#maybe ballas did something to make it not affect them or something?

[theultimatepumpkinpie]

Me back on my bullshit again, getting diagnosed with something new trying to decide which of my ocs also gets it so I can use them to understand myself more

[feywildatheart]

Oh Darna. I wish you were here, too. I wish I could have that hug. I don't know about legend, but-- Well. I won't argue with you about that. I may have your stubbornness, but you've had more years to hone it, and I can recognize arguments I won't win.

I don't feel like a legend. Shouldn't legends feel like they have the faintest idea of what they're doing? When does that start?

I am sorry to make you worry. I hated writing you about the balhannoth, because I knew how it would make you both fear for me. I'm trying to be better, and smarter, I am, I just don't know... how.

You will, I think, be glad to know that we've begun the process of increasing our supplies. We've left Haewood and come to the port city of Arstead, which is quite sizeable. We stopped in at a shop for spell components for Elyn, so she'll be able to cast Teleportation Circle, which she's recently learned, and while we were there I bought a potion of climbing, to have should the occasion arise that I find myself in need of climbing swiftly and well, since Elyn and Cloudleaper are both far better at it than I am, and we went to the Pack and Tack where Elyn perused their armor, but ultimately didn't find anything she liked enough to buy, and I bought a set of lockpicks. We spent a few days making our way into and then up through the sorceress's tower when we were down in the ruins, just before returning to Haewood, and within the tower we found a few doors barred to us by locks and with no means at all of circumventing them, so I-- Well, I'm sure you both recall those adventuring novels I took a fancy to after the first time you took me to Cadiz Beta, and wheedled with you until you bought me my LICD and the rest of the series so I wouldn't be left in suspense when we returned home. They were always picking locks in those books, and goodness knows I read and reread them enough to have them practically memorized. And I'm decently good with my hands, a bit steadier in a pinch than either Elyn or Cloudleaper at any rate, and so I thought, well, what was there to lose? And I borrowed a screwdriver from Elyn and, with her tools and her encouragement and those novels buoying me up, I made a go at seeing if I could work the lock open.

And, nenîth, you won't believe it but it worked! There were a few locked doors in the tower, all told, and I was able to get each of them open in turn. It must be because the locks were so very old, I'm sure, they must be simpler technology, less secure. In any case, though, I didn't suppose that using the wrong tool for the job was going to make me any better at it, so I bought the lockpicks while we were at the Pack and Tack, and got a recommendation from them about where I might find a bookstore likely to carry an instruction manual that I can learn from, and with a bit of luck and a great deal of practice, perhaps the next time we encounter a locked door -- ancient or otherwise -- I'll be able to make sure it doesn't stand in our way.

I'm going to try, anyway.

There was a compendium of monsters and beasts at the bookstore, too, that I set my eye on, and when I opened it up to see if it had anything about a balhannoth written there (no one we've spoken to, really, seems to have much more than a vague notion of what it actually is, and I envy them that, but it seemed like a decent litmus test to identify just how thorough and useful the compendium might be), Cloudleaper leaned over quicker than I could snatch the book away and wrote in it, just wrote right in it, something about balhannoths being a nightmare to fight, as though that's news to any of us at this point. I protested, and the store clerks were highly disapproving, and Cloudleaper declared she was going to buy it for me, to make it up to us both I think, so I let her.

After the bookstore, we headed across town to find a tanner whose name Elyn had been given, to see if they could make something of the dragon hide that we found in the balhannoth's lair, and Cloudleaper started wailing in the middle of the street, because -- honestly, I'm still not exactly sure what happened. Elyn and I managed to convince her to collapse onto Squirt's back, rather than there in the middle of the street, so we could get her to a park and try to figure out what was wrong, which seems to be that her friend Stormflight, from the monastery, wrote her and something about the letter made her realize that she's in love with him, which she seems to think is something utterly terrible.

I really don't understand her at all.

There didn't seem to be anything that we could do to try to console her, so Elyn distracted her by taking her off to find trousers and boots to replace the ones that have been a mess ever since we fought the balhannoth, and while they did that I excused myself to go find a decent tech shop.

