#im sorry this is late :(( been having some trouble with my meds

[miniimight]

Hiiii idk if you’re doing requests rn but I just ADORE how you write Izuku and katsuki like omg-

Anyways- my meds are causing me some crazy nightmares lately and I was wondering how they would handle you waking up from a nightmare???

If you don’t take requests then forget this ever happened :’)

Have a nice day byeeeeee!!!

NIGHTMARES you wake up in a start and wake them up in the process

with izuku & katsuki

notes guys i know ive been away for way too long im so sorry!!! :( i'm in the process of moving so it's stressful T-T thanks for the request, anon, hope those nightmares got/get better :( <3

it was so vivid. your mind sunk into an alternate reality that captured all your senses. you felt yourself spiraling deeper and deeper, faster and faster—

your body jolted upright with a breathless yell and a sharp gasp, the world stilling for a mere second...

and then you leaned over your knees, your lungs racing to catch up with your need for oxygen. your chest felt tight and you squeezed your eyes, remembering that your boyfriend was laying peacefully beside you.

you peeked to your side and found him staring right back—wide, bright eyes piercing into your own—sending a shock through your body.

IZUKU

"god, izuku, you scared me—" you sighed, your hand pressing on your stomach as if that would make the uneasy feeling disappear.

"i scared you?" he sat up further, scooching closer to your side. "you scared me, angel. are you okay? you're out of breath, honey. let's do it together, okay?"

you whimpered softly as you tried to follow his guide. izuku could tell you were in distress and it took everything to stop himself from overwhelming you with questions. he just laced his fingers with yours and squeezed.

"good job, honey." izuku praised you ever-so-softly, rubbing your back soothingly. "feeling a bit better?"

you nodded, frowning. "m'sorry for waking you—"

"angel." he whined, letting his eyes do all the talking. "don't do that! please, don't do that." he actually sounded offended.

you looked away from him, your throat hurting from holding back tears. "it's been happening all the time, though, and you need your rest. maybe i should take the guest room?" you were more talking to yourself than anything, but izuku refused to let you entertain such an idea.

izuku's shoulders slumped, the shock fading as drowsiness began to overtake him. he smiled lazily, fighting a yawn. "y/n, even if i knew you would wake me up every night for the rest of time, i'd still choose to be here beside you."

you turned to face him, the horror of your nightmare slowly fading to the back of your mind. "really?"

"really." he confirmed.

you smiled, letting your head rest on your knees as you stared at him lovingly.

the rustle of sheets and whistle of wind reminded the both of you that it was indeed the middle of the night. izuku tugged you closer by your waist, pulling you back onto the bed. he groaned softly, stretching a little before he relaxed against you. "did you wanna talk about it?"

you pursed your lips. curling into his embrace, you immediately felt warmer. "...not right now."

he kissed your forehead. "don't worry, i'll always be right here to protect you from anything your head throws at you. you just tell me and let me at 'em." he kissed you again before wrapping both arms around you.

his steady breathing and soft snores brought a fond smile to your face. you found yourself falling asleep despite the night's events.

KATSUKI

you both stared at each other for a good few seconds before you spoke up.

"sorry for waking you," you mumbled, still having trouble managing your breathing. you turned away from him, pressing your palms into your eyes.

"no," he whispered with a softness reserved for you only. "you didn't wake me."

you stared at him through the darkness and could see him so clearly. "katsuki—"

"shh, it's okay, baby." he gave you a soft smile, once again reassuring you. "come 'ere."

you sniffed as you inched closer. katsuki gently took your arm and pulled you the rest of the way right into his arms. his hand fell to your waist, tracing little shapes and lines as he allowed you time.

"wanna talk about it?" he asked.

you shook your head.

"okay." he squeezed your shoulder, kissing your cheek. he figured you'd tell him when you were ready—the last thing he wanted to do was stress you out even more. it was hard, not to get all the answers on what was bothering was you... it was in his nature to want to make all your problems go away. "what do you need?"

you hand wound around his torso, hugging him back. "um..." you shuddered as you breathed in. "just you."

he smiled against your skin. "yeah? promise you're not holding back on me?"

you giggled. "yes."

"cuz you know i'd do literally anything—"

you sat up slightly, turning to face him with a swat to his chest. your face burned and it was a struggle to recall the images of your nightmare. "katsuki! oh my god."

"what?" he scrunched his nose. his eyes never left you. "it's true."

you returned to your spot between his arm. "just you."

"whatever you say." he pressed his lips to your temple before he got comfy. he sighed. "goodnight, pretty. wake me when those stupid nightmares bug you again, okay?"

your heart fluttered and your smile grew out of your control. "okay."

© miniimight ! thanks for reading <3

[iheartmalewives]

HI WELCOME BACK (Iheartmalewives give me a Trey x Sick reader, AND MY LIFE, IS YOURS [asking nicely :3])

Fever Episode

In every 12-24 episode romance anime, there's always a fever episode.

HEKLO HELLOO!!!!<33 IM SO GLAD TO BE BACK AGAIN!! also like sorry if this is a few days late or something,, (idk how recent this req is) since i had been busy with certain stuff. ANYWAY WE BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH TREY!!!

You had unfortunately caught a fever after getting drenched in the rain yesterday near the NRC. Forgetting your umbrella had left you facing the consequences, confined to your bed in your dilapidated dormitory, with a damp towel resting on your forehead.

Grim being Grim, he wasn't providing much help to you and it annoyed you even more, knowing you couldn't rely on him to purchase the proper medication. With that, you decided to reach out to Trey for help.

Treyyy help. If you aren’t too busy, could you buy me some meds for fevers? Pls I can't rely on Grim..

Got it. I’ll be there in a bit!

After receiving a response from Trey, you settled back onto your bed, gazing up at the ceiling and hoping that you hadn't made any spelling mistakes in your text due to your slightly confused state.

It didn't take long for Trey to arrive, carrying a paper bag, a concerned expression on his face. "The rain got to you, huh?" he remarked, pulling up a chair and placing the medicine on your bedside table.

He grabbed the thermometer and proceeded to check your temperature. "38°C. It's a mild fever, so you should be able to recover soon enough," he informed you, adjusting his glasses. When he noticed you attempting to sit up, he gently stopped you, placing a hand on your arm. "Let me take care of you, Prefect. You're not in a good state to handle things by yourself."

"But what about your responsibilities? Doesn't Riddle have tasks for you?" you asked, a little worried at the thought of Trey getting into trouble. He shook his head, replying, "I told him about your fever, and he insisted that I help you out."

You smiled at the thought, appreciating Riddle's concern. "I'm okay, really—I can fetch a glass myself."

"Stay," he insisted, rising from his chair and leaving the room to grab a glass of water for you. You blinked in surprise but ultimately settled back down, unable to argue with him.

A short while later, he returned with a glass of water in hand. He then handed it to you along with your pills. From the paper bag, he grabbed a cooling gel strip specifically designed for fevers then carefully, he removed the damp towel from your forehead and replaced it with the gel strip.

"How does that feel?" he asked.

"It feels nice," you replied, swallowing your medicine and placing the cup back down. "Thank you for taking care of me, Trey."

"It's not a big deal," he responded with a smile, gently tucking you in. "I'll stay right here beside you for the rest of the day.”

[obixwan]

it’s always been you for @tecker and @cloneficgiftexchange

pairings: rex x reader

blurb: Rex reassures you about your relationship.

word count: 850 ish

warnings: relationship troubles, unedited writing lol

notes: oh my gosh im so sorry tecker ! I’m sorry its late and its crappy but i struggled with this one so much i hardly ever write for rex but i hope you love it!! <3

masterlist // join my updated taglist // ao3 link

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

It’s early when he receives the message.

0700. Urgent. Meet me.

He’s sitting at the breakfast table when his communicator pings with a notification but he quickly swipes it away making sure no one else can see it. He ignores everyone’s questions and queries when he stands up from the breakfast table, claiming he’s finally caught the bug that’s been making rounds around the barracks.

“Some bug,” Jesse says, “If the captain with strengthened immunity can catch it.”

Rex is about to bite back a response but he decides that he doesn’t owe Jesse an answer when it comes to this, so he only rolls his eyes and abandons his breakfast of sweet honey toast and makes his way to the med bay.

Kix is taking a stock count when Rex walks in and when Rex asks to sign him off for a day with the flu, Kix doesn’t ask any questions. He shakes the medic's hand with gratitude and then he makes his way through the city, head down, strides long, until he reaches the Jedi temple.

His footsteps are quiet, muffled on the carpeted floors of the temple. He knows these halls like the back of his hands. They’re cold and dull. They’re sterile and sanitised and if they could talk, Rex knows what they would say. Disgusting, undutiful, traitorous, wrong. The dull grey paint blurs walls into walls and before Rex knows it, he’s at the door that leads to the usual meeting point.

And just like every other secret meeting, Rex meets you in a forgotten meditation room that he knows off by heart too. Many nights have been spent here, sat on the long meditation benches, cuddled into one another or just talking. Watching the temple gardens and the waterfall through the one way viewing window, whispering to one another. The room, despite its hostile location, has become somewhat of a retreat for the both of you.

But as well as he knows these walls and that room, he knows you better. And as soon as the door seals behind him, he doesn’t even need to look at your trembling lip to know you’ve been crying. The air in the room is thick with emotion, so much so Rex can hardly breathe himself.

He sits with you on the bench seat and pulls you into his body, soothing your hair until your tears start to fall again and your shoulders are heaving with the effort of the sobs that are torn from your body.

He sits with you for what could have been hours. There’s no way to tell the passing of time in these rooms unless you have a watch or a time piece on you but Rex doesn’t mind. The outside world melts away when it’s just the two of you and the sounds of the waterfall.

When your sobs quiet and your breathing evens out, he holds you at arms length, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes are bright, the way only tears can make them so. Your skin is raw and blotchy and bright but Rex thinks you look just as lovely as always.

“Ready to talk to me now, lovely?” Rex asks. As much as he wishes he could read your mind, take in your auror, he is no jedi.

Your bottom lip trembles again as Rex’s hand pushes back your hair from your face, coming to rest on your cheek. “We can’t keep doing this.” You say, another tear dripping down your face. “We are hurting everyone we love, Betraying everything we hold dear by being together.”

His heart breaks but this is not the first time these thoughts have entered your relationship. But the last time, you’d only been seeing each other for a few weeks and he thought this would blow over in a few short weeks. He had reassured you, held you the whole hyperspace journey home to Coruscant, despite the risk you could’ve been found. But here they are a year and a half into seeing each other and these worries are still rearing their heads.

Rex wonders for a brief moment in general Skywalker and senator Amidala have to combat these sorts of insecurities too. But then he decides that they probably don’t because even if they were found out, the worst that would happen is they’d both be fired and exiled from their respective positions. Rex on the other hand… well… it probably wouldn’t be as happy an ending for him. He would be labelled a traitor and he'd be killed by firing squad.

He pulls you into his body again, rubbing soothing patterns onto your skin, and playing with your hair the way he knows you like, that puts you at ease. “It’s always been you.” He whispers. “We don’t do this for anyone else.” He says, “Just us. It’s just for us. It is selfish, but it’s war, cyar’ika, we are allowed something for us.”

It’s enough to soothe you, enough to let you cuddle in closer to his warmth and his strength. Enough to make you settle into his love.

