#maybe because the rest of the finale Lore broke my brain haha

[waywardmillennial]

it's important to have a friend you can be in cahoots with

[reinabeestudio]

Well I'm bedridden and bored as hell. Thus, I'll finally share some lore about the heart-themed ship. And about certain item they share

(+ adding context to this drawing)

Well, the thing with the necklace was not something planned by him. It just... happened.

You see, he went to search some place to eat on the island. Inside of one of these places, he spotted Miel. Sitting by herself, looking rather pensive as she fiddled with the petal of a blue hibiscus. He decided to approach her—by sneaking up on her, laughing when she jumped. She punched his arm when she recovered with an annoyed expression, calling him an idiot, which only made him laugh harder as he took a seat next to her. He glanced at the flower before looking back at her.

“What, you gonna eat that or something?”

“Haha, real funny, Oak. No, one of the waitresses gave it to me. It's to be worn, you see.” She pointed at another customer, wearing a red hibiscus in their hair.

Dammit, there she was with the 'Oak' thing again.

“Told ya to call me Blue. Being called Oak makes me feel like my gramps!”

“Why are you here, Oak?”

He started to think that maybe she did call him by his last name just to annoy him. But you know, he was there because of her.

“What, can't we have a nice friendly moment? We're in the same team.”

“I can't fathom why you would want to spend time with me.”

In that moment his trademark smirk shrinked a bit, when he heard her voice sound... well, sad. Alright, perhaps this was more serious than he thought.

“There's something on your mind.”

“And when not?” she replied with a light chuckle. Nuh uh, he wasn't gonna let her slip away like that. He scooted a bit closer to her on their seats, putting his arm around her shoulder.

“C'moooon, pidge. You can tell me! Just between us.”

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow after the nickname, silently looking at him. He could feel the gears in her brain spinning in that moment, thinking of what to do.

Ultimately, she sighed and looked back at the flower on her hands, feelings its soft petals.

“What is there after Pasio?”

“.... Huh?”

“When we're done with Pasio, I assume Leaf and Red will go their ways.” Yeah that sounded like his rival. That hermit. “What about you? What will you do?”

That was actually a good question. It got him thinking for several minutes, humming in thought until an answer came to his mind.

“Fieldwork, probably. My job makes me travel 'round the regions a lot.”

“.... I see. Of course, that makes sense....”

The absolute dejected look she had after answering told him that was probably not something she wanted to hear. It broke his heart a bit, to be honest.

“And you? What're you gonna do after this?”

“Ah, me? That isn't important, I was just curious—”

“Miel.”

The sudden serious tone caused her to look at him, visibly surprised. She looked... nervous. Which meant he was getting somewhere. He had to keep talking or she'd close off again.

She sighed. “I.... I don't know. I have nowhere to go. It's... it's scary out there, I don't know what to expect.”

The way she talked about the world sometimes, she sounded like she's never dealt with Pokemon before. A dumb thought, but it's a thought that kept popping up on his mind.

“.... Oak? Can I be honest for a second?”

“Uh, sure?”

“You're the only thing I have.”

That shouldn't have made his heart beat faster. Not when she was looking at him like an abandoned cat.

“I-I mean that I have nowhere to go,” she quickly corrected herself.

There was silence after that. Not an awkward one, but rather a silence of processing and understanding. Was this the reason behind she kept 'taking things slow' in the island? Did she really have nothing else to look forward to afterwards?

“I got an idea,” he said, breaking the silence. Miel didn't look at him but she didn't stop him, so he took this as a sign to continue. “I'll show ya around.”

That made look at him, her fingers no longer fumbling with the petals of the flower resting on her lap. “I'm already familiar enough with the island, Oak.”

“Wh- no, I meant I'll show ya around the world!”

“Ah, I see.....” Give her a minute. “WAIT, are you suggesting I travel with you?” There we go.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“I appreciate the offer, but I don't think it's wise to accept. I'm not very familiar with battles and Pokemon, as you have seen.” She sighed. Which meant she was going to be honest for a second. “I wouldn't want to be a bother while you work.”

“.... Say, I got another idea. A challenge!”

His idea was simple: he would help her during their stay in Pasio. He would help her with anything involving training and raising Pokemon—who better to guide her than one of the former Champions? (and he bet that Leaf and Red wouldn't mind lending a hand, being part of the team as well, but he wanted to train her himself)

But she must battle him after she defeated the Elite Four. Only the two of them, a real battle, 1 vs 1. If she wins against him, she'd prove to be strong enough to get out there and face any challenge that comes their way. Together.

Miel seemed to briefly ponder over it before extending her hand to him to shake on it. “Alright. It's a deal, Oak.”

“A deal? Nah, pidge. Ain't like that.”

Blue could feel her eyes on him as he reached behind his neck and took off his heart necklace. There were no words between them as he slided off the blue half of the pendant into a different black cord he had on pocket (he couldn't resist chuckling softly when he noticed Miel's small surprised gasp while looking at whatever he was doing so intently). Next he fastened the cord with the pink half back in place before he turned his full body towards her on his seat.

