#maybe but who cares? everyone cheats a poker lol

[prcttyinpcnk]

Phiona hates gambling-related games, which is funny because she would be scarily good at games like poker, blackjack, and baccarat.

[glittersandsourcherries]

Game night | Elliot x Reader

Summary: A game of cards against humanity causes some sexual tension

Pairing: Elliot x Reader

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: sexual themes, sexual activities (handjob)

Request: okay idea for elliot smut! what if it's the reader, him, rue, and jules playing something like cards against humanity. they get some dirty cards and it turns him on or something? lol 

  -

Rue laughed to herself as she read the cards she picked from the white box, silently telling everyone that she got good ones. You had told her many times to keep a poker face to not spoil her cards, but she didn’t care.

For the next hour, you all had a good laugh, the blunt you were passing around made the cards funner.

On the fifth round, things began getting a little sexual.

''Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children ___.''

You all picked and played a white card, placing it in the middle of the bed.

Elliot flipped the white cards, reading aloud. ''Daddy issues. A sad handjob.''

''A sad handjob to children?'' you repeated, horrified. ''Who played that card? That's disgusting.''

Beside you, Rue giggled, giving herself away.

You gaped. ''Rue!''

She shrugged and Elliot read the last card. ''Wet dreams.''

''Oh my god, why are these cards so sexual,'' Jules laughed, covering her mouth with her hand.

''One of these cards is yours. You contributed to the problem,'' you told her.

Elliot flipped through the answers and threw down the rejects. Daddy issues won this round so he gave the black card to Jules. She smiled and pulled the black card towards her. It was her third. Two more and she'd win.

Next, it was your turn to pull a black card. ''Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's ___.''

Your three friends flipped through their cards and placed their picks in a pile on the bed for you to read. You turned the first one. ''Demonic possession. Too much cocaine. Depression.''

Biting your lip, you tried to guess which one Jules had played. It was cheating, but if she wins this round, it would be her fourth one. You couldn’t let her win.

''What? Too much cocaine was clearly the best choice.'' Jules looked at Rue and Elliot for support. ''Right?''

''I liked demonic possession better,'' you said. ''I’m the Card Czar. I chose the winning card.''

''I bet she picked demonic possession just so Jules doesn’t get the card,'' Elliot accused.

You flipped him off. Why did he have to expose you like that?

The next person to go was Rue.

''When all else fails, I can always masturbate to___.''

This round was going to be interesting.

You scowled at your crap cards. You didn’t have many winning possibilities in your hands, so you put down the only good one that kind of fit.

Elliot had a poker face, while Jules was smirking. Oh no. That was not good.

Rue flipped the white cards. ''Two whales fucking the shit out of each other. Mom's new boyfriend. Dem titties- Whoever played that card sure were looking at Y/N,'' she joked, non-subtly glancing at Elliot.

Your and Jules's eyes flicked to him.

''It's not me,'' he quickly denied.

''But you've been staring at them since she got here! I've seen you.''

''Doesn't mean I played the card.''

Rue smiled mischievously. ''So you don't deny looking at her tits?''

Elliot groaned. He was caught. ''I'm allowed to appreciate great tits when I see them.'' His eyes met yours and you tried to hide the smile on your lips.

It didn't surprise you that he was looking at you like that. Elliot was a boy and boys liked boobs. The shirt you were wearing today also made them look really good, so you couldn't blame him for looking.

And, you kind of liked that he was looking.

The rest of the night went on and the game continued. Despite your attempts at tweaking the results, Jules won.

Then, you all decided to call it a night.

The sleeping arrangements mixed with the clutter weren't ideal to navigate Elliot's floor - Rue and Jules were installed in a sleeping bag at the end of Elliot's bed and you were in another sleeping bag beside the bed -, but you made it out of his room and to the hallway without tripping on hurting anyone.

You knocked on the bathroom door, knowing Elliot was inside. ''Can you hurry? I need to pee.''

''Y-yeah. Give me a minute, I'm...brushing my teeth.''

When the door opened, he tried to make a quick exit, but walked right into you. The close proximity of your bodies caused you to feel something hard against your leg. You knew by habit that he was not wearing anything under his sweatpants.

You raised your eyes, meeting his. ''Are you hard?''

Elliot scoffed, shaking it off. ''Me? No.'' Not only was this little run-in awkward, but the sight of your cami and the absence of a bra was making his little problem worse.

You flicked your eyes down to the obvious arousal in his sweatpants and he sighed.

''Maybe...''

You glanced down the hallway, seeing the girls busy kissing and giggling on the floor, and pushed Elliot back inside the bathroom, closing the door behind.

''What are you doing?'' he asked with a quizzical look.

''Helping a friend out.'' Your gazes locked as you flattened one palm against his smooth bare chest, your fingertips slowly drifting lower to the plates of his abdomen, the muscles clenching at your light touch. Your hand stopped moving right under his navel where darker hair lined down. ''This okay?''

''Yeah,'' he said thickly.

You continued your path, slipping your hand under the band of his sweatpants, feeling the slight bit of short hair leading to his dick. Elliot gulped, his throat bobbing. Your teasing was torturous.

The instant you made contact, a shudder rolled through him, and moisture formed at his tip. You smirked, knowing you were responsible for this. Curling one hand around the back of his neck, you kissed him, swallowing the sound he made when your fingers wrapped around the base of his aching dick.

Elliot held onto the edge of the sink behind him as you slid your hand up and down a few times, making him grunt and thrust into your closed fist. You detached your lips from his, kissing down his chin and jaw, and a soft moan slipped from Elliot's mouth.

You were tempted to sink to your knees and suck him off, but the cramped bathroom did not allow a lot of maneuver. And, you were also worried- no, you knew Elliot wouldn't be able to hold his moans. He was struggling with your hand on his dick, there was no way he could handle your mouth without alerting Rue and Jules.

''You can touch me, you know,'' you whispered in his ear.

He let go of the sink, his hands skimming up the sides of your body and placing them over your chest. Elliot tweaked your nipples through the thin material of your cami and bit his lip. ''I’ve been dying to do this.''

You giggled. ''I know.''

He glanced at you, asking if this was okay. You nodded.

''Fucking gorgeous,'' he growled, yanking your cami down to expose your tits. He pulled one beaded nipple into his mouth, sucked hard. Your skin tastes so good, and your nipple felt like heaven beneath his tongue.

A couple of minutes later, you and Elliot came out of the bathroom. You expected Rue and Jules to be asleep and not see you coming out together, but they were both wide awake.

''Did you two fuck in the bathroom?'' Jules asked crudely.

''What? No,'' Elliot denied, chuckling as he walked into his room.

Rue narrowed her eyes, studying you both. ''You’re lying.'' She looked at Jules who agreed.

''You totally fucked!''

''We didn’t,'' you said, going to your sleeping bag.

Elliot flopped down on his bed. ''So what if we had? It's my bathroom.''

''But, we’re here,'' Jules said.

''I know. If you hadn’t, we would’ve used my bed.''

-

Tag-list:  @milkiane  @euphoricfeminine

Elliot tag-list: @adashipsjegulus @lovesanimals0000  @ellyskey

[danganronpa-tng]

EstrellAeja AU fic!

(Reminder; this is NOT CANON! This is a non killing game au where the parents still lived and had kids, but those kids weren't put in a killing game. I wrote this ages ago when we first made TNG so excuse the probably poor writing lol)

Enjoy!!

Aeja had been living with her girlfriend, Estrella, for around two years now, and everything was going well. Estrella was, quite honestly, chaotic, but she was fun to be around. Aeja was the opposite- calm and organised, but still able to take a laugh. Estrella had gotten Aeja a job at her Dad's detective agency, but as far as Aeja knew, Estrella's 'job' was her organisation. She didn't let much slide about her organisation, but she liked to brag to everyone about the amount of members she had and how she practically controlled the world from behind the scenes. Today, Aeja finally decided to ask Estrella what she did. "Hey, Estrella?" She sat at the table, placing a plate of toast down in front of her. "Mm?" Estrella was already eating when she sat. Estrella had the biggest appetite out of anyone she knew. "So, you run DICE now, right?" "Yep! I thought you knew this..?" Estrella raised an eyebrow at Aeja, her raising one back, in character as a copycat. This got a smirk out of them both. "Yeah, but I was just wondering... what do you actually do?" Aeja asked. "Well, we-" "Aside from manipulating governments, controlling the Black market and taking over the world." "...Ah. I see you've thought this through, miss detective-in-training!" She giggled, crossing her legs. "Well, if we're being honest, it's usually either petty pranks, petty crimes, or first degree murder." "Wh- first degree murder?!" Aeja asked, coughing slightly on her toast. "Well, if there's someone you need gone, there's only one good way to do it- yourself!" She explained nonchalantly. "Speaking of, anyone been bothering my girlfriend lately, huh~?" Estrella teased, but it sounded like there was a hint of sincerity behind it. "No, everything's been fine. There's this one criminal that your father is finding hard to catch, but other then tha-" "Name." "What?" She asked. "Do they have a name? Just wondering. Some criminals- heh, like my members- stay anonymous." Estrella explained. Aeja knew Estrella like the back of her hand, and she knew when her girlfriend was lying to her, but she decided to humor her. "Yasmeen Chance. Not much of a threat physically, but she's robbed a few places." She explained. "Huh. Well, as long as you're good, I couldn't give a shit about the places she's robbed." Estrella said with an air of finality. Aeja had to laugh at her reactions to things.

Aeja did find it odd, though, that a certain Yasmeen Chance was reported dead two days later. Suicide, they told her. Seemed mighty suspicious, but hey, she was out of Aeja's hair. She'll take it. "Hey, Estrella?" She called when she got home that day. "Welcome home, miss detective-in-training! How was your day?" Estrella came out of her room to greet her. "Mmm, not bad, but..." "Buuuut?" "Remember that girl I was telling you about?" "Yasmeen? Yeah, I remember her. What's up?" "She's dead. Got reported dead today." "Yeah, I know." Aeja froze at that. "You... know?" "Yeah?" "That information was confidential, only released to the family and the agency." Estrella just shrugged. "I have eyes and ears everywhere, Aeja. Perks of running an organisation!" She smiled nonchalantly before walking into the kitchen. "Want me to get started on dinner while you get changed?" "...Sure. Sure, thanks." "Anytime, detective--" "Detective-in-training?" "Ahh, you know me so well!" Estrella giggled, before setting herself to work.

Later on, after dinner, Aeja had gone out to get some groceries. When she came back, she came in to Estrella on the phone. "...Yep, it all worked out. Everyone thinks it was a suicide. Even Dad and Aeja, and they're great at seeing through lies. I think Pops might have guessed what happened, but even if he did, he wouldn't tell." "...I just don't want Aeja to be having a hard time. She's dealt with enough in her life. Anything I can do to make things easier for her, I will. Even if it ends a life, I'll do it. For her, y'know?" "...Ah, sorry. Got a bit melodramatic there for a second!" "...Yeah, you did great. Thanks, 7. I'll pay you when I get in tomorrow." "...Yes, you're getting paid. When do I ever skip out on payment, especially for a murder this complex?" "...It's no problem. A boss needs to pay their employees, after all! Besides, everyone works really hard, it wouldn't be fair to underpay you guys." "Oh, actually, remind me to talk to you guys tomorrow about something. It's important... to me, anyways. I know I keep asking you guys for favors, but I'm really freakin' incompetent. Besides, y'all are really helpful when I need these favors." "...Thanks, 7. You're the best! "...You too, 7. Have a great night!" And then she hung up. That explained how Estrella knew that Yasmeen was dead- she orchestrated her death! But how did she get everyone to believe it was a suicide? They had everyone fooled, even her own dad. If Estrella was anyone else to her, Aeja would have to report this. But she did this for her, just to make things easier. It was a weird feeling. She'd never had someone aside from her parents care about her that much before. So maybe she'd just leave her be. "Hey, sweetie! I'm home." "Ah! Welcome back, miss detective-in-training~!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the 28th of May. One day before Aeja's birthday. It had also been two days since Estrella had been home. She wasn't concerned; Estrella had been texting and calling her the whole time. Apparently she got roped into going on one of the longer heists a bit across the country, but she had kept in contact with Aeja, so she knew she was OK. It still got lonely being home alone, though. Especially when you're used to waking up each morning to a playful kiss on the cheek and a small song from your eccentric girlfriend every day, for two years. She was supposed to be home that day, in time for her birthday, but then Aeja got another call. "Hey, Aeja..?" "Hey, sweetie. What's up?" "Ah, nothing, I just wanted to talk to you..!" "...Uh huh. Now, what's really up?" Estrella sighed. "I just found out the heist got delayed a day..." "...oh." "I don't think I'll be home tomorrow. I'm really sorry, Aeja!" "It's... it's fine. Just call me before you do the heist, ok?" "Ok, honey. Sorry." "It's no problem. I'll see you in a few days." "See you, miss detective-in-training..!" Click. She had heard Estrella's words, but it took them a moment to sink in. And when they did, Aeja found a tear dripping down her face. Then another. Soon, she was sitting on the couch, sobbing into her hands. She had been so excited to spend her birthday with Estrella, and now all she'd get was a call. It could be worse, though. At least she'd still get to hear her voice. But that was all she was gonna get. Maybe she was being too selfish. Any money they made from the heist would help them pay rent and the likes. At least she wasn't off sleeping with other women. "M... maybe I can spend the day with Dad and Father..." She sniffled, before reaching for her phone and dialing her Dad's number. "Hey, Dad..." "Ah, Aeja! How are you?" "Ok, I guess. Hey, are you and Father free tomorrow? Y'know, 'cause-" "Ah, sorry honey. Me and your father are out of town tomorrow. I didn't think there was anything on. Sorry!" "Ah... No problem. Have a good time with Father." "We will. See you soon, honey!" "Bye." Click. Great. She was alone on her birthday. Totally alone. Could it get any worse?

