#maybe I need to smoke a doobie

[beezleberry-breakie]

Gods and Monsters

James x reader

Warning: religious stuff (its more pagan than anything else), mentions of sexual assault, blood sacrifice, and cutting

xx Your kingdom had been in a pointless war with their northern brethren over some silly royal bullshit for years now. One is which you had lost everyone in your immediate family but your mother. After so many years of seeing nothing but bloodshed and having to mend the endless number of soldiers who cried for aid on your doorstep. Enough had been enough.

xx You began to research about the Gods of old. Stifiling through the old tomes within your home, whose pages had long since yellowed. Though no man in your kingdom had prayed to these gods for centauries. You knew these gods had no quarrel with entertaining mortal's prayers. They were ones' who were willing to take sacrifices to end any problem that was presented before them.

xx There were many tales of four Gods that soon surfaced in your findings. One whose vanity brought all in the kingdom to their knees. Another who could predict and send waves of death just from their fingertips. The third whose own presence cultivated sickness, each footstep rendering all around in bounds of pestilence. And the fourth. The fourth whose name was hailed as a god of war. Who once called upon could destroy nations. This one was who you decided to pray to.

xx Day after day, every morning and night you had prayed to this god. Offering goblets of your own blood to quench his dry throat. Begging that whatever you have would be his. Yet as the weeks passed, you received no reply, and each week the battles of war had waged closer and closer to your home. You refused to give up. Even when the long toiling from the days of tending to soldiers' wounds had rendered you sleepless. Even when the blood sacrifice had left you sluggish, sick, with scars littering your thighs. You knew that this god of old would hear you. He had to.

xx Time passed into months before the war had finally made it to your door step. The sounds of gurgling screams and metal slicing into skin echoing through the air. Soldiers within your home, scrambled from off their sick beds to seek shelter. To seek safety. They never made it far. You and your mother were captured. Now prisoners of war. Dragged to the enemy's general who deemed your knowledge of healing could be used to satisfy his own army.

xx There were days you both attended to the sick, but then there were days your mother had warmed soldiers' bed in order to preserve your own purity. In those nights, you prayed harder to your god of war. Tears falling as you heard the sounds of your mother forcefully satisfying the cruel soldiers in the camp. It never enough. Soon the appetite for one to satisfy all had grown tedious. Boring. Old. You were now in their sights. When they had dragged you from the medical tent, you screamed, cried, and fought only to be struck in the chest or stomach. It was all a sick joke as many of the soldiers laughed, chanting, taunting, and even pinning your crying mother to the earth, forcing her to watch what was about to befall.

xx One solider in particular had claimed you for first lay. His legs straddling over your lap, his hands ripping your clothes down to undergarments. A cruel bolstering laugh leaving his lips as he saw the scars on your thighs. "I hear you every night little mouse", he leaned forward, his all too warm hands pinning your trembling wrists above your head. "Your gods have abandoned you long ago. I am your god now".

xx Prayers fell from your lips as the loud jeers from the soldiers circled your form. Your eyes pinched in horror while you felt you oppressor pull your legs apart positioning himself to finally take you. There was no going back, your gods had long deafened themselves to your pleas.

xx "Please. Save me" a final whispered cry. Then

S I L E N C E

No sounds. The soldiers had seemingly disappeared. All that now surrounded you was blackness that rivaled even the night sky. Every whimper and cry you produced was swallowed by the darkening void, as if something was trying hard to muffle the noise. Had you ascended yourself to a plane of non existence as to rid yourself of what was happening to you? Or had you truly died during the brutal act? You sobbed harder.

Xx “Enough, my little lamb”, a soft touch to your cheek. You flinched against the hold, tears burning hotter as they flowed down your cheeks. A sigh. This voice…did not belong to the solider who was forcing to bed you. No. This voice vibrated the very scene around you, dark and grained like the the burning of a wheat field in the dead of night. You choked a sob, but the voice demanded silence. “No one will hurt you again little lamb”. Though you had refused to open your eyes; you could almost see the warmth that had wrapped around you, cradled your head, and spread through you body like fire. The feelings was almost sickeningly nauseating, like death had just brushed by. Yet, your exhausted form had welcomed it. Your arms circling around the warmth’s neck, face resting against its shoulder. “Please”, another plea, this one answered by a soft kiss to your forehead before a deep chuckle echoed into the void. “Only for you”.

GRAAAAAAWRRRR. Another one that I started a month ago and can’t finish but want to D:. Where has my inspo gooooooooooone. Anywaaaay this was suppose to be a gods/demon fic about James, Max, Xavier, and Seth. They were suppose to be said beings that reader prayed to for whatever reason selfish or not…may come back to this later as I have a constant hardon for all things supernatural. Sigh….obviously not hard enuff for this one but that maybe the burnout talking.

I do not own James, Max, Seth, Xavier, or the VN Bloodlust Devotion. They are @hotpinkmoon s babies

[jungle-angel]

While He Was Sleeping (Bob Floyd x Reader)

Summary: Bob's parents have been together for close to 30 years, but there's a little secret to how they met

Warnings: Weed smoking, concert shenanigans, Bob's uncles all being complete morons etc.

Notes: For @sorchathered for the RomCom prompts!!! I did kinda deviate a little bit from the story, but my darling, please enjoy (lol).

30 years........30 years to that day Bob's family had been together and you and him could hardly believe it.

The whole Floyd family had convened en masse to the ranch in Montana to celebrate, but at the end of the day it was just you, Bob and his parents, the four of you sitting out by the firepit in the waning evening light, the haze of late spring having set fully over Bozeman and the bright red disk of the sun fully visible in the sky.

"Holy hell what a day," Joe sighed as he pulled Irene close to him.

"Good day, Dad?" Bob asked him.

"Yeah, just exhausting," he said. "Wasn't expecting that many people to show up."

"I'm surprised your brother's brain still works," Irene chuckled as the flames crackled.

"What do you mean?" you asked, laughing a little.

"Bobby never told you?" Joe asked. "Jeez, I thought that story ran rife in the family."

You looked at your husband who in turn grew sheepish. "What happened with your uncle?"

"Um......I.....I don't remember......" Bob said, trying to hide the laugh that was threatening to come out.

"Oh I do," Joe chuckled. "Eyeballs, you remember this one?"

"Oh indeed I do," Irene laughed. "Because that's the story about how we met."

Your eyes went wide, yourself smiling as your jaw hung open.

"Alright, my guess is it's storytime," Joe said, making himself comfortable in the Budweiser camp chair. "Back in the late 70s, me and my brothers decided we were gonna sneak into a Doobie Brothers concert with a few friends of ours."

"Summer of '79 right?" Irene queried.

"Yep," Joe replied. "Us five idiots had piled into the back of our friend's Vista Cruiser and headed off to the stadium to go see'em in Oklahoma City. Concert was great, until Chris decided he was gonna actually smoke a doobie."

You and Bob laughed a little bit. Bob's uncle, Chris, had always been the straight laced one in the family, a very well respected police officer just like Bob's brother, Michael.

"Anywho....." Irene said, giving her husband 'the look'.

"Anywho," Joe continued. "Chris is high out of his mind by the time the concert gets out and walks himself right into a fuckin lamp-post on the way back to the car. He's not moving of course, so we've gotta book it right to the hospital. We get there and the nurses completely freak so they test him and fin out he's concussed."

You and Bob both grimaced at the image.

"So us idiots are waiting," Joe explained. "When lo and behold I see this gorgeous lady coming in because a friend of theirs was so loaded that she ended up eating shit on the pavement."

You and Bob shouldn't have laughed, but you were, the two of you letting out a piggish snort.

"Oh my God," Irene laughed. "Cheryl Anne was more than loaded. She was giving the nurses a hard time and I needed some air."

"So she goes out and I'm thinking that maybe I should talk her up a little bit," Joe chuckled.

"Yeah, Chief Running-Of-The-Mouth is hitting on me while his partner, Afraid-Of-Crotch-Hair is near the dumpster and has just lit his pants on fire," Irene remarked.

"Nobody knew he had a lit roach in his pocket, dear," Joe reminded her.

By this time, you and Bob could barely breathe, let alone stop laughing. "Dad what the hell.....?" Bob squeaked in between laughing fits.

"Do you even remember what we were talking about that night?" Irene asked Joe.

"I think it had something to do with the furniture," Joe theorized. "You were leaning kinda funny on it."

"There was something else too," Irene added.

"What was that?" Joe asked her.

"Chris asked me when it was the two of us fell in love," Irene told him. "I told him it was while you were sleeping."

Joe's forehead came to rest against Irene's, and yours against Bob's. Who would have thought, that his father had found the same romance that the two of you had found all those years ago.

[helloiamadrawer]

Kinger 👑 Tweaking CRACK HEADCANONS

triggers/warnings: drugs (weed in general nothing too hard) cigarettes, mainly kinger just trying to cope from all the shit going on in the digital circus DON'T DO DRUGS PEOPLE

A/N: THESE ARE ONLY CRACK HEADCANONS I LOVE KINGER TO DEATH ISTG (BUT NOT MORE THAN CAINE THOUGH)

First things first, where did he get the drugs from? well, it's easy Zooble's room but it's actually in her endless box of spare parts she puts on her and we know SOMETHING has to have a stash of hiding somewhere.

Caine would definitely waste his time doing this if he knew Zooble had drugs but shhhh..we'll pretend he's dumb for one day okay?

Kinger has been having rougher times at the digital circus more than usual, plus the lingering paranoia of abstracting like Kaufmo on top of that just makes it worse for his mental state. He just needs to find something new to do instead of Caine's insane adventures. So what does he do? Go to Zooble's room for advice.

"Well, I was going to give this to you at a later time if you were reallly going over the edge but you do not tell a single soul about this. Caine will throw us in the cellar for a year and a year goes very slow in the digital world." she threatened as she slides him a small bag of weed and some pieces of paper . Kinger blankly stares at the pouch and just says, "oh."

He shoves it in his robe pocket and heads back to his room. He lays it out on his bed and ponders about if he should do it now or tomorrow.

