#maybe four if the niki section gets long

[smaidjor]

its a good thing i made this post bc i had completely forgotten where technos arc was going in this tbh

trying to write a healing from and dealing with mental illness arc when you dont actually deal with or heal from your own mental illness is so weird

[c4pricornc4ts]

Sbi + Friends Rec List 3

This list is split into two sections; fanfics in the real world and fanfics in minecraft. 

They are in order from fluffiest to heavy angst so if you want to laugh, use the top of each list, and if you want to cry, bottom of the lists. Thank you for all the support and as always, please message me if there’s anything wrong with the links and I will fix them. Enjoy!

Real World

Sisterinnit - amooniesong 

2.1k 1/1 Family, Fluff 

“Wilbur, do you know anything about babies?”

“Tommy, I am not giving you the talk on my stream.”

“Wha-- Wilbur!” Tommy scoffed, his familiar high pitched laugh blasting through Wilbur’s headphones and broadcasting into the ears of the twenty-four thousand people watching Wilbur. “That is not what-- I don’t-- I mean, what do they do? Other than just piss and shit and sleep?”

A Day on The Farms - Moonbear_Meliox 

1.9k 1/1 Family, Fluff 

They're farmers now

the art and (mine)craft of war - bluesandbirds 

4.2k 1/1 Family, Humor 

Tommy is a gremlin. An absolute, evil gremlin child and sometimes it's a curse to be related to him. But who is this Dream guy, and why is Tommy suddenly talking about him all the time? Alternatively: Techno, nobody is trying to steal your little brother, that would be kidnapping, please calm down.

ok maybe ghosts exist - itsjosh 

1.2k 1/1 Humor 

The ghost stream is as much of a success as it can be.

pick me up, take me home - meridies 

24k 3/4 Family, Angst 

With barely three hours notice, single father Phil receives a new child to foster. And unlike his two other adopted children, Wilbur and Techno, Tommy is seemingly hellbent on creating chaos. As their close-knit family begins falling apart, all four of them are forced to learn what it truly means to have one another.

Fever Dreams - RedHairedN3rd 

1.5k 1/1 Family, Angst 

Phil reflects on when his youngest had a fever.

Just a Fluke - kageyamas_meat_dance

4.4k 1/1 Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Tommy is going through it and isolates himself and everyone else gets really worried. 

The child who is not loved by the village will burn it down to feel it’s warmth - ChipperDotChar

1k 1/1 Angst, No Comfort 

Tommy gets tired of being insulted and treated like a toddler by the people he looks up to, and he’s also armed with a lighter.

A little pyromania never hurt anyone.

Kidnapped - MeltingAutumn 

3.7k 2/? Angst, Hurt/Comfort 

“Tubbo?” Wilbur finally shatters the silence with a gentle, broken voice. “Did, um… did you hear?”

Instead of replying, Tubbo bursts into tears.

A Loud Boys’ Guide To Unhappiness - soupstarsandsilence 

3.8k 1/? Angst, Hurt/Comfort 

Late one night, Tommy runs away. He's going to stay with Will (not that the older man knows it yet), and maybe while he's there he'll remember how to be happy.

Minecraft 

family in all its forms - subwaywalls

6.8k 2/? Family, Humor

Philza joins Dream SMP, finds several children, and realizes he is the only responsible adult here.

A Survivor and His Bloodthirsty Son - CakeCleaner 

7.4k 3/? Family, Hurt/Comfort, Angst 

“You’re a strange one aren’t you, mate?” The piglin gave him a huff that sounded way too deep to be a child’s and an indifferent expression, his previously petting hands retreated back to his side and he stared the elder down with no hints of aggression or fear, as if he was the one dawning Netherite gear and not the other way around.

Or: Phil adopts a little piglin and said piglin grows up into what legends would whisper with fear as the Blood God

“You’re What!” - Thing_Of_Trash

300 1/1 Family, Humor 

Tommy sees what's happening to his Older Brother and knows he has to take drastic measures.

A Winter’s Ball - Syverne 

4.9k 1/1 Angst 

Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, and Technoblade are invited, among others, to restart an old tradition of celebrating the winter solstice by attending a masquerade ball hosted in Manburg. This is the first winter's ball since the devastating volcanic eruption rocked the world and wiped out most of Earth's population - and had strange effects on those who survived. Despite worries that it might be a trap, the citizens of Pogtopia attend this ball under promises of a truce, and Wilbur comes face-to-face with an old friend whom he thought had long turned to hate him. or; Wilbur Soot and Jschlatt dance.

Turn Back Time - ErrorCode_21891711 

3.2k 1/1 Angst 

Wilbur didn't expect to find Tubbo and Tommy turned into children. An accident with potions leads to Tommy and Tubbo being turned into 9 year old children and it's up to Wilbur and the rest of the people of the Dream SMP to take care of they're youngest members until they find a way to either reverse what's been done or wait until it might wears off. They didn't expect to learn some unpleasant things about Tubbo and Tommy's past along the way.

Even the strongest can be weak - fan_fics_are_life

1.6k 1/1 Sickfic, Mild Angst 

Technoblade wants to train Tommy but his health says no.

flower fields (and the bees that live there) - noahloveszombies

1k 1/1 Family, Comfort

niki, tommy and tubbo finally get away from the war.

or; niki becomes a big sister.

Father Goat & Mother Duck - Valkohai  

6.3k 5/? Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort 

Sometimes, a family can be found in even the oddest people. In Tubbo's case, those people were tyrannical dictators. Just his luck, huh?

Don’t hurt him - AlpineWasTaken 

1k 1/1 Angst 

Bad's skin crawled with discomfort and phantom pains as he stood firmly in front of Tommy.

"Don't hurt him."

“Show him the door.” - ViolentVioletEye 

3k 1/1 Series, Family 

Schlatt will do anything to protect his son. Even if it means becoming President for a nation he knows next to nothing about. He's been thrust into stranger situations. He can handle this.