[ao3gingerswag]

hallo ms swag! awfully sorry for your writers block troubles - I thought I would give you some ideas I've been a-thinking about recently to maybe make things a tad better! (this was written with a dick van dyke esque tone, but you can read it however pleases you :))

okay so first- I thought I'd follow the trend of what I did before because I got inspired by ANOTHER piece of folky music - what a diverse person am I right? anyways so here's the song

so for this I mainly heard the intro and immediately the picture came to my head of the boys at the market place. its a warm day, maybe late spring to early summer, where there's still a breeze and fresh produce but the weather is nice enough that you can feel the warmth on your skin. the skipping tones of the piano just made me think of sam running around from stall to stall looking at all the wares and being an excited little kid. I bet he was so shocked when he first saw the marketplace, so different to the atmosphere of his old town. of course, he's still got his past, so he never goes too far out of sight of cas, both for his and cas's sake, but he constantly gets distracted by what all the different stalls are selling. he tugs around dean as well, who acts all annoyed and huffs and jokes 'jeez, pull harder sammy, my arms still in its socket!' but is secretly pleased, and in reality hides his smile very poorly, because he gets to see his brother acting like an actual *kid* for once, and god goes it feel good to see him happy. and yeah, it's just one of those nice days when the weather is just perfect and throughout the day sam zig-zags all over and by the end of the day he comes back to cas who's in the cart and is slightly sweaty and out of breath from running back to the cart after getting caught up admiring some bauble or other and just beams up at him and cas is so happy because so *great* to see someone experiencing the market without (too much) anxiety.

so yeah, less focused on the words and more on the pretty sounds, but that's what I imagined! :D

me when hooomdooom evokes so many feelings with song recs and fic ideas that i almost start crying and immediately download the song:

no but seriously u never fucking miss. FIRST of all im obsessed with this song now im obsessed with ur music taste do u have any like public spotifiy playlists?? this is my EXACT music taste but i dont have the patience to sort thru alt youtube to find new music ;~;

more importantly GOD i can picture that so fucking well!! ;~; i feel like i could see the running around and being excited happening immediately with sam, like he's gonna be SO floored by the marketplace and so excited to explore new things!!!! i could so see him zipping around and tugging dean along even just a few weeks after getting getting back to the inn. that being said, tbh i dont cant really see sam being that open about his excitement to CAS specifically. like hes gonna have a MUCH better attitude towards him but he's still like.....guarded, u know? so i could see the interaction at the end with him beaming at cas happening like the next year, when he's like 11? or if it's one of Sam's first market experiences early in their relationship, i could also see this day closing out with a positive experience between the two, just a bit more subdued <3 like i could see sam maybe buying some sort of silly bauble as u said, something cheap and totally unnecessary. and he's like. obviously very pleased with his purchase like he's thrilled but he's trying to be subtle about it bc well its not like something important and john would have gotten angry at him for wasting money.

maybe he's by the cart with dean and he's showing it to him sort of subtly, and cas sort of comes up from behind. and sam sort of automatically shoves it under him trying to hide it. and cas is like. whacha got there? bc sam is not smooth.

and maybe usually sam would be like NOTHING FUCK OFF GO FUCK YOURSELF NONE OF YOUR BUISiNESS but he's in such a good mood and cas hasn't been mean to him at all even though he's rude all the time. so he's like. uh. um. ............um. and then he pulls it out from under him and shows it to cas.

and hes like its just a thingamajig. it was only a farthing!!! you said i could spend the penny how i wanted you said!!!!!! pretty defensively. but cas is like wow! that looks so cool! where did u buy it? and asks all the right questions and stuff and sam is like :o and then a few minutes later :) bc he is getting to talk about his cool thingamajig and isnt in trouble. so he smiles at cas and internally is like. hm. maybe i like cas a little bit sometimes.

(that turns into a lot all the time pretty soon.)

[noforkingclue]

Hello Mrs forking, yes i'm to request something with Twelfth SORRY I LOVE THAT OLD MAN SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING, FORGIVE ME MRS FORKING ❤ So can I number 4 of MISC with 5 of ANGST? please princess of all angst give something funny to turn in pretty angst ＞ω＜

I hope this is angsty enough for you! I do love being evil with my stories!

Prompt 4, misc: “Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!”

Prompt 5, angst: “Wake up! Please wake up.”

Doctor Who tag list: @v4n1r, @queerconfusionthings,  @yourneighbourhoodclown, @love-of-fandoms, @emilythezeldafan, @fabulous-jj-style, @theseeker945, @pleadingeyes, @kjaneway1, @truthbehindthemysteries, @im-a-muggleborn, @startrekkingaroundasgard, @huntheimpossible

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary

“Come on,” you muttered, “Come on where is it.”

You opened the wardrobe in the Doctor’s room and groaned when you couldn’t find what you were looking for. You shut the door with a snap and leant against them. You frowned as you looked around the room. It didn’t help that it was so messy and was hard enough finding anything in that room. You slid down to the floor and drummed your fingers of the carpet as you tried to think of other places to look.

“Any particular reason for why are you in my room.”

You looked over at the door and saw the Doctor leaning against the doorframe. He gave you an amused look as you hurried to get off the floor.

“Do I need a reason?” you asked as you walked towards him

“I wasn’t expecting company,” he replied, “If I was I would’ve tidied up.”

“I prefer your room messy.”

“I’m sure you do.”

By now you were standing directly in front of the Doctor. He had his hand behind his back and looked down at you with a raised eyebrow.

“What were you looking for?”

“Who said I was looking for anything?”

“The fact that I saw you looking through that wardrobe gave me a clue.”

You held the Doctor’s gaze for a moment before groaning and running a hand through your hair.

“Fine,” you said, “I was looking for your hoodie?”

“My hoodie?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why not.”

“I would like a reason.”

“Because I want to wear it.”

“Right.”

“Now are you going to help me look for it!”

“For what?”

“Your hoodie!” you said in exasperation

“Oh right,” the Doctor said slowly, “You mean this hoodie.”

He held up the garment you had been looking for and you glared at it. When you tried to lunge for it the Doctor held it high above your head and you cursed the fact that the Doctor was taller than you.

“Please can I have it?”

“Why?”

“Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!”

You tried to reach for it again but the Doctor just wrapped am arm around you. You pouted at him as he leant down and said,

“But what do I get in return.”

“The joy of seeing me in your cloths.”

“Sounds like a tempting offer.”

“And also this.”

You leant up and pressed a brief kiss against the Doctor’s lips. When you broke it the Doctor smiled and let go of his hoodie. You grabbed it and quickly dashed off laughing. The Doctor just shook his head and slowly followed you determined to find you before you had a chance to decided your next adventure.

 *

 You were in the Doctor’s arms by the time he kicked the TARDIS doors open. The TARDIS let out a distressed noise but he ignored it as he ran towards the med room. You were having trouble keeping your eyes open as blood slowly seeped out of your wound and saturated his hoodie.

“Come on,” the Doctor said, “Don’t do this to me.”

“Doc?”

“Shh,” he put you down on a bed and stroked your hair, “Save your strength.”

“M’tired.”

“Everything will be alright,” he said, “Just a little longer.”

He turned round to look for some medical supplies but when he turned back your eyes were shut. He let the bottles crash to the ground, ignoring the sound of breaking glass, as he gently cupped you face.

“Wake up! Please wake up.”

He hated the way his voice broke as he tried to get you to open your eyes. He held your body close as he knew he was too late. He held you tightly and ignored the feeling of your blood seeping through your hoodie and onto his shirt.

Once again he was too late.

[kevinexyqueen]

An fanfic where Neil starded working for the Hatfords after his mom died but he is already dating Andrew and join the foxes anyway

so, andrew and neil meet in juvie when neil was like 14

he stayed there for 3 or 4months while his mother worked some things out

and there he bonded with andrew, told him some trues (he was 14 he was not thar good at keeping secrets yet) , they make a deal, a lot of drama etc etc

and then he has to break out from the place and andrew is like

" i'm going with you"

"no, you're not"

"yes, i am"

andrew can be fucking stubborn so yeah he goes with neil

(he already knows about aaron is a way to put more distance between them)

mary is pissed off, but andrew knows to much and she was not about to kill him

and she sees the way that andrew protect neil so in the end andrew stays with them

is not like someone will put real effort in looking for a foster kid

so she shows andrew how to use a knife (I think she didn't stop teaching neil, is a too valuable habilit)

and also a gun, and i have a headcanon that Andrew is just awful with it, and neil loves to make fun of him

anyway, they protect each other, kill some people, fall in love, learns russian, spar together, normal teenager stuffs

mary does not know, andrew doesn't like her but he doesn't kill her because he knows she is the only reason neil is still alive

they started dating after a year since they meet, so neil was 15 and andrew 16

idk neils/nathaniels age makes me confuse

also, andrew convinces neil to play exy without she knowing

(btw i forgot to mention neil was stefan when thet meet and alex when seattle happens)

and well like a just said Seattle happens

and after that neil can't just keep running, he won't be responsible for Andrew death as well

sooo, yep he calls stuart

Stuart tells them all the moriyamas bullshit, etc etc

they go to the FBI, neils is officially neil abraam josten, Andrew becames andrew minyard etc

after that andrew goes to live with aaron and Neil goes to england, it was safer that way for both of them

STUART KILLS NATHAN/LOLA YEAHH

continuing, they keep dating, long distance and all, andrew goes to england every month at least and do little jobs for neil's family

neil only do some translation works and he is pretty good at making deals (the irony) so he deals with a lot of other mobs family's and is like a lot people think he should become head of the family but that's a long history

anyway, all the canon shit with Andrew happens the same way, Tilda, Nicky, he turning down the ravens and he join the foxes

but he has some Hatford people watching over him so he doesn't beat all those man alone and doesn't take his meds (just needs to see a therapist for a couple of years)

even with all the Mafia shit neil still plays exy and he is better than he is in canon since he have been practicing with andrew for a few years (and also he spars with andrew so hr is a wayyyy better fighter and he also uses the knifes cause of andrew insistence and again all the mafia shit)

anyway, the Hatfords know about them but Andrew's family/the foxes (same thing, no?) doesn't

they come with a plan to take down the moriyamas and i have that in my head but don't know how to explain

but neils deals with a lot of mafia family's right? so like if the moriyamas kill him the Hatfords and idk the chinese as well will take revenge, and the moriyamas would loose since they are dealing with a war in japan and kengo is in hospital, nathan is dead etc etc

so, too much trouble to kill neil, so neil makes a peace offer with ichirou that while he is in the eau he won't kill him or the other foxes

so like, if rikos touches them he will be carving his own grave, and thats the whole point, cause Kevin's hand proven that riko's doesn't have any self control so the fucking plan is making riko angry

and we all know how good neil is at this, andrew is not happy

so yeah, neil needs to join some exy team and of course he will join the foxes because his bf right