"Well, hey. At least she bought it! I mean, sure, I could feel her heart breaking, but it'll all be ok! Hehehe... Aren't I such a great liar?"

It was the next day, the 29th. Aeja, not having anything better to do with Estrella and her parents being out of town, decided to go into work. She had the day booked off, but she figured she may as well earn some extra cash. Besides, working on cases takes her mind off things. When she got to the detective agency, Saihara wasn't there, but Ouma was. "Ah, good morning Mr. Ouma. Is Mr. Sahara out?" "Oh, Aeja? No, my dear Shumai died. Isn't it tragic?" Ouma lied, placing a hand across his forehead for dramatic effect. "Yes, truly so." She took that as a yes. "Hmmmm... Say, isn't it your birthday? Why are you here? Got nothing better to do on your day off then work? Lame." Ouma questioned. "Well, no actually. My parents are out of town, and Estrella's been off on a heist for days, so-" "A heist? No way. If it's a big important one that takes up days, I go to watch. I would've heard something." Ouma waved his hand around a bit, grabbing a bottle of Panta off the table beside him. "...what?" Was all Aeja could say. Estrella had been gone for days on something that didn't even exist? Estrella was a good liar, but not this good. "Yep. Sounds like she pulled a fast one on ya, kiddo! Nishishishishishi~" He giggled playfully. "...Well, then." "Welly welly well well well! Kinda proud of my own daughter pulling off such an elaborate lie. Anyways, no harm, no foul. It sucks watching this dump alone. Wanna stick around? You don't hafta work, if you don't wanna. I have a deck of cards handy, so, uh..?" "Do you know how to play Texas Hold 'Em?" "Who doesn't?! No guarantees I won't cheat though, nishishishi!" "Estrella does too, I'm used to it. Sure, let's play." Estrella. Even saying her name right now hurt. She decided to try and drown her feelings of anger and confusion and sadness by keeping a grown man from cheating against her. Keeping an eye on his every move kind of distracted her a bit.

(I don't know how poker works, bear with me)

Eventually, Saihara came back, just at the end of a round. "Ah, good evening Mr. Saihara. How was your evening?" "Remember we talked about first names? You're practically my daughter too. Same with Kokichi!" "Yeah, she's been calling me Mr. Ouma all evening. Although, I suppose it'll be Mr Saihara-Chan too soon~" "Oh you two are engaged? Congratulations." "Well, yes. Although we don't know who's taking which name yet, we are engaged! Anyways, back to the topic, my evening was very pleasant, thank you. How was your d- wait, isn't it your birthday?" "Yes." "And she spent it playing poker against me, and losing!" "You've only beat me once." "Still!" Ouma pouted, taking another drink out of his second bottle of Panta. "If I remember correctly, you had today booked off, right? Aren't you supposed to be at home with Estrella?" "She was... Out of town today, I guess." "Huh, weird. Anyways, you can head home, if you'd like. I'll still pay you for coming in. Think of it as your birthday gift!" "Thanks, Mr. Sai- Shuichi. Have a good day. You too, Kokichi." "See ya, kid!" "Have a good day, Aeja!" As Aeja put on her coat and walked out the door, she heard Saihara mutter 'Do you think I kept her too long! She'll be waiting...' If 'she' was Estrella, she'd sure as hell be waiting for an angry phone call from her as soon as she got home. But when she got home, she noticed the door cracked open. She always locked the door before leaving. Someone had broken in. Aeja sprinted in the house to check what had happened. Whoever broke in obviously hadn't taken much, but they'd left a trail to the kitchen. A small trail of blood. She followed it quickly, before stopping abrubtly at seeing the kitchen. A few plates were smashed, the tablecloth was on the floor, the vase of roses she had gotten Estrella a few weeks ago was smashed, the water in a puddle and the roses missing, and, most suspiciously, a note on the table, a small bloodstain in the corner. 'If you want to know what happened here, go to this address. I know you love a good mystery. And I'd say your girlfriend may be happy to see you!' The address of a small restaurant her and Etrella frequented was scribbled on the sheet, underneath the message. It wasn't Estrella's handwriting, which made this worse. At least if it was her, she could relax. But now someone had broken in to her house on her birthday, which would just add more to her workload the next day, and kidnapped her girlfriend. Estrella must have gotten home while she was out. She quickly rang Saihara to explain what happened, in tears the whole time, then rushed back out to find the restaurant. Usually Estrella directed her, so finding it was a small challenge. Estrella. Earlier she could barely say the name for hatred, now she couldn't even think of her without sobbing. She eventually found it, noticing quite quickly it was empty. She thought the door would be locked, but it opened without a hitch. Rushing in and up the stairs (you never keep a hostage on the ground floor) she expected to see the captor, or at least Estrella tied up so she could free her. What she did see was... Something else.

Rose petals were scattered across the floor, all of the tables and chairs moved to the side, candles burning in the corners of the room, a soft instrumental to a song Aeja loved, the bunch of roses that went missing, and Estrella. In a dress Aeja had never seen before, a clown mask covering everywhere above her mouth and nose, and her hair down. "Hey, miss detective-in-training." Aeja was speechless. She didn't understand what was going on. "Wh... But... You- the note... there was blood... A-are you-?" "Oh, right. I should probably make sure you know I'm who I say I am." She took off her mask and held her hair beside her head, making her look kind of how she normally looked. "Happy Birthday, honey!" And the next thing Estrella knew, she was wrapped in a sobbing Aeja's embrace. "Don't... *hic* don't ever do that to me again! I thought... I thought I'd lost you..." "Awww, Aeja... You could never lose me. I'm too good to die." Some laughter came between the sobs, making it hard to tell if she was shaking from laughter or sadness. "Anyways, I won't need to do this again. Not if you say what I hope you'll say, anyways." "Wh... What..?" Estrella pulled away from the embrace, fiddling around in a pocket as she spoke, her eyes always on Aeja. "Aeja Hinata Komaeda." "Oh g-god, you used my full name, eheheh- *hic*" "Yeah. Anyways, Aeja Hinata Komaeda. We have been together for two years, and it has been the best two years of my life. You are the best, most smartest-" "Most smartest..?" "Shut up- person I have ever met and I don't deserve someone as good as you. You help cheer me up when I'm sad, make me keep trying even when I feel like quitting, and hell, you give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you by my side, because like I said, I don't deserve you. But in case you, for some reason, think I do..." She got down on her knees, then adjusted so she was on one knee. She pulled a box out of the pocket she was fiddling with, opening it. Aeja gasped. "Oh... Oh my goodness..." Estrella took a deep breath. "Aeja Hinata Komaeda. Will you do me the honour of being my wife?" And for a moment, aside from the soft music playing, all was silent. After a moment of wiping her tears and fixing her composure... "Yes. Yes! Oh my goodness, yes!" "Oh... Oh my fuckin- thank God..!" And Estrella was up on her feet, and they were in each others arms again, laughing through the tears of happiness they couldn't hold back. "You... You have no idea how long this took to plan... I had DICE in on it, and my dads, and your dads-" "Wait, Dad and Father?! I thought they were out of town..?" "Nah, I just asked them to lie if you called, which I'm guessing you did, huh? And not to mention the days away from you. God, that was torture!" "You're telling me..! It was so lonely without you at home!" "I know, I know..." Estrella said softly, running her fingers through Aeja's hair. It usually comforted them both when she did that. "It'll never happen again, I promise..." "...I missed you..." "I missed you too. I'm sorry if I made you upset." "It's ok... *hic* it was all worth it, just for this..." "Well, phew. If not, that was alot of time and effort gone to waste." They were just laughing now, feeling comfort in each other's presence. Once the ring was on Aeja's finger, they just swayed to the slow music playing. They were happy with eachother. And that's all they needed right now. Eachother.

"Your parents are engaged now, by the way." "Wait, WHAT?! When the FUCK did that happen?!"

-End-

[quietlysatan]

An Invincible Summer - ShanaStoryteller, AO3

Link: Here!!

Rating: T for read the warnings, but don’t worry too much because of them

Favorite Quote(s): I legit wanna tattoo this next quote on me somewhere

"Oh, the things that can be accomplished through ignorance of their impossibility," 

And this Straight Up Fact

“There’s no such thing as cheating as long as you win,” Natsu says, and the brat’s not wrong.

This one’s just funny

“Chouza,” Inoichi forces himself to say evenly, “Your teachings produced Ebisu and goddamned Gai.”

“Genma’s pretty normal though,” Chouza sighs, “I never could get through to that boy.”

Gently Gai casually caring about Kakashi’s well-being is my entire reason for living, speaking of which if someone wants to come be my Gai that’d be really fucking nice because us Kakashi’s don’t do too well on our own

He hesitates, but says, "Not that I do not find your newfound mentorship to be a most youthful endeavor, but -"

"I don't know," Kakashi interrupts his friend, "I met her while she was taking her genin exam and she, I don't know, adopted me or something. She just keeps showing up."

Gai nods thoughtfully, "Stubbornness is a useful skill to have when trying to cultivate a friendship with you." Kakashi elbows the other man, but doesn't protest besides that. "She's a good cook."

And this one because I love it when people Get It, ya’know?

That's really why he won't say anything, why he won't reveal that the Kyuubi's container and the fourth Hokage's child is still alive: they already killed him once. Naruto and Shikamaru are the same age, they would have been in the same class, and the idea that anyone could want to harm his innocent, precious son makes his blood boil 

And this one, for accuracy

"This sounds like a most youthful endeavor. I will bring Anko! She will fan the flames of youth in our young Konoha blossom!"

Both Itachi and Kakashi look at Gai, horrified. "Please don't," Itachi says weakly, like he knows it'll fall on deaf ears but he has to try anyway.

"Don't worry," Gai attempts to assure them, going into his Good Guy pose, "They will produce youthful flames of feminine excellence!"

"They're going to burn down Konoha," Kakashi says flatly.

Gai's hair and teeth sparkle in the sunlight, and he doesn't attempt to deny it.

Another important one

"The world is a terrible place," she says, and she has to swallow before she speaks again, "and it's full of terrible people. But I don't have to be one of them." 

I love that Natsu-chan has great balance, this is my number one favorite character trope, and I wish more people would write it

She bends down to look at him upside down, and Itachi can feel that she's not using chakra to stick onto him, and sometimes her balance just isn't logical. 

I just love the idea of tiny genius Naruto, and I love that Natsu-chan is a seal master at like, fucking seven and a half lol

Itachi knows it's actually far more complicated than that, but just as he does not tell her minutia of the past shinobi wars in their history lessons, she does not overcomplicate her explanations of sealing. Usually he's grateful for that, but when she appears to break every known law to sealing and chakra, he's not.

"That's," he blinks and he's not going to tell her it's impossible because it clearly isn't, "new," he settles on.

A mood honestly

Inoichi now feels the urge to bang his head against the table top, because 'a huge pain' to Natsu is 'literally impossible' to everyone else.

Another mood honestly

Inoichi watches his former genin dig in with resignation. “When are you guys going to start picking up the tab? Feeding you all isn’t cheap you know.”

Hana swallows her mouthful, “Sensei, I am but a lone healer’s apprentice –“

“I have been a chunin less than a month,” Kabuto pouts, wounded, “and already you seek to profit-“

“Do you have any idea how much sealing paper and ink costs?” Natsu demands.

“Okay, okay,” Inoichi grumbles, but it’s not very effective considering he’s smiling, “I take it back, jeez.”

Okay so, since this is a 100k+ word fic, I’ve been doing this thing lately literally just now on this fic review where I only feature quotes from the first chapter (Depending on length.) but, I’m making an exception because I’ve never seen these three characters and my thoughts on them summed up so well by someone I don’t know which is to say anyone, no one I know cares about my interests really lol

"Maybe a little," he admits grudgingly, "Sakura's really smart, but she acts dumb for some reason. And her endurance is really bad. She probably would have been failed on that alone if she didn't have such good aim with shuriken. And Sasuke's good at like, everything, I still don't get why he didn't graduate earlier. He's just so-" Kiba rubs his hand over his face.

"So what?" Hana prompts, even though she's heard this particular complaint before.

"Sad," the genin sighs, "He's miserable all the time, and he works hard and if you yell at him for long enough he'll work with you, but - crap, I don't know. He's got this really great poker face so you think he's just a big jerk, but I can smell his emotions, the big idiot, and he's just this sad lonely kid who won't listen to anyone."

Hana hums, because if she opens her mouth she'll probably start cursing the Hokage and his dumb rules and his dumb ideas, and that is not the type of thing that leads to a long life.

Just one last quote because dudes, guys, pals, friends of mine it’s important and you should all stop and read it.

