunho's eyes told her otherwise. He had always been a competitive man, his ego too high to please and too easy to hurt. 

Eunho raised an eyebrow, taking a step closer to Yoona.

"You think, baby? Fine, don't come to me when Taehyung sends his people after you."

Yoona shook her head furiously, her jacket falling to the floor as she swallowed thickly. Her stomach churned and she wanted to throw up. The smell of Eunho's cologne was now becoming intoxicating. She couldn't stand it.

"You can't pin this on me. I asked you to hurt Taehyung!" She yelled, pointing at Eunho while he simply smirked. 

"That's the point, baby. You asked me. You let your friend rot in Castillo's basement. You decided that she needs to be given electric shocks to forget Taehyung. So tell me. Who's the bigger culprit?"

The tears that had dried up made a comeback, endlessly streaming down Yoona's cheeks. This was low, even for Eunho. But it was her fault for believing him in the first place. You used to be a cautious girl when it came to men and Yoona used to think you were being too stuck up. Now she understood why. She had made a big mistake with no way to undo it.

Eunho tutted, wrapping his arms around Yoona and letting her cry. He patted her head and rocked back and forth.

"You have two weeks. Get me Y/N and we'll all be happy." He mumbled, his soothing tone contradicting the warning of his words. 

Taglist: @min-t-posts @annoyinglyunabashedangel @bringitseijoh @kpopgirlbtssvt @jeonjello @shadowstark @bangtanniexxx @wendyiiwl @imlostindarkness @sinnersblogg @jazzytfw @lovestrucked-again @hopetookmysoul @angelwolfexorcist @taes-strawberry @ireallylikefoodandyoutube @annoyingpessimist @hajimaoppaa @atwoodscott @kawaiimusiccollection @byeolizzie @sleepysavya @sensiblebutch @maiden-mars @soundofwonderland @the-fangirl-lorax @btsarmysvtcarat @youthandtears @novelread000 @glitterytreephantom @chocolatemilk1221 @cookiemonstermusic258 @iamcrazyforkdramas @luckyzipperscissorsbat @kpop-is-life100 @entitledtolove @somewhereinthestarss

Look at this family, we really growing, huh? How do we feel about the plot twist? I hate Yoona 😔

Tell me if you wanna be tagged! As much as I think this was a bad chapter, I hope you guys still liked it!

-XX

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 1 - Hang My Head, Drown My Fear, ‘Til You All Just Disappear...

Detroit Michigan, MGM Grand Hotel May 17 2017

(Chris is 52, Andi is 29)

CHRIS:"Fuck... why won't this fucking key work!" I growl as I stick the hotel key in the door and jiggle it as best I can but nothing is working.

"Chris, hey man... here I got it, " Martin Kirsten says as he catches up to me and sees me struggling with the hotel key. One thing about having a bodyguard is that they always seem to be right up your ass even when you least expect it. I step aside exhaling as he tries the key for himself. Amazingly he is able to open it. He turns and smiles at me gesturing for me to go in, I just roll my eyes and head inside my hotel room.

"Is there anything else you need Mr. Cornell?" He says as I head over to the small desk in the room, my laptop sitting on the desk waiting for me to answer some emails.

"Um... I could use something to take the edge off," I say as I sit down at the desk, flipping my curls out of my face and attempt to turn the laptop on.

He steps into the small washroom, and I hear him turn on the tap filling up a glass of water, then moving back over to me, pulling out a bottle and giving me two pills.

"Fuck, this fucking thing isn't starting up again," I say as I force stop the computer and try to start it back up again.

"Here, let me?" Martin says.

"Have at it," I say disgruntled gesturing to the MacBook as he hands me the pills and the glass of water. I take the pills from him swallow them as quick as I can and he hands me a couple of Oxycontin which I crush up on the desk and treat my nose to that sweet burn.

