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clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 year ago

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OKAY i am confused why no one thought of this..mark and the famous BPS duo headcanons of them reacting to a REAL Angel Y/n coming down and basically getting rid of the alternates?? :00

Oooo y'know that's a good idea. It makes me wonder if ALL angels in TMC were just replaced or never existed at all after Alt!Gabriel came along--maybe they lost the war with the Alternates/demons and were eradicated all at once.

Except for Y/N, ofc, because main character plot armor™

.........

Mark

You've been watching over Mark for some time, eventually coming down to Earth disguised as his next door neighbor, wondering if he could help you move some stuff.

This strangely happens the same day he prayed for a "guardian angel" in his life, especially when he noticed you were wearing all white clothing, didn't specify where you were from, and.....looked quite ethereal in appearance.

But he thinks it's just a coincidence and becomes fast friends with you.

You shared his same values and beliefs, subtly protecting him whenever he visited the church and went to school.

Though you weren't sure if you should tell him what you truly are...

Until the night he gets that phone call from "Cesar" and goes to his house against your wishes.

When he inevitably leads the Alternate back to his own home, you're there waiting for it.

The second it enters, you stand between them and reveal your wings, halo, and several eyes, shocking the Alternate as it thought angels were already eradicated...

You basically say "nah I'm still here, go back to hell" and eviscerate it in a flash of holy light.

To your amazement, it actually worked! You finally had the power to avenge your fellow angels.

You immediately put your human disguise back on when you realized Mark's was watching the entire time-

But he's already kneeling at your feet, trying not to cry bc you're the guardian angel he's been asking for!!!

He 100% worships you now after you confirm that, but you ask him to just treat you like a friend and not as some divine idol.

Ofc you're telling that to a paranoid 17 yr old Christian human boy who saw you literally vaporize an Alternate so.....it's hard for him to talk to you so casually after that.

Adam

Posing as a new student, you approached him at school and asked if you could join BPS, feigning interest in the paranormal investigations.

He's like "sure but your clothes are prob gonna get messed up" as he gestures to your pristine white shirt and jeans.

You just wear a black BPS jacket over them and go along with the "ghost hunts", finding out that he's looking for Alternates specifically.

That's fine with you though, considering you came down to eliminate as many as you could w/o drawing Gabriel's attention.

One of the hidden cameras caught you making one disappear and Adam's mind=blown after replaying the footage and seeing your wings show up in a few frames, learning you were an angel all along!

You beg him to keep it a secret, but he's so excited he brags to Jonah and Evelin (who thinks he edited that stuff in).

He asks you to continue vaporizing any Alternates you come across as long as he can get footage of it...though you don't like the idea of him exploiting your powers this way for fame.

However he suddenly becomes afraid of you out of nowhere, especially in the days following the investigation at the Torres house.

He just kicks you out of BPS without explanation and goes into hiding.

But soon enough you find out he's a Sleeper Alternate and become faced with a very tough decision...

When he shows up on your doorstep, half-naked and pleading for you to purge him from this world.

Never in a million years did you think any Alternate would be so attached to his "humanity" that he'd rather die than live without it.

Unfortunately, you can't grant Adam's wish knowing he was closely tied to Six and Gabriel's plans, but you do reverse the damage the bleach did to his organs.

He's not in constant physical pain anymore, though you vow to protect this scared boy, knowing he didn't choose to be this way.

Jonah

You met him through Adam sometime after joining BPS.

And right away, he feels a lot safer whenever you accompany them on assignments.

There's just something about your presence that's reassuring.

He makes jokes about how you act like a "perfect little angel" when you tell him you don't do drugs, never curse, mediate any arguments he and Adam might have, and always have the cleanest clothing.

Then he's confused as to why you tensed up.

Before you realize "angel" is just a metaphor humans use sometimes and calm down afterwards.

So he doesn't know what you are.....yet.

He used to say "hell" (like "oh hell yeah!") on a regular basis but now feels awkward when he says it around you.

You're only forced to reveal your true identity when Preacher tries to give him and Adam M.A.D, and you just....eliminate her on the spot with holy light.

She was particularly resistant to it, so your energy was spent and you nearly passed out.

Jonah's understandably freaked out by your powers and runs away, but after you find him and help him calm down, he becomes quite clingy.

His friendship with Adam grows more divided as he sees you as more caring and protective than him.

He didn't believe in angels before but he sure as shit does now.

#clanask #anonymous #tmc x reader #mandela catalogue x reader #the mandela catalogue x reader #mark heathcliff #adam murray #jonah marshall #angel reader #platonic #headcanons

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idgivemyeyesfor-mattmurdock · 2 years ago

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Hey, I have a Matt x Fem.reader request.

After a visit to St. Agnes you gush about the kids you spent the day with and how nice it would be to have a child. Matt wants to start a family with her.

I love Matt as a dad how he takes care of his partner and is sweet with kids

A/N: OMG! I absolutely love this one<3 it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Fun fact— so I spent about a day and half brainstorming this requests bc I had too many ideas for just one, one-shot and THEN i read it again today and realized I completely read the request wrong! (Correct me if I’m wrong, but “St.Agnes” is the church is NY? thats how i’ve written it but if its an actual place just lmk lol)

requests pt1: TAKING REQUESTS!

matt murdock X fem!reader

warnings: literally if you are allergic to fluff i do not recommend this fan fiction. it triggers the butterflies in your stomach<3

A/N: my first request! give me some feedback and maybe what you guys want to see hehe i’m open to anything

｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Sunday mornings for Matt and you were always one of your favorites. Sure, after Matt coming back from dare-deviling was always interesting and… passionate in some sort of way, or you and Matt going out after work, or seeing his face brighten when you would visit him at the office. Those were all times that you’d probably add in the ‘top ten moments’ with my boyfriend. But, putting all of those moments aside; Sunday mornings were angelic.

You two could wake up, have coffee and sit down in the couch of his living room— well, by the time you two sat on the couch Matt would’ve already been bolted with energy by just inhaling the caffeine particles from the air. But you’d make him have the coffee anyways because in an hour he’d complain about his headache and you’d have to come to the rescue with some sort of form of caffeine.

After, you’d get ready, dab some makeup on your face, and tie your hair into a messy bun and slip on a necklace of a golden around your neck, which Matt had given you as an anniversary present once.

You would help Matt slip his tie on, and fix his hair, just in case he messed something up. Then after, you two would head off to church.

Naturally, the two of you would leave about thirty minutes before the service started, but today was different because you were asked to help out with Sunday school, so the two of you headed to the church earlier.

Matt enjoyed you getting involved with church, because he wasn’t one to do it. Sure, if Father Lanthom asked him to read a bible verse during the service he would, but only if Father Lanthom asked. You just said yes to everything, even if you only that the animals went to the ark two by two.

You were nervous giving the Sunday school lesson, Though Matt enjoyed hearing you passionately talk about the bible stories. He knew you didnt know much, hell you asked him if he could explain why the animals had to go in two by two! You nearly fumbled every word— but it was cute to hear you dramatize the stories with the kids. You made thundering sounds, and cow noises to the kids, to which all of them laughed but they also learned.

he enjoyed hearing you be a charchter to the kids but also guide them through the story. You caringly walked them through how they could learn from the story. You broke down a’ dehumanizing story like, ‘Noahs Ark’ so that itty bitty kids could understand it, and they did.

While all the mothers clapped as you finished, Matt passed you from the end of the room an easy smile.

His heart melted when he heard all the kids run up to you after the lesson, little kids asked you things like, “Miss y/l/n! do the cow noise again!”, “Miss y/l/n what happens next?!” you tried to answer their questions without embarrassing yourself, but well, you did.

After church finished, you and Matt were arm and arm when coming out of St.Agnes, though as you two stepping down the last step, a mother came after you asking if you could babysit her daughter during the week, to which you accepted with open arms. you didn’t know what to do, how to do it but she would be in apartment 6A on Wednesday night.

Your hand gripped tighter around Matts arm as his arms went down your waist, a cheeky grin caressed your face as you thought about the kids and how happy they all looked.

“What is it?” asked Matt with a smile, “You haven’t been this happy in a while”

“Actually…” you said as you turned you face to his, eyeing his red frames “I can recall a couple of times I was this happy— last night actually”

“Oh really?” asked Matt with a toothy grin, “But not this type of happy,” said Matt as you two went up the stairs to his apartment.

“No, not this type of happy” you replied.

“Its just—“ you said as the two of you came to a halt at the front of his apartment door, “I dont know, I guess I haven’t really hung around kids? I mean, my cousins of course but its been a while since I’ve seen them, and today was just like a reminder how a bunch of little kids who know only of dinosaurs and pumpkins— I’m not saying I forgot that kids existed, I guess—” you two walked into the apartment, “I just forgot what it meant to be one?”

Matt placed his cane down by the door as you continued to walk and talk, “I don’t know, just— just remind me to switch professions and to become a preschool teacher.”

You flopped on the couch, kicking your heels off as your cold feet touched the warm leather, you saw Matt come into your peripherals, already he was slipping his tie off, he said, “angel, I dont think you have to become a preschool teacher to be with kids.”

He gave that weird toothy grin that also insinuated something else. He had a weird way of speaking metaphorically. “Matt?”

He came closer to you, sitting by you, you then placed your head down on his lap, as he said, “All I’m saying,” said matt as his hands swooped your hair away from your face, “hearing you today with the kids, talking about the kids, you with the kids, it just made me realize that you’d be a great mom.”

Your jaw loosened, heart beat raced. Kids with Matt? You a mom? you’re not a mom, or a mom type.

You’d thought about it, you’d seen him with babies in the office when mothers were overwhelmed with work, he was the first to offer to hold their baby for them, or distract their kids while the mother signed papers or made phone calls. Seeing that always made your heart race and the fictional scenarios is your head have more wiggle room.