Next morning, he decides to try it after another treacherous adventure, tired, he takes a palm full of the chopped cannabis and rolls it up in the paper like a joint. Mans was really doing this but hey, beats anything but getting abstracted. In the middle of the night, he knocks on Zooble's door, she grumpily opens it and sees the chess piece holding out the joint to her as he asks, "Do you have a source of fire to light this?"

"Oh, i forgot about that, come on in, I gotta find a lighter anyway in my box so it may take a minute." she whispers until she closes the door behind Kinger. She pops out her normal arm and her claw arm holds it as she inserts it into the Zooble Box, searching for her lighter.

Should he really be doing this? I mean doing drugs never really existed to Kinger until Zooble came around, he was just collecting insects and hanging out in his pillowfort, but thats when the day Pomni came in and then Kaufmo got abstracted and after that day he feared of himself becoming like that so nothing really took his mind off it.

Maybe I should leave, I can try and find something else

"Ah-ha! Gotcha!"

Zooble's triumphant outburst made Kinger almost jump out of his robe. "AH! Zooble, you found the lighter, good.". She flicks the lighter switch and lights up Kinger's joint as a line of smoke puffs out from it.

"Now, you can't leave my room with that, Caine will find out what we're doing if he sees this, so take a hit..you'll know exactly how I deal with this bullsh$t around here a little bit more easier." Zooble states as she rolls up a joint and lights it for herself.

Kinger stares at the nowlit doobie and takes a puff from it...

PART 2 will be in effect for later and it's going to be angsty and it'll be my first angst piece of headcanons so it might take a while, see y'all soon!!

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hello! I love to read everything you write, I think you have a lot of talent!

A few days ago I watched episode 2 of the third season of CSI again, the last time I saw this episode I was a kid and honestly I didn't remember it very well nor did I pay much attention to it, but as an adult I was surprised by the way in which Haviland's lawyer humiliated Sara implying that she was nothing more than a climber who is where she is because between her and Grissom there is something sexual maybe and she does what he asks to accommodate the cases, that is, they didn't even attack her with Some mistake she made in the case or another case, it was a very low blow.

And then when Grissom goes up, the lawyer doesn't mention any of this to him! Basically it is implied that Sara is the slut because she is the woman, Grissom the boss does not receive any comment about this alleged manipulation of evidence that Sabra does in favor of Grissom, I would like to know your opinion about this. I also have another question, do you think that at some point Grissom knew what they told Sara on the stand? Because if one day he knew it, I imagine that mortified him and contributed to his decisions later, justifying himself that he did not want Sara to be treated like that just because she was in a relationship with him and people would stop respecting her maybe?

English is not my first language so , sorry for any mistake !

hi, anon!

thank you for your kind words! i'm so glad you enjoy my writing! and no need to apologize—your english is great!

so i will say up front, i've always quibbled with this particular story beat, not on account of the line of questioning itself—which, as i will discuss below, i believe is unfortunately fairly realistic, and especially for the early 2000s—but rather with the notion the defense lawyer even has all that dirt on sara to begin with.

i mean, looking at the scene in episode 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo,” there is literally no one around to see grissom and sara down by the building’s entryway, let alone to see them from a close enough vantage point to realize she is touching his cheek “in a romantic gesture.”

neither clifford renteria’s apartment nor the property manager’s apartment has windows facing the entryway area—just check out where the main door to the apartment complex is located compared to the position of the two units in the hallway when we’re shown grissom and sara entering the building earlier in the episode—so it’s unlikely warrick, brass, the police detail assigned to the scene, or even the suspect property manager (i.e., all of the people who even know who grissom and sara are and/or might give a damn about how they touch each other) would have been able to glimpse grissom and sara while they were all still inside and grissom and sara out.

and even if there were a police officer or some other lvpd or lab employee standing in the parking lot taking a smoke break or talking on their phone or something and they happened to witness the interaction from afar, why would they initially hold onto that information only to then later share it with an unscrupulous defense attorney in an extremely high-profile case much later on? how would the defense attorney even find them (or they find her)?

after all, the events of episode 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo” take place within the universe of the show on 10.02.01, while the events of episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled” take place on 09.21.02, meaning nearly a full year passes between the time when grissom and sara are supposedly seen touching and the first time that information comes publicly to light.

are we to believe what this hypothetical unseen lvpd employee witnesses bothers them so badly they remember it almost a full year later but somehow have never done anything about it in the interim?

after all, there is never any kind of investigation into grissom and sara’s conduct during the renteria case, much less disciplinary action initiated against them, throughout the remainder of s2, so obviously if someone in the department witnessed the interaction, they never formally reported it.

i mean, that’s part of why it’s such a shock to people in the department when six years later it comes out that grissom and sara have been carrying on this secret romantic relationship, right? because prior to grissom’s confession during sara’s kidnapping (see episode 07x24 “living doll”), there has never been any kind of definitive proof of anything ~unprofessional~ going on between them previously. departmental gossip concerning their weird, flirty vibes aside, no cut and dried evidence (much less a paper trail) confirming they either have been or are romantically involved exists. that revelation just seemingly comes out of nowhere, at least as far as the department administration is concerned.

why would this hypothetical lvpd employee decline to file a report and then turn around and “talk out of school” to a lawyer in an off-the-record capacity? why would they hamstring the department’s case that way?

the whole idea doesn’t make sense.

and the possibility of a “civilian witness” being the one to provide the information is likewise implausible.

i mean, sure, maybe one of the apartment-dwellers on the entryway side of the building or some rando standing in the parking lot might be able to look out their window or across the way and notice grissom and sara’s positioning, but if so, would they even know who grissom and sara are? and would they even realize sara touching grissom’s face was inappropriate? and even if they did, would they even care enough to go through all of the trouble to report it? and would they even be able to accurately identify grissom (with his baseball cap concealing his hair color) and sara, both of them under cover of darkness, to lvpd hr if they did?

doubtful.

and especially not given grissom and sara are at the time dressed like maintenance workers. i mean, how many people would get up in arms at two plumbers or movers sharing a tender caress outside of their apartment building? might strike someone as a bit weird but not necessarily as “forbidden” and “actionable.”

of course, even if said hypothetical random witness did somehow recognize grissom and sara’s inappropriate actions, take the initiative to contact department hr about the issue, and accurately describe them to the point where they could be positively identified, again, how would tom haviland’s defense attorney end up with that information almost one full year later?

this hypothetical witness would have had to report what they had seen to the crime lab hr department back in october ‘01, filing some kind of formal complaint, for there to have been any kind of record of grissom and sara’s behavior available in september ‘02.

the attorney then would have had to somehow gain access to this formal complaint during the events of the haviland case.

and, as discussed above, said hypothetical witness obviously didn't file any complaint, as no record of it is ever mentioned on the show and it never comes up during the proceedings of the case.

in the absence of such a report, haviland’s lawyers would have to interview basically every coworker, suspect, person-of-interest, witness, bystander, etc. in every case grissom and sara have ever worked together in sara’s (by that time) two years at the lab, asking leading questions to see if they could turn up evidence of anything ~untoward~ ever having happened between them, until somehow they struck pay-dirt with this unlikely hypothetical witness from the renteria case, who could then confirm to them, “oh, yeah, she did totally touch his cheek in a private moment outside the building.”

there's just no way this whole thing went down like that.

finding that person with that specific information would be like finding a single, specific grain of sand on a beach.

even if, based on grissom’s heart-struck reaction to finding out about sara’s relationship with hank, phillip gerard inferred his former pupil’s feelings for his young subordinate—and also perhaps her feelings in return for him, given how panicked she seems when the revelation is made—and went on a “fact-finding” mission, again, how did he turn up this information when no kind of formal record of it seems to exist?

while it’s somewhat plausible that, if properly plied, maybe someone at the lab might blab about how “oh, yeah, grissom and sara have always kind of had a ~thing~ for each other”—a la the comments the day trace tech, dorsey, makes to nick in episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors”—how does said blabbing lead gerard and the rest of the defense team to the information regarding the events of episode 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo”?

if they were solely working off of department gossip, the lawyers probably wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint one particular occasion when grissom and sara had crossed a line.

instead, their tack should have just more generally been to throw sara off by confronting her point-blank on the stand with the question, “are you in love with your boss?” forcing her to answer under oath.

but even then, that’s a really long-shot possibility, contingent on both gerard’s ability to accurately diagnose sara’s feelings for grissom, even without having known her previously, and him and the defense team again finding this hypothetical anonymous witness who is willing to provide intel to them (even though they are presumably on the opposite side of the case).

i mean, it’s not like they would have had time to subpoena anyone or depose them under oath, so this person would have had to speak out of their own volition. and why would they, if they were a lab employee? even if they thought grissom and sara’s dynamic was inappropriate, why would they go to the haviland team with that information rather than to hr, right in the middle of the case?

so.

all of the above is to say that, by and large, for as fun and dramatic as it is to have haviland’s lawyer blindside sara with that allegation regarding her feelings for grissom while she is up on the stand, it isn’t particularly realistic.

it just doesn’t really make sense for the lawyer to have that information—not when it’s so implausible that she could ever even know about the infamous episode 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo” chalk touch interaction to begin with.

but i digress.

suspending our disbelief and ignoring the gaping plot hole for the moment, as stated above, unfortunately, i do think the defense lawyer’s line of questioning to sara—and lack of a similar line of questioning to grissom—is otherwise very true to life.

more discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.

__

to me, if we ignore the issue of informational provenance, it rings very true that tom haviland's lawyer would, in the absence of actual professional errors on sara’s part, attempt to undermine sara’s credibility by making allegations regarding sara's romantic relationships with hank and grissom.

that she would frame the "hank moved the bra" thing in terms of sara and hank's sexual dynamic tracks.

that she would choose to make a personal attack against sara’s behavior around men tracks.

that she would try to paint sara as some kind of pathetic, lovestruck loser hung up on her much-older boss and willing to manipulate evidence to impress him tracks.

that she wouldn’t level any kind of similar claims against grissom (who isn't vulnerable to those types of offensives in the same way sara is, just by virtue of him being a man) tracks.

