#maybe i'll expand it more later

[queen-of-bad-opsec]

this cat will occasionally reblog porn, and other sexual content.

do with that what you will; if you're a minor, maybe it's worth staying away.

anyways, i am the Queen of Bad Opsec. there's backstory to the name. ppl close to me may ask about it.

she/her are my pronouns. 19 is my age.

this cat will frequently refer to itself as "this cat". she likes saying that, and . i mean, call a cat a cat, am i right?

@ all my mutuals: i suggest you go make a cohost. if shit hits the fan even more than it already has, that's where i'll be. welp, nevermind. cohost died first.

this cat is discovering the joy of colored text. please bear with me.

this cat is some flavor of trans. maybe she was a boy once, but she can't say that with certainty anymore. this cat learned the word "demigirl" recently, and is slowly rotating it in her mind. she likes the sound of "girlthing".

also, this cat is probably bi. or maybe pan? maybe she'll figure that out one day, hehe.

in any case, its gender is such that every sex with it is gay :3

this cat uses Linux. this cat will tell you to also use Linux. this is because windows is shite, macos is restrictive, and chromeos is both, plus google. big tech is a fuck, go use linux today. viva la FOSS.

in the past, this cat used Arch Linux (btw). this cat will not recommend you use Arch Linux (btw), because Arch Linux is annoying (btw). this cat just happens to tolerate, and occasionally even enjoy, those annoyances. if you're new to linux, go use pop!os. if it werent for snap, i'd recommend ubuntu, but even putting aside issues of dated packages, why the fuck would anyone want more than one default package manager? it kinda defeats the purpose a little bit.

update: this cat has installed NixOS on its laptop. she likes!

central configurations, my beloved.

this cat loves tiling window managers. it used gnome once, but abandoned that long ago in favor of i3wm, and eventually cast that aside when it found swaywm and realized it wouldnt have to deal with picom anymore. now, this cat gets to deal with the lacking software support for Wayland in multiple critical areas (screen sharing is .bad) instead. this cat has heard of dwm and hyprland and a few others, and is a lil curious what all the hype's about, but lacks the energy to do the research. for now, she loves the rectangular simplicity of sway. she loves the low-effort nature of windows that just neatly tile side by side where you tell them to be, and wonders how she ever put up with floating window systems at all.

this cat plays video games. games it likes / has liked are Celeste, SUPERHOT (MCD too), FTL (esp with Multiverse), Into the Breach, Minecraft, Satisfactory, the Metro series, Astroneer, ULTRAKILL, Dungeon of the Endless, Cyberpunk, Doom (2016 and Eternal, mostly Eternal) and Planetside 2. and more probably, but i forgor. want to play Highfleet sometime, bc i love the OST (Tanc a Lelek my beloved)

Current video games: FTL (with Multiverse), occasionally some Deep Rock Galactic

[idlingmoons]

hi oc enjoyers, i now have ref sheets! in order, from top to bottom: apricot, bloodmoon, daydream, and sungrass

with all my ocs present here, i'll talk a bit about the universe that they're from! i've been calling it what's your worth (wyw), and i've been hoping to at least maybe plan a fic and sort out some details about it.

the base premise of wyw is that y/n has cut off their family and sold off any belongings related to them! after getting a trailer to get away from their family, they somehow keep attracting bots to them.

unfortunately, not every bots gets to stay with y/n, but i like to think that each one is impactful on y/n's journey, along with everyone else's. i like to think that y/n gets to kiss every bot that stays with them, and at least hug every bot that they meet. it's up in the air who stays with y/n for now, but it's sure fun to think about!

[shipping-receiving]

On vulnerability in Love Scout

I’ve been seeing a few comments here and there asking what Jiyun “offers” to Eunho and what she can bring to their potential relationship, especially considering how much he does for her both materially and emotionally. While this is one method of determining if their relationship is truly balanced, I wonder if a straightforward measurement of give-and-take can effectively assess their dynamic, especially given their current employer-employee status. After all, since Eunho is Jiyun's secretary, so much of his caretaking can be seen as a natural extension of his job scope, although of course he has gone above and beyond professional expectations (and boundaries).

Jiyun can’t easily reciprocate Eunho’s acts of service within the limits of their (thus far) professional relationship – even if she is starting to do so by buying him food and coffee etc. On top of that, she is an inherently guarded person. It’s difficult to say what she can “offer” because she’s not in a position to offer anything besides his salary. It’s also much easier to see the value that he has added to her life because her struggles were emphasised from the start in very visible ways (messiness, insomnia, her trip to the hospital), while he seemed to live a very full life with Byeol.

Therefore, perhaps a better measure of their mutual compatibility and support is in the vulnerabilities that they allow themselves to show around each other – when they let themselves to be something other than the ‘perfection’ that they’ve defined for themselves. Again, it’s more obvious when Jiyun’s walls come down (expressing joy, letting herself be helped/comforted, falling asleep), because it is such a contrast to her stern, no-nonsense, ultra-professional demeanour. With Eunho, it’s not so clear, because his warmth and compassion can easily be mistaken for openness. Yet his pleasantness can also be a shield; a way to deflect uncomfortable feelings by minimising himself for the well-being of others. The most obvious example of this is when he maintains his amiability even in the face of outright mistreatment from his former boss. But it’s also in how he defaults to being the pillar of strength and the ‘fixer’ in social situations. 

In fact, almost all of Eunho’s true moments of vulnerability and honesty have come only in Jiyun’s presence. First, and more circumstantially, the frustration and anger at her for trying to poach the developer in Episode 1, and his desperation to keep his new job as her secretary in Episode 2. Then, more purposefully, when he tells her about why he took paternal leave; the challenges of his previous job; the fact that he was orphaned at a young age; his worries about fatherhood. These are not the only times he’s discussed his anxieties with another character – he did so with his ex-colleague when he was in danger of losing his first job, and with Suhyeon when Jiyun was still being difficult – but both of those times, he was also binging something sugary as a coping mechanism, and speaking in generalities with a tone of resigned acceptance. He’s simply not in the habit of showing so much of himself (i.e. his ‘imperfections’) to another person; even his beloved senior/Mi-ae’s husband doesn’t know why he got divorced.

Of course, everything he has revealed to Jiyun has been in response to her very direct questions. But I don’t think it’s just about that. As much as Jiyun can be a mess, she is also a very stable and confident person who is a good judge of the characters and motivations of others. That’s what makes her so good at speaking to both clients and targets, which Eunho himself has observed first-hand. Jiyun inspires trust and respect, which is (part of the reason) why he feels comfortable revealing the parts of himself that aren’t so ‘put-together’. Furthermore, he’s seen that she’s not incapable of the sincerity that he so readily offers to other people, even while being very rational and principled. This is not just Eunho “rubbing off on her” as Jiyun observes in herself in Episode 6. It’s just that her sincerity, which is a form of emotional vulnerability for her, has often only felt ‘safe’ to use as a strategy in appropriate professional situations.

Jiyun’s interactions with Byeol shed further light on the positive aspects of Jiyun’s personality. It would have been easy for her character to be written as cold or awkward around kids. Instead, there is a mutual respect between her and Byeol, with whom she’s not afraid to discuss more difficult personal topics (at least in an abstract sense). Jiyun treats Byeol like a fully-formed person with agency, takes genuine interest in her independent of any connection to Eunho, and is able to be supportive in her own way without pandering or patronising. It’s the very things that make Jiyun “cool” in Byeol’s eyes that gives us clues about what Eunho admires in her.

In a recent interview (a very cute one conducted by Ki So-yu, who plays Byeol), Han Jimin says that with Eunho in her life, Jiyun’s “sharp and prickly points have softened and become smoother”. Conversely, I think Jiyun is someone who gives Eunho room to show the roughness beneath his rounder, gentler exterior, which he otherwise takes such pains to smooth over.

[accirax]

last night i had a dream that it was Friday, and i was watching Chapter 2 Episode 15. it was nearing the end of the episode, and Teruko had accused Ace in the Closing Argument. however, Ace was nonstop arguing with MonoTV that he didn't do it and that everyone had it all wrong. MonoTV laughed cryptically, and the episode ended on the cliffhanger...

