#maybe I think my blog would be nicer for me if I didn't tag anything ever. for 4 months. then change my mind.

[post-punk-revival]

i don't think you guys realize that the tiny amount of typing style consistency i still maintain is just so people don't get thrown off by suddenly changing it after 4 years of posting the same way

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[betweenthings2]

1 and 4 for the cuddling prompts (gatty)🫶

Thank you for the ask!! The prompt list is here if anyone else wants to see it and all the prompt lists on my blog are tagged as 'prompts' =)

I'm so very sorry it took me so long to answer this. I have no good excuse, but I hope y'all enjoy.

Cuddling prompts 1. Digging at each others clothing in search of skin to feel even closer, and 4. The silent agreement to only speak in whispers and murmurs.

Digging at each others clothing in search of skin to feel even closer.

George is wearing too many layers, Matty decides. Really, it's only two layers, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt, but Matty would like it to be no layers, his hands against George's bare skin. Matty himself is similarly bundled up, the heating slow to come on and warm the house up when they'd just gotten home last night. Still, he'd like it if George were wearing less clothes. It's making post-nap cuddling very difficult, in Matty's humble opinion. He'd like to be closer, but there are all these layers between them.

George has been awake for a while, but Matty's only just woken up and he's pretty sure he could go back to sleep, if only he could get closer. In an effort to do just that, Matty starts by tugging at George's sweatshirt then running one hand under it, his t-shirt the only thing between his bare skin and Matty's hand. George lets him, the same way he let Matty burrow close and rest his head on George's chest and nap. It's not long before Matty starts to tug at George's t-shirt, too, though.

"What are you doin', love?" George murmurs.

"You've got too many layers on," Matty answers, petulant.

George can't help but chuckle at Matty's answer. He should have expected it, really. Matty likes contact. "That's kinda hypocritical, don't you think?" he counters, not minding the fact that he has a hand resting against Matty's bare hip, under his sweatshirt.

"Hypocritical?" Matty echoes. "I guess I could go nap on my own. Just be cold and lonely, but if you're gonna be mean to me," Matty lets himself trail off.

George squeezes Matty's hip and laughs again, saying, "'m just teasing, sweetheart, don't go anywhere."

"Are you gonna be nice to me?" Matty pushes, again tugging at George's t-shirt again.

"You're laying on me. How much nicer do you need me to be?"

Matty hums like he's considering, then responds, "Well, you called me a hypocrite and you've still got too many layers."

"I didn't call you a hypocrite," George corrects, combing fingers through Matty's hair. "I asked if you were maybe being hypocritical and it's still cold in here."

"We could be under the blankets together, but you wouldn't let me."

"You're impossible," George murmurs. "And it's not that I didn't let you, no one lets you do anything, it's that I said I might get up if you slept for a while. Do you want to be under the blankets?"

Matty nods. "Yeah."

"Ok, then," George agrees. "You'll have to get up, though."

Reluctantly, Matty sits up, then clamors to his feet and watches George do the same before pulling the bedding so Matty can get back into bed.

Matty goes to pull off his own sweatshirt, then pauses, asking, "You're gonna lay back down, too, right?"

George nods.

So Matty pulls off his sweatshirt and gets into bed, immediately pleased at how comfy he is. All he needs now is George, preferably without his sweatshirt. George follows Matty's lead though, and pulls off his own sweatshirt before laying down. Matty immediately cuddles close, resting his head back against George's chest draping an arm over his ribs.

"Happy?" George asks once Matty is settled.

Matty nods. "Very."

----

4. The silent agreement to only speak in whispers and murmurs.

The back lounge of the bus is quiet and still. Matty has no idea where they're going, but he can't bring himself to worry too much about that. He got a proper shower after the show at the venue, he's comfortably tired, and pressed close to George, his back against George's chest, while a film plays on the small TV mounted on the wall. They decided on the film together, but Matty hasn't really been following it. He's not as interested in following the film as he is simply being here with George.

He'd like to ask if George is still awake, like to share what he's thinking about, but it's so quiet. Matty would hate to break the peace, especially if George is asleep. He debates for just a few more minutes, then speaks.

"You awake?" Matty asks quietly. He supposes he could speak normally, but everything is too quiet, too still for him to dare being any louder than necessary.

"Yeah," is George's answer, his voice similarly hushed. "You ok?"

Matty nods. "I just wondered. I was just thinking."

"Oh? 'bout what?"

"You," Matty responds. "Us. How nice this is. I miss this, sometimes, when we're touring."

"This?" George echoes, half confused.

Matty nods again. "Bein' close to you. Like, when we're home, we get to do this kind of thing all the time. We get to just, like, hang out together and be close. 's hard to be close when we're living on a bus."

George presses a kiss into Matty's hair, and murmurs, "It is kinda hard, isn't it? Are you doin' ok?"

Matty kind of shrugs in answer.

"What's botherin' you?" George pushes.

"'s not that important" Matty mumbles. "'s silly."

George takes one of Matty's hands and intertwines their fingers and tries again, "It's important if it's bothering you."

Matty glance down at their hands, illuminated only by the low light of the film still playing and the way headlights cut through the gaps in the curtains, and lets them rest against his belly. The muscles there are tense, like he's debating between being vulnerable and running away, crawling int his own bunk and pulling the curtain closed.

"If it bothers you, it's important to me," George tries again.

Matty lets out a breath and makes an effort to relax before admitting, "I miss sleeping next to you. I know we have a hotel night soon, but it's hard to sleep without you."

"That's not silly," George promises quietly. "I sleep better with you, too."

"If I, uh," Matty yawns, "if I fall asleep here, will you-" another yawn.

"Will I what? Make you move?" George finishes.

Matty nods. "Would you?"

"Probably not. We'd both regret it, though."  

Matty makes a quiet noise of discontent and shifts to rest his head against George's chest. "I just don't wanna sleep alone. 's cold and lonely and I miss you."

"Cold?" George echoes. "You're like a space heater. How are you cold?"

"George," Matty whines.

George laughs, quiet, then murmurs, "I know. Sorry."

Matty can't help remember the days when they'd squeeze themselves into a single bunk, back when they were younger and more tolerant of discomfort and before his back really started to bother him if he wasn't careful. "I miss when we could both sleep in your bunk," he says.

"No, you don't," George responds. "Do you remember how cramped and uncomfortable that was? I love you, but I'm never sharing a bunk with you again."

"I always slept," Matty protests. "Always. Those times when I couldn't sleep for more than an hour or two and I'd climb into your bunk and I'd sleep. Every time."

George doesn't bother bringing up everything else that was going on back then. Instead, he runs his fingers through Matty's hair and murmurs, "If you wanna sleep here, I'll stay."

"Thanks, G. I love you."

[spooky-jordan]

get to know your moots

Been tagged a few times now so here you go :)

What's the origin of your blog title? I think mine speaks for itself hahaha

OTP(s) + Shipname: Mulder and Scully! I am all about the MSR

Favourite colour: All the purples

Favorite game: I'm not much of a gamer, but I did once spend a solid month obsessively playing Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Song stuck in your head: Headlock - Imogen Heap (I blame all the TikTok edits)

Weirdest habit/trait? Sometimes I pretend like my life is a TV show and I'm the main character, to the point that I imagine there are cameras watching me constantly and occasionally "break the fourth wall" by shooting them a look à la Jim Halpert in The Office

Hobbies: Writing, reading, going to concerts, watching TV, watching movies, occasionally cooking, travelling, or otherwise just hanging out with my friends just talking shit and making each other laugh

If you work, what's your profession? Currently working part-time in hospitality but desperately trying to get out

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Writer or else some other kind of creative. I'd love to work in the movie industry but wouldn't even know where to start

Something you're good at: Writing, sometimes. Laughing in the face of existential dread

Something you're bad at: Taking care of my body. Public speaking

Something you love: Stories

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: The joys of sobriety, The X-Files, movies, funny/horrifying stories from my sordid past, feminism, sex and sexuality, what it all means???

Something you hate: Strawberries, the far-right, and being told to do something I was already about to do

Something you collect: Concert wristbands, band merch, Stephen King books

Something you forget: Why I walked into a room?

What's your love language? All of them? I'm very tactile with my friends, so maybe physical touch? Words of affirmation are good, too, since my brain likes to constantly tell me how much everyone hates me

Favorite movie/show: The X-Files (duh)! Favourite movie changes all the time, but In Bruges has a special place in my heart for being the first movie I remember watching that made me realise I LOVED movies

Favorite food: Anything Italian or Korean (but not together lol)

Favorite animal: I love all beasts great and small but especially cats and dogs because you can't cuddle an alligator

What were you like as a child? Tomboy. The "weird" girl. Obsessed with make believe, until hitting puberty and suddenly trying waaaaay too hard to grow up too fast

Favorite subject at school? I hated school and everything about it, but now I'm a mature student studying English Lit, so I guess English?

Least favorite subject? Maths

What's your best character trait? I'm good at empathising with people who are struggling. I have endless compassion for people society looks down on (criminals, addicts, "crazy" people). I have been all of these things. I also think I'm pretty adaptable - I've made it through a lot of things I didn't think I would

What's your worst character trait? I can be selfish. It's a good and a bad thing. Gotta look out for number one, no one else is going to. Sometimes, though, it couldn't hurt me to do more for others. I also should be nicer to my Mum

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? My day will be spent catching up with a friend, drinking endless coffee and writing fanfic. There's not a damn thing I'd change about this day

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet? You know I've never really thought about this? I mean... 90's David Duchovny would be a start... although I'm not sure I'd survive that interaction

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): Anyone who knows me know that I'm obsessed with the Iolokus series by RivkaT and MustangSally. If you've not read them, I highly recommend, but tread lightly cause shit gets DARK

Thanks to @cecilysass, @randomfoggytiger and @sagan-starstuff for the tags. I'm sure most people have been tagged already but I'll just tag a bunch of ya'll anyways —

@mulderrrrrrr @spookysexy @slippinmickeys @cowboyslikedean @danascepticscully @thatfragilecapricorn30 @muldersfingers @muldersmeat @danakatscullys @thursdayinspace @invisigoth421 @therealsaintscully

[bbnibini]

I saw your tags in the Solomon post about his pact with Asmodeus tbh I agree with you maybe because I played the old game and know how cruel demons were shown at the start before they started overhauling the dialogue.

