#maybe for work but if its wonky it can also just be for home

[cryptosexologist]

rain world watcher review its rambling its long nothing of honor is contained here etc: stuck in the right side of Aether Ridge, with my ways out either being Go To A Zone Whose Only Connection Is THE FIRST ONE, taking me on an a-b-c-a route (and i'm not exactly confident theres anything linked to Coral Caves (first zone) that isn't either Aether Ridge still the way that i got there first time or, like, locked behind progression shit (i had to look up spoilers to not ragequit on that locked-from-the-other-side portal, had no clue what i was dealing with). also why the hell would they chop up the original Aether Ridge mod like that but just LEAVE the dead-ends to its subregions just. sitting there. like that. theres so many rooms that feel like they should lead SOMEWHERE but noooope! also the rain is making increasingly less sense why not just go the Saint route for the snowy area (not saying it needs temperature regulation mechanics, though that'd be more INTERESTING actually, but just. have it be a blizzard that kills you at end of timer or some shit X[ )

Also me being "stuck" because the way back is too fucking windy in the wrong direction has honestly looped back around to comedic. I took the wind to imply there was something Worthwhile (hence the new mechanic) thaterways rather than the horrible acid tunnels but instead its leading me in a loooooooooooong circle.

so far my favorite New Area is the torrential railway with barely anything in it that just leads between Coral and Aether, and my favorite part of the DLC was the beginning before *any* of the new regions because watching (lol) the visual changes corrupting the familiar environs in a way that made way less sense than Downpour's timeline goings-on had a good and spooky vibe to it. I've heard theres similar stuff later along those lines but. I need to. Get there.

[carminecarnivale]

Literally no one is talking about this (that I’ve seen anyway) and the episode is old now but I can’t stop thinking about it so I’m making a post anyway.

This is about the scene in Helluva Boss season 2 episode 7 “Mammon’s Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special” where a young imp and Fizzarolli sign to each other.

TLDR: The signing is wonky and the scene feels unearned.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT DEAF AND NOT AN ASL EXPERT. THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION OF THIS SCENE. I DO NOT SPEAK FOR DEAF OR HOH PEOPLES’ OPINIONS.

Right. So, surface level, what do the writers *want* to have the signing mean? What is their desired English sentiment?

Kid: Fizzarolli! I’m a big fan!

Fizz: Come on over here

Kid: I want to be a clown just like you!

Fizz: You can do anything you want to do.

Cool, great. Now, what did they actually sign? DISCLAIMER 2: THERE IS NO WRITTEN FORM OF ASL, ASL CAN BE SORT OF TRANSCRIBED IN ENGLISH BUT IT IS NOT WRITTEN ASL.

Kid: F-CLOWN (name sign, “Fizzarolli”) I BIG FAN.

Fizz: [Gesture to come over]

Kid: CLOWN SAME-AS-YOU.

Fizz: IF/SUPPOSE WANT, CAN-aff WORK.

On the most basic level, this is fine. It more-or-less represents what the writers wanted to be said. But it’s just…not great. It’s so simple compared to what the writers wanted to say. It makes the translation put up on screen look wrong.

The kid makes no indication that they “want” to be a clown, they could very well have been meaning that they currently ARE a clown, maybe even in training. There was no indication of “becoming” or a future signifier. There was a general lack of pronouns making it sound vague. The final sentiment from Fizz is much more grounded than what the writers wanted him to say. “You can do anything!” vs “you could work as a clown if you wanted to.” The difference speaks for itself.

There ARE signs for the sentiment they want to convey!!! They exist!!! LOOK: https://youtu.be/JbfWzc0-R6E?si=FxvbC9l-hvArLPg0

“But wait!” I hear you say. “What if they got the signs first and mistranslated it?”

Since this is an English show for English speakers that must be written in English, no. They wrote the translation first and put mediocre signing in the episode.

Could the sentiment have been gutted for time/animation constraints? Quite possibly! But we’ve seen the kinds of shots the Helluva team can pull off (Striker’s 3/4 turn with the pistol, DHORKs full camera action spin, to name a few) so I don’t doubt they COULD have animated the signing appropriately if they wanted to.

Now, they did have an ASL consultant for this episode (the bare minimum we love to see it, AND on the very last page of credits? wow), his name is Salvador Baltazar. There’s not much out there on him, but he’s primarily an interpreter. There is no way to know what he helped with or how much he dictated the scene and I don’t plan on wildly speculating. It’s great that he’s there, why did he let this signing air the way it did though.

Finally, what’s the purpose of this scene? Why is it here? Why these characters in this situation?

More competent analysts than I have picked apart the woobification of Helluva characters and how, once they’re not a villain anymore, their characterization and morals get completely overhauled to appeal to the “oh he’s so traumatized!” crowd.

I think this scene is a part of that. And it got its desired reaction.

Seeing celebrities interact well with children is already something that would net a character some popularity brownie points. If that child is clearly an “other” and the celebrity does something special to recognize that child? Brownie fucking bakeries.

The purpose of this scene is to show that not all of Fizz’s fans suck, yes, but also to show how kind and nice and thoughtful Fizz is just to hammer home how TragicTM his situation is.

And the fans went wild!!!! Here is a character putting in effort to learn ASL and speak with child fans! Wow he’s so great! He’s so amazing! What Herculean tasks he’s taken upon himself to be so cool! Wow! (Not everyone says it like that, but that was the general vibe of the Helluva tag following the episode’s release).

It got fans speculating; “I wonder if this ties into his Tragic BackstoryTM!” We’ll probably never know because Fizz’s fluency in ASL, his role in the Deaf community, is not something the writers care about exploring. They didn’t include a scene with ASL because they wanted to have a deaf character, they included it to make Fizz look good.

Something a lot of people have brought up about this kid—and rightfully so—is their age. What’s this 9 year old doing at the blow-out clown sex appeal concert? How did they get into the VIP section? Couldn’t you contrast the possessive critic guy with another adult who isn’t gross? Wouldn’t it make more sense if this character was an ADULT at the ADULT SHOW?

Yes! Yes it would! But would an adult signer garner half as many pity points as a young child with stars in their eyes? No. I doubt it would.

This scene is not here to show respect for deaf people. Just like the show doesn’t respect deaf people. I ask you to check out the captions for season 2 episode 6. Go on.

Because you know what you’ll find?

A bunch of loud, keysmashing inanity, that ignores describing what’s being said in favour of making queef jokes. These are not functional captions. For a show that prides itself on being just as professional as what you can find aired on TV or streaming, this is laughably bad. This is YouTube 2013 gaming jump scare compilations bad. And those captions are Still There DESPITE people pointing out that they’re not functional.

From a studio that’s fine with sabotaging their own captions I really shouldn’t be surprised with their treatment of ASL as sloppy, basic, and only really there for pandering.

Jesus Christ, do better.

[bobbydagen24]

"" This is the Thanks I get "" is Technically a Bad Villain song but imo its not for the Reasons people often say it is.

first off I actually love this song lol I know a couple of lines of Dialogue are wonky but Regardless I love it I think its a fun song

it shows a Narcissistic Villain being so enjoyably full of himself and slowly losing his mind Towards the end before eventually just completely giving in to his full on meltdown

and I've listened to it loads of times I think it is just a pretty fun Villain song however I do admit that Technically it is a Bad Villain song.

but the Reasons that people often state why aren't why I think it doesn't work when Hearing criticism of this song most people just state the clunky Dialogue such as "" I let you live here for free and I don't even charge you rent ""

and they say that they think the song sounds too cheery and not very sinister for the most part and like it doesn't really sound like a villain song

especially not when compared to past Disney villain songs such as Hellfire or Be Prepared or Friends on the other side

but the Reasons I feel it Technically isn't a good villain song is because it simply does not fit with the character Magnifico was established to be at the start

he was a slightly full of himself but mostly Humble powerful leader who did the things that he did out of fear of losing his home due to a great Trauma of having lost his old home and his entire family when he was younger

he was a more understandable sympathetic ends justify the means kind of villain who's side the audience could understand to an extent even if we know he's still wrong in what he does

so a song like this doesn't fit his established character as like I said its fun and upbeat as it shows a very narcissistic petty person slowly losing his mind over not getting what he believes he deserves

from people and thus in an act of extreme pettiness resorts to using a dangerous dark magic book to gain back control of the situation

this song seems like it should be for an entirely different character

its like if the lion king established in the first half that Scar is Bitter and Resentful towards his Brother

and doesn't care about him or his nephew at all and only cares about the power and respect he believes he Deserves

only for his villain song later on to be The Plagues from Prince of Egypt where suddenly Scar is portrayed as a stoic and conflicted villain

who loves his Brother and Nephew so much and Hates that he has to be on opposing sides to them but he feels he has no choice.

my point is it just ignores the kind of villain he was set up as earlier in the movie the version of Magnifico they set up in the first Half

feels like he should have a more somber slow and quiet villain song imo where he maybe calmly sings to himself about how much he loves his home and his people and of course his wife

and as he slowly starts Remembering the Tragedy that befell his old Home the song turns more Desperate with Magnifico clearly trying to Block the idea out of his mind

that this new threat to the kingdom could cause the same outcome and maybe he actively tries to talk himself out of using the dark magic book

trying to convince himself History won't Repeat itself but the song turns straight up Horror with us seeing big flashes of Magnifico's old Home

being Burned to the Ground and his loved ones Ripped away from him that he loses the calm cool composure he had at the start of the song

and becomes more and more terrified and thus Desperate that he resorts to using the book corrupting himself further but its portrayed as much more scary and also tragic.

just an idea.

so yeah like I said that's why I feel the song Technically isn't a good villain song in the story of the film even tho I do love it and I listen to it all the time

it can be pretty fun to sing along and act a little full of yourself lol.

[mmc-veronica]

A≒A'≠A - A’ English Translation

Trigger warnings: Death and suicidal ideations

UM. so i finished this quicker than i thought i would. THERES A LOT OF STUFF HAPPENING IN THIS TRACK… i did translate/format half of this on my phone so sorry if its a bit wonky 😭 when i first listened to this i remember being kind of like “?????” lol… also i.. have not proofread this so sorry for any mistakes. anyways, translation under the cut!

Hello? Honey? It’s Etan~

Actually today I have a feeling that I can get home early today, so maybe we can see each other soon~...

Eh?! For real? Then let’s just meet up somewhere… by the way, where are you right now?