...that MonoTV was about to introduce Ada Tobisa, Eden's secret twin sister, as the seventeenth student in the killing game.

no, i don't know what role Ada would have had in the murder.

earlier in the dream episode, we had seen the left photo as its own CG, and were led to believe that it was a photo of Eden as a baby (i have no idea how this came up in the Trial). however, the end stinger was showing the CG with the two of them, and that the left picture was actually Ada all along.

anyways, call me the Ultimate Fortune Teller, because i'm pretty sure i've foreseen exactly what's going to happen in Friday's episode drop 😎

[sleepynegress]

AKELA COOPER, you brilliant sonuvabitch genre writer.... The fact that HELL FEST, MALIGNANT, and M3GAN are all written from a Black woman's gaze and are mostly dwelling in the "camp" space... IMO, makes the larger sociological niches she's mining (akin to Romero's Dawn of the Dead in sociopolitical prescience) that much more invisible in how apt and *well* she's doing it. But society will eventually catch-up. Her debut, HELL FEST was about a white man, a normal person day-to-day who hides a horrific alter-ego to kill for one night, which gives so many of the Christian family men online calling Rachel Zegler a "cunt"... MALIGNANT was ultimately about women's body autonomy, choice and sisterhood, beneath all the *amazingly* fun bloody campy action scenes. ...And finally, we have M3GAN, who unlike the naive Alita: Battle Angel (written from the male gaze), is snarky, in control, and perfectly aware of how to manipulate the gaze on her girl-child-like visage to her own control and advantage. Also, ...the usage of Britney Spears?! *PER-FECT* People keep sleeping on Akela Cooper and one day, they'll catch-up.

[photon-crest-art]

Weird birds I found outside today.

[gelenka-daria]

why manwe and melkor? why this ship that doesn't even make sense and has no corner in the fandom? i don't see the appeal

they're in love, your honor!!!

okay, in complete seriousness, to me, at least, they're the perfect balance of love and loss, devotion and heartbreak and cosmic tragedy and honestly? no other relationship in arda even comes close.

first: they are soulmates in the most literal way possible.

not “soulmates” in the way people throw the word around. not just “they understand each other.” no. they were created as one thought. they were never meant to be apart. their whole existence was supposed to be together.

there is no manwë without melkor. there is no melkor without manwë. they define each other. they are two halves of a whole, and yet they are doomed to be separated forever.

if that’s not peak romantic tragedy, i don’t know what is.

second: melkor’s obsession with manwë is the most delicious thing ever

melkor may act like he’s all about power, but his entire existence revolves around manwë

he rebels? because manwë represents everything he can’t be.

he tries to destroy arda? because it’s manwë’s domain.

he corrupts everything good? because manwë is good.

this isn’t a casual rivalry. this is cosmic, centuries-spanning, deeply personal obsession. melkor’s whole “i am the dark lord, fear me” act is just one big, dramatic way of getting manwë’s attention.

the valar are just sitting there like “melkor, what do you want?” and he’s just screaming “I WANT MANWË TO UNDERSTAND ME!!!”

third: manwë’s unconditional love for melkor is PAINFUL in the best way, he just breaks my heart.

melkor has done everything wrong. betrayed him. deceived him. waged war against him for centuries. and what does manwë do?

he forgives him.

manwë is the only one who never truly turns his back against melkor. he still believes in him. he still loves him. and that is the most achingly beautiful, devastating thing.

everyone else says “melkor is evil.”

manwë says, “he is my brother.”

everyone else says “melkor is a lost cause.”

manwë says, “there is still good in him.”

everyone else says “melkor deserves to suffer.”

manwë says, “i only wish he would return to the light.”

this is what makes it so gut-wrenching—manwë never moves on. he never truly lets go. melkor is his greatest sorrow, his deepest wound, the love that will never return to him.

melkor chose hatred. manwë chose love. and neither of them can ever take it back.

fourth: they are the ultimate “what could have been”

you want appeal? this is the real appeal. because they were meant to be together. and yet, they might never be.

they started out as equals, as one, as light and harmony and creation. they should have ruled together, side by side. but instead?

one sits on a throne in the sky, mourning.

the other is trapped in the void, bitter and alone and it's all melkor's fault like UGH FUCK YOU MELKOR YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL!

they were everything. and now they are nothing. and they might never have the chance to fix it.

tell me that’s not the most tragic, beautiful, heart-shattering love story you’ve ever heard.

[aparticularbandit]

Hands Off The Merchandise

Summary: Miu inherits her father's mansion. Complete with a maid who refuses to be fired. Unfortunately.

For DR WLWeek 2024: Prompt Two: Trapped.

Rating: M because Miu comes with an M rating just by nature of her character.

AO3

“Hey, Kirumi?”

“Yes, Ms.Iruma.”

“Ugh, how many times do I have to fucking tell you?  Call me Miu.  You don’t have to be so fucking formal!”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma.”

“!!!!”

~

Her father told her to keep her hands off the merchandise.

Miu thought that was a stupid thing to say the first time she heard it, because she’s never once been concerned about people keeping their hands off of her merchandise, but it was the last thing he ever said to her, so that means it was important.

Probably.

She didn’t even need his crappy ass mansion, or his butlers and maids and what all the fuck he had, because he’d basically thrown her and her mom out of the house a gazillion years ago.  The only reason he’d gotten in contact with her again was because she’d made a name for herself, and somehow that made her fucking worthy of his fucking attention, like she gave a single flying fuck.

But he’d named her his heir, which meant she had to take care of all his fucking bullshit, like he couldn’t have fucking taken care of that himself before popping off, or he couldn’t have his best maid ever TM take care of it for him, or something that meant that she didn’t personally have to manhandle all of his fucking wank—

She trashed the mansion before she sold it.

And then the sale fell through because she fucking trashed it.

So she tore the shitty ass tribute to his fucking everything down to the ground and built her own dream on top of it.  It’s not like the location itself was shit.  There was a lake over there with a pretty cool cave behind its waterfall (just like in every video game ever), and sometimes it was nice to just sit and think there while the water pounded her—

It’d be better if there was a hot spring so she could get all hot and—

She fired the butlers.  And the maids.  And everyone her father thought was necessary to keep his fucking domain going.  Because she could just make her own creatures or whatever to keep the grounds nice, if she wanted, and she definitely didn’t need all those fucking people around all the fucking time.  They would fuck with her vibes!

Except that was really fucking lonely.

So she kept one of them around.

….

More like she wouldn’t fucking leave when Miu fired her, like she couldn’t be fired or whatever the fuck, so.

….

Keep your hands off the merchandise.

Like anybody other than Miu would want to be called that.

Fucking asshole.

~

“Why are you even fucking here?”

“Your father requested my service.”

“Yeah, well he’s fucking dead, and I don’t need it, so—”

“He paid me well in advance.”

“So take the money and fucking run!  I don’t want you here!”

~

At first, Miu thought Kirumi was specifically attached to the mansion.  Destroying the mansion proved that idea wrong.

Then, Miu thought Kirumi was attached to the land.  She couldn’t sell it anymore, not without selling her new laboratory and the whole set-up, but she took off and roamed the world for a bit.  Said something about needing new ideas and did that thing you do with pet dogs sometimes – told her not to follow her.  But it didn’t fucking matter what she said – Kirumi was already there.  Ahead of her.  Like she knew just where Miu was going to be.

It was so fucking frustrating!

Miu made a robomaid once just to piss her off.

It didn’t work.  Both because it didn’t piss Kirumi off and also because it didn’t actually work.  Broke down in, like, five minutes.  Something about all the shit she has all over the lab making it unsuitable for cleaning.  Which is total bullshit.  The lab’s not supposed to be clean!  The robomaid should know better than that!  UGH.

Maybe being a good maid is harder than she thought.

But it’s just keeping stuff clean, isn’t it?

And doing the laundry, which Miu could totally do by herself.  Or make something to do for her; it’s not like modifying an existing machine is hard – she could do it in her sleep!  …once she finishes the invention that lets her invent stuff in her sleep.  Look, it’s harder than it looks!

And cooking, but Miu could just use a microwave, so that’s fine.  And tea, but they make good kettles for that, and she’s smart enough to not burn her tongue anymore.  And hot chocolate, which, fine, Kirumi makes the really good homemade stuff on the stovetop, but if she left a recipe, Miu could totally invent something that would do it just as good!