It wasn't until the brothers realized MC is related to Lilith so they started becoming nicer too. I just think it's unfair to put these characters in a box and expect them to act consistently that's called caricature not characterization but hey it's just my opinion.

Hi there! Solomon seems to be even more of a polarising character than Belphie was even if the latter committed an actual murder while the former hadn't done anything as severe (for now...jk lol).

Joking aside, it's completely valid to like and dislike a character. And I can totally see your point. I guess your opinion on Solomon changes depending on how long you had known him or how far you are in the story. Sometimes it doesn't even have a reason at all and that's valid too. It always amazes me how we interpet scenes so differently. Like for example, the current lesson (lesson 17).

In my eyes, the vulnerability he had shown in the bar/tavern was NOT intended. He had even insisted numerous times that we should forget everything that he said. That it was shameful he had even reacted that way. That he was being emotional. He was not in his right mind and it's shameful and disgusting and he should have never acted like that. This is the same man who said that he couldn't stand the thought of being hated by MC, so I think he must have reacted so strongly because this is a rare chance we see him at his weakest point: his true self. Being out in the open to someone who he wants to be loved by so badly TERRIFIES HIM. A lot of unexplored self-loathing in this man that's for sure. He even said you can call him insane because emotions had never been a factor in his decision making process. He's usually very emotionally intelligent and composed but your involvement. Your existence is beginning to shake his values. Because in the end, that air of confidence. Superiority. Magical prowess are years of building up defences against others from SEEING THE REAL HIM. I really like how the person I RB'd the blog from worded it. He's trying, but he's not perfect. He's human. He's hurt but in the cruel world he lived in all his life, he only had himself to rely on.

And there's something tragically poetic about that. Could his desire to make a pact with Lucifer be because he sees Lucifer as a "what-if" version of himself that had fallen from grace WITH people who loved him and believed in him? That if he gains Lucifer's trust, he would also be healing a part of himself who never had the chance nor the privilege to connect with others? If you recall in one of his SSR cards (the Comiket one forgot the name), the Lord of Corruption is his favourite character (possibly because he relates to the Lord of Corruption the most?), and it's been shown in the game a few times how he and Lucifer are comparable to each other (the Cyber event, TSL quiz battle, etc).

He seems to really be clinging into his humanity despite being isolated and even scorned by humanity itself at some point. Is it a saviour complex? Survivor's guilt? Either way, Solomon had been through a lot and he didn't seem to have a reliable guardian to rely on which is why he was acting like that. A stark contrast to how he and Diavolo were treated by Barbatos when his role in their lives had obvious parallels.

That's what's bothering me too. If Barbatos made Solomon "the way he is", then why is he so hostile towards him compared to the guilt and subservience he exhibits with Diavolo? Is it because like Asmodeus, he was also tricked into a pact(highly doubt this tbh unless that's actually the reason for Barbatos' deep disdain towards him? Because he had once treated Solomon with trust and compassion until it had been broken at some point)? Or could it be something deeper than that? A blight to the Fountain of Knowledge? Some forbidden boundaries that Solomon had crossed?

In my case, I have a considerable amount of background knowledge on him based on his "real life counterpart" before Solmare retconned it :'), and it has guided me surprisingly well (almost too well) in understanding him. King Solomon in the Bible had many enemies. But he is also kind and wise and benevolent and fickle and lustful and scheming. Loved by his people. Even given a blessed name by God. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He was a player, a fool in love, but for some reason, despite it all only had one named heir and had only one official wife, and when his actual heir had even taken over the throne, the United Kingdom of Israel was close to collapsing...which is weird because he's supposed to be wise and discerning. He could have totally predicted that from happening by defying God's word but kept on building pagan temples and marrying foreign wives anyway (despite how seemingly loyal he is to Naamah??). It's almost as if he wanted it to fall.

Sorry if I rambled too much lol. For me personally I don't really care if you like him or not. I think it's good they're trying to flesh him out although I have very very mixed feelings about them abandoning what they already worked on for his character in the OG. I do want Solmare to at least give us an option to side with him by our own terms. Not as blindly as the limited options they sometimes offer. (Ex. Okay, I'm on your side but can we please deal with this with more heart and consideration? AND HUMAN DECENCY? Not everyone is out there to get you and not all demonic transactions have to be heartless and calculating. Do you want a hug? :( )

EDIT: Idk why people are still liking this but tl;dr - Solomon was morally grey in the original source/Biblical King Solomon already so him being morally grey here should be no surprise. The entire cast is morally grey (except Luke probably). They're demons. You can hate on a character, but you should not bring it to an extent where you're already hurting a real live person for differing opinions.

[little-bloodied-angel]

I'm not necessarily comparing the two, except for the way it ends up making people snippy because they're exhausted, perhaps. And because some people are triggered by stuff that isn't necessarily written specifically to be triggering, just very negative (since we're talking about characters)

Let me put it this way: if I loved everything else you post but couldn't deal with one specific thing for whatever reason, and you used only the general tag for said thing, I'd have to choose between blocking your entire blog because of that one thing, or blocking the whole tag to be able to enjoy the rest of your content. Of course people are allowed to criticize fiction (and in my opinion they should! That's how we have discussion about things). That's why the tag is "(whatever) critical" when it's not just outright hate. But sometimes you get tired of seeing nothing but criticism of the character/ship/show etc you like.

You can't demand anything of anyone, and though I haven't seen the messages in question the person likely was being a jerk, true. But simply adding a word into the tag (again, since you're already tagging it) prevents the problem from both sides.

Like I said, the "remember there's a real person behind the screen" applies to both people. (Or however many there are). This person didn't have a right to demand anything, but people in fandom (in general, not you) could stand to have a little more consideration, in my experience. In both ways, of course.

On YouTube, I can just choose to not click on a specific video that's going to range from upsetting to triggering. But on Tumblr it's more complicated. Is it your responsibility? No, unless you post something that is going to upset or trigger most of anyone (like say, images of animal death, discussions of child abuse) in which case I'd say it is, because people can't avoid something if they don't know it's there. But we could all stand to be nicer to each other. If you criticize something or someone to your heart's content as you have every right to do but tag it as critical instead of or in addition to the main tag, both you and the person whose comfort character/ship/media that is save yourselves an unpleasant experience. In my opinion, "coddling" would be "not writing anything negative about this character ever because of the fans" not simply adding a tag. There are many reasons why simple criticism written with no malicious intent (which I wasn't implying you did) may hurt, upset or trigger someone, and in my humble opinion having to quit an entire blog you otherwise love or, at a certain level, the entire tag in all of Tumblr, just because people won't add one word onto said tag, isn't very fair to fans. You personally from what I've seen have a thick skin in regards to that and that's great, but not everyone does.

Basically, going back to your example. If I loved Sansa and for whatever reason couldn't stand criticism of her (oversaturation maybe? I've seen it's a very criticized character) and instead of acting entitled just politely told you "hey could you add #Sansa Critical to posts like those? I love your blog, but I really don't want to see that since she's my comfort character and I don't want to block the whole tag either, since then I can't search for other content, or not see all the other stuff you post. Thanks". Would you still be like "well it's not my problem so leave my blog"? Or would the attitude/explanation make a difference? Because I won't presume to speak for you, and I really don't think you do this, but I've seen a lot of people for whom "have empathy for the person behind the screen" only applied to them. It's different to demand censorship than to ask for some help in curating your experience, is what I'm getting at, I think.

Stuff kids on tumblr better relearn

1. You are responsible for your own media experience. 

2. There is such a thing as a healthy level of avoidance towards topics that make you feel unwell or even (in a real-life clinical definition of the term) trigger you - but you are the one to actively take care of what you view.

3. Avoiding does not mean policing others.

4. You have no right to tell artists to censor themselves - you may criticize what others do, you may dislike it, that’s fine - but actively asking for censorship when you could easily unfollow or block a person just makes you look incompetent in your use of the internet.

5. Do not give people on tumblr or /any/ website the responsibility for your emotional well-being. Because these people do not even know you so no, you have no right to ask them to take care of you.

[tsukiyadori]

On the Use of cheese, fluff, spice, chili and Other Things Luna-Lingo

There are some self-coined words in my personal use that frequently confuse people, but some people to whom I talk with more frequently have come to get used to them with a more or less rough idea.

I have also been using them rather freely in the ramblings on this blog as well, as most of those posts were originally written with just me or at best that audience in mind, but it looks like there are some silent readers joining in as followers and other people occasionally drop in via the tags. 

So I figured, maybe I should just assemble what these mean in one linkable place.

This will also include a bit of a historical excursion of how they came to be. If you are simply just interested in TL;DR definition of each of their meaning, skip to what's bold. 

General Luna:

Lunatastic: Everything very Luna. Basically the adjective to the noun Luna.

Moon Resident: Luna hails from and mostly lives on the Moon (not exactly behind the moon) and is therefore a moon resident. (Which is my preferred term to being an alien.)