 “Thanks for being cool with – everything. I’m really happy you’re not mad at me for not being honest with you.”

“You are my friend,” Gaara says warmly, “and you have always been honest about that.”

Words & Chapter(s): 136,306 words of greatness, and 6 full chapters of nicely done completion

Summary: When Naruto is five, he's gutted by a drunken civilian and presumed dead.

Six months later a girl with ash pale hair and dark blue eyes enters the Academy. 

(Guys I swear on my cool as fuck username, and all around internet personality as practically satan and probably Lucifer and whatnot that nobody we like stays dead or severely injured)

Score: 13, this is one of my favorites for a reason, this is actually my second technically third time rereading this in as many weeks

Pairing(s): Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, background Haku/Zabuza, but don’t worry anything you’re thinking of is addressed quite nicely in the fic ultra background but still there’s a lot of relationships and I’m not going to tag them all

Warning(s): Naruto technically dies more than once because this is Naruto we’re talking about but they also technically don’t??? You gotta read it, but basically temporary character death, only the bad guys stay dead in this one.

Nobody knows that Naru-chan lived so there’s that angst for you, however, to be fair it’s not like this whole story is just characters mourning and crying and whatnot, at this point it’s mostly just passing thoughts and memories which, again, to be fair, does almost feel worse at times... Huh, regardless it’s not overly angsty

Kakashi is adopted whether he likes it or not by Natsu-chan, we love both of our emotionally fucked over fair-haired ninja in this house so you won’t have to worry about that sorta fic coming outta nowhere from me BTW... but anyways, Kakashi freaks out a bit, much like the abused dog he always reminds me of, but Natsu is the sweetest and most gentle, yet forceful person he could’ve possibly caught the attention of. (This is canon)

The Akatsuki are still bad, BUT ITACHI ISN’T technically SO WHO FUCKING CARES!!!! (The Massacre still happens tho...)

Mentions of The Flower District and what that implies, and also things a Kunoichi might definitely do

Oh my fucking god the Hyuga... Who would willingly do something so horrible as that? Of all the things... Warning for... The Hyuga branch family situation, it’s dealt with nearly as soon as we are informed but, gods, my blood ran cold, and my face whited out, my sister thought someone had died when she saw my face haha,,, who the fuck does this? And do they die? In canon I mean? I think I only watched up to the chunin exams or Pein’s attack, I can’t remember which tho...

Natsu cries because people are nice to her sometimes. And honestly that’s fair, I burst into to tears once because I imagined someone kissing my forehead softly so, Natsu is completely valid... Sidenote, I’m touch-starved and have no cure for this beyond younger siblings and my cat because I don’t have the ability to ask my mom for a hug without literally gross sobbing and I have A Thing about embarrassment sooooo... yeah if anyone has some therapy justu for me that’d be nice

Mentions of Gross Men that apparently want to have Natsu’s increasingly growing collection of the absolute most dangerous people she can befriend pay them a visit. And by that, I mean an old fuckwit has the gall to leer at a TEN-YEAR-OLD and a FUCKING THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD!!!!!! Ugh, I hate those kinds of pathetic worms.

On that note, there is technically underaged things going on, but they are also Ninja soooo???? They’ve killed people and are technically in their version of an army, and by the laws of their lands they’re all adults, actually I’m pretty sure by shinobi life expectancy Kakashi is middle-aged, Inoichi is a senior citizen, and Hiruzen is a walking corpse tbh

Alcoholism??? I don’t really think it is but I’m not sure, but some characters do drink often, and usually when stressed courtesy of Natsu and co. but still... I don’t actually know if it is because it doesn’t actually happen much, more like every few weeks/months

Mentions of past sexual assault, and attempted past sexual assault, neither happen in fic or to any of our main characters, the experiences are not graphic though they do talk about it in chapter five, it’s not to graphically described.

Also, a bunch of off-screen lemon

A Thing (That I copy-pasted from the author so that all of you will see it and not say a single word against it.): If you thought Natsu was too mature for her age - she has seen and been through some really horrible shit. But also: my cousin has, since he was like 4, hung out with kids that were about 4 years older than him because those were the kids that were in his neighborhood or whatever. Point being, even after he started school, his main group of friends was consistently older than him. He very quickly adapted to that, and to this day (he's 12) hangs out with that same group, and considers children his own age 'kids' because he adapted to the behavior of the group he was surrounded with. I hardly believe Natsu would be any different.

And also

4. Quick little note because some people mentioned liking my portrayal of the Sandaime. I base his decisions/motivations (and Itachi and Danzo's to a certain extent) around this quote by Clementine von Radics: "It is so hard to live half monster, to hurt everything you love by trying to protect it wrong."

Pros: Watching Natsu just casually disregard the idea of gender with little to no thought is the greatest thing anyone will ever experience beyond, I dunno, the party we’re all gonna collectively throw when soggy Cheeto dies (I still haven’t decided which song we should make chart number one when that happens)

Given that I’ve technically read this three times you should already know the writing is fucking amazing, like, whoa, mind blown type of amazing, like, wow, so good, I usually hate rereading something I’ve read before, and especially so soon after the fact but geez Louis is this fic amazing

Natsu is just as easy to fall in love with as Naruto, and they are still the same people with slightly different personalities as is to be realistically expected with a situation like Naru’s was.

Also, GENDERFLUID REPRESENTATION DONE FUCKING AMAZINGLY IS ALWAYS A PLUS!!!!!!! 

The author manages to convey a very realistic genderfluid character in an incredibly believable manner, while also still keeping Natsu/Naruto themself. They’re still the Naruto that we knew and loved, but they’re different too, as is to be expected. when Natsu is a girl no-one stumbles, she is a girl without a doubt, even the author doesn’t trip up on societal expectations, and when Naruto is a boy there is next to immediate acceptance of this fact with absolutely zero (0) Zero bullshit from transphobes, which, as a genderfluid person myself, is always fucking nice to see. You’ll have to read it to know more though.

Natsu running around creating seals is honestly the greatest thing ever, and the end scene with the village made me cry a lil bit, and dammit this fic is so fucking good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, there’s a scene, where Natsu heals Kakashi, and the way the author handled explaining the intimate not sexual relationship between two of my favorite characters ever is just, so subtly beautiful, the sibling-bond these two have is beautiful, and a part of me wants to cry sometimes when I read it, and usually do cry a little when I get to this scene, and only partially because of what happened directly before it.

I love the way everybody just gets up and moves past their trauma and just decides to politely ignore it, oh they still have it, they still deal with it, but they care, and they are careful about it, and even though it hurts them like a knife-wound to the kidney in slow-motion they still get back up and keep fucking going. That’s hella admirable and I can respect that, I can respect even more that they slowly but surely let themselves heal as time moves on. This fic is beautiful on so many different levels but it is this one perhaps, that is the most magnificent. Perhaps.

Sasuke is adorable and depressing and adorable and I love it. And Ino is still a bad bitch but she’s a kid so we only see it like a handful of times in the first two chapters. The Akimichi/Yamanaka/Nara are all great, and I occasionally pity Inionchicause like, he’s putting up with a well-informed seal genius that’s still hyper, a slightly frightening medic-kunoichi with giant dogs, another slightly more frightening medic-nin who isn’t the greatest fighter but damn can he be intimidating and also really good at pointing out “Certain Things” while judging you about them which, honestly, is my greatest pastime. Itachi is so sweet and then so tragic oh my gods, and Natsu never even considers giving up on him. Kakashi is so sweet, and he slowly becomes less of a beaten dog as time goes on and I just love all of these characters.

Except for Hiruzen. Well, no, I still love this particular incarnation of Hiruzen, for all that he’s got one hell of a pathetically small backbone, I get why he does shit. But that doesn’t make me happy. Still, he’s better than dumbledouchebag. Granted that’s not difficult, and you might have to actively put an effort in to be as bad as that guy, but still. Plus, his hearts in the right place, and he’s less about the greater good then... certain disgraces to teaching and being in charge of a large group of people... Hiruzen is actually kinda sweet and admits he has issues and actually has an excuse that’s understandable for the shit that he pulls which is great, if sadly uncommon.

Anyways, Sakura is terrifying, and I remembered why I had a crush on her. She’s so badass, also, she ends up Princess Mononoke basically which, honestly, is fucking great, and the best thing we could’ve asked for, I love all of these characters so much!!!

Aesthetic: It reminds me off beefy stew (We don’t eat beef, so we used vegan soy beef stuff instead, and it was just as good.) it reminds me of the warmth, and friendship, and home that I felt after my mom and I make dinner together with nothing but a little music on and jokes passing back and forth between us. It reminds me of scraping my knee and having my friends help me to their mom, it reminds me of loyalty and compassion. It reminds me of dancing outside at night, alone in the forest with nothing but the moon for company and wind for music. It reminds me of the first time I realized that I could love someone despite their gender and that I should despite mine. It reminds me of finely spun handmade lace, and all it’s delicate while also reminding me of the sturdiest of steels, it reminds me of so much. It reminds me of acceptance, and understanding, and so much more. If I were to say what food and drink it reminds me of, I’d say chicken noodle soup, and sweet lavender-lemon tea.

Music Aesthetic: So, I made a playlist while I was reading this the first time around, and instead of a gif or twenty like I would usually prefer to do I’m going to add that playlist. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbhXmTSBbAyjk0m1b4BZUp3t0RHL83LDK

But if I were to add a gif or two it’d be these

Because something about this fic reminds me of rainy days with tea and baggy clothes.

Every time Natsu/Naruto decided to fight ever, to be honest.

[andrina-the-amazingsupergenius]

When in Blackpool, the Las Vegas of England || Rowdy and Randy

Summary: Andrina gets the best idea for a joke she’s ever had. 

@n0ttinghamshad0w

ANDRINA   Andrina was in Blackpool, bitches!    How did she get here? She didn’t know. It was one of those Andy-spirals that started off as a joke, then turned into a dare, then turned into a promise, then turned into a swear. She’d just been closing up shoppe in Whosits and Whatsits, checking on their stash. She’d just put on some music– Highway to Hell by AC/DC. She just pretended to play air guitar, just fell into Rob’s arms, just made out with him a little on top of Attina’s desk, when the words road trip fell out of her lips.    Wouldn’t it be so funny? she’d said. And maybe Rob said something about there being a couple of buyers who might be interested in Cruella’s finest. And couldn’t they be there, and back again, before anyone knew it?    And no she wasn’t drunk, when she started the trip, coasting along in the Whosits van.     And she wasn’t drunk when they got to Blackpool either, after midnight, and found the downtown alive and throbbing, bleeding light like a wound.    And she wasn’t drunk when she had sex with Rob in the loo of an old arcade, after completely kicking his arse at Pacman, his hair in one of her hands, her raffle tickets in the other.    She was, actually, just polishing off a cocktail when they started playing Blackjack. She was, maybe, getting a little tipsy, and a little handsy, as she watched Rob count cards and get away with it.    By the time they left, it was 3 in the morning and they were a few hundred quid richer. Andrina’s fingers were caressing the nape of Rob’s neck and she was thinking about fucking him again.   That’s when the sweet voice of Freddie Mercury caught her pinball eyes. She turned her head to the sweet rock music of Don’t Stop Me Now, and out of nowhere, Andy started laughing.    “Hey, you know what would be so funny?” Andy said, sliding her hand down Rob’s spine. She sipped at the vanilla milkshake she’d just bought cheap outta a McDonalds, and her eyes glinted when she met Rob’s own. “If we got married here.”  

ROB   This was the closest he’d been to home in ‘bout two years now.   ‘Course they weren’t even that close, mind you. ‘Course Rob wasn’t supposed to be thinkin’ of Nottingham as home. ‘Course Rob was supposed to have left Swynlake soon as the Davis job was over, find Tuck and Martin and Jo once again.    Funny how plans change.   Here he was now, pockets full of money he’d won and he’d whispered in Andrina’s ear that maybe they should consider a career in gamblin’ instead — she’d make a mad good poker pro, if he had to guess. Briefly, he entertained travelin’ the world, goin’ to casinos in Monaco and Las Vegas, places glitzier and more glamorous than lil’ Blackpool — his head spinnin’ with possibilities, with thoughts of suave suits and sparkly dresses and then Andrina spoke.   He let out a laugh. That was the furthest thing from what he was thinkin’ right now really and so amused was he that he near scooped her up and planted a kiss right on her mouth.   “Imagine the two of us gettin’ married at all,” he said, leanin’ over to take a sip of her milkshake. And ‘cuz it was a dumb joke by Andrina, he went along with it, of course, ‘cuz that’s what the two of ‘em did. It was sorta like a game. Well it was really a game — sometimes against one another, sometimes on the same team. The only rule, really, was that they had fun. And Rob did like havin’ fun.    “Here’s how it’ll go,” he said with a grin. “I’ll knock the rings off a vacationin’ couples hand — a rich one, mind you, only the best for my betrothed. And you’ll sweet talk a dress from a shop clerk who’s sweet on you, not even a dress maybe just a veil or somethin’. And we’d have to get married by that bloke over there — “ Rob pointed at the Freddie Mercury impersonator. “‘Cuz it’s not real love unless it’s sung by Freddie, you know.” 