He cocked his head downwards, your hands going up his firm jaw, you asked with a solemn whisper, “Matty, do you want kids?”

his cheeks turned crimson as his hands went down your cheeks, “…maybe”

“Maybe?” you asked with a continuous grin. His hands smoothed your hair down as he replied, “Whatever you want. if you want kids we’ll have kids, if you don’t want kids we won’t.”

“you want kids with me?” Okay that was dumb. So maybe you were delilusional. Its just, kids, a family? he wanted that with you? sure the two of you were serious, and it would be any day that Matt would be proposing to you, but hearing it come out of his pouted lips— your heart nearly glistened.

“With who else?” asked Matt with a sarcastic grin, “I don’t know,” you responded, “With me? are you sure you want a kid with me— i’m crazy!”

“y/n…” said Matt with a purr.

for a second the thought registered in your mind, as you adjusted you head, “Okay okay, that was a bit much but, with me? you want to share a mini matt murdock or y/n murdock with me?”

“yes” he said as your hands went down his neck, “if i have to say it a thousand times, i will. Sweetheart, if i’m going to have kids its going to be with you.”

your demeanor swapped as you saw how deep he took this. he just didn’t want kids, he wants them with you. he’d thought about it, just hadn’t mentioned it to not ruffle your feathers. heard your heartbeat warm up, you said in a low tone as your fingers scratched his beck, “it would be nice.” you smiled, “us, parents.”

“baby murdock…” mummered Matt.

“has a nice ring to it, doesnt it?” you responded as matt slowly took his glasses off.

Silenty you chuckled as you thought about Matts admirable qualities getting put into a single being.

“what are you laughing at?” asked Matt.

“teenage murdock….”

“oh…” said Matt with a sigh.

“boyfriends, girlfriends, shit you’re gonna freak beat the person up at night.”

“hell yea I am.” said Matt, “they better not break their heart.”

You smiled as the scenario popped into your head. Your child gets broken up, with so, you talking to your child and then matt flying out of the window to beat that person.

“see, your gonna be a great dad hun”

“we’ll see.” said Matt, “we have to make a kid first though”

“very true” you responded with a smile, “but, I’m pretty sure we got that part down.”

#mattmurdockfanfic #matt murdock x reader #ao3 marvel #matt murdock fic #please dont come at me #better than the movies #taking requests #mattmurdocksoft #fluff #mattfluff #daredevil

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bandedbulbussnarfblat · 1 year ago

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sometimes, i really wish i didn't live in the bible belt.

i've been atheist my whole life. or at least, once i got old enough to question things instead of just blindly accept what my parents told me. though i was never good at that either, i was one of those kids that had to know things. i never bought into the tooth fairy or easter bunny, and i thought santa was just a game we all played and pretended to believe it. the idea of god felt the same to me, like some thing we were just pretending to believe in

except the grownups (and even some of the kids) actually believed it. so i went along with it, because my mom made me go to church with her, so it wasn't like i had a choice. but it never felt true to me, though i tried to make it feel real

i was 11 when i realized i never would and never could. i had tried to force myself to believe, but it never worked. i knew, deep inside, that there was no higher power. more so, i knew i couldn't keep spending my life living a lie. i knew i'd never be the believer i pretended to be.

and that scared me. not because the idea of hell or anything, but because i'd sat through more than one sermon and heard about how non-believers would burn in hell with the sinners. and my church 'family' seemed to agree. so that let me know that these people who called themselves my friends would be fine with seeing me burn in hell for all eternity, just because i didn't believe in the same invisible man in the sky as them

i didn't even believe in hell, but just imagine that. knowing that the people you've known your whole life believe you deserve to be punished forever for not believing what they believe. i'd already spent my entire life feeling like an outsider (multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses/disorders) so when i realized i could never be what these people wanted me to be, that i would never be able to convince myself to believe, it terrified me.

so much so that i got 'saved' in front of the congregation the next sunday. i pretended to believe as hard as i could. hell, i even wrote fake entries into my diary just in case anyone found it and read it

i was so afraid to admit i didn't believe. but so angry that i had to pretend. so i questioned things and made people uncomfortable. eventually, i had enough and said i was atheist. i was more angry than scared by then, fueled by teenage angst and hormones and the undiagnosed depression/anxiety disorders

in the end, I stopped going to church when my mother stopped forcing me. but the damage had already been done. i'd spent years trying to shove myself into a box i didn't fit it, for people that frankly didn't deserve that kind of sacrifice on my part

and there are still people who hear that i don't believe and judge me. who try to convert me. who think of me as less than them bc i don't believe what they believe.

i don't know why i'm thinking of this today. maybe bc my country is hurtling into evangelical christian fascism and that scares me. but i think growing up like that gave me some low-key religious trauma

and now I'll have to go back to work soon. where i'll have coworkers who ask me about where i go to church, who try to invite me to there's. to students who sometimes ask me questions about religion, and I have to say i'm "not religious" bc if i say i'm an atheist there's a good chance parents will complain about me teaching their child

i've literally heard a coworker being gossiped about and mistrusted bc he's openly atheist. people blatantly admitting they don't want to work with him. so i stay in my lane and stick to myself and try not to engage with these people beyond a professional level

i have to sit in anger, when we're forced to do something like pray in school, something that isn't supposed to be legal. hell, our superintendent makes us all pray with him when we have our yearly meetings

add to that i'm pretty far left when it comes to politics, i'm queer, and neurodivergant i don't feel like there's a place for me here. i live in a very conservative area. i'm talking majority trump fans conservative. but i'm trapped, too poor to escape. and it eats at me sometimes, being around all these people who if they knew me, would condemn me. even if i believe in letting people believe or disbelieve whatever they want and minding my own damn business about it

sometimes, i really wish i didn't live in the bible belt

#long post #personal spewage #i'm in a mood today #must be because my mother is coming over #also there's now literally a church next door to my house #it just got finished being built a few months back #so hey there's a permanent reminder of the way i don't fit in

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lavender-annd-lilac · 2 years ago

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Reader doesn’t hate Hal...yet, but she is very annoyed at the matchmaking that him and her father are constantly doing. She’s not interested in Hal.

Omg now I feel rly bad for this dude bc like… u know when u are a kid and ur parents have that family friend they ask u to call uncle/aunt so and so? And they always make their kids play with u? (not necessarily for matchmaking reasons, just like, the parents want to hang out so the kids are forced to as well lol)

I remember my dad’s best friend (let’s call him Dan) had a daughter and whenever Dan came to visit or or we went to visit Dan’s family, me and the daughter (let’s call her Cindy) were told to go play. This would prob be like other other week when I was growing up.

My dad would always tell me stuff like, “oh, you should tell Cindy about your violin lessons bc she plays cello so she will be interested”, or “ask Cindy to show u what she learned in ballet class, u guys will have so much fun”, etc.

And then when Dan would visit dad, he would always be like “Cindy says hi! She’s excited to go to the movies next weekend”, blah blah blah.

So I kind of feel like these adults kind of tricked me haha by givings us both the impression that we were meant to be bff.

Since I was prob lacking a bit in the emotional intelligence department 😅 it wasn’t until we were both in high school, and I had been left on read like 800 times, and our parents stopped hanging out so much that I realized Cindy and me and were basically marionettes controlled by our parents - ie. not really friends haha 😆

For the record, Cindy was never mean or anything, even tho she had to tolerate a lot of crap from me (I wasn’t mean either, but I would always want to do role-playing games with our toys like “our frog armies ambush and eat a big horse underwater” and she was more of a jump rope/dance kind of person), but ya, in retrospect I just feel that was a shitty thing for our parents to do bc they were always encouraging us to be besties instead of just letting a natural friendship happen or not happen lol 🤷‍♀️

Anyway I guess Hal’s my dude now bc in my mind we were both unfairly spoonfed lies 🤣🤣🤣 also I always feel obliged to root for the underdog/antagonist character. Even tho this story is on like part 8? 9? rn and he might be a full on villain idk. I’ve got your back bro! Say the word and I’ll open up that portal to hell and unleash chaos on this whole town 😈

Lol jk I’m not that advanced and also would never mess w/ chaos magic like that 😵‍💫.

And she’ll rob them, and even spins them in the extractor, before she jars them up.

Me: 😖😖😖

This whole suspicious nature and the cop scenario had me rolling. Are you wondering if this Cole is a cop, because the Cole in A Little at a Time is?

Hahaha uh well… I’ll save this one until the end bc it’s a STORY.

Carpet in a dining area really freaks me out, but I digress.

…🤢how is this hygienic??? Bc I feel like they aren’t giving that thing a deep steam clean every night 😬 I would literally rather have a dirt floor tbh. No amount of giant potatoes could convince me to dine in that establishment!!! But maybe I would order takeout haha

And EVERY TIME I walk into this steak house it feels like I’m stepping into 1995. Time literally stands still. The smell is the exact same.

U know what I actually understand this I think… there is an indoor skating rink where my parents live and it’s stayed exactly the same since I was a kid being forced to hold a pylon and skate back and forth. There’s still a donut stand and a popcorn stand lmaoo. The smell too haha. Smells are like the the strongest memories 🥲

Another odd fact, but this is in fact a local legend in my hometown. The church.

I’m jealous!! I would love to have like a Blair Witch local legend or something near me haha 😍

Cole is a full fledged man that doesn’t know how to drink sweet tea without it running down his chin. Or was that intentional? You know, women sometimes like that shit.

I’ll take ur word for it hahaha 😬personally I feel like a display of coordination and fine motor skills would be more attractive but I guess I can just watch stuff like this on YouTube if I want to be impressed 🤖

youtube

she’ll be thrown in the basement.