—and especially given the episode’s temporal setting in the early 2000s.

we need only look to the bill clinton affair for a real-life analog.

in 1999, just three years prior to when this episode takes place within the universe of the show, sitting american president bill clinton was discovered to have had a sexual affair with a white house intern by the name of monica lewinsky. the affair had begun in 1995, when clinton was forty-nine years old and lewinsky twenty-two. he was in a position of extreme power over her at the time, not only as her boss but also as the leader of the nation, widely considered the most powerful man in the world.

while clinton did face some political repercussions for his actions—most significantly, impeachment for lying about the affair under oath before a grand jury—in the court of public opinion, lewinsky was treated far more harshly than he.

at that time, the affair was known as “the lewinsky scandal”—not the clinton scandal.

for years afterward, lewinsky struggled to find work, despite having an excellent education and credentials otherwise.

she was the butt of meanspirited jokes disparaging her sexuality and treating her as a naïve bimbo at best and an opportunistic whore at worst on every late night and variety television show in the country.

vernacularly, “lewinsky’d” became a crude slang term to refer to a particular sex act.

people questioned why she would seduce such a powerful man. identified her as a gold-digging, hypersexual homewrecker whose libido all but brought down both a power marriage and a presidential administration.

even supposedly highbrow news organizations such as the wall street journal and new york times referred to her in print as “a little tart” and a “ditzy, predatory white house intern.”

—and this they did largely without smearing clinton to the same degree or on similar grounds.

the public attitude toward him was far less hostile, with the prevailing national sentiment seeming to be, “well, he shouldn’t have jeopardized his own career or embarrassed his political office that way, but of course he had sex with her! faced with that sweet, young thing flat-out begging for it, can you really blame him?”

he remained in office to the end of his second term. did not ultimately end up losing his marriage. maintained a prominent position with the clinton foundation. by the time of his wife’s 2016 presidential run, had had his image almost completely rehabilitated, to the point where the affair was (and still is) almost a footnote alongside his other mainline biographical details.

lewinsky has since talked about her treatment throughout the scandal, highlighting the inappropriate power differential between herself and clinton (“[he was] the most powerful man, my boss, forty-nine years old. i was twenty-two, literally just out of college. and i think that the power differentials there are something that i couldn’t ever fathom consequences at twenty-two that i understand obviously so differently at forty-eight”) as well as the unevenness of how they were, as the two primary figures in the scandal, treated by the media and the public.

in the wake of #metoo, lewinsky has finally opened up about how devastating the effects of this nationalized character assassination on her were, admitting she suffered from “strong suicidal temptations several times during the investigation and one or two periods after.”

and while of course the two situations are ultimately very different, not only in scope but also in the nature of the relationships themselves, one can easily see how sara’s experience in episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled” bears resemblance to “the lewinsky treatment.”

particularly in that pre-#metoo era, it was unfortunately very common for the women involved in public sexual scandals to bear the brunt of the judgment and consequences more so than their male counterparts—even when the men in question were older and in positions of power over them.

the tendency was to question why the actress would “willingly” lie down on that casting couch, not how come the male director even had said casting couch in his office to begin with.

it was the woman’s morals and motives that were questioned, not the man’s.

so from that perspective, i think what sara endures in this episode—in all its unfair, sexist ugliness—is, unfortunately, realistic.

she—as the young, attractive woman who supposedly has something to gain from seducing her much-older boss—is the obvious target for that particular line of questioning, whereas grissom—as the older man, whose response to said “seduction” would be viewed as “only natural”—is not.

as for the second part of your question, it’s hard to say whether or not grissom knows the exact nature of what is said to sara in court.

i don’t think sara herself would ever tell him the nature of the cross-examination, not only because she would be too scared/humiliated but also because, at the time, she is probably trying to avoid him as much as possible (given their recent awkward “you deserve to have a life” run-in).

and, obviously, grissom also isn’t present to witness that line of questioning play out in person himself.

however, even without sara fessing up or him being privy to what happens in person, he might still potentially hear tell of the debacle from someone else later on.

in the episode, nick, warrick, and catherine are all present at the courthouse prior to the scene where sara provides her testimony. though none of them is shown on camera while sara is on the stand, one or more of them could nonetheless be sitting in the courtroom gallery.

since the scene where catherine is on the stand takes place immediately after sara’s testimony is shown, she might be the most likely candidate to “witness the carnage.”

if she is present, of course, she doesn’t immediately relay what she hears to grissom when she returns to the lab.

still.

it’s not outside the realm of possibility she could at some point later on fill him in (even after the case has been wrapped).

and of course the same goes for nick or warrick if they are present for sara’s cross, as well.

likewise, grissom could also potentially learn that information retroactively for himself if he ever reads the court transcripts from the trial after the fact.

and if he does learn it, either way?

then i'm sure he’s mortified.

for as selfish as many of grissom’s reasons for maintaining his distance from sara during her early years in las vegas are, he has always had some awareness his reputation is not the only one on the line where them potentially having a relationship might be concerned.

he knows very well if they were to commence a sexual relationship and it were to become public knowledge around the department—either because they came forward with it of their own volitions or because someone found them out—then there would likely be fallout for her, too.

she could be fired and blackballed from the field just as easily as he could—if not more so, considering his reputation is already firmly established, whereas she is still an “up-and-comer.”

and even if she kept her job, her reputation still might be ruined.

people might question: did she come by her position and professional accolades on merit or did she get them by “sleeping her way to the top”?

grissom hates to think of how such a revelation might negatively affect her—that she, like monica lewinsky, might get branded as some kind of opportunistic strumpet or naïve bimbo, all for his sake.

honestly, even if grissom never learns of what happens during sara’s cross-examination in the haviland case, i’m sure these concerns are still never too far from his mind anyhow—he probably can’t help but think about how damaging being with him could prove to sara’s career every time they work a case like the one in episode 04x12 “butterflied,” where a younger woman having a relationship with an older male coworker gets painted with a certain unsavory reputation in their shared workspace.

certainly, these concerns might play a role in his repeated rebuffs of sara during s1-s4 and, in particular, figure into why he—subconsciously—is so averse to granting sara the key position promotion in s4.

and especially if he does learn about her experience on the stand. it’s easy for him to keep telling himself, “it’s better for both of us if we don’t risk it,” even though, in his heart of hearts, he knows that line of thinking isn’t true.

anyway, i've gone on for a while now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[hyvee]

Here’s my one piece playlist and yeah i’m going to explain each song below bc im on a road trip with nothing else to do

Dont Carry It All - pretty self explanatory i think… friendship and love forever ❤️❤️❤️

Feel Us Shaking - god it’s perfect. I love this song and it is literally abt one piece TO ME. Also maybe Ace specifically… (cries)

Stuck In The Middle With You - luffy and law’s friendship LMAO… specifically “clowns to the left of me jokers to the right” ….. caesar and doffy LOL

INDUSTRY BABY - desperately need to make an AMV. I can see it in my brain and it’s epic.

The Call - also self explanatory i think… maybe an emphasis on luffy and namis friendship… but also just in general very one piece coded to me.

What A Fool Believes - idk this might be a stretch but i like to thibk it’s abt sanji being manipulated by women LMAO? Anyway

Dreams - i mean.

Can’t Find My Way Home - About Zoro LOL. Drunk and lost. Maybe loosely zolu but to b clear Luffy is ace to me but i can see him and zoro only ever truly needing each other and spending the rest of their lives together so yeah.

Everybody’s Talking - about luffy 🥹❤️ soooo about luffy it’s HIS SONG to me.

Dancing In The Moonlight - one piece coded in general but specifically that Skypiea party ✨

Long Train Runnin - i think Franky would love this song. I want to show the straw hats the Doobie Brothers i think they would like them LMAO….WITHOUT LOVE….. WHERE WOULD U BE RIGHT NOW?

Listen To The Music - i wish the straw hats were real so I could listen to the doobie brothers with them.. WHAT THE PEOPLE NEED IS A WAY TO MAKE EM SMILE… AINT SO HARD TO DO WITH U AROUND! LISTEN TO RHE MUSIC! 😁😁

Kind And Generous - so many ppl r so grateful to luffy and crew. Do you understand. Rebecca would sing this to them

Aint Nobody Straight In LA - idk LMAO shits and giggles … Ivankov and Bon Chan would get down to this

Under The Milky Way - finding the one piece…!!! Also i think zoro would like this song

Heat Lightning - epic song for epic show.. also emphasis on Roger’s story… and Oden. And Wano in general too …. Idk a stretch maybe

Ghost Ship - just straight vibes , a lazy day on the sunny just chilling and having fun etc. I feel like Brook would especially like this song

Black Smoke Rising - very one piece in general but specifically Arabasta

City Of Angels - Can i say something. This is Zoro’s song to me and specifically he is singing it… i like to imagine he’s singing it. (horny)

Remember Summer Days - VIBES… HAPPINESS… also i think Robin would like this song

Catch The Rainbow - ok first of all i would like to say that this song is blatantly copying Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix but also it’s 6 minutes and Little Wing is like less than 2. Also i might just like it better. I’m sorry. Anyway it’s one piece coded

Holiday - COME ON…… also i think Usopp would like it specifically… also emphasis on heartbeat? Luffy’s heart beat? Hi. Is anyone reading this

Wraith Pinned To The Mist And Other Game- let’s all have fun 😝✨✨ let’s partay

Tubthumping - this song actually is about one piece like for real. Chumbawamba told me. Luffy gets knocked down but he gets up again. You’re never gonna keep him down.

Dreams - i mean.

Jackson - WORLDS FUNNIEST ZOSAN SONG… DO U SEE MY VISION. ZORO IS ORVILLE AND SANJI IS TRIXIE.

GONE GONE / THANK YOU - high AMV potential… specifically that bit at the end.