Earthling: Everyone who lives on earth. In most cases can be substituted as "normal people", I guess.

On Cheese

The roots of this one go back to my adolescence and up to my early adulthood. Those years were spent with pretty much no clue getting crushes, falling in love, dating and other things that make up the average usual teenage puberty insanity. Education on it in school and from actual people in my environment was, let's say, underwhelming if it wasn't outright applied shaming upon any attempt to actually learn anything about it from someone. One of the still nicer things I got told was that I'll learn it in due time. Once I fall for someone, I'd know, or I'd have no choice but to want to know. And before that was to happen it was indicated or make clear in a variety of ways that there is no use talking about it, because neither would it be relevant nor could one even talk about it, because it's like talking to somebody color-blind about colors. (I shall not rant here, but everything about this is very very wrong if not outright dangerous.)

There were two collateral effects to this: 

While I never really had an emotional need to really get behind these things, I still did not feel particularly great about not knowing "the obvious". So I tried to fill in the gap intellectually, which resulted in some, admittedly, pretty bizarre questions people didn't know how to answer or didn't take seriously. People are to this day still bemused how innocent and unknowing I can be and at times or outright think I must be trolling at other times. I can handle this a lot better today and see things embedded in a bigger picture, but back then I was eventually just feeling angry, insulted and other things upset about anything in this subject territory.

The second thing was, people, well, did not particularly enjoy ever talking to me and while there are a multitude of different reasons this was surely part of it. Sex-ed and the like in school was underwhelming for any of us, but all this stuff is ultimately a huge part of puberty and people were actively curious and emotionally in need to fill out the gaps and I think most people learned it with private talks to parents, other adults in their families, mentor figures slightly older or their age peers. What formed were things that look to me like secret conclaves over common issues, problems, same to similar storms to weather. These things probably also brought a lot of people together at the time and gave grounds to form bonds of any level of depth. I for my part did not even hold the most basic 'we are peas of the same pod' entry ticket, and then I was asking all my incessant exhausting questions which didn't at all obfuscate the fact there was zero understanding of it as well as hardly any sort of empathy present that people could expect to draw from me about their own cheese worries. People were exhausted by their own hormones wreaking havoc, so of course I was just a headache to deal with and people kept their distance.

Which also meant aside from having no clue about everything love, crushes, dating, romantic/sexual relationships I also didn't have much of a clue about common friendships, casual friendships, camaraderie, "nakamas", buddies, pals and where the boundaries from one to another are being drawn.

And more than anything was I somewhat full of scorn. This was basically my face at the time:

So right in line with the mood, the first term that came about was the German word 'Schnulze'. If you look this up you get this from the dictionary: weepie, sobstuff, slushy or schmaltzy song/book/flick.

'Schnulze' is a term mostly applied to soppy ass sappy soap operas that make no sense, are overly dramatic and theatrical and feel staged and unreal. And more than anything, it's derogatory. Which was the point, it expressed my scorn. And I pretty much misused it on anything that even had a slight whiff of all those things I did not understand nor anyone managed to ever explain to me. I wanted to stay away from it all, which I did by shunning it and for a couple of years that was a somewhat simple thing to do.

I wasn't very present in any English places, but in earlier terms I mostly used something like "dumpster love nonsense" or calling cheese-stricken characters having completely fallen on their heads, "Moe-blob-idiots" or some such.

Eventually, life caught up with me in young adulthood. You cannot live in this world without having a decent idea of these things. It causes damage to anyone around you due to negligence and carelessness. It can also bring danger to yourself all the same. That took me a long time to learn and realize as a fact. I also slowly caught up that a few ideas and conclusions I had from observing the surrounding 'madhouse' were, let's say, extremely off.

And the more I learned about this, now in an environment with access to more sophisticated books, internet, people's reviews and reactions to fictional media, discussions thereof of what's plausible, buyable, realistic or not, adult lunch break talks and presentations of talks from sex/love therapists and whatnot I slowly started to get some clues.

It didn't change however that I still had no idea about where the boundaries of romance/sex and any other sort of amical bounds were. It also didn't change that while my scorn faded it was still all annoying me, because I did not have a clue or not enough of it.

My face morphed into something more like this:

Instead of scorn (and maybe hate), it now was more something like exasperation and I wanted a new word, that was less derogatory, less of a misuse, a little bit more tangible, but also still on point about that exact exasperation and the still remaining traces of my scorn about it all. And where I didn't have to worry that much about the distinction between love in the romantic/sexual sense or any other. (It's still tricky half of the time.)

There is an expression in German called "Was für ein Käse" (lit. "what sort of cheese") with variants like "So ein Käse!" (lit. "what cheese!"). It expresses how something is rubbish or nonsense.

At the same time there is the english word "cheesy", which describes something sappy, corny, tacky. In German there is the word 'kitschig' for this, but somehow Kitsch just feels a deal much more derogatory to me than cheesy or corny would be. 

So I took up 'cheese', it represented the nonsense it was all to me, but I was still in need to somehow understand while it also kinda put me off like how cheesy stuff does. And because I had no clue about the boundaries, it didn't just apply to romance and sexual things, but could also apply to anything else, as long as there is a sense of cheesy tearjerky drama, jokes or exaggeration to it....... or well, came off like that to me.

Another part of it is I also happen to not particularly enjoy eating real cheese. The faces I make (or internally make) over the real and figurative cheese are pretty much the same.

HOWEVER!

There are circumstances where I will enjoy eating even real cheese (or even spice). I will not say no to a very good pizza or lasagna (albeit they are super hard to be found really well-made) and I will also not say to leave the cheese out of them, because some dishes need their cheese, or they just don't work. I also happen to really like cream cheese, which by all means is technically cheese, but does not taste like cheese.

And it's the same thing with figurative cheese, as I later found out. 

Enter the era of cheese subtypes! (This is the present era, still ongoing.)

So this is what there is to cheese currently:

Cheese: Umbrella term, cheese is my term for everything cheesy, gaudy, and well, that sort of embarrassing nonsense. It can be about, but isn't necessarily limited to be about love, romance, and sex. It can also be about nakama, friends forever, be your true self blabla, but quantitatively speaking the biggest share of it is made up by all the romance or horny porny gibberish.

Liebesgedaddel (lit: love+twisted version of "Gedudel" which means tootling, racket): German-sphere only. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay and am somewhat sure it's likely more about romance/love, this gets used.

Gefühlduselei (lit. sentimentalism, soppyness): German-sphere only. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay or really it has nothing to do with romance or even cheese exactly, but is just tacky.

Sappy Soppy (Ass) sap/cheese: Kind the same as 'Gefühlduselei', just in English. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay or really it has nothing to do with cheese exactly, but is just tacky. May get combined with cheese for a superlative.

Regular Cheese, (Bog-)Standard Cheese: Your average cheese dish. Does nothing really wrong about it, but really has nothing really noteworthy or special about it either. Very by the book if you so will. Tastes about as Gouda tastes to me. I can eat it if it presents itself to me by the occasion, but I will not particularly enjoy it.

Bad Cheese or Rotten cheese: Cheese that is bad, stinky or rotten, so like, it's things that clearly do not really do the characters any good and, by extension, me the reader. Things that propagate your usually bad takes and ideas. I've been asked what an example for mold cheese types would be, the answer is, there is none, because just like real cheese, if I taste that the cheese is repugnant in my mouth I will usually not bother trying to figure out if it was Gogonzola, Camembert, Brie or hard cheese (stuff like e.g. Parmesan). Much like their real cheese versions other people may dig it anyway. But the most diplomatic face I make at it is something like this:

Toxic Cheese: This is always also rotten cheese, but these are extra bad, because they treat the bad takes as a given or even romanticize to glorify them. However, not every questionable or toxic relationship depicted will make the piece of work automatically toxic cheese itself. It highly depends on how the narration treats and paints it. (So like the thing Subaru and Seishiro from Tokyo Babylon+X/1999 have between them is basically everything a bad idea, but the story makes no qualms about how bad it is and what damage it causes and narratively, in a purely fictive sense, there is something fascinating about them to keep on reading/watching.)

Cheese Trash: This is always also either bog-standard or bad cheese, but it's so dumb and overly clearly dumb it's kinda less offensively bad rather than just dumb. Just gets tossed into the personal trash bin and will not be missed.

Dumpster Cheese: Cheese that is either bog-standard or has some really unrealistic or questionable takes, but there is a sense of self-consciousness, self-irony or narrative winking about it. Has this sort of trash entertainment factor to it. So it kinda serves up one after another and there's some morbid curiosity of how far it dares to go. Think of something like Domestic Girlfriend. Usually what separates dumpster cheese from bad to rotten cheese is that they tend to have at least some redeeming points to them and a whiff of self-deprecation because of the self-consciousness.

The Golden Rule of Cheese: This is a reference to the Golden Rule of Shoujo, but more generalized. There is also the idea that genre romance MUST have their romance pair work out, or it's not romance. And sometimes you just see everything in the world of the story is willed to have them get together, because that's just their fate. It kinda iffs me off more often than not, but if it does the characters good, and they walk out of it for the better, it’s fine. Usually gets used on things that are over about it from the beginning. So like your typical romance genre romance that from the beginning is set up to go down the route like this.

The Obligatory Cheese: Same as Golden Rule of Cheese, just in shorter, broad terms. About everything forced. Like when you just know it has to have cheese, because it has to please the readership, or if a story has this shoehorned ending of them getting together because that's the way it has to go. Usually applies to things that aren't focused on telling exactly a cheese story and have enough else to go to sustain it even without the cheese, but of course it must still have it. Because just because.