Tar Filled Lungs and Bloodless Hearts. - gayblockz (lizandre)

1.7k 1/4 Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Cigarettes are merely a lousy distraction that keep him from doing what needs to be done. Cigarettes are a futile attempt at keeping warm. Cigarettes are the reason Manburg is still standing.

A story detailing Wilbur Soot's seven last cigarettes.

“It’s okay. I trust you.” - Lilian_nator

1.2k 1/1 Angst

"It's okay Wilbur. I trust you. I trust you will do the right thing."

mother drake (your duckling drowned) - anon

3.8k 2/2 Angst, Character Study

After the Manburg Festival, Quackity takes a walk alone. The thought keeps coming back to him.

Hell Hath No Fury - lavender_macaronss 

900 1/1 Angst 

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” Niki finds out about Wilbur’s plans, and she does not take kindly to them

The trial of Tubbo - EfoxKitty

11k 4/8 Angst, Major Character Death 

It's finally over. They've won and L'Manburg is free once again. The president is dead and his tyrannical regime is over. But now they have to deal with a question: What are they going to do with Schlatt's right hand man? Tubbo, only a child, yet still a murderer. How can they fairly judge his involvement in the new government? By organizing a trial with Tubbo as the main witness/suspect.

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children  (chapter 22)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

It's wednesday. Eret was still plauging on their mind's and yet they still had to meet up with the Dream Team

Chapter word count: 2123

AO3

Something just.. wasn’t right.

They had shown up invited this time, had made extra sure they weren’t being threatening (he hadn’t even brought his nerf guns!) and had watched multiple videos on how you're supposed to treat your friends and still, the ‘sleepy bois’ were acting like they didn’t want to be here.

Or maybe it was like 2/4 of the brothers who didn't want to be there. Techno and Wilbur were both acting off, very off. For a while, Dream had panicked that this may have been their fault, that he or his brothers may have done something unintentionally horrible enough to completely destroy the only sembilience of trust they had - but the more he watched them, they seemed more sad than angry, more hurt than annoyed.

The first warning sign had been Wilbur snapping at Dream.

===

While watching Techno play some game about farming on his DS, Wilbur sat braiding a section of his hair. Recently he had been trying to learn from both Niki and various youtube tutorials, the action of doing someone’s hair was strangely relaxing and it often left him a little upset at the fact that he had no sisters. What he did have instead was Techno and -in his opinion- Techno’s hair was far prettier than any of the girl’s in their class.

Braiding got hard and confusing but it calmed him down, the repetitive action felt similar to how he felt while clicking on a fidget toy but slower. It kept his hands busy but he had to keep his mind active to make sure he was keeping it aesthetically pleasing, it was really just a nice way to wind down. Plus! Techno liked it too!

The events of earlier that day still plagued his mind. It hurt so incredibly much to try and accept that someone he had trusted so much would betray them so easily. Was Eret ever their friend? Was it a joke from the beginning? Would there ever be anyone who would want to actually be their friend? It sure as hell didn’t feel like it. Everybody would always say they loved them then leave, just like Eret, just like their parents.

Being with his brother helped though, it reminded him that, despite everything, he had three people who were always going to love him and have his back.

Tommy was always going to be chaotically positive. Phil was always going to be strangely parental. Techno was always going to be his best friend.

As much as he believed that blood was thicker than water, the human body couldn’t survive on it’s blood alone, it needed water too. He had his brothers but friends like Niki were unfortunately far too rare.

The comfort of being alone with his brother was quickly cut short as Dream had approached, clad in a green hoodie and a new mask. It looked hand made, like they had paper mached it around a balloon and drew on the face with a sharpie, there were also a couple stickers stuck to it but they were pretty small and looked like they were from shows that Wilbur hadn’t watched. Still though, he looked happier than the last time they saw him (that wasn’t hard to do though, he had his mask this time.)

“Hey guys” The boy had hummed as he sat down near the twins, pulling his knees up on the bench and holding them close to his chest. “Why’re you alone? We were going to play bulldog in the forest if you want to join in”

Wilbur just stared back at him, talking felt like such a hassle right now, he didn’t even want to deal with it. It was just so exhausting.

“Uhm...so you don’t wanna talk.. That’s fine uh” Dream had spluttered out, clearly not expecting such a non-response from Wilbur who was usually the most eloquent one out of the four brothers. “That’s fine, that’s cool. You don’t need to talk if you dont wanna!”

Wilbur almost felt bad. Almost. It was clear that Dream was making an effort, it was clear he was trying his best, if this had been when they first met Dream would have likely made fun of him for not talking but he had learnt from spending so much time with them that sometimes people just didn’t want to talk. As nice as it was to know he was trying to be helpful, Wilbur really just did not want to talk to anyone right now. In all honesty, he didn’t even want to talk to Techno. All he wanted was to sit silently and braid his brother’s hair.

“So uh” Dream cleared his throat, looking to Techno this time when he finally accepted Wilbur wouldn't be communicating with him. “Do you two wanna play bulldog with us? Phil and Tommy are gonna play”

Techno took one look at Wilbur and shook his head. Personally, he wouldn’t mind playing with them, making some new friends might be nice after everything that had just happened but Wilbur was just very clearly not up for talking to anyone.

Sometimes people were upset, sometimes you just needed some time to strop and get out all the negative emotions. Techno wasn’t in any position to tell Wilbur he couldn’t feel the way he felt.

“Oh? Do you want us to wait until you’re finished with your DS? What’re you playin’?”

Shuffling over on the bench, Dream tried to take a peek at the game, seeing Techno tapping quickly on different buttons as his character farmed some crops. It didn’t look too interesting but hey! He had learnt that he shouldn’t insult people for what they enjoy.

