#maybe also bc I've been a little under the weather recently

[smellpelt]

man I want to draw for some random characters on artfight but I have not seen a single design that inspires me recently

[cringesideblog]

here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

[ao3gingerswag]

hallo ms swag! awfully sorry for your writers block troubles - I thought I would give you some ideas I've been a-thinking about recently to maybe make things a tad better! (this was written with a dick van dyke esque tone, but you can read it however pleases you :))

okay so first- I thought I'd follow the trend of what I did before because I got inspired by ANOTHER piece of folky music - what a diverse person am I right? anyways so here's the song

so for this I mainly heard the intro and immediately the picture came to my head of the boys at the market place. its a warm day, maybe late spring to early summer, where there's still a breeze and fresh produce but the weather is nice enough that you can feel the warmth on your skin. the skipping tones of the piano just made me think of sam running around from stall to stall looking at all the wares and being an excited little kid. I bet he was so shocked when he first saw the marketplace, so different to the atmosphere of his old town. of course, he's still got his past, so he never goes too far out of sight of cas, both for his and cas's sake, but he constantly gets distracted by what all the different stalls are selling. he tugs around dean as well, who acts all annoyed and huffs and jokes 'jeez, pull harder sammy, my arms still in its socket!' but is secretly pleased, and in reality hides his smile very poorly, because he gets to see his brother acting like an actual *kid* for once, and god goes it feel good to see him happy. and yeah, it's just one of those nice days when the weather is just perfect and throughout the day sam zig-zags all over and by the end of the day he comes back to cas who's in the cart and is slightly sweaty and out of breath from running back to the cart after getting caught up admiring some bauble or other and just beams up at him and cas is so happy because so *great* to see someone experiencing the market without (too much) anxiety.

so yeah, less focused on the words and more on the pretty sounds, but that's what I imagined! :D

me when hooomdooom evokes so many feelings with song recs and fic ideas that i almost start crying and immediately download the song:

no but seriously u never fucking miss. FIRST of all im obsessed with this song now im obsessed with ur music taste do u have any like public spotifiy playlists?? this is my EXACT music taste but i dont have the patience to sort thru alt youtube to find new music ;~;

more importantly GOD i can picture that so fucking well!! ;~; i feel like i could see the running around and being excited happening immediately with sam, like he's gonna be SO floored by the marketplace and so excited to explore new things!!!! i could so see him zipping around and tugging dean along even just a few weeks after getting getting back to the inn. that being said, tbh i dont cant really see sam being that open about his excitement to CAS specifically. like hes gonna have a MUCH better attitude towards him but he's still like.....guarded, u know? so i could see the interaction at the end with him beaming at cas happening like the next year, when he's like 11? or if it's one of Sam's first market experiences early in their relationship, i could also see this day closing out with a positive experience between the two, just a bit more subdued <3 like i could see sam maybe buying some sort of silly bauble as u said, something cheap and totally unnecessary. and he's like. obviously very pleased with his purchase like he's thrilled but he's trying to be subtle about it bc well its not like something important and john would have gotten angry at him for wasting money.

maybe he's by the cart with dean and he's showing it to him sort of subtly, and cas sort of comes up from behind. and sam sort of automatically shoves it under him trying to hide it. and cas is like. whacha got there? bc sam is not smooth.

and maybe usually sam would be like NOTHING FUCK OFF GO FUCK YOURSELF NONE OF YOUR BUISiNESS but he's in such a good mood and cas hasn't been mean to him at all even though he's rude all the time. so he's like. uh. um. ............um. and then he pulls it out from under him and shows it to cas.

and hes like its just a thingamajig. it was only a farthing!!! you said i could spend the penny how i wanted you said!!!!!! pretty defensively. but cas is like wow! that looks so cool! where did u buy it? and asks all the right questions and stuff and sam is like :o and then a few minutes later :) bc he is getting to talk about his cool thingamajig and isnt in trouble. so he smiles at cas and internally is like. hm. maybe i like cas a little bit sometimes.

(that turns into a lot all the time pretty soon.)

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[cuziloveyou7]

20 questions tag

Tagged by @randombtsprincessa thank you for thinking of me! I appreciate u 💜

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Tbh I don't really know. I usually say peach or potato but you can also call me Es or whatever u feel suits me 🤷🏽‍♀️

2. When is your birthday?

January 7th!

3. Where do you live?

The Netherlands 🇳🇱 (so I u Dutch... I need more army friends, want like ik heb maar 2 army vrienden en mn moeder lmao)

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Catching up with friends, listening to music, studying Korean

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest.