It occurred to me at some point during the few days we spent in Haewood, after leaving the ruins, when we were all rejoicing in having LICD connection again, that we could almost certainly afford an upgrade there, too, and I thought-- well, Cloudleaper's always so upset when she doesn't have access to the internet and the stories she likes to read, and I thought I could buy her one, as a sort of a gesture, and an attempt to repair some of what's broken between us. And then she was so upset by Stormflight's letter, it seemed the right time to go and get it, and try to make her happy.

It wasn't terribly hard to find a decent tech shop, and the clerk there was very helpful, and in short order I left with three IICDs, one for each of us, and with special access on Cloudleaper's to science databases, and on Elyn's to ones for music and history, and on mine to a beastiary, to hopefully keep us better informed about the things we might be finding ourselves facing.

Elyn and Cloudleaper weren't at the shop where I'd left them when I came back, but I managed to find them, wandering about in search of a tech shop themselves, it turned out. I gave Cloudleaper her IICD, and-- oh, Darna, she's so effusive! I don't think I'm particularly reserved when it comes to affection, but Cloudleaper's is always so overwhelming! Maybe it's only because she's twice my size that I'm so easily overwhelmed.

In any case, she sobbed, which was very concerning and the opposite of what I'd hoped to accomplish, and then she snatched me up in her arms and squeezed all the breath out of me, and when she finally set me down I gave Elyn hers, who looked very startled by it -- as though I'd have bought such a thing for Cloudleaper but left her empty-handed!

Once Cloudleaper had recovered, they mentioned their search for a tech shop, and I was going to show them to mine until Cloudleaper got that look in her eye that she sometimes gets and started being all insistent about how I hadn't paid more than fifty gold for it, had I? And, well, I was perfectly capable of affording what they cost, and I don't in any way feel that the price was unfair, but it was definitely more than fifty gold, and I just had a vision of Cloudleaper storming into the shop and terrorizing that poor clerk who had been so helpful to me, so I changed my mind about that right quick, and then Elyn reminded us about our plans to find the tanner Balla, so we headed off in that direction.

Balla was very kind and helpful, though his eyes about popped out of his head when I pulled the dragon hide out of our bag. He seems to know what he's about, though, and said that he could make a set of armor from it, and that the properties of the hide would likely give its wearer some extra protections against dragons. Elyn and I have both been feeling a need for a little bit more protection than we have, especially after that balhannoth, so it was a little disappointing to learn that there was only enough material for him to fashion one set of armor, but Elyn and I are close enough in size, at least, so we commissioned him to tan the hide and make a set of studded armor from it, in dimension that would fit either of us, and I suppose once it's finished Elyn and I can argue over who it belongs to. I'm inclined to insist that she takes it, since I have my cloak to help protect me and also it's really imperative to all of us that she stays on her feet, since she's the one with the healing magic. I think she's as inclined to shove it at me, though, she's always saying that it's important that I stay on my feet, because I have the wand of healing and can get her back on hers if need be. So, we'll have to see how that goes once it's finished, and perhaps in the meantime as we continue our shopping, she or I will find some other set of armor that we fall in love with, and the debate will be moot.

We decided to find a bank after that, so we could unload some of the considerable amount of loose coins in the bag of holding and put them into our account, but as we were walking Elyn heard music playing somewhere nearby, and so of course we had to make a detour to find its source. We met a pair of dwarven cousins who were busking, one playing the harp while the other sang, and after we'd watched for a while and Elyn struck up a conversation, they invited her to join them, and seemed to appreciate both her own harp and her gloves very much. They played a song from their home planet about the creation of the Ollamh Harp, and it was incredibly lovely.

Eventually Elyn said that we should leave before the bank closed for the day, though it was obvious she'd have stayed longer if she could, and neither Cloudleaper or I were rushing her away. But off we went, and took up some poor teller's time as we dug all nine thousand coins out, one handful at a time.