Wait what 😰😰😰

Ok so the suspicious about cops story/rant under the cut 😬

to me any unidentified male is a Potential Cop 😂😂🤷‍♀️

Lol call me paranoid but I’ve always lived in large-ish cities where u can’t throw a rock without hitting a cop. (Ok maybe bad analogy….for the record I have never thrown rocks at cops!)

Idk if u remember when Pokémon go was a big thing and ppl (including me) were obsessed with it??

So, one night I see this chansey on my map near the church/graveyard by my apartment and it’s 3am but so what? It’s not purge night and there’s no wartime curfew or whatever so I figure I’m Gucci.

This is a chansey btw but the quote is incorrect 😅 Pokemon can only say their own names

I’m just casually walking on the sidewalk in front of the cemetery and BOOM, two big ass SUV’s with headlights like

In my face 😩😩😩and cops asking me for all kinds of info I’m not legal obligated to give them bc I’m not doing anything illegal and I’m not being arrested.

Can we see ur ID? Do u attend the university of [my city]? What program, what’s ur major? Age? Address???

So I answer their BS questions bc like… there’s 2 cops boxing me in with SUVS like I’m OJ Simpson attempting a getaway in my bronco. Except I’m on foot…and not an “alleged” murderer

When I tell them I’m just playing Pokémon go, trying to case a fairly rare Pokémon… one of these porky pigs asks me to SHOW HIM on my phone.

Dude is deadass like, oh, idk this game, can u show me?

Omg… sir… idk if u have played a video game before but like, once u catch something/defeat something, it’s done lmao

I can’t show him how I caught the Chansey bc I already caught it????

Imagine u are playing Mario and u eat the shroom that makes u taller. If someone asks u to show them, it’s like bitch I can’t! I already ate the shroom I can’t spit it out and demonstrate again that’s not how it works 🙄

So I basically tell him this but like in a more diplomatic way, and he gets super suspicious like, “oh rly, u can’t show me??? Have u had any alcohol tonight??” And still makes me hand over my phone and is like swiping around the screen and everything 😵‍💫

Finally I was like, am I being arrested?

Donut man #1: no

Me, a law abiding citizen: am I not allowed to be here? *gestures around me*

Donut man #1: I’m pretty sure it’s fine

*silence*

Me, an innocent civilian: ok well if u don’t mind I’m going to go…

Donut man #2: I think it’s rly important for you to focus on your studies and make friends you know, enjoy your freshman year

(I’m already told them I’m doing a grad degree but ok)

Me: ok… *leaves*

And that’s like, just the most recent incident 😠 soooo many times cops have just popped up outta nowhere like they don’t have actual jobs to do 😒

always male cops too. I’ve been on this accursed earth since the 1990’s and I can count on two hands how many non-traffic patrol female cops I’ve seen.

And yes, victim profiling sucks and I’m not excusing that BS …, but I might be more understanding if I was walking around looking like Edward Scissorhands.

Like, ok officer, I am openly wielding several long blades… that’s fair that you might want to ask what’s up.

In reality tho, I’m a pretty average Asian kid. I have dyed hair, but it’s not even in a cool punk ass mohawk or anything. Most of the time it’s a pastel colour like this:

(Lol not me low key showing off my colour mixing skills… I didn’t take a hairdressing course just so I could cosplay as Frenchy from Grease even if that was my primary motivation 😝)

So ya, Cole could literally have been a talking camel in the other story and I would have still been suspicious of this Cole being a cop 🤣

Stained Like Georgia Clay, Part 1

Summary: as fate would have it, you meet someone new, just as your parents go out of town.

Pairings: Cole Turner X Reader

Rating: fluff

Warnings: none yet, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 2.3K

Series Masterlist

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sebsxphia · 2 years ago

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Married to Rhett and being his little housewife you get to live in a little cottage house just next to the main house (maybe a bit further bc u guys are loud and y'always getting it on👀) you ask rhett's permission (not like you need it) that amy asked you to school for show and tell a family member day. Rhett is of course supportive and drives you guys there, and the kids are very curious about you bc youre not from around here at all. Plus the way Amy talks about you makes you tear up bc she genuinely thinks of you as family 😭

HAHAHAHAH perry is constantly on your ass, “you’re only half a mile away from the house but i can still hear you, jesus.”

but omg can you imagine!!! you’re very taken a back that amy wants you to be honest, “are you sure, angel? i’m not even from-” she tugs on your arm. “you’re my family.” you just close your mouth and try to hold back the smitten smile on your face.

all the kids are kinda confused on who you are because you didn’t grow up here, you weren’t at their church christening? but all the other family members know exactly who you are. you’re rhett’s pretty little housewife and they wouldn’t dare say anything about you, because they know the abbott’s would put them in the ground.

SQUEEEEEEEE thank you so much for this wonderful thought dear anon!! 💌

#💌you’ve got mail #rhett abbott x reader #pretty little housewife :(#rhett abbott

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crvvys · 2 years ago

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I’m rewatching L Word Mississippi: Hate the Sin where they basically interview and document the lives of lesbians in Mississippi and I’ve only seen it once before bc it was a LOT but I’m rewatching bc I love to suffer and it agitates my feelings on my complicated relationship to Christianity.

compared to where I grew up homophobia maybe wasn’t as harsh as like Mississippi like I wouldn’t consider Austin suburbia overly conservative like it’s very progressive for better or worse but I will say that there was a church and a shooting range right next to each other near my neighbourhood and that was normal. and I could walk near that area if I wanted to walk to school lol. and when you drive north from Austin to where I live now in Oklahoma, the first 2h of the trip have anti-abortion propaganda or billboards saying to accept Christ in your life. I’m in a much more conservative area now.

the Bible Belt is something else lol. the laws in Texas that have religious tendencies alone are something. liquor stores are closed Sundays, no casinos lol so everyone heads to Oklahoma and Louisiana for casinos. and I’m not sure if the dildo law is still in effect but you can’t own or promote the use of more than 6 dildos lmao. Guns however? love ‘em. guns for everyone. even I’ve shot a gun before 🤷🏽‍♀️ Texans and guns I dunno.

and so far they asked lesbians about the L Word and how it compares to their lives and all of them were like yeah that show was crazy. we can’t do none of that shit here and it’s drilled in you to obey your parents and the church and that homosexuals go to hell.

one woman had her life ruined when she was outed at her church (she was the pastor) of being in love with another woman in the congregation and there’s this law “alienation of affection” where the woman’s husband accused her lesbian lover of enticing her away from him and if he won that case, the lover would’ve had to pay him for the rest of their lives. Wild shit

the one woman who spends the whole documentary trying to convert herself is what really kept me from rewatching bc that was…so sad.

#not a Christian but the influence and impressions are inescapable #a good chunk of understanding myself as a kid involved religion #this documentary is gonna ruin me again lol

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ot3 · 3 years ago

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Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne. 」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better…

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.

#orv #orv spoilers #yjh

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ruegracieuse · 2 years ago

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browsing a library (I don't have bookstore money! i do love to just browse a bookstore but i can't impulse buy a 20 dollar book rip i respect and admire those who do though) and reading pages at random is SO much fun. i have a lot of sympathy for people who struggle to read bc of disability issues because i also have that struggle but ITA that if you can read the Best of TikTok you can read anything!

[cont.] tacking onto this - i'm not immune to materialism and sigh over book "shelfies" full of gorgeous and often LE covers of social media popular books but there is something so sterile about well-organized bookshelves with perfectly chosen knickknacks populated solely by gorgeous, popular hardcover editions. i try to buy beautiful editions of books i love but inevitably if you love books you'll have some ugly books bc they didn't get a fancy cover or you haven't bought one or you cleaned out a 50 cent book sale.

First of all you're so right about libraries - I should've been more inclusive and mentioned them as well! Where I grew up our libraries were just okay but our secondhand bookshops were so great (we actually didn't have any full-price bookstores in town until I was well into high school) so I always underestimate the average price of shopping for books (and have been sorely hit by this since living in various big cities with big new bookstores). But everyone should support their libraries and you can definitely have the same (honestly, better) browsing experience in a library!

And speaking of inclusivity - I also deeply sympathise with people with disability or who for any reason struggle with reading. I actually read a really interesting post right after reblogging that bookshelf post talking about people who can't read a lot due to disability, and how alienating it can be when their experiences are used as an excuse for not reading in general, and not reading widely. It's not my place to comment on that, but definitely an interesting perspective.

I 100% agree with you - if you can read the best of tiktok, you can definitely read a book you've taken some time to discover yourself, in a library or at a store or by browsing a friend's bookshelf or even by enjoying a film that was based on it, or however else. These are such organic ways to discover a book that you're so much more likely to enjoy, that are going to resonate with you on a personal level, rather than through booktok or bookstagram or some other hashtag-driven social media niche that is designed to church as many people as possible through buying and reading and posting about the book and buying whatever else this publisher/author/influencer releases next. There's a post going around about the 'sigma grindset' approach to reading and I think it absolutely applies here, it's about consuming rather than experiencing or enjoying or being genuinely challenged or moved by a book. Really enjoying a piece of art (including nonfiction here because there's an art to it) takes time, and it doesn't necessarily leave you with an intense desire to go out and read/watch/see/consume something just like it right away. It sits with you. So while it's not antithetical to capitalism in that most people pay to read books or watch films or otherwise see art, it doesn't actively encourage and hasten the endless expenditure of money and social media attention and hype. I'm not saying that publishing companies that look after literary fiction or non-tiktok books aren't profit-driven world-swallowing monsters themselves, but there's a very specific flavour to this influencer-driven reading culture, which is all about getting you to spend money on what is usually pretty mediocre art. Boring ideas done boringly. It's like netflix, you're paying for 95% churned-out content most people would never want to watch without a gun to your head and maybe 5% of things you'll get something out of.

