#maybe go do the same instead of stressing yourself out by projecting hate with pettiness

[chirpsythismorning]

Milkvans on Twitter < 48 hrs ago: Byler stans HATE El, they just pretend they don’t. At least us milkvans are honest about hating Will.

New tumblr account < 2 hrs ago: El is useless and she should die. Also Will has powers.

[daisukissed]

part two of my animal crossing series

❧ pairing: todoroki shouto x gn!reader

❧ synopsis: in which your hatred towards the island's hearthrob melts into something warmer

❧ genre: headcanons, fluff

❧ warnings: cursing

- he was the talk of the town when he first came

- girls and boys were flocking in front of the residence services just to take a glimpse at him

- which annoyed you SO much cause you're trying to pay loans here

- not getting squeezed into oblivion as you try to reach the front door of the building

- it's a godsend that there were actually no signs of people inside, much thanks to bakugou's fiery personality

- so you opened the door, the cold air-conditioned room welcoming you and immediately took a look at the infamous boy that got the whole island down to their knees for him

- and,,, ,, oh wow,,, okay,,,, you kinda get the hype now,,,,,

- B U T

- just because he has a pretty face doesn't mean that he could go and make your life harder than it is

- so it's safe to say that your first impression on todoroki isn't that great </3

- which is kinda unfair to him cause it's not his fault that he's born with a good looking face!!!!

- but that's besides the point

- anyways, it's as if all of the gods above knew of your slight disdain towards the red and white haired boy, choosing to test your limits by putting you in this situation

- this situation where you're forcefully paired up with the said boy, having to share a hefty amount of your precious time with him

- cause being the island's representative and all, bakugou just had to assign you to this project on improving the island's ratings

- and of course, who could be more perfect in assisting you other than his secretary, todoroki shouto?

- "okay, you know what!!! maybe he isn't as bad as you think!!!! maybe you'll get along with him!!!!!!" you thought to yourself

- wrong.

- "todoroki-san, could you help me sort this part out?"

- "??????? ???? you can't do something this easy?"

- "todoroki-san, what do you think of this one i did?"

- "it's downright bad, honestly."

- Hlj$//&Jssl&2&/&:!2@/

- you hate him. you truly, absolutely, utterly despise him.

- funny thing is, he doesn't even know that he's doing these things to you

- bb's just honest and blunt to the core

- but you don't know that and thinks he's doing it purposely instead

- so you pay back by pulling these subtle and childish pranks

- like putting a plastic cockroach on his desk somewhere

- or ruining his coffee with handfuls of salt

- which all failed btw, you should've known this emotionless bitch would drink salted coffee like it's a normal thing smh

- somewhere along the lines of your messy interactions and one-sided hatred, you find yourself paying more and more attention to him

- like how he always plays with his fringes when bored

- or how he would always stifle this cute chuckle whenever you complain about your failed pranks

- and what!!!! noooOoo!! you're definitely not going soft for this guy wdym!!

- you definitely are

- anyways, this led to you realizing that he's actually stressed 24/7??????

- which isn't much of a surprise cause you'd be too if your boss is bakugou

- but what you don't get is why he wouldn't quit this job when there's better jobs out there outside this secluded island

- so you ask

- and he starts telling you all these details about his life like his father's high standards, the dreadful abuse, and his relationship with his mom and siblings

- "living here is much more better than staying at that house, even if it means i'll have to work day and night everyday."

- fuck!!! who's chopping the damn onions here!!!!!

- your thoughts on todoroki shifted considerably that day and so did your feelings as well

- and by that i mean the irresistible urge to burden and trouble his already chaotic life

- petty insults and arguments turned into toned down talks, stink eyes and pouts into silent respect

- you were already loosening up to him without even noticing

- it was on a fine sunday when the aloof boy seemed to be exceptionally stressed, even more so than usual

- his under eye circles were dark, his patience thin and hair disheveled, his skin pale and gray

- he kinda looked like someone who would offer you drugs in a dark alleyway ngl

- of course, you can't just let your beloved partner lose his goddamn mind over some paperworks, can't you?

