#maybe I can get away with doing some dishes while whatever I decide to make cooks

[izzy-b-hands]

I should probably take a break and eat (i have my first med of the day to take after all), but I'm afraid if I get up and do anything else I'm gonna lose the zone I'm in and not be able to get any of the other bingo card drafts finished and/or published today.

On the other hand, I could do more of that tomorrow (tho I am staring down the deadline hard lmao), and dishes and me eating are things that need to be done today

But. What if I just wait a little longer. Get like. Four to five more things written and published and THEN do chores and eat. What if.

[marcsburnerphone]

Wish I never came

Captain john price x f!reader

Summary: being johns wife has been full of security and safety and you never thought he’d be the one to taint that.

Warnings: angst(why doesn’t anyone write about how scary price can be when hes angry peepaw is cra), hurt/comfort, 141 task force loves you, price is fucking scary.

Part 2 out now!

—-------------------

Every first friday of the month you bring the boys and your husband a homemade meal to base. It’s been tradition for almost two years now since the first time you did it on a whim, John begged you for a good roast so you surprised him with some and since there was so much you’d brought the rest for his task.

Today you've perfected the dish gaz asked for, they decided rotations on requests now because it became unfair when soap requested meals only he liked 4 months in a row.

You packed all 4 meals in airtight thermal containers and put them in the car before heading towards base about 2 hours away. The military police men greeted you by first name when you arrived and buzzed you in.

“I've never been happier to see someone in my life.” soap rushes you and traps you in a hug while gaz takes the two bags from your hands.

“Good afternoon, wheres simon and john?” you greet both of them with smiles something that was relieving to see in a place like this. The common area was empty during this time of day so it was clear they weren't here.

Before they could answer simon came in, eyes looking more exhausted than usual. He gives a weak attempt at an ‘hello love’ a common and yet sweet name they’d picked up for you.

“I honestly wouldn't go into his office right now hes a little um on edge i’d say.” he grabs his thermal bowl from the bag its always the black one, this way they dont fight over which bowl has more.

“Nonsense simon he’s my husband, im just going to bring him this and be on my way.” simon shook his head turning a satisfied groan at the taste of real food in his mouth to a disapproving one at your persistence.

“love maybe listen he’s under a lot of pressure right now, its really not the time.” gaz interrupts simons beginning of a sentence.

Without another word you just grab his bowl and a fork setting off torwars his office which at this point you could get to blind.

“Are we just going to let her do that.” gaz looks to the two men.

“We warned and she’s right thats her husband i mean worst he’ll do is ignore her, loves her too much to hurt her.” ghost grumbles.

—

The air is tense on your way down the hall but you approach his door regardless as the familiar scent of a lit cigar fills your senses. You give two knocks before walking in.

“Hey just brought you some lunch.” you say quietly as you walk in observing the splay of files on the floor and desk.

He grunts and doesn't even spare you a look which yeah it stings but it was expected.

“Okay then can I leave it right here?” you point at a spot on a coffee table thats somewhat clear.

“Do whatever you want with it, mm not hungry.” he says lowly while taking another drag from his cigar letting the ash fall freely.

“So should i just leave it in the kitchen, i can just-.” you didn't know why you were rambling or nervous even john had only ever made you feel safe. 

“I fuckin said do what you please with it, I’m busy.” the tone made you shiver, and yes maybe you should've just left it and talked to him later but this wasn't a behavior from him you've ever experienced.

“John I-” 

“Jesus fucking christ take the food, leave the food I dont fucking care but get the fuck out of here as soon as you can thankyou!” His voice makes you flinch as he throws a stack of papers on the floor with an unneeded force, he yelled at you for the first time ever and you couldn't even process it. Was time bending or had the air become thin, you didn't know but you took a few weary steps back towards the door and left the food by the entrance on the floor finally closing it, once you were back in the hallway air found it’s way to your lungs as you took a deep breath.

“Hey its okay come on.” gaz was there gently caressing your arm along with the two others catching up behind him in the distance.

They never thought hed talk to you like that but right when they heard that deep threatening drawl boom from the common area gaz was the first one up and out. He was always overly protective of you.

You weren't crying, no but you wanted to. You just closed your eyes for what felt like ages and whispered an ‘I’m okay’ and left without another word.

Once you reached the comfort of your own car your heart caught up with the speed of your brain and tears poured, the last time you’d cried like this had been in childhood. Without another second you sped around the lot and out of the exiting gates wishing you'd never entered them in the first place.

You got a call not so long into your way home, maybe five minutes if you estimated correctly and you almost gagged at the picture of you and john that popped up as he rang you.

The boys were the ones to call next but you just dazed out on the long road ahead, disassociated from the outside world around you. You stopped at a cafe you particularly enjoyed in a town near your home needing to clear your thoughts. 

Price had waited and even started counting seconds to see if you'd pop up on the ring camera he installed to keep an eye on you, it brought him comfort especially when you'd make cute gestures at it or talk to him through it as you brought groceries inside. But now you should've been home an hour ago at most and still no sign of you.

He had not comprehended how loud he could get and he really only snapped out of it when soap appeared in his office with a very disapproving look. Then he finally noticed the look of fear in your eyes or how the sweet smile you always wore was a frown and then his gaze made it to the container he’d grown so familiar with by the door.

“FUCK!” he could cry grown man tears, he spoke to you how he sometimes speaks to his soldiers and the strings in his heart felt like they were on the verge of combusting.

“You fucked up captain.” soap added to the fuel before leaving his office.

—----------------

Anyone feel that chest pain.

Re-blogs and feedback are appreciated 🫶

[yanmusing]

Yan!Fem! Barista x fem!reader pt. 2

In headcanon form!

Part 1

Tw for nasty thoughts per usual with this one LMAO

♡And so our dear Yanfem! Barista decides to get closer to you! In her own way, of course.

♡As you go up to the counter to pick up your plate, she takes the chance to slip you a piece of paper.

♡She turns around and attends another customer with a genuine smile. You make your way back to your table and curiously open the note. Call me sometime. I'll be waiting 🩷 -Giselle

♡Any person with decently good social skills would see this as a win. But you? You're TERRIFIED of phone calls! Especially if a woman is on the other end of the line! A woman that's interested in you!

♡Maybe... maybe she just wants to be friends? Gal pals? Ahah...

♡You take a moment to turn around from your seat and look from the paper towards Giselle.

♡As luck would have it, she's gauging your reaction as she's brewing some coffee. She smiles at you and gives you a wink.

♡Our beloved Giselle knows how to get into people's heads, and you happen to be exactly her type.

♡You immediately turn red in the face. Aaand this is your sign to turn your ass back around and finish whatever you were working on.

♡Meanwhile, Giselle serves up more customers as the day gets busier and even chats them up and makes them laugh. You really know how to lift someone's spirits, huh?

♡Eventually, her shifts ends and she's grabbing her coat to leave.

♡"Wait-"

♡What's this?

♡"I, uhm, wanted to ask you something."

♡You fidget awkwardly.

♡Oh my goodness. Is this what Giselle thinks it is?

♡"Could we maybe talk about this?" You nervously unfold the paper with her number on it.

♡Your breathing gets just a tad bit shallower. You try not to let it show, but your hands are trembling ever so slightly. The way that you're standing is rather stiff, too.

♡Do you need her to help you relax? You need Giselle to comfort you and tell you how strong you're being for her?

♡Ahem. Focus, Giselle.

♡She's gonna have her fun with you. Patience.

♡But maybe just a little indulgence is okay.

♡"I don't know what you mean." She looks at you with a concerned face.

♡Your mind starts racing– and so do your words.

♡"Oh, uhm, I meant like if you could just clarify why you gave me your number, is all."

♡"Why I gave you my number? Did you think it was to take you out on a date?" She raises an eyebrow at you. She moves aside (and away from you) to let people in.

♡And of course, your darling self follows her. Even though she's just a bit farther away.

♡Ugh, she just needs to have you already. Ah, you'd look so pretty with your hands tied.

♡"I wouldn't have minded if it was." Your eyes nervously meet hers.

♡So her lady is being bold now?

♡In all honesty, she was getting off to this.

♡"Depends If you can be brave enough to call me. But if you can't– you know where to find me, sweetheart. I won't hold it against you. And remember to pick up your things from your table."

♡Giselle waves farewell to you and gives you a wink.

♡Oh shit. You left your things inside!!!

♡You scurry back in and hastily pick up your materials; it's a miracle no one stole your laptop. And whatever you were working on is long forgotten as you awkwardly walk out of the Cafe.

♡After transporting yourself back home, you try to plan out what you want to say.

♡You try. You definitely do.

♡You think about it while you're washing your dishes. When you're sweeping. Cooking. Reading. You even finish folding the pile of clothes on that one chair.

♡While doing so, your mind wanders to Giselle. She seems so kind and considerate... even a bit dominant. You wonder what she would be like if she was at your house: she's helping you do your chores, giving you soft kisses as she passes by you, even flirts with you.

♡"What's my princess doing, walking around the house doing work?" She scoops you up into her arms and holds you tight, attacking you with a flurry of kisses.

♡You give her a hearty laugh. "Giselle, you know we both need to do things around the house. I don't want it to be just you, I'd feel bad."

♡"Oh but just look at you, your bones are breaking and you're- you're dying!!!" She dramatically wipes her tears with your shirt. "I think... I think my princess needs a reward, hmm?"

♡Even when she's fucking you, she's praising you.

♡"You're such a good girl, give me just one more."

♡She has you from behind. Her hand is way up your shirt and the other is shoved down your shorts. Your breathy moans make her plant kisses up and down your neck, leaving small bites in their wake.

♡"Doing so good for me, aren't you princess? Yeah? I know you need me so badly, I know." She coos.

♡You're suddenly transported back into reality.

♡You realize you've been folding your clothes wrong.

♡You blink a few times to readjust to your waking consciousness

♡You promptly flop on your bed and scream into one the pillows

-------

Fem reader was DEF feeling what Giselle was putting down LMAO

Hope yall liked this part and stay tuned for pt. 3!

[xhoneygirlxx]

no but listen okay!! imagine you and eddie have been dating for quite a while but neither of you have said the "L" word yet.

the two of you are in his apartment, chilling out on the couch. your hair is slightly wet and your skin is still dewy from just taking a shower. you're outstretched, laying back with your legs laying across his lap. eddie on the other hand is leaning back, one arm on the back of the couch and the other slowly rubbing up and down on your calf.

it was the weekend and for once the two of you decided to skip out on the group's night out, opting for some relaxing alone time. so there you sit, in an oversized shirt that eddie bought you from the thrift store and a pair of shorts, glasses perched on your nose, and a book in hand.

eddie decided to put on the tv, flicking through different channels before landing on an episode of family guy. the show is left unwatched though, just background noise for eddie while he looks at you.

your lip is in between your teeth, eyebrows furrowed, and your eyes flit across the pages. you look so beautiful like this, you look beautiful all the time if you ask him, but something about you like this makes his heart pound harder.

and just like that it hits him. he's so goddamn in love with you it's not even funny. never in his life has anyone ever made him feel the way you do. when he looks at you all he can see is spending the rest of his life with you.

he wants to grow old with you, get a cat and maybe have some kids. he wants to do the dishes and cook with you, fold the laundry and build furniture (even if the instructions are hard to read) with you.

you're the person he wants to lay next to at night and wake up with in the morning. he wants to make you breakfast and dinner, drive you around to whatever store you need to go to. he wants to hold your hand until both of you are nothing but soft skin and wrinkles.

it's like a freight train of emotions, happiness and joy, love and adoration. you're the love of his life, the person he wants to take his final breathes with. he'd jump in front of a speeding car if it meant you'd be safe, he wants to protect you and hide you from all the bad things in the world.

he'd work until his fingers were nothing but bones if that meant you were happy. he loves you, god, he's so in love with you. you're his person, his peace, and his heart.

it scares eddie. he isn't going to run away this time though, no. he's going to tell you how he feels, even if it ends with a broken heart. he needs you to know that he'd not only die for you but he'd live for you, and that's even harder to do.

"i'm so fucking in love with you." it comes out like a whisper, like he meant to say it in his head instead.

you hear him though, dropping your book the moment the words hit your ears.

"yeah?" the face you make is so cute, he might die from it.

"yeah." there's no hesitation to his answer and you notice. smiling brightly back at him, your eyes sparkle like the thousands of stars in the sky.

"i'm so fucking in love with you, it makes me crazy." and like music to his ears, his heart burns bright with your admission.

there you sit in the comfort of his living room, the small world that the two of you built for no one else to see. in that moment the two of you signed your hearts away to each other, the deal being sealed by the touching of your lips.

yeah, eddie was in love with you and he was going to be in love with you until his last day.