And all this is to say that I can absolutely also fall for pretty 'shelfies' (and, although it's a little unrelated, pretty study images - I'm such a sucker for that) and I am in general very fascinated by how people decorate themselves and their spaces and especially how they store and present their books. But recently even the trends around bookshelf pictures have become very flat and bland to me - everyone seems to have their books colour-coordinated in a hyper-curated spectrum, new white shelves, maybe one or two little plants... I like the pictures that show a little personality, and to have personality you may need to buy.... an ugly book (horror). If I actually walked into someone's house and they had the rainbow bookshelf out there I think I really would become the Goofy Damn Bitch You Live Like This? meme. I'm afraid if you really want to enjoy reading you must submit yourself to the mortifying ordeal of buying a secondhand 1992 copy of a book with the movie poster for the cover, or with the thick plastic cover on it because you got it from a library cleanout sale, or with a weird stock image or just a bland white and cracked spine. My local uni growing up does a huge sale of all the books they cleaned out from all their libraries once a year and they arealways such a great mix of old classics for really cheap with great weird old covers and theory/textbooks on geology and natural history illustration (two things the uni was famous for). They were so much fun, and the thought that you wouldn't go to something like that or the Lifeline Book Fair (or equivalent) or the library or a secondhand bookshop because the books wouldn't be pristine and designed according to a trend that will look dated in 2 years maximum is so sad... like you've got living life all wrong... but there's still hope...

#anyway thank you this entire essay is basically just to say once again you're right and you should say it #it's not even to say people can't enjoy these things again just... diversify your tastes! you'll love it!#try new things!#I have so many half-formed Opinions on what insta and esp tiktok seem to have done to our aesthetic tastes and especially what we consider #'ugly'#and how entitled we feel to confront people online who we don't feel are meeting beauty/style/interior decorating standards #but that's tangential

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boxingcleverrr · 3 years ago

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I would love to engage in your AMA Bc I’m very curious but I don’t know what to ask. So if you’re wanting and willing to talk about your experience, please take the ask as a catch-all for whatever you’d like

Oh hey can do! Especially as I've given the shorthand version in person a few times.

A very important fact is that my parents were not meant to succeed as a couple. They were both abused children of divorce who got pregnant after dating 3 months in the early 70s. My mother had already been divorced twice before she was 24. You can imagine how that made a girl feel, at that time, and how the redeeming love of Christ looked in those Spirit In The Sky days.

They got Saved in the Jesus Freak era, and for a while it was cool! Those tv evangelicals ppl make fun of now really did have an effect in that, my parents found healing after losing their second child shortly after birth. They became closer. They really saw each other. I can hate Jerry Falwell's guts while at the same time thanking him for keeping my folks together, cause they had me later, haha.

Then their first three kids got older, the school system locally in their area on NH was shitty, so they started homeschooling! They had some good friends in the area with the same ideals, so they would all get together and have schoolhouse days. This was the early 80s now, and they were just all meeting together for church in like, bible reading and singing some hymns, because there were also no non-denominational churches in the area.

But generally they were living normally. My older brothers and cousins amassed a fleet of original Star Wars toys, Care Bears, etc. We don't have them now.

In the mid-80s, right around when my mom was pregnant with me, more families joined their group. As they grew, they realized they needed to name what they were, so, A Brethren Church. At the same time, they took on this dude who was...mm. He was Ivy League, and as such used that to leverage himself, over a few years, as the church leader.

It was very much like the frog being slowly boiled. Over YEARS, he introduce doctrine that restricted the flock. Satanic Panic hit hard, and all those toys either got trashed or hidden. Christmas had become too commercialized, so we shouldn't celebrate it at all. Taking any pleasure at all in food was a sin. Peer Grouping, meaning ANY collection of young people (so sunday school, youth groups, etc) was a sin because something something "you'll only learn to be foolish in the company of fools". If you wanted to spend time with your friend, your parents had to invite their whole family over.

Whiiiiich leads right into, you want to date? SLUT! If you're interested in someone, again, you will get to know them via whole family visits, mainly. If you get engaged, then MAYBE you can spend time alone together. MAYBE.

Again, this all happened SLOWLY. By the time I was 9 and my sister was 18, the teaching came down strongly suggesting that MAYBE if they REALLY CARED, parents could lock in a match for their daughters as young as 14. Just, you know, to ensure nothing threatened God's Pure Plan.

This was a week after "Sports are Sinful" and two weeks after another "Enjoying Food Is Bad" teaching.

My dad told us "Say goodbye to anyone you'll miss, we're not coming back next week."

#blathering #the basics #hey I was in a baby cult

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liannelara-dracula · 3 years ago

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Aesthetic Moodboard Prompts

Hi anons, I know I have so many prompts for you guys to choose from and I have a lot of requests still but I really want to give more options. Plus, I have been wanting to do aesthetic prompts + concepts for so long. So you guys might be confused cause you're probably like what the heck is that? It's basically pictured as a mood board and maybe I'll add some songs and quotes to capture the vibe of the concept. There would be a minimal description but enough to capture the essence of the concepts. Now here are the animes I'm doing and the concepts + troupes you can choose.

-Liannelara

-------------------------------------

*Please request one character at a time bc my limit of photos is 10 per post. *I won't always add a song if I can't think of one. So be warned!

Diabolik Lovers

(Character) Personal Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about/describing a character of your choice.

(Character) School Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is at school

(Character) Lover Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is in love with a girl.

(Character) Boyfriend Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is as a bf.

(Character) Obsession Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is obsessed with you (not in a positive way). (only if it applies to the character)

(Character) Heartbreaker Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character breaks your heart/breaks up with you.

(Household) Lifestyle Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the family (how they live/what they do)

(Character) Ideal Type Aesthetic - A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the character's ideal type gf

Special Aesthetic Prompts

(character) First Encounter Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about where he meets his lover or S bride. (explain if you want the S bride edition or not.)

(character's) S bride Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the character's S bride/what he does with her and what she's like.

(character) Wedding Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about a wedding with the character. (explain if you want the S bride edition or not.)

Being (character's) queen Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the character being queen and his y/n being queen. (S bride edition.)

*here are some characters I have ideas for Shu:

Music Class Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him being in music class

Lover of the arts Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him taking an interest in a girl who loves music like he does.

Ballet Love Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him liking a girl who dances at the school.

Reiji:

Chess Match Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him playing a rigged game of chess with his S bride/lover.

Perfect Lady Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him turning his bride into the perfect lady.

Reiji's Favorite Test Subject Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song Reiji's S bride being his favorite test subject.

Laito:

Church Girl Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him taking an interest in a church girl.

Chastity Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the girl he couldn't corrupt even after everything that's been done.

The New Maid Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how you're the Sakamaki maid and when he sees you it's a deja vu of Hilde so you become his next victim.

Kanato:

Tea Party Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how he invites you to have cake with him and makes you were a cute outfit to match his.

His favorite doll Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about his favorite bride he made into a doll and how everything still is about her.

Ruki:

The Library Girl Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about his relationship with the girl in the library and just anything regarding books with this girl he took interest in. (NSFW related for sure)

Carla:

Being a famous painter Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about him being a famous painter and painting a woman he values or took interest in.

Yui:

Being a church girl --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about Yui's life before she lived with the Sakamaki's.

Karlheinz:

Favorite bride Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song in which Karl takes an interest in one of his son's brides.

The girl he loved Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about a girl Karl met in his life that he fell in love with and has never forgotten.

Being his daughter Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about Karl having a Daughter whom he favors.

Chosen Eve —- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about Karl choosing Eve and the aspects of Eve.

Dia moms:

*chose the mother you'd like

Having a daughter Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about what their daughter is like and if she has strong bonds with her brothers.

Tokyo Ghoul

*characters: Kaneki, Ayato, Yomo, Hide, Furuta, Uta, Takizawa (ghoul)

(Character) Personal Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about/describing a character of your choice.

(Character) School Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is at school

(Character) Lover Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is in love with a girl.

(Character) Boyfriend Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is as a bf.

(Character) Obsession Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character is obsessed with you (not in a positive way).

(Character) Heartbreaker Aesthetic --- A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about how the character breaks your heart/breaks up with you.

(Character) Ideal Type Aesthetic - A post containing 1 mood board + 1 song about the character's ideal type gf

#anime #anime headcanons #anime hcs #anime prompt #anime aesthetic #anime moodboard #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul moodboard #tokyo ghoul aesthetic #tokyo ghoul prompt #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers aesthetic #diabolik lovers moodboard #diabolik lovers prompt #liannelaradracula #liannelara #prompts

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toorumochi · 3 years ago

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KaruShuu OTP Questions

Ah- I created ehhh 4?? I suppose KaruShuu head-canons posts today but do I regret it? Absolutely not, I loved it. So here you go, have another one, don't be shy, read it.

Also, please keep in mind that these head-canons are completely made up by me in a way of that it's just how I would see it sksksk also here, KaruShuu would be probably adults?? Also married??

Anyways, enjoy~ 🌸

Who is the most affectionate? Sinceee they got married, I'm sure the longer into the relationship, the more they have opened up to each other? Karma would be the type to wake up first in the morning and kiss Shuu good morning, but since Shuu is an early bird, he would wake up before Karma and make breakfast for him. Thats how he shows affection ❤️🧡

Most common argument? Sad to think that they NeEd to argue 🙄💅 but oh well- I thinkkk they would argue over super silly things. For example what to watch (If you have read my previous head canons, you will know what I mean by 'Shrek Marathons'):

"Let's watch something"

"Sure, what do you have in mind?''