NOW EVERYONE FINDING OUT ABOUT NEIL

because like, they are together for years, and not as much hurt as they are in canon, they didn't feel the need to tell anyone but they also doesn't care to hide and yes they hold hand in public and things like this

now neil only come on the same day the upperclassmen return cause there was no need for him to come early

so, like a hour before the reunion in the lounge andrew is like hey everybody in the car now or you're walking

and everyone is like ???? especially when andrew makes kevin go in the backseat

and he goes to the airport and nobody understands nothing, until neil comes

and he just completely ignores everyone im the backseat (yes even Kevin) and looks at andrew >that way< and andrew is a man in love, so he leans and gives neil a quick kiss and neil smiles at him and with a fucking soft voice says "hey baby"

andrew did not blush

anyway they started driving and andrew has his hand on neils leg and aaron, nicky and kevin are just fucking shook, they have no reaction at all, no words nothing because WTF

so when neils turns and says "hey guys, i'm neil" and is meet with three shocked faces staring at him he is trying so hard not to laugh and just goes "are you all okay"

nicky's is the first to recover and well... nicky... "ANDREW, WTF, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, WHY DIDN'T U TOLD US, WHAT ABOUT REENE, WHAT"

andrew ignores him and turns on the radio, neil lights a cigarette and they start talking in russian

aaron doesn't say a word

anyway, neils fly was a little late so they're the last ones at the stadium

so when they enter the lounge and andrew is waking with some scary dude (because yeah neil can be pretty and scary) and when they sit in the sofa with thights to shoulders touching everyone is like what the fucking hell

aaron and nicky find some other place to sit, neil does some remark and they start talking in russian and yeah they don't know if they should ignore or no

until dan breaks the spell by asking since when andrew speaking russian and andrew just look at her completely bored until neil answers her

after that wymack (which as always is so fucking done) asks if they have some more languages to show off or if they could start

they both deadpan "yes there is" but are ignored

anyway during the reunion some try to ask questions but wymack stops them and neil and andrew just glare at the person and that's enough to make they shut up

until Aaron makes some shitty remark about both of them in german and neil goes to protective mood and roast aaron in the same language

nicky has to stop aaron from punching Neil (and andrew won the bet he made with Stuart about someone trying to punch neil before neil punches someone

and again wymack is so done

and then they break the news about the ravens coming south

which andrew and neil already know because Hatfords

andrew is still pissed off at kevin

and then neils says (on purpose) something about the moriyamas and everyone is staring at him like????

and the he just smile a little >that smile< and says "you really don't remember me kevin"

he wasn't wearing contacts or anything like that so Kevin's recognizes him

it's caos

but i'm to tired to keep writing sorry

[presszl]

Hi! As someone who deals with lifelong chronic GI (gastro intestinal issues) and ive got some little tips for your trouble! (If you want, feel free to ignore if you want.)

1. Of course if you can, look into a doctor that specializes in gastro issues, bc a professional opinion is the best thing you can get. They may also point you in the direction of some over the counter meds that can really be life changing! Don't be afraid to get into detail, ya gotta say whats up.

2. Try to look for probiotic products, they'll help with digestion health!

3. Perhaps do get allergy testing, bc depending on your symptoms you might be allergic to something that you commonly consume.

4. Keep track of what you eat, if you have the attention span keep a record of what you eat and how it makes you feel after. This is how i figured out I'm sensitive to dairy, greasy foods, tomatoes and a handful of other odd specifics!

5. (This is a bit gross srry) but if your troubles lie especially in the in the lower intestines levels and functions, make sure you pay attention to the productions, and log that along with what you ate prior. If you have like, a Lot Of Blood, its not normal and you should get a doc's attention about what to do, for it could mean a lot and not a whole lot good. (As u can see im sidestepping a lot of words um. Again sorry. I know u dont want some anon talking abt the scary/ickyness bits)

6. For some reason i find bread sometimes agitates on bad days (other fam members can recite why but i can never remember why) so if you find yourself making a lot of sandwiches, maybe just roll the ham n cheese or whatev up in a little tube and consume it that way! Or do the bread for lettuce swap but ive heard a lot of recalls so maybe not-

7. If you want a more natural reliever for stomach issues, Ginger is your bestie. Tea, candies, get a product you can tolerate and keep it handy. If there is a ginger candy id reccomend, it would be Gin-Gin's, but specifically the hard candy kind. The flavor is somewhat strong but it's easy to get used to when your bod gets to know it helps (or u can just. Cronch) ginger is the main one i remember currently but research into what can alleviate naturally is worth it, cuz sometimes it's all you need on a decently troubled day!

8. Things like tums can also help, worse comes to worse take some ibuprofen with it too. Pain is best not endured is the motto.

Anyways, that's the advice i have! I hope it helps, pretty please take care and reach out to those that can support you! You deserve to lead as painless of an existence as possible. Gn! - 🦓

marry me right now 💍

YES omg so i am doing some of these things (seeing a GI again, taking ginger frequently (550 mg pills once a day)) but i know i need to get my ass in gear & start logging what i eat & stuff (a little late to do it ten days before my appointment but anything works i guess?)

i did not know that about bread or probiotic stuff and i've been curious about allergy testing for a little while now. i suspect red sauce might be troublesome?? but that's just because that's what i was told is troublesome so. idk LMAO. spicy food is obviously a no go, i will never eat spicy things again unfortunately

all in all your message is very appreciated!!! i have never gotten a thorough bullet list of tips like this before & tbh coming from an actual person it is more helpful than just rereading medical websites over & over and not knowing what's true or what's not u know. i am proposing right now

[oh-theatre]

OMG!! please share more on best friend Remus and Patton High school au I already love it!! (I love these two being best friends and don't see enough of it in the fandom)-sincerely someone who cares a lot

Yay yay yay!!!

Every morning they have this thing where they get coffee together. Whether it be meeting at the coffe shop or already by one another’s locker with a coffee in hand

They are at each others houses so often they practically live with one another

Remus learns your drive first so he will pick up Patton and they drive everywhere together

Patton lives alone with his dad and they love eachother but sometimes it’s really hard. He misses his papa a lot. Remus can and has found Patton just lying on his floor the next morning

Remus’s moms usually let him in and are like here’s a blanket, remus is upstairs, we love you night night

* sticking with my head canon that Patton is just the busiest and overworked! The boi is, surprise, on the cheerleading squad. He’s also student council President, 4.0 student, and club coordinator

* Remus tried to play football with his brother but grew tired of it, so Pat suggested he try acting or something more creative. So Remus is Vice President of the drama cabinet and also (with Pat) he runs a mental illness awareness club

* Patton is constantly forgetting stuff so Remus will just text him reminders. “Hey pickles, take your meds or your straight”

* Patton actually keeps track of Remus’s meds because it’s always been easier. He will make him a breakfast every morning and before class they’ll chill in front of their locker and just like do Hw or stuff

* Patton has had a crush on Logan for ages and Remus is the same with Dee.

* Logan once asked if Patton ever had feelings for Remus and Patton legit thought he was kidding so he just went “oh yeah definitely, I’m madly in love with him” and Logan was just like “oh” it took awhile to reassure Logan that no

* Remus comes to every football game, not just for Roman but to see Patton cheer. Then they go out for a late night meal at the local diner

* Patton once got made fun of for doing cheer and the next day Remus showed up in a cheer uniform and wore it the whole day

* They have some classes together and they goof off a lot. Like seeing who can speak in a different accent longest, and so on

* When they don’t have a class together they text eachother

* Patton uses an iPad as his notebook because it’s easier to organize everything and Remus knows that and will just spam him to see if he can get him in trouble

* Remus’s ocd can get really heightened when he gets stressed, and school becomes increasingly harder so Remus will text Patton and Pat will pull him out of class and just give him a break

They have lockers right next to eachother

patton can get super hyper and it can get like hard to deal with and almost hurt because he has to move ™ and Remus will just lead him through some acting exercises and just help him

* He’s also bought him so many fidget toys

* Remus forgets to do the self care so Patton will FaceTime him at any hour and watch him drink water and eat and then make sure he falls asleep before hanging up

* Remus’s pranks always do so well because Patton just lets them happen, Hes like idk miss principal i don’t know how the frogs escaped

* They’ll sit outside their lockers in the morning doing homework on their lawn chairs with a blanket spread over them

I HAVE MORE BUT I DONT WANNA ANNOY AAAA IM SORRY

[strawberries-n-sugar]

Okay, I found this blog and I found her request which I relate to so much constantly so I wanted to do it. Warnings, cussing, lots and lots of cussing and screaming and tears, maybe hint of really dark talk if you are triggered by that; I'm not sure how to describe it unless you actually read, reader has been mentally abused manipulated and taken advantage of her whole life and it takes tole, stress and exhaustion, mentally breaking, loathing life and your job, bitterness and hatred of people, a kind person growing tired and angry. Tom and reader's relationship is open for the reader to decide and please keep in mind whereas this has some realistic topics it is FANFICTION, not meant to offend or disrespect anyone

Can someone write me a fic, where the main character comes home pissed off at a coworker, stressed out. She's ready to beat her down and Tom Hiddleston calms her down @traceyaudette

You had gotten off of work well over an hour ago after getting off nearly two hours late. When you first got off you were fuming, still talking at 20 miles a minute and Tom could barely understand every third word that passed through your lips. He had tried to speak with you but that seemed like it wasn't going to happen so now he sat and let you blow off some steam and stress from work. At this point you had calmed down a bit, sort of, he could understand you now at least. What you were saying now sounded like English anyway. This was actually a normal thing, almost daily. He hated it for you to say the least.

"I am just so tired of being screamed at! Im tired! I am so so tired of everyone yelling at me! They won't stop yelling! I'm a fuck up, I get that but damn it I am trying so fucking hard and I am doing my best! I'm sorry I am not perfect! Im trying! Im trying! I know I'm not good enough because Im co stantly told, I always have been! Daddy told me! Teachers! Momma! Teachers! Principals! Friends! Boyfriends! Girlfriends! Now my managers and coworkers! I try my fucking damdest to be nice but sometimes I think I am too nice! The only person who ever thought I was good enough was my aunt and I know I have let her down by now! The bad part is I didn't know I was tired and fucked up until a few years ago! And now I cant stop it! I know I am being mistreated and manipulated now and I can't stop it because Im scared! I am only allowed to smile, grit my teeth, apologize and bare it! He will never put more on you than you can take?! Bullshit! Look at me! I'm fucked up and fucked in the head! I am suposed to be grown and-Im so tired! When I do try to defend myself I either get in trouble or don't get taken seriously and Im always told I have a choice but I don't! As soon as I make the wrong choice it bites me in the ass! With the situation now what I don't understand is that if I am so horrible then get someone else! Oh wait, they cant because noone else will take what I do and it is a job noone else wants to do and that is what I am there for! I just want to go to school so I can get out! I want to be happy!! I don't want to quit anymore, I just want to die!" You scream while sobbing and your pain and anguish are obvious. Often times when you got off like this you and Tom would argue and most of the time the worst bits of your breakdowns occured coincedsntally when he was awaya nd you were alone. He knew it was bad but he never imagined this and it broke his heart.

"One day! One day mark my fucking words, I'm gonna get pissed and Ill make somebody listen to me!" You declare and he pushes himself off of his seat, walking over to you. He takes your face in his hands and tries to wipe some of the tears as away. You choke on a lump in your throat causing a sputtered cough and you sniffle all while trying to catch your breath.

"Everybody expects me to smile and bare it and that's all I am able to do but one day Ima' get mad. I will burn it all down. I am about to press faces to fryers."

"Breathe," he coaxes you sensing you begin to start hyperventalating at the verge of an anxiety attack. You swallow again trying to stop crying and it is silent for several moments as he waits for you to try and pull yourself together the best that you can. He uses his thumb to dry your face. "I don't have any tissues handy," he smiles a little, trying to urge you to laugh and it works, "thats it, breathe," he coaches you.