Cheese Infection: Basically falling for somebody, or getting infected with the sappyness of a cheesy friendship, nakamaism and whatnot. Anything that makes them go corny themselves. Usually used on the moment that causes a cheese affliction.

Cheese Affliction: Somebody infected with cheese. Mostly used on somebody having a crush or just getting really dumb due to said crush. (Think of Boa Hancock from One Piece for an extra notorious comedic example.)

Cheese Suffering: Somewhat self-explanatory. When characters suffer from their cheese affliction. So, like any type of lovesickness.

Hilarious Cheese: When their cheese affliction makes characters so dumb, it's funny again. Requires some good grasp on comedic skills in the narration.

Soft Cheese: Stuff like Mozzarella or Emmentaler in terms of real cheese. These are the cheese types among common cheese that I seem to prefer most in dishes that have cheese if they have to have it. For media stuff, it's a bit hard to draw the line of when something is still soft and not just common or even bad or obligatory cheese. Ultimately, it depends on whether it tasted to me or not. Soft cheese can actually contain spice and chili as well, so it's not really depending on how innocent it all is.

Mozzarella: A soft cheese and among the common cheese types that I find most edible. Also known for how much you can stretch it. Usually stuff that is commonly called "so cute that it just makes you feel happy looking at them" falls in here, but like. Mozzarella is also stretchy. While most would go Uwaaaah!, I'm mostly like: This is okay and nice and all wholesome, but does it really have a need for this extra emphasis? (Flowers, petals, feathers, glitter, pomp, extra huge paneling etc.). It feels… just a bit stretchy. If it's a shoujo it might also just get stretchy, because it takes forever to progress while sticking to the same piece of cheese.

Cream Cheese: This is a wild exception to cheese. For this is by all means cheese no matter how you look at it, but for some reason does not taste like cheese. Just like how real cream cheese does not taste like cheese and I very much dig cream cheese, while cheese is a range from sufferable to repugnant. The line of cream cheese in works of media is very blurry, and I have no idea beforehand what makes cream cheese that and not some other cheese. The only thing it seems to have in common is that cream cheese will always contain fluff (see below) in some way or another, but just having fuwa fuwa will not necessarily make it fluff or cream cheese. The term first came about upon reading Kimi ni wa Todokanai/I Cannot Reach you. This is a BL, while also being very shoujo and somehow it was kinda half clear it was ultimately going the Golden Rule of Cheese, and it's also walking from one romance trope to another, technically, but for the first four volumes it never really tasted like even soft cheese. The series however has had some takes on bad cheese in v5 and ever since v7 it's sadly become more or less regular cheese.

Some lingo for cute, moe, badass etc.

Too much sugar: Interchangeable with sappy soppy ass sap.

Kariessüß/cavietes sweet: It just much of the sweetness, whether that be the romance-sweet or overdone character cuteness of being small, little, round and some such. Some of Koge Donbo's works have had a naming of "Queen of Kariessüß" from me for a while. (She has been know as the Queen of Moe at around the late 2000s.) Mostly it was my disappointment, because I did like the second half of PitaTen quite a deal, but the other works are. erm. something. I guess. Usually this bunch includes the moe-blob-idiots.

Moe-blob-idiots: Seldom in use by now, but describes characters that were clearly conceived with moe traits in mind and tend to be extremely airheaded, clumsy, inept and if you want to be mean, overly daft in their heads. Mostly they tend to be very innocent, so sporting oblivious cheese all around, no intelligence for common sense, scheming or ability for ulterior motives. Of course they have no real clue about romance, spice and chili and I've (had? still have?) some major qualms against them, because their lack of any sophistication on anything more juicy is kinda implicitly explained by their daftness.

Rule of Cool: Something that is stylised to make a character look badass and cool on the regular, but usually it completely falls flat on me.

Badass: Some character that is just cool and rocks and just really rocks. But also isn't really a Mary/Gary Sue either. (And thus probably not out of some power fantasy work.) Or the rare instances where Rule of Cool actually worked on me. Or really I just am into the character and they show up too rarely, then any instance of them showing up may already count as badass (that's very rare tho.)

Eyecandy, Feast for the eyes, Augenweide: Characters that kinda are sheer badass just in being. Does not necessarily have to be actually good characters, this is more vibes speaking in how they presented themselves in the moment or scene. Black Lady from Sailor Moon is darn eye candy. (Galaxia kinda rocks, as well.) Kiss-Shot from the Monogatari Series is and sometimes Shinobu comes back to be like that. There is a tendency for these characters to be female strong characters who keep using every bit of their feminine presentation, but combine them with recurring traits of character coolness or owning the room/dominance/power that usually predominantly gets attributed to masculinity. Can be male characters, too, but it appears those fall more easily into slick suave turn offs or machos. Adult-Hibari from Katekyo Hitman Reborn's future arc for whatever reason falls into it too. (My best guess is that the way he wears his suit in combat is to blame.)  You'd think femme/homme fatale would meet it, and they tend to, but if the sexual sensitivity/electricity is too strong or wolfishly tauntingly there, it kinda doesn't work. So Mine Fujiko from the Lupin franchise for example doesn't fit in.  Characters who are onto emancipation and bla bla usually also don't fit in, because they tend to sorts of actively try denying their femininity they do have, so for example also no Utena from Revolutionary Girl Utena. (That does not have to mean female characters have to always wear skirts and dresses.)

On Fluff

This sort of evolved out of Cream Cheese and mixed itself with the normal vocabulary of 'fluffy'/'fluffig' or the japanese fuwa fuwa. However, fluff is a little bit different for me compared to those common terms.

Fluff in media to me is if it inspires a feeling that is the equivalent of the following:

eating a very tastefully balanced fluffy and delicious mousse, panna cotta or some other creamy dessert. Especially mousse, which is very fluffy. It must have the fluffy texture on the tongue and melt in the mouth as such. (So e.g. candy floss does not count.) They can be fruity or even savory, have sesame, matcha tastes. Cream Puffs also do the job, albeit to a lesser extent than mousse. A good panna cotta is absolutely delectable.

the wholesome fuzzy feeling when petting a rabbit, which at the same time expressively makes it clear to be enjoying the pets themselves. This works in selective very rare cases also on cats and does the absolute opposite with dogs, which I do not like. Any other animal, no matter how much of a similar fur to rabbits they may have appears to stir absolutely nothing. It's paramount the rabbit is enjoying getting the pets. If it's just willing, but not exactly enjoying it (like when it uses it as a means to woo for food), then it's just the regular fuwa fuwa with fluffy fur, but it is not 'fluff'.

In some cases: the Hnngnnngh feels of fluff, when a peculiar of glaring haughty royal bun type is kinda being all really tsundere in its way of relenting and showing a little bit of trust in you. It doesn't have to be by willing get pets, exactly, but can be anything. So far, it appears to only ever work on tsundere and maybe kuudere types of characters. (E.g. the rabbit can also zoom around happily and would joyfully hop around while also taking clear notice of you and your presence is welcome to them rather than being a nuisance or blending into the background).)

The above two can be combined. When a tsundere rabbit decided to give you the cold shoulder play but actually does want the pets and then upon the pets give you the whole spiel of tolerating it begrudingly, but little signs like eye movements and teeth grinding betray a rather clear amount of enjoyment.

In some cases: When things just come together and spiral upwards, when it makes anyone and anything there improve and get out better for it, and considerably so. When there are plenty of what ifs floating around and most of any of them are worse off. That certain type of something uplifting, which entirely dodged being cheese in any way. (Massively rare.)

Fluff will therefore always be wholesome and always leave a feeling of being at ease and of comfort. This does not mean it must be sweet. It can be bittersweet, it can be salty, it can even be a little bit juicy and sour. But it must create this fluffy, airy, weightless sense of feeling to it. (This is not the same thing as inspiring hope, but can overlap.)

Anti-Fluff: This is when a downward spiral happens. Basically a reverse Little Lord Fauntleroy effect. When something happens and triggers anyone and everyone to walk out for the worse. When ruin is there, and it's nearly absolute to happen, despite you getting the feeling there ought to have been better ways, but the dynamics just forced it into flowing into the worst option. - This is notably different to something like a Hiob-style ordinance of suffering or other sorts of attention grabbing stylization and dramatization of narrative fatalism to make the reader feel entertained or put off.

The piece of media that introduced the fluff term for me was Otonari no Tenshi-sama ni Itsunomanika Dame Ningen ni Sareteita Ken/The Angel Next Door Spoils me Rotten (up to ch14 read so far.) Otonari represents nearly to perfection the chemistry which my self in younger years had somehow thought to be the sort of friendship on a level that truly can actually be called as such. Which however as I learned later in life usually is something you can only expect in such depth in actual relationships mostly romantically involved. By all means this series is a romance series and I know they do wind up getting together, and the way they are right there at the beginning does make clear that physical/sexual attraction exists for them for each other, the series isn't ignoring that, but there is so much more and else there as well that it takes up only a small slice of it all and even if those particular slices weren't present there is more than plenty to sustain a deeply seated connection and bond between them. It's wholesome. It's cute. It's fluffy. It's putting hearts at ease. It's extinguishing anguish. It's complementary. It's putting both of them at a better place emotionally and practically. It hits all the notes fluff on any immediate level.

What's also very fluff, but more like fluff in hiding is Tearmoon Empire (read up to v4 so far). Mia definitely was and kinda is a terrible person and ultimately everyone winds up having some flaws, but the entire dynamic of the cast and plot is there to create an upwards spiral that makes the characters be, effectively be or become a better version of themselves. Even when they aren't actually truly that themselves, the effect is the same and characters ultimately delightfully reap what good it sowed. It's one of the rare examples where it doesn’t go glorify being your true self, but you simply can be your better self. And there is this bit about some being able to see the silver linings even in those infamous and useless, and that willingness to not just toss it off away be what sparks and lightens up the path of that upwards spiral. (Anyone should have an Anne and Ludwig in their life.)