-

-

-

is this too much to ask for??? i guess so lmaoaooo

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: arguments with zb1

a/n: omg i posted before midnight this is a big win

notes: yujin is not included due to his age!

wc | 1.9k

jiwoong

the best way i can describe an argument with jiwoong is “mature”

you guys don’t argue often at all so when you do there’s usually a good reason for you to be arguing

perhaps it has to do with your living situation, or you’re not taking an issue jiwoong talked to you about as seriously as he wants you to be, or you feel like he’s spending too much time away from you

whatever it is, your argument will last max 3 days

day one is reserved for sulking, and you might end up staying the night at a friend’s house while jiwoong sits with hao and hanbin and tries to work through what he’s feeling

day two is for thinking—both of you think through things rationally and take mental notes on what you did wrong and what you think was on the other person

then, day three is for talking it out. you’ll decide on a place to meet that isn’t home, and you’ll work through everything while not getting upset or saying something unwarranted.

then, afterward, you’ll go home together and do something light and fun to cheer the both of you up

things go back to normal within four days, and you don’t think about the issue ever again

zhang hao

fights with hao are not fun

hot take but i think he’s the type of person to ghost you when you make him too upset

so whatever you’re fighting over, be it the dishes or something he said, once he gets angry enough he will just walk out and not talk to you for a while

depending on how upset he is it can be anywhere from less than a day to three or four days with no contact between the two of you

so yeah this is kind of a red flag but you don’t fight literally ever so it doesn’t happen enough for it to be a big issue

and his reasoning for ghosting you is that he doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t mean and/or can’t come back from

hao knows he’s the type of person to just say something wildly untrue when he’s mad and his worst fear is doing that to you

he returns from his mental retreat so apologetically, even if you end up thinking you were more in the wrong

will bring you an apology gift (usually it’s flowers or some sort of sweet treat) and always has some big long speech prepared

you also apologize if you feel it’s warranted (which is almost every time)

things will go back to normal in max two weeks

hanbin

fights with hanbin are big and emotional

like super emotional

this man is so in love with you that you being the source of any negative emotions is really hard for him to stomach

and it’s likely that, for the course of your entire relationship, you’ll fight maybe once or twice at most

so the fight you have is big and possibly the result of a lot of pent-up emotions that built up over a long period of time

you’re the one to walk out, and he’s full-blown sobbing by the time that happens

he feels miserable for the next couple of days

you two don’t ghost each other but it’s minimal contact and you can barely look at one another without crying lol

hanbin will probably end up staying elsewhere and you’ll stay home, drowning your sorrows in ice cream while you cry on the phone with your friends

when you’re both sound enough to work it out, you two just kinda cry apologies at each other

when the time comes for you to actually talk it out, it’s pretty easy and you’re left wondering what exactly the fight was over in the first place

hanbin will kiss every single part of you after the wound is patched up

and then he’s attached to you for the next couple of days lol

things go back to normal in maybe three-ish weeks? like that’s when he stops being super clingy and you go back to regularly scheduled programming

matthew

fights with matthew are small

he seems like the type of guy to be able to talk out big issues without it blowing out of proportion

so any larger problems the two of you are like … worked out via controlled and calm conversation

then you will have a blowout argument over you losing one of the sweatshirts you took without asking (your mom took it to the dry cleaners and didn’t tell you)

your arguments are petty and it’s a lot of really fake words thrown back and forth

so it’s not like one of you is being unnecessarily mean to the other, it’s from both of you

you don’t talk for a couple of days (also mutual) and then your mom’s dry cleaning shows up with the sweatshirt in tow

you send him a picture of it with some tear stains on it and he’s like … are you crying

then he’ll show up at your house not even thinking about the sweatshirt, just the fact that he doesn’t like it when you cry

will do anything to get you to stop crying

apologizes 18 times and puts on the tear-stained sweatshirt while going “wow, it’s so clean!” in hopes that you’ll at least laugh

after he fixes the crying situation you apologize too and suddenly it’s like it never happened

things go back to normal in a week

taerae

fights with taerae are quiet

tbh i just think his anger/sadness/any negative emotion is quiet

there’s no yelling, no crying, no insults, no nothing

the argument itself will be a bunch of isolated statements paired with scoffs, rubbing your tumbles, and feeling exasperated

neither of you leaves to cool off, and you just sit in different rooms after the fact

the next day might be a bit awkward and taerae will be somewhat cold towards you (and it would be a lie to say you don’t reciprocate the same exact energy)

but at some point during the day, while you’re sulking and laying down in bed, taerae will come in and lay down next to you

starts off by saying sorry and then you talk things out while just … laying there

he’s neither the type of person to take all the blame nor the type of person to shove all the blame onto you

like you could be entirely at fault but he will distribute responsibility equally between the two of you

he’s just the type of guy who really does not like arguing so he will do whatever he can to fix it quickly

after you’re done talking you’ll go on a long drive together

it’s aimless and quiet, but he holds your hand the whole time :)

things go back to normal within 3 days

ricky

i think fights with ricky are turbulent

you never really know the direction they’re going to go in you know

you don’t necessarily fight often but it’s not like you never fight, either

i think it’s a healthy amount of bickering

somewhat like an old couple LOL

if you have a big argument, though, it’s pretty much the least fun you’ve ever had in your whole entire life

ricky isn’t the type of guy to yell and cry but he’s the type of guy to give you a look that makes you feel like crying

i also think he’d struggle to take everything you’re saying seriously so he might laugh in exasperation from time to time

which obviously makes you angrier

i think if you end up crying, though, ricky will have like a crazy moment of clarity where he’s like … oh shit

cue some crazy introspection

you’ll run off somewhere else in the house and he’ll just sit on the couch and think

he’s practically taking notes on the entire thing, and studying what he thinks was the most out-of-pocket for him to say and what he needs to apologize for

after he’s gathered his thoughts he’ll seek you out and ask if you’re okay sitting down and talking with him

and he will wait however long he needs to if you say no

he essentially says everything he feels necessary, ends it off with an apology and kisses your hand

then it’s over

things go back to normal within the day

gyuvin

you bicker with gyuvin a lot and 99.9% of the time it’s silly and super unserious

that’s the type of couple you are yk

so your fights are born out of your little, unserious arguments actually going a little bit too far, and they last soooo long

and most of it happens in front of your friends which isn’t nice either

it starts out very small, with little jabs at one another

keeps amping up for the rest of the night, and once you both leave whatever hangout you were at, all your friends are like … they’re gonna fight guys get ready

they’re right

you argue the entire way home and when he drops you off he doesn’t even give you a good night kiss, which makes things even worse

you continue arguing over text and into the next few days all while acting like everything is fine

meanwhile, you’re texting your friends (separately) like can you believe that he just said that? can you believe he’s pulling this shit?

finally they lock you two in a room and tell you to figure it out because your arguing is annoying

you will painstakingly be like “okay maybe i went too far” and he essentially does the exact same thing

and then he apologizes for not giving you a good night kiss that one time and everything is fine

things go back to normal in like 2 weeks but just keep in mind for the entire 2 weeks you were just being passive-aggressive with each other

gunwook

arguments with gunwook are born out of stress and aren’t really arguments

he’s a busy guy who’s doing a lot of things and sometimes he bites off more than he can chew

which isn’t nice because he refuses to be like “hey i might have to lay off boyfriend duties for a couple of days so i can work through all these commitments i made without thinking” because he thinks he’ll be a bad boyfriend because of it

essentially you’re not even aware he’s getting upset with you until the stress bubbles over one day

he accidentally tells you to leave him alone and let him work which makes you sad :(

but you do because you pretty much understand that he’s overwhelmed

but you’re still upset so you don’t just forgive him and move on because … idk … if he talked to you it wouldn’t have happened in the first place

is this petty … kind of yes but if you want things to change you need to put your foot down!!!

so you spend the next two or three days missing your boyfriend a miserable amount before he texts you saying “can we talk”

of course you can

you practically sprint to his house

and you talk!! and he apologizes for being mean to you while promising it won’t happen again

and gunwook learns from his actions so it really doesn’t happen again

things go back to normal in 3-4 days

thank you for reading !

tags: @happysmileybee @wtfhyuck

[kimsmuse]

yandere hongjoong + baby trapping ♡ !!

i do not condone anything here, it’s all just fictional. do not consume if you don’t like yandere or dark themes.

fem!reader (no pronouns, just because there's mention of pregnancy) 1.2k words. warnings include manipulation, mentions/implications of sex and messing with birth control and condoms, and yandere behavior, and also kinda stockholm syndrome?

i have a planned part two, so let me know if anybody is interested <3

Your relationship with hongjoong is normal. Very normal, in fact. He has the kind of aura that would automatically appeal to everyone around you as your perfect partner. He had a caring nature and it wasn’t just limited to you, he brought out gifts and things your parents briefly mentioned that they liked for them and helped them out in tasks that even you being their kid, didn’t want to. And when it came to your friends, they were rightly impressed by him from the very first time that they met him over lunch and he insisted on paying the bill. But even without the economic front, all of them were secretly swooning over how when you said you didn’t like the food you ordered and rather liked his dish, he was immediate in swapping them even though it was evident that even he didn’t like it.

Your parents had already dreamt of him as the perfect son-in-law, the one that they would be bragging about to neighbours, relatives, you name it and they’d be bragging and your friends were already planning to invite him and you, ofcourse to this new italian place that opened for lunch..

So it comes as a shock to them when you let them know that your relationship has sunk to a saturation point, meaning it was just dying. it wasn’t even anybody's fault - not yours and neither hongjoong's but it felt like a pretty, beautiful flower wilting, slowly withering away. it was good while it lasted though.

your father's first comment was to ask, "does that mean i have to watch all my baseball matches alone from now?"

you knew what it meant though. have you two broken up? not yet, but you were going to talk to him today.

lately, all he replied to you was with “hmm's” and a nod or maybe if you were lucky enough, he would look your way. he said it was because he was stressed about his work, and that he really needed some time and space to focus for it, which you weren't quite against but the way things had steadily been the same for about more than 6 months, you felt like you had to be the bad person and pull the trigger.

“hongjoong,”

he sits down on the sofa and sighs, but responds to you, his voice tired.

“yes, baby? ” he asks.

you're in the kitchen, removing your apron and slowly making your way to the living room, you wonder what his reaction will be when you finally break the news to him. accepting? angry? upset?

“ hongjoong, we need to talk, ”

now, hongjoong wasn’t born yesterday, he knows what that stands for wnd he's been aware of the crumbling of the relationship as well but when push comes to shove…

he decides that he'll let you speak, he'll let you pour out whatever you feel like saying, what are the problems you think are bothering your relationship.

“I get it, baby,” he emphasises on the nickname sourly, “do it.”

he looks nonchalant about the whole situation while you just want out now, you didn’t like where this whole thing seemed to be heading now, his eyes were getting almost angry, something you’ve seen him do with others, but you? you’d never have imagined him looking your way like that.

there’s something scary about it, “oh, joong, i don’t want to break it off, i’m just wondering if we can work on it, give it a better chance.”

relief fills you when you see that his expressions have softened. “i’m sorry, i thought you wanted to leave, shit. sorry, i can’t believe i would…”

hongjoong had messed up, big time. it wasn’t excusable this time, he felt guilty that he was angry at you when you didn’t even want to leave him. you’d never want to leave him, right?

hongjoong waits, with bated breath. he's been waiting for about, 3 weeks, yes, as the calendar tells him. and it finally begins, the wave of nausea starts hitting you and its not his alarm that wakes him up but the sound of you retching out your guts. he doesn’t mind it, not right now, when it was his plan all along.

and he can tell you're confused, you had the pills! you took them! and he watches you try to sheepishly dispose of the pregnancy tests, and he even follows you to the gynec’s clinic, careful to keep a distance so you can’t see him.

but you see, if there’s one rule hongjoong would always tell his future kid to follow is to never trust anybody, in your case you didn't have a choice really so he doesn't blame you for giving in to him. but for his kid, he needs to instill this one thing in him thoroughly. the world was a big, bad place, where people like his father lived.

after you confronted him, it was like hongjoong woke up from his sleep, like if he didn’t do anything, didn’t put in efforts, then you could actually leave, and he’d be damned if he ever let you do that. so he decided to level up his games, first it was his change in behaviour, he came home early, he brought in all sorts of trinkets and snacks that he thought you would like and he returned to his normal self, but he could, deep down, sense that it wasn’t the way it was before and he was scared that you pack up and leave still.

it was why he had replaced the birth control pills and even went as far as to poke holes in his condom.

he wasn't a bad man really, but he was getting sick of your protests to leave soon and that you've had enough of him or that you both aren't working anymore. he notices that those complaints have considerably started going down as your focus shifts to your health.

and now he doesn't think the crumbling state of his relationship would matter much, he would hit the reset button and he would become the man that you and his kid needed.

he becomes so, so soft throughout the entire period, it would make you forget about any of the cruelties he ever inflicted on you. and you think to yourself, maybe he really can change, maybe he really did change for the better?

and hongjoong thinks that as well, he's just so happy for the both of you. you're having a baby! it's so exciting!

when you tell him he pretends to not know, to be surprised, “we’re having a baby!” as if he wasn’t the one who conspired and made the whole thing happen.

the best thing is that you seem happy about it too, hongjoong has changed, and there’s nobody else you’d rather have a kid with, especially since you’ve seen how caring he is with other kids and just other people generally, so when it would come to his own kid, he would definitely come into the perfect father category.

when you looked at him, holding his hand, he feels like the man you fell in love with in the beginning and you’re sure, that you’ll love the father of your kid forever. let’s just hope you never find out how he bent seas and mountains to make that happen.

[h0ney-mochi]

Oh, dear Valentine of mine.

Scaramouche x reader ;; readers pronouns not mentioned

SMUT/NSFW CONTENT (sort of soft? scaramouche, top!scaramouche, bottom!reader, too long intro, it's just seggs bro)

Summary: Scara doesn't understand Valentines, but his mind is occupied with you. Coming home earlier than usual, he makes a little something for you, not knowing said dish won't be even touched for the night.

A/n: joining my favorite writer's and mutual's (@sumeruin ) collab event <3 Glad to be participating heheh, hope this is good enough to be in the event ٩(◕‿◕)۶ Go check out other ppls entries btw !!!! Happy late Valentines Day everyone <3

Minor writer, dni if uncomfortable!

Scaramouche didn't care for Valentines Day. Why would couples need a day about themselves, for themselves? To show off? Get a pass to makeout wherever they wanted to for a day? That's stupid reasoning. It's annoying.

He still thinks the same after being around you. Just a little, little less.

Yet when he wakes up and heads to the kitchen, he didn't expect you to be wrapping up a medium-sized gift. You didn't notice him, making sure all looked good, taping a small note on top. You jumped in surprise when you raised your head and saw him standing there.

"Oh-! Good morning!" You speak, smile on your lips as you walk to him. He raises his eyebrows at you and you give him a kiss. You whisper a simple Valentines greeting, quickly taking the gift and handing it to him.

"You don't need to open it now," you glance away, "You can do it after work. I heard your annoyed whispers when we went in that shop that already had decorations." Looking away from you and at the box, he slowly takes it, nodding.

"Will be better after work, so I get a distraction from my stupid colleagues," Scara speaks and you smile again. You ask about breakfast, but he says he needs to leave earlier. Of course you let him go, this was normal.

You knew he'll probably late home again. Maybe later just to not experience Valentines. Part of you did hope he'd come sooner. Oh well, another day, you should head out. Running out of few ingredients.

...

All day Scaramouche was uneasy. He did catch couples here and there, making him groan at the sight. Why in public? Seriously? Are they trying to prove something?

Yet his mind wandered to you. You're doing all these efforts for him, for the two of you. Not once were you unhappy about each occasion, event, or his attitude, whatever it was. His eyes glued onto the gift you gave him.

He should be with you, not here. And so he leaves, muttering something about an 'urgency.'

When he gets home, it's quiet. Making sure the place is all to himself, he decides to recheck his cooking skills! Thinking for first few moments of what did you like, what could he make for you?

Scara was really focused on doing the finishing touches to a dish for the two of you that he didn't even hear the door opening up. Only when you walk into the kitchen with a bag in hand, your voice breaking the silence.

He immediately turns to you, wide eyes. You stare at each other for a few seconds before you start giggling. His brows furrowed in confusement. What's so funny now? Are you making fun of him?

"Share the joke, idiot," Scara groans, "I've got shit to do." "You- you have icing on your face, darling," you say and laugh, covering your mouth. He blinks, hand reaching up to find it somehow. Then he sighs in frustration, muttering a 'shut up'.

He turns back to finish up with said icing.

"I'm right! There is something!" You say, walking past him, putting your bag down on the counter. A smile stayed your lips while the man said some more curses under his breath.