When you are finally only sniffleing and wiping your own face he kisses your head and pulls it to his chest, holding it there with his arms around you. "Alright, here is what is going to happen. Do you need to have a appoinment to be put on your meds again, perhaps a higher dosage?" You shake your head no. "Alright, then do you want therapy?" You shrug honestly, part of you did but the part of you didn't want to be basically called crazy again. "Okay, then I will help you go to school and do all we need to do to get you out of that job," he kisses the top of your head. "Just hang on a bit longer," he rubs your back. You nod against his chest, his heartbeat soothing you as well as the embrace and the words.

"For the moment, you are off for the evening and there is only me and you. You don't have to deal with customers, or managers, or coworkers any more this evening so let's try to relax and you can enjoy yourself and then get some rest. I will get you a nice hot bath, and then we can curl up on the sofa and watch a film, and then I will take you to sleep when I see you are ready to go to bed. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," you smile and hug his waist.

He smiles and walks to draw the bath for you then walks you to the bathroom as he rubs your shoulders, "I'll make snacks and choose a movie," he leaves you to have alone time but leaves the door open. You soak for a bit and when you come out after slipping into some soft comfy warm clothes including your cat sweater and some pajama pants you come out to the kitchen with the sleeves pulled over your hand and your hand by your mouth feeling like a tired and exhasted child with blood shot eyes blown large and innocent.

He smiles at you and walks to the sofa with you, he sits with a arm over you, bringing your head to his lap. He had snacks set out on the table and he turned the movie on. You fall asleep about halfway through the movie and he carries you to bed, kissing your forehead goodnight

[nonbinaryresource]

hey im not sure if you'll be able to help with this but if you can id like some advice - I've been getting gender-related nightmares lately. they vary a lot, but its always me being one gender and wishing i was another. they're pretty bad and im really not sure what to do.

I’m so sorry to hear that! This sounds really not fun.

There are a couple things you can start working on to temper these dreams.

First, a short-term solution might be - if you’re able - to try different sleeping pills. Meds can react different for people, but some sleeping pills may just help lull you to sleep, while others may konk you out until morning. Melatonin is a good one if you have trouble getting to sleep and may be a gentler alternative to others. I also like a glass of barley tea before bed. Tastes good and does help me drift off to sleep. My mom uses drowsy Benadryl because it gets her to sleep fast and keeps her asleep most the night. Since Benadryl is an antihistimine, it actually blocks a neurotransmitter in your brain that leads to REM sleep, which means you’ll likely get less dreams - but you might also feel less well rested overall, as you’ll get more light sleep and less deep sleep as a result of not having any REM. But it might be worth it for you to take every once in a while. Tylenol PM is the one that basically just knocks me out until morning. I personally don’t like the feeling (I’ve compared it to a sudden coma striking me down - but I also don’t have a lot of nightmares), but I’ve suggested it to friends who were having PTSD nightmares before, and it konked them out good, too, and let them finally get some good night’s rest.

Long-term, what does your sleep hygiene look like? A big part of cutting out nightmares is implementing good sleep hygiene techniques. This means:

Going to bed on a schedule

Not exercising or eating right before bed (at least one hour between exercising and sleeping and 2 - 3 hours between eating and sleeping)

Exercising during the day/getting your body moving

Cutting out screentime 30 - 60 minutes before bedtime

Doing a relaxing activity before sleeping (a puzzle, reading - if you use an ereader only use it on nighttime mode, light stretching, self-massage, meditation, taking a hot bath or shower, journaling about your day)

Cutting out light in your bedroom while you sleep - a sleeping mask can be a quick and easy way to do this

Adding a gentle white sound machine or sound machine that produces relaxing nature/animal sounds and keeping it on throughout the night. A cheaper option could also just be to play some soothing (classical/instrumental would work) music overnight at a softer volume. The sound can not only help you get to sleep but can help you stay asleep, so they may help you stave off your nightmares as well

Lower the temperature in your room if you sleep with any blankets so you can stay a good temperature at night and not heat up too much

Try chamomile tea and/or lavender lotion to help you relax into sleep

I don’t know the science behind this one or how much stock to really put in it, but I have heard that wireless signals produce tones that we can’t outwardly hear but that can disturb our sleep, so it might be worth storing your wireless devices outside your room, if possible, while you sleep, and moving your router/modem if it’s stored in your room

As a final tie in to that list, it can help to stop and acknowledge the dream. Especially if you’re having trouble getting back to sleep, take a few minutes to actually physically write out your dream (keep a dream journal and a book light by your bed!). Then re-write the ending so it’s happier. This is hard when your bad dream is more psychological than physical in nature, but it could just be something as simple as re-ending the dream with, “And I realized that whatever I identify with at that moment is my gender, and I’m valid no matter what I look like or what anyone else says. I took power in validating myself and felt much more comfortable and confident.” Acknowledging the bad feelings brought up by a dream can help take away its power. It’s kind of like when you have a problem and you share it with your friend, and even though your friend couldn’t do anything to fix your problem, it feels better to have shared the weight and made it somehow lesser for yourself. And re-writing the ending to be happier can help you get a hold of the bad feelings and re-direct them to more peaceful ones, which can help you confront the nightmares in general as well as help you get back to sleep.

As well, a lot of nightmares are brought on by real life stressors - and it certainly sounds like yours could fall under this reason - so doing what you can to address these stresses during the day can also help temper the nightmares.

What are your long-term coping mechanisms for any negative gender-related feelings you experience? In the second part of this recent ask, I went over a whole lot of ways to mentally cope with any negative gender feelings or just stress brought on by questioning. I would suggest checking that out! Even if you’re not really struggling during the day, spending some time getting in touch with your feelings and fears and worries might help reveal something to you that you’ve been denying or reveal something is a larger issue for you than you’ve been saying.

Finally, one last thing you could look into trying is practicing lucid dreaming. Using lucid dreaming to confront nightmares may be something that’s more helpful with a therapist’s guidance, but it might be worth looking into on your own if that’s out of reach for you. I know a couple people who have practiced lucid dreaming on their own to at least moderate success. Lucid dreaming is already used in therapy to help treat recurring nightmares and PTSD.

Lucid dreaming is a form of dreaming where you are aware that you are dreaming and can therefore take control of the dream and what is happening to you. It can also help you regulate your emotions within a dream so the dream is less scary and powerful. It’s also a tool to let you re-visualize the path and end of the dream so you can cut out the bad stuff and end it in a way that you want it to end. At the very least, it gives you a more ‘physical’ way to confront the feelings in your dream. I put this one as a last suggestion because it can take a lot of practice to be able to lucid dream, much less do so effectively, and I would estimate it could be even longer-term than the other long-term solutions I have listed above.

I don’t dream much (or don’t remember my dreams, anyway), so I’ve never really given much thought myself into lucid dreaming, so I can’t suggest any particularly good places to start, but I do know when I was looking into a couple years ago, there was information on how to practice lucid dreaming pretty easily available on the internet.

I hope something here helps and you start getting some good nights of rest!

[gif of the drawn Chippy the dog, a small white dog with fluffy ears, laying on a blue pillow. In front of them is a picture frame facing them, labeled “Your picture”. Another arrow is pointing towards Chippy that says “Dreaming of you”, while above Chippy is a pink dream cloud that reads “Sweet Dreams”.]

~Pluto

[juliaburnsides-blog]

if anyone cares I’m in a rotten head space lately so sorry that I’ve been like Not great at communication life just seems v. Desolate rn

im super lonely and broke and I can’t find a job and I’ve been off my meds for like 8 months and I’m just super fucked up rn my depression is returning with a vengeance and it’s making writing and talking super hard

prolly won’t update growing pains for a few more days, I have plans tomorrow and today I’m doing some self care deep cleaning of my house :/

anyways I love you guys, thank u everyone whos been donating to my kofi and helping me out, + just like people who have been talking to me have kept me out of trouble so I’m really appreciative of u all and all the fandoms/communities I’m a part of u guys are one of the reasons I’m still around rn

[hdawg1995]

My Stardew Valley started flipping out cause i was playing it for 14 hours strait and it legit did some creepy pasta stuff so heres a creepy pasta

reality: somewhere around hour 10 Kent’s sprite only loaded half way (his eyes and up) or not at all. Willy was just a shadow- even when interacting with him. at one point he phased though Haley (and it was the only time his sprite was fully visible) side note: me and my sister declared willy a ghost because the fishing in my game was such lack luster. Gunther was probably the same since i never saw him at the museum but was still able to donate. lastly Alex glitched though a already glitched haley- she was on the beach even though her schedule wouldn’t have put her there. i wasn’t able to interact with her but a part of me wonders if i went to her house (where she was suppose to be) if i would see her shadow and would be able to interact with her there, but i was too far in a “yup. totaly writing a creepy pasta about this now” mood.

The Creepy pasta:

i really don’t know what to say now other than everyone was right- a game about a fun little town in a sleepy valley being secretly evil? yeah, its true. 

i was playing Stardew Valley one day with my sister- i had woken up in a sour mood and i wanted to cheer myself up. at one point she came by and hung out with me, watching me play on my farm and the normal day to day antics with the pelican town NPCs. we were laying on my bed since it was the only place comfortable enough to play on the laptop for hours on end.

i lost track of time. everything felt too real, like i was getting lost in the game. this is normal, but i knew there was something wrong when it took my sister kicking me in the head snap me out of it.

“oh my god i’m so sorry! i meant to nudge you!” she declared and it was fine, really, but when i glanced back at the screen Harvey was talking to me. i don’t even remember interacting with him- must have clicked him when i get hit in the head. it seemed normal enough; he was mentioning he was having trouble making ends meet so he’ll have to get patients from somewhere else. 

i went back to playing as we chatted about nothing when something struck me.

“hey...” i asked my sister as i paused the game. “Doesn’t harvey normally say he’ll find patients from the nearby towns?” she blinked a few times at me then silently checked the wiki.

there wasn’t an answer there, so we shrugged it off. wouldn’t be the first time NPCs change their dialog. Sebastian mentions that me and sam are his only friends after so many hearts.

speaking of which, i wanted to give him a present today. i had forgotten the quarts at the farm so i rounded back, heading past Sam’s house. i got lost in the game again- it was like the only thing i could hear was the game, the only thing i could feel was the cobble stone under my feet but that wasn’t right- i was in bed.

when i walked by Sam’s house Kent walked out. i smiled and talked to him only... His sprite wasn’t there in the dialog box. his text was also jumbled and didn’t make sense. the prompt to continue the conversation came up and when i clicked it the text was less garbled but Kent’s image was just his eyes. he said “I’ll watch out for you”. 

i snapped out of it at that. i looked over at my sister to ask her if that was normal (it wasn’t) but she seemed so transfixed on the screen it was my turn to snap her out of it. i smacked her on the head and she flinched but seemed alright.

“sorry, i meant to nudge you.” i joked, but she didn’t seem to hear me. “I thought Kent came back from war?” she questioned and i tilted my head. “Umm. yeah he does, in year two...” i turned back to the screen and Kent was gone.

“You were just talking to Sam- he said his dad died?” 

we both stared at each other before taking out our phones to chick the wiki. sure enough it says Kent returns in year two- alive.

we decide my games glitched and i keep playing while my sister makes a bug report. it took me far too long to realize dialog nor included in the game showing up out of no where- and for only ONE person for that matter- was anything BUT a bug. by the time i got to the farm and had gotten the quarts for Sebastian the report had been sent and my thoughts died in my throat. 

a few in game days later i realize Harvey has been acting weird; hes been following Haley around. i don’t pay much attention to the doctor (Sam, Sebastian, and Shane being my favorites i tended to look out for them, not so much HAley or Harvey) but i didn’t think they shared a pattern at all.

i brushed it off and decided to head down to the beach. Alex’s cut scene triggered so i say back and watched. it seemed normal until his sprite changed to the surprised looking one.