Karma would just grin over to Shuu and Shuus eyes would widen, "Hell no"

"Absolutely ye-"

"Karma don't you dAR-"

They ended up watching (again for the 12 time this week) Shrek.

Who apologizes first? Karma apologies fly out of his mouth faster than they stop arguing. Karma would rather apologize than not let them talk for the next few hours.

Favorite (non-sexual) activity to do together? They enjoy getting massage! Ifff KaruShuu was too lazy to go out to get a professional massage for a few hours, they would do it to each other. (It usually ends with them making out later on but I'll delete that part)

Who is most likely to carry the other? Karma would carry Shuu ❤️😩 Ugh bridal style to embarrass him 💀💅

Nicknames?

For Karma, by Shuu: Tamponhead (I used this one in my fanfic and I will forever love it), Moron, Karma. Tbh, I don't think neither like these pet-names or nicknames since that think they are 'cringy'.

Tho, Karma has quite a few: Shuu (Main, he doesn't use 'Gakushuu' but when he does, Shuu melts lol), Pumpkin, Orange, pumpkin pie, Strawberry shortcake (bc he loves strawberries so why not call Shuu one 😌🤚🏻), Sugar cube (Idk I think it's cute, tho I don't know if that's even a nickname- 💀💀)

Also a note: They would definitely not use 'baby', 'babe', 'honey' bc- noooo 😩💀

Who proposes? Karma 💅

Who sings along with the radio? Karma would sing along but he is horrible at singing and Shuu makes him KNOW it by him singing and Karma shuts up but finds it hilarious at the same time.

Who worries most? Both do, depending on the situation. Shuu would be worried about stuff like paying taxes or things like that, meanwhile Karma is worried for Shuus health, if he is eating enough as well as getting enough sleep every night. Shuu is a hardworking bee after all ✨

Who always wants to take selfies with the other? Karma wants to, for example they are traveling somewhere for vacation and Karma wants to take as many pics as possible with his husband so he can later on put them into an album ❤️😩 (KaruShuu as a married couple >>>>)

Who likes to playfully tease the other? Ohhh~ Karma teases Shuu all the time, but there are times where Shuu would feel playful so he would tease back

Who has the weirdest taste in their music? Karma I'm begging you- his music taste changes every week and road trips are a disaster for Shuu

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant? Karma remembers because Shuu is always ordering the same things since he is minimalistic lol but Karma is a living chaos when it comes to food so Shuu can't remember it all.

Who is embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the other? Lmao no matter for how long they are already together, no matter if they are married, no matter how many times they had done it, Shuu would be the one to be embarrassed about it every time.

Who tops? ...Okay so here, personally as someone who writes Fanfics, Karma tops. Always. I just- I just can't imagine Shuu as a top?? my friends gave me some really valid reasons for Shuu to be a top but I just can't see it 😩

Who initiates kisses? Both I guess? But mostly Karma

Who reaches for the other's hand first? Oooo here an example! If they are driving in the car, and Karmas hand is free, Shuu usually reaches for it but as soon as Karma needs it to drive, he has to let go. Or if they are in the cinema - Shuu would definitely hold onto Karmas hand the whole time - as comfort, since they usually watch Horror movies together so yea 😌

Who kisses hardest? Who is most ticklish? Both is Karma, but when it comes to tickling, even tho Karma is more ticklish, he is also stronger than Shuu so he can easily pin him down and tickle him, just for the sake to see Shuu giggle which kills him bc God damnit isn't he adorable?

Who brings an animal they found home? Lol depends on the animal. I would say Karma is a cat person and Shuu is a dog person b u t Shuu is allergic to cats so they can't have cats. But I think if Karma would be the one to bring an animal home, it would be a dog.

Who holds the umbrella for the other when it's raining? Karma's shoe laces often get untangled, so when Karma bends to tie them, Shuu stands over him with an umbrella to keep the rain from pouring on him.

Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public? Karma 😭

Who kills the scary bugs? Oh lemme tell you about this one:

Shuu HATES bugs, since he always had the feeling of his father having a bunch of centipedes around himself whenever he acted manipulative and so on so he hates them. So one time when Shuu was taking a shower, and Karma was in the kitchen, Shuu suddenly screeched so Karma went to check on him. He walked onto a Shuu, covering himself with a towel and looking absolutely T E R R I F I E D at the ceiling, stuttering. Karma was hella confused so he looked up and oop here we go, a spider. Karma obv took the spider off the ceiling to free it, but first he had to tease and scare his husband a little by walking towards the shower stall, "Shuu look~ He wants to be friends with you~", the way Shuu screamed at this made almost all of the windows in the apartment break.

Who asks the weird questions at random in the middle of the night? Karma does that on a daily basis, but when Shuu is a little bit drunk, he would ask weird questions to which Karma never has an answer but he jokes around.

Who hogs the blankets? Karma hogs them and Shuu ends up having a cold the next morning 😭

Who wakes up first? Shuu is an early bird, but Karma wakes up first for work.

Who wants to stay in bed just a bit longer? On weekends, they both stay in bed a bit longer to cuddle ❤️💕

Who always makes coffee for the other each morning? Karma makes coffee for Shuu before he leaves for work 🥰

Who cries during certain films or when reading sad books? Lmao Karma cries during Shrek every time the scene comes up where Shrek had an argument with Donkey 😔

Who gets scared during horror films? Shuu 😩😩 He would (as said before) take Karmas hand for comfort

Who tells their friends/family about the relationship first? Lmao none since GakuHOE is well, a hoe so they won't trust him b u t I have the feeling of Karmas mom being actually super supportive?? But they wouldn't tell her, she would just get the hint and then when she receives the wedding invite she goes "oh-".

What do their friends/family think of the relationship? Rio was shipping this since the beginning of middle school aight, she loves it and she even threw a party for them. #IstanRioNakamura

Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them? Karma would ask Shuu to dance obv but Shuu would go along 😩💕

Who cooks best? Karma! And Shuu loves his cooking! :D

Who wears the other's jacket? Shuu is the one to wear long coats, and Karma those thicc jackets. Shuu usually gets super cold even with the coat on, so Karma gives Shuu his jacket on top of the coat lol.

Who uses cheesy pickup lines? Karma- anywhere. Have an example:

"Hey Shuu, could you feel the shirt?", he asked Shuu while they went shopping and Karma wAsN't sure about his T-Shirt choice so Shuu was running his fingers slightly over Karmas chest with the shirt still on and thinking about the material, then Karma went: "Know what it's made of?", and Shuu looked at him and was about to answer him, but Karma was quicker and continued, "Boyfriend material", ObViOuSlY with a grin and Shuu was a gay blushing mess 💅 but then Shuu went along, "What do you mean boyfriend? I can only see Husband material", and tuRNED AWAYYYYY~

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during inappropriate times? AAAA I T H I N K I've written sum like this before- So two things that happened:

KaruShuu were invited to a funereal or sum and pls the church was quiet and stuff but obv Karma had to joke around and he leaned over to Shuus ear and whispered a joke into his ear which made our stubborn Shuu giggle and the church was this close👌 to throw them out lmao

Shuu was at work, and Karma likes to call him randomly, but oh well Shuu picks up and Karma starts to tease him over the phone maybe something very sexual stuff (knowing Karma he would) and Shuu just- he is sitting at his desk and his workers are giving him looks about why is he blushing so much.

Who makes the other laugh most? Karmas jokes always make Shuu laugh, sometimes even cry since they are hilarious.

Who would have to bail the other out of jail? Oh my God- Shuu would have to bail Karma out of jail maybe during college years, but I think Karma would mature a bit more as an adult

What would be their theme song? YOOO- A WHOLE PLAYLIST WOULD BE NEEDED-

Who would sing their child back to sleep? OOO!! Karma would be the type to read stories, but Shuu would sing them to sleep :D

What do they do when they're away from each other? I can imagine that they both have those business trips from time to time, so when they are apart, they FaceTime each other every evening to check on each other. Yes indeed they must stay at fancy hotels for their business trips and they are being served food, but they still check that the other one is eating and sleeping well. Oh and good morning and goodnight texts™️🥰

A headcanon about them that stabs your feels? Oh- oH GOD- That maybe they tend to act very distant at first in their relationships?? Or more cold? For example Shuu, he would not really know nor show much affection to Karma and Karma at first thinking that Shuu doesn't love him at all (which isn't true bc Shuu loves him deeply) but then he after some time figures it out when Shuu opens up to him more.

A headcanon that mends the previous one? That they both after some time spend together, have the opportunities to open up to each other, know each other better as well as find out each others weaknesses and strengths which makes their relationship stronger. I absolutely love them ❤️😩

#KaruShuu #I wrote this for over 2 hours pls save me #I love them I will dedicate anything to them #Karma x Gakushuu #Karma Akabane #Karma #Akabane #Gakushuu #Asano #Gakushuu Akabane #Headcanons #assassination classroom #AssClass

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miracleonice87 · 4 years ago

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Begin Again

a Mathew Barzal song fic

a/n: a one shot based on “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. obviously I don’t own any of Taylor Swift’s music/lyrics! I’m not even a big Swiftie anymore (edited: lol dying bc I wrote that before she released folklore and evermore and sucked me RIGHT back in) but I love her “Red” album and always listen to it in the fall. also, the NYC traffic/parking/location situation in this is purely fantasy BS, lol.

summary: Mat Barzal meets Hayden Parker (fictional) in a coffee shop, and they start something new.

warnings: swearing. talk of a concussion/migraines/weight loss — otherwise, complete and total fluff.