“Jesus fucking Christ Dream!” Wilbur finally snapped, pushing the boy away roughly. Maybe he was being a bit short-tempered and mean, maybe they had specifically set up this day so they wouldn’t end up fighting but god dammit Wilbur was upset and he was absolutely ready to make that everybody else's problem.

“Just go away! We don’t want to play your stupid game!”

It was clear that Dream had been a little upset by what Wilbur had said, staggering back a little and getting up from where he had been sitting. Despite the fact that neither boy could see his face they could somehow still read his expression, maybe because he was overly expressive with his body parts to make up for the covered face.

“Oh um.. Okay I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pressure you”

Techno sighed, giving Dream a sympathetic look as if to say sorry and then giving Wilbur a bit of a stern glance, clearly upset with his brother for getting mad like that.

Wilbur didn’t care.

Techno could furrow his brows all he wanted, Wilbur was mad.

=== The second warning was a passing comment made by Wilbur.

This time, the twins had finally decided to join in with the group, it had been right after everyone else had finished playing Bulldog so they were pretty out of breath, meaning all they were doing was sitting around talking.

Tommy was leading the conversation, hopping around and pointing to all his favourite climbing places, every now and then he’d grab someone by the hand and tug them up to show them something. It felt like he really just could not be tired out. Even so, the boy was good at reading people, it wouldn’t be surprising if he was acting extra energetic because he had noticed his big brothers being upset and wanted to give them the chance to pull back from talking if they felt like it. He was young, yes, but out of all four brothers he was probably the one who was best at understanding his own emotions.

“So over there is the big dipper!” He was jumping up and down as he pointed to a large blue drop tower that was partially under the ground. “It goes up super high but then it goes into this big pit! Sometimes I like to climb to the top and sit there!”

Phil’s eyes went wide “Tommy you what?!”

George wasn’t too interested in this explanation of the rides, if he was being honest, he was just sleepy from doing so much exercise after already walking around all day at school. The boy flopped backwards into the dirt, taking off his sunglasses and folding them besides him as he closed his eyes.

It felt nice to just lay in the sun, his brothers teased him a lot for always being so sleepy (it wasn’t uncommon that he would miss appointments or commitments because he hadn’t set an alarm) but it was just so nice and so relaxing to just ignore the outside world for a moment and think. Sometimes he felt like he’d probably be good at meditating but then again his brother’s would absolutely not leave him to chill out long enough for that.

He had been expecting to be either left alone to doze off in the sun, or for one of his brother’s to tug him up and make him stay awake, what he was not expecting was for Wilbur and Techno to join him in laying down.

“The sun is nice today” Techno had mumbled as he closed his eyes, clearly getting a little more comfortable with the boys than he had been previously.

Understandably, George was shocked to hear him talking but he decided that maybe it would help if he didn’t bring attention to it and make it a big deal, he knew Dream was only able to show his face in their house if everyone made sure not to comment on his birthmark, if they did the mask was always brought back out.

“Yeah..it’s nice but it makes me tired.”

Wilbur nodded,George was right a lot of the time; it felt light and warm, unlike the humid air that had caused him to snap earlier. Honestly he felt a little bad about it, he had obviously hurt Dream and he didn’t even apologise. Phil would surely be disappointed in him if he heard about what happened.

“I don't understand why you guys are trying to be our friends” Wilbur confessed, scooching up a little closer to Techno so he could hold his hand. “I understand liking Phil and Tommy but why us? Nobody likes us. Sometimes I wish you would stop trying, I already know how this is gonna end”

Wilbur rubbed at his eyes with his free hand but it wasn’t like the other two could tell since they had their eyes closed thankfully. George wanted to object, to tell them that they did like them and that this wasn’t going to end how he thought it would but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t know what Wil meant when he said how it would end and it wasn’t like he could just tell them they were wrong about their previous experiences with people. He ended up pondering what he could say for so long that by the time he had a plan laid out in his mind it had been too long to reply and he had already unknowingly made the decision to just stay quiet.

Dream had heard him though. Dream had seen him rubbing at his eyes. Dream had noticed how he held onto Techno before talking about it.

Something was definitely wrong.

===

Eventually Dream decided that enough was enough.

Today was the day when they would finally talk it out, there should be no upset, no turmoil, no arguments, and yet here they were, upset.

At first, he had been tempted to just call them out in front of everyone but under better thought he realised that was most likely a very very bad idea. He wanted to help, not make things worse.

Instead, he just waited for Tommy to drag his brothers and Phil over to the ‘white house’, saying he had to show them around. It seemed like Techno and Wilbur were planning on staying back so really it was the perfect time to talk to them about it.

Once everyone else had left and was out of ear-shot, Dream made his way back over to the boys, absolutely ready to get yelled at again (which really he didn’t mind if it helped Wilbur feel better). This time though, he didn’t sit down; he just stood in front of them and crossed his arms, wanting them to know he was being serious.

“Wilbur. You’re obviously upset, okay? I understand if you’re mad we’re in your park and we’ll leave if you want us to but can you please just talk to us first?”

Wilbur sighed and rested his head on Techno’s shoulder.

Something wasn't right.

[editorbea]

Cling To Each Other Chapter 5

I’m trying out a new way of uploading these to tumblr! I’m trying to write this consistently, but I’m also trying to-- y’know-- not fail every one of my classes. Bad excuse, I know. Hope you lot enjoy!

AO3

Warnings: None

---------------

The next several hours were entirely uneventful, which would have been nice if it wasn’t for the whirlwind in Fundy’s head. It didn’t help that Techno had seemingly turned him the cold shoulder. The Piglin hybrid sat on his bed, facing the wall, entirely engrossed in his reading, red blanket draped loosely about his shoulders.

It wasn’t that Fundy couldn’t understand where Techno was coming from. He understood hostility, the holding of grudges, the breaking of trust, it was all familiar waters. What he couldn’t understand was the inability to push all of that aside for the sake of pure decency.