“Did you hear a scream just now?”

>no? what scream? >.... >yeah! it sounded like Haley!

my sister swore and looked up the wiki again. con confirm: not part of the cut scene. i thought for a moment and decided that no, i didn’t hear anything (but i really hadn’t). Alex seemed worried and went to investigate. the scene ended but Ale wasn’t on the beach anymore. i was really starting to freak out and debated turning off the game. before i could exit to the desktop i got lost in the game again- the fishing mini game is the devil but i mastered it none the less. i didn’t even remember casting my rod. 

it was getting late so i headed home. Harvey was standing on the bridge to the beach. i didn’t talk to him since it was mid night. i needed to get home.

when i woke up it all seemed normal. i decided to take the fish i got last night and sell them to willy. i wasnt sure how to get the fishing scene in the valley more lively like he’ll some times says so i figured if i sold the fish directly to him it would help. when i went down to the beach i saw haley but she wouldn’t talk to me. she stared out at the ocean, her dialog box just dots. her expression sad.

when i went to see willy he wasn’t there. at first i thought i was at the dock at the wrong time, but something cold pressed against my arm and i snapped up out of the game and looked at my sister- she was holding the Gatorade she had gotten earlier to my arm.

“you were ignoring me again. Sib i think somethings seriously wrong with your game”.

i agreed but i couldn’t stop playing. i explained this and she got worried, fiddling with her phone again.

i can’t stop playing. i have to keep playing. 

“hey” she got my attention. “theres this stardew turmblr account -joja apologist. they have a farmer whos a demon.”

“cool.” i kept playing. i should give Sam a present. “No listen they’re making posts about their stardew game acting weird.”

i tried to turn to face her but thats all i did- face her. my eyes were locked on the screen as Kent walked by. i went to talk to him again and the same thing happened- jumbled words and no sprite and then just his eyes and the declaration that he’ll watch out for me.

“They did Harvey started attacking people so they would HAVE to go to him for meds and stuff.” she sounded worried so i hummed in reply. 

then i remembered Alex’s broken cut scene.

“Haley!” i scrambled over to her house and found a cut scene waiting for me. in it Harvey was telling Emily something. my farmer walks up to them and Harvey greets me, but his portrait is distorted some- he has wide eyes and a grin that seems to reach his ears. he asks me to try and comfort Emily- she just lost her sister.

I felt sick at the thought; this was wrong. very very wrong.

<But i saw her the other day. <no... no not Haley.... <*give Emily a hug*

My sister stared dumbfounded at the screen. i asked her if that tumblr blog saw anything like this and she begins scrolling. as im watching her i’m faintly aware of a sound... like dripping or maybe clicking? i glance at the screen and scream, shooting up and off my bed as Harvey’s portrait changed to have hyper realistic eyes and teeth. the eyes were blood shot and seemed to follow me and my sister as we shifted on the bed to get away from the laptop.

“w-what the FUCK” she yelled. i clung to her protectively, thoroughly convinced his digital doctor was off his possibly very real rocker and could possibly do something to us.

the mouse moved on its own now. it selected to give Emily a hug and the farmer did just that. the cut scene went on, Harvey’s portrait no longer the disturbing version (well it was still disturbing with the wide eyes and chestier grin but at least now it was pixels again). he said he did all he could for Haley and that he was sorry. he then left my farmer and Emily alone.

“Turn it off.” my sister stated as we continued to stare at the screen. “Turn it off.” I nodded numbly and didn’t even both with the proper exit and just held the power button down. 

only it didn’t work.

i held it down for what felt like forever but the laptop was still alive- and it was midnight again.

“Oh fuck no...” She whispered and i scrambled to get my farmer home. when the day ended and the game saved and felt a lump form in my throat. what if Haley is forever dead in my save now? and what about willy? and...

“Wait wheres Alex?” i muttered as i went to town. i bumped into pam and in my frantic scrambling clicked her. to my horror she looked scared. “Did you hear? Alex nearly drowned at the beach! to think, wouldn’t a guy as athletic as him know how to swim?” she then went on her way. i paused for a moment directed my farmer to town again. Alex walked out of the clinic and when i talked to him he seemed fine. gave the normal dialog too.

“Why the hell are you still playing?” My sister shouted from behind me- i didn’t even notice I've scooted directly in front of the laptop, blocking her view. “I thought you were going to exit the game.”

thats right. yeah. turn it off. right.

then Harvey walked out. his sprite was normal but it felt like it was watching me. curious, i moved my farmer down towards Sam’s house. to my horror Harvey was following me.

“Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!” my sister grabbed me and shook me hard. “Holy Shit turn it off! turn it off!”

i stopped my farmer and opened the menu and screamed when i saw Harvy moving towards him even when the game was paused. i unpaused it in time for him to be stopped right next to my innocent little farmer. i kept moving towards Sam’s house.

“Holy shit...” my sister whispered. i told her to check the blog and she did.  “What are you going to do?” she asked, her eyes transfixed on her phone.

“Kent is watching out for me.” i reminded her as i entered Sam’s house.

as i expected, there was a cut scene. in it Sam was playing his guitar and Vincent was in the kitchen. Kent walked out and when he saw my farmer he ran over.

“Hes after you now, isn’t he?” he two eyes of the veteran with PTSD looked though the screen at us. i nodded. “Talk to Sam. you have enough hearts with him.” and he was gone, cut scene over.

i looked over and my sister and she nodded, confirming that the blog said something simular- they were instructed to talk to Gus though. i ran strait to Sam’s room and the door opened then closed behind it. Sam stopped playing his guitar and walked over to my farmer.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” he said. Sebastian stopped playing the key boards and walked over to my farmer as well. i didn’t even notice Sebastian in the cut scene.

“Thats because i wasn’t there.” his dialog box popped up. “Harvey thinks i’m at home.”

both me and my sister just stared at the screen. Sebastian... heard me? we didn’t have much time to think about it as the sound of a crash and something hitting something very hard was heard. My farmer moved on his own with Sam and Seb following him.

outside of Sam’s house was Harvey- the creepy hyper real version- and Kent. Harvey was crawling away and Kent looked like he had just been to war again. when Harvey's sprite was off screen Seb and Sam gave my farmer a hug before they turned to face the screen. Kent joined them, his portrait going back to normal.

“You can close the game now.” he said. “S-Save it first!” Sam interrupted. “If you don’t he’ll chase you again!”

my sister had taken the mouse from me and was directing the farmer back to the farm. we saved and closed the game.

[interpretiveessayexample512]

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[lusilly]

out of the woods

I realized I’ve never actually written Damian and Iris’s first kiss, so :)

this is all in canon with Earth-28

           “What travels all around the world, but always stays in the corner?”

           “A stamp.”

           “The poor have me. The rich need me. What am I?”

           “Nothing.”

           “What, if you put it in a barrel, will make the barrel lighter?”

           Damian hesitated, then frowned. “A – lower caliber bullet?” His father cocked an eyebrow, and the penny dropped. “Oh,” he said. “Not that kind of barrel. A hole.”

           “Forward,” began Bruce, “I am heavy. Backwards, I am not. What am I?”

           “A ton,” said Damian.

           “What kind of flowers grow on your face?”

           “Tulips,” Damian said, “but that one’s dumb.”

           “You have one match,” Bruce instructed him, tone very serious. “You enter a room in which there is a kerosene lamp, an oil burner, and a wood burning stove. Which do you light first?”

           “The match,” answered Damian.

           At this, Bruce finally gave an approving nod. He typed something in the computer, apparently distracted, as Damian finished tugging on his gloves. “A man is found dead on the beach next to a rock,” said Bruce; Damian turned to watch his father, listening. “The rock was the cause of death, but never physically touched him. How did he die?”

           “He’s Superman,” said Damian, without skipping a beat. “The rock is Kryptonite. Which is actually carcinogenic to any creature, but I suppose for the sake of the riddle it has to be someone who’d die of Kryptonite exposure relatively quickly.”

           “Good,” Bruce said, without turning from the screen. “How far can you run into the woods?”

           There was a moment’s pause. Damian blinked at his father. “Is that it?” he asked.

           “That’s it,” Bruce replied. “How far can you run into the woods?”

           Damian took a long breath, considering this. His brow was knit in concentration. “The entire way through?”

           “No.”

           “As far as you can?”

           “No.”

           “As far as I can?”

           “No.”

           There was another short silence as Damian wracked his brain. “Is this one of those, when are the woods not the woods? sort of riddles?

           “No,” answered Bruce. “It’s very straightforward.”

           “How far can you run into the woods?”

           Bruce nodded. “How far can you run into the woods.”

           Damian made a noise. “Hm. Can I think on it?”

           Resuming his usual work on the computer, Bruce said, “Though that isn’t usually protocol in the field, I know you’re running late, so I’ll excuse you just this once.”

           Pressing his domino mask across his face, Damian headed down the steps from the computer hub down to the garage below. “Thanks,” he called. “I’ll have it figured out by the time I get back on Monday.”

           Raising his voice to be heard as Damian headed away from him, Bruce called, “I thought we agreed Sunday night?”

           “Alfred said Monday was fine if I checked in.”

           Begrudgingly, Bruce stopped himself from protesting this. He’d have a conversation with Alfred later. “Be careful,” he called, as a small light on his computer screen informed him Damian was getting into the personal jet. “Have fun.”

           The comm inside the jet’s cockpit picked up Damian’s reply, playing it directly out of the computer speakers. “How far can you run into the woods?” he repeated, apparently ignoring his father’s farewell. “Suppose I’ll have to find out, hm?”

           The engine roared. A few minutes later, Damian was gone. Bruce sat alone in the empty cave. It was good that Damian was gone more often, spending more time with the Titans, but it also had the odd effect of making the Cave and the Manor itself feel bigger, emptier. Lonelier.

           On the flight to Titans Tower, Damian checked in with the rest of his team.

            “What do you mean you’re not coming?” he demanded.

           Lian Harper let out a frustrated sigh. “I mean I’m not coming, I have a family thing.”

           “Is it a mission?”

           “No, it’s not a mission, it’s a family thing.”

           “What kind of-?”

           “Oh, right,” said Lian, cutting him off, “I’m sorry Robin, I forgot all of your meaningful familial engagements are missions, my bad.”

           This was true enough that Damian didn’t feel particularly cut by it, so he just began cautiously, “Arsenal, I thought we were doing training this weekend.”

           “It’s not like I’m stopping you. You know you can actually train without me, right?” Then she added, “And without Sin either, she happens to be in my family so she’s also gotta go to the family thing.”

           “You and Sin are our best hand-to-hand combatants. What am I supposed to do without either of you to spar against?”

           “Go toe-to-toe with a Kryptonian? Wait, take a video, I want to see Superboy beating the hell out of you.”