Oh, oh, then that would be closer to Tokyo Station.

I’ll be there in forty secon… no that might be impossible, but I’ll be finished with work in five minutes so wait for me somewhere, or you can just go ahead and meet me at my place, that might be a bit more convenient!

Alright! If you get there before me, feel free to make yourself comfortable! Then I’ll see you later, mwah!

It’s been a while since I’ve been this tired… Yo, yo! My Honey’s shoes are already here!

Honey~! Are you alright? Did you bump into anything? I’m home, I’m home, I’m home!

This situation where I come home and my honey’s right in front of me… Isn’t this a bit too good? It’s so priceless that my heart won’t stop racing! Hug~!

Hah… this is nice… coming home from work and being recharged with my Honey!

All my worries and stresses from today are replaced by happiness that I feel like I could redo this entire day and feel fine~

Huh? Of course, I’m fine! I seriously hurried over here after those five minutes, you know!

Could it be… Did my Honey make me something or do something for me?!

Are you serious? That’s seriously the best! By the way, what did you get for me? What are you going to make for me?!

This is so good~ Anything you make is good! Like, seriously, somehow everything tastes like my Honey!

It’s okay! There’s nothing to worry about! This handmade hamburger steak is a given, and once this frozen potato side dish was warmed up it’s Honey-flavored, right? Mmm so good…!

Thank you for the meal~ Thanks to your nice surprise I’m in such a good mood! I’m so satisfied that I’m filled with so much inspiration for ideas for a new song!

Right, right! Well, even once the release relay starts, we NSFW are the exciting last performers, so we’ll start putting in some serious effort soon~

Well, yeah, kind of. When it comes to the performance we haven’t thought of anything yet. The other members are still out and playing around. Even so, I think we still have to produce a happy song that breaks our boundaries, so the people who listen to it will be so happy that they want to start dancing!

That’s right, as the ambassador of this name I want to keep working hard.

Well that was the plan, since my happiness has reached its limit. But you see… Mm… There are some things I need to start cleaning up… before I properly become an adult…

Well before that, Honey over here! Come over here!

No, no! That can wait until later, It’ll become a hassle!

When it comes to cleaning up, I’ll properly do it all later, so…!

I caught you~ so from here on out its the start of my dessert time~

This is…! Hyper delicious sweets! Not even a ten star rating will cut it! Just one bite won’t do, so I’ll just have to take my time with having a taste~

I’m so refreshed! Then Honey, you were alright with… Yo yo?! What is this! Isn’t this a sight! My honey, wearing my shirt and sweatpants! Oh… this is too attractive…

Oh okay, okay, help yourself to any drinks! And why are you watching the news? That’s a bit bland!

I see, I understand the sentiment. Background noise just to keep your nerves at bay is always good. Especially if you’re alone.

Yeah, you’re right. Except I’m not sure what’s been changed specifically. The drinking and smoking age has been the same. Passports… you can get after ten years, right? Damn! I don’t know if it’s because of this country or not, but if someone goes out on a whim and decides to become an adult then that’s a bit of a problem~ Even with me, there’s a lot of stuff I need to do.

Hey, honey? You call me A, right? Ever since we started dating.

Yeah, true, but… For one, you don’t call me by my real name so it’s fine and I like you calling me A but…

I am A but this- If I said I was a fake A, what would you do?

Did I scare you? I guess we are similar~

I’m actually a twin. The one on the right is me and the one on the left is my older brother. The real A, without the dash.

The one that started the band and went by A, that wasn’t me. That was my brother. But…

He died.

A bit before we turned fifteen, he was crossing the street and a truck came… He… He… I’m fine. I’m fine now. I’m sure you can guess what happened. What I couldn’t say all this time, was this. Whenever I think about what happened, I can’t stop from panicking, so I've made sure to try not to think about it. My parents and doctors have all said to hurry up and forget about it, but not just the incident. They want me to try to forget about him as well. But, I can’t help myself. Especially recently. I have to keep him in my memory, or he’ll be scared right? I keep aging, but he’s alone, in the body of a kid. To think that he’ll be forgotten by everyone…

It’s kind of too late for this, but can you listen to me? About the real A that you don’t know.

I’ll make sure that I’ll remember properly, so if it’s you, it’ll be okay.

Yeah. Of course I know. No matter how stupid I am, I know you’ll wait for me. Up until now you’ve done that already. I won’t push myself. So first I want to talk about some of the easier stuff.

To outsiders, we were both little troublemakers. But, on the inside we were actually good! Basically, we would come up with ideas and run around messing with the adults! Well we were identical, right? So we would switch classrooms and see how long it would take for them to notice! Right?! But if no one notices, it takes the fun out of it, so in the end we would just tell them ourselves, especially him. I would say to him, “We were doing so well, so why did you tell them?!” and we would get into arguments, but, when we came up with our next prank, we would just make up without a word.

We went into middle school, and he suddenly said he wanted to join the light music club. I liked music too, but I never thought of doing it myself, so I was a bit surprised. I guess it was then… the crowds of people we hung out with changed bit by bit, but we still got along well, it was what it was. When he started being the singer for the band he was in with his buddies, it felt like he kept getting sucked in by the music. He was all like, “A musical star being born doesn’t sound that bad!” and I started watching his practice sessions with my friends. When we were third years, they had a farewell stage at the cultural festival, and of course he was super excited, but he got sick out of nowhere! I would say he got too excited and he got sick. Catching pneumonia and going to the hospital, coughing everywhere, he kept saying “I let down my bandmates and underclassmen,” I felt bad for him so I said, “Well, do you want me to stand in for you just this once? We look the same and we sound the same, so if I copy your singing we can just trick them like that!” Just like we did in the past.

Yeah. I sang in his place. I thought I did perfectly… Well yeah, in the end we were figured out. Well, I guess we revealed it, he did, that is. I’m not sure. That’s what I wanted to ask. Then, that day, I met with him on the way back from class, and… From that time, I really can’t remember much. No matter how hard I try, I can’t recall anything. When I came to, I was in the hospital. No, I wasn’t injured, but…

Yeah. That’s why I don’t like hospitals, even now. I blacked out without even realizing, and when I woke up, I was told that he had passed, and I couldn’t even attend his funeral. I was the one that invited him, and if I didn’t do that, then the incident wouldn’t have happened…

No, I’m fine! If I’m able to tell you this much, I can keep going. I want to tell you everything.

It was from there, where I started thinking, “I want to hurry up and die.” That was all I could even think. Even after getting discharged from the hospital, I was a mess, and I felt like even eating was meaningless. Then, I just started messing around here and there, and was surrounded by weird people. Yeah, the weirdest people I’ve met up until now, those are the current band members. That’s kind of the punchline here. Well, I’m not sure why, but they told me they wanted me to sing for them, but once I thought about it, I thought that it wouldn’t be that bad. And I could stand in his place… because the one who really wanted to sing was him, but he can’t anymore, so there’s only one thing that I can really do. But, I didn’t want to steal his spotlight, so I put ‘ at the end of my name. I’m A, but I’m also not. An imposter that is identical to A, A’. Well that’s obvious, isn’t it? We were seriously inseparable, where one of us was, the other was there also, and we would always go to each other for advice. If we were together, I thought we could do anything. No matter how old we get, nothing would change, is what I thought but… but then why… If that’s the case I should’ve died instead… I wonder, I don’t even know what really happened. I don’t even remember. Before the accident, we were just chatting, and according to the police, it turned out the truck had ran a red light, but… Even then, I blamed myself, that I was in the wrong… No way. There’s no way. If he was here right now, he would never blame me. That’s the kind of person he is. If… I was really in the wrong, he would probably just laugh and say, “Seriously, what are you doing? Rather than that…!” Huh? No… it’s nothing. Yeah. No matter how many people say we’re so similar, I can only think that he was more mature than me. We’re twins, but I can only think that he’s my older brother.

Maybe… Well, there’s not much I can do! He’s not here anymore, and I need to make something of myself. To make something of myself… that’s…

I know. Becoming A’… it wasn’t a mistake. I met you out of it too. Right now everyone’s waiting for me. The A with a ‘’s songs. From starting as an imposter…I couldn’t do it without reason.That’s why I said at the start, that it’s okay. I wonder if he’ll forgive me too, if I keep using the name A’ and continue making songs. Me? Yeah… I think he’d say “Go for it, as long as you’re having fun.” Well of course you’d get along with him! If you can get along with me, then you could with him. I guess it was all in my head… If I think about the type of person he is… then I have a feeling it was.

Haah… Yes!! One song finished~! No matter how I think about it, this is good! Now that’s said and done, the second song… I can leap this hurdle easily. I guess regaining motivation does help…

Why isn’t there a towel hanging here?!

Sorry, I guess I can’t reach you yet. I guess you knew that already though. But I hope you’re waiting excitedly for all the stories I’m going to tell you. I’ll have fun for the both of us. Even singing, and this dazzling world of adulthood.

[new-berry]

Charlotte Trippier /Sasha Atwood fem slash, not true, NSFW. Almost aggressively neglectful of spelling and grammar.

Notes: I’m sure Kat Kane (Harry Kane’s partner) and Lauren Fryer (Declan’s Rice) are lovely people. But. This is fiction.

Kieran’s at the euros. Charlottes taking kids to the funfair and posting feel cute might delete crop top pictures. Sasha is pregnant and should ask if the other Kieran rumours are true and Jack has not stopped being Jack.

…../

She shouldn't be doing this. But then Charlotte shouldn’t be getting her tits out on insta, and Jack shouldn’t be putting profiles on Raya poorly disguised. So really. In the field of bad decisions it’s Jack, then her, then Charlotte. And this bad decision is at least half Charlotte’s fault.

Also, she’s horny as fuck and doesn’t know of any one of her previous flings that will be up for a no string roll in the hay with her with this stomach. And that could also be trusted to keep their hands off her tits.

They aren’t exactly friends, close enough her asking to drop in with a breathy breezy tone was given the green light. Not close enough despite sitting in the same row at international tournaments to ask why Charlotte isnt at the one currently happening in Germany.

Charlotte’s kids are at some kind of play date. And at some point Sasha should work out how to organise them. She should finish the nursery and she should find the kind of friends she would ask those questions to. Not the kind of maybe-friends that she backs against the door shoving her tongue into their mouths.