How far would you have to be pushed to do that to someone? To hate someone so much that you would take their life before helping them? Fundy pushed the thoughts down. It didn’t matter, anyway. He wouldn’t have to find out.

Fundy had no plans to fight.

Screw Techno. Screw stupid humans and their stupid cities and their penchants for causing pain. He hated every last one of them. He was going to leave and never come back.

Unfortunately, that seemed easier said than done.

He stood, stretching, his mattress making an obnoxious creaking noise as he got up. Techno seemed to tense at the sudden noise, but didn’t turn to look at him. Fundy approached the bars, placing his forehead against them, staring out into the cell block. He remembered from his few ventures into the block that the cells were somewhat staggered, placed at intervals back and forth across both walls, but if he got close enough to the bars he could see both of the cells across the room to the left and right. He couldn’t see any residents, though. He mentally jotted down a reminder to check if there was anyone in either cell.

“What are you looking at?” Techno’s low voice cut through the silence, making Fundy jump.

“The other cells.”

“What for?”

Fundy turned, scowling at Techno’s back. “Maybe I’m looking for a conversation partner.”

“I wouldn’t blame you.”

He sat down on his bed with a bit more force than was probably necessary. Techno’s unshakable-ness might have been an act, but the monotony that he seemed to surround himself with was certainly irritating.

Somewhat disconcerting, too.

“You’re hard to talk to.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Fundy swung his feet back and forth, scuffing the toes of his boots on the cement in a rhythmic stutter. “Don’t you have emotions?”

After a beat of silence, Techno let out a long sigh and turned to look at Fundy over his shoulder. “We have a conversation. You don’t like what I have to say. You snap at me. I take this as an indication that you no longer want to talk. Four hours later, you try to strike up conversation again. Do you see why I’m avoiding you? Avoiding this?” He gestured vaguely between himself and Fundy.

Fundy scowled down at his hands, picking at a nail to avoid looking at Techno. He felt bad for snapping, but it seemed justified. In fact, it still seemed justified. He wasn’t sure quite why he felt bad-- it wasn’t like he owed Techno any particular kindness.

Then again, he could have easily been worse to Fundy. He had shown him around, walked him through his first day, talked to him after he had a nightmare (as desperately irritating as that had been).

“So what do you want me to say?” Techno turned back to the wall. “I’ll leave you alone. It’s no skin off my back.”

“Your hair,” Fundy said suddenly.

Well, that certainly got his attention. Techno turned back around, raising one eyebrow. “My hair?”

“I like… your hair.” Fundy could feel his inner organs melting from embarrassment. He hadn’t really meant to say it, but he was looking for something, anything, to keep Techno talking. The silence in the cell felt oppressive. Heavy.

“Thank you?” Techno’s attention was now fully focused on Fundy, dark eyes glinting in the dingy lantern light.

“I mean-- the braid.” Fundy motioned dumbly to Techno’s head. “Did you do it yourself?”

Techno’s bewildered expression had thawed somewhat, settling into an expression of barely-concealed fondness. “Yeah.”

Words died in Fundy’s mouth, and her looked back down at his hands. He cursed his mind for being so incapable of conversation, but he supposed that was just a side effect of being a forest-bound recluse. Say something, anything-

“Want me to teach you?”

Fundy’s gaze snapped up, back to Techno, whose mouth had turned up slightly at one corner.

“Yes- yeah. Yeah, that would be cool.”

Techno climbed out of his bed, sitting down on the floor. Fundy copied him, sitting on the cold cement cross-legged. Techno carefully extracted a part of his hair, pulling it free from the braid and letting it hang down in front of his face. “So you start by sectioning it into three parts--”

He showed Fundy the left-over-middle-right-over-middle pattern, doing it a couple times until Fundy insisted he had the hang of it, then let Fundy try. The first few times, he messed up, hopelessly knotting Techno’s hair, but after the fourth or fifth attempt, he got the pattern down, painstakingly threading his pink hair into a tiny braid.

“Not bad,” Techno commended, his smile just big enough to show the tips of his sharp teeth.

“That takes forever,” Fundy complained, massaging his fingers, which were tingling from keeping the braid pinned in place.

“Not if you’ve got practice,” Techno replied, leaning back against the side of his bed.

“Okay, then you do it.” Fundy did the same, stretching his neck. His back was already stiff from sitting on the floor, but he didn’t really mind. As obnoxiously meticulous it was, Fundy liked braiding Techno’s hair. The constant pattern and looping of the hair made his brain quiet down into a comfortable hum.

Techno squinted at Fundy for a moment, as if deciding whether to take out his braid to prove his intolerable cellmate wrong was worth it, before sighing, pulling the rubber band out of his hair and letting his hair tumble free.

Fundy’s eyes widened a bit as Techno shook out his hair and combed his hands through it. Out of the braid, his hair was even longer. If he was standing up, Fundy would have guessed it would’ve fallen to his waist.

Techno pulled the hair over one shoulder, deftly pulling it into three parts and starting to weave them together. He made it look deceptively easy, fingers passing the strands to each other like a loom or a well-oiled machine.

“Where did you learn to do that?”

Techno stopped for a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. “My father taught me to do it. He used to get so angry, because I’d go running through the woods and get mud and leaves and grass in my hair, and it would take forever to wash and clean, so he said it was more manageable to keep it like this.”

Fundy blinked. “The woods?”

Techno nodded, already close to finished with his braid. “I grew up there.”

Fundy wasn’t sure why he was so surprised. Techno had never mentioned growing up in the city-- for that matter, he hadn’t mentioned his childhood at all-- so there was no reason for Fundy to assume he had always lived in the city. Still, it was strange to hear Techno say it.