______

With a deep breath, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror hanging near your front door before you left your Brooklyn apartment. You hadn’t worn these heels for several seasons now — he hadn’t liked it when you wore high heels. You had let his opinions — on your clothes, shoes, music, books, movies, and friends — dictate how you lived for too long. You smirked now, admiring how the pointed-toe snakeskin stilettos looked paired with your raw cut black jeans and silky pink blouse. He would’ve hated this look (“too gaudy,” he would have said), which made you love it that much more.

You popped in one AirPod and flipped the inside lock on your door before pulling it closed. You made your way down the hall as the lyrics started to flow.

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range

His horse and his cattle are his only companions...

You fought the urge to roll your eyes thinking about your former flame’s constant unwarranted comments about this classic ballad which often wafted through your apartment from the record player in the living room.

“I don’t get this song — like, is he singing to himself?” he would ask. You never bothered to tell him the real background and meaning — you loved the song, and you got it. You always had.

Emerging from the main entrance of your building, you hummed along to melodies from your favorite playlist, and walked the three or so blocks to your destination. Soon, you were stepping in from the bustle of the street to find solace in an only-slightly less busy coffee shop, one you had come to frequent because of its location — sandwiched within the six blocks between your apartment and the fashion magazine where you were interning this semester.

“Hi, one large double shot mocha, please?” you requested, stepping up after the man in front of you paid for his order. You tapped your AirPod to pause your music, just in time to hear: “Nice shoes.”

You lifted your head and glanced toward the pick-up section of the counter, where a classically handsome man in his twenties stood donning a well-tailored navy blue suit. Your heart lurched in your chest as you realized he was looking straight at you.

“Me?” you inquired softly, just to be sure, as you slipped your bank card back into your wallet. He nodded, smiling. “Yes, you. Nice shoes.”

You bit your lip involuntarily, slowly walking his way to wait on your coffee. “Thanks. You’ve got nice style yourself,” you complimented, and you were surprised by your own boldness in that moment. Something about his confidence made you confident, too. And something about his model good looks seemed unsettlingly familiar somehow.

He extended his hand as you took your position next to him. “I’m Mat,” he greeted. You couldn’t help but smile, nearly breathless from his innate charm.

“Hi, Mat,” you replied, engaging his handshake. “I’m Hayden.”

“Hayden. Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Mat mused, holding onto your hand for just a moment longer than was customary. You knew it was silly — God, was it silly — but you felt yourself blush at his flattery.

“Large Americano,” a barista called out. Mat stepped forward, thanking her and stuffing a bill — you couldn’t help but notice that it was a large one — into the tip jar atop the glass pastry display. He turned back to you as he unfastened the lid and blew gently on his coffee. Another thing you couldn’t help but notice — his perfect pink lips.

“So, Hayden, are you a native New Yorker?”

Hmm, you thought. Why isn’t he running for the door after getting his drink? You decided to play along, feeling more daring than you had in ages.

“I am not,” you confessed. “I’m from Maine, actually.”

“Ah, still an East Coast girl,” Mat remarked with a grin. “I’m from the West — near Vancouver.”

You arched your brows. “Wow, Canadian, huh?” Mat chuckled.

“Born and raised. You know what they say, though: opposites attract,” he commented, hazel eyes piercing into you even as he took a cautious sip from his cup. You studied his face — he seemed more familiar with each word he spoke.

“They do say that, don’t they?” you retorted, skirting his inference. Just then, the barista set your mocha on the counter.

“Thank you so much,” you said, also pushing a tip into the jar, thankful that Mat’s attention was on grabbing a cup sleeve from the island nearby instead of on the much smaller bills you had to offer the staff.

You turned toward the island, too, reaching for the cinnamon. Mat offered you a sleeve as if it was second nature, and you graciously accepted, trying to relax the muscles on your face that seemed to have permanently turned upward into a smile since you’d been in the man’s presence.

Suddenly, you gasped.

“Islanders,” you whispered under your breath as Mat watched you stir your cinnamon into your drink. He froze.

“What?” he asked with a nervous laugh, wondering if he had heard you correctly. Your eyes darted around, making sure no one within earshot was paying attention.

“You play for the Islanders. Right?” you asked softly. He nodded, silent, ducking his head a bit; you began to backpedal.

“Oh, God... I didn’t mean - I, uh... I promise I’m not like a hockey fangirl, or anything,” you choked out, cheeks flushed. Your hands started to shake slightly as you replaced the lid on your to-go cup. “I just, uh, my brother. My brother played hockey. He always talked about you, and, uh, I just realized that that’s why I recognized you.” You winced.

“This... this isn’t as weird as it sounds, I swear,” you insisted. “It’s just that, my brother played in the Q. He was good, and, uh, I knew about all the other good hockey players, because of him.”

Mat’s demeanor had quickly changed — from slightly uncomfortable to giddy. He was smirking at you while you sputtered, taking a sort of masochistic pleasure in watching you squirm. His grin was infectious.

“What’s your last name?” he asked when you finally stopped talking. “Parker,” you responded, the two of you stepping away from the island and taking up residence near the front windows of the cafe.

“Parker... Parker,” he repeated. You were distracted by how good your name sounded falling from his tongue. Then, he gasped, too.

“Oh shit, your brother’s Nick Parker? Damn, how’s he doing?”

Your brow quirked as you watched the light flicker on in his eyes when he pieced it together. A National Hockey League star recognized your brother’s name, your name. What the hell was happening?

You cleared your throat, attempting to come back into orbit. “Uh, yeah, he’s good now. He, uh... it was a battle there for a couple years. He had migraines every day for about 16 months... lost a lot of weight. It was... it was tough,” you told him, your voice lowering noticeably. Mat watched you carefully, concern written all over his striking features. It was evident that Mat knew your brother’s story.

Your older brother Nick had been a top 20 prospect in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League as a teen, playing forward for the Halifax Mooseheads. But after a nasty late hit during a playoff game, he had been left with a debilitating concussion and, after a long period of unsuccessful rehab, had been forced to walk away from the game just as he was entering his prime.

Those troubling days hung like a thick, black fog over your family’s history, and you suddenly recalled being 15 again, cross-legged outside Nick’s bedroom door for hours, begging him to let you into the dark room to hold onto him as he cried, both because of the pain and because of the weight of his unrealized dreams. It had taken countless neurologist appointments, physical therapy, and your parents’ unwavering insistence that he regularly see a sports psychologist for him to return to some semblance of normalcy after a long road to recovery.

Now, minus the occasional treatable migraine, Nick was thriving. You beamed at the thought, your well-polished black nail picking at the corner of the cup sleeve on your mocha as you looked back to Mat and continued.

“But he’s finishing law school now, seeing a therapist and keeps himself in great shape, which helps. He’s getting married next summer to this great girl,” you finished, pride swelling in your chest at how far your brother had come. Mat’s eyebrows lifted, his worried expression morphing into elation.

“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Damn, I’m so happy for him. Tell you what, lotta guys wanted nothing to do with him when he was tearing it up. And we were all gutted for him after it happened.” You gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks,” you said softly. “I’ll have to let him know you said that.” Mat nodded, then pressed on. “Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell him myself one day,” he added brazenly, casually taking another sip.

No response came to your brain, so you curled your fingers around your own cup and took a long draw, eyes darting to the activity outside the window, Mat’s never leaving your unsure face.

The church bells chiming from a nearby steeple were the only thing that could pull Mat’s gaze from you, as he checked his large-face Rolex. He seemed angered by the time staring back at him, and he ran his hand aggressively through his hair as his eyes rolled just slightly.

“Listen, Hayden, I hate to do this,” Mat began with a sigh. “But we’ve got a game in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and the team plane leaves in like half an hour.”

You’re surprised by how deflated you feel in that instant, casting a downward glance at the shoes Mat had complimented only minutes ago, before you’d started feeling like maybe you’d known him your whole life.

A quiet, “Oh,” was all you could muster, still not meeting his eyes.

His hand then came to rest on your upper arm, and it’s only then that you noticed how big it was, long fingers curling easily around your bicep.

“But hey... I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Whaddya say we grab coffee here the next morning? Wednesday. Maybe 8?”

You turned your eyes upward to take in his face. He looked hopeful. He was hopeful that he’d see you again.

You nodded. “I’d love to, Mat. I’ll meet you here.”

Mat beamed, a relieved breath falling from his lips. “Good,” he commented. “I’ll see you then.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, leaving you reeling when he pulled away.

“Bye, pretty Hayden,” Mat said with a wink before turning and exiting the coffee shop, walking down the block to the Cadillac he’d just unlocked. He was still in sight when he glanced over his shoulder and threw you another breathtaking grin. You smiled back, frozen in place as you watched him drive away.

_____

Mat was going to be late.

At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself at some point within the last 48 hours.

He was either going to be late or he was going to stand you up altogether. So even though you woke up at 5:30 and initially felt the need to rush through your routine to get down to the coffee shop as quickly as possible, you didn’t. You forced yourself to slow down. Because Mat was going to be late. Or, he wasn’t going to be there at all.

So you were surprised when, after throwing on a red chiffon dress with tiny white flowers and a cognac leather jacket, you walked through the coffee shop door at 8:02 and heard, “Hayden!”

Your head snapped up.

At a corner table in the back of the shop was Mat, dressed in a smart grey sweater and distressed black jeans, a silver chain looped around his neck, standing to wave you over with a broad smile across his face.

He came. And he’d arrived before you did.

You walked over to Mat and he embraced you warmly, the two of you exchanging kisses on the cheek. He squeezed your elbow affectionately as you stepped back from him.

“Oh, here. Let me,” Mat said as he pulled your chair out and motioned for you to sit.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, his chivalry catching you by surprise. Once you were seated, he pushed your chair in slightly before taking his place across the table from you.

“I got you a mocha,” he told you, nodding at the cup in front of you. “Double shot, right?”