Charlotte gasps, which is good. Means her mouth is open and its way easy to shove her tongue all the way in and keep some kind of aggressive control. Control she keeps right until Charlotte sticks her legs between Sasha’s things and grinds them together.

And yeah, horny as hell and Jack’s greasy mitts are very unattractive when all she can see if his hands typing out the exact same come-on’s to multiple models.

"Bed," Charlotte says. In the past they usually used wine as an excuse. Sneaking a fag when Kate Kane and her deputy head girl Lauren weren’t looking.

She wants to ask if it’s worth it and if Charlottes going to stay when he’s home all the time and if the rumours about Kieran and the wonky faced scouser that plays here are true, but she wants to get laid more.

They probably are true if Charlotte’s taking titty shots and not just posting them to stories. The two of them walk fast to the bedroom Charlotte towing her unprotesting along behind her. Fuck it’s the master bedroom, all the curtains open and white sheets on the bed.

So Charlotte is truly pissed and whatever. Maybe she’ll come back when her mother can baby sit and they can drink really expensive wine on Jack’s dollar and she can be the kind of friend that asks.

Charlotte’s taken over the kiss now, “not my boobs” Sasha gasps out and opens her mouth almost sucking Charlottes tongue back into her mouth.

Charlotte wrenches her mouth away and slurps an obnoxious loud kiss on her neck. “Don’t care if it bruises,” Sasha blurts out. Charlotte stops short of teeth though. They are both in crop tops and workout pants. Not the kind anyone would actually wear to the gym.

Sasha’s have a maternity waist. She hates them but now that she isn’t hiding anything behind boho smocks and handbags it’s too fucking hot for anything else.

“Wanna leave it on?” Charlotte’s fingers ghost against the bottom of the crop top she’s wearing and Sasha nods.

“Mine are fine,” she snarks out when Sasha doesn’t move. Sasha rollls her eyes but unhooks the back of the low cut top Charlotte has on. There is a gold chain that she leaves on, but then takes off the black push up bra that’s holding everything up. Sasha rolls her nipples between her fingers and Charlotte seems into it for ten seconds until she shoves up at Sasha.

Thinking back she doesn’t know why she bothered trying to even control the kiss. Sasha lies on her back. The ceiling is the kind of blinding white that speaks to a recent paint job. Turning her head the curtains are new, the carpet still holds the lines that someone else, not Charlotte, has vacuumed into it.

They may have been closer to Germany than Sasha realised. Not exactly the kind of girl friends that call at night to panic over the future.

Charlottes taps her hips and she arches her back up to make it easier to get the leggings and her knickers off. They’ve talked at night. Sasha thought it must be easier, that Kieran had boyfriends that had something Charlotte didn’t. Half the models Jack fucks could be her sister.

Her younger sister now and the hormone soup she’s in makes her eyes feel hot and glassy for a second before she blinks that all away.

Charlottes fingers are clever and quick and that’s all Sasha concentrates on.

“Fuck,” she says, all wobbly and desperate when Charlotte rubs at her clit. Her fingers are a little too high up and Sasha pushes them down, uses more pressure and Charlotte shakes her hand off to take over.

It’s not some slow wave. She’s been thinking about this, fucking Charlotre or at least getting fucked by her since she got in the car. Her knickers are probably already wet, assuming this was the end game, based on other times. A conference room at Wembley, the hotel they had in Qatar.

She wouldn’t have made a point at saying the kids were away if she didn’t expect them to end up here as well.

This isn't - there's no real buildup, but there’s no one to hear her moan and swear and no horse faced honey blonde to sharply notice if they aren’t wearing the appropriate length denim shorts with their England shirts.

Sasha’s wet and aching, and Charlotte slides two fingers into her with a wet push and has her using double swear words. All ‘Jesus fuck’ and ‘goddam holy shit.” Charlotte's fingers are almost too good And it’s on the tip of her tongue to blurt that out. Charlotte smirks and slinks down the bed to eat her out.

When she looks down Charlottes eyes are closed, her stomach is curved up but not enough to block anything out. Sasha desperately wants to grap her own boobs except that will hurt, nipples pressing into her bra more than enough simulation.

Charlottes eyelashes are dark and longer than the last time they met up. She’s sucking Sasha’s clit and still fingering her and it’s been less than a week since she she got laid but Christ it’s all she’s been thinking about today and it’s so fucking good.

Sasha rocks up and Charlotte clamps her hand around her hip to hold her in place. She probably still swearing, digging her fingers in the sheets. charlotte's lips stick is holding firm and her top lip is sticky. Sasha comes and Charlottes doesn’t let up

Rubbing her finger down the line of Her body from her cunt to her ass but not pushing in, licking around her clit tongue flicking until Sahas comes again even better this time, her toes cramping and she pushes her off.

Charlotte is taking her own workout pants off. Black knickers with the same lace that her bra had. Sasha takes a moment to think of the sensible maternity bras that her mother tried to get her to buy, the models that look happy and like they have eaten nothing but bread and cream for the week before the photo shoot and takes over yanking Charlotte’s pants off.

She’s wet too. Sasha remembers that. How much she likes being in control, the two of them kissing after a smoke, a bitter taste swapping from mouth to mouth. Charlotte’s hands messing up her hair.

There’s some speech she should could make but she just rests her hands on the damp short hair over her cunt until Charlotte impatiently moves her fingers to the right place.

Sasha’s hands feel inflated these days, clumsy like she not used to. She licks into her, moving her tongue letting Charlotte set the pace. She’s a bit dazed when Charlotte comes grinding into her face and laying back.

“Come up here” Charlotte says. “Have a cuddle.” Sasha’s knees feel wobbly, always off balance off centre these days and flops on the pillow next to her. There’s a lamp and phone charger on the bedside table next to her. Charlotte’s phone and a matching lamp on the one next to Charlotte.

Charlotte's sprawled, completely unconcerned. But she’s softer than when they first arrived. She wraps her arm around Sasha’s shoulder and lets her curl into her side. Sasha wants to ask her about the lipstick she’s wearing. And about cute maternity bras and if the green juice is worth how fucking dire it smells.

Sasha wants a nap, and goddammit a snack and to know if it’s worth staying and, putting her hand on Charlotte's waist if it takes a long time for your stomach to look that flat again. She wants to ask if this is a change in your brain when you get knocked up. That suddenly you are always thinking of twenty things at once. But. She doesn’t want to know any of those things yet. No more than she wants to lay here in the aftermath of pleasure. No particular time frame at all.

[srhunt]

Thoughts on Shadow the Hedgehog (2005)

Shadow has been my favorite Sonic character for years. My earliest exposure to Shadow was at my local Boys & Girls Club. We had a GameCube where kids would take turns playing games. I distinctly remember watching several kids try to beat the final boss of Sonic Adventure 2, though I didn’t fully click with it at the time. My first real exposure to him was through cutscenes posted to YouTube in the early 2000s because I didn’t have a gaming console growing up. I would watch Sonic X when I was able, specifically seeking out the episodes with Shadow. When I finally got a PS2, I got Shadow the Hedgehog because, well, Shadow.

I was not great at it. I struggled a lot because of the slippery controls, flying off stages, and bombardment of bullets. I maybe got through one ending if that.

And for the longest time, that���s all I really had. I got a PS2 towards the end of its lifecycle, the PS3 was already out and I struggled to find other titles.

I had other Sonic games like Sonic Unleashed, Sonic Colors, Sonic and the Black Knight, but outside of party games like Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games and Sonic & SEGA All Stars Racing, Shadow the Hedgehog is still the only story driven game I own where Shadow is playable*.

So, when the recent news about Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Sonic x Shadow Generations dropped, I decided to finally beat Shadow the Hedgehog after all these years.

Over the course of 4 days, I worked my way through the 8 remaining endings I had left (having completed the true hero path and the semi hero path a few years prior). And after a decade of owning the game, I beat it.

So what are my thoughts?

While I can acknowledge the game’s flaws…I still don’t hate it.

I’ve watched several videos that explain why this game is terrible, from the mechanics to the butchering of Shadow’s character. And I agree.

Chaos Controls

The game is hard to control, I recognized this even growing up, but I mainly chalked that up to “I’m bad at Sonic games”, which is also true.

Until I beat Shadow, I’d never beaten a Sonic game because I lacked the reaction time. We’ve come close, we’re at Eggmanland on Sonic Unleashed, but I had never beaten a Sonic game.

I even tried to play Radical Highway on my friend’s copy of Sonic Adventure 2, and I struggled hard with the controls.

Shadow’s controls are indeed wonky. Multiple times my homing attack would send me flying off the stage, Shadow wouldn’t aim at the enemy right in front of him, and I’d miss jumps because Shadow would stagger on the edge of a platform.

After I learned how to better manage these flaws, the game became much easier. I began to slow down my homing attacks so I wouldn’t fly away, and started jumping before the edge of the platform. This didn’t erase these problems, I still fell off the stage from time to time, but they didn’t happen as frequently. I got so good that I got A Ranks on the neutral paths for Westopolis and Prison Island.

Shadow’s air shoes make him slippery to control, but I feel like all Sonic games are slippery? Maybe that’s just me, but even with Adventure 2 and Unleashed, I felt like I was slipping and sliding all over the place. So, with Shadow, I’d slow down a bit if I felt like I was going out of control. Granted, this is still a Sonic title where speed is key, so the advice to “slow down” is not really the best if you’re going for all A Ranks.

I Think You’re the Fake Hedgehog Around Here

This is the game where Shadow gains his “Edgy Hedgie” status.

He has guns!

He says “damn”!

He hates humans for killing Maria! (Even though…that’s not what Maria wanted)

He wants to learn the truth about his past cause amnesia’s a bitch! (Even though…he already learned hakuna matata in Sonic Heroes, apparently)

Yea, I admit this game is a huge step backwards for Shadow’s development. Post-SA2 Shadow cares deeply for his closest friends, mainly Rouge and Omega, but is reserved around others. He’s a hedgehog of few words. He has respect for Sonic, a little bit of a rivalry, but it’s not to the extreme where Shadow hates him. He doesn’t hate humans, but if push comes to shove, he will defend himself if they attack him first. This side of him is well illustrated in the cutscenes for Sonic Heroes and, yes, even Sonic ���06.