"It seems to be dead... here... I'll uh..." Martin trails off and finds the cord to the MacBook but still no response from it. I eventually just tell him to forget about it for now.

"Is there... anything else.. you need at all?" Martin clears his throat as I take the last sip of my glass of water.

"No, I'm good..." I sniff still slightly feeling anxious and irritated but it should subside in a bit.

"Ok," Martin says and makes his way towards the hotel room door.

"Goodnight Mr. Cornell,"

"G'night..." I throw him a half smile as he heads out the door. Once the door closes, I walk over to it and lock the deadbolt.

Feeling exhausted with the release of euphoria kicking in, I lean back in the chair a bit, flip my curls out of my face and run my palm over my cheeks, feeling the stubble on my face. Fuck, it's been a long night, and damn this ringing in my ears wont stop. Suddenly my iPhone starts ringing and I notice it's Vicky again. Fuck, I wish she'd just leave me alone. I let it ring for a few minutes and realize she won't give up so instead I pick up the phone.

"Hey... yea... no...what...? Yea... I told you I was sending you those papers. No, no I didn't... is this what you called earlier for? No I'm just... I'm just tired... no I didn't... What is that supposed to mean...? Wait what are you talking about? look, my lawyer is contacting your lawyer so there really is no need for you to keep calling at all... Vicky... No... hey don't hang up, Vicky? Vicky...! Fucking God damn it!"

I hang up the phone and toss it on the desk. Why does she always have to do that? Why does she always have to make me feel like this. I'm always fucking up. I'm never good enough. I know I'm the one who wants a divorce but she doesn't need to make me feel like this. I can't help it. I want out. I just wish it didn't take me so long to finally see her for who she really is.

I get up from the chair and head to the bathroom. I rummage around in the bathroom and find exactly what I'm looking for.

"You want a piece of me... well I'll fucking show you,"

This is it. I'm gonna do it this time. I'm done.

I take in a deep breath close my eyes and know that at any moment, I won't have to worry any more.

No more pain. No more burden. No more sadness. I will be free.

All of a sudden I hear a loud crash, then a scream that sounded like nothing I ever heard before coming from the next room over. I flick my eyes open, let go of the breath I was holding and look around the bathroom for a moment to realize what I was just about to do. I start to pant and feel shaky as I take the rubber exercise band off from around my neck. Then there was another loud noise in which I started to panic.

"What...? What the fuck?" I say to myself and throw the rubber exercise band on the floor and storm out of the bathroom.

I quickly make my way to the door, open it to see the hotel hallway dimly lit, and someone disappear around the corner. The door to the room next to mine was wide open but no lights on at all. I could feel my heart pounding as I peer in through the door and see a young girl laying curled up, face down on the floor completely naked. I look around the hallway and see no one, then look back and walk in the room to see if she was alright. As I approach her I could see that she was breathing, but she wasn't moving at all.

"Holy shit..." I say to myself and grab one of the hotel sheets from the bed and move over to her, crouching down beside her to cover her up. I didn't know what to do.

Should I wake her? I need to wake her to make sure she's ok.

"Hey... uh... miss?" I clear my throat and gently rub her shoulder. She groans and suddenly begins to cough, loud and hard.

"Jeezus, are you ok?" I ask worriedly.

I move my hand up to her face where her dark curls lay strewn across and push them away to reveal her young features. She turns her head as she tries to stop coughing, her brow furrowing as she attempts to catch her breath. Her eyes flick up to me, dark and slightly clouded as she looks like she's trying to make out just who she was looking at.

No fucking way...

"Hi.. you uh, you alright?" I ask again. I wasn't exactly sure what to say to her. Suddenly her eyes grow wide, gasping as she quickly sits up, shrinking away from me.

"Hey, no it's ok... I'm not going to hurt you," I say trying to re-assure her. She looks down at her self, her dark curls falling down around her shoulders and a few curls falling in her face, realizing she was completely naked in front of me and quickly grabs the bed sheet to pull it up to her bare chest.