Never Ending Story - self explanatory

Upside Down - Luffy coded…. Also i can see sanji singing it for some reason

Bridge Over Troubled Water - this one makes me fucking crazy… luffy @ the crew but more importantly the crew @ luffy… !!!!! (sobbing)

[lyrics365]

내가 높은 이유 (Why I Get High)

Maybe get a drink at late night, Maybe get a G at a late night jinjeolmeori nago naji maennal I need energy so I get high Late night eolgul jjinggeuril piryodo nan eopseo naeil geokjeongdo jigeum hal piryo eopseo Smoking hella fxxking doobies, naneun eopseo jibe gandaneun saenggangma eojjeol su eopseo Bang oh hop on a car, eodi galji mollasseo hangguk jaemieopseo keunil nasseo haengbogeul don…

[simplyasimpformen]

There's a killer smoking my weed!

Getting home late from a long and grueling study session, for a stupid math test you had literally the next morning, you just wanted to relax and smoke some pot, maybe watch a movie even, before going to bed.

Taking off your jacket and hanging it on the coat rack next to the door, you threw your keys on the shelf nearby, kicking off your boots and walking towards the living room.

Turning on the lights in your house, you saw a man in black robes with a white mask sitting on your couch, beer in hand, a blunt in the other as he was busy watching a movie on your TV.

Confused, you called out.

"Is that my weed?"

Startled by your sudden appearance, the man jumped up, blunt still in his hand and beer bottle in the other.

Reacting a bit delayed, the man downed the left over beer before he broke the beer bottle over the coffee table and pointed it at you.

"Uhh- look guy, if you're gonna steal shit, can you like.. I don't know, come another day? Today just isn't my day, but, if you wanna kill me, dala what you must, brother.", You said, a tired look covering your face.

The man hesitated for a second, looking like he was about to do something before reconsidering it.

He then slowly looked at the half smoke blunt before looking back up at you and offering it to you.

"You look like you need it more then I do.", He said, his voice deep and raspy.

Taking the blunt from his hands, you took a puff.

☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎☠︎︎

Sitting on the couch, beer in hand, doobie in the other while watching Nightmare on Elm street next to a literal serial killer never felt this good.

Not that you've ever done it before.

Screaming at the victims stupid moves, and then laughing when they got caught.

"Ya'know- *drag* Freddie looks like he's packing a good 9 inches *exhale* change my mind.", You said, passing the roll to the man next to you.

"NAHH- he looks like it's built like a crushed soda can.", He said as he took a drag, passing it back to me.

"Are you madd?? Daddy Krueger is packing, bro- if I didn't know any better I'd probably think he was a horse.", You said, taking a drag and then a sip of beer.

"Nope, Grandaddy Krueger is built like a mushroom.", He said.

"I'm not gonna argue with you, because I know if I continue this conversation, I might get killed.."

"Didn't you want to die, like- 10 minutes ago?", He asked, confused.

"Not really, I just wanted to smoke a blunt, but feel free to kill me before my math test tomorrow.", You said, taking a long drag from the blunt.

"Aight then, it's a date."

"Sheeshh- did I just get a murderer to simp for me??"

"Don't push it."

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[bbrandy2002]

Fools Rush In

Part Seven

I’m participating in Wacky Drabbles prompt #57: There is no happy ending to this.

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Series Premise: With two weeks until Liam is to marry Madeleine, the guys throw him a bachelor party in Vegas. After a drunk night, he finds himself with way more than he bargained.

**MC did not exist in Liam’s social season. OC lives in Las Vegas.

Word Count: 1926

TW: Drug usage, std mention, who’s the daddy, and I think thats it.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely prereaders for calming my fears and assuring me this wasn’t terrible. Also, thanks to @dcbbw for an idea she had that I was finally able to put in this.

Permanent Tags: @burnsoslow​ @dcbbw​ @ao719​​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @texaskitten30​ @drakesensworld​ @janezillow​  @merridithsmiscellany-blog​ @mskaneko​ @loveellamae​ @queenjilian​ @sirbeepsalot​ @pedudley​ @caroldxnvxrs​ @jovialyouthmusic​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @desireepow-1986​ @bebepac​ @kingliam2019​ @lovablegranny​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @amandablink​ @blueaster-blog1​ @liamxs-world​ @choiceskatie​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @charlotteg234​ @twinkleallnight​ @annekebbphotography​ @txemrn​ @thecordoniandiaries​ @alyssalauren​ @cordonianroyalty​ @monsoonblooms12​

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Their lips locked together with a pang of intense hunger and passion on a level neither had experienced before.

Liam's fingers tangled through her long dark hair that felt like ribbons of silk twisted around each one while his other palm caressed her sleek jawline.

It wasn't their first kiss or the first taste of the other. Nor was it their first touch or fiery embrace.

But it was the first one they remembered.

And every second her sweet, succulent lips were on his was like a spark igniting over and over again, shooting tingles of heat that rippled from his blazing tongue, down the ridges of his spine, and into the furthest reaches of his curled toes. 

It didn't make sense to Liam—that feeling. That craving. That overwhelming desire to please and shower her with a tenderness that would clear away all the hurts and heartache. To erase that sadness he had just witnessed in her eyes. 

He didn't know her, but he didn't have to. It just felt right.

Something about this woman pressing her slender body against his, melting into Liam's every hold on her while the essence of her freshly washed hair lingered in the air like a crisp spring rain, made him want to protect and care for her. 

The moment she uttered her first words to him the previous day in a crowded nightclub, he sensed it. A connection that had since grown stronger. He tried to brush away that fact because Riley was a stranger he met and married during a drunken night in Las Vegas, knowing the easy thing to do was end it and marry Madeleine. 

Liam didn't want to do the easy thing, though, not when he finally felt this whole. She was like the missing piece of him he never thought he'd find. It was utterly ridiculous to feel that way already. But in his arms, engaged in a passionate kiss with him, was ... his wife. Suddenly he was proud of that.

Riley's hands moved from their grip at his sides, slid up to his broad chest, gently pushed away, and broke the seal they had on each other. 

Through labored breaths, his heart still pounding, he willed himself to speak "Riley. That ... was ... incredible."

Liam drew her close again, his fingertips lightly brushing across her forehead, sweeping stray hairs to the side while he searched longingly into her wanting eyes.

Riley swallowed, wanting more than anything for him to lean down again and place his tender lips against her sentient skin. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him into her closer. She shuddered as his heated breath bounced off the skin that covered her collar bone, and his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt.

It felt so damn good to have a man desire and want her after so long. But it was so much more than that; it was just Liam. 

It was Liam. Which is also why she had to stop.

Riley pulled away again, leaving him to stare at her perplexed.

"What's wrong?" He asked breathlessly.

Her fingers lightly crimped and rolled the bare skin below her neck while she searched for words. What was wrong? She was incredibly attracted to Liam. He had been amazing to her since they met. And oh my God did she want him. But she couldn't shake her thoughts of those 'what if's' and self-doubts. She would never be good enough for him. In her mind, Liam deserved the best, and that wasn't her.

Riley stammered, "I ... um, need to pack." She looked around the living room, still flustered and reeling from their moment together. Tripping into tables and chairs, she let out a random nervous laugh that made Liam's eyes widen, still unsure what the hell was going on as she pranced around grabbing remotes, a vase, and drink coasters.

Liam raised his brows in bewilderment. "Riley? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes! I'm great. Never been better." Stopping to pick up a lamp, Riley saw the look on his face, staring at the items that had piled up in her arms. She glanced down and chuckled heartily again, clearly high-strung. "What the hell am I doing? I don't need this stuff in Cordonia? Do I need this stuff in Cordonia? You probably have a ton of lamps and coasters already. Am I talking too much? I'm talking too much, aren't I? What am I even saying right now? I'm just going to leave this stuff right here, because ... you don't need them." She paused with a timid grin, then dropped the items onto the sofa with a clang, turned and shuffled out of the room.

Liam scratched the back of his head and uttered to himself, "What in the blue Bianca F. Walker was that?" 

There was more to that outburst than just needing to pack, and he knew it. Riley told him she couldn't make him happy just before that kiss they shared and was seemingly projecting her feelings away from him. It was clear from that kiss that she felt the same way about him as he did her, but was letting fear grapple her heart and mind.

If she was going to Cordonia to save him, Liam decided he'd slay those barriers she built up and save her too.

But why?

Placing the stuff Riley dropped on the couch onto an end table, Liam flopped down onto the sofa. The lustrous rays of a setting sun coming through the window behind him projected a warmth on his back that matched his heart. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. 

Riley wasn't perfect and didn't pretend to be, which was refreshing compared to the women he was used to. She knew nothing about Cordonia, how to be a Queen, maybe a bit of a hot mess, and knew very little about him. How could this ever work out?

Liam sat up and propped his head on the back of the sofa, replaying those facts over and over in his mind. So many things could go wrong, he thought as he let out a heavy breath. "But, she's the one."

A half-hour later, Riley fumbled out of her room, rolling a suitcase in both hands, and a carry on bag hung crossways over her shoulder. Liam took both suitcases and assured her he would take care of anything she forgot or needed.

After loading everything in the trunk of the limo, Liam whistled for Leo, who was lying on his back in the neighbor's yard and passing a doobie to an 80-year-old man named Burt he hustled pot for.

He popped up to see his ride leaving then quickly rose to his feet. "That's my bro; I gots ta go." Leo looked down at the man with the long white beard and asked, "Anymore words of advice, Dumbledore?"

The old man stroked his beard then took a hit off his joint, blowing plumes of smoke that faded with the wind. "Never put your hand where you wouldn't put your willy, son."

Leo pondered on those words, then nodded and patted his chest with his fist. "Word."

"Take it easy, Weasley!" The man waved as Leo headed for the limo.

With everyone ready to head to the airport, the chauffeur closed the door behind Liam. 

Liam had a million things he desperately wanted to discuss with Riley, mainly what he knew they both were feeling, but they were at zero hour. He had to prepare his new bride for what laid ahead and her new role as one half of a ruling monarch. Even if only a temporary one. 

Reaching over his shoulder, Liam grabbed the seat belt and snapped it in place. He glanced over at Riley, who was sitting next to him, searching through her purse for Visine to clear Leo's bloodshot eyes. They were starting to scare her. 

She must have felt his eyes on her because she looked back at him in time to see the beaming smile leveled at her.