However, this is not the Shadow we see in his titular game. Shadow’s cold towards Sonic, he sounds annoyed anytime he shows up. Depending on the path you take, he becomes downright cruel. He never really talks to many of the other characters outside of the ones in cutscenes. And when he does speak to them, it just feels out of character most of the time. Shadow has a distain for humanity, commenting how they’re pathetic and he doesn’t have time to for them when the Black Arms begin destroying Westopolis.

However, there are a handful of parts where the Shadow of Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes can be seen.

Any level where Maria is your companion is a good example. Especially the cutscene before Lost Impact.

Cryptic Castle Hero, you help save Cream and Cheese, afterwards he heeds them to stay away from Doctor Eggman, showing he does care about them.

The Pure Hero path is probably the closest you get to Shadow’s true character, even though there’s still a few moments that feel off. “This is like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me” is probably the most out of character line, and you’ll only hear it by doing Hero missions.

Apparently this line still relevant to Shadow, as he steals popcorn from a Chao in an official Sonic Team Racing animation.

This might be a hot take, but the Dark Path on Final Haunt didn’t feel like a sudden betrayal to me? The way Sonic talks during and after the fight makes me feel like he saw it more like a friendly competition. Especially when you compare his dialogue to the other endings where you fight Sonic.

Final Haunt Dark Path

(Before the Boss)

Sonic: “Shadow! Why are you siding with those black creatures?”

Shadow: “Siding with them? You’re joking, right? I’m just siding with whoever goes against you! This time you’re going down, Sonic!”

Sonic: “hehehe, if that’s how it’s gonna be, Shadow, then bring it on!”

(Start Boss Fight)

Sonic: “Alright. Ready to do this? Come on!”

(After the Boss)

Sonic: “…Man…I didn’t think ya had it in ya…”

Sonic’s delivery makes it feel like he’s not angry with Shadow, but that he’s impressed. At least that’s how I read it anyway. He doesn’t sound distraught or scared like he does in the Pure Dark Path, he just sounds exhausted cause Shadow put up a good fight.

Sonic even offers Shadow a “friendly competition” if you do the Hero Path in Westopolis, but Shadow declines because he’s got other priorities at the time. He still doesn’t agree with Black Doom’s mission, he just wants to take Sonic up on his earlier offer.

Regardless, this game has had a lasting effect on Shadow’s character that he’s still trying to shake off. He went from a solemn hero who cared deeply for his closest friends, to an angsty anti-hero who only cares about himself.

Thankfully, it seems like he’s starting to get back to his old self in Sonic Prime (I’ve only seen season 1 and a handful of clips from the recent seasons, haven’t been able to get caught up, so correct me if I’m wrong).

Let’s hope Sonic 3 and Sonic x Shadow Generations continue to repair the damage.

In His World, Your Choices Don’t Matter

Shadow’s gameplay has three paths you can take; Hero, Dark or Neutral, with 10 possible endings. You can mix and match these paths however you please. You can start Dark then redeem yourself, turn on your friends in an act of betrayal, or just say “nah, imma do my own thing”. This freedom of choice was a massive selling point for the game. Do you want Shadow to be a “black-hearted evil” or “brave-hearted hero”?

This freedom of choice is present in a handful of my favorite games, like Epic Mickey and Undertale.

But, Shadow fails at this “choose your own adventure” format. Yes, your choices impact which of the 10 endings you get, but none of these 10 endings are the true ending.

This is apparently left over from the Sonic Adventure-style games where you had to play everyone’s storyline to unlock the last story, where all the characters join together and fight the Final Boss.

However, this format does not work when we follow one character for the entire game.

In order to unlock the true ending, you have to complete all 10 endings. And if you’re someone like me who always goes for the good endings because being mean makes you feel bad, then this will be a hard pill to swallow.

The Last Way begins with Shadow already in possession of all 7 Chaos Emeralds, we have no idea how he got them, so basically every path you spent hours playing mean nothing. They’re not canon. Only a few parts here and there are still relevant past this point.

No matter what you did, Shadow will always turn on Black Doom, destroy the Black Comet with the Eclipse Cannon, and save the world. Which kinda negates the whole “choose your own adventure” gameplay.

Epic Mickey’s ending is also the same no matter what you do, Mickey still defeats the Blot and frees Wasteland. However, you’re still shown how your actions impacted the residents of Wasteland. For example, if you choose to paint the Clocktower boss, you see it happily playing with some Gremlins. But if you destroy it by thinning its arms, you see it lying in ruin.

Shadow’s endings are more like the ending from Clue.

The only parts that remain canon are the Chaotix story, and conversations Eggman had with Shadow on the Neutral path.

Throughout the game, the Chaotix are digging into old files. Charmy is looking for secret disks on Prison Island, Vector is looking for the notorious computer room on the ARK, and all three were hacking into Eggman’s computer before Digital Circut. The data they found contained a video message from Professor Gerald addressed to Shadow. Gerald explains the purpose of the Eclipse Cannon, and we’re shown it was recorded before Maria’s death, as she pops in at the end.

That is one revelation that enhances Sonic Adventure 2’s story, in my opinion. Professor Gerald created the Eclipse Cannon to destroy the Black Comet when it returns in 50 years, only using it against humanity after Maria was killed.

If you battle Devil Doom past the 9 minute mark (which I did a handful of times because I’m a terrible shot), Eggman will tell Shadow he lied about him being an android and that he rescued Shadow at the end of Sonic Adventure 2, and he is, in fact, the real Shadow. Which…I feel like was obvious because our Shadow had more polygons than the androids.

Also the Sonic Heroes manual straight up says that he is the real Shadow and he survived the events of Sonic Adventure 2, so…

Where There is Shadow, There Must Also Be Light

I’m the type of person who always tries to find the good, even in the worst things. So here’s some things about Shadow that I did love.

The pre-rendered cutscenes look amazing. Almost 20 years later, and they still hold up.

By the way, guess who worked on these amazing cutscenes? After watching the credits 11 times, I noticed a couple names in the credits, Jeff Fowler and Tim Miller. Not ringing any bells? Well, Fowler went on to direct the live-action Sonic movies, and Miller was a producer on them. This is their only Sonic credit outside of those movies, so I think it’s safe to say we wouldn’t have these awesome movies if it weren’t for Shadow.

The soundtrack is also great. “I Am…All of Me” is still one of my favorite Sonic and Crush 40 songs, “Never Turn Back” struck a cord with me, and the rest of the lyrical songs had me vibing while I took a breather during the credits.

It might just be because I had to replay the levels multiple times, but I’ve had a handful of those tracks stuck in my head for years. Circus Park, Sky Troops, Lava Shelter and Cosmic Fall are a few that stick out. “Vengeance is Mine” from Sonic Adventure 2 returns as the soundtrack for the 2P Battle Mode. Yes, it took me a long time to realize it was the same song. Even when Sonic games are “bad”, they never slack on the soundtrack.

Goodbye Forever, Shadow the Hedgehog

I consider Shadow the Hedgehog to be one of my guilty pleasures. I recognize there’s a lot of things that don’t work. Shadow’s character took a drastic turn that he’s still trying to recover from, the controls feel like roller skating on ice, the “choose your own adventure” gameplay forgot about the “choose your own” part, and it’s so edgy you can slice your hand open just by touching it.

But despite all of this…I still enjoy it? Even though I was annoyed and exhausted by the game, I still had fun. The good parts are still good enough that I unironically enjoy them. And the bad parts at least can get a laugh out of me with how dumb they are. “Where’s that damn FOURTH Chaos Emerald?” and “Find the Computer Room!” are classic Sonic memes.

Do I recommend beating Shadow? Oh hell no. Not unless you’re a serious Shadow stan or a masochist. I’d say play as much as you can tolerate.

*in the time since I wrote this, I got a copy of Sonic Heroes. Currently stuck on the Power Plant level with Team Dark. HOW DO I GET PAST THE LAVA??? 😭

[fireproofphoenix]

So I've been playing Palworld and it's scratched that itch I had back when Ark was also new and wonky as all hell. I love finding wonky shit that will be patched soon enough that I otherwise would never had seen if it was a polished game already. That's not the point. The point is the day I reached 365 in-game days on my character, I was taken to Hell and God spoke to me.

This is a somewhat long tale because I can't seem to tell a story without lots of details but ehh.

Now I know it wasn't intended as such but I know what I know man. See I'm all about breaking games. I enjoy speed running and clipping objects, and let me tell you about unintended files stored as magic boxes behind a fireplace in Skyrim! Naturally then, I have used some less than authentic things in the year.

Have I maybe held a conversation about the pros and cons between two Chikipi in the inventory of a Black Marketeer while my Quivern roasted him alive in the background so I could loot his corpse of 35k gold? Perhaps.

Have I ever intentionally instigated a riot in one of the only civilized parts of this island of nightmares? Have I led that bloodthirsty mob then against the leaders of the cults and/or organizations that control the island with the intent of forcing their leaders and their partner creature into a sphere thanks to an exploit allowing me to catch them? It's possible.

But no, instead me and Immortal the Shadowbeak decided to visit his home realm. See I was doing the now-known trick of butchering a pal and then riding them to prevent them from dying. Didn't realize how it worked, really, i just knew to try riding him during the second loop of the animation. I'd discovered this from dropping the controller in a panic as my cat made a mad dash and knocked over my coffee.

I figured out the rhythm of it. I was killing and harvesting this beast endlessly! It refused to stay dead under my guiding hand. Sure it was eternally blurred out with that pixil-y cloud, but that's because we should not gaze directly upon the divine, as this death transcendent hippogriff clearly was. I explain this in a sleep deprived mania to my roommate. They suggest a nap. I disagree. Another coffee means I can continue the immortal butchering.

Then we Fell the first time. I'm no stranger to being out of bounds in a game mind you. Hell my favorite mining route meant clipping through a mountain in another game. This is Fine™ so I land in the water under the map. Recall people saying online that the dungeons and whatnot are just hidden pockets under the world. Maybe that's where I was? Didn't care. Immortal Shadowbeak was there with me still. I continued the butchering unimpeded. Must get technology books for unlocking more shelves.

Over time I have repeatedly entered the Undersea. Sometimes its from exploring, but no, I have a Rushoar and he is called Sæhrímnir and he will take me to the Undersea every time. No matter what. Every other Immortal has regenerated every reload of the save and lost their pixel cloud, but remains censored to this day. But a man needs bacon for his eggs so I butcher him like his namesake to feed the people.