“Stay still, Miel.”

He leaned in closer and clasped the necklace with the blue half of the heart around her neck, tracing the cord and the pendant with his finger. Gee, he could feel warmth radiating from her body. He forced himself to pull back lest the urge to close that distance won.

“There! It's a promise.”

Miel examined the pendant before she looked up at him with a smile. Fuck. Fucking christ, that was so pretty. She was so pretty. Keep it cool, dude.

“A promise, you say. That sounds nice, Oa-..... Blue. I'll hold you to that,” she said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Pink looks good on you, by the way.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder by reflex as that trademark smirk on his face only grew bigger.

“And blue looks great on ya!”

You can read this and this if you are interested in some sort of follow-up to this, as well as more lore (?). And if you wonder why he's so weak to her smile, that's a little reference to how they met ∋( :]

[fatgalfitness]

These are my someday bins.

Or I guess you could call them my past life bins. Because in a past life, I was small enough to fit into the clothes in these bins. In a past life, I weighed 60 pounds less than I do now. I could shop straight sizes. I could share clothes with friends. I could try things on without fear of getting stuck.

But see, even "skinny Theresa" didn't realize she was skinny Theresa. She still saw fat Theresa. Even though I had lost 130 pounds, the equivalent of a literal other grown woman, it was never enough. I was still too big. Too much.

I swore I would never be one of those statistics. You know the ones. 95% of people who lose significant weight gain it all back. And then some. It's shocking clickbait that is relatively true, though is more medical folk lore than hard data these days.

But then the panic disorder happened. And couple that with serious depression and crippling anxiety, and you get a 90 pound weight gain.

It broke me for a long time. Just a few years ago, I was under 200 pounds. I was lifting heavy things, running half marathons...hell, I did a sprint triathlon just for fun! I don't understand how it happened. How did I fall so far? How did I undo all of the hard work I had done?

Life's a funny thing. And by funny I mean hard as hell. How did it happen? It happened because suddenly, the energy I spent counting calories, cooking crazy healthy meals, and getting up at 5am to run and do CrossFit had to be spent on literally surviving.

When my panic disorder punched me in the face in the middle of grad school, I wanted to die. Not the haha kind, but the serious, I don't want to be on this Earth anymore kind. It's hard to admit that. But when all this hard work started to come undone, it was because I had to fight the part of my brain that wanted to kill me.

So I gave it up. The calorie counting, the 5am workouts, the being strong and together and that fitness chick. I got into therapy, and on medication. I spent my days just trying not to die, nevermind finding my new one rep max.

I spent years in that place. I finished grad school, I moved around, took different jobs, tried different gyms, but it followed me. My year in Louisville was one of the hardest of my life, for a multitude of reasons. It's the year that it all caught up. I had tried running from myself, tried finding quick fixes to keep the weight off. But the life I had to live in Louisville demanded every ounce of me. So I gave up. Again, I just had to survive. I got into therapy. I got off the medication. But I didn't have anything left for eating right. I didn't have the strength to fight the panic and get to the gym.

So I gained it back. Not all of it. But A LOT of it. Not all at once, but soon enough, I looked in the mirror and fat Theresa was back.

Next week marks a year since I moved to Indiana. It has been hard. I've been fighting those same demons since I got here. I still spend a lot of my energy on not dying.

But these days, I've found a little more space. Not a lot. I'm still not up at 5am, cooking the healthiest meals possible, tracking every last calorie, and drinking vodka sodas because they have the least calories. And I might never be back there. But that might not be a bad thing.

See, over the last six months, I've found space. Space to take care of myself again. Space to be that fitness chick again. Space to care about myself, above just trying not to die.

When I moved here, I had three past life bins. But slowly, that space I've found had let me do a few things. Like since I joined revolution fitness, I've lost around 25 pounds. Like finally donating/selling crap I'm never going to wear again, no matter what size I am. I've started eating healthy again. I've started doing active things that bring me joy. These feel like the smallest steps, but it's something. And I need to celebrate something, cause it beats the hell out of nothing.

So those are my someday bins. Maybe, someday, I'm going to lose these 60 pounds and be able to wear these clothes again. Maybe, someday, my brain and I are going to get on the same page and find the pure, sweet joy in a life lived lifting heavy things and eating weird ass healthy recipes I made up. I really hope that someday becomes a reality. But if it doesn't, I'm going to have to get okay with that too. Maybe my someday is only 30 pounds away. Maybe my someday is actually right now. The thought of that scares the hell out of me, because fat Theresa is not the version of Theresa that I want to spend the rest of my days with. BUT if fat Theresa lives a healthy, fulfilled life in this body? Okay.

Okay. That's okay. If these someday bins are not actually someday bins, but only past life bins, okay. I fought like hell through this entire journey. So no matter where we go from here, I have to be proud of past and present Theresa. She's been through hell. But she's still here.