Speaking purely in terms of appetite, I could gobble up loads of those fluff desserts, but they are a whole huge health hazard, so I don't. Aside from that, they are terribly hard to find well-made to begin with. It really needs to be properly fluff, not too sweet, not too dry, not too fatty, not too… And rabbits typically don't like being cuddled and petted too much, so that avenue is somewhat limited as well.

Fluff to me is the supreme counterbalance to stress or anything else that makes life feel miserable where I do not hold the means to change the situation myself. It's just usually so hard to find…

On Spice, Chili, Porn etc.

I think hot, spicy and chili are kinda self-explanatory, as I use them pretty much the normal way, but apparently even those aren't always known, so here goes a whole list.

Hot: Something that stylizes itself to be sexually enticing in the common sense, but without necessarily being racy.

Spicy: Stuff that's hot with clear sexual innuendo. This may include any part of actual sexual intercourse, its foreplay to trying to taunt out such desires. Can be racy, likely is, but not necessarily. There can be spice, that's clearly hot and spicy and sexual to the characters, but aesthetically implied, so it's not outright porn to the reader. This is my preferred avenue. - For as much as I have rather little interest in spicy things, I dislike sex negativity even more. All that stuff is a core component of the world, please do not pretend it doesn't exist at all. I just don't like it all that much when it's overly obviously so explicit for the sake of the reader.

Ecchi: horny stuff, which mostly is like taunting fan service without going all the way down.

Smut: Horny stuff that actually gets to do the stuff. Usually in some ways or another obfuscated and censored and/or more the mild stuff. The line to hentai is sometimes rather blurry with very smutty things, especially in BL and some josei/seinen smuts.

Porn, Hentai: Horny stuff down questionable rabbit holes, more hardcore explicit stuff which makes no secret that it's entire point is to get to the explicit stuff as quickly as possible, and it's there mostly for the reader to get the hots in who knows what part of their bodies. I do not dabble in this section beyond stray accidents.

Sus stuff: horny things, but clearly with the connotation of being questionable content. Usually used on stuff that has a clear whiff of being trashy ecchi or actual porn/hentai.

Chili: When something is hot and spicy and pretty much so. Basically its noun. Probably has its source by the chili rankings that some Manga publishers in German use on signaling how much/explicit their content (mostly in the BL section) are on the back cover, promotion materials etc. Preferred term to concisely say there is fiery, passionate, racy, hot, horny or whatever you may call it-stuff happening in a piece of content.

Pepperoni: Rarely used, but sometimes when there's talk about differentiating how hot or not something is by comparison to another work.

These are more Luna-lingo terms again:

horny porny: when I kinda have no clue where to draw the line between horny stuff and actual porn, or I don’t bother to think about it, this gets used to have them all in one pot. Sometimes also used in exasperation and exaggeration, and then it may include just anything spicy or even slightly hot.

Bed Spice: Has kinda fallen out of use for the most part. Before chili emerged, there was bed spice. So basically spice that happens in bed, so basically euphemism for ecchi stuff happening in the bedroom, whether or not they go all the way into doing the deed, whether it's just playfulness or actual chili, but it's stuff clearly meant in that way in varying degrees of explicitness. Usually used when I do not want to use the f word or don't want to bother with differentiating content between smut, hentai or ecchi and/or when the s word is incomplete, because I don't want to bother to think about whether they went all in or not. (Frankly I'm not even sure how much in things must be, that it counts as is all in or all the way. There are conflicting opinions of measurement out there.) When I coined this I was thinking of a German word "Bettgestöber". There is "Schneegestöber", which means snowstorm or snow flurry, so Gestöber kinda is something stormy, rummaging, a bit chaotic and kinda intense hubbub, turmoil and excitement.

Bettgewürz: Direct German translation of bed spice. While I originally did have the German word Bettgestöber in mind when I coined myself bed spice, that word by itself does not actually exist (but is grammatically still correct because of composite rules). As a noun Gestöber usually is only used in combination with snow. (There is a trashy smutty BL localized as Bettgestöber though.) Upon reflection later, I felt like it sounded rather crude. (Maybe also exactly because of said BL.) So at some point I just went with the direct back translation (that again isn't an actual word in use, but grammatically valid) and apparently some people even find it somewhat cute to funny. Usually used when talking about content that's more grounded and serious and just happens to also be quite spicy at times as well, but I don't want to reduce it to just that.

Spice Action: Basically bed spice, but at some point I realized it doesn't have to necessarily take place in bed or the bedroom, so… Probably self-explanatory, as it references how action can generally be used as a euphemism for the f word.

[fireofjudgement]

Mismatched (Part 1)

Fandom: All of us are dead

Pairing: Su-hyeok x f!reader, Gwi-nam x f!reader

Summary: You've had many bad dates in your life but the one with Su-hyeok was something you wanted to forget as soon as possible. With your career on the line and your whole life being a string of failures and disappointments, a boring relationship wasn't something you wanted to add to the mix.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: this fic is strictly 18+, minors and empty blogs do not fucking interact or you'll get blocked on sight, pre-zombie apocalypse/office au, swearing, mentions of vomiting, alcohol, cigarettes and weed, mentions of sexual harassment and one night stands, reader parties and drinks a lot, sexual content: grinding, kissing, groping, public sex, protected vaginal sex, sex with a stranger, additional tags to be added in the next chapters

A/N: here it is, after I kept talking about it for so long! I really enjoyed writing this one, so I hope you will like it too. It's going to be my first longer series and I'm not sure how often I'll update it but if you want me to tag you for the next chapters, let me know! We're definitely in for a ride :)

--

Loser from Tinder [7:15 pm]: Hi y/n :) Thank you for a great night, I've had so much fun haha :) Hope to see you again soon!

Loser from Tinder [8:06 pm]: It's Su-hyeok by the way :)

Loser from Tinder [9:42 pm]: I hope you got home safe!

When your phone lit up with a notification from Su-hyeok for the third time that night you almost threw it against a wall. The only thing that stopped you was the ridiculous amount of money you paid for it. You really had to stop purchasing the most expensive products to impress people who didn't even care enough to remember your name.

The problem was that people who did care didn't impress you in the slightest. Like Su-hyeok for example. He was handsome, he was intelligent, he always said please and thank you and he opened the door for you every time. He listened to what you had to say, he was polite to the waitresses and he paid for dinner - the list went on and on. And yet..you found him extremely boring. You couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life with someone who had the personality of a chicken sandwich, no matter how nice he was and how well he treated you and everyone else around him.

You started thinking about your date earlier that evening. You didn't expect much, you never did when it came to your Tinder matches. A nice dinner, company to go see the latest movie, maybe a one night stand. Clearly he expected something else, something more. Something you definitely weren't ready to give yet, especially to a complete stranger. Thinking about it now, maybe you could have been just a little bit nicer to him. Yeah, laughing out loud probably wasn't the best reaction to him giving you flowers as soon as you arrived. It just seemed like too much. You made it very clear during your conversations that you're not looking for anything serious. It baffled you that he didn't seem to realize he crossed a line. And he kept crossing it, over and over again, even after your date was done.

Annoyed by his repeated attempts to contact you, you decided to do what you've always done in situations like these - ghost him. You didn't like confrontations, you didn't care what he would think of you and besides, you had more important things to worry about right now than hurting some random guy you matched with on Tinder while drunk. The restaurant he picked was too pretentious anyway. And why did he have to wear a tie? You couldn't stand how hard he tried, despite not even knowing you.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you refreshed the site. Still no response. You applied for your dream job over a week ago, after months of hesitation and self doubt. Now you started to think you should have listened to the voice in your head telling you to just give up and apply somewhere else. You couldn't help but sigh at the prospect of working for another crappy corporation that didn't give a shit about the employees, in a position you were overqualified and underpaid for, with people who had no other joy in their lives than looking over your shoulder, waiting for you to make even the slightest mistake.

And to think that you were once this energetic, goal oriented person who truly believed she'd get wherever she wants, as long as she works hard and treats people with kindness. Bullshit. A few years of unpaid internships and sexual harassment at your work place later, you realised hard work and kindness will only pay off if you match them with big tits and a sheepish smile. Who cares about passion, knowledge and experience when the most common corporate currency nowadays were blowjobs.

Why was life so difficult, so unfair? You worked so hard, always tried your best and so far it's gotten you nowhere. Unable to stop the tears that started running down your cheeks, you allowed yourself to dwell in your sadness, even if just for a moment. Crying wasn't a sign of weakness, you learned to accept that, even though it was difficult and the complete opposite of what your parents forced you to believe your entire life. But you were already sad enough, you should probably stop thinking about them. It's never done you any good.

You looked at your phone, it was 10:30 pm. Not too late to go out, have some fun. Maybe have a drink or two. Forget about your date, forget about your failed job application and about your parents. Forget about everything that was making you feel miserable, making you feel like you were a failure. And so, with newfound energy you got up and started to get ready. You didn't know where you'll go or what you'll do but one thing you knew for sure, the last thing you needed at the moment was staying home, alone with your thoughts and insecurities. Tonight you won't let them consume you. You'll try at least.

After putting on your favorite outfit and doing your hair, you left your apartment in search of something, anything that would help distract you but everything looked the exact same - every bar, every club, every restaurant. Every establishment played the same music. All the guests looked the same. Every man that tried approaching you was wearing similar clothes, talked in a similar way, used the same corny pickup lines. No, you did not believe in love at first sight, no he didn't have to approach you again. Yes, you did have a name and no, it wasn't "mine". You most certainly didn't fall from heaven recently.