           Chris wasn’t coming this weekend either, which Damian knew because Superman had reached out to his father to let him know that he would be taking some time off for what Damian’s father had called medical leave, but that didn’t sound right to Damian. He knew that Chris had been having some trouble adapting to working in a group, and suspected that maybe he needed some time to decompress, or something. There was something a little off about Chris which Damian couldn’t quite figure out yet, but Chris was surprisingly bad at leadership for being the son of Superman, and awfully quiet in a crowd, and even had difficulty maintaining eye contact for too long. Though Damian didn’t want to pry – he hated the idea of the others noticing his own problems and trying to piece together the illness that haunted him –he was also terribly curious.

           Either way, Damian didn’t mention anything about Chris to Lian. Instead he just ended the call, then hesitated, then opened another line on his commlink.

           “GL,” he said. There was nothing. “Green Lantern, come in.”

           A couple minutes later, he received a text on his encrypted personal phone. Cant pick up Im in civvies.

           He texted her back. Are you coming this weekend?

           No I cant, read her reply, not much later. Its my quince

           Damian didn’t know what quince meant other than fifteen in Spanish, so he didn’t reply. Instead he thought briefly of trying to get a hold of Maxy, but her parents didn’t allow her to spend the night on her own yet anyway, so that seemed kind of pointless.

           Jai West also rarely spend the night at Titans Tower, but he was the only other person left that Damian could think of, and he was starting to feel a little desperate.

           “Jai,” he said at once, when the line picked up. “How are you?”

           On the other end, Jai sounded confused. “Robin? Why are you calling me?”

           Tactful as ever. “I thought we were meeting at the Tower this weekend, but it seems things will be awfully quiet. I was wondering if you planned on coming?”

           “Um, no. I have to do homework.”

           “And you couldn’t do it at the Tower?”

           “Not really, because usually you guys all have to rush out at once to do a mission or something, and I’m not a big fan of the way the giant T-shaped tower is basically a supervillain magnet.”

           This was more or less fair. “Well, I’ll be there if you do decide to stop by.”

           “OK,” said Jai. “I think Irey’s already there anyway, so I don’t really have a ride.”

           Something dropped into the pit of Damian’s stomach. “I see,” he said. “Well, let me know if you’d like to come. I can always pick you up.”

           “Okey-doke. Hey, maybe next weekend.”

           “Maybe next weekend,” Damian agreed. “Goodnight, then.”

           “’Bye, Robin.”

           The jet continued to race through the sky, chasing the setting sun. Below him, he could see a great rolling forest splayed across the landscape. How far can you run into the woods? As far as you could walk, just faster?

           He slowed his pace as he reached Titans Tower, circling three times, then landing beneath the Bay. Maybe he wouldn’t stay the entire weekend; but then again, the earlier he left, the sooner he’d have to come up with the answer to his father’s riddle. It seemed frustratingly impossible at the moment, but perhaps the frustration was mostly just a redirection from something else.

           So he exited the jet and headed up into the Tower itself with a heavy, roiling feeling in his stomach, nervous and unwell.

           Recently, for what was the fifth time since he’d started taking medication, he’d had a change in dosage; after a month or so on his previous meds, his anxiety had gotten so bad he’d barely been able to spend time with the Titans at all, even though he had categorically refused to admit this to his father. But biweekly appointments with a therapist meant that these things were caught earlier rather than later, and now here he was, trying a different cocktail of medication to see if the side effects would be more tolerable this time.

           Damian felt like a living economics experiment, an exercise in pareto efficiency: what was the optimal combination to make the symptoms of his OCD better off without making at least one other side effect worse off? At least in economics one could always solve dilemmas like these with a charts and tables and numbers. Nothing was that uncomplex for Damian.

           But at least the anxiety in the pit of his stomach wasn’t paralyzing as he headed up to the main level of the Tower. The big television, which took up nearly an entire wall, was on when Damian stepped out of the elevator.

           A girl popped her head over the couch. “Robin!” she said, sounding a little surprised. “I didn’t know if you were coming!” She laughed, leaning over the back of the couch. “I kind of thought I’d have the Tower to myself tonight. But this is cool, that’d be boring anyway.”

           Damian stood awkwardly by the elevator. “Impulse,” he said. She was not wearing her uniform, and her curly hair was big and surrounded her head like a halo, instead of in her usual braids. He suddenly felt very stupid, standing there in his full uniform and mask. “I…didn’t realize you were here already.”

           This was a lie, but his mouth was suddenly dry and he had to come up with something to say to avoid sounding stupid. Iris just grinned at him.

           She pointed back at the TV screen. “You want to watch?” she asked. “It’s kind of boring, but Lian got me addicted.”

           “I have some training to do,” Damian blurted out.

           “Oh,” she said. “OK. Well, I’ll be here.”

           There was a momentary pause. Iris didn’t turn away, just watched him expectantly. “I…suppose I could put it off a little,” he said, finally. She beamed at him, her face lighting up. “Watching television doesn’t appear to require the uniform, though,” he added. “I’ll go change.”

           “It’s OK,” said Iris quickly. “I like the costume! It’s nice.”

           If she, too, blushed, Damian didn’t catch it. While he tried furiously not to look her in the eye, she let out a little laugh. In the blink of an eye, she appeared before him, running so fast it could’ve been teleportation.

           Without hesitating, she reached out and gently peeled at the corner of his domino mask, tugging it off his skin. Despite himself, he let her.

           “You’re good,” she told him, crossing her arms as if appraising him like a piece of art. “It’s weird when you leave the mask on, but I don’t mind everything else if you don’t mind it.”

           She was very close to him. He reached out and snatched his mask back from her, then rubbed at his left eye, then caught himself and stopped. “Maybe I do mind.”

           “Maybe you don’t,” she countered.

           She flickered again, then reappeared at the couch. “Come watch with me?” she asked, glancing back at him from over the couch’s back.

           He hesitated another moment, then he let out a long breath and set aside his mask. He took off his cape, then his gloves, then his boots, and then he joined Iris on the couch. He sat at the opposite side, transparently as far away from her as possible.

           “What is this?” he asked, watching the screen.

           “Kay-you-double-you-tee-kay,” Iris replied. When he glanced at her, she grinned at him and then clarified, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Do you know the Kardashians? I feel like your dad’s famous enough that odds are good you’ve run into them at some point.”

           Damian looked back towards the screen. “I don’t know the Kardashians,” he said, watching whatever reality TV drama was going down. “I don’t even know who they are.”

           “Consider yourself lucky,” Iris told him, throwing a nice embroidered pillow at him. “They’re really annoying.”

           “Why do you watch the show, then?”

           She shrugged. “Guilty pleasure.”

           They sat in silence for a while, watching TV. Iris was also on her phone, scrolling through something, playing a game; she could never focus on one thing for too long. Damian, on the other hand, found the show somewhat riveting, but couldn’t really get into it because he was acutely aware of the fact that Iris was sitting a mere few feet away from him.

           An episode and a half passed. Damian glanced at Iris. She was typing something into her phone, probably texting someone. There was a smile on her face.

           He rubbed at his eye, then stopped it. “I talked to your brother,” he said, all of the sudden. “He said he had homework to finish, or something?”

           Iris glanced up. “Oh, yeah,” she said. “My mom’s been sort of training him on xenophysics lately. It’s cool.”

           “Just him? Not you?”

           With a smile that was almost apologetic, Iris explained, “I kind of got bored after she explained it the first time. He’s learning all the numbers and stuff, I don’t really need that.”

           “Why not?”

           She looked back to her phone. “’Cause I get it already,” she said mildly. “Most people need math and stuff to understand things like that, so they can kind of work it out step by step. When you’re as fast as I am it’s like explanations like that are moving in slow motion. I get it. I don’t need to go backwards.”

           Damian found this fascinating. He watched her, a gentle frown on his face. “So you don’t need to understand the equation,” he began, thoughtfully, “if you already understand the answer.”

           At this, she looked up, and actually lowered her phone to her lap. “Yeah,” she said. “Basically.”

           He nodded. “I can relate. My friend Colin, he’s our age,” he remembered Iris’s weird rapid-aging phenomenon and corrected, “my age – I’ve been tutoring him in chemistry. It’s basic stuff but sometimes it gets very difficult to explain, because it’s like,” he paused, searching for the right way to express this, “it’s like – there, that is the answer, obviously, but then he asks how I got there and I can’t really tell him.”

           Iris’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!” she said, nodding. “Exactly! Like, I don’t know how I know that but I just know it.”

           There was an awkward sort of silence. On the TV, Kim gave a tearful confession. Damian asked, casually, “So you don’t have any homework to take care of while you’re here?”

           “No,” answered Iris, shaking her head. “I have a couple assignments but I can do them on Sunday. How ‘bout you?”

           “I have an assignment too,” Damian said, thinking of the riddle. “But I don’t need to get it done right away.”

           Iris cocked an eyebrow at him. “Do you go to school?”

           “No,” he said. “Homeschooled. You?”

           She shook her head. “Same. I was in middle school with Jai for a little bit but I couldn’t make it through classes. Too boring.”

           Damian, who had never been in a traditional classroom and therefore couldn’t relate, just sort of nodded at this. The TV show droned on before them, but it was quickly growing old, so Damian offered, “Would you like to…go over some case files? Maybe we can identify our next mission before it falls into our lap.”

           Iris looked at him brightly. “That could be fun,” he said. “Everyone else might want a say, though.”

           Damian shrugged. “They’re not here,” he said simply.

           For a second, she just watched him with something almost like suspicion in her eyes. Then a smile stole across her lips. “I guess so,” she said. “C’mon.” She was instantly on her feet, across the room, at the door. “Let’s go.”

           When she began heading down towards the computer hub, Damian instead took her by the hand and pulled her in another direction. As soon as he realized what he was doing, heat rose suddenly to his face and he let go of her; embarrassed, he did not glance around to see her face. If he had, he might’ve seen she was smiling.

           “My, uh,” he cleared his throat, “database on the computer downstairs is better. It’s got all of Batman’s files, so it’s more detailed.”

           “All of Batman’s files?” asked Iris. If she was faking impressed, Damian couldn’t tell. “Wow.”

           They went downstairs, to where Damian had an entire floor of the Tower to himself. Milagro liked to make fun of him for it, but he needed the room for his own tech and uniform and computer and also for his personal space.

           There was only one seat before his massive computer downstairs, itself a smaller version of the Batcomputer in the Cave. He insisted that Iris take it, then giggled at him. “What a gentleman,” she said, amused. “You can always sit on my lap if you get tired of standing.”

           He fought the blush rising to his cheeks.

           Together they scrolled through the list of active cases, focusing in their particular area. “Looks like Green Arrow and the rest of his team take care of the worst missions up here,” said Damian, gesturing to a swath of dots on the map which represented completed missions. “That must be what they’re doing this weekend.”

           “This weekend?” echoed Iris doubtfully. “I don’t think GA’s taking any missions this weekend.”

           Damian raised an eyebrow at her. “I heard otherwise from Arsenal.”

           Iris blinked at him, then she took her phone out of her pocket, scrolling through her texts. “Hold on,” she said. “I swore Lian said she was doing that marathon thing tomorrow.”

           “Marathon?” echoed Damian, leaning over Iris’s shoulder, looking at her phone. There were an awful lot of heart emojis in her texts to Lian. “What marathon?”

           “The AIDS one,” she said, then, triumphantly, she turned her phone around to show him the screen. “Yeah, the Star City AIDS Walk. Her family does it every year.”

           Frowning at the phone, Damian reached out instinctually to take it – Iris pulled it away sharply, grinning at him. “AIDS Walk?” he asked, confused. “Why would they do that?”