"You ready, my Queen?"

Riley drew in a deep breath with a shrug; there was a hint of uncertainty, but hope was written in her eyes. "I think so ... my King."

_________________________________

Drake stared at the picture of three identical little boys who looked like they were ready to raise hell. The photo shook in his hand as the rage in his veins continued to build-up. "That fucker is dead when I see him. So help me, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of Leo."

Drake's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out to read a message from Liam saying they were headed for the airport.

As he relayed the message to Maxwell, they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Maxwell jumped up to answer it and looked through the peephole. With eyes widened, he turned and gestured with his thumb at the door and exclaimed through a loud whisper, "It's Pinquee Kittee!"

Drake stiffened then shook his head. "What the hell could she want? If she came back for more, she's shit out of luck. My hardware is fried because of that woman." He tossed his phone on the counter next to his wallet and grabbed the pharmacy bags. "I'm gonna go apply my ointment before we go. Get rid of her, Beaumont."

Maxwell nodded then waited for Drake to clear the room before he answered the door. "Miss Kittee!" he greeted with exuberance before shouting over his shoulder, conspicuously, "If you're looking for Drake, he's not here."

The gray-haired woman whose wrinkly face and sagging jawline creased even more when she scowled. Pinquee Kittee removed the cigarette dangling from her mouth and spoke with a husky voice, "I just came for my casserole dish and ..." She reached inside her tube top and held out a credit card. "To give this back to my client. I swiped it during  ... the cunnilingus."

Maxwell’s hands shot to his face as he hurled a little in his throat. Taking a moment to collect himself, he grabbed the card from her hand and inspected it. "Hey, this is Liam's card."

She waved her cigarette wielding hand in front of her. "Not my beef. Now, where's my dish? It's CorningWare. Shit's pricey."

Maxwell turned and walked into the kitchen to get her dish out of the dishwasher, with her following behind.

Satisfied with her item retrieval and a whirlwind of white smoke trailing behind her as she left, Drake crept out of the bathroom a minute later and looked at Maxwell. "She gone?"

Maxwell nodded. "Yeah, she picked up her casserole dish and brought back Liam's credit card."

Puzzled, Drake cocked his head and asked, "Liam's credit card? How'd did she get that? It's in my wal ..." His eyes roamed over the kitchen bar counter frantically. "Where's my wallet? And my damn cell phone?"

They both glanced at the door at the same time, knowing she was most likely long gone by now.

Drake dropped his face into his hands. "This was supposed to be a fun trip, Max."

Maxwell frowned and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Between the sexually transmitted diseases, a summons for child support on kids Leo most likely fathered, and now your wallet and cell phone have been stolen by your hooker, there is no happy ending to this trip for you, Drake." He pulled the handle of his luggage up. "Come on, buddy. Shuttle's waiting. Let's get you home and rest."

[greensparty]

Talking with Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz of Weird Al Yankovic’s band

One of the biggest concert tours right now is Weird Al Yankovic. How can you not want to see a Weird Al show right now with everything that is happening in the world? I caught up with Al’s longtime drummer Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz via zoom recently. The last time we talked was in 2020 just before the release of his photo book Black and White and Weird All Over. Jon and the band are currently on the  Unfortunate Return of the Ridiculously Self-Indulgent Ill-Advised Vanity Tour, which is a tour of mostly original non-parody songs.

Mr. Schwartz is one of the rare subjects I have interviewed more than once for this site. He was extremely generous with his time and I plan to save portions of our interview for later this year when his next photo book is released, but I’m getting ahead of myself. We caught up on Zoom while Al’s tour was in New England. 

Schwartz (second to right) with Weird Al Yankovic (center) and the band at Al’s 2018 Hollywood Walk of Fame Star ceremony

Me: The tour has been going good so far?

JBS: Yeah, so far its going good. 6 or 7 shows in of 133. We rehearse everyday, but we do different songs every night. A different set list every night, there’s about 35 to 40 songs we choose from. And until we have done them a few times and gotten them under our belt, its different than rehearsal. Once we get that settled, we’ll be in a nice groove. I mean we’re already feeling pretty good.

Me: You and the band are currently on The Unfortunate Return of the Ridiculously Self-Indulgent, Ill-Advised Vanity Tour, which is a tour of mostly original non-parody songs. How did this tour come about?

JBS: We did a version of this in 2018. The differentiation of this and our other tours came about because we didn’t have a new album, so we needed to change it up a little bit. I mean, the fans would’ve been fine with seeing us do the same thing we have done over and over. But what we’re doing on this tour is changing it up and bringing in a lot of stuff - in 2018, a lot of things we hadn’t played before live. Things we had to learn how to play and re-learn how to play. There’s no videos, no costumes, no nothing. Its just the five of us onstage just playing. Al has an accordion he’s playing on almost every song. He’s playing parts he wrote that he’s never had to play before cause we always had it covered, now he’s up there and he has to work along with us. In 2019, we did the Strings Attached Tour, where we did the show again with videos and costumes with an orchestra. Based on the success of the No Frills Tour as we called it, we brought it back this year. We’re doing a lot of the same songs that we did in 2018. Different set list every night. And we also do, every night just a straight cover song: “Smoke on the Water”, “Honky Tonk Woman”, “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” and a lot of classic rock songs. There’s like seventy-seven of them we did in 2018. This year we decided not to learn, one-hundred-seventy-seven new songs (there’s a lot of dates on this tour). So we pulled a lot of the songs we did on that tour and do them maybe three times on this tour. We do them as close to the original as humanly possible with the instrumentation that we have. The idea of us being like a bar band, if its a Stones song obviously we can pull it off. If its a song with a lot of horns or voices, then it’ll be more of a stripped down version. The other night we did “Glad all over” by the Dave Clark Five, last night we did “Last Train to Clarksdale” by The Monkees, we’ve done “China Grove” by The Doobie Brothers. It’s unusual because you don’t hear Al do a straight cover song the way it was done. Either the words are different or it was intended to be funny. So this is new for us. So far, the shows are selling out. It’s a theater tour, so we’re looking at 1200, 1500, or 1800 seaters. The cool thing is we are ending the tour on October 29 in New York City at Carnegie Hall. We had been invited to do that in the past but due to logistics it wasn’t affordable. It would’ve been very expensive to put on our show. Now we’re coming in as five guys sitting on a stage, so this is our chance to do it. It’s very cool, we’re really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, even though we’re looking forward to it, its the end of the tour and we’re going to be beat. Six months with no breaks, we’re basically doing five shows a week. But wherever we’re at, I think we’re going to be really excited and its going to be a great show.

Schwartz in 2021

Me: There’s been a lot of debate within the music community (both musicians and audiences) about whether or not to tour right now. Some concert tours have had to pause their tour due to a COVID case. And there’s also been debate among audiences feeling comfortable in-doors and with crowds. Was it hard for you and the band to decide to tour right now?

JBS: There were bands out last year and you’re right, some of them did cut their tour short. There are a lot of protocols in place both for us and the audience. Regardless of local regulations, they come to our show, they have to wear a mask, they have to show proof of vaccination, or if they defer they have to take a COVID test. And they have to agree to that to buy a ticket, it’s not a surprise. That is what our rule is and the venue has to adhere to it if they want us to play. Everyone’s been great about it. The local crew know that they have to mask up. We’re all masked up. We take COVID tests every day including days off. We’re only about ten days into the tour at this point, but so far nobody has tested negative. But again we’ve been very careful. And we’re not seeing personal guests. It’s a very different tour unfortunately. Days off are basically spent in the hotel room. We’re not going into restaurants and sitting with people. There’s Doordash and other ways to get food to the hotel. On show days we eat at the venue. We’re very careful about what we do and who we can and can’t see and who we interact with. When we’re all onstage that’s almost the only time we don’t have a mask on. We’re masked up the rest of the time and being very very careful. I hope we can keep that up for the length of this tour. I know there are other bands out there who have paused their tour or cancelled dates. We’re doing our best to not have that happen, we have all kinds of contingencies in place should someone test positive. There’s a whole set of rules that govern how we’re going to continue, with the goal being to not cancel any shows if its at all possible. I mean we’re not going to make someone who is sick get up and play if its a band member and compromise the show by doing a poor performance. Or compromise their health by making them play for ninety minutes when maybe they should be in bed somewhere. So we’re all doing what we can to make sure the tour can go forward. So far the response from fans when we look out at the audience, they are masked up because they are right next to each other and that’s another concern. But if someone is that concerned about standing right next to someone they probably won’t come to our show. But so far, so good. We’re sold out. Everyone’s been very cooperative. We’re making it work as best we can. The only negative is we don’t get to see any friends. In my case I don’t get to see anyone from the drum companies that I deal with. I’m not seeing relatives. It’s a very socially austere tour. On the other hand, when I’m in a hotel room all day, I’m getting a lot of work done on the computer. One of my projects is going through old family photos and touching them up so they’re permanently archived. As I’ve done with all of my audio tapes, as I’ve done with all my negatives. Just want to preserve things so when I die my wife can throw out the hard drive and not have to worry about it. So these days off are productive. 

Weird Al Yankovic’s 2022 concert poster

Me: With Weird Al concerts, it’s obviously a music showcase, but more than that it is a comedy show. People attend and they want to laugh and have a good time, so in many ways now really is the best time for this tour, right?

JBS: Yes. Definitely, the fans who are there are loving it and they are glad to see shows again. Many of them have written (Al has a fan group on Facebook where the fans gather) that this is the first concert they’ve been to in the last two years and this is their return to seeing a concert. Which is really flattering that everyone would come out. People have been really careful, but they are dropping their guard just a little bit to come see us. As we are to come out and see the shows. So far things have been good with observing the protocols, so hopefully it continues for the next six months. This could be a very good year, as long as we see it through to the end. Especially ending up at Carnegie Hall. 

Me: Weird Al hasn’t released an album since 2014’s Mandatory Fun, which went to #1. Any plans for a new album recording?