- cause who will be doing all the work if he falls sick or takes a leave? definitely not you!

- you'd rather leave this island than work on this humongous project alone

- so you're totally not doing this because you were worried for him or something pfffttt

- grabbing an arm to pull him from the seat he was stuck to for days, you guide him to the outside world, the warm sunlight immediately greeting the both of you

- "y/n?? what are we doing, we got work to-"

- "i'm not working with someone who can't even think straight. we're taking the day off."

- bakugou's at the back FUMING at the disappearance of you two rn

- you start walking down the grassy field with todoroki by your side, making your way to the vast sea of blues

- the smell of wide ocean air and strong breeze hit you upon arriving at the beach, small grains of sands lying beneath your feet

- todoroki's all like: ??????? why are we at the beach????

- and you're like: to fish???? duh, we're here to relax????????

- wrong again.

- hours passed as you spent the time reeling fishes by fishes, the young boy doing the same.

- the sun had set by now, dyeing the once blue sky a beautiful orange, streaks of pink accompanying it

- "y/n it's getting late now, we should go"

- "no no no no no, i swear i'll catch something good this time"

- ..............

- "y/n that's your 33rd sea bass"

- you let out a frustrated scream as you released the slimy fish, lips pulling into a sulky frown

- "i fucking hate this day."

- standing up from the pier you were previously sitting on, you turned towards the tall boy, an unsatisfied feeling overcoming you

- and that's when you saw it.

- a gentle and kind smile. one so warm that it made you think twice if what you're seeing is in fact, real. one that made you wish would never fade away.

- todoroki shouto actually smiled

- your plan of de-stressing failed when you decided to try out fishing but the moment you saw his smile, you felt it was all worth it.

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[krxt-blog]