You were tired. Maybe you should have stayed at home afterall. At least you could be yourself there. No acting, no pretending to be someone else to please people, make them like you. Why did it even matter if they liked you anyway? Why did you put in so much effort for people who didn't care? Maybe that's why you hated Su-hyeok so much. You two weren't that different. Unfortunately for him, he reminded you of everything you hated about yourself.

Fuck, you were still thinking about him. Why? It was time to move on but why was it so difficult this time? It's not like you had a good time with him, you didn't remember anything he told you about himself. Clearly, you needed more alcohol. Having visited most of the establishments you knew in the city, you were running out of options. Luckily a quick Google search provided you with a new address, a place you haven't been to before. Maybe that's what you needed. 

However, after you finally got there, you had to admit that it looked just like all the other places. Maybe even worse, with all the spilled alcohol and trashy music, the smell of weed, sweat and sex attacking your senses before you even entered.

Hesitant at first, you decided to go in, maybe it would look better on the inside. It didn't. It looked exactly like you pictured it. At least nobody there knew you, nobody seemed to care about you or the fact that your first drink quickly turned into two, then three..until you stopped caring too. You finally felt better, no negative thoughts clouding your mind. You felt free. Deep inside you knew those feelings were temporary, incredibly fragile but you chose to ignore that fact. It got easier with each drop of alcohol entering your system.

Before you knew it, you found your way to the dance floor, your body moving along to the music, touching and grinding against the people around you. You didn't care anymore if they all looked the same, if anything it will make it easier to forget them the next morning. You knew you'd want to forget just how many lips you allowed to touch yours, how many hands explored your body that night, how many sweet nothings were whispered in your ear. 

Just when you finally cleared your mind from all the trivial bullshit, finally lost yourself in the music, you found  something that might have been worth remembering. Or someone. You didn't know what it was about him but he looked different than all the other men you've met that night. Or any other night. Maybe it was the alcohol talking but you could feel your whole body warm up just from the way he looked at you. Like a predator waiting on his prey. And you fell right into his trap, without him even making a move. His sole presence made you want to be closer to him, touch him, let him take over control.

You didn't remember walking over to him nor did you remember what he said to you, you definitely didn't remember how the two of you ended up in the club's bathroom together but you were happy you did. Not only did he look better than other guys, he tasted so much better too and he was a good kisser. So much so that you couldn't wait for his lips to explore your whole body, your head tilting automatically, to give him better access to your neck and shoulders. Nobody you've seen that night, or the night before, could compare to him and you didn't even know his fucking name. It wasn't necessary though, his touch and kisses the best introduction, your bodies expressing more than any words could. 

Even with all of the alcohol in your system, you still made sure he was wearing a condom. There was no stopping you now, your clothes quickly getting pushed aside, his dick sliding into you and stretching you out before you could even blink. Your whimpers and moans muffled by his kisses, his lips never leaving yours as he pounded into you, your back slammed against the wall over and over again. Neither of you cared if someone would see or hear you, your pleasure was too overwhelming. 

It wasn't long before you felt yourself getting close to an orgasm, his dick hitting all the right spots inside you. You clenched around him, your legs wrapped around his waist desperately trying to make him go even deeper. You felt him smirk against your lips, it wasn't hard to notice just how needy and fucked out you were already. With a few more deep thrusts you were thrown over the edge, wave after wave of pleasure hitting your whole body. He came not long after, his lips still connected to yours, your walls fluttering around him making it hard to last any longer. 

After you both calmed down, an awkward silence fell between you. It wasn't your first quickie in a public restroom, obviously, but you couldn't help but feel like this time was different, you weren't sure why. For some reason you didn't want to leave a bad impression on him. Luckily, before you could say or do anything to ruin the moment, he quickly straightened his clothes before flashing you another smirk and leaving the now quiet place without a word.

If your body wasn't so sore, your thighs still covered in your arousal, you'd think nothing ever happened. That all of this was some sort of dream. When you finally left the bathroom, he was gone, no sign of him ever being there, ever speaking to you. Well, to be quite honest, you didn't talk too much, if at all. Downing one last drink, you decided you had enough for the night. It was time to go home and once again forget about everything that happened. 

You never remembered the way home or entering your apartment, or undressing and getting into bed. Each time you woke up past noon, smelling of sweat, sex and cigarettes, a bad taste in your mouth. Sometimes you'd throw up, sometimes you'd cry, remembering all the shit you've done the previous night. But today you woke up way too early, with a massive headache, tired and confused. What the fuck was that noise and why didn't it stop? 

It took you way too long to realise that it was your phone ringing. For some reason you put it right next to your bed. Too annoyed to ignore the call much longer, you looked at the screen. An unknown number. Who the fuck was trying to reach you at 8 am on a Wednesday? You finally picked up, ready to tell whoever was bothering you, to kindly fuck off, when you heard a soft female voice on the other end.

"Good morning, is this l/n, y/n?"

"Uhh..yeah?" You slurred, still unsure who the lady was and what she wanted from you. 

"Great! I'm calling regarding the application you sent to our company last week, do you have a moment to talk to one of our recruiters? They'd explain all the details about the position. If you're still interested, of course."

[rsmrymnt-tea]

Hiya!! Saw your tags about the plot hole and my brain started ticking away on it,,,,

I don't really have any solutions but I do have Thoughts so!! Also I love how thinking about anything in om for two seconds will make things just fall to pieces lol.

Anyway there's no way that Diavolo was convinced of a lie right? He's like a walking lie detector, I thought. It seems more likely that Dia just went along with Lucifer's lie in order to keep things running smoothly between them or smth. (Dia's probably smart enough to put together Lucifer's trauma about what happened with Lilith and how it would apply to that exact situation so)

It's the brothers that are more of a problem. As you said they probably would want to see Belphie off, and why would they buy no longer being able to contact him while he's in the human world?? I'm sure that they all know that something isn't quite right, but they're unwilling to go against Lucifer over a hunch. (I mean at the very least Satan's putting two and two together, mans isn't giving up an opportunity to play detective!!)

It also makes things more interesting for everyone to be aware that something's off, even if they don't know to what degree!!

Also,, is there a chance that Dola would tell anyone about meeting Belphie?? Could the other brothers somehow convince her to help him?? Maybe Beel when they're getting closer? Could Lucifer do something for Dola to develop a big enough grudge to be manipulated into freeing Belphie (or maybe just collecting the pacts? Could it work that she just acquires the pacts without the intent to free him but then lesson 16 happens and :/ you know..)

Uhh yeah that's what I've got.. I hope this ask can at least be a rubber duck for you if nothing else!!

((also I just want to say regarding your desire to delete your blog,, it might be better to just archive given how much Dola stuff you have on here?? Assuming you don't back everything up elsewhere lol. It's just I'm p sure you can't open "keep reading" on posts from deleted blogs and it would suck to lose those conversations yeah?? Anw hope you feel better soon!!))

- 🐝

It's actually like... Super interesting how it sort of feels like OM relies on you sort of forgetting about certain beats in between dance battles and having to grind your cards so that you can win those dance battles in the first place? Because when you go through everything in one go it's a bit more obvious where the story is really lacking... And if you go through everything in one go multiple times it really does make you go like.. Huh...

inb4 I get something like 'it's an otome what do you expect' bc we can want better... But that's what creating a completely different canon suited to your preferences is for, I guess (though I really really wish I could enjoy canon more...)

Anyway Nonnie thank you for letting me rubber duck because I think I somehow get to nicer conclusions when I'm answering an ask >.>

But yeah! I honestly think Diavolo has to have just gone with whatever Lucifer said to him (perhaps he like, words it in a way that's vague but true enough that it doesn't set off Diavolo's inner lie detector?) both because he had a feeling that Lucifer would do something to keep Belphie from doing something that'll inevitably get him imprisoned/punished by Diavolo himself and also because he would've known that it needed to happen? In Dola's canon he knows that it'll happen, at least. He has enough reason to let it slide, I guess...?

The brothers though, for real! Literally no way that they didn't catch on that something was up. We know Beel definitely kept trying to get through to Lucifer, but yeah I like to think that they were all aware that there's more to Belphie's silence than just him being busy because they can't be that shitty of brothers?? They're not that stupid either??? But I suppose everything considered... I think I can buy that they just couldn't bring themselves to bring shit up with Lucifer.

Because to everyone other than Lucifer, Belphie literally just disappears from the Devildom one morning before the exchange program even has the chance to bring anyone in??? From the sound of things, it's the night right after the decision to even have the program to begin with is approved that he goes to confront Lucifer about getting Diavolo to change his mind, which eventually ends in him being thrown and locked into the attic that very same night after he threatens to destroy humanity. And so the very next morning after Belphie's opposition during the meeting, he's just fucking gone and never heard from until however long it took for Lesson 12 to happen.

So what does that look like to everyone? shgdkjs Satan would be putting on his detective hat for sure while everyone tries to help Beel deal with the fact that Lucifer just sent Belphie on exile without warning :( I can see Satan actually trying to interrogate Lucifer on why the hell none of them can visit Belphie or how absurd it is that he doesn't seem the least bit concerned that he's not reaching out to any of them. I can see Asmo and Levi not being able to bring it up at all out of fear, and Mammon I can see trying to bring it up in a more casual way that ends up guilting Lucifer more, which probably gets them into a fight..? I wish we got more of the brothers giving a shit about Belphie being missing tbh...