….

Probably!

…okay, so maybe having Kirumi around doesn’t suck ass.  Also, she’s kind of pretty.  She’s not the gorgeous girl genius by any means, but.  She’s not. horrible. to look at.

And if Miu is completely honest with herself, there are moments where she’s spent way too long in the laboratory where gorgeous shouldn’t apply to her by any stretch of the imagination.  She will never admit that.  But it’s true.

The nice thing about Kirumi is that she never acts like she smells bad.  She treats her like a normal person!  Which!  She is!

….

Miu hates it here.

~

“Kirumi….”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma?”

“…why don’t you ever call me Miu?  I’ve told you a thousand times!  Do you just, what, not like calling people by the names they want to be called?  That’s real shitty of you, Kirumi.  You should be a better—”

“It provides professional distance, Ms. Iruma.”

“...oh.”

~

Keep your hands off the merchandise, like Kirumi was just some thing to be bought!

You can’t just buy people!

That’s a whole other kind of service, and Miu’s pretty sure Kirumi’s not into that sort of thing.

….

She should ask, right?  She should totally ask.

Not because she’ll do anything, but—

~

“You didn’t fuck my dad, did you?”

“Excuse me?”

“I-I-I m-m-mean.  Um.  I didn’t—”

“….”

“S-s-sorry for asking, you don’t have to look at me like that, I didn’t mean it, I just—”

~

It’s so….

It feels like she’s tied up.

And not in the good way.

Not in the way she likes.

Or, at least, she assumes she likes.  She’s never actually tried it.  But it looks like something she might like if she did try it.  If she found someone worth trying it with.

Not the point.

Get on track, Miu!  Get it together!

~

“Kirumi?”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma?”

“Do you…like me?”

“As much as I’ve liked any of my masters.”

“….”

“You don’t have to flush every time I call you that.”

“I-I-I know that!  See, this is why I want you to call me Miu!  Then it wouldn’t be a distraction!”

“Am I a distraction, Ms. Iruma?”

“Um.”

~

Miu’s trapped, really.  It’s not like she can tell Kirumi she likes her!  Because what if she only likes Kirumi because she’s her maid?  That’s kind of gross.  Unless Kirumi likes that.  In which case, it’s not gross.

But she can’t tell if Kirumi likes her either!  Maybe she’s just another master!

So!

So she needs to fire her.

That’s the only way to fix this, right?  To approach each other as equals?

How can she make Kirumi believe that, though?  It’s never worked before!

Maybe if—

~

“Ms. Iruma.”

“Huh?”

“It would be to your benefit to put clothes on.”

“What?  Is this gorgeous bod bothering you?”

“No.  I simply believe that engaging in your projects in the nude will not end the way you want.”

“And what way would that—  OW.  OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.”

~

She gives up.

She gives up.

She’s the most gorgeous girl genius in the entire fucking world, but she’s an inventor, she’s not a people person, and she can’t fucking get Kirumi Tojo to fucking quit.  Or be fired!  She won’t even be fired!

This is so un—

~

“Ms. Iruma.”

“Huh?”

“Do you really want me to leave?”

“Yeah.  I think you’re a shit maid, and I could do all of this just fine on my own.  You’re fucking useless.”

“Do you really?”

No.

“Y-y-yeah.”

~

Kirumi leaves.

Which Miu didn’t want, but she did, but she didn’t.

There’s so much trash in the lab by the end of the first day that she determines to make a better robomaid who can actually clean the lab.

No better time like the present, yeah?

~

Three weeks later, with a cup of noodles in one hand and a fork halfway to her mouth (and an untold amount of empty ones scattered across her desk and the floor and…a lot of other places), there comes a knock at the front door.  Notably, Miu can’t hear the knock, because she’s deep in her lap inventing something, but the camera at the front takes a quick snapshot and blows it up big all over her screen, which makes her stop.  Blink twice.  And then race to the front door without even putting the fork in her mouth or putting the cup of noodles down.

(She sniffs her armpits before she opens the door and winces.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.)

“Kirumi!”

Miu opens the door and leans up against the frame before realizing how rancid she smells and immediately putting her arm down.  “Missed me, did you?”

Kirumi’s gaze lands on the cup of noodles.

Miu throws the cup of noodles and the fork over her shoulder.

Kirumi’s gaze follows the cup and the fork.

“I’ll, uh.  I’ll just pick that up….”  Miu walks away, brushing her sticky – why is it sticky – hair out of her face.  She takes a deep breath, her shoulders collapsing.  She didn’t think Kirumi would actually come back.  She can’t ask her out like this!  >.>;;;;;;;

Kirumi places a hand on Miu’s shoulder and bends down next to her.  “Let me.”

“No, no, no, no, no!”  Miu slaps Kirumi’s hand away.  “Nope, nuh-uh!  You finally left!  You’re not gonna be my maid again!  Even if…even if I’m shit at this, I don’t want you to do it for me!”

“Miu.”

Miu flushes a bright red.

“Let me. do it. for you.”

“O…okay.”  Miu glances up but avoids meeting Kirumi’s eyes.

“And go take a shower.  Then we can discuss our continuing arrangement.”

“Our what?”

Kirumi reaches out, takes Miu’s chin in her hands, and lifts it so that their eyes meet.  “Our continuing arrangement.”

Miu swallows.  Nods.  “Okay,” she whispers.

~

Miu learns, eventually, that she does, in fact, like being tied up.

As long as she knows she can get out of the knots whenever she wants.

At least her hands aren't the ones on the merchandise.

[winter-spark]

I maybe use the demiromantic and demisexual beams too much but I have characters I see as one, the other, or both. Some I'm certain some I'm still debating as I do take different things into account.

For example, I'm pretty sure Muku is giving at least demiromantic(probably both but at least demiromantic) but that might just be me projecting because we're kinda similar and I might be demiromantic but I might specifically be hopeless romantic demiromantic and that's the vibe I'm getting from him. Like he's definitely getting friend crushes and if he feels romantic attraction it's definitely after he's grown attached to the person at hand. And like I think Muku and friendships is like so good? Like idk how else to put it. (Lowkey Masumi is also in this category for me not that we're similar but like the hopeless romantic, demiromantic thing feels like it could be him. Like idk people who fantasy about love and being in a happy relationship but like don't actually feel that initial attraction and maybe could mistake something for it. Idk if that makes sense, he's not my area of expertise. I'm not 100% but I'm leaning towards this read because these two are lowkey sides of a coin to me.)

Juza just is demiromantic demisexual to me. Uhm. (Or maybe just somewhere under the aroace spectrum but demi ) Same for Sakuya. Like with these two they're kind of giving both I don't think they have like a "oh this is a super romantic gesture and can only be done in these situations" filter. I think they just kind of vibe and don't really have those type of attractions much if at all? You know?

Then like apart of me really wants to hit Itaru with it but idk. He's not demisexual to me, like I don't think he falls under the ace umbrella. But the aro umbrella... maybe? Idk he mentioned that sometimes unrequited love is (oof what was the word he said?) better(?). And he somewhat gives that he might've had crushes but also I don't know? He might not have, he might've formulated his opinion on unrequited love through viewing the world you know? Very in the fence about Itaru like I want to say he is but like hm. I need to see more interpretations of him. Especially because he's somehow my default projection character so I can be misguided in my assessment.

Then there's Citron who maybe I should've waited to talk about Muku for this part but there's only one main similarity I'm thinking of so it's probably fine. Now Citron, to me, is demiromantic demisexual. And like this is the hardest one because I feel like I might be the only one who feels this way? Maybe not idk. But for me, Citron pretends very well??? Like sure he can flirt but like... I don't know, he said in the first arc that, he hasn’t experienced rejection because people are usually going after him not vice versa. But I want to add that I don't think he has experience rejecting either? as he didn't know how to flat out rejection his fiance, Leila. But also he does give that he has experience? Like if you were to categorize the Mankai cast as "probably has dated" & "probably has never dated" he's going in the former.