She flips her curls out of her face and looks around the room, looking like she's trying to figure out where she was. She looks back down at herself examining her arms and legs almost looking like she's trying to make sure everything is intact and then flicks her eyes back to me.

She then lets go of the blanket she was holding and before I could stop her, she moves so quickly over to me and wraps her arms around my neck, embracing me in a hug.

I was so surprised at first that I just sat there for a moment but the feeling of her hugging me was something I didn't know I needed until it happened. I slowly move my arms and place my hands on her sides, slowly moving up her back, feeling her soft smooth skin under my rough calloused fingers. She continues to hold me and I can hear her softly crying as I move my arms to hold her tighter to me.

Holy Shit...

"Shhh... it's ok..." I say softly. She slowly pulls away from me, wiping her tears from her cheeks, but seemingly not caring that she no longer held the bed sheet to cover herself.

"I'm sorry," She half giggles, still wiping away her tears. I glance over her, and my heart begins to pound.

It's her... I can't believe it's her.

"It's ok..."I give her a half smile trying my best to not make it awkward for her, and she moves back to wrap her arms around me once more.

"Mr. Cornell...? Mr.Cornell - Oh, shit, I'm sorry..." Martin says when he walks into the room and sees me holding this young woman, clad in only a bed sheet in my arms.

"No, no man it's ok... what is it?" I ask as I turn and look at him, while she pulls away from me wiping her tears and wrapping the sheet around herself.

"Uh, Vicky called and wanted me to check on you. You weren't answering your phone so she panicked and called me to make sure you were ok... Are you... ok...?" Martin trails off awkwardly as I now see how this might look to him.

"Yea, yea, I'm ok... just tell her I was down at the bar or something... I don't know whatever you can come up with..." I say suddenly being brought back to the miserable reality that I so desperately wanted to be free from.

"Ok... um... do you need anything... maybe... at all?" He says glancing at her and then back to me.

"No man, I'm alright... but what time is it?" I ask.

"Just after midnight... um... 12:17am," Martin says glancing at his watch.

"Ok... uh... thank you," I say and he nods, giving me a half smile then leaving the room. I turn back to see her giving me those worried eyes again and I softly smile at her.

"My bodyguard... he's always up my ass...." I joke and she giggles, the sound making my heart flutter like it always has. It's been years, but it's her. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. She's so young but so gorgeous and I feel all those feelings bubbling up to the surface again. I've known her since I was 15 years old, she's still exactly the same and so incredibly beautiful.

She came back to me... She finally came back to me.

[iluvitwhenweplay-1950]

@silver-de-vonne and @starlight--moon thank you so much for reaching out.

I know he's being taken care of at his place for now. He's been to a doctor and physically he seems to be recovering. @starlight--moon I'll keep what you've said in mind and inform someone if it gets too out of hand. I think his mother mostly already knows, so hopefully it doesn't get worse.

But I just spoke to him a few minutes ago. And I really hope I'm not being too much trouble on here. You guys have been so nice.

He's sick but right now wants to do is throw this huge event in school. My school is really strict and the chances of him being able to do it are minimum, given he has to be completed fine first so that he doesn't infect other people. He told me he wanted me to talk to the principal and put in a good word for him about his event. The principal hates me because i didn't get a perfect score in tenth grade and am friends with this guy. She hates me even more when I spend time with him is school because they think he's a terrible influence on me. I really wanted to tell him that I could do it . But I couldn't. I get so anxious when she is in the same room as me and I am incapable of going up to her and talking about him. I told him I could try but I would back out last minute and make things worse. I told him to maybe ask someone else, who had a better relationship with her.

He lost it. He called me pathetic and acted as if asking someone else was the worst thing in the world. Then he said that no one was helping him. He had to do everything himself. I told him because he was the one who wanted it , he had to try. This was almost a last resort I had already tried telling him rationally that I couldn't do it. And what he wanted wasn't even a necessity. He was asking complete control over the school to throw a huge event. I didn't see why it was needed ever but I always supported him. We're only a month or two away from the board exams so I couldn't really see the point either.