Maybe it just speaks to how fucked up the brothers' relationship to Lucifer and each other was. Mostly to Lucifer. Would definitely add so much more tension around the house and give a clearer reason to the brothers agreeing to making pacts with MC/Dolasach for Belphie's sake, at least? If like... Dola ends up saying she wants the pacts for Belphie's sake...

hdfjkghdsf NONNIE!!!! omfg good point on Lucifer doing something that'll get her pissed the fuck off enough to agree to help Belphie out of sheer spite??? Because Lucifer literally nearly kills her down in the underground tomb in the very same arc where she/MC ask Beel for a pact sdhkjdfgh Like hello???

Because the struggle has been about how very much on-guard she would be once Belphie somehow shows up in her dreams. So far I've determined that he plays it safe when it comes to trying to manipulate her because she immediately knows that he's the seventh brother she hasn't met yet and also the voice calling out to her from somewhere in the attic. He's honest about who he is, where he is, and what he needs from her; the only lies being what exactly his reasons for disagreeing with Diavolo's goal of uniting the realms is (him saying something that actually kind of checks out and his negative opinions of Diavolo's naivety vs his personal, deep hate for humans) and what he plans on doing once he's out. In the game he's open about how stupid he thinks MC is but I think he'll switch gears when he realizes that Dola's like... Not that kindhearted or willing to put up with anyone belittling her? Belphie's crazy smart, and knows that Dola's his main ticket out of there (which is why I realize he probably can't get away with terrorizing her too much in her dreams? At least not obviously anyway, because if she even thinks about tattling there goes his chances).

But the final barrier would be her sense of self-preservation. "Why would I risk doing this for you when it'll get me caught in the crossfire of something that could easily kill me?"

Then she's almost killed by Lucifer, and that just sends her into an enraged spiral of thinking he's out of his mind for many reasons and also makes her give less of a shit about possibly dying in the process of proving a point to him. Which I think checks out? I think helping Belphie would start off as a lie though, just a reason to get Beel to agree to a pact with her. In truth she just wants to have a way to protect herself somehow and perhaps stick it to Lucifer that his brothers actually like and trust her enough to forge pacts without anything in exchange? Belphie mostly just gave her the idea of gathering pacts, but her intention really wasn't to help him.

Though I can see the lie slowly becoming true the more she and Belphie interact and the more she grows closer to the brothers and gets the revelation that like... Lucifer's like that because he's so trapped between so many difficult circumstances. And then it's eventually that actually closeness, the knowledge that this started because she was angry, and then all of it ending up in a mess that has her really trying to fix it all? Even more so when they actually call her family during the conversation where Lucifer finally tells them all the truth and it really gets to her, especially after how much she just fucked everything up for them.

ghsdkfjgshdfk I can't believe that I forgot about how much of a strong spite igniter that incident in the tomb with the grimoire would be... Like??? It's so fucking obvious lmfao it's already something that makes sure her relationship with Lucifer stays really difficult for a long while, why didn't I think of that being what pushes her to start collecting pacts...

Thank you so much for bringing it up Nonnie??? Omfg insane... I spent so much goddamn time trying to figure shit out last night like you wouldn't believe >.<

((Also!! Yeah I think the day I've had it with all social media, I'll likely just archive this blog or go on indefinite hiatus just in case I decide to peep in and come back to do more than just drop off art and leave. Feel like it'll still be a while before that though, for better or for worse I got people here I really enjoy interacting with that I just won't get the chance to anywhere else >w< Me wanting to delete always seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to feeling like I don't have enough control of whatever... The new 'I need to shave my hair' y'know? Usually spurred on by squicky shit getting through my filtered tags or feeling very alone in how I am as a person. Which sort of happens often on bad days and when I'm very tired.))

[kevamierequests]

Ummmm for fanfic ideas, idunno if you're a fan of angst? But maybe on their early stages of the relationship, kevin makes fun of acting, maybe he was ranting about some other teen he doesn't like (possibly stevonie 👀) and he says "they look like a nerdy theater kid, y'know?" And keeps on going

And jamie is really hurt about it. But he doesn't want kevin to think he's "not cool" and keeps it on the inside, getting more and more distant

This can grow into a argument, that can either end with kevin seeing he might have to learn to be nicer to people, or with jamie leaving, depending on how much ya like pain :D

Sorry if this isn't really creative (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) good luck with ur blog!

Sorry for taking so long lol

Avoidance

word count: 1,213

tags: angst, arguing, fluff, hurt/comfort,

:readmore:

“That’s confusing”

Jamie handed Nanafua the clipboard and a pen to sign for her delivery, looking up as he heard Kevin’s familiar voice. Looking around he saw him sitting at a table with Sour Cream. He was about to turn back to Nanafua when he heard Kevin say something else.

“They look like a nerdy theater dork, Y’know”

Jamie frowned, trying to ignore Kevin's comment. He knew he wasn't talking about him, but it hurt anyway. He turned back to Nanafua to see that she had signed her name.  Jamie looked back towards Kevin, as he walked towards the door, trying to avoid overhearing anything else. But he still caught parts of their conversation. 

He heard Kevin saying that he 'didn't get theatre' and that it 'sounded dumb'. 

“Then why do you like Jamie?” He heard Sour Cream ask

“I mean, he’s cute, but he’s a total dork” Kevin replied

Jamie turned away, trying not to let the words sting. He shook his head, trying to ignore the spiral of thoughts beginning to form. 

Jamie wondered why he even liked Kevin as he finished his deliveries.

He'd tried his best to distract himself with work, but the long walks to make deliveries only gave him more time to worry. The longer he spent thinking about what Kevin said, the worse he felt. He wished he didn't like Kevin, but the thought of his crush not liking him broke his heart. He'd been trying to avoid Kevin for the past week, hoping it would make his feelings go away.

It didn’t.

~

Kevin glanced at Jamie as he walked past, it was the first time he'd seen him all week. Jamie had been ignoring his texts, and they hadn't met during the week. He expected Jamie to at least acknowledge his existence, but he just brushed past him. Kevin turned to look at him in confusion, before turning back around.

Kevin wondered why Jamie was avoiding him as he made his way home, trying, and failing, to keep himself from panicking over it. He eventually resolved to ask Jamie to do something with him, sending him a text before he laid down on his bed.

Kevin woke with a start as his phone buzzed underneath him. He hurriedly picked it up. His face practically lit up before falling when he realized it wasn't Jamie. He pushed down the feeling of disappointment rising inside him. Kevin sighed and dismissed the notification.

He checked the text he’d sent Jamie, which had been left on read. He looked away from his phone, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he decided to text Sour Cream for some advice.

Kevin: hey, I need some advice

Kevin: I'm pretty sure Jamie has been avoiding me

Sour Cream: maybe he met you

Kevin: I'm serious! He hasn't answered any of my texts and he's barely glanced at me

Sour Cream: I dunno

Sour Cream: go ask Garnet she's good with relationship stuff

Kevin: uh ok

Kevin groaned and rolled over. How the hell was he going to find Garnet, he barely knew what she looked like. Kevin sighed and pulled out his phone, texting Steven.

Kevin: hey do you know Garnet

Steven: yeah, she's my mom

Steven: why

Kevin: I need to talk to her

Kevin: what's her phone number

Steven: I don't think she has a phone

Steven: also even if she did I wouldn't tell you

Kevin rolled his eyes before turning off his phone. Great. It took him nearly an hour of walking around to find her.

"Garnet!" He called out. "Hey, can I talk to you"

"Yeah, sure" she replied, looking mildly surprised "what's going on"

 "Uh... well..." Kevin started, fidgeting with his hands. "Do you know Jamie?"

Garnet raised an eyebrow, "Yeah"

"Well I kinda have a crush on him" Kevin looked away, feeling himself turn red "but lately he's been completely ignoring me"

Garnet nodded "he's probably upset about something"

Kevin scowled slightly "That doesn't really help me here"

Garnet laughed and ruffled his hair "Just talk to him, okay?"

"Uh, alright" Kevin glared at her but nodded.

~

It took Kevin nearly the whole day to find Jamie. He finally spotted Jamie walking away from a house. He ran up to him, panting slightly. Jamie turned around, surprise written across his face.

"What are you doing here?" Jamie asked, looking somewhat annoyed. Kevin winced and shifted uncomfortably under Jamie's gaze.

"We need to talk" Kevin mumbled, trying to seem more confident than he felt. Jamie's expression softened slightly 

"alright" he replied "but I have to finish my deliveries"

"Sure" Kevin agreed, jogging to catch up with Jamie. They walked in silence for a few seconds, neither knowing how to break the tension.

Finally, Jamie spoke "so, what did you want to talk about?"

Kevin hesitated before speaking "why are you avoiding me?"

Jamie looked away, his cheeks reddening slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped and closed it again. He stared at the ground as they walked in silence, which was only broken when Kevin noticed the tears falling down Jamie's cheeks.

"Jamie?" Kevin asked in concern, reaching his hand up to wipe the tears away "what's wrong?"

Jamie stepped away from him quickly, shaking his head.

"Why are you being nice?" Jamie snapped.

Kevin flinched slightly, he watched as Jamie wiped a tear from his cheek 

"all you do is make fun of me and now you care!?" 

 

Kevin froze "what?"

Jamie glared at him. "You're such an asshole Kevin"

"Jamie, wait-" Kevin reached forward and grabbed Jamie's arm "please I'm sorry"

Jamie's expression softened slightly, but it remained cold "no you're not."

Kevin let go and took a step back "I am, really, you're like the only other person I care about in this stupid town!"

Jamie paused for a moment, trying to figure out if Kevin was lying or not. When he couldn't come up with a conclusion, he looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. Kevin reached forward slowly, trying to convince Jamie otherwise.