“So did I,” he agreed, watching Techno loop the rubber band around the end of the braid. “Wait, show me how to do that--”

About an hour later, after their conversation had faded into a comfortable lull and they had both huddled back into bed, blankets wrapped tightly around them to block out the damp chill, they received their third guard visit of the day. Techno seemed in no rush this time, waiting for the guard to move on before unfolding from his blanket and reaching for his boots. Fundy hadn’t bothered to take his off after coming back from the fight, which Techno had complained about for some fifteen minutes (You’re gonna get all kinds of dust and grime in your sheets. We don’t get showers enough as it is, you might as well try to keep your bed clean).

“Where are we going?” Fundy braced for some absurd answer, which wouldn’t be out of line considering the day’s events, but Techno simply responded, “Dinner.”

The duo made their way out of the cell. As they left, Fundy glanced into one of the cells visible from their own. For some reason, he was surprised to see that it was occupied. There was one girl, with short, light-colored hair, sporting a black shirt, jeans with mismatched patches on the knees, a dark blue jacket and boots that Fundy quickly clocked as hiking boots.

Techno caught him staring and elbowed him. “That’s Niki.”

Fundy quickly looked away before the girl-- Niki-- caught him as well. He had noticed other girls, sure, but they all looked rough, rugged and muscular. Niki certainly didn’t look like the fighting type, not by a long shot.

“She’s a rabbit hybrid.” Techno answered Fundy’s unspoken thought.

“A rabbit?” Fundy cringed at the doubt dripping from his voice.

“Sheesh, kid, with that attitude you might as well go ahead and condemn yourself too.”

“What’s that supposed to--” One look from Techno silenced Fundy’s offended jab.

“She’s fast. Like, really fast. Whoever lines up matches always ends up putting her with people bigger than her, and slower by that measure. She’s won two fights, one a-”

“Do you just have mental tabs on everyone here?” Fundy prodded as they moved into the atrium, nose twitching at the smell of something emulating chili. His stomach grumbled.

“Not everyone, but it’s not every day you see a rabbit hybrid that can-- y’know-- actually fight.”

Fundy shrugged. He supposed that was fair.

Techno led him to one of the cafeteria counters. The mixture stewing in the massive, industrial-sized pot actually looked and smelled rather good, a mixture of beans, rice, meat and veggies engulfed in a reddish-brown broth. Both boys took a bowl, heading off towards the same table they had sat at during breakfast.

“Is this usually where you sit?” Fundy stirred his bowl, working up the courage to take a bite.

Techno pointed up at the third-story walkway with his spoon. “I usually sit up there. By the door I showed you.”

“Oh. Why?”

“Not a people person.”

Decent answer. Fundy finally gave in, taking a tentative bite of the… chili? It burned his tongue for a moment, still steaming hot, but once it cooled down enough for him to taste it, he was surprised at how good it was. Techno must have noticed his expression, because he said, “They have to keep us well-fed. If we were all sick and hungry, we wouldn’t fight very well.”

Fundy scarfed down his bowl in five minutes flat. Techno watched in amusement, not talking for once to let him eat in peace. “Don’t make yourself sick.”

The two talked for some fifteen minutes, Techno telling stories about almost everyone that passed by their table. With every minute that passed, Fundy became more sure that Techno really did have tabs on everyone in the ring. He found himself becoming more relaxed, bantering with Techno more easily, firing back at every jab.

Things were going surprisingly well-- until Techno’s eyes darted over to Fundy’s left, locking on something as his face fell. Fundy knew who it was before he even turned. He felt a hand lock onto his shoulder, and he turned, staring up into the face of Pandas, the day’s victor. His right eye was ringed with a faint purple bruise, and his bottom lip was split, sporting a nasty red wound, but otherwise he hardly looked any worse for the wear.

“Evening, boys!” His victory seemed to have made him braver. He grinned widely at Techno. “Enjoy the show?”

“It wasn’t bad,” Techno answered coolly. “I would’ve liked to see you get pummelled a bit more, but I guess you get what you pay for.”

Pandas’ grip on Fundy’s shoulder tightened almost imperceptibly. “Oh, and you have paid, haven’t you?”

“I’ve paid about a dozen times over, yeah.” Techno leaned back in his chair, eyes glowering dangerously.

“And what about your friend?” The posse of hybrids that seemed to follow Pandas collectively snickered, sounding not unlike a pack of hyenas. “Has he paid yet?”

“He will,” Techno answered, eyes still focused on Pandas. Fundy felt his heart drop into his stomach. What the hell did that mean?

“Now seems like as good of a time as any, doesn’t it?” Pandas clapped Fundy on the shoulder, and Fundy felt his pulse quicken.

“Let’s not make a scene.” Techno hadn’t made any shift in tone or temperament, but Fundy felt a slight change in tension. Maybe Pandas felt it too, because he took the smallest step backwards, fingers still digging into Fundy’s shoulder. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Fundy registered that that was the same place the man had gripped him when he dragged him down that alleyway. Was that only two nights ago? Maybe that was why the spot was so sore.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Fantastic.”

“But you know it’s tradition. He’s going to get it at some point.”

“Why don’t you politely fuck off?” Techno spoke the words with such hushed venom that Fundy thought he might have misheard him.

Pandas hesitated for a moment, before letting his hand drop to his side. “So you’ve adopted the foxboy, huh? Never took you for a softie, Blade.”

“Leave.” Techno’s eyes had darkened to such a degree that Fundy felt palpable rage in the air, sending his alarm bells into a swinging frenzy. “Now.”

Pandas laughed, although it sounded ever-so-slightly forced. “Enjoy your meal.” With that, he turned, taking his crew with him. For the second time that day, Fundy watched him recede into the crowd until he was swallowed by the clamor.

“What was th-” Fundy turned back around, cutting himself off as he realized Techno had already gotten to his feet, marching off towards the staircase-stepladder. He cursed under his breath, quickly clambering out of his seat, tossing his plastic bowl into the trash and half-jogging after him.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 9/4/20 – TENET! MULAN! I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS (but now that I’ve seen Tenet and Mulan, I’m better)… and More!