  ANDRINA She loved this game.    Andrina actually loved a lot of things. She once thought that wasn’t the case-- that she was sort of a heartless monster (lol) and the love gene had skipped her. But since she’d started stealing things, Andrina realized that her love gene was just different. Maybe she didn’t have one or two hobbies-- maybe she had a whole bucket-full, and that was okay. Maybe she didn’t want to go on dates or get a boyfriend and maybe she really was going to be Wine Aunt. But that wasn’t failure. She wasn’t heartless.   Andrina loved nights that ended in a completely different place than they began. She loved the chaos of her room, its pieces always spread out like she was a magpie with her nest in constant creation. She hated working the counter at Whosits, but she loved sorting through the boxes of donations. She loved playing dress-up; she loved sex in public places; she loved getting in the Andrina-Zone between the hours of midnight and 4 in the morning, where the world was quiet and it zeroed in to whatever weirdo project she was working on. Those hours were Andrina at her most exhilarated, creative, blissed out. She stumbled into bed exhausted and happy as if she’d had the best sex in her life, though Andrina would tell you it was always better than sex.   She didn’t understand the thrill her sisters got from crushing on this or that person or the dreams they had about husbands, wives, kids-- even empires. But she knew what it meant to love. She didn’t think she loved Rob, but she loved the type of life he gave her. She loved that he never pushed her into stupid boxes. She loved every night like this one.   It was between the hours of midnight and 4. The Andrina-Zone. Her favourite hours.    So maybe that’s what made that particular, stupid box appeal on that night. Because it wasn’t just a box, it was a story. Rob told it so well, Andrina’s heart was suddenly pounding, she wanted to know more.    “Ooooo, the height of romance-- why, I do declare, Mr. Gardner, if I won’t just marry you right on the spot.” Andrina affected her voice into the buttery accent of a Hollywood movie star. She cooed. “I want a rock as big as the moon, Mr. Gardner! Will you steal me the moon?” She batted her eyelashes at him.    She giggled but then her eyes flashed and she was Andrina again. “I dare you. Hey, whoever gets back to the chapel first wins a prize!” 

  ROB   The game was on.   Rob tugged Andrina’s hand to his lips, pressing a fresh milkshake sticky kiss to the back of her hand, and then dropped it, giving a two-fingered salute as he backed away.   “Prize to be determined by winner — starting now!”   And off he dashed.   Sometimes, if he really wanted to get thinkin’ about things, Rob realized he was turnin’ 30 this year, which never seemed like an age he’d even get to, really. He figured he’d be caught by then, figured that like many of the blokes he’d grown up with, he’d be lost to drugs or to the cops ‘cuz of somethin’ else. But he was lucky — he was lucky and hey, he dinnit know the makeup of his DNA, but he looked enough like everyone else to get by. And he was very good at what he did and so here he was, almost 30, older than he thought he’d ever turn and still just as wild as he was at 18.   Well, he was more careful now. Dinnit draw attention to himself. Dinnit get into fights.   Instead, he slipped into crowded casinos and bars and he looked for couples sloshed outta their minds. Rings were tricky little buggers. Try a wrong hand, with someone whose ring was just tight enough, and you were easily caught. Rob waited a lil by the bar, orderin’ a drink and keepin’ an eye out for easy marks.   For the bloke — he spotted an older fella, sittin’ with a girl who had to be at least half his age. On his left hand, a wedding band. Rob kept his eye trained on this fella, ‘cuz he knew at one point this man’d slip his ring into his pocket, feelin’ too guilty about flirting with the pretty young bird with the reminder of a wife at home.   This happened quicker than Rob anticipated, which dinnit make him feel at all bad, as he brushed past and slipped his hand in the man’s jacket pocket and secured the gold ring.    It was more varied with stealin’ a women’s ring. He could check the loo, see if anyone forget their ring as they washed their hands. He could hope that there was a gal who had a similar mindset as that old bloke. But really, the  best bet in a place like this was to find a bird who was too skinny, too jittery, wearing fancy clothes and with pristine skin — someone drunk enough to say yes to a dance and not notice if in grabbin’ her hand, Rob slipped off her ring.   He spotted a bird like that, and just his luck, it was someone at a Hen party — not the bride, but another gal and everyone at Hen parties, ‘specially Hen parties thrown by rich women, wanted to dance with fit scrappy blokes. The girl in question was blonde and had massive fake tits and plump fake lips and before Rob asked her to dance, he heard her talking loudly to her friends about sendin’ back her meals last night at dinner and how she had to fire her last chauffeur for takin’ time off to see his newborn baby.   So yeah, he dinnit feel bad as he snagged the large diamond off her ring finger. She was so distracted by the fact he was whisperin’ some dumb sexy thing into her ear that she barely noticed.    Rings secured, Rob bolted back out into the night, racing to the chapel as fast as he could.    He saw Andrina right across from him, ‘bout the same distance away, and then grit his teeth and ran the remaining distance.

  ANDRINA Andrina loved games, but she loved winning more. So as Rob pulled away, she was already laughing, her victory a bright spark in each eye. They hadn’t established any rules, which meant that Andrina could cheat if she wanted. And duh, she wanted. Cheating never cheapened a victory; it sweetened it, reminding Andrina that she was clever, and she loved being clever.    And without Rob around to curb the worst of her impulses, she’d give into them.    So Andrina didn’t bother to race off into the city, to find some shoppe with its lights still on. She knew how this worked. She’d seen movies and TV and stuff (wasn’t life just like movies and TV and stuff?) Andrina slurped at her milkshake and strided toward the very chapel they were supposed to meet at.   She walked right in and up to the desk. “Hey, do you guys do, like, bridal veils and dress rentals and stuff?” she asked the man working at the counter.   The man started at the desk, looking up from his phone. His eyes were bloodshot. Ooooooh he was high as fuck. “And by stuff, I also mean weed, you have any of that too?”   “Wh--”   “I’m kidding! Kind of. I am if you are,” Andrina flashed a smile and leaned over the desk, showing off her cleavage.    “We...are a wedding chapel,” the man stated very slowly. He licked his lips. “We do have uh, tuxes and dresses available with some of our packages, listed here in the brochure…”   “Here’s the thing,” Andrina said and she leaned in even closer. “I sort of have a bet with a friend. Can I like, just borrow it?”    “Uh.”   “I’ll give you the rest of my milkshake,” Andrina sang, giving it a shake. She tilted her head and grinned. “And I won’t tell your manager you groped me.”   The man’s jaw went slack.    Ten and a half minutes later, Andrina was outside, dressed in a cheap wedding dress, with a joint between her teeth for good measure. “I WIN!” she shouted toward Rob. “By all means, take your time! Maybe I’ll just marry my new friend, Earl!” 

  ROB   “Ah, fuck,” said Rob, but he smiled and sprinted the last bit of the way. Reachin’ into his pocket, he pulled out the ring, and as he reached Andrina, he more or less crash landed onto one knee, holdin’ out that big, obnoxious rock that he’d swiped.    “Andrina Genieve Triton,” said Rob, voice all serious, as he held out the ring. “Will you do me the honor of marryin’ me?”   This was a grand game — a grand joke, yeah? Imagine scrappy Robin Hunt from Nottingham ever getin’ married. ‘Course it would be somewhere like this busted wedding chapel in Blackpool, with rings he stole. When he’d thought of marriage in the past, it seemed like somethin’ impossible: Rob was not a man who wore stuffy suits in a proper church and said bullshit lines in front of a priest. That’s what most girls wanted — maybe not a church, but a country club. Maybe not a priest, but a speech from their fathers, a best man and all that bullshit.    Andrina dinnit though. Andrina had a bloody joint in her mouth now and the wedding dress she wore looked like a Halloween costume with its gaudy jewels and plunging neckline. She looked like the best goddamn thing he’d seen in his life.   “Well whaddya say?” said Rob, still on one knee. 

  ANDRINA: The ring was gorgeous. Also, really ugly. It was both these things at the same time, and Andrina’s eyes widened at the sight of it, before she burst into laughter.    Of all the ridiculous things that Andrina had ever done in her whole life-- this was the most ridiculous. A spontaneous trip to Blackpool! Gambling, sex in the bathroom, milkshakes, Earl, a costume wedding dress! And now she was looking at some kind of Kardashian mistake of a ring-- she had no idea if any of those stones were real, because they were the kind of thing that looked so shiny and over-the-top you had to second-guess, but also maybe it was real, and Rob held in his hand more money than any of them had ever had in their bank accounts combined (and that was saying something for Andrina, Daddy’s Little Princess).    And here he was, offering it to her.    And was he serious?   Suddenly, Andrina didn’t know. Suddenly, she was looking down at the only boy who had never asked her to be anything that she wasn’t, and he was wearing that smile of his-- one that looked like he was always hiding the best part of an inside joke.    She wanted to kiss that mouth. Andrina wondered if that meant she was in love with him. She wondered it, and nothing moved inside of her. No big firework moment--  but none of the cold, clammy fear either, that had always taken her by the neck and never let her go.    She could marry this person and she didn’t think it would change anything, besides the fact that she’d have this massive, ugly ring to wave in people’s faces. Also, she could call herself Mrs. Gardner in an affected posh accent, which was always fun.    Mrs. Andrina Gardner. Or Mrs. Andrina Hunt, or whatever.    “I think I dared you first, that’s what I say,” Andrina declared. She grinned. She yanked up Rob by his collar, took the cigar out of her mouth, and planted a kiss on his lips, dirty and greedy and still tasting a little bit like milkshake.    When it broke, she stuck the cigar in Rob’s mouth, took the ring, and slid it on her hand. She fanned it in front of her face. “I’ll do it if you’ll do it,” she said. And that was definitely a yes in Andrina-speak. 

  ROB   Hell, they’d come this far and Rob wasn’t about to back out now.    Did he want to get married?   He dinnit know. Getting married was somethin’ he’d just never thought about. When Andrina kissed him though, hard and fast and sticky, he had the quick little thought that if somethin’ ever happened — if he couldn’t kiss her anymore — he’d be missin’ something more than just her lips. Not to say he wanted her to be the only person he kissed from here on out (or vice verse), but just that if he couldn’t kiss her well, then —   Look, this was all some complicated stuff to be thinkin’ about when he was supposed to be havin’ the happiest day of his life, yeah?   He didn’t answer her directly. Cigar still in his mouth, he grabbed her and lifted her up bridal style and spun around a little, before marching right into the chapel.   “Oi!” he said to the greasy-lookin’ bloke at the counter. “We’re here to get married! Where do we do that at?”   Determined not to put Andrina down till the moment they were in front of whatever sorta makeshift aisle they had in this horrendous lookin’ building. The greasy bloke grabbed some forms and led them through a door, down to a room dressed up in pink gawdy hearts and flowers and floatin’ lil naked babies.   He plopped Andrina down then and extended his arm to her.   “Ready?” he asked. There was still a teasin’ look in his eye, of course, but it was coupled with just a bit of seriousness. ‘Cuz here they were, here he was with Andrina wearin’ some trashy rental gown and ring he’d nicked at a nightclub, lookin’ at him like he was a prize she just won at a carnival. He looked at her and he felt… well happy.    Ahem. He turned away, shouting at greasy fellow.   “Can we get a wedding march here? Or something dancey? I wanna do this proper, mate. Only the best for the love of my life.”   

ANDRINA: Rob lifted her up and Andrina squealed, instantly kicking her feet as if she was trying to escape. Rob’s grip was firm though. He had her locked in his arms. Locked down, some might say-- hardy har har, marriage is an oppressive institution that people still willingly entered despite a shitton of sexist comments and attitudes!!!!!!!    But Andrina could escape if she wanted. Elbow Rob in the face and give the bugger a nosebleed and call the whole thing off. She’d even laugh it off and make it impossible for Rob to get mad at her. She knew how to play her cuteness as a shield like that.   But she didn’t want to escape.    She kind of wanted to get married. Why not? It wasn’t permanent. No matter what anyone said, marriage was a checkbox, and Andrina could check it off tonight, and erase it tomorrow.    But she wanted to say, at least once, she’d been married. In Blackpool. On a whim. To the love of her life-- or maybe not-- but certainly to a lad she liked more than she’d ever liked any boy. So she struggled only to make this more fun, and if she was playing a part, she was playing damsel, for once. God knows she’d never play that part again.    And then it was time, and she clicked down onto her boot heels and flipped her hair. She pretended to sniff snootily and tugged down at her sweater as though she was adjusting some kind of fancy bodice. Then she weaved her arm through Rob’s and waited for the music.    The wedding march sounded and Andrina turned to Rob with her Serious (™) face on.    “Race you down the aisle,” she said, Seriously.   And then she darted down the aisle, yelping as she felt the veil stuck in her hair give way a little. She reached up to secure it, and nearly tripped over the cheap dress. Rob caught her, and then they were laughing again, spinning the rest of the way, to the intolling organs and a bored looking for-hire officiant at the other end.    When they arrived, she was out of breath, but grinning. She flashed her ring at the officiant. “Pretty, innit?”   “Beautiful,” deadpanned the very bored bloke. She wondered if this place paid more than McDonalds or Starbucks. Hmm, back-up options for a career… “Ahem. We are gathered here today--”   “Wait! Rob, play my dad for a second. You gotta give me away.” She said and elbowed him in the side. 