Now, like every good casserole recipe, the backstory is finally set, so onto the tale. On the day of my character's 365th day I rolled out of my bed and walked out of my keep. I did a full tour, remembering my tiny three walls and a roof to how far I'd come with my Pals. It'd been a long year, but I decided a feast! We must celebrate! Not just me and my party, but all of us shall enjoy Sæhrímnir! No salads for breaks today!

So me and Sæhrímnir get into position on the Bloodstone. I'd read having one stone foundation away from everything helped with not falling through the ground and while it worked for everyone else, Sæhrímnir is more Divine and thus immune to that so once again I'm riding his not-a-corpse down to the Undersea. I figure I need more meat to fill everyone, what with food level 7s everywhere, so i continue meat making.

Sæhrímnir decided I'd been flaunting his immortality I guess because later at the party he suddenly burst from his palsphere and I was like "Weird, but okay" and decided I'd try "petting him and calming him down" before tossing him back into the sphere. I was still holding the butcher knife I guess and started disembowling him on the table in the center of the picnic area in front of everyone. Only the Immortals knew what they were, having been killed at the Bloodstone far from the eyes of the rest, and now they knew.

But I wasn't gonna let Sæhrímnir die, so I went through the rituals the same as always and down to the Undersea we went. I prepare to go back to base via the keep inventory option in conjunction with the die and respawn button in the menu. It's routine at this point.

"Come" I hear an older man and younger woman say at the same time. I just happened to be looking at Sæhrímnir, about to return him to his sphere. His pixilation ended at that one word and then we started falling through the Undersea. In that short fall, I wondered if we'd fallen somehow into one of those dungeon pockets. As we landed I knew this was truly not somewhere I was supposed to be.

See, the grass was much more gray than green, but there was grass and ground under my feet in every direction I could see. The issue was, I could not see that far, only about five to ten feet through the thick white mist that was static and yet animated. No wait, that part just moved, but the smoke texture wasn't animated. I cautiously begin moving through the mist, careful that the ground may end yet again. Try finding Sæhrímnir, but he's gone. My palspheres aren't working, my character not even trying to throw an empty hand.

On the side of the screen, I see my character has eaten another plate of bacon an eggs. I'm still alive and eating, so that's a bonus. Means this isn't unsalvagable, but curiosity has me. I check and I have all my weapons. The firearms shoot into the White Void and my ammo count went down, so they work. I reload and set off further and faster into the mist.

Even fully sprinting there's nothing but knee high gray grass and flowers and the mist that is everywhere. I opened the map and it says I haven't left my base. I know I've been running in the mist for easily five minutes. I encounter a tree. It's texture is on inside out and is more or less just a mass of spiky vectors in a dead tree shape. I continue. Minutes pass, more trees appearing in the fog. I saw a pal fragment node but it vanished as I approached.

eventually as I get bored, I notice the day is about to end and I consider respawning and going back. The Sun turns into a Moon in the dial and I hear a crashing sound like a felled tree. Everything flashes and the grass is suddenly green, but the mist is turning black like ink. Horror movie vibes as hell. I'm rooted in place watching this glitch and needing to know how it ends.

The double-voice says something again, but they're no longer saying the same thing. Too brief to comprehend what it was. Haywire audio files, no big thing. Happens a lot. Sæhrímnir then appears, or perhaps another boar like him. It squeals and does its death animation as the fog finishes becoming black. Night must've finished falling in the Overworld---

Lights start coming to life around me, brightening and dimming slowly. Lifmunk Statue green and data log/fast travel blue lights started pulsing in the void. I made the mistake of trying to run to one. The camera spins as I start running. Moving is controlling the camera now and the camera is moving the character now. No problem, lemme just unlearn decades of gaming muscle memory real quick.

"COME" the Twin Voices cried suddenly, static accompanying the word. Feel backdoor room vibes and get goosebumps. My nerves are suddenly both taught and shot at the same time. My character has fallen into the distortion world ffs. Time to abort. I select Respawn in the menu. My character doesn't die. Try several more times to no avail. Try double jumping and my Galeclaw still refuses to answer my summons. Palspheres are still not working.

As I get the idea to just hard-close out the game, the sun begins to rise. Like a disney movie, rays of gold and orange shoot through the black and dispel it....why are the rays of light twisting? They start bending around and twisting around invisible objects my character doesn't collide with. Wait, that thing over there kind of looks like part of the assembly machine---

The entire screen suddenly turns white and I hear a sound like a dozen digital demons as the game crashes. I reboot the game and I'm standing in the middle of the party, still in full swing around 4 in the afternoon on the 365th day. Nevermind my night going through the Shadowrealms like I'm mfing Ra crossing the Duat. Nevermind that I saw beyond the veil as many Islanders wish for and I found only horrors.

I prepare to log out when I check my party. Sæhrímnir is gone. He never returned with me.

The Immortal Pal Experiments have been halted at this time.

[mdhwrites]

Miku Can't Sing, But She Can Pass the Vibe Check

Colorful Stage: The Miku Who Can't Sing is a fascinating movie to me. On paper, this should not work. This is a spoiler free review so I can't say too much but like... From go, they just throw out this term Sekai and while it is shown what that is, what it is never explained. You just have to roll with it, like you have to roll with the fact that there are twenty main characters and maybe a quarter of them get named in the movie. From a normal writing standpoint, it's odd.

Odd is not bad though, especially when its oddities are to serve a purpose.

This is a movie that understands that slowing down for the sake of things like exposition, rather than just focusing on charm, character and theme isn't going to serve it well. It wants you to be able to roll with the punches and never really asks that you know these concepts in depth. You don't need to know everything about these characters, you just need to know they're friends, maybe their personality and get some cute interactions from them.

Despite this, the movie is not fast paced. That actually wouldn't work because things would move so quickly as to leave you drowning. Instead, it's human, charming and entertaining. It wants to tell a human story of connection, perseverance and struggle and never deviates from that goal to the point that it never needs to.

This is all helped by very good animation (minus a couple wonky shots), great music and good ideas to make sure its lowkey moments are not boring. It is a much breezier watch than one would expect and I should know seeing as I watched it at 11 at night when I usually am in bed by ten at the latest. If it lost me too much, I was going to pass out and instead by the end I was energized and absolutely there for it and that's also despite not being someone who does great with subtitles. This movie managed to hop those sorts of barriers and stride confidently towards its conclusion with the confidence it deserved.

This is not a perfect movie. I think if you're not a creative, you might lose a bit of what this movie is trying to do even if it actually does acknowledge its topics are universal. It does feel bloated at times and the characters are REALLY hard to distinguish between sometimes, not helped by the other vocaloids that show up mostly just to be there in the background. There are reasons why critics are not super excited about this movie.

But if you meet it on its own terms, you'll find a beautiful song reaching back to you. One that more than passes the vibe check needed to make its story resonate and to fight the darkness that we all face in our day to day struggles. See you next tale.

======+++++======

Oh, final note: I'm not a Vocaloid fan. I've listened to like ONE song with an actual Vocaloid singer. Most of my exposure to Miku is art of Miku and just her general existence. I did not go to this as a fan, I went because my brother saw it earlier in the day, in a town an hour away from where we live, came back, grabbed me, and dragged me out to see it. That is also partially why this blog is so late in the day because we only got back home at TWO THIRTY IN THE MORNING. But it was well worth it, in my opinion.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[wiltedsunflowr]

9th December, 2024

Next month on this date would be my birthday. I will turn 22. Two decades and some. But on that day, I would be all alone, far away from home. So, let’s pretend that this 9th is my birthday.

I also get to be with my brother who will leave tomorrow. I won’t be able to see him again for a long time.

The new place looks great. Its open and well-lit and there is lots of greenery around. It keeps me wanting to work. Mum and brother have furnished it very tastefully. Winter would have been so depressing if I had to stay at our old home.

Brother worked on his paper models and gave me a world of trouble. I cut him a bowl of fruit but he didn’t eat that. The permisons were heavenly. For breakfast I made each of us and omelette in butter. I like to have a lot of herbs in my omelette but we didn’t have any at the moment. The first one was a bit wonky but the next one turned out great.

I was really really cold. I felt so cold that I couldn’t think beyond that statement. My mind just kept on numbly repeating that. I made chamomile tea from some expensive tea leaves which we got as a gift. It smelt so beautiful. Sort of sour but not like lemon. I kept poking him until he woke up so that he could take a whiff of the beautiful fragrance.

When I was cutting up the different fruit. It felt so great for my hands to be doing these new actions that I don't usually get to do. At the hostel I do not have to cook, so motions of cutting, chopping, peeling, etc become a rarity for my hands. It was like partaking in a sort of sensual delicacy. Mum left early for office.

For lunch I made rajma with rice and heated up the leftovers from yesterday’s dinner. When I asked brother to take a look at the rajma while it was cooking he complained that the tomatoes were still raw and I hadn’t learnt to do basic cooking even after so much time. That made me really mad. That and the cold. And the fact that the water heater broke down. And I started wondering, why I had come home at all. But at lunch when he ate it he genuinely liked it.

Warm rice with ghee and warm dal is so fulfilling. Brother kept playing south Indian films in the background. Its kinda annoying but that is what we usually do together. It was nostalgic like that. One of the movies had a butchered up version of Buffon’s needle problem to justify the existence of doppelgangers. Or maybe I am reading too much into it.

Network was really slow so I couldn’t get any work done. So, I washed a load of clothes and took a nap until mum came back at 4. While I was travelling on the train I actually got a lot of work done. Study wise. So I guess, one day off, wouldn’t make a difference. At night, brother packed his bags. Mum made dinner. It feels great to have a slow, unplugged day like this.

Brother challenged me to see who could do the greatest number of push ups. He won of course. He’s gotten really strong lately. Then he showed me that you could skid along the tiled floor of our new place like a duck.

They announced a national level exam that I need to take. Next year is a really important year for me. I like cooking and doing all these small house chores for a change. But there is so much work to do academically. It always feels like I am doing as much as I can, but it doesn’t match up to what is really needed.

Happy birthday to me!

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 9: Hackers

Finally watched Hackers for the first time and aaaaaaah it is so good. I had heard it was good but I wasn’t really sure otherwise what to expect, and honestly my immediate reason to watch it was to see the outfits and Matthew Lillard (in his Outfits) being deranged. But it really drew me in just about every respect.