And like (unless my reading comprehension has failed me again) sometimes in fics they kind of talk about how much love he has and it sometimes feels equated with romantic love but I think actually it's the opposite, he has so much general love and like romantic love isn't very prominent(?) in him. And this headcanon is getting a little backstory headcanon-y but like. To me it feels like Citron has dated because people asked him out but like he didn't have those attractions to them so while he would do the relationship things they wanted to do he treated them kind of the same way he treated them before, the way he treats everyone and they maybe didn't feel special as his partner and broke up with him and like he felt sad/bad about it but he wasn't like rejected or romantically heartbroken.

Is this making sense? I know he's a prince with a fiance when would he have time, idk. It feels like he has. Or should have. Like this feels like so him to me? Idk maybe it's just me. But yea, demiromantic demisexual Citron makes sense to me.

(Oh the Muku comparison was the treating everyone the same type thing. But I do think that once in a relationship Muku he would have all these ideas about how they should be because media lol.)

But yea. Thought are some of my thoughts on that.

Mankai March Question 17!

I feel like a lot of the fanbase here is pretty queer, so let's project! Any queer headcanons for A3! characters?

[sheep-from-rad]

this is inspired by @luludeluluramblings 's neglected! influencer! **I'll expand this later, I'm eepy**

*I don't own Rät. It belongs to Penelope Scott. Batfam belongs to DC*

Not gonna lie, everytime I read a Yandere Batfam x Neglected Reader (I wish we have more defiant one tbh, i have parental issues and I tell you I will never ever forgive my parents fast. It's my dad's fault I don't know how to ask for help and that everytime he's near me all my danger senses are high up. Ending this here before it becomes a rant/vent lol) all I can hear in my brain is Rät by Penelope Scott

Maybe we can do it like this: Neglected! reader uses music to let frustrations out and leading to them becoming this anon singer online. Reader started out with being a black screen singer at first, making covers of songs and then later they started when gaining popularity they started having this anime avatar or an anime persona (maybe even a vtuber model) and original songs left and right.

Reader lives a normal life flying under the radar in daylight but when alone they sing their hearts out in different songs, they even learn different languages for foreign songs too. I can imagine reader singing Japanese songs too something around Kikuo to One OK Rock covers.

AND THEN the big fight with Damian, reader really can't bear living in the mansion anymore. They bear it too much and now the bottle is already full. Before they left they dropped the song cover of Rät or maybe it's not even a cover in this AU, maybe they wrote the song in this AU. Gotham immediately loved the song maybe even tried to decipher the song too because singer! reader just dropped it and disappeared.

The song immediately gained notoriety because to the people of Gotham the song sounded like a protest. A question to the current hierarchy, a question to heroes and how villains came to be. No one still notices that the reader is missing until Tim was tasked to clean up some camera file storage around the mansion.

Tim watches every footage before cleaning it, no matter how boring it was to see if something went amiss while they are out on their secret vigilante nightlife. What did he find on the camera footage? He found the reader going around their bedroom and to the attic back and forth with a microphone and few recording equipment. When he reviewed the attic footage he found clips and clips of reader singing, editing, and uploading videos.

Suddenly, the last song they dropped made sense. The lyrics made sense. It was about them not about Gotham society.

[epickiya722]

... I cannot write Miruko or Burnin with other characters at this point.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Delicate

Sinister! Mark x GN!Regenerator! Reader

A/N: After -> this <- post by @kikiiguess, thanks for matching my freak on a catastrophic level!

⚠️Contains Comic Spoilers⚠️

18+ disturbing content

Synopsis: After escaping from the wasteland dimension, Mark has developed a concerning appetite... Warnings: angst, blood, injury, hurt/comfort, masochism, literal cannibalism, this is oddly sexual charged

It was way past midnight when you woke up finding the bedplace next to yours empty once again, starting to wander the barely illuminated hallways in search for your lover.

A few days prior he had finally returned to your dimension after weeks of absence - yet what exactly happened or how he was even able to find his way back remained a mystery.

All you were sure of is that he had returned a shell of his former self, completely driven by inferior instincts.

From what you could understand of the scraps of information he provided in between demented nonsense, Mark and several of his alters got stranded in a dead universe, with no access to food or water...

...so naturally, as time passed and their hopes of rescue were dwindling, their last option was to start eliminating each other in their desparation for survival.

Truth be told, you were almost 100% sure it was your Mark that made them all turn on each other in the first place.

You've had it all with this man, so you were confident to say it was definelty in his range of possibilities - though this was a new low, even for him.

Damn it, how many times did you tell him to not trust Angstom of all people?! He had been a pain in the ass in your dimension, and now you found out the hard way that goes for this one as well.

But sadly your boyfriend was a fatal combination of both greedy and bored - so being able to expand his empire across the multiverse seemed like just the kind of diversion he needed.

Maybe you if you had been more assertive, then none of this would've happened...

Not much later you finally run into him, hunched over the corpse of your comrade and holding a severed limb as his teeth scraped off the flesh. Witnessing carnage of this extent wasn't really new for either of you, but the context made it just so much more gruesome.

Ever since he came back he's nothing short of instable, however not in the way you were used to. It had always been subtle, well hidden behind a charming facade and skilled manipulation tactics.

There had been method to his madness up until now, but the isolation and sheer hopelessnes of his situation made the last remnant of his sanity slip away like sand between his fingers.

At times his mind conjures voices and other hallucinations, making him even more paranoid than usually. And more often than not he thinks that he's still trapped in that very same wasteland dimension. Well, back then his only solace was imagining himself back home by your side, and now it had become impossible for him to differentiate...

...not to mention, he seems to be plaqued by an aching hunger that can never be quenched.

The doctors claimed it was psychosomatic, caused by the trauma, and that he will most likely adjust to normal food again...

...and yet he hasn't gotten any better, no matter what you tried.

"Want some?" Mark's voice cut through the silence like shards of glass, and you shot him a both disappointed and sympathetic look before shaking your head. "Thanks, I'll pass..."

"I was just so hungry, you know?" You hear a bone creaking as he munches on it, and you feel like throwing up. "Always hungry...it never goes away..."

As much as it pained you to see him this way, in the end you prefer to have him like this than not at all.

Finding him here was no coincidence, surely. He always deliberately fled from your side, whenever this vile urge became too overwhelming. Harming you - the one and only person he evidently cared for - was out of the question.

The old Mark was still hidden somewhere in this delirious menace, you were sure of it...

...you just needed to find a way to lure him out.

"Come" you whisper softly, understandingly, yet also cautious - like you were trying to appease an unpredictable beast that could lash out without warning shall you make one wrong movement. "Let's go to bed."

For a split second a panicked aggression flared up in his eyes, although he didn't act upon the impulse he developed to ensure his survival. He mustered your outstreched hand suspiciously, as if not quite knowing what to do with it, but after a while of whatever his disturbed mind was contemplating, he accepted your offer.

You mutely led him the way back to your shared chambers, with him leaving a trail of blood from the carnage left behind. That's a problem for tomorrow you - or preferably someone else - to clean up.

Right now all that counts is being there for the man that would- no, has conquered entire civilizations in your name.

You owe this to him!

There was no use trying to reason with him about getting cleaned up, so you gently guided him onto the mattress and climbed in right after. Blood from his clothes, hair and skin was soaked into the sheets, drying into a deep shade of crimson. He was entirely covered in it, mixed with his own saliva as it dripped down his chin.

You cradled his face into your hands, pecking a kiss on the bridge of his nose before smearing the proof of his earlier slaughter into nothing but a fading red.

"I didn't plan to be last, I swear..." your boyfriend uttered as he wrapped his arms around your middle, his scruffy beard tickling the crook of your neck. "It just continued not to be me. Maybe I don't look tasty? I don't want to not look tasty..."

You let out a shuddered breath, continuing to let your fingers comb through his messy hair but getting tangled in the dried blood. "I'm just glad to have you back."

Mark had always cursed himself for being so pathetically attached to you. He never intended to fall in love, downright refused this foreign feeling long before he even understood them.

After having spent his whole life in solitude, indifferent to anything 'normal' people seemed to value, he convinced himself that it was actually a sign of superiority.

...and then he met you.

A plaything, a pastime at first.

Back then the GDA had messed with the pain center of your brain, so you'd be more effective in battle. After all, regeneration isn't helpful if you feel every single hit, especially after getting severely injured.

However those experiments came at a price - it caused the side-effect of mistaking pain for pleasure instead.