JBS:   Well the plan is whenever Al does want to record something we have the freedom to do it. We have the freedom to do one song and release it, which we didn’t have the freedom to do under the record contract. Labels were not in the business of selling singles in recent years, they wanted to sell albums. You had to have twelve full songs (or whatever it was) to put out all at once. And until you had twelve songs there was no product. Even if we had something in the can for a couple of years we had to sit on it. We couldn’t do anything with it until the whole package was ready to go. Now Al has the freedom to do whatever we wants. He can certainly go to Apple Music, Spotify and all the rest that have him promoted, he is in a position where he doesn’t have to rely on a label to do that.

On the other hand, there hasn’t been anything really new in recent years. That’s not to say we haven’t recorded anything. We have recorded as a band some songs for this biopic that should be out by the end of the year [Weird: The Al Yankovic Story will be streaming on Roku this year with release date TBA]. It’s with Daniel Radcliffe as Al. They got actors portraying the band. No known actors playing us, but in other roles some known actors. Rainn Wilson is in it as Dr. Demento. Emo Philips does as cameo as Salvadore Dali. It’s pretty fun! It’s not a true story by any stretch. A “mockumentary” I guess, with a lot of drama and things that never happened. Band members saying things that we never said and never happened. So we got together a couple of times to record some music for that movie. A few years ago we recorded “The Hamilton Polka”, which was the polka version of a number of songs from Hamilton. That came about because Lin-Manuel Miranda, who wrote Hamilton, had different artists do Hamilton related songs and he called them Hamilton’s Hamildrops. He released one song a month. He had asked Al to do a polka version of Hamilton songs. Again, not an original song, but that was a new release. There was a TV special of the Hamilton play [on Disney+] and Al took clips from that and he time-compressed them and edited them so they fit the polka version. So there’s a version out there that is approved by Lin-Manuel. Also Lin-Maneul got different companies from the Hamilton productions around the world to sing along to different parts of the polka medley and that was edited together and released. We also did - Portugal. The Man wanted a polka version of one of their songs, so we did two of them and they both got released.

As far as an Al composed original parody, we haven’t seen that yet. When we do, we can knock it out real quick and have it out in hours. It would be that fast. To do that with a record label just is not possible. So when it happens, when the mood strikes, we can get the band together and do something. He has the freedom to do that. In terms of making an album, it would take a lot of those singles to make an album. I don’t know if there will be an album per se in the future. But I don’t know. He might have a really creative streak and knock out five or six songs we really wants to do and put out a mini-album or EP or something. We’re independent now, so that would be his own label. Unfortunately product isn’t really selling now. Part of that is, you put music out to promote the tours. It used to be you went out and toured and people discovered you and went out and bought the album. Then that kind of turned around to you released some songs for streaming, which generates interest for people to see the band live. In our case we have lifelong fans. There are 10-year-olds in the audience, there’s 70-year-olds in the audience. Bunch of 70-year-olds on stage too. I don’t know that we need new product to get new fans, I mean there’s young kids who discover stuff we’ve done and they get it, they understand the humor. And the parents bring the kids to the shows now. Parents who were fans twenty years ago are bringing their 7-to-10-year-old to the show. Album-wise, I don’t know. It remains to be seen. 

For info on Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz: https://www.bermudaschwartz.com/

For info on Weird Al’s 2022 tour: https://www.weirdal.com/tour/

[builder051]

hi! ive really enjoyed the steelbridge sixties fics you’ve posted lately. i was wondering if you’d write something where bucky is having a bad time with nausea and the shakes, and steve takes care of him? maybe bucky really needs the comfort but isnt used to it/doesn’t know how to ask for it?

thanks for all u do!

Steve is too wary to let James out of the house.

They've agreed he'll be clean. Steve wants him to be. James is going along with it, at least.

This morning was bad. James woke up agitated. Drank his coffee, refused his toast, and put on his coat and shoes, noisily shuffling around the front hall.

When he went for the front door Steve grabbed his arm.

"I just need a cigarette," James had claimed.

"Ok." Steve let him open the door, then stationed himself stiffly beside the wicker rocking chair, standing in his socks with his arms crossed over his chest.

"By myself?"

"No."

Steve came back inside. Slammed the door.

They bickered.

Steve told James to take off his outdoor things. James refused.

A cigarette. A break. A moment apart. But no breaking rules. And no breaking watch.

Eventually the back porch becomes a compromise.

Steve is terrified. He watches James take a lighter from his pocket and lets out a breath of relief he hadn't realized he was holding.

No gun. Of course there's no gun. James doesn't have one anymore. And he can't have acquired anything else with which to hurt himself.

James turns sideways to the window, and Steve can't help but let out a bark of surprised laughter. He's never known how James has been able to form the double smoke rings. But how he's gone and acquired the pot to roll a fat one...

It's not heroin. And it's not quite a month into the sobriety plan.

Steve is sure James hasn't met up with his regular distributors. He isn't as positive all of their clothing has made it through the wash lately. Something might've been stuck deep in a jeans pocket. Or maybe James had traded it from someone at the shelter. Or even picked it up off the floor.

Steve shakes his head. He doesn't want to be a controlling ass. He just wants James to be safe. Regardless, though, it'll involve starting a conversation. And opening the door, at least.

"Hey, Buck?" Steve steps onto the porch, again forgetting his shoes.

"Hm?" James tucks the joint between his fingers. He takes a jerky nasal inhale, wipes his nose on his sleeve, and starts to cough.

"You ok?" Steve tries not to smile, though it's a little funny to see James choking on his own smoke.

"Mm. Yeah." James swallows.

"You going to put that out?" Steve gestures at the fat cigarette, which is giving off strangely attractive curlicues now that its smoke isn't mixing with the abstract cloud from James's mouth.

"D'you want some?"

Steve's initially taken aback, but if he thinks about it like sharing a beer, James is acting completely normally. Reverting to their old days as schoolmates come friends come lovers. He's probably treating Steve like a buddy in his unit.

"Ok." Steve puts his lips around the end of the doobie, but doesn't inhale. Then he quickly taps out the smoldering end of the paper roll against the brick beside the back door. Steve thinks he'll probably throw it away, but he says,"Save the rest for later?"

"Mm." James is gulping again. His fingers find one of the buttons on his jacket, but the fine movement does nothing to hide the shaking of his hand, his arm, practically his whole body.

"Are you going to be sick?"

"I-I don't--" James's back hunches and his chest expands. His face goes ghostly white, his cheeks momentarily puffing out before hollowing and hardening.

"Oh, don't swallow it." Steve can only imagine the taste of coffee and bile and grass.

"It's nothing," James rasps.

"Come inside. Sit down." Steve turns and opens the door. "Lie down?"

James stays still.

"Or do you want to stay out until you, you know?"

James slowly shakes his head. "I just feel..." He cringes. "Shouldn't've."

"Yeah," Steve says softly. "Probably not."

James takes a few steps closer to the house. "'S been too long now..."

"I can make some more coffee," Steve offers, thinking of the staples they keep on tap at the shelter. No one's vice, exactly, but kind comfort. He feels terribly for James, and back at square one in terms of hands-on care.

"Can I just have some water?"

"Yeah, of course." Steve rushes to turn on the tap.

"I like coffee, but... We made so damn much coffee. Nobody wanted to wait for the damn water to cool down." James makes a choking noise, and Steve has to look up to see that he's biting his lip to hold in a chuckle.

"Oh?" Steve doesn't quite follow.

"Had to boil it to, you know, kill the... whatever the filters didn't catch."

"That's..." Steve turns off the faucet. He brings the cup to James. "That sounds really terrible."

James shrugs and tilts his head to the side. He accepts the glass of water, gripping tightly with his still-trembling hand.

"You know you can ask me for... whatever you need," Steve says.

James busies himself sipping the drink. Then he nods. "I-- yeah."

"I want to help."

"It's hard."

"I know." Steve pauses. "But, I care about you." He feels his cheeks go hot. "I love you."

"Mm-hm." James lowers his glass. "I love you too. I guess I'm still figuring out how to... let it show?"

"I like it when we talk," Steve says. "We can try to do that more, instead of just...fighting?"

"Can...try?"

"It's good when you explain what you need."

James nods. "But, sometimes...." He shakes his head. "I need you to help me anyway."

"Of course." Steve looks into James's eyes, touched to see they're focused and flooded at the lashline. "I'm glad you see it."

James nods again, and a tear falls. "I see it."

"I see you. You're coming along." Steve puts his arms around James's shoulders.

"I just want to be me," James whispers.

"You are," Steve reassures him. "You always will be."

[smashbrandiscooch]

Smoking Weed With Abby Headcannons 🍁🍂

SFW

With so many people in the WLF, you’re bound to get in contact with people that have connections

Abby heard from Manny that they’d exchange other things for pills, drugs, and alcohol

It was like a secret black market system

She tried to make it a point to stay away from them bc she wasn’t gonna start fucking around with addictive substances

And plus, the kind of people running those sorts of things are shady asf

Abby’s been to parties where zig-zags have been passed around, it’s not like she’s never been around it

That’s where she first met you

You were sitting in a smoke circle, it must have been less than 10 people or so

She saw you blowing o’s then exhaling a cloud of smoke through it

Catching her glancing at you before she turned around and started walking off

“Hey!” Abby whipped her head around, she damn near gave herself whiplash, “You’re Abigail, right?”

“Yeah,” Abby scratched the back of her neck as she looked down at her feet, “It’s Abby..”

“Well then come’re, Abby,” You blew out another puff of smoke, then you patted the empty space next to you

Abby hesitantly sitting down next to you

After you were finished, you offered the zig-zag to her

“Oh, no. I’m good..”

She didn’t know how she’d act whenever she smoked, and she didn’t want to find out with so many people there lol

“It’s fine. I respect that,” You flashed her a grin, then you passed it to the other WLF soldier sitting next to you

Abby’s eyebrows raising

She’s been peer pressured to smoke before, but to no avail

It just surprised her that you didn’t make a huge fuss about it, like other people usually do

Abby expected stoners to be lazy and dirty, but you were very classy about smoking

Making it a point to blow the smoke away from Abby

And watching as you ashed the cigarette before passing it, even if it didn’t necessarily needed to be ashed

Wanting to smoke for the first time with you, and your professional pothead experience lol

Abby not knowing whether to hold it in or to just exhale the smoke in her lungs

But before she can even think she starts coughing like there’s spores around or something

“Damn, Abs, you’re gonna fuck around and inhale it.”