  ROB   “Right, o’course,” said Rob without a moment’s hesitation. He darted back down to the end of the aisle. The rent-a-preacher stared at the both of them. Rob extended his arm out to Andrina and did his very best JEFF Triton impression.   “You look beautiful, darling,” he said, making his voice deeper which wasn’t necessarily how JEFF sounded, but it sounded vaguely what Rob imagined fathers to sound like. “I’m so happy that you’ve found someone for you.”   He didn’t know what fathers said to daughters on their wedding days, but he imagined it went something like that.   Puffing out his chest, he stomped down the aisle as the music played again. The bored pastor, preacher, random official person sighed.   “Are you ready now?” he asked.   Rob saluted, still pretending to be JEFF, and then took his place as Rob. He clasped his hands together like a groom in a movie, even though he was wearing a Dead Kennedys t-shirt and some old worn jeans, he pretended he was in some fancy tuxedo.    “Ahem. So, like I said we are gathered here today to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony...did you wanna do your own vows or just do the ‘for better or worse’ bit?”   “Nah I can do my own,” said Rob. He wasn’t about to say some church bullshit. He cleared his throat as the pastor bloke man person went about all the other    “Andrina,” said Rob, clearing his throat. “You’re absolutely batshit and I say that as someone who’s too hard to handle for literally every person in the world I've met before. You’re sexy and fun, but you’re also my partner in crime.” A smirk here, ‘cuz that was literal eyooo.    “And you know, “ Rob continued, a little more sincere now if you knew what to listen for, but you’d have to really know what to listen for in Rob’s voice. “I don’t think there’s been many girls in my life I’ve wanted to never stop kissin’ but I never wanna stop kissin’ you. I promise I’ll always be down to do something as wild as gettin’ married in this chapel and I promise we’ll never be bored. Or maybe we will be, but we’ll find somethin’. I love you — “    It slipped out and he couldn’t stop now, so he just grinned as he talked hopin’ she’d also find it like a joke (or hopin’, maybe that she didn’t).    “And I’d steal a million pounds for you and you know it, babe.”    “Lovely,” said the pastor, then turning to Andrina.   

ANDRINA: It was a joke as they waltzed down the aisle the second time, Andrina taking long, serious strides, trying to remain smooth-faced.   It was a joke as Robbie jumped to the front, smoothed a hand down his front, clasped his hands together.   It was a joke as Andrina climbed up to meet him, lifting her chin before sticking out a tongue for a split second before the officiant finished his cliche, scripted speech.   It was a joke as Robbie started his vows.   But it wasn’t a joke for long.   Andrina couldn’t trace where the slippage happened. But Rob’s smirk faded at some point and suddenly she was noticing the color of his eyes, which she’d never noticed before. She was not the type to note shit like that. That was for Tiny and Dell, even Lana to a point. Andrina only cared about how smart a boy was. If she was in the mood, she’d pick a stupid lad to get her off, finding the most embarrassing, neanderthal dirty talk a strange turn on-- like watching shitty porn on purpose. Other times, she picked someone a little wittier, who could keep up with her jabs-- good not just for the fuck, but for the foreplay.   Rob was obviously the latter. She loved his mouth, kissed it plenty of times, felt it on her neck, her breasts, between her legs. She liked when he talked and when he didn’t-- when he chuckled, when he smirked, when he sucked on a lolly she nicked for him from the market.    But now she was looking in his eyes and her stomach fluttered. Butterflies, for the first time, here on her wedding day.   She could blame the wedding for them. Blame her veil and the fake stained glass behind Rob and the big rock on her finger. It was all just an illusion. She didn’t really feel… she didn’t actually…   But maybe she did.   And suddenly there was a before and an after. There was a split in Andrina’s roads. She saw it clearly, her life behind her-- a life of seven sisters, never enough space, and always drama she was obligated to participate in. She’d leave Blackpool and return to it. The idea crushed her. She was suffocating right here, right now, which is usually how she felt when a boy, any boy, looked her dead in the eye like this and told her that they liked her-- except Rob was doing that right now and all she wanted to do was fling her arms around his neck and beg him to steal her away next.    Don’t make her go back to that fucking town, to all those sisters, to her shitty apartment and the dinners she had to show up to like reporting for the army, to her dead-end job, to Attina’s depression. Please, dear god, no.    Her marriage was a getaway car. Rob was driving. Andrina was calling shotgun and hopping the fuck in.    “I think vows are overrated,” she said. “But I promise that you are the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.” And she looked to the officiant. “Okay, say the thing.”   “Oh-- that’s all--?”   “Yeah. Chop chop buddy!” Andrina said with a hand wave. “This is the happiest day of my life, helloooooo!”    “Er--right. I now pronounce you--”   Andrina flung her arms around Rob’s neck and kissed him before he could finish. 

  ROB   Rob kissed Andrina back, picking her up a little and swingin’ her around. And ‘cuz why do this if he didn’t do this the right way, he picked up Andrina’s legs and carried her in his arms, like they were somethin’ out of a movie or somethin’.   Ha. Rob Hunt from Nottingham Orphanage never thought he’d be worthy of a movie. Not that this shitty chapel and these stolen rings and this rent-a-pastor were worthy of a movie. They were all shams, hacks, more reflective of Rob, really. But Andrina — Andrina was a real thing, better than any dumb movie endin’ because she had a wicked smile and sometimes in the morning her breath smelled and sometimes in the night she kicked, but she was smart and she never stopped, ever, and the mask Rob wore always somehow disppeared with her.    Also she was sexy as fuck.   He spun Andrina around a little, givin’ a bit of a woop, the gave her a proper snog. It was sticky and messy, the sort kiss that horny teenagers in the back of a car kissed. And what of it? He couldn’t wait to go back to the van and shag his wife.   “Hey, uh, sorry but you’ve got to sign these forms and stuff,” said the rent-a-preacher, holding up some papers. “It’s real quick, I promise. Sorry shoulda done it before but — “ “Yeah,  yeah, just bring it here,” said Rob, dropping Andrina down and grabbing the pen to quickly sign because, okay, the primary thing on his mind right now was sex.

  ANDRINA: Andrina was also thinking about a car-shag-- a back-of-a-van shag, actually, was more accurate. Her thighs were already trembling, desire as hot as the rest of her blood. If she stepped back from herself, she’d maybe realize it was the adrenaline from what might have been some kind of mental breakdown or dissociative episode. Because, her! Andrina! A wife!   Honesty, this was her most brilliant joke yet. Wait until she told her sisters.    (This thought instantly led to a short-circuit, and the Nyan Cat Video played on repeat.)   First though, right. Paperwork. This was another chance for Andrina to rewind this whole insane episode and decide she wasn’t going to be a wife after all. But Rob grabbed for the pen without hesitating, and fuck if she was going to prove to be a coward in the last ten seconds of the biggest Andrina-prank ever concocted.    Plus, she got bragging rights, she supposed, being the first sister to ever marry.    That was kind of a fucked up thing to think.    But it’s true, went the little voice in her head. As Andrina signed her name with a flourish, something very pleased inside her stretched itself out and started purring. A smile slid across her face. No one thought it’d be you, Andrina. Yeah, maybe this is a mental breakdown. Or maybe you finally found out who you’re supposed to be.   “Should I take your name?” Andrina said as she straightened up. She wiggled her veil off so she could plop it on Rob’s head instead, stepping forward to adjust it carefully. “Andrina Gardner. But that isn’t even your real name right? Well, that’s kind of hot. A fake-new last name. Or maybe you can take my last name-- it can be your new fake name. Or like, fake-real name. Rob Triton.” Her eyes moved from the veil down to his own. She smiled. It was her softest smile of the whole night. “What do you think?”   ROB   Rob had no attachment to his name. He slipped on and off his name like it was a scarf of some sort. Sometimes he forgot Robert Gardner wasn’t a real person; sometimes he forgot Robin Hunt was one. Sometimes, he forgot that once he went by Oliver and also that was his legal middle name.   “Well, you can’t marry Robert Gardner ‘cuz he ennit real,” said Rob, cheerfully, tossing the veil over his shoulder. The rent-a-pastor looked massively confused, but Rob paid him no mind. It’s not like this bloke was gonna do a deep investigation into Robert Gardner. That name was so common, Rob had chosen it for a reason.    Sometimes Robert Gardner felt more real to him than Robin Hunt. Robin Hunt was a name chosen by a system, a name written on paperwork and run through computers. A name he’d shed because the baggage of being Robin Hunt was too heavy for him to carry.    A name he sometimes felt guilty about leaving behind.   But he needed to pick up new ones. He had to keep evolving. Stay still and he’d die.   He looked at Andrina now, his mouth cocking up into a smile.    “But I can marry Andrina Triton. I’ve never had a real name of my own, so I might as well take yours, yeah? I don’t need to be Robert or Robin. Just Rob. Time to reinvent myself — “   He took the paper and signed Rob Triton  with a flourish.   “There we go — who’d thought you’d make a new, honest man outta me, eh?” 

  ANDRINA Andrina stared down at Rob Triton and felt something. That something didn’t have any name that she knew. It tickled, and if she thought about it too much, she suspected it might feel a little bit like heartburn.    Here’s what she did know: that something made her want to take this piece of paper with Rob Triton written on it, tear it up into pieces, shove it into her mouth, and eat it.    That’s how much she loved seeing it written out like that, the idea of not belonging to Rob at all-- but him belonging to her.   Instead of giving into her weirdo, paper-cannibalistic desire, she swept up the paper, folded it neatly and then reached under her dress, hiking the whole thing up. She hadn’t taken off her jeans, see. So she could just slip the paper in the back pocket. She let the dress back down and then slipped her arm through Rob’s own.    “Okay Mr. Triton. I think we need to consummate our marriage,” she winked at him.    The officiant grimaced.    “Chill out, we won’t do it here,” Andrina said and giggled. “We have a very on-brand sex van. Let’s make the most of it. Maestro, play the wedding march!”   “We don’t really do that on the way down the aisle…”   “Nevermind!” Andrina exclaimed and she tugged Rob down anyway-- and together they skipped their way back out into the early hours of a Blackpool morning.

[flirting-with-psychology]

1. Post a picture of u?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I probably shouldn’t but yes I would

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I am generally more comfortable with girls

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Yeah

5. Can you commit to one person?

Probably

6. How do you look right now?

Not my best

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A nightgown, a sweatshirt, glasses, and a hairband

8. How often do you listen to music?

Pretty often

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Sweats lol

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015?

Uhhh

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

In between

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would do my best to keep a poker face and be enthusiastic for them, then vent to everyone else

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Terrible

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

No

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Only if it’s true

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Not that I know of

17. When was the last time you cried?

I think a few days ago

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yep. Most recently a guy at my work who looks like Weird Al

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Maybe to green

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Make appointments

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I got confirmation that my crush has a girlfriend and getting over him is proving trickier than I had hoped

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Not really, if I have the potential to like someone it usually manifests before we get to the point of best friends. However, I do consider Captain one of my best friends now, and that started with me liking him

23. Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be but sometimes people are draining

24. What are you sitting on right now?

At my desk

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yeah

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Um, YEAH

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My mom? 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Kinda

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

No

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Maybe not everything, but a lot of things

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Only with friends

33. Are you a jealous person?

Kinda

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

7th grade

35. Did you have a dream last night?

I can’t remember

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

My parents

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Maybe, but no one I have feelings for

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Nah probably not

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Pretty good

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

I don’t have to think, NO

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Yeah I’m still single and lazy and have no career direction

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Just hanging out, since he has a girlfriend

44. What’s the best part about school?

Meeting people

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Um who doesn’t

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Not really

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

All the damn time. My brain is like Disney Channel: 90% reruns since there isn’t enough new content to fill the time

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Yup

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Going to bed

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

She’s kinda pretty

[southern-seasons]

every number please

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? steph..

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy af

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? nobody?

4. Are you easy to get along with? fuck no lmao

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yes of course

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I ain’t got no type…

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? gender doesn’t exist

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nah bruv

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? linds as usual

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “trust me, I know”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? bulls in the bronx by pierce the veil will always be in my top 5, and then.. currents convulsive also by ptv, outlines by all time low, take me home by the after midnight project, and recall recede by grandview

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? since when did I have hair

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? not miracles, no

15. What good thing happened this summer? not a fuckin thing

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? maybe if we were both available

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? hell yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I don’t remember my first crush

19. Do you like bubble baths? I mean I guess

20. Do you like your neighbors? not really lol

21. What are you bad habits? I have too many to list

22. Where would you like to travel? croatia?

23. Do you have trust issues? abso-fuckin-lutely

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? finally laying down after work

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? all of it

26. What do you do when you wake up? lay there and want to die

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I’m indifferent

28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not anymore

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? not as of yet

30. Do you ever want to get married? been there, done that, wouldn’t recommend

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? pffft

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? what are celebrities?

33. Spell your name with your chin. g oki c

34. Do you play sports? What sports? lol noo sports for me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv for sure

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?all the damn time

37. What do you say during awkward silences? some really stupid shit most likely

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Large and In Charge

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I haven’t been shopping in years

40. What do you want to do after high school? I haven’t been to school in 10 years

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yes, I do

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that I’m overwhelmed

43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space!!!