"You're back early, what's up?" You break the silence again. "What, I can't come home and see my darling?" Scara immediately responds, straightening his back, done with his work. You just shook your head, emptying the bag, putting the contents where they're supposed to be.

It was silent, which had you worried a little. You walk next to him and your eyes immediately catch onto the two dishes. You can't help but let out an 'awe.'

"Made this for us- you," He corrects himself, glancing at you before going to put other stuff away. You stare for a while before finally turning towards him to respond. Before you could start your sentence with a thanks, you're met with his lips against yours.

His hands immediately pulled you closer, holding you in place. You were caught off guard, but kissed him back. After a moment Scara pulled away, staring at you.

"I don't give a fuck about the dish, or about this day, not even the fact that half of the people made out in our stupid hallways," He groans, remembering his day, "It's weird."

You blinked then smiled, "Will there be a follow up?" He slowly nods, "The only thing I give a fuck about is you and how you're always here. I'm- that's weird to say, isn't it?"

"Scara, did you even open the gift I gave you?" You ask and he shakes his head. You nod your head to the side and he takes the hint. Leaving you he goes to get said gift you gave him in the morning.

Inside there were some chocolates, a letter type note you wrote for him, and a smaller different note. He looks at you, "You know I'm not the one for sweets." "That's why I got a new tea taste for you."

It went silent.

Scara was back in front you, taking your hand and pulling you away from the kitchen. "What- did you not like the gift? Was my handwriting hard to read-?" You ask, wondering. He shakes his head, pulling you inside the bedroom.

Once the door is closed, you're pushed against it, Scaramouche breathing in your neck. It sure as hell made you shiver. "No," he speaks, "Nothing's wrong." He lifts his head to look at your confused face, "Everything is how it should be."

...

His nails left marks in your skin from how hard he was holding you. Scara's breathing in your neck, harshly thrusting inside of you while you clawed at his back. Your eyes keep squeezing shut, yet you try to keep them open, to see your lover.

When Scaramouche straightens his back a little to watch you, noises slip past his lips. You're just too gorgeous like this — fucked out expression, warm cheeks, struggling to keep eye contact, your eyes rolling back.

He continues to stare, angling his hips in a different way just to see you turn your head to the side, feel your nails dig in his skin harder. Right then and there he knows he doesn't need anything else in this life other than you.

"[Name], fuck- Look at me," his hand leaves your thigh, going to hold your chin. You focus your gaze on his, a small smile tugging on your lips. His thumb rubs your cheek and Scara leans in for a kiss. Your hands go up to his neck, one hand tangling into his hair.

When you were down on the bed and having a messy makeout, you didn't think so much would happen in a day. A Valentines Day.

There was a stutter in his thrusts, Scaramouche pulling away from your lips. You took one of your hands away and intertwined your fingers with his. He squeezed your hand, nails digging at the back of your hand. You could tell he was trying to not break on top of you. Eyes getting more hazy, voice getting higher, moans mixing with yours.

You were his gift and he was yours.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer again. There's a sharp inhale and his other hand goes to hold onto your waist, pace a little rougher. The way you clench down on his cock is bringing him more and more to the edge.

His name sounds pretty on your tongue. He needs to hear more of it.

Scara leans down to suck another dark mark on your skin. Your head is thrown back, other hand is tugging on his dark hair. You've messed it up with all your desperate tugging. The air feels thick, the sheets feel troublesome and hot.

Your moans of his name get louder and he leaves your neck to look at you. He wants to see the expression on your face when you cum on his dick. He needs to know he has made you feel so, so good. It doesn't take long, his hand is squeezing yours again.

Your body shudders, eyes almost closing, but you keep that eye contact. Scaramouche thrusts inside you few more times until his fast pace drops. Heavy, warm sighs fill the silence. You blinked up at your lover. He swallows, focusing on your eyes once more.

"Scara?" You weakly smiled, "Does.. this mean you're my Valentine for the day?" He raises an eyebrow and you couldn't help, but let out a small laugh. "Does this mean you're mine?" He answers you with a question, leaning down to your face.

You nod, putting your hands around his neck again, "Of course." Scaramouche gives you a quick peck on your lips before responding.

"Let's get you cleaned up, dear Valentine of mine."

Thank you for reading <3 Enjoy your day with a cup of tea, reader. ♡

© h0ney-mochi 2023 / Please don't copy or repost my work and writings!��<3

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

the avengers meeting your boyfriend [teenage avenger headcanons!]

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 1.2k

request: yes / no

original request: can you do one where the reader gets a boyfriend and everybody is getting overprotective and when they see their door closed they all bust in while we are watching a movie bc they thought the reader & bf were making out so they give them “the talk”😭😭

dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)

characters: so many oml but some include tony stark, bruce banner, natasha romanoff, clint barton, thor, steve rogers, scott lang, bucky barnes, wanda maximoff, sam wilson, there's probably more but that's all i'll put for now lol

a/n: y'all know i had to use this picture LMAO anyways ty for the request!!! two in one day #slay (that rhymes) requests are still open, send in an ask whenever :)

taglist: @nutellani @thecloudedmind

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

-----------------------✰----------------------

ok first i’m gonna name ur bf so it doesn’t get confusing

HAHA

let’s call him

jack

guys i’m so unoriginal pls ignore :’)

anyways so you had been dating jack for a while

he had asked you to go to midtown’s winter formal together :) 

and ofc u didn’t tell any of the avengers bc u KNEW they wouldn’t react well

but of COURSE mr. peter parker was so excited that he had to open his big mouth

miles kicked him under the table but it was too late

“who asked you to the formal y/n?” natasha asked, a small smile on her face

you could FEEL yourself blushing

all you wanted to do was like sink into the floor

which is actually physically possible (though it’s an anomaly)

bruce told you that :D 

anyways you just shook your head 

so then HARLEY decided to go “jack lastname”

IM REALLY BAD AT NAMES IM SORRY

and you were ready to die

right then and there

if the grim reaper decided it was your time you would be fine with it

so tony goes “jack lastname… huh.”

“tony, please don’t – “ you tried, but he was already there.

“jarvis, can you run a background check on that kid.”

you were so embarrassed.

miles, sweet sweet miles tried to change the subject

“so um… steve. how was… your day.”

but then there was sam wilson butting in

“when is winter formal anyway? you know we gotta know so we can take pictures.”

and that made you, harley, peter, and miles groan

tony was still looking at some tablet or whatever.

“stark!” came thor’s booming voice. “i thought you said no electronic devices were permitted at the dinner table! if they were, i would be much happier!!”

“yeah yeah. well they’re not. i’m busy.” tony replied, dismissing the god with a wave of his hand.

and happy, who was right next to tony, kept leaning over and shaking his head or nodding.

SO EMBARRASSING

anyways once you got done with dinner you went to put the dishes in the dishwasher robot

idk why i said it like that but it’s basically this cool thing where you put the dishes in the sink and this robot will wash them & put them away

very nice bc doing the dishwasher is so much work sometimes.

but then wanda, nat and carol came in

and you KNEW they were gonna try to get you to talk

“i’ll tell you guys later.” you spoke, trying to end the embarrassment. 

“come on y/n! we want to see him at least.” carol said, tilting her head and raising a brow.

“ok fine.” you said, and pulled up a picture of jack. you showed it to them for like one second and then put your phone back in your pocket.

“hey wait! no fair! i wanna see! yeah.” came the voices of sam, clint, scott, and bucky as they tried to fight their way into the kitchen.

“that’s a hard no. maybe i’ll bring him here after the dance. harley peter miles and i were already going to stay over. then he could walk by you guys for TWO SECONDS and then do something with me.”

“alright.” said sam, crossing his arms and nodding.

“seems fair!” said bruce.

“perfect.” you replied, leaving the room to leave them all to inevitably gossip.

SKIP AHEAD

ok so it’s winter formal

and you strategically told jack to meet you there so that the avengers couldn’t bombard him during picture taking time.

so y’all had a super fun time

& u slow danced with each other 🤭🤭

it was super fun

but you were kind of dreading going back to the tower

you had told jack about being an avenger a few weeks ago

and he was super excited to meet them all

jack is like super sweet & really awesome

so it put you at ease a little bit.

so you went back to the tower with him

peter harley and miles had gone to get ice cream and were coming back later

so you did the retinal and fingerprint scan that would let you into the elevator

and you went up to the main floor (so you could get to your room)

but ofc they were all there

and so you took jack’s hand and brought him over to where they all were

he was lowkey freaking out

and bro

bucky and sam and clint and scott looked so unamused

tony and happy too

SO YOU JUST TRIED TO KEEP IT CIVIL

but they all were acting so clipped and like not charismatic 

idk

but wanda, steve and bruce were rly nice so that put jack at ease a little bit

anyways so then you took jack to your room

you guys had been planning to watch a movie together

he was kind of nervous because he didn’t think the avengers liked him

but you assured him they did

(at least you hoped)

anyways you turned on the movie & watched it

and it was soo funny so y’all were laughing a lot

BUT THEN THE DOOR SUDDENLY OPENED

and it was so loud you got freaked out fr

but then you saw it was tony, bucky, sam and steve.

“y/n. could you go out in the hall for a minute.” steve said.

“this is my room!!” you tried, but tony just pointed out to the hall. 

“i’m sorry jack.” you said to your boyfriend

jack was literally about to cry omg

poor thing

“don’t be mean.” you said as you left, taking extra care to give them all a withering stare

natasha and bucky had taught you that skill well bc you saw sam shiver HAHA

so you went to the hall and clint, scott, and natasha were standing there.

“what are they DOING??” you hissed at them.

“they’re just worried for you y/n. they wanted to talk to the kid.” natasha assured you, patting your shoulder.

“yeah, nothin’ to worry about!!” scott added, a big grin on his face

“well i really don’t trust that coming from you.” you replied

“well tony thought you guys were kissing in there!” clint laughed.

although it turned into an “ow” when natasha elbowed him

“he WHAT?!” you replied

“yeah, that’s why he came up here. he said he wanted the most intimidating ones to go make that kid afraid or something.” scott added. “not sure why he didn’t ask me…”

you gave scott a nod but then made your way back into your room, crossing your arms and raising a brow as tony, bucky, sam and steve turned towards you.

“hey y/n.” sam said, raising a hand to wave.

“are you guys done now? i’d like to finish the movie.” you said, trying to be stern.

“i think we are. right jack?” steve said, standing up and gesturing towards your boyfriend.

“yes sir! i mean steve. i mean mr. rogers?” he said, clearly scared out of his mind.

“yeah yeah. alright. get out please!!” you said, guiding them out of your room.

bucky was the last to leave, but despite you pushing him, he turned back to face your boyfriend.

“hey, you. hurt them in any way and i’ll find you.” he said, accompanied by his signature deathstare.

then he gave a little salute to you. 

“night kid. don’t stay up too late.”

and then he was gone.

“did he really mean that??” jack said, eyes wide.

“yeah, he did.” you said, sitting beside him and holding his hand. “isn’t that sweet?”

-----------------------✰----------------------

[ataraxiaspainting]

Heaven Can Wait.

Yan (College AU) Juno x GN Reader.

Warnings: Yandere themes, stalking, manipulation, descriptions of violence, implications of dub-con sex (not with the reader), Chrollo is the worst, and unhealthy relationships.

Word Count: 1k.

Can be considered to be an honorary part of Hier Encore. (Or as a standalone for a soft yandere hot woman)

*~*~*~*

You could have chosen a better place to eat. Everything was less than half the usual price compared to the more expensive places, yes. But the customer service was ghastly though, the food was near inedible, and everything smelled of cigarettes. Cracked white bowls and filthy cups littered every table, including the one you two are sitting at.

Well, Juno thought, at least I can smoke here.

That would ruin the mood though, perhaps. She wants you to only have the best opinion of her after all. She wants it so bad that she has dressed up to the nines for a simple late-night fast-food run. Like a single cloud hovering in a bright blue sky, she stands out like a sore thumb.

It’s half past midnight now, much later than she usually stays up on her days off. Not that she had many off days, to begin with. It’s a prison of her design honestly; always wanting to know more and do more sometimes gets her nowhere.

But most of the time it gets her somewhere.

It was easy enough to befriend you, having moments not too intimate but not too distant either.

Yes. Yes… you remind her of him, in some ways.

You tell her sweet words and your touch is as soft as the pillows she sleeps on. Those were not the only traits Sebaste had Juno sees in you, though.

You’re not the most aloof person she knows, that easily goes to Camus, but you still don’t know how to control your facial expressions much. You like the beach, but not necessarily like the ocean’s water. 

“How can you just eat all of that?”

“Pardon?”

You point. Juno looks down at the many empty plates on her side of the table, all piled high on one another and all having a thin layer of red sauce inside them. There must have been at least five, she thinks. She was too zoned out to feel the spice of the food most likely. 

Your bowl, on the other hand, was more than half full. Your side of the table was also covered in little splotches of hot sauce, while hers remained mostly clean. You were avoiding the vegetables maybe, or maybe you didn’t have as high of a spice tolerance as she did. Juno is undecided on which one would be more likely.

…Has… she really eaten this many bowls while her imagination roamed free?

She has dealt with far worse pain. Though around forests in the middle of the night only to be threatened with a taser was on the much lower end of the spectrum of unfortunate situations she has been in, the spiciness was somehow even lower. The device was set to the lowest setting, but her skin still felt like it was about to jump out of her body and run away. Being held with an ax right below her neck while another hand held her up by her hair was another one only slightly above the last two. She only had a slight cut just above her collarbone when the grip loosened and she was able to leave.

But she cannot tell you all of that; she wouldn’t want you in more danger than she has already made you be in.

“I’ve simply dealt with far worse… ‘dishes’, [First].”

You look confused at her answer but decide not to pry – another trait she loves about you, your ability to not invade others’ privacy – and decide to instead delve into the now cold cup of admittedly diluted green tea you ordered mere minutes ago.

*~*~*~*

When Juno locks the door behind her, she notices the tall lamp by her desk is on. It’s no mere coincidence, she knows it, but somewhere deep down she hopes that tonight it will be. Hell has to take a break sometimes, right? 

Juno has to remind herself that though the demons may have today to do whatever they please, Lucifer himself does no such thing. He enjoys making life for others unbearable – he lives for it.

She can’t make out Chrollo’s face because of the book he covers over it.

“The Collector, huh?” Juno sets her purse on the coat rack along with her cardigan. Her high heels come off soon after, though they do make a blunt thump when she puts them by her dorm’s entrance. Chrollo just turns a page, almost as if he is ignoring you entirely, almost as if this is his home and not yours. “I recommended that one to you, did I not? I thought that perhaps you could metamorphose into a better person if you see the damage you could potentially do to your crush.”

Her teeth push against each other as she says the last word.