Cloudleaper and I got into a little bit of an argument then -- well, it wasn't heated, so I suppose it was more of a debate. But she started talking about how we should be investing our money, so that it earns interest and we can have more money, and ... I just can't fathom the purpose of that. We have so much already! What's the point of acquiring it for its own sake? She was talking about investing it in the sorts of places that wouldn't let us have access to it for years, and what if we need it? And when I protested she started demanding, what if I get hurt and I need it for my medical bills, what if I die and it's needed for funeral costs. I pointed out that there are temples dedicated to healing those in need of it, and that our funds would be better used in service to keeping us alive than squirreled away in event of our death, but Cloudleaper didn't much seem to hear me about any of that, and she was just getting more agitated and the conversation was just going in circles, so I said that she could do whatever she liked with her portion of the money, and left it at that.

I don't know, I don't think your or Cylla will agree with me, considering what you said in your letter about managing our money. It's not that I'm opposed to the idea entirely, but I need a better reason for it. Elyn mentioned saving up for a college fund for the kids, and that's a reason I can get behind, but I don't care about acquiring money just for the sake of having it. And we're already doing that, aren't we? If the balance in our party funds is anything to judge by, we're already acquiring money faster than we can spend it.

Anyway. Elyn cut through the argument by suggesting that we all go get dinner and talk about Stormflight's letter, if Cloudleaper felt like talking about it, and to my considerable surprise she did. So off we went, and what followed was a very bewildering conversation, in which Cloudleaper said with one breath that she loves him, and with the next that she'll never say so because she doesn't deserve to be happy, which is such bullshit. Even I, who has spent much of our time together unhappy with her and thinking she disliked me, wouldn't have ever said that she didn't deserve to be happy. We tried to gently encourage her to see that, Elyn and I, and I asked if that was why she'd cried when I'd given her the IICD, because I'd gotten it for her specifically to try to make her happy, and I told her she could give it back if she didn't want it (I didn't really think she'd take me up on that, not considering how delighted she'd been by it when I gave it to her), and she snatched me up again and squeezed me again and started going on about how I was hers now and she would fight to the death for me (I pointed out, with what breath I could manage, that she's already done that, she's killed lots of things for me and Elyn both).

I still don't know what to make of her. I think I've given up on ever knowing what to make of her. She talked in such a matter-of-fact manner about not deserving to be happy, like it was a simple and undisputed fact, like the speed of light or the force of gravity. And then she started talking about leaving like the one thing followed from the other, and only Elyn pointing out that the two of us will definitely die without her stopped that particular line of conversation.

In any case, at least now we all have our IICDs, and magical necromancer towers notwithstanding, should find ourselves much less likely to be out of signal range and out of contact than we so far have, which I hope will be a relief to you both. And we've made a start to better equipping ourselves, at least, and once we decide on where to go next we will hopefully be able to make some further progress on that. I wrote to Marsa, asking if she knew of where might be a good place to go to find magical supplies, and she suggested a few options that we've yet to decide between. She mentioned Sumula Station as one, and I think Elyn and I would both be glad for an excuse to go catch up with Biza, but there are a few others she listed as well, and we're thinking we might reach out to the adventuring guild for guidance on where to start. We've certainly the funds to take teleportation circles from one to the next if we felt the need to shop widely, though.

I'll write you both once I know where we're heading, or if anything exciting happens in the meantime -- though I certainly hope it doesn't, I think we've all three had our fill of excitement for at least a little while. I'd like to at least get our shopping done and the lot of us a little better equipped, before the next excitement finds us.

I love you both, more than my letters can ever convey.

Maliah

[villi-villain]

Dancing With the Stars (Season 25) - Week 4 Recap

(If there are typos that I didn’t catch - I’m recovering from a back injury that affected the nerves in my hand so sometimes I can’t feel if my hand got the right key.)