It’s Labor Day weekend… it is, isn’t it? I can’t even remember what day of the week it is anymore, and it looks like movie theaters across the country are generally all reopened except for a few specific areas. While theaters seem to be playing a variety of old and new movies – and Chadwick Boseman’s breakout 42, in which he plays Jackie Robinson, will be shown in 300 AMC theaters starting Thursday --  it still feels like we’re not quite where we should be. That said, only three states remain fully closed as far as movie theaters go: New York (eff you, Cuomo!), North Carolina and New Mexico. California is slowly rolling out movie theaters reopening in certain sections but not in L.A. or San Francisco just yet. Honestly, I’m having a rough week, and I’ll be surprised if I even get through half the movies that I have seen and planned to review, let alone everything else I have to do.

Finally! The movie that’s looking to be one of the most controversial movies of the summer, if not the year, comes to the United States. Of course, I’m talking about Christopher Nolan’s TENET (Warner Bros.), his tribute to James Bond movies with John David Washington (BlacKkKlansman) playing a super-spy (of sorts) who teams with Robert Pattinson to perform intricate heists on a mission to find out who has discovered bullets that travel backwards through time and brought them back into our time. Also starring Elizabeth Debicki and Kenneth Branagh, the movie has received mixed to positive reviews with about 76% on Rotten Tomatoes. You can read my full review right here and a second technical review here.

Right now, it looks like Tenet is going to be playing in roughly 3,000 theaters over Labor Day weekend with only a few states fully closed including my own (New York), as well as North Carolina and New Mexico. A few other states like New Jersey and Maryland are reopening but it may be too late to get Tenet in there. California has a few areas open but not Los Angeles or San Francisco.

Although I’m hesitant at making any predictions right now or doing a full-blown analysis – there so many unknowns in a pandemic -- I think a four-day opening of somewhere between $25 and 28 million should be possible even with limited seating in most theaters that have reopened. I think people are ready to go back to theaters despite the negative narrative created by certain irresponsible film critics who seem to care more about their own personal health than that of the industry that has allowed them to pay rent and live large for years.

Another movie that I’ve been looking forward to and actually my most anticipated movie of the year is Disney’s live action remake of their animated classic, MULAN, this one directed by one of my favorite filmmakers, Niki Caro of Whale Rider fame. I cannot tell you how excited I was to finally see this movie after being invited to a press screen back in March, and then have it systematically cancelled as everything else started shutting down. Fortunately, I got a screener and while not my favorite way to watch a movie, I absolutely LOVED IT!

It stars Yifei Liu as the title character, made famous in the 1998 Disney animated movie, and it follows a similar story of a teen girl who steals her father’s sword and armor and pretends to be a man to join the Imperial Army under secrecy. There are definitely major changes in Caro’s version, most notably the lack of songs and no sign of Mushu, the adorable dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy. This is also not meant for small children, because it’s PG-13 not because it has anything terrible like someone waving genitals or swearing but because some of the action does get intense without much blood or anything terrible. I mean, this is definitely a SOFT PG-13, if that’s even a thing.

The movie is gorgeous and in the vein of movies I love like Zhang Yimou’s Hero and Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and it’s even exec. produced by Bill Kong, who produced many of those films. The point is that I love these kinds of movies, plus I’ve long been a fan of Caro’s, and everything just comes together beautifully from the performance by Yifei Liu to the fantastic characters around her, including ones played by Jet Li and Donnie Yen (reuniting from Hero!), as well as an amazing witch played by the indelible Ms. Gong Li, who is also terrific. Sure, there’s a few issues with the dialogue, but this is not a kiddie movie, as much as it’s something on par with the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and I just love all of the decision Caro and her all-Asian cast make in telling this story in a new way. I particularly liked how the film followed Chinese traditions and dealt with things like “chi,” but as with the animated film, the stuff in the army 

On top of the amazing martial arts fights, there are also some terrific battle scene that would do Braveheart proud, and it’s all pulled together by Harry Gregson-Williams’ score, which may be one of my favorite pieces of music this year. Definitely a score I’ll be buying since it brings so much excitement and emotion to every scene, but that’s just as much a credit to Ms. Caro and her fantastic cast, who in a couple scenes, particularly between Liu and Li, had me tearing up almost as much as every single time I’ve watched Caro’s debut, Whale Rider.

I’m sure that fans of the animated movie (which I only saw for the first time earlier this year) will have different expectations, but you can’t fault Disney for being a little bit concerned and undeservedly dumping it to the Disney+ streaming service (which you can watch it at a premium of $29.95) rather than giving it the theatrical release it truly deserved. Honestly, if for some strange reason, Disney decides to play it in a bunch of theaters once they’re fully open, I would not hesitate to watch this again in what I consider a much-better environment for a movie which is likely to end up in my top 10 for year. It’s probably my favorite straight-up Disney movie (not including Pixar or Marvel) since maybe Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella, although I kind of enjoyed Mary Poppins Returns, too.

I also have a crafts review of Mulan over at Below the Line, so check that out!

While I’ve generally been mixed on Charlie Kaufman’s movies that he directed himself, I couldn’t NOT watch I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS, his new movie on Netflix, starring Jessie Buckley and Jesse Plemons as a young couple going to visit his parents, played by Toni Collette and David Thewlis. At first, it looks like they’ll get stuck in a snowstorm, but then they get there and then they leave and once again get stuck in a snowtorm. No, this isn’t Centigrade 2, but actually something far FAR worse, to the point where I’m not even sure where to begin.

It starts with Buckley’s “Young woman” – yes, Kaufman doesn’t even bother giving her a name – being picked up by her boyfriend Jake (Plemons) before the long ride through the snow to his parent’s house. The whole time, we hear her inner thoughts about wanting to break up with Jake for one or reason or another, her thoughts always been interrupted by Jake making a statement that seems out of the blue. When they get to his parents’ farm in the middle of nowhere, things start to get weird, and I don’t want to go into too many details because if you read my review and decide to sit through it anyway, then it’s your own fault.