That's what makes the two of you such a great match: You can basically never break under the weight of what it means to be a sadistic sociopath's spouse. With you he can go all out, implement his dominating power without any consequences.

Who would've thought that the first battle he would ever lose was the one with his own heart?

In a certain way, that other dimension was better. Easier. Absent of any irrational social rules or confusing emotions he couldn't get behind. It was survival of the fittest - a concept he as one of the strongest beings in the universe was very fond of.

Back there, his lack of empathy wasn't consiered monstrous there - it was an advantage. Finally a reassurance that he wasn't broken or wrong.

He was the one that made it out alive, after all.

"How-" Mark's voice is raspy, wild eyes boring into your skull as his fingers tentatively wrapped around your neck. "How do I know this is real? Have you ever been real?!"

You were oddly calm despite being at a madman's mercy, but frankly you were used to it. He increases the pressure on your windpipe just enough to be uncomfortable, but you can feel the barely contained violence behind his grip.

Why didn't you think of this earlier? The solution is so obvious!

"...take from me and find out."

"...no." Mark's voice is firm in a brief moment of clarity. "No" he repeats, "I can't-"

"Why not?" You ask, tone almost offended that he'd reject your generous offer. If he wasn't currently slightly out of mind himself, he would've definetly called you out on this ridiculous behavior.

But his answer stands. There's lines even he does not cross, at least when it came to you. Hypocrite.

"Your folk has less than 50 pure-blooded Viltrumites left, and you just eviscerated one of them...but me? I can take it, I swear."

Your boyfriend had always shared the Viltrumite mindset that humans - except for certain individuals like you were one - are inferior creatures, not much different from cattle or vermin even. Many times he had hunted them for the sheer fun of it...

...but now he didn't even stop at his own people. If he continues, the Viltrumites will eventually turn against him no matter his royal heritage.

Things can't go on like this.

Maybe it's time for more drastic measurements.

"Stop being stubborn" you coo, invitingly batting your lashes but he shuts you up with a glare.

"No, you stop!" He rubs his face frantically, attempting to become at least somewhat clear-headed again. "Even your regeneration has limits. What if I-"

"You won't." Without hesitation, you dig your nails into your forearm, deeply enough to break the skin.

The sheer sight of it leaves him utterly conflicted, exasperated as he's sure once he gives in, he might not be able to stop himself. You see it in the way his hands tremble, barely hovering over your body, and his jaw clenching so hard that you hear his teeth crack.

You dare to cup his cheek, pouring all of your affection into the smile you gift him alongsdes with the essence of your very self. "I love you, Mark. And...I trust you with my life."

"Shit...why are you doing this to me...?" Mark carefully takes ahold of your wrist and brings it to his mouth, lips slightly parted as the intoxicating scent of your blood drings to his nostrils.

It's not the first time, and by far not the last.

Initially he's only licking across the wound, incredibly mellow as if he only wanted to clean it...

...but when the liquid finally graces his dry throat, he lets out a low growl and immediately straddles your waist, pouncing on you like a starved animal. He rips apart your sleeping shirt and lets his canines sink deeply into your exposed shoulder, tearing off the first layer of tissue.

You fail to suppress almost inaudible moans escaping your throat, having the love of your life causing you such delightful pain being almost too much to handle. And when his keen senses make him aware of your reaction, it only spurs him to go further.

"Ohhh..." he almost groans in pure ecstasy, ferociously covering your body in bites and craters of missing flesh. "You like that, huh? Nasty thing."

Mark's hands explore every inch of your body alongsides his mouth, the uncertainty of whether his next move will be mending or hurtful only adding to your excitement. He observes you intently, pupils blown wide by this sheer addicting deed.

His tongue forces your mouth open, the metallic taste of your own blood invading your senses. He can feel your pulse spiking up, as if that feeble little heart of yours wanted to remind him it knows exactly who it belongs to.

Good.

The others tasted so fucking disgusting. But you...

"Fuck" he panted against your skin, drunk on the feeling of having your mind and body submit to him so easily. "So fucking perfect...taking it all so good...it's like you were made just for me..."

Finally he could be as close to you as he deep inside always dreamt to be, and you were enjoying this twisted kind of love.

Part of you is now incorporated in him forever. Poetic.

After what felt like both an eternity and a flash of time, your boyfriend kissed a spot that had just healed for the last time, licking his lips in satisfaction and pulling away.

At long last, he was satiated.

Sitting up, Mark was practically beaming at you, with a look like you had hung the moon just for him. "Damn, babe" he cackles, the metaphorical fog around his soul finally lifting. "You're a freak, you know that?"

"Takes one to know one." You roll your eyes with a wide grin on your face, and the endearing sight makes him crash his lips over yours once again, sighing contently into your mouth.

Before you knew it, your boyfriend began trailing more sensual kisses across your body - from your neck down to your collarbone, chest and finally down your navel, making you shiver the further he descended.

A wolfish smile is playing on his lips as he settles between your legs, his teeth softly nipping into your thigh, mischievous eyes never leaving yours.

"Hope you're ready for dessert..."

[prokopetz]

You know a lot about the cultural influences behind various aspects of D&D, so: do you know the origins of the thing in 3.5 where it seems like a main way they want you to play as a psionic warrior is to grow massive claws and get breath weapons? It's so specific and out of left field for a "warrior who uses the power of the mind" that I've always wondered.

Much of 3E's handling of psionics closely follows material presented in the 2E supplement The Complete Psionics Handbook, which, contra later editions' habit of treating psionics as a variant of wizardly magic, presents psionics as a totally separate and mutually incompatible thing. One feature of this treatment is psionics having its own distinct set of "schools", or disciplines: clairsentience, psychokinesis, psychometabolism, psychoportation, telepathy, and metapsionics.

The 3E psionic warrior stuff is a more or less direct port of the discipline of psychometabolism; I can only presume that this is because it's the most "fightery" of the Psionics Handbook disciplines, though I can't back that guess up. Apart from your cited examples, other psychometabolic powers presented here include self-healing; energy absorption; turning into animals, objects, or living shadows; wuxia-style "lightfoot" techniques; camouflage; shrinking or expanding; stretching one's limbs Mister Fantastic style; and others.

Of course, that just kicks the can further down the road: if the 3E psionic warrior is a port of 2E's psychometabolism specialist, where the heck did 2E get the idea for the discipline of psychometabolism? The general idea of shape-shifting and fire-breathing and such being psychic powers that can be cultivated through mental discipline pops up in quite a few places, but we're looking for a specific constellation of tropes, not isolated instances of little bits and pieces of it.

The Complete Psionics Handbook helpfully includes a comprehensive bibliography of its inspirations (remember when Dungeons & Dragons used to have those?), though I'm unacquainted with most of the books it cites, so that's where my ability to help in this respect ends. I'll include a copy of that bibliography under the cut, though – maybe one of this blog's followers can point out which of its entries, if any, might be most directly informative.

Taken from page 113 ("Related Reading") of The Complete Psionics Handbook:

Fiction

Bester, Alfred; The Demolished Man, The Stars My Destination.

Bradley, Marion Zimmer; Darkover series: The Bloody Sun, Children of Hastur, Darkover Landfall, The Forbidden Tower, Hawkmistress!, The Heritage of Hastur, The Keeper's Price, The Planet Savers, Sharra's Exile, The Shattered Chain, The Spell Sword, Star of Danger, Stormqueen!, The Sword of Aldones, Thendara House, Two to Conquer, The Winds of Darkover, The World Wreckers.

Brunner, John; The Whole Man.

Del Rey, Lester; Pstalemate.

Henderson, Zenna; The People, The People: No Different, Holding Wonder.

Foster, Alan Dean; Flinx series.

King, Stephen; The Dead Zone.

Kurtz, Katherine; Deryni Rising, Deryni Checkmate, High Deryni.

May, Julian; Saga of the Pliocene Exile series: The Many-Colored Land, The Golden Torc, The Non-Born King, The Adversary.

Nourse, Alan E.; Psi High and Others.

Pohl, Frederik; Drunkard's Walk.

Russell, Eric Frank; The Mindwarpers.

Robinson. Frank M.; The Power.

Schmitz, James H.; The Universe Against Her, The Lion Game, stories.

Simmons, Dan; Carrion Comfort.