           “Um,” began Iris, “because it’s a charity and the Queen family are like the biggest philanthropists this side of Gotham City, obviously.” She poked him in the side then added, “You’re telling me your dad doesn’t do marathons for charity?”

           “No,” answered Damian honestly. “No marathons or triathlons.”

           The light of the computer screen lit up Iris’s face harshly as she gave him a confused look. “That’s…really specific?”

           “In my family,” Damian explained, “we’re not supposed to do anything which might publicly draw attention to our…” he paused, searching for the right words, “atypical level of physical fitness.”

           “What?” asked Iris, scandalized. “The public isn’t even allowed to know you’re hot?”

           Despite himself, a smile tugged its way onto Damian’s lips. He leaned against the computer panel. “I’m afraid not,” he told her, almost ruefully. “So, if you could keep that between us…”

           She laughed at him. Something glinted in her eyes and though Damian could not quite identify what it was, he liked it. A lot.

           “Between us,” she echoed, watching him. “Sounds like a nice place.”

           There was a short, loaded silence.

           Then, before Damian could blink, she disappeared. A moment later she was back, this time sitting before the couch, laying a deck of cards down on a low coffee table before it. Without glancing up at him, she called, “You wanna play a game?”

           He went around to the other side of the coffee table, then lowered himself to the ground. “Poker?”

           “I was thinking Go Fish,” she replied, shuffling the deck.

           “Go what?”

           Iris stopped short and looked up at him. For a second she said nothing, then she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward across the table. Disbelievingly, she asked, “You don’t know what Go Fish is?”

           “No,” he answered, truthfully. “Should I?”

           A look of concern on her face, she watched him for a second. Then she asked, “How about War?”

           “About what?”

           “Rummy?”

           He shook his head. “I know Solitaire,” he offered.

           “What about Bullshit?” she asked him, with narrowed eyes. “Have you ever heard of that?”

           This made him hesitate. “I mean – the term generally? Because if so then yes.”

           “It’s a game,” she said, then she started the split the cards between them. “I’ll teach you.”

           She did teach him; it was a fun game, if only because Damian appeared to be so calm and cool all the time that Iris started calling bullshit on every set of cards he laid down, so it didn’t take long for him to win. They played again. This time Iris called every one of his hands correctly, while he was only right about half of hers. She won.

           Once the game was over, he asked her admiringly, “How did you do that? You can’t possibly have decoded my mannerisms that quickly.”

           She grinned at him. So fast she seemed not to move at all, she collected every one of the cards – including those in his hand – and stacked them in a neat pile on the table.

           “I cheated,” she said.

           They got bored of card games quickly, and after poking through some potential missions they got bored of that too. Iris asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, and he said yes even though he didn’t really want to. She made some popcorn as he scrolled through Netflix. “We should get a pizza,” she called, standing at the microwave waiting for the popcorn. “No! Some Chinese food. I can just run out and get it, they don’t need to deliver it all the way here. Actually,” she said thoughtfully, tapping her chin, “I could go run out and get any food. What do you feel like, Robin?” she asked him. “Chicken nuggets?”

           “You can call me Damian,” he called in reply.

           She stopped, looking at him.

           He glanced back at her, then he gestured around them. “There’s nobody here,” he said. “You don’t need to call me Robin. We’re not in uniform.”

           “You are,” she pointed out.

           He pointed to his face, the missing mask. “Not in full uniform, anyway.”

           There was a beat of silence. Then she asked, “No on the chicken nuggets?”

           As he took a seat on the couch, he told her, “I don’t eat meat. But you should get some if you want some.”

           “No meat?” The microwave beeped. She took it out of the microwave and dumped it into a bowl, then went over to the couch. Without hesitation, she sat right next to Damian, close enough that the side of their legs touched. “Maybe pizza then,” she said, matter-of-factly. “But maybe later.”

           She offered him the bowl of popcorn. He was extremely uncomfortable, and his stomach kind of hurt, so he declined.

           When Damian started to play the movie he’d chosen, Iris let out a whine. “Really?” she asked. “A black-and-white movie? How old is this?”

           Indignantly, Damian replied, “It’s a classic!” which he only knew because he’d found it under the Classics section on Netflix.

           “It’s boring.” Iris threw a handful of popcorn into her mouth. “I’m gonna fall asleep.”

           Something was screaming inside Damian’s head, but he tried to ignore it. He summoned up all the courage in his little fifteen-year-old body, the kind of courage that allowed him to jump off buildings and bridges and face goons with automatic weapons without blinking – and he moved his arm up, and he slid it around Iris’s shoulders.

           Without looking away from the TV screen, he murmured, “That’d be OK.”

           There was a tense second, and then Iris sort of settled against his arm. She held the bowl of popcorn in her lap and tried to lean her head against his shoulder but she was a little too tall; so she scooted down in her seat a little, and tried again. This time it worked.

           The whole movie Damian’s pulse was elevated, which he wondered if she could feel. It was a weird feeling, a sort of buzzing in his head and a simultaneous sort of quiet, a focus, something that he really really liked despite the fact that it made him feel really uncomfortable.

            She finished the popcorn, then put the bowl aside. “Damian,” she said, for the very first time, tasting the name in her mouth. It didn’t feel right, didn’t suit him the way Robin did.

           He glanced at her. She lifted her hand and with two fingers turned his face towards her so she could see him better. Her eyes roved across his face, searching through his gaze and his sharp brow and down to the gentle curve of his nose and the width of his mouth. She liked him better without the mask, she decided. She liked seeing his eyes, as dark a brown as her own.

           While she looked at him, he clenched his jaw. His brain felt like it was short-circuiting a little bit: he couldn’t think of anything to say.

           Something popped up spontaneously, something he’d been turning over and over in his mind again and again, repetitively, obsessively, since leaving home earlier that evening. It spilled from his mouth before he could think about it, before he could consider if it made any sense or if it didn’t fit the moment or if it was going to interrupt whatever was happening right now.

           It came out just as Iris leaned in, like a physical block between their faces, because if what Damian thought was happening was actually happening he wasn’t sure if he could do it without something bad happening, though he didn’t know what. The nebulousness of the thought scared him, the uncertainty principle, the potential chaotic motion of the double rod pendulum of himself.

           “Iris,” he said, arresting the moment; in surprise and a little bit of shock at hearing him use her name for the first time, she stopped. He let out a silent but shaky breath. “How far,” he asked, “can you run into the woods?”

           She stared at him.

           Unhelpfully, he clarified, “It’s – a riddle.”

           She didn’t say, “Oh,” or make any other indication of confusion. She just looked at him thoughtfully, then away from him for a moment. Then she met his gaze once more, and she smiled

           “Halfway,” she answered. He stared at her, his brow knit. “You can only run halfway in,” she explained, “then you start running out.”

           She grinned. Before them, the black-and-white movie continued to play, a rush of music rising to crescendo as the characters onscreen shared their first kiss.

[leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid]

That’s Not Fine

Pairing: Dean x Reader; Charlie Bradbury, and ofc Seraphina

Word Count: 3228

Warnings: Symptoms of Bipolar 2 disorder, depression, hypomania, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, negative self image and thoughts. If any of this is triggering or possibly triggering Please Do Not Read!!!!

Author’s Note: Written for the Mental Health Awareness Challenge hosted by @letsgetoutalive. This is an AU where Dean is not a hunter but he is the reader’s husband. The reader has Bipolar 2 disorder and she is me. This story is based on true events that happened over the summer between myself and several others. They know who they are and I hope this gives them a little peak at what was going on in my head at the time. I can never apologize enough and to some I can’t apologize at all for the things I did while having an episode, and its completely inexcusable. Things are different now and if you feel like things are getting out of control or those around you keep saying, get help, please seek treatment. No one deserves to deal with a disorder like this without help. It’s awful for everyone involved. My birthday gift to myself today is truth, to lay myself out for you all to see. My name is Sundae, I’m bipolar, and this is my story. Italics are inner thoughts, Bold italics are IM messages.

There it was again, that thought, the nagging, constient voice whispering in your ear. ‘They hate you. You pissed them off. They just put up with you and your crap because they feel bad for you. You have to make it up to them, fix it. Fix it. Fix it!’ That little voice was back and it was getting louder and louder everyday.

“Hey babe, you okay?” you husband Dean sat down next to you on the bed, wonder in his beautiful green eyes.

You looked up from your laptop screen, putting a fake half smile on your face as you nodded. “Yep, all good. Was just messaging Charlie back.”

“Oh, tell her I said hi and I’m gonna get dinner going. Thought I’d let you know since I know you are trying to write in here.”

“Yeah, not much writing going on today but alright. Let me know when it’s ready. Love you.”

Dean leaned closer, “Love you too.” his pink plush lips brush over yours before he jumps up and walks out of the room.

Your eyes went back to your screen, the message to Charlie still sitting unsent in the IM window. ‘It’s just I feel like I’m bothering you all the time and I don’t want to do that. I never want to do that to you because I love you. You are one of my best friends and if I’m too much to handle you are welcome to drop me out of your life.’ You reread that message three times before letting your fingers fly over the keys again. ‘I completely understand and I encourage you to distance yourself from me. It would be a lot better if you did.’ Sent.

There it was finally, in black and white, and you hoped when Charlie read the message she would see it was for the best for her to walk away from her friendship with you. You’d always told her that you were trouble. That being friends meant that she would be dealing with a crazy person and she had laughed it off thinking it was just a joke. It wasn’t and now you waited for when she’d read the message and get back to you.

Clicking over into another tab sat the unfinished story you had been working on. A challenge a friend had given you that when you said you’d do it had inspired so many things. A rockstar falling in love and getting addicted to heroin, using with her bass player/boyfriend, the highs and lows of stardom making them chase that high higher and higher until they couldn’t chase it anymore. You’d planned it out, knew what was going to happen, but here you sat staring at just the first few paragraphs, all energy to write it gone.

“Come on Y/N, you can write this.” you whispered to yourself. You’d been writing for years, the last year of which had been your most productive, writing and releasing stories onto your blog multiple times a week. Most of your nights spent wide awake, fingers flying over the keys to bring to life new pieces of storytelling and filth for the masses to read along with you. You knew you could do this, you’d finished every single challenge you’d been given so far, and you were not about to let this one be a failure.

Rereading what you’d written though sparked no inspiration and when you clicked back into the tab for Tumblr you saw a message from Charlie.

‘I’m not going to do that and you aren’t bothering me. I don’t understand why you feel like that but we’ve been over this again and again. Please, Y/N, let this go and move on.’

She was mad at you. Clearly she was mad and you felt tears starting to burn behind your eyes. You’d done it again, made a friend mad when you were just trying to fix it. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just how I was feeling is all.’

‘You have no reason to feel that way.’

Charlie’s response didn’t make sense to you and you reread it half a dozen times before replying again. You did have reason to feel that way because she’d been distant and you knew you’d been bothering her because she’d told you earlier in the week she’d been busy with work. You needed to make her see that you were no good for her and you were a cancer in her life that needed to be eliminated.

‘But I do and I’m just sorry.’

There was no reply after that and you knew your friendship was over. Fat, hot tears ran down your cheeks as you sat in bed waiting for a reply that never came. Dean hollered from the kitchen that dinner was ready and you wiped at your face till you were sure he couldn’t tell you’d been crying.

The smell of steak filling your senses as you wandered slowly into the kitchen. “Smells great babe.”