Apparently, this was loosely based on a book of the same name by Iain Reid, but it was adapted by the guy who wrote Adaptation, so Kaufman pretty much just went off and did his own thing based on Reid’s general premise. What I find particularly weird is that some of the early reviews talked about this movie as if it was a horror movie, but I just don’t see that at all. It’s just a really dry and weird comedy that doesn’t really take off. While parts of it remind me of the comics work of Daniel Clowes (Ghost World), who I genuinely love, other parts just get so weird, and at times, it reminded me of David Lynch’s Eraserhead or M. Night Shyamalan’s The Visit, but only because there are so many WTF moments that you wonder what the actors must have thought while they were doing what Kaufman told them to do. Again, I’m not going to ruin the experience of being thoroughly confounded by some of the weirder moments but after Buckley and Plemons leave the farmhouse, they’re back driving through the snow and having far more intelligent conversations about such mundane topics. At one point, I thought, “This movie must be over soon, right?” and I checked, and there were 43 more minutes to go. That’s when I went from angry to outright ballistic, because I knew that there were so many other things I could be doing than listening to all the talking, talking, talking… They eventually arrive at an abandoned school and go there for shelter, and I was like, “Oh, good, now we get to the horror stuff.” Nope.

I’m Thinking of Ending Things is the perfect movie for the scant few that raved about Darren Aronofsky’s mother!, or those who consider Holy Rollers a masterpiece of the highest order. Awful, aggravating and almost unwatchable at times, I’d only recommend Kaufman’s movie to people as a practical joke. Nah, I’m not that mean. It’ll be on Netflix tomorrow. Good luck with it.

Filmmaker and Rooney* frontman Robert Schwartzman directs his third feature, the comedy THE “ARGUMENT” (Gravitas Ventures), which takes the simple idea of a cocktail party and turns it into a riotous and sometimes strange comedy of errors, of sorts.

Dan Fogler and Emma Bell play couple Jack and Lisa, he a writer, her an actress, who have been together for some time, and Jack is ready to pop the question. After the final of a stageplay Lisa is co-starring in, Jack throws a cocktail party at which he’s gonna propose. He invites over his agent Danny Pudi from Community) and his wife Sarah (Maggie Q) but Lisa has invited her amorous co-star Paul (Tyler James Williams from Everybody Hates Chris all grown up!), who brought his own bubbly girlfriend Trina (Cleopatra Coleman).  As Trina starts drinking, thing just get worse and worse, and it inevitably turns into a full- on fight between Jack and Lisa aka the “argument” of the title. Jack is convinced that if they have a do-over on the night, they can prove who is right.

Oh, yeah. That couldn’t possibly work, right? Well, I’m not going to spoil it, but the one do-over turns into several, which turns into Jack trying to script the perfect cocktail party with the six of them … or rather five after Maggie Q’s character quits in a hilarious huff where she does impressions of the other five. (I’ve always found Maggie to be hilarious from talking to her years ago, and it’s great that her comic skills are finally being used, along with her beauty.) Eventually, Jack brings in actors to play each of them and perform the script he’s written so they can all sit back and figure out where things went wrong. Honestly, The “Argument” is more like the Charlie Kaufman movies I liked (such as Adaptation), and the movie has a vibe a lot like the play God of Carnage, which Roman Polanski adapted into a movie that nobody saw and few gave a fair shake. Also reminded me of Ike Barinholtz’s The Oath, which I quite enjoyed. The main leads are great, but I gotta give additional kudos to Maggie and Cleopatra Coleman, who gives a surprisingly layered performance as possibly the first ditzy African-American not-blonde “blonde” in movie history?

Although Schwartzman didn’t write this movie – it’s written by Zac Sanford who made The Chumscrubber -- he does a great job using his talented cast to throw many surprises at the viewer, and I was laughing quite hardily as the movie went on, because I really enjoyed the characters portrayed not just by the main six but also the actors playing the actors. Yeah, I know it might get confusing but at least this doesn’t have time travel, so if you want a fun and unexpectedly clever dark comedy, do check out The “Argument” which will be in theaters and On Demand, and apparently, you can even order it bundled with WINE?!?!? (*And you can also check out Rooney on Spotify!)

Another really nice surprise this week was Jeff Barnaby’s apocalyptic horror film BLOOD QUANTUM (Shudder/RLJEFilms), which was released on VOD, Digital HD, DVD and Blu-Ray earlier this week but is also on the awesome horror streamer, Shudder, I guess right now? It involves a community of indigenous people in the reserve Red Crow who face the undead when an infection hits the village through a bunch of animals who come back to life and then infect the humans. The movie starts on the first night of this plague and then cuts forward six months when the people of Red Crow have shut themselves off from the rest of the world with the hopes of keeping those still alive uninfected from the hordes of “Zeds” outside their gates.

I’m a little bummed I didn’t have press notes for this movie because there are so many great characters and performances, but it was hard to keep track of them without a scorecard. It does star Michael Greyeyes from Fear the Walking Dead, as well as Forrest Godluck (The Revenant), Kiowa Gordon and Elle-Máijá Tailfeatures, but other than Greeneyes, who plays the sherriff trying to keep his family safe, I could barely keep track of the characters or figure out who played them, and that’s a shame.

I generally liked the recent Train to Busan: Peninsula but Blood Quantum works just as little bit better, mainly from the interaction of the characters in a world full of sex and drugs and gore galore where you never who is gonna get killed but for the most part, they’re likely to go in a way that involves blood that pours like a waterfall. You add to the quick pace of Barnaby’s direction the amazing score that almost sounds like Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, and you have a movie that makes you realize that Barnaby has made a film that perfectly captures the spirit and feel of John Carpenter’s best work. 