Kpop and... what even falls under fandoms? I'm into so many things🤔

6. How had the pandemic been treating you?

At first it was really stressful bc I had exams. Then I went into hermit mode. Then I got anxiety and almost fell back into depression 🙃 but right now I'm doing really good! I feel happy, healthy and meaningful!

7. A song you can't stop listening to right now?

Sweet melody - Little Mix,

Blue hour (dance break version) - TXT

So good - Dove Cameron

Dingga - MAMAMOO

Love me the same - Esmée Denters

8. Recommend a movie.

I gotta think hard about this bc its been a while since I've seen a movie I got really into... ohhhh! I did see "Little Women" recently! I knew the bcc mini serie so it was fun to watch the movie! Also... Timothée Chalamet.. do I need to say more 😉

9. How old are you?

I'm 20! Only for a few months tho, I'm getting older each day 😄😉

10. School, University, occupation, other?

I finished college in May! I'm having a gap year, but I have a part time job which I'm thankful for in these times of uncertainty! So for now I'll be your local cashier and cleaning lady 🤑. Next September I'm starting university for another 6 years 🙆🏽‍♀️👩🏽‍🎓

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

I'm a winter baby, I was born in a country where we barely have warm weather so yes, I do love the cold! I hate being sweaty. Also I like hot cocoa with a pile of blankets on a cold winter night! Whenever I visit the fam in the Philippines I go hide where the airco is, otherwise I'm ko bc of the heat.

12. Name one fact others may not know about?

Ehhh... I feel like I'm really open on Tumblr.. oh no wait I know something 😆 I went on a dating app for 3 month in July bc I was bored eventhough I swore to never download something like that...

13. Are you shy?

Let's not call it shy but introvert bc with my friends I'm hella crazy. I also tend to watch from afar at first so people might think I'm shy but I'm just analysing the situation and if people are worth my energy.

14. Preferred pronouns?

She/her

15. Biggest per peeves

Loud chewing, feet... don't show them to me bc no! Just no! I'm sorry I don't even like my own. Telling lies or saying one thing then do the other.. wooww I'm boiling just thinking about it.

16. What is your favourite "dere" type?

Okay, I'm gonna be honest this took me a minute of research bc I'm really bad at all these terms 🙃. But now that I know (and I will probably forget again bc dis brain...) I'd say its either a Dandere or Deredere type (I'm boring right?)

17. Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

I'd say right now its a solid 6,5 or 7 even maybe. Could always be better but I've been at a 1 a few years ago so...

18. What's your main blog?

This one! @cuziloveyou7

19. List your side blogs and what they're used for?

I don't have any! Was thinking about it but I'm already a horrible page owner on this main one 😑

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I'm super introvert so it takes a while for me to open up, so don't give up on me!

I'm really open to anything when you've found the cracked in my wall. Which can make for really great, fun and heated conversations!

Friendships are super important to me and I value it a lot!

I'm a high sensitive person so I get burned out a lot in social gatherings, also social anxiety!

And the most important one! I have this scared attitude towards boys/men/guys idk how when and where it came from but it's there so I would appreciate u helping me out sometimes and understanding this angst instead of making fun of it and saying "they're just boys not aliens or something" yes thank u I wasn't aware 😒

Tagging: @an-annyeoing-writer , @kittylefayy, @oheyura , @saintxuxi and ofcourse anyone who wants to

[x-whyareyoureadingthis-x]

Frank Iero and the Future Violents Concert

I'm still dizzy, and it's been more than 12hours but that's fine because it was So. Fucking. Amazing. And I'm not gonna stop talking about it any time soon.

So it all started pretty awful: the two hours I need to get there turned into five due to traffic jams, the weather forecast said cloudy but dry, 16°C (60°F), but it was streaming rain and only 10°C (50°F) and I only had my hoodie. But luckily there were roofs to stand under.

I didn't get in as one of the first people, but because all the others crowded around the middle, where Frank would be standing, I got a lot of space at the side.

Mobina Galore was so, so good. I listened to their songs on Saturday to get a feeling for them, and they are good on record. But they are fucking great live. Marcia, the drummer, played barefeeted (I only know that Andy Hurley does that too), and she is super pretty. What was really cool for me to see was that she is about my height and stature, and it was just so great to see someone "like me" (aka not slim as a beanstalk) on stage. And Jenna has such a hypnotising atmosphere while playing. I was grinning like a fool the entire time.