“Is that how my lovely girlfriend greets me after cheating on me in the middle of the night?” He looks down at his watch – one of the many he wears on the regular, though she can swear that this one was the most expensive from the little diamonds around the outer rim of the clock. “At such a cheap place too.”

“A crush is all I am.”

“Are you now?”

Chrollo doesn’t even look at you as he stands up, the book still covering his face as he steps towards you. His posture is upright like it normally is, but his suit is without a tie and the button-up is a third way undone. He must have been in quite a rush to break in here – she hopes he did.

“Then what are they to you, huh? A crush as well?”

She shakes her head, and somehow he sees it because he nods in response.

“Then what are they?”

“Something you are not.”

“Are they really, Juno?”

Slowly but surely the book falls to Chrollo’s side – a blood-red curtain that does nearly nothing to hide the scene about to be revealed to the audience. The actors are not there and neither are the special effects done by the stagehands, but the props stay where they were placed.

It’s horrifying.

She struggles to come up with a coherent answer to the question despite her expecting it. It is like Chrollo used his damn book without even opening it – her painted lips feel dry and her freshly washed hair feels like it is about to fall off from stress. It is like a diabolical curse has been put over her like she will become a haggard old woman with a humpback in mere seconds. If that did happen, Chrollo would have her beg for months on end until he is satisfied.

She doesn’t want that.

She doesn’t want that any more than she wants you to get hurt because of her.

She doesn’t want you to see her hideous real face, nevertheless Chrollo���s.

You’ll stay with her, won’t you? You’ll stay until her flesh rots and your flesh rots and Chrollo’s flesh rots. If you allow her, she won’t let go of you even when she is long dead. Her pretty nails will dig into your skin and refuse to leave. You’ll stay – because you are all she has left in this cold, uncaring world. 

“Don’t hurt them.” Her fingertips hold onto her skirt like they are flies and it is a spider’s web.

He points – a clear order, a clear demand.

“Get on the bed then, dearest.”

[https-mi1zu]

The Peacock and The Crow

(Chapters 4,5,6)

CO WRITERS, SPELL CHECKERS, AND HONESTLY THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD: @cha0sdumpster AND @charliestories

WARNINGS: subtle mentions of suicide.

Word count: 3,792.

CHAPTER FOUR: T is for Trauma

Ever since I was a child, I always took care of others before me. It was how I was taught, raised even. ‘take care of others before yourself’  was my motto, one I followed everyday. Most people say I can't say no, always saying yes to whatever someone asked of me. 

“clean the dishes june!”

“Can you go with me for a bit?”

“Write this down and submit it next week.”

”Could you buy this for me?” 

“Can’t you do anything right, june?”

Most of these words came from my mother, Alexandria. Every morning and every night, she’d go out drinking and come back home with some stranger, I’d always find her passed out. I don’t know why, though. And every time the guy left without a word, she’d cry. It was always the same words, “I finally found the one! He said he loved me!” I’d have to be there to let her cry on my shoulder and hear her complaints about her most recent “lover”. It’s so tiring.

I’ve always wondered what life would be like if I didn’t exist in the first place. I mean, I wouldn’t even be there, so my life would be non-existent. Would my mother be happy? would she finally get back with my dad and have another child? Would my parents stay together longer if I wasn’t there?

My father divorced my mother after he found out she was cheating on him with his brother. So they got a divorce a week later. My mom still wanted custody of me, my dad too so they made a deal. I would live with my mom, but my dad would still take care of my education. Sometimes my Lola would take me on shopping trips with my cousins. I remember when I was six, I remember that my father and mother had a fight because my grandma bought me an expensive toy, it was a doll house. My mother said that I didn't deserve that doll house, my father defended me.

Did I really deserve that dollhouse? Did I deserve anything in general?

I don’t know.

I just don’t know. 

“I don’t know.” I use that phrase too much. If anyone asks me what I want and what I want to do, my only response is I don’t know. Why couldn't I make a decision? Why couldn't I decide what I want to do with myself? Can’t I make my own decisions by now? I’m thirteen, I should be able to decide what I want to do.

If I didn’t say yes to a task, I’d always say I don’t know. There was a time when I answered my mother this, she didn't come home for a week because I was ‘being disobedient’. I was starving, my mother was the one who usually bought me ingredients to cook. She came back a week later with new expensive clothes, a man I’ve never met before and a half eaten burrito in hand. I just stared at her while she threw the burrito at me, it fell to my feet. I bent down to pick it up as my mom and her new boyfriend were laughing at me, calling me an askal (stray dog). I didn't care though, I still ate it, the rice from the burrito spilled, I grabbed it and shoved it in my mouth like some street beggar. 

Another time was, my mother called me a leech because I asked for baon (lunch money)

“Baon? Ano ka ba, isang pulubi? Hindi ako balon ng pera!” (lunch money? What are you, a beggar? I'm not made of money!)  She laughed at my face. “maaari ikaw na lang magluto ng iyong tanghalian.” (you can make your own lunch.) My mother scoffed, turning away from me to face the TV to watch her show. After that I just walked away, to make myself a sandwich before school started. The rest of that school day, I was starved until Miss Fiore shared with me some of her food.

Why did she treat me like this? Did I do something wrong? Maybe I did, I always somehow did something wrong. Maybe it was because my mom got pregnant with me at a young age, 17. Maybe it was my fault for being an ungrateful bratty child, it's my fault that I didn’t appreciate her for going out every night and coming back with a new guy. It's all my fault when I don't listen to her problems and come up with a solution right away. Its my fault I can’t take care of her right. 

Its my fault

My fault

It's all my fault. 

It's my fault that I can't memorize things well, it's my fault that I can't do math or sit still. It's my fault when I can't understand the lesson first hand. It's all my fault when my mother and father had to spend the extra money for my education. Its my fault when they stare at me with those looks on their faces, full of pity or disgust. It’s my fault that I can’t be who she expects me to be. It’s my fault….

It will always be my fault, won't it? Is it my fault that people around me feel weird or angry? Was it my fault that I got angry when Mars left to go talk with her other friends? 

I can’t cry normally now. 

I cry at small things, when someone yells at me or when I get left out. I cry when I get hugs and when I get comforted. Crying is something I'm good at, trying to control them is something that I can't do. I'm afraid of people leaving me alone with my thoughts, when they do leave, my thoughts consume me whole. They make me think things I know aren't true but…I can't help but believe them. I just couldn't help but believe that what they are saying is true.

I've spent my whole life, consumed by the voices in my head. I followed them down to the bone, making sure my every movement wouldn't anger them more than they should. Mars keeps telling me to improve myself, mentally. I never could.

Honestly, the people who keep saying “It’s alright, just stop thinking about it” or “ ”. I want to improve myself, every single damn year since 6th grade, but I just couldn't. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop myself from my own mind criticizing me, I couldn't stop the voices from talking. The voices consume me, every hour and every minute, talking about every little thing I do or say. What I wear, eat, act, no matter how hard I try, the voices will never stop.

“Don't embarrass yourself”

“Crying in public is kinda cringy, don't you think?”

“If you start making a scene now, what will your mom think of you?”

“What would everyone in the class think if you just started crying, june?”

“They're watching your every move June, what do you think they’re thinking of you right now?”

“They think you're weird, they think that you don't belong here.”

“Ew, what a creep, and a weirdo too!” 

“You don’t belong here.”

”Maybe you should stop eating so much, you look fat.”

They say, having a mindset like this doesn't help you improve, it only makes it worse and worse until the day you can’t take it anymore. It breaks you down slowly until you’re nothing. When that day comes, your mind will be blank, it will all be quiet. And once the quiet settles, you’ll regret everything that brought you to this place. I yearn for the quiet, the sound of nothing is both a torture and a blessing. The silence calms the mind, and the body, but it's lonely. I hate being alone. It's ironic, since I’ve been left alone for a majority of my life. My entire childhood. My dad’s side was there for me, but once they dropped me off at my mom’s house, it started all over again. I’m left on my own, with just me and my thoughts. 

I both hate and love the quiet, the silence of knowing nothing there to hurt you but…I don't like being alone. The fact of me being alone disgusts me when I think of it. I want to be in silence, but I don't wanna be alone. The loneliness consumes me like I’m being swallowed whole by a whale. 

It just doesn't make sense, don't you think? How can a person want silence but not want to be alone? It's confusing, being alone sucks but, the silence is something I need. Being alone is a punishment in itself. But still, silence is bliss. 

Silence really does that to people, huh? It’s a friend that we both love and hate at the same time. It fills us with peace and the feeling of safety, but it also empties us deep inside. 

CHAPTER FIVE: My sanity is talking back to me.

“Mother, do you care for me?”

I tugged at the hem of her shirt, looking up at her with innocent eyes. I waited for her response with anticipation, only to feel crestfallen by her answer.

“Can’t you leave me alone for once? I'm doing something important!” She yelled, I flinched but I didn't cry. Why didn't I cry? I was six, I should've cried. Six year olds usually cry when this happens.  

I walked back to my room, closing the door behind me quietly so I wouldn't interrupt my mother. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, not daring to go outside even if it was dinner or lunch. I was scared to face my mother.

Funny, could I even call her my mother? She never treated me like her child. She treated me like a servant or a therapist, maybe that was all I was made for. Maybe I was made to be a helper to others. It’s been that way from the beginning. Caring for myself was foreign to me, how does one take care of oneself before others?

Caring for others before myself was how I was taught. My mother always told me that, 

“If you don't take care of others, then who will love you?” she told me once. 

“who will look out for you if you don't take care of those before you? no one will.”

I cared for her my whole life, and not once did she care for me. Maybe I wasn’t being a better helper like how I was supposed to be. 

Her words swirled in my head, repeating constantly like a broken music box. To this day, I can still hear it faintly in the background, even when I think it's not there. 

I was created and put into this world solely to take care of others. 

I don't cry when I get a scratch or a broken bone, that would cause a scene. That's embarrassing, crying in public catches unwanted attention, and no one likes being pinned. Pain is what makes the world peaceful, for pain is in everything.

I had to grow up faster than the others, toys were for children under the age of ten. I’m not a child. I had to learn how to pay taxes, how to wash dishes, and how to clean clothes manually. At this point, I'm a housewife, but I’m not married yet. 

I learned how to cook at the age of 10 after learning how to make food for myself and my mom. I still cared for my mom, she gave me a house to live under and food to eat. How could I hate my mom? She's the one who brought me into this world.

My father cared for me, but I wasn't able to see him often. He always had to travel for work, leaving for days or weeks. But when he would go abroad, he’d always bring pasalubong (gift in tagalog) Sometimes he’d bring toys or clothes for me, sometimes food too. But there was a time he had to leave to go to America for three weeks due to some convention for judges. I was left all alone for that month, my mother did not make it easy like how she always did. It only helped when my grandparents or my cousins would visit and take us to the mall. Hanging out with them was fun and at the same time a good escape.  Though when they did, my mother would always argue with them, my mom saying that she had to come to “watch over me”. My cousins would argue back, saying that I was okay with them already.

I didn't like them fighting, so half the time I'd always decline and end up staying with my mom. But soon after the door was closed and they left, my mom would get angry at me.

At this point, my mom is the only person I know who hates me. So why does it feel like everyone in the world hates me as well? Sure, your parents' opinions about you matter, but my mom was just one person in my family. Yet, it felt as if the entire family was judging me or pitying me. Even though they cared, they make it apparent that they judge me. They say the typical things that relatives say at family gatherings. 

“Oh, have you been gaining weight? Better lay off the bread for now.” 

I was taught to care for others, or else they wouldn’t care for me. But that never really showed with my mother. No matter how much I cared for her, or what I did, it would seem like nothing to her.  I seemed like nothing to her. Maybe if I cared for her more, will she then take care of me for once.

It was a silly thought, my own mother taking care of me, but it was something I hoped for every single day. Someday, one day, she’ll take care of me like a real mother would. Maybe mother would give me the same amount of love you’d get from tv shows or cartoons. I could only pray and wish that my mother would have a change of heart. But every birthday, i'd wish for that solely. I wished that for once in life, my mother would care for me.

My father on the other hand, tried making it up to me by giving me gifts or presents. It was his way of saying sorry to me after leaving for so long. He thought that buying me toys and clothes would make up for the time he’s lost with me. He’s trying, I know but no matter how many toys I’d get, no matter how much money on Christmas or how much clothes I get, sometimes it feels like it was never enough.

I know that makes me sound spoiled, but buying things to make up for something you know you can't fix, doesn't really fix it. It's like buying forgive-ness. I am grateful of course, grateful that he and my lola spent a lot of money on me, but the only thing I wished for was for him to be there.

I wanted my father to be there for me, I wanted him to teach me an instrument or a game. It's all I’ve ever wanted, I wanted my parents to actually care. I don’t need new toys or money or any of that materialistic stuff he bought for me. I definitely didn’t need all the hate I received from my mom. I just wanted their love and care. At least just for a moment.

CHAPTER SIX: I get kidnapped???

I waited for awhile, Miss fiore wasn’t back yet, she should've been back by now…right? 

Paying and bringing back food should be quick, why isn't she back yet.

Maybe some teacher stopped her on the way to discuss about a school event or PT week.

”hey, you there.” A gravelly voice with a slight Italian accent jolted me out of my thoughts. It was vague but I could hear it. I looked over to the gate, there were sage green bars separating the ates and parents to the children, so they can't get in, in case they were a kidnapper. 

There was a boy, he looked old, not “grandpa-old” but old in general. Like, he looked tired, as if he witnessed many things in his lifetime. Bad things. The claw-like scars running down his face added to his appearance, making him look even more roughed up. I pointed to myself in confusion and he nodded. 

”Come closer.” he said, I looked at him confused, but I followed.

”Are you looking for someone po?” I asked him, keeping my distance in case he was a kidnapper. The guards weren’t there, taking their break for the day. “Yes” he responded. 

“Do you want me to help find them?” I offered, but before the guy could respond I heard a familiar voice from behind me, putting their hand on my shoulder.

“June, this is a stranger.” It was Miss Elane. “Why don't you come with me?” But when I turned to face her, she was replaced by a creature with big wings and sharp teeth. I didn’t know how to react, should I be scared? Should I be terrified? The emotions were paused in my brain, still trying to comprehend the danger in the situation. I could only stand there as it pulled me closer, its long nails reaching up to my face. Everything was in slow motion, the guy behind me was trying to reach out, and the monster in front of me was preparing to slash its claws across my chest.

”JUNE!” I heard Miss Fiore call out, ripping off her necklace with a pomegranate on it. Out of reflex, I grabbed it. It started to change into a long pole with two prongs on the end of it. My reflexes reacted as I quickly stabbed the monster. I stabbed it, one prong right through the stomach and the other on what I think was its chest (hopefully it hit whatever it was’ heart). It scratched me back, leaving a deep cut on the corner of my lips. I could taste the metallic blood that dripped from my lips to my chin.