The he said I've never done anything for him and that hurt. I spend an hour listening to him evry day even when I have classes but he says I don't have enough time for him. And he said I was selfish because i didn't help him in academics. As in i didn't let him copy me in tests. Apparently that was selfish. I was willing to help him study but he wanted to fucking copy off me in a test I had worked hard for and because i refused i was in the wrong. I only cared about myself. I'm saying this now because he brought it up, when I said I couldn't talk to the principal because i get anxious. I told him I worked on the test , no one helped me do anything. And he said you have to help other people to get help.

I don't know, I though checking in on him, talking to him when he felt low, abandoning everything when he called because it could be important, going and seeing him in his class even when the teachers get mad, standing up for him in front of other people was being a good friend and helping him. He decided it's not. And I feel incredibly guilty when I say this but the only times when I've ever needed help what happens,is him telling me that life was cruel, my problems didn't matter and that he didn't care if i killed myself. He said this a while ago but it stuck with me and sometimes it comes back when it hurts. Like when he tells me he's replaced me.

And he ended by saying he was sick so this was the least I could do, I don't know should I have said yes? I mean what he was asking was unreasonable. Imagine going up to the principal and telling them that this guy wants to throw a massive party in the school. I don't see how it's necessary. I've spenypt months agreeing but I know I won't be able to do it.

I'm really sorry guys, i really needed to vent and this is the only place I have. Thanks for the kind words again.

So that guy I'm always tensed about got sick. Like really, really sick. Yesterday he said he didn't want to live anymore, that there's was nothing worthy enough for him to stay alive. He's been saying the same variation of this for the past nine months and I always get extremely scared when he says it. I can never take it lightly. And I'm pretty sure that I've spent at least one night lying awake hoping he's alive every single week from the time he first started saying this. I'm unable to do anything to make him feel better. I listen calmly, i talk to him for hours but it's never enough. I don't know what the right thing to say is. Yesterday I lost it completely. I told him straight to the point that he had to stay alive, if not for him for his kid cousin who thinks the world of him. I don't know if that was warranted, but i couldn't just stand him saying he wanted to die again and again for months now. This time it might actually be serious. He's spoken with a few other people and I am glad that he's getting the support he needs, but still a tiny part of me feels like he goes to other people it's because i wasn't good enough at making him feel better. He refuses to see a therapist and i breakdown every time he talks because i can't take away his suffering, and if i can't my mind says I'm not worth anything. Which I realise is unhealthy.

Now the main point... Today I told him something that I genuinely thought would make him feel better, but it didn't. In fact he said his chest hurt more. I apologized immediately and he didn't take it to heart said it was okay, but I still feel guilty. If i can't always say the right thing to him I wonder if I'm worth anything at all. I still feel bad about telling him that piece of news, but the other time I kept something from him for his sake , he accused me of knowing and not telling him. So I don't even know what to filter with him, because he has such varied reactions.

I'm praying that he'll be okay, there's nothing else I can do, but I still feel guilty that I can't fix his problems. And selfishly I worry when he prefers someone else to me , because that just makes me feel like i wasn't a good enough therapist.

[seacreek]

I don't want to write anything where irl friends would see (no one is gonna see this here anyway) but I need to get this out of me.

Liiiikeeeee

I was (am?) literally the most suicidal I've ever been in my life today (is today over if it's 2 am?) and not only can I tell that to NO ONE, but it's like God was fucking rubbing it my face all day. I actually laughed at one point bc I was driving behind someone thinking of whether I should try to do it at home or somewhere else when I noticed their license plate said KYS and then a mashup of my birthday numbers.