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? dat money baby money baby

46. What are you paranoid about? my interpersonal relationships

47. Have you ever been high? only a third of my life

48. Have you ever been drunk? many times

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I'm pretty much an open book bruv

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? brown I believe

51. Ever wished you were someone else? only every day

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my entire personality??

53. Favourite makeup brand? love me some Mary kay

54. Favourite store? uhhhh

55. Favourite blog? @southern-seasons

56. Favourite colour? purple

57. Favourite food? alfredo

58. Last thing you ate? half of a peanut butter sandwich

59. First thing you ate this morning? bowl of cinnamon toast crunch

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I won a poker tournament once

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended quite a few times

62. Been arrested? For what? 8 times, once for burglary, once for credit card fraud, once for petit theft, once for possession, the rest for violations of probation

63. Ever been in love? yup

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was saying goodbye to my first ever girlfriend in middle school and I kissed her on the cheek because i was too scared to actually kiss her and one of her friends said something like “that’s it??” and I was like oh hell naw I got this and kissed her

65. Are you hungry right now? fuck yeah I am thanks for reminding me

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I don’t have either so

67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? never

70. Names of your bestfriends? Linds and Steph

71. Craving something? What? not at the moment

72. What colour are your towels? black

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? just one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? negative

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? maybe 1 or 2 from when i was smol

75. Favourite animal? kiwi bird

76. What colour is your underwear? blue?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? cookie dough mmmmmm

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? not wearing a shirt

80. What colour pants? blue jeans

81. Favourite tv show? ???

82. Favourite movie? ???

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? I haven’t seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? I haven’t seen either

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? ???

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? m mufuckin squishy

87. First person you talked to today? linds

88. Last person you talked to today? aly

89. Name a person you hate? I don’t know that I hate anyone

90. Name a person you love? linds

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? I’m sure there’s a list

92. In a fight with someone? not at the moment

93. How many sweatpants do you have? none

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? two?

95. Last movie you watched? uhhhhhh I cannot recall

96. Favourite actress? ??

97. Favourite actor? ??

98. Do you tan a lot? nope

99. Have any pets? a cat

100. How are you feeling? tired

101. Do you type fast? I typo too much on mobile to be fast but I’m quick enough on the computer

102. Do you regret anything from your past? most of it tbh

103. Can you spell well? more so than most people I know

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? there are a few

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? not yet

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately

107. Have you ever been on a horse? nope

108. What should you be doing? sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? not particularly

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? lol yup

111. Do you have trust issues? only all the time

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? aly

113. What was your childhood nickname? the dude lol

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? multiple times

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? well shit I should be

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? it’s ok

118. Do you like Chinese food? name one person who doesnt

119. Favourite book? The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

120. Are you afraid of the dark? nah bih

121. Are you mean? I can be

122. Is cheating ever okay? fuck anyone who cheats

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? pfft no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? lol no

125. Do you believe in true love? I’m skeptical

126. Are you currently bored? not too badly

127. What makes you happy? this is too deep of a question

128. Would you change your name? I would love to

129. What your zodiac sign? leo

130. Do you like subway? yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I fuckin hope they do

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? is it me or are these questions repeating

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “i held a diamond to the sun / to count the moments on account of the way you / smile for me / oh, we’re in slow motion when you / smile for me”

134. Can you count to one million? can I? yes. will i? fuck you

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I’m sure there are plenty

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? what doors

137. How tall are you? 6'1"

138. Curly or Straight hair? straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette

140. Summer or Winter? winter

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? november

143. Are you a vegetarian? yep!

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk

145. Tea or Coffee? coffee

146. Was today a good day? it was my first good day in a long time

147. Mars or Snickers? uhhh

148. What’s your favourite quote? stop making me try to remember shit

149. Do you believe in ghosts? lol nah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? bitch I’m not getting up

[icecreambat]

Story time: Dating everyone in P5 turned Joker into a sociopath

The first time I ended up dating more than one girl in a Persona game, it was an honest accident. I’d already imprinted on Chie in Persona 4, and had no idea comforting Yukiko during her social link would turn me into a two-timing douche. A quick save-state reload rectified this mistake, but it taught me an important lesson: in Persona games, monogamy is not the limit of your teenage life.

As Persona 5 rolled around, I grew fond of Makoto on my first playthrough. With her on my side I experienced the Phantom Thief thrill ride, maxing my social links while gently turning other girls down. It wasn’t until the NewGame+ that I wondered: wouldn’t it be interesting to try the multi-dating thing? That way I could fast-forward all romance scenarios and not watch them on Youtube later like a loser, duh. If this game was intentionally giving me the opportunity to be Tokyo’s biggest Don Juan, then by Mona, I’d do it!

Little did I know, though, that as I embarked on a quest to bag all the single ladies* the whole atmosphere of the game changed. What had been a more or less generic adventure about truth and justice took on some… rather disturbing undertones, ones that went beyond the actual dating scenarios. In fact, the game turned out to be such an interesting social experiment that I wanted to write about it, so here I am. So, this is a recap of how dating multiple people in Persona 5 turned my Joker into a sociopath.

* except for Makoto, because a) I already romanced her before and b)…. it didn’t feel right, her being my first and all. SO SUE ME I’M A LOSER AFTER ALL

So. Here we are again, moving to Tokyo, whoop de doo. NewGame+ means not having to waste days on working out the ropes, so you can focus on the stuff that matters: getting as overpowered as you can in the least amount of time possible. For me, this meant maxing out Kawakami’s social link as fast as I could, because her bonuses are pretty swank – I really could have used the post-Mementos or post-palace massages during my first playthrough too, but kinda forgot about her right after Operation Maidwatch. Well, no more! I was bringing that teacher home left and right at every possible instance, so obviously I ended up maxing her link first. Ergo, we entered a relationship. 

I’m not gonna lie: the Kawakami romance is some weird (and arguably illegal) shit. Maybe that kinda set the tone of this adventure from the start, giving me an mc who was 100% ok with romancing his homeroom teacher slash part time maid. Uh… huh. Given that my suspension of disbelief went out of the window right about there, it was easy to pick the “omg i totally like, care about you and stuff” dialogue options that went with it; I mean, I was doing this for science and stuff, no big deal.

That’s why it surprised me that when it was time to romance the next (un)lucky girl, I felt like shit about it. Not because of Kawakami, but because Ann wasn’t some ludicrous dating option pulled out of the “lol what if we let the players date everyone!!” shitpost book. Instead, Ann and the mc had already been through Some Shit together, best friend suicide attempts and sexually abusive PE teachers included, and she was a teenage girl looking for her place in the world. So when Ann confided in me about her feelings and told the mc she loved him, “returning” her feelings –while knowing I was already dating my…. uhh, homeroom teacher slash part time maid– genuinely made me feel like the absolute scum of the earth.

“I can’t do this,” I thought at this point, “Even if these are fictional characters in a fictional game, I feel like shit lying to these girls that I care about them, because obviously that’s not true if I’m so callously dating someone else behind their back. How can people do that in real life if I can’t even do it in a video game? Oh, naïve me! Because my lesson in the callousness of man had only just begun.

Anyway, so. Here I am, dating Kawakami and Ann. I think I figured that lying to my teammates didn’t Feel Very Good so headlining for randos seemed like the better choice to make next: Ohya the reporter ended up being the third girl I romanced, and it was relieving she seemed to understand the unlikely nature of our relationship. “I get that we probably won’t stay together forever,” she was telling me, almost like she knew she was only the third wheel in my extended trailer truck, headed to nowhere fast; the same kinda goes for Tae, the punk rock doctor, whose reservedness somehow made it easier to ignore the serial cheater vibes in the dynamic.

Chihaya, on the other hand, was different. Seemingly a little younger than the other grown-ups, she was already a lot more straightforward about her interest in the mc, and harbored all sorts of weird fantasies about them staying together forever. Which is exactly what I told her would happen. Not! Funny that for a fortune teller she couldn’t see I was also spouting this same shit to four other girls, huh? Chihaya reminded me of Ann, in a way, which is why the Bad Feels actually started to resurface here – it’s one thing to lie boldly in the face of girls (women) who aren’t really that invested in you to begin with, but when it’s people who actually believe said lies… well.

Now, I know, I know. There’s no actual reason to feel guilty, because these choices don’t affect the gameplay in any way. Whether or not the mc is an asshole in some ways will still result in everyone loving the shit out of him, and being sad when he leaves. Sure, there’s the scene after Valentine’s Day where you get beat up for being a cheater and the girls kind of call him out on it, but that’s about it; this isn’t Mass Effect, you can’t go full renegade, etc. etc. But even if the game barely acknowledges the clear disparity in the mc’s words and actions, it’s really hard to overlook as the player, and as I said, it kinda changes the tone of the whole game.

You see, during the course of the story the mc ends up establishing a whole bunch of social links: Ryuji, Yusuke, Mishima and even Sojiro are but few of the guys you end up making heartfelt bonds with too. Only problem is, once you go the Lie Route with the girls, the mc hardly comes across as any more honest with the guys – and this is what really puts a spin on his reliability. Everyone’s always going on about what a great guy he is, but none of them know what a quadruple-timing, lying asshole he is at the same time. And why would they? All he does is tell people what they want to hear!

Apparently the devs of Dream Daddy wanted to challenge the notion that this kind of behaviour automatically leads to “good endings” in visual novels, because it only makes the mc seem a little sociopathic. Sure enough, that’s exactly the word I would use to describe how my mc started to come across in all his social interactions in P5. Well, not all, actually; there was one character whose exchanges with the mc came across as genuine even when virtually nothing else did. Yeah, you guessed it: Akechi.

I’m taking a brief interlude here to talk about Akechi, because my social experiment with the mc’s romances actually ended up underlining how similar he and Akechi are as people. It’s what the game hints at continuously with the whole ~two sides of the same coin stuff anyway, but the point really gets hammered home when you repeatedly watch the mc fake his way through life just like Akechi puts on his own double persona (pun not intended). In that sense, it’s only natural that the two would recognize each other as equals, and that their interactions ring more sincere than any other discussion they have in the game.

But back to serial dating, if you will. After Chihaya, I started dating Hifumi the shogi girl, but to be completely honest I sort of mentally fazed her out; with every new girl I tricked into dating me, the initial unease seemed to diminish until I couldn’t remember what had made me feel so disgusted in the first place. I mean, I was already lying to so many people, what did it matter if I lied to one more, right? It’s not like I actually hung out with anyone ever again after I “entered a relationship” with them, and it’s not like my actions carried over to pre-scripted cutscenes, so who cares, right? Nobody (well, apart from a physical game engine) was forcing these girls to believe my bullshit, so really, the fault was theirs for being so gullible, right!!11

…Well, I might have been able to go along with that type of douchebag logic if I’d only kept dating randos. Since I skipped Makoto, the next girl I got cozy with was Futaba… and this is where the skeezy-ville started to nag on my consciousness again, because like with Ann, you know that Futaba’s been through A Lot: she basically spent the past couple of years as a hikikomori, convinced that her mother committed suicide because of her. Trust is a really big thing for her, so throwing a cheating mc into that equation gets really ugly when you think about how he gains that trust just to betray it. When you add in Sojiro, you’re essentially screwing both of them over while pretending to be a happy little family. If you take these events at face value, it kinda makes you wonder: seriously dude, what on earth is your damage?!

If that wasn’t disturbing enough, we finish with Haru. She is also running from one abuser but, if dating a cheating mc, kind of ends up in the arms of another. Although she enters the story fairly late in the game, it’s no less shitty to listen to her be so grateful for your “support”, knowing you’ve sat through variations of this scene with half a dozen other girls already. I just kind of kept staring at the mc’s poker face (pun not intended, again) while wondering how much worse it seems that none of these choices affect anything tangible in the game, even when the whole theme is helping other people (and shitty authority figures, sure, but mainly helping people).

And you know, it’s really that endless poker face that gives the whole thing such a weird ass vibe: this is a 17-year-old kid who’s moved to Tokyo for a year, and ends up constructing a meticulously crafted fake personality that has everyone treating him like the greatest guy on earth. If you perceive this as the intended story (as opposed to the mismatch of a fixed script and optional gameplay choices that it actually is), Persona 5 suddenly becomes a story much darker than its original premise. Who is the real mc, and why is he doing any of this? What is his actual sense of truth and justice, if he spins it so grotesquely to suit his given situation? How troubled does he have to be for this kind of behaviour to emerge, and what caused it?

I know getting busted on Valentine’s Day is played mainly for laughs, but when you put all this together it’s obvious just getting dumped doesn’t even begin to cover the actual consequences of the mc’s actions should have. For the 100% fake personality he’s clearly constructed up until this point, how anyone can still follow him into the depths of Mementos is beyond me. But hey, I know we’re not operating on earth logic here.

Still, as I mentioned, this levels the mc with Akechi a lot – suddenly it’s very hard to condemn Akechi, even in theory, for the route he ended up taking in life, because isn’t the mc basically doing the same thing? Taking advantage of as many people he can to advance his own ends, with the only difference that he ended up on the winning side? Not only that, but it makes it harder to root for the “good guys”, knowing that you’re not a good guy – you’re just some guy with a big enough charm stat to make people follow your fake ideals, whatever those might in reality be.