Theme: Most Memorable Year

Frankie Muniz & Witney Carson (Quickstep) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Terrell Owens & Cheryl Burke (Viennese Waltz) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Nikki Bella & Artem Chigvintsev (Contemporary) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Nick Lachey & Peta Murgatroyd (Contemporary) - 8, 7, 7 (22) Lindsey Sterling & Mark Ballas (Viennese Waltz) - 9, 8, 9 (26) Derek Fisher & Sharna Burgess (Jazz) - 7, 8, 8 (23) Jordan Fisher & Lindsay Arnold (Contemporary) - 10, 9, 10 (29) Sasha Pieterse & Gleb Savchenko (Foxtrot) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Vanessa Lachey & Maks Chmerkovskiy (Rumba) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Drew Scott & Emma Slater (Jive) - 8, 8, 8 (24) Victoria Arlen & Val Chmerkovskiy (Foxtrot) - 9, 9, 9 (27)

Lowest Scoring Dance: Nick & Peta’s Contemporary Highest Scoring Dance: Jordan & Lindsay’s Contemporary Eliminated: Derek Fisher & Sharna Burgess

Favorite Outfit(s): I love how they put Mark in Lindsey's dads’ hat and scarf to make him resemble her dad, so Mark. Vanessa looked beautiful. Overscored: No one. Underscored: I’m surprised Vanessa & Maks didn’t get at least one 9. Least Favorite Dance: I liked all of them, BUT Sasha & Gleb have been forgetful this whole season (to me), so maybe them. Most Favorite Dance: Jordan & Lindsay’s Contemporary Favorite Song: “Don’t Stop Me Now” - Queen

Overall thoughts on the night: Since I haven’t done a recap at all this season, to the disappointment of all 3 of you that actually reads my recaps, I’ll share some of my thoughts on the couples as a whole. FRANKIE & WITNEY - even though they’re one of the better couples this season, going first tonight didn’t do him any favors (as they usually don’t). I’m glad they didn’t give them a low-ball score though. At first viewing of their quickstep, alerts from the wildfires going on in my area kept interrupting the performance, but it was a solid performance. TERRELL & CHERYL - okay, I’ve been waiting for my hand to get better so I can type things and so I can talk about the name-rhyming with these two. It is so absurdly funny to my mom and me for some reason that their names rhyme. Other than that, I definitely didn’t care much about Terrell after one of his packages (I think it was week 2, night 1) and still really don’t. However, his dance tonight was very beautiful and it’s nice to see the vulnerable side from him. NIKKI & ARTEM - like Terrell, I’ve been liking getting to see the vulnerable side of Nikki with her struggles and how it reflected in her contemporary, These two are one of my favorite couples and I love their relationship. LINDSEY & MARK - these two are definitely one of two couples (in my opinion) to watch and tonight proved it. Very touching story that I think many people can relate to. DEREK & SHARNA - let me start off by saying thank you to Sharna for choreographing a recognizable Jazz routine. Jazz on this show sometimes turns into a free-for-all (content-wise) or a hip hop routine. Derek’s story was so beautiful - how he took a break from basketball to take care of his daughter (with whom I share a name with). Sharna is one pro that knows how to tell her partner’s story. It’s such a shame and such bullshit that he was the one eliminated tonight. JORDAN & LINDSAY - ahhhhhhh my team! As someone who also was raised very close their their grandparents, this performance was very relatable and like Sharna, Lindsay knows how to convert a story into a dance. These two have a beautiful partnership and this may be Lindsay’s season. SASHA & GLEB - every single week, I find myself being torn with these two. I don’t know if it’s because I have no clue who she is or if it’s Gleb’s choreography, but they’re so forgettable to me and I hate it. Sasha can dance, but that’s about it. DREW & EMMA - gah this performance was so fun to watch! Unlike most, if not all, of these dances were more serious and “downers” (not in scoring or content, there was just a lot of tears flowin’) this dance was very upbeat and you couldn’t help but smile. I love that they had brought Drew’s brother join in the dance. However, I’m worried about how much further these two have on the show given Drew’s fanbase. VICTORIA & VAL - this girl’s story is so heartbreaking and amazing all at the same time. HOW THE HELL IS SHE DOING THIS? Val did a great job with the choreography for this number. Great song, great choreography, great performance. 