Sturgeon, Theodore; The Synthetic Man.

Tucker, Wilson; Wild Talent.

Van Vogt, A.E.; Slan.

Zelazny, Roger; Creatures of Light and Darkness, The Dream Master, Lord of Light, lsle of the Dead, This Immortal, To Die in ltalbar.

Nonfiction

Brookesmith, Peter (ed.); Strange Talents, from the series "The Unexplained: Mysteries of Mind, Space, and Time;" Orbis Publishing, London, 1983.

Index of Possibilities: Energy and Power; Pantheon Books/Random House, New York, New York, 1974.

Mind Over Matter, Powers of Healing, Psychic Powers, Psychic Voyages, from the series "Mysteries of the Unknown;" Time-Life Books, Alexandria, Virginia, 1987.

Puharich, Andrija; Beyond Telepathy; Anchor Press/Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973.

Rhine, J.B.; The Reach of the Mind; William Sloane Associates, New York, New York, 1947.

[abbotsanatomy]

I can’t stop thinking about the fluffy alphabet you did for Jack where his nightmare is you coming into his ER. I’d love if you could expand upon that please and thank you.

⨳ JUST A WALK-IN

pairing: jack abbot x wife!reader warnings: depiction of ectopic pregnancy, mentions of surgery/medical procedures. author's note: i think it'd definitely feel that much worse if he caused your visit to the ER (even if indirectly). so here's this..

It takes a lot for you to visit the ER. Lightheadedness, pain in the most random places, and three days of excruciating pain later, you've finally succumbed to the fact that this is, indeed, an emergency.

In truth, you're more worried about your husband than yourself. Jack's what the people call completely overbearing, when it comes to your health. If you could be a hypochondriac for someone, he's that. He tries to downplay it, but you know he's panicking inside every time you get a cold that lasts a little too long or tell him about that pain in your side.

That's why it's incredibly detrimental that your husband not see you in his ER. You're going to tip-toe around, asking for anyone who isn't him and hoping the nurses won't slip up and tell him they saw you around. You feel safe, for now, behind this curtain.

You managed to snag Parker Ellis on your way in. She's one of your favorites, and you know she can keep her mouth shut with Jack.

“Y'know if Abbot finds out, I'll tell him you totally threatened me, right?” she deadpans, pulling her gloves on.

She's sat on a stool beside your hospital bed. You shoot her a pouty look that you hope could soften her up. It doesn't.

“Come on! I only threatened you a little,” you yell, “Have my back. It can't be that serious. Probably just appendicitis or something.”

“You waited three days before coming in,” she berates you. “If it is appendicitis, you should be worried.”

You sigh loudly, and move to lie farther back onto the hospital bed. Ellis brings the cart with the ultrasound kit closer to herself.

“Whatever,” you whisper, pulling your shirt up to reveal your torso.

Ellis puts some ultrasound gel there. You close your eyes at the sensation. It feels too cold, especially with the preexisting pain.

She puts the transducer on your lower abdomen and moves it around, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her. You assume she's found something when her hand freezes and just stares at the screen for a minute.

“What is it?” you question, softly. You're a little scared now; you've never seen Ellis look so serious.

When the silence becomes too intense, you start turning the diamond ring on your fourth finger around. You know whatever Parker's about to tell you, it isn't good.

“Should Jack be here for this?” you suggest, unable to pull your eyes from the sparkling rock on your hand.

Ellis finally pulls her eyes away from the screen, “Yeah. Maybe.”

You nod, slowly letting your eyes flutter shut.

“Okay. Can you tell him? To come in here?” you finally look up at her, “I want him here.”

She leaves without another word. You put your head into your hands, breathing deeply. You think you're getting a moment of peace, and then the pain that's been following you around for days, maybe even weeks, it doubles.

Then, it triples.

You know this can't be a good sign. You make for the call button quickly. You're inches away, when you feel your consciousness slip away. Your vision goes black before you can do anything.

Ellis is making her way through the ER at record speed. When she finds Jack, she's even more frustrated than before.

He's operating. She can't interrupt. She isn't even sure how she was going to tell him in the first place, let alone in a room full of people, with someone's life in his hands.

Ellis is more than aware of just how much Jack loves you. She was at the wedding. She sat front row, listened intently to all of your vows. She hears how he talks to you on the phone, his voice completely morphing into something a lot softer. She notices how you’re on speed dial every time a major incident happens, because he always needs to make sure you’re okay.

She knows he'll freak out when he hears.

These things usually aren't that dangerous, but you've left it for too long. She isn't even sure if you'll make it into surgery before it gets bad. This thing's ready to rupture, and Jack should definitely be there for you if it does.

Fuck it, she decides. She walks into trauma room one with a newfound sense of determination. Ellis grabs a mask off of the tray at the door, and walks in, holding it to her face.

“Hey, Abbot?”

Jack only spares her a glance.

“Kind of busy here,” he tells her, his hands literally inside of the patient in front of him.

“You know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't important,” her voice comes off as frantic.

So much so, that it makes him look up. His eyes immediately become set into a deep frown. He quickly tells Walsh to take over, pulling his hands away. They're both out of the trauma room in seconds.

“Is it...” Jack pauses.

“Yeah, yeah. It's your wife. She's here. She came in for an emergency,” she explains.

“You didn't tell me?”

“She's freakin' scary, alright? Just—I'll tell you what it is there.” Ellis just walks away without a second glance. Jack's following, his footsteps heavy.

When they get to the hospital cubicle you were in, Ellis pushes the curtain back quickly to reveal...nothing.

“Where is she, Ellis?”

“I left her right here. Wait...” Ellis walks to the nurse's station to ask about your whereabouts. They give her the worst case scenario.

As soon as Jack hears the news, he's sprinting to the elevator to make his way to the surgical floor. You're having surgery, and he isn't there. You're having life-altering surgery, which he might've caused, and he isn't there.

His heart’s pounding so hard in his chest he think he might be having a heart attack. This is worse. It’s scarier. He isn’t scared of dying, he’s scared of losing the one thing that’s keeping him going. And the idea that he’s the one who put you in this situation makes him more uneasy.

He can't help but feel guilty, especially when they hand him your wedding ring and the band T-shirt and jeans you presumably had on, and tell him to just wait in the room you'll be admitted in.

He just stares at the glittering diamond in his hands for what feels like hours, until they wheel you in. Then, he puts it back on your ring finger and stares some more.

When you wake up, it's like being reborn. It's completely stressful, you feel like you’re learning how to breathe all over again, and you want to burst out crying. But Jack's right there, with your hand in his.

It makes you smile. Your face still feels heavy, but you manage to show a little teeth. You turn your head to the side, and he's still looking down at your interlocked fingers. He finally looks up when you squeeze his hand as tight as you can.

He can't say anything, so you do.

“I'm, like, so fucking hungry,” you whisper, and then start laughing.

Jack stands up from his seat at your bedside, leaning in. He pulls your head up with a hand buried into your hair. His lips are pressed onto your forehead and, if it's even possible, you're smiling wider.

“That was scary,” you admit.

He nods, his forehead resting against yours now. Your brows crease.

“What, uh...What happened?”

Jack shakes his head, “It was an ectopic pregnancy. Ruptured. I thought—”

He closes his eyes tight, “I thought I'd lose you.”

“You didn't.” You bring a hand up, so your fingers can brush against his jaw.

Jack takes a deep breath, but you can tell it's a little off. “I...I sit up, late at night, thinking about this. You dying, here, in this hospital. Me not knowing about it.”

You shake your head adamantly, pulling his face back so you can really look into his eyes. It takes you a good minute to form a whole sentence.

“I didn't die. I'm right here. It wasn't even close, I swear,” you promise him, offering the best smile you can in this moment.

You plant a firm kiss on his lips to punctuate your point. You let your fingers play around in the salt and pepper strands of his hair.

“But, seriously,” you sigh, “I'm totally starving. How do we get someone to bring me something to eat?”

You look around for a minute, until he starts laughing. It's more of a cathartic coping mechanism than a genuine laugh. You giggle along with him anyway.

[tritoch]

Have you got any thoughts to share about Sphene? I saw your post about how misrepresented FFXIV’s female characters are, and I’ve been hoping to see anything more than the typical “Evil AI colonizer etc.” or “Tragic woman who can never change ever” or “Wuk Lamat’s girlfriend”. Maybe our interpretations will differ but I’ll be happy if you can provide anything more complex than those.