Personally, I was also surprised at how easy it was to go from “this is horrible I hate this I can’t lie to these girls” to the “eh whatever, I’ve done this long enough that I’ve distanced myself from giving a shit”, then back to “oh shit oh shit this is so wrong” over the course of a single game. I know this sounds like a hyperbole, but in that sense I’m… actually not that surprised at how people find themselves ignoring those same patterns in real life. Which is why it’s so disheartening there’s only one scene dedicated to the consequences; it would be so interesting if there was something more tangible to remind the player that yeah, you’re entitled to picking these options, but it does turn the mc into someone pretty damn messed up.

I mean, damn – by December I’d maxed out all my social links, and suddenly had shit all to do, and because I couldn’t sit through a single fake date with one of my fake ass girlfriends again, I ended up making my mc train every day and night just so I had something to occupy my time between going out and murdering things in Mementos and/or a palace. Watching him do shirtless pull-ups in his room I sorta realized: Oh my god, I turned my mc into a high school version of Patrick Bateman. This game sure took a turn.

So I suppose the point of this story time is that while dating anyone in P5 (and most Persona games, I’d assume) is ultimately only a gameplay element meant for the player’s extra entertainment, sometimes those seemingly superfluous gameplay elements can turn into unintentional story elements – in this case, an experiment of how easily lying to one person turns into lying to everyone, and how sometimes it’s not that easy to tell at what point you stop being genuine at all. Wow, them video games, huh? Always a source of profound inspiration.... or something.

[surveystodestressme]

85.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you  have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #69

“suicide is painless.”

do you like getting hickeys? yeah, honestly. love bites are some sexy shit. oral, do you like oral? i enjoy receiving it, but i do not like giving it. i don't care how clean you may be, sorry, i don't want your dick in my mouth. because of this, i didn't like receiving it to begin with because i didn't want to receive something i didn't want to give, i wanted to be fair. there were occasions jason just really seemed to want to do it tho so it just happened. he was such a fucking gentleman, he was always concerned about keeping me pleased. if you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? METALLICA OKAY plan on getting drunk or high tonight? i'm drinking right now actually, but i'm only having one. so no, i won't get drunk. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i've had two, but neither really talk to me anymore, sooo. is it okay for people to cheat if it’s only online? uhhh, no? are you interested in anime? yeah, sure. do you have a favorite youtuber or do you not watch much youtube? RHETT!! AND!! LINK!! SLASH!! G!! M!! M!!! have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? no, and i wouldn't because i have an essential tremor. i'd mess it up. have you ever made out in a hot tub? lmao i wish. ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? i'm sure i have in my sleep once because i dreamt of peeing lmao what was the name of the last video game you played? i was trying to play "the last of us," but my ps3 was too far gone. what is your favorite elvis song? "hound dog," probably. what is the last tattoo you got? "ohana" on my right collarbone what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? honestly occasional fantasies about certain things with my ex lmao do you let your pets on your furniture? of course. they live here. do you enjoy your job? if unemployed, are you content being so? i am not content being unemployed, no. it's just debatable whether i'm capable or not, as at my past two jobs, working with so many strangers, i lived in a constant panic attack that came to a head as puking. so now i'm trying to find a job with animals... what is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? whether or not to maintain abstinence. what is your favorite christmas movie? jim carrey's "how the grinch stole christmas" what do you think of your best friend’s ex? not much to think. it was puppy-love. so much so he turned out to be gay. are you biracial? i am not. be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? he deserves a goddess would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? whenever i wear makeup, i'm liable to wear black lipstick. if you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? and if you wear mascara, what color is it? always black. what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? mike's hard lemonade, black cherry. that was last night; i got too tired to finish the survey last night. are you any good with kids? not especially, no. i don't know what to do with them. shit you not, there have been multiple occasions where my niece (she's two) has come up to me, looking for a hug, and i almost pet her on the head like an animal. i just. don't know what to do with children, i'm really awkward around them. have you seen the last person you kissed without a shirt on? yes wow very good a+++ do you like watching jerry springer? oh my god, NO. so fucking dramatic. have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? nope. pretty sure one of jason's best friends hates my guts anyway, because i "made him miserable for three years." yeah fucking right. plenty of proof otherwise. have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? yeah. true story, skinny jeans are fucking hard to get off. have you ever deleted your facebook, then brought it back? nope, had no reason to. have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? not at the time when we were dating, no. i knew he smoked weed once in a blue moon, but i made him stop entirely. i wasn't dating anyone involved with drugs. what’s your favorite brand of peanut butter? don't have one, actually. do you have a thing for shy/awkward hot guys? according to my history, no. what’s your favorite lunchables meal? the nachos one! have you ever eaten at golden corral? yeah. it was honestly gross. do you ever decide to just dance crazy to a favorite song? no. another thing i just haven't done since j's been gone. i feel stupid doing it. have you ever watched fireworks with someone you loved? i wish. :( are you good at memorizing phone numbers? not in the slightest. i don't even know mine. do you like men who have a sensitive side? i only like guys with a sensitive side. like damn, you need emotions. have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? i've used glittery eyeshadow before, and i've also used glitter in dance classes. do you keep a memo book/agenda? i fucking read that as "meme book" lmao. but no. is there a song in a different language that you can sing? multiple german ones. what was the most expensive thing someone bought you? i'm certain it was my gaming laptop j got me. it's like... a couple ks in price, i think. how do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? hype as fuck, just don't pull a james hetfield. is there anyone on your facebook friends list that you dislike? why do you dislike them? no, because if i dislike you, i wouldn't have you as a friend. there is, however, one friend that annoys me sometimes, but i still care for her. she's just... liberal to a very pushy degree and shares some nasty, sexual shit sometimes. you can't disagree with her. have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? i'm sure i did as a baby...? and lmao i actually ate an orange-flavored guinea pig yogurt treat once. shit wasn't that bad. ;3; have you ever thought about what you might call your children? or, if you already have children, what are their names? my future daughter WILL be alessandra quinn and my husband will fucking like it lol. i can't pick between severin, vincent, and luther for a boy... where is the person you would most like to see, or most like to be with? hm. monday morning. guessing school or work, or he may even still be in bed. find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. who are these people, and how did you meet them? kelly: friend from art class in high school; katie: half-sister, we don't talk much, but we're very alike; katelynn: jason's friend jacob's ex-girlfriend, very sweet girl; katherine: i'm pretty sure we met via youtube through a shared love of meerkats; kathleen: high school friend whom i shared various classes with, i miss her soooo much. is there a person that you can go to in sweats, and still feel comfy? lmao. everyone. do you think the last person you kissed is nice? i wouldn't have dated him otherwise. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? none... or maybe one. how far away is the last person you kissed? if he's at work? literally like two minutes. we passed by his work yesterday, and i checked for his car. it was there. took a while to get over that, just knowing i was in the same place as him... have you ever had a teacher that was like a second mom to you? definitely mrs. worthington, who i just call miss tobey. she was my high school physical science teacher, and the class she had was HORRID. i was the one and only student who would stand up to the class and demand they give her respect. after i did that once, we just... clicked. i was going through a tough time accepting my parents' divorce, and she was always there for me. we got so close that now, even out of school, she visits sometimes. she even takes me out to eat sometimes. she is a wonderful lady, i love her. have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? no, but my best friend has. i smiled watching her sing and dance a little bit. (: was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? neither, really. it was more like the only thing to do. i was reading "the maze runner" at the hospital. would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in his house? either, honestly. both are fun. (: do you enjoy long car rides? yes! so long i can sit in the front and blare my music honestly, lmao. do you ever wish you could live on a farm? not particularly. i wouldn't like all the maintenance. do you know how to play poker? i used to. have you ever had an ear infection? i had them so frequently as a kid i had to get tubes put in my ears. never had one since. what color is your favorite bra? baby pink what was the name of your first boyfriend? if you wanna count the first person who ever had the title, aaron. have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? for less than a day. have you ever dated someone a year younger than you? aaron was younger than me, yes. have you ever dated someone of another race? again, for less than 24 hours. do you enjoy eating veggies? lmao i'm a pure-blooded american, fam. are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? no. i see him as a brother. what do you think of country music? it's just not my cup of tea. i don't like the sound of it, too twangy. do you think pigs are cute or ugly? SO CUTE!!! did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? if so, did you feel pressured to do the same? i'm sure some have, but that's not my business? and i mean maybe very mildly, but not really. what kind of home would you like? i'm very open to possibilities, honestly. i don't really have a "dream home," but i guess i can say i'd like a wooden home in the woods near a stream, a lot like my uncle's house. did you ever build furniture forts as a child? sure as hell did! what kind of dog is your favorite? i really like akita inus, beagles, chow-chows, pit bulls... have you ever considered dropping acid? nahhh. describe your music style: just gimme some heavy metal, babe. \m/ are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? not particularly. have you ever had a seizure? thank christ no. do you plan on losing weight any time soon? i'm trying to now. i'm eating a lot less. what was your gpa in high school? above 4.00, that's all i know. it was pretty darn high. dunno what happened lmao if you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? ehhh i have a couple i consider favorites. fullmetal alchemist: probably envy. supernatural: dean. american horror story: tate. sherlock: the man himself, i assume. what is your favorite book series, if you have one? "warriors," but i haven't read it in years. have you ever had a parasite before? no. i'd fucking die. they're just so gross. do you enjoy listening to older music? sure. a good portion of what i listen to is from my parents' childhood/teen years. have you been to disney world before? yes! c: have you ever met someone who was really racist before? lmao welcome to the south. if you could be a disney character for a day, who would you be? hmmm. kinda hard to pick when you don't know how their happily ever after is. i assume snow white with how close she is to animals. would you ever want to swim with sharks? honestly, no. like i think i'm pretty educated about sharks and know attacks are VERY rare, but i could be that statistic, y'know? what was the last thing that made you laugh?  probably something chelsea said/did. ever used a bow and arrow?  i haven't. occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?  archaeologist, veterinarian, writer, artist, movie director tea or coffee? both are gross. opinions on sex before marriage?  if you follow my surveys regularly, you know my opinion on this has been changing. basically, if you know you love that person and you know your body is ready, do it. just be safe doing it. who was the hottest teacher you ever had? LAAAAAWD YAAAAAA'LL WHO WAS THAT ONE BAND TEACHER. i think his name was mr. serena, but regardless, he was hot as FUCK. have you ever walked on a beach at night? i have. (: mom didn't know where we were tho and called the police... whoops lmao. when was the last time you baked something? did it turn out good?   brownies i assume, like a month back, and they were fine. do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless?   yes.  fuck common core. why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back?   i remember learning this in high school...  some president, can't remember which, did it for eco-friendly reasons. what song really gets to your heart and inspires you?   "life won't wait" by ozzy osbourne, probs.  i love that song. do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did?   we do! what commercial do you wish they kept playing? why do you like it?   the one about contacts omg where the dude goes "MY BRAND" and it's all over-dramatic and shit. what current commercial is your favorite?   "I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!" fucks me up omg if you could of played in any movie, what movie would it be?   ohhh "alice in wonderland!" did you used to do easter egg hunts when you were a child?   omg yaaaas what would you rather live by: highway, train tracks or airport?   train tracks.  i did as a child, so it's nostalgic for me. do you believe that ‘hate’ really is a strong word?   duh. if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things?   lmao when facebook was new-ish, i went on a fanning spree from friends' pages, ha... as a kid, did you love playing on neopets?   heeeell yeah, boi!  loved neopets!  i always wanted a plushy of the dragon neopet. do you often get bitten by mosquitoes, or rarely ever?   rarely ever.  meanwhile, my sister gets DEVOURED.  i've heard it relates to your blood type? what’s your opinion on plastic surgery? ever thought about getting it?   i honestly think it's quite the waste of money, like... you lived until adulthood with whatever the problem area is, why can't you live longer and spend your money elsewhere?  i haven't thought of getting it, but i don't judge people who do.  i honestly do understand what it's like to have a part of you you don't like. do you own any feathers?   blue jay feathers, yes. do you have a skype?   i do, but i like.  never use it.  only ever to talk to sam. the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”?   i'd start crying, say i forgive you, hug him, kiss him, just honestly lose it, but in a good way. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?   i couldn't tell you, but probably olive garden or ruby tuesday's. do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex?   i don't have a current bf, but when i was with jason, i could imagine me getting mad if he talked too much about rachel, yeah.  like if he randomly brought up something with her, i wouldn't wanna hear it.  now if we were talking about something that simply related to an ex, that's fine. do you know anybody who was abused?   i do. do you start feeling really gross if you don’t shower after one day?   no?  it's just one day. do you pee a lot more after you’ve drank a caffeinated beverage?   doesn't everyone? waiting for something?   yes, actually.  jason got my letter this morning; mom stamped it and put it in his mailbox.  the letter included my contact information "just in case," and i'm, y'know, hoping for a phone call, facebook friend request... something. who is your last received call from?   an unknown number, so i didn't answer.  honestly worried it was jason. how do you pronounce the name Sean when you come across it in text… “shawn” “sheen” or “shane”?   "shawn" wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY weird if someone fell in love with you after reading your answers to this survey?   i don't believe you can fall in love that easily. who is the next person you’ll hold hands with?   my mom. have you ever pole danced before?   what is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?   ummmm.  i'm not sure. do you believe your dreams have any real meaning?   not really.  usually. what do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet?   i mean i'd prefer to be asked in person, but i have no real opinion.  if you're too shy to do it face-to-face, i understand. do you drink more apple or orange juice?   orange do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex?   yep, 5th grade.  i was very confused lol. do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive?   extreme?  no. does it bug you when people go ‘mhm’ all the time when you’re talking?   no, i do that.  it's to indicate i'm following what you're saying. are your parents religious?   they're both catholic what is your favorite hostess/little debbie snack?   devil cakes, i think. do you find it rude when you offer someone something and they decline?   no? do you think benedict cumberbatch is hot?   i find him relatively attractive favorite disney princess?   maybe jasmine.  my fave was ariel when i was a kid. does your sibling have a significant other?   tiffany: no clue.  katie: no clue.  misty: yes.  bobby: no clue.  ashley: yes, married.  nicole: yes, and i hate him. do you have any american girl dolls in your house?   probably not anymore, but maybe?  nicole and i had our own when we were younger. have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes?   OKAY.  OKAY.  STORY TIME.  no, i never wore anything "revealing."  however, i once wore a cami beneath a see-through, floral mesh black shirt that had sleeves, so my arms were covered, as demanded.  however, this random-ass staff member LOST her SHIT one day when i wore it??  despite NO ONE ever mentioning anything the maaaany times i'd worn it before??? are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment?   i have two books that're actually jason's, but i guess i'm not exactly "borrowing" them anymore. have your parents ever questioned your virginity?   i know mom has, no idea about dad. roleplaying is super lame, agreed?   no??  it's very imaginative and freeing, honestly.  i've been a forum rper since like... 2007, but i've never done it and am not interested in doing it in real life.  irl, i'd be waaaay too fucking awkward. how're you feeling right now?   i'm feeling nostalgic and stressed.  worried.  as i said earlier in the survey, jason should've gotten his letter by now.  i doubt he's read it yet as he's probs at school or work, but when he gets it... i just wish i was a fly on the wall seeing what he's going to do.  tear it up and throw it out, or read it.  i've just never felt so close to having him back... y'know?  this is my last-ditch effort, and i just pray, i pray, it'll pay off.  no one knows just how much i love him, and how far i'd go for him.  just... damn, i'd do it all.  i just want him back. does/did either of your parents serve in the military?   no. is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to?   jason are you prone to illness?   not at all. are you on birth control?   only for period cramps.  mine were murderous beforehand. how bad are heartbreaks?   the worst things in the world. has a song ever given you an orgasm?   LMAOOOOOOO that's possible? have you ever made out in your room? last time?   plenty of times... but i don't remember the last... if the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say?   i'd be too busy crying to talk. do you like your eyes?   i wish they were bigger. are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with?   physically?  yeah.  emotionally?  obviously. do you have a big butt?   not at all.  it's p flat honestly. would you be a good salesperson?   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO do you like hot sauce? if yes, what do you usually put it on?   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.  mainly hot wings, obv. can you do the 'emo hair flip'?   I WISH do you know anyone that has dimples?   me! would you ever make out in front of your best friend?   probably mildly, tbh.  like i can imagine french kissing in front of her, but no more than that. anything physically wrong right now?   yeah.  my stomach hurts, i'm twitching a lot, and my heartbeat is hectic.  my anxiety's high as fuck right now.  i feel like sobbing. ever had sex under water?   welp, that's on my bucket list now. the last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   if he left ashley, sure.  i'd believe him. you're having twins. what's your first reaction?   i'd honestly probably just say something like "well damn" or likewise... i don't want to have to carry more than one child at once, really.  i'd go through with it of course, but w/e. did your first love love you back?   i hope... do you have scars on your wrists?   no.  they faded long ago. do you like fedoras?   lmao okay imma get so much shit for this.  but yes.  jason wore one sometimes, and shit it was sexy.  and no, i do not like fedoras just because i associate them with my ex; i actually liked them before i knew him. have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything?   i have.  and i did. is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?   i personally think dave mustaine from megadeth is the prime example.  his voice is horrid, yet simultaneously, enjoyable?  like i wouldn't want another vocalist for the band. is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway?   rammstein.  they've got some pretty whacky songs. does your optimism sometimes hurt you?   lmao what optimism? have you ever painted a piece of furniture?   yes.  i helped jason paint his desk and dresser. do you believe the fortunes in fortune cookies?   no. what do you prefer more: waffles or pancakes?   pancakes.  they're softer. did you love playing hide and seek as a kid?   i did. got plans after you finish this?   honestly crying rn so probably keep crying. did you ever dream that you had a baby?   multiple times. have you ever been in a beauty pageant?   ha ha fuck that. did you sleep alone?   lmao when don't i? does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed?   she fucking hates him. where is the last person you kissed at this moment?   boy, wouldn't i like to know. describe your dream girl/guy?   jason.  there's your fucking description. been arrested? for what?   nope. tell us the story of your first kiss?   go read an old survey.  told it before.  just know i want to kiss him again.  for hours. do you sleep with stuffed animals?   no... but i honestly think i'm going to grab rebel (meerkat from j) tonight.  i need him, and i guess the closest i can get to him is something from him. how many stuffed animals do you think you have?   honestly, probably over 100.  they're stuffed in a closet, lol. favorite character from finding nemo?   dory was my babe. how long does it typically take you to get over people?   apparently, i never do. are you stressed out?   i'm fucking hyperventilating on tears and can't see what i type, what do you think??? so tell me one interesting thing about yourself.   i can somehow obsess over a man who doesn't want me to the point of ruining my life.  cool, right? do you own a trenchcoat?   fam i wish. have you ever owned a tire swing?   no. do you have a nervous twitch?   i do. are you currently listening to music?   "numb" by linkin park.  i'm having a classics binge. is it easy to get a job where you live?   we have the highest unemployment rate in the state.  so.  guess. is your signature legible?   it is. when was the last time you cried because you were angry?   i'm crying on and off right now and part of it is from anger, so... is there an animal that scares you?   WHALE SHARKS LIKE FUCK THAT are you any good at video games?   i'd like to think so. has a jehovah’s witness ever showed up on your doorstep?   omg yeah. do you have a step parent?   yes, but i don't refer to her as "mom."