It did feel a little long to me but not necessarily in a bad way, more in a ‘there is a lot going on here.’ It didn’t drag but it had a lot of story. Also, I started watching kind of late and my stream of it was a little wonky so I had to pause it with some frequency to get it to stop skipping, which made it longer. My only other sort of complaint is they really just abandoned Phreak in jail, huh? I mean presumably he was let out at the end but we never see that happen, and he also presumably was not out on bail (…racism?), which meant he wasn’t even allowed to be part of the big climactic scene. That felt sort of sad because he had been a significant character before then.

But—these are quibbles honestly! I really, really loved it. So well cast, such great costumes. I loved Dade’s mom and his relationship with her. I don’t know what I was expecting necessarily but definitely not that, not for her to be both so supportive and so funny. You love to see it. And I also really liked Dade, how he was clearly very talented but he wasn’t the MOST talented, he wasn’t like the savior or the main genius among all geniuses. He was significant to the final hack but he wasn’t the one to bring it all home. He clearly did have next level skills but there also wasn’t any indication he’d actually broken parole, which is to say he’d been out of the game for years. That’s smart story telling because it allows him to be an audience surrogate to learn things (not vocab per se—that’s Margo) but the NYC Hacker scene, but I also think it would be tempting to still have him be magically, inherently, naturally, heroically better than the rest despite his disadvantages. To have it both ways in a sense. Like I really thought he would win the contest against Burn if for no other reason than to get them on a date, and maybe also to make it clear that, you know, she’s good, but she’s no Male Protagonist. I would say that it was really a tie, though. She says he was declared the winner at the end but before the contest was really even over she was changing the game: not betting the date but betting the dress code. (He should have been wearing a dress in the last scene though.)

He was also just generally really sympathetic, I thought. Maybe I was expecting too much Mr. Robot lol (and there were parts that reminded me of Mr. Robot, especially when all the hackers got together) but he was… a pretty normal kid, and his weaknesses were the intensely relatable ‘new kid in school can’t find the office’ and ‘teenage boy thinks teenage girl is pretty.’ He wasn’t nerdy but he wasn’t cool; he fit in with this subculture pretty easily, but he didn’t dominate within it.

 And it was so 90s… but not in a dated way, honestly. I kind of was expecting it to be in some sort of inevitable way, not just because it was made in the mid-90s but because it was about something so cutting edge at the time, but it was totally immersive. I wasn’t thinking ‘oh how 90s’ very often and never in a bad way. It’s aesthetically over its time but I like things like that, that don’t try to be timeless because that generally means generic. Also generic things can become dated too and then it’s all that work to be bland for nothing. I was pretty young when this movie came out so I don’t personally remember computers of this era very well—we did have one in ’95 but it wasn’t a laptop and I, personally, a first grader (?) was not exactly the one using it. But I remember, you know, more of that more general era than Kids These Days would for sure. So it was sort of a weird combination of familiar but old-school tech, like the floppy disks, and before-my-time tech like the laptops and a lot of the interface. I used dialup for a long time but I guess I’ve blacked that all out because it took me a sadly long time to figure out why they were always congregating around pay phones—duh, because they needed the phone lines lol.

I liked the balance between the Big Storyline, which was fun and decently suspenseful and had a satisfying conclusion, and the more lowkey, let’s fuck around and hang out with these kids and explore their specific subculture. It was good at combining the two also, like the content to annoy the Secret Service agent: that’s part of the larger story line in a tangential way and it’s important for the character development/romance of Crash and Burn, but it was also pretty clearly just an excuse for some fun hacking mini-adventures.

Anyway, I loved it a lot. I could see myself watching it repeatedly for sure.

[mystikalrootz]

Mercury Retrograde 

21° in Virgo  12:59 pm (PST)

8/23-9/15

Here we go again!  It’s Mercury Retrograde time!  3-4 times a year Mercury laps Earth as we orbit the Sun which gives the impression that Mercury is moving backwards.  During this time we experience disruptions in all things Mercury related such as communication, technology, travel and health and home matters. Depending on what sign Mercury moves in will depend where this affects the collective.  Regardless of its placement tho, some things are KEY during this time and  it is important to implement all the “Re” actions and practices you can, and avoid beginning anything new if possible. 

Renew, refresh, rewind, reflect, revise, revamp, research, rethink, return, revisit, refrain, reorganize, retreat, retrieve, reconnect, recommit, resolve, and repeat are just some very good guide words to keep at the forefront as you move through this sometimes confusing and frustrating retrograde energy. You will enviably see funny memes saying “I’m not responsible for what I said during Mercury Retrograde” which I too find funny BUT this is an excuse for being an intentional asshole and blame a planet for it… I don’t REspect this type of thinking. Mercury in Retrograde gives us the gift of slowing down and reflecting on things that may have soured in the past few months. It lets us return to the things that are meaningful and maybe recommit to things or people that we have forgotten about. You can breath REfreshing air into an already started project or return to a hobby or skill you have done further REseach on to make it a success. 

*ABSOLUTELY BACK UP DATA

*Know that you may not understand what others are trying to say the first time they say it and vise versa. 

*Double check all forms of communication for clarity and that it is going to the correct person. (Texts, emails, DM’s, letters, cards, bills, payments etc)

*Try not to travel or make travel plans.  This can sometimes not be avoided so making sure vehicles are running smooth, airports are arrived at super early, and prepping for delays is a good idea

*Don’t sign legal papers or contracts is possible. I actually told my old job’s HR that I would come sign my retirement/separation paperwork the next week when Mercury Retrograde had left it’s post shadow phase! Not sure if she understood me but she complied! If you MUST sign these types of papers, read them over thoroughly and maybe take a friend to read also. 

During this particular Retrograde, Mercury is spending the entire time in one of its home signs, Virgo. It stations to go backwards at 21° in the sign and then stations to go direct again at 8°. The grounded Earth energy of Virgo is caring, health aware, nurturing, organized, thoughtful and even sensual. Mercury can be used beautifully here to reflect on any health matters you have wanted to attend to, revamp your dietary plans, or even research more earth based ways to a healthier life. Pulling out some half finished organization projects such as filing gone unfinished or storage bought but never used is also great here. This particular placement can really hit your work and day to day activities so beware of this and take the proper mindset and awareness. If a program crashes, laugh, know it is Mercury, go for a walk, and come back.  You will more than likely find the issue is corrected. Be sure your not sending personal things to work peeps and vise versa as this is also a common mistake. Your co-workers may be cranky and moody leaving YOU to be the vibe. Why you? Well, your aware of this wonky ass energy and chances are, they aren’t. Be kind and show compassion or if your like me…SHARE THIS INFO!! Mercury and Virgo energies love information and love to teach others. That being said, with ALL things you try to teach or assist with at this time, be careful not to force yourself on others. When Mercury is in Virgo we have a tendency to over think and over “help”. Others may feel you as overbearing and the possibility of you feeling rejected is very possible. 

Personally, I am loving the feel of this retrograde!  With the loving support of the Sun entering Virgo (email subscribers got that energy walk through) just hours before Mercury starts its backwards dance, there is a vibe of self care, nurturing, journaling, and full on relaxation that is much needed with the 2023 weirdness many have experienced. If used properly, the next 3 weeks could be the REset you need in order to finish off the year as the bad ass you are!  Happy Mercury Retrograde!!

If you find value in these forecasts, please consider a small $5 donation as an exchange of energy using the link below 🤍

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Overworld Mobs Were a Mistake

In a lot of fantasy games there's the concept of the Overworld Mob. We'll just ignore the weirdness of singular units being referred to as "mobs" in MMO spaces. Language evolves. This is a creature that has a place in the terrain; Some are entirely stationary, many have a range - essentially their territory - with their walk-around animations having random directions but those random rolls taking in info about how far they are from their home point, and a rare few even have a specified migration cycle, where the "home point" in question itself moves around the zone. A lot of overworld boss monsters in older MMOs were fully random, basically walking around wherever they wanted within the full breadth of a zone (sometimes with "safe zones" for PCs carved out; things like hidden camps, or major cities the monster wasn't willing to assault).

Generally an overworld mob post-2000 has a pretty fast respawn cycle unless it's a major boss. Few games these days have a zone that can be emptied of wildlife by a determined murder-hobo with too many levels. There's some interesting design stuff to consider about respawn duration, because you want it fast enough that a jerk can't make everyone else unable to do "slay 4 wompus birds" quests but not so fast that the one you just killed respawns immediately; That breaks immersion and really undercuts any quests about killing monsters specifically to control population.

So. City of Heroes.

On the one hand there's a piece of the fantasy that involves leaping rooftop-to-rooftop and seeing a mugging in process down at street level and flying into action. On the other, there's the above immersion-break that these interchangeable supernatural gangsters are immediately back to mugging someone on the same street corner you just arrested them from. I can imagine the mechanic's defenders saying this parallels how Batman has ended up having several stories about getting discouraged by the fact that Gotham never seems to actually clean up with all the work he does. But it doesn't feel the same.

Also, the game just doesn't play out that way. The reality is the overworld mobs of City of Heroes end up being more related to old concepts of zone progression; a kind of "you must be this tall to ride" system that stops the level 5 characters from walking around the level 50 zones.

The problem with that, of course, is that in City of Heroes most of the "level 50 zones" are still inside a civilized city. There's something wonky about a game where Plainclothes Bob can walk down the street past the weirdo space-nazis or the magic soul-stealers and they don't harass him, but if you make a superhero named Plainclothes Bob and make him look just like the other citizens and walk around, they will pick you out of a crowd and they will murder you the second you walk into the wrong zone.

Regular overworld mobs are deeply outdated. They're the most rote and paint-by-numbers part of almost every MMO. They're usually the least interesting encounter type. In games with standard traversal - Diablo 4, for instance, has teleportation to cities you've visited, and other than that you're on foot or horseback - overworld enemies are meant to keep the player on their toes and give them something to do between story beats, maybe also stress how the corruption of whatever evil besets the land needs to be pushed back by your heroic deeds.

But in a game with lots of nonstandard traversal - Spider-Man, for instance, or City of Heroes - the whole game makes a lot more sense if you have no Overworld Mobs, per se, but rather a series of events. A Mugging. A Drug Deal. A Dark Rite. A Bank Robbery.