3/29/17

The older I get, the more comfortable I become with the thought of killing myself. I'm not sure what that means. Do I hate myself? Am I allowing the world and the people in it to make me hate myself? Or have I hated myself all along? Is there a difference between "hating yourself" and "not loving yourself," or are those 2 things synonymous? Can you hate and love something at the same time? I feel that way about my cat. My brother. My boyfriend, sometimes. I guess I can feel that way about myself, too. I could probably go on longer about all the reasons why I am certain I hate myself. That's easy. But what about love? One reason I know I love myself is that I wish I had a clone of me to be my best friend. I wish I had another person who looked just like me, acted just like me, shared the same interests and the same sense of humor and the same feelings and the same past experiences as me. We could be together when we wanted to be together. Be alone when we wanted to be alone. There would never be anyone left out or confused or upset because we would share the same feelings at all times. So, why can't I just be alone with myself and it be the same thing as my fantasy? Is there 2 mes already? How does one even love THEMSELF? It's like that would require there to be something else to love. Ya know? I guess in contrast, how can one hate themselves either? Love is a projection on something else or a shared between feeling 2 beings. Same with hate. It requires 2 entities. I, as a person, am only 1 entity. Hating or loving is irrelevant. That's why it's called BEing. One person can just BE their self. Not love their self. Not hate their self. Not anything their self. Psychology talks about the id and the ego and the super ego. I couldn't elaborate on the difference between those things and be confident in my explanation, but that makes it seem like there are 3 selfs. Or even 4. Is there just a SELF underneath those 3? Am I having a spiritual revelation or am I going insane? I am always wondering. He gets mad at me for asking "why" so much. WHY is that so bad? Cause it forces one to think? It forces one to not be so sure or so confident. I guess that my lack of confidence is the maddening part, and it seeps out with every single "why." But why can't it just be taken as curiosity instead of uncertainty? I'd rather be curious than wrong. But would I rather be right than curious? Have I ever even felt "right?" Everything always feels wrong. And even when I think it's right, someone or something comes along and convinces me it's wrong. The point is that I should stop listening, I guess. But I am always listening. Even when I shouldn't be. ESPECIALLY when I shouldn't be, it seems. Look at me now, even. How many times have I said "I guess" or "it seems?" How many fucking question marks are there in this stupid note? I can't make up my mind. Ironically, that's the only thing I can make my mind up about. I can also confirm that writing things down feels good. I haven't done this in a while. I always think about starting again but then I don't do it. It's easier to write when there's an inner conflict. Seems like since mom died, it's just been outer conflicts. Things I can't ask questions about because there are no good answers or ways I can twist things to be to my liking. It's all bad. I don't wanna write about things I can't at least pretend to know how to change. I can ponder all day long about what it means to love myself or why I am a shit person. I can bring my mom back from the dead or change the way my father loves me or get my brother's brain back or figure out how to master being in a relationship. Too hard. My heart is pounding now. I can't sleep. He's in the other room just wishing I was asleep, I'm sure. Seething at the fact that I keep moving around and getting up to go to the bathroom. Or maybe I am making all of that up. He doesn't understand perception. Thinks it's immature. Thinks I'm dumb. Thinks I act like a preteen because I enjoy getting 8 (hell, even 9) hours of sleep. I don't get it. I can be petty and say it's jealousy. I can be insecure and say he's right. I can be neutral and forgive him. ...is that being neutral? Or weak? Should I just kill myself so all of this stops? I am going to question myself to death. My foot's shaking now. It moved from my heart to my foot. I read that people who shake their foot or their leg are physically channeling stress out of their body. My foot is almost always shaking. What am I so stressed about? Existing. This is why I think about killing myself. Like it's a pleasant way out. But then I think about all the people who would still be here and what a burden I would leave them with. Yet, aren't we supposed to "not care what other people think?" Another contradiction. Another internal struggle. Another damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. For the record, I am not going to kill myself. I want to get old. It is a gift. But I also don't wanna be bitter and sick and alone and poor. So... Man, fuck life. I always wonder why I can't just be normal. I know I don't see others' internal lives. I know no one is perfect. But, is anyone just normal, at least? Healthy relationships. Healthy self esteem. Fulfilled. Certain. Not completely certain, but still okay with that fact because "such is life." Knowing nothing is promised and that anything can happen, and being excited about that instead of being scared to death. Not casually contemplating suicide. Ya know, normal. I feel like I've met some of those people. But I don't know for sure. It might be impossible to feel all of that all at the same time. We all have our moments. It's a mixed bag. I just feel like I have felt none of that ever. And I don't know how to teach myself to feel those things. Or even how to fake feeling those things. My heart stopped and my foot stopped. To me, those are noteworthy achievements. Deep breaths. Everything's gonna be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. This won't matter in 5 years. Express gratitude. Yadda, yadda, yadda. How many bullshit, self help cliches can I pull out of my ass before it makes me fall asleep? I wanna throw my headphones in and find something to fall asleep to, but that's even stressing me out. If the cat cries, Chris may just murder it. Should I get rid of the cat? She's not nice. She's not a good pet. She's annoying as fuck and makes me lose sleep and fight with my significant other. But I feel like a bad owner and a failure if I give up on her. Another instance of feeling like everything I do is wrong. I can't win. I wanna end this on a better note than "I can't win." I want to fucking win something for once. Do I turn to god? Today on Rupauls podcast, he used the word "god," but said it just represented what can't be explained. Ru is not religious, but spoke of finding spirituality. It will save me from the incessant devil vs angel on the shoulder thing, apparently. I would love that. I can go full circle with this and say that religious people think that god loves them. They KNOW that god loves them. So if I wanna love myself, maybe I do need god's help to do it. God equaling the unknown. The whatever's there that makes me want to win. To be right. To be kind. To love and to be loved. These things are inherent. People become cold and forget about this stuff, but I think deep down, it's still there. And it's a little mysterious. Is THAT "god?" Do you find god when instead of saying "to be" and start saying "I am?" I can win I am right I am kind I do love I am loved ...I am god? I am god.