But like I've already been feeling this building bc I'm behind on bills and have no heat and it's gonna snow soon and it's the holidays which remind me that my family is all spread out and I don't really talk to my parents anymore and somedays I talk to no one at all but my cat and my life is going NOWHERE with no way to change that but to work myself even harder when I don't even feel like I have anything at all to give anymore.

And I already felt like calling out bc even though I chose to work Thanksgiving yesterday knowing I'd be the only one there, it was still depressing to know that normal people are with friends and family and I'm not. But I also didn't want to take up my neighbors/friends on their offers to join them bc I did that last year and got all the questions about what I was doing with my life and at the time I actually believed I'd be going back to school the next year but now I realize how I can't possibly afford that without accepting help from someone which would BE my neighbors bc my parents would not help and I can't pay for it alone. And I can't accept help from them bc I feel like I would just get overwhelmed and depressed and flunk out and waste their money anyway. And the other reason I couldn't go over there/can't is bc I already feel like such a burden to them. They do all this nice stuff for me all the time and I catch myself even EXPECTING it at times which is fucking disgusting. Even if I'm grateful and say thank you, it's not like they owe me anything just bc I have no one else to give it to me. So I need to stop accepting their help and gifts, but then I know they are judging me for that bc even though their really nice, they are also super judgmental and they really like me bc they think I have "potential", but if they knew that I'm actually just a natural born idiot and failure, they'd never want to talk to me in the first place. And also it's unhealthy probably how much I rely on their validation bc since I've known them since I was little, I'm almost using them as surrogate parents which is also fucked up bc they are not my parents, they have their own kids who actually have their lives together unlike me who is just like a pet project of theirs.

Soooo anyway I already had all this on my mind and more going into work today and when I get there, I look at the schedule and realize everyone called out but me!!!!

And so I had to make a frankenstein schedule out of all of theirs to prioritize what needed to get done and was still trying to do little favors for people in between that I didn't want to disappoint bc it wasn't their fault that their staff wasn't there to do it with them and it was getting super overwhelming. And then I'm super sensitive so when I'd have to tell someone that I COULDN'T do something extra for them that they really were looking forward to, it was already punching me in the gut to see their disappointment. But then the worst part is that they don't fully get that I'm not just choosing to do that out of spite, but I legitimately had negative amounts of time to get everything done so they would blame me for what I couldn't do for them. EVEN THOUGH I WAS WORKING LIKE 4 SCHEDULES IN 1. Like they don't have the capacity to think past what's in front of them sometimes which I understand it's not their fault, but it SUCKS bc then they are pissed at me even though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do everything for everyone and keep them all happy and they should really be annoyed with my coworkers who didn't come in but I didn't even throw them under the bus bc it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm the person in front of them who is "refusing to do what they ask" so it's my fault.

So that's how my day is going everywhere I go as I rush from person to person and place to place, answering calls, improvising on the spot, and constantly having to tell someone that whatever they had planned on today isn't possible and dealing with the result of that. And the WHOLE TIME I am DAYDREAMING about how I'm gonna kill myself when I get home. Maybe slit my wrists, wait no my leg because I know I'll chicken out on the wrists, wait no, I'll drive out to the ocean and just swim out until I'm drowning too far out to save myself, wait no, what bridges could I jump from let me google that, wait no, I could take all of the pills at home together but then I might throw them up so wait no, maybe I'll drag this out and just not eat or drink til I just die nah that takes too long etc etc etc. And I'm really thinking this is gonna happen tonight bc I already wrote a letter monday or tuesday and I'm sure they'll find that pretty fast when they look in my journals so I don't even have to worry about that part, just the doing. So I'm contemplating my end of life and getting more anxious and sad with every hour passing bc I'm really thinking this is it, this is the day I'm out. But really I keep getting caught up bc my CAT who is sadly the one being on earth that I love who could never understand, is at home. And I'm thinking about how if I kill myself while she's there and it takes time for people to realize I'm missing/find me, she will be sad/hungry/thirsty in the meantime. Which is so unecessary and all of my suicide plans get scrapped if they involve direct trauma of another being and she's the one that means the most, so how could I be so selfish as to not make a plan for her?