She legit thought that you were joking, until she saw another WLF soldier suck the fucking roach down his throat lol

She really didn’t enjoy her first experience of smoking, she kept inhaling small bits of the doobie

But holy shit, she swore to herself that she never felt better

She only liked smoking maybe twice a day

Once before bed, and after her workouts

Surprising Abby with indica to try and help her sleep

Learning about 4:20 from the retro stoners before the apocalypse

It was like a myth lmao

Teaching Abby weed etiquette lol

Bc this chick doesn’t have any manners when it comes to this sort of thing

Abby’s kinda a bogart, but she doesn’t mean to do it on purpose

She gets so high that she forgets that she’s holding it

“Do I have to remind you that we’re smoking, or do I let the cig eventually burn your fingertips?” You turned your head to the side and smirked

Blowing Abby’s mind with your stoner slang

It’s like a whole fucking other language or something lol

“A roach..? Isn’t that a.. bug?” Or, “A cherry? It isn’t even red though..”

And omg your stoner ingenuity made her question everything

“Dammit..” Abby pinching what little was left of the roach, and trying to get another hit

You grabbed the match you used to light it, then you snapped it down the middle

But you made sure that it was still intact

“It’s called a Jefferson Airplane..” Handing her the broken match, then leaning back on the couch with the biggest shit-eating grin on your face

Abby bursting out into a fit of laughter, “Holy shit. I swear you make some of that up.”

Abby trying to learn tricks, but she can never get it right

Teaching Abby how to roll bc cigarettes were her favorite way of smoking

But this chick can roll like Willie Nelson or Snoop, swear to god lol

And watching her lick the glue on the papers before sealing the zig-zag up 👀👀

Watching her light up her creation by igniting the match on the sole of her boot was something else

Smoking together while her arm is wrapped around you

And watching you while it’s your turn like you is a snacc

Although she never admits it, she always tries to carry pre-rolls and a lighter in her backpack during assignments

[concentratedbitterness]

The Farm

Odessa, Texas: 1961

“Quit blowin’ that shit in my face!  If you give me a contact high off that warlock’s devil-reefer I swear t’ Christ, Marshall, they won’t ever find your body…” Malcolm waves his hand in front of his face, nose wrinkling in clear disdain as the cloying smoke dissipates.

“Lighten up, will ya’?” Marshall shoots back, rolling his eyes, “Just regular grass.  Some of us actually wanna’ enjoy our youth.”

Mal snorts, reaching out to grab a tuft of fur off of the barbed wire as they walk around the edge of the hog-pen; likely all that remains of some poor critter foolish enough to venture inside.  “Yeah, I guess when shovelin’ pigshit’s shapin’ up t’ be the pinnacle of your entire wasted existence ya’ gotta’ make every doobie count.”

“That sarcasm?”

“How d’you even have enough brain cells left t’ regulate your vital organs?”

A grin spreads over Marshall’s face; simultaneously handsome and careless in that way only a country boy can really manage to pull off, “Damn, brother, who pissed on your scrapple this mornin’?”

Their banter is interrupted by an ominous sound from the barn across the field, and the brothers exchange a look.  An eerie silence falls over them, and Mal feels an uneasiness seep into his gut.  They hear it again.  So do the pigs.

“Guess that one ain’t dead yet,” Marshall observes at last, coughing as he lets out a breath of smoke he’d been holding in.  

“Lord, have mercy.”  Two pairs of identical blue eyes lock gazes, and Malcolm deflates a little, heaving a quiet sigh as he steps up onto the fence railing to hoist himself over onto the other side of the pen.  “Sorry.  Look, I’m just...frustrated.”

“Frustrated ‘bout what?”  

Malcolm looks at his brother as though he’s just sprouted a second head.  “Are you fuckin’ serious?”

Marshall shrugs.

“I’ve spent months studyin’ for those entrance exams, an’ I should be on my way t’ take ‘em right now.”  He holds out his hand, waiting for Marshall to hand the feed bucket over.  “But what am I doin’ instead?  Standin’ knee deep in the same damn shit I’ve been wadin’ through my whole fuckin’ life.”

Marshall passes the bucket to his twin, a brow quirking upward as he takes another drag off of his definitely-not-a-cigarette.  “Ridin’ this maudlin’ phase a little hard, ain’t ya’?  Gonna’ show up for church tomorrow lookin’ like some kinda’ beatnik while you’re at it?”

The other teenager receives a handful of cracked corn to the face.  “Shut up, dickweed.  I’m serious.  It was important t’ me.”

“But why?  It’s just rich-kid Bible camp, MJ.  What’s a hunter need with somethin’ like that?”  Marshall flashes jazz-hands and runs dramatically in place for about two seconds, the joint dangling precariously from his lips.  “Ooooh, look, I’m so smart, this degree in basket weavin’ oughtta’ stop a werewolf chewin’ my face off…”

“Maybe I don’t wanna’ be a hunter, ya’ ever considered that?”

Marshall’s guffaw is so loud it startles the pigs.

“Keep laughin’, asshole.  You’ll be here eatin’ deep fried crow all by your lonesome when I’m long gone.” Mal assures him, tossing the empty feed bucket back over the fence before climbing back to the other side; offal caking his rubber boots.

“Ya’ tell dad that?”

He doesn’t answer; but he doesn’t need to.  Neither of them would dare.  

The amusement is gone from Marshall’s voice when he asks, “What exactly are ya’ runnin’ from, MJ?”

The thing in the barn howls again.

Mal just shakes his head, spreading his arms wide and turning around to look over the compound of swine-pens and barns that comprise the Brockway farm; the unmistakable odor of pig shit wafting on the breeze to mix with the hint of fragrant smoke emanating from Marshall’s hand and the coppery tang of blood in the air.  “This.”

[gainerstories]

Freshman Fatties: Chapter 1

Benjamin’s parents dropped him off at his new dorm room and helped him unpack. At only 18 this was Benjamin’s first time living on his own and he felt a mixture of anxiety and excitement. He hugged his parents goodbye and continued to set up his room, pondering what his roommate, Andy, would be like. He was most nervous about being housed with a homophobe, even though he noted on the application that he needed an LGBT friendly roommate. When Andy finally walked through the door with only a couple boxes and no parents in sight, Benjamin grew nervous. Andy was clearly a jock, judging by his hulking physique and athleisure clothing.

“Hey, I’m Benjamin.”

“Andy, nice to meet you.”

The two shook hands and made small talk. Benjamin was pleased to find that Andy could carry a conversation and didn’t seem like your typical meathead jock. Both men were clearly intelligent and fairly secure in themselves.

“Hey, so I’m gonna grab lunch and explore campus a bit but what do you think about splitting a six pack later tonight and maybe smoking a doobie? I’m 20 but my bud has the plug,” Andy suggested.

“Sure, yeah that sounds great.”

Around 8pm Andy stomped into the dorm room carrying two heaping bags of groceries startling Benjamin awake from a nap.

“Sorry to wake ya man. I got the six pack and joint as promised.”

“Oh nice, what do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Andy said and tossed Benjamin a beer.

They cracked them open and cheersed.

“Damn,” Benjamin said, “where do you plan on fitting all those groceries in this place?”

Andy laughed, “Under the bed if I have to. Gotta keep my appetite up. I’m on the football team.”

Impressed, Benjamin continued asking questions. He discovered that Andy was a star quarterback in high school and was given a scholarship to play college football. However, football was not Andy’s passion. He was a literature major and obsessed with Shakespeare, only playing football so he could afford college. Benjamin was surprised to hear that someone so good at sports could also be a bookworm. Benjamin didn’t even read that often as a business major.

By the time Andy’s groceries were packed away they were on to their second beer. Benjamin was playing Spotify from his speaker and the two boys reclined on their beds shooting the shit. Wearing only gym shorts and a tank, Andy’s body was on full display. Without being too obvious, Benjamin examined the football player’s massive arms and upper body. Even his neck was noticeably muscled making his head appear small. Andy had a pleasant face as well, with dark wide set eyes and a square jaw. His hair was buzzed short allowing his features to shine.

Benjamin’s eyes flicked to Andy’s middle half. He admired the way football players tended to have a solid but squishy midsection and Andy was no exception. The jock wasn’t quite fat, but properly bulky. Lower down, his dick noticeably hung against the mesh shorts and Benjamin felt a flush of desire. He hoped this wouldn’t become a problem.

As the boys cracked their third beer they began to feel a buzz and Benjamin was blissfully unaware that Andy also looked at him with amorous eyes. In the dim light of the dorm Benjamin’s slender face and svelte body looked like a statue of a beautiful Greek boy. Andy had always been a ladies man, but there were occasions when an attractive guy caught his eye and Benjamin was one of those occasions.

“Should we break into the other six pack or spark this joint?” Andy queried.

“Why not both?”

“You’re my type of guy, Benjamin!”

As Benjamin snapped open his fourth beer it suddenly hit him that he was drunk. He’d been drunk only once before in his life and had never smoked weed. He wasn’t even sure if you could mix the two, but refrained from asking out of fear of appearing lame. Andy on the other hand was feeling his oats. With a solid buzz and Benjamin’s visage before him he was beginning to get horny. The reality of sharing a room was beginning to sink in and he wondered when he would ever get a spare moment to jerk off. Andy sparked the joint and took a long hit before passing it. Benjamin blushed and admitted this was his first time smoking.

“No way, man! I’m popping your cherry! Dope.”

“Yeah…” Benjamin awkwardly laughed, “so what do I do?”

“So breathe in the smoke into your lungs and hold it there for as long as you can. Then let it out. It might burn and you’ll probably cough but that’s normal on your first time.”

Benjamin felt comforted and did as he was told. He sucked in a big puff with great concentration while Andy admired his roommates sunken cheeks and sharp cheekbones. Despite trying to keep it cool, the smoke exploded from Benjamin’s mouth and he fell into a coughing fit.