"Jamie... please" he murmured. Jamie looked away, wiping at his cheeks. Kevin slowly cupped Jamie's face in his hands, wiping his tears away. Jamie stepped forwards and wrapped his arms around Kevin's waist, hugging him tightly, burying his face into Kevin's neck. Kevin held onto him tightly, trying desperately not to cry.

 

"Please don't hate me," Kevin whispered, burying his face into Jamie's hair to hide his tears.

Jamie shook his head, pulling away slightly so he could look Kevin in the eyes. Kevin could feel tears run down his cheeks. Seeing the fear in Kevin's eyes hurt him more than he thought it would, especially since he was usually so confident and cocky.

Jamie cupped Kevin's face in his hands and leaned in, their lips brushing against each other. Kevin gasped softly before kissing him. He pulled away after a moment, letting his forehead rest against Jamie's.

They stood there in silence, holding onto each other. It seemed like forever before either of them said anything. Kevin looked up, smiling at Jamie, who grinned back in response.

"I still have to finish my mail route," said Jaime "wanna come with me?"

"Of course," Kevin replied, kissing him quickly before following Jamie.

[starrybluez]

Tagged by @astarrynightinparis @music-on-canvas @fatal-plastic-kiss @whats-her-name-virginia-plain @wonhakwoon & @duranarchy-in-the-uk - thank you 💙💛💚💜💙💛

Rules: Answer these 20 questions and then tag 21 people you want to get to know better...

Nickname: I've been called numerous nicknames but I just go by Dina. I think my middle name is prettier and has a much nicer meaning, but no one's going to start calling me that now.

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Height: about average

Last movie I watched: “Where The Wild Things Are”. Another movie I wasn't into.

Last thing I googled: "Curacao", just to check if I was spelling it correctly

Favourite musician: Paul McCartney & Duran Duran are the main ones.

Song stuck in my head: “Everybody Is A Star” - Sly & the Family Stone; "Christine" - Siouxsie & the Banshees

Other blogs: @dcdesign-photography: all types of art, design, & photography. Some of it is my own photography with a small amount of art & design. Come give it a follow if you’d like. It’s sooo dead over there.💀👻 If anyone has any suggestions on how I could make it a little more interesting, let me know. And if you happen to have side blogs that are as dead as mine, let me know too! Here's one of my photos below to break up this monster of a post:

Blogs following: The blogs I’m following: 348 tumblrs.

Amount of sleep: I fall asleep, then I wake up and then I fall asleep again. I can’t keep track of that.

Lucky number: Favorite number is 4 but I don’t think it’s been so lucky.

What I am wearing: Comfy casual blue t-shirt, black yoga pants and purple slippers working from home for now.

Dream job: In a perfect world it would be something in design or photography. That’s hard for me to get these days because I’m not really “top of my class” in either of those fields. I still try to do both of them as side gigs though sometimes. If I could just find another office job that would be fine.

Dream Trip: Australia; Spain; Tuscany, Italy; and the English countryside

Favourite food: So many kinds. The best kind? Dark Chocolate.

Play an instrument: It used to be piano, but now it’s just my voice (no “Sing Blue Silver” jokes plz)

Languages: Fluent in English and just over 200 days into learning Italian. I am a long way from being fluent in it though. Both sides of my family are Italian and I still struggle.

Favourite songs: “New Religion” & “A View to A Kill” by Duran Duran; “Maybe I’m Amazed” & “Only Love Remains” by Paul McCartney. Oh but that last song I listed hits differently these days. 

Random fact: Well, I probably should explain why I always write “pls don’t reblog on almost all personal tagged posts like this. It’s mainly because I’d rather not get a bajillion notifications that aren’t even for me but for the people who reblogged it from me. Anything else, it's fine, feel free, duran stuff, any kind of art crap on my art blog, go right on ahead, please. I say this because there were people who thought I didn't want them to reblog anything! 😮 No, anything that doesn't say "don't reblog" is fine. I also noticed that I accidentally turned off my ask option and it was off for I don't know how long. So go ahead, ask away!

Describe yourself in aesthetic things: blue & purple starry stuff, dark blue skies, sunsets, night skies, bright colors, modern art, impressionism, abstract art, old architecture, colorful flowers, animals, lame awkward dad jokes, too many tags, rainbow colors, mostly retro music, vintage (I cringe when anything from the 90's is tagged as "vintage" urrghh let me just crawl under a grave 💀👻 but I have to remember most people on here were either just born then or not even born yet. I still just consider anything up until early 80's to be vintage lol). I think that's about it or at least what I can think of!

I don't know if I can think of 21 people since most of the folks I tag have already tagged me! 😂 I'll tag a few though...to do only if you'd like! Tagging @slashscowboyboots @see--emily-play @soundsof-thunder @sotheredrhodes @sharkeysnight @aprilaady @discreetmusic @musicacuantica @medazzabon @ourfracturedomens and anyone else who wants to do this (if you've already done this just ignore it)!

*pls don't reblog

[nickyyyy]

Tag Game

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag blogs you would like to get to know better (or don’t it’s up to you!)

Nickname(s): Nicky, Nick

Gender: ...yes

Sign: Gemini

Height: 5′ 1′’

Time: 5AM

Fav band(s): Steam Powered Giraffe, Bear Ghost, 21 Pilots and many more! (I honestly just forgot the names bc I listen to any music that are bops to me lmao)

Fav solo artist(s): Mitski, Chloe Moriondo, Dodie Clark, Upsahl, Marina and The Diamonds and many more!

Song stuck in my head: "12345sex" by Upsahl and "Good in Bed" by Dua Lipa

Last movie I saw: "My Little Pony : New Generation" (I love the animation and the characters! didnt't like the storytelling tho, and it was just so meh story wise or whatever?? I guess it's ok since it's kinda like an intro for the new gen. it would've been nicer, I think, if it was a different story altogether and not at all connected to gen 4)

Last show I watched: OUAT, I am actually watching this for the first time! I'm at S7 and kinda like making myself not finish it so soon bc I will feel empty if I did.

When did I create my blog: I actually don't know...maybe 2017?

What do I post: OUAT (mainly SwanQueen), Mirandy (a bit) and anything that I wanna post

Last thing I Googled: before I was googling the bands for one of the questions here it's "Emma Swan". I was drawing swanqueen :3

Do I have any other blogs: nope! just this one!

Do I get asks: barely! but the ones in my asks rn, they're prompts and I am gonna draw them I PROMISE. I just don't know when XD

Why did I choose my URL: when I was making my art accout on instagram I didn't like the first idea that I had. so I put in "Nicky" and it said that it was taken so I added "y"s till it just allowed me to make the damn account lmao (it took 4). I use that username in all my accounts now.

Following: 607

Followed by: 229

Average hours of sleep: uh 7-12 hrs (I don't know how I get away with this tbh)

Lucky number: 9

Instrument you play: Ukulele and Guitar!

What I am wearing: black t-shirt with Madonna's face on it (I think?) and my brother's shorts lmao

Dream job: Animator or Storyborard Artist!

Dream trip: Paris or Japan

Fav food: Sinigang and Adobo and Leche Flan (these are Filipino foods!)

Nationality: Filipino

Fav song: I don't have a fav bc it's so many

Last book I read: if fanfics count it's "To Sleep, Perchance" by Hypnobyl on Ao3

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: OUAT, DSMP aaaaand The Owl House! I was tagged by @theevilqueenreadstoo

I’m not really going to tag anyone. If you see this and want to take part of it then go ahead and feel free to tag me if you want.

Tag Game

I was tagged by @effortlesslyemma. Thanks! x

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag blogs you would like to get to know better (or don’t it’s up to you!)

Nickname(s): I don’t really have one.

Gender: Female

Sign: Virgo

Height: 5′ 6′’

Time: 6:24 pm

Fav band(s): Imagine Dragons, Panic! at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Little Mix, The Score, etc. (I have so many more but I don’t feel like listing them all out here.)

Fav solo artist(s): Ed Sheeran, Adele, Bruno Mars, Demi Lovato, etc. (Again, there are so many more but not listing them here.)

Song stuck in my head: Africa by Toto (Constantly stuck in my head.)

Last movie I saw: In theaters it was The Last Jedi & at home it was Ant-Man

Last show I watched: Agents of Shield

When did I create my blog: January 2011 or 2012 (Not exactly sure.)

What do I post: Marvel, Star Wars, DC (mainly Wonder Woman), and misc. posts.

Last thing I Googled: “Wonder Woman comics” (It was an image search for an edit.)

Do I have any other blogs: Nope, just this one.

Do I get asks: Yes, they’re mainly requests for edits, headers, or icons. Sometimes I just get asks about anything or if someone just wants to send something nice.

Why did I choose my URL: REY, duh.

Following: 670

Followed by: 2,102

Average hours of sleep: Somewhere between 5 to 9. It varies.

Lucky number: Idk, don’t really have one.

Instrument you play: None. I’m talent-less.

What I am wearing: A Captain America shirt & black shorts

Dream job: This constantly changes. Maybe a writer or graphic designer or something. (Unfortunately, I’m not that talented at anything, as mentioned before.)

Dream trip: Italy, see Rome.

Fav food: Fettuccine Alfredo pasta.

Nationality: American

Fav song: Currently it’s This is Me by Keala Settle from The Greatest Showman

Last book I read: I don’t even remember. It’s been years. 

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Marvel & Star Wars. (But I don’t know how to fight and both of these universes are constantly in a state of war and chaos.)

I’m not really going to tag anyone. If you see this and want to take part of it then go ahead and feel free to tag me if you want.