okay sorry this is shorter than usual but honestly i’m a wreck right now and need to go sob with my mom.

[lordhenry]

survey 40

What was the last thing you purchased? Yesterday I pre-ordered Hozier’s latest album so I can get exclusive early access to book tix for his European tour this September lol.

How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? One.

Has anybody ever called you a tease? Not necessarily described as such in general, but I have been told that a few times by my boyfriend for acting cheeky in the moment.

What is your significant other’s middle name? He doesn’t have one.

Who were your last 4 missed calls? My boyfriend. All 4 of them.

What colour did you last paint your nails? This sort of... if you were to darken seafoam green?

What were you doing at 4 AM? To be honest, crying. I didn’t know what I was crying for either, but I just all of a sudden cried around 3–4am last night. My boyfriend reassured me that it could just be my hormones but I don’t really know and I don’t understand.

What was the last thing you ate? Ferrero Rocher.

How is your hair done right now? Down and messy.

What do you want? Peace of mind, motivation, inspiration, a breakthrough, a passion, renewed sense of hope. Shall I go on?

How much money did you spend yesterday? £18.something for the Hozier album pre-order.

What brand is your underwear? La Senza and Victoria’s Secret.

What is something you have acquired with age? A healthy amount of independence, with more than a dash of uhm, familial... disconnect lol.. 

Do people interest you? Yes, when they have something new to offer.

Are you in love right now? I am. 

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names: I suppose we have grown apart and will continue to grow apart. Seasons change and so do people. I have to accept it and move on. I have no space in me for sadness. Whatever gives me sadness, I have to ignore. In essence, I will let our friendship go. I think the time has come and you are due to go, and hopefully grow. It’s just not the same anymore and I refuse to be used or engaged with only when it’s convenient for you. I don’t believe it’s friendship when you approach me needing help, but ignore me when you’re fulfilled.

What do you check out first when you check someone out? Their eyes and smile, their energy.

When you looked in the mirror today, what was your first thought? I don’t look half bad.

Would you raise your children like your parents raised you? Not at all. I would involve myself more in their lives. I would push my children to do things that they could be passionate about (art, dance, music, activities, anything of interest, anything!). I would guide them with example, not with empty words. Most of all, I would be there and they would be comfortable to share their feelings with me.

What does your middle name mean? Month of flowers, and spring. Also just because I was born on it. 

Will you be over 21 in 3 years? Yes, good Lord. I hate to think of it. 

What is your favourite perfume/candle fragrance? I love perfume and I have so much that I love. But I like to think of Byredo’s Gypsy Water as the one perfume that I would never get tired of wearing. As for candle fragrance, it varies a lot. The last one I really loved was Autumn Glow by Yankee Candle.

Do you blush easily? When something I find embarrassing/I’m shy of happens without warning. Or when my boyfriend does something that makes me blush, he’s good at it.

Are you an artist/writer? I write poetry from time to time, I am not prolific enough or confident enough to call myself a writer.

Do you play an instrument? Guitar.

Do you like to dance? I am an awful dancer. I only dance in clubs when I’m drunk. Otherwise, I don’t even have the confidence to. When I was young, I was definitely interested in being a ballerina, but it was never something that actually materialised or my parents supported. Fast forward to 20 years later, I enjoy watching Sergei Polunin leaping instead of doing the leaping myself.

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? Some sort of fiery, passionate, inane urge to create.

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? It’s not difficult when you’re already in love. I’m currently in a long distance relationship but it was one that was built in real-life before it became online due to the distance that separated us. To me, whether near or far, if i’ve got feelings, I’ve got feelings. Staying committed and loyal comes naturally to me. If you’ve got me, you’ve got me for good. If you don’t, you really don’t.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? I have a glossier sticker on my MacBook air because I got it from a purchase and I thought it was pretty.

Is there someone who seems to only reach out to you when they want something from you? Yes! Frustrates me so much. An old best friend from when I was like, 5. It seems this person only talks to me when they need my advice on something. It’s nice that they trust me and they value my opinion, but I don’t want to be anybody’s therapist. She only shows up when she needs me. It’s unfair so I’ve decided to let her go and let the friendship go quietly and without drama. If you’re not there for good and bad times, I don’t have the energy to talk to you.

What is something you can only understand if you’ve experienced it first hand? The feeling of losing someone important/beloved, and emptiness.

In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important… Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. To me, the wedding itself is hugely unimportant and at times can be terribly impractical and a waste of resources. I would much rather spend it on a wonderful honeymoon. I value the relationship and marriage itself more than the wedding and materialistic things that come with it. Although, if money was not a problem, then it would be in this order: honeymoon, engagement ring (I would be wearing it for a long time!), pictures for memories, ceremony, decoration, venue, dress, hair, food (I feel like this would be the least of concerns, we eat food regardless anyway).

Is there a quote that’s helped you through hard times or really stuck with you? What is it? In the Iliad, when Odysseus was alone and on enemy territory: “Be strong, saith my heart; I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this.”

What’s something practical and useful “real world” things that should be taught in high school aside from the basics like English, math, science, etc.? Employment related things. Practical things like mortgages. Those kind of “real world” things that I realised upon graduating from university that I barely knew about.

What perfume of yours does your SO love on you? I’m pretty sure he used to love it the most when i would wear my White Musk (Body Shop) perfume which is actually probably the cheapest perfume I own. On the high end side, he likes Gypsy Water (Byredo) too!

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? If I like the cologne, why not. I’m a sucker for that one Tom Ford cologne that I like haha. If not, I usually like when my boyfriend uses his aftershave because I think it smells really good and I always end up kissing his face a lot when he puts it on. Later on, he admitted that he was only using it because he figured out that I loved it and in truth it actually stung his face to use it, oops.

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? I never really wanted children, but then again I have never fallen in love before. In fact, I actually usually dislike and get irritated by kids. But now that I’m with someone I love, I feel like it’s one of those things that I would love to do just because I would love to create a human being with the person I love the most. It would be the most precious thing I would ever be capable of doing. That’s really something. When we do decide to have one, I would make it right by him/her.

What would your reaction be if your SO wanted the opposite type of wedding than you did? A big and crucial part of successful relationships I think is compromise.

What kind if body type do you find attractive and unattractive (for your preferred sex)? I personally would feel attracted to someone who looks healthy. It’s not necessarily ripped or jacked or whatever, but just not unhealthily fat and unhealthily thin. All of it has to do with just staying healthy and balanced, good health.

How do you feel about strangers approaching you with compliments? It all depends on the approach. A compliment can be jarring if it’s delivered wrong i.e. in a creepy way. That would barely be a compliment to me, but more like a suggestive and creepy remark like cat calling. I wouldn’t find that flattering. A good, harmless compliment like “I love your dress!” is nice to hear. I don’t want a cat-caller whistling.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a Strip Club and then doesn’t tell you? I think so. What’s the purpose of going to Strip Clubs but not to look at and fantasise and even receive “services” from other women? I don't think it’s proper especially without consent of the other party, which I will never give. I’m possessive and jealous in my own ways, but I think this one is justified.

Would you be more offended if your man cheated on you with a guy or a girl? Regardless, I would be highly offended and betrayed. Both would be on another level which I would rather not speak about.