So... I left the married couples for last because I have some words. I wish that Peta and Maks had sat this season out - they just got married two and a half months ago and I knew TPTB was going to do something like this. I feel that they didn’t really put much thought into which pros would be better for Nick and Vanessa, instead they put them with Maks and Peta just because they’re married. To me, it’s a gimmick. And now there’s rumors that Vanessa and Maks aren’t getting along and now I don’t know if they’re being genuine. Does anyone else feel that way? Let me know your thoughts. Anyway, NICK & PETA - if I were to say whether these two or Vanessa & Maks are having chemistry issues, it would be Nick & Peta. Something about them just fall flat to me. It was great that he chose to honor his marriage with Vanessa for his Most Memorable Year. I am still waiting for a Jessica-comment from Bruno, however. VANESSA & MAKS - they are by far the stronger couple, even if they are having problems. The story of her and Nick’s son was very heartbreaking and shows how far a mother would go to save her child. The song was beautiful and the fact that it was Nick’s song made it better. I really hope these two can get over their problem (if they have one) because Vanessa could go very far.

My Most Memorable Year would have to be 2012, the year that I came out to my family and friends. What would yours be? :)

Who I think should be eliminated next week: Nick Lachey & Peta Murgatroyd Who I think will be eliminated next week: Drew Scott & Emma Slater

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 69, September 2017

On Monday morning, I had my second last Healthy Cooking on a Budget class at Balla Balla Community Centre in Cranbourne East. Today’s class honestly felt like a bad episode of Hell’s Kitchen minus the nasty chefs. Just a lot of sharing ingredients and cooking utensils. But on the positive side, I was gaining more confidence with making a dough mixture. The hardest part is getting the consistency right, so that it’s not too sticky or too dry. But with the help of Jodie, I finally got there.

Today we ended up making a pumpkin, red onion and feta pide (Turkish bread) and a vegan citrus cake. We started the class by dicing up the vegetables and roasting these in the oven whilst kneading the dough and allowing it to expand for about an hour. Next we worked on the citrus cake. Jodie claimed that this was the “easiest cake recipe” but everyone was looking confused as hell. It required a lot of juicing, zesting and patience but eventually it all came together.

The last part of the class involved assembling the dough mixture into pides. We had cut up the mixture into equal sections and then rolled them out flat. Next we layered the vegetable mixture into the middle of the pides and folded the edges up so that they resembled boat-like shapes. After baking, we seasoned the pides with danish feta, parsley, salt and pepper. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/progra...

On Monday night, I did my Body Balance class with Kaz at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. They say that the only way to get better at something is to keep practicing. This is certainly the case when it comes to balance and Pilates. I find both of these aspects quite challenging at times but it doesn’t mean I instantly give up because the poses are too hard. I make sure that I give everything a go, even if I’m uncoordinated and look ridiculous doing it.

In tonight’s class, we did the following exercises: Tai-Chi Warmup (Wide-legged stance with overhead sweeping circles), Yoga (Standing forward fold, Downward facing dog, plank, baby cobra, Warrior 2), Balance (Tree pose, Chair pose with raised heels), Pilates (Single leg raise and lower, Bridge pose with pulses, Double leg stretch), Hamstring Stretches (Seated wide legged forward fold) and Relaxation. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Tuesday morning, I had my first appointment with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. Sitting in the large spacious waiting room outside the Waterman Business Centre, the nerves were already kicking in and I could feel myself getting hot and flustered in the chair. But thankfully those feelings began to subside when she walked in and introduced herself to me. She guided me into one of the suites which contained comfy leather sofas, fake plastic palms and oval-shaped lamps. Next door was the “Rainforest Room” which made for an interesting session, hearing these random frog and cricket sounds.

Dr. Yasmin is a clinical neuropsychologist and I was here to begin my assessment for the Autism Spectrum Disorder. Both my mum and my counselor recommended this due to a family history of the disorder and for the sake of clarity. During the session, Yasmin asked me questions about my childhood, school life, employment history, education, how my mental illness has affected my life and current interests. I felt like I was on episode of Millionaire Hot Seat though she was friendly, patient and easy to talk with which made the process easier.