You nodded. “You’re sweet. Thank you,” you said, the two of you beaming at each other for a moment, lost in a daze.

“So how was the game?” you inquired, pulling you both back to earth. Mat cleared his throat before answering you.

“It was good! We won. It’s usually a tough battle with them but we kinda dominated, which was nice for a change,” he spoke, looking pleased.

“You score?” you asked teasingly as you sipped from your cup.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” he told you with a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Two goals and an assist.”

Your eyebrows lifted on your forehead. “Mat, that’s amazing! So my brother was right. You are good.”

Mat shook his head, trying to shrug you off.

“Ah, nah. I kinda think it had more to do with a good luck charm I met this week,” he remarked slyly. You licked your bottom lip before biting on it gently. Mat took notice, mirroring your motions as he stared at your lips.

“So, how’s work been this week?” It was Mat’s turn to deflect.

You told him how hectic it had been, with you arriving at the office around 9 and leaving at 6 on the day you’d first met, then departing after 7 yesterday, despite it being only a part-time internship in addition to the five classes you were taking online. He asked about your combination of on-campus and online learning throughout your college career in order to accommodate your dream internships, and he was already in awe of what a hard worker you were.

You pointed out that you weren’t the only one at the table with a crazy schedule, and you asked him how he balanced hockey with his personal life. He answered you easily, launching into stories about his teammates and his family and his friends who all kept him grounded in different ways. There was one name he kept bringing up — Tito. He told you that you’d have to meet him. Before you could hesitate, you said you’d like to. His visage brightened at that answer. He reminded you of sunshine.

He continued to regale you with a vast array of stories, stopping often to ask you questions and invite you to tell him stories of your own. It took a bit of time, but soon you were opening up about your own life — your parents’ recent and shocking divorce after 30 years of marriage, and your struggle with your grandmother’s death last fall.

It wasn’t all dark, though. In fact, most of it wasn’t. You also told him about the crazy theater actor roommate you’d had when you first moved into the city to study fashion at NYU, and how her frightening antics had eventually pushed you into accepting your uncle’s offer to pay for your own apartment in the city, as he was single and childless and had always delighted in spoiling you and your brother. You told him about your only two cousins on your dad’s side, two siblings bracketing you and your brother in age, and how the four of you were more like siblings than cousins. You told a slightly off-color joke at your own expense that most of your friends and coworkers would never laugh at, but it left Mat breathless, throwing his head back with boyish giggles flowing from his mouth like your favorite song. This caught you off-guard — you couldn’t believe he actually seemed to think you were funny. The last one certainly never did.

At some point, the conversation shifted to music. Mat’s jaw dropped when you told him that you own every James Taylor album on vinyl, after he told you that that’s one of his favorite artists of all time. He said he’s never met anyone who has as many James Taylor records as you. You simply shrugged. You explained that you and your mom have seen every tour James Taylor has been on since you were eleven and had started playing guitar. Mat’s eyes went wide — he told you that he dabbles in guitar, too.

After this, you quieted a bit. He noticed. It comes off to him as shyness, but you know what it really is. It’s fear. All at once you realize just how far you’ve let your guard down with this stranger. You’ve only just met this person, yet you have more in common with him than anyone you’ve encountered since moving into the city.

He sensed that something was off, so, in the silence, he reached a hand across the table and took yours in his grasp, stroking the back of it with his thumb. You looked into his mesmerizing eyes, and your hesitance melted.

After several more minutes of easy conversation, you check the time. You need to be at work in ten minutes.

“I’m sorry to be the one to break this up this time,” you started, and Mat sat back, looking understanding though disappointed. “But I’ve gotta get to work. Thankfully, it’s just right down the street.”

“Let me walk you,” Mat quickly insisted. You smirked at him, digging in your purse to find your office key.

“Didn’t you drive here?” you asked, chuckling. He simply shrugged. “Yeah, but if pretty Hayden works just down the street, I might as well walk her to the office and spend a few extra minutes with her,” he told you with a smug grin. You felt your cheeks get hot.

“Sounds good to me,” you admitted quietly. Mat nodded, then rose from his chair, reaching for his wallet to leave another tip.

“Thank you,” you said, putting your hand on his forearm tenderly. “For the coffee. For this.”

He smiled down at you. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

The two of you walked out the cafe door, which Mat pushed open even from behind you. You pointed in the direction of your office building and the two of you fell into step, side by side. Your heart leapt when Mat reaches for your hand. It felt unbelievably natural — which terrified you.

Your recent relationship history flashed through your brain all at once, like a film reel. Your brain screamed, “Slow down!” while your heart whispered, “Relax.” You weren’t sure which to believe. You opened your mouth to bring him up, to give a fair warning, to tell Mat that you might not be ready for... whatever this was.

Then, he started to talk about the movies that his family watches every single Christmas. You weren’t at all sure what had brought that subject to his mind — maybe your earlier questions about his younger sister back in Coquitlam — but you’re grateful for the diversion from your own messy mind. You decided to engage him on that topic instead, rather than bring up your last boyfriend who’d shattered you then walked away.

And for the first time in eight months, you decided to leave what’s past, in the past.

Like a pinball machine, Mat had already bounced to yet another new topic — his practice later this morning. As he finished a story about pranking Tito in the locker room after a skate last week, you bubbled over with giggles. He watched you with admiration and wonder coursing through his entire being. You eventually observed how he was gazing at you, and you sensed that he had something more important to say than his joke on his teammate.

“Hey, so, uh,” Mat started, clearing his throat. Your suspicion had been correct. “What are you doing tomorrow night, after work? We have a home game tomorrow at 7:30 and I, uh, I wanted to see if maybe... you wanted to go? I requested a ticket for you... just in case you want it. If you do... I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner after?”

The sentences Mat spoke seemed to be rolled into one giant question mark. His unwavering self-assurance had seemed to falter slightly for the first time since you’d met him, surprising you. You only needed a moment to consider your answer.

“I’d love to come watch you play,” you told him, wrapping your hands around his upper arm affectionately. You watched him exhale, a smile slowly overtaking his face.

“Thank God,” Mat breathed, making you both burst into hysterics as he leaned his head down to touch yours for a moment.

Bewilderment overcame you as you realized that you hadn’t felt this way about anyone in... you couldn’t even remember how long. You’d thought it might never happen again. That for you, this feeling might just be... gone.

You couldn’t believe that on a Wednesday, in a cafe, you’d watched it begin again.

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and-damntheconsequences · 4 years ago

Text

Modern Merlin AU — With Gays and Churches

Slight CW for religious homophobia, and ofc I know that the majority of Christians are loving and beautiful people 💕

The Cast:

Uther: A firmly anti-gay pastor who is well known and mostly respected by the congregation and the community.

Ygraine: Uther's ex wife who divorced him after she found about an affair he had once had with a woman who named Vivian.

Arthur: Their son, who lives entirely with Uther and attends a religious school nearby.

Leon: Arthur's friend who also attends that school, who's parents have been going to Uther's church for years and years.

Merlin: A boy who recently joined the school after moving with his uncle, who teaches there. Also a closeted gay.

Gaius: An old friend of Uther's, a teacher at the school, and the only other person who knows about the affair.

Morgana: Uther's child from his affair with Vivian. She moves in with Uther when she's 10, since her mother can't financially support them both anymore.

Gwen: A girl at the school, who Arthur dates briefly in order to "prove" that he is straight.

Elyan: Gwen's brother, who lived with more distant family for a few years and has recently returned.

All other "round table" knights: New kids (they arrive at different times) who's parents have recently converted to Christianity and enrolled them in the school. Gwaine's family actually came from another church but he doesn't talk about that much, since he's not actually religious himself. Also Gwaine picks fights with homophobic teachers.

Kilgharrah: Either an angel, a demon, God Himself, or the school principal, I can't decide. Whichever he is, he occasionally pops up to give both Merlin and Arthur utterly useless life advice, in whatever form that takes depending on who he is. If he's somehow celestial, it's probably through sarcastic comments in dreams. If he's the school principal, he's just... That teacher that decides that stopping you in the corridor to Impart Words Of Adult Wisdom is a great use of everyone's time.

The Plot:

Uther becomes pastor at a church, and marries Ygraine. She disagrees with many of his views, but doesn't speak up about them, wanting to be a "good wife". That is, until she discovers that he once had an affair with a woman named Vivian and gave her a child. Ygraine then quietly divorces him and leaves, too afraid of making a fuss to try to get custody of Arthur. Uther tells everyone, including Arthur, that it was her choice to leave and that she willingly parted from the ways of the Lord. No one knows about the affair except him, her, and Vivian (and Gaius).

Arthur grows up with only Uther, not having many close friends, only Leon, who he's known his whole life and who's parents are also very religious. When Arthur is around 10, Vivian turns up on their doorstep, insisting that she has fallen into financial trouble, and cannot look after her child anymore. Uther takes Morgana in, insisting it was an act of charity on his behalf, and that Vivian was only an old friend. Everyone believes he is being a good samaritan, but secretly he hopes that if he "redeems" his child to the church, he may find redemption for what he did. Arthur and Morgana are the same age, and Uther begs Morgana not to tell Arthur the truth (threatening her for if she does), so he doesn't know she's his sister. They get on, mostly, but Arthur's a bit of a prat in lecturing her about God sometimes because he thinks that's how you make friends.

Anyway, a few years later, when Arthur is around 14, Merlin joins his school (they're roughly the same age here, Merlin only a few months younger.) He was sent to his uncle by his mother, since he came out to her and she didn't accept him. She wanted him to go to church and a religious school to "fix" him. He now lives with Gaius, and goes back into the closet for the time he's at school. He quickly becomes friends with Gwaine, who doesn't have many friends and is constantly in trouble for arguing with bigoted teachers.