Sure! Throwing all this under a read-more for anyone who hasn't finished 7.0 yet. I think I'll probably expand on this more later but wanted to get initial thoughts down. (Note after writing: I meant this to be brief but uhhhh brevity is not my strong suit sorry. This take just sort of ends abruptly because I realize I'm rambling.) Again, spoilers through the end of 7.0 MSQ.

I think Sphene is the sharpest work the game has done yet in casting the antagonist as the noble double of the protagonist (a well it returns to a lot with Emet, and Zenos, and Golbez, and...). But because the protagonist here is Wuk Lamat and not the Warrior of Light, that's also a much more defined and interesting role. To me, Wuk Lamat is, above all, the Righteous Queen, who rules thoughtfully, wisely, and justly, and whose claim to the throne is justified by her moral clarity. Sphene, in turn, is also a wise and good queen, one who undertakes all her actions with her people first in her hearts, a sense of compassion towards all, and a clear eye for the consequences and costs of her intended course of action. And it leads to utter disaster, for her, her people, and the people of Tural. That rocks!

The first half of 7.0 is about justifying the fact that Wuk Lamat's going to be Dawnservant. Wuk Lamat is compassionate, curious, wise, and open-minded. She wins over rebels and malcontents not by asserting her authority or by strength of force, but by taking her obligations to them (as her subjects) seriously. She knows many of her subjects personally and takes a great interest in their lives, and she respects even those who openly oppose her.

And everything Wuk Lamat does, Sphene does to 11. Wuk Lamat respects her subject peoples and is curious about their cultures? Sphene forcibly annexes Yyasulani, but goes out of her way and expends Alexandria's limited resources to enable the remaining Xak Turali to live in their accustomed way if desired (…to the extent allowed by the new permanent lightning storms and the internal conflicts caused by regulator adoption). Wuk Lamat cares about her people not just in the abstract but as individuals? Sphene visits sick kids, knows them by name! Wuk Lamat understands the burden of rulership is too great and cedes half her power to her brother? Sphene recognizes her own weaknesses and makes a deal with the devil to keep Alexandria's culture alive! Wuk Lamat is willing to die for her people? Sphene will forcibly traumatize herself into being a better queen, if that's what rulership demands.

For an expansion that spends the first half being like "wow isn't this perfect candidate for the crown so likable and humble? wouldn't it be nice to be ruled by a good king?," it sure is funny that the final boss is THE QUEEN ETERNAL and she hits you with attacks like LEGITIMATE FORCE and ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY and ROYAL DOMAIN. This, to me, is Sphene's role: she complicates and questions the themes we've developed in the first half. Most importantly to me, she makes us ask: what is devotion to a people or culture even worth?

There's a thing I kept thinking of constantly during Dawntrail, not because I think it directly influenced the game in any way but because the parallels were so stark and startling. It's Jonathan Hickman's New Avengers #18 (2014). Truthfully, I'm not a big comics guy; I only know this sequence because Ta-Nehisi Coates cited it as inspiration for his Black Panther run on Twitter once (I also didn't read TNC's run, I was following him for politics talk). Forgive me, comics people, if I get any details wrong. The parallels are almost comical, though. It goes like this:

A superhuman secret society formed of some of the smartest heroes (and villains) in the land re-forms to oppose an existential threat caused by incursions from other dimensions that threaten to cause literal collisions between Earth and its alternate dimension counterparts. Seeing no other alternatives, they undertake work on a weapon to destroy these other worlds. T'challa—king of a fictional hyperadvanced nation called Wakanda, and also the superhuman Black Panther—meets with his ghostly predecessors, the previous Black Panthers/kings, for he fears the moral stain on his soul and the souls of the people of Wakanda, if they survive explicitly by killing their alternate counterparts, will be too heavy to bear. His ancestors are not impressed.

To them, there is no question at all. A king's duty may be complex in the execution, but it is simple in its conception. Your people come before all others. Always. This is, must be, the fundamental ethic of a good king. To do otherwise would be a betrayal of the social order on which this imagined good monarchy is built. In a situation like this, the only option is to do what you must to protect them. "Will there be a cost? Yes. Might the universe burn? Let it. . . . You will kill them all if it means Wakanda stands. The golden city must never fall."

"I will do what I must" is Sphene's guiding principle. It is so important to her that when she recognizes that her sentimental attachments are making her waver in her duty, she severs them entirely, sacrificing her whole identity to the throne. It is also implicitly Wuk Lamat's position: she has no choice but to fight Sphene because to do otherwise would be to fail to protect her people. In fact, it's briefly even sort of the Warrior of Light's position, as when you tell Sphene before her trial that you understand what you must do, which is shut her down to protect others.

(One quick thought about the Warrior of Light: one cool thing about the antagonist this time being a double in a more exact way than Emet or Zenos is that it means other characters get a chance to relate to her differently than Wuk Lamat. The Warrior of Light, for example, is pressed into her service immediately upon your first meeting as the Queen's Champion, there to defend her if need be against all evil. This role is further affirmed by both robot Otis and Endless Otis, who essentially hand off their role as her knight to you, and reinforced when you flash back to the "might I call upon your aid" moment right before the end. Except, of course, you are loyal not just to her, but to the principles she represents, which her own acts betray, and so your ultimate act of aid is to essentially pass judgment on her and execute her. In a sense, you become the internal safeguard that a political system is supposed to have to protect against this very issue, and which Alexandria explicitly lost when it cast out/forgot Otis. Very Voeburt/ShB tank quests, it owns.)

But really, it's Sphene who embodies this sort of grim logic best. Aside from her transformation into the Queen Eternal, it's also why she suggests you simply become Alexandrians. It's the only way for her to reconcile her values and worldview, which have backed her into a corner where preserving Alexandria has come to mean a maximalist declaration of war on all life outside its borders because the kind of absolutely pain-free life she envisions for her citizens is completely unsustainable.

In this reading, one of Sphene's main beats is to unsettle what has preceded her in MSQ. In nearly all respects, she shares your values. She prizes life, is curious about other cultures, believes in the greatest good for the greatest possible number. But she is also a queen, and therefore irrevocably (in her eyes) tied to her state. Gulool Ja Ja and Wuk Lamat (and Koana) are the mythical wise rulers, thank god--but what if Wuk had inherited a Turali state that wasn't desperately in need of cross-cultural understanding, but one in a state of war? What value would her deep love for the people of Tural have held then? Sphene says, it would have held no value. If the survival of your people means harming the innocent, you harm the innocent. Kingship allows for no alternatives.

But she also concedes, in the very next breath, that she is still kind of wrong. Because what happened here was not inevitable, despite her programming (a brief note: to me Sphene being programmed is exactly the same as Emet being maybe-tempered, it's a fantasy gloss on the idea of social and cultural education. "I was programmed for this" is really no different from "I was trained and educated for this"), because the truth is that this kind of thoughtful, principled devotion to the state and its people is also a form of sentimental attachment, in the end. One that is maintained not because it is natural, and necessary, but because the monarch, too, likes it, and gets something from it.

In so many ways, in so many senses, the monarch is the state. Kings and queens may fancy themselves merely a reflection of their people's needs and desires, but of course even a cursory glance at history will tell you that far more often, states reflect their rulers. Sphene and Wuk Lamat both suggest that their conflict was inevitable, but was it? Or is the truth, as Sphene glancingly acknowledges here, that she turned her own fears and desires into the same policy goals that led to this tragedy? And if so...what does that say of our Good Queen, Wuk Lamat? Perhaps this could be different if they met earlier, says Wuk Lamat. But when? When did Wuk Lamat ever not love her people so dearly that she would not have sacrificed herself for them, or caused mass death for the sake of their survival? When did Sphene not believe the Endless to be people, or the preservation of Alexandria to be the most important thing? Maybe she means "had we met before you met Zoraal Ja," but of course, we the player actually saw their meeting. And we know that Sphene even then was not the hapless naif she'd like to pretend. She always knew exactly what she was doing.