Dean turned around, a smile gracing his gorgeous face. “Thanks, did you need more time to write after dinner?” He asked as he started to portion out the plates.

“No, wasn’t getting much done anyway.” You were a failure and all you could do was stuff your face and hope Dean didn’t decide this was when he wanted to walk away from a fat ass like you.

Together you ate while he talked about different parts of his day at the shop he co-owned with his dad and you tried to pay attention as you kept rerunning the chat you’d had with Charlie. There had to be a way to fix it, you’d messed it up so badly.

Dean continued to talk until you had finished dinner, not once did he ask how your day had been, and as you walked to the bedroom together to watch tv your heart sank. ‘He doesn’t even care how your day was. He knows it was boring. He probably hates you like Charlie does and like Ellen does, and Jo.’  You knew everyone hated you and you deserved for them to hate you.

The next couple hours were spent watching a movie on Netflix and when Dean fell asleep without kissing you goodnight you’d turned off the tv as well as your bedside lamp, and turned away from him. You reached for your phone, the Tumblr app opening, and showing a new message from someone and you were filled with dread at who it might be.

‘Please, Y/N, let it go. I can’t keep telling you that everything is fine between us. You are my friend and I love you but you need help. Something is wrong and I can’t help you.’

Charlie’s words cut like a knife through your heart and you let silent sobs wrack your body. Something was wrong, very wrong, and every time you saw a doctor they always told you the same thing. It’s just a little depression and a few months with medication should make you feel better. And the doctor was right, it did, for awhile.

That’s when you would feel normal, you’d finally sleep and eat like everyone else, you’d spend time with Dean doing things you loved and your brain didn’t feel like it was running a marathon. The meds worked, they did but then everything would start to slip. You’d take your meds but then you’d start feeling that urge to stay awake. To write one more story, ideas flying out of your head so fast you could hardly keep up. The phrases, “did you sleep? When did you come to bed? Have you eaten today?” all became regular parts of your husband’s vocabulary.

You’d shrug him off, you were fine, and super productive. You had stories ready for when you had writers block and your follower count was up since you’d been posting so much new content. Things were fine, he just couldn’t see it. You didn’t need to sleep to be amazing or put out amazing content, this was how you were and you loved it.

But you knew, every single time, and you dreaded what you knew was coming. What you were going through right now, this low, the darkness slowly closing in around you. Every thought in your head telling you that you were a bad person and deserved to be told so by everyone. You didn’t deserve to be happy, you deserved to feel this way, and to watch your friends walk away from a crazy person like you.

You clicked over to your dash, scrolling through posts and finding nothing to occupy your mind. All that kept going around and around in your head was Charlie’s words, your brain highlighting certain parts and leaving others behind. ‘Y/N, let it go. I can’t keep telling you that everything is fine. You need help and I can’t help you.’ Over and over again your brain kept repeating it until finally you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Instead of bothering anyone you opened a text post, sticking a little asterisk in where you’d put your usual text and start venting in the tags.

Writing all that out did nothing to make you feel better and you continued to cry until you fell asleep. When you awoke the next morning, Dean was already gone, and you grabbed your phone to check for notifications and messages. A text from Dean told you he loved you and he’d be late getting home. Paperwork for the expansion was finally in and he’d need to work on it with his dad after hours.

Next was Tumblr and as usual you didn’t have any messages. The notifications were from people reblogging mostly your reblogs and a few likes on an old story back when you were actually able to write. With nothing worth looking at there any longer, you opened your dash and started scrolling. Just a few posts down was one by Charlie and she was obviously not happy.

Charlie’s post ate at you, reading it and the tags over and over again. You knew it had been wrong to put her in the tags, knew that online etiquette says don’t out anyone or say anything except positive things about others but you had to get it out. Your brain wouldn’t stop, the voice repeating itself over and over again until you posted it.

You pushed the reblog button, your fingers poised over the keys trying to think of what to say but all you could think was that she was right. You were sick and manipulating people into feeling bad for you. There was no reason for anyone to feel sorry for you because you were acting like a child, boohooing on the internet when you should just keep it to yourself.

Closing the reblog you starting planning instead. The world didn’t need you in it, messing everything up for everyone. Bothering them with your nonsense and dragging them down when they were all so happy. Dean would be home late and you knew that would give you the time that you needed to do this right.

Walking into your bathroom you took stock of what you had on hand in the cabinet. Muscle relaxers from when Dean hurt his back a few weeks before, the sleeping pills your doctor gave you for when you told him you had trouble sleeping, and your Prozac that was half full of capsules. You weren’t sure if it would be enough but you figured if you ground everything down they might at least work faster. Dean would probably get home too late to help you and it would all just end.

With a plan forming in your mind you heard a ding from your phone of a message. Opening it you saw it was from Seraphine, a friend you had made online and you sighed wondering what she wanted.

‘Hey sweetie just wanted to check in on you. I saw your post from last night and if you need to talk I’m here for you.’

‘Hey Sera I’m fine just having a moment. Don’t worry about me. I’m good.’

‘You sure?”

You chewed at your lip knowing you were lying but not wanting to worry your friend at all. ‘Yeah I’m fine. Everythings fine.’

‘Doesn’t seem fine. How are things with Dean?”

‘Dean’s good. Working late tonight which is good for me. Lets me get done what I need to do.’

There was a pause between messages and you sat on your bed waiting for her to reply so you could say goodbye and get the mortar and pestle from your kitchen to start getting your pills ready.

‘What is it that you need to do?’

You were getting aggravated, you needed to go so you could do this. You needed to end this conversation and end your sad pathetic existence.

‘Nothing you need to worry about. Just something that needs to be done. I’ve got to go. Bye sweetie.’

‘Wait! Don’t go, Y/N. Please, whatever it is you need to do I want you to know you don’t have to. What time is Dean coming home?’

You looked up at the clock and realized the day had slipped away from you. Hours of time just bleeding into one another without you even noticing, the sky outside your bedroom window already showing an orange and pink glow of the sunset.

‘I don’t know. All his text said was late. It will be fine. I gotta go, Sera.’

‘You don’t have to go. Stay and talk to me, Y/N. I’m worried about you.’

You scoffed to yourself and punched in your reply. ‘You don’t have to be worried about me. Nothing to worry about. I need to go, Seraphine. It will all be better once I do.’

‘No, it won’t. Please, don’t go yet ,Y/N.Call Dean and tell him you need him to come home. You shouldn’t be alone right now.’

You shook your head, tears burning and falling quickly down your face. ‘I’m not going to bother him and I’m fine.’

‘You aren’t fine and you need to call him. If you won’t I will. Please, Y/N.’

Your phone slipped from your hand and onto your bed where you left it to swipe at the tears coursing down your face. You were so pathetic, crying like this. You needed to stop and just do what needed to be done. Leaving your phone where it landed you stood up and rounded the side of your bed just as you heard the front door open, Dean rushing in while calling your name.

“Y/N! Hey babe, Charlie called me and said that you needed me to come home right away. Sweetheart, what’s going on?” The love and concern poured off of Dean in waves and you were overcome with despair, shame, and fear. A great heart wrenching sob leaving your body as you launched yourself into his chest, his arms wrapping around you as your body convulsed with cries.

“Whoa sweetheart, what’s going on? Come on, kid. Talk to me.” Dean held you tight to him and you just cried, not a single word could be released with how hard you were sobbing. He moved the two of you till he could sit on the end of the bed, pulling you sideways into his lap, rubbing his hand in circles over your back and telling you how much he loved you. “Talk to me, Y/N. Please tell me what happened?”

Through your tears your drew in a few deep breaths, you lips quivering as you shakingly responded. “I’m scared. I’m so scared and I-I don’t know what to do.” More sobs erupted at your confession and Dean squeezed you in reassurance.

“Charlie said you were planning to kill yourself. Where you? Please tell me she was wrong about that. I can’t lose you. Not like that.” Dean’s voice broke as he spoke, his own grief over his wife being in so much pain spilling ovel.

“I’m so scared because I want to Dean, so bad. I want everything to just stop. Make it stop, Dean. Make it stop.”

Dean pressed his lips to your head before moving his hand to your cheek and bringing your face up to look at him. “Tell me what to do to make it stop and I will. Tell me what you need and I’ll do it. Right here, right now.”

You shook your head, tears streaming down your face as you confessed, “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. I’ll figure it out. Maybe we should call your doctor and tell him what’s going on. He should be able to help.” Dean reached for your phone knowing the number to your doctor was inside along with the emergency contact number for moments like this.

“No, Dean. Please, don’t call him. Not right now. I can’t. Please, just hold me. I need you to hold me and make it stop.” you turned yourself in his arms till you could wrap yourself completely around him, sobbing into his shoulder and releasing all the hurt you’d let consume you the last couple of weeks.

He held you to him, reminding you that he was there, and he wasn’t going to leave you. When you finally started to calm he leaned back and looked into your reddened eyes. “Sweetheart, we need to get you help. I love you but you need to talk to your doctor.”

You shook your head in protest. “No, I’ll be fine, Dean. Really it’s fine.”

“Y/N, that’s not fine. The phone call from Charlie telling me my wife was making posts online, talking to people about needing to go do something and everything would be better after. That’s not fine. You are not fine but you can fight this. We can fight this. Please babe, let me help you fight this. Let me call your doctor.” Dean’s olive orbs pleaded with you and you leaned around him to grab your phone.

“Help me?” A shuddered breath fell from your lips and Dean kissed your forehead before nodding.

He scrolled through your contacts and made the call to get you help.

12 weeks later

Bipolar 2, finally your doctor had listened and you had the right diagnoses. It was scary, the scariest thing a doctor had probably ever said to you and Dean stood by you the entire time. Not once thinking to walk away from you or to let you stop fighting. The medication you were on was changed and with it your activities at home. The amount of time you spent online went down considerably and you’d managed to apologize for your behavior towards Charlie at the time.

You’d told Seraphine thank you, having connected the dots that she had been the one to contact Charlie, who in turn called Dean. Together they had all saved you from yourself and now you were on the road to being a healthy version of yourself. No amount of thank yous were enough but you tried at least once a day, to return some of their kindness back into the world. Because being sick isn’t an excuse but it is a reality and with these people on your side as well as proper medical treatment, your reality was looking a whole lot better.

Tagging let me know if you want off the ride: @aprofoundbondwithdean @brooklyn-writes-flangst @duckzorz @gizmospacerocket @kayteonline @jotink78 @manawhaat @maxremixed @mrsjohnsmith @mrswhozeewhatsis  @oriona75 @rizlow1 @littlegreenplasticsoldier @harley-kitty-queen @callmesweetheartifyoumeanit @lady-of-the-bunker @tardis-is-mine @nichelle-my-belle @superromijn @sis-tafics @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @mysupernaturalfics @nerdflash @waywardjoy @superisatomboyuniverse @cici0507 @beatlesobsessionlove @chelsea072498 @loveitsallineed @love-me-some-pie21 @atc74 @for-the-love-of-dean @impala-dreamer @percywinchester27 @i-dont-understand-whats-going-on @bitch-jerk-assbutt-xo @therosecolouredpost @dorky-and-i-know-it @supernatural-jackles @iwantthedean @gemini75seeyore @babypieandwhiskey @milkymilky-cocopuff @mrsbarry-allen-1031 @letsdisneythings @winchesterenthusiast @femmedplume

[6gpymfzi-blog]

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