I actually watched John Leguizamo’s feature film directorial debut CRITICAL THINKING (Vertical Entertainment), way back in March, literally my very last press screening before movie theaters shut down, little realizing that it would be the last press screening for six months! It’s written by Dito Montiel, who I’ve generally been mixed on, and it’s based on a true story from 1998 where a Miami teacher, played by Leguizamo, tries to save a group of Latino and Black teenagers from the inevitable drugs and crime that kids from the underserved ghetto usually get into by teaching them chess and getting them all the way to the National Chess Championship. I didn’t get to rewatch it to write any sort of intelligent review, but as you can imagine, it has a Mr. Holland’s Opus or Dead Poet’s Society feel, but mixed with the little-seen Disney movie, Queen of Katwe, which I generally enjoyed much more. I do think Leguizamo did a pretty decent job with his first feature as a director and maybe if the crazy early days of COVID weren’t distracting me so much, maybe I would have enjoyed it more. This is a movie that I need to rewatch with a better head on my shoulders.

Tyler Norwood’s doc ROBIN’S WISH (Vertical) takes a look at the last years of comedian and actor Robin Williams, who died from suicide in August 2014 at the age of 63. To everyone who knew him, from close acquaintances to fans, it was a mystery why Williams would take his own life with things going so well in his marriage to Susan Schneider. After his death, the autopsy showed that he was afflicted by undiagnosed diffuse Lewy body dementia, and apparently, that was enough to do his head in to the point where suicide seemed like the only solution.

This is a very different than the equally good Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind, because it does focus so much on Williams’ last years and his relationship with Schneider, who plays a much bigger role in this movie with in-depth and intimate moments. It also does a good job talking to Williams’ neighbors in Marin County, who laud the comedian’s commitment to entertaining those in the community. It also interviews Shawn Levy from the Night at the Museum movies, who talks about how Williams wouldn’t let anyone around him know what was going on, maybe because he didn’t really know himself.

Williams’ death was tragic but even moreso when you realize what he must have been going through, and the only thing else I will say is that the notably teary documentary Dear Zachary may finally have some competition as the most tear-inducing real-life film you ever watch. Even so, it’s wonderful and does as great job shining a light on how hard something like dementia hits people when they least expect it. (Also, the score and cinematography for the film are fabulous at provoking those sorrowful emotions even more.)

Arthur Jones’ doc FEELS GOOD MAN is available right now On Demand via the Fantasia Film Festival and will be available via other film festivals, like Oxford Film Festival, starting Friday. (It will also be in theaters, including Oxford’s drive-in!) The movie follows the journey of comics artist Matt Furie, who drew a comic called “Boys Club” that featured a strange frog character named Pepe, who I never heard of, but apparently, the odd underground comic character went from being a popular meme to becoming a symbol of the alt-right. It sounds pretty crazy, but it is an absolutely crazy story as Furie sees his lovable and peaceful slacker character get out from under his control as right wing kooks like Alex Jones from InfoWars gloms onto him.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I’d find this as interesting as the HBO doc, Beware the Slenderman (which I also happened to see at Fantasia a few years ago), but the way that Jones tells Furie and Pepe’s story is really quite compelling, especially as he (and we) watch the craziness surrounding his character unfold, and Pepe becomes less and less like something he wanted to be associated with. (Furie and his wife spent thousands of their own money-making Pepe T-shirts and merch only to have to destroy it all once Furie gets pegged as the creator of a hate image. I mean, holy shit, this thing gets ugly!)

Apparently, Feels Good Man won an “Emerging Filmmaker” Jury Award at Sundance, and it’s well-deserved. I’d recommend the movie to anyone who likes comics or politics and doesn’t mind when the two things collide.

There are a few other movies that I want to write about that I didn’t have time to watch despite having screeners and who knows, maybe I can watch them over this longer weekend if things aren’t too crazy screener-wise. (I lost quite a bit of time with my trip to Connecticut to see Tenet, unfortunately.)

First, there’s Julius Berg’s THE OWNERS (RLJEFilms), which stars Maisie Williams from Game of Thrones and Sylvester McCoy aka Doctor Who #6 (I think?). It’s about a group of friends who want to break into an empty house in which there’s a safe full of money, but when the elderly couple (including McCoy) return home early, they turn the tables in a deadly game of cat and mouse. Yeah, it does sound like it could be fun, and it’ll be in select theaters, On Demand and digital this Friday.

Also out on Digital, as well as DVD, Blu-Ray this week is the anime CHILDREN OF THE SEA (Shout! Factory/GKids) from director Ayumu Watanabe and STUDIO4ºC who made Mind Game and Tekkonkinkreet. It’s about a young girl named Ruka whose father works at an aquarium where she comes across two mysterious boys who were raised by dugongs (a type of sea cow) so they’re very familiar and acclimated to water, to the point where they have to be in or near it at all times, kind of like Aquaman. I did watch a little bit of this, and I do have to say that it looks gorgeous, definitely more photo-realistic than the work of Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli. I’m sure I’ll get around to watch the rest of it because I do enjoy well-made anime -- Weathering With You and Ride Your Wave are likely to be in my year-end Top 25, for instance – so hopefully, fans of anime and fantsy will check it out.

On Amazon Prime this Friday is Eric Merola’s doc THE ANDORRA HUSTLE, which look at the country of Andorra, located between France and Spain in the Pyrenees mountains, holding a population of 80,000 people who find themselves at the center of one of the most convoluted robberies in history in 2015 when a the private bank Banca Privada d’Andorra was shut down by the government to destroy the Catalonian Independence Movement, leaving dozens of innocent civilians facing jail time for laundering money after losing their life savings.

A couple prominent science fiction series premiere this weekend, including the Ridley Scott-produced Raised by Wolves on HBO Max and Away, starring Hillary Swank on Netflix. Someday, I hope to have

There’s a lot of other stuff that I didn’t have to watch or even think about it, so yeah, this is a little bit of a “lite edition” of the Weekend Warrior, so I apologize. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do better next week.

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!