My biggest concern was the cost of the sessions. At $200 a session, she really doesn’t come cheap though I do get some of that money back through a Medicare rebate. Still I really had to make some tough sacrifices this month in order to keep myself afloat financially. Money will always be a huge stressor in my life but I’m gradually learning ways to improve my spending and saving habits. Plus this assessment is really important and will be worth the money to do. http://www.cnspsych.com.au/

On Tuesday night, Mum and I attended a Mindfulness & Meditation workshop held at Balla Balla Community Centre in Cranbourne East. There were about 40 people who attended and it was great to see the community really get behind it. The facilitator Fiona talked about what mindfulness and meditation are and some specific research studies that show how implementing M&M into our daily lives can create such a positive change. This includes reducing stress and anxiety levels, switching defective genes off (epigenetics), rewiring parts of the brain (neuroplasticity), prevention of cardiovascular disease and cancers and forming better, healthier habits.

Fiona then guided us all through a 10 minute meditation, focusing on the breath, sensations and feelings in the body, any internal and external sounds and thoughts going through out mind. The idea behind meditation is to have a non-judgemental approach to it. So it’s okay that your mind is overloaded with thoughts or that you have to shift around in order to be in a more comfortable position or that you can only do it for a few minutes. It’s about the intention behind it and being kind to yourself. There’s no right or wrong way of doing it. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/event/...

On Wednesday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Sitting on the bench waiting for Luke, my annoying anxious thoughts were trying desperately to break through and ruin my day (Why isn’t anyone talking to me, paying attention to me or even acknowledging me?). So then I decided to use my waiting time productively instead of getting caught up in my thoughts. I did some gentle yoga stretches as I was still feeling sore and tight in my lower back and hips. And it certainly helped to take my mind off things.

WARM-UP...I started my session by rolling out my lower back and quad muscles before doing some scorpion stretches and 3 rounds of 10 single arm kettle bell lifts. I felt like I was getting better with it too and I focused my attention on keeping my lifting arm straight whilst using the other arm for balance. The pain was beginning to flare up a little in my lower back but no where near as bad as last time. I also did some stretches into my hips using the aerobic stepper. It was quite challenging keeping my other leg straight but I got there.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I was working on my deadlifts, doing 5 rounds of 5 reps with the last round being maximum reps. Initially, I was getting myself easily distracted by what the other trainers and clients were doing in our space and also getting frustrated because my technique and form felt really off. I was deadlifting 75kg and it felt harder than usual.

Thankfully after my first round, I was able to turn that self-talk around...”Come on Michael, you can do this. Just take your time with it. Be patient. Be consistent. Pace yourself. Take a couple of seconds to readjust if you have to. And remember to breathe!” And that’s all I really needed. It just takes a shift in mindset and focus. I wasn’t going to get myself upset or beat myself up because it wasn’t my best performance. In fact, I felt better about it after each round.

And smashing out 20 reps in the last round was beyond what I expected. After my 15th rep, I was starting to struggle heaps but Luke knew that I could do more and so I kept pushing for it. I’m more than what I think I’m capable of always. I surprise myself all the time. And thankfully a few of the trainers did start saying hi to me which made me feel a lot better about myself. Thank you Joel, Sheena, Kane, Brendan and Lachy.

WORKOUT...Today’s workout was a 500m sprint on the rowing machine in the fastest time possible. I got myself a little confused during my first round as I was expecting the numbers to increase not decrease on the display. But after that, I gave it 110% effort. The challenge for me was the consistency and after the 250m mark, the fatigue quickly set in. Still I gave it everything I got, even during the last round which was my slowest overall. My best time was 2 minutes and 4 seconds. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayfitnesstraining/

This Thursday was R U OK? Day! There are significant benefits to asking that question. It shifts the attention away from yourself and your own problems. It shows that you care about somebody else and how they're really feeling inside. And it's a great ice breaker. For somebody who has suffered with mental illness for a past 13 years, this day and cause is extremely important to me. Make sure you look out for one another. Stay strong. Stay positive. Ask R U OK? and you could change somebody else's life for the better.  https://www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask

On Thursday night, I had my Water Workout class at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. It was a much smaller class than usual tonight but that meant we had plenty of room to move around the pool. The class was instructed by Mary again who I remember from last time. We did our usual series of exercises including jogging, ski slopes, tuck jumps, pendulum, rock n’ roll and donkey kicks.