We know the price of this kind of thinking, this Hobbesian view that states are engaged in a struggle of all against all. Living Memory lets you walk through it. To preserve Tural, we exterminate the Endless. We befriend them, learn about their lives, promise to remember them, and then we destroy them and their homes, leaving nothing but a bleak blank landscape and the sound of wind. This is what Sphene would have done to Tural and Eorzea. Indeed, it's what she's already doing to the people of Yyasulani, because no amount of well-intentioned aid can make up for trapping people under the dome for 30 years and systematically eroding their culture through the resonators.

To me, this is what makes Sphene really work, that way she has of forcing Wuk Lamat and the player to commit the same kinds of sins she has. We'd like to think ourselves better than her, but of course, we've already reconciled with and integrated Mamook's brutal eugenicist regime back into Turali society well before we ever met Sphene. At the end of our long "wow isn't having a wise queen cool???" expansion, we are met with "Legitimate Force" and "Absolute Authority" and see them for what they truly are: nothing but tools of violence. No longer does the idea of the Warrior of Light hanging around Tural as Wuk Lamat's advisor have the same attraction, now that we have been reminded of the way the putatively unquestionable logic of kingship can ultimately lock even the wisest and kindest rulers into a path of war and exploitation and destruction.

I think Sphene is FFXIV's most interesting and nuanced depiction yet of a leader. She really, truly, wants nothing more than to save her people and protect them from pain. But even seemingly loving and compassionate goals like these can readily lead us down dark paths. She's a "hard men make hard choices"-type character, a noble but misguided opponent, but as a loving and elegant fairy queen instead of a grizzled knight or extremely sad man. She fucking rocks.

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 81

jack always looked so soft when he slept.

he had sharp features, sure, maybe mainly that jaw of his; and during his awake hours, you probably wouldn't have described his face as soft. but whenever he dozed off, it was a whole other story. he became a little baby, with his lips slightly parted and a few messy strands falling onto his eyelids. it wasn't too uncommon to hear him talk in his sleep, little mumbles about anything and everything or whispers of your name.

at this moment, you had just come to that same conclusion – he was ethereal, like a dream you were lucky enough to find yourself living in. it was impossible for you to ever predict what was about to come when his chest fell and rose under your hand, steadily and without a worry in the world. you were so busy just watching him that his voice startled you far too much.

"i can feel you staring."

when the surprise wore off and you could breathe again, you smiled ever so slightly and gazed up at his face. "you got a sixth sense or something?" you asked, heart fluttering at the sight of his pretty eyes finally open and connected to yours.

"i know everything when it comes to you." he turned around, now lying on his side and facing you. he reached up to cup your jaw with one hand, thumb skimming over your cheek tenderly before sliding back and brushing through your hair. it didn't take long before his lips were on yours, just a few quick pecks before stopping. "everything, and still not enough." he leaned in again, accidentally bumping his nose against yours on the way, which lead to a fit of giggles leaving your mouth open and ready for him to slip his tongue inside. you let out a little moan as a result, a sound that made all his blood rush south.

for a moment, neither of you moved, just enjoying the feeling of each others' mouths. the kiss was lazy and languid, yet full of affection. his lips were a little chapped at this hour, but you didn't mind; it was like the callouses of his hands, or the hardness of his defined muscles; just very him, a reminder of his rough and rugged edges yet how soft he was in the core. his hands fell down to your waist, tugging you closer until only the thin material of his cotton boxers were separating you.

"i really love having you here, you know?" he mumbled against your lips, his hands slipping beneath his oversized shirt you were currently wearing. "and… i love-"

he was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. you frowned instinctively, looking over his shoulder at the electronic clock on his bedside table. who would be ringing the doorbell at 8 in the morning? on a saturday?

you both laid still for a little while, hoping that maybe the person would go away once they realized that you weren't going to answer. just a few moments later, though, the bell sounded a couple more times, and jack groaned. "i'll be right back, i guess," he said, pressing one last kiss to your cheek before pushing himself up and out of bed, grabbing a random t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from the floor on his way out.

you tried to listen in on the conversation going on out there, but you were still quite sleepy, and jack accidentally – or intentionally – closed the door slightly behind him, so the sound was muffled. luckily, he came back not too long later.

however, he wore a mildly stressed expression on his face, eyebrows slightly raised and eyes tense. "uh… maybe you should get dressed."

you pushed yourself up a little, leaning back on your elbows as you tried to figure him out. "what? why?" jack stood there silently, searching for his words, and your heartbeat sped up. "who was at the door?"

his chest expanded as he took a deep breath. "my parents."

oh.

now you were wide awake.

"they- they came into town late last night. i told you about that, right? did i not? shit, i forgot about that, didn't i?" he was rambling now, stepping up to next to you, and you placed a hand on his side in hopes of steadying him. "i really was supposed to tell you, i swear. but their plane was delayed, and you came by so late, it was so unplanned, and-"

"breathe, jack." he paused for a moment before obliging, nodding slowly. "it's alright. are they still out there?"

"i kind of promised that i'd take them out for breakfast before they go back to the airport, they're going on vacation somewhere…" he looked genuinely guilty, as if he really felt bad about this whole situation. "and i may have accidentally mentioned that you were here, so they're hoping to meet you, and…"

ah, of course. jack had never before been able to shut up when he's been nervous, so why would you expect it now? "okay," you said, nodding as you rose from bed. "let me just get dressed?"

you picked up your underwear from the night before, though they were in no state to be used again, so jack tossed you a pair of boxers from his drawer. you silently cursed yourself for not bringing any extra clothes with you; as he said, you even coming over had been very impromptu, but there was no way he was going to say no to you asking if you could come by after a night out with your friends. his apartment had been closer than yours, after all, and you hadn't been wanting to pay for a cab all the way home when you could just as well crash at jack's. and, besides, one of your friends had spend half the night telling you about her lovely boyfriend, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't been missing jack far too much when it was time to leave.

thus, you had to opt for a hoodie of jack's as well as the smallest pair of sweatpants he owned. you moved into the bathroom, rinsing your mouth in the sink and fixing your bedhead quickly as jack watched over you, seeming almost as nervous as you. only almost, though; the anxiety was just about to make your throat close up and your hands wouldn't stop trembling, even when jack held them in his. you couldn't tell if he was more worried for you or himself, but eventually you made your way together into the living room where his parents sat on the couch.

"mom, dad…"

you recognized jim and ellen from all of the pictures jack had showed you of their family vacations from when he younger. he always spoke of them with so much love and respect; it was easy to tell how important they were to him and how thankful he was to have had them, career wise and life wise.

the way ellen's face lit up as you made eye contact for the first time helped melt away some of your tension, though definitely not all of it. "this is y/n, my…" jack started before trailing off. what was he about to say? how was he going to describe you? what title did he want to give you?

ellen wasted no time jumping off the couch, standing right in front of you in just a second. "hello, dear," she said to cut off the silence, instantly engulfing you in a big hug. "it's really good to meet you!"

you laughed, unsure if it was due to your nerves or actual joy, and hugged her back. "you too," you told her, before moving on to jim who also seemed to want a hug.

"we've wanted jack to find someone for so long, and-" ellen cut herself off to give jack's upper arm a squeeze. "we're just so happy, because he's such a good boy, and you seem like a good girl, and i don't know how serious you two are, but if you're spending the night here-"

too serious, you thought to yourself before you could stop it. way too serious, way too soon.

"mom," jack complained, and you found yourself incapable of saying anything or laughing or even smiling. all muscles of your face were working on their own, impossible to control, and soon your ears left the picture, too. you saw their mouths move, you knew they were talking about you, but it felt like you were somewhere else, not included in the conversation.

when did all of this happen? one day, you were just fooling around in his bed – and now, you were meeting his parents. it felt like you met him just yesterday; like you didn't even know who he was two days ago. and now you were here, standing next to his mother who looked like she was planning your entire wedding in her mind as she spoke.

way too real, way too soon.

‎‎ jack ❤️‍🩹

‎‎ i'm sorry

for what?

‎‎ i can't be your girlfriend

‎‎ i don't even know if that's

‎‎ what you want me to be but

of course i do,

don't be silly

where is this coming from?

‎‎ one missed call from "jack ❤️‍🩹"

pick up the phone

‎‎ two missed calls from "jack ❤️‍🩹"

this isn't funny

answer me

‎‎ five missed calls from "jack"