Because he's really academic, Uther asks Gaius if it would be possible for Merlin to come round and help tutor Arthur in order to catch Arthur up with his studies, so Merlin starts coming around every Tuesday and Thursday. They slowly become friends, despite Merlin being quite rude, and Arthur having the most frustrating "holier than thou" attitude because he's the priest's son. Merlin develops a crush on him, and quickly gives up on trying to deny his sexuality to himself, but he can't tell Arthur, or anyone else.

In time, Merlin stops being so afraid of his own sexuality, and sneaks off to a pride parade and attends an LGBT group a couple of times. Gaius suspects what he might be doing, but says nothing.

When Morgana turns 16, she tells them all that she thinks she might be a lesbian. She's scared, but hopes that Uther may be understanding. Instead, he kicks her out, despite Arthur's protests that it isn't fair. She goes to live with some friends in similar situations, and over the next few months, cuts off Uther completely, changes school, and starts regularly attending LGBTQ+ events and just generally living her best lesbian life.

This makes Uther incredibly angry, and he takes it out on Arthur a lot, who starts going to Gaius and Merlin's after school to avoid him. He texts Morgana a bit, but is afraid to keep close contact with her, and still sees homosexuality as a sin. However, this whole situation has made him actually think about his own sexuality, and he's now afraid that maybe HE himself isn't totally straight. To prove that he is to himself, he asks Gwen on a date, but he can't ever truly like her, and she knows that.

At the same time, Merlin is trying to get rid of his crush on Arthur because he doesn't want to ruin that friendship, so he starts going to pride groups weekly, to meet others. He meets Will, a trans guy, and they almost date for a while, but Merlin can't commit to it because of his own feelings. Morgana happens to meet him there, and at first that interaction is a little awkward, but instead of pressuring him, she just gives him a hug, and tells him it's okay, she's learnt that now. She'll always be here for him if he needs to feel safe away from Uther/Arthur, or the school as a whole. He tells her that he hopes Arthur could be different from his father, and she says she hopes so, but she doesn't believe he would be — he seems to hate her too now. But that's okay. She's got a new family now. She's happy.

And then, eventually, Arthur comes to accept his own feelings, and Gwen does hers. He talks to Merlin about how he isn't sure if he's straight, and eventually they date, and then kiss. Gwen has a Bisexual Awakening™, and she reconnects with Morgana (they were friends before Morgana left) and they date too. Hunith (who's been having a side plot of researching things and learning and becoming a better, more accepting person) comes to stay with Gaius for a while, and tells Merlin she loves him, and will always love him no matter who he's with, and she's sorry she never said that before now.

When Arthur turns 18, his mother reaches out to him. She was too afraid to risk upsetting Uther and the church before, but she wants to know if he's okay. He's angry at her for all the years she was silent, and all the things he didn't know, and for leaving him, but in time, she tells him the truth. Morgana also tells Arthur the truth, knowing now that he doesn't blindly believe his father, and this won't tear a rift between them. Uther's affair is then revealed to the whole congregation, most of whom are appalled, and his reputation is ruined. The church gets a new pastor.

Some of the kids realise that they don't need religion to be valid and happy, and others realise that they can have both religion and love, and God can love them no matter who they are with. Both are okay, and everyone accepts everyone. They all live their best, gayest, cutest, and happiest lives.

***

Feel free to add stuff I love this concept. Also someone needs to write something like this and tag me bc I cannot write this myself — I'm incapable of managing the 3 fics I'm writing at the moment.

#merlin #merlin au #pride au #merlin pride #merlin modern au #modern merlin au #merthur #merthur au #merlin fanfic #merlin fic prompts

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rubysunnday · 5 years ago

Note

Shelby sister going to tommy and graces wedding and surprising her family after not seeing them bc she went to war with them (unknowingly to them) and never came back until now

A/N: I changed it so that she’d been at boarding school because it just made more sense to me

Attending boarding school was one of the biggest regrets of your life. You hadn’t any of your family since the previous summer and you felt so alone. The subjects you were learning weren’t boring, it just wasn’t what you wanted to do with your life.

You’d been thinking about dropping out for a while. You’d missed out on a lot whilst you’d been away – Tommy having a child, John having a child, Arthur getting married and you’d decided that, despite missing nearly every other big event in your family’s lives, you weren’t about to miss Tommy Shelby getting married.

So, you’d written to Grace, someone you’d already met and become quite close to, despite living so far away, and asked if she’d allow you to attend his wedding and surprise them all. And then, maybe, move in with her and Tommy since you’d dropped out of school.

Two days before the wedding, you’d arrived back in Birmingham, suitcases in hand. You weren’t expecting anyone to greet you since you hadn’t actually told anyone you were coming back, but there was Grace, waiting for you with a bouquet of flowers and a huge smile on her face.

You’d all but sprinted across the road to hug her.

“Hey,” Grace chuckled, hugging you back tightly as you clung to her.

“Never let me do something like that again,” you muttered to her.

“I promise,” Grace said as you let go. She smiled at you, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “How does it feel to be back on home turf?”

“I never thought I’d miss Birmingham, but I really missed Birmingham,” you admitted, taking a deep breath in. “It stinks but I love it.”

Grace smiled as she opened the car door for you, allowing you to dump your suitcases and slide across to the passenger seat. “I thought we could have a day to ourselves tomorrow before the chaos of the wedding.”

“A Shelby wedding wouldn’t be a Shelby wedding without chaos, Grace,” you told her, “it’s what makes us so unique.”

“Stressful is a better word, I believe,” she muttered, turning the engine on and pulling away from the curb.

“Why am I panicking?” You asked, pacing up and down Grace’s room whilst she put the finishing touches to her outfit. “I mean, I’m not the one getting married, am I? I’m just seeing my family again at a wedding without telling them –“

“Y/N,” Grace said, forcing you to sit down on the bed, “calm down. It’ll be fine. They’ll all cry and then hug you and then get drunk.”

“That’s what happened last time,” you replied, “so I’d be ok with that. I just don’t want Tommy to feel like I’ve taken the limelight away from him and you.”

Grace sat down next to you with a sigh. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you and how much he wishes you were here since he last saw you, y/n. He’ll be over the moon to see you – they all will.”

“Linda won’t.”

“Fuck Linda.”

You stared at Grace. “We’ve corrupted you already!”

Grace just sighed and shook her head. “It’s too late for any of us, y/n, we’ve all been corrupted.”

“Do I look ok?” You asked suddenly, standing up and smoothing down your dress nervously.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” Grace said, putting the crown of flowers on top of your head. “You also look scarily like Tommy.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

You gripped Grace’s hand tightly as the carriage rolled to a stop outside the church. Your stomach was coiling tightly and you were completely terrified.

“It’ll be fine,” Grace whispered.

Her father, who’d been very surprised to see you, got out first and extended a hand to you. You took it and allowed him to help you down from the carriage, making sure the heels of your shoes didn’t get caught in your dress. Grace followed behind you and you gathered up the back of her veil to make sure it didn’t get muddy or tangled up.

You could hear them all. You couldn’t see them, but just hearing them sent your heart all over the place.

“Ready?” Grace asked as she handed you some flowers. The music started up and there was a rustle as everyone stood up.

You nodded, taking a deep breath in and turning to face the aisle. Unlike most weddings, Grace wanted you walking down with her. You had decided to walk slightly behind her to allow her the spotlight, but you knew they’d still all see you.

Grace began walking down, shooting you a comforting smile over her shoulder as you followed, gripping onto the flowers tightly.

Ironically, Finn, the most unobservant person in the family, noticed you first. He gaped at you as soon as he spotted you and smacked Isaiah on the chest, pointing. That then led to Isaiah staring at you as well and you offered them both a cheeky wave as you passed.

Finn then tapped John on the shoulder and pointed you out to him and he immediately began pointing you out to everyone else in the family.

Tommy saw his wife – to – be first and his sister, the person he arguably loved the most, second and his heart stopped. You smiled at him as Grace stopped in front of him and stepped forward to take her flowers from her, giving Tommy a quick kiss as you passed him.

“Surprise,” you whispered to Arthur as you sat down next to him, putting the flowers next to you. Arthur pulled you into his side and hugged you tightly as the priest began droning on.

"I’ve missed you,” Arthur whispered, kissing your head. “We’ve all missed you.”

You smiled up at him, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’m back now, for good.”

The first thing Tommy did after he’d walked out the church with his new wife, was run up to you and lift you up in a giant hug.

You giggled, holding onto him as he spun you around. “Hey, Tommy.”

“What are you doing here?” Tommy exclaimed, setting you back down on the ground.

“I decided that I didn’t want to miss out on anymore big events so, I sort of, dropped out of school…”

Tommy just laughed. “Thank god, I would never have admitted but I’ve really missed you and wished you’d come back.”

“Yeah, Grace said you hadn’t shut up about missing me,” you teased, and Tommy shoved gently.

“If it isn’t the one and only y/n!” John exclaimed, scooping you up and hugging you.

“Surprise!” You exclaimed, kissing his cheek and wrapping your arms around him. “I got fed up of school.”

“To right!” John exclaimed, setting you down on the ground. “It’s been boring without you, gorgeous.”

“Well, I am the life of this family,” you said, fluffing your hair.

Whilst the rest of the family dispersed to go chat to other people, Tommy stayed next to you, an arm around your shoulders.

“I’m not going to suddenly disappear, Tom,” you said softly, putting your hand up to his. “I’m here for good.”

Tommy nodded, leaning down to kiss your head. “I know you are; I’m just making up for lost time.”

You said nothing in reply. Instead, you simply nestled against his shoulder and sighed happily.

#sister!reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders imagine #sister shelby #shelby sis #shelby sister

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