“That was perfect, you did great.”

Within a few minutes both boys were incredibly stoned, their eyelids hanging heavy. Andy’s libido was kicked into overdrive from the substances and he was struggling to keep himself from popping a boner. It didn’t help that conversation had trailed off and Benjamin was now laying on his stomach scrolling through TikTok, his ass on full display. Andy was surprised that the twink’s bum was so perky and pronounced for a skinny guy. The tight pants Benjamin wore only exacerbated the curvature.

“Fuck,” Benjamin said. “I’m so hungry.”

“Duuuuude you got the munchies. Welcome to stoner life.”

“Ugh, but its past curfew and everywhere is closed… whyyyy!”

“I got you.”

Andy lept from his bed and pulled two frozen pizzas from the fridge. They were meat lovers pizzas with cheese crust from a brand called Protein+. The jock popped them in the toaster oven for what seemed like an eternity as the smell encompassed the entire dorm room. By the time they were done Andy’s stomach was noticeably grumbling.

Both boys began devouring the pizzas in silence, their mouths too full to talk. Within ten minutes Benjamin was stuffed from half the pizza and looked up to see that Andy was polishing off his last slice. Benjamin felt a pang of eroticism seeing just how big the football star’s appetite was and the potential for him to grow bigger.

“Do you want the rest of mine?” Benjamin asked knowing full well Andy would accept.

The twink watched his jock roommate kill three slices in six bites and now was fighting off his own boner. By the time the boys went to bed they were each aroused thinking about one another, but too afraid to make a move. They crawled into their respective beds, their backs facing one another. They each let about half an hour pass before silently stroking their cocks to orgasm.

[jcruceweb]

The Set-It-And-Forget-It Recipe For Cannabis Infused Honey

At Nirvana Farms, we love edibles. From chocolate to weed tea, to salad dressing, to butter, to oil—we’ve literally tried them all. We’ve even popped a few CBD strips and THC strips (a quasi-food if there ever was one).Throughout all that delicious experimentation, one edible has occupied the top of our list for a long time: cannabis-infused honey.Cannabis-infused honey is super easy to make, super easy to use and can be added to everything from cookies and tarts to coffee and tea.In this article, the experts at Nirvana Farms reveal everything you need to know to create your own batch of this tasty treat. We’ve also included a simple recipe that even cooking noobs like us can’t mess up.But before you break out the mixing bowls, it’s important to understand a few details about the chemistry of the cannabis plant. Specifically, terpenes, cannabinoids, and decarboxylation. Don’t worry, it won’t be as bad as it sounds.

Terpenes & Cannabinoids

If you’ve spent any time around canna enthusiasts, you’ve probably heard the terms “cannabinoids” and “terpenes” at least once. If not, here’s your introduction. Cannabinoids

Cannabinoids are chemicals that give marijuana its “get-up-and-go” (be it psychoactive or medicinal). As the name suggests, these unique molecules are only found in the various varieties of the Cannabis plant (whether sativa, indica, or ruderalis).Common cannabinoids include:Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) Cannabidiol (CBD) Cannabigerol (CBG) Cannabichromene (CBC) Cannabinol (CBN)All told, there are over 110 different cannabinoids, and more are being isolated every day. Terpenes

Terpenes are oils secreted by the glands of the pot plant that affect the flavor, aroma, and medicinal properties of the bud you burn or bake with. As you can see in the picture above, there are over 100 terpenes to satisfy any preference and taste.Common terpenes include:- Limonene. - Delta 3 Carene. - Linalool. - Borneol. - Eucalyptol.At this point, you may be wondering why all this is important. What you came here for was the cannabis-infused honey recipe, right?Think about this for a moment: if you’re brewing a batch of honey and your strain of choice has cut grass terpenes (see it just to the left of the bottom of the image), how do you think that’s going to taste? You might love it, but it wouldn’t be our first choice of flavors.When you understand what terpenes do, you gain more control over the flavor of your cannabis-infused honey.Now that you understand the building blocks of marijuana, let’s discuss how you can make the plant itself ready for consumption.

Decarboxylation—Yes, It’s Important!

Here’s something you may not know: raw weed is not psychoactive. That’s right. The ganja you get at your local dispensary will not get you high if you swallow it whole.So if you just dump a baggie of bud into a jar of honey (or any food for that matter), at best, it will be just like eating spinach. At worst, you may experience vomiting, diarrhea, and other stomach distress. Don’t do it, man!To make marijuana useful as a recreational product or medicine, you first need to activate the cannabinoids through a process called decarboxylation. Decarboxylation is just a fancy term for removing an acid molecule from the chemical makeup of the plant.Pot plants in their raw form contain very little THC buttons of THCA (tetrahydrocannabinolic acid). Drying the weed after it’s harvested converts a small percentage of THCA into THC, but it’s still not enough to feel any results (except maybe stomach cramps).To transform as much of the THCA into THC as possible, add more heat. Essentially, you need to bake before you get baked.

If you’re a long time Mary Jane smoker, you’re probably thinking, “Wait a minute! I’ve never decar-whatchacallit before and I still get plenty high.” To that, we say, “You’re right!”Smoking or dabbing (or burning of any type), is, in fact, the simplest form of decarboxylation.So in the process of lighting a big fat doobie or sparking up a bong, you’re instantaneously transforming the THCA in the raw bud into THC. The THC is floating around in the smoke you then inhale into your lungs. Cool, huh?Unfortunately, flicking a Bic won’t work for decarboxylating the marijuana you need for your cannabis infused honey recipe. The temperatures are too high. The bud is destroyed because of the high heat. It literally goes up in smoke.To decarboxylate your marijuana for inclusion in edibles, you need considerably less heat for a longer period of time. Decarboxylation In Two Steps 1. Preheat your oven to 240 degrees Fahrenheit. While the oven’s heating up, spread your plant material in a single layer on the baking sheet. One with sides works best.Note: We suggest a low temperature, like 240 degrees, because terpenes begin to vaporize at 320 degrees. It might take less time to decarboxylate at higher temperatures, but you lose the valuable terpenes in the process. Be patient.2. Bake the cannabis for 40 minutes. Be sure to rotate the sheet and stir the cannabis a couple of times so that all the marijuana is cooked evenly.Now that you’ve got your reefer ready for consumption, we can turn our attention to the main event: 

The Recipe for Cannabis-Infused Honey.

Supplies: - Slow cooker (Crockpot). - 15 grams of your favorite marijuana (decarboxylated, of course). - 2 cups of honey (local, if possible). - Cheesecloth (10” x 10” or larger). - String. - Quart canning jar with a lid.

If you want to make less or more cannabis-infused honey, mix with a ratio of 7-7.5 grams of cannabis for every cup of honey. Recipe: - Wrap the 15 grams of decarboxylated cannabis in cheesecloth and tie it closed with a small piece of string. - Place the cheesecloth in the quart jar. - Pour 2 cups of local honey into the quart jar. - Place the quart jar in your slow cooker. - Pour enough water into the slow cooker so that all the honey in the jar is surrounded. - Put the lid on the slow cooker. - Set the slow cooker to LOW and cook for 8 hours. - Check back every 2 or 3 hours to make sure the pressure in the jar isn’t building. Crack the lid slightly and then tighten it back down. - After 8 hours, turn the slow cooker off and let the honey cool. You can leave the jar in the slow cooker or take it out (watch out, it’s hot!). - When the honey is cool enough to touch, remove the cheesecloth from the jar and squeeze out as much of the golden goo as possible. - Don’t discard that cheesecloth! Use it to steep some tea. - Put the lid back on, and store the jar in your refrigerator or in a cool, dark place.

That’s it! See, we told you it would be easy. 

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[achapnamedtom]

@slutteryingreen tagged me for the four album thing.  To mix things up I decided to go with the last four albums I’d played:

1) Funkdoobiest - Brothas Doobie

 I’ve been on a bit of a 90s hip-hop binge recently (what a decade) and this is a decent album.  There’s some proper bangers on here; Lost In Thought, Rock On, Dedicated as well as... lot’s of quite gross sex songs.  I’m not being a prude it’s proper sick-in-the-moth stuff, like sitting in the passenger seat next to a divorced uncle muttering ‘pwor she’s a bit of alright isn’t she’ at the sight of jogger.  Anyway Son Doobie ended up making porn so I guess that squares up, it’s kind of strange how now that hardcore grot is freely available on tap it hasn’t infected every single crevasse of pop culture (compared to the 90s anyway) but maybe it has and we’ve all been too busy wanking to notice.  ANyway all that stuff if forgiven for Tomahawk Bang which is about a load of settlers being slaughtered by Native Americans and is absolutely divine.

2) Sleigh Bells - Treats

If you haven't heard Treats then for heavens sake do. Even if you don’t like it at first, just experience it, let it overwhelm you and soak it in because there’s really nothing else like it. I’ve never really bothered to listen to any of their other albums because I don’t see what they could do that would progress from this but I probably should.  Even though it’s the most conservative song on the album, Rill Rill is my favorite track because I’m sucker for anything that plays with sixties sounds without just replicating it slightly worse.

3) Cypress Hill - Black Sunday

I love Cypress Hill. I’m not sure whether this or their first album is best but they’re both crawling with amazing stuff.  Insane in the Brain and I Ain’t Going Out Like That are of course standouts but Hits From The Bong will always have the most special place in my heart, I adore the way it offers a practical guide to the advantages of smoking a bong and steadfastly refuses to go anywhere deeper or more philosophical.

4) Soccer Mommy - Color Theory

Look you don’t need me to write paragraphs gushing about Soccer Mommy because you already know that I love her so.  Anyway it’s about a year since Color Theory came out and it’s still my go to for when I feel a bit dejected. Every song on here is good but I’d like to point out that Royal Screw Up manages to walk an incredibly delicate tightrope in describing self loathing in a way that’s very simple, direct and moving but still sounds very fresh. Well done Sophie.

That was fun: I tag @742evergreenterrace​ @plastic-tulips​ @safeinthewomb​ and @toasterwhisperer​ love ya xx