Basically I think CoH - or some new version that tries to fill its shoes, if anyone makes the attempt after Champions' failure - should have something more like the FATEs you see in FFXIV...and then not have overworld mobs at all, outside of those events. We've got the processing power now to include a bunch of non-monster characters at street level to make the city feel lived-in. CoH already had the system where most of the content was instanced; players entering a warehouse or skyscraper through a clicked door, or clicking on a helicopter to be carried to a forest somewhere near town. And running around killing random goons is the least interesting part of an MMO. This is even true when they tie it into the plot.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Mortal Kombat (Anderson, 1995)

I wouldn’t call this a childhood favourite by any means, but it was certainly one I saw a bunch of times as a kid and not since, so that fact that was on Tubi and threatening to leave in a few days was good enough reason to give it a rewatch after all these years. One scene that I more or less remembered was the one where Johnny Cage punches Goro in the… you know… and the chase and fight that ensues. And the reason I remembered this was not just the scene itself but that, seeing it as a child on a CRT television of not extravagant size and likely at the mercy of poor reception, I’d imagined at the time that I’d actually seen Goro’s … you know… flailing about during the chase scene. And that after seeing the movie, when I drew a little doodle of Goro, I sketched out his… you know… And I don’t remember if I drew this doodle at school or at home, but let me tell ya, whoever saw it was NOT happy! Anyway, that’s my little trip down memory lane.

As for the movie, I suspect a lot of this comes from the source material, which I’m only vaguely familiar with (I’ve played some of the games at arcades and family friends’ houses, but never owned any myself), but the tournament plot and trio of heroes with an Asian lead seem greatly indebted to Enter the Dragon. There’s some logic behind this calculation, as Enter the Dragon was tasked with selling the concept of martial arts cinema to American audiences, so it would make some sense to use its template when trying to sell the concept of video game movies, which had only been around for a few years prior. I will say that I appreciated that, unlike some of the movies that followed where Hong Kong stars tried to cross over, the movie actually lets Robin Shou be charismatic and funny. I suspect because he wasn’t a big star and didn’t have any major baggage, there was no need to try to package him into anything specific. I also appreciate that the other heroes, Linden Ashby (the aforementioned puncher of Goro in the… you know…) and Bridgette Wilson actually hold their own in the action sequences, which was not true of at least one of the heroes in Enter the Dragon (John Saxon, I love ya, but c’mon), and that Ashby gets to be a doofus in exactly the right measure to allow for self deprecation and humour but not undermine the movie with self awareness. There is a baseline of respect you ought to pay the material here and I think this movie pulls it off. And you round out the cast with Christopher Lambert, who kinda nails the subtly exotic qualities of his character, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, who plays the role with a good deal of menace. Also, for some reason I got real excited when I recognized Peter Jason, despite the fact that the movies I remembered him most clearly from, Trick or Treats and Texas Lightning, are not good. Sometimes “hey, it’s that guy” provides a certain frisson.

I will say that while I liked looking at the outdoor scenes, because there are temples and vines and greenery and sand and sun and what have you, I did not like looking at the indoor scenes, which are lit in strong, kind of dark colours calibrated to a level I found unpleasant on the eyes. For some reason, there’s a lot of maroon in this movie, which did not make for a pleasurable viewing experience. That being said, despite the wonky CGI, this is shot on film and there are actual sets so maybe I shouldn’t complain so much. I will also note that unlike pretty much every other Paul W. S. Anderson movie I’ve seen, the action scenes here actually work as action and not inert, self contained exercises in framing and movement. Sure, you can feel that some of the scenes feel like Shou is moving at half speed so the American stuntmen can keep up (or at least it does if you’ve seen Tiger Cage II… what a movie *chef’s kiss*). But unlike Anderson’s other movies, where ridiculously overpowered heroes engage in totally arbitrary back and forths before the confrontation is resolved in the lamest possible way, the action scenes here evoke a sense of actual struggle for the heroes and as a result, some semblance of progression. The movie on the whole plays like slick, energetic hackwork (take a shot every time a variation of the awesome techno theme comes on the soundtrack), but Anderson, like Zack Snyder, seemingly turned out his most enjoyable movie before he really developed a distinct style.

[spidori]

I like trying to figure out how a given absurdity would work. In this case, I don't think it's even particularly difficult.

Ectoplasm (in its ultrapure state) is simply unpatterned energy which happens to be particularly prone to imprinting a sufficiently strong conceptual pattern. A game could absolutely provide the necessary patterns of *sustenance* and *delicious* for the ectoplasm to 'encode' itself with and form around. So yes, it makes sense for Danny to be able to eat and gain actual sustenance from videogame food at the very least; once the ectoplasm has been imprinted it 'thinks' it's food, and Danny's wonky biology is already able to process ectoplasm so he can eat it and gain full nutritional value from it as long as the programmer cared enough to generate a sufficiently strong emotional pattern while coding it.

But did you catch the second trick suggested by all of the above?

Ultapure ectoplasm can imprint really easily, imprinted ectoplasm doesn't naturally lose it's pattern without quite a bit of work; the food that Danny gets in game, it's now in a stable state of "I am X food" and will remain as such unless and until acted upon by an outside force. And most videogame food? Doesn't spoil. Always stays as hot as it was out of the oven. Never loses its flavor.

I think the question is, once Danny has some Ecto food, is he able to pull it out of the game?

Because if he can, he's absolutely going to fill his fridge with it. It would streamline things for him sooooooo much. He gets to game and do groceries at the same time. He never has to worry about anything in his fridge going bad. And he doesn't have to worry about people wondering about how he appears to be in the game (you already streamed that honey, in all your Attention Deficient Danny-ness) if he just pretends he's making the food that appears in the games.

Just one problem. Danny, as mentioned, is the second D in ADD. He probably should have thought about how all of the food in his fridge was still technically just really well imprinted ectoplasm. He also should have considered the fact that, normal people, CAN'T CONSUME THAT! He really should have considered all of the above, along with the fact that there would be no way for anyone who couldn't sense ectoplasm to tell that his fridge wasn't actually full of delicious delicious snacks and meals, before he invited his friend(s) over to his apartment and sprinted off to use the bathroom while telling them to "Make yourselves right at home" like any good Midwesterner.

So.

Who just ate ectoplasm? And is this a case of the civilian ID of a hero who died before and can maybe stomach it just fine but just revealed their identity? Or did Danny just accidentally liminalify one of the Flashes or something?

Okay this is going to drive me INSANE. D:>

Dearly beloved, Phandom darlings...

Can DANNY EAT VIDEO GAME/TV FOOD?

I... I NEED to know. You don't UNDERSTAND!? Think about it. No, seriously. THINK about all those HIGHLY unrealistic, too good to be true, PERFECT looking meals. Animated shows n games etc where there are chefs who will "cook for Anybody!"

Now think about being 14 going 20. A teenager. A broke college student. Your fridge is empty and everything you touch? Comes back to LIFE. You're... you're just so hungry. Tired. Your bruises have bruises and you have a paper due tomorrow.

I kinda want to CRY.

Can only eat cup ramen so many times before you DO.

And this show? That commercial? Yonder cooking game?? Well... they did a REAL good job animating it. It looks so WARM. So FILLING and COMFORTING. You can practically SMELL it.

You look down at your sad, soggy, cheap but you can afford it, EZ Noodles and? Feel something BREAK inside. You... you KNOW you can travel inside technology. KNOW this. Have done it before. Why... why AREN'T you? You can't keep living like this.

You gotta TRY, right?

I? Wanna believe it TOTALLY works?? Because Ectoplasm is weird like that? And just shrugs? Says "actual food, the concept of food backed by electricity, what's the difference? Sure, we can fuck with this"? And so Danny? IMMEDIATELY fucking switches his diet.

Like? Dead stop screech, slam on the breaks, u-turn to take that last off-ramp. Type IMMEDIATE.

Grocery bill? No, no, you mistake him! No. NOW it's his "carefully researched for their cooking, games and shows" bill. Touch his collection and he'll FUCKING BITE.

They got sticky notes on the cases. Menus n lil fold out "grocery store" locations. He punched a dragon for this fruit. Mmmmm, home cooked meeeeeals~

Just? Weird Foodie Danny. Yes he DOES know what those steaks taste like. While YOU fuckers were staring at the cat girls bizangas, HE was eating granny cat lady's home made meatball stew! Ha! YOU FOOLS!

More then that? I want him to write reviews. Like "yeah, fight system was OKAY but- *5 hour glowing rant about the food, sounding like a food critic who'd actually fucking gone and loved it* " and people are like?? Who? Is this funky lil madman? This is hilarious?

I want it to be DPxDC JUST? So everyone slowly starts to play the game "Meta or Shtick?" Because no one REALLY knows who he is. This dude gets POPULAR though. For some reason can't be hacked (shame on you guys! Way to try and ruin the FUN!). And like? Eventually? Someone just fucking ASKS?

And Danny is like... " wouldn't YOU like to know, weatherboy?"

So everyone is like:

"Meta."

But hey... since they're already ASSUMING~? >:3c WHOOOOO wants to help him PAY RENT~? Let's VLOG this fucker! Wooooo! Say "hi" Catchef! *feline noises* like? It's like a let's play combined with a mukbang.

Teen Heros everywhere are FACINATED. Game developers are suddenly like? "If there's food. You BETTER make it look amazing. We want that weird YouTube twink to... whatever his powers are, our game! Free viral marketing!" Food channels? Rending their clothes, on their KNEES, please! PLEASE! Just ANSWER OUR EMAIL! Just ONE SHOW! A one off! Guest appearance!

We have MONEY!!!

All while Danny? Is finally happy with his life. Weird as hell. Harrasing the world. Good food on the regular. Gets to travel, kinda. Best of all? He's raising money from it! Can help people! Now... who wants salad?

@babbling-babull @hdgnj @hypewinter @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @dcxdpdabbles @the-witchhunter @lolottes

[artemisbarnowl]

Hello everyone. Im SEWING

[sophierequests]

Can I request a Darkling x reader where she's best friends with Kaz, Jasper, and Inej (I'm not sure if I spelt it right so I'm freaking out OH MY GOSH) and he gets jealous (but he has nothing to worry about) and he also yells at her, which makes her scared, and he feels awful afterwards? Maybe angst with a happy ending as a genre/vibe? If not I completely understand. Have a nice day ❤

between brick and mortar

𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧┃𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭┃𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬

Pairing: The Darkling x gn!Reader

A/N: Sooo, my characterization of the Darkling is kinda me, but I am still working on it, so I hope this is not too ooc for your liking. I hope you like the fic, and thank you for requesting this!