We also swam up and down the pool using the underwater dumbbells as a flotation device. I feel like my confidence when it comes to swimming is gradually increasing every time I do one of these classes. It just takes practice and consistent strong kicks in the water. I’m no longer sinking as much either which is always a good sign. Maybe one day I’ll consider doing some adult swimming lessons to further improve my technique. https://www.goodlifehealthclubs.com.au/...

On Friday morning, I had my second Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. After reading a chapter on dealing with the main causes of low self-confidence from The Confidence Gap by Dr. Russ Harris, I decided to put his advice into practice. This session seemed to be more mentally challenging than usual. I’m still learning to let go of things such as the perception that people are ignoring me or deliberately leaving me out socially, getting easily distracted by what’s happening around me and getting frustrated when I can’t perform a particular movement. It’s all a work-in-progress.

I’m still searching for a sense of belonging at UFT PLAYgrounds. I’m determined to make a difference, get involved, participate, matter and feel important. The fact that I’m shy and introverted is irrelevant. I feel like a lot of people do like me there. Sometimes it’s hard of get their attention but it’s fine. It doesn’t mean they don’t like me. They’re probably just busy training clients or in the middle of a conversation. Regardless, I deserve to be a part of the UFT Playgrounds family.

WARM-UP...This morning’s warmup was a bit more intense than usual. After my Y-T-I stretches on the bench, I had to do 3 rounds of the following: 100 skips, 10 squats, 10 pushups and 10 situps. I was doing pretty well until I got to the situps. I was beginning to get really hard on myself as I couldn’t keep my feet planted to the ground. But I reminded myself “It’s not like every trainer, coach and client is closing in around me and telling me how shit my performance is. I’m trying hard here and I’m doing the best I can.”

And eventually I did improve. All I needed was Luke to stand on my shoes in order to be able to do the situps and have enough momentum to keep swinging myself up. The fatigue was also starting to take its toll but I got there in the end.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I worked on doing bench press, doing 5 rounds of 3 reps at 42.5kg with the last round being maximum reps. Again, I was finding this mentally challenging. I kept colliding into the racking and my bar path was all over the shop. But eventually, I managed to re-focus on the task at hand with the help of Luke (Be strong, think strong!).

Even in the face of a seemingly impossible goal (beating 6 reps in the last round), I summoned all of my mental strength and energy to push myself through it. “You’ve got this Michael. Don’t give up. Stay focused. Take deep breaths.” I genuinely did more than I thought I could do, smashing 8 reps. Now that is a remarkable achievement to be proud of.

WORKOUT...Today’s workout involved a 7 minute AMRAP (As Many Reps As Possible), doing the following exercises: 20 Russian twists, 15 butterfly situps, 20 mountain climbers and 15 hollow rocks. It seemed pretty full on especially with that tough mixture of cardio and core strength but I was up for it. The Russian twists and the hollow rocks were the hardest of the lot. The pain was a difficult distraction but I kept fighting it thanks to Luke’s constant motivation. I completed 2.5 rounds plus 13 butterfly situps. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayfitnesstraining/

“So I'll speak my truth though my voice shakes. Try to summon the strength to look fear in the face. But I'm kicking and screaming 'cause it won't be easy to break all the patterns. If I'm not evolving, I'm just another robot taking up oxygen.”                                                    Katy Perry - Bigger Than Me (2017)

“So, just take those punches on the chin, yeah. Don't fight the changes in the wind, no, no 'cause you'll find your way home, oh. If you find a way to let go, just let go. Don't try and reinvent your wheel, 'cause you're too original. Baby, just stay classic. Ain't broke, ain't broke, don't fix it. Your highs, your lows, just ride it.” Katy Perry - Pendulum (2017)