Everything happened too quickly for me to take in. All of a sudden, the boy grabbed my arm, then it went black for a moment. Then as soon as I knew it, I was in a taxi. 

”Back to camp please.” the boy handed a coin to the driver, it didn't look like a normal coin. It looked like one of those chocolate coins. When my eyes followed the hand receiving it, there were three ladies driving when there should have been one. Long gray hair they all had, all their eyes were closed except for the one on the left her right eye was open, and its iris was a bright shade of green. Instead of real clothes, they wore gray rags, the same color as the entire inside of this vehicle. 

I was scared and confused, who is this guy, why did Miss Fiore just throw me her necklace? How did it become a long pole with two prongs? What happened to the food she ordered? I leaned back into my seat, shoulders tense.  Before I knew it we were off, and in the sky?! The taxi shot up into the clouds, making my stomach flip the same way airplanes do when they take off. I looked out the right window of the taxi, seeing how high we were. The buildings looked so small from here, flickering in and out of sight with the amount of clouds in the sky.  I immediately shuffled backwards, hitting the boy who just kidnapped me. He looked at me as if I was some creature he found and took in, who did this guy seriously think he is?!

As I got a better look at the boy, I noted he had shaggy black hair, as if he didn’t brush it at all.  He looked a lot older, like maybe 16 or 17? He was wearing a black short-sleeved shirt, with a white oversized one underneath. The hem of the black shirt was showing. He also wore ripped baggy jeans and had simple black converse on. 

I quickly backed away, turning instantly as my back hit the wall of the taxi. 

“…who are you?” I asked, my voice sounding more high-pitched and shrill than it normally should. The boy just looked at me, bluntly. “Nico di Angelo.” He responded in a blunt and sarcastic tone, it was hard to detect in his voice, but it was there. 

“Nico?” I  repeated, confused. “O-okay then who are they?” I pointed to the three old ladies up in front. “We’re gray sisters taxi service!” I heard the one on the right respond in a raspy tone of voice, sounding like they needed water.

 “the what.” 

“The gray sister’s taxi service!” the same lady repeated, as if that would make me understand or realize who they were, I just gave them a confused look.

Sitting there, confused as to what was going on. The guy, Nico, was it? Just stayed silent. He didn’t talk or anything, he just sat there on the other side of the car looking all nonchalant! Who was this guy really? Doesn't he know it's rude not to talk to company after you just kidnapped them? (well not rude, but still). He didn't even give me anything for the scar on my lip, no bandaid, rubbing alcohol, or even a tissue to stop the bleeding! I just used my jacket to put pressure on it, to stop the bleeding.

  It was only then I finally took in what was happening and where I was.

I was in a flying taxi with an emo guy and three old ladies. Last thing before this was Miss Fiore throwing her necklace at me and it turning into some type of weapon. 

Wait…where was that weapon? It just disappeared right after I got into the taxi with nico. Looking around the taxi, there was nothing. There was no weapon seen on the floor of the taxi, except for the necklace that Miss fiore threw at me. I found it strange, how did a weapon that looked taller than me suddenly disappear? Where did it go? Why did it go? And how did it go? These three questions swirled my brain like a song on repeat, but that song would probably only get a few streams. Maybe a hundred, or somewhere in the tens.

[bts-hyperfixation]

Outside of the Fox

Chapter 22 of 30

2692 words

Y/N longs for a new life when the one she'd been living comes to an abrupt stop. Without much thought to those she is leaving behind, the little fox packs a backpack and disappears. She stumbles across the shelter and makes an interim home for herself while she works out exactly what she wants from her second chance.

Last

Everyone else has already started their days by the time you can be bothered to crawl from your bed. You open your curtains to find the world has become a glistening white wonderland as snow continues to fall heavily from the sky.

The cold creeps into the house through the window panes, the old joints not capable of handling the severe weather change. You rush to shut the heavy curtains again to keep the chill at bay, even with your fox DNA the cold easily found a home in your bones making you shiver even at the thought of going outside. 

You pull on a hoodie that one of the boys must've left behind (Jungkook based on the smell) and shuffle from the room in search of a warm drink to banish away the winter. 

You find Yoongi sitting in front of the patio door with a blanket around his shoulders and a coffee in his hands watching the snowfall. He looks remarkably cosy for a breed that should despise the cold. You help yourself to a steaming cup of whatever he has made in the teapot and grab a pillow. 

You drop the pillow next to him with a thump, startling him, and make yourself comfortable beside him. He recovers quickly and slides half of his blankets over your shoulders before you have a chance to freeze. 

"Good morning," He mumbles groggily into his mug.

"Morning,"

"Did you sleep okay? There can't have been much room with all of you on that futon."

"My necks a bit sore but not too bad." You shrug.

He nods in understanding and turns his attention back to the snow. He watches it with such wonder that you can't help studying his features. His canines poke through his half smile as his eyes go wide each time a particularly big snowflake comes towards the window. 

It takes him a moment to realise you are watching him instead of the view. When he does his ears turn red and his nose buries deep inside of his mug, suddenly very shy, it's an endearing side to him you aren't sure you've seen before. 

"I'm only sitting here while I think about whether it's worth running to the studio in this weather." He states as if he needs an explanation. 

"And? Have you decided?"

"I think it'll be too cold, I'm not good at cold. But I really wanted to work on some stuff while Hobi is at his karaoke job today, to surprise him."

"Ah so that's where he is, i thought it was quiet." You joke, nudging against Yoongi's shoulder.

He chuckles and nudges you back.

"Yeah everyone is out. Jimin took Tae to the shelter, and I believe Namjoon took Jungkookie to Jin's place for a lunch date."

"So it's just us then?".

He nods in confirmation. 

"Then maybe we should do something just the two of us?" You suggest.

"As long as it's inside." He agrees, glancing at the snow with trepidation more than wonder this time. 

You settle on baking, finding the correct ingredients to make cookies. You cream the butter and sugar as Yoongi searches through the drawers for cookie cutters for you to use. He comes back with a selection of odd animal shapes and hands four to you, keeping four to himself. He brushes up against your back as he moves through the kitchen causing you to lose focus as you pour the flour in, creating a cloud of white powder to spurt up to your face. 

You wipe at the flour on your nose, crossing your eyes to try and see where needs to be wiped. Yoongi can't help himself as he giggles before reaching out to help you remove the mess. He uses a damp dish towel to get as much flour as he can. He hovers an inch from your face and studies your features closely. The temptation proves a little too much as you tip forward and peck the tip of his nose, earning yourself another endearing chuckle. 

He leans back and kisses your nose in return, then your cheeks, and then your forehead, and just when you think he is going to kiss you properly he shuffles away. He directs his attention back to looking for a rolling pin and you go back to kneading the dough together. 

Just as you push the dough flat onto the countertop, his arms circle around your waist, his head coming to rest on your shoulder.

"Is this okay?" He asks, snuggling in.

"Sure." You nod.

His hands disappear from your waist, but his back stays pressed against yours as he brings the rolling pin around. You take it from him and begin to roll out the dough. His hands cover yours and you awkwardly begin to roll out the dough together.

Some parts end up being much thicker than others as you roll unevenly together, but neither of you wants to let go of the other's hands, so you settle for it until you are ready to cut the shapes.

You place each character carefully and Yoongi presses down, cutting them out and transferring each adorable shape onto a baking sheet. 

Once the cookies are in the oven, you notice Yoongi staring down at his slippers.

You watch him curiously as his feet shuffle back and forth awkwardly. It reminded you a lot of the coming-of-age movies where a boy was about to ask his crush to prom. It was so opposite to what you had come to expect from Yoongi, the usually outgoing and more forward member of the group.

"Is everything okay?" You ask, moving closer to him. 

"Yeah, I just know that everyone has been a bit full-on with you lately, I don't want you to be overwhelmed." he shrugs.

"Is that all?" You ask, dubious. 

"No... I mean it's a lot of it. I don't want to scare you away and have you suggesting you move out again... But I also have never been the best at being the pursuer... I've always been pursued, the only time I'm ever really really forward is when I'm being more of a wingman, like when I dragged Jimin to live here or took you out to tell you about the others and I just..." he looks as if he might ramble on for some time if you don't interject.

"Would it make you feel better if I pursued you?" you say, feeling suddenly bold. 

He looks up at you properly, a little shocked at the suggestion. You take that opportunity to close the gap between the two of you. You kiss him gently, not exactly comfortable with being an instigator yourself. 

His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you flush against him. He backs you into the counter, grinding himself against you as he tries to find a way to get closer to you, naturally deepening the kiss as he presses forward. 

Eventually, he breaks the kiss to breathe, leaning his forehead against yours. His smile is all teeth as he pants softly trying to get his breath back. 

"Your lips are so soft," He comments, before diving back into peck your lips again.

He litters little kisses on your mouth, revelling in the feeling of you against him. 

"I've never kissed a girl before... I was really missing out." 

He dips in for another deep kiss, this time his hands begin to roam feeling over your curves as they explore. He pushes up Jungkook's hoodie and digs his fingers into your bare skin. Just as it feels he is about to take his touching a step further, the front door slams open.

Namjoon looks murderous as he carries a clinging Jungkook over the threshold. You and Yoongi jump apart like naughty children caught with your hands in the cookie jar. 

"What happened babe? I thought you were only going to Jin's?" Yoongi asks, making his way over to the pair in the doorway.

The jackal takes the shaking rabbit into his arms, allowing Namjoon to shirk off his shoes and jacket. 

"That nosey little doctor, inserting himself into things that don't concern him." He huffs. 

Jungkook whimpers at Namjoon's loud voice and instant regret appears on Namjoon's face. He reaches out to pet the bunny's ears, but Jungkook just burrows further into Yoongi.

You take Namjoon's hand and lead him into the living room, forcing him to sit down and calm down. Yoongi follows behind sitting in the armchair with Jungkook curled on his lap. 

"How did Jin make you this mad?" You ask, perching on the edge of the sofa next to him.

"He had the audacity to tell me I didn't know what was best for Jungkook. He implied we were harming him somehow. I can't believe he would dare accuse us of not looking after our baby." The bear growls.

You and Yoongi share a look across the room, a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

"Jin? He doesn't seem the judgemental type... How did that even get brought up in conversation." Yoongi asks.

Namjoon sighs dramatically and starts from the beginning

______________

They pulled into the doctor's apartment complex just after 11 a.m. Jungkook was bouncing his leg nervously at the prospect of going somewhere unfamiliar, but Namjoon had kept a reassuring hand on his leg the entire time, constantly reminding him that he would be happy to go home with him and have someone else drop him off later if that's what Jungkook needed. But the younger man refused, too set on seeing Jin again. 

After parking, Namjoon opened Jungkook's door and held his hand tightly, keeping him close all the way to Jin's front door. 

The doctor opened the door quickly with a wide smile on his face like he had been standing in the hall waiting for them to knock. He eyed how tightly the pair were holding hands but said nothing, moving out of the way to let them into his apartment.

Namjoon leans in and kisses Jin on the cheek as he walks past, causing the older man to blush and stutter a little.

"Make yourself at home in the living room," he said, gesturing to a door on the left. "Can I get you both a drink?"

"We will just take water please Jin." Namjoon answers for both of them. 

He leads Jungkook into the living room and sits down, Jungkook just naturally falling into his lap. 

Jin comes back with two glasses, handing them over and then making himself comfortable in an overstuffed armchair.

"I'm so glad you could both make it." He grinned "Lunch is in the oven, should be about 20 more minutes." 

"It smells delicious," Namjoon said, and Jungkook nodded in agreement.

"How are you Jungkook? it feels like forever since I've seen you," Jin asks. 

Jungkook shuffled uncomfortably on Namjoon's lap, not yet accustomed enough to the environment to come out of his shell. His want to speak to Jin not able to overcome his anxiety.  He shrugs and hopes it's enough of an answer but Jin just frowned, making Jungkook feel bad that he couldn't make himself speak.

"Is it always like this when you go somewhere new?" The doctor asked, aiming this question more at Namjoon.

"It can be yeah. You've seen him have a panic attack before." Namjoon replied, trying to sweep the topic away. " We should talk more about you though, he will calm down soon. How has work been?" Namjoon petted Jungkook's back as he leaned in to give Jin more attention. 

"Have you ever thought about therapy for Jungkook? or for all of you maybe? Like a family thing? I have a few friends in the field I could get in touch with for you." Jin suggested not letting it drop. 

"He is recovering fine, he is much better now than when we met him a year ago, we don't need the outside help"  Namjoon responded, his voice turning sharp.

Jungkook whined in protest at the shift in Namjoon's behaviour. He didn't want them to fight, especially with him in the middle.

"I didn't mean anything by it Joon." Jin said putting his hands up in surrender. "I just think it'd be good for all of you." 

"And I think you should mind your business." Namjoon retorted.

"I only want to help, I can't help it if I care about you all," Jin defended himself.

"We didn't ask for your help." 

Namjoon pushed Jungkook up and took his hand pulling him to the front door. 

"I think maybe we should do this another day," Namjoons said icily.

"Come on Joon, I really didn't mean anything by it," Jin called after him.

Namjoon either didn't hear him or pretended not to.

"I need to get Jungkook home. We can talk about this later." Namjoon huffed as he exited the apartment. 

_______________________________

"So a doctor showed some concern for Jungkook's condition and you freaked out?" You ask.

Yoongi and Namjoon shoot you venomous glares and you put your hands up.

"Look all I'm saying is Jungkook's situation is... a little concerning, especially as an outsider. I really don't think Jin meant anything by it." You explain.

Namjoon sighs in defeat like he knows you are right, but he isn't willing to admit it. Before either predator gets a chance to say their piece Jungkook perks up from Yoongi's lap and reaches out for you. 

You hold out your arms in a similar fashion and he unfolds from Yoongi's lap to find his way to you, but instead of sitting down in your lap like you expected him to, he pulls you up to him. 

He takes you by the hand a drags you into his bedroom. 

It's the first time he has allowed you into his own space. The walls are covered in posters of different movies he enjoys and there are collectables and action figures littering the shelves. The bed is hung from the ceiling with small sides built up around the edges to prevent the mountain of blankets from spilling out in the night. 

"How do you even fit everyone in this bed with that many blankets?" you ask, but he doesn't respond.

He fireman lifts you over his shoulder making you squeal and then drops you into the centre of his nest, positioning you like you're a part of it. The bed sways as he clambers in. Once his nose is buried in the crook of your neck he finally speaks.

"I wanted to stay at Jin's." He whispers.

"You'll get another chance when Namjoon calms down." You comfort him, drawing circles onto his back.

"I wanted to talk to him, but the words wouldn't come out."

"It's okay, new places are creepy. It'll be okay after another visit or two."