So I'm thinking of how I have to sneak her to my sister's place while she's still at work and that's stressful enough but more so bc then I'll have a time limit on getting this done bc as soon as she comes home and sees kaiya there without me and no explanation, she'll start blowing up my phone and when I don't answer, she'll call someone. And I don't want to do that in a pressured state, I need time to process everything and think about life and what I'm doing. Plus, what if I decide not to??? (Which is what ended up happening for tonight anyway) I would've done all that for nothing and then had to confess when she found kaiya anyway and have to go to a psych ward or something which would just ruin my life faster but make it harder to get out.

So I'm thinking ALL this ALL day while working my ass off yet still disappointing everyone and swallowing tears that would turn into sobs every hour until it's time to go home.

Then I drive home and even though I pray to God to send me some sign that he cares, he doesn't.

At this point, I've already lost the fire under me so I know this is another night where I just get through it, cuddle kaiya, and wake up the next day to do it all over and I've accepted that in a way.

Then 1 am rolls around and my sister calls me to say she stopped by a party where she ran into my old best friend and friends from high school. None of whom cared enough about me to even ask what I was up to these days, even though they were talking to my SISTER. And that whole growing apart thing took such a toll on me mentally and I do feel like I'm over it now these days, but it still brought up these gross sad feelings of when I was first realizing that they didn't really care about me anymore and then fully understanding that I didn't matter to them. Which hurt SO MUCH bc they were a ride or die for me, like I would have done anything for them and I never even DOUBTED they didn't feel the same until it was so obvious I had to stop pretending around it. And that fucked with ALL of my relationships with people. Every single friend I had, I started pulling away from bc I was so insecure in myself that I felt like I had to get away from them before they had the chance to drop me which I now felt was inevitable. To this day, I feel like I have a body count of of people that I desperately want to talk to, but don't let myself bc I feel like they don't deserve to have to put up with a person as shitty and worthless as me. And I do that in every possible relationship I have, platonic, romantic, and even familial. And I can't blame them for that bc they were just a normal person growing apart from someone I guess, but I think it triggered something laying dormant in me so badly that it was actually the catalyst for my inability to connect with other people in meaningful ways. I never meet a new person anymore with the belief that they will be in my life for more than a few years at most. Most people I expect to be gone within a week or two. My walls are up so high that it's actually selfish that I even talk to people at all bc I only end up hurting them when I pull away for seemingly no reason at all. And I'm too much of a coward to tell them that there's nothing wrong with them, I just can't get that close to people anymore. Like it actually makes me physically sick to think of carrying on normal relationships with people which is SO fucked. But then I turn into the villain bc I'm worried that they'll develop the same fear of people and I'll be the cause of it. Like I'm a vampire. But I isolate myself and then get to a certain point where I think "I'll try again!! And this time will be different!! I'll really have someone new in my life!" And then I am super friendly and doing my best to be good and making plans and whatever. But then I start getting that sick feeling again, like what if what if they just haven't realized how much I suck and how disappointing I am yet, they'll definitely realize it soon and I come up with some random specific reason why they'd actually hate me if they knew "THIS" about me and I start detaching myself and then flake on plans and then disappear. And then spend weeks worrying myself sick that I permanently damaged their trust in people!!! But then I get lonely again and the pattern starts again!! All traced back to this moment in time where it actually hit me that people's affection for you can disappear in the blink of an eye no matter how much you thought they cared about you. So clearly love is conditional and just that thought alone is enough to make me want to end it all!!

So yea, just a shit day with shit cherries and cream on top.

And now it's 3am and I have to wake up in 5 hrs to do this again.

And all of this is still something no one will know if or until it comes spilling out and then my life will either be changed forever or over.

But yea, drew that lion the other day.