Summary: Aleksander dislikes the relationship the reader has with her old best friends, leading him to lash out on her

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: Mention of bruises and yelling

The sun had just begun to set when your coach reached the grounds of the Little Palace. You felt tired and terribly nauseous, while you wobbly stepped on the steady grounds of the courtyard. It didn’t really help that you had spent the last few days either on a wonky ship or inside the clammy coach.

Even though you were glad to be back in Ravka, you already began to miss your old home back in Ketterdam. The city wasn’t that much of a treat to come back to. Its dirty streets with their putrid smell didn’t truly catch your interest. There were certain people that you did miss, however.

Your old friends, who were more like a little fucked up family to you, had you coming back regularly. The Crows, consisting of Kaz, Inej and Jesper, took you in when you found out about your Grisha abilities. Soon you moved in with them, spending every waking moment with helping and supporting your newfound family.

Obviously, they didn’t appreciate it when you decided to go to Ravka to advance in your Grisha training. They also didn’t appreciate it when you told them about the relationship you had with General Kirigan - also known as the Darkling. Kaz almost whacked you with his cane, when you told them about what had happened between the two of you. Inej and Jesper only gave you judgy expressions, trying to talk you out of it.

Once they realized how good you felt - and looked - after you came back to visit them, they slowly but surely got around to accepting it. They didn’t like it, but they noticed what he did for you, and how much he helped to develop your abilities, so they didn’t try to get you away from him. (Even though Inej did threaten to stab him if he’d ever try to hurt you.)

Aleksander wasn’t too fond of your friendship with them either. You noticed the displeased expression he gave you when you talked about all the things you experienced with them, all the heists you went on together, or just in general about the strong bond you still had with them.

Sometimes you thought back to the first time you went back to Ketterdam, after getting together with the General. He suggested accompanying you, but you just laughed at that. Having the Darkling stay in a crooked town, such as your old home, wasn’t really the best idea. The evening before you left, he just spent most of the evening sulking, visibly distressed by your decision to hold on to your past. It was a mystery to him why you still decided to spend time with people that weren’t as appreciative of the Grisha powers as he was. You also came to the conclusion, that he might be slightly jealous of the close relationship you had with them, but you knew that he would never admit it.

After finally climbing up the mountain of stairs to his chambers, you slipped into the room, dropping your bags on the floor right by the heavy entrance door. The room had always looked surreal to you, since it was completely different to the places and flats you knew from the Slat. It looked enormous, making you feel like a tiny being in the utter vastness of space.

Much to your dismay, you didn’t find your partner laying in the bed, sleeping peacefully and waiting for your arrival. At first, you didn’t find him at all. Until you heard the distinct shuffling of paper coming from the cramped office space he insisted on keeping unchanged.

You frowned, knowing that he probably didn’t plan on sleeping, most likely worrying over some new military scheme.

Without a sound, you slid into his office - a habit you had picked up from Inej - walking over to the desk, that he was currently hunched over. His black hair was messy, but all in all, he still appeared quite well put together. You could see him playing with his rings erratically, a sign that he was evidently unsatisfied with what he had in front of him.

Your hand moved to lay on his shoulder, the rest of your body following to lean against his side, allowing you to take a peek at the array of maps and documents sprawled out on the wooden table. He shuddered slightly, almost unnoticeable, he was surprised but not startled.

“Good evening, love.” he cooed, straightening his back, and facing you fully.

His hands found your waist, and yours wrapped around his shoulders. He leaned down a little, pressing his lips against yours softly. Even though you adored his passionate kisses, you were way too tired for this kind of ecstasy, and he knew that.

“Good evening, you look tired. How long have you been working?” you said, as you let go to smile at him.

He sighed, his dark tired eyes scanned you intently as if he was looking for something that had changed whilst you were out of his sight.

“Quite a while, but it’s important that I finish this as soon as I’m able to.” he answered, already knowing that you would’ve asked him to join you in bed.

“Are you sure? I missed you sleeping next to me.” you mumbled, stifling a yawn.

“So did I, but I truly have to finalize this. Don’t worry about me, I’ll join you tomorrow.” his low voice trying to appease you, “Go to sleep, darling. I’m right here in case you need me.”

With one last peck on his cheek, you left the room, throwing yourself on the bed, sleep finding you sooner than expected.

The shutting of the door awoke you from your deep sleep. When you turned to your side, you noticed a note lying on your nightstand, right next to a glass of water, that had been placed there only recently. It read:

Don’t wait for me with breakfast, I have a meeting. We’ll see each other in the evening. Cure your headache.

You sighed, the hopes to spend a cosy morning with your boyfriend disappeared immediately. But you didn’t have too much time to fret over this change of plan, breakfast was soon to be served, and your energy levels were in desperate need of some food.

The rest of your day was spent finishing dull tasks that you had been putting off forever. Your thoughts always seemed to wander between the time you had spent with your friends and the moments you spent with Aleksander. You knew how challenging it could be for all parties involved. You were well aware of your boyfriend’s distaste for the Ketterdam lifestyle, but you also knew that you’d never willingly let go of your old friends.

Whilst you were contemplating this apparent conflict, Aleksander had already entered the room, watching you fold the laundry you had just received from the maids. You were merely dressed in a loosely fitting top and short shorts, that showed off a big portion of your back.

He was clearly agitated, apparently whatever meeting he just had been in, didn’t go as planned. His mood only soured when he spotted an array of bruises trailing down your spine. It wasn’t anything serious, but it made him even more furious, supposedly knowing who to blame for it.

He grabbed your upper arm tightly, forcing you to jump and spin around hastily.

“Saints, you scared me!” you chuckled, not yet aware of his current temper.

“What in all Saints happened to your back? I told you, these people aren’t the crowd you’d want to surround yourself with.” he snarled, a rash pang of anger rising up in his chest.

His sudden change in demeanour gave you goosebumps. He was known to be stern, and you were well aware that he could be able to lose his temper if things went terribly wrong, but during all of your relationship he never once had raised his voice against you. When you didn’t answer, he opened his mouth again.

“I asked you a question. What happened?”

“Aleksander, what do you mean? The bruises on my back?” you questioned meekly, voice already quivering, “It’s nothing really. I just tried to help out Kaz and Inej, and got myself pulled into a tiny…dispute.”

“You can’t be serious. Do you really think I care about your little criminal friends?” he spat, his voice getting louder, “I would’ve never let you go back there again if I knew that this is how you’d come back. I can’t believe you’d ever consider going back to these deplorable children.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes as you ripped your arm away from his tight grasp. You couldn’t believe that he would talk about the people you called family like this.

“This is what you think of them? They were the only people I had, Aleksander. They are good people, even though you don’t seem to accept that. This wouldn’t even be a problem if you wouldn’t make one out of it.” you stammered back, now actually crying.

“Maybe you should consider the people you decide to waste your time on.” he retorted, frustrated by your rebuttal.

“You know what? Maybe I should.” you whispered, barely audible to him, “I think I should leave, or I might say things I’ll regret later. Have a fantastic night.”

With that, you dashed through the door, slamming it shut tightly. Aleksander was left alone, standing in the middle of his now empty bedroom. His previous anger was suddenly replaced with a foreign feeling of guilt. He had no right to yell at you the way he did. But somehow the sight of seeing you hurt, paired with his prior frustration, made him lose all his senses and rational thinking.

He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose to keep him from throwing something around the room. Much to his dismay, there was only one way to make this up to you. He had to apologize.

Without hesitating any longer, he threw open the door in an instant, striding through the halls of the Little Palace in an attempt to hide his tense thoughts. People tend to call him heartless, and in moments like these, he did his best to keep up this image, never showing any emotion that would betray him.

He knew that you wouldn’t be inside the Palace. You wouldn’t risk just accidentally running into him in the halls. But he knew that you had one place, where you would always go when you had a bad day. Whether it was a failed training unit, an especially hard study topic or just a generally bad day, you would always go to the hidden lake, close to Baghra’s hut. He had never understood why you chose this exact spot since you weren’t particularly fond of his mother, but you were always there without a fail.

You heard his heavy steps approaching, way before he actually chose to make himself present. There was no need in talking or visibly acknowledging his presence, since this would only make you angrier, having to take the first step again. So you waited until he saw it fit to talk.

“You’re going to catch a cold.” he said matter-of-factly, trying to get you to accept his attempt at conversation-making.

When you didn’t answer, he chose to take a few more steps, to appear in your vision, that was still focused on the body of water in front of you. He was relieved that you weren’t crying any more, but your eyes still appeared to be slightly puffy, and your expression had turned sour.

“I’m here to apologize, Y/N.” he tried to begin, but you just felt like laughing at that.

“The Darkling does not apologize. Not to anyone.” you retorted, watching him scowl at the mention of his alias. You knew he didn’t like when you called him that.

“Then let this be a first.” his tone was way softer than before, making you relax, “I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you like that. It was unjust to treat you like that.”

“Then why did you? You know that the Crows are like family to me. Why would you say that?” you interjected carefully, not wanting to be too confrontational with him.

“I dislike when you’re with them because I don’t think they value you as I do. I don’t hate them, and I like seeing you enjoy your time with them, but I can’t stand seeing you get hurt because of their…negligence.”

You sighed, looking up into his eyes for the first time since he came to look for you. His eyes were hard to read, even for you, but now they seemed to be filled with something close to remorse.

“It wasn’t their fault. I tried to help and things went south. That’s a thing we have to deal with wherever we go, Aleksander. They do care for me, but they aren’t Grisha. They can’t protect me like you do, but that is fine.” you said gently, waiting for him to say or do something.

“I’m aware, and I’m…sorry for the things I said. It was never my intention to hurt you, but things just went…wrong.” he chose his words wisely.

“Our intentions betray us sometimes.” you chuckled bitterly, but gradually getting around to accepting his apology.

“Apologizing may not be my strong suit, but I still want you to know that I’m truly sorry.”

“If I’d try to tell anyone that the General Kirigan has just apologized to someone and meant it, they wouldn’t believe me. So I am inclined to accept it. Just because it’s not every day that you see a miracle.”

He chuckled in response, offering you a hand to pull you off the muddy ground. You gladly took it, starting to regain the bubbly feeling of excitement you had when you were around him.

“Now, let’s go back to the Palace. I suppose there are some travel stories you have to get off of your chest.”