"I want to be better all the time." He whimpers, on the edge of tears.

"Then we can talk about ways to help you when tempers are a little less high." 

You kiss him on the forehead and prepare for him to take another nap on you, but he surprises you. Instead, he rolls on top of you, pinning you to the bed. He holds your wrists out to the sides and leans down to press his lips to yours. The kiss is a little salty from where tears had tracked down his face, but sweet nonetheless. He is more eager than the others, his main desire is to please you more than himself.

You chase his mouth as he pulls up, but the way his hands are holding you down makes it difficult to catch him. He giggles at your attempt, his head dipping in and out of your reach as you try to capture his lips again. He laughs hard as he teases you, enjoying it a little too much. Eventually, he slips up, accidentally sending himself off balance and allowing you to roll on top of him instead.

You straddle his hips and his hands land on your thighs. You contemplate teasing him in the same way but find yourself becoming too impatient. Instead, you bend down and kiss him deeply.

Next

Masterlist

Send me asks - doesn't have to be fic related. Can be smutty, thirsty, fluffy, angsty, whatever you're feeling regarding BTS. Can be literally anything doesn't have to be BTS

AN: How mad do you think Tae is going to be when he figures out he is the last kiss? Not including Jin of course... although I could be that mean...

[undead-moth]

Heyy, I just read your post about The Bear S3! I don't know if that's too much to ask but I was wondering if you could explain to me SydCarm? I can see why Syd would be great for Carmy, but I don't really see how he (yes, healed/healing) would be good for her. I'm ace, so the complementary aspect and the journey are both big things for me in romance, and people talk about it for SydCarm but it just hasn't clicked for me? I'm just looking to be educated ^^

Hi. Thanks for asking.

1. One thing that Carmy does for Syd that I think is good for Syd, or think Syd needs, is someone who prevents her from getting carried away, or from becoming overconfident. We see in season's one and two that she knows how to cook, and yet she has a tendency to think that her dish is ready sooner than it is, or a tendency to think she knows more than she does, or thinks she's prepared for more than she is.

Carmy puts her in her place - but he does so in such a way that both affords her respect and makes it clear that it's not personal. He's not judging her and he doesn't think less of her for having created a dish that isn't perfect, or having an idea that won't work, or whatever it is.

Now, we only get to see how this benefits her professional pursuits as a chef, but I think it would extend beyond that in a relationship. Even in this season, she pulled the trigger on that new apartment pretty quickly, and only sought her dad's advice after the fact. Maybe nothing comes of that - or maybe something does. If she were in a relationship with Carmy, and intending to live with him, they would be getting a place together, and maybe he slows her down. Maybe he says, "Hey, let's look at some others while we think about this place," and they leave and find somewhere better. That's a tiny thing, but it's a thing that only becomes more valuable the older you get, and the decisions you make have greater potential rewards or consequences.

I also think that Sydney could get her heartbroken trying to do something before she's ready. Let's say that Carmy isn't the one who, very respectfully, cuts her down a size. Say it's someone else, someone who is going to be crueler, someone who's not going to pull punches - that would crush Syd. As is, Sydney has a hard time taking Carmy's very straightforward, nonjudgmental, brief criticism. Could you imagine if she had ever found herself in a kitchen like the one Carmy was abused in? If that was the first place someone decided to cut her down a size? It would have destroyed her.

At the same time, we know she's worked at other places, and we know that the head chefs at those places told Carmy when he called to ask about her that Sydney is "very green," and it's pretty obvious they're warning him about this because any attempt they made to slow her down or get her to take their advice didn't work.

Crucially, the way Carmy criticizes her gets through to her without also discouraging her, and she needs that.

2. Another way I think Carmy would be good for Syd, though it may seem kind of in opposition to what I just said - but hear me out - is that even when he doesn't want the same thing, her dreams are a priority. He outright admits in season 2 that he wouldn't even want to be doing the restaurant without Syd - which is nearly the same thing as saying that he's doing it for Syd, or at least to some degree he's doing it for her.

And Sydney wants a star. Part of the reason she thinks it's possible to get a star is because of her tendency to get ahead of herself and think she knows more than she does - but at the end of the day, she wants that star. Carmy definitively does not want a star, and he knows exactly what getting a star entails and what it could cost them - and still, he tells Syd they're going to get a star. She wants one, and he's going to make it happen. He is the only person who could make that happen for her, at least at this point in her life, that he knows of, and he's going to.

Sydney doesn't appear to have a lot of other people in her life besides her dad, and we know from scenes with her dad, that her dad isn't like that. Granted, it's not like he doesn't want her to work in a restaurant or try to get a star or follow any other dream she might have - but he's realistic. He wants financial stability for his daughter before he wants her dreams to come true, like most parents who have had to struggle to get by. So she doesn't have her dad to cheer on her dreams, nor can he help her achieve them. Carmy does, and can. After her failed catering business, I think Sydney really needs that. She needs someone who still believes in her ability to achieve her dreams, and someone who doesn't think it's a waste of time.

3. Carmy is thoughtful, even if it didn't seem like it this season. But I'll point out firstly that given his circumstances (refreshed trauma, the pressures of opening a restaurant, being hundreds of thousands in debt, all on top of still grieving his brother) it wouldn't have been easy for anyone in his place to be thoughtful this season. I think people tend to think of Syd as the thoughtful one, and certainly the one being thoughtful this season, when she printed paper with larger margins. But Carmy is thoughtful. Part of the reason he's putting himself under so much pressure this season is because he's thinking of the others - Marcus whose mom wanted this restaurant for them, Ebra who is elderly with nowhere else to go, Sugar with partial ownership of the place right before having a baby, and of course, Sydney, who wants a star.

Sydney mentioned one time that she liked Carmy's jacket. That jacket is something that is so par for the course for Carmy, that he doesn't think much of it, but her pointing it out to him was enough to make him realize what it actually does mean, and what it means specifically to someone like Syd, who dreams of living the life Carmy's had. That's literally all it takes for him to go, "Alright. Let's get Syd a jacket." I don't think people grasp how crazy that gesture is? Her first ever chef's jacket? A jacket he doesn't even personally see any value in so literally he's only giving it to her because he knows she personally will treasure it? How, once again, he's very much like, "I don't get it but whatever Syd wants"?

And even in this season, the season he's being thoughtless, for a lot of valid reasons, he still invited Sydney to the funeral dinner for Ever. It was very clear to me that Sydney turned him down initially, not because she wouldn't want to go to the last dinner at a restaurant of that status - we know from season 1 how familiar Sydney is with all the most prestigious restaurants in Chicago, and this would be the last dinner at one of the most long-lasting prestigious restaurants, and at the same time there would be dozens of other extremely accomplished chefs in attendance, you can't tell me she wasn't dying to go on the inside - but because she was trying to avoid the awkwardness of being in a place where both Luca and Carmy would be in attendance, or possibly avoid the awkwardness of being around Carmy all night when things have already been so tense.

Either way, you can't tell me it had anything to do with not wanting to go, and I think Carmy felt the same way. He put a lot of emphasis on it. He outright said, "Syd, it's Ever," like that alone should be enough. Even he couldn't imagine why she wouldn't want to go, and I think his interpretation was either, "Wow, I've been really fucking up if she won't even go to this with me," or, "Wow, she must really think she's overstepping coming uninvited. Well, I don't care." And he pushed her to come until she agreed, and you know what? She, for the most part, had an excellent time, and it clearly meant a lot to her to be there. She stayed until after closing to see the sign come off the wall in the kitchen. That was a once-in-a-lifetime event for her, and she would have never gone if Carmy had not firstly invited her, and secondly convinced her to come despite whatever was stopping her from doing what she truly wanted. I think this thoughtfulness is something Sydney needs, but it's also such a clear demonstration that Carmy knows her, AND that Carmy is not going to ever let her, or anything else, get in the way of what she wants if he can help it.

4. Carmy can apologize. I know that feels a little ironic, given his behavior this season, and given his inability to apologize to Claire, his strained apology to Richie - but I don't think it's a coincidence that Carmy can apologize to Syd and not Claire, nor do I think the point is like, how well-articulated Carmy's apologies are. Carmy is capable of apologizing to Sydney in a way he can't to Claire, and when he does apologize to her, what matters most is that firstly, there's no bullshit. There's no making excuses, there's no trying to spin it so that it's on her, there's no downplaying it, nothing. There's, "My behavior was unacceptable." Boom. Taking accountability. What matters most after that is that there isn't any expectation to be forgiven. In that same conversation, he follows with, "Your last check is ready for you to pick up," or something like that.

Now, I think any future apologies he gives her are going to go differently, because they'll be at a different stage of familiarity with one another - that was season 1, after all, and they were still getting to know each other, let alone deeply care about each other. But I think the same logic will apply. I think Carmy will give a sincere apology that takes full accountability, and I think he will do so without any expectation of forgiveness. Let's say Carmy fucks up badly and it's the last straw. Syd leaves The Bear to work somewhere else. I think one way or another, Carmy will still apologize without any expectation of being forgiven. He might ask her to come back to work at The Bear, but I think it will be with her in mind - they built the place together, it's her baby as much as his, and she deserves it. I also think it will be with the restaurant in mind - the place can't fucking function without her. I don't think it will be with himself in mind.

It doesn't feel right to say Syd needs someone who can apologize, given it sort of implies she needs someone that will hurt her - but the reality is that no matter how much healing or growing Carmy does, he's never going to be perfect. No one is perfect. Which means there's always going to be times when Sydney deserves an apology - and that would be true in any relationship she enters with anyone else. So, yeah. Syd needs some who can give her a real apology. Not everyone can do that, but Carmy can.

It's possible there's more I'm not remembering, but I think I've covered some of the most significant ways he's good for her - at least in my opinion. I hope that answers your question, and thanks for asking again!

[yeehawbvby]

Falling Away With You | Ch. 49

Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: Time to use The Shrine(tm)

Author’s Note: n/a

Table of Contents + Work Summary

Check it out on ao3!

Prev | Next (<- links to ao3 for a note!! If you want to skip that, click here <3)

Shane was right. I was about to cry. As soon as I stepped outside the tears started falling. I had planned to go grab some groceries from Pierre’s and visit Robin to ask a few questions about installing barns and whatnot, but instead I just went to Cindersap and wandered around until I could calm down enough to face anyone again. 

In the moment, assaulting a bootlicking Joja cog with some coffee and sass felt so freeing. Afterwards… I can’t help but think, why did I do that? I’ve never really snapped at anyone before, and the first time I do it’s a total stranger? Even if he is a dick, and even if maybe he did deserve it for whatever reason, I still can’t help but feel guilty.

Don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to face Morris again. I guess I won’t be visiting Sam there anymore.

As I pad through the crunchy fallen leaves, sniffling up a storm between sips of coffee due to the emotions and chilly air, I just try to focus on what’s ahead in an attempt to relax a bit. 

Like, Spirit’s Eve is gonna be a blast. I’ve got that going for me at least. I’ll have a chance to meet that shadow person Magnus is friends with too. I absentmindedly gain a little pep in my step as I remember that Seb’s and Magnus’ birthday are both in the coming months. I wonder if they’ll want to do anything special. 

I check my phone and see a wall of texts from Sam:

Sam > HEY. I snuck out for a bathroom break bc omg Sam > u were so real for that Sam > like holy crud. I’ve always wanted to give morris even a *little* bit of shit and u just did it ur first time meeting the guy

There are a few more messages, all exclaiming about how awesome he thinks I am. It’s just as endearing as it is embarrassing.

I quickly reply to lie and say it wasn’t a big deal and that it’s whatever and that I’m fine, not-lie to promise him we’ll hang out for real soon, and apologize for his lack of a coffee. I then decide to go to Magnus’ a bit early. Maybe he and Seb can distract my nerves, and if not I can at least fill them in on what happened.

I begin nearing Tony Remington Trash Bear. Haven’t seen this fella in ages. He notices me and sniffs in my direction while chewing today’s dish. Looks like a stuffed pumpkin… where does he get these things?

I wave at him, and wonder — now knowing he’s an elemental — if he can communicate with me. 

As far as I can tell, though, there’s not a single thought besides his next meal behind those eyes. Good for him, if true!

I slow down and try to speak to him, tentatively holding out my cup. “Uh… I don’t know if you understand me, but d-do you want some coffee?” He glimpses at the cup and I add, “I’ve had, like, half, and it’s cold now, but…” followed by a very meek shrug. 

Tony sniffs a little louder and turns away. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Guess he doesn’t like coffee.

I take a few more steps. He looks at me again. I stop again, and stare back for a moment before waving. 

He waves back oh my fucking god before turning back to his food.

Yoba, Spirits, whoever, what ever, please let this be a sign that today can turn up from here.

My pace becomes brisk as I try to make it to Magnus’ tower faster. I’ve gotta tell him and Seb that there’s a slim chance I actually can communicate with animals, even if they can’t communicate back in a way I can understand. 

I wonder if I can learn that. Like, animal-speaking potions or spells have to be a real thing, no?

And, like, with Cannoli, I assumed he could roughly get the gist of whatever I say because out bond. What if I’ve actually been talking to him in a way he can comprehend for months now?

…What if I can, like, translate frogs for Seb someday? 

Oh. 

Oh my fuck—

I feel giddy at the thought and do a little shimmy to work out my energy. I know if I start jogging in lieu that I’ll probably just trip on a fallen branch or acorn or something — the ground is too covered in leaves for me to see what’s beneath them, save for a few long weeds.

I make it to the tower quicker than I’d anticipated. Outside the door I stomp some mud off my boots, and while stepping in, I hear hushed speaking from the main room. I don’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt if something is important going on. Quietly so as to not disturb them, I remove my coat and shoes and pad through the doorway, sipping my sweet drink.

I stop in my tracks and nearly choke on the coffee at the view before me:

Magnus and Seb are facing each other, their bodies parallel to the side walls and nearest the far end of the cauldron. I can see some of Seb’s face and all of Magnus’. 

Seb got his ears pierced! The red studs — I guess they were safe to use, after all — are just barely visible from my view, resting above his gauges. Not sure about the other ear, but he has crossed industrials on this one as well now. 

Now, I can’t tell if his ears are pink from swelling or from blush, but it could be both, given how closely Magnus is observing him. Magnus’ hand is tilting Seb’s face up, and he’s heavily inspecting his piercings with a slight flush on his own cheeks, as well as rosy eyes. Only god knows if it’s because of the contact he’s engaging in, or because of how much cooler Seb looks with his new jewelry.

As Magnus tilts Seb the other way, I’m at first ready to assume that Seb did get a few piercings on his other ear too, until I see Magnus practically cupping the younger man’s face. His lips are slightly curled upward and moving but I can barely hear a word he’s saying. The only sound that registers in my ears is the smooth, bassy reverberation of his baritone voice. A breathy laugh comes from Seb in response. 