But who I really came to see were the Future Violents. Because I was standing far at the side, Evan was right in front of me, but I also got the most amazing view on Frank and Kayleigh. Only Matt was mostly covered by Frank, and Tucker was hidden behind his drums 😖

One thing I couldn't stop thinking about when it came to their performance: the hair

A ranking from most to least likely to see nothing because if hair:

Evan. He loves headbanging. And about half of the time he can't have seen anything bc he looked like It from Adam's Family. Also: super soft looking hair.

Tucker. The dude just manages to get the hair into his eyes all the time

Frank. Short hair but still in his face. And once he started sweating, it stayed there

Kayleigh. She just had a single strand of hair that contined getting into her vision bc she's a clever girl and used a hair tie

Matt. Also clever: short hair.

Also worth mentioning: Kayleigh is still and always will be fucking beautiful, she's like an angel, seriously. Also I never noticed the piano in "Medical Square Gardens" but it's so beautiful, wow.

Tucker's drumming is an art in itself. It's not about performance necessarily, but just the way he hit the Ride...

Matt is pretty stationary, but does this little nodding along

Evan, as I already said: headbanging. Loads. Also he has a super nice voice (I barely heard Frank, but Evan was well audible, I think I stood right in the blast of his monitor), and he's just generally perfect. Perfect hair, beautiful face, fucking talented (and after their set I asked for a pick and he gave me one *fangirl squealing*)

And last but not least, Frank. Being Frank. Jumping, shouting, singing, rocking... Favourite quote of the night "this next song is about me, and it might be about you too" and then he started playing "I'm a mess" and I've really felt that. Also when the techy prepared the stage, he tapped the cables to the stage, every cable getting one stripe of tape, maybe two, and Frank’s guitar cable got like ten. I think that says a lot about his dynamics on stage. But we all know how he can be, don’t we?

The whole show was amazing. I can barely talk today, and the concert was the best therapy I've had in ages.

The bass and the drums make everything vibrate, and it feels like all the negative stuff gets shaken loose and with the next bang in the music the sound just blasts everything away, out of your body. And you can scream the lyrics along, shout out all the frustration, all the lines that always hit you in the guts like they do, tear out the bad things that make them so important to you, and having Frank and Evan scream these words right back at you, watching Kayleigh nodding along while playing the keyboard, Matt rocking the bass and Tucker blasting these beats right into your heart... It's the most liberating feeling I can imagine. (I don't need antidepressants, I need punk rock concerts).

I think the white guitar leaning against the orange speaker is Frank's, but Evan was playing it.

But one of the most special moments of the night was after Laura Jane Grace had finished, and the Techies started packing up. I had written a letter to the band, telling them how their music got me through life on a daily basis. I was still debating on whether to give it to the one tech guy (he was in a picture with Frank recently, I think, and I also know him from two years ago), or the merch guy (who was super sweet. It feels like all the merch people are always super lovely). But I was scared they might lose it, and I didn’t want to give it to them while they were still in the middle of working.

And then Tucker goes on stage and helps with his drums. But I didn’t want to bother him while he was working as well, but then I spotted Kayleigh as she was walking towards the stage (you can see the access to the stage from the audience, and the door to the parking lot is directly on the other side of the stage too). So I start walking to the stage, but see the security guard. He’s been standing next to me during the concert most of the time, so he already knows me, and he’s giving me this look. So, about equally far away from the stage as from him, I ask if I can quickly go to the stage, but he’s like “nah, not really.” So I tell him I just quickly want to hand Kayleigh something, and he asks what I could possibly want to give her, making me tell him I wrote a letter, and he’s about to half-heartedly deny me that, but Kayleigh is already half-way over the stage so I’m thinking I’m faster than this guy, and he doesn’t really seem to care anyway, so I just quickly run over and call her, making her turn around. Security guard couldn’t care less (I think the clue was that I asked. He probably would have interfered if I hadn’t). So I give her the letter, saying it’s just to let them all know how much their music means to me, and she gets all flattered and smiley and surprised and happy. I added that I saw her two years ago, and was really looking forward to seeing her here again, and she even remembered the venue (another one from yesterday), and then she asked for my name (aka killing me). When we had said good bye, I walked past the security guard again, and thanked him, wishing him a good night. Only got a disinterested nod. I’m really glad I was cocky enough to give this thing a chance. A year ago I would have been too scared to possibly get into trouble, but I think the whole rebellious thing is starting to work for me.

So all in all: very very very great evening, and as expected: my expectations have been exceeded.