My heart stutters at the thought that they’re, like, gonna fucking kiss or something, until Magnus drop’s his hands, crossing them against his ribs. It’s only as Seb mimics the motion that I notice they’re both wearing black sweaters, both with their sleeves rolled to their elbows. 

A Sebastian cosplay convention.

SebbyCon… SebCon? SebastiCon???

No. Shut up.

I make my presence a little more known as I clear my throat and approach my partners, unable to contain the shit-eating grin plastered on my face. Magnus looks over and smiles wide at my presence, seemingly oblivious to how ~scandalous~ that interaction appeared. Seb turns to do the same, more focused on giving me his own silly, smug look.

Whoa. On the ear opposite from the one I had a slight view of, Seb has a triple helix now, as well as a fucking nose piercing, all alongside his red lobe piercing. I can’t hide how frickin’ stoked I am for these, god he pulls it all off so well!

Ignoring their hellos, I scurry closer, my eyes and smile wide as I place my cup on the counter nearby to take Seb’s face in my hands, basically doing the same thing Magnus just did. 

“Holy shit, dude!”

“You like ‘em?” he laughs.

I reposition Seb so he’s got no choice but to look directly at me. “I feel feral.”

“Oh my,” Magnus laughs while he observes us.

Still holding Seb’s face, I turn to look at and giggle with the elemental. 

Seb brings my attention back by placing a hand on mine and using the other to draw my face to his, dipping down for a quick smooch amidst his smiling. “You’re here early. I just showed up a few minutes ago.”

I nod, pressing my forehead to Seb’s chest and wrapping my arms around him. As he hugs back, I explain, “Rough day.”

Drawing nearer to place a hand against my spine, right above Seb’s hands, Magnus asks, “Did your plans to visit Samson fall through?”

I chuckle, muttering quietly about how formal and old he sounds, and give Seb an extra little squeeze before turning to hug Magnus. “No, I saw him,” I mutter as his arms envelop me. “I, uh,” I press my cheek to Magnus and to get a better view of Seb, “I poured coffee on his boss.”

“What?!” Magnus says, his voice sounding awfully incredulous, albeit amused. The shock is deserved, to be fair. Again. Never really done something like that.

Seb, as I had hoped and predicted, looks so goddamn proud of me. “Deliberately?” I nod. “Holy shit, you badass!”

“Y’know,” I observe, “people keep saying that, but I cried about it the second I stepped out of the store.”

Magnus’ hug tightens so I turn back to him, nuzzling my face into his torso as Seb asks, “Why’d you do it?”

“He was being a dick to Sam,” it’s hard to talk like this so I release myself, standing off to the side to form a little triangle between the three of us, “aaand he scolded me for having my own lil’ treat in the store with me.” I fidget my sleeves while nodding over to the coffee cup on the counter. “That was supposed to be for Sam, I was just holding it for him until Morris left, but…” I shrug.

“Arsehole...”

“Oh yeah,” Seb agrees with Magnus, “the dude sucks. I never really see Sam on the clock anymore just to avoid him.”

“We’ve gotta get him out of there,” I mutter, making my way back to the coffee. I chug the rest before tossing it in the bin nearby. 

In the meantime, Seb counters, “Dude’s stuck. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Bummer…”

“Mm,” Magnus simply hums. He barely knows who Sam is, this is probably uncomfy for him.

I meet the taller man’s eyes. “Shrine?”

“Of course.” 

Magnus and I start making our way across the room, but I stop when I notice that Seb isn’t following. I turn around and notice that he already has a book in hand. “You coming?”

“Nah,” he responds, seeming to search for a certain page in particular. “I’ll be fucking with some potions while you do that.”

“Boooo,” I pout. He tosses up a middle finger with a playful glare, and I throw the gesture right back. “If I don’t, like, die, I guess I’ll see you when I’m not a human anymore,” I add on.

“You better not die on me now.”

“No promises!” I announce as I make my way over to Magnus, who’s patiently waiting by the doorway.

His nose scrunches and brows furrow while he grins, as though he’s holding back a laugh, but I don’t mind the scrutiny; I’m too busy admiring the way his crow’s feet deepen, complementing the sparkle in his burgundy eyes.

Maybe it’s the spirits doing their thing again, but I can’t help but notice how happy and full of love I feel with Magnus and Seb around… how happy they seem with me, and even each other.  

Not to be a huge sap or anything, but life is so fucking beautiful, sometimes. 

“You won’t die, my heart,” he reassures me, breaking me from my train of thought.

As we make our way downstairs I ask half-jokingly, freeing myself from my stupor, “So I’ll just be horribly mangled if I don’t do things right?”

“Well…”

I look at Magnus. He’s chewing the inside of his cheek and avoiding my gaze.

Sighing, I nod. “Good to know.”

“You’re an incredible sorceress, dear. You’ll likely be just fine.”

“If I don’t fuck up, sure.” 

“It’ll be alright, I can almost guarantee it.” As we near the shrine, Magnus turns to me and walks backwards for a few steps, “Besides, just think of the results!” 

I experience a fucking war flashback as I remember him having a similar outlook on that potion he made me when we were in our early days of knowing each other. The one that had me keeled over in pain on the ground within seconds. 

“This feels familiar…” I mumble, hoping that the scene is projecting into his mind. Based on his lack of a response as he sifts through a tome, I’m assuming it didn’t work. 

When his attention is back on me, he nears my side, giving me a run-down as he magically highlights certain parts of the page he has open. I cozy myself into his side, nodding along while I try to keep up. Without halting, he wraps his corresponding arm around me, leaning into my touch.

He really is a wonderful teacher, but sometimes he goes so quickly. I get that it’s just the excitement fueling his speed though. More often than not he bears in mind that, although I fucking rock at this, apparently, it’s still kinda new to me.

After asking him to reiterate a few things — including what types of beings I can become with this thing, none of which include things with horns or tails, god damnit! — before I memorize the few lines of spell I’m to perform and step over to the center of the emblem on the floor.

Before I begin, I ask, “Wait, when you use this you like… hover, yeah?” Magnus nods. “Is it okay that I can’t do that? Do you think it’ll effect things?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “You’ll be fine on your feet. Or your butt, or knees, or whatever you prefer, really.”

“Alright,” I sit on the ground, crossing my legs and resting my antsy hands against my thighs. “Here goes nothing.”

I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable reciting incantations in front of people, so I whisper it to myself, as I hear Magnus crossing the room — I assume to sit down and read or something, similarly to how I did during his transformation all that time ago — before patiently waiting for the process to take effect. 

Once I get the ball rolling, everything starts to feel weird. I feel tingly, mana exuding from every pore of my body. I keep my eyes shut so as to concentrate on the image of what I want to become more effectively, but can still see the faint illumination of an arcane light show through my closed lids. 

I’m not sure how much time passes like this. I wind up in sort of a trance-like state at some point; somewhere between being incredibly conscious of the weird sensations coursing through me, and oblivious to the fact that I even exist in my own body. It’s only whenever I stop feeling anything beyond the floor below my ass and my hands on my thighs that I realize the process must be done. 

I open my eyes slowly. They widen as I notice first the change in my clothes, then in skin color. It all looks eerily similar to what I’d racked my brain with, and I guess that’s the point, but it still startles me a bit.

I turn my palms up and around, admiring the dusty pink tint of my skin, and the way it almost shimmers with an otherworldly pearlescence under the dim glow of the basement’s lighting.

I take in the deep obsidian of my new pants — made of something soft and silky, with a high and cinched waist to counter the bagginess everywhere else — as I extend a leg outward, tracing the intricate details of the silver embroidery that climb the outer hems.

My top is also very loose, but tucked into the corset-like belt of my bottoms. It’s black; has a soft, sort of cottony in feel; and it’s void of any detail, aside from the wavy edges of its three-quarter sleeves. 

I reach my hands to my ears, which are now slightly longer and pointy, then slide my digits through my hair, which feels softer than ever. It’s thick, pin-straight, and long, reaching down to my lower back. I bring a section of it over my shoulder, observing the silvery gray it’s become.

My same earrings are in, at least from what I can feel. Similarly, my necklace from Welwick and ring from Magnus are safely on my person.

I didn’t expect the transformation to be this intense — I thought it would just change my colors around a bit, like how it did with Magnus. The clothes were wanted of course, but I didn’t think I could actually change them too. Was just feeling more hopeful about that than anything.

Damn.

I finally look up and to my left in search of Magnus. He’s sitting on the couch, one leg crossed over the other and a tome abandoned next to his lap while he awe-struckedly rakes his eyes up and down my new form, leaning up from his relaxed position.

I shoot him a big grin and his eyes widen a bit, the faint smile he had prior not leaving his face. 

“The fangs were a lovely touch,” he quietly compliments.

Fangs?! “I didn’t even know I did those.” My gaze shifts to nothing in particular while I snarl a bit, tapping my tongue to my teeth. They’re situated like vampire fangs, which is lucky, considering I’m not sure I’d be safe if they’d filled my mouth. These babies are sharp.

I bring my attention back to my partner as he stands, and I meet him halfway. Still the same height as before, which is good. Won’t draw suspicion from anyone who lives around here. 

“Is it normal for the shrine to take creative liberties like that sometimes?”

“Eh,” he shrugs. “This seems to happen more with a user who lacks experience — but if it chooses to trust you, it’ll never be an unwelcome transformation.”

I look back at the thing, shrug, and turn back.

“You’re incredible, (y/n),” Magnus grins, tilting my face up by the chin. “Did you mean to do this with your sclera as well?”

Oh hell yeah, it worked! 

I answer triumphantly, “Damn right, I did.” It makes him giggle. Makes me giggle in turn. “What color are they now?” Did it work how I wanted it to?

Looking more at my eyes than into them, he mutters, “They match your trousers quite nicely,” Fuck yes, “and your irises are lavender.” Not what I was going for, but I’ll take it! “I must say, it’s strange to see you this way, but you’re ethereal nonetheless.”

“Think it’s too much for when I go to the above-ground event?”

He tilts his head and chews the inside of his cheek while he studies me, before ultimately shaking his head. “It simply looks like you’ve a knack for makeup.”

I begin playing with and staring at my new hair again. “Thank god, this is fucking sick.” I look back up at Magnus, fingers still fiddling with my tresses. I purse my lips, swaying a little as I shyly start,  “Do I have to change back to—“

“Yes.”

“Fuck!”

He laughs, holding out a hand for me to take. “I assume you want to present your new form to Sebastian, yes?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go.”

I grab his hand and we make our way out of the room. Gazing at our inhuman skin tones locked together, I begin to feel a little self conscious. I’m probably overthinking, but I can’t stop the feeling from gnawing at me. 

“Uh…” I start, suddenly feeling kinda shy.

Magnus slows down a bit, seeming to sense my worries. That, or he read them already, but he hasn’t said anything so I can only assume he’s trying not to. 

“Do you… ever wish that I was an elemental too?” 

He slows us to a halt and I shift my vision to meet his own. The wizard looks as calm as ever, if not just a little more concerned than usual. “Of course not, my heart,” he turns to face me. “In fact, if you were one, the spirits may have never fated us together in the first place.”

That’s right, he did mention the whole soulmates thing being in favor of an elemental and human pairing. 

I nod, accepting the answer. I still feel a little weird knowing that maybe I’m more (or less, maybe?) attractive this way, but it’s not like I’m a whole new body shape or anything, so I try not to think much of it. There’s no point to it, this is only for special occasions, after all. 

“I love you,” he tacks on cheerily, as if to remind me.

Fucking dork.

“I love you too. Sorry.”

Magnus huffs out a laugh. “Why are you apologizing?!” 

“I dunno!” I join his chuckles, shaking my head. Never claimed that I’m not a dork too. “Just feels childish to ask you stuff like that, now that I’m thinking about it.”

“It’s only natural such an immense change in your appearance would cause some unease.”

“I guess…” 

He does have a point. It’s almost the same feeling as when you don’t wear as much makeup as usual, and someone comments on how sick and tired you look, regardless of your wellbeing; or when you gain or lose a noticeable amount of weight, and people make comments on how much “livelier” or “happier” or “better” you look, regardless of how good the change actually was for your health… 

Except I’m doing it to myself instead, like a dummy. 

And I haven’t even seen myself yet.

Magnus did nothing to indicate if he likes this change more or less than my original appearance. I’m sure Seb won’t either. He’ll probably just be excited to have a temporary elf girlfriend.

They both love me as I am.

I’ve gotta chill.

Ugh.

Okay. I’m good, I think. Enough spiraling.

I look up at Magnus, who’s patiently awaiting my next move. I wonder if he heard me get lost in my head for a moment there. If he did, he doesn’t say anything about it. I offer a soft smile which he reciprocates before giving my hand a squeeze. 

“Are you alright, my heart?”

“Yeah,” I nod, “let’s go.”

When Magnus and I arrive upstairs, we’re hit with a strong smell of marijuana. Seb rarely smokes here. Magnus banned cigarettes — dude hates the smell — but weed is fair game, so Seb brings it out sometimes if he’s extra stressed. Not often, but it does happen.

Must be going through it right now.

Rounding the corner, I see Seb leaning with his palms flat on the nearest countertop, with a tome opened in front of him. Around him are haphazardly placed vials and ingredients. A blunt is lazily hanging from his mouth, and the cauldron is draining behind him, as he mutters the words he reads under his breath with nearly closed lips. 

“You good?” 

Startled, Seb looks up. His eyes widen at my new appearance and the blunt falls from his mouth. He catches it before it can land anywhere though.

“Oof,” I add casually, “Nice save.”

“Nice, uh…” 

He pauses to stare for a moment, leaving the blunt hanging between two fingers like a cigarette. I gnaw my bottom lip and shift around on my feet. His intense scrutiny is flustering me.

“Hah.” Seb rubs his eyes with the digits of his free hand, then keeps them shut with his fingertips against his lids as he continues, “Can’t think of anything witty for a response.” 

His cheeks are obstructed by his large hand, but the tips of his ears are a little pink. I glimpse up at Magnus, who has a faint smile on his lips as he watches Seb’s struggle.

“I didn’t expect this, holy fuck,” the emo speaks up.

“Think it’s too much?” I shyly murmur, using my hair as a fidget again.

“God, no.” He looks up at Magnus. Then at me. Then at Magnus again, and back to me, before putting his attention back onto the book. Through a puff of smoke he mumbles, “I’ve never felt so lame in my life.”

Magnus is quick to try to halt Seb’s negative self-talk with a practical solution. “You’re more than welcome to give the shrine a whirl once you’re ready.”

“Yoba knows how long that’ll take.” Sebastian flicks the page below him. “Can’t even follow the directions laid out in front of me without messing something up.”

I nod towards Seb’s blunt, eyeing it as he puts it back between his lips. “Is that not helping as much as you wanted?” I wonder.

Seb sighs, shaking his head. “Nah, it’s helping plenty. I was ready to tear my fucking hair out before.”

“Is there anything I can assist with?” Magnus interjects.

Another head shake from Seb. “No, I wanna do this on my own.”

“At least allow me to speed this up for you,” the older wizard states more than he asks, heading to the cauldron. 

Seb turns back and nods. “Thanks, dude.” I catch how his eyes rake up and down Magnus’ body before he turns back to me and does the same. “God,” he whispers, his lashes fluttering as he subtly rolls his eyes back. Then, he rummages in the nearby cabinets for some more stuff. 

I snort. “Stressed ���god,’ or…?” I trail off quietly.

Not sure how keen he is on Magnus knowing what gets him going, regardless of how sexually open we’ve been in conversation.

Seb tilts his head up and deadpans me. I waggle my eyebrows. He gets the gist. He nods.

“Both, then?” I confirm.

He sighs, producing a mortar and pestle. Then, he responds while he places some leaves into the thing and begins grinding ‘em down.

“Both, yeah.” 

[ejzah]

A/N: Deeks recovers from his injured ribs after FLETC. Yes, I’m going humorous with this despite my great dislike of the humor in the actual FLETC arc.

***

Convalescing

Kensi walked into the house approximately seven hours later than she wanted to. Even though the team was supposed to have a couple days off, yet another emergency had cropped up, and soon they were working LAPD to find a stolen thumb drive with sensitive information. The theft turned out to be the work of a couple clueless teens who had no idea they’d broken into the house of a colonel.

Overall, they closed the case quickly, but it still took time to write everything up and deal with the teens. Through the whole process, Kensi couldn’t help thinking about how much Deeks had supported the communication between LAPD and their team. They’d definitely noticed the difference with Deeks out of commission with his bruised ribs. Of course, he’d be returning to a different position once he recovered.

She was still mulling it all over when she found Deeks in the living room, spread out on the couch with a pile of pillows, the remote in one hand, and eyes focused on the TV screen in front of him.

“Hey, baby.” She leaned on the arm of the couch, leaning down to kiss press a kiss into the top of his curls. She’d missed him. Especially after being separated while he was at FLETC, she noticed his absence at work even more.

“Hey,” he responded distractedly. It took him a second to look away from whatever show or movie he had on, but when he did, he gifted her with a sweet smile, tipping his chin up to kiss her earnestly. When he pulled back, he wrapped his arm around her back, gently urging her to scoot next to him. “How was your day?”

“Fine. Long and kind of boring,” she answered with a shrug.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to liven things up for you.” He winked teasingly, turning his attention back to the TV.

“Oh, hang in a second, I’m waiting to find out if Cory and Topanga’s get back together,” Deeks said, making a hushing gesture in Kensi’s direction.

“What? What are you watching?” Squinting at the screen, Kensi watched the brightly lighted scene for a few seconds, then turned to face Deeks with a confused expression. “Why are you watching a 90s TGIF show?”

“Well, it was a little outside my demographic when it originally aired and there’s a marathon on. I like Shawn. He’s kind of angsty, but his backstory resonates with me for obvious reasons.”

The entire time he spoke, his eyes never left the TV, which apparently had captured his entire attention.

“Ok, Sweetie, I think you’ve been watching too much daytime TV,” Kensi decided. “How long have you had this on?”

“Uh, since I finished cleaning the kitchen. So like 9:30?” he responded with a shrug.

“Deeks, you’re not supposed to be doing anything strenuous.”

He looked her way long enough to roll his eyes. “Kens, I don’t think wiping down the table and cleaning some dishes is going to kill me.”

“Probably not, but the doctor did say you should relax for the next couple of weeks to give your ribs time to heal.”

“Look, I spent three months working to get through FLETC so I could finally work with you guys again, and now I’m benched. I’m already annoyed and bored, the least you can let me do is some light cleaning and watch cheesy TV,” Deeks said, the frustration clear in his voice.

Kensi’s heart broke for him a little bit. As much as she’d missed him, at least she’d still had the normally of work and their team while Deeks had been separated from everything.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know it’s not easy.” She ran her fingers through his hair, and he shrugged, but she noticed he leaned into her touch.

“Eh, I’m just pouting.”

“No, you deserve a break after the last six months. Maybe I can make it a little less awful,” she offered. Deeks raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I’m not sure, but I promise it will be better than a kids show,” she promised, taking his hand, and gently tugging him off the couch.

“Mm, whatever it is, might be worth a few extra days convalescing,” Deeks commented as she led him upstairs.

***

A/N: Partially inspired by my semi-recent discovery of “Boy Meets World”.

[ll-bowman]

Thalassophile Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Masterlist

WC:1.7k

CW: feelings of being an outcast, feminine descriptions, boats and deep sea imagery, horrendous flirting

Every few weeks you sail back to a nearby island to restock and try to socialise with more things besides orca vocalisations. The sky is cloudy and the cold wind rushes onto your cheeks making them feel numb and prickly. The seagulls mew as the sound of ships loading and unloading their catch and loading other goods is abundant. The wood dock transitions onto grey cement that leads towards the bustling port town. 

A few locals smile at you and you smile back, a slow familiarity building from your routine stays in town. When you make your way up to the checkout after getting your usual groceries you see the warm smile of an older lady that is always kind to you when you come in.

“Hello dearie, back on land for a few days?” She smiles, her skin creasing along her mouth as she moves your items along as you put them in your bags.

“Yep, I need some interaction that isn’t books and whale sounds.” You laugh politely 

“Maybe you’ll find yourself a companion.” She says laughing as she hands your receipt.

“Maybe, has to love the sea just as much as I do.” 

Her lips quirk up, a look of mischievous glee evident. “Those strong dock workers like the sea quite a lot dearie, look good too.” You smile and give a nod before taking your groceries and leaving.

 As you walk towards your boat to drop off your goods, what Ms.Goodfry mentioned pops into your head. Making your head turn as you watch the crews of various ships now winding down as the sky turns dark. Groups of men and women walking into town to have a drink after a long day.

Your heart aches a bit at the sight. Wishing you had the ability to create those bonds, feel like you fit with other people and not just critters in the ocean. Adjusting your bag you clear your throat and walk back to the boat. Putting your canned goods and produce away as you tidy the cabin up. Deciding to at least be around others you pack your sketchbook and head to the pub in town. Even if you couldn’t have those connections for yourself you could fake it by observing. 

 The pub is bustling for a friday night, which is to be expected you suppose. The air is thick with laughter and the clinking of dishes. The interior is full of stained wood accents and warm light. You walk to the bar island, sitting on a chair you pull your sketchbook and pens out while you wait to order. 

  The time passes quickly as you trace the pencil lines and add shading to the scientific sketches. 

 Eventually a man behind the high top comes across from you, wiping his hands on a towel. He's tall and broad shouldered, shirt hugging his chest with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Arms covered in blonde hair and veins tensing as he moves about. Sunned skin with mutton chops decorate his face. Even just looking at him makes you feel warm and intensely aware of your body.

“Ello Luv, what can I get for yeh?” He asks, voice a deep British accent. It makes you shiver.

“Oh um can I just get whatever is on tap and do you guys have food here?”

He smiles and reaches down, grabbing a laminated menu and handing it to you. While you take a look at the menu he begins filling a tall glass with the dark foamy liquid. Your eyes skirt across the options and decide on what you want. Gods know you haven’t had one in a while. Can’t exactly make a good burger out at sea.

“Finding anythin to yer liking?” His baritone voice questions.

“Hmm yeah can I get the house burger and fries?” 

“Of course, that one's really good, ere's your beer.” 

You take it from his hand,fingertips lightly touching as you do. You suddenly feel intensely cold, like someone opened a window or a door. Goosebumps and hair standing up on your arms. Before you can look around to see if someone did let in a chill, it's gone. You feel normal again. Weird

You look up at the bartender, his eyes are curious and he looks down at your arms, now covered in goosebumps. 

“You alright there, Dove?” 

“Oh um yeah just felt like there was a breeze or something.” You smile politely as you take a sip of your beer. It's odd you've never had so many terms of endearment let alone from someone you just met. Maybe that's just how he is.

His eyes search yours before offering a small smile back.

“Names John by the way, are yah new to town or just visiting?”

That's a nice name.

“A bit of both I'd suppose. I live out on the water most of the time, marine biology keeps me busy. I come back every couple weeks to spend some time around others.” You say, more relaxed in his presence.

“A real sea lady then? What's your speciality?” He asks, eyes warm and kind.

The question gives you a bit of a start. No one has asked about your interests since college and even then it was from others in your field. Your shoulders ease down a feeling of relaxation that you haven't felt around many others overtakes your nerves.

You talk for a while, time slipping like sand through your fingers. Your food comes and between other customers John comes by many times, checking in. You talk about your work, where you grew up. He tells you he used to be in the British Air Service until he got honourably discharged due to some kind of injury. The food is incredible, truly something that warms you and admittedly makes you want to just bottle that feeling up. But you think the best part is watching John, his frame moving quickly from person to person. His hearty laugh rings out when a patron he knows says something. It seems he’s relatively close with the other workers as well, a collection of certainly different men working beside him in the busy location. As you finish your beer you think to yourself, Maybe I could have something here, something besides the ocean.

The pub is still incredibly busy as you gather your things. A part of you wishes you hadn’t already paid so you could say goodbye to John without seeming odd. You idle there for what feels like minutes, rocking from foot to foot, hand clenched on your bag. You decide he must be busy and you’ll come in another time. You sigh a little resided but still very content from talking for so long with him. The cold chill fills your bones once again as you step outside the warm interior of the pub. It’s peaceful here, the streets are full of warm streetlights and lit windows in family homes. It feels like you could make a home here, enough moving around from job to job. Your daydreaming is interrupted by someone calling your name from behind you. You turn around seeing John lightly jogging towards you.You smile and walk towards him before he closes the space between you. 

“Luv you forgot this.” He says raising his hand out to you. You look down to see your sketchbook in his large hand. Damn is he just large everywhere?

“Oh jeez I can’t believe I left that!” You exclaim while taking the book gently from his hand. 

His smile is big, cheeks bunched under his beard and eyes crinkled at the edges, hands tucked into his jean pockets. You feel shy under his gaze, like when you had a crush on an older boy in school. Even if you’re now in your 30s.

Your body feels warm, in contrast to the chilly night air. Truly it feels like you’re still inside the pub. Cheeks now feel like they’re burning up.

“Thank you for coming after me, you didn’t have to do that. I could’ve come in the morning to pick it up.”

“It’s no problem, we aren’t open til later in the day and I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Even in the dim light his eyes are warm, gentle. Like a warm spot you find in the cold ocean.

“I didn’t want to take up your time, Fridays are busy.” Lie, you wanted to spend forever talking to him.

A silence consumes the air, the distant sound of laughing from distant parties making their way home is the only thing that breaks the stillness between you. It isn’t awkward in the slightest, it's like you don’t need words. You hope he feels what you feel. The anxious excitement in the back of your throat begging to come up and show how much you already like him.

You clear your throat. “Thank you for speaking and keeping me company John. I really appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure, dove. To be able to talk with such an intelligent beautiful woman was an honour.” He says while reaching a hand to your face. Skating a warm palm against your cheek, taking his finger and sweeping a loose hair strand behind your ear. The action makes you swoon like a teen and you swear your heart misses a beat.

“Could I walk you home?” His hand retreating as he tilts his head in question.

“Only if you don’t mind.” And with that you turn together and walk to the dock, to your anchored boat to say farewell.

You stand next to the cabin door and smile softly at John, cheeks flushed and warm. 

“I’m off tomorrow night, would you like to go out for dinner with me?” Your heart freezes then restarts again

You feel like you can’t speak for what feels like minutes but what is only a few seconds.

“I would love that, John.” You laugh nervously, unused to someone actively pursuing you.

His cheeks scrunch again, smile wide as you exchange numbers. Waving shyly as he walks back up the doc as you cup your own warm cheek, absolutely giddy at the thought of tomorrow night.

You get ready for bed dazed and fall into bed, smiling as you fall asleep.

[good-beanswrites]

"Becomes more competitive" you say? - refering to your headcanons with downbad fuuta 👀

For someone I can imagine if his partner is someone that's a little flirty and knows this, they might initiate a few scenarios just to fluster and see what he tries next only for him to combust (although there might be a few rare occasions where he does get soft)

YES !!

Fuuta is constantly fueled by a mix of personal pride and the need to Be The Best at whatever’s going on, the societal expectation to be manly and good at wooing someone, and also the feeling of “WOW it turns out I’ve never had a real friend or connection in my life and now that I have someone with genuine mutual love between us I’m going to go a little crazy about it and do things way out of my comfort zone without thinking twice until it’s too late.” He’ll leap into a variety of situations – doing favors, participating in couples’ activities, flirting, and making advances of physical touch – solely focused on Winning, only to realize too late that he’s gotten himself into a romantic/intimate situation he wasn’t prepared for 😅

I especially love the thought of someone who knows this well, and plays a little game of “how long can I string this along until his competitiveness gives out into embarrassment?” 

They’d get used to dropping hints while doing different activities about how talented they are doing it, maybe even the best, and no one could do this any better – so that Fuuta inevitably joins in to prove them wrong. If they’re already in an established relationship, I think his partner could overcome any of his party pooping by suggesting they show up the other couples in whatever “cheesy” thing they’re doing. (The partner eventually learns to be a bit more careful with this power, though. As well as things usually end, there have been some mishaps when Fuuta decides “it can’t be that hard to do dancing lifts/dips, right?”) There are a few situations that he catches himself in and explodes that he was tricked into it, but there are others that surprise his crush by how readily he pours his effort into the activity.

Fuuta would be extremely hesitant to initiate physical touch out of fear of overstepping (some of it is healthy respect/consent, and some of it is overthinking paranoia) so it’s up to a more confident crush to push his boundaries. Starting as simple as taps to get attention, and building up even to something like holding hands, they figure out what kinds of things make this touchstarved idiot bluescreen, what turns him bright red, and what he’ll actually melt into and return.

He's never once shied away from a verbal battle, and flirting is no different. He may not have a lot of quick wit, but he can certainly hold his ground in back-and-forth that involves some romantic undertones and teasing. He’d be accustomed to some pretty crass gaming lobbies, so I imagine he doesn’t mind dishing out dirty jokes and innuendos in an attempt to fluster his crush. However, it’s way easier to dish it out than to take it – it doesn’t take long for his crush’s forward comments to absolutely break him down and leave him sputtering. Though he loses all battles like that, there are moments when he's sure they have complete privacy that he ventures some vulnerable compliments that can actually leave the other speechless. That is, until he immediately backtracks in an attempt to save face...